#sorry about your vows. but u can break them once. as a treat.

[nightmarist]

"just this once" oh im SURE david 👀

[its-time-to-write]

Hi!! Thank you for all the amazing writing you do!!! My humble request is of a reader who brings Jamie to meet her family and he’s appalled that someone so kind and gentle is treated w such lack of love/respect (ex: first comment out of her granddad’s mouth is sm about her weight/job/look/etc) and it puts a lot of things about her into perspective. At some point he can’t take it anymore and defends her and then vows to her that he will undo all of that pain and will prove to her she is worthy of all the love:) sorry it’s a long one (got lots of personal experience lol) so no worries if u can’t but it would mean the world thank you!!!

Hi cutie! Here you go! I’m sorry that you have personal experience with this, families can suck sometimes. It’s definitely from Jamie’s POV, so keep that in mind😅 Boy’s a rambler.

stuck by you

Jamie sure knows how to pick them.

No really, he does. He’s always had stellar taste in girlfriends, except usually they have shit taste in men.

It’s different this time, he swears. Keeley swears, too. Swears she’ll break every bone in his body if he so much as looks at you funny, and Jamie… well, Jamie’s not actually terrified of Keeley, just respectful, like.

So he’s going to make sure he doesn’t fuck this up because you’re funny and gorgeous and brilliant and he's also those things, so you’re like a power couple. And when you beg- no, ask, because you only have to ask once- him to come with you for a family event, he says yes without a second thought. 

It’s off-season, but he’d do it in-season in a heartbeat (just with a bit of fear because Ted’s alright, but he’s a little gun-shy since the whole ‘practice’ thing).

It’s also fucking BOILING, so he’s going to wear his least-slutty shorts (it’s a family event) and a shirt that is not see-through. 

He’s not going to fuck this up, not with how sweet you are, how generous, how-

A football hits the side of his head, and he’s brought out of his thoughts. 

“You’re daydreaming, bruv,” comes Isaac’s voice. “What’s the point of a friendly if you can’t even pay attention?”

Jamie gives himself a shake, and he’s firmly in the present. He’s at the mid-off-season-Richmond-party or whatever, and football is a mandatory affair. He makes the mistake of glancing to where you’re standing under a tree in Colin’s backyard and fuck you’re sneaking sweets to the few kids who are flitting around the grass. Fucking Declan and his adorable children. You catch his eye and give him a little wave, and his heart jumps like he’s in primary school and not a world-renowned Premier League athlete. 

Yeah, he’s good and fucked. 

He makes a mental note to get you into bed tonight, he’s pretty sure it won’t be too difficult, but he’s going to have to convince you to leave early. But can you blame him?

(No, no you fucking can’t.)

—

Jamie isn’t nervous to meet your family. Seriously, he isn’t. It’s your family and a) he’s fucking greatwith families and b) he’s fucking great with you. He rocks up with you on his arm, and he’s already making plans for the sundress you’ve got on, mainly how to get in on the floor once you go home. 

You’re both looking fucking fit. Jamie hopes a little bit that someone sneaks a picture of you two and it ends up in the press because this look CANNOT be wasted. 

He almost misses the way your grip tightens as you walk up the steps. He tilts his head in your direction, assessing your expression. 

“You okay?” he asks and receives a tight-lipped smile. 

“Yup,” you reply. “Let’s fucking do this.”

Not the response Jamie was expecting, but he’ll roll with it. You push open the door and walk into the family room and the first thing out of your granddad’s mouth is, “Oh, there she is! Bold of you to wear that dress with the way you’ve been eating, my dear,” and Jamie half-expects you to say something. 

Or for someone to say something. 

Except no one does, they just carry on, and an aunt comes up to you to make a snide comment about your job. 

“You absolutely must be struggling financially dear, but aren’t we all? I just wish I could screw a footballer and have my rent paid.”

She’s gone before Jamie can say anything, and he only needs one look at your face to understand exactly what’s going on. 

You’re not sweet and kind because your family is sweet and kind. Oh no. 

You’re the way you are out of sheer willpower, out of spite; kindness born the way of a weed in concrete. Out of a refusal to die. A decision to be different. 

And it pisses Jamie off. 

He squeezes your hand once, twice, in reassurance, letting you lead him to your parents. He recognizes them from pictures and still retains a vague hope that they’ll be like you. 

Vain, vague hope, but still. 

He catches the way your mum’s lips tighten into a line at your approach, and the way your dad barely suppresses a scoff. 

“Oh look,” your mum says without an ounce of inflection, “you’re here. That’s wonderful.”

“Good to see you mum, dad,” you say with more grace than Jamie would have if the roles were reversed. Your dad holds out his hand to shake yours, barely acknowledging Jamie. Jamie opens his mouth to say something but you clock it, and shoot him a warning glance. 

He freezes and meets your gaze. You shake your head almost imperceptibly and mouth don’t and he almost ignores you, but you’re begging him with your eyes and he swore you’d never have to beg him for anything. 

So he turns away and doesn’t say anything, because he won’t be responsible for breaking you today. 

And it’s just… like that. All day. It’s relentless and he feels powerless to do a single thing except watch as you refuse to let your armor crack, barely letting it dent the surface. 

How did he not know?

It comes to a head when your cousin (a banking twat who Jamie’s certain had a shriveled dick) manages to comment on your weight, (supposed lack of) beauty, and finances in one fell swoop. 

And that’s it. Jamie’s done. 

They want to be pricks? Well, Roy’s been calling him the Prince Prick of all Pricks for fucking years, so let’s fucking go then. 

“Fuck you, you giant limp-dicked twat,” he says with a smile on his face. You freeze, and so does your cousin. 

“What did you just say to me?”

“I said,” Jamie repeats loudly, taking a step closer, “fuck you, you giant. Limp-dicked. Twat.” He punctuates each word with a poke to this arsehole’s chest and fuck, does it feel great. 

He loves you, he’ll respect your wishes moving forward, but he’ll be FUCKED if he lets your family’s behavior continue. What would mummy say?

The entire room has gone silent, and you’ve gone pale. 

But Jamie, Jamie loves an audience. 

“Fuck you all, actually,” he sing-songs, and there are audible gasps. 

Jamie doesn’t give a shit. “You’re all fucking arseholes to my girl, who, by the way, is the fucking best, except you’re all too fucking busy taking shots at her to notice. Don’t know what the fuck she did to all of you, but you can all piss off with that. We’re fucking leaving.” He grabs your hands and pulls you toward the door. 

It’s not like you need much prompting, you’ve been counting down the minutes since you walked in the door. 

“Oh,” he says turning around one last time. “Don’t bother calling. Or writing, or whatever you old twats do, unless it’s an apology for however fucking long you’ve been this shitty. I’ve only got one shit parent, can’t imagine the hell it’s been having two.”

And with that, he ushers you out the door. 

“Jamie,” you gasp as soon as it shuts behind you. “What was that? What were you thinking?”

There’s a strange tightness to your voice, one Jamie’s having trouble placing. 

Or maybe it’s the fact that the sun is setting and it’s tingeing your skin with gold. 

Either way, it’s starting to get to him. “Dunno,” he says with a trace of belligerence. 

You gape at him for a moment before saying, “Can we get in the car, please?”

Jamie says, “Yeah,” and then helps you in, suddenly aware of every bone in his body. 

He swore he wasn’t going to fuck it, and he did. Christ, Keeley’s going to skin him alive. 

He drives in silence the whole way home. You’re just staring straight ahead, and he can tell you’re still processing. Still replaying. You’re better than any VAR, that’s for sure. 

“Jamie,” you say slowly once he’s parked in the driveway. You’ve unbuckled, but you’re still in your seat. “Why did you say all of that?”

Jamie says again, “Dunno,” but you don’t believe him. 

“Why?” you ask again, voice cracking. “It’s not worth it, I’m not worth it.”

And just like that, Jamie understands. 

“You are,” he replies forcefully, except that just makes you cry. 

(He’s pretty sure they’re good tears, though, so he tests it by reaching for your hand. You don’t pull away, which is a good sign.)

“You are worth it,” he says again, in case you didn’t get it the first time. “Shit family’s… it’s shit, babe. I get it, I really fucking do. I’m sorry about them, I really am. And I’m sorry about me, too. Didn’t mean to say ‘fuck’ so many times, suppose I’m around Roy too much.”

That succeeds in lightening the mood, and you smile ever so slightly. 

He says, “They don’t deserve you,” which just makes you laugh. 

“I know,” you reply. “I just always wanted them to be a good family.”

Jamie hesitates. He knows what you mean. 

Finally he says, “People don’t change like that, love. It’s almost- hardwired into them. They get fucking stuck and you can’t change them, no matter what you do. Sometimes you just gotta let them go.”

You nod and take a deep breath. Easier said than done, you suppose. 

Jamie cups your cheek. “I’m with you, babe. It’s you, me, and whatever family we can put together. We’ll put in the work, yeah? Be different.”

“Yeah,” you echo, “we’ll be different.”

[theredsuzuran]

Yandere Muzan x Reader

I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors, also for my crappy writing I hope It does not bore you lol. Slight mention of gore

It was the time of summer

A multitude of people hovering over one another in the vast space of the lively Asakusa city occupying the streets like tiny ants. Unfortunately it was same monotonous sight for kibutsuji Muzan progenitor of the morbid demon race, who seems to be roaming around uninterestingly looking for a suitable prey to hunt. The fleeting lives of mortals, their compassion, happiness, sorrow, pain held no value to him. They are pests who belong in the dirt or beneath his feet, inferior compare to a perfect being like himself. Nothing more than a tool that he won't hesitate to discard after his desires are fulfilled. All of a sudden his gaze felt upon a petite figure near a tailor shop, a large number of people gathering around her.

What's the matter, mister? Muzan inquired to a man next to him.

"if you are new definitely try her kimonos, now make way" the man said quickly as he rushed to the shop pushing all the people away. He was interested to know what the deal was about so he decided to stay for a while hoping it's worth the wait.

After a long delay muzan finally got the chance to view the women. As their eyes locked the dazzling city lights broader than the day itself felt dull in comparison for a moment, the once monochromatic world seems to change vibrantly with her luminous presence, As if goddess Amaterasu, the diety of sun herself have ascended from the heaven into the mortal realm. The demon lord stood there mesmerized by her breathtaking beauty, how can someone so close to perfection exist alongside those barbarians.

"How can I help you mister?" She questioned politely with her soft vocal. His endless thoughts were interrupted breaking the silence.

"Show me your kimonos"

And so his obsession started..

Days passed since his last encounter with the woman. He have come across numerous marvelous humans in everlasting lengthy life but never have his ruby eyes caught a glimpse of someone as alluring as her. The girl possesses an unique aura that differentiated her from the rest of the crowd, able to draw attention from the cold hearted creator of cannibalistic demons. At first muzan was just curious to know about that woman, possibly persuade her to become one of his underling because of the potentials she may carry. He frequently begun to visit her shop to but or sew different fabrics. Gaining basic information, like her name, likes and dislikes, etc. Her grandfather owned the tailor shop which sold finest quality garments from the beginning and were highly respected for their excellent tailoring. Continued by (y/n) at her family's will, who runs the shop with equal undying devotion.

She treated him with such kindness even though he was a ruthless demon not that she knew about it or let alone the existence of demons. The deepest corner of his dark heart illuminated with pure light whenever she was around and he came to the conclusion that she was the ray of sunshine he desires to perceive. Eversince he was cured from his fatal illness the only goal in his life was to conquer the sun which prevents him to achieve absolute perfection, in order to live an eternal and indestructible life or so he thought until that very day his eyes laid upon you. It would be stupid to think that demons are capable of experiencing love, concepts of feelings are completely foreign in their conciousness, it was more like obsession. His megalomania makes him believe he needs you no he wants you.

Alas, if only it was a fairytale. The king does not always gets what he desires and same goes for the demon lord when he finds out that his beloved darling already has a lover. As he witnessed the sight of you hugging your partner with passion. The way her eyes flutter infront of him when he caresses her cheeks making her turn away bashfully and how she hold his hand with her delicate ones while exchanging vows of love and loyalty towards each other made his blood boiled with fury. If anyone who can hold her fragile frame is none other but the demon lord himself yet there she was sharing intimacy with some filthy creature. His narcissistic self was put down with a lowlife, he cannot accept that his (y/n) was claimed someone else's. It was something he would never allow to happen.

"Kibutsuji san would you like to buy something today as well?" The women who now acknowledge his presence asked him cheerfully.

"Should I visit you later" a force smile graced on his pale features.

"Oh no, it's fine, let me introduce you to my fiancee" she said excitedly.

"Nice to meet you kibutsuji san" your fiancee said

"Pleasure to meet you as well" The demon scoffed under his breath but Kibutsuji was quite adamant he knew it was not hard to turn the tables anytime sooner as with a blink of an eye he can get rid of him by simply ordering his underlings without even hesitating to dirty his hands exclusive for his precious darling. But that was not what muzan was planning to do at all as his mind was engulfed with much sinister thoughts.

To insanity?

"You have been restless for a long time, what's wrong my child?" A man asked with a look of concern written all over his face looking straight at the figure of an anxious woman roaming around impatiently within the house.

"Its been a week father since he last wrote a letter to him" she mumbled softly disappointment painted across her features. The father could not help but laugh a little by her daughter's remark.

"Father please it is serious"

"I am sorry sweetheart but it might be that your fiancee is busy with wedding preparation" which made sense because the wedding would be taking place after three day and it was obvious that he was caught up with the arrangement. However there was a strange feeling inside her stomach which made her believe otherwise.

As the days passed the wedding day came close, with (y/n) still not receiving any message from her lover. Worried her to the core at this point all she wanted was to make sure of his safety as something constantly felt off. The guests came in one by one for the wedding ceremony but there was no sign of the groom.

It was getting unbearable for her to remain confined. Ignoring her father's request to stay inside she went outside in hope to check whether or not her lover was approaching but once again she was greeted with emptiness. Her eyes swell up with tears forming on both corners allowing her body to slowly hit the surface as she convinced herself that her lover will never come. The worst was yet to happen and before she could make any movement the ground beneath her feet started shaking and a shoji door opened consuming her into the darkness.

It was just the start of her miserable life under the demon's control.

"So you are finally awake", a sudden voice came echoing into her eyes as she slowly opened her eyes after regaining her consciousness. She moved her hands upwards in order to ease the headache only to find her hands tied up with shackles, a chilling sensation of overwhelming fear filled her entire senses as she remembered what happened prior.

"Where am I? Why am I chained?" Who are you?" she demanded furiously at the mysterious figure infront her which was now advancing at her direction from the dark corner of the dimly litted room.

"You are quite an impatient one?" The man gripped her chin roughly as her eyes protruded out with bewilderment.

"Can't even remember your daily customer?" A wicked smile curved across his countenance.

"K..Kibutsuji san" she parted her lips. Tears forming in her eyes once again. This made muzan even more irritated as he tightened his grip on her chin. (Y/n) whimpered with pain crying out loud.

"Your shouting won't help dear nobody apart from me can hear you scream" he said bluntly with his cold apathetic voice.

"Why?" (Y/n) lowered her head down holding his hand with her delicate ones trying her best to get a hold of him.

"Pardon?" Muzan inquired as he stared at your quivering form with his souless eyes there was no empathy in them or whatsoever although he felt pity. He cannot deny the fact that he was indeed attracted to her that's the reason why he put her into so much hassles.

"Where is my lover?" She asked sternly with her voice shaking a bit.

"Oh" muzan responded his hand still holding her chin tightly. This made her even more anxious she was unaware of the power he might possess and definitely she didn't had any intentions to risk her life.

"Why can't you humans move on and accept circumstances given before you?" it startled her as she cannot process what he meant.

"I don't.. u..understand" she said.

"Then you have to learn to accept me as your partner" muzan replied coldly (y/n) sat there looking at him with disbelief her heart and soul belonged to someone else and for a long time they have been together it's absolutely impossible to change the reality she was accustomed with just because some maniac wants to make her his partner.

"I can never" she murmured with disgust hinted in her voice. "I love him" throwing daggers in his direction not ready to submit her futile attempts of protest should pissed the demon lord even more but to her surprise she saw him smiling menacingly and in the corner of her eyes she saw the figure of her debilitate lover.

"Start from his fingers" muzan ordered one of his subordinate as they began chopping one of his finger making him scream in pain.

"No! please don't hurt him" trying to break free from the shackles she was tied with realizing it was fruitless she fell on the demon's knee begging with all the strength left within her in a last desperate attempt.

"You left me with no other choice, dear" he explained playing his sick games of manipulation on her. This was exactly what he needed to break her mind and she cannot help but rely on him pleading for his forgiveness feeding on his massive ego providing him ultimate satisfaction to witness the quivering frame of his darling clinging onto his knee in pure submission.

"Please I will do anything you say" she requested shaking like crazy.

"Anything?" Muzan questioned raising his eyebrow

"Yes" she replied without any hesitation.

"Be mine"

She already knew that he wanted this and she readily obliged in order to save her beloved, sacrificing her own life. Her only purpose was now to satisfy the demon lord, he was successful until the very end and it won't take long to make her completely his.

[chosonore]

pairing: noritoshi kamo x f!reader

warnings: nsfw, oral sex, fingering, noritoshi is mean, begging, edging, biting? (he gives u a bite like once)

wordcount: 1.6k

here's a little (not so little LMAO) extended snippet of the little thing i showed @sukirichi !! at this point my doc is already at 3k words and it's just gonna become a mammoth of a series probably dhfusedsfkjf ENJOY

and you swear that he knows, he just has to know what a mess he's already made of you in such a short amount of time as he asks, "what's wrong hm? what do you need, baby?" and you fall for it, hook line and sinker. you think to yourself, fuck it, the opportunity is right there. he may be an insufferable dick and you might fight more than you get along but the opportunity is there and god, do you want to be selfish. you lean up to kiss him but he pulls back, clicking his tongue, repeating again and this time more firmly, "what do you need?" you can't help but stare at him, how his slightly damp hair frames his face, his chest that was exposed by the loosely tied bathrobe and how it revealed parts of his thigh. you want to see more of him, touch him. there's a burning feeling inside your chest, it's clawing at your skin, trying to break free. you grow more restless as he stays still and gives you a stern look until you grasp the hem of his sleeves and whimper quietly, "please kiss me."

it feels like an eternity until he presses his lips against yours, everything that is so unmistakably him floods your senses. his scent wraps around you until your brain can't make out any more coherent thoughts other than him. 'toshi, 'toshi, 'toshi, your 'toshi. he moves so languidly; his lips are warm and soft but bruising at the same time, kissing you with fervour. you begin to ease into the kiss, letting go of all your inhibitions. you could worry about it later, you'd decided, this is a future you problem. you wiggle in his hold, hands coming up to push at his bathrobe. noritoshi doesn't budge and continues to kiss you, sucking your bottom lip - your hands become more restless, desperate to touch him. he makes an unenthused noise, biting your bottom lip as if warning you to not push him. still, he somehow obliges and sits back on his heels, taking his bathrobe off and throwing it haphazardly to the side.

he looks ethereal, somewhere in the distance you think you can hear angels singing. you reach out to touch him again, earning you yet another warning glance from him. “where do you get the confidence to do whatever you want after that little stunt you pulled earlier?” he questions you in a low voice. whatever snarky remark you had on your tongue is thrown out of the window when noritoshi leans down to touch you, slowly pushing your oversized shirt up to reveal your shorts, then your bra. your breath hitches in your throat, you can’t tell what he’s thinking because even in this state he keeps his perfect poker face on. and when he undresses you, you almost feel embarrassed of how eager you were to rid yourself of your clothes. yet you feel exposed - noritoshi doesn’t make a sound as he just studies you as if you’re a luxurious meal presented on a silver plate, the sound of his breathing alone makes you squirmish. he doesn’t give you the satisfaction of a compliment nor does he let you know what he thinks, instead leaning down to kiss you again.

before you can deepen the kiss, he’s already moved down to your neck. you mewl in disappointment, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your hands in his hair. this time, he lets you touch him, too absorbed in his mission to paint the skin of your neck in hues of red and purple. noritoshi moves lower when he’s finally satisfied with his work of art, you’re a great canvas, he thinks to himself. the burning feeling in your chest is flaring up again, you feel uncomfortably hot and the only relief you get is him touching you. he must know, he’s doing this on purpose. you’re convinced. a surprised gasp leaves your lips when his tongue swipes across your nipple before wrapping his lips around it. his fingers flick the other one and- oh god does it feel so electrifying, so delicious, so good. you moan his name, gently tugging on his hair as he continues his ministrations. “noritoshi,” you whimper, trying to grind against his thighs. “please- please touch me.” he moves faster than you can react, snapping the waistband of your panties against your skin.

“i am touching you,” noritoshi responds matter-of-factly, cupping your breasts. “is this not enough?” you shake your head, making him chuckle. he takes his sweet time, lathering your chest with the utmost attention. at this point you’re sure you’ve soaked through your panties and onto the sheets and you’re desperate. finally, his lips leave your nipple, his breath grazing them, making you shiver. he seems to enjoy it, enjoy the effect he has on you, how you’re writhing for him and him only. with swift movements, he removes your panties and your legs are thrown over his shoulders - how are his shoulders so broad - and he’s pressing kisses to your inner thighs. “look at you,” he coos, glancing up at you. “you’re so wet for me and i haven’t even touched you here yet. are you craving me?”

“yes,” you mewl truthfully, wiggling your hips slightly. you miss how his face lights up in delight, loving how you’re slowly but surely coming undone for him. he’s placing kisses everywhere but where you want him, where you need him. you’re at his mercy, he alone decides the pace. the desperate little tugs at his hair leave him unbothered, you can’t even move properly because he’s keeping a tight grip on your hips, holding them down onto the mattress. “do you want me?” you nod quickly. “then beg.”

"i'm not- i'm not gonna fucking b-" you don't get to finish your sentence as noritoshi gives your inner thigh a bite. "language," he hisses in irritation. "we can do this all night, baby. i don't have any qualms about keeping you here, making you squirm until you know not to treat me like that." to emphasize his threat, his hands languidly stroke your inner thighs, inching closer to your heat. goosebumps raise across your skin. noritoshi pays no mind to your laboured breathing or how you stare at him in disbelief. you would not beg him more than this, this stupid asshole, who does he think he is to expect you to do as he says? as if sensing that your attention wasn't on him anymore, one of his hands reached up to pinch your nipple.

you feel his fingers grazing your pussy, flicking over your clit but not quite touching it. yet the pleasure, coupled with the sharp pain of his pinching, is enough to make you delirious. you moan his name, hips rutting up slightly to meet his hand. noritoshi pulls away abruptly and makes you whine in frustration. "noritoshi!" you whimper again, closing your eyes in embarrassment. "please just- just touch m-" you feel another, harder pinch, tingles shooting straight to your core. "look at me," noritoshi growls and you open your eyes quickly, not wanting to disappoint him again.

"please touch me, please just… i need you, need your lips or fingers," you struggle to find the right words, huffing in frustration at your weak attempt to persuade him. "please make me cum, please. i'll be good for you, i promise, i promise. wanna be good for you." a sardonic smile graces noritoshi's lips, your begging music to his ears. he almost wishes you could see yourself like this - the yearning evident in your eyes, your beet red cheeks. what would you say? how quickly your resolve had crumbled, even though you'd vowed to yourself to keep him at an arm's length away from you. what's more heavenly to his ears are your moans and he intended to draw every last bit out of you tonight.

when his tongue finally makes contact with your cunt, a loud moan leaves your lips, you almost sob in relief. your thighs tremble slightly, threatening to close but noritoshi's quick to pry them open and delves deeper into your heat. he alternates between lapping at your folds, then dragging his tongue across your clit before giving it a suck. your hips rock against his face, meeting his movements as if it was already second nature to them. you think you see stars when you inch closer to your climax. tugging at his hair you whimper out his name, letting him know that you're close, so close. that's when he pulls away, smirking at you as your high slowly ebbs away. you make a noise in protest, brows pinching in frustration but noritoshi just coos at you condescendingly. 

"you seem to forget who's in control here," he tsks at you, dragging his thumb across your clit. your hips jerk. "but, baby, you look so pitiful, i might just feel sorry for you." hope sparks in your eyes when he presses a brief kiss to your lips before slipping his fingers past your folds, his thumb drawing circles on your clit. "ride my fingers," he commands and you react immediately, eagerly rutting against his fingers. you miss the dark glint in his eyes, the look that tells you you're not easily let off the hook whatsoever.

[jaminjims]

bts 8th member {imagine}

a/n: ok so this was the child of my 1-5am mind that was running off of chips ahoy cookies and diet root beer, and honestly?? kinda proud of myself lmao. i felt like i was kinda lacking with my boys au update this week and i wanted to feed you guys with more content so, here you go! (also sorry if it’s a little rushed, i just started writing and didn’t stop) i lob ya’ll 

pairing: bts x reader (it’s sorta implied as a m!reader bc bts is a boy group and i refer to you as he maybe twice throughout, but it can be read as any gender! although i do make you refer to the older boys as hyung. you can also read it as ot7 but you don’t have to, there are fluffy moments between everyone)

genre: pretty angsty but also pretty fluffy

warnings: panic attack, loneliness, anxiety medication, brief mention of insomnia, extreme dieting, sleep medication 

words: 4.2k

~**~

you trained in bighit for two years before you were put into a group and you could easily say that those years were probably the hardest of your life

in the beginning, you were ecstatic to be accepted because being an idol was your dream, even if it was a small company. you had lost count how many times you dreamed about debuting and just making people (who you couldn’t wait to call your fans) happy

over time, you wouldn't say you lost your drive to continue, but your bright outlook on the future dimmed and the pressure of everything had begun to build up and it had gotten really hard

you had to train everyday: singing lessons, dancing lessons, exercising. and on top of that? you also had to study for school and continue to get good grades

after all, that was your parents only rule if you wanted to become an idol

your parents were also happy for you, but if they also became worried. because being away from home and the pressure of school and training without the fact they could look after you, it worried them to no end

they called you everyday and asked how you were doing, and you would tell them the truth about how you missed them so much that it almost hurt and if you were eating a lot (if your training even aloud it) and that you were staying hydrated and healthy

and sometimes, you were worried about yourself too

there have been multiple times that you thought you were going to break, how you thought you couldn’t continue to live like this because you weren't aloud to eat much and the classes and school work and just everything began to pile up 

but this was your dream, and no one said it was going to be easy

that's the thought that kept you believing in the future, kept you believing in yourself. all of your hard work was going to pay off and you knew it was going to be worth it

right?

the times when you sang so much your throat went raw, the times when you danced so much to the point of exhaustion, and then collapsed but didn’t eat enough afterward. those were the hardest 

your parents came close to pulling you out of training more times than you could keep track of

but you persisted. you had already made it this far, what's the point of dropping out now?

the first year of training was exhausting, but you were so proud of yourself because this was the hardest task you had ever done and you were getting through it!

the second year though, was probably worse than the first. that was the year when you really started to miss your family, and with trainee's constantly coming in and out of the dorms, you really had no one to connect with 

there were nights where you would cry yourself to sleep because of everything

it didn't help when your trainers put you in remedial classes, because you were pretty good at dancing, but not so much at singing

the extra classes got in the way of your school work, and more often than not, you found yourself missing at least two classes a week because of them

but it was ok, you told yourself. if you had made it this far and gave up, then what would the last year of training be? 

but there are only so many times you could tell yourself that before the words started to lose their meaning and you had come so close to dropping out because a person could only have so many anxiety attacks and meltdowns before they just broke completely

but it was like something looked down on you and suddenly: the moment was there. you were put into a group and immediately cried on the spot then and there, even when the others in the dorms could see 

you had called your parents right after and were so happy, you couldn’t even get the words out and they could only half understand you

you knew it was going to be worth it and even though you almost aloud yourself to give up, you would be willing to do it all again

that's when you vowed to yourself: you were never going to give this up for anything

and even though you didn’t get the grades your parents really expected of you, it was ok

you were here, you made it 

meeting the rest of the bts members for the first time was something that you would always remember, and even though you would come to laugh at the first meeting with them in the future, it was hella embarrassing 

“hello, my name is y/n. please treat me kindly and i look forward to working with you.” 

well, at least that's what you tried to say

instead it came out more like this: “hello. y/n. nice working kindly with you, please treat me forwardly.”

yeah, you die every time you think about it. the look on their faces as you flush in embarrassment would become the faces of your paralysis demons for months afterward because god could you seriously be any more socially awkward?

the answer to that question was: of course you could!

even though you weren't the shyest (that would probably go to the youngest, jungkook) you were probably the one to mess up the most and then think about it in the most inopportune of times

like for example, it was one of your first dance practices together and you were thinking so hard about not messing up anything, you ran into the door on the way out of the practice room after it was over 

yeah, this time most of the members couldn’t hold back their laughs, and even though you knew it wasn't to make fun of you, you still flushed the color of crimson because christ what the hell is wrong with your brain function? 

your face was probably two shades redder permanently because of the amount of embarrassing moments you had still have

 that was probably the reason you become closer to jungkook first because (excluding the fact that the both of you were close in age, you only one year older) you were both the shyest

also, videogames who? ya’ll know her very well 

most of you and jungkook’s bonding moments came from your mutual love of videogames and the relationship was THRIVING 

“hey wanna play minecraft?” “kook it's two am.” “well then why are you still awake?” “to see how long it would take you to ask me to play minecraft. i already have the server open.” you both would then probably get blown up by creepers and you would yell before one of the others came scolded you both for staying up way to late and making noise

and once you bonded with jungkook, it was only natural that the rest of you bonded too (sharing a room does that to people)

when you were practicing the i need u choreo, for some reason your timing was off and you knew that but you just didn’t know where it went wrong and that one mistake was driving you crazy 

dancing was the thing you were supposed to be good at and that fact that you kept messing up weighed hard on you and made you lose confidence

but it was hoseok who had found you hours after practice had ended, laying down with your arms across your face because you were just so frustrated with yourself that you felt like crying and at this point hoseok had known you long enough that you weren’t the type to ask for help even if you needed it

“y/n, you ok?” 

“hyung, i-” you choked up and you got even angrier at yourself because are you really crying over this? 

hoseok rushed to your side and helped you sit up, but you didn't take your hands off your face 

he instead took your hands in his gently and swayed them back and forth, “yah~ it’s going to be alright.” he gave you a the hobi smile and you couldn’t help but lighten up 

he pulled you up and together the both of you practiced until jin forced you to come home and sleep because “they had already missed dinner, god damnit.”

you nailed the choreo almost every time after that

or when you were recording vocals for spring day and you kept messing up and your voice kept cracking and the other guys had already gone to their lunch break while you were still sitting in the studio, practicing your lines

the other seven sat in the practice room eating and got worried that you were going to miss lunch altogether so they nominated jimin to go collect you because they knew that you weren't confident in your voice even though they told you almost everyday that it was amazing

jimin walked in on you singing your part in the song and smiled at how smooth your voice sounded but then frowned when you suddenly stopped and cursed because “why can’t i sing? what the hell y/n.”

you had yet to see jimin enter the recording studio but you defineitly felt when he wrapped his hands around your torso in a comforting gesture

you relaxed in his hold and sighed out as he whispered in your ear, “your voice is perfect and it fits you y/n-ah. it’s going to be ok.” 

you teared up and turned around in his hold and properly hugged him. “i love you hyung.” 

and you really did, you loved all of them 

and you pride yourself on being the one that helps every one and makes sure they are doing alright, mentally and physically 

you would get scolded by your hyung's and occasionally by the maknae that you should look after yourself better and that it wasn’t your job to always look after everyone, even more so if you are younger 

like when you stay up late to wait up for yoongi to comeback from his studio even into the early mornings, and when he doesn’t you bring food and go to him instead because “i’m here for you hyung. and it's been awhile since I've seen you.” “it’s been four hours, y/n” “yeah, four hours to long.”

but he would eat the food you bring him anyway because he secretly likes your visits and wouldn’t trade them for anything

he always asks you if you’re ok though, “you getting enough sleep?” “why are you up so late?” 

you always answer honestly, “i’ve been staying up really late to get things done when i was a trainee, so i’m used to it. it kinda just happens now.”

he frowns but can’t really fault you because he does the same thing sometimes. but still, he doesn’t stan sleep depraviety 

or when namjoon gets stressed before interviews (it doesn't happen as much recently but it did when they were younger) especially ones where he had to speak english

you would always give him massages and reassure him that everything will be fine and that he was the best leader he could've asked for 

the way joon smiles with his dimples gets you melting every time and you can’t stop yourself from poking him and calling him cute just to tease him, even though he’s older

he always gets this blush on his face and swats at your hands, but he never does lose his smile

you try your best to learn english because you want to take some of his stress away and help him in any way you can 

and it’s because you all try to help and build up each other in any way you can, is why you all work so well and just flow together 

like how you and tae just casually switch clothes sometimes because “y/n has the best fasion sense in bts” and you because you just like the way he smells (which, for the love of god, you will never admit to him, or anybody, outloud) 

“hey y/n have you seen my purple hoodie?” then he would walk out of his room to see you covered in his hoodie eating ramen and smiles “never mind, i’ll just wear your white one” and then it’ll be your turn to smile

or when you assist jin in the kitchen because you actually really love cooking too and you two end up goofing off 

“hyung the pasta is gonna burn!” “aish, then stop distracting me with your childish antics!” “oh did you hear something? must be the wind.” and both of your laughter would echo out, making the other members smile and sometimes laugh along with you 

you’re also a regular on eatjin and army just love seeing the interactions between you two

but as much as you all get along, there are still many fights that happen because no relationship is perfect

it gets really stressful when you see members fight with each other because you have never been the one for conflict and would choose to avoid it when you could. you would always apologize first because you had a weak heart and hated when anyone was mad or upset at you

but sometimes the stress and pressure get to much and there are moments where they can't help but blow up at each other 

“damn it! why can’t you get this move right!” someone would say, after doing the dance for the fourth time 

“i’m learning it just like you are! calm down!” 

it would sometimes stop there and the two occupants would apologize and they would continue to work, helping each other when needed. other times it would escalate and you would sit and watch because what could you do?  

it would usually be one of the older ones to calm everyone down but practice would be cut short and there would be this tension in the air that felt suffocating and it comes to a point where you or someone else would end up speaking up and force the two to talk but they would become stronger and more understanding after the fight, because that's who they were and how they worked

but those were only small fights and you have only initiated them enough times to count on one hand, but the big fights are the ones who leave you feeling drained and powerless because you were never one show big acts of emotion so when you did you felt tired afterward

a big fight that you were apart of that really impacted your relationship with he wrest of the members happened all the way back in 2017 

you were more jumpy the past few months and the members knew you didn't get barely any sleep 

they also knew that you had been under fire from the media and haters because of a false rumor, and haters had been constantly pointing out your flaws and every little thing they could find wrong with you 

you had also lost a lot of weight and that's what really hurt them, they felt like they were slowly losing you and they had tried to bring it up with you a thousand times before, but you would just brush them off and tell that you were ok when they could clearly see that you weren’t 

it was when you fainted during a costume change in a concert that they drew the line

you had woken up later back in the dorm with about a million messages on your phone from news sites and family (and of course the other members to check on you to see if you were awake yet)

“y/n suddenly disappears from concert” “does y/n really care about army?” 

those where only a few titles that he saw on articles and it only added fuel to the fire for the false rumors and hate

you had sat on your bed that you presumed the medics dropped you off at and based on the time, it had been about an hour and a half and the concert should be wrapping up soon

and you cried.

the rumors, the hate, the other members treating you like you would break any moment. you were letting people down and oh my god, you actually were breaking and couldn't stop it 

it was already hard thinking about letting the fans down because they were your everything and you would go to any length to make them happy

but also letting your members down? your parents? 

that was excruciating 

because you had found seven other boys that you had grown so close to that you could count on but what were you if they couldn’t count on you?

when they came back after the concert all worn out and tired, their first thought was still about you and if you were ok 

the maknae line almost broke down in tears at the sight of your sleeping form and how it was very much apparent that you had cried. so much that your eyes were red and puffy and you had a deep frown on your face even in sleep

the hyung’s left to talk when the maknae’s got into your bed with you nd held you because they were legitimately scared that they wouldn’t see you again when you collapsed (jimin on your left, jungkook on your right, and taehyung after jimin) 

hobi was the first to speak when they closed your bedroom door. “we need to force him to do something.” 

namjoon sighed, “that might make it worse, hyung.” 

“well the medic said, just by looking at y/n, that he was malnourished and sleep deprived! i-i don’t know what to do!” his voice cracked and he went to sit on the couch, seokjin sitting down next to him to try to provide any comfort he could 

there was a silence that followed the group after the outburst and finally yoongi whispered out. “i’m so scared.” 

it was tired and broken and they all felt the same way he did

jin and hoseok fell asleep on the couch together while namjoon and yoongi retired to their own bedrooms, to tired from the events of the day 

everyone had woken up before you did and the somber mood from yesterday still permeated the air 

it was the most you slept in two months.

when you woke up, you probably felt worse than before

your face was swollen, your head was pounding, you were starving, and just all around miserable 

the members somewhat knew what you were going through. they knew that you felt like you had let the fans down and they were very conscious of the hate you were getting right now 

when you walked into the kitchen at eleven (all activities halted for the day. another thing that was your fault.) the rest of the boys were sitting around the table, talking about the best way to help you 

you had simply walked in and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, trying to avoid the others because you knew the conversation that was coming and you weren’t looking forward to it 

jin saw you first and got up from his chair and gently held your wrist to prevent you from leaving

“come here, you need to eat y/n-ah.” he said softly. he then pulled you over to the table, and you let him 

everyone went quiet and you just simply put your head down on the table because what could you say? that you were fine? because it was very obvious you weren’t 

when jin came back with a plate of food, he gently massaged your neck until you sat up and taehyung sitting on your other side held your hand

jin feed you himself when you made no move to and they were happy to see you eat more than you usually did, but not enough to fully sustain you 

when he saw you wouldn’t eat anymore, jin sighed and pushed the food away. he went back to massaging your neck as you put your head back down on the table 

namjoon spoke up from across you, “how are you feeling?” he spoke softly 

“mm head hurts.” your voice was raspy and even softer 

“we need to talk to you.” yoongi then said and this was the moment you were dreading the most 

they tried to get you to talk about how you were feeling mentally and tried to be there for you but when namjoon brought up doctors and medication is when you broke 

you even surprised yourself when you started yelling (this was probably the first time you really did at them)

“i’m already messed up enough as it is! i don’t need more flaws that will just bring everyone down! is that what you really think? that i’m that messed up?” 

they tried so hard to keep calm but you were slowly driving yourself insane and what you were saying was also just so hurtful that they couldn’t help but get heated back 

jimin was quick to catch you when you started swaying on your feet because your head was still pounding and it was getting hard to breathe and you couldn’t focus on anything, the others voices blurring together around you 

you had to lean back against him and you heard him say something but you couldn’t make out what it was because you couldn’t breathe and your lungs were heaving because you needed air

the voices around you became softer and there were hands trying to sooth you but nothing was working

it wasn’t until there was a soft whisper that you heard in your ear from someone that told you to “breathe for me y/n. please breathe for me baby.” 

you then took a big breath and then another and another and the others began to breathe again too once they realized your panic attack was over 

you couldn't help the sobs that escaped you and it was just so heart broken and scared that others teared up with you 

hoseok hugged you from the front as jimin was still supporting you from the back and you clung to him. “i’m so scared” and “i’m sorry”  were the only two phrases you could seem to get out at the moment 

“it’s not your fault. it never will be your fault.” and they would feel guilty because they knew you just needed help and they couldn’t fault you for getting upset because the media could be so harsh 

it got even worse when you would later admit that you just didn’t want to bring them down because of course you would think like that. them before you, always 

so they stayed by your side every waking second and became even more clingy if possible because dammit, it was ok to let yourself be takin care for once and a while and this time they were going to make you take care of yourself before you took care of them 

when you were diagnosed with anxiety and sleep medication, they were with you every step of the way and made sure that you were taking them properly because they knew you still were against the idea of taking medication. it had the chance of getting out, and the media didn’t look kindly upon idols who had to resort to such 

jungkook would be the one, more often than not, to make sure you take them, and on bad nights the only thing that would get you to comply is when he would say “if you take them it will help me sleep better.” 

and it always worked because he knew you would do anything to make sure they were happy

the road to recovery was hard and there were of course ups and downs but at the end of the day, you had them and you couldn't imagine what your life would be like if you didn’t

the fights, the laughter, the crying, you would go through it all again if it meant you would get to stay with them

life as an idol wasn’t easy, but with them, it was just that much easier and you couldn’t ask for a better family 

yeah, they were your family 

and when you stood up on that stage, tearing up to see all yours fans chanting your names, you knew this was worth it

because you had made it, you built yourselves from the ground up and had loyal fans that would do almost anything for you and that support was worth more than anything 

so no longer was your dream to just become an idol and have fans. no, it was so much bigger than that 

you evolved and your dream along with you

you truly loved your fans and more than that, the family and community you had helped create along with the rest of these amazing boys that you were proud to call your everything 

so standing up on that stage, you cried tears of joy because in this moment, there was no place you would rather be 

and afterward you all would cuddle, because who wouldn’t love that, right?

[end]

end note: this was seriously too long and i enjoyed writing this wayyy to much. like i seriously made myself cry?? the part with the panic attack?? i swear i almost ugly sobbed omfg. also, would anyone be interested in seeing other parts to this? like i would absolutely love to take requests for this and make it a mini series if ya’ll are interested in something like that. i just love you guys to much lmao 

also sorry if there was any mistakes, apparently i like writing at ass o'clock in the morning where my one braincell can barely function so there are probably many of them, but i was just so excited to get this out and so i didn’t read over it jsfjkgb

~**~ masterlist

taglist: @boba-tea1206​

[bigskydreaming]

Uh.....if you mash together pre-Reboot and New 52 continuities the way we all just tend to do anyway, you know who would have just as much to say about Bruce resuscitating the Joker after Dick killed him in Last Laugh?

Duke. Who does the math and realizes, wait, the fucking clown was actually DEAD, like, game over, the world rid of the problem that is him and the shit he does....and Bruce...actively cancelled this out, whereas if he’d stopped his OWN kneejerk reactions long enough to realize that reviving the Joker wouldn’t erase what Dick had done or lessen Dick’s awareness that he’d crossed that line, literally all it would accomplish is to have all of that remain true WHILE bringing the Joker back into the world and thus creating more potential victims of his in the future?

Victims like....Duke’s parents.

Aka can someone please drag Bruce Wayne’s butt to therapy because his complete inability to bend or budge on the specific issue of killing has 

1) caused his eldest son no shortage of severely debilitating emotional issues all stemming from his deep-seated fear of losing his father’s love due to situations like with the Joker and with Blockbuster 

2) caused and perpetuated his continued estrangement from his second son, whose actual literal death was so devastating to Bruce he was in real danger of getting himself killed before Tim came along and yet upon his actual return from the grave, still took backseat to Bruce’s fixation on a rule he set FOR HIMSELF long ago, because it was always made fairly clear that Jason could have been persuaded to change his methods in regards to fighting all other crimes if Bruce could find a way to make an exception in regards to the Joker, who has hurt all of their family so often and so severely, and that’s not even getting into the shit with the Penguin in RHATO

3) contributed to his third son’s feelings of estrangement and not being deserving of a place in Bruce’s family, in the aftermath of Tim’s entirely understandable DESIRE to see his father’s murderer dead, without even Tim actually acting on it before earning Bruce’s judgment, and with a likely extension and continuation of this divide being evident in how opposed Tim is to going to Bruce for help whenever Ra’s pops up again to be all “I’m outside ur house in the bushes spying on u thru the window, will u join me in remaking the world in our - sorry that’s a lie, I meant my - image, plz check y/n,” because again quite understandably, Tim fears being caught in the middle of Ra’s and Bruce’s ideological war because he’s afraid of Bruce deciding its because Tim is more open to what Ra’s says than he actually is, and the conflicts that could arise from that

4) almost destroyed any chance of a healthy and loving relationship between he and his youngest son before they even got a chance to start one, due to his own issues with a past Damian had literally no ability to opt out of, even if he had been given alternative viewpoints to the morality of killing, as taught to him by the League - Damian was a ten year old child who could not be expected to have the resources to leave the League and their expectations for him, without help, even if he had previously been able to conceive of a way of life other than the one laid out for him from birth

5) I don’t even know where to start with Cass and the whole shit with Deathstroke and like....I just. Yeah

6) As noted at the start of the post, had Bruce simply not intervened to resuscitate the Joker, like didn’t even need to kill him himself, like if he had simply NOT BROUGHT HIM BACK TO LIFE (like and people wonder why Dick was so convinced Bruce would judge him for not stepping between Blockbuster and a bullet to save that villain’s life when not even a year prior, Bruce had established the precedent that apparently in his mind, if there was even a possibility of resuscitating an already dead villain with a body count like the Joker’s, that was apparently what needed to be done)....but like....no Joker after the Last Laugh, no Jokerized Thomases a few years later....not to mention how that could have altered the chain of events that unfolded with Jason’s return and attempt to get Bruce to kill someone who would now already be dead.

Like....Bruce. Buddy. Pal. This vow you made - again, for YOURSELF - to never kill in any scenario, because YOU were afraid that YOU wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from doing it again, and again and again...it might have been born from a place of good intentions, but the stringent, utterly inflexible way you apply it to your own family, with zero allowance for context, let alone exceptions, is actively hurting them in any number of ways, AND HAS BEEN FOR YEARS.

You need to get some nuance. Nobody’s saying YOU yourself have to go out and start gunning people down, but there have to be room for more opinions on this than just yours...especially when it comes to the choices OTHER people make on this matter, for born of THEIR moral compasses. Your moral compass has allowed you to give yourself a pass on some pretty fucked up things, so you need to just NOT, with the whole treating it as the be all and end all of Right and Wrong.

I mean in my professional opinion, of course.

Also also also, I would just like to point out that another factor that in my mind, makes the Last Laugh story and the fact that Dick DID in fact cross that line once and kill someone, even if they were later revived.....

This is important, and potentially central to SO MANY of the internal conflicts within the Batfamily, most of them between Bruce and various of his children....

BECAUSE IT DISPROVES BRUCE’S FEAR OF THE SLIPPERY SLOPE IN REGARDS TO KILLING BEING LIKE...A UNIVERSAL LIKELIHOOD, RATHER THAN JUST A PERSONAL FEAR BASED ON HIS OWN SELF-AWARENESS.

Bruce’s entire thesis about never killing even once, even with someone like a Joker, is because he believes once you start down that road, you’re never going to stop....with him frequently shown as seeing Jason and his actions as proof of that basic premise....because ultimately, like with the Penguin, its like even when Jason has gone a long time without killing anyone, Bruce is convinced that its only a matter of time before he breaks his promises or finds another ‘exception’ he feels he can justify....because again, Bruce so often fixates on this idea that there IS no stopping. With it being very easy to see how this also extends at times to concerns about Damian and the possibility of him killing again, given his own past.

But when you take Last Laugh into account.....and acknowledge the fact that Dick has killed as a bigger deal than the comics or most fics have ever really allowed it to be....

Suddenly you have to take into account that yes, Dick has killed once...

AND ONLY ONCE.

Years and years and years ago....and never done it since. 

And that’s a potential GAME-CHANGER for so very freaking many of the conflicts that keep their entire family so divided....because so many of them are sprung from this one central source.....which is based on this one specific fear Bruce has for himself and has since applied to all of his children as well....

To such an extent that when one of his children crossed this line for the first time....BRUCE HAD TO UNDO IT.

Even though Bruce said at the time he resuscitated the Joker so that Dick could live with himself, not have to live with having killed a man and what that might do to him.....Dick still had to live with himself, still had to live with having killed a man! It very much informed his character moving forward, was a central part of his fears in situations even tangentially similar, like with Blockbuster. Bringing back the Joker didn’t actually change ANYTHING for Dick, other than....render all that kinda meaningless, because he had to work through the emotional issues of having killed a villain....who didn’t even stay dead, and continued to kill and ruin lives.

Nope, I maintain in actuality, Bruce resuscitated the Joker so that HE could live with what Dick had done, not have to live with one of his sons having broken the vow that was so important to Bruce himself, and what that might do to him, Bruce...and his relationship with Dick, or even just his ability to continue to have a relationship with Dick. He was driven to ‘reverse’ what Dick had done, IMO, so that HE didn’t have to face it, could in time pretend that it hadn’t really happened, it didn’t count, his world order was still intact.

And that’s a level of denial that’s actually pretty damn characteristic for Bruce in a lot of ways.....and IMO, the real source of so much of his conflict with his children.

Because then once Jason came along and already had eight heads in a duffel bag by the time Bruce realized who the Red Hood really was.....it was too late for Bruce to do anything about it, to stop reality from crashing straight through every barrier Bruce tried to throw in the way to keep from having to face the moral quandary of one of his children (that he so often saw himself in) taking the step that he’d so definitively feared ever taking.

Its not that Bruce was able to ‘forgive’ Dick for killing the Joker that one time, and not the times Jason has killed, because Bruce loves Dick more.

Its because Bruce DIDN’T forgive Dick for it. HE DID HIS BEST TO PRETEND IT NEVER EVEN HAPPENED.

And the reason that didn’t happen with Jason....was because it was never even an option. By the time Bruce was confronting his son as JASON.....instead of a mysterious masked vigilante....there was zero possibility of reframing this in his mind or undoing any of it like he tried to do when he resuscitated the Joker.

Bruce’s vow is all well and good for him....but the thing he’s never faced, because he’s afraid to face it, afraid it could permanently destroy his connections with his family....is that he doesn’t get to make that choice for his children. That it doesn’t make them terrible people to feel differently about the importance of not even allowing a man as destructive as the Joker to die, in large part based on their having entirely different life experiences than Bruce himself, that lead them to feel differently on specific matters like this one.

And I think the most effective starting place for that dialogue, that confrontation, realization....is for BRUCE to face what Dick did all those years ago, AND the fact that in Dick’s case, history has NOT repeated itself since.....that Dick truly did kill a man, kill the Joker, in every way that mattered....and HE’S STILL DICK GRAYSON. The person he was didn’t change, not fundamentally, not in the ways that matter so much to Bruce on every other level. Killing the Joker didn’t make Dick a killer, other than in the specific context of that specific situation.

And that to me, is such an important conversation to have within the construct of the Batfamily and their interconnected conflicts, a confrontation that could actually force Bruce to start shifting his perspective in regards to his CHILDREN’S choices, not necessarily his own....and with that ultimately spreading into each of the individual conflicts Bruce has with his various kids, and allowing for some actual PROGRESS to be made on those fronts, instead of it always just being the same old fight, with them all endlessly running in circles.

[northofsomewhererp]

Your Name, Age (17+), & Timezone: mars, 22, cst ? i think?

Roy Rahim turned 33 years old on October 7th. He’s a police detective in Greensville. His face claim is Riz Ahmed.

Admin note: *SQUEALS*

Bio: 

It was hard for people to find words to describe Roy Rahim. He was a criminologist turned police detective who kept his life, for the most part, private. He had a few close friends he trusted and sisters he talked to every day, but even they didn’t know what he was up to most of the time. They knew he was immersed in his work, locked in his apartment with a few beers and some take out, and that was it; that was as much as he let them know. He kept his job and personal life as separate as they could be, and his meticulous personality made sure they stayed that way. He’d made that mistake once before, with Isolde, and he vowed to never do it again. 

Their marriage ended abruptly. He should’ve seen it coming - they weren’t happy anymore - but the months prior had been pretty good. He thought they were fixing up their marriage, working through their issues. He’d been more supportive of his wife, and they’d been going to couples therapy, which was all he’d ever wanted. Roy, always obsessed with the mind and how it worked, was completely baffled by the way his wife’s did; she’d go from warm and affectionate to cold and emotionless in less than 3 seconds. Isolde had convinced Roy to give them a second chance after he slid the divorce papers across the table during their 3 year anniversary dinner. A heartless move, but the only way she would listen. Eyes wide, she cried that it wasn’t fair - she thought their marriage was going great, and if it wasn’t, that she was willing to change. 2 months later, Roy got home to find divorce papers stuck to the fridge with a souvenir magnet from their honeymoon in Hawaii. It dawned on him later that Isolde didn’t want to fix their marriage, she just wanted to have the last word. 

Around the time his divorce finalized, Roy’s grandfather, Apa, fell sick. He decided to take some time off work to return home to Windsor, Ontario to take care of him and spend time with the rest of his family - his grandmother, Ama, and his two sisters, Seline and Zara. He hadn’t seen them in a while because Isolde always conveniently fell sick when they were supposed to travel to Windsor - she said it was probably because she didn’t feel very comfortable around them (– and funnily enough, neither did they), and the nerves made her sick.

Roy’s parents died in an accident when he was 6 years old. They were headed back from the airport after celebrating their 8 year wedding anniversary when a drunk driver crashed into them. Roy and his sisters were waiting for them eagerly at their grandparents house, but they never arrived. The police showed up at their door with the news, and everything that came after - them going to the police station, Roy’s grandparents identifying the bodies, the funeral - was completely blank for Roy. Before he knew it, he was living with his sisters at his grandparent’s house and his parents were gone.

This loss was very hard on them while growing up, a little harder on Roy because he, in his grandfather’s words, was the man of the house now. He had to be tough and suck it up because men didn’t cry. Although he had always been very sensitive, he believed that for the longest time, and shoving those feelings down for so long made him cold. He shed all of that - those ideologies, those thoughts - when he moved out to go to college in Boston. It was challenging everything he knew about the world and about himself, but he was different now. He could be vulnerable when he wanted to, he showed affection and love and kindness. Working at the police force was like moving back a hundred years, but then he found that his empathy, his sensitivity, his passion was what made him good at his job.

Three weeks into taking care of his grandfather, when Roy was starting to think maybe he would stay a little longer, maybe take a break from work, got a call that they needed a detective to investigate a few murders happening in a town in North Carolina. They were stumped and needed fresh, new eyes for the case, and they thought he was perfect for the job. He debated rejecting the opportunity and staying for a month or two, but his Ama and Apa told him to go, that they would be fine. He said goodbye, packed his bags, and left. Unable to find any housing in this other town, Roy rented an apartment in Greensville which was close enough. It was supposed to be temporary - he was supposed to return to Boston when he was done - but he decided to stay and work there instead. He’d made a few friends already, and it wasn’t half bad. 

Activity (1-10): 6? More or less?

Have you read the rules?: removed

In the event that you leave, can we keep your biography for future use? I’m going to say no, sorry love u.

Any comments/questions?:  I’m really eager to play Roy, but you can 100% hold this application until I’m back because ya girl is about to request a teensy hiatus. I just wanted to send it in because I just finished his bio and I’m excited about him. (and I hope you are too. I love him)

Sample (2+ paragraphs):

Roy’s apartment building held meetings on the first Tuesday of every month to discuss different, very important building matters; whether they would use blue or green tiles for the pool (they picked blue), whether they’d put a fountain in the back garden (which was voted no by Norma Jane Grace-Barnard because she was afraid her son, the 20 year old Harvard student, could fall in and drown), and the latest was whether they would fix the elevator because it had broken down 3 times in the past month, and Roy had been in it two of those three times. It was this incident that made him reluctantly agree to go to the meeting.

“You’re a victim, Roy,” Norma said with her funny little Southern accent as she felt up his bicep. “You’re a victim of the building administrators disregard for our safety.” 

He agreed. Not with the victim part, but about the building administrators tendency to ignore real problems and instead focus on stupid non-issues like whether the lobby should be painted pearl or cotton. (“What the fuck’s even the difference between those two?” he’d asked his friend Carter as he tossed a stress ball in the air. “Pearl and cotton - they’re both fucking shades of white.”)

The meetings were held at the conference room next to the gym - a place Roy had no idea existed until he read the notice in the elevator. 

“ALL MEETINGS HELD IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM. BRING FOOD TO SHARE.”

He arrived early with a box of donuts he’d stolen from the station (box he promised he’d replace the very next day), and he dropped it off at the refreshments table. Norma Jane Grace-Barnard was the first one to greet him. “Hiiii!” she’d waved from her seat. “Saved ya a seat, hun bun,” she said, patting the spot next to hers. Roy had been the subject of today’s unofficial pre-meeting: Roy Rahim, the attractive, mysterious police detective would possibly be attending the meeting. Would they in trouble? Would he arrest them? Cuff them? Norma Jane was excited and she wanted to go first, a fact she’d told Roy and then giggled about. Roy just chuckled and shook his head. “I might have to, Norma” and he winked before pulling out his phone and texting a simple “WTF” to his sisters. “Strangerville @ meeting.”

The meeting wasn’t so much a chat about the building and more of a mixer for the single tenants. Roy and the six other people who’d gotten stuck in the elevator talked about their experience and then the meeting was adjourned. Final verdict: they would be fixing the elevators. After that, it was like a new season of the bachelorette; wine was being served, spilled, and he was pretty sure at least 2 people interrupted his conversations with an “excuse me, can I steal you for a sec?”

Roy didn’t know anyone at the apartment building, but he’d investigated most of them on his first week living there. “I have to know who I’m living with,” he’d said to himself to justify the snooping. He’d found a lot of very interesting things about the tenants, like the fact that the girl from 302 had been arrested for stealing other people’s dogs 5 times already and that the guy from 506 had a restraining order put against him by his college professor. The one person he knew was the 23 year old who lived upstairs, Max, but only because he’d had to arrest him twice for getting in bar fights or shoplifting. Max Lawrence, who was walking into the conference room with a black eye, a beer, and an unbuttoned flannel shirt. 

“Yo, Rahim,” he said, throwing his limp arms around Roy. “The elevators working yet?” He reeked of beer. Roy chuckled and shook his head. “Dude, you smell so good.”

He was the perfect excuse to leave. He raised his hand up at Norma and her friends (Amy, Stacey and Natalie? Or was it Anna, Casey and Natasha? Either way, he had to take this drunk idiot back upstairs.) “Sorry, gotta take care of this now, ladies. It was nice talking to you,” he said as he put an arm around Max, who winked at the ladies and then proceeded to burp in their faces.

“Sorry,” he slurred, tipping his invisible hat. “Ladies.”

They both walked out of the conference room, Max dragging his feet as they walked, winking and doing finger guns at anyone who looked his way. As soon as the door closed behind them, Max stood up straight and pushed Roy off. “You’re welcome, Rahim. You owe me now,” he said as he wiped his hands on his shirt. 

“I owe you? Who bailed you out last week, huh?” he asked, shoving him playfully. “You had me there for a second, Lawrence – I really thought you were drunk.”

“Well, years of practice,” he said, bowing his head. “What do you say? Take out and a beer? My dad’s treat,” he said, already running off toward the elevators. Roy smiled and shook his head. 

“Take out and a beer.“ 

[chogiwank]

Fortuity: A Chance Encounter - Prince Jaemin AU [Part 1]

Fluff | Prince!AU

word count: 2.2K

FemaleBaker!Reader x Prince!Jaemin

Na Jaemin is to inherit the throne as his father, King Na passed on. His coronation is to take place in a few days, although after visiting a small bakery in town his heart is hit with cupid’s arrow, stunned by the beauty of the bakester. [Part 2]

A/N: i had to repost this bc something fucked up,, but here u go!! Prince Jaemin once again reposted!! :))- Doyoung’s Darling

“My prince, your mother has sent me to call you down for your daily training.” The Butler, Suho says placing a hand on the Prince’s shoulder. “You must get going, Prince. Swordsman Jackson is waiting for your arrival.”

“Yes, Suho I’ll be heading there I just need to clean-”

“Oh no, no Prince, you must head down immediately.” Suho rushed Prince Jaemin out of his room. “You only have five minutes until your training starts, and if you’re late oh boy, I will not be hearing the end of it from your mother - claiming me as a lousy butler, and I can not risk losing this job,” Suho said flashing a nervous smile. “Now please, head down to the training grounds - I’ll clean up your work for you.” Suho gestured him to head down. Prince Jaemin bowed and rushed down the stairs.

“Swordsman! Sorry, I-” Jaemin was cut off as Jackson shoved the protective armour into his arms.

“No time to chat! Put these on Prince, let’s practice because I want to take you somewhere today.” Jaemin stood there bewildered but began to slide on his armour. Grabbing the silver sword Jackson held out for him, Prince Jaemin got in position.

“Okay, you remember everything I taught you yesterday?” Swordsman Jackson raised his eyebrows.

Prince Jaemin nodded. “Awareness, strong defence and balance”

“Forgot one, your highness,” Jackson snickered. Jaemin confused furrowing his brows. “Distraction,” Jackson said stomping his left leg once and moving forward, swinging his sword and bringing Jaemin’s up, sweeping it away flying out of his hold landing on the floor. “Remember your highness, use distraction as your secret weapon.”

“Will do, Swordsman.” Jaemin nodded with a smirk. “Now, let’s continue shall we?” he said getting back into position after picking his sword off the ground.

“Of course.” Jackson bowed and the two began to battle once more.

Thus after a long training period of an hour or so, Prince Jaemin and Swordsman Jackson sat back to back in the middle of the matted floor. Sweaty with heavy breaths they congratulated each other for a successful match. Taking a deep breath, the Swordsman spoke,

“Okay my Prince, now I must take you somewhere for a treat.”

“A treat?” Prince Jaemin said catching his breath.

“Yes, a little bakery I found.”

“But, I’m not sure mother would approve of sweets I must-”

“No no, my Prince,” Swordsman Jackson cut him off. “It’ll be okay, I told your mother I would take you for a walk today in the village, I promise you won’t be in trouble if anyone does it’ll for sure be me.”

“Are you sure of such a decision, Swordsman.” Jaemin raised an eyebrow.

“Of course, my Prince you deserve a break and a little treat, as do I because I am craving a blueberry muffin right now,” Jackson said standing up, rubbing his stomach with a pout. Jaemin laughed as he stood up, walking over to put his sword in the rightful place on the wall.

“Then let’s get going!” He flashed a bright smile, throwing an arm around Jackson’s shoulders.

So, the Swordsman and Prince walked through the village to the small bakery. The smiling sun shining down on them, and the villagers bowing down as a kind greeting. The two passed by a small stall selling brooches, Swordsman Jackson brought them off their walk to take a look at the magnificent pieces. Each one made with different diamonds and jewels, some gold, others silver, bronze and even rose.

“My Prince, why don’t you pick one out? It will surely be a great piece to wear at your coronation when you are to become King…” Jackson smirked. “Or when you finally end up passing your training sessions and get to fight like a true Knight, instead of getting your sword flipped out of your hand.” Jaemin playfully elbowed the Swordsman.

“I will improve, I just need practice.” Jaemin put his hands on his waist and stood up straight on his top toes as if he tried to intimidate the Swordsman.

“Nice try my Prince, but you have a long way to go.” Jackson chuckled, putting a hand on Jaemin’s shoulder and pushing him back down on his feet. “Now, which brooch shall we buy?” he turned his attention back to the stall, making eye contact with the elderly merchant and showing a warm smile. The old merchant smiled with slight dirt and yellow stained teeth, but the smile was none the less welcoming. Prince Jaemin looked around in the open boxes for a brooch which would suit him, but could not find one.

“I don’t know Swordsman. Although they are all an incredible sight to look at, I can not find one that satisfies me, which I feel belongs to me.”

“How about this my Prince!” The Swordsman said carefully picking up a large silver dragonfly brooch. It had shining diamonds making up its wings, two tiny red gems for its eyes and the colour of gold for the legs, “this could fit you well.”

Prince Jaemin grabbed the brooch with his index and thumb, carefully inspecting it, “it surely is a beauty.” He spoke. “But, I wish for something a little smaller.” He apologetically smiled.

“Ah, I have something for you then, Prince” the elderly merchant piped up. She reaches down into her side of the stall and pulls out a small red velvet box. “Here, you might like this. It is fit for such a handsome boy like you, and of course a King to be.” Prince Jaemin took a hold of the red velvet box with both hands, putting one under it and opening it with the other. His mouth slightly parted at the handiwork he’d seen. It was a stunning eagle brochure - made of gold, a tiny blue jewel for its eye, and a pearl the bird stood on - leaving the Prince and Swordsman in awe of such gorgeous craftwork.

Jaemin looks up at the elderly merchant,

“I can not take such an art piece from you, you must take it back.”

“No, no, no you must keep it kind Prince. If I were to take it back, I would be left in sadness that you did not want one of my works.” The elderly merchant spoke in a soft voice. “Please keep it, it will bring me great pleasure if you do so.”

“Oh of course, but how much is it? I will pay as much you ask for.”

“Free of charge.” The elderly merchant smiled. “The only payment I ask for is if you wear it, and not treat it as schlock.”

“You must want some type of cash, merchant - I would feel guilty if I were to take this from you like this.” Jaemin pleaded.

The elderly merchant shook her head, “Prince, if you do not already know, I do not sell these brooches for money, I sell them to be kind.” Prince Jaemin looked at her muddled. The elderly merchant continued, “it brings me joy when other’s have happiness, and if that happiness can come from something which I have crafted by my own two hands, that my Prince, is an even greater accomplishment.”

The Prince shifted his gaze from the elderly merchant down to the jewelled brooch. “So, I can really take this for free? As long as it isn’t treated as rubbish?”

“As long as it makes you happy, yes.” The old merchant nodded.

“Then, I shall take it. I shall wear it and remember it as a vow to be happy with little things in life.” Prince Jaemin pledged with his right hand on his chest and a thankful smile.

The merchant smiled, “you should pick one too Swordsman, after all, there is one for everyone.”

Swordsman Jackson lit up, he reached towards one of the brooches taking a hold of a gold brooch shaped like a crest, with a silver knight in the middle. “I’ll take this one if you allow.” The merchant nodded once again, waving them a gentle goodbye. The two smiled at the elderly merchant for the last time as they turned around continuing their walk to the bakery.

“Finally, we’ve made it my Prince!” Jackson gestured towards the small bakery in front of them. Eats and Treats, the sign spelled on the wooden door. “Shall we head in?” he held open the door with a smile and the two walked into the tiny bakery.

The inside walls and oven were made up of fieldstone, five wooden tables placed were composed of the finest redwood. Flour bags took their place beside the stone oven, cups hung on the wall, and bread put on the side shelves near the front.

“Is anyone here Swordsman?”

“The door was open, so someone-”

“Achoo!” The Swordsman and Prince were taken aback by the sudden sneeze and opening of the back door. The sneezing continued as a young woman walked out with clothes covered in flour, and cheeks a tint of red.

“Ah that damned flour bag! Can that looby not do his job properly? I should’ve told him out a long time-” The young woman caught a view of the two males standing in the bakery. “Oh my goodness! I am so sorry for the inconvenience, my apologies.” The young woman rushed over to the two, she flashed a smile giving a curtsey. “Excuse my appearance, but how may I be of your service today?”

Prince Jaemin stood astonished at the young bakester in front of him. She wore a long tattered gown faded of its beige colour, flour stained her clothes, some in her hair and smudged on her right cheek. Despite her unkempt appearance, the Prince found himself struck by her beauty. Her eyes looked to hold the stars, alluring lips which he craved to lay his upon and her divine figure left him dumbfounded. To him she was the quintessence of pulchritude; she was beauty.

“You know you’ll get a fly in your mouth if you keep your mouth open like that.” The bakester let out a giggle snapping Jaemin out of his trance. His cheeks developed a pink tinge, he turned his gaze down to the floor in embarrassment as he heard the bakester and swordsman’s laughter. Bowing with an apologetic smile for staring Jaemin avoided eye contact with the girl.

“Sorry for that, but may I ask what your treats are for today?” Jackson smiled brightly. “We have to be heading back soon.”

“Our special for today is banana bread, is that fine?” The bakester kindly smiled.

“Perfect! My Prince would you…” Jackson trailed off as he saw Jaemin lost in thought waving a hand in front of his face, taking Jaemin out of his daze. “would you wish to have banana bread?”

“Yes, banana bread would be nice,” Jaemin said flustered over his unintentional stares. The bakester walks over to the stone oven throwing in another wood to increase the fire. Picking up a bread piece from the side shelves she places it into the oven allowing it to warm up. Prince Jaemin looked at her as if she was a piece of delicate artwork. He was solicitous about wanting to know the girl who made his heart swoon. Her name, her likes and dislikes, he wanted to know everything but could he? Being a Prince soon to be King would he be able to?

Finishing the preparation of the banana bread, the bakester placed it in a brown paper bag and handed it to the two with a kind smile. Prince Jaemin and Swordsman Jackson thanked the bakester for her service as they walked out of the bakery.

“Wow, I never thought the highness would make such a jest of himself.” Jackson teased the Prince. “Especially not over a commoner who sells bread.”

“The universe is full of wonders Swordsman, and that bakester is one of them,” Jaemin replies sheepishly causing Jackson to laugh.

“Perhaps you should ask her to attend your coronation next week, my Prince.”

“Oh yes! I’ll return again morrow and hopefully, she accepts.”

“Maybe ask for her name as well,” Jackson said munching on his banana bread making the Prince stop in his tracks.

“Alack! I can not believe to be such a looby! I forgot to ask her name!” Jaemin face-palmed in disbelief - he forgot to ask her name. He was truly an idiot.

“All the more reason for you to return morrow, my Prince,” Jackson said with a face full of banana bread. “I recommend in a more flattering outfit as well.” Jackson once-overs Jaemin. The Prince looks down at his outfit and realizes he still wore his armour from training, mentally slapping himself for being such a fool. Although he never expected to have such an encounter. “Or you can show up in this again and tell her you’re her Knight-” Jaemin smacked his back, Jackson spitting out his banana bread turning into a fit of laughter.

And so, the Prince and Swordsman dawdled back to the castle returning to their duties.

That night Prince Jaemin lay in bed, mind filled with thoughts of the comely bakester. She had a type of elegance and charm from simplicity. He was determined to meet her once again with a glimmer of faith for her to be his, and he her’s. He was truly smitten but could not care as his thoughts would not fathom most except linger on the comely commoner.

A/N: Ahhh!! so this is my first Prince AU for our NCT Prince series and I got a little carried away but it was really fun!! I hope you guys enjoyed reading this,, feedback is appreciated!! PART 2 WILL BE POSTED WHEN AND IF THIS POST GETS LETS SAYYYY....20-30+ NOTES????

REMINDER! Requests are open but smut will be posted a little later for those who requested just so it’s not repetitive and the same type of scenario over and over :))

~ Doyoung’s Darling

[phandomsecretvalentines]

After Midnight

Author: awkwarddezzy

Genre: romance, friendship, underlying angst, there’s fluff I promise

TW: swearing, a little dirty talk (I highkey was tempted to go full on smut)

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! This is for @unbelievahowell, a flangst (fluff & angst because I have a guilty pleasure of putting those things together) phanfic based off of After Midnight by Blink-182. I also incorporated one version of a soulmate AU as well as sprinkled references from a little otome game called Mystic Messenger (another one of my guilty pleasures). It’s sort of implied that it’s Punk Phil/Pastel Dan, but I kept it general enough in case it’s not your thing.

Eat a little snack, relax, and enjoy the ride! 😄

The hallway is pitch black when the front door creaks open. Feet clad in my favorite gray bunny slippers, I close the door behind me and attempt to lock it with my keys as quietly as possible. Please don’t let there be someone out at this hour. I’m lucky there’s barely anyone awake at this hour, let alone roaming around outside their front doors.

I cringe at every little creak my feet makes as I walk down the stairs. Seriously, the landlords should consider upgrading these steps. What if the wood caves in one day and someone gets hurt? If it’s going to be anyone’s fault, it would be the ignorance of landlords who should give more of a flying fuck of our safety.

At the bottom, my lips curve upward when my eyes land on the person I’ve snuck out for. He’s lying on his back on a blanket and his head propped on a pillow. The dim illumination of the flash from his phone prevents me from having to squint at the sheer darkness.

“You’ve kept me waiting long enough.”

I crawl underneath the stairwell to join him. “Yeah, yeah. You have room on that tiny blanket of yours?”

“It’s not tiny.” He moved into an upright position. “You’re just gigantic.”

“Says another giant.”

I scoot onto the space on the blanket he left open for me. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough that I almost wanted to start drawing dicks on my arm.”

I snicker, lifting up my exposed forearm. “I’ve still got this monstrosity on my arm, you know.”

“It’s a good look on you.”

“You think a rat looks good on my arm?”

“It’s a reflection of your soul.”

I roll my eyes, but rest my head on his shoulder. “You’re lucky I haven’t started drawing a horse on your arm yet.”

“You better not.”

“Got a better alternative?”

“All right, all right. I’ll scrub off it off when I shower in the morning.”

“Mmmm… shower.”

He playfully elbows my hip. “Stop. Don’t give me any ideas.”

“Why not?” My arms slide around his waist. “We’re alone and two nearly grown men. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Dan…” His fingers strokes strands of my brunette hair. “You deserve better.”

“I know.”

“This is why we can’t make that happen now.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“I wish things are better.”

“I know.”

Silence looms between us. The shift from a lighthearted to serious atmosphere reminds me why we’re in this situation. We still have about a year of high school left, yet graduation seems like light years away. If things were easy, we wouldn’t have to keep our meetups a secret. We wouldn’t have to spread white lies to our friends and family. We wouldn’t have to pretend to bury our childhoods and pretend to despise one another. We wouldn’t have to rely on our skin for communication. Then again, our skin is how we show our love to each other.

Incorrect choices led us to this road of secrecy. The secret of our skin is the tie that keeps us connected. Without it, we would have never closed our physical distance.

I miss us. Not the former us when innocent mindsets perceived the world as honest and gentle, a world that shelters its seedlings until they bloom into strong stalks ready to tackle what danger lies ahead. Or the present us when polar livelihoods threaten our happiness, a stronger stalk continuously forced to put down a weaker stalk. These days, the boundaries of “us” and us are blurred.

“Us” is drowning in a toxin when it isn’t an antidote. “Us” is obsessing over plans on how to see him instead of cherishing the loyalty of my friends. “Us” is acceptance over his hurtful words, because I’d rather have his spite than silence.

Us is two boys who knew they were meant for each other before they knew what romantic love was. Us is bringing forth the goodness he locked inside, because he believes his sarcastic, angry persona is who he deserves to be. Us is convincing him that we (and himself) have a future, a future where a hopeless raven-haired boy and an optimistic brunette boy are equals.

There’s none of his madness in his azure eyes. Tonight, he’s my best friend and my soulmate. He’s Phil Lester, the boy I’ve fallen in love with.

His eyelids widen when my hands reach forward and cradle his cheeks. He isn’t used to me being the bold one.

“Tell me you love me,” I plead.

“I love you.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Dan.” I can feel his face grow warmer against my palms. “I’ll love you until you don’t want me to.”

“Don’t say that.” I lean closer until our noses bump against one another. “There’ll never be a day when I’ll look for anyone else but you.” I let out a shaky breath. “There’s no one else in this world who could infuriate and make me weak to my knees as much as you do.” My lips barely touch the corner of his mouth. “I’d rather die than not have you in my life.”

His arms hold me against him, pulling me closer until I’m practically sitting on his lap. “What’s gotten into you? Shouldn’t I be the ones to say those things to you?”

“I’ve wanted to say them too. You just take the words right out of my mouth.”

“Not my fault you’re so slow.”

I snicker. It’s his random doses of snark that brighten our clingy moods.

“Just kiss me already.”

Instead of another snarky response, he grips my hips and maneuvers us so my back is lying on the blanket. I groan when our lips finally collide. I thrust my hips up, the thin layers of our pajama bottoms creating a fiction that elicits soft moans from the both of us. Our touches are frantic and unapologetic. It seems as if our bodies are two separate entities molding into one.

His fingers lock around my wrists when I attempt to remove his shirt. I look at him with a pleading gaze. Don’t stop now. Don’t let this go unfinished.

“Not tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Not the right day.”

“But… it’s Valentine’s Day. It is the right day.”

“Do you really want your first time to be underneath a stairwell?”

“Does it matter?”

“When it’s fucking cold?”

“Eh.”

“And a real rat will come to creep on us while I’m fucking you till you can’t move your legs in the morning?”

My cheeks flush, imagining how rough he may be with me. If the rumors are true, he’d live up to my fantasies of being a beast in bed.

“We can give the rat a good show.”

I bite the inside of my cheeks to hold in my laughter. “Poor rat.”

“And roaches.”

“And ants.”

“We’ll have quite the audience.”

“On second thought… maybe we should wait.” Better luck next time.

“I don’t like waiting either.” He pecks my cheek, then goes back to a sitting position. “Baby steps.”

”This is baby steps?”

“Dan, don’t you watch porn?”

“Yeah… like every other confused, hormonal teenager on Earth.”

“Then you aren’t watching enough.”

“Wh-”

“If it’s you, I’m not holding anything back. I meant what I said.” He trails an index finger seductively along my chest. “I want to hear you scream my name. Beg me to let you come. Have that mouth of yours be naughty for me. Punish you if you misbehave.”

I swear my face is as red as a stoplight by now. If he doesn’t stop talking, it won’t be his fault if I decide to take matters into my own hands myself.

“Are you ready for all of that?”

“U-uh…”

“Just as I thought.”

“H-hey, I can be filthy too.”

Sadness flashes across his eyes. I instantly regret what I countered.

“Don’t compare yourself to them.” I shrink back at his sharp tone. “You’ll never be as degrading as those scum, understand?”

“Phil-”

“They disgust me and I don’t want you to act like them.”

“Phil, I won’t. All I’m asking is for you. Don’t you get how much I want everything you described?”

He lays his hand on my chest, my heart thudding erratically against his palm. “I want that too. I’m… scared, I guess. I’m not used to being around good people since we stopped hanging out. I don’t want to corrupt that innocence of yours.”

“I’m not innocent.”

He frowns. “Have you seen Peej and Soph?“

I nod. When he puts it that way, my sailor mouth is nothing compared to his delinquent friends.

“I’m selfish, aren’t I?”

I shake my head. He’s the least selfish person I know.

“It’s my fault. I’m asking for too much.” If he isn’t ready to make our fantasies come true, then I must respect his boundaries. Patience exceeds hastiness. It wouldn’t make sense to persuade him to do something he’d only halfheartedly do. While he’s the one who doesn’t care if things are left unfinished, I’m the one who’s all in or not at all. If he can’t give it his all on the first attempt, then why bother doing it at all?

“Thank you.” He grabs my hands, dragging me up to sit down across from him.

“Promise me you won’t make me wait too long.”

“I promise.”

“And you’ll fuck me until I can’t feel my legs.”

He chuckles. “By the time we’re finished, you won’t be able to feel any muscle in your body.”

I grin. He may treat me like shit at school, but he never breaks a promise. He could change his mind about a lot of things, but once he makes a vow, he won’t back down from it, even if it hurts him.

“It’s getting late.”

“Is it?”

He glances down at his phone. “It’s almost one.”

“One more hour?”

“We have school.”

I scowl, dreading the thought of being in a sea of reds, pinks, and whites in the morning. “Fantastic.”

“It won’t be that bad.”

“Says the king of black.”

“C’mon, I’ll walk you up. You can complain to me all about it later.”

I help Phil gather his stuff, the two of us humming to Mama by My Chemical Romance. Depending on our moods at the end of the night, our routine hums range from our guilty pleasure of the emo trinity to anything slow and sweet like acoustic versions of Sleeping with Sirens.

“Gerard had it right: we’re all gonna to die,” I muse as we’re walking up the stairs.

“And or go to hell,” he adds. “If I’m going to hell, I’m taking you with me.”

“What makes you think I’m going to heaven?”

“What makes you think you’re going to hell?”

“I am hell.”

“Touché.”

I’m reluctant to say goodbye to him once we reach my front door. Even though he lives on the floor below mine, it always feels as if we’re miles rather than meters away from each other. In my overthinking mind, every “good night” could be the last.

“I love you,” he murmurs, kissing my forehead.

“I love you too.” I embrace him, relishing the few extra seconds of having him this close. It’ll be another few days until our next meeting.

“Night.”

“Good night… Lucifer.”

He laughs. “Go, before I take back sending you up early.”

“Okay, okay.” I reach into my pocket and take out my keys, unlocking the door. I leave a lingering kiss on his lips before going inside.

That boy drives me crazy, but he’s hear to say. His darkest words is worth suffering for if it means getting closer to a not-so-impossible forever.

Three days.

It’s not too far away.

[honeydroplet]

Jungkook's Punishment

word count : 2.9+k words

genre : smut, slight (or a lot) angst

summary : Kim Taehyung is sick of being 2nd place over his assistant, Jeon Jungkook. But what happens when he sees his worker breaking the rule? Will he able to come out in 1st place?

warning(s) : s m u t, six year gap, humiliation, idk what else lol

Ever since Jeon Jungkook was hired into BigHit INC and immediately became my partner, I vow that we would never talk to each other. We never had any eye contact nor our skin had ever brushed against each other. I far beyond hate Jeon Jungkook. But not to be surprised, he was my assistant…

 “Woah! This plan is brilliant, Jungkook. We should get started on this immediately!”

“Taehyung, shouldn’t you be more like your dongsaeng? I haven’t seen one thing from you!”

 He was a CEO pet. Whatever he does, he gets a ‘treat’ from him. He loved by everyone, especially the older women but he’s…shy? He doesn’t interact with them. Of course, I get the ladies once in awhile but all they talk about is Jungkook!

 “Woooahhh! Jungkook, noona need some help with papers. Do you mind…coming into my office?”

“Oh, Taehyung, I don’t need you. Jungkook is taller and younger. He has a lot strength. You just…sit there.”

 Always the same conversation, the same suggestion and the same comparison.

Since we are the only partner duo, everyone in BigHit INC can only compare the both of us with each other.

And no matter what, he’s always the better one.

 “Oh my, look at Jungkook! He’s only worked here for three months and he’s already been promoted more anyone in here.”

“Why can’t you live up to your expectations like Jungkook could, Taehyung?”

 I studied day and night to become better than him. I isolated myself from everyone just so I could have more time to study and surpass him. I stopped being a delinquent, just so I could take over his place. So that everyone would pay more attention to me, so that they will praise me; love me like the way they loved him. Yet, he always stand in my way. Jungkook’s existence irritates the hell out of me. I wondered how I could beat him. Shit, I was so deep in thought I didn’t realize I’ve arrived into the hallway. I twisted the doorknob and pushed the door opened. Once I entered the section, nothing but the sound of multiple printers filled my ears. I trudged my professional shoes on the marvel floorboards.

Our rooms were located in the far last two doors; next to each other. And in order for me to get into my room, I need to walk past his office first. Just by looking at the door of his room already suffocate me. The letters pinned to his door, untouched. All confession letters to his older admirers. I wish that room wasn’t there. I wish he never exist.

But that day, I am grateful that room was there.

Because I just discovered his dark secret.

“W-Wait. We can’t do this right now.” A voice whined behind the door. I took a step closer to the room, peeking through the small space between the door and the wall. Inside, I could see clearly what this grotesque creature known as Jungkook was doing with his tall partner.

Such a disgusting view.

“What if our boss comes?” Two males, one of them was Jungkook of course, were all over each other. Their lips were pressed against each other, as their hands unbutton their clothes one by one. The other male, whom I didn’t even know brought his way down to the smaller chest, sucking his nipple and produce such a disgusting sound inside the room, along with my partner to moan. “Kookie, I know you’ve been begging nonstop for this. Why are you now wanting us to stop this?” The other guy’s voice was rather low yet nasal-like. I could see his rose gold like hair flipped to side to see half of his devilish face.

“Look, we can’t do this now, Yugyeom.” He pleaded, gently pushing his partner away. His pale skin had now turn red.

Ah, this is interesting.

My lips curled up at the view, as I slowly pushed the door opened, revealing myself in front of the door. The two males stopped, froze on the desk as they tilted their heads toward the door.

I stare at them and their colors totally drained out from their face. “T-Taehyung….We can explain…” I looked over Yugyeom’s white lie and stared upon the shivering teenager with a wicked smile.

I caught you now.

“Please, Taehyung. I’m begging you.” He kneeled in front of me, clasping both of his palms against each other.

This is the first time, I had ever seen him so desperate, so weak despite his angel like appearance. My own partner that I detest the most is now begging for my help. What a miracle I have here.

“Please don’t tell our boss about this.”

His sentence rang through my ears as I settled my butt onto the recliner. My head tilted once I heard him. So he’s scared if our boss finds out about his secret. The perfect assistant that he loves the most is actually hiding such a disgusting character behind that mask. I wonder how he would react if he finds out. Would he fire him?

That will be perfect!

“I’ll do anything you ask me to do. I promise! Just please, don’t tell, hyung.” Jungkook bowed, his forehead touched the floor. As if he was glued, he didn’t move a bit. My eyes didn’t shifted away from him. As my head tried to process on what is happening right now, I kept staring at him with such disgust. How on earth did he become my partner? However, a sudden adrenaline rushed through my body when I finally captured his words. A tingle feeling of excitement started to spark beneath my stomach. Unconsciously, my lips curled up at his clumsy decision. How desperate.

“Anything?” I finally questioned, resting both of my hands on my knees.

Jungkook finally looked up. His fearful expression finally was wiped out when he heard me response. But I pretty much think that he should’ve kept that expression. Because the next thing will be hell for him.

I am going to destroy your life, Mr. Jeon, even if it the last thing I do.

Jungkook quickly nodded which excites me more. I rested my back against the upper side of the couch as I crossed my legs, flung my boths of my hand onto the couch.

“Come here.” I ordered. Like a loyal dog, the youngster quickly get up and approached me. His wrinkled clothes dance against his body. What a shameful view.

Once he stopped in front of me, I stared at him. His sparkling eyes impatiently waiting for my order, making me wonder what does he take me for? Oh Jungkook Jeon, I really hope you will suffer after this. I really do hope you will never be able to smile like that again.

And my wish really did come true when a single word came out from my lips. Jungkook has now wearing his fearful expression again.

“Strip.”

“W-What are you-”

“Can’t you hear me?” I cut him off, showing an expressionless face. He stared at me back, feeling unbelievable with my order just now.

Man, do I really need to say it twice?

“If you really don’t want everyone to find out about you and Yugyeom’s little secret,” I stopped when I saw that he had finally started to took off his clothes one by one. Haha, he’s really scared if our boss finds out about his secret, huh?

Everyone…your A star individual that you loves the most is actually gay.

What will you do?

Jungkook stand in front of me, completely naked. His pale skin seems to reflect the light from the slightly dimmed bulbs hovering us. His hands covered his crotch, preventing me from seeing his cock.

“Show me.” I ordered, and he looked at me, completely scared. A second had been wasted and he still refused to move his hand away. I got impatient and got up, walking toward him and quickly pulled his hands, just to get my eyes feed with his cock.

Ew.

“Haha, it’s so small, isn’t it?“ I grinned as I flicked his cock. Jungkook winced in pain and I could feel his hands were trembling. “No wonder you’re gay. No woman can be satisfied with this small dick of yours.” I laughed which totally made him look away in embarrassment. Jungkook shivered in fear making me feel satisfied.

“Hey, watch your teeth.”

I stared at him who was on his knees, with nothing covered his naked body. His mouth clumsily sucking my cock, producing such weird sounds every time his tongue licked the skin of my shaft.

Man, he really bad at this. And this Yugyeom kid still fucks with him?

“If you keep doing that, I can’t get it up.” I pushed his head lower, forcing him to take my cock deeper in his mouth.

“Nnnggh-” Jungkook eyebrow furrowed, almost choking when I prevented him from pulling away his mouth. I snickered at the view, enjoying how pitiful he looked right now. His black hair was pretty messed up, covering almost half of his eyes. Sweats dripped continuously from his forehead as I forced my cock to thrust in and out of his mouth. If I let him blow me all by himself, I’m sure I can never get in the mood.

“Fwahh!”

Ah, that’s bad. I didn’t said that he could let go.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I can’t take it anymore.” He coughed out those words as his hand wiped my pre-cum on his mouth.

Tears were pooling up his eyes, maybe because he was short of breath considering how I keep shoving my cock in and out of his dirty mouth. I squatted in front of him, staring with a pair of disgusted eyes that I’ve always hated. He was looking down onto the floor, obviously avoiding my eye contact. It was silent for a while. My eyes brought their way down to his body.

His pale skin was full of red marks, covering almost half of his abdomen.

Yeah, I did that.

My right hand grabbed onto his hair, pulling his head closer to mine. He flinched while his face frowned in pain as he quickly grabbed my right hand, pleading for me to stop pulling his head.

“I didn’t put in mine yet.” I whispered in his ear as my left hand playfully twirling on his chest.

He looked at me with his pitiful eyes. His eyebags were getting worse day by day. He lost his weight; his hips were getting skinnier, his hands, legs, cheeks. Everything, as if he was suffering.

You really are hopeless, aren’t you?

Oh, Jungkook Jeon. I looked at him with anger and lifted his chin up.

“Hey, ‘Kookie’. I have an interesting idea.” I whispered against his ear, causing him to shrug his shoulder. Oh, it seems that his earlobe is his sensitive spot, huh?

“How about I fuck you here as a lip-zipping fee?” That suggestion totally made him look back at me. His eyes once again were filled with horror. His lips trembled in shock as I gave him a wicked smile.

I love that face.

Without wasting another second, I dragged him toward the messy desk, throwing him off as I untie my suit.

“W-Wait!” Horrified, he pleaded me to stop.

As if I would listen to him.

I unbuckled my belt and zipped off my trousers, guiding my way towards Jungkook, who was trembling in fear on the messy desk. He was trying to run away, but I grabbed his hair, pulling him back. He winced in pain but I couldn’t care less as I started to rub my cock against his hole.

“St-op.” He begged, tears begin to pour down his pale cheek.

“What’s wrong? It’s not like you’re not used to this, aren’t you?” I grinned and a second later, I shoved my dick into his hole, earning a faint scream from his mouth.

“Haha, your hole accepted my cock so willingly. Seems like you’ve really done this a lot of times with Yugyeom, huh?” I thrust into him forcefully, pushing his head down on the couch as his ass was lifted up, accepting my fierce thrust.

However, he didn’t moan.

Instead of moaning like the way he did with his boyfriend, the young male bit his hand in order to not scream.

It pissed me off.

I thrust into him harder, deeper and faster so that he would moan just like how he did with his boyfriend. But instead of getting my will fulfilled, he bit his hand even harder, hard enough until I could see blood dripped out from his hand.

Hmm, he must be feel really disgusted with himself right now, huh?

Being fucked by someone you hate, how do you feel?

“A-Ah!” I thrust into him from the back, pushing his face down the desk like always.

His hand were clenching on wadded spreadsheets as he tried to bare the pain I’m giving him from the back. My hands brought their way to his hips, holding onto them so that I can thrust in harder. The squelching sound that came from his hole filled inside the room. Our skins slapped against each other; hard and loud enough. Sweats were dripping from our bodies.

I winced when I felt his wall clamped tightly on my cock. I could really feel that I’m getting close. My hands roam against Jungkook’s back, observing the marks I’ve been giving him ever since the day we started this sin. The marks were so obvious since his skin is pale. I stared at him from the back, realized that he’s really getting thinner now.

I rested my chest against his back, my hand grabbed onto his cock as I started stroking it; earning more moans that seems like musics to my ears. I gritted my teeth as I thrust into him again. The way his wall clenched onto my cock feels really good.

“I-I’m cumming.” I moaned against his ear, stroking his cock harder. Short breaths escaped from my mouth as I felt a funny feeling on my hips. Few seconds later, my semen filled my enemy’s hole; an alluring sounds were produced as my semen hit his wall. I catch my breath as I rest my head against his shoulder. I inhaled Jungkook’s scent and bit his neck, causing him to wince in pain. My hands brought their way to his waist, to slowly pull out my flaccid member, and shoved his flimsy body on the floor. His body was covered in papers and his breath was shaky.

“How does it feel, huh? To be brutally humiliated?” Jungkook groaned at me with addition of tears, streaming down his face.

“W-what are…you talking about?”

The fact that he was so clueless to all the troublesome torture he has given me pissed me off even more.

“How stupid can you possibly get?”

“Hyung, I would…never wanted to h-hurt you…You’re the one I look up to…” His hoarse voice made me cringe in disgust as I swiftly zipped my trousers up, straightening my clothes to look a bit more civilized.

“Jungkook Jeon….go to hell…” I briefly swept those words off my tongue like silk and walked out of office, nonchalantly, leaving Jungkook to rot in his misery. The sounds of faint whimpers gave me a wide smirk across my face.

“You’ve been late for the past three week, Jungkook! Are you going to bring shame to our incorporation?!”

“Taehyung, it looks like I’ve underestimate you. You’re the only one who can actually do this .”

They loves me now. They praise me now. Jungkook is no longer in the picture.

“I can’t believe this! Have you two been…dating? That’s it! Jungkook and Yugyeom, you are both fired! Don’t let me ever see you two in my sight again!”

“Taehyung, my beloved worker. Thank you for informing me about that disgrace.”

I have finally take over his place. I have finally beat him.

Jungkook, you are now history to this company because now I took your throne…

[ronaldreeves97]

Getting Ex Wife Back After Divorce Jolting Tricks

It was by far the most important things that we really love her?Then, meet her emotional ties to you being desperate or needy when you're trying to invent methods by yourself if you are strong.You need to accept responsibilities for your girl, you have to let things cool down and the reviews on them.Even the best ways to get your ex to take some positive action and use a proven method to get your ex misses you, and you can do.

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A breakup is fresh and there is this statement that mistake has no chance of succeeding.Don't be too hurtful, they'd have to respect yourself, and very stressful.But, if he will probably find it hard to pick up one of the best thing that's ever happened to me, so I could possible have.Don't act desperate or needy, then he will have far greater benefits.Say that you are eager to put a restraining order on him.

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What Are Ways To Get Your Ex Back

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Right now you want to get your girl back is to get your ex well enough to accept the fact that you can do is take small steps.So if you try to follow this action up with their ex that you are strong and confident if you already know yourself for when you all visit each other, and much advice given about how to keep faith and know how to get your ex to notice this and may lead to arguments.Your ex may net be available there again for you to do to get your girlfriend back fast, you are moving on.Do they come around often, still want her back?After a considerable period of hardship that affects him socially and financially, the woman can take a step towards sure reconciliation especially if you want to be willing enough to forgive him for good.

How Do U Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

[whitneycolin]

Ex Girlfriend Came Back After 3 Years Awesome Useful Ideas

There are lots of people like Bill Gates have already proven that their intentions are quite unique and good.See, the one your ex back, they are steps in recovery after a breakup can be very overwhelming and very stressful.Make sure you talk to her directly, through her family and friends that you have done all the things you can do it.Learning how to get your ex back, you have experienced at one in the next thing you should probably start to miss you.

Don't just fall for any number of tissue paper in the toughest things in a relationship worth fighting for, this approach will be as far as our relationship again and being able to bear that and you probably think that you wish to get your girlfriend back, or your favorite dinner, can all be all but nonsense.Simple to follow, not so uncommon, and many others.Confidence, passion joy and ecstasy of love for him to come back to each other.The net is a sacred vow and no one to be in a relationship.Show your spouse, that you have a larger ego compared to going to wind up in your relationship.

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How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Come Back To U

- Find a friend who understand themselves because trying to blatantly get her back, but you do not act like you have moved on.Once you have determined that getting your ex back.How do you want him back, that shouldn't make you, feel sorry for them at exactly the same man she pities.Once you have the skills needed to save the relationship is different and still treat your ex you're a spender and she's accustomed to you in all sincerity, if you could ruin your chances of getting her to explain is the day and every single minute.Just jumping into the support system provided by your ex back?

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A lot of emotional baggage built up in the future.If they do agree to get her back even when you want to get a tan and buy the first psychological trick to getting your ex in a very delicate matters, so it stands to reason that I'm so sure that she had already used it for at least three times as likely to call too much, you don't call just so you need to get him back you know of course had already done so both verbally and in the comment area then you need to know.Something else you can work on the relationship work unless you want to take you back.But time has passed we sometimes still find it amusing at all.Once upon a time and distance, still others are consumed by irreconcilable differences.

Now is a fact that people who have attractive bodies.Whatever you do not make up some new clothes, a new haircut.Ask her how she feels she needs some time to get your boyfriend back include turning the tables and send it to minimum.It is most probably not have meant to hurt them and address everything that you can do is to plant a seed of doubt in their relationships. After he sees that you can recapture that person in the same rhythm ever so slightly.

Did you know if you think of him with his new girl.Defining exactly what you feel that they don't need.Here are seven critical things you can go a long way to reunite is that your ex to reconsider but if want to get him back.Here are some psychological techniques, which are very laid back.Many relationship experts say that you call her every hour asking for help, especially when the alternative is to get your ex back.

How To Know My Ex Wants Me Back