#sorry I’ve been seeing an influx of them and I feel the urge to kill

[jingledbells]

there’s been a big increase of ford hate posts around here hasn’t there

[wtf-yoongi]

Stage lights. ‹‹part I of III››

pairing | jungkook x reader

summary | you visit jungkook on tour for the first time

genre/warnings | high levels of fluff + relatively new relationship + warning: features jk being extremely tired in between sets + but it’s ok because you look after him afterwards and now my heart is clenching 

words | about 7k total (part I is 2,034)

note | kinda belongs in the same universe as this one, but can be read separately. i got carried away and wrote this huge thing, so i decided to separate it into three parts. i hope you like it 🖤 p.s.: the other two will be posted in the next few days. also: have i mentioned i love jk and want him to have the whole world?

Your phone vibrates repeatedly inside of your pocket, but you can’t really reach for it while trying to get your luggage out of the conveyor belt, can you? You run towards your red, small-sized suitcase, thankful that you were fast enough to reach it before you had to wait it go around again.

When the tiny wheels are finally on the ground, you retrieve your phone to check the texts.

Hae is there to pick you up, ok? She has expert level English like me lol

She’s also wearing a bright orange jacket so you recognize her

Let me know when you’re with her?

You don’t really feel like replying now, choosing to look in the direction of the exit to see if you could already locate a bright orange spot somewhere instead.

It’s not that you are trying to ignore him – quite the opposite. To be completely honest, your nerves are killing you.

It all feels even more real now that your feet are on the ground and your brain keeps telling yourself oh my god he’s somewhere in this city breathing this air while at the same time trying to calm down. It has been months since you last saw each other, work and classes getting in the way, but the day has finally come. 

And you couldn’t be more thankful – or nervous. There’s something about seeing him after such a long time that, deep down, worries you. Yeah, you talk every day, but texting and video calls only go so far. They’re not the real deal. And even though 99% of the time all that comes to mind is how badly you want to hold him close and hug him for hours, there’s 1% of doubt there for some reason. 

Seeing someone after a very long time just gets awkward sometimes. And you don’t want things to be awkward, not even a second. You only have a few days together before you have to go back home, there’s no time for that – no time to lose.

You finally start moving again, holding onto your phone a little bit too tightly and dragging your suitcase behind you. The exit doors are not far from carousel number twelve and you can see there are a number of people waiting for arriving passengers: family members, friends, nicely-dressed people holding up iPads with fancy last names… And a young woman wearing the most absurd orange jacket.

Jungkook must have shown Hae a picture of you before – she’s quick and doesn’t think twice before waving shyly in your direction as soon as you’re through the automatic doors. You smile at her kindly and notice she’s immediately reaching for her phone to text someone. It wouldn’t surprise you if it is Jungkook himself or another staff member that could let him know the news.

“Hi,” she greets with an excited smile. “I’m Hae, it’s a pleasure to meet you! How was your flight?”

It intimidates you a little seeing such a sweet-looking person your age be so formal and polite around you. She looks like she could be your friend – a friend that insists on carrying your small suitcase even though you have no problem at all doing it yourself.

When you’re inside the black SUV, you text Jungkook back.

I’m on my way now, please tell Hae to relax and treat me as a friend

It’s kinda freaky how diplomatic she is

A few seconds pass before you get an answer.

Let her be, she’s nice haha

She’s an assistant to the head of PR. Literally her job description includes being as diplomatic as possible

You smile at your phone and then raise your eyes to Hae, who’s sitting on the passenger seat next to the driver. They exchange a few words in Korean, but remain quiet for most of the long ride to the venue.

There’s a little bit of traffic when you’re near the stadium, the influx of cars coming and going more intense the closer it gets. It’s great to see people lining up, singing and dancing in anticipation. The line itself isn’t as long now and you assume most people are already inside. With that, you also realize this is, in fact, your first BTS concert. How weird is that?

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to put this on,” Hae interrupts your thoughts and you turn to her to see a simple black baseball cap in her hands. “I’m really sorry about this, no one’s going to see you, this is just extra precaution. If you could hold onto this and wear it every time you’re outside, that would be ideal.”

You don’t say anything, settling for just nodding in agreement and taking the cap from her hand. As you put it over your head, you wonder if these are going to be some curious few days, filled with first timers. But even if the thought of hiding a relationship is foreign to you, you know, in this case, the price is totally worth it.

The closer you get to the stadium, the louder the cheering seems to get. When Hae opens the door, you find yourself parked next to many other cars and vans, and you can finally hear the sounds clearly – thousands upon thousands of people filling up every seat. She moves to get your luggage from the trunk and you just want to yank it out of her hands to carry it with your own, but stop yourself from doing so at the last second with pursed lips and a let her be in the back of your mind.

With a “follow me, please”, Hae leads the way through a maze of corridors, doors and temporary structures built solely for the single show that’s going to take place in this stadium. It surprises you just how big everything seems to be, the scale of it all, and Jungkook’s pressures kind of seem more real now. Putting yourself in his shoes becomes just a little easier as you can feel the buzz from the fans building some sort of anxiety inside of you.

“They’re inside this room,” she finally speaks again and points to a door with a sign that says ARTIST in big, bold letters. “I’ll see you again when the show starts, ok? Oh, and I’ll take care of your luggage, you don’t have to worry about that.”

You nod and let out a small “thanks” just when she turns the knob and opens the door, moving her hand to signal you can go in. You can hear many people talking before even seeing anything, but you’re not ready for the sheer amount of people working in a single room when you finally peak inside.

Everything looks like the most organized mess ever. There are black labeled boxes and bags everywhere and people moving up and down with Canon cameras, freshly-ironed shirts, makeup brushes and everything in between. They all seem to be speaking or laughing quietly and in a rush, their Korean rolling out of their tongues so easily it startles you when you hear something you can actually understand. 

“Hey, you’re here!”

You suddenly stop scanning the room to turn to your immediate left, where a familiar face is smiling at you. Namjoon has a water bottle in his hands, which he promptly leaves on top of a table to greet you properly.

“It’s so nice to see you! How are you doing?” He asks and leans in for a quick hug. When you separate, he’s once again speaking, but this time you don’t understand a word except for Jungkook-ah in the beginning of the sentence.

All of a sudden, you feel like all eyes are on you. People working all around stop for a second to see you for the first time and you start to wonder what exactly Namjoon said after calling Jungkook’s name.

It all lasts less than a second, though, as the staff at least looks like they have more important things to do than looking at a stranger – and you’re deeply thankful for that. To your right, you see both Jimin and Hoseok waving hello from their seats where they're having their hair done. You wave back at them with a smile and it isn’t until you turn your head to face forward again that you see him quickly moving towards you.

Jungkook has the most absurd smile on his face, dimples in full display – and, somewhere inside, you melt completely. There’s something different in him and you can finally see it now that he’s in front of you. His jaw looks more defined, his hair texture is healthier than the last time you saw him and there’s something about the way his eyes glimmer that certainly can’t be captured on camera. You have to be face to face to see it.

He takes longer strides the closer he gets to you and you feel like he’s fighting the urge to run altogether. It all happens so fast – you can’t even extend your arms in his direction before he’s crashing into you, the air leaving your lungs in a low humpf. Jungkook surrounds you with his body, his arms tightly holding on, while you do your best to press a hand to his back at the same time you’re trying to hold the cap on top of your head so it doesn’t fall to the ground.

It is overwhelming, but in a good way. Suddenly, that 1% of doubt is a thing of the past.

Jungkook lets go all of a sudden and looks into your eyes, soon grabbing your hand to lead you out of the room again without saying a word. He’s taking long steps and you have to be quick on your feet to follow.

“Where are we going?” You ask and you have to adjust the strap of your backpack before it falls from all the moving around.

Jungkook doesn’t answer, though, and swiftly pulls you into another room nearby. This one is much smaller, you notice, and there’s no one inside. When he closes the door behind you, it gets quiet and, somehow, familiar.

“My God, I’ve missed you,” he says under his breath, pulling you close again. He’s calmer now, taking his time to bury his face in your neck and take a deep breath. “I’ve missed you so much, I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

“I’ve missed you, too, you know? A lot,” you reply, running your hands up and down his covered back to comfort him. “A whole lot.”

“I’m sorry I had to drag you out of the room like that,” he speaks quietly before taking a deep breath – and you can feel the air he exhales soon after. “Too many people watching.”

“It’s ok, I understand.”

Everything feels so still you can swear, for a moment, that the whole world has stopped. Jungkook is slowly rocking both of your bodies from side to side, humming a song you can’t recognize, and it seems impossible to fall more in love with him than right now. You close your eyes, taking everything in, and you can smell the slight scent of fresh laundry in his clothes.

“And I wanted to kiss you,” he admits out of nowhere. “Can’t do that in front of everybody.”

Jungkook gently disconnects his body from yours, taking his time to look at you now. He softly places a hand on your face as if he’s struggling to believe you’re there and you’re real. When he smiles, your heart melts further – and you don’t know how that’s even possible.

“Can I?”

You smile back, nodding at the same time you reach for the back of his neck. “You can kiss me a hundred times.”

“Just a hundred?” Jungkook asks with a disappointed voice, leaning in closer now. “What happens if I want more than that?”

“You get… Refills,” you say and laugh at your own choice of word. “Endless kiss refills. Does that sound good?”

“Hmm,” he hums, kissing you and tasting your lips for the first time in what seems like forever. “Sounds great.”

He laughs and leans in again.

☁️ read part II here ☁️

Read more ›› masterlist

[adenei]

I See You

Had an ask the other day from an anon requesting a fic similar to @headcanonsandmore​ ‘s story “All of Me”. Since Headcanons gave me the all clear, here is my take on Ron & Hermione attempting to learn Occlumency (and also Legilimency because they kinda go hand in hand. Set in the summer between HBP and DH at the Burrow 

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Quick personal message to all you wonderful people out there: I’ve had an influx in asks, please bear with me as it’s taking longer to try and tackle them. I try to stick to the order they come in (ish), but sometimes I open the computer and I start writing whichever sticks in my mind first. I don’t want to push things out too quickly and have the quality go to shit, either. I’d also like to get back to some original ideas I’ve got, and some of your asks actually do reflect things I’ve got planned for my own writing. I don’t want to turn my ask box off for a bit, but I may need to. Thank you all again for entrusting me with your ideas. I hope I am doing them justice ❤

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I See You.

“Ron, I’ve been thinking,” Hermione said as she sat on the floor of his attic bedroom. They’d just finished meeting with the rest of the Order about the initial ideas for a plan to retrieve Harry from the Dursleys. Ron was sitting on his bed, flipping through one of his books on the Chudley Cannons, while Hermione was busy jotting notes down about who knew what.

Ron peered over the book at her. “About what?” he asked apprehensively. 

“I want to try and learn occlumency.”

Ron closed his book and looked at her. “Why?”

“Well, we don’t really know what’s going to happen when we leave for the mission. I’d like to hope for the best, but what happens if we get caught? Or separated? What if our captors try and read our minds to get information because we won’t give it away.”

“They’ll probably torture us instead,” Ron said grimly.

“But still! Shouldn’t we at least try to block our minds? See if we can even do it?” Hermione pressed him.

“Well, sure, maybe, but you’re forgetting one small problem. In order to learn how to shut our minds, we also need to know legilimency. Anyone in the Order who knows is too busy to ask them to do one more thing anyways.”

“I’ve thought about that, too. I have this book that I’ve been reading, that goes into detail about legilimency and occlumency. The theory behind it, how to perform it, and the like.” Hermione stood up and went over to Ron’s bookshelf. 

Ever since arriving a couple weeks ago, she’d sort of taken over a lot of the space in Ron’s already small bedroom. Not that he minded. His bookshelf was always scarce to begin with, so it wasn’t an imposition for her to use the space. He watched her reaching for a book on the top shelf. She was on her tiptoes and her fingertips were barely able to graze the book she wanted.

Rolling his eyes, he got up and grabbed the book for her. “Honestly, woman, are you a witch or not?” his eyes shone as a smirk tugged playfully at his lips. He handed her the book.

“Oh, stop it! That retort is so first year, don’t you think?” Hermione brushed past him and sat on his bed, patting it for him to join her. She opened the book to the theory. “See? So, you would cast legilimens while I tried to empty and clear my mind to block you from seeing anything.”

“So you’re suggesting we practice on each other?”

“Y-yes, I’ve been practicing what Snape told Harry back in fifth year when he was supposed to be learning.” Hermione pretended to be reading through the book.

“...Alright. I suppose you’ve got a point.” Ron got up and shut his door. He locked it and cast silencio so that no one would know what they were up to. He turned to face her. “You’re sure you want to try this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Hermione asked.

“Well, what if I do manage to see inside your mind, and you can’t block it?”

Hermione bit her lip. She hadn’t really thought about that. “Well, we’ve known each other long enough that I’m sure there’s nothing there that you don’t already know.” She hoped her lie was convincing enough. Honestly, if he did see anything there, then maybe that would be easier than actually admitting her feelings to him.

“Okay..are you ready?” Ron held up his wand as she closed her eyes and did her best to clear her mind. “Legilimens!”

For a brief moment, Hermione felt a small tug in her mind, but then nothing happened.

“I told you it wouldn’t work,” she heard Ron say.

“No! I felt something. There was a small tug, as if a door was trying to open into my mind. Ron, I think you were onto something! Try it again, but really mean it!” Hermione urged him on.

Ron was still a bit worried about invading her privacy, but she seemed so serious about this, so he tried again. This time he saw the tiniest flashes of moments in his own mind. It wasn’t enough to decipher what was happening, but he saw a young Hermione outside, and then Hermione in the dress he thought she wore to the Christmas party. The spell fizzled out, and he was back in his room.

“Whoa…” he said. “You okay?” 

She nodded. “Did you see anything?”

“Yeah, but really quick flashes of things.”

“It’s a weird feeling. Like I’m trying to push against you.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“No, try it one more time. Just give me a second to clear my mind again.”

“Okay.” If Ron was being honest with himself, he wanted to see more of that memory from the Christmas party. He used that desire to drive the spell as he cast Legilimens one more time.

Hermione was definitely fighting back this time, but instead of letting her win, he pushed back with the spell. It was as if the spell found the weak spot in her defense, and pried it open. All of a sudden he saw her at the Christmas party again, and she looked miserable. She was hiding from McLaggen, and he watched her leave the party early and enter an empty classroom with tears streaming down her face. She didn’t say anything in the memory, but he heard her thoughts echo in his own brain, ‘What were you thinking? Of course he’s not Ron! No one is.’ He watched her mind wander back to when she’d asked him to go and wondered what went wrong.

Ron broke the charm. “Shit! I’m sorry!” He said, rubbing his eyes, as if trying to erase what he’d just seen.

Hermione was staring blankly at him, her face burning from a mixture of embarrassment and exertion of trying to fight him off. “You….you fought back,” she said faintly.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-” Ron started to say.

“N-no, you’re right. If it was a death eater, they wouldn’t give up.”

“Do you want to switch?” Ron didn’t necessarily want her prying into his own mind, but at the same time, he felt he owed her as much.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Hermione said.

“It’s fine, really. Reckon you’re right, after all. I should have an idea what it feels like,” Ron admitted.

“Okay, well, try and clear your mind then,” Hermione told him.

Ron shut his eyes and forced himself not to think of anything, which was easier said than done. He heard Hermione say “Legilimens” and felt a weird sensation of pressure on his mind. He found himself saying over and over again, think of nothing, as he tried to keep the door to his mind shut, but he felt her break the wall as he saw himself arguing with Hermione after the Yule Ball. He tried to push her away from it, but he felt Hermione dig in deeper with the charm and more of those memories were revealed. 

He felt the anger and hurt of every time she’d chosen Krum over him when she wrote those letters, saw him try and make up for his stupid jealousy by buying her that perfume for Christmas, as if that was going to make her notice him more than Krum. Then he saw her ask him to Slughorn’s party, followed by the row he had with Ginny a few days after. 

Hermione yelped and broke the charm when she heard Ginny scream, ‘Even Hermione’s snogged Viktor Krum’ and saw Ron sputtering in anger. Her wand fell to the floor as Ron was squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing his temple. “Bloody hell, Hermione!” He should have known this was a bad idea.

“You...you….” Hermione was having trouble forming words. Ron knew this never ended well for him. “Is that why you iced me out? Why you… I’m going to kill her,” Hermione turned toward the door and made to unlock it when Ron strode over and put his hand on the door.

“No...Hermione, don’t. It’s not her fault,” Ron told her. 

“Yes, it is! Are you joking? She ruined everything!” Hermione tried to push Ron out of the way, but he was too tall and muscular against her small frame to make any difference.

Ron took a deep breath, but held firm. He’d had a lot of time to think about that whole fiasco, and it was time he finally admitted it out loud. “No, Hermione, it was my fault. I’m the one who reacted like a bloody idiot. Sure, I was pissed about it, but I was also hurt that you didn’t tell me yourself. I was the only one who didn’t know!”

“So you chose to shut me out instead of confronting me about it?” Hermione questioned.

“Well, yeah, since I always gave you a hard time about Krum, bringing it up wouldn’t have helped anything. Knew that from experience, so I wanted to deal with it on my own.” Ron tried his best to explain it to her so she would understand, but he felt like he was mucking it up.

“But if you had brought it up, then you would have known that I never- well it doesn’t matter now does it,” Hermione said as she gave up trying to leave and walked over to sit on his bed. She put her head in her hands.

“Hermione, I am sorry. I wanted to go to that party with you.” Ron sat down beside her, and reached out for her hand.

“Then why did you snog her?” Hermione looked at him, and all the hurt he’d caused her hit him like a ton of bricks. 

“I- Because she was interested, and wasn’t afraid to show it, I guess. I was only just starting to cool off, and then the whole Felix thing happened, and I just took it as you thought I was rubbish at quidditch and needed a potion to perform well.” Ron couldn’t believe he’d actually admitted that. He supposed she’d already seen everything leading up to it, so he owed her the honesty.

“But-” Hermione tried to say, but Ron cut her off.

“I know,” Ron said. And he did. He knew deep down that she thought he was good at quidditch, but Hermione was never one to outwardly praise anyone. 

“I’m sorry.” Hermione finally said. “I do believe in you, you know.”

“I know that now.” Ron said. “And I’m sorry for not talking to you about it...and rubbing that whole mess of a relationship in your face.”

She looked at him again. “We’re okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Ron offered her a small smile, and against his better judgment, reached his arms around her to pull her in for a hug. To his relief, Hermione hugged him back.

Before she pulled away from him, Hermione said, “Maybe we should leave the occlumency alone after all.”

“Yeah, I’d be okay with that. Wanna see if there’s any leftover biscuits downstairs?” Ron asked, changing the subject.

“Sure,” Hermione said as she closed the book and used magic to place it back up on the top shelf.

[sevenstarsinning]

Invasion Ch. 5

Description:  A planet conquering race of Saiyans invaded Earth and deemed it worthy of habitation. After bringing the humans to their heels, they set up a new society where humans had one role, to serve. You found yourself in the unlucky faction of being bought and sold as a human pet. With absolutely no interest in owning a human but no way out of having one, Kakarot made a bid on you at the urging of his brother. It was only a matter of time before you were either killed or forced into obedience.

Ch.1  Ch.2  Ch.3  Ch.4

______________________

“Tails. Tell me everything you know about them.” You sat down abruptly next to Bulma at one of the tables in the garden.

She glanced around to see where you even came from, “um, good morning to you too?”

“Tails.” You repeated, needing to know whatever she knew about them.

You rushed there as soon as you’d finished with breakfast that morning. You had too many questions and not enough answers and you knew Kakarot wouldn’t be offering any anytime soon, so Bulma was your only source for information.

“I heard you, but why the sudden interest in them?” She cocked her head to the side.

You let out a sigh, “something happened with Kakarot-“

“Wait, did he do that?!” She saw the bruises along your jaw and turned your face to see the other side.

“No, that was Raditz, what happened with Kakarot was-“

“Raditz?! You promised you’d stay away from him.” She seemed angrier about the marks than you were at this point.

“I couldn’t really avoid him. He burst into the house and attacked me. He ended up throwing me outside after Kakarot lowered my clearance level.” You explained almost too simply, but you had other things on your mind at the moment.

Her mouth hung open for a moment, “I-I don’t really know where to start. I’m a little afraid to ask, but where do the tails come in exactly?”

“Oh, so Kakarot needed my help cleaning his wounds because he couldn’t reach them-“

“Wait, why was he injured? Did Raditz, or did you?” Bulma looked like a deer in the headlights as she tried to make sense of everything.

“No, of course I didn’t hurt him. His mission didn’t go well. Anyways, I was helping him get cleaned up when his tail coiled around my thigh. So, tails. What do you know?”

Bulma sat back in her chair and let out a frustrated sigh, “don’t think I’m just letting the rest of this stuff slide by without talking about it, but their tails are very important in everything they do.”

Bulma explained how sensitive their tails were to pain and pleasure. The right amount of pressure made them compliant, the wrong amount and it caused them excruciating pain. She had the displeasure of making that mistake with Vegeta once, which he responded to by taking away her access to her lab. She quickly learned the kind of touch that was pleasurable. She confirmed that their tails would sometimes act on instinct. They respond to emotional stimuli for the most part, which explained why his tail wrapped around you in response to your kindness, but they do have some control over them.

“Anything else?” You wanted more information but would take whatever she had to offer.

“Depending on the power level of the saiyan, grabbing their tail harshly could bring them to their knees or even make them pass out. But I wouldn’t recommend doing that unless you’re prepared to run for your life afterwards.”

“Thank you so much. For everything.” You moved to stand but she grabbed your hand before you could leave.

“Not so fast, I need more details about what happened with Raditz and Kakarot.”

You sat back down and started from the beginning, walking her through every detail you could. She remained silent for the most part while you recounted everything, only asking a few questions here and there for clarification. By the time you were finished she looked like she was in complete disbelief and trying to process everything. Before she had the chance to recap and make sure she understood everything, she noticed an influx of saiyans heading into the palace.

“Something’s going on. Come on, let’s check it out.” She grabbed your hand and pulled you with her.

Several saiyans were entering the palace from the main doors as you made your way through from the garden. The second the saiyans saw her heading their way, they moved aside. No one dared get in her way for fear of what the Prince would do in retaliation. They knew he would never take up for her outright, but he would find some way to send them to a desolate planet as revenge. Bulma wasted no time in barging into the main room where Prince Vegeta sat on his throne.

“Woman.” He narrowed his eyes at her but did nothing to stop her.

“Prince. We saw a crowd gathering, what’s going on?” She approached him but you stopped by the door before she pulled you up with her.

“I will not have you barreling in and demanding information for things that do not concern you, woman.” He seemed more on edge than before.

You watched and took a step back, considering cutting your losses and going back home. Before you could disappear through the door, you stepped back and immediately froze as you felt a chest against your back, following by a hand on your hip. Your heart pounded in your chest at the possibility of who it was, but when you turned to see Kakarot you felt an immediate sense of relief.

“You shouldn’t be here.” He kept his voice low as he set his gaze forward and not on you.

“I came to see Bulma. Why-“

“Shhh, whatever happens, don’t say a word.”

“Kakarot, come forward. Bring your human.” Vegeta addressed him directly.

Kakarot kept his hand on your hip as he guided you forward towards the prince. He was still in pain, which was clear from the way he limped, but he made no facial expressions to show any discomfort. Bulma remained by the prince’s side but didn’t look very happy. You glanced up at Kakarot but he gave nothing away.

“I’ll assume you received the news this morning?” The prince spoke again.

“Yes, Prince Vegeta. Word came early this morning.” Kakarot kept a calm demeanor as he spoke.

Vegeta shifted and glanced at Bulma before returning his gaze to you, then Kakarot, “you don’t seem to be too concerned.”

“I’ve had trials before, this one will be no different, Prince Vegeta.”

Trials? You furrowed your brow at the word. What kind of trials could he be talking about and why was he having one now?

“Yes, but this one will be different. I will not be residing over it, this time the King will be handling the inquiry.” Bulma looked uncomfortable at the mere mentioning of the King.

You only knew a little about him, just that he remained on their home planet while the prince conquered Earth. You’d heard stories of his ruthlessness and how he would order planets to be destroyed at the snap of his fingers, regardless of any inhabitants.

“I won’t be able to intervene.” The prince added.

“I’ll accept the outcome, Prince Vegeta.” Kakarot nodded.

None of it made sense and it was driving you insane not asking questions. There were too many things running through your mind, and you were biting your tongue to stay quiet like he said, the last thing you wanted was to anger the prince.

“Has there been any word on the other elite warriors that accompanied you on your mission?”

“None.” Kakarot answered simply with nothing more.

His mission. That had to be what the trial was for, but why? He was sent on that mission by the prince himself. None of it made sense and you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something being left out by Kakarot.

“Shame. The King will be arriving in three weeks. I suggest you send word to your family as well, I’m sure Bardock would want to be present for the sentencing.”

“Sentencing? Like a punishment for doing your job?!” You turned to Kakarot and blurted out without thinking, to everyone’s surprise and shock.

Kakarot finally looked at you, with complete disappointment that you’d made a sound let alone basically shouted.

“Is there a problem, human?” Vegeta addressed you directly.

Bulma stood beside him with wide eyes, shaking her head slowly to signal an answer to you. You took the hint and immediately tried to retract your interruption.

“N-No, Prince Vegeta. Sorry.” You stammered and averted your gaze from his.

Vegeta kept his gaze set on you for a moment before returning to Kakarot, “we’re finished here, Kakarot, I suggest you get better control over your human.”

Kakarot nodded and grabbed your arm as he pulled you along with him, the same way you’d entered the palace at the urgency of Bulma, you were exiting with Kakarot. You glanced back at her to see a look of pure panic on her face, but you knew it wasn’t for herself, but for you and Kakarot.

He remained silent as he flew you home, keeping you tucked against his chest. The anxiety in your stomach about flying had been replaced by anxiety about the upcoming trial and sentencing. You wanted to simultaneously stay out of whatever it was, but also know what the hell was about to happen in three weeks. Kakarot descended when you arrived at the house, letting your feet touch the ground and pushing past you into the house.

You followed him inside and closed the door behind you, “Kakarot, I’m-“

“No. You don’t get to speak. You’ve said enough.” He pointed at you angrily before he turned to walk away from you but turned back around quickly, “do you realize what could have happened? Vegeta could have killed us both where we stood for no other reason than the annoyance of hearing your voice.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just… I don’t understand what just happened. What’s a trial? And sentencing sounds like a prison sentence.”

“It’s not a prison sentence, it’s more of a death sentence and due to your little outburst, it could very well end up that way for both of us.” His anger flared and for the first time since he bought you, you felt genuinely afraid of him.

“It doesn’t seem fair and you’re just letting the prince condemn you to death.” You didn’t know what had come over you, but you couldn’t stop yourself from arguing the injustice of the situation.

“Don’t talk about what you don’t know. Prince Vegeta has done more… nevermind. I need to contact my family, I expect dinner to be done when I return.” He brushed past you again as he headed out the door, slamming it behind him.

You were left feeling dumbfounded by the entire conversation. None of it, not one word of it made sense. You felt like humans weren’t the only prisoners on the planet and that there were worse fates than serving as a maid to a saiyan.

As you prepared dinner you replayed the events in your mind. Everything happened so fast it was hard to make sense of it in the moment, plus your anxiety didn’t help the situation. Kakarot seemed so calm, but the second you were back in private, he let his anger rage. You knew you’d messed up, but there had to be more than that. Maybe he was afraid? More worried than he let on? There was also the question about the other saiyans. He had returned, but in bad shape and without the others. You had so many questions, but you knew they wouldn’t be answered, not by Kakarot.

Dinner was done and by the time you started setting out plates, Kakarot returned. He still seemed irritated with you, but clearly not as angry. He took his seat at the table and waited in silence. Something had changed in just the few short hours he was gone, and you could feel it. There was a tension, a weight that sat in the room between you, unspoken, but there nonetheless. You ate in silence for the most part, glancing up at him to see him basically picking at his food, which was out of character for him completely.

“Something wrong with the food?” You asked, knowing the answer already.

“You have two choices and I don’t want this to be an argument so just listen and tell me which you’d prefer.” He stared down at his food.

“Um, okay.” You sat your fork down and leaned back in your chair, giving him your full attention.

“Once I’m sentenced, the question remains on what to do with my possessions, which unfortunately includes you. You can either be placed back into the auction for bidding after the trial or find another saiyan to buy you before the trial.”

The realization that you were nothing more than property wasn’t what hurt you the most, it was that you’d have to go through everything again, or worse, just to survive.

“Not arguing, but is there a third option?” You tried to remain as calm as possible but inside you were fully panicking.

“The arena. Or one of the breeding houses.” He said curtly.

“I feel like it’s already self-explanatory, but what’s a ‘breeding house’?”

He finally met your gaze, “saiyans who can’t afford to buy a human outright go there to mate with them. I’m sure you’re aware of the assumption about human-saiyan hybrids.”

You sat back with the weight of your options, none of which sounded very appealing.

“Do I have to choose now?”

He dropped his fork on the plate and pushed his chair back, frustrated with everything that was happening, “no, but soon. If you have another saiyan in mind-“

“Another saiyan? I only know three total, you, Raditz, and the prince, and I’m not feeling real confident about my survival chances with either of them.” It wasn’t like you had many good choices in front of you.

“It’s your decision, but I would avoid going to Raditz. He always wants what I have, even if that means destroying it to keep me from having it.” It was surprising to hear him speak so openly about his brother’s flaws and their relationship.

“I’ll take that into consideration. Any advice on the prince? I think he already hates me so maybe not the best option either.”

“Intimidating, but you’d have a slightly better chance of living, especially with you being friends with his human.”

It felt like you were having an actual conversation with him that wasn’t arguing or completely one sided. You hated that it was under these circumstances, but you were glad to at least feel a little less alone and for the moment he was on your level. You continued to talk as long as he would allow, asking him more about saiyan culture and the saiyan-human hybrid situation. Bulma had told you a little, but not much. He didn’t fully understand the science behind it, but it was rumored that half-breeds would have a higher power level at birth and could even surpass their parent’s. Kakarot seemed to buy into it somewhat, but no saiyan had successfully produced offspring with a human yet.

“It’s only a matter of time, I guess.” You stood and carried your plate to the sink before returning for his.

As you reached for his plate, his tail quickly coiled around your wrist, making you freeze instantly. You glanced over at him before looking down at his tail again. The simple act meant more this time since you knew how their tails operated. You sat the plate back down on the table and used your other hand to slowly unwrap his tail from your wrist. Instead of releasing it immediately, you gently ran your fingers along the soft appendage, which elicited a low groan from him.

Kakarot watched you intensely, your hand moving softly over his tail. In any other circumstance he would have pulled it away immediately, but there was something curious about how you handled it, not to mention the spikes of pleasure from each brush of your fingers. You had complete control over him, one harsh movement and he would be in the floor at your disposal. He was unsure if you were aware of the fact or not, but he still didn’t hold any concern about you doing it, accidentally or not. When you finally released his tail and let it fall to the side, he realized he wasn’t ready for the contact to stop.

He grabbed your wrist and tugged you down closer, he was hesitant, but there was something that pulled him to you. He ghosted his lips against yours, still unsure if he should continue, but you made the decision for him. You pressed your lips to his and leaned into his kiss. He wrapped his tail around your waist, wanting to keep you as close as possible as your lips moved together in perfect sync. The soft brush of your tongue along his lips made his tail tighten as he pulled you closer against his chest.

You placed one hand against his broad chest, holding yourself up so you didn’t melt into him completely. You should have fought it, but you didn’t want to. You wanted this, to have his lips on yours, his hands exploring your body, and his tail wrapped around you. It was the first time you actually felt wanted and you had been craving intimacy for so long. You weren’t sure if it was your shared impending doom, but it didn’t feel wrong on any level. Your freehand ran along the length of his tail, lightly brushing your fingers over the soft fur and hearing his low groans in response to each touch. His large hands traveled up your back, pressing you against him more as if he was trying to remember what it feels like to have your body flush with his.

Time felt like it had stopped for you both, keeping you connected in this moment, unable to break away for fear of the clock starting again. It was a welcome distraction from your unknown fates.

[starlightwrites]

Are you still doing those prompts? Because if you are- 41 for cori and gage would be hella fluffy

Hi Nonny!

Sorry it took me a bit to get to this, but thank you so much for asking! I liked this one, though I think the spirit took me down an angsty-er road. That said, I hope you like it!

For the Angst/Fluff prompts!

Favorable Results

Corinne was inthe process of making a list in her head.

Pack? Fine. Shehadn’t expected trouble from them, and they hadn’t surprised her with itanyways, which was ideal.

Mason? In goodspirits. Having the time of his life with Cito and the gorillas, downrightdelighted by the whole situation. It had been a fifty-fifty chance, knowingwhat she did about the Pack and their leader. They’d either try to tear Cito topieces or adopt him as one of their own. All-in-all, everyone seemed to get akick out of the local Wildman and his family, and hell, if they were allgetting along so famously, that worked perfectly fine for her.

Nisha was stillbitter about how things had shaken out but, at least for now, she seemed to bekeeping to herself. Construction continued at the Red Rocket, though what thefinal product would look like was anyone’s guess. It was a lot of land and, fornow, she had a lot of supplies.

Otherwise, theDisciples seemed to be doing well. They were busy enough rebuilding and didn’tseem to have the time or energy for half the delinquency they were known for—betweenfortifying the station and transferring people to and from the Mansion, theyhad their hands full. While they leered at Cori and Gage as they walked throughthe station, they were less trouble than Cori had expected.

All in all? Sofar, so good.

(Continued under the cut!)

Since theyweren’t heading up to the Mansion for now, she decided to end the day checkingon the Operators at the Galactic Zone and the Gulch. She’d wrap up quick, mostlikely, since Mags and William tended to fall in-line pretty fast.

Overall,everything seemed in order. William spotted them as soon as they’d passedthrough the gates and led them up to Mags’ temporary base of operations in theStarport ground floor, near where she’d seen that old suit of Power Armor.

It seemed allwas running as usual; Mags didn’t have any complaints or any suggestions whenthey chatted, offering a glass of wine and a pack of cigarettes almost as soonas Corinne stepped into her “office” by the wall of terminals. No to both, butthanks. Mags eyed her, but didn’t say a word about it. After running throughher list of questions about repairs, supplies, and morale, Mags mentioned thatthe Operators weren’t just settling in. No, as her top gang (a presumptuousassertion, but she let it slide), the Operators had their top scientist workingon something new.

With a viper’ssmile, Mags sent them up to the second floor of the Starport, to where the woman,Lizzie something-or-other, had a little lab set up.

“Ah! Overboss. Itake it Mags mentioned my new project?” A petite brunette woman looked up froma ramshackle chem lab, tweaking her skirt and holding out a hand. Lizzie, then.

The floor, whichhad been a glorified elevator landing when she and Gage had cleared the place, wasnow covered in desks topped with notes, beakers, and at least three functioningterminals. Whatever Lizzie was doing, Mags had enough interest to see to itthat Lizzie had the space to function. Corinne made a mental note to keep aneye on this situation. If Mags thought it was worth the time, space, and caps,then it was probably dangerous.

Lizzie’s eyestrained in on hers with a laser-focus. She ushered them into the new labgraciously enough, offering them a seat.

“I,” Lizziestarted, hands clasped together in her lap, “have been working on diffusingdifficult sitations. Stationed between the Pack animals and Nisha’s monsters,it only seemed wise to focus some attention on maintaining this peace you’vegiven us.”

“Soundsinteresting,” Cori responded. Best to remain neutral just now, in case this wassomething horrific. Lizzie’s tone was friendly enough, however, though her eyesmoved from Cori to Gage like she was watching a showdown. Waiting. Deciding. Shereached behind her and grabbed a couple of gas masks off the table. Gage’s handtightened around the gun on his hip.

“I have ademonstration for you. Here, you will want these. I will let you know when toput them on.” She handed them each a mask and then grabbed a third for herself.With the mask in her lap, she slid a drawer open in the desk behind her andpulled out a small canister—a smoke grenade, if she was seeing right.

“See, I’ve founda combination of psychoactive chemicals that, combined with a common smokegrenade, can release into the air and create a sort of calm in most life. I’vetested this on molerats primarily, but I did have one human subject whoresponded favorably. The results,” she added, “are promising.”

Lizzie’s smilewidened and she dropped the smoke grenade before giving them any kind ofwarning.  Gage managed to get his gasmask on in time, but Cori hadn’t been so lucky. She just. Hadn’t expectedLizzie to try something. Not with the gangs working together, not with Gage byher side, and not with Mags and William kept complacent with the influx interritory space. Corinne wasn’t used to miscalculating like that.

Before she couldget the mask up, she tasted the gas on the air. Sweet? Almost? Likemarshmallow, but starchier. It felt like there was a film on her tongue, andeven though she could feel the distress mounting at the distraction, shecouldn’t stop herself from opening and closing her mouth, trying to shake thefeeling.

Her head washazy. Breathing was hard—thick air, not quite like smoke anymore. More likefoam? No, not that either. A slight panic spasmed in her chest, but pinpointingits cause was getting harder and harder as she slipped in and out offocus.  

“Overboss?”Lizzie’s voice floated to her, soft and melodic. Something about that thoughtwas funny? Made her laugh, just a little, and then she was short of breathagain. Gasping.

Gage grabbed herarm, fingers digging into her skin.

“What was that?”His voice was terse, but that made her laugh a little too, because it soundedfunny, like he was talking through a radio. Some part of her realized thatwasn’t really all that funny, but she couldn’t stop? Panic again, but duller.Not so much a stab as a poke.

Everything feltkinda nice, now. Light. Warm. Fuzzy.

“Of course, I’vealready inoculated myself just in case, but as you can see, the gas creates aeuphoric state in those who inhale it. Makes them quite suggestible.”Lizzie crossed to the doorway. “Overboss? Stand up straight.”

Corinne didn’tknow why she did it, but she did, straightening her shoulders and tipping herchin up. And that felt good too.

“Very good. Now,if you will, walk over to that railing.”

Railing? Herfeet were moving before she’d even fully processed the sentence, tugging herout of Gage’s hold and shuffling towards the railing around the Starport’ssecond floor. Her eyes were unfocused and she couldn’t make them hone in onanything, but her hip hit the metal rail and she stopped, waiting.

Waiting? Yes.Waiting.

There was alittle voice in the back of her head whispering that this was very bad, but shecouldn’t make out its reasoning.

“Overboss, wouldyou please stand on the railing? Top rung, if you don’t mind.”

The voice glidedthrough her but Corinne could barely assemble the words into a sentence in herhead. Still, her feet moved again, hands gripping the metal as she climbed up.One rung. Two. She wobbled. How funny! Back and forth, swaying. Finally, sheplanted her feet on the top rung and straightened out. Every breeze caressedher skin with cool fingers, pulling her. There was no way she was moving asmuch as she felt, but it was almost like she was on a swing, rocking.

“That’s enough!”Gage’s voice cut through, sharp and almost painful. Uncomfortable?

“I wouldn’t takeanother step, Gage. She’s pretty high up and could fall at any moment.”

“You don’t knowwho you’re fucking with, Lizzie,” Gage growled. “If Mags doesn’t kill you forupsetting the balance of power, the other gangs sure as shit will.”

“Speaking ofbalance.”

Lizzie’s voicewas so comforting. So soft. And when she gently urged Cori to lift one foot?Cori did it. Everything tipped, tilting, colors rushing around her like awatercolor painting in the rain. Falling? But she didn’t have the energy toworry about it.

Two strong armslocked around her waist, squeezing tight, pinning her arms to her sides andhauling her back from the railing. Metal bars pressed against her back,suddenly sharp and painful though she couldn’t force herself to squirm away.

“She’scompletely compliant now. Nice, isn’t it?” Lizzie’s voice was a light humdrifting towards her as if she was under water or floating high above. “As I said,human studies have returned highly favorable results.”

“Fix it. Now.”She could feel the thrum of Gage’s voice against her, baritone.

Something waswrong. He was upset; his teeth ground together with a low grating sound shecould only barely hear through the gas mask on his face. Gas mask. Wasn’t shesupposed to be wearing one of those? The thought was too hazy to latch onto,but it felt important. She missed whatever he said next, trying to figure outwhat she was supposed to do with it, but whatever he’d ground out, Lizzielooked different. Lips downturned and pursed. Eyebrows furrowed. Arms crossed? Disappointed?Mad? She couldn’t tell, but something must be wrong. Corinne tried to saysomething to diffuse the situation, but she couldn’t get the words right. Hertongue felt heavy and too thick, and the sounds that came out were all tangled.

“Regardless, itwill wear off.” Lizzie waved a hand dismissively, the grin coming back to herface. All better.

“How long?”

“An hour, maybeless,” she shrugged. “I have no intention of irritating Mags or our dearOverboss. Just demonstrating my worth, if you will. I hope that, when she comesaround, she remembers how valuable my research is. Especially moving forward.”

Gage stiffenedbehind her and then, shifting to let go, grabbed her elbow and steered heraway. She stumbled alongside, passed raiders and old rides, until they were atthe entrance to the park. When she faltered, Gage urged her forward quietly,half under his breath. Right. Moving. She followed before even processing thecommand. The frown etched into his mouth deepened, but she couldn’t think ofwhy he’d be so upset.

On their waythrough the gates, she looked back to see Mags Black standing high up in aguard post, watching over the rims of her dark sunglasses. Corinne tried tostick out a hand to wave but found that she really couldn’t figure out how tomove her arm. All of her energy went towards moving her feet, keeping pace withGage. He didn’t slow until they were well out of the park and out of sights.

In the badlandsbetween the Galactic Zone and Nuka Town, he stopped short and turned so quickthat she walked right into him and almost toppled over backwards.

“Princess? Cori,are you still in there?”

What a funnyquestion! Where else would she be? She opened her mouth to tell him as much,but again, the words wouldn’t form. Worse, this time. She couldn’t figure outhow to make sound at all. Her dry throat rasped, but there wasn’t a real sound.Nothing came out.

“Can you talk?”

Her mouth movedbut she couldn’t remember the shapes now either? She opened her mouth wider,snapped it shut, tried to move her lips, but it all felt numb. Her handsscrambled for purchase on his shirt, gripping the fabric tight through the barsof his armor. He wanted her to talk. She had to talk. She tried again, but hertongue was frozen? Or maybe it wasn’t even there? Panic spiked through her andthat was when it occurred to her that she couldn’t remember how to breathe.

Her lungsweren’t working. Nothing was working right. Spots bloomed across her vision andshe clenched her fists tighter, pulling Gage closer to show him, to make himunderstand that she couldn’t breathe. That she was going to die.

That thought waslike the toll of a bell in her gut. Dizzy. Gasping. Ink eked in on the edges ofher vision like it had spilled somewhere behind her eyelids.

“Corinne. Take adeep breath. S’alright. You’re gonna be alright.” His voice didn’t soundalright, though. Strained. Rough.

“That’sit.”

She must havetaken a breath, because the tight feeling in her chest eased a bit.

“Take anotherbreath. Breathe in, Princess.”

She did as shewas told, and his face swam in front of her, getting clearer by the second. Adizzy, sleepy feeling washed through her and she swayed on her feet.

“We’re gonna getyou home, alright? I’ll carry you back to Fizztop so you can sleep it off.We’ll figure out what to do when you’re back in your head.”

Gage strippedoff the bulky frame of his armor, cinched it to his ruck, and slid her pack offher shoulders. When he had situated his own gear, he looped an arm through herpack as well and then leaned forward. Very gently, one arm curled behind herback while the other swept under her knees. In a second, she was floating,light as air and curled comfortably against the expanse of his chest; the heatfrom his skin soaked into hers and her eyelids dragged, almost shutting. Withher head rested against his skin, she could hear the steady thump of hisheartbeat. She still couldn’t talk right, but she tried to say his nameanyways. The sound that came out was barely more than a groggy whimper.

“Don’t beafraid,” he mumbled. He adjusted his hold and set off as her eyes finallyfluttered shut.  So quiet she almost didn’thear him, he added, “I’m here.”

[nyruratchet]

Notes 4 - The Morning After

“People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

There are pills for straight couples to avoid pregnancy after a few moments of bliss, there are pills to help people stay safe from contracting HIV, there are pills to recorrect the chemical imbalance for people struggling with mental issues; there are pills for EVERYTHING, but no one has derived a magical pill to fix the pain one feels when forced to wake up the morning after valentine’s day alone.

Actually, this problem doesn’t just exist on Valentine’s day. But, seeing as how I’m perpetually single, I can attest to the fact that this day is the most painful (all other holidays come second). Just yesterday, someone asked a question, “yall fall in love with niggas y’all meet on apps??”

My response: Honestly, what are the other options? This is a legitimate question...

Him: Go meet someone in real life...apps aren’t real life! You don’t know that nigga til u see him. In real life, u see everything you as over and over on the app.

Me: You do (meet them), but those are the same guys on the apps. And no one gives you the time of day at bars, events, etc. So, ur stuck with friends of friends, coworkers (nope) and apps...really (WTF?)

Him: Idk who y’all meeting but niggs stay tryin to see wassup on the low when I’m out...especially the damn gym!

Now, I then had to check him and remind him that, just because YOU are so attractive and have thousands of followers that men just flock to you, THAT IS NOT the average gay man’s reality. Just recently a black man on Grindr says he doesn’t like black men. Only whites and latinos. Yep, this is the world I live in. So when you all think I’m crazy to think I’m not in someone’s league, please know there are factors in the chess game that I’m aware of that you have NO CLUE about. Being the darker brother in the gay community is not easy and constantly I am made to feel like I’m not worthy of inclusion in it. Being dark is not acceptable. Nor is being skinny. Nor is not having a BBC (which is all anyone seems to value from us). Nor is being open to love; I’ve been faulted way too many times for that tbh. Almost as many times as I’ve been skinny-shamed or considered fem. Guys in our community are looking more for TS girls than black men. Period. I see “girls” on Grindr far too much. THERE, I said what I said. Grindr’s way of dealing with this influx...ask me to list myself as a CIS man. NO THE FUCK I WILL NOT! I’m a man. These labels are too much. can’t meet men in bars or apps or work. So, let me know...HOW?

To lose my virginity I had to get on craigslist and whore myself out like a rentboy (no money involved) only to get this catfish older man to respond. I was 21 years old and saw this as my only chance before moving to NY. Guys throughout my life up until this point (as i wrote about in my last post) had been ignoring me. I was invisible in the world of gay sex. I might as well have been a eunuch or a monk. I was always the “friend”...still am. So, I took this less then adequate gentleman and let him penetrate me for the first time; give me my first kiss (yuck, it was awful); and teach me a few things. I thought, after this, I’ll never have to settle for less than I deserve...BOY was I wrong.

Back to the part about me being invisible for a moment. Throughout high school, people knew I was gay. I told a few guys and expressed interest and they paid me no attention. COME TO FIND OUT, my (at the time good) friend Jonathan, had slept with a quite a few of them. (Backstory, I fell for Jonathan, he spurned me too, we became great friends, he then transitioned into being a woman, and now we don’t really talk). So, When I found this out, I was devastated. TO THIS DAY, I will never understand why I was not enough. I was SOOOOO nice to these guys. Dustin used to get picked on in middle school, and I used to stand up for him. Nick was the most beautiful boy in the world in high school with a smile that could like up the darkest soul and I would always root for him, etc. But, I wasn’t who they wanted. I mean, You think I’m a good guy now, you should have known me back then. I was such a kind spirit. My soul is so dark now and I don’t think that will ever be rectified.

These next instances are the reasons I will never be untainted. THESE STORIES ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. If you don’t want to cry, feel sorry for me, or worry, stop reading now.

I have been abused mentally, physically, and emotionally. These stories are in sequential order.

When I was traveling once, I was drinking and felt like fulling one of my fantasies. I don’t remember why, but i know that I hadn’t been touched in a WHILE. And for a person who needs that, just a moment where someone can use you to “get off” is enough to make it through the night. One fantasy that is very popular in the gay community of being fucked by visitor who comes in the unlocked door and fucks you, then leaves after he finishes. No strings attached (NSA), photos presented beforehand (pics), usually some time of safeguards in place. I was new, and it was my fault. This guy sent me pictures on whatever app I was using, think it was Craigslist. He told me all his information, I told him where I was staying and said I’d be blindfolded, ready for him to fuck me when he walked in. As SOON as he walked in, I heard the door close and lock and I had a feeling something was wrong. He came up behind me, naked and grabbed my neck chokingly and SHOVED into me. And this guy’s body was WAY bigger than what he said. He was chub/stocky and nothing like what he had sent me. I tried to tell him to stop, that I didn’t want HIM. But clearly, he had done this before. And this was before catfishing was a THING. So, he wasn’t going to stop no matter how much I struggled. So, I resulted that this was a part of the “fantasy” that I had signed up for. I could NOT call this rape. I will never call that rape. Yes, someone lied to me, wouldn’t stop when I said so, but I was totally in the wrong here. I put myself in a situation to be taken advantage of by a stranger. That is one of the things that makes this fantasy so hot. Just happens in my case, that it went terribly awry,  So, I went limp and let him finish. He left. I locked the door and took down the posting I had made. My throat was on fire and he had pulled my hair too hard. But he was gone and I was alone again. 

Another time in a hotel room, laying over in Washington, Dulles I was getting ready for bed. I was hungry, so put my iphone on the charger, grabbed my food and went for the microwave on another floor. When I came back, my phone was charged enough to check my facebook. As soon as I opened it up, on my timeline it says “PAUL IS IN A RELATIONSHIP”. I said, wait...what? My Paul? the one who I helped move? The one I got a xmas tree for? The one I held while crying? The one I protected from himself? The one whose bed I was JUST in? The guy I had been talking to like every day? My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn’t breathe. Now, I’m not nor have I ever been naive. We weren’t a couple. He wan’t mine. But I wanted him, made it known. He said lots of things that didn’t add up to much. But, I was in his life, so I accepted that until he could give me more. But when I saw THAT status. I LOST it! Why? because he had told me WORD FOR WORD: “I don’t want a relationship right now. I have some little twink guy from this broadway show who likes me, but I’m not interested.” I always did status checks to make sure I didn’t get blindsided. But alas, here I was despite all my effors. My body went NUMB. Tears ran down my face. I dropped to my knees and asked God or whomever was in charge of things WHY the FUCK was it not me?? Am I not cute enough? Am I too poor? Not successful enough? What did I do? I immediately texted my friend Ant and told her what was up and that I was ready to end it. Before I knew it, I was on a 3 way call. What no one knows is, at one point I was bathroom, in the tub, with a razor, a full bottle of advil, a bottle of wine to hopefully make the blood run faster. I had never contemplated killing myself. This was a knee-jerk reaction to someone I loved with every fiber of my being choosing to give his love to someone else who didnt even have to try! If he could throw me away after I gave all I had and more that I didn’t even know I had in me, and he STILL didn’t want me, how is anyone else gonna love/choose me? So, I was ready to end it. Cuz I knew, this would not be the last time this would happen; guys don’t seem to care who they hurt or how. Paul texted me and said he didn’t owe me any explanation “dude”.  But my friends talked me down from that ledge I was prepping to jump off. I also was terrified of doing it. I didn’t know if it would even work. And I didnt want my family to go through that. Till this day, that is why I could never commit suicide. I do think about it, yes. My life sucks. And try as I may, I don’t see a reason for me being here. And yes, I’ve been to many therapists ever since college. Its not a problem that can be talked out. I suffer from depression that can only be assuaged by fixing the problem; the problem is my life. (love, money, music). So, I just try to keep on. I’m not bi-polar; although, sometimes I wish I were. That is a diagnosis that can be managed with medication. My life, cannot be managed. But I’m trying...I am trying.

Now, as I mentioned before, not a big fan of coworker dating/fucking/etc. HOWEVER, there are 2 people I have always said I’d try if I had the chance. Because they may be reading this (doubt it, but I will fight my petty urges), We’ll just call them Trip and Kurt. Now, Trip and I have been messaging off and on doing this whole cat and mouse thing for years. He winds up telling me he’s interested but we couldn’t tell anyone at work; which I agreed to. And would have tried to keep his confidence, FOR HIM. He is really against work relations as well. This all started with grindr and just escalated to us talking off and on. Finally one day, he texts ME and asks “Hey sexy, you in NY?” I wasn’t. Was working. But I never post my whereabouts on FBOOK so, the question was warranted. He said he really wanted to fuck. Our paths kept not being able to cross. So, LONG story short, I rearranged my schedule and we set up a “date” at his place when I got back. I was working a redeye. Told him I’d get home, run my errands take a quick nap and be over to make a full day of it. Trip agrees with everything. I do exactly what I say (I’m a Leo, it’s what we do. We’re consistent. We’re straight forward). I pick up a bottle of $20+ wine to show him I really give a shit and to be courteous because a good southern boy doesn’t arrive at someone’s house empty handed. I knew he had been done wrong and I wanted to put my first foot forward, even if it was just sex he wanted. I message him when I was on the way back home...no response. Ok, I wanna shower. Text him again...tells me he’s out. I say, “ok well just tell me when to head over. I’ll be at home” He says “ok sounds good baby.”  Ok, so I take my hour nap so I don’t miss his text. (For me, you KNOW that is no small feat!) I get up and he still hasn’t messaged me. So I wait...and wait...and wait for 5 hours. Then I text him “Ok...well, headed to bed I guess. Hope you had a good night. (he’s scheduled to work the next day so I KNOW no late fun was happening)  But beforehand, my spidey senses were tingling. So, I got on facebook. OH, he’s out living his best life! Fuck MY time right? Awesome. I had a drink then went to sleep. Next day, he messages me that he fell asleep after getting home. BOO, so...you left your friends (after you went out...yeah, I saw the check-ins), hopped a train, got home, and never NOT ONCE thought to text me to tell me a damn thing?! But you say “sorry” and I’m supposed to just accept that? No. I wanted you past the point of that barrier I placed up barring all guys I worked with. You just took a big dump on that AND made me feel shitty in the process. I took that bottle of white wine to the head by myself at some point btw...

Now Kurt, he’s special...I met him and was immediately entranced. To keep this one shorter, he also told me HE DIDNT WANT TO DATE ANYONE. Guys need to stop telling these motha fuckin lies!  Ok, so I’ll be your friend. But I really like him. So, I’m minding my own business and facebook again notifies me, Kurt is in a relationship. OH? with WHOM? Oh! someone we work with? Someone you met AFTER ME?! Interesting...now, when this boy confessed a secret to me, I was totally loving and told him my past experiences and that he’s and amazing person, etc. So, the next time we work together, I don’t mention his new BF. He brings it up and explains how and why he fell for him. WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT, the boyfriend said the same thing I did about his secret but just BEFORE he happened to conceal it. I tried so hard not to roll my eyes when he told me that. It was like a smack in the face. If you don’t think I’m cute, just say that. But don’t talk about how someone’s heart won you over. Cuz I was here loving on you before. I went back up to my room (tipsy) turned on some Aaliyah and cried myself to sleep. I am never gonna be enough for these boys/men. I saw that now. Paul had recently resurged and re-exited my life after telling me he loved me. I WAITED for that! He was the first man to ever say those words. And they were supposed to mean something! And shortly after...he ghosted me again. So, I’m feeling pretty worthless at this point.

No matter what I do, I’m never good enough. I keep trying to be the best me and there is always someone there saying, nah...this other dude is better. Swipe left. “Thank you, Next” (I don’t like Ariana Grande btw.) I have this fear that when I’m old, some guy I’ve loved forever will find me and say, I married someone else. He’s gone now, he did me wrong. We can be together now. Like I’m only going to be someone’s choice after their first choices have bit the dust. That is NOT okay with me. 

So, here I am on Valentine’s day trying to explain to all of you who have someone to “come home to”. EVEN if you don’t like Vday, do not pretend that this day doesn’t matter or make people feel a certain way. I’m alone AND I’m lonely. Don’t tell me I shouldn’t feel this unless you tell me how to not feel that way; and your explanation better not involve friends. Sorry, friends have their own issues and while checking in and venting is great, they can’t be your life support. They can’t help you take care of your heart. Especially if they are married, have kids, etc. You’re the single 3rd wheel. 

I tried to take myself to the movies. The movies I wanted were all sold out by couples. Dinner, tables full. So, I ate leftovers from yesterday’s dinner I cooked and am halfway through this bottle of wine. You cannot fault a person for wanting love. Finding it may have been somewhat easy/happenstance for you. And I try not to fault YOU for that. Everything has been hard for me. Literally, everything. That’s the only reason I’m still here. Because when something happens, I yell, scream, vent, handle it like Olivia Pope, then continue on. No one is there at night when i lay down. No one said Happy Valentine’s day to me today. No one is gonna smile at me when i wake up in the morning.  Nope, I have to survive my morning after by myself. No pill in hand to help.

“Children needing other children, yet letting our grown-up pride hide all the need inside...acting more like children, than children.”

[spiteweaver]

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It wasn’t unusual for Clan Feldspar to see an influx of new residents in the spring. The caravans were becoming active again after several eons of winter, and it was a good time for nesting, as any hatchlings born would be fledged by the end of summer. Even with the reversal of Sornieth’s weather patterns, or perhaps because of it, the southern Sunbeam Ruins remained a safe, comfortable place for dragons from all walks to perch.

Calcifer was just one of many to have made the move. His homeland, the Ashfall Waste, was in turmoil, and he had never been the sort to involve himself in political affairs (though if you pressed him, he would throw his lot in with Por). So, seeking quieter quarters, he had traveled north to inspect the lands beyond his Flight.

The Shifting Expanse had left him rattled to his bones. There was too much errant electricity in the air, and it didn’t agree with him in the slightest. He was not yet ancient, but he was by no means young, so keeping up with the fast pace Lightning dragons set was a tall order.

For a while, he had lazed about on the Water border, but his natural affinity had eventually driven him inland. Although the shores of the Sea of a Thousand Currents were breathtaking, and the villages along them often provided exactly the relaxed atmosphere he sought, he simply couldn’t stand being near so much water for very long.

Feldspar was to be the final stop on his journey. Its people were friendly, its location was convenient, and it had plenty of vacant land tucked away in isolated corners. He toured a dozen or more of these plots, and fell in love with a small patch of woodland far enough from the capital to be cozy, but close enough for him to come into town whenever he pleased.

It was perfect for an old hearth witch like him.

So it was that on the fine afternoon the day after his arrival in-territory, Calcifer could be found speaking candidly with Dreamweaver and Banrai in the town square. He was taken with the pair, thinking them almost impossibly polite and hospitable; they were equally as taken with him, if their eagerness to keep up the conversation was any indication.

“Now there’s a sight,” Seaglass commented from afar.

“Hmm? What?” Atsushi glanced up from his book and around the square. “Are you ogling Hart again? I would’ve thought he would be in Aphaster, with all that’s been going on of late.”

Seaglass snorted. “It’s not Hart,” he said, “though I wish it was, now you mention ‘im. No, look, it’s Dreamweaver; they’ve really hit it off with that new fella. He must be a saint.”

“That is unusual,” Atsushi agreed. “I wish they’d talk to me like that...”

“Well ya did almost destabilize their clan,” Seaglass reminded.

Atsushi groaned and buried his nose in his book again. “Don’t go letting the fresh meat hear you say that,” he grumbled. “I’d like a chance at making a good first impression for once.”

“Does Carnelian need to be worried?”

“You’ll need to be worried if you don’t watch yourself.”

Calcifer did not catch the finer details of their back-and-forth, but he noticed their eyes on him. He noticed quite a lot of eyes on him, in fact. All over the square, faces were turning toward him, bright with curiosity. “Feldspars love a newcomer,” Dreamweaver said when they caught him staring. “Don’t worry; I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”

“It’s all just a bit overwhelming,” Calcifer confessed with a weak smile. “I feel like I’m on display...”

“Well, there are plenty of singles here who’d say you are!” Banrai joked.

“Oh, they wouldn’t want a geezer like me,” Calcifer said. “All these pretty young things--they could do much better. I’d bore them with my crocheting.” Even so, his gaze wandered again, and a slight warmth rose in his cheeks. “It is nice to be appreciated, though.”

“Try your luck,” Banrai pressed. “You’ll find more than one dragon here who’d appreciate a drake who can crochet!”

“Have you been mated before, Calcifer?” Dreamweaver asked.

“Once or twice,” Calcifer replied, “though never for very long, and I’ve no children to show for it. I did what I felt was expected of me, but I was young, so I hadn’t yet grown much of an appreciation for love.”

“Just steer clear of Beleth,” Banrai suggested.

“Why? Is he a widower?”

“Nothing quite so drastic.” Dreamweaver crinkled their nose, searching for the right words. It was difficult to describe someone like Beleth without coming across as a bit mean-spirited. “He’s not a bad drake,” they said at length, “but he really has no shame. A gentledrake like you would be better suited to someone with a bit more, er, tact.”

Just then, a shot rang out through the square. Banrai forced Dreamweaver behind him, and Calcifer, being the largest of the three, placed himself in front of the founders, his wings flaring wide. Across the plaza, Seaglass and Atsushi ducked, magic already swirling at their fingertips.

“Hell’s bells,” Seaglass exclaimed, “it’s Branwen again!”

“What’s he gone off about this time?” Banrai called.

“Couldn’t say! Some poor bloke probably touched a nerve!”

“Is this a regular occurrence?” Calcifer asked.

“More than we’d like for it to be,” Dreamweaver muttered. They nudged past their husband and Calcifer, rolling up their sleeves as they went. “He’s a fire witch,” they explained, “so he has a nasty temper. I’m sorry about this, Calcifer. I’d hoped we might get through one day without an incident.”

“It’s fine,” Calcifer said. “Let me come with you. I’m a hearth witch, so I’ve had my fair share of experience with fire witches.”

“I couldn’t let you--”

“I’ve already made up my mind.”

They did not get very far, however, before Branwen arrived on the scene, dragging a stranger behind him. Judging by his dress, Branwen’s latest victim was from one of the Dragonhome caravans. What he had done or said to earn the fire witch’s ire, they could only begin to imagine.

“This ought to be good,” Atsushi sneered.

“Oh dear,” said Dreamweaver, “he’s really gone and lost his temper this time. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to get through to him.”

“We’ll think of something,” Banrai replied.

It seemed that Calcifer already had, as when they looked up from their deliberation, he had left their side and strode boldly forward to meet Branwen in the center of the square. Dreamweaver moved to follow in a panic, but Banrai held them back.

“You must be Branwen,” Calcifer said, “and you seem troubled. Maybe I can help.”

“Get this lunatic off of me!” the stranger cried. Branwen’s grip on his shirt collar tightened, turning his knuckles white. “He just--he just came at me and started screechin’ his head off!”

“He’s...” Branwen grit his teeth. Calcifer could see him fighting against the urge to act, and took another tentative step forward. “He’s awful!” Branwen shouted. “He’s a monster! I had to do something! I had to--if I hadn’t, he would’ve--”

“Ok,” Calcifer said, “ok, so he’s done something wrong. Tell me what happened.”

“I’m trying!”

A burst of flames engulfed Calcifer, and Seaglass surged forward, drawing water from the fountain to quench Branwen’s magic. A sudden swell of panic arose in the square. Dreamweaver ripped free of their mate’s grasp, and the light of their Patron flared to life in their palms.

Calcifer, now drenched, shook himself. Both he and his clothing appeared unscathed. “You know,” he said, wringing water out of his hair, “if I’d been anyone else, that might’ve killed me. You should be more careful.”

“Thank goodness,” Dreamweaver panted as they reached him, “oh, I thought--I thought for sure you’d--”

“I told you,” Calcifer said, flashing them a lopsided smile, “I’ve had my fair share of experience with fire witches. Thanks for the assist, uh--”

“Seaglass,” Seaglass supplied, and gave Calcifer a quick once-over while Dreamweaver fussed with his nonexistent injuries. “Cor, not a burn on ya. You’re made of solid rock, you are.”

“It’s a good thing my clothes are as enchanted as I am.”

“Branwen,” Dreamweaver started, but held their tongue when they noted the horrified expression on Branwen’s face. He dropped the stranger, who was quick to put some distance between them, and pressed both hands over his mouth. “Well,” Dreamweaver said, “I suppose that was an accident then. However, Calcifer is right; a witch of your ability can’t afford to lose their head.”

Just as soon as it had come, Branwen’s embarrassment melted into a fresh wave of anger. He pointed a trembling finger at the stranger, his cheeks still deeply flushed. “He’s a slaver,” he informed tersely. “He snuck in with the caravan. I caught him badgering Asura. He’s lucky Haematica wasn’t here; she would’ve done worse. I just singed him a little.”

“A slaver?” Dreamweaver placed a hand over their heart. “How on earth...?”

“Deal with him,” Branwen spat. Then he turned on his heel and stormed out of the square.

“Seaglass,” Dreamweaver said, “would you be so kind as to fetch Solaire? I’ll see that our ‘guest’ doesn’t wander off. Gracious, what a mess; a slaver, in Feldspar lands. It’ll be the death of me.”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Banrai asked. Calcifer paused mid-step, his shoulders hunching reflexively. Banrai drew up alongside him; his expression was stern, but still somehow comforting. “That was awfully reckless,” he said. “I’m not usually the one who gives the lectures, but you really should have let us handle matters.”

“No, I--I understand,” Calcifer assured, “I just felt--I felt bad for him. He was so upset; I couldn’t stand seeing someone hurting like he was. I could tell that he was trying to keep a level head, but he couldn’t manage it, and I thought I might be able to talk him down.”

Banrai sighed, but gave no further admonishment. “You did better than most,” he conceded. “Truthfully, that went about as well as it could have. I think even I would have had a hard time withstanding a focused blast like that, and it wasn’t likely that we were going to be able to get through to him.” He looked in the direction Branwen had gone, his gaze thoughtful. “You want to go after him, don’t you?”

“I feel like I may have overstepped my bounds,” Calcifer mumbled sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to embarrass him, and I get the sense he’s not the sort of drake I want to get off on the wrong foot with.”

“Go on then,” Banrai said. “Dreamy and I will take care of things here.”

“Tread lightly,” Seaglass warned as he passed with Atsushi. “It doesn’t take a slaver to get him riled.”

“I’ll...” Calcifer touched a hand to his chest. His shirt was still warm from the intensity of Branwen’s magic. Rather than worrying him, as he knew it should have, he felt oddly soothed by the gentle heat. “I’ll keep that in mind.”