#sorry about the schlong

[phalangenibbler572]

this is my everything collage

[temeyes]

will finish playing the campaign later. my ass ain't finishing that in one sitting! have this dood for now!

[official-penis-posts]

"Guards! Send this man to the penis explosion chamber and explode is penis immediately!"

[angstigone]

this might be a bit unhinged but if you are on olympics tik tok you know of the jumper who well... didn't wear compression shorts (to say that in appropriate terms).

and imagine that with jumper! suguru, who literally just stands face down on the mat just trying to wave off the hit and embarassment.

but nothing beats your face - his girlfriend - as you cover it promply knowing that your dms will be not accessible for the next few days.

[ceo-of-daichi]

Omfg I was scrolling through your blog babygirl and accidentally tapped on unfollow 😱😱😱 so I immediately followed you back but I feel like such a TOOL! 🙈

So yeah, that and I LOVE YOU! 🥹🤍 I hope your work trip went well!! 🥺 hugs and kisses my sweet Lydia! 💋💋💋

KEL🥺🥺💛💛💛ITS OKAY!!! Honestly I was taking a little break from being on here only occasionally jumping on!!!

My work trip went alright, honestly it was super tiring and very very cold! I’m surprised I didn’t get ill lmao, was working outside for 7/8 hours in -11 c 🥴🥴🥴

Hope you are doing okay?? How’s the 31 days of daichi going?? I cannot wait to sit down and read them all when I am feeling in a better headspace with this app😁😁💛

ILYSM!! KEEP KILLING THE GAME💛

[clowndensation]

(tragic) another beautiful brown eyed boy seduced away from his roots by the inescapable allure of body mods 😔😔😔

[reasoncourt]

Like think about it the clues are everywhere… when shiv gets on top of tom any time they have sex it’s because she has to take charge… Tom’s dick is good but he is clueless with it she has to *gets shot by my enemies*

*dives in front of you to sacrifice myself* *whispers "megan's right" in my dying breath*

[rainbowgod666]

Ë

Reminder from someone with actual literal brain damage from a brain injury to stop fucking using "brain damage" and "brain injuries" as a means of describing someone whose opinions you don't like or deem as stupid.

It's ableist and offensive as fuck, and for some reason a lot of leftist people think it's okay to use. I've seen posts replying to right wing racists calling them "brain damaged if you believe this" and "do you have a brain injury? do you not understand X?". Just now I saw a beautiful post about fat people throughout history that was absolutely ruined by opening with "How do we break it to boomers with actual brain damage and nostalgic brainrot, and the 'tradwife' thirsting Andrew Tate fans..." before continuing to say that fat people existed throughout history.

Brain damage does not make you racist. A brain injury doesn't make you stupid, or fatphobic, or unaware of history and politics. Stop fucking using my disability as a catch all to describe people you think are shitty. Y'all use it like it's a replacement for how people used to use the R-slur, which shows you learned absolutely nothing about why the R-slur was wrong to use and decided to throw in other disabilities instead. Fuck off and stop doing it.

(And don't do it with other disabilities either, because I know y'all do.)

I know a lot of people with brain injuries. They're smart, and funny, and compassionate. They learn about the world and care about social issues and wish they could go to protests if their disability won't allow them to. Are there right wing people with brain injuries? Sure, absolutely. But they are not right wing because they have a brain injury, and using any disability as an insult is still fucking ableist.

Tldr - stop using brain damage and brain injury as an insult. It's ableist and incredibly offensive.

Love, your local brain injured/brain damaged pal

[tonycries]

Tony!! Who in JJK do you think would be the hardest to ehem ~take~

I love love loooove ranking JJK men, so from hardest to not so hard to have him in your anonussy:

Sukuna - TWO?? AND NOT ONLY TWO MAN'S LIKE 8 FEET TALL HE COULD WIELD THAT THING LIKE A WEAPON 😭😭 Good thing it's spooky season because I'm sorry bby but you are NOT making it out alive 👻

Toji - Never understood why Gege needed to have him use a sword when he can just use that massive schlong

Nanami - See I wasn't sure whether I should have him as third or fourth because yes, it's massive but he also takes suuuuch good care of you so I feel like it wouldn't even be all that hard to take ykwim 😵‍💫 Either way 10000/10 have my children.

Gojo - Has the BDE to back up his ego, I fear. Only reason he lost against Sukuna is because it was dragging along the battlefield too much and was a distraction.

Choso - Big dick Choso that doesn't know what to do with it yesyesyes 😋😋 He'd be saurrrr sweet about it tho, all pouty and whiny 😩

Geto - he won't be hard to take because I'm the one putting it in.

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#399

“Oh man, Fuck!...  Oh sorry you had to hear that call.  Didn’t mean to interrupt you enjoying your brew.  It’s just that my girlfriend makes me so fucking pissed off….  Get this, she knows I work 14 days straight busting my ass on that drilling rig.  I am about to head home for four days of rest.  That’s a 7-hour drive, each way.  So she tells me that her sister and mother are in town staying with us.  My days of relaxing are shot to shit.  And worse yet there’s no way I’m getting her pussy.�� I probably won’t even get head.  Ain’t that shit?...

“Oh sorry.  I forget that I’m not with a dozen or so other roughnecks out in the field.  All they talk about is pussy.  Most of them don’t have a girlfriend, let alone a wife.  Hearing them go on and on about fucking and getting a blow job, I forget that other people might talk about something else.

“My god, I just wanted to get home and kick back with a beer and get some head.  You know the kind of blowjob that goes on for an hour and it relaxes your entire body.  That doesn’t even include blowing your wad.  You know what I’m talking about?

“Oh there I go again.  Sorry if I’m telling too much....  I do that when I start drinking.   Do you care if I talk about getting blown?...  Good.  Thought so.  What man doesn’t want head at the end of weeks of working damned hard? 

“…Here’s to blowjobs!  Cheers! 

“Hey Frank! Get my friend here another beer….  Nah!  Put your money away.  I got this. 

“So your car broke down?...  We are one of two taverns for twenty miles.  The other is by the interstate one mile away.  At this time of day it’s quite deserted.  We typically only get locals in here.  That is, unless you are having work done at Mike Larson’s garage.  There’s not that much out here, just the garage, Frank’s tavern, the lodge, and the oilfield’s main office over there across the creek.  Was I right?  Is it your car?

“…That was not a happy nod.  So, you’re here for tonight… Oh wait, the garage is closed for the weekend.  You are here until Monday?  …Again, that nod tells me everything.  Well to make matters worse, there are no available women for at least 50 or 60 miles.  This is what this hellhole has to offer. 

“I don’t know about you but it looks like it’s going to be an evening of pounding the pud.  And when I get done, I’ll use my other hand to make it feel like I’m getting a handjob from someone else.

“Goddamn my girlfriend fucked this all up.  I only had this weekend off, before I have to report back here to start filling in for a bud on Wednesday.  She thought that I would want to spend time with her fucking family.  Sometimes I wonder why I’m still with her.

“You have a wife or girlfriend?... 

“…Huh!  Well, sometimes I wish I was like you, single.  But sometimes I really need to get my balls drained.  She gives great head though.  She’s the only girlfriend I had who can take my head in her throat.  I have a big schlong, and every woman I dated complained about its size.  It takes her a long time to throat me.  Most of the time I get frustrated, and I wind up grabbing her head and fucking her mouth.  Eventually it ends in her throat.  She has never taken me down to the root.

“But I really have to be buzzed to get into skull fucking the bitch.  The part she really hates is me dick slapping her.  As I said, I have a gigantic dick.  Smacking her upside her head with my cock usually throws her off balance.  So does a face slap with my hand. 

“When I get in the zone, I am all kinds of aggressive.  I am only after one thing, to bust my nut.  If that means roughing up the bitch, then she’s going to get roughed up.  If I’m drunk enough, I’ll not only fuck her cunt, but she’ll take me in her ass.

“Right now, if she were here, I would be fucking her in every position in every hole.  I wouldn’t care if she was enjoying it.  I’m so fucking horny.  I would use any woman right now.  I can’t have a weekend of jerking off.  Hell, if there was a faggot, I would use him the same way. 

“And it’s a good thing that I have a faggot sitting not ten feet away from me, paying attention to every word I say, licking his lips every time I mention blowjobs, and responding with awkward silence when I asked if he had a bitch back home.  No straight man acts this way.

“I would ask you if you are a cock sucking faggot, but we both know the answer.  Don’t we?  So this is what is going to happen.  I’m going to walk over there, to the men’s toilet.  You want my fat hog in your faggot throat, you follow me in.  Don’t say a word.  Get on your faggot knees and open your faggot mouth. 

“I’ll give you until I drain my piss.  If you don’t come in at that time, then you better be out of here and hide in your room at the lodge.

“I really got to piss, so you don’t have much time….

“…Well fuck.  I would have thought you would have taken some time to think about it.  But OK.

“I really have to piss.  While I do that get in the stall and on your knees.  Be ready for me.  I swear, the beers just pour right through me.  Oh, this feels good—

“What the fuck?  I’m not done pissing….  Oh?  So, you are one of those kinds of faggots.  Nasty piss drinking faggot!  Oh fuck, your mouth feels good.  You are definitely getting a reaction out of my hog.  That’s it for my piss for now.

“Faggot, see how big it is?  You think you can take it?

“Jesus fuck!  Right to the root with no problem!  Holy shit.  You faggots know what you are doing.  Oh man.  This is… fuck!  Oh my god! 

“Bob up and down.  Go head-to-root-to-head-to-root.  Fuck!  This is the blowjob I have been looking for all my life.  Lucky me I found me a faggot with car problems.

“Pull off.  I said, ‘Pull off!’  Look up at me.  Hold still…. 

“…What?  Nothing?  I just gave you one of the hardest bitch slaps I have ever given and you just take it….  Wait, what did you just say?  Did you just thank me… for bitch slapping you?

“Get up.  Get your faggot-ty ass up.  Let’s go.  Move!

“We are going to my room at the lodge.  You are going to spend your night with me. 

“Pay Frank your tab and leave a good tip.  Meet me outside…  A fifty?  You know what a good tip is, that or you didn’t care to wait for him to give you change.

“OK faggot.  I have never used a fag before.  But damn, that one minute in the toilet told me I have been missing out. 

“Over here.  I’m the last room.  The lodge is free for us roughnecks.  The company pays for our housing.  My room is at the end.  It’s a glorified motel room.  I have tons of beer.  You won’t get any, at least not without it going through me first.  Never did that before, but fuck I liked it.

“I plan on being here for four days.  You are going to spend your time with me and my cock down your throat.  You probably take it up your ass.  I will definitely try that out.

“Now listen up.  I have no interest in you or your dick.  I ain’t sucking you or getting fucked by you.  You try anything like that, and I will beat the shit out of you.  Understand me?...  Understand me faggot?

“And keep up the ‘Yes Sir!’  I like the sound of that.  Here we are.  Faggot this is all new for me.  But I will tell you this, I am liking what has been done so far.  I’m so ready to do this.  My cock has not lost it’s hard on.  I may never go back.  Faggot get inside and strip!”

[daisies-daydreams]

Miguel O’Hara and Fem!Reader!!

Can you add smut and praising and reader is a virgin, Miguel and Reader have been dating for a while so reader has been thinking about doing it for a while so she has the courage to ask miguel? :D

thanks!! :))

Paradise (Miguel O'Hara x F!Virgin!Reader)

Header Credits: @natashowlet (center) & Pexels Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x F!Virgin!Reader Category: Fluff/Smut Tags: Use of (Y/N), Making Out, Virginity Loss, Grinding, Foreplay, Vaginal Fingering, Oral Sex (F!Receiving), Multiple Orgasms (Reader), Big Dick Miguel (it's canon I swear), Size Difference, Depictions of Pain (related to virginity loss), Praise Kink, Protected P in V Sex (Wrap the Schlong Before You Donkey Kong), Petnames Word Count: 4k+ A/N: Hello lovely! It's great to hear from you again! (not to mention a request for our man Miguel 😏). I'm sorry if it's not great - it's been a while since I've written and I'm feeling pretty rusty. 😔 Thank you for your request and I hope you enjoy!

Miguel hummed quietly as he stroked his thick fingers through your hair, your smaller form resting in his lap. It's been a long week, and the two of you decided to have a cozy night in. You rested your head on his chest as the two of you snuggled in bed, the sound of rain tapped against your window. While you enjoyed sitting back and relaxing with your love, you couldn't deny the growing fire in the pit of your stomach and how it reached every corner of your body.

You weren't expecting to just blurt it out, but before you could stop yourself, you quickly muttered: "I-I want to do it". You hid your face in your boyfriend's shoulder as he stopped running his fingers through your hair.

"What was that, (Y/N)?" your lover murmured. You kept your head nuzzled against his broad shoulder as heat filled your cheeks. Miguel sighed as he rubbed the small of your back. "Cariño, por fa. I want to hear what you have to say," he gently urged you [honey, please]. Your throat grew tight as you laid your hands on his bare chest.

"I...I said that I want to do it," you said, your voice only slightly louder this time. You flinched when your boyfriend's grip on your back tightened as he sucked in a sharp breath.

"Do you mean..." his voice trailed off as you felt his heart thud against his chest. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you slowly nodded against his shoulder.

"I...I've been wanting to have sex with you for a while, but..." you bit your lip as you wiggled in his lap. You gasped as you felt his hands slip from your spine to your hips, his fingers ghosting over your waist as he breathed against your ear.

"I-I don't know if I'd be the best person for your first time, conejita," he said with a bit of nervousness tinted in his voice [bunny]. You slowly pulled your head up and pinched your brows together.

"What do you mean?" you asked while tilting your head. Miguel's Adam's apple bobbed as he rubbed the back of his head, his hickory eyes avoiding your curious gaze.

"Well, you see..." a dark pink dusted over his sharp cheeks as he tried to find the right words. Your lover eventually closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Hermosa...I just don't want to hurt you," he muttered softly as his wide shoulders slumped [Beautiful]. Your heart instantly melted at his words as your gaze softened. Miguel's eyes snapped open as you pecked his cheek and wrapped your arms around his thick neck.

"Migs, está bien. Confío en ti," you whispered soothingly [Migs, it's okay. I trust you]. Miguel's breath faltered as his eyes glossed over, his body stiff against you as he parted his lips.

"Oh, conejita..." he breathed before pulling you into a tender hug. You smiled as you relished in the gentle brush of his breath over your cheek. Your lover slowly pulled back before staring at you with a more serious gaze.

"You do know that I'll have to do a lot of foreplay, right?" he murmured while gently cupping your chin between his thick thumb and finger. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of his digits burying into your tight, wet cunt while he suckled on you clit.

"I-I don't mind," you said before biting your lip. Miguel smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling before tenderly he pecked your cheek.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" he purred lowly as his hands traced over your thighs. Your heart skipped a beat as he delicately traced his fingertips over your skin, his lips dancing over your jaw.

"Miguel," you flushed as he smiled against your cheek.

"I mean it: you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen," he whispered before gently lying his lips against yours. Your eyes widened as you gripped the back of his neck, your legs spreading across his lap. Miguel groaned as your clothed heat pressed against his crotch, the growing hardness beneath you making you shiver.

"God, you taste so good...I really wanna to know what the rest of you tastes like," Miguel rumbled as his hands squeezed your hips. Your moan echoed against his plump lips as you arched your back. "Will you let me taste you, cariño?" your lover groaned. You sighed heavily and nodded, each nerve in your body lit with arousal.

"Y-Yes," you whispered. You yelped when he suddenly picked you up, his massive palms cupping your ass as he flipped you onto your back. Miguel licked his lips as he gently hooked your shirt with his fingers.

"Are you sure this is okay, (Y/N)?" he asked, his breath cascading over the fabric of your t-shirt. You nodded and sighed as you cupped his face.

"Miguel, it's alright," you gently reassured him. Miguel swallowed thickly before giving a short nod, his eyes trailing over your body before he slowly pulled your shirt up. Goosebumps broke out across your skin as the cool air swept across it, your heart racing beneath your sternum as you gazed up at the loving man before you.

"Look at you, mi vida," Miguel breathed as his fingers dipped behind you, gently picking at your bra clasp as he pecked your lips [my life]. You sighed and tilted your head as your lips met in a sweet embrace, his fingers deftly working your bra off. Your nipples almost instantly hardened as you felt the fabric drift off of your body, your heartrate speeding up even more as you felt his hands gently caress your mounds.

"So ready and eager for me, hm?" he murmured while smoothing his thumbs over your buds. You moaned and arched your chest into his touch as your walls clenched around nothing.

"Y-Yes," you murmured and squirmed beneath him. Miguel sighed softly before leaning down and gently puckering his lips around your right nipple. Your eyes nearly crossed as you gripped his shoulders, the subtle pressure drawing a sharp moan from your lips. Your lover softly massaged your other hard bud with his thumb as he lapped and suckled on your breast.

"O-Oh fuck, Miguel," you mewled. You felt him grin against your soft areola as his other hand slowly worked its way down your stomach before cupping your pussy through your panties.

"Mmm, I can already feel how wet you are for me, conejita," Miguel groaned as his fingers traced over the slick spot in your underwear. You moaned as the tips of your ears burned as he continued to rub your clothed labia while swirling his wet tongue around your perky nipple.

"M-Miguel, please," you whimpered as the growing need for something to be inside of you consumed your mind. Miguel looked up with raised brows.

"What is it, baby?" he murmured in a low, husky voice. You gulped as he rested his palm against your heat.

"I-I want you to eat me out," you said with a deep blush. His grin quickly turned into a smirk as he rested one last kiss on your breast. You arched your back as you felt him leave a trail of wet, sloppy kisses down your stomach before he nipped at the band of your shorts and panties.

"With pleasure, mi amor," Miguel hummed as he hooked his fingers around the top of your pants. Your legs shook as he tugged the rest of your clothes down, strings of your slick breaking off of your panties as the two of you moaned. Miguel's mouth looked like it was practically watering as he used his thumbs to pull your pussy lips apart, a pool of your slick oozing from your puckering hole.

"Jesus, you're completely soaked," Miguel murmured, his lips just barely brushing over your aching clit. "You're so fucking hot," he groaned before sticking his tongue out. Your breath left in short gasps as he gently lapped at your sensitive bundle of nerves, his fingers prodding at your weeping entrance.

"M-Miguel, shit," you moaned as you tangled your fingers in his hair. Miguel sighed as he swirled his tongue around your sensitive clit, the sensation sending sparks of pleasure through your core.

"You taste so good, (Y/N). The sweetest thing I've ever tasted," he rumbled before fully encasing your lower lips with his mouth. Your jaw clenched as you bucked your hips forward, the eager drag of his tongue along your slit drawing a high-pitched squeal from your throat.

"O-Oh Miguel!" you whined as he gently nudged his fingertips inside your eager cunny. Your walls sucked him in as he slowly inched his digits deeper and deeper, his tongue painting lewd shapes around your pulsing clit.

"T-That's-" you gasped as you felt the stretch grow inside your tight cunny. Miguel immediately stopped, drawing a whine from you lips as he leaned back from your dripping pussy.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" he asked, his brows furrowed and mouth curved into a concerned frown. You took a deep breath and shook your head, your legs turning to jelly when you saw his fingers were only half-way inside your sex.

"N-No, it feels really good. Just...not used to the stretch," you confessed with tinted cheeks. Miguel sighed softly and pressed a gentle kiss to your pulsing clit. You mewled as your legs shook around his head, your walls gripping his thick digits with such fervor you were afraid it was going to hurt him. And yet, Miguel continued to flick his warm, wet tongue across your clit while gently curling his digits inside your slick cavern.

"Gonna take it slow then, okay, baby?" he rumbled gently, his plump lips dancing over your labia. You nodded as you ran your fingers through his thick hair. Miguel sighed at your feather-light touch before he dove his head back down, puckering his lips around your engorged button while he slowly began to pump his fingers in and out of your squelching cunt.

"O-Oh fuck, Miguel!" you moaned and gripped his hair. Miguel groaned against your pussy as he licked a bold stripe from your stuffed hole to your clit.

"You feel so tight wet for me, conejita. I can't wait to stretch you out even more with my cock," he said in a husky whisper. Your heart skipped a beat at his words as your pussy gushed over his digits. Miguel chuckled softly. "You want that, hm? Want me to fuck you with my thick, heavy cock?" your boyfriend purred before wetly kissing your clit again. You gasped and squirmed in his grasp.

"Y-Yes," you panted, the drag of his fingers against your gummy walls and his soft lips circling your clit making your body shiver with bliss. You curled your fingers in his dark locks as you gently ground your hips against his face. The room was filled with your combined moans as Miguel devoured your juices with a gutteral groan.

"Fuck, you taste so good," Miguel sighed before gently thrusting deeper inside your cunny. You gasped and gripped his hair as you felt a wave of pleasure crash over you.

"M-Miguel!" you mewled as you practically rode his face. The tension in your lower belly began to slowly build with each grind of your hips and thrust of his sculpted digits.

"Mmm baby," your love grunted as he eagerly lapped along your slit. You whined as you felt him curl his fingertips along your spongey g-spot. Your toes curled as stars danced in your vision.

"M-Miguel, oh my God, I-I'm gonna-" you gasped as he shoved his tongue inside your cunt along with his fingers, the feeling of being stuffed enough to finally make the cord in your lower belly snap. You screamed as your walls clamped down on his fingers and tongue, a white ring of cream painting his digits as your body quaked with pleasure.

"O-Oh, oh my god," you said breathlessly as your hips were glued to his face. Miguel's eyes rolled back as he drank your sweet nectar, his tongue hungrily swiping inside your pulsing cunt. Your knuckles were white as you tightly bunched his hair between your fingers, the pleasure lapping at you like gentle waves in the sea. You slowly blinked your eyes open as tears gently fell down your cheeks. Miguel cooed.

"(Y/N), what's wrong?" he murmured and gently cupped your hip. You swallowed thickly as you gazed into his warm, brown eyes.

"I-I just...it felt so good. I've never come like that before," you confessed breathlessly. A small smile crept onto his face as he kissed the inside of your thigh. You squealed as Miguel lapped at your drenched pussy one last time before planting a sloppy kiss on your clit.

"You deserve to feel that good, every day, every second," Miguel panted as he slowly withdrew his fingers from your slick walls. You shuddered at the emptiness that filled your gaping sex as his digits left with a slick "pop". You panted heavily as you watched him get on his knees, his heavy cock straining against his pants.

"See what you do to me, baby?" he purred and gently took your hand, placing it over his dick. Your eyes widened as you felt how warm and thick it felt, your mouth watering as you found yourself yearning for a taste. Miguel chuckled as his eyes twinkled. "Ah, ah - not yet. Tonight, I want to spoil you, mi ángel," your love softly chastised you as he unbuckled his belt [my angel]. Your hand remained on his clothed cock as he slowly unzipped and unbuttoned his pants, a dark spot of precum already leaking through the crotch of his briefs as you swallowed thickly.

"M-Miguel...I don't know if-if..." you sucked in a sharp breath as your voice trailed off. Miguel adjusted himself on the bed as he gently cupped your cheek.

"Honey, if you don't feel comfortable, we can always try some other time," he said softly and kissed your lips. The sweet taste of yourself lingered on his lips and tongue as the two of you embraced. Miguel soon pulled back and sighed.

"N-No, it's not that, it's just-" you cut yourself off again and sighed, picking at a section of the ruffled bedsheets. Miguel tilted his head as he patiently waited for you to continue, this large thumb stroking your soft cheek. You sighed. "Are you sure you don't look down on me for having no experience?" you asked. His eyes softened as his hands traveled from your face to your hands.

"Oh, sweetheart, I would never look down on you for that," he whispered and gently kissed your cheek. "You're such an incredible person, experience or no experience," Miguel praised and tucked some hair behind your ear. You smiled as you gazed into his pools of hickory. Miguel chuckled softly as you leaned forward and captured his lips in a sweet kiss. Your hands rested on his broad shoulders while he gently rubbed his hips. His smile widened as you pushed him back, his heavy body falling against the mattress as your lips continued to dance.

You squealed as he hugged your hips with his massive palms, his fingers digging into your skin.

"Love all the little sounds you make, mi amor," Miguel purred as he slid his hands to cup your ass. You gasped and blushed as you felt him tenderly squeeze your supple cheeks.

"M-Miguel," you mewled and arched your back, your slick pussy grazing over his barely clothed cock. Miguel groaned as pure desire danced in the light of his eyes.

"Por fa, conejita," your lover rumbled as he slowly ground his hips against yours. Your eyes nearly fluttered shut as you felt the steady drag of his erection against your sensitive sex.

"Miguel...I'm yours. All yours," you moaned.

That was it for him.

You gasped as he gently moved you onto your back again, your legs falling open as your throat grew tight. Miguel sighed deeply as he pulled his boxers down his taut, muscular thighs. Your jaw dropped as his cock sprang free, his cherry-red tip weeping with thick beads of precum while his veiny shaft twitched.

"God, you have no idea how long I've waited for this moment," he growled as he reached into his nightstand. Your heart fluttered at the sound of the condom packet crinkling between his fingers, a bottle of lube in his other hand. Your eyes lit up as he snatched it between his teeth, his gaze locked with yours as he ripped the top off and spat it to the side.

"Mi vida..." Miguel groaned as he rolled the condom onto his heavy cock [My life]. Your walls pulsed in anticipation as your breath hitched.

"Miguel, p-please - I need you," you whined and gently moved your hips forward. His lips curved into a small grin as he chuckled softly.

"I'm here, ángel. Just give me a second," your boyfriend said as he popped open the bottle of lube. You looked up at him with your sparkling eyes as you made your bottom lip quiver ever so slightly. Miguel clicked his tongue. "Ah, don't give me that look," he warned playfully. You squirmed and ran your fingertips down his broad chest.

"Miguel, por fa: te necesito dentro de mi," you purred and gently cupped his balls with your warm palm [Miguel, please: I need you inside me]. Miguel's eyes rolled back as he groaned.

"N-No es justo. Estas j-jugando sucia," Miguel moaned as you gently squeezed his plump testicles [It's not fair. You're playing dirty]. You gave him a tiny smirk as you rubbed his sac with your palm, relishing in the low rumble that escaped from his throat.

"¿Por fa...Papi?" you purred [Please...Daddy?]. Your eyes widened at the feral groan that escaped Miguel's parted lips as he bucked his hips against your fingers. His hot breath cascaded over your face as he cupped the back of your thighs with his hands, his brows scrunched together as he positioned himself against your aching entrance. You moaned as he slowly smeared some lube on your already slick folds, the cold wetness sending a shiver through your body.

"(Y/N), once we do this, there's no turning back," he panted heavily. You swallowed thickly as you moved your hands to rest on his biceps, your gaze soft as you looked into his deep, brown eyes.

"I know, Miguel...but I trust you. You're the only one I want to do this with," you reassured him with a gentle whisper. Miguel's expression softened before he sucked in a sharp breath. You smiled as he dipped his head down and captured your lips in a tender kiss.

"You're so perfect," he grinned gently as he slowly pushed his hips forward. A small gasp left you as you felt the tight ring of your entrance split apart, a mix of pleasure mixed with a subtle sting ebbing through your core. "That's my girl - taking me so well. We're just gonna go slow for now, okay?" Miguel breathed with a slight shudder as he gently pressed his tip further inside you. You swallowed the growing lump in your throat as you gave a firm nod, tears pricking from the growing sensation in your tight sex.

"O-Okay," you managed to moan out as your thighs shook in his grasp. Miguel grinned against your cheek before he began to press soft, delicate kisses to your swollen lips.

"You're doing great, mi vida," Miguel purred lowly as he moved deeper inside your gummy walls.

"O-Oh shit," you gulped as you felt one of his veins drag along your sensitive flesh, your walls clenching around his dick in a delicious vice. Miguel moaned as his lips continued to pepper yours with sweet, slow embraces.

"Squeezing me so tightly, baby - I love it," he groaned. The two of you gasped as he fully filled your tight heat. You frowned when you looked between your two bodies.

"It...It didn't fit all the way," you said with a crack in your voice. Miguel tilted his head as he looked down as well before smiling softly.

"It's alright, sweetheart. It's your first time - I'm sure I'll fit with more practice," your love said with a playful wink. The warmth in your voice made your body go limp against the sheets as a soft moan escaped you. Miguel chuckled softly as he softly pecked your cheek. "Besides, you already feel perfect...just like this," he murmured lowly before giving the back of your thighs a cheeky squeeze. You squealed as your toes curled.

"Miguel," you blushed and squirmed beneath him, his cock twitching inside your core at the movement. Miguel hissed as your nails sank into his mocha skin as your walls fluttered around his shaft.

"Careful, conejita. I might come a little too soon," he teased with a lopsided grin. You chuckled quietly before you felt him slowly drag his hips back. Your jaw went slack as you felt his twitching cock massage your insides with a loud squelch, your core lit ablaze with sublime pleasure and pain. Your nails dug deep crescents into his muscular forearms as your moans mixed into a harmonious song.

"Are you feeling alright?" Miguel asked with a thick swallow, his cock still a quarter of the way inside your weeping cunt. You blinked as you looked into his eyes and parted your lips.

"Y-Yes, just feels s-so full, and stings a bit," you panted. Miguel nodded slowly before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"I know it's a lot, but that's why I want to take my time with you," he said, as if reassuring not only you, but himself as well. You gave him a small, gentle smile and nodded. Miguel took a shaky, deep breath as he slowly pushed himself back inside the warm, tight grasp of your pussy. You tilted your head back and moaned as he gently moved his hands from your thighs to your hips, grasping at your tender skin as the steady push and pull of his cock made your head spin.

The pain of the sting slowly melted into pleasure each time you felt his tip kiss your raw cervix.

"Oh my god, bebé," Miguel groaned against your lips as his hips began to move a little faster. "I swear, I could get drunk off the feeling of you," he grunted. Your eyes rolled back as your legs shook around him.

"F-Fuck Miguel!" you moaned as you felt his heavy balls wetly slap against the lewd concoction of lube and your warm slick. Your love rested his forehead against yours as the bedframe began to creak, the sound of skin slapping against skin making your walls tighten.

"Miguel, s-shit I'm close!" you cried out as your body trembled with unbridled bliss. Miguel tilted his head back as he squeezed your hips.

"Come for me, baby. Show Papi that gorgeous face you make when you come on his cock," he rumbled. Your heart nearly stopped as you felt your cunt clamp down on his girthy dick.

"Miguel!" you sobbed his name as you gushed around his length, your body shivering with pleasure as you wailed. You barely heard Miguel groan your name as he continued to pump his cock inside of you, the pace sending shockwaves through your sensitive, pulsing core.

"Oh, fuck," you said breathlessly as waves of euphoria washed over you. You hastily gripped Miguel's arms as he panted against your neck, his breath hot as it hit your goosebump-ridden skin.

"(Y-Y/N), fuck," he grunted gutturally as his pace began to grow more sloppy with each thrust. Your entire body shivered as you gripped onto Miguel like a lifeline, your mind swimming in a haze of ecstasy.

"Miguel," you cooed softly as you gazed at his face wrought with pleasure. Miguel growled at the sound of his name falling from your lips as he slammed his hips down one last time. A sharp, deep groan rose from his throat as he stiffened above you.

"Oh my God," your lover moaned as his cock throbbed deep inside your core. You arched your back as you felt his cum flood the thin layer of latex between your bodies, a primal part deep inside of you wishing that he would've filled you up with his thick seed. Eventually, Miguel's breathing began to steady as he slowly blinked his eyes open again. He swallowed before gently cupping your cheek.

"Are-Are you okay? I wasn't too rough, was I?" he asked tenderly. You smiled and shook your head.

"No, no it was...it was perfect," you said and gently kissed the side of his hand. Miguel's expression softened at the feeling of your warm lips pressed against his hand, a gentle smile crossing his features.

"You're perfect," he murmured softly. You squealed as he scooped you into his arms, his cock still snug inside of your dripping cunt as he nuzzled his face into your neck. His body curved over yours as he spooned you in his bed, your feet intertwined as his lips ghosted over your pulse.

"Te amo mucho, mi vida," he whispered softly as his hand moved over your stomach [I love you so much, my life]. You smiled softly, closing your eyes as you soaked in the warmth of his body and sweet words.

"Te amo mucho, mi amor," you murmured in the sanctuary of his burly arms [I love you so much, my love].

____

Thank you for reading! ❤️

Taglist: @yuhhtricki999 @lavenderbabu @thedevax @famouscattale @spktrgantenk @zombieblogx @mrswhitethornbelikov @migueloharastruelove @galaxy-dusk @samanthashadowriley @theloneshadow24 @xxkay15xx @inspace1 @manlikemilesmyguy @ghostslynx @synamonthy @oharasfilipinawife @scaleniusrm @jotarossshark @acotarobbsessed @8xbygirl @catchmeupimgettingoutofhere @lyrasdrawer @mcmiracles @genma-support-group @rattybimbo @rinyukaa

Want to be a part of my taglist? Comment down below! (MUST BE 18 OR OLDER)

[nctstar]

Can I get a smut of Johnny suh using his size and strength kink on a petite female Y/N? Thank you~

heyy! i'm so sorry this is absurdly late :(( but hope you still like it! <3

small

Wasting no time to rid himself of his clothes, he spoke. “This room is fine, right?” Muscles bulging as he fiddled with his shirt, the ridges of his chest drawing in the singlet, you bit your finger almost comically. “Hello? Earth to _?” The brown of his eyes were soft, a sharp contrast to his stature. He smirked, his hair bouncing as he threw his head back slightly. “Like what you see?”

pairing: johnny suh x fem!reader

other members: none

word count: 2.4k

genre: romance, smut

warnings: sexual content so minors please dni!! as per the request the reader is smaller than Johnny but I refrained from describing body parts or her specific size or anything like that, she is just short. if you're sensitive to this kind of talk though maybe don't read <3 mild profanity, lots of kissing, johnny carries reader, manhandling, descriptions of johnny's torso and body throughout, dirty talk about the size of his ding dong schlong, mild degradation (use of slut), ripping clothes bc those muscles do more than lift weights <3, clitoral stimulation/fingering, reader is pretty slutty and dumb during sex (aren't we all), missionary sex, praising (sweet girl, good girl), condom use, talking after sex (post nut clarity fr)

disclaimer: this is a fanfiction purely from my (filthy) imagination. I don't know the nct members and don't claim that they act like this in real life. I also do not condone any of the activity by any of the characters in this fic. 

a/n: i have been in such a writer's slump particularly with smut! like i think i need some time off to write some good fics and some good smut, so i'm sorry anon and to all my lovely readers if this is shit :(

“Now why would he ever say that?” You peeked at your friend pacing around your small room through your hair. Scissors in one hand, your (new) bangs in the other, you winced. “Wait, girl, I made a mistake I think.”

She sighed as you let the strands flutter across your forehead, uneasiness settling in your stomach. “Didn’t you follow what he said?” Brad Mondo’s curtain bangs tutorial continued in the background as you turned your head expectantly from side to side. Your friend held your head in place with open palms, looking at you through the mirror. “It’s actually kinda cute. Makes you look…well…”

“Don’t say small.” She snorted, bringing a hand to her face to unsuccessfully cover her mouth. “I don’t care, that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”

You pushed yourself off the stool, rolling your eyes as you started undressing. “He didn’t mean it like that.” Your belt clinked as your jeans fell to the carpet, and you started bringing your shirt over your heard. “I’m sure it was his way of complimenting me.” Despite all your efforts, you couldn’t stop the annoyance that cemented your words into place. “I guess.”

“Girl, you need to tell him that it bothers you.”

“It doesn’t bother me.”

“Yeah, and it’s not weird to call some girl you’ve been on two dates with small.”

The doorbell cut through the air, making you both jump. “Shit. It’s like he heard or something.”

“Shit. Wait, just let him in and get him to wait downstairs. Okay?” Sudden panic was settling into your body, making your hands shake. Your friend got the message and hurried downstairs, zipping her skirt up in record time while hobbling downstairs. “Hope I don’t smell like chicken. I hate having shifts on Fridays.”

Staring at your reflection in the mirror, you pulled the skirt over the curves of your thighs and butt, watching the way it held onto your body. Stuffing the ends of the top into the skirt, you walked over to pick out a pair of shoes.

“I’m heading out! Johnny’s waiting down here!” Your friend’s voice made your body do the kind of useless flurry that it does whenever you know you’re running out of time, and you drag out the highest heels you own. Small, my ass.

“Hey!” As usual, he softened his frame when he saw you, placing his hands in his pockets and smiling so big so you would forget to feel intimidated by his 6-foot stature, or rock-hard physique. His eyes were like small moons, bursting on his face whenever he smiled. “Hey, nice bangs.” You instinctively went to fiddle with them, silently cursing yourself for messing them up. “Thanks.” Your smile was a little forced, but you were giddy to see him, your body rocking back and forth without your permission, ankles rubbing against each other.

∞

“The pasta was so good,” you couldn’t stop raving, your hips knocking into Johnny as he walked you home, arms linked. “Like seriously, Johnny. So good.”

He laughed, the sound leaving him effortlessly. “I’m so glad you liked it. I remember the pasta here being amazing, but I was worried you would think I’m cheap or not taking you seriously. The place being run down and all.” You shook your head, your bangs shuffling from side to side as you did. “No, of course not. I would rather eat something good on the street than a tiny portion of something small and pretentious at an upscale place.”

He hummed, moonlight hitting his body, softening some angles and sharpening others, hair glowing golden brown as he walked. Your heels clacked against the linoleum of your front porch as you wondered whether your friend was home, but before you could reach for the front door, your knees buckled. You let out a small gasp as you felt Johnny’s arms around your body, pinching into your skin almost uncomfortably. “Oh shit! I’m okay, babe.” You both froze at the sudden nickname, his arms loosening around you as you straightened up. You shakily continued. “U-uhm, sorry, I mean-“

“I think your shoes broke.”                                                                   

Yeah, no shit, you wanted to bite back. But you held your tongue, frustration seeping through your pores as you held onto the rail, Johnny hovering protectively over you as you took the right heel off, now newly broken in two pieces. “Oh my god. These were so expensive! Ugh!”

“It’s okay. Maybe I can buy you another pair. Babe.” He said the last word almost sarcastically, and you glared at him. “Johnny.”

“I’m serious. I’m sorry those broke so easily. I’ll bring a new pair next time?”

“Johnny, wait.”

“You like me, right?” His face crumpled just a tiny bit. Not exaggerated like in the movies or anything, so subtle you would never notice from afar, or if you weren’t close. You warmed at the thought of knowing him so closely, so well, enough to know that something was not right in the lines of his eyebrows.

You gulped, not knowing how to respond.

“I feel like you kinda hate me.” He crinkled his nose when he said hate, almost sarcastically, but his tone jabbed you straight in the chest. You shook your head. No, of course not, you wanted to say. I like you. I like you so much. But I am small to you. I wonder if you think of me as small. Do YOU like me?

“I just, I don’t like being small.” He frowned, and so did you, the words sounding stupid as soon as they filled the small space between your bodies. “I mean, you called me small the other day. And I know you probably, well, definitely, meant it as a cute thing. Like physically. Like a term of endearment, you know? But, I don’t wanna be seen as small, like more than physically. You know what I mean?” You cringed internally at your words, watching him stare blankly back at you.

“Right.”

“I’m so sorry. I sound like such a jerk. I don’t mean to be hung up over one little word you said.” You bit your lip, tasting the remnants of your lipstick on your tongue. “It’s just what made me feel a little weird. But, I do like you, Johnny.” Your heart raced as you looked up at him. Your body moved without permission for the umpteenth time, and your arms melted around his hips, fingers splaying across the small of his back. Your mind screamed at you, but your body ignored it, burning up from within.

Tentatively, he brought one hand to your chin, skin warm but rough on yours. “I don’t think low of you. I never have. I just think you’re so fucking gorgeous. So perfect the way you are.” The butterflies in your stomach were now dancing, free, leaping over hills and grassy plains. “Sorry for the poor choice of words.”

You smiled, some of the tension leaving you as you let your bodies merge seamlessly, like lanes on an open road, like the sun as it meets the horizon. You kicked off your other shoe, standing on your tiptoes to meet his lips with yours. He tentatively glazed his hands over your sides, making you shiver and moan into his mouth. You brought your fingers to the nape of his neck, savouring the taste. “Mmm, Johnn-“

You yelped when he gripped your thigh, guiding it to press against his hips. “Jump up for me, baby.” You giggled, nodding as you straddled him, his torso gently rebounding back with your weight. As you met his lips once more, dragging your forearms across the top of his shoulders, you heard your front door open and close, the door to the downstairs bedroom fling wide open. As your back hit the bed, your hair splayed out onto the fresh sheets, knees bent, lipstick smeared.

Wasting no time to rid himself of his clothes, he spoke. “This room is fine, right?” Muscles bulging as he fiddled with his shirt, the ridges of his chest drawing in the singlet, you bit your finger almost comically. “Hello? Earth to _?” The brown of his eyes were soft, a sharp contrast to his stature. He smirked, his hair bouncing as he threw his head back slightly. “Like what you see?”

“Uh huh.” All the shame left your body as you drew circles on his body and face with your eyes, letting his thick frame tower over you. “Is this okay?” He breathed into your collarbone, and when you nodded fervently, you felt his lips suck and nip at your neck. Gasping, you gripped onto his neck, letting your ankles hook around the back of his jean-clad legs. “Y-yes. Yes please. Don’t tease, I want y-you so much.”

“Yeah?” He played with the buttons of your top, but you stopped him. “I can’t wait…just rip it off, please. I need you. Right now. Please, just use me. I know you can.” He drew an eyebrow upwards, and you almost felt a slight twinge of embarrassment until you heard the top rip, cold air exposing your lace bra, tits bulging as you arched your chest off the bed. “What a slut. Is this what you wanted all along?” He laughed as you wriggled under him, mouth latching onto the tops of your boobs. He released you only to throw your arms up, pinning your wrists down to the bed to watch your reaction. When you bit your lip in response, bringing your core closer to his, he laughed darkly. “Freak.”

“Yes, just for you, fuck, please.”

“Bet you’re just soaked under this tight little skirt. Want me to rip this off too?” You nodded before he could even finish his sentence, and the sound of your fabric ripping filled the air. “Mmm, just as I suspected.” As he dragged your panties down your thighs, you felt your wetness pool onto the sheets under you. “Please, please, hold me down and fuck me.” You whispered into his ear, letting your plump lips graze against his skin as you massaged the nape of his neck with your fingers. You whimpered when his jean-clad bulge bumped against your clit, the burn in your core growing with every passing second.

He kissed you deeply, pulling away at an agonising pace. “Tell me why, baby.” You whined, trying to gather some friction between your legs with no avail. His arms pinned yours to either side of your head, his legs like heavy weights against yours. “Please, I just, I want your cock i-inside me, w-want it to split me open…” He shook his head. “What makes you think I would do that to you? I’m too big for you, honey.”

You whined. “N-no, please. I don’t care, just, push it in me…” He laughed, kissing you. “Please, I want to feel so full…” He shushed you, sitting up to unbuckle his jeans. “Mmm, yes, yes please…” You were just babbling nonsense, the anticipation too intense to bear. His cock sprung out of his boxers, hitting his stomach, precum spilling out the edges of the tip. You heard him rip open a condom packet, dragging it on his length at lightning speed. He ran his cockhead through the folds of your pussy, making you whimper. “So wet.” He breathed, and you gasped as his tip entered you at an agonisingly slow place. “J-Johnny.” Your brain fought your body, wanting him to continue but feeling apprehensive at the impending stretch. “You’re so big. Fuck.” You snuck a hand down towards your clit, but Johnny grabbed your wrist, leaning over to kiss your chin. “Let me.” As he pressed one finger onto your core, you gasped, back arching, eyes squeezing shut. “O-oh, oh my…”

“You like that?” He started speeding up, your gasps and moans like drugs to his system. When he pulled away, he started pushing his length in, and you let out a deep breath, as if you had been holding it in the entire time. “Fuck.” You drawled, feeling him in every corner of your insides. “Fuck, Johnny. You’re, you’re so big, and s-strong.”

Johnny laughed, and you wondered for a second whether you had ruined the mood. “My cock making you lose your filter, babe?” You blushed, but the constant bump and stretch on your clit had your vision go foggy, your head spinning deliriously. You used your forearms to push away, breathing deeply as if his cock had suffocated you from the inside out. Johnny wrapped his arms around your hips, bringing you flush against his pelvis in one swift movement. “Uh uh, where do you think you’re going?” His snarkiness and the fulness in your lower stomach made your core squeeze excessively. “Ah, shit! Fuck, I think I’m gon-“ You felt it before you could finish your sentence, your climax stealing the words out of your mouth, making your heart thump incessantly against your ribcage.

Johnny cooed at your, his forearms now caging you by your head, peppering light kisses on your face. “You alright, sweet girl?” You nodded, gasping. “Please, please move.” He chuckled, groaning as he pulled back to thrust into you, making you throw your head back and scream. “Fuck, oh my god.” Your body shook with the force of his steady thrusts, his legs pinning your body down to the bed. “Good girl, that’s it.” He groaned, getting sloppier as he reached his climax. “You’re so good for me. So eager for me to pin you down and fuck you. Because I’m so big and strong, right?” You reached for Johnny’s neck, the embarrassment at your previous comments leaving you as you felt your core tighten, coil ready to snap. “Fuck, you just gripped me so tight, fuck. Nasty girl.” You moaned as you came, feeling him release inside the condom with a throaty moan.

Both of you heaving, gasping for air, you pulled Johnny close to your body, kissing his collarbone, his neck, his face. “I do like you, a lot.” Your breath tickled his skin as you spoke, and he stroked your hair gently with one hand, using the other to pull away from you to look into your eyes. “I’m sorry for calling you small. I admit, it’s a little weird.”

“Apology accepted. I think we’ve both called each other things we’re never gonna say again.”

“No, hon, you should always call me big and strong Johnny-“

“Johnny, please. Never mention that again. It was a moment of weakness!” You whined, shielding your face as he laughed, slipping off you to lie next to you on the bed. “Kinda sexy though.” You slapped his arm playfully, laughing as slipped down his forearm to take his hand in yours.

“I’ll think of something better for next time, promise.”

[aidaronan]

Welcome to the Lube Chute!

Some We're-A-Package-Deal Summer Job Stobin crack, dedicated to @griefabyss69. Also shout out to @wynnyfryd who said the Lube Chute sounded like the location of Stobin's next fail summer job after Family Video got destroyed. "No, I'm telling you, Steve. We have to say it every time."

"We have to say, 'Welcome to the Lube Chute, where our main goal is fillin' all your holes,' every time?"

"Every time." Robin shrugged her shoulders. "It's the whole 'ocean of flavor' thing all over again." She'd started at the Lube Chute a week before him, owing to his need to hover over Eddie while his body knitted itself back together. By the time Steve had decided Eddie could get to the fridge and the bathroom on his own, she had been deemed competent enough to show him the register and inventory procedures.

"Yeah, except 'ocean of flavor' was about ice cream," Steve said. "And this is about, you know, rubber dicks."

"That's the way of stupid retail, huh." Robin sighed dramatically and hopped upon the counter. Next to her sat an open box of flavored lubes. She picked up a pricing gun and started affixing them with stickers.

A few minutes later, the door dinged with the sound of someone pushing their way into the shop. A regular-looking latino man in jeans and a faded Zeppelin tee stepped into the shop.

Steve gave Robin a pleading look, and she pulled her lips thin in sympathy and mouthed, "sorry, your turn." God. Welp. He may as well rip off the Band-Aid.

"Welcome to the Lube Chute," Steve said flatly, "where our goal is fillin' holes."

The guy snorted softly and went on his way, moving toward a rack of adult video tapes. Meanwhile, Robin kept her head down, looking pointedly to where she'd slapped a $.3.99 label onto a bottle of Maxxx Slick Strawberry.

"Like obviously I don't care," she said. "But it is 'where our main goal is fillin' all your holes.'"

"Ugh." Steve rolled his eyes up at the ceiling. "Why is it, like, so long?"

Curling his chin back around, he found the customer at the counter holding Dr. Lovesmuscles's Foot Long Schlong. The customer looked between it and Steve before raising his eyebrows. Shit and fuck. For the first time in literally ever, Steve wished he was back in those tiny Scoops shorts.

"I wasn't... I didn't mean the... I..." Steve stared at the guy over the counter and then gave up on trying to explain, punching things into the register as fast as he could so he could end the interaction. "So for the video and the toy, that comes to $18.39 with tax."

Steve made made change for a $20, put the guy's things into a nondescript brown paper bag, and then bit back a groan when he realized he had to embarrass himself one more time before it was all over.

"Thank you for visiting the Lube Chute. Remember if the base ain't flared, it doesn't go up there. Have a nice day!"

Next to him, Robin coughed into her elbow. When Steve looked over, he found her reading the back of one of the lube bottles, this one watermelon flavored.

"What do you think potassium sorbate even is?" Robin asked. "I mean, I know what potassium is. I passed chem and got into college—go Wildcats. Just... potassium sorbate. What does it even do?"

Steve stared at her for a long moment and then snatched the pricing gun from her hand. #

It was late July. August loomed and with it so did the end of possibly their last summer job together. After this, they were both slated to leave Hawkins. Robin to Northwestern, Steve to Chicago to be near her (and because it made sense as a base for Eddie to work on growing his music career.)

On this particular Wednesday, they had a huge shipment of video tapes to go through. Other than the scantily clad and sometimes fully nude women on the covers, it felt a lot like being back at Family Video. They quickly priced and stocked the tapes that were for sale, and then they worked on storing the covers for the rentals and putting them in the rental cases and then into the system.

"God, Steve, I am just, like, so gay," Robin whispered under her breath for the fifth or sixth time as she stared wide-eyed at a VHS cover. On it, a redheaded woman stared into the camera, her breasts exposed, her hand disappearing down the front of her very thin white panties. "You do know you can just, like, check one of these out, right?" Steve asked. "You're an adult. No one would—" Steve cut himself off when the bell over the door jingled. Jumping at the sound, Robin almost dropped the tape, fumbling with it several times before Steve snatched it from the air and handed it back to her. She was blushing hard when she went to put it into the computer.

One crisis averted, Steve turned toward the door to find one of the owners coming in. Shit.

Steve had slacked off on the welcome and goodbye phrases over the course of the summer because, well, he didn't want to say them. And now he wasn't sure he even remembered them properly. Shit, shit, shit.

He smiled and nodded as the owner approached the counter. Stephanie was a sleek, blonde woman who looked nothing like the kind of person you might expect to own a sex shop.

"Order come in okay?" she asked.

"Oh, uh, one damaged tape so far," Steve said. "Definitely an improvement over the last order."

'If the base is too...' No, that wasn't it.

"Love to hear that since I spent 3 hours yelling at the distributor after that incident."

'Where we fill holes for...' Definitely not.

"Yeah, right, sucked for us too beca—" Steve froze as a customer walked into the shop. He looked over at Robin, hoping to catch her eyes for a save, but she was laser-focused on sorting another box of tapes into alphabetical order for processing.

Fuck. Steve smiled at the incoming customer. Okay, he could do this. Deep breath, winning smile. "Welcome to the Lube Chute, where our main goal is fillin' all your holes."

Robin inhaled a deep gasp right around the same time that Stephanie burst into raucous laughter, throwing her head back and exposing her slender throat. In another life where he wasn't already tits over ass for Eddie Munson, he would've had to fall a little in love with her.

"Oh my God, that is too good." Stephanie wiped tears form her eyes with her thumbs and then giggled a few more times. "Jesus, Steve. Did you come up with that on your own?"

"Wha—?" Steve snapped his eyes over to Robin, who had her teeth set in grimace that would have been comedic at any other time. Shoulders pulled up around her ears, her eyes bled with apology.

Steve clenched his jaw and turned back to Stephanie, slipping into the most suave persona he could muster under those conditions. "Oh, you know, just thought you'd get a kick out of it."

"Well, you were right about that." Stephanie shook her head and grabbed the money bag to take it to the bank. "'Fillin' holes!" She laughed again on her way out the door.

Steve watched like a hawk as her car pulled out of the parking lot and then rounded on Robin, voice low as the customer browsed the "New Videos!" display.

"You told me we HAD to say..."

"Oh my God, I was gonna tell you after, like, a week, but then you stopped doing it on your own, so I just kinda..." Robin made a wobbly gesture with both hands, and Steve sighed deeply.

"You're walking home today," he said, but they both knew he didn't mean it, especially when his lunch break rolled around and he saved her half his orange as usual. # It was still July, and they could see the customer approaching from the parking lot. "Steve," Robin said. "Steve, please." "I want to point out that it's your own fault that you have to do this now, officially, as part of company policy. Because Stephanie liked it so much." "Steve, but..." Steve jutted his hip out against the counter and crossed his arms, waiting. With the same put-upon sigh he'd grown used to at Scoops and Family Video, Robin drew herself up taller and slapped her hands down on either side of the register. Through the front door, a fat woman with curly brown hair stepped into the shop. Robin beamed at her. "Welcome to the Lube Chute! Where our main goal is fillin' all your holes."

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

This will be more of a vent post than it is a critique or review. It’s just something I personally find so agitating and I wanted to talk about it to just get the feelings of my chest.

I hate. And I mean hate. That they named her “Vaggie”

More below cut/includes slight spoilers from released content and leaked audition sheets.

I just. And please keep in mind that this is all my personal opinion and you’re allowed to think whatever you want. You can love her name and think it’s the most creative beautiful name in the world and that’s fine. That’s your opinion, and that’s great!!

But this is my opinion—V’s name isn’t funny. It’s not creative or clever.

It comes off as trying to be “edgy” or daring, but it just flops. And it’s incredibly frustrating to be sapphic (I’m a lesbian) and to see one of only TWO sapphic characters be literally named after “female” genitalia.

And I wondered for a while if I was just being weirdly picky about this, but if this leak turns out to be real (and I am PRAYING it’s not):

Then the exterminators, a seemingly entire female group, are named after genitalia. Like. Why? What is the point of having a group of characters being named after genitals??

I have a hard time describing why this makes me so angry and makes me feel so disrespected. I think it’s because:

1. Whether intentional or not, it comes off as reducing women characters to their genitalia.

2. It’s reducing a sapphic (possibly lesbian, but never confirmed) character to her genitals. Again, whether or not this is intended, the writers have made it so that everyone who hears these characters names immediately thinks “oh like Vagina”. This is even a joke in the prequel comics:

And the FIRST EPISODE:

Apparently the original character that V is based on was actually named “Vagina” just straight up. Oh but they used a Y. Because. That really makes it unique a cool. (Being sarcastic)

3. Again. I don’t care if this was the intent or not. But it feels just so so reductive to name a whole GROUP of women characters after different female genital parts. It’s just disrespectful. And again, I don’t think it was meant to be this—but it just? It’s so reductive and just stupid.

Like. I also want to make it clear that I’d be saying the SAME thing as I am now if it was a male character named “Penissy” or “Scrothomas” or some stupid shit. If Angel Dust’s name was like… “Tainty” or “Schlong” or something I would also be frustrated and upset.

Because that would be the same thing. A gay man character reduced to his genitals. Anyway this is done, it’s disrespectful and feels gross and reductive to me.

But I don’t know what I expected because this is the same writing team that thinks a character referring to himself as “The Dickmaster” and saying “dick” 600 times in a row is peak comedy writing. Ugh.

Again, I’m sorry this is more a personal vent than any sort of review or critique. I’m genuinely hoping that the Lute audition sheet is not anything that will show up in the show, and that Clitorissa and Labianne will never see the light of day. It’s just.

It’s not funny. It’s stupid, and annoying, and I hate it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And V deserved to be called by a real name, not a edgy unfunny punchline.

[revscarecrow]

In 2020 I remember getting a YouTube ad, about 5 seconds long, where a guy in the shower was cranking his massive fat schlong. The ad was for penis growth cream, the kind of ad you see on porn sites. Just straight up uncensored jerk off schmeat content on YouTube.

On a related note I once got a twitch ad on your stream from the Texas tourism board

Sorry about the weird ad I tried sex appeal for a while to really get my channel going and it didn't work. I got reported for harmful content as my dick is just that weirdly big.

[cadaveerie]

related to this post about the gameinformer articles.... but also kinda unrelated: here are some funny things that i realized while putting it together:

the names of the pictures that you can read on the drive are the names they were originally uploaded with by gameinformer. my hightlights are "davris" and "tassh".

i'm. sorry. it's driving me insane that when talking about romance they have A PICTURE OF HARDING AND VARRIC to accompany it. like ok, we know we can romance her, BUT WHY VARRICCC WHYYYY

THE SAME PICTURE IS USED IN THE NUDITY ARTICLE. AND THE COVER IMAGE FOR THAT ONE IS SOLAS. WHAT AFJSHGHSGL ARE WE FINALLY GONNA SEE THEM NAKED-

*loads the game* *a varric x solas very explicit sex scene unfolds before my eyes* wow... goty

sorry i just thought it was. funny. and weird. and suspicious. *tries very hard not to make this post part of his varricmancer agenda* auuuggghhh..

anyway that's it.. can't believe we'll FINALLY see varric's hairy ass and solas' massive schlong in 4k *gets shot*