#song that is not about being transgender that is sooo about being transgender. to me
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wanting to get a tattoo based on a song is very annoying because i don't want lyrics as thats too obvious and text fades weirdly. and there is so much symbolism in the song that picking just one piece of imagery is impossible. so then i'm like. i'll just get a couple :) for one song....
#this is about shedding the deadwood again. it's always about shedding the deadwood#song that is not about being transgender that is sooo about being transgender. to me#see the imagery for deadwood is easy. the living trees not so much. though i suppose that's the entire point of the song#great. thanks woods of ypres#tattoo that will never happen because i have no money and am so so scared#i'm sure if i actually talked to someone who knows tattoos they would have loads of ideas unfortunately i am me so i need to do it myself#maybe if i listen to it enough times and loud enough it'll just inscribe itself on my skin
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for character asks: sasukeeeeeeeeh
this ask game
favourite thing about them?
just one thing? hm…….. i suppose after everything he’s been through he still has his kindness and loving nature…. even in his interactions with people being rude to him/annoying him/someone he doesn’t like.. he’s not rude to them… he’s just disinterested…. the boy is a pacifist at his core, he’s just frankly kind to people that don’t deserve it (but he also doesn’t compromise on what’s important to him just to be kind/loving). oh and his transgender swagger.
least favourite thing about them?
….?
ok uh well….. hold on let me think… oh wait.. he married sakura.
favourite line?
mm i most probably have another favourite out there but the first i thought of was this
brOTP?
him and team taka…… also the potential of him and neji in my brain……… hmm big things could have brewed
OTP?
uhm i did not watch 720 episodes to not ship narusasu
nOTP?
sooo many.. but the biggest is sasuke/hinata
random headcanon?
pinned post lol… but aside from food=love for uchiha………… mm transgender… but both of these things are canon so idk………
unpopular opinion?
narusasu is best when they’re toxic LOL cutesie stuff with them is nice and all but the intrigue of them is that they’re insane… let them be a lil toxic pls
song i associate with them?
i’ll say specifically the moon will sing by the crane wives but also here’s my sasuke playlist lol
favourite picture of them?
if i have to pick only one….. i think sillysuke………..
#i’m sorry i am literally just like… nawt a person that headcanons things much at all 💀💀#asks#chunin
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Fic Song Tag Game
Thank you @spindrifters for the tag!! This is gonna be unhinged jsyk, basically half these songs actually inspired the fic and the other half happened to be my hyperfixation song during an intense period of writing so they do not relate lyrically at all, but the vibes… the vibes.
True Blue by Boy Genius
But it feels good to be known so well
I can't hide from you like I hide from myself
I remember who I am when I'm with you
Your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue
Okay obviously I have to include the song that TTTB gets it’s title from. You’ve never done me wrong!!! Except for that one time!!!! Genuinely the sapphic Wolfstar anthem… what else can I say….
Body to Flame by Lucy Dacus
Longing for your short hair to grow back to the way you like
Thank you for the gesture
I regret ever implying that you could be better
Didn't mean to empty your perfect body
And fill it with my passing will
Easily won, weary of losing, gullible girl
Weak and alluring, well, we break our rules
Get drunk in the dark
Laughing aloud at the spinning stars
Ok this one is scary- so what happened is I wrote two scenes for TTTB before I ever heard this song, and then Mel read them and then she listened to this song and she was like “dude… this song is about your fic and those two scenes specifically” and I was like “haha yeah it’s Lucy Dacus, the Queen of Sapphic Pining” but then I listened to the song and like… the specificity. They lyrics match up exactly. You will see when we get to fourth and fifth year, but, Lucy, my wife, we were drinking from the same mother lake…
Vampires by Tommy Lefroy
And I know you
I know you
I know you know
I know you feel everything
Okay so this one has the above lyrics, which became a sort of source code for TTTB Sirius. I associate this song with her and it helped to ground my writing of her character in the first couple chapters. Anyway I love her, also Tommy Lefroy rules, they’re gonna get big, I just know it.
Holland, 1945 by Neutral Milk Hotel
The only girl I ever loved…
This one has absolutely jack shit to do with anything related to this fic, but I was deeply hyperfixating on it back in January when I was first outlining TTTB, sooo yeah. I also wrote the first scene I ever wrote for this fic while listening to this song on repeat at my favorite coffee shop.
The Bench by Like Roses
Break down with me on the phone
Just like we did those nights when I was at home
This is another one that lyrically doesn’t have much to do with anything, but really helped me achieve the specific angsty headspace I needed to be in to write the year one Christmas chapter when Sirius goes home to Grimmauld Place. Also the above lyrics really gave me ‘prongsfoot talking through the mirrors’ vibes. I know this song is actually about addiction, like I’m aware.
Francis Forever by Mitski
I don’t think I could stand to be
Where you don’t see me
Mel texted me in a panic because she had read a snippet of a scene I wrote from sixth year and then listened to this song in close succession and she said that she had never really listened to these lyrics before, or she didn’t fully get what they meant, until she read that snippet and thought about this song and had a breakdown. Anyway, something for y’all to look forward too. Post prank vibes, delicious angst.
Honorable Mentions go to:
The entirety of Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me- nothing is more punk rock than being transgender and if you haven’t listened to this album yet, do yourself a favor and turn that shit up right now. Fucking bangers all the way through.
Dreamt We Were Closer by Ash Tuesday- look it’s not my fault that this is a Wolfstar song, okay???
For Sale: Ford Pinto by Rosie Tucker- my current hyper-fixation song, idk what will come of it yet but it is a whole vibe.
Tagging Mel @capacity-for-wonder who is on her honeymoon but will never miss a chance to make a playlist.
#wolfstar#lesbian wolfstar#wolfstar fic#sapphic wolfstar#fic: tough tried true blue#tttb#marauders#tag game
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Nightfallsystem - Main blog. Plural System. cringe asf autistic and chronic pain haver. giant isopod enthusiast.
READ MY DNI AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST!!!
IF I FOLLOW U / REBLOG FROM U RANDOMLY / ACT LIKE WE'RE MUTUALS U PROBABLY FOLLOWED/INTERACTED ON MY BLOG @qiekz OR @qiekzart
‼️hi guys if ur reading this during october 2023 plz check out @qiekzart rn im doing a thing ✨✨
Check out my etsy plzzz :333 i post adoptables !!
My name is Qiekz, my pronouns are it/its, please use my actual preferred pronouns. For your DNI purposes please know I'm 14 ^_^ also no nsfw interaction or you will fucking die!! im also learning japanese! (please send help.... im dying..... grahh.. ive gone too far to quit its kind of my curse now.)
what to expect from this blog? random shit, this is my personal blog. there may be vents and rants (tagged as #vent and #rant respectively) there may be random shit there will be so many reblogs.
i try to add ids when i can into the alt text, though i have chronic pain so sometimes im too tired to, sorry
Special interests: Giant isopods, Yugioh 💀💀
interests: TBHK, manga and anime, servals, marine animals, suicide boy (critical of it...), made in abyss, (critical of it...) , japanese language ,, ... i forgor
FEEL FREE (i encourage you to!) TAG ME IN SHIT ABOUT MY INTERESTS!!! esp yugioh im really autistic about it o my god
#autistic about this thing tag <- will be me tagging shit im really autistic about!!
not really in discourse anymore other than transgender stuff so if you try to drag me into discourse ill drag you into the pits of hell. i fucking hate syscourse so much.
If i am not speaking and another system member is, the post will be tagged as "- [name]". I tag common triggers, flashing lights and eyestrain, etc, these will be tagged as "TW [topic]". also JSYK i block a fuck ton of people so like, yeah, I block anyone for any reason I want. I will also not unblock you. unless youre liek my friend or smth.
We have so many fictives sooo,, source list: TBHK, Omori, OneShot, Wolf Song the Movie (yknow, that one on youtube.), yugioh..... </3 .. sourcemates r cool to interact n stuff feel free to send an ask im just shy...
anon hate MUST be original no lame "kys" or "[slur]". i will judge you. try better. try harder. get good. if you send anon hate i will judge it and rate it out of 10 so please try your best.
i am weirdo fictionkin heres the list: hooni from suicide boy yayy,, faputa from made in abyss ( I FUCKING HATE THE SORUCE FOR BEING SO WEIRD OMFG AHGHH),, jolteon from pokemon. . im weird and fuckd up . much prefer if u dont rlly seperate me from me in sources. cuz i just am me. sorry. ig. just refer to me as me . thank you
I am critical of all of my interests!!
or more just i hate them agh just be normal omfgggg crying sobbing
if you wanna avoid a common trigger its most likely tagged #tw [topic]. i also tag eyestrain and flashing lights but usually i just tag it as "#eyestrain" or "#flashing". tbh i unfortunately cant be trusted to remember to tag any other specific trigger because of bad memory. i wont tag reclaimed slurs but i will tag slurs used in a mean way
Please do not DM me unless you actually really need to. Send me an ask if you want to DM me and specify that you want it answered privately if you want. but i AM UNCOMFY WITH DMS. unless we're friends or i DMed you first. otherwise i place a curse on you I MUCH prefer asks over DMs
Sideblog list
@omori-addict
@oops-all-traumacore (TW TRAUMACORE)
@sunnymogai (inactive)
@hellhoundmutt (inactive)
@sunnymogai2 (inactive)
@qiekz (EYESTRAIN + FLASHING TW please block if you are affected by that please)
@qiekzart
@tsukasabrainrot
alter blog 4 tasma:
@tazmahell
@tazmaboxed
DNI:
Anti plural, pluralphobe, anti endo, sysmed, against created alters/etc, "dont believe in systems",
Proship, condone or support posting any sexual stuff that includes a child, lolicon/shotacon/etc, someone purposely meant to look like a child, cub.
LGBTQphobic, transmed, transphobe/homophobe/biphobe/panphobe/etc, 'super straight'/variants, anti-ace inclusion, anti-aro inclusion, anti a-spec inclusion, aphobes, anti mspec lesbian/gay/etc, stelliophobic, anti lesboy/turigirl/etc, anti any good faith queer identity, anti neopronouns, anti xenogender, anti mogai.
Ableist, support autism speaks, think "narc abuse" is a thing/demonise people with any disorder including NPD, infantalise people with disorders/disabilities/etc, post/support on subreddits like r/fakedisordercringe or r/systemscringe, use the term "Aspergers" / describe urself as an "aspie" (Hans Asperger was a nazi who killed many disabled people, so shut the fuck up.)
Racist, cultural appropriators.
Radqueers, trans-id/transX, transrace/trace (not adoptee term), support the term transplural, pro-contact/contact-complex/contact-neutral for harmful paraphillia, sway people away from getting help for harmful paraphillia, MAP/Pedo/zoo/necro. (also transspecies is ok if its not used in a transX way)
Fujoshi/variants. fetishize mlm/wlw, etc.
Against traumacore / vent art.
Have minors on ur DNI (no offense im just a minor lol), NSFW-Focused blog
Post stolen art (includes AI images) / trace art without consent
other stuff is im neutral on factkin or kff tbh. and i think id rather stay neutral on tulpas as a term. i just dont fucking care. i dont involve myself in syscourse anymore, i might post more endogenic positivity later but id rather not due to the rampant harassment and infighting in the system community.
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hi two questions pls 1, i would LOVE to hear you elaborate on a bacchae novelization and 2, do you have any recommendations for supplemental readings to better analyze the bacchae? it’s my favorite classical play so far but i can feel there r things i’m Missing. thank u!
of course of course!! im going to answer the second question first because the novel bit will take me a while and the things i recommend might. spark some idea in myself as i think about them djdjdjjdfw.
anyways for supplemental resources, totally check out let’s talk about myths baby’s episode on the bacchae. it’s a two part one but it should be available on spotify/youtube whatever. that’s what really got me thinking about the themes!! this text about a transgender reading of the bacchae was one of the first texts i read analyzing it. this one is so so good it really provides you with an overview of the whole thing while also being really insightful as to the symbols and stuff in the play. also some of the lines are literally sooo silly. i have more but i think those are good to start!!
anyways as for this hypothetical novelization of the bacchae. i will divide it up into two sections, the dream version that is sooo fucked up (important!!) and truly adds to the play by highlighting the emotional struggles of the characters and the absolute worst idea someone could have about it. my dream version takes the form of not like. an outright horror novel but more like. a psychological horror i suppose?? i think ideally we would spend most of the novel describing pentheus’ thoughts (i KNOW the play is from mostly the pov of dionysus but. who cares it’s my idea.) and how they progressively become less structured and sane as it goes on. mind you in this time that he’s becoming almost incoherent, he’s also becoming. significantly less repressed. DO i think he and dionysus should ever really flirt. NO that’s a betrayal of the source material. do they have weird homoerotic moments that sort of serve to make everyone a little tiny bit uncomfortable? yes that is what the whole thing is about!! obviously by the end the main point of view switches from pentheus (as he has. yk. died.!) to agave. we see her thoughts as she slowly comes out of that frenzy she was in and realizes the extent of what she has done. dionysus is not portrayed outright as a villain, seeing as his actions were. justified to some extent, albeit an overreaction. so yeah that is the ideal.
now for the worst thing you could do. so you know how the song of achilles was like here’s how we can make a gay couple heterosexual by reinventing traditional gender roles of the soft feminine partner and the aggressive masculine partner? literally. that but with pentheus and dionysus. do i know how exactly one would get to that point? no. but i can imagine it. i think agave would be portrayed as a terrible person who was so selfish and absorbed in her own mind to realize what she was doing and also yk how dionysus and pentheus are soooo fucked up and evil? like they fundamentally need each other, pentheus to learn about himself and dionysus to prove himself? they Take That Out. make them Normal. which is arguably the worst thing you could do.
SORRY this got soooo long omg. i do love love love to talk…
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Top 5 transgender/nonbinary songs (either intentionally written as such or songs that just have the right vibes 🎶)
oooooh interesting question! unfortunatley i don't know a ton that really fit the theme of being by or about that experience because i am. so far behind in listening to music. so these just wound up being songs i associate w my own gender journey. sorry everyone.
I Was a Teenage Anarchist by Against Me! - sooo much about this song reminds me of when i was closeted in middle & high school, or, you know, 'when you were young and you wanted to set the world on fire'. i think this was intentionally written as such because of the line 'narrow visions of autonomy / you wanted me to surrender my identity / i was a teenage anarchist / the revolution was a lie'
King for a Day by Green Day - it's about gender nonconformity, not exactly transness (since afaik everyone in the band is cis) but you have no idea how much that meant to 12 year-old me. i was so into the idea of guys wearing dresses and girls wearing suits and i couldn't put my finger on why. things that should have made me realize my gender way sooner.
Twin Size Mattress by the Front Bottoms - a lot of people make fun of them, 'oh i can tell from this gif they sound like shit' okay maybe not all music is supposed to sound like shit you hear in the grocery store. with that little side-rant out of the way i listened to this song a lot after falling out for gender-related reasons with my family so it really resonated with me and the loneliness i felt. plus the lines 'it's no big surprise you turned out this way / when they closed their eyes and prayed you would change / and they cut your hair and sent you away / you stopped by my house the night you escaped' always made me think of. trans things. moving on!
I Just Can't Wait to Be King from the Lion King - okay this is really silly and strange coming from me but for some reason i always thought this song would be really sweet coming from someone who hasn't transitioned yet, especially trans kids looking forward to being an adult in their chosen gender.
Weird Science by Oingo Boingo - my silliest answer yet. if i could pick an album to be my gender it would be Dead Man's Party. and we all know the inherent transness of the mad scientist, so the whole album is nonbinary to me.
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what do all of the animatronics do on june, aka pride month?
Any special things with pride they do for people?
Idk if you get what I mean but, yeah-
Freddy: Oh there's a big parade every June that happens outside the Pizzaplex! During the parade, and on weekends, there are special sales that go on! We also do change out holograms from the standard purple-y color to a more rainbow color!
I will also wear some cute rainbow ties I have, and Chica will tie a pansexual colored ribbon around the base of my hat! I will also change the red to my face paint to match those colors as well! We get a lot of people complaining, but thankfully when it does come to Pride Month, the company actually backs us up in our decision to celebrate!
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Chica: Oh I LOVE Pride Month! All the colors and flags and people wearing all kinds of cute outfits is just amazing! I like to change my leg warmers to different colors of flags that like multiple genders! Such as bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual and others like that!
Sun and I also make these cute little ribbons that I will give out to kids, teens, and adults for free! We have all kinds of flag colors and every year we end up adding more and more! It's so much fun! Especially when a first time being out person ends up finding their flag! Oh they look so so so happy!!!
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Roxy: I will dye streaks into my hair with the colors of the lesbian flag and then the green part I do a rainbow gradient! We also change the checkered flag that waves to the rainbow flag when someone's on the last lap.
Honestly, I think we should keep that change all year round, but we already get so many complaints already during that time. It's so annoying, but we get to tell them to shut up thanks to the company's no tolerance rule for homophobes and transphobes!
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Monty: I usually dye my hair a rainbow color and add tons of pride stickers to my bass, we also offer special rainbow golf balls for the month that people can use to play with. We lose SOOO many by the end of the month hahaha!
I also hang up a bunch of other flags all over Monty Golf! Mainly on the big Monty heads or cutouts. I like making them look like capes or neck scarves! It's pretty cool! Maybe I should wear a neck scarf? I bet I could rock it!
Oh! Yeah. I also TRY to be nicer to Freddy, you know, show kids to be kind and what-not during the month. Some of them could see I wasn't good friends with him and one time a kid accused me of being homophobic to Freddy, like kid. I'm queer. I hate Freddy for different reasons, not because of his orientation.
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DJMM: I believe the staff change the lights from their normal colors to rainbow ones. At least that is what I am told, I'll have to make sure next time with the others to see if the staff was lying or not.
But I personally will play more LGBTQIA+ inclusive songs. Especially those made by individuals who are out and proud, but there are plenty of songs made by cishet individuals that plenty of the LGBTQIA+ identify with. I do take plenty of suggestions during that time and play as much as inclusive songs as I can!
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Sun: Oh we decorated the whole Daycare with lots of rainbows and smiley faces and will even change out neck and waist ruffles to be rainbow colored!
Moon: "Usually I would read books that show off queer families, especially transgender ones. Though now Sun has to read the stories since I'm not allowed out near the kids anymore..."
Sun: You shouldn't say queer, not everyone likes that word.
Moon: "For the last time Sun, queer is not a slur. It's fine if some people don't want to use that word for themselves, but plenty of people use it as an identity. Gay and dyke, and many other words, were also use as slurs, but now they have been reclaimed and people who identify as those labels can and should be proud to call them that. We shouldn't police how people talk about themselves."
Sun: Right, sorry. I just see it so much online...
Moon: "The discourse in the queer community is so bad... We try our best to let kids figure themselves out and not be sucked in to the bad side of the community."
Sun: Yup! We do our best to give them the proper resources and make sure they know they are not alone, not broken, and don't need to be fixed!
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Mapbot: Rainbow maps!
#questionnaire#glamrock monty#glamrock chica#glamrock freddy#glamrock roxanne#mapbot#djmm#sundrop#moondrop#noart#asks#i get some people don't like the word queer#so i try not to use it for respect of others#but i don't see it as a slur at all#and even identify as queer#so if you don't like this#or the fact that the animatronics show kids queer stuff#then please leave#especially if you are going to start shit#kids can be queer#even if they don't know what they are#they know themselves better than the people around them#so let them just have fun and be kids
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Dear new friend,
I just finished reading your messages. First of all, thank you. I think I would have been less traumatized out here if a lot of people took to sharing their thoughts on matters such as these in the manner in which you do.
I think I set myself up too because I be wanting to participate in certain topics and discussions and so often I find myself trying to sieve through the vitriol and pejoratives.
The gender of the word is feminine not masculine. I don’t see how that is misinformation.
"Sorry, the misinformation bit was because I was thinking about that tweet that went viral about this word being used only for woman. The person said it was an adjective, and you said it was an adjective, so I thought you were basing this information on that tweet. That day was crazy, some people spread this, wanted to change his pronouns, trend a hashtag and were saying he had came out... This was too much. And the "debunked" thing was about this tweet, as well. Not about the words being feminine and masculine. That's a fact, you're right."
I had no idea a tweet went viral like that claiming he wanted to change his pronouns. That's wild and I disagree. Lol. I think I've always maintained he uses He/him pronouns and said time and again I do not think he wants to be emasculated at all. As I said, that would have made him transgender not bigender and thus defeat the purpose. To be bigender he has to be two genders at the same time not one.
But I have been following the discussions on this topic on the bird app and I try my best to bring nuance to certain discussions. I try. Lol.
I take note of the differences between your language and Latin as you rightly pointed out. But I also do see the similarities and I think the explanation you gave and the examples you provided gives me a better understanding of the language structure.
"Yeah, totally fine hahah We tend to interpret things according to our own experiences; for me, a gendered word is part of my daily life, normal, and I don't bat an eye about it. Is just a word, the importance is in its meaning ─ and it suits filter SOOO well. For you, it's something more. At the end of the day, art is here to be interpreted, and if Jimin doesn't explicitly explain the filter performance, tattoos, set, outfits... It's open for interpretation. (And I'm not a person that tries to find hidden meanings. I simply enjoy what I enjoy. I have this thing about being as accurate as possible, so I try to stick to facts (like: I don't feel comfortable saying he chose these words, because I don't know if HE was the person that chose it (in the sense that he was the one that bring it up to the staff/company). Maybe someone else showed it to him and he was like: "Nice! I want it!". But I feel okay saying he's had a tattoo with these words (A fact). Also I don't make a big deal of most things ─ for me Jimin is Jimin and I'm supporting him regardless, he's precious)
(But Memories 2020 is coming and I'm almost sure they are going to show filter behind the scenes!!!! So we're going to understand better this masterpiece (I HOPE SO))
I understand what you mean. Some people are inclined towards taking the literal meaning of texts or in this case art and not read much into situations beyond what is presented at face value- not me🤣🤣🤣🤣
I do the magnifying glass and errthang👁
I think humans are complex and there's always a possibility of a psychological and or pathological stimulus underscoring their behaviors, choices and actions in most cases.
But that aside, I think it's easier to take a heteronormative view on things sometimes because cis straight has always been the norm even in appreciating art- but truth is, coding and co opting codified expressions is almost always part of queer culture and behavior too. If any other queer celebrity had used that expression, I would be reading much into it too beyond its semantics.
For me it's simple, would I be reading too too much into the language and art choice of someone I thought was cis straight? Hell No. Straight is boring and blunt as fuck.
Unless of course they were being intentionally witty or secretive about something, I'd assume and expect their expressions to be pretty much straight forward- generally. I went home to be would mean just that.
If I sensed the author were queer coding Home would mean something else entirely to be. Home becomes a symbol not a word. And if he chose to write that in Latin and not the language they spoke naturally, I'd assume there's something about that language that he likes and perhaps uses to code a queer message.
For closeted queer people who live in a world where they are constantly coerced to take on a duality and have an expressional alter egos- two identical identities with one being the facade and pretense through which they openly and largely perform normalcy of self, the other being their real self which they tuck away because it is inconsistent with the acceptable norms- I'd a take a very different approach to their art. But that's me.
If a straight person said they needed escape, it would mean something totally different to me than say if a queer person said they needed escape. Because those two are escaping two very different things.
For example, the words Moon and moonlight used by a straight person means nothing to me- perhaps because I just don't care much to look for its deeper meaning beyond the literal meaning of the words as presented. If it appears in a queer person's parlance, even if in passing, I assume immediately they are referencing something much more deeper, meaningful and coded.
Queer coding is a thing you know? And it's born out of necessity not choice sometimes.
Take for instance BTS's proclivity to 'queer codify' their music. Moon and moonlight has become symbolic of the inner struggles of a queer person amongst black 'educated' queer men and women. It's come to symbolize cultural norms and expectations and how those affect queer people- perhaps of all race.
In the Movie Moonlight, which has become the epitome of queer black struggles and desires for liberation, this motif was used to represent the struggles of a black boy dealing with the pressures of a hyper masculine society.
When RM references this in 4 Oclock, 'the whole world is blue under the moonlight' is he queer coding or just appropraiting queer parlance as buzz word? That expression takes on a whole new meaning were he queer. Blue symbolizes queerness- a theory popularized of course by the Film. When V who once wrote an allegedly 'queer coded song' Stigma says he is blue- what does he mean now? On the surface blue means blue. Would you take a straightforward view on this or assume its symbolic? And what is it symbolic of?? Sadness?? Gayness?
If RM had an accompanying tattoo as compliment to the song in his performance that evoked similar sentiments or hinted at a possible second meaning I wouldn't assume that that tattoo meant nothing or that it didn't have a deeper meaning behind it.
It's just as how Lil Nas X posted a city of rainbows and people said 'rainbows are rainbows. Y'all shouldn't read much into it.' But for queer people that was pretty much a declaration of his sexuality.
Later he had to post again and reiterate that that rainbow post was his coming out moment. 'I thought I made it obvious.'
Somethings are pretty much obvious.
For JM who don't speak Latin- unless he is secretly fluent in which case my bad- I don't think he cares so much about the grammar of the language beyond it's meaning. And perhaps gender? Grammatical gender I mean. That's just because the first thing you learn about Latin is that all the nouns are gendered?
I won't lie. When I first learned that I was supper fascinated about grammatical gender and why speakers of the language felt a need to gender every word of the language.
In the end, we all don't know. I'm out here convinced two Asian men are so gay they can't straight to save their asses. I have a tendency to view everything they do through queer lens. If they are not gay I'm pretty much gaslighting them you know?
I'm always fascinated by different point of views on a myriad of subjects. Just as you said, our diverse experiences inform our experiences and perspectives. I just hope people acknowledge how their straightness informs their understanding of queerness too and how that has a tendency to be invalidating and dismissive of queer issues and experiences.
But to me it's like, if Jikook are gay why do you have to interpret what they do through straight lens?
Personally, I wouldn't interpret straight through queer lens and force that view on to straight people. That would be homonormative? Assuming rainbow means straight people are gay when they are not, moon means feminine to straight men, that the use of the word God makes one a Christian- that's just silly and bizarre.
I use Namaste often and suddenly some people here think I'm Indian. I wish. They have one hell of a culture.
When I was reading through your messages, all that kept playing in my head was- that's a very 'straight' view on the matter. Lol. Please tell me you got the pun. Lol.
I think my opinion will remain the same on the matter if you placed any queer person in Jimin's stead. Any queer person that I believed was queer and had hinted a few times at exploring a dual identity or going through that phase at least.
I think I'd enjoy your blog if you had one.
I love love the lesson on Italian or is it Spanish?
Also, I would love your take on V and Stigma. A lot of queer stans have a queer reading of the lyrics- I see the appeal however I don't have a queer reading of it at all. Thoughts??
Namaste.
Signed,
GOLDY
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(Everyone is sitting together. It doesn't really matter where, but they're all outside and having a great time. Lance, Walter, Marcy, Killian, Eyes, Ears, August, Ramsey, Sky, Felix, Gwynn, Jack, and Hiro. Other friends, such as Joy and Tonya [the security lady], aren't too far away. Lovey, Jeff and Crazy Eyes are present as well, calmly strutting around, being petted by various members of the group.) Walter: I remember when I was six, I went to my mom's room and was watching her put on her makeup for the day. She was kinda used to that, since I followed her everywhere. Well, I told her I liked her makeup, and that she was really good at putting it on. So then I'm like "Hey, what's it like to wear makeup?" And she goes, "I don't know, I'm used to it." And she looked at me, because I think she knew that I was building up to asking if I could wear some. I told her I just wanted to wear what she was wearing, just to know. She had to think about that for a minute, hah! Marcy: This feels like a really important part of your flamboyant origin story. (Everyone laughs, Walter included.) Walter: YES, definitely! So like, she was a little thrown, I think? But then she was like "Yeah, sure, okay, you can try on my makeup," and she had me sit in her little chair in front of the mirror. She was telling me that it was gonna feel funny, that I needed to be still so she wouldn't accidentally poke my eye, all that good stuff. My mom was SUPER attentive whenever she tried new things with me, because of the Asperger's. We really didn't know what could trigger that potential sensory overload or what I might be overwhelmed by, so I think she was more nervous about that than anything. Well... Before she started, I asked her if wearing makeup would make me less of a boy. I said, "Only girls wear makeup, and when boys like girly things, they get made fun of." I was really aware of that. I always SO BADLY wanted to take my Unitee to school, as a comfort object, but I was scared to death of the other kids taking her from me and tearing her up or something. So -- anyway, mom goes, "No, some boys wear makeup," and she said, "Did you know that men wear makeup in other parts of the world?" And she told me about the Egyptians, ancient peoples and how makeup was originally for everybody, all that cool stuff. SHE info-dumped on ME! (They all laugh a little.) Walter: It was just really striking to me how...progressive she was, like there was nothing I could do that she didn't support. I told her I didn't think I wanted to wear makeup all the time, and she said "Good, you're too young for it anyway." (More laughs.) Walter: So I sat there, and she started putting the makeup on me. She put on my eye shadow, then eye liner, then mascara... It was exhausting! How do people wear it ALL THE TIME? (They all nod and chuckle and Marcy raises her hand, drawing attention to herself.) Marcy: It's the way of the woman, Walter. Killian: And the very flamboyant, but no-less-masculine man. Ramsey: I tried on makeup once. Turned my rat face into a rat face with paint on it. (All laughter.) Sky: Hah, okay babe, so what happened next? Walter: *giggles softly* Well, then she put a little blush on just for the fun of it, and then put lipstick on me. We both kept laughing, I think she was laughing at me because I kept pursing my lips out SUPER hard! She was like "Just relax a little!" And I would, and then I would purse really hard again! (Laughs.) Gwynn: That's so cute, hah hah. Walter: We had this really long talk about how boys are not boys because they don't wear makeup, and girls aren't girls because some of them do wear makeup. Same with pants, and dresses. She said that if I am a boy, then that's what I am no matter what I have on. I was like... "If?" (Lots of concerned chuckles and a few laughs roll through the group.) Lance: OH shit, she probably didn't count on that one. Walter: NO, NOT AT ALL. I mean, it wasn't that long ago, but honestly transgender, non-binary and all the LGBT stuff has REALLY just been gaining traction in the past few years. Like I said, she was REALLY progressive. Felix: Did she have to explain that? Walter: *nods* A little. She kept it simple, she was like "Well, sometimes little boys feel like they aren't actually boys, and they feel like they're girls, so they choose to be girls and that's who they really are." I asked her how that's possible, because I have to over-analyze everything, pfft. She said she couldn't really explain it, that it was fine that I didn't understand, that she could tell me later. Yeah -- whenever she couldn't explain a hard topic to me, she was always really good about saying it was okay that I didn't understand it. Living in a world where you're expected to just GET everything, whether it's a hard or an easy concept, that was always nice. Hiro: *nods* Jack: Everyone should be told that, you've got a point there. Sky: I could not STAND when teachers were like "Oh ThiS iS eAsY, eVeRyOnE eLsE gEtS iT" LIKE BITCH, SHUT UP. *claps between words* I'M- NOT- THEM. Lance: RIGHT THOUGH?!
Ears: Rude.
Walter: Exactly! Everyone is different. Not even from an Autistic standpoint, just a HUMAN CHILD standpoint, my mom was really good with helping me be okay with my environment. August: Do you think if you were neurotypical, she would've been just as good, or like, less good or not as...paying attention? Walter: *thinks for a moment* Mmm... I mean, she was really good with me before I was even diagnosed, she was really patient and tried to roll with the fact that I was somehow very different from my peers. But no, I think she probably would've been about the same. Maybe less careful, or less afraid of setting me off somehow, but she DEFINITELY wouldn't have loved me less or had been any less kind. She was just...a great mother, plain and simple. (Gwynn reaches across the table and gently takes his hand, silently offering a bit of love. Walter smiles sadly to her.) Lance: So, what happened with the makeup? Walter: *sits up and takes in a deep breath* I told her it felt weird, aaand she said that was normal... *smiles softly* She told me I was pretty... I asked if I could show grana, so we went and found her in the living room and showed her. Ramsey: Oooh, was granny as progressive as mom? Walter: OH yeah, she was definitely where my mom got it from. She loved it! Marcy: *shaking her head slowly in awe* That is so rare, like WOW. Walter: Mm-hm. Yeah, I actually came out to grana when I was 14. I said, "I think I'm gay," and she looked me dead in the eye and said, "Oh, I knew that!" (They all laugh.) Walter: I was like, "Whaaat??" She told me that her and mom figured that out when I was two. Lance: ...What the hell was you doin' when you were TWO to give that away??? (They all chuckle.) Walter: HAH hah! I asked her that, and she said that my mom was just watching me play. I wasn't doing anything special, I -- she just said "I think my son is gay." And apparently, grana felt the same way? It turns out, big shocker, I am not mysterious. Hahahah! Felix: No, no you are NOT. Gwynn: Your family was really cool, Walter. Walter: Yeah... They were... (He nods his head slowly, eyes becoming a little wet. But he smiles, warm memories, love, and a little sadness filling his heart.) Walter: And now I have this cool family, so... I'm really really l-ucky-- (He wipes his eyes, trying not to cry.) Walter: Nnnaaahhh!! I don't wanna cry, aha hah...! Marcy: *chuckles* It's okay. Walter: Gah, I know. I cry enough though, I can go TEN MINUTES without! (They all chuckle, but there is an expression of care for him in everyone.) Walter: So that's the makeup story. *sniffles and wipes his eye one more time* I ended up not wearing it again after that, until the -- *motions to Jack* the mission! Jack: That was some fun, eh? Heheh! Really, Walter, you did make for a lovely lady! Walter: *laughs* Well thank you!! Hiro: I think it's nuts when people can tell their kids are gay. Killian: Yeh, some people honestly just feel that. I've heard about pregnant women being able to feel their unborn child is a certain way, and then years later they figure out they're right. Mind-boggling. Walter: There really is nothing harder to explain than a mother's instinct! Lance: Yeah, then there's MY mom. When I was like fifteen, my mom caught me dancin' in my room to this really fruity song and some dumbass chick flick was on the TV, and... (Everyone starts laughing.) Lance: *waves it off* So she busts in my room and is like *mocking voice* "Lance, you wanna tell me somethin'? Are you gay?" and I got all defensive and was like "NO MOM" in this really squeaky voice. (The laughter continues, and Lance along with them.) Lance: I knew what bein' gay was, and I knew how people made fun of it -- I made fun of it back then, everyone used it as an insult, there was all this misinformation about it flying around. My mom wasn't even being accusatory, she wasn't like MAD about it or anything, but from then on, ALL the time, if I did somethin' kinda questionable she was like "YoU gAy?!" So I'd try to make my voice deeper, like *makes voice deeper* "NO, MAMA. I LIKE GIRLS." (Laughter) Eyes: Did she try to get you for overcompensating? Lance: *claps and points at her* YES, I was just about to say! So I started gettin' pissed off about the gay thing, right? Well, my mom didn't know that I was listenin' to Afro Man back then. Hiro: What is that? Lance: Look him up, he's hilarious! Best song, Colt 45, hands down.
Ears: It's pretty funny, gotta admit. August: THAT SONG. IS SO. GROSS. Walter: When I was in middle school I heard some of the other kids singing it, I was sooo confused! August: Weren't you like FOUR in middle school? Walter: HAH HAH no, I was seven! August: PFFFT, OKAY, well that's still awful. Walter: *nods* Lance: My mom asked me if I was gay for the last damn time before I brought out my little laptop and started BLASTIN' Colt 45. Marcy: What even is that song?? Lance: It's literally just a rap song about the Afro Man having sex with dozens of women and being real vulgar about it, but not like your normal rap song. August: It's kind of like a parody, but it's not? Marcy: *sits back* Ew. Lance: Heh heh heh, yeah, when she heard that she went OFF on me. She was like "WHERE'D YOU FIND NASTY TRASH LIKE THAT YOU DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW" and started whippin' at my ass with the hand towel! (Laughter) Lance: I was running away cryin', screaming "I WAS JUST TRYIN'A TELL YOU I'M NOT GAY" and she goes "THAT'S WHAT OVERCOMPENSATIN' LOOKS LIKE!" (Their laughter is loud, boisterous, and unapologetic.) Ramsey: You get in trouble?! Lance: BIG TIME. Actually -- HA -- yeah, that's how I got into the military, she said "fuck this child and his stupid gay ass, he's gonna be a marine," stuck me on a plane and shipped me off. (The laughter is settling, but still genuine.) Lance: Nah nah I'm jokin', that's a joke. But yeah, I wasn't allowed on the internet for like three months after that. Walter: Hmhmhm! Did she finally stop asking? Lance: Yeah, yeah finally. I think that was the last straw. Marcy: Hey, where was your dad during all this? Lance: Oh god, you know him, he just kinda...stayed out of it, heh. He's definitely the more submissive one. But that's all right, mama's good to him. Killian: I personally adore your mother. Lance: Yeah, 'cos she showed you my baby pictures. Killian: You had the fattest fuckin' face on any infant I've ever seen. Lance: Whatever! You probably weighed like 18 pounds when you came out, you tank! (Walter unintentionally leads into the group laughing fit with a heavy "PFFT!") Killian: *laughing* I was thin as a rail 'til i was 17! Lance: Nah, you was what took down the Hindenburg, 100%. Killian: Bitch your face WAS the Hindenburg! Those CHEEKS! (The laughter only gets harder. The stories go on, the happiness rolls on forever. Eventually, Joy and Tonya join the group. This really is Walter's family, and it's perfect.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's a little cheesy, but we could use some of that right now. I had this idea of Walter and Wendy a couple months ago, but never once even spoke of it. I thought i would do art for it sooner, but here we are -- better late than never. I'm glad it took until now, because i wouldn't have shaded it then. Been feeling sentimental lately, and SiD is a huge part of my heart now. This was actually done on the last page of the first sketchpad i used for SiD! Apparently, i abandoned the drawing pad with ONE PAGE LEFT >8U SO DUMB. So with me being emotional, feeling a need for closure and wanting to add one more thing to the book, i decided this was the perfect subject matter. I don't know when i'll draw for this movie again since Marvel has swept me away, but I think i'll always be paying attention to it. I think this is one of those things that just will forever mean the world to me.
<3
#Spies in Disguise#Walter Beckett#Lance Sterling#Marcy Kappel#Joy Jenkins#Eyes and Ears#Spies in Disguise OC#Wendy Beckett#Lovey#Jeff and Crazy Eyes#Killian#Tristan McFord
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Me as we speak. Beers and cigs. In a park for it to more "normal" to drink than in my apartment, nut yeah.. alone in a park with no friends and beers aren't, eh.. the thing. Would be nice if it would cure my fucking brain. As for now, the beers only numb me. Unfortunately. And oh yeah, heavy metal forever I'm so stressed right now. Like my heart and mind are racing - I took a pill to slow down my heart beat, and I had 3 with me.. I'm allowed to take 4 in 24 yours if I need it, if I'm extremely nervous regarding something. I REALLY have the urge to take the rest 2 I have on me.... like if it would stop my heart from beating I wouldn't have these fucking thoughts and diagnosises (English isn't my main language, in lack of a better word), I would be not here. Like gone. But at the same time I'm sad about the thoughts of hurting my family and few friends. I attempted suicide a few years ago (I know you can't commit suicide with these 3 silly pills but you get me if you know about being suicidal). My family got very worried, even though I've had depression and anxiety for yearrrrrs. I just opened my second can of beer and I just want to cry. Even tho I don't know WTF to cry over. I'm numb, but depressed. Can't feel WTF I'm feeling, even tho I feel very, very sad. I hate it. I can't feel myself, and that wants me to cut EVEN more, which is a fucking bad combo. Last time I cut myself very bad, I was sooo drunk it didn't even hurt. It only hurt the day after, physically and hurt way more mentally. The doctor said I had cut at least 2-3 cm deep, which is like 1 inch US, I guess. And 10 cm long - 3-4 inches (?). If I had hit a vein (it was in my thigh where very big veins are) I would not have been sitting here omw to be drunk and cutting again. It is a miracle I didn't hit a vein so deep it was and I would have bleed to death, because it took hours to get someone to have time to get to my apartment. The nurse said it NO DOUBT should've been stitched, but my parents wouldn't take me to the ER..... On one side, I wish I had bleed to death because then I didn't have the fucking problems I have. I would be at peace, like Chester Bennington (I really liked Linkin Park's old heavy music, but I realised their song Heavy was exactly how I felt and feel, but because I don't like pop, I didn't listen to it then). And.... on the other side, I know how much it would hurt my family, well, kinda, some of the peeps didn't show much emotions when I attempted suicide) While writing this I haven't counted the cigs and beers I've had, and I have no intention of going home to my apartment right now. My main goal this evening is to find the way to my apartment and not do too much fucked up stuff to myself. Not so I need medical attention, because it is so damn embarrassing, and because my nurse knows me, she knows I can't lie about how I "fell", looking up my journals and shit. But at the same time it makes my parents realize the pain I'm in and have been for years. It's very divided. After I cut myself very badly, they took me to their house, but they wouldn't get me to the ER, even tho it was no doubt to be stitched. And at my parents' they store loads of loads of beers, "in case the neighbors or some friends would drop by", so yeah, they have started my problem with alcohol. Ironically while I'm sitting drinking beers on a Tuesday night (well, it's Summer holiday, who counts). They don't think they have a problem with alcohol *cough* x10000000, but my mom ALWAYS ask me if I have been drinking and how much. I have been encouraged to ask her the same, so she knows how fucking annoying it is to be asked, but I don't dare it. Especially because they help me finance me living in my own apartment, away from THEM. So I don't want any trouble there. But again I want her to know how annoying it is. Like frustrating, but I don't dare. Again - very divided... I hate my depression, and I hate my anxiety. I logically want to bond and make friends but my anxiety tells me "hell no!". And my depression makes me feel like I'm not even worth friends. I take meds and all but I'm still stuck and alienated because I'm transgender. A psychologist told me I cut like a girl. And another wanted me to explain how my genitals look like. And the "official" clinic to "treat" transgender people don't believe I can have anxiety and depression because "you can't have both"?! I have been on T for 4 years, and it's 4 years since my top surgery, but nope, because cis people can't be depressed and know their gender identity...... fuck them. Unfortunately I can't because they're the only ones allowed to treat us So, this rant has already gone thru a lot of topics, both back and forth. At the moment I don't want to be here, alive, but at the same time I won't tell my parents because it's so toxic being there. Both me getting anxious about my dad, but also about them having tons of beers available. My mom can feel and see me being depressed, so I hope she doesn't want to visit me, because she will know right away. And I just don't want to go to their place even tho I want hugs and knowing everything will be ok. But it won't. I just know. I've officially been like this since I was 15, and I'm 22 now. And I've had anxiety all my life. Because of my dad's uncontrollable, spontaneous rage. I don't want to go there, but I want help financially (because then I can't even pay my food, and no cigs or tobacco, oh shit), and I want to stay neutral so to say. It's past my time to take my evening pill, Seroquel.. It normally treats schizophrenia, but in low doses it's against anxiety and depression. It makes me sleep kinda ok. I couldn't be without that pill. On one hand, I just want to cut, cut to actually feel myself. But even tho I'm cautious, I'm scared of fucking up, like the last big cut, and at the same time I want to sleep. Sleep to not having to think (well, having nightmares, but not thinking in a normal way) I don't know. I don't know whether I'll ever get better. In any way. Even with meds, which is fucked because I don't have a psychiatrist anymore. I used all the consultations, and my doctor is transphobic and shit. I Hope my laptop will work and I can game because that has been my escape and extreme joy the past 12(?) years On another note, it's kinda a joy I haven't needed to pee because that's a hurdle as well. I have my STP with me, but it's still a challenge because I'm FTM. This to too much of a turn about being transgender, I'm sorry folks So my decision so far is to have the 2nd last beer I have and then go home. I think. People passing by periodically and I still worry if I pass or not. My thoughts. My fucking thoughts.... can I uninstall my brain somewhere? And like, install better features Trying to get my spirit up with some great heavy metal, well metal of all kinds. I hate pop but metal is so satisfying And regarding bad thoughts, when I bought the beers, I calmly thought about being hit by car. As if i "fell" while the lights were red. Why the fuck do I have these thoughts.. Again, what the.... fuck?!
#depression#depressed#depressive#anxiety#anxious#suicide#suicidal#suicidal thoughts#linkin park#chester bennington#beer#cigarette#cigs#cigarettes#fml#fucked up#drunk#drinking#ftm#transgender#ftm transgender#STP#do i pass
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Chapter Thirteen : PARIS IS BURNING
Who hasn’t seen Paris is Burning ? Apparently, a lot of people.
Presented at the Toronto Film Festival in 1990 and made available to the general public the next year, Paris is Burning is a documentary feature film which chronicles the life of African-American, Latino gay and transgender communities through their love of the ball scene subculture. Wait. What is the ball scene ? — Give me a minute, fool.
The movie was conceived and directed by Jennie Livingston, a Yale student who after studying photography and painting started getting an interest in film while living in New York City. They came across two young men in Washington Square Park voguing and… Wait. What is voguing ? — Don’t you have any patience ? IN. A. MINUTE. She then went to her first ball (wait, what is… — shut up. Just shut up and listen) and filmed what was going on for a class assignment. That’s when she met Venus Xtravaganza.
Wait. Who is Venus Xtravaganza ? Well, great question at the right time. Venus was a transgender performer whose life became of the main emotional and narrative arcs of the movie. When arriving in New York after being basically kicked out of her New Jersey family home, she joined the House of Xtravaganza — and before you start asking anymore question, a House is a collective groups of performers serving a surrogate family structure that also compete in the ball scene in order to win trophies, prestige and respect. At the time of filming, Venus was an aspiring model. She joined the scene in 1983. Unfortunately, she was murdered on christmas day 1988, while the movie was still undergoing sessions of shooting. Her killer was never found.
Venus is just one example of the incredible gallery of characters Paris is Burning offers us for 78 terrific minutes.
Angie Xtravaganza : founding member, Mother of house Xtravaganza and mentor or Venus, this extraordinary transgender performer was an active member of the ball culture. She too died just a few years after the release of the documentary, at the age of 28.
Pepper LaBeija : from House LaBeija, who took over from Crystal as the head of the house, a titled she kept for over 30 years. A drag queen and fashion designer, she won close to 250 trophies during her time in the ball scene.
Dorian Corey : Drag queen. Fashion Designer. She does most of the explanations about the cultural key expressions of the queer and ball lives. She was the founder of House of Corey. She died the same year as Angie Xtravaganza, also due tocomplications from Aids.
Octavia St. Laurent : An activist trans woman and ball performer who went on to become an Aids educator and LGBT Icon.
Willi Ninja : now known as the godfather of voguing, a gay dancer and choreographer. His moves were the principal “inspirations” of the 1990 Vogue movement of the mainstream pop music scene.
Paris Dupree : a drag performer, founding member and mother of the now legendary house of Dupree. The movie takes its name from one of Paris Dupree’s annual ball theme.
There’s also Sol Pendavis, Freddie Pendavis, Junior Labeija… So many incredible personalities and vibrant human beings immortalized on screen.
To go back to Livingston’s journey, she used the images and audio recordings she got to make a teaser/trailer for a potential movie she could film on the ball scene. That gave her enough funds to start following those people around. It took seven years to complete the movie, as the funds were coming from at least 10 separate sources, shooting in 16mm was expensive and some additional material were important to capture after the death of Venus.
At its core, the movie explores the elaborately-structured ball competitions in which contestants, adhering to a very specific category, must “walk” the non-runway. They were judged on their dance talent, quality of clothing and realness of their drag. Most of the editing alternates between footage of balls and interviews with the main “cast”. Through those interviews, we get a glimpse of the subgayculture the general public is missing : the idea of gender roles, the meaning behind every ball, the character’s personal stories that reflected the dreadfulness of their societal situations. Obviously, the film also explores delicate subjects matters such as Aids (a rarely evoked subject back then), racism, poverty, violence, homophobia and also the lives of sex workers in the mid-80s. For the first time on a big screen, people got to really talk about what it’s like to go through a sex reassignment surgery and the difference between being a drag perform, a transvestite and a transgender person.
It is incredibly touching to see those kids, most of them no more than 25, talking about their dreams of fame and fortune, desperately trying to get a glimpse of that through the ball scene, going as far as stealing clothes in store to have something to wear and compete for the honor your their families. As the queer community was still unrecognized by society — especially in the 80s when the Reagan administration were letting people die on the street — , those people were trying to earn a status they called “legendary”. At a time when they didn’t know for how long they’ll be before being taken away by the AIDS virus, their strength of spirit is heartwarming.
It is interesting to note though that the primary result of Paris is Burning’s release was not actually shading a light on those who are dying, but to give mainstream media a new obsession : Voguing.
Now, time for one of your fucking stupid question. Wait. What is Voguing ? Well, legends say that Paris Dupree, mother of the Legendary House Dupree, attended an after hours nightclub called Footsteps and there, two Gay Black men were throwing shade (shade : a backhanded compliment) at each other. Paris had a copy of Vogue magazine in her bag. She took it out and started dancing then suddenly stopped, posing to the beat of the music imitating the models’s poses. That “provocation” was returned in kind by the two Gay Black Men, which turned into a friendly competition. The word voguing was taken from the magazine that started it all. Though disputed, this theory is incredibly compelling. Less disputing is the fact that Paris Dupree was the inventor of the competition categories since it was her who introduced them in her House’s first ball in 1981.
Anyway, one of the dance’s inspirations is also the Ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphs. You take pose and stretch your body into the most wonderful positions possible. Everybody knows what Voguing is, even if you are Vanessa Hudgens and you’ve just been introduced to it recently ‘I’m sooo into Voguing right now!” They are currently three distinct styles of voguing at the moment : the OLD WAY (a formation of lines, symmetry and precision in graceful, fluid-like actions. Historically performed as a duel between two rivals) the NEW WAY (more rigid movements couples with limb contortions at the joints and “arms control” such a tutting and locking. It has been described as a modified form of mime and was created to display the dancer’s dexterity) the VOGUE FEM (extreme exaggerated feminine movements influences by the old, the new and also ballet, jazz and modern dance. It can be dramatic or soft, and has 5 main subcategories — Duckwalk, Catwalk, hands, Floorwork and Spins & Dips).
The term “Vogue” and subsequent dance moves were put into the mainstream zeitghest on March 27, 1990 when Madonna released her new single, inspired by the gay underground scene. The song was created as part of the soundtrack for Warren Beatty’s Dick Tracy and went quickly to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, staying there for three consecutive weeks. Madonna was praised for bringing the subculture ball scene in the fore front of music, but don’t ever think for a second that she invented anything. At best, it’s a great song that serves as an homage. At worst, it’s a complete steal and culture appropriation that shouldn’t go unnoticed.
Ironically, Voguing was invented by people striving to look like Vogue Models while in the end, the general public (and Madonna herself) were trying to look more like them. Beautiful, if you take a second to think about it.
Upon its release, Paris is Burning received incredible reviews from critics and won several big awards, including a Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival. It was named one of 1991’s best films by The Los Angeles Times, The Washington post and Time Magazine, among others.
Unsurprisingly, the movie failed to receive an Academy Award nomination for Best Documentary Feature. The country was just getting over their Reagan-influenced ideals and the subject matter of AIDS and homosexuality would not hit the Oscars until a couple of years later, when Jonathan Demme, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington and Bruce Springsteen teamed up to make an unforgettable oscar-worthy movie called Philadelphia.
A question you didn’t ask is : What is the legacy of Paris is Burning ? Well you see, other than an incredible movie by itself, Paris is Burning is also a tool for queer youth to explore and use when necessary. For the scholars and students of this period of time, it is an extremely rare and precise examination of race, class and gender. For queer people, it’s a way to meet their ancestors, since most of them died within a few years after production wrapped.
Paris is Burning’s legacy also lives on with Ryan Murphy’s new tv show, Pose, which debuted on FX in June 3rd, 2018. Quite revolutionary on its own merit as it employs actual transgender people to play transgender people on screen. It is the biggest LGBTQ+ ensemble cast and crew in the History of television, with Janet Mock becoming the first transgender woman of color to write and direct an television episode. Pose follows the lives of transgender women and gay men in the New York ballroom scene of 1987, as the HIV/AIDS epidemic was growing stronger and deadlier. Truth be told, employing transgender women to be transgender women is a liberating thing for the viewer, very much in the tradition of Paris is Burning. You forgive the first couple of episode where the acting is not always as good as it should be but if you’re patient, your eyes will tear up, your face will crack and your hips will move. Season 2 started this week. An essential show.
Paris is Burning gave us life, gave us pose, gave us everything. It’s a piece of work so precious it will live on until life on earth ceases to exist. And for those ballroom performers who appeared in the film, whether they’re still here with us or departed, they truly deserve the status of “legendary”.
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Meet Trans Comedian Making Fart Jokes an Act of Resistance
New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/meet-trans-comedian-making-fart-jokes-an-act-of-resistance/
Meet Trans Comedian Making Fart Jokes an Act of Resistance
“I love to create very dumb and stupid shit,” says comedian Patti Harrison. Jessica Lehrman for RollingStone.com
Patti Harrison is seated onstage at an ACLU fundraiser in the dimly lit backroom of a Brooklyn bar. It’s a comedy show, but the room is somber – it’s been mere days since Donald Trump was elected president. Despite the upsetting turn of events, Harrison appears overwhelmingly put together. She has the alert, composed posture of an honor student on the first day of school. When she speaks, her tone is measured and polite, as if she is selecting each word carefully from a basket of perfectly ripened apples.
She tells the audience how deeply upsetting the election has been for her, a trans woman of color. She has also just landed her dream job as a comedy writer, and she is rattled by feeling so high and so low so swiftly. She proceeds to quietly read the pitches she had to bring into work the day following the election and the room fills with ripples of laughter that escalate into shrieks and roars. One is a show called “Son Boss” – a father promotes his son too many times until he realizes his son is now the boss. Harrison punctuates the premise with a deadpan, “Uh oh, Son Boss.” The audience wails.
Eight months later, Harrison found herself in front of an audience of millions. President Trump had tweeted that he would ban transgender people from the military and The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon invited the 26-year-old Ohio native to share her thoughts on the proposed ban. Harrison was polished and charming as ever as she chided the president, saying, “Donald, you are so stupid, you are sooo stupid. You’re lucky you’re so hot.” The appearance was a hit – earning nearly 400,000 views on YouTube, thousands of retweets on Twitter and a headline in The New York Times. It was a surreal moment for Harrison who, in the face of the current political climate, speaks with as much reverence for the power of fart jokes as she does the importance of trans rights.
“I love to create very dumb and stupid shit,” says Harrison, “And that’s the funny thing – when people seek me out as this like political comedian, I literally just want to joke about IBS and farting.”
Harrison still performs in the basements and backrooms that make up New York City’s alt-comedy scene, but she is poised to become the most visible working trans comedian in America. You may recognize her from her comedic videos about queer and trans identities. Or perhaps you’ve seen “Patti Reviews Animals,” where she serenaded a squirrel monkey, delivered heartbreaking news about Steve Irwin to an alligator and confused a Patagonian cavy, a South American rodent, with Sofia Vergara. If you haven’t seen Harrison yet, chances are you will soon. With a recurring role on season two of TBS’s Search Party, a guest role in the current season of Broad City and a small part in Paul Feig’s upcoming film, A Simple Favor, Harrison is suddenly everywhere. But perhaps the biggest role Harrison has been asked to play is that of mouthpiece for the trans community. Harrison’s identity as a trans woman of color, paired with her general charm and poise, make her a perfect go-to for witty commentary on trans rights – even if her humor is rarely overtly political.
Jo Firestone, who writes for The Tonight Show and has produced many live shows featuring Harrison, adores her absurdist, gross-out wit. She recalls a card Harrison made for her. “[It] had a goofy cartoon character on the front … a cute little poodle – and then on the inside, the doodle-poodle had developed breasts and a penis and balls and was bleeding from the mouth and screaming out, ‘My body is a cage!'”
Harrison is like this on stage, too. Her tone is polite, composed and inviting. When paired with her pointedly stupid jokes or characters – which alternate between sweetly wholesome and ultra vulgar – the effect is disarming. It’s like watching a cashmere sweater unravel and reveal hundreds of blood-thirsty baby spiders – horrific and captivating.
��She has a warmth about her that is very exciting,” says Firestone. “She just has ideas that nobody else has and her overall demeanor is so interesting. She’s so calm on stage and so in control but also so strange.”
Although Harrison’s live act isn’t improv, it retains the off-the-cuff energy of her improvisational roots. She often dips into characters who are both endearing and repulsive. She loves, for example, to play old people who are horny. And she adores the opportunity to sing a silly song doing an impeccable Stevie Nicks impression. In a recent “bats and rats”-themed comedy show in New York City, Harrison asserted that she definitely knew what bats and rats were before she crooned, “I’ve seen the love on a child’s face know, yeah I know that love always wins. But I never learned this one thing.” She pauses dramatically before bursting into the chorus: “I don’t know what a bat is / I don’t know what a rat is, too / I don’t know what those things are / Is it like a shoe?”
Harrison says much of her humor is inspired by growing up in Orient, Ohio, a rural town where she was often the only person of color in an almost exclusively white community. The daughter of a Vietnamese immigrant mother and a father with roots in Detroit and Tennessee, Harrison quickly learned that, in order to survive, she had to sympathize with those who openly mocked her. “I think a lot of me trying to blend in was me co-opting the racism that was used against me in a way – being OK with it. Like, ‘Yeah they’re calling me chink but they mean it in a nice way. They’re not racist, they hang out with me every day! Sure, they make jokes about me eating rice all the time, but they invite me to the movies sometimes!'”
“She just has ideas that nobody else has and her overall demeanor is so interesting. She’s so calm on stage and so in control but also so strange,” Jo Firestone says of Patti Harrison. Jessica Lehrman for RollingStone.com
Harrison, the youngest of four sisters, credits her siblings for helping her to see that she didn’t have to accept other people’s biased behavior. “My sisters were really smart,” she says. “And they sort of planted that seed in me that I actually don’t have to put up with this if I don’t want to.”
Growing up, Harrison also loved MadTV, especially its female performers and their unabashed wildness. “People like to shit on MadTV,” she says. “But it was this hub of female excellence and female character comedians like Debra Wilson, Nicole Sullivan, Mo Collins, Stephanie Weir – all of these people that are just like powerhouse performers.”
But it wasn’t until college, when a friend invited her to an improv show, that it occurred to her to perform on stage. She was immediately smitten with the form and auditioned for the improv team at Ohio University. She was elated when she got in. “That was the defining moment in my college career. I felt like, ‘Wow, I’ve accomplished something.”
When Harrison finished her fourth year of college, she came out as trans. Her family was supportive but coming out wasn’t without its uncomfortable conversations. Having switched majors, she still had credits to complete for her degree, but she ultimately decided not to return to school. Instead, she moved to New York to earn her living as a famous improvisor. “I thought that was a thing you could do,” she laughs.
Performing after she came out as trans was markedly different from her college stage experience. “My command changed,” she says. “Before I transitioned, I felt like I could walk on stage and just, like, say anything and people would just laugh. And that’s kind of a privilege that I just lost through the layers of social context and me being visibly a political object in a lot of people’s brains.”
Like all comedians, Harrison must face the challenges of connecting with an audience, but being trans often adds an additional layer of division between herself and the people from whom she’s hoping to elicit laughs. “It’s like, ‘Oh that’s a trans person.’ And that’s the conversation they’re having in their head throughout my set,” she explains.
Harrison still vividly remembers the cutting feeling of her first brush with transphobia as a performer. “One of the first shows I did in New York, I got on stage and this person in the front at normal speaking level was just like, ‘Oh that’s a guy. That’s a dude,'” she says. “And I had to keep going. And I bombed. Because I felt so disarmed in a bad way. It immediately got me in my own head.”
Harrison says she now feels mostly at home in the spaces where she performs, especially in Brooklyn where she knows she has allies. “I perform in spaces that are very inclusive and protective,” she says. “I feel more comfortable knowing that there are people around [who are] progressively minded who will have my back.” But there are still moments that give her pause, particularly when friends introduce her to people who turn out to be transphobic. “People are like, ‘Oh this is bla bla bla, he’s so nice, he’s great!'” she says. “And then it’s like, oh I have to stand with this guy who won’t look at me.” Harrison also has had the feeling she’s been booked for shows by men who are eager to identify as allies, but who are clearly uncomfortable interacting with her. “It’s like, ‘I’ll put you on the show, but oh do I have to touch you? Do I have to hand you the drink ticket?'”
Following her appearance on Fallon, Harrison was briefly flooded with requests for interviews. While it was an opportunity both for visibility as a performer, and visibility for the trans community, Harrison noticed an upsetting pattern in the questions she was sometimes asked by her interviewers. “I think it’s important for people to know [that I’m trans],” she says. “For the most part, there’s not a ton of out and working trans comedians, or people who are visible. [But] sometimes those questions [about being trans] have been a gateway to more invasive questions.”
Those questions are invariably about the intimate details of Harrison’s transition. She’s been asked various times whether she’s had surgery. “It’s always about sexualizing you,” she says. “It’s always about ‘Can I fuck you?’ and ‘How can I fuck you?'”
Dylan Marron, a writer and performer who got to know Harrison while working with her at comedy site Seriously.tv says he was instantly impressed with Harrison’s writing and her sensibilities as a performer. “I think what makes Patti so brilliant – in terms of needing more representation in media – is that Patti is just so fully herself,” he says.
Marron recalls a video Harrison made in 2016 after Brooklyn Magazine released their 50 Funniest People in Brooklyn list. The video was captioned, “To congratulate everyone whose name made it on.” In the video, Harrison gazes forlornly offscreen, scanning for her own name. She realizes she hasn’t been included, turns to the camera and asks theatrically, her voice strained, “Where’s my name?” She sobs, rises and exits dramatically, on rollerblades.
“Queer art is all about subverting further levels than you ever thought possible,” he says. “I think that’s what Patti does so beautifully.”
The daughter of a Vietnamese immigrant mother, Patti Harrison says much of her humor is inspired by growing up in Orient, Ohio, a rural town where she was often the only person of color in an almost exclusively white community. Jessica Lehrman for RollingStone.com
While she recognizes the value of representation, Harrison also says there’s something affirming about getting cast in parts on Broad City and Search Party, neither of which were written with a focus on the characters being trans. “It’s a good sign when we can have a marginalized person on screen – any person of color or LGBTQIA person – and there’s no shoehorn explanation as to why they are there,” she says. “They can just be on screen and their character motivations are what they are and they’re not like ‘Oh this is my maid. She’s trans, but she’s also a flute player.'”
“I think in some places it’s like, yeah someone in the midwest needs to see that I’m a trans character and I’m a person,” she says. “But for me it is very rewarding to get to just act and not have to think about my otherness for a few hours.”
In the same regard, Harrison often feels that speaking about the silly and mundane sometimes feels like its own political statement. “I’m learning now that just being a visibly marginalized person and not addressing it in an artistic space is almost more political than for me to be on stage talking about it,” she says. “It’s fully a privilege to be an artist and not have to talk about your oppression in your art. If you don’t have that challenge – you get to make art about a hoverboard!”
As for the dismal political landscape, Harrison says it’s only driven her to keep creating the stupidest jokes possible. “I think in the way that a lot of people’s bodies release tears when they’re stressed or sad, my body releases horrible, horrible jokes about bird assholes and the dumbest things I can think of, because – even if it’s just for a second – it [provides] relief. I guess the equivalent of taking a deep calming breath for me is like farting in a beautiful musical tone,” she says, adding, “Or farting with a dear friend! If you’re doing it with a friend you can harmonize a chord.”
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