#sorry for dying for three months ๐
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Got fakeclaimed because we signed off our comments LMAO
HELP WHAT LMAO
#sorry for dying for three months ๐#systok#tales from systok#tales from anon#tales from the queue#fakeclaiming#fakeclaimers#signing#signing off#alters#alter#did#systemhood#tiktok
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My Nerd Armin Hcs ๐๐ฅฐ
Notes: Sorry for my disappearance for anyone who noticed๐ญ i have alot of school stuff going on and i also work part time. The Armin angst is still coming and iโll try to write other characters i just love Armin omgggโผ๏ธ
Content: Headcannons, Modern AU, Armin is GROWNโผ๏ธ , one small mention of ๐ โฝ๏ธbut thatโs it
- As a kid he used to watch a lot of older tv shows and listen to a lot of older music due to mostly growing up with his grandfather so as an Adult he does the same thing
- He keeps it to himself though
- He also dresses kinda old fashioned too
- Wears glasses to read
- Has an extra pair with fake lenses though just because he likes the amount of compliments he gets when he wears the real ones so heโs seen with glasses a lot
- Heโs obviously a Marine Biology major but he also has a minor in oceanography
- Takes like 6-7 classes ๐
- Heโs also part of his schools garden club
- This boy just loves nature and life๐ญโค๏ธ
- He stays to himself a lot especially due to the workload but also because heโs a bit introverted
- Even when with Eren or Mikasa heโs just kinda there heโll talk a little bit but he just enjoys listening more
- Has many posters on his wall of random old actors and sea animals
- Just completely covered
- And of course heโs a big reader too
- So just stacks of books everywhere itโs crazy
- Heโs a bit messy but it can be excused due to how much he has going on sometimes
- He keeps it to himself too but he gets stressed easily โน๏ธ
- So sometimessss heโll smoke a joint or two to relax his brain
- He didnโt like the idea at first when Eren introduced the idea to him but once he tried it and felt at ease he got into it more
- He only does it once or twice a month
- He did date Annie for a little bit in high school but as they got older they grew further apart and naturally broke up
- It was on good and sad terms
- Since then he doesnโt worry about girls too much just school
- Gets hit on a lot when he does his tutoring lessons
- He lowkey kinda hates it
- He just politely declines and the girls normally โsuddenlyโ donโt need help anymore
- His favorite scents are vanilla and sandalwood
- His favorite food is garlic bread and he loves coffee and tea
- He once dyed his hair brown and hated it
- I feel like heโd be allergic to all seafood which would fit his love for the ocean and marine life tbh
- One of his favorite book series is Scythe
- Secretly a Star Wars fan
- He listens to alot of classical music when alone and/or studying
- He doesnโt make his bed alot ๐
- Heโs a bit lazy in every other area but school
- So a lot of people think heโs super organized and stuff until they see his room
- He doesnโt plan on having many kids, maybe one or two but no more than three for sure
- He also wants a cat super bad but he has slight allergies to them which heโs cried about alot ๐ญ
- Once did an Escape room thing with Eren, Connie and Jean and he figured it out in record time (10 minutes) and he won an award and everything
- In the picture the place took he was red as hell and Jean and Connie didnโt let up on that fact for weeks ๐
- He was โTomato boyโ for a month too
- So now heโs never going again and he refuses to talk about it
Ok thatโs all i got, i wrote this in like 20 mins so if itโs ugly sorry ๐
#armin attack on titan#nerd armin#aot armin#nerd armin arlert#armin#armin aot#armin headcanons#aot headcanons#aot hcs
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/แ -ห-ใ~ the heart !
๐ก๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐จ...
...and welcome to my heart ! here, you can see all of the fandoms I'm in and am currently making/posting content for, as well as links leading to the masterlists for each fandom. to learn more on the topic of myself, you can always check out the about me page. or, for general information, you can always check out the intro page. questions? your best bet is the faq's page.
I have a few of big/well-known ones (fandoms), but I think most of the stuff I write for is pretty niche, to be honest (and if not niche, just doesn't really have any fanfic/content on this app๐ but I'm happy to be the first or one of the few/แ ^ห^ใ). also, the list is in alphabetical order for easy finds :).
ใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
ค...๐๐๐๐ค ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฅ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐
โโโโโโโโโ ใ .ยฐโขโกโขยฐ. ใ โโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐๐ฏ๐๐ญ๐๐ซ: ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ฌ๐ญ ๐๐ข๐ซ๐๐๐ง๐๐๐ซ
binging this show every three months has been and is the only consistent thing in my life. is that depressing?? nahhh/แ -โฉ-ใ~ยฐ.*โข...
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐๐๐ซ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐
I love this movie because a) "awkward/odd black girl that literally everyone loves/has chemistry with" rep๐ซถ๐ฝ (I could go so deep in on this-) and b) james harris has my heart๐ป.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐๐
I have so many thoughts on all of the batboys all of the time. and the teen titans. and the kent boys. and-
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐๐๐ฌ๐๐๐ง๐๐๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ (๐-๐)
they dyed cameron's hair black and white and told booboo stewart to put on a leather jacket/vest with no sleeves and just k n e w the girlies would lose their shit. like, lives changed fr.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐๐๐ข๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐๐ข๐ฅ
I need to branch out to other animes still, but I just- *sobs in emotional attachment to this one, and I don't want a new one/แ ~ห~ใ*
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ก๐๐ง๐ซ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ซ
you thought I was here for henry, huh? lol nah, jasper is where I'm at (jk I love henry, too). also, I find nickelodeon literally insane for having captain man's big, hairy chest, trail, and pits out on/during this show while I was coming up, like ??? like gee thanks now I have a type๐๐ป...
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ค๐ข๐๐ค-๐๐ฌ๐ฌ (๐-๐)
no because telling my mom, "I love superheros so much๐ปโจ๏ธ" and then her sitting me down to make me watch this movie, out of all superhero movies ever, was a canon event. she couldn't just put on man of steel or something? I was literally, like, twelve years old, dude๐.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ฆ๐๐ซ๐ฏ๐๐ฅ ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐ข๐ ๐ฎ๐ง๐ข๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐ (๐ฆ๐๐ฎ)
my dad took me to see the incredible hulk in 2008, and it was a wrap๐.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ฆ๐๐ณ๐ ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ง๐ง๐๐ซ (๐-๐)
I saw gally's angry ass and fell in love, I'm sorry, I have an attraction to people who'd probably dislike me (speaking of dislike, fuck teresa, like genuinely. and don't fight me on this, we hate teresa on this blog, argue with the wall).
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ง๐จ๐ฉ๐
angel toress. that's all โก.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ฌ๐ก๐๐ณ๐๐ฆ! (๐-๐)
I love these movies with my entire soul, like, it's not even funny, and I wish I was normal (and not completely obsessive) about 'em, but nope, I just can't be, I-...
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ
mike is such an asshole, I hate him. and yet... *heart implodes*. also yeah, obviously and of course, eddie munson. I'm not a steve girly. like, at all. but I'm not gonna turn down requests for him because I don't hate him or anything, lol.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐๐ซ (๐๐๐๐/๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐ ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฏ๐ข๐)
I still, after like... a decade, can't believe that speed's mom gave birth to her beautiful little boy, looked him in his eyes, and was like, "...I'm gonna name you speed๐ฅฐ." as if it wasn't already bad enough that his last name is racer๐. I'd be heated everyday of my life.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ฅ๐๐๐ค ๐ฉ๐ก๐จ๐ง๐
if any of y'all little sickos ever ask me to do the grabber just because he's played by ethan hawke, I will block you. deadass.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐๐๐๐ญ๐ฌ
am I the only one that kinda doesn't like tilda? like, idk, her character was a little disappointing, I thought she'd be way chiller๐.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ง๐๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ญ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ
magik could've been so cool if they didn't literally make her racist๐. she doesn't even act that way in the comics (I don't think-) so what the hell was up with that๐ญ? also, sam has my heart๐ฅฐ.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฅ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐๐๐
I'm telling you right now, I only write for carl. I have trouble writing relationships with grown people, but I swear, I'm working on it/practicing๐๐ฝ๐ญ.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ญ๐จ๐ญ๐๐ฅ ๐๐ซ๐๐ฆ๐ (๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ฌ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ)
proud heather hater. no, she's not iconic. no, she's not a queen or savage. she's just an annoying bitch with a complex. argue with your momma๐ฅด.
โโโโโโโโโ ใ .ยฐโขโกโขยฐ. ใ โโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐'๐ฌ ๐จ๐ซ๐ข๐ ๐ข๐ง๐๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ค๐ฌ
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐จ๐'๐ฌ
unnamed rainbow oc ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ (edit/first content)
โโโโโโโโโ ใ .ยฐโขโกโขยฐ. ใ โโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฌ :
the hunger gamesใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คonce upon a timeใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คspider-verseใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คkarate kid (1-3)/cobra kai
ใ โก ใ ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ฏ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ :
none :(
โโโโโโโโโ ใ .ยฐโขโกโขยฐ. ใ โโโโโโโโโโ
ใ โก ใ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ข๐ซ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐๐ฌ :
the list - (pretty much just a full list of all of my dr's lol)
dr's edit - (and edit I made for my tiktok lol)
โโโโโโโโโ ใ .ยฐโขโกโขยฐ. ใ โโโโโโโโโโ
๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ญ๐ฎ๐ฌ : [active] [hiatus] [offline]
๐ซ๐๐ช๐ฎ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฌ : [open] [closed]
โโโโโโโโโ ใ .ยฐโขโกโขยฐ. ใ โโโโโโโโโโ
๐ฐ๐๐ฅ๐ฉ...
...that's everything. be sure to browse through and find something you like and look out for upcoming fandoms I will add to the list and/events ! maybe if I had gotten the idea to do this sooner, I could've participated in goretober, kinktober, and flufftober, but oh well. maybe next year :).
anyways,,,,,
ใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
คใ
ค/แ -ห-ใ~ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐๐ซ !
#theyluvlyss#fanfic#x reader#y/n#intro page#blog intro#blog rules#masterlist#masterlists#blog masterlist#blog masterpost#masterpost#shazam#stranger things#tdi#kick ass#henry danger#darby and the dead#dc#atla#fairy tail#descendants#mcu#nope movie#maze runner#tmr#tbp#the black phone#speed racer 2008#xmen
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ok, I think at that time it was supposed to be a joke, but can u still write that where rfa cheats on mc and mc stabs them?๐im kinda interested in drama
RFA cheating on Mc and getting stabbed by her
( Not really angsty but because of the topic: trigger warning! angst! mention of death, stabbing, blood, cheating )ย
Hello. I honestly feel like stabbing people today, I am so...angry. I failed the exams I took back in September and let me tell you: I feel like dying. Wanted to share this heartbreaking story with you guys.
Jumin
Your face froze as you saw Jumin, his naked body hugging someone else, the moans he once only showed you were now heard by someone else and as if it wasnโt enough, he was cheating on you in your own bed - the bed where you slept.
It was the bed where you slept with him, the one bed where you also did the things he was doing with someone else.
As rage caught you, you began to loudly yell, making him shriek, throwing the blanket over his body as he stopped riding the person beneath him.
His dark eyes were watching you as he got caught. You could see the fear in his eyes.
Suddenly your legs brought you to the kitchen.
Perhaps you just wanted to calm down, but perhaps something led you there for a specific reason.
You could hear Juminโs steps as the white blanket was wrapped around his hips.
,,Mc, my love. Iโm sorryโฆ I didnโt want to do thisโฆ it was an accident, you have to trust me. I love you, my-โโ
,,ENOUGH! ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH!โโ you yelled, your hand over the table, throwing gadgets on it on the floor.
Your face was red, your eyes were watery, and before you could stop your own hand, you grabbed the knife next to you, the only thing that didnโt fall.
,,Mc, please, letโs talk!โโ Jumin yelled.
,,I will kill you! I will kill you all!โโ you screamed, your heart was beating like crazy as you tried to run past him, ready to kill the person who helped him cheat on you.
,,Please, I beg you, Mc!โโ Jumin begged, holding you in his arms.
Suddenly you threw your hand behind you and in the next moment Jumin moaned loudly in pain.
You looked back at him and you couldnโt feel anything anymore.
,,You never wanted to become like your father and look at you now, asshole of a husband.โโ
A bit later, the guards took you away from the scene as they tried to save the black haired CEO in line.
Months later you saw Jumin Han for the very first time after you stabbed him. He was in a wheelchair and hurt in many ways.
And even though you knew that your life was going to be hell, you didnโt regret anything for a single secondโฆ
Zen
,,Miss, your story doesnโt make sense,โโ the police officer said as he watched you, a crying mess, in front of him.
Your hands were trembling as you were trying to explain that the woman who was found dead in your apartment was the one who killed Zen, your dead boyfriend.
But the reality was different.
You found him pleasing the blonde girl, who was ten years younger than you, on the kitchen table in your own house.
You saw Zenโs naked ass in front of you after you returned from a meeting for his new solo stage.
You found both of them, cheating on you.
You saw the woman rolling her eyes as she moved her hips.
You heard Zen grunting and gasping as he was fucking her, not even caring that you stood in the door frame.
Zen, aka Hyun Ryu, really threw away fifteen years of relationship with you for a woman like thatโฆ and suddenly you saw black.
You took the first thing you found, which happened to be the knife on the messed up table, and stabbed the silver haired man.
The blonde woman began to scream as her partner began to throw up blood because of you.
,,Who are you?!โโ she screamed, shocked and scared when you pulled out the bloody knife.
,,The fucking owner of this house, and you?!โโ you hissed back and before she could even respond to you, you stabbed her too, two, three, four times before the both of them laid dead in front of you.
As if someone cut a scene from a movie, their bodies laid in a different position. The house was clean and suddenly the police were there. However, you had no idea how this all could happen, giving you no other option than to lie.
Science, however, was more powerful than your willpower and the police knew exactly what you did and were just waiting for you to give in, the true culprit...
Yoosung
If someone would have asked you what your worst experience was, you would either say the day you found out that you couldnโt give birth to a child or the day you found Yoosung cheating on you.
The day you found the blond man hugging a blonde woman.
Her hair reminded you of Rika and suddenly you felt a big rage in the depth of your heart.
You werenโt happy, you were more than annoyed, and now he was hugging another woman?ย
The woman he compared you to earlier?
You thought that perhaps Yoosung was just hugging a friend of yours, someone he saw, no one you had to worry about.
But you quickly realized that this wasnโt the case when he kissed her, his lips on hears, his hands around her booty.
Your eyes were watching this scenario from the other side of the road.
It didnโt take you much to run to the other side of the park as you just came out of the shop where you bought fresh fish for dinner and a new knife, yelling his name to make him shriek.
It all happened in a short time. Yoosung shrieked back from the woman he was kissing before you pushed the new knife into his abdomen, making him groan and gag in pain.
,,Asshole!โโ you hissed as the womanโs shrieks alerted everyone else.
,,Mrs Kim, you can be lucky and happy that your husband wonโt go to trial against youโฆ please take the pen and sign the divorce papers, I beg youโฆโโ the lawyer in charge of you begged when you sat in prison. Nothing was the same anymore ever since you stabbed Yoosungโฆ and you knew itโฆ.
Jaehee
,,I thought you loved me!โโ you sobbed in front of Jaehee.
The two of you were currently standing in the middle of the coffee shop as you argued with Jaehee. She just confessed that she was seeing another woman for a long time now.
She just told you that she was cheating on you for a while now and finally found herself brave enough to break up with you to begin an honest relationship with the other woman.
You, however, werenโt ready to hear her decision.
You were way too hurt by her actions, and even worse, you were deeply in love with Jaehee.
,,Jaehee, I gave up everything for you, for this, and for your dream! I gave you everything, and thatโs how you show me your gratitude?โโ you asked her, while she was still looking deep in your eyes.
,,Mc, itโs time to let go,โโ she tried to tell you as she walked away.
,,Give upโฆ?โโ you asked her again and before you could stop yourself you jumped on her, the weapon in your right hand as you stabbed her.
Your girlfriend tried to move against you to do something.
Her yells seeked for help, however, no one could help her anymore as your dark eyes observed her painful death.
,,If I canโt have you, no one canโฆ I will never give upโฆ I will make the others give up instead!โโ you smiled, killing her, the love of your life.
Saeyoung
You never wanted to admit that you and Saeyoung had problems.
Those things between you and him werenโt going like you imagined or like you would have wanted things to work out.
Whenever someone asked you, you tried to act like the happy, cheerful fiance. However, the truth was different.
Things were difficult with him, Saeran, and his father.
There was nothing and no one who could help you by now. Sex wasnโt even making him happy anymore.
You thought it was a phase, but when you caught him cheating on you by having sex with another man in your living room, you lost it.
You began to yell, cry, and sob.
You couldnโt believe that he, the one who did everything for you to stay, would cheat on you.
Saeyoung was sitting half naked on your couch as you tried to understand him, who tried to explain to you why he did what he did.
,,I needed to find out more about myself and I found something I like more thanโฆ you... Iโm sorryโฆ but, I donโt think I can be with you anymore,โโ he explained.
However, his apology wasnโt enough for you. You wanted to see a true, honest apology.
You quickly hurried to the kitchen, grabbing a weapon and causing him to beg you, cry and apologize to you.
However, nothing he did or said was enough and before you could stop your hand from doing it, you stabbed Saeyoung.
The blood was all over your body as you leaned against the wall. The police officer tried his best to bring you away after Saeran found you.
,,I should kill you just like you killed him, crazy slut!โโ he yelled as he handcuffed you, but nothing he said was important for you now. You lost him, your everything, and this was already the worst painโฆ
แฐแฉแTEแแชIแT
14.11.2021// 22:08 MEST
#death#trigger warning#angst#stabbing#jumin han#jumin x reader#jumin x mc#zen hyun ryu#zen x mc#zen x reader#Yoosung Kim#yoosung x reader#yoosung x mc#jaehee kang#jaehee x mc#jaehee x reader#saeyoung choi#saeyoung x mc#saeyoung x reader#seven x mc#seven x reader#luciel choi#luciel x reader#707 x mc#707 x reader#saeran choi#jihyun kim#mystic messenger#Headcanon#Mm headcanons
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after - jjk (010)
pairing: patient!oc x patient!jungkook
genre: friends to lovers au, kinda a hazel and gus trope, | lots of angst, fluff and suggestive themes
warning: itโs all from jkโs pov and itโs sad ๐ as usual
authors note: iโm so sorry itโs taken me so long to post ๐ญ working over nights are killing me slowly no joke ๐
but iโm working on finishing the next few chapters so pls be patient โบ๏ธโบ๏ธ
tag list: @flowerprincejin @mwitsmejk
*jungkookโs pov*
it had been two weeks since i last seen her. to be fair, half of it was entirely my fault.
after the dinner with yn and hyung, i managed to realize i had left the house without a sweater. my body was shivering as i tried to warm myself with the feeling yn gave me.
i was in love with her. so helplessly in love with her. and i hated myself for it.
it was selfish of me to even begin friending her. i knew i didnโt have very long to live. that the cancer had reached its peak and was killing me from the inside out. the doctor gave me a year, maybe less, before it killed me. itโs already been three months and i was starting to feel it. i was growing more and more exhausted as the days passed and my body ached to the point where any physical exertion made my bones ache. i hated this feeling. but she made me forget.
she made me feel like anything was possible. that maybe i could beat this thing. i was hopeful for the first time in my life.
โhey hyung,โ i say when i finally returned home from my trip. jin turned to look at me as he finished wiping down the counter.
โwhatโs up kid?โ he smiled, tossing the towel into the sink, leaning onto the counter.
โwhat.. what did you think of her?โ i asked. i wanted him to like yn. so badly. she was starting to mean more to me than i had intended.
when i spotted her the first day i came back to therapy, she caught my eye right away. she was the brooding type, eyes cast low as she hung her head. she obviously didnโt want to be here, but she was. when she had peered over at me when i walked in, i felt like all time had stopped.
was this what love at first sight felt like? like the world around you disappears and the silence is so loud itโs ringing in your ears? like, all that mattered was their smile? she was talking to yoongi hyung at some point, their conversation so hushed i couldnโt hear it even if we were the only three people in the room.
namjoon hyung had asked me to speak and if i was comfortable with doing so. i gauged her reaction to the news, her face contorted in a mix of confusion and sadness. not pity, but genuine sadness. and when i finished and sat down, further trying to pry myself into her life, she fought back.
โyouโre cute,โ i thought out loud. she mustโve heard it because her jaw clenched, further pleasing me. she was genuinely adorable trying to push me away. it was like she was dead set on being enigmatic. but she read like an open book. just for me.
โsheโs what you need these days,โ jin hyung smiled, pulling me from my inner thoughts. a suppressed cough pulled through my chest and out of my lips. the waves of nausea i tried so hard to fight battled with the coughs, making me wheeze in agony. i gripped the counter top with all the strength i could muster and leaned against it.
โjk,โ hyung yelped, running towards me. i could feel my legs slowly losing their strength as i fought to breathe. i squeezed my eyes shut, letting the forceful coughs slip past my lips. soon, i felt a strong metallic taste on my tongue, a warm liquid on my lips. i didnโt have to see it to know it was blood.
โwe gotta get you to the hospital,โ hyung murmured, scrambling for his keys. i grabbed his arm, pleading with him not to take me. i would be fine, i just needed to get through this coughing fit. i didnโt want to go. i knew what they would say and i would rather live in ignorant bliss. i was dying, i didnโt need the reminder.
he ignored me anyways and carried me off to the car, dragging me away.
-
it was just as i had suspected. they told me that i needed to be more careful with the colder weather falling upon us because my immune system wasnโt strong enough to fight off any colds or diseases that came with the atmosphere. i tried my hardest to negotiate with the doctors to let me out. i needed to talk to yn. i needed her to know that i was okay and i would be away for a bit.
โhey kiddo,โ hyung said, slipping into my room.
i forced myself to sit up, even though i knew i shouldnโt have, and looked at him.
โdid you see her?โ i asked him. i had begged jin hyung at some point to stop by the group and see if she was okay.
โyeah, i did. you didnโt text her you were here?โ he asked, slightly disappointed. i hung my head in shame, sighing deeply.
โi wanted to tell her in person, i didnโt want something like that to be said over a text or phone call. she deserves more than that,โ i murmured. i felt like a kid being scolded by their parents for stealing a cookie before dinner. it made me feel smaller than i already was.
โshe was hurt, iโm not gonna lie,โ he sighed. i peered up at him, tears battling their way into my tear ducts.
โbut she told me she wanted you to focus on getting better and to not worry about her,โ jin said after some time, allowing me to release a sigh of relief. she didnโt hate me.
โkook, we need to talk,โ he said anxiously. whatever it was, i knew it couldnโt be good.
โlook, hyung, whatever it isโฆ please,โ i begged. i knew it. i could see it on his face before the words could leave his lips.
he wanted me to leave her alone.
but i couldnโt. at first it seemed she needed me. but the more time passed, i needed her. she fueled this fire inside of me that blazed through my veins. a motivation to keep going and to fight despite all the odds stacked against me. i finally felt like i had a chance. that maybe it wasnโt too late.
i was never going to admit this, but i wasnโt going to try this time. i was going to tell the doctors to give the chemo and radiation a break and just let nature take its course. that whatever happens shall be. i was tired. so god damn tired of fighting a battle i was destined to lose. no matter how many times everyone told me i had it, that the end was near, i wasnโt sure what end i was looking forward to. the end of cancer entirely or the end of life as i knew it. i used to be suicidal but now i had an out. a way to let go without doing so to myself. i didnโt feel like myself. i didnโt like the person i was becoming, all hopped on medication just to survive the day. it wasnโt a life to live.
but then she happened. she came into my life and showed me that just because weโre tired doesnโt mean we quit. i watched her fight her battle in silence, and did so with a smile. she was tired too, iโm sure, but she was fighting. and she had found hope. and some selfish part of me would like to think that i gave that to her.
jin hyung sighs deeply before making his way over to me in silence. he places himself in the chair by my bed and just stares at the ground.
โi justโฆ i havenโt seen you like this in so long,โ he admits after some time. i force myself to look at him. he looked so tired and worn out. had i done this to him?
โi justโฆ i really think i have a chance. with her, she makes me believe that this is it,โ i admit, reminiscing on her eyes that reflected the joy i feel in my heart, so bright and effervescent. hyung smiles at me and nods.
โdonโt screw it up kid.โ
-
โhyung, itโs been a week. is this what she felt?โ i whine, tossing myself onto the couch in our living room. hyung was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. he chuckles at me and i pout, staring at the screen, hoping for a different outcome.
โwell, canโt say i blame her. poor thing must be going through something too,โ jin shrugs, flipping a page in his book.
โdo you think sheโs home?โ i ask out loud. maybe i can finally see her face to face.
โitโs gonna rain, kook. you just got out of the hospital. donโt push it,โ hyung scolds me. i groan and clutch my phone tighter, telepathically sending out a signal to yn to reach out to me.
then my phone vibrates.
itโs her.
โyn?!โ i squeal, hardly containing my excitement. i squirm around trying to properly adjust myself on the couch, finally getting into a proper seated position.
โno, itโs her cousin hoseok. sheโs missing and iโm worried. have you seen her?โ hoseok rushes out, his voice out of breath. my heart stops and the world screeches to a halt. missing??
โno, i-- are you sure?โ i ask, now standing on my feet. hyung has set his book down at the sound of my worried tone.
โshe seemed off and iโm afraid sheโs going to do something bad,โ he shutters, his voice shaky.
โlike what?โ my adrenaline is racing so hard and the world is still stopped at the spot, my eyes frantically searching the window as if she would magically appear outside. i hadnโt noticed the rushing downpour of rain and that furthered my fears.
โi think this is it,โ hoseok mutters, more to himself than to me. i can hear him sobbing on the other end of the line, which was doing nothing for my rising anxiety.
โlike what?โ i shout, my body trembling.
โi canโt find her alone. i need your help. drive down every street shouting her name. she canโt have gone too far. check every park, every bridge, every cliff near her house, and you call me back on her phone as soon as you find her,โ hoseok says, barking out instructions as if heโs done this a million times.
and i fear that he has. i waste no time grabbing my coat from the kitchen.
โhyung please, i need you to drive me to ynโs. i think sheโs going to hurt herself,โ i whimper, shoving the coat on and some shoes as fast as i could. he doesnโt bother with a reply and grabs his raincoat and keys and we make a dash for it to the car. he peels out of the driveway and i mumble directions to him as i keep my eyes glued to the window, scanning over every inch. the rainfall was thick, visibility as horrifically low as it could get.
โhyungโฆ we have to find her. we have toโฆโ i murmur. i can tell heโs trying to stay composed for my sake, but i still felt the overwhelming fear of what lies ahead.
and then, for the first time since hoseokโs phone call, i can breathe.
โthere she is!โ i shout, pointing at her unmistakable brown hoodie. the one i had seen a thousand times and could spot in a crowded room. i donโt wait for him to park. once my high of seeing her wears off, i realize sheโs standing way too close to the ledge of the bridge.
โoh my godโฆโ i feel myself say. i can see her screaming out loud, to no one in particular. was she? noโฆ she wouldnโt. but would she?
i waste no time in running at her, her name leaving my lips in trembled shouts. i donโt think she could hear me, and that pushes me to run faster.
but then she leans.
and my hand clasps around her wrist. her body swings over, teetering back. her head smacks the concrete of the bridge, the crack almost audible. my heart stops and it almost causes me to lose my grip. i throw my other hand over and take grasp of her hood, hoisting her back up.
โcome on dammit,โ i yell, mustering all the strength in my body. i manage to pull her back over, her body collapsing on mine. i pull her close to my chest, her body limp in my arms.
i check for a pulse on her neck, waiting until i feel it thump against the pads of my fingers. it feels like an eternity before i feel it faintly tap against my pointer and middle finger. i let out a strangled sob, relieved that she was only rendered unconscious.
โcall for help!โ i shout back. i pull her into my chest, my body tremmering. sheโs alive. thank god sheโs alive.
โi love you, please donโt leave me,โ i sob, my body rocking back and forth. the sound of sirens fall deaf to my ears as i continue to hold her close.
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