#sorry for putting a url in the tags i know that's useless

[corviiids]

wben i finally get more than 0.2 microns of energy and make one of the multiple video essays i desperately want to make so i can yap out loud as god (never) intended

[sixohsixoheightfourtwo]

15 people 15 questions

tagged in this meme a few weeks ago by @isaksbestpillow!! here we go

1. are you named after anyone?

My first name is the name of a specific figure from UK history! someone a lot of uk people have heard of, but it's unusual to actually have this as a name. I get some incredulity and some people who politely ask where i'm from. I have to say i'm not 100% sure what answer they're expecting.

My tumblr url is a B-52s song which seemed somehow relevant back in uhhh 2013 or whenever it was.

2. when was the last time you cried?

I thinkkkk possibly when i was doing my taxes back in january. These days I tend to cry from stress and anger and frustration but it's really bad for me because once I start I find it VERY hard to stop, it makes my emotions spiral, I get more and more upset, so I really have to squash it down. For me crying is not cathartic, it just ruins the day.

3. do you have kids?

No - BUT - I have a lot of much younger cousins - and I babysit them & help with childcare fairly often so I am quite used to kids. Fortunately my cousins think i'm super fun

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

I am extremely noncompetitive! I was terrible at team sports at school and also had terrible hand-eye coordination. I have been at times an OK swimmer and I played a lot of table tennis in my last couple of years of school with the other four or five people who'd been deemed too useless for netball etc. As an adult I do youtube yoga, I periodically do app-based running stuff like Zombies Run or Nike Run Club. Ideally I'd like to go every day on like a 5 mile walk in an interesting location with a reasonable amount of ascent and descent but in a city it's hard to orchestrate that. Also I put my little cousins on my shoulders and get them to direct me where to go so they can learn the difference between left and right

5. do you use sarcasm?

I think I actually don't! Maybe a little bit sometimes. I tend to me more uhhh. pedantic and literal. tend to deconstruct .

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

uhhhhh probably skin texture . or haircut . or I look at their clothes. i don't know . sounds creepy. sorry.

7. what’s your eye color??

I think if you average it out it's brownish / greenish . think filippo berio bottle . maybe a bit browner / greyer than that. I tried to take a picture but it only confused me. Also when you look close enough at someone's eyes you might get flecks of like eight different colours.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

I do watch and enjoy scary movies and I have learned that I have a higher tolerance for them than some people BUT if I must pick between the two - I am team happy ending.

9. any talents ?

Little bit doublejointed! Can play a little bit of ukulele. Good memory. Good cook. Can make cocktails .

10. where were you born?

London, UK

11. what are your hobbies?

cooking, language learning, walking. Tumblr . opening new browser tabs . I'm getting some wine qualifications which is partly work related partly hobby.

12. do you have any pets?

no but my sister & her partner just got a dog and I do feel I am now an auntie

13. how tall are you?

167 cm I think? i think that's 5 ft 6? normal amount.

14. favourite subject in school?

probably languages ........... honestly I don't remember. unfortunately I had a thirst for knowledge and enjoyed most subjects.

15. dream job?

What I do now (print media production work, magazine production work) is pretty good for me

I'm going to do what @isaksbestpillow did and tag the last 15 people in my notes, that seems fun. no obligation obviously! @rociopath @fizzbuzzbananagram @magicmarker @autisticmisabel @starburger @the-omnishambles @itsmapes @youvegotaluckyface @misterhaderach @jestershark @lanninglurksnomore @sirquacklesdefoof @tracybaconnnn @321claratin @alien-ally

[thedevotionaltour]

can't lie to u seeing some posts go around on main is so... just say the urls of the ppl ur discussing with a slash in there. put it in tags or something if u don't wanna put it in there outright. hell even censor it but leave the first and last letter there. i get why but also it's so bothersome to see "wanna avoid these racist people in our community? then dm me to know" im sorry it's so... again i get it i do i really do but it makes me roll my eyes a little. either actually say something or don't. or if u see someone interacting with those users then message them. vaguing like this feels so absolutely useless. either outright say it or say something to the people interacting with them instead of just making a post saying ask me to know who these racist users are if you didn't see this when it first occurred.

[curly-headed-one]

The lovely @sunflowrhaz tagged me in this! ⭐️ It was so cool to learn these things about you. I also have a new book rec so thank you for that. It took a bit of time to answer, I apologize, but I feel very flattered, thank you! 💗

I’d love to tag: Whoever feels up to this! It was great fun and I’d love to anybody who is that confident to share and say I tagged them. But also: @harrysblackboa @sryluvidrc @kopfcarossell because I would love to hear from you! ❤️

———————-

picrew!

I never did one before but I loved this! I feel pretty happy with my first try! 

screenshots

Lockscreen: Iconic; Last song you listened to: I tried to prove a point about another song that had a similar Verse. & Last photo you saved: I think I reblogged this but I loved it so much I needed it in my pictures.

four songs i’ve heard today

Lay Your Love On Me - Mamma Mia Cast

Animals - Martin Garrix (idk either man)

Monster - Kanye West, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross

She - Harry Styles 

seven comfort films

I’ll jump in and agree: Every Harry Potter film

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Spiderman 1 (The Original with Tobey Maguire)

Disney’s Hercules

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Kissing

Step Up 4 - Miami Heat

Little Shop of Horrors

get to know me

Name/nickname: I don’t have one!! Unacceptable please nickname me!

Star sign: Aquarius

Favourite bands/groups: Listen, what a loaded question; Let’s do five: One Direction, One Republic (you see a theme here?) The 1975, Queen, Arctic Monkeys... Oh god I regret this already.

Favourite solo artists: No okay for real this is too much. 

Song stuck in my head: Honestly? Niall’s With or Without You Cover. 

Last movie: Little Shop of Horrors

Last show: Grey’s Anatomy (Judge me all you want it let’s me forget/avoid all my problems) 

When did I create this blog: December 2011 (I THINK)

What do I post about: One Direction (I am stuck and I only regret it a little bit), everything I like? And sometimes politics (so sorry). 

Last thing I googled: The lyrics of “Make You Mine” (As I said I was trying to prove a point!) 

Other blogs: I am trying to set up a writing blog but so far it’s useless @yoursilenceisaluxury​

Do I get asks: Rarely but I cherish them dearly. 

Why did I choose this url: Because I thought the way Liam said it at the Brits 2014 was hilarious. (Insert frantic Harry Styles returning from a wee to accept their award).

Following: 274

Followers: I refuse to put this because it is irrelevant. (It’s small though I am not ashamed! :))

Average hours of sleep: 6-8 right now (So proud of myself)

Lucky number: 36!!

Instruments: Used to play the piano but lost that now. :/

What I am wearing: Mom Jeans and a t-shirt! (So proud of this too).

Dream job: I really don’t have one. Just one that makes me happy. 

Dream trip: Norway (again), New York (I know don’t judge me), Argentina.

Favourite food: Probably pasta? But there is barely something I do not eat to be quite frank. 

Nationality: Don’t know which one to put ahhh. Guess it’ll stay a secret.  

Favourite song: There is no right answer to this. (Also Under Pressure - Queen/David Bowie)

Last book I read: Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (it makes me cry in a cool way).

Three fictional universes you'd like to live in: Pirates of the Caribbean, A Marvel Universe (not sure which one right now; most of them are depressing as hell) probably the original Doctor Strange Universe (Am I a nerd? Nope.), anddd I’d love to try the “perfect” world in Matrix.

Wowee that was a wild ride. ☀️

[wyrmtooth]

Hi so I got tagged by @dealbrekker for this cute little interview thing. It’s long so under the cut!

Nickname: nothing real consistently but a previous coworker always called me Key in the most loving tone so that’s probs my fav 🥰

Pronouns: she/they I think

Star sign: aquarius

Height: 5’10”

Time currently: [EDIT] 7:55pm when I posted this lol I was rushing bc I had a drama date at 8pm

Birthday: Jan 26

Favorite band: for a long time it was probs Mother Mother but now that I’m less depressed (lol) idk. I’ve been really into Leprous lately bc Einar’s voice is just angelic but I’ve also bought a lot of Nothing But Thieves albums bc they really know how to make a bop

Favorite solo artist: ALSO HARD but I think I have to go Cosmo Sheldrake bc he’s the perfect intersection of enviro nerd sound sampling and whimsy. Seeing him break down his audio samples and jam live really sealed it for me

Song stuck in your head: Castaway Angels by Leprous. The Drama of it oof *slaps it in my Essek playlist*

Last movie: A Whisker Away I think. I put it on to make fun of while I crochet bc the premise sounded bad trope-y but I liked it more than I expected! Still wish they’d had a “by the way stalking is bad” message tied in at the end smh

Last show: Tale of the Nine Tailed for TV and Escape from the Bloodkeep for YT series. Both quite good!

When I created this blog: 2011

Last thing I googled: “kid microphone magic mic” trying to figure out what those echo mic toys were called, for hokey DnD reasons

Other blogs: caoimheart where I draw stuff like once a year these days, patinasapore for Aesthetic Vibes, caorefs for reference stuff

Why you chose your url: I needed something non-fandom and dragons are my fav since like birth so here we are

Do you get asks: not really but I’m bad at talking to people online anyway. I’ve gotten one or two that I got like a YEAR late bc I don’t get ask notifs?? Sorry if you ever sent something and I didn’t reply 😔

How many people are you following: 739

How many are following you: 344 (hi!)

Average hours of sleep: 7-8 except on Critical Role night when I decide to be dead on Friday. I’m truly useless on less than 7 hours idk why

Lucky numbers: not really? I like the vibe of 4, 5, and 13

Instruments you play: euphonium in grade school and I’m trying to teach myself piano + electric guitar more recently. It’s hard on my weak hands though :/

What I’m wearing: teal pj pants, a Myst shirt, and my sister’s old hoodie, all ready to watch kdramas remotely with Dealbrekker hehe

Dream job: at this point part-time finance that pays big $$$ so i can spend my other time volunteering and funding environmental initiatives. So hard to get into conservation without being a trust fund kid smh

Dream trip: I really want to visit Australia and Aotearoa/New Zealand but idk if I’ll ever be able to go long enough to make the time change worth it

Fave food: for meals it’s chicken parm man. I’ve tried to change my own mind but I love it and the most narcissistic thing is my fav version of it is my own recipe. Similar for sweets my fav is probably the amaretto chocolate chip cookies I make.

Fave song: hm my go to answer for this is Summer Guest by Ásgeir. Pretty little ditty about a bird

Top 3 fictional universes you’d want to live in: weirdly the Murderbot universe but on Preservation bc fuck the ultra capitalism planet(s), Tortall (Tamora Pierce), Avatar (i mean benders but the blue people are honestly cool too)

Tagging: the girl reading this :) or really anyone who feels like it!

[transgenderboobs]

bunch o’ tag games under the cut

tagged by @dykeangel​ !! ty emilie 

what was your last…

drink - jus woter 

phone call - my phone company

text message - dad

song you listened to - the fall by half alive

time you cried - last night watching jojo rabbit 

have you ever…

dated someone twice - kind of?

been cheated on - not to my knowledge 

lost someone special - yes? i mean not like they died but people have like. left my life u know

been depressed - lmao

gotten drunk and thrown up - Yes. :|

in this year, have you…

made a new friend - Yes ! 

fallen out of love - no

laughed until you cried - Yes. do this a lot in the horny for worms chat

met someone who changed you - u mean like in these 3 months of 2020? no

found out who your true friends are - idk??? i mean i like to think i KNOW already

kissed someone on your facebook list - lol no

general…

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life - like.....most of them.

do you have any pets - yes!!!!!! i have two cats and two dogs

do you want to change your name - yes. i just have to find one that feels right and then go about making the Effort to actually change it

what did you do for your last birthday - i just like. went out for dinner and ice cream

what time did you wake up - like. noon

what were you doing at midnight last night - watching jojo rabbit!!!!!!!

what’s something you can’t wait for - this pandemic to end so i can finally go the fuck to germany

when was the last time you saw your mum - new years eve

what are you listening to right now - nuffink babe

have ever met a person named tom - don’t think so

what’s something that gets on your nerves - my school’s admin giving me Useless info about this pandemic sitch re: my thesis/graduation

what’s your blood type - absolutely no clue. i asked my parents and they don’t know either. it’s a mystery

nickname - prem is a nickname

relationship status - obviously i’m married to daisy tonner sorry ladies ;)

zodiac sign - aquarius

pronouns - they/them

fav tv show - the good place!!!!!!!!!

tattoos - many. got some pics of a few of them in my tattoo tag

right or left handed - right

first…

surgery - none. well i had to be put under anesthesia  once so they could do some weird shit to my teeth cuz i had this nasty infection but idk if that counts

piercing - ears babey

best friend - her name was kalea we stopped talking when i was like 6 or 7 and she recently added me on fb again

sport - LOLLLLLL ME PLAYING A SPORT???? LMAO I HAVE TO LAUGHHHHHHHH

vacation - hmmmm i think going to texas to see my dads family just before my parents got divorced 

pair of trainers - what the fuck are trainers

right now…

eating - nothing

drinking - nothing? water?

i’m about to - get up and make some coffee

listening to - nothing

waiting for - nothing

want kids - NO NEVER

get married - yes bitch !

career - i just want to lie on a hot rock under the sun for several hours of the day 

which is better…

hugs or kisses - both

lips or eyes - eyes

shorter or taller - either would be excellent 

older or younger - don’t care as long as they’re close enough to my age 

romantic or spontaneous - romantic

nice arms or nice stomach - no preference

sensitive or loud - either. both

hook up or relationship - relationship

trouble maker or hesitant - trouble maker

have you ever…

kissed a stranger - i wanna say no but i was a god damn lunatic in high school so it’s possible 

drank hard liquor - Yes a lot

sex on the first date - never been on a date. but i have had s*x with someone after only knowing them for like 5 hours day so

broke someone’s heart - I THINK I DID BUT I DIDNT NOTICE TILL LIKE TWO YEARS LATER

had your heart broken - yes.

been arrested - yes.

cried when someone died - never really known anyone who died besides relatives i’d met maybe once in my life at max, so. n/a

fallen for a friend - i only wanna smash my bros bro

do you believe in…

yourself - eeehhhhhh

miracles - eeeEEEHHHHH

love at first sight - no.

santa claus - no

kiss on the first date - sure !

angels - no

-

tagged by @paintedvanilla​ !!! thank

instructions: tag 10 followers that you wanna get to know sorry

name: just prem

nicknames: prem is a nickname :3c

gender: oh no thank you i’m ok

star sign: aquarius

height: 5’9″ (OR exactly 69 inches or 175 cm)

sexuality: dyke

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

fave animal: i like owls and cats

average hours of sleep: god. who knows. not enough

current time: 12:30pm lads

dog or cat person: i mean i love them both but i think i’m a cat person

blankets you sleep with: just my comforter 

dream trip: @ MY SCHOOL JUST LET ME DO MY STUDY ABROAD TRIP TO GERMANY........

dream job: see above

when I made my blog: january 2014

followers: 3798

why i made a tumblr: god who remembers why i did anything in 2014. a bitch was still in high school in 20fucking14

reason for my url: no god damn genders allowed in this fucking house hold thank u Very much

-

rules: hit shuffle and list the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people

tagged by @d-quintana​ and @the1975bi​ !!! ilu guys 

ghost - halsey

firefly - breaking benjamin

monster - paramore

i write sins not tragedies - p!atd

broken open - cold war kids

brick by boring brick - paarmore

wild heart - bleachers 

this is gospel - p!atd

don’t stop - innerpartysystem

cliff’s edge - hayley kiyoko

the love club - lorde

anyone else but you - moldy peaches

curse - imagine dragons

west coast - coconut records 

lemon to a knife fight - the wombats

would that i - hozier

killer - the ready set

headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet - fob

snitches and talkers get stitches and walkers - fob

bad side of 25 - patrick stump

[nyanzaya]

@heart-will-not-surrender​ inquired: Slowly puts @perspextivexx​ here

Send Me A URL and I’ll Respond With My Opinions…

Roleplaying/Writing

My favorite muse(s) of theirs and why: I like Briar and Lili honestly. I like Briar because literally she makes me laugh. She tries not to be emotional even though I think she is quiet emotional, especially when she and Iza get to talking and how Iza seems to just read into things she does or why she acts a way- like...he reads into what she might be trying to keep hidden about herself even if it might be incorrect and is just what Iza thinks of her and she gets her feathers all ruffled because some of it might be right and she doesn’t want to face that fact or it’s wrong but she still doesn’t like that he can get a good read on her. Then Lili, she’s so adorable. Her story is sad and it’s sad that she’s going to be a kitten forever and she’s going to watch everyone she loves grow older while she stays the same age. The angst material is real right there but it’s interesting to me because how often do you even hear of that happening to a muse? It’s the first time for me and I love her.  My favorite interaction/thread of theirs: I can’t even lie or phase it I liked that really brief interaction between Iza and I think it was Maria? I remember her trying to make a deal with Iza, promising that his masters would be killed, but mistakenly said something about his 3rd, who was already dead and Iza just...belittled her? Like oof..iza...that was a demon you probably angered I’m surprised you’re still alive. I wouldn’t even blame her if she did kill him right then, even if he was for some reason valuable to her. Iza literally just “Oh, you couldn’t even get that information correct? You’re useless to me.” AT LEAST I’M SURE IT WAS MARIA-- if I have the completely wrong person LMFAO The one with Briar and Iza being domestic? Like, Briar playing with Iza when he was laying on the floor and she had a cat toy and he just would play but then get lazy. I thought that was adorable AF. My thoughts on their unique characterization/interpretation of their muse(s): Since they are Oc’s you can’t go wrong with them at all LOL I like how consistent they are though. They don’t ever feel like they are out of place or anything like that. My thoughts on their writing style as a whole: Considering you are on mobile? It’s honestly good writing lol I know it’s different writing on a computer than it is on mobile since I have written on mobile and god bless you I don’t know how you do it? I’m more of a multi-para person but I actually enjoy our stuff even if it’s 1 para or 3  Situation(s)/Plot(s) I’d love to see their muse(s) in: Oh gosh... okay. I think I want to see a situation where Lili has to deal with losing someone close after like years of knowing them. It might sound horrible and stuff but I’m genuinely curious of how she would cope, and react and I wonder if like, she would grow out of that mental innocence she has as a kid? Even though I think she is more like a cat since she literally was a cat when she died and was brought back as half-cat but I think it’s just something interesting to consider! Someone else I love seeing them interact with: I always find it funny to see Briar interact with Izaya, the specific one she interacts with LOL it’s just always fun to see it on my dash.  Anything else I want to say about their roleplaying: I’m really impressed! Like, it’s admirable to me because I find it so hard to rp on mobile and you are doing it and making it look so easy lol I’m literally just spoiled and like to use icons //cri but even without them I still really enjoy my boys interacting with yours regardless of being iconless or not!

If We Know Each Other

What I Think Are Their Best Qualities: tbh your determination I think it really admirable. Your ambition to write and further develop your characters is great What I Think Are Their Strengths: Communicative, especially when it’s for something important. Super friendly, sweet and creative<3<3 A Memorable OOC Interaction Of Ours: Oh gosh.. we don’t actually talk all that much lol but we do talk in the tags sometimes and I do remember us dying over how cute domestic!Iza and Briar were Why Others Should RP With Them: Because their characters are interesting! I think it would def be worth it to write with them because they can throw their characters into just about any situation!  How Others Should Approach Them: I honestly, don’t remember how we started interacting but the best thing to do is to just, slide into the DMs and ask! I’m sure they would love to do just about anything lol Other Roleplayers I’d Recommend To Them: oh gosh... I’m not sure what fandoms you are in? I think you would love songcode’s Psyche! Or uhm... if you’re into free my husbando’s multimuse for it is great too and they also have other fandom’s that isn’t just free<3 Anything else I want to say about them: THEY ARE AMAZING PLEASE! GIVE THEM A CHANCE YOU WON’T REGRET

If We Have/Plan To Interact Together

A plot I’d like to write with them: Oh gosh.... I’m horrible with plots LOL uhhm... I’m really good at winging it though :”> Honestly feel free to send any like, rp memes and prompts I’d always find a way to work it out most of the time if I can’t then I’d def let you know lol A muse I want to introduce to them: I don’t really have a muse I can introduce to you I’m sorry asdfjkasdf I know there’s Asher and Aiko but LOL They are more...side characters than anything and they would need Zuo there to “properly” interact with  A ship/broship I’d like to propose to them: mmm.... I’m not really sure lol It’s hard for me to say. I’m sorry LOL Rosalina and Iza would be an interesting bro/professional-relationship that you proposed A thread with them I’m excited about: The one with Iza, Briar and Lili! I think it’ll be fun lol Briar gets to see Iza being a mom asdfjas and taking care of a kitten ASJDFKASD HELP BRIAR ACTUALLY SEEING A SOFTER SIDE TO IZA BYE Anything else I want to say: BLESS YOUR SOUL IM GLAD TO SEE YOU ON MY DASH AND IM PROUD OF YOU! 

[christinky]

Help | Part 6

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Pairing: Dad!Tony x Stark!Reader

Warnings: Depression, Alcohol. A SUPER SURPRISE thats pretty obvious but I’d like to think its shocking.

Summary: You are Tony Starks daughter and Peter is one of your good friends. You don’t like to be helped until one day, when you aren’t able to refuse it. Even Tony might need to ask for it, a lot of it, to help save you. 

A/N: Thanks for putting up with me. Please reblog if you love me. Or don’t. If you don’t we can’t be friends. Thanks. 

Its been almost 2 years since you went missing.... Sleeping has been easier for Tony, still not back to normal. He still has nightmares, still lies awake thinking of where you could be. Pepper and him decided to delay the wedding, they still have not set a date. The thought of you not being there crushes them, so they decided to just postpone.

Rhodey still comes by to check on Tony, make sure his depression is under control, and to just be with him to keep his mind off things. Once and a while, he can’t and ends up in Tony’s workshop, where Tony made it into his search headquarters. He hasn’t given up on you yet. Maps, newspaper articles, and photos now cover the walls. All information that could lead him to where you are. Rhodey likes to help, he wants to find you too, its just hard on him to see Tony like this.

Sitting in the kitchen, Tony pours himself a glass of whiskey as he waits for his dinner. “Um Hey, Mr. Stark” Peter walks into the room with an awkward wave and a shy smile. Tony has a surprised, yet confused look on his face seeing the boy.

Peter doesn’t come around as often. Since the official retirement of Iron Man the boys didn’t have much of a reason to get together anymore. Tony hasn’t wanted anything to do with the whole superhero stuff. “Well, this is a surprise” Tony said as he took a sip of his drink, “what’s up kid?” He gestures to the empty seat next to him.

Taking a seat Peter’s nerves start to settle. “Oh, nothing. Just.. just haven’t seen you in a while sir. Thought I would swing by to see how you were doing.”

“I’m fine. Thanks for stopping by.” He doesn’t like talking about it, he doesn’t want pity. Especially from an 18 year old boy. Peter is caught off guard with the response, his shoulders hunch over and you can see regret in his eyes. He is back to being the shy, nervous boy again.

The sound of heels echoes from the hallway, Pepper, however there are more footsteps along with her. Peter looks over his shoulder, reacting to the sound. Tony rests his face in his palm, not in the mood for more visitors. Immediately he is taken back, sitting up straight with wide eyes. 

In walks the rest of the Avengers, Sam, Natasha, Wanda, Steve, Vision with Bucky Barnes. “We have to talk.” Steve’s voice is serious.

Peter is starstruck, also a little embarrassed from the last encounter. He turned to look back at Tony, who now has a stern look on his face.

“What can I do for you?” He leans back against the counter, facing Steve and the rest of them. 

“Tony, something happened. Its Hydra.” Steve looks over at Bucky, giving him Tony’s attention.

All eyes are on Bucky, “A new super soldier emerged 2 days ago, they attacked tried to attack me in Wakanda. Hydra put a lot of work in this one, they must have been injected with the last of the serum Steve and I had. But” Bucky paused, “They also have the same powers as Wanda. I probably wouldn’t have made it but once they entered the barrier, the Wakandan army showed up. Scared them off I guess.” 

“So Hydra is up to something again?” Tony raised a brow, “Nothing you guys haven’t handled before. Good luck” With that he stands to leave the room. 

“We need you Tony.” Steve goes to grab his shoulder, making him stop in his tracks. 

“You can have the kid. Peter congrats, you’re an Avenger now.” He shakes Steve’s hand off his shoulder and tries to walk away. 

Peter adjusts his posture to sit up straight and tall with a smirk. No one was paying attention to him, they are watching Tony. 

“Come on Ton....” Steve was cut off.

“Listen, Iron Man is no more. It’s done Rogers. Done.” there is anger in his eyes, his voice was stern.

“I thought you wanted to help people” 

Tony is mad now, he raises his voice. “I couldn’t save her how can I save anyone else!? How am I supposed to help other people while my own daughter is still out there. I can’t even find her.” His eyes start to swell, his breathing is heavy from yelling, “If it wasn’t for that stupid suit (Y/N) would still be here, safe.” 

Tony leaves the room in a huff. Everyone looks concerned with sadness in their eyes, looking at one another. Pepper goes chasing after him. 

Steve takes a deep breath before turning to face the rest. “Well kid. Are you ready?” He looks at Peter who nods ready to go. 

*****************************************************************************************************

“Whoever that is, they are putting up a good fight. The fact that they ran really shows that they haven’t given up and still fighting them.” Bucky explains. 

They are in the jet, on their way to Hydra. “Okay. Se we let Bucky and Wanda focus on their soldier, they have the most experience with this.” Steve commands. “Peter, if you can help web them up so they have a better chance. If not help Natasha and I on the ground. They will have gunman and soldiers fighting. Sam, Vision, you guys control things from the air.” 

They don’t know exactly what they are going into, all they know is that Hydra has missiles aimed at populated areas and important buildings, they have weapons and a super soldier. 

Once they land there is not much time to prepare. Shots are being fired at them, Hydra was prepared for them.  They knew they were coming. 

The door opens, Cap throws his shield to take some gunmen out. Nat and Bucky use opening between fires to take some shots as well. Peter uses his web shooters to disarm with the help of Wanda, Sam and Vision take to the sky. 

Once they got clear Wanda and Bucky make a B-line towards the super soldier, they were protecting the missiles as they prepared for launch. Looking at them Bucky gets flashbacks of the pain they put him through. He knows the pain in their eyes, he has a better look than before. 

The soldier is a girl, she looks young. Her hair is long and tangled, bags under her eyes, her eyes tell the story. They look tired, worn out, in pain, and asking for help. Suddenly, he sees a change in behavior, she is not angry, like a soldier. 

She wears fitted black pants, combat boots, a tight black jacket with a worn shirt with the hydra markings, a muzzle around her face only showing her eyes, and headphones. The headphones are either to control her more, keep her from hearing around her, or both he thinks to himself. 

Before they can get close the soldier uses her powers to launch various objects from her surroundings. Wanda tries her best to catch everything so Bucky can make his way closer. 

“Hey guys, wait up!” Peter comes swinging through to help them, only to be hit by a piece of debris Wanda missed. He went flying to the ground, hitting it hard. Neither of them being phased by spiderboy’s mishap.

Bucky tries to engage, maybe to remove the headphones to help Hydra lose some control. Before he gets too close he is pushed back by Peter. Peter gets back onto his feet, for a moment he thought he saw something in the soldier, he doesn’t know what it is but its something. 

“Try to web her hands, try to grab the headphones if you can.” Bucky is cold, solely focused on helping the soldier break free of Hydra. 

Peter nods, then shoots a web to her hands. He has one completely covered causing it to be useless for the time being. 

Using her free hand, she reaches into her pocket. In her hand is a knife. Holding the knife she cuts the webbing, knowing the right angle to weaken it enough to break.

Images flash into Peter’s mind, the memory of the rooftop. When he tried to help you from the paparazzi and you cut his webbing... the thoughts hit him like a ton of bricks. His body goes numb for a moment, looking closely at the soldier. His heart stops, he can’t look away, his eyes are empty for a moment as his jaw slightly drops. He isn’t able to move. He realizes that its you.  

Tag List: @m4shtyx @spiderlingsweb @mackvanstan Sorry there was someone else but I forgot to save your url. I’m so sorry forgive me :( 

[cant-think-of-something-better]

8 people i’d like to know better

Thank you for tagging me @lol707lol707lol !!! except now I can't tag you :\

name: Would it kill the mystery if I write it? (I think I’ve wrote it here before but the odds of real life people finding my tumblr has increased recently lol)

birthday: February 1st!

zodiac sign: ooh recently one of my friends had me figure out my entire zodiac: Aquarius, ascendent Taurus and moon in Aries. I don't put a lot of faith in astrology but most Aquarius stuff is pretty spot on for me. And I was happy cuz Taurus’ are usually my favorites 

hobbies: I like to draw but tbh all I do is work rn haha. I sporadically pick up hobbies that dont last too long, I think the last one was knitting (I can only do hats lol). I’m a very dedicated sleeper if that counts 

favorite colors: Idk if its the depression talking but I’ve been saying grey for a while (might be a thing stolen from a song once again). I like it when its got a bit of a blue/purple tint to it tho.

height: 5 feet 1.5 inches. so about 156 cm I think (sorry I’m a useless American and conversions hurt my head)

favorite book: I really like Phantoms by Dean Koontz! horror stuff is my jam but if I pick up a teen romance-y book I read it so freaking fast cuz its like brain candy (The amount of times I have read the Twilight series is kinda embarrassing) For series I really loved Maximum Ride and I gotta stop now cuz I could go on and on about books. (send me asks for book recs plzzz)

last song i listened to: I’m listening to Billie Eilish as I write this! Currently Bellyache is playing

last film i watched: Circle (2015) I literally consume random netflix horror movies like candy these days. I watched this before I went to work the other day XD. would recommend, pretty interesting 

inspiration or muse: Usually music or random snippets from tv shows gets me drawing. If I really love a fic sometimes I do fan art for it... I haven't finished any of those tho 

dream job: God if I could draw better and understand computer programs better I would love to be an animator. I’ve thought about being a wildlife vet before (I realllllly like birds) but i gave up on that for some reason... heheh time to stop thinking about this

meaning behind url: pretty self explanatory. I’m awful at coming up with names but I kinda wish I came up with something more original/that would give me some cute tumblr nickname but oh wellll. Sort of reminded me of a lyric from a Twenty one Pilots song

I feel like I’ve been bugging people with all the picrew things recently so I’m gonna take a break from tagging people (*cough cough* my go to person already did this *cough cough*) but any of my followers who see this are now automatically tagged! yes you reading this! feel free to do it if you want!

[akindofmagictoo]

manuscript search tag game

I am once again filling a tag from @diphthongsfordays (also, my muscle memory is finally starting to spell your URL correctly. woo!) 

my words are home, happy, hate, hurry, help 

home (Dragonsong) (get stuffed, Brendon) 

She was perfectly fine at doing what she was told. But she was learning the difference between orders she should follow, and orders she shouldn’t. “This still isn’t about us.” 

“Weren’t you and your useless squire picked up by recruitment patrols? You wanted this. You wouldn’t shut up about it.” 

Isi took a deep breath. “I chose to leave my home, Brendon, and I still miss my family. I missed them every day. These children have no choice. This is glorified kidnapping, and it isn’t right.” She grounded the end of her quarterstaff with a solid thump to draw his gaze. If Brendon wouldn’t be talked down, she had one other option. 

happy (Hurricane) 

Once she’d changed, she hovered by the ship, watching the crew at work. A number of bedrolls had been laid out around a pile of firewood, from the Firebird’s supplies, and Emmy and Marisa were working to get a fire going. It took Tempest just a few strides to join them; she knelt beside them, helping to arrange the wood. 

“No luck?” said Marisa. 

Emmy glanced over at [redacted]. “He doesn’t look happy.” 

“It’s probably the knife in his wrist. I’m leaving him to stew,” said Tempest. 

hate (Hurricane) 

Aella had been left alone without a guard—the one perk of being small and generally nonthreatening. It had taken them long enough; she’d been watched for two days, but apparently they’d gotten bored of expecting her to do something. Their loss. 

She ran her hands over the bars of the cell, then the padlock. A smile spread across her face. When Marisa had taught her to pick locks when she was nine, she’d made her pick every single lock in this brig, approximately a hundred times. At the time, she’d hated it. Picking a lock was slow and tedious, and though it was satisfying to watch it spring open, to do it so many times on the same locks had been horrifically boring. Now she knew them inside out. She’d never thought that would come in handy. 

Marisa had acquired lock picks for her about two weeks after Aella had gotten herself locked in that supply closet. Did Marisa know that she still hated enclosed spaces? She had no idea, but whatever the case, Marisa had been determined that if she taught Aella nothing else, it would be that. 

hurry (Hurricane) (Charly the parrot my beloved) 

“I’m… well, in the short term, I’m here to help get the Hurricane back. But it’s kind of complicated.” He was saved from figuring out how to explain the story of the Plenty Cedar by the sudden arrival of a blue-and-yellow blur. Addie yelped and fell over backwards, in an attempt to duck what Theo realised was a swooping bird. He turned to ask if she was alright. 

The bird, a parrot, fluttered down to perch on Addie’s stomach. She laughed and patted the leather corset she wore, on which the parrot sat. “I’m fine.” 

“Charly!” Aella said, hurrying over. “Sorry, Addie. We were trying to teach Charly some new tricks, but it didn’t quite work.” 

help (Dragonsong) 

Robin emerged from the back room, his dark hair damp, and waved to Isi. “How’s your shoulder?” 

“Fine,” said Isi. A question struck her. “Can magic heal?” 

Holly tied off Isi’s bandage with a sharp jerk. 

“No.” Robin grimaced. “It can supplement things—my meds, for example. I made them a bit more potent so that they actually, you know, help.” 

Isi nodded and put her arm back in her sleeve. 

I shall tag @houndmouthed @the-orangeauthor @lowslore and anyone else who wants to play! your words are tune, tear, tire, tower 

[kincringeemporium]

"How Do I Stop Being Kin!?”: A Helpful Guide (Long Post)

so... yup. tumblr ate some of my archive, including one of my most important posts: a list of steps on how to distance yourself from the kin community. as there’s no way (that i know of) to get that post back... here’s this! 

how to use the guide: all complaints/problems that kin frequently send when they don’t want to be kin anymore? those are in large bold. each complaint has a list of steps on how to solve it; the steps (my responses) are just in the normal font. don’t see what you need? send an ask saying you want to see it in a part 2! 

“I don’t want to be kin with (x) anymore!” 

okay! this one centers mostly around keeping lists. and as i said to the most recent anon, the first step toward stopping is wanting to stop. 

1. get two separate sheets of paper (or start digital documents you can print later). on one, write “(Your Name) List”. on the other, write “(Kintype Name) List.” 

2. fill the YN List first. write down every one of your own traits that you can name. they can relate to appearance, gender, hobbies/interests, mental health, neurodiversity, hopes and aspirations, etc. these do not all have to be good things. try to have a 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 balance of good, bad, and neutral traits. (an example of a bad trait/habit is “nail biting”, because that’s harmful. not “brown hair”. if you don’t like your hair color put “brown hair” down as a neutral trait. it’s not bad, you just want a different color.) 

3. fill the KN (kintype name) list next. do not use “i”, “we”, “myself”, in this list becase it’s not about you. 

  • if it’s a fictional character, write down facts relating to the character’s creation. who’s the author/designer/creator? what year was the source released? what type of media is the source -- a fantasy book, a video game, a movie? emphasize that the character is fictional, not real (add ‘in this universe’ if you believe in the multiverse theory) and cannot be reincarnated. 

• if it’s an animal, write down all of its behaviors: does it eat meat? what sounds does it make? is it dangerous or not? now, if you believe in reincarnation, it’s way more plausible that animals can be reincarnated and their next lives can be as humans. emphasize that even if you were the animal in a past life, you are a human now -- it is not healthy to think you literally still are the animal and/or to behave like it. 

•  if it’s a part of nature, like a star or a tree, write down all the facts about it that you know and emphasize that it is not sentient, it doesn’t have a soul, and it cannot make choices or be reincarnated. 

keep the lists with you (as a physical copy/paper). 

4. tell yourself that it’s okay to like the character, animal, or thing, it’s okay to feel that it represents part of who you are. it’s okay to feel comforted by it when you’ve had a shitty day or you’re in a bad mood. feeling these things does not automatically make you kin. write these down on a small piece of paper and keep the paper with you. 

5. even though it is okay to like the character/animal/thing, slowly start avoiding content that includes it. if you are trying to stop being fictionkin, do not watch the source. stay away from fanfic, pictures, etc, that make you have strong emotions about it. 

6. if you ever are feeling guilty about something your kintype did (and this applies mostly to villain kin), you are projecting. whether you’re feeling guilty about your own mistakes without realizing, or you want the chance to fix something/apologize, you are projecting. if you are acting out what you really, really want the villain to do -- ie, you relate to them strongly but they’re not repentant and you want them to be... rp. start a roleplay blog, write a redemption au. look back at your lists again. 

• if it’s not a villain, but you’re feeling guilty about something bad your kintype did, still do a bit of rp and keep looking back at those lists! 

7. whenever you have “kinfeels” or “kin memories”, look at your YN and KN lists. read them to remind yourself that you are not the same person as the character, not the same being as the animal, and not something inanimate. 

8. try new things and (now i’m not saying this to be a bitch) go outside. i mean it. vitamin d is good for you. you don’t have to exercise, but if you are able to, go for it. visit the library, the park, a coffee shop, the mall, anywhere. test out new hobbies, like 

• writing fiction (could be about the character/animal/thing, if this is how you maintain a connection with it while not identifying as it) 

 • traditional drawing  

 • digital drawing 

 • sewing, knitting, or crochet 

• writing movie critiques/analyses 

• jewelry making 

• making non-kin-related selfcare 

• sports 

“I want to get out of the community, but I’m not ready to let go of my kintypes!” 

so you’re not ready? okay. this is still your first step. you will fuck yourself over badly if you push yourself to 100% stop being kin before you can function without it. this is true in situations like abusive households or trauma: if you pretend that you’re someone else who’s never had to deal with those things, you are using escapism to let off stress and unwind. 

1. change your blog theme. i know it sounds dumb and unrelated. however, having a visual change will make you more inclined to change other things -- and it will start to tell other people in the community that you are able to change. 

2. update your about, kin page, and byf. take things like “don’t follow if you don’t see me as (kintype)”, “no doubles”, and kin-related discourse out of those pages. anything that typically appears in kin cringe comps? take it out. (look through my blog for example of typical cringe comp material.) 

• don’t say “literally me”, “100% me”, “ID” about the kintypes you list. 

• instead of having separate sections for “primary”, “secondary”, “tertiary”, things like that... just say “kintypes” once and list them/insert their pictures. 

• do NOT link to others’ blogs saying “this person is my (canonmate name)!” or “i found my (important canonmate)! 

• whatever your stance on ace discourse... take that out of your pages. i have no idea why, but the kin community is fucking overrun with people thinking that aces/aros aren’t lgbtq+. removing this discourse from your blog will remove you from another common kin community behavior. (it’s totally okay to post ace/aro positivity, but don’t involve yourself in heavy discourse and don’t put “Aces/aros are/aren’t lgbtq!” on your about/kinpage/byf.) 

3. if you list kin friends or kin blogs on one of your pages, consider taking out the links and just describing the friends/blogs. this will distance your blog from the network of kin on here. 

4. instead of requesting “kintype selfcare/positivity” from those kin resource blogs: 

• reblog aesthetics that remind you of the kintypes, but is not labeled as “(kintype) aesthetic”. 

• make some aesthetics yourself based on the kintypes. if you’re tagging, then just use general tags (ie, “kin”, “otherkin”, or “fictionkin”), not specifically the character’s name or the type of animal you identify with. 

• write positive affirmations for yourself, such as “i got enough sleep so this will be a better day!” or “i didn’t lie in bed all day so i feel motivated!” or “i ate something healthy instead of junk food!” 

• if you’re writing affirmations specifically about a kintype, don’t refer to the kintype using “i” or “we”. instead, write “(character) tries their best to fix wrongdoings, so i will too!” or “(character) makes an effort to overcome anxiety, so i’m going to try harder too!” or “(animal) isn’t inherently bad/gross; it’s trying to survive like me!” 

• basically, when writing positivity/affirmations, pick a trait that the kintype has that you want to have too. don’t just say “i have this trait because i am (kintype)!” 

• sorry not sorry, but the overwhelming majority of the positivity on those blogs is useless. it might make you feel better for a couple minutes, but it’s superficial. even if the person running the blog genuinely wants people to feel better, they are still operating under the obligation to give positivity. 

it is not as genuine as it should be. the person doesn’t know who you are, and they might not know a lot about the kintype. the positivity from those blogs is generic, ie, “even if you’ve done some bad things, you’re not a bad person!” You need specifics, which only you can come up with -- because only you know yourself. when something is vague or general, we think deep down that it’s not true. (btw, that’s the same psychology behind the “sounds fake but okay” meme.)

5. if your mutuals get into kin drama, or if you see kin drama on your dash, stay out of it. it does not matter right now if these people are your best friends in the world, because once the drama dies down, your url is still all over those posts. even if the people who started the drama delete the posts, other people have everything saved. the things you said in anger or anxiety or whatever are still on tumblr. and tumblr has an extremely difficult time recognizing that what someone said three months ago doesn’t define what they say now. 

6. unfollow people who have ‘typical cringe comp material’ on their pages and/or people who frequently are involved in drama. 

• if they have “ask to unfollow” on their pages, unfollow anyway. if they harass you about it, block them (and maybe report for... violating community guidelines. or harassment). DON’T PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGES. EVER. FOLLOWING YOU IS NOT A CHORE. MAKING PEOPLE ASK PERMISSION TO UNFOLLOW YOU CAN CAUSE THEM HUGE AMOUNTS OF ANXIETY. IT’S SHITTY AND ENTITLED. DON’T DO IT. 

7. if you’re going to send hate to antis, i can’t stop you, but for fuck’s sake, do that on anon. (”what!?” you say as you read this post. “but don’t antis think anon hate is cowardly!?”) you just don’t want to be known as someone active enough in the community to send off-anon shit. 

8. if i have or another anti/cringe blog has screenshotted your post/page, ask for it to be removed. no promises that other blogs will remove your stuff, but here on kce and over at @only-on-tomblr, we will. having your content up on popular cringe blogs can definitely get you recognized among the community, and you don’t want that. 

“I don’t want to rely so hard on being kin -- I want kin to be a casual thing!” 

1. first off, follow the “i want to get out of the community” list. you don’t have to stop identifying as kin, you just need to distance yourself from that network of over the top, hardcore kin people. 

2. recognize that kin is your coping mechanism. it is okay to use escapism (that’s what kin is tbh) to cope. it is okay to step away from reality, unwind, then go back to reality after a few hours of doing kin stuff/rp. 

3. recognize that any coping mechanism is going to be harmful when you take it too far. when it goes too far, it becomes an obsession. (because i am sure someone’s going to say this, i’m not dragging special interests. those are not the same as coping mechanisms gone wrong and this post does not relate to special interests.) 

4. guess what? you don’t need just one coping mechanism. and because you’re not completely dropping the kintypes, you need to focus your kin-related energy into a creative outlet. what i mean by that is... write about them. draw pictures of them. do commissions, even for people who have the same kintype. not to mention, if you write about/draw them a lot, you are getting so much better at those skills. 

5. optional: it would also help to make lists of your traits and the kintypes’ traits, like in the first section of this post. 

6. as with the other sections, do not refer to the kintypes as “myself”/”i”. 

that’s about it 

Other things you can do 

• write a brief analysis of an episode, movie, chapter, etc in which the character/kintype appears. what does the person/being do and why? how do their actions result in the episode/chapter/game/movie ending? how do other characters react to it? and how is this different from what you would do, right now, if you were in the same situation? (obviously no one has to see it, so doesn’t matter if it sucks) 

• interact with people who have the same kintype so you can become more comfortable with “doubles” and thus be less intense about being kin 

• when you’re watching/reading/playing/listening to new media (’source’), and you begin to have “kinfeels” for someone, step back. put the book down. pause the show or podcast. remind yourself that this is fiction. even if the multiverse does exist, your kintype cannot cross between universes and ‘be’ you. you are most likely projecting onto the character or you are inspired to create a similar character/oc. 

• aaand.... here it comes... oh god. oh no. limit your time on tumblr. do not spend all day on this forsaken hellsite.  

Things to absolutely NOT do 

• post anything like “why did the author put me/kintype in a relationship with a girl!? i’m gay!” all that does is imply that you think you have some kind of ownership over someone else’s character. it makes you look like you want everything to go your way -- and not everything can. i am not saying that to be a jerk. 

• ask people to unfollow you. as i said before (now, i don’t have anxiety so this isn’t from firsthand experience), do you have any idea how much anxiety that causes people? and how shitty a thing it is to do? 

• harass someone over being a double 

• tell them to unfollow/stop interacting because they are a double 

• compare being kin to being trans or nonbinary. for fuck’s sake. there’s no such thing as a “kingender”.

                     - even if your kintype was female in ‘your source’, but wasn’t                                  female in canon... that does not mean you are trans and it does                            not mean the kintype is trans.    

                    - even if you are trans yourself, it has absolutely nothing to do with                        you identifying as kin. they are not related. you are a trans person                        who also happens to be kin.    

                   - things like “canidgender: a gender that feels tough and ready to                           defend, a gender that makes you feel alert, a gender that....” are not                     real. gender is not an emotion. besides, these descriptions have                            nothing to do with gender. 

  • say that you have dysphoria about your kintype. again, if you have dysphoria, it’s because you are transgender/nonbinary. you do not have “species dysphoria” about your astral ears. just because it’s listed on google with a definition does not mean it’s legit. 

• use ‘kin pronouns’ like glitch/glitchs/glitchself. ne/nes/neself. star/stars/starself. it/its. the very concept of kin pronouns suggests that gender is automatically tied to kin. it’s not. and you are not an object. 

• send people hate or get into discourse about headcanons involving your kintype 

• tag art as “me” or “kin” or “id”. even if the artist says it’s okay, avoiding this is another way to distance yourself from a harmful community. if you need/want to keep a tagging system, just tag it with the character’s name or the type of animal. 

• tell someone that they are “your (important canonmate). 

• especially do not tell someone that your characters dated and that you must begin a romantic relationship because of that! 

• insist that someone just has to remember something that you remember! here’s an appropriate exchange on this. 

              you: “do you remember when our kintypes had that huge fight, then                     made up and dated for a few months? we drifted apart and stopped                    dating.” 

              them: “no... i recall something different.” 

               you: “oh. well, that’s okay!” 

comments i just know i’m going to get (they’re useless. don’t post them and don’t send them to me) 

• you’re policing our identities! 

•you can’t dictate how we cope! 

• you can’t take away our fun! 

• how would you know how this stuff works? you’re not kin! 

• ableist! 

• go do something productive! 

• i don’t care. i’m doing these things anyway! 

-k 

[ubelyptus]

soooooooooooo bb,,,...,.,,,strawberrry.

......I JUST FIND IT

  interestinggggggggg

how you Big mad cuz MY block game seeems 

skrong or summn

hanh???

oh.

well.

i never blockedt you 

on snapchat 

or whatsapp (you weren’t even muted),

yup, i still haven’t

but i didn’t have a properly working phone...

still......don’t

but either way you keep threatening to split on me 

like a weapon…fcking

manipulative as shit

it just seems to me that you just want to?

you never imprinted tho 

but she did 

so why should you?

i won’t ever, again, fight....

….with you.

my favorite accomplice

i wanted to learn with an open mind 

even after my phone died 

how to remain soft with you.  

even after being callled 

“old news" 

pffft

at least until

 i ‘m  eventually murdered by a cisgender man...

but

don’t fckn

pppppppop shit 

cuz like….. literally…..all i did was change my url.

shit, i Only blockedt you AFTER i saw you referencing gaslighting.

bc uhmm IIIIIIif that is about meeeeeeeeeeee 

ha!!!

 how fucking dare you.…..lyk....wuhh?

like when you said there is no difference between syn and alesia?????

HANH?

oh, but you think i blockedt you first bc i didn’t wanna get my feelings hurt?

….mhhhhhhh. ok.

seeems odd since you’re not liar 

right, eli????

but,,,,,so what’s this about the cozi password change? am i just shifting too rapidly between your and my reality???

bet.

no, i blocked you on things after THAT 

AND THAT WAS TODAY

oh, and didn’t your friend, my so-called “fighting buddy,” anan…

.just,,,,,fckn block me like i’m useless

trash

randomnly 

after all

i asked 

was that they 

not speak to me 

about you?

but YAAAAAAS  twas ONLY Me and simply Myself and just i 

who ain’t wanna get….hurt.

hanh?????

oh ,

obvi,

yeaaaaaaa

yeeeei

truuuu,

sooooo 

sssssorry,,,,but

calling me “old news” or saying i’m “old too” 

don’t forget your girl is 2 yrs older than you 

and then staying silent for these few days about changing passwords

that..... already did that, boo

at least i sent alesia third party emails thru the app, boo

she pushin 30 and can only talk you 

venuse....????. no....a 

talking and 

w a l k i ng tragedy

entyway don’t bring that up just to be loud and wrong about that too

you’re not always wrong tho, you know

you’d probably fuck up and slit my throat 

 powertripping

when i’m wrong about you

and you can only do that if you

 black and white 

me out 

to NEVER BE WRONG 

AND I DO 

ACTUALLLY HATE THAT ABOUT YOU!!!!! 

WHY CAN’T I EVER BE WRONG, ELI???? 

WHY????//

OH your emotions....? about your father that after 6 yrs you didn’t tell me about?

your reality? when you have a habit of projecting?

 and lowkey being dishonest 

to yourself first

 and then subsequently

 to me????

your time? when i’m mostly on yours?????

your efforts? like ripping up notes and telling me 

“my turn” to get fucked 

by you 

was over

when the only reason i was tiredt

was bc i crashed

too tiredt after explaining to You

that

  i‘m not even going to LET you play middleman

for a baby pushign 30????

oh. bet.

but since we’re being transparent:

here are receipts with timestamps:

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-hop-hop

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop+hop+bun

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-bunny

yea you must love dirty laundry

oh.

but that’s what i knew about you.

oh:

be yr own guest my love

i Knew you would ignore the “old news” message since that's literally when you started telling on yourself 

you do treat trans partners

 like side hoes, 

thasssa wholeBET 

and some change

 for you to create

cuz thassssssss 

how you feel about me fr fr

so that “like” is mine but

  i…..actually really Really love that you laughed tho.

bc i haven’t heard you fully belly laugh in a long time.

if ever iirh.

even after knowing you for 6+ years, 

your supposed “first friend “ in the DMV

the person i can trust my life with

the only

you’re my only...

 ,,,,,even after i spiraled 

and cut myself for the first time since middle school?

now my friends are fucking spotting you 

and talking to each other 

about you

oh, you didn’t know. 

but i got mehndi done today 

let a summer baby boy

love 

a cut up 

by me

body

 before noon

today 

thinking i’d see you and we could talk like,,,,

…..like real people do.

and you’d be distracted by the design and not zone in

 on the failed cuts

 on my wrist 

since i’m shit at not just repeatedly carving into 

white meat

 when i can only use a ceramic blade

i just didn’t WANT you to 

so i never “came home to [you]”

you said that on nov 4th/5th of last year

and

i’ve been looking up bpd all day

eventho i told you

  i don’t trust the internet 

sooooo you not telling me 

didn’t hel p

but it’snot at all your job to 

and i sitll

stilllstil stil stilllca’t see

....and i dind’t want you to see.

bc i’m not just a man.

i’m still femme

which you seem to love to forget

and still soft enough, i think.....

i hope…..or learning to be soft,,,,

where it won’t get me killed,,,,,

but where it still counts.

with…or without you.

either way i’m a man who loves you. a man whose phone died at 28% trying to get you to see that i was trying to be soft even after you called me

 “old news”

but,,,,,.....,,,compared to …..who?????? sh....oooo??????

your new girlfriend who is 1 or 2 years older than you?????

and can’t speak to me 

a man who is only barely out of 23???

and instead only whispers

 to you?????

bruh, she’s clearly not fond of me. 

and you’re not a liar , 

so don’t 

she had to tell you that she wasn’t the one putting out “aggy energy”

specifically

during yennayer which

i ruined

and im still sorru

but which means

she’s probably done it in your apartment on purpose already, boo

didn’t think of that, did you

lingustically.,,,,,nope.

oh, but there’s power in a whisper, darling.

i am just cardinal like you

i am air too.

  i should know 

bc i accidentally whistled....and,,,,,,

i only blockedt you so that you wouldn’t “hurt [your] own feelings”

 like you told anan you sometimes do.

sooooooooooooo yea... i

did it so you wouldn’t hurt you. 

as cardinal water/pisces moons 

are prone to do.

you can;t drain

and you can’t drown

 ain’t that how i affirmed you

i already hurt me 

when i dissociated 

and i’m STILL FUCKING sorry 

that there was blood that you had to see. 

i couldn’t stay in my body long enough to clean fast enough

but i still didn’t want you to hurt you bc of me.

like you did repeatedly

bc of bpd or bc of basically cishet or at least cis ~queer girls

or other partners 

like when you were with kat,

who’s still disgustingly attached to a messy white

and now a new black kid.....

or with shushoo.

and how you might with alesia.

no, correction: how you have with alesia. 

how you will continue to, if you’re not careful, with alesia.

you’re a lion facing a prince of a house kitten ,....,

.,, who is homeless.

do you feel good, big boss?

all i asked was for you to listen t

o how you were speaking to me 

on the phone 

at your place of work 

and when she’s there

possibly a place of worshiop

..... even after i told you 

that i was intentionally putting energy into Not fighting you

and you

  say you

"don’t wanna be a middle person" 

but you also….wanna cape for yet another fucking cis girl.

who isn’t even muslim this time. 

HOWtragic.

i couldn’t laugh

couldn’t ever laugh at sway

bc by whatever fortune if you do split or don’t 

 i still  love you

i love you too much

but in those moments after that phone call….

after my phone died…

and my body couldn’t move to charge it.

wouldn’t move….

and all i could do was cry during the adhan.

bc you’re tooo much like matt now

i wish i knew what it could feel like to

 hate someone 

who called you 

"OLD NEWS” 

compared to a bitch pushing 30 

youza WHOLE fuckn clown, dawg.

matt did this same shit

move me out for a new side bitch

yet anotehr cis

look at how cute trans love can be

oh

no

NO

no,

no

no

this is what you give me:

laughter.

BC what fucking luck.

BUT IT’S gotta be TROOF

  s ince you don’t lie?/?

shit I LAUGHED TOO:

it sounds like….

NEITHER OF US

KNEW WHAT COULD

HAVE BROUGHT US

HERE, ELI.

maybe you nursing poison in your own home

and telling me i’m making you feel unwelcomed

on a blog and not to my face did it

fuckingggggggggg. why’ald.

you think it’s too much sweat????? false. 

that apartment stayed cold.

too many tears?

 ok ok yea troof.

but too much love? forreal?

we?????

ooooop

hoooop!!!

oh, you speakin’ french now. our collective colonizers tongue in 20gayteeeeeeeen?????

CAN’T RELATE 

bc I’M TOOOOOO GAY

wow. we ruined it, fam???? fr fr?

nah, chosen fam.

you ruined us.

you ruined us over:

 a cis girl and

your own impatience

and your own anger.

and my slow brain and my slow body

//

i’m not sure she’d find you from maryland

if you dissociated bc your other semi

 but not 

girlfriend emotionally abused you

until people who didn’t know you were muslim

thought you were fucking drunk

and you fucking stilllllll 

work with her?????

why couldn’t you just wait until she found a new job???

ain’t she trying????

or izzzzzz she??????

hahhnh???

where was the damn rush?????

you’re like two goofy high schoool kids 

reaching for the quickest nuts every 6 hours

 like jesus fuck.

you’re irresponsible as shit telling me i’m a grown man making grown decisions and i see this 

?????

unREASONABLE, ELI.

this isn’t a situation of a kettle calling a pot black

 babe

bc i’m actually Black

and you’re not

but she’s black too.

what did i tell you:

"you datin’ two whole Niggas. if you fight me over her, you will lose either way.”

but instead you called me “obtuse”

SAT words for me

 but not for you…….what.,,,.,,,,,,,, fckn luck……..

what luck,,,,,that the one person who housed me consistently

and kept me alive

when i trusted no one

would call me "old news”

and let their cis girlfriend

 turn herself into your

personal "healing” …...

sibkid. \\\\

howTragic like all of CC’18

you know what happens when you slip and get sloppy and let a baby bitch be responsible for your healing?

she leaves. 

for a real bitch 

with microhealing abilities, 

GOOFY.

she worships a new goddess every friday?????

well, i know only of orixas 

and only of black power

 but from what i know of goddesses OFF of OUR continent…

soooon...

at least one of them WILL want a soul from her

just letting you know it might not have to be hers.

…..OH!

and when i chargedt and openedt my phone after days of wandering. ….the last messages from you are:

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID “LEAVE [[[[MMMMMYYYYYYY]]]]]] KEYS”

like a fucking baby.

imagine that.

even to you, i’m still a whore.

out…the…bakc….dooor.

??????

i couldn’t even work a john when i wanted to

 if i was sad about you.

but imagine?????

  a cis-pixie woman older than you

letting you treat her like a child?????

then

imagine me feeling shamed into leaving

bc of pictures of your smiling face

after i cut myself and felt shame 

that

in your unwelcomed  to both me and you

BLOOD

 blood 

is what brings me back

 to life.

how.

fucking.

why’yald.

i blockedt you so that you didn’t lurk.

bc THat is what you do.

instead of speaking with me, 

you seem to have expected me

 to read your blog back 7 years.

and just know all of the fatherly things that trigger you.

like…even during the times when i was afraid of my own phone and laptop for 2 months bc of my sister, brother, and birth parents????

funny how i’m the youngest of us “grown folks” and yet still find that really 

FUCKING

immature.

of YOU

to do

you really never knew me, or did you…..??

you donated to me before you even knew me.

so i know your heart has parts made of gold.

but now you show off your crystals and your gold.~~~

yep.

here we are.

you’ve "only every seen [me] as a boy.”

ok. bet.

and unti this post:

i’ve hardly heard you refer to me as a man.

so:

ain’t you late?

ain’t you late, babe??

ain’t you late?

i’m a year younger than you.

which means if you grown

i musta BEEN a man too, boo.

but you’ll always be

 my favorite accomplice

 and always be my favorite friend too.

but you cannot think you can play me by calling me

 “old too” or “old news"

 for young fish who is basically femme trade

and thinking i won’t cut open a fool.

which coincidentally always happens to be me

she’s hardly out to anybody important and lying at work too.

i must be bigger fool.

bc you knew better and didn’t do better.

but i’m being immature.

  ok ...,.,,.,,

cute.

your pisces moon is keeping you from seeing clearly but that’s what young water seems…to do. to much light reflected; tho it is a fountain of youth.

she’s pushing 30 baby 

but true, you’re her boo.

yea, a childish boo.

you ever wonder why her playlist from you had more songs than ours did?

why she can never keep a man around for valentines day?

oh but don’t you love “patterns”, baby????

unless it’s her leaving shit around the apartment

or her triggering you

or her treating your dick like it’s foreign, 

even to you.

my gay ass was shookedt 

when you told me you voluntarily 

triggered yourself

 for her kitty too

but i AM 

a grown man

 who is “running” from….you

you think that statement is not…. dishonest??

you really think that statement is true???

—

i didn’t run. i just

needed space

and you afforded me none.

you couldn’’t afford it.

february is before march which is before april 

sooooooo it’s always a tight month ain’t it???????

oooooooh but you afforded her plenty.

she gets to take off her fucking pants while i try to figure out if i should move from a spot next to you….

on your fucking bed.

she took off her pants to climb near you before she could even say hi to 

nooonoo

ahh right

and THEN ME.

“Oh, you CAN stay”

that’s what She told me.

and you said nothing.

so i left….the room.

i never run.

you pushed me out with your captain save-a-cis silence.

it’s violence.

and

you’re still pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing 

until me…you know 

i, the "old news” 

just feels like he should just 

fucking fall 

onto the district streets

and she finds it

to her fucking fancy 

to fall

 into your lap

like a damn,,,,zel. 

distressedt.

with a roof over her head outside of your apartment too.

woooooooops!

yip, as she is probably prone to do.

her kind….isn’t new….boo.

her kind isn’t new to me

her kind isn’t new to you

you ever wonder why she feels so familiar to you?

she reminds Me of the girl who told you 

she could never marry you 

and is now trying to date someone just like you

so don’t be so unkind to me 

or to you 

or be so foolish

 as to believe i gave up on you

you gave up on me

and on top of that

you think i just...ran

ran….with what clothing?

the ones you packed up for me and left at the door 

that i was suppose to pick up 

and slide out the back….like a fucking whore?

you just tryna be

a cissie's bae

who stay clownin on trans folks now?

oooooooh issa bet, mo

. i mean.,,,.,,.mhhhh i guess?

—==—

but troooof, i don’t “need" anybody.

but i want you.

but you need her.

that’s how it work, don’t it?????

that’s why you risk job security every day.

and let her leave her panties on my clothes.

and let her tell me i "can stay" in …..A, not MY, spot next to you

in yo'bed?

what fucking fools. the two of you.

but “no one is forcing [me] to"

oh, baby you /are/ forcing me too

i look on your blog and then find out you’ve been feeling “unwelcome in [your] own home”

this whole fucking time

all the way since early november, innit?????

if i love you at all, 

what else am i to do?????????????

??????????????????????????/

know that you will self-destruct 

and just…wait for you to????????????????????

???????????????????????????????/

no

i didn’t run.

you just fucking pushed me.

and you’re still fucking pushing.

and you’ll keep pushing.

bc that is what you do.

embe…..@strawberreli 

se sá’m te konne nu’ou.

you like microblogging so much

so like it if you read this shit

[mywolfking]

Name: Irene (not with the english pronunciation, but with the italian/spanish one).

Nicknames: It depends. Ire, Irenuccia, Ira (that means also “anger”- my mother thinks she is funny), Gatta (that is “cat”, because my aunties call us kids as animals).  


Gender: Female.


Star sign: Cancer.


Height: Man, if I have to use that strange unit I can’t even understand, I guess we’ll never know.


Sexuality: I’d say het but the truth is that I am more and more curious and confused as days go on, so I can’t tell. Btw, I’ve never liked putting labels on me -or people in general- and I’d rather keep it this way, waiting to see what happens in my future.


Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw. 


Favourite animal: It always changes. Maybe, right now, the octopus -because of reasons. 


Average hours of sleep: Ehm, 7/8.


Dog or cat person: Cat.


blankets you sleep with: They are not mine and are kind of strange, too (?)


Dream trip: Istanbul.


Dream job: Nice try. 


When I made my blog: I don’t know, actually. Some years ago, but I didn’t use it a lot at the beginning. 


Followers: 177 -that are, considering how useless my blog is, way too many.


Why I made a tumblr : It was because of an online test, if I remember right. I needed the account because-- who knows why. 


Reasons for my url: Robb Fucking Stark.  Tagged by both @waytoomuchhh and @ms-mormont  ❤ I tag @king-in-the-baltic-north, @roombagreyjoy, @robbmadden, @shaggy-goblin and @youbuggingme. As always, everyone can steal it and sorry for the notifications, but I’m bored. ❤

[dykephannie]

REALITY OTP CH. 1

MASTER LIST. PLAYLIST. NEXT CHAPTER. PREVIOUS CHAPTER.

click here for my twitter to receive sneak peeks into next week’s chapter and special behind the scenes info!

summary: Avid fangirl Gracie Green expected that the most extraordinary thing to happen to her at Summer in the City was meeting her long time obsessions Dan Howell and Phil Lester. This proves to be untrue when a fatal virus sweeps through the convention, killing everyone except for Gracie and the very two people she was there for. The odd threesome must travel across Europe to escape an evil tyrant who has claimed the crown for herself, and face not only the dangers of this new, post-apocalyptic world, but the feelings and secrets uncovered by the life threatening journey.

Because after all, it’s the harshest conditions that reveal the deepest truths about us, truths we’re not even willing to admit to ourselves.

important note: This is a PHANfiction, as in a fanfic in which Dan and Phil will enter some sort of relationship other than friendship by the end of the story. Please do not be turned off by the presence of the original character, she is merely a platonic companion of Dan and Phil. Perspectives will switch between the three per chapter. Thank you, and enjoy.

chapter word count: 2.2k

tw: mention of fatal illness

GRACIE

The end of the world generally starts off normal for most people.

They get up, out of bed, get changed, brush their teeth. Go to school or work or get back into bed and they go about their business until the fireballs start raining and their school or their work or their house ends up a heap of ashes for some Katniss Everdeen type to stumble across twenty years after the End only to discover their rotting bones and the useless keepsakes that were the only part of them to survive.

That’s not how it went for me.

Today, August 11th, 2020, had been a day long awaited for almost a year, from the moment I sat at my computer screen after hours upon hours of waiting, eyes burning from the bright light in my dim room, finger hovering over the mouse, refreshing constantly, until the moment of satisfaction finally came. Two tickets to Summer in the City, confirmed for Gracelyn Green. Today, well, it was anything but normal.

I had called Eliza immediately, my squeals echoing around my small room, hers doing the same, if not a bit more subdued than mine. That night I started at my desk, pencil scratching against the paper, etching the outline of the familiar curls and cheekbones, suddenly inspired by the prospect of seeing that face, desperate to make a worthy gift. I remembered I had stopped at the eyes. It was the first time I had realized that those eyes didn’t quite look right. From then on in every drawing I did of him, I was never quite satisfied with the eyes.

That very same first drawing was hanging above my head, those eyes filled in with constellations. I had been staring at it all night, unable to sleep, a cocktail nerves and excitement brewing in my stomach. It was strange how one could plan a moment for six years yet still be caught so off guard when the moment drew near. I picked up my phone, just as the 5:59 shifted to 6:00. It was go time.

The blue morning light was streaming through the gaps in my blinds as I pushed aside my duvet and strode across the room to the outfit meticulously selected and draped across my couch days earlier. I called Eliza, sticking my phone under my cheek as I pulled up my ripped jeans.

“Hello?” my best friend grumbled, voice heavy with sleep.

“You're not awake yet?” I chirped, running a brush through my blonde waves.

“It’s six am, Gracie, no rational person is awake right now.”

“Come on bitch, since when are you rational?”

I heard Eliza sigh on the other end as I shifted my phone back into my hand and wandered down the hall and into the bathroom. My house was quiet save for the squeak of the floorboards under my toes and the click of the bathroom door closing. And the house stayed quiet as I spoke to Eliza behind the door, struggling to get my eyeliner just right and the morning tangles from my hair.

At around 10, Eliza pulled up in her Range Rover, honking loudly.

“Do you have your workout clothes?” my mom called as I pulled the door open extravagantly.

“Yes mom!”

“Because you have an hour of karate and then two of jiu-jitsu on the last day of your convention!”

“I know mom!”

“Have fun, be safe!”

“I will!” I shouted, closing the door behind me and shouldering my heavy backpack, full of two nights worth of clothes. Our parents had decided that 17 was mature enough to stay in a hotel alone, which meant we wouldn’t have to drive back and forth every day of the convention.

“You look cute,” Eliza said drily as I buckled in.

I glanced down at my blossom sweater. “You like it?”

“Definitely a statement.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” I leaned over and knocked the bill of her ProSyndicate snapback resting on top of her coily black hair. “You’re just as much of a total nerd as I am. More, in fact.”

“Yeah yeah, at least I don’t draw creepy fanart.”

“At least I don’t have a Call of Duty gaming channel.”

Eliza stuck her tongue out at me, dark eyes flashing in the sunlight. “How am I supposed to handle staying with you for three days straight?”

“We’ve been friends with me for eight years, I think you can manage.” I frowned. “Plus, my fanart isn’t creepy.”

Keeping an eye on the road, she reached over and pulled out the drawing of a couple lying together on a couch, long limbs intertwined, eyes closed, content and happy. “That’s creepy, Gracie.”

“It’s not,” I insisted. “It’s art.”

Eliza knew it was useless arguing with me. She leaned forward and connected her phone to Bluetooth, playing some old Lana Del Rey song.

“Is this necessary, Lize? Shouldn’t we be getting pumped up and excited, instead of listening to, like, the most depressing artist ever?”

“Well what do you want to play?”

I grinned manically, grabbing the aux cord before she could object and clicking on the playlist at the top of my Spotify.

“You’ve got to be joking,” she groaned.

“What? You like Muse!”

“Yeah, not in this context.”

It took us about an hour to drive to the ExCel Convention Center, and by the time we found parking, we had an two hours to get to the meet and greet line. The line ate up about an hour of that time, but after showing our tickets at the door and ceremoniously draping my lanyard around my neck, Eliza and I were in.

And holy shit was it glorious.

Crowds of people milled about the bottom floor. Some were dressed in dull colors despite the bright hues in their hair and the glittering piercings in their ears and noses. Others wore flowing, flowered dresses and high heeled tennis shoes, accompanied by ambitious cat eyes and smoky eye shadow. There were people in band shirts and onesies, flower crowns and combat boots. Within seconds I spotted a group of squealing kids a few years younger than me, dark black whiskers on their cheeks and familiar faces on their shirts. I was too excited to cringe, too electrified by the sea of people just like me.

And the convention center itself was magnificent. Balconies and floors stuffed with merch booths and advertisements for the newest YouTube Red shows, accosting us with either Jake or Logan Paul’s ads as soon as a corner was turned. I would’ve lived here if I could’ve, even if it meant sleeping uncomfortably close to one of the Pauls’ giant robot faces.

“Where do you want to start?” Eliza asked.

I laughed out loud. She already knew the answer. I made a beeline straight to the merch booth of my choice, bringing Eliza with me.

“Can’t we visit MatPat’s store first? They have a new Game Theorists shirt design and I want to support them but they’re limited edition…”

“Nope, not happening.” We were already in line, and a familiar face was already coming into view.

“You’re a bitch,” she grumbled, drumming her fingers against the table at the booth.

I shoved her shoulder. “Shut up, he’s coming!”

A tall man with light brown hair approached, smiling when he noticed my excited gaze. “Hey Martyn!” I told him. Practice for the real thing, practice for the real thing. “Could I get one of the new posters and a whisker hoodie in a small?”

“Sure thing.” He reached underneath the table, handing me the hoodie and the rolled up poster. I handed him my money.

“A selfie too?”

Martyn smiled and leaned across the counter, pressing my change into my hand as I snapped the photo, sending it immediately to my Snapchat story.

“Thanks dude!” I told him, collecting my merch and striding away from the merch booth, trying to mask the shaking in my hands.

“Did you just call Martyn Lester dude?” Eliza hissed as we walked away. “What are you, American?”

“Please stop reminding me of that, I’m like ten seconds away from dying of embarrassment.”

We browsed the gaming tent next, on Eliza’s not-so-polite request, only for me to watch her pick up everything within sight and promptly put it down after glancing at the price tag. I had a Princess Peach sweatshirt slung over my shoulder by the time she eventually settled on a DS pack with the new Animal Crossing.

“Mario? Really?”

“We’ve played together since the Wii game came out!” I said defensively. “It’s basically our childhood!”

“We never did beat that last world.”

“We should get on that.” I glanced at my phone. It was almost time. “C’mon Lize, we’ve got to get upstairs!” I told her, grabbing her by the wrist again and tugging her towards the nearest staircase before she could even put her change in her wallet.

We ran to the end of the end of the meet and greet line, almost colliding with a smaller girl with a flower crown clutching a colorful book in her hand nervously.

“So sorry,” I stuttered, putting my hand on her shoulder to steady myself.

“Oh wow!” she exclaimed. “You’re sunshineboyes!”

My face heated up. I had been spotted a couple times at VidCon last year, getting identified by the URL of my tumblr blog, which boasted nearly 30 thousand followers due to my fanart. Getting recognized always caught me off guard. I was just a girl that liked drawing YouTubers, not one of the YouTubers themselves.  

“Oh, uh, hey there!” I said. Eliza raised her eyebrows, turning to her phone. “It's nice to meet you!”

“I love your art so much,” she gushed. “Is that some of it in there?”

She pointed at the folder in my hand, I opened it up, flipping to my favorite drawing. The lion filling up half the frame glared back at me, across from the large blue eye and pale face and dark hair on the other side. “Uh, yeah. These are the ones I’m giving to them.”

“Wow!” she squealed. “They're even more incredible in real life!”

“Thanks, you're sweet.” I figured that was closest to the ahhhhh ty! ilysm!! sentiment I could get to in real life.  

“Can I get a selfie?” She already had her camera open.

I leaned my head against hers, smiling widely as she snapped the photo. She opened up tumblr as soon as she brought her phone down.  

“Tag me in that, I’ll follow you!” I told her. Her face positively lit up.

“Oh wow, wait until I tell my group chat that Gracie’s following me!”

I blushed again, turning back to Eliza, who was still glancing down at her phone, amused.

“What?” I hissed.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just funny, that’s all.”

We chatted amongst ourselves for another hour, waiting as the line slowly grew larger behind us, and my hopes slowly grew higher. My heart was nearly hammering in my chest, and I had to concentrate on taking deep breaths or risk hyperventilation. I couldn’t gauge how excited Eliza was in comparison to me. Eliza claimed to only causally enjoy the pair I positively obsessed over. But I didn’t think it mattered. Meeting someone famous on any level had to be exciting.

Even more exciting, I realized as the line started to move, if they had taken up nearly six years of your life.

After another couple hours I could see the corner of a plastic tarp littered with SitC and sponsor decals, two tall, unmistakable shadows cast over it. My heart was lodged in my throat, no matter how hard I tried to swallow it down, and the warm bursts of excitement throughout my chest had turned to cold fear pumping through my veins, a cold fear that no amount of positive meetup descriptions could ease. Because what if mine went wrong? What if I accidentally blurted something out that I definitely didn’t mean to blurt out? What if instead of my totally fine fanart, I packed that one NSFW thing I did and then almost immediately deleted in fear that my mom would do a random computer check? What if I hugged them wrong? Or tripped over one of them and broke my face? Or broke their faces?! I would never be forgiven. I would go down in history as the girl who gave NSFW art to and broke the money makers of --

“Gracie!”

I blinked out of my spiral of panic. Eliza had her hand on my shoulder. “We’re next.”

The girl in front of me had just disappeared behind the tarp, and my heart had just risen even further than I would’ve thought humanly possible. I was so close. Literally a couple minutes and ten steps away from a dream that had been six years in the making…

When a loud crackling noise sounded through the convention center from the speakers in the ceiling.

“Attention Summer in the City guests and staff. Please remain calm. We have just been notified of a fast traveling, fatal virus spreading through London. We are putting the ExCel Center under quarantine. Attention Summer in the City…”

It took just a second to process before the ground under my feet began to spin. Eliza was clutching my arm tightly, nearly cutting off the blood flow with her sharp nails. The shadows were disappearing behind a closed door. Screams were echoing through the center, drowning out the calm drone of the PA system.

But honestly I barely registered the fact that my death might be creeping up on me with every breath I inhaled.

I was just pissed that I wouldn’t get to meet Dan and Phil.  

[kyungpom]

Hey , we have never talked before. But some people on the kaisoo side are always talking shit about you and really making deep, horrible accusations against you. I feel terrible as a kaisoo shipper and I want to say sorry and I apologize that you are being treated this way. Im glad you never deleted and I really appreciate you very much. I respect you.

sorry for the late reply. i got this ask before all the shitstorm from the other day (i think) and it made me emo lol. i appreciate it so much that you cared enough to send this even if we don’t know each other ♥

sighhh they always seem to be up to trouble over there, and i felt like it was a matter of time until they got to me. tbh i knew somebody would try to use fic against me someday since that’s something that’s got fandom’s opinion very divided and i’ve never shied away from any kind of fic, but i never expected anyone to try to paint me as a p*dophile. that’s a strong word that never fails to make people turn their heads and take up arms against others and the antis know it well. it’s even been used against kyungsoo before. it’s so frustrating to watch your fandom become a giant wild beast and not being able to do anything about it. i’m a soo&kai stan and shipper too i guess (altho im reluctant to call myself one till we talk about the definition) and ever since i got here i’ve been inevitably watching that side of the fandom slowly spiral out of control, and now they’ve come after me. and who knows who else they might target next. i’m not the first and i won’t be the last.

i remember back in 2012 it was just annoying to see ppl littering the tags with random posts stretching any moments or when they were photographed individually or were interacting with other people and making it about kaisoo, making it hard to find content like gifs & updates. useless to me but could be ignored. but over the years, what would’ve just been a headcanon, has garnered a cult following that has elevated it to a “belief” blurring the line between imagination and reality, something that is essential if you want to dive into real person shipping and fiction and keep your feet grounded in reality. they say anyone’s free to believe whatever they want, and it’s true, after all, that’s still in your imagination and it doesn’t affect the real people, but this following has dedicated so much time to feeding their headcanon that somehow, along the way, they’ve managed to convince themselves that the fantasy is real and what would’ve been random posts easy to ignore, fic inspiration and headcanons, has turned into this sort of… set of almost sacred beliefs that get passed down across the eras and those who don’t believe get punished. lol sounds like i’m talking about a dangerous religious cult or smth but idk a better way to describe it, that’s literally how they talk about their headcanon and what they do: they claim their headcanon is a belief, that it is real, and they’re so possesive of the boys and their imaginary romantic relationship they don’t tolerate differences of opinion. they’re always at war with people who ship other pairings and when they’re not fighting others they fight ppl within their own community. they bother kaisoo writers about the content of their fic (sexual position, if the couple doesn’t end up together or is paired with other people, unhappy endings, etc. anything that deviates from their idea of them) a friend told me they even make black lists for “fake” kaisoo writers who don’t believe the ship is real. they can even go as far as bullying fellow shippers and writers and making the most horrible accusations to put people against you. they’ve managed to chase people away and change their dentity to stay safe. this is why they hate me, because i’m still here and i’m not afraid to share different/unpopular opinions (what my blog was basically created FOR) and talking honestly about the shit they do to us.

they claim to be about love and rainbows but they’re so intolerant, conflictive and aggressive they make their ship so hard to love. i don’t check the tag for updates anymore, i don’t even feel comfortable talking about the boys AS FRIENDS on my own blog, i do my best to stay away from these kinds of shippers, i don’t even want to learn any urls to avoid disliking anyone in particular (bc my issue is with the crowd mentality and how they’ve treated people all these years, not specific people. most of what people say about kaisoo nowadays has been repeated for years) and i still see some of their drama and now they go out of their way to get me involved and come to bother me here. i guess leaving would be the easiest way to make it stop but leaving is not a smart solution, it would be like yielding to a tantrum, and im being generous here because these are not children just kicking and screaming.i think something a lot of people don’t understand is that the idols we imagine are not the same as the real people, and they’re not the same as other people’s idea of them either. every one of them is a personal interpretation (maybe acquired from others, but still) and we have no reason to attack others for their imagination. and we can’t claim our opinion/idea of them is the absolute truth either. only the real people know what they’re like, and even then they could be confused about themselves, just like us, but as long as we’re aware that our idea of them is ours and separate from the real people, i don’t think it’s so bad to play with their imaginary selves, whether it’s in your head or in a story. after all, part of their job is selling fantasies.

[badcowboy69]

Get to know you meme

Rules: tag 10 of your followers you want to get to know better

Tagged by:  @thebanquosghost  (sorry it took me so long to reply)

Name:  Tracy

Nickname: Cowgirl, cowboy, country, BC, Tibbs...

Gender: female

Star sign: Gemini

Height: 5'7" Sexuality: I’m not sure right now...trying to figure it out

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff 

Favourite animal(s): fox, horse, African elephant

Average hours of sleep: Depends, but sometimes 4 to 7

Current time: 20:05

Dog or cat person: cats but i do love da puppers

Blankets you sleep with: one comforter 

Dream trip: Herding horses in Montana.  

Dream job: Horse ranch owner with lots of cowboy eye candy

When I made my blog: April 2016 Followers: 185 but probably a good chunk of them are useless advertisements

Account peak: I honestly have no clue what this means

Why I made a tumblr:  I was encouraged by someone to join and make some Fallout friends.

Reason for URL:  Bad cowboy has been part of my life for many years.  He means a lot to me and has his own bit of powers.  I won’t get into that, but let’s just say when I am in serious need of help with something all I have to do is ask and he delivers.

As for the tagging people....Im sure a lot of people already did this before so I’ll just put this out there...if you see it and want to play I would so love to hear from you!