#sorry I'm aro and my girlfriend isn't

[aromanticannibal]

what if ochako is aromantic and that's why everything always feels so wrong and why she isn't sure what she feels for himiko but she knows she wants to be with her and that's why the only thing she can manage to say is how her smile is beautiful and how she'll give her blood for the rest of her life and how she envies her (because she can fall in love and ochako can't and she always feels like soemthings wrong with her)

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! If you don't mind, this is half a vent and half an ask both to you and to your followers who have had some experience?

I feel like I want certain aspects of a romantic relationship, the idea of having someone "special" is very appealing. Especially since I find myself falling in the trap of romance tropes, and I really do feel that I want to find that one person who I'd feel safe being physically close with, and not just because I turn my brain off to suffer through it but to actually enjoy it.

I know that I'm rather attracted to men, in theory at least, but whenever there's even remotely a thought in my brain that a polite conversation may turn into something more I get nervous, kinda in a bad way. I feel like I want to put a barrier in and I'm afraid they'll be reading into my behaviour too much. It makes me feel as if I like to play pretend in my head but I'm too much of a coward when real life gets involved.

I've been identifying as ace for years now, and I just turned 24. No experience in the dating department, I've been slowly making my way to accepting being at least arospec as well, possibly just aro, but for some reason it's been so much harder for me. Asexuality just clicked. This I think I may be fighting because the idea of a relationship seems too nice to give up and I've already had a bad experience with an extremely undernegotiated QPR (ended quickly but left a bitter taste nevertheless).

I just wish I could not think about it? But I also feel like the societal expectations of romantic attraction are much more pressing than sexual one. I don't want to lead anyone on, and I don't want to feel this little bit of dread whenever I have a conversation with a guy who I know doesn't have a girlfriend. That's another sign of being aro, right? Being able to be comfortable only when the possibility of the other party wanting you romantically is non-existent.

Sorry for this being so long. Thank you for listening, either way.

Romance definitely has a hard to explain quality to it, and I think that can make it questioning if you're aro especially tricky. It is possible that anxiety you're feeling when a situation could turn romantic is a form of repulsion. It's not uncommon for romance repulsion to feel more like anxiety or nervousness, and for people feel like wanting to go and hide. Alloromantic people can be nervous too sometimes, but it usually comes with a feeling of anticipation and still being drawn to the other person. Or they will usually have either trouble with anxiety in other areas, or issues with romance (romance related trauma for example). Sometimes it can be tricky to know exactly what it is, but if the stuff below doesn't sound like you at all, than repulsion is a likely explanation.

The other thing I would point is that fully alloromantic people often have people in real life they are experience a romantic pull towards, who they really want to be in a romantic relationship with. And if you're not experiencing that, that could also be a strong sign of being aromantic.

Being aromantic, and even romance repulsed, if you are, does not mean you can't have a very important person in your life. I know you mentioned a QPR that didn't go well, and it's up to you if that's something you ever want to try again, but even if you don't. remember that deep bonds can come in all forms of relationships. All types of relationships, including friendships, familial relationships, etc. have the potential to be very special of very deep if you end up connecting to someone in the right way. So whatever path you choose to take, don't feel like this isn't possible.

I'll throw this out followers too if anyone wants to share their own thoughts or advice.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

I think that the complaints about Vickie are less "she is too similar to Robin" (bc girl literally had half a scene of screentime. we have no idea who she is.) and more "once again there are only two (2) explicitly queers in the show (I will always be a Will should've come out to Jonathan truther) so of course they will be forced together".

She was only barely introduced. It feels a lot like the only reason she exists is so Robin can be with someone. The Duffers already have problems dealing with their current (pretty big) cast, it does not bode well for Vickie's characterisation tbh (I'm sorry, I love him as much as the next person. But Argyle's one (1) personality trait is literally. Weed. So it doesn't seem improbable that Vickie's one (1) personality trait would be becoming Robin's girlfriend. Which would suck for obvious reasons. Also, like. They are already infamous for their treatment of queer(-coded) characters)

It would also take away from stobin time, which is an already established dynamic everyone (if you don't you are simply factually incorrect sorry not sorry) loves. The cast is huge, the Duffers will have to pick and choose who they want to focus on, and it seems way more probable that those will be the established mcs (Will & El especially) and not Robin's side-character love interest. I mean, it would honestly be bad storytelling if they did that in the last season.

Especially since the straight romances are so good. Lumax? Absolute banger. The early Stancy development? So good. Jancy? Pretty sure there's a poll out there about how they are one of the most well-liked couples. Mileven? Multiple seasons establishing groundwork before they even get together. To have Vickie not even be a character before she is thrown into a relationship with the only lesbian feels a bit like a slap in the face. Like, at least Steve had a bunch of character development after the breakup but that can't happen with Vickie because it's the last season and they really have other stuff to worry about 😪 Like, idk, at least everyone else had a choice, which is part of what makes those romances so impactful (lumax, jancy, etc etc), while Robin - on the count of being a lesbian and Vickie being the only other sapphic character - really.....doesn't.

(Plus maybe it's the aro in me speaking, but I found it kinda cool to have a canonically queer character whose story arc is not completely focused on romance for once)

I also think this part of the reason why ronance got so big. Nancy already *is* her own person. Nobody can look at Nancy and say "her only personality is being queer" or "she's only here so Robin doesn't end up alone because we obviously need to pair everyone off somehow". A relationship between them would be another facette of their development, not the one thing that defines them. (Like. Her being bi is literally the only reason Vickie is even in the season. Sorry not sorry.)

But I mean. The season isn't out. We barely saw the two interact. My expectations are already below ground level. Maybe they will surprise me.

[aro-absol]

My Aro playlist (the perfect soundtrack for ASAW!)

A while ago I made an aro playlist that I keep adding songs on. It's on an account that I don't feel comfortable sharing but I thought I could tell y'all what songs are on it because aro songs are not easy to find. So here you go.

Note: this playlist is tailored to my personal music taste. It's mostly pop. I know there are more out there (Cavetown) but these are the songs I like to listen to. Besides, you might interpret these songs differently. They were clearly not written to be aromantic songs but they sound pretty aro to me ( but obviously you don't have to agree).

I tried to sort them into categories (at least roughly) so can find songs you relate to better.

I used an alien emoji to mark the songs containing internalized arophobia (in my opinion) if you want to avoid those.

Enjoy!

Being happy about being aro/not feeling romantic attraction:

Never been in love - Will Jay

Curse - Emily Burns

Zero feelings - Zoe Clark

Being somebody's crush but you can't reciprocate:

Sorry - Halsey

I wanna love you but I don't - Ben Platt

I won't - H.E.R.

Crush - Glades

FRIENDS - Marshmello, Anne-Marie

I don't know - Gabe Bondoc

Idle Worship - Paramore

I help you hate me - Sunrise Avenue

Dating someone but turns out dating isn't for you:

Bad liar - Imagine Dragons

Liked you better - Good problem, Boy in space

Turning out pt. ii - AJR

Psychofreak - Camila Cabello, Willow 👽

Someone else - ClockClock

I wasn't made to fall in love - Miko 👽

For when the Romance Repulsion hits:

Crush Culture - Conan Gray

I'm so tired... - Lauv, Troye Sivan

Never Fall in love - Jack Antonoff, MØ

Romance is boring - Los Campesinos!

Love is for losers - The Longshot

Don't fall in love - Danko Jones

This fall - The Duhks

Romantic - Hooverphonic

Being happily single:

Good thing - Zedd, Khelani

Soulmate - Lizzo

No - Meghan Trainor

It's not you it's me - Bea Miller

I don't wanna be in love (dance floor anthem) - Good Charlotte

I just wanna be single - Brika

Me, Myself and I - Blonde, Bryn Christopher

Dating myself - sad alex

Aroallo anthems (sex mentions):

Not a love song - bülow

Leave before you love me - Marshmello, Jonas Brothers

What's love gotta do with that - Tina Turner

Extra Agenda - Claudia Valentina

Thief - Ansel Elgort 👽

Girlfriend - Bea Miller

Animal - Sir Chloe

Best Friend - The Weeknd

Yuck - Charli XCX

Cupioromantic anthems:

Hopeless Romantic - Sam Fischer 👽

People watching - Conan Gray

Love like that - Lauv

Love love love - Of Monsters and men 👽

High Definition - Waterparks

"No it's not romantic":

Despair - Leo.

Not a love song - Austin Moon

Not wanting to fall in love:

I don't wanna fall in love - Addison Grace

I don't need love - Niic

I don't want love - The Antlers

No lover - Jetty Bones

Your friend is dating someone that is bad for them and you're just *facepalms*

Devil doesn't Bargain - Alec Benjamin

Snap out of it - Arctic Monkeys

No Romeo - Dylan

Third Wheel - Zoe Wees

Aro songs I couldn't really sort in any of those categories but are still dope:

Mad at Disney - Salem Ilese

Turning out - AJR

Loveless girl - Pale Waves 👽

I've never written a song about a boy - Eva Westphal

[growling]

you know i do not think about whether i may or may not be somewhere on the aro spectrum or whatever that often, partially because it's significantly harder to look for something that isn't there as opposed to "would you fuck the male human specimen (yes/no/depends)" do you get what I mean did I say something. But also can somebody explain what the fuck does "romantic attraction" entail. I swear everybody has a different definition. It's like. Where do I even start like I think I would want a relationship or something that'd be poggers can you give me like 2 girlfriends I can keep in my house and let them run around freely and do stuff but like the only requirements would be that you're a close friend beforehand. Like where does the line between friend and partner start aside from like just what I call you. Growing up I always thought romance is just the Advanced Friendship + Fornication permit ig but obviously that's wrong since people frequently marry people they fucking hate and would never hang out willingly unless they were sucking and fucking or discussing who owes eachother more money. Actually hold on how is friendship different from romance exactly can you explain like I'm 5. Describe romantic feeling and how exactly is it different from platonic. How the fuck is a crush/infatuation different from just really liking somebody/their attention and being fixated on them in a pal kinda way like I don't think I'm "in love" with anyone I've ever . Nevermind actually. People say "friends cannot have sex that's immoral and perverse ONLY touch your current one (1) true love or else you're blurring the line between friendship and romance thus leading them or whatever the fuck" and I do NOT get it <3 I would in fact prefer to ONLY fuck my friends (because I actually would know them. lmao) if they're also cool with it as a beloved and cherished bestie bonding activity, for fun, or perhaps even competitively. Recently I fucking realized (took literal ages) that when people say they have a "crush"/are "in love" with a celebrity they never met in their entire life they don't mean they admire them, think they're beautiful or engaging in a bit, they mean they are literally straight up romantically attracted in-love with them what the hell. The information you don't even need to KNOW somebody to want a romantic relationship with them (and I'm not talking sexual I mean just purely romantic. I could mayybe get the sexual one but personally I'd never do that with a tv man. or is that hypocritical of me) fucking changes everything because then that means it's entirely separate from friendship in that you don't have to get to know the guy even I grrrhgghgrrrhhh. I'm literally shaking, Jesse what the fuck are you talking about what do you MEAN what does ANY of this mean. Are you lying to me is everyone just doing this for shits and giggles what the fuck. I wasn't so ffucking feeling strongly about this subject when I started typing this out but now I DEMAND an explanation maybe perhaps a powerpoint presentation up until I deduce what does it mean to be romantically attracted to something I won't be able to debate on whether or not I'm capable of it. Anybody want to count every instance of "romantic" I typed out in this wall of text sorry there is not another word . Damn

[invisiblegarters]

23.5 Episode 9

Last week: sapphic teachers, Aylin and Luna being adorable and confessing in morse code, kisses!

I dunno man. Eight hours a day could mean that we work two of them. I feel like I could handle that.

I say this every episode, but Sun and Ongsa really are cute.

Latte is still best dog.

I would snatch up the chance to do an exchange program if I were Ongsa. I did not have the opportunity as a teen but man, that would have been so great.

Oh Aylin. I love her. Those awkward smiles i'm dying.

Ongsa absolutely can't ride a bike.

I am so glad that Sun decided to start with a bicycle instead of a scooter.

Okay I know they gotta do their advertising thing so I'm not gonna say a word about the makeup ad. I'm not.

Okay one thing: I do think it's cute that Aylin wants to look cute for Luna. Not that she need the makeup for that, but you know.

Hahaha Sun I love you. I love that she's like "well my girlfriend moves faster than you two, I'm so lucky."

...is that not how it went?

Aw poor Alpha. I bet she feels so out of the loop.

I do love how concerned they all are for her. This show is so damn cute and lovely.

I'm sorry but can they just keep putting Ciize in those sleeveless shirts? Please? For me?

Aw that advice was good.

Okay this looks like an intervention though.

Dammit, Alpha! What did your teachers just tell you? Although to be fair I get her feeling cornered.

Oh my gosh this girl is so cute. Is she making octupi out of the sausages? ADORABLE.

Aw this family stuff is so great.

LOL okay this is hilarious. I think it's great Ongsa isn't going to have more time than one day to prepare. Girl is gonna stress herself into a heart attack if she gets any more time.

Ton is killing me with the second hand embarrassment my god. I am beginning to think that he only wants what he can't have. Or that he deliberately pursues girls that he knows aren't gonna ever take him seriously. I read a theory that he might be ace (or aro, or both) and my goodness I'd love that but I'm trying not to get my hopes up because I still feel like TonCharoen is gonna happen.

Welp that went well. I don't think Ton was being malicious because he's just not that type, but also Aylin just isn't comfortable. I don't think that Luna is in the wrong to want her to open up to her friends a little, but poor Aylin must feel so pushed.

Although a part of me does wonder if part of Aylin's thing is that she does want friends, but she's so used to being treated like shit for just being herself that she's ultimately decided not trying at all is better.

Oh hey this is very sensual for this show. Good for them!

I'm sorry I just got all caught up in my Aylin feelings again. She's hands down my favorite, I feel for her so much.

Next week: MORE NIDA AND BAMBAM. Bambam please get hit with a clue by four before this show is over I am begging you.

[oh-hools]

11, 40

perspective on romance from someone's who's aro, that sounds interesting, also bad habits

sorry if I'm nosy these two just caught my attention

11. what do you consider to be romance?

Romance i guess is a form of intimacy that both parties consider and agree to be romantic. swhat you and who youre with call romance that ultimately is romance. not the hottest take on the gay people website but like. youknowwwwwwww. intimacy can go under a handful of different labels but i think defaulting all Elevated forms quote unquote under romance is lame and not fun. not the hottest take. i ❤️ my girlfriend and i ❤️ the word girlfriend but strictly defining our relationship as romantic (period) weve found isn't the right fit. & were both on the aro spectrum so its been a lot easier to talk about that. but yes just intimacy in any directionLabelForm should be valued forever. not the hottest take. but its real and ive been feeling it.

40. any bad habits?

i m really bad at measuring time. im soorrryyyyyyyy. im trying to get better. it usually isnt a big deal if im late to classes but when i mismeasure time to like hangout w friends i feel guilyyyyyy. but its bound to happen. myaaoww

[faithdeans]

hi, it's ace anon <3

i'm just kind of weird feeling right now because like, i like the idea of romance, i think it's cute, i just don't think it's for me, or if it is, it's gotta be somebody i havent met yet. so that would make me aro or demiromantic, which is cool, and i'm fine with that, i just,

i'm visiting my cousin and his girlfriend of three years and she's so nice and they're so sweet together and i think they're going to get engaged soon based on how my cousin is acting, and it kinda makes me sad to think that i've never met anybody who would ever make me feel like the way they feel with each other. i feel so on the outside and i'm so happy for them, i am, and i'm so excited she's going to be part of our family.

it's just that the way their relationship works and how happy they make each other would never work for me. i realize i'm a different person than them with different boundaries, but looking at them so in love reminds me of how uncomfortable i would be if someone did that to me and also of how awesome love can be, so it's just a sucky feeling.

sorry if this bummed you out, i love you and you really helped me last time, so i'm like praying you have advice for how to not feel sad?

-ace anon

hiiii aceanon!

100% understand how you're feeling rn. when i realised i was aro, i definitely went through a kind of grieving process over it. very much thinking 1) there is something wrong with me and 2) i'm never gonna have that. i don't even think i want that but i'm never gonna have that.

it's like a whole world you can see and have to come to terms with missing out on and it's hard and it's painful. (at least it was for me)

i was actually talking about this yesterday and it's like, i feel like a hopeless romantic still. like i still crave that closeness and honestly some relationshipy things but. it's not romantic for me. it's more like a bond or a trust or just an understanding.

the thing i found the most helpful was romanticising the fuck out of my friendships. idk if you've seen the way i talk to the people i'm closest with on here but it helps so much. we're stargazing together. we're napping together. we're writing each other love letters and poems and getting fake married. it's beautiful and it's so joyful.

i try to bask in the love i can feel rather than mourn the love that i can't.

and you know i still get blushy and butterflies sometimes, when people are particularly sweet or kind. sometimes it feels like little platonic crushes! (and i know that's "all" they are, bc if someone actually told me they felt romatically towards me i'd be pretty uncomfortable yknow?)

also like, if you want a qpr or a partner in the future just maybe take some time and think about how you'd like that to look for you! i can promise you, you will find other people like that, especially with the internet.

honestly realising i'm aro has opened me up so much more to love because i'm not watering down my affections for my friends in fear that it might look romantic. they know i'm aroace, they know i'm just being sillysweet and i know it's the same from them.

idk man, just remember romatic love isn't the only love that can make you feel whole. in the meantime i'm here for you!! i hope you're okay and i love you so very much <3

[steeltwigz]

I just think the endgame of TV romance being Marriage and fitting into expected moulds kinda ruins it for me. Like characters dating and adopting labels like "boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other" is Fine but it makes them foreign to me bcuz I'm Aro. Obviously at the end of the day I don't care what the writers do becuz this is a very specific problem, but it's why I appreciate the way II is written especially and why all the questions of "IS FANTUBE CANON IS LIGHTBRUSH CANON DOES SILVER HAVE A CRUSH WILL THEY GET MARRIED AND SETTLE DOWN AND HAVE CHILDREN AND RAISE A FAMILY AND BUY A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS" are so so SO annoying. Becuz I can understand things like mutual respect, like enjoying another person, caring for people. But like. Having a Boyfriend is something that happens in middle school. Like idk not to b rude but it's childish to me, to call someone that lmaoo. It takes me out of the show and I'm instantly put aside from the characters' relationship. And especially with queer characters, I don't like trying to fit them into the typical het relationship! Whatever they had going on before that is always way more interesting. Honestly I enjoy romance when it isn't the very underwhelming and overplayed cishet white American suburbia song and dance. These characters have such interesting dynamics, they don't Need a traditional white wedding to cap it off. Most of them wouldn't even have one imo! Why can't it be enough that they very clearly care abt each other. "It's too ambiguous!" Okay. Would that be so bad? Why do you need everything you want to be explicitly stated for you? Can't you have fun reading between the lines and extrapolating information yourself? And come on. Fantube? Fantube is Too Ambiguous? Most of them aren't, I think you just have piss-poor media literacy. Anyway. Sorry I HATE shipping. How many times do the creators have to say "guys it can't possibly be More Canon, what more do you want from us" before you all Shut Up. If Test Tube said "Fan I Have A Crush On You, Will You Be My Boyfriend" verbatim I think I'd THROW UP. They don't need labels they don't need labels they don't need labels it's way better without labels it's such a clunky and horrible thing to say anyways crushes aren't real after you graduate highschool guys come On

[wanderingandfound]

Sorry for yet another personal post I really should be asleep but with a) the time change, b) the lack of sleep medicine, and c) the fact that I've been staying up too late... well.

For days now I've been wanting to make out with someone. Like, not someone in particular. Just, now that I have kissed a person I know what that feels like and I want to continue it. It's not horniness (although that is there) and it's not touch starvation (I don't want to think about my relationship with physical contact atm). I don't even have a person in mind. I'm not interacting with any new people and I love the people I do interact with in very different, nonromantic ways. But also even if I did go out and meet new people it would take me so long to trust them enough to kiss, and that's without taking into account the respiratory pandemic I'm still scared of.

Here's this meme again although I will say I did socialize today! I saw all my home-based best friends, including the oldest (youngest) who no longer lives at home but is in town! We talked about books! And about three of their girlfriends (one is nonbinary but also a lesbian so I'm just gonna include them in that umbrella term)! ((I am not dwelling on how the only other one of us who isn't dating is ace, and possibly aro.)) ((My sister is going through utter heartbreak right now I have not been at a point in life where I want to open myself up to that.))

I dropped into a D&D session DM'd by my college-best-friend! Yesterday I talked with my internet-best-friend! My brother was in town yesterday and today! We played Portal 2! So much socializing!

Which like.... that's the thing! I already have so many people that I care about and do not see enough! I don't spend enough time with my grandma! Why would I try dating absolute randos????

But I wanna kiss somebody. :[

[eriexplosion]

All of the above but especially that it's the autistic nerd being the focus of the maybe romance thread. Honestly if Hunter got a girlfriend I'd be rolling my eyes but Tech doing a little bit of cute smiling... yes I adore that. Also anything to see him smile like that again is good with me.

ALSO I've screamed about this several times so sorry if I'm babbling but. This is important Tech characterization because we see the moment he goes from "ehhhhh" about the flirting to possibly interested! It's when she reveals why she retrieves all these items. The fact that she's doing this to return stolen and lost cultural items is something that visibly shifts Tech's behavior around her because good intentions are something important to him. It builds off his discussion on culture in episode 2 even. This isn't just empty flirty filler.

(And hell as an aro myself, it's super easy to read his behavior as not romantic but still wanting to get closer. Remember that he all but said he's never had a friend that isn't a clone. He's just gently testing the waters to see what he feels, nothing is being rushed at all.)

Why I Love Tech and Phee

I keep thinking about these two today and it just leads to me smiling uncontrollably (I'm literally grinning while I write this XD) so I'm just gonna talk about why these two work for me!

I'm usually not one to be on board with romances in shows that I find unnecessary. If anything, they can actually put me off if they get in the way of good storytelling. When I first saw Phee flirting with Tech back in episode 1, I found it amusing, but I was a little hesitant as to what they were going to do with it. It was fun in the moment, but I wasn't sure that I wanted it to go anywhere. Saying that, I kept an open mind because I didn't want to spend every episode where they appeared together feeling slightly angry about this thing I didn't want being there. And, hey! Maybe I'd even enjoy it!

Turns out I would. And there's a few reasons for this.

It isn't getting in the way of the plot

If this romance was starting to mess with the core story, then yeah, I wouldn't be that okay with it. However, it still feels very much like a thing in the background. It's there, it's noticeable, but it isn't getting in the way of anything and I appreciate that. As long as it stays that way, I have a good chance of staying in support of this.

It doesn't feel rushed

I hate love at first sight. I think it might be one of my least favourite tropes and while some people love it, I really struggle to get on board with it (minus the odd exception). When it comes to romantic connections between characters, I want to see it form. I want to see the journey that they go on. I don't want something where they meet and 5 minutes later they claim to be the love of each other's lives (not to say you can't enjoy this btw. It's just really not for me). But this isn't that!

I've seen some people saying that they're moving too quickly with it, but I really don't think that's the case. Sure, there are definitely flirtatious moments, but they're pretty subdued. A few looks, a couple of small touches here and there, but nothing extreme. I know everyone has their own idea as to what qualifies as moving too quickly, but from some of the reactions I've seen, you'd think they'd be getting married in next episode. It's not like that! I actually like the pacing of this connection. It's a little tentative, just some indications that there's interest there and they're taking it at their own pace.

I really like Phee!

When we were first introduced to Phee, I liked her as a cool, sassy pirate, but I didn't really trust her (in the same way that I love but don't trust Hondo Ohnaka). The initial "brown eyes" comment was funny, but I didn't want her getting too close to Tech if she was someone to be worried about. We all love Tech, so of course we're all gonna be a little protective over him. We just don't want him getting hurt.

And then episode 5 happened and I still didn't trust her. I loved that she was acting like a role model for Omega and she was giving the kid a chance to spend some time with someone other than the Batch, but I still didn't trust her. It felt like she was still trying to use them for her own advantage and I didn't like that.

But then we come to episode 13 and that distrust has definitely faded. She wasn't trying to get artefacts for herself, she was trying to take them back to people who would appreciate and connect to them. She was also willing to take the squad to a safe place away from Cid, a place where Omega could spend time with kids her own age. It wasn't for her own benefit. She actually did it for them.

I love Phee for this. She's shown that she isn't who we thought she was. She's better and I think Tech is noticing that as well.

It isn't ruining Tech as a character

One of my worries with Tech having a love interest was that I wasn't sure if they would make it feel out of character for him. If Tech had been really flirtatious back, then it would've just felt wrong. Instead, they are willing to show that he's a little nervous about the whole thing. He doesn't really know what his feelings are or what they mean and so he's a bit tentative. When she calls him Brown Eyes early on in the ep, he looks thrown off for a second because he isn't used to the nickname. He also glances at her hand when she places it on his shoulder because he doesn't know how to feel about the whole thing. It's unexpected. Even when he listens to her and looks at the lights, he isn't quite sure how to process that situation but he's a little more open about it.

To me it seems perfectly in keeping with his character; a little hesitant, a little unsure, confused about what he's feeling, shy, bashful. It makes sense for him and it's ADORABLE!

They work well together

What I absolutely love about this dynamic is that Phee is getting Tech to open up a bit and appreciate the world in a slightly less analytical way, but she isn't trying to change him. She does actually find his personality endearing and she just wants him to loosen up a bit, start feeling more comfortable with the world.

And what's even better is that it's working! Yes, Tech is still nervous and unsure, but he does actually start to acknowledge that there might be something there. That moment at the end of the episode where he says that he had thought about the Batch staying and Phee responds with "did you now?". It's a little bit of teasing from her but he doesn't get flustered or stunned, he just SMILES AT HER! And it's a cute, wholesome, genuinely comfortable smile and omg I actually love this moment so much, it's so cute aaaaaahhhhh!!!

It's Tech that has the love interest

I don't just appreciate this relationship because of the way it's been handled, but also the fact that this is the character they've chosen to give this part of the story to. So many showrunners would give the love interest to the charming, dark, broody, "conventionally attractive" man (aka Hunter) but no! They actually let this play out with Tech, an autistically-coded nerd with a stupid-ass looking hairline (sorry) and we don't get enough of that! I know some people headcanon him as aroace and I don't want to discredit that, but I also love how we're showing that yes, awkward, nerdy charm is something that people appreciate!

Wrecker ships it

I don't have much to say here. Wrecker teasing his brother is just so cute and I love it!!!

Ending Thoughts

So yeah, that's how I feel about this. I was sceptical at first but this episode made me fall in love with this pairing. It's wholesome and cute and I love this for Tech. He deserves it! Having a relationship between a badass WOC and a neurodivergent character is something that I'm happy we're getting. That's not to say that the show doesn't have its issues, but this is just so great to see.

I know that not everyone is on board with this and I'm not going to discredit those opinions. Everyone's going to disagree on things and that's fine. I totally understand some of the qualms that people have about this ship and I support the existence of those criticisms!

(However, if anyone hates it so much that they are willing to turn to racist, ableist or sexist remarks about it then I kindly ask you to leave this page alone because I don't want that kind of bigotry.)

I'm excited to see where they go with the Tech/Phee pairing because it's really cute. I hope that they don't let it bleed into the main story too much though because I don't want it to start become detrimental to the plot.

Anyway, this is a pro-Tee account and I'm very happy to just gush about them because happy Tech makes me smile so much! 😁

LOOK AT THIS 😭

Edit: gonna tag @phis-writing because I know she's also been loving Tee. 🥰

[ghost-inacup]

So, how does amatonormativity fuck a person up? (i made the aro survey)

omg okay so hi bestie sit down have some tea cause i might go on an endless rant here:

okay, so lets begin by defining amatonormativity: it is the societal expectation of everyone wanting an exclusive, long term romantic relationship and would be better off with it. some common assumptions made due to this are :

Assuming that everyone wants to get married, and unmarried/unpartnered people are unhappy or lonely

Treating romantic relationships as more important than friendships

The structuring of society around married couples (housing, taxes, etc.)

“Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” (sourced from: https://sophia.smith.edu/aace/about-asexuality-and-aromanticism/allonormativity-and-amatonormativity/)

Now, while this affects many queer identities, i can only provide an aro perspective on it.

Growing up, all around me, from as young as kindergarten, romantic relationships were prioritised. even 3 year olds who didn't even grasp the concept of romance were like, oh they're dating now, oh they're married now, etc. throughout my life, the expectation that everyone will eventually pursue a romantic relationship was a constant.

And that fucks you up.

Lets start with the fact that it forced me into thinking it would be my end all goal. i would meet a guy, have a romantic relationship, marry him, have kids, the whole package. And that led to quite a few situations where i forced myself to act like i felt romantic attraction, to convince myself to do things i was not ready for. It led to heartache and probably contributed to my depression. It led to destruction of friendships and led to an unhealthy relationship, which i will say is still affecting me. half a decade later and i still berate myself over those things, it has affected my self perception a lot.

then, when i discovered i was aro,(and its still going on tbh) it made me think i was not normal. it led to the realisation of my othering in a way, for i would never truly know what it is that society prizes and lauds so much. It led to a feeling of isolation and forced me to internalise a lot of shit, and probably bottle up things which i still haven't told anyone about.

then, the linking of my self worth with someone showing romantic interest in me. the feeling that something is wrong with me, physically, mentally, emotionally, just because someone never said hey i like you. the fear thats still within me that i am undesirable and not worthy. that even in movies the "ugly" girl sometimes ends up with a boy so why cant i? it led me to cling unhealthily to anyone who shows/ed me even a modicum of affection, to such an unhealthy degree that it destroyed a friendship, all in the wish that i was worthy of someone's love. all in the feeling that if no one likes me romantically, i do not have worth. i would be just someone people barely tolerate and leave as soon as they can.

also, as a cupioromantic: it fucks me up even more. cause i know wanting a relationship is sort of enforcing amatonormativity but fuck, it would be nice to have. and also, the fear that what will i say to an unsuspecting person, who gets in a relationship with me? with the expectation that it will be romantic? " hey sorry i can never love you romantically but i love you with my whole heart and i hope thats enough?" and then watching them leave cause if there isn't romance whats the damn point?

it hurts every time i think people getting in relationships, expecting me to relate about romantic attraction, them saying "you will also get one don't worry" them being allies but not even knowing aromantic and treating me like i'm a cold hearted monster who could never love truly and its the mourning in the corner of my heart for the fact that i can never experience what people say is a fundamental feeling and in the end,

it fucks you up.

[kim-poce]

My relationship with romance is weird, like, I'm aro but I'm not a romance-repulsed aro, if I had to word it I would say I'm romance-exhausted aro.

It's a whole life of romance being shoved down as the only real strong link between two people.

Years of people showing characters grows by the moment they go from "alone and cold" to "loving romantic partner"

Years of people impling or straight up saying that the only way to be complete is if you have a romantic relationship.

Some peoplee don't even believe in Aromantics. I had a colleague asking if I wasn't just "with a broken heart", so many people say "you just didn't find the right person yet" my psychology asked of this isn't just my insecurities, and said I could still date as long as I didn't call it "date."

When I explained more, my colleague said "this sounds sad, sorry" and like, this is what everyone is learned to think! You can only be happy if you date, if you marry, if you have romance. Someone who doesn't date is "sad" and "alone" and has "no one to take care of them"

I know that romance make people happy, I don't know how, I don't understand it and no one has better explanations than "you'll know when you feel it" but I'm happy for them! I'm happy they are happy doing theirs thing, feeling their thing.

When I see romance in media I find it cute, somehow, I get happy for the characters and everything. But I'm done, I'm tired of seeing romance on everything, I'm tired.

I want read things with no romance, where romance isn't even mentioned. Not because I hate romance but come on EVERYTHING ELSE HAS ROMANCE ALREADY and I want things free on them.

I want to read a book with a female MC and when a hot guy shows up I don't want to think "oh the male lead", I want to see a movie with a guy doing cool stuff not to earn someone's love for it.

I don't want "not being in a romantic relationship" being treated as moral failure.

I don't want to see people to look at to children just playing together and go "look he has a new girlfriend!"

I don't want people to grow up thinking that they NEED to be in relationship or else they are failing on life.

I don't want people to throw themselves in relationship because this is what is expected of them.

I don't hate romance, I'm not romance-repulsed but I'm romance-exhausted.

[lynxgriffin]

Heya, so probably over a year ago by now I asked about asexuality saying I thought I was ace but not aro.

Well I'm definitely ace but not sure if I'm aro or not. May I ask how you realised you're aro? (Obviously you absolutely do not have to say if you don't want to). I'm currently very confused on if what I feel for my boyfriend is romantic attraction or 'I really like hanging out with you' because the internet hasn't really been able to give me an explanation of what romantic attraction feels like. (Not helped by the fact that I have wanted to be a lesbian since I was 16 or so, not sure why I wanted to be a lesbian but I still find myself wanting to be one so that's probably adding confusion).

Sorry this got kind of long. And I am aware of how counter-productive it sounds to ask an aromantic person what romantic attraction feels like but maybe you have insight, idk.

Yeah, it's kind of a hard thing to explain, since it's kind of...proving a negative? And I imagine that romantic attraction can feel pretty different across both cultures and individual people. I also imagine there's a lot of crossover in feelings between "friends I really want to hang out with" and "romantic partner." I guess for myself, I've just asked myself "do I feel like I want/need a boyfriend/girlfriend/romantic partner?" And at least for me, the answer is no. I want and need friendships, my family, and heck I'd even like a housemate some days. I want people I can talk to and hang out with, share laughs and memories with, or hug if needed. But I can't think of a distinction where I'd go "this person has a special connection that stands them apart from my friends or even people I live with."

So I guess the question is...is there a unique feeling you have with your boyfriend that stands them apart from other friends? Even if you can't quite define what that feeling is? Then maybe that's a kind of romance.

And don't forget, everything in gender and sexuality and related exists on a spectrum...you might not find yourself as a hard aromantic, but maybe somewhere in the orbit of it! It's okay if you see a label and can't figure out if it's for you or not. With more time you may decide "yes, this is an accurate description," or you may decide "no, this isn't for me," or even "this is for me, but just sometimes."

I hope this makes sense and helps, at least some!

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

Thoughts and opinions on aro steve? 🤨

Aro Steve my beloved

Sorry it took me so long to get to it, but here it is :)

Yes. Absolutely. (BTW I hc him as aromantic bisexual) there's a bunch more stuff ab him that suggests completely different, and ofc all headcanons are valid, this is just how I like to interpret I'm not trying to, like, prove aro Steve canon. I'll start with how he acts in canon and then move on to some headcanons after. The first part of the post is about my canon analysis but it has a kind of overall theme of heteronormativity, so caution but it isn't that that heavy. If you want, you can skip to the second part, which is just some headcanons. I'll make the title orange so you know when to stop scrolling.

Canon:

starting with season three:

Steve was essentially weighing pros and cons of dating ppl. He knew exactly how to get someone to like him, but Dustin's "choose someone who you like dating" concept was foreign. In not dating he couldn't have a multitude of other reasons for dating popular girls, but specifically the analytical approach he was taking is what comes off to me as aromantic. "Oh, romance was supposed to be a feeling? Since WHEN!?" -me after finding out alloros exist. Another thing is that Steve doesn't even consider Robin a romantic interest, it doesn't even cross his mind, until Dustin brings it up. Consider- Robin opens up to him while they're drugged. "I was obsessed". And *this* while speech is what Steve considered to be a romantic confession. Only after this does he say that he has a crush on Robin. Not only this, he says that having a crush on Robin is why he isn't still in love with Nancy- which just isn't how that works (see: Boyce/Jopper). All of this shows an understanding of "courting rituals" so to speak, but not of romance.

Season four:

Steddie is fanon.

"I would date her, but.. nevermind" honestly, I hate this line so fucking much. I think it was put in to make a *point* out of not outing Robin, which I appreciate but it OBVIOUSLY sucks. (What I appreciate way more is him talking to Dustin generally and just ✨️not✨️) what I see is him being "caught" and his first instinct was to scapegoat Robin. There isn't any reason for him to feel defensive about not wanting to date someone- unless those two experiences are associated. "Of course I want a girlfriend, look, there's a girl". In the beginning of season four, what Steve says is "do I want to start another relationship just for sex?" Which is a valid thing to say, it's okay to prefer relationships that are mostly about romance, but in Steve's case, there could be more to it. Looking back at season one, the way Tommy and Carol talk about Nancy is like the first time they've interpreted Steve's advances towards a girl as romantic. Up until that point, Steve had been able to "get away with" not being romantic with anyone and still come of as "normal" by continuing this pattern. Imo he was totally fine with it, and the reason he isn't still is because he falsely associates those type of relationships with the entirety of that phase of his life. Likewise, he associates his relationship with Nancy with the time he started actually making friends and being a better person, unconsciously tying his image of the guy he wants to be with being someone who can hold down a romantic relationship. Consider how Robin phrases his problem, "you go on a million dates and have no clue what you want!". Because Steve has an idea of romance that he's aiming for, but he doesn't really feel romantically towards anyone. Even his vision for the future: I think it's unanimous that nobody thought "six little nuggets" was romantic. I think of Sieve was being honest with himself when he decided to make a move on Nancy (if he was even trying to) be would have described the "wife" more than the kids. "Me, my beautiful wife, and our family" doesn't sound Nancy's style at all, but it's still far more romance-oriented than "six kids and um also you btw".

Headcanons:

Steve still wants his huge family, he's someone who thrives having several types of platonic relationships in his life

I'm adopting the fanon/hc that Steve learns all he can abt the LGBTQ+ community and is super involved with the local queer community

Every time he sees a love triangle on TV he just points and says "those two should just get together, that person is tired and I don't think they want to date either of them", while Robin is a big fan of "they should just all date".

He doesn't really like the aro flag once he eventually finds out about it. (Don't crucify me I fucking love the aro flag) he just doesn't like the colors. He does like the bi flag, but he just has the rainbow.

He probably continues using the eight stripe rainbow on like, pins an bracelets and whatnot as well as having one in his house once he has one. He uses the eight stripe rainbow right up until he eventually finds out about the progress flag with the chevron thing.

He puts rainbows subtly on himself all the time, like bracelets and pins, but also coloring his shoes, picking which hair clips to wear, on his socks and pretty much any item he owns so ppl feel safer around him

He gets married to someone at some point and idk if it's before or after adopting his kids, but I just feel like Steve is someone who likes the idea of marriage

He definitely thought everyone felt the same way as him for the longest time

He pronounces it "Ay-ro-mantic" not "air-romantic" and is like, far too insistent on it.

(While writing this I literally just realized how different he and I are bc most of these are not true about me as an aro person lol)

If you have questions, you can ask and I might answer, probably in the comments bc this post is pretty long and I don't want it clogging my blog by reblogging alot.

[grelleswife]

For the character ask game could you do Othello?? :)

Of course! Sorry for the late reply!

1. My first impression of them.

Some combination of, "funky little dude!" and "oh boy...another manga character involved with STEM who wears a lab coat 24/7 so we as the audience know without the shadow of a doubt that he's a mad scientist." 😂

2. When I think I truly started to like them.

Watching his friendly interactions with Grelle. Even in the manga, Grelle often contends with physical violence or snide remarks from other characters, so it was a relief to finally see a reaper other than Ronald who was nice to her. :')

3. A song that reminds me of them.

Although this is technically part of an anime OST rather than a song, "L's Theme" from Death Note.

4. How many people I ship them with.

Grelle and Ronald (either individually or as a polycule). I think he and Sascha could also make an adorable couple. He and Undertaker share a complex shared history and had an acrimonious breakup.

5. My favorite ship of them.

Grellthello! It's a fun dynamic—the sassy nerd who constantly banters with (and simps over) his powerful, glamorous girlfriend. ❤️💚

6. My least favorite ship of them.

Nothing really comes to mind? Othello doesn't receive as much attention from the fandom as characters like trash demon, but the silver lining is that we have fewer cursed ships for this geeky reaper.

7. A quote of them that you remember.

I'm not quoting verbatim since I've seen a couple of different translations for this line, but the part where he and Grelle confront Undertaker, and Othello smirks that it's time to get on with the renegade death god's "spanking/scolding." That dialogue coupled with his impish expression gave me a good chuckle...and do y'all see what I mean about the bitter exes energy he and Undertaker have? Also, what kinds of shenanigans did you and White hair-chan get up to back in the day, Othello? 👀

8. Your favorite outfit of them.

His cute bellhop uniform from that 2020 Black Label pop up store!

9. Your least favorite outfit of them.

Although I like his dorky outfit in canon, that lab coat bugs me to no end because you shouldn't stroll around the city wearing your PPE!!! That article of clothing is called a lab coat for a reason. Sir, are you really going to bring it back to your research space after it's been contaminated with God knows what?! 😭😭😭

10. Describe the character in one sentence.

A cheeky, eccentric, and somewhat mysterious reaper forensic scientist with a fearless penchant for munching licorice and wearing slippers with his socks on.

11. What's the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?

His crazy hair! 😂

12. Sexuality headcanon!

Could be ace, aro, demi, or some combination thereof, but he definitely isn't straight.

13. Your favorite friendship they have.

His partnership with Grelle!

14. Best storyline they had; 15. Worst storyline they had.

The verdict's still out on these two questions, mainly because we just haven't spent enough time with him for me to compare his role across different arcs. We'll see how things shake out a few years down the line!

16. A childhood headcanon.

Othello was often bullied as a child due to his weak, scrawny frame and bookish tendencies, which caused him to turn inward and made it difficult for him to form close attachments with his peers.

17. What do you think their first word was?

"Ribbit," learned from when his mom was teaching him about the sounds different animals make (I headcanon that frogs are one of Othello's favorite animals).

18. How do you think they were like as a kid?

As mentioned above, I think Othello ended up a loner who read voraciously and developed a keen interest in the natural sciences. Much to his mother's horror, he was fascinated by death, and furtively dissected a few animal corpses (i.e. deceased cats he found on the side of the road) because he wanted to better understand how their anatomy worked. Kidthello kept several pet frogs, salamanders, and other amphibians, stealthily hiding them from his mama. He strongly preferred to wear loose, baggy clothing made out of soft fabric, for sensory reasons, and also had several quirks in his eating habits (i.e. lining up cherry pits in rows, pitching a fit if his green peas touched the potatoes on his plate, etc.). Despite his considerable intellect, Othello remained a mediocre student because he only applied himself toward subjects that piqued his curiosity, eschewing dull textbooks and rote memorization in favor of his late-night, amateur attempts at research.

19. The most random ship you've seen people have with them.

Othello x Blavat Sky. They both have chaotic energy, distinctive character designs, and copious amounts of gender, but my short king deserves better than that smarmy fortune teller. 😤

20. A weird headcanon.

Othello is a pretty decent ventriloquist and freaked the other reapers out by bringing his dummy to an office party.

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

When he was given his own laboratory. Othello now had access to resources he couldn't have envisioned in his wildest dreams as a mortal, and centuries (if not millenia!) in which to explore the questions which intrigued him.

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

Immediately prior to becoming a reaper. I headcanon that Othello's backstory shares certain similarities with that of Shakespeare's tragic protagonist; namely, that he murdered his wife after a false, manipulative "friend" tricked him into thinking she had committed adultery when in fact she was innocent. Othello had been deeply hurt by this misguided belief because he'd truly fallen in love with his spouse, finally discovering someone who accepted him. Upon realizing his grievous error, the scientist was stricken with remorse and killed himself.

23. Future headcanon.

Grelle often takes Othello with her to attend Pride parades in the mortal realm, and they make eachother little bead bracelets using their respective pride flag colors. >w<

24. What do you think is a secret they have that they have never told anyone?

Othello curled up on his bed and cried for hours the night that he and Undertaker separated, only to put on a nonchalant act the next day and pretend like the relationship had never been that big a deal, anyway. He takes rejection hard but usually isn't comfortable admitting as much.

25. When do you think they acted the most OOC?

I don't think we know him well enough to say for certain yet.

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

While I suspect that he might be hiding something, my impression is that Othello doesn't give a damn about others' opinions of him and is unrepentantly himself, even if others judge his peculiar mannerisms and behavior.

27. If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc., who would be the most fun for them to meet?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb. Oh, the glorious chaos that would ensue...

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Eat licorice. I love you, king, but that stuff tastes VILE.

29. How do you think they would be as a parent?

Honestly, I think Othello would be much better off as the fun uncle who pops by every now and then to visit the kids and give them cool presents. While he would genuinely love his children, he'd probably be so absorbed in his theories and research that they'd inadvertently be excluded from his reclusive bubble, placing most of the burden of their daily care on his partner(s)

30. The funniest scene they had?

When he threw his death scythe at Undertaker...only for the "attack" to devolve into a comical failure! XD As Miss Grelle remarks (I see you breaking the fourth wall, Yana), it would have made sense for this moment to reveal a ferocious strength beneath Othello's unassuming facade. Instead, we see that the geek from Forensics probably shouldn't be wielding anything larger than a pipette! 😆😆😆