#sorry for all the posts I’ve been sick and now I’m in that weird in between where i don’t feel well enough to do anything but watch tv lol

[assiraphales]

the most gentle of zoro yeets

[chasedeys]

Hi do you have a favorite moment between Joe and Ja’Marr ?? Also how would you describe their relationship I’m new to this fandom and they are just so close and adorable

hi there!! thank you sm for coming by and sending this ask bc now there's like 2k+ words under the cut 😭 i feel like i should apologize profusely for the unchecked word vomit oh my god

to start off, like would you believe me if i said i’ve been a fan of the bengals for like a month :')) started ts during the week leading up to the first regular season game when jamarrs contract literally gripped me with the drama of it all. so for all my word vomit below feel free to fact check me ahaha

you asked me for a favorite moment for joemarr and i start describing their entire life together i am so very sorry, but:

on the top of my head literally just two weeks ago. this 63 yarder jamarr and joe made that led to an mildly feral celly where they just. didn’t know how to act right and got made fun of for not doing a cool celly?? this insane anon ask i sent before i caved and made a sideblog was actually just my word vomit over it 😭. And also last weeks celly, a whole lot softer and more tender with jamarr skipping then walking straight towards joe who held his arms out for him? thats crazyyyy he was expected! he was welcomed!! he was loved!!! the way one of the fired up coach just let joemarr have their intimate little moment before slapping jamarrs shoulders in joy is also crazy to me 😵‍💫 and just this screenshot of that celly where they’re just wrapped around each other right in front of their sidelines. the fuck. watched that shit sick to my stomachhhh i had enoughhhh.

this edit with the compilation of their post-tds pinky shakes oh my goddd. just every time they do pinky shakes!! who does that!!!! the softest possible way they can make a handshake (since college my god) in a status quo where you make the most elaborate handshakes to look cool and spread joy and burn up adrenaline but these two chose to do a quick twist of their pinky fingers (the symbolism of it alllll how dare theyy) and pressing knuckles together for however long they want to. the roty award where they did their pinky shake is one of my favorites huhu

the lakers date…..the way i had no idea sam and dj reader were with them on this date until i see a full vid of lebron meeting them 😭 and the lore goes crazyyy for this whole thing bc apparently joe was having the shittiest week in arizona and jamarr made an obscure ig story that he arrived in az before deleting it (like whyyyy would he do that) and then boom. they’re in the lakers game in lsu/lakers colors. and jamarr did that arms around shoulder thing that blows my mind because what the fuck is wrong with him why would he do that in front of lebron james and anthony davis and like national tv idk. joe also clapped (??? for whatever reason this fucking dork my godd) his hands right in front of jamarrs face when jamarr was being introduced to the stadium.

THE WEIRD CLOTHES PAIRING THING IS INSANE TO ME TOO. they do it in such subtle ways that you just think its a coincidence and you're delusional and it probably is but!! but??? they went to the game wearing yellow and purple (color coordinating lakers colors!! if i were on a date i would also do that cringy shit!!) that is also coincidentally lsu colors! another theory is they each chose to wear lakers colors without the other knowing of which this is just another case of soulmatism. the matching shoes during week 3! the sort of matching color schemes for their away game airport fits! last week both wearing rick owens apparently idk?? no idea if they've done this before this season btw i just got here lol. this is reaching ofc but very fun to think of!

jamarr being batshit crazy with his words abt joe. 'he's like a god to me' 'trying playing without my favorite quarterback' 'i told him dont scare me like that again. he knows how to slide he's just hard headed' 'im here for the future, for him. i want you to be here for the future' (this was abt joe playing through an injury :)) etc etc. something about 'just keep winning as many championships together' or like 'me and him come as package' or something fairy tale ish like that idk man he's crazy i could make something up only to be bamboozled because he has in fact said shit like it before. and like his refusal to consider anyone but joe for the no. 1 qb hhh. somebody needs to put him in an mri and study his brain when shown a picture of joe burrow bc like?? the way jake had to prove himself before jamarr even followed him on ig is ??? pls be normal jamarr i beg of u (he's perfect the way he is).

while jamarrs insane with his words, joes insane with his actions!! the lsu sec championship ball he gave to jamarr. that little look like ‘hey you want it? okay its rightfully yours' mkayy crazy ass!!! jamarrs lsu championship game worn jersey joe asked for and worn for their first game back in nola. just what the fuck went through joes mind that led to this. their dads (both named jimmy both close since lsu too, cute!) were asked about their fav joe game day fit they said the jamarrs lsu jersey 😃! in laws approving your partner of choice etc. this is jimmy chases interview regarding joemarr too btw haha. anyway back to joe being insane—the demented way joe runs to jamarr and hops around him and slams his helmet to his when jamarr makes plays. and like again this is speculation as in no citation sorry but jamarrs reason for going to cincy is definitely in part because of joe?? joe being the one to text him pack your bags you’re going to cincy is crazyyy. firmly believe joe talked him up and asked for him! when they last parted before joe went to cincy did they make a pact that they would play in a team together again? did jamarr reach out when joes 2020 season ending injurys news reached him? did he watch him go down that first time?

also during their lsu days they interviewed the wr core and they were asked abt who joe likes best (stupid ass question in my opinion btw. why would they ask that), it was so....sooooo......like jamarr was so shy and unsure!! he's like 'is it..me?' and terrace going 'he does like throwing to jamarr most' and then jamarr bursting into embarrassed laughter like okay??? okay 😭😭 fine okay be cute or whatever. in my mind back then jamarr was a whole lot more unsure of his presence in joes life because hes super young, his qb is literally 3 years older, its their first year playing together etc but i think being joe being upfront on asking jamarr to play with him in cincy (again speculation on my part no idea if this is true ha) just cements the little gremlin in his head that believes he has to be crazy about joe

their 2021 preseason jamarrs drops were apparently disgusting enough for people to shit on his entire life idk and crucify the bengals for drafting another wr but joe was so firm on his belief in jamarr! that's devotion babyyyy his clap back in the first post game presser was very much what were u saying abt the loml coded love that for them

last feb probowl dramaaa rumors of jamarr moving to houston bc he chirped at cj stroud that he knew cj wanted to play with him or smtg so he had to post this very emotional very sincere tweet and speak abt it in an interview 😭😭 just head empty no thoughts mouth racing! joe probably teased the ever living shit out of him 'so you’re moving to houston without telling me :( i had to find out through twitter :(('

just teasing each other in numerous occasions over each others speed??? that mic'ed up moment when joe teased jamarr over being slow! yelling out his name so many times just to say that he was a little slow and jamarr shooting back instantly with an incredulous ‘be serious. be serious.’ vs jamarr nagging joe over being slow ass hell during his 20 (?) yard rushing attempt and joe defending himself in the whiniest voice i have ever heard from him saying he had to wait for ted to block before him (ted then going what did i do? ted I’m sorry you had to be dragged into their weird mating dance banter) and also this gem of a jamarr tweet (x)

speaking of jamarrs twitter, 17yo him’s curiouscat answers that insanely aligns with joe is nothing short of crazy. they have not met or heard of each other then i don't think. but according to it he likes them older, smart, doesn't mind if they're taller, but he doesn't fw long distance so he flew his ass to ohio 😮‍💨. (also whooo be sending these asks high schoolers dear lordd 😭). the soulmatism between them is kinda crazy like joe being well over 3yrs his senior yet still they had a moment chance to play together during jamarrs freshie/sopho (?) year in college because joe chooses to transfer to lsu, and coach o taking a chance on him despite not playing for how many long, winning a championship (!!) together for that one year that they could play together, and saying fuck that only one year bullshit before flying jamarrs ass right to cincy so they could play 4 and counting more years together.

jamarr talking abt where it apparently clicked for joe and jamarr that joe can throw to jamarr and jamarr would be right there to catch it haha. like he didn't give a shit if people thought it was joes big life changing moment hes just insisting that that was when he and joe really clicked!

literally my favorite mic'ed up moment between them. the teasing! the nagging! 'you see the big blue thing' 'don't do me that' 'that's the endzone' then the laugh!!!! ‘he’s gonna get mad at me when i tell him this shit' then gesturing joe over like hes a cat my god jamarr 'you couldnt overthrow me?' a very affronted 'my guy you were wide open' aughuhghuhhguu joy love laughter etc. (side note can't help myself sorry pretty sure the reason joe teased him about the endzone is bc jamarr could’ve gone for it but got tackled bc he was kinda slow to start sprinting and when he did he just sat there legs out shoulders dropped looking disappointed but cute as all hell i love him sm)

sooo many other moments because theyve literally been in each others lives for over five years!!!! recently joe saying jamarr playing is fun to watch 😵‍💫, jamarr saying numerous times that joes a tough mfer but also hard-headed and how he's also hard-headed but at least he listens (my guy....reflect again), that article of jamarr knocking on doors for a house near joe that he denied i think but he also said that he kept his stuff in joes house before he got his own, that jamarr gq shoot where he went insane and lied (or did he?) about buying joe clothes that just led to the ridiculous clothes saga that is still unsolved to this day and that tb and tee very obviously teased him over and somehow the socmed team clowned him on too 😭

etc etc stop me please

AND ANYWAYSSS MOVING ON:

how i would describe their relationship is ride or die with incredibly similar way of living by which i mean they live and breathe a sport they’re so talented in and they play to win and beat themselves up for doing bad in but also with the awkwardness of knowing they’re two vastly different people with different ways of seeing things and handling things but also even with that steadfast difference of being they also believe in each other in a truly outrageous way that it translates to them saying and being insane about each other (hence the list above) with little to no shame. (i hope this makes sense because im not reading all that over again wow)

like they’re so complicated to me!! by all means i don’t actually know these two or what they’re really like, but surface level they’re so different! their temperament is literally 180, joes cool and steady persona, incapable of being ruffled, closed off, moments of silliness he brings out only in certain situations, smart little quips he gives out at times like he can’t help himself vs exuberant open extroverted blustering to hide his shyness runs his mouth always down to fight jamarr chase. they couldn’t be more different! so how can they read each other so well? how can they run routes and plays with minute changes whilst running from men trying to take them down between one heartbeat to the next? how is it that jamarr is so down bad for this man that he can just say the shit he does about him? how much trust does joe have in this man that he shuts down every bad shit anybody tries to tell him or coax him to say? something about /always/ choosing the other despite everything is always a thing that attracts me to a ship.

also after that infamous kc game shove, i definitely think they had a very tough heart to heart where jamarr maybe spills his full feelings over the contract and how he hasn’t been getting the ball to actually make big plays and how his worth as a wr1 is being brought to question and joe probably spills on his own feelings on how jamarr held out so long and had last minute (?) changes of playing that week one ramps up joes own anxiety and hang ups like i definitely feel like he had some unchecked anxiety over playing with his wrist that first game that jamarr probably said something incredibly insane yet uplifting about in response. the next game its like they mended some unseen frayed stitch of their connection! first drive banger of a 41 yarder td for jamarr, two tuddys for the game in fact lol!! joe gets him his deep ball, then the insane way joe rushed at him after his 63 yarder in the next game, its like that first touchdown against minnesota again. i just wish the very best for them, to keep making these insane passes and insane runs they've been making since lsu.

anyway i feel like a lot of my rambling is for jamarr sorry 😭 he’s like a drug to me such an interesting person i base my thoughts around him. I feel obliged to say i wrote my first ever fic and its them lmao and i link this just as a fair warning to everyone that i very obviously write and ramble in the tags like im in love with jamarr, definitely with some bias, and I’m learning how not to be ashamed of that !

also nobody asked but scrolling through the hell that is my photo gallery i just have to share my favorite tee photo which is coincidentally the mock photoshoot the bengals socmed team made them do to clown jamarrs gq shoot ahaha

hearts ❤️ thank u for reading all the way through :"))

[panlight]

hi!! i’m so sorry to keep sending you asks (if you get sick of it please just let me know and i’ll shut up i promise!! 💕💕)

so this is re: the cullens being in high school, as per the ask you answered a couple days ago! i also always thought it was super weird, and i’ve been thinking for a while now that a MUCH better cover story would for them all (even carlisle and esme) to be grad school housemates (i say this as someone who has now spent two years in grad school and is about to be there for another five at least lmaoooo)

here’s why i think it would work:

1. the age weirdness wouldn’t be as obvious bc people of all ages go to grad school (i started when i was 22 and had classmates in their 40s)

2. related to age, the visible/physical age also wouldn’t matter as much since some of my classmates (me included 😭😭) looked like we could still pass as high schoolers while others gave off huge “kids and a mortgage vibes” even if they were just like a year older

3. the whole looking “off” and tired thing is just like. the grad school Look™️. the shadows under the eyes and general gaunt-ish appearance honestly wouldn’t stand out that much and if somebody said something about them looking “off” or whatever, they could just be like “late night studying” and the other person would be like “lmao so true bestie”

4. if they pretended they were all renting space in the same big house (and carlisle and esme just acted a little less parental), the whole “dating each other” thing wouldn’t be that weird at all. i feel like it’s not that uncommon for couples who get along to rent different floors or sections of a house, and if they didn’t pretend to be one big weird family situation and instead just acted like they all met each other at school, i don’t think people would even bat an eye

5. people go to grad school forever. like. for so long (i vaguely knew of someone who was in the eighth or ninth year of her phd). esp if they picked something like a big state school where the “kids” could go to undergrad first, they could realistically do four years of undergrad, maybe a two or three year masters, and then a phd of indeterminate length (usually at least five). that would allow them to stay in the same place for at least 11 years

and this is not an official point, but i will note that for carlisle to still do his whole doctor thing, i think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to have already “graduated” or whatever, but continue to stay with his “friends” for financial reasons, or just bc the living situation worked for everyone

anyway, i’m so sorry this was so long, and honestly i bet someone has already said this somewhere before, but it just struck me when reading the “why tf are the cullens in high school” post that grad school would be such a great cover story for them

haha anyway thanks for putting up with my ramblings and thank you for all the lovely work you do on the blog!! 🥰🥰

I've definitely seen "just put them in college!" before (and I have made that argument myself) but I don't know if I've seen the grad school cover story specifically before!

It would allow Esme and/or Carlisle to be the 'peers' of their children rather than some sort of guardian or parental figures. They could, as you said, all be renting a house together and Esme could be studying architecture or getting a PhD in art history or whatever while the kids study who knows what. Maybe there's a medical school as well and Carlisle can go back (it still makes zero sense that Edward and Rosalie go "to keep him current' like how is that supposed to work? They come home and just recite from perfect vampire memory everything that happened in calls? Wouldn't Carlisle be keeping current by like, idk, actually being a doctor, reading journals, going to conferences, and continuing education?).

A group of friends renting a house together as a bunch of couples makes way more sense than two parents barely visibly older than their foster/adopted kids who all date each other.

And, honestly, it's probably a better use of their time to get actual advanced degrees rather than stopping at undergrad? I know because of secrecy how they use their knowledge and skills is somewhat fraught but like, publish papers under a false name or let someone else take the credit or something and you can still contribute to the world of academia.

[mjart12699]

Decided to post a fic I wrote a while ago on here since I have been too busy lately to write anything else anyway enjoy some Muriel’s not the Step Father He’s The Father Who Stepped up content

Woodcutters

I’ve always liked the woods. It’s always been calm, but not silent. There are little noises I can pay attention to and identify as I walk the path, feeling the dirt beneath my shoes.

It’s different now though. The woods are filled with the noise of people, scared people who came here out of fear of the city and settled right in the yard of my zio’s oldest friend.

The friend who is now my ma’s boyfriend, it seems.

Muriel seems nice, and from what Asra has told me he’s a good person. I feel calm around him, and so do the chickens and other animals that live here, so I suppose I can trust him. What’s weird is seeing how my ma is around him.

My ma was not very trustworthy of other people before she got sick, and she still had a lot of social anxiety after she woke up again. She’s been working on it. According to Asra and Finn, I’ve been a big help since we’re really similar. She got a lot better after we found Wojtek, a puppy that grew into a bear-like dog a few months after she was okay again. To see her so relaxed around someone, let alone Muriel, is a bit weird.

“Hey, Sawyer.” Finn’s deep voice pulls me back from my thoughts, and the scratch of my pen on the paper I grabbed comes to a halt. “Did you hear what I said?” He sits down next to me, and I feel his eyes on the paper more than see them. I shake my head in response, tracing imaginary lines in my mind across his dark hands as he fiddles with a foraging bag. “The adults are having another meeting, so your mama is going to be busy again for a little bit. I figured we could go look for some more of those honeysuckle flowers that you like, maybe practice some illusions?” I think on it for a moment before nodding, packing up my art supplies in my bag and standing up.

“I have to put my stuff away.” I sign to Finn before running off to my tent. It’s near ma’s and Muriels, towards the back of the hut and away from the people. Ma made a few jokes about how the three of us have that in common, the need to be away from the noise.

I open the flaps of the tent as I undo the locking spell, walking on my knees to avoid letting my dirty shoes touch the floor of the tent. I know it will get dirty anyway, but I don’t like the feeling of dirt touching my skin when I sleep. I tuck my art supplies under my pillow, shaking out my bag to make sure I didn’t miss anything and then repacking what I will need to take with me. My stuffed mammoth, my mini sketchbook, a piece of charcoal, gloves, extra socks in case the ones I’m wearing get wet, a sweater, and some candy so I don’t chew the inside of my cheek. Once that’s packed, I wiggle back out of the tent, closing the flaps and redoing the protection spell. I nearly fall back when I stand up and turn around to see Muriel, kneeling down to pet Wojtek right outside my tent.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He doesn’t stand up, which I’m okay with. The man is ridiculously tall, my earliest memory of him being when Asra took me out here, I think I was a toddler. He had been wearing his chains, and his hair had been a lot longer. I also remember he didn’t seem as soft as he does now, a feeling I can’t really explain. “Your mom and I have to meet with everyone again, to talk about what’s going to happen. We- I mean, she wanted you to know where she was in case you’d need anything.”

I nod in response, feeling my hair brush against my neck and slapping it away when it itches. Muriel’s face changes when I do that, the same way that other adults do when I do anything considered weird. “It’s itchy.” Is all I sign before I walk away, finding Finn and his cat, Annette, on the outskirts of the settlement and taking one of the more wild paths with him.

I practice my magic a bit as we walk, summoning small gusts of wind in my hands and holding up leaves or flowers in midair with it as we walk, and sometimes coming up with small illusions. Finn’s job when we are not hiding from a bloodthirsty monster and his band of mercenaries is to dig up old bones and study them, paleontology. I went on a lot of his digs with him the year that we left Vesuvia while mama was sick. He had always kept me in the shade, putting big hats on my head and making sure I was wearing enough sun cream to “keep the people who make it from ever going out of business”. He talks about the bones he’s found as we walk, telling me what he thinks they might have looked like and asking me to summon the description in my hands, then summoning his own to compare. It’s a fun game we play, something that keeps my mind from wandering to the bad stuff.

By the time we find the grove where the honeysuckle is, the sun has started to head more into the evening, and a chill blows through. I pull my sweater out of my bag, the soft purple yarn smelling a little bit old and in need of a wash, but comforting.

“I admit that I brought you out here with another ulterior motive.” Finn’s large hands pluck several of the white and yellow flowers at a time before he deposits them in his bag. “You’ve been looking a little sad, and it’s easy to see why.” I turn away as he talks, knowing that he knows I am still listening. “It was nice and calm for a while, then the Countess hired your mama for a weird job. A week later she has to go down south with a scary lady and the best friend of your uncle, who looks and seems like the exact opposite.” Annette climbs some of the branches, her soft fur shining a warm brown in the dappled sun, her golden eyes watching me knowingly. “ Then she comes back after months of being away, right before the biggest party of the year, dating said guy.” He’s right about that, it was weird to see them together. Asra seemed really happy about it, and tried to tell me stories of him and Muriel when they were growing up while he and my ma were down south, but it still felt strange. “Next thing you know we are all running away from the city and into the woods and we have to set up camp around a bunch of other people, some of which have obviously not learned about camping etiquette.” This makes me laugh a little, because it’s true. Not a day goes by out here where someone doesn’t start an argument with another person about something stupid. I feel Finn’s hand on my shoulder, and look up to see that he also finds it funny. He kneels down to my level picking some of the flowers on the forest floor as he does, all ones we can use for medicine or food. “The point is, you’ve been holding in a lot, and it’s okay to miss your ma. I know you think that because you’re one of The Big Kids out here that you have to act brave and happy all the time, but you need to remember that you are nine years old. It’s okay to have all of the bad feelings.” I don’t like that he’s able to read right through me, but that’s what happens when you spend most of your life around someone.

My throat feels sore and wet, and the area behind my eyes hurts. I know it’s a sign that I’m going to cry, but I still don’t like it. Finn pulls me down, leaning against the small tree the honeysuckle had been growing around and letting me sit against his side. I rock back and forth against the tree, not able to do anything else to calm myself down. Finn fishes my stuffed mammoth out in response, tucking it into my arms and rubbing his hand up and down my back as I hide my face in my knees. Annette comes down from the tree, purring as she wiggles her way into my lap and kneading her paws in order to get me to release my legs from my grip, preventing marks that I would normally scratch into my skin. It feels like forever has passed before I stop crying, and it still feels stupid to cry over something like this when I’m done.

My legs feel heavy when we decide to go back, so Finn hoists me up so that he’s giving me a piggy-back ride. If I weren’t so tired from today I would protest, especially since I’ve been getting a bit too big for that, but Finn doesn’t seem to mind, and carries me easily all the way back to camp.

I’m nearly asleep when we do get back, but I’m awake enough to help Finn and Mazelinka, Zio Julian and Zia Portia’s kinda-grandma, with making dinner. Mazelinka tells stories as we make the soup, her time at sea and the antics Portia and Julian would get into when they were younger. Everyone who was at the meeting, the Satrinava’s, Asra, Muriel and Ma come and eat with us when the sun starts to set even more.

The soup is good, and it makes me feel nice and warm despite the temperature drop outside. Finn sits between Ma and I, chatting with her about what happened in the meeting as we eat. He’s always felt like a nice protective bubble for when I don’t want to talk, but I know from experience that Ma will ask me what’s wrong soon. She has a weird sixth sense for it. By the time I’m done with my dinner some of the adults have gotten out drinks, some dancing around controlled fires and others laughing loudly with each other.

I don’t like it.

Ma see’s that easily enough, and when Finn begins to dance with Asra and Julian she scoots closer to me.

“Time for bed?” I nod, leaning against her and breathing in the smoky scent that lingers on her clothes from the fires around us. Wojtek follows us when we stand up, yawning and stretching before sending a deep bark out into the woods, earning a howl in return. “We’re going to head off to bed, you gonna be okay?” I already know she’s talking to Muriel. I hear him hum in response before she takes hold of my hand and we walk back to the tents together.

It gets cold pretty quick once we leave the community fires, but even then I am slow to get into my tent and into my pajamas. Ma gets hers on from her own tent, tapping the outside of mine in silent question. I open the flaps to let her and Wojtek in, which makes the tent really cramped pretty quick.

“So, today was pretty long, huh.” Neither of us are good at small talk, or starting conversations, but it’s surprisingly nice that she’s trying to ease into what she wants to talk about. I nod, grabbing my quilt and wrapping it around my shoulders before leaning into her, nearly melting when she wraps her arms around me and pulls me down onto the pile of furs that make a bed for now. “I’m so sorry baby. I haven’t had a lot of time with you lately, and when I do there’s always other people around so it’s never just you.” I tell myself that I’m listening, even as she runs her tattooed fingers through my hair and the thump of her heart tries to sing me into sleep. “I can’t promise to spend tomorrow with you, but after all of this is over, we’ll do whatever you want. Day and dinner, does that sound nice?” I nod as I hum in response, and it doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep after she brushes my hair out of my face and Wojtek curls around me.

The snow is up to my knees out here, and my breath freezes as it leaves my mouth. There are structures that surround me, old and worn so much that it would be impossible to fix them up again.

Suddenly, the red sky no longer weeps little white flakes. Instead, they’re gray, and it smells awful. The ash nearly chokes me as I try to run through the snow, but I’m not paying attention, so I fall through the ice and the cold water seeps through my bones as sharks swim in protective circles. I don’t have the time to scream. I try to kick my way back to the surface, I should know how to swim, but it feels like something is holding me back.

I don’t look down to see what it is.

I can’t.

But I can feel her bones, and hear her soft voice.

I’m on the shore again, but the scene is different. It’s an island this time, and there’s no snow. Only ash. I wonder if it’s the same ash from before as I push aside the dry branches to walk through it, the feeling of dread in my chest doing just as much damage as the ash in the air.

I come to a building, brick and mortar and on fire. Ash piles out from it and I can’t tell if those who were once inside are still screaming or if it’s just the flames and coals. Something touches my shoulders, the same thing from earlier, and when I turn to see what it is my screams die in my throat.

The specter doesn’t have any defining features, just embers within shadows. Empty eyes see right through mine, and their hand reaches for my shoulders again. The touch is gentle, and filled with so much sorrow that it’s overwhelming.

I nearly vault out from my blankets, any sound dying in my throat when I throw up next to my bed. Wojtek is gone, and the tent flaps are open. I barely process that Ma comes in when I throw up again. She rubs my back and holds my hair away from my face for a few more minutes to make sure there’s nothing left in my stomach. I think she asks if I want to go to bed with her. I think I nod. Muriel is standing outside the tent, not enough space for him to come inside. I think I hear her say something about cleaning up, and then I’m passed to him.

He smells nice.

We go into his and Ma’s tent, where he gets water and a rag and sits me down near the bed. There’s a small orb of light, just enough that we can see but not too much to hurt our eyes in the late hours. He helps me clean my face, rearranging the furs in the tent so they’re more spread out before sitting me down in the middle. He leaves the tent for a few minutes, I think, and when he comes back Ma is with him. She gets me to drink some water, running her hands through my hair and pulling me close. I think I hear her and Muriel talking to each other, asking out loud if I might be sick. I shake my head, but I’m too tired to explain. I just want to sleep.

Ma lays down first, pulling me with her so that I can use her arm as a pillow. Muriel is the one that pulls the blankets over all of us, his thick arm wrapping around both her and I. He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m here, and the little nagging voice that tells me I’m in the way nearly shuts up when he pulls us both closer.

I’m confused when I wake up, and feel like I’ve been boxed in by a million blankets. It takes a few seconds longer than I’d like to admit for me to remember what happened last night, and another few for me to process that the reason I’m so squished is because I am surrounded on all sides. Wojtek managed to lay on top of me in the night, further boxing me in between Ma and Muriel. It was nice last night when it was nearly freezing outside, but right now, under a thick quilt and the sun beginning to rise once again, it is not.

I resign to my fate, however, when I remember that Wojtek is nearly twice my size, and even if he wasn’t here on top of me I don’t want to wake Ma and Muriel. I take a deep breath and settle back in, tracing imaginary lines on Muriel’s face while he sleeps.

I like studying peoples faces, it’s something I’ve always done as far as I’m aware. I’m not very good at telling how someone is feeling just by their face, and I have difficulty recognizing people whenever there is a slight difference in appearance, like when they change their hair, makeup or even the metal of their jewelry.

I’ve never really studied his face before. He wasn’t around enough to warrant interest, but now he’s around all the time. He doesn’t seem to like it when people stare, though, and after Finn explained why I just avoided looking at him in general. He has a scar on his cheek and brow. I mentally trace the scar on his cheek, and look at how there isn’t hair growing close to it like there is on the rest of his face. I wonder if the hair can no longer grow there.

I’ve gotten bored of tracing his face by the time Wojtek yawns and gets up, somehow managing to not not step on any of us as he leaves the tent for the morning. The change still wakes Muriel up, while Ma still holds on to a few more minutes of sleep. I had closed my eyes and pretended I was still asleep when Wojtek left, and I turned over when Muriel got up to get ready for the day. He’s still wearing most of the Masquerade outfit that the Countess gave him, although he took off the cape part, leaving only the shirt, pants and boots. Everyone else had managed to find their normal clothes after the fact, except for him.

He’s weird.

Ma finally wakes up after a few minutes, brushing my hair out of my face again before getting up. I wiggle back under the covers, knowing that it’s time to get up but not wanting to leave the cozy nest. I don’t know if they know that I can hear their hushed voices.

“Do you want me to stay while you talk to him?” Muriel’s deep voice is easy to identify on any day, even with the failing enchantment The Hermit gave him.

“If you want to, I won’t pressure you, but it has been a few weeks since we’ve been out here, gah, I don’t know how to talk about this…”

“It’s fine, I think I get what you’re trying to say… and you’re right, I shouldn’t just avoid being around him… I’m not sure how to explain why I have been either.”

“It’s okay, it’s understandable. You don’t have to explain right now, but I do think it’d be good for him if you were here while we talked.”

He hums in response, and I feel Ma’s footsteps come closer before she kneels down and gently shakes my shoulder.

Despite being awake before them, I still feel groggy. I turn over to see that she’s already pulled half of her hair back, although a lot of it still frames her rosy face. I sit up, still pulling my blanket around my shoulders and groaning when my stomach growls.

“Buon giorno piccolo, ti senti meglio?” She rests her hand on my forehead while she talks, pulling it away after a few seconds and scooting over a little closer when Muriel comes to sit down, a cup of water in his hand. “Do you still feel sick?” I think for a minute to see if my stomach still feels all twisted up, and nod when the thought of eating makes the nausea worse. Muriel hands the cup to me, his brows knitted together making the scar on his forehead move slightly. A little voice in the back of my mind wonders if it still hurts.

“Bad dreams?” I hadn’t expected him to speak, and everything feels slow before I am able to nod, doing my best to drink the water and get rid of the bad taste in my mouth.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Ma rubs her hand up and down my back, sending shivers through my brain and down my spine. “We’re pretty good at listening.”

My head throbs when I think about it too much, but I do my best to tell her anyway. “The sky was red, and I fell through the ice. There were sharks, and something was pulling me down.” Wojtek comes back into the tent, sitting down across Muriel’s lap and extending his paws into mine. “Then I was back on a beach, and I went through the woods to the building. It was on fire, and the thing that pulled me down just stared at me.”

By the time I’m finished with what I could recall from the dream I can hear Vesuvia waking up for the day as well, mixed conversation muffled from the tent. Ma pulls me closer, nearly into her lap and continues to rub my back, using her other hand to comb through my hair. Muriel looks at the floor, his hands busy petting Wojtek.

“Maybe drawing the thing in your dream will help a little, we used to do that all the time.” Ma’s idea normally works. Most of my memories of her from before she got sick are of us drawing together, her showing me how to mix paints to get the color I want and the way different brushes would have different strokes. We haven’t done it in a while. I nod against her shoulder, the movement making me skull throb, before standing up and going to my tent to get ready for the day.

We have breakfast just outside our tents, the first one in a while that’s at least a little quiet. Muriel had the idea in the first place, and Ma went to the campsite to tell Asra we’d be having breakfast alone.

I’m so used to someone trying to squeeze by me for something or bumping into me that it’s a little bit weird that we get to make breakfast and eat in silence.

I pull my hood up over my head, hiding the tangled mess my curls had become overnight and sitting down a few feet away from Muriel, close to the fire. I watch as he shakes the frying pan with the eggs, thinking of the paint colors I would need to get the right shade of yellow for the yolk.

“Do you want to try?” Muriel’s voice breaks my thought, and I look to see he’s holding a spatula out to me. I scoot closer, looking at him before grabbing it and trying to flip one of the eggs. The yolk ends up breaking, but when I try to give his spatula back to him he just scoots closer, putting his hand over mine to hold the spatula and flip one of the other eggs. That one doesn’t break. I still give the spatula back to him, preferring to watch and not fail at something so early in the morning. By the time ma is back from talking with Asra everything is cooked and served on three plates.

“Sorry that took longer than anticipated, Finn wanted to know if you were doing okay and then Nadia heard and yada yada yada…”

“It’s fine, Sawyer helped me with the eggs.” Muriel hands her the plate and gets the kettle off of the fire, pouring the hot water into three cups before settling back and getting his own plate.

“Did he now?” She has a weird look on her face, even as she stirs more cinnamon into her tea and crosses her legs to balance her plate, it’s like she’s hoping for something.

They chatter back and forth as we eat, mostly about the battle plans and safety measures taken in the forest. Everyone’s talked about those types of things so much that I’ve learned to tune it out, but it also means that I tend to tune out important stuff.

Like when ma asks me a question.

I look up from my plate, ma has her head tilted the way a cat does when they’re curious about something, as though it makes more sense at an angle. “Repeat?” I have to use both hands to sign most of the time, so I just set my plate to the side.

“We were talking about the things we could do today. I think we all need at least a little bit of a break before tomorrow.” She looks between both Muriel and I as she talks, taking a sip of her tea in between. “Got any ideas besides painting?” I stir the eggs and mushrooms on my plate as I think, tidying them into their own piles so they’re not touching.

Of all the things we can do out here, I’ve done most of them. I’m not saying that I would be bored with anything I’ve already done, I’m just worried that none of them would result in anything useful.

Muriel leans over to ma, whispering something in her ear that makes her nod, her smile changing to the one she wears when she’s about to beat Asra at cards, a rare occurrence. He turns to me, his plate almost cleared of the mushrooms. “Maybe you could help me with renewing the charms around the camp? The forest has had more traffic than it’s seen in centuries and the protective spells we’ve had up are nearly burnt out.”

Well, I have needed to work on my charms… I nod, resuming my breakfast with a set plan for the day.

“That’s great! I do have some stuff I need to work out with the Countess, so you two will be alone in that endeavor, but I’ll come back to paint sometime after lunch.” Wait, us two? “I’ll see you later.” She kisses Muriel and then kisses my forehead, standing up with her dishes seemingly without any thought.

I help Muriel clean up around the fire pit after we’ve finished eating, washing the dishes and putting them away. Wojtek helped with the dishes too, licking off any remaining food from mine and then following me around while I did my morning chores.

When everything’s all done and put away I go back to my tent to get my bag, making sure that nothing was misplaced before putting it on and stepping out.

I haven’t gotten to do much with charms quite yet when it comes to practicing magic. Asra focused a lot on water types and illusions at first, teaching both Finn and I the simple stuff. Ma always taught me about hedge magic, and after she woke up we all learned about various magics from Asra, but we haven’t really focused that much on charms for a while.

Wojtek bumps his snout into my hand, indicating that he wants me to rest it on my head while he leads me somewhere. It’s how we walk through the markets on a normal day, and at the moment he’s leading me towards Muriel. His head nearly reaches one of the lower branches, and the fur cloak he wears makes him look a lot bigger.

“Most of the charms were made by Asra, but some of them are mine.” I’m surprised I don’t have to walk very fast to keep up with him, his pace being slower than Julian’s, who practically leaps everywhere. “We actually started making them when we were a lot younger, when we first moved out here. Some of them had to be replaced over time, mostly from weathering, but others have held on for longer.” We stop walking when we reach one of the trees, huge and covered in moss. “Like this one.” Muriel gets something out of his pockets, long strips of cloth that he wraps around his hands and ties off at his wrists.

I have to wave to get his attention before signing. “What are those for?” He pauses wrapping his other hand before continuing with an answer.

“They’re to keep my hands safe, and these,” he pauses before pulling out two smaller strips, “are to keep your hands safe.” Wojtek sniffs the fabrics before sitting down at the base of the tree, taking a deep breath like he’d just run a mile. Inanna seems content to sit with him.

“We’re climbing?” I might as well ask all of my questions before I can’t ask them.

“Mhm, can I see your hands?” Muriel kneels down in front of me, showing how to wrap the cloth the right way so that it actually stays.

It feels weird.

“I’ll help you up to the higher branches, but most of them are pretty close together, so you won’t have to worry.” He leads me to the base of the tree after standing up again, eyeing the branch for a moment before looking back at me. “I’m going to have to pick you up for this one, will you be alright with that?” Looking at the tree, I don’t think I’d get up there any other way, so I allow it. Muriel puts me on his back, the same way Finn does, and jumps to grab onto the branch. I have to squeeze my legs to avoid falling off, but he pulls us up to balance quickly.

I get back down, holding on to Muriel’s arm without thinking about it so I can balance myself. I’m not really used to climbing trees this big.

“I can show you the branches to grab before you climb, and then I’ll follow.” Muriel looks around at the branches above us, pointing to a thick one I can reach. “You might have to jump a little for that one, but you can push your legs against the tree. I’ll be right behind you.” He’s right, even at the base of the branch I have to jump a little, pushing my legs against the tree for leverage and clinging to it once I’m secure. It takes a lot longer for me to get upright than Muriel did, but he doesn’t seem to react, he just climbs up after me and shows me the next branch and the next one and so on.

It feels like forever has passed once we reach the top, where a small, worn out charm dangles from a branch on a piece of twine. Stones and seashells decorate the center with twigs woven around them to create a rune. The closer I am to it, the safer I feel, but it’s a different safety than Asra’s magic.

Asra’s protective spells feel like tempered glass around you, watching the ocean from inside and hearing the echo of the things that pass. Muriel’s feels like diving into a nest of blankets and furs in front of a fire when there’s a howling blizzard outside.

I sit on the branch as close to the tree as I can get, looking over the trees and across the horizon. I can pinpoint the camp from here due to the smoke that rises from some of the trees in the distance, and behind me I can see a few of the small mountains, which ma likes to call glorified hills.

Muriel shows me the process to recharge the charm, which seems to make it age backwards somehow. His hands take on a slight green and bronze glow as he focuses on the spell for the first half, but then he stops.

“Hold out your hands, and concentrate on the rune and what it means to you,” I do as he says, watching as my hands develop a dim bronze and orange light washes over them. It flickers even as I try to focus, giving way to the green and bronze light from Muriel’s hands. “For a first try you did well. It took me several to even make this work in the first place. Then there was getting them all put up.”

I have questions.

I wait until we’re done with the charm, watching as Muriel hangs it back up on the same branch, which makes it rewind in its age within a few seconds. Once he’s done with that he looks below us, eyes bouncing from branch to branch and plotting a route back down. Before he can move to get down I tap his arm, making sure I have his attention before signing.

“How old were you when you moved out here?” He makes a weird face, his eyebrows raising and eyes widening, an expression that Asra says means someone is shocked. He almost says something a few times, but then decides not to.

“How about we talk when we’re on the ground again.” He doesn’t seem to want to answer at the moment, maybe it’s because we’re so high up.

I follow him down, sometimes having to hold on to him while he gets us to the branches that are further apart, much safer than jumping down.

Wojtek and Inanna are still waiting for us at the bottom, and their tails start to wag once they can see us. Wojtek runs in a circle at the base of the tree until we get down, wiggling in place in front of me while I pet him. We get back on the path to the next charm after catching our breath.

“My childhood…” Muriel’s voice is quiet, a deep rumble in the distance. “Wasn’t very pleasant. I had Asra, and they had me, but that was it. I had thought for years that my parents had abandoned me because they couldn’t feed me, and I grew up avoiding being a burden at all costs.” The brush is thicker back here, and I have to raise my arms to get through. “The people of Vesuvia were hardly ever kind to the children of the docks, and Lucio’s rule made their wariness of us even worse, especially when he began to collect us for dirty work.” The next tree is shorter, and we go through the same routine as we go up. Muriel pauses to talk in between branches, explaining that his parents had not abandoned him, but he just didn’t know what had happened to them. He explains how he met Asra, and their eventual decision to go to the forest. “I had watched and helped some people build their houses at the outskirts of the city when I was a little older than you are, and once I thought I knew enough we went to the woods to build the hut. It took most of the spring and summer. I had to fix a few things as we got older, like the fireplace and the roof, but it was worth it to escape the city.” When we get down again I don’t even recognize that my legs feel sore, too many questions going through my head to even think about it.

I ask a few more questions as we walk, most of them just verification of Asra’s retelling of their childhoods together. Those seem to make him a bit less nervous, and I get to hear some of the stories that Asra never told, like the fact that when they first met my ma was because Faust had tried to climb in through her window at the shop.

“First time I actually met your mother was at the shop as well, and she was still pregnant with you.”

“Actually?”

“Yeah. Your ma and her aunt were celebrating the solstice, and Matty had invited Asra and I. I hadn’t gone to the coliseum yet so I wasn’t as nervous about going somewhere like that if it had been a few months ago.”

“Did you like her then?”

“Hm?” The next charm is on top of a big rock that we’re approaching, so Muriel gets that one by himself pretty fast. It’s quiet for a minute before he answers. “I don’t really know. At the time I knew that she was someone who’d befriended someone I cared about, and I was really just making sure they were safe there.” He hits the ground with a thud, dusting his hands off and sitting down against the rock. I sit down with him and watch Wojtek try to play with Inanna. “I remember that she was more focused on making sure we all ate than making an impression, and that she enjoyed playing the banjo your aunt gave her. She fell asleep before everyone else though. I carried her up the stairs.”

“And me.”

“Yeah, I suppose I did. Don’t tell her I said that though. She won’t let me live it down.” I think he might be joking since he laughs after he says that, but I still won’t tell ma. “Let me know when you’re ready to go to the next one, we’ll take a rest for now.”

Inanna watches as Wojtek races around her, sighing when he starts to slow down a bit and walking off into the forest when she’s done entertaining him.

The clouds in the sky begin to gather, and the air begins to smell like it’s going to rain. I stand up immediately, but Muriel just kinda relaxes into the rock.

“We need to go back.” I jump up and down in front of him, pulling my sweater out of my bag and over my head to avoid any droplets. He takes a minute to stand up, dusting off his hands and unwrapping the cloth from them.

I try to make a run for it, keeping my sweater over my head and ignoring how my bag thumps against my legs. Wojtek runs ahead of me, his ears flopping and his fur getting soaked within a few seconds once the rain turns from a sprinkle to a downpour.

I’m not a fan.

I love the rain… when I am inside. However, when I am outside, it becomes difficult to enjoy. The water is cold and makes me shiver, making my clothes feel weird and stick to my skin. My hair gets frizzy and tickles my ears and touches my neck in a way that I just can’t stand.

Heavy footsteps follow behind me, getting closer and closer until I feel heavy furs wrapped around me and my body lifted up over someone’s shoulder.

Muriel gets us back to the camp faster that way, and I don’t think he breaks a sweat the entire time despite all the climbing that we did.

The magicians in the camp work to make shields over the fires to keep them from going out and the people huddled around them dry. Almost everyone else has resigned to staying in their tents.

The tent ma and Muriel stay in is filled with light, and ma opens the flap before we can. “No entry until you’re dry, come here.” She laughs as she lifts her hands, filled with a warm light that sends away all the water from our clothes and prevents any more from getting on. “Leave your shoes too, they’re caked in mud.” I don’t even wiggle around much before I feel her take my shoes from me, and Muriel sets me inside the tent. I’m still wrapped up in the cloak so I lose my balance and fall to the ground, and judging by the laugh I hear from outside ma definitely saw.

Untangling myself from the cloak takes a minute, and once I’m out of that I can see that ma has Muriel sitting on the ground while she dries his hair with a fluffy towel. He reminds me of when we have to dry off Wojtek with towels, the rare smile on his face proof that he might be enjoying it.

I always feel like I’m intruding whenever I see them like this. It’s weird, I know. I don’t know how to explain. I’m not jealous, I know that. However, I’ve never really witnessed openly romantic relationships up close. Zia Matty tells me about herself and Husain, the archeologist she’s married to. I’ve seen people on dates or strolls throughout the city, but I’ve never seen anything besides that.

Thunder claps outside of the tent, and lightning follows soon after, making the darkness of the forest outside not as heavy.

“It seems we’re in for some worse weather than we thought, huh?” Ma pulls out her bag, embroidered with bees and violets on the cloth, setting it on the ground and pulling out paint brushes, paint and paper. “Good thing we had plans for stuff that we can do inside, but first!” She turns to me, pulling another towel from the makeshift clean laundry pile in a corner of the tent. “Devo farti i capelli, sembri un piccolo leone.”

I don’t have to scoot very far to be close enough that she can do my hair, but it is funny to watch Muriel’s face as he tries to piece together what she said with context clues.

Ma talks to the both of us as she does my hair, stuff about her morning and how the meetings went. I can tell she’s leaving a few details out since I’m here, but I’m not sure I would want to know anyway.

The feeling of the brush in my hair is a familiar one, bringing up both pleasant and bad memories. I hated having my hair brushed when I was little, and would run away from anyone who tried to do my hair in the first place. Asra said that it took a while for ma, Finn and them to find a hairbrush that I wouldn’t scream at, and we still use the same one years later. She rubs one of the oils we managed to get from the shop in her hands, rosemary and mint, another familiar scent that almost immediately makes me relax a bit more. She always puts it on my scalp, massaging it in and combing whatever’s left on her hands through the rest of my hair. Asra likes to joke that it’s why my hair grows so fast. The longest I’ve grown it was down to my waist, but that was before ma got sick, and when she woke up most of her hair had been cut off.

That was the only haircut that I ever asked for.

Muriel tells her about how our morning went, finding a few of his own things within the tidy piles of stuff we have in the tent. He uses a knife to carve into a block of wood, the chips curling when they fall to the floor. It’s nice to watch, and I nearly fall asleep before ma’s done braiding my hair away from my face and down my spine. It’s still a little damp when she’s done, and it will probably stay like that until tomorrow because of the weather and just how much hair there is.

Even with the storm raging outside, it’s nice and cozy inside of the tent. The spells were put on all the tents when we first got out here to prevent leaking and damage still intact thanks to daily check-ins.

We sit around the lantern, each person focused on their own tasks and almost completely silent. It’s not awkward, for once. If anything, it feels right.

The paintbrush in my hand glides on the paper, leaving streaks of color over white that will soon longer show through. My favorite things to paint are mammoths, an animal that I’ve always loved. A majority of my books back home are about them, and I’m pretty sure Zia Matty and Asra are to blame. Matty liked to show off her illusions before bed, something she did with my ma and her brother when they were little, and with me before she fled from the plague. Her favorite one’s to do were often about ice-age animals, talking about the theories about them and what we know so far. Asra likes to say that they encouraged my interest in them after they crocheted my stuffed mammoth for me. Finn helped me gather my collection of books about them due to his job, even making a cast of a mammoth's tooth as a gift for my birthday one year.

I hope none of it has been destroyed by the raiders.

While the rain continues to pour outside, it’s warm and dry inside of the tent. The fabric of the tent is a deep blue, a little taller than most of the other tents around the camp so that Muriel can stand up in it for the most part. Furs cover the floor, keeping it warm compared to the cool ground. More furs are piled on one side of the tent, the makeshift bed ma and Muriel have been using. A chest of clothes and useful things from home is next to the bed, flowers painted all over it adding color to the space without looking odd.

Most of the noise from inside the tent comes from the sounds of Muriel’s knife scraping against the wood block, or ma’s erratic sketching on her paper. I look over and see that ma is painting a field of rolling hills with tiny blue flowers. Mine is almost finished, since I painted what I had seen in my dreams last night. It’s not as good as ma’s painting, but she’s an artist for a living and an adult so she would be better anyway. I scoot closer to ma and show her the painting I did. She takes it from my hands carefully, blowing on the paper to help dry it while looking at it. Her brows furrow while she looks at the paper. We spend a few minutes like that, just looking at the painting. It makes my heart beat faster and my throat feel tight because I’m worried I did something wrong, but she pulls me close again and sets the paper down.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head, and scoot back to my spot to grab more paper and my paint brushes again. I can see out of the corner of my eye that Muriel moves his head so that he can see the painting, and moves closer to ma to whisper something in her ear before going back to his carving.

I’m painting mammoths again. The field they walk in is covered in frost and small patches of vegetation, just like Zio Finn said they would. I like to paint them with bright colors though, using purples and blues and greens with the normal brown paints instead of just shades of brown. Ma is still working on her flower painting, adding small details with a thin brush and a careful hand. She’s used to tattooing skin and taking her time with it, so her paintings normally have a lot of tiny details that most people don’t notice in them. Muriel’s carving is starting to take shape too, and I’m starting to notice that he’s looking at my stuffie a lot in order to carve the mammoth.

The rain refuses to clear up, pouring harder with each hour that passes. The thunder and lightning doesn’t slow down either, and I wonder if we’re at risk of flooding. Muriel makes me think that he can read minds sometimes because right after I thought of that he told us that he built the hut here because it hardly ever floods, and if it does he has charms and protective spells around his hut to prevent leaks. He and ma enforce the charms on the tent for the same reason, checking the storm protecting thingy on top and drying themselves off when they come back inside. Muriel has me help him make more protective charms to put up directly outside of the camp and when we’re done with that I get out one of the books I managed to take with me and read while ma and Muriel do… whatever it is they do.

It was stupid to think we’d have a peaceful day.

The raiders attack when the sky is at its darkest, sending shouts through the camp and startling all of us in the tent. Ma tells me to stay put while she and Muriel go and help everyone, putting on her boots and cloak and leaving me alone in the tent.

I fiddle with the necklace my dad gave me and hold my stuffie while I wait for them to get back, rocking back and forth on the blankets and looking around the tent to keep myself busy. It’s hard to do anything else when I’m worried about my ma getting hurt or worse, and it feels like time moves slower while they’re gone.

It takes a while for them to get back, and when they do Muriel has a cut on his leg. Ma cleans it up and heals it, but falls asleep right after so he helps her into the furs and removes her shoes and cloak. I’ve seen her fall asleep after using a lot of magic, but never just from a healing spell.

“She fought pretty hard… no wonder she’s exhausted.” Muriel stacks the furs on top of her, brushing her hair out of her face and taking off the green bandana she has over her hair. “Are you alright?” I nod, finger combing the fur of my stuffie and rocking back and forth. “I… there has been a lot going on lately and if you need to talk to someone… I don’t mind.” I set my stuffie down to sign, my head tilted to the side.

“I’m okay.” I don’t actually know if I’m okay or not, but I tell him I am anyway. He sits with my ma for a few more minutes, not really doing anything when he grabs his carving stuff again. I watch as the wood curls when he pushes the knife against it, the pile on the floor slowly growing.

“Do you want to try?” He’s already carved out a rough shape for it, and he’s started working on details. “I’m not sure if your mom would be okay with you handling knives, but I started learning when I was about your age, and I’ll be right next to you.” I think his logic makes sense, so I move to sit cross legged on the cushions next to him and watch him carve the wood. He explains a few things while he does, and then hands the wood and knife to me. He shows me how to hold my thumb against the knife to guide it and how to keep my fingers away from the knife's path.

Muriel has taken over carving the wood by dinner time again, but he’s given me one of his older pieces to paint. It’s a carving of a bear, but I paint it green and blue with tiny flowers all over it.

Ma sits up and rubs her eyes, looking at us and at the top of the tent. “What time is it?”

“It’s close to sundown, if I had to guess.” Muriel puts his things away, looking at my ma when he’s done.

“I’m going to guess you two waited to eat until I was awake again?” I nod, bouncing my leg and still painting. “Well we should get started on that then…”

“You should rest, MJ.” Muriel tries standing, but while his leg is healed it must still hurt because he hisses through his teeth when he stands.

“You should too, but alas we are both adults here who need to eat and I’ve gotta feed this one here too.” She says all of this with a smile, standing up and ruffling my hair. Both of them end up working together to make something, ma heading out to the camp to check up on Asra once we had everything started. Dinner is okay, but I miss being able to cook on the stove back home. Even the fireplace in Muriel’s hut would be better, but he’s lent it to the Satrinava’s and Mazelinka uses it to cook for a lot of people at once most of the time. I show ma the carving Muriel let me paint after we’re done cleaning up, and I start to head to bed. Wojtek still isn’t back, but he’d be soaked anyway, so I start to get ready to go to sleep.

When I start to open the flaps of the tent, Muriel stands up, the carving he’d been working on in his hands. “Put this next to your pillow… it should help.” He hands it to me, and when I look closer at it I realize he’d carved runes into the back and the belly of the mammoth. I can see ma watching from the bed where she’s rearranging the furs and pillows before bed. She’s not very discreet.

“Thank you.” I sign to Muriel before heading to bed, doing a small spell to keep the rain from touching me before I get inside my tent.

I think the carving works, because I don’t have scary dreams that night.

[tokkiiecloud]

lol, so I saw a few posts about Belphie’s card and went on the game just to see him, saw the prologue and..I couldn’t stop laughing from the MC and the kings just like “WE NEED THEMMM AHVSHSGDJDHJDHDJ” so here I wrote this small thing lmao :

Running away mission :

It was a normal day in hell, actually heaven no it wasn’t at all, this weird phenomenon dude appeared and for some reason ALL the kings turned beastly! The only ones that aren’t on my track are Lucifer ; Belphegor and Asmodeus, which is the biggest Blessing ever! Now to escape those breeding crazed maniacs….

First one to dodge is Satan, which is actually pretty easy just steal one of his motorcycle and run away while looking extremely badass.

Second Mammon. After arriving at Tartaros, just gotta find a teleporter (sadly in the palace) and end up in Abyssos…

Which third and probably hard one Beelzebub, this fucker as an extraordinary scent, so maybe if I go see Bael while dodging the other three who might try to capture me I’ll be able to get out of here just avoid those freaking flies at all costs!

Okay made it out and now I’m…in Hades…WHY SO MANY PEOPLE LOOKING FOR ME?!—

Something grabs Tae Hyun as they float in the air and start punching the air very aggressively :

“FORAS! YOU CUTE BASTARD!! LET ME GO THIS INSTANT!!”

“My apologies…I must take you to see our Majesty I have been running around to get you all day you’re not very easy to catch…and you also go too fast on a motorcycle I fell off…” Foras feels sick, remembering the moment they had hoped on the motorcycle, happily blushing to be able to be so close to the son of Solomon, when suddenly he hears a shout and Satan was chasing them with another motorcycle, while laughing maniacally and Tae Hyun had pumped up the gas and he fell off-

Tae Hyun struggles as another man grabs them using roses ivy, his voice as bright as the sunshine.

“Haha! You really made our poor Foras run around Son of Solomon!”

Tae Hyun glares at the man and pouts angrily, “I’ll find a way out just you see!”

Arriving at Leviathan’s palace, he personally ties up Tae Hyun :

“I’ve been in your head, I know how you think. You were tiring to catch but now I can finally have you to myself to win the contest.”

“Do you really think so? Cause I’m already gone~”

*illusion dissipates and a laugh echoes through the palace*

“…they’re in the walls..! THEY ARE IN THE GODDAMN WALLS?!”

(I had to use that meme I’m sorry)

“Finally! Successfully escaped! Now I’m back to Tartaros…”

A golden hand suddenly appears under Tae Hyun grabbing them :

“Mammon….” They said.

“Master! I found them” He said smiling with his phone out

On the other side of the phone call was Levi, Beel and Satan

Levi : “Hey make sure they don’t suddenly disappear!”

Mammon : “of course I wo-…Master?”

The golden hand had dissolved and Tae Hyun disappeared along with it.

All of the kings : “…”

“they were right on the teleporter weren’t they?” Leviathan asked.

And then that’s when they call Belphegor! And after that they were on their way to Abaddon until Belphie decided to use Monster #7’s power to get Tae Hyun who were scared as hell cause they are scared of the dark.

And also they ran to Bathin and Andrealphus the moment they saw him like :

“Huh…wtf? *looks around* …..*spots Bathin and Andrealphus* BATHIN AND BABYGIRL!! 😭😭”

*runs to hug them, completely ignoring Belphie and Beleth*

“Am I in Niflheim??” Tae Hyun asked not letting go Bathin smiles and pets their hair and Andrealphus does his best to hug them back smiling softly

“Ah you caught me off guard” Andrealphus said

“Yes you are indeed in Niflheim” Bathin says

And after that the card goes as the same story y’all I still don’t have that card and do I want to farm? Not really but do I have to? I’m hella curious about the card story… maybe I don’t know also I had to reinstall that whole game

[bartxnhood]

sorry’s never enough | c.h

calum hood x fem!reader

summary: you’re betrayed again by your boyfriend, who just can’t seem to keep his promise

warnings: angst, no happy ending, kinda toxic relationship, arguing (it’s a short one)

a/n: surprise ! this is kinda weird for me to post randomly and not tell anyone but i this randomly hit me. also i feel like i should note, i know i’ve written many fics of this scenario and it seems to be a common theme with calum fics but this in no way shape or form represents calum hood as a person. this is strictly fiction and written for entertainment purposes. thank you.

not proofread

requests open

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

you should’ve expected it, from the moment he stepped out the door and got on that plane. you should’ve known better.

he was going to do it, it was only a matter of time before the evidence got back to you. it was just a waiting game for you. would he keep his promise?

no. he doesn’t care.

that morning you woke up, like usual, nothing was out of the ordinary. you got out of bed, made it, and took duke outside to do his business. everything was going normally. until it wasn’t.

you finished breakfast, put away the dirty dishes, and decided to take a scroll on your phone. your boyfriend's tour was coming to an end and it had been one beautiful tour. he seemed to be having the time of his life, and he was even happier it seemed. and it made you feel better about your relationship. you thought, for just a second, that maybe, just maybe, he kept his word.

but when you got the notification from sierra your heart sank. the pictures and the videos of calum at a bar with another girl. his arm slung around her waist as he kisses her, his hand on her jaw. it made you feel sick to your stomach, looking at the photos. sierras message ended with ‘im sorry, hun.’ you felt the tears swelling in your eyes and the aching in your chest had returned.

how could he do this to you?

“hey babe” calum enters the house, walks to you and presses a kiss on your cheek. he noticed you didn’t acknowledge him, so as he was setting his bags down he turned to you. “is everything okay?” you laid your phone down on the counter and slid it over to him. “i don’t know, is it?” you asked, your voice stung like venom. calum looks down at the phone which revealed an article that read: “calum hood spotted with mystery girl at a london nightclub. what happened with his girlfriend? or now, ex-girlfriend’

you saw his expression sour, pushing the phone back towards you. “so?” you asked again. he had no answer, and you saw the gears turning in his head trying to come up with another excuse. “i’m sorry.”

that’s all he had to say? after everything? everything you’ve done for him. all the sacrifices you made just to be with him. that’s all? "don't apologize if you are just going to keep doing this shit, apologize when you're actually going to change because im tired of having my hopes crushed every time" you were livid, your chest burned with anger. even looking at him made your feel sick. calum tan his fingers through his hair, huffing quietly. “if you would ever go on tour with us, this would never happen.” "oh, so i'm the one at fault?" "that's not what i'm saying-" "well, it jolly well sure sounds like it!"

“I don't want to do this with you." "that's what you always say whenever I'm trying to talk some sense into you." you rubbed your temples. talking was him wasn’t always this hard, in the beginning, he was the most caring person but as time went on he grew distant. “i’ve given you my life, calum. i made sacrifices for us to be together. i dropped everything just to be with you, you choose to do this to me? after everything?”

you heard a groan come from his side followed by yet another huff. this wasn’t the first time calum had cheated on you, and you should’ve known it wouldn’t be the last time either but you chose to talk it out and overcome the pain and suffering. you thought it had worked, but obviously, it didn’t. “i never asked you to do anything of that either, y/n. you chose to put your life on hold because of me. i didn’t”

“and you never stopped me!” you yelled, throwing your hands up in the air. “what do you want from me, calum? am i not good enough for you anymore? what am i doing wrong, please just tell me!” by this point, you were starting to break. tears welled in your eyes and your face flushed red. “it isn’t you.” he stated matter-a-factly. you couldn’t help but laugh at his response. “it isn’t me?” you repeated, and once again pushed your phone towards him. “the evidence proves otherwise cal.”

calum knew he was hurting you, he knew he put you through hell and back and that you didn’t deserve it. there was no excuse for what he did to you, he just never wanted to face the truth. “you never change do you, calum? you never fucking change.” you snatched your phone away from the counter, and looked at him one last time. “i’ve had enough, calum. i’m done. i can’t believe i loved you” you pointed in his face, and maybe it came out harsher than expected but at that point, you were so tired.

his eyes shot up at the word ‘loved’ it made his heart stop. surely he heard that wrong, right? “loved?” he asked, following you into the hallway where you were heading but you didn’t respond. you entered the shared bedroom “i’ve been pretending to love you for a long time, calum.” he saw the bags sitting atop the bed. two duffel bags and a large suitcase, “what do you mean?”

a dry chuckle left your throat, “i mean, i’ve been faking it since the first time you done this, i thought for a while that you had changed but obviously you didn’t. and frankly i’m tired of waiting time hoping you’d come around.” you grab a few of the bags ready to head out the door as your friend had texted you that she was on her way. “calum, i did love you. i loved you for years, and maybe we were meant to be together but i can trust you when you go out and get with these other girls. i’m sorry”. you pressed the softest kiss on his cheek.

“don’t come looking for me, just focus on yourself, calum.”

you saw the tears in his eyes, he was guilty and regretful for what he has done to you. “i’m sorry.” you nod, “i know you are.”

[calmasyoghurt]

The joker out pride project.

One last chapter, in the form of letters. Also on ao3.

Chapter 30, prompt 27. Future/growing old.

January 4th 2023

My dear Nace. One month ago today I asked you to be my boyfriend. You said yes. It’s one of the best yes’s I’ve heard in my life. It got me the blessing of getting to stay over at your place, the blessing of kissing you good morning and good night, and the blessing of getting your mighty D. Sorry for that last part, but it had to be said. But that yes also got me a new years kiss. A new years kiss sweeter than any I’ve had before. When you pulled away, you didn’t wish me a happy new year, but a happy birthday instead. None of the other new year kisses I’ve had have even known my birthday. But you do, and you made sure to make that the subject of the first words you spoke this year.

One day I might let you know how special you make me feel. One day I might let you read this letter. One day I might tell you that I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved before. Because I do. Maybe I’m a lovesick idiot, or maybe I’m a sick idiot in love. Either way, I want you in my life for as long as you’ll let me have you.

With love, from Jan.

***

February 3rd 2023

My dear Nace. Yesterday you officially met my parents for the first time. They absolutely loved you. It doesn’t surprise me, it’s quite difficult not to love you. Or maybe that’s just my opinion, seeing how I’m madly in love with you. I told you that yesterday too. Maybe I didn’t use those exact words, but as we were on our way to my parents house I told you that I love you for the first time. Your smile got so big, showing of those adorable dimples. Then you said you love me too and it made my heart melt. You make me so happy. Once again, I want you in my life for as long as you’ll let me have you.

With love, from Jan.

***

June 1st 2023

My dear Nace. Today is the first day of pride month. Today we told the rest of the band that we’re together. Of course, Kris already knew. You knew that Kris knew. I tell him everything about me the second it happens. But he’s a really good secret keeper, he didn’t even tell Bojan. But today we told Bojan and Jure too. They were nothing but happy for us. It would have been weird otherwise, seeing how they’re also in gay relationships with people in the band/crew. I'm so happy for us too. I'm happy that I finally found a guy that I can see a future with. Because I can, I see a future with you Nace. I can see us moving in together, growing old together, maybe even getting married. If we do get married, then I'll give you these letters then. I'll continue to write to you until that day.

With love, from Jan.

***

December 4th 2023

My dear Nace. One year ago today, you woke up and decided that after fucking me three times, you were finally sure that you were gay. You woke me up and told me so before fucking me once more. Just as we were coming down from our orgasms, I asked you to be my boyfriend. I was nervous for no reason, because you said yes. Now we've been together for a year, one of the best ones of my life. Not only because of you, but for the things we've achieved with the band. When we get back home, this time we'll come home to our home for the first time. You've moved in with me, and I couldn't be happier. You weren't spending that much time in your own place anyways. You're now officially my live in partner. I like that.

With love, from Jan.

***

Febuary 19th 2024

My dear Nace. We almost went public with our relationship. Damon took pictures of us, ones of us kissing. We almost posted them, but I got scared. I realised I'm not brave enough to have the entire world know. We're going on tour, and if we would have made it public, everyone would have asked questions I'm not comfortable answering. I hope you understand that. You said you do. I love you so much for always understanding. I love you so much for all the other things too. I want you in my life for as long as you’ll let me have you. Maybe I'll ask you to marry me sometime.

With love, from Jan.

***

December 4th 2024

My dear Nace. I haven’t written a letter like this for a long time. Instead I’ve spend time with the version of you I have right now. The best version of you, the one I’ve had, have, and will have right in front of me. It doesn’t matter if you change, the way you are when we’re alone, together, will always be my favorite version of you. Right now, you’re sleeping in my bed, our bed, and you’re as beautiful as usual. It’s almost weird to think how for the past year, my bed has also been your bed. You, who have been my love for the past two years. I’m looking forward to so many more. Now I'll try to go to bed so that you can wake me up with anniversary-breakfast-in-bed in the morning.

With love, from Jan.

***

June 2nd 2025

My dear Nace. We met your parents yesterday. You were so nervous. I was too, to be honest, but I tried not to let it show. I thought it would be akward, you were scared that they'd change their mind about being in contact. But everything went alright. Maybe they won't be walking a pride parade anytime soon, but at least they want you in their life again. They don't even seem to dislike me, so I'm satisfied with the visit. When we got home you were so happy. I was happy for you. Your family is not only made up of the band anymore, but your parents as well.

With love, from Jan

***

June 20th 2025

My dear Nace. It's been a weird couple of days. We've finally come out publicly. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. We all did it together, the entire band. It feels better that way. I wrote in my Instagram post that I've found a boy I'm willing to marry. It's a true statement. For the first time ever I'm sure about wanting to get married. Yesterday I told you me and Kris were going out for coffee. In reality, we went to a jewler so that we both could buy engagement rings. I'll ask you to marry me when we go on vacation in August. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you.

With love, from Jan.

***

August 14th 2025

My dear Nace. It's rather comical how it all turned out. We went on a hike today, and I had planned to propose to you by a waterfall. But when we got there, you got to it before I could. You got down on one knee, and asked me to marry you. Of course I said yes. I decided that you couldn't completely steal my idea, so when you'd put the ring on my finger, I pulled my own ring box out of my pocket. By the time I was down on one knee, we were both laughing so much I could barley ask the question. But when I did, you said yes. So, you're officially not my boyfriend anymore. You're my beautiful fiancé who I'll love and cherish forever. I can't wait until we're husbands.

With love, from Jan.

***

May 3rd 2026

My dear Nace. We've managed to plan a wedding in just eight and a half months. Not that it will be a big one, but it has still been hectic. Tomorrow we'll be walking down the isle, together, to become husbands. We'll be getting ready together too. The guys will be there, but I'll make sure to get a moment alone for just the two of us. It's then that I'll give you these letters. I'll give you all of them, and I'll hope you'll like them. Now, one last sleep before you're mine and I'm yours until death do us apart.

With love, from Jan.

***

June 30th 2089

My dear Nace. It's your birthday today. You would have been 95. But you're not here anymore. I got more than 66 years with you, and I couldn't have enjoyed them more. Your smile and laugh could make my entire day better. Your smile was the last expression I ever saw you do. You said 'we'll meet again, soon'. I took your hand and it made you smile. Then you closed your eyes and suddenly you were just gone. I miss you so much, every day. But we'll meet again, soon. I'm not that young myself either, I won't be staying here for too long. Now I will wrap this letter up. Then our lovely granddaughter Sofia will take me to your grave so that I can leave this for you there. The head stone we got is really nice, just the way we said we would have it. My name and date of birth is already on it. They'll just have to add the day I die when they've put me down next to you. At some point we'll be together again. I still love you, so much.

With love, from Jan.

[strangestofthings12]

Okay this is going to be a very rambling post because I’m tired and can’t sleep until I yell about this a little so here I am to vent on a throw away account😅

Scott McCall is a character that I don’t always love and I’m not going to lie and pretend like he is my favorite anything because he’s not. Everyone who I’ve talked about teen wolf with can tell you I have my issues with him and honestly with the writing of the show in general. BUT I will never understand the hate for him. I’ve been thinking about it because I was doom scrolling TikTok for a bit before I had to go to work and came across a video talking about how horrible Scott is and the thing is that they literally made zero valid points (to me at least. I am aware I am bias and I have a bad habit of doubling down on liking a character if I think someone is being unfair or anything so I don’t know). One of her points was literally that Scott “uses Derek as a weapon after dosing him with kanima (I can’t spell don’t tell me if that’s wrong I’ll cry😌) venom” which…… doesn’t happen?? I just rewatched the show recently and I’ll admit I don’t really like season 2 and I have issues with quite a bit of it but Gerard is trying ti play Scott because he has something over him. Allison. Derek would(probably) never bite Gerard willingly and Gerard knows this. But he thinks he can outplay and force Scott in a position where he has to choose between Allison and him being a werewolf. Derek is already paralyzed when Scott is put in this position. This would’ve happened no matter what. Scott just outsmarted Gerard because he and Deaton had a plan. One that Scott doesn’t really tell anyone. We as an audience don’t even know so why would Scott tell DEREK?!? Derek who has done anything to earn his trust they are ally’s and that is it. They aren’t friends (yet?) (I don’t know Derek is weird😭). I don’t know if any of this makes sense but what can you do. I can and probably will talk about it more but I am running in like three or four hours of sleep in like the past two days and I’m sick so this is just to help my brain shut up I doubt anyone is reading anyways😅

Now another thing is she said that Scott letting Deucalion live was irresponsible. One he is a teenager…… two Scott beloved in second chances. Oh no😭 he’s such a bad person because he doesn’t think people and irredeemable and deserve to die😭😭 I have never seen people say stuff like that for superhero’s who do that same thing unless they are people who think the punisher is a role model. Now I’m sure people have but from what I’ve seen it doesn’t really happen and we literally see Deucalion being better!!! Like??? Also she said that Theo deserves to die and I’m not going to turn this into a Theo post but how are you going ti get mad at someone being used as a weapon (I still think that dumb but can at least kinda see where she’s coming from) then say that the kid who has been manipulated and twist into the worst version of himself so that he can be a weapon deserves to be dead. Mind you Scott literally isn’t the reason Theo isn’t still in the Skin-walker prison?? Like Scott immediately wants to send him back?? Liam is the one who keeps him out because he is in love thinks Theo will be useful

Last thing (for now) is People who say the Acott is a horrible friend to Stiles. I don’t get it. At all. Like I am convinced we watched a different show?? ESPECIALLY IF THEY MENTION SCOTT NOT TAKING STILES SIDE WHEN HE FOUND OUT THE STILES KILLED DONOVAN. Nobody was actually communicating in that scene which was Theo’s whole plan(I’m sorry Theo baby I love you but I will always throw you under the bus with this😔 I have to. It is literally entirety your fault) Scott was never going to be okay with what Theo told him Stiles did. Theo used the guilt and fear that stiles was feeling to get in his head. Stiles was scared because he just fucking killed someone. He didn’t know what to do. Scott literally apologized after he found out the truth and made sure stiles knew he still loved him. I don’t get why so many people seem to think that Scott being manipulated means he’s a bad friend?? Like he and stiles werent seeing eye to eye about Theo from the moment they saw him because Scott is to trusting and Stiles to distrustful but Scott is listening and literally on stiles side UNTIL Theo gets in Scotts head. Theo wanted to drive everyone away from Scoot and turn them against him so he used Scott’s weakness. Wanting to trust and see the good in people and then he made Stlies, one of the only people who would always be by Scott (and vice versa), into a gray area when everything was already scary and new and just not going well. WHICH IS LITERALLY THE PLAN??

Anyways this is way to long and if you read this all I’m sorry and thank you?? I need ti go to sleep. Hopefully I can🙄

[noah-liketheboat]

I’ve recently begun using a wheelchair. Here’s the scoop.

I also started using forearm crutches even more recently but we’ll get to that in a second post bc this one got too long

I got my chair for $325 on OfferUp. It’s a motion composites Helio A6, and it has some fancy cushions on it. All in all I got it like 88% off of original price and it’s in pristine condition. Well, it was, until I brought it home and within 24 hours my cat scratched the (pink!!) paint job and put holes in the cushions. Thanks Misty. It now lives in the back of the car for its protection.

I put a clip-on cup holder on it and purple/white spoke covers. It’s pretty sick.

I use my wheelchair instead of walking/standing probably 30-40% of the time.

Personally

Oh my god it’s helped so much. I have so much more energy. I don’t flinch when I stand or walk. I can wait in line for food. I’m not dizzy, embarrassingly sweaty, and spacey just from standing in line anymore.

Because the previous owner spent literally $1,000 on special cushions (seat and back), I have the comfiest seat in any room 96% of the time. 10/10 would recommend. It helps with the back pain too obvi but first and foremost it’s so comfy.

I can go to the zoo. I get into the zoo for free because college but I can’t ever go because I can’t tolerate walking and standing for so long. But now I can go to the zoo!

I have more energy at the end of the day to participate in household chores and life. Before this, all my time was spent either in school or trying to recover enough to go to school again. Even doing my homework was difficult because of the fatigue, let alone date nights, hobbies, cooking dinner, sweeping the floors… it caused a lot of tension between me and my partner as well as my general being miserable.

Very steep learning curve. Very steep strength curve.

The ramp to my math class isn’t a steep grade but it’s long. When I started using it, I had to wheel up backwards. I got out of breath very easily and my shoulders were always aching something awful after going between classes. Now that hill is quite manageable and I only have sore shoulders if I’m going really fast or really far.

Wheelies. An unexpected but important skill. One that I am not good at. It took me weeks to get my wheels off the ground at all, but once I did I had a huge improvement and quickly was able to get my wheels ~6 or 8 inches off the ground. I still can’t sustain it though. I use them to go over bumps and get started up awkward ramps sometimes.

It’s been an amazing improvement to my life. I’m more independent, in less pain, happier, and more energetic. I should’ve done it earlier.

Observations:

People are weird. They talk to me more. Like, strangers ask me how my day is going in the elevator, people make small talk when they hold the door. This isn’t necessarily negative, but it is weird.

Kids stare. Adults also stare but they try to hide it. I don’t mind when kids stare though. They’re just curious and unaware.

I’m always a little nervous to ever stand up or walk out in public in case someone either thinks it’s a miracle and starts praising the lord or like hate-crimes me for “faking.”

When I wheeled in to all my classes after spring break, my teachers and seat mates were all instantly “oh my god what happened are you ok???” It’s a little awkward to explain that it’s just nerve damage that’s been getting worse.

People usually say “I’m so sorry” or “I hope you get/feel better soon!” And it’s like. I know their intentions are good, of course, but I don’t want people to be sorry! This has been an amazing life change for me! Also I’m not getting better, certainly not any time soon, and conversation gets awkward after that.

I think when I tell people it’s not really a “get better” thing, I think they at least subconsciously think it’s terminal or something?? Like. I’m not dying of nerve damage. I had nerve damage before spring break too. It’s just I finally decided to do something besides suck it up and hope I can make it through the day.

My campus is not as accessible as I once thought. The main culprit? UNLEVEL SIDEWALKS. They are the bane of my existence. My right arm will be pumping like my life depends on it and my left will be almost doing nothing. And then later when I’m doing the other way it’ll be the opposite.

There’s no ramp on the other side of one of the buildings I walk through to get to class. That was awkward.

There’s also a lot of cobblestone-type walking areas. Not only are they hella bumpy to wheel on, but they’re old and not well maintained. The cracks between slabs and the potholes can and will eject me from my chair if I’m not careful.

Funny story #1:

I rolled into the disability center on campus to take a test, as per usual (extended time and testing environment accommodations) and they had me wait while they got everyone else seated, which was weird, and then the testing coordinator came over to me and sat down next to me and was like “heyy how are you?” And I was like “I’m good, I’m good! Ah, well—*gestures to chair* yknow.” And she goes “Yeahh of course… so is this… new?”

Is it new??? Ma’am you see me every three weeks on the dot for tests, and every time for the past two years I’ve walked in on my own two feet, and today I come rolling in as I’ve transgendered into a vehicle. Yeah it’s new!!

Don’t worry I didn’t say that. I said “yeah, well, kind of. The chair is new, but the reasons aren’t. It’s just helping me a lot and my life is easier with it.” or smthn like that and she was like “oh ok good cool great”

Anyways, she just needed to tell me essentially that she would have me take my test at a height-adjustable table. Same room, same everything. Just instead of sitting in a test cubby I’d be at what’s essentially one of those standing desks. I was all nervous just for her to sit me at a table I can crank up and down like an old car window.

Funny Story #2

I’m rolling across the courtyard(??) in front of the library where they were having one of those random college of business things with tents everywhere. You’re aware. Just trying to get to class.

I hear “Hey! Excuse me, hey!” from behind me and I turn my head to see a girl frantically waving me down running across the grass. Naturally I’m intrigued.

She gets to me, a little out of breath, and then goes “Would you be interested in playing tennis?”

I look down at my chair. I look back up at her. “Ah… no…”

She was talking about adaptive tennis. Which I could’ve guessed probably but I was caught so off-guard and I was real confused.

She invited me to join the adaptive sports program/club thing, which is headed by a disabled professor but run entirely by able-bodied students (who get a class credit for volunteering with the organization, essentially). I told her I was really new so probably not, but I was willing to look into it. She gave me the professor’s email and I sent him an email like “hey one of your students flagged me down to talk abt adaptive sports but I’m shit at wheelchairing so probably not but I’d love to meet up and chat and get to know more about the program and stuff.”

It’s been a month. I haven’t gotten a reply or acknowledgement or anything.

All the stuff I can find about the program is obviously directed towards able-bodied students wanting them to volunteer or take the class. The Instagram has a post with each student in the class getting a slide with their lil intro and stuff. The professor only appears in group shots. At any rate I’m not that invested.

Personal Relations

Abled ppl when I told them I’m getting a wheelchair: oh no!! I’m so sorry!! What’s wrong!! That’s awful!! :((((

Disabled ppl when I told them I’m getting a wheelchair: omg that’s amazing I’m so happy for u :)

One exception to the able bodied trope: my youth group Bible study, surprisingly. I was sharing that I was really feeling a lot of turmoil about my decision and all that jazz and they were like “just do it. you already know it’s the right choice, and ur strong enough to do it” and they all “oohed” and “ahhed” when I rolled up with it next week. 10/10 queens.

My wheelchair has caused so many personal relationship issues in my life. So many.

Suddenly everyone’s a medical expert in me specifically. Everyone besides me knows what’s best, and what’s best is not a wheelchair. People who used to ask me what was wrong with them when they had a tickle in their throat or fell on their foot funny have apparently become scholars on complex hashimotos, nerve damage, neuropathy, and any and all suspected other conditions I may have. I wonder when they had time to do that, since they still don’t know how to care for a simple kitchen injury.

When I point out that the alternative to the wheelchair is constant+worsening pain and ask them if that’s what they think is best, these overnight medical experts get all huffy and don’t have an answer.

I have done extensive research about all my diagnosed conditions and possible ones over the course of many years. I’ve been in and out (mostly out) of at least a dozen doctor’s offices and done several rounds of different types of PT. I also live in my body 24/7. One of my earliest memories is of waking up my aunt at night during a sleepover because my nerve pain wouldn’t let me sleep. I wasn’t any older than 4. Back then the only words I had were leg cramps and growing pains.

I didn’t know my pain was abnormal for a long time. I’m good at hiding it. I’m good at “pushing through.” I experienced severe medical neglect, to the point of it being life-threatening, for nearly 2 years in the TTI and I was punished any time I tried to advocate for myself and my needs or really even talked about how I wasn’t physically well.

Basically I gave up trying to truly tell people how bad my quality of life was when I was about 16 because I wasn’t believed and I was often punished and/or had it used against me.

Nevertheless, everyone (read: my partner, my parents, and my partner’s parents) in my life thinks that I’m terrible awful wrong bad lying etc. for using the chair.

I’ve been using it for ~2 months and this is the first week my partner hasn’t argued with me about it or made an unnecessary comment. #1 worst thing they’ve said is that I’m “neglecting half of my body” by not walking 24/7. Oooh that made me mad. I do my PT almost every day, I stretch every day, I know exactly what almost every ache and pain originates from, I check in with my body constantly throughout the day. But I’m “neglecting it.” Not to mention that after my second appointment my Doctor specifically said he wants me using the chair until at least June.

My partner was originally very supportive, but then they talked to their mom and suddenly everything changed and they are borderline vindictive about my chair. Their mother is a Doctor, true, but most of her career she was a PICU nurse and also knows exactly nothing about my medical history except that I’m allergic to pecans and walnuts. Oh, and their dad has a friend who cured hashimotos by going gluten free, so obviously I’m just not trying hard enough or smthn. ((I’ve been almost gluten free before. No change.))

I cried every week about their attitude towards/comments about my chair except for this one. Every time I felt confident about it I would remember everything they said and my shoulders would physically slump. But no matter how many times I brought up how hurt and uncared for I was feeling, it ended up with me crying and them being either the same or more solid in their beliefs.

My therapist is a saint.

On the brightish side, my family and partner have finally begun taking my health and chronic issues seriously. I went to the Doctor two weeks after I got the chair and got started on a new medicine (a loop diuretic if anyone’s curious).

My mom keeps asking if I’m “better yet” and it’s really hurtful for some reason? She wants to know all my improvements, but when I start to say how my chair has helped so much, she cuts me off and says “no I mean the medicine.”

I am on the lowest dose they make, and I only take it every other day. I haven’t lost any weight since starting it (loop diuretics work by flushing excess water out of your body via peeing every twelve seconds, and this leads to weight loss. It’s estimated I’m carrying ~30lbs in water weight). Again, it’s been nearly two months. I’m the pissmaster 9000 every other day.

My mom at some point said she just “can’t accept that I’m in a wheelchair at 20.” My brother in Christ, what does that even mean? I’m not even using it full-time, or even the majority of the time.

I’ve had a follow up with my Doctor since I started but he kept me on the same dose even though I told him I haven’t lost any weight. Cest la vie.

He did tell me he wants me using the chair until at least June, and if all goes well he’ll start me in (another round of) PT, and it sounded like he wanted me doing decently intensive PT because he asked if I was in school in June and said it was good I wasn’t. If I go to PT, the chair usage advice will be passed on to them.

This post got far too long. I’ll split my crutches experience into a separate post and link it here once it’s up.

The chair herself. Yeah it’s in a bathroom don’t worry about it.

[regretfulcorrine]

Heeey everyone! So little explanation as to where I’ve been— I kinda took a dive for a while 🥲 Really sorry about that! ((tw// mentions of mental health and mushy gushy emotional stuff under the cut))

In terms of content, I’m sure y’all have seen my Hazbin spiral kinda take a front seat for a bit but I miss my Drarry boys. They have infected my heart too much for me to part from them for too long 😔 And I may or may not have joined/finished a special project filled with amazing people coming out soon involving them 👀

So on Insta and here you’ll see me dive back into my love for them more than on the bird app! I love the amazing people/Drarry artists I found on Twitter, but it’s also a very big place for the fandom to just hit the fan unfortunately 😭 And it’s small enough to where unlike a bigger fandom, it can be hard to avoid. Doesn’t help the anxiety so for now at least I post my boys more here. I honestly wanna just post more on here in general!

I of course will still post my Hazbin stuff but it’ll be just more of a mix on here in terms of what I draw is all 💃 Thank you for still being here 💖

I’ve never really mentioned my health too much before but I have pretty bad crippling anxiety. It’s hard to do a lot of stuff (go outside, talk to people, etc.) and it even at some points has affected me physically. Whether that’s me worrying myself sick or being so paranoid I don’t even wanna really do anything besides watch like silly videos. And because of that I’ve only been really able to focus on one platform and that for some reason just happened to be Twitter (which in hindsight may have…contributed to the anxiety due to the nature of Twitter….ANYWAYS) I have meds and have finally decided to participate in regular therapy, but of course there’s always those breakout episodes!

Idk if anyone else has this thing but it had been such a long time I was afraid. That so much time had passed people were mad for some reason or there would be issues 😭 BUT I’m very happy to have finally just bucked up enough to come back, if you’ll have me!

Ive really missed you guys, and the second I opened this app and decided to post it was literally like a breath of fresh air. It’s weird to say in our great year of 2024 that Tumblr of all places has become calming but here we are lmao

Thank you for reading my rambles and excuses I’m gonna make it up to y’all with some good old fashion boys kissing 💖

[soullessjack]

Hello sorry for an ask. I am very sick, my asthma is at its maximum level, my nose freezes, I have no medicine or food. I am in bad shape financially, I am a black disabled, who uses multiple medications, I pay for my food and lodging

Unfortunately I do not have all the resources to keep me safe, that is why I need your help, whatever you can contribute to me will be of great help.

there’s no way you thought this would work when this is the second time you’ve tried your little loser scam on my blog you stupid fuck 💀

anyways folks there’s a very common pattern I’ve noticed in some of these scams that I’d now like to point out to y’all

1) they’re extremely recent. 1-5 days old at best. this one is a day old.

2) they have that tumblr-generated name that never makes any sense, and if they try to make another blog again, the name is usually related in some way

3) they’ll almost always have this pfp and header. Sometimes the pfp changes (usually stolen from real campaigns) but the header is always the same. I shit you not I’ve already seen it so many times before now

4) their fundraiser or PayPal links are always multi-colored?? For some fucking reason?? and the name given on their account is either completely different from the name given on their blog, or they just don’t have a name given. they also have extremely minimal or vague information given about their identity, health issues etc.

5) they’ve used those specific tags — artists on tumblr, donations, free Palestine, etc — before. I use cross tags for donation posts as well but for someone who gives zero indication of being Palestinian, that’s a weird fucking tag to use for reach.

6) they usually reblog something related to activism, especially posts related to Palestine currently, but there’s always something else completely unrelated in there — like this fanfic.

I won’t go on a spiel about how that’s also a normal thing for nearly all blogs to do and isn’t always indicative of a scam, but for ones that claim to be in an active and severe health or housing crisis (hence their asking for donations) it’s something to look out for

again, these are just patterns and signs I’ve noticed personally from scams that I’ve been sent, I’m not an expert on any of this stuff. honestly just searching their username or other common scams on tumblr is a quick way to figure them out before you go ahead with anything else. but remember to stay safe and cautious, and know how to distinguish these from people who are actually in need.

[lucifers-little-light]

Lucifer mayyyyyy be pregnant

LONG POST AHEAD! I’m not formatting it because that is too long!

Also CW: Medical Exam ((that’s this entire post)), mild body shifting

Ozzie: *knocks on Lucifer’s door* Lu-Lu? Are you awake?

Lucifer: *has been awake all morning, puking his guts out — looks pastry in face, even his red circles are pale pink* Oz? What are you doing here?

Ozzie: Your daughter called, said you fainted which is very alarming since archangels don’t get sick. Even former ones.

Lucifer: *looks embarrassed* Sorry.

Ozzie: Now don’t be sorry Lu-Lu. I’ve been caught up with all of your drama and I must say that you’ve been reckless but your heart is in the right place. *claps his hands and summons a medical bag* Now then. Will you allow me to do a medical exam on you?

Lucifer: *nods shyly*

Ozzie: *setting his bag down on a nearby table, his expression shifting to a calm, professional demeanor* Alright, Lu-Lu. Let’s get you sorted out. *he pulls out a stethoscope, a thermometer, and a blood pressure cuff* We’ll start simple. Sit up for me, please.

Lucifer: *weakly pushes himself up, his usually sharp posture drooping* I’ve already thrown up everything I’ve eaten today. Not that I eat much.

Ozzie: *gently presses the stethoscope to Lucifer’s chest* I’ll be the judge of that. Deep breath for me.

Lucifer inhales shakily, his glowing red circles around his eyes dim and faint. Ozzie’s brow furrows slightly as he listens, jotting down notes.

Ozzie: clicking his tongue thoughtfully Heart rate’s a bit fast, but nothing alarming yet. *he pulls out a thermometer and places it under Lucifer’s tongue* Let’s check your temperature.

Lucifer complies, watching Ozzie with weary curiosity. When the thermometer beeps, Ozzie checks it and arches a brow.

Ozzie: *with a slight smirk* Hm. You’re running a low fever. That’s unusual for you.

Lucifer: *shrugs, his voice raspy* I thought it was just exhaustion.

Ozzie: *lifting Lucifer’s arm to strap on the blood pressure cuff* It could be, but it’s rare for someone of your... *he clears his throat delicately* angelic constitution to react this way to mere fatigue.

The blood pressure monitor beeps, and Ozzie hums thoughtfully again.

Ozzie: Blood pressure’s low. Not dangerously so, but... Lu-Lu, your symptoms are starting to paint an interesting picture. *he reaches into his bag, pulling out a small vial and a syringe*

Lucifer: *eyeing the syringe warily* What’s that for?

Ozzie: *gently* Just a little bloodwork. It’ll help me rule out anything serious. You trust me, don’t you?

Lucifer hesitates but eventually nods, extending his arm. Ozzie works quickly, drawing a small sample and placing it in his bag for testing.

Ozzie: *sitting back and crossing his arms* Now, Lu-Lu. Humor me for a moment. Have you experienced anything else besides nausea, fatigue, and fainting?

Lucifer: *looking embarrassed* Uh... my sense of smell’s been weird. Everything’s stronger, and certain foods make me gag.

Ozzie: *nodding knowingly* Mm-hmm. Anything else?

Lucifer: *reluctantly* My... chest has been sore.

Ozzie: *raising an eyebrow, his tone growing curious* Interesting. Have you considered that you might be—

Lucifer: *cutting him off quickly, his voice defensive* No. Absolutely not. That’s impossible.

Ozzie: *grinning slyly* Oh, is it? Let me just run a quick test to make sure. *he pulls out a small pregnancy test kit, causing Lucifer to freeze*

Lucifer: *stammering* You’re joking, right?

Ozzie: *chuckling* Lu-Lu, now come on. It won’t hurt. Just pee on it. This won’t take long.

Lucifer sighs heavily, but he doesn’t resist as Ozzie hands him the test.

Lucifer: *muttering under his breath* This is ridiculous.

A few minutes later, after Lucifer used the restroom Ozzie holds up the test strip, his grin widening as two lines appear.

Ozzie: teasingly Well, well, well. Congratulations, Lu-Lu. You’re pregnant.

Lucifer: *staring at the test in disbelief, his voice faint* That... that’s not possible.

Ozzie: placing a comforting hand on Lucifer’s shoulder With you, Lu-Lu? Anything’s possible.

Lucifer: But…that’s means…*begins heavily breathing*

Ozzie: *confused* Lu?

Lucifer: *holds his chest and begins shaking his head no* No…No! *begins crying, completely distraught*

Ozzie: Lucifer what’s wrong?!

Lucifer: *through tears* I was raped Ozzie! I…I don’t know who the other father is!

Ozzie: *his laid back demeanor shifts to one that is protective. As the Sin of Lust, he is completely against rape. So hearing this truly made his blood boil* Lu-Lu... I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.

Lucifer: *collapsing onto the bed, burying his face in his hands* What am I supposed to do, Ozzie?

Ozzie: First, you’re going to breathe. We’ll take this one step at a time. This... situation doesn’t define you, Lu. You’ve been through hell—literally—and survived. You’re stronger than this.

Lucifer: *sniffling, his hands trembling* I don’t feel strong right now. I feel... violated. Weak.

Ozzie: *puts a comforting hand on Lucifer’s back* What happened to you was horrible. And it wasn’t your fault.

Lucifer: *lifts his head slightly, his tear-streaked face filled with uncertainty* But... the baby. What if... what if it’s—

Ozzie: *cuts him off gently* It’s still your your choice. Your choice about what you want to do. Whatever the circumstances, you can choose how you want to proceed. And no one—no thing—can take that away from you.

Lucifer: *his voice barely a whisper* What if I can’t love it? What if I see... him in the baby?

Ozzie: *his eyes softening, but his voice firm* Then we’ll deal with that together. You don’t have to decide anything right now. Just know that you have people who care about you. Me, Charlie, everyone at the hotel. We’re here for you.

Lucifer looks at Ozzie, his lip trembling, and for the first time in what feels like forever, he lets himself lean into the comfort offered. Ozzie wraps an arm around him, holding him steady as he cries quietly into his shoulder.

Ozzie: We’ll figure this out, Lu-Lu. I promise.

After a moment, Lucifer pulls away, wiping his face and trying to compose himself.

Lucifer: *sniffles, his voice still shaky but resolute* Thank you, Ozzie. I... I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Ozzie: *smiling gently, though there’s still a flicker of anger in his eyes for what Lucifer endured* You’ll never have to find out. Now, let me finish this exam. We’ll make sure both you and the baby are healthy.

Lucifer nods, his resolve slowly returning as Ozzie continues the medical exam.

Ozzie: *adjusts his tone, aiming for calm professionalism once more to help ground Lucifer* Alright, Lu-Lu, let’s continue. You’re already looking a little pale, so let’s make sure everything else is stable.

Lucifer: *taking a deep breath to steady himself, his voice faint* Do whatever you need to.

Ozzie: *nodding as he takes out more equipment from his bag* First, I want to check your vitals again. Lay back for me.

Lucifer complies, leaning back on the bed. Ozzie places his stethoscope on Lucifer’s chest and listens carefully, his brows furrowing slightly.

Ozzie: *murmuring* Heart rate’s still a bit high... understandable given everything. Now let’s check that fever.

He retrieves a forehead thermometer and gently places it against Lucifer’s temple. The device beeps softly, and Ozzie frowns as he reads the result.

Ozzie: Still running a low fever. Nothing too alarming yet, but we’ll keep an eye on it.

Lucifer: *muttering* I can’t even manage my own body anymore.

Ozzie: *gently* Stop that. Your body’s going through a lot, and honestly? You’re handling it better than most mortals would.

Lucifer gives him a faint, skeptical look, but Ozzie moves on, retrieving a small ultrasound device.

Ozzie: *smiling softly* Now, this part is a little more invasive, but it’ll give us a good look at the baby. May I?

Lucifer: *blinking, suddenly nervous* You’ll... see the baby?

Ozzie: *nodding* If it’s far enough along, yes. This’ll help us make sure everything’s okay.

Lucifer hesitates, his hands clenching at the sheets, but eventually, he nods.

Ozzie: Okay great! Can you shift in your organs to have a vaginal opening please? Using a vaginal transducer will give me a better view*

Lucifer: *nervously* I can try…

As Ozzie prepares the device, Lucifer focuses his energy to create a vaginal opening. He manages but it takes a lot of energy to shapeshift than normal. He pants a bit, feeling the strain.

Ozzie: reassuringly It’ll feel a bit cold, but it’s painless.

As Ozzie moves the probe over Lucifer’s opening, the room fills with the faint hum of the machine. After a few tense moments, an image appears on the screen.

Ozzie: *his expression softening* There we go.

Lucifer turns his head, his breath catching as he stares at the screen. The tiny, faintly glowing outline of a baby is visible, its form small but unmistakable.

Lucifer: *his voice breaking* That’s...

Ozzie: *nodding* That’s your little one. Heartbeat looks strong, and the growth indicates you’re about…six weeks.

Lucifer watches, tears forming in his eyes as the faint flicker of the baby’s heartbeat fills the room.

Lucifer: It’s real...

Ozzie: *placing a hand on Lucifer’s shoulder, his voice warm* It’s real, Lu-Lu. And so far, everything looks healthy.

Lucifer closes his eyes, overwhelmed by a mixture of fear, grief, and a flicker of hope.

Ozzie: *gently cleaning up and putting the equipment away* I know this is a lot to take in. But you’re doing better than you think.

Lucifer: Thank you, Ozzie.

[jxsterr]

bro your account is literally perfect. one of the best zelink ones i’ve ever seen and i think your interpretation of them is perfect!! what’s your opinion on t4t zelink?

YOURE SO SWEET WHAT THE HELL 😭😭😭😭 thank you omg that’s the sweetest ask ive ever gotten

as for opinions?? my opinion is yes. why wouldn’t they. it’s the most delicious hc out there and it does wonders at weeding out the weird fans

i haven’t honestly thought about it much because i enjoy it in passing but i’m definitely for ftm link with his funky new zonai post transition scars bc that’s SICK and he deserves at least one scar that isn’t the worst thing ever. zelda?? honest to god with all of the trauma she’s been through and all of the disconnect within herself i’d say like a nonbinary she/her if ygm?? an occasional she/they if she feels like it?? like the pronouns are just the equivalent of cosplaying a girl bc zelda’s been jumbled up so violently from everything that’s happened to her—from everything pre calamity with her father and her powers, her lack of self identity because she wasn’t allowed to present herself how she pleased when everything rested on her shoulders, trying to find herself Post calamity and figure out what she’s meant to do or even Be now that her one true purpose had been completed, and then the whole thing of being turned into a DRAGON and back—you cannot tell me she isn’t like scrambled egg on the inside.

link feels like the kinda guy to be like “idk i had tits and now i don’t” shrug whereas zelda has this 5 paged essay on everything that lead up to her identity LMFAO

because she’s so interesting to me right. i feel like she’d just kinda leave herself alone bc she’s been through enough without anything else on top, but i feel if she was to get anything done it’d just be top surgery so she could feel more In Control of her appearance?? and that’d be it?? bc dresses with boobs would have her a little :/ because they’re Okay she supposes but the dress Could look nicer without them, so link would sit there and help her bandage them down to see how she’d feel about it (also because he has an ungodly supply of bandages) and then watching something Click inside of her and who better to do such a task than purah???

(link stresses about it for the next 3-5 business days)

cuz i’m still big on zelda wearing a lot more neutral clothing purely bc we saw that her preferred way of dressing was her travel clothes right, and she’s always seemed more of a trousers gal than anything, so i can’t get into the idea of her purely wearing dresses post calam and totk like some people have bc every dress she’s worn. right. has had an air of Ambiguity around it. i think especially her prayer dress and zonai dress but i think that’s because of the total absence of straps or sleeves to them, so i feel like she’d wear dresses like that just for comfort but for any others?? boobs gotta go im sorry it’s just how it is

i’m also a huge fan of link being the more like. Seasoned of the two about transitioning and whatnot because obviously he would’ve had a lot more room to explore this sort of thing (esp with how little she could do w rhoam lord have mercy). so every question she’d have she’d go running to him for once instead of the books and Then him

“pardon me if i’m being intrusive, but was the surgery.. painful?”

“nah. not too bad. purah numbed me”

“you let.. purah..????”

she’d be stood in front of a mirror in their house and squinting at her own reflection, asking, “something feels wrong. i can’t tell what it is, but something feels misplaced on me.” and link peers over to have a look and he’s absolutely mystified because she’s literally gorgeous there isn’t a damn thing wrong with her—and then she starts focusing on her chest, looking at it from the side, squishing it down with scrutinising eyes to see if they’d look better flat and ah. it makes sense now. so, as i said earlier, he helps her bind, makes sure it isn’t too tight and always keeps an eye on how long she’s been wearing it (she is horribly forgetful after all), lets her comb through his ridiculously extensive wardrobe to see what pieces fit where and how to figure out how she wants her clothes to fit, then taking her down to sayge to retailor some old clothes he doesn’t mind her having once they figure it out, helping her figure out the terms and pronouns she’s comfortable with, just the most useful and best supporter you could ever ask for in the beginning of your transition.

I REALISE IVE RAMBLED OOPS but hey maybe when i get through the ridiculous backlog of fics i have i’ll do a little oneshot about this cuz it’s CUTE and so full of zelink potential

tldr. zelda’s this fuckin. she/they ass nb with a complex relationship with gender and her presentation and then link is just. a Guy. in the least straight way possible. he’s simple

i appreciate u sm for making me think about this more……: my little blorbos…

[nnnyxie]

IZU ANON IS BACK!! So I spent the day in Paris and saw SOOO many couples so I felt inspired (that’s a lie I’ve been lurking around your blog but felt weird requesting so much so close together and didn’t want to overwhelm you so I waited😞) anyways

Hc’s for Soulmate!Izu x Tatooed!Reader because I’m sickly inlove with soulmate au‘s

Especially writing that shows up on the others skin<3 The reader just drawing super ugly cats and doodles all the time- I feel like Izu would be the more artistic one and reader would suck at it but still do it all the time (this is more me telling you my hcs rather than requesting them from you but i literally can’t talk to anyone else about this please bear with me😭) and Izu would like draw SUPER realistic and detailed all might portraits or something and then reader like get’s a villain tattoo because they’re ✨different✨like that and Izu freaks out and somehow finds them through that??? This is like half a fic omg i just got carried away😭 feel free to ignore this I just absolutely went off I’m so sorry ily

izu anon…… your mind….. ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.

i’m utterly in love with this idea.

i feel like the tattoos won’t transfer BUT!! the stencil that they USE for it does!! (ykwim?? the purple/blue ink they use??)

so one silly little day, he’s just relaxing yk. it’s his day off and he is using it to catch up on a show todoroki’s been raving about (which is unusual for todoroki so you KNOW it’s good!!)

our boy has his old ratty blue t-shirt and worn out grey nike shorts on. feet kicked up on his ottoman, his calves exposed. (do you see where i’m headed?)

now— imagine his surprise when he gets up and notices the purple/blue print of a villain on his right calf!!! (im thinking late 80’s)

he genuinely panics— like he’s seen these stencils before— a few were super badass honestly.

BUT A VILLAIN??? A VILLAIN???

he kind of feels sick because like— what if his soulmate is a villain?? (you’re not, you just like tattoos)

he immediately takes a picture of it!! he plans on looking for you— aka stalking every single tattoo artistry page and the people they tag in their posts, also their criminal data bases, and looking at everyone’s right calf when he goes on patrol.

he’s hoping that IF you’re a criminal/villain, he could help you to become— well, NOT that.

he also goes to bakugo about this and asks if he saw anyone get a tattoo of it recently (because bakugo definitely would get tattoos, i just know it. it’d be all skull and fire themes too) (plus he recently got one) bakugo just says, “the fuck? you think i know everyone with a tattoo? what kind of dumb thinking is that?” and poor poor izuku is panicking because he upset bakugo (he actually didn’t, bakugo was just taken aback by the picture) izuku apologizes profusely (bc that’s his thing) and bakugo go just tells him to stfu and that he MIGHT know who tattooed the image because he recognizes the style. sooooo he takes izuku to the parlor and introduces him to…….

YOU!!!!!!! yes, you tattooed yourself!!!!

you’re bakugo’s tattoo artist!!!

“dumbass, show me your right leg” bakugo yells in your small parlor, like an asshole. this makes you roll your eyes— you’re used to him, you’ve been tattooing him since you both were 19, which was when you finished your ‘tattoo training’. “keep talking to me like that and i’ll drop you from my cliental list,” you turn around after you finished sanitizing your station (bc all good artists do!!) “just show me your damn leg for the sake of this idiot,” he points towards izuku, that’s when everything goes in slow motion, and pro hero deku shines bright. he’s omitting a vibrant color and it’s nearly blinding (omg maybe your quirk is seeing/sensing auras)

(also, we’ll just say you’re wearing shorts for the sake of this)

you walk out from behind the barrier of the station and put your right leg on display. that’s when izuku chokes— it’s full of all the stencils he’s seen and… the villain tattoo. “fucking idiot, why would you tattoo a villain on you? you hate them,” bakugo slaps the side of your head, cause he’s an asshole. “cause it’s badass! plus it’s an old school villain, no one really knows ‘em.” you shrug and smack him back, narrowly avoiding his fresh tattoo (you wanted to hit it so bad) “anyways, why did you wanna know? and speak fast cause i have a client coming in twenty.” he forcefully takes izuku’s phone out of his hands, and shows it to you. “why am i looking at a blank screen? bakugo i don’t have time for this,” you push his hand back. “you didn’t let me unlock it,” izuku secretly rolls his eyes, you caught it though. he pulls up his gallery and shows a picture of his leg with your stencil on it.

your eyes narrow— not wanting to believe it cause like, you’re a small business owner and there’s no way a big time hero could be your soulmate. “yeah no, i have no time for bullshit. did someone send you this or something? trying to turn me in for a damn tattoo?” bakugo grumbles bc he’s ANNOYING (i love him) and grabs a pen. “draw something.” “you know i can’t with no reference. i’m shit without one.” “JUST DRAW! ON YOUR HAND! NOW!” “stop yelling all the damn time.” you grumbled and begrudgingly drew a horrible looking bunny. like— absolutely terrible !!! looking bunny onto your hand. bakugo, being the ass he is, RIPS off izuku’s glove and shoves his hand in your face. “bakugo. there’s nothing there. seriously you’re wasting my time, i need to set up. i don’t have time for jokes.” you go back to your station and start getting the ink ready. izuku rolls his eyes again— at his friend, not you. “that was the wrong hand,” he says in a slightly sassy tone, which was funny to hear from a pro hero. izuku takes his OTHER glove off and walks to you. “here,” he places his hand in front of you and you drop your tattooing gun.

“oh,” was all you said before walking into the back of your shop. you screamed a ‘what the fuck’ and walked right back out. “well, hi.” your smile is very awkward because like— how are you supposed to respond to that?? it’s not everyday that your soulmate ends up being a pro hero. “uhm… so can we meet after your uhm, next appointment?” he asks, very very shyly, it was like he was a high schooler all over again. you just give a head nod and write your personal number on the back of your business card. “uhm see you.”

months after that fateful day, you and izuku are officially together! he’s drawn you many designs for tattoos. (either for yourself or your clients)

now— izuku may be a very talented artist but when it comes to tattooing? absolutely not. he tried tattooing a small heart in between your fingers as a little practice thing and— let’s just say, it looks like a jacked star. (pls he felt so bad)

while it was a little ugly, you still loved it because he was the one to do it <3

OMG AND THE FIRST TIME YOU TATTOOED HIM— he tried not to cry. like— THIS MF USED TO BREAK HIS BONES DAILY!!! THIS MF FIGHTS BAD GUYS FOR A LIVING!!!! but it’s okay!! not everyone can handle getting a tattoo and that’s perfectly fine!!

ps most of his tattoos are all might hero based.

IZU ANON!!!!! i thoroughly enjoyed this <3

[coryothesub]

Better Now?

Hi, I’m back, not in the bestest place both physically and mentally and very sorry to everyone who has sent in lovely asks recently. I’ve resumed working on them, but for now I can offer a fully self indulgent semi-autobiographical oneshot about Dr. Sejanus Plinth (hey, we all know he wanted to be a medic so very fitting), which is heavily based on my first ever hospital experience.

No, I didn't have a hot doctor that looked like Sejanus, instead I was treated by a couple of pretty funky dudes, but the story about the two surgeries instead of one is completely true (they had to perform a 2nd one, bc they hadn't noticed everything that had to be fixed before the 1st one). Horny roommates are also based on very real persons and the post surgery pain as well as the sickness from the painkillers are unfortunately real (that's why I wasn't really able to write although I kinda wanted to). Oh and the weird tingling sensation around stitches during orgasm is also apparently a thing. Okay sorry for tmi let's get into the smut.

nsfw / mdni / doctor!sejanus / patient!reader / mentions of hospital and some real medical horrors

“Dr. Sejanus Plinth, I’m going to perform surgery on your broken leg and ensure a steady way to your recovery,” he stood at the foot of your bed on your first day at the hospital looking hella handsome wearing his little glasses and a snow white scrubs.

You were feeling shit scared since it was your first time at the hospital. He always tried to cheer you up, tell you a funny joke or take you on a little wheelchair ride. Your roommates said he was obviously flirting, but you always got flustered and brushed it off as professional niceness.

He was ever so clean and perfect, his dark curly hair impeccably styled and a trail of expensive cologne following him wherever he went. How could he possibly fall for the messy looking girl in the hospital bed? Your hair was dirty, you were sweating profusely from the sickening painkillers that probably made you stink.

You couldn't remember any time when you were in so much pain other than the first two days after the surgery. The only thing keeping you sane was  Dr. Plinth’s reassuring smile that appeared above the little curtain right after the surgery. He nodded at you and said “It’s over!”

You had taken it quite literally, not suspecting what was awaiting you in the coming days. Right after the anesthetics wore off the pain became so insufferable you were just silently crying in your bed feeling like your leg was about to explode from the inside.

The nurses pumped you full of painkillers until you dozed off and the first face you saw next morning was Dr. Plinth.

“You are such a good girl, you did so good,” he smiled softly and you weren't quite sure what he was referring to. Was it your performance of laying horizontally during the surgery? Well you didn't have much choice since the lower part of your body had been paralyzed by the anesthetics.

“That hot doctor, he’s totally into you,” your roommates teased, but you just tried to focus on the fact that you were set to get out of the hospital in two days.

Then the bad news came. Dr.Plinth stood at the foot of your bed, his face darkened by concern.

“There's this other thing. A rupture of ligaments. We were able to notice it only after the first surgery. I am afraid I'm gonna need to perform another one. I am really sorry for that.”

You literally felt like you were gonna burst out in tears, but you clenched your jaw, wanting to look stronger than you actually were.

“It's alright Dr.Plinth. What needs to be done has to be done,” you spoke calmly, but your mind was rehashing everything you were bound to go through again. The wait, the anesthetics, the excruciating pain in the first few hours and the discomfort every time you had to move your leg, even if only to sit up for a meal or go to the bathroom.

“How are you feeling today?” The next day you were woken up by the lively voice of Dr. Plinth. Despite your protests, he came to check on you every morning and since your first surgery sort of  failed, he also came in every evening. You weren't sure whether he did that out of guilt or other feelings.

“Have been better,” you sighed with a grim poker face that prevented him from telling whether you were angry with him or just tired.

“I'm so sorry the first surgery wasn't sufficient,” the poor young man started apologizing in front of your roommates. “You weren't supposed to go through that again.”

“It's alright Dr.Plinth,” you batted your eyes at him, making his pretty chubby cheeks blush immediately. “I know you would want only the best for me.”

His hand was resting on the pillow pile next to your casted leg and you ran your fingers over it, almost making him jump at the sensation.

Your roommates were watching the interaction with great interest, probably thinking you both were gonna start making out right then and there.

Feeling their gaze burning through his back, Dr. Plinth offered you a little wheelchair ride. A bit reluctant, you still got yourself out of the bed and let him help you get on the wheelchair.

“Where are you taking me? Do we need another x-ray or a CT scan?”

“No,” Dr.Plinth chuckled. “They don't perform tests at this hour, except for the emergency room. I wanted you to see this.”

He wheeled you to the end of the hallway and stopped at the large window where you could see nothing but endless forest continuing all the way to the horizon. A fiery red sun was sinking above the treeline making you gasp quietly at the sight.

“Beautiful, isn't it?” Dr. Plinth leaned down and you could feel his hot breath lingering on your neck. It seemed almost romantic.

“I come here and watch the sunset at every opportunity when I have the time during my shift. It helps me blow off the steam a bit.”

You turned your head to the side and looked into his soulful brown eyes. He looked even more handsome in high definition.

“It must be hard to work here,” you gave him a sympathetic look.

“Oh, it's just me, as much as I try I can't get myself desensitized to the whole process. I see people hurting every day. And when they hurt, I hurt. That's why I feel so damn guilty every time there's more pain that could have been avoided. Like your second surgery…”

He leaned down closer to you, his lips just mere centimeters from yours.

“I just want to make it up to you. I swear, if I could I would do anything to make you feel better.”

“Anything?” A glimpse of mischief sparked in your eyes.

Dr. Plinth swallowed thickly and nodded.

Quite unexpectedly you cupped his face and smashed your lips into his, something you had been longing to do for quite a time. His lips felt so soft and plump, even better than you could have ever imagined.

Dr. Plinth immersed himself into the kiss, parting his lips to allow your tongue to explore his velvety mouth.

When you two finally broke the kiss to catch some breath, he adjusted his glasses panting softly and looked deeply into your eyes.

“Dr. Plinth, your lips feel so soft,” you chuckled shyly, feeling a treacherous blush filling your cheeks.

“I think you can call me Sejanus at this point,” he looked flustered yet eager to continue your little adventure. 

Sejanus grabbed your wheelchair and opened the nearest door with a plack that said “Sanitary chamber”.

You found yourself in a small room stuffed with toilet tissue, different wipes and sanitary mats, the last rays of the setting sun breaking through the neat stacks of supplies.

Sejanus immediately connected his lips to yours again, his hands running up and down your sides underneath your t-shirt. You gasped as he cupped your naked breasts while gently sucking at your lower lip.

“You know, I could make you feel better in an even more effective way,” he whispered against your lips, his warm hand diving under the waistband of your pajama shorts.

You shivered at the sensation of Sejanus's skillful fingers pressing against your clit, discovering that you were already threathcerously wet.

“What an eager girl,” your doctor groaned as his digits massaged your sensitive bud at a steady place, causing you to let out a series of soft moans against his lips.

Sejanus kept a tight eye contact while letting his two fingers slide inside your squelching wet count while his thumb kept rubbing your clit. It was truly amazing how he managed to cover the whole field.

“Fuck, you’re really good with this!” You moaned as he trailed small kisses down your neck sucking harshly at the spot where it met your shoulder.

Sejanus chuckled mischievously.

“I'm a doctor, we are taught how to touch people in the correct manner.”

“God, did they teach you this at the medical school?” You threw your head back, feeling your legs shaking from the immense pleasure.

“No, princess” Sejanus let out a small laugh, nibbling at your earlobe. “I guess I figured that part out myself…”

Squelching sounds filled the small chamber as he kept fingerbanging you and you tried your best to stifle your moans to avoid the whole floor finding out about your evening shenanigans.

“Oh… Dr…. Sejanus, I’m gonna…” your attempt at building a sentence was cut off by a loud moan as you came all over his fingers, your body shaking and a weird tingling feeling echoing through your stitches.

“Better now?” Sejanus asked in a gentle voice after pressing another soft kiss to your lips.

You nodded, still coming down from your heights as you watched him grab one of the countless tissue packages and gently cleaning you off.

“There you go,” Sejanus smiled, turning your wheelchair back to the exit.

“Wait!” You gave him a concerned look. “Shouldn't I… Return the favor?”

Sejanus graced you with a soft smile, brushing a stray strand of hair off your forehead.

“This was me trying to make amends because I fucked up, remember? Plus, I have to get back to work.”

You pouted, wishing this moment would last longer. Sejanus noticed and tilted your chin up gently giving you a mischievous wink.

“Nobody said we cannot keep practicing this as a form of therapy though.”

[joanofexys]

can you talk about any of ur ocs more??? :)) I love hearing about them ♡

oc time!!! again

Florian and Ilya time??? Florian and Ilya time

like I’ve mentioned before Flor and Ilya really butt heads in the beginning. Florian was a Raven and Ilya has not had good experiences with them at all. On top of that, Flor has an attitude intended to cover up his many issues and Ilya, while an absolute sweetheart, can dish it just as well as he can take it

it takes them a hot minute to get along and it’s largely because Jude gets sick of Mara and Ilya being at each other’s throats and begs Florian to play mediator cause he’s snarky but he’s nowhere near Mara’s level. They end up with an odd sort of truce. They have each other’s backs but they’re not really friends

The first big thing for them is when Mara decides that she’s done with the ravens partner system. She and Florian have been intensely codependent and while Mara’s reached a point in therapy where she’s ready to try and let it go, Florian’s really not. He spirals without the partner system. Emiko can’t take that spot. It’d be too unhealthy for her. She’s largely ditched the partner system but still spends majority of her time around people and keeping an eye on Mara and Florian. Jude adores Florian but he does think he’d go crazy being attached at the hip to the kid. Essentially, that leaves Ilya. Who is a mostly willing participant cause I swear he really is a little sweetheart.

Suddenly they’re attached at the hip fucking everywhere. Flor’s press duty isn’t with Mara anymore, it’s always Ilya. Ilya gets a little too far and Flor’s losing focus on whatever he’s doing to look for him and make he’s still within sight.

I don’t have them developed in the same way I have Merr and Jude just because it’s kind of hard for me to pinpoint when exactly Ilya and Florian get together but it’s still fun to think about.

Florian’s generally pretty affectionate regarding physical touch (regarding people who are willing to give it at least. he’ll rarely ever ask but he enjoys it) and so he and Ilya ended up touching a lot of the time. A brush of the hands, an arm around his waist, holding hands for a split second. It’s not uncommon to see them just pressed against each other, seeming to be literally attached at the hip.

I think when they get together there’s never really a label put on it. They spend so much time together that things just start happening. Suddenly they’re cuddling, then they’re holding hands, when Ilya asks if he can kiss him it just feels natural to say yes. They don’t define what they are but they know it’s exclusive and they’re not seeing other people and they also know it’s private. And for awhile they do a good job at keeping it from their teammates because to everyone else that’s just how they act. They keep it from the press even longer because their dynamic changes completely once they’re in front of a camera. Banter and insults and jabs about their performance on the court. People think they have some weird rivalry going on that carried over from their time playing collegiate exy against each other. It’s all in good fun for them though. They still snark at each other and bicker off camera too, but the difference is that’s the only part the camera sees of them.

I’ve mentioned before that eventually they end up on rival teams, when Florian’s eventually willing to let go of the partner system a lot, and it really fuels the idea that they hate each other. The two of them kind of get a kick out of it. Cause at first it’s not like they were even close to being friends so maybe once upon a time the media’s perception of them was closer to the truth but now it’s the furthest thing from it.

Ummmmm I’m trying to think of anything else I want to hit on but truly this has been sitting in my drafts for so long and I know I need to just post it soon. I’m so sorry, anon. Istg I wasn’t just ignoring you. So yeah this is very incomplete, nowhere near Merr and Jude level explanation, and maybe I’ll give a proper explanation of these two at some point. In the meantime this just needs to get posted because I’ve let it sit for like a week and I feel mean now