#sorry I just wantted to put this into words somewhere because ive been just letting this simmerfor 5or 6 years | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bfwonho · 2 months ago

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AITA but i dont wanna use reddit

ok you know what here is the situation. my (only recently) 20 yr old friend (i met them four years ago when we both worked at mcd) lived with their strict, emotionally abusive, overprotective parents until recently. their parents would confiscate tech for yrs at a time, wouldn't let them get vaccinated (i had to help them do that), guilt and shame them, etc. also obviously homophobic and my friend is transfem nb and queer. theyre also the eldest sibling of quite a few and had to handle the pressure of that responsibility and their parents never wanted them to do normal things like getting a car and moving out. i was always there encouraging them even when we stopped working together bc i was like fuck this naive gullible homeschooled kid has no one and they remind me of my younger sibling and im gonna be there for them as much as i can. the only reason they even got a car eventually is cus i kept telling them to so they cld move out

cut back to barely a year ago, they're still so naive and gullible they've lent like 1k+ to ppl who won't pay them back, but they still have like 10-20k in savings and now their own car. they also get into digital art with my help and get into furry porn or whatever. im like ok i guess ur an adult now do what u want. and then theyre like "ive got an online partner from CANADA!!! (we r australian) don't freak out i know it's bad but he's 30." i'm like oh god. they've been together 3 months ish and my friend RLY wants to visit their fuckass boyfriend and i'm like please be careful, please wait at least a year, i know u wont wanna listen to how i rly feel about this but at least just take these precautions. i'm also like when you do meet irl he should come here ur barely 19 and he's 30 like it only makes sense. and theyre like "thank u i promise i will do that"

and then maybe 10 or 11 months into their relationship i find out my friend is in canada with their bf, and has been for like a month, and i only know this bc they're asking if i can pick them up from sydney airport. im like errr that's pretty far away but take the train and i'll pick you up from the station and they're like ok sure! and i ask a bit more about it and find out they believe their parents have been hacking into their laptop because why else would they be suspicious that this canadian guy is their boyfriend, i'm like actually no offense but it's really fucking obvious i don't think they did that... and they're like "yeah anyway my parents are no longer picking me up which is why i need a lift, i admitted i have a boyfriend and they're calling him a pedo (and i almost agree but i just smile and nod) and so i'm not going back and taking their bs anymore, i'm gonna sleep in my car if i have to" so i offer for them to stay at my place for a few weeks.

they go get their stuff from their place, i buy them a pizza cus they havent had dinner, i help them get their stuff inside, set up a temporary bed. they tell me they plan to be out within a few days, i tell them they can stay longer if they need to, but currently their only job is doordash and they should focus on getting a real job so they can find a place and i'm more than happy to help them find somewhere. theyre the type of person to say sorry for everything and not let themselves ever feel comfortable, so i make sure they know they can use the kitchen and bathroom and everything while they're here and to not feel like a huge burden, im gonna be charging them a tiny bit of rent anyway so yeah.

now tell me why it's been over a month, they've applied to only a few places, i specifically put in a good word with them at my job and told them to call back and ask about the application and they just haven't, they've just been doordashing and filling my entire fridge and cupboard with their food, i tell them to use the laundromat cus we don't have enough space for their washing too and they end up asking if they can use our washing machine anyway (i reluctantly say yes), they destroy all my kitchen sponges on washing this one shitty pan i have cus they have to cook an entire grand meal from scratch for breakfast lunch and dinner, they wash up but i'm the only person who cleans the floors and the bathroom so now i'm feeling cramped and stressed out...

i ask my mum about what to do, she says give them 2 weeks to move out, my mum is a guarantor on my lease so in the group chat i explain the situation and say they have 2 weeks, they NEVER RESPOND and start not coming home until late at night... i'm considering moving into another place with a friend atp so i'm like yo maybe you can get on this lease and THEN they respond and start showing up again... and today i called and updated mum on the situation and her partner got on the phone, me and my sibling only got this place cus he apparently called in a favour cus we were rly struggling to find any fucking housing, and so he says "tell him i mean THEMMM if theyre not out tomorrow i will forcibly remove them" and so my sibling makes sure to tell them this face to face so they cant avoid actually responding. i also find out today that this whole time they've been flat broke (to the point they had to borrow my money just to get petrol despite doordashing like 40 hours a week) because they HAVE BEEN HELPING. PAY. THEIR GROWN ASS. SHITTY FUCKING USELESS. PARTNERS. RENT. THIS GROWN ASS MAN NOT ONLY HAD THEM PAY TO GO SEE HIM AND SUCK HIM OFF AND COOK FOR HIM. NOT ONLY WAS LETTING THEM GO BACK TO AUSTRALIA AND JUST BE HOMELESS. BUT HE IS ACTIVELY TAKING THEIR FUCKING MONEY. despite all of this i am deep down INCREDIBLY GLAD that my mum's partner put his foot down to get them out of my house and i feel guilty about it despite risking eviction cus im breaking my lease agreement by having them here loooll

tldr my 20 yr old friend has been living in my house illegally for over a month bc they refuse to go back to their shitty parents, they are however broke and don't have a stable job and their 30 yr old boyfriend is leeching off of them, and now i'm essentially kicking them out of my place within 2 days because my own housing security is at risk

#if anyone actually reads this... damn

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bitchywaifuwu · 2 years ago

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Could u do a Do Shik request? Please

Where he and y/n used to date but then y/n broke up with him because he was being to clingy/possessive. So as a result of then breaking up he kidnaps her and keeps her in his basement. Few months later when y/n escapes and has do shik chasing her down she gets hit in the head with something hard and gets knocked out. When she wakes up in the hospital not knowing or being unable to recall what’s happened for the past 5 years or so the doctors diagnosed her with amnesia. Do shik takes advantage of that and tells y/n that they are lovers and have been dating for 5 years successfully tricking y/n and taking her back home like nothing ever happened.

im so sorry this has taken me so long to post, ive had to take a bit of a break for my mental and physical health and i stayed away from writing for way longer than i thought i would. i will try to put loads out now to make up for it though

do-shik x fem!reader

warnings : manipulation, kidnapping, forced starving, short coma, memory loss, abusive relationship, assault?

the grip on your wrist was strong - tight - and do-shik clearly wasn’t planning on letting go of you any time soon.

“you can’t leave me! i won’t let you!”

over the few years you had been dating do-shik, he had slowly become more and more possessive. it was hardly noticeable at first and whenever he told you that he “just wants to spend more time you, after all you’re always so busy with all the work your boss dumps on you,” you would brush it off and take his word for it. however, him calling your workplace and quitting your job for you with no discussion about it beforehand was too far. him not letting you answer your phone anymore was too far. and him not letting you see your friends or family was way too far.

you were finally fed up and you couldn’t just ignore all of the red flags that had slowly been popping up everywhere. you needed to get the fuck out of that house, and more than anything, you needed to get the fuck away from your boyfriend.

little did you know that decision would be the worst you would ever make.

three months. three months since he broke into the tiny house you and your mum were staying in and stole you away in the middle of the night. three months of worrying about her - not knowing what had happened to her and if do-shik hurt her. three. fucking. months of being borderline starved to death until you have to grovel at your captor’s feet, begging him to bring you even the smallest crumb.

even though he was almost a complete stranger to you again, you were easily able to identify that the expression stretching across his face each time was one of glee.

it took a lot of work but over the time you were hidden away within the depths of his home, you had gained his trust. not much, but enough for him to let you have free reign over your room and wander freely while he was away. you waited for him to leave late at night, most likely to find his next victim, and began planning your escape.

you had memorised the layout of the room, what was in it and where everything was so that when the time came for you to leave, he wouldn't be able to find you. most of your plan had been perfected; you would find the makeshift key you had made out of hairpins and scrap pieces of metal, pick the lock, and leave about ten minutes after hearing the car out front pulling out of the driveway.

you weren't sure where you would go but you did know that you would run as far away as you could. maybe even change everything about you. just so that you could be free again.

fresh air had never tasted so good, never smelt so different from the humid, musky air you got down in the basement. you finally felt free.

instinct kicked in and you ran. you ran as fast as you could through the winding roads and alleyways. priority number one was find a crowded area - somewhere you could get help and finally have do-shik locked away forever. the rough roads hurt and your bare feet were burning from the open scrapes on the soles.

the city was close. you could smell it, hear it, taste it on your lips. the sound of people shopping late at night, the scent of food from stalls on the street. you were so close. it was just a bit beyond the corner - only a little longer.

and then everything faded, a sudden sharp pain in the back of your head spreading across your whole body and as you lost consciousness you heard somebody shout for help.

when you came to it was bright. too bright. you could feel needles stabbing your brain over and over millions ever second. someone was holding your hand in a soft, clammy grip. you didn’t recognise him but by god was he beautiful.

“y/n? fuck i thought i lost you. why did you have to worry me like that?”

tears fell from his eyes onto the hand he still hadn’t let go of. his shoulders shook as he sobbed and you felt bad for not knowing who this man was. why didn’t you know who he was when he seemed to care about you so much that he would worry about you?

“who... are you?”

your voice was quiet and scratchy. how long had it been since you had used it? you couldn’t tell but your hair looked longer than you liked. the man’s eyes glistened with more tears and he looked hurt.

“you don’t remember me? i’m your fiance. we were going to get married 4 months ago - you went into a coma not long before the wedding. do you really not remember me?"

a simple shake of your head told him all he needed to know and he looked dejected, like he had lost all hope.

"but i'm willing to try and remember you. i'm sure you were important to me before."

his former expressiom morphed into a grin. it was a good thing you mistook the twisting feeling in your gut as a side effect of the medicine.

#so sorry this took so long #do-shik x reader #do shik x reader #wi ha joon #wi ha-joon #tw manipulation #tw: manipulation #tw kidnapping #tw: kidnapping #tw: starvation #tw starvation #tw coma #tw: coma #tw memory loss #tw: memory loss #tw: abusive relationship

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enaelyork · 1 year ago

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Long time ago in Breenthal IV (PART 2 ~ Sorry)

[Gif made by : @benmendo ]

First : thx you so much for all your support in my previous post about these two.

It was a bit of a chaotic thought about how Orson and Galen evolved on Breenthal IV and I had that sort of flash again this morning. So I wrote it all down in a beautiful, nameless mess. Sorry about that. I don't know how many parts there will be in this story (there was only supposed to be one) but I guess I'll write whatever comes to mind regarding Galen and Krennic. This can be interpreted as a deep friendship or something platonic.

I was supposed to write one paragraph but it's 3 pages...Sorry not sorry.

– I agree to follow you again but on one condition.

I look up at him and I guess he caught the look of surprise in my eyes. How long has he been doing this? Since when has negotiation been part of Galen Erso's vocabulary, he who has always been unconditional in everything he does: thinking, creating, living, befriending the worst person in this galaxy.

– Do you have a condition? Repeat I. He's smart enough to understand that 1) I'm not the type of guy to agree to conditions 2) he's following the worst example he could possibly have. Usually Galen doesn't argue when I take him on this kind of illegal expedition.

And it was this resignation that pushed me to move up a gear in transgression. This time our little nocturnal trip involves neither a classroom nor a clandestine laboratory constructed on the fly at one o'clock in the morning. This isn't about any of Galen's whims. It's my world. It was time for Galen to embark on a different type of discovery. He was ready. After months of seeing me, of guessing through my glassy looks that I sometimes slip into a reality parallel to his, Erso is going to go on an adventure into the unknown and he is so scared that he starts to act like me .

– I want you to take me home tonight.

I hope he's joking.

I have never accompanied anyone except those who end up in my bed.

– I am not your mother. I show you the way and I told you that if you got tired of it you could leave.

I lace up my impeccable pair of shoes then tuck my chaotic curls behind my ears with an indifferent air. He is not offended by the tone I use because he knows that it is a way of defending me against his attacks which further cracks the ice around my heart. And that's the worst part. He knows absolutely everything he does to me. The fact that he is the only person I still see after the twenty-four hours following our meeting or that I tolerate him much more than I do others are edifying proof of this.

– You don’t understand Orson. It's not a question of weariness, it's a question of calm. We go there together, we leave together.

- You are scared ?

For the first time since these ridiculous negotiations began, our eyes meet. I'm still standing in front of a dusty mirror that Galen only uses to reflect his thoughts, and he watches me perched on his bed, a glint in his eyes that tells me his mind is spinning like never before.

-Yes. But not for what you believe.

His words crack the air like a whip, lacerating my mind with such violence that I nearly lose my balance. Galen never had the physical strength going for him, but the impact of what he says can be as harsh as a punch to the gut. He says little, but the words are carefully chosen to hit where it hurts. Somewhere deep in my ribcage, where something pulses that I have decided to forget. Is he afraid for me? I quickly put the idea out of my head before it contaminates everything else and leaves me vulnerable to Galen's demands. But the latter is far too smart to let escape the loophole he has just opened and rushes in without having been invited, as usual.

– Do we just have to establish an emergency code? I chuckle. Him and his mania for putting codes anywhere.

– We are not in the programming class.

–Don’t pretend to be stupid.

I was thinking more of a word that would directly indicate to the other that this outing is degenerating and that we must return.

- A word ? My response should have been something like: If you think things are getting out of hand, get your shit together and go home. But instead, I play into his stupid game because I don't plan to go out without him tonight.

- A word. If you hear it it means it's too much for me. Do you want to take me to where you go out at night? Fine, but I want a guarantee that things are going well.

–And what is this word?

His eyes light up with amusement when he realizes that I have already accepted his offer without saying it.

- Treason.

I breathe loudly. How ironic. Isn’t that the word I constantly hear about myself from lips other than his?

- Your turn.

- Pardon ?

– It’s a code, Orson. You also need to have a word to put an end to this.

– In case you missed it, I don’t intend to end anything.

He is silent. Looks at me with his little air of unbearable genius and leaves me there with all my questions escaping without the slightest barrier to hold them back.

– A word, Orson. Just one.

- Sorry.

He widens his eyes, bats his eyelashes several times before snickering discreetly.

– It’s very unlikely that this word will ever come out of your mouth.

– You understood everything, Galen. Now let's go. I'm tired of this little game and we're going to be late.

However, as I am about to cross the threshold of his door, dragging him with me, a strong resistance pins me to the spot. Freezes me and forces me to turn around. Galen's hand is so firmly anchored to my wrist that one more step would tear my hand away.

– Will you promise me?

I raise my eyebrows, falsely surprised and pretending not to understand.

– Will you promise to stop this if I ask you? To bring me back here? The trap seemed to be closing on me for good. I had accepted this stupid game of code, I had even agreed to listen to this whole absurd conversation instead of taking him away by force and presenting him with a fait accompli. I was no longer one scam away from him and I noted with anguish that he was surpassing his master in terms of negotiation.

—I guess I have to if I want to keep my hand. I pause before looking him straight in the eyes as if I were about to seal an oath. I promise you, Galen. I won't leave you alone there.

—

Spoiler: I didn’t keep my promise.

I knew I was going to screw up the moment Britley slipped a glass into my hand and waved her sparkling emeralds before my eyes. I was lost in the cacophony of the music, the throes of the alcohol, and I didn't know how long it had been going on when Galen's grip tightened on my shoulder.

– Orson, stop that right now.

He had dragged me to the dingy bench seat of the bar away from my group of friends and my survival instinct had pushed me to grab a bottle as I passed and put it to my mouth to give me the courage to confront him. I burst out laughing under his nose, sure I'm making him drunk with just my breath.

- Stop what ?

Don't force me. His gaze pleaded with me as I taunted him with this bottle, still far too full for my liking. I took a sip before presenting it to him to lighten the mood but he coldly declined. Galen had refused a single drink of alcohol since we had been here, I was pretty sure of that, just as he had refused the advances and taunts of those who were surprised to see him here.

– If you want me to stop, just say so.

Looking back, I realize that I provoked it. I was drunk and the alcohol fueled all the worst things in me, starting with my pride and my anger. I wanted him to capitulate because in my eyes he was the one who started this stupid, sick game. He could have been content to follow me without discussion, without seeking guarantees and commitment to me, but obviously, things could not be simple with him, he always had to complicate them.

So he shut up. He was content to pierce me with his murderous gaze and I saw nothing pleasant in it. Galen had the gift of seeing the good in me, always and probably he was the only one in the world to do so, but it was not only in this area that he excelled.

He also showed me all my horror, in a way no one else could.

Nothing came out of his mouth, but his eyes spoke. What he let me see was how much I bothered him, how sad my lack of control made him. He wasn't sad for himself - even though he was perfectly aware that I was ripping him off - but for me and that made me all the more abject.

– If you have nothing to say, you can leave. I say, averting my gaze to meet those of more amusing people who urge me to join them quickly.

I had just spit in the face of the person who was closest to a friend in my eyes and I had done it precisely for that. Because all I would have to do is bat my eyelashes in front of him tomorrow for everything to go smoothly. Galen forgave me everything, all the time. And I turned my back on him.

----

Three days.

He hasn't spoken to me for three days.

Three days of these incessant thoughts coming back to my head.

He didn't say it.

He didn't say it when we were arguing at that bar table. He didn't say it when he saw me hug this girl and drag her upstairs with me. He didn't say it afterward, because his shadow vanished and I fell asleep unaware of what would haunt me next.

Reality.

He didn't say a word, not because he knew I didn't care. But because he preferred to remain silent, to take it upon himself rather than force me to break the promise I made to him. And it tears my heart. Shit; It's horrible to admit it but it tears my heart.

Every time I pass by his bedroom door it remains closed even though it is constantly ajar waiting for me to push it. Galen avoids me, tries to act as if nothing had happened but maintains a reasonable - unbearable - distance between us.

When I observe him from a distance, nothing seems to change in his attitude. He remains deep in thought, but I know everything is different. For the average motel, Galen is constantly immersed in a deep meditative state that helps him see more clearly in the flood of scientific reasoning that assail him.

Except, he no longer meditates.

He ruminates.

He broods and buries himself in something so dark it terrifies me. Something that not only isolates him from others, but also from me. And when he gets jostled in the canteen, once again, and bursts of laughter escape into the room, I throw myself at him to grab his arm, exactly like him that evening.

- Talk to me.

He doesn't even bother to reject me. Turns his head, stands up indifferently and takes his empty tray to put it back on the display before walking. Only his pace indicates that he is running away from me when he enters the long corridor of the programming workshops.

–Galen.

I follow him. It drives me crazy but in the end I wonder which of us is the loneliest in the world at this precise moment. Him, me. The two of us against the rest of the world?

- Shit !

Usually my swearing shocks him, but not even my rudeness shakes him out of his torpor. He doesn't stop, doesn't turn his head, moving without hesitation towards the elevator that leads to the dormitories in an attempt to escape me.

- Sorry !

The word leaves my mouth as my arm blocks the elevator door from closing on him and he freezes. Alone in the metal cage, he observes me, asking the same question as me: did I say it to stop this stupid game or for a completely different reason?

– I didn’t want to bring you back the other night. I wanted you to understand that you were capable of living with others without being afraid. He needs to stop staring at me like he does. I'll slap him, or cry, or maybe do both at the same time. In any case I'm damned if I still dare to believe that I'm ruthless towards everyone. The world is not Galen Erso.

– And you did it. I add before entering the elevator to join him. The door closes behind me and the machine starts up with a dull whir.

I wait, but only his shining eyes prove to me that he is still alive.

- I have a question.

Why did you do that ? Why you lied to me ? Am I really your friend? Are you making fun of me like they do? It was a preview of what he could ask of me. The doors had just opened to the dormitory and the only question I had was whether he was going to leave me here or let me follow him.

– Professor Lawrence told me that I had to solve the equation on the fusion of steels with crystals by modifying the first part of the calculation. He tells me that it is dangerous to want to take the risk by modifying the very essence of the materials, but I do not agree with him...

I freeze.

I feel like I'm missing the air as the cool breeze from outside rushes in in a draft.

– Do you think I should listen to him? Because really, I'm not sure that's the solution. And I've been thinking about it for three days, I can't sleep Orson... You understand. What if…What if…

He pauses, his throat tightens and I can tell in his eyes that he is collapsing.

- You were not there.

And this sentence, more than his silence, reduces my pride and my arrogance to pieces. If I wasn't Orson, if I hadn't grown up in a world different from his, maybe I would have allowed myself to touch him. But it’s also part of us, all of that, this crazy awkwardness that constitutes the very essence of our bond.

– You know what I think about all this, right? Of obedience.

#orson krennic #director krennic #star wars #pre rogue one #galen erso #galennic #platonnic #friendship #star wars fanfiction #rogue one #star wars rogue one #rogue one : a star wars story #iminloveaboutthesetorturedsouls #causekrennicisvunerabletoo #butheisafreak

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bewarethegrim · 2 years ago

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Rereading some of Pete Wentz's old blog posts and found the most harringrove entry.

[noone ever fell in love with anyone because of empty pockets or red splotched eyes. drove around for hours tonight just to keep myself from feeling anchored. weighed down. to keep my mind off thinking about what kids like me deserve. desperation isnt a strong enough word (but it will have to do). my wrists are only black and blue cause i don’t got the balls. nothing gets you ready to have every single word dissected and put under a microscope. i got ringing in my ears but none on my fingers. i got sunsets in the veins on my wrists. we’re not just falling in love anymore, we’re demanding it. im the latest bloomer (dried out my wet dreams and saved them for a rainy day). i can still see you standing on my front porch- slowed my own thoughts down to a single blade of grass. you couldnt catch my eye cause i was too busy rolling them. the buttons on one side of your coat that wouldnt snap on the other side. they were just for fashion not for function you told me. you were pretty for a boy. it made me laugh when i thought of it, im sorry i wasnt laughing at what you were saying. it makes me laugh still- when im driving around for hours at night. id love to swerve off and blame it on the fog, but ive been talking on these roads too much lately. theyd spill all my secrets. this city won’t let me go.]

This first half is Billy, talking about how he feels stuck in Hawkins. His thoughts a cycle of the slurs and insults his dad throws at him, and the shameful fact that his dad isn't wrong. He looks at Steve and thinks he's pretty, and it makes him want to die but at the time time it makes him want to laugh because who would've thought his old man would be right? But he chooses to laugh because that's just easier. He drives, he drives too fast, and he thinks about how easy it would be to lose control. Just another tragic accident, but is anyone suprised? Tragic deaths are what kids like Billy deserve.

[im sure theyd lock me up somewhere if anyone saw me at 23 sneaking into cemetaries. taking pills to make me feel okay sleeping in the grass just above you. the sirens find me at the first light. my lips cracked and dried from the tears, i'll probably die a cliche. flash the lights to kissing boys. provocative. i promise you i wont ever have another afternoon like when we used to sneak out of school and drive the lakeshore. noone will ever sound as cool as you. we built cool. we made up style. we set the standard and theyre all just trying to live up to it. if theres nobody who thinks like us anymore. untouchable is unlovable. you always have me humming in my head just out of key. i bought an alarm clock just so i could hit the snooze button. whats the point in getting out of bed anymore if you only get out to say you did. if you could love the biggest fraud or the best liar- then im your prince. i was made just for fashion not for function.]

The second half is Steve. He finds the letter years after Billy has died. But as he reads it over and over again, he can't help but feel like it's not complete. So he sits down at Billy's grave like he so often does and he writes. Be writes how he feels like he's empty, unlovable and broken. Hidden behind years of lies and NDAs, no one could ever know the real him. He could never explain the scars, the nightmares, the paranoia. He finds solace in his memories of warm days spent with Billy at the Quarry. Billy telling him tales of California, and promising he'd take Steve to the beach, a real beach, once he'd saved up enough money to move back home. An event that never happened because Billy died before he could. He died in the town he felt stuck in and now he was truly stuck forever, under the grass and dirt below Steve's feet. Steve wonders how long it'll take him to join Billy down there?

#steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove #bewarethegrim #stranger things #tw suicide #tw death #tw suicidal thoughts #tw child abuse #TW homophobia #this is really sad #Pete wentz stop being gay and sad challenge #i saw this on twitter and then the ghost of emo days past possesed me and now its been written #someone go back to 2009 and hug pete please #hes so sad

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pwblogarchive · 3 months ago

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August 2004

August 9, 2004

“Dear Queen Of Hearts Killer”

we finished shooting the video- i dont want to give it away but it is our darkest video yet, see: basement face punches and playing cards. youll be able to see it soon. we have more suprises in store. cruise over to the alternative press site and tell em thanks for putting us on the cover or that you hate them and us and the world. oh yeah, another installment up over at the fueledbyramen journal- im not gonna put up too much more because i dont want to give it all away- peterpan

ps- as much as you wish you were me, i wish i was you so much more

August 9, 2004

for all the trophy boys and sleep over princes - for all the bruised thighs and smokedout eyes:

i am a zombie who doesn’t want to live, a corpse bored with my own funeral. we live like gypsies only with less gold and maybe more curses. people say you can’t run away from your problems (we are the problem). well thats just shit. cause i’ve spent 20 years on the run and i can’t remember most of the problems that started this (maybe thats been the problem all along). it’s funny. you become a different person when you don’t have a home. you take for granted sleeping in the same bed, looking at the same clocks, waking up with a rug underneath your feet. the world looks different from the back of a van- and rest stops and hardwood floors. we are ghosts with addresses in ghost towns. no matter how much you clean yourself, your clothes and your pillow it never really gets clean, neither does your memory. it never lets go of that smokey, cold/wet feeling. if there was a word for what i am looking for right now it would definitely sound like her name. at some point you wanted her innocence for your own. to breathe in every single breath that she breathed out, to taste her spit- to feel how she feels to fall asleep next to you and to be let down for the first time.

when i leave could you please say your sheets would never be the same and that maybe you even missed my smell just a little bit?

- petey

August 11, 2004

“Sugar We’re Going Down Swingin”

we are having a blast on warped tour so far. it is hot. french canada is awesome cause there are all kinds of weird candy bars and sodas and girls are pretty. come out and tell hey chris he is a hottie with a body at our merch tent. for realz.

call me up and tell me you are doing okay.

that would make my day.

me plus you 4 eva.

peterpan

September 2, 2004

noone ever fell in love with anyone because of empty pockets or red splotched eyes. drove around for hours tonight just to keep myself from feeling anchored. weighed down. to keep my mind off thinking about what kids like me deserve. desperation isnt a strong enough word (but it will have to do). my wrists are only black and blue cause i don’t got the balls. nothing gets you ready to have every single word dissected and put under a microscope. i got ringing in my ears but none on my fingers. i got sunsets in the veins on my wrists. we’re not just falling in love anymore, we’re demanding it. im the latest bloomer (dried out my wet dreams and saved them for a rainy day). i can still see you standing on my front porch- slowed my own thoughts down to a single blade of grass. you couldnt catch my eye cause i was too busy rolling them. the buttons on one side of your coat that wouldnt snap on the other side. they were just for fashion not for function you told me. you were pretty for a boy. it made me laugh when i thought of it, im sorry i wasnt laughing at what you were saying. it makes me laugh still- when im driving around for hours at night. id love to swerve off and blame it on the fog, but ive been talking on these roads too much lately. theyd spill all my secrets. this city won’t let me go. im sure theyd lock me up somewhere if anyone saw me at 23 sneaking into cemetaries. taking pills to make me feel okay sleeping in the grass just above you. the sirens find me at the first light. my lips cracked and dried from the tears, i'll probably die a cliche. flash the lights to kissing boys. provocative. i promise you i wont ever have another afternoon like when we used to sneak out of school and drive the lakeshore. noone will ever sound as cool as you. we built cool. we made up style. we set the standard and theyre all just trying to live up to it. if theres nobody who thinks like us anymore. untouchable is unlovable. you always have me humming in my head just out of key. i bought an alarm clock just so i could hit the snooze button. whats the point in getting out of bed anymore if you only get out to say you did. if you could love the biggest fraud or the best liar- then im your prince. i was made just for fashion not for function.

- petey

#fall out boy #pete wentz #livejournal #pete wentz livejournal

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roseverdict · 1 year ago

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heh :) 3.4k words yeehaw.

〜

After what felt like an eternity of blessed dark nothingness, Raph cracked one eye open, grimacing slightly at the lights above him.

There was a voice murmuring quietly nearby, and while the words slipped from his mind like a greased-up rat, the tone was familiar enough that Raph felt himself relax again.

The voice moved somewhere to his right, and he blearily tried to remember where he was-

"If this is it, I want you to know I finally understand…and I'm sorry."

"Hero moves are totally your style."

"Ewww, is this Staten Island?!"

-oh.

Right.

Raph felt hollow.

Like something had gotten into his body and scooped out everything that made him Raph, thrown it in a blender cranked up to high, then unceremoniously plopped it all back in without caring about getting his Raph-ness back in the right spots.

Heh.

Unceremoniously.

He hadn't thought he could still remember big words like that.

There came a minute twitch from the bed to Raph's left, and he twisted his head slightly to get a look at the other occupant of the medbay.

(Oh. Huh. How'd he get to the medbay?)

Leo's face was scrunched up slightly, but it quickly smoothed back out into the same serene, high-on-painkillers half-smile he'd had ever since they'd gotten him hooked up to the IV.

(When had that been, again?)

Raph's memories were a bit fuzzy, and he knew at least some of it had to have been from his own IV drip.

Hm.

Raph watched dully as Donnie walked into his line of sight and peered down at Leo for a moment, murmuring to himself. "He doesn't seem to be waking up yet. With his current dosage of painkillers, I doubt he's feeling anything physical…"

"A nightmare, then," Raph croaked.

Donnie blinked in surprise, glancing over at Raph. "You came back to lucidity fairly fast."

Raph just offered a weak grin. "How long was I out?"

"Well, you were presumably dissociating for a while before we caught on and put you to bed," Donnie said, walking closer to Raph's bed and inspecting what was probably a nearby monitor- Raph didn't have the strength to look over and check. "It's been approximately 18 hours since the end of the invasion, and you were out of it for the majority of that time, in a bed for nearly all of that. I only just lowered your dose of sedatives ten or so minutes ago."

"Feels like Raph got hit by the Turtle Tank," he groaned. "Multiple times."

"The physical ramifications of your injuries do bear a startling similarity to the effects of being run over, yes," Donnie admitted. He drew up a chair and sat down to continue speaking. "However, so long as no other armageddons come crawling out of the woodwork in the next few weeks, you ought to make a full recovery. The worst of it was in your right eye and the surrounding area, but we've got a patch on it for now, and you shouldn't end up losing it or your vision in it."

Raph swallowed, his gaze drifting back over to… "…and Leo?"

"Severely injured from his brief time in the prison dimension, but he came out of critical condition a few hours ago and has made no moves to return," said Donnie.

"Good. That's…that's good," Raph said truthfully, even as his eyes locked onto the ugly bruising around Leo's neck and refused to move.

"…I know that look," Donnie said. "Pizza Supreme above knows I'm not good at emotions, but even I know that look."

"…I strangled him, Donnie," he managed. "Raph strangled him."

"The Krang strangled him using you as a puppet because they were cruel, heartless bastards who sought to cause as much anguish as physically possible," Donnie stated darkly.

"Don't let Mikey hear you talking like that," said Raph, definitely keeping his priorities straight.

Mikey's voice came from the blind spot on Raph's right, startling him. "Raph, I love you, but I've said plenty worse about the Krang in the past several hours, all of it deserved. I can handle hearing the word 'bastard.'"

Raph jolted and whipped his head around to get Mikey in his field of view, only to groan again as his head decided it was the perfect time to pretend to be a bowling ball.

"Careful, you haven't recovered all the way yet!" Mikey spluttered, pushing himself from the table he'd been sitting at and rushing over to Raph's bedside.

Raph just sat up and gave Mikey a quick once-over; band-aids littered his skin and covered several small-ish cuts, but the most in-depth bandaging seemed localized to his hands and forearms. Considering Raph had been there for those particular injuries, (and may have received some of his own- his left hand was in a bit more pain than his right, now that he thought about it,) Mikey was as unscathed as could be expected.

(Raph distinctly remembered feeling his body throw Mikey aside like nothing but a brother-shaped ragdoll, mere moments before everything had turned into a fuzzy, blobby mess in his head.)

In his moment of distraction, Raph found himself pushed back down to the bed as Mikey clambered up next to him, curling into his side. "I'm glad you're awake, Raphie."

Raph swallowed, then nodded carefully and put his arm around Mikey. "Glad to be awake, big man."

"Try not to move around too much," Donnie instructed. "You will make a full recovery, but I would not be surprised if you feel like roadkill for a while longer."

"Yeah, I can see that," Raph admitted.

Leo made a quiet noise in his sleep, drawing Raph's attention back over to him.

The bruising around his neck extended all the way to his shoulders and even up his chin a bit. There were cracks in his plastron visible underneath the mountain of gauze and bandages wrapping around him like a mummy, and one of his legs was elevated in a cast. His eyes were swollen, with at least one of them potentially swollen shut.

And that was just what could be seen. Who even knew what sort of internal injuries he had? Certainly not Raph.

Raph's forehead pinched.

"He'll be okay," said Mikey quietly, shifting slightly and pillowing his head on Raph's right shoulder. "Promise."

Raph just dropped his gaze to his own body, taking in the dressings on his left shoulder in detail.

After a long moment, Mikey chuckled tiredly. "You shoulda seen him out there, Raph. We were losing hope bad, but then it's like he channeled his inner you or something! Gave this whole heroic speech and got our butts in gear!"

"He did, did he?" Raph smiled thickly.

"That he did," confirmed Donnie, scooting his seat closer and tapping at the panel on his left wrist with a bandaged hand to match Mikey's. "Actually…I do believe I have a recording of it. One moment."

Raph straightened as he heard the recording of Mikey's voice. "What do we do now?"

"I fear we are lost," said Splinter's voice grimly.

Donnie flicked his fingers along his screen, and a larger one appeared at a better angle for Raph to watch.

The camera seemed to be positioned just over Donnie's shoulder, and Raph watched as the Leo on-screen fell to his knees off to one side. Mikey seemed to be right by Donnie and mostly out of frame, but Splinter, April, and Casey were more-or-less centered.

Everyone was looking to something far to the camera's left in horror.

"The Krang are too powerful," Splinter continued.

"Maybe we can change the future s-some other way!" the recorded Mikey tried.

Raph swallowed as Casey spoke up, his mask flipping up mid-sentence to show his defeated expression. "Guys, it's time to face facts: we can't change the future."

"Says who?!"

Mikey spoke over his recording and reached up to point at the image of Leo on-screen. "See, he's already got a plan rattling around in there."

Sure enough, as Donnie's recorded self rattled off a bunch of phrases that stank of science and the word "paradox," Leo's posture shifted from beaten-down to something with a little more fight left in it.

"Look, I didn't want it to be true, but…" Donnie's past self insisted, even as Mikey's recorded face dropped from indignance to defeat, "…science."

The Donnie of the present lifted an eyebrow with a small smirk, catching Raph's eye.

Then the recorded Leo leapt to his feet excitedly and pointed a finger at his Donnie. "That's it! DONNIE'S WRONG!"

The camera shifted to get Leo centered in the frame, and Donnie's voice snarked, "The world is ending, yet the barbs continue."

"Here we go," said Mikey, audibly smiling.

"Don't you remember?" asked the recorded Leo. "We already did change the future."

He turned to Casey. "Raph never got kidnapped and turned into a Krang zombie in your time, right, Casey?"

"…no, he didn't," Casey realized.

"That means we did change the future! We're just in a different, uh," Leo began, stuttering over the words for a moment before Donnie took pity on him.

"Bifurcated time branch?"

"Yes, yes, yesyesyes, that nerd thing!" Leo declared. "Y'know what that means, right?"

"You still had hope," Raph breathed, his good eye tearing up as a proud smile grew on his face.

"We still have hope!" Leo's recorded self agreed at the same time, beaming.

Donnie's smirk grew behind the screen, and Mikey shifted more into the crook of Raph's shoulder.

"A ninja's greatest weapon!" Casey gasped.

"Hey, I like that!" Leo's smile quickly turned determined as he looked each of them in the eye. "Look, I'm done thinking I have all the answers. I dunno how to beat the Krang, but I do know our future isn't written until we write it. As a team."

Raph sniffled and hugged Mikey a little tighter, meeting Donnie's proud half-smile with one of his own.

"So, what do we got?" asked Leo, the tails of his mask billowing in the wind.

There was a moment of silence, then April shifted at the edge of the screen. "Maybe…maybe! We don't have to beat them! Can't we just send 'em back to the prison dimension?"

"There's an idea! Donnie, what do those big, beautiful eyebrows have to say?" Leo turned to the camera with a grin.

"If we got control of their ship, we could send it back through the portal," said Donnie with a bit more energy than before.

"Yehehes, yes, now we're cookin'! Who else?"

"And if someone on the ground can get to that key-!" Casey started.

"We can close the doorway!" exclaimed Splinter.

"And then bye-bye Krang forever, baby!" said both Mikeys, crowing loudly in the recording and chuckling quietly next to Raph.

"Exactly," said Leo, smirking at the camera. "Whaddya say, Donnie? You ready to fly a spaceship?"

The camera blurred for a second as the Donnie of the past presumably stood ramrod-straight. "Literally the greatest question I have ever been asked."

"Alright, team, looks like we have a plan! Let's go save the world," Leo declared, grinning encouragingly at the others.

Mikey stepped cautiously forward and into the camera's view. "Wait. But what about Raph?"

And oh, Raph had almost forgotten the reason why he wasn't there to hear Leo's heroic speech the first time around.

The camera slumped down slightly for a long moment, and Raph gave Mikey a light squeeze as the recorded version of his littlest brother shrank in on himself.

Then Leo's hand dropped on the recorded Mikey's shoulder as a particularly bright light flared somewhere in the distance. "That big jerk may be covered in goo and half-alien, but he's still our brother, and I'm not giving up on him. I'm not leaving him behind."

Raph watched as Leo took his hand back and swung his katanas out, turning back to face whatever-it-was that was off-camera on the left-

The camera turned, and Raph got his first and only good look at the way NYC had burned during the invasion.

…he could see how their hopes were hanging on by a thread before Leo's rousing speech, now.

Leo's past self stood there for a moment, then nodded, glancing over his shoulder and gesturing out at the destruction with his swords as he spoke. "Alright. April, Dad, Casey, you're our ground team. The key's gotta still be at Metro Tower. Get to the tower and be ready to pull the plug on my signal. Donnie, Mikey, let's see how good we are at apocalyptic sky parkour!"

"Roger that!" Casey declared, the three of them darting to the edge of whatever roof they were on and leaping down.

"Here goes," Donnie muttered, the camera charging forward to stand next to Leo-

-and the video ended.

Raph sniffled and brought his free hand up (gingerly- his shoulder was still not happy with him) to wipe his left eye dry. "He really did it."

"He really did it," confirmed Donnie, dispelling the screen with the slightest gesture.

"Y'know, he actually stayed awake a bit longer than you did," Mikey said. "Refused to let us put him under until he knew you were gonna be okay."

Raph pressed his beak together and shot one more glance over at where Leo lay.

Leo murmured something quietly, shifting ever-so-slightly deeper into the bed with a tiny, blissful smile on his face.

"Can-?" Raph tried, only for his voice to crack and force him to start over. "Can we move the beds together? Raph…really needs a turtle pile with everybody, he thinks."

"I don't see why not," Mikey said, shimmying off the bed and out of Raph's sight.

Donnie nodded and stepped out from between the beds, bringing his seat with him. "As long as we're careful not to jostle either of your IVs or Leo's leg during the combining of the beds."

Raph felt his own bed start moving, and only a few seconds later, the beds gently bumped each other.

"Bam," Mikey said, climbing back into Raph's side. "Let the turtle pile commence!"

"That means you, too, Donnie," Raph pointed out.

Donnie gave Raph another nod, then carefully dragged his chair around to the outer edge of Raph's bed, pushed himself onto the mattress, and curled up against Raph's legs. After a moment more, he gingerly took off his battle shell and set it on the ground, probably leaning against the side of one of the beds.

With his two awake brothers settled in, Raph reached over to Leo and carefully lay his hand against Leo's arm.

Leo blinked his less-swollen eye open at the touch- though only barely- and beamed widely, wrapping his arms around Raph's like a teddy bear and clinging onto it as his eye fluttered shut again. "I goootscha, Big Raphieee, nooooo takesy-backsies…!"

Mikey giggled, Raph snorted, and even Donnie managed a small grin.

The medbay doors opened, and Raph turned his own smile towards the newcomers. "Hey, guys."

April, Casey, and Splinter all sagged from their initial weary expressions into matching faces of relief, and the three of them gathered around the combined beds. Splinter sat in the chair Donnie'd left to the side and took one of Raph's fingers in his hands. "How are you feeling, Red?"

"Like somebody turned my brain into a smoothie and poured it back into my head," Raph said with a weak chuckle.

"Got room for one more in there?" asked April, gesturing to the space between Leo and Raph, ripe for the nestling.

"I think so," said Raph.

"Just don't bump Leo too badly," mumbled Donnie into Raph's leg.

Mikey's only response was a content little snore.

To her credit, April was exceedingly careful as she wiggled her way into the open spot, quickly mirroring Mikey against Raph's side. Leo's right hand twitched under Raph's arm as she settled in, but Leo seemed content to loosely grab at the shoulder of April's jacket for the time being.

Oh, wait, no, he was blearily looking at the others with his brow furrowing slightly.

"What's up, Leo?" asked Raph quietly.

Leo mumbled something unintelligible as he squinted at them, nodding slightly as he 'spoke,' but if Raph's hunch was right, it sounded like he was counting something under his breath. One, two, three, four, five…

Leo frowned and started looking around, then broke out in a wide, beaming grin when his eyes landed on- "Caseyyyyy! I'ssa turl pile! C'mooon!"

Casey's eyes grew big and wet, and he did one of those half-laugh half-sob things that they'd all done a few of in the past day or so. "Leo, I don't think I'll fit."

"Gimm' y'r arm," insisted Leo, lifting his left arm (the least-injured part of him, it seemed) and flailing it vaguely in Casey's direction. "Gotta be in th' turl pile!"

"You heard the man," chuckled Raph. "Better grab a chair, I don't think we're going anywhere for a bit."

Casey sniffled, but grinned and nodded before doing exactly that, letting Leo drag his arm over Raph's and entrap it there with his own.

Leo giggled loopily and snuggled the two arms and April's jacket shoulder to his chest, quickly sinking back into unconsciousness and clinging to the three of them like a content leech.

"We'd best get some rest," Donnie murmured. "My tech is monitoring vitals for both Leo and Raph, so if something goes wrong that doesn't immediately wake us up, the alarms will take care of getting us moving. At present, however, we're all stable, and we should remain so."

If even Donnie was resigning himself to rest, he must have been exhausted like Raph had rarely ever seen.

"I can get behind that," Raph agreed quietly, letting himself relax against the bed and allowing the knowledge that his family was all in arm's reach to wash over him.

Splinter gave Raph's finger a squeeze. "I do not believe I will be able to sleep for some time yet, but I will stay right here. I promise."

"M'kay," Raph mumbled, closing his eyes.

When he opened them again, the others had shifted slightly, nearly all of them asleep. Mikey had retracted into his shell and gotten comfy in the crook of Raph's elbow, Donnie was laying with his shell against the thin blankets on Raph's leg and his limbs splayed out, April had sprawled her legs over Raph's chest, her jacket still in Leo's grip, Splinter was snoring lightly from his seat, and Casey-

Raph watched sleepily as Casey's head drooped, then jumped back up again before repeating the cycle.

"Hey," Raph whispered.

Casey blinked at his voice, then managed a small smile. "Hi, Raphael."

"Please." Raph grinned. "Just call me Raph. You did good out there, Casey. We all did."

Casey's eyes watered slightly. "…thanks, Raph."

"…You didn't know me that great in the future, did you?" asked Raph on a hunch.

Casey just pressed his lips together and looked down, giving his head a minute shake.

With Leo still gripping both Raph's and Casey's arms like a pair of long teddy bears, it was a bit of an awkward maneuver, but Raph managed to work Leo's grip up his arm until his forearm was free. With his newly-regained range of motion, Raph twisted his arm back and gave Casey's arm a pat. "Hey, Raph don't need to know the details if you don't wanna give 'em. It's been a long few days."

Casey nodded, swallowing thickly. "…'kay."

"Get some rest. Donnie's alarms'll make sure we wake up if we gotta," Raph told him, shooting him his patented Reassuring Biggest Brother Grin. "We made it."

Casey just gave Raph a wobbly smile, then leaned over the remaining clear space on Leo's bed, pillowing his head on his free arm.

Raph wasn't always smart, but he knew Casey probably wasn't going to manage going to sleep that quickly.

Still, he was making an effort.

Raph let out a breath, some of the remaining tension in his body draining away, and he let his eye fall closed again.

Mikey and April next to him, Donnie against his legs, Splinter still holding one of his fingers, Leo hugging his and Casey's arms, the Krang invasion successfully stopped…

…yeah.

They'd done good.

Leo had done good.

Raph would have to tell him he was proud of him sometime soon.

“Donnie records everything”

broke: Donnie listening to what happened in the prison dimension

woke: Donnie showing Raph Leo’s big damn hero speech since he wasn’t there the first time

#tmnt #rosie writes #should probably post this to ao3 i think. also the timeswap w/the babies from a while back #me: i love 'characters experience their media!' :D #casey 'future boy' jones junior: i am going to Extend This One-Shot :)

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strawberryspeachy · 9 months ago

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I cant even wake up in time to go out for a fucking hour

Whatever curse is on me keeps getting worse. I’m so fucking exhausted all the time and every time i get excited for something its taken away or ruined

Its bad enough i dont have anyone and that i cant wake up or stay up for the prime time of going out

Which is why i moved to an area where most of my salary is spent on fucking existing here

But now i cant even wake up for one damn fucking hour of going out

But i wake up fully awake in time to see the clubs are JUST about to close and waste my fucking life away

I hate being me. I want to be dead so fucking bad.

Tell me why. When i put in so much effort and thought and try so hard to make my classes good.

Apparently junior high in private school suck. They know they dont need to do anything to pass right through the system so theyre little fucking dicks about everything

I guess the annoying high school kids at my last school were the ones that were passed on through middle school

And now middle school is the only job i can get for next year. I hate private school junior high

I loved them in public school. But my god. Dealing with kids who refuse to do the bare minimum and even pushing them to try results in them throwing a tantrum bc they always get their way (sitting around doing absolutely nothing while complaining about having to do something they signed up to fucking do)

Ive read this is what american schools have turned into and yeah. Its fucking exhausting. what’s the fucking point. You cant teach anyone

Youre not allowed to just ignore those shit kids - even if you try they disrupt the class. So you cant teach the ones who WANT to learn because you have to teach to the dumbest kid in the class and no matter how low you go they go lower.

What’s the fucking point

Today in the advanced english class which the kids in the class CHOSE to be in - a girl i literally complemented so much last class because she did so well - and to other teachers commented how shes come so far from being super shy and on the verge of tears/crying at the beginning of the year - back to crying today

Crying because i asked her to speak english in the advanced english class that she chose to do saying she thinks ill be mad at her if she makes a mistake WHEN I NEVER GET ANGRY AT STUDENTS. LITERALLY NEVER. Meanwhile her homeroom teachers literally screams at them and guilt trips them all the time. But he’s a man. Even to the kids apparently theyre fine with being screamed at by men. But let me - a woman - tell them to do their work and its a fucking problem

Its so fucking stupid because it sounds like im leaving out half the story. Or that ive spun it to sound better. Or that anything. Like this isn’t the full story. But it fucking is and this kind of shit has me exhausted. I see why teachers are leaving in droves. From reading about the conditions i already understood but my god is it so fucking exhausting.

The class i see 3 times a week. Theyve been a pain in the ass since day one. My other classes teachers always try to steal - not this one. No one likes them. Its like pulling teeth to get them to do shit

Theyve been getting better. Theyve been really good recently. I felt like i finally got them somewhere. They were doing so well. But no. They didn’t improve. Its like a rollarcoaster. I go from the quietest worst at english boys volunteering to go to the front and do an improv skit in english and the whole class actively engaging and having fun

To the next class they act like they cant understand a single word i say. They wont speak and act like theyre being tortured by a simple actively

I dont have the fucking energy. I fully understand those days that my teachers would tell us “if you dont want to try then im not going to either. Just there in silence till the bell rings” as “one of the kids who are trying so im sorry to you but your classmates ruined it for you” having been that kid. I got it then but i really fucking get it now.

Like do you think i enjoy nagging you. Is it really the fun trying to explain something to a kid staring at their friend fully understanding what theyre supposed to do and being entirely capable of it but deciding its more fun to make fun of the teacher in front of their face while pretending you cant understand

And i just have to pretend you really cant understand and keep trying.

Like im not their only english teacher. They have other english classes. Theyve been taught how to read. Theyve learned grammar up to “if you could fly what would you do” “i would…” they fan make sentences and understand at the level of a preschooler. And telling them to talk about a topic that they like - i know they can have conversations in english. Theyve done it many times. Tell them to do it and use their new grammar- cause thats my class - using the fucking shit they’ve learned beyond textbook shit

No all of the third years this week refusing to say anything more than “nice” “yea” “oh really” “i like” “oh mhm”

I’ve always thought school needed reformed. There was no reason that i should have been so stressed out all the time over school. I still believe that. But i know the world deciding to make school a fucking joke where no kid fails. You cant make them do anything. You cant punish them. Its not to make the learning environment better. Its to make a bunch of fucking idiot adults who cant critically think, dont have any working knowledge of the world, have no desire to learn and dont know how to teach themselves, and think that theres no repercussions for their actions so that when someone is unfairly targeted theyll just think “man they must have done something think REALLY bad”

The ones that WANT to learn. That try hard. Theyre honestly so far and few between and theyre punished for it. Why try hard when youre the only one who actually gets graded on your work. You work hard and get a B your classmates does fucking nothing and gets a C then the lazy one does ANYTHING and ya gotta encourage them to keep doing that so they get an A. They suck at school(refuse to try) so they should get rewards for literally anything else so they dont feel bad about themselves

Ridiculous. It sucks that the worlds gonna get stupider. The current school children are gonna be stupider than boomers. And the fact that they have no rules… at least old people to in trouble all the time as kids and were forced to be respectful to others and understand repercussions.

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blackvail22 · 1 year ago

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9/25/23

10:25am -

i just had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist? i think thats the word. i got diagnosed with BED (binge eating disorder), and ive been saying for YEARS that i had it, and no one would help me. its been 9 years since i first went to a doctor and told them about my eating habits; they didnt help me. i had an obvious ed, and im glad im finally getting the help i need.

my relationship with food is severely complicated. im obsessed with my weight and the calories im intaking, but i cant stop... binging. and the fact i have fat on my body makes me want to throw up, nd every time i notice it, it makes me feel like my insides are being scratched over and over. my fear of purging is the only reason i dont...

a month ago, i was talking with my counselor, and she asked me if ive ever been screened for adhd. i told her no, but i can tell her yes!! my new doctor did a screening thing for adhd, and i have it. shes referring me to somewhere to get a more in-depth test to see what type of adhd and the severeity of it.

i told my mom all of this, and she seemed upset. i dont understand? shes been so rude to me lately... i mean, she always is.. but it feels like she changed? shes so bitter, and shes being like homophobic 😭😭 out of nowhere LIKE WHAT PROMPTED U TO BE LIKE THIS? i SWEAR on everything, being a chronic facebook user ruined her. she wasnt like this before facebook LMAOO shes so sad. but, all well!

im going to try my best to clean my room again. i NEED to get my shit together!! its so embarrassing how messy it is. i have to focus on doing it. i have to do it today; i have no choice!!

10:17pm

news flash: i didnt clean my room. whos surprised? im going to try and get it together before i go to bed because i have to... i have or else ill feel like im letting my boyfriend down lol

yk idk why but being friends and flirting w somsone is so much different than dating them. its insane!

i didnt mention this before but im being put on a different medication that targets bed and adhd and it also helps depression. i have to do a bunch of testing before i take it, though, because its a controlled substance

im afraid of facing my past. i know that i was a fucked up kid, but seeing HOW fucked up i am is... terrifying. like i read through a few of my old roblox messages and woah!!! i was living a double life, holy shit! obvi... i used a fake name, fake age, and some of the stories i would tell belonged to my sister. ill forever be regretful for the way i was back then... it makes me think, though... did i ever really change?

i had this girlfriend named .... lets call her juju. she lived on the other side of my country, and we met because we both ran fan accts for a youtuber on insta. i became ... obsessive? quickly. i feel sorry for her, but i was 12 and she was nearly 16, so... she easily couldve cut me off once she found out my age lmao. idk, i kept trying to find ways for her and i to meet in person because i was so excited to meet her online. she broke up with me, and i made another instagram and pretended to be someone else for a while.... aka i catfished her. i didnt show her photos of anyone else, just used the name "katrina" like i used to. i got her to talk abt her exes and then she talked abt how she recently broke up w someone and how crazy they were. i knew then that my behavior wasnt normal. i didnt understand the boundaries i was crossing.

am i all that different now? i used his snap maps to see when he's at his dad and when hes at his moms or at school. when i planned on moving down there, i looked for apartments that were nearby his primary home. i attenpted to make an acct to pretend i was someone else and see if he would lie to me abt info abt his life. i didnt finish it.... i got like the ick from myself and was thinking abt how crazy i was.

i try my best to not be ... stalker-like. i wouldnt follow someone throughout their day to see where they are, who theyre with. i wouldnt use it to harm him, and if he didnt want to see me or talk to me, i wouldnt force him to by showing up to his house or texting him off the number i give to weirdos.

im getting tired. its 10:37p now, and i keep like closing my eyes every once and awhile inbetween sections.

i think the last thing i feel i need to rant abt is how i told my dad i have binge eating disorder and for dinner when i told him i didnt care what he got me, HE GOT ME FOOD FOR A FAMILY OF 4. he looked me in the eyes and said, "two cheeseburgers, 16 chicken nuggets, 10 cheese sticks, and a milkshake incase u get hungry later" when he KNOWS i have a habit of eating a lot of food in one sitting.

i feel gross from how much i ate today, and im still wanting to eat more.

being told "u can reverse everything thats wrong w you if u just lost weight!" and then having those same people ENFORCE ur unhealthy eating habits is insane

like, do u rlly want to help me? or do u want to just berate me for the hell of it?

okie song song time

this song is so ... relateable. typical pop song but its so good 2 me

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stayxlix · 1 year ago

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hellooooo!!! how are you?? i hope well🩵

i have a small question, so, as anyone on this earth should i obviously love off the deep end! I've been looking for a long and really good felix fic for so long (i feel there's a high chance that i already read all of them pls help) and this like exactly what ive been looking for!! It had me hooked the moment i saw the masterlist! Your writing is exceptionally amazing, i really cant put into words just how much and i genuinely enjoy reading this story a, like so mich so that i reread it quite often.

Kinda went off the rail, but the question is, how many chapters do you presume there'll be? It doesn't have to be an exact number, just how much you expect! And my other question is, when do you think a new chapter will come out? Obviously, you don't have to be exact, just what you think! I hope it doesn't sound invasive or something, I'm just really really REALLY excited for what's to come and honestly can't wait so i just wanted to know how long we're approx gonna wait for!! I definitely don't mind waiting as much because I know the next chap will be absolutely breathtaking like the rest! 💗

A little side note, i feel like Decode by paramore and sacrifice (eat me up) by enhypen fits this story so much (maybe not neccessarily all of the lyrics but they just give me the same vibe like decode IS this story) !! I'm even considering making a playlist specifically for this story because I just LOVE IT so so much and wanna be in the right mood when i read it, if yk what i mean??

This is super long, so I hope it's not that bad but have an amazing day, week and year, you definitely deserve that and more! 💓 ily, take care and stay safe, love🩵🩵

hiii anon🩵🩵i've been doing pretty well these days thank you for asking, i hope you can say the same :)

(i apologize in advance for how long this response is lmao)

"as anyone on this earth should" this made me smile so hard omg the entire EARTH lol i truly admire the ambition.😂💕thank you so much for such kind words and high praise, it makes my heart so happy to know you feel this way about my little story💕 tbh im pretty sure ive read all of the felix fics on here too so you're not alone there lol (someone pls help us both)

to answer your questions, i'm not quite sure how many chapters otde will end up with....tbh (much like how i go about my life in general) i have been writing this story without much of a plan in mind aside from like a general outline of how i want it to go/end.😂 maybe the chapter number will end up somewhere in the teens? of course i dont want to drag it out indefinitely..but its also my only project right now so i dont want to rush anything either ya know? :)

as for your second question...well i dont have much of an answer for you here either (im horrible im so sorry lol) my life seems to go in periods of either being super busy or so bored that i dont know what to do with myself and right now things are starting to slow down a bit again, so i'm hoping to have the next chapter out in the next couple of weeks??? (if i can manage to keep a few of my weekends free). so with that being said...i guess i kind of failed to answer both of your questions (again i am so sorry lol i wish i could give you more😭) but either way i do hope you'll stay along for the ride. 💕💕

"I'm even considering making a playlist specifically for this story" ah you have no idea how much this means to me.🥹🥹 i love both of the songs you included here and i think they would be perfect additions to an otde playlist. to be honest i have a little playlist i listen to get into the right mood when i write it (only like 30 songs or so) but im always always looking for more to add. if you might be interested in the link let me know and i'd be more than happy to share, and if you do end up making a playlist i would absolutely love to give it a listen🤭🤭 thank you so much for taking the time to read and provide your feedback anon, i truly appreciate it so very much. i hope you have a wonderful rest of your day/evening/night whatever it may be :) much love🩵🩵🩵

#otde.feedback #alex answers asks♡

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iztarshi · 2 years ago

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Febuwhump - forced to watch

Fandom: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Warning: vivsection

You are not very good at meditation.

You are meant to stay still and not think and you are very very bad at both those things - although lots of people would probably argue the second. Donnie would say your head is empty all the time, so meditation should be easy, but your head has never been empty. It has too many thoughts they just cancel each other out.

Or they do this, ramble around your head in an attempt to eclipse a Big Thought with lots of little ones because the Big Thought is too much, even if you know it even if this is why you’re doing this.

Deep breath.

Meditation.

Ninja Mind Meld.

Raph has been gone for two months.

Deep breath.

You were the ones who mind melded on that train, if you can just be calm, if you can just reach out. He’s out there somewhere. Donnie’s hacking into every camera in New York, Mikey’s stirring his hands through the fabric of the universe, you can do this.

You can try.

Raph engulfs you. Spiky-light-flame-shield-solid-brother-warmth. It’s like drowning and you want to drown, want to sink into a presence you’ve been missing like breathing. Raph clutches you, drags you down until you blink and you’re seeing nothing but painfully bright light. Blink again and you’re seeing white walls, a floor with a drain in it, a figure in a white coat and you can’t look away from their hands to see anything else about them. Those hands are holding a circular saw.

Raph. Raphraphraph.

Leo?

I’m here, where are you? Tell me, I’ll make a potal. You don’t have much time, do you? We’ve got to move.

I don’t know.

You wriggle, you try to reach for your sword but you can’t even reach for your body. Raph’s clutching you, holding you down. His voice is so hollow, hazy and distant.

Don’t leave me alone.

You go still. Would you leave if you could? You can’t. Raph is stronger than you. He always has been. You need to get back, tell Donnie that Raph’s in a lab, try to open a portal with the view of the room you’ve had. Something. Anything.

The circular saw is placed against Raph’s plastron. You feel his arms straining against the straps. You feel the first cut, the way it sears as it cuts through keratin and nerve and bone and flesh.

You feel nothing as Raph’s ninpo curls around you, hides you away from the pain even as he clutches you like a teddy bear.

Raph screams and hisses, raw, animal noises of reptile and ape terror. You can’t cover your ears. You can’t look away. It seems to go on for so long, for hours, for days.

Those hands put the circular saw down and push on the edges of the cut out rectangle of plastron. Fingers wedge underneath and Raph keens and they lift the plate of bone and keratin away.

There’a a voice, saying something.

There’s the sound of wheels, a rack being pulled over, just a bar with a hook on the end. Then those hands, you hate those hands, start lifting out Raph’s intestines and looping them over rack. They wriggle. They writhe.

ohgodohgodohgod Raph, please, let me go, I can’t

Leo? Even Raph’s mental voice is hoarse, he sounds as if he’s been screaming for days.

I’m here, I’m here, I’m sorry, I’m right here.

Those hands are inside Raph now. Are they going to lift out his stomach, his liver, his heart? They can’t, right? They wouldn’t… if they wanted an autopsy they would have killed him first. Right? They wouldn’t make him suffer like this just because they couldn’t be bothered to put a bolt through his brain.

You imagine that, a bolt through his brain, and wish you hadn’t thought it. You wish you had a body to throw up with.

Raph, don’t die, please don’t die, I’ll tell Donnie, I’ll tell Mikey, I’ll make a portal, somehow seeing this room will be enough, I’ll make a portal, this won’t happen to you again, we’ll find you, just don’t die, don’t die, don’t die

They take slices from different organs. Calm, unhurried. You think the word might be biopsy.

There is blood running down the drain, there is an IV in Raph’s arm, but there is so much blood.

The hands retreat, set their instruments aside, and put the rectangle of plastron back in place.

There is the ker-chunk ker-chunk of a stapler.

You’re not dead. Your own voice sounds wispy, wondering.

You feel Raph trying to rouse himself. Sorry. I…

He unwraps from you and you feel cold, out in the dark of… of ninja mind space by yourself. Despite everything you nearly dive back into his ninpo like diving into his arms.

You wake up.

You throw up.

You scream for Donnie and Mikey.

#rottment #febuwhump #febuwhump day 7 #vivisection tw #human experimentation tw #gore tw #I didn't think I was going to get anything done for today but apparently what I can produce at short notice #is a very dark stream of consciousness #vomit tw

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bunbums · 2 years ago

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idk i wish i could see a trauma therapist so i could actually figure out my problem.

im so terrified of rejection that i cant even just post random thoughts on my main without being flooded with anxiety that ive said something stupid. i was excited to post something, but i feel like i dont understand boundaries very well. like i can see how other people can make posts about whatever and i dont really think much of it but when i try to participate in really anything socially, i feel like an alien!

like what is that. i have friends, i talk to people all the time, i learn about people all the time. i listen to as many perspectives as possible and read lots and i try to be friendly and social, but i never have any idea how im doing at it. its like i can understand and process what other people are doing and all that, but when it comes to applying it to myself, i suddenly feel like im learning to bike ride with no feet.

i feel like my life is so complicated and hazy and chaotic that its hard for anyone to give me answers because i need a higher degree of help. i keep being told i need a trauma therapist but i cant afford that. i want to make progress and its freaking gatekept from me by a paywall! i want to understand whats going on with me

i wish there was a handbook? i guess my therapist has been giving me DBT printouts and that's kind of like a handbook. i should read over those. kind of just venting somewhere because its been a long day and im worried about my mom, and i just needed somewhere to put my thoughts. sorry to anyone reading this if it sounds jumbled, im just sort of slapping words down

anyway idk. i want to engage with others without my body knotting up on itself. i need to trust that if my friends have a problem with something ive said that they'll let me know in a nice way. i guess i worry ill say something wrong and then because so many of my online friends are connected, that ill lose everybody, everyone will hate me, etc etc.

ty for coming to my ted talk

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asexualjedi · 5 years ago

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i hate that i dislike kate/america because of that one scene from young avengers. i just....I know objectively that they are cute together and it would be a really cute ship! I jsut. that scene rubs me the wrong way so much! its been lik 5 or 6 years I thought I’d be over it by now but I guess I’m not.

#text #this is something stupid about comics pls just ignore this #i just i hate i just hate people bieng like lol i know your sexuality better than you #and maybe this is because this was around the same time as jean grey being like lol your not bi bobby your gay i know bc i can read your #mind or wahtever and like bc i read the two at around the same time i associate them and i know they aren't super similar and that that isn'#the intent of the scene at all?? except no wait that is the intent of the scene i guess #i know its not as bad as a straight person being like lol your not bi i know your identity better than yours #i know its different and like hgskxsd #i just #it makes me uncomftable bc i hate that so mcuh #and maybe its just you know in high school or wahtever or and still sometimes now not being a hundred percent sure of my own identity just #when other people are like lol i know it better than you your not bi your really gay or your not ace your just straigth your not this i #know better than you the person living your experience #and its so stupid bc i know the scene is just like some ship tease for amer*kate its not at all like incidious or anything right?#and i cant even remember a specific instence when anyone has talked over me that way #but i guess everhyone in high school would do that they would be like I know this person we don't knows sexuality and being in the closet it #it made me fiercly protective over my own identity and also others ability to control the narrative in that way #im not making sense anymore #sorry I just wantted to put this into words somewhere because ive been just letting this simmerfor 5or 6 years #me: remembers my mom and others denying and a signign my sexulaity like they new it better than me: nah that memory doesnt count it wasnt a #close personal friend so it doesn't count #ignore me #i hope i don't have anything in this rant that can get this in the ship tag #i know the tag feature is like broekn i think i mentonied the ship in a tag its not tagged by its self but just to be safe im gonna like go #bak and censor it #also i think i'll put this under a readmore #i wish my rat brain would let me not associate the ship with this bc like its a cute ship it has potential and i wish it didnt turn on my #fight or tlight like this #kelly talks #in the tags

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cipheress-to-k-pop · 2 years ago

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Supernova (Chapter 13)

Pairing: Dick Grayson as Robin x Reader

Warnings: Nothing? I think?

Word Count: 3.8K

Summary: As the daughter of Wonder Woman, you always knew you were destined for something more than the life of a mortal. It seemed like your wish for a life of adventure came true but whether in the form of a blessing or curse, you didn’t know. All you know is that you were the sole witness for a chain of murders that would begin. It’s up to you to find out who was the murderer before it’s too late……

Supernova Masterlist

A/N: I was going to just make this a filler chapter but I ended up actually putting shit inside this chapter because I didn't know what else to add. I should also let you know the second half isn't proof read. But this is one of my fav chapters so far

‘Maybe the infirmary wasn’t so bad.’ You thought to yourself as you laid on your side, a hand hidden underneath your pillow. You had lost count of how many times you had been brought back to this room and while you were getting quite tired of being back between these four walls, you had to admit that this was your first time you were actually content being where you were.

Perhaps that was because of the boy who was asleep no more than 3 feet away from you.

The two of you were swiftly taken back to the cave once you had almost lost consciousness. There was a swift celebration for Robin’s return and if you squint your eyes, you could spot the remains of the confetti that was haphazardly cleaned after Wally had excitedly shot the cannon.

While you were in need of dire rest and for your vitals and heart to be monitored due to excessive stress, Robin had to receive a bunch of medication through IV. Turns out being dead for a few days results in extreme dehydration and quite a few vitamin deficiencies.

You found yourself admiring the way his cheek was squished against the pillow, black hair fluffily framing his face. He wasn’t wearing his mask and you unabashedly took in the unobstructed few of his face. He really was so beautiful.

You were worried you’d regret it. That somewhere deep down, you’d have hesitation or regret or even resentment for the sacrifice you were about to make but as you watched him sleep contently, you could just let the crushing burden you had been feeling evaporate into nothing.

You wouldn’t regret this. Not in this lifetime.

‘Robin looks so cute while he sleeps.’ You thought before correcting yourself, ‘His name is Richard.’

Just hearing the sound of his name in your head made you giggle.

“Richard.” You whispered softly, quite enjoying how it felt on your tongue. You hid a smile by hiding your face into your pillow, “Richard.”

“Hmm? What?” Came his sleepy reply and your eyes widened. Maybe you should just keep quiet and pretend he dreamt it?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” You murmured, watching him open his eyes just a sliver to watch you skeptically.

“You kept calling my name and didn’t expect to wake me?”

You chuckled at the tone of his voice, burying your slightly warming face into the cold surface of your pillow, “I just wanted to see how it felt.”

Dick opened his eyes wider to take in your appearance and smiled even though it was adorably lopsided in the haze of his sleep, “Most people call me Dick.”

“Gee, I wonder why.” The response just slipped out of your mouth before you realized it but you were rewarded with a wispy chuckle that had the pit of your stomach evaporate into butterflies.

“You can call me whatever you like though.” He said sleepily, humming before closing his eyes to fall asleep though. You should have stayed quiet then and let him but he had to take responsibility for the electricity crawling up your body and the giant smile that was spreading across your face. You were giving him far too much power.

“I’ll keep that in mind, love.”

The way his eyes snapped open to look at you in shock was too hilarious and you smothered your giggles into the palm of your hand. When he realized you were merely doing it to get a reaction out of him, a smirk spread on his face, “Two can play at this game, princess.”

You hated the way that your breath hitched in your throat. You hate the way the heat that crawled up to your cheeks threatened to burn through your own skin. You hate the way your heart was thundering against your ribcage.

Turning on your back to collect your breath, far too enchanted by his gaze and clearing your throat, trying to regain some control of the situation, “Glad to hear that you’re using my official title.”

The sheds rustled as he shrugged, “If you’re calling me by my government name, I’m going to do the same.”

You rolled your eyes, scoffing out a laugh.

“C’mere.” He mumbled, shifting a little to make room for you on the single bed and you wasted no time, throwing the covers off yourself so eagerly that he laughed and wheeling your IV pole toward his bed so you could climb in beside him.

You were slightly worried that your IV’s might end up tangled but still burrowed into him, grabbing one of his cold hands and warming it between the both of yours. With a happy sigh, you nestled your face into the arm he stretched out under your head, lightly grasping at the material of his shirt.

When your eyes met, you couldn’t stop yourself from stealing a quick peck, giggling when he covered his reddening face with his free hand.

You were so occupied with watching him intently, swimming so deep into the blue of his eyes, memorizing each and every feature and resisting the urge to cover his face in butterfly kisses that you didn’t notice the way he was patting your back to a silent rhythm, rocking you so gently that you were lulling to sleep.

“I’m sleepy.” You murmured, fighting with yourself as your eyelids tried to weigh down shut. Your hands were tightly holding Dick’s, body turned towards him. You agonizingly opened your eyes again even though closing them felt so good.

“Then sleep.”

You shook your head childishly and Dick smiled at you, “I wanna keep looking at you.”

He pulled your hands closer to him, peppering quick kisses across your knuckles and you sighed in delight, eyes fluttering shut again before you wrenched them open.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up. You’ve had a rough day. Get some sleep.” Almost automatically, like his voice was hypnotizing you, your eyes drifted shut again and this time you didn’t open them. Your breathing evened out and you let yourself be carried off to dreamland, finding comfort in the warmth of his hands.

***

Wind flows through the light curtains. Sunlight delicately flits through the room. The smell of fresh laundry. You breathed out a sigh of relief, burrowing under the blanket as your head tried to make sense of the day.

It was perfect. Like the sounds of the waves crashing against the beach. Like the tickling of grass against your bare feet when you walked through a forest. Like the warm comfort of an animal against your body. It was just perfect.

Unknowingly, a smile grew across your face; it had been a long while since you woke up feeling light and at peace. Suddenly overwhelmed with happiness, you reached across you, fingers gently gliding over the cool linen to grasp at—Nothing.

Your eyes snapped open in panic and you abruptly sat up, ignoring the painful tug of the needle in your hand and the moment of dizziness you had to power through. The space next to you was empty and your heart sank, clenching so hard you could feel acid crawl up your throat. Was it all a dream?

Without wasting any time, you threw the covers off you, not bothering to put on slippers, the cold floor waking you up even more before running out. You followed the first sound you heard, taking you to the rec room. The door was already open, and you could tell people were inside.

Nothing could describe the way your heart both relaxed and jumped when you saw Dick in the kitchen, pouring himself a bowl of cereal. The others were with him but you hardly cared. You’d worry about embarrassing yourself in front of them after your heart settled.

Dick turned to you with a smile, faltering for a second when he noticed the way you were looking at him.

“Why’d you leave...” You whined childishly, trying to keep the atmosphere light but it was clear to anyone that your voice was thick with tears. He had just returned and the last thing you wanted him to feel was burdened by your emotions. Before he got a chance to even move, you had wrapped your arms around him, pressing your face to his back, sighing. He was really here.

“I thought it was all a dream.” Robin was the only one who heard what you had whispered, even picking up on the way your voice cracked in the middle.

“Us zombies need to eat too.” He joked, intertwining his fingers with yours and you relaxed against him.

The others kept silent, knowing that this wasn’t the time to start joking and making you feel insecure about taking comfort in his presence. It would be extremely hypocritical considering Wally had cried until his face matched the shade of his hair.

No one knew what would have happened if you hadn’t done what you did. They knew that they’d never be able to look at you the same way, no matter how hard they try. I mean, who could blame them? Everytime they would look at you, they would only be reminded of the loss of their dear friend.

But they also knew that this would be the one thing that pushed you over the edge. Would you have turned into a cold, ruthless vigilante like Batman himself? Would you have isolated yourself and gone back to Themyscira, never to be seen again? Or would you have gone on trying to be strong like you had been?

Luckily, they would never have to find out the answer to their questions. Their best friend was back. Both of them.

A few moments later, where Robin just quietly ate cereal, letting you hold him against you until you felt like you were okay. Then you began to pull away, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck right before you did. You missed the way his face turned bright red, but the others caught it, smirking at him.

“So, (Y/N),” Wally began as you were getting a bowl of cereal for yourself, “What was the Underworld like?”

You could barely remember it. It was dark and scary. You were reminded of times when you were little and got separated from your mother at the grocery store or in a crowd. Hades was a cruel, sadistic god that took every chance to prey on your vulnerable self.

And of course there was the fact that you had begun to die the second you stepped foot there.

“The worst. I always used to feel sorry for Hades because it felt like he got the short end of the stick by ruling the underworld and of course he was related to my grandfather, but he’s just the worst and the next time I go there, I’m stealing his dog.” You said in a single breath, shoveling cereal into your mouth and missing the amused glances they shared.

Anger and resentment was the only way you knew how to keep the terror and absolute agony at bay. Yes, you didn’t feel bad about your choice to save Dick but giving up your powers and your connection to your heritage still killed you on the inside. You tried not to think about it for too long, sooner or later you’d have to come to terms with it and you just wanted to live in blissful ignorance as best you could.

You glanced at Dick from the corner of your eye, watching him talk animatedly with Wally and smiled, leaning in your seat and just taking everything in. The air was light, everyone was happy and you just wanted one morning to enjoy it but as soon as you caught a glance of your wounded hand your stomach began sinking.

Underneath the layers of gauze and bandage was Hades’ insignia engraved into your skin and you couldn’t push down the terrifying feeling that it was somehow all too good to be true. Everytime things began working out, whenever you got some sort of clue, made some headway, or even just felt secure in your relationships, things got messed up.

When you had tried to help someone, Mary-Anne ended up dead. When you tried to survive, your principal followed. When you began training, it was Valerie. And finally when you were just able to pick up all the jagged pieces of your heart and put them back together, someone took Robin from you in the cruelest way possible.

Before you had left for the Underworld, you had pieced a few more things together. The other people who had died cruel, seemingly unrelated, deaths had clues hidden within them. With each death, they moved closer from your previous home in Washington to where you had been currently residing in the cave.

And the most recent murder happened right in your new home. You wanted to believe this had nothing to do with you but it was becoming more and more clear the more you looked at it. Someone was trying to either send you a message, or a warning, or a threat. Would the next death be yours?

The best detectives, the best superheroes, the best of everyone were looking into this but whoever was behind this had been three, ten, twenty steps ahead of you. Was it because they were smarter, faster, better? Or were you perhaps looking at this all wrong?

You bit your lip in thought, absentmindedly pulling at the fraying threads of the gauze and reminding yourself to redress it after breakfast.

You glanced back at Robin again. Why the tarots? Why the warnings? Why the Greek mythology references? Why go through so much trouble to kill people?

Was this the work of a mastermind who just found pleasure in killing people and causing havoc? Or was something more at play here? Was this a cruel mind game where the culprit enjoyed dangling his opponents by strongs? No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t understand.

Why Robin? Why you? Why all these people that had nothing to do with each other?

A cold hand touched yours and you yanked it out of the grip, as flashes of Hades’ wicked smile as burning hot fire branded your soul as his before your vision steadied to the sight of Dick staring at you in concern.

‘His hand was cold because of the cereal bowl.’ You reminded yourself, forgetting the chill you felt walking down the halls of the Underworld.

“Everything okay?”

You sighed, shaking off the tremors and his terrifying eyes piercing into your soul. When you looked deep in Dick’s eyes, the small smile that you had forced on your face melted into a genuine one. He was so cute.

“I’m fine.”

If there was any dating advice from the internet that Dick took seriously, it was this: “When a girl says ‘I’m fine’, she’s in fact not very fine at all.”

He slowly reached for your hand again and you let him intertwine your fingers, squeezing his hand lightly to let him know you were okay. While he was sure everyone was involved in their own conversations, he quickly raised your hand to his mouth, pressing a quick kiss to the back of it.

Oh, how warmth rushed through you, erasing any presence of Hades from your mind.

“You guys are cute and all, but can you please not do this at the table?”

“This coming from the guy who carried Artemis bridal-style, and kissed her in front of everyone.” You retorted without missing a beat.

“You told her?” Wally looked mildly offended at the thought of his best friend telling you that.

“He didn’t have to. The footage was circulating around on the JL message group the week it happened. I saw your first kiss before I even knew any of you.”

The thought of the entire Justice League seeing their first kiss, which they would admit was a tad bit dramatic, had their faces turning hot.

Dick started laughing at their blushing cheeks until you turned to him with a raised brow, “What are you laughing at? I saw you making out with Zatanna two seconds later.”

“She kissed me!” He protested, trying to save his skin and Zatanna spoke up, “Oh sure! Blame the woman!”

***

Two weeks later, you were still finding it hard to sleep, nightmares plaguing your mind every night. You didn’t want to admit to anyone but you kept having dreams of all the victims begging you to save them instead. Take them back to the land of the living instead. Screaming and crying and grabbing your legs as you walked away from them coldly.

You had dreams of being imprisoned by Hades, finding some sort of clause in the agreement you made and ending up in an eternal punishment.

You had nightmares of Robin rotting away, growing cold and dead because what you had done to bring him back to life was unnatural.

It was too good to be true and that made you even more anxious.

Everyone returned back to their routines, going to school, training and occasionally going on missions. Though most of the missions had been put on hold because no one wanted to risk another incident like Robin.

Dick returned to school and took to sleeping at the manor and you were stuck at the cave, wondering just when you’d be released from here a free woman.

Turning on your side, you tried to rock yourself to sleep the way your mother would when you were a child. Finally, after hours of struggling, the dark of the night began to lull you into a sleep and you felt relief as your muscles began relaxing inch by inch. Your eyelids were heavy and all your senses began to blur out into none.

The sound of the air conditioner blended into the faint light from the cracks of the curtains and you could smell the fragrance of home. Your dreams began fading into scenes of Themyscira; playing with your grandmother, exploring the woods, horse riding and swimming with your mother.

Your breathing evened out and you fell asleep.

CRACK!

Pain began exploding through your hand, Hades’ insignia burning a hole through the bandages and even though you screamed, you couldn’t hear the sound of your own voice and instead thrashed on the floor of your bedroom.

It hurt so bad, the pain had your body convulsing and it was only after the initial shocks did you realize you were being held down. A damp cloth was pressed to your mouth, a man holding you down with one hand around your neck. The daze of sleep had long worn off and your body was fighting the effects of whatever chemical the cloth had been doused in.

You struggled, kicking your legs and grabbing the hand that was pinning your neck with both of yours. You dug your nails into his skin but even though you used every ounce of strength, you couldn’t wrench his hands away from your throat. Your body was weakening with every passing second and his grip was slowly cutting off your airways.

All you could feel was the agonizing burning of the marking on your palm.

Tears began clouding your vision, realizing that you were losing your strength, ‘Hades, please. Not now, we had a deal.’

You were able to push him off you just enough to take a measly breath before he was suffocating you once again.

“C-Conner…” You whispered, spots beginning to fill your sight, black blocking out your peripheral vision.

‘I regret it. I regret it.’ You chanted in your head, tears running into your hair. Your grip was loosening, your muscles relaxing and you began going limp when the door slammed open and he was tackled to the ground.

You immediately rolled out of the way, coughing and choking on your own saliva. You could barely breathe, wheezing and gasping for air but it was still incredibly painful. You didn’t even register holding onto your sheets with an iron fist.

Conner pressed your assaulter to the ground, holding his neck down with his knee but when he tried to restrain him, he simply flopped over. Dead.

“(Y/N).” His voice had you panicking and you shuffled behind, backing against the wall like a crazed animal, eyes wide and frantic. Your thoughts were muddled, your hands were shaking. No thoughts were coming to your mind, except that you needed to be away from him.

Your heart clenched in your chest as you stared at the boy you had gone to hell and back to save. It didn’t matter how much you loved him, how much you wanted to save him, how guilty you felt, when it came down to it, even for a fleeting second, you wished you hadn’t.

“Don’t touch me!” Your voice was hoarse and cracked so painfully that Dick winced but he stopped in his place.

Your quavering hands shakily pushed your hair back and you kept your eyes shut as you tried to even your breaths.

“Do you want me to leave?” He asked calmly, just wanting to do what was best for you but you panicked again, “NO!”

‘If he leaves now, he might leave forever. Hades might take him away. He might have heard me.’

You were shaking your head, unable to understand just what it was that you wanted. Everything was collapsing over you, your mind was bouncing from one place to another so quickly that you couldn’t remember just what you were thinking about. All you knew was that your stomach got tighter and tighter and your hands shook faster and faster.

A blanket was placed around your shoulders, your trembling body cradled within the thick duvet and you were wrapped into a tight hug by your boyfriend. You couldn’t breath and couldn’t think but the feeling of a tight, steady hug enveloping you oddly helped.

You don’t know how long Dick was leaning against your bedroom wall, cradling you in a blanket between his legs. All you knew is when you finally stopped shaking, they had taken the body out of the room and he was still holding onto you. And when you apologized for lashing out, he just silenced you with a light kiss to your hair.

You didn’t say anything, too ashamed to even look at him and he didn’t push you to. He just gently grabbed your hand, carefully cradling it and peeling away what was left of the bandages. Blood was making scraps of it stick to the jagged lines cutting through the skin of your palm.

He paused when he finally got a glance of the cuts across your hand and swallowed at the thought of you being carved open. He didn’t say anything about it, he knew that wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

“Let’s just fix this.” He whispered and you nodded, letting him pull you off the floor.

Could you really fix this?

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bbyhoneybee-x · 3 years ago

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What if they hurt there s/o in a fit of rage and accidentally and unknowingly give there s/o a black eye and then storm out off the room and reader try’s to hide the black eye but fails (billy lenz and bo please)

Im back you guys! im sorry ive been on a hiatus for a while i just have some things i needed to deal with and get sorted out in my personal life before i could come back here and write these amazing fics for you guy!!

Bo Sinclair-

The day has started off as it normally does, with you getting up and making coffee for the boys and making something for yourself to eat but that change the moment that Bo stormed into the house with the door slamming behind him. You put your cup down and went into the living room where Bo had picked up a vase and smashed it against the door "Motherfucker!" he yelled out as he threw his hat off and grab a handful of his hair he looked back at you and all you could see in his eyes was rage " Those fucking teens got away because of fucking Vincent " he growled out as he went to grab a picture frame and was about to smash it when you cam over and grab the back of his arm and tried to get him to put it down " hey! calm down!" you said as you pulled on the back of his arm " Get the fuck off of me!" he yelled out and threw his arm back. BAM! his elbow had hit you right in the face and it knocked out you on to the ground. In his fit of rage he didn't even noticed that you were on the floor , one hand hold your eye as pain seers through you. He had already walked out of the room before you could have gotten up, walking over to the mirror that was by the door way you already saw the dark bruise forming over your left eye and the swelling was there. You knew bo could get violent when he was upset but you didn't think he would hurt you.

Later that night when the whole situation had calmed down you were in the bedroom that you shared with your boyfriend when he had walked into the room, setting his hat down on the table next to the bed. You meekly looked up from the book you were reading when he sighs , his back turned to you " Doll i-i just wanted to apologize for earlier-" he started to say when he turned around and saw the now black and blue bruise around your eye his face had dropped and rushed over to you , taking you face gently in his rough hands " Baby what happened? Did i do this?" he said , worried written all over his face. He never meant to hurt you on purpose or even accidentally. you held your hands over his as you looked back in his eyes " im fine Bo it was just accident" you said softly as you tried to turn your head away from him to shield the black eye from him . "I hurt you doll, it's not ok" he started to stammer over his words and apologized over and over again as he looked over your body to see if he had hurt you somewhere else but he only shut up when you pressed your lips against his. He melted into you , wrapping his arms around holding you tightly against his body " I swear i will never hurt you again baby ill do whatever it takes to make it up to you" he said against your lips.

Billy Lenz-

Your relationship with Billy was rocky at times since his fits and him himself are unpredictable at times, the littlest things could set him off and when he gets angry its almost impossible at times to calm him down. You just have to let him calm down but at the same time he could end up hurting himself. You do love him and you want to help him but it feels like at times you cant. So this evening you are currently tried to get an angry billy to calm down with the promises of anything he wanted but it just wasn't working at all so you moved yourself from the bedroom to the kitchen to collect yourself when you head a loud crash come from the other room. You sigh softly as you made your way back to the bedroom , seeing broken glass on the floor and billy holding his hand which had blood running down it. You rushed over to him and grab his arm trying to take a look at his hand " oh my god billy what happened are you ok?" you asked trying to see if there still glass in his hand " Here let me go grab the medical-" you couldn't even finish your sentence before billy had pulled his hand away from you and shoved you away from him but he ended up falling on top of you. He was frantically trying to get away but in the process he had hit you in your face when he got himself off of you. you laid there for a second holding your hand over you eye while it throbbed in pain, you could hear billy in the other room picking up the phone and slamming it repeatedly on the receiver while cursing out. You knew he didn't mean to hurt you but at the same time you didn't want him to feel bad that he had hurt you. In time billy would calm down and he would come to find you , seeking some sort of comfort from you , that was in his way of saying that he was sorry but when he had found you in the living room with your back turned to him , he almost instantly wrapped his arms around you but you kept your head to your chest. He could tell something was off when you wouldn't look back at him so he grabbed your cheek in his rough hand and forced you to look at him and his face was filled with sorrow and regret , he had hurt you , the person he loved , all because of his rage he had ended up leaving you with a black eye.He whimpers softly burring his head into your neck as he mumbled to himself. You knew he was sorry for accidentally hurting you so you turned to face him and wrapped you arms around him , running your fingers through his hair as he mumbled a soft " Im sorry" against your neck. "it's ok billy it was just an accident ok?" you said softly as he clanged onto you for life as if you would just slip through his fingers, in time you two would find a way to help when he got into his rage fits but for now this is what it is .

#bubba sawyer #slashers #horror #thomas hewitt #bo sinclair #vincent sinclair #michael myers #brahms hillshire #brahms the boy #ghostface #billy lenz #slashers x reader #slasher imagines #slashers smut #house of wax bo #house of wax 2005 #black christmas

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