#sorry also for these long asks but i can't help critical ramblings because i have nothing else to offer for this season

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

Oh my god the Mandalorian s3 decisions being a push to make Bo Katan more marketable for women makes so much sense.

I’ve been watching the flames of season 3 for afar wondering what possibly possessed them to sideline the wildly popular duo of Din and Grogu in favor of this Bo Katan stuff, aside from the obvious future content advertisement… it’s because it’s popular with women…

Like it’s a known pattern that corporations hate when something they’ve created aimed at men is disproportionately popular with women because they strive to keep a very distinct line between Boy things and Girl things. Anything Star Wars is for men, except the acceptable Girl Things like Leia and Padme and Asoka. But then the Mandalorian became wildly popular with women and they can’t just cancel a cash cow like the Mandalorian without milking everything they can from it so they’re like “well let’s bring in Bo Katan she’s for the Women now start making the toys”

I am so late to this but that meant time to simmer and seethe over Disney's decisions before and lately, and things I've read over the years about how corporations market to their target audiences, and how little things have changed.

I saw rumors and theories that KKKennedy (y'all sorry I keep calling her that but iykyk) meddled a LOT with The Mandalorian and Jon even threatened to quit, but at the end of the day the Mouse House has the final say and we're stuck with their decisions. I really don't know how the final numbers will look, how it'll affect their merch sales, and what it means for the future seasons of The Mandalorian. Maybe the hard pivot to redeem Bo-Katan for the bajillionth time will be the new cash cow or the canary in the coal mine (for The Mandalorian; I'm sure Ahsoka will be a hit no matter what). Maybe they gambled right or they've lost too many viewers who wanted Din and Grogu to be the heart and soul and center of this particular show. It's called The Mandalorian after all. If they want to claim that it could be any Mandalorian who's The Mandalorian of these season, then maybe Season 2 should've followed a different Mandalorian and established this before scamming us with Season 3. They were already trying that with TBOBF before having Din and Grogu steal the show.

But now that I've seen those rumors and theories, I could not fucking stop thinking about what happened when the ST was rolling out and when Rogue 1 and Solo came out. I could not stop thinking about the casting choices for Rey, Jyn, and Qi'ra, could not stop thinking about how white and brunette they were. I could not stop thinking about KKKennedy and others talking about how they wanted to bring more female fans to Star Wars, acting like Star Wars was exclusively a male space, which, what a fucking insult. I could not forget pictures of her wearing "The Force is Female" shirts and pushing this message so fucking hard that it would keep showing up in critical reviews of TLJ/TROS/ST as proof that Disney didn't know what it was doing.

Rey, Jyn, and Qi'ra were lucky to not have the kind of long history that Bo-Katan already had in the gffa by the time she made her live-action debut. It didn't take much to google her involvement in TCW and Rebels, and see what she'd done. I've seen commenters say she redeemed herself in Rebels by rallying the Mandalorians but are you sure about that? Are we still having trouble with writing redemption arcs after the fucking horrible one Disney put Kylo Ren through to the detriment of every other character not named Rey?

I wouldn't have minded Bo-Katan having greater involvement in Season 3 if she didn't basically take charge of not just the COTW but also the entire show. Watch out for the new merch of her with the Darksaber now. Probably the most we'll get out of Din is whatever happens to him in the season finale because Disney gotta make more money, amirite? Grogu got a new accessory so that Disney can sell new versions of him, so why not Din?

I truly envy the poeple who are having a good time or don't need to have these thoughts constantly in their heads while watching. I didn't have a good time and I can never turn those thoughts off. I don't have the luxury so I'm never shutting up about this.

ftr I unfollowed Okiro after the billionth time he called Din, Grogu, and Bo-Katan "Clan of Three". what the fuck had she done to earn equal footing?

[dynamightmite]

What are your thoughts on Izuku lately. Is he alright? I have read other people being unsatisfied with how he has been in this last arc about his relationship with All Might and Katsuki.

I got this ask a few days ago and I wanted to spend a little time thinking about it, because, well, there's a lot of moving parts to my opinions regarding Izuku/Katsuki/All Might and I needed to try an sort them out. This will still probably be kinda long and rambly, though, sorry lol.

To start with, I understand why a lot of people were frustrated by the jump from chapter 423 to 424, and a lot of it has to do with this chapter confirming that Shigaraki's dead, which, understandably, pissed off a lotta readers. It's also pretty jarring to go from THE CLIMAX to... a week later in a hospital. And for people who are not super attached to the Katuski-Izuku dynamic, the emotional, wholesome childhood friend scene is just not what they wanted to see anyway.

On the other hand, from a purely utilitarian perspective as a writer, I totally get why Horikoshi felt he needed to show the audience, that, hey guys! The main character is still alive, here's the state of his quirk! Because based on the reactions of some people, if we don't immediately see a character after they get wounded, they are super dead. No other option, time to riot! Like no offense to the everyone who's been panicking about the League, but Dabi is not dead. That man is a fucking COCKROACH, he's literally fine. And Toga just got, like, a little exsanguinated. That's nothin' in shounen terms.

HOWEVER, I do agree with some of the complaints about the overall timing. I think there maybe needed to be more of a buffer between this chapter and the last, to help pad out Izuku's reactions to just, y'know, kinda killing a guy. Possibly also showing other parts of the cast/story, although I don't necessarily know that jumping to, for example, focus on the League immediately after would have been the right move either. And, like I said, it's not especially weird for a narrative to jump from the end fight to pay attention to the main character. That is... such an inoffensive choice to make with the plot to the point that it's almost expected. But yeah, with a little more time to emotionally process before showing it, I think people would not be upset about the contents of this chapter nearly as much.

Because the scene with Katsuki and Izuku was like... super predictable. None of the things they said to each other were surprising or out of character, and this moment has been built up to for-fucking-ever. Katsuki, needy bastard that he is, running to yell and cry at Izuku about being rivals forever? Izuku wailing KACCHAN while also crying and insisting that he's fine etc, etc? I have no complaints about any of that in terms of content.

I have seen a few complaints about the Izuku-Katsuki dynamic stifling Katsuki's personal arc, which. I mean, I can't tell anybody how to feel, but I don't really feel like the criticisms I've personally seen were something to take seriously. Because Katsuki, singularly, was an inspiration. To his class (who lead the search for Izuku and brought the class together?), to the previous generation of heroes (All Might, Best Jeanist, FUCKING EDGESHOT???? WHO GAVE YEARS OFF HIS LIFE BECAUSE HE BELIEVED IN KATSUKI'S HEROISM AND SACRIFICE AND WAS INSPIRED BY HIM????), and to the general public (Horikoshi did put in those shots of all the random bg characters and characters we met from other arcs for a reason). He protected Izuku, he fought with him side-by-side, he acknowledged the help other characters gave him (Shoto and his ice ramp sob). His arc has followed the path that Horikoshi has been laying out for years and years. And it's fine if you don't like the arc that Horikoshi chose for him! But it is internally consistent. Even I have some superficial complaints about some of the specifics, but broad strokes? I'm quite happy.

In regards to Izuku and his personal arc... some of it's hard to comment on because the story's still not over. Like. IF my assumptions about the overall intentions behind Shigaraki's death are correct, the narrative will clarify as such through Izuku's actions and emotional state.

And, based on chapter 424, there's already some seeds of Shigaraki's death really affecting Izuku long-term.

Idk man, does this really look like Izuku isn't struggling with what's happened? That he is totally cool with Shigaraki dying? Do you really think he isn't conflicted at all?

Frankly, Izuku being conflicted is quite possibly the most normal, reasonable response for him to have. I've always loved the idea of future Izuku and Shigaraki reaching out and bonding after the war, so some of this is directed at myself, but... there's no real basis for the idea that Izuku has any extremely personal, loving connection to Shigaraki. It isn't like with Touya and Shoto, who have a wildly personal, intimate connection. The only times Izuku and Shigaraki interacted, Shigaraki was either actively attacking Izuku or threatening to kill him T_T it isn't weird that Izuku isn't especially fond of Shigaraki as a person. He kidnapped Kacchan! He tried to kill Izuku! He tried to kill basically everyone Izuku knows and loves! HE BLEW UP HALF OF JAPAN?! It is absolutely normal for Izuku to not, y'know, be especially fond of the guy as an individual.

But also... he did kill Shigaraki. The person he was so dedicated to saving, he was willing to give up his hands, his life. And yet, those were his hands that ultimately (with Shigaraki's spirit help) killed Shigaraki's body, even if it was being possessed by AFO at the time. And I don't think he wanted to kill Shigaraki. I don't think he wanted to kill anybody! And if I'm right, the epilogue arc is going to uphold that pain, and use it to fuel Izuku and his desire to change the future of society.

IF Horikoshi is going for Shigaraki as a martyr who died and it was a tragedy that we, the audience, are supposed to be heartbroken about, then I expect him to continue the story with the idea that, just like it's a tragedy that Shigaraki died, it is a goddamn tragedy that Izuku was put in a position where he had to choose between saving the life of someone he wanted to save and stopping AFO from killing everyone. He is sixteen years old! He shouldn't be making a choice like that, and it is a travesty that he was forced to! That he was the only person capable of making that choice. He is a kind, caring, scared kid who just killed somebody. I want him to feel betrayed, even if he doesn't quite know how to express it. I want him to grieve. I want him to actively work towards a tomorrow where nobody gets put in Shigaraki's position OR HIS ever again. Because it isn't fair! It isn't fair to him, to Shigaraki, or the readers that love them both! And I want Izuku to be hurt about it and I want the other characters to care.

Which leads me to All Might.

I have a lot of complicated feelings about All Might. Because I simultaneously DO think that the narrative has actually spent a lot of time seriously criticizing him directly, and also feel like it's hard to balance the fact that he is a good person/hero who tried his best but ultimately failed (and was deeply, personally influential for basically all of the major characters) with the fact that he is super wrong about a lot of things and probably didn't need the amount/type of screen time he got. Like, I got the vision behind the Iron Might suit thing and Izuku inspiring him to be a quirkless hero, but also I think it took away from other characters who needed acknowledgement more. The torch should have been passed, and All Might could have been brought in a different way.

If you're asking about just this chapter? Honestly, I find it hard to criticize All Might for being proud of and kind to his proteges for doing the thing he couldn't: defeating AFO and stopping the destruction of Japan. They're wounded to the point of potentially life-long disability and emotionally wrecked. There was exactly zero chance that Izuku was going to wake up in his hospital bed to All Might saying "wow, it took you that long to stop AFO and both him and Shigaraki are dead now? You really do suck, kid. I never should have given you my quirk".

In terms of framing, I do see some people's concern over the fact that All Might's words (and the surrounding imagery) seem to be positive and hopeful and could be read as him (and therefore the narrative) brushing off the horror of Shigaraki having to die for the rest of the world to know peace. All Might has always symbolized the Old Guard, and the outdated heroic ideals that caused the current tumult and state of society. So to have him say "good job, you did it!" does sound worryingly like the story saying that everything is good and right with the world now. Which... if we want to be thematically consistent, it isn't "all good".

But ultimately, a lot of this is in wait-and-see territory. Until the manga is over, I'm not ready to be married to any particular opinion about the end, because we just don't know for sure where Hori's gonna take this. And while I do genuinely think that we have enough to be excited/optimistic over, I'm also not blind to the potential disaster that the ending could make the story. So. We'll find out in the next few weeks/months!

Sorry for talking so much, lmao. Thanks for asking!

[pianapplez]

Hello there 👋👀,

So I just found your blog and had a lot of fun scrolling through all the pjo show crit😂 I couldn't help but notice that one tag you left on a post where you said you had some beef with Annabeth's portrayal in the books 👀 Would you mind elaborating on that if you're comfortable with it🙈? Because I absolutely share that sentiment, but it's sooo veeeery rare that I see other people express anything like it... I've found that trying to be a part of the fandom can be pretty alienating most of the time, if you're not exactly the biggest most devoted Percabeth shipper...😅 And often any criticism leveled at Annabeth just gets you a smack with the "internalized-misogyny" hammer... it's even worse in the tv show now due to... obvious reasons...

Again just if you're comfortable with answering of course🙈 There is a reason I stayed on anon after all...😅😂

Really glad you asked because i finally get to ramble about this heheheh (going forward, know that i skimmed over The Last Olympian to have a clearer sense of what I meant because that's the book where Rick fumbles her character more than the others)

i'm gonna try to make as much sense as possible but short answer would be, she's underdeveloped. Long answer:

She really got on my nerves in the last two books, with the whole Rachel debacle and then the Battle of New York. I can't really remember a single moment in those books where she and Percy aren't bickering or having heated discussions, which really made me question their friendship status. Of course, it's not like friends can't fight and it obviously builds up the (romantic) tension between them, but it got unbearable at one point.

I understand she's a teenager in an incredibly stressful situation that didn't even get to have a normal upbringing- she grew up way too fast (run away at 7, head counselor at 12) while also not really maturing, which is not a problem for a character, if it is handled properly. Given the fact that I am writing this, Riordan did not.

On the surface, my biggest beef is that Annabeth is not exactly held accountable for her actions (ie. treating Rachel a bit like shit and going off on Percy for a bunch of stuff.) I know Percy is to blame a bit here: as far as we know, in TLO he basically cuts the greek world out of his life as much as he can as a coping mechanism. And while yes, he never apologizes either, he doesn't give her nearly half the hard time she gives him: always either giving him the cold shoulder (there must be at least one example of this in the entire series but i cant be bothered to look it up sorry) or starting an argument only to then storm off (see the "you're a coward, Percy Jackson!" scene, which is not the fairest example since she was confronting Percy about ignoring camp but also was a bit too harsh about it) (especially after finally reading the prophecy and being under the impression that he was absolutely going to die when he turned 16 lmao) or just straight up storming off (see, Annabeth reacting when Rachel shows up for the first time during the battle of new york). While most of these feel, at least to some degree, fairly justified given how the entire situation does an absolute number on her emotions, she comes off a bit brattish and like she's trying to rile Percy up, especially when it comes to Rachel, which in the context of a battle that could mean the destruction of the world.... Well, it reads as a bit childish to me, and i wouldn't exactly have that much of a problem with it if it was dealt with in some way (a two-way apology would be nice).

After that first impression, i realized that Annabeth is barely ever anything else other than a plot device (when relating to Luke) or a love interest (when relating to Percy). This might be because the books are on Percy's POV. Hell, on the third book he's even conflicted when Annabeth is considering joining the Hunters of Artemis, aka, when making a choice for herself would mean he loses her (which is fine and dandy but it feels like Percy is more upset about her choosing her own path rather than being sad about not seeing her as often); we really only get a few glimpses of her, as in, actually her when she's on her own.

Obviously it's impossible to talk about Annabeth without touching on percabeth, which also is, in my opinion, what hinders Annabeth's character the most. On paper they sound great. The guy whose fatal flaw is loyalty falls in love with a girl whose been let down by people over and over, and she decides to never give up on the boy whose always had people give up on him (can't find one of the million posts that talks about this right now but it always goes something like that) And yeah, the bickering is really well written! But that's literally as far as it ever goes: they don't ever seem to have fun together, because 8 times out of 10 the bickering ends up being passive aggressive, and mostly done by Annabeth. My biggest gripe about percabeth is that their friendship seems to be based off... shared trauma. Literally. Other than going on quests together we are given no examples of them hanging out, nor a reason why they would want to spend time together in the first place, not even a shared hobby. Yes, in the fourth book they had a movie "date" planned but of course they didn't even get to it, and surprise surprise, they had a minor discussion, and surprise surprise, Annabeth was passive aggressive again. It's hard to picture them having fun together when even the author doesn't write in any scenes in which they get along smoothly (and before you say anything, a scene in which they get along where neither of them is about to die, and they're not talking about previous adventures. Gets a bit hard then, doesn't it?) It's even harder to picture them as a couple when the moment she gets upset about something, she starts coming off as emotionally manipulative (see, again, literally any conversation with Rachel or about Rachel)

To be fair, the books are relatively short and don't allow many "filler" chapters, if you will; there's always something happening to keep the main plot or a minor plot point moving forward, but it's not like there is no room to develop the characters' relationships, especially when we're talking about the main char and what is essentially his endgame. As an example we have Percy and Clarisse, or Percy and Beckendorf. Their interactions are brief but still hold so much weight.

Worst of all, Annabeth could be one hell of a character; what's most interesting of all is how being a daughter of Athena she is still incredibly emotionally driven, which is displayed very clearly with her fatal flaw being pride: her telling the Sphynx that her questions were too easy was not smart nor strategic: it was completely impulsive. I seriously think she wasn't far from being the best character in the series had she been given more time.

I guess i have as much beef with Annabeth as i have with Rick for doing her dirty. I really could sum this up with: while her emotions are justified, she acts upon them quite poorly. And this is what i mean when i say she's underdeveloped, because it would've been nice to see her come to her senses a bit.

Would love to read anyone's opinions on her character though, feel free to comment, even (or especially) if you don't agree with me!

[the-six-that-thrive-if]

I was actually holding off on playing this until my exams were over but I lost myself to temptation and honestly this was just an amazing update. I would have probably hated myself for not reading this sooner if I have waited tbh😭

Initially, I was a bit confused bout who exactly moi MC should romance but I think Dante just single handedly cleared those doubts by a landslide and we haven't even fully met the other ROs yet🛐 I'm just in love with the way you portray him, like he actually feels alive and reading his parts are like breathing in fresh air, you know.

And I had to read that 'nudges MC's leg apart' part 60k times just for it to register in my head that I hadn't hallucinated that😭 and also was the actually the Warden outside MC's window?? If it is, I find it hilarious that this dude was just casually hanging outside smones window and being just shady af.

And honestly though, it should be a crime that Ro isn't actually an RO (...was that a twisted pun on your part btw?🥹)

I mean forget kissing MC's temple, stroking their spine but this man had me at stocking their fridge like hello? do u want to get married that badly?

Btw, it's implied a bunch of times in the demo, about how our dad clearly shows signs of genuine care towards the mc and blaming himself etc etc but the mc always has this 'he's disappointed in me' mentality. Is that actually a semi set feature of the mc coz it felt a bit contradictory to everything we've been getting about the dad in actuality. I mean I understand that we, the readers, maybe a bit omniscient in some things related to the plot, as in seeing things the MC can't see, but MC seems well aware of their situation it.

Either way, I think this was a great update mainly because it really balanced out the other chapter quite well, I think. It felt like the pace slowed down a bit and honestly that was a really great choice. Also, I did feel a lot of things were missing when i first read this if's demo but the additions in the previous chapters really bring together the entire demo as a whole. I think the only criticism I have is towards the amount of grammatical and vocabulary related mistakes, it did throw me off the plot in some areas but nevertheless it's pretty solid.

Also, have you already selected the beta testers btw?

(v sorry for this long ask, i think i rambled a bit too much😶)

The grammatical errors will forever be the bane of my existence and I will fix them. But everything else aside, I'm really glad and I adore long asks so don't worry.

But I'm really glad you enjoyed it, I had felt that the pacing was a bit off and there was just so many things I really really wanted to add, just wasn't equipped in doing so. Aswell as my financial situation is rocky and before I hadn't had access to a computer, which is the cause of my hella long hiatus. But I really really wanted to grow the world MC is in and make y'all familiar with it. So finally learning code and learning it well enough honestly helps me so much in accomplishing what I really want to accomplish.

With MC and their dad/ur dad it's sorta predetermined, but you'll get the chance to actually face you and your father's relationship before it's too late. I feel that where MC is, it's an honest bitterness. I mean comparing the rest of their family, Racheal, their mom, Charles, even Amelia show how much they love MC, but we'll definitely get more insight into why he acts the way he does and everything in the coming chapters!

And the Ro stroking your spine, yes he did that. I absolutely had to throw that in.

And Dante feeling alive, I really really try by just adding habits and things that extend outside of speech and just ugh, that is such a huge compliment!

[tatakaeeren]

thank you for being so kind >-< i never like rambling problems bc i am very apathetic when it comes to well, anything dealing with anyone else's problems so i never meant to ramble out to you I'm still so sorry ;-; it won't get less stressful per se, I'm graduating in December and getting my PhD (or at least want to) so i have applications for that and scholarship and grant writing for more research projects <///33 I'm too much of an overachiever for my own good <//333 BUT ENUFF on that i refuse to be sad and wallow in an unproductive state so i will instead talk about something else.

What are some of your least favorite romance/shoujo tropes in anime and in manga? Whether it be bl stories, yuri, webtoons, mangas, anything! I shall go first~ (of course i will ask you what are your faves are in the next ask~)

My least favorites

Tsunderes.

i KNOW it's so common to have it and kuudere and tsunderes are very similar but GAH I HATE TSUNDERES SO MUCH because it's usually used as a he or she is a total bitch but don't worry guys it's bc they are shy <3 LIKE WHOT. yes yes they get "warmer over time" but this is why i had to stop watching kaguya-sama love is war because i can't stand that show i couldn't 😭

Needless pining, the "chase"

see kaguya-sama love is war (sorry to flame this show but it's also a perfect example). I know people say the development gets started in the second season and i know it's like critical acclaim and popularity is deserved blah blah but idk man, the first season just turned me off SO MUCH that i haven't been able to pick it back up ESPECIALLY THE END ARC AT LIKE THE FESTIVAL idk i just pining and missed chances and mind games i can only do for like 2 episodes but after that i NEED TO SEE SOME PROGRESSION otherwise i get so annoyed

Starts off a bitch, gets better

could be put in the same category as a tsundere but this gets its own category because bl mangas fucking love this trope and i hate it like i know everyone loves BJ Alex, and are probably fawning over Jinx right now but GOSH i could never read either because i just like I DONT GET IT IF ASSHOLE WHY HE GET LOVE???? i do nawt care if he had some traumatic life experience YOU DONT GET TO BE A ASSHOLEEEEEEEEE. And this doesn't count as enemies to lovers because usually in that one they're both dicking each other over and it's mutual versus like nice guy simp gets trampled on.

Okie now your turn <33333 (if you dont' have any i will look like such a bitch asfdasdfasdf)

-lavender anonie~

You're welcome 💖 I'm always here to help everyone who needs to be listened and understood ✨. OOHHH nice!!! congratsss so you have to give your everything until December... and then apply to a PhD? (I'm sorry I don't quite get the educational system over there) and how many more years is that?

Hahahahah Such an interesting topic! haha least fav first and then our faves 🤣 ok.. let's see: "Tsunderes"... it depends if they are annoying because sometimes there are Tsunderes that are charming and adorable with a spicy feisty side... those I enjoy, but the ones that only scream and act rude or mean for no reason... I pass. The "pinning", I enjoy it when there is real tension and life actually, either pulls them apart or together (not the random unrealistic "coincidences", I like it if it is believable or one of the characters needs to fully develop before confessing (I need to see them accepting themselves before accepting the love of others) if pinning is well done the ending is well deserved in the long run. The "starts off as a bicth" Yeah I don't like it, I DO enjoy good enemies to lovers because both have very distinct goals or morals but then understand the other's point of view. But if the character is just a bitch for being one without further character development... I don't like that.

In my case I don't have "least fav tropes" but I see these types of content/story/character... I'm closing the page right then and there: Power abuse, gaslighting, mental health being treated as an "accessory" (not depicted as seriously and delicately as it should be dealt), I don't hate it but it is not my fav the "love at first sight" ... I need to see and feel the foundation of a relationship before realizing it is love. and my biggest turn of is if the characters are super annoying or super ..what I call "empty pretty and annoying" Im sorry they could be the prettiest in the universe but if they don't have a personality and are annoying... is a big NO.

[sunnflowyyr]

heyo! first of all i LOVE your writing, I aspire to write as well as you one day <3 I wanted to request some headcanons with the rise boys w/ a gn reader who’s mute!! please don’t feel like you have to answer this, feel free to ignore/delete!!

aaa, hey there !! first of all, thank you so much for your kind words !! i'm sorry for taking so long to get to your request, but i've thought about your idea since it popped into my inbox so i'm excited to finally put it all into this post. i am my own critic and i bully myself until i like my content; so i took a while with this one.

quick disclaimer: i do not have a lot of knowledge about mute individuals, but i did some research during the writing of this fic to try to be as respectful as possible and to also educate myself; however, my comprehension skills aren't the greatest. if i have inaccurately represented this community with misleading information (or if i have misunderstood mutism as a whole), please let me know and i'll correct my work to reflect accurate information. it is never my intention to hurt or offend anyone. - much love, sun

i hope you enjoy !! <3

-

rise!turtles with a mute reader

Raph

i imagine april introduces you to the turtles and that he doesn't really clue into you are being mute at first

mainly because he didn't read the group chat message where april tells the turtles you're mute (he never reads the gc, smfh)

so he always feels bad when he talks to you and you just kind of smile or blink

since he doesn't realize, he just overthinks about why you don't answer back

maybe you don't like him? is he annoying? too loud?

can you smell his "I'm Nervous About Meeting New People" stink?

so when he tells his brothers and they clue him in, it just clicks for him

it makes him feel closer to you because he grew up mute

(i saw a hc once that raph was mute as a kid and no, i will not be convinced otherwise)

you might notice a slight behavior change

he'd normally be a little awkward or stiff in conversation before, but now he finds a way to communicate with you!

even if you don't talk, he'll find a way to keep you in conversation

especially because he can talk a lot if he thinks no one is annoyed by his rambling

the longer he knows you, the longer he picks up on your nonverbal cues and you both find an easy way to communicate with each other

he can't sign very well (just because of the lack of fingers) but he knows how to interpret ASL so you can communicate with him !!

Leo

honestly doesn't notice it from the first time he meets you

also doesn't read the group chat

mainly because he talks so much that he doesn't pay attention to how quiet you are

though when he does notice, he might ask about it?

not to embarrass you, though; he might tease people about a lot of things, but even he knows his limits on that

we love a respectful king

he's just curious about the details, but definitely doesn't push you into telling him about it

he's a nosey mf he can't help himself

all of the brothers (him included) will speak up for you

if you're comfortable with that, of course

"hey, they said no pickles."

he might be sassier about it though, just because he's leo

but he'll do it a million times over

he's also pretty good at picking up on nonverbal cues and body language (because of raph being mute and donnie having nonverbal moments)

if you're uncomfortable? tired? excited? overwhelmed?

leo is here for you

Donnie

knows immediately because he actually reads the group chat

like the others, he knows how to communicate with you

especially with sign language, because he actually knows it and can sign really well?

he actually finds it nice to communicate with you this way as well, especially during some nonverbal moments

and sometimes he can really ramble on; even more so if it's about his interests and superior tech

so signing helps him slow down (because he wants to make sure you can interpret his signing; having three fingers can make it difficult) and watch for your replies

there might be days where you both sit in a comfortable silence (or he just watches you if you want to communicate), or he's really verbal

he can either ramble or keep it short and simple; it really just depends on his mood

but he quietly appreciates the understanding between the both of you

he can see how excited you are about everyone talking about something you're interested in; you wanna join, but it's hard to keep up with their voices and it can be overwhelming

what's wrong, (name)? - donnie asks in ASL

when you tell him he immediately finds a way to stop the conversation

"(name) has something to say about that."

ALL of the brothers look out for you, but he would the most

Mikey

"knows immediately because he actually reads the group chat": the sequel

this boy will do all of the verbal talking for the both of you

he's not necessarily over-talkative, but enjoys having conversations

i'm projecting in the next headcanon but hear it out okay

when mikey was a kid, he grew up with a speech delay

it wasn't until his he was between age 8-9 that he began to improve in his speech

because of it however, he relied heavily on gestures and used very little words unless he was unsure of how to express himself

it was a frustrating for him as a kid; not being able to communicate as well with his brothers

excluding donnie from that cause he taught himself ASL, then taught mikey some words to help him

he wants to make sure you feel heard and that you're comfortable

be prepared because if he knows you're fine with it, he'll rope you into group conversations like donnie does

he understands ASL pretty well, but he won't sign back most of the time; he just has a hard time with it

like leo, he's also pretty good at noticing your body language

i mention reader knowing ASL a lot (aligning it with the fact that i hc the turtles knowing it), but if you don't use it to communicate?

the turtles value your friendship and will adapt any form of communication so you can talk with them!!

you just write on a small whiteboard? mikey's got plenty of supplies for you in his room

if you use a text to speech program? they wait patiently for your reply

as i said, they value you as an individual and welcome you into their little family with opens arms <3

[epersonae]

trying to noodle through something that pulls together these thoughts...

bouncing back and forth some ideas about Stede's perspective on the French party

wanting to see Stede suffer for hurting Ed

the bar scene in episode 10

(note: there's lots of interesting back and forth in the notes on these, conversations that loop out in slightly different directions from the same core)

and the question of Stede fans/likers/identifiers who are also Stede-critical, and pulling them together through:

(post which I happened to see while thinking about this)

and y'all, I am not usually much of a meta/analysis writer -- I think these things through in conversation in discord or by writing fic, or I just wander around my house and talk to my cat about it. so this is maybe going to be a ramble going nowhere, or the classic

so with that caveat...

people who know me well will know that I'm fascinated by a bimodal distribution: anything where all the results cluster at either end of a scale. I think this is in play here.

because I'm gonna talk about the one thing but I do want to acknowledge the other, if only because there was someone out there sending some thoroughly bananapants anon asks based on the idea that Stede did nothing wrong, ever, actually, and so clearly that's a uhhhhh position that sure does exist.

but I do see a lot of us who like Stede as a character, and who identify with him one way or another, who are also like HEY DIPSHIT, WHAT THE HELL.

but it's also not actually a question, because as per Fyre's post, some of us have done that shit, and don't feel great about it, and would like to do better, and would like to see Our Guy do better. I think it's an emotional stance of wanting more of ourselves, or of wanting to go back and make things right that maybe we fucked up before.

I had a long conversation with my therapist, after I had that whole "I understand doing a runner" revelation, about some people I ghosted back in the early/mid 2000s. People who in retrospect I would love to go back to and say "hey I'm sorry: you were trying to help me, and I wish I'd done better." And I can't. All I can do now is acknowledge it to myself, and remind myself why all that happened, and do better now.

and that part of what we identify with in Stede is growth, that it's possible to fuck up and do better the next time, that it's never too late, that we can learn and grow (and find love), and that we want to bully our guy into continue to do that.

because it means that maybe we deserve that too.

[billiedeanhwrd]

when i fell you were there, with your hands in the air

cordelia goode x fem!reader

summary: your depression is hitting you harder than most days, cordelia comforts you 🤍

warnings: depression, slight mention of childhood trauma, it's angsty mental health fluff basically

word count: 1.7k

a/n: this is my first ever fanfic and i'm very very nervous about it, so pls don't be too harsh, constructive criticism is very much welcome though!! also i'm sorry about any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language. i also have to add that this was very much self indulgent and based on my own experience with depression, so if you don't relate, that's fine, everyone experiences it differently. I hope you enjoy it tho, have fun reading <3

today was one of those days again. one of those days where everything seemed grey and pointless. one of those days where taking a shower was too exhausting. one of those days where it didn't matter if you left your clothes on the floor or a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. one of those days where you isolated yourself. one of those days that seemed to return to you every morning for almost 3 weeks now.

you had been struggling with depression for years now and attending therapy regularly still didn't take away from the embarrassment you felt about your illness. cordelia didn't know, you didn't want to burden her with your subjectively "silly" problems. It wasn't easy hiding something so life consuming from your lover, but whenever you were with her you felt as though you could reach for the stars and there was no point in ruining happy moments with sad stories.

Whenever you felt really depressed and unable to function, you isolated yourself. Cordelia and you had been together for 7 months now and the first time she thought she had done something wrong which had resulted in you needing space from her, but when she confronted you, you reassured her that sometimes you needed some time to yourself because you were a more introverted person. While that might be true, you wanted nothing more than for her to take you into her arms and tell you everything was going to be okay again, but the fear of possibly burdening the already very busy supreme held you back from confessing what was weighing you down.

you were used to this already, you always kept your darkness to yourself, too afraid of being too much or being abandoned by your loved ones, while the rational side of you knew that the people in your life who truly meant something to you would never abandon you because of your chronic depression, anxiety left no room for rationality.

you were always feeling kind of down, but some days it was easier to cope and enjoy your day despite that... and then there were those phases where you felt unusually down, those phases that caused you to isolate yourself and wait for the storm to pass in solitude. They usually lasted only a few days or maximum a week, but this one had been going on for much longer. cordelia was worried, you had never needed so much "alone time to recharge your social battery", but she didn't want to overstep your boundaries and possibly push you away, because what you weren't aware of was that cordelia too struggled with abandonment issues and fearing she would be "too much" (which she could never be for you, you adored every single second you could spend in the blonde witch's presence).

After leaving multiple text messages and trying to call you, only to be greeted by your voicemail, cordelia took it upon herself to see what was going on with you. The knocking on your door would've usually startled you, but you had just ordered a pizza, too tired to prepare a meal yourself and assumed the delivery was faster than they had stated on their website. your jaw fell open and the door was quickly closed again, shit shit shit, what am i supposed to do now? the place looks like a mess, i can't let cordelia se-

"y/n can you open the door please?" she asked in her gentle voice. "Uh, yeah, give me a second" you replied, hastily throwing on a hoodie that had been lying around on your couch, coincidentally that hoodie being one you stole from cordelia a few weeks ago, something that made your girlfriend's heart warm up a little and relieve her of some of the worried thoughts she had that this might be your way of signaling to her that you no longer wished to be in a relationship with her.

"can we talk? i haven't seen you in three weeks and you haven't answered any of my texts... what's going on? you know you can talk to me about anything..."

"uhm, yes, of course. sit down, make yourself at home, would you like anything to drink?"

"no, thank you, i just want to talk to you"

you didn't have the energy to lie to the woman who held your heart in her hands anymore, you were terrified of her reaction, not only to you being mentally ill but also to you hiding it for so long.

"i'm so sorry delia, please don't be mad", you anxiously stuttered out. cordelia grabbed your hand and smiled reassuringly, signaling for you to continue talking.

"I didn't tell you before because i know you've already got so much going on with the academy and i didn't want to pile onto that with my irrelevant issues... I was diagnosed with depression amongst other things a few years ago, it's something i have to deal with every day and some days are easier than others, but sometimes it all comes crashing down on me and i feel like i'm lost in an ocean of a sadness so powerful, i can feel the pain on my body. I know it can be challenging to be close to someone with severe mental issues and I understand if you don't want to continue being with me, i would never want you to stay with me because you pity me or because you're afraid i'd do something to myself if you'd left, you're not responsible for my feelings or actions and i would never want to impose you with such a burden and-"

you stopped rambling when you noticed the tears flowing down cordelia's cheeks.

your eyes widened and your heart started pounding rapidly in your chest. "i'm sorry, was that too much?"

"no, no, no, no, no... it just pains me to know that you've been dealing with this on your own for such a long time because you don't value yourself enough to believe that other people might want to support you through your everyday battles. y/n, i know you, you're the girl who's always there when someone else needs a shoulder to cry on, anytime, anyplace, you always go out of your way to make others feel seen and accepted, why would you ever think that you don't deserve the kindness you so openly give to others?"

now it was you who was crying, cordelia was right, you didn't value yourself enough to believe that. you didn't actively think of yourself as less than others but that thought always unconsciously motivated the way you dealt with the things that were bothering you.

cordelia patted her lap, signaling for you to sit on her lap and come into her arms. you hesitated though, you weren't used to being so vulnerable and open with your emotions and it scared the shit out of you. you feared cordelia was possibly annoyed at you and was only doing this to get it over with and then get out. she watched you, while you were anxiously deciding what your next move would be, her heart broke for you, you looked like a scared baby dear when all she wanted to do was to comfort you.

"baby, look at me"

her chocolate colored eyes were so full of love, simply looking into them managed to get your heart rate down.

"it's okay, i'm not mad at you for talking about your feelings and all i want to do right now is to hug some of your pain away, so please, let me hold you"

you melted at her gentle words and understanding nature, cordelia was an incredibly smart woman, who went through traumatic things herself and even from that little information you shared, she understood you. she saw her younger self in you, so incredibly lonely but oh, so scared of being vulnerable with another person, due to the emotional abuse her mother subjected her to, and while she might not have gone through the same things you did, she felt like she understood your feelings in this exact moment and she wanted nothing more than to make you feel safe with her.

you slowly crawled into her lap, still afraid this was all a trick to hurt you, but when she started combing through your hair and reassuringly whispering "i've got you" and "you're here with me, i promise you, you're safe", you relaxed into her arms.

after about half an hour of laying there with each other, calming down and enjoying the other one's warmth, you spoke up.

"delia?"

"yes, my love?"

"so you're not leaving me?", you hesitantly asked.

cordelia sat up and looked straight in your eyes while asking "would you leave someone you love because they're depressed?"

"no, never"

"then tell me, sweetheart, why would i leave you?"

her response left you speechless, you almost missed her confessing her love. "you love me?"

she hugged you tight and pressed a kiss on your forehead. "more than anything, and please, never worry about telling me about what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, no matter what it is, i wanna know, okay?"

you let out the breath you didn't know you were holding and confidently replied "okay"

a few minutes passed before you spoke up again when you remembered you didn't say those 3 special words back.

"i love you too, by the way"

cordelia smiled lovingly and stood up to reach out for your hand and pull you up. "i know, now let's go to bed, we can clean up this place tomorrow"

you accepted her helping hand and engulfed her in a hug. the way she so naturally used the word "we" and didn't seem to mind helping you clean up your mess of an apartment made you more emotional than you'd like to admit.

And while you knew this would not be the last time you were overwhelmed by your depression, you now knew that you could count on the woman who loved you to stand by your side and help you get through even your hardest day.

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Hi! Your analysis of GK is so great. In a past few weeks I read almost all of the chapter ramblings and so many times your predictions and observations were spot on.

I became intrigued by Ogata's character the most and your posts helped to structure the info about his place in the story. 

Even though we have zero info about his motivation for being in all this mess, I kinda think of him as an agent of chaos. Ogata played with the idea of killing Asirpa at least twice (although in Karafuto arc I think he had some kind of breakdown because of Asirpa's similarity to Yuusaku) which means at least twice he was ready to give up on gold. 

And that made me think that maybe Noda, plot wise, building him up to be the one who will destroy the gold or do something that no one can get it? Ogata's behavior mostly leans toward destruction so it would be logical for him to play the Joker of the series (Heath Ledger's Joker who could burn a ton of money just to show he dgaf)? 

Sorry for such a long ask and for my grammar, my English is not very good. Can't wait to read some more of your ramblings. 

Thank you for enjoying my analysis and welcome among those who’re intrigued by Ogata!

Please, don’t worry about your English, I’m not English speaker myself so really, I know how hard it is to write in a foreign language.

On another note I have to admit that, as I already said, I strongly disagree with the 99% of the cases in which the fandom refers to Ogata as a chaotic character, agent of chaos and so on so it’s up to you if you feel like continuing to read this reply.

If you do let’s get a bit into technicalities.

When nowadays you define a character a “chaotic one”?

When he fits the “chaotic character alignment”.

What’s a character alignment?

Originally in RPG it was a convenient shorthand for a given character's moral/ethical outlook on life, the universe and everything.

On the moral axis you have Good, Neutral, and Evil. Good focuses on improving others' well-being; Evil focuses on the self, even at the expense of others; and Neutral an intermediate position that either doesn't care or seeks balance between the two ends.

On the Ethical axis: Lawful, Neutral, and, of course, Chaotic. Lawful represents honor and obedience to the law; Chaotic leans toward personal freedom, without regards to the law; and Neutral is again an intermediate position that either doesn't care or seeks balance between the two ends.

You pair those 6 variants and get 9 possible alignments.

In the Chaotic case you get:

- Chaotic good: better example is Robin Hood, a thief (therefore chaotic because he doesn’t respect the law) who steals to the rich to give to the poor (therefore good). Doesn’t respect the law but he clearly does it for a morally good ending.

- Chaotic evil: better example the Joker in many of its versions. He is a criminal (so obviously chaotic) who commits any sort of crime either at the expenses of others or in order of having fun at hurting others (so evil).

- Chaotic neutral: they do what they want but they aren’t out to hurt or save anyone. They just want to do what they want. It’s a bit hard to find a character fitting for them. Some suggest Lupin III because, although he steals (so again he’s chaotic), he doesn’t aim to hurt anyone nor to help anyone but himself  (and this would make him neutral... though in Lupin’s case it’s a bit more complicate than that). Occasionally you can fit in this trope fantastic creatures (Gods, kenders, creatures from the mythologies or from a fantasy setting) that just don’t respect the law because... they’re written/drawn like that and don’t really have a motive for their own actions beyond that’s in their own nature... nature that the author created as such for fictional purposes.

Note that using those axis is good for oversimplified analysis or oversimplified characters and not for realistic characters like the ones of “Golden Kamuy” who’re neither good nor evil nor completely chaotic albeit hardly lawful but they are a huge mix of all that... like many real people are.

So back to GK... since no one in this story is respecting the law, if we really want to stuck people on the ethical axis EVERYONE falls on the chaotic alignment, starting with the convicts, who of course don’t respect law, to Tsurumi, who’s a rebel officer and going through Wilk and Kiro and Sofia (partisans/revolutionaries) and Sugimoto himself who’s hunting people, fighting the 7th (although we know the 7th is rebelling, since they’re still legally in charge, they still represent the law).

In this sense Ogata is also chaotic like everyone else and this is the only case in which I’m willing to acknowledge him as such, because, like everyone else, he’s not respecting the law but doing what he decided he needs to do to reach his goal.

But a part of the fandom use the term chaotic merely to imply he’s here to wreak havoc merely because he has fun doing others miserable.

This is not being chaotic, this is being evil, the poorly characterized evil who has no real motive for the things he does beyond that he’s evil and all his backstory is just an excuse, not a motive.

This would make Ogata an even poorly written character than Ueji, who’s a chaotic evil but whose backstory explains why he went insane and started to find fun in other’s people misery.

Ogata’s backstory doesn’t explain that, it explains his obsession for his father, for his approbation, for him to come back to him and his mother, for him to fit in a family OF HIS OWN CHOSING.

So, I’m not saying Noda can’t make Ogata be in the story wreaking havoc for the fun of it, just that if that’s the case Ogata is a poorly written character because he lacks a motive for his actions.

For Ogata to be well written, all his actions need to be possible to be explained according to his motive.

Noda for example has recently explained WHY Wilk changed, WHY Kiro killed him, WHY Tsurumi is obsessed with Wilk, WHY the Ainu slaughtered each other, WHY Wilk lost his face and ended up in Abashiri.

And once you know the reasons why all those people did X you might criticize them for their choices, because they might feel like stupid or immoral choices but they make sense in that setting.

So why Ogata tried killing Asirpa?

Why not?

We don’t know for which motive Ogata is in the gold hunt. We don’t know if he wants the gold. What if he’s in the gold hunt for a reason that’s not tied to the gold?

He was in a rebel group way before he knew Sugimoto or Asirpa existed.

Is he allied with Central or is he moved by a personal grudge?

We don’t know.

Does he too believe finding the gold would be evil so he wants either to find the gold and hide it some other place or for nobody to find the gold?

We don’t know.

Did he allied with Kiro because he has ties with the Ainu or with some other partisan/revolutionary force?

We don’t know.

Is he merely trying to avoid the Central will sweep away the 7th once they steal the info on where the gold is from Tsurumi? Does he not want a Civil War in Hokkaido? Is he keeping some sort of promise?

We don’t know.

But Ogata can have tons of motives to be in this gold hunt (though I bet his motive is tied to his father so maybe does he want to prove something to him even if the guy is dead? Or avenge him in some way? Or himself because Tsurumi tricked him into thinking his father could love him when this clearly would never be the case? Those things are motives that can move his actions but that aren’t tied to him gaining the gold.

If that’s the case ‘finding the gold’ might not be his ultimate goal, his ultimate goal might be, for example, STOPPING TSURUMI FROM FINDING IT.

This doesn’t make him a chaotic character, it makes him Tsurumi’s antagonist/adversary/enemy.

In this case, if he can’t find it and move it away, killing Asirpa so that Tsurumi won’t get any clue from her, is a good way to accomplish his goal.

Still, even if he were to be interested in the gold, killing Asirpa would still be a good way to prevent others from finding it before him.

Asirpa isn’t going to tell him the key to the code, this was made clear in Karafuto when she kept on stalling even though she had no idea Ogata shoot her father.

Ogata has made clear he is not the type to torture a kid to get an info because he didn’t try to beat Asirpa to force her to talk. If she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t want to.

But Asirpa can give that info to others. To avoid this Tsurumi planned to jail her in an underground room.

Ogata has no basement to hide her.

If he can’t get the info himself, the only way to prevent others to get it is to kill Asirpa.

What’s more, Ogata might have grown to believe he doesn’t need Asirpa to find the gold. Maybe he thinks he can figure out the key on his own, or maybe, since he was with Asirpa when she remembered the key, he has figured the key was tied to the meaning of Wilk’s name, “Wolf”, had tried using “Horkey”, the Ainu way to say “Wolf” on the skins Hijikata had and has assumed that was the whole key.

Killing an Asirpa who won’t cooperate with him, is no big deal to him because, unless he’s willing to torture her (psychologically like Tsurumi is doing, or physically) she’s of no use to him.

If she joins Hijikata she might share the info with him but she’ll also stop Hijikata from taking him back.

If she’s carried to Tsurumi, Ogata knows Tsurumi will force her to talk which is precisely what Tsurumi has done.

In short, since he can’t get the info she has while others can, the only way for him not to end up with a huge disadvantage is to kill her.

The fact her death will throw into chaos his adversaries doesn’t mean him longing for chaos, means just that he knows if you create chaos in the enemy forces this will work at your advantage. It’s basic war strategy, nothing more

“The whole secret lies in confusing the enemy, so that he cannot fathom our real intent.” [Sun Tzu, “The Art of War”]

So no, if the idea is that Ogata is chaotic because he’s here to create chaos for the sake of creating chaos, I’m not embracing it in the slightest.

Of course this doesn’t mean I’m necessarily right, just that this is my view on him. I’m not Noda, I can, of course, be wrong.

Thank you for your ask!

[itshesdimples]

-Hello to anyone reading. This is my first time writing something and putting it out for the world to see. That being said, I would love any constructive criticism you have to give me. Thank you for any support you may give me, I cant thank you enough xoxo ~H - 

I remember the day as if it were yesterday; the day you crossed the unimaginable line. 

I thought we had everything, I thought I was your everything. 

2 MONTHS AGO

"Hey sunshine, just calling to let you know I wont be able to make it home this time. I'm sorry, the label has me doing something that I'm not sure is a good idea but they say it will help me in the long run." He sighs at the end, I imagine him palming his forehead.

"Look, I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you are everything to me, you make me want to become the best version of myself. During the months we have been together I have seen the best and worst side of you and I'm not running, promise. I want you to be mine forever, do you hear me? Just remember that." Harry expelled.

You were a little worried, seeing as you two had been together for a little over nine months and it was extremely rewarding. The time apart has always been different to the other relationships she had been in the past but with Harry it seemed like more than she had ever received from the previous men. 

As a surgical intern you work countless hours and never really get more than a few hours to yourself, so when you met Harry you really never saw it going anywhere. You were just too happy for your own good, openly expressing your life to perfect strangers and expecting them all to be accepting of who you are.

* 9 MONTHS AGO* 

The hospital you worked at allotted 80 hours a work week and as hopeful as you may be feeling, there is a little voice in the back of your head telling you not to go bar hopping. "Just one drink and then water." you emphasize to your good friend Mike, the bartender. 

"Vodka soda coming right up, Dr. Demanding." He chuckles. You turn around in the chair and stare at all the fellow drunks, looking for your intern comrades who should be here by now. 

Although you dont find your friends, you spot a very handsome, familiar face coming toward you. Admiring the face across from you, you decide to take the first step following by the downing of your vodka soda. " You dont seem to be familiar with the very famous bar here in town so you must not be from around here," you tease, holding out your hand to shake. "I'm [Y/N]. Not to sound weird but have we met before?" You get a very bold feeling of deja vu but laugh it off. "I'm sorry, my friends are supposed to be here by now and I'm socially handicapped, sometimes I dont know when to stop talking." Now you're just rambling at the breathtaking man in front of you and feeling red in the cheeks. 

"Its alright love, I sometimes feel socially handicapped around exquisite women such as yourself. Actually, that sounded like you're one of hundreds but I-- what I meant to say was that, you seem a little lonely. Can I buy you a drink?" He rambles, tugging at his jacket. 

"I am only allowed one drink, I know it sounds weird but I'm on a ticking time bomb, you see this?" You pull out your pager, "any moment this thing will go off and I have to skip back to work like a dreamy little school girl but inside I am dying of starvation, need a beer and twenty hours sleep." You just keep spitting up word vomit and your face is permanently pink but you just cant stop because what if it gets quiet? Now that's when it gets awkward.

"I don't think we have ever met because I'd remember you" Harry confirms, looking you up and down your shapely body. "What do you do for a living that has you on such a tight leash?" Taking a sip of his beer, he stands up and walks next to the chair you're sitting in. 

"Surgical intern, Dr. [Y/L/N] at your service, sir." You cant help but crack a little bit of the tension you have building up in your stomach while talking to him but that doesn't stop you from staring him in the eyes and trying your best to flirt. 

The aura around him is too intoxicating, too much to handle without trying to add a little humor in the mix. "I like it when you call me sir, Dr. [Y/L/N] but how long have you been a doctor? I'd love to get to know you before you have to leave me." He articulates, trying to captivate her attention.

"I love my job but it has been a long winded road, it feels like years but I've only been a real doctor for a little over two months. It takes a lot out of me but that is why I'm glad I have two great friends who I can lean on. We keep each other afloat and they're also my roommates. I don't know where I would be without them." All of that poured out of my mouth before I had the chance to cork it but I couldn't help telling him something about myself that was at least surface level.

He just seems like an eerie case of the best illusion I've ever seen. I cant help but shake the feeling that I've known him all my life, like telling him the ins-and-outs of my life wouldn't be detrimental to my health. 

"Now tell me something about yourself. For starters maybe your name? I've never seen you here before and I'm here all the time so I'm pretty good at knowing who is an out of towner, and I don't know how much time I have left." You're trying to get to know him and that is so unlike you. Having had boyfriends in the past, you were never the one asking the questions or wanting to get to know them more than a few dates and drinks. The longest relationship you have ever had was two months and you two went to high school together. 

"Hi I'm Harry, and I don't know how much longer I get to sit next to you so please can I have your number, sunshine? I would love to take you for dinner sometime soon." Harry is going out on a whim asking for your phone number but keeps going, "From what I have gathered you are a very busy woman and I admire that, love it even. I know this sounds crazy but I feel like I know you already and I have never felt that with another person so please give me a chance, I will work around your schedule. I dont care what it--" he is stopped when your pager goes off as an emergent patient being admitted, all hands on deck you assume. 

"Sunshine, huh? I like it." You wink at him and ask Mike for a pen so you can scrawl your number on a napkin and thank Harry for a very pleasant chat. It was good to know that he felt for you, as you did him after just meeting the man, and his nickname for you was adorable. 

For the next two weekends you spent getting to know Harry on a personal note. He told you he loved writing music, performing and was already an amazing talent. Harry showed you his latest music and you wondered how you hadn't connected the dots sooner. You knew he was a very private person, as he told you on your first date. 

(FLASHBACK)

"I'd love to get to know your friends, and see what kind of person you are. I can't wait to know you but I just want you to know that I can't have a lot of people knowing what is going on in my personal life." He sighs, you two sat down at dinner and he couldn't help but spit out what he wanted to tell you when you first met. "I don't want to sound pretentious or come off as someone who cares about his appearance to others but I have to tell you that I make music for a living and have quite the lot of fans. Screaming fans to be exact, " he chortles, asking the waiter for a bottle of wine to start off, "but I can't help but love them all. They made my career but I have to remain a private person. I adore my fans but they are very protective and I don't want our relationship to struggle because of a few of them saying unkind things." He grabs your hand and looks you in the eyes, trying to make you understand the reason for privacy.

"I've never met anyone like you Harry and I meet a lot of people on the regular. You have this way about you that draws me in and I want to get to know you. If that means that I cannot post my gushing about you on social media, so be it. I really like you and would like to know who you are." You declare, hoping he understands that he as a person means more than everyone understanding her lifestyle choices. 

(END OF FLASHBACK) 

Tonight was the night you knew you wanted to understand him on an even more personal level. You knew that the way you felt for him wasn't a normal crush, wasn't even a normal type of love. You knew he had the power to hurt you if he wished to do so but that was so far in the back of your mind. He meant so much to you already that it didn't matter you two were keeping your relationship a secret from most of the world, apart from a select few. It was the best date of them all, Harry cooked you and your best friends dinner so when you got off work, dinner was on the table. He was always so thoughtful of your needs and you thought it was the time to prioritize his.

"Take me to bed Harry." You whimper, "I want you." 

*7 MONTHS LATER* 

Things were hectic in your life but that was the way they always were but now it seemed like days stretched past 24 hours and turned into a marathon sprint that never ended. 

The day Harry unmistakably broke you was the day that sleep had everything on you. Going for days on end was something you were accustomed to but after he cut you deeper than you could ever be, sleep seemed to be your only friend. 

You thought you knew him better than anyone. He was your Harry, your everything, even your person maybe? 

But when his decision to take his career to the next step interfered in your relationship, your life; that was the day to call it quits no matter the devastation. He may have been your soulmate but maybe, just maybe it wasn't right. The timing, the place of it all was just too much. Your life just didn't have room for much else, especially someone who was willing to hurt you unimaginably and not walk away in order to lessen the blow. 

*2 WEEKS BEFORE THE INEVITABLE *

"Hey sunshine, just calling to let you know I wont be able to make it home this time. I'm sorry, the label has me doing something that I'm not sure is a good idea but they say it will help me in the long run." He sighs at the end, I imagine him palming his forehead.

"Look, I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you are everything to me, you make me want to become the best version of myself. During the months we have been together I have seen the best and worst side of you and I'm not running, promise. I want you to be mine forever, do you hear me? Just remember that." Harry expelled.

That was two hours ago and within those two hours you knew it was best to stay off your phone. You keep telling yourself to not look for anything leading you to clues about his voice mail. It wasn't like him to express his feelings over the phone, he was an in person 'declare-my-love-for-you' type of man so when you listened to it you thought it was best to stay off your phone. 

Trailing off to the shower in pursuit of getting to work, you hear your phone's inescapable shrill from your bedroom and decide to opt away from contact to that thing. 

As soon as you leave for work is when your heart stops, skips a few beats and then plummets into your stomach. 

"Harry Styles in a relationship with Camille Rowe? That is the best thing I have heard all week. The star tells us that they met months ago and kept it a secret in order to get to know each other. We cant wait for updates on their relationship. Now on to the juic--" That's all you can hear for the rest of the day, ringing in your mind like it is an announcement on the P.A. at work for all to hear. 

You knew that was the end of everything. Devastation didn't even hit the mark, it was like everything in the world was on fast forward and you were still trying to get through the commercials. Nothing made sense any more, the glass was no longer half full. It was completely drained and then smashed on the ground into a million little pieces. That was how her whole body felt, like it was just shattered on the ground, irreparable. 

The damage was done and there was nothing holding you back from wailing like a siren in front of all of the patients waiting for surgery, but your best friends always had your back. Making sure you eat during lunch and taking you to the bar at the end of your shift so you can drink the bottle dry. 

Just shy of a half hour sitting at the bar was when you were cut-off by Harry running into the bar rambling about how he thought they were spinning the tabloids another way. 

"I thought they were going to report that we just met and were already dating, I would have never let them ruin what we had by saying I knew her while you and I were together. I told them exactly what to say! I don't even know her, we just met." He jumbles his sentences trying to get hold of his clear message. 

You stand up from your seated position and start motioning for him to join you outside. Once out there, you decide what is best moving forward. 

"While we were together?" You scoff, trying to be as civil as can be under your obvious exhaustion, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

"At least you said something truthful in the last two minutes you decided to interrupt my break. Yes, you and I are no longer together. Honestly we should have never started something, our careers couldn't be more opposite and honestly I cannot afford to ruin my career over someone who wants to build his on lies. So thank you for what we had but from now on I would like to move forward, away from you." You keep talking in order to get your point across, hoping that when all is said and done there will be closure on both ends. 

You know that Harry does care for you but in these last twenty four hours you've learned is that maybe you can't have it all. Maybe happily-ever-afters are only for the imagination. 

Maybe life throws things at you so you can overcome them but there are times like these when she wonders what the message is supposed to be? 

Is there a message? 

That you can have one person in your life that should be your forever but just cant fit in there? 

"I know we never said it but I do love you, I think I always will but we can't make it fit. The time we spent together was great and I hope there is a lesson in there somewhere. I can only believe that closure is what we need now." She grabs on to his shoulder and goes in for a hug to end the conversation but he pulls back,"How could you think that we need closure? What we need is each other. I need you, in my life with me forever. You are always going to be the only one for me, I just know it." He grabs on to her and holds for dear life, hoping that he can convey her to stick it out for them both. 

"I know what I'm feeling is selfish because I never want to hurt you but my career is part of my life and I can't run away from who I am but I want you in my life, always. I will never stop loving you." Harry pulls away and looks in her eyes with tears in his," I cannot fathom a life without my sunshine. Maybe the timing is wrong but cant we make it right?" 

[Y/N] pulls away, trying to compose herself and make the most rational decision. She needs to think about her life and what she needs, not anyone else. "Harry Styles, while being with you was the best rollercoaster ride of my life, and if I could stay on forever I would do so; I have to get off. I need to pull away for the sake of my head and heart. Being with you makes me happy but when it interferes with my work, which is saving lives, I have to be on one hundred percent all the time. You have clouded my thoughts and judgement, and while being a star is part of who you are, being a doctor is me so I cannot give up who I am. Sometimes maybe love isn't enough?" By this point you can't hold back the sobs you have held in since you knew the inevitable truth and holding them back would be foolish, so you let them come. 

Harry tries to grab onto you with the little strength he has left from crying and lack of sleep. "I cannot let you get away. You are my everything! I canno--" he tries to catch his breath in between the racks of his heart," please, please do not leave me [Y/N]. We can make this work. I love you and that is enough, it is enough for me. Please." Harry whispers the last part, crouching in front of you and trying to hold you to him. 

"It isn't enough for the both of us Harry, and you know it." You're trying to hold back until you can be alone. All you want is to crawl in bed and become dead to the world because that's how you feel right about now. " I will always love you and maybe one day that love will be enough but right now I just don't see how that is possible Harry. I can't rationalize what is happening in our relationship and tell you that we will make it through it. The best thing to do is cut our ties before we start to resent each other." You take one last breath, looking at your friends inside the bar. You signal to them that you're leaving, and say the one thing that you know will hurt the most. 

"I can't try anymore to be with you so this is my goodbye. I wish you the best Harry, I really do." In the middle of all this you had a death grip on his hands but now is the time to walk away from one of the best things to happen to you. As gut wrenching as it is, the best thing for the both of them was to move on. Worry about the time in their career when it is at the peak so as hurtful as it is, she knows that she is doing what's best. 

You pull away from his grasp, looking down at him kneeling on the ground and kiss his forehead. "I love you." You whisper through tears. 

All you can hear behind you is wails of sirens, drunk people cheering on the football game inside but the one thing that is the loudest is Harry's cries. As soon as you walk away you break down into a blubbering mess. Your friends catch up after you, while looking at the mess you and Harry made behind. You can hear Harry's cries of desperation and the only thing your heart is telling you to do is 'go back, go back to him' but you know it's not logical. 

If it is meant to be you will make it work at a better time. Things will come together and make sense one day but not when her mind is a fuzzy mess. Maybe weeks, months or years later she will understand what it means to have love be enough. It has to mean something right? 

Good byes may hurt but sometimes they are unsurpassable. Sometimes they come barreling into your life totally unexpected and ruin something you thought could be forever. 

[bbyhaikyuu]

Captains as Older Brothers || Headcanons

Ushijima Wakatoshi || Kuroo Tetsurou || Oikawa Tooru || Sawamura Daichi || Bokuto Kotaro

Warnings: Just some swear words here and there. gn!reader.

I actually have two brothers, one older and one younger. So this one is probably influenced by my experiences

M.List || Requests

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Everyone is surprised that you're his younger sibling?? I mean, you're a ball of sunshine and Wakatoshi is... Wakatoshi.

What they didn't know is that precisely because of your older brother, you were able to become the person you are today.

He was the one who kept you distracted while your parents fought. The one who shouldered everything just to let you have a normal childhood. And the one who demanded that both of you should always be together. He practically raised you in a way.

The type of brother who rarely bickers and just lets you win? He mature like that.

The dorm rooms for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd years are separated but you visit each other frequently, be it for homework, movie nights, or just plain gossiping ya'know?

Tendou naturally became your brother too. The best one to talk about the manga and animes because all your brother does is read the advertisements on jump.

Occasionally treats you with food whenever you do good at exams.

Found out about the love letters you've been getting. Rejects them for you lmaoooo.

Probably because you've told him about the person you kinda like. You can't really tell your mom about these stuff because when you were a kid and told her about liking someone, you just got a long ass lecture.

Wingman Wakatoshi nii-san? Hell yeah. Although he can just threaten them and everything will work out.

Best head pats. It's a fact.

Originally was against the idea of letting you play volleyball. But after seeing how passionate you were he just went— ah, fuck it

You still were far from matching his strength in spiking, but it doesn't mean you're not good at it. (you're the best according to nii-san. Don't tell Goshiki)

Has the softest smile when you're around. His team is actually dumbstruck seeing him that way.

Practically has the whole volleyball team looking after you.

Kuroo Tetsurou

The type of older brother that basically imparts all his knowledge unto you.

I have always been this kind

Yeah but loves to annoy the shit out of you. You're just lying on your bed? Mf will suffocate you with his body. But he can tell when you aren't really in the mood to play around anymore.

You and Kenma always occasionally make fun of him. Or give him the stink eye. Depends on what shit he said.

Oh yeah remember the way he taught Tsukki about blocking? He likes to be straightforward with his words and criticism.

Midnight drives and food trip. It's like a monthly bonding thing you guys have. Might also turn into a driving lesson.

Also drives for you when you go out with friends. Fetches you when it's already late at night because he doesn't trust public transport that much.

Usually let's you experience and learn some things on your own. But steps in once it feels like it's too dangerous or if he feels like you can't handle the aftermath.

He wants to be considered as the best older brother. Kinda regrets letting you meet the rest of his team. They all baby you and even Lev's older sister loves you.

Getting bullied? Try to hide it from him? No chance, he got eyes and ears everywhere. He's ready to throw hands. Even the rest of the volleyball team got their fists ready.

Brings you along whenever he comes over at Kenma's house because you and Kenma seem to get along more than him.

Might have tried to set you and Kenma up. He failed.

You and Kenma decided to ignore him for like a week. Profusely apologized after 3 days and swore he won't do it ever again.

Has a quote that goes "It's the older brother's job to annoy his younger sibling."

Honestly a good brother 11/10. Would bring a speaker and food into your room just to cheer you up. Makes fun of you after when he knows that you're over it.

Oikawa Tooru

CONSTANT FIGHTS

Either verbal or physical. This bitch won't back down.

You both lost count of how your mother threatened to handcuff you both on a pole for a whole day.

But don't be fooled. He brought out the best of his team. He can do that to you too.

Likes to give you shitty nicknames. One of his fangirls thought it would be a good idea to call you that and Oikawa overheard it. "Who do you think you are to use that nickname? " istg that girl ran away like lightning. Sonic could never.

Honestly you just fight everywhere. Iwaizumi either stops you both or joins you in bullying shittykawa.

You know that thing where you just stand in the doorway of his bedroom and like, stare at him for a good minute and leave without closing the door? Yeah he hates that.

Honestly when he's feeling down, he just goes to your room, flop down on your bed, and talk his heart out. He thinks you're just scrolling through your phone and not listening to his rambles, but thats not the case. You rarely give out advices because you know that he just wants to lift the burden off his shoulders when he talks about his thoughts.

You rarely play volleyball, but will play with him just to make him feel better.

Being Oikawa's sibling means you're crazy good even if you rarely play. People are confused.

100% helped you during your first heartbreak.

Will probably break down your door just because he wants to try a tiktok trend with you.

When the fight gets a little out of hand. Neither of you says sorry. Just pop your head into the bedroom and ask him if he wants to eat. That always solves the problem.

Never says it but he is extremely proud of his sibling. Secretly boasts about you to your teammates.

School heartthrobs. You don't really care though unlike your hoe of a brother.

Asks you to come along with him to do his practices. Never lets you go home alone

Tries really hard to be the best older brother. Of course you love him.

Sawamura Daichi

Play fighting. A lot of play fighting. Either through volleyball or wrestling.

He knows he's stronger than you so he usually tries to match his strength with yours.

Will not hesitate to put you in a headlock if you keep being an ass.

Does a pretty good job of keeping you down. I mean, he is scary when he's mad. A look or a smile can make you shut up already.

Knows when something is bugging you. Will not hesitate to ask you about it so that he can help you resolve it as fast as possible.

The type to give you a piggy back ride if you still felt like shit.

Actually asked Chikara to make sure Tanaka and Noya limit their interaction with you because he knows that those two are up to no good. After quite some time and persuading, he finally trusts them enough to be around you.

Pranks. A lot of pranks. Daichi has boomer tendencies so he probably won't know about the latest trends. Sugawara is very supportive of your plans too.

One time you almost got hit by a stray ball. He ran faster than Hinata.

Doesn't say it but he gets jealous when you hug Asahi. Who couldn't resist hugging that teddy bear?

Will ruffle your hair whenever you did something great. You kinda got accustomed to it.

Actual fights never really happen? You retort once or twice but that's pretty much it.

Knows how to cook and bake. With you being his personal critique. He bakes your favorites every Sunday.

Knows when to bother you and when not to.

Older brother instincts is one of the best of the best.

Bokuto Koutarou

A f f e c t i o n. Lots and lots of it.

Will hug you out of the blue. Or throw you out somewhere, depends on his mood. You don't mind though.

You are a perfect balance between Bokuto and Akaashi's personality. Like their love child.

You don't really have an emo mode though, just a really strong aura that can match your brother's. Akaashi was thankful because he didn't want to take care of two Bokutos. His system can't handle it.

Bokuto emo mode? Call him nii-chan along with some compliments, that'll do. That's why you're always needed when they have a game. And when you can't come, a quick call from you is usually the team's plan B.

Usually takes you to his practices if you have nothing else to do. Will probably or maybe already has taught you everything he knows.

Tried to smuggle you with him during his summer training camp. He got caught by Akaashi and got lectured by your mom.

Travelling is normal for him because of volleyball. Expect a lot of souvenirs and gifts. He spoiled you so much and he doesn't even realize it. You don't take it for granted though.

You fought once. That was it. He went on full emo mode. You never try to bicker with him again.

The type to send you snaps and tiktoks of the most random things. Even at three in the morning. Not that you're asleep (Don't tell mom.)

Will try to smuggle you again. You woke up to him trying to stuff you in a suitcase.

Will give you infinite amounts of piggy back rides despite your age.

Kuroo and Hinata knows about you because he just doesn't stop talking about his precious sibling.

Feeling down? Expect Bokuto to go into nii-chan mode. Will not hesitate to slap a bitch. Or take you to explore the city and buy you food and stuff. Remember the way of the ace T-shirt? Yeah, you have a matching one.

When he feels down, but not like his emo mode, he just usually plops down next to you and start talking. Feel free to give out advices, he'll always say that you're the smartest and the best.

A great older brother indeed. He doesn't even realize it.

Gif Sources : Ushijima, Kuroo, Oikawa, Daichi, Bokuto

[agirldying]

hi, i’m spiralling atm and honestly don’t know what to do. everything feels like a mistake. every single thing. the name i go by away from family, my goals and hopes, everything. i feel i’m making a big mistake and i’m spiralling so badly. i’ve tried dbt skills to help it slow down but it isn’t. it is only getting worst. i’m tempted to delete media’s and just drop off the face of the internet and world. but at the same time it’s things like your blog being a safe place that keeps me here. idk why i’m sending this. maybe in hopes of being understood or that i am too tired explaining myself to my ‘friends’ and i just want to be understood and heard. or it’s simply my hands are too shaky to hold a pen to write this all. idk what to do. i really done. last night i thought of so many desires i want and things i want to do, i was hopeful of starting to go after these small dreams, even start to understand myself and my story as it’s all blurry. but now i don’t even want to exist to anyone and feel i need to start over because i’m a mistake. what i have done and decided is wrong and i need to follow their wants for me. idk nothing makes sense and my heart aches. sorry for such a long ramble

Hey anon,

You are heard, seen, and cared about.

If you ever find yourself in a moment of crisis, do consider reaching out to 741-741 (you can also text this hotline) or calling 9-1-1; I can't guarantee that I'll get back to inboxes within the time you're in crisis. Do know that I appreciate you reaching out to me, that you shouldn't feel like you can't come to me about something, but that my response might be later than you need.

I especially tend to read asks over more than twice just to make sure I understand everything clearly, so I do end up taking a while to respond to longer asks. I just want to make sure that you do what's best for you in a time of crisis.

Anyways, with that little bit out of the way:

Everything about you is where it's supposed to be - it's everything around you and the mold you're being forced to fit that's the problem; make it a rule for yourself not to let people stop you from living comfortably, whether that's changing your name, taking an internet break or heavily modifying the people you follow or the content you see, or even expecting better communication and honesty with your friends. Those are all reasonable things. Even still, you don't need a reason for the things you do.

We don't know for sure if we have more than just this life to live, so you might want to make the most of what you have now and do what your heart desires despite the judgement or criticism of other people. I know it's definitely easier said than done, though - a lot about living comfortably is being surrounded by friends and relying on their feedback, but frankly it sounds like you need to do a spring cleaning with your friends list.

I don't know exactly what your hopes and dreams for the future are, but don't let people get to you and make you hesitate on your own plans. The plans are for you.

[beautiful-lusamine-blog]

Lusamun, do you have any advice for someone who really wants to write something, but can't get the motivation or courage to write it? You're a really good writer, so I was wondering if you had advice.

{Ahhh! I don’t think I’m that good but thank you very much :D 

Okay, so this one took me a while, because I really wanted to make sure I responded properly. Behind a Read More because of length}

{Go ahead and skip to the last two paragraphs for the answer to your question, unless you want a huge story about my life in fandoms and other random shit. Which you probably don’t. 

So as you may or may not know, I haven’t been an active member of the Pokémon fandom for that long. I’ve always been a fan of the series, having played my first game at about 6 or 7. I just haven’t ever been involved in the fandom, per say. I may have read a couple of fics, but I never really got involved.

Now let’s talk about writing. Creative writing is fun, but it’s really, really hard. I wrote a lot of random stuff a few years ago - Just during Study Hall I would write little books (when I probably should have been doing homework so I wasn’t quite as screwed some nights), but I could never find the motivation to continue them. I had no idea where things were going, the characters and settings were unrealistic (Even by the standards of fantasy and sci-fi novels), and after a few chapters I just started to hate the setting, story, and characters I had created - This is unrelated, but I also wrote things that were very heteronormative and centered on relationships... Which was a super bad idea, because when I started to realize I mayyyybbeeee wasn’t interested in girls I grew to hate my protagonists even more. They seemed to taunt me, and at the time I was still very confused, so that didn’t help at all.

Then, I found fanfiction. Fanfiction is something I previously had a very skewed image of - Only what I’d heard people say about it: It was all shippy and all porn, it was all terribly written with awful grammar and stories that realistically make no sense (Why would a mom leave a fourteen-year-old at home alone for  a month!), by twelve to fourteen-year-old girls, stuff like “Naruto and One Direction are all married and all adopted me now they kiss and touch each others’ butts every night and then touch MY butts!!!” (If you get that reference because you’ve seen the parody video “Welcome to Fanfiction (And Wattpad!!)” good for you. It’s a brilliant satire. Have a cookie.)

But I was so, so wrong. I just kind of, I don’t know, stumbled into fanfiction. At first I just read shippy fluff (And sometimes smut to be honest) because I thought it was all that was available. This isn’t related, but through this fanficiton is kind of how I realized that a certain type of paring happened to appeal to me a little more - I always knew I was fine with that, and would ship it if the ship was good, but I didn’t ever consider, you know, empathizing with it in a weird sort of way. Without fanficiton I’d probably still be very confused.

Sorry. I’m rambling. Point is, I found stuff that wasn’t just that! I actually found a Yogscast fanficiton with good plot to it. MindfulWrath’s “The Rise and Fall.” (She is on Archive of Our Own for those interested! If you say Lusamine sent you she will probably be very confused XD) I CRIED. Literally! Over someone else’s take on fictional characters! Anyways, I tried my own hand at writing Yogscast fanfiction.

What I did wasn’t very well written, but it got better over time. I knew what I wanted, though. I knew how it would end, and I knew the story along the way (Except for a tinnny gap at the beginning), and I had an idol to encourage me. I thought it would work great! Annnnd.... I lost motivation. I tried to come back, but the gaps between chapters became larger, and larger, and larger.

Eventually, it all stopped. I tried another one, which also kind of copied MindfulWrath. But I didn’t really care. I just wanted to write. I had foreseen such cool scenes, but I could just never get trough the exposition, never could actually write them, and that sucked. My second Yogscast fic turned out pretty much the same. So I stopped writing.

Fast-forward to the release of Pokémon Sun and Moon. I knew a few things instantly: I HAD A MASSIVE CRUSH ON GLADION. I also knew that it was one of my favorite Pokémon games of all time. I loved the characters, the darker, more personal story, the dynamic between Gladion, Lillie, and Lusamine, the complexity of Lusamine, Guzma, Gladion, and Lillie, the music, Lillie’s desire to be braver and be just like her trainer friend, which I related to a lot. The music was also phenomenal. Oh, and shirtless Kukui/Masked Royale. That was pretty nice, too.

So somehow I just found these RP blogs for Guzma and Plumeria. Don’t really remember. They led me to one of Gladion, which I of course followed. I did that on my personal account, I think. I also fell in love with branch-chief--faba’s blog. I knew I wanted to make one, to interact and write stories with others, and to understand a character in a new way.

Lusamine. I knew instantly, it had to be Lusamine. She was abusive, she was regretful, she was determined, ambitious, and obsessive; she was possessive, she was brutal, she was tender, she was awful, she was redeemed by the end, and oh my goodness, just such a deep villain. Her facial expressions in-game (Especially that manic smile one) made me certain that she was the character I wanted to RP. Definitely.

At first, things were a little shaky. I didn’t have that many people who wanted to RP with me, and since I didn’t get many Asks due to my low follower count, I didn’t really have anything to do.

But, the numbers climbed steadily, if slowly, and then I went on vacation for the holidays. While there, I started a thread with branch-chief--faba for the first time (Who was super nice and didn’t get bothered by the fact that I had literally no idea what I was doing!!), and posted a couple of Ask memes.

Within a week, I went from like 40 followers? Or maybe 30-50? TO 100. It just happened so quickly, it was crazy. People were being nice, and following, and encouraging me to keep going. I loved it. So I started actually writing things for the blog - Things that were actually pretty long, many, many paragraphs. It was a lot of work, but I didn’t feel exhausted at all - Because people always said nice things when I did! It replenished my energy easily! It became a privilege when someone sent an Ask that allowed me to write something long.

I’ve never thought about stopping the writings I do for this blog.

So what’s the moral of the story here? What does this have to do with your question, you ask?

Well, here’s the thing: Writing is really, really tough. And if you write things that no one sees or compliments - It’s hard to keep going. Really hard, in fact. But here on this blog, it’s easy for me. What I’m trying to say is... Umm...

Don’t do what I did. Don’t just get confused and angry when the words stop coming out for a particular thing you’re writing. No, the story isn’t bad, you’re not a bad writer, it’s just not happening anymore. And if it happens again someday, that’s great, but sometimes it doesn’t. That’s okay too. People grow. Writers grow and , just like all people, and sometimes you realize you don’t want to write that something anymore. Ideas are fluid, and sometimes things change - Your opinions may change, your thought process may grow and you won’t be able to write things anymore, but it’s okay. Don’t force it. And, I can’t stress this enough, get your writing out there. Because if it weren’t for people complementing me, I wouldn’t be writing for this blog. That’s why I do. You’ve all been so amazing and supportive, and if you hadn’t, I would have stopped doing this a long time ago. Don’t worry about getting motivated - Just think about all of the coolest things you plan to write, and then start. Let people see it, put it up online, take constructive criticism. And if at some point you lose motivation? That’s okay! It’s okay! You’re not an awful writer, it might just be time to reconsider things, or take a break, or maybe give up on the story - which isn’t a bad thing at all.

Try your best and you’ll accomplish it!!!