#sorry I haven’t been super active it is a combo of getting back to working a lot after a lazy summer plus
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myokk · 2 months ago
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1) the sunrise!!!😇🙏 it’s back to being beautiful now thst it isn’t raining/cloudy every day🫶
2) the only time he was a good boy today🙄👹
3) salpa….weird jelly creatures that fill the beaches now but they’re harmless!!
4) I’m not the best photographer but THERE ARE TWO HUGE JELLYFISH…see if you can spot them🕵️‍♀️ they’re bigger than my head😭😭😭 my bf swam this morning and he said ONE WENT RIGHT PAST HIM 😥😥 (he’s crazy)
5) finally feeling better & starting to teach my art classes again🥹 a student made that necklace for me over the summer so ofc I had to wear it😤💓
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witch-trials13 · 4 months ago
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I’m bored and can’t sleep (sorry if my answers don’t make sense it’s 4am lol-feel free to ask questions) also very new to this so I barely use we instead of I :)
❤️- OSDD1b
🧡-Yes just got diagnosed a couple weeks ago! Actually had no clue I had this disorder but one day I got overstimulated (I’m also autistic) by my literal conscious lol and basically after calling my therapist in panic (in summary) apparently having multiple voices in your head isn’t normal 😂
💛- around 30 I believe I keep track of it with SimplyPlural
💚- low tolerance
💙- pretty frequently probably around 3 times a day that I notice
💜- Yes, Quinni from heartbreak high and a couple from Degrassi: Next Gen
(Can’t see this emoji I haven’t updated my tablet)- no
🎥- I am not completely sure but mainly Salem (host) Rosemary (Little) and Izzy (basically the analyzer/academia)
📼- No
🎞️- I actually don’t know kinda like a mix of both but mostly community labels and some I made up
📽️- Depends some are very distinct but others are pretty similar and are friends
📺- yes it’s draining my wallet lol
🎙️- Haven’t thought of it but highly possible cause I don’t have a consistent taste so thanks for bringing this to my mind :)
📻- yeah bunch of friendships, I view some as parental almost like a neighborhood where neighbors and their families are super close if that makes sense
☀️- A lot of emotional amnesia and like grayouts I believe it’s called
🌙- nope outside of the once in every blue moon for like a couple minutes and honestly it’s terrifying so props to everyone who experiences it
⚡️- Honestly hard to describe I don’t notice is half the time until after it occurs, sometimes I get pressure headaches when it’s intense/rapid-switching
☄️- pretty quick rarely someone is not fronting usually when I’m walking to and from a place there may not completely be one person, usually all just vibin in co-con when walking
🌈-yes but usually it’s when it’s like an emotional thing or after I’ve been working on homework for a long time and can’t get that alter back to finish the work
☁️- usually takes at least a couple minutes after a switch occurs for me to realize
💦- kind of but not usually so I guess it depends on the alters basically it just like automatically happens most the time but occasionally especially with the children I can switch on command
🌱- yes basically the main room is the inside out control panel room and than theirs always that leads to different alters rooms
🌿- pretty easy
☘️- yeah I believe it’s just a further back bedroom
🌳- yes lmao, some sleepover in their friends room
🌵- I would say medium like I haven’t discovered all of it, but I’m aware of it if that makes sense like I know everyone has a room but not what it looks like or the exact location of everyone’s room
🍃- no they all can access it fairly easily
🪴- kinda like a combo of both like as soon as I think of it, it kinda just came together the more I focused on it
🍭- I actually don’t have one, kinda thinking of something to do with family/neighborhood so if anyone has any ideas please let me know :)
🍪-kinda all just go by Salem it’s the name I chose freshman year of college when I was coming to terms with gender identity, we all use they/he but that’s the most of it and all of us want us to become a mental health counselor and just finished applying to grad schools :)
🍬- oh god there’s a ton and suddenly I forgot most of them lol although I randomly said sussy Baka to my therapist after she said sus lmaoooo I have never said that before in my life
🍫 - text our therapist sometimes but like in such a confusing way she deserves a raise
🧁- not too much because luckily my autism keeps me painfully self-aware and gave me hyper-empathy, enough to know we all have the role of protecting each other
🍰- yes I informed one person in each main setting I’m in, one coworker, an advisor for an org I’m active in and my therapist and obviously on tumblr because no one I know IRL knows about it lol
🍦- it’s pretty good sometimes too good aka they be overstimulating sometimes when they have 9272929 conversations at once lol, but some alters are more aware than others
🍡- depends on what you mean by subcultures we definitely are tho
system ask game for traumagenic systems!
reposted due to us deleting our previous sysblog <3
remember that you are free to decline any question if it feels too invasive, this is for fun and you are not forced to answer anything 🤍
I: basics
❤️ - what type of CDD do you have?
🧡 - are you medically recognised/diagnosed? if not, do you plan to? (no judgement either way!)
💛 - if you are comfortable sharing, what is your headcount? do you keep track of it?
💚 - do you have a high or low split tolerance?
💙 - do you switch frequently or do you go longer periods between switching?
💜 - does your system have introjects of any kind?
🩷 - do you have any subsystems?
II: alters
🎥 - who are your frequent fronters?
📼 - do you have any non-human alters? if yes, which species are the majority of them?
🎞️ - do the alters in your system use more medical coined roles or more community coined roles? or both/neither? do you find them useful?
📽️ - are the alters in your system more distinct or less distinct from each other?
📺 - do you make/buy gifts to other alters in the systems?
🎙️ - does the taste in music vary a lot between different alters?
📻 - does your system have any type of in system relationships? (familial, romantic, platonic etc.)
III: switching
☀️ - how much amnesia do you experience?
🌙 - do you experience black out amnesia?
⚡️ - what does switching feel like for you? does it vary between alters?
☄️ - do you experience quick switches or does it take longer to switch usually?
🌈 - do you get frontstuck often? what do you do to try to get ‘un-stuck’?
☁️ - do you ever not notice you’ve switched, and suddenly realise that ‘you haven’t been you’ for a while?
💦 - can you switch ‘on command’ or is that something that is hard for your system? does it depend on the alter?
IV: headspace
🌱 - do you have a headspace? if yes, describe it! if no, do you want one?
🌿 - how easily accessed is your headspace?
☘️ - is there a place in your headspace where dormant alters go?
🌳 - do alters have their own rooms/areas in your headspace?
🌵 - is your headspace big, or smaller? is it complex/less complex?
🍃 - do you have specific alters that cannot access headspace at all?
🪴 - did you have to build your headspace over time, or was it just there?
V: general
🍭 - how did you pick your system name?
🍪 - do you have a collective name/identity/orientation? if yes, how did your system make those decisions?
🍬 - what’s the funniest thing another alter has said to you? (internally or externally communicated)
🍫 - how does your system handle in system disagreements in general?
🧁 - is there anyone specific in your system you don’t get along with?
🍰 - are you ‘out’ as a system to anyone? (online friends/partners etc. count!)
🍦 - how good is your communication with the rest of the system? does it vary much between different alters?
🍡 - are different alters part of different subcultures? which ones? (we are!)
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broadstbroskis · 4 years ago
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thanksgiving | jeff skinner
a/n: it’s here!!! this is like 4k that i threw together in like a week after i took it as a personal challenge from @blueskrugs after i asked why we don’t write more thanksgiving fics. a huge shoutout to her and @danglesnipecelly, for inspiration and cheering me on for this, as well as literally anyone else who’s cheered me on to finish thing, you’re all the real mvps and i love you all 💚
-----
Jeff shrugs, and from across the table filled with pizza, beer, and a bunch of other things that are most definitely not on his approved list of foods, you stare at him.
“I dunno. I don’t really have plans, I guess? Probably just sit at home, relax a little?” He says. Your jaw drops. He has...he has what now? “You're going to your parent’s right?” You nod slowly, still stuck on the fact that he’s going to sit at home and do nothing on Thanksgiving, the best of all holidays. Not spend the day with some teammates, not make a quick trip to his family, nothing. “That’ll be fun!” Jeff grins, dimples popping. “What are you-”
“You’re doing nothing?” You get out finally, the words coming back to you.
Jeff’s smile falters, but only slightly, and he nods. “Yeah? I mean, there’s no practice, no games. I’ll just…” He trails off for a second and then shrugs. “Rest.”
“You’re not going to go, like, visit your parents? They’re right across the border!”
“It’s a Thursday.” Jeff says patiently and you abruptly remember that his Canadian-ness is the whole point of this conversation.
“Thanksgiving is the best holiday! You can’t sit at home alone on it; I forbid it!” Jeff’s smile grows again as he laughs and you try and fight your own grin as you shove at his shoulders, to no avail. “Come home with me!”
“What?” He laughs again, but this time, it’s more like disbelief.
But the idea is already growing in your mind. “Come home with me! You know my parents love you, they won’t mind at all!”
“I can’t just invite myself to your Thanksgiving!” Jeff protests.
You wave him off. “You’re not, I’m inviting you! Come on, we’d love to have you!” He still looks hesitant, so you add, “Our Thanksgiving is huge anyway; one extra mouth to feed isn’t going to put anyone out, Jeff.”
“Alright.” He caves, and you grin, pulling your phone close to you to text your mom and let her know. “But ask your mom, okay? Like, really ask her, don’t just, like, tell her I’m coming.”
“Too late!” You say cheerfully, showing him the text you’d sent in your family group chat, telling them you were bringing Jeff with you next week. Your mom’s already responded with a string of happy face emojis and your younger sister with a How I Met Your Mother gif about Canadian Thanksgiving. “Be prepared for a lot of Canada jokes!”
“Is that supposed to be different than any other time I see your family?’ Jeff deadpans, but you’re pretty sure he looks like, at least 50% more relaxed, so you count this as a win and ignore him completely, already mentally planning for the best holiday of the year.
-----
The drive back home to your parents takes about an hour longer than you’d like, stuck in the same godawful traffic as everyone else trying to leave Buffalo on Wednesday so that they can get back home in time to go out that night. 
When Jeff finally pulls his car up in front of your childhood home, you can already see that it’s bustling with activity, getting ready for tomorrow. Most of your siblings have already arrived- only your older brother, with his wife and daughters will come in tomorrow, with the rest of your family- but your younger brother and sister have already come home, a fact that’s even more evident when you and Jeff walk in the front door and immediately trip over three pairs of sneakers.
“Liam!” You cry, grabbing onto Jeff so you don’t fall. “Motherfucker, move your shoes!”
Your brother pops his head out of the living room, AirPods in his ears. “I’m on a call!” And just as you're marveling at the fact that your brother is a real person with a real job taking real work calls, said real person with a real job spots Jeff and lights up. “Jeff! Bro! What’s up, man?”
“I thought you were on a call.” You snap at him.
“I’m on mute.” Liam slaps his palm against Jeff’s pulling him in for a ridiculous handshake-bro hug combo, before he finally comes over and lifts you off the floor. “Yo!”
“Yo!” You repeat, honestly unable to believe you’re related to this kid. If the two of you didn’t look exactly alike, you’d probably think he was adopted. “You still coming out tonight?”
“Hell yeah, this is my last call. I’m ready to go.”
You snicker, looking down at his sweatpants and dress shirt combo- he must have taken a video call at some point today. “Yeah, okay, bud.”
He ruffles your hair, in that annoying way he’s been able to do ever since he grew taller than you. “Don’t you worry, I will be.”
You laugh, ducking under his arm, to let him get back to it. You’ve got no doubts about that. Liam’s always ready to party. “Finish your call so we can start pregaming.”
He grins, like you knew he would. “Now we’re talking.” And then he ducks back into your dad’s office.
Jeff is laughing when you look back at him and you give him a look. “What?”
“Nothing, just forgot how the two of you were when you got going.”
“Yup, and you’re stuck with us for next two days!” You grin.
Jeff rolls his eyes at you, but he’s still smiling when he follows you to the kitchen, in search of your mom. She’s at the counter, rolling dough for biscuits, her only other contribution to the annual Thanksgiving dinner that she hosts, besides the turkey; a holiday that she’d taken over hosting once it had become too much for your grandmother to handle, but only on the caveat that everyone began contributing food toward the meal. It’s been a potluck style holiday ever since.
She’s ultra-focused, the volume on her favorite playlist high (this wild mix of 80’s pop and today’s hits that’s actually kind of a banger), so you sneak up behind her and wrap your arms around her. “Hi!”
“Jesus!” Your mom jumps, elbowing you in the process, but you’re laughing too hard to care. “Don’t do that!”
“Just excited to see you!” You beam at her, squeezing her once more, before pulling away. “Where do you want the pie?” Jeff lifts the pie you’d made yesterday, showing your mom.
Your mom purses her lips, studying the kitchen around her. “Leave it on the counter for now; I’ll have your dad clear some space in the garage.” She gestures with her elbow. “Hi Jeff!” 
“Hi!” Jeff pulls out his best smile, a real one, dimples super popped. “Thank you for having me-”
Your mom cuts him off before he can finish, like you knew she would. “Oh, we’re so happy you could make it! You’re welcome anytime, Jeff!” She assures him.
“Is the guest room ready?” You ask. “We’ll throw our stuff upstairs before Dad sees it at the bottom of the steps and has a fit.”
Your mom fights back a laugh at that- a statement that everyone in your family knows all too well-but then looks almost apologetic as she finishes, “It is, but we gave it to Katie.”
“Oh, Katie’s here too?” Your sister’s roommate at college was, at this point, basically another sister to you. She hardly went home for breaks within the semesters, usually came up for at least a month during the summer, and more often than not came home with Abby when she was back for anything. The “guest room” really was more like Katie’s room at this point. 
“Where else would she be?” Abby appears, right on cue, with Katie right behind her, practically matching in leggings and oversized sorority shirts. “It’s Thanksgiving; she’s ready to rage tonight.”
You actually can’t wait for the babies to be hungover tomorrow-both were 21 for their first Thanksgiving Eve and you know they’re going to be in a super rough spot tomorrow-but you keep that thought to yourself. 
“It didn’t even occur to me!” Your mom says apologetically. “I just gave Katie her usual room.”
“No, it’s cool. Jeff and I can share. He doesn’t mind, right?” But you barely even wait for his shrug and nod in agreement. It’s not like you haven’t before, when you’re either too lazy or too drunk to go home. You’re both adults, it’s no big. “I’ve shared a bed with you before; I’ll spare Katie the bruised shins.” You tease your sister.
Katie cracks up as Abby sputters out how rude you are. “It’s a hazard!” Katie agrees, dodging the swat your sister sends towards her. It sets the two of them off, which you take as your cue to grab Jeff’s hand and drag him (and your stuff) up to your room.
Of course, usually when you’re sharing a bed with Jeff, it’s a king sized bed, or at least a queen- definitely not the double that your parents just shoved in your old room to replace the queen bed that had been in there until you moved out and took your furniture with you. You hadn’t realized how small it was though, not until today, until the idea of actually having to share it with someone, with Jeff, who might not be a giant, but isn’t tiny.  “Sorry.” You apologize, almost unsure of what you’re saying.
Jeff shrugs. “Well, at least you don’t kick.” He smiles, as then it’s like everything’s back to normal, that awkward feeling that was growing over you gone as quickly as it came. 
“She’s a bruiser, don’t let her tell you otherwise.” You throw your bag down, rifling through it for the sweater you were planning to wear tomorrow, to hang it up so it isn’t too wrinkled.
Jeff laughs. “I’ll take your word for it.” He’s holding up his shirt, a button down and a tie. “Where can I hang this?”
“You can’t wear that!”
He frowns, likely at the vehemence you’d just spoken that with. “Uhh, why not?”
“You’ll get roasted.” Seriously, you’d told him it wasn’t a dressy affair. God, what part of not dressy does he think requires a tie? “Don’t you have, like, a sweater?”
“I mean, yeah, but-”
“Sweater and jeans, that’s fine.”
Jeff gives you a look. “That doesn’t seem-”
“Sweater. And jeans.” You repeat. He’ll thank you tomorrow, when your uncle doesn’t ask him when tea is. When your cousin doesn’t talk to him only in a fake British accent for the entire night. 
Jeff hands over a sweater, a soft thing you’ve seen him wear on many occasions, and you smile your thanks at him, hanging it up next to yours. “Meet your standards?” He asks; you think he’s aiming for teasing but he kind of misses the mark, sounding a little more nervous than joking.
“Perfect.” He smiles back at you and you laugh. “Come on, you dork. Let’s go see what’s for dinner tonight.”
-----
“Don’t wake me up when you come in tonight!” Your dad calls, as he drops the five of you off at Mel’s, the bar for Thanksgiving Eve. Your friends are already at the bar, you’re anticipating a high school reunion for sure, and you’ve warned Jeff of this, even though he assured you that he could handle it, and he was just excited for a nice, chill night.
You’d actually laughed out loud at that. Oh Jeffrey. 
“Pshh.” Liam waves your dad off. “I haven’t done that since I was like 16 and still having to sneak out.”
Your dad gives him a look. “I was talking to your sister.” He looks over at Abby, who ignores him completely, in favor of taking a SnapChat with Katie, and he sighs resolutely. You all absolutely know she isn’t listening to a word he says. “Have fun, be safe. Uber home.”
Liam salutes him. “Will do.”
Inside the bar, the night starts exactly as you and Liam have started your last few Thanksgiving Eve’s-with a round of shots at the bar as you’re ordering drinks, before splitting off to find your respective friends to start the evening.
Jeff fits in with your friends fantastically, laughing and joking around with them like he’s known them forever, even though you’re sure the only one he’s met is your oldest friend, Ashley. But he greets Ashley and her husband, Brian, like old friends, and quickly joins conversations with all your other friends, and soon hours have passed before your brother is sliding up behind you. “Heads up.” Liam mutters as he passes. “Douche at 3 o’clock.”
You tense as it takes everything in you not to turn and look over. “Hey.” Jeff nudges you, concern clear in his eyes as he looks at you, and you’re not sure what he pulled himself away from, but you must look pretty bad. “You okay?”
You nod, kinda spacily, but leaning in closer to him, and he takes the cue to curl in toward you- you’re not really interested in shouting to the entire bar and you’re really not interested in drawing attention to yourself. “Yeah, just- my ex is over there.”
Jeff purses his lips for a minute and then schools his face back to neutral. “I take it things didn’t end well.”
“No.” You say, thinking of the demise of your relationship with Dylan. “It did not.”
You hadn’t even realized that Jeff grabbed your hand until he’s squeezing it gently. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” You shake your head. “It was...definitely for the best.” It might have taken you a while to see that, but you can now, even if the rare instances you still see Dylan sometimes rattles you. “I thought I was going to marry him, at one point, but I’m so much happier here now.”
Jeff smiles. “Good.”
You squeeze his hand once more, a thanks for his comfort and care, before both of you rejoin the conversation, and you forget about Dylan entirely for the next hour, until you physically run into him coming back from the bar with another round of drinks for you and Jeff.
“Hey!” Dylan beams at you, goes right in for a cheek kiss, like you’re still that familiar, and once again you stiffen up.
“Hi.” You return politely, ready to sidestep around him and return to Jeff and your friends.
“No, wait.” Dylan steps with you, blocking your path. “I haven’t seen you in forever. Let’s catch up a minute, what’s new?”
“No offense, Dylan, but I’m not really looking to catch up with you.” You say flatly.
He opens his mouth to respond, but before he can another voice cuts in. “Everything okay here?” Jeff asks politely, stepping very purposefully next to you, and Dylan’s eyes immediately fly over to him.
“Mhmm,” You nod. “Was just on my way back to you.”
“Good.” Jeff says, in a tone far more harsh than you usually hear him take. “Let’s get back.” He positions himself again, clearing a space for you to easily slip past Dylan, and then steps closely behind you, catching up quickly.
“Thanks.” You lean against him, gently, not looking to spill either of your drinks, but Jeff solves that problem by taking his.
“Any time.” Jeff says softly and you don’t have much else to say on the matter so you just nudge him once more in thanks and walk back toward your friends with him at your side.
-----
When you wake up the next morning, you’re warm and comfortable and only a little hungover, which you count as a huge success. There’s not too much noise going on downstairs yet, which means you definitely have some more time to sleep, so you curl back into your pillow, humming contently when it pulls you in closer.
And then your eyes pop open abruptly, because pillows don’t do that.
Except they do when they look like Jeff Skinner, who looks just as soft and warm and comfortable as you feel right now, still sleeping judging by the evenness of his breath. 
It’s just...it’s a really nice way to wake up, with Jeff’s kind-of smiling face, looking super soft and cozy as he breathes just on the wrong side of too loud, but not so loudly that it drives you nuts. 
It’s a little too early to unpack that, and your hangover might not be that bad but it’s definitely bad enough that you’re not ready to think on that, so you close your eyes and let yourself curl into Jeff and fall back asleep.
-----
When you do finally get out of bed, Thanksgiving morning is its usual chaos, running around with last minute errands, cleaning, and helping your mom in the kitchen. The last to shower for the day, by the time you arrive downstairs, the Lions vs. Bears game is well underway, your notoriously early grandparents have already arrived, and your grandmother is already asking your mom where that one turkey decoration she bought her one year is.
You bypass the kitchen entirely and move toward the living room, where you find your dad, grandfather, Jeff, and siblings all gathered, just as you’d expected. You slide down on the floor next to Jeff, knowing that it’s only a matter of time before more of your family arrives and you’re offering your set up anyway, and wait for the next round of chaos to begin.
It doesn’t take long. Your aunts, uncles, and cousins start pouring in and then it’s just introduction after introduction, as you wrap up showing off Jeff to one group just as the next arrives. You are absolutely confident he has no idea who anyone is, but it’s fine, because he’s still laughing and joking around with all your uncles and cousins that have joined you in watching football. 
The kitchen is its own brand of chaos, when you make a quick stop in on your back from a beer run, but chaos has never stopped your aunt before and it certainly isn’t today. “Oh my god!” She exclaims, after you’ve pressed a smacking kiss to the top of your grandmom’s head. “That boy!”
“What boy?” You ask, like an idiot, which is immediately clear from the looks you get from everyone in the kitchen, even your usually oblivious uncle, who’s doing...something...with the ham they’d brought. “Who, Jeff?”
“Yes.” Another aunt stresses. “He’s cute!”
You shrug. “Yeah, I mean-”
But your grandmom cuts you off this time. “And so friendly! Just the nicest boy! Oh, you couldn’t have found anyone better!” She exclaims.
“Well, I haven’t.” You announce, watching all of their faces fall. “So sorry to burst that bubble.”
“Why?” One of your older cousins frowns. “Girl. Get on that. You are not going to do better than that boy in there.”
“I truly don’t know if that was meant to be a dig at me or you all think that highly of Jeff already, but regardless. We are just friends.” Now everyone in the kitchen is giving you a look. You gather the beers and retreat, distributing them as you return to your spot on the floor near Jeff.
He’s giving you a look as you pass him his, but whatever’s on your face must not be too bad, because he just thanks you as you pass him the bottle, and you nod in return as you try to find the same comfortable spot as before, leaning against his thigh.
-----
Your dad catches you a bit later, as he’s coming back with beers this time and you’re coming out of the bathroom, and he nudges you carefully as you take a few bottles from his hand. “So Jeff?”
You groan. The tone of that statement was far too loaded. “Jesus, you too?”
Your dad laughs. “Who else?”
“Everyone.”
“Well maybe that should be your hint.” Your dad says teasingly, but also not? There’s definitely some seriousness to this. “That Jeff’s pretty perfect for you.”
You stare at him. “You’ve met Jeff, like, a hundred times. Why’s this coming out now?”
“I always thought you were my smart kid and that you’d figure it out yourself.” He muses. “Now I realize you’re only book-smart and you’d never figure this out on your own.” And then he leaves you there in the hallway, with your jaw dropped and too many thoughts, as he continues on, laughing at you.
-----
When the call to come serve yourselves echoes into the room, the usual mad scramble follows immediately. It’s only as you’re getting into line behind your brother that you realize that Jeff’s not with you anymore, and you abandon the long line waiting for food, in favor of seeking out Jeff.
You find Jeff upstairs, in your room, just kind of lounging on your bed, and you lean against the doorway. “Hey! Food’s ready.”
“Yeah.” Jeff nods, the smile he sends you back in return far too tight and forced to be genuine. “Be right down.”
But he doesn’t move, so you step in and climb into your bed next to him. “What’s wrong?”
Jeff laughs; it’s kind of hollow and doesn’t sound anything like his usual loud laugh or his giggles that you love. “What- nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”
“Jeff.” You say softly. “Come on.”
He sighs. “Why did you bring me here?”
That...was not at all what you expected. “What?”
“Why did you bring me here?” He repeats. “Why did you bring me home, to your family? I thought, maybe, finally…” He trails off for a minute. “Except, there’s like ten other randos here too!” He laughs again, that hollow thing that you’re already hating. “Everybody in this family just brings people home, and that’s awesome, okay? Please don’t ever change that about yourself. I just-I thought we had something special, is all.” He says, sounding almost sad? Melancholy? 
“You are special.” You hate this. Jeff should never be sad; he should always be happy and smiling and joking. This is worse than seeing him after losses, worse than seeing him at low points in the season, that one game when he realizes that shit’s done and they’re just playing to keep playing now, that playoffs won’t be coming this year, again. “Jeff, you’re-”
“I’m in love with you.” Jeff says and it’s so straight-up, matter-of-fact, like it’s never not been a fact for him. “And I’m sorry I’ve fucked things up here for tonight and made this so awkward. I just- being here with you and your family just made me want you that much more.”
There’s so so so much you want to say to Jeff, but it’s like time is frozen. You can’t speak, can’t move, can’t do anything except look at him in awe, until he starts to move off your bed, when you reach for him, finally, resting your hand on his thigh, relieved when he looks back at you. “My dad thinks I’m an idiot.” You blurt out and Jeff just gives you a look. “I’m sorry; that wasn’t what I wanted to say.” You take a deep breath, trying to gather the jumble of thoughts in your head. “Or at least, not the only thing. He thinks I’m an idiot because he thinks you’re perfect for me and I didn’t see it. My whole family thinks you’re perfect- cute and friendly and nice- and god, Jeff, you are! You’re all those things!” He’s still watching you, with like, barely the smallest hint of a smile on his face. “I just-didn’t realize you were perfect for me until we came here.”
Now he’s full on beaming, dimples showing, and you don’t even realize that you’re returning the grin until his hand comes up to your face, thumbing at the corner of your lip. “I’m sorry I’m a dumbass.” You finish lamely, too busy smiling at Jeff. “Please kiss me so we can make sure we get biscuits.”
Jeff hums. “I don’t know if I can kiss you now and just...stop.”
“Well I’m not going down to eat until you do.” You say stubbornly. “And you’ve been hyping up those biscuits since breakfast.”
“Fair enough.” Jeff laughs and then you’re smiling into the best first kiss you’ve ever had, tangling your hands into his hair and wondering if you may actually end up missing the meal this year.
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elliot-orion · 4 years ago
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1-5! :)
Pretty sure this was from the deep dive asks a while back., sorry for it taking so long! i just didn't have a project to work on, but I do now!! I’ll be answering for the White Lake (temp title) characters, Logan, Nellie, and Charlie.  Thank you so much! 
1. Who are two characters that don’t like each other? What do they reveal about each other to the readers? Will they ever learn to put aside their differences?
Logan and Nellie have a bunch of tension at first, honestly. Logan is stubborn, but Nellie is more so, and both want opposite things. They also have a weird initial dynamic of “we were like... friend adjacent in high school, haven't talked to each other since, so we feel like we know the other but we’ve really barely exchanged a few words outside of class projects.” They were both the school weirdos and stuck together out of necessity, not real friendship, even tho both consider the other a friend even tho they really aren’t, so it leads to a lot of ‘i think you are this way but you arent behaving this way, why the hell wont you behave this way??” bc of the other like... placing what they want the other to be like onto them. if that makes even a lick of sense. I guess it all reveals what they want in a friend to the reader, bc they assume the other to be their Ideal Friend since they have nothing to confirm nor deny that. But its more of a ‘what you want versus what you need’ thing. Nellie wants someone who will listen to her and let her protect them without asking questions bc not listening and asking too many questions that nell couldn't answer got her one actual friend killed. Logan wants someone who just accepts his weirdness and doesn't try to push him. But Nell is pushy when she thinks she’s right (and tbh she usually is), and Logan is curious, and its a mess at first. They do put aside their differences tho. Nell is determined as hell and she realized at some point that she needs to work with Logan to keep him safe, and Logan learns that he needs to teach Nell how to accommodate his autism (that he doesn't know is autism because his parents suck) because she has no idea and just thinks he’s being difficult and has to meet her halfway too. Its messy but they work it out and become way way better friends because of it.
2. What do you hope readers will take away from your WIP? Is there an intentional theme (or themes) to the story?
I mean there’s not an intentional theme to it. I definitely want people to be unsettled and a little freaked out, I am intending it to be like... romantic era horror level horror book, if that makes sense. more atmospheric and eerie then ‘im actually going scream I'm so afraid’ horror. But also themes of friendship maybe? idk I haven't decided if there will be romance yet but definitely friendship and found family stuff.
3. What do you love most about your protagonist? (It can be something you’d admire in them if they were real, or something interesting about them as a character.)
Oh jeez. I love how determined Nell is to protect Logan. She doesn't always do it right, because misunderstandings and her idea of safe is different than his idea of happy and she needs to learn that he might be safer with her way but he’d be miserable. She just loves her people so much and she’s determined not to fail again, but its all coming from a place of deep love and I really admire how much she’s willing to put into keeping her family together. For Logan I admire how strong he is honestly. He lives in a really conservative, ableist town with parents who think he's just being difficult when its not his fault he's neurodivergent, but he knows who he is and what he needs and even when Nell is trying to push her beliefs about him onto him he stands strong in who he is. He knows he’s not wrong. He’s just lonely because no one else knows that. Its really admirable in my opinion (maybe because I've never been able to do that with my neurodivergencies and I'm definitely projecting but whateverrrrrrr). He’s also a really good friend, he’s just not given many chances to be that. As for Charlie I just love how happy they are. They try so hard to get Nell and Logan to get along, and they are always smiling even when they are the one who has the most reasons to be miserable (considering they did you know. die horrifically and are now trapped by an eldrich lake)They are always pushing themself to make others happy, even at their own expense, and while its not a trait I admire, it is one that I love in characters because I just love the hurt comfort when they break :3 also they are just fun as hell and I love my little extrovert cinnamon roll (who is way more devious than they seem but thats what happens when you basically grow up and then spend about 130 years with a ghost circus)
4. Is there anything in the story that is implied, but not directly stated? Will this become more relevant later on? How perceptive would a reader have to be to pick up on this?
A lot of the lake stuff is implied at first, and there's a big misdirect, but it gets cleared up after just a bit so I don't think it counts. Um... idk ok I haven't even written draft one yet so idk what will be implied vs told I'm a pantser I've got about 6 plot point checkpoints and a vague idea of progression here most of this is being bs-ed. Im not even sure yet if I'm making Logan a trans guy or if there will be romance or anyone’s sexualities besides Nellie (who is v much a lesbian) I’ll get back to you on this. Although wait actually - Logan never gets his autism diagnosed, I know that, so that is implied but it's like. heavily implied so you won't have to be super perceptive to figure it out. I’m not doing any -coded stuff, he is, he just lives in a shitty town with no therapists for anyone to talk to. kinda hard to go to a therapist not from town and go ‘yea my best friends are ghosts, my town is actively trying to kill me, sorry im late the road disappeared how are you today?’ you feel? no one in this town gets any goddamn therapy. But its not explicit no. 
5. Which character has the most intricate backstory? Is this backstory common knowledge from the start, or is it revealed later on? How does this backstory affect the narrative?
Oh man uh... I guess Charlie has the most intricate backstory? definitely, the longest since they did die in the 1890s. In a fire. While they were trapped in a tiny ass box. in the middle of said fire. and burned alive.  .... What i said it was horror didn't i?? Charlie has some SERIOUS claustrophobia my guys. It’s common knowledge to the circus folks how Charlie died, they sorta agree its the worst of them all. Everyone died from the fire but only Charlie was trapped in such a small space unable to get out. They are the contortionist of the circus, it was a combo act with the magician who locked them in this way-too-small box and was going to make them disappear when the fire started and he ran off to help people and forgot them in the box. He’s super apologetic and Charlie only sorta still blames him. Logan and Nellie know that Charlie died in the fire but they don't find out until later exactly how. Idk how much it affects the narrative yet, but it does affect how Charlie interacts with the other circus performers since they tend to be mother hen-y around them, tho that also has to do with, again, charlie basically being raised by the whole crew. they ran away at like 11-12 or so to join, so yea, especially the people who have been there forever tend to view them as their kid in a way. It takes a village after all. But whether it affects the whole story, idk, again haven't started it yet. 
thanks again for the asks, and im sorry it took so long! 
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luvknow · 5 years ago
Text
not so bad | lee minho
genre: lee minho x fem!reader | friends-to-lovers ; roommates ; college au ; swearing ; alcohol consumption
summary: falling for your best friend isn’t the most ideal situation, but it’s not as bad as you think
wc: 13.7k
For most people, living with your best friend sounded like the most ideal situation - the absolute best and only option. Most people couldn’t even begin to think about living with anyone else. Think about it; endless nights staying up watching some shitty Netflix live-action adaptation of an anime, eating Chinese take-out on lazy Sunday evenings, going grocery shopping together? The list of things to do together was infinite! Who else would anyone want to do all the boring domestic stuff with other than their best friend?
But you, on the other hand, would rather be homeless.
“Wo~ow,” Minho scoffed when you rejected his generous offer.
The two of you sat in his newly-furnished, but still a bit empty, living room to take a break from unpacking and arranging all of his junk. About a month before the new semester started, Minho’s rich-ass uncle so graciously offered him one of his several houses just a couple bus stops away from campus. As long as Minho kept the place clean and maybe got a roommate or two to help pay the mortgage, then he was free to stay until he graduated. Of course, you were the first person he asked because the above statements spent with you sounded like so much fun.
Too bad you’re cold and heartless and wanted him to die alone.
“Why don’t you want to move in?” his asked, cheeks filled with lo mein. “Didn’t you just say you hated living at your place?”
“I didn’t say I hate it… I just hate that she brings a different guy over every other day.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad. It sounds like normal roommate shit. It’s better than her being a slob, isn’t it?”
“I guess, but when it’s 2:00 am and I can hear EVERYTHING through the walls, I want to jump off the balcony.”
“Not everything.”
“I mean it, Minho. Everything.”
“Damn, invite me over next time.” You chuck a piece of your half-eaten fortune cookie and it hit him right on his bare forehead leaving a tiny scratch mark. “Ow! What was that for!?”
“Stop being weird!”
“If you hate hearing all that gross stuff all of the time, isn’t that all the more reason for you to come live with me?”
“No, because you’ll literally do the same thing!”
“Ok, you have way too much faith in me to think I’m going to bring someone home that often.”
“Hm, I do, don’t I…”
“C’mon, cheap rent, cool aesthetics, good company - what’s actually holding you back? Are you afraid you’ll fall in love with me?”
Minho held a single chopstick between his big bunny teeth and did that weird little smirk and wiggly brow combo that somehow caught the hearts too many girls back in your high school days. To this day, you were one of the lucky few who didn’t fall under his spell. The sriracha sauce stains on his cheek made him look EXTRA sexy.
“Why in the world would living with you mean I’d fall in love with you?” you asked, shoving a napkin to his cheek.
“Don’t girls like that corny domestic lifestyle shit? Coexisting in the same space, mutual seemingly-platonic hugs and cuddles, cooking together, and all that jazz?”
“You’re not even into all that jazzy stuff!”
“I like to cook!”
“And then what, I’m left with the dishes? I’ll be falling head over heels for you in no time.”
“That’s how mutualism works, silly! We each benefit from each other’s skills! Symbiosis, or whatever.”
A giggle left your lips from his expanded vocabulary. Who knew he knew so many words with more than two syllables?
“Those are some complicated words. I take it you like Biology 101?” you asked.
“I do! It’s super cool! Did you know in most species, the male is known to be the more colorful and prettier one and not the females? And the males compete with each other and the females are the ones choosing the prettiest, strongest male?”
“I did not know that.”
“Well, it’s true. It’s called sexual selection - it’s like peacocking.”
“Sounds like some shit you do with all your name brands and stuff.”
“Please, like other guys could even compare to my train of feathers.”
In the end, after days flowed into weeks of begging you to come live with him in what he called his playboy penthouse, he reluctantly accepted your rejection and was off to beg one of his other friends because there was no way in hell could he afford this place alone. Though ideally Minho wanted to be roommates, having you visit often was close enough. It’s just… asking you to move in with him was not about helping him with rent in the least. He truly, genuinely wanted to do dumb domestic chores, bicker all day, and have those deep, late-night talks with you whenever he could. Wouldn’t it be so fun if he annoyed you and followed you around every waking minute of the day?
Doing all of those things to half the extent would be just enough for now. His favorite activities with you were anything involving food. Even grocery shopping, normally one of his least favorite and most stressful chores by himself, was tolerable with you around because you knew just the right cuts of meat and what ingredients were needed for the perfect meal.
“Why did you pick so many vegetables? I’m not a rabbit…” the seemingly twelve year old next to you pouted. Like an angsty teenager, he used the cart as a means of support and followed closely behind with a pout on his lips as you dumped vegetable after vegetable into the cart.
“You kind of look like one, though.”
“Are you callin’ me cute?”
“I’m calling you a nuisance.”
“A cute nuisance, right?”
“Oh, my God, you’re so annoying.”
But soon the semester would start and your day would no longer be spent with him, it’d be spent at the library either studying or tutoring the dumb freshmen. Before you ask, yes, he was jealous of all the other people who took up your time and yes, he’s very clingy. You could see where Soonie, Doongie, and Dori all got their bad habits from. Normally, with any other guy including some long-term boyfriend, you’d be tired and annoyed if they were anything like Minho. But only the real Minho could get away with texting you so often and wondering why you weren’t baking brownies with him at ten at night.
Things weren’t easy on your end, either. You barely had time for yourself and it was only the first round of midterms for the semester! All you ever did these days was wake up, eat, school, eat some more if and ONLY IF you had time, and finally sleep… sometimes. This routine included the weekends, too. You offered for Minho to join you in the library for a study sesh nearly every day, but he’d rather die than sit in germ-infested chairs that are never sanitized, so yeah, you don’t get to see him face-to-face very often anymore. Facetime and Skype would have to do for now.
But then all that lost time started to catch up with you. You’d often come home late, especially if you knew your roommate had someone over to do their thang, and before you could flop on your couch to take a breather, it was completely missing from the living room because your roommate packed up all of her shit and left! Without even telling you! How rude, right!? Until you found a note on the coffee table that said, ‘I moved out today! Sorry if this is such short notice… You haven’t been home the past couple of weeks for me to tell you in person and I didn’t want to break it to you in text…’
Ok, so you wouldn’t say you were totally not at fault for this considering she was considerate enough to want to tell you about moving out in person, but didn’t she think to at least text you like… a couple of days before she did it!? Your lease was supposed to renew tomorrow, but now there wasn’t enough time to find a last-minute roomie on the college forum-version of craigslist and you didn’t make enough money to pay for the rent solo, so now you were almost homeless.
So that’s how you ended up in front of Minho’s place at half-past midnight on the dot with your big stuffed bear in your arms and a cheeky, adoring smile on your guilty-written face. You must have woken him up because his fluffy hair was sticking up in all directions, his eyes were barely open, and… he was shirtless…
“I’m not interested in your Girl Scout Cookies,” he mumbled tiredly.
“I wish I was selling those, then maybe I wouldn’t be here…”
“What do you mean?”
“Guess who wants to be your roommate ~!” you sang cheerfully.
“No.”
“Wha-? Why not!?”
“I already have one.”
“Who!?”
“Changbin,” he said, shooting his thumb to the small lazy boy lounging on the couch. Wasn’t he rich as fuck also? What does he need to live here for?
“‘Sup,” Changbin greeted, unable to look away from the television.
“Don’t you have one more room in this place? I’ll even sleep in a closet if I have to,” you pouted tiredly. You were ready to ring in the water works if you had to because if Minho rejected you one more time, your tears were ready to flow.
“Whoa, you’re that desperate, huh? What happened?”
“Roommate moved out, I couldn’t find another one, cried and contemplated life for a little bit, and now I’m here.”
“Damn, that is pretty bad…”
“Yeah, so as you can see, I really need you right now.”
Minho knew you were never one to rely on people, no matter how close you two were. For as long as he could remember, you always did everything on your own. So for you to say that you needed him, you must have really meant it. Your words were soft and quiet, your gaze set on the porch you stood on, and of all things he hated, seeing you so upset and stressed like this was among his top five on the list. How could he turn you away when this was a time you needed him the most? He knew if he were in your position, you’d welcome him in without hesitation.
You sighed tiredly, pushing your pride aside to ask a friend a favor. “So could you spare another roommate? Just until I can get back on my feet again?”
“Hm…” Minho fake-contemplated, rubbing his scruffy chin. “You know, normally I would never do this, but since you’re my friend, I GUESS I could let you stay here until you’re set.”
“If it’s too much trouble, or if you don’t want me here, I can go -”
“No! You’ll stay here with me for as long as you’d like.” A half-naked but jolly Minho smothered you in a bone-crushing hug. Even though touching so much surface area of his skin made you cringe, his hug made you feel more at home than your apartment could ever make you feel.
“Don’t ever assume I don’t want you here, dumbass. I’ll always welcome you with my open, naked, buff arms.”
“Ugh, this is so gross.” Regardless, you returned his hug with equal force. You never felt safer. “Thank you. I seriously owe you one.”
“Anything for my girl. Where’s all your stuff?”
“Yeah, that sounded more like a tomorrow problem, but I came here tonight because I was lonely.”
“Ha ha, you miss me ~”
“Just a little.”
“Since you’re already here, just stay the night. We can order food and start our big, happy, poly-domestic partnership right now.”
“For the love of God, please do not say that aloud in public…”
“No promises.”
Minho dragged you into the only other bedroom that wasn’t occupied and you’re pretty sure it was just as big as your living room. It was pretty much furnished with all of the basics, so you’re lucky that you won’t have to bring too many heavy things in the morning. As you were admiring the room, a finally fully-clothed Minho chucked his pajamas at you.
“You can wear these for tonight,” he said.
“Ew! Why did you give me your boxers!?”
“I thought my pants would be too long on you?”
“I’m not wearing wearing these.”
“So ungrateful… My sweatpants are in my room in the drawer. Go nuts.”
Minho left you alone to go order food for his two favorite pals while you were left to your own devices in the room where the magic happened, as he called it. For a dude, you knew he was on the cleaner side, but his bedroom was a lot tidier than you expected. There weren’t any clothes on the floor, all of his accessories were placed neatly by the mirror, and the only thing out of place was his blanket that was jumbled up in the corner of his bed. You suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over you for disturbing his beauty sleep, but like you said at the door, you owed him one. Well, maybe more than one… like, a dozen ones…
While looking through the drawers for pants, you rolled your eyes at the site of all the name brands embroidered near the pockets. The logos were strictly swooshes and SUPREME. An opportunity to wear matching sweatpants and hoodie that were worth more than your textbooks didn’t come very often, so you chose the heather gray pair. Just as you slipped your head through the top, Minho came in to check on you.
“I ordered chicken, I hope that’s cool - whoa!” Minho burst into a fit of giggles at the site of his his already-oversized sweats looking extra oversized on you. You’ve worn his hoodies before and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of the way you look in them. You’re just so cute.
“You look like a jumbo toasty marshmallow.”
“I wouldn’t say jumbo… and marshmallows aren’t gray.”
“Same difference. Are you ready yet? Changbin’s gonna drink your beer if you don’t come out sooner.”
“That little -! He’s such a roach!!”
You sprinted out of the bedroom and hopped over the empty side of the couch, scaring the boy dressed in all black who was just trying to eat his chips and watch How to Get Away With Murder in peace. You didn’t know him as well as you knew Minho, but you two hung out within the same circle enough to be comfortable around each other so living with him shouldn’t be TOO terrible. Luckily, your drink looked like it hadn’t been touched.
“So are you like, living here living here?” Changbin asked with fake disgust in his tone.
“Yeah, so get used to it.”
“Just when I thought I’d get Minho all to myself…”
“What are you doing here, anyways? Aren’t you also like, super dumb rich? You could probably buy this whole building.”
“No, my parents are super dumb rich. I, on the other hand, barely have a dime to my name until I graduate law school.”
“Oh yeah, you changed your major right?”
“Yeah, and let’s just say my parents weren’t too happy about that… Thankfully, my favorite hyung here has so graciously let me into his home ~”
“Yeah yeah…” Minho mumbled, squeezing himself in the middle. “Anything’s better than being alone in this place, even if it means housing you two rats.”
“Hey, you said you’d always welcome me here, so that’s your fault for agreeing,” you argued.
“Love you, babe ~” Changbin sang.
Once the chicken arrived, your night of being welcomed to the penthouse had only begun. The rest of the evening was spent talking about literally anything your tipsy and dumb brains could conjure up. From crying about school, to praying to the stars, and telling Changbin stories about yours and Minho’s prepubescent days, you could already predict your days living here would make your heart full.
“I bet you’re single, huh, _____?” Changbin said suddenly after popping open his third beer.
A conversation about each other’s love lives was probably the last thing you wanted to talk about, especially when alcohol was involved, but your mouth started talking before your brain could process.
With a pout on your lips, you retorted, “Why do you say it like that?”
“Because what person would be ok with having their girlfriend living at another dude’s apartment and with me as the other roommate?”
“If you already knew the answer, why bother asking?”
“I just wanted to confirm in case you and I accidentally fall in love.”
“I’ll evict both of you before I let that happen under my roof.” Minho slurred.
“What is with you and Minho and the whole roommates falling in love trope? Is that a common thing? Have you two been watching dramas since you started living together?”
“So what if we have!?” Changbin yelled.
“They’re not realistic, you know.”
“It’s called a drama for a reason.”
“I feel sorry for the next person you end up dating.”
“Yeah, me too.” Changbin took a huge, final chug of his beer before crushing it in his hands. So macho… “All right, I guess it’s time I pass out. See you guys in the morning. Don’t get too crazy while I’m asleep.”
“Nighty night.”
You and Minho were left in the quiet living room snuggled up in your own blankets. You thought the silence was comfortable, as you’ve spent enough time with him that not a word said in between for long periods of time was just fine, but by the look on his face you could tell something was up. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe he was just tired, but his eyes never left the random spot on the coffee table for a solid five minutes.
You threw a potato chip at his cheek.
“Hm?” he hummed, surprisingly unphased. His tired eyes turned to look at you questioningly.
“What’s on your mind, my Prince?” The origin of the beloved nickname was from the time you dared him to try out for the high school play as the leading role and to your excitement and his dismay, he was passed the audition. He’d never admit it to your face, but he kind of enjoyed the spotlight and popularity for a while, and he never lets you forget how much he loved that nickname.
You managed to crack a smile from him and your worries began to fade away. “I was just thinking about something.”
“‘Bout what?”
“What Changbin said - what if you end up really liking someone and they’re not ok with you living with two hot and sexy guys?”
“Well, he can either get over it or I’ll dump him.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Why not? Remember that pact we made our first year of high school? The one where we pinky promised each other that no matter what, we wouldn’t let anyone come in between us?”
“Of course I do, but we were like what, fourteen? That was so long ago!”
“So?”
“So what I mean is…”
The ruggedly handsome boy beside you sighed deeply like he was ready to tell you something important. He laid his heavy hands on your shoulder and pulled you close so that you had all of your attention on him and not the fact that there was only two inches between your faces and that he smelled like alcohol. Was his skin always this clear? What the hell was his skincare routine? The blush on your cheeks continued to glow brighter as his eyes bore deep into your own, like he was searching for an answer to a question that only you held the answer to. He must admit that your shy side made you look so cute. Each second that passed was more intimate than the last and you so wished that he’d tell you what the hell was up with him already because your inadvertent breath-holding from the close proximity was making you light-headed. This felt like one of those scenes in those corny dramas that Minho watches - was he about to… dare you say… kiss you…?
Then you figured Minho learned a thing or two in drama class because his serious persona flew out the window when he shook you roughly by the shoulders, but at least you could breathe freely again.
“You shouldn’t have to choose between me and someone you like ~!” he whined childishly. “If he doesn’t like you living here, and you really like him, I don’t want you to be stuck in the middle!”
“Minho, you idiot, you’re the sole reason I’m not homeless and dying on the street, so what the hell do you want me to do IF that ever happens!? Move out!?”
“Ah, I didn’t think about it that way…”
“Lee Minho,” you emphasized to the pouty boy. “If - if - I meet someone I like, and they don’t like that I’m living with two guys, then fine, I can understand that and feelings like that can easily change over time. But if he can’t understand that you’re my best friend, that I cherish our friendship more than anything, and thinks there’s something else going on, then that’s when I’ll dump him. So there’s no need for you to worry that I have to choose between those two, ok?”
Minho sighed once more, breathing out all his worries about you being alone forever and stuck being a hermit in his apartment. “Ok, I believe you.”
“God, you’re so weird! Since when did my love life matter to you?”
“We’re nearing graduation, _____. We’re not getting any younger! And look, we’re both STILL single as a pringle…”
“When you and I are twenty-five and alone, unemployed and rotting away in this very room, then that’s when we’ll cry about it. But for now, we gotta worry about graduating.”
“I know. I just want you to be happy ~” With crocodile tears in his big, curious eyes, he pulled you in for a bone-crushing hug. It reminded you of all the times you told him not to touch you because he was being too sappy or he was sweaty and proceeded to hug you tighter anyways. Those were the best hugs.
“Shut up, I am happy.”
“Good.”
“What about you, hm? What if a girl you like sees that I live here?”
“Easy - I’ll just say you’re the housekeeper.”
“… You’re going to make one dumb girl very happy one day.”
“You think so?” he asked sincerely. “You really think I could make someone happy one day?”
There weren’t enough words in the dictionary to tell Minho how much happiness and sunlight he brought into your life. From the minor inconveniences to the darkest days, Minho was always your only source of light. You were way too tired to even attempt to be cheesy with him and closed your eyes instead, relaxing into his tight hug and hoping sleep would find you sooner rather than later.
“I know so, Lee Know.”
You stayed in Minho’s arms while the hum of the television and rhythm of his heart lulled you to sleep. Your favorite boy was content with where he was - holding you in his arms and stroking your hair until you were asleep and you didn’t have to worry about school, moving out, and whether this was mutually platonic or anything but. He thinks that there’s no way that ordinary best friends could lay like this and not cause any sort of tension in between. Then again, you two were extraordinary at best, so maybe the standard rules didn’t apply. To an unknowing passerby, this scene might look like two people in love who couldn’t get enough of each other. If Changbin came to see this, he’d probably think the same thing.
In the end, Minho wouldn’t care what anyone thought if they saw. It didn’t matter because this just felt so… right.
He’ll question his tugging heartstrings some other time.
Minho ended up carrying your sleeping form to your room. After tucking you in and resisting the urge to crawl onto the open space beside you, he thinks to himself that he could get used to this.
There was no way you could get used to this.
For such a huge place, only one of the two bathrooms had a shower. Which seemed fine, right? Considering there were only three of you living there. But you totally forgot that you lived with two of the most high-maintenance men you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Minho wasn’t as bad as Changbin because he didn’t spend an hour moisturizing his entire body and fixing his hair - he only took half an hour. But you know that weird thing guys do when they take a dump they take an extra half hour just to play phone games or scroll through social media? So think about it, two boys who are mildly-to-severely high maintenance took a total of almost three hours using the damn bathroom.
That wasn’t even the worst of it! Other than the night you told Minho you were moving in, you guys haven’t had any fast food since. The two of them were watching their weight and muscle progress together so their diet strictly cut out carbs and the good stuff which meant the fridge was filled with veggies and brown grains you couldn’t even pronounce.
And even then, that wasn’t the worst. The absolute worst was when Minho would text you or call you at nine on the dot every single night that you weren’t home at that time. First, he’d call, and half of the time you would answer, but when you didn’t, he’d spam your messages until you replied with a pin drop of your location.
Tonight was the last straw.
“Stop calling,” you scolded while walking home from the library.
“So Changbin and I are in the mood for pizza and we figured you wanted some. You must be tired of all the quinoa,” he explained, ignoring your scolding. “Where are you?”
What’s the best way to spook Minho but not to the point where he’d call the police and demand an amber alert?
“I can’t right now. I’m with a guy.”
There’s a slight pause on the other end and something that sounded like he dropped something on the floor. You can hear Changbin’s faint ‘bro, what the hell!’ in the background and Minho heard you stifle a giggle.
“What? A guy? Who?”
“No one you know. I’ll see you when I get home ~!”
“Wait -”
You hung up before Minho could get another word in and you instantly regretted it. Once Minho found out you were kidding, he was probably going to relieve you of your pizza privileges and force you to eat more quinoa as punishment. You would hate it initially, but if there was even a slight chance that this made your message to him to stop worrying and calling you all the time crystal clear, then you’d eat bowls upon bowls of it and get all the grains stuck between your teeth because that’s how worth it it’d be.
What the hell had gotten into him, anyways? He was never like this in high school. If anything, HE was the boy you’d sneak out with, doing dumb hooligan things with, and being too close for comfort with - he was the boy he was trying to protect you from. Not even your parents were this protective, but you had to give him credit for being so diligent.
You weren’t too far from home, so you left Minho’s texts all on read until you stepped through the door. Changbin wasn’t surprised in the least that you were joking, and Minho knew you couldn’t have possibly be truthful about that, either, but he stepped out the door and scanned the hallways just to make sure you weren’t actually with some creep. You took this moment to sneak a slice or three before Minho could hoard the whole pie.
“I can’t believe you fell for that,” you teased, cheeks filled with cheese.
“I can’t believe you would joke about that.”
“I can,” Changbin muttered.
“What made you guys buy pizza?”
“A man can only eat salads and white chicken for so long. We deserve this.”
“We all deserve this. I wasn’t even on a diet in the first place, I was forced into it.”
“Yeah, but you look great at least, so you’re welcome.”
“Whatever.”
Sure, there were a lot of inconveniences when it came to living with two dudes who annoyingly functioned the same, but you would take on this form of entertainment over television any day. So yeah, Minho was annoying like ninety percent of the time… but he was just being a good friend and worrying about you.
It was nice to be cared for once in a while. Minho was the only one who would go out of his way just for you. Whether it was picking you up in the middle of the night from some party to walk you home or scolding you harshly about how you should wear scarves more so you wouldn’t get sick while making you a hot bowl of soup made with love, he never made you feel like you were an inconvenience. This curfew thing was a little over the top, though.
Changbin went to his room after whining about being a law student and how hard it was that he had to wear a suit everyday to his internship, leaving you and Minho alone at the kitchen table. The kitchen was were you spent most of your time together, whether it was using the table to eat, play dumb board games, or as one big desk to study on. Tons of late-night studying, gossiping, and snacking were spent at this table with Minho sitting across from you every time.
“It’s been about a month since you moved in, right?” he asked, plucking a pepperoni off of your slice. “How do you like it so far?”
There’s a short silence in the air before you answered. It was a little worrying, so he kicked you under the table to make you answer faster. How dare you not immediately answer with anything other than ‘I fucking love it’? “Besides only having five minutes to shower every morning, forced to go vegetarian, and having a 9:00 PM curfew? It’s better than being homeless, that’s for sure.”
“Good.” Another short pause, followed by Minho shyly avoiding eye contact. “It’s a lot of fun having you around.”
“Really? I don’t scare any poor souls you try to bring home?”
“To be honest, I haven’t been trying.”
“Whoa, Minho the slut taking a hiatus!?” you teased, earning you a crumpled napkin to the face.
“Shut up.”
“Why the sudden disinterest?”
His shoulders did a tiny shrug as if letting you know that even he was unsure of why. He hoped you’d help him find the answer. “No one catches my eye these days, I guess.”
“You’re such a liar.”
“It’s true!”
“Yeah, ok…”
“Well, what about you, huh? Has your boy-crazy self found someone interesting?”
You take a big, defeated bite into the leftover crust, allowing you to exploit your anger through vigorous chewing. Your efforts have obviously gone to a waste. “You and Changbin always like to remind me that I’m single.”
“I simply asked if you found anyone hot.”
“You know what’s sad? I haven’t…”
“Ah, I see - Changbin and I made your standards too high now, huh?”
“Both of you are probably stashing the hot guys in the gym somewhere because you know I won’t find them.”
“Damn, you caught us.”
“You know what else is sad, though?” Minho had to suffer and watch you sip your cola with your sad, pouty lips. It wasn’t that he felt bad, or anything, you just looked so… self-pitying. He’s seen this look way too often during your first year of college when some other chick would swoop in a steal the guy you had your eyes on. “Even if I did like someone, I don’t think I would act on it.”
“Why the hell would you cockblock yourself like that?”
“I’ve never been on a legitimate date before!”
“You’re such a damsel. You’ve totally been on a date before.”
“Senior prom with Hyunjin doesn’t count.”
“You guys had dinner and some dancing, doesn’t that count?”
You ignored your idiot friend’s justification and would much rather feel sorry for yourself than to consider prom as a legitimate date. You’re what, nearly into your twenties now and have gone this long without a guy properly asking you out on a date, maybe a movie and eating dinner at a nice restaurant with a small bouquet of flowers next to you, and ending the night with a kiss? The thought of your inadvertent abstinence made you want to chug a bottle of something strong.
“Do we still have that bottle of wine lying around?” you muttered, searching every corner of the kitchen. “Aha! Found it.”
“Mm, pizza and old wine. How are you single again? You’re so classy.”
“Do you want a glass or not?”
“… Hand it over.”
So another night was spent drinking and drowning your sorrows away while Minho watched - what else was new? Before, he didn’t think much of these nights, considering they were spent with Changbin also who drank just as much as you did, but Minho hadn’t even finished his first glass yet when you were already pouring your third. You must have been really going through it.
“Ok, I think that’s enough,” Minho scolded, taking the glass away. Clumsily and lazily, you reached out to take it back, but your state of mind was too loopy for you to fight back further. God, your tolerance had gone down significantly as time passed. Was this indication that you were getting old?
“Is this how you’re going to act on your first date at dinner while having several glasses of wine?” the mean boy across teased. “Good luck with that.”
“That’s ok, I’m never going on a first date, anyways.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because who would want to date me?”
“Hey.”
Your eyes are droopy and you feel like you could pass out from the drowsiness of the wine at any second, but Minho’s hand on top of yours snaps you awake. There were plenty of ways you and Minho shared skinship, like hugging, wrestling, high-fiving, and punching each other, but hand-holding was not one of them. It was… weird. You know when cats sometimes put their tiny paws on top of human hands? This was what it reminded you of and you had to hold in your laughter.
“Don’t say that stuff about yourself, only I can do that.”
“Well, there has to be a reason why I haven’t been on a date yet. It’s because I’m unlovable, right? Besides, I wouldn’t know what to do if I was on a real date. Like what do we talk about? The weather? That’s what adults talk about, right?”
“Yeah, if you work a nine-to-five at an accounting firm. You really are kind of hopeless, aren’t you? That’s ok, you and I can practice.”
“Practice?”
“Yeah, practice on me. Pretend you and I are on a date.” Minho left his seat across from you to steal Changbin’s seat that was to your right. The proximity of your bodies was so close that your knees knocked together, but your tipsy best friend was too distracted by your challenge to care. “A~and boom, we’re on a date.”
“Right now?”
“Right now. Look, we got our glasses of wine on hand, some dinner, we could even watch a movie if you want. But first thing’s first, we gotta test out your communication skills. What kind of things would you ask or talk about on your date?”
“I guess… What do you major in -?”
“Pause, red flag number one: never talk about school. Next question.”
“U-Uh, what kind of music do you like…?”
“Better. Let’s pretend that I’m some snobby older rich dude and I say, ‘oh, today’s music doesn’t interest me. I prefer classical music such as Bach and Beethoven, you know?’”
“I would never go on a date with someone so pompous and old.”
“Ok, but let’s say you’re dating this guy for money.”
“Minho!”
“At the rate this fake date is going, this is what your future dates are going to look like, _____! I’m just helping you prepare!”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this but… you’re so right. I’m gonna end up as a sugar baby and I’ll be too hyped up about the influx in my bank account that I’ll drop out of college and make this my career!”
“Whoa, I didn’t say that -”
“I can’t believe this is what all my hours in the library have amounted to! Screw good grades, if I can’t find love, then what’s the point! This is it - this is how my life is really going to be like -!”
What Minho said goes in one ear and out the other as both of your hands are tangled in the mess of your hair and your blood pressure is suddenly through the roof. You were making a huge deal out of this fake date but you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t make a huge deal out of nothing! If this was how you were on a fake date, Minho doesn’t want to know how you’d be on a real date.
The first thing you hear is his boyish laugh as he removed your hands from your head before you could tear out your hair. You look like you have a bird nest on both sides of your pouty face and even though Minho thought you were being ridiculous, you still looked cute regardless. His tiny but warm hands smoothen your messy strands before holding your face. It’s hard to look him in the eyes after your mini breakdown and he didn’t make it easier by the way his thumbs caressed your cheeks. Was he doing this on purpose because he liked to see you squirm? You didn’t think so when you finally looked up.
Minho didn’t have his signature sly smile where the corners of his lips curled like a cheshire cat. There was no teasing twinkle in his eyes that normally accompanied it, either. Both were softer, like he couldn’t understand why someone as charming, intelligent, and hilarious as you could constantly worry about finding someone who would love you back. How could someone not, when you had the stars in your eyes after spotting a dog across the street, when you could sing an entire concert setlist in the shower, or when you had the cute sad look on your face after you burned your third pancake? Even now, in your tipsy and sad state, your eyes still sparkled and begged to be loved - exactly like all the cute puppies you spotted on your walks with Minho. The thought of someone NOT falling head over heels for you sounded completely ridiculous.
Before his heart could drop to the pit of his stomach, Minho broke the intimacy by squishing your cheeks so hard that your lips puckered like a fish.
“Stop being so sad,” he said sternly.
“Just like that, the sadness is gone,” you sputtered sarcastically, careful not to spit in Minho’s eye.
“I mean it. You’ll find someone who loves you just as much as you love them. No, you’ll find someone who loves you more.”
“How do you know…?”
“Because I’m Lee Know, remember?”
His cocky smirk returned and the corners of his lips curled adoringly. It was a smile you were more accustomed to and you’d never admit it aloud, but you liked this one much better. Soft Minho was kind of gross.
“You’re intelligent, selfless, sometimes funny, and life would be so exciting to be in love with you. I promise you’ll find someone.”
“… Tell me I’m pretty.”
“Wow, I put so much heart into my speech and that’s all you got out of it!? That I didn’t call you pretty!?”
“All of that doesn’t matter if I’m not cute.”
Minho squeezed your cheeks a bit harder. “Nevermind, you’re hopeless.”
“Ow ok, I’m kidding! Can you let go of my face now!? You know I bruise easily!”
He released his hold on your face and you tried to circulate the blood that pooled up. Minho usually wasn’t good with these types of talks, but something must have changed after high school. What kind of classes was he taking that he was being so poetic to the point that your heart felt like it was fluttering? Must be the bit of wine left in your bloodstream.
Even so, you were thankful. What would you do without your handsome Prince?
“I guess I’ll try to sleep the hopelessness away,” you sighed. Before heading off to your room, you wrapped your arms tightly around your best friend’s neck from behind and pressed your rosy cheek to his own. Normally, he’d let out a grossed-out groan, but tonight he returned the gesture with his hands on top of yours. “I love you, you know that, right?”
His chest ached. “Mhm. Love you, too, pretty girl. Sweet dreams.”
“You too, my Prince. Don’t stay up too late.”
The sound of your door closing triggered an empty silence in the entire apartment. Not a single sound is heard other than Minho’s beating heart that felt like it was blasting in his ears. Now he’s alone sitting at the dining table, downing the last of his wine and all he could think about was your lack of presence and how it lingered casually all around him. He could still feel your cheeks in his hands, your arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and the way the warmth of your cheek heated up his own. That wasn’t enough - he wanted more of you, but that was for a later time even he couldn’t predict. After cleaning up the table and trying to leave those moments in the dining room, they ended up following him to his bed until he was too tired to stay awake thinking about them.
That night, you ended up dreaming about Prince Minho and what it was like to be by his side forever.
It didn’t seem so bad.
There’s this crazy phenomenon that happened to you too many times to count, but this time had to take the cake. There were times when you’d have dreams about not necessarily random people, but people you didn’t normally associate yourself with. Like an old coworker, or a past partner for that one single assignment, or even that one time the guy next to you asked you to borrow a pencil for an exam. They would appear in your dreams at random with no purpose other than to play as your boyfriend, but the morning you wake up, you had this sudden weird… attraction towards them.
Maybe attraction wasn’t exactly the right word, but the moment they stepped into the room, you could feel your face heat up and your palms sweat and it really made you question your type in men because why was your body reacting so sensitively to seeing someone who literally just asked you for a pencil? Maybe this was why you’ve been single for so long…
Now let it be reminded that you’re having these weird, little crushes on guys you practically considered strangers. But now, for the first time in your entire life - in all your years knowing that stupid, handsome idiot, you had your very first dream about Minho. If you acted like a fool in front of strangers, how did you act around your best friend? Let’s just say you didn’t know how to act… or rather, you did what you do best - make things like ten times more awkward than they should be.
What did you do when Minho woke up in the morning with his stupidly cute bedhead and flopped on the couch next to you muttering a soft and gentle ‘good morning ~’? You got up and ran to your room after returning the greeting with a squeaky voice. What did you do when he would wrap his arm around your shoulder in that sly, boyish way that literally meant nothing? You’d run to the bathroom, whether you were at home or out in public.
And what did you do when he would walk out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel around his waist? You literally ran. You went to your room, put on your workout gear, and you ran - ran as far as your legs could take you with your ears blasting music to drown out any thoughts about your best FRIEND.
With his heart sinking, Minho didn’t know what to do.
“Hey, have you seen _____ these past few days?” he asked Changbin sometime around dinner. He knew your schedule like the back of his hand and he made sure he gave himself enough time to ask Changbin for his opinion before you came home.
“Yeah…? I see her like everyday. She lives here, too, you know.”
“I know, but she seems a little distant lately, right?”
“Mm, not with me,” the buff boy shrugged casually. His once unquestioning expression quickly turned into something sly when he realized what kind of situation Minho was in. “What did you do?”
“Nothing!”
“That’s not what it looks like to me.”
“The last thing we did together for more than five minutes was eat pizza and drink wine and that was last week.”
“Did anything happen after drinking wine? We all know how you get when you drink…”
“Mm… she was moping about how she’s never going to go on a date, or something, and then I told her she doesn’t have to worry.”
“Why doesn’t she have to worry?”
It was then that Minho figured maybe this was the reason why you were avoiding him. Shyly, the older boy avoided the teasing gaze from his close friend. “N-No reason.”
“Is it because you told her how wonderful she is? Or how funny, and smart, and how all men were idiots for not falling head over heels for her ~?”
“Shut up.”
“I bet you called her pretty, too.”
“Ok, she made me say that!”
“God, no wonder she’s avoiding you! You probably made her fall head over heels for you, or something!”
“… You really think so?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound too hopeful at the idea.
Thankfully, Changbin didn’t seem to catch it. “If I heard that kind of corny stuff coming from you, I’d react the same way, to be honest.”
The sound of the door unlocking made both boys jump and quickly drop the subject, but not without Changbin shooting Minho a ‘we’ll discuss this later’ glance that reminded him of his dad whenever he got in trouble. For the first time that week, you didn’t sprint to your room right away. Rather, with a cheeky grin on your lips, you joined the two boys who eyed you suspiciously at the dining table.
“What?” you asked innocently.
“Nice to finally see you for more than five minutes,” Minho pouted childishly.
“Aw, you miss me ~?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Why are you so smiley, missy?” the smaller, more suspicious boy squinted.
“I can’t be happy on this fine Thursday?”
“No.”
“Fine, you downer. I’m super stoked because guess who has a date tomorrow ~?”
A short silence fell at the table. The first ten seconds of silence was so the two idiots could process what you just said. The following ten seconds was just a series of different ugly facial expressions from thinking about the question too hard.
“Did Seungmin finally ask that one person out? He’s been talking about it for months, he won’t shut up,” Changbin asked.
“No, not him…”
“Woojin? He’s not really the dating type, though.”
“No, idiot, me! I have a date tomorrow!”
“With who?” Minho finally asked. Of course he knew you were the one with the date, but he didn’t want to believe it until you said it. The rest of the conversation didn’t matter after you told him who it was.
“This guy named Wooyoung in one of my classes. We worked on a project together sometime last year and I just found him in lecture the other day. Small campus, huh? We caught up this past week and he asked me out just now after walking me home. Ah, I can’t believe it!”
Your smile was bright and so big that Minho could hardly see your eyes. He couldn’t recall a time when you were this excited for something since you and him both got accepted to this school. He was happy to see you like this, despite the circumstances. With your eyes all sparkly and cheeks blushed pink, the bit of aching was worth it.
“Oh, I know Wooyoung!” Changbin had a goofy smile when he saw how disappointed you looked. “His dad and my dad are close friends and we got close by coincidence.”
“Aw man, you know him!? I wanted to date someone not within this weird circle of friends!”
“He’s not! He’s like a little bubble outside of the circle.”
“Whatever… he’s nice and rich, at least.”
“Now I know where your priorities lie. Minho, what do you think?”
“Hm?” You raised a curious brow at your spacey friend. Minho had been in his own little world after blocking out the details of how you ended up with a date tomorrow night. He put on a fake smile so you wouldn’t have to worry. “I don’t know Wooyoung, but I’m happy for you.”
“I’m kind of scared… what if I blow it like our fake date?”
“Good thing it was fake, right?” The handsome boy across from you ruffled your hair into a bird’s nest style - much like how it was last week. You were a mess, but you were his pretty little mess. “Don’t sweat it. You’ll do just fine.”
“Yeah, Wooyoung may be rich, but his standards aren’t that high - ow! What the hell, dude!” he whined, rubbing his bruising shin.
“You two are so mediocre when it comes to these pep talks… but thank you. I’m so excited that my cheeks hurt because I can’t stop smiling!”
Minho watched you hide your heated face in your hands. He hoped you’d smile like this for a long time, even if he wasn’t the reason behind it.
If the boys were allowed a collective three hours in the bathroom nearly every damn morning, you were allowed three hours to yourself once this evening. You practically put on a spa for yourself in preparation for this. Every centimeter of your body was exfoliated and moisturized, every strand of hair fixed in its place, and every eyelash was coated with mascara. Not to mention that your outfit didn’t have a single wrinkle to be seen.
“Not gonna lie, you look pretty decent,” Changbin admitted while leaning on the doorframe. “Expecting some dessert tonight, if you know what I mean?”
“You think I’ll let it go that far on my very first date? Who do you think I am!”
“A touch-starved damsel.”
“… Shut up.” At 7:00 pm on the dot, you received a text from Wooyoung that he’s here. “Ah, gotta go!”
Like you would on a Monday morning already late for class, you shoved all of your essentials in a bag and scurried for the door, but not before Minho came out of his room and caught you. After putting on your nice shoes, you finally looked up to stare back at your wide-eyed, jaw-dropped friend. The only other time he ever looked at you like that was prom night, and even though you were glammed up times ten that night, his face tonight was more intense. The sudden waves of confusion and erratic heartbeat skips reminded you of why you accepted to go on the date so quickly in the first place: to get rid of these weird feelings for your best friend that you couldn’t understand.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” you whined. “Too much? Or too little?”
Perfect. “No, no. You look fine.”
“Really?”
“I promise. You got everything you need?”
“Uh, wallet, keys, phone…”
“Condom?”
“Minho!!”
“Just kidding! Be sure to practice abstinence because I’m not letting some guy come into our apartment just so you can do THAT.”
“Don’t worry, he has his own place.” He knew you were joking… kind of… you were joking, right…? “I’m kidding.”
“You better be… Don’t forget, curfew’s at 9:00 pm.”
“Ok, I’ll see you at 2:00 am ~!”
You did a final wave goodbye before heading out the door to forget all about Minho while he was stuck being a boring homebody. He heard his other, more irritating roommate tisk annoyingly from across the room.
“Shoulda said something ~” Changbin sang.
“What is there to say?”
“Baby, don’t leave! Why go out with a boy when you can go out with a MAN like me?”
“Oh, my God, I don’t really sound like that, do I?”
“Only sometimes.”
So while you were off on your date, smiling at him like no one else in the world could matter more, Minho would glue his ass to the couch and wait for you to come home.
Your first date was both exactly and the complete opposite of how you expected it to be - quite awkward, but it gradually melted into something you would best describe as comfortable. It didn’t feel very date-like. It felt more like you were eating dinner with a very handsome friend. You could easily see why all of your friends were jealous that you were on this date. Wooyoung was so easy to talk to and just his stare alone, he could get anyone to fall in love with him just like that.
A moment like this, when he’s laughing at your corny joke or fixing a loose strand of hair, was when you truly wished cupid would shoot a thousand arrows into your heart at one time with Wooyoung’s name on the heart-shaped head. That itself would solve about 75 percent of your problems. But it was too late, for your heart already had a hundred thousand arrows lodged in with no way of taking them out, and every single one had Minho’s stupid name on them.
Your date ended earlier than expected which was a little after midnight when his friend San called him in some party-related emergency. Of course you understood, as you’ve experienced being that friend one too many times, and he bid you a farewell with a sweet kiss on the cheek.
“Let’s do this again sometime,” he suggested.
“I’d love that!” Though it probably wasn’t going to happen.
During the walk home, you took the time to reflect on everything that went wrong tonight. Fifteen minutes in, and you couldn’t figure out why your heart didn’t beat for Wooyoung. Passers-by gave you a strange look as you passed because of how your face twisted in confusion, but they went unnoticed because now you actually had to deal with your feelings for Minho straight on.
When did this all start exactly? Like when did the first arrow lodge itself in your right ventricle? Was it in middle school when he stopped those bullies? Was it during your last year in high school when he hugged you so tight, crying tears of joy when the team won the championship basketball game? Maybe it was during your first college party when he held your hair up while you puked into the toilet, but you knew there was no way this all happened because of one silly dream… Maybe your feelings were there all along.
The saying goes when it rains, it pours, right? Tonight, that phrase is both hypothetical and literal.
In a matter of seconds, the skies cried heavily with no thunder or lightning to be heard or seen. On this warm night alone, you were getting soaked to the bone with little-to-no-coverage. You didn’t pack an umbrella and for some reason, even the store awnings couldn’t give you shelter very well, so your only option was to take off your pretty much-ruined nice shoes and sprint home barefoot and that’s exactly what you did.
Minho liked the rain. It was calming, but only added to the lonely ambiance on this fine Friday evening. From inside, he watched the city glow different colors as the light reflected off of the rain droplets and this was when he thought the city looked the most beautiful. He could fall asleep at any moment just to the sound of the rain.
Minho’s apartment is so high up that it’s difficult to see the details in in peoples’ faces and clothes as they walked the streets, but it was easy to spot the little speck running towards his building a couple of blocks away. No one else for blocks on end could be seen other than the tiny speck running. He didn’t have to see your face to know that it was you running home because you didn’t have an umbrella. Not that he’s not happy to see you home, but why were you here so early? And alone, for that matter? Did that Wooyoung guy ditch you?
“Idiot,” Minho mumbled grumpily before grabbing his umbrella and making his way to you.
By the time he reached the lobby, he thought he’d see you inside by now, but that wasn’t the case and he was starting to get a little worried. He didn’t waste time running out the building and immediately he spotted you taking a breather under the big coffee shop awning. You’re completely soaked as if you took a dip in the ocean, strands of hair clinging to your rosy cheeks, and your shoes in your hand…? You’re barefoot, feet all cut up and a little bruised. Without looking at your face, a stranger could say that you were having a bad night, but even Minho knew that wasn’t exactly the case. You didn’t look disappointed or anything near that.
You must have enjoyed the date.
A huge shadow blocked the streetlight from your body and a pair of Minho’s beat up dance shoes are in your eyesight. Tiredly, but happily, you look up to a stern-faced crush who held an umbrella over his head.
“‘Sup,” you greeted casually.
“Let’s go, you’re gonna get sick,” he muttered.
Neither of you said a word until you reached your shared home, and Minho didn’t bother to give you a second glance until then, too. After carelessly tossing his umbrella near the pile of shoes, he found his spot on the couch again.
“You should shower.”
“Right…”
Still, he didn’t give you the time of day, and it hurts. From your cut-up feet to your pounding headache, everything just hurts, and your entire body was ready to crawl under your sheets and call it a night. But you obeyed, taking a long, hot shower to wash away all the wrongs that happened tonight.
When you were done, Minho had a first-aid kit ready in his hands. He didn’t seem as angry as earlier - now he just looked worried.
“Sit,” he commanded nicely.
Of course you obeyed like a misbehaved puppy walking to its cage. Nervously, you sat on the couch while Minho sat on the floor. Before you could ask what he was doing, he had already grabbed one foot to inspect for major cuts.
“You don’t need to do that - ah, hey!” The concerned boy wasn’t listening when he dabbed a cotton swab soaked in disinfectant over a single super small cut on your foot… that was bleeding… a lot. “That stings, bro!”
“Good, that means it’s working. Now sit still.” He put a tiny bandaid over the clean cut and when he thought he was all finished, he held both of your ankles in his hand. “Why is one bigger than the other? Is it swollen?”
“I may have tripped once… or twice…”
An aggravated sigh left Minho’s pink lips before he grabs the bandage to wrap around your swollen ankle. After neatly wrapping around once, the rest of the wrapping was done by yanking the bandage until you felt the blood flow cut off at that point.
“Ow ow!! Chill, Minho, you’re hurting more than helping!”
After realizing what he’d been doing, Minho halted, muttering a soft ‘sorry’ before re-wrapping your ankle with more love and care.
“Why were you alone tonight?” he asked out of the blue.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean why wasn’t your date walking you home like he should? Doesn’t he know it’s common courtesy to do so?”
“Ah, well he had an emergency to attend to.”
“Still… He just left you to run home in the rain, and look what happened. Also, why the hell were your shoes off!?”
“I didn’t want to ruin them…”
The inside of his cheek was starting to numb from all the inherent chewing. At this point, Minho was tired, and you probably were, too. What was the point in arguing?
“Don’t date that guy,” he demanded.
“Why not?”
“You shouldn’t be dating someone who leaves you in the middle of a date. Was it even a real emergency?”
“It was at the end of a date. But no, not a REAL real emergency…”
“Still, he left you, and look how you ended up.” Another sigh left his lips. “I don’t like him, _____.”
“I know.” When Minho finally looked up, he saw that you were smiling at him. You’re not angry or upset by the way he was acting, and he’s really surprised. What was going through your mind? “You don’t have to worry. I don’t think there’s going to be another date.”
Good. “How come?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t have that ‘I can’t wait to see you again’ type of feeling like I thought I would. I guess I wasn’t that into him.”
The shy boy below you cleared his throat hoping you wouldn’t see how relieved he was. “Oh, that’s good.”
“What happened to you wanting me to be happy with some guy?” you teased, lightly kicking his arm.
“I still do. Just not with him.”
“Mm. Maybe the next one will work out better.”
“Yeah… the next one.”
Minho finished wrapping up your ankle and went to stash the first aid kit in his room. You happily followed your confidant slash magical healer and he wasn’t complaining. In fact, he hid his growing smile so you wouldn’t see.
“I had a weird dream last night,” you said after flopping on his king-sized mattress.
“Tell me about it.”
“You were in it as a Prince.”
“Hm, doesn’t sound so weird to me.”
“I was right beside you the whole time.”
“Ooh, tell me more.” Minho hopped on right beside you and the two of you laid side-by-side as you told your fairytale. “Were you my Princess? My sidepiece mistress? The cook’s daughter I fell in love with? Oh, or were we betrothed to unite two kingdoms together?”
“Dude, I don’t know…”
“God is in the details, baby. What else happened?”
“That’s all I could remember. You were a Prince who smiled everyday and I was right there the whole time.”
“I probably smiled all the time ‘cuz you were next to me.”
To play it off as playful, the boy only a couple centimeters beside you nudged you several times. It was hard for him to keep up the facade when you said,
“I was probably next to you the whole time because of your smile.”
Now what was he to do? Subconsciously, Minho turned on his side to face you. With your cheeks and the tip of your nose a baby pink, you refused to look at him. Maybe you were getting sick.
“What, you like my smile, or something?”
“Have I ever told you it makes me feel safe?”
“Safe? Why?”
“It lets me know I have nothing to worry about - that I’m going to be just fine.”
The ceiling must have been very interesting. You have yet to look at him and though he wanted you to, he hopes you don’t, otherwise the magnetic pull between your lips might be too strong for him to resist. He wondered what you tasted like.
“I’m glad I make you feel that way.”
The world felt at peace again when he returned to his position on his back. As if the roof did not exist above, the two of you laid on his bed and pretended to count the stars. Minho’s hand blindly found its way to yours and the tiny bumps and touches of his fingertips made goosebumps travel up your arms. The handsome, confusing boy traced tiny stars in the back of your hand.
“Did you like your dream?” he finally asked.
“You mean did I like being stuck with you for eternity?”
“Yeah.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
His shy giggle filled the empty spaces of his room, and yours soon followed.
“Neither would I.”
An eternity together wouldn’t be so bad.
The spot beside you on Minho’s bed felt empty. You must have knocked out the night before, too tired to crawl back to your cave of a room, and ended up sleeping next to him the whole night. Either last night’s date was exhausting or you didn’t want to leave Minho or his bed because you slept in so late that he had already got up for the day.
Changbin was eating cereal in front of the television when you finally left the room.
“Whoa, what the hell,” he smirked, not knowing that’s where you slept last night. “Did something happen that I don’t know about?”
“No, idiot. We were talking and we fell asleep. Where is he, anyways?”
“Either at the gym or running errands or both.”
“Ah, ok…” If you knew Minho like you thought you did, then maybe he’s at the gym, but running errands? The hell kind of errands did he have? You were the one who ran all the house-related errands.
“You goin’ out tonight?”
“Can’t. Huge paper I have to work on.”
“C'mon, it’s Jeongin’s birthday! And Minho’s going ~”
Your cheeks burned from his teasing. “So? I’ll literally fail if I don’t get a good grade on this assignment.”
“Fine, you bookworm…”
So that’s what you did - you became a homebody for the day and hermitted in your room to work on that cursed paper. It was hard to focus when all you could think about was going out tonight with Minho. If you went, would you stick by his side the whole time? Would he drag you to the dance floor and hold you close? Would the alcohol take over and close the gap between your lips?
Let’s pretend the answer was yes to all of the above.
You didn’t see him for the entire day. Not for lunch, or dinner, or when he finally came home and hopped in the shower, or when he got ready in ten minutes, or even when he and Changbin left for the party. No texts or calls, either.
He was avoiding you at all costs.
Ugh, dammit, _____! Why did you sleep in his bed last night!? Ok, to be completely fair, he was sending you mixed signals that everything was fine, you know? He smiled after you told him how it made you feel safe, those little touches and whispers, literally agreeing to how life beside each other 'til you both grew old and wrinkly would be ideal… Why would you want to leave his side on the bed after all of that?
Boys were confusing, you knew that. Maybe you just misread the signs.
Minho felt like his heart was collapsing. Waking up beside you made this morning the best he’s ever had. You were so sleepy and so cute… All he wanted to do was press little kisses all on your forehead.
But no, he couldn’t do that. You just happened to fall asleep here with no real purpose. It’s not like he was going to wake you up and tell you to move? But did that make him selfish for wanting you to stay when you didn’t intend to? Maybe, so that’s why he had to slip out of the apartment before you woke up.
In the morning, he ran for a couple of hours. Then he went to lift weights. Then he ate and wasted time around town until it was time to get ready for Jeongin’s birthday. Nothing he did made it easier for him to forget about you and the night before. He’ll just use this opportunity of free booze to help him with that.
After successfully slipping in to get ready and out for a night of festivities, he thought that avoiding you for the whole day only made him miss you more.
“You’re not gonna do anything stupid tonight, are you?” Changbin asked.
“No promises.”
Well, no promises was right, because as soon as the two stepped into Chan’s place, Minho weaved his way through the crowd of strangers and went straight for the alcohol table. There, Chan was serving the jungle juice.
“Hey, you made it!” he greeted them, but his grin dropped when he saw the distressed look on Minho’s face. “Yikes, rough night?”
“You have no idea,” Changbin answered for him while he chugged the sweet drink.
He held the solo cup out to his concerned friend. “More.”
“Uh-oh…” Chan didn’t disobey.
For a while, Minho was fine on his own while Changbin was off doing God knows what to some poor soul. He socialized here and there, greeted the totally incoherent birthday boy, and even flirted his way around for the sake of distraction. When something new didn’t seem to work, he’d down another shot, and by the time it was 2:00 am, Minho could barely stand on his own.
“Oh, son of a - are you kidding me!?” Changbin groaned after seeing his poor roommate passed out on Chan’s couch.
“Should I call an Uber…?” Jisung asked.
“Nah, I have a cheaper solution.”
At 2:03 am, while you were munching on some chips and crying to some Miyazaki movie, Changbin’s name lit up your phone.
“Yo.”
“How much do you love your roommates?”
“On a scale of one to ten? Four and a half.”
“Can you cash in that four and a half and pick us up from Chan’s place ~?” the whiny boy begged. “Minho is being insufferable! He keeps drinking everything in site!”
That did not sound good… Minho got very, uh, unbearable when he wasn’t himself. You felt your headache come back and your blood pressure fly through the roof.
“But I don’t have a car.”
“The keys to the Audi are hanging by the door.”
“What the - he has a car!?”
“No, his uncle has a car. Just don’t tell him we’re using it. Hurry, before he gets outta hand - NO, DON’T LET HIM DRINK THAT -!!”
The line cut out and the dial tone rang in your ears for a solid five seconds before you could process what Changbin was asking of you. So you were supposed to grab the keys to an expensive Audi, drive to Chan’s house, pick up your incompetent roommates, and somehow end up back home alive? Well, all right…
The key to the car wasn’t actually a key… It was just a remote. The car was hidden in the corner of the underground garage and if you weren’t being careful, someone could honestly kidnap you at any moment and no trace of the kidnapping would be seen. The Audi was very beautiful, all white and shiny like it was brand new. The interior was pitch black with red stitching, tons of fancy buttons normal cars didn’t really have, and a button for the ignition. You prayed to whatever Lord was listening that it was Automatic because you had zero idea how to handle Manual.
The drive wasn’t that far, but it was far for a walk, so no wonder Changbin called you for assistance. After texting him that his personal, beautiful Uber driver had arrived, you were left with your erratic thoughts about how you were going to handle seeing Minho for the first time since last night. Would it be awkward? Maybe on your end because you were sober enough to remember everything, but maybe his drunken state would ease up the atmosphere.
Your love life sucked. Your crushes never worked out in the end, your first date ended up mediocre, and now you fell for your best friend. You were in denial for the most part, thinking that maybe this was just a coping mechanism for all your failures and that Minho was the only real man to ever care about you, so of course you fell for someone like him. But that wasn’t it, was it? Minho wasn’t made to be your security blanket when all else failed. Maybe all else failed because he was the one all along. Fate always had a weird way of playing with you.
A loud thump in the back seat shook you from your thoughts.
“Sorry, he’s very heavy and I got tired,” Changbin said as he sat in the front seat.
Looking back, you saw a passed out Minho curled up on the seats.
“Jeez, that kind of night, huh?” Did you do that to him…? Was this because of last night…?
“Yeah… you wouldn’t believe the shit he was saying -”
“_____, is that you?” he asked cutely.
“Hey there,” you giggled. “How are you feeling?”
“I miss you ~”
“Huh?”
“Bro, he would not shut up the entire night! _____ this, _____ that, I was honestly so happy that he passed out on the couch because for those ten minutes, I could hear my own thoughts again. Can you two figure out whatever sexual tension you guys are having -”
“Changbin!”
“What!? I’m tired of living with you two!”
“Move out then!”
“No way, I was there first!!”
“Stop yelling,” the poor, drunk boy whined, moving up so his face was in between yours and a pouty Changbin. Minho turned to you all giggly and smiley like a kid in a candy shop and poked your cheek. “I miss you ~”
Of course you did, too. “I miss you, too, dork.”
“I have something I want to tell you.”
“What is it?”
“I’ll tell you when we get home, I’m sleepy.” And he was out like a light once more.
“What the hell…”
“Chan’s jungle juice, man. It’s magical,” Changbin tisked.
It took two small adults to carry one Minho all the way from the parking lot, to the lobby, to the elevator, and then finally to the door. You’d think with all the working out Changbin did that he could handle the unconscious boy all on his own, but Minho was very muscley… A lot more than you remembered. From supporting his back and abs and having his arm around your shoulder, you could feel every crevice of his taut muscles that you should definitely not be thinking about at a time like this. He was fine to support himself by the time the door opened, and Changbin happily let go of him to go to the bathroom, something about ‘needing to piss really bad.’
Before you could fathom that you were left alone with a loosey goosey Minho, he had already grabbed onto your hand and pulled you into his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around you so you couldn’t escape, but it wasn’t like you were going to, anyways. With his cheek resting on your forehead, you felt safe.
“I miss you ~” he repeated in his sing-songy voice.
“What are you doing?” you muffled into his chest.
“Showing and telling you how much I love you.”
“Wait, what -”
“In fact, let me show and tell the whole world!”
How Minho was able to run to the balcony and not trip and fall flat on his face was a mystery to you. The weird boy literally swung open the door and breathed in the fresh air before screaming into the night,
“I LOVE _____!”
Still inside, feet glued to where Minho first told you he sincerely loves you, you were shocked as the man you loved screamed at the top of his lungs to the city below.
“I LOVE YOU ~!” he screamed once more.
“Oh, my God.”
You sighed tiredly, though your growing smile wasn’t fooling anyone. Reluctantly, you made your way to the balcony to bring in the boy you loved before he lost his voice. After screaming a couple more times, he tuckered himself out and leaned over the edge of the railing.
“You’re going to fall!” you lectured, pulling him back up. That was a bit of a mistake on your end though, because now he used you as his means of support and coddled you tightly like you were his own personal teddy bear.
“I love you, _____,” he said perfectly like there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in his system.
“Minho, you’re drunk.”
He held you tighter. “Do you wanna hear a story? It’s called ‘The Day I Fell for You’.”
“Ok. Tell me all about it.”
“You were in art class and it was the pottery unit. You absolutely hated the mug you made, but I loved it. I told you to submit it for the art exhibit anyways. The following week at exhibition night, you won second place for the best pottery piece. When you went up to get your ribbon in front of all our other classmates and their parents, you only looked at me. You had the brightest smile on your face, and when I gave you a thumbs up, you glowed even brighter. I didn’t think that was even possible. Then when the awards were over, you ran up to me and hugged me so tight. Just like this. And my heart was beating so fast! Just like now, too. I never wanted to let you go, you know? And then when you let me keep your mug, it was all over from there.”
Ah, you remember that story perfectly, even if it was so long ago. Minho made you feel like you could fly without wings.
He hummed happily, enjoying the feeling of you in his arms. “It’s my favorite mug. I drink coffee out of it every morning.”
“I know, I’m the one who washes it…”
“_____, what do I do ~?” He broke the hug and the heart-wrenching moment to hold your face and squish your cheeks so hard your lips would pout. “What do I do ~? I love you and I want to kiss you so badly!”
“Eh!?”
“Just one kiss,” he begged, puckering his lips playfully.
“Ah, no, you weirdo!” you giggled, but you weren’t even fighting back.
“Just one, I promise.”
Before you could fake-object, his lips barely touched yours for a split second. They were soft, sent goosebumps all over your skin, and made sparks fly.
He giggled softly before leaning in again. “Ok, one more.”
“You said just one!”
“I got a taste and now I want more. This is your fault.”
“You sound like an addict.”
“Only for you, baby.”
So he kissed you once more. And again. And again. And then again for the tenth time. The eleventh time he made the kiss last a little longer. The fifteenth time was a kiss on your nose. The sixteenth, seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth were for your cheeks twice. The twentieth and the last was on your forehead, making your heart flutter like a little hummingbird.
"You taste like punch and tequila,” you gagged.
“Do you like it ~?”
“No!”
“Do you like me ~?”
“Only sometimes. But I guess I love you all other times. Luckily, you probably won’t remember this in the morning.”
There’s a short silence afterwards, only the sounds of the wind blowing could be heard as Minho continued to hold you. “Loving me means you can’t get mad at me, right?”
“It means I’ll probably get mad at you more frequently. Why, what did you do…?”
“Nothing, I swear! I’m just… not as drunk as you think I am anymore…”
“Ah, so you’ll remember this in the morning…”
“Absolutely. If you rejected my screaming confession though, I would have still pretended to be drunk. Isn’t my plan so smart? I’m a genius, bro.”
“Mm, I wouldn’t say genius,” you teased.
“Whatever, you admitted you love me, that’s all that matters.”
“I only said it 'cuz you said it first. If you didn’t, I would have kept it to myself.”
“But why ~?”
“You left me this morning. I thought telling you my dream was a huge mistake and I scared you away.”
Your loving boy pressed a twenty-first kiss to your forehead. “I was scared, but not because of that. I was scared you would leave everything at that and wouldn’t think of me as anything but a friend.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“I’m an emotional man, ok.”
“I know ~” you sighed happily. The night air was crisp and cool, but Minho kept you warm, as he always did. He was always there whenever you need him. “I love you, you know that?”
Minho took a long and dramatic breath in, pressing his expanding chest to yours and you kind of regret tell him you love him because from the top of his lungs, he screamed,
“I LOVE YOU!!”
“Minho, shut up!!!”
“I LOVE YOU, _____!!”
The rest of the night until the following morning was spent with Minho’s arms wrapped tightly around you. The only time he ever let you go was when you burned the pancakes and needed his help making more.
Minho, the dorky, annoying, loving, sweet, dumbass of a friend was now YOUR dorky, annoying, loving, sweet dumbass.
He wasn’t so bad.
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seven-oomen · 4 years ago
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Hi, Ben!  I hope your day is going well so far!  Are you still getting snow, or has the storm calmed a bit?  We’re supposed to be getting a potentially severe ice storm over the course of today.  There’s already a thin layer this morning, we’ll see how the rest of the day goes.  And temperatures are supposed to stay in about the -4 to -6C range the rest of the week.  I’m very glad that I’m off the next couple of days, and managed to get by the grocery last night after work.
I saw your post about writing and writing styles!  It was helpful because I’ve not really seen the different styles written out and explained before.  I’m still not 100% which I am, but probably either an intuitive plotter or a methodological pantser.  Usually there’s a scene or a line or two that I’m like “this needs to happen in this story” and everything else is fairly free-form.  I did try actually writing down an outline for IYWTD, but even then it’s more a list of beats/tropes and the order I want to include them in.  (And I’ve only just made it past halfway through, although a couple may need to be altered a bit, oh god, how did this get so long…)
It’s also always kinda of amusing to me how many of those writing advice lists are like “Don’t do this”, “Stop doing this”, “Never do that”, and then they’ll encourage you to find your own voice and style.  Like, bitch, you just told me not to ever do half the shit that makes up my style.  Which am I supposed to do?  Damn.  XD  (You will seriously pry adverbs and similar descriptors from my cold, dead, grasping hands.  Also the occasional epithet.  No, I’m not using a character’s name nine times in one paragraph, sorry, and pronouns don’t always help if the characters are the same gender.  The reader can deal. ;D )
And I feel ya on the tall, skinny, blue-eyed boys thing.  It doesn’t have to be just a white boy, but if he’s taller than me, slender, and has a pretty pair of baby blues, my higher brain functions tend to go into insta-lag.  I ain’t particularly proud, but I’ve long accepted this about myself (there are many reasons Luke became my forever BAE.)  That’s not to say a lack of any of those is a deal-breaker in the slightest, but it’s definitely going to immediately get my attention.
Speaking (vaguely) of Luke, I had a thought the other day of him and Din being off on some planet together (Grogu is staying with Aunt Leia and Uncle Han for a few days), and there’s a noise in the middle of the night, and Din refuses to accept Luke’s assurance that there’s nothing out there, and in true himbo fashion insists on going out to investigate having grabbed only the darksaber and his helmet to cover his face -but nothing else.  Luke just finds it a combo of hysterical and adorable (and kinda hot.)
I hope your novel is going well (whatever stage you happen to be at), and I’m always up for hearing whatever you feel like sharing about it.
I hope you’re still doing well with the whole eating and hydrating regularly thing (it’s also totally okay if you aren’t!), and I’m super proud of you for sticking to it as much as you can anyway.  That shit is hard.  (Also, ignore the 1500 calories thing, I swear that shit is designed for 130lb women trying to shed a few pounds, not people who need to safely and steadily lose larger amounts of weight.  But then I’ve also never fully understood making someone lose weight before surgery, either.  “We need you to get rid of some excess weight before we’ll okay this surgery to *checks notes* get rid of some excess weight."  Like, weird flex, but okay.)
Anyway, I’m rambling again, and should really eat some breakfast and try to write a little myself today, maybe.  Hope you’re feeling okay, and that things are going well overall.  I hope Mo is doing well, and enjoying his best cuddle buddy life.  Take care!  *Hugs!*
Okay, gonna try this this way so that I can refer back to the links on my phone if need be.  I couldn’t quite see the full entries for the physical descriptions, and when I tried clicking on them it kept asking for a login, but I think I saw enough to get the gist.  I’m not sure exactly what sort of feedback you’re interested in, if any, so this will mainly be my usual sort of rambling stream-of-consciousness type thoughts and questions.  Hope that’s okay.  Feel free to ignore if it’s not what you’re after right now!  :D
I think one of the first questions that popped to mind was where is/what happened to Ellie’s mom, and is that something that’s going to cause problems later in some way?  (I.e.- was she killed on a hunt, are they divorced, was it bitter or amicable [would she come after her daughter if she heard about his relationship?])  I guess technically similar questions could also apply to Nate (late husband, ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, one night stand, sperm donor?) it was just more noticeable with Ellie being so young still.  Although that could also be part of why he’s ended up in Wyoming, which was another question I had, although there I assume it’s hunt-related.
I also anticipate quite a bit of tension of all kinds when he and Nate first meet, because Faron strikes me from his descriptions as someone rather used to being able to get his own way either through the influence of who he is, or through his size (not necessarily in any kind of intentional or aggressive way, more in an unconscious privilege kind of way, if that makes sense?), and I don’t think Nate sounds like the type to give two shits about either of those things, and it would probably drive Faron up the proverbial wall that Nate isn’t intimidated by him in the slightest.  (I could be entirely wrong about all this, this is just the impression I get so far. :D )  And I think Nate being noticeably older than him would just make it that much more irritating at first, too.  Now, how long these impressions last will just depend on how quickly they get to know each other, and whether Bachelor #3 is helping or hindering things.  XD  The potential for just sitting back and watching the fireworks as “laid-back dad jokes with a quick temper” clashes with “quiet, reserved, and possibly takes themselves slightly too seriously” might prove too much for our last contestant for a while, depending on where his personality falls.  ;D  (Especially since Faron coming in and starting shit will likely come off as a direct threat to people and places Nate considers under his protection.)
Also, are any of these three going to have met before?  Will Nate already have some sort of relationship with the werewolf (Does he already know about the supernatural at all?)  Did he and Faron encounter each other on the trip to Europe you mentioned in the Life Highlights?  If he and the wolf already know each other, how does he get along with Cas, or Nate’s pets?  Is the werewolf also going to be native to the region?  Does he know anything about Faron’s family?  Does Faron already know he’s a werewolf, or is that going to be a bit of a crisis for him later?  A test of how well he’s learned not to judge?  If Nate doesn’t already know, how will he deal with both their secrets?  Do you plan for full-shift only wolves, partial-shift only wolves, or a mix of the two like TW?  Are there other supes in the area?
I think you mentioned maybe having him be of Native American descent?  I think that could be very interesting, but would require a LOT of research into which tribes are active in the Yellowstone area, and what their individual mythologies say about things like shapeshifters, and LGTBQ+ issues, etc., because there can be a fair amount of variance, I’m sure.  Also, I’m just overall curious how he’ll fit in with the other two size wise (get your mind out of the gutter, you know what I mean.  XD )  Also curious if any o them are going to have the slightest clue on the feelings front, or are they all going to be just absolute disasters?  Will the kids figure it out before they do?  Will the kids get along?  (Will BachelorWolf have any kids of his own, or just Nate and Faron?)  Will Nate’s coworkers have any clue about either the supernatural, or what’s going on with those three?  Because I suspect at least some of them will be way more obvious than they think they’re being.  XD
Uh… I think that was all that’s occured to me right now?…  I’m sorry you’re having a yucky day overall, and I hope tomorrow’s a bit better!  The ice storm has finally moved in here, and I can feel the temperature drop radiating off of the front door and windows.  It went from rain to freezing rain/hail and I’m not sure how long it’s supposed to last.  Hopefully only a little while.  Also, sorry your book was terrible.  I haven’t seen too many recent recommendations from friends, and I’ve been mostly reading “cozy” mysteries (Agatha Christie, Elizabeth Peters, etc) as my comfort reading myself, lately, so I can’t really suggest anything in particular, unfortunately.  At least, nothing I think you wouldn’t already know.  Anyway, hope you’re getting some decent rest, and hope you have a better day tomorrow!  Take care!  *Hugs!*
Alright since this is going to be like a very long one, I’m break it down into a few things.
First full physical descriptions, cause I didn’t know Milanote would be a bitch about it.
Nate:
164 cm (5'4), 75 kg (166 lbs), Short slightly overweight trans man in his middle age. Nearly always the shortest man in the room, only standing around 5'4 and weighing in around 166 lbs. With kind moss green eyes that have permanent crow's feet in their corners and a polite but reserved smile always on his face. 
A face that's framed by faint freckles that are only visible in the sunlight. A neatly trimmed beard spices up his features and frames his pink lips. His thick but short eyebrows frame his eyes and create a short arc to his slim nose. 
A high forehead separates his brows from his wavy dark blond hair that's always tucked behind his ears. 
He generally wears the Superintendents' Park Ranger uniform while on duty. When he's not he wears comfortable jeans and t-shirts, usually a mono color like green, white, or black, plaid flannel shirts, socks with the weirdest patterns and colors, and hiking boots. He wears a steel ring on his right index finger and has a little steel Mjolnir on a necklace around his neck.
He's missing two fingers (his ring and little finger) on his left hand due to a childhood accident.
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Faron:
185 cm (6'1 ft), 93 kg (205 lbs), Faron is a tall man with plenty of muscle from his time hunting. He can seem daunting and intimidating when you first meet him but there is a kinder, softer side to him. He has a warm light brown skin color, blue eyes, and black natural tight curly hair that he keeps very short. His full dark beard decorates his cheeks and chin, connects to his upper lip, and all the way up to his sideburns.
  He tends to wear dark clothing, leather jackets, no jewelry that could identify him, jeans, henley shirts, or V-neck shirts, and black, brown, or red jackets. He usually wears black combat boots or dark brown hiking boots. He's got knives and other weapons hidden all over his body and pockets and it might take him a good few minutes to unload every single knife from his body when he was to disarm.
There are also scars all over his body, including some scars on his neck that are visible from day to day life. He had the bad luck of being struck down by a vicious Wendigo but managed to escape. He survived thanks to his sister's quick thinking and first aid.
He covers some of those scars up with tattoos; he has one tattoo of a dragon laying down on his shoulder, with its head on his chest and its body curling over his shoulder and ending just below his shoulder blades. And one tattoo covers up some scars on his lower arm, it's a tattoo of a wolf's head that covers up a bite mark.
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Dichali:
He’s 37 and has 4 siblings, and two children, Kajika & Kaniya (Jika & Niya, identical twins, but one of them identifies as male, he’s trans. Kajika is his chosen/reassigned name. They are 10.) Dichali grew up in Riverton, WY, which is the largest town of 10,000 in the largest Native Reservation in Wyoming. He’s also a dear friend to our Nate (who is also his boss technically) and has slowly been falling in love with him for the last few years. (Although he still hasn’t realized that he loves his friend.) 
Yena, his coworker and friend, who’s much younger at 25 has been watching her coworker and her boss joke and dance around each other. She has a betting pool with her girlfriend on who snaps first.
Not sure how I’ll connect him to Faron if it’s more fun/better to have him find out later or to already know him and keep it quiet. 
I’m still working on him, so I don’t have much of personality and other things written down yet. But I have made his physical description:
At 178 cm (5'8) and 83 kilos (182 lbs) Dichali probably isn't the tallest man you've met, he's also not the shortest. And while he's got some good muscle on him from working as a Park Ranger, and being a werewolf, he also has some softer sides. All the better to cuddle with. He has long straight brown hair that falls to his mid-back and deep brown eyes and a long nose that ends prominently. His eyebrows are thin and he has a high forehead. His skin is a light Tawny color, there's a hint of an orange brown with a cool undertone.
His skin is also relatively clear and youthful looking because of his lycanthropy.
He tends to wear pants and jackets made by native designers and always incorporates native fashion into his outfits. He has jackets of mostly gray, blue, brown, and black colors made of denim, cotton, wool, or brass that are lined with more traditional cloths and patterns like the designer brand Ginew. Usually he pairs them with dark jeans, either black, gray, or dark blue. He pairs it with white, blue, red, black, or printed band t-shirts (Metallica, Green Day, Marianas Trench). 
For shoes he has brown hiking boots that are part of the Ranger uniform, more western styled boots like black cowboy boots, and a pair of sneakers.He also wears a copper bracelet with lighting bolts etched into it.
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Now this whole story got started because I had the question what if we had a DILF romance going on while/because the following happened?
What if a YouTube video that accidentally got uploaded shows the existence of a werewolf in Yellowstone park? Threatening to expose the entire supernatural world.
The werewolves right now are a mix, so half shift is like the classical half shift of a wolf head on a man’s body, but the full shift is more like a larger wolf. Almost the size of a black bear. Though I might change those ideas as the story progresses.
But that is how the Cryptid of Yellowstone is brought into the world. And that brings problems. Big problems.
Wendigos, vampires, djins, I plan to create a world where a lot of supernatural creates exist. From all sorts of cultures. I’m also toying with the idea of Kelpies and Griffins. That kind of stuff.
The supernatural world is hidden from ours, hidden in plain sight if you will. Most encounters are written off as really strange, sometimes a picture pops up, but with the coming of the internet, things have gotten more complicated. Also with deforestation and competition with regular wildlife has made some bigger supernatural creatures either extinct or thought to be extinct. They’re not sure what still lives in Australia, though.
Nate or his son don’t know about the supernatural world. Neither does Yena. Or much of the world. Dichali, his children (to some extent), Faron, and Faron’s family do know about this world.
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Alright, as for your other post XD
Right now it’s no longer storming but due to the freezing temperatures the snow’s not going away and all public transport and delivery services are still not driving/delivering/running. So that’s neat. Not. 
I swear we get some snow and the country is just down. Upside, ain’t nobody going outside and this helps with lockdown.
I hope your snowstorm won’t be too bad and everything thaws down soon. Snow’s fun for a day but after that...
Make sure you stay warm alright? And bundle up.
Yes dad... alright XD
Honestly, I’m glad to hear you liked my advice too. I’m getting quite a bit of positive feedback on it and that just makes me really happy ^^. I’m definitely writing more writing advice from everything I’ve learned so far.
There’s honestly so many contradicting ones out there, it’s a matter of picking and choosing which ones work best for you and applying those. And that’s the real trick of advice.
Fun fact, a lot of famous writers are also pantsers. Steven King, Neil Gaiman, George RR Martin are examples of famous pantsers or gardeners as they are also called. 
John Grisham, JK Rowling, RL Stein fall into the plotter or architect category. 
Writers like Hank Green seem to fall in the in-between category of plantser (somewhere between a plotter and a pantser. Or the Intuitive plotter.)
Okay but the DinLuke things is really really kinda hot and cute and adorable and has me smiling <3
And I can’t remember what else I wanted to say since it is like 2 am and my meds are seriously kicking in now.
But I hope you’re doing alright and that the snowstorm isn’t too bad where you’re at.
I’ll be alright, my diet hasn’t been going so well the last few days and I can’t really exercise, but I did mostly get healthy groceries that will be delivered friday so there’s that. 
Fingers crossed I can pick it back up.
Okay I’m heading to bed XD 
I’ll talk to you later, B <3 
Hugs from me and Mo <3
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intheseautumnhands · 4 years ago
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Um! Kliego, and.... your favourite other TUA ship (lawd, I'm suddenly hoping that you ship kliego lmaooo, sorry if you don't :'))
Hah, it’s fine! I’m into pretty much every single Hargreeves ship to some extent. Klaus/Diego* is not super high on my list to be honest, but I’m definitely still into it overall! I think it’s just fandom saturation more than anything that puts it lower down, because I do think the dynamic could be of interest.
* (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I cannot use smushnames. I don’t begrudge anyone else use of them, they don’t bug me *that* much, but typing them feels so awkward.)
Choosing a favorite is honestly harder because I just want to ship all of them but I will... I dunno. Maybe RNG stuff I’ve written lately to pick. XD
Gonna cut since I’m already rambling before I even put in the questions, whoops.
(Also, two-days-later A: Hi I fell asleep in the middle of this and then barely touched my computer yesterday. Sorry!) 
 Klaus/Diego:
when of if I started shipping it: I walked out of my first viewing singing the song of my people at every single combination possible (Not even walked out, I watched over several days, it only took the first. not even half a season.) (The song of my people is, of course, I Ship It by Not Literally.)
my thoughts: Again, it’s not my #1 ship for the show, but I definitely could see it. I like that, of all the possible combos that could have hung out during the time between leaving home and the show, they seem to have the least amount of active vitriol and bitterness. It opens up interesting windows for that time period, as well as means it’s among the ships that need the least foundation work to get to somewhere decent afterwards. It makes it an interesting counterpart to some of the more actively difficult combinations, which I like especially in a poly context (because I am me and everything happens in a poly context).
What makes me happy about them: Again, the possibilities during the time gaps! And the general sense of... friendliness? It does feel like they’d have a lot less to get over than a lot of the pairs and I like it. (granted I think Klaus in general, while he has plenty of issues, seems to have less of them with his siblings specifically than most, so that’s playing into it, but I also see Diego as probably the one with the most after Vanya, so that’s interesting in and of itself.)
What makes me sad about them: I’m just sad for all these children growing up in their shitty, shitty childhood. And by sad I mean I want to read a lot of things that make me want to cry. Either as children but also I’m down for adults unwillingly letting the conversation drag around to their trauma too.
things done in fanfic that annoys me: Klaus is snarkier, more clever, and a lot stronger, mentally and physically, than I feel like a lot of fic gives him credit for. I think that goes for a lot of fic in this fandom, but since it’s one of the biggest ships and he’s in it, I feel like it shows up a lot for K/D. I’m not a big fan of them being really close as kids, either, which comes up a lot; my headcanon for Diego being pretty distant from all his siblings is strong enough that it takes a lot of set-up for me to accept anything else. (Awkwardly getting close in late teens as both of their ‘get me the fuck out of here’ drives get stronger and stronger is easier for me to see than close-as-kids.)
things I look for in fanfic: Tropes! The writers for this ship give me all the tropes. I want to marinate in it. I’m also kind of into general ‘it was casual, then whoops, I caught feelings, now what??????’ for them, because I could see it. Other than that, like... look, if it looks like it’s interestingly written or has an interesting concept, I will read it. I’m not super picky in this fandom, if it’s Hargreeves-centric and doesn’t bitch at shippers in the tags I’m in to at least give it a try.
My kinks: Uhhhh. Hmmm. I haven’t actually read a lot of kink fic for this ship or considered it, but I feel like I want mutual sadism/masochism.
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Honestly my hope is for most of the characters to end up without another major romantic plot. I’m here for canon Allison/Luther but hoping the rest of them just... don’t. Especially since I don’t see them going for two sibling ships and that’s really all I’d want to see. If not that, both of them with new characters would be my preference, because there’s no one actually in the show I’d be down for. Maybe if they somehow warp the timelines around enough to bring Patch back, but even then, eh, just let me have family stuff.
My happily ever after for them: In general as characters, my ideal endgame for both characters is in healthier places than their start point, still clearly working out their shit, and on good terms as a family. As a ship: I feel like both of them would get bored eventually by any kind of ‘and then they went and got a happy domestic place to live and nothing exciting ever happened again’, even if it might be nice for a little while, so... active, somehow. Either they end up somehow finding some kind of active hobby to screw around with together, and enjoy flirting with each other while they do it, or like, I don’t know, get bored one day and accidentally buy a business just to have something to do and find they get weirdly invested in running it. (Maybe, like, a restuarant or something else that’s really high-stress. Or maybe the gym Diego boxes at goes for sale and he doesn’t like the look of the most likely potential buyer and buys it himself before he realizes he has no idea how to run something and has to slink back home and let Klaus laugh at him. Shit, I want that fic now.)
who is the big spoon/little spoon: This assumes either one of them are capable of sleeping totally still which honestly I don’t see. They both seem like the kind of people who flip around in their sleep and wake up five times a night. So, they both take it in turns and also sometimes just end up in weird sprawled positions, either on top of each other or really far from each other.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Honestly, I feel like joking around and talking together would probably be it. I could see road trips, too.
Uhhhh I RNG’d things I’ve written lately and I got Ben/Allison. Nobody else writes that but it’s the tiny ship of my heart so I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m sorry, my random teeny ships are what you sign up for when I get to choose. >>
when of if I started shipping it: On like my third rewatch Allison’s little “I miss him” while she’s watching the cameras burned itself into my brain and I have wanted more for the two of them ever since.
my thoughts: I just! Look it’s pretty much canon that everyone loved Ben, but something about his snarky-but-because-I-want-you-to-do-better-and-I’ve-given-up commentary with Klaus and Allison’s alternating defensive and concerned mode -- I just want them to team up together to despair everyone else’s problems and try to figure out how to help (and often failing; I feel like in a general sense, they’re both better at pointing out the problems than actually fixing them on their own). And I feel like they both get prickly in ways the other would understand and be able to deal with easier than most of the family.
What makes me happy about them: I feel like this just blends into the thoughts above. I love the potential for how they might interact, and the potential for them to call out each other’s shit (and probably everyone else’s).
What makes me sad about them: Everything about Ben in canon is sad! Even the happy things are sad!
things done in fanfic that annoys me: There are exactly two fics for this pairing and one is me and one is PWP smut, which just isn’t super my thing. So uh. there needs to be fic to annoy me. Please write fic specifically to annoy me, oh no, don’t throw me into that briar patch. (That said, in general, I feel like both of them get their sharper points filed down a lot in fic. They both have their pointed sarcasm and their moments of outright lashing out, and I want to see more fic deal with that.)
things I look for in fanfic: Again, I say, please let fic exist. Also, I badly want a proper AU of Ben surviving and running off to Hollywood with Allison. I did not do it justice in my tiny thing.
My kinks: I want switchy powerplay with an emphasis on play -- competitiveness and teasing and wrestling. Also younger or AU Allison who hasn’t yet tried not to use her rumors for everything not trusting anyone but Ben enough to gag her, because her voice is her best weapon. 
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Please please give me an Allison/Luther endgame. Ben I have no feelings on -- I still stand by not wanting any other romantic subplots, really -- but I am rooting for Allison/Luther in canon no matter how many others I ship them with.
My happily ever after for them: Possible in canon, as characters: Allison figures out how to balance ‘not using her rumors at all’ and ‘rumoring everything always’; Ben gets brought back to life and gets to be happy. As a ship: Honestly, connected to the family and both doing their own, fulfilling, non-superheroy things. Allison can act and Ben can get a chance to figure out what he wants to do, because I feel like even if he’d survived that would’ve been hard for him.
who is the big spoon/little spoon: Especially if we’re going with some semblance of canon and Ben’s died and come back, he’s the little spoon, because being wrapped up in someone else is comforting. But also just any kind of cuddling is welcome.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Judging everyone. No, I kid. Sharing and discussing books and movies, maybe. Ben passes along books he liked* and they watch movies together and Allison dissects acting choices and they both debate themes and ending of more ambiguous stories. They are loud movie watchers if they stay home to watch things, and go have loud debates over coffee after if they go out. *(I actually have a whole tangent in a fic that got cut out that I want to reuse for this fact, specifically about Ben having a slightly masochistic Lovecraftian phase in his early teens and passing it on to Allison, and Allison in her 20s thinking that if it fits either of them, it’s her, because she gets in people’s brains and rewires them and they forget what she’s done to them, and if either of them could make people go mad, it’s her.)
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eirenare · 4 years ago
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Life update + my Reylo/SW content to arrive: fics, art, theorizing mode, books info and reactions
Hi there guys!
Logging in to say that nothing’s happened to me I’ve just been absent here, and I’m sorry for that (and for the many times I’ve had to say this... ugh)!
In the meantime I’ve been writing and drawing “a bit” of Reylo lately (*coughs* 1-2 months worth of microfics written on Twitter where I’ve been way more active both for fandoms and IRL stuff, 3 oneshot fics uploaded to Ao3 and 1 to be uploaded next week—will drop the links this week!—, lots of sketches and WIPs), so soon I should have a decent amount of content to upload.
First things first, I haven’t done yet my reaction to the TROS junior novelization (nor have I read it, although as I said, some things I know of already) since I’ve been barely reading lately for some reasons I’ve been dealing with (even though I’ve been buying some books *sigh*), but hopefully this coming week I can get Prologue + Chapter 1 done *muffled pterodactyl screeching sounds* Again, sorry!
And now, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk about, and that is the state of my TROS fic, “Rey of Jakku”... (Spoiler: it’s still on, I’m not abandoning it even if it’s been on hiatus.)
“Rey of Jakku” started as a speculative work, a “what if TROS would be like this or that based on things we know and have seen” coupled with things I wanted to see, and while I’d planned at first of posting chapter/part 2 before TROS hit the theaters, I delayed it thinking on posting it on January—but I wasn’t counting on the much worse headspace TROS would get me in, which coupled with the way my ability to concentrate has gone down the drain, it wasn’t a good combo. It certainly didn’t help to go back to reading what I had of “Rey of Jakku” part/chapter 2 post-TROS to see at some point I’d described Ben’s smile when he was little and feeling so hurt remembering his smile in TROS right before he died, either, nor reading in my fic Ben saving Rey from [SPOILER: ... ... ... drowning].
Basically, while I’ve been honing a bit some parts of “Rey of Jakku” these last months and tweaking a little thing here and there (and the line-up of chapters + summary phrases that you can find here remains the same), I barely managed to advance it. But I want to get back to writing it, even if the thought of not doing it as right as I want to makes me feel anxious and the super Imposter Syndrome of Doom, so... yeah, I’ll try to have an update for September (August is “a bit” packed with some stuff I want to do and IRL things, but maybe I’ll try) and write it more on the regular. The ideal thing would be a chapter/part every 2-3 weeks, because they’re starting to get quite big (... did someone say “around 12k words update”?), almost like 4-5 chapters squished together in an update, but we’ll see, it’ll depend on my headspace and my concentration. After TROS I just miss even more writing this and I really just want to write how I thought TROS would’ve been and stuff I would’ve liked to see...
Now, back to other SW-related content...
I can’t remember if I already said this but I’m compiling all the info we know about “SW: The High Republic” and been theorizing a lot for months, and well... it can get so very wild. If I can organize myself better with all this I’ll share here, but for now all I’m gonna say is that I’m super excited about SW: THR.
As I’ve said before I’ve also been gathering even more Star Wars books and there are a pair nice or curious things, specially translation-wise, that I’d like to talk about. My latest buys, “Resistance Reborn” and the TROS “golden book” (that is, the illustrated English version for little children) should arrive at the start of september. Which also means I really, really should get around to “building” that little library in my room that I’ve been planning to have and just... kept postponing and postponing like a ton of things these months.
So far, I think this is all for now? Unless I forget something.
Anyways, I hope you’re all doing good and I thank you if you’ve taken your time to read this post (or any other of my posts, for that matter)!
Keep yourselves safe guys, and have a nice day/night! ♥
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borntobelime · 6 years ago
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Adashi /Shidge Doctor Who AU
Based on @fate221  (sorry that i have to reporst it ^^’) 
This is a raw Plot for the au (since i am no author i only share plots) 
 (Take note that i haven’t never seen Dr Who but i guess i figured out the basics ) Shiro (pre Kerberos look ) starts his adventure with Dr Who (during that time Adam)
Shiro is still suffering from this illness.
The Doctor  finds out about it during their travels so they decide they should look for a cure or at least make sure Shiro sees as many things as possible with what  time he has left , They start to grow close
They end up landing on the Galra World
They get separated during their escape the Doctor  goes into the Tardis but Shiro doesn't make it in time and he gets captured in the last second the  Tardis gets damaged so the Doctor is  stuck somewhere while Shiro is imprisoned by the galra becoming the Champion losing his arm and the Galra start doing experiments on him to make him a super soldier. The Galra give Shiro his mechanic arm that he has some trouble controlling the activation  manage to cure Shiro’s disease  and thanks to their experimental serums for super soldier formulas Shiro gains super strength ( if i had to measure it i’ll say around a Luke Cage level )
Doctor manages to fix the Tardis and  finds a way to turn back  to save Shiro unfortunately time passed differently  and for Shiro it was a  a full year during their  escape  once again almost reaching Tardis  there is an ambush  Doctor  pushes Shiro into the Tardis  and he gets blasted instead of Shiro the Tardis starts so Shiro sees a glowing figure who supposed to be the Doctor and so Adam becomes Pidge
That is how Shiro discovers the sad fate of doctor who of when they die they are reborn over and over again with the same memories but never the same person .........so again traveling with Pidge throughout the universes with shiro newfound abilities they always able to get out of dangerous situations (totally Brains&Muscle Kickass Combo )  . Occasionally running away from the Garla who found a way to travel in universes by copying the Tardis tech .. Once again they start growing closer together Shiro starts to be afraid of losing her like he did with the previous doctor because he doesn’t know how long they have before the new resurrection starts that makes him wonder was that fear similar to what the previous doctor felt when they had no luck finding a cure for his disease ?  His memories  with the galra still haunt him , he   is also  afraid of his abilities he is afraid if he will hurt anyone innocent he is terrified if he ends up hurting the Doctor . The Doctor assures him this will never happen she has faith in  him ,
The galra find them again
(maybe Shiro even fights Kuron they both fall into a quintessence pool  so he comes out merged with his clone  or captured to save the doctor and they complete their experiments on him   (so imagine him more buff and with white hair and his super strength even greater (think the first stage now doubles )
So there is a moment like Save yourself i will be resurrected again and he is Like NO NEVER AGAIN I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN  I COULDN'T SAVE HIM I CAN'T LET YOU GO AS WELL BOTH OF YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME I CAN’T LOSE YOU TOO ..(He feels so guilty having all that power and not be able to save the one most important )  Pidge is  about to cry ..Shiro...she kisses him smiles and says forgive me.......she with  pushes him out of the Tardis  (that the portal  is his home world) and shiro screams NOOOOO and there is a flash of light  Pidge used the Tardis 's power  to close a galra portal that tried to mimic her  Tardis abilities  but it was unstable and created a hole that would destroyed all universes ………..so she plays her last card stubbing her screwdriver in her control panel   and explodes .on the outside shiro  trying to look what is happening things flying out of the tardis
and sees that the Tardis  is getting crushed like a can in a mini black hole and then ..there is nothing he bursts into tears
Shiro believes  the Doctor is  gone it feels like he woke up for a dream but his appearance his pain are  proof that it was all real
5 years later Shiro became an author and published his adventure but instead of The Doctor  he named the characters Adam and Pidge...
he believed even passing it as a fantasy story the world should know about  the Doctors's sacrifices then during a signing autographs  in a book presentation a young man looking a bit familiar comes over . Name please ….My name is Matt but the autograph is not for me ..Oh  Ok who should i sign this for ….Matt says for my sister Katie its her birthday  today (today was actually dr who death anniversary)  (matt is like with the long hair  like in the 7th season)To Katie i wish you  Happy Birthday  ...Takashi 'Shiro' Shirogane…. She is a big  fan of your work  she has all your books hopes you make  merchandise based on the series   she got caught up with a project so she was worried she will not make it in time today ...Sounds like a really nice person I  hope i'll meet her someday ...The next few days seemed like the usual routine but he  then he stumbles on someone without paying attention on the subway  and says I  am so sorry no I am sorry he gets out of the train turns and sees Doctor ?! the doors closed and the train leaves before he reaches out ..he must be seeing thing he really missed her  after all
Then the next day he turns and a small figure in hurry hits on his chest falls over and papers fall around the place and his clothes now stained with coffee (again awkwardly  sorries bends over to help the girl with the papers looks at the figure and .....Doctor ..? and she says oh my god you are …….Shiro smiles ….You are Takashi Shirogane the writer i can't believe it .....shiro’s heart sank ... believing that he is wrong again this girl with long hair can't be the Doctor  he saw her disappear from the world but she looks so much like her like about the right age but longer hair……
They start talking and says let me make it up to you let me treat you some coffee  i'll let you have a look at some raw drafts for my new book .....at his place she gets all fangirling nerd out  and then she encounters something that stares in shock on a glass case there is a broken screwdriver . she opens the case and touches the item ....and she faints and he screams KATIE ..She wakes up it all comes back to me ......the reason why I read your stories was that they reminded me of something ...5 years ago…... I had a car accident  with my brother he escaped with light wounds but I fell into a coma and there were sighs i wasn't going to wake up I was getting worse and worse  by day turns out i was out for  11 months of this (11 months was his time with the Last Doctor  aka Pidge) Then i woke up with this huge blank of memory doctors said it was normal but all i could remember there was light and someone yelling or more like crying  i was dying like all over again  and then i felt myself  been separated from my body no like someone separated me from my body and then there was nothing i can't remember much but then i woke up
 One day i started reading your books every time i read and finished and starting a new i felt like pieces of puzzle and yet the picture  was still a blurry  she kept having flashes of  my  body glowing all over her and then getting separated  like a getting divided into 2 glowing forms one was her she looked back and saw a dark skinned  man with glasses smiling and pushing her towards an exit
then she woke up in a hospital bed……..
(so imagine in that glowing place when Adam is pushing her and he smiles he turns the other way heading to some other blur figures aka the other  doctor  incarnations )
She was now free as   they will continue to wondering in infinity  but she is free she even got a new life and memories with a family and everything and now she once again reunites with Shiro …..
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adreamneverends · 6 years ago
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Shidge Doctor Who (inspired by @fate221 )
Thank you @fate221 for allowing me to share this idea 
(Take note that i haven’t  seen the Dr Who series and i can’t write fanfiction only headcanons and raw plots  but i guess i figured out the basics ) 
Shiro (pre Kerberos look ) starts his adventure with Dr Who (during that time Adam)
Shiro is still suffering from this illness.
The Doctor  finds out about it during their travels so they decide they should look for a cure or at least make sure Shiro sees as many things as possible with what  time he has left , They start to grow close
They end up landing on the Galra World
They get separated during their escape the Doctor  goes into the Tardis but Shiro doesn't make it in time and he gets captured in the last second the  Tardis gets damaged so the Doctor is  stuck somewhere while Shiro is imprisoned by the galra becoming the Champion losing his arm and the Galra start doing experiments on him to make him a super soldier. The Galra give Shiro his mechanic arm that he has some trouble controlling the activation  manage to cure Shiro’s disease  and thanks to their experimental  syrms for super soldier formulas Shiro gains super strength ( if i had to measure it i’ll say around a Luke Cage level )
Doctor manages to fix the Tardis and  finds a way to turn back  to save Shiro unfortunately time passed differently  and for Shiro it was a  a full year during their  escape  once again almost reaching Tardis  there is an ambush  Doctor  pushes shiro into the Tardis  and he gets blasted instead of Shiro the Tardis starts so Shiro sees a glowing figure who supposed to be the Doctor and so Adam becomes Pidge
That is how Shiro discovers the sad fate of doctor who of when they die they are reborn over and over again with the same memories but never the same person .........so again traveling with Pidge throughout the universes with shiro newfound abilities they always able to get out of dangerous situations (totally Brains&Muscle Kickass Combo )  . Occasionally running away from the Garla who found a way to travel in universes by copying the Tardis tech .. Once again they start growing closer together Shiro starts to be afraid of losing her like he did with the previous doctor because he doesn’t know how long they have before the new resurrection starts that makes him wonder was that fear similar to what the previous doctor felt when they had no luck finding a cure for his disease ?  His memories  with the galra still haunt him , he   is also  afraid of his abilities he is afraid if he will hurt anyone innocent he is terrified if he ends up hurting the Doctor . The Doctor assures him this will never happen she has faith in  him ,
The galra find them again
(maybe Shiro even fights Kuron they both fall into a quintessence pool  so he comes out merged with his clone  or captured to save the doctor and they complete their experiments on him   (so imagine him more buff and with white hair and his super strength even greater (think the first stage now doubles )
So there is a moment like Save yourself i will be resurrected again and he is Like NO NEVER AGAIN I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN  I COULDN'T SAVE HIM I CAN'T LET YOU GO AS WELL BOTH OF YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME I CAN’T LOSE YOU TOO ..(He feels so guilty having all that power and not be able to save the one most important )  Pidge is  about to cry ..Shiro...she kisses him smiles and says forgive me.......she with  pushes him out of the Tardis  (that the portal  is his home world) and shiro screams NOOOOO and there is a flash of light  Pidge used the Tardis 's power  to close a galra portal that tried to mimic her  Tardis abilities  but it was unstable and created a hole that would destroyed all universes ………..so she plays her last card stubbing her screwdriver in her control panel   and explodes .on the outside shiro  trying to look what is happening things flying out of the tardis
and sees that the Tardis  is getting crushed like a can in a mini black hole and then ..there is nothing he bursts into tears
Shiro believes  the Doctor is  gone it feels like he woke up for a dream but his appearance his pain are  proof that it was all real
5 years later Shiro became an author and published his adventure but instead of The Doctor  he named the characters Adam and Pidge...
he believed even passing it as a fantasy story the world should know about  the Doctors's sacrifices then during a signing autographs  in a book presentation a young man looking a bit familiar comes over . Name please ….My name is Matt but the autograph is not for me ..Oh  Ok who should i sign this for ….Matt says for my sister Katie its her birthday  today (today was actually dr who death anniversary)  (matt is like with the long hair  like in the last season)To Katie i wish you  Happy Birthday  ...Takashi 'Shiro' Shirogane…. She is a big  fan of your work  she has all your books hopes you make any merchandise based on the series   she got caught up with a project so she was worried she will not make it in time today ...Sounds like a really nice person I  hope i'll meet her someday ...The next few days seemed like the usual routine but he  then he stumbles on someone without paying attention on the subway  and says I  am so sorry no I am sorry he gets out of the train turns and sees Doctor ?! the doors closed and the train leaves before he reaches out ..he must be seeing thing he really missed her  after all
Then the next day he turns and a small figure in hurry hits on his chest falls over and papers fall around the place and his clothes now stained with coffee (again awkwardly  sorries bends over to help the girl with the papers looks at the figure and .....Doctor ..? and she says oh my god you are …….Shiro smiles ….You are Takashi Shirogane the writer i can't believe it .....shiro’s heart sank ... believing that he is wrong again this girl with long hair can't be the Doctor  he saw her disappear from the world but she looks so much like her like about the right age but longer hair……
They start talking and says let me make it up to you let me treat you some coffee  i'll let you have a look at some raw drafts for my new book .....at his place she gets all fangirling nerd out  and then she encounters something that stares in shock on a glass case there is a broken screwdriver . she opens the case and touches the item ....and she faints and he screams KATIE ..She wakes up it all comes back to me ......the reason why I read your stories was that they reminded me of something ...5 years ago…... I had a car accident  with my brother he escaped with light wounds but I fell into a coma and there were sighs i wasn't going to wake up I was getting worse and worse  by day they said 10 months of this (10 months was his time with the Last Doctor  aka Pidge) Then i woke up with this huge blank of memory doctors said it was normal but all i could remember there was light and someone yelling or more like crying  i was dying like all over again  and then i felt myself  been separated from my body no like someone separated me from my body and then there was nothing i can't remember much but then i woke up
then one day i started reading your books every time i read and finished and starting a new i felt like pieces of puzzle and yet the picture  was still a blurry  she kept having flashes of  my  body glowing all over her and then getting separated  like a getting divided into 2 glowing forms one was her she looked back and saw a dark skinned  man with glasses smiling and pushing her towards an exit
then she woke up in a hospital bed……..
(so imagine in that glowing place when adam is pushing her and he smiles he turns the other way heading to some other blur figures aka the other  doctor  incarnations )
She was now free as   they will continue to wondering in infinity  but she is free she even got a new life and memories with a family and everything and now she once again reunites with Shiro …..
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crystalelemental · 3 years ago
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Chapter 5 of Bravely Default 2 complete, and...huh.
I’m sorry, no way is that the actual end of the game, right?  Like, I’m watching the ending credits, but that’s really abrupt.  I mean, it could be.  But it sucks, I don’t like that.
This chapter should’ve been much faster than it was, but it...wasn’t.  Mostly this is the fault of side quests I decided to work on clearing.  There were so many.  And so many involve just running back and forth between towns.
The main issue with this chapter is that I think I’m experiencing the JRPG late-game experience of Massive Burnout.  I’m tired of dungeons going on so long.  It takes way, way too long to get through some of this shit.  Just...too many enemies, constantly, winding bullshit paths, etc.  I feel like RPGs should’ve figured out a better solution to this problem of late-game experience.  There’s gotta be a way to balance higher difficulty with not just spamming annoying fights and making the path harder to work through while also spamming randomly spawning encounters.
The bosses themselves were fine.  The only one that was super annoying was the turtle guy with Reflect.  That was a major pain in the ass, especially when it turned out to absorb Earth.  Like okay, you put up Reflect as bait so me to accidentally casting Disaster on you.  Great.  Fuck you.  Edna herself was relatively challenging, but only because of Silence and the absurd storm attack.  Otherwise, the same thing happened to her that happened to Adam.  “Oh no, I’m being defeated, how could this happe-oh nevermind, Gloria dropped and revived everyone and now we’re at full power so close to your death that we can spam our best spells and easily clear this, git fukt.”
Okay, interruption: the credits ended, I loaded the save, and the book shows us that event as if it’s yet to happen, and we can back out.  So the story continues.  That’s actually pretty great, I love it.  Reminds me of 999, when you have that one ending that won’t progress without knowledge from another.  You know, before all the complicated metaphysics made that series impossible to keep up with.
On that note, I did keep Shieldbearer/White Mage.  Bastion...sucks, comparatively.  Blocking only one attack in a game where foes react constantly and have up to four actions isn’t cutting it, and without healing potential, the rest of the team falters really badly.  Meanwhile, Shieldbearer can spam party-wide Curage and Arise and shit for goddamn free, because all that MP comes back with Defender of the People activating.  It’s insane how good this combo is, like I actually don’t know how to play defense without it.
I also dropped Hellblade/Oracle.  Elvis was pulled in too many directions with it, and the HP consumption did not do enough for damage output.  Like okay sure, delayed attacks, but it’s weaker than Red Mage’s damage anyway, and they doublecast right away.  So I wasn’t very impressed with Hellblade.  He’s Swordmaster/Berserker again, but I might play around with Ranger for a bit, haven’t decided.  The trouble is that Swordmaster keeps being useful in boss fights, and is stupid effective at clearing random encounters.  But I don’t like it as much as Ranger.  I dunno, I’ll play around.
So, Gloria’s still Spiritmaster/Oracle, and remains fantastic.  Now that her magic damage is on par with Adelle’s, we have a really strong source of Holy, and Triplara.  She’s actually not bad at all on damage, and a successful roll of Triplara hitting all three elements is absolutely massive for showing off weaknesses of a foe before Elvis and Adelle start firing.  I’ve also learned a fun combo.  Spiritmaster’s second-tier passive is great, because it’s infinite activation of all spirits, but one of those spirits removes special effects, like Re-Raise and Hastega and the elemental affinities on Elvis’ sword.  All of which I want to keep.  So the solution is that she can actually Default up to 2, turn off the conditions, then use her Special to heal everyone, apply Re-raise to the party, and can always dip back down if it gets dicey.  It’s a pretty nice system of getting both types of strategies running.  The only downside is you have to Default if you’re entering “don’t want conditions removed” territory, or it gets messy.
Adelle, as expressed, remains Red Mage/Black Mage.  Doublecast is tremendous, and she’s stacked with effects to boost crit damage on her magic, so she’s able to really shred into a foe.  Which is good because they’re starting to pack an awful lot of HP.  Edna was like 180k.  That’s on par with some of the really scary rare encounters.  I’m assuming that means I should be able to handle those, but I’m not convinced.  I tried the Jormungandr fight, and it absolutely bodied us, so I think we’re still a ways away.
But yeah, I have officially lost motivation to seriously try changing up the party’s composition.  I think this is the winning strategy.  Adelle is massive magic damage, Elvis is massive physical damage, Gloria’s a fantastic supporter with solid magical damage as long as the enemy isn’t immune to Holy, and Seth is an unbreakable wall with infinite healing.  Cease thinking, begin endgame.
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jacksgreysays · 7 years ago
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Shikako Nara's Guide To Delinquency and Military Insurrection, 2/? (2018-02-03)
(Rule Two: those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash)
Mikoto is checking the perimeter.
Checking the perimeter--ha! what an unnecessary thing to do with a Hyuuga on her team. The last time she actually checked the perimeter was probably during practice missions in the Academy, before she got assigned on a team with one of strongest Byakugan users and a chakra sensor whose range is only rivaled by her insane capacity.
Even with the near endless amount of ROOT teams after them, blank porcelain masks to match their blank emotionless faces, there's no real reason for Mikoto to check the perimeter.
As if it weren't just an excuse to get some space from her teammates, just a moment of manufactured solitude to breath and enjoy the cool, quiet night air and internally freak the fuck out over her life choices.
Defect from Konoha?! What the fuck was she thinking? She spent YEARS proving her worth to her assbackwards, misogynistic clan elders--clawing her way up to a jounin ranking despite their opinions about retiring at chuunin to bear children and contribute to the clan--and... well, actually, put like that it's maybe more of a surprise that she didn't defect earlier.
But she was willing to put up with all that bullshit because she did, despite the elders, love her clan and her village. She loved being a shinobi of Konoha.
But she loves her friends more.
Even when it's been nearly a month on the run from Creepy Councilor Shimura's hunter-nins trying to drag them back for, no doubt, imprisonment and torture and experimentation and, eventually, execution.
For her and Hizashi, at least. Konoha's not going to execute their only Uzumaki and jinchuuriki.
But just because Konoha would never kill Kushina, doesn't mean they would never hurt her. Or haven't ever done so before.
And Hizashi may be one of the strongest Byakugan users in the village, one of the Hyuuga clan head's sons even, but he's not the right son. Not the one who lucked into the Main Family, free from a slavery seal that could and would be used against him. By his own clan.
By his own twin brother.
And of course, Kushina couldn't leave that alone. And no one has ever built a seal that a trained Uzumaki didn't consider absolute child's play.
But every action has its consequences--it seems like these past few months have been nothing but dealing with consequences--and now they're on the run from creepy Councilor Shimura's minions in the middle of nowhere chasing some rumors about some other Uzumaki in the hopes that...
In the hopes of what?
This other Uzumaki will see Kushina and fall over themselves to welcome a long lost relative? Haven't they just escaped from a village full of awful relatives?
And even if this other Uzumaki were the welcoming sort, whose to say they'd even be powerful enough to protect them from the full wrath of Konoha?
Mikoto loves her village, she does, even now, but Konoha--for all their reputation as the friendly one--is not one for mercy.
A part of her foolishly, futilely, wishes for their jounin sensei. Wishes that Kiyoshi-sensei were still alive to make everything better--to sweep in and make the problem go away with a few select whispers in certain ears and a convoluted exchange of favors amongst the village's different departments.
But they are far from Konoha, further still from being those silly little genin trailing admiringly in their sensei's wake, and anyway how selfish is she? She should be wishing that Kiyoshi-sensei were still alive for little Kakashi's sake, not to cover up for their own grown-ass mistakes.
Although, if Mikoto is being honest, she'd probably do the same exact thing because  she does, actually, love her friends.
It's a presence more than a sound that catches her attention, and her hypervigilance has her activating her Sharingan immediately.
The girl who steps into her line of sight is not a ROOT agent--or if she is, she's a level higher than the rest--because her facial features shift into an actual human expression. Bizarrely, that expression is an almost sheepish resignation.
Mikoto spots Hizashi lurking in the trees behind their visitor ready to pounce while Kushina comes barreling in with all the subtlety and grace of a wounded water buffalo.
The girl just sighs as if she weren't surrounded by three Konoha jounin.
Sorry, three former Konoha jounin.
"Okay..." the girl says, not bothered whatsoever, "I was supposed to be on my way to Wind Country right now, but the three of you seem to be in some kind of trouble..."
Mikoto catches the brief flicker of annoyance on Hizashi's face before he shrugs and drops down to the ground, no use in hiding if she already knows he’s there.
"... and given that I just killed a team of ROOT flunkies who were headed in this direction, and all of your headbands have those super fashionable lines across the leaf, I'm pretty sure I know what the problem is, and I thought I should at the very least offer my services," the girl rambles on, ignoring the surprised and confused glances Mikoto exchanges with her teammates.
"What are you even talking about?" Kushina asks, patience finally giving way to frustration.
Now it's the girl's turn to look surprised and confused. She looks at them like they should already know:
"The assassination of Danzo Shimura, of course."
~
A/N: Shikako just barging and dropping cool one liners and breaking the minds of everyone around her. So hip.
Anyway, just a little personal headcanon for Team... uh... I dunno, Pretty Long-haired Parents. Specifically, Mikoto Uchiha, Hizashi Hyuuga, and Kushina Uzumaki. The timing probably doesn’t work--and Kushina was probably not on a team or Hizashi was on a different team or whatever whatever--but according to SQ “the timeline is made up and facts don’t matter” so I can do whatever I want.
I mean, not as much as Shikako can do whatever she wants, but still.
Speaking of, not that it much matters (I probably could have deleted that paragraph, tbh, but I just wanted it so much) but their jounin sensei is my (In)Difference OC Kiyoshi Utsugi who is also Kakashi’s mom--hence why I tagged it here even if it’s not canon for that either.
I dunno! I just wanted cool team combos!
I’ll probably do a Character Stats post for this bunch also.
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objectionabl3-blog · 6 years ago
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-- Rules --
Hey! Welcome to this brand new blog! I’m still trying to figure out what exactly I’m doing. I don’t know how active I’ll manage to be, but I’ve been bit by the Ace Attorney bug (again) and I’d love to get some RPing done, if possible!
- I’m semi-selective. I’ll role play with anyone, mutuals or non-mutuals, but I’m saying I’m semi-selective, just in case since I can be a little picky at times. If your blog’s super inaccessible or your writing is very aesthetic, it’s likely I might not interact with you.
- I am in fact over 18. I’d rather not RP smut on blog, though. Suggestive stuff is fine, but anything farther than that is fade-to-black. (No suggestive stuff with muses under 18 though! Get outta here with that!)
- I’m a little behind in the series. I played through most of the games back in 2014/2015, so… I might be a little dumb to some things, but I am working through a replay, so hopefully, that won’t last forever. Beyond that, the games I explicitly haven’t played yet are Spirit of Justice, AAI2, Phoenix Wright vs. Professor Layton, and the DGS games, and while I’d like to avoid spoilers where I can, I don’t mind RPing with characters I don’t necessarily know yet.
- I’ll be pretty selective on shipping. (Sorry!) I’m very stuck on Wrightworth and I will be ready and down for that, but in all honesty, I'm not much of a multishipper, especially with OTPs like Wrightworth is for me, so if you want something outside of that, I might not be 100% willing.
Beyond that, though, I won’t ignore canon! So, if you have a canon pairing in mind, I won’t just erase it and will usually enjoy writing it to character, but I won’t always necessarily ship it. Lastly, at the end of the day, I’m entirely a chemistry shipper! 
My only thing is that I will not do larger age gap ships or age gap ships where one is under twenty and the other over twenty. They make me highly uncomfortable for very, very personal reasons and that will be the end of that. Thank you. (Note: this is also something I might avoid you for. I'm trying to not think of it too much for the sake of RPing, but this really does make me truly unnerved and it isn't something I can help. Please understand that.)
- OC-friendly and multi-fandom welcome. This… might end up being something I’m a little more selective about, too, but I like leaving my options open! Don’t be afraid to interact or hit me with a DM!
- Discord. If you prefer role playing on Discord, don't be afraid to hit me up over DMs! I'm happy to RP over there instead!
- Don’t reblog my art! I’ve chosen to do little doodles for this blog, but I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about what this blog is about and I don’t want to risk my art blowing up on this blog over my main. If you want me to post something so you can reblog it though, feel free to let me know and I’ll slap it on my main just for you.
The same goes for my writing. I’d really prefer if you didn’t reblog anything you aren’t involved in RP wise, but if I write up something that isn’t necessarily for role play and you’d like to reblog it, let me know and I’ll post it somewhere you can share it.
-- About --
I’m not too good at doing the same big write-ups as everyone else, but I thought I’d just clear some basic stuff up!
I’ll play Phoenix at any age and any point in his timeline! Just make sure to clarify what you want or I’ll most likely default to Phoenix in a vague point in the Trilogy timeline, unless your muse is from one of the later games, obviously.
I prefer Phoenix with brown/black eyes over the more recent blue, but I won’t kill you for saying blue if you decide to write it that way.
My Phoenix is bi! It’s probably still something he never really thought about, but he knows he’s attracted to most people regardless.
(Oh, and if you’re looking for other characters, I also run a multimuse over at @turnaboutanything!)
As for the mun, I was originally avoiding saying too much about who I am, but I have no self control and my personal blog is sort of indirectly linked here now, anyway. Whoops! So, if you're wondering:
I'm Alistair! I go by he/him pronouns and if you want to shorten my name, I prefer Stair!
I have 9+ years of role play experience and, maybe... only solid month or two of tumblr RP experience, but I don't think that matters too much, honestly. I was 4 - 5 years into RPing and I still didn't even know how to solidly give people enough to respond to. I think I've gotten better, though. I hope so, anyway.
If I'm ever late to respond, it's because I have ADHD and depression which is a very fun combo for productivity. I go through phases of being productive or not being productive at all which I apologize for, but unfortunately, I do the most that I can about it.
If you do ever really want me to respond, feel free to nudge me about it, though! As long as it doesn't turn into nagging, sometimes I do need the reminder, especially if it's been a while because I start to get scared you'll be upset at me for not responding. (I also get stuck on responses sometimes because I won't know where to go with it and messaging me usually gives me the kick I need to ask about it, too!)
If you just want to be friends, I am SUPER SUPER open to that. I love talking to people and I love making friends, so really, don't be afraid to DM me! I want to hear from you, especially if you want to talk to me.
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afriendlyirin · 8 years ago
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7 and 11!
7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?
“Can’t stand” is a strong term, but I definitely mellowed on Homestuck in its final years. The endless left-field twists and “everybody’s dead LOL J/K” got tiring after a while.
I guess something similar can be said for my experience with The Legend of Zelda. I grew up on the Game Boy games, which were pretty good, and greatly enjoyed the dark stories of Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, and The Wind Waker. But then the writer left and everything since has taken an abrupt left turn into zanyville and generic fantasy cliche, which disappoints me. I haven’t seen Breath of the Wild yet, though, maybe it’s better?
Edit: Oh, Fallen London. I liked it back when it was one self-contained thing and not a cosmological mystery epic spread across a dozen different games and premium content storylines that you have to constantly cross-reference to have any idea of what’s going on. What little I can comprehend seems kinda lackluster. It seems like the age-old problem of writers providing good mystery and atmosphere and then discovering they can’t deliver when it comes to resolution. 
11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?
Princess Bubblegum (Adventure Time). I am so sick of all the fic and theories about how she’s secretly super evil and is going to be the ultimate villain of the show. I actually find her really fascinating as an example of alien, non-human morality and sensibilities. She’s obviously trying, even if she fails a lot of the time. Fandom may have mellowed on her now that she’s gotten a redemption arc, though, I haven’t checked recently.
Alphys (Undertale) for pretty much the same reasons. Everything about her was super relatable and it is a little disturbing to see how much everyone thinks she’s an irredeemable monster crying crocodile tears. People sure are bad at reading characters with mental illness and sure are quick to judge female characters, aren’t they.
Aranea Serket (Homestuck). You may notice a theme here. She wasn’t the greatest person but at least she tried, unlike all those other idiots. I particularly liked that she was the only character in the entire work who actively tried to screw destiny instead of capitulating to fate.
Gina Linetti (Brooklyn Nine Nine). Don’t think I don’t see y’all lapping up comedic sociopaths doing truly awful stuff when they’re men, but the moment the archetype gets applied to a woman suddenly everyone has to take it totally seriously and realistically. No. She’s hilarious and, frankly, nicer than a lot of other comedic sociopaths who do cross the line for me.
Maha Sonorie (Unsounded). I couldn’t even be surprised when people decided she was evil before she’d even shown up, when all we had to go off on her was the ravings of a zealot spewing hateful propaganda. Can we judge powerful women based on what they actually do instead of deciding they’re evil from day 1 and willfully misreading every single thing they do to conform to that interpretation, please. I think she’s a very cool and nuanced depiction of a leader under the stress of inheriting a huge mess and trying to make her own solution to the problem even when it makes her unpopular, and I’m curious to see her full plan play out. Can’t be any more evil than Kima “Let’s Nuke ‘Em” Bell’s.
I want to also include Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), but the season 5 twists have... changed things. I’ll just say I really liked the old Rose, for the reasons mentioned in that post.
Combo breaker: Ganondorf (The Legend of Zelda), specifically Ganondorf as a villain. I’ve talked about this before. Practically everyone seems to portray him as sympathetic, misguided, or even a woobie, but I prefer the terrifying, remorseless tyrant he was in Ocarina of Time. People are quick to declare him as stale and overused in canon, but I disagree; it’s more that canon refuses to use him in interesting ways. I still think he has potential for interesting villain roles: he is actually an extremely intelligent and patient guy while still being incredibly petty and narrow-minded, which I think can lead to interesting setups, especially if you go with the “this has been going on for centuries and he remembers everything” interpretation.
I think I could theoretically roll with turns-good Ganondorf – anything can be done well – but I haven’t yet seen anything that convincingly bridges the gap from his canon incarnation. Everyone seems to start at the assumption that he would eventually get tired of fighting and no, guys, sorry, that’s super OOC. He is a petty dick. Embrace his dickishness!
Some fandoms/characters may have slipped my mind, feel free to follow up with specifics.
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nikfix · 6 years ago
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Circus Tricks with the Ringmaster, Francis Lorenzo
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Photo by Alyza Abacan
I met Francis Lorenzo (or Fran, as many people call him) after my band Garage Morning played a set at Checkpoint Rock Bar in BF, Parañaque. We headed to Tas Roofdeck to have drinks with MOONWLK’s Nick Lazaro, Isa Romualdez, and a few other friends. He goes in the same gym as with my bandmate and close friend, Roy.  I began looking at Fran’s stuff after meeting him, and we even got to play with his former band Sleepwalk Circus, which makes really good music. I would see Fran again a few months after at the Fete dela Musique Post Rock/Math Rock Stage, playing with acts like AOUI, Tom’s Story, Twin Lobster, and others. I was amazed with his intricate arrangements and textural guitar work. I’ve been really curious with what he uses to create these awesome guitar tones.
How did you start making music and playing guitar?
I remember fragments - how I initially wanted to be a pianist but eventually got too defeated (I really suck at piano, one would think it’s just a simpler typing keyboard) that I moved to the guitar instead. Till this day I kind of regret it, the keyboard is the ultimate future proof instrument that can do everything (forgive me guitarists, if I could - i would gladly be labeled a stringed traitor).
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Photo courtesy of Fran Lorenzo
How did your career, and your band/s start out?
I used to play solo gigs under my name I think? I really can’t remember - but eventually a lot of those songs got carried to Sleepwalk Circus which was formed with my friend Jm Quiblat (I was the sleepwalk chill guy / he was this energizer bunny circus guy). Cut to now, I went full circle and am sort of back alone.
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Photo by Alyza Abacan
Who are your main influences? And how did they inspire you to play better?
Can I answer this one guitar wise cos entire musical wise might be too long and boring for people? Not a lot of credit is given to Billy Corgan (Sorry, I meant William) when it comes to influencing a generation to pick up or play a guitar a certain way. Then we have Sigur Ros for that large orchestral guitar sound, Kevin Shields for the even noisier stuff and Phil Keaggy for all those minstrel stuff. But ultimately sound wise, I think I am more influenced by piano/keyboard players as a whole, I have evolved (devolved?) into a guitarist trying hard to sound like a keyboardist.
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Tell us more about your music.
1st Band: Sleepwalk Circus - these guys are still active but without me around (Sorry we had no drama, but we can think of a nice move-like story/scenario if you ask us. It just won't be consistent). Back then tho we relied a lot on delays to fill out stuff - having a perfect bpm drummer really helps enhance this. They have a much heavier sound now but do check em out.
Current: TheRingmaster - In summary, we could say this was initially the spinoff series to SC - I am going to release a new album soon where I collaborated with a lot of cool musicians! I don’t really use much delay/reverb as before but I think at this point anything I make turns out dreamy for some reason. I guess it’s one of those natural inclined sort of things. I sadly can’t give a date yet on the release because I myself don’t know. I’m really bad when it comes to those kind of things.  
You can hear a lot of my stuff in commercials or tv shows. I tend to fool around with my last name but if you see Fran <insert dumbest last name you can think of>, usually that is my stuff. (Clearly we get bored in the credits section of these things)
Future: I have plans to have someone with me in the future - the equal partner. Some songs are semi done (I write a lot) - to be honest i’m more excited about this than my upcoming album release.
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I’ve seen you play that awesome Shoreline Gold Suhr JM. Tell us more about it!
I was never really a fan of Strats or Jazzmasters (or a fan the Fender lineup in general - mostly because they look so normal and generally have a thin/bright sound). Strats were generally tinkly sounding (with addition to having the most generic guitar design) while Jazzmasters have this weird “look at me people” mid attack sound going on. And then along came this Suhr Strat, you can say I was “initially forced” to get it because a friend of mine (Carlos Tanada) at the time needed additional money to lessen the wedding whapam.
But wow, just from feel alone you could tell its difference from a regular fender and below tier Strat. The neck setup and plek make everything so comfortable. Also I don’t know what John Suhr does to make it sound so balanced. How one can best describe it is - it sounds like you don’t need to treat it in post anymore - kind of balanced. I also like how it is enough to be different but not so different enough that strat players won’t complain about it. Carlos bought the strat back eventually by the way.  
With that in mind I tried out the Suhr JM for the sake of seeing if Suhr was consistent for that model too - honestly I was hoping I wouldn’t enjoy it, but I did and ugh - poof went the $$$. This thing was meant to be played with an overdrive forever on. Also It didn’t help the only available one left was the rare Gold model either! Aside from unique red-ish guitars, i’m a sucker for white and gold guitars! I had to get it. Again I am sorry future sick me who won’t be able to pay his emergency medical bills.
What about your other guitars. Which is your favorite one, which ones do you use the most for gigs/recordings and why?
Like all musicians, I name all my important guitars. In general I like ‘clearly a gem but undesired anyway’ guitars. It would be like Lobster, everyone knows lobster is amazing but majority always name Sushi, Steak, Lechon or Spaghetti as their favorite dish:
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Bijou, The Gretsch White Penguin - I don’t bring this one around too much because it requires too much care, that kind of care that doesn’t go well with alcohol. This is probably my prettiest guitar and I would say is an example of a 10/10 lookwise guitar. Even non-music instrument people would ask about it - like a work of art, there are so many pleasant details to appreciate from the pearl inlays to the efforted gold sparkle binding. Sound wise, it has this great acoustic sounding clean + overdriven tone which I did use on a few of the songs for my upcoming album! But honestly I only ever really desired one purely on looks. Much like not really caring if a supermodel I will marry has wonderful cooking skills or not. 
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It was always a childhood dream to own one so when an opportunity came to get one at an attainable price - i had to do it. I’ve been contemplating on selling it (I had it low effort posted) because I honestly have no right owning one, in the same vein we should question the lifestyle of a homeless man driving around and living inside a Rolls Royce.
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Bill Goldberg, The Suhr Jazzmaster - This is the current workhorse / live gigging guitar. It plays and sounds so consistently well no matter what amp I am use which is why it ended up becoming my current go to guitar. It has that Suhr comfortable PLEK neck playability and still has enough looks and symbol power to make people go “Awssshiiii” when they see it. I do want to change the pickguard to some custom art piece made of wood one day, perhaps when I look at my wallet and realize I haven’t made a terrible life decision in a while. Also I like how despite the price, there is something about Fender type design guitars where should a ding or a massive paint scratch accident occur - it's alright. Like an expensive dirt bike - it looks prettier should it take a beating.
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Natasha Sashiminov, The GIbson BFG Les Paul - I remember when this model first came out, everyone kept dissing it because it looked so ‘bad’ in photos plus it wasn’t of tradition. C’mon oldies, it’s called BFG (actually stands for “Badass Fucking Guitar”) so you can tell the target market already. I saw one in person (It really does look nicer in person) and tried it out - so warm and loud + great sounding for the price tag. I think I got it for brand new 35k range (Considered cheap for a Gibson and my first REAL/of worth guitar) back then - a true unwanted gem. P90 and burstbucker combo + chambered body keeps it nice and warm. The non lacquer wood looks so raw that if a ding occurs, you would think it was part of the design - I love it, no guilt from accidental dings. The first gen ones then became sought after a while (they’re more expensive now) - people eventually realized they were actually great guitars. Recently I heard Gibson released a new BFG version but the configuration of this first gen one is still better! (Attached is a tripleplay to make it output midi notes)
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MEH, the James Tyler Variax 89 (USA Version) - These things are apparently super expensive, like an absurd $3000+ range expensive because the USA versions are limited + built in James Tyler’s factory with his specs. That being said this is the ugliest guitar I have. The only reason I got it was I really wanted a Variax for recording purposes and finding a cheap one was near impossible (The Korean models go up to $1000), but then I found someone who was selling it to me for cheaper the price than the Korean model! (Don’t want to give exact amount I paid because people will get annoyed) And just so I can say I own an actual James Tyler. Feel wise though, this is sadly the comfiest of all guitars to play with. PLEK, Perfect smooth playability no matter how you set it, playing at higher frets still gives a center stable non jittery tune note on the tuner, graphtech nut and tuners make it super stable no matter how hard I strum, real humbuckers sound awesome and of course the HD modeling, etc. See, I always find myself justifying its existence. I remember asking Micsis if he would like to paint it white and then somehow make it all fancy but he gave me a “No, this coat is expensive. And there’s a cpu inside.” reasoning so cue ~ sadface and any form of hope. But in fairness I use this thing a lot for recording albums + works, I could say this is the most useful guitar in my collection - as much as possible I don’t want to be seen with it tho.  
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Tinosexual, the Antigua Squier Baritone - This is how I usually do my bass lines when recording or if I need -5 down song writing inspiration. I only mention this here because apparently this certain model is sought after - and I got it at a really cheap price. Like below 10 cheap. Hee.
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The First One / Art Guitars - I have guitars that I keep at weird tunings / for display. I currently have 2 DND’s being sanded right now before I can ask my go to artists to work on them so I can’t picture em at the moment. This picture is actually my first ever ‘guitar’ made with Indonesian artwork to give tribute to my homeland. It’s a piece of garbage sound wise - I used it on one song in an old Delusion of Reference album (Merry Frolics) where I needed an annoying cheap ‘sounds broken overdriven guitar sound. I was thinking of helping market some of these artists to do commissions in the future so i’ll mini tease that here.
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Let’s take a look at your pedalboard. What effects do you use live?
Hoboy hoboy this is where my face actually lights up. I’m not so interested in drive / dirt pedals but I do keep myself updated with the stuff out there. I base my purchasing on ‘uniqueness’ and ‘featureness’. Sometimes I don’t understand why people would get X + Y pedal when pedal Z does em both for half the price at better/equal the sound. My pedalboard at home / recording is the same as my live so I don’t need to remove anything + I still sound the same live. If I could give pedalboard advice though, give yourself a size limit! And try not to exceed that size. It makes for easier gigging + controls the unnecessary gas.
1) Digitech Freqout - This is the only pedal out there that does this kind of sound. It sounds more natural than the boss feedbacker and you can adjust how fast it ramps / how loud it goes or even the pitch and when it activates. I lent my ebow to a friend after getting this as well because it can do that sound - ish.
2) Dwarfcraft Silver Rose v2 - The original one I believe was a BillyC commissioned pedal by Devi Ever that got discontinued because the two had a falling out. Dwarfcraft revived and improved the v2. After getting this fuzz, I immediately sold every other fuzz (except for one) I had - this was that tone I was looking for. Controlled messy fuzz. I can’t describe the tone so I suggest people look it up on youtube instead. It has so many modes! I also love that this fuzz has a clean through knob to help with the ‘control’ and layering.
3) Devi Ever Rocket - Of course I had to get this for that SP Muff tone. On one side it has a messier version of a MUFF and a crazy octaver fuzz on the other. This thing is amazing for thickening or for “notice me / stank face” fuzz leads. Yes, it does the siamese dream tone stuff really well.
4) EHX Pitch Fork - This pedal has amazing polyphonic tracking, add an exp and it can do whammy stuff. It also does pog stuff. Has a blend knob and has a chorus like effect in built as well. Why do people even bother with the other similar featured pedals then like the Pog / Digitech Drop / etc?
5) EHX Soul Food - I like the sound of Klon drives simply because they are really transparent. This Klon clone is the only drive I have tried that doesn’t affect the tone of the guitar or doesn’t cut the low end. I would like to get a tumnus one in the future just for real estate reasons but the Soul Food is priced too well.
6) Boss DC-2 Dimension C- I love this chorus, it’s so subtle in a way that if I am plugged into a stereo setup - it will sounds like I am double tracking but am on time a lot. Think the Cure type subtle chorus - so naturally great for coloring clean tones.
7) Boss SL-20 Slicer - This was a dismissed pedal by many because of its ‘one trick’ pony-ness but this really is useful for time based rhythm effects especially if the drummer is following a strict bpm. They come by really cheap here but in Japan I remember it being sought after because the synthers use it to spice their pads up. Sometimes if I can’t think of anything I place a basic loop and just have the slicer come up with riffs or pattern ideas for me.
8) Eventide H9 Max (2) - Owning a Max automatically turns up to 4 H9 cores into a max. (Hey you friends trying to take advantage of my remaining slots! I see your slithery intentions!)  I would really like to have gone back to multi effects - it makes things so much easier but there are so many unique effects in the H9 that I use a lot (from other pedals as well) that I can’t go back as of now.
9) Digitech Jamman solo XT - I only use this because I used to have 2, I wanted them to sync and I wanted my loopers to have a set bpm with savable banks. Usually I tend to play verse/chorus in advance so I can focus on singing more live, it goes well with the inbuilt loopers of the H9’s.
Sideboard - Optional RC202 or VE20 depending on gig : Voice effects only on long big sets or if I have a guest singer with me. I make her do dynamic effects on our signals + a few triggering.
10) Strymon Zuma. Before I had this thing - my board was such a hassle to power with adaptors everywhere that would get lost / broken etc. Not to mention the extension cord / wire nightmares. This is the only PSU out there I know that could provide my power needs. The H9’s are hungry. The Jamman, Freqout and Pitchfork also require their own hungry selfish slot. That’s 5 hungry slots down without the remaining others. But money well spent - it’s so quiet.
Also let me tell a story for people who can’t comprehend why one would spend so much on a proper PSU, I once played a gig where they was an outdoor fountain. I brought my Les Paul at the time and because of the gun metal hardware (suspected) and improper shielding, every time i touched the guitar and the mic I would become electrocuted. I had to stop the set because it was getting legit scary and painful - that even roadie who held it nearly dropped my guitar. Cut to future where I played similar gig but this time with this PSU (same guitar) and poor no more noise and electrocution! It could be that they fixed their power thing but I will give credit to the PSU.
What amps do you use at home and live? Oh noes - forgive me pure bloods, I don’t believe in real amps! (Except for live where I have no choice) I honestly think modeling amps are better. My priority has always been recording and to 100% of people who have told me “My recording of a mic’d amp” sounds better than an even basic line 6 - I am sorry, we just don’t have the heart to tell you it does not! Hell even your heroes don’t hide that they prefer modeling. It’s cool though, i get to level up my ‘nodding so hard + snickering sipping’ plastic look.
What are you listening to right now?
Olafur Arnalds has an album coming out soon that I can’t wait for - the releases so far have been amazing. Same goes for Halloween Alaska! A little Lambert here and there as well as stuff from my musician love - Alice Sarah Ott.  The new Jon Hopkins is so pleasant to the ears too so I occasionally go to that + Kiasmos old stuff which is in a similar venn diagram.
What advice can you give to your fellow guitar players and musicians who want to play like you do?
Be lazy if you can, let your pedals do the work for you. Think of it as computer code that you can efficiently make use of so you can focus on doing other things.
Nice chords > blupluplubplupl headache solos.
Will your notes sound good on a keyboard? If so awesome!
Swells + OD + Delay + Reverb = whale sounds = boring. Don’t do it. That’s not ‘experimental’ anymore. Also why is it strymon people always make demo vids/clips of whale noises? What a waste of power.
In the same vein fast dotted delay sweet disposition style delays will make me like you less as a guitarist. Sorry, i meant as a person.
Play with looper pedals! Learn how to support yourself with a long bars. Don’t solo over yourself though, rhythm jam with yourself. Also any loop noise / accidental or ugly when in a pattern could potentially become great music if escorted with the right notes.
Reverb is not meant to hide your notes - it’s meant to accent, enhance or immerse.
Play the same chord 5 times in strong generic strum vs a 5 times crescendo strum. Which sounds better?
“You can coat a turd gold - but its still a turd” so make sure your source instrument is actually nice sounding.
BPM perfection is oddly a skill I find lacking in the general musician population. Play rhythm games guys. Parappa the rapper or Um Jammer Lammy guys! They’re less forgiving = training!
Find yourself an extremely skilled versatile guitarist and do the opposite of how that person plays.
Once you start playing to impress - you have failed.
Ignore all my advice and don’t listen to what anyone tells you to do. They don’t know you like you do.
Get to know The Ringmaster by checking out his stuff!
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infernumequinomin · 6 years ago
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Hi there... I’m sorry if this is too personal, but I saw your recent post mentioning that menstrual cups are such a lifesaver, and for the most part I agree, but it seems like I can never get the position right and it still leaks often... do you have any advice beyond the directions that come with the cup? Again, I’m sorry if this is too invasive to ask, you don’t have to respond if you’re uncomfortable with it. ;;;;
Yeah absolutely not a problem my friend menstrual cups can have kind of a learning curve!My tips and such are gonna be geared pretty primarily towards reusable menstrual cups and not the disposable kind because I just havent ever used them. Also pardon the lack of ref images or anything am on mobile.
Cup Hacks:
If you are having consistent leaks you maybe don’t have a big enough cup, this was my first issue because I used to use the much smaller tampons when I used them then was leaking like nuts, no fun. Get a bigger sized cup (Diva Cup does a small-medium and a large, I used to use a slim tampon and heavy duty pad and need to use the large cup, MoonCups I have been told are slightly larger, so your sizing may vary) If the leaks are kind of sporadic then you may be having some issues getting the cup seating and sealed properly.
Inserting tips, a lot of the guides say to insert the cup kind of folded in half on itself, this can sometimes keep the cup from springing back into shape in the way you need it to upon insertion. I tend to dip the edge into the rounded portion of the cup in a sort of U shape rather than a folded over sandwich shape (I literally can't think of another way to describe this pardon my brain) because it retains its shape on insertion better. When you insert the guide is like “hey shove that bad boy allllll the way up to your cervix” its actually easier to get a solid seal by getting the cup into yourself and then gently pushing up and tilting the opening of the cup towards your bellybutton region. This allows the cup to settle out into being open again and pressing it up after prevents weird suction directly on your cervix which can cause cramps to worsen, can be concerning for folx with IUDs, and is generally not super comfy overall, do not recommend.So simple layman’s instruction: dip one edge of the cup into the center of the cup and squeeze it to hold in place. Insert into your vagina until just the edge of the cup is sitting in your opening, twist and adjust as needed to get the cup to open back up if releasing it did not already. Push the cup into yourself in a sort of parallel to your vagina angle, aiming the opening of the cup up towards your cervix. Wipe any excess blood from your parts, there may be light spotting on heavier days just from blood that was shed while cleaning/emptying your cup so maybe also wear a light pantiliner. If youre noticing more than like a teaspoon of blood on your pantiliner in a few hours, you may not have seated the cup correctly, or you’re bleeding more than the cup can handle and should empty it. A good sign youve not got the suction youre looking for is If you empty the cup and its only slightly full but you've been spotting, the seal isnt good and ya need to adjust. ALSO, sometimes specific strenuous activity like running, riding roller coasters or horses, and swimming can mess up your seal a bit, and you should adjust accordingly.
Removing/cleaning your menstrual cup:Hey that things WAY up there now, how ya gonna get it out? Sittin on a toilet with some leg spread is generally enough for the cup to lower itself towards your entrance, you shouldn’t really have to go fishing for it unless it is way too small for your bod. I’ve had to reach maybe a half inch at most but generally a soft push like youre trying to make yourself pee is enough to force it lower and make it easier to grab. (FUN TIP: PEE BEFORE TRYING THIS SO YOU DONT PEE ON YOUR DANG HAND) Use a bit of toilet paper to reduce grossness factor a bit, grab the ridges or tail on the cup and GENTLY lower it out. Pulling too fast makes one hell of a mess and I defo made that mistake of pulling it out like a tampon at first and had to frantically wipe down the toilet cause I got blood all over and honestly friends… It just isn't worth it. Be gentle. Cradle it and empty it backwards towards your butt to avoid potential UTI issues and then pull it out of your crotch/toilet area. (I’m not actually sure what the rate of UTIs among folx who use a cup are but I know I havent had one since I started using mine but be safe either way!)
In any given bathroom, public or private, ya got a couple options for cleaning the thing out. If you have a sink close enough to where your toilet is, a little rinse in generally fine if you’re reinserting it immediately, and you can use soap if you want it to be a little more sanitary (I recommend this unless youre getting rushed out the door by your girlfriend to go get burgers). You can also, if sinks are out of reach or just gonna cause you to hobble your way over with your pants around your ankle (don’t do this, its not worth the potential for drippage since you just opened the floodgates so to speak), do a wipe down with some tp or a damp paper towel if you remember to do that when you walk into the bathroom like a person better than me would. I generally ball up a little bit of tp, slide it inside, give everything a good wipe down, and then flush the evidence away (don’t flush that paper towel though, rude). This is honestly not preferred for me, I’d rather rinse it every time, but you really never know if youre gonna have to empty your cup in a public stall bathroom so, ces la vie, gotta live your life.
Cup comparisons:
I used to use 2-3 overnight or super pads a day for the heaviest days of my flow (which was generally the 3-4 days in the middle of my gottdang 7 day period). With my cup I generally use 1 or 2 pantiliners a day on heavy days, none at the beginning of my period or towards the end when I’m lighter, and maybe a regular pad overnight if I’m especially heavy, so I am still occasionally wearing a few disposable items but honestly, a pantiliner is a game changer from wearing big heavy overnight pads to WORK ugh. On average I personally wear my cup for 4-6 hours before emptying it, longer towards the beginning and end of my period, but usually don’t wear it for longer than 10 hours at a time. This is my experience and I honest to god dont know if TSS is a thing that can happen with a cup, but listen to your body and if you start feeling sick at all, definitely remove it and wear a pad for a bit. You can defo use a cup with reusable pads but I dont own any and haven’t really looked at the literature on whether they’re better/worse bacterial infection or whatever wise so I can’t give a good recommendation despite a few folx I know having good experiences with them.
Care and cleaning: I generally wash my cup with a mild vinegar and water solution right after my period ends, this cuts down a lot on bacteria growth and the general funk that a cup can get over time. Its medical grade silicone but its spending most of its time in a moist, nutrient rich environment for bacteria, and like, ngl, the thing is gonna just have a blood smell. It just is. Right after the first week you use it. Its gonna smell kinda weird. Faint, but kinda gross blood/general vagina smell. Nothing wrong with a little vagina smell. I soak my cup overnight after the initial wash in a combo of water and antibacterial soap, dry it, and put it away with my period junk. Once every few months you can do a boil out but you have to be careful not to let your cup melt on the bottom of the pot. Just a mix of water and vinegar (like ¼ cup vin to 2 to 3 cups water) boiled on the stove and drop the cup in there. Use a spoon to make sure it doesn’t touch the bottom and melt or warp, and stay with it. Maybe boil like 10 minutes or so and drain it out and set it somewhere to air dry that isn’t gonna freak out your roommates (don’t dry it with the dishes, big mistake) or have it sitting in water, the point is to let it dry out and breathe. Diva Cup says to replace your cup every year or something which I honestly think is a good way for them to make a crapton of money off people who are super scared of their hygiene being bad and gross or something. You should get rid of your cup around the time that the silicone starts to degrade or start looking rough. I kept my first Diva Cup for 3 years before it started to really show signs of wear and tear in the silicone. Signs your cup may need to hit the streets include: creases or crimps in the cup, persistent discoloration of the silicone (washing, soaking, boiling doesnt do anything and there’s just a grossness to the thing that washing it isn’t helping), a persistent musty sort of smell (this may imply you weren’t washing/caring for your cup as much as it needed and if you’re starting to get that a solid overnight to 2 day soak in a vinegar solution may help a lot. Do it as a 2 stage soak, soak, empty, soak again. Warm water works best and towel dry it off really really well after.) tearing in the silicone period! Its not gonna be effective if there’s a rip, especially on the rim cause that suction is what you want!, and if there are defects or scratches in the silicone overall. So bubbles, scratches, warping, ect.
Storing your cup in a clean, dry place is also important to keeping it from getting damaged or gross to the point you need to get rid of it.
Also, fun fact, you can have sex using a cup. It isn’t a replacement for birth control if that’s a thing you need, but it can make the uncomfortable oozing parts of period sex less… Oozy. PIV Intercourse can be a bit more of a challenge with a silicone cup because of the tail but is definitely possible. Other sex acts (outercourse, oral, frotting) are a lot easier (or even possible depending on your partners feelings on period sex at all) and due to the way self lubrication works in a vagina the cup wont prevent things from getting wet, just keep the blood from making everything a vaguely pink mess.
Anyway so that’s my essay on menstrual cups, I hope this helps ya out with loving your cup and makes it a lot easier to prevent leaks!
Go out and live your fullest life!
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