#sorry I'm manic and having intrusive thoughts

[killykstudio]

Melancholia

Miguel O'Hara x Cheated on!Reader

Part 1; Part 2; Part 3;Part 4; Part 5; Part 6;

Warnings:18+, angst, depress1on, parano1a, intrusive thoughts, mention of cheating.

Summary:After spending the night at Miguel's house, you come to face an unexpected surprise.

Author's note: I just wanted to thank you for the amazing support received! I'm so happy to see someone liked it, I will try my best to not let you down! So now enjoy the new chapter!

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"muñeca!"

You jump at the endearment. You start hurriedly searching in his wardrobe for a change, the idea of being caught makes you shiver.

What would he think? Maybe he likes it and he's gonna confess his interest for me! Or he gonna think I'm a creep, pervert , a manic! Well he would be right ,but no no n-

"everything okay? I heard you calling my name"

Shit!

"Don't worry! I just heard something hitting against the floor and I've wanted to know, if you were okay"

"I see... Anyway when are you ready, come down here in the living room, I'm waiting for you" he says tenderly

A smile paints on your face.

"A few minutes and I'm ready!" You don't know why,but you felt so excited and overwhelmed by joy. He said such a common thing , but the way he said it and the place made it feel like a scene of domestic affection. Already in your head started popping up fake scenarios of what would happen when you would come down: Him smiling by just seeing you; probably he cooked breakfast and would love to share it with you; then he would be hesitant to go work and in the end would stay at home just for staying with you; he would talk about his work, what he likes and his family. Oh his family he would probably make you meet with his brother and his daughter! His daughter, god! She would love you! And he

God... I've married the wrong scientist

As you just have finished changing and hid the dirty shorts in the back of the wardrobe, immediately you start sprinting down the stairs, doing little jumps between a few steps. You can't stop smiling and overthinking about all the fake scenarios in your head, you feel it today is gonna be the change in your life

"I'm here" you jump on the last step. Eyes closed by the huge smile on your face

"So tell me Mig-

"Honey!"

As you are opening your eyes , you feel someone storming towards you and hugging you.

Eyes wide, you see Miguel a few metres in front of you with his arms crossed on his chest and an impassive expression.

"Thank God you are okay".

As every dots unite, your face becomes blank, numbs overcoming your happiness.The man hugging you comes to cup your cheeks between his hand.

It's your husband

"I was so worried" a tear starts wetting his right cheek.

"I'm sorry! to have... not seen your problems...to have made you feel alone ... to have been an asshole...To have been negligent to you... I-" he does a deep sigh "I love you" he lightly smiles and gives you a kiss on your forehand

Your face is still deadpan and immobile

"Thank God, Miguel told me everything". Your eyes widen

Miguel?

You search for his gaze, but his eyes are set to his left

Why?

You feel a sting of betrayal mixed with anger and sorrow.

Why?

"Why?" Both of them stare at you. "Why did you cheat me?"

Both of their faces are astonished. In your husband's eyes agitation is growing, In Miguel's irritation and confusion as you staring at him with eyes full of rage. He knows he did something you clearly didn't want ,but it was the right thing to do , since you were avoiding the situation.

"I mean... I didn't want you to find out in this way... It was a mistake... I stop-

"Dios Mío! Not in my house, porfavor!" Miguel says breaking eye contact with you , guilt beginning growing in his abdomen. you keep staring at him ,your eyes become even more red and you feel tears start gathering in your eyes, but you hold them back

Your question wasn't aimed at your husband.

You are acting childish and without reason , but your emotions are stronger and to help them there are all your fake scenarios.

"Yeah we were already too much of a nuisance" your husband grabs your wrist

You have to stay calm... After all he has another life... He was too caring to you... Be grateful and ap-

"FUCK OFF!" You shout.

Miguel pupils shrink and come to see you staring at him. Now he was infuriated.

"honey I'm sorry, yeah I deserve this but not now okay?" He starts dragging you towards the door.

"Bye Miguel thanks for everything, buddy" Miguel replies to your husband words with a nod meaning 'dont worry'. He passes near him, then Miguel is met by your face of disgust to which he reciprocate.

Then he hears the door slamming.

¿qué chingados?

~~~

You and your husband are in the elevator. A thick silence is dividing you two , even though he is still holding your hand. you don't repay the gesture, leaving your hand lolling.

Tears start falling , but your expression emit nothingness

All the anger and the fury replaced by nothing and bit pain as you start overthinking about everything that happened in these two days.

"Honey... your ring?"

You move your head to the hand he is holding and you see it. You have lost it, probably in the lake.

Next you finally meet his gaze. He smiles softly, frowning as feeling out for you.

The fuck?

"don't worry, honey. We will bu-"

"I want to nullify our wedding"

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Author's note: Sorry for the short chapter , but I feel if I included another plot point here, it would have been too long. Also in the next part there will be a surprise of for you all. Anyway I think at this point I will rename the main tag as"Miguel O'Hara X obsessed!Reader" , since I have some peculiar ideas for how to continue the story, so stay tuned ! Part 6 is posted!

[disabledstraydogs]

For the ask game, Lucy and Kyouka with ♿️, 🩼, ☔️, 🏳️‍🌈 and 🐶

I hope that's not too much! (and sorry about the questions being kinda out of order lol)

Hi anon! Because of the number of points here, we are just doing Lucy, but feel free to resend if you want us to do Kyouka as well!!!!

Lucy

♿️ - What is your disability headcanon for [character]? What are the main symptoms that they show? Be as specific or as vague as you want.

Okay Lucy to me has:

Schizoaffective disorder- To me her main symptoms would have disorganized behavior and speech, hallucinations, and mania/depressive episode

She also uses/used a colostomy bag- Although atp I'm unsure if I headcanon her as having it a permanently or just as a young teenager, I think it was either an infection or cancer that causes her to need one. In this post though we're going for it being permanent.

System Lucy is a headcanon we have- however currently I'm leaning towards Anne being a reoccurring hallucination rather than an alter

I don't know what exactly this would class as but due to the orphanage I think she would have something with her hands maybe a nerve or skin issue? Because I don't know what exactly I won't specify this but it's a Thing imo.

🩼 - What is their relationship like with their disability? Are they in denial? Do they fight against it? Are they at peace with their disability?

I think with her schizoaffective disorder she's very used to it, however I think she does have times where she is reluctant to (or judt doesn't) take her meds because she wants to be 'better' and 'normal'.

With her colostomy bag I think she despises it. Having been bullied for using one (despite it being necessary for her to survive) I think she just associates it with bad things and would hide it. She's very anxious to have people find out that she uses one because she doesn't want to answer any of the intrusive questions that come with it. Sometimes she struggles to change it because of this.

🐶 - Has their past affected their disability and it's formation? How?

I think this is an interesting question. In Lucy's case I think the bullying and mistreatment 100% caused (or triggered) her schizoaffective disorder. Obviously we don't know her parents so there could be a genetic element too. But I think being called a freak and so forth impacted her majorly and had her developing delusional thoughts at a young age that weren't picked up on. Also I think the nature of her ability would aid in her disorder.

I don't think there was much she could do to change the possibility of having a colostomy, although I think the orphanage could have picked up on her medical needs sooner and gotten her help that means she may not have needed one.

☔️ - What does a 'bad day' look like for them? How do they cope with this?

I think a bad day for Lucy would involve a lot of emotions and sobbing. She wants attention and reassurance but isn't sure how to ask for this. I think she would lock herself in her ability and just. be held by Anne because she feels like no one else can love her.

I think if she was in mania rather than the depression she would act incredibly impulsively, and possibly have an aggressive streak when she's manic.

For her colostomy, it causes skin irritation, and that makes her upset because it's like a permanent reminder that it's there. Also if it leaks and Lucy is in a bad place she will break down and possibly panic depending on where she is when or if she's in a bad place in general.

🏳️‍🌈 - A random headcanon about [character] and their disability

I've said this before but I think Lucy is a horror junkie, however I also think this could make her psychosis symptoms worse. The Guild have pretty much banned her from watching horror films.

For a headcanon we haven't spoken about.... Besdies Anne, I think Louisa and Atushi are the only people who have actually seen Lucy's colostomy bag. I though Louisa is the only person Lucy has let close enough to help her with changing it.

[canipetthatdeaddove]

hello there! You've certainly been busy! I hope all the activity has helped! Things are looking up for you, and your post seems to hint at positivity for you? I hope so. You deserve good things and are working hard to bring them about! Excited to read your work for TRSB, you are a wonderful author ( ps I mis magnificent centuries too - I love that Fili was warned off Kili, I just always see them wanting to be with each other; Thorin is so coniving! ) Have a comforting day, and don't let the intrusive thought take over!

(You didn't ask for this long a response but the can was opened and out came the worms. Sorry!!)

I'm sorry my post didn't hint at more positivity. I re-read it and was like DANG I sound grumpy. I know I don't need to apologize, but mainly, it wasn't my intention. I'm excited to have a moment to breathe and share with my tumblr community, but I think the accidental clipped tone is indicative of how manic and kinda scared I feel by all the amazing activity and progress that's suddenly happening. I feel wired and fried, and just keep wanting to either catch up to this pace, or for things to slow down considerably.

I am building a small jewelry business now, have a part time job, and enrolled part time in uni, still run my dog grooming business and am currently in the middle of a dog sitting gig. I've taken on the labor of providing this recovery meeting in my city in addition to attending all my commitments to my Native American sobriety group, while also very much wanting to write and balance my schedule and be a good mom.

There are so many factors at play with whether or not my day goes well or poorly, and being on a very effective weight loss med is one of them. I'm in a near constant caloric deficit, and had a health scare last month because my orthostatic blood pressure was cray-cray and I kept swooning due to a dramatic decrease in salt in my diet lololol. There was no beefy handsome stranger to catch me, and I'm lucky I was okay whenever it happened considering I was alone. I'm doing better this month. Normal blood pressure stats in my appt this week.

So I am thrilled that my life is going the way it is after so many depressing years in addiction and unhappiness, but, it's like... I have not been conditioned to operate at this level of socializing and what have you for over 15 years. I'm very afraid of messing it all up. I wish I would quit it, lol. I am just so fucking MUCH of a person (not flexing, I'm straight up complaining). But it's nice to kinda have that come back to life. I did a pretty effective job of killing the real me for a while. Real me is a lot. Which ya'll know.

And I shouldn't project negativity about my TRSB submission. I got in the way of me having as much fun with it as I should have, and I'm the only one already assuming my exchange partner will feel slighted or the rare pair's fandom will hiss at me and my submission like snakes. I'll practice better mindfulness with the next FiKi thingy I signed up for (because I Just. Can't. Quit.).

Thank you for being excited for my things!!! I'm looking forward to posting my edits of TMC and getting the next chapter out before the end of the year. I want another chapter for House of Rivia before the end of the year as well. Hopefully those aren't completely crazy goals. It means so much to know folks are still engaged despite my absence.

Thanks so much for the encouragement. 🥹

[lokilysolbitch]

i do like to think about gen z from the outside and like what gen alpha would make fun of gen z for actually. and i see gen z posts going "gen alpha won't have anything to make fun of plus for except 2020 tiktok. were normal were cool" WRONG we're gonna get made fun of for:

silly little guy

in my ____ era

that's so _____ core/coded

little treat

fnaf

they might come after the tiktok "alt" style idk.

how anything serious becomes a joke ("i have severe trauma😝" type humor. we're gonna get called unfunny for sure)

doing transitions too much on tiktok

bestie/slay/it's giving/etc

any misused and overused aave actually. but i feel like nonblack gen alpha would also wildly misuse aave and have a superiority complex over gen z. they're already sticking out their gyat for the rizzler. i also think they'd make fun of black gen z for using it right bc it's "old slang" even though. it's. it's our (black ppls) slang. this pattern isn't new tho

if gen z catches gen alpha making fun of us and comments shit like "oh !" or "this is the original" or something like that it's gonna come off like millennials saying the "you called me a bitch? well a bitch is a female dog and dogs bark and--" thing

hmm not sure if gen alpha would break the "misused mental health terms" cycle or just join it. but if they join it maybe they'll take from DID terms. like "every friend group has the social protector, the caretaker, the trauma holder" or something. i'm just following the pattern that the popular misused mental health terms are getting more niche bc it went from depressed, to intrusive thoughts, to manic, to delulu, etc.

gen z is very clownable sorry. not all of these things are bad but they definitely can all be made fun of by future high schoolers. (also don't misuse terms and then make fun of people who were using those terms genuinely before you)

[mudblccd]

𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 ⎯⎯⎯⎯ the moment he mentions being unharmed , hand is place over chest as an involuntarily sigh of relief passes lips , the sharp spike of adrenaline continues to pump thought blood ( FEELING the way veins tighten and constrict in the centre of wrists , blood rushing around ears uncomfortably ) now having no place to really put it , it's an uncomfortable sensation , the half asleep state that once lingered now replaced with a near manic bout of energy ❛ no , no don't be sorry for anything , i'm just ⎯ i'm just glad you're okay , you scared the shit out of me for a second . ❜ a small smile gracing lips once brain calms down enough to find the words , ones that were genuine , real ; she doesn't care about the sudden intrusion , peyton LIVED by the self given open door policy ; it was im͟p͟o͟r͟t͟a͟n͟t to her , should someone need help , SHE WANTS PEOPLE TO ASK HER . though , granted , it doesn't make the all too sudden , incredibly jarring late night ( morning ? ) house call ⎯ she'll get over it in a few minutes .

it's then that the correction sinks in , a moment of recollection , a flash of apology ; old habits die hard ; she misses him seeing around the castle , his absence noticeable in more ways than one ⎯ not only was his leaving the loss of a brilliant teacher , a dark arts professor that cared , that wasn't a total freak . ❛ right , sorry ⎯ then just ⎯ peyton for me . ❜ as she speaks , it seems the adrenaline chooses for her what to do with the bundle of energy ; mind drawn back to her previous work that was littering the main room , slinking further into the living room and beginning to , at least attempt to make it look less like a study and more like a living space , picking up the scattered papers and creating more organised piles , plucking the floating pen and parchment in the air and placing it down on the cabinet .

seeing him struggle to ask what it is he wants / WHY HE'S HERE , peyton wordlessly gestures to the sofa once more , a final offered hand to make himself at home ❛ before we get into the whole ❜ another hand wave in his direction , the smile now more assured , her dimples slightly on display ❛ whatever this is . why don't i make you a brew ? or coffee . . . or something stronger , you look like you need it . ❜

guilt tore at his very innards . a writhing pitiful animal that saw his need && want && desire for even just a morsel of help && then raged against it , ripping && tearing at the very centre of him till he felt nauseous at the mere thought . he had watched his own family SUCCUMB to the very heartache of helping him . watched his own mothers heart grow weaker && more strained as every full moon came to pass . watched his father lose his respectability && his position within the ministry . his condition had forced them into poverty && heartache . && it was not just his mother && father -- but sirius && james too . his lycanthropy had been the spark that had ignited a painful ending for everyone . by merely FORGETTING his potion , he had facilitated in wormtails' escape && had once again put sirius on the run instead of clearing his name . && the guilt ran through him like a POISONOUS WELT . he could not ask this . he could not expect this .

but what else was there ? what else could he do ?

he was exhausted . his pay from hogwarts now gone as he had tried to shift old debts && settle things to ensure that he no longer owed anyone anything . but it had once again left him in ruin . with NO income , he had nothing to eat . && he no longer had a house as the landlord had enough of missed payments . so once again , remus had to rely on the KINDNESS of others , just to stay afloat .

he had not even EXPECTED her to answer . it was unbearably late at night && she had every right to assume that he was some false intruder . some menace here to hurt her . it would have been his own inclination . indeed he might not have even opened the door .

but there she was , standing there looking tired , but ultimately sympathetic .

holding onto his cane , remus leaned forward , trying his best not to collapse in on himself . ❝ i'm terribly sorry miss palmer , ❞ he said quietly , voice hoarse . ❝ i did not know WHOM to turn to for assistance . ❞

his head dipped . professor . oh he wished he still was . ❝ remus is fine , ❞ he informed her . ❝ thank you , thank you . ❞ he gingerly limped into the corridor , his expression sad && exhausted . knowing he probably looked like a kicked puppy .

❝ my leg hurts , but that is the usual - i'm otherwise UNARMED . i am merely at my wits end --- i have no one to turn to && i hoped ... i was hoping ... ❞ he let out a small sigh && shake of his head . ❝ i am sorry for the intrusion . ❞ he did not take the sofa indicated to him , trying to remain standing .

[reserwrekt]

One of the things I kind of like saying but it really, REALLY pisses neurotypical people off- is "it's just a piece of paper."

Stupid laws? Piece of paper. The Constitution? Piece of paper. Money? Paper. Marriage certificate? Piece of paper. Any contract, degree, ect is a piece of paper. Your value you place on the paper is just that- your value of a piece of paper.

[ageless-soul-au]

I think you've mentioned in a few places that Legend has bipolar disorder. What all does that mean for him? /gq

(Sorry if you've already received asks about it, the search function of Tumblr is not very good. Also, sorry if that's an outdated or incorrect term for it, I don't know a whole lot about it in general ^^;)

ur okay, dw!! I (Kio) will put the answer under a cut for anyone who doesn't wanna read about it (but maybe you'll understand some of legend's issues a little more if you do)

cw for personal experiences, medication mention, manic/depressive symptoms, etc

honestly i'm just trying to base legend's bipolar on my having bipolar depression once upon a time. see, bipolar is caused by chemical imbalances, so in modern day you'd take mood stabilizers for it like lithium. legend doesn't have that (or if there's some way to treat it in the zelda universe he doesn't know what it is) so he's just gotta Suffer.

bipolar is characterized by a cycle of manic and depressive episodes. one leads into the other and unmedicated there's basically no escaping it unless your body decides to un-fuck itself magically. which... kinda happened to me so it's not impossible but i never had bipolar disorder straight up i don't think.

everyone presents symptoms differently with different degrees of severity but here's a little thing i pulled off of google that i keep in mind while writing because it's helpful to have something on hand so you don't forget.

so what i experienced had a slow buildup of mania over the course of a week, and it really wasn't that bad, more like i'd talk really fast and was hyper and bubbly. then there was a depressive crash that lasted about a day. this cycle happened pretty consistently.

here are the notes I have on legend tho, since his is more severe and worsened/triggered by trauma and stress:

manic: shaky, struggling to focus, voices/hallucinations, agitated/hostile, racing thoughts, impulsive, can't sleep, talking faster/more than usual, wants to stim more than usual (not always good stimming)

depressive: quiet, tired, low social battery, withdrawn/distant, intrusive thoughts, likely to find a quiet place to cry by himself if he can't ask for help/comfort (he really needs a hug)

so these episodes will happen every so often and ravio is used to dealing with them and helping legend through them, trying to make life easy for him during the week or so that it lasts. but this isn't something that he's wanted to "burden" the chain with so he's been suppressing it and trying to deal with it on his own where he can hide it, and wars has just now realized that this has been a thing legend's been experiencing, and several times he's seen it and not known exactly what it was, just that legend was going through it atm

that's basically it! it's just something he lives with and has to go through. honestly i hope i'm writing it correctly because, like i said, i had a very different experience. but based on what i've read and a few other people i've talked to that have bipolar disorder and adjacent things, this is what i pieced together for legend bc it felt like it fit him.

thank you for reading all this! i encourage you to read up on it online if you wanna know more. everyone experiences it differently!

-Kio

[animentality]

Sometimes I get tired of the Tumblr tiptoe around everything

Tumblr culture revolves around restraint and trying to never hurt anyone's feelings ever, even if it means not telling them something they need to know, or saying something ugly that's simply true and needs to be addressed and analyzed as such.

Sometimes I just can't stand the constant deluge of people trying to be saints and moral advocates for everything ever because it's overwhelming to have "internet activists" out here waving their pamphlets and catchy slogans and snarky liberal one liners at all times, trying to get your attention.

If you reblog this post about women's rights, every woman everywhere will get rights.

Oh please reblog this post, I'm a trans woman of color and I need to make a point to my dad.

Please donate to my GoFundMe, I poorly managed my funds this month and I'm poor and I really need the help, capitalism suuucks!

Like there are elements of Truth in all of these things.

But there are also people who are fucking stupid.

People who use their claimed labels as some kind of boon against criticism and honesty.

I personally hate any post that asks for money, even the worst of sob stories.

Because I don't send money to people I don't know, because I don't have enough inherent trust in people to believe every sad story they tell me while inching towards my wallet.

You really can't know their sad story is the truth, and you just hope it is.

But you don't know.

And even if it is true, well, I'm not a catholic anymore and I don't think much of that starfish story.

You'll find your own solutions to problems in your own life.

And if you don't, I'm sorry. This world is terrible.

But there are always personal failures that contribute to the situation you're in.

Tactical mistakes.

And I

So many of you have this imagined world where being a "good person" is universal and people simply choose to be bad people and that element of choice makes others irredeemably bad.

It's fucking exhausting.

Trying to keep up with the "who can be more progressive" race.

Sometimes I can't stand overly PC culture because there's so much more substance to the human experience than this new societal fear of stepping on someone else's toes and being branded a racist for it.

It's rooted in a lack of knowledge a lot of the time, which is the most frustrating part.

White people are PC because if they say something offensive due to actual ignorance, and not just being a dick who makes no attempt, then they'll be branded a racist forever.

Not because they believe in racial equality but because racism became a kind of moral game for them.

Because racism is no longer in vogue, nor publicly anyway.

We no longer say race is a biological fact.

Now we say it's cultural, and that makes it easier for white people to ignore and dismiss.

It also makes racism more hidden.

And that's why I really dislike PC culture. It's really just an excuse.

It's another form of hiding the ugly truth about racial relations, it's being afraid of admitting how ugly and bizarre human thoughts are.

Let people say how they truly feel in the way they want to so we can fucking address it.

Letting people stew with their shitty ass opinions and non PC thoughts is what drives them to form their little asshole white supremacy websites.

I mean.

I have manic depressive highs and lows and have been struggling with it for three years.

It's only recently become really bad, though.

And it comes with a lot of intrusive thoughts and annoying banging.

I find myself often thinking about how humans cling to this moral order they've constructed, this universal, "natural" hierarchy of very good and very bad.

Because where's my head at?

It's usually in a swamp somewhere, rotting away and fixating on anything that upsets me.

And where does it lead me?

Into a cesspit of human emotions and raw feelings with no consideration for what's acceptable to say in the liberal community and what's not.

So yes I just get plain sick of Tumblr culture.

The "call outs," the PSAs, the "you're so valid, we all love each other" fake positivity.

"you matter, you're so special, every one of us is special, keep working and you'll achieve your dreams, all positive vibes :)))))," am I the only one who gets sick of that?

Maybe it's just mental illness making me bitter, but maybe it's my personality that just instinctively dislikes this clean "enlightened" form of humanity from time to time.

It's a little uncanny valley for me.

Like you're all smiling at me so hard your lips are curling on your teeth.

And any second you're going to snap and spring at me and catch my throat with your canines.

It's unsettling for me, but perhaps that's my paranoia.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe the rest of you feel completely mentally healthy and not fucked up, and the positivity helps or something.

But for me personally.

Well my medicine seems to be honesty and something harsh. Something ugly and raw and realistic and sour, but just passionate enough to drag me away from self imposed isolation.

It's why I've been praying for a movie that accurately represents my intrusive thoughts and the real inherent love for contradictions and ugliness that humans wish they could deny.

But I've yet to get it.

And here on Tumblr, I've yet to find anyone who says what needs to be said.

[beautifullychaoticworld-blog]

I might have a pituitary tumor and was just wondering what treatment looked like for you?

Were you diagnosed with it?

I was put on a medication called cabergoline (there are others but cabergoline works best), however it had really strong side effects which last for a long time (3 years for me) until I got adjusted to it. I take two halves of the pill twice a week so it brings my prolactin levels back to normal levels and shrinks the tumor, instead of getting surgery done.

I was put on an antidepressant Citalopram (helps with depression and anxiety) to go with the side effects of cabergoline which I stopped after a year or something (it actually helped to slow to down my racing and intrusive negative thoughts). I remember going to a counselor in the beginning (since a pituitary tumor is close to the brain it affects your mental health a bit but I didn't even expect I had a tumor close to the brain when I first went but it was found by my doctor soon after I started going to a counselor) and the counselor said I needed CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) or talk therapy which I never went on to try. The funny thing is that cabergoline side effects were making me manic and bipolar for a quite a bit, also highly energetic... I even remember hallucinating and having delusions in the beginning of drinking cabergoline... and I had seizures as if I have epilepsy... 

I get an MRI scan done once a year or even less to measure if the tumor is shrinking or if it's there at all before being put on cabergoline.

I get blood tests done for my prolactin and TSH levels (they found that my TSH levels in my thyroid were too high but it wasn't as damaging as having high prolactin levels) every 3 to 6 months. I take Levothyroxine for my TSH levels.

When I see my endocrinologist she checks my thyroid and weight as well. She asks if my mental health is okay too and if I'm getting regular periods now (since high prolactin levels causes you to lose your menstrual cycle for years and it lowers your libido). I had very big problems with weight gain from prolactinoma but it seems like I have a yo-yo effect (when I lose weight I gain it back). I go to the gym to stay in shape and shake off all the energy that cabergoline gave me but still find it hard to lose weight.

According to my endo I can go and get pregnant now since prolactinoma makes people infertile and have a lack of libido but due to being unlucky in love, I don't have a stable partner so I find myself engaging in risky casual sex instead while on cabergoline (sorry if it's a bit TMI but your sex drive is part of the medical condition and treatment)... However she has prescribed me birth control (Jazz) that goes with my medication if I don't wanna get pregnant. My endo tells me if I need to prolong my intake of cabergoline...

If I get pregnant I have to stop the medication because it harms the baby, but maybe the tumor could grow back... some women on social media that I followed said that after childbirth (they are married unlike me), the tumor grew back : (

I was told that a pregnant woman shouldn’t be sick during her pregnancy and shouldn’t be on medication because of the damage to the unborn baby and to the mother’s health... she should be healthy when she is pregnant and giving birth... unless you were really trying to get pregnant... but I would advise people to not risk the mother and the baby’s health at once.

Edit: I also used to go get a few echocardiograms for the heart, to check if cabergoline side effects were affecting my heart valves badly. Considered going to a neurologist but me and my family thought it wasn’t necessary. Consulted with a neuro-surgeon about getting surgery done... They check my eyesight sometimes because it could cause losing your vision.

That's all I can think of for now in terms of my treatment. I don’t need brain surgery for this as it's not big enough (they cut it out with an endoscope that they put through the nose and it looks similar to having a lobotomy done...) I heard that after surgery it could grow back too so it seems like it's best for me to be on the medication to shrink it and lower my prolactin levels. Maybe will be on it for life.

[cheetahleopard]

!!! This! I'm schizoaffective bipolar type and I've been completely ignored and had everything brushed off as anxiety! It's gotten to the point that I went in to a cardiologist and was told that "managing your anxiety is recommended" to make whatever is happening worse because I was put on a take-as-needed anxiety medication 3 years ago that I only took once! (It was prescribed because I took it that once- I was manic and experiencing catatonia in a mental hospital rocking back and forth for hours in front of the nurse's station and they gave me it and when I asked what it was they said "it'll help you sleep") (I'm still pissed about it bc I thought it was genuinely like melatonin or smth and they didn't tell me it was anxiety medication which. Illegal)

I tried to switch antipsychotics and my psychiatrist said "I didn't know you experience hallucinations" even though it's half of what I talked about everytime I saw her because she brushed it off as anxiety-induced intrusive thoughts! She completely would brush off all of my mood symptoms as being high-strung nervous! When I first started to see her I was having daily panic attacks and so even though I hadn't had one for years and have said as much she'd still ask every time I saw her if I was having fewer panic attacks! She wouldn't have treated my mood symptoms at all if I hadn't requested an antipsychotic! Which is also a mood stabilizer!

(I have a different psychiatrist now)

Argh sorry for the rant this just hit ya know

Not to be a shit head on main but really am getting tired of specific posts made by bipolars for other bipolars getting hijacked by people starting their replies off with "I have depression and anxiety" 👁️👄👁️ on god understand that these experiences are different Blease Your Foot Is So Far In Your Mouth