#sometimes you just gotta hit a motherfucker with another motherfucker

[sailorblossoms-rankane]

there's a gag that essentially 1. shows both Ranma and Akane's flaws for laughs (but not to judge) 2. relies on assumptions and misunderstandings so it can do "raunchy" comedy without really compromising how fateful Ranma is to Akane

There's plenty of perverts in rumic world (their harassment is the setup & beating their asses the punchline) but despite his assholery, Ranma is sorta chivalrous, and he's faithful to Akane (everything else is a challenge/battle).

That's the joke: what if an innocent guy is seen as a pervert

He's often in those types of situations because of naivete and impulsivity – he doesn't think until he's already in trouble (or what he thinks is naive or dumb). It's also plot (or someone's plot). No way "gotta touch a tiddie (pressure point) to defeat her" won't look bad. Any person with a brain would realize that, but that's also the joke:

1. the situation is impossible not to misunderstand

2. Ranma genuinely doesn't realize until it's Too Late. So Ranma is dumb but always innocent, and for that, the formula is as follows:

The setup: the reader ALWAYS gets all the context BEFORE he's put in a compromising position. The other character is generally someone Ranma "shouldn't struggle to deal with." The punchline is that we know he's innocent, but he looks guilty to the character discovering him.

I can see not loving this gag as sometimes Ranma is harassed/invaded. I think the logic behind this happening to him (and not to the girls for example) is that "he's not vulnerable" "wouldn't happen if he grew a spine or used his brain" or something (also, fanservice) it is what it is. (imo some shit definitely doesn't land, but the manga has the ability to make wrong and/or extremely out-of-pocket shit funny just by the strength of its pacing, composition, and characters' expressions)

Part of the humor is also that for Ranma, it's important that Akane doesn't misunderstand (he ALWAYS wants to explain himself to her)... so of course she will lol but it's not just Akane! ANYONE who catches ranma misunderstands.

Here's the thing:

Akane is insecure (remember we learn that she felt like she needed to change herself to get love in the first volume – growing out her hair like Kasumi – experienced an unrequited crush for years, and other fiancées show up just as she's discovering her feelings for Ranma). She's quick to anger, impulsive (Ranma is too) she will hit first and listen later...

But even if Ranma is innocent, Akane's reaction still makes sense as an emotional response. She never gets the context we do before she catches him in a compromising situation, and you'll be hard-pressed to find a single motherfucker on this planet who would be chill seeing their significant other in the situations she finds him.

Akane is very jealous, but it's not like she's beating his ass because another girl breathes in his direction. The comedy always pushes both in extreme situations. Even if logically Akane knows Ranma, insecurities and emotions aren't logical.

(here's the context behind this panel btw)

Akane needs a lot of reassurance, but the comedy often pushes her BEYOND her limits, so she reacts badly. Even if there's always an explanation, finding your significant other in compromising situations regularly would piss any bitch off. At some point you just want it to stop.

Assuming the worst is a consequence of insecurity and being used to having unrequited feelings. But Ranma also does stupid shit like sneaking into a woman's apartment. Getting overwhelmed with anger and struggling to listen makes sense as an emotional response to that.

Sometimes is more about Akane not feeling like she's desirable enough for Ranma, who's surrounded by cute girls, so even if he's faithful she still believes he's interested in someone else. Sometimes she's perceptive, but still frustrated by having to find him in those situations (or stuff like... sure, she doubs Ranma is trying to actually date their teacher, but he's never ~romantically giving her his coat~ to protect her from the cold now is he).

If it keeps happening, Ranma's innocence by itself is not enough to suppress a bad gut reaction. That it is happening at all is also the problem, especially if it's happening because Ranma jumps into situations without thinking.

Something to also keep in mind is that they're both teens sharing a single braincell. Being FULLY aware of the situation doesn't suppress the emotional response. Because... emotions aren't logical!! (and that too is part of the joke)

[antiv3nom]

Bedman (Romeo)

omg havent had an excuse to talk abt bedman in a hot minute thank u anon...

favorite thing about them:

i love the tragedy of his story arc... that feels like a weird thing to say but its the first thing that came to mind! just. look. the road to hell paved with good intentions bit taken to the extreme really works here!!! the idea that he remembered the name of every person he ever killed because he was under the impression he could bring them all back, only to have the rug pulled from under him? hurts me! in the best way!!!

other than that i do enjoy his design, both romeo himself and the bed :] i wanna give my bedman cosplay another try sometime for sure, it didnt work out for various reasons but i have most of the components and would enjoy cosplaying him fr in the future

least favorite thing about them:

i think i dont really dislike anything about the way bedman is written in the source material strongly enough to point it out here? i think my main gripe is the way the fandom treats him to either extreme, like theres "bedman did nothing wrong ever" people and "bedman is horrific" people and i wish both camps would chill out and recognize hes like. a complex character? but i do think most people do this already which i can appreciate

favorite line:

im a little obsessed w his win line against may in xrd

"I do not understand humans who are motivated by love. A person is born, lives for a number of years, and interacts with up to eight billion people. What proof is there of something they can't even define?"

bc like. buddy. you dont even realize it. YOURE driven by love. all this shit wasnt just for yourself but it was for delilah too!!! fuck!!! you dont even see it as love you see it as necessary because shes that important to you!!! and dont even get me STARTED on the bed in strive and how its still running because of his last minute code additions which almost act as the last part of his will to protect delilah. GAHHHH

brOTP:

BEDMAN AND AXL INTERACTIONS. PLEASE. PLEASE. their dynamic is so interesting as characters with such fascinating ways of interacting with the world...gah. GAH. and no one fucking talks about it!!!

OTP:

sinbed. must i wlabo.

ok but i will, im not as into them as i was like a year ago but i still do really enjoy their dynamic. sin being such a beacon of hope and being so willing to see people as good contrasted with a post-xrd living bedman (bc all my sinbed stuff exists within au but im having fun out here so sue me) seeing himself as inherently evil due to his actions despite his intentions and believing no one would ever care for him? it hits for me

nOTP:

i dont know of anything off the top of my head that ive seen for him??? nothing prevalent at least.

actually on second thought i think ive seen like one instance of bedman and ram in a romantic sense, and that im not a fan of but i guess i could see the appeal, just not my thing

random headcanon:

this motherfucker would have gotten heated in some internet forums or wiki talk pages, DEDICATED to accuracy out here and he WILL fight you about it

unpopular opinion:

not entirely certain i have one? i think the "bedman while flawed is not actually a terrible person and was doing his best given his extremely fucked up circumstances" is a pretty cool take by this point for most people

i think the only thing i have is that my interpretation of bedman has always been as like a young adult rather than a kid but like i dont really have a concrete opinion on that and i totally understand people who do see him as a kid like its entirely understandable to do so

song i associate with them:

other than his character themes, its GOTTA be dramaturgy by eve, which just. it gives the vibes. read the english lyrics it will make sense i prommy

favorite image of them:

THE EEPER...

OTHER than this one its more an animation but his 6p in xrd is so silly i love it so bad...and for a more serious option his instant kill is really cool

[newtonsheffield]

So... in take a deep breath... might there be a peircer at Anthony and Ben's shop that has always been interested in Anthony? (Don't mind me, just fishing for Jealous!Kate 👀👀)

I honestly think Anthony and Ben do the piercing themselves. But I think there’s plenty for Kate to be jealous of.

Because while Anthony doesn’t really notice parts of people he’s tattooing or piercing, he’s focused on the art, that doesn’t mean that people don’t hit on him. And Kate really does try not to be jealous, because it’s his job, and she knows that he’s totally committed to them and their son, sometimes she just gets a little jealous.

Especially when she goes in to visit Anthony at work one afternoon, Neddy on her hip, and there’s a woman giggling at her fiancé.

She watches as the woman bats her eyelashes while Anthony dips the top of his machine in the ink, shrugging at something she’d said.

“Apparently there’s this huge party this weekend, love music, that sort of thing. I can text you the details if you like.”

Kate rolled her eyes and a tiny flicker of jealousy in her chest, annoyance rising with it.

Anthony laughed, his muscles flexing as he worked in the tight muscle tee he had on, colorful ink covering his pale skin. “My party days are a long way behind me now.”

“Oh come on, there’s gotta be something I could say to get you interested.”

Kate watched as Anthony clicked his tongue wiping down the fresh tattoo with a flourish, “Unless they’re playing radio Disney I’m out, Man. Since my son was born that’s pretty much all I listen to.”

“Oh.” She seemed surprised but shrugged anyway as he wrapped it. “Do you have him this weekend?”

“I have him every weekend.” Anthony winked, “Me and my girl are equal parents. We don’t really do that whole, Mum looks after the kids thing.” He snapped his gloves off as he gestures to the picture of the three of them on the wall. “She’s beautiful right?”

Kate’s heart fluttered in her chest and she felt something a little delicious in the way the woman’s face fell. “Yeah, she is. Cute kid too.”

“He’s my little dude. I’m a lucky motherfucker, honestly.”

“Neddy!” Kate said dramatically, as though she’d just stepped in. “There’s Daddy!”

Anthony spun around at the sound of her voice, his face lighting up, “There she is!”

He kissed her gently, tugging her against him just the way he always did before he kissed Neddy’s forehead, blowing raspberry that made Neddy squeal with laughter.

“Hey you.”

“Hey.”

Anthony stared at her for another long moment before she adjusted his cap on his head for him, jerking her head towards the woman.

“You’re being rude, Babe.”

Anthony startled, blinking at the woman as though he’d never seen her before he cleared his throat. “Shit, sorry! Let’s go through aftercare. Sorry, I can’t focus when she’s around. Makes my head fuzzy.”

And Kate couldn’t buy back the smug smile as she waved Neddy’s hand at her.

[sheena-is-a-punk-rocker]

Sometimes brains are assholes, and that's okay

Got a prompt request for a Rick sick fic with Harley taking care of him over on AO3 and this is what I came up with. Not your typical sick fic!

The apartment is dark when Harley gets back from her roller derby match—the first one Rick’s missed since she got out of prison. She’s trying not to be too broken up about it though, he told her before she left that he wasn’t feeling well and was gonna try to nap.

She drops her skates and padding by the front door and makes her way to the bedroom, expecting to find Rick dozing in bed. Except the only thing on the bed is the rumpled sheets that haven’t been touched since this morning.

She starts to panic. He wouldn’t just leave without telling her—that’s not like him.

The only option left is the bathroom. The door is ajar but the lights are off. “Rick? Baby, you in here?” she calls out cautiously as she flicks the lights on—trying not to imagine the worst.

“Ow!” she hears. “Too bright!”

She breathes a sigh of relief now that she can see Rick—who’d managed to squeeze all six foot one inch of himself into their tiny ass bathtub.

She turns the lights off and uses the moonlight shining through the bathroom window to find the tub. She kneels down and reaches out to touch his back. His shirt is soaked with sweat and he’s shaking a little bit. “You okay, hun?” she asks—immediately shifting into what Rick has dubbed her Doctor Mode.

“Migraine,” he grits out.

Ah yes, those pesky migraines he’s been having. Not surprising given the fact that he’s had four concussions since she met him—and that’s just on missions they were on together. He hasn’t had one in a while though.

“Baby, I thought your doctor gave you meds for those.”

“Ran out. Thought I had a refill but I don’t. I’ve been trying to get a hold of him to get an emergency refill but he won’t pick up the fucking phone—as usual. Fucker probably doesn’t even think I need ‘em. And eventually the headache got so bad that I ended up in here.”

Here, meaning where it’s darkest and coolest, she realizes.

“Did ya try the pharmacy?” she asks, as she runs a washcloth under the faucet.

“They won’t fucking refill it unless the doc pushes it through!” he yells, and then moans as another wave of nausea hits him.

She places the cold washcloth on the back of his neck and he lets out a sigh of relief.

“I’ll be right back, hun. Where’s your phone?”

“Living room, I think.”

She kisses his temple before leaving the bathroom. Time to yell at another doctor.

-------------------

Rick focuses on his breathing and trying not to vomit as Harley leaves to presumably yell at another one of his doctors. Honestly, as much as he appreciates her, he’s not really sure how much further she’ll get. He’d been on the phone with the pharmacy and doctor’s office for hours. They just kept putting him on hold.

“How’d I get your personal cell phone number? I’m Harley fucking Quinn, motherfucker! Now push the prescription through or I’ll break your kneecaps—pharmacy closes in an hour.”

Maybe he spoke too soon.

He hears her come back in and feels her fingers carding through his hair. “I’ll be right back, baby. Gotta go pick up your meds.”

The room continues to spin as he lays there pathetically in the bathtub. He’s not sure how long Harley’s gone for—could be hours for all he knows. He’s too nauseous to focus on anything but not puking.

“Sit up for me, hun.”

“I don’t wanna,” he moans. “Too dizzy.”

“I know, baby, I know. But I got your meds right here. You’ll feel better, I promise.”

It takes a monumental effort to sit up but he manages to do it. Harley hands him two pills and a glass of ice water. He throws the pills back obediently and then sinks back down to the floor of the tub, laying on his side since it’s so fucking tiny.

He hears some shuffling behind him and then Harley’s squeezing herself behind him, spooning up against his back and looping an arm around his chest. They both barely fit but instead of feeling claustrophobic he feels comforted, and safe.

“It should kick in faster since I gave ya two,” she says quietly—slipping a hand under his shirt to rub his chest and stomach softly.

He focuses on that feeling as he waits for the nausea to subside and his head to stop pounding.

Next thing he knows he’s being shaken awake. “C’mon, baby, let’s get ya into bed.”

“But I’m comfy,” he whines—and truly, he is. The most comfortable place he’s ever been is wrapped up in Harley’s arms.

“Baby you’re gonna hurt your neck if ya sleep in the tub.”

He complains the whole time but lets her pull him out of the tub, stumbling a little as the blood rushes back to all the right places. She catches him easily and guides him back to their bedroom in the dark. She sits him down on the bed and rummages around in one of his drawers for a pair of pajama pants that she throws at his head. He catches them and manages to change into them without too much trouble.

She ushers him under the covers and slides in behind him—spooning up against his back again and kissing the back of his neck. “Get some sleep, hun, I’m right here. I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

“Might need to knock me out with your baseball bat,” he jokes, even as his eyes drift shut.

“Shut the fuck up—I know you’re exhausted, asshole.”

He manages a small chuckle. Just before sleep claims him he feels Harley squeeze him around his middle and hears her whisper, “I love ya, baby.”

He’s too exhausted to echo the sentiment back but grabs her hand and squeezes it in response.

He falls asleep to the feeling of Harley’s breath on the back of his neck and her hand wrapped tightly in his.

[roachsource]

𝐣𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐚𝐡 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 #𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐱. some lines from the eightysixth episode of the jeremiah wonders podcast by jeremiah watkins featuring guest josh wolf. tweaked a bit here and there for easy usage, but mess around as you see fit to send!

"how are the gains?"

"the gains are good!"

"last time we talked, you didn't have the gains set."

"it's called a style. have you heard of it?"

"are you a virgin, though?"

"you wanna know how sex works?"

"sounds like somebody doesn't know how sex works!"

"can you hear your [other parent] and i when you're in the basement?"

"it's my silent chamber of death."

"why can't i bring another creature into this madness?"

"that crow is getting chubby. we gotta gotta get him out and get him to spread his wings."

"okay, you can't fat shame my crow!"

"i'm just saying we want a healthy crow, you know? if we're gonna have a crow in the house, let's make sure he's a healthy crow. that's all."

"i sit in my basement with my pet crow."

"yeah, i'm a big x-files fan. what's up?!"

"he's downstairs most of the day listening to avril lavigne tracks with his pants off."

"let me ask you something about the fingerless gloves: have you ever thought about just going no gloves?"

"we should talk about your relationship with your brother."

"that's what family is! or so i heard, on family matters."

"it's assumed that i'm not welcome there."

"are you still lactose intolerant?"

"i'm going to hopefully be dead soon."

"you know what pisses me off? nothing fazes you! you've heard it all!"

"i thought i was blending in with the darkness."

"i might have to murder you right here."

"do you have to make it sound like you're trapped in a well when you say that?"

"you're troubled youth."

"stop making weird noises in the basement."

"it's like you're tripping. not that i've ever done drugs."

"this sounds like those ... who were those kids trapped in the cave?"

"[speaking into a voice disguising device] do i sound different?"

"i'm outside with the food."

"let's just say we had a wild friday night."

"sometimes i just light up for the fuck of it."

"sometimes i'm just walking down the street and i say you know what i'm gonna do? i'm gonna light this motherfucker up."

"i'm pretty fucking far from okay."

"that's right out of pulp fiction, motherfucker."

"that hit the bottom of my third vertebra."

"we got the meats."

"i'm so hungry, i could eat a tree branch."

"i'm so hungry, i could eat a bat's nest. do they have them?"

"oh, girl, i know exactly what you're talking about."

"you ever been jerked off while you're hungry?"

"oh, my bad, motherfucker."

"yeah, i can hear nine voices in my head. this is trippy as fuck."

"would you like some spinach?"

"if i had that at my house, i'd be divorced."

"i think the only work you're doing — you know the work you're doing — is not up to par."

"i would never threaten you."

"you're being very passive aggressive right now."

"sometimes i get a little too in my head, where i'm not too present in conversation."

it's a sense of urgency i put on myself."

"i would love to join a dead body on the side of the road."

[tsuki-sennin]

Hirogaru Sky~! Episode 31! Finally I get to be on time and punctual~! I forget the premise of the episode, but that's okay~! New enemy I think? Kinda weird since we've only had Minoton for a few episodes, but I don't mind! Should be fun, yeah?

Spoilers, I guess...

-Mashiron...

-This is how your moms met, Elle-chan.

-You may or may not remember.

-Arte

-Oh thanks, Dad.

-Oh

-Oh man, I was kidding but goddamn

-Already she's hit her rebellion phase.

-Even Jesus had one of those.

-Poor Sora. Absolutely devastated as a father.

-Despair! Not even Ageha is immune!

-Huh.

-Well, when I was a kid, being made to play dress up was an easy way to instantly sour my mood.

-"TRENDY KID SPOTTED."

-Oh I just realized the cars are 3D models.

-I mean of course they would be.

-Did

-Did the audio just cut off there?

-Hang the fuck on, I gotta check something.

-You're fucking kidding me, EVERY episode of Hirogaru's locked behind PREMIUM on Crunchyroll YOU MONEYGRUBBING FUCKS-

-Y'know how Crunchyroll started as a piracy website? I'm gonna go one step further and say it's now a privateering website.

-Right I was gonna check to see if Elle cutting off was a mistake on Toei's part or if it was the simulcast, but apparently I'm not allowed to.

-Anyways, don't let The Man get you down~!

-Right, where were we before I started ranting?

-Ooooooh

-A gym...

-Ohhhhh, hello.

-Empress Underg appears.

-You tell her, man!

-...okay, fine.

-That's a new guy.

-Sent him to the Shadow Realm.

-...okay, what if she were the big purple sky voice who gave Elle to the King and Queen?

-You pick out a dress too then, Tsubasa-kun!

-Oh

-What a marvelous coincidence.

-...can Pretty Cures sue for copyright infringement?

-I mean technically they did make those designs.

-Or is this like in the Showa era where sometimes a Rider or Sentai fan meets their heroes while riding around on like a Battle Hopper tricycle?

-Alright Elle-chan, lay it on us. Who is officially best Cure?

-Booooo, cop out!

-This is so adorable though, I won't lie.

-Is that another Peach Airline plane?

-Tsubasa, you sellout!

-No sleeves for Butterfly, I see.

-naptime

-One day...

-*Sniffle* They grow up so fast...

-"Get outta the road, jackass!"

-Ohhhhh, he's got nothing for us, huh?

-So this is what hell looks like

-An empty parking lot in the middle of a foggy forest.

-Hey there. Who the hell're you?

-"She is in the hands of the Underg now."

-"I have not lied

-S

-Skearhead

-I love the hannya mask look, don't like your very unfortunate name.

-Sky instantly went for the chromedome.

-Not even calling out attack names, goddamn.

-YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU THINK AGEHA CAN AFFORD CAR INSURANCE AS A COLLEGE STUDENT?

-Man...

-Ohhhhh

-There it is.

-The intro.

-Do it for our princess.

-Or rather...

-Hello there.

-Hirogaru Change!

-That... is a wonderful design.

-"Cure Majesty." Many people saw you far ahead of schedule, but I didn't! I was a good boy, I avoided spoilers!

-Mind palace, shut the fuck up, dude

-I really appreciate Majesty's debut going for quiet awe instead of sheer hype. There's no celebration, no massive finisher, just someone understanding they're outmatched and just leaving. It fits in great with the mystery surrounding Elle and sells her angelic stage presence in so few words.

-Just the animators popping the fuck off and making this gorgeous descent.

-:)

-Oh hey Nodoka. I almost forgot, your mid-season Cure is also technically a God Baby~!

-N-no need to flip me off again, I was just saying! And yeah, don't think I didn't notice this time!

-Who is the mysterious Cure Majesty? Who knows~!

[outofcontextmarvel]

[New Warriors Vol 1 #6, 1990]

[sugar-petals]

SuperM Fluff & NSFW Notes

↳ 🌹aka some of their romantic antics plus random 18+ imagines 👋

warnings ⚠️ rated (super) m, boyfriends hc, porn mentions, partial fem!reader, sex toys

FLUFF

since baekhyun knows how to make scented candles, he creates one for you as a birthday present with your favorite fragrances.

every entry in mark’s diary involves fond thoughts about you.

taemin kisses you more than his cat kkoongie on a daily basis so let that sink in. his smooch obsession is getting out of hand.

lucas, having giant fingers after all, learns how to knit in order to make you a warm scarf. he’s still a bit clumsy with it and had to call kun for advice, but the result is surprisingly proper and quickly becomes your favorite item. it’s a little huge but well, he thinks in his dimensions. lucas’ next project is a beanie.

ten overwhelms you with pet names. in fact, he seemingly seems to come up with a new one each day.

kai is a candlelight dinner, rose petals and music kinda guy. he does every old-school thing in the book.

taeyong can cuddle endlessly in bed. he just doesn’t wanna leave.

lucas gladly shares his sweaters. they’re ginormous so, perfect cuddle material.

baekhyun is already a fool. so — when he falls in love, he becomes an even bigger fool. or, the contrary happens: he becomes dead silent around his partner because he’s so enthralled. he can take this more seriously than you think.

mark likes to write little cards and many many texts to express his love.

lucas is the type who can help you put on your jeans when they were shrinking a bit too much in the dryer. he’s pretty sexy like that and things can get really touchy.

cheesy fucking kai, and there’s only one guy who would do this, has actually lowered himself over a puddle once so you would have a bridge. brushed it off like a daily workout rep.

not one shower missed without baekhyun joining you. yes, it’s not always sexy time, he likes it when you shampoo his hair and whisper sweet nothings. and obviously: it’ll all devolve to a laughing fit.

taeyong is the type who wants to be proposed to.

taemin will get a motorcycle license and take you for a frequent ride. he loves getting those kind of back hugs.

both ten and lucas are great at making bracelets. wayv’s dorm is fully equipped with charms, strings, and pearls, so expect matching ones for you.

we’ve seen it, that one’s his favorite move. kai wraps his hand around your shoulder when you walk together.

mark will ALWAYS share his melon.

making you swoon on a DVD evening is lucas’ favorite hobby. he will buy you the most sugary-sweet romance movies. he will often browse streaming sites to select the latest sentimental plots. all these dramas seem to have a male lead who is suspiciously tall and lanky.

if you allow him, taeyong customizes your white tees with his cute drawings.

since taemin swims in money thanks to his profession as the god of kpop (yes, this is a registered job name because i say so), he can fulfill you any wish. he’s stingy and pouty when the shinee hyungs can pay, and the motherfucker baekhyun is even richer since his albums have been taking off so he opens his mochi wallet when superm is gathered, but you... are a different case. taemin will humbly empty his entire pockets when he overhears you gushing over something. there’s a voice in his mind going: must splurge!!

mark loves christmas, you establish an annual tradition to stage a whole couple evening.

baekhyun likes to play charades and especially do karaoke with you. he’s always cutely wiggling his butt and dances like a drunk uncle. he hits the high notes anyway and makes sure you score 100 points.

taeyong can make out with you while at the same time making sure that the milk doesn’t get burned on the stove. kiss’n’stirr multitask tyong alert. gotta make sure the cocoa is served in time, you know.

all the members enjoy playing board games. yep, imagine the fun and sheer chaos.

lucas has the funniest laugh ever indeed. he’ll react to all your jokes, no matter how lame they might be. intensely reassuring.

taemin’s hand is basically glued to yours.

taeyong and mark are the kinds of boyfriends that spoil their partner with skincare. fancy a nice face massage with a nice fragrant oil?

baekhyun has been baking heart-shaped pizzas ever since you started dating. he just can’t make them round anymore.

mark will join you on anything you’re currently bingewatching. 

kai sometimes — only half-jokingly — goes down on both knees bowing forward with his hands on the ground just to show how much he wants to thank you. in case you didn’t notice: this guy treats you like a deity.

ten usually gets confused glances from the other members whenever he gets the current date wrong: he simply loses track of time with you.

lucas makes a habit of buying you flowers every other week. but on unpredictable occasions, and he arranges them in places you’d never expect.

taemin will build you a weird-looking snowman to make you laugh, and give it an even stranger name. ten will build one that looks like you. kai doesn’t build snowmen, he just stands there challenging you to throw snow balls at him.

mark will hang out with you at the beach constantly bringing his guitar. he’ll serenade you all the time.

returning from three months of touring, baekhyun has once climbed your balcony when your parents were in the other room. yep, he was that desperate to see you. somebody give this man a rope and helmet.

taeyong writes down heartfelt confessions on 365 folded slips of paper so you can open one every day. your reactions will range from ‘awwh!’ to straight-up tears.

ten does regular couple yoga with you. a mildly challenging form, not the circus acrobat version. he’ll do the difficult parts anyway. you can pretzel this guy up, he’ll do anything to make you laugh.

when it rains you hook your arm around his, and lucas always holds the umbrella. even the wildest gush of wind can’t make it turn inside out. you arrive home entirely dry. xuxi is so cute, he’s also a great source of cooling shadow in the summer without even trying.

taemin’s skinship overdrive doesn’t stop with endless hand-holding, back hugs and kisses. he wants to lay down in your lap whenever he can. he looks damn pretty with his hair splaying there. if you work on your laptop, you can pretty much count to ten and he’s already nestled there.

kai does pushups with you on his back. it’s a staple. each time he does one, he says ‘i love you’. he increases his count every day.

NSFW

it’s no secret that taeyong is great at acting or pulling off any outfit and costume. expect roleplay of the finest kind — literally. he looks good in a firefighter uniform. you’ll be burning up pretty much automatically.

taemin can’t keep his tongue in. it’s terrible. he’s always in the mood for head. his sloppy noises are the absolute worst, it turns you on way too fast.

lucas had some major problems finding condoms that fit him.

ten and taemin are so switchy, they have an unresolved power struggle going on. begs for a dominant third party to help them out.

kai owns expensive latex gear.

baekhyun may be the king of vocals and breath technique, but if you push him far enough he does get hoarse.

taemin often jokes how kai will one day break his dick from fucking too hard.

meanwhile, mark’s dick is already falling off – from fucking too often. this guy has some major hormones going for him. no surprise, a guy who can promote in four kpop groups at the same time is a stamina king.

taeyong likes eating pussy with another party involved. three’s a crowd my friend. sometimes it’s taemin who unleashes his spit waterfall power, sometimes it’s baekhyun who preoccupies himself with nibbling at the inner thigh while taeyong digs in.

taemin owns the most underwear.

mark takes valerian drops because he is so nervous in bed. it never really goes away, it’s his nature.

taeyong keeps a lube collection. a different flavor for all occasions. he likes associating certain scents with specific body parts.

kai has a heels kink. he literally goes wild over it.

taemin likes to have sex with favorite glasses on.

taeyong and kai are the most likely to cry during sex. baekhyun as well if you rough him up enough. 

mark gets rock hard the fastest, followed by kai. he’s a grower.

taeyong gets the best inspiration for a song when he gets a casual dick riding.

taemin watches extremely x-rated erotic thrillers and bdsm flicks that are heavy on the plot. he gets more invested in the characters and actors than you think. since his japanese is amazing? of course he also owns a giant 90s hentai collection. 

when he’s jerking off, baekhyun chokes himself. a) because he’d make too much noise otherwise and b) because asphyxiation is his favorite thing.

kai feels pleasure in his every cell. he cums the hardest. and, as you can expect, his body expresses it the most extremely, accurately, passionately. if you’ve seen it even once, you’ll never look at him the same again.

taemin has less experience than his discography claims, but more than you’d think. he researches sexual techniques as well. you can brace yourself.

mark has not just a tiger inside, but a freak inside, waiting to be unleashed.

sex while gaming is a go-to activity for baekhyun.

lucas has the best stamina when it comes to getting head.

taemin throws his head back during sex. and no, he doesn’t T-pose. i’m kidding — of course he does. but only when he’s on his back.

taeyong tends to grip a pillow when he cums.

or he humps one when he’s by himself.

ten has the best taste in sexy time playlists.

baekhyun has the best taste in singing his own playlist along.

oh, the things kai has bought at a gas station at 3AM.

baekhyun sucks strap the best. he can open his mouth the widest, drools a lot, and makes the best noises unsurprisingly.

how to turn on lee taemin? he likes getting slapped.

since he’s the most avid and most diverse eater, lucas’ sperm tastes the best. he’s shove 50 fruits into his system just to give you a sweet experience.

mark is absolutely a starfish. 

kai wears fishnet tops if you fancy it.

curiously, baekhyun out of all people doesn’t announce when he’s cumming. you’ll hear it, though.

taeyong’s dildo collection is one for the books.

taemin has visited a pro dominatrix a couple times. needless to say, he was the #1 favorite client at the dungeon. having fully submerged into a fantasy world, taemin was one whip crack away from falling in love with the mistress. but then covid happened and the venue closed.

mark’s dick looks really pretty.

taemin can grind on the strap at every humanly possible angle. he’s almost always ready to take it. he carries a prep kit.

kai — that fucker — knows how to make you wet the most with his bare hands. prepare for the thigh ride of your life, too.

taeyong, baekhyun, and taemin have the best arches. kai is coming for the top three as well. ten’s arch is so good, it can’t be considered one anymore.

baekhyun knows every adult movie out there. theoretically, nothing can shock him. in reality, he melts in your hands.

taeyong is so sexually active with you, he has quit eating garlic.

kai will exploit your muscle kink in any way he can.

taemin, being a devil, has that one button on his phone that he can press when you go out for dinner. he’s OBSESSED with getting you off. once you head home, it’s basically running down your thighs.

ten has once opened a condom with scissors to scare away a date that grew weird on him by the time it got to the do.

lucas is too tall for doing missionary normally.

this will surprise nobody: mark is great at constantly keeping up the dirty talk.

baekhyun’s car is sort of like a brothel on wheels. he can’t count how many times he got down and dirty in there. he cleans it all up by himself.

kai can technically grip you the hardest but he’s the gentlest and great at caressing the whole body.

taemin has the easiest time saying what precisely he wants. he is also the best people reader — most your wishes he can pretty intuit. taemin observes your interests well.

ten likes his hair pulled and makes angelic noises when you do so.

baekhyun likes camgirls and erotic chats with strangers online. he spends a lot of money for nsfw internet encounters.

[actualbird]

Crawls in here once again since the week is almost over and i thought of another ask that might be fun, what r ur thoughts on nxx team at a haunted house (amusement park or otherwise www) -Marsh

ELLO, MARSH!!!! thank you so much for this ask!! answering this was so much fun :DDDD

okay so i decided to forgo amusement park haunted house bc artem already does that in SSR Loving Memories so we Know how he is in a recreational haunted house (aka rambling about SAFETY REGULATIONS why is this man like this smh) n i dont wanna be redundant SOOOO

nxx team for some reason have to go into an abandoned house that is heavily rumored to be haunted as hell. theyre on....an investigation. and they all have to be there all at once....dont think about it too much, i sure didnt HAHA

in the tradition of scooby doo, somebody suggests "let's split up, gang!" for utmost hilarity and also because a grp of five people goin thru a house like a pack of meerkats is a bit silly KJJSKGSF

so here are my proposed teams: vyn + mc + artem, luke + marius

my rationalization for these teams is because each team needs a "supernatural skeptic/person who isnt scared" to balance out the one in the team thats like "supernatural MAYBE this place is CREEPY n im A BIT SCARED do NOT JUDGE ME/im NOT scared i just HATE THIS"

vyn + mc + artem

vyn and artem are the staunch skeptics who are balancing out mc's jumpiness and mc would like it ON THE RECORD that she doesnt believe in ghosts but she gets jumpy sometimes!!! in her defense this place is CREEPY AS HELLS

so like while theyre going through rooms looking for whatever theyre looking for, vyn and artem are trying to comfort her in their own specific way

artem goes and rambles about the non-spooky explanations for all the rumors of this house, people like to go to the easiest explanation for unexplained things, though the easiest route isnt necessarily the most logical one---

vyn serenely tells mc Well, Actually the perception of supernatural quite often comes not from reality but from the outwards manifestation of a person's personal fears so it's less indicative of a place and more indicative of the person themselves---

and vyn and artem are trying to be the More Rational Person

mc, internally: (guys...i know you guys are trying....but it's NOT EXACTLY....HELPING....)

because honestly what mc needs right now isnt people telling her how her fears are absolutely nothing to worry about. what she needs is just her two friends being there for her even thru her irrational fears

eventually vyn and artem do clue into this and actually start being NOT IDIOTS about being good haunted house exploration partners but they only clue into this AFTERRRR each of them get SPOOKED AS HELL FIRST they gotta get a taste of their own medicine.

it's very funny to me that both vyn and artem have Really Good Aim (vyn with bow and arrow, artem with GUN) so when a sudden creak happens outta nowhere theyre both like O_O and then IMMEDIATELY throwing the first thing they can find at the noise

vyn throws a pen like a frigging javelin and artem just throws his wholeass phone, so much for rationality, huh, fellas?

the noise turns out to be luke and marius, stumbling upon their team, and thanks to vyn and artem's great aim, both those items hit luke hard in the face

well thats one way to get rid of mc's fear, because she bursts into a peal of giggles

but how were luke + marius doing before coming across them?

marius is DEAD FUCKING SILENT the moment the team splits up and luke is like "huh, didnt take marius for somebody who believed in ghosts" but luke doesnt bring it up because this doesnt seem like a light kind of spooked that luke would want make fun of.

like marius is pale, his breathing is shallow, his clenched fists are in his jacket pockets but luke can see that his hands are trembling

so luke fills the silence with investigation talk to get marius' mind of it, and luke is glad it works a little bit, even if marius' replies are monosyllabic. luke glances at marius and sees that the fear in his eyes has been replaced by his Thinking Gaze and great awesome

until they get to a room that is just. wayyyy fucking colder and darker than the rest of the house

and marius' fear slams back into him like a battering ram. he doesnt jerk back through the open doorway though, he just kind of stands there and luke is like "uh. you dont have to go in if youre scared---"

"i am not scared," marius grits out because come on. hes gotten over this, hasnt he? [spoilers for marius ssr in the darkness] fine, whatever, he had a bad time as a kid with cold dark places but mc had helped him get through it, back then, in the cave on nosta. surely one good experience is enough to completely erase a childhood fear that has followed him all the way to adulthood?

(no. it isnt. it helps, but sometimes it's not enough)

[spoilers for marius ssr in the darkness] back in that cave, marius admitted to mc why he was acting the way he was but he sure as hell isnt going to tell LUKE, NO SIREE, MARIUS IS FINE, marius trudges into the horrible room as he valiantly ignores just all the terrible alarm bells going off in and luke just like.

oh it's not ghosts he's scared of it's. the dark

luke doesnt exactly Know Completely what the Best Way is to comfort the other members of the team (theyre all cagey motherfuckers one way or another but hey, hes a cagey motherfucker too) but he cant like...not do anything. marius obviously doesnt want to be called out but luke wants to help anyway so he has to find a way to ground marius while also giving marius an excuse aaaaand----

luke clears his throat, extending his hand towards marius in the darkness of the room. "this place is old, the floor is uneven. i think it'll be better if we uh. held onto each other, so we dont trip up."

thank GOD THIS ROOM IS DARK because marius feels his face go a little warm but fuck it, yes, he would rlly like this, so he's like FINE and then holds luke's hand

ABSOLUTE SILENCE FROM BOTH OF THEM AFTER THIS, THEYRE JUST INVESTIGATING NOW WITH NO WORDS

but luke notices that marius' trembling hand stops shaking for a moment when luke squeezes his hand.

and they get thru their half of the house, hands linked the entire way, and they meet up with the others and luke gets projectiles thrown at his face

mc's laughter and the split second chaos is the perfect distraction to let go of luke's hand and nobody notices. nobody has to know. NOBODY

and of course they find whatever thing they were looking for KJBKJSDKFGS anyway in conclusion: the nxx team would be a disaster in a haunted house but theyve got each other's backs :D

[no-psi-nan]

First Hand PSIence Fiction

Rating: Explicit (very) Pairing: Saiki Kusuo x Kuboyasu Aren Word Count: 16.4k Status: Oneshot, Complete

In another universe, Saiki Kusuo grows up not as an esper but as a god, tasked with distributing blessings, fending off natural disasters, and maintaining order. It's a hell of a burden to bear, even with divine powers, and sometimes Kusuo wishes things were different. Then a rambunctious alien shows up to destroy planet Earth and everything changes. This Kuboyasu Aren claims he's after Earth's resources, but mostly just ends up stealing the local god's heart! Local God Saiki x Alien Gangster Kuboyasu AU Enemies-to-Lovers Speedrun + Lemons. Inspired by the Crime and Divine Punishment AU co-developed with Freakshow!

Lightly censored "Mature" version below the cut...

Censored Content: actual sex/lemons expunged Warnings: discussions of sex, makeouts, heavy petting Word Count: 13k

"Saiki-sama, excuse me sir–"

[It's my day off.]

"Yes sir, I know this, but it's an emergency–"

[Is it really?]

"There seems to be an alien spacecraft approaching, sir!"

[ … ]

[Good grief. I guess that is an emergency.]

[I'll take care of it. But I don't want to see a single human being for the next 24 hours.]

[Seriously, I hardly ever get a day off and now this one is ruined.]

"Yes, of course, Saiki-sama, n-no problem. And thank you."

[What a pain.]

[[ ( Ascension ) ]]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[[ ( Manifestation ) ]]

[ … ]

[Is this seriously what they call an emergency? I had to put on the bodysuit and full regalia for this?]

[When they said "alien spacecraft", I was picturing something like the Enterprise. Or at least the Millennium Falcon, good grief.]

[But this just looks like a glorified motorcycle!]

[The rider is completely exposed. Who designed this??]

[It looks like an ordinary human biker, too. Helmet, jacket, pants, boots, gloves. No cyber feeling at all!]

[And why couldn't the military handle this? What else are they getting paid to do at this point??]

"Woah‼️ That dude just appeared out of nowhere⁉️ Guess the reports are right, the Earth does have its own little god actively protecting it. I've gotta get a closer look – he probably won't smite me if I keep enough distance right⁉️"

[ … ]

(Art by @oatmealcrisp-freak)

"Ohh shit, this earthling is fucking gorgeous!! He keeps looking at me with those pretty pink eyes… and is that a fucking halo⁉️ Weird-looking scarf thing, but I dig the colors and his skirt… No scars and not much muscle tone but real elegant and fancy looking, especially with that veil… He looks like royalty and boy, I wouldn't mind being his liege…"

[ … ]

"Too bad I'm here to do a job. He probably won't want to date me after we drain his planet of water, huh?"

[You're planning to do WHAT??]

"‼️‼️‼️ Oh shit, have you been listening this whole time⁉️"

[Yes.]

"Uhhhh, even the parts where I was hitting on you?"

[Yes.]

"Is it too late to pretend I was kidding?"

[Yes.]

"And you're not mad about it⁉️"

[ … ]

[Hey. Stop driving around me in circles, what a pain. You're going to give me a crick in the neck.]

"Hell no dude, I'm gonna keep checking you out if you're not mad about this whole thing."

[ … ]

[Good grief, I'm still mad about the whole "draining my planet of water" thing!!]

[You and I both know I'm the local god, so obviously I can't let you do that!]

"Aww, come on, there are plenty of other planets out there! I can take you to some real choice wor–"

[[ ( Solar Ray ) ]]

"OH FUUUCKK–‼️"

[ ?! ]

[Hey–]

[Hey, what the fuck?? Get off of me!!]

"BRO YOU EXPLODED MY FUCKING SPACE BIKE IN THE MIDDLE OF MOTHERFUCKING SPACE, WHAT THE HELL ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO GRAB ONTO⁉️"

[NOT ME!! LET GO OF MY LEG!!]

"No fucking way I'm letting go of you now, bastard‼️"

[SERIOUSLY, STOP STICKING ONTO ME!!]

"HELL NO, you'll have to tear my corpse off first‼️"

[NONONONONO OFFOFFOFFOFFOFF–]

[[ ( ASCENSION!!! ) ]]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[[ ( MANIFESTATION!!! ) ]]

They slam down onto the floor of the temple as soon as Earth's gravity grips them, the edge of Kusuo's halo clanging against marble as it takes the brunt of the fall.

[Oh SHIT–]

Kusuo leaps to his feet and grasps desperately around the rim of his halo, ignoring his literal hanger-on as he reassures himself that none of the limiters screwed into it were damaged. The alien quickly recovers from the fall and scuttles backwards on all fours.

"Aww fuck, my helmet's cracked to shit‼️ I can't see dick like this‼️"

The alien stands up and Kusuo watches warily as it looms a head above him, a network of fractures crisscrossing the dark glass front of its helmet. It raises its gloved hands to remove the damaged helmet when Kusuo is struck by the realization that while the figure seems humanoid in shape, he really has no clue what kind of creature is beneath all of that gear. He steadies himself, lifting up hands that crackle with divine energy.

Under the helmet is a rugged jaw and grey-tinted lips, a sharp nose, and striking purple eyes behind ordinary eyeglasses and dark ruffled hair. Very much human-like, except for the beautiful lavender freckles scattered across his complexion, and undeniably masculine in a way that makes Kusuo's gaze linger.

The alien's feline slitted pupils dart from side to side until he spots Kusuo, then his pupils widen as he takes in Kusuo's form with great interest. Kusuo can't help but blush, especially when he notices that in his distraction his hands have stopped glowing. The alien winks at him, then looks around the spacious temple room they're in with a furrowed brow.

"Where the hell are we and how the fuck did we get here⁉️ Did I pass out or something⁉️"

[I simply ascended and manifested.]

"What the fuck does that mean⁉️"

[Think of it as teleportation.]

"…What? Teleportation⁉️ You can do that⁉️ Ain't that just some sci-fi shit?"

[You are literally an alien who came to destroy my planet.]

" …Welp. Can't argue with that. So what is this place?"

[I am a god. This is my temple.]

"That checks out. Got a name, or should I just call you 'God'?"

[Y-yeah, I have a name.]

[Um. People mostly call me Saiki-sama, seeing as I'm their god.]

[But as an alien, you're outside my jurisdiction. I guess you can call me Kusuo.]

"Kusuo, eh? I can dig it… Pretty name for a pretty god."

[G-good grief… ]

[But more importantly, who are you?? And why are you here??]

"Good questions, good questions. But first, tell me: do you know of the Spiral Armistice Roundtable?"

[ …No? Should I?]

"You really don't know the SAR⁉️ Haven't y'all gotten any alien visitors before⁉️"

[ …Not in my lifetime… ]

[And if there were any before that, I seriously should have been informed, what a pain… ]

"Ahaha, so what you're saying is that you have no way to report to the authorities that you've got a wanted intergalactic criminal here, while my gang knows exactly where I am and is on their way here right now?"

[ … ]

"Well, if it's just going to be you and me here, then there's no need to hide my identity now, is there⁉️"

With a flourish, the alien grabs his glasses and tosses them carelessly to the side before setting his broken helmet down on the floor. Kusuo watches with perhaps too much interest as the alien pulls his gloves off with his teeth, revealing strong freckled hands.

The alien notices his rapt attention and grins wide enough to show off his long elegant canines, whistling cheerfully as he slowly unzips his jacket. Kusuo flushes because he's obviously putting on a show for him, and yet he can't look away. He's mildly disappointed to see that the alien is wearing a black turtleneck sweater under the jacket, until the zipper moves down enough to reveal very large pecs. Kusuo swallows hard.

When the zipper reaches its end and the alien tugs his jacket open, Kusuo admires the powerfully muscled arms crossed over his belly, accentuated by more of those gorgeous purple freckles. Then Kusuo does a double-take. Two bare arms crossed over his belly, two clothed arms holding open the jacket. Four arms total, and Kusuo watches with wide eyes as the bottom arms uncross and rest their hands on the alien's hips.

Visibly pleased by Kusuo's fascination, the alien drops his jacket on the floor with a seductive faux-carelessness, and something stirs behind him, catching Kusuo's eye. Well-aware of Kusuo's curiosity, the alien does a slow little twirl to show off the incredibly plump tail he'd somehow hidden in his jacket. Just under five feet long and stretching from hip to hip at its widest, his tail is almost entirely purple due to having so many freckles along the top of it. Kusuo can't stop staring as his tail flexes and curls, flashing a pale underside in a blatantly suggestive fashion.

Then the alien leans down and Kusuo's gaze is drawn down sculpted thighs and thick calves, undoubtedly strong enough to support his extra arms and longer torso and enormous tail with ease. The alien undoes his space boots, and steps out of them, revealing freckled, mostly humanoid feet. He settles onto his tip-toes, spaced farther apart than a human's and splayed more widely for balance.

Then the alien stands back up to his full height and finger-combs his dark purple hair until it drapes neatly, iridescing shades of violet wherever the light hits it. He's still whistling casually, but Kusuo hardly hears it over the rapid tattoo in chest that has nothing to do with the threat to his planet and everything to do with the unreasonable and unfair attractiveness of his new enemy.

(Art by @oatmealcrisp-freak)

Once he's finished showing off, the alien lifts all four hands up, ready to grapple, and his palms are completely inhuman, visibly scaled and ridged like the feet of a gecko. His tail lashes slowly from side to side as he moves into a fighting stance.

"My name is Kuboyasu Aren, leader of the ESPERS gang, feared throughout the Virgo Supercluster. Nice to beat you‼️"

[ … ]

[Good grief. You really think you can defeat me, a god?]

[Kuboyasu Aren, it would be better for you if–]

"You can just call me Aren."

[ …what?]

"We're gonna be getting up real close and personal soon, so call me Aren. Easier to scream out, too."

[ … ]

"You know, for mercy."

[ …Ah.]

[The only one who will be praying for mercy is you.]

[[ ( Thundercloud Strike ) ]]

"Oh FUCK– Hey, watch where you point that finger‼️ You almost barbequed my tail‼️"

[That was the idea. Are we not fighting right now?]

"Well, YEAH, but it's real fucking rude to go after a man's tail‼️"

[It's a very large target.]

"Well, ahaha, I'm sure glad you think so~"

[What a pain… ]

[[ ( Thundercloud Strike ) ]]

"You're really cruising for a bruising, huh⁉️"

[[ ( Glacial Blast ) ]]

"Fucking COLD‼️ What the hell, man⁉️"

[You are seriously complaining a lot for someone who's supposed to be a gangster.]

"Shut up, I've never fought a god before‼️ This sucks ass‼️"

[[ ( Volcanic Fury ) ]]

[[ ( Volcanic Fury ) ]]

[[ ( Thundercloud Strike ) ]]

[Hey. Stop scuttling around the ceiling, seriously.]

[Don't hiss at me. Hold still, good grief… ]

"Then stop shooting fireballs and lightning at me‼️"

[I'm obviously not going to stop.]

"Then I'm obviously not getting off your ceiling‼️"

[What a pain… ]

[ !!! ]

[Did you just spit acid at me??]

"Maybe‼️"

[Well, stop that.]

[Hey!]

[I said [stop]!]

"Look man, there's only so many long-range weapons evolution can give you, and I think acid-spitting works pretty damn good most of the time‼️"

[It's seriously fucking up the marble!]

"Bro, you've been setting shit on fire and electrocuting stuff with no problem but scuffing up the floors is where you draw the line⁉️"

[It'll be such a pain if they have to put in new slabs.]

[They won't just let me levitate them in, they always have to bring in a whole construction crew.]

[And then I have to stay at the backup temple with the backup staff, good grief.]

"Yo, how many times have you fucked up the marble⁉️"

[Often enough to learn my lesson. Often enough to be pissed that you're ruining it now.]

"You shoulda said something, I'm not the god here! How could I have known⁉️"

[I thought it was obvious that acid won't be able to hurt me! I am a fucking god!!]

"You keep saying that, but I've never fought a god before‼️ I have no idea what kinds of shit you can do‼️"

[Even alien gods are invulnerable, aren't they??]

[All this acid can accomplish is property damage, good grief.]

[Maybe I can dry it up before it eats through the marble.]

"Uhh, wait I don't think that's–"

[[ ( Volcanic Fury ) ]]

An explosion, and Aren scrambles away on all sixes, beeping in alarm.

[Ah. Your spit is flammable, huh?]

[What a pain. That did even more damage than just the acid!]

"Well, nobody told you to shoot fireballs all over the place‼️ Damnit, I'm changing tactics‼️"

[What are you doing now?]

[Wait, stop getting so close to me–! ]

[Hey! Back off!!]

"No more acid on your floors like this‼️ And no more fireballs or you'll risk scorching your fancy clothes‼️"

[Seriously??]

"So what's your plan now, little god? Can't use your strongest abilities this close, can you⁉️"

[Tch.]

"That's what I thought‼️ And you can't beat me at hand-to-hand combat‼️ I have more hands than y–"

[I am literally a god.]

"Wh– how– oh shit–"

[I am not bound to any particular form.]

"That's–‼️ SIX– no, EIGHT ARMS⁉️"

[Did you really think this would be easy??]

"Fuuuuck… "

[Wait… ]

[Are you seriously wagging your tail at me??]

[And making… bird noises??]

"This changes everything. I didn't know fighting a god would be so interesting…"

[Hey. Stop looking at me like that.]

[What a pain, do you really find this to be more attractive??]

"I sure fucking do…‼️ You were a solid twenty outta ten before but I can't even be arsed to do the math now‼️"

[G-good grief… ]

[ … ]

[Are we– are we still fighting, or…?]

"What? Oh yeah."

Aren raises a fist as if to warn him, then throws a punch, and Kusuo catches it harmlessly in his hand. An impressed little chirp from Aren, then he begins his assault in earnest. Unfazed by the flurry of fists, Kusuo easily dodges hooks, knocks aside uppercuts, and pushes back jabs.

Seeing that his punches were having no effect, Aren steps back and pivots. Kusuo goes to block a kick but is instead side-slammed by his enormous tail and knocked several feet to the side.

"GOTCHA‼️"

[[ ( Thundercloud Strike ) ]]

"OW, FUCK‼️ Damnit, that's why I gotta stay close–‼️"

[And that's why I'll keep you away.]

[[ ( Volcanic Fury ) ]]

[[ ( Glacial Blast ) ]]

[[ ( Volcanic Fury ) ]]

"Aw fuck‼️ Ouch‼️ That's my goddamn shirt, you bastard‼️ I have to get them custom fucking tailored because apparently every other damn shirt-wearing species in the universe only has two fucking arms‼️ UGH, this burn hole is going to get bits of fiber between my scales‼️"

[Hey! Don't throw your sweater at me!! What the hell??]

"Yeah? Well, don't fucking ruin people's custom-tailored shirts the next time! Man, fuck being on the defensive‼️"

Aren lunges forward, reaching for Kusuo with all four of his visibly alien hands, and Kusuo automatically grabs the top two with his own hands. The ridges of Aren's palms press into his, dry and scaly but covered in what feels like a very dense velvet that's been brushed the wrong way.

Their fingers instinctively interlace, and they pause, looking down at their joined hands with confusion. Kusuo looks back up at Aren, and his snarl has faded into awed surprise.

"Your hands are real soft, Kusuo…"

Two more hands settle delicately on Kusuo's waist and he forcibly remembers that while he can manifest as many limbs as likes, he has to actively control any extras instead of relying on instinct. Kusuo consciously moves his spare limbs to tear the foreign hands off his waist and push the alien away, but a ripple of muscle under his palms breaks his concentration.

Then they're standing awkwardly in the middle of a semi-destroyed temple, holding hands and holding each other, but they hardly notice because they're staring into each other's eyes through a veil, mesmerized. A soft growl starts up in Aren's throat, and Kusuo startles until he realizes that it's a purr, Aren's eyes hooded over rounded pupils. Kusuo can see his own blushing face reflected in them and he looks away, watching instead as Aren's tail slowly, gently curls around his leg.

It is mortifying to be so openly and obviously wooed, but Aren is holding him like he's something precious and worth protecting. Even with the germanium bracelets on his wrists blunting Kusuo's Omniscience and hiding the alien's thoughts, he can still sense an earnest kind of fascination and awe swirling in Aren's mind. It has a different taste to the expectant veneration of the worshippers seeking his miracles, or the cautious respect of his handlers.

And gentle touch, even from strange hands and stranger limbs, was something Kusuo hadn't realized he needed, hadn't realized he craved. This close, Aren's purr warms the air between them and Kusuo's eyes trace the moonrise sky of his freckles as they frame his gorgeous face.

"Kusuo… Can I have a kiss…?"

[ … ]

[ …I could kill you, with a kiss.]

"That good, huh?"

[ … ]

[You're full of very flammable acid, aren't you?]

"Ahaha, so that's what you mean. Yes. But wouldn't it be messy if I exploded?"

[ …I guess it would be a pain to clean up… ]

"We could make another type of mess, if you want to. Heh."

[ … ]

[Are you implying– ]

[Hey. Take your tail out of my hakama.]

"Out of your what? The translator gene didn't catch that."

[Out of my skirt. Translator gene?]

"Oh yeah, I'm guessing y'all don't have that. I've got a good one from the Nelxora–"

[Why are our hands stuck together?? How–???]

"Oh, my bad‼️ Sorry dude, it's just that I tend to stick when my blood is up y'know⁉️"

[ … ]

"Real sorry bout that, won't happen again, bro…"

[ … ]

[It's alright, you don't have to look so down about it, good grief… ]

[We don't know each other at all, but… ]

[It wasn't a pain. Being so close.]

[Until your tail started getting fresh with me.]

"Really⁉️ Hell yeah‼️ So does that mean we can hold hands again⁉️"

[ …yeah.]

[Wait. We're supposed to be fighting.]

"Oh yeah. Why don't you just surrender⁉️ My gang's on their way here and once I've got wheels again, I could take you out to some real nice places‼️ We could have dinner together. Get to know each other better. Maybe make out a little."

[ … ]

[Are you serious??]

"I think I knocked over some coffee back there, that was coffee, right?"

[Wait, aliens have coffee?]

"What kind of fucking civilization doesn't have coffee⁉️ Anyways, yeah, I know this place that makes just the absolute best coffee-based foods and they owe me a favor, so I betcha they can whip up something real tasty just for us even on short notice‼️"

[Oh wow… ]

[Wait.]

[No. No, I'm not surrendering, what the fuck??]

[I'm not letting you destroy my planet just to taste… space coffee… and space coffee based foods… ]

[ … ]

"Awwwww, come on, you know you want to bro‼️ I saw you checkin' me out, we got mad chemistry‼️"

[ …whether that's true or not doesn't matter.]

[Call off your gang. Now.]

"Why would I⁉️ I've got no other ride to get off-planet since you busted my bike‼️ And if they're gonna make it all the way out here, then they might as well do the job. Murzinyt crystals cost cash and we got bills to pay‼️"

[No. I'm not letting you kill every person and creature on this planet.]

"We're not killing everyone, what the fuck⁉️ Just gonna grab your water‼️ Plenty of planets without it, you'll be fine‼️"

[No. Not having water would kill everyone and everything on the planet.]

"Ahhh. I see the problem here."

[Call off your gang or I'll kill you.]

"Sorry dude, no can do. Remember when you blew up my bike? It had all my comms devices on it. Unless ya got Megamma Wave phones here too?"

[Uhhhh… No…. What a pain… ]

"So it looks like my gang is coming whether you want 'em to or not, huh?"

[If you can't call them off, then maybe I should just kill you. As an example.]

"That would be pretty badass, not gonna lie, but I'm gonna be real with you, chief: those guys are pretty damn fond of me. So if they find me dead, they're gonna bring the whole galaxy down on you and your lil planet here."

[ …Fuck.]

"Yeah we could do that if you like, hahaha."

[No. Stop it.]

[I'm just– ]

[ … ]

[What a pain. I guess I'll just hold you hostage.]

[If they like you as much as you say, and don't want to see you dead, then they'll listen to my demands.]

"Cool cool cool. Uhh… How are you planning on holding me hostage, by the way? In your arms, maybe? Perhaps in, uhh, eight of them, even…?"

[ … ]

[Has anyone told you that you come on very strongly?]

"Umm. First time courting, to be honest. Am I not doing it right⁉️"

[ … ]

[I'm just going to start blasting now, good grief.]

"You know what? Fair enough."

[[ ( Thundercloud Strike ) ]]

[Hey. Why are you getting back on my ceiling??]

[That didn't work out so well for you the first time. What a pain, did you forget already?]

"Oh yeah⁉️ Shoot me then."

[You're seriously asking for it??]

[ … ]

[Wait. Stop following me.]

[Hey, stop that.]

[Why are you– …damnit.]

"HA‼️ Check AND mate, you handsome motherfucker‼️ You can't blast me if I'm right above you or the debris will fall right onto your pretty head‼️ And you can't afford to get too much dirt on that veil or you won't be able to see worth a damn, huh⁉️"

[ …Fuck.]

[Well, you can't do anything to me either while you're–]

[Wait.]

[Do NOT spit at me– HEY!!]

[That's disgusting!!!]

[You are SO lucky that none of your gunk got on my clothes, good gr– ]

[My tenne!!]

[Look at it, you've completely ruined this part of the silk!]

[Almost halfway through the length of it, what a pain!! There's no way I can wear this any more, except as a scarf!]

[You seriously have no idea how much effort Teruhashi put into weaving this thing, and now she's going to force herself to make another one, good grief!!]

"See how it feels now⁉️ I win‼️ You can't do shit to me, while I can ruin the rest of your clothes if I feel like it, HA‼️ Now I just have to wait for my boys to come get me and–"

[You forget that I can fly.]

"Did I really⁉️ Go ahead and try it‼️"

Scowling, Kusuo shakes off his decorative scarf and lifts off the ground, floating at the smirking, tail-wagging alien high above him. Aren swings downwards to meet him, his feet stuck securely onto the ceiling and his four hands reaching towards Kusuo. Remembering their earlier attempt at hand-to-hand combat, Kusuo tries to smack away Aren's hands to grab at his sweater or something, but Aren only laughs at him as they engage in an extremely silly slap-fight.

"You really have no clue how to grapple, do ya⁉️"

Aren catches Kusuo's primary hands and the other two he'd been consciously controlling, then threads their fingers together with a purr and a whistle. Fire stokes in Kusuo's belly at the sight of Aren's fond amusement, and he spends longer than he'd like to admit just holding hands nicely with the alien standing upside down on his ceiling.

After several moments, Aren politely unsticks his hands from Kusuo's and lets go, grinning cheekily as he conspicuously keeps his hands within holding distance. Mortified, Kusuo turns and flies away to get some distance, but Aren easily keeps pace above him, loping across the ceiling on all sixes. Kusuo tries several evasive maneuvers, but as soon as he turns to change direction, Aren is turning with him, matching his speed effortlessly.

Trying to shake off the alien proves fruitless no matter what he does, Aren easily clambering over or around chandeliers, skylights, and air conditioning vents. In desperation, Kusuo attempts to fakeout Aren, but the instant he dives at the small doorway, Aren bounds ahead, slipping through the door in the same split second Kusuo does, despite his greater length. Now they're in Kusuo's private rooms, a humbler space with less finery to destroy but much closer quarters, with lower ceilings than the main temple.

Finally Kusuo admits partial defeat, landing back down on the floor and scowling up at the alien having a celebratory break-dance on his ceiling. It is very impressive to watch, but Kusuo is nursing a grave wound to his pride that doesn't allow him to fully enjoy it.

[Don't be so smug about supposedly defeating a god, good grief. When I take my limiters off, I am invincible.]

"Take them off then‼️ I can take you on at full power too‼️"

[Tch. It's a pain to take them off.]

[Human bodies aren't built to hold so much power.]

[Even though my body is adapted for it in many ways, it's still exhausting and painful to be at my full strength.]

"Damn, that genuinely sounds like it sucks. Sorry to hear that, dude."

[ …thanks.]

"You're still not getting me off your ceiling though, ha‼️ Well, unless you wanted to hold me in your arms~ I couldn't say no to that‼️"

[Fat chance.]

"Oh hell yeah‼️"

[No, that means–]

[ … ]

[Nevermind.]

Kusuo looks up at Aren and sighs, but the alien is wagging his tail and barking a playful challenge so cheerfully that Kusuo has to hide a smile in his hand. Fresh out of ideas, Kusuo summons a broom from a cleaning closet to try to knock Aren down from his ceiling, to the alien's raucous laughter. Embarrassed, but not as mad about it as he should be, Kusuo bats ineffectively at the alien with his broom.

"HAHAHA, first time you ever held one of those, huh little god⁉️"

With one hand and two feet stuck to the ceiling, Aren pretends to lie down on it while effortlessly swatting the broom away whenever it gets in his personal space. After a few more futile attempts, Kusuo gives in, dropping the broom and crossing his arms, pouting up at the victorious alien. Aren barks and whistles and laughs, and Kusuo admits to himself that he looks very cute doing so.

But in his mirth, Aren loses his grip on the ceiling, dropping right onto Kusuo's head with a startled beep of alarm. Kusuo is knocked onto his back by his weight, and then Aren scrambles off of him, only to haul Kusuo several feet along the floor as he tries to get away, his tail lodged firmly into Kusuo's halo. Aren's desperate yanking digs the limiter spikes further into the meat of his tail, and he howls with pain and instinctive rage. He frantically tries to shake the halo off but only manages to whip Kusuo's head around quickly enough to give him an awful headache.

[STOP!! AREN–]

But Aren is in a full panic, bursting into a wild gallop on all sixes, yowling as Kusuo gets dragged along by the head and he yells, scrambling to grab at his halo despite the bumpy ride.

[NO!!! STOP–]

A frenzied minute later, Aren starts noticeably slowing, breathing heavily between panicked beeps. Kusuo scratches at the floor with his hands to try to stop him completely, but the marble is too slick and he can't get any traction. Aren's tail droops low enough that the halo starts scraping onto the floor with a horrible screech, and Aren freezes, giving Kusuo a chance to concentrate through the terrible headache.

[[ ( HAND OF GOD!!!! ) ]]

Aren squeaks as a massive, invisible hand picks him up off the floor and lifts him up in the air, hovering him just above Kusuo's head so the limiters of his halo don't dig into his tail as much.

[Sorry Aren, but please stay still, good grief!!]

"A-aight…"

The alien does his best to hold still as Kusuo manhandles him with his powers, clicking uncomfortably as he's moved around, however gently, and beeping miserably whenever the spikes dig into his tail.

[What a pain, I'm really sorry Aren… ]

[I didn't want to have to resort to this, but I don't think we have any choice… ]

[[ ( Hand of God ) ]]

[[ ( Holy Fire ) ]]

"Wh-what are you doing, Kusuo⁉️"

[We have to grease your tail if we want to get it off my halo.]

[And the closest thing I have is… ]

[ …butter… ]

"I– I don't know what– what that is but I hope it w-works…"

[ …Maybe that's for the best.]

[This is seriously the most embarrassing thing I've ever had to do… ]

[Aha! Good grief, that actually worked…!]

"Oh th– thank FUCK…‼️"

[Heh. You should be thanking me.]

[Especially for cleaning up the butter afterwards, heh.]

"Th-thanks man… for real…!"

Kusuo carefully sets the alien back down onto his feet, but Aren immediately flops onto the floor.

[Hey. Are you okay…?]

Aren looks very much the worse for wear, visibly struggling to breathe and trembling as he raises himself into his hands and feet. Even his freckles have faded from vibrant purples to dull grays. Kusuo watches with growing concern and confusion as Aren drags himself towards a hologram fireplaces along the far wall of his bedroom.

"So actually, my life s-support was also on the space bike you– you destroyed. Should've been alright until– until the homies got here. Didn't expect to spend th-that much energy."

[You're– you're dying??]

"Yeah. Suffocating, more– more specifically. Your air is– It's not what I'm used to."

[G-good grief, there seriously must be something we can do!!]

[Can't your gang get here any faster??]

"No comms. Remember?"

[Fuck…!]

"If only I could warm up…! With enough heat, I could– I could dilute your air more efficiently…!"

[What a pain, is that what you're trying to do with the fireplace?]

[Good grief, come here.]

Aren weakly lifts his head, clicking uneasily in anticipation of the magic hands grabbing him again. But this time Kusuo himself bends down to pick him up, lifting him effortlessly despite his longer form and greater weight.

[[ ( Holy Fire ) ]]

Aren flinches, but there's no visible flame. He looks around in confusion until he realizes that Kusuo's body is warming rapidly against him, then he melts with relief.

"D-d'you mind if I…?"

[That's the idea. Seriously.]

With a soft trill, Aren coils his body tightly around Kusuo's torso, pressing as much of his chest and limbs and tail against him as he can and sticking onto him securely with everything he has. Kusuo holds him carefully anyways as he walks over to his bed, sitting on it and wrapping a quilt around himself and Aren. Still concerned that it might not be enough, Kusuo manifests two extra arms to rub heated hands over Aren's back and tail.

Under Kusuo's watchful eye, Aren starts to warm up, his breaths easing and his freckles turning a soft lavender and deepening in color. He murmurs little trills and coos as he shifts to cuddle more comfortably in Kusuo's arms, tucking his head under Kusuo's chin with a purr. Kusuo blushes and does nothing to stop him, only adjusting his grip to hold him better once he's settled.

"…Thank you, Kusuo. Awful kind of you to save me like this…"

[Heh. It was only 0.2% my fault but… I couldn't just let you die.]

[Except for that last part, obviously, this has been… kind of fun.]

[ … ]

[I wish you weren't here to destroy my planet.]

[I should seriously kill you, and I might still have to, but… good grief, I don't want to… ]

"…I've had more fun today than I've had in a long time, yo. I'm glad I got this job, because it means I got to meet you. But I'm not gonna complete it. I'm calling off the gang once they get here. No bounty is worth seeing you sad. I like you a whole lot, damnit!"

[R-really…?]

[You're not just saying that to get my guard down…?]

"I'm dead serious. What would I have to do to convince you? Contract? Blood pact? Drop my tail⁉️"

[Er. I don't think any of that will be necessary, good grief.]

[These bracelets block my Omniscience, but I can still sense your intentions when I focus.]

"Whew, that's good‼️ It would be a real shame to drop my tail after you worked so hard to save it‼️"

[That's true… ]

[ … ]

[Wait, who gave you this job anyways?]

[Who told you to come here??]

"Ahh, it was a Xulpharbian job. They sent out the hit once they saw on the Glup Interplanetary Resource Report that there was a large amount of water in this unincorporated sector. Should've been easy money, but we can survive without it. I'm not gonna forgive those damn Glups though‼️"

[For reporting on my planet and putting it up for destruction?]

"No, because those idiot Glups didn't mention your beauty in their report‼️ You're the strongest and most attractive creature I've seen in all the galaxy! Not to mention the most merciful‼️ And I know they saw you in that crazy telescope of theirs. If I'd had any fucking idea that my future mate was here, I woulda come bearing gifts!"

[Your future mate?? Are you serious??]

"Hell yeah, if you're down for it‼️"

[What a pain… ]

[Why do you keep hitting on me? You don't even know me.]

"Don't I know you now, a little bit? What is a fight but communication? Just through your fighting style, I can already tell so much about you‼️"

[Bullshit.]

"Don't know what |bull| is, but I can tell you don't believe me. Fair enough, fair enough. You don't know the Kuboyasu name, after all! How about it, bro - I'll spit some facts, and if they're all true, you give me a little kiss~?"

[And if you're wrong?]

"I won't be. And I'm already basically at your mercy."

[You'll stop hitting on me if you're wrong.]

"Aww man, for real? You don't like my flirting⁉️"

[ … ]

[If you're wrong, you'll call off your gang and make sure no other aliens attack Earth.]

"Wait, that means you do like my flirting⁉️"

[Do we have a deal?]

"Hell yeah we do, hot stuff!!"

[ … ]

[Well, are you just going to wag your tail at me or tell me what you think you know?]

"Oh shit, yeah! Your eyes are just so fuckin pretty, dude… Well, first things first. It's obvious you only ever fight one-on-one, probably against the same guy each time. You ain't got the spatial awareness you need for fighting in a team, and you never look around for other enemies either. You keep predicting the wrong moves for me, in a way that means you're used to one guy's particular fighting style and you're not really trying to figure out mine. Almost seems like you're expecting to know what I'm gonna do even though you clearly don't. Then you have to move twice as fast to correct yourself once you realize what I'm actually doing. Did you used to have future-seeing powers or mind-reading or some shit⁉️ Also, you never aim for the vitals. That means you don't ever try to kill that guy you fight, so he's gotta be close to ya somehow, huh? Maybe family? …Yeah I can tell by the look on your face that I'm right, haha‼️"

[ … ]

"And another thing, you clearly don't have a mate, or even a gang. There are a few scents around here that are stronger than others, but even those are barely there, and no other scents near your bed. And ya don't meet up with them on the outside very much either. This whole temple place is saturated with your scent, so you must spend most of your time here, even though you hate this nest. You didn't care what was destroyed when you fought me, so you're clearly here against your will for some reason‼️"

[ !!! ]

"Not sure how, since you're clearly powerful enough to take on any other humans. Y'all earthlings are social creatures too, aren't you⁉️ Maybe they've trapped you by keeping you in isolation like this. Away from your family and preventing you from forming a proper gang or finding a mate. Solitary confinement, learned helplessness. That'll break anyone, it will."

[ … ]

"Sooo… Do I get a kiss~?"

[ … ]

[Yeah.]

" …Wait, hold on now. I was just playing around, you don't have to kiss me if you don't want to! I don't want to do anything you don't want to do too‼️"

[ … ]

[Thank you.]

"S'just basic decency, man!"

[ …Yeah. I guess it is.]

[ … ]

[Good grief… I do want to kiss you… ]

[But not on the mouth. Not yet. Is that okay?]

"It sure as fuck is okay‼️ Any kisses ya got, lay 'em on me‼️"

[Heh. Alright.]

After eyeing Aren thoughtfully for a bit, Kusuo carefully grips the lower edge of his veil and pulls it forward, leaning in until he can drape the veil over Aren's upper shoulder. Aren's muscles twitch reflexively at the tickle of the silk edging, and Kusuo lowers his head to press warm lips onto Aren's bicep. The tiny, delicate scales feel lovely against his mouth and a rumbly purr is echoing in Aren's throat, so Kusuo presses another few kisses onto his shoulder.

He ends up with his lips pressed against Aren's collar, and Aren tilts his head trustingly to offer his neck. Kusuo can't help but lift his veil just a bit to kiss his throat then, and the pleasant tingle of Aren's purr against his lips is intoxicating. Suddenly curious, Kusuo opens his mouth wide and rests his teeth lightly against Aren's scales, and he can feel Aren's heartbeats accelerate against his body. Still, Aren's purr remains constant, and his muscles stay loose and relaxed against Kusuo.

Repentant, Kusuo withdraws his teeth and presses several extra apologetic kisses onto Aren's throat, as Aren purrs and croons at the attention, his tail wagging cheerfully.

[You seriously weren't scared that I'd bite you?]

"You haven't really put any effort into killing me yet, my dude. Didn't think you were suddenly going to try to tear out my throat with your teeth."

[Y-yeah… ]

"Besides, your teeth aren't sharp at all. You biting my neck would probably just be really hot. Especially if you scratched my scales just a bit with your blunt little claws!"

[ … ]

"Sorry if I sound kinda thirsty, but you're super hot, you're crazy strong, you saved my life just now, and you smell really good too… Only improvement could be adding some of my own scent around here~"

[ …You're going to scent mark my room??]

"What?? No dude, I'm not going to piss on your walls, what the fuck⁉️ I just meant adding my scent by BEING here with you for a long time‼️"

[ … ]

[You'd– you'd want to be here with me? Even though you know I don't want to be here?]

"Yeah, man‼️ I mean, obviously whatever your situation is here can't be TOO bad considering your health and these swanky digs, and I bet if you had the support of a mate you could easily improve these conditions. But if you want to go anywhere else in the universe, I'd be happy to take you there, too. Am I not being clear enough about wanting to be your mate?"

[Oh.]

[I thought you just wanted to have sex.]

"Well… I wouldn't say no, obviously. You are super hot… But I like your attitude. Even though you've obviously been through some really shitty stuff, you're not a pushover. You're clearly very protective and would make such a good nest mate. You're pretty funny too! And you're kind, even to a bastard like me that was going to trash your planet. And you're technically stronger than me, which is rare, and that's such a turn-on, to be honest…"

[And I can have extra arms?]

"And you can have extra arms. What can I say? I'm a simple man with simple tastes."

[Pffffffft. Heh. Fair enough.]

"And what about you? Do you think I'd be a good mate for you~?"

[ … ]

[I don't know.]

[I'm– I'm new to this.]

[All of this.]

"That's alright. I'm new to this too, y'know? First time ever seeing a dude and thinking 'damn, what a hottie'. First time ever fighting a dude and thinking 'damn, I want him as a mate'."

[Hehehe…]

" …wait a fucking minute… You thought I was only after tail and you still didn't reject me outright⁉️ Does that mean you would be open to…?"

[ … ]

"Your face is turning pink. Is that healthy? Is that a bad sign?? Fuck, I should have read the earthling manual–"

[I'm only blushing, good grief.]

[I'm not sick, just– just embarrassed.]

[I… I don't mind the idea nearly as much I thought I would… ]

[What a pain… you're– you're really attractive to me too… ]

[Umm… your muscles are… really nice. I like it when we hold hands too.]

[And you're really clever. And funny. And honest. You know. On top of having a gorgeous face.]

[And, uh… what a pain… I'm probably not supposed to find this attractive since I'm human, but… ]

[Your tail is… really thick. And colorful. And feels nice when it wraps around me… ]

[I'd like to… I'd like to touch it. If you don't mind.]

"Oh, I sure as fuck don't mind‼️ Touch my tail as much as you want~"

[Wait, errr… Good grief… Your tail isn't a… sexual organ, right??]

"Bwahahaha‼️ Nah, not any more than any of my other limbs. It'll feel good when you touch my tail, but it'll feel good if you touch my arms or my hair or my back. I think almost everybody has their junk in their pants, on most planets."

[Oh. Good.]

[And– wait. You're an adult, right?? What a pain, I guess I should've asked that earlier…!]

"BWAHAHA, yeah dude‼️ Old enough to have had a brood or two, if I'd been willing settle for a mediocre partner. You?"

[ …Heh. About the same.]

"Whew‼️ Would've been real fucking awkward otherwise‼️ So yeah, no worries, man! Go ahead, I've seen you eyeing my tail~ Look, I'll even make it easier for you to reach–"

Still blushing, Kusuo holds still as Aren unsticks himself, pushes off the blanket, and scuttles around until he can sit on Kusuo's lap and comfortably drape his tail over Kusuo's knees. Kusuo takes a moment to savor having Aren's chest pressed against his own, Aren's arms wrapped around him securely in a double hug and his bent legs pressed up against the outside of his thighs. Then he rests his chin on Aren's shoulder to look down his muscled back and examine his tail. It is very plump near the base and covered in freckles in gorgeous shades of purple, tapering slowly to a thinner and more flexible end that curls securely around one of Kusuo's calves.

Kusuo can't help but smile at that, and he lowers one of his hands onto the widest part of Aren's tail. It's warm to the touch, likely from absorbing his body heat, and the scales there are still delicate but bigger than those on his shoulder. Aren's tail is almost segmented, with little valleys crossing the width of it at regular intervals, and Kusuo enjoys trailing his fingertips lightly over each smooth hill and slight dip.

He presses his fingers against Aren's tail a little more firmly to really enjoy the pleasant texture of his scales when he realizes, to his surprise and delight, that Aren's tail has some give to it. Aren doesn't seem to mind when he presses down firmly on his tail, only purring and cooing peacefully against his shoulder. Kusuo lays both hands on Aren's tail then, pressing his fingertips into the ridges and dragging them along, marveling at the way his fingers sink pleasantly into the little valleys of smooth, warm little scales.

"You like the squish, huh?"

[Hehehe… yeah. Seriously fun to press and squeeze… ]

He plays peacefully with Aren's tail, enchanted by the excellent sensory feel any which way he manipulates it, while Aren purrs and whistles back just as happily.

[Better than any stress ball on the planet… ]

"Heh! That's my pride and joy as a Kuboyasu right there! I've been in a thousand battles and never dropped my tail once, no matter how big the danger or how insane the odds! One hundred percent original tail, baby‼️ You won't find a chonkier tail in the supercluster, guaranteed‼️"

[Um. Very impressive.]

"Hell yeah it fucking is‼️ Not one of those wimpy, skinny little tails that've been regrown a hundred times and couldn't sense a flongan if it was right on top of them!"

[You have sensory organs in here??]

"I sure do‼️ I can tell you exactly how many people are in this building and where each of them are. And that's just one of the tricks my tail can do! Didn't you know that the bigger and thicker the tail on a Kuboyasu, the more capabilities it has⁉️ I'm the best gangster in the galaxy for good reason, yo‼️"

[That's seriously cool… Even I can't do that.]

[ … ]

[The spots on your tail… they're changing colors.]

[But only where I touch them… ]

[ … ]

[Beautiful… Little rainbow trails when I brush my fingers along your lovely tail… I could do this for hours… ]

"Feel free to touch me as much as you want. Your hands on my tail feel real fucking nice…"

[Heh. I'm glad.]

[ … ]

[Now I'm wondering whether the freckles on your arms would change colors when touched too.]

"Only one way to find out, isn't there, babe~?"

[Good grief… Well, if you're okay with it… ]

[ … ]

[Hehe, these change colors too… But only to blues and greens, not every color like your tail… Still beautiful… ]

[Oh wow, you are so ripped… ]

[Holy shit, you're flexing and that's so hot…!]

"Hahaha~‼️ I'd make a very good mate, don't you think~? I'll take very good care of you, I promise~!"

But Kusuo is only halfway paying attention, distracted by Aren's four arms. There are gorgeous freckles changing colors just for him, and dozens of scars becoming apparent only under the press of his fingers. He frowns when he encounters a particularly large cut, deep and long and clearly recent, judging by Aren's little wince when Kusuo traces it.

Pity, rage, and unexpected protectiveness spark bright in Kusuo's chest, and he sets his hands solidly on Aren's upper shoulders. Kusuo's pupils start to glow a neon pink and the ends of his hair rise in an invisible wind as his halo produces a metallic hum. Aren clicks uncomfortably as jagged bolts of magenta lightning start crawling down Kusuo's arms towards his scales.

[Do not be afraid.]

"K-Kusuo⁉️"

Energy pours into Aren's body and he beeps with alarm, automatically trying to pull away as his scars light up, but Kusuo is holding him securely. Aren relaxes when he realizes the energy doesn't hurt, though he still clicks uncertainly at the foreign glow of his wounds.

[[ ( Divine Blessing ) ]]

The dull pain of his old scars fades away, and after a stunned silence, Aren explodes into sound, trilling and chirping and cooing and purring. Kusuo watches Aren stretch and test his arms, joy suffusing his body as Aren manages to move with even more grace and dexterity than before. Then Aren wraps all four arms around Kusuo, crushing him in as tight a hug as he can.

"Thank you," Aren manages to say between trills and chirps, his tail wagging fiercely in a blur of rainbow freckles.

Kusuo's eyes close as he enjoys the embrace, reveling in the warmth and solidity and safety he hasn't been able to enjoy since childhood. Aren seems to notice, his chirping shifting to softer coos and warbles as he gives Kusuo another squeeze, wrapping his legs and tail around him too, and sticking onto him securely. Kusuo can't help but chuckle at that, settling his arms around Aren's neck.

[Why are those little sounds of yours so cute?? Good grief…]

"You like it⁉️ Hell yeah‼️ I wasn't sure if humans courted properly so I'm glad you're enjoying my displays!"

[Your displays?]

"The colors I made for you on my scales! You like 'em, right⁉️"

[Yes… They are seriously beautiful… ]

"Good good good… Can't wait to see your courtship displays‼️ I bet they'll be awesome‼️"

[Uhhhhh– ]

"Ahh, this must be it!"

[Wha– ]

But Aren is already unsticking himself and shifting upwards, and Kusuo looks up to see him settling two large hands carefully on his halo. It's still glowing from channeling the immense amount of energy he'd used to heal Aren's old scars. Aren examines the halo closely, peering at the round limiter devices screwed into it while avoiding the spikes that had dug into his tail, and Kusuo automatically holds Aren's waist to steady him.

Kusuo wishes he could feel the curious touches Aren is pressing onto his halo, but he can only faintly sense mild pressure when Aren experimentally tries to move his halo from where it hovers just behind Kusuo's head. After a bit, Kusuo indulges Aren's curiosity, moving his head to show how the halo moves with him. Aren clicks at the unexpected movement, then tries to move the halo himself by exerting greater force, his hands sticking onto the halo for greater traction as he pulls. Kusuo keeps his head perfectly still to mess with him, then jerks his head back. Aren beeps in alarm as he's yanked forward by the halo, then they both burst into laughter.

"You got me there, huh? Ha! Alright, alright, your strength is pretty impressive, Kusuo…"

Aren settles back down onto his lap with a soft croon, and Kusuo feels much too warm inside. He has two of Aren's hands on each shoulder and a soft tail around his waist, and Aren is looking intently into his eyes.

"Your halo thing is sick as fuck, but would you mind if I touched your hair? It looks really pretty, dude…"

[S-sure… ]

[But the veil stays on! Seriously!]

"Really⁉️ I thought we were kinda past that at this point, but I can dig a slow burn. Aight."

Kusuo is about to correct him, but two of Aren's large hands are sneaking in under his veil, and Kusuo hurriedly grabs the front of it to prevent it from slipping backwards. Aren hardly notices, his eyes fixed on Kusuo's pink hair, pupils wide like a cat about to pounce.

It's slightly terrifying to feel his veil being shifted, and Kusuo squeezes his eyes shut to prevent catching a glimpse of Aren's hands without a protective layer in between. Aren fearlessly slips his hands into Kusuo's hair then, purring in delight at the soft curls tickling his palms. He gently tugs at Kusuo's hair and lets the strands slip through his fingers, then tries to bury his fingers as deeply as he can, brushing his fingertips over Kusuo's scalp.

Kusuo relaxes into the exploratory caresses, feeling warm and safe with Aren's hands on him. Aren quickly notices this time too, his purrs shifting to soft warbles and coos as his lower hands start kneading carefully at Kusuo's shoulders.

Tension drains out of Kusuo with every gentle squeeze of those ridged hands, and he melts slowly against Aren's chest, forehead resting on an upper shoulder. He wraps his arms loosely around Aren's waist, a soft murmur of pleasure escaping him. He doesn't notice Aren's sudden interest at the actual sound he made, because he's too busy sighing with bliss.

[I've seriously lost my bet to Aiura at this point.]

[What a pain, I really thought I was only into normies but I've never wanted to kiss anyone else so badly… ]

"You– you want to kiss me⁉️"

[Yes… ]

"I want to kiss you too‼️ Oh hell yes, I'm gonna tear off this fucking veil–"

[NO WAIT–!]

[You can't take off my veil!!]

[It's not just for show, good grief! If I look at you with my eyes uncovered, you'll be turned to stone!]

"Oh shit, really⁉️"

[Yes, really.]

"Damn… What if I just lift it a little bit, up to your nose?"

[ …That should be fine. But seriously, be careful!]

"Heh! You really like me, don't you?"

[ …Yes.]

"Good, I really like you too‼️"

Kusuo squeezes his eyes shut again as Aren carefully lifts the lower edge of his veil and rolls it up. Then Aren holds the edge against Kusuo's face, just under his nose, by cradling his cheeks in his big, velvety palms. A soft sigh escapes Kusuo at the gentle touch and he lets his eyes drift back open to peer into the luminous depths of Aren's violet, slit-pupiled eyes.

"You're beautiful…"

[You're beautiful… ]

They blink at each other in surprise, then laugh bashfully, looking away with embarrassment before their gazes drift back towards each other. Kusuo is extra aware of Aren's soft breaths on his face, the scent unfamiliar but citrusy and pleasant, and he admires the pretty purple freckles framing Aren's handsome face and trailing across his nose. Aren's lips are a cool grey, and as Kusuo watches, a bright blue tongue flickers out of his mouth and licks along glimmering white fangs.

A thrill of excitement runs through Kusuo at the sight, and his eyelids drop to half-mast as his own lips part. Aren's tail wags delightedly and he accepts the invitation, leaning in to kiss Kusuo's mouth with a deep purr. The press of Aren's lips is softer than Kusuo expected, and he smiles. Aren grins back, and they experiment with gentle brushes of their mouths together, the velvety pads of Aren's thumbs brushing sweetly along Kusuo's cheeks as his lower hands settle around Kusuo's waist. Kusuo murmurs blissfully into their kisses, warm and content, his own hands tracing Aren's delicately scaled collarbones and shoulders.

Between kisses, Aren chirps and croons enthusiastically, and Kusuo can't help but be charmed. He lifts his head from Aren's hands and holds his veil down to trail kisses up Aren's cheek and across the bridge of his nose, following his lovely freckles as they bloom in blues at his touch. Aren's nose scrunches and his eyes squeeze shut in delight at the kisses, trilling quietly while caressing Kusuo's neck and collar with his upper set of hands. His lower hands stroke gently up and down Kusuo's sides, making him shiver with pleasure.

Kusuo finds himself wishing he could pull his bodysuit off at least partially to feel Aren's velvety palms on his bare skin, and he flushes a bright pink at the idea.

"Damnit, I want to feel your hands on me, dude… And I want to touch you with all of my hands‼️ Can't we tie up your veil or something so we don't have to hold it⁉️"

[That's– that's a good idea!]

[Good grief, why have I never thought of that??]

[We can wrap the ends around my halo, and it won't move that way.]

"Hell yeah, let's do it‼️ I'll tie it up for you, babe!"

Aren climbs off his lap and Kusuo mourns the sudden loss of his warm and comforting weight. Then big hands wrap firmly around his hips and lift him up, and Kusuo finds himself settled comfortably on Aren's lap. His plump tail curls cozily around Kusuo's waist, and Kusuo leans back into Aren's muscled chest with a pleased sigh, enjoying the strong legs holding him up and the hands caressing his sides.

Having four pectorals flexing against your back is a marvelous experience, Kusuo decides, holding down the front of his veil while Aren gathers up the back of it.

"Wait a minute… Will you let me touch your hair again before tying this thing up, Kusuo? It was real nice…"

[Sure. I seriously liked it too… ]

Aren whistles excitedly at the admission and Kusuo chuckles, holding his veil firmly as Aren's fingers trace up his shoulders and neck into his hair. While his lower hands knead at Kusuo's shoulders more confidently, Aren carefully buries his fingers in Kusuo's hair and tries to repeat the touches that had made Kusuo relax last time.

He quickly figures out that rubbing soothing circles onto Kusuo's scalp makes him melt bonelessly against his chest and Aren warbles happily at the discovery. Kusuo hums his approval and a shiver runs up Aren's spine at what sounds to him like a purr. He purrs back low and loud, massaging Kusuo's head while his lower hands move to caress gentle fingertips over his cheeks and nose and lips, memorizing the soft landscape of his face.

Kusuo sighs and moans softly in pleasure, arousal stirring in his belly at the worshipful caresses and the warm press of Aren's body against him. He hugs Aren's tail to let out some of his excited energy somehow, squeezing it tight against his chest to Aren's delighted purrs. Aren can't resist lifting the back of the veil then, and he presses slow, heated kisses onto Kusuo's neck and shoulders, his lower hands amorously stroking over Kusuo's bodysuit, anywhere they can reach.

[A-Aren– please…!]

[Please finish tying up my veil, good grief! I seriously need to kiss you so badly–!]

"Y-yeah, I want to make out real bad too‼️"

[But please be careful with the veil, it would be such a pain if you turned to stone…]

"You got it, boss‼️"

Aren sets about tying and twisting the veil into a coil he can wrap around the halo, careful not to tug too hard, while Kusuo very distractingly holds his lower set of hands and covers them with gentle kisses. He croons and purrs, and tries not to wag his tail very much, until he can lift Kusuo up, turn him around, and hold him against his chest. Kusuo closes his eyes and fusses with his veil to make sure it won't slip and risk turning Aren into a statue. Once he's satisfied, he grins and leans in to kiss his thanks all over Aren's cute, freckly face.

Crooning with approval, Aren enjoys the attention with a blissful shiver, running his bright blue tongue over his lips in anticipation of more kisses. Kusuo notices, and curiously sucks on Aren's lower lip to taste him. A hint of citrus is all he can detect until he licks his way into Aren's mouth, then he marvels at the tart and slightly smoky flavor of him, pleasant and bubbly on his tongue.

[See…? Your acid can't hurt me. It actually feels nice… ]

Aren is too busy to respond verbally, kissing back just as enthusiastically while caressing his neck and face, his lower hands slipping through the open sides of Kusuo's hakama to hold his hips. Kusuo hums approvingly at his touch, liking how Aren purrs back enthusiastically at the sound.

"You can touch me if you want, Kusuo… I'd like to feel your soft, pretty hands on me…"

Unable to resist the temptation, Kusuo grins and tilts his head to kiss Aren more deeply. His hands trace over Aren's chest and feel up soft fat covering marvelously sculpted muscle, all under a fine, smooth scale armor. He dares to lightly squeeze one of Aren's pecs, and gasps appreciatively when Aren flexes playfully for him.

Aren laughs and croons quietly into Kusuo's mouth, his tail curling around Kusuo's back to hold him close. His lower hands caress along Kusuo's outer thighs, then up to the curve of his butt, making Kusuo gasp and shiver in pleasure. He moans against Aren's neck as all four of his hands move to squeeze and stroke over and around his ass in a clearly exploratory way.

"No tail⁉️ Not even a little one⁉️"

[N-no… ]

[Good grief, is that– is that a problem…?]

"Hell nah‼️ That must make sex so much more convenient without a big ass tail in the way‼️"

[Seriously…? I like your tail a lot. Is it really such a pain…?]

He trails his hands down to the base of Aren's tail to squeeze there and Aren clicks uncomfortably.

"N-not there‼️ That's where my tail would break off in an emergency‼️"

[Oh– I'm sorry Aren!!]

"It's fine, no worries yo! You can grab my ass or the rest of my tail as much as you want, just not the very base of my tail from the back, aight?"

[Alright, thank you for telling me. Are there any other, uhh, areas I shouldn't grab…?]

"Nah, you can touch me as much as you want with your sweet hands~ Take off my pants if you want to, heh‼️ Just don't pet my crotch too much unless you wanna see what I'm packing, haha‼️"

[ … ]

"Ahhh, you're curious now huh⁉️ I'm down to fuck, if and whenever you're ready, Kusuo‼️ But if you just want to pet and make out, I'm also down~ This has been real good and fun so far‼️"

[H-how about we see how it goes…?]

"I'm so down for that too, yo‼️"

[Heh. I'm– I'm glad… ]

[Oh. How are you doing, by the way?]

[Your breathing. Do you need me to heat you up some more?]

"I haven't expended too much more energy… yet‼️ Ha! But I won't say no to getting cuddled and warmed up like that again. It was good."

[Hmmm… Heating up all of your body while I'm in your lap would be a bit of a pain.]

[How about if I… ]

Aren reluctantly lets Kusuo climb off of him, then starts wagging his tail delightedly when he sees Kusuo lying down on his back and inviting him to snuggle. He pauses when he notices Kusuo's head levitating off the bed with his halo pressed onto the pillows, and snorts with amusement, especially after Kusuo pouts at him.

"Let me try something, Kusuo… "

[ ? ]

"Close your eyes."

[A-alright… ]

Once Kusuo's eyes are closed, Aren leans in to steal a kiss, purring when Kusuo holds his head down for another few kisses. Then Aren carefully fits a couple of pillows between the halo and Kusuo to cradle his head comfortably, using the veil and the heft of the pillows to keep the bundle firmly in place.

"How's that feel?"

[ …very nice, actually… ]

[Good grief, I haven't been able to rest my head like this in a long time…!]

"It's not too heavy, is it⁉️"

[No, it's perfect. Thanks, Aren.]

"My pleasure‼️"

Aren settles comfortably onto Kusuo's chest then, warbling triumphantly at the sight of his smile until Kusuo guides Aren's mouth to his. Between passionate kisses, Aren coos with pleasure at the supernatural warmth of Kusuo's body and the indulgent strokes of his heated hands along his back and tail. His tail alternates between wagging delightedly and pressing itself into Kusuo's touch and Kusuo pulls away to chuckle at his enthusiasm. Aren simply takes the opportunity to breathe in the scent of his neck and trill blissfully when Kusuo manifests a few more hands to press and squeeze heat into his body.

[Is this good, Aren?]

"I've never felt better‼️ Where have you been all my life, Kusuo⁉️"

[Heh! I could seriously ask you the same question…! ]

Chirping happily, Aren lifts his head to kiss him deeply, his upper hands caressing Kusuo's cheeks and throat and collar. Kusuo shudders with pleasure and moans against Aren's mouth, squeezing him close as desire builds inexorably in his veins. He rolls them both over to kiss Aren more deeply, then thinks better of it and carefully moves Aren into the heated spot on the bed he'd just vacated. Aren does not seem at all bothered by the manhandling, trilling and chirping as Kusuo settles on top of him.

They kiss again, messily this time, hands tracing amorously over each other's bodies. Aren caresses Kusuo's butt appreciatively with one set of hands while the other strokes down Kusuo's spine to feel him shiver with delight. Kusuo spreads his legs to give Aren more room even as he squeezes and kneads at Aren's delightfully large pecs, more aroused than he's ever been and feeling very constricted in his perfectly tailored bodysuit.

[F-fuck…!!]

[Good grief, Aren–!]

[I– I'd like to accept your earlier offer…!]

"Oh, you're down to fuck⁉️ HELL YEAH‼️"

>>> ~ 💞 Love Fantasy 💞 ~ <<<

Aren coos and warbles as Kusuo flops onto him, nuzzling at his sweaty hair and pressing kisses onto his head, still securely holding Kusuo's hands. Kusuo melts into his afterglow and Aren's sweet affection, eyelids drooping sleepily.

"That was amazing, Kusuo‼️ Sorry about the confusion though, man– only ever jerked it solo myself, didn't realize I'd need to hold hands like that with a partner, heh… Kind of embarrassing actually…"

[It wasn't a pain. I seriously liked it… ]

[We can hold hands as much as you want. I'm very glad I can make more hands for you to hold, good grief… ]

"Really⁉️ Hell yeah‼️‼️ I really did pick the best mate‼️"

[You still want to be mates…?]

"Fuck yeah I do‼️ Do you want to be mates⁉️"

[Hmmm. I'm thinking about it… ]

[What does it mean to be mates, exactly…?]

"Oh yeah, there are probably cultural differences or some shit‼️ Being mates means nesting and traveling together and always having each other's backs, you know⁉️"

[That does sound similar to human couples… ]

[Er. Would being mates include… having kids?]

"If you want‼️ Some mates have a brood or two, some don't. Others have a brood for another set of mates to hatch."

[Do you want to have a… brood?]

"Not right now‼️ Still have plenty of galaxies to explore. Maybe later I'll have a brood… Two nestlings would be nice…"

[Umm. Would that even be possible with me as your mate…?]

"Oh yeah, no problem‼️ My species is great at borrowing genes, that's how I can talk to you so well‼️ Just copied the genes of aliens who are genius with languages. And even if you don't want to lend me some genes, I can always do a little parthenogenesis, easy‼️"

[Huh… ]

"So… Do you want to be mates⁉️"

[ …Let me think about it. It's still really sudden, good grief… ]

"Take your time, Kusuo. I'll wait until you're ready‼️ …We can still cuddle though, right⁉️"

[ …Yes. I do seriously like cuddling with you… ]

"Hell yeah‼️‼️"

Aren rolls them both over onto Kusuo's back to kiss him with a soft warble, tail wagging happily. He unsticks his upper hands from Kusuo's in favor of caressing his cheeks and throat as they kiss, and Kusuo buries his hands in Aren's pretty purple hair. He's surprised to find that Aren's hair feels very much like feathers, and Aren trills happily when Kusuo combs through it.

[What does that sound mean, Aren?]

"Hmmm…?"

[The bird sounds you were just making.]

"Bird?"

[The one that's like… ]

Kusuo mimics a trill and Aren instinctively warbles back, wagging his tail delightedly. Then he blinks and looks slightly mortified, his freckles cycling through shades of blue.

"It's cheesy as fuck, but my parents always used to sing to each other like that whenever they were in the nest, and I guess it stuck‼️"

[Cheesy?]

"Yeah… Uh, so this sound," and Aren trills, "means 'Someone is taking good care of me'. And the other call," he warbles, "means 'I am taking care of you'. Guessing you guys don't have anything like that, huh?"

[No… but I really like it. That's cute!]

[ … ]

[You know… It's a little weird to admit but… ]

[I do seriously feel like I'm being taken care of, with you.]

[It's nice… I haven't felt this way since I was a little kid.]

"What⁉️ Are you kidding me⁉️ There are so many earthlings here and no one is taking care of you⁉️"

[Well, I'm the god. I have to take care of everyone, because of my powers.]

"What the hell, man⁉️ Taking care of someone isn't a power thing‼️ You don't have to be stronger to take care of someone, or weaker to be taken care of‼️ It can be little things, like grooming them. Bringing them a little snack. Holding them close. You know‼️ Shit like that‼️"

[ … ]

[That makes sense.]

[I do have… friends. Who care about me.]

[But the situation here… Their hands are tied. There's not much they can do for me.]

"Hmmm, I see… Well, don't you worry about that anymore, Kusuo‼️ I'll be taking good care of you from now on‼️"

[ … ]

[Heh. I do like the sound of that… ]

[But you can't even breathe Earth's air properly.]

[What a pain… As much as I'd like to carry you around all day and cuddle, I can't.]

[And I don't want you to suffocate, good grief!!]

"That is a bit of a challenge. Hmmm… Ah, hold up‼️ This is the stuff you said you made, right? The stuff that has the genetic instructions in it⁉️"

[ …Yes. What does that– ]

[ !!!!!!! ]

[Aren!!]

"Mmm, not bad at all‼️ Now let's see…"

[What are you– ]

[Why are you shaking your tail like that??]

[Aren? Aren't you going to tire yourself out again if you– ]

"Done‼️ I copied the bits of your genes with instructions for breathing your Earth air‼️ Soon I'll be able to do things on Earth without having to be wrapped around you most of the time."

[Oh… What a pain… ]

"Ha‼️ Don't worry, I'll still take any excuse to cuddle close‼️"

[Good… ]

"That was just a pretty small genetic sample though, so it's gonna take me a couple of weeks to fully work it into my own genes."

[There's more where that came from.]

[ !!! ]

[I seriously cannot believe I just said that…!]

"BWAHAHA‼️ That good, huh⁉️ I'm down for another round too, Kusuo…"

[G-good grief… ]

[Um. But before we do that, I have a question… ]

"Go on. Shoot‼️"

[What would it take to become mates…?]

"Do– do you really want to, Kusuo⁉️"

[Good grief… It doesn't involve anything like a blood pact or ritual fighting, right…?]

"Ha‼️ That would be sick as hell‼️ But no, nothing like that, bro. It's really simple, something you can do even in the middle of a battlefield or through a vidcomm‼️ You just promise to take care of each other and press your foreheads together. That's it‼️ Official mates‼️"

[Huh… That's… seriously easy.]

[ … ]

[ … ]

"No pressure, dude, we can fool around without being mates, you know‼️ And if you're really not feeling it, I'll just cool my jets and let–"

[No.]

[I mean yes.]

[Good grief. I do want to be your mate.]

[It's a little sudden. And I can't say I'm not nervous.]

[But I really like you. And I do feel safe around you.]

[Even when we fought, I never sensed any real ill will from you.]

[And you even tried to make me more comfortable with the pillows, good grief.]

[I seriously want to spend more time with you. Get to know you better. Share some coffee.]

[ …Take care of you. And be taken care of… ]

[If… if that's okay with you.]

"F-fuck yeah dude…‼️ Ah fuck, I just can't stop wagging my tail‼️"

[Hehehe… Cute… ]

[ … ]

[My mate Aren… ]

"Wait wait wait‼️ I haven't said it back yet‼️ It's not official‼️"

[Oh.]

[Won't you be my mate, Aren~?]

"D-don't tease me like that‼️ Fuuuuuckkkkk‼️‼️"

[Hehehehehe.]

Aren chirps and purrs helplessly against Kusuo's neck as his tail wags wildly above them, and Kusuo chuckles into his hair, holding him close. Once he's able to calm down a bit, Aren shifts to press his forehead against Kusuo's, holding his hands and brushing their noses together sweetly. Kusuo blushes as their breaths mingle and they look deeply into each other's eyes.

"I know this is a little crazy, seeing as we were complete strangers a few hours ago and we're different species and whatever but this feels right, and I know you feel it too‼️ And… fuck, I don't have any fancy words or nothing but man, I'm going to take care of you‼️ As best I can, as long as I can‼️ I'll take you wherever you want to go, and stay wherever you want to stay‼️ I'd be fucking honored to be your mate, and I'm so fucking happy you want to be mine‼️‼️"

"I'm– I'm happy to be yours too, good grief," whispers Kusuo out loud, a little misty-eyed.

Aren's face screws up with emotion and he hides against Kusuo's throat again, croaking in a way that Kusuo greatly suspects is his form of crying. Kusuo kisses his shoulder and hugs him close, manifesting extra arms to pet and press warmth into Aren's body. His croaking soon softens into little trills and chirps of delight as Kusuo takes care of him, and he lifts his head to kiss Kusuo deeply in thanks.

[Mmm… ]

"Mmm… Hey Kusuo, what does it take to become mates as humans⁉️"

[It's a lot more complicated. There's lots of paperwork, what a pain… ]

"What's that? Can you eat it⁉️"

[No. But there's cake at the wedding. Unless it's actually foam, good grief… ]

"What's a wedding⁉️"

[Uh. It's like a party. Celebrating the new mates.]

"That sounds like fun‼️ Can we have a wedding and paperwork⁉️"

[Heh. I'll make sure we do… ]

[I'll seriously have to teach you a lot of things about human culture first, though… ]

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

[Hmm… ]

[Oh. You'll like this.]

[When humans become mates, it's called "taking a hand in marriage".]

"Oh yeah? Which one do you want⁉️"

[ … ]

[Why do I get the feeling that you think we take the hands literally?]

"You don't⁉️ Well that's great, I like having all of my hands‼️ Wouldn't mind having one of your hands though."

[Aren??]

"That was a joke, hah‼️"

[Good grief... ]

"Gotcha‼️ …Hey, now that we're mates properly, do you still want to fuck⁉️"

[ !!! ]

[Yes please!]

>>> ~ 💞 Just in Love 💞 ~ <<<

Kusuo's humming blissfully in the afterglow and Aren purrs happily along with him.

"Good⁉️"

[Seriously so fucking good…!]

"FUCK yeah‼️ …Oh, let's see how much genetic material you made for me this time…"

[A-Aren…!!]

"Mmm…! Yeah, that should speed things up quite a bit more‼️ Good job, nest mate‼️"

[I don't think I was blushing this hard even when we were actually having sex, what a pain… ]

"Ha‼️ By the way, let me clean you up, Kusuo. I've got wipes in the pockets of my pants."

[O-oh…! I'd– I'd appreciate that… ]

"No problem‼️ You just relax, I'll take care of you‼️"

Kusuo smiles and watches dreamily as Aren crawls around on all sixes, searching for the pants they had thrown carelessly away and locating the promised wipes. Once they're suitably clean, Aren pulls Kusuo into a comfortable spooning position. He wraps his four arms around Kusuo's chest, sticking his hands securely onto his torso and curls his tail comfortably around one of Kusuo's legs, then settles in to sleep with a soft coo.

Kusuo wraps several warm blankets around them with his powers, and then they've both fallen asleep, too tired to dream but resting deeply in mutual comfort and safety.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" …signs of struggle, the lack of blood and bodily fluids clearly indicates that the fight did not end detrimentally for either party despite the many burn marks on the walls, ceilings, floor, and furniture. And as you can plainly see even without my helpful narration, the discarded clothing and notable presence of the two entities in question intertwined here signals that a mutual accord was reached, as does the pillows and veil tied up helpfully to facilitate canoodling and the currently unusually high temperature of this bedroom, likely for the comfort of its new occupant. Therefore, the most natural conclusion is– ahhh, hello Kusuo-kun, I see that you are waking up!"

[ ??? ]

[ … ]

[ …Asumi??]

"Yes, that's me, Asumi! Though I do currently go by the name Akechi, but that is a story for a– Mr. Jones-Smith, if you move your left hand a single centimeter closer to your blaster, I will be forced to start shooting, so I wholeheartedly recommend that you put both hands in the air if you'd like to keep them attached to your arms. The same applies to you, the orange alien in the back, I see you moving as well. No, I'm simply not going to put down my weaponry until a reasonable compromise is met between all parties involved, as is my duty to Kusuo-kun and, by extension, his new partner. Good, I'm happy we've arrived at the same conclusion together. Now Kusuo-kun, please excuse this intrusion into your private quarters, but both our government officials and these extraterrestrial guests were quite insistent on stirring up a fuss and waking you in a much more barbaric fashion. Would you terribly mind introducing your new partner to the various entities present, and perhaps waking them so they can join in the discussion?"

[ … ]

[Umm. Yeah, this is Aren Kuboyasu.]

[Good grief… Aren, wake up. We have a… situation.]

"Mmmmm… Y'all earthlings have breakfast, right…⁉️ I'm hungry as fuck‼️ Though maybe we could fool around a little more before– Oh hey, is that you, Plinkko⁉️ Whoa it's a whole party in here‼️ Nice‼️ Who's that with the guns⁉️"

[Umm. My estranged childhood friend, I guess. No clue why he's here now though…?]

"I would be more than happy to share the full story with you at a mutually convenient time, Kusuo-kun, but for now, there is the slightly pressing matter of whether our planet is currently under attack and what should be done about it, if so."

"Oh yeah‼️ Hey guys, so good news / bad news‼️ Bad news is that this Earth job is cancelled, so we're not gonna get that reward money. Good news is that I'm getting human-married and y'all are invited‼️ Look at my nest mate, he is so handsome and strong and he can have as many arms as he likes‼️ Kusuo, this is my gang‼️ They're yours now too‼️"

[Oh. Umm. Hello… ]

"Congratulations, Kusuo-kun and Kuboyasu-san, I presume? This is very exciting news indeed! Miko-chan, please send word to the tailors that Kusuo-kun will need wedding regalia done up as soon as possible, please! And as for our government officials, surely there will be no trouble spinning this marriage as an intergalactic power play for the media, and therefore consider it advantageous to allow Kusuo his wedding and full partnership with Kuboyasu-san with regards to whatever that culturally entails? Excellent, excellent, I do see a nod there! Now, I'm certain you'll keep your word because I've been live-streaming this entire event to a trusted outside source who will forward the video to the underground independent press network at the slightest hint of non-compliance! Oho, yes indeed! A pleasure to do business with you all as well! See? Now I'm putting down my weaponry as previously promised. Thank you so very much for your cooperation, I'm very glad we were able to settle this in such a civilized fashion considering the diversity of the participants involved!"

"…Are all earthlings this crazy⁉️ We are in for some fun times on Earth, boys‼️ Bring out my luxury collection from the cruiser, I need to get this nest in optimum conditions before our wedding‼️ And y'all humans are gonna let Kusuo replace the marble this time, aight⁉️"

[Good grief… ]

[semischarmed]

Detour

“Really Scott,” you say, as you run your fingers through your hair. “I don’t look familiar to you at all?” You take a mental picture of your high school tormentor’s face. Damn. ‘You’ve only gotten hotter these past few years haven’t you?’

“Nah man, sorry” He states as he moves to close the door to his apartment. You give a slight rub to a small gold medallion and his body starts moving on it’s own. You stare at him with a cruel smile as he tries to wrestle control back of his body. Your face strains but you are able to force him to let you into his place. Scott, evidently, was smarter than he looks as you notice him take a mental note of your struggle and the medallion. You’re gonna have to be careful around him.

You have to admit, this is a lot tougher than you initially expected. Much like his body, man has a will of steel, and even with this necklace’s little power boost, you can only barely contain him. But you have the power of raw emotion coursing through you. Envy. Lust. Unlike Scottie over here, lady luck has not been kind to the past few years past high school. That all changed when you came across this medallion. A strange, mystical, wonderful medallion with strange, mystical, wonderful powers. As soon it came into your possession, you instantly knew the first person who would have the privilege of witnessing its power firsthand. Scott reclaimed a bit of power over himself.

“What the fuck dude! You got the wrong guy! I really don’t know who you are!” You have to hold back a bit of your hurt. All those years of agony and fear, and it doesn’t even register a blip to him. ‘Fuck it, worth it for what I’m about to get.’ With another rub of the medallion you force him to freeze.

As you study his frame, still and glistening with a nervous sweat, you are overcome with a wave of lust- you can’t wait to possess the fuck out of this man. He’s only gotten bigger, beefier since the last time you’ve seen him. You are cut from your trance as you hear a soft “zzzz” sound.

His phone buzzes again and, rubbing your medallion, you force him to pull it out and unlock it for you. “Who is this?” You ask, as you take a closer look at the string of texts. “Almost back!” “Hey u wanna get some pizza tonight?” “Dude I gotta tell you about Sophie at the weights today.“

“I-It’s Alex, he’s my friend. He’s my best friend. We’re roommates. Also he’s coming back soon, so you should probably go. This-whatever the fuck this is man, I won’t tell anyone I promise. Just go” he states nervously. Try as you might, you can’t read if he’d genuinely let you go. Knowing the Scott you knew in high school, he’d probably beat you to a pulp as soon as you released your hold on him. Whatever. Not leaving anyway. You stare at more pictures of his friend from Scott’s social media. Fit, cute- hot even, easy on the eyes. Ok then, maybe a little detour is in order. 

“I’m gonna give you a choice.” You state plainly, as you set his phone on the table. “And I know you remember who I am, so you can stop the act. You? Or Alex? Who’s it gonna be?” He probably thinks you’re gonna kill him. Not even close. If anything, he’s gonna be getting a new lif-

“Alex, Alex! Please dude, just leave me alone!” He says without hesitation. Damn. Cold-blooded. You smile with menacing compliance. 

“Alex it is.”

----

Minutes later, a sweaty Alex unlocks the door to his apartment, eager to get quick shower in and order some dinner. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize we’d have guests”. 

Alex smiles warmly at you and greets you, “Hey, I’m Alex, Scott’s roommate. Good to meet you!” He looks at his hand. “Sorry, I just got back from the gym, so I’d shake your hand, b-” “So you’re Alex! good to meet you too!” you cut him off by extending your hand, which he awkwardly shakes out of formality. You use this to take a sneak preview of your future vessel’s hands. Calloused, but soft. Thin, damp. Vascular. Good.

“Yeah, I’m an old friend of Scott’s. From high school,” you lie. “He said he had to grab something from the store, so he’ll probably be back in a bit.”

“Aww well, I’m sorry he’s been keeping you waiting” Alex gives a warm smile. “He’s usually pretty good at this kind of stuff, so I’m sure he had a good reason. Do you want like a water or something?” 

He starts to head to the kitchen. You stifle a moan as you quickly stick your hand in your pants and smear his gym sweat all over your dick. Sneak preview. 

As he fashions himself a glass of water and glances back as you quickly take your hands out your pants before he notices. “Oh no, no! I’m alright! Thank you for the offer though!” you beam back. Close call.

‘Alex is such a nice, stand up guy’ You wonder to yourself, ‘why is he friends with that piece of shit’

“I’ve known Scott since college, so a little less than you, haha” he adds, as if hearing your mental conversation. “He always keeps it real and he’s even been helping me get toned”. He smiles and does a small bicep flex to demonstrate -hot- before he ravenously gulps down the entire glass of water and sets it down.

‘Fuck yeah, I can’t wait to be the one going down that tube’ you think, as you bite your lip. Alex starts to head your way. You then pick up on his scent, he smells clean- probably his cologne or deodorant. Mountains. Mint. Fresh rain. He’s like a breath of fresh air. Then the undercurrent of his scent hits. Raw, primal, alpha as fuck. You’re a bit surprised. Such a kind, clean cut guy and he apparently naturally smells like a filthy, raunchy, putrid motherfucker. You can hardly control yourself as you try to imagine where it’s coming from. Pits, ass, feet, ball sweat, all of the above?- wherever the fuck it’s coming from, it’s intoxicating. You smile in the joy that a little piece of you, even if it was just the dick that you rubbed his hand sweat all over, now smells like a diluted Alex. You struggle as you adjust your growing hard on in proximity to the pheromone bomb that is Alex.

Suddenly, Alex’s phone buzzes. You steal a glance at the sender. It’s Scott.

“Hey man, come to my room, now. We need to fucking talk. I have no idea who he is. Make sure he stays where he is. He doesn’t know I’m here .” Alex stares at his phone, a little perplexed, while you continue to stare at this fine, fine piece of ass in front of you. He gives a quick glance your way, to which you respond with a smile. 

“Hey, uh, make yourself at home, ok? Im sure Scott’s coming back soon. I, uh, I gotta take care of something real quick with our, um, other roommate.” There’s only two bedrooms and he’s a horrible liar, but you still find it a little endearing. “Anyway, it was nice to meet you, maybe we can hang out sometime. Any friend of Scott is a friend of mine!“ he tells you kindly as you swoon. ‘Oh Alex we’re about to be much, much closer than friends. Closer than you can possibly imagine’.

“Hey dude, uh, so Scott’s friend is waiting for you in the living room. Also whatever this is, can it wait? I kinda have to showe-“ Alex cuts himself off as he sees Scott slumped over, tied up to his desk chair with his own dirty clothes in a neat little bow. “What the fuck!?! Scott! are you ok?” Alex rushes over to help his friend.

“So, I gotta say, Scott, you made a great choice sacrificing him to save yourself. Alex is definitely a catch.” You say from the doorway. Alex quickly looks your way in horror as his best friend breaks free from his fake restraints and pulls him into an embrace.

Alex tries to squirm free from Scott’s grip, as you make Scott say the truth to his friend. “He made me choose, between you and me. I chose you.”

“T-This is a joke, right? Scott?” Scott starts to force him into his desk chair. “Cmon man!” Alex pleads, as an emotionless Scott ties him to the desk chair.

“Some best friend” you chuckle, as you stroke Scott’s cheek and wipe away a stray tear -you can feel his revulsion internally- “he sold you out without a second thought”. You start to undress his lower half, starting with his gym shoes. Fuck it was potent. “Don’t worry, I’ll never do that to us.” You peel away his sweat soaked socks and take another whiff. Alex sits in confusion, probably speechless at what had just transpired.

“Let’s make a deal” you say with a chuckle. “I’ll show you a taste of me if you show me a taste of you.” Without waiting for a response, you start by kneeling down sucking on his scummy toes. Sour. Just how you like it. He’s still squirming in his bonds a little. “Step on me,” you say, as you smash your face to his sweaty feet over and over again, simulating him stepping on you. You catch a little movement in his crotch area. ‘Is he enjoying this?’ you ask, as you continue up Alex’s legs. You look back to make sure Scott is still in your control. He stands frozen, emotionless, but with a deep hatred in his eyes, twitching occasionally in his attempt to break free. You make him face Alex and force him to lift the corner of his tank top to give Alex a little tease, while you continue with your little treasure hunt.

You then peel away his compression shorts to reveal your prize. A concentrated bloom of Alex’s pheromones hit you. Ecstasy. You almost pass out on the spot. ‘Holy shit’. You can't control yourself as bury your head and greedily rub your face in his sweaty crotch. Alex is eerily quiet.

Rubbing the medallion, you issue your next command. You’re gonna need to divert a little magic to making this work, so you release some control of Scott as emotion and shouting return to him. It takes a minute or two but you’re able to get your bodies properly primed fro the next stage. You notice Alex shiver from a slight tingle in his body, while Scott continues his barrage of insults your way. “Shut up,” you command. His lips quiver and then shut. “Scottie, come tell Alex what his best friend is gonna do to him.”

Alex again looks at Scott with a pleading face as a twitching, emotionless Scott continues: “Alex, I’m gonna stuff you full of himm- full of my Ma,” you wince. Strong and stubborn as ever, you can’t even get him to call you master. “Man you’re gonna love it. I sold you out to save myself. Didn’t even have to think about it. Just like that.” You’re getting a little better at controlling his movements. “Now I’m gonna be the one to make sure I put all of him inside you” Scott continues, “I-I can’t wait to see him wear you like a s-suit, parading you around, s-swimming in your skin and no one will ever know. I can’t wait to see the new you, w-with a little fag pilot tucked safe inside, pulling on your strings, speaking for you, thinking for you, loving for you” Scott finishes with an unsettling, wide grin that you force him into. 

Emotion and control rush back to Scott’s face. “Alex...” he states in an apologetic tone, but Alex doesn’t even look him in eye. Again, off the corner of your eye, you can’t help but notice a ghost of a smile on his face before it returns to its sullen look.

“Ok, ok, enough you two. Let’s go put on a good show for our best friend Scottie”.

-End Part 1-

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1981 - the Body-Swap

The X-Men, those body-swapping mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. We’ve been untangling that history for a while, but sometimes, you really want a more in-depth look. Interested? Then read the (un)Abridged X-Men!

(Uncanny X-Men 151 - 152) - by Chris Claremont and Josef Rubinstein

Emma Frost and her frenemy Ororo Munroe have not been getting along! One fateful evening, as the two quibble away, they mysteriously switch bodies and minds. Talk about your Freaky Friday! What lessons will they learn, walking a mile in one another’s shoes? And will they be able to switch back, or will they stay in each other’s bodies forever? Mutant Monday, coming soon to a cinema near you. Starring: Elizabeth Banks, Angela Bassett and Elliot Page. (PG-13)

For a moment, we’re in a proper period drama: a letter delivers ill tidings!

I love that Kitty’s parents are so self-involved that it took them A WHOLE YEAR to realize that it’s weird that Kitty is the only non-adult attending the Xavier Institute.

I can only assume the mailman interrupted a pool party of some kind? Or a communal shower? I get why Kurt would not swim a lot - all that fur - but did Scott wear that while they were splashing around? Was it a beach volleyball competition where one half got to wear swimsuits and the other half superhero costumes? Most importantly, was Scott’s costume always this tight?

Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

The awful thing is that Kitty’s parents are transferring her to the Massachusetts Academy, not realizing that headmistress Emma Frost is, in fact, a terrible human being. Charles, uncharacteristically, says that changing their minds telepathically is a line he does not cross (any more) and half the viewing audience bursts out in laughter. More importantly, last they saw Emma, she was kind of dead-by-Phoenix, so it might be better there this time? Kitty does a Classic Teenage Stomp-Off and Storm comes to comfort her. Kitty cries that life is unfair (“My parents are only doing this because they’re splitting up”) and Ororo tells her that yes, life is unfair. You just gotta roll with the punches as best you can.

To be fair, bald men are technically all cheek, so it doesn’t matter where you kiss them.

While I enjoy the relationship Kitty has with the other X-Men (Scott gave her a compliment! Logan told her his name!), especially the mother-daughter-bond she shares with Ororo, the whole Piotr-thing always gives me pause. Even if we’re being very generous with age, Kitty is, what? 14 going on 15? And Piotr is… 19? At best? I get why Kitty would have a crush on him: he’s a gentle hunky giant: at fifteen, my teenage ass would have felt the exact same viz-a-viz Colossus’ upper arms. The fact that Piotr reciprocates feels skeevy, though, especially because they’re always treated like star-crossed idiots these days.

Skee-vy.

Ororo drives Kitty to Massachusetts, where her young ward is greeted by someone named Muffy and whisked away for orientation. All seems well. Ororo stands in a parlour, surveying the grounds and considering that they should have fought harder for Kitty. Still, nothing seems too wrong just yet: this Academy just seems very preppy.

Not-at-all-dead Emma takes her cue and jumps out, saying (essentially): “Surprise motherfucker.”

There’s a flash of light, and then...

I’m willing to bet that Emma’s EVIL journal has the following to-do-list: - Steal Storm’s body. - Experiment with her powers. - See how good Storm looks in white. (Leather? Fur?! Both!??) - REWARD: Smoke break.

I wonder if Emma’s plan hinged on being able to body-swap with Storm, or whether any X-Man would have sufficed. Was her original target Xavier? Cyclops? What if one of Kitty’s parents had brought her to Massachusetts, would she have taken Kitty instead?

In a locked cell, Storm wakes up in Emma’s body and is horrified. I wonder why Emma didn’t take any more precautions. Couldn’t the guy who made the freaky friday-gizmo also make a power dampener to nullify not!Emma’s telepathic abilities? Or did Emma count on her victim being so utterly incapacitated by her mind-powers that they’d be driven mad? (This would actually tie in with some of Emma’s later-revealed history: when her powers first emerged, she also got locked away in a padded room because of her madness.)

Emma is not wrong, by the way: Storm can’t get a handle on Emma’s powers. What follows is possibly the sweetest moment in an arc filled with sweet moments:

This arc isn’t drawn by any of the regulars - not Byrne, not Cockrum - but Josef Rubinstein brings his own kind of panache to the pages. I love the way he draws women’s faces: in a story that’s all about women, their faces are actually distinguishable. Kudoz.

Emma, meanwhile, coordinates with Sebastian Shaw to execute the second part of their two-pronged attack on the X-Men. They both laugh evilly in their phones while the mansion is attacked by Sentinels! These androids take out Cyclops and Xavier with some sleeping gas and knock out Nightcrawler, but the rest of the X-Men manage to trounce these robots. Then ‘Storm’ appears! She zaps the rest of the X-Men (and Amanda Sefton), successfully finishing their master-plan.

It’s not entirely clear what the Hellfire Club wants with the X-Men this time, but I’m assuming it’s more experimentation to improve the sentinels? Eh, doesn’t matter! Nefarious Hellfire Club is nefarious.

The real Storm, meanwhile, comes to claim Kitty, forgetting that she looks like the one and only Emma Frost. Kitty spooks and Storm accidentally reaches out, knocking her out telepathically. Whoops! Storm takes Kitty and flees in a car, while Emma gives chase. (How dare Ororo run off with her body, which is absolutely the kind of hypocritical hilariousness we all love Emma for.)

Kitty awakens and jumps from the car, causing Storm to swerve and...

JETSTREAM!? Speaking of which, where are the Hellions in all of this?

Kitty sees that an unconscious ‘Emma’ is about to burn to a tender and moist little crisp and she is faced with the hero’s dilemma: would you save a villain that would never save you?

Emma, meanwhile, has realized the downside to body-swapping: somebody else gets to run around with your body too. Shaw, of all people, talks her down from her anger.

You can’t just introduce a persona exchange gun to the plot WITHOUT EXPLAINING WHERE THE FUCK YOU GOT IT FROM.

My favorite detail is that Emma keeps calling Kitty brat, like she’s some sort of Pokémon-villain.

Kitty, meanwhile, has saved ‘Emma’ and tied her up with a special knot. Storm tries to convince Kitty, going for the “ask me something only Storm would know”, but Kitty’s all: “Duh, you’re a telepath.” Ororo insists, but the thing that clinches it is when she breaks free of her ties without breaking a sweat. That knot was taught to Kitty by Ororo and she’d be the only one who knew how to break out of it.

Storm and Kitty recruit Stevie Hunter to come pick them up and during the ride, Storm-being-angry-mother!Storm convinces Kitty more than anything else:

After all, Storm was voted most likely to say: “If you don’t stop this nonsense immediately, I will turn this Blackbird around, so help me God!”

Ororo and Kitty sneak inside. Ororo even uses Emma’s telepathy to help her pick a lock after phasing through a door. (Kind of funny: Kitty’s still such a neophyte that she can’t even phase with anyone else yet.) Emma, meanwhile, taunts the captured X-Men, presenting herself as the new white queen:

Anybody feel the inclination to point out that the Hellfire Club did this exact same thing last year, except then they tried it with a redhead?

I secretly suspect that the Hellfire Club’s plots always revolve around seducing X-Men to their side and dressing them up in sexy lingerie. (Which: fair.) There’s also a subplot where the guys Wolverine cut apart last year want to exact revenge on him for being made bionic, but eh. We’ll start paying attention to them when they become actual Reavers.

Kitty phases through the locks of the X-Men, freeing them, and a kerfuffle ensues. Emma starts using Storm’s powers, but they grow out of control. Colossus tosses Shaw out of the window - which should just be company policy, really: all Shaws should be defenestrated - where he’s promptly hit by a rogue thunderbolt.

When he doesn’t get up, Emma starts to lose it. The weather goes wild. Storm intervenes, using her telepathic power to help calm down Emma (and the raging storm), but she also manages to get a hold of the swap-gun. There’s a zap, and with a satisfied sigh, the status-quo is restored again.

My favorite implication is that, apparently, Emma decides which school Kitty attends and not her parents.

While this little arc is neither the most iconic nor the most profound of 1981 -- those would be Days of Future Past and I, Magneto, respectively -- I still love this for a couple of reasons.

As a lover of Freaky Friday, 17 Again and the new Jumanji-film, I just have a soft spot for body swap plots. (Hi Psylocke!)

It focuses on the Xavier Institute as a school, planting seeds for the upcoming New Mutants.

It is very female-driven without beating you over the head with it. (Looking at you, Birds of Prey.)

It has three definitive main characters, who all get fleshed out in fun and interesting ways. It starts the trend of robbing Ororo of some of her powers and tossing her into against-the-odds circumstances, only for her to come out on top.

It solidifies the Storm/Kitty mother/daughter (or older/younger sibling) dynamic. Kitty is a believable teenager when it comes to Storm - clever and kind, but also looking for answers and prone to rash decisions - and I love how much they care for each other.

Jean/Storm-friendship-callback, yay!

Emma gets fleshed out as a villain. Resourceful and petty, powerful and vain. It’s no wonder she’s one of the break-out antagonists of the X-Men, because, like Magneto, Claremont is not afraid of giving her depth. Arguably, she is the most three-dimensional of the Hellfire Club at this point.

Yay! And fuck completely sensible plots, if you don’t know what to do with your plot, just introduce a random persona exchange gun. Let’s use it on Xavier and Legion in Way of X next!

[lihikainanea]

thinking about jealous bill a lot these days, lei, and how he’d fuck her so good after. one of those fucks where he’s just making her HIS, fucking her from behind and just making her forget any words. especially if she was already small and some guy hit on her at a bar that she already didn’t want to be at and bill just assures her the whole time home. but once they’re home? he knows what he’s gotta do and that’s making her mind blank.

Oooooooof I've been sitting on this for too long, but it has had me tingling for days. I've been itching to get my thoughts out on it, but idk sometimes this routine that I think I have nailed down with my little furry dude just goes to shit all of a sudden and there's really no reason to it. Last week I was rocking it, his nap times were on point, I was eating dinner by 7, we had walks, play time, then he conked out. This week I'm like DURRRR HOW DO I DOG PARENT? and I'm eating dinner at 10 and I feel like even Bongo is looking at me like he really needs me to get my shit together.

ANYWAY.

Let's get into this.

What I love about this here is the small but incredibly important detail that you mentioned that like...maybe tiger is already a little small. Maybe she's somewhere she doesn't want to be and Bill knows this, maybe she's not feeling too great about it and is getting worse, maybe she wants out or needs a reprieve and Bill knows it. And that right there flares up his protector side, the primal side of him that just wants to pick her up and carry her out, get her somewhere dark where she can sit on his lap and he can shove his thumb in her mouth and hold her there for as long as she needs. Tiger being a little overwhelmed, a little uncomfortable in a place she doesn't want to be in, tiger getting a little small in a place that's not safe for her to be small in and she knows it so she's spiralling a little...oof, Bill morphs into the alpha male that he keeps buried deep, and his own instincts are on fire to protect her, comfort her, provide for her. Throw in a little jealousy on Bill's side because tiger being small is....like, that's his you know? Only he gets to see that. And her mood is completely imperceptible to everybody else, but she may as well have a sign on her forehead that says "PUT ME ON MY KNEES" to Bill. It's so obvious to him, and his feathers are all ruffled because that's his. That's his look.

So alright, maybe tiger is just having a fucking shit week. She's due to be riding the crimson wave in a few days so she's bloated and the tatas are sensitive , her clothes aren't fitting, she's been kind of nauseous all day with a dull ache in the base of her skull. Maybe it's 38754596660 fucking degrees in a heat wave and like, tiger doesn't do heat. Her commute to work is not air-conditioned, so by the time she gets home she's overheated and sweaty and even more puffy and just full of fucking bad feelings. She's physically uncomfortable for a million different reasons, she's tired, SHE'S SO DAMN HOT--it's just all bad.

But it's a friend's birthday and at the moment, tiger kind of thinks that friend is a fucking asshole for organizing something in the middle of the week--let alone the worst week of life--but she's going. They're going. They have to.

But Bill's not convinced.

"You know kid," he says gently as he leans against the doorframe, sipping a beer as tiger tries on the millionth dress. The rejects are in a heap on the bed, and she struggles with the zipper as she shoots him an annoyed look.

"We can sit this one out if you don't feel like going," he says. He doesn't move to help her with the zipper--not when she's in a mood like this. Instead, he just swigs his beer.

"No we can't Bill," she snaps, and with a frustrated huff the dress goes up and over her head and is tossed into the pile of rejects. "She'll be pissed if we miss this."

"Then she's pissed," he shrugs, "We can make it up to her."

Tiger yanks another dress out of the closet, pulls it on. She pokes at it, turns a few ways in the mirror.

"That one's cute," he says.

But then she unties the belt, flings it off so the dress billows loosely around her frame.

"Fuck it," she says, grabbing his beer on her way out of the room, "I'm fucking wearing this fucking potato sack to fucking dinner."

Bill watches as she downs the beer in two gulps.

"Ugh," she mutters lowly, "Fucking lite beer bullshit."

At this point, he really just has all the sympathy in the world for her. Her friends are important to her, and tiger always feels a sense of obligation to never let them down. He knows this is the last place she feels like going tonight, but she's forcing herself to.

And like the thing with tiger's bad moods is sometimes they make her full of piss and vinegar and ready to fight everyone, and sometimes they just make her small. Bill never knows which way it's going to go, but given the fact that she's a little hormonal and he knows she's close to shark week, he can take a guess at which way the dice will roll tonight.

And it basically starts in the car on the way there. She's fidgety, even with the A/C cranked on high. She's pulling at the hem of her dress, huffing, she's rubbing at her temples. At one point she takes the seatbelt, pulling it away from her body and Bill shoots her a quizzical look.

"If my tits could stop feeling like they're about to fucking burst, that'd be great," she mutters.

"I'll give you a massage later tonight," he kisses her knuckles.

"Fuck all of this."

"I know, kid."

And it just gets worse. When tiger is in this kind of mood, really the thing that makes it worse is to just....surround her with people. Surround her with people that she has to fake joy and happiness with. She doesn't have the patience or the fucking energy for it, and despite her best efforts, Bill can see the scowl permanently etched in her forced happy face. And he can see the shift start to happen--the way she fidgets a lot more, and can't get comfortable. The way her shoulders hunch over. The way she's flinching or jumping at loud noises, squinting or wrinkling her features at the bright lights. Her eyes are getting a bit of a spaced out look, she's not really engaging in conversations--everything is just too much. The environment is starting to get way too stimulating, way too overwhelming, and she's getting small on him. He gives her knee a hard squeeze, hard enough to ground her and catch her attention and she jolts.

"You good?" he murmurs lowly. And he knows she's not. SHE knows that he knows she's not. But she forces a fake smile, so wide that it's almost sarcastic.

"Peachy."

A few minutes pass, her knee bouncing, her eyes flitting everywhere, and she stands.

"I need some air," she says, "It's too fucking hot in here."

Bill stands immediately, but she puts a hand on his shoulder and pushes him back down.

"I'm fine," she says, "Really. Just give me a minute."

He doesn't like it, not one bit, but he lets her go. Alone.

A few minutes pass, and sure enough she comes back in. She motions her hand to the bar, but Bill holds up his full pint to let her know he doesn't need another round just yet. She nods, heading there anyway to get a refill for herself.

Bill has eyes on her. Bill always has eyes on her. And tiger doesn't see it, but Bill does--he sees the guy standing next to her give her a little once-over, sees a smirk tilt up the guy's lips, and Bill knows what's about to happen. He doesn't hear the conversation, but he doesn't need to. He sees the guy speak. He sees tiger tense up a little, a tight smile in politeness, and she turns her head to try and make eye contact with the bartender a little quicker.

The guy doesn't get the hint, and keeps talking. Bill stands up. His eyes are on her the whole time, and now she's ignoring the guy. Turning her body slightly away, leaning forward a bit in hopes of getting her order in with the bartender faster. Her shoulders are practically up by her ears, and the guy with the sleazy smirk is still talking. Bill is ready to fucking punch the guy into next week just for the reaction that he's eliciting from his girl--making her scared, making her uncomfortable, even fucking daring to talk to her when she's like this. Bill eats up the distance with quick strides.

He makes it in the nick of time, right as this guy had raised a hand and was poised to place it on tiger's back in a rather unwanted caress. Bill grabs his wrist, steps between him and tiger, and gets real into his space.

"Just try and touch her motherfucker," he growls, "I dare you."

And listen, if nothing else--Bill is tall and that's intimidating as fuck when it gets right up in your space real quickly. But Bill also came out of nowhere, he looks a little crazy, and this guy suddenly ain't so down to rumble.

"Bro, I didn't know--"

But Bill just stands even taller and tiger actually shrinks behind him, her hand gently on his back, and it's the only thing that's keeping him remotely calm. This isn't about his anger. This is about protecting her, especially when she's like this for him, and nothing else matters.

The guy just holds his hands up, and backs away into the crowd. When he's out of sight, Bill turns to her.

"We're leaving kid," he says, and god it's so gentle, "Go wait for me by the car okay?"

"No," she mumbles immediately, fisting at his shirt a little bit, "No, can I stay here with you?"

And he realizes that she's a little scared and just a whole lot overwhelmed, and Jesus he could fucking melt into a puddle for her right that second.

"Of course you can," he tugs on a lock of her hair gently, "Of course you can."

Bill gets the bartender's attention in no time--a giraffe at your bar will do that--and he pays for everyone's tab. They make a hasty exit but he takes the blame--it's par for the course when you're friends with Bill, he's often tiger's ride and he's always getting all kinds of urgent calls--and then they leave.

And listen, the second that they're in the car? Tiger can finally start to let her walls come down, which is just fucking igniting Bill's jealous side and his protector side.

"Are you okay?" he murmurs to her. She looks so fussy, so small for him.

"I want to go home," she whines.

"I know sweet girl, I'm taking you home."

"He was awful Bill," she says, "Ugh, he was so sleazy and so slimy and--and he tried--"

"He tried tiger," he says softly, "He can try all he wants. He'll never have what's mine."

"No he won't," she sniffles. Bill tucks her hair behind her ears, taps two fingers against her lips and she sucks at them.

"Are you mine?" he asks softly, "Is this mine?"

She nods, but he tuts her.

"Yes," she mumbles, "Yours."

"Good," he murmurs. He pulls his fingers from her mouth and she whines, but he drags his hand down and cups her mound softly. She moans and grabs onto his wrist.

"What about this?" he asks, "Is this mine too?"

"Yes," she chokes out, "Yes. God Bill get me home."

"I will sweet girl, I will."

And listen, when they get home? oof. There's no stopping Bill. He can't switch it off, he doesn't want to tame it, and tiger doesn't want him to either. She's his. He's possessive, he's rough, he's jealous--and all it does is make her smaller for him, make her even more soft and subby, which just makes him even more alpha. It's rough because he needs it, SHE needs it, needs the pain of it to feel grounded, needs the sting of a spanking so that she can feel his strength, so she can feel like she's his, so she can feel owned and possessed and protected. And Bill needs to mark her to feel like she's his, because goddamnit it came so close tonight to everyone seeing her only the way he gets to. Too many people almost saw what is only his to see.

For as much as he wants to wreck her, maybe tiger wants to be on her knees for him. Maybe she needs to be on her knees for him. And for however much he might need something else, nights like these are always about her, and what she needs comes first.

[psycheshorror]

“Shut Up”

pairing: MCU!Brock Rumlow x reader

summary: smutty smut smut with tons of cursing. rough sex.

authors note: I’m new to the whole writing scene, critiques appreciated!

part two

God, Brock was so pretty when he finally shut the fuck up.

It started off small. Working as an assistant for Maria Hill meant you had to schedule debriefing meetings, hunt down agents for completed mission reports, and occasionally make small talk with the big guys - Captain Rogers and you were on first name basis and sometimes he even brought you coffee when turning in his reports. Neatly written, filled out properly, never a second late and somehow the coffee always tasted like it was just brewed.

But Brock Rumlow was something else.

Always wearing a shit-eating grin when he saw you, brown eyes full of amusement as he watched you disdainfully pluck the report out of his large hands. Messy as fuck handwriting as per usual, and no matter how many times you told him to remember to be thorough, there was always a detail missing that didn’t line up with the rest of his teammates. And no matter how small it was, it meant the process had to start all over again.

You tried to remain professional, but you were at your wits end. You wanted to be like Maria. Maria never gets her feathers ruffled, and sure as hell doesn’t over paperwork, but goddamn if it didn’t require a miracle for Brock’s report to be correct the first time around.

“Hey honey,” he said, mouth curling up into a catlike grin.

“Rumlow,” you acknowledged, trying desperately to keep your eyes fixated on your computer screen, almost effectively ignoring the flutter in your chest at the pet name. You reached for your coffee mug and frowned when the now-cold liquid hit your lips.

Licking your bottom lip when a stray drop threatened to dribble down your chin, you swore you heard the 6”4 man purr.

A shuffle in your peripheral vision and your desk creaking, you couldn’t help but to now look into the eyes of the absolute brick house of a man.

Both large hands placed flat against the edges of your desk, leaning down, he was only a few inches away from your face now. You could feel his breath on your lips and much to your embarrassment, felt a familiar stirring in your core.

“Do you wanna fuck?”

“Wh- what-“

All of a sudden he was chuckling, head bowing down to look at the floor and you could almost see a shyness you’ve never seen the agent express - ever. But then when he looked back at you, pupils blown wide and a different kind of smirk, you knew at that moment you were a goner.

Brock Rumlow was a wolf and you were a sitting duck, waiting to be eaten.

And eaten you were.

Brock currently had his face in between your legs, tongue mercilessly working your clit as his large fingers pumped into you. Threading your fingers in his hair, you cried out as the coil in your core wrapped so tight that you thought you were gonna die. Just a few more seconds and -

Brock’s head popped up and his fingers slid out to slap your pussy and you almost sobbed. “Brock!!” you whined, embarrassed at the desperation in your voice.

“Did I fucking say you could cum?” he gritted out, hands on your hips and fingers digging so hard in the flesh you knew there would be bruises the next day.

“You motherfucker-“ you yelped when you were suddenly face down into the mattress. Brock’s strength was insane on the field - you knew from

his bio that he built a reputation as being a huge asset to S.H.I.E.L.D., but you never expected it to creep into bed with him as well.

Well, you never expected to be in bed with him in general, but life is full of happy surprises, isn’t it?

You could feel Brock rutting against your ass, cock hard in his tactical pants. One hand firmly placed on the small of your back to hold you down, the other finding it’s way in your hair, tugging firmly. Nothing could have prepared you for how goddamn hot that was.

“Name calling ain’t nice, sweetheart,” he said, breath quickening as his hips rolled into your ass at a brutish pace.

“You’re gonna have to pay the price,” he whispered in your ear before licking the shell of it. You shivered, arousal completely dominating your mind and body. Fuck, you shouldn’t be wet for Brock Rumlow. You felt a tinge of guilt for Steve. You should be in bed with the guy that brought you coffee, not the one who couldn’t file a report properly because he simply didn’t care to.

A harsh slap on your bare ass brought you back to the situation at hand. You moaned as the hand in your hair switched to pinching your right nipple. Twisting hard, your eyes fluttered shut at the new feeling. You’ve never had it rough like this, but damn you were missing out.

You could feel your core starting to coil once more, on the precipice of orgasm just from Brock manhandling you and his covered cock rubbing against your cheeks.

“You like it rough, you little slut?” Another harsh slap from his right hand almost sent you over the edge. You moaned as his cock twitched in his pants, and knew how desperate he was for his own orgasm.

“I asked you a fuckin’ question,” he grunted, hands leaving your body to undo his belt and zipper. Your pussy quaked with the promise of being thoroughly fucked.

“Yes,” you moaned. “Now shut the fuck up and fuck me, Rumlow.”

You could feel the smile against your neck before he bit you, the full length of his cock slipping in until he completely buried himself in your core. You both almost keeled from pleasure.

“Oh fuck, sweetheart, you feel so good around my cock,” he groaned, dark eyelashes fluttering closed as he experimentally thrusted into you, almost savoring the sensation.

“Gotta let me fuck you all the time, I don’t know if I can get enough.” Finally slamming into you, you knew what true pleasure felt like.

“Rumlow,” you cried, tears prickling out the corners of your eyes as you angled yourself against him to feel his cock hit that perfect, magic spot in your pussy that made you see stars. He was merciless with his pace, his large hands digging into your hips once more, forcing you to take his full length and force at once.

The sound of his skin slapping against yours should have made you feel embarrassed. You weren’t supposed to be playing hanky panky with any of your coworkers, nonetheless an agent, but how were you supposed to resist his advances with his pretty brown eyes and that sultry smile?

And now with his cock buried so deeply inside of you, how could you ever stop?

He angled his hips upwards and you felt the underside of his shaft brush against your clit thrice and you were sent into one of the most powerful orgasms you have ever had.

Brock moaned feeling your walls close in on his cock and tugged your hair as you rode the waves of your orgasm. You cried when he slapped your ass, hard, and kept thrusting into you like his life depended on it. Your hands were shaking and you could barely keep your legs open, your orgasm turning you into a throbbing, helpless mess.

He came after a minute of reckless thrusting, the kind that said “I’m drunk off of sex” without anyone explicitly having to say it out loud. Spilling hot cum inside of you, you could feel him moan and a wave of pride washed over you. You could get used to hearing this more often.

Brock sighed and he gently kissed the dark marks he left on your neck, caressing your back and hushing your whimpers when he pulled out of your aching pussy.

Lips barely ghosting the angry red marks his hands left on your ass, he gingerly massaged your hips where he could see the bruises already forming.

After soft touches and tender kisses, he flipped you over, this time slowly as if you were the most valuable thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.

You could feel your heart swelling with affection when you saw his eyes were now full of pure satisfaction. Hush now, feelings.

It was just good, rough sex. No need to make it anything other than that.

“Gotta say, honey,” he said, voice still coated with lust as he tucked his body against yours, pulling the sheets over both of you.

“I’m glad I can finally stop fucking up mission reports.”

“You bastard!” you exclaimed, laughing wildly as he curled a forearm around your waist. “I can’t count how many times I’ve had to make you redo your reports.”

“Well, I tried to get your attention, but you were all business,” he chuckled, nose nuzzling in your hair.

“So I figured, I’m just gonna ask. And I didn’t think you were gonna say yes.”

“Ask and you shall receive,” you yawned, feeling the fatigue of the wild sex start to creep into your bones. Eyes almost fluttering closed, you basked in the warmth of the big, muscly body behind you.

“Well, since you mentioned it... can I get an extension on this next report?”

“Not a chance.” You grinned, just before dozing off.

[lyricallyinspired]

Only Murders in this Building Sentence Starters

“People talk way too fucking much in this city.” “That’s really all we want, isn’t it? More time with the people we love.” “Do I wanna break into a dead guy’s apartment and go through all his shit? *brief pause* Sounds like an afternoon.” “I can’t tell if I want it to be nothing... or if I want it to be something.” ”Is it his blood?! Is it my blood?! Am I bleeding through my shoes?!” ”Look, nobody liked him-- but can we just be grateful he is gone?” “We're born alone, spend most of our time alone, then we all go out alone.” “I used context clues but thank you.” “Sometimes a second chance is just another chance to get it wrong.” “I'm going to stop you before you accidentally say I'm not sexy.” “Embrace the mess. That's where the good stuff lives.” “I don’t think you know what you mean.” ”Shit just got super real.” “And I’m fucking worried.” “It’s not what you think.” “I think we should just hit him with the charm.” “I will take you down to the bone, motherfucker.” “If you see me around, act like you don’t know me--- because you don’t.” “Happily. Fuck you.” “If there’s a problem, I’ll fix it.” “You wondering if I ever found someone who would love me?’ “I’m just trying to figure out who you were.” ”I think our list of suspects just got longer.” “We gotta get her. I’m not leaving her here!” ”You’re very confused about which way the pity flows here.” “Do you appeal to anybody?” “We blend in by standing out.’ “Sometimes it's easier to figure out someone else's secret than it is to deal with your own.” “I just need to know how invested I should get in you.” “I am so lost here. Can someone please fill me in? Unless it’s boring, and then don’t.” “Just because things aren't what they seem doesn't mean she's a bad person.” “He was alone. Isn’t that enough to make us care?” “I mean, you’re insane, but that’s usually who people want to follow.” “Women who knock rarely make history.” “Just when it's starting to feel the same, that's when you get hit by something you never saw coming.” “The fuck is this?”

[xtrashmammalstefx]

March of the Black Queen (A Borhap Boys SMUT)

Part 18 of The Queen Repertoire Series

WARNINGS: PURE FILTH! LANGUAGE, SMUT, THE WHOLE SHEBANG!

Notes: I am so going to hell for this, but if you're reading this then so are you so...see you there!

I swear this life is a fucking curse!

I’ve always had my fair share of bad luck but this was ridiculous on so many levels. My so-called boyfriend of five months decided it would be just great to rail the shit out of our neighbor in our bed. Motherfucker never even told me he was GAY! I packed my things as he sobbed and said he was ‘sorry’ and explained how he’d been trapped in the closet his whole life (asshole parents). I told him I would forgive him in time, but for now, I needed a few days to get over the sting of it all. I left our apartment and drove to my best friend's place.

I’ve known Joe forever and he always knew what to do to get me out of a funk. He was basically a happy virus that infected every part of me.

He answered the door and his face when from having a sunshiny smile to a very irate look. “What the fuck did he do?”

“More like who the fuck did he do,” I said entering his apartment and explaining as best I could what had gone down without outing my ex (not exactly my sexuality to reveal after all). “Do I even need to ask if I can crash here until I find my own place?”

“You can stay here forever if you want,” he said embracing me. Joe gives the best hugs on the planet, and fuck anyone who disagrees with that. “The guestroom is all yours, go unpack while I call in the cavalry.”

“Seriously?” I arched an eyebrow at him.

“They care about you too, you know,” he said. I rolled my eyes and left to unpack. Sometime later multiple voices filled the air. The Borhap Cavalry had rolled in. I put on a happy face and made my way to the living room. I’d barely entered when a body slammed into me.

“I’LL FUCKING KILL HIM I SWEAR!” Rami said crushing me in his arms.

“Relax, my King,” I said. “It was an inevitable thing...nothing for you to lose your shit over.”

He stepped back still not convinced. “But—.”

“But nada, my King,” I said. “A pure-warmhearted Pharaoh such as yourself doesn’t belong in prison anyway.”

He sighed but nodded before taking his place on the sofa. On the coffee table were a couple of pizzas and beer to wash them down. I sighed.

“You guys are too good to me,” I said going in for a slice of (Y/F/P). We ate in silence for a while, each of the guys comforting me every now and then. Once we were done eating though...things got a lot louder.

“Truth or Dare, right now, who’s in?!” Joe asked, shouting slightly (he was a bit drunk so…). The guys shrugged.

“Eh, what the hell,” I said.

“Y/N/N TRUTH OR DARE?!” he asked excitedly.

“Um, I dunno, dare I guess,” I said. “You know to break the ice.”

Joe got an evil smirk on his face.

“What?” I asked.

“I dare you to play the Game,” I damn near choked on my beer.

“YOU FUCKER!” I snapped at him.

“What’s the Game?” Gwilym asked.

Joe laughed.

“It’s a stupid thing we did back in college,” I said turning to Joe. “A thing you promised never to speak of!”

“Oh, come on,” Joe said. “You gotta admit, this is exactly what you need right now.”

I groaned. “I hate you so much right now.”

He took out his phone. “Your time starts now.”

“What exactly does she have to do?” Ben asked.

“You’ll see,” Joe smirked earning a middle finger from me.

A couple minutes later Ben excused himself to use the little boy's room. I groaned under my breath. Too easy…

Round 1- Ben:

I excused myself a moment later, claiming to need something from my room. I stopped in front of the bathroom and knocked slightly. “Ben?”

“Yeah?” he answered through the door. I could hear his full stream going but...the opportunity was too perfect.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

“Um...just give me a moment,” I could hear him flush and then the sink turned on. I was nervous but did what I had to to be ready. I thought of him...of his strong hands and his length. I was suddenly very grateful that I had changed out of my cut-off shorts and into my pajama shorts. I shoved my hand in and began rubbing circles around myself. I let out a small whimper and I almost didn’t hear the doorknob turn. The door opened and Ben stood there, mouth agape as he stared at my hand. I quickly pulled it out. “Uh...did..uh...do you need something?”

“No,” I said. “I just wanted to know if you wanted to play a game,”

He looked at me confused so I stepped up and brought my lips to his. My kiss stunned him but not as much as my touch did. I reached down and rubbed at his length through his jeans.

He pulled back gasping. “Are you bloody serious right now?”

I nodded and brought my lips to the skin of his neck. “Come on, Ben...play with me,” I whispered wrapping my arms around him. He cursed and picked me up. He placed me on the sink and slammed the door shut. I yanked my shirt off and hopped down to rid myself of my shorts and panties. I hopped back up as Ben started to do the same. Once he was free of his pants he tugged on himself and stepped closer to me. I reached up and cupped his face in my hands pecking him on his lips. He kissed me back before pushing in. I bit back a moan as Ben let out a grunt.

“You feel so fucking good, love,” he muttered as he started to move. To say he knew what to do to get me to scream and writhe would be an understatement. He thrust into me as though for him it had been quite a while since he last had mind-blowing, toe-curling sex.

“Mm, fuck...I really did need this,” I moaned holding onto him as he slammed into me hitting my sweet spot. “FUCK! Ben! Right there, right there!”

Ben smirked. “Only if you moan my name again.”

“Ben,” I moaned as he slammed into me again. “BEN!”

I suddenly felt my body begin to tense up and I knew… ”Fuck Ben...I’m almost there!”

“It’s alright,” he said. “Come for me darling,” he pecked me on my lips. “Come on my dick.” He muttered.

Suddenly my body became still and I was screaming his name as I soaked his cock in my juices. Ben continued as I collapsed on the counter. Eventually, his body stiffened and he filled me up with a grunt that melted into a moan.

“You...are...bloody...amazing at that,” he said breathlessly.

“I’m amazing? Ben, I haven’t screamed that loud in years.” I said.

“Well then you’re ex is bloody miserable at sex,” he chuckled. “You deserve to scream like that each and every time you’re fucked, and I’m glad I was able to do it this time.” He reached down and pulled himself out of me. “Who knows...maybe I can do it again one day.”

I chuckled. “Maybe.”

I hopped down and cleaned myself up before getting dressed. We went back to the living room where Joe was smirking at us.

“Consider the Game commenceth,” I said.

“Ben, on a scale of one to ten, how was it?” he asked.

“One-fucking-thousand mate,” he said. Both Rami and Gwilym looked at us confused.

“Don’t worry you two, you’ll have your turn soon enough,” I said smirking at them.

We continued to hang out and when the sun began to set we agreed it was time for a movie. But first Gwil wanted to check in with his girlfriend. He disappeared into the kitchen with his phone.

“Joe do I really..?” I whispered.

“You know the rules babe,” he said.

“But he has a girlfriend,” I argued.

“Yeah,” Joe said. “A girlfriend that’s been giving him a lot of shit lately.”

Round 2- Gwilym:

I sighed decided it was useless to argue with Joe. A moment later I stood up and started towards the kitchen. Gwil was sitting at the dining table while on the phone and it did not look good.

“Darling, I swear I’ll be home by next week,” he said. “I know but...this isn’t exactly a small project you know...and these men are basically family to me I can’t just...Darling..? Darling..? FUCK!” he hung up and threw his phone onto the small dining table.

I stepped in awkwardly. “Hey, uh, is everything okay?”

“She’s threatened to leave me unless I go home tonight,” he said glumly.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I sighed.

“Don’t be,” he said. “We’d sort of been crumbling for a while...we’ve been wanting to take the next step and have a baby and all that but...I have work. And it’s not like I’m working a regular nine-to-five I could quit just like that I’m...I’m living my dream.”

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him. “It’s gonna be okay Gwil,” I said. “Everything usually works out in the end.”

“Do you think it’ll work out for me?” he asked.

“I know it will,” I muttered pecking him on his scruffy cheek. “Any woman would be damn lucky to be with you,” I said pulling. “Hell, I feel lucky just knowing you.”

He smiled slightly at that. “I wouldn’t say I feel lucky knowing you,” he said. I looked at him slightly confused. “It wouldn’t be enough...I’m blessed to know you.” My lips were on his in an instant. His facial hair tickled me slightly, and I let out a small giggle. Gwil in turned smiled and wrapped his arms around me deepening the kiss. I climbed onto his lap and straddled him.

“God, what the fuck are we doing?” Gwil said before moving to kiss the skin of my neck.

“I dunno but I don’t want it to stop...do you?”

“No,” he said continuing his work on my neck. I started grinding on the bulge growing in his pants. He moaned. I continued moving my hips along the bulge until eventually, Gwil needed more.

He took me off of him and started undoing the button and zipper on his pants. I quickly pulled my shorts and panties down and looked up to see Gwil with his pants and boxers around his ankles and his length in his hand as he stared at me.

“Ready to play?” I muttered damn near purring the words. In response, Gwil wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. I hovered for a moment before sliding down onto his length. “HOLY SHIT!” Like the rest of him, his length was long and thick. Gwil hissed at the motion. After a while, I began to move.

Gwil pulled my shirt over my head a little while into it and began massaging my breast. I pulled his shirt off as well as I continued to move up and down his length. Now completely exposed to one another he brought his mouth to my breasts and started playing with my nipple. The feeling made me moan and move faster. Gwil grunted and brought his hands to my hips. He went in deep but not too hard.

You see while Ben was rough and damn near frantic Gwil took care of me. He made sure he wasn’t hurting me and did all he could to give us both a hell of an experience.

He picked me up after what felt like a lifetime of me riding him and laid me on the ground. He continued his caring ways as he thrust into me. I reached down and squeezed his (insanely perfect) fat-bottomed ass. He groaned at that and unintentionally thrust into my sweet spot. I moaned holding on to him.

He moved inside me hitting that same spot over and over again. “Gwil...I’m gonna…”

“It’s okay, darling,” he said. “D-Did you want me to cum on your stomach or..?”

“No,” I said getting closer to reaching my peak. “No, I want you inside me...please do it inside me.”

He looked slightly panicked. “What if I...fuck...what if I put a baby in you?”

I smiled. “Then I guess we’ll have to have a baby together.”

Suddenly a wave splashed over me making me arch my back and causing my toes to curl. I moaned and tightened around Gwil. He continued to thrust eventually letting out a loud moan as he shot his seed inside me. His body trembled as he came down from his high. He pecked me gently on my lips.

We cuddled there for a moment before standing up to get dressed. Gwil grabbed a paper towel and cleaned my cunt showing that his caring in sex didn’t stop at aftercare. I blushed and proceeded to get dressed. “Gwil?”

“Hm?” He looked up at me as he zipped up his pants.

“After the Game, do you think we could ever..?” And that’s when he cupped my face and kissed me. We pulled and were both smiling like idiots.

“I love you,” he muttered. My heart raced and I pecked him before saying…

“I love you too.”

Hand in hand we walked back into the living room having missed a good chunk of the movie.

“Jurassic Park again, really?” I said sitting next to Joe.

“Don’t avoid the subject Y/N/N,” Joe said. “Gwil, how’d it go?”

“About a million out of ten I’d say,” he smiled.

We continued to watch the movie which ended once the sun was fully gone. We agreed on watching one more movie before calling it a night and the temperature dropped to freezing levels (by Southern California standards I mean). I noticed Rami shivering.

Round 3- Rami:

I got up and ran to my room to get my favorite blanket. I grabbed it and went back to the living room sitting down beside Rami. “Here,” I motioned him to get under it.

“Oh, no I’m—.”

“I wasn’t asking, my King,” I said. He sighed and pulled the blanket over himself.

“Thanks,” he said.

For the last movie, we decided on one of my faves (come at me, I dare you!) Breaking Dawn Part 2. At first, it was just another innocent night with me and my boys. Then Rob and Kristen started having rough vampire sex. That plus the music made me relax into Rami.

“Wow, that’s actually kind of...hot,” Rami said.

“You know I’m willing to bet there are a lot of girls out there who imagine themselves like that with Benjamin,” I said. “Your Benjamin, I mean, not...okay probably our Ben too but...you know what I mean.”

“You think?” he looked at me questioningly.

I nodded. “I bet they even touch themselves while they do it too,” I muttered bringing my hand down to his leg. “Bet they even moan his name or even your name.” I started rubbing his length through the fabric of his pants. His eyes grew wide as he gasped.

“What the fuck are you..?”

I smirked up at him. “Time to play...my King.” I undid the button and zipper on his pants and brought my hand to his length which was already semi-hard. I ran my hand up and down his shaft feeling it grow more and more.

“Fuck,” he muttered. I smiled and brought my lips to his jaw. I kissed him softly, trailing up to his ear.

“Did you want to play here or..?”

“Behind the couch,” he said. “I-I don’t want them to see.”

“Yeah, ‘cause we sure as hell can’t hear anything,” Joe joked.

“Fuck off,” Rami said.

“Seriously though, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before,” Joe said. “You don’t have to be so nervous. ‘Side’s it’ll probably be better than the show those walking glitter bombs are putting on.”

Well, Joe did have a point.

Rami suddenly picked me up and placed me on the floor. “Let’s play, buttercup,” he muttered (in his Snafu accent no less)before pulling my shirt over my head. We stripped each other eagerly before Rami turned me so that I was on my knees. Like Freddie before him, Rami was really blessed in the dick department. As he positioned himself at my entrance (keeping the blanket on us at all times) I questioned for a moment how that would ever fit inside me. He made it work though.

I gasped as he stretched me.

“Huh-How the fuck are you all insanely big?” I asked stunned at how well endowed these four drastically different men were. Joe, Gwil, and Ben just chuckled at that.

The next few minutes were filled with our moans and slapping sounds as Rami thrust into me. I was basically bent over the couch between Joe and Gwil so as Rami took me from behind I could clearly see them with their hands on their lengths. Joe reached down and massaged my breast.

“Joey,” I moaned. “It’s not your turn yet.”

“I know,” he groaned, his other hand moving faster along his cock. “Fuck.”

Meanwhile, Rami reached around me and started rubbing my clit. “Oh fuck…” I moaned.

“That’s right Buttercup,” Rami muttered in my ear. “Cum for me. Cum all over this dick.”

My back arched and I tightened around him. “RAAMMIII!!!”

Unlike the others, he pulled out and jerked off onto my back. “FUUCCKK!!” he groaned as he painted my back.

“Hands down the best lay I’ve ever had,” Rami said breathlessly. “Million outta ten for sure.”

Round 4- Joe:

“J-Joey?” I said looking up at him.

“All ready for you Y/N/N,” he said motioning me to get up on the couch with him. Legs shaking I stood up and sank down onto his length. I road him harder than I did Gwil, mainly because it was the final round and lord knows the last was the most important in the Game.

Joe kissed my breast as he held me close.

“Fuck, it’s been so long,” he moaned.

“Not for me,” I smirked. I looked over and Gwil was still jerking himself. Looking around I found that Rami had collapsed on the floor (exhausted) and Ben was watching us with his length in his hand. I turned back to Joe kissed him once and picked up my pace. Joe chuckled.

“Someone’s having a good time,” he teased. I moaned.

“Just shut up and fuck me,” I said.

“As you wish,” he smirked before flipping me over. He rammed into me pushing me slightly forward so that my mouth was inches above Gwil’s cock. “You wanna suck it?”

I moaned and nodded.

“Go ahead,” Joe said.

I grabbed Gwil’s length and kissed the tip before sliding it into my mouth. Gwil hissed and his fists balled up.

I was getting lost in sucking when I heard Ben ask Joe, “Mate, do you mind?”

“Hang on a second Ben, I’m getting close,” Joe said. Sure enough a moment he threw his head back and slammed into me one last time before bursting inside me. He moaned and shook as he emptied himself. He then pulled out and another length was shoved inside me.

I pulled back from Gwil and looked behind me to see Ben thrusting into me, our skin smacking together.

I was on cloud nine.

Once Ben came for the second time I found myself getting close to bursting. I crawled onto Gwil and slid onto his length.

“I-I’m almost there,” I said riding him.

“Allow me then,” he said grabbing onto my hips and slamming up into me.

“OH FUCK!” He moved fast and hard. “Fuck! Gwil! Yes, yes, yes...right there, right there!”

Tension brewed within me and before I knew it I was tight around his length, soaking him in my juices. I threw my head back and screamed as I came hard. I collapsed on top of him and straddled him as he continued thrusting.

“Fuck! FUCK!” Gwil cursed bursting inside me.

We all collapsed in bliss, the movie long forgotten, and all of us spent beyond belief.

Now I've got a belly full You can be my sugar baby You can be my honey chile, yes

“So does anyone win in this game?” Ben asked.

Joe chuckled. “Y/N/N is...the winner is the person who screams the loudest.”

“I won last time too,” I said. “Thanks to Joe...I dunno if it’s a ginger thing or what but...damn!”

“Pretty sure it’s a Deacon thing,” Joe said.

“Oh yes, it’s definitely a Deacon thing darling,” Rami said in his Freddie accent.

I laughed. “You’re all idiots,” I looked up at Gwil who was currently my pillow. “But I love you.”

He smiled. “We love you too.”

“And we definitely have to play again someday,” Joe added.

“Not sure that’ll be possible with me and Gwil dating and all,” I said.

“Wait wuh?” Joe gawked at us.

“Are you serious?” Ben asked.

Rami just smiled.

Gwil and I laughed and kissed for the final time.

GAME OVER!

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