#sorry about the reference to sex addiction everyone

[biteyoubiteme]

needy jealousy

yeonjun x fem!reader x kai

synopsis: your boyfriends decide to join nonutnovember.

warnings: 🔞!!! throuple/poly, established realtionship, no mxm, no protection, mentions of cum eating, creampie(s),she/her used prob forgot some sorry

wc: 3.4k

an: not proofread pls have mercy im so sleepy, I told myself I would keep these under 2k and im a liar bc as soon as this came in I knew I wouldn't be able to make it short ;-; hopefully it’s good lol thank you so much for the request @apeachty ily and you know exactly what I want to write next without even trying lol our minds are linked. also peep the reference to busy signal! anyways I have a whole bunch of other yeonkai x reader fics so check them out if you want!

[m.list] [1kevent! m.list]

“no,”

“what do you mean by no?” yeonjun asks, “You can’t or won’t?” He's leaning back against the headboard, scrolling on his phone when he gets the message in his group chat. 

“I won’t,” you shrug, snuggling closer to Kai. He's half asleep, nose pressed to the back of your neck, arms loosely wrapped around you. 

“It's only one month, you’re saying you can’t go one month without sex?” 

“Not that I can’t, just that I won’t. It’s so stupid if I want to cum I will, with or without you,” you pat the back of huenings hand resting against your stomach. “I do have two boys to take care of me,” 

kai chuckles, sleep ridden in the rumble on your back, “I’m going to try it,” 

“I cannot believe both of you are falling into peer pressure, just cause the other boys are doing it doesn’t mean you have to,” 

“I was told if I hold out longer than beomgyu I get a free coffee for every day I last,” yeonjun flips his phone for you to see his chat, and sure enough everyone is bragging about how they could make it till the end of November without getting off. 

“Fine, do what you want. I’m not going to sit and beg you,” holding up two fingers you wave them in his face, “I can do it myself,” 

“You don't even know how to use these,” he grabs at your wrist, pressing a kiss to your fingertips. 

“I'll spend the month learning, or I'll just use the vibrator and the two of you will just have to sit and watch,” 

It seemed like such a light threat at the time. Not one that you would hold to but it wasn't as if you needed to hold it in the first place. Only two days in and it felt like both of them would fail. Neither of them brought this up to you, but it wasn't like they needed to, the signs were everywhere. 

Yeonjun had taken to spending time in the office when studying, all of his school work done with no time left for cuddling on the couch with you. More time spent working out with taehyun and less flirty texts in between sessions like he usually sent. Huening on the other hand was slowly closing off. His tight responses ended in silence, hardly answering in your group chat. Even in bed at night both of their backs turned to you as you lay there looking up at the ceiling. 

It wasn't as if you all were sex addicts, what the challenge really was, was knowing that you couldn't do something vs. just not being in the mood. It was the forbidden fruit effect spread out before them. Everything you did now was hot even if it was the most mundane thing imaginable. The season was changing and now even just watching you take off your coat after coming in from outside was enough to get them hard. Just the idea of taking your clothes off, even just one layer, was enough to send them on their way to their respective avoidance programs. 

You could be laying on the couch, half asleep, and answering a question with a hum and they were done for. Even worse at night when you would change, or come fresh out of the shower, hair still dripping, leaving your shirt spotted with wet dots, the fabric getting cold enough to make your nipples hard. It was a curse to witness you walk out into the living room with your shorts showing so much skin. 

And you could see it on their faces, the way their jaws tightened, throats bobbing as they swallowed. You had never seen Kai look so expressionless. Every little thing is pent up inside him, the negative aura radiating off of him as you sit down between them. Even just seeing your bare thigh sent them into the other room. 

A week in is around the time you think they are going to break. Yeonjun coming home from his workout, hair still sweaty and sticking to his forehead as he wraps his arms around you from behind. His soft kisses on your neck as you prepare a cup of tea. “Want one?” 

“No, I'm good,” his hands traveling under and up your shirt. It was the first time since that conversation in the bed that he's put his hands on you in any way besides helping to guide you by the small of your lower back. You melted into his hold, head rolling back, letting him feel over your skin. 

Neither of you hear Kai's feet padding across the apartment's floor. Don't notice him standing right in the doorway until he clears his throat, “so you've given up already?” The accusation sounds more like a warning. It's like he's thrown a bucket of ice water over yeonjun, the realization crushing his forgetfulness. He tugs his hands away from you like you're a hot stove he's gotten too close to. “Jjunie-” 

He doesn't even look up, hand over his eyes as he turns away, “No, I'm going to take a very cold shower,” 

“I'll join!” it's mostly a joke, your giggle making them both scowl. 

“No, stop talking about being naked around me right now,” 

“Why?” you ask, leaning against the counter, tilting your head as he tries to wave away the word. Your smile stuck as he walked away. 

“You're evil,” he tosses over his shoulder leaving you alone with huening. You can feel him standing there watching you. His hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie while he leaned against the door frame. 

“Do you want some?” you ask, pouring a spoonful of honey into your mug. He watches the way it dribbles and sees a dot drop to the counter, your fingers scooping it up and taking it to your mouth. 

He watches you suck the honey off, not even caring that he's right there watching, hands tightening into fists as he thinks about the way your tongue would feel. He thinks he's hiding it well, that you can’t tell he's struggling so much. But he's so obvious, shaking his head and muttering that he's going to bed early. He swears he is never this horny, the two of you have gone well past a few weeks without having sex before and not even thinking much about it. Only now it’s all he can think about and it's making him feel sick, his stomach tightening every time he sees you in a room, like at any moment it won't be him you go to first to ask to get off. 

Never has he been so jealous in his life, not even about yeonjun for kissing you but over your own fingers. Even if you caved and asked yeonjun to be the one to take care of you he wouldn't mind, he'd give up without question, but the idea that you can just walk around and sit with your own hand down your pants was what was killing him. 

He could see it in his head, could picture that time you were struggling to get off with tears in your eyes, how he helped you just like you needed, yeonjun over the phone telling him to take care of you. He wanted that, he needed that. He wanted to help you again, he wanted you to help him, and yet he also wanted to last longer than yeonjun. 

But you had had enough of watching the two of them being so avoidant. Feeling plagued by kai’s mood and yeonjun absence over something so stupid was annoying. Not caring about your tea you followed after Kai. He was already climbing onto the bed, curling up away from your side, arms crossed and eyes closed as you hopped in after him. 

He doesn't acknowledge you are there even when you sneak your arms under him, wrapping him up and being the big spoon behind him. You press your face into his neck, breathing in his comforting smell, humming right against his ear. 

“Hyuka?” it's rare you use the nickname, only when you really want something, kai associating it the most with your desperate calls for him to touch you. You can feel his body tightening, your leg raising to lay on top of his, tugging him even closer to you. “You're so tense,” Your hand on his stomach rubs in soft circles over the fabric of his hoodie, his breath hitching every time you pass over the waistband of his sweatpants. “You know I could help with that,” 

Kai pulls himself away from you, all the way off the bed as you roll on your back. The little smile on your lips eating him alive. He was hard, painfully so, watching you there softly roll your hips, beckoning him. He can hear the sound of the shower, the beating water, the only other noise in the room, the light under the door fanning out around the floor. He watched you sit up on your knees, right at the edge of the bed, hands reaching out to tug him closer to you. 

He let it happen, caved, and leaned down to rest his forehead on yours, eyes pinched closed as he muttered, “You're Killing me,” he could feel your smile when you kissed him, arms wrapping around his neck. 

You had him right where you wanted him, his whimpers between kisses only pushing you on, pulling him back to the bed. He didn't say anything as he laid back against the headboard, your legs straddling him, and your hands already pulling off his top. “I shouldn't-” 

“I won't tell,” you say in between kisses, his erection pressed into your thigh. “We can be quick, yeonjun won't even have to know,” 

“He’ll know,” kai’s not even trying to keep it down, his soft whimpers leaving every time he rolls his hips to try and gain friction against your leg. “And I won't stop after just once, I don't think it will be enough,” 

Both of you jump at the sound of yeonjuns voice, “What is this? My girlfriend in bed with another man?” Neither of you had even heard the water turn off, the steam still wafting out of the bathroom behind yeonjun as he rubbed a towel against his wet hair. 

“Oh no Huening, I think my boyfriend caught us,” sometimes the three of you liked to joke like this, poking fun at the idea of what others thought about your relationship. But Kai wasn't in the mood. He wrapped his arms around you, flipping you over so you were on your back and he was on top pushing you into the mattress. 

“My girlfriend, my bed. I want first,” he leaves no room for argument, his mouth back on your neck, hips grinding into yours. 

“Giving up so early already Huening, I knew you couldn't last,” yeonjun tisks, he sits back in his chair in the corner of the room, his favorite view for moments like this. His towel is draped across his bare shoulders, arms crossed as he looks right at you. “And you, I'm sure you teased him into it,” 

“no, I’d never do something like that,” 

“Liar,” they both say at the same time, kai’s face pressed against your neck, hot mouth working down your throat. You wrap your legs around him pushing him closer, his breathy whimpers right in your ear. Twisting your fingers into kai's hair you pull on the strands, your smile eating yeonjun alive. He could tell himself he wouldn't cave but he knows it's a slim chance when he sees you like this with huening. 

Not when he watches the way your lips fall open when kai pushes into you, the sweet little sounds you're making leaves him hard in seconds. It's worse now too because you're looking at him like you know exactly what he's thinking. And you do know, it's not too hard to guess as he leans back with his arms crossed, knuckles turning white as he readjusts in his seat to try and find some kind of relief. 

Kai didn't even feel the need to strip you, pushing your panties to the side and not worrying about preparing you. The guttural moan he released when he was fully seated inside you reverberated against your whole body. He was a mess of whimpers, arms wrapping around you pulling you as close as he could, shallow thrusts in apology for ever denying himself from you. “Never again- I won't- I can't-”  he's trying to get the words out, broken moans filtering through each breath he takes. 

“He can't even talk, and I'm not even going to judge because if it's anything like how I remember I'd be just as bad,” yeonjun mutters, his jaw so tight he hardly opens his mouth to say it. 

“Jjunie,” you moan, tugging kais hair as his hips stutter against yours, “don't you want to cum for me?”  

Kai won't last hearing the word come from your mouth, every thrust just making you wetter, your warmth pulling him in. He's surprised he even lasted this long before he felt his first orgasm. If it wasn’t for the way he starts to tremble you wouldn't have noticed that he has cum already, not when he doesn’t pull out, doesn’t even slow down. 

“Don't give me that look,” yeonjun warns, but it is not like you can help it when kai is pulling one of your legs up by the back of your knee, his hips sinking deeper, your eyes rolling back at the new depth. 

Yeonjun doesn't even notice how his own hips are moving, leaning back just enough in his chair so that each roll gives him the just right amount of friction against his oversized sweatpants. He's trying not to make it obvious just how hard he is but he's finding it harder and harder to keep his hands off himself and away from you when the headboard starts to creek against the wall. 

Huenings lets out a mix of grunts and whimpers, his cum making you so much easier to slip in and out of, the soft slapping sound of his thighs against yours drowning out any other thought in his mind. “Look at me,” he's gasping, pulling back just enough so that his hand not holding your leg can grasp the headboard, softening the sound for only a second before the bed is back to squeaking. 

You don't deny him, his hair hanging around his eyes, mouth open as he feels the first tingle of overstimulation, thin silver chain necklace dangling just above your chin. His knees are digging into the mattress, the angle pushing him so much deeper. You reach down with one hand to rub on your clit, the other scratching at the back of his neck. 

He's finding it hard to keep his eyes open as he tried not to cum again, “God you look so pretty like this,” 

“Did you miss me?” 

“Fuck yes, I missed this- I missed your pussy so- so much,” he trails off in a whimper, head tossed back exposing his throat to you. 

Your orgasm is so close, aided by all of his desperate sounds. When all of his little ‘ah-ah’s��� get close together you feel yourself tip over the edge. Kai can’t handle the way you clench around him, the both of you are so wrapped up in each other that you don't notice the way yeonjun has to close his eyes. He's begging and praying that he could be stronger than he is but this is too much for him. 

Worst still is how you look over at him at just the last second, a taunt caught right in your creased brow. He can't even take the pressure of his pants anymore, he tugs them down, cock hitting his stomach, heavy and aching. It does little to cure him of this need. 

Kai lets go of the headboard, arms pulling you closer as he peppers your face in kisses, his happy giggle pressed right to your pulse. “Do you feel better?” 

“So much,” he sighs, “I don't even care about losing anymore I just wanted- no I needed you so bad,”

“You know who else needs to forget the stupid bet?” your eyes are trained on the way yeonjun is trying and failing not to move his hips. Every micro-movement brushing his red tip against his skin gives the smallest amount of relief but not enough. 

“Don't talk like I'm not right here,” his eyes are closed, fingers leaving imprints on his biceps. 

“You should help him,” Kai continues, nose sliding down your cheek before he gives a soft kiss to the edge of your mouth. He pulls away, leaning back on his heels as he pulls out of you, quick to move your panties into place to catch any of your combined release in place to not spill on the sheets. 

Standing on shaking legs you stand, stumbling until yeonjun pulls you on top of him. He's groaning as soon as you straddle him, his hands on your hips like a vise. “Why torture me?” 

“No one said you had to watch, I was content with not letting you know but you sat down and didn't look away,” your nails lightly scratch over his chest, his humming response matches the subtle way he's trying to grind up into your clothed clit, panties wet and warm against him. 

“I'll just put it in, I won't even move, I just- I need something,” it's like he's asking permission, wondering if this will mean he's failed, if you'll tell on him. Huening chuckles from the bed, knowing the truth because the second yeonjun slips in he won't be able to help himself. 

“Okay, I won't move either,” you slip your hand down to pull your underwear to the side, the dribbles of your slick and kais cum leak all over. Dripping onto yeonjuns veiny cock and stomach. You try to wipe it away, your fingers on him making his ads flex, cock jumping when you put your fingers to your mouth, sucking away the saltiness. You barely get your fingers away from your mouth before yeonjuns kiss you. His favorite taste is you mixed with cum. 

When you sink down on him both of you moan, the sound caught right in the back of your throat, his eyes squeezed tight as he tries not to thrust up into you. He's devastated to find that you feel even better than he remembered, his hold on your hips almost bruising as you clench around him.  

“This was a horrible idea,” he’s gasping, “oh shit- i-,” he's cut off by your first attempt at moving up and down. “No, don’t, I won't be able to last-” 

“But jjunie-” you whine, hand pushing into your lower stomach, right over where you can feel him pressing so deep into you. “I wanna cum again,” 

“She's so greedy,” Kai adds, your hips rocking back and forth enough to leave yeonjun speechless. 

Clit grinding onto his pelvis, you don't even care about bouncing anymore, the perfect friction to get you off, the tip of his cock pressed right against your g-spot bumping over and over with each movement of your hips. “You're going to have to get off, I can't lose- I won't-” 

But it's not like he's letting you get off of him, he's actively helping you grind down on him, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass, “faster-” he's moaning, your hands on his shoulders for leverage before you're falling apart, your toes curling, every noise pressed right to his ear. The way your walls are fluttering around him makes his balls tighten, “I just won'tcum I just won't- I won't - I- fuck -oh fuuuckk,” He's not even stopping now, thrusting up into you to ride out his high, shoving all his cum as far as he can get it, not worried anymore when it feels this good. 

“You're the worst,” yeonjun chuckles after the two of you have caught your breath, “I love you so much, but actually you're evil and I love it,” 

“It's not my fault you couldn't help yourself, I told you it was stupid,” 

“I just won't tell anyone this happened,” he shrugs but kai laughs from the bed. 

“I already told everyone you lost,”

taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask!

[pupyuj]

→ “how you get the girl.” || naoi rei x reader fic.

— a stupid and insensitive prank leads to your adorable girlfriend turning into a lovesick pervert when she gets drugged during one of your friends’ party…

word count: 7.6k.

dynamic: dom!bottom!naoi rei x sub!top!reader.

warnings: drugging, dubcon, drunk sex, non-consensual use of drugs, emotional manipulation, blood (mild), praises, fingering, anal, use of strap-on (often referred to as a cock), overstimulation.

requested?: nope.

a/n: UMMMM HIIII???? quick note, since i have like two more yuj requests to put out, i figured you guys might use a little breath of fresh air with this surprise rei fic hehehuehe 😈😈 keep the warnings in mind everyone! reibear's a bit... crazy here 😭 in fact, a lot of the fics coming up from me actually venture a lot into dark content, or at least near it, so let us all tread with caution :] ANYWAY this is my 1,000th post! i wanted to make it special so that's why i've been missing for like a month (omg...) bcs i wanted to make sure i came out with something good LMAO sorry for going non-verbal everyoneee 😭😭

you were hoping that this was the last time that you’ll ever go to one of ahn yujin’s parties.

parties weren’t exactly up your alley to begin with, but something about the ones that the unnecessarily popular basketball captain hosts makes it all so much more troublesome than a normal college party. the bass of the speakers jammed through your skull, enough to annoy you with a painful migraine. the drinks were bland, only amateur party-goers and people who are too far gone to have decent taste would like it. all those who were invited are a mixed bag of strange, unpleasant, snobby, shady, and try-hard individuals who had nothing better to do on a saturday evening.

despite it all though, you were having the best time of your life.

perhaps you were the one that was too far gone to bother to try and over analyze every aspect of ahn yujin’s party. maybe it was the lights, the hot air, the music, and the way your girlfriend, rei, pulled you around the crowd as you danced. oh, naoi rei—she looks so beautiful under the purple, blue, and green neon lights. eyes only slightly unfocused due to being mildly intoxicated, but she was still looking at you. she wears a wide smile, the same one that makes you fall in love with her over and over again, as she pulls you into her.

“i love you, (y/n).” she whispers before kissing your cheek. rei was giggling, somehow surprised at her sudden bravery. she was holding a half-empty cup with one hand and had her other arm around your neck, your arms wrapped loosely around her waist, pulling her closer until her lips were a mere kissing distance. you don’t waste any time, nor did you bother to care about the fact that the two of you were surrounded by people—you kissed rei, relishing in the taste of both alcohol and peaches on her lips. rei melts into you, smiling into the kiss, feeling her chest get warm when she feels you tighten your hold on her.

you feel her fingers thread your locks as you kiss her, that feeling of comfort and security making you release the tension on your shoulders and get even more lost in the moment. you knew that a handful of people were watching the two of you. maybe they were even taking pictures and videos of this rare scene of the kind, sickeningly sweet fashion major and the stoic but soft volleyball vice-captain shamelessly showing off their affection for one another. but really, you didn’t care. hell, some people have done worse in ahn yujin’s previous parties—yujin herself included. so you tilted your head to deepen the kiss, ignoring the pool forming in between your legs when you hear the slightest bits of your girlfriend’s addicting moans.

rei nearly drops the cup she was holding when you slid your tongue past her lips. it seems neither she minded putting on a spectacle for everyone to see: allowing you to explore her mouth with your tongue, slide your hand underneath her cotton sweatshirt and feel her stomach, and even whimpering so cutely when you grabbed her ass with your other hand. shit, if you were completely out of your senses you probably would’ve fucked her right there! she was just so perfect in your eyes… and for once in your years of dating, you wanted to show everyone just how flawless naoi rei really was and not just keep her for yourself.

your hand travels further down, stopping right on the belt hoops on her jeans. rei wanted you to lose your composure, wanted you to touch her in front of your friends and schoolmates, wanted to show everyone how good you can make her feel, and you knew all of this by the way she moved closer to you, practically begging for you to keep going despite the alarming rate of people finding themselves staring at the two of you. you decided to tease her, putting your hand on her thighs instead and slowly moving it upwards so painfully slowly. rei whines and softly nibbles on your lips in retaliation. cute.

unbeknownst to the two of you, someone slips a strange-looking pill in rei’s drink. rei had been too busy returning your kisses to spot the person, who snickered as he walked off with his friends. somehow, you heard them, breaking the kiss to look behind you. they turned to a corner out of your sight, but you had a feeling they did something.

“what’s wrong?” rei asked in heaving breaths. you don’t answer her, squinting and trying to spot the strange group of guys that just walked by but failing to do so. rei gently takes your chin and turns your head, her eyes locked onto your lips. both affection and desire were evident in her eyes; she adored you dearly, but fuck, she needed you so bad. “i was having fun…” she mumbled, once again leaning closer in hopes of getting you to kiss her again. but all you did was laugh, give her lips a peck before pulling her out of the big crowd in the living room, much to her dismay.

rei pouts, but doesn’t complain as she allows you to tug her towards the kitchen. rei chugs down the rest of her drink, eyes lighting up at the sight of a few more bottles sitting quietly at yujin’s kitchen island as if they were waiting just for her! you briefly looked over your shoulder, spotting your adorable girlfriend eyeing the bottles of alcohol.

“i think you’ve had enough, baby. let’s get you some water.”

in the kitchen were some of your friends: the hostess yujin, that one senior from the dance department son hyeju, rei’s close friend from the music theory department jang yeeun, and rei’s fellow fashion major seol yoona. this might possibly be the most random assortment of your big and forever growing friend group but it was much better than the heap of strangers (emphasis on strange) in the living room. yujin was drunk out of her mind—a rare occasion considering that she’s always busy stopping everyone from ruining her house during her parties to even get a sip. she must be upset about something, and judging by how she begrudgingly stared at the ‘school muse’ jang wonyoung from across the room… yeah, she was definitely going through it.

it was nothing a good hate-fucking would fix, though. you know those two well enough to predict how their night’s going to go.

poor awkward hyeju was desperately trying to stop yujin from downing an entire bottle while simultaneously talking to someone on the phone. her girlfriend, possibly. now that you think about it, it was really strange not to see park chaewon right by hyeju’s side. they were usually inseparable and chaewon was never the type to miss a messy ass party like this one; it was practically brimming with gossip! and she would’ve loved that show you and rei put on earlier! not far from yujin and hyeju were yeeun and yoona who talked casually, although you didn’t miss that glint of interest for each other in their eyes. seems like they had been drinking too. great!

you weren’t here to talk to any of them, however. you were here to sober your girlfriend up and take her home before she goes completely off the rails. you grabbed a clean cup from a pile and filled it up with water, all while rei clung to your side, whining and whispering horny nonsense in your ear that you tuned out to save everybody from seeing you fuck your girlfriend over your best friend’s kitchen counter. you ignored the way her breath fanned across your neck and gave you chills down your spine, ignored her arm wrapped around your waist and her hand impatiently squeezing your hip, ignored how her other hand was softly tugging on the waistband of your skirt—all of them being near-impossible tasks. the only reason you got to hold back your urges was because of your suspicions: has rei always been this… needy when drunk?

being her girlfriend of a few years now, you knew that the answer was a hard no. yes, rei could never hold her alcohol well and thus always ended up getting wasted by the end of every party or friend gathering but she was never so horny! most of the time when she’s drunk, she just gets very giggly and is a hundred times more ticklish than when she’s sober. and even when she’s in her right mind and she wants to have sex, she wouldn’t be like this. you turned your head to get a good look at your girlfriend’s face. rei gives you a lazy smile, tilting her head slightly as she leaned close to hopefully kiss your lips but you managed to dodge her, making her whine cutely. her cheeks were flushed, beads of sweat ran down her neck, and her pupils were dilated but you knew that was because she was wasted as fuck.

perhaps it was just a bad case of rei being both drunk and horny at the same time. nevermind the reason for her strange behavior—you have to get her home so she can calm down and get some sleep!

“take a sip of this, rei-yah. you’ve been drinking nothing but alcohol and soda all night.” you handed your girlfriend a cup of water before beckoning hyeju over. yujin had her back leaning against a countertop while she grumbles grumpily, still glaring at wonyoung (who was having the time of her life having all of yujin’s stupid attention for herself). hyeju tells yujin to ‘stay still’ and skips over to where you and rei were standing, making a weird face when she saw how rei had started leaving a trail of kisses down your neck.

“hyeju, can you give us a ride home? i think you’re the only sober person in this house…” you asked. she looked like she was going to refuse as she had her hands full taking care of yujin, but you were somewhat correct with hyeju being the only soul in this joint that had any sense in her mind. plus, yoona and yeeun were not totally wasted yet. they can probably watch over yujin for fifteen minutes! and so hyeju agrees, nodding her head towards the door and grabbing her keys from a secret corner in one of the cupboards reserved only for yujin and her closest friends (aka, you lot).

“we’re going home? you’re no fun, baby…” rei whines loudly as you squeezed both of yourselves out of the crowd. she was still very touchy, she couldn’t keep her hands off of you and at one point, even grabbed your ass from under your skirt and laughed when you yelped slightly.

“taking care of a drunk you isn’t usually like babysitting a toddler,” you mumbled after having to gently push her out of the door so she wouldn’t be saying goodbye to every living being she sees in that house. immediately after you slammed the door shut, rei practically lunged at you and tried to kiss you but you were quick to move away. “what’s up with you, love?” you asked, giggling because rei now had this cute pout on her face.

“i wanna kiss you… please, let me kiss you?” ah, you can’t really refuse her when she asks so nicely… and since the two of you were now out of view from everyone, well, you had no problem pulling her in by her sleeve and putting your lips on hers once again. this kiss was a lot softer than what you shared in yujin’s living room; your lips moved in sync instead of whatever near-slobbering mess that was going on earlier. your hands rested on her hips while she had her arms wrapped around your neck, pulling you closer ever so often to deepen the kiss further until your chests were touching and she could put her hands down on your shoulders. 

it was a kiss so magical that people could probably picture cartoon birds and butterflies flying around your figures right about now. as annoyed as you always get in yujin’s parties, you had to admit that you badly needed this one. you and rei, actually. both of you have been swamped with your respective coursework that neither of you could find the time to enjoy doing anything else together, but thankfully, yujin had both of your backs and decided to drag you out of your houses to live life a little. so yeah, perhaps now it makes sense why you just so happened to get buzzed enough to be enjoying your crazy friend’s party!

and now a cute, drunken try-to-sleep session would be a fitting end to this amazing day… but you’ll soon find out that the night was going to be much, much longer than you anticipated.

“do you gay bitches want to go home or should i let you fuck on our friend’s porch?” hyeju’s voice cuts through the pleasant silence and takes both you and rei out of your shared wonderland. you laugh and start tugging rei towards her car while rei pouts, only mildly annoyed that your moment was cut short. and to nobody’s surprise, rei was all over you in the backseat of hyeju’s car too! not even bothering to put her seatbelt on as she was just… hugging your waist and keeping you extra close to her. at this point, you decided to not ask any more questions and just allowed rei to do whatever she wants. once hyeju took a glance at her rearview mirror and got a glimpse of rei and her big eyes shooting arrows and hearts at you, she scoffed and turned the music up before pulling out of her parking spot.

soon enough, yujin’s house was a dot in the distance. rei was mumbling lovesick nonsense while you stared out the window, blankly watching as the car passed one house after another. rei had insisted hyeju to drive both of you to her house where the two of you would be alone. apparently her roommate was sleeping over at her boyfriend’s house and was gone for the night, it was perfect! about a few minutes into the ride, rei not-so-discreetly puts your hand on her thigh, giggling when you gave her a look since you knew exactly what she was doing. but she persists on acting innocent, even while she slowly drags your hand upward so it was closer to that treasure in between her thighs.

when you try to pull your hand away, rei suddenly holds it in place with an iron grip. you don’t hear what she says over hyeju’s music, and your lack of response to whatever she just said only made her even braver. eventually, your hand was buried deep in between her thighs and rei was slowly grinding against it, letting out the softest moans while you struggled to remove yourself from her hold. it was a miracle that hyeju wasn’t seeing any of this, and for rei that was a fucking blessing because all she wanted was to feel you touching her. to make matters worse, rei grabs a fistful of your top and closes the distance between the two of you, forcibly making you kiss and touch her at the same time.

you did not like this at all. before you left yujin’s house, you thought that perhaps rei was too drunk on her feelings and that was why she felt especially touchy… but this was different. you were too buzzed and exhausted to fight back, and being reminded that you might’ve set something off in her brain by kissing her in front of a crowd earlier made you think that perhaps you were responsible for rei’s behavior. maybe she thinks she’s just making it even; you kissed and touched her while there were eyes on the two of you, it’s only fair if she does it too! still, you pull away from rei’s lips and place your hand on her shoulder to stop her from diving back in.

“stop. what is wrong with you?”

you definitely said that in a harsher tone than intended. rei looked both offended and hurt. she moves away from you, pushing your hand away and completely refusing to look at you. baffled, you stared at her in confusion. seriously, what the fuck did she drink that made her like this? you ought to question yujin about the alcohol she stores in her cabinets because any trace of your sweet angel naoi rei was nowhere to be found at the moment. and now the rest of the ride was awkward, with rei angrily looking out the window and you occasionally checking if she was finally going to say something to you so neither of you would go to sleep angry.

hyeju was blissfully unaware of all of this. she was nodding her head to her music and even answered a short call from chaewon, who asked her to pick up food she ordered from a mexican restaurant so she would have something to snack on for the night. you were worried that rei might ask hyeju to send you away to your own house. of course you would have refused since rei was in no condition to be walking around her home alone, but the idea that your girlfriend was mad at you to the point where she can’t even stand to be with you for a night breaks your heart. what could you even do to cheer her up? give her what she wants? you didn’t exactly have the energy for that… and after all the antics she pulled, you can’t imagine getting into the mood now.

ugh. this was making your head hurt, as if the alcohol wasn’t doing a good enough job of that.

“home sweet ho—”

rei doesn’t let hyeju finish and leaves the car without another word, stomping towards her front porch while fishing for her keys in her purse. hyeju turns her head at you, confused, and you sighed. “d-don’t worry about it, hyeju. thanks for driving us. take care of the other girls, okay?” you left the car and followed after your girlfriend who was struggling to open the door.

“do you need help?” you asked softly. rei scoffed, and it really hurt. she rarely gets angry at you. in fact, this might be the first time so frankly, you have no fucking idea how to handle it. 

rei, without even sparing you a glance, finally hears the lock click open and grabs the doorknob, “no.” and then she’s gone. 

maybe the alcohol was making you a bit emotional for no reason, but you felt like crying right there. while you took off your shoes, you wondered just how you can resolve this with as little yelling as possible. a loud slamming of a door makes you flinch—rei has now officially holed herself up in her room. shit, were you going to have to sleep on the couch? that would be a nightmare. you wouldn’t want rei’s roommate to come home to a pitiful sight such as you.

rei sure did like making a spectacle when she’s angry. you could hear her stomping around in her bedroom, you were both worried and scared. you wanted to help her just in case she was having a rough time walking around, being wasted and all, but what if she yells at you? what if you only make her even more angry? oh, please! surely she can be an adult about it! no matter how drunk she was!

right?

that was what you were counting on when you stood in front of her bedroom door with two mugs filled with fresh, cold water for the two of you. once it was quiet, you spoke. “rei? can i come in?” you didn’t hear words, but at least she responded with a hum. you balanced the two mugs with one hand as best as you could while opening the door—and there, on the edge of her bed, you saw your girlfriend sitting with the best glare she could muster. as cute as she looked, you held back on teasing her and instead, sat the two mugs down on the bedside table and sat beside her.

she wasn’t looking at you—a bad sign, but still something you can work around. although you really didn’t know what to do. because once again, rei has never gotten angry with you and people in general rarely get angry with you. as stingy as you sometimes can be, you truly hated confrontation, you hated yelling, and hurtful words thrown towards you cut deeper than any knife could. and rei should know that as your soft-spoken, gentle, and empathetic lover. but maybe she was too drunk to remember any of that since she was not at all budging.

but after a few minutes, rei does speak. in a tone you’ve never heard before. 

“i don’t like the way you acted tonight, (y/n).”

normally, on a day where you weren’t buzzed and already felt frustrated, you would try to understand where she was coming from but you were already short of patience. “m-me? what did i even do?” you tried to meet her eyes but she was adamant on avoiding yours.

“wow.” rei scoffs, feigning being entertained by your cluelessness.

“i’m serious. i don’t know what i did to warrant your pettiness like this—”

“really? okay, let’s jog your memory a bit,” rei stands up and finally looks at you. you felt small underneath her displeased gaze. “you kissed me, you touched me, in front of however many fucking people there was in yujin’s acidic ass living room but i can’t kiss you and touch you when we’re alone with our one friend who wasn’t even looking at us? don’t you think that’s a little unfair?” she puts a finger up every time she makes a point and if you didn’t feel so hounded, you would have defended yourself!

but oh, god. rei rarely swears, and more rarely towards you! you felt the burning in the back of your eyes come before you could choke out the only words you can say at the moment. “i’m sorry…” you felt so pathetic. and if you didn’t break eye contact to blink away your tears and pretended to not feel so pressured, you would have seen how your girlfriend’s eyes shined with amusement.

“and what’s your reason? you were drunk and got carried away? would you let my actions slide if i gave you that same excuse?” any answer you intended to blurt out gets stuck in your throat. not to mention that it was too hard to think properly when your heart hammered right against your ribcage with how awful you felt about getting yelled at by your normally sweet girlfriend. was that really how much you fucked up in that car?

“i didn’t m-mean… to make you feel like this, rei-yah. i just didn’t want to do that in front of hyeju, of all people.” was your defense even making any sense? you had no fucking idea.

“but you would have loved to make a public porno with multiple pairs of eyes watching us. watching me. is that it?” 

your heart drops at her statement, “no! no, of course not! that wasn’t going to go anywhere near that! i… i’m really sorry…” okay, now you were looking too pitiful to be helped at all. your eyes were filled to the brim with tears you didn’t even bother to pretend you didn’t have this time, your lips quivered horribly, and your voice shook so much you might as well be uncontrollably sobbing on the floor. and then you finally couldn’t hold your tears back and let them fall, along with your head due to the sheer embarrassment and shame that you felt.

but what would have been the alternative action to do in that car? discreetly fuck your girlfriend while being merely minutes away from your destination with your very-much-not-deaf-or-blind friend driving you there? but why is it that you felt like the outcome of that would have been so much better than this one? maybe rei wouldn’t have been yelling at you then. hyeju would probably never look at either of you in the eye ever again but at least you and rei would probably be drunkenly giggling about it in the very same bed you were crying on rather than fighting.

your tears fell on the carpet underneath rei’s bed until you felt your eyes leaving the floor and meeting rei’s own once again. although this time, she seemed to be back to being the loving girlfriend you always knew. rei held your face in her hands and smiled softly at you, “i can forgive you… you can make it up to me, don’t worry.” her feather-light touch patches up the metaphorical cuts her words have made on your skin and each time she runs her thumb across your cheek to wipe your tears away, the more the wounds heal.

rei places a kiss on the crown of your head, on your forehead, your nose, and she smiles at how your eyes flutter to a close as you wait for her lips. she pushes your hair back, and you willfully ignore how she traps your thigh in between her legs before putting your hands on her hips. you lean closer as you’ve grown impatient—you really did believe that a kiss can seal everything up so the two of you can go to sleep with good feelings.

you didn’t have to wait for too long to get what you badly wanted at least; rei wraps her lips around yours, finally giving you the usual warmth you felt around her and getting rid of the coldness her anger struck within you. but even amidst the familiarity of it all, rei did new things that made butterflies flutter inside your stomach but also fill your head with uncertainty. she had a hand tightly wrapped around the back of your neck, holding you in place as her kisses grew deeper and hungrier. her other hand traced the hem of your cropped blouse, until she slid her fingers underneath and copped a feel of your breast.

despite feeling uneasy, you allowed rei to touch you. rei’s lips were nothing short of hypnotizing, and soon enough you were too lost in the kiss to even notice how she had unbuttoned her jeans, straddle your lap and started slowly guiding your hand downwards her crotch. she lips her tongue in between your lips as a means of distracting you even further, drinking in your moans and whines at the way she squeezes your breasts. your free hand cupped her ass, pulling her closer and even smiling at how cute her whimper sounded. rei leans into you and you slowly fall back on the bed; that was where you finally felt her wetness on your fingertips.

rei gasps as she grinds against your hand. she didn’t seem to care that you were completely still, or that you had your eyes wide open. as wrong as it felt, you kept on watching her, figuring out if this was all truly just the alcohol’s influence or perhaps rei had chosen to act out on her own. you kept rewinding the day in your head in hopes of remembering if there was something that rei might have consumed that made her so… strange, but to no avail. you were with rei from the moment you and yujin picked her up from this very same house and drove back to yujin’s own, and every second that you were with rei she was no different than she usually was with you.

and so you were left with more questions than answers.

(who knows what you would’ve done if you actually knew what happened from the jump? the night would’ve ended very, very differently. anybody who toyed with your girlfriend was always on the receiving end of a nose-breaking, teeth-rattling, and brain-shattering punch in the face. but unfortunately, you will never know just what exactly occurred in that house.)

rei separates from your lips with a smack and slips out of her sweatshirt, still grinding on your hand while you try to ignore that needy buzz on your core because you really weren’t in the mood for any of this. especially after what just occurred? no! you needed cuddles, a bad netflix movie, and some soft, light kisses! it frustrated you how rei couldn’t see that, but then again how could she? even when you made little to no effort to move your hand that was trapped in between her legs, you still made her feel so good. 

if anything, rei blames you for clouding her head with so many naughty thoughts. did you have to look so pretty today? did you have to wear that skirt, that blouse, and do your hair that way? she couldn’t believe she didn’t take the time to appreciate you way earlier before yujin turned off all the lights in her house—but at least she has you all for herself now. and she wasn’t going to let you go anywhere else.

“r-rei… i don’t think we should do this toni—mmn…” your complaints were drowned by her deep kisses and a thrust of rei’s hips towards your hand and feeling her slick folds through the fabric of her panties unlocks something primal in you, and you started rubbing your fingers against rei’s wet, needy cunt, eliciting a muffled moan out of her. you put your free hand on her thigh, keeping her hips steady as you started pleasuring rei’s sensitive clit.

as soon as rei unclasped her bra and threw it elsewhere, she flipped your position so that you would finally be on top of her just like she always wanted. the two of slowly moved upwards towards the bed while still engaged in a tight liplock and your hands were starting to do everything that rei fucking wished for. you pulled her jeans off and then her panties quickly after. while you slowly trace her folds with your fingertips, rei slightly parts from your lips and sighs dreamily when you pressed your thumb against her throbbing clit. 

“mhnn… you must be really sorry, huh, baby…?” she asked. she took pride in the guilty look on your face—she might be wasted beyond saving but that was an expression of yours she’ll definitely remember for nights to come. “oh… ohh.. ah—good girl… that’s i-it…” rei lays her head back on the pillows when she feels you inserting two fingers inside her cunt. pure bliss was what she felt when you started slowly pumping your fingers in and out of her pussy. her endless praises, gasps, and moans blessed your ears, driving your already-hazed mind into a new kind of frenzy, making you increase your pace.

rei’s hold around your neck tightens at the same time, “good…! f-fuck… oh, fuck…! you’re s-so good, babygirl…” her moans only get louder when you tilt your head and start kissing down her perfect neck, leaving countless marks to bloom overnight. she claws at your shoulder when you wrap your warm mouth around her hard nipples while simultaneously adding another finger inside of her. “yes..! yes, yes… more, (y/n)-ah…!” you whined at the sound of your name on her lips—rei always made it sound so fucking beautiful, especially during an intimate time such as this.

“kiss me, baby… i need y—hmn…” she didn’t have to ask you twice. rei cups your jaw, using her thumb to part your lips and slide her tongue inside your mouth. with her tongue expertly exploring every nook and cranny of your mouth, you failed to notice how she removes her hand from your jaw and snuck it underneath the pillow below her head, and she pulls something from under it. a pretty collar decorated with black bows just for you.

it wasn’t until you heard a click when you finally opened your eyes and noticed that rei now has you on a leash. quite fucking literally.

you leaned back, abruptly stopping all of your movements as you stared at your sneering girlfriend with troubled, panicked eyes. “w-wha… what are you up to?” you don’t get an answer to your question of course. all you got was a harsh tug on the leash and a painful kiss from rei. one that was full of harsh bites that made your lips bleed, but apparently rei quite liked that seeing as how she was so eager to lick it all up.

you, on the other hand, continued your work despite your stomach turning every time rei inflicted pain with either her lips or her other hand which was seemingly stuck on your arm, digging through your blouse and almost just barely grazing your skin underneath. rei’s walls clenched around your fingers, she starts rocking her hips upwards to meet your thrusts, eager to chase her high along with you.

rei’s voice fills your ears once again, “mmhn..! please, please, darling… make m-me cum.. oh, please…!” god, it was like a fucking dream seeing her like this. you were uneasy—hell, you can even say that this all scared you a bit but fuck, getting to watch your girlfriend come undone because of you was always a welcome sight. her hips stutter as she creams all over your fingers, and you watch while she does so. her warm cum stains your once-spotless hand but you were more than happy to clean it up yourself!

you pulled out your fingers as soon as rei was done, licking and sucking on them one by one. you weren’t aware of it since your mind was a fucking mess but rei intently stared at you, confused as to how you looked fucked out when she was the one who just hit an orgasm so good she started babbling nonsense in her native language. and gosh… seeing your hair and makeup all messed up now, and your blouse all wrinkled and your skirt in disarray… rei just can’t help but want more… so much more.

rei grabs yet another thing from under her pillows. this time, it was a strap. your favorite one to use on her actually—a shiny, hot pink one with the plastic cock being at least six and a half inches long. rei sits up and pulls on your leash, forcing you down towards her in a heated kiss. gosh, you can’t believe her sex drive sometimes. and it’s probably not even because you don’t satisfy her, rei just has that much stamina!

(or maybe you were just so damn good at fucking her that she can’t get enough!)

still though, you return the kiss, going as far as to take off your blouse just to feel rei’s skin against yours. without detection, rei somehow managed to attach the strap to your hips before you could even think of rejecting her requests to put it on. you were too occupied with her lips. it didn’t matter how many times you kissed her, you were never going to get sick of her kisses and the way she touches you during them… mostly when she’s in her right mind, of course.

“we’re not done,” she whispers against your lips. then you felt yourself being forced to sit down, and her long nails pierce the skin of your thighs. you winced but you were quickly silenced by her lips again. you can’t do anything with rei being in control like this—you were exhausted, still buzzed, and a bit disoriented from how warm the room has gotten. still, you feel rei unclasping your bra and discarding it elsewhere… and then her lips touch your skin. delicately and slowly, completely contradicting how she had a tight claw on your back. “you… have a lot to make up for, baby.” rei gives you a bite on your shoulder, and you moan pathetically.

“hm. that was nice… do that again.” rei smiles against your skin. she was taunting you. you didn’t even know rei would have a knack for humiliating you until tonight! you grab a fistful of her hair as soon as she caught your nipple with her mouth—that was always one of your biggest weaknesses. and it was so embarrassing how much you were enjoying this now. both being pleasured and hearing rei talk down on you with her quiet, soft voice.

“you’re so perfect, (y/n)…” rei mumbles against your skin after a few minutes. she has made an art piece out of your chest. she always places her marks where no one dares to look. sure, she wouldn’t exactly see them either but the sheer thought of a hickey being there because she put it there… well, you wouldn’t think your girlfriend was as innocent and sweet if she had made you aware of how much it all turns her on in the daily.

eventually, her kisses reached all the way down to your stomach, and it was when she briefly looked up at you with hooded eyes that you figured out what she was going to do next. though it didn’t stop you from getting so flustered that you whimpered for no reason. rei smiles, “that excited, are you?” she traces your inner thigh with a single finger, making goosebumps appear all over your body. she reveled in how you slightly shook. even more so when she takes the tip of the strap in her mouth and you have to bite back a moan.

wow, you didn’t even have a real dick and you were acting like this? you were so cute—rei didn’t think it was possible for you to become even more adorable so far into your relationship… but alas!

you were unsure of what to do, truthfully, but at least you could watch rei give your plastic cock a hell of a blowjob for free. this was the one time you wish you could feel it. rei has always been good with her mouth, after all. from her kisses to the way she sucks and nibbles on your nipples… and of course, when she sits you down in front of you to give you a damn good head. but one thing she did like better than your voice and how quick she can fluster you is… well, like so: you bury both of your hands in her hair and tighten your grip only slightly, then you slowly take control of her pace.

because one way or the other, the dick has to be lubed up and what better way to do it than with her spit?

with your guidance, rei diligently works her mouth all the way to the base of the strap. it looked as if she wanted it to be real too, what with how many times she whispered in your ear about impregnating her in the many times you have used the toy on her before. maybe she was being serious, maybe she was just trying to rile you up; either way, she got what she wanted every time! as you slowly pull her head up and down your length, you meet her halfway with your thrusts, and of course it does something to rei’s brain every time you hit the back of her throat.

but you can only do this for so long before you lose control. you wanted to see rei fall apart underneath you, and you needed to hear her properly throughout it all. it seems like rei has had enough too anyway as she allows you to gently pull her mouth off your cock, smiling sweetly at you as if she didn’t just put on such a show for you merely seconds ago. she even taunts you again, “what? did you miss my kisses…?” she asked in a playful tone while she pulled you closer to her by the leash. your lips automatically connect with hers as you both fall on the bed with you on top. 

you could tell with the way her kisses have gotten more desperate and how she has locked her legs around your waist that she was getting increasingly impatient. but being intoxicated has made rei feel just a tad bit more… adventurous tonight. perhaps doing something neither of you have tried before would be a nice and exciting end for the evening! why, rei has put you through such an emotional turmoil this entire night! she might as well boss you around more for the perfect ending. seeing as you eventually succumbed to her manipulation, maybe you were actually into it too. but she would have to ask that when she’s in her right mind… if she remembers.

rei puts her hands on your chest and pushes you back enough to part your lips only slightly. no words were exchanged, only deep, heaving breaths and a smirk from rei before she takes a tight hold of your leash and turns herself around.

“r-rei…?” you asked, completely baffled by the display. and the display being your girlfriend with her ass up and her face slightly turned towards you as she gave you a look. a look that’s supposed to make you do something but you couldn’t think straight because you couldn’t actually believe she was suggesting doing this! with a hard tug, rei was able to get you to force yourself out of your reverie and to actually move. either you could sit there looking like a dumb virgin who’s having sex for the first time and disappoint rei, or you could give her what she wants and what you’ve always secretly fantasized about for a long time.

of course, you’d choose to be a good girl. you’d be crazy not to. especially when rei was waiting so cutely!

another impatient tug from your girlfriend, and you were inside her. she was loud. louder than you have ever heard her before. she was grabbing the sheets underneath, burying her face on the pillows just to shut herself up but the new sensation proved to be too much and too good. so, instead of fighting it, rei allows her voice to fill the room freely. you put your hands on her hips, guiding her towards your cock. perhaps making her work for the pleasure annoyed her, seeing as she pulled harshly on your leash to get you going.

“c-come… ahh..! fuck me, please…” the desperation in her voice makes you work harder, thrust faster. rei kept pulling you down until your chest was touching her back and you were grunting right against her ear. it was getting harder and harder to be aware of what was going on, what with your mind creating a bigger haze in your head the longer this all goes on. rei’s voice was the one thing that kept you wide awake and grounded, along with the feeling of your skin slapping against hers. the dampness eliciting yet another sound that rang in your ears and fueled your desire even more.

you snuck one hand across rei’s stomach, gliding downwards slowly until you were met with her slick folds once again. your fingertips brush against her clit slightly and she arches, now actively chasing after her orgasm. “more…! more, baby…” rei pushes back against you until the entire strap was finally all the way inside her ass. she lets out a sweet moan when you shift your focus to massaging her clit. with how much she was whining now, she must be close. you were dizzy, disoriented even, but you still did your best to please your girlfriend so you thrusted faster.

“r-rei-yah… cum for me…” you managed to whisper against all odds. rei pulled you down again and you increased your pace once again, but it wasn’t even hitting her weak spot that pushed her over the edge. not the tight grip you had on her hip, not the way you pleasured her clit… but a deep, comforting kiss on her shoulder. as soon as your lips connected with her skin, rei let go and it was beautiful. she lost her hold on your leash, grabbing the sheets instead like her life depended on it. you pulled out of her hole before she got any further ideas to take it to the next level and quickly took off the strap, collapsing on the space next to her.

it takes a while for rei to recover but you knew she did as soon as you felt her arms around your waist. you turned to face her and laughed upon seeing a lazy smile on her face, “let’s go to sleep now, okay…?” you said, brushing her bangs away to place a kiss on her forehead. rei barely responded with a hum before snugging close to your chest and looping her leg around yours, too tired to even say “good night”.

despite your best efforts, you weren’t able to fall asleep as fast as your girlfriend did. you stared at her cute face for most of the night, still wondering if rei was really that drunk to turn into a completely different person. you knew that thinking about it would only give you a headache, especially after such an… eventful night. and so you held your girlfriend closer, leaving the problem to be dealt with at a later and much sober time.

[kingsoowolves]

what comes after: (im)perfect for you | l. at

part one (w/ Sungchan) | part two

pairing: Boyfriend!Anton x fem!reader

word count: 19.6k

author's note: Wrote this while listening to a lot of Ariana Grande, her new album just got me addicted. I feel like the song eternal sunshine has lots to do with reader’s memories of her relationship with Sungchan whereas imperfect for you and ordinary things perfectly encapsulate how she and Anton love each other. I also threw in some references from bed chem, by Sabrina Carpenter, for the anon who asked for it a while ago. This is for everyone who requested part 2 and some vengeance/justice for the reader. Thank you all for the kind comments and for caring so much for this story. I hope you guys enjoy this and love this couple just as much as I do! Happy Anton day! ❤

contents: Smut, fluff, a bit of hurt/comfort. 10 years time jump, ex-fwb!Sungchan cameo, regretful!Sungchan. Descriptions about messed up family dynamics, depression, anxiety attacks, taking meds and going to therapy. Insecure!Anton, mention of a safe word, possessive/jealous sex turned soft in the end, Anton talks about Sungchan during sex. Vaginal fingering, oral (f. receiving), squirting, vaginal penetration, petnames, reader sucks Anton's fingers like 3 times. Anton (lovingly) refers to reader as a "whore" once and as a "little slut" in another instance. Supreme aftercare!!! Anton and reader are so sweetly in love it gave me tooth ache — a bunch of praise, i love you's, healthy conversations, understanding and being silly with each other. And a happy ending, YAY!

extra info: This can be read as a standalone, but you might miss some backstory + clues from the first part. for the complete experience and understanding, I recommend checking out part one.

taglist: @shotaru-o @yoursyuno @dreamiestay @tonspresso @maripositaa @strawbrryvyy @hanniehq @sushimilks @severefireangelprune @kkyiu

you can also read this work on my ao3, if you'd like!

You’ve never been one to party much.

Although you did spend some years in college fooling around in parties and enjoying your youth, after graduation you’ve mostly stuck to bars, restaurants and small friend’s gatherings. When you finally hit thirty, the occasional affair became even more rare and you found yourself enjoying your time more inside your own home, either alone or with the ones you love.

But not tonight.

Tonight, you’re celebrating finally landing the promotion you’ve been aiming for for the past two years and you’re doing it in style. You’ve worked your butt off to get it and finally it paid off. You were already in talks with your boss for the past month about getting the higher position, but the news officially got delivered this morning and you signed the addendum to your contract in the afternoon, going over all the bureaucracies necessary so everything could be set in for next Monday. So you haven’t been able to meet your friends and commemorate it yet.

That’s why you’re currently at the most expensive nightclub in Seoul, texting your boyfriend to let him know you’ve just arrived. You send him your real-time location so he can find you inside the club and he replies saying he’s on his way. Then you move to your friends’ group chat, doing the same with them. You’ve just hit the button to send them your whereabouts, getting distracted while staring down your screen, when someone collides with you. Your arm brushes harshly against the person’s arm and some of their drink falls into your hands, also wetting your phone. You curse silently and shake your arm off, trying to get rid of the liquid as the person turns to you.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” a man’s voice says. You catch his silhouette in your peripheral vision while you look down to your phone, automatically trying to clean it on the fabric of your skirt. “Oh no. Here, let me help,” he offers, resting his drink on a small circular table near you and reaching for some napkins. He grabs your phone and starts cleaning it. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.”

You watch his knuckles while he wipes the device clean. Once he’s done, he hands you the phone back with a couple of napkins that you gladly take.

“Thank yo—” you try to say, but your voice gets stuck in your throat as you finally glance up to look at him.

He has a gentle smile on his face, seemingly distracted and ready to reply when he gazes back at you. He also pauses for a bit while his eyes scan all over your face, with no doubt recognizing you back.

And then, with a stunned face and wide eyes, he asks, “Y/N?”

No way.

There’s no damn way you’ve just stumbled upon Jung Sungchan nearly ten years after that dreaded ending of your relationship. 

But it is him. Standing right in front of you in all his aggravating glory, at the club on the night you’re supposed to be filled with joy and nothing more.

It can only be a joke from destiny or God himself or whatever. Whoever’s the one who orchestrates the spinning wheels of your life must be having a pretty big laugh right now. And they are the only ones.

You sigh whilst you meet the soft brown orbs you haven’t seen for quite some time, feeling your heart constrict inside your chest. Looking at him, it’s hard not to get lost in awful old memories and all the trauma you already unpacked. But you decide that you won’t let this ruin your night. You’ll treat this brief encounter exactly as it is: a brief encounter. Nothing more.

As long as it ends right freaking now.

So you set your eyes hard and nod at him politely. “Sungchan,” is all you say, already moving to walk away from him. He doesn’t let you get very far, though, his hand closing over your elbow and stopping your steps.

Of fucking course he wouldn’t let you off the hook so easily. He never did before.

He seems almost suspended in the air, glancing up and down at you with his mouth slightly open while his fingers grip your skin firmly, no matter how much you try to pull your arm away. In another time, this action would drive a thrill through your spine. Right now, it only makes you feel annoyed and angry. So you rest your shoulders square and give him a pointed look. “Do you mind?” You say, looking at your arm and then back at him. 

He does the same with his eyes, glancing to your arm and then back to you. Finally clarity takes over his features and he releases you, cleaning his sweaty palm on the front of his jeans after. “Sorry. I was just shocked — I am shocked. Wow, I haven’t seen you in so long. It’s nice stumbling into you.”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes, choosing to give him a closed lip smile instead. “Yeah, well… I actually have to meet someone, so—”

“Wait,” he exclaims suddenly and you flinch back before he even thinks of touching you again. He notices your reaction and switches back to his normal tone. “Sorry. I just wanted to catch up with you, you know? Like, how have you been? It’s been too long.”

It should’ve been longer, is what you think. But you’re still a polite woman and would not say something like that, even though that’s the phrase burning on the tip of your tongue when you finally access him. You wouldn’t walk away from him when he so clearly wants to chat either, even though that’s what you want and what he deserves. Alas, your parents raised you well enough to at least give him a proper reply. 

“I’m great,” you say, curt and final while using the napkin still clutched in your hand to rub at the liquid he spilled on you. It smells like whisky, you realize. After cleaning yourself, you toss the crumpled napkin back at the tabletop he found it on. “You?”

“Yeah, I’ve been good,” he says, his voice wavering a little bit, high pitched and then low. Your hesitancy towards him and your little intention in staying in conversation with him is probably obvious by now and you’re sure he catches it all from your answer with how his cheeks flush and his arm goes to the back of his head to scratch at it.

Before you have a chance to make an escape again, he continues. “You look different — good different, I mean. Fuck, sorry.”

Seeing him this helpless, you can’t help the smile that forces its way on your face or the laughter that follows suit. You’ve never seen Sungchan so out of place before. He’s being so awkward, stuttering and apologizing over and over again. And it’s all because of you, for some weird reason. It’s kind of pathetic. A little endearing too, but mostly pathetic.

You cover your mouth to save some of his dignity and compel yourself to stop laughing. “Sungchan, that’s like the fifth time you apologized to me in under two minutes,” you say, giggles still bubbling on your throat. “Just be chill.”

Sungchan smiles at you, his features softening because of your laughter. “Sorry, I just—” he says, and your giggles break free again because of the new apology, interrupting him and making him laugh with you.

Once the mirth dies down, he tries again. “I guess I’m just nervous. And you’re not helping. You’re looking at me like you want me dead.”

“Well, I kinda do,” you reply back and he narrows his eyes at you like he’s analyzing if you’re joking or not. You quickly quell his worries by giving him a soft smile, deciding ultimately to take it easy on him. Keeping up the tough act would just drain your energy. It’s not worth it. “Sorry, that isn’t true. But it’s not like we ended things on good terms, so can you blame me?”

At your words, Sungchan makes a remorseful face, putting a hand on the front pocket of his pants and casting his eyes down. “I know. And it’s all my fault.” Then he looks up like he had the greatest idea in the world, gaze glinting whilst he steps closer to you. “But what if you let me buy you a drink and hopefully we end things on a better note this time?”

The end of his sentence kind of stuns you. You can’t quite believe that, after all this time, Sungchan is flirting with you. But of course he is, because it’s Sungchan. He’s showing all his telltale signs, too — bulging his arms slightly, lowering his voice, poking the tip of his tongue out to wet his lips then giving you a cocky smile, checking you out like he wants to eat you alive, his free hand hanging too damn close to yours. Unfortunately, you’ve come to know all of his tactics after falling victim to them one too many times.

His eyes are eager and hopeful whilst he waits for your response. You feel like an owner dangling a piece of meat in front of his pet, taunting him with something delicious while still not giving him anything. Finally, after all this time, you are the one in control.

But as much as your ego is being stroked, you don’t want any of this. Not anymore. And it’s been like this for a long time.

“No, thanks,” you reply simply.

Two seconds pass until he registers your answer and his smirk vanishes, the corners of his mouth turning down and self-doubt filling his eyes. He starts to say something that seems like another apology, but at that point you’re not hearing nor looking at him anymore. Because that’s when you see him.

All clad in denim and with his fresh neck-length black hair, your boyfriend is making his way through the mass of people in the club to reach you, your gazes finding each other at the same time. You instantly feel calmness seep into your veins, the slight discomfort provoked by your meeting with Sungchan vanishing and being replaced by excitement while you hold your breath until he reaches you. When he’s a mere meter away from you, you step around Sungchan to receive him.

“Hi, love,” he greets with a beautiful smile, stopping right in front of you. “I know, I’m late. Sorry, I got caught up in—”

You leap on him before he has the chance to finish his sentence, arms going around his frame, and he stumbles back because of the knock of your bodies together. He chuckles, winding his arms around your waist as you hold him closely against you, nestling your head between his neck and clavicle.

“I missed you, too,” he says with laughter still in his voice and grips you just as tightly. You bury your nose on his neck and inhale his soft woody cologne. Peace and happiness run through your whole body at rapid speed. “Fridays in the hospital are always crazy and the line to this place is insane. I’m sorry I’m late.”

You shake your head as you pull away slightly. “It’s fine, baby, you’re here now.”

That’s when you really look at him. The royal blue of his denim clothes suit his complexion and the black belt with a silver buckle around his hips compliment the look. His shirt’s sleeves are folded nicely up to his elbow, showing off his pretty forearms. Everything combined with his long hair and accessories give him a soft rocker aura that makes your mouth water. 

It’s honestly unfair how extra good-looking he looks tonight. You feel the need to pounce on him right now, but you have to settle for giving him a peck and tugging on some of his strands while standing on your tiptoes.

“You look so good,” you whisper when your lips separate.

“You look so good!” He says, his eyes moving up and down your frame. “Real damn good! You got that Shiny New Miss Editor look!”

He moves his mouth to yours again and you smile against his lips, and then he’s spinning you around in his arms. You laugh loudly, hiding your face in his neck while his hands grip your hips, your legs dangling under you. After he completes three circles, you hit on his chest and ask him to stop, getting dizzy from happiness and being whirled. He puts you on your feet back and you try to balance yourself on your legs as he holds you up, pressing multiple kisses to your face. At this point, you’re laughing so much your cheeks start to hurt.

“I’m so, so, so damn proud of you, baby,” he says in between his stream of kisses. “Congrats, my love.”

“Thank you, baby,” you reply giggling, rearing back slightly and trying to escape his lips’ attack on your face. But he just follows you, still connecting his mouth to your skin repeatedly and making you lightheaded. “Wait, baby, I can’t breathe properly.”

Only then he stops, looking down at you with a huge smile on his face. You recompose yourself, putting your hair back into place and straightening your clothes. 

When you finish, you put your hands around his neck again and mutter with sincerity, “I couldn’t have done it without you, babe.”

You’re about to kiss him again, but your little bubble of joy and love pops when someone coughs just behind your boyfriend. You look over his shoulders to find Sungchan still standing there, having witnessed all of your interaction. You sigh, annoyed with him again. 

Does he ever catch a hint?

Of course, your partner, the politest person you’ve ever met, turns around to face Sungchan. The tip of his ears tinge pink at being caught by someone in such an intimate moment with you, but he quickly shakes it off to address the other man.

“Hi! Sorry, I didn’t know Y/N was talking with someone. I’m Anton, her boyfriend,” he introduces himself sheepishly and extends his free hand to Sungchan, his other arm still clinging to you by his side. You want to take a bite out of him from how cute he looks, so adorable being courteous to a stranger while still having his cheeks flushed from embarrassment.

Sungchan looks at Anton’s hand for a moment before grasping it and you watch how their palms tightly press against each other, fingers bending while the veins in Anton’s forearm stand out and Sungchan’s bicep bulges slightly from the effort. It's a masculine showdown happening right in front of you. 

“Hi, I’m Sungchan. I’m Y/N’s—”

“He’s a friend from college,” you interfere, looking at Anton to explain it to him. “Back when I studied law. I’ve told you about him.”

Sungchan gives you a sly smile, finally taking his hand away from Anton’s handshake and trying to discreetly flex his fingers. “Has she told you we used to hook up, too? Because it seems like she wants to hide it from you, dude.”

A flash of anger passes through Anton's eyes and a second later it’s gone. Even though his grip around your waist tightens, he keeps cool and collected, his posture relaxed while he moves his now free hand to his pants’ pocket. “Actually, she has. Aren’t you the one who traded her over for a freshman or some dumbass move like that, dude?” He asks, holding steady eye contact with Sungchan and plastering a shit-eating grin on his face.

You snicker into your fist as you watch the arrogance flee from Sungchan’s features. He presses his lips together and drops his gaze down in dismay. Anton’s smile turns triumphal, knowing he had won the confrontation between the two of them. Then he turns to you with sweet eyes and you think it’s the hottest thing ever how he can change from harsh to tender in the blink of an eye.

“Baby, I’m going to grab you a drink while you speak with your friend, okay?” He says, rubbing your arms up and down. You plead him with your gaze to not to be left alone with Sungchan, the long time you’ve been together making it easy to talk with only your eyes, but Anton shakes his head almost imperceptibly, giving you an encouraging pat on your shoulder. “You want your usual?”

You sigh, defeated, and nod your head. “Yes, please.”

“You got it,” he says, bending down to kiss your lips and then your forehead. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

When Anton walks away, you finally turn to Sungchan again. He has his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes are looking behind you, with no doubt still analyzing your boyfriend as he scurries to the bar. Only now you give yourself the chance to take him in. He looks good, in a fitted white t-shirt, black leather pants and a matching dark jacket. The same as ever. Still handsome, only older, just like you. And definitely a little bit buzzed, enough to make a move on you and irritate your usually peaceful partner.

Sugchan’s eyes jump back to you. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” he says, and you half expect him to make a snide remark about Anton, but he just completes his observation with, “He seems like a good guy.”

You smile and look over your shoulders, catching a glimpse of Anton already at the end of the line to the bar. He’s pretending to scroll through his phone and stealing glances at you and Sungchan, trying so hard to seem nonchalant while simultaneously watching you like a hawk. It’s freaking adorable and you make a mental note to tease him about it later. When his eyes meet yours, he lifts his eyebrows up and mouths, “What?”. You just wink at him and turn back to the conversation with Sungchan, still smiling.

“He’s a really good guy,” you answer him.

Sungchan nods, carefully watching your reaction. “You seem happy.”

Your smile becomes bigger. “I am happy.”

His eyes tremble slightly after your reply. Then he tilts his head to the side and relaxes his posture, arms going back to his sides. “You’re a book editor now?”

You’re taken aback that he actually heard everything you and Anton talked about. You were too overcome with joy to pay attention to anything else or care about being too loud.

“Yeah. I’ve been working with Gimm-Young since graduation,” you explain. “They offered me the promotion this morning.”

He listens to you with attentive eyes, nodding his head. “I remember Sohee told me back in college that you switched majors. I was really glad for you. But, wow, now you got an editor position at a big publishing house. And while you’re pretty young, too. Congratulations, Y/N. You made it.”

You’re shocked by his praise, but you take it nonetheless. And then pieces of memories you had with him flood your mind. Back then, you talked to him about your dream, showed him some of your writing and expressed doubts and insecurity on really going for it. In turn, he listened to your worries attentively, read and praised your works and spurred you on to go for what you wanted.

You scrunch your eyebrows up and look down at your feet, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden memories. Maybe Sungchan was an asshole, but he was a supportive asshole.

“Thank you,” you say, your eyes shifting back to him again. “I remember you— You encouraged me to study Lit back then, Sungchan. It was really meaningful at the time.”

He shakes his head. “Well, I’m not taking credit for your obvious hard work, Y/N.”

“I’m not giving you credit,” you say pointedly and he laughs. “I’m just saying thanks, I guess? For hearing me and supporting me back then.”

He shakes a hand in front of him, like he’s declining your explanation. “Hey, there’s no need for that. That’s the least I could do, really. You were great back then and I’m sure you're even better now.”

“Well, maybe you’ll read one of my editing works one day,” you say with a smile.

“Maybe.” He smiles back at you. “Or one of your books. I assume you’re still writing.”

“I am,” you confirm. “But that’ll still take a while to come to fruition.”

“When it does, can your first fan hope for an invite to your first book release party?” He asks, obviously referring to himself as your first fan, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You can’t help but laugh at his antics. He’s showing the playful Sungchan you saw on occasion and the nostalgia gets to you. “We’ll see when the time comes.”

He nods with a smile. Then a beat later he’s stepping closer and the atmosphere turns serious, his sorrowful eyes gazing at you. “Y/N, I want you to know I’m very sorry for how I behaved with you back when we were together.” 

You can’t hide the astonishment on your face, being caught unprepared for this.

“I know it probably sounds like shit right now, but I cared for you. You really were special to me, even though I didn’t show it,” he barrels on. “You are a sweet girl, Y/N. You didn’t deserve what I did. I regret it every day since.”

The sincerity of his surprising words hits you right in the chest and you have to inhale deeply to prepare yourself for a response despite the shock. 

You shrug your shoulders. “It’s fine, Sungchan. I already worked everything out in therapy anyway.”

It’s the truth, you did work everything out in therapy. And despite being annoyed by meeting him tonight at first, you realize you really have no hard feelings towards Sungchan anymore. You’ve already come to the understanding that whatever happened back then, it wasn’t because of your actions, feelings or words. It wasn’t because you were undeserving of his love. He just couldn’t give it to you, for whatever personal reason he had. What happened was Sungchan’s responsibility, his guilt to carry, not yours. And, from what he’s saying, he acknowledges how carelessly he treated you and that finally puts you at peace with that chapter of your life. 

“My therapist thinks you’re an asshole, by the way,” you say, trying to lighten the mood.

“Something both me and your boyfriend can agree on, too, apparently,” he says with a chuckle, balancing forwards and backwards on his feet a little. “Well, I won’t keep you from him any longer. I have to wallow in self-pity right now because I let the successful Gimm-Young editor slip from my fingers.”

You scoff, not believing his words at all. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re really sad about it,” you say ironically.

He probably has a long line of eager girls wanting to be his girlfriend, anyway. You’re just glad you’re not one of them anymore.

You stand there with him for a beat, smiling about it. Then, his gaze shifts to something vulnerable and he gulps his saliva down, his Adam’s apple bobbing before he speaks again. “So, just to be sure… If you didn’t have someone, would you still— Well, would you consider—”

You catch on to what he’s trying to ask pretty quickly and reply before he embarrasses himself further by completing the sentence. “Yup, I’d still reject you. That ship sailed a long time ago, pal.”

Because of his failed flirting attempt, you try to concentrate and search for the body reactions you used to have whenever he’d sweet-talked you in the past. But there’s no heat on your face and limbs anymore, no goosebumps on your arms, no itch in your hands from wanting to touch him, no more sweat accumulating on your hairline and no tingling on your body. It’s all gone. The only thing you feel left for him is a quiet sentimentalist from what you shared during your college days that translates into a soft but lingering pang in your heart. Nothing more.

“Okay, I just had to try,” Sungchan says with a blush on his cheeks and a glazed over look in his eyes. “I should probably go now… before your boyfriend’s eyes  actually turn into red lasers and open a hole through me.”

You look behind you one more time to see that he’s right. Anton is tapping his fingers on the bar countertop while he waits for your drink to be made, his eyes completely focused on both of you, not even pretending like he doesn’t care anymore. He does kinda look like he might commit attempted murder at any moment. You send him a kiss despite his sour face.

“I’m sure he treats you better than I ever could, anyway,” Sungchan completes.

You look back to answer him. “That’s not very hard to accomplish, but yes, he does,” you tease with a smile.

Sungchan smiles back at you. “Yeah, I deserved that one.” He sighs and shakes his head, rubbing a hand on his neck. “Thank you for talking with me. It was nice seeing you.”

“You too, Sungchan,” you reply sincerely.

He’s about to walk away, but then he halts his movements, looking at you one more time. “Oh, and Y/N? I really hope you’re happy.”

You nod and smile at him. “I really am, Sungchan.”

“Then I’m glad,” he says with finality, gazing at you one last time and starting to turn around.

However, just before Sungchan can fully spin around, your eyes catch the glimmer of a metallic chain connected in between two of his jeans’ belt loops. Beside it, in his front loop, dangles a keychain with three trinkets hanging from the same clasp — a burger charm, a soccer ball one and, if your eyes aren’t failing you, one very familiar lilac polka dotted scrunchie.

You smile to yourself after the keychain is out of your line of sight. 

Maybe you really were special to him once.

While you watch Sungchan’s retreating back, you’re taken by an abrupt feeling. It’s not the anxiety and dread you used to feel whenever he left you or the longing that always took over you. It’s something keen to relaxation and comfort, like the sense you get when you meet an old friend or are wrapped up in a warm fuzzy blanket on a cold winter night. There’s a tinge of nostalgia mixed with the emotion flowing from the place right behind your chest and spreading through your limbs.

When you can’t see him anymore, you take a deep breath and think that what you’re feeling is relief.

Only when Anton comes to you again with a few of your friends in tow right after, you completely understand the emotion. With your best friends squealing around you in a circle, giving you their congratulations about your promotion, and Anton smiling at your side, looking at you as if you hung the moon and the stars in the night sky, you feel pure, absolute and unrestrained joy.

“Did you know you are the most perfect boyfriend ever?”

Anton is clearly taken aback by your sentence. He has just helped you get inside his car and buckled your seat belt for you, humming happily when you lean close to press a kiss to his cheek. After showing bewilderment, he smiles, a small blush appearing on his cheeks because of your praise. It’s the cutest thing ever.

“Thank you, baby,” he says, the smile still lingering on his lips. “You’re the most perfect girlfriend ever, too.”

He leans in to give you a quick peck, but as he backs away, you put a hand on his nape to keep him there, following his mouth with your own until your lips are pressed together again. It only lasts five seconds, but it’s enough to make you whine when he pulls away completely.

Anton laughs at you and straightens up from his bent down position, getting his upper body out of the car. He closes the passenger door carefully, then comes around to the driver’s side, opening the door to get inside. 

He’s the designated driver for tonight, choosing to opt out of drinking so you could relax and have fun with your friends while he made sure you were safe and back home without any scratches. Being the perfect boyfriend that he is, of course he made sure your friends would get home safe, too, calling them a cab on his own phone and waiting it out with you until their taxi arrived before getting you both inside his car.

Once he’s buckled in, he turns the key in the ignition and the car springs to life. He gives you a soft smile before turning on his blinkers to safely enter the lane. In no time, you’re on the road to your home and your hands are tangled together over the center console.

“You want to stop by somewhere to grab food?” He asks after a while.

You shake your head. “I don’t feel hungry right now. Can we order in later?”

“Of course, baby.” He looks over to you for a brief moment before fixating his eyes back on the road, the hint of a smirk playing on his lips. “You know, after four years of dating, I found out something new about you today.”

“Oh, did you?” You reply, leaning onto his teasing words. “What is it?”

“You’re a party girl,” he states accusingly, making you laugh.

“What? No, I’m not,” you say, trying to be firm and serious, but your words get interrupted by a giggle. You scrunch up your nose because of your own mistake. 

Anton just chuckles at you as he makes a turn on a street. “Tell that to the four shots you downed today, babe.”

You squint your eyes, pinching his wrist lightly, and he gives you a little groan. “Hey, I was celebrating today! Can’t a new promotee have a few shots?”

His eyes glint while he tightens his hold on your hand. “Yes, you can, love. I’m just teasing.”

“Well, don’t tease me, Anton.” You scrunch your eyebrows up and make a frown, pretending to be angry. “It’s my promotion day. You’re not allowed to tease me!”

“Sorry, Miss Editor, I forgot. No teasing for today, got it,” he says, letting your hand go to make a fake army salute. You laugh and squeeze his bicep in reprieve, and he chuckles with you.

“You’re a menace,” you say, letting him take your hand in his again just as the car slows down to stop at a traffic light.

You take the moment to pull his hand to your lips, pressing soft kisses on his knuckles as your eyes meet his. “Thank you for being with me today, baby,” you whisper over his skin and you smile to yourself when goosebumps rise in his forearm. “And for taking care of me and my friends.”

Anton moves the hand you’re kissing to your face, rubbing his fingers over your cheekbone, and you lean into his touch. “Of course, baby. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I love you so much,” you confess as you start to drop kisses into his open palm now, your lips lingering a bit too long over the tip of his thumb.

“I love you, my girl,” he says, pinching your cheek.

You wish you could do more to show him how much you actually appreciate him being who he is. But the light on the stoplight turns green and you have to reluctantly stop yourself from touching him a little more boldly over road safety. You’ll have plenty of time to make him feel loved once you get home.

You roll your window down and tilt your face towards the chilly wind as you think about how you really did hit the jackpot with Anton. You’ve met him at your job, while you were working in a book launch party from one of your company’s authors, helping out the social media crew that was currently short-staffed and busy.

In your position as an assistant editor, you’ve worked pretty closely with the author launching her book before. Your chief editor trusted you completely and let you bounce ideas back and forth with her, so you knew each other pretty well. Anton was the author’s cousin and when she introduced you to him at the release party, there was buzzing excitement in her eyes. She told you how he was a Korean-American that moved back to Seoul with his brother for medical school. Currently in his last year of college, he had been studying nonstop to get his professional license after it, so he needed a night off to relax and that’s why she ended up inviting him to the party. He had on a nice white jacket that complimented his thick shoulders and when he talked with you, you couldn’t help but be somewhat captivated by such a soft voice coming out of such a broad body, his cute accent making him even more adorable.

Later that night, when the party was already fizzling out and your body started to hurt from standing on high heels for too long, he approached you again. When you complained about the ache on your feet, he found a free chair for you to sit on. And when you laughed about something he said, he asked for your number. He looked too damn cute bouncing up and down between his two long legs while you typed your digits on his phone. And after your contact was saved, he pressed call so you could have his number, too.

When a colleague called you to help with something else, Anton pouted adorably because you had to go so soon. Before you went away, the tip of his fingers brushed against yours for a brief fleeting moment and he made a promise to contact you soon. The next morning, you woke up with a text from him on your phone, asking what type of food you enjoyed so he could take you out on a date.

It took a few dates and a couple of sincere conversations about both of your expectations in a relationship before you and Anton made it official. Since the beginning, he never let his intentions be misunderstood. From the first date, he made it very clear he was interested in you as a whole person, not parts of you. He didn’t want to have your body if he didn’t get to have your soul either. He has taken you seriously since then. After the fifth time you went out together, you brought him home with you. You still remember the image of him hovering above you, cheeks and neck flushed while he stared at you deeply, telling you in the softest voice ever how he wanted you to be his girlfriend. He made you feel secure, the sincerity in his tone helping you to never doubt his words. And when he used that same feathery intonation of his to coax out of you the most powerful orgasm you ever had in your life, you were done for. You wholeheartedly handed yourself out for him and he did the same right back.

You’re together for almost five years now and Anton has been with you through thick and thin. He deeply enjoyed the sheer joy in your mom’s face when you brought him up to meet your family. She kept going on and on about how tall and good-looking and young and amazing your doctor boyfriend was. Nothing you ever did in your life before made her as happy as introducing him as your partner and it felt nice seeing him being appreciated by your loved ones. Either way, whenever your family dinners took a turn and your father would try to convince you to study law again and become a judge like him and your mother would make poisonous comments about the amount of food on your plate, all while your sister boasted about her successful career as a lawyer, taking occasional jabs at you for giving up on it, Anton rubbed circles on the back of your hand under the table, soothing the ache he knew you felt about not being understood by your own flesh and blood, showing that he understands and sees you better than anyone.

Anton was with you during your grandfather’s funeral and one month after it, when your little dog died unexpectedly of a quiet illness. He hugged you and listened to you as you sobbed and babbled on for hours about how unfair death was. When your eyes became red and your throat sore, he wrapped you up in a blanket and held you firmly until you slept.

He was beside you during your depressive slumps, letting you sleep your exhaustion out for how long you needed to and not pressing you on about it, having food ready and plated for you when you woke up. When you made a mild mistake during work and got afraid of being fired, he encouraged you to talk to your boss and fix the problem, helping you come up with a plan to gain back her trust again. He was also with you when your brother married one of your best friends and when they told you they got pregnant. When you were announced as the child’s future godmother, he cried tears of happiness with you.

Anton bragged about you during his family dinners, telling his parents how brave you were for changing career paths and accomplishing so much in so little time and mentioning how he hoped his little brother would find a partner as amazing as you. He made sure your relationship with his parents was as lovely and safe as possible and you are constantly doted on by his family because of it.

Three months after your psychiatrist dosed down on your depression meds, he prepared you a homemade dinner and told you how proud he was of you for battling such a devious disease and pushing through despite all of your struggles.

And when he got anxiety attacks during his time studying for the surgery residency program, you taught him your methods to push through them and made him an appointment with your doctor. You were beside him, helping him work through his fears and the tension. When he got in the program, you were the first person he called. And he was also the number one on your call list when you got your promotion earlier today.

Whenever his sinusitis would flare up, you were also the one by his side, watching on his health, making sure he took his meds, making him tea and helping him with nebulizing.

Sometimes, when your bad thoughts get the best of you, you feel like you don’t deserve him. You think he’s too good to be true, that he does more for you than you do for him and that he’ll grow tired of it and drop you like so many have done in the past. On times like that, Anton always tells you he’s the lucky one for having you on his side and the sincerity dripping from his lips and eyes always scare your doubts away. You believe in him even when you don’t believe in yourself. He makes you see how you bring out the best out of each other. And when any of you are feeling down, you both always feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable.

There’s no pressure to be perfect with Anton. You can make mistakes and try again how many times it takes. And he does the same. Despite you seeing him as a pretty perfect man, Anton also messes up, like any normal human being. And you do the same. Over and over and over again.

Sometimes you speak with him a little too roughly. Or he gives you the silent treatment when things don’t go his way. Or you wake up in a bad mood and take it out on him. Or, on the same day, he forgets to take out the trash from your shared place and you arrive late to an important work dinner of his. You argue and get mad and upset like any other couple. But each time it happens, you talk it out. And he never leaves you alone in your relationship struggles, always meeting you halfway to solve the matter.

The thing is you accept each other, the good and the bad and the in-between. No feelings or thoughts are invalidated or dismissed. He makes you confident and comfortable in your own skin. And you like to think you do the same for him.

It doesn’t hurt that he’s handsome and jacked, too, his swimming career in school building up his muscles nicely to the man he is today. That’s what you’re thinking about while he takes the final turn to enter your apartment building, parking the car on his spot with one hand on the steering wheel and the other one still gripping yours tightly, attentive eyes checking the car mirrors.

His shirt hangs nicely on his body and the two top buttons under its collar are undone, showing his clavicle and a hint of his chest. You lick your lips and breathe through your nose deeply, trying to settle the buzz deep in your belly while you admire him. When he’s done parking, he catches his jacket and your purse on the backseat and gets out, making his way to open your door and offering you his hand to help you out of the car. You grab it and step out carefully. Once you’re securely out of the car, he closes your door and rests his jacket over your shoulders, helping you to slip your arms through the sleeves. Then, with your purse still over his arm, he locks the car and grips your hand, leading you both on the walk to the lobby to call for the elevator.

You squeeze his hand with both of yours and lean your head onto his arm while you wait for the lift, appreciating his presence, warmth and attention. 

“I’m glad you had fun today, baby,” he whispers and you tilt your head up to find his eyes already searching for yours.

You smile at him. “So much fun. I’m so happy, Anton.”

His eyes shine seeing the true joy exuding from your body. “If my girl is happy, I’m happy.”

His admission makes you want to get closer, so you turn to stand in front of him, tugging slightly on his shirt collar to get him to bend down over you. “Thank you, baby.”

“For what?” He asks, an eyebrow shifting slightly up.

“For being happy for me and with me. For celebrating with me today,” you say, looking deep into his eyes.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, baby,” he whispers while his arms cross over your waist, pressing your body against his. “I want to celebrate this and so much more with you.”

“Yeah?” You mutter back, getting on your tippy toes as you watch him with hooded eyes. “Like what?”

He slides one hand up to rub your face, pulling you in to speak over your cheek. “Like when you get the editor-in-chief position next.” He drops a kiss on your cheekbone and moves his lips to your jaw next. “And when I finish my residency.” A new kiss is laid on your chin and another one on the corner of your mouth. “Then our engagement, our wedding…”

“Ahh, so you do plan on proposing,” you tease, leaning back to get your face out of reach from his lips. “It’s taking so long I’m starting to think you’re just stringing me along.”

Anton tightens his hold on your waist. “Stop it, you know I’m planning on it.” He moves his free hand to your nape to pull you close again, his lips one more time landing on your cheek. “You’ll just have to wait and see. It will be perfect. You’ll bawl your eyes out.”

“With how easy you get emotional, I think you’ll be the one bawling, Tonie,” you say, pulling on his hair a little while he rasps his teeth on the side of your neck.

“Oh, for sure,” he says, his voice muffled by his lips constantly pressing on your skin. “We’ll both be crying messes once the ring is on your finger.”

You chuckle at him and pull his head back to look at him, watching his mouth become an adorable pout at being denied kissing you more. “I can’t wait for this mysterious proposal, then.”

Anton’s pout turns into a wide smile. “I can’t wait to wife you up.”

You smile back at him, the thought of being his wife, of calling him your husband sending butterflies flying in your stomach.

The elevator finally arrives then, and you both get inside. Anton presses the number for your floor and slumps against its wall before the lift begins to move up, his arms settling around you and pressing you to his body again. You wind your arms around his shoulders and press a kiss onto his clavicle, making him groan, his hips instinctively moving forward to press against yours.

“Aren’t you eager today?” You mutter, looking up to find a flush creeping onto his cheeks. “What has gotten into you?”

“You’re just so happy right now. And I want to make you even happier.” He holds you flush against him while he nuzzles his nose against yours. “Wanna make you feel so good…”

“Oh.” You press your lips to his quickly, smoothing your thumbs on the sides of his neck. “I’d like that very much.”

“Plus, I’ve been thinking about something…” he says, gaze holding yours steady, building tension.

“Thinking about what?” You whisper, the expectation blooming on your chest.

Anton doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he moves his face to drop kisses on your shoulder, his nose skimming under the jacket so his lips can reach your skin. He trails a path of kisses from your right shoulder until the place under your right ear, nibbling on your lobe while you whine. That’s when he finally replies, his breath blowing over the damp skin he just kissed, “Thinking about being a little possessive tonight, a little harsh…”

His words make your breathing heavy and warmth spread through your body. You tug on his hair, your mind getting dazed from his teasing. “Like, you wanna be mean?”

He shakes his head and places his hand on your face, stroking your cheekbone. “Not mean. Just taunt you, mess with your mind a little.”

“Oh,” you whimper, pressing your thighs together while mulling it over your mind, remembering all the times he teased you in bed and how it always made you feel. “I like it when you do that.”

“I know you do, baby,” he whispers, moving his mouth to your jaw. “You always get so—”

“Yeah, I do,” you say, your voice a little high pitched, suddenly feeling self-conscious of being this close to him and thinking dirty things in the elevator. You can only hope there’s no audio on the camera by the corner that’s aimed directly at you both.

You hide your face on Anton’s neck and he snickers at you. “So, you’re up for it?”

You nod, the embarrassment shining red on your cheeks and heating your skin. “Sure, let’s do it.”

Anton rests his chin on top of your head and digs his fingers on your hips as he squeezes you against him. “If you dislike something, you remember the word, right?”

“Pineapple,” you say against his skin, reciting your safe word to him so he knows you remember.

“Good girl,” he purrs, tightening his grip on you.

When the elevator finally dings and its doors open on your floor, you and Anton both scramble up to get to your apartment as fast as possible.

As you type the code for your door, you think about how the night was fun enough until now. You drank cocktails, danced to songs, hugged your friends, screamed your lungs out in happiness and enjoyed your time. It was really really good. But there’s only one thing left to end this perfect day, one thing left to take the fun to the next level. It’s the one thing that’s been nagging at your mind, body and soul the whole time you were at the nightclub. The only thing you can think about after that spicy elevator ride — having Anton all to yourself.

So when the both of you cross the threshold of your place and take your sneakers off and your purse is out of Anton’s hand, you corner him into your entry door, kissing him fervently, slipping his jacket off your body and dropping it to the ground. Anton responds in kind, pressing his lips to yours just as hastily. When your tongue traces his bottom lip, he opens his mouth for you to invade it with, and when you stroke his tongue, he groans.

“You look so fucking good today,” you whisper on his lips, your fingers deftly undoing his shirt buttons. “I wanted to jump your bones the moment I laid my eyes on you.”

“You look so beautiful too, baby,” he mutters back at you, complimenting you with his soft-spoken voice and gentle demeanor.

Your sweet, loving, kind man. You love him so much. 

When you kiss him again and your nails scratch over the exposed skin of his chest, he moans, sliding his hands down your ass and pressing your body against his. You gasp from the feeling of his dick already twitching and fully erect inside his pants, your mouth opening up in surprise. He takes the moment to kiss you again, licking the inside of your mouth and biting your bottom lip, pulling on it a little before releasing it.

“I kept thinking about being inside you the whole time we were out, too,” he says with his lips over your neck, nipping on your pulse point. He licks the place and speaks against the moistness, making your skin jump. “I’m gonna fuck you so good today, Miss Editor.”

Your filthy, dirty, hot man. You love him so much.

You whimper from his words, trembling hands trying to finish unbuttoning his shirt. Before you can, Anton is lifting you up on his lap, and you yelp in surprise. You both giggle as he strides towards your bedroom and supports you with his hands on your ass, but you give up on laughing in favor of kissing him again, your lips becoming moist with spit. You don’t know how Anton manages to find your room while he keeps kissing you, but in just a few seconds he’s laying you over your silky sheets.

You stretch on the bed, moving further back until you’re positioned in the middle. Anton stands in front of you while he opens the rest of his shirt and you watch as more of his skin is revealed. After he’s done with it, he unbuckles his belt and opens his fly, showing the bulge under his boxers. You lick your lips at the sight.

He leaves his pants on, though, and kneels on the bed, crawling over until he reaches you. You sit up to run a hand on his front, from his chiseled pecs to his taut abs until it stops on his happy trail on his lower stomach.

He bends down to kiss you and your arms go around his shoulders to pull his shirt away from him completely. Anton helps you slide the fabric off his arms and once you throw it on the floor, his hands are pulling up your top over your head, your shirt also being off in an instant. Then he’s pressing his body on yours and laying you back on the mattress.

“God, would you look at you,” he says once your head is resting on the pillows, tracing a hand over your stomach and raising goosebumps over your skin, eyes shining while he looks at your chest. “So fucking pretty. I can’t believe you’re all mine.”

There’s a reverent and low tone to his voice that always turns your insides into mush on moments like this. You press your legs against each other from the praise and tighten your grip on his shoulders, trying to kiss him one more time to show how much you appreciate it, but Anton rears back slightly, his eyebrows shooting up and eyes encouraging you to say what he wants to hear. 

“I’m all yours, Tonie,” you say with heavy breathing and he smiles approvingly. “Only yours.”

“Yeah, baby?” He mutters, his hand covering your boob over your bra. You gasp while he squeezes your flesh. “Seeing your past fling today didn’t confuse you? You didn’t think about leaving me for him, did you?”

It’s like a bucket of icy cold water is thrown on you. Anton’s words shock you to the core and you look at him wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

Thinking about being a little possessive, he said. You never thought it would show up like this, though. You played with jealousy in bed before, of course, but it was always with creative scenarios — celebrities, fictional characters, strangers in the street, unnamed imaginary people. The line was drawn at real people in your life. You’ve never considered using any of your exes, friends or close acquaintances.

But Anton is changing that now by talking about Sungchan and your meeting with him earlier. And you know him well enough to decipher his words and body language, to know that he’s jealous. For real. 

Even though he has no reason to be.

Honestly, Sungchan was the furthest thing from your mind all night, your encounter with him long forgotten while you had the time of your life with Anton and your friends. You can’t quite believe your amazing boyfriend is actually insecure about it. But he is.

You blink up at him, still stunned to silence, and Anton sighs, annoyed by your lack of response. “Did you, love?” He asks again, squeezing your breast a little harder. 

The action springs you to life. “I— No, no, baby. Not at all,” you stutter out as he pulls down the lacey cup of your bra and circles his forefinger around your areola. “What made you— shit, what made you think that?”

Anton pinches your nipple then, making you arch your back and moan. ”I just think you spent too much time talking. Seemed like you were having fun, too, smiling and flirting with him.” He ends his sentence with another press on your nipple, harder than the last one, rolling the bud in between his thumb and forefinger to soothe the ache right after whilst you pant under him.

“I wasn’t flirting,” you defend yourself quickly. “I mean, he was flirting, but I didn’t—”

“Oh, was he, baby?” He asks, eyebrows going up. “And how did you respond to his flirting?”

Anton’s eyes are dark, hooded and lust-filled while he waits for your answer. There’s something about the jealousy and possessiveness he’s exuding that makes you whimper, feeling the release of more arousal into your panties. He looks so fucking hot. But you can’t have him thinking that you would trade him for Sungchan. Or anyone else, for that matter.

“I rejected him. I’m with you and he saw it. I told him how happy you make me,” you stutter. Anton just looks at you, analyzing your words in silence. It fills your heart with desperation. “Baby, I didn’t even think about him after that, I promise.” You reach your hands towards his face, but he remains out of reach, making you paw at the air. “There’s no reason to be jealous, Anton.”

He scoffs at you, tweaking your nipple one more time while his other hand goes around your chin, gripping it tightly. You moan loudly at the action and his thumb starts to trace over your areola again when he speaks. “I’m not jealous.” He hovers above you again and presses his nose to yours, looking down your eyes. “But he sure seemed like he was, talking shit about you two hooking up in the past. Like he had the right to act territorial over you when you’re my girl.”

“Baby, I don’t want to talk about him now,” you plead, your words coming out jumbled from the way he’s now pressing his fingers on your cheeks. At seeing your struggle, he loosens his grip a little and you’re able to speak better. “Please, let’s just—”

“So, what more did you tell him about me?” He asks, purposely interrupting you and ignoring your plea at the same time.

“I told him you’re amazing. And that you treat me so well, that I love you so much,” you babble out, mind racing trying to remember everything you said.

“Hmmm, and what else?” He says, his face still so close to yours.

”What do you mean, what else?” You gulp down, looking up at him.

Anton softens at your question, smoothing his fingers over your features and kissing on your pulse point. Then he descends, sucking on the upper part of your boob, tongue slipping out to flick your nipple. “I mean, did you tell him about this?” His hand moves to your other breast, still bra covered, blunt nails scratching the fabric down so his thumb can press on your nipple. “Or about this?”

Fuck. Anton wants you to lie.

Actually, he wants you to pretend like you’ve told Sungchan about your sex life, that Anton’s so good at it you boasted about his skills to your past affair. What he wants is an ego boost, to know that he’s still the only one that gets to have you like this. So much so that you needed to tell your ex how he makes you his.

It’s a little crazy. And adorable. And fucking hot.

“I did,” you whisper and Anton purrs on your neck, his hips grinding down on yours. “I told him how you always make me feel so good, how your fat cock stretches me just right.”

“Fuck, Y/N,” he groans, sinking his teeth on your skin. You tug on his hair while bucking your pelvis up to meet his. You love the way he melts into you so easily, how just a little praise gets him weak, even when he’s the one in control. It always makes you confident.

“I told him I’m too obsessed with how you fuck me to ever think about leaving you, baby,” you whisper in his ear, one hand going down to press on his ass so he can drive his hips down harder, the stimulation on your clit over all the clothes getting to you. “And that I’d never trade you for him, not in a million years.”

After that, Anton kisses you with so much force your teeth clash together. But you don’t care about it, letting him kiss you while you grip on his shoulders and press on his back so he keeps grinding down on you. You only break for air when he unfastens your bra, going right back into kissing him while he slides the straps down your arms and takes the button of your skirt out of its loop.

Anton pulls back to tug on the bottom of your skirt and you help him out by pulling your waistband down and wiggling your hips until the item is out of your body. You’re almost laid bare before him and he rests a firm hand on your lower stomach while he drinks you in, his other hand reaching up to cup your breasts, one after the other and then back again. You see his dick jump inside his underwear as his eyes devour you.

“Fuck, you look so pretty when you’re like this for me,” he says and you moan at him, hands trying to coax him back into putting his weight on you. “My perfect girl with her perfect body,” he praises, his free hand going up your body until his fingers meet your lips. He doesn’t need to command you to take them. You do it willingly, opening your lips to suck on his index and middle fingers greedily. Anton hums in approval. “Perfect mouth and tongue.” He pulls his fingers from your mouth and moves them over to your right boob, brushing wetness on your areola before moving to your left one and doing the same. “Perfect tits.” He slides his hand down still, navigating it through the valley between your breasts and the plush flesh of your stomach until it brushes over the waistband of your panties. He caresses over the top of the fabric, and you try not to whimper pathetically or squirm too much. Then, he finally slips his hand in between your legs, cupping your cunt harshly over your underwear. “And perfect pussy.”

“Baby, please,” you moan out. “Please touch me.”

He snickers at your desperate state, but hooks his fingers on the sides of the elastic band and pulls them down. You release a deep breath when the underwear is finally off you and another one when Anton’s hands go back to your body. “Fuck, imagine if Sungchan could see you right now, love,” he says, his right hand coming back to one of your nipples to pinch it again as his left one strokes the inside of your thighs. “If he could watch how much of a pathetic mess you get for me. So fucking desperate.”

“Anton,” you moan as his hand inches closer to your heat and he presses his palm on your left thigh to separate it from your right one, spreading you open before him.

“I wish he could hear how pretty you sound while you whimper my name like that, baby,” he says, moving his free hand to your bottom lip again and tapping on it. You open up, taking three of his fingers into your mouth now, licking over them and sucking on them. He presses his digits deep, reaching for your throat and you gag on them, but still don’t let him pull them from your mouth, closing your hands over his wrist to keep them there. “I wish he could watch you suck on my fingers and gag on them just like that, my perfect girl.”

He pulls his fingers out of your mouth as fast as he slipped them in, getting his hand out of your hold and moving his damp digits to your pussy. You almost let out a squeal when he rubs on your clit, spreading your legs further apart for him. You look at his face while he watches the movements he makes on your cunt, his other fingers rubbing over your folds as his thumb keeps pressing on the nub on top of it. “I wish he could see how wet you are right now. You’re going to soak our sheets, love.”

You bite on your lip, gripping the sheets and planting the soles of your feet on the mattress while he remains kneeled in between your legs bringing you pleasure. “It’s your fault. You always get me so wet. I’ve been like this since the elevator.”

“Hmmm, I know, baby,” he mutters appreciatively, eyes glued to the juices sticking to your cunt, his fingers noisily working over you. “You’re so naughty. Can’t help getting horny for me anywhere, right?”

You nod, biting on the inside of your cheek now, moving your hips slowly with the movements from his hand. “Yeah. I want you all the time.”

“Fuck,” he groans and you see his dick jumping against the wet patch forming on his underwear. “I think Sungchan would love seeing how much of a whore you become for me.”

“Just for you, baby,” you affirm between moans.

Anton’s gaze slides up to yours again whilst he starts to massage over your hole, the jealousy in it now fizzling out, leaving behind shiny heart-eyes for you. “Yeah, just for me. He can’t have all of that anymore, baby. He can’t see you or touch you or hold you or hear you or fuck you. Only I can, right?”

“Yes,” you groan, bucking your hips up when he finally slips one digit inside you, your walls contracting over it. “Only you can, baby. I’m your girl.”

“You’re my girl,” he repeats, adding another finger inside, making your head spin. “My perfect girl, I’m going to ruin you.”

Anton puts his free hand beside your head and hunches down so he can press his forehead against yours while his other hand keeps working your pussy slowly open. His long thick fingers plunge deep inside of you and it’s crazy how easy they slip in and out, your wetness making the slide smooth, even when he starts to make scissor motions and bending his knuckles.

“Anton,” you moan, touching his neck and trying to keep your eyes open to look at his flushed face. “Feels so good.”

“Yeah, baby?” He says with a sly smile, getting his fingers completely out of you at the same time to run over your pussy lips, making you whine in frustration from being empty again. “Tell me how much you like it.”

“I like how your fingers reach so deep inside me,” you grumble, trying not to close your eyes when you feel him grazing over your clitoris again. “Your cock, too. You’re so fucking big all over.”

“You like that I’m big?” He asks, rubbing little circles on your clit. 

You nod, scratching the nape of his neck to release some stress as he keeps teasing you. “I was afraid you wouldn’t fit the first time. But like I said, you always get me so wet.” 

“I do, don’t I?” He whispers, a sleek smile on his lips, focused eyes watching your every reaction to him.

His hands descend again, looking for your entrance, and you mewl when he finds it, his digits shallowly stroking it. You bite your bottom lip before replying to him. “You do. You’re so patient with me, too. I love how attentive you are.”

“Awww, sweet girl,” Anton coos, mocking your frenzied state, his lips curving up. “All of that praise just because you want me to finger you properly?”

You chuckle at his words. Of course he can read you like an open book. He always can.

You pull his mouth to yours to press a lingering peck on his lips, your hips grinding up to look for more friction. “I mean what I said,” you state over his lips, giving him pleading eyes. “But doesn't your sweet girl deserve a reward for inflating your ego?”

He snickers and kisses the corner of your mouth. “Of course you do, baby.”

Then he’s inserting two of his fingers inside you again, the stretch making you open your mouth in a big ‘O’ and squeeze his shoulders. He’s still relaxed with it, delicately rubbing your walls, slowly bringing you pleasure.

He kisses the moles on your shoulder and you crane your neck to the side, silently asking for more smooches on your skin. He chuckles and follows your silent request, pressing his kisses on your neck and clavicle.

“I love giving you what you want, baby,” he whispers, his thumbnail grazing under your clitoris. “You look so good taking it.”

You try so hard concentrating on what he’s saying, but the pace of his fingers inside you is slow and deliberate, making you dizzy with want, your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“You’re so good to me,” you reply after a beat passes. “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” he confesses back, his lips now on your right boob.

He keeps kissing you and licking every part of your body his mouth can reach, sucking on your skin and marking you all over. When his kisses travel down your stomach, his fingers start to curl up in your pussy, and you hitch a breath when he comes face to face with it. He presses his free hand down on your lower belly and looks up to see your hazy eyes focused on him. He smirks, adding a third finger and you feel more juices coming out of you, enveloping his fingers in a slick mess. 

He looks down again, now laser-focused on your heat. “My baby’s got such a pretty pussy. I love to watch you from here.”

“Just watch?” You ask, your voice already hoarse from moaning.

He cocks his head to the side, as if he has no idea what you mean. “Why, baby? You want me to do something else?”

You move a hand to his face, thumb rubbing his cheek while your other fingers press on his neck, trying to get him closer to your cunt. He resists you easily, your hold on him being too weak in the state you're in.

“Anton,” you groan, giving him puppy eyes again. “Please.”

He sets his eyes firm on yours. “Ask for what you want with your words and I’ll give it to you, baby.”

“I w-w-want,” you stutter, your breath coming out ragged. “I want your mouth.”

“Where?”

You expel a frustrated sigh before replying. “On my clit, please.”

“You got it, babe.”

You’re expecting him to lick at your bud, but Anton surprises you by enveloping his whole mouth around it and suctioning hard.

“Oh my fuck,” you moan, hips bucking up as he combines speeding his fingers inside you and sucking on your clit with an enthusiasm that has you seeing stars. You try opening your legs more to feel it all and give him space, and he follows your cunt in every wiggle of your body.

“Sweetest pussy ever,” he says after retreating a little. “Can’t get enough of your taste, baby.”

Then he’s back at it, licking up at you, swift and strong strokes of his tongue going from your entrance to your clit and slurping up your juices. You squeeze his neck and move your hand up the top of his head to ruffle his hair and tug on his strands, earning a groan from him that vibrates through your whole body.

You move your free hand to grab at his forearm pressing on your belly. He looks up at you and grabs your hand, his fingers slipping on the space between yours. He moves both of your hands to press on your body again, bending his wrist up to keep your palms connected as his veins become prominent from the force he’s applying, making him even hotter. You ground yourself with his hand on yours, feeling his affection enveloping your body and soul.

You love when he eats you out just like this — hungry eyes gazing directly at you, hand linked with yours, messy hair from your pulls and a skilled experience years of getting to know your body gave him. It always makes you feel close to him and also never fails to drive you crazy.

He goes back to sucking at you in rough and messy intakes and the fingers inside you start to move deeper and harder. You lose eye contact, resting your head against the pillows as a prolonged moan of his name makes its way out of your lips. When it subsides into hoarse whimpers and cries, you begin to feel the bed shake and look down again. You see Anton is rutting his hips on the space in between your legs, jolting both of you with every one of his thrusts. The movement somehow helps with the feeling of his fingers inside of you, making them quicker and sharper, and you scratch on his shoulder from how good it all feels.

Anton catches your gaze again and tightens his hold on your hand, rearing back to lay kisses on your thighs while he speaks to you. “I’m so damn hard for you, baby.”

You press your nails on his skin again, probably leaving marks. Thinking about his hard dick and how his thrusts on the sheets could be inside you has you trembling with want. “I want it, Tonie. Need your thick cock inside me so bad.”

“I’ll give it to you after you cum for me one time, okay?” He asks, thumb rubbing the back of your hand.

“Yeah, okay,” you breathe out, nodding at him.

He nips the inside of your left thigh. “You’re feeling good, right?”

You nod again, neck straining from the sensations moving through you. “So good. You’re so good at this, fuck.”

He gives your other leg the same attention, rasping his teeth on your skin. “You close?”

“I’m getting there.”

“Hmmm,” he ponders for a bit. Then he shifts his wrist slightly and bends his fingers in your cunt, finding that spongy spot inside you. “What if I do this?”

Your mouth hangs open in a hoarse moan, hips lifting up on instinct, trying to meet his hand. “Tonie, shit, that’s it. Please don’t stop.”

“Found it,” he whispers to himself, a smirk playing on his lips.

Anton’s mouth comes back to your clit, sucking and licking on it nonstop while he keeps his knuckles crooked inside you, driving his fingers in with more force and speed each time they slide out. He presses down your lower belly with more vigor, putting some of his weight into it, and you start to feel the crushing pleasure from inside and out. It’s too much and not enough at the same time, so you close your thighs on his head and hand, rest your feet on his shoulders and swivel your hips to the best of your ability given the force he’s applying on you, trying to meet his frantics movements, looking for more friction, more satisfaction, just more.

The noises become louder and harder to ignore, driving you to insanity. The squelching sounds from his fingers and your wetness, the slippery suction of your intimate flesh, the creaking of the bed, Anton’s soft groans pulsating through you, the rustling of the sheets, your own moans and whimpers coming out broken.

There’s sweat on Anton’s forehead and you brush his hair back, giving you a perfect view of his shiny black eyes and how he’s devouring you whole. Not only his fingers and mouth, but his mind and soul are working intently to get you to your high.

Your pussy starts to flutter around his digits, gripping them and sucking them in. You feel your muscles straining, tensing and relaxing repeatedly, twitching under your skin. Your legs are shaking, your fingers on Anton’s hair and hand trembling, your throat producing incoherent sounds and a familiar churning growing on your core.

You’re sure you can feel each one of your boyfriend’s three fingers rubbing at your walls, prodding at the sweet place deep inside you, when you become restless. Your impending orgasm creeps up on you unexpectedly, fast flames licking at your ankles, knees and elbows and spreading like wildfire to your limbs and torso, blowing your mind.

Then you feel it. The way your stomach contracts against Anton’s hand, how the weight over it is almost unbearable, a crushing presence urging you to peak. It makes you panic, hand gripping over Anton’s hand so hard your knuckles turn white and your nails dig into his skin.

“Baby, baby, wait, I’m—” You try to warn, but it’s too late. You’re cumming, your orgasm wrecking through your body and a clear and short stream of liquid pouring out of you and hitting your boyfriend on the chin. You’ve just squirted.

You’re instantly ashamed, covering your face with your hands, but Anton is unaffected by it. He just withdraws his face from your cunt, pins one of your legs to the bed and keeps pressing his fingers deep inside you, his thumb replacing his lips and moving messy and loud circles on your clit. Through the crack in between your fingers, you see his tongue poking out and licking down his chin and lips, his eyes set on your pussy, still trying to bring you the utmost pleasure.

He works you for a moment while your orgasm courses through you, and when the flames finally subside, you move your hand to push on his wrist, while tears brim your eyes and your jaw and throat hurt from all the moaning. Only then he pulls back completely, sitting on his haunches, resting his hands over his thighs and watching your chest heaving and the red flush all over your skin.

“I knew you’d soak our sheets,” he says, voice soft and frazzled.

You whine, closing your legs in embarrassment and pressing the heels of your hands on your eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Your gargled words have Anton touching and hovering over you again, rubbing at your ankle and kissing your hip bones, one after the other. “Hey, hey, none of that, please.” His hand moves up to your waist and he trails a thread of kisses on your whole stomach. “You always look so sexy when you do that, baby.” He smooths his palms on your elbows, coaxing you to open up so he can see your face. “I wanted you to do it. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

You just whimper again, not loosening up to the pressure of Anton’s hands. 

He moves his hands to yours, rubbing on your knuckles. “Come on, baby. Let me see your pretty face all red.” He places a kiss on your left shoulder. “Wanna kiss you, please.”

You reluctantly pull your hands away, but you press your left cheek on the pillow so he can only see your profile. He chuckles and cradles your face on both of his hands, moving your head straight so he can see you clearly.

“There you are,” he coos, his thumbs swiping at the tears collected on your waterline. “Hi, love.”

You give him a pout and look down. “Hi.”

“Look,” he starts, voice soft and eyes kind. “I have no idea why you get so ashamed when that happens, but you need to know it’s fucking hot. Like, I wish it would happen everytime.”

“You’re exaggerating,” you mumble out, tracing patterns on the skin of his right shoulder, still not meeting his eyes.

“No, I’m not. Baby, some guys only dream of making their girlfriends squirt,” he explains. You flinch at the last word. “I get to do it every once in a while and it feels amazing.” He shifts his face so you have no choice but to look directly into his eyes. “Does it feel like that for you, too?”

You sigh deeply, his reasoning infiltrating your mind. “Yeah, it does.”

“Then stop ruining this for you,” he says with finality. “It’s a body reaction, it feels good, and you like it. So why not enjoy it? It’s not a bad thing, love.”

“Okay, you’re too reasonable for someone that just blew my brains out,” you complain, weakly pushing his face. “Stop, please.”

Anton laughs, his chest rumbling against yours, and you smile back at him. When his lips peck yours, he puts his whole weight on your body to press his still hard length on your leg, the fabric of his jeans rough against your skin. “Reasonable while I’m hard for you, at that.”

You make a grumpy face at him. “You didn’t cum in your pants for me?”

He smiles wickedly. “I held it in for you.”

“Why would you do that?” You ask, an annoyed look taking over your face.

“Wanna cum inside you,” he whispers, nipping on your bottom lip.

You scrunch your eyebrows together. “I don’t think you deserve it, Anton.”

“I don’t deserve it after blowing your brains out?”

“You should’ve cummed with me the first time!” You exclaim, feeling heated over the subject. “Honestly, how much do you like me squirting when you can’t even soil your pants over it?”

He chuckles because of your defensiveness. “Here I was thinking you’d be glad because this way we can get right to it—”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

He tilts his head to the side. “Huh?”

“My love,” you say calmly, trying to sound as patient as he was with you a minute ago. “I like to make you weak as much as you like to make me weak.”

“Ahhhh,” he mumbles, realization dawning on his features.

“So, next time be weak for me, all right?”

“Got it, love,” he says, giving you a happy smile you can’t help but return.

You move your hand to his face, feeling the softness of his underlip with your thumb. Then you’re pulling him in for a kiss and moving your tongue inside of his mouth. He tastes like your pussy and something still undeniably him, and you sigh against his mouth, sucking his tongue and biting his lips. He kisses you tenderly, tucking strands of your hair over your ear and massaging your shoulders. You can’t get enough of him.

When you separate for air, your eyes glint at his, hand going down to press on his bulge. “Great, now fuck me.”

Anton groans and bites your cheek. “You’re so romantic, baby.”

You laugh while you try to tug the waistband of his jeans down, but his hips being so close to yours hinder your actions. He gives you a peck and then slides down the bed to stand up, yanking his pants away and revealing his briefs, a moist patch on its front. Then he’s pulling that down, too, and his cock slaps against his abdomen while he kicks the clothes off.

You lick your lips staring at his puffy cock, moistness accumulated on his swollen tip. He goes back to the bed, climbing atop of you. You quickly wrap your hand around the root of his shaft, then collect his precum on his head to smear it all over his length. Anton whines, his forehead hitting your shoulder.

“So sensitive, right?” You whisper over his ear. “Maybe you wouldn’t be if you hadn’t held it in…”

He snickers, biting on your shoulder. “I said I got it, baby. Can we drop the subject now?”

You humph, squeezing his tip, earning a moan from him. “I’m just making a point here, pretty boy. I can tease too.”

“You tease me all the time by being you,” he whispers against your skin, moving his mouth to your neck. “Being annoyed at me only makes you hotter.”

You smile and kiss the end of his shoulder. “Well, then you should fuck your hot girlfriend, baby.”

He’s so quick to pull back from your shoulder that you almost laugh at him. “How do you want it?”

“Spoon me,” you say and he gets off of you so you can lay sideways.

Once you’re positioned, he comes behind you, chest pressing against your shoulder blades and left arm fitting in the space between your neck and the mattress to wrap around your torso, his hand gripping on your opposing shoulder. He places his other hand on the inside of your right thigh to separate it a little from the left one, getting his hips close to yours. His dick hits the swell of your ass and you wiggle your butt to feel more of it.

“You like that I get so deep like this, don’t you?” He taunts, lips on your earlobe raising goosebumps on your body.

You reach your hand back to grip on his hip bone. “Anton, just shut up and fuck me.”

You love the man, you really do, but sometimes — mainly in bed, when you’re horny and desperate — he just talks way too damn much.

“Alright, Miss Editor,” he says with a chuckle. “So impatient tonight.”

You feel his knuckles skimming against your skin as he grabs his dick to tap it on your cunt, his head sliding against your folds. You both sigh at the first contact, chests contracting and expanding at the same time, and you dig your nails at his skin. Then Anton is moving his hips back and positioning himself, his tip prodding at your entrance for a moment before he’s gliding inside in one swift motion until he bottoms out, your arousal making it smooth and painless.

Anton releases a sigh when his hips are flush against yours and you feel suspended in the air and filled, your chest falling forward, your back separating from his chest and your hands supporting yourself on the sheets.

“Oh fuck,” you moan, voice already strained.

Anton doesn’t let you be distant from him for too long. He pulls you right back against his body, hand moving down from your shoulder to your boob, and thrusts into you shallowly. 

“Stay with me, love,” he whispers in your ear.

You move your hand to grip onto his forearm, grounding yourself whilst you feel your pussy throbbing around him. “Tonie,” you say breathlessly. “Feels so full, so deep.”

He wraps his free arm around your waist, bringing you impossibly closer to him, rocking your hips forward together, making sure he’s buried within you to the hilt. “That’s why you chose this position, right?”

“Mhmm,” you murmur, pressing your lips to his wrist. “Can you move, baby?”

You feel him nod against your neck and a moment later he’s going almost all the way out, letting only his tip inside, and then pushing forward again, until he hits your deepest walls. He does it three times in a row and it’s like you can feel him all the way from your core to your lungs, his thrusts pushing air right out of you and leaving you breathless.

You move your hand back to his hip again for support.  Anton takes the moment to slide his hand down your butt, fingers spreading around one of your ass cheeks as he rests the top of his head between your shoulder blades to watch the way you take him in, keeping his thrusts slow and steady.

“Look at the way your pussy takes my cock, fuck,” he says, groaning in between his words. “Always stretching up for me so good, wrapping all around me.”

“Anton,” you moan, aiding his movements with your hand, trying to pull him closer and deeper inside you.

He starts pressing kisses over your skin and his hand lightly slaps your ass, rubbing the place right after, the sting making you clench around him. “I could live inside this pussy forever.”

His words get to you, like it always happens, and your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Holy fucking shit.”

“Would you like that, baby?” He whispers, his lips pressing on your neck, the hand on your boob flicking your nipple. “I bet you would. You love having me inside of you.”

You nod, sure that he can see you. “Yeah. I’m obsessed with—” The next words die in your mouth, replaced by a hiss when his hand pulls your leg up, changing the angle slightly.

“Obsessed with what, baby?” He asks, as if he’s not making your train of thought weaker by the second.

“With you… and your cock,” you say through gritted teeth while he starts to speed his pace. “Just obsessed. Love the way you fill me up.”

You’re not lying. You are obsessed with his dick. Truefully, you’re obsessed with all of him. Probably just as much as he’s obsessed with you. You make the hottest maniac couple possible.

You can’t see his face correctly, but you know he’s smiling because of the noise he makes, his smugness showing up from his sounds and the snap of his hips on yours. “I know you do, baby. Can’t get enough of this dick, right? You act like a little slut for it.”

“Jesus, baby…” You’re all out of words, your body and mind being consumed by him.

“My girl got a pussy made for me to fuck,” he praises, hand gripping your thigh so hard you’re a positive he’s bruising you. “Fucking perfect, made for me. Perfect for me.”

“You— you’re the one who’s perfect,” you stutter out, moving your lips to press kisses on his knuckles.

“You’re perfect for me and I’m perfect for you,” he states, his hand going from your thigh to your face, making you turn your head so he can look into his eyes. “We’re made for each other.”

And then he kisses you, stealing what’s left of your breath, tongue licking your lips and invading your mouth. After that, he taps two of his fingers on your lips and you take them in, sucking on them languidly as you give him the sultriest look you can muster. He smiles at you and puts the same fingers around your nipple, wetting it with your saliva as he twitches the peaked bud. His lips descend upon your neck to wrap around your other boob and he sucks on the neglected nipple. You moan and arch your back, driving your ass and hips back in time with his growing thrusts forward, mind going dizzy from how good you’re feeling.

Anton smiles around your breast, looking up at your face and you see in his eyes how much he loves driving you crazy. It makes you put your hands around his head and pull his lips back to yours, kissing him with all your might. You love him so much you think you might explode sometimes.

His hips start to hit you with more force and speed and you pull back for air, but keep his face close to yours, mouths still connected and breaths mingling whenever one of you moans, sharing kisses, licks and bites on each other’s lips.

“Love of my life,” Anton whispers over your mouth. “I love you so fucking much.”

From the very first time you fucked, Anton showed you how much he valued connection. Yes, you two love to try out freaky positions and new ways to pleasure each other. However, he said it time and time again the one thing that surpassed all of it was being close to you. Nothing could compare to the feeling of his skin against yours, of you being wrapped on his body and inside his embrace, gaze locking with yours and his hands being free to roam all around you.

He made you addicted to the feeling as well and without even noticing you started to always search for positions where he’d be pressed as close to you as possible.

The position you’re in right now is good, but not ideal, mainly after his thrusts became faster, his hips sending you lurching with each snap as his arms pulled you back to him, throwing your body back and forth. When he grabbed your face to kiss you, it just turned more uncomfortable, your body now twisted at the waist to keep looking at him as he pounds on you from behind.

You’re about to ask him for a change when he proves he’s one step ahead of you, slowing down his thrusts to a stop and rocking his hips one more time before pulling out. “Gotta change,” he says breathlessly, resting your thighs back on the mattress. “Need to look into your eyes while having you.”

“Should I ride you?” You ask, but he’s already moving over you and pushing your shoulder until your back hits the sheets, his other hand spreading your thighs open.

“Maybe for the second round,” he says and you chuckle, not quite believing he has the energy to think of doing all of this again. “Be my pillow princess for now, baby. Let me take good care of you.”

He sits on his haunches and secures your legs apart before moving a hand back to his cock, pressing on his leaking tip and then moving it down to the base. He teases you both for a second while he taps his cock on your folds, hissing with you in unison, and then he’s passing through your hole and pushing inside again, hips kissing yours.

You clench around him almost as an instinct and Anton throws his head back, reveling in the way you wrap around his cock, his hips pushing you forward. He lowers his chest to meet yours, caging you in between his arms that press on the sheets on both sides of your head, looming over you and dipping the mattress with his weight.

“Still soaking wet and tight for me even after we’ve done this a million times,” he says, pulling back slightly to drive inside you with more force. “You make it so hard to hold myself back.”

You move your hands to his neck, feeling his hair damp with sweat. “Don’t hold back. I want you to feel good.”

“Don’t worry.” He moves a hand to your waist, pressing you against the sheets and thrusting in again. “I always feel good when I’m inside you, baby.”

You wrap your legs around his lower back, crossing your ankles together and pressing your heels on his ass to force him to fuck you with more power. “Baby, you have no idea what you do to me,” you mumble, moving your lips to press on the apple of his cheek. “I feel like I’m addicted to you.”

Anton all but melts, slowing down to look directly in your eyes and pay attention to what you’re saying. “Yeah, baby?”

“I need you to know how much I need you,” you say, your voice starting to falter, your hands getting antsy and squeezing his shoulders. “I’d never ever think about replacing—”

He soothes you with a hand on your face, sweeping your hair back. “Shhh, I know, baby, I know.”

“No, you don’t.” You shake your head, eyes glazing over him. “I really don’t want anyone else. You’re the one for me.”

“I know, love,” he coos, stroking your face and kissing your temple. “You’re it for me, too, sweet girl.”

“I fucking love you,” you utter, your lips skiming against his at each word, in the same beat as he thrusts deep inside you. “Nothing— no one else measures up to this, you and me.”

He smiles, resting his forehead against yours. “You and me, baby. That's all that matters.”

You seal your vows with a kiss, your mouths clicking like puzzle pieces. Just like how your body fits beneath his, how his hands are carved to drag on your skin, how your fingers are modeled to grip his hair and your nails to rake through his back, how both of your moans sync up, harmonizing together, how his hips attach on the dip of yours, how his cock is suit to fuck you, how your pussy is made to suck it in.

There’s so many messy aspects of your lives, so much baggage you both carry. But this, being together, belonging with each other is what makes all the imperfection make sense, no matter how fucked up life gets.

Anton licks his way down from your lips to your neck, his mouth suctioning on your pulse point and his hands squeezing your waist. He’s still fucking you leisurely, every movement deliberate and intense, and from the way he digs his fingers into your skin and your moans make your throat hoarse, you know you’ll cum just like this.

“Shit, you’re so freaking perfect,” he chokes, his uneven breaths hitting your skin. “Perfect for me.”

You agree, lifting your hips up to move in tandem with his, chasing your high. “Yes, perfect for you.”

He bites on your earlobe, then speaks over it. “You’re gonna cum for me, my perfect girl? Gonna make a big mess on my cock?”

You speed up the movements a bit, trying to scratch the itch that gnaws at your lower belly, feeling yourself clenching over him. “Yeah, I’m so close, baby,” you gasp.

“That’s it, love, that’s it,” he says, pressing his face on yours again, nuzzling your nose. “You’re taking it so good. Such a good girl for me.”

He grabs one of your legs to crook it, fitting the back of your knee on the bend of his arm and stretching it up. The new move makes him plunge deeper inside you, his tip hitting the back of your walls, right on your g-spot.

“Oh my gosh, Anton,” you whimper, clawing at his lower back. “Don’t stop, please.”

“Fuck, I love how whiny you get every time,” he says, soft and gruff, pressing his lips to your cheeks. “So desperate to cum for me.”

He wraps his forearm around your leg to reach for your pussy, digits rubbing on your clit at rapid pace, in contrast with his slow fucking. You grow agitated, curling your toes and bucking your hips, hands gripping any of his flesh you can reach and a string of broken moans falling from your lips. Anton gulps on each one of your sounds, lips rasping against yours as he moves his free hand to your lower back, pulling you more into him while you arch for him, both still trying to feel every part of you as possible. Your pussy is clenching around him without control right now and you feel your restraint slipping away with each passing second.

“Shit, you’re clenching on me so tight, baby,” he groans, and you see the burning under his eyes, how his hands get more antsy, too. “Gonna make me cum, too.”

“Yesyesyesyesyes,” you mutter like crazy, pressing a hand on his face to smooth down the place between his eyebrows where his skin is squeezed shut, obviously trying to hold himself back. “Anton, inside, please.”

That’s what does it for him. The desperate plea on your lips, how urgent your voice calls his name, asking him to give you his seed. He kisses you one more time and then he’s cumming, hot thick spurts filling you up and triggering your own orgasm. It hits you right in the chest, stealing all breath while you chant his name like a religious hymn.

Anton doesn’t stop, because he never does. He frees your leg and sits on his haunches, grabbing your hips and making you ride the high together, still thrusting inside you whilst your cunt convulses around him, watching how white rings of your hole form around his swelled up cock, speaking nonsense. Once he’s almost done, he slowly dips inside you three more times, rocking his hips forward the most he can on the last one, until he can see his cum leaking out of you from how much he gave you.

He stays connected with you and sinks back down on the bed, fitting his head on the space between your neck and shoulder. You stay silent for a while, letting your labored breath slow down while you’re both brought down from the peak. You notice how loud you were being. The absence of your moans, the rustling of the sheets, of your skin slapping together and your headboard hitting the wall is calming right now, but it also stresses you for a whole different reason.

You rub on Anton’s shoulders and tilt your head to the side to kiss his cheek. “These walls are thick, right?”

He opens his tired eyes to look at you. “Scared we’ll get a noise complaint, baby?”

“I mean, we can’t afford being expelled from the building, Anton,” you say firmly in response to the humour in his voice.

He chuckles and drops a kiss on the bridge of your nose. “Relax, baby. They can’t expel us until we get like three strikes.” 

You look at him quizzically. “What does that mean?”

“Like, we have to be notified three times for the same wrongful behavior,” he explains. “I read the condo regulations when we got this place.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “What did you read it for?”

“Hmm, moments like this?” He says with a teasing smile. “We both know how loud you can get.”

You roll your eyes and push at his shoulder, annoyed. “Get up, you’re all sweaty.”

He doesn’t back down, instead getting his face all up on yours and kissing your cheek. “You like it when I get sweaty.”

“Not like this,” you say, truly feeling sticky with his hot skin still pressed on yours. You try to push him off you, but he doesn’t even budge. “Seriously, baby, I feel gross. And we need to showeeer.”

He tightens his hold around you and pouts. “Gimme a kiss first.”

You give in to him, pressing your lips on his for the last time before he finally lets up, getting off your body, his softening cock pulling out of you. You feel more of his cum dripping out of you as you sit up and move your shaky legs to the side of the bed. Anton follows your movement, staying on his knees and pressing soft kisses on your spine whilst you breathe deeply.

“My hot, annoyed girlfriend,” he whispers on your skin. “I’ll have to fuck you again if you keep up with this act.”

You finally laugh as he kisses his way up your shoulders. “Well, you’re annoying sometimes! Always teasing me, even when I asked you not to!”

“I’m sorry, my love,” he says on your neck. “Would you forgive me if I carry you to the bathroom princess style?”

You pretend to muse on the thought. “Hmm, maybe.”

The next moment he’s up and wrapping one arm around your back and the other under your knees, picking you up to carry you to the en-suite bathroom. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his clavicle as he walks and a few seconds later he’s dropping you back to the ground.

“Start without me and I’ll join you in a minute,” he says before giving you a long peck on the lips. “I have to take care of the big mess you left on our sheets.”

He turns his back to you and you swat at his butt for that comment. “See? Annoying!”

Anton just laughs as he gets out of the bathroom, leaving you to it. You sigh and get on the toilet, analyzing your frazzled state in the mirror while you pee. Your hair sticks at odd places, your eyes look glassy and your skin is covered in perspiration and link marks. The boy said he would ruin you and ruin you he did. You sigh happily, the thought making you giddy.

After you clean yourself, you walk on still wobbly legs to your side of the bathroom vanity to grab a hair tie, then move to the shower to turn the faucet on. You brush back your strands with your fingers while you wait for the water to warm up, checking in the mirror that your hair looks decent enough before tying it in a firm bun. You step into the shower stream, then, letting it wash away all the grime and remnants of your lovemaking. Anton joins you a few minutes later, pressing his chest on your back so the water stream hits him, too. You hum contendly when he presses a kiss to the crown of your head.

His aftercare is the best, as always. He cleans you and himself up almost all on his own. You notice how he initially reaches for your body wash, but ends up brushing it aside to grab his body wash, lathering you up with bubbles. You keep your lips sealed about it as he scrubs you softly with your violet sponge, even getting down on his knees to brush it over your legs and feet, making you laugh. He also lets you hog the stronger stream of water, too busy kissing and caressing your skin to care for it. It all feels so good you start to feel sleepy. Once you’re done, he wraps you both in your matching fluffy white robes and pulls you back with him to the bedroom, kissing your lips again.

As you step in the bedroom, the room feels chilly and fresh, the pine scent of your air freshener spray lingering in the air. Your bed is made with new crispy white sheets and a pair of Anton’s pajamas rest over the quilt. He grabs the bottoms and starts to put them on and you move to your wardrobe to catch a nightie for you. But he’s quick to pull you back to him by your wrist, the top part of his pajamas in hand.

“Would you mind wearing this tonight?” He asks, voice soft and careful. “Please? For me?”

It’s funny how he’s gingerly requesting you something while towering over you, big shoulders and arms on display. A strong bulky man turned uncertain and sweet in front of his much weaker and dainty girlfriend.

“Sure, baby,” you reply, opening your robe and letting it fall off your shoulders. You reach your arms up and look at Anton expectantly. “Can you help me put it on, please?”

He gives you a giddy smile and rushes to do just that, helping by putting his shirt on you, first passing your arms through the holes first and then your head. He pulls it down until the comfy fabric hugs your body nicely and the bottom of it reaches until a little past your butt. With this, you’re completely wrapped around Anton's scent. Which definitely was his goal all along.

He makes it crystal clear when he wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you up and putting his nose right on your neck and inhaling deeply. “You smell so good, baby.”

You giggle, crossing your arms over his neck. “I smell like you, you mean.”

He pulls back with an embarrassed smile, a pink tint flushing his ears. “Exactly.”

You press your hand on the nape of his neck and pull him down to kiss him languidly. Anton hums happily on your lips, sitting down on the bottom of the bed and moving you to his lap. You sit with your legs perpendicular to his and wrap yourself tightly in his embrace, giving smooches on his face and neck.

When you pull back, Anton is smiling like a school boy at you. “Oh, I already ordered some jajangmyeon and fried chicken for us. It should be here in a few minutes,” he tells you.

You smile back at him and move a hand to your now growling stomach at the mention of your favorite comfort food. “Wow, you really are the love of my life.”

He nods proudly and grips your hand to press kisses onto your open palm. You trace the lines of the muscles on his shoulder with your free hand while he does it, scouring your mind for a way to softly broach the subject of his obvious jealousy.

Then you sigh and decide to just rip the bandaid off. 

“So, uh,” you start uncertain, and his eyes go to yours, showing he’s listening to you, his lips still pressed on your palm. “The Sungchan thing really bothered you, right?”

Anton tenses and pauses mid-kiss on your skin, his body becoming stiff under yours. He scrunches his eyebrows together and shrugs, trying too hard to seem laid back. “No, not at all. Does it look like I’m bothered?”

You bite on your lower lip and nod slowly, seeing his cheeks blushing.

“Oh,” he mutters after a beat, dropping your hand and looking down. “Well, I guess it did bug me a little bit, then.”

You scratch on his hair, trying to be supportive, and softly ask, “Can you tell me why, baby?”

“I don’t know,” he says, still looking down, suddenly very engrossed in pulling at a thread on his pants. “I mean, you told me all about him. And I think, maybe, knowing it all— Like how he was your first real thing, the first guy that you actually loved… It all made me a little insecure. And then he appeared out of nowhere and he’s obviously tall and handsome. And then he’s flirting with you, you said so yourself, and you’re chatting up with him all buddy-buddy—”

“I wasn’t buddy-buddy with him,” you say and Anton looks at you exasperated with the interruption, but you gaze back at him with an adamant expression. “We just talked. He heard about the promotion when I was speaking with you and asked me about it. Honestly, it didn’t mean anything to me, baby.”

“I’m not saying it meant something to you. But he was very obviously trying to get you, even after he saw you were committed. I’m not dumb, Y/N. It just upset me.”

“But I rejected him. Very clearly, at that — like no, thanks, you wouldn’t have a chance with me even if I didn’t have my amazing ass boyfriend.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t know all of that,” he huffs, still brooding. 

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t give you a play by play of our talk while you ravaged me,” you say, voice full with sarcasm.

He gives you a pointed look. “You could’ve told me before that!”

“And how was I supposed to know you were so upset about it if you didn’t say something?” you counter. “I know I’m great and all, but I can’t read minds yet, Anton.”

He shrugs and pouts. “Anyway, you asked me how I felt about it and that’s it.”

“You’re so cute when you’re this jealous,” you tease, squishing his cheeks and finally getting back at him from all the ways he taunted you tonight. Anton glares at you and you soften up, holding his face tenderly, your thumbs rubbing at his jaw. “Look, baby, I meant every word I said. You’re it for me. There’s no one else, no ex or past fling that can whisk me away from you, especially not a fuckboy like him.”

He nods at every word out of your mouth, eyes understanding.

“I completely get why you felt troubled tonight,” you continue. “But I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it when I say it doesn’t matter what he or anyone else tries to do, I won’t leave you. You’re stuck with me, baby boy. No take backs. No running away. No cheating. It’s you and me until the end… okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” he replies. His eyes are set firm now and you can tell he feels more confident by your reassurance. 

“You trust me, right?”

“I trust you, baby. And I feel the same way. You and me, always.”

“Always,” you nod, giving him a happy smile and looking him deep in his eyes. “I love you so bad.”

He visibly melts, his hands pressing on your waist again. “I love you, baby.” And a beat after he asks, “Was it okay, though? The possessive thing?”

You squint your eyes at him and stretch your arms around his back. “Well, I didn’t use our safe word…”

“I know, I’m just checking in,” he explains. “I  think I should’ve asked your color, right? But I was just so into it.”

“I was into it, too,” you confess, shimmying yourself further into his arms. “Honestly, it was freaking hot. You can do that again whenever you’d like.”

He laughs and pulls you closer, until your chest is flush against his. “Dirty girl.”

“What was it that you said again? That you’d love if he saw me like—”

“No, I said he can’t ever have you like that again. Never.”

“Never is such a strong word, baby,” you tease.

Anton’s eyes harden. “Is that your way of begging me to wreck you again? Because I will do it, Y/N,” he warns.

“I’m kidding!” You say, arms going up as if you're surrendering yourself. “Damn, tough crowd.”

“Wow, you should do stand up comedy, baby,” he sneers, still moping.

After that, you spend a while peppering kisses over his face to get him back to his smiling self and soon enough he’s cheerfully kissing you back.

“Oh, one more thing,” you say suddenly, rearing back to look at him. “You know what we talked about celebrating?” Anton nods and you barrel on. “I was thinking about how once you finish your residency, I’ll also be a year settled in my new spot at work. So we could totally take a few days off, maybe plan a big trip…”

“Oh, I like how you think, dirty girl,” he says and you jokingly slap at his arm. “No, seriously, that’s a great idea, love. Were you thinking about somewhere special?”

You nip at your bottom lip, nervous. “I was, actually.”

Anton moves his thumb to your mouth, brushing on your bottom lip to release it from your teeth. “Tell me, baby.”

“I was thinking… New Jersey,” you say with a smile.

Anton’s eyes widen at your answer and he corrects his posture a little, sitting up a little straighter. “Wait, really?”

“Really,” you reply, wrapping your arms around his cheeks as his shocked bright eyes look at you. “I just want to know the place you grew up in. You already got to know all my family, my town, my school friends, everything… It’s only fair I get to know yours too, right?”

“Shit, I love you so much,” he says suddenly, catching you by surprise. He places his hands on your face and pulls you in, resting his forehead against yours. “You have no idea how happy you make me.”

Heat rushes to your face because of his praise and you smooth your thumbs over the sides of his neck as he looks at you with stars in his eyes. It’s crazy how he still makes you feel like a shy schoolgirl after all this time. “I take it you like the idea, then?”

“I love it,” he whispers, pressing his lips on yours for a brief moment. “I can’t wait to show you around. And I’ll get to show you off to my friends, too!”

You smile seeing his happiness. “I’m glad you love it, baby. We should start planning it soon.”

He nods and pulls you to a hug, resting his chin on the top of your head. You hug him back just as tightly while you breathe together for a moment. Then Anton breaks the silence, “Wanna know what else we’ll get to do once we’re in New Jersey?”

“What?” You whisper.

Anton doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he moves his face to drop kisses on your shoulder, making you sigh. It’s a simple action, but it already riles you up and ignites a flame on your core, and soon you’re whining in his arms. That’s when he finally replies, his breath blowing over the damp skin he just kissed, “I’ll get to fuck you on my teenager bedroom, too.”

“Shit, baby,” you whimper, tugging on his hair, feeling yourself flush with heat.

You press your thighs together while you think about it, the scenario automatically appearing inside your mind. You imagine Anton rushing you into his bedroom, how he’d get you on his twin bed and drop to his knees while taking your pants off. How he’d move a finger to his lips to ask you to be silent before he starts dropping kisses all over your thigh. And how he’d spread you apart and close his lips on—

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Anton asks, interrupting your imagination and you bite your lips at being caught red-handed.

“Yeah,” you reply faintly while he keeps kissing your body, his mouth now on your jaw. You let your hands wander over his chest and arms, pressing on the muscles he carefully built over the years.

“Filthy, dirty girl,” he mutters teasingly, digging his fingers on your hips as he squeezes you against him. “You really want me to destroy you again.”

“You started it!” You accuse, driving your pointer finger into his chest.

“And I’m gonna finish it, baby,” he says playfully, pulling you in to kiss you.

You kiss him back, letting his tongue invade your mouth, and then, just as the kiss starts to get more desperate, your hands roaming over each other, the doorbell rings.

You push on his chest and leap out of his lap. “Yay, food’s here.”

Anton shakes his head at your happiness state because of food when he’s already half-hard in his boxers. But he can’t help but smile when you beckon him to follow you, hollering giddily, “Let’s eat, my love!”

He’s on your tail a second later, wrapping his arms around your waist and hauling you up, making you squeal. “Yeah, let's eat so we can quickly get to the dessert after,” he whispers with his lips over the shell of your ear, making you shiver all over.

The next day, while you’re having a fresh cup of coffee Anton made for you, a small piece of paper is flown under your door. 

Anton grabs it and smiles, walking back to your kitchen table to place it down in front of you. 

You take a peek at it with sleepy eyes and then tilt your head up to him. “A noise complaint?”

He drops down just enough to put a hand on the back of your head and peck your mouth. Then he whispers proudly over your lips, “Strike one, baby.”

As he laughs, you roll your eyes at him, not believing this silly annoying man is the love of your life.

But you’re so happy he is.

This might be my most self-insert work to this date. So many of reader's struggles are inspired by my own life, and that's why this story is very very very dear to me. As always, comments are appreciated. You can also talk to me about the fic on my askbox or tip me on my ko-fi, if you want. As always, thank you for reading!

[frog-necromancer]

Betting on a Losing Dog

Masterlist

Read on Ao3

Chapter 6: Till death do us part

Logan/fem!reader

Summary: An improvised (very soft and sweet) wedding before everything goes to shit. Oh and some angst of course. (Begging you on my hands and knees to leave comments please please please I love you)

Chapter: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7

Tags:

#drug abuse and addiction #swearing #angst #anger issues #main character death (it’s Logan sorry babes) #fluff and smut #kissing #alcohol abuse  #graphic description of violence and injuries #heavy angst #biting #thigh riding #oral (f receiving) #p in v sex #unprotected sex (wrap it up)  #attempt at humor #spending time as a family #intrusive thoughts #some gore #hurt no comfort (maybe a little comfort) #found family #marriage!?!! #self harm (skin picking) #throwing up #depression  #smoking #references to Christianity and religion #video game references #road trip

Till death do us part

The following day was a hazy blur. Neither F/N nor Logan spoke a lot, only a few words here and there and Laura stayed mostly quiet too. Sometimes she would throw out profanities in Spanish. Or at least F/N thought that they were. (If you speak spanish I’m sorry…)

Hours blurred together and F/N couldn't tell how much time had actually passed. It couldn't have been more than a day, she thought. It hadn't been night, right? Last thing she knew was that it would take two more days, but she didn't know how long ago that was.

Logan didn't take breaks, his gaze fixed on the road, but F/N could see his eyes fluttering from time to time. She was worried, but her mind was too hazy to do something about it. She felt terrible to numb herself at a time like this. At a time where Laura and Logan needed her. Logan hadn't changed, but neither had she. 

It must have been about a day when they passed an old chapel at the side of the dusty road. The building had seen better days, with a rotting facade and a couple of dirty broken windows. The once clean white paint was beginning to chip from the wood, making the building look almost moldy. 

“I…I want to light a candle…for Charles and the family and…and the others.”, F/N spoke, voice quiet and rough from not speaking for so long. She could see that Logan wanted to protest, to argue that they needed to keep driving, but she could also see how tired he actually was. “Since when do you believe in that stuff?”, He mumbled roughly, but there was no actual snark to his voice. F/N paused, did she believe in that stuff? Did she actually believe that lighting a candle would do anything but be a fire hazard? 

Probably not. 

But Kurt believed it with his whole heart. 

He would have done the same for her. And she had been putting this off for way too long. 

It didn't actually matter: “I don't know. But I want to do it” (Guys listen I'm an atheist that grew up Christian. I'm just leaning into the whole Christianity allegory. Please don't be offended!) Logan let out a little huff, tired eyes fixed to the dusty road ahead and for a moment F/N thought he wouldn't stop. That he’d keep ignoring her. 

But then he turned the wheel and a moment later the pick-up stopped just in front of the rundown chapel. 

“Make it quick.”, Logan muttered, resting his head on the wheel. F/N nodded, jumping out of the car. Her steps were a little unsteady but she would manage. Laura got out too. F/N sent her a gentle look, eyes just the tiniest bit teary: “let's pick some flowers for” She paused, who were these flowers for? For Charles? For Kurt? For the Munsons? “For everyone we've lost, alright?”, She finally spoke. Laura nodded softly. 

—

A few minutes later they both were holding a bouquet of wild flowers they had each picked. Laura's was a little smaller, but she looked very proud as she held it high to compare it to F/N's. They both were colorful and pretty in their own way. 

The mood was solemn, but at the sight of Laura sniffing the beautiful flowers, F/N couldn't help but smile. It was a sad and tired smile but a smile nonetheless.

“It's perfect Laura.”, she spoke with her hoarse voice: “Let's see if we can get into that chapel.” Laura nodded, rushing over to the double doors of the dusty building. F/N pushed against the wooden door, but there was a big metal lock blocking it. “It's locked.”, She sighed softly. 

Laura looked up at her, determination sparkling in her fierce brown eyes: “No! No!” She shook her head quickly, and before F/N could stop her or protest, Laura had extended her claws and cut down the lock, sparks flying as she cut through the metal. She grinned up at F/N who was not in the mood to lecture her about damaging other’s property. Instead she gently ruffled her head. “Thank you, Laura.”, She murmured, finally pushing the old doors open. 

The rusty hinges squeaked and dust danced in light that flooded through the dirty windows. It smelled of mold and dust, but the place had a strangely calming atmosphere to it. 

Their steps echoed in the building, this place had definitely seen better days, but at the same time the small forgotten chapel had an almost cozy flair to it. 

“Let's put the flowers down for a moment, maybe we can find some old candles” Laura nodded, putting the flowers down on an old wooden bench.

In a dusty carton box behind the altar, F/N found some old tealight candles. They were a little damaged but they would do. 

—

F/N blew on the stone altar to remove some of the dust, she couldn’t hold back a small cough as she tried to make the area look somewhat nice and less like straight from an end of the world movie. 

There was an old wooden crucifix. The small Cross had fallen over and the head of the Jesus figurine had broken off. F/N carefully laid it down, balancing the head on the uneven wood to make it look somewhat tactful. It was a sad display, but she did what she could. This was for her friends. Even if no one listened. 

Maybe this was for herself too.

She placed the candles in the middle of the altar, pausing when she realised that she didn't have a lighter. She was about to break the news to Laura when she saw an outstretched hand holding a cheaper plastic lighter beside her. “Thank you Logan.”, She muttered quietly, reaching for the object. Logan grunted in return. She hadn't even noticed that he had left the car, too deep in thought as she prepared the altar.

Her hands were shaking as she tried to light the candles. Her fingers felt weak and sweaty but she needed to do this alone. Logan was aware of her determination. He wouldn't offer his help. And she silently was thankful for that.

A lonely small flame danced upon the altar. Wordlessly, F/N placed her bouquet at the foot of the stone table. And for a moment they were silent. 

“I- I'm sorry…Kurt…Charles…”, Her voice  was barely above a whisper and on the verge of breaking: “Morph…Jean…Ororo…” She had to pause, take in a shaky breath before she could continue: “I- I had years to think about what to say- I had a speech prepared that I thought I'd one day hold at your graves… but now…I can't remember a word.” She paused, taking in another shuddering breath and Logan was a little worried that she'd fall over. “I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. I miss you all so so much”, she finally concluded, a lonely tear slipped down her cheek. Logan's eyes were burning, his heart heavy.

—

Silence filled the abandoned chapel, except for the occasional thud of Laura hitting the dilapidated wood benches with her foot claw, knocking out pieces of splintering wood. 

Logan had sat down next to her, head in his hands while F/N was still standing in front of the altar, head hung low.

“I-”, F/N finally broke the heavy silence, sighing softly. Laura was still holding onto her flowers, abusing the poor benches with her claw. “I always thought we would get married in a place like this” something between a sob and a laugh escaped her cracked lips at her little confession, it felt silly. 

She tasted blood.

Logan looked up at her in surprise, he hadn't expected her to bring up something like this. “Kurt wanted to officiate the wedding…bothered me about it for weeks…”, A teary smile had formed at the fond memory: “I told him it would never happen…” Laura had stopped kicking the bench.

“...but if it ever did, he would be the only one who I'd let perform the ceremony…”, She took in yet another a shaky breath, her throat felt raw and her eyes were burning.

“F/N”, she didn't turn around, she didn't think she could look at him right now without bursting into tears. Logan's voice was gravely yet incredibly gentle, filled with regret, pain and something like hope: “Would you…still like to get married?” He asked slowly, almost as if he was afraid of her answer. 

Finally F/N turned to him, her E/C eyes filled with surprise and anxiety: “Logan- this is not-” He stopped her: “How about right now?” Determination flashed through his hazel eyes. “Logan- I don't know- how much did you have to drink?” Logan shook his head, his voice firm yet filled with love: “Not enough to not know what I'm doing. Do you want to get married? Right now?” 

F/N blinked, her mind racing with possibilities: “Logan there's no one to perform the ceremony…” She began to weakly protest, but Logan was having none of her excuses: “It doesn't matter. You're here and I'm here and that's everyone that matters right now…no offence kid.” He sent Laura an apologetic look, the girl shrugged: “It's okay.”

F/N blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears that sprang to her eyes yet again and make sense of her muddled mind: “I- Logan. I- I don't know what to say. I thought you didn't want to-” 

When she looked at Logan his eyes were filled with adoration and love and F/N knew right then and there that this was the right thing to do. Finally she nodded: “Yes, I want to.” her voice was barely above a whisper and Logan let out an audible sigh of relief.

“Let me do this the right way.”, He mumbled, awkward yet determined as he slowly got down on one knee. His bones hurt at the quick movement, although he would never admit it.

His hands dived into the pocket of his dirty jacket, fumbling with something before he finally pulled out a small black box made of plastic. “It's one I picked up at that one gasstation we held at …nothing fancy but-” he stopped himself, coughing awkwardly.

“F/N, would you like to marry me?”, He finally asked, his expression filled with careful hope, gazing into her glossy E/C eyes. They were so beautiful, so soft and filled with love. He could get lost in them. He wanted to so badly…

F/N nodded quickly, her hand shooting to her mouth, she couldn't believe this was actually happening, something between a sob and a gasp: “Fuck! Yes! Yes, Logan!” Was all she got out. Logan gently pulled her hand into his and slid the ring onto her finger. He had to suppress a frown at the picked skin around her nails. The F/C nailpolish had begun to chip off days ago. 

The ring was cheap and fit poorly, it was way too big for her, but at that moment F/N would have been happy with nothing. 

His hand in hers was everything she needed.

Logan pulled her into an embrace, pressing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. He was smiling, tears at the corners of his eyes, this was a bittersweet moment. F/N didn't know whether to laugh or cry, she could hear Laura's quiet “Ew” but they both ignored it, too caught up in the ecstasy of the moment to care about anything.

“So…what now?” F/N asked as they loosened the hug. “We get married, of course”, Logan smiled faintly. It was obvious that F/N was still sceptical, but Logan gave her hands a reassuring squeeze: “Give us a moment, darling. How about you wait in the car.” F/N was about to protest but Logan sent her a stern look. He wanted to do this. For them. For her.

—

F/N was sitting in the car, knees pulled up to her chest, as she mindlessly played with the car window. Pushing it up and down and up again. 

They were in the middle of nowhere and she wondered who even built this church in the first place, there was nothing around it for miles and miles. Yet, she felt weirdly happy and excited, yet any moment she wasn't thinking about the present she was thinking about the past and future and the thought alone made a pit open up in her stomach. She felt like throwing up. 

—

An hour or two passed. She couldn't quite tell. Her phone had run out of battery a while ago. Too caught up in the moment to even care. 

A knock at the window pulled her from her thoughts. It was Laura, a crooked flower crown that looked dangerously close to falling apart adorned her dark head of hair. “You look pretty.”, F/N hummed, an automatic smile springing to her chapped lips. Laura nodded: “Logan made a crown for you too…” It was then that F/N noticed the second crown clutched in Laura's hands, made of the same flowers as hers. Maybe it wasn't exactly the prettiest, but it was the thought that counted. And that alone made F/N's heart swell with love. 

Laura grabbed F/N's hand, pulling her out of the car. “Down.”, She ordered, voice commanding and so much like Logan's. F/N kneeled down so that she could place the flowers on her head. 

Laura's hand found its way back into F/N's, pulling her along to the entrance of the chapel. She pushed the old doors open with ease, the wood creaked at the sudden movement. “Come in.” Laura said.

When F/N stepped inside, her eyes immediately fell on Logan in the front right before the altar. A single red flower in his unruly greying hair. That was definitely Laura's idea and he looked almost cute. 

His eyes were filled with adoration as F/N walked down the aisle, holding Laura's hand in hers. She was a little unsteady on her feet, taking slow steps. 

It was far from perfect but it was them. 

She came to a halt in front of him, a soft tender tugged at his lips, the gentle glow of the setting sun drew soft shadows on his rugged face. “F/N.”, he murmured, voice just as soft as his eyes. “Logan.”, Her face mirrored his and his heart skipped a beat. She looked exhausted and yet she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his way too long life. 

He cleared his throat, not quite sure where to start now that she was standing in front of him. He felt stupid all of a sudden, what the hell was he doing? Was was he thinking???

“I uhm wanted to look up wedding vows but my phone's dead so…”, He paused. 

“He had to pull it out of his ass.”, Laura helpfully added, and F/N couldn't help but chuckle softly, the first chuckle since Charles had died, Logan noted. 

“So…uhm yeah I- we had to improvise and I don't have another ring so uhm just imagine the ring exchange part…”, He cleared his throat again. Logan wasn't one to easily become nervous but right now he definitely was. He also hadn't had a drink since morning so that was probably another reason. 

Laura nodded, she had put on her little sunglasses for this for whatever reason. “You wanna marry her?”, She asked curtly. And F/N couldn't help but think about how Laura probably had never heard of weddings before, let alone knew what the ceremony looked like. 

Logan nodded softly, “Yes, I want to.” His voice was rough yet filled with a tenderness that was reserved for F/N alone. 

Laura nodded, sunglasses bobbing on her nose. She turned to F/N: “You want to marry the old mean man?” It was clear that Laura wasn't exactly saying what she and Logan probably had discussed earlier, that she was going off script, but Logan didn't say anything, simply giving her a look.

F/N hummed and nodded, E/C eyes filled with a mixture of exhaustion and anticipation. “I want to.” Laura nodded reverently, as if she was taking this very seriously: “Kiss. Kiss. Bésalo ahora” she exclaimed and Logan and F/N didn't need to be told twice as they fell into each other's arms. 

Their lips connected in a short yet loving kiss. Logan cupped her face, stroking his rough thumb over her cheek. “My wife”, He murmured, eyes filled with hope that F/N had thought was long gone and buried. “My husband”, Her voice mirrored her exhausted face but her eyes were filled with adoration. 

Maybe things would be alright. Of course both of them knew that they weren't technically married. That it was all just a farce. They had made a silent agreement to simply let it be. Who had even made the rules about what was marriage. 

Till death do us part, F/N thought.

Hand in hand they walked out of the church, with Laura throwing scratchy flowers at their heads. F/N felt absolutely exhausted and in the back of her mind played the memory of Charles’ death in a dreadful loop and yet in this very moment she couldn't help but smile. A genuine smile, laced with sorry and loss but a smile nonetheless.

[princessfroslass]

Angel Dust has a clear validation problem.

I had been thinking about this ever since episode 2 and episode 6 all but segmented this onto my subconscious.

Angel clearly doesn't care whenever anyone slut shames or just overall insult him- he lives to get a rise out of people. Hell, Hazbin Hotel's VERY FIRST SCENE on the Pilot was him going full "oh yeah slut, very creative." And going after Travis life- but not on a insecure way, he very clearly didn't care. Fast forward to the actual show and it's more of the same- he doesn't care whenever Vaggie or Husk or anyone else threaten him because he enjoys the chaos and it's open about the fact he is only there to no pay rent. He just doesn't care about what others think of him.

Except.... When he does.

You see it's interesting because back on that origin comic (that I don't even know if it's canon anymore but for a characterization point I'll take it.) when Charlie states they need a quest and even pays him for his time (Angel was working on the street when they meet him) and she goes full "this is an investment, on you." He leaves the limo all "oh...ok....sure...." Clearly moved or touched by her faith in him, even though he still thinks it's misguided trust.

Back to episode 2, it's pretty much the anthesis of this. For once, someone else seems interested on changing his ways and THAT obviously excites Charlie, who referred to Sir Pen as "the hotel's first real quest" now to be fair with her, Angel is very vocal about how he thinks the Hotel is BS and hadn't show any intention to change his ways soon- but y'know that still must stings like it hasn't even been a week and this girl that is all sunshine and rainbows already gave up on him lmao but it gets even worse- on the roleplay thing, look at the fucking role he is giving- A CRACKHEAD- like he had to pause before saying that shit- and to rub salt on the wound, Sor Pen performance ends with the "no sex before marriage!" Line. Like out of all sins one could commit- you pick Addiction to Drugs (more specifically CRACK) and Sex. Yo girl what the fuck- and ofc, only Sir Pen gets congratulated, because Angel was critical of the whole thing and the former was full on enthusiastic about it- the last shot before the bedroom scene we get us Angel staring at Charlie validating Sir Pen's efforts and how he is going to be redeemed so fast before Angel sadly goes upstairs.

Now the room scene..... Yikes. The fact that the roleplay was all and on about the drugs thing and how the last voicemail/Angel's imagination? Things we heard it's "Addict trash like you doesn't change"... Hahaha all the yikes with that fucking roleplay. So yeah it's very fucking clear from the get go Angel has....issues. Hell even after "It starts with Sorry" when everyone goes back to sleep he doesn't looks happy, just resigned lmao

(Which it's funny because on the very next episode he saves Sir Pen from the war thing going down but I digress)

Now episode 4- oh MAN where do I even start. Now remember how in the first paragraph I mentioned how Angel disses Travis but like, in a confident way? Not on the way someone affected would react? Well this ep is everything but that lmao "I don't give a shit about what a drunk ass bartender thinks of me" reeks of insecurity by the tone alone I am sorry. Notice how he looks very taken aback when Husk calls his act out before he doubles down and goes full "I am actor dumbass" bit. Man's defenses were penetrated in a way it hasn't before and he needed a moment to put more bs out of his ass because God forbid someone in this Hotel knows how horrible his life is and how much he hates himself- and then his advances were thoroughly rejected for good ("It's never gonna work on me") and he absolutely losses it. Not being able to compute that someone that clearly stared at him long enough to read him, doesn't want to fuck him. Disgusts from people that barely knows him he can take- being told to his face it's not working, he can't. And it's not even because he particularly want to fuck anyone there- that is how he sees his own worth. He makes Val money, everyone around wants to take him, his services are apparently FAR from cheap ("you know how much I am WORTH?!") and he had based his whole self worth around it- no matter how many times he gets taken advantage of on a random club on 3am or if is his own fucking abuser (he literally only opened Val's voicemails after the whole ep2 fiasco) people either despises him because of his overt sexuality or want to use him for it (there is also the middle road where his worse habits are enabled and that makes him 'fun' company- but I'll be there in a min) there just can't be a reality where he is told to his face that he is destroying himself and any connection he can have WITHOUT the alterior motive of wanting to fuck him- right? I mean even Charlie's hope on him was proven to be limited, so why bother?

Enter Loser, Baby.

And yes, my beloved Huskerdust atem- you see there is something fucked up about it. Angel only joins in to sing as well after he goes full "I am a hoe that likes drugs tehee" but unlike always, he is...not proud of it. He only sings about it because Husk sang how "it's ok to be a-" like expecting a negative, and it's ONLY when Husk completes it with a "Baby that is fine by me" does Angel truly smiles. He just had a whole breakdown, he doesn't has the energy to put his facade and his "I don't care what you think" actitude. But because Husk validates that he is able to follow along.

There is also the "This guy it's not that bad" part. Angel softened up at that because, again, Husk validated him- the real him. He saw through his facade and embraced it.

In episode 5 there is this little scene where Charlie is talking to her father over the phone and everyone else is silently supporting her from behind. And Angel, the ever realist- is just....grimacing through the whole thing lmao but to his credit seemed to support her regardless- but what cought my eye through the whole thing is that when Charlie goes full "Dad, this is important to me!" The camera focus on Angel a bit....touched? See the scene you'll get what I mean.

Then episode 6 came along. Cherrie comes along, and her and Husk play devil and angel on Anthony's shoulder the whole night. But there is something interesting about this- Angel never.... really stops Cherrie, nor explain why he would avoid drugs- Husk does. He ONLY explains himself when Cherrie confronted him about being so protective of Nifty. When Cherrie offer him the pills he doesn't goes full "I am sober now" cut and dry, instead he goes full "er....I dunno, I am tired. Maybe another time?" after Husk does the whole "I thought you were better than that" bit. Cherrie enables Angel- she clearly CARES about him, there is not doubt about that- but Hell is made with good intentions, validating his excesses and taking an active part on it is how they bond- and how his relationship with her makes him feel a bit better about himself, even when at the end of day it all comes crashing down (hello end of Addicted) and what is the first THING he smiles at after his confrontation with Valentino? "You did good, kid".

Ao in synthesis, Angel craves for validation in all and any way he can get it- regardless of how good the intentions of those giving it are. It either can be an validitation of his usual behavior (Cherrie) an validation of him wanting to better himself (Charlie, Husk) or just.... validation of his body as a whole (those weird sharks he ran to at ep4) it really depends of how much his mental state is on the gutter that day.

And then there is Valentino.

It's clear Angel's self Worth issues are not much better thanks to the way he is treated in and out of the studio- but, and knowing his familial relationship, it's doubtful they CAME from there, and it was an unfortunate result of it.

Valentino and the Vees pray on the vulnerable- that was DIRECTLY stated at ep2, and what is more vulnerable that a drug addict whose own family rejected? Sure Angel had been on Hell for a WHILE but his foundation was already shaky to begin with, he is street smart and posseses more common sense that some of his peers (literally the only one that stated they SHOULDN'T bring every psycho that tries to kill them to the Hotel lmao) but this need for Validation running deep on his core makes him the ideal pray for any asshole that is willing to drop a few "oh you are so pretty 💜"s his way until it's too late. How tragic would it be- to have the first person that validated him in a WHILE be the one that hurt him the most.

[dethronetheveil]

Bet on Me- Chapter One

Synopsis- When Freya’s band gets invited to be an opener on Bad Omens’s EU tour, she is both thrilled and extremely nervous. Meanwhile, the boys in Bad Omens decide to have some fun, specifically involving Freya and Folio. Some bets are involved and some group conspiring. What will come of Freya’s time with Folio and the boys?

Characters: OC [Freya] x Folio

Word Count: 2k

Tag List: @foliosgirl , @dsireland86 , @lma1986 [let me know if you’d like to be tagged in the next part!]

Trigger Warnings: Cursing, Allusion to sex, Reference to addiction [let me know if I missed anything]

— —

The sound of Freya’s boots clomping against the linoleum floor reverberated off of the walls as she walked towards the designated meeting room for the bands. It was two days before the tour officially started and it was kicking off in Berlin. Everyone had flown in the day before, and this was about to be the first time the bands met each other. Luckily, the Bad Omens boys were keeping it small with just Freya’s band and theirs.

The bands decided to meet in the catacombs of the venue they would be playing at in a couple of days. Freya wished she had met up with the other girls, or at least had been on time because it was like a maze that she couldn’t get through. She had a tendency to be late to things, and this was no exception. Her lateness always caught up to her, and this was a prime example. She continued to walk in circles, checking her phone every so often to make sure she remembered the room number. Was she on the wrong floor?

After what felt like hours, Freya finally reached the door— which she swore she had passed several times during this endeavor— with a sign that just listed the band names, ‘Bad Omens and Blood Red Kiss: Meeting.” Freya nodded to herself, took a breath and pushed open the door. The moment she stepped inside the room, she watched as everyone’s eyes darted up to her. The rest of the room looked decently empty, besides the chairs set up in a circle, like some sort of weird AA meeting. Freya just gave a curt smile and walked to the empty chair next to G with her head down. She sat and slumped down in the chair, taking a sip of her coffee, which was the reason she was late.

“Sorry everyone. Needed a pick me up,” she retorted as she lifted her coffee cup up and brought it back to her lips.

“All good. We’re just glad you’re here. Now we can start,” replied one of the guys sitting across from her. He was dressed in a black hoodie that must have been their merch and black shorts. From what Freya knew about ‘Bad Omens’, she guessed this must have been the lead singer, Noah. Freya decided to study the other members of the band, since they were here to meet each other.

Sitting next to Noah was a guy with black hair pulled back in a bun. The thing that stood out most about him to Freya was his soft eyes– she was immediately transfixed. In order to avoid making eye contact with him, she moved on to the guy sitting next to him. This guy seemed taller than the others, but maybe he was just lanky. It was hard to tell when everyone was sitting down. He had long hair that cascaded his face, and Freya noticed his knuckle tattoos. Hard core. Finally, Freya’s eyes moved to the last guy. This guy had shorter dark hair and she noticed a lack of visible tattoos, but he was wearing a sweatshirt, so maybe they were just well hidden. There was something about this guy that she couldn’t quite put her finger on, but she was definitely intrigued.

Freya was immediately shaken from her trance when this mystery guy turned his head to look at her and she subsequently felt an elbow slam into her rib cage. She turned to where the elbow came from and saw G staring at her, trying her best not to laugh.

“Why’d you do that?”

“Because, stupid, we’re introducing ourselves and it’s your turn,” G responded with a shake of her head.

Freya cleared her throat and couldn’t help but blush. Great first impression, now everyone probably thought she was an idiot. “Um, I’m Freya, I uh, play guitar, and I’m excited to be here.”

She could hear snorts and giggles coming from her friends on her side of the room and the guys just stared at her blankly. “Wow, Frey, you really sold that,” she could hear Soph teasing from her seat. At this point, Freya just wanted to sink into her chair and disappear forever. She did the sinking part and placed her free hand over her forehead and closed her eyes. It was too bloody early to have to interact with new people.

Freya picked her head up and opened her eyes when she heard one of the guys begin to speak. It was the mystery guy who Freya was so interested in. “Well, I guess I’ll go now. I’m Nick, but everyone calls me Folio. I’m the drummer for these guys and we’re fucking pumped to be here.”

Freya couldn’t help but roll her eyes a bit. He had too much spunk for 9:00am. She put her head back down and listened to the rest of the guys with her eyes closed. Her fingers found the ends of her hair, as she absentmindedly began to pick at her split ends, dropping golden wisps of hair to the floor. Freya found that she had the inability to sit still, especially when the focus wasn’t on her. Was that self-obsessed? Maybe, but it mostly just felt like circumstantial boredom.

A sigh escaped her lips as she shifted in her seat. She decided to tune back in and learned that the guy next to Folio was named Jolly, or at least that is what he said his name was. There was no way that wasn’t a nickname. The soft eyed guy was named Nick– that explains why other Nick goes by Folio. And then of course there was Noah.

Once everyone was done being introduced, Noah started talking about the nitty gritty details of the tour. He went over all of the locations, all of the dates and times. Finally, he told the group that since they were a team on this tour, that if anyone was sick, someone from the other band could fill in, unless it was him or Soph.

At this, Freya lifted her head and let her words fly, “So, you’re saying we’ve got to learn your songs on top of ours now, too?”

She felt that not-so-comforting elbow to the rib cage once again from G, and she immediately turned towards her, “What, G? That just seems like a lot.”

There was an obvious shift in the room, and Freya felt all eyes on her. God, why did she have to say everything that came to her mind? She had been like that since she was a child. She thought of one specific time in school when a girl in her class called Freya a freak, and Freya decided to mention the fact that this girl’s dad left the family. For the rest of the year, no one would talk to her because they all came to the conclusion that Freya had a big mouth.

“Well, if you think about it, we have to learn all your songs, too,” Freya heard Folio say on her other side.

“Yea, but-”

Freya was cut off by Folio continuing his last sentence, “And we have listened to you guys’ music already. Have you listened to ours?”

Freya crossed her arms over her chest, “Yes, I have listened to your music, but I am just saying it would have been nice to know I needed to learn more songs earlier than two days before the tour starts. All I’m saying…” she finished and put her hands up in surrender.

“You’re right, and I’m sorry we didn’t warn you beforehand, but hopefully that doesn’t have to happen,” Noah responded, taking back the conversation.

Freya almost said more, but she knew it would be pointless. She looked back over to Folio and he was already looking back at her with a grin on his face. Freya had never been someone who was particularly good at controlling her facial expressions, so she returned his grin with a snarl. This made Folio’s face immediately drop.

Freya could barely concentrate on the rest of the conversation, but once she saw Noah shift in his chair, motioning towards standing up, she was the first one to pop up. She followed suit as everyone else folded their chairs up and put them against the wall. She grabbed her empty coffee cup and tossed it in the trash. While she was at the garbage bin, she could feel someone behind her. She turned to see Nick with the soft eyes smiling.

“Uh, hi,” Freya forced out.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to spook you. I just wanted to let you know that since we play the same instrument and everything, that if you needed any help, I’d be happy to.”

Freya once again crossed her hands over her chest, “Ah, thanks, but I think I’ll be alright.” Did he really think she needed help? Was this because she said something? This is yet another reason why she needed to learn how to filter herself. She could tell by Nick’s fidgeting that this wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

Nick continued playing with a strand of his hair, “Oh uh, I wasn’t trying to offend you or anything-”

Freya chuckled, “No no, I’m not offended. Just not particularly interested in help.”

Nick dropped his hands, “Okay, well, the offer still stands if you DO want to take it.”

Freya just nodded and smiled, and luckily Nick was smart enough to catch on. He awkwardly turned and walked back to the group of guys, no doubt talking about how off putting Freya just was. She got that complaint a lot, especially from men, but she couldn’t help it. It came out naturally. She had been exposed to too many shitty or just plain rude guys that she completely put her walls up. In all honesty, help with the guitar parts would have been super helpful, but Freya had a special way of fucking things up for herself.

A couple seconds later, she was shaken out of her pity party when Soph came up and placed a hand on her shoulder, “Hi friend, rough night?”

Freya chuckled, “Not even. Just don’t like meeting new people at 9:00am.”

“I completely agree with you,” Sophia responded as the rest of the girls gathered around the two of them, “What do you say we go grab something to eat? Would that make up for all this socializing, Frey?”

Freya rolled her eyes at Sophia but couldn’t help but smile. Soph always knew how to make Freya smile; she did since they were kids, “Yea, yea, I guess so. Are we done with all this?”

“Yep, at least that’s what Noah said,” G responded and all the girls looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, Noah said?” Sophia asked teasingly in a hushed voice and this sent the whole group of girls laughing. Freya knew the boys were probably staring at them, but at this point she didn’t care. She just wanted to have fun with her mates in Europe and play kick ass music. That’s what she needed to focus on.

Luna pushed open the door and the rest of the girls followed. Once the door was closed, Luna finally said something, “So, who does everyone want to fuck?”

This sent the lot roaring all over again, “Luna!” Sophia shouted through laughter, “But, in all seriousness, Noah.”

“Me too!” G shouted as the group made their way down the hallway. Freya just hoped the boys couldn’t hear.

Freya was still laughing as G shoved her with her shoulder, “What was going on with you and Nick. Like Nick Nick, not the other one.”

Freya looked at G inquisitively, “What do you mean,” she asked as the girls made it out of the building.

“I mean… that moment over by the trash can.”

“Oh, that? He was just trying to see if I needed help with the guitar parts. I said no.”

“Oh, come on Freya, lighten up. Let the boy help you with your guitar,” G added with a wink.

“Oh my God, G. I am not trying to fuck any of them!”

“Okay, whatever you say,” Soph chimed in.

“Not you too, Soph.”

From the other end of the sidewalk, Freya heard Luna clear her throat, “Um hello, no one asked me who I wanted to fuck.”

Sophia chuckled, “Okay, who do you want to fuck, Luna?”

“Jolly.”

All the girls started laughing again, “I could see it,” G commented as the girls started walking down the street to find some food.

[dhr-ao3]

Because It Was You

Because It Was You https://ift.tt/zD2ochp by dearest_writer Hermione fell in love once. And then, this person took everything from her before betraying her in the worst possible way. It was to be expected after all, as this person was Draco Malfoy. But three years have passed since then, and the war has finally come to an end. Here she is now, expected to return to the newly reopened Hogwarts to finally obtain her NEWT, even though she hasn’t been able to perform magic for months, nor read a single textbook’s page. The mind healer says she’s haunted by the war. Hermione, for her part, thinks it has more to do with the fact that Harry— No. She can’t bear to speak about that. She can’t— Oh, how could she forget? She also happens to be engaged to her idiotic, drug addict, redheaded best friend. And as if all that wasn't enough already, she now has to share a common room with all the other 8th Year students, thanks to McGonagall's brilliant new idea. So really, how is she supposed to survive this last year, especially with those icy eyes constantly fixed on her? And why does she feel like she never belongs anywhere? Only that enigmatic Slytherin, Theodore Nott, seems to truly understand her… Words: 1630, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage Sex Categories: F/M Characters: Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Astoria Greengrass, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Parvati Patil, Padma Patil, Lavender Brown Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger/Theodore Nott, Draco Malfoy/Theodore Nott Additional Tags: POV Multiple, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts Eighth Year Common Room, the plot is traumatised teenagers forced to live together, Forced Proximity, Gryffindor/Slytherin Inter-House Relationships, Slytherins Redemption, Found Family, Magical Drugs, Substance Abuse, Parties, Horny Teenagers, Teenage Drama, First Love, First Time, Love Triangle, come for Draco stay for Theo, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Late Night Conversations, Drunken Confessions, Sleepovers, Muggle Clubbing, Quidditch Nights, Virgin Hermione Granger, Virgin Draco Malfoy, Coming of Age, Coming Out, Friendship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Harry Potter is Dead, Grief/Mourning, Eating Disorders, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Everyone Needs A Hug, poc characters, Cultural References, Wizarding Traditions (Harry Potter), Black Hermione Granger, down bad draco malfoy, Chaotic Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini Speaks Italian, Neville Longbottom is Hot, Hermione Granger & Pansy Parkinson Friendship, BAMF Ginny Weasley, therapy is expensive writing is free, the tags are a mess just like my characters sorry via AO3 works tagged 'Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy' https://ift.tt/UfhbecX December 05, 2024 at 07:43PM

[kmze]

Thoughts on 6x01 - 6x11 THE BEST! Full disclosure this is my favorite season and rewatching it I remembered why because the show is just flowing like it rarely did the past few seasons and it's because the show went back to simple mythology and character moments. The prison world is new but not outlandish and the show takes it time explaining it so you get it. Tripp and his vampire hunter crew is something done a lot before but the twist of using the anti-magic border was a fresh take. The Gemini coven is great too because we were gradually introduced to the characters and the mythology so it's easy to follow. Everything just clicks! Bamon and Steroline are both awesome dynamics getting tons of focus and I don't even hate DE! The season definitely moves slower than ones in the past but IMO that is a good thing. There's so much care given to character moments and I really enjoyed a lot of the dialogue for everyone, to me this is TVD at it's peak, it worked for the same reasons S2 did. All my gushing below!

6x01

That guy was like “I have seen what they do to black characters on this show absolutely not you go check” lol.

Liv is the best, forever mad she died she would have loved her niece Lizzie. LivTyler (yes I know it’s commonly referred to as Parkwood but I do what I want) was such a cute ship they were like early Forwood if Caroline was cynical.

Elena being a drug addict to see Damon was a choice…

Caroline gets intense reactions out of Stefan too as seen here. Sorry not sorry but if you can’t see him breaking his phone from gripping it just by seeing her name didn’t mean she affected him the most I can’t help you. He could take Ric and Elena’s call because he knew he could fool them, but Caroline he can’t, not even over the phone.

Oh suddenly Elena hates being a vampire again RME. Gee I wonder if this is for plot reasons since they knew Nina was leaving (or at least knew it was a possibility) and they wanted her to end her story human.

Bamoncakes!

6x02

Um I’m pretty sure it is Matt’s house since his name is on the deed if we want to get specific here Jeremy.

Stefan has zero tact with Ivy LMFAO like why are you in my house unless we’re having sex. Truly such a jerk.

The Bamon 1994 Prison World plot was SUCH A GOOD IDEA! Rewatching you definitely feel how repetitive stuff gets and it felt like the world building became too extreme but this was so different. They went a simpler way to do a mystery plot and I actually think it helped the show have one of its best seasons ever (personally my favorite). Also the fact that they put two characters together who always had an air of animosity between them but also kind of an understanding and let that chemistry do its thang! It’s just so good!

Someone should tell Damon and Bonnie you’re not supposed to look directly at the sun during a solar eclipse.

The awkward dinner party is cracking me up! Between Enzo going out of his way to make Stefan uncomfortable and the passive aggressiveness between Stefan and Caroline, to Ivy’s complete confusion I don’t know what makes me laugh more.

You tell him Carebear!

That damn necklace lol it just keeps coming back! I’m not as annoyed about them saying Elena fell in love with Damon in 3x01 like I used to be anymore. I think because I don’t really and truly don't care about the triangle AT ALL (and I don't have to knowing the ending)! Elena is so wishy washy it makes sense, like yep she loved them both at the same time.

6x03

I know this is unpopular but I genuinely love when Stefan is just a dick LMFAO! So much of Stefan in the earlier seasons was like romantic compassionate facade, but like deep down he’s kind of a jerk! And he loves having vampire powers as you can see here, he's just a weirdo masochist and wouldn't allow himself to use them as punishment for giving up on Damon.

Oh they baited SE big time with that scene in the hallway!

I do enjoy watching Stefan and Caroline become more and more uncomfortable about Elena’s voluntary brain damage. "It's important that we let Elena live her new, happy, problem ignoring, zombie life the way she wants" LMFAO

Caroline I love you to death but sorry girl, lying is not a new thing for Stefan! Being a liar is completely on brand for him.

CRYING at Tyler walking away as soon as he saw Caroline was ready to fight Elena. He was like nope I know that condescending judgmental tone very well, deuces!

HIYA KAI! FINALLY a good villain again!

Did Liam just insinuate that Elena’s type is red flags because CTFU! Liam you were great I’m glad you survived.

The scene where Bonnie gets her magic back to save Damon from Kai is so (!!!!) what a moment!

I love how Stefan just spills his guts to Caroline about all his bullshit coping methods as soon as she corners him. Yeah he walks away (and I know antis love using it in their gifsets) but the whole scene you see how hard it is for him to look her in the eye. Also definitely felt some jealousy from Elena watching it all unfold, which girl take a seat!

6x04

Why is Kai eating jelly with his hand!?!

I’m sorry but Stefan had the WEIRDEST SYSTEMS EVER!! Two on full display here with his constant desire to push his animal diet on others who aren’t bloodoholics, and getting health insurance (???) to start over. Stefan being like you can be anyone you want because this lunatic just loves pretending to be a different person every few decades. He’s just so insane, I become more and more aware of it as the show goes on.

The fake Stelena proposal is so hilarious I love how they keep upping each other in soap opera drama.

*heavy sigh* I'm not sure if they cast Monique before they cast Gail so they had to cast a black woman since Monique is biracial and we know Zach was white but it's like again AGAIN the black woman dies a painful death.

Bonnie and Kai have really good chemistry I’M JUST SAYING!

Damon murdering a pregnant woman was definitely the worst thing he ever did. I do love the shots in this scene with Bonnie eating pancakes look at Damon telling him there’s hope for him. The writers are really feeling this story.

Kinda feel like Stefan only agreed to show Elena his “moving on system” because she had brain damage and he figured he could trick her. Almost got away with it too!

6x05

Man the little look between Stefan and Caroline when he’s like “you’ll never have to deal with me again” “is that what you think I want” gets me every-time! Such a subtle moment.

HA! Alaric’s story throwing shade at Elena was funny!

Caroline how did you fall for that!

CTFU at Damon yelling “BONNIE” after she murders Kai and taps her on the shoulder. Like dammit what did you do but also it’s okay please don’t hurt me.

You go Caroline invoking the D-word to get Stefan to pull his head out of his ass. Love when she says "who are you right now?!" you done fucked up Stefan! This meta explains it well.

Liv killing that guy to save Tyler from triggering his werewolf curse was a great scene.

Elena amazed at modern medicine is so hilarious WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER! You mean people can be healed without vampire blood? This is brand new information!

And look at that! Stefan finally admitted he’s not handling anything well after he made Caroline give up on him.

6x06

The Dalaric scene is funny, I enjoyed that.

Jo and Elena’s friendship was cute. Really wish Jo had lived she was such a nice addition to the show. Just a great character all around.

Stripping a vampire of their magic with the border makes a hell of a lot more sense than the cure ever did!

I’m over everyone apologizing to Elena because she chose to compel away her memories of Damon. Play stupid games win stupid prizes!

I love how Stefan jolts out of his seat when he sees Caroline! Kinda like when he got down on one knee to propose before she even turned around lol. The shot of Stefan dejected and lowering his head in front of the lamp store is gorgeous.

6x07

Caroline is so excited to get to be anti-Delena again! Like finally Elena is on her side!

The way Caroline says “good bye” trying to close the door on Stefan cracks me up. He even tried using his old tricks of “I’m here to protect” you and Caro told him to kick rocks! What's wrong Stefan never had to actually work for forgiveness before huh?

Great job so far this season mixing up the “special events contrived to get a bunch of characters together” formula. They’ve used new locations and since they can’t enter MF it’s not all the characters in one spot so feels less contrived.

If Stefan didn’t have feelings for Caroline’s he had every opportunity to STFU after she told him to. But he didn’t he kept pushing.

The Bonkai scenes are straight from a horror movie and I have to say bravo they are so unsettling to watch.

Enzo does have a flair for the dramatic surprise death.

Caroline's speech is my favorite speech ever on this show because I just love how vulnerable yet strong she is in her opinion, which is so rare for women on this show. I have no time for the criticism of it either and how it's "regression" kindly eat a dick. This is a HUGE moment for Caroline because she's saying I don't care about being THE ONE, I've been the one (with Tyler) and now I want THE ONE for me. Caroline being in love with Stefan more than any of her other love interests has nothing to do with him putting her first or him being the one who treats her the best it's about the fact that she wants him because he makes her feel THE MOST! And that's what her list was about, she says yeah I thought you were worth having a thing for how could I not?! Because during her darkest time he told her she’d get through it and protect her and he did, and it’s why should couldn’t imagine Elena would let someone like him go. And while she's so confident in her feelings she's also not going to sit there and not get the respect that she deserves. Caroline is very aware of Stefan's bullshit (they are best friends) and he needs to earn back her trust if he wants it, but she's fine either way. And you notice that when Stefan uses manipulation to see her (asking her Mom for help, saying he's there to protect her) she give him shit, but when he's honest with her (that he pushed her away the most) she starts to thaw. I mean this is SUCH a drastic change from S3 when he terrorized Elena for half a season and then got sad over her kissing Damon and she just like got over it. Fuck around and find out Stefan! Love Caroline’s styling here, it’s the same colors she wore in 6x03 but now she’s more covered up, because she’s put a wall up to protect herself (just like the song lyrics). WHAT A MOMENT!

Damon and Elena don’t even bother me this season. They’re just kinda there but they don’t interfere with stuff I like and Damon isn’t the worst person in the world.

Damon finding Ms Cuddles!! So many great scenes this season.

6x08

The flashbacks to Kai murdering his family is another instance of fantastic horror aesthetic used this season, feels like I'm watching a slasher film

Bonnie’s poor wig!

Caroline’s styling has been absolutely amazing so far! Her hair is always gorgeously curled and I really like her eye makeup.

Stefan’s face when he finds out Damon was invited to Friendsgiving and he wasn’t ASCSGGXHVFJFJK!

Damon’s pure joy at mocking Stefan for not realizing Caroline had feelings for him is such good brotherly teasing. And Stefan keeps getting more and more bitter, I don’t get how people can’t tell he’s all sensitive because he’s afraid he lost Caroline forever. He kicked a fucking teddy bear people!

OMG THEY TOTALLY FORGOT A MUNDANE WAS IN THE ROOM!

This LivTyler scene is so cute it reminds me of the S2 Forwood scene, I definitely think it was meant as a parallel. I know people always think that’s a bad thing and they’re ripping off scenes but I’ve come to see it as more of an homage in certain circumstances, this would be one of them.

The way things are shot this season is so nice, more than any other season I feel like I’m getting scene after scene with moody lighting, great music and closeups. The leftovers scene is like this, the lighting is great and there’s that one nice scenery shot of them standing in the hallway. There’s a lot of care put into the scene like Stefan keeps moving closer and looking her in the eyes when he tells Caroline he pushed her away the most, which is the opposite of earlier when he kept moving away and not looking at her. The moment where he opens his mouth in awe and become speechless is great too really sells that epiphany moment of oh yeah I do have feelings for her.

6x09

Serious question are Damon and Stefan homeless right now? I have not seen them in an actual apartment

I mean you kind of did complain when he ruined it Damon but I approve of you constantly giving him shit about it.

I do not think Tyler would oppose saving Bonnie like he did to protect Liv. Especially because Liv wanted to do it she wasn’t doing it via duress.

YES Elena tried to make it about herself and Damon was like, don’t care let’s go save Bonnie.

I love the sassy way Stefan opens the diner door.

Enzo has killed two women of color this season for truly NO REASON besides being mad at Stefan and I'm just like... this is really the best we could do for Bonnie's true love?

Why don’t they met Bonnie halfway?!

I really hate that they made Bonnie stay stuck in the prison world until friggin episode 15. She should have gotten out now her friends should have actually saved her for once.

6x10

Stefan with the Christmas light LMFAO like a puppy!

Matt keeps saying Enzo’s gonna be dead and listen show stop threatening me with a good time if you won’t deliver it!

We might have been able to know if vampire blood could cure cancer if someone didn’t BURN ALL THEIR DAD’S RESEARCH on it for no fucking reason!

The snowglobe! Love how this became one of their "things" because both of them ended up being people who no matter where they went Mystic Falls was home and they always found their way back there. They always find their way back "home" (each other).

I hate sad Christmas Bonnie but the shot of her at the Christmas tree in 1994 intersped with Jeremy at the Christmas tree in the present is very nicely shot and sweet.

I think JP made a point to fix DE this season after Dries dragged them through the filth last season. The fact that Damon walked away from Elena and didn’t lash out felt specifically like they were righting that from last season. This is probably my favorite Damon season and while I’m 100% in the Bamon camp (and I’d argue Bonnie is the one who actually got through to him on changing) he is being very sweet with Elena and I swear I’m not being condescending.

6x11

OMG that is some next level foreshadowing with Damon saying he let Ric turn his house into Hogwarts!

Finally Elena using her vampire powers to defend herself!

I really love that Luke keeps taking Liv away from Damon & Co. because he is not here for her being their new go-to witch for all their problems. Stand your ground Luke!

Of course Caroline conducts her experiment on a black guy since he’s going to die a painful death.

The Delena scene where she jokes with him about dying (like her weirdo ex lol) is really funny and cute but it’s also so beautifully shot! Paul did a really great job with this episode but that scene in particular was just really stunning.

PORCH SCENE FINALLY ITS BEEN SO LONG

I cannot with the way Stefan takes Caroline’s hand and she gasps and looks at him like he’s a fucking Disney Prince! She’s so so so in love with him!

Lines that made me laugh

Damon: Sorry I killed Bonnie. But she was the most annoying person in the world. She wouldn't shut up. She just kept talking. (so funny but even Bonnie knows that's not true you luff her!)

Kai: 555-HIYA-KAI No way I'm giving those digits up (LMFAO I agree Kai as someone old enough to remember pagers)

Matt: I’m sorry I was confused about which vampires we like and which ones we don’t ASXSDGXDHGCB (HE'S GOT A POINT!)

[mymistakewriting]

i personally agree and relate so much with buck’s adhd + anxiety specifically so i was just wondering if you could go more in depth with those headcanons? adhd buck is so important to me and reading about it and talking gives ME dopamine lol. oooh and the volume control like getting called out on it would so trigger his RSD! and everyone LOVES going to trivia with him for sure hahah sorry this kind of turned into my headcanons but yeah what do you think??!

I'll answer that second ask you sent in separately because Oh Boy do I have some Opinions to share on all of it.

I absolutely adore getting to just sit down and scream about characters and their habits and their mental health and how it all ties together. And Buck has given me PLENTY to work with since I started the show. But specifically focusing in on his ADHD & anxiety & RSD?

Not only does he hyperfixate on random stuff that has no use he CANONICALLY does research on natural disasters after he's lived through them - he did so with the tsunami, he did so with the earthquakes. He even canonically references researching volcanos after the wildfire crossover with Lone Star where he made the trip to Austin to help. This man is a walking encyclopedia of information on natural disasters and traumas. But it's very much a coping mechanism. It's a "I survived this and I have no clue how or why, so I have to understand what the odds were and I need to be able to be prepared and help others better if I ever live through another one of these". It's a "if I understand this and why it happens and how best to survive it, then it holds no power over me". It's a "I can't be scared of this so I have to understand it instead." It's the kind of coping mechanism that I've only ever seen in people who have ADHD or autism - statistics over fear, because fear can only cause harm ESPECIALLY as a first responder. Fear can come later, accept he tries not to ever let it because that makes him weak in his eyes.

The anxiety definitely stims from childhood trauma - look at his parents and Maddie and tell me that their behaviors weren't the root cause of so many of Buck's bad habits and I'll call you a liar. His parents are the reason he's so reckless. His parents AND Maddie are the reason Buck 1.0 was clinging so tightly to the label of sex addict because it was hard for him to admit that he didn't feel good enough after being left behind by everyone he'd ever had in his entire life. And don't take this as me talking poorly on Maddie, but she's also the reason why Buck latched on so tightly to Abby. And Ali. And Taylor. And the 118 crew. She left when he was a teenager, left him with parents that they both knew were awful, and he kind of internalized it and now a few years down the line it's crippling anxiety and abandonment issues and he doesn't have an outlet for any of that. And I could go on for hours about how his childhood contributed to him being semi-verbal at best, and about how much of how he defines himself ties into how he was defined as a kid, but that'll have to be a whole other post because there are so many intricacies to it that it deserves it's own thing.

His RSD. Oh I love the portrayal they give for his RSD. Because it's not just canceled plans and being overlooked that send him spiraling like so many people assume when they hear the phrase. It's someone's tone changing or someone pulling away too soon when he gets comfortable showing affection. It's how he held on so tight until he just couldn't anymore when Abby left because she said she'd come back and she's never lied to me before so she'll come back, everyone else is being dramatic. I just have to wait.

It's how well he just gave all of himself to Ali. She helped him find a place to live. Helped him furnish it in a way that is shockingly out of character for Buck - none of those decorations when he was with her felt like him in the slightest.

It was how he tried to twist and change himself and his relationships to make things with with Taylor. He didn't bring Eddie up to her often, didn't bring her up to Eddie unless he could avoid it, didn't talk about work, let her use his place and his information and his everything to do her job even though it got him questioned there at the end by the Department about who her sources were. And it's there in how hesitant he was to end things. How much he looked like he was fighting himself when he did end things.

His volume control is such a small thing that never gets called out in the fandom posts I do see - the 118 is wonderful at it once they know him, they know ways to point it out without sending him into a tailspin. It's always a gentle cup to the shoulder or elbow or a gentle nudge of shoulder to shoulder or a soft redirection that requires a softer voice somewhere else. It's never a "you're being too loud" or an annoyed glance from them.

From people they save, though? Buck stutters a lot more around people they work to save, he's always trying to be conscious of everything because he's gotten those looks or gotten those annoyed comments time and time and time again until it's become one of his biggest insecurities.

He gives every bit of himself to everything he does, and it definitely makes his RSD worse when that just isn't enough.

[alex-wizard-413]

I had my creator record some of my quotes so:

Alex The Autistic Magician Out Of Context

Why are thees jelly eels... made into jellied eels. That just. Jelly².

WHAT IN THE OLD ONES' HENTAI STASH IS THAT-

Look I know that this is a place of magic and wonder. But sometimes, you just *have* to pull out the AK47 with armor piercing ammo, ok?

You would think being a living foci of neurodivergence means that autism itself is an element (manifests the Alternate Elements) guess fucking what.

THIS ENTIRE PLACE HAS SHROOM CAMERAS HOW THE FUCK DO YOU *THINK* WE GOT YO ASS

Miss faye, with all due respect, my creator is about to turn that void dragon into a multiplayer sex toy. I dont think you can "stop him". Unless you can give him head scritches but eeeehhhhhh

ONE OF OUR BEST MAGICIANS IS BASICALLY THE DOCTOR FROM DR WHO AND SHE TOOK ONE OF THE SCARLET KINGS LIVES FOR A DUNMESHI REFERENCE AND HER RIVAL IS ONE OF THE TOP 5 STRONGEST SANSES. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT "POWERSCALING"

Sometimes i look out the periscope and i see couples walking in the forest... heartwarming isnt it?

Oh yeah we had drukhari once. Now comorragh is off limits from here. Oh well, deldar flesh is not a good Mutagolem material anyway

More than 65% of the people on wizard island island are gay and im the only Alex across the multiverse thats probably aroace. Or maybe i have yet to find The One. Or maybe i prefer Singleplayer Banging ifyouknowwhatimean but anyways- yes. This place *IS* pro-LGBTQ

Who the fUCK coded smite to do that???

Stop casting genital-manipulations spells. I get that JKR is a nazi terf, but you can use normal spells anyways

I just got my dick springlocked :D

(Singing "fireworks") cus baby youre a fii- NO NOT FIREBALL FIREWORK

The "413" in the blog stands for homestuck btw

Yes, the magical orbital laser is called "Project BLAHAJ". Before you ask, its my creators idea.

Oh come on half the island is convergono timelines anyway. Why do you think my boss blocking the gnome didnt Vanish him? cause his ass was NEVER HAPPENED here

You know that "wanting all the smoke" doesnt mean "marijuana and nicotine but mostly nicotine addiction" right? You called most of wizard island to break your spine instead of extorting everyone for smokable leaves. Prepare to die ig

As the ancients said, Outta Spells dont mean Outta Shells (pulls out trusty AK47)

This... is what happens when you ask an artificer to make a pancor jackhammer while using only zack hazard clips as context: you get a steampunk SPAS-12 made entirely out of brass

...the fuck is "Fae-blessed Iron". Like what.

The only thing drier than this desert dimension is my ASS

BURN BABY BYYYYYUUUUHHHRRRNNNNNHH-AH!- sorry i had to get that out of my system

YOU HAVENT KNOWN TRUE LONELINESS UNTIL YOU JACKED OFF WHILE CUDDLING THIRTY PLUHSIES AT ONCE.

WHATS A NĪNGĒN GOTTA DO TO GET SOME DRAGON MEAT-

Wait, dont tell me. I crashed out and reverted to elemental form. Shit.

Sometimes its funny responding "deez nuts" or "ligma balls" to someone even though theg were not going for that

What the fuck is a Sigma. Isnt that a math thing???

Dont go in the bathroom, my creator just got out and his piss is HELLA radioactive soooo

(Staring at a squirrel with the most squinted face ever) dont you dare plant your fucking nuts on my turf you fluffy nut planter.

Ah. Crumbling kingdoms. Quaint.

To be fair miss gobbo one time crahsed out so hard she connected to the Autism Hivemind and gained powers similar to those my boss has... so like. Yeah

(Mahoraga pose) I GOT @ AND I DONT GOT FEAR OF USING IT

Sometimes, you just need a lillllili l ileili lel lililililililoollileleieleiele (TF2 EXPLOSION)

[wordsfromthewick]

Sorry but I AM saying lOoKiNg at people have sex IS wrong in literally all the ways OP listed because it's been proven over and over again. The consent argument listed above is part of it (a big part of it nonetheless), but it DOES rot your brain, change your views, fuck up your relationships, makes you an addict, change your brain chemistry, and more.

This is the very first search result and has 55 references. There are more studies out there.

Now on the other hand, I've come across a LOT of articles trying to say that studies are inconclusive on this and evidence goes back and forth ECT. But we should easily be able to tell where one's best interest is in promoting porn: It's an extremely profitable industry. The effects of it are observable in our society as a whole, when the doctor in India was gang raped and murdered her name was trending across porn sites proving damn near every point on that page in one example alone, despite it being FAR from the only one.

However, let's pretend that everything about porn was fine for everyone to consume. It didn't negatively affect anything outside of it and was completely ethical any other perfect parameters you want to put on it, hell I'll even let you say it has some minor benefits yeah? The only catch is that 1 out of every 10 was non consensual filming, 1 out of every 100 was rape, 1 out of every 1000 was incest, 1 out of every 10000 was a hate crime. 1 out of 100000 was underage. You can't tell the difference.

1 video out of any number is too many to justify watching it for any reason.

Let's try again since radfems are stupid.

There is nothing about *looking* at sex that is any morally different to engaging in sex. Adding a camera does not affect morality either. It will not rot your brain or make you an addict or force you to change your views on sex or mess with your brain chemicals and bonds with people or any other bullshit that people come out with. Sex is ok to look at.

[apilgrimpassingby]

Sorry, People, More Drama

So, I have a lust problem. I have been open about this in the past. I don't bring it up often, but bring it up I do. It's relevant because, through it, I ended up noticing that someone's commented on the @atraditionalgent drama.

Oh, look, it's that borderline-sacrilegious capitalisation of male pronouns. And since this will be relevant later, yes, I did DM to ask why she did this. While I've deleted the conversation (having a close link to a blog I was tempted to, bluntly, masturbate to for the sexual content, was not a good idea) so I don't have the screenshots to verify it, she said that she, in her own words "couldn't imagine referring to [her husband] like other men". Well, now non-husbands are being referred to with capitalised pronouns. This woman (I'm not giving the URL here to avoid further drama but you can see it in the search bar) is a liar. That probably sounds overly harsh at this point, but it'll be borne out later.

Yes, I think it was wrong to not ask him for the reason behind this. I should have done that. But what's done is done. And in none of his replies did he ever admit to following explicit kink blogs with female inferiority content, let alone explain or apologise. His only response was slandering Branwen.

As for my part, I was rash and foolish, but I don't think cowardice was one of my problems.

And I will call out domestic discipline. It is kink in denial (or not so in denial) or domestic abuse or both; never anything else. I will call out people whose follows include degrading pornography. Yes, I have a problem with consuming this stuff (or what of it I can access while under eighteen). I alluded to it recently here. But I don't follow it and I try to quit it; taking morning walks to avoid it and daily reciting the first oikos of the Akathist to the Theotokos as a way of saying to myself "This is what women mean to God; this online s*** is lying to you to the detriment of everyone."

In terms of @atraditionalgent, there were a few things that are retroactively red flags in my interactions with him:

Calling @lillybethrose1986 an inspiration to young women through public ask; you (if you're not blocked by her as I am) can see it on her blog.

Over DM (again, deleted, so I can't share it with you) confessing to this problem and saying I shouldn't be looking at it because I'm under eighteen. Not because it's bad and degrading (and the examples I mentioned were most certainly demeaning of women; thankfully the main one is gone now) in and of itself.

Suggesting I should stop being Christian and find myself a religion that's less restrictive of sex.

Cyber-bullying? I think that's a little excessive. While, obviously, I cannot prove my motives, I had no intention of causing harm to him. I just published Branwen's DM comments. I assumed he wouldn't notice, because I'd mentioned it before and there'd been no response from him. My only desire was to give general principles to help distinguish true traditional men from porn-addicted misogynists.

The bit at the bottom is half true. As I mentioned before, yes, I did have a brief DM with her about her capitalisation of male pronouns. But I have never followed her blog or even looked at it all that often.

I think that's all I want to say. The people here I particularly respect and know - @a-gentleman-of-note, @branwenferchllyr and @cactusflowerfemme - answer me promptly and with utter honesty over DM; have I handled myself well on this issue, both generally and with this post?

[leiascully]

Fic:  Baseball Metaphors (10/?)

Part One  |  Part Two  |  Part Three |  Part Four |  Part Five |  Part 6 |  Part 7 |  Part 8 |  Part 9

Why if it isn’t my new friend, Colonel Angus.  We’re going to call this Mature/NSFW.

+ + + +

Scully will never believe that she's psychic, but Mulder isn't so sure, because after Thai food and two beers each, they end up at Ethan and Jenny's house, getting the official tour, ooh and ahhing about the various shades of beige that have been carefully selected to wring the maximum of sunlight out of the south-facing windows or something.  Mulder's never really cared much about houses.  Also, it's night.  The south-facing windows are illuminated by a streetlight, but nothing else.  Most of the rooms are empty, except for the nursery, which is a shade of yellow that's probably nice in the daylight, but just looks dingy at night.  There's a crib there and something that looks like a dresser but probably isn't.  He's learned that baby things are almost never what he thinks they are.  For example, there's a trash can that he quickly learns is some kind of state of the art diaper bin.  

"It's lovely," Scully says, leaning against him.  

"Cozy," Mulder adds.  That seems to be the right response.  Ethan and Jenny both beam.  

"Our little nugget is going to be so happy here," Jenny says.  She pats the quilt draped over the crib rail.  "He's going to grow up so big and strong."

"We just found out it's a boy," Ethan says proudly.  

"Congratulations," Mulder says.  "What are you going to name him?"

Jenny whiffs her hand at him playfully, like she would slap at him if she were close enough.  "We can't tell.  It's a tough world out there when it comes to baby names.  Competitive."

"Maybe that's why my parents went the route they did," Mulder jokes.  "Nobody else was going to poach 'Fox'."  

"Solid reasoning," Ethan says with a grin orthodontists must have loved.  

"You have to see the master bedroom," Jenny gushes.  "It has an en suite bathroom and it just gets the best light in the morning."

"Lead the way," Scully says.

The master bedroom is another masterpiece in beige.  Mulder pretends to care about crown molding, nodding as Ethan points at the various features.

"Can't you just imagine it?" Jenny says, cleary in raptures over the vision in her mind.  "The bed just here, and we inherited the nicest bedroom set from my grandmother.  The dresser here, the vanity there."  She gestures, boxing off space in the air with her hands, painting a picture in her own mind.

"It sounds perfect," Scully says.  

"Just wait until you two have a place of your own," Jenny says.  "You'll feel the same way."

"I'm sure," Scully says.

"It's too bad my lease isn't up for another six months," Mulder says, trying to fill his voice with regret.  "You know, the market just moves so fast.  There's not really any point in looking yet."

"I was going to tell you," Scully says to Jenny, "but, um, we were having so much fun discussing it."

"Aww, well, I'm sure there will be plenty of great places when you're ready," Jenny says.  "I hope you're just as lucky as we were."

"We can only hope," Mulder says cordially.  At least he got some manners out of his abbreviated attempts at charm school, or whatever it was his mother sent him to.  Obviously the rest of it didn't take.  

Scully stifles a yawn with one hand.  "Oh, look at the time," she actually says, glancing at her watch.  Mulder has to cough so he doesn't laugh.  "We have an early flight," she goes on.  

"No rest for the watchmen," Mulder says.  "Is that how that goes?"

"Do you two work together all the time?" Jenny asks.  "I thought you were in different divisions."

"Most of the time," Scully hedges.  "Every now and then they remember that we're assigned outside our specialties."  

"We just clicked from the first case," Mulder says smoothly.  "They can't justify keeping us apart.  Our solve rate is just too good."

"Don't you work on those special cases?" Ethan asks suddenly.  "Z-Files?"

"X-Files," Scully says, and there's something wry and wary and fond in her voice.

"They let us handle all the weird ones," Mulder tells Jenny.  "All the ones no one else can solve.  That's how talented we are."  

"Well, don't let us keep you," Jenny says.  "I wouldn't want you to miss your flight when you're so important!"

"A force for justice," Ethan says.  "Good for you both."

"Let us know when you get back," Jenny says.  "Maybe I'll cook, if I can still get around the kitchen."  

"Don't sell yourself short," Ethan says, nuzzling at her.  "You're an amazing cook and just as light on your feet as ever."  Jenny giggles.

"Can't wait," Mulder says.  "See you when we get back."  He steers Scully down the stairs and out of the house with the arm around her shoulders.  She lets out a long breath.  

"'Oh, look at the time'?" he teases as she unlocks her car.  

"I didn't see you doing much better," she mutters.  "God, Mulder, there was a time in my life when crown molding mattered to me."  

"Maybe there will be again," he teases, "when we get our own place."

"It had better have south-facing windows," she says.

"It will," he promises.  "Only the best for my sweetheart."

"Hypothetically speaking," she says as she climbs into the car and turns the ignition, "what would we be looking for, if we were getting a place together?  Obviously two bedrooms at least."

"Obviously," he says.  "I mean, there are two of us."  

"That and we have to look like we're planning for the future," she says, squinting at him as she stops at a light.  "Whatever that future might be."

"Right," he says.  "Because obviously they assume we're sleeping together."

"It would be strange if we weren't," she says.  "Ethan knows I don't have any hangups about premarital sex, and you don't strike me as the type to save yourself."

"Until marriage?" he asks.

She smirks.  "At all.  From any situation.  Everything happens to you."  She glances over at him.  "But in particular, yes, I suspect that like Oscar Wilde, you can resist anything except temptation."

"I've resisted you!" he protests.

"Have you?"  She raises one eyebrow.

"We haven't...done everything yet," he says.  "Considering how, uh, tempted I was, I've basically shown a superhuman ability to resist."

"What was it when the painters finished?" she asks, her thumb rubbing idly around the curve of her steering wheel.  "Third base?  'Everything but', as I believe your unhelpful definition ran?"

"I think that's what we said," he says, as if he hasn't been thinking about it all day.

"Hmm," she says.  "Maybe I would want crown molding.  It lends a certain dignity to a room.  We never had anything like that in base housing."

He'd have intellectual whiplash if he weren't so used to the switchbacks and callbacks of their conversations.

"I think it all comes down to the kitchen," he says.  "That's what I hear, anyway."

"Maybe three bedrooms would be better," she muses.  "Then we'd have a guest room."

"When would we have guests?" he asks.  "It was just the other day that we were talking about how we don't have any friends."

"Fine," she says reluctantly.  "It can be an office where you keep all your esoteric news clippings and weird samples."

"I like to think of them as our clippings and samples," he jokes.  

"After more than three years, I suppose that's fair," she says.  

"Joint custody of our collection," he says.  "It's a big step."  

"Is it?" she asks.  "I've always been assigned the responsibility for it."

"Feels like a big step," he says.

"Bigger than taking off our clothes together?" she asks without looking at him.

He breathes in sharply.  "I don't think that's third base."

"And yet it seems like the inevitable conclusion, given the way our relationship with Ethan and Jenny is developing," she says.  "I don't anticipate having any less need to decompress."

"Is that...okay?" he asks.  

"I'll keep you updated if anything changes," she says.  "For now, I'm...relieved."

He shifts against the seatbelt.  "Relieved?"

"It seems like a healthier outlet than drinking the stress away, for example."  She shrugs, the motion limited by the stretch of her arms.  "Less addictive.  Less damaging."

"Plenty of people get themselves in trouble that way," he hedges.

"I think we'll be just fine," she says, her lips curling up at the corners.  "If we couldn't help ourselves, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Makes sense," he says.  "We would have already just let it happen."

"Exactly," she says.  "Maybe years ago.  Who knows."

"A surrender to the inevitable," he says.  

"That's what they'll say," she muses.  

"All that matters to me is what you say," he says, letting his head loll on the headrest.  

"Right now I'm saying that I could use a stiff drink," she says, clearly amused with herself.  "Or something."

"I can provide that," he tells her.

They park in front of his building and make their way up to his apartment.  As soon as they're inside he picks her up.  Her legs wrap around his waist as her mouth meets his.  She twines her fingers through his hair.  He has one arm around her hips and the other under her ass.  He is endlessly thankful for the fact that she's been wearing skirts on these dates that aren't quite as constricting as the ones she wears in the office.  

"How would you like to take the edge off, Scully?" he murmurs.  "We have a number of options."

"Can I confess something to you?" she asks, kissing her way across his cheek to nip at his earlobe.  

"Of course," he tells her.

"I've always been intrigued by your oral fixation," she breathes.  Her tongue traces the shell of his ear and he shivers.

"How Freudian of you," he says.  

"Take it as you will," she says, and he knows that his grin verges on feral.

"Oh, I will," he says, and lays her out on the couch.  She pulls him down on top of her, kissing him lingeringly, her hands smoothing down his sides and over his ass.  He braces himself over her and lets himself melt into her mouth.  She makes soft little noises and slips her tongue against his. He feels the shock of the contact all down his body.  Scully could map him, he's certain, charting the impulses of desire through his bones and his nerves with her deft fingertips, but he has his own promises to keep.  He kisses down her throat and between her breasts, rubbing his cheeks against the plane of her stomach and the dip of her flank.  It takes the better part of half an hour, or so he imagines.  Around Scully, he's always losing time.  He plants himself between her knees, the leather cushions creaking under his weight.  She reaches down and helps him draw her skirt up over her thighs.  He hooks his fingers under the hem of her silky peach-colored panties and eases them down.  

"These aren't the sensible briefs I remember," he teases.  

"I had other expectations for tonight," she says.  

"Lucky you," he says in a low voice calculated to make her shiver, which she does.  His college education was good for something after all.  He gazes down at her: knees canted gently together, pale thighs, auburn curls.  He rubs his palms slowly up and down her calves.  She shaved for tonight and her skin is smooth and soft.  

"Third base?" he says, using one finger to nudge her knees apart.  She lets them fall to the sides and fuck, he wants her so badly.  

"Step up to the plate," she says, and now he's the one shivering.  He tries to lie down on his belly, but he's too tall, and the arm of the couch jams into his thighs.  He grunts and sits back up.

"What?" Scully says, and he puts his hands around her hips and lifts her over him as he lies back.  She takes the cue and balances over his shoulders.  He eases himself down underneath her and helps her settle over his face.  The fabric of her skirt tents his head and shoulders, but all he cares about is the curls tickling his lips, and then the soft folds that his tongue teases apart, and then the slick heat of her under his mouth.  

She gasps quietly as he explores her.  He's taking his own fucking time, savoring her.  She is everything he imagined.  He reaches up to tuck her skirt into her waistband, and reaches further to caress her breast.  She fumbles the rest of her skirt away from his face and rakes her fingers gently through his hair.

"Mulder," she says like his name is a prayer.

"Mm," he responds, concentrating on the salty-sour tang of her and the way her clit firms at the touch of his tongue.  She presses her hand to his, lacing her fingers between his over the swell of her breast.  They caress her together.  She shows him how hard to squeeze, how to pinch her nipples as he flicks his tongue against her clit.  Impatiently, she disentangles her fingers from his and drags her shirt over her head.  She unhooks her bra and tosses that onto his coffee table.  He lets go of her hip and reaches up with both hands, and together they stroke and knead her breasts.  She dips her head and lips at his fingers, sucking them into her mouth.  The wet heat of her mouth, the strength of her mouth, is the same warmth and tension he feels when he thrusts his tongue into her cunt.  He groans into the space between her thighs and circles her clit with his tongue, slowing his pace deliberately.  God, what he wouldn't do for four hands, for multiple mouths, to take in and slide into every part of her at once.  

Her hips are rocking against his face now and he has to let one hand slide from her breast to steady her.  He wants this to last.  She's slippery and frantic against his mouth, but he won't let her rush.  He holds her, slows her, makes her feel every last delicious ounce of friction.  She's gasping and groaning and he can feel the shivers running through her body.  He adds his own vibrations to hers, moaning against her delicate skin, letting her feel how much he's enjoying her where she can understand it best, right at the root of herself.  -

"Please," she gasps, and he gives in, letting his tongue and his fingers move faster, strumming her to a high-pitched jangle of sound and sensation that he can almost feel in his own body as she shakes and shivers, pressing his knees into his shoulders.  

"Oh," she says, "oh, oh, Mulder," and she collapses, catching herself on the arm of the sofa.  He helps her climb off him, steadying her as her legs shake, and shifts on the couch to make space for her.  She sits next to him and he's going to be thinking of her bare skin on his black leather couch for a long time.  He pulls her close with one arm and kisses her head as she catches her breath.

"Curiosity satisfied?" he asks smugly.

"For now," she says.  "I'm sure you'll have ample opportunity to satisfy me again."

"Good to know," he tells her.  

Her hand slips toward his belt and he catches it and kisses her knuckles.

"No?" she says.  

"Next time," he promises her.  "This was about you.  I don't want to complicate that."

"I want to," she says.  "I want you."

He groans and kisses her.  "I want that too.  Next time."  

"What if next time is their housewarming?" she asks.  

"I'm sure we'll have more than a week's notice," he says.  "And if it is, I enjoyed myself plenty tonight, believe it or not."

"I believe it," she says, smirking.  She leans in and kisses him again, and he's tempted to pull her into his lap and forget all about their careful rationing.  But he's made it this far.  

"I'd invite you to stay, but" - he gestures to the couch - "there's not a lot of space."

"Then you'll have to drive next time," she says, "although I'm sure the couch is pretty central to your fantasy."

"I can create a whole new set of fantasies based in your bed," he assures her.

"Good," she says, leaning forward and gathering her bra and panties.  She looks at her bra and then bundles it into the waistband of her skirt, but she steps back into her panties, steadying herself on Mulder's shoulder.  He drags his fingers up her leg, unable to resist grazing her clit with his thumb one last time through the damp fabric of her panties.  She shivers.

"How many innings in a baseball game?" she asks.

"Nine," he says, certain she knows that.

"Maybe some weekend we can play a full game," she says, her eyes half-lidded and dark with desire.

He whistles "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" and she smiles.  

"See you Monday," she says, kissing him one last time, and then the door shuts behind her and he collapses back onto the couch, unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants as fast as he can.  He wraps fingers still damp from her mouth around his cock, caressing himself, and he can't remember the last time he came so fast.  He slumps backwards, panting, and then cleans himself up with shaking hands.  

"Fuck," he says to no one.  The fish in their tank gape at him.

[violetlilysunshine]

Plenty of Times

Boyfriend Chris Evans x Female Reader

Requested - Anon: Hey! Is it all right to request for Chris Evans where reader comes in after a girls night and just dotes on him and loves on him and its sickeningly fluffy and he’s like what’s gotten into you? and reader breaks down because one of her friends vented that her husband is abusive and neglectful and she sees how important it is to have a good man in her life 🤍

WC: 1,619

Warnings: Pet names [bubba, babe, honey], talk of a bad relationship [neglectful husband - but not about Chris/reader], mention of phone sex [but it doesn’t happen here]

A/N: I’m so so so so sorry this took so long, I’m working on clearing out my inbox though! 

IF YOUR NAME IS SCRATCHED OUT I CAN’T TAG YOU - I’VE STARTED REMOVING PEOPLE, SO IF IT’S NOT WORKING AND YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED SHOOT ME A MESSAGE AND WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT

MASTERLIST - Join my TAGLIST

You haven't gone out with your friends in so long. You’re all busy with your own stuff - work and relationships, some with kids to care for. So, when the opportunity arises, Chris encourages you to take advantage of it. 

The night was pretty simple, dinner, a couple of glasses of wine, and a few shared desserts before everyone was ready to head home. Most of your friends were not night owls like you by any standard, so when dinner wrapped up early, it was no surprise. At least that meant you got to go home to your man. 

“Bubba?” you called as you walked through the front door.

“In here,” he answered.

You followed his voice to the living room, finding him lounging on the chaise sofa, Dodger soundly asleep next to him. Some movie played on the screen; you hadn’t paid attention to it long enough to know what it was.

You headed to the connected kitchen, dropping your keys and purse on the island, hanging your jacket on the back of one of the barstools, and slipping out of your boots before hurrying back to Chris. 

He paused the movie when he heard you approach him from behind. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, your hands splayed across his chest, as you pressed a long kiss to his temple. 

He hummed at the contact, placing one hand over the top of both of yours, before turning his neck to meet your lips with his. 

The kiss was sweet and simple, you could feel him smile against your lips as you lingered longer and longer into it. 

He chuckled when you finally pulled away, a big smile etched across his face and a glimmer in his eyes. 

You unraveled from his neck and stepped around the sofa. Dodger finally perked up when he heard you walking and you greeted him of course. 

“Hey, bub,” you whispered, scratching Dodger’s head for a second before turning to Chris, “can we cuddle?” you asked quietly. 

“Sure, babe, we can always cuddle,” he answered with a small smile, opening the blanket for you. 

You slipped under, resting between his legs with your back on his chest. He wrapped the blanket and his arms around you, splaying his palms over your upper chest and rubbing gently, just as you had done to him. You ran your nails over his arm as light as a feather with one hand, the other rested on top of his clasped hands, tangling your fingers with one set of his as best you could in this position. 

You tugged on his hand, pulling his arm further over your shoulder so you could place kisses on his bicep. 

“How was girl’s night?” he asked, placing a light kiss to the top of your head.

“Fine,” you whispered, squeezing his hands for a second, “was nice to see everyone. They all seemed to need a good vent,” you ended with a breathy chuckle.

You felt his laugh rumble through your body, “don’t they always?” he asked, another kiss being placed on top of your head as he looped his legs around yours.

“Seems like,” you giggled, stroking his calf with your foot. 

“Well I hope it was nice either way,” he said, “I’m glad you got to see them.” 

“Mm, yeah, me too,” you answered quietly.

He slipped one hand from your grasp to grab the remote, causing a whine to leave your lips, disappearing into his skin as you had your lips placed on his bicep again. 

He chuckled at the noise, “want me to start it over?” he nodded, making reference to the movie.

“No, it’s okay,” you whisper, pressing another lingering kiss to his arm. 

“You sure? I’m not that far into it...” 

“I’m sure, I won’t really be paying attention anyway.” 

“Why’s that?” he asked, you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Can’t focus with you wrapped around me,” you giggled.

“Mm, yeah, sorry not sorry,” he laughed, playing the movie again.

You giggled, bringing his hand up to your lips to give it a kiss.

He gave his other hand back to you and you entwined your fingers with it as well, giving both of his hands small squeezes every once in a while. 

You placed random kisses on his arms, pulling his hands up every now and again to press kisses to them as well. You didn’t want to do it too often, so you wouldn’t annoy him, but you couldn’t help but give him a few. 

You tilted your head to look up at him, his eyes focused on the movie before he looked down at you. 

“What’s up?” he asked, his voice sounding a little tired. 

“Nothing,” you whispered, passing him a small smile. 

“You’re lying,” he said, placing a kiss on your forehead, “what’s on your mind?” 

You sighed deeply, “have I told you how much I love you?” 

He reached over and paused the movie, quickly tangling his hand with yours again: “all the time,” he smiled. 

“And how great you are?” 

“Plenty of times,” he chuckled. 

“And how thankful I am for you?” 

“More than once,” he answered, a sense of questioning coming into his voice. 

“And how kind and good you are to me?”

“Never in those words, but you deserve it more than anything,” he said, “where’s this coming from?” 

“Jenn was really upset tonight,” you started. 

“And that has to do with me, how?” 

“She was talking about how rough her marriage is. And I know everyone says the first year is the hardest, but he doesn’t prioritize her, and never really has, and if I’m being honest I always thought she could do better; and she feels so disconnected from him and he’s so distant and she’s just not happy,” you rambled, tears pricking at your eyes, “and of course the whole time she was talking I felt so bad for her, but I couldn’t help thinking that I’m so lucky to have a guy like you and that made me feel even worse. Ya know? Like guilty because I was sitting there thinking ‘well at least I’m not in her shoes,’ and, god, you’re so good to me and I appreciate and love you so much. Don’t feel like I tell you that enough, but, you’re the best,” you finished, taking a deep breath. 

“Honey,” Chris soothed, “you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, first off. It’s not your fault he treats her like crap, and all you can do is support her with whatever she chooses to do about it. She can leave, or they could go to therapy, or she might just ignore it all together, but the only thing you can and should do is listen to her vent and offer support, or sometimes advice if she asks for it.”

You smile, “I know, but it’s just a shitty situation. Like I wish she wasn’t going through it, because she’s great, and I wish he was as good to her as you are to me.” 

“Well no one’s as good as me,” Chris joked, trying to lift your spirits.

You laughed lightly in response, turning over a little bit and scooting up so you could lay face to face with him. 

“Second,” he continued, “I’m only giving you what you deserve. Wish I could do a lot more sometimes, if I’m honest,” he said almost under his breath as he wrapped his arms around your back.

“Chris, you do more than enough! I should be doing more for you!” 

“Babe, you give me everything I could ever want,” he smiles, “you’re amazing. Wish I could do more, like I wish I wasn’t away from you so much. Don’t like leaving you, ever.”

“You’re the best,” you lean forward, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth, “you do plenty for me even when you’re away.”

“Not nearly enough,” he says, “gotta come up with something new for us.” 

“We’ve done plenty of new things while you’re away.” 

“Yeah? You think?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Hey, without you, I never would’ve tried phone sex,” you giggle, “love trying new things as long as it’s with you. Especially that thing...” 

He lets out a breathy laugh at that, “I love you too,” he says, referring back to your ramble but also your willingness to try anything for and with him.

You giggle, this time pecking his lips, “I don’t deserve you,” you whisper against his mouth. 

“No, you don’t,” he says shortly. 

You pull away from him, not expecting that to come out of his mouth. 

“You deserve better,” he smiles, a glimmer in his eye again.

“You’re so corny!” you laugh loudly, causing Dodger to grumble next to Chris. 

“Sorry, bub,” you laugh at Dodge.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” Chris suggests.

“What about the movie?” you ask, tipping your head towards the TV.

“Eh, won’t be able to pay attention now anyway, and I’ve lost the flow,” he shrugs. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” you whisper, stroking a few fingers across his cheekbone. 

“‘S alright,” he whispers, “like you better anyway.” 

“Thank you,” you whisper, eyelids heavy as they start to flutter closed for a kiss. 

Chris closes the distance between the two of you, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, “I love you,” he whispers into your mouth. 

“I love you too,” you whisper back.

Your lips seal in a gentle kiss, and he brings a hand up to rest on your cheek before pulling back: “you can always make it up to me anyway,” he says, a smile giving away his attempt at being serious.

You laugh at him, “alright, bubba, let’s get you to bed.”

TAGLIST: @hogwartsmarvelmommy @tulipholland @cupids-crystals @sunwardsss @mrspeacem1nusone @elishi03 @golden-hoax  @patzammit @serrendiipty @katiew1973 @princess-evans-addict @high-on-darren-criss @gnemgn @amelia-song-pond @scorpiowidow @multixfandomwriter @wildxwidow @na-nou83 @fdl305 @gotbangtan @dumbhead1 @evansxchalamet

[expfcultragreen]

This is a cultural trope for a reason, "getting turned out" ring any bells?

Ok...

This is a lyrical account from the middle of last century:

(It means Drug Dealer...incidentally i have a rhps film theory: the night goes that way because franks crew is all in withdrawal because the candyman never shows up)

Like, regarding the girl in the song, what do you think happens afterward if they stay together through her uh, working years? How do you imagine bag ladys happen, its always their husband died in a war and they cant pay the rent? This is just one avenue

Anyone watch this one?

Its drugs, he's from "the underground" and he's tempting her with a thinly veiled metaphor for tuning in/turning on/dropping out. She is literally afrighted with the spectre of becoming a bag lady

Many "upstanding members of society" know and hate this about sex workers, homeless people, "drifters" etc etc etc, lets not pretend theyre wrong about it happening just because theyre wrong to judge people for it like the world would end if any of it was successfully normalized (they think it would; the whole straight* world...)

*

Like yeah, this doesnt tend to happen door-to-door, but "human trafficking" refers to precisely the scenario i am talking about: a criminal enterprise realizes it can scoop you up, someone shows up and gets you high and away you go

Now in terms of all the ridiculous home security shit, again im saying, its really more for monitoring cop invasions rn but, it could be useful when the economy collapses and everyone addicted to meat is ringing doorbells saying please i need a cup of sugar

Like good luck retrospectively laughing at the urban preppers if that ever happens

Remember covid hoarding? That was a cakewalk, a dry run

Dont be hubristic like everyone else laughing at the mere concept of home defense

Bet youll wish your house wasnt flammable, too

They make them that way on purpose, we're all sitting in badly made powderkegs EXCEPT the people in neocaves of poured cement, and they always have huge windows; its because theyre greed demons (ahahah sorry, "capitalists") who want to sell you a new house or buy up the land cheaply from your corpse

At this point coal-rollers and loggers et al are just a form of psychopathic prepper-accelerationist, i wouldnt try to throw yourselves on their dicks so much as throw these freaks off a cliff, theyre actually very often accutely dangerous and highly antisocial people and i expect theyre disproportionately uncaught serial killers/sport-murderers

This goes to what i was saying the other day about how matrix culture expects women to ascribe their own competence at self defense relative to men/any man. But it bottoms out in some shit i dont gaf about like privacy concerns. What do you need privacy for actually? Like someone literally was like "what human trafficking rings"

These are people who ultimately surfaced because too many people positioned to see this happening thought it was gross when it was kids

Like yeah, um, i dunno, maybe youve never lived next to a meth lab and been an ex meth addict and been like, "hmm, this could go badly if i get too close because probably it would be lucrative for them to pressure me into partying with them to prove im not a snob and that im friendly, and things spiral, because ive seen that kind of thing happen more or less, ive actually known people who had to get out of situations that started innocentlyish (but also, because of addiction)"

But i have had those worries personally. I mean, im not american, thats true

I WANT cameras everywhere, i just want them monitored by everyone instead of a heavily nazi gang of colonial enforcers

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

medicine - a close reading

x

HUGE disclaimer for anyone about to read this: i got down to business. no words were embellished, no thoughts were held back. i'm talking about sex. so, if you're too young/not comfortable with unfiltered sex talk, especially relating to your fave, skip this one!

and if you're uncomfortable with the idea of harry "messing around" with more ppl than our trusted "you", then you can also let this one pass you by bc yes we're entertaining those thoughts here <3

LYRIC ANALYSIS

Here to take my medicine Treat you like a gentleman

right off the bat: deliciously ambiguous

like you're a gentleman

like i'm a gentleman

Give me that adrenalin Think I'm gonna stick with you

only just met? and already addicted? "you" is the focus of "i"s desires

Here to take my medicine Rest it on your fingertips Up to your mouth, feeling it out

this visual was unclear to me until @bluewinnerangel clarified it for me so thank you for your service once again, demy <3

routine of taking actual medicine: take the pill between your fingers and pop it in your mouth

it is loaded with innuendo, of course, bc it's fucking harry, esp with "feeling it out" revealing the true nature of the medicine and how both mouth and fingers are doing the feeling in question yk just spelling it out to be thorough

thx harry for the blowjob manual <3

I had a few, got drunk on you, and now I'm wasted

theme of love as a drug

"give me some morphine" - mmith

"cause there's no antidote for this curse" - esny sorry i did that to fuck with myself mostly

"loving you is the antidote" - golden

"i don't know if i could ever go without, watermelon sugar high"

the substance getting harry drunk = "you"

And when I sleep I'm gonna dream of how you tasted

yeah there's nothing subtle about this, nothing at all. harry had his mouth on "you" and he's still horny yes we know who wrote stockholm syndrome

If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive

they love to party, so much is obvious

sub undertones (overtones?) bc yes this entire song is about sex this nightlife scene is not innocent

You got that salt, I got me an appetite, and now I can taste it

i'm hungry and you've got the salt, so i need you to make my meal taste good

-- i need you

-- you taste good

salt = semen and harry is hungry for it

"now": is he imagining it so vividly he can taste it, or is he writing this song while there's something in his mouth? probably both

You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh La la la la la We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh

drunk on sex, drunk on love

dizzy from mouth fucking. from getting his brains fucked out

"we"!!! ～ ws: sex makes us one - ecstasy of sharing physical love, ecstasy of being close, ecstasy of sex - through this act we've become one

Tingle running through my bones, fingers to my toes Tingle running through my bones

arousal coursing through him

bones or boner, harry?

The boys and the girls are in I mess around with him/them And I'm okay with it

multiple interpretations:

boys as well as girls are into giving blowjobs and he's more than okay with it - fuck yeah we don't subscribe to heteronormativity

boys as well as girls are out with "you" and "i", "i" messes around with all of them and he's okay with it

boys as well as girls are out and "i" messes around with "him" and he's okay with it

they're out, having a good time, messing around. in terms of the pronoun used: is it "him"? is it "them"? - it's clear harry has sung both and has purposely left it ambiguous. he likes that the song is muddy, dirty. for everyone.

"him" or "them" could then definitely refer back to "you", but that's not set in stone

i literally picture a sex party here so i mean i don't wanna put ideas in your head and also pls don't hate me but. they like sex

I'm coming down, I figured out I kinda like it And when I sleep, I'm gonna dream of how you ride it

comedown from sex

"kinda" - understatement of the century - first time experiencing that? experiencing what? some kind of orgy?

"how you ride it": they're generous to each other <3

SYNTHESIS

Right, so! I'm turned on.

I hope all the kids have been scared off by the crude language by now.

This song is about sucking dick, we know this. There are interpretations that like to entertain the thought of it being about oral sex in general, but I think it's now clear that the only thing that's entering mouths in this song is dicks.

Just like many songs Harry's written, its lyrics are wonderfully ambiguous, offering the listener the opportunity to interpret it in many ways.

Do you want to think of it as purely homoerotic, as Harry makes "you" feel like a gentleman before going down on him, to then let him ride him, go for it, babe. And we know Harry, we know he's sung "him" more than anything in the live versions, and "gentleman" is not there for nothing, so I do think a safe assumption to be made is that the focus of the song is men, and that "you" is definitely one.

Do you want to think it's a bi anthem, since the boys and the girls are in, getting their daily portion of salt? Live your best life.

Is the song a dream, with all the references to sleeping and dreaming? Did Harry meet "you" and proceed to have the wettest dreams of his life? Is the scene with the boys and girls simply conjured up in his sleep? All possible.

Does it describe an orgy at a sex party, where "you" dragged "i" off to, because he's oh so persuasive? Where all genders were present, all eager to mess around, all simply "okay with it"? Also a very valid interpretation.

The song could be about the very beginnings of when harry met "you", since he decides to stick with them and still has to dream about how "you" rides it. Or it could describe how harry decides to stick with "you" once and for all, since he's addicted now anyway and "you" is too persuasive to resist.

Honestly, through all the horniness and sex in this song, there is still that element of "you", someone he's always coming back to. The one who makes him dizzy, the one who makes him feel the best. He's "okay" with the random messing around, but it's "you" who's got him out of his mind, who he follows blindly.

At the base of the song, though, before i get carried away by my romanticism, is sex. Desire. Being horny as fuck. Oral sex. Anal sex. Becoming one by having sex. The ecstasy of sex with the right person. Having fun with sex.

Whatever interpretation you think is the most correct one, this point can't be forgotten. It's just easy, mindless, physical, intuitive.

I just think it's important to note with this song that it's easy to get hung up on the possible meanings and implications of lyrics. It's just a fun sex song, and analysing the lyrics doesn't mean we know about harry's bedroom or nightclub habits.

Okay? Okay, good.