#sorry but I’m thinking bout how talking doesn’t make any sense rn

[bugdogg]

Wait shit, is this what burn out is 😀

[th3j4germe1ster]

hey this is like a genuine question (like ooc)

how do you fancy up ur blog?

im not even new to Tumblr I'm just dumb and my blog looks rlly basic rn lol

so like how do you add all those little flourishes and banners and stickers and stuff??

thanks and sorry if this question is a little odd ur blog is very pretty

[ I’m gonna be honest, it took me so long to find out myself! I run discord servers like crazy so I know some hints,

i usually use the widgets I find on Pinterest that match the characters I like, (for example max: ghost, football, and party’s] I use a couple effects to make em match up but the real stuff I use are dividers,

I find my dividers just out on tumblr, or google. And for any of the symbols and fonts I use Google websites and tumblr, here’s some:

And for the ones on tumblr i usally just search aesthetic symbols or like “[color, show, etc] dividers”

I’m not the best at explaining so sorry if this doesn’t make much sense..

I like to map out where things go, like the first part being things about me, my socials, and any tiny details, but for roleplay blogs I put the in character intro first, I prefer keeping it clean and organized but feel free to do whatever layout you think is cute :3 and some of the tags I listed will take you to the things I’m talking bout :D

And if you ever need me to help out finding stuff that matches feel free to ask (I live for decorating…)

[iwadori]

Haikyu boys when they make you insecure PT 1 (Kenma,Kuroo)

Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6.

Word Count:3k 

genre: angst, fluff

masterlist

Kenma:

You and Kenma have been in a long distance relationship for a while.

Both of you stream, Kenma doing it seriously for his job and you just playing it for fun,

Sometimes you stream together of course but because of your difference in audiences and games you don’t do it all the time

“Bye guys! Hope you enjoyed todays stream” You wave off to the camera and shut off your PC taking a few sips of water.

Kenma: Hey.. nice stream today Y/N are you going to watch mine?

Y/N: Of course I will 

Kenma: Ok talk to you later

Y/N: okayy <3

Kenma is what inspired you to stream, he also taught you all the ins and outs of streaming making sure you were set and ready. Your gaming style was very relaxed and friendly as you obviously weren’t streaming as a career just for fun and to make friends with your online viewers. The games you played were usually: minecraft, COD, Sims 4, Roblox, Animal crossing and *Insert your favourite game here* the way I literally named all the games I play 

You wait for Kenmas stream to start, kind of excited as you’ve always loved seeing your boyfriend in his ‘element’ when it comes to playing to games. As your boyfriends stream starts you see he’s already chosen what game he is playing today which is to your surprise Call of duty, since that was the game you were playing earlier.

As he gets into the stream you are entertained, as always since Kenma was being his usual self laughing at his own deadpan jokes and interacting with his viewers. He is currently waiting for his capture the flag game to start so as he waits he decides to read some comments in the chat.

You’re used to the usual ‘Kenma where is Y/N I miss your usual streams together’ or ‘kenma please RAIL me’ which always makes you laugh. You were also used to the common hate comments Kenma and You both got on your streams but you were definitely not ready for this..

@ Ihatewomanandiamadick : Hey Kenma did you see your girls stream today she is so dog shit at COD lmaoooo jhdfkjdrhdrr

“Well hello ihatewomenandiamadick” started Kenma “but yes I did see Y/N stream and obviously she is not the best at games and I would definitely NOT ask her to team with me for any serious gaming competitions ... but she’s fun to watch I guess” as he finished speaking about you his game loaded up so he focused his attention on that the words he just spoke going to the back of his mind as they end up at the forefront of yours.

You obviously knew you were no match for Kenma’s gaming expertise but you didn’t expect him to publicly agree with a hate comment let alone add more of his imput on you. Did he really think that about you? ‘She’s fun to watch I guess’ did he not even enjoy your streams that much?

You wanted to distract yourself, and you definitely couldn’t do that watching him so you close off of his stream and get in your bed deciding to watch your favourite show. 

Waking up at 6pm after your sad nap, you see that Kenma has left some messages to you,

Kenma: hey did you watch my stream?

Kenma: do you want to facetime later and play some minecraft..?

Kenma: y/n r u ok??

Y/N: oh hey cnt play minecraft w you rn not really in the mood..

Kenma: oh ok..

Time passed since then a month to be exact and you basically dropped off of the face of the earth, you weren’t in the mood to do anything let alone game and stream, which was a constant reminder of your boyfriend (something you didn’t want at the time.) 

You felt embarrassed over all the things he said about you and all the things you now think he thinks about you and the way you play. Maybe he thinks even worse things about you, beyond just how you game? What if he doesn’t even genuinely like you...or he has someone else...it does make sense, you do both live miles and miles away from eachother AND he’s a big streamer you see the amount of girls in his comments.

You shake your head to erase your protruding thoughts coming in your mind, but it doesn’t really help. You and Kenma haven’t spoken much over this month he tried to constantly reach out to you at first but you assume he got bored over your constant, repetitive dry texts. So you were almost content with you and Kenma not even being in a relationship anymore.

However on Kenma’s side, he was beyond worried about you. Since you haven’t been streaming or barely responded to his texts he thought something happened to you, but he didn’t want to be seen as ‘overstepping boundaries’ if there was nothing wrong at all with you and you simply were just ‘not in the mood.’ 

So here he is, in Kuroo’s apartment trying to get him to help him out on finding out what is wrong with you.

“So kenma can you remember what happened the day when Y/N went ‘ghost’“ asked Kuroo in a mock detective voice

“Y/N didn’t go ‘ghost’ Kuro, and take this seriously” said Kenma “I’m worried bout her”

“Okay fine, but for real what’s the last thing you remember before she started acting all weird.” 

“Umm I think it was around a month ago I did my saturday stream and I think she was on it but she didn’t leave her usual nice comments throughout”

“Ohh that was the stream when you sai-” Kuroo said before pausing his words as the memory of what Kenma said about you on his stream came in his mind, as even Kuroo thought it was a tad bit harsh for Kenma to say all those things “I think I know why Y/N has been so distant kiddo”

“What why?” Asked Kenma

Kuroo pulls out his phone and brings up the clip off what Kenma said and Kenma’s face cringes ‘did he really say all those things about you’ he thinks. 

“Shit.. I didn’t know I said all of that” he said quietly “how do I make it up to her?”

“There’s only one thing you can really do Kenma” said kuroo

You are woken up out of your sleep by a knock on the door. Getting out your bed like a zombie, you trudge to your front door only surprised by what you see. There in his 5′6 glory stood your ‘boyfriend’ Kenma with a controller and a kitten teddy in his hand. You were very tempted to shut the door in his face and get back to your dreamless sleep but you waited on him to speak.

“Hi Y/N” he said quietly “wanna play some minecraft...?”

“Why so you can ridicule me on how shit I am?” You ask bitterly ready to shut the door on him

“No! No not all” he said stopping you from shutting the door entering your place “Y/N i’m really sorry on what I said, I wasn’t thinking AT ALL... I love watching your streams and I think you’re great at playing games...I was just being a dick,”

You take a deep breath before tears pool in your eyes “what you said really hurt me kenma..” you say “ I know people say shitty things on the internet all the time... it’s the internet. But I wasn’t expecting you to agree with the hater and say even more shitty things on top of that.. I don’t think I want to even stream anymore”

Upon hearing that, Kenma’s mouth parts open with shock ‘you dont want to stream anymore’ were his comments that bad? Now he feel even worse as he should and is now more determined to make things right. 

He impulsively drags your arm into your game room, catching your surprise ‘what is he up too?’ you think. He stops for a second seeing your usual pristine gaming set up, collected up with dust. 

“What are you do-” you start 

“Just wait!” He says, as he rushes away turning on all your stuff and logging onto his twitch account as he sees the views go up he starts to speak

 “Hi guys, its me kodzuken and today I’m here on stream with my beautiful girlfriend and today I want to say..” he turns to you “Y/N im so sorry for the horrible things I said to you that day... I was just being a dick and I’m sorry I really am.”

You look at the chat and you see some confusion and some people recalling his words from last month. “It’s fine Kenma, I forgive you” you say giving him a hug”

“Okay Y/N, so what do you say... wanna beat my ass at bed wars?” He says with a smirk 

“When have I ever loss?” you return his smirk

Of course you did beat his ass as bed wars for rounds on rounds never losing proving yourself to actually be a good gamer girl. You enjoyed your time with Kenma, forgetting what he said before about you and moving on. 

Eventually, you guys moved in together and streamed together all the time and yes you still do play for fun but you’ve gotten way better at COD (some may say better then Kenma) but who is better didn’t matter to any of you, as long as you got to play together that’s all you both cared about.

Kuroo:

Kuroo and you have been together since you were in your first year of high school 

You met as friends first when you got him to tutor you in chemistry ( a subject you still aren’t that good at.)

Now you have your upcoming entrance exams for university in a month so your school has you doing mock exams in preparation for them.

20%

You look down at your chemistry paper that your teacher just handed you. 20%. You’re surprised, very surprised since out of all your subjects (that you go 90+% on) you studied on the chemistry test the hardest ensuring Testurou, that you didn’t need his help at all. But I guess it turns out, you did.

This failing mock grade put a blunder on your day, you didn’t interact with anyone and didn’t want to see your boyfriend so you skipped your usual routine of meeting him on the rooftop and went to the library instead ‘might aswell start early on your studying’ you thought.

As you were going over your chemistry topics, you hear an ‘ahem’ next to you and you turn your head only to find your boyfriend and his friends next to you. Kuroo with his usual goofy smile on his face. 

“Hey kitten where were you at lunch?” he asked 

“Needed to go to the library, Chemistry is kicking my ass” you mumbled 

“Oya” he said as he noticed your chemistry test laying under your textbook “20%, well damn Y/N I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know you were that stupid” he laughed doing his stupid usual hyena-like laugh.

Ouch well that hurt. You slightly flinched at his words, “Really your name, you didn’t know the molecular formula for ethanol, that’s first year work” he said continuing to laugh “I’m pretty sure that’s one of the first things I tutored you on when we first met” 

His overbearing laughter was not good for you, you were already having a bad day and yes you do know your not that good at chemistry but you didn’t need your chemistry-enthusiast boyfriend to make fun of you for failing. Kenma and Yaku stood there awkwardly obviously aware of how bad Kuroo is making you feel but they didn’t really know how to stop his friend in the moment.Whilst he’s still dying of laughter you decide to pack up your stuff and leave the library.

You managed to get your Chemistry tutor to let you retake your mock paper in a week so that means, extra hard studying with no distractions you definitely can’t fail again. Since studying on your own was definitely not a good option, and you couldn’t go to Kuroo (especially after he ridiculed you) you decided to ask the second smartest person you know to tutor you.

Y/N: Hey Yaku! Can I ask you a favour?

Yaku: Hi Y/N what do you need??

Y/N: I have my chemistry retake next week, and as you know from your loud-loud friend I failed my recent test so can you tutor me?? 

Y/N: Pleaseeee

Yaku: Ok Y/N why can’t you ask Kuroo you know that he’d be more than happy to help

Y/N: Yakuu pleasee just help me out 

So there you was, nearly a week done with your study sessions with Yaku and you’re feeling way more confident than before. 

“Y/N what is the functional group of a Carboxylic Acid” Yaku asked

“umm... COO?” 

“Great! that’s correct Y/N” he praises i dont actually know if it’s correct or not

You then hear a knock at Yaku’s front door and hear his mum let the person in, Kuroo then enters Yaku’s bedroom with shock plastered on his face surprised to see you here.

“Y/N...hey?” he says confused “what are you doing here?”

“Oh Mori-chan is just helping me with chemistry for my retake tommorow” you say nochalantly internally smiling at the twinge in Kuroo’s face at the purposeful use of Yaku’s first name.

“So why didn’t you ask me to help you know I’m a chemistry whiz” he asks

“Maybe I’m too stupid to be taught under your tutelage” you mumble “since I seem to forget whatever you teach me, even when it’s 3 years ago... but ok”

“Y/N I-” he starts 

“Oh save it Kuroo, I have studying to do” you say cutting him off

“But I-” he tries

“So Mori-chan COOH is the function group of ethyl ethonate right?” you ask ignoring your boyfriend who is now at a lost for words

“ummm yeah it is” says yaku who is clearly feeling heavily awkward at the tension in his bedroom.

Kuroo leaves and you and yaku finish off the studying for the night, you did feel a little bad for being a bit mean to Kuroo but it’s karma for him being a dick to you. 

You wake up the next day ready for your exam which was first thing in the morning, before you hand in your phone you see a message from Kuroo,

Kuroo: I know you’re still mad at me, but I think you’re going to do so well on this test. You’re not stupid at all, you’re really smart and I love you < 3 

Kuroo: Good luck Y/N

You don’t respond to the message but smile at the sincerity of it and thankful for the boost of confidence it gave you before you start your exam.

Finishing the exam with a smile, you were confident you did well as everything you and Yaku went over was on the paper and you’re almost certain you atleast got more than 75%. You have to wait an hour before your teacher can give you your results, so in the meantime you might aswell reconcile with Kuroo.

When you exit the classroom, standing there was Kuroo who seemed to have been waiting for you for the whole duration of the exam.

“So how was it?” Kuroo asked, apprenhensive as he assumed you would just ignore him like you did at Yaku’s house.

“It was fine, I think it went alright..” you say

“Kuroo”

“Y/N”

You say simultaneously, he pauses for a second to let you speak “I’m sorry I was being so stand offish when we were at Yaku’s I just wanted you to see I could do it on my own, and when you called me stupid I really took that to heart since you and I both know that Chemistry wasn’t ever my best subject” 

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, and since it was only a practice test I didn’t think you’d take it to heart but I am sorry I know you aren’t stupid.”

Before you got to say anything else, your Chemistry teacher exited the room with your chemistry paper in hand. Kuroo grabbed your hand anticipating your nerves and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Miss L/N” said your teacher “Well done on your chemistry test” he turned your test around to sure a perfect 100%. Both you and Kuroo gasped, you were elated to say the least you wanted to jump up and down in excitement but a PERFECT 100%.

“I’d also like to add that you have now got the top chemistry score in the school beating the previous title holder Kuroo Testurou” said your teacher, this made Kuroo open his mouth even wider in surprise nearly making you giggle at his response. 

Your teacher took his leave, leaving you and Kuroo in the hallway “ I guess i’m the chemistry whizz now “ you say wiggling your eyebrows just as Kuroo did to you before at Yaku’s this made him chuckle as he came to put his arm around you.

“Y/N don’t get ahead of yourself now, you may have won this battle but I will win the war” he said smiling

In the final exam, you continue your winning streak also getting a near 100% and still beating Kuroo which didn’t matter to either of you, now you’re just like him cracking chemistry puns and jokes all the time which none of your friends appreciated but atleast Kuroo found them SODIUM funny.

AN: Please kill me for the last line of Kuroos, I didn’t really like Kuroo’s since it was a bit self indulgent with my hate for chemistry but what do you guys think?

[my-pink-yandere]

❤Obsession❤

Prompt: Yandere Bakugou, Midoriya, and Todoroki (separately) has a crush on Y/N...who is actually obsessed over a fictional character.

C/N: Character Name

Warnings: Yandere Tendencies, Swearing, Also this is sorta long cause I wrote a lot ;-; 

💥Katsuki Bakugou💥

❥ This boy is angered when he finds out about this

❥ Like wow he’s super pissed

❥ If you’re unfortunate enough to ever have a Yandere Bakugou take a liking to you, when he realizes that you’re obsessing over someone who isn't him, a fictional character nonetheless, he’s... well...

❥ “Very upset” would be an understatement

❥ He sees that as basically losing to a person who doesn’t even exist

❥ The chaos begins when he’s in the middle of his daily routine of admiring staring at you from afar, and when you stand up with one of your friends and begin walking out of the cafeteria, he hears a few... interesting statements escape your mouth as you pass him by

❥ “I can’t believe you actually like them, Y/N! You’re totally hopeless when it comes to love, huh?” His head was tilted your way, seeing your friend looking disappointed and you looking flustered. “It’s not my fault they're so perfect!” you answered, practically radiating embarrassment. He smirked, assuming you were talking about him. I mean, who else would you get so worked u about>

❥ “Besides, I’m not the only one who simps for C/N! So shh-”

❥ ...

❥ All that’s going through Bakugou’s head right now is why that name wasn't his

❥ He’s gone eerily still, and all of his friends sort of stop and look at him

❥ “Bakubro? You good-”

❥ Bakusquad is going to have to hold Katsuki back from blowing up the entire cafeteria

❥ This b*tch only sees red rn

❥ ‘WHO’S THE PERSON YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT AND WHERE CAN I FIND THEM SO I CAN BREAK THEIR F*CKING KNEECAPS’

❥ he got murder on his mind :0

❥ Despite how angered Bakugou is, he’s not a complete dumbass, believe it or not

❥ He’s not going to confront you about it, at least not right now.

❥ Once he calms tf down, he’ll come to his senses and have his top priority being to get rid the competition first, meaning he has to hunt down whoever C/N is and delete them from existence

❥ When he learns that C/N is actually a fictional character from some anime tbh he just feels extra insulted

❥ You chose a f*cking fictional character over him >:(

❥ It’s now where he begins to get even angrier when he realizes how easy it should’ve been for him to notice sooner. All the stickers on your school supplies, the pins on your bags, how you’d sometimes sneak in their merchandise to show off to your friends at lunch

❥ It was when he overheard you possibly owning a body pillow where he went feral

❥ Will go out of his way to steal your shit and burn all of your merchandise of C/N, or anything that would remind you of the character

❥ He’d catch you when you were alone, and would shove you off your feet as he’d grab your bag and roughly go through it, angrily tearing off the stickers on your notebooks and pins off your bag as your crying and screaming at him to stop

❥ At this point he doesn’t care about how you feel about this at all. It’s never even crossed his mind (blind rage)

❥ His plan is to pluck C/N out of your life, replacing all your thoughts of them with just him, so you’re only thinking of him

❥ It doesn't matter to him if they're good thoughts or bad thoughts

❥ All that matters is that you’re thinking of him

❥ Only him.

In a nutshell, he’s gonna steal all of your items that have any reference to C/N and get rid of it all. He doesn't care how much he’s hurting you by doing this, he’ll concern himself with your feelings later. He’s going to hang around you more despite your protests for him to just leave you alone, quite literally forcing his way into your life so that he infests himself into your brain and become the only thing you think about, so that you can truly understand how he feels about you.

💚Izuku Midoriya💚

❥ Bold of you to assume he doesn't already know about this “obsession” of yours

❥ This child takes notes on EVERYTHING and ANYTHING related to you, so he obviously knew about your love for this certain fictional character

❥ At first glance, he believes your obsession with C/N is similar to him with All Might- just an innocent but deep admiration for them

❥ He’ll buy you their merchandise and gift it to you at school (accompanied by some flowers and sweet little cards of course ❤)

❥ He was nervous to do this at first, his crush on you rendering him a stuttering, blushing mess whenever you so much as glanced his way, but he pushed through his anxiety just to see your cute smile and feel your warm hug when he gives you those gifts

❥ He cherishes those moments more than anything, to see you so happy

❥ (Especially because  it was him to make you so excited! Not Kirishima or Uraraka... him)

❥ He’ll binge the entire show as fast as he can and memorize everything he deems as important just so he can chat with you about it at school

❥ “Isn’t C/N so cool?” he asked you, and you had quickly turned to him with a surprised and then starry gaze. “Izuku, you like them too?!”

❥ You were both on a first name basis now ;D (You even gave him a little nickname: ‘Zuku. Let’s just say he was a bit more than ecstatic when you began referring to him in such an informal way. You must really like him! ❤)

❥ And Midoriya, being the delusional little yandere he is, sees this as you both basically dating

❥ You both hang out everyday at school, discussing the show and characters, who your favorites were, how the plot was going, etc.

❥ You see him as one of your closest friends now, and eventually you trust him enough to bring him to your house to chill without your family home ;0

❥ The thing was, Midoriya noticed how you would never invite anyone from school to your house, always brushing it off and just saying how your parents would get angry or how dirty your room was

❥ This was the first time you’d ever invited anyone from U.A. over to your house

❥ His thoughts were running wild as you both walked home together: ‘What’s Y/N’s house like? Will their parents be home? Why have they avoided anyone coming over until now? Have they only invited me because we’re dating? Are... are we going to kiss?????’

❥ (For clarification, even with the dorms in place, over the weekend you like to hang out at home where you’re more comfortable)

❥ “We can re-watch some of the episodes for awhile. I think I also have some snacks...” you grinned, and he memorized every detail of your house as you both made your way to your room

❥ He was greeted with a room filled entirely with C/N merchandise, but caught his attention the quickest was your bed

❥ You had a body pillow of C/N

❥ Now Midoriya, like I said before, is a very delusional yandere

❥ He has excuses for literally everything you do. You love him just as much as he loves you after all!

❥ But this

❥ This he cannot ignore

❥ He was just staring at the pillow with a blank face as his eye twitched

❥ “’Zuku? What's wrong?”

❥ “Hmm?” he hummed, turning towards you. “Oh, nothing! It’s just, um, your pillow...”

❥ You felt your face catch on fire as you moved to block his view as you tried to quickly shove it under your bed. “UHM, HAHA SORRY ‘BOUT THAT I FORGOT IT WAS THERE-”

❥ Midoriya was quiet as he watched you struggle at hiding the pillow

❥ He was thinking

❥ He loved All Might a lot, but he’d never buy a body pillow of him

❥ What type of love did you have for C/N?

❥ “Hey Y/N?” You turned to look at him, but the moment your eyes met you felt a shiver run down your back. Izuku was smiling at you, but his whole vibe was different...

❥ ‘Was he angry?’

❥ “Why don’t we watch a different series today?”

In a nutshell, he’d go along with your character obsession up until you cross the line, and that would be either him finding out about you reading fan fiction of C/N, a body pillow of them, or some... questionable fan art you have of them saved on your phone. Then he’d do anything in his power to distance you from that show, hiding your merchandise and distracting you with more hero-related hobbies, like geeking over pro heroes or training. Just please stop simping over C/N. You’re making the smol boi jealous of a fictional character :( Why can’t you just pay attention to him a bit more?

❄️Shoto Todoroki🔥

❥ Tbh he doesn't really acknowledge your love for this certain character for awhile

❥ All he focuses on is that you look really happy and cute when you talk about this show

❥ That’s all that really matters to him 😊

❥ Similar to Izuku, he’ll buy you all of their merchandise just to see you all adorable and excited

❥ And Todoroki is a rich boi so that’s a plus

❥ Will probably buy u all the expensive merchandise and you’ll just be 🥺️💞💞💞

❥ The only reason he never really gets angry is because he doesn't understand what's so terrible about your little obsession with the show/character

❥ He just sees it as a little hobby of yours that you’re really passionate about

❥ Despite his cold demeanor, Shoto is always trying his best to support anything you do

❥ While he can get very intense as a yandere, we gotta remember this is Shoto we’re talking about

❥ He probably has no clue what simping even is

❥ He only gets bothered when you own a body pillow or compliment C/N looks too much (he doesn’t appreciate you getting so worked up over someone who isn’t him... even though you both aren’t technically dating)

❥ But he wont flip out like Midoriya or Bakugou

❥ If you both are on the couch at the dorms and you're just going on and on about C/N he’d prob just like-

❥ Reach over and grab your hand and just state how cute you are

❥ He’s a bit of an idiot when it comes to flirting, but he notices that whenever he touches you in an affectionate way you sort of freeze up and forget what you're talking about for a few seconds

❥ Because of how supportive Shoto’s been you sorta developed feelings as well 

❥ Cause I mean who wouldn't ;)

❥ He becomes your close supportive weeb friend :D (even if he doesn’t completely understand what a weeb is...) 

❥ But Todoroki doesn't like that title that much

❥ But he’ll take it slow because he loves you and wants you to love him back :)

❥ “I like it when you smile like that, Y/N.”

In a nutshell, Yandere Todoroki is prob the calmest of the three. He doesn't understand how simping works and the idea of you passionately loving a fictional character more than him has never crossed his mind. But he uses your love of the show to get closer to you. Closer and closer and closer-

Until maybe he can just be the one to make you smile, and not just that character from the show :)

[jostepherjoestar]

Hii! Lá squadra with a maladaptive daydreamer teammate? Always pacing and always daydreaming ab smth. Talking to themselves and stuff. (sorlato included) thank u so so much ❤️

La Squadra and their maladaptive daydreamer teammate HC’s

Oh this was very interesting to think about, and to be honest a challenge to La Squadra’s capabilities of understanding others and their ways of being. Enjoy 💖✨(i’ve put this in a more positive? situation since it’s an actual disorder and i’m not sure anon meant it in that sense, not all daydreams can be good ones though. Take care my friends ☺️)

CW: maladaptive daydreaming that impacts daily and work life

also sorry if there’s mistakes, i barely edited, this was written before my mental auwchie that i’m working through rn!

Risotto

Risotto is one of the more understanding members of your team. He’s always observing and noticing the smallest changes in behaviour. Yours and that of your colleagues. From the very first day you became part of his team he’s noticed you stare off or just cease to listen to whatever was going on around you. Lost in your own little world, not even realising the deeps sighs you let out every once in a while, mind a million miles away. Sometimes he even hears you quietly talk to yourself, hardly making out what it is you’re saying, but when he hears your laugh- that genuine one reserved for the things you truly enjoyed- he’s assured that you’re not struggling at the moment. It’s only during important meetings that he’ll gently ask you to focus and be present. If it becomes a frequent hinderance and it starts to affect your work he’ll let you know privately, knowing you well enough by now that calling you out in front of the rest would be rude.

Formaggio

He finds it rather odd, questioning if you’re not just ignoring others while you live the daydreams that are far more entertaining and sometimes even exciting than whatever is going on in reality. Formaggio won’t beat around the bush, asking you bluntly if you get bored of him. It’s only when you explain yourself that he truly understands it, making him reflect on his own behaviour instead. He does often talk to himself, commenting on his own jokes, the people around him or just a random thoughts that had to make themselves known. When he notices that familiar pacing it makes him so curious to know what you’re thinking about. Often asking you what’s on your mind, even if it doesn’t really interest him, he’ll hear you out until he gets bored. He will, however, yell at you during missions if you happen to get caught up.

Illuso

What on earth could be more important than him? To be so entranced by something else while he’s clearly posing and basking in the beauty of the evening sun, ponytails perfectly parted and cascading down his shoulders, awaiting anyone’s attention. Like a groomed show cat, he’ll get annoyed and just ask for your attention instead. Ugh, why can’t you just realise he needs to be seen and appreciated every once in a while. Snapping you out of whatever daydream that was unfolding, surprised that so much time had already past. The plot was just getting juicy. “Why don’t you just write them down like a normal person?” His insult bringing you to the realisation that it wasn’t even a bad idea. When you thank him, that determined look in your eyes still not paying the man any mind, he sighs in disappointment. But halfway through writing down whatever grasped your attention before, you got even more distracted by a newer and more interesting one, opting to just go back and have a chat with Illuso so he’ll stop bothering you for attention.

Prosciutto

He’s never minded your daydreaming, never too present to witness the more intense bouts that made you pace the floor and clench your fists like today. After many attempts at trying to grasp your attention and failing every time, he just stops you dead in your tracks. The man’s hold perhaps a bit too strong for comfort as he searches your eyes for lucidity. “Calm down, ok! You’re making me nervous.” Prosciutto is a bit of a worrier himself, just not on the outside, gears always turning and analysing his surroundings and the people in it. It only sets hims off to see you pace and mumble. But he understands, extending that kindness he offers to Pesci to you, asking if you need anything to ease you back into reality. He can be softly kind and caring, he needs the rest of team to be in top shape so you’ll all be able to count on each other.

Pesci

Pesci will stare off with you, trying to see what had captured your attention, even getting up to stand behind you to see what was so interesting. It’s only after realising you weren’t paying attention at all that he realises you were lost in a daydream. He’s a bit curious about the whole thing, carefully asking you questions. He won’t completely understand but he tries his best and offers his help. Not really sure what he can do but very adamant on offering it anyway. If it affects you during missions Pesci will be sure to gently snap you out of it.

Melone

The enigmas of the human mind greatly interest Melone, having read more than enough books on the topic during research. Not that much is clear about the treatment of it though, so he’s interested in how you handle it. He’ll be sure to ask a lot of questions, about the topics of them, what could possibly trigger them. If it’s too much or too personal he’ll stop though, however it won’t erase his curiosity. He’ll observe from a distance instead then. After yelling at him that you’re not a human experiment he’ll actually back off and stop. Don’t worry though, if you need actual help after a bad day, the daydreams not really of a positive nature anymore, he’ll try his best to calm you down. If it get’s too bad he’ll urge you to seek help with professionals.

Ghiaccio

Just like with Prosciutto it’ll set him off as well. If you’re pacing and mumbling he’ll stop you as fast as possible, it’s too distracting and it enrages his senses. Even if you’re in your own room, he’ll hear the floorboards creak and storm over. His anger can be clouding, deep down he is truly concerned for you. But it never really comes out that way, he’ll scold you and demand your attention during meetings. When you calmly tell him afterwards that it’s not really helping and his yelling could set you off, he’ll take a DEEP breath to calm himself down. Realising that perhaps his anger isn’t the best option. After the short talk he’ll be a bit more calm and less harsh, holding himself back from lashing out and instead approaching a tinge more restrained.

Sorbet & Gelato

The two like to observe you from the couch, twisted into each other’s hold. Their amusement wears off though, realising that maybe it isn’t as entertaining as they first thought. Gelato will actually try and help you, gently ushering you back to reality, while Sorbet won’t offer any support. The two will mostly worry or reprimand you if starts to affect your work though. They need to be able to count on you and your full attention. After some convincing Sorbet will soften up, if only a little, at Gelato’s request. Instead yelling at you to snap back, he’ll intently poke your arm.

[thegeminisage]

So like, I was just thinkin bout Dean n John today and if Mary and him were in the boys adult lives again (as per the latest season,) what wud the dynamic be?bcus John doesnt NEED Dean like he used to so I think certain pressureswouldn't be there anymore but hed still be controlling of Dean and try to dictate or manipulate his independence, right? Like those abuse dynamics don't rlly go away but manifest differently, I'd assume?

YES yes yes yes sorry in advance this is going to get so much longer/more off-topic than u bargained for, but like okay i’ve said before i think that half of john’s problem is that he didn’t have mary to be there and be his “john don’t” person for when he’s being a huge asshole. and it’s actually really wild writing this fic i’m doing rn where they’re all under the same roof again bc now that john has mary most of his REASON to be such an asshole is gone, but it’s already sort of solidified itself as habit. so i’ve actually been having a really wild time trying to figure out where he’d push things and be his worst self and where he’d sort of agree to stow his crap because mary is standing next to him and What Else Matters Except Mary

i like to think that since mary was such a distant, hard person sometimes, that to match that john before her death was someone who was very kind and giving and emotionally available - that sam and dean’s natural aptitude for empathy and kindness, in a terrible twist of irony, came from the person who was arguably the one to treat them with the most cruelty

it’s more fun for me if john really was a genuinely good person once upon a time, not because #johnrights or anything but because it’s sort of an example of how easy it would be for sam and dean, who are also good people, to lose themselves and turn into the kind of monster he was. and they ARE capable of being terrible - in fact, i’d argue that john makes sam and dean the worst versions of themselves. when he’s around, kind gentle mild-mannered sam’s temper is on a very shouty and aggressive hair-trigger, and stubborn determined asshole dean becomes a passive people-pleaser. many times when sam and dean fight, it comes back to the different ways john raised them and repeatedly inadvertently pitted them against each other

and also on that note, i do think, for all that i rage about hating 14.13, that john’s character was done best out of any of them - he was teary and fully prepared to self-flagellate (a form of deflecting guilt by making the person you’ve hurt want to stop airing their own grievances so they can console/reassure you, and we know from his journal john is a master at deflecting guilt) and also he was not at all mad about anything anymore BECAUSE HE HAD MARY BACK

it’s sort of like dean in season 13 - in the span of just a few episodes, he goes from wanting to kill jack and kill himself to being the happy-go-lucky fella we see during the brokebacknatural episode. cas comes back and it’s like a switch flipped - it’s practically a full 180 overnight. john and mary’s love story is as real and important to them as dean and cas’s is to us. so once john gets mary back, yeah, no, not only does he not NEED dean anymore, but the source of his pain (losing his wife) has almost completely dried up. so like.......god what is he even LIKE now, you know? what is he like with sam and dean??

you know how in season 12 dean is talking on the phone to cas and he’s like “please help me i literally don’t know how to act around my own mother”? probably like that, except in mary’s case there was no old habit to fall back on, and in john’s case they do still have their old dynamic of drill sergeant/soldiers 

(it’s also important to remember i think that john is only Nice John WHEN HE HAS MARY. if uh for any reason mary takes some issue with his parenting choices and decides she needs a break, i think it’s very likely john would immediately seek out dean to be his mary-replacement again, and lean too hard on him just like he did for all those years she was gone)

but even though john’s MEANNESS is reduced to almost nothing (comparatively lol) when mary is around, i don’t think his levels of ENTITLEMENT would change. that’s a hard 22-year habit to break. like he’ll come back and boo-hoo about how sorry he is about sam and dean ending up where they are (again, this is self-flagellation/deflection) but he’d also feel he had every right to know all about their lives now, what they did when he was gone, a right to tell them what to do now - less in an “ordering” sense and more in a “i know best” sense, but the result is the same. bc of course he would also still think he absolutely knows better than they do even though at this point they’d be practically the same age. 

and like: obviously sam would push against that assumption bc he always has, but i think dean would struggle a lot bc he’s grown up and grown out of his dad’s shadow, and he has people in his life besides john and sam now so he doesn’t have to white-knuckle them so tightly, but he also doesn’t know any...other way to be. like when mary comes back. wtf do we do now, you know??

and speaking of sam: i definitely don’t think dean’s going to be the mediator between sam and john anymore. firstly because sam is old enough now and has had enough distance to understand how that all screwed dean up and is not the sort of person who would want to add to his brother’s pain, but ALSO because i think grownup sam would see letting john piss him off as letting john “win.” post 5.22 sam has sort of mastered his anger issues, and he values self-control so highly as a way to cope with his trauma that letting john provoke him into losing that control would upset him and he’d do everything in his power to avoid it. so no more fighting for them, and no more mediating for dean.

so like, to answer your question finally, i think it would probably be like the old dynamic, but less earnestly. it’s something that’s a fallback, not something that comes so naturally anymore. so it’s the same except there’s all these stops and starts and moments where it chafes. and instead of dean stepping in between john and sam it’s sam (and possibly mary) stepping in between john and dean - not because they’re fighting, but because john is always going to be overbearing simply by virtue of their loaded history, and dean’s family would want to protect him from that (i really dug the way they triangulated around him when he was having a crisis in 14.12, so that’s the vibe i’m aiming for in my fic anyway)

[spn masterpost]

[izukult]

Okok awesome! 🖤🖤 I do have a wide variety in my music taste but artists most in my rotation are definitely Tyler the creator, Doja cat (streets?? Pls on rpt 🤤) and Arctic Monkeys, (pls don’t feel restrained by these artists tho !) very much chill vibes and driving late at night if that makes sense asjfkdkka. Personality wise I’m pretty awkward and fairly antisocial, very much ->🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️😨 but once you get to know me I’m pretty loud and a little much tbh 🤭 like my laugh is genuinely TOO loud lmaooo, and I would very much appreciate it with Kageyama if that’s not too much to ask 😳👉🏼👈🏼 thank you again 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

hello my love. if i hadn’t known you, i wouldn’t have done this any kind of justice. BUT STRAP YOUR ASS IN WIFEY YOU KNOW WHAT IT BE. @chubbybunny111

you and kageyama.

oh god you and kageyama would scare the fuck out of me as a couple. have you seen those memes like boy who doesn’t talk all too much 💖 girl who loud asf? you two. LMAOOO.

definitely you two make fun of each other. on the daily. but, he also grumbles little compliments to u all nervous like. i feel like he would very much like your hair?? like,, it’s so curly,, it’s so pretty,,,, do a fella a favor and let him play with it, yeah?

i’m just imaging you in your straight clothes from high school and him in a disgusting unwashed sweaty ass volleyball uniform😻😻 IM SORRY OK ANYWAY

you two share earbuds all the time. just sittin next to each other in moderate silence with tunes playing.

he is so bad at texting LMAOOO. you’d send an ironic emoji and he’s done for? he just stares at it. blankly. void of any emotion other than confusion.

“i’m sorry did you just send ‘🤕’ after telling me you love me?”

“hey, you’re crying. why are you using 😋 right now?”

i’m sorry for making fun of him but also i’m NOT THATS SO FUNNY.

now, don’t take what i said earlier wrong, he’s not just like oh yes quiet around you (that’s not his personality people need to be better🙄), but when you two are in public he’s not like really affectionate? unless he’s jealous because he is (infact) an insecure bitch, but whenever that happens it feels forced and awkward figure that out kags.

we see the way he acts with hinata like? if he’s comfortable with you he’s going to be loud as fuck there’s no denying it. yall get told to shut up like on the daily?

shares his milk with you😁 not his food tho

LMAOFJAOFJS IM SORRY BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MANS RELATIONSHIP WITH EATING? you ain’t getting between that babe

anyway here’s a fucking playlist for your hot ass i am literally in love with you. i really like this playlist tbh :)

1. sometimes (backwood); gigi- starting off with my favorite song at the moment. this isn’t really completely a deep meaning with the lyrics thing, because this song is pretty sad? i think it’s so vibey. it’s so good. it’s just a gentle, quiet night with the windows open and a full moon. however, like i said he’s insecure and has overthought while listening to this song.

2. breezeblocks; alt-J- mostly just a banger, indeed. you’re driving (i would not trust him behind the wheel? ever?), the lights are super pretty, he’s looking at you from the passenger seat ‘discretely’. he doesn’t want you to go, so those lyrics are accurate, but he’s also not a murderer dw😁 he couldnt

3. i wanna be yours; arctic monkeys- PHEW. OKAY. OKAY JESUS CHRSIT. no because you don’t understand yall are in LOVE? like in LOVE. he probably kisses you for the first time while this shit playing. he also, by default, blushes EVERY TIME THIS SONG COMES ON. such a lil bitch baby🙄

4. sucker; jonas brothers- stop before you say anything this song is unironically so good. i? could imagine you like? terribly dancing to this i dunno. i feel like if you got tobio in the right mood he would jam to some music w you‼️

5. EARFQUAKE; tyler, the creator- i think kageyama was like the kind of guy who mentally was constantly like “i want a gIRLFRIEND FUCK🤬🤬🤬”, but lile also once it happens? svary as fuck. have we not talked about how he does not really like himself much (thinking ab him practicing his smile rn poor baby). so yea, bad self confidence & in love with you. this song. PLUS, it’s a banger.

6. streets; doja cat- you at him lmao. do i have to say anything else?

7. ivy; frank ocean- he would put this song on a playlist for you and then not tell you about the song or the playlist and still get nervous about how youd react lmaooo. however, yknow in movies when like the guy looks at the girl and the music swells? that but with an emo volleyball player and frank ocean

8. redbone; childish gambino- very chill vibes and driving late at night energy. this song plays while yall lay on like ur couch or smth and you’re messing with the ends of his hair and he’s playing videos on his phone with one hand and like kind of awkwardly nervously trying to hold ur hand with the other and he just does the pinky thing thAT WE WERE TALKIN BOUT LMAOO

9. cocoa butter kisses; chance the rapper- i feel like if you were to smoke, this is the song you’d get high to. i don’t have much reason other than that? i can just see this playing in the background as you two exist together

10. my kind of woman; mac demarco- man, you’re really driving him mad🙄 BUT‼️ I THINK? ITS ALRIGHT WITH HIM😳. he’s absolutely whipped and he didn’t even know he had the ABILITY. i feel like you like to prove people wrong, so here’s another instance.

11. casual; doja cat- i know everyone hates getting played, but you feel like you would take a LOTTA precautions to avoid that, including the whole walls up deal. you’re super upfront about it? you’re not like secretly testing the waters, you’re like ‘if ur fucking w me gtfo of my face lol’ but clearly you wouldn’t talk to kags like that (however he’d hurriedly say he’s not a little too loud)

12. afraid; the neighbourhood- ABSOLUTE TOBIO ENERGY (also oikawa energy, i think its so cute that we are married and the mfs we choose to love r rivals). but anywho, absolute MAD tobio energy. yes he also takes out his insecurities with anger don’t actually like he’s not gonna have to work on that lmao

13. sex on fire; kings of leon- arguably one of the best songs to ever exist. he would be like ?!😳 the first time he heard it and youd probably like flick him LMAOFJAODJ this is just a good jam song for you two. he would definitely sing this song with you, don’t care don’t care

14. scary love; the neighbourhood- i’m beginning to think the neighbourhood just has kageyama energy? remind me to look into that later. either way, i’m putting extreme emphasis on this song. this song is completely how he feels. this song is IT. he watches in anticipation as he “shows you it cos it’s a good song”. please just be nice to him (while also bullying him😁)

15. when you were young; the killers- you’ve made out to this song i’m so sorry. MAYBE THATS JUST BECAUSE I THINK THIS WOULD BE THE PERFECTTTTJRJEJTI SONG. god. good fucking music. equal mix of good song and the lyrics hitting

[izzyfandoms]

Chosen - Chapter Five

(This is a Gender-Swapped Sanders Sides high school au)

SUMMARY: Logan Berry, Dee Ceite, Patricia Foster, Virginia Picani and Regina and Rena Prince are all 16-year-old high school students. They live relatively normal lives, with ordinary lessons and ordinary crushes and ordinary families, until one day a monster shows up and attacks them after class, and everything suddenly changes.

SHIPS: Moxiety, Logince, Dukeceit

WARNINGS: Sympathetic Remus, Sympathetic Deceit, swearing, siblings arguing, sexual implications

GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @ajdraws0430 @phantomofthesanderssides @creativity-killed-thekitten @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game

CHOSEN TAGLIST: @coasting-on-a-wave-of-apathy @littlestr @whispers-stuff-in-your-ear

Masterpost

FIRST CHAPTER | PREVIOUS CHAPTER

“And then Regina was like ‘what? I don’t have a crush on Logan!’ which is super silly ‘cos they’re so obvious and she’s told me that she likes Lo so many times!” Patricia rambled on.  

“Mmm,” Virginia hummed in agreement; she was painting Patricia’s nails with a pretty, dark purple nail polish. “It is pretty silly.”

It was Sunday, and they were currently at Virge’s house, in her room, sat together on her bed.

“Yeah!” Patricia blew a raspberry.  

Virge tapped her girlfriend’s knee. “Stop moving, you’re gonna mess up your nails.”

“Oh, sorry, honey!” Pat stopped moving. “Anyway, Logan totally likes her back, right? I mean, she’s basically told us. And Dee and Rena, too! They’re super-duper in love, I just wanna take their faces and smush them together until they get married and live happily ever after!”

“As entertaining as that would be,” Virge said, finishing Patricia’s left hand and moved to the right one. “We shouldn’t meddle. Let them deal with their own shit.”

Patricia tutted lightly. “Language.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Virge said. She examined her own nails – pastel blue, painted by Pat earlier – double checking that they hadn’t been damaged, though they were already dry. “You know I’m right, though. You’re always telling me not to interfere, no matter how often I want to tell them. They’ll figure it out on their own.”

Pat sighed. “Yeah, I know.” She then giggled. “Doesn’t mean we can’t still complain, though.”

Virginia hummed in agreement again, and the two sat in comfortable silence for almost a minute, as Virge finished painting Pat’s nails. Once she was done, the pigtailed girl looked over her hands appreciatively.

“Yay! Now my nails are your favourite colour and your nails are mine! It’s perfect!” Patricia giggled, beaming.

Her girlfriend gave her a small smile. “You’re adorable.”

Patricia giggled again, softly, a light blush on her cheeks. She leant forward, careful not to smudge either of their nails, pressing a kiss to the tip of her girlfriend’s nose. Virge waited a few moments, watching her girlfriend adoringly, before she pounced, the shorter girl falling back on the bed, the taller almost on top of her.  

Pat spluttered with laughter as Virginia tickled her sides, the purple-haired girl grinning mischievously as she did so.

“Ah, Virge!” Patricia exclaimed between laughter. “You’re gonna- you're gonna make me mess up my nail polish!”

Virginia finally stopped the onslaught of tickling, pushing herself up so she was hovering over her girlfriend, and shaking her head to get her hair out of her eyes.  

Patricia wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s neck, pulling her down to kiss her properly and closing her eyes.  

Virge kissed her back eagerly, her hands at her girlfriend’s waist. Pat’s lips were soft, as usual, and tasted vaguely sweet, like strawberries – she switched up the flavour regularly, so it was always a bit of a surprise. Virge’s lips, by contrast, were always slightly chapped, as she tended to chew them when she was especially anxious, but, in Patricia’s opinion, that didn’t make kissing her any less enjoyable.

“Ewwwwww!”

The two teenagers pulled apart immediately, their heads turning sharply to face the door, which was now open. Virginia’s eleven-year-old sister, Anne, was standing in the doorway, making a grossed-out face. She was wearing one of her sister’s old black-and-grey hoodies, and she had eyeshadow smudged under both eyes – she'd never admit it, but she was absolutely copying her older sister’s style.

“Get out my room!” Virge screeched, turning red. She sat up and grabbed one of her pillows, chucking it at her sister.

Anne dodged the purple projectile and ran off, laughing. “Mom, Virge and Pat are kissing again!”

“Leave them alone, Dear,” Emily half-scolded from across the hallway, though she was still smiling pleasantly. This was honestly the harshest she ever got with her daughters. She walked up to Virginia’s bedroom door and gave the two blushing teens a slightly apologetic smile. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” She teased, shutting the door.

“Mom!” Virge whined, before turning back to her girlfriend. “I’m sorry my sister’s such a brat.”

Patricia poked her shoulder teasingly. “Don’t be mean.”

Virge rolled her eyes, but pressed a reassuring kiss to her girlfriend’s forehead. “I’m not being mean; this is just what it’s like having a sister. Ask Regina or Rena, I’m sure they’d agree.”

Pat pouted a little at that. “I wish I had a sister. You’ve got Anne, and you’ll probably have Dee, too, soon.”

“You can bond with Logan about it, I guess,” Virginia shrugged.

The pigtailed girl gasped, her eyes brightening. “Logan can be my sister, then!” She pulled out her phone, careful not to mes sup her nail . “I’m gonna go tell her, right now.”  

CATS

Patricia

Logan!!!!!!

Logan!!!!!!!!!!

Logan!!!!

Logan!!!!!!

Logan!!!!!!!!!!

Lo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dee

I should’ve muted this chat.

Logan

Patricia, you now have my attention.

Patricia

Logan!

Your my sister now!!!!!!

Logan

*You’re.

Also, what?

We do not share any parental figures; how can we be sisters?

Regina

God ofc you use perfect grammar in texts ilysm

Logan

What do ‘ofc’ and ‘ilysm’ mean?

Rena

it means she wants to fusdjjkfhfjshfkldjfdkshfjdhfdjfhsdkhfksdlfhsdfh

Virginia

oops guess renas been murdered

Logan

What?

Dee

Ignore her

Regina probably just tackled her

Regina

ur right!!!!!!!!!!!

gina did take my phone!!!!!!!

but I took hers and now im locked in the bathroom!!!!!!!!

i can say whateva i like!!!!!!!

REGINA IS TYPING

Dee

Oh dear

REGINA HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM ‘CATS’

RENA HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM ‘CATS’

Virginia

using my admin powers for good

“Virge!” Patricia exclaimed, poking her girlfriend’s shoulder disapprovingly.

“What?” Virginia shrugged. “Do you want to hear everything Rena has to say about what Regina and Logan wanna do with each other?”

Pat wrinkled her nose uncomfortably. “Well, no... but it’s mean to remove them!”

“Fine,” Virge sighed. “But if Rena starts talking about sex, I’m going to remove her again.”

PATRICIA HAS ADDED REGINA TO ‘CATS’

PATRICIA HAS ADDED RENA TO ‘CATS’

Virginia

rena if you talk about anything inappropriate from either your phone or reginas im blocking both of you

Regina

I finally got my phone back!

And I agree

Pls don’t do that  

Rena

:(

what counts as inappropriate tho

Virginia

anything that would upset pat

Rena

boo!  

boring

“I’m going to fight her.”

“Honey, please don’t.”

Logan

Patricia, what was it you were trying to tell me at the start? Your statement about us being sisters was factually (and grammatically) incorrect.

Patricia

Were the only people on the chat without sisters!!!!! That means we should be sisters now so were not alone!!!!!

Logan

*We’re and *we’re.

And that does not make sense.

Besides, Dee doesn’t have any siblings, either.

Patricia

She and Virge are gonna be sisters soon right!!!!!!!

And youre my sister now sorry I dont make the rules!!!!!

Logan

*You’re and *don’t.

You were the one who made this chat. You do, literally, make the rules.

Virginia

(just go with it)

There was almost a minute of no texting, though everyone appeared to still be online, and Patricia shifted closed to her girlfriend in the interim, practically seating herself in the taller girl’s lap. Finally, Logan started typing again.

Logan

Fine.

Patricia

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m going to spam you with heart emojis now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Logan

Please, don’t.

Patricia

Okay I won’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dee

I hate to interrupt

But my mom just got a message from Remy

Apparently, she and her parents are inviting us (and Mr Thomas) and any of our parents who know about the monster shit (her words not mine) to this fancy party at her place next Saturday . We need to dress kinda fancy, like dresses or fancy shirts and trousers, as it’s like tradition or something to hold these parties for each generation of chosen ones

Mom says she can tell any of your parents who don’t know the truth that you’re all at my house

But she also recommends you tell your parents whats actually going on

Virginia

ew party

Rena

ew telling dad the truth about the monsters

Logan

I didn’t think you were one to shy away from the truth, Rena. Wouldn’t it be easier to be honest with your father?

Rena

normally i wouldnt care

but if dad finds out about all this he could get all protective and shit and try to stop us from fighting monsters and all that other ‘dangerous’ stuff

Regina

Ugh, I can’t believe I acc agree with u

Patricia

Im still tryna figure out how to tell my moms!!!!!!!  

I might ask Miss Emily to help me but idk

Virginia

she would she loves u

Regina

Wait lol pat arent you at virges house rn why r u texting  

Patricia

Because I love all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RENA IS TYPING

Regina

Before you speak

Is it appropriate?

Rena

no

Virginia

then dont

Rena

):

Virginia

dee can u get ur mom to text my mom the details  

Logan

Mine, too, please.

Dee

Sure

Regina

Me and rena will have to ask dad later hes busy rehearsing lines rn

Rena

acc hes probs just txting the dude he went out with yesterday lmao

he wont tell us anything bout it and got kinda awkward when we asked bout the guy he went out with

so im assuming they fucked

Regina

I hate you so much

Stop saying that

Fight me

One day Im acc going to fight you and it is going to be brutal

Rena

i will win

Patricia

Hey now!!!!!!!

No fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!

“This won’t end well,” Virge said dryly, rolling her eyes.

Patricia hummed quietly in agreement, her brow creased. “I wish they wouldn’t argue so much, it makes me sad.”

Her girlfriend opened her mouth to respond, but she was cut off by the bedroom door opening again. They both turned and watched as Emily stepped inside, giving them a smile.

“Patricia, your moms are here.”

“Oh, okay!” Patricia pocketed her phone and wiggled out of her girlfriend’s lap, jumping up and stretching. She took a step in the direction of the door, before pausing. She glanced up at her girlfriend’s mom with a slightly sheepish look. “Um, do you think at some point you’d be able to help explain the chosen one stuff to my moms? I’d like to tell them, but I’m not sure they’d believe me straight away.”

Emily’s expression softened; she put her hand on Pat’s shoulder supportively. “Of course, dear. In fact, I’m having dinner with Harriet on Wednesday. Would you like me to tell her then?”

“Yes, please! That would be super helpful, thank you!” Patricia beamed. She then turned on her heel, back to her girlfriend, and leant forward to kiss her quickly. “Bye, Honey! I love you so much!”

“Love you, too, Pat,” Virge responded softly, a little embarrassed that her mom was there to witness this, but still smiling slightly.

[solarsystem69]

Hi 😊 for the system asks how about 🤫: Any Funny System Stories? 🥰: Any Wholesome System Stories? 🎨: Any Hobbies That Everyone In The System Enjoys? - c (The Union)

(Some of this is text convos i’ve had with ex-best mates and some is nsfw cuz funny stories for us generally are rude in nature lol nothing too explicit just weird flirting really) 

we used to make lissie and max dance together and lissie is like "hes an arse but i like to dance so okay" and max is like "fuck off" he dances with her anyway. so like yeah. then we are listening to music and we're like "Dance with lissie" and hes like "no" and so lissie is like "just go back to your lonely tower then, you downer" and hes like "Fine, i will. I will go.. all alone... to my bedroom" like thats hmmm. so once hes gone, lilly is like "Thats an open invitation to you to come to his room to bone" and lissie is like "lol no... wait... is it??" and doll face is like "oh definitely  " and so we send lissie off to find out whether it was in invitation to bone or not. and in our front room we have screens. a main one for the outerworld and some other ones for different rooms in the inner world castle. and so i tap the screen cuz its a little sketchy to use. but anyway, lissie had been upstairs for a while so were worried he killed her  but we see what went on. Lissie went to his room and knocked on the door and he answers. and hes like "I thought you told me to go away." and shes like "Yeah but i didnt think you would and then lilly said you gave me an invitation to join you and bone so.. i just..." and hes like "You came to take me up on my offer to bone?" smirk and shes like "Ugh no. you're an arse and youre rude and obnoxious" and hes like "Oh please go on, im very flattered rn" and shes like "it wasnt a compliment. ugh i hate you." and he like " actually you dont. you like me " and shes like "what no ew" and hes like "You do. i can see it and i understand why. They are all the same downstairs and im not like them" and shes like "Woah, dont you dare say they. they are all individuals" and hes like "Yes. but theyve all got strong morals and good hearts. and youre bored. so you like me" and shes like "ill kick your ass okay. those things are good things to have. youre a jerk" and by now shes like gradually moved closer to be 'intimidating'? and hes like "oh really?" smirkyness and shes like "Yea. youre just so mean and arrogant and you are such a bad person, you need to be--" and hes like "Say it, baby. i dare you." and shes like "..Punished.." and then bam hes practically throwing her on the bed and like ......... so thats when i turned that screen off. so like hilarious in hindsight but at the time. shooketh.

Doll face and lilly integrated (merged into 1 chick) which makes sense because doll face is too emotionally stable but impulsive and lilly is too emotionally unstable but logical. they didnt choose it and it is fairly easy now. or easier. doll face (loved them so much but ) was wayyy too impulsive. always making decisions for the worse but were fun which would have been fine if they actually cared but they didnt. thats okay. they were young. and lilly was lonely and needed to care a little less about her past. and idk. but its deffo for the better. yeah they were family basically anyway so i think shes really happy about it tho sometimes they do look in a mirror like "Wow. now ive got no dick and some small tits". i mean lmao. she really does focus on the small boobs thing. and we're like "they are average 🙂 " and shes like "No. easy for u to say tit-anosaurus rex"

Also, Nate almost called one of our ex-best mates mum’s a milf. 

(ugh going through old messages to mates to see if i can find more funny stories ad accidentally came across trauma ewwww miss me with that shit)

Wholesome... hmmm. we have plenty of sorta funny, interesting stories. Oh actually yes. I know. Okay, so i sorta just am always stalking around the inner world so i see almost everything. But this starts in our front room (like our fronting room but our living room, its genius ik)  we were listening to music (or Nate was) and Fox decided to come dance in the fronting room to the bops and me and Lilly saw them dancing very saucily together 😏 ya know. So we laughed and left. So we're listening to music on the way home and Lilly, Fox and Nate are in the room. And its all chill and then Nate starts flirting with Fox and Fox is all blushing and looking down like "Idk what to do rn" and Lilly and I are laughing and then Fox slightly reciprocated (as a joke probably...) And now Nate jas him basically pinned against a wall. Not physically just like with his intense eye contact. 😂 its hilarious. Lilly is threatening to go get Lissie because she was like "You two dicks aren't going near each other." And Nates like "What gives you the right to declare where my cock goes?" 😂 like wow. And Lilly was like "Oh I'm just going to go get Lissie then" and Nate was like "No no. Don't do that." Cuz Lissie really has the right 😂😂. Nate asked Fox to kiss him and Fox said "No..." 😂 savage but then you make my balls so blue from heathers came on and I'm dead. Fox: Sorry. Its not you. I just can't.. Nate: Okay. You don't have to. Lilly and me: *Sad eye contact cuz we know why Fox doesn't want to kiss anyone* Fox: *Kisses Nate on the cheek* Nate: *Blushes adorably- breaking his bad ass persona* Nate: you know not all sexual stuff involves kissing. Uh. If you don't want it to. Fox: *giggles quietly like a lil twink* I don't want any sex though. As pretty as you are, I just don't want that. Nate: *is absolutely crushed* Yeah. Okay. But I need some cock so imma head out and try to gain some pride. Lilly: I've not built the village in this innerworld yet so.. Idk where you're heading out to. Nate: *sighs so deeply* I'll be in my room then. Stay out. Fox: Sorry. I didn't mean to egg him on at first only to deny him. I just thought it would be fun and then I thought even if it did lead to sex then it wouldn't matter because I don't mind and then I remembered that I did mind and I don't want that. Lilly: *hugs Fox* that's alright. He'll get over it. He's tried it on with all of us atleast once and we're all women. I would've saved Fox from Nate only He didn't look like he wanted to be saved. at this point in time, our innerworld was still being built by lilly so we all were sleeping in one room, with the littles. and i witnessed the sweetest thing. So I was doing the final checks to make sure everyone was in bed and since Nate doesn't want to sleep with the Littles anymore (they can be slightly irritating) I had to go find his room. He's in a tower room. Its not got a bed and it's freezing but hey no loud children. And as I'm about to turn the corner I see Fox knocking on his door after clearly being there for a while debating whether or not to because Nate told us to stay out. Quickly Nate opens the door and immediately as he sees fox, puts his hand on Fox's arm gently (how sweet. Hes not usually gentle) and Fox is all: I'm sorry. I just couldn't kiss you. Just recently with the bad things and the kissing involved in the bad thing. And Nates all: its okay. I shouldn't have put pressure on you like that. I'm so sorry. I understand. And he's hugging him. Like and kissing his head and hes like "Is that alright?" And fox is like "Yeah. Its nice." And squeezes the hug tighter. So sweet honestly. And then Nates like "I know I'm really sexual and that makes you uncomfortable a lot but you know I would never want you to do anything you didn't want to." And fox is all like "I'm just so scared that I'm never going to be able to kiss anyone ever again because I can't get over that time and I really want to forget it." And Nates hugging him really tight and cuz he's taller, he can rest his chin on Fox's head. And im still watching cuz I'm weird and entranced by these confessions. And then Nates like "Do you want to come in?" And Fox is like "No Littles tonight?" And Nates smiling nicely and is like "No I get nightmares and I don't wanna wake them up. And theyre annoying as heck." And fox is like "I know what you mean. Yeah I'll come in." And Nate leads Fox in by his hips gently. *fox and lissie talking bout feelings* Lissie: what's wrong, my sweet? Who hurt you? Fox: *Wiping tears away* no one really. I'm fine. I don't even know why I'm crying. Lissie: Its okay to be sad sometimes. Fox: I'm not sad. I'm nothing. Just numbness. Lissie: that's worse than being sad. Tell me, sweetie. What happened. Fox: I asked Nate to be my boyfriend. I mean, I was kissing him and I didn't get any flashbacks even when I was overthinking and remembering. Nothing and it was so relieving. And I asked him. And he said he had to go for a walk. Lissie: Oh darling. It'll be okay. He loves you. Fox: Does he now? sigh I just love him so much. I love him more than you approve of. I love him so much I don't know what to do. But in not what he needs. He wants physical love and even so, he cant handle commitment. And I know that you don't want us together so you'll get your wish but I need him. Ive never been so relaxed and happy. Lissie: That's true. I've never seen you so happy as recently. I'm glad Nate could bring that to you but I don't approve, no. But if you're going to be together, I will support it. I will encourage happiness, that's a promise I can keep. I'm not disapproving to make it impossible for you to be together, in only disapproving so you have to prove to me that you two can make it. If you two make each other happy, I will be there for you no matter what. Fox: Thank you..... They spoke more but I didn't listen. After strictly avoiding Nate for three days, Fox finally has the courage to face up to him. As the group exit the cozy dining room, Fox weakly holds on to Nate's elbow. Obeying, Nate stares at the ground, clenching his jaw. "I'll start, I suppose." Fox forces out, false confidence strengthening the statement. "I-I'm really sorry that I asked you out. Of course, you wouldn't say yes. That's fine. Completely fine. And I'm really sorry that I made you uncomfortable with me. I really do like you though. Like love really. And even though you don't feel the same... I can't just be your friend. We can keep trying but it will just make us both miserable. We're just lucky the others are giving us time to figure it out instead of just getting rid of us for being dramatic." Fox rants,  getting out of breath and manic toward the end. "I have never heard you say so many words. Are you okay?" Nate smiles charmingly, concerned. "No." Fox answers honestly, a tremble in his voice. Suddenly, Fox is embraced by warm, strong arms. Wriggling further into Nate's warmth, Fox breathes in the boyish scent of Nate. All sharp and smooth. The arms tighten around Fox's shoulders. "I love you too. You know this. I'm sorry that I've been... Not great recently. I just thought we could both use some space. The village... It's the next thing to be built. But I-I don't just want it there for sex. I wouldn't do that to you. I just like the people they're interesting and good friends. You're the one I want. They're nothing compared to the beautiful complexities of you. I hope you'll accept my request to be your boyfriend." Nate excruciatingly slowly spills his soul, hands rubbing the back of Fox's neck how he likes it. Fox freezes, slowly pulling away after a few moments. "You... I'm sorry, what?" Fox whispers, teary eyed. "Please let me be your boyfriend. I'll beg on my knees, I swear. I'm so sorry. I've never been so lonely as I've been without you. Please come back to me." Nate practically sobs, hands reaching up to cover his face. "You actually want to be my boyfriend? What? No... That can't be right... Right? What?" Fox, ever the articulate bean, mutters, completely confused and shocked. "Yes. I want to be your boyfriend. I won't have sex with anyone and I won't hug or touch anyone else I swear. I miss you so much. I hate everyone else so much. I need you." Nate falls to his knees, taking Fox's hand in his and pressed his lips to the soft skin as he rambles, tears falling down his face. "You absolute idiot. You moron. You complete fool." Fox sighs, rambling random tiny insults, before falling to his knees and taking Nate's face in his hands. "I'm so totally in love with you." Fox mumbles, pressing his forehead to Nate's. a couple weeks later: they sang a love song together. 😩 I literally cried. Nate on his guitar and Fox singing. Ive never seen him so relaxed and happy. Ahhh. I wanna cry I'm so excited. 😂😂😂 these boys will be the death of me. theyre both the biggest drama queens and they so gay.

im so sorry that was so long but their relationship created so much drama between us bc we didnt know if it would work out and theyre the most wholesome boys, except nate but well he has his moments. softest boiis uwu. 

Everyone in the system likes to sing and play games and read. Fox mainly likes to write and stuff but Evan is also knows for her nice stories on wattpad lmao. We arent very active, so we dont do much sport but we do like badminton and we used to do a running club. Evan likes baking, where it stressed me tf out. i cant even crack an egg right. only Evan draws really. Our main hobbies are minecraft, eating unhealthy foods and sleeping :) 

[vinylhazza]

me listening to fine line thinking bout how i’ve never had my heart broken: wow sad me relating every single song to my dad and how he’s treated me for the past 21 years of my life and realizing it hurts just as much: Oh ok sobbing PLEASE I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE EVEN IF ITS NOT YOU MORGAN SOMEONES GOTTA FEEL ME OR RELATE PARTIALLY. just someone tell me i’m not the only one crying in their room alone after too much wine

2/2: sorry i’m so emotional rn fuck my period and fuck harry atm in so VULNERABLE

baby that’s so heartbreaking 🥺 i’m sure there are people who feel this way and your feelings are so REAL and VALID and i’m proud of you for letting yourself feel these emotions and come to terms with them and understand what they mean and how deeply they impact you even to this day. this is amazing even if it doesn’t feel so great.

i personally can’t relate to that because it was my mother for me so it was flipped around. she was a monster. she ripped my family to shreds and left when the going got tough for 7 years and only came back because she got her karma and wanted repentance. i know how you feel. i know that void and hole you must feel and how just thinking about it makes you want to curl up in a bawl. i know it. i know that it hurts and it feels like it won’t ever stop hurting because he’s your dad and he’s suppsoed to be your hype man and the person that gives you fatherly advice and treats you like you are treasured. i know it must hurt and i want to hug it all away from you. i also hope i haven’t offended you in any way shape or form with this little rant it wasn’t my intention. i’m just sayin...i get it.

i get being wine drunk and sad and i know it all seems too much right now but i’m proud of you for owning this.

this album was raw, unadulterated, emotion in it’s truest form. it makes sense why even if you’ve never been in love or had your heart broken that it would strike a chord. sometimes it’s not always about the words but about the music that really hits. the sorrowful tones and slow melodies that get us thinking yeknow? it’s the sound your hurt makes when it’s hurting. it makes sense.

for me? yes i’ve had my heart broken. i’ve had my heart torn out, wripped to shreds, scattered on the floor, crumpled up, thrown away, flushed down the toilet, thrown in the landfill, and forgotten about. this album RIPPED me to shreds. tore me apart. i quite literally relived it when i heard it. because he wasn’t faking. wasn’t putting on a face. it was harry with his band, sitting down, singing about the truth as he knows it. it’s musical poetry. really what songwriting should be. more than a melody. it’s about truth. and the truth is what i related to because not only was i hurting and wanting to hug harry through it because i know what it feels like. he’s quite literally the only person that’s kept me here for years. he’s saved my life and the fact that he felt? broke me. i just wanted to take it away. i just...know what it’s like.

to miss accents and friends and the person you can’t stop fucking falling for. to miss feelings and be nostalgic for moments in time. but i was weeping for the girl in me that fell for a boy named Harley and had those same thoughts. “don’t you call her baby” “don’t you dare fucking call her what you used to call me.” “don’t you dare act like it was nothing.” and “please just come back and end this pain i’m going through because i have a feeling you’re the only one that can fix it” and “i miss you” and “i’m learning how to live without you in this new found freedom but do i even want it when i feel this way?”

it was like he reached into my brain and bawled up both of our heartbreaks combined and made it into a beautiful masterpiece that is Fine Line. navigating life in a different light that encourages kindness, acceptance, love, heartbreak, lust, and pain. freeing yourself and being okay with all that comes with it.

i know it isn’t all about sadness and it’s actually quite happy if you turn it around on the other hand. like i jam out to all of the songs. but i still feel that pit in my stomach yeknow? because i just know. i can jam out to Adore You and Sunflower, Vol.6, and Watermelon Sugar and Lights up and fucking so many of them i can dance to but i still get it yeknow? like the big picture.

i fucking get it.

but anyways...

you are important. you are valid. you are okay. you are strong. you aren’t weak. you aren’t insignificant. just because he doesn’t treat you right does NOT mean you are nothing. even if it wasn’t a heartbreak from a lover - it was heartbreak. and it still holds resonance and truth and it’s still important to work through and feel. i’m so proud of you baby and you can talk to me anytime you need to.

VULNERABILITY IS BEAUTIFUL. TREAT PEOPLE WITH KINDNESS. GIVE LOVE.

[jackofftao]

Jeno Boyfriend AU !

It’s been a while since I’ve done this so excuse the rust that clouds my writing. It shall clean with time. (lmao that made no sense) 

anyway 

lets get to it !

OKay so we gonna do a like getting together story because I’m a lonely roll

School ! no one loves it 

except for that one weird kid in the back of your class

you ride the bus alone 

and you meet your friends when you get to school, suffer for a bit, eat lunch, suffer a bit more, cry, -lmao you get the point

then you ride the bus home again

alone 

someone bout to change that

Jeno hardly goes to school because of schedules 

and crazy fangirls lmao 

promotions had just ended tho 

so now he’s stuck in this hell hole with everyone else

he rides the bus with Renjun and loud ass  Chenle

also Jisung but he has to stand up because that boy too tall 

Renjun is usually drawing, Chenle is doing last minute hm, and Jisung is trying to figure out how to kill himself with that hand strap thing if he has to stand up while riding this god forsaken bus one more time lmao 

tHATS WHEN 

he notices that theres a girl who goes to their school (and doesn’t chase them down like a maniac) and always sits alone in the back of the bus 

so he gets his nerves out of the way and asks if he can sit next to you because he hates doesn’t want to stand 

and ofc ur like “Ya sure my dude” 

Things are honestly v quiet and weird to start off with 

and he always is looking at you with his mouth opening and closing like a dam fish 

so you start up convo 

“whats ur name ?”

“Jisung”

“Nice, I’m y/n”

Jisung is honestly relieved because obviously you don’t know who they are if you asked for his name. 

“What are you listening to?”

you hand him one of your ear buds and thats how u two become friends 

You two listen to EXO all the time on the way to and back from school 

The group™ asks where he’s been and Jisung is just like “I made a new friend” 

The group™ watch you two like all the time lmao

especially Jeno

soon enough you are talking about classes and such 

“Hey! You have the same classes as my friend Jeno!”

jeno ???

Jisung never really talked about his friends tbh 

you figured he didn’t have any since he was standing all alone 

LMAO RIP JISUNG

anyway so you ask to meet his other friends and he’s like suRE

He told you that they ride the same bus 

u were dumbfounded 

you agreed to meet them after school at an ice cream shop 

The ride to the ice cream shop that day was like playing where is Waldo

“Is that them?”

“no”

“Them??” “still no”

“The bus driver ???”

“What- nO”

“well I’ve guessed everyone on this bus so i just figured-”

“Oh my god you’re the worst” 

When you finally got to the ice cream shop you were kinda annoyed because you had guessed them but he said no 

“You owe me ice cream now”

“for what”

“,,,,,ummm,,,,emotional distress” 

“You’re so dramatic lmao”

he still didn’t buy you ice cream 

When you all sat down it was really quiet and weird 

You and Jisung sat next to each other on one side of the table sharing earbuds and everyone else was on the other side 

“are u 2 dating or what” - Chenle

“No oh my god they’re ugly” - Both u and Jisung 

everyone ended up laughing 

“My name is y/n, nice to finally meet you all. Tbh I didn’t even know you guys existed till this morning.” 

Chenle gasped and held his chest and pretended to have a heart attack or something but it just looked like a dolphin out of water

then Renjun body slammed Chenle into the ground while Jisung cheered Renjun on by yelling “WORLD STAR WORLD STAR WORLD STAR” 

thats when you knew these were a fine™ group of boys 

while the younger ones are off trying to keep Chenle from jumping all over the place

you strike up convo with Jeno 

“Hey ur in my grade right” 

turns out you have the same first period and 5th 

you two hit it off nicely and get really involved in convo 

you two don’t even notice chenle, renjun and jisung leave 

until you look at your phone to check the time and see a text 

From: Jising sang sung

Have fun on your date lmao

Que you laughing but also planning his murder

Jeno walks you home because you live close 

what a gentleman 

the next day at school you sit next to Jeno in first period 

for the next month you two get close 

group projects, free time, ext 

you even start sitting with him at lunch 

he even replaced Jisung on the bus 

bye bye Jisung

Until one day 

Jeno isn’t there 

neither are the boys™

SO your dumb ass finally put 2 + 2 together 

Jeno was an Idol 

so you did some Research™ 

If found my new punch line its ™

and BOOM 

The boys™ are actually NCT Dream

so you start watching some of their MV’s 

and like wow 

Jeno is a visual ?

And he can Dance?

And hes super sweet 

Thump thump is that a crush growing ?

i think so 

You decide to keep it a secret that you know

and wait till he tells you 

after a week you text him 

To: jeNO Bub where you at :(((((   Still Sick ?  To: jeNO I miss you and  >:’0 GET BETTER SOON HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME

He didn’t reply till like 3 am lmao 

and it was just “Oof ya its a real uh nasty cold,,,,be back soon !!!”

and ur like laughing because you know that he has a comeback soon but he out here pretending to be sick lmao 

what a dork 

After a month you start becoming really impatient 

and he still hasn’t replied to your 50 unread messages 

after the second month you stop texting 

on the third month you stop saving his seat 

on the fourth month you move back to your old seat 

you check your messages one last time and you see that your 125 unread messages remain unread 

a couple of weeks later you hear a roar of girls in the halls

and they are comping your way 

and u don’t know why tbh and ur terrified 

but they just run right pass you????

escaped death

but you just continue to the lunch room to sit with your friends

but someone grabs your shirt sleeve panting 

“y- y-y/n” 

“Jeno ??????”

And ur like happy but also pissed 

“You mug where were you ??? Why didn’t you answer my texts!! Ive been worried you know that! I checked my messages every day for 2 months ! Two months Jeno ISTG u better explain urself rn or I’m deleting your number” 

“I know I know Just its- I don’t know how to say this but uh okay follow me and I’ll explain everything”

So he takes you to the fountain our front and explains that he’s an idol and everything and he got really busy with comebacks and felt bad for lying to you about being sick and he didn’t want to keep that up for four months because he would have to have some real bad illness for it to last four months and he didn’t want to have to pretend to be in the hospital and everything just because he had promotions but didn’t wanna tell you because he was afraid you would look at him differently and- 

tbh u were like shut up you mug I already knew you were an idol but it still hurt :( 

and he was so sorry this poor kicked puppy 

“How can I make it up to you?”

“A date would be nice”

“A-a date?”

“yea I think the ice cream shop would do, you’re paying btw”

“Wait you like me??”

“,,,well ya ? I wouldn’t have asked you on a date otherwise”

“Oh okay good. I like you too!”

“Can I call you my boyfriend now or???”

“I’d like that, Girlfriend” 

“Stop oh my god you’re greasy”

and he just laughs with his eyes like crescent moons

[lokidiabolus]

I just saw your update on Ao3 - the one-shot was amazing :) I loved every single one of you Newtmas story and I was wondering if you'd like to write a second part of 'Husbands'? The one in which Thomas lost his memory and Newt is a sad little bean xx ily anyways

Husbands - part 2

AO3 version.

Hi! Sorry the Husbands update took so long, and even more sorry it doesn’t end with the second part x.x I sure hope it does with the third! Have a great day ^^

“It thought Newt could come over fordinner today.”

Thomas hummed, his eyes skimmingover the text on his phone, and it took him few seconds before he realized hiscompany around the table quieted down abruptly. He raised his head in questionjust to see his whole family staring at him expectantly.

“Uh, what?” he blinked and Ava’sface told him there was something big hanging in the air right now.

“Newt?” she repeated with raisedeyebrows and Thomas cleared his throat.

“What ‘bout him?”

The conversation they had in their flat was the last one so far andthey haven’t spoken since. Thomas had several weak moments where he wanted toat least text him, but he always stopped at hey,because he had no idea what to talk about. Reminiscing about the pastendeavours was out of the question when he didn’t remember even meeting the guyand he didn’t want to ask him about it because he stubbornly wanted to rememberby himself. But the memories didn’t come no matter how hard he stared at thepictures in his phone, and he was ashamed he couldn’t bring anything to his ownmarriage at the moment.

“Today’s dinner,” Ava repeated patiently.Was a little weird for her to be this meek, but Thomas counted it towards herbeing careful with the whole business around Thomas’ malfunctioning brain. “Ithought Newt could come over?

“Sure?” Thomas replied simply. Itwas no big deal, right? He wasn’t uncomfortable around the man. At least hethought he didn’t – the convo they had back then broke some ice so having himover in the house with his whole family that could eventually distract himcould do them good. It wasn’t like Thomas was nervous or anything (he thoughtthat while trying to force down a weird feeling tickling him in pit of hisstomach).

“You don’t mind?” Ava’s expressiondidn’t change and the rest of the family was peering at him with similar looks.

“No?” he let out and the tightanticipation in Ava’s face finally eased off.

“Alright then,” she relaxed backinto her seat and Aris with Teresa started to eat their breakfast again, likethey weren’t just staring at him for minutes like two vultures. “I thoughtlasagne is a good choice.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled,glancing back at his phone. Was it Newt’s favourite food or something? It was alittle annoying all of them could say much more about his own husband than hecould.

“Call him to come over, would you,”Teresa’s voice flew over the table to him with faked sweetness and he shot hera glare. She just smiled at him, but he damned well could see the horns peekingfrom under her long black hair.

“Yeah, whatever,” he repeated in alow grumble and after that they finally lefthim alone again.

***

Thomas [10:11]Come over tonight. Dinner time.

Newt [10:14]Sheesh, don’t be so friendly, my heart can’t take it.

Thomas [10:16]Was perfectly friendly and I even threw in a food invitation. You have no rightto say no to free food.

Newt [10:20]Crap, you won me over.

Thomas [10:22]Was there ever any doubt?

Newt [10:25]Hell, I dunno. Maybe like constantly.

Thomas [10:27]You’re so fun. Expect you at 5. Wear a tie.

Newt [10:30]A tie?

Thomas [10:32]Or a dress, I won’t judge.

Newt [10:34]I have my nicest at the cleaners’, sorry.

Thomas [10:37]A tie will do then.

Newt didn’t text back and Thomas tossedthe phone on the bed with a sigh. He didn’t know how to talk to him. He had noidea what to talk to him about either. It was like a person made of glass, likeapproaching it without the right tactics could shatter it, and it just didn’tmake any sense. The photos were clear as a day – they were a couple, they werein love, yet now a brick wall was standing between them.

He crashed next to the phone,bouncing on the mattress few times before the motion stilled, and buried hisface into the pillow. It was already difficult enough to get acquainted in hisjob he had no recollection of either, but people were at least helpful there.

Not that Newt wasn’t helpful. Well,quite frankly not that he was either. He just… existed. There, somewhere, intheir flat, alone. And Thomas left him there because he didn’t know what elseto do or what his husband thought orwanted. When he didn’t even remember meeting him, maybe it was uncomfortablefor Newt as well? They were basically strangers now.

He groaned and turned to his side,his sight immediately falling on the golden ring resting on his bedside table. Wearingit felt wrong, not wearing it felt wrong as well, so Thomas just left it there– on sight, but not on him. When talking to Newt a week ago, it was fine andThomas even thought being around the blond wouldn’t pose a problem. But thenext day and the day after, and basically all week later he just didn’t knowanymore. So he didn’t text him, didn’t call him and Newt kept the silence aswell.

And now the dinner. Newt seemedpissy over the texts as well. Was it because Thomas didn’t call him again? Ormaybe something at work happened. Or he just didn’t feel like going for dinnerwith the whole Thomas’ family. Or with Thomas specifically.

He blindly reached for the phone andstared at their conversation as if he could deduce something else there – acoded message or a sign. He found nothing.

Thomas [10:55] Are you mad at me?

He wasn’t sure what to expect afterasking that, but he still clicked send and waited. He expected no, of course not, because that waspretty much a standard when dealing with unpleasant topics while being in thegrey area. Thomas didn’t need the politeness, but quite frankly wasn’t surewhat exactly he required instead of it.

The phone finally beeped and Thomasstared at the answer for whole minute before the word reached him properly.

Newt [10:59] Kinda.

“Kinda,” he repeated and rubbed hiseyes. Another message beeped.

Newt [11:00]Kinda don’t even want to see you rn.

That stung and Thomas sat up with afrown. Okay, fine, so he played the dead bug, but he didn’t deserve this. Hedidn’t do anything wrong and if Newt wanted to talk to him, he could have,nobody was stopping him from taking a phone and sending a text or call.

Thomas [11:02] Tough luck, you are invited and I will be there.

Newt [11:07] Wellthen. Tell Ava I am busy.

Thomas [11:08] You tell her.

Newt [11:09] Fine.

Thomas cursed and tossed the phonenext to him again. What the hell was wrong with that guy? He was like hot andcold from Katie Perry and he hated that song.

Ava was not going to be pleased.

***

He didn’t see Ava the wholeafternoon. Basically he didn’t really see anybody that much – Teresa went out,Aris was in his room playing videogames and Ava nowhere to be found. He roamedthe house like a ghost, not entirely sure what to do with himself, until henestled in the living room and turned the TV on to some dumb cooking show.

It took about five minutes ofwatching the food being made, which reminded him of today’s dinner probablyhappening in less festive manner, until he grabbed phone again.

Thomas [14:47] What exactly is your problem anyway?

Newt [14:48] Ohwait, let me think.

Thomas grumbled. This was literallyleading them nowhere. He gave Newt five minutes and when no other text came, hedialled his number with a childish need to at least tell him he acted like ajerk for no purpose whatsoever.

Newt picked up on tenth ring,seemingly wanting Thomas to give up, and his what sounded like a death sentence.

“Why did you put me on your goddamnshit list?” Thomas skipped the pleasantries as well and Newt on the other sideof the line scoffed. Alright, so they were already in the arguing phase, whichwas just great. He wondered how often they argued normally.

“Bloody hell, Thomas, do you reallyneed me to spell it out for you?” his accent was more prominent when he wasangry, Thomas noted. “I’m in no mood for that right now.”

“Well, I am,” Thomas shot back. “Iinvited you for dinner and you turned it into a shit show, so what’s up?”

“Youinvited me for dinner?” Newt snorted over the line. “Ava made you.”

“What difference does it make?”Thomas rolled his eyes and heard Newt whisper Jesus under his breath. “Just come for the stupid dinner!”

“Oh yes, now you definitely changedmy mind,” Newt uttered and Thomas heard door being shut somewhere in thedistance. Was Newt out somewhere? “For what even? So we would glare at eachother over lasagne?”

“Well, if you keep this up wedefinitely will glare any given moment,” Thomas said sternly. “Are you mad Ihaven’t called you over a week? Is that it?”

Only a sigh came from the other sideand Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t want to argue. He didn’twant to make a drama out of it, no matter how weird or uncomfortable or forcedit would feel in the beginning. He didn’t text him over a week because thewords just didn’t come, not because he didn’t want to see him ever.

“Look, I didn’t know what to tellyou,” he dropped the voice lower. “I just don’t know how to talk to you cuz itfeels like you expect me to be somebody who I don’t know how to become.”

“What?” Newt finally spoke andThomas took a deep breath.

“It’s just…” he tried, but the wordswere stuck. “Just like. I am not him, you know.”

Silence.

“The guy you married,” he tried toelaborate clumsily. “I don’t know how I to become him so you’d be fine with itand-,”

“Don’t do that,” Newt interruptedhim quietly.

“But why?”

“Because that’s not how it works,”the voice over the line sounded sad. “And because I don’t want that.”

“Me?” Thomas croaked out.

“What?”

“You don’t want me?” anymore his conscience supplied and ithurt. Yes, he didn’t remember meeting him, he didn’t remember falling in lovewith him, and marrying him and cutting the cake at the reception and makinglove to him in the bed, but he knew he would one day, or maybe never, butcutting him off completely was just… not it. Not right. Not ever.

Newt’s voice hitched on the otherside and it was painful. The silence stretched between them infinitely, onlythe faint noise of the cooking show was filling the background.

“I want you,” Newt finally said.“Bloody hell. I want you so much here at home with me, you have no idea. But Ican’t have you and it’s just too much.”

“Who said you can’t have me?” Thomascountered immediately.

“Tommy.”

“I haven’t said that,” Thomasinsisted.

“C’mon, you know it’s like-,”

“Come for the dinner,” he didn’t letNewt finish because it scared him to hear it’snot like that now or it’s not likeyou love me now since that bullshit was way over the line. “Please.”

Another sigh.

“Yeah, okay,” Newt replied faintly.“Okay.”

Thomas spent the rest of the afternoonin front of the TV, while clutching his phone close to his chest.

***

When the doorbell rang, Thomaswasn’t surprised nobody went for the door, but expected him to do it. He didn’tcomplain when getting up from the sofa, and when approaching the door, he stillfelt reasonably calm and controlled, until he grabbed the handle and the entrywayrevealed his lost husband in a leather jacket and jeans.

“Look who’s here,” Thomas welcomedhim and Newt offered a small smile while raising a hand with bottle of wine init.

“I brought a treat,” he let Thomastake the bottle before walking after him inside of the house, automaticallyputting his jacket in the closet without further prompting. He moved around theplace with ease and Thomas had to remind himself Newt was part of the familyand not a random guy who came over for dinner, no matter how alien it looked. Whenhe started heading towards the living room, Thomas’ hand grabbed his wrist andstilled him.

“Wait a bit,” he said quietly,pulling Newt back to the hallway, and the blond went relatively easily. He hadstrange expression though, something akin to fear, and Thomas hoped he would beable to get rid of it someday.

“What is it?” Newt prompted him,when Thomas kept quiet even after they stood in on the spot for a minute incomplete silence and Thomas was still holding Newt’s wrist in his hand,squeezing it gently.

“Thanks for coming,” he saidfinally, hesitantly looking up to Newt’s confused face. “I really appreciateit. And sorry for not calling for so long.”

“I didn’t really expect you to,”Newt commented in a low voice. He didn’t move away though. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not really fine,” Thomasinsisted. The conversation they had over the phone earlier today still rang inhis head, and he didn’t know if it was guiltiness that kept urging him to makeamends or not. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Oh please-,”

“No, I mean it,” he stopped Newtfrom pulling away. “I want to know you better too.”

The blond shook his head with asigh.

“Look, if this is about the phonecall we had…” he vaguely gestured with his free hand, but then no other wordscame out of him. Thomas hummed and let go of his wrist just to slide his handlower to brush against Newt’s fingers.

“I hate the thought of you beingsad,” he mumbled unhappily, looking at Newt’s long, slim fingers he gentlytouched one by one. Newt didn’t move his hand away, but his breath hitchedseveral times during it. Thomas decided he kinda liked the sound. “I just-,”

“The ring,” Newt stopped himsuddenly and Thomas glanced back to his face.

“Huh?”

“You’re wearing the ring,” the blond’seyes were glued to Thomas’ left hand and for a fraction of second Thomasthought Newt would freak out and leave. He took the ring shortly before thedinner party started and it was more of an attempt of how he would feel with it– he absolutely planned not to leave it on. But it felt good, like it belongedon his finger (which was true anyway), so he left it there because it was hisanyway. Nobody from the family commented on it, if they even noticed.

“Well. Of course,” he let Newt togently touch it, like it was the most fragile thing in the world. “It’s mineafter all.”

“Yes, but-,”

“I want to leave it on, if you’realright with it,” Thomas didn’t let him say anything and Newt took a shudderingbreath before nodding.

“I’m alright with it,” he concludedquietly. It made Thomas feel a lot better about the whole day.

[bastard-man]

s13:

hi okay i kept talking in the tags on my last post so here is more about s13 predictions ig

like i said we all know den literally can't function without mac it's been proven several times in the show

CLEARLY in mac & dennis break up

& my thought is how this will affect s13

so like,,,they're lying if they're gonna try & pretend like dennis can actually cope w/o mac if anything i think he needs him more than ever rn. even if dennis miraculously developed quickly & amazingly enough 2 be a dad that doesn't change how much he depends on mac. boy couldn't live without him in s5, and he was still like, okay then? obviously none of these characters r okay but i've seen only a few ppl mention dennis in the latest seasons. consequently mac seems happier this past season especially now that he's out which is great (i mean then u have DDL & then that kinda shattered but let's not mention that rn) but like we know dennis has been like,,,ragin' a lot more & he was diagnosed in s10 & we haven't really seen him happy in awhile like compared 2 earlier seasons when he seemed more calm & happy. what he thinks he needs is to leave his old life behind but what he actually needs, probably, is the gang rn more than ever but ofc he's not gonna admit that! so he run!

there's a number of reasons why i can't see them letting den be gone for any length of time but the main one being that it just doesn't make sense? like frank said u can't just go be a dad & he was right, & even if i think dennis could be capable of that it's obvious he's getting Worse & to be away from his friends, his family rn is not gonna help that, especially when we know he would be miserable in ND which is literally essentially what he says in 10.01 when he gets off the plane. i'm not a dumbass who thinks he's a sociopath & i know he has big feelings but i still don't see this being a situation where a child is magically the thing 2 crack dennis & fix all his problems

so like, there's my argument based on just the POV of the setting. now let's go back 2 den himself. like i said it definitely seems like he's getting worse, & him admitting that he has feelings was a huge, pivotal thing for him especially to admit that to the entire gang. from there they could use that to finally get den's character to open up a lil more & not try to suppress everything which i think is essentially why he seems worse? he wants to be one way & not feel & it's affecting him as it has over the years. we also know from mac, that he's been distant w him. whether u ship them or not they have a connection that's different from all the rest. so mac senses that den is acting different& like pushing him away, & we know it's not bc he's gay cuz den always knew that. this is where theories come into play, cuz it could have to do w den's feelings & trying to push the gang away so that he can pretend everything is okay which i think is a reasonable guess, or if u wanna add another layer to that there's also been the mention of him being uncomfortable with mac being out because now he's scared of mac's feelings & his own feelings.

it could be bc of the thing b/w them, or just the different connection that they have, but mac is the only one who says anything about dennis being distant. so is he only being distant w mac, or do the others just not notice bc they're not mac? either way mac is the one who notices & he's gonna be the first one to notice things going on w dennis. den has been like on a downward spiral almost & i think the RPG & brian jr just brought that to a head, & he runs, supposedly 2 deal w the latter. (i'm sorry i'm referring 2 a fuckin baby like it's a war crime but i don't evenl like them anyway so it's fine)

like depending on how u wanna interpret it, RPG=dennis realizing how he feels about mac, or how mac feels about him, or just the fact that he was all upset about vday only 2 find out mac got him what he wanted more than anythin & it didn't even matter 2 him that there wasn't a rocket bc it was the gesture so i mean interpret that how u will but FEELINGS

& then brian jr=who he apparently knew about but only becomes a problem bc mandy all of a sudden decides 2 show up & also thinks he's someone else so i really still don't understand some of the logic behind this event but anyhow. he's like noticeably v on edge this ep bc he literally had no idea how 2 get out of it & then all of a sudden he's like wait no i don't want to, but that's not the only thing? pretending to be in a relationship w mac & mac telling him he wanted 2 fake it & raise the kid w him was obviously also adding onto that & still his response was "im not gonna PRETEND to be in a relationship w u for the entirety of my child's life" so again interpret that how u will but...obviously we know he decides 2 go raise brian jr

but he's not gonna be able to do that. not bc he's not capable. i'd like 2 point out he left everyone & everything behind including his RPG & his beloved range rover, so i mean he prob left everything at his apartment too. (i have some theories bout this but it is not the time for those) like his car. is still in philly. his decision is made essentially on a whim after a moment w his kid & like an existential crisis while his friends danced around him bc up until that point he just didn't wanna deal w it

so it could've been like a few hours b/w those scenes but it's still a pretty impulsive decision considering it's a child, a new state you don't even like, a lovely woman ur not interested in, and leaving your friends, family, job, and entire life back in philly. maybe he also thinks it'll help him w his feelings. but he's been repressing shit for at least 12 years that we've seen (we know it's been longer like prob his whole life) & noticeably been getting worse, gives a sudden revelation to his friends about his feelings, & then leaves. that's not...okay. like we know they all have trauma & ridiculously unhealthy coping mechanisms but even if u take everything else away he's not gonna be happy having suppressed all his emotions and problems & then leaving having barely dealt with them w the others at all.

especially mac, who's a huge part of this which u can't deny even if u don't ship them. now i do so like my comments are gonna sway a bit more but i think it'll still work even if u don't agree w me on that aspect. personally i think there could be some sort of parallel there about how mac has gotten happier, while dennis has been more unhappy? like mac comes out & u could even argue dennis being jealous & acting that way bc he wants 2 come out & he's been suppressing that for so long but he's still not at a place rn to do it. or even the fact that mac feels more open & free to be himself while dennis feels the complete opposite & if anything has felt like repressing things even more, while mac mentions being sensitive (12.08 hints he feels more free 2 be sensitive now that he's out & doesn't have 2 worry about being so masculine so that he won't be called gay) & dennis mentions his big feelings but he's still not rlly talking about anything bc i mean u don't really just reveal everything suddenly. so especially in that regard he definitely needs mac.

like not only bc of their connection but bc he depends so much on mac & now mac feels more open & honest & i really think den needs to be around him more, not pushing him away (which could also be why) bc he needs to see how much happier mac is & how he's changed & maybe it'll help him open up more, & if anything mac would probably be the best one for him to do that w anyway.

i'm also gonna mention my sort of views on some ways den could come back: now considering his car was still there i think it could even be possible that mac goes home to their apartment to find that dennis is still there, maybe just waiting or maybe packing, who knows. them blowing up the range rover & using the RPG without him only to find that he hadn't left yet, or at all is definitely something i could see happening (& i know this is a more serious post about den but come on i think we'd all laugh @ that) or the thing i definitely see happening is the gang talking in the bar, who knows how long it's been (maybe a day, maybe a few months) & all of a sudden dennis strolls in and says nothing, walks behind the bar & grabs a beer while the others just stop talking and stare. cue title card "dennis is back" (tbh this is one of the most realistic ones i think & i know glenn mentioned it might be funny if he just didn't come back at all but i think this is vastly more funny & in keeping w the show i mean come ON) or there's like the sad part. this again could depend on how u wanna view things. but if u look at it as dennis going on a downward spiral, only for him to kinda hit rock bottom w the RPG & brian jr. (which isn't even a theory that's literally what happened) then we know this isn't good. it's not a typical situation where they leave on good terms, or they leave happy because we know he wasn't happy. we know he initially didn't want this & isn't ready & we know he hates north dakota, & we also know it's not like he's in love w mandy or anything no matter how nice she seemed, as the person he was closest to was: mac. so it's not like he's really leaving for a better lifestyle either necessarily, because he may have mentioned envisioning himself getting married & having a kid but we saw how it went when he married someone he didn't love, and how he again was unable to function without mac, and it's obviously not how anyone plans on those things happening, & if they did have him settle down w mandy which i do not see ever happening we know he'd literally be settling.

so for him to have been going through a rough patch, to hit an extremely low point & then walk away from his friends, is not going to end well. he hit that low point & is now leaving without dealing with any of his problems because his focus is on fixing one of them: the kid, but also how he was affected by frank because he doesn't want the kid to grow up in that same way. so he thinks that's the most important issue, because he also likes to pretend he doesn't have any other ones, & thinks this is the thing he needs to deal with and everything will be fine. but he didn't deal with anything else, he's only bringing those problems with him, to north dakota, to mandy, to the kid, to his "new life." so if anything he's only gonna be more miserable and he won't even have mac there w him, who he literally depends on to function & considering he's only getting worse being w/o mac is the last thing he needs even if he thinks, or wants to believe that that's exactly what will help. idk how they're gonna deal w him being gone, if he's gone for any length of time or anything, but my point is if he's stated to be gone for months or something like that i'm pretty sure he's gonna come back at the worst we've ever seen him because he was only without mac for hours before he realized he had no idea what to do & they were only, what, a few miles away? part of all this is that he's codependent but that is most heavily dealing with mac. s5 dennis was still doing pretty okay, considering. so him not functioning without mac was just pathetic. s12 dennis has been a mess & him being without mac at arguably his lowest point is kind of scary to think about.

[goldenscript]

HEY HEY it’s fine, your health always comes first! my friday was really interesting and today i finally went grocery shopping so there’s that. how’s your weekend so far? LMAO UR LITERALLY ME. i often feel detached from people or even myself but it takes .0000081 seconds for a tear to slip out when im reading or watching anime. omg i cried sm the second season of haikyuu bc like.. my baby oiks deserved to go to nationals man, seijoh deserved to go ;-; dont get me wrong i was sooo proud of (1/?)

our crows but like.. oikawa!!! i watched a couple episodes of avatar yesterday and i already love how flawed zuko is, you can see it right from the start. i already know what happens tho okay HAHAH. AND GIRL IM SO HYPED FOR INFINITY WAR!! LIKE aSDJD I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL, SHIT’S BOUT TO GO DOWN. WHICH REMINDS ME, BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA IS SET IN A UNIVERSE WITH SUPERHEROES AND IT’S HONESTLY V CUTE. which ALSO reminds me i had a fic draft about how an ex-superhero mc who’s next door (2/?)             

who’s next door neighbors with a notorious anti-hero (superrrr orig ik, i was like in 9th grade ok i’m cringing) and she finds out about him through some funny circumstances bc for one, she’s not dumb. she can piece it together. she lost her powers in some way and is trynna adjust to reg human life and she doesn’t want anything to do with playing hero anymore bc of uh “PLOT.” shit happens. never got past the 3rd chapter lol which made me realize that long fics weren’t for me, i lose (3/?)

motivation too fast but it just sucks bc idk how to condense it enough for it to be a oneshot. when i randomly write, they still hit up to 20k so I DONT KNOW?? maybe i just write too much. i’m just as disorganized as i was 4-5 years ago ;; AH FF(.)net AND QUOTEV. GOOD OL’ TIMES. the first fic i read was about infinite’s woohyun bc he was my bby at the time lmaooo. and wow  i’d love to read your revamped fics and whatever else you have in mind!! the thing about fantasy is that it’s so broad (4/?)        

u can literally do anything with it!! LMAO WELL I MEAN TBRH IT’S JUST BTS but HM WHO DO YOU THINK MAtCHES THE JOB DESCRIPTIONS?? wink wink. ALSO sorry that i talk so much omg u must hate reading my messages lmao i feel like i always have a lot to say (5/5!!!)  -sjsu    

lemme just say that i don’t hate getting your messages at all ok!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i have a lot to say especially when the topics are within my interests and girl talking to me abt cringey fanfics, ugly crying over sports anime, & black panther are perfect enough reasons to babble over! i promise!!!!!!!! i look forward to talking to you girl (’:

thank you! i honestly just went out to my friend’s bday dinner yesterday night and chilled at home all day today. i’m supposed to hang with my dad and probably go out driving tomorrow so we’ll see. as of rn, i’m fooling myself into thinking that i’m gonna work on my english paper rn but i’m compromising and telling myself to just find quotes and write my thesis then saving the actually writing for tomorrow. but LMAO I’M GLAD YOU CAN RELATE. I WORRY THAT I’M ALONE ON THIS SOMETIMES. yeah, i detach easily and i don’t mean to but sometimes i prefer to let my mind drift and daydream because it’s so much more interesting than day to day life. buT I GET SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ANIME OK. I CRIED FOR SEASON TWO ALSO. LIKE OIKAWA WAS SO HARDWORKING AND FUCK WHEN THEY LOST TO THE CROWS I WAS SO SAD BC I HONESTLY WISHED THEY COULD BOTH WIN SOMEHOW. like fuck that anime is good, making us sympathize and love like literally everyone you meet because the biggest antagonist in that damn show is time and how one minor point just fucks everyone over and kjsdhfsjkdhf i love haikyuu!! sooooo much. god

LMAO IT’S OK. i spoil myself a lot with shows and movies bc i’m a big like movie person especially in the MCU and horror cuz i like knowing that what i’m watching is worth all the fuss (this goes for most movies in general) although for black panther i didn’t spoil myself because i could feel it in my gut that it would end my entire existence and guess what it did? ended my entire existence. AND OMG INFINITY WAR SDFSDKJHF I’M SOLELY WATCHING IT FOR T’CHALLA TBH. I NEEDA KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GONNA HAPPEN WITH HIM AND THE REST OF WAKANDA OK. AND OMG IT IS? I LOVE THAT. OK FOR SURE I’M WATCHING IT OK.

i only played an interactive story app abt superheroes and it was so freakin’ cool. now this makes me want to replay it ‘cuz it’s just a trip man. the story line is great and i love the idea of superpowers. and omg that story of yours sounds so cool! like imo a trope / plot can seem “cliche” but how you execute it is what really makes the biggest different! like make me feel!!! make me love and hate your characters!!!!!!!! but yeah, honestly, i’m really starting to disbelieve in my skills at writing multi-part fics bc it’s a STRUGGLE. i write to finish i think. but i’m challenging myself to write series bc i have a few that i reallyyyyyyyyyyy want to write. and holy shit 20k????????? that’s amazing! i’ve only done that like once and i haven’t read it in hella long.

whenever i get around to it (man, i’m starting to get annoyed with myself for using this phrase kjsdhkjfsh), i will most def hit you up!!!!!!!! my first fic was like......... uh.... fuck i can’t even remember but i will admit i did try writing twilight fanfic too. in terms of kpop, my first was this jungkook drabble that i never saved and actually deleted after a few days but another one was this yoongi drabble that i currently have up rn that isn’t too bad. but ok girl telling me, a girl who thrives off structure and a basis, that something is broad is HELL for me. like i really need to think things over and make sure it makes sense and it’s just hard. i struggle but i’m trying.

rjgnkjsgkjsdhfkjshf alright, alright mundane jobs for earth-bound bts:

jin: cafeteria lady (sorry bb), everyone loves him, his station’s the cleanest, and no one hates him like............. at all. not even Boss, who everyone FEARS

yoongi: janitor but not really he doesn’t clean and his boss loves him too much to make him do work

hobi: retail worker bc he will not let any atrocity walk out of the store no matter what, doesn’t need his powers to get anyone to buy anything, makes pouches A Thing

joon: librarian, likes to observe ppl, somehow likes humanity even tho we’re messes (”aren’t we all messes, after all?”)

jimin & tae: delivery boys aka the bats bc they move like they’re coming straight out of hell

jungkook: mcd cashier, hates his job, sometimes gives people melted ice cream bc they looked at him funny

[rainbowravioli]

the way yoi staff is either blind or just rly fucken stupid. ive seen a lot of written reasons why people love yoi, and yuuri's probably the biggest one. cuz yuuris anxious. stubborn. chubby (at the beginning). yet so relatable. having him not to win gold, and to lose to yurio is like slapping him into face with words "nice try, loser, but not enough." on the other hand, letting yurio win is also a crime. its like telling him: "u're a brat, but thats ok." not only it doesnt help him, (1)

it just absolutelly messes with his character. and hes not even happy with gold. cant see how rude he will be in 2nd season. now, yurios cool. in his own twisted way. & breaking the cliché "the main character always wins" may look nice, but in the end its just N.O.N.S.E.N.S.E. yuuris favourite of reasons. of good reasons. some relate to him thanks to chubbiness, others due to anxiety. but hes not normal character. hes complex, yet so relatable. rly nice to see such a character like him. (2) thats why not letting him win is a big slap to the face. and dat character mess in last episode? (last only. ep 11 still made sense with characters, while the narrative was slowly destroyed [dem scores] - then in ep 12, the story made no fucken sense). there was anon who wrote to soobaki&you, the one with autism. i can feel their rage and disappointment in show. yuuris one of few reasons i still care bout the show. others are victor (they gonna fuck him up, save him), other characters (3) and their development (are they gonna defend yurio's behavior. i wanna kick his ass - i don't care if he has tragic backstory, thats no excuse for such a behavior hes doing). also, can they treat chris like person and not sex symbol. u just gotta have feeling staff loves yurio more and ignore yuuri. sometimes i wonder if they despite yuuri cuz of his "glass heart" (such a shitty name for his personality). also, the behavior to victor? asses, give him to me and ill write him a proper story. (4) i relate to yuuri way too much, too. imma not kiddin', when finale happened & i figured out what was goin' on, my school marks just dropped down. people may laugh at me, but when u still have the message "nice try, try again" in ur head, people cant expect ull be doing excellent. & the fanon theories? vic cant do the dishes? bitch, ive been taking care of myself from young age & never had a problem doin' dishes (i do live w parents, but they kicked me to care bout myself pretty early). (5) cooking meals isnt my strongest thing, but i can prepare smth for myself to not die from hunger. dissing vic's character like dat? fight me, assholes. hes not like that. "hes an alien" thing? someone fucked up, can u feel it. btw, sorry for long message. you probably have tons of asks rn. let yoself rest too. peace~ (6)

You guys never have to apologize for long messages. I’m always very happy you want to talk to me. Also, yes, entrust me with your anger and salt! I’m here for you guys. 

I’m always here for Yuuri appreciation and Victor defense squad so let’s get to it. 

Like I mentioned here (x), Yuuri is one of the big reasons YoI works and achieved the popularity it did. Seriously, go look at positive reviews of YoI. Even in short ones, they usually take the time to specifically point out Yuuri as being an excellent character and protagonist. And he is. He’s a huge part of the initial appeal of the series and of what distinguishes YoI as something new and original.

Yuri on Ice is an adult story. Yuuri is not the typical sports anime protagonists who is a teenager still learning the sport and wanting to make it to the big competition for the first time, who has to learn about teamwork and friendship and is still growing up. No, Yuuri did all that already. He’s an adult, he’s the top male figure skater in Japan, he is in the middle of his career and it suddenly goes terribly for him. Yuuri is emotional, he has weight problems, he suffers from anxiety and a deep imposter syndrome that makes him an unreliable narrator, but he’s also determined and stubborn and he hates to lose. And he’s an adult who is facing the lowest point of his career and having to find the strength in himself and his support system to move forward. He’s complex, nuanced, flawed and very realistic. Many people can relate to him or identify him as someone they could easily know in real life. The audience wants Yuuri to succeed and to finally believe in himself and prove his self-worth to the world.

Aaaaaand that’s one of the reasons why episode 12 doesn’t work. There’s really no reason to have Yuuri lose, especially when we are told and shown throughout the series that he always had the ability, he only lacked the confidence. Having a consistent build up to Yuuri winning gold at the GPF only to have him lose is not edgy, or clever, or “realistic” (x) (if I have to hear this argument one more time I’m going to set something on fire). Breaking the “cliché” does not make for quality writing. It’s particularly baffling in a series like YoI that managed to consistently surprise the audience in ways that added to the narrative and made sense, like the brilliantly executed plot twist of last year’s banquet.

Thing is, in the case of YoI, Yuuri losing is not even breaking the cliché because Yuuri’s entire story and journey doesn’t adhere to typical sports anime conventions to start with. Having him lose to Yurio is particularly insulting. Not only does it justify every single one of Yuuri’s earlier fears and doubts but it completely turns the story’s themes and meaning on its head. Yurio is a brash teenage genius who has been a prodigy since he was young, starts the series already believing he is better than anyone and then he proves it by shedding his entire identity for better scores (and developing super powers in the last episodes). Did Yurio learn anything? No, other than having his terrible behaviour justified. Hell, he’s even unhappy with his result because Yuuri beat his FS score, how dare he. Did Yuuri learn or gain anything? No, just that even while trying his hardest and battling through his anxiety he’s still just not good enough. Genius > hard work.

It’s weird and concerning how the staff has been acting and talking about the characters post finale. Sometimes it feels like they just wanted to make Yurio the protagonist but were aware he would never have been able to carry the story properly (YoI wouldn’t be even a quarter as popular as it is now if it had been Yurio on Ice, fight me). I just want them to treat Yuuri like the protagonist he is and, while we’re at it, shower him in the same level of love and attention they are giving Yurio. I anxiously await for season 2...they better compensate Yuuri. RIP Victor though. Poor dear, he also deserved much better and was completely screwed over. I swear, it’s like episode 10 never happened.

imma not kiddin', when finale happened & i figured out what was goin' on, my school marks just dropped down. people may laugh at me, but when u still have the message "nice try, try again" in ur head, people cant expect ull be doing excellent

There’s nothing laughable about fiction touching us deeply like that. *hug* I hope you’re doing better now. I understand. I...was kind of in a deep sad daze for a good while after the finale. It felt like betrayal. Specifically 12 because I was not panicking after 11. Episode 11 still makes sense. I just avoid it now because in retrospect it was the beginning of the end *sigh*

As for fanon interpretations. I can’t with Victor and the dishes! He’s an adult, he can take care of himself. I don’t understand why people think it’s cute or charming to portray him as some kind of human disaster who has only survived without “housewife” Yuuri so far by ways of a miracle. I also can’t with Victor having no impulse control and Yuuri having to keep him in check when in canon that’s Yuuri! Yuuri is the impulsive one. Victor is actually a much more controlled and thoughtful character than people give him credit for. Also Yuuri being serious and cold towards Victor and constantly threatening divorced (though with some of the things people have fanon Victor do, I can understand where the divorce comes from). Oh and any of them preferring the other’s merchandise over the real person. That’s not cute. And this doesn’t even cover all my fanon problems but good God. What’s the appeal of taking a healthy, loving, equal relationship and twisting it into that?

As for “alien” Victor...well Kubo is partially at fault for that one, isn’t she? But fandom just went with it. And it bothers me because it dehumanizes him. I feel like many people just don’t care to understand his character at all and just have him be this ~wacky random guy who is so mysterious and incomprehensible in his actions~. Victor deserves better. Time to pull out that badge again. 

[5hfanfiction]

Everything is A Metaphor

Chapter 2

* * *

Listen to: Vienna by The Fray

“Is there really no way to reach me?”

————————————————————————————————————

She feels- as much as she hates to admit it -the same way she did when her dad died. At first there’s a shock, a sudden dizziness and the vivid feeling of all your blood draining into your heart, so that it can beat faster; the nausea, the inability to breathe or form words other than ‘No, you’re lying!’ But then comes the realization that no one, not even the devil himself, would lie about such a thing. This is real. This is happening.

Lauren is in her dorm room, on her bed, barely held together by Lucy’s arms. She keeps trying to speak, wants to speak; but all that comes out is “No, no, no,” over and over again, her head shaking side to side. If she could just focus on the present- on her being in her loving girlfriend’s arms -she’d be able to at least mumble something relatively coherent. Instead, the past keeps replaying in her head.

“Hey, that would be great, actually! I’m Camila.”

“I’m-“ And she freezes right there, her hand half-extended as her face goes white. Her lips tremble for words-any word-but really, what the hell can you say in a situation like this?  Instead, Lauren simply stares at the girl until her vision blurs-from panic or tears or both, she can’t really tell.

“Whoa, Lo! You look like you’re gonna be sick.” Dinah feigns concern, throwing an arm over the shorter girl. “Here, why doesn’t Lucy take you back to your dorm?” She cocks her head out so that Lucy can see the panic in her eyes. “Right, Luce?”

That’s really all Lauren can remember, anyway. There’s Camila, then Dinah, then Lucy, then one more look back at Camila and Dinah. The worst part is, Lauren can see Camila’s face so clearly in her head: her brown eyes, wide with concern; Lips not so chapped anymore, but still bright pink; Hair a little all over the place, but somehow perfect the way it is. She is almost exactly the same, almost exactly how Lauren remembers her. Camila wasn’t freaked out by Lauren’s episode. Instead, she was incredibly worried. And if there’s anything about this girl that Lauren holds close to her heart, it’s her automatic concern for complete strangers. Camila was and, thank god, still is, the type of girl to take a homeless person out to dinner. Talk to them. Learn about their life story, all for the price of a single meal. And in Camila’s eyes, what could be better than that; that feeling of helping another?

But Dinah-…She just stood there. Impatient. Annoyed. Not one fucking look of regret. And that, almost more than anything else, is what really killed Lauren. She knew this was happening. She knew Camila was the new student, all along. And she didn’t do a damn thing.

Lauren launches into a fresh bout of sobs. Camila. Back, as if from the fucking dead.

After what seems like hours, a knock at the door forces Lauren and Lucy to finally depart. The latter runs over to the door, wanting the intruder to go away as fast as possible. The sight of her girlfriend’s concern almost makes Lauren forget how fucked up her life is. Almost, until she recognizes Dinah’s face peeking from behind the doorway.

As if sensing the anger rising behind Lauren’s tears, Dinah instantly raises her hands in defense. “Just hear me out, okay?” She steps inside the room without invitation, brushing past Lucy harshly. “I was going to tell you-“

She freezes. The girl before her is not one she recognizes. They’ve known each other for years, and yet Dinah has never, never seen Lauren in such a distraught state. It doesn’t compare to how she looked when Camila first left. No, this is worse. The girl lay in the same clothes from earlier, though the collar of her black t-shirt is almost entirely soaked-through from tears. Her face is red as a third-degree burn. Her entire body shakes, even when she isn’t coughing out a sob. She looks so small, fragile; like a little kid who’s just been told their dad isn’t coming home.

Something sinks in Dinah’s chest. “Lauren-…” She tries again, but the words keep getting stuck in her throat. Shit. She didn’t mean to fuck up this badly.

To make things worse, Lauren simply stares at the girl, her red eyes seething with tears. There is so much inside her, so much anger, so much sadness, so much of everything. She can’t hold it in any longer. The emotions inside her erupt into two words.

“Fuck you.”

Lauren’s voice is so ragged that for a moment, Dinah isn’t sure she heard her right. She furrows her brow, prompting Lauren to repeat herself.

“Fuck you,” She trembles, shaking her head. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” She screams so loud she can feel her vocal chords tearing apart; so loud that her gag reflex is triggered, and she has to cough frenziedly to avoid throwing up right then and there. Terrified, Lucy runs over to the girl. But Lauren pushes her away.

Dinah tries to speak. “Lauren-“

“You kept this from me,” Lauren continues, barely coherent. “You knew she was enrolling here and you kept it from me! You fucking-!” She breaks down again then, losing her battle to string words together. The worst part is, Dinah’s still trying to defend herself. Lauren knows it from the annoyed look on her face, her crossed arms. It makes her feel like a fucking madman, like she’s speaking to a damn wall. Does Dinah really not realize how much wrong she’s done?

“Jesus, Lauren,” Dinah throws her head back, her eyes rolling. “Do you blame me? Really?” She gestures toward the girl. “You’re a fucking mess! Damn straight I kept it from you. You really think finding out on the anniversary of-“ She stutters then, not wanting to worsen the blow. “Today. You really think me telling you today of all days would’ve helped anything? I didn’t think you’d be in school, Lo! I was going to tell you, I just…I wanted to avoid all of this.” She gestures again.

But Lauren isn’t buying it. “No,” She says through gritted teeth. “You knew for days, you had to of. They wouldn’t just throw something like this on you in a day’s notice. I’m not fucking stupid-“

“Okay.” Dinah uncrosses her arms, as quickly as one would reload their gun with ammo. She takes a deep breath through her nose, focusing a hard stare at Lauren. Make no mistake, Dinah loves Lauren like a sister- hell, like more than a sister. But she’s tired. Tired from Camila, tired from the debacle between her and Lauren, and tired from-

Well, tired from Lauren as a whole.

“Listen,” She continues, her voice low. “Yeah, you’re right, I did find out a few days ago. I didn’t tell you because I know how bad you can get during the week of the anniversary. I didn’t want that to be the only thing in your head the night of. I didn’t want you to suffer like this. Sorry if that was my mistake.”

Her voice begins to tremble with anger.

“But don’t you dare,” She shakes her head. “Don’t you dare turn this on me. You think you have it bad? What if you were the one who had to show her around because you’re the dedicated student advisor? What if you were the one who had to pretend like everything’s okay for her sake? Don’t forget you aren’t the only one who lost someone! You aren’t the only one she forgot.”

The speech is enough to make Lauren feel a pang of guilt, but only briefly before she finds her will to fight again. The thing about Lauren is that she’s stubborn, especially when it comes to Camila. The girl is too sensitive a subject for her to simply submit. “I-“ She begins, but Dinah shoots her a fiery glare to let her know she isn’t finished.

“Take today,” She nods condescendingly, like an uptight parent might. “Take tomorrow morning. Take the entire fucking week, I don’t care. But don’t come near me, and especially don’t come near Camila, until you’re over it. I’m sorry this is so fucking hard on you; it’s hard on me too. But I had to get over it for her sake, and so do you because she isn’t going anywhere and I know damn well neither are you.”

Her words are quiet enough to not shake the walls of the dorm, yet the edge in her voice shakes Lauren to her core. She opens her mouth one last time as a weak attempt to justify herself, but Dinah swiftly turns around and steps through the doorway. Before slamming the door, she adds: “You have a second chance to redeem yourself. Don’t fuck it up.”

The moment she leaves, Lauren crumbles into tearless hysteria. And even as Lucy holds her, coos to her, tries to keep her together, Lauren doesn’t mumble one word. She simply shakes, quiet and open-mouthed.

Maybe brokenness isn’t red-faced and damp with tears. Maybe brokenness comes after all the gunshots of cracked throats and irritated eyes.

Maybe brokenness is the afterthought. Maybe that’s the metaphor here.

————————————————————————————————————

Lauren doesn’t know how long she’d been asleep for. She can’t recall the exact time she fell asleep, and how much she actually rested in that timeframe rather than drowning in her thoughts. All she knows is her bones are heavy, her eyes still burn from crying, and her throat feels like she ate the blanket that’s currently covering Lucy. She must’ve kicked the blanket off in her sleep. In fact, she must’ve kicked Lucy off in her sleep, too, because the girl lay silent a few inches away, curled up with her pillow.

“Shit,” Lauren mumbles, running her hands over her face. Lucy doesn’t move, fast asleep, and Lauren curses herself for expecting something different.

When she checks her phone, her stomach lurches. It’s not because it’s already ten at night, or that Normani’s five text messages are pushy and suspicious. It’s not even Dinah’s apology message. No, it’s the last message Dinah had the nerve to send.

“I’m sorry about earlier. IDK what 2 say, except that im sorry and i love u. And on the bright side, Mila seems already really into u. Idk…i guess I’m sorry if thats hard to even comprehend rn. I just wanted to let you know, I guess, for the future. Maybe to give u some hope. Again, I’m sorry bout earlier. U kno I love u.”

Lauren chuckles dryly.  It would make sense for Camila to be instantaneously attracted to her, whether it’s a romantic interest or not. That’s just Lauren’s luck. She looks up to the ceiling with tired eyes, smiling sadly as she silently asks god, ‘Are you even up there?’

She gets no response, and she laughs again. Typical.

So between the nameless god, the deceptive best friend, and the ex girlfriend who is, essentially, brainwashed, it’s no wonder that Lauren chooses to venture into the night just before the clock turns twelve. It’s also no wonder that of all places to be in, she chooses the student bar.

And with the dreadful Jauregui luck she’s inherited, it’s of course no wonder that after a few drinks, she begins seeing things. Things that aren’t really there. People. People like Camila. Camila herself.

But before Lauren can do anything, she’s pulled out of her stool and dragged to a low-lit corner of the bar.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? A-Are you out of your mind? Have you finally reached that point, Lauren?”

It takes a moment for her vision to focus, but when she sees the short, light-haired girl she hasn’t seen in months, she chuckles.

“Hi, Ally.”

The two girls go as far back as Lauren and Dinah do. In fact, the three of them-no, the four of them, including Camila-all used to be best friends. But after the accident, Ally simply couldn’t look at Lauren the same. Every time she tried, all she saw was a broken shell of the girl she once knew. They still forged a relationship, though. Things only got bad about a year ago, when Lauren got into a fight with Lucy because of the whole Camila-Anniversary-Thing. She’d gotten drunk as a result, and when Dinah stopped answering her calls, she slogged over to Ally’s room in the next building over. Let’s just say that things didn’t go over well with, you know, the whole drunk-over-Camila thing. It just stirred up too many buried memories in Ally.

“So this is your go-to now?“ Ally continues, moving her shoulders so much that the martini in her hand shakes. “Camila’s back, so you have to get drunk? Are you really that weak?”

The insults roll off of Lauren’s chest, her body shielded with armor made from whiskey. She smirks. “Dinah told you.”

“She didn’t have to, asshole! She’s my new roommate.”

That sobers Lauren up a bit. She blinks for a moment, processing Ally’s words. “I-“

“She’s here, dumb-ass. I thought we’d celebrate her first day here but clearly that was a bad idea on my end.” Ally shakes her head in shame. “I really thought you were going to change, Lauren. Do you even remember what you said to me the last time we spoke? ‘I want to change, Ally! I want to do right by her.’ God, was I wrong for believing in you for once.”

The insults batter Lauren’s shield of alcohol, hitting it again and again until it is finally punctured. Lauren wasn’t just drunk off her ass. Camila really is here- here! In this ratty ass bar. What was Lauren thinking? She opens her mouth to defend herself or apologize or just say something. But Ally cuts her off again.

“You need to leave, Lauren.”

After a moment of searching her mind, Lauren finally says, “You can’t kick me out.” Jesus, she’s so drunk she can’t even find it in herself to apologize.

Ally sighs, pressing a hand to her forehead. “Just stay away from Camila, okay? I’m serious; this isn’t a warning anymore.”

“And what are you soooo afraid of? That I’ll buy her drinks? Make out with her?” Lauren smiles sadly. “Offer to drive her home?”

It’s a disgusting comment, even for a drunk Lauren. Ally finishes off her martini before speaking.

“I get that this is hard for you,” She says in a low voice, sounding just like Dinah from hours earlier. “I get that you must feel guilty, and confused, and just…heartbroken. I understand the want to get drunk, to just forget that any of this is happening. But you can’t run from this, Lauren. You can’t run from her. Not again.”

Ally pushes past Lauren before she can even formulate a response.

Lauren focuses her eyes on her hands, noticing the harsh scars circled around her palms. They’ve been there since the accident, she realizes. They haven’t faded- won’t fade unless she gets treatment. The scars are a part of her, and she has to live with that. Folding her hands palm-side down doesn’t make the scars go away, either. Just minimizes the time she has to face them. She has to stop running away.

From the scars, from Camila, from all of this. Lauren can’t continue ruining her life just to compensate for the injuries done to Camila. She-the old Camila, the one she once knew-wouldn’t want that. In fact, if the old Camila was aware of Lauren’s downward spiral, she’d be heartbroken.

And Lauren’s tired of breaking people’s hearts.

She hurries past the crowd of people dancing to get to the bar and pay her bill. She pushes past a couple twerking, another who can’t keep their hands off each other’s pants zippers. At some point, a hand grabs on to her shoulder so fiercely she has to elbow someone near by to get loose. The end result is her loss of balance as she escapes the crowd, stumbling into the person nearest to her.

“Whoa there-“ The voice says, but Lauren cuts them off.

“Shit,” She heaves, catching her breath. “I s-swear I’m not as drunk as that m-makes me seem-“

But as she blinks and fixes her hair, desperately trying to compose herself, her vision clears once again. The girl before her is a figure not drawn by alcohol or depression, but reality.

Lauren trembles as the name stumbles out of her mouth.

“Camila.” Her mouth fills with a vile taste, like burnt food.

The girl smiles warmly, brown eyes widening with surprise. “You remember my name?”

And as much as Lauren wants to make a snarky remark, she can’t bring herself to say anything more.

No, instead she bends over, holding her stomach.

Instead of word vomit, she, well-

She actually vomits.

————————————————————————————————————

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not the first time I’ve been puked on. You’re fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, really.”

“I’m sorry.”

It’s then that she breaks down. She hugs her knees to her chest, buries her face in-between them, and cries; huge, ugly sobs that tire her shoulders out. Lauren can feel her face growing red, her throat raw. This episode is even worse than the one from earlier, which-frankly-was previously thought impossible. And yet, the pain feels lighter tonight. As she’s crying next to Camila, sitting on the sidewalk in the chilly New York night air, there is something different. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or the argument with Ally. But the crying feels more like venting, how it should feel to a normal person. It feels like the pain is escaping through every tear. And it is awkward and weird and fucking insane to be sobbing in Camila’s presence, but the moment reminds Lauren that this isn’t the first time she’s cried in front of her. For Lauren to not let it out would be running away. Fuck that.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Camila finally musters, eyes darting every which way as if to confirm that this is really happening. Then she latches on to Lauren’s arm, tugging at it gently as a means to get the girl to look up. But she doesn’t. Instead, Lauren sobs harder, louder, as if to block out Camila entirely.

“Those shoes were like $20 anyway!” Camila shouts, feigning a smile. “I can buy a new pair at Target for probably less! It’s all good!” But Lauren keeps on sobbing, drunk off-amongst other things-the release it gives. Camila pleads, “Don’t cry, blue skies? Please?”

And Lauren lifts her head up, as if feeling a new wave of nausea come on; a new wave of memories; flashbacks; nostalgia. She stares at Camila, eyes glassy with tears but-

But there’s something more. Her lips quiver as she starts, “You still-?”  She knows she can’t finish the sentence. You still say that? Instead, she shakes her head, letting it fall back between her knees. Fresh tears roll down her cheeks, but her eyes are closed for the most part. She tangles her hands together over her forehead, trying to grasp the reality at hand. Then she-

Well, she laughs. It’s a tired, broken sound, but the two girls make a mental note that it’s much better than the sobs.

One of the best memories Lauren can recall is, surprisingly, when Camila first told her she was moving away. They were sat at the edge of Lauren’s roof, like always, passing around what little alcohol they had managed to steal off their parents. This mixture in particular combined brandy, whiskey, and rum all in one flask. (Gross indeed, but Camila had insisted that it’d be better for them to learn to hate alcohol early.) There was really no proper way to announce the news, so Camila simply interrupted Lauren once she was tipsy and rambling.

“I still really want to go to NYU. I know you think I’m just applying for your sake, but-“

“I’mmoving.”

Lauren eyes her with a look of suspicion, raising a brow.

Camila refuses to meet her gaze. She keeps her face angled forward, her eyes hidden behind locks of stray hair. “Friday.” She manages. “I’m moving. To Texas.”

A silence moves in between them, separating them to such a degree that not even Camila’s dad could achieve it. Lauren fumbles mindlessly with the cap of the flask, her eyes staring at Camila. Looking, but not seeing. Hearing, but not listening.

“Please tell me you’re drunk.” She says, throat suddenly dry.

Camila shakes her head.

“Camz, please-“

Camila shakes her head more violently, turning her gaze towards Lauren for the first time. Then, seeing the truth in Camila’s eyes, Lauren shakes her head, too. “No, there’s no way-“ She begins, but the sight of Camila’s eyes becoming glassy with tears pushes Lauren over the edge. She propels herself off and away from the edge of the roof, dropping the flask of alcohol as she does so.

“No, no way in hell. If he really thinks he can just up and ship you off to fucking Texas of all places, he’s got another thing coming.” She paces carefully up and down the slope of the roof. “You can stay with me, or, or-!”

Camila mumbles softly,“Laur.” She meets Lauren’s eyes, then drags her gaze away again. “It’s over.”

Lauren shakes her head. “No. We can figure something out-“

“I’m moving in three days.”

“No, no, don’t tell me that! We can’t just give up-“

“We aren’t giving up, Lauren. We never had a chance, not with my dad. You know that.”

Lauren slips down the roof with each statement. “Are you forgetting that he’s a bitter, tired-ass! You can’t-“

“I have to.”

“Camila!”

“Lauren.”

“Please,” Lauren finally skids next to Camila’s side, taking a seat on the edge. “This is my fault! He shouldnt be punishing you. I-I’ll promise to keep my distance from you in public. I’ll sign a restraining order if that’ll make him happy! Just please-“ Her voice cracks as her eyes fill with tears. “Don’t let him take away the only good thing I have in my life.”

That’s when the both of them broke down, sobbing into each other’s shoulders. Lauren had never been so intimate with Camila, not in this way. The honesty, the aching in her voice-

The fact that she really did believe Camila was the only good thing in her life brought Camila to tears. Then, of course, came the revelation that they were losing each other, probably for good. This was a split no one could control.

After a while, Camila whispered, “Don’t cry, blue skies.”  Lauren only remembers it now because it was such a stupid, yet adorable thing to say in the midst of a disaster.

“I think I’m just drunk,” Lauren says now, wiping her face with one hand. She musters up enough courage to look into Camila’s eyes, and she notices the same jolt of concern darkening the brown in them. A few fresh tears roll down her cheeks, but not out of sadness; a drunken anger or disdain. No, these are tears of hope. Hell, maybe even joy.

Maybe memories can be forgotten, erased. But there are some parts of you that you just can’t change; certain aspects that are hardwired into your chemical make-up. Maybe Camila forgot about Lauren, but maybe there are parts of her that haven’t changed. Maybe the parts of her Lauren loved most haven’t changed.

Seizing the moment, Lauren speaks before Camila can say a word.

“Walk me back to my dorm, please? I promise I won’t cry anymore.”

Camila looks at her with shock, her mouth dropping open before curving into a ridiculous smile. She shrugs, shaking her head. “You’re crazy.”

“Is that a no, Cabello?”

Camila raises a brow. “You know my last name?”

Panic. “We-“ Lauren begins, but stops herself in all her drunkeness. We knew each other, once. We were actually lovers at one point, haha. She shakes her head, mouth suddenly dry.

“Dinah told me.”

“And did Dinah tell you anything else about me?”

Lauren raises a brow. “Should she have?”

“Mm, not from her, no. But from me? You have a lot to learn-…” She pauses, at a loss for words.

“Jauregui,” Lauren answers. Then, smirking, she puts out a hand. “Lauren Michelle Jauregui, at your service.”

Camila takes Lauren’s hand, pulling the girl up with her as she rises from the curb. “Karla Camila Cabello,” She says, stepping closer to Lauren. “But don’t tell anyone.”

And the two of them are so, so close, faces inches away. And Camila is smirking, like she’s discovered the most clever saying in the world. And Lauren is smiling anxiously, trying to convince herself that if she drunkenly stumbled and crashed her lips into Camila’s, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

But then she hears Dinah and Ally’s voices mixing in her head. Don’t blow it. Don’t fuck it up.

Instead, Lauren grabs Camila’s hand. “Lead the way, Brown Eyed Girl.”

Camila freezes at the nickname, her head tilting as she observes the lightness to Lauren’s eyes. She doesn’t say it, but the way her brow is furrowing tells Lauren she’s confused.

She mumbles, “Why does that sound so familiar?”

And there’s that shred of hope again.

Lauren tries to hide her smile, shrugging like the most oblivious girl in the world. But as they start towards the Arts and Sciences dorm, Lauren thinks to herself:

It should sound familiar. It should, it should, it should.

———————————————————————————————-

AHHHHH thank u all so much for the positive feedback pls keep it coming Im terribly self-conscious with my writing lmao 

have a nice day!! hopefully this didnt make u too emo (: