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chaeryybomb · 3 years

Text

BRUTAL

pairings: female reader x best friend!jungwon

summary: they told you that these were the golden years, but to you "golden" was a rusting metal spray painted yellow. the story of a seventeen year old trying to survive high school when all you do is try your best. but your best friend jungwon makes it worth the while.

genre: high school au, friends to lovers, fluff, tiny bits of angst if you squint, attempt at humour

featuring: jang wonyoung, kim sunoo & nishimura riki

word count: 4.5k

warnings: reader having a existential crisis most of the time, strong language, mentions of insecurity

the sour series masterlist

You slumped forward the moment the bell rang, letting your head hit the table. You could care less if a bruise would form on your forehead, you had much bigger things to worry about. Your teacher left the class wordlessly as the class was busy doing their own thing. And by that, everyone was buried nose deep in studying. You lifted your head to see the different books of the same topic scattered on your desk, a yellow highlighter balancing on the edge of your table.

Reaching over to grab the highlighter, you turned your head over to the side to look at your desk mate. Wonyoung sat there looking straight out from a k-drama, with her hair flowing down her back perfectly and her slender nimble fingers moving as she continuously wrote in her notebook. She was smart too, fluent in English and Korean, great at maths and science. And on top of that she was kind and friendly, everyone loved her. You did too, you had the honour of calling her your best friend. But sometimes you felt insecure around her, everything she did looked flawless and there you were just trying your best.

"Ack!" You yelped as you sat up straight, holding your forehead. Wonyoung rolled her eyes at you with a small smile on her lips, she had flicked your forehead to get you out of your thoughts.

Without taking her eyes off the textbook, she tapped your own workbook with her pen. Silently telling you to stop procrastinating. You pouted at her and looked at the clock, 10 minutes before lunch. Maybe a walk to the girl's bathroom would do you some good.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you whispered to Wonyoung. She nodded and smiled at you before you walked out.

As you strolled towards the girl's bathroom, you passed by the bulletin board outside your class. A bright blue poster stood out with the words "ENJOY YOUR YOUTH" in white. Scoffing at the message, you continued on your way.

"I'm seventeen now, where's my fucking teenage dream?" You muttered to yourself. You were tired of waiting for your life to end up like a coming of age movie. Everyone told you that these were the golden years and you should enjoy your youth, but you swear to god if you hear another one of those cheesy sayings, you might just cry on the spot.

Reaching over to open the stall door, you halt in your actions when you heard familiar voices talking.

"I'm so worried for finals, my parents are gonna kill me if I fail English again," a girl complained. You hear the sound of tap water running. "How are you so calm during this time, Mirae?'

"What's the use of studying hard anyways," the second girl, Mirae, said. "We all know the top spots are gonna be taken by Jang Wonyoung and Yang Jungwon, I just study enough to pass."

The other girl snorted at her reply. "Imagine if those two got together, the power couple of the year," she suddenly said.

"Poor Y/N then, she's gonna be over shadowed by them."

"As if she already isn't. I almost forgot they were a trio until you mentioned Y/N," the girl laughed.

"What can I say? They're out of her league," Mirae joined in with her laughter.

The two voices faded away as you heard the door closed. Finally pushing the door open, you looked at your reflection. Your eyebrows knitted in annoyance and your face was morphed in a scowl. You washed your hands aggressively and poked the inside of your cheek. What bugged you was that they were right. You were the black sheep between Wonyoung and Jungwon. Both of them were smart and amazing, and you're just…you.

You love your best friends, you truly do. But you were constantly compared to them and you hated it. Everyone wanted them, you watched as guys tripped over to confess to Wonyoung and girls squealing when Jungwon smiled at them. The two of them always reassured you that you weren't beneath them but you were sick of their sympathy. You're so caught up in the news of who likes you and who hates them. You just wished people liked you more.

Storming out of the bathroom, someone accidentally ran into you and caused you to fell onto your butt. The student immediately stood up and scurried off, not bothering to even a mutter an apology. All I did was try my best and this is the thanks I get, you thought bitterly.

They said that these were the golden years, but you wished you could just disappear. God, it's brutal out here.

"Y/N, wait up!" Jungwon called after you.

You stopped in your tracks as you watched Jungwon waved goodbye to some students before jogging towards you.

"You heading to cram school today?" He asked you as the both of you fell into the same walking rhythm.

You shook your head, clasping your hands behind. "I moved it to Thursday instead, Wonyoung said I had to many things on Tuesday," you told him. Originally, you would be heading to the library to study before heading over to the cram school. But Wonyoung took one look at your schedule and decided that you did not had enough breaks, so she managed to convince you to take the Thursday slot instead. Thursdays are one of the days where you would not go to the library.

Jungwon seemed to be disappointed to find out that you had switched slots. Maybe he should changed slots too, but does he have any empty spots open for Thursday though? He'd have to check later. Instead, he coughed and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Do you wanna come over later? The new Demon Slayer movie is out," he offered, hoping that you'd accept.

Unfortunately, you once again shook your head. "Sorry Jungwon, I'd want to cram even more later. Finals are really creeping in and I can't afford to waste any time," you told him with a sad smile. As much as you would like to ditch the books and watch Demon Slayer, the glaring C on your last history paper was telling you otherwise.

You stopped walking when you had reached your doorstep. "Thanks for walking me home, Jungwon. See you tomorrow!" and with that you disappeared behind the door.

Jungwon waved goodbye as he watched the door closed. The smile on his face dropped and his shoulder sagged. Jungwon you idiot, of course she would want to study, he scolded himself. With disappointment on his face, he trudged home with a heavy heart.

"Change of plans, guys," he announced as he swung the front door open, unfazed by the fact that Riki and Sunoo were lounging on his coach. He accepted the fact that Sunoo had somehow gotten the keys to his house (suspecting that his mother probably gave it to him due to favouritism or maybe Riki had sneakily made a copy).

Riki's head poked out from the couch. "She rejected you, didn't she," the younger boy said with a smirk.

Jungwon's face ears turned red as he glared at the boy. "No she did not!" He immediately told him. "She rejected the offer to watch the movie, that's different!"

"That's basically rejection, hyung," Riki laughed.

The other boy just glared at him. "Shut up!" he sputtered out before hiking up the stairs.

Sunoo gave Riki a look, to which the Japanese boy just shrugged his shoulders innocently.

Jungwon walked out from the shower, a towel around his neck with one hand running through his damp hair. Sunoo and Riki had left earlier, finally giving him some peace and quiet. His phone screen was flashing from his study table, initiating that someone was spamming him (quite aggressively) with text message. With a raised eyebrow, he picked up his phone

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: WHY DID Y/N JUST MESSAGED ME ABOUT HOMEWORK

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: ISNT SHE WITH YOU

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: I THOUGHT YOU SAID U WERE GONNA WATCH A MOVIE

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: DEMON HUNTER OR SMTG

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: WHY IS SHE ASKING ME FOR HW

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: DID U CHICKEN OUT???

[7:13 pm] wonyoung: omg u chickened out didnt u

[7:14 pm] jungwon: jfc wonyoung

[7:15 pm] jungwon: and no i did not chicken out okay

[7:15 pm] jungwon: she declined

[7:16 pm] jungwon: she said she had to study ;-;

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: omg u suck

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: i told u the movie idea was dumb

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: but do u ever listen to me

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: no

[7:19 pm] wonyoung: and now u suffer the consequences

[7:20 pm] jungwon: yea yea i get it im dumb

[7:20 pm] jungwon: now what's ur solution the great jang wonyoung

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: i am so glad u asked :)

[7:21 pm] jungwon: oh no

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: stfu im giving u a better idea

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: a n y w a y s

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: my ynradar is going off and she's s a d

[7:23 pm] jungwon: how would u know

[7:23 pm] jungwon: she seemed fine today

[7:23 pm] wonyoung: stfu jungwon its best friend things u wont understand

[7:24 pm] jungwon: i-

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: and as her future bf u SHOULD start to train ur ynradar

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: anw its exam season stoopid

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and its when those kids start to talk abt how the both of us are gonna get top scores

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and they talk down on y/n while doing so

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: assholes

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: so i propose to u

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: a ✨ study date ✨

[7:28 pm] jungwon: i

[7:29 pm] jungwon: that's

[7:29 pm] jungwon: actually not a bad idea

[7:30 pm] wonyoung: obv i came up with it

[7:31 pm] jungwon: can u not

[7:31 pm] wonyoung: anw a study date

[7:32 pm] wonyoung: she's struggling in maths

[7:33 pm] wonyoung: specifically taxes because she said and i quote

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: "why do we have to do taxes when we pay people to do it for us"

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: so pls help her and try to cheer her up

[7:35 pm] wonyoung: and confess coward

[7:36 pm] jungwon: i make no promises for the last one

[7:36 pm] wonyoung: aFTER EVERYTHING I JUST SAID

[7:37 pm] jungwon: what if she rejects me wonyoung

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: WE'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION A LOT OF TIMES JUNGWON

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: SHE LIKES U BUT SHES TOO DUMB TO REALISE

[7:39 pm] jungwon: sigh

[7:40 pm] jungwon: fine i'll try thanks wonyoung

[7:41 pm] wonyoung: np i expect y'all to be a couple by next monday <3

[7:41 pm] jungwon: i-

Sighing for the nth time of the night, Jungwon sat on his bed. He allowed the towel to slipped off his shoulders as his thumb hovered over your chat icon. Truth be told, he always thought his crush on you was unrequited love. You never showed any signs of returning of feelings so he thought he would just ignore the feeling until it was gone.

But oh boy was he wrong, because he didn't knew that he would be spending his high school years by your side. And now you occupy his mind 24/7. Wonyoung could literally tell that he was in love with you, but somehow you never caught on. He allowed Sunoo and Riki to convince him to do the whole "movie date idea", but that failed. So Wonyoung's suggestion was his only option left.

He typed out the message, ready to send it out. If only he could just press the button. Come on Yang Jungwon, you can do this. Just press the damn button Jungwon. Suddenly his phone pinged loudly, scaring the lights out of the poor boy as he yelped and his phone landed with a thud on the ground. He peered over his bed, as if his phone was a ticking bomb.

Oh, it was a message from you.

[8:01 pm] y/n: hey do u know where wonyoung is

[8:01 pm] y/n: she isn't answering my texts

Oh no. He realised that your chat was open, the two ticks indicated that he had (unintentionally) read the message. He couldn't just leave you on read. That's just evil. Scrambling to get his phone, he immediately typed a reply to cover for the other girl.

[8:02 pm] jungwon: sorry i don't :/

[8:02 pm] jungwon: what do u need her for

[8:03 pm] y/n: mf was supposed to teach me a maths question but she left me on rEAD

This was his chance! It was the perfect opportunity for him to score a date with you. Okay, breathe in breath out Jungwon. Don't mess it up and just ask her, he mentally prepared himself.

[8:04 pm] jungwon: oh i could help you if you want

[8:04 pm] jungwon: yk with finals coming up and everything, i can help you study

[8:05 pm] jungwon: if you want of course

[8:05 pm] y/n: omg srsly??

[8:06 pm] jungwon: pls help me study my braincells are literally dying

[8:07 pm] jungwon: jdsjkda okay how about this saturday at your place?

[8:08 pm] y/n: yeah sure

[8:08 pm] jungwon: cool its a date then!

You blinked at Jungwon's message. A date? Wait, did Yang Jungwon just indirectly asked you out? Nah, nah. You were overthinking it. Yes, definitely overthinking. Don't kid yourself, why would Jungwon ask you out on a date? Jungwon is just a friend, you tried to convince yourself.

Keyword: tried.

If he really was just a friend, then why did it felt like butterflies were in your stomach when he said "it was a date"? Then why did you frowned when those girls said that Wonyoung and Jungwon would make a good couple?

Oh god, do you have feelings for your best friend?

Saturday came faster than you would have liked it to. Ever since that last chat with Jungwon, it gave you the sudden realisation that you did in fact had feelings for your best friend. You tried so hard to avoid him in school because you don't want the butterflies back in your stomach. It was basically confirming the fact that you like him. Well, avoiding him also confirmed the fact but you choose to be in denial about it.

You didn't tell Wonyoung about your study date but lately she's been sending you outfit ideas on Pinterest. Specifically, date outftis. And whenever you tried to ask her a question about school, she brushed you off with a random excuse. So it left you no choice but to save those questions for Jungwon.

Speaking of Jungwon, he had texted you 10 minutes ago that he was on the way. You were standing in the middle of your room with your hands on your hips. Both of your parents were out for the day, which left you alone at home. You had taken out the low table to be used later and it was currently in front of you. Colourful workbooks were neatly stacked on top of it.

You did a 360 turn around your room. Was it messy? You cleaned it this morning when you woke up. Did you had any clothes out? No, doesn't look like it. For some reason, you were a nervous wreck. You blamed Jungwon. He just had to call this a date, didn't he.

Should you change? Maybe you should finally look through all those pins Wonyoung sent. Wait, no, why would you have to change into something nice. Jungwon was here to help you study, just that.

Yeah, a study date, your mind emphasised on the word.

The sound of the doorbell pulled you out from your thoughts. You immediately went to open the door. Yang Jungwon stood there on the other side, with his signature smile. Had he always resembled a sheep? He just looked so fluffy.

"Hey!" You greeted him with a smile, internally wincing at your way-too-enthusiastic voice.

But Jungwon didn't seem to mind it. "Hey!" he greeted back.

You moved to the side to let him in. "Thank you for having me," he said as he bowed then proceeded to remove his shoes.

"Uh, do you want anything? Water?" You asked him.

He shook his head.

"Ah, cool. Let's head to my room," you started to walk back to your room.

"Where are your parents?" He asked.

"Out," you simply replied.

That was when it dawned upon you, that your parents were not home. Leaving you and Jungwon, alone. Together. In your room. Alone. With the boy you potentially have a crush on.

"Y/N?" Jungwon tapped on your shoulder. You had stopped walking when you were suddenly washed over by your thoughts. Snapping out of it, you sent him a small smile before opening the room to your door.

The both of you shuffled into your bedroom, you sat down in front of the low table while Jungwon settled down next to you. He moved to take out his books then turned to you. "How about we do some studying and if you have any questions, you can ask me okay?" He said.

You nodded and flipped your own workbook open, immediately starting to work on the first question. Jungwon copied your action and a comfortable silence engulfed the both of you. As the time passed, you found yourself stuck on a certain maths question.

You slightly turned your head to the side to look at Jungwon. He was concentrated at doing his work, you felt a sense of deja vu while looking at him. He resembled Wonyoung when she was studying. At the thought of Wonyoung, you suddenly thought of what those girls said at the bathroom.

They would make a good couple, wouldn't they, you thought. The power couple of the year.

The butterflies in your stomach faded away into an uncomfortable feeling. Just the idea of them getting together already made you sick. You bit the inside of your cheek, you really did had feelings for him. And now it scared you because what if he doesn't feel the same. You made a mental note to consult with Wonyoung later, at least you hope that you'll allow yourself to tell her.

Jungwon must've noticed you staring and gently tapped your head with his pencil. A contrast to when Wonyoung painfully flicked your forehead.

"What's wrong? Are you stuck on a question?" He asked.

You leaned back a bit at the sudden action. You were so deep in your insecurities that you had totally forgotten about the literal problem sitting in front of you. Yet you couldn't even bother to ask him so you just shook your head. "I'm gonna get something to drink," you said instead.

Jungwon watched as you stood up, then decided to follow you as well. "I'll come along."

The boy joined you in the kitchen, perched on one of the island stools as you grabbed a can of soda from the fridge. He studied your movement as you worked around the kitchen. Your features were neutral, you weren't smiling nor frowning. But he could tell that your shoulders were tensed. Wonyoung was right, you did seem down. And he cursed himself for not noticing earlier.

"You okay?" His question made you stopped in a mid-pour stance, the can of soda was tilted but not enough for the contents to be poured out.

You brushed his question off and poured the drink into the cup. "Yeah," you hummed.

Unconvinced by your answer, he pried more. "You know you shouldn't care about what they say, right?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, pretending like you didn't understand where he was coming from.

"You're not below us, you know that right?"

You couldn't help but scoffed at his words. Jungwon's lips tugged downwards "I'm being serious here, Y/N," his tone was stern. "You shouldn't listen to what they say. You're more than just-"

The sound of the can being slammed down shuts him up. Your fingers tightened around the can as you looked at him. You didn't had the energy to hear him preach the same old "Don't Listen To Them" speech. You don't need his pity.

"I don't want to hear it, Yang Jungwon," you said through gritted teeth. Not sparing him another glance, you threw the empty can into the trash as you grabbed your glass.

As you walked past Jungwon, he suddenly reached out and held onto your forearm. "Y/N," he said softly. "Please tell me what's wrong."

You sighed and slowly turn around to face him, placing the glass back on the counter. You took in a deep breath before you opened your mouth. "I feel like I'm not enough," you finally said. "Everything I do just doesn't seem enough. All I'm doing is my best but it's just crushing my ego because everyone is telling me that you're better than me."

"I feel like no one wants me and I hate the way I'm perceived. It's always poor Y/N this and poor Y/N that's because everyone just sees me as your shadow and I fucking hate it. I only have two real friends," you gestured wildly. "And lately I'm a nervous wreck cause I keep comparing myself to the two of you. I'm not cool and I'm not smart, and I can't even parallel park!" You threw your hands up in frustration, the feelings you kept inside were pouring out like a waterfall.

Jungwon just stood there as he listened tentatively to every word. He didn't knew that you felt this way, bottling up all your emotions like that.

"And I'm so tired of people telling me to enjoy my youth and that these are the golden years. I might just fucking cry if I hear those words again," you finished ranting. It felt good, it felt like a weight on your heart has been lifted. Then you remembered that you just dumped all of it on Jungwon.

You opened your mouth to apologise to him but he surprised you by pulling him into his arms. At first you were standing stiffly at the sudden contact, but it took a millisecond for you to melt in his embrace. His arms were gently around your back and you returned the hug by wrapping your arms around his torso. The two of you stay in that position for awhile, relishing in each other's embrace. You definitely needed this hug.

Tightening your hold on Jungwon, you realised how important he was to you. He was your best friend and he was always there for you. It was stupid of you to compare yourself to him, when all he did was tried his best for you. The taller boy chuckled when he felt you rubbed your face into his shoulder, he involuntarily released a contented sigh. You felt one of his hands stroked your hair, it felt comforting. That action itself was enough for the butterflies to slowly settled back in you.

After a while, both of you finally (unwillingly) released each other. He pushed a strand of hair behind your ears and said, "You're wrong by the way." Which made you tilt your head in genuine confusion.

"You are cool and you are smart. You're like the coolest person I know. And no one thinks of you as our shadow, you don't hear it but I've always hear the juniors praising you for helping them and how enthusiastic you are," the way he delivered his words was filled with pure awe for you.

"And who cares if you can't parallel park. You didn't hear it from but Jay hyung failed his drivers test three times just because he couldn't parallel park," and that got a laugh out from you. Jungwon smiled proudly that he managed to make you laugh. "And you're wrong when you said no one wants you. I want you."

You blinked once, twice and thrice. He wanted you? "You're just saying that cause you're my best friend," you replied.

"No," he firmly said. "I like you, Y/N."

(Jungwon doesn't know where he got this sudden surge of confidence, but the mood was the perfect time for him to confess. It was a one time chance and he had to take it.)

You chuckled. "I like you too, Jungwon. We are friends aren't we?"

"No, Y/N. I like you. More than friends."

"Oh." Oh.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of neck awkwardly. Oh no, did you not feel the same way?

While you on the other hand, were malfunctioning on the inside. Your best friend just confessed to you and you were frozen on the spot. Why couldn't he had done it over text instead. If he had done it over text, then you could've left the message unread and you could've spammed Wonyoung for help. But the thing is that it wasn't over text and you couldn't just tell him to wait here while you panicked to Wonyoung in your bathroom.

Yang Jungwon likes you. And you like him too, right? Because if you didn't, your cheeks won't be heating up right now and your heart would have not be beating rapidly like it was going to break your rib cage any second. If you didn't like him, there would have never been butterflies in your stomach. Yeah. You like Yang Jungwon, you like him a lot.

"Me too," you whispered, it was soft but it was enough for him to pick it up. Jungwon eyes snapped to you, doe eyed filled with hope. "I like you, too," you said, this time louder. And you made sure you looked him in the eye when you confessed.

You watched as Jungwon's mouth morphed into a big grin. He let out a sigh of relief and dropped to his knees, surprising you. "Jungwon!" you squeaked, bending down to help him.

"I'm fine! I'm fine," he assured you as he stood up with your help. The grin on his face was still there. "It's just that … you like me," he breathed out. "You like me back, wow. I-I can't believe it."

Your face was definitely burning with embarrassment. You punched him lightly on the shoulder, turning away to hide your face. "Believe it, you dork. I like you, okay!" Somehow his grin was able to grew wider at your words, Gently, he took your hand in his.

"How about we stop this study date, and I'll take you out on real date?"

a/n: thank you so much for reading this <3

#enhypen #yang jungwon #jungwon #enhypen imagines #yang jungwon imagines #jungwon imagines #enhypen x reader #yang jungwon x reader #jungwon x reader #kim sunoo #nishimura riki #enhypen scenarios #yang jungwon scenarios #jungwon scenarios #jungwon fluff #enhypen fluff #yang jungwon fluff #chaeryybomb; the sour series

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lostinthewiind · 3 years

Text

Piss Off Your Parents - Part 9

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren’t a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner’s 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: PG13

Warnings: arguing, harsh language, swearing

Song → 18 by Anarbor

Previous → Part 8

Next → Part 10

The trek up the stairs from the store to the apartment felt like climbing a never-ending escalator that was going the wrong way. After the day you had had, you were both mentally and physically exhausted and ready to call it a night early.

Thankfully, as if you had finally hit a stroke of luck that day, Keishin had texted you saying that he would pick up dinner on the way home, saving you the exertion of having to leave the apartment again. So, with that information in mind, you kicked off your shoes for the day and fell unceremoniously onto the couch in the living room.

As you sat down, you heard the envelope in your back pocket crinkle and the sudden noise seemed to completely fill the otherwise silent apartment.

Ah yes, the envelope.

Pulling the decision to your future out of your back pocket, you stared at it for what felt like another hour or so. No matter how long you held the envelope in your hands, you couldn't force yourself to open it. You simply didn't want to.

At some point between when your mother had handed it to you and now, you had subconsciously decided that you wanted to choose your own path forward despite what the decision letter may or may not say.

Feeling strangely empowered and confident, you stood to your feet and ventured into the bedroom where you slipped the envelope into one of the drawers Keishin was letting you keep your clothes in and tucked it underneath one of your sweaters. Maybe one day you would open the damn thing when whatever was inside wasn't weighing so heavily on your mind and future, but today was not that day.

Just then, you heard the front door open and knew Keishin had arrived home. Closing the drawer, you plastered a smile across your face and exited the bedroom to greet your boyfriend.

"Welcome home, Dear," you giggled, trying your best to fake the part of a doting housewife. "How was the volleyball game?"

Keishin chuckled softly as you took the takeout bags from him. "It was a close game, but they pulled it together in the last set and won."

"Oh, good!" You placed the bags onto the table before retrieving some plates and chopsticks from the kitchen.

"How was your day?" he asked as he pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek.

You sighed as you thought back on your day. "It was okay," you answered, not really wanting to go into much more detail than that. You doubted Keishin wanted to hear about your minuscule problems with rude customers after the long day he had clearly had.

Keishin, however, picked up on your uncertainty right away. "Doesn't sound okay," he commented. "Want to talk about it?"

You shrugged. "Just some shitty customers. Seems I had forgotten how poorly low-level workers are treated sometimes . . . just threw me a little," you said. "I'll be fine. Just glad the day is over now."

"You and me both." He flashed a smile as he turned to head for the bedroom. "I'm just going to change quickly and then we'll eat."

"Sounds good." You started dishing out some of the food. "I was also thinking we could watch a movie tonight as well. I could use something to clear my mind."

"Sitting on the couch with a beer is an ideal evening in my book," you heard him respond faintly from the bedroom. "There's a new action movie that came out. I think it's about-"

You waited for Keishin to finish his sentence, but when he didn't, you cocked your head and looked toward the bedroom doorway. Before you had the chance to call out to him, he appeared in the doorway shirtless, eyebrows furrowed and the envelope from the university in his hand.

"W-why do you have that?" you asked, the look on his face upon discovering the letter making your heart drop. "That was in my drawer . . . why were you going through my things?"

"I was looking for my sweater, the one you always steal," he answered. "Y/N . . . what is this?"

Rounding the table and approaching Keishin, you snatched the envelope out of his hand. "That is one of the many reasons why my day today was so shitty."

As you turned to head for the kitchen to toss the envelope in the garbage and rid your life of it, Keishin followed you. "You didn't get in?" he inquired.

You shrugged. "I have no idea. I didn't open it."

As you moved to toss the letter into the trash, Keishin grabbed your wrist and stopped you. "Why are you throwing it out if you didn't open it yet?"

"Because I don't care what it says. I've decided that I'm going to stay here with you and work at the store. This is the life I want . . . the life I get to choose for myself."

"You should still open it," he reasoned. "You might change how you feel about it when you see the result."

"I don't want to change how I feel about it." You shook your head as you gently pried your wrist out of his grip. "No need to make things more difficult than they need to be. I've had enough difficulty for one lifetime, thank you very much. This decision is easy, and best of all, it makes me happy."

Gesturing to the envelope, Keishin sighed. "But this is what you wanted. When you told me about your dream to play soccer at the University of Tokyo, your face lit up. Why are giving up on your dream before you've even given yourself a chance to experience it?"

"Dreams can change, Keishin," you told him before sighing and deciding to humour him for a moment. "Okay, let's say I open this letter and somehow did get in. What then? I couldn't pay for that school in my wildest dreams; not without my parents' help. Sometimes dreams are just childish and unrealistic. So I found a new dream, one with us living here together."

"You could apply for student loans. Tons of people do." He folded his arms across his chest. "I don't think this is about the money or your parents. I think this is about us. You've gotten comfortable here."

Throwing your hands up into the air in exasperation, you huffed. "And so what if I have? Is that really so bad?"

"I just don't want you to throw away an opportunity like this over me."

"Over you?" you cocked a brow. "Because you're, what, trash? Not worth it? A lowlife? A burnout?"

Keishin bit at his bottom lip. "You know what's not what I meant."

Inhaling deeply, you glared down at the god-forsaken envelope in your hand and began to tear at the top. "Let's not fight about something that probably isn't even going to happen." You pulled the letter out and unfolded it, your eyes scanning the text quickly. "The University of Tokyo is notoriously difficult to get into and I-"

Keishin quirked a brow when you stopped mid-sentence. "What does it say?"

A broken laugh was the only thing you could manage as you lowered the letter and shook your head. "Un-fucking-believable." You handed the paper over to Keishin, the edge crumpled from where your grip had tightened when you read the decision.

Keishin looked at the page for all of two seconds before he found the bolded 'Congratulations' and a huge grin spread across his face. "You got in!" He was way more excited than you were about this. "This is good news. You can play soccer at the University of Tokyo. Come on, you can't tell me this doesn't make you at least a little happy."

"I wish it did," you answered honestly. "I wish it were that easy."

"It is! It can be." Keishin set the letter down on the counter and took your hands in his. "Student loans, part-time jobs, it's all possible. Sure, it might be a little tricky to work out, but it's totally possible."

When you didn't respond, Keishin hooked his fingers under your chin and tilted your head up to look at him. "Accept the spot at the university. Follow your dream," he told you.

". . . but I'll have to leave you." You felt the words catch in your throat and tried your hardest not to start crying. "You make me happy—you're the first thing that's made me genuinely happy in a long time—and I don't want to leave that for a chance at something that might not even work out."

"But what if it does work out? You don't know that it won't," he said softly. "Don't end up like me, looking back at your past and wondering what might have been if you had just chosen a different path. I know this might seem good enough for now, but how will you feel after ten or twenty years of working the same dead-end job for the same shit pay all while getting treated like shit by people who look down on you? Look at how one day of catering to pretentious assholes made you feel. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like that?"

"But what about you?" you asked, your voice shaky.

Keishin dropped his head, a few stray strands of hair falling into his face. Unlike that morning, when he had been asleep with loose hairs in his face, he looked annoyed and frustrated now. The bags under his eyes and tension lines on his forehead were a stark contrast to the soft, peaceful face you had woken up to that morning.

"Don't throw this away over me," he repeated. "Don't throw your future away over a 26-year-old burnout."

Lip quivering, you sucked in a deep breath. "I thought you were different . . . but you're just like everyone else."

Keishin eyed you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You said I should make my own decisions and live my life how I wanted but it was all a facade." You slipped your hand out of his and took a step back. "In the end, you're just like everyone else . . . you think you have a right to plan my future for me without giving me a say in the matter. You want to tell me how to live my life just like my parents."

"How could you say that?" Keishin almost snapped but managed to collect his anger before he did. "All I want is what's best for you."

You scoffed as you wiped a tear from your cheek. "If I had a penny for every time I've heard that I'd have enough money to pay for the University of Tokyo and then you'd get your damn wish . . . I'd be gone."

"When did I ever say I wanted you gone? Why are you so adamant that going to Tokyo means we can't be together?"

"Why are you so against just letting me make my own decision about this?! Why do I have to go to play soccer at that fucking university and leave you? I don't want to leave you!"

"Why not? Why are you so damn hung up on someone like me?!"

"Because I love you!" The two of you froze in place the second those words left your mouth. Chest heaving from the shouting and high emotions, you snapped your mouth shut before you said anything else in the heat of the moment.

Eyes wide, Keishin stared at you like a deer in headlights. "You what?"

You debated whether or not you should repeat what you had said, but by then, the damage had been done. "I love you," you breathed. "And I know you told me not to fall in love with you . . . but I did. I fell hard and fast and now I'm stuck in you and I cannot possibly leave you so please stop asking me to."

You waited for what felt like an eternity for Keishin to say something, say anything. He opened his mouth a few times like he was about to, but nothing ever came out.

"Keishin . . ." You took a cautious step forward. "Please say something."

Keishin swallowed hard before looking you directly in the eyes. "If I said I didn't love you back, would you go?"

You felt your heart crack and the sensation of being punched in the gut spread throughout your entire body. "Is that what you're saying? You don't love me?"

"If I didn't, would you leave?"

You inhaled sharply. "If you look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you don't feel the same way that I do; that everything over the past few months has meant nothing to you, there would be no possible way I could stay in Miyagi," you answered truthfully. "If you tell me that you don't love me and that you never have, I would have no reason to stay in this prefecture."

Keishin's lips parted once more. "Y/N . . . I-" His brown eyes locked onto yours and you could feel what he was about to say even though he never did. "I . . . I can't do this right now."

With that, he brushed past you, grabbed a sweater from the bedroom and threw it on before storming out of the apartment, leaving you and the now cold takeout food alone.

Tears in your eyes and a lump in your throat, you turned to look over your shoulder at the decision letter sitting on the counter, practically taunting you.

You should have thrown the thing out the second your mom dropped it off. Or better yet, maybe you should have never made that deal with Keishin and applied for the university in the first place.

#piss off your parents #part 9 #haikyuu #haikyuu!!!#lostinthewiind #sexy time #haikyuu smut #reader imagine #x reader #reader insert #fanfiction #ukai keishin #ukai keishin x reader #ukai x reader #haikyuu!!#series

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am-imagines · 4 years

Text

Forever//Over. - Alex Morgan Imagine.

This was requested by an anon: Maybe some really angsts long distance relationship but with a fluffy ending.

I took a different approach with this prompt than what you’d probably expect, but I hope it’s angsty and enjoyable enough. I ran away with it and the over 6k words prove it. If it’s as angsty as it can be, I don’t know. You must want to ask @worms-and-jan She knows my angst-meter better than myself. But hey! It has a fluffy ending! Kinda.

I hope y’all enjoy!

***

You never believed that loving too much could hurt like this. You never longed for someone until air escaped your grasp and you weren’t able to breathe. And yet, here you are.

The darkness consumes you like a thousand questions you can’t answer. The walls of your room almost collapse over you and you need to get out of there. It doesn’t matter where as long as you’re not there: in the place that reminds you so fervently of the person you’re trying to forget.

The salty air of the beach helps you calm down; you breathe in and out but that doesn’t stop the deep ache in your chest. The music blares through your headphones; loud and yet unable to drown the cruel, mocking voice of your doubts.

The sky is dark, full of stars in the quiet autumn evening. And perhaps you’re not completely alone with the night sky watching over you even if the moon is missing. Even if she’s missing. You really want to believe it’s better this way, but it still hurts like hell.

You’ve called and texted her perhaps a thousand times since she disappeared from your life. And that’s the thing you can’t understand. How can the same person that proclaimed her love just turn her back on you like that? She was gone without a word or warning. It makes no sense no matter how much you think about it.

One day you’re enjoying life, trading kisses and “I love you”s while the world kept spinning. The faint light from the tv was the perfect halo for her beauty. The next day she’s gone. Your worry is met with silence and only a trail of media posts let you know she’s safe.

For so long you’ve believed that love shouldn’t hurt, and if it does, then it’s time to move on. That’s your plan now; put a sea between you while you try to forget.

Except you’ve never been good at that. You don’t fall in love often, but when you do then it’s the all or nothing kinda love. Sure, you’re willing and accepting of letting go when love dies, when the timing is right and when a relationship becomes full of bullshit. But here, everything is different and you’re not quite sure how to let go.

Hence why you’re at the beach; trying to figure out how you messed up, where things went wrong for Alex Morgan to stop loving you so abruptly.

Maybe, just maybe, this isn’t your fault at all.

That, however, would make her a fucking asshole. And that’s a tag you’re not ready to pin on her just yet. After all, you love her too much.

Still, there’s a party you must attend in less than an hour. You have a chance to be with the National Team, say your goodbye for the near future. And you gotta put the last period on a love story she can’t give you.

Next week your life starts in Europe; you have a club, a place and a dream to chase.

Sadly, there’s a missing piece in the puzzle you envisioned as your future. But her prolonged silence is a hint that you must reconstruct yourself and find another version of yourself. All in all, it’s better to move on now. Sure, the pain is there but won’t last forever.

Making the decision to leave wasn’t easy. You’re grateful for the chance the Pride gave you, but with the U.S. Soccer’s approval, you’re ready for a new horizon. There are plenty of challenges overseas that will help you discover a renewed version of yourself.

There are many things you leave behind, but ultimately, there’s nothing for you to stay.

This party is a chance to see your found family until next camp a few months away. Granted, you’re going to miss them terribly, especially Ash and Ali. They’ve practically taken you under their wing in Orlando. In camp you gravitate more towards Tobin and Lindsey as if they were all siblings.

The entire National Team is your family in one way or another. And it helps that some of them have experienced life in other countries before. They know that even with all the hardships of moving to another country; every moment playing soccer there is worth it.

This is an opportunity for growth. Now it’s your chance to discover more about you as an athlete and a human being.

It takes you another moment to collect yourself, to stop panic from overtaking you as you stare into Orlando’s beach one last time. This is the right decision, it has to be. Because right now your only plan is finding your future in Europe, and plan B is pretty much dying by Ashlyn’s hands if you don’t make it to the Harris-Krieger household in time.

The walk back home is quite enjoyable; the evening is warm and you’ve made peace with this, even if you’re not willing to put the blame on Alex. Sometimes things are just not meant to be no matter how hard you try to make them work.

What really works is your outfit as you make it to the party about an hour later. The music is already going, alcohol flowing and twenty three other women are causing havoc already. It’s twenty three because of course she would be there. After all, Alex Morgan is part of the National team.

Surprisingly, or maybe not, her presence hurts way more than her absence. It cements the truth you refused to believe; it’s not like she’s too busy to leave you aside, she just doesn’t care. It was far easier to question the darkness of your room than daring to do so when her eyes land on you.

In that moment you want to run away; turn on your heels and escape from all the pain and disappointment. Realization hits hard and deep, it makes your lungs burn all over again and you practically choke on the words you can’t throw at her face.

But this night isn’t about her. She isn’t the only person that matters in the world, not tonight. If she doesn’t care, you’ll pretend not to care either. You can do it for a night. You can do it for forever. Fake it till you make it, right?

“Damn, girl!” Ashlyn calls as she pulls you into a hug. “Looking fine.”

“Watch it, Harris. You’re a married woman now.”

“Excuse you, happily married.”

You nod at her statement because it couldn’t be truer. You’ve never seen a couple look at each other like that. You hope to have what they do one day. Even if it’s not with the person you thought for months. A mistake on your part, perhaps. Maybe one of many.

No. You’re not going to think about her anymore. She’s not going to ruin this night. There’s plenty of girls to keep you company, to laugh with and enjoy your last hours in the country. There are a million stories you haven’t heard yet. Hundreds of dog pictures to be exchanged like trading cards. You enjoy a drink, laugh and dance until you’ve almost forgotten her.

Almost.

Despite your best efforts, you can’t ignore the weight of her gaze for long. Just as you can’t ignore the way she keeps avoiding you even when you’re confined to the same place. You never considered Ash and Ali’s place to be extremely big, and yet Alex is never in the same room you are for long.

The sadness and hurt turn into anger then, and you wonder why the fuck she can’t speak her mind once and for all? She’s a coward.

Still, you’re too tired to keep chasing her, and instead stick by Lindsey and Rose. At least until Ash pulls you into the kitchen with a lame excuse of refilling drinks. That didn’t seem to be a problem thirty seconds ago, but you follow anyway.

You know Ash and Ali maybe as much as they know you. It’s only normal for her to do something like this every so often, either there’s some sort of gossip or a new cocktail you have to try. It’s no big deal.

“Okay, spill. What the fuck is going on with you?”

“What?” You parrot back, utterly confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Y/n, I know you. So don’t start that bullshit with me. You’ve been holed up at your place not talking to anyone since the end of the season. And I know this because everyone has been texting me, concerned that you’re not in a good place. I don’t know what happened between you and Alex, but...”

“Nothing happened!” You finally snap. “Nothing happened.”

Repeating the words doesn’t make them true, and the look on your face is one of defeat. You know it. Ash knows it. And so does Ali when she joins you at the kitchen with a worried look. This is not how things were supposed to go, but now you can’t really backtrack.

“I’m leaving,” you blurt out suddenly.

Except that you make no move towards the door. There’s no way you can drive like this; not when your hands are shaking and your vision is blurred by tears.

“I’ll take you home,” Ali offers; a hand resting on your shoulder.

“No, I...” You hesitate under her gaze, under her touch. It’s now or never, and it’s too soon to say goodbye but you have to start somewhere. “I’m leaving the Pride. I had some offers to play overseas, and I accepted. It’s a chance to start over, you know?”

“I’m going to kill a bitch, or break her legs.”

You gotta laugh at Ash’s words as you wipe the corners of your eyes. Of course she would understand more than you’re actually saying. Ali, well, she looks at her wife frowning in confusion.

“What are you talking about? Break whose legs?”

“There’s only one person that would make her want to lea-”

“No,” you interrupt, “listen. This was my decision, my choice, and only mine.”

“Yeah, sure.”

There are only three people in the entire world you cannot fool no matter how hard you try: Ashlyn Harris, Ali Krieger and Megan Rapinoe.

You’re starting to believe is some sort of superpower from the Lesbian Gods.

For a moment you try to hold eye contact with Pinoe but in the end, the woman quirks an eyebrow and you give up. In all honesty, you never had a chance to win here.

Fuck you, Artemis.

“Okay,” you relent. “She had something to do with it but...”

“What happened?”

The look in their eyes tells you that if you don’t tell them, there won’t be mercy for Alex. And yet, if you talk, you’re not sure if it’ll make things better or worse. There’s no escape from this situation; you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Ash, Ali and Pinoe are the three women you trust the most in the world. You’ve bottled your emotions over the last weeks and it obviously isn’t helping.

You can try. You can pretend. But you still find it hard to breathe. You still feel the world crashing over you while you scramble to find some answer among the rubble. They’re offering support in the best way they can; worried more about you than anything else.

“I...”

But it’s still hard to find your voice and put everything into words. They’ve never been your forte. If you’re searching for a clean slate, then it’s best to leave this behind.

“It’s a long story.”

By the end of it, you’re unable to look at any of them, and stare at the floor instead. There’s a moment of charged silence while their anger grows. You’ve cried enough already; the tears won’t come anymore, but even then your pain is there for them to see.

“Son of a bitch!” Ash yells, banging the counter in anger.

She’s angry with herself for not seeing this earlier, for not reaching out. It isn’t her fault. No matter how good she is detecting your bullshit, you’re good keeping secrets. She can’t see right through you when you don’t let her be close enough.

You would’ve been better at hiding this if it didn’t tear you apart as much as it did. It’s far easier to pretend when your heart isn’t broken. It’s easier to conceal anger under calm, and mask emptiness with a smile.

You never loved so deeply. You never hurt so harshly. It’s just like they say: there’s a first time for everything.

“I’m really going to kill her.”

“No, no. Ali, please.”

You hold her hand, pulling her into a hug she answers by tightening her hold on you. Ash and Pinoe join the love pile not too long after although you can see the tension lingering on their shoulders. You know they’re angry, but you won’t let them act on impulse.

“I don’t want a confrontation, okay? I...it won’t solve anything. Not anymore. I came here to have a good time, not to spend the night talking about her.”

“You need another drink then,” Pinoe says breaking the group hug.

In a matter of seconds there’s a full glass in your hand. The weight pressing down your chest has eased enough for you to breathe normally, for you to smile as bright as ever.

Who needs Alex Morgan when you have this incredible group of women?

“For an epic last night?”

You raise your glass for a toast, but instead of joining your cheer, they glare daggers behind you. Looking back is unnecessary to know who is standing behind you.

“What do you mean last night?”

Thankfully, she’s not the one talking, and you turn to face Kelley instead.

“Europe is calling, baby!” You exclaim cheerfully.

Intentional or not, your voice is loud enough for not just Kelley to hear. Every other girl in the next room hears too. Suddenly, all of them try to make their way into the kitchen; asking as many questions as they can while you try to answer them all.

They’re like an excited pack of puppies, walking you to the living room where anyone left out can join too.

Even among a sea of soccer players, her gaze cuts through it all. She follows you like a distant shadow, but you make your best to ignore her.

She has no right to stop you now. She has no right to act hurt when this is the aftermath of her actions. Everything has a consequence, and if she thought you would wait forever without an explanation, she’s wrong.

“When are you leaving?”

Her words are quiet but you hear them thunderous. They zap you as if they were lightning, and your eyes snap up to meet hers. It’s hard to describe what you see there, then again, you don’t try too hard to understand.

“Next week.”

Just like that, you move onto the next question as if your mind wasn’t troubled.

You laugh with the others showing none of the struggle you’ve gone through. You don’t tell them about the sleepless nights where you wondered what to do next, which direction to follow. You don’t say a word about your phone’s unlit screen and the hundred unanswered texts.

Somehow, when your eyes meet Alex’s again, she has the decency to look ashamed. She knows. She knows and still didn’t give a damn.

“You’re staying, right?” Ali asks once the party starts winding down.

“Until you kick me out.”

The woman huffs in mock annoyance before pinching your cheeks. If that’s the price to pay for her friendship, you’ll take it with only a tiny bit of whining. After all, you have to put up some kind of resistance even if your smile betrays you.

Half an hour later everyone is ready to leave; including Pinoe. She fetches her jacket while they all wait for their Lyft, Uber or whatever service they called.

Megan looks at you and then at the only other person sitting on the other side of the living room. A silent question being asked here:

Are you going to be alright?

You nod, getting to your feet for one last hug.

“I’m going to miss you,” you whisper.

“Why’s that? Phones don’t work over there or what?”

“You’re a fucking asshole.”

“Language,” she admonishes, earning her an eye roll. “Call me, text me and if it’s four am, I’ll respond once I actually wake up.”

“You are officially the worst. But I’ll do my best for you there.”

“Nah. You’ll do your best because that’s how you are. Take care, Y/n. Don’t make me go across the world to kick your butt. You know I will.”

“I promise nothing.”

With that, she’s gone and so are the rest of the girls with one exception. The one exception you don’t want to face. So, while Ash and Ali are getting the guest room ready, you decide to start the cleaning process.

Bypassing Alex, you make your way into the kitchen to load the dishwasher.

The sound of her footsteps is quiet, and yet too loud in the overall silence of the house. You’re between shocked and unsurprised. You wondered if staying behind had anything to do with you, but didn’t want to get your expectations too high.

She hasn’t talked to you in months, what makes this night special?

“You’re leaving.”

Right. That. That’s the big revelation of the night, but doesn’t really make a difference.

“Yes.”

With the dishwasher running, your next step is to gather all the trash scattered around the place. At least that was the plan. Alex has other ideas as she stands in front of you, effectively blocking the door. Sure, you can make your way around the kitchen isle, but you’re not feeling up to play stupid games.

“Why?” She asks.

Isn’t that the same thing you’ve asked yourself endless times? It absolutely is.

The whole thing is so ridiculous that you almost laugh. Except it’s not really funny. In a moment all the hurt turns into burning anger. It boils and swells, rises like the tide when the moon illuminates the sky.

You look at her and don’t recognize the woman you loved not so long ago.

“Why what, Alex?”

There’s a fierceness in your own eyes that is so unlike you. Sure, you’ve been angry before, who hasn’t? But never like this, never to the point of quiet rage.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You laugh then; an empty sharp sound that is far away from being happy. It’s the irony of it all, the nerve of Alexandra Morgan to sputter those words acting confused and hurt.

“I fucking tried!” You shout, and once you start everything else comes pouring out. “Or did you forget about the texts you never bothered to answer? Or the calls? I tried to reach you so many times, in so many ways, and you made it clear you didn’t want me around. And I just don’t understand...”

“Y/n-”

“No, I’m not done yet, “You cut her. ”You left me, Alex. The last words you said to me were “I love you” and then you were gone. You’re a liar, playing with my feelings when I gave you everything I could. You were the one that kissed me for the first time, the one that asked me out, for what? For the thrill of having a stupid girl you could toy with?”

“Of course not!”

“Then answer your own question. Why?”

Here you are, having a conversation you didn’t plan to have but wanted. No, it’s not really going as you envisioned. Mostly because you pictured yourself crying your heart out and begging her to come back. You deserve better than that.

“I...I’ve never felt the way I do for you.”

You raise an eyebrow, motion for her to continue cuz that’s not going to cut it. Not after weeks of going radio silent even when you let her know there was something important to talk about. Not after nights where you doubted your own worth.

“I got scared.”

You look at her in disbelief. That’s her reason; the only one, for running away without looking back. And somehow, you what, have to take it in stride? Hell, no.

“That’s bullshit.”

You’ve never been so in love either. And it’s scary; opening up and showing every flaw and vulnerability while expecting to still be enough. It’s bound to be scary, to be overwhelming at times where you can’t believe life and love truly feel like that.

That’s love for you, at least.

It fills your body, carves your bones until you feel weak at the knees. But you grow stronger until the weight of the world falls from your shoulders, until gravity doesn’t affect you anymore and you swear you can fly.

Love shapes the world, makes you find little hints and signs everywhere. The world reminds you so strongly of them that you wonder how you didn’t see it before. It makes you feel invincible, like your life has reached that perfect pinnacle of serendipity.

And that’s just the beginning.

Loving someone shouldn’t hurt. It’s supposed to be a celebration to life and the victories; big or small, found through the days. Sometimes that means a world cup. Sometimes it means buying a house. Sometimes it’s just being able to survive the hardship and exhaustion of a long day.

Love is the backbone of support, it lifts you up when you can’t stand on your own. It’s the quiet whisper in the back of your head reminding you to breathe when your head is underwater. It’s the knowledge that yes, life is not a utopia, and there are battles you gotta face on your own, but that you’re not alone nor lonely.

It’s supposed to be scary; terrifying even. But it’s also supposed to be filled with joy, and wonder. A mix of awe and euphoria that settle into calm. Because in love you can be yourself; the one version of you that the rest of the world doesn’t get to see.

And all of those emotions should make it worth it.

“Do you think I wasn’t scared too?” You finally ask. “I know there’s a lot on the line for you. I knew the terms and conditions of dating you since the beginning. I agreed to keep it a secret until you were ready. If you needed time to figure it out, to come to terms with who and what you are, I would’ve understood. Listen, even if you weren’t ready for a relationship at all, I would have understood. But not like this.”

“Please, Y/n. I’m trying to make things right.”

“Alex,” you say tiredly, rubbing your eyes in the process. “It’s too late. I’m leaving.”

“Don’t go.”

You can say the desperation in her eyes, can hear it in her voice. Still, that’s not enough.

She had a chance, more than one if you’re being honest, to make you stay.

Instead, she’s one of the reasons you’re leaving.

You deserve more than fear or reluctance. You deserve dreams that come true, to find true happiness. You deserve someone that will talk to you when things don’t go as planned; not shut you out completely. You want someone that looks at you with that happy light in their eyes instead of leaving you in the darkness of uncertainty.

“Why does it matter?” You ask with a hint of frustration. “You’re the one that left me! You walked away from us without a word! And I’m not going to be the girl you play with while deciding to pull your head out of your ass or leave it there. I deserve to be happy too. And right now that means being away from you.”

“I’m sorry.”

You feel a rush of everything; anger, sadness, frustration and perhaps a hint of relief as well. It’s hard to decide if you want to slap some sense into her or cross the distance between you just to feel her arms around your waist again.

In the end, you simply shake your head.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“I wish there was a way to go back.”

“You can’t unbreak things. You can learn and do better.”

There’s nothing left to be said, not on your side. And for now, you don’t really care about what she has to say either.

You make your way upstairs to where Ash and Ali are waiting for you. It’s not hard to eavesdrop on an empty house, but they respect you enough to give you space. You’re not a kid; you know how to handle your own battles although the moral backup is always appreciated.

“You’re going to be okay?”

Ali looks deep into your eyes in concern, but her worry is met with a shy smile.

“Yeah, I think I will.”

For the first time in the last few weeks, you are able to breathe with nothing weighing on your chest. Closure is exactly what you needed. Facing her after the prolonged silence was perhaps one of the hardest things you had to do, but now the future seems a little brighter.

*****

Playing in one of the most competitive soccer leagues in the world is far from easy. Even the style seems different; play harder, faster and smarter. But you’ve done great, put your name up there among some of the best.

What some considered potential was polished into talent, although that had more to do with your discipline and hard work. Of course, the press wasn’t so kind as to enlighten that.

At the end of the season you have a championship and a new shining contract waiting for you. All it’s missing is your signature, but there are things to consider still. You miss home. You miss the crazy 23 women you call family.

Hopefully the upcoming USWNT camp will clear some of the doubts.

Maybe seeing them all again will give you the strength to extend your life in Europe. Maybe it’ll make you realize it’s time to go home.

There are many clubs interested in you which is not a surprise after everything you’ve done in a matter of months. Europe has catapulted you to another level, and it’s true there’s so much more to learn. Still, feeling homesick can be one hell of a bitch.

You could always move back to Orlando. Maybe you could move with Tobin in Portland. Tagging along Press with the Royals or go to Chicago for a change. The world is yours if you want it, and Heavens, you absolutely do.

“Why is something telling me you won’t come to stay?”

You glance at Pinoe on your screen while you finish packing. Sue and her are keeping you company as you get ready. Traveling always makes you anxious no matter if it’s just a couple of states over or halfway across the world.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Does this have to do with Morgan?”

“What!? No! I haven’t talked to her.”

“Maybe you should.”

You glare at your screen suspiciously because this is Pinoe of all people; telling you to talk to her. Megan Rapinoe; the woman that knows the ins and outs of your relationship and feelings for Alex. It doesn’t make sense unless something happened.

“Okay, fess up.”

“About what?”

The smug look on her face tells you that your mighty glare isn’t working.

Fuck you, Artemis. Again.

“Don’t worry, kid.” Sue intercedes with a gentle albeit playful smile. “You’ll get it soon enough.”

“Get what?”

They don’t answer your question and you don’t have much time to keep asking as they excuse themselves to end the call. Technically, it’s almost time for you to leave. However, their intentions are pretty clear. In the end, you groan in annoyance as they manage to dodge your question multiple times before the call disconnects. Alas, there’s nothing you can do.

It doesn’t take long until you’re on the airplane waiting to take off.

Your leg bounces nervously while you’re torn between looking out of the window or closing your eyes. It’s practically a miracle you decided to move so far, considering how much you hate flying. To be honest, the flight itself isn’t the problem.

Feeling the rumble of such a huge thing, it always makes you wonder how it can actually fly. You’ve seen documentaries and read articles but that fear comes every time you get into a plane. Besides turbulence, lift off is the worst part.

“You can hold my hand if you want.”

Your head snaps up towards the person standing next to you. Even now, after months since the last time you heard that voice. You would be able to recognize it from a million others. That doesn’t take away from the surprise of seeing her there.

“What...” you start, trying to find your voice, “what are you doing here?”

“Taking a plane back home.”

“No, I mean-”

Her chuckle makes you realize she’s teasing. Partially, at least. She sits next to you, ready to go back to the USA. Which doesn’t really explain what she’s doing in the same country as you.

“Alex,” you try again, “why are you here?”

Your time away from her has been odd to say something.

You’ve missed her, she was your best friend even before things escalated into something else. She was the person you trusted the most before everything came tumbling down. And yet, over the last few months you’ve done your best to not think about her too much.

You limited your social media activity mostly to club related posts. Mostly accessed to catch up with some of your other friends, but being careful not to dwell on any of her posts. You scrolled past them in a hurry or got out of the app as soon as possible.

Unfollowing her would have been the smart choice, if you were someone else.

Being under the spotlight it’s great, but it also means everything you do is a clue for something. Unfollowing her would bring up more questions than you were, or still are, willing to answer. It was easier to pretend and move on.

“I got it out.”

Her words catch you by surprise and you shake your head trying to get back in the moment.

“What?”

It’s hard to make sense of any of it when she’s right there. Maybe it’s the shock of seeing her after so long. Maybe it’s hard to pay attention to her with the plane rapidly filling. It feels like you’re running out of time even when there’s nowhere else for you to be.

“You were right,” she says instead.

“Alex,” you warn, trying to get her to the point.

“I got my head out of my ass,” she finally answers with a half smile. However, her eyes remain serene, telling you she’s taking this seriously. “I was an idiot, and I’m sorry. Even then, when I discovered you were leaving, I could only think about myself. I can’t ask you to forgive me. We both know I don’t deserve it after everything I did to you. But you deserved an apology. That’s why I’m here.”

“You came all the way here for that?”

There’s more surprise in your voice than anything else. Sure, you appreciate the gesture but it seems a little overboard. Then again, you’re not sure of the result if she had called. Maybe you wouldn’t have picked the phone to begin with.

“I wanted you to know I mean it. I didn’t feel like words would be enough. Besides, I know how much you hate flying, so coming here just to go back, it’s worth it if it’s for you.”

Against all your common sense, you forgave her long ago. More for your own sake than hers, but all the anger and hurt are gone. The love you felt for her is not what it used to be, and neither is the trust. But in that moment, you’re glad she’s there.

Without saying a word, she offers you her hand.

This is something you’ve done several times, holding her hand during a flight, and you accept her offer just as the plane starts moving. If your grip is too tight, she doesn’t complain. She keeps her eyes on you; making sure you’re alright and damn those blue eyes.

“So, how did Pinoe know you were coming?”

“Did she tell you?”

“Not really,” you answer truthfully. “She said I should talk to you and that I would get it. You know her and Sue, they can be cryptic. Still, never expected to find you here.”

“Yeah, well...” She shies away from your gaze for a second but meets your eyes again. “Once you left I realized my mistake. I mean, I did before that. Guess it was easy to justify everything with fear. Then you weren’t there and the fear of losing you forever was bigger than the one of losing everything else.”

No, you’re not going to fall in love with her all over again. Not after you spent months getting over her. Even if she looks at you and you feel like she can see right into your soul.

“Alex, I can’t-”

“Hey,” she softly interrupts. “I’m not asking anything from you; I messed up. And like you said, I can’t unbreak things, I can only try to fix them.”

You can extend her an olive branch; a start. You’re not sure whether this is a good idea or not. It’s hard to tell where this is going to tell you. Still, you beg to the Lesbian Gods to guard your heart.

For now, you’re glad the 10+ hours journey back to America is not a lonely one.

*****

“Everything ready?”

You look over your shoulder to face some of your teammates.

You’ve decided to go for another year in Europe; extending your stay with the club you love while trying to win another chip and extra hardware.

“Almost.”

“I knew you wouldn’t stay,” Pinoe claims.

“But you sure wish I did.”

Her shrug confirms your suspicions because hell, you’re going to miss them too. It’s weird to be in a similar position as you were last year, and yet, everything feels different. You’re still at camp instead of sharing a wonderful evening at the Harris-Krieger household, but everyone that matters is there.

Last time it was a hundred percent your decision to leave although there were motivations besides soccer. This time your terms are different, you’re chasing a dream instead of running from a nightmare. You want to keep learning, growing and being the best you can be.

“You’ll come with me again?” You ask Alex teasingly.

“Not this time. But,” she pauses for dramatic effect. “I’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

There’s some kind of promise there that you refuse to fully believe. It wouldn’t be the first time you get your hopes too high, or the one where you crash down in free fall with no parachute.

Camp has served you right, both of you. And maybe you stopped Ash from killing Alex when it was known you two would share a room, but things are...better.

“You can always visit.”

All eyes fall on you, trying to decide what is going on in your mind. To be honest? You’re not quite sure either. But you feel that pull towards Alex, daring you to allow her in.

You tell yourself this is a mistake. There’s absolutely nothing stopping her from doing something stupid, from leaving you hanging while you doubt yourself again. Everything could play out exactly like the last time, except something is different this time.

You’re not quite capable of explaining. You’re not gonna dive without testing the water either. So there’s another year overseas with some distance to keep your head clear. Whatever happens in that lapse, it’ll be the answer you need.

“Call me if you get homesick.”

“Except if it’s three am?” You ask with a sideways glance to Megan.

“Even if it’s three am,” Alex corrects. “Can’t promise I won’t fall asleep on you tho.”

“As if you didn’t do exactly that already.”

“Hey! At least I would pick up.”

“Fine. I’ll take it.”

There’s a small grin in your lips while you pack the last of your stuff.

You look at your friends and family one more time knowing they’ll be there when you come back. And looking at Alex you know there’s a chance home will be waiting for you.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

#alex morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #alex morgan x reader #fulfilled prompt #excuse any typos #it's five am and I'm ready to die

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stydiaeverafter · 3 years

Text

Ch2: Hidden Nightmares

Summary: Heather helps Ray through his nightmares but also worries about her own—her future.

Rated: T

Warnings: PTSD from the challenges of Panic

A/N: Thank you for all the kind words! I'm excited to continue this story between Nillhall. As much as I love writing from Ray's POV, I will be switching back and forth as the story goes on. I hope you all enjoy it!

Read on ao3

***

"I'm scared I'm falling in love with you." Heather could not get those words out of her head. They were floating alongside so many feelings that she couldn't ignore, even if she wanted to.

"I'm scared, too." It was the truth. Ray had been right. Since the challenge, everything frightened Heather. Sometimes she didn't know which way was up from down.

After she received the money from the Bagman, Heather was living in a constant state of anxiety. It didn't help that someone had thrown a scarecrow dummy at her car—a warning that Panic wasn't through with her, that she was being watched.

Though, she had been the fool and hadn't told anybody about it. Heather had wanted to wait to see if anything else would happen. Plus, she knew that Ray would freak, and she didn't want him going off the deep end, primarily because of her.

Besides worrying if someone wasn't through with her yet, the money would be stolen. The challenge was just beginning. Heather also thought about the relationship with Ray.

They were in the beginning stages of figuring out what this all meant between them. Heather had joked, saying, "We don't have to fall in love, Ray," but she realized soon after that the falling was inevitable.

Heather had been falling in love with him since he finally had opened up to her at the Player's Ball. Even though she had tried to push anything serious from her mind, fate had a different path for her.

Ray brought out a wild, not-so-sheltered side of her. It was fun, exciting, and new. Natalie, before leaving Carp, had warned her for the millionth time, saying men like Ray don't always change. But the problem was that many people didn't actually know the real Ray Hall. They saw what was surface deep—not the man behind the iron mask.

She was taking the time to really get to know Ray after so many years of witnessing the facade.

It had been almost a month since the game and surrounding herself around Ray Hall. Heather tried to keep digging to get to know him, even though they had difficulty keeping their hands off each other. There was a chemistry between them that was electrifying. She knew he felt it, too, as he would often tremble when they kissed.

They had hooked up a few times, still not having sex, and she was grateful he was willing to take it slow after what had happened at Graybill Manor.

However, Heather couldn't stop thinking about that. This part Natalie didn't have to warn her about. It was only the truth that Ray had hooked up with many girls and had since their freshman year. As she replayed Graybill Manor often in her mind, Heather still couldn't figure out why he had gotten so upset. Part of her whispered that it was because what was going on between them had been different for him, special, and when she had said, "What's the big deal," it had stuck him in the heart. But was that the real reason? Maybe so, now that she knew he was falling for her. But would it last? In her mind, she was sometimes scared she was one of the many on his list, and when he was bored, he'd throw her to the side. However, her heart would beat, saying that was a lie. This man loves you. He'll wait.

Heather had fumbled a lie saying she wasn't a virgin, but the truth was, she very much was. She had wanted to wait for the right person and always thought it would be with Bishop. But they had failed romantically, and that was okay. Sometimes just being best friends was enough.

Being around Ray, her thoughts shifted, and more and more did she want her first time to be with him. But how could she tell him that? Unless he already knew. That man was perceptive.

She looked over at him, sleeping in the sun on his boat as she wrote ideas for her stories that would probably never be published. The way he encouraged her to write was as beautiful as watching the sun touch his face in the light.

His arms were folded, and his eyes were closed in a peaceful way. He looked younger this way, not the troubled adolescent who had been forced to grow up too soon, even though she knew exactly how that felt.

Ray truly was gorgeous, and she resisted the urge to run her fingers down his cheek. Instead, she gripped her pen tightly and continued to write.

Writing gave her purpose. The inner words, too scared to speak, found their escape into the world. Heather wanted so desperately to take her writing a step further. But to do that, college was a must. She had more than enough money, but part of her was scared to use it, and the other part didn't want to leave Lily or Ray. This hadn't been the first time Heather considered taking her sister with her, but could she give her the life she deserved? It sure would be a hell of a lot better than what their mom was giving them. But it was a custody battle she didn't want to play, even though she was 18 now.

That didn't stop Heather from still applying to the University of Austin, the place she always saw herself going. She looked back down at Ray, wondering how he would take the news that she had applied. Heather knew he had changed a lot from the boy before Panic, but would he be willing to do long-distance?

Her thoughts evaporated as Ray started thrashing around, whimpering in his sleep. She closed her notebook and made her way over to him.

"No...don't...don't leave me. Heather..." She froze at his words, wondering if he knew exactly what she had been thinking only seconds before. "No, help. No...."

Heather knew Ray spoke in his sleep, especially with his nightmares—the unfortunate pleasure of having a traumatic past—but this seemed unusual. Worse in numerous ways, especially given how Ray was shaking like a scared child.

"Ray! Ray, wake up." Heather shook his bare arms as he tossed around the small boat. "Ray!"

Finally, his eyes shot open, and he gazed up at her as Heather attempted to block the sun from his eyes.

"Heather?" Ray asked after a moment, sitting up slightly, his body covered in sweat.

"It's me. I'm here," Heather replied, bending down to gently kiss his forehead. "Are you okay? You were having another nightmare."

Instead of answering right away, he just gazed into her eyes as if he were getting lost in something that only he could see. Then all of a sudden, Ray shook his head and ran a hand through his already messy curls. "I'm fine. Sorry to worry you."

"How often are you getting them?"

"Nah," Ray shrugged, "it's not a big deal. Just my fucked up brain." He ran his fingers gently through her hair, a habit that had formed since spending so much time together. "No worries, babe."

"Ray, stop it." Heather gripped his hand tightly, and he froze, "Don't do that! Please don't push me away. It's a big deal to me if it's hurting you." She placed her palm against his warm cheek, and the facade disappeared instantly as Ray closed his beautiful blue eyes.

It still took a lot for Ray to be vulnerable, but he would for her. Sometimes though, it took a bit of convincing. Old habits die hard. She was working on letting someone in as well. In her past, Heather had to be a closed-off box inside her own comfort zone—being with Ray expanded everything she knew. It was scary but worth it.

"I'm sorry," Ray responded, opening his eyes. "I don't mean to be an asshole, especially not to you. I appreciate that you want to be there for me. Guess I'm still getting used to it, though." Heather nodded with a smile, confirming that she understood the journey and making positive changes. He sighed deeply as he took her hands into his lap. "The dreams?" Heather bit her lip, waiting for when he was ready. "You. Lately, so many of them are about you."

"Me?" He nodded. Heather squeezed his hand, "Can you tell me what this one was about?"

Ray glanced up at her, with a crestfallen expression, "You left me again."

Her heart stopped in her chest—Ray must've known. Heather cleared her throat, "Left you how exactly?"

"It was the fire this time. I could see your lifeless body on the ground as we tried to do CPR. But...it didn't work. Just a reminder that even when I ran in to help you, I was the one who couldn't save you."

Heather gasped and held her breath, "You ran into Graybill?" He nodded with a sad defeated grin. "I had no idea. No one told me. Why didn't you?"

"Explain how I couldn't find you?" Ray shuttered, gripping her hands tightly. "You almost died, Heather; I felt like a failure."

Heather couldn't explain what that meant to her. He had tried to get to her, even if he hadn't found her. Ray had searched for her, even after their argument and him calling what had happened between them a mistake. They weren't a mistake; they never would be.

"It means the world to me that you tried, though. I hope you know that." He didn't answer her, so Heather went back to the dream, remembering to focus on the issue at hand. "But damn, I'm sorry you keep reliving it," she whispered. Heather scooted closer to him in the small space. "It was a close call, but I'm okay."

"I never know which one is worse. They're all fucking horrible." Ray let go over her hands and covered his eyes with a groan, "Last night's dream, you fell off the plank, right through my damn fingers."

"The challenge is over, Ray. We both made it out in one piece." Now was definitely not the time to tell him about the weird dummy being thrown at her car. She really didn't want to send him into a nervous breakdown.

"Maybe that's what Panic does to you, though, screws with your mind even after it's over."

Heather sighed, "But the nightmares are only of me?"

"Yeah, and I fuckin' hate it. I'd rather it be me."

She shook her head rapidly—Heather wouldn't want that...never. "No, don't say that. Listen, I know they're probably terrifying as all hell, but I'm okay. See?"

He nodded but didn't look at her. Heather could tell that Ray was still far away in that mind of his. "Ray, I'm here." Heather took his hands and placed them firmly on her shoulders. "Feel me. I'm not leaving you."

Ray finally peered at her. The look reminded her of the day he told her he was scared he was falling in love with her. "Promise?"

It was a double-edged sword making the promise to Ray. If she got accepted into UT, Heather would be leaving him unless he came with her, which she doubted he would. But she had to do something to alleviate his worries, at least for a little while. "I promise, sweetheart."

His lips were on hers before she realized Ray had moved. "I love it when you call me that."

She smiled at his words spoken against her mouth, feeling a small dose of relief. But as he kissed her softly, Heather felt like she could cry at the desperation behind it. As much as she yearned to leave Carp, she was terrified to say goodbye to Ray Hall—the man she loved.

#nillhall #nillhall fic #heather x ray #heather nill #ray hall #panic fic #panic amazon #panic tv series #post-canon #tw: ptsd #*my fic

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avversiera-writes · 3 years

Text

touch your heart [senju tobirama/you] - chapter 8

Summary: Hashirama might go down as the worst matchmaker in history, but he thinks he might be on to something. Tobirama sees through his brother's schemes and is determined not to fall for it. Or fall for you.

Word Count: about 3k

AO3 LINK TO TOUCH YOUR HEART

AOR SERIES LINK TO ‘TIL DEATH DO US PART

[<<<CHAPTER ONE] [CHAPTER TWO] [CHAPTER THREE] [CHAPTER FOUR] [CHAPTER FIVE] [CHAPTER SIX] [CHAPTER SEVEN]

It is raining blood.

Someone is groaning faintly towards your left, but after waiting it out, they eventually stopped making any sounds.

Your hand comes up to your face to wipe the blood off of your eyes, but you still see red. Your clothes and your uncovered skin are doused in blood, and they trickle down slowly to the ground, mixing with the others' spilled ones.

Blood that you spilled yourself.

Darkness swallows you, and a strained laugh escapes your lips.

What is the point of all of this? Even killing so many bad people does not negate the evil of this world. No matter how you justify it, you still have the sword that ended lives.

Human ones.

Even if they did not deserve to live, who are you to decide that? If anyone can just kill, who decides what is right and wrong?

Tears spill out of your eyes and it clears your vision.

Your hand moves to take your wakizashi. You can end it all today. Easily.

The blood rain stops.

A hand comes into your view, palm opened and extended towards you. Your hand pauses at the hilt of your blade.

"I am Uchiha Madara," the owner of the hand says. "I've been sent to kill you, but I have a feeling that we are more alike than you'd think."

Your head rises, and you look to the face that might have just stopped you from dying.

His dark, spiky long hair surrounds him like a halo. His red eyes stare into you, touching your soul, and your hand falls away from your blade.

"Take it and live," Madara says. "And if not, I will grant you your mercy here and now."

Your hand slowly comes up, and you gingerly place your hand into his. Madara squeezes it and he pulls you up to stand.

"How will I live?" You whisper. At least death grants reprieve. Now, there is only uncertainty.

Madara takes his other hand and raises your chin towards him.

"Atone." Madara's voice reverberates in the bloody forest. "And start anew. There is a village where you can do that. I can take you, if you'd like."

You watch Madara’s eyes become black. Like the clearest night sky, adorned by a new moon.

In that moment, you are able to get a taste of this so-called peace for the first time. It tastes of clean water from a cold spring. It feels like freedom and salvation, like the chains bounding you to your past are broken down.

You step towards Madara and you look him straight into his eyes. The man narrows his gaze, sizing you up. Finally, his gaze softens. He must have found something worth salvaging.

Your eyes swim again, and as your tears flow down again, Madara moves his hand from your chin to wipe them away.

"Thank you," you tell him, your voice quiet and reverent.

"Let’s go home," Madara beckons, like a shepherd to his flock of sheep. Comforting and gentle.

And you follow him.

Hashirama makes you stay in their house for the rest of the week, and while you really do not want to keep imposing on the Senju household, you aren’t going to lie to yourself. This is the most peaceful you’ve been in a while now. You also do not have to worry about your next meal, or whether your water is going to stop flowing. It did not even matter that Tobirama is giving you these dark looks of his, you are used to them and you do not think much of it–to you, this is like his default expression.

Tobirama does not ease up on his staring, you feel his eyes even through the walls.

You are still unsure of what to think of him. One moment, he is cold as ice, the next, he helps you out in the most subtle ways, like making sure your room isn’t too hot or too cold, or that everything you will need to work on the curriculum is near you. You try to notice these things, but they go over your head before you can even say thank you.

You can see his effort trying to be nice, but even though you are enjoying your stay a lot, it makes you want to run. Sometimes people who are too kind are not kind for the right reasons. They always have a price to ask or intentions to harm you.

You remind yourself that even if Tobirama is a blunt asshole, he has never given you a reason to fear him. You already know he’s a rough man, but he is way better than the people you have met in the past. He is smart and he has a vision for the future, and every day, he proves that he has pure intentions to serve his brother, the village and its people. One ought to have a big heart to lay down for something bigger than you and not ask for anything back.

So you give him a chance.

Despite what you’ve seen and experienced, you dare yourself to show him a little more.

It is like jumping into the unknown, head first into a pit, knowing there is nothing to catch you.

“What is this?” You ask Tobirama, staring up at a very tall tree.

“You are going to climb it,” Tobirama says and he looks up as well. “It’s the same as crossing the river, but this time, you are going up and against gravity.”

You put your hand forward to touch the bark.

“And when you get to the top, let’s have that overdue race,” Tobirama hands you a kunai.

You give him a sideways glance. “How is that fair?”

“Giving up so soon?” Tobirama smirks.

“Please. You wish,” you taunt. “I’ll fight dirty if I have to.”

Tobirama nods, and his face visibly softens with pride. “That’s so much like you, then.”

You whip your head to him in awe and he shrugs.

“You have not been acting like yourself,” Tobirama reasons. “You’re always moping around, like a snot-nosed little kid. It’s ugly.”

You roll your eyes. “What about you? Always staring at me to make my head explode, like a bastard.”

Tobirama presses his mouth into a tight line, but a corner of his lip lifts. “Lucky for you, you’re too bullheaded to take any damage.”

You open your mouth to retort back, but a laugh escapes your lips. You had no idea how much you’ve missed your banter with Tobirama until he started brooding around you a few days ago. No moment has ever been dull with him. Each second you are near him, there are always new sights to take in and explore. Tobirama’s eyes widen in surprise and his mouth parts slightly at the sound, and the two of you share a look.

There is understanding between the two of you, and you dare each other to look away first.

Neither of you budge.

A breeze passes through, shaking the trees above your heads. A few dried leaves fall and they sway along the wind, following the way it swings until they fall to the forest floor with a silent crunch. Somewhere, a bird flaps its wings and sends out a melodious chirp that echoes through the giant trunks of the forest. Soft sunlight peeks through the small spaces of the boughs of the trees, and the light hits Tobirama’s eyes just right, and you can see his white lashes flutter and the lighter specks of his red eyes, the ring of muscles surrounding his pupil iridescent with pink, white and red.

You are rendered speechless.

Another soft breeze comes by to ruffle his hair, and strands of yours whip back.

You peek up at him shyly, unable to look away.

You see Tobirama’s arm come forward, and the next thing you know, his hand is nearing your face, and your heart thuds so loudly in your ears that you hear ringing. Every muscle in your body screams to run, but your feet are planted into the ground, as if the tree in front of you caged your ankles with its roots.

Then the moment is over as Tobirama plucks a leaf from your hair.

“Any questions?” Tobirama says in a hushed tone, as if he will disturb the sleeping creatures in the forest.

“No,” you almost stammer, but at the last second, you get ahold of yourself.

Tobirama’s eyes pore over your forehead, and then your eyes. He stares a little longer, and when you catch him looking, he nods and he walks away from you.

You try your best not to call him back and ask him what he just did.

Nothing is making sense anymore.

Tobirama is not normally someone who dreads many things, but right now, he finds that he is dreading the due date of the curriculum. He knows that so many eyes are going to be watching the Academy’s growth and its new step forward to raising good shinobi, including the other hidden villages, and for once, that is not at the forefront of his mind and it is irking him.

He is thinking about you and how much effect you have on him. He thinks about you all the time and it drives him up the wall. You are always egging him on and forcing him to feel new things, and when you show that you genuinely care, Tobirama is not sure how to handle that. You are something else, and words are not enough to describe you.

No words are enough, and yet, when he looks at you, when he hears your voice, when he senses your presence and catches your scent, a hundred words run through his mind and it is fighting to burst through his lips. Mostly they are insults, but still. The best part is that you do not take those seriously and you are quick to respond.

Most of all, he is also thinking about the role you will be playing in the Academy. It will be a huge public event, and through his many talks with his brother, it is looking like other hidden villages are reaching out to Konoha because they also want the same thing for their shinobi.

It makes his head hurt, and he knows there are more pressing matters to attend to than just this stupid ache in his chest.

It is ridiculous.

He is a hypocrite.

However, he is not Senju Tobirama for nothing. He has been in war for a long time. He knows how to prioritize and push down his boiling emotions. He is the most logical man around here, and his brain is what is needed. His mind has never failed him.

Never. Not once.

He does not want to fail you either, but it looks like he will have to.

It pains him to even think about the disappointment and hurt that your face will display, and it is because he will be the one to put it there.

He still believes that he is still doing the right thing.

He rubs his temples with his thumb and fingers, chiding himself. This will pass, just like the seasons. This is just a mere infatuation. A curious attraction to the unknown. He is a human being after all, these are things his body reacts to and are just out of his control. The sooner he accepts that, the easier this will get.

It will pass, and it will all be over soon.

You are halfway up the tree, when you are free-falling and hurtling towards the ground with a sickening speed that makes your mind numb and your stomach fly out of your body. You squeeze your eyes shut to accept your fate, you have had worse injuries before. You can probably manage. Broken bones heal.

You refuse to let out a shriek, but before you crack open your head on the forest floor, you crash into a hard board with arms that envelopes you and catches you. Suddenly, you are dropped into the ground unceremoniously and you yelp ungracefully, muttering a string of curses.

You glare at the person who caught you, but when you find Tobirama’s face, your eyes widen.

You are a second too late, but you have to keep up appearances.

“Ow! What the hell?!” You cry out dramatically, clutching your head. You shrink away from him, exaggerating your pain. “That fucking hurt, you snowman-borne oaf!”

Tobirama’s face twitches, but he settles for an eye roll. “Really?”

You peer up at him, and you grin. “Do you feel bad yet?”

Tobirama scoffs. “Do you feel shame yet?”

“You know me,” you smirk, and you catch his thighs to help yourself up.

“Stop that!” Tobirama hisses. He grabs your arms instead and pries you off of him.

“Calm down, I knew you weren’t going to offer your hand to help me up like a gentleman,” you brush the dirt from your clothes.

Tobirama stares at you, incredulous. “Well, I wasn’t going to hold hands with a stranger.”

You fake your hurt and put a hand on your chest. “Tobirama, I am no stranger! We’re friends, remember?”

Tobirama’s expression withers. “That’s a little much. I thought we decided on co-workers.”

“Partners!”

“Hell no.”

You pout and Tobirama smirks.

“A running start towards the tree will help you,” Tobirama suggests, studying the trunk of the tall tree you were just climbing. “Impressive, given that this is a day’s work of progress.”

Caught off-guard, you smile shyly. “Well, a competition with you is not something I would want to miss.”

“I’m going to win,” Tobirama brags confidently. “You know that already.”

“Give this woman a chance, Tobirama, she’ll make you run for your money.”

Tobirama raises his eyebrows. “You have some guts to say that to me.”

You elbow him. “I think that you lack people who tell you the truth. You are not all that impressive.”

“Liar,” Tobirama immediately says. He spares you a knowing look.

You look away, trying not to blush. “Yeah, yeah. I lie a lot. You should expect that already.”

Tobirama nods, and he seems to be thinking about what he is about to say. You turn to him expectantly, and it catches him off-guard.

“You told me the truth when it counted,” Tobirama murmurs after a while.

You frown, trying to remember what he is talking about.

Tobirama is acting really weird and you cannot find a reason why.

“Let’s cross swords,” Tobirama proposes suddenly.

Your neck is seriously going to break if you keep whipping your head towards him. “What?”

“I said, let’s cross our swords,” he grits out. “A match or several. With swords.”

Tobirama keeps emphasizing each word, and you want to laugh if it was not for his very grim face. What is wrong with him?

This is the first time you have heard someone challenge you like this. It sounds so official, and not at all barbaric.

“Okay,” you acquiesce, uncertain.

Tobirama nods and he gestures towards a path leading back into the village. He takes very long strides, and you jog towards him to catch up and walk by his side. You keep glancing at him, but he reveals nothing except the pink tint of his ears.

Instead of bokkens, Tobirama opts to stick with real blades and you are starting to wonder whether he has a plan to kill you today. You cannot help jumping into that conclusion because Tobirama has been acting really strange around you. One moment, he is serious and scolding, the next, he seems to make allowances for your jokes and even participates in a banter.

Maybe this is what makes him truly dangerous. He is unpredictable in his own right.

Well, a match is not only defined by skills and strength. Sometimes you have to poke where it hurts the most before the actual fight.

And it seems like Tobirama also knows this.

The two of you stare each other down, one hand on your respective swords, ready to draw it. You observe the clean lines of Tobirama’s form, and you see him do the same with you.

At the same time, the two of you brandish your blades and you both hold it in front of you. The blades sing, and you bend your knees lower.

Tobirama watches the expression on your face change, revealing nothing.

He charges first, gaining his advantage to be on the offensive.

Tobirama’s strength is greater than yours and you know that you will not be able to take the brunt of his attack with a simple block, so you step forward and to the side to kill his momentum, and you strike down his sword towards the ground.

At the same time, you aim a back kick towards his chest.

Tobirama jumps back, and lunges his blade towards you, but you are quick to duck down and parry his blade.

You slash and he meets your sword, and the two of you size each other up again between the cross of your swords.

He pushes on you downwards, hard and with purpose. You let him, making him lean all his weight down. Your back arcs slightly, and when you feel that he is pushing you with more strength, you sweep your blade to the side and he follows it.

You get away from him, and when you turn back to him, your blade follows, swinging towards him.

Your blades connect, and they make several arcs in the air, before you are able to get behind him and aim an attack behind him. Tobirama immediately steps around you, the front of his body facing the side, and with his sword horizontal and level with his temple.

You regard him, one hand on the hilt of your sword and in front of your body. Tobirama advances, and you slide to your knees, slamming the flat of your blade behind his knees as you pass him by. You get back to your feet, not wasting time to follow it up. Tobirama is slightly bending his knees from the impact, and you quickly swing up and around him, wrapping your body around his, and with your weight and momentum from the swing, you push Tobirama to the ground, and with a flip of your hilt, you align the sharp edge of your blade against the side of his neck. Your palm holds the edge of your hilt, ready to strike him.

Tobirama immediately puts his sword up, pressing it on the side of your neck as well.

“So?” You ask him. You lean forward towards his face. If he chooses to strike you, he will have no room.

There is a storm in Tobirama’s eyes, but they are not angry. He looks alive.

“Your win,” Tobirama calmly says. His pulse on his neck betrays him as it thrums against your blade.

For a second, you are tempted to lean down even closer.

Tobirama seems to have predicted that because he holds his breath.

Nothing happens.

“I see.” You get off of him and sheath your blade back into its scabbard.

You help Tobirama up to his feet, and then he holds his scabbard to slide his sword in it.

"How did you learn how to fight?" Tobirama inquires.

You shrug. "I'd be lying if I said I learned it on my own...but well." You grin. "I was something of a thug, so I learned through fighting rings."

Tobirama does not seem to look shocked at this. "Like for money?"

"Yeah, they bet and stuff. For entertainment." You purse your lips, making sure to guard your tone. "There was this feudal lord's son who knew how to fight. I learned under him for a while…"

Tobirama glances at you with an open look.

You sigh, trying to control the shaking of your voice as you say, "He was not all that good. One thing led to another, and when he pushed me into a corner, I killed him to get away."

You grow quiet at your confession. You surprise yourself that you would reveal this to Tobirama, but you know that he is not the kind of man to run his mouth.

The only thing you worry about is how he will choose to use this information on you.

Like you said. You are diving into the unknown whenever you are with Tobirama.

Tobirama, for once, does not look judgemental. He seems to understand where you are coming from.

"It was not your fault," Tobirama quietly reassured.

You stare at him, bewildered. This is the first time you have heard those words. The world always seems to condemn you, but Tobirama, who you expect to judge you the most, seems to accept what you have done.

You swallow to control the tears that are pricking your eyes.

You let out an uneasy chuckle.

"So, how about that race?"

Tobirama seems disappointed that you are going back to your own home, but your week at the Senju household is over, and you must go back to your own space. Throughout the week, Tobirama constantly challenges you, whether it is about sword fighting, general sparring, more tedious studying, target practice with his students and racing through trees.

You have gotten a lot better, even though you still stumble and fall at times, but you are better than the person you were at the beginning of summer.

Tobirama stands by the gate of his house, his arms folded as you face him.

"Don’t worry. I'll still be a pain in your ass tomorrow when I see you."

"I am looking forward to it, then," Tobirama replies.

You nod and you gather up the courage to say your next words. You stare at your feet first and then, you take a deep breath.

"Thanks," you tell him nervously. You pause awkwardly. "For everything."

Tobirama slowly nods. "Sure."

"I'm going, then."

Tobirama watches you as you walk away from him, and he walks the opposite way, towards the Hokage's office, towards his brother, where he must attend to his duties.

You walk towards your home, thinking about the small moments that had transpired between you and Tobirama and you find that you are examining each one, and exploring what you feel towards them. You are surprised to find that you do not find yourself running away from it, expecting danger to catch up with you. Sure, Tobirama can be confusing, and he is truly a bastard, but you like spending time with him.

You will never admit it, but he is actually quite kind. Just saying it in your head makes you want to cringe, but you do not want to lie to yourself anymore.

You see your place ahead, but it looks different today. There are things littering the grounds, a mattress, some clothes, and you see the owner of the building toss out more things, and it slowly dawns to you that they are yours .

You gasp, horrified at the sight and you run towards the owner.

“Hey, what the hell?!” You shout. “What is this?!”

The owner glares at you. “You missed the due date for the bills.”

“What?” Your throat tightens as you see your own things in disarray on the ground.

The owner throws down the books that Tobirama has given you and you are quick to bend down and pick them up again.

“Couldn’t you give me some time? I know I can pay!” You cry out, clutching the books to your chest. “Please.”

The owner folds their arms. “And I can make it rain tomorrow.” They turn away. “Find some place else. You are evicted.”

“Wait!” You desperately. “Please!”

The owner turns to give you an exasperated look. “Are you really an adult? Even an orphan child can fare better than you.”

“But I’m a shinobi and I was incapacitated!”

“You should have paid ahead then!”

Hurt strucks your heart and you try to fight the tears that are coming.

“Wait,” you whisper after the owner helplessly. Your chest feels tight, and inside, your heart drops to your stomach. You focus on getting breaths in, but it is harder to take in air when you are trying to hold your tears back.

“Shit,” you murmur to yourself as you bend down to get your things. You lay out a blanket to the ground to dump your clothes and your necessities into one big pile. “Shit…”

A few people pass by, and they gawk at you as you scramble to get your life together. You hate their sorry looks, and it is so humiliating to be seen like this, crawling and collecting your possessions on the ground.

You laugh bitterly to yourself. Why did you ever think that you could live on your own and manage to hold a place in society? What is the point in all of this?

You wipe a stray tear away and tighten the knot over your blanket. You heave it up and swing it over your shoulder. A headache tears through one temple to the next, but you grit your teeth.

You loathe the idea of it, but you know that it is time to go back. He is the only one who can help you. He has offered you a place, and you will now take it.

So you go back to Madara, under his wing and his shadow.

Your steps are slow, still processing what just happened to you. You make it to the Uchiha compound by nightfall, and you keep going, ignoring the eyes watching your sorry parade. Madara slides his door open to welcome you, his black eyes as dark as the night. He does not seem surprised. He steps aside to let you in, and you drop your things on the floor, like some sort of surrender.

Madara’s hand slowly comes up to the side of your face, as if he will startle you. His touch is comforting and gentle, but it reminds you too much of your beginning with him, and you feel like you have ran in circles and still ended up in the same place. You feel like nothing has changed. You are still that person Madara found in the woods, soaked in blood, the nickname Man-Killer uttered by all the cold, dead bodies surrounding you.

“Welcome home,” he greets you.

Your eyes swim, and tears fall from your eyes, but it is not from relief. You are frustrated at yourself for letting this happen.

“It’s alright,” Madara admonishes and you come forward into his embrace. “It’s alright.”

His hand comes up to the back of your head.

“You are home.”

[CHAPTER NINE >>>]

#angelica writes #avversiera writes #Tobirama Senju #Senju Tobirama #senju tobirama x reader #tobirama x reader #tobirama x you #senju tobirama x you #tobirama x y/n #naruto fanfiction #'til death do us part

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dramaticviolincrescendo · 4 years

Text

(How to Break the) Alibi Armistice

So, @gallavictorious and I were talking about the logistic problems with Mickey and Terry (a) wanting to brutally murder one other and (b) frequenting the same places. (Read: The Alibi Room.) Could be sorted by Terry just going the hell away, of course, but where's the fun in that? (Okay, sure, there's some fun in Mickey murdering the shit out of Terry, but that's such a simplistic solution and we're sophisticated women. Also, you can only kill him once, but you can make his life miserable forever.)

Anyway. We're thinking it might go down a little like this:

The first time they see Terry after the wedding is at the Alibi. He isn’t alone, but he’s the only one that matters considering the whole burning-down-their-venue debacle. And yeah, they could probably have played it cool, ignored him — not like he’d do something with a whole bar full of witnesses, right? But Ian still suggests they go home or come back later, which Mickey is not having.

“I’ve been drinking here since I was fourteen. I’m not fucking leaving. He tries to start shit, I will sink his teeth so deep into that bar that he’ll be shitting splinters for weeks.”

So that’s that.

Mickey heads to the bar, but before he can order, Terry does indeed step in to start shit. Mickey doesn’t really pay attention to what he says — something about not serving pansies here or whatever the fuck. He’s too busy cataloguing the various ways he can get Terry alone for a few minutes in the alley before Ian wises up. Then he realizes that oh, they’re already in each other’s faces and oh, they’ve got each other by the collar. The fuck did that happen?

Things would have turned bloody then – which would have suited Mickey just fine – had Kev not stepped in and calmly declared that if either of them started whaling on the other, they'd both be banned from the bar. Forever.

That actually gives them pause. The Alibi's a shit hole, but it's their shit hole and has been for a long time.

Terry's blood-shot eyes turn from Mickey to Kev; the malevolence remains. “You try to stop me from coming here, I'll come back with a goddamn flame-thrower.”

If Kev is unnerved, he doesn't show it. “I don't wanna stop anybody from coming here. But if you do, you have to play nice. No murdering each other. No violence.”

And of course, Mickey is far from amused because, “You came to our fucking wedding, but you won't take sides when the asshole who tried to murder us picks a fight?” Deep down, though, he gets it. The Alibi Room has always been neutral ground. Besides, it's not like Terry's fucking joking about burning the thing down, so. It is what it is.

And maybe no one likes it, maybe no one is totally happy in the end, but they both reluctantly agree, to everyone else's great relief. Kev doesn't try anything as stupid as making them shake hands; he just waits until Terry has retreated to the pool table before pouring Mickey a beer and a shot and asking Ian how's work.

That’s how the truce is born.

It even lasts for a while, to the utter bafflement of everyone on the South Side, from the transplanted gentrifying assholes to the lifers. Truth be told, it’s mostly due to neither party having much opportunity, or reason, to break the rules. When Ian and Mickey are at the Alibi, Terry generally isn’t; they assume that he visits during their longer stints drinking at home when the money is tighter and Kev less free with the booze.

Sometimes, Ian will see him there when he stops in on his own, and they ignore each other like they always have whenever Terry isn’t suspecting Ian of sleeping with one of his kids—or catching him at it. Other times, Mickey’s the one who spots him, but Terry doesn’t seem very interested in forcing a confrontation when Mickey’s husband isn’t standing beside him like the tallest, orangest fucking pride flag in Chicago. Doesn’t mean Mickey isn’t occasionally tempted to stick his foot up the bastard’s ass, but Kev always manages to shoot him a glance in silent reminder and he grudgingly downs his glass before hightailing it out every time.

It works. They drink, and nobody leaves in a body bag. All in all, the ceasefire is a success: Kev gets to run his business in peace, and while nobody really wins, nobody really loses either.

At least not until peace gets boring as hell.

It happens on a Thursday, and the evening starts off just like any other night they've managed to ditch their responsibilities at the house: they meet up at the Alibi after work for drinks and a chance to be just Ian and Mickey rather than uncles/brothers/responsible adults. Like any other night, they're talking and laughing and Ian has one beer, Mickey three.

It's not very exciting, maybe, but it's theirs and it's nice – until Terry steps through the door with Uncle Ronnie in tow. It takes the evil fucker all of two seconds to spot Mickey, then spot his husband too, seated in one of the booths at the far side of the room. For a moment, father and son simply stare at each other, and had anyone else dared to look for more than the briefest of moments, they'd have seen the cold rage slowly give way to cunning malevolence on Terry's face. He doesn't say anything; he orders a beer and heads straight for the pool table and tells Uncle Ronnie to rack up.

And then Terry starts talking. Keeping his eyes on the game, on Uncle Ronnie, on anything that isn't Ian and Mickey—he talks, loudly and at length, of what he did to this queer and that, in prison and outside.

These...are not nice stories. Not very detailed, true, but...yeah. They're not nice.

There's a hush growing in the bar, as patron after patron falls silent, and their eyes dart between the foulmouthed man by the pool table and his son, still and stone-faced at a table nearby. Behind the counter, Kev stands frozen in the process of wiping down a foggy glass, watching and waiting to see if he should grab the broom now or later.

“He's just trying to provoke you,” Ian says urgently, and his voice is almost steady in spite of it taking damn near everything he has not to get up and run Terry through with the damn cue stick. “He wants you to go for him. Break the truce, get barred.”

His eyes are on Mickey's face, intent and ready to jump into action the second Mickey makes his move.

“Yeah, I know.”

And here's the thing: Mickey sounds calm. This doesn't reassure Ian, because Mickey calm sometimes just means him taking a second to savor the fact that he's about to unleash absolute hell, but then Mickey shifts his gaze from his utter asshole of a father and to Ian. There's a small smile on his lips; it's a sharp thing, true, but a smile all the same. “He wants fucking queer? We'll give him fucking queer.” And he reaches out for Ian and pulls him into a long, hard kiss.

It takes a second for Ian’s brain to reboot enough to break away, hissing, “In front of your dad?!”

“The fuck’s it look like?”

“He’s gonna kill you. Then I’ll be a widower for three seconds until he kills me.”

Mickey’s eyebrows don’t slam into his hairline, but it’s a near miss. “What, are you scared, Gallagher?”

Ian…isn’t. He used to be scared of Terry back when they were kids and he was this dark, shadowy figure who could make Mickey do whatever he wanted simply by virtue of being his father. But they are past that. Terry, like Frank, is old. Terry, like Frank, doesn’t have any power over his kids now. Terry is a blot on their past, but he has no bearing on their future.

Which is exactly what Mickey’s getting at.

So Ian shrugs and Mickey nods like he did at the docks, not having to say uh huh, that’s what I thought.

And he leans back in because hey, if Terry does kill them, at least they’ll make it worth the trouble.

It’s a little awkward, what with the table between them, but they have long been pros at not being kept apart. Leaning over the table, Ian cradles the back of Mickey’s head; Mickey’s hand is on Ian’s neck and the other on his upper arm, clutching at the fabric of his jacket. There's nothing chaste about this, nothing sweet. It's desire and defiance, lips and tongues and teeth, Mickey's fingers digging into Ian's arm, Ian's twisting in Mickey's hair as he pulls him closer, closer, closer.

(It's another thing Ian blames and hates Terry for. Mickey loves to kiss, loves being kissed, and yet he wouldn't allow it, not for their first year and not for much of their second. No matter how often they stop for a playful peck or something more serious and passionate now, they'll never make up for those lost years and all the kisses they should have shared then.

They sure as hell can try, though.)

It goes on and on. The initial frustration shifts into something softer and more real as any thought of Terry – or anyone – fades and becomes a faraway thing. There is Mickey and there is Ian, and the taste and the smell and feel of the other, and they've done this a thousands times and yet –

And yet.

And yet it takes a distant vibration and the sound of glass on wood before they hear Kev clear his throat. “Uh, he’s gone. Been gone for ten minutes.”

Mickey pulls back first and leans over to see past Ian’s shoulder that yeah, Terry’s gone. Nobody appears to be talking about him or them either, so Kev probably isn’t exaggerating about how long they’ve obliviously been at it, especially considering he’s got that dumb smirk on and won’t meet their gazes as he turns back towards the bar.

And speaking of dumb, Ian is still staring at him like he did after their first kiss, all gooey and gross as if they haven’t done this so often that none of the Gallaghers even complain anymore. Jesus. Leave it to Ian not to have learned how to play shit cool after all these years.

But what can a guy do when Mickey’s husband is watching him like he farts rainbows, and like he doesn’t give a shit about why they’d attacked each other’s faces in the first place? Mickey doesn’t blame him; he’s having a hard time remembering too right now.

He dives back in, because why not? Their ceasefire says no violence, so (almost) any and all displays of affection are well within the rules. He puts his hand on the side of Ian’s neck where it’s always fit best and reels Ian in, despite how much easier it would’ve been to get on his side of the booth this time.

“Thought this was about your dad,” Ian mutters into his lips because of course he can’t shut his mouth to save his life.

Mickey shrugs - “Fuck ‘im” - and gives him something better to do with that mouth.

#shameless us #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #gallavich #meta ficlet #terry milkovich #kevin ball #this has been a Kee and Noelle production

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laufire · 4 years

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Supernatural s3

It’s so unfair that the season that has Ruby AND Bela is so short :(((. I was done with it waaaay too quickly, and now I’m speed running through s4 xD (which, like the first time around, is Strong Mixed Feelings territory).

-My girl Ruby!!!! I was so happy to have her back, I kept grinning like a loon every time she was on screen. It’s quite interesting watching the 1.0 and 2.0 versions so close to each other, instead of as they air. I have... Thoughts, on whether Ruby as a double agent was something planned or that they decided as they went, but that’s for the s4 post. s3!Ruby really doesn’t come across as one (“I don’t believe in the devil” oh I wish sometimes xD, I love my nonbelievers), imo, but the beauty of such a device is that you can rationalize anything she does as devious if you want to xD

And it goes without saying that I love her interactions with Sam. THIS SHIP ISTG. I love how immediately ~attuned to her he is lol, his present and instinctive concern for her even if he tries to mask his interest as “practical”. And all the repeated times Sam’s conflicted between her and Dean -like when he deviates Dean shot (wasting one of the Colt’s bullets lmfao) or during the argument about the virgin sacrifice xD. And the “that’s my boy”/ “little fallen angel on your shoulder” quotes!!! Ruby 1.0 deserved to be railed by Sam too, smh.

My favourite episode of hers is “Jus in Bello” (which would be my fave of the season just by virtue of having both Bela and Ruby in the same episode lol. Not interacting, of course, the world as we know it wouldn’t have survived). I just love that she gets that final moment of I TOLD YOU SO to the brothers xD. I really like how she expands on the demonic lore of the show- I love, LOVE the detail about how all demons used to be humans, how they’re souls corrupted in hell. And that in her past life she was a witch (there was this really good fic in Spanish fandom about it... I need to hunt it down).

BTW, though I think her interactions with Dean in that episode are interesting, it really hammers home how much I hate him sometimes xD. Can you stop saying misogynistic slurs for TWO GODDAMN MINUTES, DEAN (and as we know from as early as this season, only HE can have demon/monster friends!! What a fucking hypocrite xD). I freaking love the moment in the finale when she viciously yells him about how she wishes she could see him in hell lmao (and how it foreshadows that when she shows sympathy later, it’s actually Lilith in disguise lmfao). I hate Dean gets the last word in their dynamic, tbqh. Until the s15 cameo, at least xDD

One thing that’s been bothering me xD: the French fries. Demons are vulnerable to salt, like other spirits, right? (and hey, look what a nice piece of foreshadowing that was). How does that translate to food lol. Because Ruby adores French fries, and they obviously contain salt. It’s like spicy food for humans? Or like pineapple? Inquiring minds etc. xD

-I still cannot believe Bela Talbot was only on the show for six episodes lmao. Her presence still lingers in the watchers’ heads so much?? Which is understandable because she’s Lead Girl Material if there was ever any lol. The care with which they styled her even?? You don’t do that for just any character lmao (I mean, just look at most of SPN’s female characters for comparison xD).

Her ship with Dean could’ve really been something, too -even if I hate Dean in it, I can’t deny it packs a punch, narrative-wise. I mean, the Batcat undertones alone!! The fake married undercover shenanigans!! And I think it’s really interesting that she’s such a blind spot for him; Dean’s unusually intuitive about people, but with Bela he takes everything at face value and she can fool him like no other (while, OTOH, is Sam who questions her facade and wants to see more). If he hadn’t been such an idiot (and such an asshole) he could’ve had a really powerful ship. Sucks to be him lol.

Anyway. Man, I love her. So much. I love how Gordon’s threats to kill her don’t work on her, and I love that the show basically said “Bela killing her abusive parents is good, actually” (I’m so tired of forgiveness narratives, you guys. This entire show is founded on revenge, so let me get my revenge fantasies in peace!!) xDD. And I love, LOVE that she withheld that truth from Dean, that she decided he wasn’t worth it. OTOH, you know, fuck the fans that got her written out, definitely; but on the other, I do love how her story ended (and that it was a clear "fuck you" to shitty fans). Doesn’t stop me for wanting to read and re-read (and maybe write!) even more “Bela escapes hell” fix-its, but still.

Also, very important question: what happened to her cat?? It’s the cat alright?? I’m going to headcanon that she left them with that cougar friend of hers lol.

-So. THE DEAL. Okay. Oof. I love this storyline, a lot. A loooot. I love the conflict it creates between the brothers (as long as there’s still conflict and Sam hasn’t yet started taking everything lying down I can enjoy that part of their narrative lol). I love Dean’s initial forced giddiness about “making the most out of his last year” and I love the moment Dean decides he does want to try to live because it makes the last few episodes all the most desperate and cruel (and hey, I’ve heard he only went to hell because the season was cut short due to a writers’ strike... if that’s true that’s so funny lmao).

My absolutely favourite part however? That you can FEEL Dean’s unvoiced resentment towards Sam. For Dean having to die for him, even if Sam never asked him to. He lashes out to Sam repeatedly through the season, but it really came to ahead in the dreamspace episode, where Dean confronts another version of himself that talks about how Sam was “dotted on” (the revisionism asldfkaf). This show is absolutely ruthless when it comes to showing you its characters’ ugly, unfair reactions to things and it’s my favourite thing evah.

Speaking of the dreamspace episode, OMFG. I loved both brothers there. Dean’s hallucination, seeing himself as a demon? And how he let out his anger about John?? Beautiful, truly (regarding John, I also loved their different reactions when it looked like his spirit had contacted them: Dean jumping on it and Sam detached skepticism). But my favourite part has to be when Sam uses the villain’s abusive father against him. Like. Damn. That was cold-blooded o.0

The second-to-last episode, when Sam tracked down that Frankenstein doctor to try and make Dean immortal was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING OMG. I loved that. I love that Sam wanted to use it for both them. It was some scary shit. I also love the scene where the crossroads demon questions whether Sam really wants to break the deal, I’m gathering it’s going to be nice foreshadowing later on in the show lol.

Anyway. I also found Dean’s death scene more impactful than Sam’s. Partially because of the horror of it, but mostly because I think at this type of scenes, Padalecki is better. Sam’s grief felt more real, Dean’s got me out of the scene (it’s the voice, I think. Sometimes Ackles’ voice takes me out of scenes, it sounds... forced).

I also really enjoyed how the time loop episode wrapped around this subplot. It managed to be both heartbreaking and mind-numbly hilarious lmfao. Like?? All the deaths?? Were so pathetic?? I tip my hat to Ackles because I don’t think most actors could carry plots like this half as well lmfao.

Sidenote, it’s always a trip to see The Trickster God knowing that fucker is Gabriel. Archangel “hey Mary do you accept God knocking you up” Gabriel. Which I guess isn’t exactly a thing in this show?? Since according to the wikia SPN Jesus was “just a man” (and let me tell you, I’m tickled pink by the fact that out of ALL mythological figures, specifically all CHRISTIAN mythological figures, the show decided to go “nah” on Jesus Christ. I mean, I guess he’d take away from Dean’s, Sam’s and Castiel’s resurrection narratives, but still. It’s so funny!!).

-Gordon Walker remains a superbly acted and fascinating character with extra racist nonsense alsdkfjasdf. But I can’t deny I loved seeing him as a vampire. He was terrifying. And I’m definitely shipping him with Kubrick, ouch xD

-The Ghostfacers episode is... something. As in, incredibly exploitative and homophobic and with an egregious case of BYG (and the first where I’d say it’s incontestable to claim the trope was used. s1 and s2 are muddy territory given the circumstances, IMO, but this one is 300% BYG), but so successfully manipulative my heart hurt for Corbett and Corbett x Ed still. Fuck them for that ngl. I do still enjoy how anti-Winchesters they all are though xD

-3x01 introduces the one nice marriage of hunters so far, between a black couple. The man dies in a gross, horrifying way within the episode ofc (because he was Mean to the the brothers duh). She makes it out alive, and since she doesn’t reappear in the show she gets to live. So for now black women have a sliiiiiightly better track record in SPN than track guys there: they get to appear in a few more episodes and be more fleshed out (Victor, Gordon), but as long as they’re only in one episode they get to live!! (Cassie, Tamara).

-Rufus and Bobby are exes, right? Right?? Probably still married in some state? You know that post about how when gay marriage was legalized across the USA there were a lot of issues because some couples had split and never bothered to divorce, since it was only legal in one place? That post was made for them. Pity Rufus is a black man, and as such has a limited number of allowed appearances before he’s killed off ¬¬

-I would’ve enjoyed Dean’s moments with Lisa and Ben more (it’s just so RIGHT that in this moment he’d want Ben to be his) if my knowledge of future spoilers didn’t perpetually have me in a state of “pls keep this guy away from kids” lol.

-They had Harmony’s actress (BTVS) and they made her a vampire!! The show’s hard on for the Buffyverse is a bit of a hit and miss but I can’t say I don’t relate xDD.

-I know Jensen Ackles can sing (in fact thanks to youtube I know a few of the actors can... is there a musical episode. Does this show have its own OMWF. I need to know). So why. WHY. Does he sound like that during “Dead or Alive”??? I actually like the scene but he sounds so off-key lmao.

-BTW, I found out that apparently Katie Cassidy and Lauren Cohan originally auditioned for each other’s roles añslkdfjasf. I can’t picture it. Ruby 1.0 is Ruby 1.0 and Bela is Bela xD. Although I’ve seen each playing roles that could meld with the other, just. Nope. Good choice on the casting there lol.

#talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #supernatural #spnruby #samruby #bela talbot #deanbela #deanruby #sam winchester #dean winchester #gordon walker #ruby 1.0 #spn gabriel #ghostfacers #alan corbett #bobby x rufus #spn s3 #the winchesters get to have a tag I GUESS

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redxblueihateloveyou · 4 years

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Actually for me it's pretty weird that the most popular ship in Free! is Makoharu. I mean, they give me like zero romantic vibes, if not Rinharu I would've definitely shipped Sourin. It's the main reason I hated Sousuke when I watched 2nd season for the first time - I saw him as a threat for Rinharu (now I just don't like him that much, but I decided to let Rin has his best friend, lol). Maybe it's just me loving rivals to lovers :)

Well.. for me Free! was never that kind of anime where there are other ships, but honestly after several years of watching anime and lately discovering that people ship Wei Wuxian with Jiang Cheng I kinda lost my faith in people lol And yes, I also truly don’t get those ships, where there are zero romantic vibes, but I got used to seeing this already.

I think I’ve talked about Makoharu only once, I usually don’t do it cause as a ship it’s so illogical to me that I just don’t see the point of wasting time on this lol I feel like it’s gonna be long answer so I’ll split it and after “***” I’ll talk about my bro-rinharu-shipper Sousuke.

I’m not gonna throw a debate if it’s the most popular ship or not, but I just want to say that I don’t think that it's really called shipping Makoto and Haru, since firstly, let’s talk about Makoto as a character (which is the main problem in this whole thing tbh) cause from what I saw the Makoto the MH fandom created has nothing to do with the real Makoto. Like the dude is scared of dogs, ghosts, bees, water and I forgot what else; covers his eyes when he sees anyone even in swim trunks and gets embarrassed easier than a nun (apparently you can’t even unbutton the collar of your freaking jacket!!!!!!!!!!! oh lord!!!!!!); crumbles under everyone in this anime including Hiyori and can’t even talk back.

And suddenly like half of this fandom thinks that Makoto is a dominant top apparently. We seriously laughed our asses off seeing that, I mean even my mom (who’s a teacher btw). I’m like... I have a sister who’s majored in psychology and I myself in literature (like I seriously promise we ain’t stupid) and we just seriously don’t understand.. In what Tarzan’s ass does he suit this description? Dude can’t even answer properly while being offended. Like maybe they like Makoto’s twin brother? Because real Makoto does not have any dangerous dark side, seriously, this ain’t “8 dogs of the east” lmao.

I appreciate their friendship at times, but I never was a fan of him, because I don’t really like people who treat everyone equally (friends and strangers) and think that some asshole deserves as much love as the closest friend. I just don’t understand this life position and don’t like those “world peace” guys anyway. I mean, that fish died moment in the books was when my brain died honestly. Like I get it, dude is sensitive, but... seriously?

And for me being kind is not really a personality. I mean, hell, sometimes it’s no good to be kind. There is a fine line between being kind and being a mop you know.

And sometimes his behavior is really cringy to me. Like during the funeral and during Haru passing out in the book and during many things that are very serious. I just don’t think he’s the person you can rely on at times. I mean at first I thought he’s a steady shoulder, but somehow in all serious situations he doesn’t do anything useful.

Like I might be in the minority here, but to me when you know very well that you panic in the ocean you don’t go there trying to save somebody, it’s not brave, it’s just plain stupid (like it’s not like the tent was far, it was fucking next to him, all he had to do is wake up a pro) so by the end we had to rescue two instead of one, just because he’s dumb af.

He also panics a lot which I really hate on people. I’m sorry but like panicking ppl are the only worst. It reminds me of one of my life situation when my sister was badly hurt and we needed to keep our heads cool to act quickly and do what was necessary asap. And I’ve seen ppl behave like Makoto in situations like this and man it’s seriously no fun, it’s annoying. Like when you need to help somebody and someone panics beside you it pisses you off. And he does it even in little things like when he yelled Haru in the ear while driving JUST BECAUSE A CAR IN FRONT OF THEM BRAKED I mean omfg I would seriously yell “shut the fuck up, you pussy!”

And it all honestly keeps getting worse and worse like the way he’s written, his behavior just buffles me so much. Makoto in s3 just murdered me tbh. Like he didn’t help with anything, he didn’t bring anything to the plot, you can just erase him, he only sat there anyways. And the way they pulled his “dream” out of his ass was just a second-hand embarrassment tbh. And he’s not even Haru’s emotional support anymore. He’s just... I don’t get it. There were literally scenes where he was third-wheeling or just forced into that looked laughable.

Which brings me to the second point. From what I saw many of Makoharu fans are mostly Makoto fans, so they just want what’s good for him, and since he has no life goals whatsoever (like after he dropped his “I dream of making children like swimming” thingy like a hot potato and was like “training children.. but look at Rin and Haru” I really lost my last marbles watching him) they apparently don’t care for what Haru’s dream is and that he said openly that he wants a future with Rin.

Like I get that everyone has their tastes, but like what.. two people who are crazy about each other since twelve and blossomed a dream of having a future together and the thought of being with each other got them through and they finally have what they wanted.. this is not a trend anymore? Mutual romantic love is not a trend anymore? Like I even without novelization can see that (and I quote Rin word for word here) that “every time he sees Haru his heart beats so fast he can’t calm down” and quote “Haru sees Rin and he’s shaking, he closes his eyes desperately trying get rid of the image, but the pain in his chest doesn’t go away”.

I am personally very happy that Rinharu are finally together and will be doing what they wanted in their life by each other’s side, cause they’ve been dreaming about it for too long, they’ve been thinking about it for years. So not wanting them to have that is very weird for me. And the argument that Makoto somehow better than Rin for Haru is so invalid, I always laugh. I guess it depends on what you want for yourself. But honestly like you guys better find someone who make you want to reach for the stars and make you heart skip a bit everytime you see him.

So I as a huge fan of Haru want my boy to fly and now I have all the canon proof for those who were blind that Rin is the only one (been said) who makes him feel that way. So all those anons who kept writing to me how relay with Sosuke, with Rei and what baffled me the most swimming with Ikuya was just as emotional for them can finally shut it (lmao I’m sorry).

***

Now... Sousuke, my bro, the first Rinharu shipper on the village who helped them to get together is a threat? Okay. Well, I actually like s2, there are some dumb episodes but s2 actually to me showed how rinharu relationships are different from anyone else. There are literally two whole episodes and several scenes of how the bROMANCE prevails over BROmance.

Sousuke and Rin have typical brothers relationship. From their secret handshakes “parent trap” style to the fact that they draw them exactly the same with his real brother. I mean I don’t know if anyone noticed, but in 3x11 they drew Sousuke doing the exact same teasing move with Rin, that his older brother did to him in 3x01, and it’s definitely not a coincidence. Which means he treats him like his little bro, and not just that. I have lots of proof.

You know, I had a friend back at university who had an older brother who she was very close with and she kept telling me about how he kept testing her boyfriends if they’re good enough... I mean Sousuke was doing it with Haru since Rin has told him that he has found his one and only. And it never ever looked like he was possessive of Rin and was like “he’s mine”, it was always like “he’s yours so make sure you make him happy you loser”, he even stalked Haru to see if he still swims alright which is really funny (like okay dad), so by the end of the season when Rin lovingly looks at Haru and says it was all worth it, Sousuke looks very content like he was sure that they’re all good now.

And that moment like in Yakusoku where Rin dropped Sousuke as soon as he saw Haru, I honestly don’t think it’s the kind of jealousy people think it is. It’s like if I asked my sister “do u want to see the new avengers movie” and she’d answer “sorry, I already promised to go with my boyfriend” (not that this would ever happen, but let’s imagine that she found herself her nanase) I would be fucking upset too, but I would kinda get it (if it’s a love of her life I mean). Or like literally imagine you lived with your best friend for years and suddenly she wants to move in with he boo. I mean it happens sometimes. But it’s not the jealousy really, he’s just sad because he knows that he needs to let Rin go and he won’t spend as much time with him as he did before. Sousuke knows how much Rin loves Haru, plus after he saw that Haru is as good as Rin told him, he started to like him himself so he was worried about both of them.

And I love Sousuke, he’s our godmother. I’d rather have him on the international team than Ikuya but he sadly he doesn’t swim breaststroke or back and we only have one butterfly and one freestyle spot xD

I’m sincerely saying as a person with two siblings that I really don’t see it. It’s just there’s a huge difference between brothers and lovers. And you can’t call Harurin bros. It’s just laughable. Even if you haven’t read anything and just watched the anime.

I mean I think it’s easier to see if you try to imagine Haru in Sousuke’s place in any Sourin scene and see how it would’ve went then. Like do you remember when Sousuke asked for cola and Rin went to get one and there was only one can left so they rock-paper-scissored it and Rin won and drank it?

Now imagine if Haru was there in Sousuke’s place. I can tell you 100% that Rin would’ve just given him the can. And then he would’ve looked at him with that face he makes when he’s content just by watching Haru eat, you know.

I mean it just how I see it. And there are a lot of comparable scenes in s2 that bring me lots of evil joy, but I won’t tell lmao.

But as I said before to me there’s a huge difference between bromances and bromances. So I mostly don’t get most of these ships. I don’t understand anything in this world apparently lol but I only see Rinharu since the first time I’ve watched it, and then I’ve read everything and realized that I’m right, so I’m ok with all this xD

#answered #lissara22 #rinharu #Free!#free! road to the world #harurin #I know it looks like i hate makoto but i don't i just don't understand what to like there tbh lol #sorry not sorry #thanks for the english btw love #rin matsuoka #nanase haruka #yamazaki sousuke

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klaumiel · 4 years

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You are all I’ve got ,Austin// Chapter 3: Bennie

‘Maya, what time you said you will be there ?’ I asked, carrying mugs with coffee to the living room.

‘We didn’t agree to a specific time, later afternoon sometime. He said he will be at his place’ Maya shouted from the bedroom.

‘Don’t leave it to late, better get ready and let’s go. The faster we are done with this, the better’ I sat on the sofa sipping my coffee.

She is insane to do this, she could’ve asked him to help her with the old bike, the one dad has in the garage. Why did she have to agree to a bloody date ?!

‘I am ready, but we are not going until I talk to Austin. I promised that I won’t go without talking to him before. He should text me any minute now’ She walked to the living room. Wow! Is that my sister? She looked completely different, sharp. She straightened her hair, skinny black jeans, grey tank top with a sports bra underneath. Heavy dark makeup made her look like she isn’t messing around. ‘ Should I add red lippy? What do you think?’

‘ Well you already look sharp, I wouldn’t want to be on your bad side, but yeah I guess if you want’ I laughed

‘I need to look credible like one of them; otherwise, I can raise suspicions. I thought about shorts, but this asshole doesn’t deserve the view’ she said, putting lipstick on when her phone rang. ‘ Is Austin, she smiled and sat down on the sofa next to me looking at the phone.

She looked disconnected from her surroundings like nothing else existed apart from the guy on the other side of the phone. I sat there shitting my pants getting less and less convinced that this is s a good idea. I needed to make sure that she is focused.

‘He told me to take a knife’ She said still looking at the phone

‘Knife!? You don’t need it to pull his hair, you have pepper spray, is that not enough? Plus you are a self-defence expert you don’t need a knife.’

‘I will take a small one from the kitchen, just in case. Better safe than sorry. I promised him. Plus He knows Bennie better, he is a criminal, could be unpredictable. Few self-defence classes from dad don’t make me an expert. I can kick his ass, but if he pulls a gun on me, I need something more than pepper spray’ she said lacing her camp boots. ‘ Let’s go, I don’t want to wait any longer’ She got up from the sofa, grabbed her leather jacket and run to the kitchen to grab a knife.

Drive was long, and we were getting nowhere near the place. Maya was quiet, with nose in her phone. She was looking at the Lovelink messages

‘You will drain the battery, you will need it later. Austin will be checking if you are ok for sure and I don’t have a charger here’ She locked her screen.

‘Did you speak to Olivia recently? Did you guys managed to clear the air?’ Olivia and I broke up a few weeks before and we didn’t end it on good terms. Five years ago, we met on a dating app, I always knew that Olivia isn’t the type of woman who commits, she was always very reserved and cold. I never thought that she could just leave me, because of her career, just like that after five years, pack her bags and move to another country. We had plans to start a family, but she told me she never wanted one, she knew this was always my biggest dream. The fact that I moved on so quickly proved me she wasn’t the one.

‘No, we didn’t speak since the fight. Maybe that’s for better I don’t need her toxic attitude right now. I only wish I could have back the five years I wasted on her. I could use it for someone worth it.’

‘ True, you don’t need someone like that in your life. To bitch around all the time, if you can’t be yourself around her what’s the point. The fact that she never told you she didn't want kids was horrible. Is not like you never asked her, you’ve been planning it, and suddenly she just gets a job in Canada and moves out, without considering you or your feelings. ‘

‘Yeah… anyway I moved on. I still have time to settle down, this time with the right person. I tried that app of yours. If my sister found love there, I should give it another go.’

‘ That’s great! You need to move on. Did you met anyone interesting already?’

‘I am chatting with a few girls. One wanted me to fly to Ibiza to see her, I mean sorry but I am not that fast, she is pretty but a bit wild to my taste and looks like trouble, had to unmatch her too much like Olivia. There is one girl Angel, she seems sweet, we just started talking, so it is difficult to say where this will go, but she looks like my type. I might give it a go. I need someone gentle and peaceful after Olivia’

‘That’s amazing Shaun, peaceful is definitely someone you need. I hope it works out for you, you have a soft spot for wild girls, but quiet and sweet is what you really want. Let me know how it goes with her ‘She looked out the window, her smile dropped, and I felt the familiar worry in my chest. Something is bothering her.

‘Spill it sis, what’s bothering you?

She sighed still looking out the window ‘ Do you think that Austin and I will ever be together? Let’s say that this thing today will work, I will get Bennie’s hair, and they will accept it as evidence. What then? ‘

‘Then he will get released, and he will be free. Everything is going to be alright, you will see.’

‘ I am scared Shaun… scared that I will lose him. I know it’s insane, I never met him, never touched or looked in his eyes, never heard his voice, but I feel like I love him. Am I stupid to feel this way? To love someone I never met? ‘

‘I know you love him. I can see it every day, and I can assure you what you are feeling now is just the start. Wait until you meet. He managed to do more for you in six weeks while in prison than we did in five months. You finally started to smile again, you get up every morning ready for the day, and you stopped your meds, that’s massive progress. I feel like old Maya is back again, so be positive about it. You two will be together. I don’t know why, but I can feel it.’ I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

‘Maybe Gemma is right, maybe we don’t have a future’ She said quietly with her head down looking at her hands.

‘With all the respect, Maya but Gemma is an idiot! What she said was out of proportion, friends don’t say things like this. Plus that’s pure bullshit! I am so annoyed with her, she is acting like a child, she has no clue what you feel, never did, never cared. That girl is selfish and cares only about herself. The only thing is on her mind is dicks and money. Good looking guys so she can show off, what hotties she can pull off…Did I told you that I spoke with Greg the other day?... She is using him to get a promotion she wants your position. Greg is a smart guy; he knows what game she is playing. So don’t tell me about Gemma and being right. She doesn't know shit about anything.’ God, I hate that girl so much!

‘ I just don’t understand what is wrong with her recently, why would she said that? She is my friend. I thought that she wants me to be happy. I helped her with Greg, and now I’m feeling awful for doing it. I am not worried about my position, Gerg knows she can’t do it. But I’m worried she will lose her job because of this stupid behaviour.’

‘She is clearly not the friend you think she is. But you talk to her, see what’s her problem. And don’t believe what, she says. You and Austin have a future if you believe it, it is possible. We will get him out one way or another.’

We spent the rest of the journey in silence.

‘ We are here. I will park there so the car can’t be seen ‘ I turned off the lights, and I parked the car behind the block.

‘Ok, it’s time ‘ she took a deep breath. ‘ Don’t get out of the car no matter what, stay here. If I’m not back in half-hour call the police’, She opened the car door to get out.

‘ Sis’ I grabbed her hand, she looked at me. I could see she was scared. ‘ Kick his bastard ass, for Austin. Get the hair and get out, don’t hang around. And please be careful’ she smiled and closed the door.

There she was, walking like a badass she was. This whole Luke experience made her much stronger. One year with an abusive junkie boyfriend who would sell his mother for drugs if that was an option, but it was easier to steal from his girlfriend. She tried to help him many times and send him to rehab, but he had no intention to go. When she tried to break up with him, he wanted to kill them both driving the car into the river, she was so lucky to get out of this in one piece, he didn’t. He drowned in seconds. Maya blamed herself for his death, she thought she could do more to save him.

But as a consequence she suffered from depression for months, only a few weeks ago she stopped to take her meds. It’s such a relief to see her smile again. I really hope this whole Austin is worth her efforts and is not just playing her just to save his ass.’

I sat in the car, waiting for her. Twenty minutes later I saw her running towards the car Fuck! Is that blood? I opened the passenger door, her hand was covered in blood, and she had a cut on her forehead.

‘ What the fuck happened !? Are you hurt?! ’ I shouted passing her tissues to clean her hands

‘I have it!’ She grabbed the tissues.

‘Maya, why do you have blood on your hands? What happened !? Answer me!

‘I stabbed him’ the calm in her voice was terrifying. Why she is so calm?!

‘What you mean you stabbed him?! Maya, did you kill him!?’ At this point, I was losing my shit.

‘Shaun, focus! Start the fucking car and drive! We need to take his filthy hair to the police station! There is no time to waste… Bennie will be fine. He was so buzzed he won’t remember I was here. Just drive for fuck sake!’

‘But you stabbed him! He could be dead! This wasn’t a part of the plan! ‘ I started the car panicking.

‘ Do you really think that I could kill someone with this pussy knife? Calm down Shaun, focus on the road, we are about an hour away from the open police station, we have no time to waste.’ She started to clean her head from the blood.

‘ He smashed my head on the door I had to do something, plus I couldn’t just look at him standing there, knowing that Austin spent seven years in prison because of him. This was stronger than me. It was only a scratch he will be fine.’ She put Bennie’s hair in a small bag and put back in her pocket.

‘The most important is you have it, it will be downhill from now on.’

‘Fuck!Fuck!’ she shouted, smashing her phone on her knee ‘My funking phone is flat! I need to let Austin know I am fine.’ She was panicking

‘ They should have a charger at the station, we can ask. Is late he won't be able to read your message anyway.’ I tried to calm her down.

I drove way over the limit, just to get there as fast as possible.

Once we arrived, a police officer took Maya’s details, the hair and asked us to wait.

‘ Did you make sure they let the prison know as soon as possible?’ I asked, passing her coffee.

‘Yes, he said they already did. They took the hair to the lab to be tested, but that will take a few hours. We need to wait for a little while, I need to sign some documents, and they need to put my details in the system… I wish they had a bloody charger. I have a bad feeling Shaun, something is not right.’

They let us go around seven in the morning. Bennie’s DNA was in the lab, so there was no need for us to sit there and wait. Maya was anxious, the whole journey home. I tried to calm her down, but I knew something was wrong, we could feel it in the air.

#austin russo #austin russo fanfic #austin #lovelink fanfic #lovelink #lovelink austin

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godsporncollection · 4 years

Text

Sunday GC Sessions Summary

(long version) (personal commentary in parenthesis)

M Russell Ballard

List of how the second coming is described followed by a huge list of the very obvious things wrong with the world right now.

We pray for you.

Remember to pray. Pray lots, and for lots of people, because the leaders of the world need divine inspiration.

Quotes the lord's prayer.

Pray for everyone, even people you don't like.

(Do deaf people sign their prayers, when praying alone? What about when they pray in small, maybe family, groups?)

Prayer will help us by making feel better.

Pray everywhere you go.

Personal story of being in pain from a surgery on the hand; prayer helped the pain.

Lisa L Harkness

Story of a child jumping into a lake and feeling she needed help, even though she was safe. Sometimes we do this too, because we can't see that we are safe with god.

Biblical story of JC falling asleep in the boat that entered a storm and the disciples got scared and asked him to save them.

Recent events can leave us feeling lost and afraid, but we should have faith in god.

Ulisses Soares

Seek JC in every thought and follow him with all our heart.

Metaphor of magnet + metal object. Magnetic force holds objects tightly, but looses that power when the object is far away.

Temptation will fade when we continue to resist it.

JC told JS when in prison "let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men and women, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughths unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of god. The holy ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth."

If you fall into temptation, there is hope.

Story of friend who fell into temptation. He was sad.

Prodigal son story.

Carlos A Godoy

I believe in angels. They're important. Some are here on earth. I'm gonna talk about those.

I converted at 16, after two angels (sister missionaries) introduced me to the gospel at a church activity.

I met another angel at youth conference. Her squad became my squad.

Then I met two other angels; my seminary teacher and young men president.

"Thanks to all these angels and many others I encountered during those important early years, I received enough srength to remain on the covenant path as I gained a spiritual witness of the truth."

"Please, please do not give up on your efforts to be part of this big family. It is the true church of JC. When it comes to your happiness and salvation, it is always worth the effort to keep trying. It is worth the effort to adjust your lifestyle and traditions. The lord is aware of the challenges you face. He knows you, he loves you, and I promise he will send angels to help you."

Neil L Andersen

Jc's resume.

"A recent study revealed that in the last 10 years, 30 million people in the US have stepped away from believing in the divinity of JC. Looking worldwide, another study predicts that in the decades ahead, more than twice as many will leave christianity than those who will embrace it."

Use the correct name of the church and talk about JC more. We have to talk more about JC because the world is talking about him less.

Russell M Nelson

'Israel' means 'let god prevail'.

Israel's descendants stoned the prophets. (...)

My grandkid's wife was sad that her father was dying, but I told her she was being near-sighted. She felt better after looking at the big picture of god's plan.

I greive for black people.

(I can't listen to any more of this asshole, sorry.)

AFTERNOON SESSION

Henry B Eyring

"My hope is to give encouragement when life seems especially difficult and uncertain. For some of you, that time is now. If not, such a time will come."

Personal story of pulling weeds as a child and the frustration of the weeds breaking instead of coming out. Mother said "oh, Hal, of course it's hard; it's supposed to be. Life is a test."

Story of us choosing to come to earth and satan disagreeing and getting followers. "Now, he tries to cause as many as he can to turn away from god during this mortal life." In the spirit world, we must have decided that whatever hardships we were going to face, "the forces of good would be overwhelmingly greater."

Two quotes that say that god will be with us, and will help us, even in our darkest hours.

God occasionally shows me the next couple of steps, but never a glimpse of the far future.

Also, we need to help others.

Another story of mother, who "all her life, she felt effects of the trials of illness. In her last 10 years of life, she required multiple operations. But through all, she proved faithful to the lord." "The last speaker [at her funeral] was elder Spencer W Kimball. After saying something of her trials and her faithfulness, he said essentially this: 'some of you may wonder why Mildred had to suffer so much and so long. I will tell you why. It was because the lord wanted to polish her a little more."

Jeremy R Jaggi

My youngest brother died two years ago. "We found comfort in the words of elder Neil L Anderson in general conference the week before Chad died: 'In the crucible of earthly trials, patiently move forward, and the savior's healing power will bring you light, understanding, peace, and hope.'" We'll be with him again, but losing him hurt.

James 1:2.

We thought 2020 would be all joy. Shit happened, but we're determined to see joy in this year anyway.

Chapter 6 of 'Preach My Gospel'.

"Blessed are the meek (etc)".

Many unsourced quotes saying that the more you seek/follow/believe in JC, the happier you will be.

Daughter, Emma, is a missionary. "[Emma] asked us to connect [online] with friends she was teaching [in the Netherlands]... We invited them to join our weekly online... study... All have become our friends." They've all converted.

Nelson recently said "Voluntary fast offerings from our members have increased, as well as voluntary contributions to our humanitarian funds."

"My brother Chad's passing came just a few months after our release from presiding over the Utah Ogden mission... Of all the 417 missions we could have been assigned to, we were assigned to... a 30-minute drive to Chad's home. Chad's cancer was diagnosed after we received our mission assignment. Even in the most trying circumstance, we knew that our heavenly father was mindful of us."

Gary E Stevenson

I was serving a mission in Japan. Kimball was speaking in Tokyo. I wanted to go. It was a long commute, so the mission president said no, but the rest of the branch went, so we were alone. Kimball announced a temple in Tokyo. I was disappointed to miss it.

This is like the even deeper disappointment people today experience due to covid.

How do we move forward? Consider the first verse of the BoM.

Wife and I met online with many missionaries who still managed to do lots of ministering, despite covid restrictions.

Think of "JS, languishing in Liberty Jail, feeling abandoned and forsaken, then hearing the words of the lord: 'these things shall be for thy good' and 'god shall be with you forever.'"

"We, too, can draw parallels, as individual members and as a church, in the way in which we have been highly favored of the lord during the challenging times we have encountered during the past several months."

"Let [these examples] strengthen your testimony of the seership of our living prophet, who prepared us with adjustments before any hint of a pandemic, enabling us to endure the challenges that have come."

List of ways that we have been told to prepare.

Story of a young woman who was just barely able to go to the temple right before leaving for her mission.

Milton Da Rocha Camargo

Gave his entire backstory before getting around to the topic: prayer.

"An important part of heavenly father's plan is the opportunity to communicate with him anytime we want."

"Every one that asketh, receiveth (etc)."

"Recording our impressions is an important part of receiving. It helps us recall, review, and re-feel what the lord is teaching us."

I like it when I have strong feelings after praying, but, more often, we're likely to hear the "still, small voice of the lord whispering to our mind and heart, 'I am here. I love you.'"

"Revelation often comes when we are in the act of doing good."

Dale G Renlund

Can I be a better person?

And "how can I, as a flawed person, qualify to 'dwell with god in a state of never-ending happiness'?"

"Good deeds are not sufficient. Salvation is not earned... Left to our own devices, the prospect of returning to live in god's presence is hopeless. Without the blessings that come from heavenly father and JC, we can never do enough or be enough by ourselves... Because of and through JC, we can become enough."

"We can be redeemed and stand clean and pure before god" by the ordinances of the gospel.

"Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with thy god."

*Jewish appropriation*

Story of someone who had to remind someone "Dr. Jones, you became a physician to care for people and work to heal them. You didn't become a physician to judge them [on a self-infilcted wound]. If you don't understand the difference, you have no right to train at [Johns Hopkins Hospital, Baltimore, MD]."

Don't think you're above others.

"To be christlike, a person loves mercy... gracious, kind and honorable. These individuals treat everyone with love and understanding, regardless of characteristics such as race, gender, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, and tribal, clan, or national differences."

Kelly R Johnson

Story of daughter who set the microwave to cook [instead of timer] for 30 min. It caught on fire. This is because microwaves need something in them to absorb the energy.

"Our entire microwave went up in flames and burned because there was nothing on the inside. Likewise, those who have faith and the word of god deep in their hearts will be able to absorb and overcome the fiery darts which the adversary will surely send to destroy us."

(As someone raised with a fire extiniguisher in the kichen, I feel the sudden urge to suggest this to anyone with children)

(I have no idea what else he said because he used the word 'power' 34 times in his short talk, and it lost all meaning)

Jeffrey R Holland

Covid sucks and it's going on too long.

We want to know when our struggles will be over.

I'm now speaking about "those who would like to be married and aren't or who are married and with their marriage were a little more celestial. I speak of those who have to deal with the unwanted appearance of a serious medical condition, perhaps an uncurable one. Or face a life long battle with a genetic defect that has no remedy. I speak of the continuing struggle with emotional and mental health challenges that weigh heavily on the souls of so many who suffer with them and on the hearts of those who suffer with them. I speak of the poor, whom the savior told us never to forget. I speak of you, waiting for the return of a child no matter what the age, who has chosen a path different from the one you prayed he or she would take." Plus economic, political,and social concerns.

Your prayers "are heard and they are answered, though perhaps not at the time or in the way that we wanted." They'll be answered when and how god thinks they should be.

We shouldn't ask for a stress-free life; struggles make us worthy to live with god.

Russell M Nelson

"We live in a glorious age, foreseen by prophets for centuries... Despite the world's commotion, the lord would have us look toward the future with joyful anticipation... The gathering of Israel moves forward. The lord JC directs the affairs of his church and it will achieve it's divine objectives. The challenge for you and me is to make certain that each of us will achieve his or her divine potential."

Let JC be your 'new normal' by "repenting daily. Seek to be increasingly pure in thought, word, and deed. Minister to others. Keep an eternal perspective. Magnify your callings. And... live each day so that you are more prepared to meet your maker."

Six new temples: Tarawa, Kiribati; Port Vila, Vanuato; Lindon, Utah; Greater Guatamala; Sao Paulo East, Brazil; and Santa Cruz, Bolivia.

#exmo #exmormon #ex-mormon #apostake #mine #ex mormon #exchristian #ex christian #excult #cult stuff #exlds #ex lds #former mormon #ex religious #agnostic #gc october 2020 #gc summary

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magsdomino · 4 years

Text

@minadeku

Izumina week has come and gone, but I wanted to do one more thing for it. So here is a late entry for day 5: Second chances.

It is based off of an idea I had for the sequel to Walk. Might not use it as I am unsure how well it gels with the rest of my plans, but here had a look at a possible timeline, I guess. (P.S. I will try to get the first chapter of You Say Run out soon. If not this week, then early next week.)

Title: Hold Me Closer

It hurt. Burned even. Izuku had faced villains that could turn him to dust or freeze him in place. He had been beaten and bruised, and even broken his own bones. A lot. He had a reputation for that nowadays.

And yet this hurt more. Mina had been one of his first friends in years. She had been a light in his life that he desperately needed and had opened the door for him in several ways. He had hoped to repay that kindness to her every day, as he had felt blessed to know her. All those memories with her and his friends kept him going.

And yet at the end of the day, he had hurt her. Scared her. They had broken up because she couldn't handle it. Her words echoed in his mind.

"I can't do this. I can't.deal with you jeopardizing your life and body."

That voice was like honey to him and now it was like the very acid she produced. He had really messed up. It was a good thing It was a weekend. He felt like just laying in bed and sleeping, especially after how awkward things had been and how horrifying the ordeal before it was.

Izuku had been through the ringer and just needed sleep. A knock on the door had other plans for the boy though.

Izuku just rolled over and pretended to be asleep. He wished he were at least.

"Izuku? Can we talk?" It was her voice. Mina's voice.

Dammit. He couldn't say no.

"Um...sure…" Izuku opened the door and ushered her in. He sat on his bed and sat awkwardly. He normally would have patted the bed, offering her a spot. He had picked that habit up from her. The air was more tense, however, so he decided to let her stand. "W-what's up."

"Nothing...just wanted to…" Mina sighed. She wanted to be her own cheery self, act like things were normal. They weren't though. Or maybe They were. Maybe this was the new normal. She wasn't a fan of it. She liked to be flexible about life, but this was not fun at all.

She started again. "Look. We both messed up… You definitely did. I want to be honest.You could have gotten killed. Or expelled. Maybe both if that works somehow. Sometimes, I feel Sensei would find a way… and you went to save someone who hurt you…"

"There is no amount of sorry that will fix this, huh?" Izuku chuckled sadly, Looking up at his ex. She was the kindest, prettiest soul he knew, smiling no matter what. It honestly inspired him just as much as All Might did now. Close enough, at least. And yet knowing he was responsible for causing her worry and duress was the final knife in his chest. He felt ready to collapse. He felt her warm hand lift his chin and their eyes met.

"Easy there, green bean...I...it was hypocritical...I got scared of losing you and yet I pushed you away. You messed up and put yourself in danger for someone who likely wouldn't risk the same for you...but …"

"Yeah. You think I would learn. I just… " Izuku paused, Looking for the right words. He couldn't even muster a mutter. It was that bad.

"It's what heroes do though, right?" Mina smiled softly. Once again, she took the words out of his mouth.

Izuku nodded. An uncomfortable silence took hold for several minutes. The One-for-All inheritor choked up. "I hate this, Mina… I didn't want to scare you. I should have just let him go. Heck, he has his own classmates that could risk it all for him...but I knew him longer...I felt responsible in some messed up way. I couldn't let them go into it and say "not my problem anymore". They are my schoolmates and I couldn't risk it…"

"I guess we both are bent up about this, huh?" Mina admitted.

"I guess so…" Izuku replied.

Mina took a seat next to Izuku and fiddled with her thumbs. It was all starting to come out. It was more of a sputter than a steady stream but it was coming along regardless."You are too forgiving..."

"Yeah. I know. Bakugou hasn't been my friend for some time…" Izuku frowned. He thought it would get easier, but there was still that complicated feeling in the back of his mind.

Mina looked at the ground. "Not him, no. Not this time. You forgave me too easily. I mean I went to Aizawa! Aizawa! I dumped you and narced on you. Glad he didn't expel you. God I am such an awful girlfriend. I betrayed you...I just...I didn't want to lose you and I got scared and acted all weird and..." Tears fell from the pink girl's eyes, emotion pouring like a faucet now. Her eyes opened as Izuku brushed her cheek. His scarred hands felt so gentle despite their roughness. She had to resist the urge to nuzzle them. It was too soon.

"It's different with you. You gave me more love and concern than I ever felt deserving of. I mean, forgiveness is in my nature, I guess. Might be tied to my self worth. But how could I not?" Izuku held her hands. Both their hearts still ached. They were raw from the events that just unfolded and the regret of how things turned out.

What had happened had happened, but it hadn't changed the love the two still had. Despite the heartache and complications, those feelings lingered

Mina wiped her tears away and smiled weakly. Soon after, something occurred to her as her face produced an mp3 player from her purse, complete with wireless speakers. Izuku learned not to question how she fit them in there.

"It's not breakdancing or roller disco, but please...dance with me...I don't want this weirdness between us...just please don't do this sort of thing again. Not without me...I know you're smarter...get better grades...but my concerns matter too. My insight matters too. I know you know that… just...don't forget, ok?"

Izuku obliged. "Ok… looks like my muttering rubbed off on you a bit," Izuku joked.

"Shut up and hold me, dork," Mina huffed, leaning into him gingerly.

The two joined hands and danced slowly together in Izuku's room, cheek to cheek. A soft chiptune song played, something from an old video game. Regardless, it carried all the weight the two teens could no longer bear to handle alone. Was it too soon to reconcile? Was there any reason not to? Those concerns could wait until later. Right now, they needed this.

"I'm sorry, Mina...I keep causing you worry…"

"Yeah you do...you're my boyfriend…" Mina murdered into Izuku's shoulder

"Was your boyfriend...you dumped me...I would dump me too probably." Izuku gently pulled away but was pulled back in.

"Yeah...well...I like having you around...I could say let's just be friends...take it slow."

"That...might be for the best" Izuku's heart sank a little but he expected it. He was even ready to make peace with it.

Mina looked up in confusion. "What? No! I mean...that is probably how we should do things. We're young and stupid and emotions are still raw...but I always wanted to fall in love, Izuku. I knew there was a whole life in front of me but I wanted a live story. It appealed to me. And yet I didn't really...get those feelings, you know? Until you...I don't want to lose that...or you...just please...if I say stay, stay. Ok?"

"I promise. I stake my future as a hero on it." Izuku did a mild All Might impersonation. Mina ruffled his fluffy green hair in response.

"Dude, that is a bit overboard...don't put your dreams on hold because of me. Besides, I would miss you. I would want to rain blows upon you for being reckless and almost dying, but I don't want to lose you."

"Yeah...I don't want to lose you either. I-I just want to show you how much you matter. I don't think I would be here without your support? Not to discount everyone else. I feel so blessed. All Might, mom, Tsu, Kirishima, Uraraka, Iida...everyone… but above all...you...I'm sorry. That sounds cheesy. I just wanted to be honest and also sound cool but I might be going too fast again and..."

"Pretty sure you would. You're that good… And don't worry. I'm going the same speed as you" Mina laughed more genuinely now.

"I...maybe...But it feels empty to think about that." Izuku's tone became somber again.

The two cradled each other, tears staining their clothes as they refused to let go for the rest of the night.

"We should probably rest. If we just got back together...I don't want to push my luck." Izuku broke off slowly, allowing Mina the space she needed.

"Yeah...I'm going to sleep in my own bed. You're still riding the couch, buster." The pink girl gently booked her green-haired nerd's nose.

"I have a bed though." Izuku cocked his head inquisitively.

"No. Beds are for good boys who don't scare their girlfriends." Mina huffed teasingly. Her face relaxed. "Maybe in a day or two though, we can go back to normal...what passes for normalcy I mean."

"Y-yeah...that's fair. We can't just jump right back into things."

"Which sucks, because now we can cuddle...like...any time we want. Unless Iida comes in and physically puts a stack of textbooks between us. I feel he will want the glasses back that I stole from him as well."

"He could be listening. He might get ideas...but yeah. I respect that. Honestly, if we stayed broken up, I would have had to change my hero name. Calling myself Green Rush without the person who inspired it would seem weird."

"What would you pick though? Don't say Deku. I liked the reasoning Ochako gave for it but it still carries that Bakugou stink. It would be like you calling yourself "Stupid asshole, the traumatized hero"."

"I mean." Izuku rubbed the back of his head but was pulled into a quick kiss by Mina. It was just a short peck but it still sent lightning through his body and straight to his heart in a way full Dowling couldn't match. Soon after, a flurry of gentle blows found their way into his shoulders.

"No. No self deprecation. Not tonight. Just hold me please, ok?"

"Deal." Izuku rested his head against her shoulder, hesitating afterwards. "Sorry. I am rushing things. I need to slow down and…"

Izuku was cut off by a hand to his scalp. "Sssshhh. Stay. You're warm." Mina nuzzled him.

"Didn't you want to slow down? Stay in your own bed for a night or two? N-Not that I am complaining. I just...I don't know," Izuku stammered.

Mina pulled Izuku onto the bed as they fell backwards. "I changed my mind. Don't make me change it again, you beefy otaku." She muttered in a sleepy tone, voice slightly hoarse from crying.

"Yes ma'am" Izuku smiled softly as he fell on top of Mina.

"I love you, Izuku." Mina yawned as she buried her head into the crook of Izuku's neck.

"Love you too, Mina." He adjusted his head to avoid being poked by her horns. It wasn't long before the two passed out in each other's arms. Between the room competition, the move in, and everything else, the young couple had been exhausted. They needed this rest. Together.

Unbeknownst to them, a pair of eyes watched through a creak in the door. The figure croaked silently and headed back to her room, unsure of how to word what she wanted to say. Sleep would help. Besides, her friends needed this and she didn't want to ruin it.

#my writing #my hero academia #bnha spoilers #fic spoilers? posdible idea?#mina ashido #izuku midoriya #minadeku #izumina #day 5 #late entry #izumina week 2020 #izuminaweek2020

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theyearoftheking · 4 years

Text

Book Forty-Six: Hearts in Atlantis

“There are also books full of great writing that don’t have very good stories. Read sometimes for the story... Don’t be like the book-snobs who won’t do that. Read something for the words- the language. Don’t be like the play-it-safers that won’t do that. But when you find a book that has both a good story and good words, treasure that book.”

As a lifelong and Constant reader, there are certain books that act as a time machine... I can remember where I was when I cracked the spine for the first time, my current mental state, how the people in my life impacted the way I viewed the characters, current events... the best type of books do this for you. They act as a time machine and take you back to being young and eighteen, even when you’re forty, your back hurts and you no longer have the deep sleep that only the youth are blessed with.

Hearts in Atlantis is this book for me.

I remember being eighteen, and sitting on the second floor porch of the Edgewater in Old Orchard Beach, Maine; devouring the advanced reading copy like it was my job. Well, it kind of was my job; I was gainfully employed at a bookstore that took more of my money than I made. I remember a young, cute cleaning guy seeing my book, and telling me to drive up to Bangor and find Steve’s house. This struck me as a particularly inspired idea, and I convinced my mom and sister to do it.

For the very young Constant Readers, this was back before the days of social media and accessible internet. There was no typing, “How do you get to Stephen King’s house?” into Google. So, we took off on our drive, and stopped at the Bangor Chamber of Commerce and stupidly asked, “Hey, how do you find Stephen King’s house?”

They proceeded to give me directions which I jotted down...and kept! Finding this piece of paper tucked inside the book made me smile.

But spoiler! The directions are backwards. Back in the day before social media, Bangor protected Steve (well, except for the asshole who hit him with his van), and they didn’t give directions out to his house to obvious tourists. Thankfully, my sense of direction is terrible, and we accidentally found Steve’s house anyway! I wish I still had the pictures, I remember grinning like a fool. It’s still one of the craziest, most spontaneous adventures ever.

Is Hearts in Atlantis a good book?

Yes.

Is my review colored by the memories surrounding this book?

Also yes.

And honestly? My reading of it this time was far richer because of all the Dark Tower references I hadn’t yet read. It’s obvious in the first novella that Steve is deep in Dark Tower thoughts. The concepts of Breakers hasn’t even been discussed in the previous four books yet. So let’s get into it, shall we?

Hearts in Atlantis is broken up into five novellas and in my opinion, the first is the strongest, and they get progressively weaker as they go on (still good, just not AS good).

The first one, Low Men in Yellow Coats centers around the unexpected friendship between Bobby Garfield and his new neighbor, Ted Brautigan. Bobby is being raised by his cold, and slightly distracted single mother, and Ted hires him for a kind-of detective job: looking for missing pets signs around the neighborhood, “items for sale” signs hung upside down in the local grocery store, and hearts, stars, and moons drawn around hopscotch outlines. If Bobby sees any of these things, he needs to tell Ted immediately, because it means The Low Men are after him. The Low Men wear yellow coats, and drive around in obnoxiously flashy cars. Ted doesn’t explain WHY they’re after him, he just explains they’re bad guys.

In the midst of his detective work, Bobby is hanging with his friends Sully-John and Carol Gerber, who he might be feeling some kind of way towards. There’s a day at the beach, and a kiss on the Ferris wheel that’s particularly sweet in it’s innocence. But then Sully John leaves for a week of YMCA camp, and Bobby is left mostly with Ted. Ted recommends Lord of the Flies, which changes Bobby’s life. He swears he’ll never go back to reading kids books again.

Bobby’s mom is really suspicious of Ted, but not too suspicious, since she leaves him in charge of Bobby while she goes to a real estate conference with her creeper of a boss. A word about Bobby’s mom. I find her to be one of the worst Steve villains written. She’s truly as evil as Pennywise. Why? Because she’s real. And there are moms out there like her. Moms that let their kids go without, but always manage to have a fresh manicure or a new bag. Moms that blame their poor living situation on their ex, and make their kids feel bad about it. Moms that just don’t like their kids. It’s a thing. And it makes me sad.

While she’s at her conference, Bobby and Ted hit up a sketchy bar in an equally sketchy neighborhood, where Ted makes a bet on an upcoming boxing match. Bobby then understands Ted has powers: he can see into the future and can read minds. And when he touches Bobby, his ability brushes off on him. Bobby has seen some of the things Ted has been warning him about, but he hasn’t told Ted, because he didn’t want Ted to get spooked and leave town. Bobby doesn’t have a lot of people who have shown an interest in him the same way Ted has.

The story comes to a climactic point when Bobby finds Carol being beaten up in the woods by some neighborhood boys. He carries her back to his place where Ted fixes her dislocated shoulder. Bobby’s mom walks in beaten up (physically) from her time at the real estate conference, and assumes Ted is molesting Carol based on the way he’s touching her, and his torn shirt.

Ted leaves, Bobby is hysterical, and his mom goes to take a nap. Bobby heads back to the bar he and Ted went to, assuming Ted is going to stop there to pick up his gambling wins. Bobby finds the Low Men escorting Ted away. Come to find out, he’s a very powerful breaker: one who can break the beams The Dark Tower is resting upon. If the breakers all go, there’s no Tower.

SO MANY DARK TOWER REFERENCES!

“All things serve the Beam”

“Ka”

“Other worlds than these”

“The Crimson King”

“All things serve The King, or All things serve The Beam?” <- a moral dilemma for our times.

“Tower, Beams, and Breakers”

So, Ted is shuffled away by the Low Men, Bobby ends up with his winnings, his mom recovers from her sexual assault, she and Bobby move away, and he keeps in touch with Carol. One day, she sends him a letter she had received from Ted, with the most beautiful rose petals inside. Tis ka.

Novella two is Hearts in Atlantis... the story of how the Vietnam War affected a group of students on the University of Maine campus in Orono, especially Peter Riley.

Pete shows up on campus with his Goldwater bumper sticker, and eventually leaves as a war protester with a peace sign scrawled on the back of his letterman jacket. It’s an honest look at how college changes kids. Few kids leave with the same beliefs and sheltered world views they go in with. And no, Karen, it’s not indoctrination by liberal professors... sometimes kids talk to each other and realize they’re not all the same, and some have viewpoints worth listening to, and potentially adapting. Mind-blowing, I know.

There’s a lot of card playing... so much card playing in fact, most of the boys don’t end up coming back to campus. This isn’t great, since you’re on the draft list if you’re not in college. Pete makes friends with, and eventually hooks up with Carol Gerber, who has to break it to her boyfriend John Sullivan (Sully John) that she’s kind of in love with someone else. Awkward.

Carol ends up protesting the Vietnam war, and drops out of college. Pete never hears from her again. He pulls his shit together, passes his classes, and realizes his original viewpoints on politics was silly and sheltered. It’s a great story.

Novella three is Blind Willie, and it’s a short, strange little story. Bill Shearman (one of the boys who beat Carol Gerber up in the first novella), travels to his office in New York City where he transforms into Blind Willie, a Vietnam war vet who panhandles for change. It’s unclear if his wife knows this is how he brings money home, and it’s also slightly unclear whether or not Bill actually becomes blind when he puts on his Blind Willie costume. But, his claim to fame is that John Sullivan pulled him out of the jungle and onto a helicopter during the Vietnam War.

Novella four is Why We’re In Vietnam and starts with John Sullivan going to the funeral for a soldier he served with in Vietnam. We find out John is frequently visited by an elderly woman he witnessed being killed in Vietnam. He refers to her as “Mamasan”. John ruminates over his fallen soldiers (some of whom were dropouts from the University of Maine Orono campus, and all knew Pete Riley), what the war did to his life, and how upset he was that Carol Gerber became an extreme protester who ended up blowing up a building that killed quite a few people, including (presumably) herself.

On his way home from the funeral, he’s stuck in crazy traffic. He looks over, and thinks he sees Carol in a car a few lanes over. He goes over to investigate, and all of a sudden, heavy, deadly garbage starts falling out of the sky. One of the things that falls is Bobby Garfield’s old baseball mitt (that Bill Shearman had stolen from him when they were kids). John grabs the mitt and tries to duck the garbage. Mamasan beckons him to her, and promises to take care of him.

There was no garbage falling out of the sky. John was killed by a major heart attack. But, he did somehow end up with Bobby’s baseball glove. Curious.

The final novella, Heavenly Shades of Night Are Falling recap Bobby Garfield going back home for John’s funeral. He meets with Carol; who is no longer Carol, and now Denise Schoonover; her new identity after that whole ‘blowing up a building, killing people and faking her own death’ thing. Carol/Denise has his old baseball glove, and somehow got it from Ted, who got it from John. I’m not sure. And then fade to black.

It’s a lovely collection of novellas, all strung together with the same group of characters. Admittedly, I’m too young to know anything real about the 1960′s beyond bell bottoms and peace signs, so it was a slice of history and culture. And it wouldn’t be a Steve book if there weren’t mentions of the Derry newspaper, and a chambray work shirt.

There was one Wisconsin mention. In the first novella, Sully John’s mom was taking the Greyhound to northern Wisconsin for vacation. God bless. My own family wasn’t even able to do that this summer. #thankscovid

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 29

Total Dark Tower References: 45

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Wizard and Glass: A+

Needful Things: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Hearts in Atlantis: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Bag of Bones: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon: B

Storm of the Century: B-

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Desperation: C-

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

The Regulators: D

The Tommyknockers: D-

Next up we have On Writing; which I also adore. But I need to build up all this goodwill and warm feelings toward Steve, because Dreamcatcher is right on the horizon, and to borrow a quote from the second novella, “It sucks the rigid cock of Satan.”

Seriously, y’all...

That is hands down one of the best insults I’ve heard in a long time. If I wasn’t the mother of an already feral child, I’d start using that on the reg. Do me a favor, and find a subtle way to use it in conversation sometime soon.

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca

#hearts in atlantis #stephen king #constant readers #the dark tower #ka #derry #the gunslinger #chambray shirts #vietnam war #rigid cock of satan

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fangirltrash18 · 5 years

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Nothing Lasts Forever (g.d)

A/N- Hola mis amigos! Welcome to my second Grayson fic! I am so excited to write this I literally have jitters haha. I have been sitting around with this idea for like a week and I can’t wait to share it! Hope you all enjoy!

Warnings- angst, angst, ANGST (also drinking)

Summary- Being best friends with one of the biggest YouTube stars (as well as one of the worlds most eligible bachelors) isn’t as easy as it may seem, especially when you’re secretly in love with them. Through thick and thin you’ve been there for Grayson, but what happens when he falls in love with someone who’s not you?

Italics=flashback Normal=present

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would do anything in the world just so they can be happy? Well I have, and it kinda sucks.

Ok, ok let me give you some context so I don’t sound like a complete selfish bitch.

Grayson Dolan is my best friend. Yes, the Grayson Dolan. You may know him. Him and his twin, Ethan, are kind of a big deal around YouTube. Anyway, we’ve been glued to the hip since pre school and have grown up together. I got to witness first hand his ride to fame and all his triumphs, on and off the internet. I also witnessed his mental struggles the fame brought, the death of his beloved father, among other things that brought him down.

Just as I was there for him, he was there for me. Through all my highs and lows, he was right beside me to guide me and be my voice of reason.

The thing with friendships and people is, they grow and become richer with time. They blossom into something so beautiful and amazing that nothing can ever ruin them.

Or so it feels like.

It’s funny how within such a small amount of time, you can go from having everything, to nothing. Almost like you’re entire past, present, and future is pulled right out from under you, leaving you with that deep feeling of emptiness.

That’s how I feel now as I lay on my couch, reminiscing about “the good old days”.

My vision is blurry from the hours worth of tears and my nose is so raw from all the tissues, it hurts to sniffle.

It was hard to believe that only hours ago I was as happy as could be.

“Grayson s-sto-stop!” I laughed and tried to wiggle away from his deadly tickles.

“What’s the magic word?” He asked and continued his harmless assault. I tried several times to get the simple ‘please’ to come out of my mouth but only loud laughs escaped instead.

“G-gray-grayson p-please!”I cried. The moment that word left my mouth the tickle attack stopped. I laid sprawled halfway on the couch while I caught my breathe. Grayson just stared and laughed at my distressed state. “You are an asshole, I hope you know.” I said, only halfway joking.

“Aw, you know you love me.” He smiled and ruffled my hair. Giggling, I swatted his hand away and stuck my tongue out. It was true, I loved him. But not in the way I was supposed to.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” I mumbled and slid onto the floor next to him. He laughed and nudged my shoulder. “So what do you wanna do tonight?” I asked. He hummed as he thought.

“I don’t know. You want to go see a movie? Or we could just go get sushi.” He suggested.

“Mmm sushi sounds so good.” I moaned.

“Okay perfect, sushi it is!” He exclaimed and jumped up. He lowered his arms and helped pull me up from the floor.

“Cool. I’m going to go home and change. Meet there in like an hour?”

“Sounds good to me.” He shrugged and walked me to the door. I waved goodbye and hopped into my car. Tonight was going to be a good night, I could feel it.

I was finally going to do it. I was going to tell him I loved him.

But it wasn’t a good night. Not at all. All plans I had of enjoying a night out with my best friend and confessing my biggest secret were crushed with a single phone call.

I was ruffling through my closet when I heard my phone ring across the room. I stopped fussing with the clothes and went to see who was calling. It was Grayson.

I immediately picked it up and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N/N, um I’m sorry to do this but I have to cancel our sushi plans.”

“Oh no, what’s going on?” I couldn’t help the ache in my chest hearing him cancel.

“Well I sorta forgot that I promised E I would hang out with him tonight and help him edit since he’s behind before I made plans, and now he’s on my ass.” He sounded distant which was weird, almost as if he was hiding something. But I ignored it and took him for his word. Stupid mistake.

“Oh, okay don’t worry about it. We can just do it another night.” I said and sat down on the corner of my bed.

“Again, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine Gray, don’t stress about it.” I said trying to not sound disappointed.

“Thanks Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asked, his voice hopeful.

“Of course.”

“Okay cool, bye Y/N.”

“Bye Gray.”

The line went dead and I sat the phone down beside me. I felt a little upset that I wouldn’t be seeing Grayson that night but I understood why he couldn’t come.

Sighing, I got up from the bed and grabbed a casual dress from the floor where I had thrown it. I slipped it on and put on a little makeup. Just because Grayson couldn’t come, didn’t mean that I couldn’t still go get sushi.

By the time I had finished getting ready and driving to the restaurant I was starving.

I felt a little odd sitting alone but in a way it was kind of nice. I didn’t have to worry about what to say next or anything. It was cool just being on a date with myself. I ate in peace and occasionally scrolled through Instagram, just enjoying my time.

I wasn’t until I heard a familiar voice from the table beside me that I felt uneasy.

“I’ll take a water, what do you want babe?” It was unmistakably Grayson’s voice. I turned my head to see him sitting with a gorgeous woman who definitely wasn’t Ethan. I felt my chest tighten and my stomach drop.

He lied to me. He canceled on our plans to take another girl out.

I grabbed my purse and threw a $50 bill on the table, knowing that that would cover it and leave a handsome tip. I stood up slowly and began walking to the door as casually as possible.

I kept my head down and my strides long and somewhat quick. Thankfully I got to the entrance without notice. I turned to look at him and his date but caught his eye instead. His face paled and his shoulders tended. I just looked at him and shrugged, not really knowing what else to do, before I opened the door and left.

As soon as I was outside I couldn’t help the tears that came. I covered my mouth, trying to quiet the sobs that jolted my body.

“Y/N!” Grayson’s voice called from behind me. Instead of acknowledging him I just sped up. I could tell he was running to catch up which only made me speed up my pace. “Y/N, wait please.” I felt his hand grab onto my shirt to stop me.

Anger boiled in veins and what happened next shocked both of us.

“Grayson just stop!” I yelled and pulled away from him. “You lied to me! Why couldn’t you have just told me the truth and saved me a little less heartbreak?” Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I waited for him to answer.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” He whispered. I scoffed and shook my head.

“Bull shit Grayson. You should have just told me the truth. You didn’t want to hang out tonight because you had a date. I get it Gray, you got other priorities, that’s fine. You just shouldn’t have lied to me about them.” His eyes held so much guilt it made my heart ache for him, but at the same time it made me even angrier. “And you wanna know something?” I asked, wanting to finally free myself of all my pent up emotions. He looked at me almost as if he knew what I was about to say. “I was going to tell you I loved you tonight.” I whispered, the anger giving way to more sadness.

“Y/N... I cant. I’m in love with someone else.” I looked away from him and tried to stop the tears. “But you’re my best friend Y/N and I-”

“Gray please, don’t do that.” I said and sniffled. He sighed and took a step closer. He wrapped me in his arms and hugged me close. But it wasn’t the kind of hug I wanted. It was an ‘I’m sorry for you’ hug. One that told me everything I needed to know. I was and always would be considered just a friend.

I forced myself away from his embrace and lightly pushed him away.

“I’m going to go Gray.” I whispered, knowing that after I left nothing was going to be the same between us again.

“Okay.” He said and looked down at my pathetic state.

“Have fun.” I turned around and walked off with the knowing that I just lost my best friend.

Now I’m here, on my couch polishing off a bottle of cheap vodka, tear stained cheeks and tissues littering the floor. I know I over reacted and I hate myself for being so stupid. I screwed up the best thing in my life and there’s no way I’ll be able to get that back. Not with the way I acted. More sobs leave my mouth as I pondered on the thought.

My phone buzzes next to me on the coffee table. I know it’s Grayson calling for the millionth time so I don’t even bother to look at it. I can’t talk to him tonight. Especially with how much alcohol I’ve had over the past few hours.

It’s a bad habit I’ve always had, drinking to numb the pain. Grayson was always there to help curve the urge and break the habit. But now he’s the reason I’m shit faced.

I know I shouldn’t be mad, but I am. I’m a mad, jealous mess and there’s nothing I can do about it. Sure I could bottle it all up and go apologize, but I’d still have to endure seeing him be happy with the girl he loved.

I should have seen thins coming, should have expected it. But I was too wrapped up in my own fantasy that I was blind to notice my best friend fall for someone else. I was blind to all the times he would check his phone when I was around him. I was blind to how he would want to do things less and less. Blind to how “busy” he’d gotten.

Like I said, people grow and sometimes not in the way you want them to. Grayson grew away from me and I didn’t even notice until it was too late.

Now, it’s time for me to grow. To confirm to the change that had taken over my life. Nothing lasts forever, it’s all just temporary; experiences to learn from and memories to cherish.

#grayson dolan imagine #ethan dolan imagine #dolan twins #grayson dolan #ethan dolan #grayson dolan fanfic #ethan dolan fanfic #dolan twins fanfic #angst #dolan tuesday

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scullyy · 6 years

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Two Sides of the Same Street / Chapter Two

Title: Two Sides of the Same Street Chapter One / Chapter Two

Pairing: Clementine x Louis

Word Count: 1935

Summary: Clementine and Louis catch the same bus home and take the chance to get to know each other.

A/N: Wow this is finally out ha

Also @goofy-gomez here is your tag as you asked

“What time does the bus usually get here?”

“Let’s see, about ten minutes ago.”

“Oh.”

Of course, the damn bus was late. On most days it was on time, right to the minute. Louis broke his attention from the setting sun onto his cracked watch, checking it for the third time. Had the damn thing finally broken?

Clementine threw her empty Coke can into the bin beside her, smiling at her successful shot. All that time spent playing Paper Toss came in handy. “I hope there wasn’t an accident.” The torrential rainfall the town had been receiving the past few days had resulted in a couple collisions, arrogant assholes who thought they could make the green light in time.

Louis popped a piece of gum into his mouth, trying to keep his obnoxious chewing to a minimum. “Wilson is a safe driver, probably just some traffic build up.”

Of course, this damn bus runs late the day Clementine has to catch it. Lee needed to stay behind, finish some tidying and organise the days' wages, he let Clementine go home early after her fourth yawn within three minutes.

Normally Louis would chuck his headphones on and shuffle through whatever playlist appealed to him, maybe even make up a little dance. But that seems rude in the presence of an acquaintance. And a pretty one at that.

“Do you want to play a game to pass the time?”

Wow, what a unique way to get to know this girl. Dickhead.

“Why not. What game were you thinking?”

Louis straightened his fingerless gloves like the showman he was, a chance to impress someone was a chance taken. “Well, it’s not technically a game,”

She scoffed. “Liar.”

“It’s basically Truth or Dare but without the dares. Usually, it’s played with cards, but I left my pack at home.” Louis turned his pockets inside to show her. "Fine,” Clem sighed, her warm breath creating smoke that flowed out of her mouth like a dragon. “You go first.”

Louis considered this a win. “Do you usually catch the bus? I just want to know if your presence will be around in the future to delight me.” He sent a dramatic wink her way, his signature move.

“Not really. It's a twenty-minute drive to the shop but my car is a wreck right now, so bus it is," She shuddered at the thought of walking home alone at night. Once was enough. "My turn. How long have you been working at that music shop for?" "Since it first opened about a year ago. I was so excited to be working there but now there's a new manager and he's making life shit." Louis remembered the day he saw an ad in the paper for a new music shop opening on the corner, his screams almost burst Marlon’s eardrums. "Ouch. I'm lucky then, my boss is actually my dad. Well, adoptive dad technically. He always wanted a family business, that’s why we moved down here.” Louis leaned against the telegraph pole, his coat doing nothing to stop the cold from seeping through. "Damn, you are lucky. He seems cool.”

Clementine smiled fondly. “Yeah, he is. He took me in when I was eight,” She swallowed the lump in her throat at the thought of her time without Lee. “What about you? What’s your family like?" "We’re not that closely knit. I moved away about a year ago with my friend Marlon, been here ever since." Now that was an exciting day. He and Marlon had been planning to live together since they were fourteen, to have the freedom to do whatever they wanted. Adulthood had taken a turn for the worse, the sore reality of work and living expenses punched them both in the gut. "Is that our bus?" Clementine pointed to two white lights merging from the horizon, realising her suspicions were correct when she saw the elderly driver through the window. “Finally.”

Louis dug around in his back pocket for his trusty bus pass. “My lazy ass is ready to sit down,” The bus screeched to a halt beside them, spraying murky rainwater onto their ankles. “Good evening Wilson.” Louis tipped an imaginary hat to the bus driver, who smiled back gratefully.

He and Clementine sat towards the back of the bus behind a young man and what appeared to be his son. Clementine nabbed the window seat, creating patterns between the raindrops left behind on the glass.

Louis set himself down beside her, shaking his boots dry. “Favourite colour?”

“Red. You?’

“Blue,” His eyes lit up at the coincidence. “Maybe one day we’ll make the colour purple. Get it? Cause red and blue makes purple-”

Clementine raised her hand, shushing Louis. “Yeah, I get it. What are you insinuating?”

“I don’t even know. Your turn.”

She couldn’t stay annoyed at him, not with that childish grin he always seemed to have switched on. “Favourite cafe in town?”

Louis slapped his knee, making the little boy sitting in front of him jump. “Oh my god-okay so my friend Omar owns this amazing cafe down the street, he is seriously the best chef. His stew is to die for. I tried to convince him to call it ‘Stew with Lou’ but he didn’t seem too impressed.”

“Sounds nice, I’ll have to give it a go sometime.” Clementine looked out onto the street, the lights illuminating the small houses and shops. How her, Lee and her little brother were able to uncover this little corner of the world was beyond her.

“Maybe I’ll take you someday,” He mumbled under his breath, his own special promise. “What are some small things that make your day better?”

Clementine chuckled. “Whenever my little brother grabs my hand. Even if he doesn’t want anything, just makes me feel good.” Her fingers traced her palms lightly, giving herself a gentle shiver. Seeing his beaming smile whenever she got homemade the dull ache in her chest disappear.

“Well that’s really sweet,” Louis hung his head low. He hadn’t seen his little brother since he left home, his small face and gapped teeth brought on a sombre smile.

“So, what shows are you into?” She noticed the way his smile fell, how his glowing eyes melted into a stale form, what mystery was this boy hiding?

There’s the historian again, wanting to unearth the past.

Louis presented his best artificial smile, it had gotten him out of many challenges before. “Doctor Who.”

“Seriously?”

“Hey don’t knock it till you’ve tried it-”

“I have, it’s okay.” Clementine rolled her eyes. Lee loved it, that show is the most relaxing twenty-five minutes of his day.

Louis rested his feet against the seat in front of him. “Really? You seem like the type to watch slow ass shows like Downton Abbey, then again it could be worse.”

“Oi, watch it spaceman.”

“Oi, watch it earth girl.”

Silence fell over them for a brief second, their smiles only growing bigger and bigger before immediately cackling like little kids at a birthday party, their shared knowledge going over the heads of the two people in front of them. Luckily it was their stop, they eagerly left Louis and Clem to their own mad devices.

“I think we scared them away,” Clementine spat between bursts of laughter. Her body had moved closer to Louis, their elbows and knees hitting each other as their bodies trembled. Not that either party was complaining, not one bit.

Louis wiped the tears from his eyes. “They’re fine. Which stop do you get off at?”

“It’s the next one I’m pretty sure,” Clementine straightened out her denim jacket, enjoying the pain either side of her stomach. It had been too long since she had a hearty laugh, it was therapeutic. “Which stop are you?”

Louis eyed down the road in front of them. His stop wasn’t for another ten minutes...

“It’s the next one too!”

A little lie never hurt anyone, right?

It was certainly worth it by how Clem’s eyes lit up.

“Cool. Would it be okay if you walked me home? I don’t like walking alone in the dark-”

“-Yes!”

His answer was more enthusiastic than he liked it to be. It was supposed to be calm, suave and sophisticated. But no his heart jumped the gun as always.

Clementine settled down her nerves. “Thanks.” She muttered, biting her tongue to bury the laughter from coming back. She twiddled her thumbs as the bus came to a slow halt, the rain suddenly hammering down like bullets. “Shit, you don’t happen to have an umbrella do you?”

His hand flew into his satchel and revealed a large black umbrella. “I have been waiting for this moment my whole life.”

Clem gave him a hesitant smile. “And by that you mean…”

“Well, I carry this thing everywhere with me and my friends laugh at that since I haven’t ever used it. But guess who’s laughing now.” Louis threw the umbrella over his shoulder, brandishing it like a weapon.

“Does that one have a name too?” Clementine and Louis both stood from their seat, making their way towards the front of the bus.

“How about Ursula? My favourite Disney villain,” Louis waved goodbye to Wilson as he opened the umbrella, jumping into a puddle by the lamppost. “I’ll never get too old for that. Disney and puddle jumping.”

Clementine hurried under the umbrella, sticking close to Louis. “I live right down the street, it’s the house with the green roof.” She gestured to a house towards the far end of the street, the only house with the front light on. Louis took smaller strides so Clem could keep up with him, one step to him was two for her.

And it was absolutely adorable.

“How’s the guitar going?” With every step they took Louis dreaded having to part ways with Clem, even if he was going to see her the very next day at their work. The rain blanketed them in a fantasy world where nothing could reach them, the outside world was a distant land. No pressures of work, no demanding customers. Just peace and shared knowledge.

“I’m really liking it. Thanks for your help by the way, when I came into the shop.” Clementine enjoyed this cacoon, thanking her past self for leaving her umbrella at home.

Louis bowed graciously. “Anytime my darling.”

“Oh my god, seriously?” She scoffed. If this boy was going where she thought he was...

“Oh my darlin’, oh my darlin’, oh my daaarlin-”

The punch to the forearm was enough to put the singing to an end. “Do you know how many times people have sung that to me?”

Louis rubbed his aching arm, trying to figure out how a girl of her stature could deliver such a blow. “Not enough?”

Clementine ignored him, silence seemed to be the only way he’d understand how serious she was. “And here is my final stop,” Her fingertips danced along the black fence surrounding her house. The kitchen light was on, most likely her brother finishing his homework. “Thanks for walking me home.”

“No problem. I’ll always be here to help guide you through the night,” Louis winked. He opened the gate for Clementine, chivalry wasn’t dead yet. “Goodnight Clemster, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She gave him a slow wave. “Sleep tight Louis.” She jogged up to her front door, fumbling with the door keys for longer than necessary.

Louis waited till she was inside before continuing down the street, laughing into the cold and dreary night. “Right, now how the hell am I going to get home.”

#twdg #the walking dead game #clementine twdg #the walking dead game season four #louis #twdg louis #clouis #louisentine #fanfiction #xscullyx

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dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou · 6 years

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1-70 🙊

really… Really... R E A L L Y… How very fcking BOLD of you 😂

You know what, since I’m in such a good mood after watching Juliana “Braver than every Marine” Valdes go off on her deadbeat abusive father and defend her love for her soulmate Valentina, I’m actually gonna answer all 70 for you.

1. You just opened up a web browser. What is the first site you visit?

Tumblr of course, gotta get caught up on today’s gayness.

2. You just walked into a bookstore. What section do you go to first?

Mystery, I only go into a bookstore for one author and it’s Iris Johansen.

3. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing?

Something that could probably end badly for us lol My friends and I always look back on our nights out saying to each other “atleast we didn’t die tho”

4. You just turned your car on. What station is the radio tuned to?

I don’t have radio stations set because I can’t stand the commercials, I need constant music when I’m driving so I always have my phone playlists on.

5. You have just woken up for the morning. What is the first things you do?

Go to the kitchen because I’m hungry, look around at the food, then go back to bed because I’m still too sleepy to make something to eat.

6. Complete this phrase: You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy____.

“but you can buy things that will MAKE you happy… such as dogs, a house in a safe neighborhood, a reliable car, medications and medical supplies, etc.”

7. What would you do if you woke up as the opposite gender?

First, I’d cry. Then I’d go practice my aim peeing standing up lol

8. Are you more likely to cook for yourself or buy food from a restaurant?

More often than not I’m cooking for myself, especially if I’m training because it’s cheaper eating healthy with homemade meals.

9. If you had to lose one of your senses, which one would you rather lose?

I need my sight, hearing, and touch for sure, and I already know how much it sucks to lose taste after my radiation treatments, so smell would have to go.

10. If you could relive any one year of your life, how old would you be?

17, I’d wanna relive my first year of college.

11. Would you take a bullet for anyone you know?

My mom, brothers, nieces and nephews.

12. Would you rather be rich and dumb or poor and extremely intelligent?

Poor and intellige– nah fck that, I’d legit take being rich and dumb because if being dumb means I can secure my family’s future then I’m good, I could always pay someone to handle the brainy shit for me while I’m swimming in money lol

13. What TV character do you most relate to?

Tasha Williams from The L Word.

14. You just walked into a supermarket. What section do you first go to?

Sports & Outdoors… knowing damn well I don’t need to be buying anything but hoping to find a good deal on something so I can justify buying it.

15. Is sex before marriage wrong?

HELL NO! Sex is right… Marriage all together is wrong, wouldn’t recommend it.

16. You just won the lottery. What is the first thing you do with your winnings?

Buy a new phone and one-way ticket outta the state so no one can hit me up asking for money lol

17. If your best friend admitted that they have a crush on you, how would you react?

I’d be flattered and make some joke about her having horrible taste in women.

18. Will the USA ever have a female president?

**I’ll have an answer to this question after November 3rd 2020**

19. You are carpooling with your friends. Are you more likely to be the driver or a passenger?

Unless it’s my turn to be the DD, I’m not driving with my friends.

20. How short is too short for skirts and dresses?

That’s not for me to decide because I’m not the one wearing them so if a woman is comfortable with a skirt that barely covers her labia, then more power to her.

21. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, without any consequences, what food would you choose?

Pizza, there are so many variety of toppings that I’d never get tired of eating it.

22. It’s Saturday night. What are you most likely doing?

Reading fanfiction

23. You go on a blind date. Your date is extremely beautiful and physically captivating, but you hate their personality. Would you want a second date?

Ab-So-Lute-Ly fcking not! All of the beauty in the world can’t make up for an ugly ass personality. I mean we could be fck buddies, but never a “dating” situation.

24. How strict should gun laws be?

25. Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on the worst team?

Worst player on the best team because I wouldn’t be able to stand being the one putting in all the work while my teammates slack off. Atleast if I’m on the best team I’d be able to learn from players who are better than me.

26. How well do you work with others?

Not well at all unless I haaaave to.

27. You have the ability to cure only one fatal disease and eradicate it forever. What disease do you choose?

Whatever disease is most deadly to dogs, I’d eradicate that one.

28. If you could go back to college and choose a different degree to study, would you?

Nope, forensic science is what I was meant to study, I loved every minute of it.

29. Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

Bish I can’t even see myself 10 days from now, I don’t fcking know lol

30. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-ChoicePro-Choice

31. Would you attend a same sex wedding if invited?

Yes my gay ass would happily attend a gay wedding.

32. So far, what has been the greatest day of your life?

The day I landed in Germany for my first duty station.

33. Has anyone you know ever been arrested?

Yeah.

34. If it could be one season year-round, what season do would you want it to be?

Winter.

35. What is your biggest regret in life?

Not making my ex sign a prenup smh

36. If you could bring one celebrity back from the dead, who would it be?

37. What offends you the most?

Non-black people saying nigga. I don’t care if they’re white, latino, asian, any other person of color… or if they’re gay, bi, trans, any other minority… or if their sister-in-law’s baby cousin Tracy got a brother and his girlfriend’s black. If they aint black & they have nigga in their vocabulary, they’re a piece of shit, periodT

38. Would you rather have an ugly hairstyle or be bald?

No question about it…

39. At what age did you have your first alcoholic beverage?

Listen, I learned when I was like 8 or 9 to keep my ass in a child’s place when I tried to be slick and take a few sips from a beer can my cousin left on the table… only to get a mouthful of cigarette butts -_-

40. What do you think happens to us when we die?

Nothing, you just dead.

41. What do you think is the best way to quit smoking?

Have some willpower to not be an asshole who pollutes the air I gotta breathe.

42. If you could take home any one animal from the zoo, which animal would you choose?

Penguin

43. We’re humans created or did we evolve from earlier species?

44. What scares you the most?

Dying and being the introvert I am, no one would even know anything was wrong until 6 months went by without hearing from me, and my body’s just laying there decaying and making me unpresentable for my own damn funeral ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

45. What personality trait turns you off the most?

Being disloyal.

46. You got offered a job to do something you hate, but the pay will make you rich. Do you take it?

Yeah… then once I’m rich I’ll quit :)

47. If today you only had what you were thankful for yesterday, how much would you have?

Enough… not enough…

48. How often do you get mad or upset at yourself?

Every damn day

49. If you could choose one celebrity to be your parent, who would you choose?

Michelle or Barack Obama.

50. If you could only listen to one musical artist for the rest of you life, who would you be listening to?

The Rap God himself.

51. Have you ever used you cell phone while driving?

Guilty.

52. Had anyone you were close to die way too young?

Yes.

53. Is world peace possible?

*Refer to question 18*

54. You go on a blind date. You date is extremely ugly and physically appalling, but you are madly in love with their personality. Would you want a second date?

A bomb ass personality is worth a second date.

55. How did you discover that Santa Claus isn’t real?

When I realized that whole story never made any sense… no white dude was coming to the hood to give niggas toys for free. Momma aint raise no dummy.

56. Do you believe in God, or some form of higher deity?

I believe in Deism, the knowledge of a God based on the application of our reason on the designs/laws found throughout nature. The designs presuppose a Designer. Deism is therefore a “natural” religion, not a “revealed” religion. It is the recognition of a universal creative force greater than mankind, supported by personal observation, perpetuated and validated by the innate ability of human reason coupled with the rejection of claims made by individuals and organized religions of having received special divine revelation.

57. If you could save someone you deeply cared about, but it meant breaking a law, would you do it?

IN A HEARTBEAT!

58. What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done for money?

Enlisted in the military.

59. If you were to make a YouTube video about what you know most about, what would the subject be?

Being a ✊🏿 black 🌈 lesbian ♀️ woman.

60. What do you think is your greatest personality flaw?

I have very little patience.

61. If your friends spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still want them as friend?

Hey, if they’re honest then I can’t be mad at em.

62. Have you ever “woke up like this”?

Sometimes I do be waking up like this if I may say so myself

63. You got offered a job to do something you love, but the pay is one of the worst out there. Do you take it?

If it’s not a livable wage then obviously no. But if it’s a livable wage that doesn’t leave me with extra money, then yeah doing what I love is worth the sacrifice.

64. What do you think is your best physical feature?

100% my muscles, I don’t put in work at the gym and eat vegetables for nothing!

65. What do you think is your worst physical feature.

I’m 5′1″… 9 times outta 10 I’m the shortest adult in the room… aint that a bitch

66. Do you know anyone who has committed suicide?

No.

67. What is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone you don’t know?

Not knock them the fck out when they said black people need to be happy white people haven’t made us their slaves again yet.

68. Have you ever had a night’s dream come true?

Idk but I swear I have moments of deja vu tho, then I think maybe they were actually just things I dreamed about in the past… hell if I know.

69. How would you reject a date offer from someone you didn’t like?

Tell them I don’t like them. I’m all about being direct.

70. Which do you think is worse: Failure, or never trying at all?

Never trying. Nothing wrong with trying and failing, everything wrong with being too lazy to even try.

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