#sorry for dying for three months 💀

[tales-from-systok]

Got fakeclaimed because we signed off our comments LMAO

HELP WHAT LMAO

[justevelynnnn]

My Nerd Armin Hcs 😘🥰

Notes: Sorry for my disappearance for anyone who noticed😭 i have alot of school stuff going on and i also work part time. The Armin angst is still coming and i’ll try to write other characters i just love Armin omggg‼️

Content: Headcannons, Modern AU, Armin is GROWN‼️ , one small mention of 🍃 ⛽️but that’s it

- As a kid he used to watch a lot of older tv shows and listen to a lot of older music due to mostly growing up with his grandfather so as an Adult he does the same thing

- He keeps it to himself though

- He also dresses kinda old fashioned too

- Wears glasses to read

- Has an extra pair with fake lenses though just because he likes the amount of compliments he gets when he wears the real ones so he’s seen with glasses a lot

- He’s obviously a Marine Biology major but he also has a minor in oceanography

- Takes like 6-7 classes 💀

- He’s also part of his schools garden club

- This boy just loves nature and life😭❤️

- He stays to himself a lot especially due to the workload but also because he’s a bit introverted

- Even when with Eren or Mikasa he’s just kinda there he’ll talk a little bit but he just enjoys listening more

- Has many posters on his wall of random old actors and sea animals

- Just completely covered

- And of course he’s a big reader too

- So just stacks of books everywhere it’s crazy

- He’s a bit messy but it can be excused due to how much he has going on sometimes

- He keeps it to himself too but he gets stressed easily ☹️

- So sometimessss he’ll smoke a joint or two to relax his brain

- He didn’t like the idea at first when Eren introduced the idea to him but once he tried it and felt at ease he got into it more

- He only does it once or twice a month

- He did date Annie for a little bit in high school but as they got older they grew further apart and naturally broke up

- It was on good and sad terms

- Since then he doesn’t worry about girls too much just school

- Gets hit on a lot when he does his tutoring lessons

- He lowkey kinda hates it

- He just politely declines and the girls normally “suddenly” don’t need help anymore

- His favorite scents are vanilla and sandalwood

- His favorite food is garlic bread and he loves coffee and tea

- He once dyed his hair brown and hated it

- I feel like he’d be allergic to all seafood which would fit his love for the ocean and marine life tbh

- One of his favorite book series is Scythe

- Secretly a Star Wars fan

- He listens to alot of classical music when alone and/or studying

- He doesn’t make his bed alot 💀

- He’s a bit lazy in every other area but school

- So a lot of people think he’s super organized and stuff until they see his room

- He doesn’t plan on having many kids, maybe one or two but no more than three for sure

- He also wants a cat super bad but he has slight allergies to them which he’s cried about alot 😭

- Once did an Escape room thing with Eren, Connie and Jean and he figured it out in record time (10 minutes) and he won an award and everything

- In the picture the place took he was red as hell and Jean and Connie didn’t let up on that fact for weeks 💀

- He was “Tomato boy” for a month too

- So now he’s never going again and he refuses to talk about it

Ok that’s all i got, i wrote this in like 20 mins so if it’s ugly sorry 💔

[theyluvlyss]

/ᐠ-˕-マ~ the heart !

𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨...

...and welcome to my heart ! here, you can see all of the fandoms I'm in and am currently making/posting content for, as well as links leading to the masterlists for each fandom. to learn more on the topic of myself, you can always check out the about me page. or, for general information, you can always check out the intro page. questions? your best bet is the faq's page.

I have a few of big/well-known ones (fandoms), but I think most of the stuff I write for is pretty niche, to be honest (and if not niche, just doesn't really have any fanfic/content on this app💀 but I'm happy to be the first or one of the few/ᐠ^˕^マ). also, the list is in alphabetical order for easy finds :).

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐫: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

binging this show every three months has been and is the only consistent thing in my life. is that depressing?? nahhh/ᐠ-⩊-マ~°.*•...

──────────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝

I love this movie because a) "awkward/odd black girl that literally everyone loves/has chemistry with" rep🫶🏽 (I could go so deep in on this-) and b) james harris has my heart��.

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《 ♡ 》 𝐝𝐜

I have so many thoughts on all of the batboys all of the time. and the teen titans. and the kent boys. and-

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《 ♡ 》 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 (𝟏-𝟑)

they dyed cameron's hair black and white and told booboo stewart to put on a leather jacket/vest with no sleeves and just k n e w the girlies would lose their shit. like, lives changed fr.

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《 ♡ 》 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥

I need to branch out to other animes still, but I just- *sobs in emotional attachment to this one, and I don't want a new one/ᐠ~˕~マ*

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《 ♡ 》 𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

you thought I was here for henry, huh? lol nah, jasper is where I'm at (jk I love henry, too). also, I find nickelodeon literally insane for having captain man's big, hairy chest, trail, and pits out on/during this show while I was coming up, like ??? like gee thanks now I have a type😒😻...

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《 ♡ 》 𝐤𝐢𝐜𝐤-𝐚𝐬𝐬 (𝟏-𝟐)

no because telling my mom, "I love superheros so much😻✨️" and then her sitting me down to make me watch this movie, out of all superhero movies ever, was a canon event. she couldn't just put on man of steel or something? I was literally, like, twelve years old, dude💀.

──────────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 (𝐦𝐜𝐮)

my dad took me to see the incredible hulk in 2008, and it was a wrap💀.

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《 ♡ 》 𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 (𝟏-𝟑)

I saw gally's angry ass and fell in love, I'm sorry, I have an attraction to people who'd probably dislike me (speaking of dislike, fuck teresa, like genuinely. and don't fight me on this, we hate teresa on this blog, argue with the wall).

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《 ♡ 》 𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐞

angel toress. that's all ♡.

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《 ♡ 》 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐦! (𝟏-𝟐)

I love these movies with my entire soul, like, it's not even funny, and I wish I was normal (and not completely obsessive) about 'em, but nope, I just can't be, I-...

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《 ♡ 》 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

mike is such an asshole, I hate him. and yet... *heart implodes*. also yeah, obviously and of course, eddie munson. I'm not a steve girly. like, at all. but I'm not gonna turn down requests for him because I don't hate him or anything, lol.

──────────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐫 (𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟖/𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞)

I still, after like... a decade, can't believe that speed's mom gave birth to her beautiful little boy, looked him in his eyes, and was like, "...I'm gonna name you speed🥰." as if it wasn't already bad enough that his last name is racer😃. I'd be heated everyday of my life.

──────────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞

if any of y'all little sickos ever ask me to do the grabber just because he's played by ethan hawke, I will block you. deadass.

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《 ♡ 》 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬

am I the only one that kinda doesn't like tilda? like, idk, her character was a little disappointing, I thought she'd be way chiller😔.

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《 ♡ 》 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬

magik could've been so cool if they didn't literally make her racist😃. she doesn't even act that way in the comics (I don't think-) so what the hell was up with that😭? also, sam has my heart🥰.

──────────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝

I'm telling you right now, I only write for carl. I have trouble writing relationships with grown people, but I swear, I'm working on it/practicing🙏🏽😭.

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《 ♡ 》 𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚 (𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬)

proud heather hater. no, she's not iconic. no, she's not a queen or savage. she's just an annoying bitch with a complex. argue with your momma🥴.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐬𝐚'𝐬 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬

──────────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐨𝐜'𝐬

unnamed rainbow oc 🏳️‍🌈 (edit/first content)

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐮𝐩𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 :

the hunger gamesㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤonce upon a timeㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤspider-verseㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤkarate kid (1-3)/cobra kai

《 ♡ 》 𝐮𝐩𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 :

none :(

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

《 ♡ 》 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢��𝐢𝐞𝐬 :

the list - (pretty much just a full list of all of my dr's lol)

dr's edit - (and edit I made for my tiktok lol)

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 : [active] [hiatus] [offline]

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 : [open] [closed]

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐩...

...that's everything. be sure to browse through and find something you like and look out for upcoming fandoms I will add to the list and/events ! maybe if I had gotten the idea to do this sooner, I could've participated in goretober, kinktober, and flufftober, but oh well. maybe next year :).

anyways,,,,,

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ/ᐠ-˕-マ~ 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 !

[juminsmysticmc]

ok, I think at that time it was supposed to be a joke, but can u still write that where rfa cheats on mc and mc stabs them?💀im kinda interested in drama

RFA cheating on Mc and getting stabbed by her

( Not really angsty but because of the topic: trigger warning! angst! mention of death, stabbing, blood, cheating ) 

Hello. I honestly feel like stabbing people today, I am so...angry. I failed the exams I took back in September and let me tell you: I feel like dying. Wanted to share this heartbreaking story with you guys.

Jumin

Your face froze as you saw Jumin, his naked body hugging someone else, the moans he once only showed you were now heard by someone else and as if it wasn’t enough, he was cheating on you in your own bed - the bed where you slept.

It was the bed where you slept with him, the one bed where you also did the things he was doing with someone else.

As rage caught you, you began to loudly yell, making him shriek, throwing the blanket over his body as he stopped riding the person beneath him.

His dark eyes were watching you as he got caught. You could see the fear in his eyes.

Suddenly your legs brought you to the kitchen.

Perhaps you just wanted to calm down, but perhaps something led you there for a specific reason.

You could hear Jumin’s steps as the white blanket was wrapped around his hips.

,,Mc, my love. I’m sorry… I didn’t want to do this… it was an accident, you have to trust me. I love you, my-’’

,,ENOUGH! ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH!’’ you yelled, your hand over the table, throwing gadgets on it on the floor.

Your face was red, your eyes were watery, and before you could stop your own hand, you grabbed the knife next to you, the only thing that didn’t fall.

,,Mc, please, let’s talk!’’ Jumin yelled.

,,I will kill you! I will kill you all!’’ you screamed, your heart was beating like crazy as you tried to run past him, ready to kill the person who helped him cheat on you.

,,Please, I beg you, Mc!’’ Jumin begged, holding you in his arms.

Suddenly you threw your hand behind you and in the next moment Jumin moaned loudly in pain.

You looked back at him and you couldn’t feel anything anymore.

,,You never wanted to become like your father and look at you now, asshole of a husband.’’

A bit later, the guards took you away from the scene as they tried to save the black haired CEO in line.

Months later you saw Jumin Han for the very first time after you stabbed him. He was in a wheelchair and hurt in many ways.

And even though you knew that your life was going to be hell, you didn’t regret anything for a single second…

Zen

,,Miss, your story doesn’t make sense,’’ the police officer said as he watched you, a crying mess, in front of him.

Your hands were trembling as you were trying to explain that the woman who was found dead in your apartment was the one who killed Zen, your dead boyfriend.

But the reality was different.

You found him pleasing the blonde girl, who was ten years younger than you, on the kitchen table in your own house.

You saw Zen’s naked ass in front of you after you returned from a meeting for his new solo stage.

You found both of them, cheating on you.

You saw the woman rolling her eyes as she moved her hips.

You heard Zen grunting and gasping as he was fucking her, not even caring that you stood in the door frame.

Zen, aka Hyun Ryu, really threw away fifteen years of relationship with you for a woman like that… and suddenly you saw black.

You took the first thing you found, which happened to be the knife on the messed up table, and stabbed the silver haired man.

The blonde woman began to scream as her partner began to throw up blood because of you.

,,Who are you?!’’ she screamed, shocked and scared when you pulled out the bloody knife.

,,The fucking owner of this house, and you?!’’ you hissed back and before she could even respond to you, you stabbed her too, two, three, four times before the both of them laid dead in front of you.

As if someone cut a scene from a movie, their bodies laid in a different position. The house was clean and suddenly the police were there. However, you had no idea how this all could happen, giving you no other option than to lie.

Science, however, was more powerful than your willpower and the police knew exactly what you did and were just waiting for you to give in, the true culprit...

Yoosung

If someone would have asked you what your worst experience was, you would either say the day you found out that you couldn’t give birth to a child or the day you found Yoosung cheating on you.

The day you found the blond man hugging a blonde woman.

Her hair reminded you of Rika and suddenly you felt a big rage in the depth of your heart.

You weren’t happy, you were more than annoyed, and now he was hugging another woman? 

The woman he compared you to earlier?

You thought that perhaps Yoosung was just hugging a friend of yours, someone he saw, no one you had to worry about.

But you quickly realized that this wasn’t the case when he kissed her, his lips on hears, his hands around her booty.

Your eyes were watching this scenario from the other side of the road.

It didn’t take you much to run to the other side of the park as you just came out of the shop where you bought fresh fish for dinner and a new knife, yelling his name to make him shriek.

It all happened in a short time. Yoosung shrieked back from the woman he was kissing before you pushed the new knife into his abdomen, making him groan and gag in pain.

,,Asshole!’’ you hissed as the woman’s shrieks alerted everyone else.

,,Mrs Kim, you can be lucky and happy that your husband won’t go to trial against you… please take the pen and sign the divorce papers, I beg you…’’ the lawyer in charge of you begged when you sat in prison. Nothing was the same anymore ever since you stabbed Yoosung… and you knew it….

Jaehee

,,I thought you loved me!’’ you sobbed in front of Jaehee.

The two of you were currently standing in the middle of the coffee shop as you argued with Jaehee. She just confessed that she was seeing another woman for a long time now.

She just told you that she was cheating on you for a while now and finally found herself brave enough to break up with you to begin an honest relationship with the other woman.

You, however, weren’t ready to hear her decision.

You were way too hurt by her actions, and even worse, you were deeply in love with Jaehee.

,,Jaehee, I gave up everything for you, for this, and for your dream! I gave you everything, and that’s how you show me your gratitude?’’ you asked her, while she was still looking deep in your eyes.

,,Mc, it’s time to let go,’’ she tried to tell you as she walked away.

,,Give up…?’’ you asked her again and before you could stop yourself you jumped on her, the weapon in your right hand as you stabbed her.

Your girlfriend tried to move against you to do something.

Her yells seeked for help, however, no one could help her anymore as your dark eyes observed her painful death.

,,If I can’t have you, no one can… I will never give up… I will make the others give up instead!’’ you smiled, killing her, the love of your life.

Saeyoung

You never wanted to admit that you and Saeyoung had problems.

Those things between you and him weren’t going like you imagined or like you would have wanted things to work out.

Whenever someone asked you, you tried to act like the happy, cheerful fiance. However, the truth was different.

Things were difficult with him, Saeran, and his father.

There was nothing and no one who could help you by now. Sex wasn’t even making him happy anymore.

You thought it was a phase, but when you caught him cheating on you by having sex with another man in your living room, you lost it.

You began to yell, cry, and sob.

You couldn’t believe that he, the one who did everything for you to stay, would cheat on you.

Saeyoung was sitting half naked on your couch as you tried to understand him, who tried to explain to you why he did what he did.

,,I needed to find out more about myself and I found something I like more than… you... I’m sorry… but, I don’t think I can be with you anymore,’’ he explained.

However, his apology wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to see a true, honest apology.

You quickly hurried to the kitchen, grabbing a weapon and causing him to beg you, cry and apologize to you.

However, nothing he did or said was enough and before you could stop your hand from doing it, you stabbed Saeyoung.

The blood was all over your body as you leaned against the wall. The police officer tried his best to bring you away after Saeran found you.

,,I should kill you just like you killed him, crazy slut!’’ he yelled as he handcuffed you, but nothing he said was important for you now. You lost him, your everything, and this was already the worst pain…

ᗰᗩᔕTEᖇᒪIᔕT

14.11.2021// 22:08 MEST

[trivia-bangtan]

after - jjk (010)

pairing: patient!oc x patient!jungkook

genre: friends to lovers au, kinda a hazel and gus trope, | lots of angst, fluff and suggestive themes

warning: it’s all from jk’s pov and it’s sad 💀 as usual

authors note: i’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to post 😭 working over nights are killing me slowly no joke 😅 but i’m working on finishing the next few chapters so pls be patient ☺️☺️

tag list: @flowerprincejin @mwitsmejk

*jungkook’s pov*

it had been two weeks since i last seen her. to be fair, half of it was entirely my fault.

after the dinner with yn and hyung, i managed to realize i had left the house without a sweater. my body was shivering as i tried to warm myself with the feeling yn gave me.

i was in love with her. so helplessly in love with her. and i hated myself for it.

it was selfish of me to even begin friending her. i knew i didn’t have very long to live. that the cancer had reached its peak and was killing me from the inside out. the doctor gave me a year, maybe less, before it killed me. it’s already been three months and i was starting to feel it. i was growing more and more exhausted as the days passed and my body ached to the point where any physical exertion made my bones ache. i hated this feeling. but she made me forget.

she made me feel like anything was possible. that maybe i could beat this thing. i was hopeful for the first time in my life.

“hey hyung,” i say when i finally returned home from my trip. jin turned to look at me as he finished wiping down the counter.

“what’s up kid?” he smiled, tossing the towel into the sink, leaning onto the counter.

“what.. what did you think of her?” i asked. i wanted him to like yn. so badly. she was starting to mean more to me than i had intended.

when i spotted her the first day i came back to therapy, she caught my eye right away. she was the brooding type, eyes cast low as she hung her head. she obviously didn’t want to be here, but she was. when she had peered over at me when i walked in, i felt like all time had stopped.

was this what love at first sight felt like? like the world around you disappears and the silence is so loud it’s ringing in your ears? like, all that mattered was their smile? she was talking to yoongi hyung at some point, their conversation so hushed i couldn’t hear it even if we were the only three people in the room.

namjoon hyung had asked me to speak and if i was comfortable with doing so. i gauged her reaction to the news, her face contorted in a mix of confusion and sadness. not pity, but genuine sadness. and when i finished and sat down, further trying to pry myself into her life, she fought back.

“you’re cute,” i thought out loud. she must’ve heard it because her jaw clenched, further pleasing me. she was genuinely adorable trying to push me away. it was like she was dead set on being enigmatic. but she read like an open book. just for me.

“she’s what you need these days,” jin hyung smiled, pulling me from my inner thoughts. a suppressed cough pulled through my chest and out of my lips. the waves of nausea i tried so hard to fight battled with the coughs, making me wheeze in agony. i gripped the counter top with all the strength i could muster and leaned against it.

“jk,” hyung yelped, running towards me. i could feel my legs slowly losing their strength as i fought to breathe. i squeezed my eyes shut, letting the forceful coughs slip past my lips. soon, i felt a strong metallic taste on my tongue, a warm liquid on my lips. i didn’t have to see it to know it was blood.

“we gotta get you to the hospital,” hyung murmured, scrambling for his keys. i grabbed his arm, pleading with him not to take me. i would be fine, i just needed to get through this coughing fit. i didn’t want to go. i knew what they would say and i would rather live in ignorant bliss. i was dying, i didn’t need the reminder.

he ignored me anyways and carried me off to the car, dragging me away.

-

it was just as i had suspected. they told me that i needed to be more careful with the colder weather falling upon us because my immune system wasn’t strong enough to fight off any colds or diseases that came with the atmosphere. i tried my hardest to negotiate with the doctors to let me out. i needed to talk to yn. i needed her to know that i was okay and i would be away for a bit.

“hey kiddo,” hyung said, slipping into my room.

i forced myself to sit up, even though i knew i shouldn’t have, and looked at him.

“did you see her?” i asked him. i had begged jin hyung at some point to stop by the group and see if she was okay.

“yeah, i did. you didn’t text her you were here?” he asked, slightly disappointed. i hung my head in shame, sighing deeply.

“i wanted to tell her in person, i didn’t want something like that to be said over a text or phone call. she deserves more than that,” i murmured. i felt like a kid being scolded by their parents for stealing a cookie before dinner. it made me feel smaller than i already was.

“she was hurt, i’m not gonna lie,” he sighed. i peered up at him, tears battling their way into my tear ducts.

“but she told me she wanted you to focus on getting better and to not worry about her,” jin said after some time, allowing me to release a sigh of relief. she didn’t hate me.

“kook, we need to talk,” he said anxiously. whatever it was, i knew it couldn’t be good.

“look, hyung, whatever it is… please,” i begged. i knew it. i could see it on his face before the words could leave his lips.

he wanted me to leave her alone.

but i couldn’t. at first it seemed she needed me. but the more time passed, i needed her. she fueled this fire inside of me that blazed through my veins. a motivation to keep going and to fight despite all the odds stacked against me. i finally felt like i had a chance. that maybe it wasn’t too late.

i was never going to admit this, but i wasn’t going to try this time. i was going to tell the doctors to give the chemo and radiation a break and just let nature take its course. that whatever happens shall be. i was tired. so god damn tired of fighting a battle i was destined to lose. no matter how many times everyone told me i had it, that the end was near, i wasn’t sure what end i was looking forward to. the end of cancer entirely or the end of life as i knew it. i used to be suicidal but now i had an out. a way to let go without doing so to myself. i didn’t feel like myself. i didn’t like the person i was becoming, all hopped on medication just to survive the day. it wasn’t a life to live.

but then she happened. she came into my life and showed me that just because we’re tired doesn’t mean we quit. i watched her fight her battle in silence, and did so with a smile. she was tired too, i’m sure, but she was fighting. and she had found hope. and some selfish part of me would like to think that i gave that to her.

jin hyung sighs deeply before making his way over to me in silence. he places himself in the chair by my bed and just stares at the ground.

“i just… i haven’t seen you like this in so long,” he admits after some time. i force myself to look at him. he looked so tired and worn out. had i done this to him?

“i just… i really think i have a chance. with her, she makes me believe that this is it,” i admit, reminiscing on her eyes that reflected the joy i feel in my heart, so bright and effervescent. hyung smiles at me and nods.

“don’t screw it up kid.”

-

“hyung, it’s been a week. is this what she felt?” i whine, tossing myself onto the couch in our living room. hyung was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. he chuckles at me and i pout, staring at the screen, hoping for a different outcome.

“well, can’t say i blame her. poor thing must be going through something too,” jin shrugs, flipping a page in his book.

“do you think she’s home?” i ask out loud. maybe i can finally see her face to face.

“it’s gonna rain, kook. you just got out of the hospital. don’t push it,” hyung scolds me. i groan and clutch my phone tighter, telepathically sending out a signal to yn to reach out to me.

then my phone vibrates.

it’s her.

“yn?!” i squeal, hardly containing my excitement. i squirm around trying to properly adjust myself on the couch, finally getting into a proper seated position.

“no, it’s her cousin hoseok. she’s missing and i’m worried. have you seen her?” hoseok rushes out, his voice out of breath. my heart stops and the world screeches to a halt. missing??

“no, i-- are you sure?” i ask, now standing on my feet. hyung has set his book down at the sound of my worried tone.

“she seemed off and i’m afraid she’s going to do something bad,” he shutters, his voice shaky.

“like what?” my adrenaline is racing so hard and the world is still stopped at the spot, my eyes frantically searching the window as if she would magically appear outside. i hadn’t noticed the rushing downpour of rain and that furthered my fears.

“i think this is it,” hoseok mutters, more to himself than to me. i can hear him sobbing on the other end of the line, which was doing nothing for my rising anxiety.

“like what?” i shout, my body trembling.

“i can’t find her alone. i need your help. drive down every street shouting her name. she can’t have gone too far. check every park, every bridge, every cliff near her house, and you call me back on her phone as soon as you find her,” hoseok says, barking out instructions as if he’s done this a million times.

and i fear that he has. i waste no time grabbing my coat from the kitchen.

“hyung please, i need you to drive me to yn’s. i think she’s going to hurt herself,” i whimper, shoving the coat on and some shoes as fast as i could. he doesn’t bother with a reply and grabs his raincoat and keys and we make a dash for it to the car. he peels out of the driveway and i mumble directions to him as i keep my eyes glued to the window, scanning over every inch. the rainfall was thick, visibility as horrifically low as it could get.

“hyung… we have to find her. we have to…” i murmur. i can tell he’s trying to stay composed for my sake, but i still felt the overwhelming fear of what lies ahead.

and then, for the first time since hoseok’s phone call, i can breathe.

“there she is!” i shout, pointing at her unmistakable brown hoodie. the one i had seen a thousand times and could spot in a crowded room. i don’t wait for him to park. once my high of seeing her wears off, i realize she’s standing way too close to the ledge of the bridge.

“oh my god…” i feel myself say. i can see her screaming out loud, to no one in particular. was she? no… she wouldn’t. but would she?

i waste no time in running at her, her name leaving my lips in trembled shouts. i don’t think she could hear me, and that pushes me to run faster.

but then she leans.

and my hand clasps around her wrist. her body swings over, teetering back. her head smacks the concrete of the bridge, the crack almost audible. my heart stops and it almost causes me to lose my grip. i throw my other hand over and take grasp of her hood, hoisting her back up.

“come on dammit,” i yell, mustering all the strength in my body. i manage to pull her back over, her body collapsing on mine. i pull her close to my chest, her body limp in my arms.

i check for a pulse on her neck, waiting until i feel it thump against the pads of my fingers. it feels like an eternity before i feel it faintly tap against my pointer and middle finger. i let out a strangled sob, relieved that she was only rendered unconscious.

“call for help!” i shout back. i pull her into my chest, my body tremmering. she’s alive. thank god she’s alive.

“i love you, please don’t leave me,” i sob, my body rocking back and forth. the sound of sirens fall deaf to my ears as i continue to hold her close.