#sorrow another time
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Total funding amounts to $125.3M.
Text
finally figured out what VAL reminds me of
#🐉#it stayed because i wanted it! it made a home in me because i carved one out for it in the ruin of who i was!#because i was angry! because i wanted to prove something!#because by the time i was able to see past my anger to sorrow and shame i had already given myself over to it!#and you know what the really crazy thing is? they both intentionally hurt themselves to hold onto that power#'i hurt someone'. i hurt myself so badly that i can only count them as another victim of my own decisions.#the silt verses#tma#VAL thesiltverses
142 notes
·
View notes
Note
I saw it in your tag game post that you're also fond of the Apollo-Heracles conflict 👀 for a myth that appears in only a couple of sources, it sure has a lot of presence in the vase paintings (no seriously, everytime I think I've seen the last of it, I find ten more)
SO do you have any favorites among the paintings that represent this story??
OMG OMG THIS ASK IS A GIFT. IT IS A GIFT THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT THIS
I also think it's extremely interesting that it's a story so popularly portrayed by vase paintings and in such a variety of ways!! It's certainly one of the stories that gets left out of written compilation of Heracles' legend a bit (which is a shame, I think it's a fantastic story) but Apollo had a very peculiar relationship with Heracles in general that I just kind of find amazing (and very, very funny).
Apollo is not a god with any legitimate grudge against Heracles, but he does argue with the mortal a bit like he argues with his favourite brothers 😂Part of why I love the story of Apollo and Heracles fighting over the tripod so much is that it is such a little brother thing for Heracles to be upset with the proclamation his elder brother has given him and so, he throws a great fit, taking up the chair and declaring that he'll just give himself a better prophecy! And Apollo, instead of being a marginally professional big brother, decides to fight him for it until their father has to break up their cat-fight. Like was that not just the plot of the Homeric Hymn to Hermes? Is this not exactly how Apollo treated Hermes when he was a child and now those two are inseparable? 💀
Because of this, my favourite vase paintings tend to be the ones that highlight the personal squabbling between Apollo and Heracles the most. There are some very elaborate ones that have the full host of them - Athena, Heracles, Apollo, Artemis, usually a dog and a doe, I've even seen a couple that had birds and plants etched on them, but the simplest ones that show Heracles about to bonk Apollo with his club out of frustration or depict Heracles nyooming away from Apollo while Apollo (presumably) yells curses about how he's going to fling Heracles head first into Tartarus for daring to take his things? Yeah, those are the premium big brother/little brother things I'm looking for.
(Photo. Marie-Lan Ngyuen)
(Photo. Museo Claudio Faina)
Also the one in the Theoi.com archives is a real classic - perfect energy.
#ginger answers asks#Thank you SO much for letting me talk about this even a little it always makes me smile#Despite their disputes - if you ask me Apollo was quite fond of Heracles#And I think a big part of why I ultimately come to that conclusion is that Apollo never hinders Heracles or withholds blessings from him#He simply calls him a bitch every time he sees him and then makes his life marginally more inconvenient#like any good older brother let's be so fr#It's extremely charming to see him so playful with a mortal he's not in love with/that is not his son#Other moments of Apollo teasing Heracles includes him trying to convince Artemis not to let Heracles catch her doe when he comes#to fulfill that particular labour (again he doesn't actually try to stop it he just puts up a bit of a fuss about it)#and perhaps another of my all time favourites#Personally luring Heracles into Admetus' house so Heracles can wrestle Thanatos while Apollo rescues Alcestis#I DO NOT KNOW WHY MORE PEOPLE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE LUNACY OF APOLLO'S ADMETUS/ALCESTIS PRESERVATION PLAN#He really said “No yeah I know a guy don't worry about Death Incarnate” and then Heracles shows up at Admetus' door like this is a sitcom#The laugh track that plays in my mind every time Admetus opens that door sees Heracles and then looks back at the disguised Apollo like#'HIM?? HERACLES?? Heracles who can break me in seven pieces with a thought Heracles???'#And Apollo just gives him a thumbs up and says “feed him well pookie <33”#Genuinely some of the funniest shit I have the pleasure of reading in greek myth#Another reason I don't think Apollo has any ill will against Heracles though is how Apollo reacts when Heracles#loses Hylas in the Argonautica#Or well some versions of the Argonautica - this is also a story that changes wildly depending on the source/compilation#But Apollo is incredibly sympathetic to Heracles' sorrow and kind of decides there and then that Heracles losing one love#should be the return of another and asks that Zeus let Heracles free Prometheus when he makes his descent into the underworld#Similarly it is Apollo who anoints Alcaeus/Alcides the name Heracles (also dependent on the myth source)#They just had a very fun relationship and it's a serious shame that it's not acknowledged more#apollo#heracles#greek mythology#(Also people do not talk about the fact that Apollo grappled with Heracles to a standstill enough actually)
53 notes
·
View notes
Text
snow queen observation level 4
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#i gueess? no not i guess it is technically#over exaggeration for the sake of shitposting. again. i tried to base angela's look off of hokma story cg 6 o think? since i dont want to#tempt too many spoilers for ruina. even if i already do know quite a few. like a shit cheese filter. didnt search for refs on google#something something the idea of putting memories inside a machine after a death and having to stare at a person you deem dead already#tiphereth... i love you tupherhg.. pains of having to see another with implemented memories of a past self that had already died and that#cannot return. that old self and person is gone. no matter if you attempt to create another. it isnt right. it isnt right at all.#oh angela.... there are many stories of the sorrows of beings created by humans. unfortunately angela is not excluded from that struggle#enough of semi coherent ramblings. tag time#angela lobcorp#angela lobotomy corporation#ayin lobcorp#ayin lobotomy corporation
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
the season 1 finale of het huis anubis is actually so insane LMFAO
#do NOT watch this episode high#when i watched this episode for the first time at 12 i was so flabbergasted but I was also OBSESSED#90% of it is people running around screaming and bumping into each other#it also happens to be one of my favorite episodes bc i genuinely am hollering throughout the whole thing#one of my favorite parts is hearing patricia screaming in the background for fabian’s help holding the door closed#and he’s just deadass ignoring her 😭#victor collapsing to the floor in sorrow when he sees corvus has exploded 💀#nienke’s slow-mo run down the hall just to get yoinked by fabian#and when meneer van swieten was actually about to beat the shit out of patricia before appie drew his attention 😭😭#and then fabian somehow gets it in his mind that nienke teleported from the bathroom they were both locked in to another part of the house#when she obvi jumped out the window???#and then sibuna also climbs out the window with a bedsheets rope#this all happens in a five minute timeframe btw#like wtf was going on this whole episode#het huis anubis#house of anubis#sibuna
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
The biggest missed opportunity of Julius Mode in Dawn of Sorrow is the low level of dialogue. We only get it when Julius recruits Yoko and Alucard and the final confrontation with Soma. And even then the dialogue is limited. I want to see more!
I want to see Julius, Yoko, and Alucard talk to each other after boss fights. I want to see them grapple with the fact they have to kill someone they deem as a friend. Even discourse between them regarding their different approaches with Soma needing to be killed would be interesting to see, essentially a display of their individual character in regard to morality. Though it’s obvious that Soma must be defeated (it’s his own wish afterall), the line does get blurry. I’d like to see conversations with the cult and their reaction in being successful. Are they happy and smug? Do they mourn Celia’s loss? I have no idea! But it would be cool to know! I would have loved to see Alucard comment on Yoko’s ability and how it reminds him of Sypha. Something to Julius about the Belmont legacy too! That would have been awesome! Maybe even a moment with Mina, like what would they say to her??
Anyways, I just think it would have been rewarding to get some more in-depth dialogue as the mode is rather challenging.
#For such a gut-wrenching task especially after they all obviously have become more acquainted in the past year#it would have enhanced this side of the story#even build on their characters#blah blah more time and space needed for devs to do this#another thing I desire but will never have#dawn of sorrow#julius mode#alucard#julius belmont#yoko belnades#soma cruz#mina hakuba#akumajou dracula
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
so many ideas for life series and recent hc events to draw but so little time
#i have like 3 pearl drawings i REALLY want to do but im behind schedule on some comms ouugh#and i finally have a scott idea!!!#another one is a recent tango him rocking out to joel#me saying this here so theres at least physical evidence of my sorrows in my lack of time#lack of time and also short attention span bec if a drawing idea sits for too long i lose the motivation to draw for it lmao#eyditalks
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Coda and Ichor! (Catacombtale Style!)
These two don't have a *ton* of interaction in the Main story, but since Ichor and Balance are the only two characters I've fully designed, Coda gets stuck next to him, haha!
BONUS art jumpscare:
These two actually exist in another project I'm working on too called Codex, which is basically just removing the UT aspects of Catacombtale and doing a lot more worldbuilding and character design!
Coda is older in Codex and is marked by an old God (which should get him jailed or killed, as it means for everyone else) but he hides it for years and years before he finally flees the complex he's living in to go confront the gods and stop their destructive path. Meanwhile Ichor is much the same, only he's much more ready and willing to help Coda without much prompting. Here he's also sort of a Koi Fish! (His brother is a Betta Fish)
#utmv#utmv sans#utmv oc#my art#spot!drawn#utmv art#Catacombtale#Ichor Sans#Coda#ichor#Ichor is so funny to me because his Brother (Reward) uses puzzles and then a final battle as his “Challenge” but Ichor?#his Challenge is to tell him the best Pun you know. He is the God of Puns after all!#(I think he hides his true nature as God of Punishment from the player as long as possible. saying his bro is so cool for being a major god)#Coda is a human with a lot of integrity and stubborn morals. even Determination can't escape the Gods wrath. but integrity?#Gods have a code to respect a soul who follows their own nature and still co-exists despite it just like themselves#so Coda is primed to help out.#his sister is about 7 abd she's a soul of Bravery#which means Hearth (who watches over her as a safe-space from the eyes of the other gods) has his hands full#trying to keep her from charging after Coda#Coda is so funny because he'll just walk in sonewhere and start a “Nuh-uh” contest with any given god and like... usually ends up winning???#and usually the Challenges are more gentle because he's still a young mortal. hardly a Hero. certainly not the one of prophecy#everyone figures Asgore or Undyne will kill them but uhhh. yeah. no that doesn't happen.#There's a lot of Lore here but like...#one additional thing is that in the story Coda manages to spend enough time with Ichor to obtain an item#“Sans' Protection Charm.” /Ichor gave it to you. Says to keep hold of it when facing danger. It seems like an old keepsake./#that charm is one that Ichor carved years and years ago and he only gives out charms to mortals he cares for#not only has the underground seen his rage boil (even while chained) but they have also seen his sorrow. no one wants to be the one to kill#the mortal he has deemed harmless. some fear he might have another outburst. others worry he'd fall down.#it has no real stat changes but when Coda equips it? it's like turning on Easy Mode for Godly Challenges
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
reread the first 3 volumes of berserk (aka the black swordsman arc) today and started Really paying attention to guts this time and my takeaway is that he is TERRIFIED way more often than i thought. like puck mentions fear in the mix of emotions he's sensing from him but he is truly wide eyed quivering princessmoding his way through a lot of this ordeal
#could not resist the urge to call him princess i don't know where it came from and i just know he'd hate it. and yet#like the first times (2) i read thru black swordsman the anger and sorrow were kinda the things i got the most but really stopping to think#about the fear and what's causing it and where it's coming from has been so deliciously upsetting. so sorry bestie <3#god. when he first sees griffith-as-femto he's absolutely furious but when he first speaks guts' reaction is just like. desperate#idk if im remembering this wrong since i've only read thru the eclipse once but doesn't griffith not speak at all once he's femto in that?#so theoretically this'd be the first time he heard griffith's voice in a LONG time. so no wonder it kinda fucked him up. not to mention#what he actually said#(unless they met again in the meantime and i just haven't gotten far enough for that to be depicted/mentioned :p)#berserk#guts berserk#yes i read that even knowing that our copies of the next like 12 volumes are with someone in another state#no im not sure if i'll just read them online or something in the meantime#i swear i really want to actually catch up and not just read the same bits over and over i swear but for various reasons it has not happene#and also berserk just kinda hits that harder than most things for me. i need to rake through it over and over and sometimes that means#putting things into chunks. it also means my analysis is very limited so eh grain of salt
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
My high school did a yearly poetry recitation contest (Poetry Out Loud), so Oh Boy do I know some poems. My favorites are Ozymandias and "the world is about to end and my grandparents are in love," by Kara Jackson. Also in 8th grade we had a Poe unit and had a class contest to make the best music video of the Raven, so I still know a good chunk of that.
i hadn't heard of the kara jackson one! just read through it and enjoyed it, particularly these lines > 'grandma returns to her love like a hymn, marks it with a color. // when the world ends will it suck the earth of all its love? /will i go taking somebody’s hand, / my skin becoming their skin?'
#taking this as a challenge to see how much of ozymandias and the raven i can remember. no i'm not bored at work what gives you that idea#i bet ive got most of ozymandias. the raven may be a lost cause#i met a traveller from an antique land / who said: two vast and trunkless legs of stone / stand in the desert. near them on the sand /#half-sunk a shatter'd visage lies whose frown / and wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command / tell that its sculptor well those passions read#...something or other i do not recall / the heart that mocked them and the heart that fed / and on the pedestal these words appear /#my name is ozymandias king of kings / look on my works ye mighty and despair /#nothing beside remains. round the decay / of that colossal wreck . something or other#the lone and level sands stretch far away#decay of that colossal wreck indeed (my memory for this poem)#oh well.#once upon a midnight dreary as i pondered weak and weary / over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore /#while i nodded nearly napping suddenly there came a rapping / as of someone gently tapping tapping at my chamber door /#tis some visitor i muttered tapping at my chamber door / only this and nothing more#?? (it's downhill from here)#ah distinctly i remember it was in the bleak december / and each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor /#something?ly i sought the morrow / vainly had i sought to borrow / from my books surcease of sorrow / sorrow for the lost lenore /#for the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels .name lenore / lost to me forevermore#(then there is another stanza; bird-infested word bonanza / which i used to know at some point but do not know anymore /)#something something something door. darkness there and nothing more#oh it's the 'silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain / thrilled me filled me with fantastic terrors never known before' bit#anyway. deep into that darkness peering something stood i hoping fearing / doubting?? dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before#but the silence was unbroken and the stillness gave no token / and the only word there spoken was the whispered word lenore#(more missing chunks)#oh i remember 'surely said i surely that is / something at my window lattice' because it's such a stupid rhyme#bird time bust time idk#ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore / tell me what thy lordly name is on the night's plutonian shore /#a billion more stanzas i dont remember. except for 'prophet!' said i 'thing of evil! prophet still if bird or devil!#whether tempter sent or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore /' etc. wait you can only add 30 tags to posts now?? i had more raven chunks#ask#anon
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
youtube
Since we have so many wonderful new members of the Realm of the Elderlings fandom here the last few months, here is a reminder that the band Within Temptation has a song inspired by one FitzChivalry Farseer and that is NOT an exaggeration, they literally wrote it about him/the books
lyrics below cut!
The child without a name grew up to be the hand To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand The choice he'd made he could not comprehend His blood a grim secret they had to command
He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life He prayed for both but was denied
So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind? So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise? Will all our sins be justified?
The curse of his powers tormented his life Obeying the crown was a sinister price His soul was tortured by love and by pain He surely would flee but the oath made him stay
He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life He prayed for both but was denied
So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind? So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise? Will all our sins be justified?
Please forgive me for the sorrow, for leaving you in fear For the dreams we had to silence, that's all they'll ever be Still I'll be the hand that serves you Though you'll not see that it is me
So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind? So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise? Will all our sins be justified?
#realm of the elderlings#fitzchivalry farseer#i dont think we bring it up much but i laugh every time i remember... our pathetic blorbo he inspires so many to song and art#within temptation#hand of sorrow#ramblings#Youtube#was just reading robbin hobbs old reddit AMA again and having REVELATIONS. REVELATIONS I TELL YOU. and found the link to this again lol#did you know before any of the f&tf trilogy came out hobb said in that AMA:#''an exchange of genetic material is possible among/between species that are in very close contact with one another''#WE DIDNT EVEN KNOW ABOUT BEE YET BUT SHE FULLY SAID THAT...#(about whites and dragons and maulkin/the sea serpent who could see the future)#god im going insane
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil
#personal#hear me out. the diner is a mimic and it's toying with the entire town and making people oblivious and just. stuck in time metaphorically#it's known to make people hallucinate it's known to show things that aren't there. it can fuck with technology#yancey has. problems. he's sick with grief and pain and regret and sorrow from his past moving into a strange new town#and there's all these people there in the diner and they all remind him of some part of his life#stevie quite literally reminds him of his ex but stuck in the state before anything happened. stevie is a constant reminder of like#what could have been had they not crossed the line of getting together#his relationship with daphne (friendship mostly but he has a little crush on her at some point) is like#the romanticized version of the life he had in mind for him and his ex. yeah he gets a little bit insane with it but he loves very deeply#freddy is what he wished for his older brother to be like. their friendship is what he wishes he and his brother would be like#rafiq is basically yancey's ideal partner. yukiko reminds him of his younger sister#hell even teddy is connected to him because he and teddy are basically the same person. dealing with a situation very poorly#but teddy WOULD be real since he is part of CALAMITY so his connection to yancey if anything is like. on purpose#he is SUPPOSED to mirror yancey because that will make yancey realize things about himself#that only leaves morrigan as the only other real person in all of this. because she is the only one not connected to the diner#(freddy isn't either but since he's first introduced on the radio as radio host he is sort of connected to the town)#(in like a way the diner could influence that too. you know what i'm saying)#and morrigan's whole deal is that she's so so stuck in the past. trying to get back what is no more. and daphne is her sister#so daphne could even be a manifestation of yancey's and morrigan's shared grief#for yancey the romanticized relationship with his ex. for morrigan her sister who died in the wildfires#are you seeing my vision. the diner is defeated and it's just yancey morrigan and teddy. it's always been#no one else has been real the whole time. they've only interacted with one another or yancey. never with teddy or morrigan#(with exception of daphne who would have interacted with morrigan bc of shared manifestation)#and yancey acts like the others have never existed. because they haven't. and now that he's no longer#under the influence of the diner. he doesn't remember. haha#idk if i wanna go with this because some of them aren't as solidified as concepts as others but man. MANNNNN
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
the shit mgsv and to a lesser extent pw did to the implications of the first 4 games in retrospect is soooooo fucking funny to me actually. mgs2 ocelot put liquids arm on his after losing it. sillay. mgs4 ocelot was lying actually its just an advanced prosthetic. nanomachines. lame. mgsv in a world where advanced cybernetic prosthetic arms have existed since the mid 70s ocelot instead opted to pretend he took some dead british guys arm to further sell the being possessed by a ghost bit he was pushing so he could stop information control. sillay again
#ashen.rambles#i dont know how to describe that the fact that cybernetic prosethic arms is like. decades old technology by 2007ish makes this way funnier#<- idk it changes the context enough for me to go from oooo everythign is nanomachines plotline that i dont like in 4 back to the. sillay o#rest of the games#AND GHOST EXIST IN METAL GEAR HE COULDVE BEEN POSSESSED BY LIQUID. BUT HE WASNT HE JUST. GAVE HIMSELF A LIQUID FICTIVE INSTEAD#glad liquid found peace after dying ig. wish he found it sooner#GHOST HAVE EXISTED LIKE DEFINITIVELY SINCE 3 WITH THE SORROW WHY DID THEY GO WITH NANOMACHINES#again another instance where v retroactively makes this plotline work better for me making this not the first time ocelots done. self#hypnosis as he puts it. for the 'bit' [the overarching plan]#he just does that shit. lmao.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
missing venti hours
#i am having thoughts . but i am not too confident to make them their own posts#mmmost notably#about how nice of a thought it is — to imagine a bard that ven can get to hold again. to hear again#but . the idea that in canon . the best he could do to replicate that feeling is either holding himself and pressing softly or perhaps#gathering a long pillow in his arms and pretending#because mortals do not last long (not without consequence). and as said so much — time is merciless. it matters not how the clock ticks away#for you. whether it be by seconds or minutes. hours or years. it marches along regardless of anyone’s feelings to it#and you have to grasp at what lingers in between : the bonds that you make . the joy and sorrow . the laughing and silence#and you have to hold them close close close. to preserve them for another day#there is no getting back what was lost#but that’s a bit too bittersweet so anyways#first and foremost ven is a nuisance and we love him for that#secondly and much more importantly than the first point is that ven is full of love and care that it surprises me how it does not burst out#from him. ven puts others before himself A LOT. he wants everyone to be able to live peacefully. happily#to find that they can live another day with a smile#and if that means assuring them of what’s to come. or offering them a shoulder to cry on. or making a fool of himself#then by the heavens himself will he sign up for the task#he is not !!! a lazy archon i refuse this notion#he cares deeply for his people !!! he watches and he will help if they stumble and will back away when they wish to walk forwards on their#own !! and they will make mistakes and they will learn from them and he will be there …!!!!! to see them grow !!!!!#besides mondstadt doesn’t particularly ?? seem like they want a god to truly rule over them . tbh#and this is disregarding the fact that mond . fucking killed their first god . ven is not going to risk that ???#so what use would it be — to start randomly showing up as a god and guiding them that way ?? that would be pressuring !!#does this . am i making sense . im very tired#it’s 2am#lantern says stuff
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
tidying up is very difficult...i'm worried that i'm going to become a hoarder-type individual one day. i used to go through phases as a tween where i'd throw out everything i'dever done and scorched-earth all of it due to embarrassment and it's hard for me to remember things all that well without the physical thing and i remember very little about how i was as a kid now, besides "awful". but i also desperately want to get rid of things. there are so many useless things i'm holding onto for sentimentality's sake. yearbooks without signatures, kind notes i was always too afraid to read, cards from family members i never responded to, a LOT of little art projects family made for me to show i was loved that i never looked at because i didn't believe the love in it and it hurt to look at them but its so much EFFORT made for ME and i SHOULD appreciate it
its like...i dont know. there's all this proof i've collected of a life that could've been if i'd ever actually taken the opportunities offered to me but i didn't so its like. WHY DO I HAVE THESE i've gotta let go of the life i didn't live and build a new one instead of boohooing about my regrets and the years i lost to insecurity and agoraphobia and depression any time i try to get rid of stuff. "what if i forget one day i don't want to forget" YOU DIDN'T LIVE THESE LIVES there's nothing to remember! silly behavior!
#in the words of ran from the only thing i talk about anymore TFTBN: youre so sentimental it borders on a health issue!!!#im a very sentimental person and it has not led to anything but sorrow because i did not make many happy memories#just 'damn i really missed out' ones. i dont want to toss everything but there is so much that i look at#and without the fog of 'i dont want to forget i dont want to forget i dont want to forget' im just like god DAMN i do NOT want this!!!!!!#and this is just sentimental objects im trying to go through things like clothes and cds and books too#and any time i dont want anything i get hung up on 'i should donate this/sell this/give this away so its not wasteful'#which is another task on top of the already draining work of letting go of shit and it IS the Right Thing To Do but its so intimidating#that i end up giving up and letting the mess just sit there. I DONT WANT THESE THINGS!!!! WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!#honestly might make Poasts about things im trying to get out of here and if anyone wants them i can just send them to you#maybe. if i get around to that. adding a new task. of. Postal Service#I SHOULD THOUGH FUCK this is all so stressful i wanted to spend my day off relaxing and i cant even do that
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I only come on tumblr when I'm at the very end of my rope and barely hanging on by a quickly disintegrating thread and I don't know what that tells you about me
#boygenius#lah posting#I took the drugs again#I'm worse but better#I will not stagnate#i have therapy tomorrow#it's gonna be another one of those times when I spend the whole time crying#I don't have anyone anymore that i can rely on to hold space for me when I cry#i can hold space for my own emotions now thank you very much#i'm extremely proud of that fact because six months ago that hill felt absolutely insurmountable#but it really helps when there's occasionally someone else to help with that#sorrow shared is half the sorrow and joy shared is double joy#and all that#but i'm really scared for how this is going to end#i'm in really fucking deep at this point#and it's only getting deeper#i don't want to lose my person or the farm or our plans for the future#but it can't go on like this#no matter what i do#and i can't make him realise and i can't do it for him#but i'm afraid that instead of facing the music and turning shit around he's going to choose a much worse way of dealing with things#If this ends i don't think i could ever date again#i know that's dramatic but i'm being very serious about this#i keep thinking i'm dating someone completely different each time but then every time without fail after a year or two#they get into a deep funk and can't seem to do anything but stew and complain and be mean and ruin any chance of being in a good mood#every single time to the point where i wonder if that's just what happens to people who date me#and i can't stand it because while i'm far from toxic positivity i take pride in choosing to not behave like that when things dont go my wa#but i can't risk letting this keep happening again. I genuinely think i can now be happier loving myself than i'd ever be trusting romance.#I've come so far in my healing and I can't keep letting people derail me who have no idea how to self-regulate or have self-compassion#I'm getting sick again. I can feel it happening in my body
2 notes
·
View notes