#sorry for my work rant but i am there 40 hours a week

[im-tempted]

Adam 🫱🏽‍🫲🏼 Tai . THATS NOT WHAT THE WALK IN IS USED FOR !!!

Do they not understand that actually giving that much coffee away is grounds for being fired?

Letting a customer into ANY employee specific place is ALSO grounds for being fired

ALMOST EVERYTHING IN HERE IS A FIREABLE OFFENCE

Also you can tell IMMEDIATELY if an author has worked in any kind of coffee shop by the way they talk about how espresso machines work

Cuz that shits magic and milk is hard

[tinyredpoppies]

Worked 18 out of 24 hours and I feel like death.

[miidwrites]

Break

You had seen it coming. You had noticed the absence of something for a few days now. I was trapped in my head and you could see it coming from miles away. The sex was still good. I still chatted to you every day but there was something off. It finally came to head tonight.

You know your girl is always stressing over 40 million things at once so the clipped answers to texts throughout the day just told you maybe your baby needed some quality time tonight. My text from lunch told you how shitty of a week I was having, and it is only Tuesday.

Usually I was first to get home so when you got home and had time to make us a light dinner and put together a lovely little pampering session you knew something was truly wrong.

I get home annoyed and frustrated. You hold your arms out for me and I sweep into them quickly for a brief hug and kiss before stalking off to change out of my work clothes. You frown at the briefness and chose to go to the eat-in kitchen to wait for me to join you for dinner. Asking how my day was, you can hear me ranting about the bosses and my coworkers and the work. You can hear the level of stress and frustration growing by the second in my voice. You call me in for dinner and notice the rambling stop. I rush into the kitchen to start getting things together apologizing that I should have been home hours ago and rambling out apology after apology. I notice that dinner is done and the pans are already in the dishwasher. I stop and stare fighting back tears. Apologizing again that you had to work all day and then cook for us. You shush me and tell me to sit down and eat. I stumble to my chair and look at my dinner forlorn. I have zero appetite after the stress and frustration of the day. I know it won’t go well so I force myself to eat a couple bites. I notice the glass of water you put by my plate and start to get up to get us both some wine. You stop me with a hand on my arm and say no let’s just finish our meal and the water is good for now.

I bristle at the comment. “I drank water today! I drank the whole bottle like I always do.” You notice the indignation in my tone and quirk an eyebrow. “Did you think I wouldn’t?! Sorry I didn’t realize we were back to bottle check ins.” I snap as I get up from the table to stomp to my bag. I wrench my water bottle from my bag and stalk back to the table, storms in my eyes. “Here, need to smell it for soda too?” Anger flashes in your eyes as you appraise my tantrum. You take a deep breath before speaking softly and calmly to me, “you should choose your next words very carefully.”

“Or what?” I snap. You register the moment I recognized my fatal mistake. You knew from my eyes that I hadn’t meant that to slip from my lips. But it had. You had heard me. You weren’t likely to forget it or let it pass by.

Quietly, your order me “Sit. Finish your food. Now.”

Committed to this dangerous path I am already on, “I’ve lost my appetite. I’m going to bed.” I grumble. As I slam my bottle on the table and begin to walk away. “thanks for dinner, goodnight” I throw over my shoulder as I stalk from the room.

It takes you 4 steps to snatch me by the arm and drag me back to the table. You shove me into my chair and sit back down. “You will eat, or I will pour it down your throat.” You seethe quietly. You know if this has been my attitude tonight, I probably haven’t eaten since the half ass attempt last night. I start to pull away when you trap me in my chair. Your face inches from me. “Eat the protein. Or I will purée it and tube feed you.”

Infuriated I grab my fork as you slowly pull away. You had such lovely plans for this evening and I had to just go and ruin them all.

The sound of cutlery across flatware slowly drowning out the soft music you put on is the only sounds in the room. We are both angry and the tension is rolling off both of us.

I know I should apologize and I know I should take my bad mood out on my workout classes, but im just over all of it.

You wait patiently for me to finish my chicken and some of the vegetables on my plate. Your plans have definitely changed but now you understand what is needed.

“Get up. Strip.” Is all you say to me as you clear the dishes from the table.

“Look im sorry, I know I shouldn’t have—“

You stop and glare at me. Pinning me to the spot with a look I can’t even begin to decipher. “Was I unclear?” You ask. Knowing this has drastically changed, I wisely choose to keep my mouth shut and shake my head slowly. “Do you really want me to repeat myself?” You question, your eyebrow raising slowly. Fear strikes me then, I shake my head no a little bit faster. I stand immediately and begin removing my clothes, watching you closely as you continue to clear the table and put away dinner.

Wisely I fold my clothes neatly in my chair and stay as still as possible standing next to it.

You don’t look at me. You don’t acknowledge that I’ve done as you’ve asked. You ignore me completely. Once the dishes are in the dishwasher, the food all put away, my bottle refilled and in the refrigerator, you don’t even glance at me before walking past me to the other room.

My anxiety has spiked now. I know I fucked up. I am ashamed for yelling about something stupid. I know I’ve been a little petulant lately but it’s not fair to you. I know I want to apologize. I want to grovel and ask you to hold me so I know I have completely fucked everything up. I stand there shaking as the errant thoughts race through my head. It’s been hours (maybe a few minutes) since you’ve looked at me or spoken to me or touched me. I am spiraling into internal despair in my head. My skin prickles with electricity. It snaps me out of my mental doom spiral. My head snaps up straight and I don’t dare turn.

It’s several more minutes of you staring before I hear your voice “come to me.” I turn and hold myself back from rushing to you. I take measured steps as I notice the blank look on your face and the slight furniture rearrangement. I stop just before you with my head hanging low. I can hear the disappointment in your tone and feel the temperament in the room. I hate this feeling.

You stand there appraising me before stepping back once more. You can see the defeat in the slump of my shoulders. You know, I know, I fucked up.

You take a calculated breath before addressing me. “Kneel.”

I drop to my knees instantly. Knees wide, hands upward resting on my thighs, head bowed. You smirk at the training that has obviously paid off.

You step back once again and settled into your reading chair tucked against the wide set living room windows.

You stare at me open and waiting for you. You appraise my creamy skin, the tension lines across my face and the set of my shoulders and back. You knew this was coming. You should have noticed it before now.

You address me, “I should probably apologize,” you begin. I start from the words, almost raising my head to look at you in alarm. You notice the movements and smirk before continuing. “I probably SHOULD apologize” you emphasize, “because I should have noticed it before. However, if you hadn’t been such a fucking disrespectful cunt this evening, tonight would have gone a much different direction. Now we are here. You have ruined my plans for the evening and ruined my dinner with your fucking mouth. Do you have anything to say?”

You notice the labored breathing I seem to be sporting. Smirking you notice the glistening between my thighs, yes tonight is going to be fun. “Speak.” You command.

With a shaky breath I open my mouth and softly whisper, “im sorry—“. You cut me off with “what? Come to me. Can’t hear your pathetic excuse for an apology.” I slowly crawl forward and stop at your feet. Returning to my kneel’d position, l begin again, “im sorry i was rude—“ my words are cut off by a harsh slap to my face. Tears sting my eyes as I glance up at you briefly in shock. You’ve never struck me before. You squeeze my chin in your hand and yank my face up to look at you. “I don’t believe you. You have been a cunty brat all fucking day and this is the best you can do?! Try again.”

The red mark is blossoming on my cheek as I stare in your eyes and begin again “imsorryforbeingabrat” I rush out quickly, your fingers squeezing my cheeks tighter, smushing my mouth into a pout.

You stare at my mouth, squeezing tighter. You barely register the panic that flashes in my eyes before you harshly release my face. Sitting back again, you yank me by the shoulder and pull me across your right knee. You throw your left leg over my back and pin my body down.

Your breathing is even and annoyed. “You make everything so much harder than it has to be. I work so hard to make sure that you are taken care of and your needs are always met. I treat you with respect and this is the bullshit you bring home to me?!” You ask incredulously. Your hand is heavy on my ass. You warn me, “this is not going to be nice. This is not going to be fun. You deserve this and you know it, yes?” You ask. I nod as tears prick my eyes again. You send a hard warning smack to my ass. “I can’t hear you.”

“Yes.” I reply immediately.

SMACK

You send another hard hit to the top of my ass cheeks. Pain radiates as you remind me, “you will fix that tone or this night will go so much worse for you. I don’t have to use my hand.” You trail off.

Panic shoots through me again. You feel me kick a little and hear my weak apologies.

“What do you think you deserve?” You question. Making me choose my punishment. You know how much I dread this and wait for me to answer.

SMACK

You send another hard hit to my left cheek. Just below your mark inked into my skin. “Answer me.”

“20?” you hear me answer with a question but strong voice. Smirking again at my response.

“Count.” You order.

As each smack is delivered, hard and with intent, my voice rings out in pain and anguish as I count through them. By 18, my ass is bright red and your hand is throbbing. You can smell the slick dripping down on to your thigh. You can hear the sniffles between each spank delivered. At twenty, the heat radiating from my bright cheeks is enough that you know how much tonight is going to hurt for me. A part of you almost feels bad… almost.

You rub and pinch my ass cheeks roughly. Telling me what a good girl I could be if I continue doing so well tonight. You push two fingers into my dripping pussy. “Look at this! How nice must I be if you are this soaked for me after 20 hits?! Maybe I took it too easy on you?” You hear me whimper in need and pain. “Awe, such a pathetic little sound. What do you need puppy?” You ask as you roughly bully your fingers hard into my pussy. You spit on my cunt, rubbing your thumb over my back entrance. “I’m not done with you yet.” You rip your hands away from me quickly. Lifting your left leg and yanking me up by the arm at the same time you turn me to look at my face.

“Oh what a mess you are, puppy!” You yank me back down on my knees and begin to undo your belt. “After all my hard work, I need a nice warm place for my cock. Take me out.” Understanding the inference, I finish undoing your belt and trousers before pulling your cock out and opening my mouth for it. You grab my hair and pull my head back, my tongue hanging out your look over my face before spitting in my mouth.

“Show me how grateful you are… I better believe you this time.”

I quickly dive on your cock sucking your head all the way back to my throat. Your hand stays in my hair, holding me down with my nose flush to your pubic bone. You hold me til my gag reflex finally takes hold and I choke on your cock. Pulling my head up slightly you angle my head so the head of your cock is bulging from my cheek. You brutalize my cheek with face fucking me like a cock sleeve. You are mesmerized by the bulging and trade off little taps to my cheek while bruising the inside of my mouth. Drool leaks out of my mouth all over your shaft and balls. The lewd choking sounds make you harder as you drag my head back and forth over your cock by my hair. You can smell me. You can see the mascara running down my face. You yank my face off your cock.

“Get on the bed.” You demand, your breaths harsh with exertion and control. I scramble to the bedroom and climb on to the bed. Everything hurts. Everything is loud and noisy in my head. You follow me into the room. “On your knees, puppy, you get fucked like the little bitch you are.”

I turn on my knees, dropping my chest down to the bed, presenting you with my still rosy ass. You run your hands roughly over my ass and watch as I wince in pain. You send another slap to my right cheek before bending down and biting. I scream out in pain. There. “Now we are getting somewhere, puppy. Here I was thinking I was being too gentle on you tonight.” You lean down to bite again leaving teeth marks next to your mark. You slap my cheek again and bite below your mark before sucking. Drawing the blood to the skin and biting you leave a mark you know will be there for days. You know this little reminder will be visible and I’ll feel its sting for a while.

Your ministrations don’t stop. You trade slaps and bites all over the round of my ass and even the backs of my thighs. I am crying and shaking before you have finished. You take a long lick of my cunt so beautifully presented to you.

“Fuck. I swear you get creamier the more you scream.” Taking another long languid swipe of my cunt you finish by tonguing my back entrance. I squirm and pant at your actions. You notice the wetness seeping out of me in rivulets. You lick up the inside of my thighs before latching on just below my dripping pussy. Leaving a painful love bite you slap my ass and then my pussy, hard, before plunging two fingers back into me. The actions have me launching myself forward in pain and pleasure.

“Think we are about ready now puppy. Get back on your knees” you command as you pull your trousers down further. I’m full with your fingers pounding into me hard. The movement never slowing, never lightening. There’s a brief lull as you pull your fingers out before you slam your cock into me deep and hard. You’ve repositioned yourself for the best leverage and deliver unforgiving thrusts. Your hips slap against my bright red and purple ass. The pain making me cry out at every thrust. You double your efforts and slam into me even hard and more brutalizing. I am crying at this point. Sobbing into the bed as my face is pushed down by the force of your hips and the weakness in my arms. You weave your fingers into my hair at my skull and pull. Yanking my back up to your chest while you drive into me. “Is this what you needed puppy? Did you need to feel the pain and pleasure only I can give you? Do you know what a good girl you’re being for me?” Tears stream down my face between wrecking sobs. You continue to pound into me until sound leaves me. You can feel the grip from my pussy, pulling you in deeper and deeper. You whisper in my ear, “give me that orgasm puppy.” As I completely come undone. I collapse to the bed with you on top of me. My breathing has hitched and stopped momentarily through my orgasm. I squirt and push your cock out with the force. Lining yourself up with my asshole, you drag some of my cum up to my ass and enter me again. I’m so tight you almost blow your load right there. You nudge into me slowly. Once fully seated in my ass, you notice my breathing is short and im in my post-orgasm comatose state. You slowly begin to move in me. Your short little thrusts so deep in my ass. You keep doing the languid movements until you hear my breathing normalize and you know im back with you.

You press a kiss to my hair, “you’re doing so good for me babygirl. Such a good girl. Let daddy finish with you. Can you come for me one more time baby?” My breathing hitches at the fullness you have provided. I nod my head for you as you keep rutting into my ass. “Good girl” you growl as I begin lifting my hips slightly to meet your thrusts. You wrap your arms around my shoulders keeping me pinned tight to your chest as you back your hips further and further for deeper, harder thrusts. My moans are guttural at the intrusion. You whisper what a filthy little girl I am for you and how no one would ever make me feel this way. You growl what a good girl I am for you and how im a perfect puppy that you could never love anyone as much. You grunt out your lewd comments and adorations as your pace gets less and less measured. My moans spurring you on, you draw your hand between my breast and wrap your long fingers around my neck. Grunting how good I am for you your pace quickens and my cries ring out. “Come for me. Come like a good girl. Come with me puppy. My perfect little puppy.” You ground out in my ear as we both cross over the precipice. You come deep in my ass and throb at the spasms from my cunt. You roll us to the side still seated deep in my ass. You run your fingers lightly around my neck as we stay connected and cuddled. It’s several minutes before either of us can speak. As I turn my head to look at you, my hand comes up to pull our mouths together. Our kisses are languid and sweet. Your cock throbs again in my ass as you slowly soften. I smile through the tear stains all over my face. “You good baby?” You ask softly pecking kisses over every single one of my tear spots. I nod against you, relaxing in your arms.

“Cmon puppy, you need a bath.” I smile against your mouth as we disconnect and scramble to the shower.

[foxymoxynoona]

miss foxy,

i don’t know if the publishing industry is just filled with no one but shitty writers OR youve ruined romance novels for me.

ive read about 30 of them so far since i found you and you know how many of those that i actually have 5 starred on StoryGraph?

five. FIVE BOOKS.

four starred? TWO books.

and you know what runs through my head every time a book disappoints me?

“i can’t believe i paid MONEY for this garbage. how come miss foxy with god-tier writing writes for free?”

like this is such bullshit/;@&”$ i am SOO MAD

thing is im not even like picky with plots and storylines and stuff, so if anything im actually pretty easy to please in terms of ~originality~. you could recycle the same tired storyline or trope or whatever and id still give it a read, no problemo. as long as the characters get proper character development, im good. trust me. im an EASY reader.

no. you know what usually BOTHERS me about these ~published~ writers that forces me to give their books less than 3 stars?

THE FACT THAT THEY CANT EVEN WRITE DECENT DIALOGUE.

DECENT. DIALOGUE. THAT. SOUNDS. NATURAL. AND. REALISTIC.

LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH AND PATIENCE BECAUSE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF I READ ONE MORE FUCKING BOOK WITH SHITTY DIALOGUE IM GOING TO SCREAM THE WHOLE BUILDING DOWN.

like it’s just a pandemonium going on in my system whenever i read shitty dialogue because it makes me want to crawl out of my skin. that’s how SHITTY it is. one or two lines i can let slide (im not that much of a bitch… probably) but a WHOLE DAMN BOOK? REALLY?!

mind you, these books are mostly four starred 🤢🤢🤢 some even FIVE starred and im just like ARE WE EVEN READING THE SAME BOOK?!

this is why i don’t play when i tell you your writing is a GODSEND. i MEAN that shit. every sentence literally has me ���😮 like, you actually KNOW what to do with words. now THATS a writer.

sorry. rants over.

PS: now that i think about it, my rant could be read as me putting you on a pedestal and i understand that could put you off because you think i have high expectations from you but trust me. you could NEVER disappoint me. EVER.

I'm very very very flattered by a message like this. I have been secretly poking a little at what it would take to publish things for real, because if I could just write all the time instead of 40+ hours a week at my current day job, it would be so heavenly. I could publish real books to subsidize my fanfic writing🤣🤣

Sometimes I'll read published books and be like hey, I could write that! But then I'll read other ones and be completely intimidated by how amazing they are, and it's also so hard to be objective about my own work so I'm just always like... no way could I pull that off. I do love words though. To my writing is like baking braided bread or something, all the massaging and careful selection, and I just really enjoy it. That's why I've always been writing, even when it brings me no fame nor fortune haha, I just have to do it.

I don't know, maybe someday. Supportive comments like this puff me up with the belief I could do it! Anyone know a good agent or publisher (like if you read a book and it kinda reminds you of something I write) lemme know! 😂

And thank you for such a sweet praising note, I will save it forever for when I'm feeling down about a chapter 🥰

[iamthecomet]

I always feel bad for coming in here and just ranting about my problems, cause I know yet aren’t that bad but I can’t really talk to anyone in person here about them and I just feel a little bit better talking here because I feel it’s actually genuine.

But have you ever had someone pray on your down fall, or unknowingly do it? If that makes sense… but I’ve had ppl say they truly didn’t think I’d make it this far, to my face, and weirdly enough I could handle it. I took that and pushed my way to get athletic and academic scholarships. But just now for a project we had in physics only one person in our group had to turn it in, which the professor didn’t say that so we were all working on it. But when we figured it out they called and told me cause I was still working on it but I had don’t all the graphs and formulas and sent it so I could help them out. I asked if they got them and they go “uhhh yeah imma be honest, they weren’t right…” UM HELLO. Thanks for telling me before I turned it in?!?

Like it won’t hurt my feelings if you tell me I’m wrong, give me some advice on how to do it right, but it DOES hurt knowing that your weren’t going to tell me and let me get a bad grade. Thanks. That right there made me lose all trust in those two girls. Girls that I’m taking multiple classes with and am also on the same team with.

I know you get a lot of ppl who like to talk and tell you what’s going on in life, and I think it’s because YOU are a TRUSTWORTHY person, a GENUINE person who wants what’s best for people. So thank you, and all the other online friends for being some of the few people who are like that, holy shit. I know I’m being dramatic but right now I can’t tell if I’m more pissed or sad that it all happened.

But PLEASE distract me tell me all the things in your life right now, good or bad, if you’d like. Tell me fun things that have happened or things you’re excited about!! I’d love to know if you’re doing amazing:)🖤🖤

Holy shit, Mo. In all genuine honesty, fuck those people. Like, seriously. I'm sorry that you have to do so much with them. I think people are so afraid of conflict that they unintentionally create it by being like this. Or maybe they just genuinely don't care--either way it's not a great way to live your life or communicate with other people. And it isn't a reflection on you it's a reflection on them. Ok, enough of that. My life? Christ, Mo. My life is BORING haha. Let's see, my library is planning a solar eclipse party for whatever day in October the partial Solar Eclipse is. We're BARELY getting any actual eclipse but we got sent five billion eclipse glasses and we love an excuse for programming. (And we're getting a full eclipse in April so this is our practice run). So that's going to be my fun work thing for the next couple of weeks! I saw one of my best friends over the weekend. I don't see her much anymore since she left her husband and moved in with her new boyfriend 2 1/2 hours away. But that's alright, she is SO MUCH happier. I made her a little dumpster fire crochet (she immediately named him Daniel). We judged the clueless out of staters for a few hours at a weird craft fair thing we went to, and then we went to the book store and got boba tea and it was just a really wonderful day. I'm in a writing group that's supposed to last from August-May and the end goal is to have a finished draft/self-published book by the end of it. So that is super exciting. I'm working on a story I've been trying to tell for YEARS. I'm just hoping to get it out of my head. It has nothing to do with fantasy, or smut, or ghouls. But I'm hoping it will help me process some shit. It's exciting, I am unmotivated, but I'll make it work haha. Everyone else in the writing group is like 10-40 years older than me so it is a WILD experience. I sort of feel out of place with all these "adults" who read their fancy literary books and I'm over here like "well...I...read books for fun so they have to be fun!" I feel like the dumb little kid in the room. Which I'm pretty used to at this point in my life. But I have faith in my own skill, and I've worked with the guy running it before in short story programs he's done and he has faith in my skill, so I am unbothered by being the weird young person in the room. I am worried that I'm going to get to May had have nothing to show for it--but eh, we'll see when we get there. Please never feel bad about coming to me to vent/talk. I'm glad you know that you can just come into my ask box and decompress from the bullshit. Everyone deserves a place like that. Sending you love and hugs if you want them. And, seriously, fuck those people.

[cosmic-gemstone]

I’m sorry, but I just. Need to vent for a moment. Warning for caps, I just…I’m tired. I know this is an RP blog and I promise I’ll get back to that when I can but I really just need to get some stuff off my chest. I’ll put it under a cut.

I complain that my stomach is hurting and that I’m exhausted, and that I will feed the cat in a few minutes when I am ready.

My mom: -constant stream of harassment, when are you feeding, are you now? Are you now? Are you now—

Me: -gets annoyed and frustrated, makes a plate of food while my stomach is hurting instead of waiting for it to calm a little bit-

My mom: WELL IMAGINE HAVING TO DO ALL THIS AND WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK!

Me: WELL MAYBE PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE SO TERRIFIED OF STARVING TO DEATH OR LOSING THEIR HOUSE IF THEYRE UNABLE TO WORK WHILE SICK OR INJURED

My mom: So the government should just pay them?

I just. YES. YES THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD PAY THEM.

INSTEAD OF WAITING JUST A FEW MINUTES UNTIL MY STOMACH CALMED, SHE PUSHED AMD PUSHED AND PUSHED UNTIL I GOT IRRITATED AND HAS THE AUDACITY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY ATTITUDE

SHE IS ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN AND DEMAND BUT I AM NOT. I AM SICK TOO MOM.

SHE DOES NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT ME SHE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK HOW MUCH PAIN I AM IN SHE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK THAT I NEARLY HAD A MENTAL BREAK FROM GRANDMA BEING IN THE HOSPITAL

ALL OF THE EMOTIONAL BURDEN GETS THROWN ON ME. I HAVE TO CARRY ALL OF IT. I HAVE TO BE THE ONE THAT STAYS CALM. I HAVE TO BE THE ONE WHO DOES THE HARD STUFF EMOTIONALLY.

I WAS COMPLETELY ALONE AT THE VET BECAUSE SHE JUST COULDN’T DEAL WITH IT.

I’m so fucking TIRED.

She doesn’t ask us to do stuff, she DEMANDS we do stuff, and it has to be done RIGHT THAT SECOND and it has to be done the way SHE thinks it should be done.

My grandma is also frustrated with her. But she REFUSES to get help. No, instead of going to therapy, I have to be her therapist, listening to her rant even if I’m not emotionally able to handle it.

I’m sorry, but…I really don’t have a whole lot of support or resources here.

[bunny-lou]

Hello!! Im the anon with the ask from 2 weeks ago about how much i love your fics and how autophobia kicked my ass into hyperfocus so bad i ended up napping on the floor in the hallway and almost missing class after reading it

I just want you to know that i really appreciate you taking the time to answer said ask because i was massively anxious about having sent it as it was all pretty much nothing but an absolute ramble and since i was exhausted as shit (hadnt slept for more than 40 hours at that point in time) i didnt even remember what exactly i had said in it until reading it again just now after seeing it answered on my dash (didnt even figure it out it was my fucking ask until halfway through) so i was kinda worried about having come across differently than intended and sounding idk entitled or some shit by talking about wanting to read more from you whenever and only of possible (id fucking hate to sound like one of those "next chapter right now!!!! I dont care that you have a life!!! Write the fucking chapter now!!!" readers) and i was more anxious ab it after time passed without getting an answer (ngl i was p much straight up stalking your blog every few hours the first few days then i saw a post from you about how tumblr eats your asks and calmed down quite a bit) but yeah anyway i just really wanted to tell you how much i loved ypur stuff and how strongly i feel about autophobia and your writing in general hopefully without making you uncomfy or coming across as rude or anything i hope i succeed in doing that at least kinda

But yeah jsyk youre the first desc account i started interacting with properly after randomly becoming hyperfixated as fuck on descendants and your stuff is responsible fpr getting me more into the fandom and into desc itself so yeah thank you

And also i just wanna say that when i first started autophobia i REALLY didnt think my autistic aroace ass would like it since i never was into abo in the traditional form of the trope but goddamn did i fucking love ypur fic despite any initial assumptions i had made about it i loved carlos' characterization so much and i loved everyones characterization so much amd the whole plot and everything i felt it was So well executed i often daydream of like alternate events for my favourite fics but for yours i can conceive no alternate plot development that id like more than yours its absolutely chefs kiss

Anyway sorry for thia absolutely fucking gigantic rant feel free to ignore me apologies if its too much and (tldr:) thank you for everything!!

(Original ask)

I'm the actual worst at responding on Tumblr, I'm so sorry.

Your asks, both the previous one and this one, are so sweet! I never mind long asks, though it does take me longer to respond to them. Seriously, if it takes me a while to answer, it's because most of my work days are 10-12 hours and I do not have energy to reply, it's a busy life!! My mobile Tumblr (which is what I normally use) does not give me any alert that I get an ask, but if I check my mobile tumblr, my desktop tumblr will not show that I have an ask because it thinks I saw the notification on mobile (which I don't). So also blame the wonky app lol.

There are months of effort that go into all my pieces on AO3, especially Autophobia, so messages like these that show that people know how much effort I put into my work are so rewarding. And I love Descendants, it brought my such entertainment and joy during harsh periods of my life, I am in awe if my writing helped you to love a fandom as much as I do!

And I've had a lot of people tell me that Autophobia is their favorite ABO fic or the fic that got them invested in that trope, which also means so much to me because ABO is my favorite AU!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to send me such a lovely letter, it makes me smile so much!!

[whatbloglol]

As a millennial, y’all have no idea how thankful I am to other millennials and genZ for making the changes in corporate work culture that are currently going on. At my current job (working in a call center), we have a concept called “Flex” that pretty much says you can take X number of calls and then you can go home, and still get paid for the full day.

The flip side of that is if for some reason they need more bodies, they will rescind the “going home early” part, but will pay you OVERTIME equal to the amount of calls you took even if you only worked 40 hours.

The metric changes slightly every so often (less calls/more calls taken = 1 hour) so it’s still in our interest not to overwork ourselves and prove how much we really CAN do when pushed to the limit.

But let’s say you know you’re going to need off a little earlier on Wednesday… if you want you can work your ass off Monday and Tuesday for 8 hours and accumulate 12 total via flex. Great! Now you can leave 4 hours early on Wednesday, still getting paid for 24 hours even though you were only on the clock for 20.

Conversely, *if*they are offering to pay for overtime, you won’t be able to leave early, but you’d be able to work 40 and get paid 1.5x for every “flex” hour past 40.

Summary: I’ve done 50 hour weeks before and gotten paid for 60, effectively doubling my paychecks. Lemme tell y’all… it’s been nice. Notice how I’m STILL PRODUCTIVE!

Thank you millennials and genZ for helping this and future generations abolish the ‘always have to be standing and/or doing something’ work culture that has pervaded the last century and beyond.

Big corporations make entirely too much money to be micromanaging their employees like some mid-level management peons are wont to do.

Rant over… sorry 😉

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

[written-in-flowers]

Are you going to finish the delivery service high and low story

Gosh, this is going to sound awful but...I don't know. I really got stuck on it, then lost my fixation then got it back then lost it again then realized how fucking LONG i decided to plan it out which intimidated me which is dumb because, like, it's MY fic I can choose to change whatever I want, right? I come up with these series and stories and stuff, post a bit, then feel absolutely terrible when my writing brain decides to go work on something else.

Note: totally, totally, totally NOT angry at all about this ask. I'm glad this got sent to me because the real answer is that I don't know anymore. I have daydreams and have ideas but then have no energy to actually write it because corporate america and the greedy capitalists have me working 40 hours/week every week. My mental health and stress levels don't help with that either. The two things I've recently posted took MONTHS for me to write because I kept dropping them to write other things or just ended up not writing at all that day.

I'm willing to just post the bullet points or like short run downs of what the chapter would've entailed. Idk. I hate leaving it hanging as is and also leaving just bullet points of it because that's so fucked of me to do since I know there are people out there who genuinely enjoy it and want to see what happens next. Im so sorry I haven't finished it or anything like that. I'm also sorry this is messy. It's almost 2 am here, and I just got home a little bit ago, so my brain is still kind of scattered, and I ended up ranting and rambling here.

[onlyonewoman]

As a 40+ person who works at a stable where a whole bunch of horses will scream at you if their breakfast is late at 7:03 (tbf they will scream at you for being early or on time too because hungry horses are idiots with no patience or chill what so ever) I just want to say: I've NEVER been a morning person and I NEVER will be. Mornings have never been my thing. I get up because the HORSES are morning people who don't know what a damn watch is. If they could feed themselves and get themselves ready for the pasture, go outside and close the entrance, does anyone think stable workers and horse owners would RISE AND SHINE at 5-6 AM? Like some actual sociopaths??? Also: to every young person out there getting told you should just "be responsible and go to bed early, because that's what adults do", that's a bold face LIE. Adults don't go to bed at a reasonable time unless they're literally forced to or won the sleep pattern lottery. Going to sleep at 9:15 in the SUMMER to get my 8 hours? Dream on, I don't have a damn batcave, just 2 sets of half-decent sleeping pills and 1 anxiety med that MIGHT work perfectly sometimes and then go "lol, fuck you" for two weeks. And one reason as to why it's difficult to go to bed on time, is because during the evenings and nights, we're finally (hopefully) getting to relax and have some leisure time to load our mental batteries and why would we want to cut the most relaxing part of our day short? We're programmed to take it slower when it's dark, to wind down and have something warm to drink by the fire, talking and singing, doing non-strenuous activities, telling and listening to stories and music, snuggle, get drowsy, see the shadows grow larger and the flames move... Our society expects us to be morning people, while also effectively ruining basically all chances to a natural rhythm. Sorry for the rant, I'm just a tired, middleaged woman who wants to punch modern society light pollution and work life in the cunt.

sick of living in a society that caters to and coddles morning people. if you're a morning person keep that to yourself, pervert

[thea-dacity]

Thinking about the last time that she had a flounce of this variety, which was last September (2022). Like she's always simmering but it usually takes something that I said in passing to someone else to get her to snap like this and I know its always something like... she's been talking to her mother, or one of B's moms said something, or something just hasn't been going right for some reason and she needs to make us feel bad about doing normal things.

On this instance of last September, it was because I had said to B that we apologize in advance if we seem to be hogging the playstation in the coming month because Genshin was having a major map update and we might need to be reminded that the outside world exists.

It was a lighthearted conversation between me and B about our various videogame habits because like... they also hog the consoles from time to time so we're all very aware of our faults.

The next morning at... 4am, because she gets the insomnia bad, A tells us through the chat that if we were TRULY sorry for hogging HER playstation (it was a gift from B, and we were given permission to use it within reason) then we would help her out with the chores in the house because she's the ONLY person doing housework.

September is my busy season at work. I am working almost 40 hours and I drive 300 miles a week, but I still find time to be home to make dinner, shop groceries, plan meals, do dishes. B works 40 hours a week all year round and sometimes does dishes, but also feeds and entertains the animals, and probably a few other things. Girlfriend... could be better about doing chores but like... we all could be.

A DOES do most of the housework, but she also finds chores that I've never really considered to be done as frequently as they are. Like, for example, she's the only one that comes from a house with smokers and none of us smoke. So I don't consider washing the walls, couch covers, and deep vacuuming to be a weekly thing. And no one told us that these things needed to be done at the specifications she wanted.

So how... was I supposed to know that this needed to be done? And I think it wears on B a lot, too. Because they're autistic, and they don't really pick up on context and they don't really catch social cues and A is from a very... Southern-style upbringing where you don't ask things, you imply that you want them.

And that does not WORK in a house full of autistics. (Personal diagnosis pending, but Girlfriend went to a wedding in my family and... uhh... I trust her judgement when she says my whole family is autistic.)

So we went back and forth with her about what we could do to lighten her load and Girlfriend asked for a list of chores and how often they needed to be done.

It was a... very long list, which included 'organize the garage- pack two boxes a month.' Again- my stuff is what keeps getting shoved in there because it doesn't fit her perfect idea of what a house should look like. So i'm supposed to organize the shit that she shoves around in there. And 'clean the cat tree' which is one of those things where if they were OUR animals we would absolutely be doing this.

Also, why do I need to be organizing the garage? Are we expecting company in there? Is there an inspection I don't know about? Most of the mess in there is unprocessed boxes from amazon and chewy purchases.

But I'm focusing on the wrong thing here.

Remember: the trigger here was that I took a preemptive measure to make sure we weren't hogging a shared item.

I'm getting my ass reamed for being courteous. And the reason she gave was that because I apologized to B instead of A. Because its HER playstation.

The point of this rant other than to blow off some steam is that this particular outburst resembles the one we just had about the car. And in trying to find a common trigger, one of them might be talking to her partner about house matters.

Which I realize is ridiculous. Because how am I supposed to do things like... plan meals and figure out schedules if I can't ask the ONE person in the house that doesn't have a completely open schedule?

I'm trying not to armchair because I'd hate it if I was the shoe was on the other foot. But if I was gonna pick a reason, I'd say it comes down to not feeling like she has total control of the household.

Which is again ridiculous because its four goddamn adults. Adults are gonna make plans without you, and I've been the one in charge of meal planning for the past three years because she dropped the ball on it for three months and I just took charge because someone had to.

But it does make sense that its about control. She does this with B's personal relationships, too. Like anytime B goes to hang out with friends A sulks the whole evening. Like B always extends the offer to her, especially on holiday- like she's been invited to passover every year but she only went once (though... that's religious trauma and she's ... uh... she's got some misconceptions about judaism and has said some.... things that make me wonder if she hasn't quite shaken her mom's antisemitism) But no matter how many times B tries to let her into her social and family circles she refuses and then spends the whole night salty that her partner is out doing something without her.

Sorry, it got away from me again.

But yeah, control. I think the problem is a lack of control. And unfortunately, I don't have a solution to that other than to quit lying to her therapist. (the walls are thin and I can hear everything.)

Anyway, sorry. I finally have like a little bit of freedom to talk about this and its turning into verbal diarrhea.

[momtaku]

How is historia going to fit in the current story? Idk it could be just me, but this pregnancy plot so far is just annoying. I believe there were times isayama could have her back into the story, and yet I feel we won't see til the very end of the story.

Historia has a lot of explaining to do. Whatever secrets she’s holding right now will likely fill the knowledge gaps in Eren’s story. Since Historia seems to have received visions of her own during the medal ceremony, when we get Historia’s POV, it will unlock critical information about Eren, his vision, and “that scenery”. Because Isayama likes��torturing us (and wants to sell enough manga to buy that onsen), he’s holding onto that information for as long as he can.

I’ve been saying for a long time that we won’t get Eren’s POV directly. His story is first going to be told through others. Chapter 106 provided Armin’s POV where we saw Eren’s attitude and ideas during the failed negotiations with Hizaru. Chapter 123 was Mikasa’s POV. It gave us insight into his state of mind just prior to the attack on Liberio. My guess is the Historia POV will be what happened in between--how the conversation with Yelena pointed Eren in Zeke’s direction. 

I don’t know where it fits either, but as we’ve seen in recent chapters, when Isayama wants to bring the cast together, he’s willing to take huge logic leaps and shortcuts. So who knows. Maybe she’ll be eating pie at the port. Maybe Floch has kidnapped her as well. “Historia when?” has to be “Historia soon!” because I think the SC needs the information she holds before their confrontation with him.

Thanks for the ask!

[dull-c]

right so, i have had a Super Fun week archiving 40 years worth of actual paper author contracts for work (kill meeee) + sorting last minute biz for little sissas wedding. subsequently I have only squeezed in a few rewatches over the last few days, and am generally existing on caffeine and fumes, so there’s absolutely nothing of substance coming outta this head rn. but! regardless! some incoherent Thoughts on some eps from my one semi-functioning brain cell under the cut

previously on the bad show......... daniel: you look good man! you look hot, sorry i mean sorry you still, sorry- got you got that- you still got that great ass, sorry, i mean you look fucken edible, sorry i mean sorry i wanna kiss you johnny: [takes this personally for some reason] //there is no kissing and everyone is mad about it//

1x04 -“the 15 inch, that’s a nice machine” makes me laugh every time. ahh yes indeed the 15 incher. Yes. That one. Almost as good as the 250 GBer. i know about computers. what are the other staff in this store DOING -kinda home of sexual that billboard thing huh? you working through some stuff jlawz? i love the idea of him not only drawing a 5 meter long paint dick on daniel’s face, but also his karate pamphlets trailing behind him all the way like drunken breadcrumbs -i just need you to know that i laughed at every single dick joke in this episode

-gonna skip right past the poop thing i think -and kyler’s 30 year old HS friend -daniel reacting a normal amount to graffiti on his billboard, nothing to see here. he’s fine he’s fine he’s kicking drinks outta peoples hands he’s ruining livelihoods he’s fine -tom cole definitely voted for trump both times -i cannot tell you how angry i was the first time i watched this and that jlawz big “no do overs” speech was revealed to be directed at carmen and miguel. sir i know you got trauma but try that hard with YOUR ACTUAL SON please -daniel: that’s too bad :D that you broke up with kyler :DDDD really sorry to hear!! [is happiest babygirl alive]

1x05 -do some yoga jlawz, it’ll be good for you!! -oh no robby buying pizza for his ma. he got the one she likes. baby boi :((( -gonna scoot past the lynne stuff but i repeat, i’m glad they pumped the brakes on this shit in later seasons bc this aint it!!! -daniel raising the rent on poor folks and then deliberately going to johnny to rub it and/ or his wealth in his face is objectively some supervillain nonsense, but if they wanted me to not like him in this scene maybe they shouldn’t have made him look so hot. i’m very shallow and dumb and he look sexy when he mean -“i guess sam takes after her dad.” kyler’s a gronk but credit where it’s due, that was a sick burn.

-okay daniel talking to miyagi at his grave > cleaning out the dojo > going back to karate > panflutes > hachimaki etc made me do an embarrassingly big cry. my brain is not in any shape to verbalise this rn but something about him fucking up, realizing it and heading to a cemetery and talking to miyagi all vulnerable like that really did a number on my feelings, especially coming right out of the tkk movies rewatch. he misses him so much ;_;

1x06 -boooo kreese sucks, even in flashbacks and when I can’t see his face. -“my dad hates [daniel larusso’s] guts” ok was jlawz just talking about daniel constantly the full 30+ years?? no wonder robby is mad, if every time he actually saw him he was like “hi dad!” and dad launched into an hour long rant about one guy from high school he interacted with a total of four times and three of those four times was him beating him up -demetri is a big vibe. love my beloved garbage disaster man, but pretty sure if I met him irl i would pretty quickly be like ‘ok buddy, for sure! yeah strike hard totally. anyway…. [already out the door] seeya!!’ -daniel asking everyone to do karate with him including his employees trying to fill that miyagi void is such an understatedly sad part of this episode. my old mens both so sad. ilu please go to therapy -miguel and sam are freaking adorable awkward babies and i would die for them -robby trying to use daniel to get back at his dad and then instantly imprinting on him is so funny. being charmed by daniel larusso is in the genes somehow -(not to be shallow ((is shallow)) but daniel looks so baby in that bit where robby comes to the house) -you know that scene in not another teen movie where they’re like “oh my god she’s wearing glasses! and overalls! and her hair is tied back!!”? the Hawk scene gives that in reverse vibes. like GASP, he gelled his hair!! and put on skinny jeans!!!

1x07 -it’s a montaaaage! -miguel no offense my sweet summer child but do not ask jlawz for advice on romance. his idea of courting is just obsessively brooding about them for 30 years and then when he finally sees them again stomping on their foot and running away -daniel being like “it was a solid business plan!” (re little trees) is so so daniel. i am gonna chew my own arm off i love this bouncy little pretend guy so hard -the UST in the committee meeting is off the charts. please stop looking at each other like that in public (also daniel being like OH GIMMIE A BREAK when jlawz said ‘kreese is dead’ is honestly the funniest thing in all of season 1. maybe the entire series) -i’m getting ahead of myself, but the golf and stuff montage has made me think – it’s kinda weird that they went with ali and jlawz going there in s3, right? idk miguel and sam is a cute little parallel to the movie, but A & J going there seems…. strange to me. although not any stranger than anything else they’ve done re: the original movie ig? hmm.   anyway! weird thought to end things on, but sometimes it do be like that. will resume normal rewatching transmissions on the weekend. might even have an actual coherent thought or two on something after I catch up on some sleep! i have high hopes

[losingitinjersey]

Ever spend the last 12 days intending to blog every day and then never finding the time to do so?  Yup, that’s where I’ve been at.  Straight up in survival mode over here.  

My MIL left on Monday and while my days since have been spent constantly putting out fires managing two crying children (often at the same time), I’m oh so flipping happy to be on my own again :) I understand that it’s important for family to come and visit and get to know their grandchildren. While I’m happy we all had that time together I’m glad to now have the time to figure out life as a family of four without an extra person in the house.  

Kevin started a new rotation that has him gone six days a week from 4 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. (or later) so all he has time to do is come home and sleep.  Poor guy :( I went from having both him and either my mom or MIL home all the time to now doing everything alone.  It’s a lot but I’m surviving!  

Here’s a rundown of some of the highlights from the last 12 days. 

Aug passed her hearing test!  Woooo!

Thanks to the MIL here, Kevin and I were able to go (BY OURSELVES) out to dinner, out to brunch, on several walks, and two grocery shopping dates!  Such a dreeaaammm!

My MIL strongly dislikes/is scared of my cat, Saki.  As such, on one of the days I was gone at appointments with Aug for six hours she didn’t let him downstairs.  Due to this he pooped in my bedroom on the carpet :(  To my MIL’s credit, she thought he had a litterbox upstairs, but no.  That’s why I’m always letting him down and opening up the bathroom with the litterbox in it for him all the time.  Pay attention, woman. 

While we’re on the MIL rant, I’ll keep going with two more stories. 

I’ve put Erp to sleep every night of her life except for when I was at the hospital delivering Aug.  We have a bedtime routine that I look forward to every day and one that I find to be an intimate experience that only we share.  One night that I’m putting her down, I come out to find the kitchen and dining room still a mess with Kevin and his mom sitting on the couch (she has Aug in her arms so she gets a pass).  But I’m frustrated and start to clean.  At one point I look up to ask if MIL can turn on the monitor (that I know was turned off before I went in to start bedtime) and I see she’s looking at it watching Erp.  I ask her if that means she watched us while we were in there.  She replied that she had.  I reply, “Great.” Drop what I’m washing in the sink and run upstairs slamming the door shut behind me.  I go to pump and cool off.  I come downstairs 40 minutes later to tell her I overreacted but also that I felt she had invaded our privacy.  She tells me, through tears, that it reminded her of her time with Kevin when he was a baby.  I get it, but still.  Kevin said had he known she was watching he would have told her to stop since I made it VERY clear to him early on in Erp’s life that I don’t like being watched on the monitor when I’m in there with her.  I guess I should have told her about my preference in advance but I never thought I’d need to spell it out like that.  

For the last week she was here, she had Chicago Med on the TV constantly, at relatively loud volume.  Please note that we never ever ever have the TV on at our house unless we’re actively watching something, and if that happens it’s 99% of the time just me watching and I do it for an hour at night when everyone is asleep.  If we need background noise, music is playing.  She would just sit on the couch and watch her show talking about gunshots, premature birth, and whatever kind of medical drama while my kids are running around.  I’m sorry, but I thought you were here to connect with your grandkids?  So while she sat on the couch, I would engage and play with Erp for hours.  Cool cool cool.  

Please note that despite all this she’s a lovely woman and a great grandmother and mother and MIL.  I came into her visit already dreading more company, and I’m sure I’m still surging with hormones from the pregnancy (right? or am I just this way always now?).  All this to say that I was not begging her to stay and getting used to taking care of both kids on my own wasn’t that hard since I’d basically been doing it during her entire visit. 

Okay, let’s take a breather and talk about other things. 

Do you remember the 21st night of September? I DO because my 6 week old slept 12 straight hours! GLORIOUS. 

After finishing listening to Billy Summers (loved it!) I decided to undertake Stephen King’s hefty novel, The Stand.  I’d been scared to attempt it ever since I read 100 pages of it in 9th grade before deciding to pick it up again later.  I guess 23 years later did the trick because I’m thoroughly enjoying it!  I’ve learned that audiobooks are the only way I can get through any material lately.  It makes me want to go out on walks and take drives so I can listen to MoAr!  I’m already 10 hours into the 48 hour novel.  Although, I gotta say, it certainly feels strange to read about a deadly pandemic (written in 1978) during this current pandemic.  

After two months since I initially contacted the nearby school/daycare, I finally followed up to get Erp on a waitlist.  There are six kids ahead of her.   We took a tour on Friday and I want her to get in so so badly, hopefully before we move in June!  It would be such a great place for her to socialize and learn!

If any of the above isn’t telling, my hormones are all over the place. I know this because my face has decided to rage in all the redness and acne. So fun! 

Thanks to getting my house back, I’ve been able to establish a routine for us which includes going on stroller walks every day with the girls!  We’ve already made it over 37 miles this month!  Loving the outside time and knowing I’m working hard at my weight loss efforts.  

Despite being on maternity leave, this past Friday I was invited to participate in an EA (virtual) offsite with my team at work!  It was great to be able to see everyone again!  At the end we participated in a cooking class where they mailed me a box of all the ingredients to cook a NY Strip Steak and Corn Succotash! Deeeelicious! 

Given Erp’s increasing interest and ability at walking, I attempted a walk with her the other day, sans stroller!  I wore Aug in a wrap on my chest and held Erp’s hand as we walked around the neighborhood. We walked a good 1/4 of a mile!  Everything was fine until we made it back to our walkway and she refused to climb up the step to head back inside.  Like, laid flat on the ground refusal.  Since Aug was on me I couldn’t really just grab Erp and muscle her back inside.  She wouldn’t listen to any request of mine to go inside so we had a power struggle of what felt like 15 minutes but I’m sure was closer to 5.  She would try to crawl around my feet (into the bushes even to get around me), and any time I tried to lift her up she’d pull herself to the ground crying.  Eventually I tucked Aug’s flopping head into the fabric of the wrap so I could lean down and grab my tantruming child and carry her inside.  I want to be able to keep up with these excursions but not sure how to do so if she continues to rebel like this.  Like, if she did this farther from home we’d be up a creek.  Hopefully she’ll improve in time? 

OKAY! Hopefully we can now get back to our regularly scheduled blogging so a massive update like this won’t be necessary again :)  Thanks for taking time out of your day to catch up with me!

[deeisace]

Okay, 1. I forgot what a good film School of Rock is, and 2. Who the fuck made Wednesdays a day I have to get up at 5am, oh god

Also the ASM is gonna be a dick about me taking today off cs I'm sick, I just fuckin know it

Every time someone's been off sick he goes on rants about how they're lying to get a day off (or smth like, oh, isn't it a coincidence that today's really busy in store and the student who has mental deadlines took a day off - like, fuck, idk, maybe, but you don't have to be a twat every second of your life, do you? Maybe he does, idk. Seems like it), and his mother never took a day off from the post office in 40 years and the store should come first and we've been left in the lurch and blah blah blah

Maybe we have been "left in the lurch", but it's one day out of literally a thousand, but y'know we aren't all your mother, and people are fucking entitled to call in sick?! People shouldn't have to work when they're sick! Idk laws, but there's definitely laws

For how much longer, idk, but there's definitely laws

Also, people are allowed to have an actual life, y'know - just cs you are somehow proud of working 50 hours a week - which you also shouldn't have to do, by the way, working yourself to death isn't something to be proud of - dun mean that everyone else has to go by your impossible fuckin "million pound store" standards

Also I hate his stupid slogans

I do not care how much money the store makes, it goes to whoever the fucking CEO is since the last guy got kicked out for embezzling, not me - I'm not going to "smash it", either, I'm going to stand here security bugging t-shirts until I am allowed to go home, and don't fucking get on at me about how I'm yawning too much, I get enough of that from the horrid fucking old men customers

Also he calls us "staff" all the time, there's like five of us (there's not, but still), there's no fucking need

Also whenever some customer says like, oh you're not Scouse, he always replies in the exact same way, "I'm a London boy, me" - which like, I'm autistic, I know a script, but fuck me I just hate everything about this petty little man, I'm sorry. How can you be that proud of being a Millwall supporter? Oh, "we're not all the same", nah, you mightn't be a violent thug, that I know of, but you're sure as fuck a sanctimonious little cunt tryna lord your horrid self over everyone else - mightn't be violence, but it's not fuckin nice either

Anyway. Fuck.

Oh thank fuck I don't have to open with him tomorrow

Just the wet-noodle muppet of a manager who's somehow really fucking good at making me do extra days and stay late

He knows I have no backbone in person so he just waits until it's an hour before my shift ends and goes "really sorry, it's really busy, can you stay til close? Please it would really help"

The one time I said no, literally the one time in over 4 years, he asked again like half an hour later with an extra-pathetic noodle-y pleeease we haven't got anyone else

Like that's your fucking fault, dipshit, you fucking hired everyone. Hire someone who's not a fucking student, please, I swear it won't kill you. Y'know what else won't fucking kill you, having enough people on staff that it's not the end of the fucking world somehow if someone calls in sick. Lean staffing or whatever it's called is the worst, what fuckwit came up with all this awful shit and how can we stop it, please

But of course I said yes, because I always say yes

Tomorrow I'm rota'd til 4 and I'm leaving at 4, I swear to god

[spenciegoob]

11 Minutes

A/N: Hi this is lovely based on the song 11 Minutes by Yungblud featuring Halsey, so if you’ve heard that song before, man I’m really sorry for this one. If you haven’t... man I’m really really sorry for this one. Also yes this is really short I’m sorry.

Couple: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral!Reader

Category: Fluff/Angst

Content Warning: death of a major character, car accident, therapy

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.4K

____

“Spencer, the last two times that I’ve seen you, we’ve sat in silence,” the doctor pointed out, obviously annoyed that her patient, who ironically enough had more PhDs, was wasting their time. “I know it’s hard to start, but the best place to, is from the beginning.”

“Y/N. Their name was Y/N.” This was the first time Doctor Fredricks heard Spencer say anything besides their usual before meeting greetings, and after meetings scheduling. “I heard it all, you know?”

“Heard what, Spencer?”

“Everything.”

“Spencer, I promise you I am getting in the car now. You’ll get to see me in 15 minutes,” you laughed into the phone at your very impatient boyfriend.

“Actually, I’ll see you in 17 minutes and 42 seconds give or take traffic patterns and how awful your first attempt at parking is.” It had been exactly 9 days 7 hours 24 minutes and 43 seconds since you last saw Spencer, and he wasn’t the one counting down by the second this time. 

“Hey!” You barked right back. You weren’t the greatest parker in the world, but there was no need to mention it. “I could walk and skip the parking altogether.”

“No,” he whined, growing more impatient by the second. “That’ll take you an hour, and it’s been enough time since I got to see you. Please love bug, I take back the parking comment.”

“Alright, alright, alright. You’re getting off the hook...” you said as you put the key in the engine, but before you turned the car on, you mumbled, “this time.”

“I heard that!” You couldn’t stop the guilty giggle from escaping your throat and into the speaker of the phone. “Did I just hear your car turn on? I’m hanging u-”

“No, sh. I’m putting you on speaker. Don’t worry, doctor. I’m not on my phone while driving.” Of course Spencer would be nervous about you being distracted by anything while driving, he had the statistics lodged in his brain about car accident deaths.

“Did you know that roughly 1.35 mi-”

“Million people in the US die on the road with an average of 3,700 per day? How could I forget?” You cut him off, hearing this rant every time you went to change the station on your car radio.

“You’re on speaker, and I’ve been driving for 2 minutes already. I think I’ll be fine for the next 15, I promise.” You both knew it was ridiculous to stay on the phone as you headed over to his apartment. It was like the two of you couldn’t wait another second without the other, and thankfully modern technology granted you both that.

“It’s dangerous, love bug, and you know it.” Spencer just would not give up, would he? You’ve had your license for over a decade, and yet he held onto the handle next to his window as if he was your mother teaching you to drive for the first time whenever he was in the car with you. “Plus you speed.”

“What can I say? I like to live on the danger side. Plus do you really want to talk about car deaths, or can I yell at you for insulting my driving TWICE now,” you joked, feigning offense to Spencer’s truthful mean comments about your driving.

“I would much rather talk about how much I missed you,” he sweet-talked to you. While it was cute and all, you knew it was just so you would immediately forget about his little backhand driving comments.

“I missed you, too, my love.” Of course it worked. It was Spencer Goddamn Reid.

“How much longer?” The tone of a little boy in a candy shop whose parents just said no to pounds of sugar returned. You smiled and shook your head to yourself.

“According to maps, 13 minutes.” You let your mind wander as you stared out into the road ahead of you. How did you get so lucky with Spencer?

The day you two reached for the same book in a small library that was almost hidden to the street outside was the best day of your life. You and Spencer talked for hours about Emily Dickinson, other authors, composers and personal lives. It felt natural to spend time with him, and if you could, you’d spend every waking moment with him. That day, you hadn't even realized that 5 hours had passed, nor did you realize you never asked for his name in that amount of time.

“Don’t speed, but hurry up...please.”

“Spencer, how am I supposed to do those things at once?” The light turned red before you could run it, adding at least another 30 seconds before you got to see him.

“I’m 11 minutes away. The lights in this city just su-” You never got to finish your sentence, because the car behind you forgot to stop.

Your head shot forward, hitting the top of the steering wheel as your car and the pick up truck coming at you at 40 miles an hour made impact. Your car had involuntarily skidded in the middle of the intersection. Thankfully, however, it wasn’t a busy one.

“Y/N! Y/N, are you okay?!” You hadn’t registered Spencer’s insistent yelling through the speaker in your phone until the ringing in your eyes subsided to a small dull.

“Y-Yeah,” you croaked out. “Some ass just hit me from behind.”

That’s when you looked to the left of you.

They say when people die, they see a white light at the end of a tunnel, but you saw two. You saw two headlights coming in your direction at a speed that you knew was impossible to stop. The weight the truck carried along with the amount of force used to halt the tires in their place made it so that the driver had no choice.

“You know I love you, Spencer. I love you so much.” You stared death in the eyes, it coming in the form of yellow lights and a blaring horn you knew Spencer could hear on the other end.

“Y/N, I-”

“I never got the chance to actually say it back.” Spencer finished recollecting your death, something he only did in the comfort of his home, alone with nothing but the silent sobs that raked through his body.

“Spencer, you don’t have to tell me for me to know that you blame yourself,” Dr. Fredricks spoke calmly, too calm for Spencer’s liking. He had just told her about the worst moment of his life, and she still held the same tone as if she was saying see you next week.

“How could I not?” He started to get more upset by the second, his voice rising in volume and his body leaning forward. “How do I sit here, and not blame myself? I called them that day. I was the one that rushed them. Me, no one else, but me!”

“Were you driving either cars that hit them?” Spencer knew what she was doing. Dr. Fredricks was trying to get him to admit it wasn’t his fault, so instead of giving in, he stayed silent. She sighed before continuing.

“You need closure, Spencer. The wound is still so fresh that it will never start to heal if you don’t let it.” At this, Spencer sat back and fiddled with his fingers.

She was right. He needed to start healing instead of ripping the wound farther across this heart, cutting deeper each time.

“That’s all the time we have for today. You’ve made great progress this week, and I hope that we can follow that pattern next week as well.” Spencer smiled down at his therapist as he stood up to walk out.

“Oh, and Spencer,” Dr. Fredrick called out. He stopped and turned, expecting a reminder he didn’t need for next week’s time.

“Their last words were I love you. Don’t ever forget they meant it.”

Spencer finally let a tear run down his cheek, the first time he cried in front of anyone after your death.

He nodded before walking out onto the busy DC street. As he was walking, Spencer took out his phone, flipping it between hands, contemplating his next move.

‘Closure, Spencer. You need closure.’ He kept repeating in his mind.

Finding a bench, he sat down to search his contacts for the one name he couldn’t bring himself to delete.

Before Spencer could rethink his next move, he made it, pressing the call button. The phone didn’t even ring, it just went straight to voicemail.

‘Hey! Sorry I missed you, I’m probably asleep. Leave a message, but I can’t promise I’ll listen to it. Bye!’

“Hey, love bug.”

____

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