#sorry 4 no background i suck at them atm

[aexvii]

adventure of the absconding learned friends 💏

[fauzhee10069]

Caato vs Tooru, the problem with “aesthetic interpretation”

Caato’s supporters often like to use “aesthetical points” such as illustrations and designs that they think symbolize something: such as Caato’s hair that represents everything that is necessary to hype her or Caato’s cards (and Stand) that symbolizes "game" and "trick" which ultimately leads to the idea of her as “the mastermind”.

The left picture:

Let’s look at the left picture, it’s about the players involved in the race of Locacaca. On the top panel, there was Caato there together with her son Jobin, her grandson Tsurugi and Damokan Group behind them, despite zero “actual” information about Caato's connection to Locacaca so far.

However, with the infamous theory of Caato's collaboration with Damokan Group, which is only based on her relationship with Jobin and her infamous 15 years contribution to Higashikata’s business, the left picture with her adding another fuel to her hype.

Let’s examine the picture without bias, Damokan Group is on the same panel with the Higashikata because of their evident association with Jobin and Caato is also on the same panel because of her relationship with Jobin. It’s pretty clear that she is on Jobin’s side.

It is “family vs family”: “The Higashikata vs Kira-Joestar” families, as their precious family members are very ill and desperately needed Locacaca. Therefore in the case of the top panel, Araki put the Higashikata family in front of Damo’s group. Also note that those who are sick (Tsurugi & Holy) and in need are put at the front!

Now, pay attention to The Higashikata’s position, from the front to back are Tsurugi, Caato then Jobin. None of them seemed dominant/”suggested as the leader” there as they are placed in zigzag manner. Jobin who is in the back is followed by Damokan Group, suggesting Jobin's cooperation with the group.

Also, Damo is placed in the middle with his group because he is the leader of Damokan Group.

Caato is closer to Tsurugi than Jobin to his son, but until now we haven't seen the relationship between Caato and her grandson, we have never seen them interact at all. Therefore this means nothing for me.

Overall, what I understand here is that Caato should also be involved in the race of Locacaca, but not in the sense of "wow" which put her as the leader, let alone the mastermind. A possible role for her is as a supportive parent to Jobin, in which she is ready to help Jobin at any time as she had done in chapter 59, like the role of Kira’s father Yoshihiro from part 4.

Unfortunately, even at the climax moment until now (when her son Jobin is dying atm), we don't see her anymore and her role at all.

The right picture:

The picture on the right is the members of the Head Doctor gang, taken from chapter 99 when we got new information regarding the rock-humans and their purpose to exist in this world. HD gang has become the antagonist group after Damokan Group finished.

Their position is not based on the order of their debut, although it's a little weird considering Urban Guerilla is in that panel twice. Tooru is placed at the back (which coincidentally, he also appeared the latest). The positions of the other members in front of Tooru are placed in a zigzag manner. Even Poor Tom, who is at the very front, leans slightly to the left.

Tooru’s position is in the middle of the panel and the most obvious, with his body also clearly visible, that he is standing behind them as if everything the other members were doing was under his instruction.

What is even more interesting there is the absence of Akefu Satoru, I think this should be an implication that Tooru was indeed HD Akefu's true identity, not his right-hand man as readers (wanted) to think initially.

Background:

Okay, here’s the problem, Caato’s being hyped since her very first debut up to the latest chapter (100) of JoJolion, despite her being absent since her backstory in chapter 64. Now, Tooru the newcomer (and player in the race of New Locacaca) is currently being developed by Araki in recent chapters.

Caato’s advantage over Tooru is that she appeared earlier than him and had already left strong impression on the readers, but…

Tooru’s advantage over Caato is that his appearance and information about him had already surpassed her (10 chapters vs 4 chapters).

Caato has been supported by theories and speculations created by her supporters, whereas Tooru has been supported by evident clues shown by Araki himself.

Fan-speculations or canon facts? Of course I prefer the later. Unless if Araki eventually follows those speculations, I will surely accept it as long as it becomes “canon”.

And dear Caatofags, if you really like to use an aesthetic interpretation as the basis of your theory, show me a more convincing panel of Caato which truly illustrates that she is indeed a genius mastermind in “Locacaca's game”!

I’m sorry Caato, I don’t hate you but your supporters really suck!

[nickmuch]

c.z.k. - high school (part 3)

PART 1 / PART 2

Note: Honestly, I have nothing to do at work atm, so I might update this daily. Can’t wait for Part 4! Bc I have finally some more Zion action planned.

Also: It might be prom season there, but you didn’t hear it from me. My favorite part to write was probably the one that took place after prom.

Aaand: mobile tumblr seems to ignore all the paragraphing I put into the text to indicate the end of a scene???? So it’s probably easier to read on the desktop version.

A week had passed since my outburst. If you thought that everything magically turned upside down and we lived a happy life riding into the sunset on our white horse, then you thought wrong. Absolutely nothing happened. I returned back to class that day, not even flinching from his words. And he came back a couple minutes later, both of us acting as if we didn’t just kiss. He went back to her and I went back to feeling like shit. The usual story.

I acted like it didn’t faze me when he approached my locker at the end of the school day. “So …” he began. “You and Edwin?”. His voice sounded nervous when he asked me. Scrunching up my face, I fully turned towards him. “Me and Edwin what?”. Sighing, he grabbed my arm making me look him dead in the eyes. “You guys together now? You both seem oddly close these days”. Wow, I couldn’t believe the words that left his mouth. “Congrats! You have officially lost your mind, Caleb” I started picking up my pace. The front door wasn’t too far from here, so I hoped he would just let it go and let me drive home in peace. I hoped for nothing because clearly, he and his long legs caught up to me rather quickly, opening the door to my passenger seat before sitting down. “Look, I’m sorry for everything. But honestly, I just wanna put this all behind us. I miss my friends and I feel like I can’t hang out with the group while you’re still mad at me” “I’m not mad at you, in fact I give zero shits about you. But if you have something to talk about with the boys, then do so. I’m not keeping you from seeing them. They were your friends first, so you have every right to chill with them. I just don’t wanna be included, s’all”. A tap on the window made us look up. There she stood, tight smile on her face and eyes cold like ice. “Aw shit” he said, hurriedly opening the door to get out and explain why in the name of God he was sitting in his Ex’s car talking. Since I seriously didn’t need to hear their arguing – which was bound to happen any second now – I quickly drove off.

“Prom is right around the corner. What do you mean you’re not going?! Yes, you are! Don’t leave me alone with these fools!”. Edwin was close to having a breakdown. All because I didn’t plan on going to prom. There was no reason to go, really. I had no date, it was way too cold In New York to walk around in a dress the whole evening, and I wasn’t in the mood anyways. “Eddie, I love you, but please don’t make me go. I would only destroy the fun” I begged, thinking that would change his mind. Wrong! Because Edwin was – well – Edwin. My excuses were exactly that: just excuses. And he knew. “Okay bebecita, I knooooow you don’t feel like going”. He was convinced that easily? Wow, okay. “But!”. Ah there it was. “We will have fun. Trust me! When have I ever lied to you?”. I mean, he was right. Whenever he said something was going to be fun, it actually turned out to be. “Fine, we’ll go! But make sure that Zion leaves me alone. He thinks we’re dating and I don’t feel like dealing with his headassery again”. Edwin’s eyes nearly fell out of his face. “What?! Oh my god, is he serious?”. A hearty laugh filled up the whole living room. “Mijo, not so loud!” his mom shouted from the kitchen, making him quit immediately. “Anyways” he plopped down next to me on the couch. “No offense, but even if you’d be the last girl in the world and we had to reproduce in order to save the human civilization, I still wouldn’t touch you” Edwin finished. “No offense taken. You’re not my type anyway” I casually said while not breaking my eyes off of the tv screen. Gasp! “I- what? I meant because you’re my twin sister! Not because of your looks!” he cried. “Uhm … oh y-yeah, that’s what I meant too …?”. No way I could save my ass out of this. He looked hurt for a second but didn’t seem to dwell on it when he used my lap as a pillow to watch the show. “Don’t be fooled, you still suck ass”.

The night of the prom, Edwin had officially turned into a bridezilla. Minus the bride, of course. His steps could be heard from everywhere in the house, like a ticking clock you couldn’t dismiss. It was driving me insane. It was driving us all insane. “Edwin, you need to calm down” I tried. “There’s no way! No. Way.” he frantically walked from one room to the other. “My clothes need to be ironed, you still aren’t in your dress- “. “It’s 2 p.m.!” my voice sounded squeakier than expected. “- … your hair’s a mess, face not beat, my hair is acting up, and the damn rental car is running late” he finished with one last breath before collapsing on my bed. “We won’t be on time. Just cancel on the boys for me, the stress isn’t good for the baby”. “What baby?!”. “Me. I’m baby”. I couldn’t believe my ears. This boy lost his mind. Narrowing my eyes at him, he challenged me back to a stare-down. “Listen here, egghead” An offended gasp left his lips. “You’ve been talking about this night for weeks. There’s no backing out now. Move your ass up and get your to-do-list, so I can help you with everything. We still have four hours left before the boys are supposed to be here. So, let’s start!”.

The white Range Rover came to a halt right in front of the school building. Loud music could be heard already, some new rap song playing in the background. “This is gonna be so lit!” Edwin bounced on his seat excitedly before jumping out and dragging the rest of us with him into the gym. The motto for this year’s prom was “neon festival”.The wall decoration was painted in a mix of fluorescent colors, which reflected every time the lights hit them. Bright yellow stars adorned the ceiling, some white smoke even coming out of a smoke machine. Everything was arranged so nicely, I couldn’t help but admire the great effort of the students who probably worked hard for this to come true. Now I understood why Edwin wanted to go so badly. Back home, our prom nights were pretty basic. No one could be bothered to put so much effort into an event, just for it to be over on the same night.

“Here, for you” Nick handed me a red solo cup, which was filled with some pink drink, accompanied by a cocktail umbrella. “Thank you” I said, turning my gaze towards the shining stars again. “I’m so sorry about what I’m gonna say next” he looked slightly uneasy, so I tried to calm him down by laying my hand on his shoulder. “Z and Asya will be joining our table. I mean, only if it’s alright with you”. As if on cue, my eyes wandered over to where I last saw the boys, seeing that – in fact – they were surrounded by the couple. All of them looked so happy, laughing and joking with each other. No matter what I felt towards Caleb, I had to set my pride aside and act nice from now on. The boys were longing to hang out with their friend again and I didn’t want to be the reason for a strain in their friendship.

“It’s alright with me” I replied. His hand cautiously wrapped around my hips, like he was scared of making me uncomfortable. “Lead the way, Mara”. He grinned at me. “Say no more, Honoret”. I rolled my eyes at the name. He knew I wasn’t really a Honoret, and yet everyone just called me that, totally ignoring all my attempts at correcting them.

Luckily, I got the seat between Edwin and Brandon. I didn’t know how to greet Zion and his girlfriend. She was too busy typing away on her phone to notice my arrival, anyways. So, I just gave him a short wave and a shy smile. “Looking nice” he said, motioning to my baby blue velvet bodycon dress. His girl was so busy, she didn’t even notice him complimenting another female. Either that, or she didn’t care. “Thanks Caleb, you too”. Coincidentally, he wore a dark grey suit with a baby blue pocket square. To not give awkward silence any room, Austin suggested to me to dance. Gladly taking his offer, we made our way to the dance floor. Soon enough, Edwin and Nick joined us, their dance moves putting me and him to shame. “You guys enjoying yourselves?” Brandon shouted over the music. I pulled him closer by his forearm to join us. “Very”. My grin however didn’t last. When I looked back to our table, I saw Zion all by himself. He looked bored, occasionally scrolling through his phone. “I’ll be right back” I told no one in particular before making my way over to the lone boy.

“Why so lonely, Kuwonu?” I nudged his arm. With a weak smile on his plump lips, he answered “Asya is preoccupied with her group of friends. I don’t really vibe with ‘em”. Nodding understandingly, I offered him to accompany me back to the others. “As long as you don’t hit the folks, we’re good” I playfully teased him. “Ha ha, very funny” Caleb sarcastically remarked. It was nice to talk to him without an attitude or tension building up. Maybe I overreacted a little bit in the last weeks. Having him around felt good, if you ignored the butterflies that erupted deep down in my stomach every time he looked at me or smiled his goofy grin. But we had our chance and it didn’t work out, that’s why I had to get over it. Better to have him as a friend than anything else. Right now, though, was about having fun and enjoying the company of good friends in a night that seemed to be endless.

The thing is, everything has an end. And so, I found myself in the booth of an old diner. The fake leather of the seats was peeling off and little bolts of cloth got stuck to our clothes. One of my legs was pressed against the window side, my other leg was touching Brandon’s involuntarily. Edwin thought a corner booth would totally suffice for all seven of us. Well, he thought wrong because now we were all huddled up, trying to get as comfortable as humanly possible with not much space between us left. Asya decided to not tag along, saying she was too tired from dancing with her friends all night.

“I hope they hurry up with our order, I’m starving!” Ansley sighed dramatically. Turns out, Austin was talking to her for weeks now, he just couldn’t build up the courage to ask her out yet. So, Edwin being Edwin, persuaded her to join our trip for a midnight-snack, claiming that “this pizza is going to be the best you’ve ever had!”. Judging from the interior design and the slack expression we were getting from the waiter, I highly doubted he was right. But then again, never underestimate Edwin.

“Okay, you were right. This is the best pizza I’ve ever had. Kudos to you, Ed” Ansley munched happily on her slice. Suspiciously examining the pieces in the center of the table, I couldn’t really put too much trust into her words. For some odd reason, the pizza had more grease on it than my face in the morning before washing it. “Just try it, she isn’t lying” Zion slid me a slice over. “If I die, tell Mama, Papa and the babies that I love ‘em” I told Ed before taking a bite. This was actually pretty good. Maybe not the best I’ve had, but it came close. “What makes this the best pizza in all of New York, though? It doesn’t taste that special”. The boys smirked knowingly, all eyes looking down trying to avoid my gaze. “It’s not necessarily the taste but rather the memories this place holds, you know? Back when we were younger, we’d spend our evenings after school here since our parents were working and we had no one to watch us in the meantime” Brandon nodded along to Edwin’s words, clearly remembering it all as if it had happened yesterday. “Can you imagine the mess we’d make?! Five little boys, full of energy rushing in to buy themselves some junk food, not a single care in the world” he paused for a moment, giving the others a short smile. The moment was filled with a melancholic retrospective feeling. “We literally grew up in this place. T’was safer to play and wait for our parents in here than at home or on the streets. I guess that’s what makes this so special to us” he shrugged. Sensing that he had finished the story, I nodded slowly, comprehending everything he just told me. “I like it here. Has charm to it”. Grinning widely, I took another bite to further prove my point.

People think of New York as this cool and hip city, with expensive luxurious apartments and such, but they seem to forget that not everyone is fortunate enough to live that life. Some of us have to learn from an early age that this world is full of bad people. Not everyone is going to wish you the best or give a helping hand. “We kinda are like OMB if you really think about it. Sure, no one is forcing us to join a gang or sum, but we do live a similar life” Zion threw in. “Actually, the weedhead might be onto something” B exclaimed. “You moving here out of nowhere” he said, pointing towards me. “Ed having to give up his room for you. A weird crackhead as a friend like Jamal” Now it was Edwin’s turn to be pointed at. “Hey! That’s rude! Besides, don’t do my bro Jamal like dat. He’s a great friend, always got their backs and shit” Ed tried to argue. “You’re a great friend, too. And an even better twin brother” I genuinely told him. A chorus of “Awwee”’s followed the round. “Now this is how you talk to friends! Take notes, ladies”. When he said ladies, he definitely wasn’t referring to me or Ansley.

The night itself turned out being amazing and I was glad that Edwin had convinced me to go to prom. We were talking about everything and nothing, really. Moments turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours, and soon it was already time to leave. Ansley had to be home soon, so Austin took it upon himself to make sure she would arrive there safely. Edwin was craving donuts from the corner shop across the street, but since he couldn’t be trusted on his own, Brandon decided to follow him. “Is B really the right fit to watch him not do any shenanigans?” Nick asked warily. “… honestly, talking from experience, I should probably go with ‘em before their sugar high kicks in”. With that, I was left alone with Zion in the booth of a run-down diner in the middle of New York. Despite being in one of the biggest cities, the world suddenly felt so small around me.

“So …” Zion said, looking around the place. “So …” I mimicked. Shaking his head, he just laughed. “This is low key awkward, not gonna lie”. It was true. In a group we no longer had trouble talking, however when alone it was a whole another story.

“I’m sorry”.

“You say sorry way too much”.

“Maybe. But this time I wanna apologize for attacking you with that kiss last week”.

“It’s all forgotten”.

His mouth opened and closed, scared to say something but I knew there still was something he wanted to get off his chest.

The bell above the door frame signaled the arrival of someone. “Guess what I gotchu guys?!” Edwin trotted over, taking a seat on the table, so that he had both me and Z on each of his sides. A small brown paper bag rested on his lap. With one swift movement, he pulled out some twizzlers, and shoved them in our hands. “And we also bought you make up wipes!” happily Brandon said in a sing-song voice. Fishing out the pack, he handed them over to me. “I love you guys!”. Nick walked in last. “Yo, I’m slowly getting tired. Can we drive home now?” sleepily he rubbed his eyes, already pulling on Zion’s sleeve. Reluctantly, Edwin followed behind, even though all he wanted was to eat his candy. His sugar high was still going in full force. Therefore, he didn’t feel an ounce of sleep.

“Why the fuck is he so bouncy?!”Austin asked. We had called him earlier to ask for his location, so that we could pick him up and drive home as well. He climbed up the Jeep, sitting next to an energetic Ed. “Twizzlers?” he offered to his friend. “No, thanks. Also, please stop smiling so creepily, you’re scaring me”. This was going to be a long drive.

Note: Part 4 will have more Zion moments. The plan is to have only one or two settings, so hopefully it’ll work out as planned.

I’d love to get some feedback, good or bad doesn’t matter!! What direction would you want this to go? How would you like this to end? Let me know!

Cami

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

All weird asks!! They're so good!

Sorry this is a bit late, babe! I wanted to wait til I had the opportunity to answer all these uninterrupted!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs! tbh I drink tea out of coffee mugs because who actually uses teacups? I mean my grandma has tons and I would use them, but the handles are so tiny and I am v clumsy so it scares me.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars!!! I’m too impatient for lollipops and plus they always get coated in saliva which just...drips down my chin since my mouth is already full.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum! I love cotton candy but I can only handle a bit at a time tbh. Also I haven’t had bubblegum in almost two years bc of braces and I miss it so much I can’t wait to have it again.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Okay, so even though I’ve always been homeschooled, when I was in elementary school we did this program with a ton of other homeschoolers where you could take actual classes and stuff. My teachers always said I was quiet and focused and studious, and you could always count on me to be lecturing everyone else on the instructions if they hadn’t been paying attention. (does any of that surprise anyone?)

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? GLASS SODA BOTTLES. nothing beats soda that’s been bottled in glass rather than plastic. You ever had orange cream soda from a glass bottle????? SLAPS ASS MY DUDE.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel/boho/preppy/goth, my dude. I have so many sides to my fashion and aesthetic.

7. earbuds or headphones?

EARBUDS BC HEADPHONES NEVER FIT OVER MY EARS RIGHT. BUT EARBUDS WITH SOFT TIPS BECAUSE MY EARS ARE TOO SMALL FOR THE PLASTIC ONES.

8. movies or tv shows?

Tv shows tbh because even though I can binge 4 eps of 45 minutes each per night, they’ll hold my attention a lot more than a movie. It’s weird.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Thunderstorms/petrichor, also natural bogs. PEAT BOG SMELL FUCKING SLAPS.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None. I liked trampoline time back when we took gymnastics, if that counts. I also liked jump roping and Irish step dancing.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Nothing lmao. I sleep til like noon and then I microwave something for lunch.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

My catchall playlist, Things I Love, my summer playlist, Summer Songs, my Gryffindor playlist, My Queen And Country playlist for writing, and my playlist for The Raven Cycle. (after I post this I’ll edit it and link them)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Keyring, a lanyard would like constantly detract from my outfit if that makes sense???

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Sour Patch Kids or Swedish Fish.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Between The Grapes Of Wrath, The Great Gatsby, The Handmaid’s Tale, and To Kill A Mockingbird!

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Just fucking sprawled every which way.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My grey converse if it’s comfortable out, my silver flip flops if it’s hot, and my fur-lined black combat boots if it’s cold.

18. ideal weather?

65-70 degrees, partly sunny, breezy, not humid.

19. sleeping position?

I need to sprawl to fall asleep, but once I’m asleep I curl up into a little ball.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop and notebook ONLY IF I’m sure of myself, which isn’t often. But I do write dense, scribbled paragraphs on sermon note pages if something comes to me during church lmao.

21. obsession from childhood?

The American Revolution, weather, astronomy, and mysteries/ghost stories.

22. role model?

Idk tbh? Lately I’m just trying to define and live up to my own standards?

23. strange habits?

Pulling the collar of my shirt up to my mouth and sucking on it. Also being a perfectionist in my writing. I don’t do messy drafts. It’s all perfect by the time I write it, and I edit/spellcheck as I go.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst (my birthstone), bismuth, opal, and blue goldstone.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Other than nursery rhymes/kid’s songs, it was Light Up The Sky by The Afters, or California Dreamin’ by The Mamas And The Papas.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Find shade/a cool spot and read with a cold drink.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

ALSO READ. And snuggle with thick socks and a cup of tea and play DS games all day.

28. five songs to describe you?

My five faves atm -

I Am Here // Pink

The Pines // Roses and Revolutions

Soldier, Poet, King // The Oh Hellos

Traveler’s Song // Aviators

Hymn // Kesha

29. best way to bond with you?

Share my interests about politics, history, books, true crime, paranormal, tv shows, and also be kind and understanding when I don’t text for long periods bc I don’t feel up to talking.

30. places that you find sacred?

The woods on the hill behind my house. Dense, deeply green, secluded woods. Hedge mazes. Old and crumbling castles. Anywhere beneath a clear sky and a full moon. Your heart when you’ve come to terms with your fears and made peace with yourself. Anyplace with historical significance. Bookstores on an autumn/winter day. Libraries.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A kickass plaid, bruh. Also my leather jacket - once I lose enough shoulder weight to fit in it again.

32. top five favorite vines?

Fre shavoc ado, the one where the dog eats the butterfly, the Lin-Manuel Miranda one where he’s brainstorming, “what the FUCK kind of weather is this, and the dad and son with the saxophone and the oven door.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“oh mood”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

“WOW! It’s NatureStone!”

35. average time you fall asleep?

Right now it’s 4-5 am because I suck.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

I Can Haz Cheezburger, My mom used to look at the website with me when I was like 10.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

They both have pros and cons. :/ Duffel bags are easier to carry but suitcases keep stuff from getting broken better.

38. lemonade or tea?

TEAAAAAAAAAAAA

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon meringue pie!!! my stepdad made a really good one the other week.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Nothing, since I was homeschooled. Same weird shit that always happens at home. Our safe word for when I got overwhelmed in math was “quokka” and we’d stop and look at cute quokka pictures.

41. last person you texted?

My gf :)

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets because things are not only hard to fit in girls’ pants pockets, but if you put a chapstick/lipstick in there it starts to melt :(

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

BETWEEN HOODIE AND CARDIGAN. SO VERSATILE. SO COMFY.

44. favorite scent for soap?

Irish Spring soap or the blue Dial bars smells better and cleaner than anything to me.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy. It can take me a bit to get into it, but once I do, I love it. I only do sci-fi if it has rebellion and isn’t heavy on the sci. And superhero movies are great but a lot of the tropes are meh. Fantasy has a lot more versatility if you ask me.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Sweatpants/leggings and a soft, well worn tee.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Parmesan, white cheddar, or Muenster.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Raspberry!

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“do no harm but take no shit.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

A really poorly edited political ad on tv a couple years ago. There was weird jazz playing, flames in the background of an image of the Capitol Building, and then the top of the dome opened and this guy’s face was inside. It is the single funniest ad I have ever seen and I laughed for 10 minutes so hard I was like an inch away from passing out.

51. current stresses?

Passing my driving test next month, getting a job, figuring out if my math skills are okay enough to take the SAT or an equivalent test.

52. favorite font?

Baskerville or Georgia!

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My fingernails are short bc I picked them while reading earlier, my cuticles suck bc I pick at those two, and my pinky is obliterated and scabbed because of when I accidentally sliced through the nail with a razor while shaving the other day. So, not great, but I’m living.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That kids can be really annoying but also really cute and hilarious if you can get them to calm down. And also that baby fingernails are surprisingly sharp.

55. favorite fairy tale?

The OG Princess and the Frog where it’s implied the prince and “faithful Henry,’ his carriage driver, fall in love and ride off together at the end. JACOB AND WILHELM GRIMM SAID GAY RIGHTS.

56. favorite tradition?

Every December, my mom and I drive around after dark at night and I play Pokemon and we rate everyone’s Christmas decorations based on tackiness.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

So isolated I was as a preteen/early teenager, my self harm, and the internalized anger over my abusive relationship and PTSD.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, puzzle solving, singing, and calligraphy.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Benvoli-no.” (I recently remembered I used to say that a lot and I need to bring it back)

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Dark, fairy tale anime with a lot of secrets to uncover and some dark woods.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

TV show - “I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” - Doctor Who

Movie - “It’s not about deserve. It’s about what you believe. And I believe in love.” - Wonder Woman

Book - “If you never saw the stars, candles were enough.” - The Dream Thieves, by Maggie Stiefvater

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dean Winchester - Supernatural

Sam Winchester - Supernatural

Jack Kline Winchester - Supernatural

Charlie Bradbury - Supernatural

Gansey - The Raven Cycle

Blue Sargent - The Raven Cycle

Hermione Granger - Harry Potter

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Final Song // MO

Call Home // Heathers

I Am Here // Pink

Babylon // 5 Seconds of Summer

Shake It Off // Taylor Swift

64. favorite website from your childhood?

WEBKINZ AND THE OLD AMERICAN GIRL WEBSITE

65. any permanent scars?

Yes, I have several that remain from self harm, scars all over my left knee from being a clumsy child, and most of all a major scar down the center of my chest from heart surgery when I was a baby.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Rose, lavender, lilac, and dahlia.

67. good luck charms?

Not really???

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Olives, mushrooms, radishes, cottage cheese, and ranch dressing are all foul.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Martin Luther didn’t actually nail his 95 theses to the church door, he just kind of passed them around, which is a lot less dramatic tbh. Also light-up signs were first used in New York City in 1884.

70. left or right handed?

I’m left-handed!

71. least favorite pattern?

I think zebra stripes, leopard print, and houndstooth are super ugly.

72. worst subject?

Math for sure. Even science would be easier if it didn’t involve so much math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Wendy’s fries and chocolate frosty!!!

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I think a 7, usually. My pain tolerance is pretty high because of a) years of self harm, and b) due to my PTSD my muscles are constantly tense and in pain anyway.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I was 4, and it had been loose but it fell out when I was trying to blow up an inflatable ball.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Fries or roasted potatoes that are charred and crunchy on the bottom. Chips are a close third.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Idk, my grandma’s the one with the green thumb mania lmao. But She keeps a lot of violets and arrowhead plants in the windowsills!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

NEITHER I HATE BOTH COFFEE AND SUSHI IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Never had a school ID, but my temporary license photo is actually pretty good right now!

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

I really like earth tones for myself.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

THEY ARE THE SAME MF THING. Also I call them both, it just depends on what comes out of my mouth haha.

82. pc or console?

PC, I guess, though I don’t really game. I just watch my stepdad game.

83. writing or drawing?

WRITING. I cannot draw to save my life.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts, talk radio is so annoying.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, although I loved both.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology I guess??? Although again, I love both.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

COOKIESSSSS

87. your greatest fear?

Rejection, losing people I love, people secretly hating me. Also drowning, spiders, clowns, and guns.

88. your greatest wish?

To be a semi-successful author and work in a library/museum.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom and my gf.

90. luckiest mistake?

Almost dropping a knife blade first on my foot but it landed between my toes.

91. boxes or bags?

um boxes I guess? I’m really good at fitting things in tetris style.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

FAIRY LIGHTS AND DIM YELLOW LAMPS.

93. nicknames?

Ell, Alexander, Ellie, Little Lion, and Nerd.

94. favorite season?

FALL FALL FALL FALL

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr or Spotify. Two apps I couldn’t live without.

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

About a half dozen. Mine, my mom’s, my stepdad’s, my grandparents’ home number, my grandpa’s, and my grandma’s.

98. favorite historical era?

Both the American Revolutionary period and the Victorian Era (esp in Britain)

THANK YOU LOVE THIS WAS SUPER FUN

[pumpkinspicejackotaco-blog]

In Your Arms Again// TRR oneshot

HELLO. MY NAME IS PUMPKINSPICEJACKOTACO BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ASSHOLE. THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FAN FICTION TO BE WRITTEN ON TUMBLR. I HAVE A WATTPAD TOO BUT I DON'T USE IT AS MUCH ANYMORE. ANYWAYS. THIS IS ABOUT MY MC (Lily Josephine Brooks) WHO HAS BEEN AWAY IN IRAQ AND DIDN'T TELL LIAM AND SHE COMES BACK AND YADAYADAYADA. ENJOYYYYYYYY

××××××××××××××storystartshere××××××××××

Lily stepped off the plane at Fort Bragg Air Force base and ran a tanned hand over her chestnut hair. The terminal was awash with people, families holding signs for their loved ones but like every tour, Lily was alone. After grabbing a crappy coffee from one of the machines, she turned on her phone to find 3 missed calls; one from Maxwell, one from Hana and one from Drake.

With a tired sigh she opened the messaging app and texted Maxwell;

FROM- Lil Blossom 🌸🌸🌸 TO- Max the Dancing Unicorn 🦄🦄🦄

🌸 heyy it's me. Just landed, flight leaves from Raleigh-Durham at 1438. I should land around noon your time.

🦄 SWEEEEEET. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU BOO! I'LL GET YOUR ROOM PREPPED AT RAMSFORD ASAP.

🌸 thanks dude. Can we have pizza?

🦄 anything for my little blossom.

🌸 great. Gotta go. Love youuu

🦄 love you too baby sis

Lily looked up to find her "mother", Lynette peeping over her shoulder.

"Going back to Cordonia?" She grinned.

"Where else? Liam and Madeleine are over and my name is a cleared." Lily grinned back, showing her ever so slightly twisted canines. Her smile wasn't perfect as she had grown up in an orphanage but everyone she met found it adorable.

" Are you forgetting you never told him?" Lynette quizzed, sounding sceptical.

"Hana told him I needed space and that I was staying with family. Both of which are true." She shrugged.

"Fair enough. Do you wanna grab some food? We have five hours til you need to be at the airport and Tom and the kids won't get here for another 90 minutes." Lynette said, hugging Lily.

"Let's do it. McDonalds or Starbucks?"

×××××LeTimeSkipApprox2HoursLater×××××

Lily and Lynette sat on a bench in a local park, watching Lynette's two, four year old sons; Harry and Milo play tag. They were still in their uniforms as neither had brought appropriate civvies with them, it was calm, peaceful almost and the fall sun shone through the fiery red branches.

"Makes the distance worth it right? Seeing them play without worrying about terrorists and bombs tryna blow them up." Lily stated, smiling softly at the two ginger boys.

"Certainly does." Lynette nodded.

First Sergeant Lynette Danvers was a tall, willowy woman of 37 with short blonde corkscrew curls and deep blue eyes that were intelligent. She had joined the Army at age 20 after doing two years in community college studying art. Her husband, Tom was an architect of 40 and stood at around six foot. He had met Lynette when she was 23 at a bar in New Orleans during mardi gras and it had been love at first sight. Their relationship had never been easy, as Lynette had devoted her time to the Army. Two years later, he had proposed in Miami and they had married a year later in Lynette's home town of St.Pauls a year later. Three years later, Lynette would meet the scared 18 year old Lily Josephine Brooks on the runway at Camp Bastian.

They had bonded instantly, Lily and Lynette, both had had troubled childhoods and Lily felt soothed by Lynette's prescence. They bonded even more after the death of Harry Rourke, a close friend and once more when Lynette invited Lily back to St Pauls for Christmas with her and Tom. Since then, they'd been inseparable.

Tom walked over, holding paper cups of hot chocolate and smiled fondly at them.

"I barely see you these days Lil." He said.

"You know I'm only a phone call away Tom." Lily grinned.

"Still."

"I can't believe how big the boys are now." She shook her head.

"I can't believe they have more stamina than a platoon of trained soldiers." Lynette scoffed.

"Hey!" Lily gasped.

Tom chuckled and shook his head. "That'll be you in a few years."

"Yeah I hope so. But if the people hate me then there's no point. Liam needs to do what's best for Cordonia." She sighed.

"Your happiness matters too you know." Lynette soothed.

"Well if it doesn't work out then I'm going on another bajillion tours. They're easier to deal with than a bunch of angry Cordonians."

"You'll be fine. Just think. In like 23 hours you'll be back there with your friends." Tom smiled.

Lily chuckled. "Oh yes."

××××××3×hours×later××××××××RDU×××××××

Lily said her goodbyes to her friends and walked through the security gate, excited to be starting a new chapter in her life.

16 hours later, Lily touched down at Kenna International Airport, just outside of Cordonia's capital, Stormholt. She was still in her uniform which made matters awkward when she was greeted by a bunch of photographers.

"Lady Lily, where have you been?"

"Lady Lily, are you happy your name is cleared?"

"I'll release an official statement later, but you'll have to excuse me for a moment. I've not slept in 4 days and I'm running off of coffee and protein bars. Thank you for your time." She rushed, spotting Bertrand and Maxwell outside waiting for her next to a black range rover. She climbed into the passenger seat and Maxwell pulled away from the screaming paparazzi.

Meanwhile in the palace, King Liam sat in a living room, drinking tea with Regina and his father, the news was on in the background. They were sat discussing Leo's most recent antics when Regina froze, picked up the remote and turned the volume up on the television.

"This just in, Lady Lily Brooks or should we say, Sergeant Lily Brooks is back in Cordonia. The woman, who was a victim of a major press scandal back in December was seen walking through Kenna International wearing full US Army uniform and carrying a rucksack. When confronted by the press, she issued this statement.;"

The screen flashed to Lily walking through the airport with bags under her eyes and her cheeks looking noticeably slimmer, her cap was on her head and a few sneaky strands had slipped out from her bun. Liam gasped.

Lily had obviously lost weight and there was a visible healing cut above her left eye. She looked so tiny and warrior like in her uniform which was dusty and wrinkled from travel, yet he had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life.

"I'll release an official statement later, but you'll have to excuse me for a moment. I've not slept in 4 days and I'm running off of coffee and protein bars. Thank you for your time." Her voice. Oh her voice! It was like a choir of angels to his ears.

He lunged for his phone and texted Maxwell.

FROM- Kingy King Liam 😉 to Maxwell Beaumont 🦄

😉 is Lily with you?

🦄 yaaaaaa but she's drivin ATM. Can I pass a message on?

😉 don't you have Bluetooth?

🦄 ohh yeah. Btw why don't you text her yoself?

😉 she blocked my number after the first 100 calls...

🦄 AHAHAHAHAHAHA

😉 it's not funny Maxwell!!!

🦄 IT LIKE TOTEZ IS

😉 let me speak to her

🦄 one sec imma askkkkk

🦄 yeah iss kewl

Regina and Constantine looked on at the anxious king who held his phone to his ear.

"Lily?" He began, putting her on speaker.

"Hey you." She said softly, while tears streamed down Liam's cheeks.

He took a deep breath. "How are you?" He asked, running a hand through his already tousled hair.

"Fine. Not slept in four days but apart from that life's good." She said clearly.

"Why the blazes are you driving then!? You could crash!" Came the voice of Bertrand.

"Calm your ass Bert. I'm fine." Lily sassed back at him.

Regina flinched at the use of Lily's choice of words.

"Don't call me Bert." Threatened Bertrand.

"Or what? You gonna spit out your tea and challenge me to a duel?"

Maxwell snorted in the background while Constantine chuckled.

Liam sat there frozen as the bickering continued, along with the odd curse from Lily at idiotic drivers.

Bertrand cleared his throat. "Perhaps, your majesty and the dowager king and queen would care to join us at Ramsford for a few days."

"If that is an invitation Duke Ramsford then we would be delighted to accept." Liam said professionally.

"MAX YOU ASSHOLE I'M TRYING NOT TO CRASH YOUR GODDAMN CAR!" Lily screamed.

Regina looked as if she was about to faint.

"THAT IS ENOUGH YOU TWO! Your majesty, I am terribly sorry, they will be SEVERELY reprimanded upon return to the Estate." Bertrand blabbered.

"Ooh kinky." Maxwell snorted.

The sounds of Lily's delightful laughter echoed in the room, before Bertrand ended the call.

ANOTHER DUCKING TIME SKIP BECAUSE I SUCK ASS. THIS TIME IT'S THREE DAYS. LILY HAS SPENT HER TIME SLEEPING AND TALKING WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST.

Liam thrust open the door of the SUV he had been travelling in, exiting before Bastien had even gotten the chance to scan the perimeter. He was dressed in his regular suit, hair perfectly styled. But to him, looks didn't matter. What mattered was the 5,2 woman that stood on the front steps of the elegant manor.

Lily, to him, was breathtaking. Half of her hair was pulled back from her face in a loose bun, the rest curling down her back like a river of autumn that shone brightly in the early morning light. Her eyes, a shade of blue that rivalled the waters of Portavira locked with his own and he couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. The corner of her nude lips rose, just a little. But enough for him to catch his breath. She wore a navy blue shirt dress and a grey cashmere cardigan with black tights and light brown ankle boots.

She stood with Maxwell and her precious corgi, Pumpkin who dozed at her feet.

Bertrand stepped forward after Regina and Constantine had gotten out and welcomed them politely before gesturing for Lily and Max to follow.

Liam was done waiting. He rushed forward and caught her in his arms, spinning her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and giggled.

"Oh god. Oh god." He murmured.

"I'm so sorry." She sobbed.

"No. It's fine. I'm glad you're safe but this can't wait."

"What can't?" She asked.

"Lily Josephine Brooks. I have loved you since day one and I will be damned if I cannot see your face every day for the rest of my life." He began, looking at his father who gave him a nod.

He got down on one knee and produced the ring from his pocket.

"Will you do me the honour of being my wife and being the queen of Cordonia?" He asked, tears pooling in his eyes.

She nodded. "Yes. Yes. A THOUSAND TIMES YES!" She yelled the last part and he slid the ring on her finger before picking her up again, the world disappearing. As it always did when they were together.

[yetanothersterekblog]

Thanks @jadorehale​ for tagging me! I’ve never done a tag meme like this one so this was pretty fun XD

last sentence tag

I love you too.

-From my 2018 sterek reverse bang piece cuz I’m taking a little writing break from pulling out almost 14k words in a week.

AO3 tag game

WHAT IS YOUR TOTAL WORD COUNT ON AO3?

151,764 words............. It used to be around 250k but I deleted this 100k wip that I hadn’t touched in 3 years and just didn’t like anymore....... what am I even doing with my life man.....

HOW OFTEN DO YOU WRITE?

Honestly not very? I kind of have these writing sprees where I don’t stop writing for like a full 2 weeks and spew out 20k words but then I don’t touch any of my fics for like 3 months so it really depends. Forcing myself to write when I’m not feeling inspired is such a frustrating process so I just wait for the inspo to hit me and try to do as much as I can in that time XD

DO YOU HAVE A ROUTINE FOR WRITING?

Yep!

1- List of characters with their background story (including hobbies, major life events, significant others, general personality traits, etc.)

2- General plot points/details of the story (ex: coffee shop AU, person A owns a coffee shop, person B works as a dog walker, person B walks past the coffee shop while walking the dogs one day and a dog pounces of person A, person A gets drenched in hot coffee, and so on)

3- Create a brief summary for each scene (ex: Scene 1- {Person A POV} person A wakes up and sees that there’s a hot stranger in bed with them. They start freaking out since they can’t remember what happened the night before and proceed to call their friend who was at the party with them to ask if they knew what happened. They start pacing around the kitchen as the phone rings. They feel arms wrap around their waist and drop the phone in a panic.)

4- Start actually writing the scenes!

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE KINKS/TROPES/PAIRING?

Kinks - I’m a sucker for praise kink, power bottoms, and just really sweet and mushy sex with a truck load of feels cuz my needy soul wants validation.

Trope- Oof I have so many but I guess my top favs have to be soulmate au, mafia au, high school/college au, enemies to friends to lovers, model aus, arranged marriage, and historic aus :P

Pairing- My boys Stiles and Derek are staying strong

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FIC OF YOURS?

Hmmmmmmmmm I’d say my personal fav would have to be my sterek fic Fine cuz it’s not like any other fic I’ve ever written and really challenged me as a writer because it’s so short yet tells a story strong enough to move some of my readers to tears and I’m just really proud that my writing could cause someone to feel such intense emotions.

YOUR FIC WITH THE MOST KUDOS?

That would be The Little Spark which is a fic I wrote purely cuz I thought the sterek fandom needed more de-aged fics cuz they are just too cute and it currenlty has 2k kudos which is totally insane! Seriously, this fandom is too awesome.

ANYTHING YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING?

I suck at fight scenes. Like. Dialogue and emotions and feelings are right up my alley but fighting and action and physical movements that can give the feeling of a real battle just don’t work with me. I don’t know why I just suck at writing action scenes.

NOW SOMETHING YOU DO LIKE (ABOUT YOUR WRITING)?

I like my story telling abilities. When I write a story to my full potential I come up with some great scenes and my pacing is really good when I don’t have a deadline trying to eat my procrastinating ass.

ship tag game…

First ship you ever read fic for: I think it was Italy/Germany from Hetalia back when I was an itty bitty 6th grader

First ship you ever wrote fic for: Drarry

Ship you write the most now: Sterek

Ship you read the most now: Sterek, Klance, and Malec

Newest ship: Klance

Rare ship you want to read more of: some more freaking gratsu (Gray/Natsu from Fairy Tale) would be great but I haven’t read fics for them in years

Your taboo ship: Uhh I really don’t know? I don’t consider any of my ships taboo but if I had to pick I’d say Johnlock? Cuz John is a married man but idek dude I just love all my pairings and don’t care about canon whatsoever

They never met in canon ship: Hmmm not sure if this counts but I ship Chloe/Nathaniel from Miraculous Ladybug and even tho they’ve met in canon they’ve had no actual interactions. I just think Queen Bee being with my shy tomato son would be cute XD

Your unexpected ship: Otabek/Yuri

The ship you always forget to give love to: VICTUURI I’VE BEEN NEGRETING MY BABES AND I AM SO SORRY I DON’T MEAN TO I JUST FORGET OKAY

Ship your OC with a canon character (if applicable): Nah I ship my ocs with each other not canon characters

A ship you’re embarrassed to ship: I think I have one but I’m honestly don’t sure? I can’t think of one atm

Your most romantic ship: ADRIENETTE BECAUSE THOSE LITTLE CINNAMON ROLLS ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER AND THEY’RE SUCH SWEET LITTLE BEANS I LOVE THEM

Your sexiest ship: Sterek

Your most tragic ship: Oof I’m gonna go with Castiel on this one. Those boys need major help.

A ship you want more content for: I’d very much appreciate some more Cherik content (Charles/Erik from X-men)

I tag: @pale-silver-comb ​ @novemberhush ​ @celestialvoid-fanfiction ​ @ajeepandleather ​ @gfdisterek ​and anyone else who wants to do it can say that I tagged them cuz it was actually pretty fun ;)

[renewingagain]

sunday 27th june 2021 // 4:18pm

everything hurts atm

my anxiety is getting really bad Papa and i really don't know why there is this constant pit of 'eurgh' in my stomach

there are so many issues that i need to work out in my life, as mae says in feel good my brain feels like 'empty mismatched boxes of tupperware and their lids just tumbling around in my head like a tumble dryer' or something like that. RELATE !!!!!

what is it that is supposedly wrong in my life? because:

i have a job. granted its not great, but i have one

i'm (currently) living for very cheap with people who are looking after me

i have some friends. not many, but some

but there are people who love me and care about me

i'm physically in good health. i have no disease, no ailments. i'm not physically disabled, i don't have cancer or anything (sorry i'm just watching Clouds and the guy has cancer in it)

but mentally, im in such a bad place i feel

these are the things i am always worrying about:

- work, i get scared that i'll do the wrong thing or when customers shout at me / complain, i can never find a good resolution for them. plus the hours ARE so long

- sex. i worry that im not desirable enough, that i don't have a great body. i worry because i didn't sleep around enough. because i had phimosis it was something to work through but now i have performance anxiety. even though i find (whoever) attractive it just won't really work but i don't know why. do i really want to fuck them?

whenever i hear of guys having a lot of sex, or talk about how they had a lot of sex in the past because they could, or that they can even fuck someone, i get really jealous and also feel loser-ish because i can't seem to do that right now. it feels really embarassing, but i don't always just wanna bottom! don't get me wrong, i love it but i know how good it feels and wanna give that to other guys. especially if i end up in a relationship.

relationship - how on god's green earth is this going to work when this time comes. who do i even want? how will this work with my family (namely mum) and things like church? people that i know? even though some of my family are fine with it, it would still be weird introducing them to my cousins or whatever. i don't truly know how they all feel about it and i don't want to be looked at differently.

what about when it comes to marrying a guy? i don't want that day to be filled with dread and anxiety, what if my mum or my bibi or people don't want to come because they don't support it? like that is so hurtful isn't it. this cruel divide between sexuality and some religions. but maybe it will be filled with this feeling. although mum doesn't really treat me bad for it, i can't ever see her warming up to the idea of me marrying a man as she is quite religious. and i absolutely do not want whoever i'm seeing to feel like they can't be a part of my family, or feel as though some people in my family see them as evil. i couldn't bring that to the person i love.

insecurity - we have mentioned bodily insecurity and feeling undesirable, but i feel like this sort of applies in every day life too with just anyone that i meet. sometimes i just feel really lame? and i've literally forgotten how to socialise too. i never know what to talk about with people, i feel like i've always ran out of things to say. i'm not entirely into most things that people are into like general TV or movies. i always feel really awkward and socially stunted. i never used to be this way so i don't know where this has come from. anxiety really comes into play here, but i honest to God (u lol) don't know why and i can't pinpoint it.

MUSIC - this sucks atm. i can't sing the way i used to, and it's not like im doing dreamflower anymore as that kinda no longer exists. i can't songwrite or anything, and i know things can be done about this and it just takes a lot of trying. but i'm so wiped out. from dealing with mental health issues i just don't have the energy to pursue this anymore, which is such a shame as it really brought me such joy, but i don't know what to do with this anymore. i'm not even singing in church either

church - i'm not going to church anymore, i really don't like it. it feels so superficial and same-y, it feels like people in church are just wrapped up in their emotions, a good feeling. hype. church used to be such a big part of my life, but i can't bear it anymore. it doesn't help with the gay stuff either. but i don't want to go to a church where it's just worship and a cute sunday message, that doesn't help me in my walk as a christian or my relationship with God at all, it's just a nice feeling that then just passes by and that's it. it's pointless for me at this point.

God - where are u man? i don't even know who you are or if you are real or how to approach you. i guess maybe this is the biggest thing? but it's also the most underlying so i don't know how to deal with this. i don't know where to begin. it feels like such a chore to strike this relationship up again or to just approach you. i don't know what to do if you are not real. i need you but i need you to reveal yourself to me.

what am i to do with all of this? it's all so much for my heavy heart to bear. i feel emotion so deeply within me, and i don't know what to do with all this. where do i start? who can i process this with? do i need to see a counsellor? i'm scared to share how i truly feel with people as they will probably think i am weird.

but at the same time, i know what i kinda want to do in life.

"Your purpose is to help others and love" is what my current phone background says, and it's very true. i just have to love people because people deserve love, and i do not need to get anything from it. as zach said in clouds "I just wanna make people happy" like that is literally me. people deserve joy and love.

having said this, why am i not applying this to myself? why don't i love myself? i think i am a very special person and rejection shouldn't phase me, but it does. annoyingly i have periods where i do feel this way and everything feels a bit clearer, but then these are fleeting and i soon feel bad again.

the worst is when i wake up in the morning. i have a brief few seconds of feeling normal, and then, just dread and anxiety. "oh it's just another day of nothingness and sans-meaning" i tell myself, and i just have to get through. what is the point, truly?

furthermore, i don't understand why when i have a drink or smoke some weed, i then just feel normal? i don't feel my problems or anything in my head, i feel still. why must i rely on that to make me feel better? why can't i just feel normal? i don't want to become a weed addict, as smoking is not good for you. i don't understand. am i really ill or something? am i NOT right in the head? do i have an anxiety disorder that i've never been made aware of before or is a recent development?

maybe i should see a doctor or call the employee assistance program. but my god i am so sad. i simply do not know what to do.

G (me and u) we need a game plan. we need to fix this. i should not be living like this.

i really need to love myself and just take it easy. but please help me god, if you are there, otherwise i don't know what to do.

g, you have to understand that you are dealing with so much that i guess not many people deal with (well, there probably are, but who wants to be vocal about all this hey?) but i know i need to be the strong one.

going back to the church and LGBT, i say this so many times but there must be so many LGBT+ kids like myself who share these expereiences to an extent, and to be shut off from the church where they should supposedly find comfort? unacceptable. this is something that I must change as it's really not fair. maybe my whole life will become a research project into this. LGBT people deserve far better than what they have had.

God, i literally cannot do this without you. i guess it all revolves around you at the end of the day.

help.

note to self: start drafting a game plan. use sticky notes by your bed to remind yourself like you used to. but also don't always be so deep, take it easy and enjoy your life man.

- G

[briteboy]

tips & tricks & lou theories. and this:

be that daddy --> GIANNI

i agree

Hey just a random thought: I feel like bb Fiona would really like the book Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor. I don’t know why I think so, but I feel like she’d be v interested

ooh i just read the blurb on goodreads and i am intrigued! now it’s on my to-read list lol. i feel like she would be into it too, and ramona as well when she gets older! thank you for the book rec <3

heyyy!! okay so i'm completely new to your blog but i love every single thing about it already, and you editing !!! is so !!! perfect !!!

HEY!!! THANK YOU!!! THIS IS SO SWEET!!! I LOVE U

Hello! I was wondering how you got your sims to teleport onto the roof on your watching the stars posts with Lou? Sorry if you don’t understand 😅

it’s not the actual roof of the apartment she lives in lmao, it’s another building on an actual editable lot that just looks like an apartment building! so i just put the teleporters on the ground of the top floor

I want to start writing stories using the sims. But I don’t know where to start. How did you get started? :)

i see you put this in other people’s inboxes too haha, probably for the best because my answer to this is always just “wing it” and i know that’s absolutely no help but...that’s just how i do things. here’s a semi-real answer: make sure you’re comfortable playing the game, you know how everything works (especially posing), and even if you don’t think you’re the best at setting up scenes or whatever right now, don’t sweat it, you’ll get better. you’ll get better at everything the more you do it. not everyone is a strict story planner like i am, so this part may be optional, but just make sure you at LEAST have a rough idea of where you want your story to go, most of the big events that will shape the plot, and if you get stuck on the details and the in-betweens, don’t worry, you can work on them as you go along. then get acquainted with your characters. the sims is an awesome vehicle for storytelling because it makes this part easy! you can literally just play with your sims and observe them and think of their personalities along the way. i was scared to start santi’s story because at the time, no one really told sims stories in the way that i wanted to...but i did it anyway because it was the only way i felt was right for me. so just do what feels right for you.

ABJFBDSJK ok pls i am so horrible at taking pictures of my story posts at good angles and you're so good????? pls tips i wanna hug u for making me do a story OK

OMG I SUCK AT ANSWERING THIS I’M SORRY!!! i’m so glad you’re doing a story tho i’m proud of you the thing is, you might think you suck, but you probably don’t! and even if you do, you’ll get better! you just have to experiment with different things while you’re in tab mode (i’m assuming you know about that, and the tab controls, if not, read here) oh and i always zoom in while in tab mode because otherwise objects get this weird fisheye effect if you move closer to them. but yeah just try to think outside the box like “hmm what if i focus on this plant while those sims are in the background?” stuff like that. try to find the most dynamic shots that capture your own interest, because then you can probably guarantee it’ll capture others’ interest as well.

i visit your blog so much it's "saved" in chrome hahahkajdsad

LMAO THAT’S ME WITH MY FRIENDS’ BLOGS!! i always feel like no one visits my actual blog but then i’ll change one of the sidebar pics and i’ll immediately get an anon like “i saw that” and i’ll be like

Do you have a RESOURCES list? <3

I DON’T but i should, i’ll probably do that when i redo my faq. i’ve linked to all the creators i like before, but i’m gonna take the time to actually organize them and make ‘em look nice ok? ok

I never really got into horoscopes and such, but I decided to check out what it said for me on DailyHoroscopes anyway bc i'm curious af. Turns out it's pretty damn accurate.. (i'm a scorpio btw)

YESSS i love that app. usually it applies to what i’m dealing with on a daily basis. and hey it’s ur season! happy season 2 u

perhaps lou’s ex tried to kill her by asphyxiation but lou was able to gain control and strangle HIM to death. idk i just really like the idea of that?? -m

hmm...perhamps...

I GOT IT!: ITS CALLED CHOKER BECAUSE LOU'S EX MAN (FIONA'S DAD) GOT HER A CHOKER THEN USED IT TO CHOKE HER THATS WHY SHE GOT THE FAINT SCAR IN THE MIRROR SCENE

maybe ur onto somethin...

teenage lou: *exists* me: hot

SHE IS 13 RIGHT NOW SLOW YOUR HORSES

wait hear me out... Lou and Fiona’s Dad liked to choke each other, it went wrong one night and Lou killed her ex and buried him in the woods

I’m the anon who said Lou killed her ex and buried him in the woods... on a more serious note I’m thinking Lou was assaulted by a guy who held a knife to her throat/choked her with something that would leave a scar, conceived Fiona and decided to keep her despite the circumstances of her conception. I’m right aren’t I? *wiggles brows*

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm all i’m gonna say is it’s interesting you say the woods 🤔

How common is heterochromia in real life?

just call me google i guess apparently 6 out of 1000 people have it which is more common than i thought, but also most cases aren’t as noticeable

how do you make your sims look so realistic???!! i'm struggling!!

good skins! lots of skin details! answered here

ok so I read a serious case of the novembers while listening to a song called the story never ends by Lauv and now every time I listen to it Santi immediately comes to my mind i can't live with it. jk I love Santi

i love song suggestions so much!! thank you! i’m listening to this now and: “that’s who you are / crash the car / and blame the road” .....................wow ok u ain’t gotta come 4 for me like dat i can’t live with it either, i get like that with this song omg i cannot listen to it without thinking of santi leaving fiona in the dust lmao. fuck you santi

I was one of the anons who sent you an ask abt the skin tutorial thing? And I just wanna say that I only sent one ask, and the other one was someone else who has eerily similar ideas to me!!

lmao omg well i hope i satisfy the two of you when i eventually do it!! emphasis on eventually because life is eating me atm

i just read your entire story in 3 hours and leMME TELL YOU I CRIED LIKE SEVENTEEN TIMES UHHHHHNNNG

3 HOURS OMFDG THAT’S A NEW RECORD I’M SORRY I MADE U CRY THO :{

Okay I don't know if you're gonna care about this at all but I'm starting a story soon, and for my characters to be more, well developped, I thought I would work on some astrology stuff (even though I don't know shit about it) and so I immediatly thought of you because reasons. So I went to that website you linked a lot and entered a (quite random if I may) birth day for that sim- 2nd January 1994 along with the time (which again was random) 1/2

And the place of birth, which was the only thing I knew for sure and the description I got for her is so accurate??? And I have no idea how the fuck I managed that shit because it was all so rANDOM AND IM V CONFUSED RIGHT NOW LMAO (I mean it even got the fact she's probably a med student??? What is this sorcery???) I guess I just wanted to thank you! Oh and in case you wanted to know (which I doubt but eh) She was born in Mexico at 00:13 on the 2nd of january 1994 and I love her 2/2

YESSSS I LOVE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!!! i’m so glad it fit your character! i did that with a story of mine before i really got into astrology, it was when i just like...FELT like certain characters matched certain months. i had their birthdays but i didn’t know much about astrology at the time so when i looked up their birth charts after kickstarting my zodiac knowledge i was floored because everything matched up so well and also filled in the missing pieces. i’m so happy it worked out for you :’) i love her too ok

>:(

[thatlittledandere]

I was tagged twice so I’ll smash both sets of questions here and only make one myself (one set, not one question) (also I’m putting a cut under the rules this is gonna be long let’s hope it’ll work on mobile too)

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write eleven new ones. Tag eleven people to answer your questions as well as the person who tagged you.

Let’s take @magiccatprincess‘s questions first :>

1. What’s the food you’d never give up?

oh gosh... I don’t know? Sorry D:

2. What’s your favorite anime opening?

FUCK this how is a poor me supposed to choose... No clue let’s say Dragon Ball GT (English) opening because it holds a lot of sentimental value.

3. Do you believe in aliens?

I mean I suck at math but it must be pretty bloody unlikely that in the whole wide universe we’re the only living organisms.

4. How about ghosts?

No except when I hear people’s stories firsthand, then I do. Then I’ll go back to not believing in like thirty minutes lmao

5. Which fictional universe would you like to live in?

You don’t understand how much thought I’ve put into this ever since elementary school!! I always try to pick those where normal civilians (not the heroes the stories focus on) are relatively safe. At the moment I could mention Boueibu because it’s very much our world + intergalactic television which the background plebs don’t know about. And there would be a chance to meet my faves, if just off-screen :D

6. Which fictional character would you like to meet and why?

Alright you know what? You know what. Karamatsu. I would fucking meet fucking Karamatsu I don’t give a shit let me test my limits with the blue sequin man.

Fucking hell

7. Got any fanfic recs?

DO I

I have too many and I’ve already screamed about my faves before (hey I’ll add the link again)

I discovered Matsustuck recently and it’s great, it captures the overall atmosphere of BOTH OSOMATSU-SAN AND HOMESTUCK PERFECTLY  and holy shit

8. Ever read a line in fanfic that made you reconsider canon?

Most likely? Can’t think of any examples atm but yeah I’m pretty sure I have at some point.

9. Which super power would you like?

I’ll never give up on my dream of being able to fly miss me with that reasoning of why so many abilities would be ore useful

10. Are you good with kids?

No;;; A few years ago I was an instructor on a few children’s camps and they went pretty well but usually, no. Babies are known to start crying from glancing at my face.

11. Ever ate an insect?

We’ve all been kids so most likely yea

Then to @floweryuu‘s part ^^ 

1. What’s your favourite character

this dude right here with his ugly-ass sunglasses

2. What’s your favourite video game if you play them

I’m not sure what the official definition of a video game is but Mystic Messenger? If mobile games don’t count then Undertale I guess. I don’t play much ^^;

3. Any Anime reconmendation?

I was on a massive Lovely Complex mood yesterday so I’ll rec it! It’s my favorite romantic comedy that goes from rivals to friends to unrequited crush to a couple and doesn’t end in the getting together, and it’s an absolute delight the whole time :D plus Seiko the best girl

4. This may sound weird but what do you think about mashed potatoes on hotdogs?

I’ve never heard of this what the fuck

5. Do you like pringles?

OH YES ABSOLUTELY

6. What’s your favourite flower?

I love dandelions please don’t be a bitch and tell me they’re weeds I’ve grown up surrounded by adults I know

7. What do you think of Ryuu zaou?

He’s adorable and wonderful and I’d love to befriend him but I have good canon reasons to believe he acts very differently around girls than his male friends and no I don’t want him to play this Charismatic Mr. Worlwide I want the real dorky hothead

8. What do you think about Ryuu in dresses/skirts?

He looks great in them and apparently feels too, he should wear them more often

9. What about him in flowers in his hair?

I’m sensing a pattern here really one of Ryuu’s best qualities is how he embraces everything cute and pretty without shame so of course flowers in his hair is great

10. Favourite moment in anime?

Is this about... any anime in general... or something specific? we all know what that something specific is Not that it really matters Ryuu and Io having a massive fight that was basically all “no I love you more” is the greatest thing to happen in animation history

11. What’s your favourite thing you own can be anything?

Oh FUCK idk my denim backpack?? Do I even own it strictly speaking it’s mom’s and I just took a liking to it a few years ago and have been holding it ever since and it’s not like mom got it in COMPLETELY convenient way either, somebody had left it in a locker room in a school she used to go to and it was there for weeks and nobody seemed to miss it so mom just picked it up

ok my questions then!

Who’s the first fictional crush you remember having?

Name one of your favorite artists, the field of art and whether they’re a professional or not doesn’t count

Can you swim?

How many languages do you speak?

Do you have irl friends you can talk about fandoms with?

Do you enjoy dating sims or character x reader fics?

What kind of music did you like as a kid and do you still like it now?

What do you think was the cringiest hairstyle you’ve ever had?

What was your first social media account?

What’s something you’re always ready to learn more about?

Do you have a song you listen to when you’re feeling bad or need to calm down?

Ok I’ll tag you two back, then @kuudessilma, @crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer, @amateurcatalyst, @angry-jewish-magical-girl, @president-frankenstein, @mercysorrows, @kissanpiru, @wildelectrictype and @lightlysaltedpretzle

[tis-me-riri]

All of em sweetheart :)

1. What are your hobbies?

Gaming, reading, writing sometimes. Basketball.

2. If you could have dinner with any 3 living or dead people, who would they be and why?

Living: my friend megan. cuz we talks about everything and anything and thats fun. Can’t think of anyone else tbh Dead: probably my grandfather. I dont have a third sorry.

3. What makes you laugh?

Honestly I laugh all the time. everything makes me laugh. its my way of trying to cope with my crippling anxiety most of the time.

4. What was the last good thing that happened to you?

My friend at work gave me a banana at lunch :)

5. What is your biggest goal?

Success.

6. What do you think is the meaning of life?

I think everyones life has the meaning they choose to give it. Or, that should be the case. But hah. My life personally is meaningless atm.

7. Do you believe in an afterlife?

to some extent I suppose.

8. Do you have any pet peeves?

yes. being ignored. loud chewing and slurping. grinding teeth.

9. What do you like to do on the weekends?

Like nothing. or hang with megan. or game.

10. What was your favorite TV show growing up?

I watched everything. I had a huge tv boxset collection that grew and grew. cannot select a favorite haha

11. What is your favorite TV show now?

there are too many shows to determine this. sorry.

12. What are your favorite movies?

Harry Potter movies, Marvel and Dc movies, thriller/ horror

13. Tell me one surprising fact about you.

I have feelings. I know maybe not what you are expecting, but hey, people seem to have trouble grasping that fact. soooo this is my response.

14. What do you look for in a significant other?

kindness, honesty, sense of humour/sarcasm is really attractive. But also being able to have mature conversation. being able to talk about anything. 

15. What were you like as a child?

As a child i was treated like shit but didnt care and i was always a happy person. playful and outgoing. Now I cannot say the same. I cannot socialize. almost at all.

16. What are some things on your bucket list?

travel. meet some people. buy a house.

17. Who has had the biggest influence on your life?

friends and family. all in different ways and everyone both positively and negatively

18. Do you have any pets or have you ever owned any?

Currently 2 cats. Ive owned many cats, a few dogs, some birds, etc.

19. Talk about a challenge you had recently and how you overcame it or how you plan to.

my recent challenges are still on going and im not sure im ready to talk about it just yet.

20. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what song would you choose and why?

I REFUSE TO CHOOSE JUST ONE

21. Talk about a favorite childhood memory.

being happy.

22. What is your favorite commercial?

hate them all.

23. If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be and why?

people suprise you. be careful.

24. If you were stuck on a deserted island and could only bring one thing, what would it be?

a friend.

25. Who is your celebrity crush?

this changes alot and i currently have not paid enough attention to have one

26. Who is your favorite musical artist?

here are a few: evanescence,halestorm, the civil wars, in this moment, five finger death punch, motionless in white

27. What is your favorite music genre?

Rock/metal/alternative styles. I listen to alot of music though.

28. What is your favorite color?

BLUE

29. What would you do if you won a million dollars?

share and save :)

30. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Mind reader hands down.

31. What is your dream vacation?

travel the entire world!

32. What actor or actress would star as you in a movie about your life?

ask me later.

33. Where did you grow up?

Ontario canada

34. If you could trade lives with anyone else for one day, who would you trade with?

it would be cool to be anyone else for a day. just to see what its like. truly understand a person. etc.

35. What is your favorite book?

HP books

36. Who is your favorite author?

No favorite.

37. Who do you look up to?

my mom in some ways

38. What is your favorite food ever?

chicken wings

39. Are you a picky eater?

NOT AT ALL

40. Drunken story time! Go!

at a bar I def danced the pole, but other then that nothing too fun yet

41. What beverage do you consume most often?

coffee and water

42. What is the first thing you wash in the shower?

I tend to wash my arms, neck and chest first

43. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

no.

44. How are you feeling right now?

really upset. really bad about myself. hah.

45. Do you plan out your outfits?

oh god no.

46. What is the closest red item to you?

liqor bottle label

47. Talk about the last dream you remember having.

I was fighting off some creep. My friend was standing in the background laughing. wouldn't help me.

48. Do you love yourself?

im trying too

49. When was the last time you cried and why?

I literally kinda just did, but it was really held back.

50. Have you ever met a celebrity?

yep. slash. at an amusement park where he was doing a concert.

51. Have you ever been to a concert?

several now.

52. What are you listening to right now?

eternally yours by motionless in white

53. Have you ever flown in an airplane?

many times.

54. What is the craziest thing you've ever done?

im boring. so nothing crazy.

55. Are your parents or guardians strict?

the opposite of.

56. Did you have a good childhood?

not the best. not the worst.

57. Have you ever been in love?

yes. a few times. 

58. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

I like to mix it up.

59. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life ever apologize?

If they ever come back ill let you know.

60. What are some of your turn-ons?

i dont have any sexual turn ons. but omg smiles make me melt.

61. What are some of your turn-offs?

ASSHOLES. and not the good kind.

62. Would you go skydiving?

sure would.

63. What are you thinking about right now?

what song to put on

64. Do you ever rent movies?

nope

65. Do you ever illegally download entertainment such as music, movies, etc.?

I use spotify so nope not anymore.

66. What is your zodiac sign?

virgo

67. Do you believe in karma or predestiny?

kinda

68. Is there anything you want to say to anyone right now?

oh fuck ya. lots of things to a few people. probably wont though.

69. Would you rather live a shorter life but be wealthy or live a longer life and struggle financially?

wherever im happier.

70. What is your stance on abortion?

i have a neutral opinion. personally if someone is not prepared to care for and raise a child, or isnt able to provide for them in every way neccessary i see no shame.

71. Do you believe in ghosts?

yeah

72. Who do you admire and why?

little bits of all the people i love.

73. What was your worst experience while under the influence of drugs or alcohol?

urmmm nearly walking off a two story landing.

74. Have you ever had a near-death experience?

car accident

75. What do you daydream about?

being cared for. 

76. Where do you want to live after retirement?

somewhere warm

77. What would you change your first name to?

I wouldnt

78. If you believe in a God or Higher Power, what one question would you want to ask Him or Her?

I dont.

79. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic?

i can be both

80. Are you more introverted or extroverted?

INTROVERTED

81. What is your dream profession?

Film Director

82. What do you worry about most?

how people i care about think about me. LOL i know its bad but, its the truth. I’m always afraid theyll realize im not enough for them.

83. When was the last time you tried something new and what was it?

new work shoes. 2 days ago. they are great.

84. Who do you compare yourself to?

i know im unique.

85. What excites you about life?

feelings. but also scares me the most too

86. What five words would you use to describe your personality?

sarcastic, shy, talkative, quiet, kind

87. What is one life lesson you learned the hard way?

people suck

88. What belief do you have that many people disagree with?

oh god. plenty and im not gunna start with it

89. If not now, then when?

tomorrow?

90. Is it possible to lie without saying a word?

yep sometimes not saying something can be a lie.

91. What activities make you lose track of time?

gaming, and other fun things

92. If you had to teach an academic subject, what subject would you want to teach?

english

93. What is your biggest regret?

that i failed

94. What will matter most to you when you're 80 years old?

people

95. Are you a messy person or a clean person?

i toss between the two

96. Are you a perfectionist?

nah

97. How tall are you?

5 ft 11 in

98. What is your guilty pleasure?

foooooood

99. Do you prefer sweet or salty?

i like both

100. What is your favorite social media website?

THIS ONE