#sorry for putting it in the public tags i want the tags for my blog to be organized

[coridallasmultipass]

Homestuck is going to space, baybee. (Link)

[writetheidea]

Shadows of the past

Hello, I made this blog solely to publish this fan fiction I wrote because the idea for the plot has been tugging at the back of my mind for months. I tried requesting it from a few writers but since they didn’t write it I remained unsatisfied. Then I remembered I also do have the ability to write.

This was thought of as a one shot. Upon receiving positive feedback and requests, a second part has been written.

Part 2

Pairing: Oscar Piastri x named!female character

Plot: Oscar's new relationship is strained by his family's constant reminders of his ex, Lily, and he fails to notice how this is affecting his girlfriend.

Tag: angst, hurt/no comfort, sad ending.

Word count: 2989

Disclaimers: english is not my first language - I feel like you could tell from my writing style - so I apologize if some of the sentences structures are off, or if I use outdated or inappropriate-for-the-context words, I used a synonym dictionary to try and stop myself from repeating the same words, I still did do that though. I also haven’t written any work of fiction since I was a teenager, so this could be bad, I just had a need to get this fan fiction out of my brain. And once I wrote it, it felt like a waste to keep it on my laptop.

The new girlfriend has a name as I wasn’t able to write this without a name, I apologize, I made it a shorter name so it can be skimmed over. There is no physical description of them.

I would like to explain that I do not think that Oscar's family would behave this way. This idea came from watching Nicole's interview in which she spoke highly about Lily and an unrelated conversation that day about families still speaking about and with ex-girlfriends.

Oscar sat in his motorhome, absentmindedly scrolling through social media notifications and posts. He wasn’t really paying attention to them. His mind was already on the track, anticipating the feel of the car and revising the strategies for the weekend. But, even as he tried to focus on the race ahead, something distracted him at the back of his mind. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on yet, something that had been running in his head for weeks.

Across from him, Mia sat quietly, going through her phone, though he knew it wasn’t holding her attention either. She hadn’t said much all day, her silence stretching thin between them like a thread on the verge of snapping. It wasn’t like her. At least, it wasn’t like how she used to be. When they first met, Mia had been a burst of energy, her laughter infectious, her smile like a safe heaven that had pulled him out of the chaos of being a public figure. But now… something had changed.

"Oscar, did you hear what I said?" Mia’s voice was soft, almost hesitant, her eyes searching his face for any sign that he had been paying attention to what she had been saying. But he hadn't.

Oscar blinked, eyes tearing away from his phone. "Sorry, darling. What did you say?"

Mia smiled, a small, strained smile that didn’t reach her eyes. "I was asking if you wanted to go out for dinner later. You know, somewhere quiet, just the two of us. I found this place…"

Oscar nodded absentmindedly, his attention already drifting away. "Yeah, sure. Sounds good."

Mia noticed his lack of attention, but she didn’t press the issue. She had grown used to his distracted responses over the past few months, so she just sat there, her fingers gripping her phone a little too tightly, and the silence between them growing heavier. It had been like this for a while now—Oscar lost in his racing, and Mia fading quietly into the background, unnoticed.

It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when his attention had been solely hers, when Oscar had looked at her with the kind of focus he reserved for the track. Lately, though, she had started to feel like she was slipping out of view, like she was losing her place in his world. And Oscar, so wrapped up in his career, didn’t see it. Not yet.

-----

It had started subtly, in ways Mia hadn’t been able to notice at first. When she had met Oscar, she knew this relationship wouldn’t have resembled her previous ones; she was stepping into a world of fame, pressure, and expectations. But she had been prepared for that—at least, she thought she had been.

The first time she had met Oscar’s family had been over a casual dinner. Nicole had been polite, her eyes studying Mia a little closely but never purely cold. And then there were his sisters, who seemed stuck between curiosity and indifference, their questions friendly but calculated.

It wasn’t until halfway through the meal that Mia first heard the name.

“Do you remember when Lily got us pizza in Monza?” Hattie had asked with a deliberate tone, her gaze flickering toward Oscar.

Mia had frozen for a second, her fork suspended midair. Lily. She had heard the name before, of course, Oscar had talked about her, the ex-girlfriend who had been with him through his early career. Mia hadn’t worried about her, assuming she was just part of his past.

“Oh, yeah,” Mae chimed in, laughing. “From that little family-run restaurant, right? God, I miss that place.”

Nicole smiled, her eyes lighting up. “Lily was always so thoughtful. She always knew how to make us feel at home, no matter where we were.”

Mia’s chest tightened, the casual and affectionate mention of Lily, compared to how she had been addressed throughout the evening, slicing through the conversation like a shard of ice. She forced herself to smile, to nod along, pretending it didn’t bother her. But it did more than she wanted to admit.

Oscar had shifted uncomfortably beside her, clearing his throat. “Yeah, Lily was great” he had said quickly, then tried to change the subject. But the damage was done. The ghost of Lily hung over the rest of the evening like a shadow, lingering at the edges of every conversation and Mia’s mind.

-----

As the months passed, Mia couldn’t shake the feeling that she was living in someone else’s place, that no matter how much Oscar claimed to love her, no matter how much she tried to integrate herself into his life, she was no comparison to Lily. It wasn’t that his family was blatantly rude towards her, they were kind, but there was a warmth in their voices when they spoke about Lily that they didn’t extend to Mia.

Every race weekend, every family gathering, even every private moment with Oscar was tainted in her mind by the weight of someone else’s ghost.

It wasn’t until one afternoon in Monaco, when Mia stumbled across the ring, that the full weight of it hit her.

She had been tidying the bedroom while Oscar was out, taking advantage of the free time to clean the apartment, cleaning up a drawer of old clothes when she found it—a small, velvet box. Her heart had skipped a beat as she opened it, revealing a stunning diamond ring.

Her breath caught in her throat.

She wasn’t unrealistic, Mia knew this wasn’t meant for her, her relationship with Oscar still too young to warrant a proposal. No. This ring wasn’t for her. It had been bought for someone else. For Lily.

Mia closed the box with trembling hands, her chest tightening as the realization washed over her. Oscar had been planning to marry Lily. He had been ready to propose, to make her his wife, to share his life with her in a way that as of lately Mia wasn’t sure he would ever want to with her.

She had never brought it up to Oscar. She couldn’t. How could she confront him about something like this? How could she admit that she had found evidence of a future he had once planned with someone else, a future that might have happened if things hadn’t fallen apart between them?

From that day on, the weight of it pressed down on her like a constant reminder. She tried to ignore it, to push the self doubt away, to remind herself it was all part of the past. But every time Oscar’s family mentioned Lily, every time they talked about her like she was still part of their world, Mia felt herself slipping further away from the confident, energetic woman she had once been.

-----

The Monaco GP was supposed to be a new start. Mia had somewhat convinced herself that her doubts were unreasonable, that her presence in Oscar’s life was concrete. She had been trying so hard to convince her mind, to smile through the subtle slights, to act as if Lily’s constant presence in conversations didn’t bother her. But Monaco was different. Monaco was where everything changed.

The paddock was buzzing with energy as usual, the yachts in the harbor reflecting the morning sun. Mia stood beside Oscar, her hand in his as they made their way through the crowd. Fans called out to him, snapping photos, but Mia barely noticed. Her attention was elsewhere—on the small group standing near the McLaren garage.

There stood Oscar’s family. And Lily.

Mia felt her heart skip at the sight. Lily was just standing there, laughing with Nicole, looking as comfortable and at ease as she had in all the stories Mia had had to listen to in the past months. She was so effortlessly beautiful, with an air of confidence that Mia had always admired but now found unbearable.

Nicole’s eyes found Oscar, lighting up as she waved him over. “Oscar, darling! Come say hello.”

Mia felt herself stiffen, her stomach twisting into knots. Oscar hesitated for a moment, glancing at Mia before offering her a quick, apologetic smile. “I’ll just be a minute,” he murmured, squeezing her hand before walking over to his family. To her.

Mia couldn’t bring herself to do anything but watch as he greeted them, his interactions with Lily casual but friendly, too friendly in her doubt filled mind. It was like watching him slip into an old role, a role he played with ease, with a counterpart Mia couldn’t quite replace.

They talked for what felt like hours, though it had only been minutes. Mia stood there, frozen as her heart pounded in her chest as she watched Oscar laugh at something Lily said, as his mother beamed at them, as if this was how things were supposed to be. As if Mia was the outsider, the intruder in a story that had never been hers to begin with.

-----

That night, the silence in their room was deafening.

Oscar had been talking about the race, but Mia hadn’t been able to focus. She hadn’t really said much all weekend, her responses short and her mind elsewhere.

“Mia?” Oscar called, his brows furrowed as he looked at her. “Is everything okay?”

She just stared at him for a moment, unsure of how to put her thoughts into words, unsure of how to explain the feelings that had made a home in her mind. “Oscar… Do you ever think about her?”

He frowned, confused. “Who?”

“Lily,” Mia whispered, voice barely audible. “Do you still think about her? About… what could have been?”

Oscar blinked, startled by the question. “Mia, no. Of course not. I’m with you now.”

She shook her head, as she fought her anxiety and tried to gather the courage to say what had been haunting her mind for months. "You say that, Oscar, but… it feels like I’m always competing with her, against her presence in your life. And I don’t know how to stop feeling like I’m constantly fighting against someone who’s not even here anymore."

Oscar’s expression softened as he stepped toward her, one of his hands reaching out to gently cup her face. "Mia, you are not. I don't think about Lily like that anymore. That part of my life is over."

"Is it?" Mia’s voice cracked, her eyes searching his for the reassurance she so desperately needed. "Because I’m not sure your family feels the same way. They still talk about her, still invite her to races. Nicole talks about her like she could still be a part of your life, like she is supposed to be a part of your life. And Oscar… I found the ring."

Oscar’s hand dropped from her face, his eyes widening in shock. "What ring?"

"The one in your drawer," Mia said, her voice trembling. "The engagement ring. The one you bought for her."

Oscar froze, his breath catching in his throat. "Mia… I didn’t mean for you to find that. I—I should have gotten rid of it a long time ago."

"Why didn’t you?" she asked. "Why didn’t you get rid of it if you had moved on? You kept it, Oscar, that has to mean something. And every time she is brought up, every time I notice her presence still somewhat in your life, I feel like I’ll never be good enough. Like I’m standing in her shadow, no matter what I do."

Oscar sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Mia, I didn’t keep the ring because I still have feelings for her. I kept it because… I never knew what to do with it. You are right, I did want to propose to Lily at some point, I couldn’t see that our relationship was dying, I was trying to deny it. But I didn’t propose in the end. I realized it wasn’t right. I never told you because I didn’t want to hurt you."

Mia hugged herself, staring at the floor. "But it does hurt now, Oscar. And it hurts every time they bring her up, every time they talk about how perfect she was, how much they loved her. It feels like I’m just… filling a spot that’s still meant for her."

Oscar stood up and reached for her again, his voice carrying an underlying urgency. "Mia, you’re not filling a space. I love you. I want to be with you. I thought you knew that."

"I thought I did too," she whispered, tears filling her eyes. "But… I don’t know anymore. And I feel like I’m losing myself trying to live up to the memory of someone I’m not while you didn’t even notice how much it’s been affecting me."

Oscar’s heart sank as he took in her words, the weight of his and his family’s actions finally settling on his shoulders. He had known that they still cared for Lily, but he hadn’t understood how much it had been hurting Mia. And he hadn’t noticed how distant she had become, how her bright light had started to dim under the constant comparisons.

He sat back down, hands resting in his lap as he stared at the floor. "Mia, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize… I didn’t know it was this bad."

Mia took a deep, shaky breath, tears staining her face. "You didn’t. I don’t know if I can keep doing this, Oscar. I love you, so much so that I have been willing to hurt myself to be with you, but I can’t keep feeling like I’m not enough. Like I’ll never be enough."

Oscar looked up at her, desperation in his eyes at the implications of her words. "You are enough, Mia. You’ve always been enough."

She shook her head, wiping her eyes. "If I was enough, your family wouldn’t still be holding onto Lily. They wouldn’t be talking about her like she’s still the one for you… They wouldn’t make me feel like I’m always in second place in a one person competition."

Oscar felt his throat tighten, his guilt and frustration rising to the surface. He had been so focused on his career, on the races, that he hadn’t noticed how much this had been affecting Mia. And now, standing in front of him, she looked so lost, so hurt, that he wasn’t sure how to fix it.

"I’ll talk to them," he said, his voice firm. "I’ll make sure they understand. They can’t keep doing this to you—to us. I’ll set boundaries. I don’t want to lose you, Mia."

Mia’s gaze softened for a moment, but the pain in her eyes was still there. "It’s not just about them, Oscar. It’s about how I’ve been feeling invisible, like I don’t matter as much in your life. I don’t know if talking to them will change how I feel about myself now. I don’t know if it’ll be enough to fix this."

Oscar’s heart clenched. He could see the cracks in their relationship now, the ones he had been too blind to notice before. And he realized, with a sinking feeling, that this wasn’t something he could just fix with a few words or promises. This was deeper.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked quietly, his voice almost breaking. "Tell me what I can do to make this right."

Mia stood there for a long moment, staring at him, the weight of the decision she had come to after months of suffering heavy on her shoulders. She loved him, she had given everything to this relationship, but the constant reminders of his past with Lily had killed her confidence, her sense of security.

"I think…" she began, her voice shaky, "I think I need some time. Time to figure out if I can keep doing this, if I can keep being in this relationship without losing myself further."

Oscar felt a chill run through him at her words. "Mia, please don’t say that. Don’t say you’re leaving."

"I’m not leaving," she clarified, though the look in her eyes betrayed her uncertainty of their future. "But I need space. I need time to think about what’s best for me, because right now… I don’t feel like I’m good for you. And I don’t feel like this is good for me."

Oscar’s chest tightened painfully as he stepped toward her, his hands trembling as he reached for hers. "I love you. I don’t want to lose you."

Tears spilled from Mia’s eyes again as she looked down at their hands. "I love you too, Oscar. But love isn’t enough if I don’t feel like I belong in your life. If I don’t feel like your family accepts me. Like I can accept myself."

He swallowed hard, fighting his own tears. "I’ll make them understand. I’ll fight for us."

She pulled her hands away gently, taking a step back. "I need to fight for myself first."

Oscar felt the floor drop from under him as Mia turned toward the door. She paused for a moment, her hand resting on the doorknob, before looking back at him with tears in her eyes.

"Please don’t hate them," she whispered. "I know they didn’t mean to hurt me. But… they did. And I don’t know how to fix that."

And with that, she slipped out of the room, out of the apartment, leaving Oscar standing alone, silence deafening around him. The weight of his family’s actions, of his own inaction, pressed down on him.

He had always thought he could balance everything—his career, his family, his relationship—but now, as the door closed behind Mia, he realized that he had been wrong. He had been so focused on winning races, on making his family happy, that he hadn’t seen the cracks forming beneath the surface of his relationship and in the heart of the woman he loved.

And now, he wasn’t sure if he would ever get her back.

[novasolstarr]

Hello and Welcome to NovaSolStarr’s blog!

Come in come in, take a seat!! I don’t bite here {:

Welcome to my blog! Apologies for this lengthy post but I just wanna get down a few rules and regulations here before you venture any further friend!

This is not a required read but it may provide some helpful insight to you {;

Let’s get it started

INTRODUCTION

My name is NovaSolStarr, feel free to call me Nova or Dusty!

I go by They / Them and It / It’s but feel free to also use bun / buns and fae / fier {:

I’m a digital artist and traditional doodler, you’re gonna see a mixed batch of content from me!

My fandom interests vary greatly and you’re likely to see some jarring switch ups to say the least

I do primarily Fandom and personal OC content, but you are likely to see other things!

Art Trades are 🔒Closed to the public, friends can ask but I am busy

Commissions are 🔒Closed

Art request are 🔐Tentative, see more in “Ask Rules”

‼️ACCOUNT WARNINGS‼️

I make a variety of content, though all SFW please know that I may also;

Make fairly suggestive content

Curse a lot, I mean a lot [I promise I’m not an aggressive user

Make blood and gore related content

Make some horror related content

May touch on more sensitive topics [Drugs, Abuse, Alcohol, etc.]

I usually try to censor that which needs it but sometimes I forget to properly tag things, please be aware of this!!

This is a VERY important section and I want you all to listen!!

Please be kind and respectful here

I try to keep my space drama free, and yes this will apply to real world happenings as well. I’m sorry if this disappoints anyone but I want to keep things stress free here.

So if you have drama please take it somewhere else, maybe to an account that’s more attuned for that, this is not the space and will result in a block.

Also please do not be weird towards me, I have a wife, I love my wife, @cyanide-cafe you are my silliest :3

This is a safe space for most people, although there’s exceptions, which leads me to

Let’s get things cleared up right now

IF YOU APPLY UNDER ANY OF THESE, PLEASE UNFOLLOW ME or better yet block me

I welcome most anyone regardless of ethnicity, region, religion, political views, or whatever, however I will NOT tolerate;

Bigots of any form or fashion

Transphobia, Homophobia, LGBTQA+phobia in general

Racism

Body shaming of ANY kinda

Misogyny

Zoophiles

Pedophiles

Proshippers [People who romanticizes problematic or harmful things]

If more needs to be added I will, but so long as you are not one of these people I don’t care.

I had a smaller post related to this but I’ll go ahead and squeeze it into here as well!

My ask blog is completely open for any and all!! With that though here’s some rules to keep it fun for everyone!

Do Not post anything NSFW or explicit in there, this will result in a block

Do Not be asking personal information questions or otherwise potentially harmful things

Do Not be spamming it unnecessarily, I’m fine with lots of questions in one go but if you’re spamming the same thing or generally the same thing over and over I’m not gonna be happy

Do Not put anything hateful or cruel, again this will result in a block, I don’t put up with that shit and I will not feed it

Now we have that covered, let’s talk about what IS okay and what is acceptable {:

Questions related to OCs or AUs of canon characters, I have a lot of fun with it [:

Art requests between OCs and Canon, although I might use my own design for this so be warned! This interaction could be familiar, an introduction, angsty, shipping or whatever! So long as it’s SFW I don’t mind

Art requests of canon characters! Always happy to give new characters a spin

Questions related to me or any comments you might have, do note I might not always respond to comments cause sometimes I just..dunno how to outside of “WAAH THANK YOU {: >”

And that about wraps it all up!

That’s all I have for today! Please just be kind, respectful, and over all have fun here!! I like having a space for people to enjoy and have fun with {:

[friendball-irl]

OOC: hey, using this blog because it's got a shit ton of followers and I can use it for good purposes

IT IS NOT OKAY TO TELL SOMEONE WHAT THEY CAN AND CAN'T DO ON THEIR OWN BLOG IF THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THEIR CHARACTER OR STORY

Some of my friends over the year and a half I've been on here have been harassed or pressured into dropping stories or feeling like they can't play the character like they want to. I've seen this happen a lot with blogs that are a little darker in nature or have storylines that involve a darker tone.

That's not okay.

No one has the right to tell anyone else what they can or can't do just because their blog is different from theirs. This is a fucking community, and that means that there's going to be stuff that only a fraction of the people will like.

This does not excuse blogs that have tried to do plots that involve actually disgusting topics or storylines. There are some things that shouldn't be put out there for anyone to stumble across, let alone in a public space like this.

The point is that if you deliberately drive away a member of the community just to make yourself happier, that's the absolute wrong way to handle it.

Just block them for god's sake.

You don't want to see the story but you like the character? Block tags.

And if tags would get rid of too much, then I'm sorry but you should just not interact with them anymore. Live with the guilt/sadness about not interacting with them. Don't make them change to fit your narrative.

There's a difference between setting healthy boundaries and intentionally making a situation more difficult than it has to be.

I'm disappointed in anyone that has done this to others. This is a creative outlet for many of us, and you don't have the right to restrict how they can express themselves. It's supposed to be fun. Don't take it so seriously that it's affecting you in real life.

Period.

I'm done with this shit.

[fairuzfan]

Your post about how many people are unknowingly falling for & spreading propaganda... yeah. I typed up a whole spiel of a comment on one of your posts the other day that I ended up deciding not to not actually post because it felt like detailing, but seriously. The amount of well meaning, genuinely anti-zionist people ignorantly sharing zionists' posts because they just don't pick up on the leading undertones is honestly more terrifying than than the amount of actual zionists in some ways.

I'm someone who was born into a doomsday cult, and seeing all these people falling for the exact same blatant (or so i thought lol) recruitment/manipulation tactics I've seen used by them my entire life has absolutely fucking terrifying. These are people who are actively trying to combat zionism, but I guess the general public is so uneducated about propaganda/cult tactics that what immediately reads as blatantly manipulative, misleading bullshit to me just doesn't even register as strange to most people. Not to be repetitive, but seriously: fucking terrifying.

There's so much focus on the way people/groups who want to manipulate you will use language of fear, but in this case especially, people need to realize they will almost always appeal to your compassion before they appeal to your fear.

It's all peace and love and happiness because that's what gets people in the door. You preach (or post) the mushy, happy, fun stuff that makes people feel good to draw them in, and you slowly start peppering in the ideas you actually want to lead them to believe later on once you've got them wanting to believe you.

This also has this added effect of helping the group or person's image. Even the people who you don't manage to draw in will have the impression of you as someone who runs their mouth 24/7 about how you're full of love and want the best for everyone, which is especially useful for when you inevitably want to frame yourself as the victim to demonize the people who will inevitably oppose you. If your first and only exposure to a person is seeing them calling for world peace and universal love, you are much more likely to be inclined to believe they (and by extension their cause) are the sympathetic, loving, peaceful good guys being unjustly targeted.

Sorry for rambling, but like... really. It won't always be something nefarious, of course--the vast majority of the the time, it won't be--but I think we would all be in a much better situation if people took it as a general rule of thumb that you should always be a little suspicious of overly vague talk about peace and love.

You're EXACTLY right. I really appreciate this message, because you put to words a lot of my inherent analysis of arguments and ideas. I like grew up with this rhetoric so it's easy to spot for me, but the way that people speak about "peace" as the overall goal when they're zionist is so blatant to me because there is no material change in the scenario they propose but rather a calmness where Palestinians are ignored.

And picking up on subtext of a lot of messages is something you have to have a muscle for kinda because of how subtle it is. The frightening part is, you're right, that the indoctrination part of zionism is the most harmful part because you appeal to their pathos — their fear, their sense of safety, etc — and you go on down the rabbit hole and slowly start being radicalized and pro-zionism or you might not even be pro-zionism 100% but enjoy... soft zionism as a mutual of mine put it once (if you read this and want to be tagged, lmk). Which soft zionism is the MAIN opinion in many liberal circles btw, its not an uncommon opinion.

I even remember once sharing a post by a zionist because i saw them talk about esims but when i went on their blog a few days later because something rubbed me the wrong way, I noticed their pinned and I was like "oh dam I gotta delete that other post" like that's how often this happens.

Idk, I try to combat this by putting sources or approaching from a standpoint of logical arguments rather than identity-based politics (although, sometimes i think there are some things that people who are a certain identity can be the only true experts on) so that I try to encourage actual engagement with ideas and walking them through thought processes rather than "I'm palestinian so just trust me."

Like even with my one fact checking list, idk if I succeeded but I wanted to emphasize that there are multiple factors you should consider when confronting ANY sort of information and should not blindly trust things. News sources have regularly burned or ignored Palestinians so I know a lot of us are really sensitive to these things, but I don't know! I hope people can engage with ideas more than just surface level thinking in general because it helps everyone when you actually interact with the point of view the other person is providing rather than just blindly trusting/distrusting people.

[fuck-customers]

I'm sorry this isn't exactly what this blog is for, but I was hoping it could slide. I have something at work that I'd like the opinions of mods and followers, if possible please.

I was wondering if I should ask for/pursue a promotion to store lead, as several people in my life, including friends, family, and a very persistent (annoying) coworker, have been pressuring me to do so. But I have several cons and pros about it. And since all the people in my life are blindly telling me to apply to be a lead, they won't listen to what my concerns are and say that I'm just being stubborn and difficult without listening to why I'm hesitating. So here's why

Pros:

•it would look good on my resume

•get paid $2 more per hour

•I'd get paid for training. Yay

•it may force me to get better at responsibility, as I'd be in charge of keys and codes

•I'd get slightly more hours per week (more on that below)

•I would get to freely move around the store as I'm doing my tasks vs. being trapped at the register area as I've currently been, which is great for me personally, because I hate being trapped at one station

•I may be able to fix some things around the store that have been driving me nuts as a result of being free to move around (such as changing the godawful music)

•it would probably be a needed confidence booster

•I have several ideas of things we could and should be doing that would greatly improve the store and maybe my manager would actually listen to a lead vs. a regular employee, as she currently refuses to listen to my suggestions (which, for the record, are things like "hey maybe we should put price tags on the products" not only does she refuse to listen, she actively goes out of her way to undo the work I do and tear down price tags/signs)

Cons:

•store leads ≠ full time and current leads get the same amount of hours that I do, give or take 3 hours or so (for example, this current week I have 9 hours, the lead who has been pressuring me to become a lead has 10 hours, and other leads have between 10-15 hours) I would already be a lead if it was a full-time position, but that will not happen. I'd even consider it if there was a significant increase in hours while still being part-time. 1-3 hours more is not an increase in my opinion

•the store is severely understaffed by design and leads have to do several tasks alone at once, such as: run the service department alone, unlock anything customers need throughout the store, fill online orders, backup the cashier when needed (the only other employee in the store) get yelled at by angry customers who demand a manager and do a daily checklist from the store manager that consists of 20 or so tasks to do in a 3 hour shift.

•store leads have nearly all of the responsibilities of the store manager, except they can't hire or fire anyone and they get paid less than half of what the store manager gets paid while having to do all of the same tasks, minus the fun ones (hiring/firing people)

•there are many signs that the company may shut down in the near future, but the company and my store manager are pretending like everything is fine and refuse to discuss it with employees

•leads are also expected to go to the bank for cash deposits for the store/to get change, etc. and I do not have my own car or license (which is not something I want to mention to my manager, as I'm required to have reliable transportation to work there, I just don't have to specify whose transportation it is) and that is a job requirement of a lead that I straight up cannot do. And the public transport in my city is lackluster and taking the bus to and from the bank would easily be an hour long trip or more, when it takes someone with their own car 15-20 minutes.

•I have a very bad memory and I am not confident that I could remember all of the procedures and passcodes that managers are required to remember. I could technically write it down, but I don't want to draw attention to my terrible memory, as I've been successfully hiding it for years. Nor am I confident that I could be responsible for keys and not lose them. And realistically, I'd lose the book/accidentally delete the notes app I made notes on.

•I've been able to hide it for now, since as a regular employee, I am not watched very closely, but I cut a LOT of corners and there are several store policies that I think are extremely stupid and I either straight up don't follow them or have workarounds for them. Obviously as a lead, I'd have to stop doing that, but some of these policies strongly go against my morals. This is just a whining bulletpoint lol

•I'm not great under pressure, and I'm even worse when someone is yelling/swearing at me or talking down to me. I've seen leads get talked to like they're trash by customers and they have been able to successfully stay calm and collected. In situations where I have been yelled at or talked down to, I call a manager to back me up, but that doesn't work if I am the manager. And I don't mean that I'll cry, because in some situations, that may help. No. I mean that my natural response to stress, especially someone yelling at me, is to fight back. I will cuss them out, yell back and I have been known to physically attack. Not at work, obviously, but that's because up until now, I've been able to push aggressive customers off onto my managers. I've also successfully hidden my anger issues from management and coworkers to the point where they think I am always happy and never get mad. It helps to have someone to back me up/deflect off of, but if I am the backup, no one can defend me.

•There are several things wrong with the store that are completely out of the control of any of us employees at the physical location and are the fault of corporate, but customers blame the employees personally and as a lead, I'd have to answer for the fuckups of corporate that I genuinely cannot answer for. (Such as return policies and inventory inaccuracies)

•My manager is very shitty at communicating with her team. I've personally witnessed several incidents that were caused by her not properly communicating with her leads and I don't want to wind up in a position where I'm responsible for resolving the conflict she caused by not communicating. Also

•I have nearly zero respect for my manager. I think she is an absolute moron, but I've been able to hide it as I don't have to work/interact with her very often. As a lead, I'd have to work with her more and it may slip.

•I don't wear a nametag. I very strongly believe that nametags are a great danger to the employees, especially employees like myself who have a very uncommon name with a very uncommon spelling. Yet as a manager, I'd have to "lead by example" and wear a nametag. I would ideally wear a fake name or have several fake nametags to rotate, but my coworkers obviously know my name and would call it out.

•I'd have to double-check on this one, but I think leads, as members of management, are required to watch potential shoplifters and confront/track them down. I'm not sure if this is a requirement of a lead or if the particular leads at my store are going way beyond their job requirements/have been coached incorrectly by the store manager. I know I, as a regular employee, am not required to chase after thieves and I actively refuse to confront/chase thieves for my own safety. But I am not sure if that would change with becoming a lead. My work does not have a security guard.

•I have several ideas of things we could and should do to improve the store, but my manager is very arrogant and refuses to listen to constructive criticism or constructive feedback in any form. It would drive me insane to have to keep doing things the wrong/difficult way just because she won't listen to suggestions. And this isn't just an assumption by me. I have personally suggested things that she blatantly ignored and so have other leads.

Posted by admin Rodney

[jeewrites]

Hold Fast | Ch. 1 Will Squat for Dinner

Series Master List

Inspo: In an IG reel @ tashabraziliano asks a guy at the gym to play a game where if she squats him he has to buy her dinner at Nando’s.

Rating: M for this one shot, but this blog is 18+ MDNI

A/N: Thank you to @bloviating-vy for being my beta and my write or die! Grateful to everyone who voted in my poll and @katareyoudrilling for encouraging me to post. In the Hold Fast AU all the guys make it back from S. America, additional details TBD if this ends up being a series

Word Count: ~4.0k

Tags: no y/n, gymbff!Benny, alcohol, swearing, reader is a powerlifting girlie described as short, Tom is alive unfortunately (we hate Tom), alcohol, brief body insecurity and Frankie being down on himself, Tom owns a bar, Pope owns a gym, alternating POV with one brief Benny POV

next chapter >>

The first time you went to train at Pope's Gym, Benny wouldn’t stop talking your ear off during your workout. When you finally got a word in edgewise, you made a bet with him that if you could squat him, he would shut the fuck up and let you finish your workout in peace. To his amazement, not only did you squat him, you repped him 3 times before setting him down to raucous applause. You’d been gym besties ever since. It didn’t hurt that he was nice to look at with his dirty blonde hair and penchant to go sans shirt so he could flaunt his abs as frequently as possible. Plus, his big golden retriever energy never failed to brighten your day.

Benny liked to tease you about the gym you used to go to that had vanity lighting, a smoothie bar, and chilled eucalyptus-scented towels. While Pope's had the most lifting platforms of any gym in town, you were adjusting to the lack of central A/C and other amenities you were used to. Pope’s was housed in a large warehouse space, bare metallic bones, with multiple commercial rolling doors instead of a proper HVAC system. Besides the rows upon rows of platforms, a selection of assault bikes and ergs lined one wall of the gym, while a section of accessory machines collected dust in the corner.

You learned which platforms got the most airflow depending on which rolling door was open and which ones the massive fans covered best. You had made the switch because you had outgrown your old gym which catered to the general public. The bougie public, Benny liked to remind you. You had started lifting heavy and wanted to lift heavier, so you found yourself signing up at Pope's after Pope himself had given you the tour around the space. You learned that Pope had started the gym after coming back from Colombia wanting to promote health and strength in the community while getting into better shape himself. Looking at the peach shape of his ass you could bounce anything off of, you knew Pope had been putting the work in.

Benny worked the front desk at Pope's between training and fighting MMA. His older and blonder brother Will would come by to work out, but he was often leaving when you were arriving so you didn't know him well beyond a friendly wave. Plus, it seemed like Benny used the majority of the word quota between the Miller brothers. Pope's grew on you and you got to know the regulars who trained the same time you did; enough that you gave them cute identifying nicknames in your head (often without knowing their actual names) and worried about them when they missed more than a session or two.

Benny was surprised to see you walk into Pope's one night an hour before closing since you always trained in the mornings. You had given him a short head nod instead of your usual big smile before stalking to a platform and slamming your bag down.

"Yooooo, everything ok?" he asks as he walks over.

"Does it look like I'm okay," you huff, aggressively wrestling your knee sleeves on. Glancing at him, you immediately apologize when he hesitates and takes a step back.

"Sorry, Benny. I'll be a lot better after I pick up some heavy things and put them down."

"Might help if you want to talk about it?" he ventures leaning against the barbell.

You finish tying your squat shoes before looking at him again with dejected eyes and sighing.

"I just went on a crappy date with a guy from one of those dating apps," you sigh again. "He spent the whole time talking about himself and how much he works out. Then he had the fucking audacity to question me when he asked how much I could lift."

"Fucking asshole!" Benny feels himself getting steamed.

"He just stormed out of the restaurant and left me with the bill when I refused to change my answer," you shrug, but Benny sees your jaw tick. "Apparently, I squat and deadlift more than he does and he couldn't date someone who could do that." You roll your eyes and huff.

"WTF! What a total loser. You don't need a guy like that who doesn't appreciate you," Benny replies incensed. He sees your face fall for a moment, eyes downcast and tight.

"I just — I've been trying to put myself out there again and it sucks," you mumble, cheeks flush with embarrassment. "It's also been kinda lonely since I moved here, and I guess I could just use more friends, too."

"I'M YOUR FRIEND!"

"Yeah, my gym friend! We don't do anything outside of this hot, sweaty box Benny," you remind him with a small smile and playful shove to get him off your barbell.

Benny decides this is completely unacceptable and immediately remedies this by inviting you to the next hangout with him and his ex-Delta Force friends at Redfly's, a local bar nearby. "You know Pope and Will already," he reassures, "Tom's the owner of the bar and he's an asshole, but he's our asshole. And there's Catfish — we call him Fish for short. We've been trying to get him to come work out here, but he's been busy with his new pilot job for the hospital. And he shares custody of his 3-year-old daughter with his ex."

He could see your brain turning over all the information he was throwing at you. You don't seem to react either way to the news that Fish has an ex and a daughter. As you adjust the bar height you respond, "You sure? Don't want to crash a regular thing that you have with your guys."

"Nah, it'll be great! They'll love you!" Benny's determined to get you to come.

You hand him your phone. "Well... okay. Text me the details?"

With your phone in hand, Benny puts his number in to text himself and then convinces you to show him your dating profile. Between sets of squats you both take turns swiping on possible matches, Benny teasing you on your picks. Ever observant, Benny notices your preference for profiles with tall, brown-haired, brown-eyed candidates. As you work through your next set, Benny sneaks his phone out and immediately texts Fish.

Redfly's was what you expected for a bar run by an ex-delta force asshole. Dimly lit, buncha mismatched tables and chairs, lots of dark grain wood, and an air of neglect despite being quite clean. It was mostly empty except for a few grizzled guys who screamed regulars, nursing beers at the bar. Lots of beers on tap, but not so much for cocktail options. Not that you were a big drinker anyway. If anything, all the training made you an extremely cheap date. But damn, if you were going to drink, you wanted it to be a solid cocktail.

"THERE SHE IS!" Benny bounds over to you before grabbing your hand and dragging you over to the table in the corner. He introduces you to Tom who was standing by the table chatting with the guys. Tom gives a half-hearted greeting before stalking off back to the bar. Pope gives you a big smile and hug, "Good to see you hermosa, don't mind Tom. That was downright friendly for him." You snort as you settle into your seat next to Pope. Will also greets you with a small wave and an offer to pour you a beer from the pitcher.

"That's okay, I'm not much of a beer drinker." You wince, wrinkling your nose.

"I thought you said she was cool," Pope teases Benny who rolls his eyes and looks at you with faux betrayal.

"How about I buy shots for the table? Would that make me cool?" you smirk, getting up to go to the bar.

"Only if I get one too," says a warm, baritone voice from behind you. A tall, handsome man slides into the last vacant seat across from yours. Soft brown curls threaten to escape the Standard Oil cap nestled on his head. The warmest brown eyes smile at you as he holds your surprised gaze. "Hi, I'm Fish. Sorry, 'm late."

You want to trace the golden skin stretched deliciously along the column of his neck. Run your fingers through those curls that look so, so incredibly soft. And the strong curve of his nose... You snap out of your reverie before you respond with your name. "Better get those shots then," you say, trying not to trip over your unexpectedly shaky legs. Holy shit, why the fuck didn't Benny mention his friend Fish was gorgeous?

When Benny bugged him to come to the Friday night hangout at Redfly’s, Frankie hadn’t given it a second thought. The exuberant text from Benny, “You coming this week right? Got someone from Pope’s coming to meet you guys!!!” had two too many exclamation points for his taste. He figured Benny had a new lifting partner he wanted the guys to meet and his attendance had been pretty spotty between the new EMS pilot gig and balancing shared custody with Vanessa.

So when he walked into Redfly’s and overheard you say “… shots for the table?” He just assumed Tom had finally hired some help in the form of a very cute new waitress.

It wasn’t until he asked the guys when Tom hired you, eyes not leaving your form as you walked away, did he realize the absolute error in his assumption. “That’s my friend from the gym, Fish. SHE’s from Pope’s,” Benny rolled his eyes.

“C’mon hermano, you know Tom’s too cheap to hire help and too much of a pendejo for help to stick around,” Pope added.

Frankie pulled his cap low over his eyes and slid down his seat. He could feel himself flush. Fuck, he thought. Just made an ass out of myself demanding a shot from a total stranger.

You had frozen for a moment after he introduced himself before offering your name with a bit of a grimace. He thought you were gorgeous though and smelled incredible, fresh and citrusy with hints of something sweet and floral that lingered even after you had walked away.

“So, whaddya think, Fish?” Benny prods. "She’s smart, pretty, super strong, and a total sweetheart. Should ask her out."

Frankie flushes a deeper red. “S’outta my league Benny.”

“Aw, c’mon Fish, you gotta get back out there,” Benny persists. "Made it easy for you too. I happen to know you’re exactly her type."

“What, she into out of shape, 40-year-old, divorced, single dads with a toddler?” Fish grumbles. He hadn’t dressed particularly well tonight either, just his usual worn khakis and old faded navy t-shirt. Hadn’t suspected Benny was going to try to set him up tonight, although with Benny you never knew what you were getting yourself into.

“Might’ve mentioned summa that to her. She didn’t even blink, Fish. You got a shot and you should take it.”

Frankie finally tears his eyes away from you. You had just said something that made Tom smile ever so briefly and he wanted to know what you said. Frankie didn’t even realize Tom smiled anymore.

He sees Pope giving Benny that look that said Pope knew Frankie was indeed interested in you, but needed some extra encouragement and to get out of his head. How a single look conveyed all of that spoke to the years and shit they’d all been through together.

“Gonna help her bring over the drinks,” Benny says, popping out of his chair before Frankie could tell him to keep his big mouth shut.

He lifts his cap and runs his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t even tried to comb his fucking hair before coming out tonight. He slides the cap back on hoping it catches the more unruly curls.

“You’re a total catch, Fish,” Pope says, pouring him a beer. “Don’t count yourself out before even shooting your shot.”

“Could just be a coffee date. Don’t overthink it,” Will seconds.

Frankie takes a big pull of his beer. Easy for these two to say. Both Pope and Will worked out regularly at the gym and had the physiques to show for it. As much as Frankie had insisted everyone needed to get back on their game when they got back from Colombia, he was the only one out of the five of them who hadn't.

At least it didn’t feel like it with his achy back and bad knees. Sure, he had finally gotten his pilot’s license reinstated and now shared custody of his daughter. But he was self-conscious of his soft stomach, especially next to Benny whose abs were definitely the example given in the dictionary next to “rock-hard.” What did he have to offer you besides a mountain of baggage and PTSD? Maybe if he just kept his mouth shut everything would be fine and he’d survive tonight without embarrassing himself.

At this point, you are willing to brave Tom the asshole to collect yourself before sitting across from Frankie and his big brown eyes again. Tom raises an eyebrow when you order six shots ("One's for you asshole," you say to Tom with a teasing glare) and ask if he could make an Aviation. You swear he gives you the faintest smile before grumbling about ridiculous froufrou cocktails, but he wasn't born yesterday and yes he could make you one.

Benny sidles up to you at the bar as you wait for Tom to finish making your drink, offering to help you carry the drinks back to the table. "You doing ok? You seem nervous," Benny observes as you tap your fingers on the bar.

"Why didn't you warn me Fish is fucking hot?" you pointedly whisper back.

Benny grins at you as he leans back on his elbows against the bar, "Fucking knew it. Totally thought he'd be your type, girlie."

"You trying to set us up??" you glare at him.

Benny shrugs with exaggerated innocence. "Maaaaybe."

You huff, "Does he know that? Am I even his type?" You cringe inwardly at your insecurity.

"Well considering he hasn't taken his eyes off you since you left the table makes me think you are," Benny smirks. The smug look stays on his face.

For once you're glad you took more than five minutes to put yourself together before walking out the door. You picked a pair of jeans that hugged your curves and a fitted top with a very complementary neckline. Black-heeled booties gave you a few inches and made your legs look longer than they were. Worth the hassle of walking in at least for one night. The lightest dusting of make-up, mostly eyeliner and glossy lip balm, highlights your facial features.

"So maybe I should shoot my shot then, hmm?" you wink at Benny with a knowing smile.

"If you're thinking what I'm thinking…," Benny grins thinking back on the day you two met.

"That's very purple," Fish observes as you and Benny set down the drinks for the table.

"It's an Aviation. You might like it considering you're a pilot, mmh?" you respond with a smile. Okay, you've collected yourself. Sort of. Let's see if you remember how this flirting thing goes.

"What are we taking shots to celebrate?" Pope asks.

"How about to new, strong, friends?" you quip.

"I'll cheers to that!" Benny raises his glass.

Conversation is light and fun with the guys. You marvel at their connection and closeness as they teased and talked like people who have been through some shit together over the years. You convince Fish to try the Aviation to which he declares it a "very fancy purple" and keeps sneaking sips much to your amusement. They fold you into their conversation, asking about your training, and what competitions you might try this season. They praise Pope about how the gym has flourished and rib him about his ever-revolving door of beautiful women.

"What about you, Fish? You thinking about getting back out there and dating?" Benny asks before flicking his eyes over to you. You remind yourself to thank Benny profusely for being the best wingman ever.

"'Dunno. Not sure where to even start," Frankie mumbles into his beer, casting his eyes down.

"I have an idea," you give Frankie your best coy smile.

"Yeah?" he breathes looking up at you. Those damn brown eyes.

"I have a game for you," you offer before taking a breath. “If I squat you, you get to buy me dinner.” Your heart is thrumming in your chest and you feel your cheeks flush, but damnit, you were going to shoot your fucking shot. "But if I can rep you, I want the whole nine yards. Pick me up at my place, flowers, dinner and dessert."

"You — you think you can squat me?" Fish looks a bit surprised, "I— it's, it's not that I don't think you can. But 'm... A lot bigger than you... 'm out of shape." His ears pink at the last part as he cups one hand over the back of his neck.

"I know I can. Do we have a deal?" you smile at him with encouragement and extend your hand across the table. Fish hesitates, but you try not to assume why.

"Jesus, Fish, if you don't take her up on it, I will," Pope winks at you.

Fish glances between you and Pope for a brief moment.

He reaches out and shakes your hand. "Okay, deal." You try not to get distracted by the way his large hand engulfs yours.

"Let's go, brown eyes," you tell him as you stand up from your chair and whip your hair up into a high ponytail.

"You're going to do this in heels?" Fish asks as he gets up from his chair with a grunt. Christ, he's so tall. And broad. You shrug and look up at him through your lashes, “I mean, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.”

You move so you stand with your side towards his front.

“I'm going to put my hand here,” you gesture to his right inner thigh just above the knee. "Is that okay?"

"Yep."

"Alright, you ready?"

He nods.

You carefully slump him over your shoulders in a fireman's carry, gripping tightly to his upper arm and thigh. You can feel the warmth of his body pressed deliciously across your shoulders. He's so warm.

You brace.

Benny's out of his seat, whooping and hollering. Pope's leaning forward, elbows on his knees, clapping, "Let's go, let's go!" Will's grinning and shaking his head in amusement. The regulars at the bar sneak glances over in your direction.

Frankie catches himself remarking on the particular shade of purple out loud when you return to the table with Benny bearing shots and a suspiciously purple beverage. He realizes after you respond and the dazzling smile you give him that you’re flirting with him. He thinks?? He’s so out of practice. God, he’d do anything for you to smile at him like that again.

When you slide your drink over to him to try he surprises himself by taking a sip. He’s even more surprised that he likes it. Crisp juniper dances across his tongue followed by a delicate floral sweetness and a touch of citrus with a spiced cardamom and anise finish. This very purple drink tastes the way you smell. And the giggle you give him when he calls it a “very fancy purple” blooms warmth through him, settling low in his core. He can only think about how he can elicit that sound from you again.

Which is how he misses Benny asking him if he’s thinking about getting back out there and dating. Fucking Benny and his goddamn big mouth.

But then you’re smiling at him again, telling him, single-dad, divorcee Francisco Morales, you have an idea. He’s looking at you and he can barely breathe as your eyes sparkle with a mischievous glint and your plush, glossy lips propose a game.

For a moment he’s confused. Did you not want to go out to dinner with him? Because if he’s honest, he doesn’t think you could squat him. He’s so much bigger than you. And he’s pretty sure if he tried, he could put you in his pocket. But then you’re brimming with confidence and extending your hand out to strike a deal.

It’s when Pope — fucking Pope — threatens to play your game in his place that Frankie is engulfing your delicate hand in his large one. You surprise him with a firm handshake and it’s then that he can feel the callouses across your palm. Callouses from many, many reps with the barbell.

Frankie finds himself towering over you, realizing you’re about to try and squat him in heeled booties. He vaguely hears you ask for consent to touch his inner thigh just above his knee before he finds himself suspended horizontally in the air across a set of firm shoulders, anchored by two small hands. He can feel when you brace, feel your entire core expand. The muscles across your shoulders and back flex underneath your fitted top. And suddenly he’s moving up and down, steadily with control.

You end up squatting Fish five times before setting him back down gently with a breathless giggle. He's towering over you again and you just want to press yourself into his broad chest and envelope yourself in the smell of his body wash.

"Dinner?" you smirk up at him.

"Wow, yeah, dinner on me," Fish flushes, impressed and a little dazed.

"It's a date then," you quip, poking him in the rib before you sit back down at the table. You notice his brown eyes spark with realization at your comment.

Will, Benny, and Pope all high-five you. Cheeks still pink, Fish pulls his chair around to sit closer to you. Tom wanders back over to the table grumbling that Redfly's isn't that kind of establishment with theatrics like you just pulled. But he also sets down an Aviation along with another pitcher of beer before returning to the bar.

"He's just jealous you didn't try to squat him," Benny laughs. You giggle in response as the conversation around the table picks back up.

Feeling Fish's gaze on you, you slide your cocktail over to him. A frisson of electricity shoots up your entire arm when his fingers brush against yours as he takes your cocktail glass.

You tilt your head towards him, your eyes meeting his warm brown ones, and whisper, "By the way, my favorite flowers are dahlias."

Frankie lost count by the time you repped him the third time. Just awed by you having the strength to carry him like this. He decides to just enjoy the rest of the ride.

When you set him back upright he almost melts into a puddle at the breathless giggle you let out. He catalogs that sound in his mind. He wants to brush back the hairs that have escaped your ponytail and he already misses your touch, wants to close the space between your bodies somehow without being creepy.

He gets lost in your eyes when you gaze up at him, he’s definitely over a head taller than you, and ask, “Dinner?”

Frankie is pretty sure he responds in the affirmative, still a bit dazed and very impressed.

It’s when you confirm it’s a date that his brain fritzes, reboots, and takes a minute to come back online. He blinks several times at the realization. He has a date. With you.

next chapter>>

Notes: Dahlias symbolize elegance, creativity, positivity, and growth. It also represents inner strength, likely due to the plant's ability to tolerate harsh conditions.

"Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.” — Ann Richards

🙏🏽 Thank you so much for reading my first fic! I'm bad at tumblr and new to tags/warnings/fan fics in general, so if I missed something please let me know.

I am open to constructive feedback but please be gentle with this baby powerlifting writer, yeah? I might be able to squat you, but I'm a big ol' softie.

Aaand I'm thinking about expanding on these characters and making Hold Fast into a series if anyone would want to read it. I may or may not already have a Frankie POV at Pope's Gym where he gets to see reader in her element. 👀

Taglist: @katareyoudrilling @christinamadsen @rebel-held

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

i know you will have a lot of messages about liam's death and won't presume i will be the first or last place you hear about it, but wanted to send a personal note to you specifically.

i followed you on and off when i was in the thick of my 1d fandom. i often do not agree with you as i do not believe many things you do. (but one reason why i appreciate your perspective is that i do think you would endorse me having my own opinions and interrogating those opinions regardless of what someone on the internet says.)

i haven't been on your blog in years. (i got a job i like in public service, and it keeps me busy, so only occasionally do i think about 1d.)

when i saw what happened to liam (who was, for a very long time, my favourite member) i found myself typing in your name.

this morning (my time, a few hours ago), i had spoken at length to my friends about my feelings that i had put so much time and care behind an abuser. (i am a survivor of dv, so that makes it even more painful.)

i also talked about my guilt over still feeling defensive about some aspects of liam's life (particularly the way he was piled on when he was just a little stupid or made jokes people didn't want to understand). i felt guilty for clinging to a belief that he was a good person who experienced addiction and mental health issues and that his story is tragic in so many ways.

(i will never forget how he spoke about drinking excessively for his boss photoshoot, the one where he was in his underwear. that, to me, will always be emblematic of how desperate he was and how sick.)

i'm rambling from the grief, but i thought you would help me make sense of this, and it didn't take much scrolling through a search for liam on your blog for me to find the post about abusers not being cackling evil masterminds.

i think it's really going to help me work through everything i feel. multiple stages and kinds of grief. so i thank you for still being here when so many already left, and i hope you are well, even though i know so many of us are not.

Thanks so much for this anon. It's so lovely that you let me know that you thought of me and shared your thoughts. It's awesome that you like your job and I'm really sorry for the guilt you experienced.

I really appreciate hearing your complex feelings - it helps me make sense of my own.

I had tried to answer honestly when anons had asked me how I was responding to Liam once Maya had described how I treated him. But I'm realising that there was a lot going on that I hadn't really processed. When I talked and thought about my response - I focused on what I was doing - how I was posting what I reblogged and not really my feelings.

I had so much affection for Liam - after Harry and Louis he was the one I responded to the most. The way he would just say things was charming, hilarious, and terrifying at different times (it's where my URL comes from). He was so transparent about wanting to follow the rules and wanting to make everyone happy - and hated when they were impossible individually and also conflicted. And I responded to that both as an observer and as someone else who had that very human reaction (I've been wondering if people who mention his desire to make people happy in their statements are intending to draw the connection between that need and the distress he felt.). My 'Oh Lima' tag - I think reflects the combination of responses I had to him.

That affection withstood a lot. There aren't many people who said they were voting Boris Johnson in the 2019 UK election - where my response was anything but life long range. But what he said was so absurd - and so compatible with the other ridiculous political statements he'd made - all I did is move him down on the list of objectively worst members of 1D and keep tagging things 'Oh Lima'.

I wasn't naieve. I knew there was a high risk that he was hurting people, particularly women he was having sex with. I've said as much at various points. I knew that there's a risk with any men, particularly touring musicians, and particularly people whose coping mechanisms for their distress are destructive.

So I wasn't surprised when Maya described how she'd been treated. I stopped allowing to respond publicly to Liam in that mode. But that didn't resolve or change how I felt. Years of affection, built up through empathy, just sat alongside the knowledge about what he'd done. I think that was a fine response - I had other priorities this year than resolve what I thought about Liam Payne. I think part of my inability to articulate anything immediately after his death was because existing tension.

It's really natural to feel guilty - but I hope you feel like you don't need to. I didn't feel guilty about my reaction to some of the pile ons about Liam. I hated the way that people felt righteous about making fun of everything he did. It matters if someone chases their girlfriend with an axe - it doesn't matter if someone does cringey dancing at the concert - and treating those as the same is incredibly trivialising with violence. I thought the response to him on Logan Paul's podcast was all about people pretending their desire to make fun of people was righteous.

His story was tragic. I knew one of the things that I was observing and responding to was Liam's distress. But that didn't make it easy to reconcile my what I'd seen, and his responses to distress that he'd hidden until recently. Learning to hold the line about the harm people do, and process our connections to them and understanding of their humanity - is an ongoing process for all of us.

I think it's really normal for our response to this to be multi-staged. What it brings up will be different for everyone. I'm still trying to understand what it means for me (I've realised since his death that wanting to keep everyone happy and follow the rules is causing a lot of my stress at work. And I probably identified with Liam more than I knew). I'm so glad you found my tumblr in this moment and that it was useful.

Everything you say here sounds very wise. It is a process. It's OK.

[sgiandubh]

This what I mean 👇🏻

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/3518505943900484/

Dear (returning) Bitchy Anon,

I wrote this answer yesterday, but I am posting it today, because I did not want to give you any satisfaction. Your coming back in here proves there is not an ounce of humanity left in you: just a #silly obsession for an actress who does not even know or care you exist. I promise you she doesn't. Confidently so.

But then, onwards to your 'evidence'.

You thought you would give me the creeps on Christmas Day with a controversial picture allegedly taken at the Weinstein (yes, that Weinstein!) and Netflix Golden Globes afterparty, on January 8, 2017?

No, seriously now: you actually did?

Crikey. As we say in Romanian (and yes, it is very rude, but also dementedly funny): mi se umple fundul de lacrimi/my arse is in tears. Perhaps the equivalent of I don't give a flying fuck, btw.

If you did read me before posting your laughable shite, and I think you did, you should know by now how I usually work, at least for those things I choose to make public (the rest is none of your business, I am afraid). You found this pic on Pinterest, originating from a Tumblr blog: @clairebeauchampfan. Since this person started blogging one year later than the moment this picture was taken, she probably found it chez Contemplating Outlander. You know, that pseudo-social scientist-cum-shrink, who thinks people are machines and adds a shitload of footnotes to her rantings, because she truly believes it makes her biased crap more credible (it doesn't, and this comes from an academic researcher: it is legit pathetic). So Claire Beauchamp Fan shared it and forgive me, but I did not bother finding her post, I just looked for her source (*urv's fetish):

This took me to CO's really nasty blog and you could have spared me that ordeal, Anon: it's literally akin to severe constipation. And then, onwards to Instagram:

A further search revealed she was wearing a Romanian designer (Maria Lucia Hohan) dress and Amrapali earrings. And then, I read the comments on that Insta post. Maybe you'd read them too, they are enlightening - for someone who's 'been around since 2015', people are rather confused about his real status in her life, don't you think?

But Internet is really forever, no matter how you try to hide your trash, Anon. Here is a copy of O'Callaghan's post which was, indeed, deleted: maybe *urv was too insistent? It wouldn't surprise me:

She should have won the Golden Globe in 2017, that's true. And it was S, not McIdiot, the one who told the Internet she should have won all those prizes, if memory serves. How odd McIdiot is never mentioned in that particular post (y'all would have paraded it for YEARS, if it were so) - but household staff, no matter how promoted, never really is. And before you screech, tell all the damn truth Anon, and put this pic in its right context:

How odd the 'successful music producer and entrepreneur' (he is not successful, nor a music producer and much less an entrepreneur) was not tagged, by someone who is active in the industry, who clearly knows C and who attended that Golden Globes gala!

Just a last word on that pic. C was obviously smiling and talking animatedly with O'Callaghan and then McIdiot (who looks malnourished - but hey, humble beginnings, eh?) got dragged in the middle, for the convenient pic. I sometimes wonder what kind of social life you people have and sadly, I have to say - next to 0, for some of you. I never fuck the dozens of men with whom I do have similar 'just because' pics, interrupting my conversation in the middle of an event.

Also, check this very warm & fuzzy pic with one prominent member of her own, personal and very, very gay Circle of Trust. Because I am sorry, but what straight man wears lipstick, as McIdiot clearly does (and no, it's not because they were smooching in the lavatories, what are you, 14?):

She looks happy, doesn't she?

I mean: really, honey. Get a Real Life and stop trying to persuade me with ye olde Pinterest pics you clearly are completely clueless about, ok?

And before you open your mouth to vomit CO's trash again, please carefully do your homework about McIdiot. But as carefully as I did. Then you can talk, share your interesting findings. Merry Christmas and....

[fixing-bad-posts]

Sorry about the weirdness coming from a stranger. You don’t have to answer this/can just delete it if it makes you uncomfortable.

I’m truly saddened to hear you’re going through something so hard right now. I know we don’t know each other, and I know nothing about your situation. But I know a tiny bit about you based on the fact that you run this blog.

1. You are a good and kind person. You fix bad posts and post them/others’ submissions to help people feel more accepted and to give people hope when they’re going through their own hard times. That’s not something anyone mean-hearted at their core would put in effort and time to do. So if you have any doubt about that, one stranger on the internet thinks you’re awesome.

2. You are one tough cookie. You read the bad post to begin with and instead of letting it bring you down, you defy that and make something beautiful out it. Whatever you’re facing is terrible and horrific, but you are stronger than you feel right now.

You’ve made my own hard days better with your blog, and I hope against hope that your situation improves soon. 💜💜💜

hi there—it’s taken me a couple of days to answer this ask because of the life crisis happening to me right now (🙃), and i sort of wish you’d sent this to me off-anon so i could respond privately because i’m just really grateful for this note. but in any case, i shall respond publically because there’s no other way to thank you haha!

thank you so much for sending this, i was really touched when i read it, especially awed that you took the time to write and send it. i’m so honoured to be someone who has made your own hard days better, and i hope i continue to be as i carry on with this silly side hobby of mine. truly, thank you for sending this. things are still hard right now, but life is moving. so it goes.

i also wanted to say thank you to everyone else who sent me nice messages, and hug emojis and shit seemingly in response to my vent tags about going through a rough time. usually it makes me self-conscious and it feels strange for people to send asks as if they know me and, in a way, it does still feel that way? but it also feels like i’ve cultivated a really sweet, well-meaning group of people who like this blog and right now that means a lot to me.

[tearfallpixie]

Soulmate Necklace - Chapter 2: Touring

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. This weekend has been hell for me but here you go! 🫡

Tags: @nerdraging4point0 @thesazzb @synthetic-wasp-570 @circle-with-me @beaker1636 @itsjustemily @witchyweeb34 @agravemisstake @cookiesupplier @cncohshit @faceless-mirror @nonamessblog @yournecessaryevil @black-damask1999

@lyschko666 @vinyardmauro @skulliecadaver-blog @some-daniela @latenightmusiclover @rye14-blog1 @somewhere-diamond @Shilohrosechicken @abiomens @awkwardalex @rumoured-whispers @miss570 @dominuslunae @th0ughts-pr4yers

“What the fuck is she doing back here?” Rick snapped when we walked into the room.

“She’s going to be touring with us. Meet Scarlet Darcy. Our new photographer.” Chris introduced me. I made my way back over to the couch and sat down, equally upset by the situation.

“Fuck no. I don’t want her touring with us.” Ricky growled.

“Would you rather be in jail?” Chris hissed. “Because unless you two play couple in public that’s what’s going to happen.” Rick finally seemed to realize the severity of the situation and frowned. “She’s touring with us and so is Elara.” He said, nodding towards my friend who was standing over by Vinny. As it turned out they were soulmates too.

“Fine. Just stay out of my way.” Ricky grabbed his bag and shoulder checked me as he walked out the door.

“We’ll swing by your home and pack you a bag of clothes for the tour.” He told me. We all made our way out to where the bus was and loaded up. “There is an empty bunk in the back for you, Scar and Elara’s is the bunk under Vinny.” Elara was driving my car back home so I nodded. I made our way to my assigned bunk, and I saw Ricky in the one across from me. We were the only two in this part of the bus.

“Just kill me now.” I groaned. I crawled into the bunk and rolled so my back was to him and pulled out my phone. I put my headphones in and scrolled on tiktok for a bit until someone shook my shoulder. I turned to see the purple haired singer staring down at me.

“We kind of need your address to get to the house.” He grinned sheepishly. I blushed, having forgotten about that.

“Right, sorry.” I took the paper he was holding and scribbled it down for him. “It's about an hour and a half away but it's in the direction of your next venue.” I mumbled.

“Thank you. I’ll give it to the driver.” He left me and Rick alone once again and I sighed.

“Look, for the record I think this shit is stupid too. I don’t want any part of it. Unfortunately we are stuck with each other so let's just keep up public appearances and try not to kill each other ok?” I asked. He looked over at me and gave a stiff nod.

“I-I don't hate you. Ok? I just had a really crappy break up a few months ago and I am not ready to move on to someone else. This whole soulmate announcement thing didn’t help at all.” He sighed, not looking up from whatever he was working on on his computer. I rolled on to my other side and faced him.

“You were really incredible on stage by the way.” I told him. “I loved your part during Scoring the End of the World.”

“Thanks. I wrote those lyrics myself. I think its probably one of my favorites that we’ve done.” He murmured. We sat there in weird silence for a bit before he spoke up again. “How long have you been into photography?”

“I’ve been doing it since I was little. My dad was the one who got me into it. I’m going to grab my gear when we get back since I am apparently your photographer now. I have quite a bit of equipment but I’ve never done tour photography so I don’t know what to bring.”

“I can look through it. I think I have a pretty good idea of what’s needed.” He smirked at the screen. I rolled my eyes with a small smile and agreed. I went back to my TikTok again and before I knew it we were at my house. The bus pulled onto the street and I headed up front to get off. Rick followed after me wordlessly and when we stepped off the bus he placed a hand on my lower back, ushering me inside.

“Welcome back!” Elara called from upstairs. “I am packing our bags. You just worry about your camera stuff.”

“That’s a recipe for disaster.” I mumbled. “Make sure I have some appropriate clothes.” I yelled back. That earned a chuckle from Ricky. “Shut up Olson.” I snapped playfully. I led him down to the basement where my studio was and started packing up my camera.

“Where are your camera filters?” I pointed to the cabinet in the corner as I closed my tripod and put it into its sleeve. “The ND filter is a must. Do you have any CPL filters?” I went over to him and dug through my filters for a second before finding what he requested and handing it to him.

“Will I need any lighting rigs?” I asked.

“If you have a small ring light and some bar lights, those might be good to bring along. Just in case we want to do some behind the scenes photos.” I nodded and got into the closet to grab my ring light and bar lights. I also snatched my reflector sheets and my camera suitcase to load everything up in. Once it was all packed away I set the case on the ground and drug it back upstairs where Elara was waiting.

“Ready?” She nodded and picked up both of our bags. Vinny walked in and took one from her before leading us back out of the house. I brought my camera onto the bus while Ricky loaded my suitcase below it. I went back to my bunk and tucked my camera in the corner of it before crawling in and laying back with a sigh. It was about 3 am now and I had been up since 7am the previous morning so I was exhausted. I wrapped my quilt around me and fell asleep to the gentle thrum of the bus humming.

~~

“Scaaar.” I whined at my best friend's voice. I wasn’t ready to get up and deal with the day yet. I shifted and noticed my bed wasn’t as soft as it should be so I slowly opened my eyes and the memories of last night came back. My hand went to my necklace as I turned to face her. “Time to get up. Your boyfriend is waiting.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I snapped as I swung my legs over the edge of the bunk. I got into my drawer and dug out some clothes for the day and changed into them before following her up front with my camera.

“Morning Scar. We were worried you were going to sleep the day away.” Chris teased me from where he was sitting at the table.

“I would like to and to forget that yesterday happened all together.” I grumbled.

“Ooooh, Someone’s not a morning person.” Vinny teased me. He and Ryan were gaming on the couch while Ricky sat nearby on his computer again.

“Shut up Vincenzo.” I snapped.

“Damn, No wonder she and Rick are soulmates. They are perfect for each other.” Ryan snickered, earning a death glare from me and the other guitarist. “Hey, you two have to play nice, remember?!”

“In public. In private I can tell Olson to go fuck himself however many times I feel like it.” I grabbed the coffee pot and poured myself a cup before taking a seat at the booth across from Chris.

“Right back at you Darcy.” Ricky snarked back. I rolled my eyes and turned to the singer.

“So what do I need to do? Like is onstage, ok? What sort of shots are you looking for every night?” I asked.

“On stage is fine. If there is a night that we particularly want you on stage then we will let you know ahead of time. Video footage, pictures from inside the barricade. Things like that. Some Audience footage wouldn’t be hated either.” He told me. I nodded and wrote a couple of notes on a notepad that I kept on me.

“I question your judgment in hiring me without seeing my work.” I teased him.

“While you were packing up at home I did a little look into your work. I don’t think I did at all. You’ve done festivals for your town for ages.” Chris smirked.

“Just make sure you get good shots of us? The last photographer didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.” Ricky huffed.

“Hmmm, maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe you just need a new face.” I shrugged before turning back to Chris. “Do you want me to take casual photos while you are out and about too? That way you guys have some for your stories?”

“If you want. That would probably be pretty cool for fans to see some tour content behind the scenes.” I immediately pulled out my camera and pointed it at Chris, capturing a photo of him giving me a grin while rolling his eyes. I turned it around to show him and his smile grew. “If that was a simple photo I can't wait to see what you do with the concerts.”

“I can’t either.” I mumbled nervously.

[kckt88]

The Lost Dragon 2 - Gifted.

Summary:

Aemond and Vaelys worry when Vhalarr begins experiencing dragon dreams.

Warnings - Language, Prophecy, Dragon Dreams, Uncle/Niece Incest, Kissing, Lactation Kink, Smut - P in V, Multiple Orgasms, Mild Public Sex, Multiple Rounds.

AEMOND TARGARYEN x O.C -VAELYS TARGARYEN

Word Count: 5392

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used.

Comments, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated.

A.N - I used Gaia Mondadori for Sovia & Jarred Blakiston for Daevyn.

Tag List - @jasminecosmic99 @kaelatargaryen @yesterdayfeelings-blog @immyowndefender @0eessirk8 @darylandbethfanforever9

"Come on, Jace, say it," Vhalarr encouraged, his young voice filled with enthusiasm as he leaned closer to his uncle. "Say dragon. Dra-gon"

Jacaerys gurgled in response, his tiny hands reaching out to grasp at his stuffed dragon toy as he attempted to mimic Vhalarr’s words.

“Da-ba da-ba“ gurgled Jace as he stuffed the dragon toy in his mouth and began chewing it.

"Almost there-" Vaelys chimed in, her smile radiant as she watched her grandson and son interact.

“He drools a lot, Grandma” muttered Vhalarr.

“He’s got teeth growing-“ replied Vaelys as she wiped Jace’s chin with a small cloth.

“Mama said growing teeth hurts babes” said Vhalarr.

“She’s right it does-which is why your Grandpa slept in late this morning, he was up most of the night with Jace-“

“Grandma-look a butterfly” exclaimed Vhalarr at the butterfly resting on his hand.

“I see” replied Vaelys laughing softy as the butterfly moved and landed on Vhalarr’s nose.

“-I shall name her Gevia-because she’s so beautiful” whispered Vhalarr in awe.

“She is very beautiful and such a wonderful name too”.

“Aww no-Grandma she’s flying away” muttered Vhalarr sadly.

“She needs to fly free issa dōna-how about we see if we can put out some overripe fruits like oranges and bananas-so the butterflies will have plenty to eat”. (My sweet).

“Yes, I would like that -I like butterflies very much, my mama said they are lost loved ones coming back to say hello” replied Vhalarr.

“I’d like to agree with that” said Vaelys softly.

“She reminds me of great Grandma”.

“My mother? But she passed before you were born-” asked Vaelys curiously.

“-I dream of her, she’s so pretty-like you and mama. She was smiling and holding hands with great Grandpa” replied Vhalarr.

“-Oh that sounds lovely” gasped Vaelys.

“Uncle Jace was there too-he talks to me all the time in my dreams”.

“W-What does he say?” asked Vaelys.

“That I need to be a good boy and look after you and he’s sorry for leaving but he didn’t want you to lose Grandpa and be sad-“ said Vhalarr quietly.

“Jace-“ whispered Vaelys as the tears ran down her cheeks.

“I-I didn’t mean to upset you Grandma” said Vhalarr concerned as he took Vaelys’ hand.

“It’s ok sweet boy-they are happy tears. I promise” replied Vaelys.

“I-I don’t like the other man in my dreams” said Vhalarr quietly.

“What other man?” asked Vaelys curiously as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“The man with the hole in his neck-he says mean things about Grandpa”.

“Don’t worry about him-he can’t hurt you” urged Vaelys.

“I know-Uncle Jace scares him away-but there is another lady, I don’t know her, she looks a lot like great Grandma but she’s very sad and she has blood on her dress and a hole in her tummy-“

“Aemma” whispered Vaelys.

“Yes, that’s what my daughter will be called-“ muttered Vhalarr is amethyst eyes unfocused as he stared at the sky.

Before Vaelys could answer, Saeryna cheered excitedly "-Look, Grandma, I made one for Grandpa" she exclaimed, holding up the delicate chain of flowers for Vaelys to see.

Vaelys' eyes twinkled with pride as she admired her granddaughter's handiwork. "It's beautiful, Saeryna," she praised, reaching out to take the daisy chain from her. "I'm sure your Grandpa will love it”.

"Dada, dada!" exclaimed Jace, his voice filled with joy as he repeated the word over and over again.

Vaelys turned at the sound of her son's enthusiastic babbling and caught sight of Aemond approaching.

As Aemond settled beside them, Vhalarr and Saeryna erupted into a flurry of excitement, their faces lighting up with sheer delight. They launched themselves at their grandfather, enveloping him in a whirlwind of hugs,

"Grandpa!" Vhalarr exclaimed, his laughter bubbling over as he wrapped his arms tightly around Aemond's neck. "Grandpa, did you see the butterflies?"  he exclaimed his voice filled with wonder as he pointed to the colourful insects flitting through the air.

Saeryna, not to be outdone, clung to Aemond's side, her eyes sparkling with joy as she showered him with affectionate kisses and excited shrieks of glee. “Look, Grandpa, look what I made" she exclaimed, thrusting a crumpled daisy chain into Aemond's hands with a proud grin.

“It’s beautiful-Vaelys is everything ok?” replied Aemond softly, his brow furrowed as he looked at Vaelys who had a strange expression on her face.

“I’ll tell you later-“ replied Vaelys.

Aemond nodded and turned his attention to a still drooling Jace who was also reaching for his father.

Vaelys' words sent a shiver down Aemond's spine, and he felt a cold knot tighten in the pit of his stomach.

"Jace-speaks to him?" Aemond's voice was barely a whisper.

Vaelys nodded solemnly, her expression mirroring Aemond's concern. "Yes, Vhalarr says he sees Uncle Jace in his dreams. But that’s not what concerns me-there's also the other man. The one with the hole in his neck."

Aemond's breath caught in his throat, and he closed his eye briefly, grappling with the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He knew all too well who Vhalarr was referring to—a phantom of the past that he longed to forget.

"The man with-" Aemond's voice trailed off, his thoughts drifting back to the day he had killed his own brother.

Vaelys reached out, her hand finding Aemond's, offering him silent comfort in the face of his pain. "It's alright, my love," she murmured softly, her eyes reflecting the depth of her understanding.

"Perhaps we should speak to Helaena," he suggested quietly, his eyes meeting Vaelys' with a mixture of apprehension and determination. "She's had experience with dragon dreams before. Maybe she can offer some insight into what Vhalarr is experiencing."

Vaelys nodded in agreement, her expression thoughtful. "Yes, that's a good idea," she replied, her voice soft with concern.

Aemond turned to Vaelys with a determined expression. "But first we should tell Sovia and Daevyn about Vhalarr," he said firmly. "They are his parents, after all."

“I agree, they can be there when we speak to-Helaena” exclaimed Vaelys softly as she spotted her good sister standing in the doorway with Sovia and Daevyn.

“I had a feeling you needed to speak to us” said Helaena.

“Y-Yes-it concerns Vhalarr” said Aemond.

“Is he ok?” asked Sovia in a panic.

“He’s fine-he’s with Daeron and the other children” urged Vaelys as she took her daughters hand.

“What’s going on?” asked Daevyn.

“Well-“ said Vaelys as she proceeded to explain what Vhalarr had been saying, about his dreams, with Sovia and Daevyn listening intently. Of course, Sovia herself was no stranger to having certain dreams but she’d long since grown out of it.

Obviously, she must have had the hope that Vhalarr would too, but in this instance that didn’t seem to be the case.

"Vhalarr is a very gifted dragon dreamer, there's no doubt about that," Helaena began, her voice gentle and reassuring. "But at his young age, it's natural for him to struggle with understanding the meaning of his dreams. As he grows older, he'll learn to interpret them more clearly."

Sovia and Daevyn exchanged a glance, a sense of relief washing over them at Helaena's words. "So, we shouldn't worry too much?" Daevyn asked, a note of hope in his voice.

Helaena smiled warmly. "No, not overly so," she replied. "Keep an eye on him, and of course be there to comfort him if he see’s things that distress him, but trust that he'll find his way with time. And if you ever need guidance or advice, you know where to find me."

“I’ll come with you-I need to check on Jacaerys” said Vaelys as she pressed a gentle kiss to Aemond’s cheek.

“Me too-it’s time for Vhalarr and Saeryna to bathe”

As Helaena, Vaelys and Sovia excused themselves and left the room, Daevyn turned to Aemond, his brow furrowed in thought. "Father," he began, "Do you think there's a link with the dragons? I mean, there are more dragons now than there ever have been, not since the days of Old Valyria”.

Aemond pondered the question for a moment, his gaze drifting towards the window where some of the dragons could be seen soaring high above. "It's possible," he admitted “Vhalarr is the youngest Targaryen in our history to ever claim a full grown dragon, not to mention who Caraxes previous rider was-Vaelys always said her father was really into his Valyrian histories, if only Daemon were here now”.

“He might not be-but didn’t mother keep his personal possessions. Maybe there’s something there?” suggested Daevyn.

“Good idea-I’ll speak to Vaelys and let you know” replied Aemond.

Vhalarr woke with a start, his tiny body trembling as tears streamed down his cheeks. "Cold men with blue eyes-" he whimpered; his voice choked with fear.

Sovia and Daevyn rushed to his side, their voices soft and soothing as they tried to calm him. "It's okay, Vhalarr, it was just a bad dream," Sovia reassured him, gently stroking his hair.

But Vhalarr's sobs only grew louder, and between gasping breaths, he cried out for his Grandpa. Daevyn didn’t need to be told twice and hurried off to fetch Aemond, who quickly came into the room, concern etched on his face.

As soon as Vhalarr saw his Grandpa, he launched himself into Aemond's arms, clinging to him tightly as he continued to cry.

Aemond cradled Vhalarr in his arms, his heart heavy with concern. "Shh, it's alright, little one," he murmured, gently rocking back and forth. "You're safe now,"

But Vhalarr continued to sob, his tiny frame trembling against Aemond's chest. "The cold men with blue eyes," he whimpered, his voice muffled by tears.

Aemond's brow furrowed with worry as he stroked Vhalarr's hair, his own voice soothing yet filled with concern. "Those are just bad dreams, Vhalarr. They can't hurt you; I promise. You're safe here with us."

Vhalarr clung to Aemond even tighter, seeking solace in his grandfather's embrace.

“I-I want to sleep with Grandma-“ muttered Vhalarr.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” asked Sovia.

“U-Uncle Jace-he said if I’m scared that I should hold Grandma’s hand, and she’ll keep me safe”.

“It’s ok sweetheart-you can go stay with Grandma” said Sovia as she pressed a kiss to her sons head.

“Sorry mama-“

“Hey-it’s ok. If that’s what makes you feel safe, then its fine-“ replied Sovia.

“Love you mama-daddy” whispered Vhalarr.

“We love you” said Daevyn as he ruffled his sons silver hair, nodding towards his own father in a silent thank you.

As they made their way to Vaelys and Aemond’s chambers, Vhalarr's hand tightly clasped in Aemond's, the young prince's anxiety began to ease.

When Vaelys opened the door, her expression was filled with concern as she saw Vhalarr's tear-streaked face. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" she asked, her voice gentle and soothing.

Vhalarr sniffled, looking up at his grandmother with pleading eyes. "Can I sleep with you, Grandma?" he asked, his voice trembling.

Vaelys' heart melted at the sight of her distressed grandson. "Of course, my love," she replied, opening her arms to him. "Come here."

Vhalarr rushed into Vaelys' embrace, clinging to her tightly as she wrapped him in her arms.

As he nestled into the warmth of her embrace, he felt a sense of security wash over him, knowing that his grandmother would keep him safe from any fear or danger.

Later that night when Vhalarr was fast asleep, Vaelys gently placed him in Aemond’s arms and went to her daughters chambers.

“Mother-what is it? is Vhalarr ok?” asked Sovia as she opened the door slowly, surprised to see her mother, not only her nightclothes but without a guard.

“He’s fine-I wanted to have a word with you actually” replied Vaelys, offering a small smile to Daevyn who appeared bleary eyed at the door.

“Ok, I’ll just grab my robe” muttered Sovia as walked away from the door and then reappeared a few moments later.

“Mother” questioned Daevyn rubbing his eyes.

“Go back to sleep son-this won’t take long” replied Vaelys softly.

Daevyn nodded and shuffled away from the door, no doubt heading back to bed.

“Let’s go to the council chambers, there’s something I need to show you” muttered Vaelys as she took her daughters arm.

Sovia and Vaelys walked through the darkened corridors of the Red Keep in silence, their hands clasped tightly together.

“Mother-your worrying me” whispered Sovia.

“It’s ok tala. Don’t fret-you’ll understand soon enough” replied Vaelys as she pushed open the wooden door to the council chambers (Daughter).

The room was mostly shrouded in darkness, the only source of light was one of the smaller braziers that had remained aflame.

“What I am about to tell you-I need you to have an open mind” said Vaelys.

“Ok-“

“It’s important that you know this, I had hoped to wait a few more years but after what Vhalarr said tonight, I realise now more than ever that now is the right time” said Vaelys.

“M-Mother” gasped Sovia.

“Our histories-they tell us that Aegon looked across the Blackwater from Dragonstone and saw a rich land ripe for the capture. But ambition alone is not what drove him to conquer. It was a dream”.

“A dream?” questioned Sovia.

“-Just as Daenys foresaw the end of Valyria, Aegon foresaw the end of the world of men. It will begin with a terrible winter gusting out of the distant North. Aegon saw absolute darkness riding on those winds. Whatever dwells within will destroy the world of the living. When this great winter comes, Sovia-all of Westeros must stand against it- if the world of men is to survive, a Targaryen must be seated on the Iron Throne”.

“I don’t understand-“ muttered Sovia.

“A King or Queen, strong enough to unite the realm against the cold and the dark. Aegon called his dream The Song of Ice and Fire. This secret-it’s been passed from King to heir since Aegon’s time. My mother told me, and now I’m telling you, when the time is right you will tell Vhalarr”.

“What about Daevyn?” asked Sovia.

“You may of course share the secret with your future consort King-but remember this you must honour and protect it” said Vaelys.

“Mother-what?” asked Sovia as she watched her mother unsheathe the dagger and hold the blade in the flame.

“This once belonged to Aegon the conqueror, but before that it belonged to Aenar Targaryen-as you know it was his daughter Daenys who foresaw the doom. Who the dagger belonged to before him, we do not know but the blade is a physical representation of the Song of Ice and Fire. Before Aegon's death, the last of the Valyrian pyromancers hid his song in the steel," 

Sovia took hold of the glowing dagger and stared at the High Valyrian glyphs carved into the blade, "From my blood come the Prince that was promised, and his will be the Song of Ice and Fire."

“The word Prince is used loosely, as you know that noun has no gender in high Valyrian” said Vaelys.

“I would say this is a lot to take in but given everything that’s happening with Vhalarr-“

“When your father was in exile, he met a red priestess in Volantis named Melisandre. She also spoke to him of the promised one, Daenerys jelmāzmo hen targārio lentrot” (Daenerys stormborn of House Targaryen).

“We know her name” exclaimed Sovia.

“From our blood, she will come-albeit many years from now” replied Vaelys.

“If the threat comes from the North-has anyone ever tried to investigate?”

“Do you remember the stories of good Queen Alysanne and her royal progress?” asked Vaelys.

“Yes-she attempted on three occasions to fly Silverwing beyond the Wall, but the dragon refused and veered south every time. Alysanne wrote to Jaehaerys that she was troubled by the fact that Silverwing refused to fly over the Wall, despite never refusing her commands previously”.

“There is something beyond the wall-something even the dragons don’t like and as much as it unnerves me to even think what it could be, the only thing we can do is ensure that the future of House Targaryen is secured, give our future descendants a chance” said Vaelys.

“I understand mother-“ said Sovia firmly.

“This is the fourth night in a row he’s had nightmares-isn’t there anything we can do for him” asked Sovia worriedly as she leaned into Daevyn’s embrace.

“We did initially think that Daemon might had some insights, but we searched through his possessions and found nothing” said Aemond.

“I’m worried-the only way he sleeps is if he’s with mother or Jacaerys” muttered Sovia.

“It’ll be ok, byka grēges. We’ll figure this out, I promise” said Aemond softly (Little bug).

“I know father, it’s just-he’s my son and-” sobbed Sovia, she had been a little on edge ever since her mother had told her of the Song of Ice and Fire and what it meant for the future of House Targaryen and the realm.

To know of something, that she would never bear witness too, was overwhelming, but to know her mother trusted her was to know her mother also believed in her, not just as a daughter but as her heir.

“It’s because he’s so young-he can’t understand, but he will in time” assured Helaena.

“H-How do you manage it?” asked Daevyn.

“I was alone for much of my youth-everyone thought I was mad, most nights I would dream of things that didn’t make sense and it wasn’t until Aemond brought Vaelys to the Red Keep that I finally found some clarity-“ replied Helaena.

“You never told me that” said Aemond quietly.

“At that time in our lives-there were many things going on, and I didn’t want to burden you further. As much as you hate yourself for what you did-bringing Vaelys to the Red Keep saved my children, it saved me, I know Aemond, what would have happened otherwise-Lucerys, the assassins, our house left in ruins“ uttered Helaena.

“Helaena I-“

“I cannot explain it-but there is something about Vaelys, something special-Vhalarr senses it too. It’s why he feels safe around her” said Helaena.

“So, your saying that the way to help Vhalarr is for him to be close to mother?” asked Sovia.

“Yes-at least until he gets older. At the moment he’s confused, he’s seeing future events intermingled with events from the past, he’s also dreaming of lost loved ones. Not to mention he keeps getting glimpses of an alternative life that will never come to pass-“

“It’s a lot for a child to deal with” said Aemond softly.

“Vhalarr will be fine-I’ve seen it. A fine King, sitting on the Iron Throne-his grandfathers crown upon his head, his Queen by his side and Jacaerys-err that’s probably not something I should go in to right now, but what matters most is that he will be ok” urged Helaena.

“Thank you-velma” said Sovia (Aunt).

“Your welcome” replied Helaena smiling as she was pulled to the side by Aemond.

“What was that about Jacaerys?” asked Aemond quietly.

“I’m not so sure I should tell you-as I don’t want you interfering, it’s important and it needs to happen” whispered Helaena.

“Just tell me-if it’s about my son then I need to know“ urged Aemond.

“Promise you’ll keep an open mind”.

“I promise” replied Aemond pursing his lips.

“Fine-“ exclaimed Helaena as she leaned forward and began whispering in Aemond’s ear.

“WHAT?” yelled Aemond.

“You promised-“ snapped Helaena.

“Are you being serious or is this like the time when you told me that you lost one of your spiders and then wouldn’t speak to me for a week because you said I’d accidently eaten it-even though I’m pretty sure I would know if I ate a spider”.

“You did eat Charlotte and that’s not the point-I’m being very serious right now. As I said before there is something special about Vaelys, but there is also something special about Jacaerys, Vhalarr is going to need him when he has children-his first born daughter will inherit the ability to dream,” said Helaena.

“Thats fair enough but the other stuff-I mean really” snarked Aemond.

“Yes really-who are we to judge how other people find their happiness, we should embrace all forms of love-“ replied Helaena.

“And his future wife is going to be ok with it?”

“Of course-sometimes she’ll even join-

“NO-No not listening-lalalalala” said Aemond sticking his fingers in his ears.

“Gods honestly, your nine and thirty stop acting like a child” snapped Helaena folding her arms across her chest.

“Make me” quipped Aemond.

Aemond leaned against the doorframe, a soft smile playing on his lips as he watched the tender scene unfolding before him. Vaelys' voice was a gentle melody, soothing and calming as she sang to their son. The flickering candlelight cast a warm glow over the room, illuminating her features in a soft, ethereal light.

He felt a swell of love and admiration for her, his heart overflowing with gratitude for the woman who had given him so much.

“Drakari pykiros, Tīkummo jemiros, Yn lantyz bartossa, Saelot vāedis” (Fire breather, winged leader, but two heads, to a third sing).

“Perzyro udrȳssi, Ezīmptos laehossi, Hārossa letagon, Aōt vāedan” (With words of flame, with clear eyes, to bind the three, to you I sing).

“Hae mērot gierūli:, Se hāros bartossi, Prūmȳsa sōvīli, Gevī dāerī” (As one we gather, and with three heads, we shall fly as we were destined, beautifully, freely).

Vaelys tenderly lifted Jacaerys from her chest, cradling him in her arms as she moved towards the cradle. With practiced care, she gently lowered him into the soft bedding, ensuring he was nestled comfortably. Tucking the blanket around him snugly, she leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

"Sleep well, my sweet,"

Vaelys paused, her gaze softening as she looked at Vhalarr, sleeping peacefully in the bed beside Jacaerys' cradle. She couldn't help but feel a surge of warmth in her heart at the sight of her grandson, his little chest rising and falling with each gentle breath.

Quietly, she stepped closer to Vhalarr, reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead. With a tender smile, she whispered, "Sweet dreams, brave little dragon," before turning away, leaving the nursery bathed in the soft glow of moonlight.

As soon as they entered their chambers, Aemond wrapped his arms around Vaelys, his voice a soft whisper in her ear. "Do you know how much I love you?" he murmured, his words filled with sincerity and affection.

Vaelys smiled softly, feeling the warmth of Aemond's embrace. "Perhaps you should remind me," she whispered back, her voice carrying a playful tone as she looked up at him with a glint of mischief in her eyes.

“I want you” muttered Vaelys as she began undoing the buckles on Aemond’s leather jerkin.

“Are you sure?” asked Aemond.

“Yes. Take me husband. I want to feel you inside me” gasped Vaelys as she quickly pulled off the rest of Aemond’s clothes.

Unable to wait any longer, Aemond hooked his hands under Vaelys’ arms and tossed her on the bed.

Vaelys squealed playfully as she bounced on the opulent mattress.

“You’re entirely overdressed" growled Aemond, pouncing on his wife.

Vaelys squealed again, as Aemond quickly wrestled her out of her clothes.

Aemond then took hold of Vaelys’ wrists and held them up over her head, lying on top of her.

Vaelys arched up into him, pressing against Aemond’s naked body.

“So, you want to play" purred Aemond, before running his tongue along his wife’s neck.

Aemond felt Vaelys shiver beneath him and he smirked.

Aemond then descended on Vaelys’ swollen lips, kissing her, while his hands roamed her soft naked body.

His hands gently caressing his wife’s milk swollen breasts.

Aemond released Vaelys’ mouth and bent down to lick her nipples, he couldn’t contain his excitement as he went back and forth between his wife’s wonderful, enlarged breasts that nourished their son.

“Oh” muttered Vaelys as she flung her arms over her face, as pearly white liquid began to leak from her breasts, running down her body in rivulets.

“Do not feel embarrassed Issa jorrāelagon” whispered Aemond (My love).

Aemond ran his tongue over the milk that had dripped from his wife’s rosy nipples and delighted in the sweetened taste.

“Hmm” moaned Aemond as he continued to lick and suck his wife’s breasts.

“A-Aemond” gasped Vaelys.

“You won’t be feeding our son for much longer. Surely you would not deprive me Issa dōna ābrazȳrys?  Your mother’s milk tastes delicious” muttered Aemond softly (My sweet wife).

Vaelys was arching her back, trying to rub herself against Aemond which he didn't allow.

Playing with her breasts not only made Aemond very happy but was driving Vaelys totally crazy.

After a few minutes, Vaelys was writhing for him and Aemond slid further down her body, spreading her thighs further apart, so he could get a good look at his sought-after prize.

“Such a pretty cunny-" breathed Aemond as he ran the flat of his tongue up Vaelys’ soaked slit, from bottom to the top, tasting her.

“Oh, my god” moaned Vaelys her eyes rolling into the back of her head.

“That’s it Issa dōna. Let me hear you” (My sweet).

“YES! It feels so good. Don’t stop. Aemond. Please” begged Vaelys.

"Delicious" purred Aemond as he began lapping at Vaelys, running his tongue along every fold.

"More" panted Vaelys. "Please. I need more”.

Aemond inserted two fingers, sliding them in and out of her slick wet folds.

“Oh, fuck" whimpered Vaelys; her chest heaving.

Vaelys was giving off a slew of loud swear words, moans, and pleas, that anyone passing their chambers would surely hear.

 Aemond’s fingers were soaking wet as they continued to pump in and out of her tight heat.

“I can’t wait to get my cock inside you. I don’t want to wait any longer, come for me” moaned Aemond.

Gods he was so hard, it was almost painful.

Finally, he felt Vaelys’ inner walls start to flutter around his fingers, squeezing them. Vaelys’ back arched taut as a bow and she screamed her release.

Aemond pumped slowly and lapped at his wife whilst she came. Soon her tense body went slack and pliant.

“I need you NOW!!”

Aemond couldn't wait any longer. He surged up and ploughed his hard cock into Vaelys’ soaked cunt.

"AEMOND!" shouted Vaelys, her eyes popping open from her post-orgasm haze.

"You feel so good" rasped Aemond.

"Fuck me, Aemond" urged Vaelys, her tone bordering on desperate as she thrust her hips upward towards his.

Aemond chuckled and bit down lightly on a nipple, making Vaelys moan and squirm.

He started to thrust slowly, trying to prolong the feel of his wife squeezing his cock.

"Faster, Aemond" begged Vaelys.

"Patience, Issa zaldrīzes” chided Aemond as he ran his nose up Vaelys’ neck (My dragon).

“Yes, Aemond, just like that-" panted Vaelys.

Her hands ran over his arms, over his shoulders, and down his back. Her nimble fingers mapped his back muscles and then went down to his arse and gripped him, her nails digging into his flesh - pressing him into her harder.

“Gods, Vaelys" grunted Aemond, speeding up slightly.

"Fuck me, Aemond" whispered Vaelys "Fuck me with that big, cock of yours. You feel so good inside me, filling me up. Give me what I need”.

Aemond knew exactly what Vaelys was doing, but he couldn’t help himself.

Vaelys wanted faster and he was going much faster now. His pace had increased with every filthy word that dropped from his wife’s luscious lips.

Now he was quickly thrusting in and out, shaking the bed, the headboard banging loudly against the wall.

Vaelys was meeting him thrust for thrust.

“Aemond! I’m going to come. Oh, fuck!” screamed Vaelys; not caring if anyone could hear them.

Vaelys always looked amazing when she came. Her head thrown back in pleasure, her amethyst eyes alive with lust, and her pale skin shining with sweat.

Vaelys clamped down around Aemond’s cock so hard he could hardly move. That, combined with how glorious Vaelys looked, pushed Aemond over the edge, the heat shooting across his abdomen.

“God. Vaelys” groaned Aemond as he exploded. His cock throbbing and twitching as he spilled his seed inside his wife’s wet heat.

It took a good while for Aemond to regain his senses.

His wife was laid underneath him completely blissed out; their sweaty bodies pressed together.

Gods how he loved that moment after sex where he was still inside his wife, his face pressed against her chest just listening to her heartbeat.

Then a distinctive knock at the door, broke him out of his reverie.

“Are you fucking kidding me-“ groused Aemond.

"Relax, my love-you may come in Ceci" said Vaelys soothingly, as she gently ran a hand through his messy hair.

As Ceci entered, Vaelys swiftly pulled a loose sheet over the two of them, concealing their naked bodies.

Aemond who remained silent, couldn’t help the flare of arousal that shot through him and the thought of someone else being in the room when he was still cock deep in his wife.

Ceci, the trusted handmaiden, approached with a cup of moontea in hand. She seemed oblivious to the awkwardness of the situation as she addressed Vaelys who quietly gasped as she felt Aemond growing hard inside of her.

"Forgive the interruption, Your Grace," Ceci said respectfully, offering the cup of moontea to Vaelys. "But I thought you might want this before retiring for the night."

"Thank you, Ceci," she replied, her tone warm yet reserved. "You may leave it on the nightstand."

Ceci complied, placing the cup on the nearby nightstand before retreating from the room with a discreet bow.

As the door closed behind her, Aemond withdrew all but the tip of his cock from Vaelys before he surged forward.

"You're incorrigible, you know that?" teased Aemond, his voice a low murmur.

Vaelys met his gaze with a mischievous glint in her eyes, a playful smile dancing on her lips. "You enjoyed it-" she replied, her tone laced with amusement.

“Hmmm” growled Aemond as he started thrusting hard and fast.

Relentless and deep.

Aemond felt Vaelys’ hips moving against his. The both of them in perfect rhythm.

Vaelys wrapped her arms tightly around her husband’s neck as he slammed into her again and again.

Harder. Deeper. Faster.

All of Vaelys’ self-control was long gone. Both husband and wife were completely lost in the moment, gripping onto each other.

Vaelys was soon on the edge as she begged for more. Aemond could feel Vaelys clenching around him.

“That’s it my sweet. Be good for me. I know you can”.

Aemond again removed all but the tip of his penis from inside Vaelys, gently teasing his sweet mewling wife.

Vaelys writhed against him, trying to impale herself on him.

"Please. Aemond. Don’t tease me. I want all of you" whimpered Vaelys.

Aemond surged forward. Slow and deep strokes. All the way in, and all the way out. Slow and steady, every inch sliding deep inside his wife.

Vaelys’ amethyst eyes revealed just how desperate she was for him and Aemond loved it.

He loved watching Vaelys struggle to keep her composure. He wanted to drive her crazy with desire.

Vaelys screamed Aemond’s name as he pounded into her.

Aemond’s eye alight as she fell apart, watching as another peak tore through her.

“I love that I can make you come over and over again. It feels so good”.

Aemond didn't give Vaelys time to recover this time. Instead, he dove into her. Burying himself in Vaelys’ tight wet heat completely.

Again and again, he thrust into her, their sweaty bodies colliding. He slammed himself against Vaelys as she whimpered nonsensically. Lost in the moment.

"Aemond! Oh, Aemond” screamed Vaelys as she felt his cock throbbing inside her.

"YES” groaned Aemond loudly.

With that, he thrust into Vaelys one final time, shoving his cock deep.

Vaelys’ entire body pulsated with euphoria as she clenched tightly around her husband.

Aemond threw his head back and moaned loudly as he exploded deep inside Vaelys.

“A-Aemond” gasped Vaelys.

“Hmm”

“You-Your amazing” said Vaelys smiling.

“As are you my love” replied Aemond, his voice slightly muffled, his face buried in his wife’s neck.

[lacefuneral]

hi reddit. here are some tips.

i will be putting these below a "readmore" - which is the first lesson. on desktop there is a button for this. on mobile you type :readmore: followed by a linebreak. it is considered common ettique to shorten your long posts in this way.

by the way, are you reblogging a long post that isn't under a readmore? tag that as #long post so users can blacklist it and not have to scroll for five years.

(weird gaps in bullet points due to character limits lmao)

Title. Icon. Banner. blog description. (look around if you need an idea for what to put in your blog description.) Blogs without this information (ESPECIALLY the no icon + no title combo) gets you blocked immediately. This is because tumblr has always had a severe bot problem. Just grab a meme from your camera roll or a picture of a character you like from google.

also, because most users have their pronouns in their bio, it is expected that you will look there to check before addressing them, out of courtesy. don't just default to "they" - only do that if a person's pronoun's are unclear or if the pronouns listed ARE "they."

Disable public likes. the like button is for personal bookmarking. very often, people will like posts they have not read yet, so that they can read them later. a person's likes is not always reflective of their stances, and if your likes are public, people may use them against you in an argument. think of your likes as your browser history. tumblr users value privacy in this instance.

unrelated to the above point: likes are also used to show compassion for a user going through a tough time, or to say "hey, i thought this joke you made was funny." this use of likes is more for friend-to-friend communication.

Disable anything in your settings that is algorithmic including seeing posts based on other people's likes (one, because algorithms exist to make you mad and two, as part of respecting privacy)

set "following" to appear before "for you" (and overall avoid "for you")

Snooze Tumblr Live (sorry. you have to do this once a week bc tumblr sucks.)

Open your askbox so people can communicate with you. Decide if you want to allow anonymous asks and/or public DMs.

Enable the desktop version of your blog. This makes it so that when you use a computer and go to [yourusername].tumblr.com you can have a website with HTML and CSS. tumblr has tried very hard to kill blog personalization but you can find many helpful users posting in the tags, as well as pre-made themes you can install. tumblr users are the ones making the bulk of neocities websites, and in general tend to be friendly in redirecting you to resources.

enabling your desktop blog also allows you to insert links and do very basic editing (like inserting line breaks) in your blog description (we call "bio") which translates to the mobile version of your theme. you have to do this in the editor for the desktop on a computer. also, editing your theme on mobile (like changing color, font) will undo your HTML. your best bet is to edit your mobile theme first and THEN do the HTML/link stuff on a computer. i know it sounds a bit convoluted but you'll figure it out. (this website is made of duct tape)

also while you are on desktop: download xkit rewritten. it won't work on mobile but it gives you a lot of helpful features. also consider installing ublock origin if you haven't already, because tumblr will sometimes add annoying widgets to their website and that tool will allow you to block them. i also use "palettes for tumblr" to customize my dashboard color. tumblr DOES have built-in dashboard themes but i do not like them personally.

pinned posts. you can pin any post you make or reblog. some people use this to pin a funny meme, and other people use the pinned post as an extended bio (or otherwise an alternative to it). a tumblr post made on desktop can hold up to 30 images (the limit is 10 on mobile.) you can also embed links, a video, and even audio. you can change text color, have bullet points, and increase font size. as such, you can express yourself much more in a pinned post than in your mobile blog description. a typical pinned post may include information about the user, a link to an external website (like a carrd, neocities, or linktree), and sometimes an image or two. tumblr allows you to disable reblogs for a post, so most pinned posts are set this way so it just stays on a user's blog.

DNIs (also called "BYF"). not everyone uses them, and they can be divisive. it stands for "Do Not Interact" - and is a boundary set to keep people away. this may include age (example: "minors DNI"), political opinions (example: "prolifers DNI"), and sometimes deeply niche online discourse. DNIs are also sometimes a joke (example: "DNI if you like tuna salad"). there is actually a meme where someone will write a post with a very long, unreasonable DNI and users will count how many apply to them.

If you would upvote a post on reddit, you would reblog it here. If you see something and you think it is cool, you think it is funny, or you think it is helpful, reblog it. Some users have sideblogs (you can have infinite sideblogs attached to your main account) to organize all of the posts they reblog. Others simply use a tagging system for organizational purposes (and so users can blacklist ("filter") those tags in their settings if they don't want to see the post). For example, if I followed a user for Star Trek, but they also posted a lot of Star Wars, I might add "#star wars" to my list of filters. This way, I am only seeing the Star Trek posts. Tumblr's default way of handling this is to display a box that says "this post contains #Star Wars" and you can choose whether or not to open it. on desktop with xkit rewritten, you can have it hide those boxes entirely. please use filters. your sanity will thank you.

In a reblog, Organizational Tags are for /you./ I see a lot of confusion about this from new users. If you reblog someone else's post and add 500 tags..... it's not going to get picked up in tumblr search. You're not going to get any sort of exposure. Because it is not your post. Those tags are only for /you/ - if you want to find the post again.

tags are also used for commentary. most tumblr users do /not/ talk in post replies or in the comments of a reblog. most of them talk in tags. tags have a character limit so these messages are broken up in fragments. tumblr uses a comma (,) to make a new tag, so users often use either no punctuation or a period (.) or a hyphen (-) to break up thoughts. two apostrophes ('') are used instead of quotation marks (because they dont work in tags). this is also where "tumblr writing style" comes from. we all began to write in lowercase and use punctuation in. a weird way. like. for emphasis. there is also the Tumblr Comma, a special unicode character that resembles a comma and works in tags when copy+pasted or put there with a keyboard shortcut. but this is often not used. here it is: ‚

also here's an example of tags. you will notice that commentary goes before organizational: #GOD DHSHSKDDJDL #i cannot BELIEVE i forgot about this. what the fuck #star trek #spock

when leaving tags, most users talk to themselves. but please remember that tags can be seen by anyone, including the original poster. in general, it is discouraged to traumadump or be rude.

"prev tags" (which tumblr staff is trying their damnest to erase sadly) is when a user reblogs a post from another user and tags it simply ''prev'' or ''prev tags" (meaning "i agree with the previous user's tags"). sometimes it's because a thoughtful observation was made, but usually it's a way of saying "hey! that was a funny joke!" without putting the user on blast by screenshotting the tags. it's most common between friends and mutuals (users following each other). i would say it is equivalent to users whispering to each other and giggling rather than getting up on a table and shouting. "prev tag chain" is when users reblog "prev tags" "prev prev tags" - and so on. however, sadly, tumblr has removed the feature of moving backwards in a reblog chain on desktop. i have not updated my app and refuse to, so i so not know if it is gone on mobile as well, but it probably is. EDIT: the browser extension Xkit Rewritten has an option now, in "tweaks" called "restore links to individual posts in post header." it should be the first option. prev tags, on desktop at least, is saved!

screenshotting someone elses tags and adding the image in a reblog is known as "passing peer review." it is, however, considered to be Greatly Annoying to accompany those tags with unnecessary commentary (ex: "these tags pass peer review!" "WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THIS IN THE TAGS" "LMAAOO THIS IS SO FUNNYYY"). the tags can stand on their own. the only instance in which this is different is during a serious discussion, when you want to build off of another user's perspective. in which case, you address them as normal. some people credit taggers, some people don't. crediting tends to occur in discussions.

when making an original post, do not use irrelevant tags for Exposure. this is Greatly Hated by the userbase and is also against the TOS. you will get blocked at best, reported or yelled at at worst. only add relevant tags, and do not go overboard.

reposting other people's artwork is highly discouraged and is considered the Highest Offense. if you do any sort of reposting, you should credit and link to a creator directly. however, tumblr loves reposted videos, especially ones from tiktok. there are entire accounts dedicated to posting those.

sideblogs! it is possible to have multiple blogs under one email address. tumblr treats these blogs as proxies of your main blog. this means that sending someone an ask/commenting in the replies of a post will always appear with the name of your main blog, your likes will appear with the name of your main blog, and that if you follow someone you will appear on their followers list as your main blog (so you may be mutuals with someone and not even know it because their sideblog interacts with you, but isn't on your follower's list... because their main blog is listed there instead.) however, DMs DO appear as the sideblog name. you cannot swap your main blog with your sideblog. and right now, there is a bug where deleting a sideblog will delete your entire tumblr account so. don't do that lol. anyway, the amount of sideblogs you can make is literally infinite and i think there's just a Daily Limit of creating 10 of them or something. some users make a sideblog for each interest they have. others have no sideblogs and reblog everything to main. and then you have people like me that do both. somehow. some users will make sideblogs to hoard URLs. also sorry i'm just introducing this now, but that is what our usernames are called. because when tumblr was more desktop-oriented, every blog was literally a Personal Website. so ya. we call them "URLs." anyway, if someone wants to hang onto a URL for later, they might save it on an empty blog. this usually pisses people off. a "canon URL" is when someone has a URL that is like One Word or a Company Name or a Fictional character. hypothetical examples: "ketchup" "burgerking" "lukeskywalker." these are highly rare, coveted, and you look cool as hell if you have one.

tumblr's /\/SFW policy (/\/ is an N. i've censored it.) is best described as ???. posts that are safe for work get marked as /\/SFW and hardcore p0rn somehow persists. in general, be very wary of posting even artistic nvdity (even though it is supposedly permitted.) never deliberately mark your own posts as Mature. this is essentially like walking directly into a bear trap and waving a big sign at tumblr staff saying "hey! make it so people can't find my blog and i'm far more likely to get banned!" also do not tag posts with "/\/SFW." too many of those will get your entire blog marked as mature (which makes your posts pretty much invisible to other users.) tumblr users used /\/SFT (/\/ot safe for tumblr) for a long time, but staff caught on. there is now no consensus and people use their own personal tags for it. just pick something and people will catch on and blacklist it if need be. (btw you CAN type whatever you want on this website. i am only censoring in the hopes that this will allow my post to appear in the tags. this isn't tiktok lol)

while it is possible to disable reblogs on a post, this is a very RECENT addition and most users forget it exists. as such, please use common sense. if someone has written a post about, say, how sad they are feeling because they got in a fight with their family... that's not a good post to reblog. a like would be better here, like a pat on the back.

we LOVE polls. we love them. they are like sports to us. most of them are popularity polls - who is the better character? but people also use polls for, say, making bug emojis "race" each other. or "lets build a cake." other people use polls to write poetry, or learn about regional differences, or even to draw a pen!s. if you tag a poll as "poll" it will most likely be seen and voted in, because users look in the tag to find buttons to click.

there is unfortunately a T3RF (this one censored specifically to protect my notifs lmao. 3 is E) presence here. report, block, ignore, move on. common courtesy for users to inform each other if one is accidentally reblogged from. it also helps to blacklist tags related to them to avoid them. use shinigam! eyes browser extension on desktop.

there is NO equivalent to reddit awards on this website. as the userbase hates the staff, it is considered blasphemous to spend your money on checkmarks, etc. - buying them as a gift for another user is seen as a hostile act. it's like receiving a "kick-me" sign. once owned, badges cannot be deleted. thankfully, tumblr now allows you to disable checkmarks and other badges from appearing publically. that said, some users also give checkmarks unironically to show appreciation??? and others buy checks for themselves???? so yeah. tumblr doesnt actually have a verification system - these exist to mock twitter and to make a quick buck.

tumblr blaze. essentially, tumblr has a system in place to showcase user posts instead of advertisements sometimes. this is done by the user paying money. the higher the amount, the more impressions. tumblr users can now also blaze OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE BLAZE DISABLED!!! blazing another person's post (without asking first) is seen as a hostile act. why? because most blazed posts result in rude comments from strangers who are annoyed to see the post on their dashboard. unless it's like, a cute picture of a cat. or something genuinely helpful. boosting your soundcloud or a selfie or a rant about fandom does not typically garner positive responses. you can blaze just like. watch out. and also always ask the OP if you want to blaze someone else's post. (there is a reason this feature is called "blaze pvp")

tumblr merch is also frowned upon, as tumblr staff steals ideas from the userbase and profits off of them without financially compensating or crediting the users. there was a meme on here, "vanilla extract", that tumblr turned into water bottles while the person who made the meme was having to fundraise to survive :(

BLOCK. LIBERALLY.

umm i think thats it for now. but like if you have questions feel free to launch them into The Void with some tags and users are pretty quick to help out! hopefully i covered some stuff that other ppl haven't

[kisseobie]

I have a hopefully quick question 😣. I’ve been a fan of yours for a very long time and i’m thinking of becoming a writer myself! (and finally give up my anon emoji) Do you have any tips? Also how do I get my post to show up on tags and not just on my blog 😭

— 🌷

omg please please write this is so exciting! all i can really say is just have a consistent layout for all your writing posts so that everything looks cohesive. try to step out of the ideas you have already seen being written and attempt to come up with your own unique prompts that show your own personality and can resonate with readers as well. adding warnings to your work if needed is also very important! and don’t be afraid to set boundaries on what or who you won’t write, don’t be afraid to delete asks if they disrespect that or disrespect your disclaimer that your requests are closed (when and if they will be). make your pinned post an introductory page with your rules, fun facts, and specify if you are an nsfw writer and don’t want minors interacting. the most important advice/tip however, is that you don’t owe anyone anything. sure you might take requests and publish writings to a public audience, but at the end of the day, your writing is for you. and also!! make sure to interact with your followers as much as you can! i hope to read your writings soon <3

also, for tags, i just click the “# add tags to help people find your posts” button that shows up when you type, and i usually only add member specific tags if i am writing for that member. it’s really annoying when i look up “jongseob x reader” and the results are flooded with non jongseob works, sometimes it’s people who are writing for an entirely different group too that do this. my go-to tags that i use for most if not all of my stuff is in the tags of this post! (i only added jongseob tags to this one because i’m lazy but put in tags for every member included in that work, or if it’s just one member, only put that member and p1harmony in general in the tags)

sorry i’m rambling..

[simstomaggie]

1910s Deco Sims

The female one was originally a commission that I did, which then kind of fell through because the blog deactivated. So, a lot of time later, I want to share them with you all. They come in tons of swatches (which I normally wouldn't do anymore today), but i did it for the male, so that they match.

If you remember, the idea was to do a big dump of deco sims for Christmas, and then for January. The project however kind of got out of control, as did my time management. So I decided to aim for two uploads per month for this year instead: One that is either a dress, other clothing or hair, and the other one is deco sims from different eras.

I hope these are useful to you, and you enjoy using them in your decades challenge!

Dress: Hattie Dress by @dancemachinetrait♥

Hat: Mistress Mysterium Hat by @simverses ♥

Rest is either by me or from game.

High Poly!!!! 

searchable as "simstomaggie"

Suit: Three-Piece Suit by @marvinsims ♥

Eyes: Luz Eyes by @simandy ♥

Rest from game.

even HIGHER POLY!!!!!

searchable as "simstomaggie"

TOU:

Please do NOT claim as yours.

Do NOT put behind paywalls.

Do NOT reupload.

DO recolor (without the mesh please!)

DO use for mesh edits

PLEASE give proper credit

HAVE a good time

DOWNLOAD ON PATREON (FOR FREE, NO EARLY ACCESS!)

IF YOU’D LIKE TO SUPPORT ME, YOU CAN BECOME A PATRON, OR BUY ME A KO-FI. THANKS ♥

cc: @maxismatchccworld @ts4-poses @mmfinds @public-ccfinds

@mmoutfitters @simshistoricalfinds ♥

ps.: sorry to all you creators that are tagged here, I posted this on the wrong blog...

[unhappytimeleaper]

Hii can I request yandere Mika hcs please?

requested by anonymous

Word Count; 4,200

Okay, so requests for just general headcanons are hard for me because usually there is just so much I could go off of. I tried my best to whittle down this to where it wasn’t overwhelming but still enough to capture the main points of what I wanted. I ended up cutting out some ideas because I couldn’t keep writing; I wanted to edit and finish this. I’m sorry. 

Also p.s. I’m a very small account with less than 150 followers. I only get notes occasionally, and I say this because I still regularly have minors interact, and I will instantly be able to see that and block you. I’m 100% aware the bigger accounts grow, the harder it can be for one person to check, but none of you are being sneaky, and I don’t care about likes/reblogs enough to let it slide. Go away. I don’t like you if you are actively a minor trying to save my work. If you can read all 4,000 words of this, you can read where it says don’t interact if under Seventeen. Even while getting ready to post this I had an ageless blog like my last post like no.  

Kagehira Mika; Unedited. Gender Neutral Reader.

CW; this is a clusterfuck. Yandere everything. Stalking, jealousy, unsolicited photography, stealing, manipulation, violence [against Mika, not reader], isolation, potential kidnapping, power imbalances, paranoia, other characters enabling yandere’s actions, and dismissal of feelings. Some moments can be read with lewd intentions, though never explicitly stated. Seriously it just has it all.

This blog is 17+ please have your age in your bio or tagged; any ageless blog and below the age asked for will be blocked at the end of the week.

For a general setup, Mika is. Well, a contradiction in many ways. The best way to put it is just as how others describe him, cat-like. It’s never to say Mika thinks he’s above you, consistently battling himself with the idea of being human over something like a doll, but for someone so ‘below’ you metaphorically, he pulls the strings. In the case of you, his extent of creepy actions, his stalking tendencies, and overall jealousy trap you in the strings of the marionette this time. For someone so below you as he claims, why does he have the power? Why does he not listen to you if he claims you have control over him? Cat-like— pets who rely on humans to bend to their needs and take care of them but still are more of a type to “run a household” rather than wait for the owner to come to them. 

A good example is, say, isolation; you explain to him keeping you alone with little interaction outside of him (and maybe minimal time with Shu or Ritsu) isn’t good; it isn’t healthy. Just a little time together in public, you don’t even need to go alone, just need to stretch and feel the bare sun on your skin even for a few moments; he loves you, right? He cares for you, so this would be better for both of you. He’s so weak-willed and eager to please you for a moment you think he’d easily comply, but it doesn’t work. It sends him more into a panicked frenzy, clinging and cuddling, making all sorts of claims that move too fast to rebuttal. It’s dizzying, and in the end, he remains the one truly in power despite his remarks about being only for your needs. 

Of course, the main this is despite his contradictions in power, overall, he does genuinely often seek to please you. Make no mistake that despite being the one with the upper hand in terms of your future, you still can easily live a life of semi-normalcy if you play your cards right. And even if things get to the extreme, like fully isolated, Mika will bend fate to bring you nearly anything you would ask for. And if he can’t get it, he’ll try anything he can to make it. 

Now to argue, the reasoning behind Mika’s tendencies is pretty apparent. The rooted abandonment issues are a crucial factor, it drives most of his fears and creates logic as to why he feels the need to lock onto people so intensely. He’s a rooted stalker, a mix between being extremely open with it and completely hidden, taking photos constantly without your knowledge, willing to collect all sorts of trash or items he can get his hands on, break-in, and more. There basically isn’t a stone unturned where Mika hasn’t been. Even more part of this comes in despite a fear of talking to strangers; he will threaten them for being ‘too friendly’ and say you two are together even if you aren’t, almost always driving people away from you. This can be found in Mika’s delusional nature of having conversations which he thinks are you giving advice or others telling him, much like how he fantasizes about conversations with Shu when looking for answers to projects. Some of this is attributed to Mika being well aware his emotions are almost always in control. 

Regarding you and others interacting, Mika primarily runs on autopilot. He might not even recall what he says to them; it’s a mix of emotion and adrenaline running the show. The final reason for his tendencies is trying to break out of being a doll. He does have feelings, wants, and desires that he should work to fulfill rather than always being just a doll told everything. It’s a lot of weight and pressure, and one of the things that comes with that is the human desire for love. For attention and validation on a deeper scale, something that the human side eventually craves from you. No longer does he just want to be a doll that falls into the corner waiting to be molded; he knows that as a human, these are things that come with it— even if profoundly misplaced. And as away the human side doesn’t take away from his more meek, submissive attitude that came with a doll mentality, at least not entirely, but it is what makes him realize more the nature of his desires. 

And as mentioned, Mika is… well, gross. Not in a literal sense, okay, maybe slightly literally in the thoughts and extreme hoarding of items he might be willing to take, but it’s more than that. Mika pushes the acceptable bounties; he has little and runs purely on emotions and whims— they control him. His actions are horrendously creepy at times, and his delusions push him to do things that just come off as disturbing. The tragic downside is ES isn’t an ordinary place with ordinary people. The majority of those around him come off more as enablers or too busy to care in the hustle of idol life. Examples being are Shu, Ritsu, and Arashi, all being helpless enablers to Mika and doing little to genuinely help you if it means Mika’s happiness. Cosmic Productions doesn’t care; as long as Valkyrie brings in revenue, then you’re just collateral damage and other companies at ES have little awareness of the reality going in the department. Not to mention I don’t think Crazy:B or Eden has the best members to speak on the subject, with 2wink being the most reasonable you could go to, but often they have enough going on it’s hard to seek solace in them.

And the last main general note is that while things would never be easy and life would always have some level of undertones of there being something wrong seeping from under the surface, Mika is one where you could get away with not being kidnapped and isolated. This doesn’t remove any general problems or underlying creepiness, it might even make it worse, but the idea of available yet moderated freedom might be better than nothing. Nearly all of your attention still needs to go to Mika, and if you would be to play the role of a partner to him, having the chance to still semi-function outside of being locked in some rooms might be a better alternative. This does stems from the fact Mika is willing to bend for you, as long as you comply with parts of his affection even for show. It also doesn’t dilute any aspects like stalking or stealing. But unless there is only full-out rejection of everything, would Mika likely turn to Shu or Ritsu for advice which would supply kidnapping as an alternative route (those little shits). It’s not easy for Mika to transport you to the dorm or Shu’s apartment to keep you locked up, and as mentioned, once isolated, getting Mika to let up and let you leave is nearly nonexistent even if you begin to return his advances (both for show or genuine). Overall, this is to say kidnapping is never a guaranteed ending with Mika, unlike with many others but not ever out of the question either. It can come very suddenly and always a looming presence if you aren’t willing to give into Mika’s fantasies. 

Okay, so that is the central portion. Now some more miscellaneous items. 

For one, Mika genuinely doesn’t mind if you use violence against him. Not saying he wants it necessarily; it’s not some masochistic desire to be hit, kicked, and generally beaten by you. But it doesn’t serve as a functional way to get him to stop or go away. He is essentially any attention is still attention. You’re mistaken if you think that while he is crying, clawing at your legs and hips for attention, a quick slap or kick to get him to let go will work. It might somehow many him latch on harder, claiming that it’s okay, you can do it again, it helps you calm down, just let him stay. Keep giving him the attention, the validation. And even worse this behavior is something Mika is willing to do in public if pushed or called out enough. Any terms of thinking you’re abandoning or leaving him creates an overdrive in him, quickly transforming into someone willing to beg to keep you around. In public, it’s made worse because not only does he look like the one being hurt by you— he’s an idol. Well-known one too, and if something terrible happens to him, it will only come back and hurt you. Either through die-hard fans or the company scolding you. Violence not only spurs Mika more but damages your livelihood in the bigger picture, making it null any tactic to help with the burden of Mika’s tendencies. 

However, this extends to one important thing. Your actions don’t really hurt Mika? Even on a physical level. It’s well noted Mika has an extremely high pain tolerance and that it would take a lot for him to acknowledge something hurting him in a way that would temporarily take him out. He doesn’t mind being physically hurt not only because it has some power dynamics and he’s doing anything to please you, but even in the case there is that contraction of him still having the upper hand. He gives you the permission to hit or kick him, likely because he has an awareness of being able to take it without it limiting his hold on you and still giving that outlet to you. Even if these are subconscious choices, it’s unsettling how much control he still has between his physicality benefits, idol career, and connections. Mika truly is a powerhouse in this way, and violence to him practically cannot solve anything as a means of escape, even if he offers it as stress relief or punishment to himself. 

Another big thing for Mika is forgetting the past and focusing on the future. There was before you, and then there is now. Anything before does not matter, and in a sense, he sort of expects this from you as well. Ex-partners, ex-crushes, ex-situation-ships; none of those matter now that he is here, and you better feel the same of these things being ‘dead.’ Photos or any other sentimental item need to be wiped away, and your mind shouldn’t need to wander back to them because you have something more now and forever. This idea of focusing on the future/now also relates to how many delusions and ideas for how things will work out between you in the long term. Marriage, starting a family, domestic life as a whole— Mika spends much of his time picturing and creating pieces that inspire him of this future as well as daydreaming of what life could become no longer attached to his past. 

Some more quick round-head canons; Mika will fill up notebooks and writing your name and his name. Pretty much any cross-over you can think of. Just your name with hearts, your name and his name with hearts, your first name and his last name, his first name and your last name, a teased ship name given from Arashi— the list can go on. It’s scribbled messily, and other times written with such extreme care. It’s only loose papers and trash, on his sketch designs and doodled with his finger on tables. Not only does he do it as a practice of his handwriting and the love of seeing your name written with that, but the combinations he can make feel like a validation of the closeness he has. Much like any early crush, it’s some comfort level of daydreaming— regardless of the actual proximity you have with one another. Also yes, he will lose loose pages and if you don’t know what he’s doing it’s very creepy the first few times. Or hundred. The amount of times he writes your names together is beyond comfort; very heavily boarding on obsessive. 

Mika is also not great at conversations, with mostly everyone but the awkwardness is pushed even more with you. There is too much pressure, and his feelings run in such high control that it often comes out as a mix of self-deprecating, worshipping you, and trying to act like a normal mess. It’s almost always awkward even if you try to ease him and are kind, and it does kinda become worse the longer it goes on because this is when his stalking, photography, and niche personal things become apparent in conversations. If you didn’t think he was stalking you beforehand or at least didn’t catch him, you’d be given many hints the more he talks to you. This extends from the fact he does everything possible to get materials and content he knows interests you. Even if you think it’s something knows one would know you like, Mika does somehow and will in passing bring it up in the weirdest form of trying to have a casual conversation. Books, CDs, and TV shows and stuff are all a part of his hoarding connection about you simply because you like it.  Even if it never would be something he’d look up on his own, he’d do anything to connect and relate even more to you. There never is any proof you can’t call him out other than having suspicions which, once again, little to anyone would take seriously, but you can’t help but feel Mika knows more than he is truly letting on. 

Will do any and everything for you if he can; carrying items, buying you things, cleaning stuff— of course, be careful asking him for this because he might take advantage of you letting him get this close to such personal tasks— but there never is anything he doesn’t offer to do. Idol work might get in the way, though, he can’t neglect his job, but any other time he is on your heels, waiting to do anything he can for you. And sure, at first, it’s nice. It lifts some burdens or comes off as Mika being Mika offering to give more than needed to anyone. But buying you things often comes off with a strange energy radiating off of them, even if there is seemingly nothing wrong. Him cleaning or doing simple domestic tasks, such as laundry, ends up with some things being missing or damaged. You notice so many other weird things in your apartment if he offers to clean. And carrying items,  while seemly harmless, still just makes your stomach churn. He fully just shows up out of nowhere on the most random shopping tasks offering his help and pushing closer and closer to you. What once was Mika feeling like his strange but overall kind, sweet nature stepping up to help an overworked staff member turns exhausting, skin-crawling offer. Even if he usually looks all sweet and innocent offering. Damn, the fact he does have some cuteness charm regardless of his actions. 

Arashi coming in clutch again being an enabler to Mika!! Upon teaching Mika about selfies and the momentum of photos… Mika gets a little too on board with this. He takes photos whenever he can, both blurry and crisp, highly focused or landscape of you, anywhere and everywhere. There are so many pictures he has and collects, often finding it hard to delete any one of them because there is something special attached to each one. Selfies and other photos he can get with you, either to your knowledge or without it are probably the most important to his collections. The second ones are those that either are from dates or situations that Mika dates. He is willing to print them off and keep them all over, even having dedicated spaces and boxes of printed photos or simply made posters. There would probably be some specific photo he becomes horrendously attached to as well, much like having one of Shu he constantly uses to talk to or seek advice from. 

The reason to account for the photos is because, as I’ve touched on, Mika is a filthy hoarder. He will legitimately take whatever he can get his hands on if he thinks it has some value to you. While I think depending on the item, particular trash isn’t seen as valuable or limited value others have much more. For example, plastic utensils aren’t valued at much; you used it once and then got rid of them, which has very little value to you. But say a silverware from your kitchen, chopsticks/spoon/whatever you use daily, has that value level and is worth wanting to keep for his own use. If you wear makeup, an empty lipstick/chapstick tube will be more sentimental or valued than a used tissue. This can also be found in the fact he’s mainly sharing spaces. While he still is a hoarder and does his best to keep his collection out of the main sight or in a place that isn’t easily accessed, there is always a chance someone could come to clean out those spaces. Something like a tissue is more likely to get loaded and thrown away, while Mika could better justify a chapstick holder as being able to be kept. This doesn’t change the fact that he is able and willing to collect a lot of gross things, such as well willing to have a container of bath water of yours if he could easily get it or an old notebook you might forget about. Even if it’s just work notes, he’d take it. And Mika might sometimes try to get rid of parts of his collection until he can secure a long-term and connected relationship with you, such as living together; it’s hard for him to part with anything of yours. These items are fucking everywhere too. His dorm, Shu’s apartment, the sewing station, and his area at CosPro. You might even see things you thought you lost just lying around and be able to “steal” them back with how prolific his hoarding is scattered. 

Clothing is the one thing; sadly, you will probably never get back, or at least if you could not in its original form. Mika loves, even obsessively, uses scraps and parts of your clothing in his. Even in the costumes for Valkyrie if he can, so there is a piece of you on stage with him. His use for upcycling extends back to his past, needing to take clothes and items from the trash to even have things of his own to wear, but now it feels much more special. This is rewriting all of the stigma and pain he carried of having nothing more than trash clothes— discarded by people just as he was. Sure, this clothes was stolen and didn’t have your permission to use, but it has the comfort woven into its threads. It smells like you and has the texture from how you cared for it when you washed it. It has the stains and memories of you, the feeling of someone being so loved by you it’s clearly ready to be thrown out finally, so it’s perfect if he repurposes it. He never takes too much, and if you have a clear favorite item Mika knows not to take it; maybe steal it from the wash pile and use it as a pillow cover for a bit, but always have it returned as well. At that time he’d fantasy the domestic life of being together, where he could openly wear his upcycled material of your clothes patched together [and you can wear them too!]. Or where he can take your clothes and wear them without shame or worry of getting them back on time, and the comments you’d make seeing him in your stuff. All of the fantasies turn him bright red, and even the next day, when you greet him, he looks a little more flushed than usual around you.

However yes, many things go missing, but they are often just as much replaced. Simple things are replaced with Mika spending his own money and then finding ways to either customize or make it so the item is uniquely tied to the two of you. Certain things also have trackers in them, but most are just decorative in some way. You remember how you lost your favorite pair of chopsticks when you brought your own lunch that one day. Weirdly enough the next day a new pair ended up in your bag but one bejeweled on the handle to match a particular sewer’s aesthetic while the other matched yours. Or hair clips that you once got as decorative jokes for a photo you and your friends had been planning; you figured you just misplaced them but these new ones you found are nothing like the previous ones aesthetic… If you look too long in a shop at clothing or accessories Mika might not always be able to buy them due to expenses buts he’s well quick to make them, even with the added benefit of it being tailored now specifically to how you prefer. They always end up at your desk so neatly packaged, many coworkers assume it’s perhaps brands trying to get cozy with you for future deals with idol groups but these aren’t the same as what you saw in the window. No, these are too perfect for you to be just any run-of-the-mill store item. The even more unsettling part is how this person managed to get your measurements so spot on if not for measuring you in your sleep. 

There is also one specific way Mika would get caught for the more,, creepy actions. You’d know he could be a bit of a stalker. He has his moments where it’s oblivious he’s following you or others but those always come off more like a kicked puppy trying to follow someone home rather than malicious. Like he wants to interact, but internal conflict holds him back so much he forgets where he is until he is slightly too far behind and stumbles to keep up. If he really wants to stalk, Mika can keep himself hidden. There are other times all his other more ‘bizarre’ actions are qualified as Mika being Mika, like being fatigued after bouts of practice and finding his way to your desk out of habit in hopes to see you rather than going and getting medical attention/rest, or coming to hover around your desk for inspiration like a cat. If you aren’t there, usually you see cheap candies on your desk as a reminder he was there and is probably off looking for you or went back to the workstation much more disappointed than before. For the most part conversation with Mika, you might not lead to believe anything is deeply wrong with his infatuation levels. He’s always spoken weirdly with his doll-like commentary and the idea of letting others “control” him such as Shu and you. Or that his comments tend to come from a lack of understanding rather than outright trying to harm, so you do your best to guide him in topics. You’ve always known his emotional state can be complex, and his childhood likely made it hard to process feelings, resulting him them dominating his sense of self and backfiring into making them more unsettling than maybe he intended [of course while Mika’s perception of the events being vastly different]. All of these would change when you awake in the middle of the night hearing stumbling in your apartment. The first few times you hear a thump or grunt, you believe it’s just your sleepy brain making up stuff. It’s unsettling, and you always can feel your heart rate spike, but you don’t have anything to assume there is something wrong. But it often continues and you’re getting worried. Everything comes rushing into a close of an era when you manage to shake yourself awake one night, hearing a whine from the floor by your bed only to see a mass of dark hair and clothes. None other than Mika, watching you in your sleep— or well trying. 

See while Mika would love to use the nighttime to stalk around your apartment and get things done… his case of night blindness makes it much harder. Walking into walls or furniture, tripping over a bag that wasn’t always there, or simply leaning in too close that he bonked his head into your trying to look at your face before diving under your bed as to tousle around. It never really hurts, but he does let out a startled noise, or the falling is enough to cause a loud sound. But now, you’ve caught him in the act. And many questions are bound to follow in the morning, ones neither of you can escape from. Finding out Mika’s habits won’t change the outcome for him too much; what will is how you choose to follow but it doesn’t matter. He’ll find a way to be around in your life more no matter how you respond.