#sorry ab the lack of activity

[andr0nap-wf]

i live

[tkaulitzlvr]

PLEASE READ

this isn’t an imagine but some people in this fandom are genuinely gross, like it’s concerning…

so as u know i’ve already made a post ab this girl for the outright disgusting body shaming that she openly posted on here. i’ve found out that not only does she openly bodyshame but she’s also racist, and in general is a bully. i’ve noticed some people talking to her and becoming her friend which i just do not understand, bc these people have definitely seen my previous post. why do u wanna associate with someone like this??

racism is not cute girl, neither is the body shaming and outright bullying people for their appearance. and fishing for compliments constantly is embarrassing considering the way you actively seek to bring other people down - you certainly don’t deserve any with such an ugly personality. ur age is showing and so is ur immaturity, please find help🤨

++ sorry for the lack of uploads, writers block is reallllll💔

[contentloadingandstuff]

Hanging out with them - Platonic!Tall Genshin Men x Male!Reader

A/N: Due to the upsetting lack of platonic requests with the male characters, I have decided to take immediate action. Sorry for how slow things are now, but the heat boils out my very soul daily.

Diluc is an introvert by nature. With most people he is lukewarm, no matter how kind or affectionate they might be. But you are different. You just feel right, or at least that's how he would put it. You're respectful of him and his way of handling social matters. Most of your time will be spent inside, visiting art displays or chilling inside the mansion with a cup of grape juice and a board game, or outside, fighting human scum and monsters in the dead of night. He never rests with his training, so he'll ask you to spar with him fairly often. Seriously, this man needs someone to have his back and teach him to lay back more, else he inevitably burns out. 

Hitting the many taverns in Mondstadt in a duo is Kaeya's favorite. There's so much to pick up from the other visitors, aside from the obvious delicacy of alcohol. Sometimes the evening ends in following a shady individual and jailing them, other times you just enjoy a quiet drink, talking about everything and nothing. Maybe you'll even get yourselves hot dates, or even just one-night stands? With Kaeya's silver tongue and both of your charming looks, everything is possible… 

Childe loves looking for trouble with you. Outside of Liyue Harbor, of course. Some stray Hilichurls, minding their own business? That's a good excuse to beat them up. You know, for public benefit! Treasure Hoarders in the wilderness? Well, too bad you two were passing by. Sometimes Childe wants to go undercover and have a drink, especially in the shadiest of taverns. The chances of a good old unarmed barfight are very high, and those of a Milelith patrol coming in - very low. Or, if you're not keen on real violence, you can always just spar, maybe even with the new recruits. They could use a good, humbling beating. 

"Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember, but where are those that share the memory?" just became outdated. With Zhongli you won't be only reliving the memories, but making new ones as well. He sometimes can't believe you're real. It's been so long since he talked to someone of a similar mindset. Over countless pots of tea and bottles of wine you will spend your tireless nights talking about the world, how it changed, how it once was. Most people will find your high-level discussion unintelligible at best, unable to imagine the vast knowledge you two possess. And how about you invite old friends over? Especially Venti - drinking with him is never boring, you two know that best. 

Due to his condition, any sort of physical exercise is out of the question with Baizhu. He tends to be very busy as well, so there's few moments where you can enjoy some spare time. Aside from work, he doesn't have many hobbies. Sometimes he'll play cards or board games with you, sometimes you'll down some shots (a reasonable amount of course), or play with Qiqi. The little zombie is such an amusing person to be around. 

Beetle fights and messing around are both fun, yes, but those divine muscles don't maintain themselves, do they? As his Numero Dos, you're more welcome to tag along on Arataki Itto's gym trips. He'll spot you and give you any sort of advice you need, as well as keep you as motivated as youkaily possible. His incredible enthusiasm is virally infectious, so you'll get those abs in no time when he's around! He might be a silly oni most of the time, but he has an admirable discipline when it comes to staying in shape. He'll help you along the way as much as he can. But do join Shinobu's efforts to remind him that not every day is leg day. 

Thoma is a soft guy, and he enjoys simpler and quieter activities. It would be hard for him to pick a favorite, however. He only does what he likes doing, and you make things hundreds of times better. Tending to the stray animal population is certainly one of his best picks - and it shows! The fluffy guys know you by look, sound, smell and feel by this point, that's for sure. If you've got some spare Mora, why not go out to eat? Or maybe just play some hotpot in the residence? Ayaka and Ayato certainly won't be against him using some leftover food to enjoy with his pal. 

Despite engaging in entertainment and social events a lot, in reality Ayato doesn't like them. He needs to watch his every step, keep tabs on all of his fellow partygoers and keep his guard up. Things like chess are fun, sure, but they are quite taxing on the mind. Sometimes, Ayato just wants to get a few drinks in and play card games for money. Unrefined pleasures for sure, but don't judge him. It doesn't require that much focus, and he can devote most of his attention to a pleasant conversation with you. Thoma won't let his baby sister find the bottles or catch you in the act of gambling, don't worry. 

Despite Sumeru being the land of wisdom, Alhaitham finds that there’s no shortage of fools and cretins in its society. Aside from the Akademiya, but even within its walls there are certain misplaced ‘individuals’. Hanging out with you brings a breeze of fresh air into his days. You’re not a fool, not by any means, you’re not as up-your-own-ass as the scholars he works along, and you’re not nearly as annoying as his roommate. He doesn’t want to read books with you, since it would be just wasting your time, sitting in silence. Instead, Alhaitham wants to discuss them. Your opinions are always fascinating, and your ability to explain them in depth is truly exceptional in a casual environment. In truth, you’re probably the only person he actively wants to be around. 

Arts, literature, music… Kaveh enjoys them, yes, but there is something else - engineering. Not only architecture, but also mechanics. You’re great because you don’t ridicule him for even the craziest ideas he has. You laugh along with him, you help him build his inventions, and you never get tired of sticking new eyebrows on his face. Perhaps one of your designs will one day get popular? You’ll be rich in your thirties, that Kaveh promises every day. It’s also nice to have someone to lend a few thousand Mora when he’s in need… Don’t worry, he always is on point with the deadlines.

Thanks for reading!

[tercosh]

hey!!

I wanted to ask what you think of wriothesley in vore scenarios?? he has such good potential <3

one of my fav scenarios for him is with lyney! lyney sneaking around the duke’s office during the events of the 4.1 AQ, perhaps shrunken down or smth somehow (to be extra sneaky ofc not for any other reason), only to be found by wrio, who makes sure lyney keeps his silence by swallowing him.

Hello, my favorite blogger, I'm so glad to see a request from you!

And oh, yes, Wrio is simply the king of the vore. I'm sure he would constantly flirt with his naughty victims.

Since Lyney is the owner of the pyro element, digestion in someone else's tummy would not be fatal for him. Rather, it was simply an offensive and humiliating experience. Okay, I won’t delay any longer, get ready to read. SORRY FOR THE MISTAKES OUR COUNTRY DOESNT TEACH US ENGLISH

The soft soles of Lyney's shoes walked quietly on the floor in the duke's office. He planned to grow back in size at the very last moment and attack the thief of his brother and sister. Poor boy was so confident in himself that he was incredibly surprised when Wrio suddenly grabbed him with his palm and raised him to the level of his own face. Lyney got scared and began to look around, thinking how to quickly escape from someone else's gaze. Duke, however, squeezed the illusionist in his hand, bringing him closer to himself.

At this moment, Lyney could have sworn that he heard someone else's stomach growl. Not a good sign. However, Wrio acted quickly. Now Lyney was pushing the wet walls of someone else’s esophagus with his own face, hearing the approaching seething sounds. Finally, this long corridor ended and gravity literally began to push him into his tight stomach. And so, the gulps did not stop there, and duke realized with relief that he had reached that wonderful point of no return, when all he had to do was raise his head and straighten his throat so that the losing boy could very smoothly pass on. Wrio's belly has become noticeably rounder.

BbUuoORrp~

Wrio could now exhale calmly, beginning to feel how Lyney began to slowly change his position inside. As soon as Lyney started moving, the upper part of someone else's strong belly grabbed him and simply fixed him in this position, leaving him only able to scream, but not kick. Throughout the nearby district one could hear how actively Wrio's tummy began to work to overcome such a small victim.

Wrio belched loudly and uncontrollably again. There were a couple of slaps, and then there was an attempt to hide a very loud burp, which literally took out some of the air, forcing the victim to shrink even more tightly inside the impressive tummy. Although he didn’t look that big, as if the duke’s tummy or abs were stronger, which is why, in attempts to regain his size, he simply squeezes incredibly tightly everything that gets into his stomach.

Lyney did not give up trying to get out, for at least a long time he tried to spread the upper sphincter of the stomach in order to get back through the mouth, and even attacked the walls with all his might, but his arms, weakened from lack of oxygen, simply could not break through. He felt humiliated, but other people's rough pats and tummy rubs gave him the incentive to fight further.

Wrio was filled with the desire to tease the victim, so he began to drink tea without interruption, laughing, belching and massaging his belly.

I AM SO SORRY I AM REALLY BAD AT THIS

[shellxrls]

babe r u okay we haven’t seen you for ages :/

SORRY NONNIE. i feel like i shld do a clarification post cuz i've gotten a few asks and i feel kinda bad for leaving u guys in the dark 😭. i've just been putting this off cuz i've been tired and stressed coupled with other reasons (that i'll explain) that make me not want to publicly interact on this blog:

recently i've noticed such a large uprise in hate on this app (ranging from pro-israel/anti-palestine posts to mutuals outside of my fandoms being called aggressive slurs to ppl within the obx fandom consistently expressing opinions of dislike and resentment to authors for simply writing what they want) - also largely made up of anon asks with the foundation of racial or sexuality based hate (which i won't go into depth ab but ppl definitely pick and choose who to send hate to based on those factors - pisses me the fuck off more than anything bcuz i don't come on this app to be bombarded with racism and reminders of my racial perception in this world, regardless of whether its directed at me or mutuals).

another thing, (which ik has been said forever but continues to remain important), the lack of support and interaction for/with writers on this app is definitely very discouraging. i no longer feel supported by the community i've created and the truth is i need that interaction to keep writing and engage my motivation otherwise i feel like what i'm doing on this app is pointless.

no one logs onto this app to listen to me rant ab personal issues, and so i wont' go into extensive detail - but i've consistently used tumblr to escape my personal life, and the burdens and stress that come with. ofc i'm a writer, but wayyy beyond that this is intended to be my safe space where i can enjoy and simply be myself and let go of personal stress as well as interact happily w like-minded ppl. due to this, i've made an effort to take time out of my own life and duties to write and to interact because of the community. recently however i find myself more and more anxious to even open the app and look at my notifs, and whenever i do open the app i make myself feel bad by comparing myself to other writers - which is completely normal occasionally, but at this point its not as easy to shake considering all the factors listed above. its unfortunate to say but it simply hasn't felt worth it to be on this app and interact for while now for me.

before anyone says i'm being too sensitive or its my sole purpose to write - pls remember that this is entirely my blog, i can choose what my motivations are for being on this app and its not a stretch to kindly ask for more in terms of stopping hate and simply being more supportive if u do genuinely like an author and their works.

ultimately i've been both a fan/reader and a writer on this app for multiple years atp, i can understand both perspectives but i've honestly never felt this disconnected and upset ab a blog before. I understand that not everyone is to blame, and i'm sorry to those who've been kind & active supporters, but my public interactions have been limited and may continue to be bcuz i feel v unsure & stagnant atm.

the only 'exception' to this is my mutuals, i love them all obv and their works, & so i'm continuing to interact w them as per normal, and so i am active on the app & i'm definitely not entirely gone by any means. if anything i just need a few more days to reconsider, but we'll see.

[ogdeville]

Clone High Theory:

Many of the clones aren't actually who they think they are, and that's why there's clone 'copies' between S1 and S2. Some of the new ones included.

My examples: Topher Bus, The Freida's, Joan of Arc, and Ghengis Kahn.

1) Topher Bus doesn't look much like Christopher Columbus (CC) did at his age, and there's a difference in core personality traits.

At Topher's age CC was actually quite tall for his era at 5'7. With modern medicine, nutrition, etc- he would likely be equally tall as, or taller, than JFK. (but not as tall as Abe)

CC also didn't become a Brunette until later in his life (only to go pure white at 30) with light colored hair in his youth.

What they do have correct is his curly hair, nose, and skin tone. (CC was described as having a 'Ruddy Pallor' and 'burned easily in the sun. Likely he had some kind of Rosacea. They're both cave dwellers.)

The core personality traits that are different between them:

CCs core personality trait was Greed. he was a self serving person who was superficially charming, good in social situations, and had a lust for wealth and extravagance.

They share self serving behavior, elitism, egoism, superiority-inferiority complexes, and nearly all men back then had mommy issues and Topher definitely does.

However Topher completely lacks social skills, any kind of socially acceptable charm, and while he is self serving he isn't as quick to opportunistic risk. He needs more time to weigh things. He COULD have not attempted to save Abe from continually shooting himself in the foot verbally the first time they met. Why? in order to make a new social pariah, or shift focus off of himself. Make a new public enemy #1, be the first to call him out openly and attempt to make himself look good. Instead his first instinct was to try and save Abe from the same fate he suffered. (Suffered being generous; but they are mentally torturing him with asylums and angry possums so I'm giving him a handicap.)

It wasn't until later he felt he could take a risk on Abe. Both in trying to socialize with him, and in blackmailing- sorry, WHITE LEVERAGING- him. He had to be sure it would work rather than sail across the Atlantic.

His choice in aesthetics (Topher being minimalistic and CC being maximalistic) may be part of him actively distancing himself from CC, but there is also that to consider. He seems to enjoy cramped spaces. Topher's core traits are anxiety, and rage which have led to bitterness. Quite frankly, he's a whiner who doesn't actually want to DO anything, just bitch about it unless the effort it takes is truly minimalistic, or if he can remain anonymous.

It's very possible since CCs remains were moved 3 or 4 times, over long distances, since 1509 when they were moved for the first time from Valladolid to the Monasterio de la Cartuja.

2) There are several clone copies but none more dramatic in change and status than Frida. Why would he clone a duplicate that looked so drastically different? Because the first Frida wasn't the right one. This seems fairly simple.

It is possible that the first Frida he cloned was a Frida Kahlo impersonator and being as scattered as he is- he dug up the impersonator by mistake, only to correct it later with the new batch of clones. Just leaving the old Frida frozen like Ghandi and wiping her from their memories.

Frida had to be a copy by time overlap.

(I can picture a scene of Mr. B very unceremoniously saying 'I told you so' while digging up the correct body.)

3) Joan of Arc was burned at stake. There were no actual physical remains to bury or do anything with at all. The heat would have destroyed everything useable even if she hadn't burned to the bone.

There is no way for Joan to be the actual Joan of Arc. Likely there was a chapel that claimed to have a reliquary or lock of hair belonging to Joan of Arc which was counterfeit and likely belonged to a young woman who simply looked like her.

She also WOULD be hearing voices by now that don't come from a retainer. Joan of Arc was very obviously schizophrenic (assuming she believed she was hearing the voice of God and not just claiming it) Joan is currently at/past the age it would have begun to manifest. So far the only emotional or instability she's shown was in response to aggression, and sleep rejection. Why she didn't want to sleep is a mystery still. She seems to have a lot of mind-body problems like Silly Legs, but not hallucinations or voices. So she may have mental issues, but I don't think they are the same. If she started hearing voices for real shed reject all medication so there's no way she's managing it herself. Likely her clonemother had mental problems which led to further belief that whoever they got the DNA from was Joan. Additionally, quite a few people claimed to be Joan of Arc shortly after her death.

[side note: I don't believe they genetically altered the clones in any purposeful way. Abraham Lincolns signature height, lankiness, large nose, and hands/feet were the result of Marfan Syndrome. Since his appearance is unchanged, it stands that he also has Marfan Syndrome. This means JFK has Addison's Disease as well. So I don't think they 'snipped' that part out if it was present.]

4) Ghengis Kahn wasn't a mouth breathing idiot, he was a savvy military leader able to defeat armies far larger than his own. He would have fucking DOMINATED that maze. Not mention just be... Y'know... Smarter in general. Like I feel as if this doesn't need to be said??? That's not him. No way.

Ghengis Kahn asked to be buried without any sign or markings, though it's generally believed to be somewhere near the sacred Burkahn Khaldun in the Khentii Mountains of Mongolia: which are heavily regulated with even the Soviet Union leaving it undisturbed due to the symbolic importance of the site to the natives of Mongolia.

It is more than likely he cloned a falsified artifact, or had to scramble so hard to avoid the authorities that shoot on sight, he took the first large male body he found.

Summary: considering Scudworths self admitted incompetence when it comes to keeping track of DNA samples. He ended up cloning himself over and over again on accident while trying to clone Wesley bc he couldn't even keep the hairs straight.

I have no doubt in my mind that at least half the Clones in Clone High aren't the right person/ not who they think they are. There might even be some mislabelings or mix ups with switched identities. Mr.B wasn't part of the process until after he made his first batch of clones as we saw him holding Joan's test tube, so he wasn't there to keep Scudworth even somewhat organized.

What are your thoughts?

[ventismacchiato]

Same anon who sent that ask that triggered that avalanche of trolling.

I just wanna say, I'm sorry for being hypocritical when I said you were rude, but I did not mean you were rude by setting boundaries (even tho that was never a topic of debate for us, I'd always respected your boundaries)

I meant rude as in, you used to be very...dry? You could say? when I sent asks but then you'd be super nice to other people who sent asks so I felt like you just had something against me.

My reason for staying anonymous isn't because I'm afraid of confronting you face-to-face, it's because I know that if I were to try and talk to you ab this personally, I'd just get the same response, and if I were to send the ask without being anonymous, the asks clowning on me would be sitting in my inbox rn.

And I get WHY people r clowning on me. I sent an ask on a topic sensitive to me thru anon and my choice of words r similar to that of an emo 14 yr old boy on reddit.

But in my defense, if Kai hasn't been rude to you personally, doesn't mean they might not have been rude to me. And I use rude due to a lack of better words.

Bottom line is: I was hurt by Kai's difference in personality when it came to my asks (which never pressured them about updates btw bc I never rlly followed their smaus much) and I took to anon to try and tell it to them, albeit in a v poor worded manner.

I'm sorry that so many of your fans seemed personally attacked by me expressing my opinion but I'm more sorry that I couldn't just talk to you about this directly.

(also b4 anyone repeats the old insult of "get a job"... I'm already training to become a CA. I have a life outside of Tumblr and I log in very rarely. It may not seem that way because of my previous ask, but Kai isn't on my mind 24/7. I just logged back in after a month and their ask were on my 'following' page and in the spur of the moment, I typed out the ask.

I assure yall I'm very content in life and (in response to one of the asks telling me to shower💀) take very good care of my hygiene (lmao???). Some of the responses I got were VERY hilarious, I'll agree, even I laughed at a few of them.

I know my previous ask gave a lot of people second-hand embarrassment (this one will too probably lmfao I can't win) and this is getting too long so I'll just say: not the intention, just wanted my feelings acknowledged.

Thank you and Goodbye.

This seems like a script to a YouTube apology video lmao.

oh my god…

DRY ≠ RUDE

so are you just upset i didn’t treat you like a friend or?? genuinely don’t understand how me ever being dry is considered rude to you, have you ever considered the asks you sent didnt give me room to respond with more excitement? i receive a lot of asks in a day so i cant always be all !!! to every single one. it’s a little over the top to accuse me of being rude when all i supposedly did was not match the same energy. you said so yourself you weren’t active and i tended to be more excited talking to my regular anons.

i didnt have anything against you, maybe a little now because this is ridiculous, but if someone online replying to you dry causes you that much hurt then maybe this app isn’t for you. we don’t need to talk about this directly because there isn’t anything to talk about.

goodbye!

[niuniente]

You're so right. Just today, I was literally growing sick from lack of feedback. Heck, the only comment I got was a negative one. It just made me not wanna write anymore. I kinda gave up, which is sad because writing is my hobby. If more people gave another person feedback, the world would be a sweeter place. We should be doing this in general for others too in any place.

You know what? This wasn't going to be nothing else but me shaking my head like Abe Simpson about how fandom used to be more supportive in my youth, but I've gotten SO MANY MESSAGES LIKE YOURS. That you're unseen, unsupported, treated at the best like some human AI program to bring content, more and more and more and more, which can then be brainlessly consumed like some big budget Marvel movie.

I'm so sorry for all of you! I wish we could make an event or a something where we would gather together and go read each others fics, see arts, see gifs, plushies, patterns, watch Youtube videos and metas and animations, see pixel art, pottery etc. and then we would just comment. Say nice things about these creations other people out there have made.

Such a think used to exist during Livejournal, but the past 10-5 years - and I'm blaming now more Tiktok and IG for this - has made fandom inactive in a way it has never been before. Well, it was a bit harder in the 60's, 70's and 80's, before internet brought us closer together globally, but seriously? I don't recall fandom ever being like this, like hungry little baby birds with their mouth open toward other people like "feed me feed me feed me". It's really sad to witness, especially when I've gotten to live the more active times in my youth and how much the support I got mattered to me, and now I think nowadays kids, teens and young adults who don't have such support.

It's super disheartening. Not for me, but for others. For fandoms. Is it the endless amount of content which has made people so carefree? That no matter what, more stuff will come, even if I didn't even blink towards small creators? If this fandom person stops, then others will continue?

The online support I see the best at these times seems to be in the small fandoms, and because there's so little content. You're so happy and grateful for all small nuggets you get.

If I was still studying, I'd probably make a thesis out of this topic. It feels so multilayered and sadly, increasing.

Or then I'm just an old fart.

[chemkin-c-chickin]

I tried reading Black Butler again.

Up to the most recent chapters and I forgot how much gross fan-service there is. And how a lot of it concerns characters who have little power.

Sebastian coercing that circus woman into sex. I mean, he's a demon, but thats beside the point.

He's hot, so the story and the audience will forget what he did in two seconds.

Ciel has a horrible episode and is in so much mental turmoil that he vomits and starts hyperventilating. The author chooses to draw the characters in what would be described as a "heavy make-out" aftermath if this were full blown yaoi.

And then the issue with how the author draws Ciel in certain moments throughout the story. For fanservice.

Ciel and his brother being drawn like they're on the cover of body pillows after they've been SA'd by multiple people.

His brother swallowing the ring and the panel putting extreme focus and detail on his lips and exposed neck. The boy is 10.

There are other examples that my brain could list but this is pretty long already. Reading this manga sparked my hyperfixation on why audiences are so unwilling to defend men and young boys when they so obviously get taken advantage of by more powerful authority figures? Ciel and Denji from Chainsaw Man get abused but its blown off because "Well, Sebastian/Makima is hot and Denji/Ciel is okay with all the touching and weird angles"

Its strange, its sad, and I'm dropping this manga to go do research because I just can't fathom it.

Sure, its fiction, but its like when your folks say "Hey don't eat like a slob at home you'll start doing it in public"

And then you start eating like a slob in public.

Just the mere idea that people are so willing to indulge and forgive yaoi shows and manga for SA is just baffling.

"Yeah, he SA'd the main character but a few episodes later he apologized and now they're in love! It was just a bad first impression!"

Like, my brain is screaming at the injustice of it all and I'm so sad that I can't slap the people who say "Oh, he was lucky! I wish that happened to me!"

No, you don't. You only think you do because you think you'll be the special one.

(I'm so sorry this ramble was so long, reading that manga sparked up this need to infodump my thoughts. I get like this sometimes.)

(And it shouldn't have to be said but I'll say it anyway. I'm not saying that I hate or wish violence upon people that like yaoi, okay? I DO have a problem with people who look at the power imbalance and abuse and lack of consent and go "Yeah nothing wrong with that. That SA was hot." And then they look at a real life scenario and go "Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Thats in my favorite yaoi manga so no issue here.")

TLDR - Ppl who defend abuse on minors and adults, especially when the victim is a man, in fiction concern me on a deep level because I think "If they're okay consuming media on it in books and TV shows then how would react if they saw it in real life?"

Update - I do find entertainment in thrillers, dramas, etc, where the main character is in a horrible situation. Because it FITS the genre and it makes me happy when I see the main character escapes alive if the scenario gives them the option.

Like Killing Stalking. Its got more bad then good in the plot. Just like Black Butler, there's a lot of fanservice with Yoon Bum and the fans just ignore or excuse Sangwoo's abusive behavior. Overall, a pretty okay thriller with a realistic sad ending for Bum.

And then people labeled it as romance and the author seemed to encourage it on twitter and I wanted to stare into the abyss and ask

"Why is this so common?"

The answer? Its psychologically complicated. Rape fantasies are a thing and it disgusts me BUT I will not ignore the fact that victims of abuse do use this fantasy to safely explore their trauma in a way that does not actively put them in danger. They still have control over their autonomy.

I just don't understand the stories where everything turns out okay because the abuser apologized or they suddenly got nicer and they STAY nice. I get it, thats why its a fantasy but still...

All the videos I watched an hell even book reviews have led me to conclude that pretty privilege works just as well if not more for men and male victims are not taken as seriously as they should. Which leads to hurt men hurting women, and then those women hurting men. Its all a giant wheel and I really want to put a giant rock in it but I am not strong enough.

So thanks Black Butler. I'll never read you again but you did lead me down a terrifying rabbit hole

[relentlessly-tired]

Guys I'm deleting this app again.

I just binged and I hate myself so fucking much and I thought I'd feel better getting back on here and connecting with people experiencing the same shit but I dont. I just don't.

I'm so... Just so bad. Y'know can't do anything right in my own life and I can't even starve!!! I literally can't. I just eat anyway. Even tho the one thing I want. The one thing I need is to be skinny.

And I hate that!!! Why can't I be okay with who i am. Why isn't who I am okay. Why does everyone just forget about me. What's so bad about me. I try to be nice and kind and people say I am but I guess I am just fundamentally lacking as a human.

So yeah. Deleting this. Knowing me, I will probably be back soon enough lol, I can't ever escape this. Thanks everyone for just existing I feel less lonely a little. But sorry you all are suffering with this. I hope you find peace and recovery or whatever it is that you need.

I'm going to try distract myself more. I'm still as determined as ever to lose the weight, but I want to just throw myself into life first. Just think ab everything other than food, and maybe it'll work.

Fitness. School. Friends. I'll just live and maybe I'll lose the rest of the weight or maybe I'll find something else along the way and not feel the need to lose the weight. I doubt that tho, considering its been three years of actively disordered shit and probably about 10 years of mildly disordered actions w definitely disordered thoughts. I think my brain is just wrong.

At least I will not waste my time looking at fucking thinspo instead of studying. Bye (for now at least)

[immunologies]

look at my land developer dawg i’m going to jail 😫

lmao hiiii everyone! i’m anwar (not hadid) + always writing for underused model fcs but anywhooo — thank god for reopening bc i was supposed to app during the first launch but i was on vacation so my activity would’ve flopped real bad BUT… I’M HERE NOW… a lil jet lagged still but fuck it we ball :’) i present to you: iida!

navigate: general info / about / pinterest

sparknotes!

tw / suicide

okawara yosuke, 33 (proud twink death survivor btw he left that long haired era behind in his mid 20s), born and raised in fukuoka prefecture so you know he’s a bearer of the masculinized stereotype that kyushu men have but surprisingly his ego isn’t as fragile as i would expect it to be — i wonder why?

lower middle class to middle class financial status for the entirety of his childhood / it’s one of those things where as a kid you’re like “well, this is it” because you’re not fully aware that your family doesn’t have money on top of being surrounded by other kids who, in return, also come from families without bands so it is what it is / it can’t be that bad when your necessities have always been met

tbh there’s not much to write home about in terms of his childhood as in it was fortunately(?) uneventful for the most part despite starting off rocky: his mom was barely twenty when she birthed him, two freshly married young adults rushed into the hard-bitten chaos of childrearing, do they resent bro in absence of trying to enjoy the beginnings of their married life? probably, but it doesn’t matter by the time his younger brother is born, soo la voo or whatever the french be saying (tiktok reference btw if ur uncool)

yosuke is your average kyushu boy growing up: he spends his time outside rather than inside with his head in the books (it’s the same shit his teachers would always say about his lack of potential, ie: he’s lazy), has boyish fights with his younger and complete opposite of a younger brother, tries his best not to piss off his stay-at-home mom and stay away from his chronically emotionally constipated aviation mechanic drunk for a dad, you get the idea

…UNTIL the voices started to become apparent more than ever and he tells his mother who dismisses it but is reminded of her grandfather who unalived himself from alleged schizophrenia but nobody in her family knows if he ever got tested for it (y’know, if it was a genetic hereditary thing) or if it was just the aftermath of unresolved trauma/ptsd because grandpa fought in the war (you know which war) NOBODY KNOWS A GODDAMN THING. except yosuke as a child hated going to see his relatives in the far village/countryside on his mom’s hick side

lmao but when yosuke told his mom “yeah girly pop dad’s gonna have a shitty liver if he doesn’t stop drinking so much in the next couple years or so” is when she drops his ass off at a mental health facility so she definitely prioritizes her man over a kid that she wasted her 20s raising! (she’s definitely an unevolved libra no shade to yall sorry) but anywho! he’s diagnosed at 17, life is looking brighter(?), but his “schizophrenia” isn’t something talked about much at home because let’s be serious. it’s fucking abe shinzo’s japan at the time, we do not talk about shit like this

yosuke goes on to carry two jobs after high school because his parents didn’t save a college tuition fund for his lazy, non-academically inclined ass so it’s up to him to be the architect of his future / he’s psyched about entering the aviation department of kyoto university after working his ass off by trying to build a humble living but somebody’s bored and filthy rich daughter from a zainichi korean family comes into his life and what does he do? say goodbye to the ol’ pilot dream and traps this woman so he won’t ever have to worry about money like his family did

mind you he actually had love for the old girl! but he’s a gemini and gemini men get bored when you’re not their outstanding type or half as witty or clever as he may be. he knows that he’s settling for what poor lee jiyoung can do for him so after dating in college, yosuke goes on to marry the woman but never goes on to tell her about his “schizophrenia” because he’s scared that it’ll ruin his marriage (spoiler alert: it did)

so uh *scratches head and turns the page* they end up divorcing because his condition worsened as a result of his body becoming “immune” to the medications because he never had schizophrenia in the first place (ie: iida canon) — and he tried saving the relationship for the sake of his position at tk group, he really did, but at the end of the day he’s just some penniless, opportunistic man who failed to completely use up his wife’s beneficiaries. but again, he’s a gemini man who’s good at playing the part of using his “mental health” as a crutch of their failed marriage instead of being exposed for taking advantage of his ex-wife financially

(trust me he’d rather be that Type of Shitty instead of portrayed as the Exploitative Type of Shitty because it gets some pity points on his end. believe the scheme!)

so now? okawara yosuke takes up the tk group’s little passion project proposal with goero because it’s a chance at redemption. he needs to prove one way or another that he’s worthy of his job, that he’s the right man for it, his undying loyalty to the corp (questionable :3), and he’s taken the more political and diplomatic approach of gravitating/winning the trust or appeal to goero’s inhabitants instead of the founding families ‘cause his coworker’s already doing that anyways — he understands his shortcomings as a foreigner (more so as a japanese guy telling yall what to do with the land so goero can prosper financially and commodity-speaking for trade.. and commerce..) so if he can strengthen his morale to the people even if it doesn’t mean the quota won’t be met — yosuke would prefer that for the sake of ethics. he will promise the residents of goero that much: business or not.

that is all. i think. :-) i’ll be yapping for specifics on discord if needed be

personality!

likes to think of himself as an ambivert over being written off as an extrovert which is kinda true? despite being a professional yapper with those he’s suuuuper comfortable with, he finds that people who don’t match or vibe with him tire him out very quickly / genuinely a very friendly person and is emotionally inhibited probably as a result of his career where logic/numbers/analytics are concerned so yosuke prefers to focus on reason over the “possibilities” … even tho he would like to be that optimistic / isn’t one to have an extreme temper, but can be prone to outbursts if incompetence is in question / really. really. hates the notion of being black-or-white on many matters as life usually puts him in the grey area so. u know. atm doesn’t have any ulterior motives because he doesn’t have it in him anymore to be evil or whatever. he ran out of plans. just trying do the right thing from here on out, so, let him help you! bro’s probably a lawful neutral man i know i’m sorry for being boring :/ c’est la vie

connections!

i prefer brainstorming over anything and i’m down for just about everything so hit me

[andr0nap-wf]

sorry ab the lack of activity btw, im having a really rough time mentally augh

[berrystiles]

hi I’m not sure if your request are open so if not I’m very sorry!!

but I saw this TikTok https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYhkrvc8/

and now I can’t stop thinking ab if it was Steve and reader 😭 so I was wondering if you could write something like it! 🫶🏻

Hello Anon! Honestly, I don't have requests on or off because you're the first person that's ever sent me one! I loved this TikTok. It made me very emotional thinking of it for Steve and reader so I wrote a little something something. I hope you like this and I hope this is kinda what you were picturing! Thanks so much for sending this to me, and if anyone else wants to send me stuff I'm happy to do requests if it sparks inspiration!

Word count is around 1.4k, no real warnings other than just talk of nightmares and reactions to nightmares. This could be considered gender neutral I think, I didn't use any pronouns for reader. (If I'm wrong about this please let me know 🤗)

It’s only been about four days since that final day, only four days since all of Hawkins cracked open as the Upside Down attempted to merge with the real world. Four days isn’t much time, and yet it feels like an eternity since Steve got to see you for longer than ten minutes. You’ve both been pulled in different directions. You’ve been glued to hospital seats with the Sinclair’s just waiting for Max to wake up. Everyone is still holding on to hope that despite the lack of activity Max’s stubborn side will pull through and have her awake in no time. Then there’s Steve, who has been pouring himself into ensuring that Dustin is okay. Eddie’s death has been like a permanent dark cloud hanging over a normally cheery Dustin. It isn't a shock that Dustin is struggling right now, Steve just wants to make sure the kid isn't alone for too long. Steve knows what being alone too much after something like this can do for a person, and he doesn't want that for Dustin.

This is the first night the two of you are together. It’s the first night Steve hasn’t laid awake watching over and over as those vines from the Upside Down wrap themselves around you and dragged you away. It's the first night his side doesn’t ache as he relives those stupid bats tearing into his flesh. Tonight, Steve can roll over and see your sleeping face, he can reach out and instead of a cold space next to him, his hand will find you. Steve gets to fall asleep tonight surrounded by your perfume. The smell of your shampoo floods his nose, as he buries his face in your hair. The warmth of your skin feels like the soothing blanket he’s been searching for since all of this started. When Steve finally drifts off to sleep his last thought is how he finally feels like he’s at peace.

That sleep is disrupted though, your scream cuts through the night. The sound of it blood-curdling in a way Steve can’t ever remember hearing. It pierces him through the heart, and has him feeling like a bucket of cold water has just been dumped onto him. Steve’s scrambling out of bed faster than he thinks he has ever moved, hands already reaching for that bat that’s been propped beside his nightstand for the last few days. He feels on high alert, heart racing as his eyes quickly glance around the room looking for the source of your fear. It takes a minute for him to adjust to the dark, but Steve is ready to wage war against whatever has decided to come into his home and hurt you.

All he can see is his room, devoid of any evil, and yet he still feels sick. Because if nothing is physically there what if it’s Vecna again? Come to take you in your sleep like that Freddie guy Dustin once mentioned to him. Steve can fight a Demogorgon, but he can’t fight whatever creature Vecna has sent to haunt your dreams. He wonders if he should be looking for his Walkman, trying to find a tape with your favorite song to help ward away whatever is coming next.

When Steve turns to face you, he finds you sitting up. The covers have fallen into a pool around your legs. They twisted and turned in a way that looks like you were fighting them off yourself long before Steve even woke up. You’re hunched over, body shaking, and Steve watches in fear as you take in deep heaving breaths like the air just isn’t filling up your lungs. Steve feels like he won’t be able to relax until he hears you speak. So, he calls your name. His voice comes out more panicked than soft. Steve watches as you flinch, and he feels bad like maybe he is the monster here not something from the Upside Down.

It takes you a minute, or maybe it’s just a second, it all feels like time is just dragging on to Steve. Steve feels powerless again. He feels like yet again everything is just outside of his control. He hates that feeling, and he hates that it’s drifting in right now when the last thing Steve needs to worry about is how he feels. You finally find your voice, the sound of it low and hoarse in a way Steve knows your throat is just aching.

“I’m okay,” you say but Steve can’t find an ounce in himself that believes it. “It’s just a dream, I’m sorry.” Your apology is rushed at the end, and your voice cracks halfway through it. Steve worries that you’re going to start crying. Steve can’t figure out what you’re apologizing for, and he says as much.

Steve moves in closer to you, he thinks about grabbing your hand and thinks of holding you. “It’s okay,” he speaks softer this time, putting all his energy into making sure you know he’s not upset. He doesn’t reach out to you though like he wants. Like he yearns to do. You’re scared enough as it is, you don’t need him clinging to you like he’s the one that just had the nightmare.

“I- I, uh, get them too, sometimes.” Steve feels like he’s tripping over his words. He feels so unsure of what to do. He’s never had to comfort someone in this way before and has never been on the receiving end of this kind of comfort. No one has ever been here for his moments of vulnerability, not like he’s here with you now. Steve feels an immense responsibility to say the right things and make the right choices. Anything to let you know that he’s here, that he loves you. But this is just another thing that his parents failed to teach him.

You finally turn to look at him, and even though the only light in his room comes from the moonlight slipping in through the crack of his curtains he can see every inch of you. There are wet spots on your face, tracks from tears you were probably crying as he slept peacefully beside you. Steve feels like he adds another weight, this time labeled guilt to everything else he has internally gone on. Your face is paler than he’s ever seen it, but your eyes have him struggling to catch his breath.

You hold his gaze, never blinking, eyes wide as you look over him in a way that makes him feel more vulnerable than what he’s just shared with you.

“You do?” You finally say, and it sounds a little disbelieving.

“Yeah,” he matches your quiet tone, heading nodding just a bit to further confirm that despite it all Steve is just as human as you are, and sometimes just as scared.

Steve doesn’t dive into the things that haunt him at night though, instead chooses to focus on you. You whose breathing has finally slowed, and the shake that you had has gone away. Steve watches as you shiver, unsure if the room is too cold or if it’s a lingering after-effect of your nightmare.

Steve reaches out, he’s so close to you but his arm feels like it’s stretching over some great divide. His hand hovers just for a moment near your face before it moves to tuck some hair behind your ear. Just as quickly his hand is falling down and into the blankets shared between you. Steve clears his throat, thinking you probably want a minute where he’s not there hovering, and your throat he reminds himself is probably still aching.

“Let me get you some water,” Steve quickly goes to stand and shuffle out of the room.

“Steve,” you call, and your voice sounds stronger than it was at the start of all this.

When Steve turns back to you, you’ve moved slightly, like you were trying to follow him. “Will you - I mean, could you just stay with me?” Your tone drifts off at the end and Steve doesn’t even have to look to know that you’re shifting because you feel like you’ve asked too much of him. Which is impossible, there’s nothing you couldn’t ask him.

Steve doesn’t hesitate, quickly walking back to the bed. His “yeah” of confirmation coming out after he’s already taken two steps towards you.

Steve climbs back in, arms already opening up before he’s even settled in as you start to crawl into his hold. Your head rests right over his chest and Steve wonders if you can hear how loud his heart is beating. He wraps you up, one hand rubbing soothing circles on your back as the other just holds you tightly. He tips his head down just a smidge and kisses the top of your head.

“I got you,” he whispers into your hair. The two of you stay like that, silence engulfing all the space around the two of you. You don’t tell Steve how this is the safest you’ve felt in days, and Steve focuses on making sure you know he’s not letting you go until you tell him to.

[chiarrara]

This is gonna be the wildest hyperfixation blend I’ve come up with BUT hear me out: Set in the basketball au, the gang travels to Britain for a game and after winning decide to stay a few days longer. But - it’s may. And it just happens that they’re right in time for the Coopers Hill Cheese Rolling And Wake event . Gojo (thinking ab it now would he be their coach in this au? ) sees this as a perfect opportunity to celebrate their victory with a potential new one .

While it’s a lot of fun it’s also incredibly dangerous (feel like at least one of them got concussed ) and they end up getting scraped up by Geto after reaching the bottom of the hill . Honestly I do think Toge would win

(Side note Nobara lowkey reminds me of the woman who won the womens league last year despite passing out, and still said she’d come next year again. Legend behavior .)(another note I’m so sorry on my lack of knowledge on sports the only ones I know about are stuff like this. I nevertheless love this au)

So. Okay. Yeah. Okay.. I can see it, I see it.

So:

a) Shoko is actually the head coach in the basketball au. But I think Gojo was the coach of the men's team before the merge. Either he's on the coaching staff as an assistant of some kind. Or he got a promotion and works in the Athletic Director's office. Or he is the Athletic Director. idk. I think I want Nanami to be the Athletic Director??? Doesn't matter, he's around. And yes, he would suggest something like this.

b) May is definitely in the off season. Which actually makes this somehow more likely. They're in the UK for some exhibition tournament, sure why not. Couldn't do it from like Nov-Mar because they had regular season games and postseason games. Some off-season oversees marketing gimmick is definitely withing the realm of possibility.

c) This however, is an absolutely insane thing for a sports team to do. Just actively seeking out injuries that could end their season or even their career. Cost them scholarships & opportunities. Risk their teams chances at a winning season, good tournament seeding, championship titles......

and yet

I do think it's something Gojo would suggest, and I do think they would pretty much all do it. Megumi might sit out. Unless Yuuji or Yuuta convinced him. Nobara would get overly competitive with Maki as a backwards flirting attempt. Maki would play along at first, then actually get really competitive back because she hates losing. They would both try to sabotage each other and end up both loosing their footing and tumbling down the hill together.

Yuuji would try to go as fast as possible, lose his footing and absolutely face plant into a rock or a tree (I assume there's not trees on this hill. I hope there are no trees on this hill.) He re-breaks his nose.

Panda would immediately tuck and try and roll down the hill like he is a wheel of cheese, but his cheese would veer off and run into someone else, knocking them out and he would make it to the bottom without his cheese (I'm assuming this disqualifies you?)

Megumi would literally walk.

Yuuta sits out. He wants to give the others a chance to win. He came here last year and absolutely decimated everyone, stayed on his feet, not a scratch on him. But no one else on the current team was on that trip so none of them actually know this, and he doesn't want to dim anyone's shine.

And Toge wins. He just kind of, survives at a decent pace. And the dude is good on his feet, what can you say.

Geto (who is also on the coaching staff) originally thought it was a bad idea (because it is) but honestly thought it would be really funny so didn't put up much of a fight. He helps them all up at the bottom with his charismatic little smile that basically means "you're all idiots, but this was very entertaining, and watching you whine about all your aches and pains on the plane ride home will also be very funny because I will give you so much shit" and then takes Yuuji to the hospital.

This was a very funny, very bizarre scenario, ty for the ask lol

[mypimpademia]

you was just talking ab acknowledging that they're perpetuating stereotypes but imma be a hater and take it a step further so if y'all tryna have beef with anyone have it with me and go punch some drywall when i once again retaliate

those stories are LAME. as fuck. not only does it show your lack of creativity and originality (because very often the people who write it write it exclusively) but it shows you're a cheap writer who doesn't care about the source material. yeah i get it, headcanons and all, but you know the thing about headcanons? they're supposed to be adjacent to canon but created in your head. y'all im sorry but eren's a damn loser. he ain't gang banging nobody 💀 there is a point where a headcanon turns into just plain old out-of-character shit, and that is what makes ts so hard to enjoy. that's not the character you were intending to write and have people read about. that's an oc.

and this is a point others have made but i'll reiterate it for fun: it's not just the activities within the fic either. it's how you present the character themselves. the way they speak, the way they look, the way they act. y'all be serious. kirishima isn't being a cool little guy trying to become a great hero and turning around saying "aw whats the matter ma cheer up". the only nigga in mha i'd believe might actually speak like that is sero. remember him?

anyway, the fics where the characters are actually themselves are better in possibly every way. they're cuter, more versatile, more enjoyable to read in general because we can actually see ourselves interacting with the character and not italian mafia boss #2. who wouldn't enjoy watching izuku stumble because he's captivated by you in the sun and he reverts back to his stuttering ways of season one.

write something positive about black people, especially black women, for once. i implore you.

and yes i'm a minor, but i will still read you and push you around like i'm ya mama.

Heavy on that last part‼️ there’s no reason for ppl to portray black ppl in stereotypical ways esp when it’s unnecessary, and ESP if you are also a black person. And if you do, you just need to be aware at the very least🤷🏾‍♀️ Dashi don’t do nun but spit facts tbh🗣️‼️

[heystephen]

** idk if ur ok with me venting but i dont know people w bpd to relate with irl so feel free to ignore me i dont mind **

i have bpd. ive been trying to be more open about my mental health recently because for a long long time i never talked ab it to anyone and the other day i talked about it to my friend and then today she was like “me and *my name* have the same brand of mental illness” because she goes on tinder to get attention from guys and that just. made me irrationally angry. like last week i googled how to give myself appendicitis so i could both get out of work and get attention so people feel bad for me and then felt intense self loathing and guilt for it 🧍‍♀️ thats not the same to me. i wanted to scream because im so tired of how mental health talk has in some ways made people think that very normal behavior is actually “mental illness uwu” but if i bring up my mental health people actively stop being friends with me because they think im crazy (which is why i dont talk about it much)

i completely understand what you mean and your frustration. especially with bpd, it feels like people can never fully grasp the hell that we deal with mentally and emotionally on a constant basis— and it’s not for lack of trying, i’m sure that your friend really thought that she was relating to you (for better or worse), but to someone who’s never experienced bpd, it’s just impossible to understand. it’s a very isolating experience because of how intense it comes off to others who don’t understand, and i’m sorry that you’re feeling that sort of isolation right now and difficulty to relate to; your anger wasn’t irrational in that situation, like your frustration was 100% justified. sending you a gentle hug and all the understanding i can. ❤️‍🩹