#sometimes you gotta play dangerous games to see art that fucks like no other

[satansleftnutcheek]

Bitches will create the MOST DEVASTATING STORIES KNOWN TO MAN out of 2 besties playing Minecraft together what the FUCK did they put in the water why are people making work about GoodTimesWithScar and Grian as if they’re Penelope and Odysseus the boys really saw a silly comedy and said no not sad enough we MUST fix this

[lanatusnebula]

Alt take on AI (plus bonus ramble)

AI sucks ass.

Ok.

So with that being established, there's one site I do think about using sometimes. "This Person Does Not Exist", right. FUNNY STORY about that one.

Normally, like 10 or so years ago, I used to use a tumblr site called "humanae" to reference real faces to practice drawing humans. It helped a lot because there were a lot of different ethnicity and people that had deformations and variations etc- just generally a very educational site from an artistic point of view. Naturally I think the site was getting traffic by a number of other artists or something behind the scenes happened and it went full paywall. Just links to paid stuff. I think it was some sort of photography project that showed off the diversity of mankind and now they wanted money for it.

And I'm cheap. Real cheap. Dangerously cheap. I'm broke and I know I'll be that way until I get a better occupation. So I didn't pay, thus, I didn't get to use their resource. Fair enough.

But in the end it got harder to find faces to draw from because things I used search engines to find ended up being heavily edited to hide blemishes to the point of being noticeable. It was getting difficult to draw *people* and just generally became a resource I didn't look up for a long while. Like... what.. 8 years?

I used to play with the This Person Does Not Exist generator a lot when it was younger of a program thing, and had hilarious glitches that made eldritch monsters. Now that it has blown up, I think the thing can actually be a great reference too? Maybe some of the humans aren't quite as human as a real human would be, but there's enough diversity for me to use it to practice drawing faces of random ethnicity and ages. I just thought I'd ramble about that.

I know AI is stealing stuff and art websites are getting good deals and are being payed to let them take our shit. And honestly I think we're getting to a point where the financial benefits to the sites to betray artists outweighs the amount of distress the artists express. ANd there are individuals that manually steal art from artists on 1-on-1 conversations in order to train machines. I don't think it's a battle we can truly win.

I did like the approach some artists had to just either clean up AI art or use it as a stepping stone to improving their own art.

If anything, I'm settling. I've been in denial for so long. It's either I stay obscure with my poor skill level, or I improve and become noticeable enough for someone to jack my art style. There's no winning. I wanted to stop drawing overall due to the hopeless outlook I had on life. But I do know there are some things AI can't draw quite yet. (fucking megaman characters outside of classic for one LOL) And some people really do like the "handmade" side of art - just as they do for crafts. I obviously don't make enough to create a stable financial income off of my art, and I do feel like quitting and putting my all into a 9-to-5 job is the smarter route.

But I don't know. It's like an addiction. I like creating fanart that doesn't already exist, something that doesn't feed into mainstream because it's too obscure or weird. "Become the change you want to see" type of practice, except it's just for selfish reasons. Nothing noble - just self-indulgence. LIke wanting to make Grey and Reg eating pizza in a Rainforest Cafe. I could do it with enough dedication, and it'd be the first of its kind. And I think the novelty of doing like "-insert game-'s first fanart" or first r34 is freaking hilarious. It's stupid and it's fun.

If I gotta jack someone's AI and use it as a reference, I might. Most of the styles that I see AI stealing aren't quite the kinds of art styles I'd use myself. Painted animes and westernized furry stuff. I'm kind of in this weird space with a lot of other obscure artists where the art style doesn't really have a word or a clear leaning into any specific genre. I'm not trying to say "my art is super duper unique and i'm not like the other girls" - it's just that I don't know what to call it.

But then again I haven't exactly posted what my style looks like. I'm just doing style mimicry. It's not much better than an AI, some of the stuff I'm making - I still copy someone else's art style (Toru Nakayama is my bitch of choice I guess??????? and I do a poor job at it when I attempt LOL)

I forgot why Iwas here.

[crown-anon]

aah i thought of a req!!!!! could i maybe request one shots or hcs (separate) w dream, sapnap, n wilbur with a s/o (preferred he/him!!) who draws a whole lot,, n one day they catch him drawing him?? tysm :]

@ghcstbnr asked

gn i just realized i made a typo i meant cc catching reader drawing them- but ty again :)

of course! it's kind of long, sorry about that

I took a little creative liberty with the notion of "catching you drawing." also Sapnap's looks kind of long but it's also dialogue heavy. if you want me to redo it, I will. hope you like it 💗

& a note to everyone else, I don't write for Wilbur yet! I only write for the dream team at this time. sorry about that! this will probably change in the future, though, so look out 👀

CW: swearing

format: one-shot

people: dreamwastaken, Sapnap

pronouns: dreamwastaken's piece is ambiguous, Sapnap's piece uses he/him

edited 27 April 2021

—

dreamwastaken

since he doesn't use his camera, you find yourself with your boyfriend in the studio more often than not. when he's gaming casually, you play together, or one of you will cheer the other one on. when he's streaming, sometimes you interact with the viewers, or read donations for him; sometimes you just sit next to him, soaking up his energy and warmth. when he's working long days and long nights to edit videos, you're content with just relaxing together in the same space. at times you have to drag him out to the kitchen to eat, or help him to bed if he passes out, but…he's really cute when he's focused. (and you're starting to think he does it on purpose just so you can dote on him.)

today is a little different. he's recording for a manhunt that's meant to drop in a couple days. you're quiet, trying to avoid disrupting them. you're perched up on the loveseat, staring fondly at him across the room. he's so animated, the way his eyes shine when he talks to his friends, how he tears up when he laughs…

Patches mews at you from the arm of the couch, as if to say, disapprovingly, I cannot believe how sickeningly sweet your inner monologue is.

and you try to understand where she's coming from, you really do, but the sun's starting to set, and the gentle rays slotting through the blinds are shifting from white to gold.

he looks so divine, you decide. it's unfair. how could I not love him? he's seriously pretty. and before you can stop yourself, you're sketching him out on your tablet. you glance up at him fast to get the details right, and look away just as quickly. he never meets your eyes. soon your whole page is covered in little Clays, capturing the way he feels, the way he acts, the way you feel about him. Patches jumps off the chair, with all the moving. and before you know it, you've drawn up a whole page of concept art of your unfairly beautiful boyfriend. Patches was right about me, you muse to yourself.

fuck. Patches. the same Patches who's been meowing at you for the better part of an hour, now sitting patiently at the door? there's no way Clay didn't pick up on all that noise, you fret. but he's still playing, looking intense as ever. relief washes over you, replacing the guilt.

come here, girl, you think to yourself, knowing Patches wouldn't have even understood you if you spoke. sorry to keep you waiting. and you rise, slipping quietly out the door with his cat in your train.

—

you're coming back to the studio. Patches, fed and sated, is napping in another room. opening the door, you have to stop yourself, you freeze. your boyfriend's kneeling on the ground, sitting on his heels, right next to the door—you'd have hit him if it opened any further.

"baby, what are you…" the words die on your tongue.

my book. my sketchbook. my sketchbook full of drawings of him. shit, he's gonna think I'm such a simp! the embarrassment, the shame, the fear, it's overwhelming you.

you hear your voice break. "…what happened to recording…?"

"finished half an hour ago," he says simply.

and that was that. for the first time in ages, the silence hanging between you was thick and heavy with tension. you wait. and wait. and wait. you wait for the criticism, the hate, the argument that never comes.

suddenly, he seems content with what he's seen, when he looks up at you adoringly, and takes one of your hands, giving it a soft squeeze. "is that…me?"

you've lost your voice, all you can do is nod.

"you…you think I'm beautiful?" he glows.

ah, I suppose I did write that, somewhere in there. you look away. all the things I've said…

he brings your hand up to his lips and leaves kisses on your knuckles.

you sound small. "do I not tell you that enough?" you pause. "that you're beautiful? that I love you?"

and just like that, his nervousness dissolves into euphoria. you both start laughing at the same time.

"oh my god—" he wheezes. "—you're so sappy."

"only for you," you blurt out, and start laughing harder. but he quiets, he hesitates.

"only for me," he repeats.

you sink down onto the floor next to him. he's staring so fondly at you, you can't help but smile back.

"only for you," you affirm.

he rests his hands on your knees, pulling himself closer to you. he's so close to you, you can feel his blush. you let your eyes close, softly.

but the kiss never comes. instead, you're met with a "then what about all those drawings of Patches?"

laying on the floor, tangled up in each other, in hysterics, you distantly think I hope he remembered to leave the call from recording earlier.

—

over dinner, you meet his gaze, and he gives you that look. that stupid, handsome look; the one with the smile and the danger behind his eyes. he makes a point of pausing mid-bite, but it takes you a minute to notice that he's stopped eating.

"what's up, honey?" you ask, sounding a little more concerned than you should have been.

he shrugs dramatically. "oh, nothing…just figured you'd appreciate a muse." there it was. the teasing. you knew it would happen eventually. but the tone, it's kind, it's tempting; gentle, unlike a serious jab.

so all you do is roll your eyes, but you can't help the way your mouth quirks into a smile. "you're so dumb," you murmur with affection, and shake your head at nothing in particular.

Patches curls her tail around your ankle as she passes you by.

—

on the couch hours later for movie night, you're the last one up. Patches is curled up in Clay's lap, purring. Clay, in turn, sleeps soundly in your lap. (you think if he could purr, he would, but he settles for humming softly when you play with his hair.) you might think it's funny looking back on it later, but it feels so tender and vulnerable now. you like calm evenings like this one. Studio Ghibli plays quietly on the flatscreen; you don't know which one, you're not really paying attention anymore.

you're busy tracing the contours of Clay's skin, feeling more than seeing his shape in the dark room. mapping him out in your mind, learning his figure like you're seeing him for the first time again. you think you understand him a little bit better, every day you spend together. and with confidence, you make your first stroke, illuminated by the moon.

—

Sapnap

you only barely stop yourself from drawing a big "X" across your paper. exhale, and start erasing furiously. don't rip the paper—well, we didn't need that sheet anyway. ball it up and throw it at the dark, cobwebbed corner of the room. along with the rest of your mistakes.

you're trying. you're really trying. but those lips. his fucking lips. fuck.

your boyfriend smiles at the camera as he gets a donation with a sweet message on it. it should be so easy. he's right there. right here.

you check the time. it's been an hour. you've been trying, and miserably failing, to get his lips right for an entire hour. today, at least. you scoff at yourself, your misery, and pinch the bridge of your nose. it isn't fair.

his camera's on, and he's live, so you know you can't be in there with him. nobody knows you're together, and you don't want know what kind of backlash to expect if people found out. so you've been avoiding his streams…the whole room where he streams, really.

you've kept yourself busy by drawing. and you've cycled through many subjects in your life, and eventually, been able to draw whatever you put your mind to with enough time and effort. the problem is, your sights have been set on Sapnap, even for months before you got together. okay, maybe that isn't the problem. the actual problem is that you fucking suck at drawing him.

you get going, start it out, do an okay job, but midway through screw it all up somehow. to make things worse, your reference is his 2D image. he doesn't…know that you draw him. you're terrified to say. so you can't use the real life Sapnap as a reference, like you would prefer.

ugh, and this one's ruined too. you rip it up and throw it at your growing pile of paper balls, but being tiny confetti-sized pieces of paper, they don't make it very far. great, something else to clean up later, you huff at your own thoughts. it isn't fair.

—

"[name]?" he calls for you. you're one step ahead, already opening the door. you can't remember when you got here and decided to brood outside his room.

"hey, do you think you can—" he tears his eyes from his camera, his waiting audience, to look up at you expectantly. when he sees you he stops immediately, looking concerned, standing to meet you.

"what is it?" your voice is flat.

out of view of the camera, he mouths, are you okay? you only shrug and avert your eyes.

he falters, contemplates, sits back down at his desk and starts to talk to his viewers. "hey guys, I'm sorry for the short notice, but I gotta cut this stream short. my…" he glances at you for approval, only to see you motioning with your hands as if to say, no, don't.

(you yourself don't really know what for. no, don't end the stream for me? no, don't out us like this?)

he looks back. "…my friend…something came up with my friend. I have to take care of it. it's really important." you can tell he has trouble finding the right words. you can tell it throws him off, he's acting out of character for his internet personality. do you blame him? isn't this your fault? "sorry again. bye guys!"

the second he made the last click, he gets up and pulls you into a hug. it's unexpected, it knocks the wind out of you. you're certain he feels the tension.

"babe…what's wrong?" it's muffled by your neck and the sweater you're wearing. you just hold him, saying nothing.

he pulls away and holds you by the shoulders. "look at me. what's wrong?"

you feel all the more embarrassed. it's so silly to be upset about. "I…I…well, it's a lot."

he shakes his head, to say I'm not going anywhere, but his expression softens, his grip loosens. "do you want to talk about it?"

you sigh. "it started as 'I can't draw for shit', then it became 'why am I afraid of asking you for help?', and finally, worst of all, 'why the fuck can't we be seen together?' it isn't fair. it's never been fair. I'm sorry."

he thinks about it for a second. "okay, what makes you feel like we can't be seen together?"

"are you joking?" you snap. "we're two fucking boyfriends. in this society." he didn't look hurt by the outburst, but the guilt crept in anyway. "…I'm sorry."

he shakes his head, "do you really think I'd let that happen? I wouldn't ever let anyone hurt you, darling. remember that."

"I know, I know…" you don't know what to say. "it's easy to forget, I guess."

"what are you afraid to ask me for help about?"

"I…" shit, you guess you have to tell him. close your eyes, breathe, "I've been drawing you. trying to draw you. but I can't, it never turns out right."

you peek, and he's red in the face, stuttering. "me? you draw me? of all the hot people out there?"

you furrow your eyebrows at him. "don't give me that shit. you know you're cute."

he shakes his head incredulously. "are we talking about the same person here?"

"dude, your smile is literally the most radiant fucking force of nature I have ever seen."

"you're hot too! why are you coming after me?"

"I'm not 'coming after you', you're being defensive about your looks, when you shouldn't be! you're gorgeous, baby."

you're both giggling like girls at a sleepover, the anger and frustration long forgotten. now it's a war of who can be more grossly in-love with the other.

"what part of me," he manages between laughs. "are you having trouble drawing?"

"oh god," you groan, remembering yourself and your dilemma. "your lips."

"my fucking lips? you would think that—"

"no," you warn. "shut up. don't say it. don't you dare say it."

he leans in close, his hands have moved up to cup your face. you shiver.

"don't worry," he grins. "I won't."

the kiss is long and sweet, nothing like the ones you've shared in the past. he takes his time, you savor each other. you feel time stop ticking, you feel your heart stop beating, you feel the way he tilts his head. you grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him in. and when you part, you're breathing heavy, in tandem.

"thanks," you manage. "but I needed to see your lips, not kiss you into next saturday."

"nah," he laughs. "I think you needed that too."

you choose your words thoughtfully. "do you need me, too?"

he hums, and—

ding!

dreamwastaken donated $69!

:)

you could die. you could really, seriously die.

the response is instant. you don't even see Sapnap move from you to the PC, flushed down to his neck, apologizing, apologizing, and apologizing again. "change of plans, guys, we're doing an art stream!"

the chat is filled with "huh?"s and "what?"s.

"huh? what?" you didn't have the time to process what just happened.

karljacobs: I thought we were doing a make-out-with-our-secret-boyfriends stream :(

he smiled warmly at you. "yeah. my lovely boyfriend is going to draw me! he's been wanting to for a really long time, and his art is really good. let's go get your stuff."

you're in so much shock that he makes it past you and out of the room, while you stand there waiting. after a pause much longer than you intended, you hurry after him.

—

down the hall, in your room, he's got your sketchbook tucked under his arm, closed. you're sure you left it open when you came out.

you only barely get the words out. "um, did you…go through it? please don't laugh."

your heart sinks when he laughs heartily, but he grabs your hand, resting it on your book, about to hand it off. but he holds you there for a second. "of course not. I respect your privacy." he ponders for a moment. "I respect you."

you can feel the sigh of relief when you let it out. "I…love you."

your holding your book now, as he moves to collect the boxes containing your pens and pencils and colors. he gets them all together, but before he picks them up to head back, he turns around to face you. "is this too much?"

you absently reach for a hand, tracing over the lines on his palms. and you think about it. am I okay? is this too much?

"I don't think so. not with you. I'm okay."

he moves to open the door and grab the rest of your things. "well then, let's not keep them waiting!"

—

edited 27 April 2021

[vegalocity]

Hugs 16, Kisses 27 and 38 for Jasminetea, please because I need more content of this ship

Affection meme

16. ‘not wanting to let go’ hugs

27. desperate kisses

38. relieved kisses

I'd love to contribute to the jasminetea revolution Tigerseye~

--

Today was supposed to be a frightening day, yes, but not like this.

Pigsy had mocked him for his pining over Sandy for too long. And he couldn’t shut him up by mocking him over his thing for Monkey King anymore because unlike him Pigsy actually had the nerve to go for what he wanted. So once he was tired of Tang firing back about his own pining and suffering he just… went out and did it.

And Sun Wukong thought the initiative was endearing and then Tang didn’t even have a leg to stand on anymore because suddenly Pigsy wasn’t even a companion in Pining Hell anymore.

And he was getting tired of all the ‘That is NOT a good excuse! You’re a freeloader but you’re not a COWARD Tang!’ too, so he figured it was maybe time he should just grow a spine and do it too.

Today he was supposed to march over to Sandy’s boat and just.. Finally come clean. Tell him how long he’d been pining after him, whether it ended well for him or not, the emotions had all been bottled up for so long sometimes they felt like they were about to burst at the most inconvenient times.

And then Sandy would have to turn him down because Tang was man enough to acknowledge when he doesn’t really have a chance with somebody, but he’d let him down gently because Sandy was too damn good like that, and assure him a hundred times over that this didn’t have to make things weird at all and they definitely can still be friends, and that he’s super flattered and anybody would be lucky to have Tang, just… not him. And Tang would take it as well as he could and find at least some catharsis at the end of the day over it.

This was not supposed to be a day where everything went to shit so quickly. This was not supposed to be a day where some… Demon he didn’t even care enough to remember the damn name of (but he KNEW he was a Problem during the Journey to the West at SOME point) decided to raise some havoc and go absolutely batshit over the city.

Xiaotian, Xiaojiao, and surprisingly Red Son, took care of it because of course they did… But…

Sandy took a really rough hit for Xiaojiao, and… look… they were in what was essentially the superhero business in this day and age, Life risking battles were par for the course. And tanking rough hits was something Sandy would openly say he was fine with, that he was perfectly content to be the wall of muscle between his friends and danger.

That didn’t make it okay. It didn’t mean that Tang wouldn’t be absolutely devastated if something happened to him while he was protecting someone else.

That didn’t mean it wouldn’t destroy him if Sandy died without Tang ever telling him the truth because it just happened to be planned on Today of all days.

They were in what was essentially the superhero business.

They couldn’t afford to leave things unsaid anymore.

So when the battle was done, the demon (he did NOT care enough to remember which one he was- It was the Rhino King, fucking dammit) sent running, and everyone was pulling eachother from the rubble, Tang placed himself as the one to fuss over Sandy, since Pigsy was already fussing over Xiaotian and Xiaojiao whom both already had minimal injuries (and Red Son, but he kept shouting about how his assistance had been extremely conditional today and he wasn’t interested in being babied)

Though that knowing grin Pigsy shot him before doing so was certainly doing something to remind him about every single embarrassing story he had on the pig since college to threaten to indulge Sun Wukong in as what little blackmail he had left.

Sandy was a fair bit more roughed up, granted he’d been thrown through multiple buildings and every crash against the concrete that had made Tang’s gut lurch in fear and dread.

“You’ve got to take better care of yourself in these fights.” He found himself huffing quietly as he applied antiseptic to the huge gashes that had torn their way onto Sandy’s back.

He didn’t even flinch, and just laughed at the idea.

“I’ll be fine, Tang. Nothing small like this would be enough to take me down!” He forced the sterile cloth a little harder onto a certain wound right along Sandy’s spine to get the gravel out and felt the fish demon go rigid beneath his hands.

“Haha! Besides-” His voice was strained. “Rather it be me than the kids.” And the worst part was that he couldn’t even debate that! He was certain all of them would rather throw themselves into the jaws of agony than let any of the kids fall in themselves. (and by the surprisingly quick way Red submitted to Pigsy’s fretting they’d probably have another name on that list before too long)

But-

“That doesn’t make it less terrifying to have to see.” He leaned forward just a bit, feeling his forehead brush the space between Sandy’s shoulderblades, one of the few parts of his back that weren’t raw or freshly bandaged.

He felt Sandy take in a breath beneath him. “I’m sorry Tang… Musta’ looked pretty bad from the sidelines, huh?” The sidelines.

“You have no idea.”

He was always on the sidelines, huh? Long before all of this fighting and magic started coming around.

He’d only become friends with Pigsy in the first place because the history buildings and the kitchens were close to each other so they’d pass through the same pathways on their respective ways to class back in college, and he was obnoxious and curious and Pigsy was the only one from the Culinary Arts major who’d indulged him. He’d only even met Sandy at all because of their history.

He’d just always been extremely lucky to annoy the right people. Because he never took any real chances. He’d talk a lot of game back then, and even sometimes now, but he was always the real wallflower of the group.

Did he really have it in him?

It wasn't really a good hug but he didn't have to pull away, he didn't necessarily want to anyway. If he just left it there Sandy didn't have to know. He could just continue on and it never would raise any red flags.

He could.

Tang shuffled around, and though Sandy remained seated he twisted his body to face him and smiled that big, sweet, beautiful smile.

“I’ll try to be a little more careful, There is a difference between being a body shield and playing defense, I gotta remember that.”

Fuck it.

Leap of faith time.

…

He… He was supposed to say something. He was supposed to just say how he felt. But the impulse to DO something instead of just say something had for a moment driven him temporarily insane, so instead of just telling Sandy how he felt, like a normal person would have done, Tang decided to pick the stupid version of that and grab Sandy by his necklace and pull him in.

But dammit- he was TIRED of this!

And-.... it felt good. It felt really fucking good to finally kiss him. Sandy let out a muffled yelp of surprise but quieted quickly.

-But he didn’t kiss back.

Tang pulled away and willed himself not to be too upset, he knew this was coming after all.

Didn’t make it hurt any less to have the confirmation though.

Too late now. Might as well make the whole thing explicit.

“I’ve been in love with you for too damn long to watch you throw your life away like that.”

He braced himself for the vague noise of distress when it sunk in for Sandy what that meant. Braced himself for the ‘Oh… Tang I’m uh… I’m really sorry and I’m super flattered-’

And then a large, gentle hand hooked under his chin to keep him in place and-

Oh…

Well… that was a balm on his nerves. Tang responded to the second kiss as much as he could, which was admittedly a bit difficult for how chaste it actually was, but placing his hands on Sandy’s arm and leaned in, and- was this real? Was this really happening? Was he about to wake up at home halfway tangled up in bedsheets and cursing another day of being a coward?

He didn’t want it to end, but when Sandy pulled away and smiled down at him that big beautiful bashful smile, cheeks turning purple with a truly precious blush he couldn’t complain.

And then the sounds of cheering from the others broke up the moment.

“Fucking FINALLY”

--

Send me stuff

[demonwifey]

Beetlejuice + Phones📱: Part 2

WHEW, so this is here. Yesterday I posted some headcanons Beetlejuice using phones. Now this is a part 2 and it’s ENTIRELY NSFW. IF YOU’RE NOT 18+, DO NOT READ. Hope the rest of you enjoy!💜🖤💚

Warning: Cursing, recording/pictures with sex, rough sex mentions

-  You already knew a plethora of nudes were coming when you showed Beetlejuice how to use the camera on your phone. At first it was funny. 

- You guys would be cuddling in your bed with him passed out on your chest. You’re checking some social media when something in your gut tells you to look at your photos. 

- There are at least 3-4 rows of dick pictures. You would’ve bust out laughing but you didn’t want to wake him up. 

- When you get him his own phone, you pay him back the favor. 

- But you are light years ahead of Beej when it comes to nudes. You turn nudes and teasing into a whole new art form. You’ve got filters and special effects on your side. 

- You basically steal his phone while he’s sleeping/napping. That’s the only time you can take it because every other time it’s practically glued to his hands. You’ll sneak away for a few minutes to take some pictures in a different room. Your favorite thing to do is put Snapchat stickers over the parts you know he wants to see.  

- Bro. In the morning, you’re in the shower, right? That’s when you hear a loud bang coming from outside the door. You poke your head out of the shower curtain looking like ‘wtf?’. 

- Then Beetlejuice busts through the door, practically sweating and looking like a feral dog. His hair is beaming pink like the first time you guys had sex. You get a glance at the phone in his hand and you already knew. 

- You tried to make a teasing remark but before you could open your mouth, Beetlejuice’s suit had disappeared into thin air and the phone was dropped to the floor. In two seconds flat, he was smashing your mouths together and moving his hands to grab those parts you hid in the photos. 

- “You’re such a fucking tease.” He groans. Your back is against the wall while his body blocks some of the water. He’s biting your neck heavily. 

- He’d gotten ruthless with the hickies and bruises on you since quarantine started. Since you weren’t leaving the house, there was no reason to hide the marks that showed you were his. Yeah, it was only you two in that would see them. But he loved when you walked around the house wearing a loose shirt that showed the deep red mark on your neck. 

- “Mm, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You faked innocence with a cheeky smirk. And that was it for him.

- Beej turned you so that your front was facing the wall. You were way too excited as you felt his dick press against your opening. You responded with a filthy moan as he pushed all the way in, not holding anything back as he fucked you roughly from behind. 

- It wasn’t so much a game that you two played from then on. It was more of you sending/taking sexy pictures on Beej’s phone and riling him up to the point of no return. 

- Thank God he wasn’t going anywhere. Just like your contact name, he changes his screensavers of you ALL. THE. TIME. There is never a time when his screensaver isn’t a picture of you.

- The first lock screen picture was a cute one you two took while sitting on the couch. Then one day you picked up his phone to put it on the charger. Once it was plugged in and the screen lit up, all you saw was your nipples out, clear as day. 

- The next one was that ass shot it took you damn near 10 minutes to take. You were trying to get a good angle, geez. 

- The one that really takes the cake, was the one of you bent over in front your bedroom mirror. One hand pulling and squeezing one ass cheek to show everything between your legs. Everything. 

- Then you started thinking about using his phone for videos. 

- It was just like before. Videos you took while he was asleep or distracted. Touching yourself, moaning, and everything in between. 

- That’s when Beetlejuice, unintentionally, changed everything. 

- It was one night after sex. You had just cum and Beej wasn’t far behind. He quickly pulled out of you and released himself on your stomach. Nothing new, it was pretty normal. So after you got your breathing under control, you went to grab a tissue to clean yourself up. But he stopped you. 

- “Hold on one sec, babycakes.” 

- You looked confused as he hurried to grab his phone off the bedside table. Without warning, you saw the camera flash at the mess on your stomach. 

- “B, what’re you doing?” 

- “I gotta save that for later, babes. It’s too much of a masterpiece.” 

- You could’ve come 5 more times just at the loving and lustful look on his face. But the way you felt while he was holding the camera on you, made you have the biggest epiphany ever. ...Well, more like a new kink realization.

- You never filmed yourself having sex. Your friend always talked about how they would film sometimes with their boyfriends and girlfriends. You dated in college but it was nothing ever serious. But you loved Beej. And this was something you definitely wanted to try with him. 

- Now, you finished your classes, passed everything, and now it was summer break. No more work to worry about. All your focus was on Beetlejuice. 

- You brought it up to him one day while you were watching TV. You guys’ had set up blankets and pillows all over the floor and were watching some crappy horror movie. 

- You both were laying on your stomachs, mostly talking, not really watching the movie. And you brought it up. 

- “So, B. I was thinking.” While you used one hand to comb through his green locks. 

- “A dangerous scenario.” You pushed his head gently as he laughed. 

- “Anyway. Like I was saying, remember a few nights ago when you took that picture after we finished having sex?” 

- A few strands of pink appeared in his hair and his grin was something sinister. “Ooooh I remember very well, babes.”

- “Weeelll, I was thinking that maybe we could do that again...but record ourselves throughout the whole thing.” You weren’t sure when he jumped on top of you but he was.

- “Babes, you gotta be very clear with what you're telling me right now. Because you know I’m game for everything.” His eyes have that feral glint in them again. You thought you’d be more excited than him, but apparently not. 

- “I want to record us having sex. Whatever we do, I want the camera on us.” And you gave him a long sensual kiss. 

- And boy did he give you what you wanted. 

- Almost every time you guys went at it, his phone was on you. It was safer that you used his phone. He didn’t have any other contacts or social media. So there was less chance of a video getting accidentally sent to the wrong person. 

- His phone is FLOODED with videos. This is the type of content porn sites would pay for. 

- And everything was enhanced by 10 because Beej was a demon.

- His multiple limbs would make everything more exciting. You’ve got one hand playing with your nipples. One hand tight around your neck. One arm is wrapped around your front, playing with your clit while he pounds into you. 

- And the phone is there to get it all. Either you or him was holding the phone, or you’d set it down to position perfectly. 

- Beej was never sure about which was his favorite video. They were all too good to choose a favorite. You sounded so sexy in all of them. Especially when you’re moaning his name with so much desperation, begging for more harder and faster.  

- Just like emojis, why did you teach him how to connect his phone to your bluetooth speaker? 

-Are you trying to cook dinner with some music playing in the background? Too bad. 

- You’re cutting some vegetables and suddenly you hear yourself moaning, the sound echoing and bouncing off the walls. 

- “Aah~ Beej~ Please, baby! Harder!” 

- “You want it, doll? Ugh, fuck~ You’re so tight.” 

- “Beetlejuice! Turn that down! My neighbors will hear!”

- “That’s the whole point, babes!”

- Even though he didn’t make it easy for you, you never regretted getting him that phone.

This is lowkey self-inserting because I find myself becoming more and more interested in taking sexy pictures and videos. If you’re a horny bitch like me, you probably enjoyed. Anyway, thanks for reading!💜🖤💚

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #427

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one enslaved”

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? I wouldn't say anything, I'm pretty sure I'd just break down. Do you play video games? Not really anymore. :/ I probably would, though, if I had the appropriate consoles for games I want. You can only replay PS2 games but so many times before you're tired of them. Do you spend a lot of time with family? No, honestly. Is your house more than two stories tall? It only has one floor. Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I'm not in a relationship, but I have most certainly never hit an s/o, and they've never hit me. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) I'm not. What color is your hairbrush/comb? White. What snacks do you have available in your household atm? Hm. Just some fruity grain and oats bars, as well as cashew ones. We try to keep sweets out of the house. Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? No. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Holy fuck yes, she's drop-dead gorgeous. Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? Ha, I'm sure. Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? Some random middle-aged man, like who are you sir. Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad. He can be so rude to people sometimes. When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? Not sure. It's been quite a while. Do you play any games on Facebook? No. What would you like to get a degree in? It'd be nice to get a degree in Arts, but yeah... I'm never going back to school. Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Pretty much every night. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Play a video game. Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Almost without fail. You've got to, it's part of the experience. What genre of films do you like the best? Horror. How many bank accounts do you have? None, actually. Have you ever had the flu? No, thankfully. What is your goal for the next few months? To start getting in shape/losing weight. I seriously hope this gym routine works out. Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? I have seveeeere sleep apnea. It's shocking, I never would've guessed it, though, so the diagnosis (I had a sleep study, so yes, it's legit) was an extreme surprise. I don't snore at all, nor do I like pass out in the middle of something, but I stop breathing A LOT. For a year or two (no, that is not an exaggeration), it caused consistent, horrible, and violent nightmares/terrors. It made sleep frightening to me, and I was never getting a truly restful sleep. Now, I have an APAP mask (like a less extreme version of a CPAP mask) that helps me greatly. I only very rarely am surprised by a more subtle nightmare now. Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. No, thankfully. What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Quality tattoos, for one. And maybe uhhh... idk. We're the kind of family that buys off-brand foods and drinks all the time because it's cheaper, so I can't say that. Maybe health care? Like I wouldn't want service from a sketchy dentist or something. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. Charming and romantic. Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? No. You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? That's hard for me to say. She doesn't seem to like talking about her past very much, because I know it's turbulent with her mother. I would say her being disowned, but I don't know how that *actually* affected her. Maybe it was for the better she wasn't under her mom's authority anymore. Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I guess my mom, but she's actually smaller than me now. She's lost a lot of weight and is still going at it. Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Not a house, but rather hay rides and those places you just walk through and experience different stuff. They don't scare me at all; I love 'em. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? Ugh, mopping. I don't mind dusting. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No. Did you pull a senior prank? No. That shit is so dumb. Did you graduate? High school, yes. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? No, and I never would. What was the last song you listened to? I'm listening to Lauren Babic and Halocene's cover of "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park right now. It's great. Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell no. Is fashion one of your interests? No. Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? Hell if I know. Do you care what people think? Way, way more than I should. Is acting something you enjoy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I feel so stupid. What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I tore a ligament badly in my foot maybe a year and a half ago. I was SO sure it was broken. My mom had to help me walk everywhere, and even when she did, I'd be whimpering and seething. Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? No. Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at? If we're excluding all family, I suppose Sara's? Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? Probably at some point as a kid. Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? I played a lot. The only two I really didn't like were soccer and cheerleading. Did you ever watch the show Full House? Hell yeah, I loved it as a kid. Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? Ha ha y'all know I joke about it, but no, not legitimately. It's not like I know him personally at all, and I'm not chasing him to California either. Just let me dream still lmao. Have you ever burned someone’s picture? No, but I've actually heard it's truly therapeutic and not just for dramatic effect, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing so if you handed me a picture of him and a lighter. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? I've never hiked before. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? Uh, no. Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Jason. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? My dad smokes like a chimney and is 100% going to end up with cancer because of it. You should hear his cough. Mom smoked for a very, very brief period before I was born. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Equal in our bones" is on my favorite shirt. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Certain inverts people are wild enough to get, like giant African centipedes in particular. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Can't say I care. do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Ha, no. We all have natural first impressions and things like that that just... happen. What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? Nothing, really... besides just childhood memories that inevitably came. My hometown was dangerous. What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? I'm not sure. What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? I want to say Old Yeller, but I'm not sure. What’s your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden and The Cheesecake Factory. Is there a dessert you don’t like? Yeah; I don't like pie, strawberry shortcake, and I know there're others. Favorite album? Ozzy's Black Rain. It was my introduction to metal, so there's nostalgic value there, but I also just LOVE every single song. What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? None. I don't read books for that reason. Underwater or outer space? Both kinda frighten me to a degree, but I find outer space to be way cooler. So many colorrrrrrs. Dogs or cats? Cats. Kittens or puppies? Ugh, both are so cute, but I gotta hand it to kittens. Bird watching or whale watching? Whale watching would blow me away. Whales are such magnificent, awe-inspiring animals. What is your spirit animal? Probably a deer. Skittish, shy, and quiet. What was your best subject in school? English. What was your worst subject in school? Math. What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? You and Jason aren't going to last, hunty. Who is your fashion icon? I don't have one. I wear what I want/what's comfortable. Diamonds or pearls? I think diamonds are a lot prettier. What color dress did you wear to prom? First one was maroon, last one was black. What’s your favorite plot-twist? Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. My jaw actually dropped. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes. Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Said things I shouldn't. Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes. Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Two weeks ago or something like that. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? OH MY GOD NO alskdfa;wekrwer; Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Who are you closest to? My mom. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. Are you currently sad about anything? A number of things. Have you had any form of exercise today? No, but tomorrow is day #2 at the gym! Can you handle blood? Yeah, np. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No sir=ee. Are you currently searching for a job? Not anymore, at least not actively. I was going to after TMS, but I'm just... still not ready. Right now, I'm focusing on the gym and getting healthy again, but if the seemingly perfect job comes along, I'm not opposed to taking it up. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No, I've got to have breakfast or else THEN I feel awful.

[chaoticspacefam]

I stayed up way too late to answer these, it was worth it

Questions by @pauletta-00​ *dances* here we gooo, some cautions before reading the answers: 1) will contain spoilers for much much later in the fic so don’t read the answers if ya don’t want dem spoilers. I’m gonna try and keep ‘em vague enough that they don’t give everything away, cause I gotta make ya go read it, don’t I now? 😉 2) While I follow KOTFE/ET as a loose guideline it is just that. A guideline, in a lot of places we veer waaaaayyy off the established canon because *singing to the tune of a popular song* ✨it’s my fanfic and I do what I want to ✨ so don’t any of y’all yell at me because my headcanons are different pls? ok good :D

With that out of the way, the questionsss

1. Starting with basics. Who is your Outlander (which class, what their aligment)? How did they end up being frozen in carbonite for 5 years? Why did you make them the Outlander?

(my own art because losing an eye is not a scar option in-game and it’s one of her most defining features)

Vano Saal-Shenly - Canon Sith Warrior (alignment: Light IV in game, I class her as Neutral Good) and Empire’s Wrath. She got made the Outlander because it just made the most sense, also there are some parallels between her fate/whereabouts (including the amount of time they were “missing” to each other) in KOTFE/ET and that of her wife in earlier parts of the (class) story that I very very much did on purpose 😉 She was also the Wrath, so it made the most sense for her to end up on Marr’s ship when it went boom and led into KOTFE. Pretty much follows the canon there, Vano cuts her ship loose, tells her crew + wife to gtfo of there, she and Marr are taken prisoner and she gets frozen in carbonite after the dust up in the throne room. Becomes the Alliance Commander

2. Now, to the rest of classes. What happens to them during KotFE/ET? Did they know the Outlander? Were they allies, enemies, family? Do they join the Alliance or have something else to do? Do they play a major or a minor role in the story? Spare no detail (if you wish, of course).

Aria Saal-Shenly: Human, Major role. Vano’s wife, semi-canon Jedi Consular (alignment: Grey/Dark I, Chaotic Neutral) (follows the Consular story arc grey-Dark aligned, is in fact a Sith Inquisitor playing sleeper agent). Alias “The Wrath’s Shadow” (for obvious reasons) Joined back up officially with Vano during the SoR arc, they marry sometime in the interim between Rishii and killing Revan; on the other flagship with Lana, Theron and the others when Vano’s crew returns to give them the news. Inconsolable after her wife’s disappearance and refuses to accept that she’s dead (they share a Force Bond, so Aria knows and becomes increasingly frustrated when nobody will “listen to her telling them damn it!!”), drives Lana and the others crazy by continuing to try and look for her wife and putting herself in danger in doing so. Sticks with the Alliance, of course, her wife’s the Commander XD helps Vano to manage Odessen-side things of the Alliance, specialising in helping Ni’kasi and Sana-Rae at the Force Enclave of course.

Saarai Ahaszaai: Sith Pureblood, Major role. Niece to Vowrawn and twin sister to Ni’kasi (SI). Alt Sith Warrior in-game. Light I/II, Chaotic Good, but hiding out on Rishii to escape being convicted of a serious crime and exposing her family to Vitiate/Valkorion (who would absolutely kill them if he knew) picked up by Aria and Vano during their search for Lana and Theron during that part of the storyline. Joins up with the Alliance because she and her family have a personal vendetta (tm) against Vitiate/Valkorion and she wants to stab that dude too. Eventually becomes Empress alongside Vano who  remains as the Commander (I still need to work out the details but basically it’s like...coalition government style thing and Saarai and Vano are the joint “final decision” voice mm’kay? hopefully that makes sense), with Lana, Theron and Aria to watch as Marr’s ship go boom. Has to restrain Aria when she loses her shit when they try to tell her Vano’s dead, helps Lana and the others to track Vano down and formulate the rescue plan. Stays with Aria to make sure she stays put like she was told while Lana gets Vano out of carbonite.

Ni’kasi Ahaszaai: Sith Pureblood, semi-Major role. Niece to Vowrawn and twin sister to Saarai (alt SW). Semi-canon Sith Inquisitor/Darth Occulus (follows the canon Inquisitor storyline, but is not related to Kallig, instead related to Vowrawn and lurking in hiding under Vitiate’s nose. Ends up as a “slave” when she takes the fall for her twin’s “crime” in order to protect her.), Light I/Grey, Lawful Neutral. With Saarai and the others on the ship when the big bad happens, sticks with the Alliance (and her twin) to try and track down Vano. Tries to contact Vowrawn and the other Dark Councillors etc., but can’t reach them obviously.

Merak Shenly: Mirialan, Minor role. Younger brother to Vano and friend to Aria as they briefly worked together before Aria returned to being a plant in the Jedi Order, Smuggler, Grey/True Neutral (mostly non-canon as of yet, I need to fully play through the Smuggler story and see how much of it I can graft into the fic-verse if it works or not), takes Aria’s side and works tirelessly to help them track down his sister, is likely the one to find the lead that takes them to Zakuul. Joins the Alliance and works alongside Hylo to run ammo/supplies etc. to the Alliance as they need it.

I haven’t yet played the Bounty Hunter or Trooper storylines, and my only current Imperial Agent is Aria’s mother (Light V/Lawful Good); she runs semi-canon in that she defects to the Republic, but is instead found out by the DC and Aria is sent to kill her as part of her Sith trials, so she’s dead long before KOTFE/ET happens.

I have a Jedi Knight too, but I honestly couldn’t figure out how to put him into the plot so I just left him out for now, I guess he was recruited and is probably in the background somewhere idk sjhsdyuidg

3. What about companions? Do you follow their in-game story or have headcanons for them? Did they stay with your non-Outlander characters or not? Why?

Mainly managed to plan out for the Warrior/Consular companions, haven’t thought deep enough into the Inquisitor companions yet, though I imagine at least Andronikos, Khem Val, Talos and Xalek will likely return to join the Alliance or at least ally with them somehow, because I love them ;-;

Qyzen: Stung by Aria’s betrayal and “leaves” for a while, re-recruited to the Alliance as canon/in-game and the two eventually patch up their relationship (as best they can, but are not as close as before). Tharan/Holiday, Felix, Nadia and Zenith do not return in my fic-verse. They cut ties with Aria after they find out her true loyalties are to the Empire and not the Republic.

Vette: Stays with Aria, Saarai, Ni’kasi etc. initially, eventually goes missing during their searches for Vano and loses contact with the rest of them, ends up teaming up with Gault and returning canonically/as in-game.

Quinn: is court-martialled and thrown in prison after the Quinncident. Released sometime during the five-year carbonite shebang, becomes an officer/aide to Darth Vowrawn, later joins the Alliance along with Vowrawn on Iokath. He and Vano reconcile of sorts, though she no longer considers him a friend and simply a “tactical advisor”. Quinn knows he fucked up so he doesn’t dare complain about it, or Aria will absolutely E N D him.

Jaesa: stays with Aria and co,

4. If applicable: how your characters react if the Alliance joins the opposite faction on Iokath and after that? For example: how do Sith characters feel about joining the Republic? Will they stay or leave (if it’s too spoiler-ish, then feel free to skip this)?

Aria was never truly on the Republic’s side, so she very much supports joining the Empire. Saarai and Ni’kasi originally came from the Empire so of course they’re enthusiastic. Merak is skeptical, but trusts his sister (and sister-in-law) so doesn’t protest even though the Sith do scare him, a lot.

5. If applicable: if your Commander decides to be a saboteur, would they tell anyone (PC or companions)? Why/why not?

Haven’t got this far yet to be able to plan this out, lemme get back to you when I do lol

6. How would your characters react if one of their companions is exiled or dead because of Outlander’s choices? For example: sith warrior’s reaction if Commander doesn’t save Vette?

Aria pretty much only cared about Qyzen out of her companions, he comes back fine in the end so she’s a-okay. Other than that the only person she would be deeply affected by losing again is Vano herself. She will fucking kill as many someones as she can get to before Saarai stops her if they let her wife go bye bye again.

don’t have a bounty hunter to be upset about Torian. I don’t hate him, he’s a great guy and I really enjoyed his character, but I cannot bring myself to not save Vette ;-; Vette and Vano have a sisterly-like relationship and her lock-picking etc. skills are very important to the Alliance. That Twi’lek ain’t dying on nobody’s watch hahahaha

haven’t yet had a chance to plan out anybody else’s, don’t think there are any choices in game (or that I’ve planned out in the slightly-altered fic timeline) that would affect this. May change as I get that far ahead and add or change things to fit!

7. If you have something written about anything from the above (bc I know some people do), share the links to your works (again, if you feel like it)!

The only thing I have published out on the web atm is Aria’s part of the class story, “Creeping Shadows”, which is on AO3, go give it a read if you want (rated M for mature themes like mentions of drugs & alcohol and frequent swearing etc.):

Creeping Shadows on AO3

I have pretty much all of the rest planned out, I’m just a big dummy who likes to write chronologically and as of yet cannot manage to write multiple fics at once, I will get through every part of this fic if it kills me or takes me 20 years so help me god. If you wanna hear more about my dumb children you can also DM me I could literally yell stuff about them for hours on end 😆😆

[kidchameleon92]

“life story” 1

i’m not going to edit this at all going along. typos, bad grammar, mistakes. doesn’t matter. this is spontaneous thought.

disclaimer: i changed the word to “spontaneous” from “spurious” which means something completely different, so the first paragraph is already a lie.

anyway, it’s been a really weird and sort of bad couple months for me. mostly in my state of mind. i feel very stuck and very immobile when it comes to my art and career. and that is having a very negative effect on my brain. even though i’m putting out my favorite songs i’ve ever written. i’ve been meaning to write for awhile. i used to post when i lived in los angeles several years ago, just journaling my day to day life. but i haven’t for awhile. i guess i also used to write in a notebook while on different tours. but i think i’ve since thrown that away or hidden it somewhere.

point is: i just want to write to get things off my mind. and hopefully, maybe, it’ll help you (if you care to) get to know me a little more and on a more personal level. even if we haven’t met. and maybe it’ll make what i make (if you care about it) mean more to you. either way, mostly, i just want to rant a bit. so, this is my life’s story. i guess.

chapter 1: kid

i was born in a suburb of the twin cities in minnesota. my parents both grew up in minnesota and lived there their whole lives (until my mom recently moved to tennessee). my mom was a mortician, and my dad was an accountant. also an alcoholic. he cheated on her and left her and i when i was one year old. i remember growing up going to stay with him on weekends, except it was with him and his girlfriend at the time. except he was drunk a lot. and would drive drunk with me (a baby) in the car. so, that’s cool. anyway, my mom was really depressed, and that was not a good time (or so i’ve heard, because i was a baby, so idk).

i stayed with my grandparents a lot, because my mom worked full time. my maternal grandparents lived on a ton of land. my grandpa and i would ride motorcycles and four wheelers and sleep in a treehouse and all that. my other grandparents lived in the same town but in a small house. i used to go up to their cabin during the summer and go fishing and swimming and boating and all that. different g-parent vibes, but loved both a lot.

anyway, when i was three, my mom married my step-dad. he is from india and has had a lot of unique and challenging experiences, so that certainly brought a lot of particular lessons and outlooks into my life. i went there once when i was about 14. it was wild. but so, yeah. that kinda solidified my family unit. my dad got remarried later on as well. but the older i got, i saw him less and less.

so ... i loved video games. i played them all the time. a big part of my childhood. mostly nintendo. explains a lot. as a kid in school (4 years public, 3 years private, 1 year home, 3 years private, 1 year PSEO [look it up]), i was never popular whatsoever. i always wanted to gain some sort of acclaim or attention from my classmates, but was pretty much always looked down on for one reason or another. i remember in elementary school, i was the kid who was literally terrified of storms. probably because i had been in a tornado when i was six. but the moment it would thunder, all the kids would look at me to see if i was gonna cry. usually, i did. and the school nurse would take me outside and we’d walk around as a sort of therapy. i guess it helped sorta. i still get nervous in storms. but i don’t cry.

i also remember a time specifically that i got made fun of for wearing a denver broncos t-shirt. this kid just railed on me because it wasn’t a minnesota vikings shirt. so, one: i don’t even give a fuck about sports. but two: it stuck with me for some reason that someone would be a massive jerk over a t-shirt of a sports team. i guess that’s just because we as humans are messed up things.

anyway, in middle school, i started becoming semi-interested in music. i listened to the radio every night, listening to the top 10 countdown of big songs from that week. kanye, weezer, the click five, black eyes peas, green day. those were some anyway. besides that, i was just listening to like kelly clarkson and relient k or something. my mom had a steven curtis chapman cd in her van i thought went hard. but i started getting into popular music around then. i also started to write my own music. i used to take piano lessons from when i was like six or seven until i was 14 or so. but after i started writing my own songs, i hated practicing assigned pieces. i didn’t care. i wanted to play my own. so, the teacher said if i quit, i couldn’t be her student again. so i did. that’s fine. she said i was her most talented student. but i didn’t work that hard. so, that goes to show that natural talent and hard work have different roles, i suppose. 

chapter 2: girls and high school and such

in high school, i started LiKiNg gIrLs and stuff. i also was still not very popular. i also had started a band (with jack). i wasn’t very good, but i was just as obsessed with it as i am now. anyway, i liked this one girl from my church, and we talked all the time. but because we grew up in a pretty fundamental church culture, we weren’t allowed to date. which honestly, i fine, because looking back, no one knows what they are doing at 16 really. i definitely didn’t. i still don’t know what i’m doing. anyway ...

so, this girl and i half-dated for a couple years, and i was really clingy and annoying. but that’s just how i be. and i thought i was gonna marry her and stuff, because in a fundamental church context, you over spiritualize everything.

[[disclaimer: i am a christian, and i still go to church, but my theology and ideology on a lot of things has just evolved and changed a lot since i was young and since leaving the ultra-americanized/ultra-fundamental “christian” realm. main point being: we all are effed up bro and need saving. i’m an idiot always!]]

but now we’re back. girl “dumped” me and started dating another guy named “patrick” right after, even though she technically wasn’t allowed to date until she was 18. but apparently, she just wasn’t allowed to date me. so, that was cool. anyway, i was angsty, but then i got over it. because i was 17, so life big time goes on.

then i met another girl from canada while i was finishing school and going hard at my band stuff. we hit it off, and i started visiting her up there. and she visited me and all that. it was cool. and then all of a sudden, she really started hating me. and to be fair, i was weird and clingy and sort of a lot to deal with. but we kept dating. all the while, i was sort of leaving behind music to try to get into nursing school. yep, nursing school. but i got rejected, which is great. and so, i decided to go to audio engineering school in canada. and she was gonna go to college in the same city. this is great! so i thought. she dumped me (well, i sort of broke up with myself for her) about a month after we were living in the same city. wack. but it made me buckle down and work my ass off in school. i was top of my class one semester. yeah, i’m not that dumb. sometimes.

towards the spring of the next year, i happened to meet a girl who was at my church with one of my friends. she seemed chill. just talked a little. nothing crazy. happened to hit her up on twitter just to say hi. no intention. we talked a bit. nothing after that. then all of a sudden, a couple months later, i was tweeting about reading harry potter for the first time (note: fundamental upbringing). she happened to tweet me back about it. and long story short, we went out on a date. a sort-of-date. and what was supposed to be a lunch turned into an all day and half the night date. anyway, we got married a year later. after a lot of immigration paperwork and expenses. that’s a whole other post. that sucked. it’s a lot. and it’s why i feel bad for people who have nothing who are trying to come here to flee danger in their own countries. again, another post.

chapter 3: married, and other hard things

so, i forgot to say that before we got married, i lived in los angeles for a year after school. i was doing more sound for film work. on set stuff, post-production. got to do work with like ... james franco, matt damon, emma roberts, william shatner. some cool stuff. but jack’s old band came through on tour, and i saw two shows. and i was like ... bruh. i gotta do music, what am i doing? so, i literally moved back to minnesota within like two weeks, worked as a nursing assistant for a little bit and got married. then moved to nashville like two weeks later. i guess i could’ve stayed in los angeles. but nashville felt like the move at the time. everything happens with a purpose.

so, we moved here, and she couldn’t work for three months because of immigration stuff. so, i was like, well, guess i need a job. so, i got a job managing a home for a couple people with intellectual disabilities. it was super hard. mostly because the company was really, really bad. so, i got another job working as a staffing coordinator in an office for a home health care agency. that was a little better. still tough. but less overwhelming. a couple months after i got that job, i got an offer to go on a country tour playing bass for someone. and i was like ... well, this is why i moved here. so, i quit and went on tour. and shawna actually took my old job. interesting.

i was gone for three weeks, and it sucked and the pay was bad, but at least i was doing what i wanted. but then i got an offer from my friend to do some tech work on a much bigger country gig. i hadn’t done it before, but it was better pay and a better position. and on a bus and nice things and all that. so, i went for it. i pissed the other girl i was playing for off. but that’s show biz, baby. but like, i found a replacement for myself and paid to fly him out to her shows and stuff. so, really she won.

anyway, i toured with this other artist for four years. and i learned a lot. it was very, very challenging, both mentally and physically. and some people are just hard to work with. but i still gained so much valuable experience and insight into touring from that. i also started playing guitar for another artist who was small at the time, but has now had a couple number one hits. but his label fired me because i didn’t look country enough. we’re still homies though, so it’s literally fine. because i do indeed not look country enough.

at the same time, i was doing my own solo music and also producing and writing with and for other people. i’ve had the opportunity to write and produce for everything from independent artists to major label to billboard charting albums to whatever. songs on major television networks. i’m still very un-rich though, if that tells you anything. 

but really, i just wanted to do my own music. and i literally couldn’t get it to go anywhere. i had no idea what the “secret” was. what was i missing? money? connection? power? actually probably all of that, to be honest. this industry is wacko. i was pretty close to giving up.

chapter 4: milkk

i read a satirical article on vice.com about “how to start a trendy band” or something. i thought it was funny. so, i called jack. he had just been kicked out of his old band for no reason. i was like, “bruh, let’s do this article.” and he was like, ok. so, we sort of did. and i’m not gonna go into all the early details, because i’ve done a million press interviews about how our band started. and i don’t wanna say it again. google it.

this was the first time that i actually saw people care about my music. it was a high. it was like a dream. and we hadn’t even had any big song or anything. just the fact that people were listening and engaging was mind blowing to me. but just like with anything, the more things went, the less i found satisfying. the more “likes” or “follows” on socials didn’t feel like enough anymore. the streams didn’t seem good enough. the chart positions on the debut album didn’t seem that great. the hype wore off a little after the debut album hype. and that made me insane. probably because we as humans are not built to be satisfied by the things in our life. “Vanity of vanities!” it’s in ecclesiastes. like the bible one.

chapter 5: now

anyway, that’s bad. i had (and have) let my mind convince me that i have to achieve something in order to be happy or fulfilled, when i know that that stuff will never fulfill me. i could play the biggest stadium and have the biggest song in history, but after a burst of dopamine and excitement, it would be empty. and i know that nothing here will do that. at least, that’s what i believe. my hope is outside of myself.

but that’s hard to internalize when you are so passionate about something, and have been for so long, and all you want to do is create things for other people that they can appreciate and be influenced by. but it’s probably also selfish. like i openly admit i like the idea of fame and presence. and it probably ties all the way back to wanting acknowledgement and attention as a kid, from being unpopular and ridiculed and, honestly, left by my dad. maybe i just therapied myself.

but regardless, i know i can’t put my identity in all this stuff. it’s hard, and it’s harder when you create stuff. because it’s so deeply tied to you. but it’s still not “who i am.” i know who i am and what i believe, but i’m still a mess, so i can’t enact that in my brain perfectly. in fact, far from it.

anyway. it’s late, and i’m going to post this and attempt to not worry about how it does on social media. stupid!!! i just want this out in the world for you to read. hopefully it’s helpful for you in some way. but mostly, it was just cool to write this out, for my own sake.

i’ve been blessed in some amazing ways. my family. oh, yeah i forgot that i have two kids. i love them a lot. i don’t talk about them on social media much. but they are very special to me. and we’ve always been taken care of, even when times were tight or i didn’t know when the next paycheck was coming in or i thought my wife was about to die or whatever. the Lord provided for us every time. and i am grateful to have what career i have. it may be “small” and nothing to look at by the big industry standards, but i believe in what i make so much, and i’m just grateful that anyone cares about it at all. and i will continue to do so until the day i die. because i have to. 

it’s what i was born to do, for better or worse. and no one can tell me otherwise.

[fangsmyth]

100 character development questions || no longer accepting

to save time and space imma be real and just... shove these all in one post under a read more because i got a LOT of these ( tysm!! i love talking about this piece of shit literally ask me anything any time any day of the week i’d be happy to answer )

sooo here we go!

nsfw and unsanitary mentions under the cut

@haemoneiron sent:

002. Do they do anything to celebrate their birthday?

ehhh he’ll call it a celebration, but lanque really doesn’t do much of anything different from what he normally does. he probably won’t even vocalize the fact that it’s his wriggling day, just look around to see if anyone’s already throwing a party that he can crash. if not, on alternia he probably just drank heavily in his room and played edm way too loudly.

here, he’ll probably just go to some bar and fuck somebody. so... what he does pretty much every day

016. What is their choice of weapon?

teeth! teeth! teeth! teeth! teeth! no fr if he had to pick an actual physical weapon it’d probably be a knife or a dagger, definitely something sharp and intimate...... like teeth. i say a lot that lanque isn’t a fighter but he can and will kill if he needs to

044. What disgusts them?

mainly just bad kinks! bad kinks being scat, vomit, piss, and inc*st/p*dophilia i know that’s everyone but what he considers genuinely revolting is just that specific. also people that don’t really bathe/clean themselves

---

@anglerfishnabe sent:

031. Are they superstitious about anything?

ehhh, nah i feel like lanque will see a string of bad luck as a sign that he should just go home for the rest of the day, but i don’t think it would reach much further than that. he’s definitely into people that are superstitious, and taking advantage of ‘signs from the universe’ and shlocky stuff like that, but i don’t think he really personally believes in all of that stuff. lanque is a lot of things, but spiritual is not one of them

034. What’s their view of lying?

he doesn’t see the problem in little white lies that won’t hurt anyone, especially if it gets him what he wants. ( see him HONESTLY trying to tell mspa reader he’s a virgin )

but if people lie about things that will have reaching consequences that will hurt other people, that’s just... really shitty. he does this very rarely if he’s especially desperate to get some sort of reaction out of someone, but generally speaking when he wants to hurt people and make them feel bad about themselves he points out truths based on what he gauges from observation.

---

@feraldeus sent:

013. Have they ever been bullied or teased?

yes! very much so! a lot! to the bitter end, actually! his entire cloister does have valid complaints like how he probably comes back drunk a lot of the time and has a tendency to stir the pot just to see what happens, but lynera honest to god just... hates him so much because of all the attention he garners from bronya she tended to shit talk him behind his back.

i’d imagine part of his reason behind finding it so important to be honest with how he tears someone in half is because of how much it secretly hurt him that lynera spread the occasional lie attempting to leave bronya thinking he’s beyond saving.

not only that, but i’d imagine when he was younger he probably got picked on a lot for crying and being so emotionally vulnerable and open which is why he’s so guarded now!

---

@haruakifusaishi sent:

012. What makes your character embarrassed?

openly and honestly expressing his feelings as shown in the above. generally any positive, warm feelings towards anyone are humiliating as all hell and not in the kinky way. he hates being caught being sappy or expressing romance in the sweet way he does behind closed doors.

with that, honestly if anyone that knows him for his sex drive and general hedonistic tendencies found out about his poetry readings or pretty much any of his written poetry he’d just die! that’d be the end for him!

068. How strong is your character’s sense of responsibility? What kinds of things trigger it?

lanque never feels responsibility for himself or the need to own up to his own actions at all, honestly. his entire kink is being sexy and irresponsible. he primarily feels a sense of responsibility for others’ actions significantly more than his own.

like if he witnesses someone being dishonest or just doing something generally shitty, he feels like it’s his responsibility to call them out since no one else has the balls to do it. if it looks like someone’s going to put themselves in danger, he’ll warn them. if he cares enough about them, he might go out of his way to physically drag them out of it.

it’s all in the moment things, his responsibility is never thought about or premeditated in any way!

073. In a novel, what plot role would your character fill? (hero, anti-hero, sidekick, villain, etc.)

ehhhh i wanna say anti-hero, but at the same time that could be me being inherently biased. i feel like it’d be significantly more interesting if he were a foil for any protagonist, i just seriously doubt he’d ever be the main character in anything as much as he would have the bravado of someone that wants to be?

---

@enradiant sent:

026. What do they consider ugly in others personality-wise?

lying fake bitches!!!! people that try to suck up to people just to get a leg up on others!!!!!! hypocrites!!!!!!! shitheads that aren’t at least a little self-aware!!!!!!!!!!! people that ask too many questions, fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

027. What is their idea of perfect happiness?

oh god that’s a good question can i take a raincheck i dunno, just a life without any kind of fear or anger? having a perfect soulmate that’s willing to do whatever? everything is going the right way? ultimately he feels perfect happiness is impossible and unrealistic since happiness is never constant and sustainable? uuuugh tbh it’s probably something he’d never consider because he thinks it’s so dumb and not gonna happen

059. List several phrases your character is fond of uttering. Where did they pick them up?

i only use like one of these but let’s play in the space and add some lines i should definitely be using more

“ hey, baby. ” i guarantee you he got this from some movie or game i just can’t put my finger on which one. i hear it so clearly in my head every time i type it out i just hear some chick’s voice i just can’t put my finger on who it is she’s high pitched and horny i just know it’s not catherine it’s either jessie from huniepop or one of her lines in huniecam studio i’m so fucking stupid

“ will you help me feel alive? ” or something along those lines, i feel like it was from some vampire drama on the cw can you tell that i don’t know anything this is just the single sexiest line in his fucking route i’m so angry about it my pants were already off

“ it’s one thing to not want something. it’s another to be told you can’t have it. ” i cheated this one’s from how i met your mother i’m a fucking asshole but he would totally say something in this wheelhouse either to himself or to someone he’s trying to convince

“ we’re only alive once. ” a classier way of saying yolo don’t fucking @ me

“ vampires are always in some kind of trouble. i prefer to be in it with you. ” this is a weekly reminder that i really need to watch true blood

“ i’m all yours, do whatever you want to me. ” it’s jessie huniepop again please he’s just so horny

074. What is your character’s favorite game?

would it be cheesy to say the game/art of pick-up artistry? like convincing people he’s worth their time and that they really wanna forget about their troubles if only for just one night? i feel like lanque finds a lot of fun in the thrill of the chase! he's usually extremely disappointed by how rare it is for someone to actually leave him satisfied, but the last thing he wants to do is consider something a waste of time. sometimes you gotta find the fun

076. How do they express anger?

he doesn’t, or at least not in terms of any sort of emotional projection. lanque isn’t usually someone to hide if something pissed him off. he’ll wait for someone to realize, and if they don’t and/or keep doing the thing he’ll just tell them ‘hey this was really shitty, stop it.’ 

---

@plumbacks asked:

011. How would your character court the person of their dreams?

as in how he would act in the relationship? terribly. lanque is already really bad in regular relationships and flings, but when he’ll find the one he will be an absolutely deliberate fucking mess. he’ll dig up information just to use it against them, try and express every single one of their flaws (even when they’re flaws he actually kind of likes) he will do anything to get out of that relationship.

he’ll use his poetry as a last resort, intentionally trying to come across as overly possessive and clingy (i mean he already is, but i’m talking like yuri doki doki levels. an intentional exaggeration of his clingyness to attempt to scare them off) but when they just accept it and say that it’s fine, he’d probably blow up at first!

lanque would break up with them!!! all the time!!! the worst on again off again relationship ever!!! it would take a ton of patience for someone that he really adores to get settled into the more genuine, sappy romance he really wants to have. taking them out on trips to the countryside, laughing and sharing picnics with fine wine, discussing books and even trying to write ones together

but getting to that point will take ages! it’s not worth it!!!

[dreamss-of-boston]

the art of seduction

mini-series in which i refuse to let Levi die a virgin. this is set in the time in the manga when Levi and his subordinates are watching over Zeke in the forest, so if u are not caught up that far in the manga (from chapter 107 onwards), DO NOT READ. 

Reader finds out Levi is a virgin, and decides the best course of action: seduction. 

link on AO3!

- part one -

based off the facts in this post

Warnings: mentions of sex, cursing, eventual smut (in the later chapters), reader very obviously has a crush

It had only been eight days, and already, the cadet you shared a tent with had started fooling around with one of the other boys. Kara was a fairly talented soldier, but you couldn’t fall asleep fast enough in order to be unconscious while she snuck Barris inside your tent to make out; and lately, you suspected they were making their way to going way beyond that, but you didn’t want to stick around to find out.

You didn’t blame Kara; but you wished that she and Barris could find literally anywhere else to do what they were doing. So, because your tent was off-limits most nights, you had taken to sitting by the fire with Levi while he kept an eye on Zeke. The Captain didn’t let many others take over his watch because Zeke had proven himself time and time again to be dangerous and untrustworthy, so by now, you had become regular company to Levi.

After being one of the very few to survive the battle of Shiganshina, you had a newfound sense of respect for Levi. Granted, you had always respected him, and feared him a little, but there was definitely an unmistakable bond that had been strengthened between the two of you, not to mention between you and the other few who survived. The only one you couldn’t really stand was Floch, the self-righteous ass.

You had been stationed out here for two weeks, constantly watching over the ever-irritating Zeke. Having witnessed his power against Levi’s first-hand, you had complete faith in your Captain that he would be able to keep the enemy reigned in. It was no secret how much Levi hated Zeke, and you couldn’t blame him, either. In fact, you held almost just as much disdain for him.

While you despised Zeke, you really appreciated the peace and quiet that accompanied Levi; plus, Zeke was usually asleep (or pretended to be) by the time you joined them. Levi would usually just look up at you as you came to sit by the fire, taking out your sketchbook as usual, and the night would continue in peace until you heard Barris shuffle out of your tent. Then, you would finally be able to crawl back into your cot and get some much-needed sleep.

One night, however, as you sat drawing a tree just ahead of you, Zeke was wide awake and talkative.

“What’re you drawing there?” He asked with an uncomfortably pleasant smile. You really had no interest in speaking with him; you shared a glance with Levi, who then glared back at Zeke.

“A tree.” You said, refusing to elaborate. Zeke wouldn’t let up.

“Ah, trees,” He said, sitting back. “Your people really like trees, don’t you? Best things to use to kill titans, after all.”

You rolled your eyes, once again sharing a look with Levi.

“Mind if I take a look?” Zeke made a move to sit next to you on your little log, but was halted when Levi’s hand gripped the hilt of his sword, his gaze an unwavering threat. Zeke sighed, then sat back down. “Forgive me. I just haven’t had a conversation with such a pretty girl in so long.”

Gross. You sensed he was most likely toying with you, a result of his boredom from only being allowed one book to read over and over again. If he wanted a game, he wouldn’t get one; you wouldn’t play with him, at least. Snapping your sketchbook closed, you stood and then planted yourself next to Levi, intentionally close. He tensed, and gave you the most confused and uncomfortable expression you’d ever seen. You paid his reaction no mind; the captain was usually rather jumpy around you, speaking quietly if he ever spoke to you at all.

Zeke laughed - loudly. “Relax, Levi, she doesn’t have the plague!” He slapped his thigh. “You really are unpopular with women.”

“Shut up, you bearded piece of shit.” Levi huffed, grabbing a stick to poke at the fire. He was having some trouble turning a specific log over. You re-opened your sketchbook, continuing to draw the same tree in an effort to intentionally ignore Zeke.

“Why are you out here with us, sweetheart?” Zeke asked you, leaning forward in interest as he sensed your attempts to ignore him. “You can’t possibly be interested in spending time with this sour guy.”

“My tent-mate won’t stop making out with Barris; I honestly think they’ve just thrown caution to the wind and have started fucking in that little cot.” You rolled your eyes, propping your head up with your hand as you gazed at the fire.

Levi scoffed-- a little too loudly. “Disgusting.”

“They’re young and in love, Levi-- surely you can relate.” Zeke interjected. “Oh, but perhaps not…” He scratched his chin.

You narrowed your eyes at Zeke when Levi ignored the comment; clearly, he was tired and didn’t wish to converse with Zeke in any fashion. You decided you would entertain the conversation for a while.

“I’ll agree with you, captain,” you said, pointedly excluding Zeke, “sex is disgusting; especially when it’s happening in my tent, causing me not to sleep.”

“I think sex is great.” Zeke said, leaning back with a cheeky smile. “Don’t you think it’s great?”

You just raised an eyebrow at Zeke, not at all willing to engage in conversation with him. Zeke’s glasses flashed mischievously; Levi kept prodding at the logs of the fire, visibly uncomfortable with the topic of conversation, but you didn’t notice, and Zeke was enjoying making Levi squirm.

“Hmm, I guess it’s only disgusting if it’s with the wrong person.” Zeke sighed. “If it’s with someone you don’t care about, you leave feeling gross and ashamed… but if it’s with someone you’ve been through a lot with, someone who’s understood your highs and lows, who’s seen you at your worst and helps you be your best--”

The unmistakable sound of giggles and shushing came from your tent a little ways away, and you huffed, rolling your eyes. Zeke had created a bit of tension around the fire with his words, and that was a welcome distraction.

Zeke glanced at your tent, and shrugged. “Then again, sometimes you’ve just gotta get rid of some tension.”

Levi stabbed the stick into the ground, causing you to jump at the sudden action. He was glaring daggers at Zeke, who was looking at Levi in surprise. You hadn’t noticed how incredibly tense he was; you’d never seen the Captain like this.

“Enough. I’m sick of talking about this shit.” He said in a low voice.

When you looked over to Levi, he looked painfully uncomfortable. You wondered why that was. Hadn’t he ever--?

Wait. No; it couldn’t be. Could it?

You and Zeke inadvertently shared a glance, but you quickly looked away when you saw that you both shared the same thought. You crossed your arms with a blush, wishing you could leave this situation. Somehow, you thought it would make it more awkward if you stood up and left, so you were glued to the spot.

Zeke’s lips slowly turned into a grin.

“Wait a minute…” He said slowly. “Captain Levi, the strongest of humanity’s soldier’s… are you-- a virgin?”

You had subconsciously covered your mouth with your hand by now; you were simply staring at the fire, wide-eyed with your eyebrows raised. You really didn’t want to look at the Captain, to see his reaction to what Zeke said. There was no way that could be true; could it?

Against your better judgment, you peeked at Levi out of the corner of your eye. He was staring at Zeke menacingly, his head dipped low and his hand gripping the hilt of his sword. Slowly, he unsheathed it, and stared at it absently as it was illuminated by the fire.

“I think we should all take bets to see how long it’ll take for your arms to grow back.” He said calmly. The fire flickering over his pale features only added to the terror. “What do you say, (F/N)?”

“Uhhh…” You said, refusing to remove your hand from your mouth. Zeke suddenly threw his hands up in surrender, laughing good-naturedly.

“Alright, we’ll stop! I should’ve known a clean-freak like you would hate talking about sex.” Zeke adjusted his glasses, although he couldn’t stop smiling. It was sickening.

Levi sheathed his sword, although he didn’t relax in the slightest. You gulped, staring at the Captain. A blush crept onto your cheeks the longer you gazed at him; he was so strong, so poised, and while he wasn’t the most charming with words, you found it so hard to believe he was a virgin.

He couldn’t be. Could he?

You couldn’t deny that you had always found Levi to be rather handsome; his dark hair that fell into his eyes always gave you the urge to gently brush it out of the way, and on the rare occasions that his bored gaze fell on you, you always felt a lurch in your stomach and became about as light as air whenever your name fell from his lips…

So, you had a thing for him. No big deal! But it was so hard to believe… Captain Levi? The man you considered to be the most powerful scout, a virgin?

You bit your lip as a smile crept up; you imagined how easy it would be to seduce Levi, a man who had never been touched like that before… you relished the thought of you being the one to turn him on, to see him breathless and sweating--

“What?” Levi asked you irritably, snapping you out of your fantasy. He was glaring at you, obviously more put-off than usual due to tonight’s events. While his gaze wasn’t filled with anything particularly desirable, you felt a little giddy having his attention on you.

Wow. It looked like you had needs of your own that were not being met.

“Nothing,” you said brightly, returning to your sketchbook. A bit of time passed, in which you considered the following: you were essentially quarantined from society, completely hidden away in the woods, for an indeterminate amount of time. Given the state of the world, i.e., your current situation, it wasn’t a wild thought that you might die at any moment. Zeke could transform and kill you; he might be able to create titans out of thin air to eat you; Marleyans might descend from the sky and kill you…

Given all of those possibilities, you felt that it was perfectly within reason to try and seduce Levi. You glanced at him again; he was just gazing at the fire, obviously tired but unable to fall asleep. Your heart ached for him, and all the pain you’d seen him go through. This was quite a romantically-lit scene, too: the dark of the night engulfing humanity’s strongest soldier, illuminated only by the flickering of the fire.

You propped your sketchbook up, and began to draw.

By the time you finished, Zeke was asleep-- or was pretending to be-- and Levi hadn’t spoken since he had caught you staring at him. The portrait you had drawn of the Captain was quite good, in your opinion; rather rough, but you figured it was flattering enough.

“Levi,” you whispered, detaching the paper from its bindings to hand over to the dark-haired Captain. He took the paper curiously, and after studying at it for a moment, he looked back at you with a mixture of flattery and confusion.

“Erm-- thank you.” He said, and if it wasn’t so dark, you could’ve sworn you saw him blush.

You smiled warmly, and stood up, stretching your arms up behind you. “I think Barris is gone by now. Goodnight.” You began to step over the log you had been sitting on to leave, when Levi stood to his feet in a sudden motion.

“I can-- walk you to your tent.” He said haltingly, as if he weren’t sure if it were the right thing to say or not.

You tilted your head to the side. “If you want to, I’d like that.” You gave him your softest smile, which must have caught him off-guard, because he cleared his throat, glancing back at Zeke. He called one of the other soldiers on the night watch to come watch Zeke while he escorted you to your tent. You couldn’t help the smile forming on your lips as you congratulated yourself; if there was one thing you were good at, it was the art of seduction.

When you arrived at your tent, Levi stopped a safe distance away. You turned to him, and placed a gentle hand on his upper arm. Surprisingly, he didn’t flinch away or glare at you, so you took that as a good sign that he didn’t mind you touching him.

“I’m sorry the conversation got so personal tonight.” You said, and you meant it; clearly, it had made Levi uncomfortable, and while the conversation gave you some valuable knowledge that you were now exploiting, you still didn’t like seeing your friend so unsettled.

He just scoffed. “Zeke’s as stupid as he is ugly. I’m not thinking too much about it.”

You pursed your lips; he totally was.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” You gave him a little smile, and your hand lingered on his arm. You shouldn’t…

But you did. You leaned in, and gave Levi a quick peck on the cheek. You didn’t pause to see his expression (that would break the illusion of your aloof-ness); you simply turned, and entered your tent without another word, fighting back a victorious smile.

Oh, this would be fun.

[smallblueboyscout]

REPOST DONT REBLOG

FULL NAME.   Jon Samuel Kent  NICKNAME.  Jon GENDER.   Gender neutral, but uses he/him pronouns  HEIGHT.   4 foot 6 AGE.   10. He’s never gonna age. Fuck Bendis. SPOKEN LANGUAGES.   English (fluent), Kryptonian (learning), Sign Language (learning, not great, very slow), Japanese (originally only knew bits he picked up from anime, but he took to learning the language properly)

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

HAIR COLOR.    Black EYE COLOR.   The most beautiful blue you’ve ever seen SKIN TONE.    Sun tanned, cause he gotta be gettin those rays.  BODY TYPE.   He’s a twig.  VOICE.   Soft and high. Honestly for some reason I sometimes Imagine he sounds like Simba from the lion king movie??? IDK man someone help me figure out how he sounds DOMINANT HAND.   Right hand inclined, but cause of the super brain thing, he learned how to use both POSTURE.   Tall and proper most of the time.   SCARS.   Due to his invulnerability, none . BIRTHMARKS.   None MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).  That adorable cowlick/curl thing he has going on in Jorge’s art. See below pic for a better look at it 

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 !

PLACE OF BIRTH.   A different planet than the one he ended up living on  HOMETOWN.  Hamilton SIBLINGS.   Canonly? The Kents have had several other children including Jon Lane Kent (an evil Jon), Kon (a superman clone), Chris (from what I recall he was some other Kyrptonian’s kid but Clark ended up adopting him?), and a bunch of others. But to Jon’s knowledge, he’s an only kid because DC SUCKS AND DEPRIVES US OF THE GOOD SUPERFAM CONTENT  PARENTS.   Clark Kent (Superman. Father), Lois Lane (mother)

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 ! (but not really in jon’s case!!)

OCCUPATION.   Hero in training CURRENT RESIDENCE.  Peter’s House in Golden Ward

CLOSE FRIENDS.   Damian Wayne, Lin, Harley. If I forgot someone I’m sorry.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS.   Single FINANCIAL STATUS.   His parents are reporters. He is a child with a giant appetite. His hero costume consists of a jacket he got from a hand me down store, his cape belonged to his dog, and his pants are just worn out jeans. Plus he’s ten. You do the math. DRIVER’S LICENSE.   He’s ten. He can drive a tractor tho. CRIMINAL RECORD.   I mean TECHNICALLY he’s been to a space jail before. Got solitary confinement of sorts just because of his powers being solar based. He’s also broken into Lex Luthor’s office building and disobeyed his dad before too (not to mention the fact that I think Jon may or may not have fried Manchester Black’s brain, but it was self defense), so he’s not nearly as perfect as he’d have people believe, but he has never been COMMITTED for any crime on Earth. VICES.   What even counts as a vice?

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   Nope PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE.   submissive | dominant | switch PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.   submissive | dominant | switch LIBIDO. N/A TURN ON’S.  N/A TURN OFF’S.  N/A  LOVE LANGUAGE.   No idea RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.   N/A

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.  HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.  Playing games, reading comics, daydreaming, hanging out with Damian, watching anime LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.   Right. I had to relisten to Bo Burnham’s Left Brain Right Brain to double check PHOBIAS.  Fear of the dark, fear of losing control, fear of hurting people,  SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.   It’s not as high as he wants people to believe. He doesn’t view himself as a hero, he thinks of himself as unimportant, that his dad values being Superman more than himself. He has bully problems at school when he was there, often times he wishes he could be a normal kid. He’s reckless with his life, honestly. Even when he loses his powers he’ll still throw himself between someone else and danger, for the sake of protecting them. VULNERABILITIES.   Magic, Kryptonite, his fears, his temper

tagged by :  stole from @sephirahisms

tagging : We endorse stealing in this house

[gaygwenpool]

give me literally All Headcanon for that post for Mysterio p l e a s e (also, for the one of my choosing, whether or not you hc he commentates movies while watching them or insists on ABSOLUTE SILENCE)

:D!!! my sweet boy, BLESS you nonnie! 

◉ whether or not you hc he commentates movies while watching them or insists on ABSOLUTE SILENCE IS A FANTASTIC QUESTION IVE BEEN LITERALLY LAUGHIN ABOUT IT ALL DAY THANK YOU

   Both actually! if you try to comment on the plot or react to an actor, immediately you get rudely shushed with the most scorching glare because how DARE you, focus on the ~ART~ you heathen!!! but also the Moment a slightly more advanced special effect takes place, he is all hoppin on his seat excitedly explaining how it’s done and how genius that is, how would he improve on it and how another movie dealt with it, the dialogue for the big plot reveal goin on the screen be damned :’D Also as the movie advances, he starts gettin more and more into long passionate rants either complaining about the lack/surfeit of respect the creators got, how arrogant this one actor is and how he doesnt respect his cues and so on….. lots of the stuff he says is actually pretty interesting but yeah, if you counted on just enjoying the movie, tough luck 

   He really likes watchin movies with people but prefers to see the movie first on his own at least once, to really focus on it. Often, he will watch a movie in the livin room while others do their own thing and he will comment on the good scenes, however if you agreed to actually watch somethin with him and got distracted during screening or worse, was on your phone?? you are dead to him. (and you can expect some …unpleasant surprises in the upcoming days)   

im gonna put the rest under the readmore cuz this is gettin long ^^;;

[ask meme]

☾ - sleep headcanon

Beck is the UGLIEST sleeper, he is the worst. He snores loudly, drools, moves, KICKS, mumbles and has the most vivid wildest dreams. (it happens rarely but sometimes he’ll dream about somethin, wake up and for a while be convinced it actually happened, you know like when you dream about arguing with your friend and being mad at them the next day etc) On the other hand, sometimes, all his features relax, he loses the scowl and looks surprisingly peaceful and happy… oh and he hogs the blanket.  

His sleep schedule is a fuckin mess, he is able to go like the whole week on few hours of sleep total when he is workin on a project but other days he gets grumpy if he doesnt get his 10h of beauty sleep every night.. 

★ - sad headcanon

uhhh i dont actually have much sad stuff for this boy yet, he brings me so much joy that i dont have the heart for that :’’’D (also i like him and chameleon team ups and Dmitri brings enough angst to the table for the both of them)

He really actually died that one time and went to hell (though in Patchwork, im not gonna keep everythin about that Daredevil plot, i really like Mysti being dangerous and actually a worthy opponent but most of it was too fucked up for my tastes…) and well… it wasnt great :’D  it mostly targeted his insecurities about his own talent he buried so deep he almost stopped believing them, the lack of respect and recognition and him willingly throwing away any chance he had at those by becoming Mysterio and of course everything that happened with his ex Brick Johnson…

☆ - happy headcanon

blease consider: autistic Quentin !!!!!!

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

he doesnt have a hair trigger temper like Ock or Electro but Damn does this boy holds grudges over literally everything :’D lots of overcomplicated, carefully crafted revenge plots just for eating the last yogurt in the fridge… He gets frustrated easily, getting snappy and rude, especially if people are not listening to him, but it’s often about the pettiest things, the bigger stuff doesnt affect him as much.  

He doesnt enjoy violence for the sake of violence but he is not above it either, everythin is allowed for his big performance…… he can be quite a good n friendly boss if you listen to his orders and work well but can just as much set you up to die in an explosion, all while smiling and patting you on the back… 

✿ - Sex headcanon

my Mysterio is gay as hell but also somewhere on the ace spectrum… not sex-repulsed but definitely not a high drive either (he feels oddly smug about that, like look at those fools trying to get into each others’ pants, how pathetic, *I* in the meantime have time for things that Truly matter, like recreating every Xmen battle ever with only straws and gum.) 

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

listen, i basically grew up on those “the entire villain team lives in a single place - shenanigans ensue” fics so im not givin up on the Sinister Six HQ, okay. (Chameleon usually finds them a suitable house with enough rooms, as luxurious as their current fonds allow, and he prides himself in putting in lil personal touches that he knows the sin six members would enjoy, for Quentin it’s often very obscure movies, rare memorabilia from his favorite ones, stuff for his illusions, a stolen Oscar…) 

 When these are unavailable (aka superheroes got them busted) or when he aint in the middle of a crime job, he usually stays at one of the Cham’s safehouses (with or without him) and in a few of them, he already has his own dedicated room with some of his fav old tricks on display. Speakin of which, he has a BIG warehouse with most of his setups and stages or at least models. He doesnt really plan on reusing them but he likes having them all together 

♡ - romantic headcanon

((jakjgkfajga im a loser and ended up shippin him with Chameleon and everythin i’ve thought off so far is EMBARRASSING AND CHEESY AS FUCK :’’’’D so im gonna leave those for another time))

Beck being an Extra Bitch he is, lives for the Big Romantic Gestures like in the movies and he often gets so caught up in the prep he.. kinda disregards the person he was makin it for, the making of the effect means more for him than  the actual sentiment behind it… 

(ok maybe One mysteleon hc, while it pains him, Quentin knows Chammy Would Not Enjoy being a target of such grand display… he gotta be more subtle, creating a scene where he could play in disguise and dupe some superheroes mayhaps…) 

♥ - family headcanon

like 99% of the villains and their grandma, his family wasnt great, mum left when he was very young with another guy, his dad considered his passion for movies a great waste of time and let lil Quentin know how disappointed he was at every occasion both vocally and physically.. After the first few broken models and ripped tapes with stop animations that took weeks to complete, Quentin stopped tryin to impress and convince his father about the greatness of special effects.. He joined a boxing club and learnt some other martial arts but as soon as he could, he left to join a proper film school which led to his father dropping both financing and all contact with him. 

☮ - friendship headcanon

Im not even gonna start about Chameleon’s and Mysterio’s friendship because that shit is canon and i cry about it on a daily basis. 

Despite his penchant for Dramatics, the constant Need for Validation and Backstabbing and other Throwing Shit in the Fan just cuz it was narratively better, Quentin actually has quite a few friends? He gets along quite well with everyone from the Sin Six and many other villains and even has some ‘normie’ pals from the film industry or just neighborhood… 

One of his most surprising is actually Doc Ock with whom he gets along even outside of business partners/partners in crime basis. Though maybe not so surprising, Mysterio is quite vocal with his praises when he feels like they are deserved and Doc as well actually admires and recognizes Beck’s talent while it is still enough specific for him not to feel threatened in his superiority (once he tried to improve them and show them to Quentin with his usual arrogance and flair and that was the biggest fight they ever had and they werent on speaking terms for a loooong while after that… Oct cant stand not having the last word so he still modified some of Mysterio’s tricks even after that but he actually cares about their friendship enough to not tell Mysti about it.. Not like he would ever admit that to Quentin’s fishbowl face) 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

like 99% of everythin Mysti does is Somehow related to special effects/film or the Drama in general but my boy is a nerd in general, theater, books, comics, manga, roleplaying games, you name it. He especially likes flashy stuff obviously. 

He really enjoys learning new techniques and figuring out how to make something happen. When he was younger, he was viciously against CGI but later he started to sorta respect it as its own category that needs talent and effort… he still prefers to use the traditional techniques of course :’D (…as traditional as HYPNOTIZING PEOPLE WITH NEURAL GAZ IS) 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

He has a very Complicated relationship with the film industry……. on the one hand, he loves the behind the scenes, the rush, the Action…. but on the other hand, he hates it with a fiery passion, everythin from how you get treated like dirt and the pretentious prizes being awarded just for the Big names and hollywood and everythin turning around the money an-…., he has a very long list and it is alphabetized. (While he has a point for many of those complaints, the fact HE himself never got any pretentious award remains probably the main issue…) 

he absolutely despises people making fun of D-grade shitty movies in the “this shitty horror is so cheesy and dumb it’s funny and i love it” way, either because the people workin on it were good and trying their best but the money or the producers etc ruined it (his experience) and then it’s an unfair critique or because the creators just didnt try hard enough and that’s even worse in his books and this movie should not get Any Attention much less a positive one.. 

he likes complaining and being snarky :’D he enjoys the challenge Spidey sets for them and loves playing tag with him (even when he loses..) He loves the prep before his big shows both alone or with help, the adrenalin when actually pulling it off and when he discusses it with Cham in details. He lives for the applause and recognition and ~Fame~ 

▼ - childhood headcanon

not as much as hc as adopting the Webspinners’ aproach: he spent most of his childhood daydreaming, hiding himself behind the stories and special effects….. not many friends aside from Betsy but he didnt really need them, he wanted audience not pals.. In the film school he started to be more social and communicative, he met Brick there and they started goin out… 

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

hhhhh im conflicted, there are like 3 comics where Q is retired because he has enough of superheroes beating him up and he Really doesnt want to go back to it.. I cant see him actually givin up on it totally tho… idk idk

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Like with sleep, it oscillates wildly. He can forget to eat when he is hypefocusin on a particular project (one single chip suffices as nourishment) or he just subsides on ramen for a month but on the other hand he is quite a capable cook. Nothing Extraordinary but he can make enough diverse simple meals. When livin with Chammy, they both enjoy eating out so they do that as much as the budget allows (so not that much, illusions arent cheap…) 

☼ - appearance headcanon

im still thinkin about that one post that described Quentin as a “toenail of a man” and i couldnt agree more :’D very short, pig nose, hairstyle à la Spock, stocky built and weirdly beefy, like this guy’s thigh is bigger than some heads… (for a nerd he is surprisingly strong what the fuck) 

All Mysterios are Good Mysterios but my preferred ones have a bigass ROUND fishbowl, the longest cape and somethin as a belt, preferably sash.. 

ൠ - random headcanon

he actually isnt….. that great of an actor nor director nor creator………………….. (im sorry baby i love you but it’s tru….) he unconsciously copies a lot of stuff he has seen elsewhere, he follows overused tropes, his work is packed with cliches and cheesy over the top pathos… his special effects mastery n creativity with workin out his illusions is absolutely INCREDIBLE dont get me wrong, it’s just… the plot/ideas……..  at first he lived in denial about this still believing 100% his work is Wonderful and Perfect and he is just a misunderstood author… later he decided to embrace it and he is livin the life now :D

[phoenixisstrange]

The Best Day Forever Chapter 1 (Edited)

But I am wrong. It begins with me, in a nice suburban house doing my own thing going about my day. I guess I live here? I don't know who I live with or if I live alone but I encounter neighbors and friends (I don't remember specific interactions). I don’t even know how I got this beautiful house OR what town it’s in. It’s like someone created me and my life, peppered in some aspects of my personality and memory and dropped me into it. So I wake up in my? bed. 

I wake up, make myself breakfast, and acquaint myself with my neighborhood. As if I haven’t lived here for quite some time-- judging off of the bills I have sitting on the counter waiting to be paid. I open the front door. It’s a big wooden door with a little window that has decorative iron bars encasing it. Whoever designed this house did a damn nice job. I admire my front door as if I’ve never seen it before. As I step out onto my front porch I am greeted by a symphony of wildlife and a beautiful panorama of the forest. This was an intentional design point of the house. The way the forest sits inside of the frame of my porch is so perfect that it must be deliberate. The facade of my house faces a dense forest but I do have neighbors on either side of my property. 

To the left I see a mother herding her 3 kids into her minivan, well trying at least. One of the kids is running around screaming; wearing only one flip flop on. The other kid has dropped her bookbag on the ground. The third sits strapped into the car quietly. “Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!” the mom corrals her child into the van. 

I chuckle and breathe in the crisp morning air as it mingles with the scent of my piping hot coffee. The house to the right is a bit smaller and nobody seems to be home. After I finish my coffee, I go back inside and look at my schedule. It’s my day off.

I text my girls, Iz and Cree to see what they’re up to. I guess they also live in the area. Whatever the area is. The girls arrive and we set up camp in my warmly-lit living room. A low-budget Netflix horror movie plays in the background as we sip our Rosé.

 “So how’s Carter?” I ask Iz.

 “He’s good, he’s interviewing for a job at a new dealership as a sales manager”

“Good for him, I wish him luck in all his managerial endeavors” I say with a little too much enthusiasm. 

“Phoenix---How’s your love life??” She did it. She asked the dreaded question.

“Heh, funny you should ask… You would probably have an easier time finding a human being on Mars than I would finding a lover. ” Wow, I’ve actually lost count of how many times I’ve answered that. Me? Jaded? Never. Just realistic. I have too much going on to focus on finding someone right now. That’s what I tell myself at night when the loneliness hits. 

“Unfortunately my lover either doesn’t exist or doesn’t want me.” I add. You can practically see my dignity leaving the room. 

“Sometimes you just gotta ride the wave alone...” Cree-- who appears to be catatonic on the couch-- mutters from beneath a blanket. 

“Facts” Iz and I say in unison.

We finish a bottle of wine and cook some ramen. I never eat Ramen, I can’t stand it. But Iz and Cree love it so I guess that’s why my cabinets are stacked with the stuff. Either that or I am preparing for the inevitable collapse of our organized society. In that case, I know for a fact that I won’t go hungry. There’s so many packets of chicken flavored instant noodles hiding in my cabinets that I could feed a tribe in the post apocalyptic world.

The fragrance of the salty noodles dances with the incense that burns in the living room. The sound of a woman being possessed by the devil blares from the tv speakers.

“Haven’t we watched this movie already?” Iz clearly isn’t into it. “Probably, but all Netflix horror movies are the same. They usually end up as white noise anyway.” 

“I like it.” Cree chimes in

“If Cree thinks it’s a good movie, then obviously it’s a good movie Iz.” Sarcasm. 

“Cree said Suicide Squad was her favorite movie. She cannot be trusted to judge a good movie!” 

“Everyone thought that movie was so bad but y’all just don’t appreciate good art.” Cree stands firmly by her decision.

The movie concludes with the predictable ending where the antagonist--who has succumbed to demonic possession-- is cleansed of evil through a dramatic exorcism. The entire house that the movie is set in is destroyed. This forces the traumatized family to move out of the beautiful home they recently purchased. The movie ends on a cliff-hanger where a new family moves into the very house--which has now been repaired--in hopes to start a life. Boring.

The girls leave at about 11 pm. I take a quick shower and pour myself a glass of seltzer. Nights like this are ideal for stargazing. Not a cloud in the sky and cool enough to have the windows open in the house. Apparently, I missed my mark. I open my door to a rather jarring sight. Expecting the usual chirping of the cicadas and a star speckled sky; I am met with a rising sun. The sky is not an 11 pm sky it’s a 6 am sky. I’m confused and kind of scared. My mind starts to race. How drunk did we get last night? It was just a few glasses of wine not enough to black out the entire fucking night. I text Cree and Iz. No response. I figure they’re sleeping. 

My phone says 5:47 am on Saturday, 7/23. My day off is Saturday, which would be the 23rd. Saturday was yesterday. I turn on the TV to verify the date and News 12 confirms my fear of today’s date, 7/23. The annual family cookout is being held tomorrow at the park. 4 pm sharp, don’t miss it! Did I skip work yesterday? No way, I would’ve gotten a call. My head is spinning at this point and I decide to lay down for a bit.

The sound of the news 12 anchorwoman echoes in my head. “This weekend is going to be a hot one. Anyone planning on traveling west towards the coast should take care to leave a little bit early because of heavy delays along all major highways.” 

I drift in and out of consciousness and finally give up. I’ve watched the sun rise through the skylight that is fixed above the couch. That big ball of fire has climbed straight into the center of the skylight. The big ball of fire is blinding me. The time is 8:30 according to my phone. I barely slept a wink. My mind was too busy trying to figure out if I was going batshit or if I was actually trapped in a temporal loop. I mean, that would be cool because then that would mean that time loops do exist but not cool because of the fact that I would be caught in one by myself. 

My phone buzzes to life with a message from Iz. “What are you talking about? Ladies night didn’t happen hunny.” I’m wigged. 

“Must’ve dreamt it! We need a night soon, hunnies.” I reply. 

“Ok Phoenix… This is the sitch, yesterday was Friday. You accidentally skipped work and today is Saturday. Wine night was just a dream because you have been missing Cree and Iz lately…” I am rambling to myself in the dark. Yes, that will spare my sanity. I drag myself off the couch since sleep isn’t happening. I step outside at around 9. Once again, the forest is roaring with life and so is the mother next door… 

“Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!”…. I need to leave.

I go to the store and begin piling snacks and random food items into my cart. It’s been a while since I’ve been food shopping so this is OK. 

“Ice cream and wine. Check.” I say to myself. Drink myself out of the loop. Yeah, that’ll work. I see this really cute girl staring intently at a box of Gushers. For a second, it’s as if my world isn’t imploding on itself and I’m just at the store looking at a beautiful girl I’d like to know. For some reason, she’s engrossed by these artificially flavored fruit snacks. It looks as if she’s deep in thought, something is on her mind so she is occupying the time with food shopping. She’s about my height; she’s got long and silky chocolate brown hair that’s pulled back into a messy bun. I realize that I’m staring at her with as much focus as she is at those Gushers. She feels my eyes and returns to reality, she glances at me. A subtle smirk spreads across her face as she looks me and my wine bottles up and down.

“The bigger the bottle the bigger the problem huh?” She jokes. 

“No bottle will solve this problem but at least it’ll make me forget about it.”

 She chuckles and walks away. I buy my wine bottles and go home to forget what day it is. 

Listen, I won’t lie, I like to party. I love day drinking. But cracking open a fresh bottle of wine the size of a bowling pin at 10 am by myself after realizing I may never live to see tomorrow is new for me. I can’t say I hate it. I sit on the couch. The News 12 anchor-bitch is still blabbering about the family cookout-- that is supposed to take place tomorrow-- too bad. I drunkenly type away on my laptop. Scouring the darkest corners of the internet to find out anything about time loops that exist outside of science fiction. Turns out, not many people who find themselves in my situation take to Reddit to write about it... I take notes from the Twilight Zone subreddit because at this point I’m desperate for answers. My quest for information bears no fruit. 

I did learn that a time loop is different from a causal loop, which would occur because of a previous event. My situation however, is anomalous and is unrelated to anything as far as I know. I’ve started a fresh note on my laptop titled “The Best Day Forever! :)).” This is where I dump everything I know about the situation. 

So far, I know that this loop resets but I don’t know the interval or the trigger. Things that I interact with seems to stay the same with the exception of people, they don’t remember our interactions. The coffee I made the first go around was still in the pot when I went for coffee round 2. People and things outside of my control reset as if they’re characters in a video game who have a script and a path. I begin thinking, dangerous thinking. 

“Why is this happening? Why to me?” I ask aloud as if someone is going to answer me. At this point, I wouldn’t be shocked if I got an answer from some omniscient voice. 

“What is the point of all of this?” I ask out loud again. Then I begin to think of everything I had done leading up to the moment I woke up on the morning of July 23rd the first time. My memory is extremely fogged, almost non-existent. I’m struggling to produce even the vaguest memory of anything that happened before Saturday. Was it raining yesterday? Did I even leave my house yesterday? I don't know. 

Come to think of it I don't remember much of anything before Saturday. I don’t know how I got this house. I don't know who Iz and Cree are except that we’re friends and have wine nights pretty often--though they have been less frequent for some reason. I don’t know Carter…But I do. 

It’s as if these memories were fabricated. I remember the facts. I, Phoenix, own this house in this pacific northwestern town and I am a barista at a local coffee shop. I moved to this town after graduating-- in hopes to pursue my dream of opening my own shop and building a house in the forest. Anything beyond that is smudged. I can make out the memory if I hyper-focus. But even then it’s just the blueprint of a life, details are scarce. I’m spiraling, existential crisis mode has initiated and now I’m just stressed out and drunk at 1 in the afternoon. I need air.

 I step outside and check my phone. The time is exactly 1:27 pm and a blue Subaru drives down my road with a big old husky hanging out the window living his best life. I start down the road towards the forest.

[raakxhyr]

Shyan||Fear and Puppy Love

For Anon that wanted 77: “Are you jealous?”, Anon that wantedt 2 for highschool!Shyan Basketball star!Ryan and band geek!Shane?! 2: “ Not you again.. ” and for anon who wanted 141 - "Did you hear that?"

Hope you enjoy :)

---

It was just another day of band practice before the last basketball game in the next week. Since the crowds were never as big during the basketball games as they were in the football games, Shane had volunteered for the smaller band to lend some support, as most of the band would usually drop out (out of not wanting to go, but also because there wasn’t a lot of space in the gym for the whole pep band).

He kind of missed watching the football games with the band. Though it would get chilly at night, he enjoyed every moment he spent being able to bond with all his friends and have the students in the stands cheer them all on to play louder and louder in order to boost the school morale against the rival team.

His attention was called when one of his friends, Sara, had dropped by with her flute. He slid his trumpet case back in his locker as she came over to greet him.

“Hey, Sara, what’s up?”

“Just wondering how you’re doing with that little crush of yours,” she teased, and Shane rolled his eyes, carrying his trumpet over to the small group forming in the middle of the room. Sara was the only one he had confessed his crush on school athlete and lead basketball star Ryan Bergara.

“What about it?” he retorted, setting his music on the stand in front of him while he adjusted his mouthpiece, watching Sara sit, facing the back of the chair so she could place her arms on the backrest. He sighed in annoyance, though jokingly, knowing that every time she’d mention it, his heart would jump just a little. “It’s just stupid puppy love.”

“And you’re the biggest puppy I know, Shane.” Sara laughed quietly, leaning on one of her hands while her flute hung dangerously in her other, but Shane knew she’d never drop it. She was one of the most talented flutists he knew in the class, not to mention she was first chair, which she’d worked hard to get, and now even did solos during concerts. “Have you asked him to Senior Ball?”

“What...what? No!” Shane gave her a look as if he’d never be able to do it. “There’s no way he’d go with some nerd like me.”

“You’re both literally the biggest nerds I know,” Sara groaned. “He’s probably even more of a nerd than you are, you big doof! Have you seen how many times he goes to the movie theater or spews about his favorite characters? I mean he’s a part of the video productions class, for heaven’s sake.”

“Yes and yes, I do, and don’t take his love for the big screen and spin it on me like that; you know I watch just as much as he does!”

“I know. Trust me.” Sara stuck her tongue out. “Come on, it wouldn’t hurt to ask him. You guys are almost inseparable. You literally talk and hang out most of the week, anyway.”

“We do not!”

“I’ve seen you talk to him after games and after his practices, Shane.” Sara raised an eyebrow and had a smug smile on her face. “I’ll even help you ask him. Come on.”

Shane thought about it for a moment, and decided this would probably be one of the last years he’d see Ryan anyway. “Alright, fine…”

“Yes!” Sara pumped her fist up in victory and grinned. “You better ask by next game.”

Shane sighed and shook his head, his mind racing over what he would do and how he would do it. Thinking about approaching a sweaty Ryan after a game was not the image he wanted in his head as one of his fellow seniors got up on the small, square podium to conduct them through the music.

---

Shane spent quite a bit of time with Sara outside of band to have her help him work up his confidence to ask Ryan out and to help him with outfits. Every time he spotted Ryan outside of class, though, he found him talking to one of the popular art and drama kids at the time, Helen Pan. He didn’t want to interrupt their conversation, though he knew she’d just moved into the high school and Ryan was one of the friendliest people to introduce her around campus, and found Ryan spent more time talking to her during class instead of Shane. He didn’t want to admit, even in the slightest, that this worried him more about asking Ryan out, but he could certainly feel the butterflies in his stomach.

When he wasn’t talking with Sara, he was practicing by himself. He’d spend time reviewing some flash cards he made, looking up and away, to test his memory. Sometimes, he’d find himself muttering as he walked from class to class, zoning out as he walked past others, and made it to his desk.

And when he wasn’t practicing by himself, he was talking to Ryan. He was his best friend after all.

After the day was over, he spent his night at Ryan’s house, listening to him blabber on about this supernatural experience he had just a while back with some of his video productions friends.

“What? No way, I don’t believe you at all.” Shane crossed his arms, shaking his head. “Show me the footage.”

“It seriously did happen.” Ryan groaned and went through his files on his already open laptop, going through different video folders before he found it. “Look, see, right there.”

“No, did you see how hard you hit the freaking surface?”

“But the shaking shouldn’t have caused it to fly up like that.”

“It was already almost off the edge.”

They bickered on for a few moments until Ryan gave up and Shane felt victorious, stealing a handful of popcorn from what remained in Ryan’s popcorn bowl, and his friend gave him a disbelieving look.

“How dare you touch my popcorn.”

“Uh, our popcorn. We were sharing for tonight’s movie night, remember?”

“Technically it’s my popcorn since I bought it.”

“With what money?”

“I have an allowance.”

“Oh, look at me, Ryan Bergara, so special that I have an allowance because I can’t work a job.”

“Hey, I’m working on video stuff. Just watch, I’m gonna be in some high standard production company and you’re gonna kiss my ass.”

Shane laughed. “No, I believe ya, bud. I know that nothing stops the Ryan Bergara from achieving what he wants to.” He smiled and lay back into the couch as the movie began, and their chatter didn’t stop there, as the occasional pause and talk would come up between the movie so they could critique or judge a point in the film that felt like a loophole or if it wasn’t connecting.

Despite their being comfortable sitting beside each other, Shane’s head went back to the little proposal he had for Ryan that would be coming up in a few days. He tensed, curling his fingers and pulling his hand away from the popcorn bowl where Ryan’s hand lay idly close. He could feel his heart race, and he was no longer paying attention to the plot of the film. He could ask him now, get it over with, pretend nothing happened while the game was going on, and never look back. He could also avoid feeling embarrassed and just continue on watching the film, waiting till the game so he could feel more prepared.

He turned his attention when he could feel eyes staring at him, but when he looked at Ryan, his friend’s eyes were focused on the screen. Though, his hand had left the bowl between them.

Shane quietly excused himself as the credits came on, mostly so he could wash his hands of popcorn grease, and also so he could calm himself down with a quick piss and a splash of cold water. He stared at himself in the mirror after he dried his face and took a deep breath, muttering quietly to himself while his stomach flipped again, and he scratched his head roughly, trying to hit himself out of it.

He left the bathroom after a few minutes, and Ryan asked if he was okay, to which he nodded and helped him clean up the living room.

It was already 1am, and they both had one more day of school till the game. Shane grabbed his jacket, made sure his phone and wallet were with him, then smiled at Ryan as he headed for the door.

“Wait,” Ryan quickly spoke up, watching Shane before he left his doorway. A cold, gentle breeze blew around them. “So, Senior Ball is uh...coming up.” Shane’s eyes grew wide, but he tried to cover his shock at the words he was hearing. His heart racing; Shane tried to hide his face from the light on Ryan’s porch.

“Yeah, it is.”

“I was wondering if you could help me.”

“With what?”

“Well, I see you always talking with Sara, and she seems to be helping you get ready for that big event. I mean, I don’t know if like, you know, like, if she’s gonna go with you or something, and I don’t mean, like, together, as a couple, I mean, like...uh…” Ryan’s hands were growing clammy and he stuck them in the pockets of his shorts. “I just, uh, I wanted to know if, maybe, you could help me ask someone out?”

“Ask….?” Shane could feel his heart sink, and his stomach began to twist so much from feeling so nervous, he thought he was gonna throw up.

“Yeah, there’s this person I’ve been meaning to ask out to Senior Ball, but I just don’t know if they want to go. I’m kind of scared to ask, and you’re the only person I’ve told this to. I mean, I look like I could do anything, right? But, what if they say no?”

“Dude, you’re a great person. I don’t know who wouldn’t say no to Ryan Bergara.” Shane forced a smile on his face. He was being honest, but he tried to hide his hurting.

“You really think so?” Ryan seemed so happy, a bright smile on his face, looking at Shane with bright hope.

“Yeah. Look, man, I’ll talk to you later. I gotta go.”

“Oh, yeah...alright! Later!”

Shane nodded and quickly hurried back to his car, taking a deep breath to calm himself once he was buckled in, and focused on his drive home. He felt empty, now, staring at the road and the streetlights brushing over him with a soft, quiet glow. His heart was pounding. He could hear it in his ears.

Fuck, he thought.

---

The Friday before the game, Shane wanted to avoid Ryan as much as possible. He didn’t want to confront him or his feelings and he seemed too sullen that day, he didn’t want Ryan asking questions. In the morning, he caught Ryan walking down the hallways closely beside Helen, laughing and bickering. He could see himself standing there doing the same thing, but Ryan was probably tired of his shit, too.

During lunch, he spent his time inside the library instead of out at the lunch tables. He could only imagine Ryan walking up to Helen after the game and asking her to Senior Ball. He tried to black it out of his mind, holding his face in his hands, running his fingers through his hair as he gripped it tight, shutting his eyes as if it would erase it all. The thoughts never left.

After school was over, there was one more practice, and for a moment, he thought he could forget everything. He was talking happily with some of his other bandmates, blasting his trumpet loudly as they tried to harmonize to Darude Sandstorm.

Then Sara came up to him and asked if he was ready to talk to Ryan the following day, and he could feel himself shut down again.

“Hey, Shane? You okay?” Sara’s face grew concerned, and she sat sideways in her chair, resting her elbow on the backrest gently. “Did something happen between you two?”

“No, I…” Shane felt himself burn, all his clothes now pricking at his skin, and he rubbed his eyes. “Ryan told me he was going to ask someone to Senior Ball and he asked me for advice…”

“Oh…” Sara smiled sympathetically, reaching out to pat his knee. “Hey, I mean...you could still come with me, if you want? Some of my friends had managed to talk me into going, so…”

Shane exhaled heavily, grunting as he forced himself to stop feeling these sickening emotions. “Yeah, sure...your friends are pretty cool, anyway. We could all just stand in the corner and dance like idiots.”

“That’s the spirit!” Sara laughed quietly and sighed. “Hey, don’t worry about tomorrow, okay?”

Shane simply nodded in reply, beginning to slip into an empty mood, and though he was playing his trumpet, didn’t feel as if he was putting energy into it, but no one said anything.

After the practice, he’d packed his trumpet away, and followed Sara out of the building just as he saw Ryan coming down the way as well, smiling at him. Shane spotted a white card in his hand, along with a pen, and he knew Ryan would ask him for help again on asking whoever it was out to Senior Ball. He didn’t know what to say, not that he wanted to say anything at all, and Sara quickly covered for him, saying they would be late to a quick shopping trip if they didn’t hurry, and Ryan let them go. Shane caught the frown on his friend’s face, and tried to ignore it.

---

Game night had arrived. Shane was settled on the second row on the bleachers, as was their arrangement for their small band. Sara sat in front of him, setting up her flute. The rest of the band was seated around him, and he made sure his trumpet was tuned while the two teams on the court warmed-up. He spotted Ryan, and for a moment they looked at each other. Despite the tension that Shane had managed to build, Ryan smiled through it all. There was never a dull time that truly seemed to bring him down, and Shane could feel himself smile back for a second. As Ryan made for another pass with the ball, their contact broke, and he looked down at his lap with conflicted feelings again.

His eyes scanned along the crowd that filled the seats. Though he wasn’t sure what he was looking for at first, he found out soon enough, and he saw Helen sitting down in a middle section of the bleachers close to the front. He turned away when they briefly met eyes, and he fumbled to get his trumpet ready as the players returned to line up when the buzzer went off to signal the end of warm-ups.

The games began and so did the music. The crowd cheering and the intensity of the game had Shane forgetting his pains and he was swept up into the fun and energy that came from the competition. He stood with the crowd when their team grabbed the final shot into the basket. He was overjoyed when he saw it was Ryan who had scored it last second, and he hollered, pointing out it was his best friend who had just won the match, and Ryan could be seen grinning back at him with thumbs up, heading back to meet his gathered team for a celebration.

Shane made sure he let the last notes ring out from his trumpet as they played their victory song, and he high-fived his friends before looking at Sara with a bright smile.

“Ready to head back to the room?” she asked, and Shane nodded, grabbing his stuff to put back into the room. The moon had already pushed the sun down the horizon, and the night sky provided him with a cool breeze to calm him down from the rush of the game. He stared up at the sky, bright stars twinkling, a half moon sitting quietly with a few clouds passing through its light.

He returned to the room with Sara, making sure his trumpet was cleaned and packed properly into its case before it was slipped back into its rightful locker, and Sara followed him out of the room.

“You gonna be alright?” she inquired, looking up at him as they made their way down the hall and back towards the gym since the parking lot was in that direction.

“Yeah...you know, I’m gonna go congratulate Ryan real fast. He’s still my best friend, and I don’t want to let him down.”

“Of course. I’ll come with you in case he decides to start some shit.”

Shane laughed and he made his way back towards the gym where people were clearing out, and he waited for the crowd to thin until he could walk inside and found the team cooling down. He approached one of the guys and asked where Ryan was, directed towards the other end of the court. He scanned his eyes over, delighted when he saw Ryan, and he was about to make his way over until Helen showed up, and she approached Ryan with a full hug. Ryan hugged her right back, a wide grin on his face, and he seemed to be having a lot of fun talking with her. Shane stopped dead in his tracks and continued to watch.

Ryan looked around for a second, reaching into his drawstring bag where he pulled out the same white card that Shane had seen him hold the day before. Helen beamed and nodded taking the card to read it, and she hugged Ryan joyfully, sliding it back to him as she seemed to bounce on her feet. Shane’s eyebrows had knitted into a scowl, and Sara had pulled on his shirt to move him. That was until he saw Helen and Ryan turn almost in sync, and Helen point in his direction. He was most utterly confused at this point, and he now had his face stuck in stupor, watching them both walk towards him.

“God, not you again,” Ryan teased, approaching Shane.

“What?”

“Everyone, look out, it’s Shane Madej and his stupid face.” Ryan laughed. “Uh, hey, can we talk?”

“Sure...what about?”

“I’ll tell you as we walk away. Remember the Senior Ball thing?” Ryan paused and looked at Helen. “Oh, hey, you don’t mind keeping Sara company, right?” She shook her head and smiled, waving her hand to move them along.

Shane could feel himself grow hot again, and he could barely spare a glance at Sara as he was dragged out of the gym, and Ryan brought him to one of the sidewalk lamps outside.

“Shane, look, I don’t know what’s been going on with you avoiding me lately, but before I keep going, I just need to know what’s up ‘cause I don’t want to think I’ve done something wrong to affect our friendship.”

“What? No, no, no...you didn’t do anything wrong.” Shane clenched his jaw, and he could feel his entire body tense, heart beginning to race again. What was he supposed to tell him?

“Listen, I’ve noticed that for, like, the past week you’ve been looking at me weird, especially when I’m with Helen. Like you’re angry, or something?” Ryan’s eyes widened as he continued to ramble. “Wait, are you jealous?”

“Jealous? Don’t be absurd! Why would I be jealous of you asking Helen to Senior Ball! You guys are perfect together! I mean she seemed happy when you handed her the card,” Shane blurted out, his cheeks turning red even under the bad light.

“Oh my god, you’re totally jealous, Shane!” Ryan laughed, and Shane thought that, for a second, he was being mocked, and suddenly felt like he wanted to run away. “Did you hear that?” Ryan asked.

“Hear what?” Shane replied in equal question, not sure what Ryan meant. As far as he knew, they were alone outside together. If there was a rustle from the bushes, he didn’t hear a thing. “There’s nothing with us.”

“No, listen closer.”

Shane held his breath for a moment and he looked around, before looking back at Ryan with a raised eyebrow, wanting to leave already. “I don’t get it.”

“That was the sound of you being an idiot, Shane.”

“What do you mean?”

Ryan pulled out the white card and handed it to him. “It was for you, dingus.” Now it was Ryan’s turn to flush a little red. “Open it.”

Shane gave him and the card a skeptical glance before opening it to read the contents. A long paragraph had taken up the first half of the card, and it was a brief summary of him and Ryan throughout their friendship. On the right, a dumb little doodle from Ryan with the message, “I know you don’t believe in ghosts, but will you be my boo for Senior Ball?”

Shane squinted at the card, his mouth hanging open, and he could again hear his heart pounding in his ears. Ryan was chewing on his lip, waiting in anticipation, unsure how to read Shane’s face.

“I, uh...um, well, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I’ll…” Shane laughed and handed Ryan back the card, unable to hold back the smile that wanted to curl onto his face. “Yes. Yeah, yeah I will.”

Ryan grinned and suddenly stood on his toes, his hands shooting out to grab the back of Shane’s neck to pull him down for a quick, messy kiss, and Shane thought his chest would break open or he’d at least faint from how hard his heart was pumping. He couldn’t have imagined more what Ryan’s lips felt like against his own, and he gratefully kissed back until they both couldn’t breath and were laughing from it all.

“For the record, I guess I could say I was maybe jealous,” Shane admitted, and Ryan punched him in the arm a little, laughing.

“Yeah, I know. Ya big baby.”

“Oh shut up. You’re the short one which means you’re the baby.”

“I’m literally 5’10”!”

“No.”

“Okay, fine, there’s like three quarters but-”

“You’re the baby.”

“Shut up, Shane.”

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 6

We get some more hints about Dex’s and Andi’s past together.

Their last meeting hadn’t exactly gone over well, what with the whole, Andi soaring away with Dex’s ship, leaving him bleeding and dying on a fire moon thing.

Who edited this?

Update: Someone finally did, it seems, because this has been updated to:

Their last moments together hadn’t exactly gone well, what with the whole “Andi soaring away with Dex’ s ship, leaving him bleeding and dying on a barren moon” thing.

So uh. Better, I guess.

As with any shitty book with a STRONK FEMAIL CHARAKTOR, we must -- MUST -- wank on about how fucking amazing and hot she is, because she can’t just be brutal and off-putting and human, she has to be HOT while she’s doing physically exhausting shit that can both get bloody and sweaty, so let’s take a look at this garbage, shall we?

Godstars, she was magnificent, a creature that deserved to release her wrath on the world. It would be worth every drop of blood about to be shed to bring her to Cyprian’s feet.

So she’s so cool that ... she deserves to murder people, just because how cool she is? And capturing her is totes worth letting people get murdered?

I would maybe understand it if she was a massive threat to all intergalactic civilization and that throwing armies at her is the smaller price to pay, but she’s just one schmuck who does petty smuggling and escort jobs. Or does Dex just want his ex back and he’s ready to let people die for it? Because these are just space cops she’s killing and he’s ready to sacrifice, they’re just dudes doing their jobs.

What the fuck am I reading.

Update: This has been changed to:

Godstars, she was magnificent; a creature who had released her wrath on the world. It would be worth every drop of blood about to be shed to be the one who finally brought her to the general’s feet.

Oh, so now she already has released her wrath on the world, regardless of whether or not she deserved to? 

So Dex is happy to let other people die for him just so he can brag about capturing his ex? 

I’m glad we cleared that up. What a guy.

He hadn’t seen her in years, but he’d heard the rumors. He hadn’t truly known if she truly could wield those weapons with the a glory and grace that drew blood and split bones.

Why was he even questioning this? He’s been bragging about how he’s trained her and taught her everything she knows, and now he’s wondering if she could wield her own weapons?

Is Dex an idiot?

*looks at art* Forget I asked.

Gone was the girl young woman he’d once known, that shivering thing he’d found bruised and broken in the wilderness of Adhira in the markets of Uulveca.

In her place stood the warrior he’d trained and hardened and turned into something devilishly delicious.

He Dex reached for his gun as the Bloody Baroness attacked.

Devilishly. Delicious.

Shinsay. “Bloody Baroness” isn’t intimidating, alright? It’s not scary. Please stop this nonsense.

Andi and Dex have themselves a fight. Well, Andi kills a buncha dudes (+10 points to Gryffindor, Sasha managed to do what her hero SJM couldn’t, and that’s having her killer character actually kill someone on-screen) and Dex just kinda stands around in the background thinking about how hot she is.

We get a pointless POV switch.

The world slowed, but Andi moved like a flash of light.

Uh-huh.

“Take out her crew!” Dex shouted. “I want her alive.” 

“Take them out!” Dex shouted. “Save Androma for me.”

His words sent a spike of rage straight to through Andi’s heart.

Spike of rage.

A ball of white light shot past Andi’s shoulder. An enemy was blasted backward, already a corpse as he slammed into the door frame.

“Oh, that was a good shot,” Gilly said, giggling and brandishing her double-trigger gun.

Weren’t you just weeping and losing your shit four seconds ago?

I’m loving this mood dissonance. 

“I want the floor stained with their blood!” Andi yelled to her crew above the chaos.

This book is sending a blade of edge into my heart, I’ll tell ya that.

Update: If any of you were wondering where this comes from, this sequence has been updated to include Breck and her BULLETPROOF SKIN. The girls hide behind her and there’s emphasis on how USELESS the bullets are, because apparently these Patrolmen not only have Stormtrooper aim, they also haven’t heard of the concept of surrounding their target or moving a little bit to the side to get an angle on it. Or maybe Breck also has the ability to expand her physical form and encase her crewmates like a living hamster ball. 

Hey Shinsay. This doesn’t in any way justify your characters using swords and fists and whips in a fight. If anything, it just draws more attention to how fiking stupid it is. 

If you’re wondering how the fuck Andi survives this fight without being blown to bits while using katanas against dudes with guns, here’s where I admit and brag about the fact that I totally predicted that she’d deflect or slice through bullets, which yes, she actually does that.

Andi lashed out as a Patrolman shot at her, her sword barely cutting through the bullet before it could hammer itself into her throat.

You know, you’d think that Sasha, who supposedly reads a lot, would be aware of dumb shit like this and know not to do it, but alas.

This might work in anime or video games, but try to avoid this kind of garbage nonsense when you’re writing, because it’s so dumb that it takes the reader out of the experience. Unless you’re writing a comedy, just ... if you have someone slice through bullets, please reconsider.

Usually I’m not one to tell people not to do something, especially when it comes to writing, but sometimes you just gotta take a step back and look at the sins of humanity.

Also ... and I don’t know shit about physics, but if Andi has enough strength to cut through a fired bullet and her sword withstands this process without breaking, and the bullet clearly isn’t deflected but cut through, meaning its momentum is still carrying it forward and the impact of the sword didn’t slow it down, Andi just made two fucking bullets, or one bullet with its butt cut off.

She didn’t even deflect the thing.

She should be dead.

Oh my god.

Update: She now deflects the bullets with the cuffs on her wrists that “protect” her burned skin. So that’s why they were written in! This smells very much of Wonder Woman but it’s better than SLICING BULLETS IN HALF.

Seriously, Shinsay, did you read my snark? You’ve edited out all the best bits that I’ve complained about while leaving the bland and boring garbage intact. Why didn’t you hire ME as your editor? I could’ve made this GOOD. Or at least passable. But I’d charge you more than you could afford, because I’d have to rewrite the whole book for you.

“What’ s wrong, Dex? You don’t want to come out and play with me?” Andi said, her voice a dangerous purr.

Dex chuckled, his mahogany hair falling across one brown eye as he stepped forth to meet her gaze. “You were always one for theatrics, Androma. My little bitter ballerina.”

Dex’s hair color has been changed from “midnight” to “mahogany”. What, did SJM call you and told you to tone down the Rhys if you wanted her to pretend to like your book in public?

Also, bitter ballerina? Really? Who the fuck talks like this?

“These three can live,” she said, nodding her head at the final Patrolmen. “It’s you I want a fight with, Dextro.”

Yes, his name is actually Dextro. At least the book admits it’s fucking silly.

With a crackle of her swords, she lunged forward and cut off three heads in one scissoring slice.

#edgy

Still better than Sardines tho. Andi actually DOES SHIT.

Zenith is officially better than Throne of Glass.

After a bunch of nonsense fighting that I can’t even be assed to keep track of, Andi walks into Dex’s trap. His trap is basically even more dudes with guns, except this time Andi can’t fight them, for some reason, despite doing it just now, no problem.

Plot!

Update: Breck isn’t there anymore, so I guess it makes slightly more sense this time.

Dex notices the cuffs on Andi’s wrists, just so he can give the reader some info about them, I spose:

They were unbreakable, just like her swords. But the cuffs weren’t just an accessory. They held together the burned flesh on her wrists from an accident long ago. She didn’t have the privilege of seeing a doctor at the time, so her skin had become damaged beyond repair.

Without Dex’ s gift, she wouldn’t have the full function of her wrists and forearms—likely wouldn’t have the strength to lift those swords she was so fond of.

It gave him a sick kind of pleasure to know she still had the cuffs, a reminder of his kindness to her when she was at her weakest. A part of him she could never shed from herself.

So you’re telling me that ... Not only are her wounds still open under those cuffs, but that installing those cuffs was somehow faster and less expensive than finding a doctor who could patch them up for you? 

Or that they “healed,” and then, instead of paying for surgery, Dex paid for some GLASS CUFFS to slap on the wounds instead? 

And that Andi, during all this time and after presumably getting some money, hasn’t had her fucked-up wrists fixed, and instead keeps these cuffs on her still-fucked wrists even as they remind her of Dex Dogtective?

The wording implies that she physically cannot remove those cuffs without reopening the wounds.

Why did she have ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS METAL PLATES ON HER CHEEKS INSTALLED, WHEN SHE HAS AN ACTUAL WOUND THAT SEEMS A BIT MORE URGENT? Wouldn’t fixing a burn be cheaper in this hyper-tech world than grafting fucking metal into your flesh?

WHY ISN’T SHE IN IMMENSE PAIN AT ALL TIMES WITH THOSE GLASS CUFFS ON HER BURN WOUNDS. HOW FUCKING BADLY WERE HER WRISTS DAMAGED IF SHE CAN STILL BREAK PEOPLE’S NECKS AND WIELD HER SWORDS NO PROBLEM?!

HOW EXACTLY ARE THOSE GLASS CUFFS ATTACHED THAT THEY SOMEHOW HOLD HER SKIN TOGETHER BUT ALSO ALLOW HER WRISTS FULL MOBILITY?!

AHFSJFHGDKFJHGDSKFJHGSDKJFHGDSKJHF

“If they move, my guards will shoot.” Dex waved a hand, and half the men angled their light rifles upwards, where toward Andi’s motionless crew stood motionless.

The blue-skinned pilot from Adhira, the giantess beside her. And that psychopathic red-headed child, glaring down at Dex with the cold calculation of a seasoned killer.

Dex just waves a hand. Not his own hand, just a random hand he found on the floor.

I just remembered that their crew is literally just four people and I’m so tired.

Dex Dogtective takes Andi to some room on the Marauder to talk to somebody.

Cold calculation flashed in [Andi’s] eyes.

Oh, just like the cold calculation in Gilly’s eyes barely half a page ago?

Who edited this?

Update: "Cold calculation” has been changed to “disgust.”

Also, this is in reaction to Dex telling Andi to sit. When she refuses, he’s super impressed.

Instead, she stood with her back up against the wall, her gray eyes roving left and right.

Dex had taught her well.

Did you teach her not to sit on command, like the opposite of a dog trick?

I would not expect anything less from Dex Dogtective. 

For the first time today, despite everything Dex had thrown at her, she actually looked stricken. Shocked. Pained.

“Hello, Androma,” the man on the screen said. “I’ve been searching for you a very, very long time.”

The drama!

[ragehappysecretsanta]

The Not-So-Easy Road to Parenthood

Author: http://boulevard-of-broken-yeets.tumblr.com

Recipient: http://canadiantardis.tumblr.com

Summary: Being in a six-way polyamorous relationship has its ups and downs, and who knew that adopting a kid would be the bumpiest ride of them all?

Warnings: n/a

WordCount: 3,402

“I’m just saying, maybe we should think about this more?” Jack asked one of her partners, “I mean, we had to pull teeth just to get married. Should we go straight into getting a kid so soon?”

“Jack, I know you mean well, but shut the hell up,” Geoff chuckled, slicing a cucumber and putting it in a pot. “We all agreed that we wanted to adopt a kid. You don’t have to worry, we’ll figure it all out.”

“I just worry, Geoff. What with our... pasts...” She trailed off.

“Hey, we left Los Santos years ago. We’re in an entirely different country; no one from our past is going to come for us. We’re safe.”

“I don’t know, Geoff. There’s just a lot of uncertainty.”

“I swear on my life that things will work out. Have I ever led you astray before?”

“How long do you want to sit here?” Jack joked. Geoff turned and playfully glared at her.

“Watch it, Pattillo. I used to be the leader of the strongest crew in Los Santos.” He smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes back at him.

“And it was me who saved your ass on many occasions.”

“Really? I don’t recall.”

“Do you need me to make a list? I don’t think there’s enough paper in the world for that.”

“Shut up and help me peel these potatoes.”

Jack laughed and walked over to her husband, helping him with dinner.

It had been 5 years since they lived as the Fake AH Crew, 5 years since they faked their own deaths and moved to France. Jack, Geoff, Ryan, Michael, Jeremy, and Gavin all managed to fall in love during their time together, and they wanted out of the gang life so that they could live long, happy lives with each other. Geoff spent years using his connections to get them all legally married, and now they were moving on to the next step: adopting a kid.

“When are Ryan and the lads getting back from the store?” Geoff asked just as the door to their cottage opened. The four men came inside, holding an ungodly amount of bags.

“Sorry we’re late, Jeremy here got sidetracked at a pet store, and We had to stop him from adopting two of the cats.” Ryan chuckled.

“They were so cute! Can you blame me?”

“You know Gav’s allergic to cats, Jer. Wouldn’t have worked out.” Jack laughed, rushing over and grabbing some of the bags and helping to put things away.

“As soon as I find a good sphinx cat, that shit is mine. I’m getting a god damn cat, especially since we’re getting a kid. They gotta have something to play with.”

“Did we decide if we were going to adopt locally or go back to the states?” Michael asked.

“Actually,” Geoff started, “I was thinking that we could go adopt a kid from Los Santos.”

Everyone stared at him in silence, all with varying expressions on their faces. It was Jack who spoke up first.

“Geoff, adopting from Los Santos may be the most dangerous thing we could possibly do. According to almost anyone there, we’re dead.”

“Exactly, which is why we won’t be going as ourselves.” Geoff explained. “I’ve pulled some strings at the orphanage in Los Santos, and we’ll be able to safely go and get our new little one. They don’t know it’s actually us, but I... requested that this be on the down low. Money buys a lot of things, you know.”

“So, we’ll be disguised?” Gavin asked. Geoff nodded.

“Disguised in every sense of the word, other than physically. We won’t be there for more than two days; I figured that would be enough time to find a kid. We’re booked at a hotel about an hour from the city, so don’t worry about that.”

“So when are we leaving?” Jeremy asked.

“Tomorrow morning.”

—

“I have a horrible feeling about this, honey.” Jack muttered into Geoff’s ear as they all piled into a rental car.

“Relax, Jackie. It’s going to be fine. You know where the orphanage is, Haywood?”

“Yep, should be there in about 15 minutes.” Ryan responded. Geoff nodded and grabbed Jacks hand.

“I know you’re worried for our safety, Jack, and I understand. But please know that I took every precaution known to man to ensure that we all leave safely with our new son or daughter. Nothing is going to happen.”

They all sat in silence the rest of the way, all of them praying to every deity known to mankind that Geoff didn’t just jinx them. As they pulled up to the orphanage, Jack immediately recognized the area and harshly slapped Geoff on the arm.

“Geoff! This is like 2 blocks from the penthouse!” She cried out. Jeremy, Michael, Gavin, and Ryan all looked around in alarm. It was true; they could see their old home from where they were parked.

“Listen, it’s fine. Nothing is going to go wrong. Now, let’s all quickly but calmly walk into the orphanage and get our new kid, and then we’re getting the fuck out of here.”

They all did as Geoff said, and rushed into the orphanage. They were decently shocked at who they saw when they walked in.

“Mica?!” Jack yelped, rushing up and giving her a hug.

“Holy shit, you’re back! You’re actually back!” Mica said excitedly, returning the hug.

“Just for a few days at most, Mica.” Geoff clarified. “Also, why do you work at an orphanage?”

“Hey, we gotta make a living somehow since you guys ‘died’.” She stated, putting quotation marks around the died. “Holy shit, Kdin! get in here!” She called out.

“What have I told you about cursing in front of the little ones?” Kdin scolded as she walked into the room. She widened her eyes and ran straight for Jack. “You’re back!”

“Hey, Kdin, how are you?” Jack giggled, hugging her friend tightly. After around 15 minutes of Kdin and Mica asking every possible question known to mankind, Geoff finally got everyone talking about why they were there.

“We want to adopt a kid, and I thought that if we could save even one kid from this shithole, we should.” He explained. Mica clapped happily.

“Of course! Come on in and meet the little ones! Oh, Geoff, theres a little girl that you’ll just love...”

The fakes wondered around the large home, meeting each and every kid they could. Jack, not surprisingly, bonded easily with the little ones. She played with as many as she could as she made her way through the house. Michael and Gavin bonded easily with a specific kid who had an affinity for fighting anyone in his line of sight (Gavin would never admit it, but the kid had a pretty good hit). Ryan and Jeremy stood awkwardly to the side, watching kids run around them. Neither of them really knew what to do. One kid, a little girl, walked up to Jeremy.

“You’re short.” She pointed out. Jeremy grumbled in response. The kid shrugged her shoulders and ran away, chasing after her friend.

Mica led Geoff upstairs to the nursery, where there were three infants, all asleep.

“Their parents left them on our doorstep. Issac and Jamie had notes, but this little one didn’t.” Mica said sadly, bringing Geoff to the small crib. The child was probably only a few weeks old at most, maybe a month, but she looked pretty healthy for her small size.

“What’s her name?”

“Erica.” A voice said from behind them. Geoff turned to see a little boy, around 9 or 10 years old.

“Erica?” Mica asked, perplexed. “How do you know her name is Erica? I’m not even too sure we gave her a name yet...”

“Because that’s what she smiles at when I play with her.” The boy said quietly. Geoff turned and squatted down to get on eye level with the boy.

“Hey, I’m Geoff. What’s you’re name?” He asked, giving the boy a warm smile.

“I’m Sean. Are you gonna adopt Erica? ‘Cause if you are, you gotta know all the things she likes, and I’m the only person who knows what those are.” Sean told him. Geoff sat down on the floor, confusing Mica a bit.

“Well, what does she like?” Geoff asked. Sean looked shocked, like he wasn’t actually expecting to be asked.

Sean told him all the little things that Erica liked, such as toys and funny faces. Mica quickly left the room to get the others so that they all could meet Sean, already seeing a bond forming.

“Wow, you got a huge family. Erica is gonna love it. She loves bein’ with people.” Sean told them with wide eyes as the Fakes all piled into the room. “I’m Sean, by the way. You guys better be nice to Erica, ‘cause she’s the only family I got, ‘ven if we aren’t really brother and sister.”

“What do you like to do, Sean?” Jack asked him kindly. Sean looked taken aback.

“Oh, uh, I really like to draw things. Sometimes Ms. Kdin’ll sneak me some drawin’ stuff so that the other kids won’t mess with it.”

“You like any video games?” Michael asked him.

“I’ve don’t really get to play ‘em myself, but when I was on the streets I’d see some people in the arcade playin different things. One time, someone had a game with a guy in a green dress on it, and I really liked that one.”

“Legend of Zelda?” Michael perked up a bit. Sean nodded.

“Yeah! I wanna play it myself someday, it looked like a lot of fun”

“Hey Sean, why don’t you go get some of your art to show us, hm? I’d love to see it.” Geoff asked. Sean nodded excitedly and ran out to get his drawings. “Alright, so I think Sean and Erica are our kids.”

“Geoff, we’ve been here for 10 minutes-“ Jack started, but Geoff interrupted her.

“I know, but you guys have to have felt the connection. That is the sweetest little boy, and Erica is the sweetest little girl. We can’t take one without the other, because that would just be cruel. I really think Sean and Erica are our kids.”

“I agree.” Michael spoke up. “Sean’s got a fire in him. He’d be perfect for us.”

“I like the kid. I think he likes us, too. I say we go for it.” Jeremy added. Ryan and Gavin nodded in agreement. They all then turned their attention to Jack.

“Well?” Geoff asked, hopeful. It didn’t take long for Jack to respond.

“I guess we have two kids to adopt, then.” She smiled.

“Why don’t some of you take Sean out, get him a burger or something? He doesn’t get to leave here much, and I’m sure he’d love to see some of the city.”

Jack was just about to protest before Ryan spoke up. “I’ll take the kid. No one in this city has ever seen my face and lived to tell the tale, so there’s no way I’ll be recognized.”

“You sure?” Jack asked hesitantly. Ryan nodded in response, and soon found himself holding the kids hand as they walked around the city, looking for something to do.

“Y’know, it’s pretty mean to take me out like this without adopting me.” Sean said as they were walking into an ice cream shop. Ryan looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh? How so?” He questioned, curious.

“You’re just gonna give me hope before pickin’ someone else. It’s happened before.” Sean mumbled, walking up to the counter. “What am I allowed to get?”

“Anything you want, kid.” Ryan responded. Sean turned and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Really? Usually the people who take me out only let me get the borin’ stuff. Thank you Mr. Ryan!” Sean said brightly. Ryan simply smiled as the boy ordered, but his smile soon fell as he heard a familier voice in the shop.

“No, you moron, they’re dead. Of course they aren’t in the city.” Burnie Burn’s voice rang clear as day. Ryan stiffened, but didn’t dare look around.

“I got a sundae!” Sean cheered.

“Nice choice. Why don’t we head on back now? It is starting to get late...” Ryan trailed off, not even waiting to hear a response. He felt bad hearing Sean’s sad groans of protest, but he kept them moving. If someone saw them, they needed to leave. Quickly.

“Ryan, you were gon for like 20 minutes. What’s the problem?” Geoff asked as the two came back inside the building.

“Someone saw us. I heard Burns while we were getting ice cream; he doesn’t believe we’re alive, but someone did see us. We need to leave tonight.” Ryan said quietly, though loud enough so both Mica and Geoff could hear. Mica nodded and immediately turned her attention to Sean.

“Go pack up your things, Sean, you and Erica are going home today.” She smiled at Sean’s wide eyes.

“You... you don’t mean...” He trailed off, looking at Geoff with hopeful eyes, who smiled back at him.

“You’re coming home with us.” She said gently, full of love. Sean all hit squealed as he rushed upstairs to pack, ready to move in with his new family.

After a bit of rushing and hasty goodbyes, the former-fakes found themselves on a plane again, getting the hell away from Los Santos, with two extra passengers.

“I ain’t ever been on a plane before.” Sean said excitedly to Jack, who was sat next to him. “We’re so high up!”

“You really are the perfect kid for us. How’d we get so lucky?” Jack thought out loud, causing Sean to blush. He turned around to look at Jeremy, who had headphones in. Sean snapped to get his attention, and Jeremy looked up.

“So where’re we goin’ anyway?” He asked. Jeremy popped his headphones out.

“France, little guy. The six of us have a nice house on the countryside.”

“France? Where’s that?” Sean asked.

“Europe. It’s across the whole ocean; i’ll be sure to point it out to you once we get to the ocean.” Jeremy smiled and Sean smiled back. He then turned around, announced very loudly that he was going to the bathroom, and walked away as those around him chuckled.

“He really is a good kid.” Geoff murmured, holding Erica close to his chest. She wouldn’t stop crying unless he held her, and he was more than happy to oblige.

“You you think he understands that he has 5 dads and a mom now?” Michael asked.

“Probably not. We an explain it once we get back.” Jack responded.

“What’s he gonna call all of us?” Gavin questioned. Everyone looked at him.

“What?” Ryan said, tilting his head in confusion.

“Well, he’s got 5 dads and a mom. Who’s going to be dad, papa, that shit.”

“I... I honestly never thought of that.” Jack admitted. “I guess I really wouldn’t, since I’m the only mom.”

“Well I’m obviously dad.” Geoff announced.

“Well why do you get to be dad?” Ryan asked, crossing his arms.

“Because I’m the leader! Who else would be dad?”

“I have spent the most time with him so far...” Ryan mumbled.

“I connected with him by talkin’ about video games.” Michael pointed out.

The five of them quietly argued about that for a few minutes before they saw Sean returning. They didn’t want to have that conversation with him before returning home, so they all shut up about it.

Sean was more than excited to see the ocean, and then a whole new continent while he was on the plane. The 6 of them soon found themselves back in familier territory, and we’re more than happy to show it off to Sean and Erica.

“Welcome to your new home, little ones!” Jeremy cheered, swinging the door to their cottage open.

“Woah.” Sean said quietly, his eyes full of awe.

“You like it, little guy?” Ryan asked, ruffling his hair. Sean nodded.

“I do! It’s so big! Can I see my room?”

“Sure can! Michael, why don’t you and Gav show him his new room while we all make dinner?” Geoff asked. Michael nodded, and he and Gavin both picked up Sean, the three of them giggling wildly as the sprinted upstairs.

“He really is going to fit in here, isn’t he?” Ryan chuckled, bringing in the last of the bags.

“If he isn’t too weirded out by having 6 parents, he will.” Jack said nervously.

“Jackie, it’ll be okay. He’s a good kid. He’ll understand. Now, let’s make some lasagne; Mica said that’s his favorite.”

Meanwhile, Sean was ecstatic to find that his room was full of different video game things, all centered around The Legend if Zelda. There were Zelda posters, a Link bedset, and the walls were painted a nice green.

“How’d you manage to pull this off?!” Sean squealed in delight.

“We made some calls before leaving and had this all done before we arrived. You like it?” Gavin asked, smiled at the small kid.

“I love it! This is so cool!”

“Oh, just you wait, Seanie Boy. Let’s go to the best room in the whole house.” Michael smirked as he sprinted out of the room, hearing Sean and Gavin laugh as they chased after him. He came to a sudden stop, and Sean barreled into his legs at full speed, causing him to fall.

“Oh, sorry, Mikey!” Sean giggled. Michael felt his heart warm at the name.

“This,” Michael started as he got up, “is the game room.” He opened the door, and Sean’s mouth dropped.

“It’s like an arcade in here!” He squealed in delight.

“Once we finish dinner and everything, we can come play some games. You can start playing Legend of Zelda.” Michael told him.

“Are you two gonna play with me?” Sean asked. “I really want you guys to play with me, you’re fun!”

“Of course, we’d love to.” Gavin answered, smiling. Michael nodded in agreement.

The three of them hung out for awhile before dinner was ready. After they all ate, the 8 of them sat down in the living room.

“Okay, Sean, we need to talk to you about something.” Jack started.

“You wanted to tell me about how the 6 of you are dating or married or something and that you’re all my parents?” Sean stated bluntly. Jack nearly fell off of the couch.

“How’d you know?” She squeaked.

“You guys are really loud; I heard ya all the way from the bathroom on the plane! You got quieter after a bit, but I get that you guys are all my parents. I think it’s cool! I went from no parents to 6. How many people get that lucky?”

“Did you also hear us... arguing...” Geoff trailed off, and Sean rolled his eyes.

“About what to call you guys? Yeah, and you guys really overthink things, you know that? I already know what to call all of you, if you’ll let me...” He trailed off.

“You can call us whatever you’d like. It can be a variation on dad, or it can be our names. Whatever is most comfortable for you.” Geoff said quickly.

“Well, Jack’s either momma or Jackie, because both fit her really well.” Sean started, causing Jack to blush. “Michael’s Mikey, Gavin’s Gavvy, and Jeremy is JJ. Ryan, you’re papa, and Geoff, you’re dad.” Sean finished. “It just feels the most natural.”

“Oh come here, you little rascal!” Geoff said happily, picking up Sean and spinning him around as they both laughed. “I’m dad! I’m dad!”

“Mikey is the best name, I coulda never thought of that.” Michael smiled.

“Gavvy is so cute!” Gavin told him.

“So’s JJ.” Jeremy added.

Sean let out a big yawn as they continued talked, signaling his jet lag.

“Ready for bed, Sean?” Jack asked gently. Sean simply nodded in response, his eyes closed and already falling asleep. She picked him up and took him to his room, tucking him in to bed and planting a light kiss on his forehead.

“Goodnight, Sean. We’ll see you in e morning.” She said quietly.

“Goodnight, Jackie. Thank you for bringing me and Erica into the bestest family in the entire world. I think things are gonna be really great from now on.”

Jack, as well as the others, couldn’t have agreed more.