#sorry for just ending abruptly

[isagrimorie]

We’re just a few hours before episode 50 and its nearly midnight* where I am and I’m feeling restless enough with worry that I just wanted to articulate my thoughts, for the past two weeks I’ve been watching earlier episodes of Campaign 3, and before then I don’t think I’ve noticed how Imogen really is tormented, and its because I think Imogen tries to downplay how much being around people affects her.

(* I’m very sleepy so I apologize if this is incoherent!).

In the last two years traveling with Laudna seems to have helped strengthen her mind shielding. But Imogen’s powers are terrible and isolating, and she has mentioned dropped more than one hint that she suicidal thoughts.

I won’t be surprised if Imogen was just as touch starved as Laudna before they met. And going through this, I realize that Imogen pre-Laudna might have been on her way to becoming how debilitated Buffy was when she got the mind reading powers in Earshot, especially considering how her powers just keeps growing and how frightened and confused she was with everything happening to her.

In the above scene Giles learns the other person who has the ability to mind read had to isolate themselves far away from civilization just to stay sane.

And the way Buffy gets overwhelmed is how I imagine Imogen dealing with her mind powers the first time they manifested. At first it was fun and then it started to get worse as more and more voices entered her mind.

Because apparently even in Exandria, especially if they’re far away enough from cities, magic users are still dealt with some suspicion.

Imogen seemed to have put Liliana on a pedestal and idealized Liliana. The certainty she based her life on was that her mother was the best especially given the distance Relvin has put between himself and Imogen.

Imogen then gets a one-two combo, pushing Imogen off center: Learning Liliana is alive and willingly working with the enemy must have rocked Imogen’s world. Personally, I feel Imogen questioning if they were on the right path felt natural because of the aforementioned body blows but also it feels like Imogen was processing out loud, working through her thoughts. In a strange way this reminds me of the moment in Grey’s Anatomy where Cristina and Bailey had a heart to heart about having a baby in the midst of their careers. I know its not an apple to oranges thing but it was what Bailey said that made me go… oh.

About how Bailey and her husband tried to have a baby for years and yet when she realized she was pregnant that she can’t work the hours she worked and the career she wanted to have and not take pause.

And Bailey took a pause for a very long time.

I know the scope and scale is different from the Apogee Solstice and a typical Grey’s Anatomy episode but I think, in a way, this was similar in mechanism to what Bailey did. She took a pause to process everything she thought about and the carrot Liliana dangled in front of her, except Imogen’s process is talking things out. Get it out of her head.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it Orym was there and before she could even work through her thoughts, about what she saw and experienced, Imogen processing is shut down.

Of course Ludinus and rest of the Vanguard are evil, of course!

But god killing beings are also too nebulous a concept and the world Liliana showed Imogen was tantalizing— living pain free and alone in her head.

The dream world is how Liliana and possibly many Exaltant Ruidus born fell prey to the Ruby Vanguard propaganda. Isolated, alone, looking for answers and a purpose.

(Another thing most of Bells Hells share with each other, the desire to have purpose and meaning).

So, while shutting down the line of doubt and questioning is a good thing it still left Imogen bereft. And now she’s also left with a sense of just doubting might mean she was evil.

And through all this I do like Laudna was a silent observer except for the one question where Laudna asked: “Why do you need to be convinced?”and Imogen threw a hurt but also annoyed glance at Laudna and answered in the negative.

But also, Imogen sought Laudna out and they finally had a talk and honestly I do think out of everyone, even without their bond Laudna was the perfect person to talk to because she approached their conversation without judgment.

Apart from the romantic overtones, Laudna’s walked a similar path Imogen is considering walking: The What If I give in, what if its not all bad? It’s also not the first time they had a conversation where Laudna commiserated with Imogen about something that was potentially dark. Before Delilah derailed their conversation in episode 23, what Laudna said struck a chord:

LAUDNA: You know I can understand this feeling quite a bit, actually. →

IMOGEN Really? →

LAUDNA A false sense of security and power from an ungodly source. → That doesn’t… → You don’t have the control.

[SNIP]

It can be intoxicating, borrowing from a power beyond you. → Just be careful of the moments that you can no longer separate yourself from it. →

And of course, in episode 50, Laudna reminds

LAUDNA: We still have the chance to live a normal life. If you wish to have a quiet life in a cozy cottage in a field, raise horses, and just be. No gods or fates or destiny can keep you from that. Can keep us from that. The gods have never kept us from our ability to have choice.

[SNIP]

And you don’t have to make these choices alone.

And that’s the crux isn’t it? Concept of choice and also the reminder that Imogen isn’t alone.

Imogen maybe similar to Liliana in a lot of ways but she’s also different from Liliana in very definitive ways: Imogen has friends, and Imogen has Laudna.

Imogen saying: “You have to love it all.” Feels like an underrated breakthrough.

Imogen learned to love the weird and everything that comes with being born different.

Because after everything, after all the pain and heartbreak that came with her powers, at this point, I don’t think Imogen truly wants to give up her powers, when having her powers led to meeting Laudna.

(But also, Bells Hells truly are the X-Men/Doom Patrol team, huh?)

I don’t have a sense that Liliana ever learned to love her powers, nor embrace the weird. Instead Liliana chose to leave her family behind and stay out of contact. And its just so easy for a group like the Ruby Vanguard to swoop Liliana up.

Imogen chose to leave Gelvaan with Laudna and formed new attachments and friends. And having friends too is a super power all on its own.

[brackenfur]

okay so i kind of.......wrote a lot more than i really intended to, but long story short - years ago i had this headcanon/au of sorts that birchpaw/fall saw ashfur and hawkfrost at the lake together, standing over firestar. mostly because when you squint at that whole sequence it kinda doesnt add up in canon, but its not canon that birchfall saw anything - it's just me taking this what if scenario and expanding on a side character

anyways this was kinda a quick project so its not perfect buuuuuut i wrote something so ! enjoy :)

birchpaw is back at camp doing everything he can to avoid the worried looks of his clanmates when his mentor stops him.

"hey, birchpaw," the fur on the back of birchpaw's neck stands up, and he slowly turns to the other tomcat. "are you okay?"

birchpaw does the best he can to keep the nervousness out of his voice as he answers: "i'm fine, ashfur. really. i- uh, i mean, i really just wish i had...been faster, that i had..."

he can't look at ashfur's face. not now, maybe not ever again. he knows that as soon as he meets his eyes, he won't be able to stop asking questions:

what were you doing with a riverclan cat? why didn't you help firestar? did the other cat threaten you? did you-

"you did the best you could, birchpaw," ashfur tells him gently; he pauses, flicking his tail-tip, before murmuring: "come on, let's go over to the apprentice's den to talk. i can tell you're shaken up."

and you're not, birchpaw wants to say, but he's a coward. this is his uncle, his mother's twin, and he doesn't really know what he saw, anyways. maybe ashfur had been standing there, sure. and maybe firestar had been clearly injured, clearly dying - well, ashfur isn't a medicine cat. he couldn't have known that, even if birchpaw had been making a lucky guess. but maybe hawkfrost threatened him, or maybe he lied to him-

you don't believe that at all, he thinks.

but he follows his uncle all the same to the apprentice's den; whitepaw is comforting her father at the medicine cat den while leafpool treats firestar's wound. no one is around - they're all either out searching the territory to make sure hawkfrost didn't have any accomplices, or with firestar's family on the other side of camp.

"you did the best you could to get help as soon as possible, birchpaw," ashfur tells him softly; birchpaw is staring at the grass between his paws, not looking at the other tom. "everyone knows that. i'm sure firestar does, too."

"right."

"but i could scent your fear-scent," ashfur continues, "and it does seem like you didn't go straight back to camp after telling firestar about blackstar. why?"

birchpaw's whiskers quiver. he shouldn't be scared - if anything, ashfur should be worried. he's the one who didn't do enough to help.

but the look in ashfur's eyes. the blank, distant stare as he watched firestar gurgle at his paws.

even the badgers didn't look at sootfur like that after they killed him, birchpaw remembers.

"i....," birchpaw's voice wobbles. "i thought i scented another cat, and i was worried," he clears his throat, trying to stop the shakes, "about you. i thought- i thought maybe you were...in trouble, and i...."

ashfur is quiet for a long time; if birchpaw wasn't so scared - why should i be scared? he's my uncle and my mentor, he wouldn't....he'd never.... - he'd look up, joke with him. pretend like it's all a big joke.

but those eyes. that look. the sounds firestar was making.

"so you didn't go straight back to camp," ashfur says with a disappointed sigh, "and firestar lost a life."

birchpaw's heartbeat skips. his paws shake. "wait," he says, his voice becoming shrill. he doesn't want anyone else to hear, but- what ashfur's saying, it's not...that's not right. that's not how it went. "wait, i- i did go back, as fast as i could, and i told squirrelflight-"

"you waited to tell her, you mean," ashfur tells him, frowning. "and he lost a life because he lost too much blood."

"but i didn't....i'd never..."

"it probably wasn't your intention," ashfur murmurs. "but that's how it happened. what if it was his last life? firestar and i trusted you to do one simple task, and you couldn't do that. you can't even look your uncle in the eye when he's talking to you."

birchpaw quivers as he slowly lifts his eyes to look into his uncles. ashfur's dark blue eyes stare back at him, just as emotionless as they did hours before.

"that's better," ashfur tells him, but it doesn't feel better. all of this is wrong.

"i was just trying to help," birchpaw whispers. "i didn't....i saw..."

"what did you see?" ashfur asks him, with a tone that birchpaw's never heard him use before: it's low, angry.

it's terrifying.

"um," birchpaw stutters. "i don't- i don't know. i don't know what i saw."

i saw you. i saw you and hawkfrost.

"if you don't even know what you saw," ashfur says slowly, "then maybe you shouldn't say anything. not to me, or to your mother. not to firestar."

birchpaw slowly lowers his gaze. how did today end up like this?

"you didn't see anything out there, birchpaw," ashfur continues. "you're an apprentice - you don't know your left paw from your right paw."

"okay."

ashfur stares at him for a long moment, sighing. "i'm not trying to scare you, birchpaw," he murmurs, "but i don't want you to get in trouble for firestar losing his life. sometimes we make mistakes; i don't want this one to be the defining moment of your apprenticehood."

shame burns through birchpaw - shame that he can't stand up to his uncle and tell him that this is all wrong.

but more shame that there's a part of him, deep down, that knows ashfur is right. if birchpaw had been quick enough, firestar wouldn't have lost a life. hawkfrost would've been stopped quicker.

and maybe....maybe ashfur was just trying to help firestar. maybe in some way, he's embarrassed because he couldn't help him, either. is that what this is about? trying to save face, because brambleclaw once again saved the day when ashfur couldn't?

"i want to be a good apprentice."

"and i'll help you do that," ashfur tells him, his voice becoming warmer. "and we'll start by making sure that today stays behind us, forever. okay?"

"okay."

it doesn't feel okay.

--

the rest of his apprenticeship goes by largely uneventfully. ashfur isn't exactly the same as before he and squirrelflight drifted apart, but he never speaks to birchpaw the way that he did the day firestar was injured.

he becomes a warrior by the name of birchfall. he makes friends, falls into an easy routine. he even still spends time with his uncle - with each passing day, the events from that afternoon become a faded memory. sometimes it plays out differently in his mind - there's days where he thinks he did see ashfur try and help firestar. where he heard him tell hawkfrost to go away.

(and maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought it was back then if the memory keeps changing. if it really was so awful, wouldn't it be the same? was he just trying to make ashfur out to be a bad cat?)

everything in thunderclan is mostly calm, until ashfur gets lionpaw as an apprentice.

he's heard cats joke about being jealous when their old mentor gets another apprentice - how it's weird, seeing the cat who taught you everything teaching someone else the same things, telling the same jokes.

he's still ashfur's nephew, so he knows that his former mentor still holds a special place in his heart for him - but it's not exactly that jealousy that other cats talk about that he feels towards lionpaw.

he feels...strange, seeing them together; there's this weird fluttering feeling he gets when he catches ashfur's expression as lionpaw walks away from him.

sometimes he can hear a voice in the back of his mind, screaming at him to go and get between the two of them. to protect lionpaw.

but ashfur....well, it's ashfur. outside of that one afternoon moons before, he's a normal warrior. he wouldn't...

so birchfall does what he did over a year prior; he buries the feelings. he can't trust his eyes - that's what ashfur told him before. he doesn't know his left paw from his right paw.

(except that he's a warrior now, and a damn good one, so why-)

that changes one day, when the talk of thunderclan is how lionpaw and ashfur got into this huge fight - claws drawn, teeth bared. ashfur scratched up pretty badly, spiderleg had told him, shaking his head.

i knew that was going to happen, he's not a medicine cat or particularly gifted, but he knew. he knew, he knew, he knew, he knew.

i knew he was going to hurt him, birchfall watches as lionpaw trudges into camp, surprisingly fine physcially - ashfur is the one with the injuries, blood dripping on the camp floor as he trudges to leafpool's den.

lionpaw is standing there after all is said and done, after cats talk to him to ask him if he's okay. standing there in the center of camp, alone.

birchfall is only foxlengths from him, watching, and the thought slips into his mind easily: i should tell him that i know what ashfur is really like. that i saw the same look in his eyes that he probably saw. that he watched firestar die inches from his paws and did nothing to help him.

he almost does it, too. the memories from that day come back, flooding his vision - ashfur's dark expression. the white flash of hawkfrost's teeth. firestar's gurgles.

i'm so sorry, firestar.

"why are you staring at me?"

birchfall snaps out of it quickly; lionpaw is staring at him, amber eyes narrowed.

"what?" birchfall blinks. "i wasn't staring at you."

"yeah, you were," lionpaw tells him, shaking his head. "weirdo." lionpaw hisses under his breath.

and before birchfall can say anything, do anything, hollypaw and cinderpaw bound up to him to talk to him, stealing the moment away.

birchfall watches the apprentices for a couple more seconds before he turns away.

he didn't see anything that day. it's his fault that firestar lost a life, anyways. that's all anyone would be able to see - firestar is one pawstep closer to being gone forever because of him.

--

birchfall keeps his word for the moons to come; lionblaze becomes a warrior with hollyleaf and cinderheart. whitewing - his longest friend, the molly who withheld her warrior ceremony for him, just so he wouldn't be alone,

(and was there for him on the nights when all he dreamt of was the lakeshore, never asking him what woke him up shaking)

well, they become closer and closer until they're not really just friends anymore, and one morning she bounds up to him to tell him that she's carrying his kits. that leafpool had just told her moments before, and she couldn't wait to find him.

and it finally feels like maybe birchfall is at peace - maybe starclan isn't angry with him after all. maybe that one thing that birchfall didn't do years ago - it'll be okay. firestar is alive and happy, with grandchildren now.

the fire rages through thunderclan not long after, but thankfully there's no casualities - he grew up hearing the stories of the one from years ago, back in the old territory before he was born, and he's glad that everyone was okay this time.

well.

he heard berrynose say that everyone had been looking for squirrelflight, her kits, and ashfur for awhile - that ashfur had turned up, laughing. he wouldn't say what was so funny, though.

he didn't think much of it, until he saw the way ashfur was acting after the fire. the way he leered after squirrelflight and her kits; hollyleaf's eyes glaring back in defiance, lionblaze's hackles raised, jayfeather's avoidance.

i don't want any part in this, he thinks, focusing on whitewing and their future together. i didn't see anything. i don't know anything. ashfur isn't dangerous.

he repeats the mantra more often than he'd like; at night, he dreams of the lakeshore for the first time in years and wakes up shuddering against spiderleg's side. his older brother shakes him off, confused, but birchfall can't meet his gaze, or anyone elses.

i didn't see anything. i didn't see anything. i didn't-

and then just like that, one day ashfur is found dead on their territory.

someone said that a patrol found him in a river, throat torn out.

it doesn't feel real to birchfall until he sees his uncles body laid out in the center of camp, with ferncloud's muzzle pressed into his fur.

that's my uncle, he thinks as he watches spiderleg lead icepaw and foxpaw to their mother, trying to comfort her. he was my mentor.

you don't know what you saw. it's ashfur's voice, clear as day in his mind as he watches his clanmates gather around the tomcat. you don't know your left paw from your right paw. you're just an apprentice; how can anyone trust you after what you did?

firestar walks over to ferncloud and dustpelt, murmuring a few kind words to them. birchfall can hear his leader's voice carrying over the wind, mentioning something about dogs, about bravery.

he watched you lose a life, birchfall wants to scream, but he can't move. he stood there and watched you gargle for breath and did nothing.

birchfall shuts his eyes. no. no, it was because of me, because i decided to take too long to go back to camp, his mind can't decide what's right or wrong. it's my fault, that's what....that's what ashfur says, and...and now he's dead, so....

"birchfall," whitewing's voice is soft; he jolts, eyes wide as he looks at his mate. she leans against him, whiskers drooping. "this is so sad. i mean....ashfur, i just- i just talked to him yesterday. he was asking me about the kits, if i was feeling okay..."

you wouldn't want to be with me if you knew what i did, ashfur had never threatened him after that day, but birchfall knew that was what his uncle was conveying to him every time they talked after that day. that he could tell everyone, and everyone would know it was birchfall's fault that firestar lost a life.

or....or wait, maybe that wasn't right. not anymore.

maybe he should blame himself for not saying anything all these years. he could've told firestar and had ashfur punished, and he didn't.

the realization burns deep in his chest; he can barely register what whitewing is saying.

ashfur knew that if you said something, any cat could probably figure out that something about his story didn't add up, birchfall thinks, his heart thudding. and you were just too stupid to realize you could have said something years ago.

"birchfall?" whitewing says, frowning. "hey, birchfall. are you okay?"

birchfall's fur raises. "i'm okay," he tells her, taking a deep breath. "all things....you know, considering, i..." he shakes his head. "i'm gonna get some air, okay?"

whitewing touches her nose to his. "i'm here, you know that, right? i've been here for you since we were 'paws."

that stings more. i could have told you years ago, birchfall touches his nose back to hers, and turns away. i can't say anything now. she'd never trust me again, i kept this secret from everyone because i was too scared of my uncle. and now he's dead, and now....

birchfall resigns himself not to think about it anymore. he can't.

he can't. he won't.

--

after his daughters are born, birchfall wants this to be his new purpose in life.

forget about the lakeshore. the foxtrap. hawkfrost. ashfur. firestar is fine now; thunderclan is fine. sure, maybe there's been some earth-shattering secrets that have been revealed, but- all in all, they're mostly fine.

ivypaw and dovepaw mean the world to him; he can't imagine being without them.

he looks at them and wants to do right by them; they'll never know the fear he's carried for all this time, the same.

he'll teach them to say something if they see something; to be outspoken, brave.

but he can barely keep his head above water; it started when he met a cat from the dark forest one night. who promised him that he could make up for the mistake he made years ago; that he could do right by firestar. by thunderclan.

he trains every night but it doesn't make the shame go away. it won't scrub off after he bathes himself. nothing works.

it's not until the wall is lifted over his eyes - after his daughter, ivypool, a warrior grown - tells him what the true intention of the dark forest was.

all the moons he spent there, training, trying to prove that he could make up for what he did - gone.

and after the battle with the dark forest, both his mother and firestar are dead - killed by the cats that birchfall wanted to impress. wanted to show that he could be better, that he could be stronger.

how did everything go so wrong? he thinks as he watches his father crouched over his mother. dustpelt won't even look at him; he doesn't know about firestar, but he knows about the dark forest. and he hates him - despises him for training with the cats who are responsible for ferncloud's death.

he's right.

"birchfall," whitewing's voice jolts him out of his thoughts. "please. i want to talk."

it was inevitable - he knows that it's over between them at this point. he follows her out of camp regardless, deep into the territory. there's birds in the trees, chirping quietly amongst themselves, and everything is in bloom, yet nothing is beautiful to him at this moment.

whitewing turns to face him, her green eyes sad. "can you just tell me why?"

birchfal looks down at his paws, just like he did years before when ashfur told him to keep quiet.

"i'm sorry," he tells her, and she scoffs.

"i'm sorry isn't an explanation," she meows. "just....why, birchfall? why would you train with cats like that? and why- our daughter was there too, why wouldn't you try and convince her not to? what's wrong with you?"

i'm a coward.

"that's still not an answer," he hadn't realized he said it aloud. he finally looks up at his mate - probably soon to be ex-mate. "you need to talk to me. you're not a 'paw anymore."

and for some reason that burns more than anything else.

you're not a 'paw. you should have said something. you should have told everyone what you saw. and you didn't. it's your fault. all your fault. everything-

"i need to tell you something," he finally says; the story is bubbling at the surface. ashfur is long dead. firestar is dead. his family hates him. whitewing is going to leave him anyway; what else does he have to lose? brambleclaw might exile him, might not; he might not care what birchfall does.

whitewing is silent; birchfall opens and shuts his mouth a few times, trying to find the words, until he meows:

"i saw what happened to firestar on the lakeshore, that day when hawkfrost from riverclan died."

whitewing frowns; she looks taken aback, and blinks a few times.

"i....ashfur...he told me that he scented blackstar on our territory," the memory comes back hazy at first, but starts to clear as he goes on: "he said to tell firestar about it. i did, but....a few minutes later when i was heading back, i could scent another cat. and i remembered ashfur was out there, and i was worried for him, so i followed him and the other cat so i could protect him. and..."

the gurgling. the look on ashfur's eyes. the sound of the water lapping at the shore.

"ashfur was standing with hawkfrost over firestar's body. he was caught in the foxtrap and....ashfur, he...." birchfall shuts his eyes. "you should've seen how he looked. he didn't care at all that firestar was dying. i ran away, i didn't....i didn't know what to do. i thought maybe i didn't see anything at all, so i just told squirrelflight what ashfur had said about blackstar when i saw her. i thought....i thought maybe if she caught ashfur and hawkfrost, it'd....she'd know what to do, more than i would....."

birchfall stares at his paws. "when i got back to camp and brambleclaw had killed hawkfrost, ashfur told me....he said i didn't see anything, and it was easier to pretend i didn't see anything. and he was...he was right - i should've just gone back to camp right away. i should've just done the right thing, not been a stupid 'paw. i should've...it's my fault that firestar lost a life. he'd still be here right now if i just had listened back then, 'cus he'd have an extra life, and..."

birchfall trails off, shaking. "so that's...that's why i wanted to train at the dark forest. because i let firestar down. because i didn't say anything all these years, and i should've....i mean, what if ashfur had hurt someone else? and i just sat there and let it happen."

it takes him a moment after everything spills out to realize that whitewing is very quiet; he finally looks up at his mate.

she looks so sad watching him; and there's a bit of anger in there, too.

"he threatened you?" whitewing finally says; birchfall winces.

"i don't....maybe, it doesn't really matter."

"you were his apprentice and his nephew," whitewing tells him firmly. "of course it matters. he knew he was manipulating you, and that you just wanted to please him, so you'd do anything to make sure you wouldn't make trouble."

whitewing's tail lashes, and she shakes his head. "that- i can't believe he did that to you, that he made you think...."

"whitewing, it's-"

"it's not your fault, birchfall," her voice is gentle, yet he can tell she's holding back so much rage, rage for ashfur, pain for firestar's death. "if you really think for one second that you have anything to do with firestar laying in that clearing right now, you're completely wrong. that was tigerstar, first of all, and ashfur's fault years ago."

"but-"

"you went to help your mentor, and you were intimidated into keeping this a secret," she tells him, stepping closer. "and now you think that because you didn't say anything, that that's worse than what he did."

"i should have said something," birchfall tells her, harsher than he means to. "i mean - for starclan's sake, whitewing, i- i saw, and i didn't do anything. i'm no better than he is-"

"you are twice the cat that ashfur was," whitewing meows firmly. "and if i had even....if i saw him right now, i'd slash his ears for doing that to you."

whitewing shakes her head, looking at him. "all these years," she whispers, frowning, "all these years, and we- when you were in the apprentices den, having nightmares..."

"you couldn't have known," he mumbles. "i didn't tell you."

"and then....birchfall, i..." she presses her noses into his neck; birchfall is stiff from shock.

"i thought you were breaking up with me," he tells her, aghast; whitewing sucks in a breath, pulling away.

"what?"

"why not? after the dark forest, all of this...."

"i'm disappointed in you for training with the dark forest," she tells him softly. "but your mother is dead, and you....you've been holding this in for years, birchfall. i can put off asking you about the dark forest for awhile; i.....i didn't know. all these years, and i had no idea you were punishing yourself for ashfur's crimes."

when she puts it like that, a small - a tiny one, really, nothing huge - light begins to flick in his mind.

i've been punishing myself, he thinks, and it strangely makes a lot of sense - thinking about the lake all these years has felt like punishment. refusing to get close to firestar out of shame was his way of punishing himself, telling himself what he did was wrong.

"i don't know if i can tell anyone else," birchfall tells her in a whisper; whitewing nods, brushing her muzzle against his.

"that's okay," she meows, "because now i know, and now i can shoulder it with you."

"it's not a very romantic secret." he doesn't say it like a joke, but she still smiles a little.

"it's not," she shrugs. "but no one helped birchpaw back then; i'm here for you now."

[puppppppppy]

Dear Wormwood PART 1

(slight tw for bright color at the end)

[its-wabby-stuff]

So everyone’s been punching back for @somerandomdudelmao post. If you know, you know, and if you don’t where have you been? And I saw one of the reblog’s today of Casey and Donnie and it got the cogs in my brain running. So here is a potentially possible outcome for the future:

———————

Here’s the thing. Casey knew the fight was over. They had won and the Krang weren’t here anymore. Of course, the entire event hadn’t come without its own consequences. Most of downtown New York had been destroyed. People had been injured and people had died. The government had stepped in to take care of most of the tragedy. And the event itself made international news.

But Casey didn’t care about most of that. He wasn’t even sure what most of it meant, just the ramblings he heard from the family as they recovered. They hadn’t left the lair since that day. They couldn’t afford too. The city was in a state of panic, and all of them had sustained injuries, the worst of which being Leonardo.

He had been asleep for days. It was vital for recovery, Casey knew, but the whole thing made him incredibly nervous. Casey felt like a little kid again, sitting on a chair with his knees up to his chest, just watching him. Donatello rarely left Leo’s side either. His own injuries meant he needed attention, and with Leo out, he had the best medical expertise on the machines they’d hooked him up too. Casey often asked questions, which Donnie was eager to answer. That much was the same.

Casey had long since changed out of his resistance garb, being offered a variety of clothes from each of the boys. He never let go of his mask though. That was much too important to him. Gifts and reminders from all the people he loved most.

He was alone today. With Leo. Donatello had entrusted him with enough information for any sort of emergency. But it meant he was allowed to think. He fiddled with the mask in his hands, tracing the markings he had painted on and the scratches it had received out on the field. He let his legs fall into a cross-cross as he slipped the mask onto his face and turned it on. Uncle Tello had left many tidbits of information, recordings and plans for an eventual future where we had won. Not even in his wild imaginations could he have imagined that future in the past. And now there were a million things Casey wanted answered that weren’t saved on his Uncles little device. He had a favorite file, however. One he’d rewatched a million times before.

“Is it working?” He watched Uncle Tello tilt up the camera. Behind him were all the people he loved: Sensei Leonardo, Master Michelangelo, robotic Uncle Raph, Commander O’Niel, and himself.

“It may be older than us, but it still works,” Uncle Tello replied.

“The little red light is blinking right?” Master Michelangelo flew over, looking at the camera upside down with amazement. Uncle Tello pushed him outta the way.

“Despite its primitive nature, it seems to be completely intact. Nothing askew. It’s quite impressive. Great find, Casey Jones.”

Sensei scooped up the kid and ruffled his hair.

“There’s not much storage space left on the card, so we better make it short and sweet. How about a picture? For my archives.” Everybody gathered close together as the timer started counting down. “Everybody say: Genius Built Apparel rules!!”

The video stopped there. Paused on a picture of all of them together. Casey couldn’t help but let out a couple tears, hidden by the mask. It might have been the apocalypse, but it was familiar and comforting, and here, they had all been happy.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“Unc- Donatello!” Casey looked over, his view still obstructed by the photo paused on his screen. “No, no everything is fine, I was just-“ he pulled his mask off and wiped away whatever remnants of tears he had before he looked up at the turtle who had just entered the room. He didn’t have any of his tech on, using his wooden Bo staff to assist his walking, and his bandages had been covered by the presence of an oversized purple hoodie. Casey stared at him, “reliving old memories. Un- Donnie, are you feeling alright?” Casey stood up, panic ever present on the boys face.

Donnie just gave a perplexing look in response. “Are you?”

“I-“ The Krang are gone, Casey. This isn’t like when Uncle Tello got sick. This isn’t the same. There’s no way the Krang would’ve- could’ve. They couldn’t have. How would they? Tears fell down Casey’s face as he sat back down.

Donnie regretted asking the second he had. He wasn’t any good with this sort of stuff and he had clearly been crying before and now he was crying again. There was something on his mind. “I’ll go get Mikey-“

Casey grabbed Donnie’s hand, and his immediate response was to pull away, but he suppressed the urge when he felt how clammy Casey’s hands were, and how they shook just a little. “Uncle Tello, you- you aren’t going to die, are you?”

Donnie had never heard Casey call him that before. And he said it softly, and nervously, not even looking him in the eyes.

“You think a quarrel with an alien species is enough to get rid of me?”

Casey didn’t say anything. In fact what Donnie said didn’t seem to help the situation any at all. And Donnie was starting to put all the little pieces together. Something had happened to him in the future. Something not good.

“Casey, did something happen to me in the future? Did-“ he wasn’t sure if he should ask it but his curiosity took ahold of him, “did I die?”

Casey lurched forward and wrapped his arms around Donnie. Which was a surprising response, but all he needed to know the answer was yes. Despite how quickly it had happened, Casey was incredibly gentle about it. His hands still shook a little as he rested his head into Donnie’s chest.

Honestly, Donnie was a little upset by all this new information. He hadn’t survived the apocalypse, and he had been close to Casey Jones, who had to witness his death. He couldn’t imagine how crazy this entire week had been for Casey. Donnie still wasn’t sure what exactly caused this reaction from him, but slowly, he leaned down, grabbing around Casey’s back and hugging tightly.

Casey let out a breath and hugged tighter, absolutely collapsing, shaking incredibly and crying into Donnie’s favorite purple hoodie. Keep it together, the hoodie can always be washed. For once, Donnie didn’t need to wonder what to do, because this felt like enough. And no words needed to be said.

Only in Casey’s wildest dreams was he able to hug Uncle Tello again. He knew Donnie was never a big fan of physical affection but he’d always seemed to make an exception for him. Old or young, and for a minute it didn’t matter that this wasn’t the Donnie he knew. It didn’t matter that they were now the same age, or that Casey was actually taller. Or how he could feel Donnie loosening and trying to end it. No matter how long this moment was, it would never be long enough.

———————

Ahahaha. I don’t even know. Thanks for reading. Likes and Reblogs appreciated!!

[hivequest]

Sprite by @erifin, BG from Befriendus

You had felt your survival instincts had been getting better recently. Really, you did! You took roads that were at least known by trolls more often but still weren't too populated to lower the risks of running into any unsavory types. You didn't throw yourself headlong into every interaction with trolls who were very likely to kill you without at least pausing at the edge of the cliff and thinking "Well this might not be a good idea."

Really any progress was good progress! However, it wasn't enough for some of your friends. Either way, you're getting sidetracked.

The point is you're walking along a beach. Which!! You know isn't the smartest idea you've had but it's not like you didn't put ANY thought into it. You made sure to watch for a long time, checking and checking again to make sure there wasn't anyone hanging around. Not even just the land-dwelling trolls. You kept an eye out the horizon for a while, waiting to see any fishy types appear from the seafoam and bubbles.

Ha. Fishy types.

But there was no one. For a long way in any direction, there wasn't a soul in sight—no one to drag you down into hitherto unknown and dangerous watery depths.

So, you were strolling. It had been a long, long time since you were able to sink your toes in the sand. You knew this wasn't Earth but the sounds of the waves felt as familiar on this planet as they did back home. It felt… nice. Like for once, you were fully able to disconnect yourself from your friendventuring and recharge by doing something that was known to you. You enjoyed Tagora's spa days and lavish self-care but that wasn't something you could afford to do back home. You hated having to budget shit.

And this whole beach was completely abandoned! It was perfect!

You were so wrapped up in boosting your mental health and enjoying the quietude of being alone that you didn't realize that you weren't anymore…

Oh, fuck me.

There was absolutely someone behind you right now, wasn't there.

Trying not to flip the fuck out right away you continued your leisurely stroll, keeping your muscles purposefully untensed. The person, monster, whatever it was stayed right behind you. Its steps matched perfectly with your own to the point that you couldn't even hear it even though it was clearly right behind you.

Shit. Fuck. Piss.

How long had it been following you? How had it gotten so close to you without your human spacial awareness kicking in to say "Hey, Chucklefuck! Someone is creeping up behind you and is getting right up into your personal bubble!"?

You didn't know. And faking nonchalance was getting harder and harder. Why wouldn't it just do something? Kill the rising tension by killing you. Something, anything!

Make a move already!

You whip around to face your impending Bad End head-on when in a fraction of a second all of that fake bravado you just built up vanishes. Swept away by the waves as cold, icy reality stares you straight in the face.

You've crossed paths with seadwellers a few times. Never have they been pleasant experiences. This was worse. A lot worse.

The troll standing in front of you isn't unreasonably tall, but he's bigger than you. The fins and gills you would expect to see on a seadweller are there, obviously, but the thing that really seals the deal is his eyes. They're fuchsia. And staring right at you.

And he looks disgusted by what he sees.

Nothing in your quest for friends could have prepared you for this. Honestly, you were fine with purple bloods being the highest-ranked troll you got to bring into your friendship fold. You doubted being complicit with Polypa murdering a violet blood would do anything to endear you to them you get the distinct impression there's nothing you could say that would endear you to the troll standing in front of you. And he was fucking fuchsia. The top of the top. Part of the brutal climb for the seat of the empire.

"Why the fuck are you here?"

Ah, a very good question! You're right, you tell him. What are you doing here? You shake your head in dismay before trying to leave. You shouldn't be here, so you'll be on your way now!

"Take another step and you'll lose the privilege of having legs."

Yikes.

You choose then to stop and turn back around to look at the boy you just tried unsuccessfully to snub. He doesn't look impressed. He actually looks even more pissed than when you first dared to look at his face. Great! You love that for yourself.

"We asked you a question, you vaguely-shaped sea slug. You will answer Us."

We? Us? You peer around him to see if he has a posse of other fish trolls like that one group you ran into with Karako. But no, it's just him. So he's talking about himself in the third person. Cool. That's cool. And not at all making you feel like your guts have turned into worms from how much of a middle-school edgelord that makes him sound.

But wait. He's a prince, isn't he? Isn't there a royal "we" or something? Isn't that a thing? Huh. And you suppose this guy just takes way too far. Makes sense from what you would expect from someone at the top of the pyramid of the bullshit roles Alternia has.

Also, you still haven't answered this guy's question, Jesus Christ.

Well, you wanted to take a nice leisurely walk on the sand, take in the sights and sounds of the sea and this beach was completely empty so…

You give a little non-committal shrug. You hope the action will convey just how pure your intentions were and just how non-threatening you as an alien were.

His eyes narrow and he just looks more annoyed.

"No one was on the beach because this whole thing is Mine."

Oh, you were trespassing. Cool! Yeah, no wonder he wasn't happy to see you.

You apologize for bumbling your way onto his property. You'll leave if he wants you to. You want him to want you to.

"No. This isn't how this works. You strolled your way onto Our beach. You don't get to fuck off as you please. And either way…"

The moonlight catches on gold and you notice something glinting in his hands that you really should have seen before. He has a fucking trident.

"You're an alien."

This guy will kill you. You can tell that away away, he is not playing any games with you about that. You've been told several times by worried friends that you're cull-on-sight and crossing the path of any highblood who has anything less than the coldest of chills, someone would take your head. And you get the feeling that to a hot pink tyrant trying to prove his worth as a ruler to the powers that be, yours would make a good trophy.

Oh, boy. Now is the time to talk and talk fast.

You know from first-hand experience that just because a troll isn't friendly doesn't mean they aren't friendable. So it's time to do what you do best.

You nod, confirming what he already knows to be true. That's right, you're an alien! He seems to know so much about you already! Has he heard about you from his friends? Or has he seen your legs trending on Chittr? Really, you feel like you're at such a disadvantage here. He knows all about you and you don't even know his name!

His gaze which was so intense and deadly has fully warped into something confused. He doesn't know what to make of you now because of the whirlwind of bullshit you just threw at him. Good! He blinks a few times; god his eyes really are pink, aren't they?

"…Our name is Amante. Amante Belico."

He tilts his head arrogantly and you make a show of bowing in front of him. He seems to like that a lot and you know you have him in your little friendship grasp now. You can feel it. Just need to stroke his ego and you can make it out of this in at least less than ten pieces!

It's an honor to meet him! You haven't encountered an esteemed fuchsiablood before, you thank him for gracing you with his presence.

"We imagine it is an honor. Don't think We don't see what you're doing here. We aren't so crammed up Our own nook We can't tell when someone is trying to stoke Our ego for their own survival."

Oh.

"Unfortunately, it will work on Us."

Hell yes.

Amante leads you down the beach a little ways back in the direction you came from. You think for a moment he's going to let you go but then he turns off the path. You panic for a second and think he's going to lead you into some dark forest and give you a vicious poking with his trident when you see what looks to be… a tea party? A picnic? He has a beautiful gazebo and patio table setup and it looks stocked up with the most decadent finger foods you've seen since you crash-landed on this planet.

You're not even joking. You've since gotten used to the fact that trolls are eating bugs and other gross stuff that you're only putting into your own body because you have to, but Amante's spread? It looks delicious. All fancy cakes with frosting, cookies, and sandwiches shaped like cuttlefish. For someone so pissy he sure has a cute lunch.

As he settles into his chair he lifts a perfect eyebrow as if daring you to say shit about it. You smartly don't and brace yourself to avoid looking at the food in front of you to not annoy your possible new friend holy shit is that a drone.

Why are there always drones?

But this one doesn't look like the others you've seen. It's…. fancier. A lot more gold and decoration than any of the ones you've seen blowing up the homes of children. Even more different than the drones you're used to, instead of trying to maim you it sets a delicate pink plate in front of you, giving you a fork and a teacup which is promptly filled with a flowery tea.

You're… allowed to eat with him?

He gives you another dour look.

"Of course you're going to eat with Us. We're not a fucking animal. We were sitting here when you passed right by like you owned the beach, actually. Which was a surprise to Us, considering you don't and We chose this particular beach to avoid you… land-dwelling types."

He punctuates his disdain with a long sip from his cup. Well, you certainly aren't going to turn down free food! You know you should show restraint and try to impress your cool new friend with well-crafted table manners but honestly… you are not going to get this again on Alternia. So you don't hesitate, bitch.

You pile your tiny plate high with as many frilly confections as you can get your hands on. Then the drone replaces what you've taken with a fresh one, which you then grab. Then that gets replaced so you grab that one. You and the drone are in a stalemate of snack stealing. Drones don't have facial features or any actual emotions as far as you know but you get the feeling that this butler-drone is getting super annoyed with you. You don't care, so you grab another cupcake and stare it down.

Amante just watches. His expression isn't amused or fond or anything that would give you a read on if he found you annoying his butler charming. He's just. Watching. Man, you thought Mallek had intense eyes but this is another level. And… he hardly blinks. He is focused entirely on you and kinda wish that he wasn't cause you are absolutely going to stuff your face in a second.

You at least try to look decent as you begin to eat and. Yeah. Yeah, this is the good stuff.

You gear up to go to town when Amante leans his elbows on the table and rests his chin on his now-interlaced fingers. Wow. His claws are long. And pink. He's all about the pink aesthetic, isn't he?

"We have questions for you, alien. You will answer them for Us, won't you?"

He phrases it like a question but his tone makes it very clear that you don't actually have a choice in the matter. So you nod, prepping for whatever heinous interrogation he's about to throw your way.

"Excellent. You see, We actually have heard about you. Or at least, We have seen your Chittr profile floating around. We didn't think much of it at the time, assuming that you would be handled by some gutter blood wanting to have some power over another life or one of the land-dwelling 'highbloods' would actually do the job we keep them around for and cull you. They've failed in this very basic expectation We held for them."

"Why haven't you been dealt with properly? It's clear that you're being protected and We want to know why and by whom."

Oh wow, he's really upset that you're alive. You can feel his annoyance, see it in the clenching of his jaw and fluttering of his face-fins.

So many people have protected you in your time on Alternia, you wouldn't know where to start! And you also… don't feel super great about giving this classist asshole the names of all your friends. You get the feeling he wouldn't do anything nice for them with that information. This particular fish prince seems more like the stab-first kind of guy and not like he's going to give them a fruit basket for their assistance.

A lot of people have pitched in to make sure you stay alive. You couldn't really give names, the people on this planet have just been so accommodating!

"You're saying that the low bloods are accommodating."

Yeah, he's not buying it.

"Well, if you say that and you really mean it… That's just a shame. For the low bloods, We mean. Because if they've allowed an alien to run around on Alternia unchecked, even worse helped them when they should have alerted the drones or dealt with it themselves…"

His clawed hand rests adoringly on his trident.

"We should have to punish them for their treason, right? Starting with whoever owns that cerulean sign you're wearing."

And just like that, your appetite is gone. It's like someone replaced all the blood in your veins with ice water. Shit. Mallek. You've been wearing his hoodie for so long that it felt normal. You forgot it broadcasted the literal identity of its owner right on the front! And you've been wearing it in front of a royal fuchsia! Why do you always end up doing stupid shit like this you feel like you're going to cry.

All it would take is a snap of his webbed fingers and Mallek's whole block would be leveled by drones. You need to change the topic, fast. You don't want one of your best friends to die because you just tried to take a stroll on the beach of all things.

So you shift forward and ask him why you surviving this long has him so interested. Surely he has better things to do.

"There is plenty We need to do. Our time is very precious but you know what else is even more precious to Us? Our job. We make sure to keep order during Our time before We die to the Empress. So to hear that an alien has been surviving and thriving under Our watch? Not a good feeling."

But still, he has to have hobbies, right? Other than terrorizing every caste without gills and fins, you mean. Has he tried painting? Bone collecting? Scrapbooking?

He leans back into his hair and thinks to himself. The fact that he's thinking about it is a good sign! His mind is getting off of murder!

"We like fashion. We're a trendsetter. Every troll wants to get their sweaty fronds on the things We wear. Some brands are brave enough to ask Us to try on somefin they've designed. If We like it, We'll keep it. Maybe take a shellfie. Then whatever they gave Us will get sold out, and the owner will be happy, We have something We enjoy for the next few weeks before We throw it out. If We don't…"

He grins, wide and sharklike. All roads lead back to murder for this guy, Christ… But he made a fish pun! He's getting more comfortable and loosening up!

He has a great sense of fashion, you say. You haven't seen any troll dressed more expensively at all, his torn-up dress looks like it could be worth more than the hives you've seen. His chest puffs out a little more and you hear a proud… rumbling? Chittering? Is he purring from being complimented?

"We know. If there is one thing We want to do, it's look like the hottest bitch around. We love getting into fights, more than anyone else, but We know We must set a glittering example for those beneath Us. And everyone is beneath Us so We go the extra mile."

Amante leans forward again, his smile a lot less dangerous now. He picks up a delicate little cake between his claws and pops it into his mouth. He notices some cream on his fingertips and without missing a beat he licks it off and-- oh.

He has a gold tongue piercing.

Neat.

You desperately grab one of the cakes from your plate and shove it into your mouth for a distraction. How did you not notice that?

Then again this troll is covered in gold jewelry so maybe it didn't register until you had to notice it. You've seen the piercings trolls have, Mallek has some in places you wouldn't normally see them, like his chest. You probably shouldn't ask Amante if he has chest piercings but now your mind is swirling with all the other places this primadonna could have decorated himself with gold and wow you really need to get your mind out of this rabbit hole fast.

You slam your head on the table, just once. Amante flinches back, eyes wide behind his glasses. Shades?

"What the fuck was that? Are you okay?"

You assure him you're fine, you just needed to derail a dangerous train of thought. He's still looking at you warily.

"Is this the kind of thing you normally do? Is this an alien thing?"

No, this was just a you thing.

"Ah, so you're just a weird little bastard all the time then. You could have lied to Us, you know. It's not like We have any other aliens to use as a reference for whatever you do. If We were in your position We would be making up whatever nonsense We wanted and passing it off as the truth. That just seems funny to Us."

You quietly tuck that idea away into the back of your mind to use later to fuck with someone. Maybe Galekh. That could be funny.

You don't think he would like that, you tell him. You get the feeling that he prefers people just to say whatever they're thinking or doing plainly to his face without sneaking around. He seems like he prefers direct answers to his questions. He hums, actually seeming impressed.

"True. We've seen too many trolls spew bilge out of their squawk gapers these days. And you were smart not to lie to Us. You wouldn't have enjoyed the consequences of that."

Exactly! That's why it was just easier to actually answer his question. Also, you're surprised he would want to play those kinds of pranks on people? Doesn't really seem like his style.

He crosses his arms.

"We were talking about hobbies and stuff, yes? We like to have fun too, you know. Our moirail often plays jokes on Us, though we often struggle to get him back."

Oh! He has a moirail! You… well, you can already guess what kind of person he would have to be to get along with someone who enjoys murdering people who can't defend themselves against him. Still! He has a moirail! He's talking to you about his boyfriend!

You try super casually to ask for more details and he seems to clam up and flush fuchsia.

"That's!! Not really your business! All you need to know is that We get along well with him and you'll probably meet him at some point! If you live that long."

Ah, another threat. This one rolls off of your back like water. For as dangerous as he is and how willing he is to do harm to others you get the feeling you know how to handle him now. Well, in a controlled picnic by the beach setting at least but still, it's something!

You could almost call this side of him charming, with the anxious way he drummed his fingers on the table and refused to look at you. You got the feeling that for as much as he was able to absolutely terrify you and would more than likely do so in the future… there might be something redeemable in there!

Or maybe not. Probably not. He seems pretty set in his murdery way as long as he gets to stay on top.

He isn't the kind of troll you would… choose to be friends with if you weren't under the active threat of being killed by him and you can't introduce him to plenty of your other friends but at least you didn't die!

Good end! (?)

[srapsodia]

LMAOOO i just realized that the website i was reading the manga on DIDNT HAVE THE WHOLE FINAL CHAPTER. IT WAS MISSING SEVERAL PAGES!!!!!

I kept wondering where everyone got the image of hinata and kageyama fist bumping at the olympics and wondering if there was some extra chapter somewhere i was missing skfjkskfkd FUCK

i have now FINALLY officially finished reading the whole manga and it was so good augh but jfc i cant believe this jfjdf

waughhg 🥺🧡

[peachywontyell]

ive had this bouncing around in my head for a while, so here we are.

i am a sucker for pretty boys with kind brown eyes and jaime fits that description perfectly...so i decided to give him a lot of pining (that is definitely reciprocated), he has to be a big brave boy and confess 🫶🏾 also, this is placed before the events in the movie !

inspired by

hanging out with jaime has always been very warm, cozy, comfortable. ever since you were children when you'd spend weekends riding your bikes around the neighborhood, only to crash at one of your houses after having way too much food. it happened so frequently that it got to the point where it just was the new normal for both of your families (impromptu get togethers were very common).

the friendship you guys had only grown stronger with each year that passed and well- there were definitely feelings there that weren't strictly platonic now. you were trying your hardest to push them away though, and jaime was having the same issues...however neither of you dared to even threathen the sanctity of the bond shared by confessing. that is until one summer came along, you guys had gone to different universities, and even though you called and texted daily, summer was when you guys could actually hang out like the old days. and here you were, having gone to pick up jaime from the airport with the rest of the reyes. as he walked through the gate you let his family say their hellos first- it's safe to say he almost drowned in hugs and kisses, and when you finally got to say hello you didn't hold back with the bear hug either.

you missed him dearly, and the weird feeling of anxiety, excitement and happiness settled in your stomach as he squeezed you back and actually just fully picking you up. it made the feeling in your stomach even stronger.

"JAIME DIOS MÍO BÁJAME"

"Que no, don't wanna"

"okay so if that's how this is gonna go, cárgame bien, señor"

suddenly you guys were in your own world, talking and laughing and everyone could clearly see what was happening here. milagro was gonna have a field day with the teasing as soon as she had a chance. he ended up putting you down- but only after he carried you all the way to the car. it was embarrassing yes, but now as embarrassing as the older couple that chuckled as you walked past and talked to themselves in hushed voices about 'how sweet young love is' and how they wished they could go back in time and experience it all over again.

that got you both blushing...and made the drive back home for lunch a bit...strange. nothing really changed, you still sat together and chatted, but jaime couldn't stop thinking about what they had said. did you guys actually look like a couple? should he had said something to them? the fact that he didn't mind if they thought so made him feel warm and fuzzy.

two weeks pass, and while you've somehow managed to push away those fuzzy feelings, things have definitely flipped for jaime- and milagro did not help one bit. she woke up much earlier than he did, you did too, and it usually meant that as soon as he walked out into the kitchen he'd see you just having breakfast.

"buenas morning" you say, trying not to laugh cause his hair looked bonkers, but even if you found it hilarious, it was still endearing, and the fuzzy feelings you had to fight every single day before meeting him were back and they were looking for vengeance. and when he almost put his full body weight on top of you for a hug not caring that you were in the middle of eating? well, you felt like you were going to die. "mornin...." he didn't move off. "jaime." "Hmmm?" "get off of me and go shower, tenemos que encontrarnos con el grupo in like an hour". with one last, extremely dramatic sigh, he moves off and does as told. it's not like he didn't want to spend the day with you and some of your other friends, they were his friends too, but he would much rather stay in and chill.

not even two hours later and you guys are at the little picnic area everyone agreed to meet up at, playing silly games, chatting and just catching up! and jaime just wasn't feeling it, he couldn't really pinpoint the reason why until he sees how talkative and close you are with one of the guys there. okay. that's fine. it's just a hangout, nothing is happening, you definitely aren't flirting with him. thank god someone called the guy over cause he didn't know how much he could take.

"so how'd the flirting go?" he thought he sounded casual, calm, normal. he did not sound casual, calm or normal. he sounded upset and looked like a sad dog. "what flirting- what the hell happened to you? why do you look so sad? ¿qué pasó?" "hm? nothing." he shook his head, making you squint. okay, if he didn't want to tell you, then you'd just come up with absurd reasons as to why he would be upset. "¿tas celoso?" funny how you got it right first try. you don't know that, though. "what? no- ¿qué?" he prays to god the blush creeping up his neck isn't noticeable, prays it doesn't betray him. "Ayyyyy si es eso you don't have to be, tu sabes que you're irreplaceable" you laugh and god is definitely on his side cause you're called over a few second later by someone of the order people and he can feel his heart beating so fast he fears its gonna burst through his chest.

the hangout went by smoothly, he genuinely couldn't be happier, even if at first he didn't want to be there. he has to admit, he did miss his friends, so he's glad he could spend some time with them. now you guys are laying on his bed, chismeando and just debriefing when the topic of him being "jelous" came up again. maybe he could just do it. he knew it was risky, but....he was willing to take the chance. "....you know what? maybe i was. maybe i was very jelous, maybe i still kind-of am." he felt you sitting up and all he could do was pull a pillow over his face and keep this shit rolling "you've always made me feel so comfortable and...warm, and ive always loved you, but at some point i think it turned into love...? does that make sense- no- it's fine- okay- look i just- de verdad que me gustas mucho y pues no sé- i don't wanna fuck this up aunque creo que ya lo jodí-" he huffs and sits up to face you, looking embarrassed and flustered "you're so special to me and i really don't want to mess up the friendship we have, okay? but i'd just...i'd really like to be yours."

you aren't sure if you should just kiss him or shake him by the shoulders. so you settle for taking his hand in yours, feeling your face grow warmer- if that's even possible after that confession. "jaime, look at me." that boy is holding onto the pillow for dear life, using it to still obscure his face while he shakes his head. he's trembling. you use your other hand to grab his face and look at you "please, just kiss me" "really?" "si-" and he does, like he's been starving. he almost doesn't let you pull back even though you both need to breathe. "jaime mi amor, you will always be my favorite pretty boy and im so happy i can finally tell you."

[creaturefeaster]

I'm not sure how to word this so forgive me if it sounds odd but would the mimes be considered parasites from a more scientific standpoint? Considering they look for living hosts and such. I hope I conveyed that right I don't want to sound rude ^ ^;

Not quite, but I understand what you're asking.

Mimes can-- but do not need to if they do not want to-- seek out a host that is capable of life, but currently is not alive. Life in this instance means capable of functioning through an energy source, and not alive means not actively receiving the required energy in order to function.

So this includes: the recently but vitally intact deceased as well as animals, dying plants, unpowered electronics, dead but undamaged electrical grids.

I believe from a scientific point of view, they would be participating in some form of forceful mutualism, especially in organic hosts where they prevent further decay of the body by providing energy and reviving dead cells. In return, mimes gain near-complete control of the mind and body of the host, and are the only thing that can ensure the body continues to thrive as intended.

[crybaby-bkg]

sadly and soggily thinking about dating gojo and being so deep in the relationship, that you think you two were made for each other. two peas in a pod, two halves of a whole, two severed souls connecting once more. so perfect for each other that you don’t even think about mentioning marriage and kids, convinced that you guys are already on the same page.

all until it comes up in conversation and things aren’t as perfect as you thought they were. marriage—yes, absolutely, gojo is ecstatic about tying the knot, giving you the wedding of your dreams, calling you his for the rest of you guys’ lives.

but….kids? he’s thought about it and the answer has always been a clear no in his mind. he couldn’t even dream of bringing another him into the universe, fears that it might throw off the balance of the world. that he can’t exist if his child does, but why exist at all if his child’s lesser abilities will only result in them being shunned? of being told how much of a disappointment they are? of being isolated?

and sadly, it’s a breaking point for you. you just wanted one, at least, with your forever partner. and if he can’t give it to you, then he must not be the one for you. you didn’t wanna trap gojo or coerce or manipulate him into giving you the baby you always so selfishly desired, so you leave him.

and how broken does it make him. makes him resent a baby never even conceived or planted, makes him hate what used to be and would have never been.

but…it also makes him think. if his fears would come true, if his hesitance is justified. would he be able to go long lengths to protect his baby? to protect you? would that target his whole family having a weak spot? and is it…is it even worth it at all?

[yujeong]

kpanniversary2024, prompt 13: Secrets

He didn't know what compelled him to open the door. It was late; most of the lights were turned off because no one was awake at this hour, especially in this part of the building. There was no point. A waste of energy. He just found himself unable to sleep. It'd been a few days since the coup, with most matters already sorted, but restlessness permeated, as always with him. So, his feet led him here. In Vegas' "room". Kinn was hovering by the entrance, finding himself hesitating to go inside. He took a deep breath to center himself and immediately noticed the smell. It was foul, unpleasant. A mix of antiseptic and the body odor of someone who hadn't bathed in weeks. Realizing Pete - his former bodyguard Pete, his former most trusted person Pete - was the source of it made an uneasy feeling settle in his chest. Moving closer hesitantly, he looked at his face as he was sleeping by Vegas' side and frowned. Somehow, it looked worse; ghostly pale, black skin under his eyes, drool coming out of his half open mouth, his parched lips. He was clutching Vegas' bony hand with more force than seemed possible, and it made Kinn confused, more so than when Pete took off his uniform and left his family. Left him. It also made him wonder: had Kinn looked like that when he had slept alone the night after Porsche had left him as well? Had his face morphed into something this ugly at the sight of Porsche on Vegas' bike, running away from him? If so, Kinn couldn't help but pity the man before him. He couldn't bare to stay in the room anymore. He left with hurried steps, not bothering to close the door behind him. A mistake, Kinn thought. That's what this visit was. A mistake that would remain a secret, and never happen again. (He tried not to think about how he never checked on Vegas' condition, or the reasons behind that choice. This way, he might get some sleep.)

[vaguely-concerned]

I really can't say enough good things about the expression work they did with rook in this scene, the way you can see it all dawn for them and all the little nuances along the way. I've had some trouble at points to get rye's more distinct features to play nice with whatever the facial animation setup is (still always tweaking. every day in every way we get closer and closer etc., getting the mouth to move just right is such a struggle for many scenes lol), but in this it really worked out. perfectly. yeah, that is exactly how he would emote and I would DIE for him. just. look at him. his hard tight little mouth like a child furiously holding back tears. the shifts between vulnerability and anger, the swell of fury rising through that angry option. the way you can see his eyes go wide at hearing the companion's voices and how he immediately realizes that joining them means leaving varric behind. the warring emotions at 'you're not alone' -- confusion, wanting to protest, knowing varric is right but maybe not quite how yet. so much of the arc I'd envisioned for Rye going in hinged on this scene, and I'm so glad that when I got there it worked out so well. yeah. that's how it happened.

(I also like that you can see how tough it is for varric to be faced with 'I can't do this alone' and having to let rook down, in a way. it's the one time he glances away from rook not contemplatively but reflexively. looking up at the path they're going to have to walk -- without him. having to send them off with nothing but words and hope and your faith in them, because you can't be there with them anymore. and he only lets himself look sad when rook turns their back to him for a moment. the parent feelings in that. ouch aou aough I'm. fhsdjkfhas. ow. considering how little time rook and (plausibly real) varric actually spend on screen together, they really pack the animation so full of information and meaning when you look closely.)

also a true blink and you miss it moment but uh

yeah. sure solas wants to be a hero deep down. sure he deserves a second -- third?? fucking millionth????? -- chance to redeem himself. and I'll totally be the person to give it to him. don't you worry about it varric. you just rest now. I'll be taking it from here fhdsakj

extra heartbreak detail for the road: when varric tells rook not to get misty-eyed on him...

it's because they are actually visibly tearing up. so fuck me I guess

(also I know I'm always saying this lol allow me my broken record moment, but big shoutout to Jeff Berg for his voice acting as American masc Rook, this performance really has become so incredibly dear to me so quickly)

[kaurwreck]

It's actually really appropriate that bsd happened to me because I learned about the Sengoku period of Japan from Samurai Warriors. I was moé Oichi in the very first dream in which I exercised volitional control over the dream narrative and environment.

[perdvivly]

*@caprice-nisei-enjoyer and David Foster Wallace enter*

CNE: Hey, so I heard you had some takes on the current state of AI?

DFW: You heard?

CNE: On the grapevine, yeah.

...

CNE: Could you share some?

DFW: *hums in consideration*

CNE: If it wouldn't be a bother. No pressure of course.

DFW: Well... It's such a non-specific question. Do I have opinions? Yes, I have opinions, so does the next guy.

CNE: Yeah, but I'm not asking the next guy, I'm asking you.

DFW: Right, but, an issue I'm having is that these issues are important issues. They touch what I think are the very deepest fathoms of the human soul, but talking about them as such comes off as grotesquely pompous.

CNE: Okay, so, inhibitions aside, pretend it's just you and me talking now. What parts of the soul do you think they touch?

DFW: I think the current state of AI is a reflection of certain forms of passivity. Have you seen SORA?

CNE: The new OpenAI model that turns text prompts into video?

DFW: Yeah, exactly. I think there's every chance a person using that doesn't have in mind some particular video they want to create, they have in mind that they don't want to work to make a video and if this tool takes that away from them, so much the better for them right? That's a layer of human drudgery swept away in service of a grander artistic vision.

CNE: Right?

DFW: But, of course, when you start sweeping away all the choices, eventually, without even noticing, you sweep away the artistic process. You've made a video, and you have no idea if it's the video you wanted to make. But it's real now. And there's. There's something perverting in that I think.

CNE: Perverting?

DFW: So, you could make me look like a total jackass if you share this out of context but... I think there's something noble about the human spirit. And I think that nobility has a drive to express itself. And a facet of that expression is in the artistic endeavour. Which is what makes great art so great right? That it's striving to acomplish something bigger than itself. It's part of a conversation. It is communicating and it is communication.

CNE: I do see where you're coming from. But I don't think it's as bad as all that. I think it's a perfectly legitimate use of somebodies time to make silly little videos that don't push an agenda or speak to a purpose, they just make the creator happy. And think of all the people that can do this now that couldn't before. Isn't that worth something?

DFW: Oh yeah, I totally agree with you. There's nothing wrong with it in small doses. If it makes you happy go for it. But it's not nutritionally dense with meaning. If it's the mainstaple of your diet, you're going to die.

CNE: Come on.

DFW: In a real, meaningful way, you're going to die.

CNE: You don't think that people can use it to make meaningful content?

DFW: Oh, I think you could. But I don't think there are very many incentives aligned to push folk in that direction. In fact, I think a lot of the primary incentives we've constructed as a soceity push in quite the opposite direction of living a more meaningful life. And moreover, beyond incentives, you're working against your own pyschology. Like I said, we can do it, but if we do it's against the grain, not with it.

CNE: In what way?

DFW: In the myriad ways it's easier to be a passive observer than an active participant in ones own life and choices. The deep allure of drugs and entertainment are that they offer an escape from choice, from the constant burning ache of being in control of your own life which in many ways is itself hellish. I think this is a very natural extension of that. A slow erosion of the burden of choice--a slow erosion of the possibility of communication.

CNE: I still think there's some vital perspectives that you're missing. I'm delighted to live in a world where people's autonomy is being expanded by the tools they have available to them.

DFW: Right. There's that too of course. Very few things that find widespread adoption are wholly negative. And it's the glimmer of hope that's so pernicious here, that offer of autonomy feels... If it weren't at least partially true, this wouldn't even be an issue right? Nobody would want it. But it is, and it's so easy to look at that and use it as an excuse to justify the lazier parts of our nature.

CNE: Sometimes, perhaps. But sometimes it causes us to confront the lazier parts of our nature and interrogate them! It drives us to a deeper understanding that we didn't have before. Consider the work of Emily Howell.

DFW: The AI developed in the 90s by David Cope to produce classical music?

CNE: Mhm! Put to a blind test, human listeners couldn't tell the difference between the work of Emily Howell and human composers. This dispelled a lot of wrongheaded notions about a spark of human creativity that AI just couldn't capture. It also let a lot of amature composers generate a ton of high quality music for free, for them to study and understand the structural components of!

DFW: Emily Howell is an interesting example. But in my daily life I encounter music in one of three places. First and second, in elevators and shopping malls that play the most mindnumbing muzak you've ever heard, whose sole goal is to get you on autopilot. And thirdly, when I choose to put it on for myself. The times I'd be likely to hear Ms Howell are only in that third category.

CNE: Well. You've given me a lot to think about Mr Wallace! Thank you for this conversation, it means a lot to me. I need to get back to work now.

DFW: Of course. I hope we can talk again soon.

*Both leave*

[arsenicflame]

its been a year now, since my dad died. i think in many ways i grieved before it ever happened, and in many others, i havent even started. it feels like its been too easy to adapt into a life without him around, without his laughter, telling him about my work day (and him being genuinely interested), his help with all my diy projects, without popping my head round the study door as he was inevitably playing free cell or something on his computer again (instead of what my mum actually wanted him to be doing). i feel like in a lot of ways i learnt more about him after he died than i did while he was here- about the man he was before, anyway. i wonder about how life would have been different if he didn't have cancer, or at least not for so long. i remember doing rock climbing with him as a kid, going on long walks over welsh hills, but i also remember how that largely stopped, and how it feels like it coincided with his diagnosis. i wonder if id have appreciated it more if it continued into my teens. hearing about all the things he did in his youth, his work with getting kids into the outdoors, the way he would pay out of pocket for kids expeditions if they couldnt afford it, it makes me feel so proud of him and also feel a desperate longing to have known that man more. maybe nothing would have been different, anyway. maybe things changed when he moved, before i was even born, i guess ill never really know, he never really talked about it properly to me, not the stories ive heard over the last year. i think thats been my dominant thought through this. i think so much of my last year has been supporting my mother, though this and with her own health issues, i havent had time to stop and think of much else. ive just had to keep going as though nothings changed. i think maybe its been too easy to adapt into a life where hes not here. i sometimes worry im doing this wrong; when other people talk about how hard it is. i think its been too easy. too easy to close up the spaces he occupied. too easy to forget the exact tone of his voice. and yet sometimes its so hard too. we did a seder this year and it wasnt the same without him. i think that was, more than anything, the moment where i missed him. it wont ever be the same ever again. nothings ever going to be the same ever again, but im glad hes not suffering anymore. those last few weeks were the hardest thing i think i will ever do. but i still miss him so so much. i wish it hadnt gone this way. im glad i got 12 years at least. im glad he got to see me grow up. i think, despite everything, he was proud of where i ended up, even if it wasnt what he probably wanted for me. i hope he was. i wish i could talk to him just one more time.

[svnbrn]

tonight, KANG JIEUN of clan SALUBRI hunts for their next meal. the 11TH GENERATION + ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN year-old cainite, embraced when they were TWENTY-FOUR, will use their disciplines of AUPEX and FORTITUDE to make quick work of their prey. JIEUN has pledged their loyalty to NONE, and in the wake of the prince’s announcement, they’ve chosen to HONOR the fragile peace he cemented so long ago. 

hey yo, everyone! this is sky (sh/th, 21+) and i'm here to present you kang jieun, salubri clan whip! she was born and raised through the japan colonization of korea and ended up losing her parents pretty young. thankfully she got adopted by a salubri vampire (that later on became her sire), probably because of the combination of a promise they made probably out of their compulsion + pity for the poor orphan girl that seemed to have too much of a kind heart for the world she was born in; tl;dr basically a soft girl raised in a country in war (little do they know that people pleasing and caring for others is how she copes with ✨trauma✨). discord is available by request and pls drop a little ♡ if you'd like me to pop up in your dms for some plotting 💕

past. (tw: death, terminal illness)

born a little before japan (and the camarilla) imposed their control over korea, but her first memory is when their power was cemented so she feels like a daughter of those times anyway, (TW STARTS) even more so when her parents were revolutionaries and ended up losing their lives when she was around twelve. (TW ENDS)

got adopted by a salubri vampire who knew her parents and ended up promising that they'd look after their daughter if something happened to them.

had a lot of questions about their lifestyle, but never really asked them out loud and instead just went with the flow not only because the only person that she had after her parents were gone, but also because her parents were always telling her about being understanding/accepting of the way people are different from her so she just rolled with it.

surprisingly was kept away from the conflict filled part of her (soon to be) sire's life (thankfully because she hates conflict) because they did promise to her parents they'd protect/look after jieun and throwing her in the middle of the storm wasn't exactly doing that, but then there's a limit to how much she could be sheltered and even though she couldn't fully understand the complex social (and political) scenario around her, she didn't need to be super smart to see how some most people were miserable.

even before turning into a vampire, she felt a little compulsion to help people or at least cheer them up/not add to their already existing misery.

(besides her parents always told her that she was the warmest ray of sunshine in their lives and maybe she wanted to hear those words again even if it they weren't from the people that she wanted to hear them the most.)

ends up being offered immortality when (TW STARTS) she's diagnosed with terminal cancer (TW ENDS), says half joking half serious that she said yes because her sire looked very upset about the idea of her dying, but it was also because she wasn't quite ready to leave them either.

led a very lowkey life as a vampire until she's eventually invited by the camarilla to join their court; ends up accepting it, because even though she was raised mostly in an anti-camarilla environment considering her background, it's exactly because of said background that she joins them. she already lost her parents by trying to oppose them + she likes the sense of peace that has under the camarilla control.

doesn't mean she's necessarily loyal to them; in the end she'll always choose the side that seems to be killing less/that she feels the safest and if that changes from the camarilla to the anarchs or even if it's neither of them, so be it.

personality.

a little honda tohru from fruits basket coded, iykyk.

was stupidly naive when younger, but then with now centuries on her back, jieun did grow up to a little more distrustful with people and not to let her guard down that easily, even more because of her clan ban, but it's still not very hard to gain her trust or to have her believe in whatever bullshit someone is spilling.

there are even times that she can sort of tell when the other person is trying to take advantage of her, but then just lets them anyway because she believes that they might have their reasons for it + the bullet point below.

has a very kindhearted nature that comes from mostly overly attaching herself to people because she's scared of being left alone/feeling lonely + the little cliche of it being easier for her to not focus on her own problems when she's focusing on someone else's + her clan's compulsion as the very red cherry on top of the cake.

besides her parents always told her to be kind (and then her sire really doubled down on that), because someday the universe would have that kindness returned to her and holding onto those words also feels like a way to also holding onto her parents/to feel close to them.

holding grudges? being petty? don't know her.

not a very good leader, but a very good follower, very hardworking and diligent. also great listener and gives some decent advice even if not always.

always finishes what she starts kind of person, regardless if at any point it stops being worth of all of her effort and time.

is very much into crochet + an absolute plants mom (yes, she makes little sweaters for her plants 🥹); always carry some crocheted animal keychain around to give people if she senses they're sad/need some help and if that doesn't really at least cheer them up, then well, now she'll have to go through hell and back to help them, i guess 😔

might look like an airhead, but is very much attuned to the people around her and what is happening; the type to remember a comment someone made even if they thought that no one was paying attention to them at that time.

[spacephrasing]

hello sorry if this is really long and tmi but besties i need some advice