#sorry feeling sick tonight

[bamsara]

being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now

[obeetlebeetle]

when is honor not honorable? when it is prescribed by a system of nobility that perpetuates itself through the destruction of its subjects. 

rue watched hob sit there bleeding, arrows in his back, waiting until they nearly pierced his lung to remove them -- all for the honor of the goblin court. for the courts. for the system that stole rue as a child and twisted them into a pleasing shape, a desired doll. for the system that has used hob’s body on the field of battle and rue’s body in the field of politics to the benefit of the system, not the bodies being used.

rue spent every interaction with hob this episode saying, Are you okay? Are you hurt? Does anything about your life of service actually make you happy? Are you ever happy? Will you ever let yourself be happy? I hope you will. I hope you find happiness. I wish it was with me.

and then at the very end hob goes, I was miserable until you held me.

hes finally able to say it but the issue is, rue never needed to be told that hob loves them. they clocked it. they know he wants them. so finally learning how hob feels, that doesn’t change anything. what they were really saying is, Can you admit that service makes you unhappy? Are you capable of prioritizing desire? I am offering you devotion.

as long as hob pursues honor as prescribed by the court system, as long as he plays the political game, he can never love anyone. least of all rue; rue who has been so damaged by their obligation to the court of wonder for so long. rue who has chosen to use all their power to dissolve political bonds and facilitate emotional ones, at the hope of destabilizing the system. rue who has finally revealed themselves as both a monster and a dissident, prompted by their love for hob, in a show of force -- they are finally rebelling, openly, against the court and the system that tried to cannibalize them. and they’re watching as hob commits himself more deeply to the goblin court, putting his body in their hands for both battle and marriage.

rue tries tirelessly to get hob to answer this question. You are unhappy; what is it for? Tell me so I can understand. and hob’s response is, I choose to be unhappy because otherwise I would be wrong. 

his defense of the court system is that it tells him what to do. he believes himself to be so fundamentally incorrect that his wants, desires, and instincts cannot guide him -- the only way to be a good man is to serve something greater than himself. this belief, as we can see in his conversations with boil and blemish, has been reinforced through scorn and humiliation. 

hob says, I choose this unhappy life because it is right to serve. I know that it is right to serve because those in power tell me what is right. I know I am wrong because they tell me I am wrong.

upon learning that rue dissolved the marriage between apollo and grabalba, the thing that hurts him the most is the feeling of being used by rue. of being taken for a fool and manipulated in a political game, of falling in love with someone that doesn’t care about him. but even as this misinterpretation wounds him, he tries to defend his service to the goblin court.

and all rue ever wanted was to show him that his life of service is just a matter of being used, being taken, loving those who do not love you but only what you do for them. they wanted him to see that the pain he feels at the perception of  being manipulated by rue is a pain he has felt at the hands of the court system for far longer than they have known each other. 

hob’s real answer can be found in both what he has said and what he’s unwilling to say. For what? Nothing. Not even love. so rue offers hob what the court system has always denied him.

honor, service, obligation, duty -- everything hob has hinged his identity on and everything he ever believed to be good, to make him good -- are tools, not ideals. the court system designed fealty so that it would be easier to exploit people like hob and rue, people that feel like monsters, people who are empty and need to be filled. rue sees that hob believes himself to be a monster, and they aren’t asking him to change that. they know that monsters will always know themselves to be monsters. instead, they are trying to convince hob that being good is not what he thinks it is, when it’s being defined by the court system.

when is a monster not a monster? when you love it. when what is monstrous is worth loving. in their last attempt to wrest hob from the court system, rue tells him they love him, and in the same breath they tell him that love and honor are not the same. rue tells him that they are a monster. that in seeing him, they finally realized that being monstrous isn't being damaged; the damage comes from elsewhere. so they ask him to see them outside the moral structure that has been imposed on him and that he imposes on all others. they ask him to see the ways in which that structure and the system that created it have wounded them for being monstrous.

in doing so, hob would have to acknowledge his own wounds. he would have to acknowledge that he has been wounded for a very long time. that is what he has been resisting; if at any point he had acknowledged his wounds, he would have needed to care for them, and hob is not equipped to care for himself. care is not something afforded via lines of support in the court system; care was never part of the conversation. but when rue speaks of love, and divests it of honor, they offer, instead, care.

this is a love story.

[mymitochondriaforpresident]

Simon: *being treated with anything less than optimal love, happiness, care, kindness, adoration, protection*

Me: 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

@anonfromtheflight: 🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I feel like I'm gonna fucking die

[carpthecarp]

ANYWYAS LOOK

[lemonyinks]

I'm just. so grateful for LOSH

[tomboyyyaoi]

also im gnna get a bit of shit here but i think if we ignore knives' slightly incestuous obsession with vash its a bit of a detriment to his character.

knives is far gone. hes disconnected from reality due to his extreme and messy emotions. and on the topic of his extreme and messy emotions and his disconnect from reality (and rejection of humanity) i can absolutely come to the conclusion his obsession with making the perfect society for him and his brother is a bit unhealthy if im being nice about it!!!

but i think we should all just grow up and realise that reading him this way isnt bad at all and is just another thing about knives that stresses his motives and mental state and how deeply he objectifies vash and im not even saying this as a shipper, this is purely from an analytical standpoint

knives' two extremities of hate and love are so visceral and i think very well handled, he functions purely from his fear of what humans do to plants (and what they do to his brother) and that for him developed into this ugly feeling that pities, objectifies, minimises and victimises vash but not in the ways we (the fans) do but in the way abusive, toxic lovers do. knives insists himself as vashs saviour and protector and even though i cant say that his obsession with vash is romantic or sexual its still an unhealthy, ugly, messy obsession and i dont blame people for reading him as a having incestuous... feelings

as long as theyr not reading it and claiming it as something that ruins his character because for me it really deepens it

[kylewalker-peters]

the way i can't even watch the game tonight is making me feel even worse i fear

[umemiyan]

does your doc not understand how necessary your meds are for you? like what’s the hold up? they need to stop playing around…

apparently the fuck not <333333333 apparently it's just a game to them <333 and i can't drive and show up there right now and demand to speak to someone because i'm trying to work even though i have a constant headache and brain fog on top of all my usual ADHD symptoms <333

i hate being a karen or looking like a fucking junkie, but what if these were meds that were even more vital to my health? like insulin or heart meds or something like that? would i just have to sit here and hope to not fucking end up in the hospital? i'm so tired of this ridiculous shit. and i can't have it filled a whole week ahead of time or anything to try and be safe because it's a fucking controlled substance and they won't let me. so guess i'll just suffer!!! especially if they don't get it in by today because it's friday <33 i'll have to be like this all weekend while trying to work while they have their nice days off :)

[ask-edd]

Wait if everyone is high how is Dan taking it?

Yeah about that- I was fine until I got a sudden stomach bug n had to go to bed early

[skyward-floored]

Ahhh this soup is not sitting well in my stomach >:(

this whole I-don’t-want-to-eat-and-when-I-do-I-feel-gross thing better stop before thanksgiving is all I can say

[thedragonkween]

Gosh it’s been so hard trying to find a full time job. I’m so sick of sending tons of cvs and attending interviews with no results apart from a lot of anxiety… I really want to start earning adult money and be independent, but nothing prepared me for that post-grad soul sucking cycle of job searching. The worst part is that even with two degrees, I will still probably have to settle for a job that doesn’t even come close to what I’ve studied.

[raksh-writes]

The changing time thing, daylight saving or whatever it's called, is such a bitch every. time. Not only do I struggle to fall asleep before 2 am now, but I also have (useless) classes at 8am tomorrow, so Im getting up before 5am and I expect to get no sleep at all. While Im feeling quite sick, too. It's gonna be a joy :")

[pallases]

ourgejjg

[benetnvsch]

my controversial BSD opinion is that I feel like Chuuaku would be more accepted but is in an unfortunately Strange Position in the fandom where ppl inherently don't like it bc they're unable to separate SKK + SSKK dynamics in the sense that bc Dazai and atsushi have a intentional mentorship/more extreme dynamic/relationship, therefore chuuya and akutagawa's must also be like that even though there's nothing to suggest that rlly and they're def more Just Normal Coworkers

[sparrowmoth]

POV you’re me and the bestie @villainsnest playing Digimon Survive