#sometimes it's hard to understand new labels but important to remember they mean a lot to the people using them

[itsaceokay]

There have been times when I've heard about a new identity or label and my thoughts weren't as supportive as they should be. I'd catch myself wondering whether they're actually real in that 'kids these days' type of way.

And then I'd think: remember when that was you, remember when nobody believed you, when they said it was all in your head that it wasn't real that you'd grow out of it, remember when you were so alone and invisible and hurting every single day, remember when people thought they knew you better than you knew yourself, when you were dismissed and denied and wondered why you were such a freak and whether there really was something wrong with you?

Remember that?

Sometimes different can seem strange, it can be hard to understand even for those of us who have shared similar experiences. But ultimately we're all people who feel like we don't quite belong and it would be a terrible thing to become like the people who made us feel so alone.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

my issue with right now AAC advocacy, nonspeaking (autistic) advocacy (from individual advocate, to organization like communication first and assistive ware) (mainly outside tumblr), can all be summarize by their one phrase:

“presume competence.”

“wait, what wrong with that? isn’t it good? don’t they follow that?”

half yes. idea is good, hope everyone follow it, must: all disabled people should be give tool & help to learn, all diagnoses, all amount of struggle.

yes, “even” that person diagnose with severe autism & profound ID, who never speak or look like show sign of understand any language, who scream and make noise and run away all time, who give self & other many injury and broke bone and concussion.

but. me problem not with idea. have problem with, use two big complicate word as basic key important idea for movement: a movement for those who hard speech & communication.

this group, naturally mean have many people (more than “average” amount), who hard communicate, hard communicate big words, hard remember big words, hard understand big words.

“then just change name or explain idea, why say it summarize problem with entire movement?”

on tumblr, AAC user community, semi- & nonverbal/nonspeaking community, see lot people who not just struggle with mouth say word, but also with communicate hard. although less, and most borderline or mild, but do have a few people with ID who talk about ID. people with many layer disability, more affected. in fact, in some corner, we loud & seen here in community.

but. outside tumblr—like twitter, where majority AAC & nonspeaking advocacy get most hear, often influence even new AAC apps and AAC company and non profit and (US) law and (US) government groups. but also different organizations, and real life. so basically, people with bigger real life influence. this opposite.

it many life-long nonspeaking autistics with severe motor apraxia, who brain body disconnect cause mouth not able move make noise in way brain want. often diagnose with severe ID back when not able communicate, but now able full communicate, now realize have high IQ, use long sentence, complicate grammar, big words, who can “write right.” many who not be teach communicate or read, but able learn how read write, by self.

—who not speak because motor struggle, but “mind intact” (their word not mine), no fundamental expressive receptive language understand issue (edit: outsude not mouth speak), no intellectual cognitive issue?

they nonspeaking. they AAC user, or speller. yes, they deserve be in community. must be heard. people must realize this form of nonspeaking possible and many people like this. AAC nonspeaking community without them is still leave out people.

but. right now problem is: both them and allies, treat this form nonspeaking as only way be nonspeaking. all nonspeaking people like this. and what this group want (like be call nonspeaking and nonverbal wrong), need apply to all people who not able speak, because they seen as entirety nonspeaking community.

“all nonspeaking (autistic) people like this”—many times imply by never ever mention other “not speak” experience, but sometime even direct say (paraphrase). where my “not speak” friends who have expressive receptive language issues, who trouble communicate even with AAC, who don’t understand other and self communicate at all, who “mind not intact” (whatever that means), who ID not misdiagnose but is actual severe profound ID, who can’t learn AAC can’t ever functional communicate ever?

what about people who “not speak” not just because “motor but everything else fine,” but “motor AND expressive receptive language AND/OR intellectual”? people who don’t have all your abilities?

we not remembered. we not exist. we not talk about.

and this “ignore,” can be see in all area of their advocacy and movement.

the policing “no severe no functioning labels no levels no nonverbal ever they all bad no excuse”: all my friends who call own self by any of that been direct attack harmed many many times by people who say this, so no, there no “personal identify okay” exception. this silence us. anytime we mention how we dare call self, all what we actual say ignored, actual message ignored, and become argue over terms call us ableist, and lock us out block us crowd attack us harrass us—us with communication issues who words hard first place, and who often have big emotional regulate struggle.

harass us lock us out enough. of course we silent, of course we no longer write in community. of course “community” no have us, no one see us. no one know we exist.

the big words. complicate sentences. complicate ideas. everything confuse. overwhelm even parents without intellectual & communication struggles who want learn to help child. not to mention us, who “not speak” include receptive language issues and intellectual disability.

write enough big words. write enough complicate stuff. write enough confuse hard follow stuff. of course we who can’t understand that get frustrate. and stop read. stop be in community.

have ability write professional enough, write approximate closest to nondisabled people enough. not have ID. all advantages that make people listen you more, take you more seriously. but this advantage, or fact this even is advantage that some not have, they not recognize.

whether mean to or not. became “am nonspeaking and proud, but at least have high IQ mind intact and can write ‘normal,’ so still have worth still deserve listen to because still have those redeeming abilities.” —what about those us who don’t?

“what that do with term ‘presume competence’?”

presume competence key idea, root of movement & advocacy.

presume competence, big words, not everyone who struggle speak can say/speak/write/communicate these two words. not all can remember. not all understand. some, will never ever able communicate or understand these two exact words ever in life, even with best support most help.

key slogan of movement, inaccessible to group of people you claim advocate for. same group people you also ignore pretend not exist erase in your advocacy.

this how deep this exclusion and inaccessibility issue run in nonspeaking advocacy.

down to its roots.

[this about nonspeaking movement (especially outside tumblr) and people who do this exclusion + inaccessibility. this not say term nonspeaking bad or all individual nonspeaking person bad.]

[ellesliterarycorner]

Writing a Retelling

I used to not like reading or writing retellings, but I actually think that writing a retelling might be on my bingo card for 2023, so I decided to do some research on writing them and share it with y’all! I think the reason I used to dislike retellings was because they can go SO wrong, and they are really hard to write. But, the more I’ve looked into this, I’ve decided writing retellings is actually a really good exercise for writers. The world’s been around for so long that there are no completely new plots, and taking the essentials plots of one story and turning them into something new is a great exercise in the basics of plotting and understanding the nature of characters. 

Back to the OG

Read the original story! That might seem like an obvious thing, but sometimes it doesn’t feel every author remembers to do this. If it’s a story you haven’t read since you were little, don’t rely on your memory, especially if its a story with a lot of different remakes. Are you writing a retelling of the Disney movie Cinderella or the original Greek folk tale? Spoiler alert, they are not the same. You can write a retelling of either, but you do need to decide early on which one you are doing and stay consistent to it. I also think rereading the original story will remind you why you decided to write a retelling. Something about the story you loved so much you wanted to bring to a new audience or maybe something that felt unfinished or unanswered, and you just had to finish it and find the answered. 

Notes, Notes, Notes

I love taking notes, and I think that especially when writing a retelling copious notes are your best friend. Unfortunately, you aren’t going to be able to fit everything into your retelling, but writing notes on the most important things in the original story will help you have a guiding light and keep you organized. I would definitely recommend that you make a list of characters and their roles in the story. Are you keeping the same protagonist? Do you want to write from the antagonists point of view? Or give a side character their time to shine? I would also make a list of all of the settings in the story. Decide whether or not you’re keeping the same setting or revamping it for your story. Finally, make a list of all the major plot points. You’ll probably add more plot points into your story, but making sure that you know and understand the major plot points in the original story will help you as you’re writing. 

Inspired By or Retelling?

This may just be a personal nit-picky, schematic thing, but imo, a book can be inspired by something without being a retelling. Point and case being my favorite book to bash: A Court of Thorns and Roses. People have stopped leaning on this as much as they used too (mostly because ACOTAR has been rebranded as adult), but when it first came out ACOTAR was very much marketed as a Beauty and the Beast retelling. Me personally, I did not realize it was supposed to be a retelling until one of my friends told me after I had read it. Now, that either means that I have a poor level of reading comprehension or that the book is not a very good retelling. Obviously, I don’t like one of those answers, so let us presume that ACOTAR is not a very good retelling. I would say agree that elements of it are inspired by Beauty and the Beast, but I do not think that it is a retelling. SJM fails to keep many of the major themes and motifs of Beauty and the Beast which I think are necessary elements to qualify under the label retelling. 

But What’s the Twist???

Don’t be afraid to take risks and try new things when you write a retelling! Just because you’re writing a retelling doesn’t mean that you aren’t writing a story in your voice and your style of writing. Stay true to yourself, so long as you treat the original story with respect. A lot of retellings either give the story a new protagonist, a new setting, or set the story in a completely different genre. To get yourself going here are are a few questions to ask yourself after you’ve finished rereading the original story help you figure out what the twist of your retelling is going to be. 

Which of these characters do you feel curious about?

Which of these characters is the most hated / misunderstood?

Which of these characters could have the most interesting growth / character transformation through the course of this story?

How would this setting affect the protagonist and the other main characters? 

How would this setting affect the major conflict of the story?

How would this setting affect the themes of the original story? 

Which themes would be preserved and which themes would no longer feel relevant?

Elle’s Retelling Recommendations

And of course, I had to end this with a few retellings recommendations! Reading other retellings and seeing what other authors did well or not well is a great way to sharpen your own skills. 

Daughters of Sparta by Claire Heywood

I actually really liked this book, but I think its because even though I like Greek mythology, I admittedly am not the most knowledgable on the subject. I know the basics of Greek mythology, but unless something was blatantly wrong, I wouldn’t be able to tell. Apparently, this book had a lot of important Greek mythology plot points missing, but I thought it told the stories of Helen and Klytemnestra very well!

Circe and The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller 

I first read Circe for school, but I went back and read it a year or two ago. I vastly prefer Circe to Song of Achilles as I didn’t really like SoA all that much, but both are definitely retelling masterclasses. Madeline Miller is definitely the Queen of Greek mythology retellings.

Beautiful Little Fools by Jillian Cantor 

This is one of my favorite books ever! I loved the Great Gatsby, and I am a Daisy Buchanan apologist. I love that this book fleshes out all of the female characters from the Great Gatsby, gives them proper back stories and answers one of the biggest questions from the original novel. 

Starcrossed by Josephine Angelini

This book is not the best book, and I only recommend it because it is in my opinion how not to do a retelling or even an inspired by book. My friend group was obsessed with this book in middle school, and the best way I can describe it is if Percy Jackson and Twilight had a baby. Take that as you will. 

[selfpivot]

How to Heal from an Abusive Relationship

“An abusive relationship destroys the soul of a person, but healing begins when you think to work on yourself with love, courage, and self-kindness.”

In this abusive relationship, the healing journey of a person requires huge patience, courage, and self-compassion. If you are reading this blog you are now taking an essential step toward rebuilding your life and happiness. Though this path towards recovery can be devastating, it is important to know that self-healing is possible and the one who suffered a lot in an abusive relationship deserves a peaceful life. In this blog, we will discover some significant pieces of the puzzle that can help you heal and reclaim your life after getting rid of an abusive relationship.

Recognition and Acknowledgment of your sufferings:

The first step to healing is to understand if you are in an abusive relationship. Abuse can be of several types—emotional, physical, financial, or psychological —and the fact is any form of abuse is harmful. Many abusive survivors couldn’t accept what they have been through, particularly when the abuse they went through was not physical. 

Hence, acknowledgment is the first step. It involves noticing your pain.  Associating a label such as ‘Abuse’ might be extremely overwhelming and sometimes even might seem overly exaggerated.

Having support, particularly professional help who holds expertise, allows you to see things as they are, and allows you to acknowledge that yes I was hurt;  yes what I went through, was abuse; I am in an abusive relationship.

“Abusive relationships can make you feel trapped, but learning how to heal from an abusive relationship empowers you to rebuild your life with courage and resilience.” At Self Pivot, we help you Heal from abusive relationships so you can rebuild and find lasting peace

Accepting, Grieving and Rebuilding:

When a person has grown up in an environment where their self was constantly invalidated and they felt unsafe; maltreatment gets normalized. This leads the person to minimize the severity of their experience. If others consistently invalidate their emotions and deny their truths, it can lead a person not only to self-blame but also to confusion. The confusion transcends the situation, it tends to affect every single decision made in life. Was I right to think this way? 

It’s hard to accept that what they had faced was not their fault and that they deserve better. One can go through a period of immense anxiety, hurt, as well as resistance to reality and change. Because changing would mean losing what little is present; the loss of people, the loss of that part of oneself who still hopes to be validated and loved by the same people.

Accepting your pain is going through a range of emotions, and building a new set of skills. It is not about remembering the past but about observing and identifying it so that you can move on to healthier relationships.

Finding your sense of self:

Abuse can threaten and change how you perceive yourself. It can question your self-esteem and self-worth. Exploring and uncovering one’s assumptions and feelings associated with that is a major piece of the puzzle. 

 While the journey of working on one’s self-worth requires a lot of exploration and processing, one can always start with simple steps, 

For instance, choosing one’s hobbies or favorite activities that were kept aside or neglected throughout the relationship. It can help you to meet the earlier version of yourself and revive your strengths. Whether it’s refreshing an old hobby, or learning new things that give you happiness, these activities can lift your confidence.

Affirmations can also be powerful for many. Setting reminders for yourself that you are strong enough and worthy of love, can help work through the deep-rooted negative thoughts from your relationship.

Forgiving yourself:

As one starts processing trauma, it can bring a lot of anger towards oneself as well as regret of not taking appropriate action before, or not making a wise decision with relationships; or ignoring one’s intuition. It is very normal to experience that.

However one must note that such emotions also arise more when we see them in retrospect. In the present perhaps we have the insight that we didn’t before. This could lead to us judging ourselves. 

In those times it is important to remember not just your action but also your context. For example, if one grows up in an environment with poor role models, it is only natural to see the world through that lens. 

When one perceives the context, as well as when one sees their past self as someone who didn’t know better and did whatever was necessary to survive, forgiveness comes easier.

Being Compassionate towards yourself:

Healing is not as simple and straight a path as it looks. There may be some days you can feel an improvement, and other days you may feel yourself caught in the past. In such a state of mind, you need to be patient with yourself. It’s okay if you have hold-ups or delays in healing.

Cheer yourself at every initial step forward. On hard days, remember it’s okay to take a pause. Healing is all about a journey, not a race.

While going through all of it, at the end of the day what you deserve is humanity. 

Setting Healthy Boundaries:

The biggest skill-building required when healing from an abusive relationship is setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Saying no and sticking to your opinion, choices or decisions can be hard, specifically when your boundaries were unnoticed or encouraged earlier. But setting strong limits is critical to retrieving your agency. It could be maintaining the distance from the abuser, withdrawing from shallow relationships, or simply being attentive towards yourself and giving yourself time; boundaries play a key role in healing.

Remember, you have the right to recognize, and decide your needs and well-being without guilt. The process of setting boundaries might mean navigating through a part of anxiety, but at the end of the tunnel lies your true authentic self.

Seeking Support:

Humans are not designed to live in isolation. When one realizes that they have been surviving through so much, one loses faith in people. They feel like they have to take extreme steps, and that too all by themselves. But that need remains the need to be loved, understood, and supported. Denying that means you are depriving yourself once again.

Finding safe spaces to converse, be it support groups, comfortable friends, or professional support, is crucial. Therapists, for instance, can offer strategies to work through your emotions, rebuild your sense of self-worth, and establish healthy boundaries in your life. Numerous helplines and organizational platforms actively help abuse survivors and offer counseling.

Sharing your inner fear with those you can feel trustworthy to keep yourself away from being isolated and silent. In addition, it can provide you with important resources, necessary to pick yourself up.

Back to basics: 

Going through an abusive relationship, it’s natural to feel both physically and emotionally shattered. People need to pay attention to self-care. It includes taking thoughtful steps to foster your body, mind, and soul.

Remember to start with minor acts of self-care—getting sufficient sleep, eating nutritious food, and engaging yourself in some physical activities you like. These small acts can have a greater impact on your well-being and help you feel normal and control your life.

Besides physical care, emotional as well as psychological self-care is important too. Engage yourself in activities that make you happy and provide you peace, it can be reading, drawing, spending some time in nature, or being involved in meditation. Get some time for yourself and give yourself the space to engage in the things that makes you happy and satisfied.

Moving towards a desired future:

When one heals from such adverse experiences, they come out feeling tons of different emotions, going through a period of learning and trying new approaches to life, perceiving things differently. But all of this is incomplete until this learning is connected to the future.

What kind of life do you want to lead going forward?; what kind of relationships do you want going forward?; what would your routine look like? Who would be part of your circle? What would you do differently?

Once you start answering such questions, you automatically have a renewed sense of identity and meaning.

There might still be some days tougher than the other or days when you cannot function as you would like to, but what you have gained now will always be with you.

Conclusion:

“Toxic relationships don’t define you—healing is a powerful step toward taking back your life and finding peace.”

Healing from the trauma of an abusive relationship is hard, but it’s empowering. Taking lessons from your past abusive relationship helps to recognize your preferences from your experiences. Taking someone’s support and working on self-care can help you rebuild your strength and confidence.

Healing may take a lot of time, and seeking help is okay. You deserve care, love, respect, and a peaceful life. Keep focused on moving forward and then you are not away from your brighter days.

In this blog, we have offered practical advice and inspiration to help you in your healing journey, with a gentle tone. Contact Self Pivot if you are going through the tough times and want to know how to deal with abusive Relationship with our Couples therapy Services

[hintsofhoney]

alright, *cracks fingers*. so. I’ve written up a transcript just to lay it all out for myself and get the most important parts. listen, everyone. for all intents and purposes and legal reasons, THIS WAS A DREAM. alright? I dreamt this. and he is literally the nicest human being ever so I don’t want to just like... put our whole convo out there like that, but I think he said some stuff that was important for people to hear so... here we go

my *dreamt* zoom call with thee crowley below the cut

The first five minutes (of my dream) was just a bunch of introduction stuff and talking about my favorite Supernatural seasons which eventually led to him telling me how they filmed the Season 8 finale (which they did over the span of three days, and in between takes the crew members were like dead silent, as to keep the moment going, which Mark thought was really cool. Said it was one of his favorite things they did on Supernatural.) Anyways, he eventually asked me if I had any questions, so, I’ll start there.

MARK: So, do you have any questions you want to ask me about aaaaaannyyyythingggg? 

ME: Um, I guess the number one thing I wanna know… um, so, I know you can’t speak for Dean and I don’t want to talk about Dean because you’re not Jensen, but, there’s like a lot of questions I guess or subtext or whatever concerning Dean’s sexuality and what not, but I want to know about demon Dean and Crowley’s relationship and if there was, I don’t know, anything like, any implied –

MARK: Well I think – I think you’re talking about… there’s a massive difference between sex and love. There’s a massive difference between, um, well, they can intertwine perfectly, that’s not the issue, but I mean you would believe with all the things that Crowley did for the Winchesters, that he was – that he very much loved Sam and Dean or loved who they are or what they are. To reduce it to, you know, a crush, or to something that – I mean, I don’t know, I think Crowley is very probably pansexual more than anything else; I don’t think anything phased him. I think, that’s why the whole stuff with Lucifer and licking the floor was kind of really stupidly boring for me because Crowley did weirder and crazier things on his own. I mean, it became this joke of trying to humiliate somebody who can’t be humiliated. There’s nothing you can humiliate Crowley with. So, that never sort of made sense, that was just a sort of writer’s glitch of thinking, “oooh, this would be funny to knock him down into subservience” and that’s what he does on a Wednesday, I mean it’s like the most un-inspiring thing. I think so much is projected onto the relationship between, certainly the four main characters, um, and, you know, look, getting comfortable with one’s sexuality and one’s identity is a massively complicated things, and if you want to live vicariously through what you believe people’s identity is and you can relate to that, great!  Who cares? I mean, can I be absolutely honest? Apart from – what I do care about, you know, don’t ever take this and piece me or misquote it, because it’s very, very specific – um, somebody stopping somebody being able to express their own identity or whatever is an issue for me. That will always be an issue for me. Um, we should all be treated equally, and we all have the rights to believe and follow those things that we wish to follow, but to project relationships onto characters is an odd thing to do. I mean, it’s wishful thinking in a lot of ways, I mean, actually it’s quite… it’s quite reasonable because in the past if you think about it, if you ask your parents or anyone else, the only way sexuality was used was to, uh, literally demonize somebody. It was only ever used to say somebody was bad because this who they’re in love with. You know, that’s, that’s the thing. And it’s a massive change in the world that we’re moving towards, I should say, uh – a lack of consequence for who one loves, apart from the obvious consequences of human nature. You know, political consequences for who one loves – I’ve just watched Pete Butteigieg being, you know, sitting in congress with his husband there with him; that’s the first time that’s ever happened in United States congress and I’m so proud of that. Not just because the man is gay and happily married – that’s not even the issue for me, it’s because he’s the best man for the job and one of the smartest people on the planet. You know, it’s like using sexual templates, as they were, or gender templates as they are, or orientation templates as they are, we always use to disclude people from things. They were always used to discriminate. You know, labeling somebody was a way of discrimination. And where as labels are very important, to ones self, and they’re very important politically and they’re very important socio-economically and they’re very important in all those aspects, I yearn for a time when nobody gives a damn. I really do. But I mean, we have to go through so much to get there. I mean, let’s be honest, you can’t, you know, right the wrongs of hundreds of years of oppression in 20 minutes by saying, “let’s all move forward”. It just doesn’t work that way, it never has. But there’s a responsibility there, that if you’re going to represent, that you represent all. That you don’t just represent you. So, one has to be careful with a television program or, or, you know, Misha or myself, or, not speaking for the boys, but just generally, um, you have to be careful that what you advocate is inclusive, not disinclusive. Not excluding people... and it’s so hard to frame these conversations, that they’re equitable, it’s so hard to do that. And so, you know, we spend years pointing out the inequity and the injustice and the unfairness of the whole situation, and… I don’t know if the trick is to rise above, or, uh, maybe it’s as simple as love and coming together as a human race and make it very difficult for people to discriminate and exclude based on gender, race, color, religion, any of the subsets of humanity that we’ve decided we have. So, I think personal responsibility is the most important thing, but if one is in a position of power on a TV show, you got to remember what you’re representing, that you have a, you know, you have to cover all or cover none. So, you know, but if you stick to a story and you have a story about a person or two people and their journey, that’s shining light on things. If you try to advocate for all, I think it becomes a little more complicated. Does that make sense?

so, i just feel like he said some important things there, but like I also don’t really understand what he’s getting at really, y’know? oh! also, he didn’t watch the finale lmao 

also! there’s this:

MARK: Because if you come down on one side or another, you’re admitting the sides, and that has its own political ramifications. If you push the ball up in the air and say, “you decide”, I don’t think that’s copping out. I think that’s, maybe not fulfilling everybody’s expectations, or not fulfilling everybody’s hopes, but at least you’re getting the question asked. You know, at least you’re getting the question asked. At least people are relating to it and going, “well, what if?”. Because it’s all “what if”, I mean, it’s a TV show, so it’s “what if”, you know? It’s not Misha being in love with Jensen, I mean as much as he loves Jensen, I don’t think that’s his thing – I mean you never know – but I’m saying yet again, I don’t exclude anything from anybody (I LITERALLY CAN’T BELIEVE HE SAID THIS LMAO). But to force my opinion or my identity belief upon a situation has a cost. It may be right, it may be absolutely right, and it may be necessary in many, many cases. But, in that circumstance, I think… there are a lot of people in the world that say that Jesus, for example, was anti-homosexual and that he was – and none of that is true, and none of that is provable in the New Testament, and I’m not talking about Leviticus and I’m not talking about early Bible and I’m not talking about the fact that more than 25,000 words have been changed in the King James edition and all of this stuff, but these things that people hold so sacred, the confusion that arises from that is being told that a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman or a man loving a man and a woman or whatever combination being there is either right or wrong because you’re being told by a pastor or the leaders of your church, is a very difficult thing to break down. I think what you have to do is at least put it out there so it’s visible, and so it becomes less and less deniable. And you know, people change over years, that’s the trouble with youth, is shit doesn’t move fast enough. “I need a decision now!”, and unfortunately, when you’re dealing with centuries of prejudice and centuries of un-enlightenment, I think that sometimes the best thing to do is reach as many people as possible and pose the question. And sometimes it’s essential to make a statement, absolutely, no question. It is essential to make a stand, in some circumstances. But to polarize a TV show, can be very disingenuous to those who need to go ask their own questions, who need to go say, “well, where does Jesus say this is wrong?” you know, if that’s your beliefs.

he also said, when we went off on a tangent about doom patrol:

MARK: There are issues that are being addressed here [on Doom Patrol] that are not being addressed on other shows, and yet again, we have the format, and I don’t know that Supernatural ever had the format because it was on the CW.

anywho, in conclusion, fuck the cw.

also, again, for all intents and purposes this was a dream I had :)))))))

[eremiie]

Hello there how is everything I am a fan of AOT and I wanted to ask you if it okay you can do a headcanon of eren and zeke dating a black s/o

dating a black s/o;

❥ hiii, i hope you enjoy, ty for the request, i’m a poc so this is nice :)

eren jaeger

first of all he fucking loves you, like he’s infatuated with you because you’re so beautiful and just everything you do is like wow.

let’s start with your hair, he loves it so much and he’s always trying to touch it even when you tell him not to lmao

he’ll sit in the bathroom with you while you do your hair and just talk to you while reading the labels of the products you use

he spritz the spray bottle at your hair sometimes just for fun too 

one time you let him try to braid your hair and the braids weren’t terrible but he knotted a lot of your hair ngl😭

he gets so confused when you ask him to buy certain products and constantly comes home with the wrong stuff

“what do you mean this isn’t it? baby, it literally says deep condition creme!” “but it’s not the same, i wanted the coconut oil one!” “well this is the castor oil one, it’s basically the same thing.”

no eren. no, it is not the same thing.

he likes joining you in the shower for wash days sometimes, but he probably leaves halfway through the shower because you’re taking way too long

he hates that sticky feeling of lip gloss but just the way it makes your lips look he finds it so alluring, he’ll peck little kisses on your lips all the time and then wipe his mouth after 

he loves your cooking. he really enjoys it and is always open to try new things, he swears he’s getting the most exotic shit even though it’s literally just baked mac n cheese or something...

“baby what is this? it is so good.” “eren it is literally fried okra.”

you put him onto so many songs and he can probably belt out the lyrics to some of your favorite artists because he’s heard their songs so many times

occasionally if you’re just dancing in the kitchen and getting down, he’ll join you for a few minutes even though he looks like a complete fool (i doubt he can dance, but he thinks he’s doing an amazing job💔)

sometimes he can ask a lot of questions when he’s bored to know more about your culture, heritage, etc because he thinks it is genuinely interesting

he def seems like the type to put #blm in his bio or something, or post a black screen to show his support 

he brags about you all the time to his friends, he just thinks you’re so cool and not in like a weird way, just genuine admiration for you, and he has a lot of pride that he even had a chance with you, it’s endearing

zeke yeager 

zeke automatically thinks you’re the baddest bitch he’s ever seen, i mean he’s all for you 

i mean this dude was like AWOOGA when he first saw you— pls😭

and it’s not that he brags about you, it’s just more of a “you see her? yeah, she’s mine.” but he doesn’t say it audibly, he just flaunts you in a more physical way

zeke actively tries to help with your hair but it’s more to pester you than anything, like he’ll comb the ends of your hair carelessly and you’ll slap his hands away 

not that he’s not trying or anything but he just doesn’t know what he’s doing LMAO

since i keep talking about the lipgloss thing since i find it funny, zeke out of these 3 doesn’t mind the lip gloss at all, he actually probably goes out of his way to kiss you, and ngl he probably licks the lipgloss you left on his mouth or something jokingly—

zeke lets you talk to him about anything, your culture, foods you want to try to make, issues that you have, and he’ll casually pitch in his own questions and stuff like that, he’s a good listener

if you’re at the store together looking for hair products and stuff he’ll just point to random stuff and tell you you should get it, even if he knows it won’t work for your hair

“what about this, sweetheart? i think this is pretty neat.” “zeke... that is tresemme... i need shea moisture shampoo.” “well i use this, it works just fine.” *cue a staring contest between zeke’s beard and you* “yeah... it’s working i guess.”

but in the end he probably understands why you use certain products and why you can’t use certain products, he just likes messing with you.

he really enjoys your cooking and probably tries to be in the kitchen with you and help you cook, he’s good company and he’s not to bad at cooking himself 

he’ll also give you recipes you should try that he’s seen as well, he just thinks that if you cook it, it automatically tastes better LMAO

he’s like a little sugar daddy, if you want him to buy you a $300 lace front he probably will, or if you want him to buy you some expensive ass shoes he probably will

he probably put on your bonnet or wig just to make you laugh or something, it was actually quite funny—

he treats you like a little princess too, like he’ll probably check the weather and be like “honey, we can’t go out today it’s too humid for your hair.” and he’s really just pretentious about little things like that, he goes out his way to make sure you’re okay, and good, especially when it comes to things that are important to you

he asks you if you can comb his hair and oil his scalp and stuff like that for fun, and lets you braid his hair and beard for practice, he just sits back and enjoys😭😭

levi ackerman

i feel like levi doesn’t show his admiration as much but deep down it’s definitely there, he finds you interesting, and an amazing individual

he has probably stuck around once or twice to watch your hair routine but he’s not always there to watch, the funny thing is though he probably remembers it; you’ve had him help you with the routine before and you were surprised when he wasn’t even really listening to what you were saying cause he kind of already knew what to do

“so then you’re gonna— yeah, yeah... how’d you know?” “i’m not stupid, i’ve seen you do it before.” “yeah— like once!”

we love our educated king <3

he’s surprisingly gentle when he’s doing it too, like his hands are so delicate and light and he’s lowkey afraid to hurt you so you have to tell him to be a little rougher when trying to untangle/comb through your hair

he will not kiss you when you have lip gloss on. i’m sorry but he doesn’t like the feeling, and if you kiss him he’ll wipe it off of his lips immediately, he doesn’t like it at all

he rarely brings home the wrong items if you ask him to run to the beauty supply or something. it’s just not hard to get the right thing, he looks at the photo of the product you sent him and scavengers the isles. he hates going for beauty supply runs though because he doesn’t like getting stared at, he’d rather go with you instead of by himself

he thinks your cooking is good but he’s not that surprised to be honest, maybe the first time you could see in his face that he was enjoying it but he never really exaggerates how good it is like eren would.

he does ask for another plate though, and if you tease him about that he rolls his eyes😭

he doesn’t take racism, any of that lightly, i can definitely see him getting immediately defensive over the slightest things that could even come off racist to you. it’s not that he’ll immediately say something but he does get sus of the person and a little more protective of you 

he probably secretly has so many pictures of you in his phone, and one of them is definitely his lock screen because he finds you so gorgeous 

he probably would put your bonnet on your head for you if you forgot it before going to sleep, or wake you up to put it on

he probably knows some hair care tips because he does his own research for your sake, he wants to know as much as you do so he can be a help; so even if you already knows what he’s telling you, act like its new information, you’ll see his eyes light up a little bit when you tell him you’ll try that next time :’))

he complains about your hair being left everywhere though, i also think he doesn’t like to participate in your wash days because he doesn’t like seeing your hair everywhere

but despite this he still is usually the one to clean it up if you’re taking too long to, thank you levi<33

another thing is, if you have beads in your hair, he really likes it because the sound they make is somewhat relaxing to him + it lets him know when you’re around, it’s almost comforting sob sob

[alex-writes-things]

How to Write An Aromantic Or Asexual Character

Right, so, I already made a post on this last summer. However, I’ve realised that it wasn’t very accurate, and since there were so many suggestions in the comments I’ve decided to make a new, improved version. I hope you find this helpful and enjoy including some excellent representation!

This is using my own experience, notes from others, and my research on the topic. I’ve spent many nights twisting and turning and researching different orientations and labels that could fit me, and although now I’ve decided on queer (though I’m openly acespec) that research has come in handy!

What does ‘aromantic’ mean?

Someone who is aromantic feels little to no romantic attraction or desire. They may be romance repulsed, but not always. 

What does ‘asexual’ mean?

Someone who is asexual feels little to no sexual attraction or desire. They may be sex repulsed, but not always.

Is that it?

No! There’s a whole massive spectrum of identities that fall under the aspectrum, including demisexual, demiromantic, greyromantic and greyromantic (but there are many more than this). Definitions for these can be found online, and on social media accounts dedicated to aro/ace experiences, such as @justaroacethings or you can ask me!

Struggles related to asexuality and aromanticism

I think my asexuality was and is the hardest thing to come to terms with about my sexuality and identity. Most days, it’s something I’m proud of, and though I don’t shout about it, and I haven’t told my family, it actually makes me quite happy.

If you’re not aromantic or asexual or somewhere on the spectrum yourself, while I urge you to have aro and ace characters in your stories, please avoid writing a story about these experiences. However, it’s important to know what can be hard for us! Amatanormativity and allonormativity make us victims, and teach society that we are inhuman, and teach us that we aren’t acceptable. This is wrong, but it is something many of us struggle with and it doesn’t hurt to mention in the story!

HOWEVER: WE ARE NOT INHERENTLY SAD OR ASHAMED. BEING ARO/ACE IS COOL AND A LOT OF US ARE PROUD, SO PLEASE, HAVE A PROUD CHARACTER, BECAUSE WE NEED MORE OF THOSE!

Don’t aspec people get lonely?

Well, firstly, romantic and sexual relationships aren’t the only kinds of love and aren’t the only sources of happiness! We can have friends, family, pets, and date (yes, even aromantics, because attraction doesn’t equate to action) and there are also things called QPRs (queerplatonic relationships) which are really cool and might be good to look into!

Do’s for writing aromantic characters

- let them have friends and family and people around them that they love or that love them

- state that they’re aro, if they know and the world is one in which aromanticism is known of. if not, let them describe their feelings! even if there’s no word to describe it, it’s not too difficult to communicate!

- consider whether they feel awkward in romantic situations, and whether they’ve had a relationship in the past, whether it failed, made them realise they were aro/arospec, or even if it worked!

- you don’t need to include the hardships they face, but if you think you can do that well and it will add to the story ask me or an aro/ace friend to have a look over it!

- remember that they can still experience sexual attraction!!

Don’ts for writing aromantic characters

- don’t make them sad and lonely. this enforces amatanormativity and the idea that you need romance to live a happy life!

- they don’t need to be afraid of affection and physical contact. i’ve met aros who only felt repulsed by these things when clearly they were romantic gestures.

- don’t make being aromantic their only personality trait

- please don’t enforce the stereotype that they are rude and unloving- this isn’t true. 

- don’t make them hate themself for being aro. this is harmful and although is sadly sometimes the case, it’s not something we need to see in fiction

Dos for writing asexual characters

- give them a romantic partner if that’s something they want

- remember that while some aces are sex repulsed, not all are, and we aren’t necessarily scared of sex!

- once again, give them friends and family too if they want that!

-  state that they’re ace, if they know and the world is one in which asexuality is known of. if not, let them describe their feelings! even if there’s no word to describe it, it’s not too difficult to communicate!

- consider how they may feel in intimate situations 

Don’ts for writing asexual characters

- don’t make them afraid of physical contact

- don’t make them sad and lonely because of their asexuality

- don’t make being ace their only personality trait

- don’t sexualise or fetishize them (or anyone!!)

- don’t focus on how ‘abnormal’ they are, because it’s not true! 

What is repulsion like?

Repulsion can be nausea, anxiety, feeling uncomfortable, feeling irritated or frustrated, or an urge to run away etc. There’s not only one way to experience this. 

Conclusion

Everyone experiences being on the aspectrum so differently- these are just some tips to help you better understand these identities and hopefully better your representation and make a deep, inoffensive aro/ace character!

[oakleaf--bearer]

@jonmartinweek day two - injury!

also on ao3

When dealing with matters of the heart, Jon was about the furthest from a natural that there could be. 

He was... rusty to say the least. Awkward was a generous way to put it. Completely and utterly useless was far more accurate. 

So when Georgie had laughed and asked when he and Martin had started dating, he had been understandably taken aback and politely asked her what she meant by that. ("Georgie, what the fuck?" had been his exact wording). She'd shrugged and patted his knee, telling him that he should probably talk to Martin as soon as he got back to the Institute. 

He stared down at the ring sat on the table, a frown creasing his forehead. It had been something of a whim purchase. He had bought it several years ago after reading about the concept online, and he'd just....not taken it off. Every time it left his hand, he'd itched to put it back on as soon as possible. 

And now, a blistering burn mark on his hand was stopping him from putting it back on. A small, mostly insignificant piece of his identity stripped back and taken away from him. 

A gentle knock at the door startled him out of his quiet contemplation. 

"Hello." Martin poked his head around the door. "Tea?"

"Thank you, Martin."

Martin smiled, and Jon remembered Georgie's assumption. Would he? It wasn't the most unimaginable thing in the world. Martin was friendly. Charming, comfortable, welcoming. But dating? Maybe... But Jon had done dating before. He'd explained what the ring in the table meant to enough people that he was tired. Tired of the assumptions, the questions, the idea that there was one person out there who would change his mind, all he needed was a good- 

Martin wasn't that person. When Jon ran through the mental 'relationship checklist', he could imagine so many different aspects with Martin. Holding hands, going on dates, even waking up next to each other, but that particular facet of a relationship was completely unimaginable. It wasn't that Martin was unattractive, simply that Jon just didn't see the attractiveness like that. 

"What's that?" Martin gestured to the ring. 

"Oh, uh, nothing." Jon covered it with his good hand. "Just a- nothing."

"Riiight." Martin placed the tea on his desk, in easy reach. "Keep your secrets then."

"Hmm." Jon hummed, still examining Martin's face. 

"Jon? You alright?" 

"Oh!" Jon realised he was staring and quickly looked away. "Sorry." 

"It's okay." Martin said with an audible smile that made Jon's heart do something ridiculous. 

"Martin..." Jon didn't really know what he was going to say. "Are you- I- Hmm." 

"Take your time."

"Have lunch with me. That is, if you want to, please don't feel like I'm pressuring you, you can say no if you-"

"Jon." Martin put a hand on his desk, gentle, a calming reminder of a calming man. "I'd love to." 

Jon stared at the hand. It was larger than his own. When he'd arrived back in the archives, trailing blood and exhaustion behind him, Martin had sat and re-wrapped the clumsy bandages he had put on it, patiently telling him off for not going to a doctor and getting it checked. Jon hadn't been able to look away from his hands then either, just gazing at them with sleepy eyes, his mind fixed on the image of Martin taking care of him. Carefully picking up the pieces he had left flung about the place and putting them back together, gently slotting them back into place.

Martin took him to a sandwich place around the corner from the institute. Jon stared at the menu, trying to decipher the swirling font. The letters swam slightly as he read them, the words jumbling together. 

“Jon?” Martin bumped their shoulders together lightly, bending down to Jon's height to compensate for the difference. “What are you going to order?”

 “I-  What do you recommend?” 

Martin smiled. “Hmm. How about the tuna and sweetcorn? It’s a classic, you know?”

“Sure.” 

Martin ordered for them and nudged Jon towards a table in the corner. Jon went willingly, content to listen to Martin chatter away about the wait times and the various bouts of  people-watching he had gotten up to in this cafe. Despite Jon’s lack of contributions, Martin seemed to be fine carrying the conversation on his own. A couple of people gave them odd glances, no doubt wondering what Martin, kind, gentle-looking Martin, was doing with a grumpy sack of exhaustion. Externally, they didn't match. They were diametrically opposed, two entities that shouldn't exist in the same space without causing some kind of epoch changing event. 

But the more Jon pondered it, the more he realised that he wanted to be here, sat opposite Martin, listening to him talk, letting him order his sandwiches and hold his hand-

Jon’s brain skipped a beat. 

Martin had placed his hand over Jon’s where it rested on the table and was staring at him, concern across his face. “Jon? You okay?”

‘I care about him’, Jon realised with a start. ‘This is my friend.’

Martin nudged his hand around so that he could properly take it in his own. The motion dislodged the ring that Jon still held clutched in his bandaged fingers. It clattered out, its black outline stark against the faded beige of the tabletop. 

“Oh, sorry.” Martin picked it up to hand it back to Jon. “You might want to be a bit more careful. You don't want to lose this.”

“What?” Jon stared down at Martin’s hand. It felt ridiculous to see Martin holding out his ring and for Jon to feel this weightless. The gentle curl of Martin’s fingers around the band set Jon’s mind whirling down avenues lined with graffiti reading ‘Just tell him’ and ‘Maybe it will go well’. 

Jon took a deep breath and took the plunge. 

“I’m sorry, Martin.”

Martin blinked. “R-right? What for?”

“All of it.” Jon reached out and covered Martin’s, still holding Jon’s ace ring up in front of them. “You were always- I’m glad you're here. With me.” He carefully took the ring and let go of Martin’s hand. It looked shockingly sad sitting in the palm of Jon’s bandaged hand. Another piece of who he was now associated with pain. An uncomfortably familiar reality that Jon was steadily becoming used to. 

Martin reached across the table and gave Jon’s hand a quick squeeze. Jon hissed at the jolt of pain lacing up his arm. 

“Oh god, Jon, I’m so sorry, I didnt- I didnt think, that was stupid of me-” Martin’s hands fluttered in the air around Jon’s. “God, that was awful of me, I’m really sorry-”

“It’s okay,” Jon said, grabbing at Martin with his uninjured hand. “It’s fine, it's already passed.” 

Martin gave him an apologetic smile, but didn’t argue. “That’s important to you, huh?”

“Hmm?”

“The ring. I’ve seen you wear it a lot. Does it mean something?”

“Oh.” Jon hadn't considered the possibility that Martin might be aware of the ring's existence. In his head, it existed in a bubble, separate from work and his colleagues. It made sense, he supposed, that Martin was able to see into that bubble, since its edges had been bumping against Jon’s perception of Martin for a little while now. “It, ah, its a- Its a sexuality thing.”

To Martin’s credit, he didn’t even blink at the idea that Jon might not be straight, just nodded and smiled encouragingly. “I thought so. Asexuality, right?” 

“Wha- Yes.” Jon had been gearing up to explain the intricacies of asexuality, not for Martin to already have that knowledge. 

“It came up when I was doing research trying to figure out my own sexuality.”

That caught Jon off guard. For some reason, throughout all of his deliberations trying to figure out where on Jon’s internal spectrum Martin sat, he had failed to consider the actual real life possibility of Martin’s queerness. “You’re-”

“Oh, I’m not ace.” Martin shook his head. “At least, I don't think so. Labels,” he chuckled. “Confusing stuff. I usually just go with gay and trans to sum me up.” 

A small, overlooked lightbulb in the back of Jon’s mind flickered to life as a couple of pieces of information fell into place with a quiet ‘oh!’

“I saw the ring but I didn't want to ask in case it was just a style thing. A lot of people don't know about this stuff and it's sometimes hard to tell, you know?”

“Right.”

“I guess the bandages stop you wearing it, right?” It was a non-sentence, a piece of idle observation that Martin was making. But it still stung. 

“It feels somewhat ridiculous to say but- I think I’m going to miss it. It’s just a ring, it's not my entire sexuality, I’ll still be ace without wearing it, but I’m still- It feels like I’m missing a piece of something that I was trying to hold onto, you know?”

Martin nodded. “I understand. Here-” he reached up and unclasped a thin chain that had been hanging around his neck. “You can borrow this. I’ll take these off for now.” He slipped off a couple of charms that had been hanging on it. Smiling, he held out the chain.

“You- You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” Martin wiggled the chain in the air between them slightly. “You can give it back when your hand is better.”

Wordlessly, Jon took the chain and looped the ring onto it. He lifted to try and fix the clasp around his neck, but he couldn't get the clasp open. Martin pushed his chair back, coming to stand behind Jon, taking the chain out of his hands and closing the clasp for Jon. 

“There.” Martin smoothed Jon’s collar down. “That looks nice!”

“Thank you.” Jon whispered, then louder, “Thank you, Martin. This- This means a lot.” 

Martin shrugged a little awkwardly, cheeks turning red. “No trouble. It means a lot to you, so, you know, you should be able to carry it with you.”

He smiled down at Jon, and once again Jon felt the small jolt of recognition, of comfort. The bubble in his mind fully merged with Martin, creating something new that, at least for a few more long, exhausting months, Jon didn't know to call love.

[capricornwriter5]

Always on time - Chapter 2

Pairing: Jooheon x female OC

Genre: childhood friends to enemies, enemies to friends, friends to lovers, smut (later chapters), fluff, angst, slow burn. 

Words: 6k

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Chapter 2

Jules' heels resonated in the wide gallery space with every step she took. She had a lot to do. A renowned Japanese artist had chosen the art gallery she worked in to make the first exhibition of his new collection of paintings. Julianne had been personally involved in the planning of each of the details of the exhibition. From the order in which the works would be arranged to the type of napkins they would have in the snack area, everything had passed through her hands and nothing had left without her approval.

"This light bulb has to be changed," Jules told one of her assistants, "the color of the light is not right and out of tune with the others. And here, you have to raise the label of 'Don’t touch' to be at the level of people’s eyes..."

So it went on all day. Julianne worked out all the details for the exhibition that would take place the next day. This was her biggest and most important project so far, it had to be perfect.

Once everything was ready, Julianne left the gallery and headed for her car to go home. Just as she sat behind the wheel, her phone rang. It was Kang-Dae.

"Hi, oppa, I just finished at the gallery and..."

"Julie-ah, you forgot about today, right?" he interrupted her in mid-sentence.

About today?

SHIT, ABOUT TODAY!

"Oppa, I’m so sorry" Julianne began to say "I lost track of time, I remembered the event all week and today I forgot. What time is it? It’s not that late, I still have time to get there, right? I think in the car I have an elegant pair of shoes and a nice blazer and a bag to go with them. Yeah, here they are, I just put them on and that’s it".

"Julie, Julie" she was cut by him "calm down, love, I didn’t mean it as a claim, I’m sorry if it sounded like that. I know you’re busy with tomorrow’s exhibition. Don’t worry, in any case, it’s very boring, I think I’ll leave right after dinner, so go home and rest. I’m sure your feet are killing you after a whole day of walking in heels. Don’t worry and go to rest, I’ll take care of my mother, I’ll tell her something and she will understand”.

Julianne felt terrible. How could she have forgotten that today was the gala where her mother-in-law would be recognized for the charities she has promoted? God, she had to be stupid.

"I’m so sorry, oppa" she apologized. "My head is in the clouds. I know how important tonight was for your family and I wanted to be there with you. I can still make it, you know? The blazer and the extra shoes were true".

"Nonsense" he said. "The last thing I want is to force my girlfriend to come to an event full of strangers after a hard day’s work. Don’t worry about anything, I mean it".

"Well... okay, I guess we can..." she started saying, but she was cut by her boyfriend.

"Ah, Julie, I’m sorry, but they’re calling me. I have to hang up. Rest and we’ll talk tomorrow. Don’t worry about anything, love, okay? Well, goo night" and with that, Kang-Dae ended the call.

Julie sat still for a moment. He was busy, she understood but having a sentence cut off never feels right. Anyway, it was nothing to go thinking too hard about, so Julie just put her cell phone back in her purse, put on her seat belt, and started the car.

The streets weren’t so full of cars. Judging by the time, office workers had long since left their jobs and were probably having dinner with their families or colleagues. In addition, it was Wednesday night, so the bars and roads were not as crowded with young people as on weekends. Julie appreciated that the traffic was light, so she could put the radio on and clear her mind a bit to the rhythm of the music.

At that time a song from a group of female idols began to play. Julie didn’t follow any bands, but she knew some songs from some groups and always liked discovering a new band she liked. Sometimes she missed her school days when she had enough free time to spend listening to music half the day. In those years she discovered many artists, both national and foreign, who caught her attention and also heard many genres that her mother-in-law would probably disapprove of. The lady was... conservative.

Of course, she didn’t discover them alone. He always had something new to show her.

No, Julie, don’t think about the past, she said to herself as she shook her head.

Julie stopped the car in front of a red traffic light and breathed a couple of times to put her mind blank. There was no point in remembering those things, anyway, she was sure he didn’t waste time with those memories.

The light changed from red to green, but Julie didn’t notice. She was immersed in her thoughts until the car horn behind her made her jump in her seat and she realize she had to move forward. She stepped on the accelerator and, shaking her head once more, concentrated on the road ahead until she reached her apartment building.

*****

Julie was ready to go to rest. She had arrived at the building where she rented an apartment a couple of hours ago. She cooked dinner, read for a while, and was done with her night routine. She was ready to turn off the light when her cell phone started ringing.

She picked it up from her bedside table and saw that it was her mother calling. Considering it was already late, Julie immediately answered thinking something had happened, but her mother’s cheerful voice quickly calmed her down:

"Julie! Sweetie, how are you?" her mother greeted her as soon as she answered the call.

"Hi, Mom" she replied. "Is everything okay? It’s a little late".

"Oh, Julie, I’m sorry, I didn’t notice what time it was. I was just talking to Jooheon’s mom, your friend from school, remember?"

Julie froze. She did not expect that question from her mother.

"Sweetie, are you still there?"

"Ah? Ah! Yes, yes, I am still here" she said. For the second time that night, she had been left speechless by Lee Jooheon. What was wrong with her?

"Do you remember him, sweetie?" insisted her mother. "You were so close. You did everything together, even getting into trouble".

"Yes, Mom, I remember," Julie said. "What about him?"

"Well," his mother continued, "although I know that you are no longer in touch because of work and so on, I have talked to Jooheon’s mom a few times these years. I told her about you and your job and she told me how hard her son works and how hard it is to be an idol and..."

"Mom, he’s not the only one who has a difficult job," Julie said a little upset. Her mother had always worshipped Jooheon, it’s true, and she had sometimes been jealous. She thought she had moved on from it... apparently not.

"Sure, honey, you work hard too, I know," her mother replied with a calm tone. "Anyway, she told me that she had prepared a special gift for Jooheon for his birthday. It’s in a week, remember? And it turns out that today he and his band have the last concert of their tour in Seoul, so she thought it would be nice to prepare a presentation with pictures of Jooheon as a baby, isn’t that an adorable idea?"

"Emmm, yes, I suppose," Julie said. In reality, "adorable" would not be the word she would use: embarrassing, strange, unsuitable to the public would be more appropriate adjectives.

"I know, right?! Oh, and she told me that you’re in most of the pictures, so she is going to send me a copy of the presentation. I can send it to you if you want".

"I’m fine, Mom," Julie replied as she yawned. "That was a long time ago, I don’t need the pictures".

"Oh, sure, I understand," her mother said somewhat discouraged.

Julie felt bad about answering her mother with such a dry tone, but the last thing she needed was more memories of him.

"Mom, I’m sorry, but today was a very tiring day. Would you like me to call you tomorrow morning?"

"Oh, yes, yes, sweetie, go and rest," her mother said. "I’m sure you’re super tired with tomorrow’s exhibition coming on, but you’ll see that everything will be perfect. Anyway, I’ll leave you. Sweet dreams, Julie".

"Good night, Mom".

4 months later

Julie was happy. She felt that her hard work was finally being recognized.

Her last exhibition had been a total success, they even had to extend it one month more and several recognized critics had written favorable reviews of the artist, his works, and the curating process carried out by Julie and her team.  

It was not the first time that an exhibition organized by Julie was reviewed in a newspaper, but they had never been as successful as this one and they had never had to expand the time the exhibition was open to the public. Everyone was happy: the artist, her boss, her boyfriend. Everything was perfect.

Now, a month after that project had ended over, the art gallery was still receiving visitors and Julie was looking for ideas and inspiration for her next exhibition. Her boss had sent her to some art auctions to renew the selection of the gallery and Julie had had the opportunity to see other styles and artistic techniques, but nothing that caught her attention.

"Julie-ssi, do you have a moment?" her boss said outside her office.

"Sure, Mr. Kim, what do you need?" she asked.

"We have a special order. He’s a private client who’s looking for a work of art that is, and I quote, 'new, fresh, novel, different from what collectors usually buy, something your grandchildren would like to throw away for not knowing how to appreciate it, but they would never do it because it would remind them of their beloved grandfather and his extravagant taste,'" Mr. Kim said, reading on his tablet the email that had reached him.

"Emmm, ok. That’s both specific and ambiguous" was the only thing Julie could say to such a... particular request.

"It is. I was thinking about you helping me with this."

"Me?" Julie asked a little worried. She could organize large events and exhibitions without much trouble, but buying for private clients was not her strong suit. The taste in art was very subjective and, well, sometimes people’s standards were hard to achieve. And someone who gave a description like that fell into the "tough customer" box.

"Yes, but don’t worry too much," her boss told her. "It says here that he is evaluating options, so what he wants is that we send him options of works that can fit that description and, if he is satisfied, he will contact us to make the purchase".

"I understand," Julie said. "Well, I guess I can pick something up and send it to him by the end of the week."

"Perfect, Julie-sii!" her boss said. "Well, I’ll leave you to it. I look forward to the proposal on Friday morning" and with that, Mr. Kim left her alone.

It was only Tuesday, and it was 1 p.m., so she had two and a half days to put together a proposal with a selection of works for the client to choose from. The selection parameters were: new, fresh, novel, different from other collections. It wasn’t like that restricted the options, but it was a starting point. At least she could set aside any work made with classical or traditional techniques.

Where could she start looking? Following artistic trends? Year? Theme? Period? Artist?... What if she started with the type of work, the materials, or the media? The client never said if he wanted a painting, a sculpture, a portrait, an engraving... he just said "artwork," so Julie could start her search based on the type and material of the artwork.

After a couple of hours, Julie decided to put together the proposal with photographic works. She selected some fine art photography and abstract photography pieces from artists such as Kirsten Mitchell, Elzime, James McLarnan, Alex Stoddard, Corrie White and Alan Cleaver. She was so focused that she didn’t realize how late it was. The clock said it was 10 p.m. and Julie was the only one left in the gallery. She decided to stop for today, tomorrow she would review the proposal, make sure the selected pieces were available for purchase and send the document to Mr. Kim.

****

On Friday morning Mr. Kim knocked on Julie’s office door again with a smile on his lips.

"Good morning, Julie-sii. You got a minute?"

"Good morning, Mr. Kim".

"I have good news," his boss said. "The customer loved your selection of photographs. He wants to buy three pieces through the gallery. Could you take care of the purchase?"

"Sure, I’d be delighted. I’m glad the proposal was to his liking," Julie replied. "You leave me the contact information of the customer and I will coordinate the purchase and delivery of the pieces".

"Well, the communication with the person is done only by mail," Mr. Kim said. "Both payment and delivery would be coordinated via email, here is the address".

It wasn’t the first time a client behaved like this. For some reason, some of them wanted to keep their identities confidential. Julie always thought it was strange, but she figured they had a reason for doing it that way.

Julie took the paper where Mr. Kim had written the client’s email address and the name of the three pieces selected. The mail was go5rae_7@naver.com and the selected pieces were Peering into the distance by Elzime, Alan Cleaver’s Wave Reflextions and James McLarnan’s Really wet window.

Julie thought that a person’s artistic taste said a lot about their perception of life, and in the case of this client, she thought he should feel a little lonely. The three photographs were wonderful and were of those minimalist images that said a lot, but they said it in whispers, without shouting or flaunting colors or striking shapes.

Anyway, her job wasn’t to analyze the people who entered the gallery, so she’d take care of the purchase and that’s it.

"Very well, Mr. Kim," said Julie, "don’t worry about a thing, I will handle the purchase with all discretion and as soon as possible".

"Thank you very much, Julie-ssi," her boss said as he left the office.

In the following hours, Julie contacted the galleries that had the pieces on sale to confirm, again, their availability. She also wrote to the client to introduce herself and ask about the purchase budget; to the latter, he replied that he was willing to pay what Julie, as a professional, considered fair. It wasn’t the first time they left the price negotiation in her hands, so Julie didn’t even flinch.

By the end of the day, Julie had negotiated the prices of the three photographs, coordinated their import to Korea, since they came from two galleries in Europe and another in the United States, and calculated the delivery dates to then coordinate with the customer the delivery address to send the artwork once the images were in Julie’s gallery. Emails came and went, and every time Julie received a message from the client, she couldn’t help but feel that she had seen that name, or user, elsewhere.

Maybe it was just her imagination. The week had been long and tiring, but it was over. Julie had two days off before she had to help Rei with her oil art exhibit and had plans with her mother.

She was tired but happy.

3 days later

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry" came Julianne apologizing. "I’m so sorry, Areum-ah. I missed the hour and the traffic was terrible and..."

"Julie, relax," her friend told her as she helped her take off her heels and coat to get into the apartment. "You’ve been full of work, I understand. Honestly, I don’t understand why you volunteered to organize the alumni meeting. It’s not like you have time to spare".

"Yes, well, I like to organize events, you know," Julie said. "Besides, I wasn’t going to leave this meeting in the hands of Kim Kyug-Bok. He would have made us pay three times more, and who knows what kind of disaster he would have organized".

"True" Areum said, "although I still don’t think you should have volunteered as the lead organizer".

"Anyway, everything is almost ready," Julie replied with a smile as she sat on the sofa in her friend’s living room. "The hotel is confirmed, we were given a salon on the fourth floor and, in a few days, I have to go there to check the activities options of the party package that we were offered. We already rented the chairs, the tables and today I called to confirm the catering service and everything is in order. How are we doing on the attendance confirmations?"

"More than half of the class confirmed their attendance. Others have either not answered or have said they might be able to attend," Areum said. "Another thing I don’t understand is why we had to send the invitations by mail. It was easier to do by e-mail, don’t you think?"

"Easier for sure, but these invitations are more beautiful and, like, intimate" Julie defended herself. "Also, receiving a letter feels more sincere than sending a mass email".

"All right," Areum said, rolling her eyes. "So, what’s missing?"

"A few days ago, I received a call from the interior decoration company and they told me that there was a problem with the centerpieces we had chosen, apparently they don’t have enough and they do not think they can have more ready before the gathering. They mailed me other options they have available, the problem is that none combines well with the color palette we had chosen for the rest of the living room decoration, so we have to decide whether to change the colors of everything or not".

"All right, show me what they sent you," Areum said.

Like this, the two friends spent the next three hours discussing color palettes, fabrics, laces, tablecloths, and other decorations until they could no longer differentiate between the multiple options.

"I think we should take a break," Areum said yawning.

"I feel the same way," Julie replied, "if anything, we’re close to the finish. Do you have coffee? We can have a cup and watch TV for a while. Then we can finish and send the proposal to the decorators".

"I think so. Black coffee with two sugars?"

"You know me."

Areum went to the kitchen to make coffee. Meanwhile, Julie turned on the TV and started passing channels trying to find some show to watch.

"Here you go," Areum said a few minutes later.

"Thank you," Julie said, grabbing the cup from her friend’s hands.

"Ah, by the way, Julie, a couple of days ago Ely called me. She wanted to know what kind of entertainment there would be at the reunion".

"Well, the hotel offers us some options as part of the package with which we rented the lounge," Julie replied. "I’m not sure what they offer, but Kang-Dae told me that he has made events in that place and that they have very good options".

"And you believe him?"

"What does that mean?"

"Well, nothing, it’s just that Kang-Dae has a somewhat... bland taste," Areum said hoping her friend would not bother with her comment.

"It’s not bland, it’s just…" Julie replied but didn’t know what to say. "His taste is very refined if you ask me".

"I didn’t say it wasn’t, it’s just that the entertainment for a Kang-Dae office event can be very different from that of a high school alumni meeting. Especially if Kim Kyug-Bok is on the list".

"Yes, I understand," Julie said with a sigh.

"How about I take care of that part?" Areum asked.

"What?"

"Yes!" Areum said excitedly. "I can go to the meeting at the hotel, see what options they have and, if necessary, look for a plan B. I can even ask some of my colleagues for help".

Areum worked at an online content production company. As a graphic designer, she was responsible for the conceptualization and design of the image of the different shows produced by the different teams that worked there. Over time, she had met several producers and directors of web programs and variety shows, so she was sure that some of them could help her with ideas for activities or events she could hire for the reunion.

"Are you sure?" Julie asked.

"Of course I am. I feel a little bad for not helping you more with the whole organization. Let me do this".

"Okay, Areum-ah, thank you," Julie said. She didn’t say anything to her friend, but she felt a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"It’s gonna be great, you’ll see".

2 weeks later

It had been long since Julie had as little work like that day. Everything was in order in the gallery. The last exhibition organized by Rei, Julie’s colleague, had been premiered a week ago, so the hustle and bustle of the first couple of days had passed and now fewer people were arriving every day. Besides, being Rei the main curator, Julie wasn’t in the eye of the storm.

Next week they’d have a couple of events and field trips with schools and colleges, so Julie still had details to take care of as a second-in-command, like printing the fact sheets, finishing the presentation of each work of art, and coordinate the snacks, but she had all week to do it, so she decided not to run with any of those tasks and dedicate her day to looking for new talent.

That was the part she liked most about her work as an art curator: finding new artists and helping them promote their work. She liked to go to art fairs and exhibitions organized by the communities, she never knew where she would find the next diamond in the rough.

At that time, she was reviewing the website of the National University of Seoul that announced the upcoming art exhibition for students of the Faculty of Fine Arts. She was so focused, she didn’t hear Kang-Dae open her office door.

"Julie?" he asked.

The girl jumped on the chair and looked up.

"Oppa, hi," she said, "I didn’t hear you come in, I’m sorry".

"I noticed," he said with a smile on his face. "You were so focused that you didn’t hear me knock on the door three times".

"Sorry," she said. "What are you doing here? I thought you’d be in the office all day today".

"I just came out of a meeting with the board and I thought I’d stop by and invite you to lunch. Do you have time?"

"Yes, of course," she said. "Would you give me ten minutes? I want to save this page and give Rei some documents to photocopy".

"Sure, I’ll wait for you here," her boyfriend told her as his phone started ringing.

Kang-Dae answered the call as Julie left her office for Rei. Once back, her boyfriend was still on the phone. Julie knew those calls sometimes took time, so she decided to keep looking at the university page in the meantime. Again, she did not notice the passage of time and it was another forty minutes before Kang-Dae hung up and talked to her.

"Julie, I’m sorry, love," he said apologizing. "I have to hurry back to the office; I’ll have something to eat on the way. We’ll have dinner another time, okay?"

"Ah, of course," she said, trying to hide her disappointment. They hadn’t been on a date in months, Kang-Dae was always busy and, although she understood it, sometimes it hurt. "Don’t worry, we can go out on Sunday and..."

"No, love, I’m going on a business trip in a couple of days, remember?"

"That’s right. I’m sorry, I forgot".

"Don’t worry. You have other things to worry about," he said. "It’s only a couple of weeks, but I promise to write to you as often as I can and take you to dinner when I get back, okay?"

Kang-Dae got closer to where Julie was sitting and kissed her forehead goodbye. She smiled at him and saw him walk out of her office door as another phone call came in. Julie was a little disappointed, not so much because she could not go to lunch with her boyfriend, but because of how distant Kang-Dae could be at times.

They’d been dating for almost three years, but sometimes Julie didn’t feel close to him. He came from a conservative family, yes, but Kang-Dae was not as innocent and inexperienced as his mother might believe, Julie knew that. The problem was, sometimes Julie needed a little more from him. She wasn’t asking for more time or attention, because she knew he was busy with his work and she respected that. But sometimes she hoped that in the moments when they were together he would take her by the hand or put his arm on her shoulders or kiss her on the lips and not on the forehead like a schoolgirl. Anyway, Julie had come to accept that Kang-Dae was not one to need physical contact to show affection, but sometimes she wanted... more.

No, no. Kang-Dae was a good man. Honest, hardworking, intelligent, from a good family... and relationships are based on making concessions. If he could accept that she forgot some important dates and events, she could accept that he was shy about constant physical affection.

In any case, Julie’s lunch plans had been canceled and now she didn’t know where to go to eat.

"Helloooo, may I?" said a voice at her office door.

Julie looked up and saw Areum with two bags of food in her hands.

"Areum-ah, I wasn’t expecting you. Sure, come in".

"I figured you hadn’t had lunch yet, so I took the liberty of ordering for two," her friend said as she put both bags of food on Julie’s desk.

"You’re the best," Julie said.

"I know, I know. By the way, I saw Kang-Dae leaving the building when I parked the car, were you with him? Here? Alooooooone?" she asked her with a playful tone.

"Feet on the ground, Areum-ah. He came to say hello and invite me to lunch, but he had to deal with a problem in the office and we couldn’t go" Julie replied.

"Typical," Areum said, rolling her eyes.

"Leave him, Areum-ah, he’s busy, just like me," Julie defended.

"Yes, yes, I know," replied her friend. "Well, that means I have you all to myself. Now, eat!"

The two friends spent the next 30 minutes eating and talking about different topics. It had been a long time since they met for lunch, so spontaneously, so that moment reminded Julie of the college years when the two of them had become much closer. Both had studied art, but Julie had specialized in Art History and Areum in Graphic Design; Areum never understood why her friend had left the brush and devoted herself to the theory, but never had the courage to ask her, not after what happened in the third year of the career.

"Ah! Before I forget. Here is the list of those confirmed to the Saturday meeting," Areum said as he passed a document to Julie. "Most confirmed, there were only about ten people who said nothing".

"Perfect, we’re ready, right? Nothing’s missing".

"All set," Areum confirmed.

Julie began reading the list of people to whom the invitation had been sent and her gaze set upon a specific name.

"Lee Jooheon?" Julie asked her friend. "Did you send him an invitation?"

"Emmmm, yes," she replied. "After all, he graduated with us".

Julie was silent for a few minutes. The box next to Jooheon’s name was empty. Obviously, he hadn’t confirmed.

"I mean," Areum continued, "I know he hasn’t come to any events, he doesn’t keep in touch with anyone and he’s probably super busy with the life of an idol and so on, but I thought it was polite to invite him. For him to know that, if he wants, we still remember him".

Remember? Yes, unfortunately, yes. Julianne still remembered him and the fact that maybe he decided to show up on Saturday made her... nervous? Uncomfortable? She wasn’t sure.

Calm down, Julianne she said to herself. Areum is right, the odds of him appearing are mininal. More like null. It's gonna be okay.

"Well," Julianne said, trying to change the subject so her friend wouldn’t notice what the name Lee Jooheon provoked in her, "what’s for dessert?"

On Saturday, Julie got up a bit earlier. She had to leave her house at noon to go and oversee the final details at the hotel. She had breakfast, checked her mail, ordered the clothes she had washed the day before, and went out of her apartment with her dress and makeup in hand. She had booked a room at the hotel where she and Areum would get ready for the party and spend the night.

Julie arrived at the hotel half an hour later. She went up to her room to leave her things and saw that Areum had arrived before her.

"Finally!" her friend told her as soon as she walked through the door. "What took you so long? I’m starving, let’s eat" and with those words, Areum grabbed the belongings from Julie’s hands and threw them carelessly into bed.

"Hello to you too," Julie said as she was being dragged out of the room and straight to the hotel restaurant.

Both friends had lunch together and then went to the room where the meeting would be held to oversee the final details. While Julie was taking care of the food and the disposal of the bar, Areum finished setting up the table where they would welcome their classmates. If necessary, there would be badges with everyone’s names and a book where they could sign and write a message as a souvenir.

Everything was going great and the two friends were ready to go up to their room, until a loud voice shouted behind their backs:

"AREUM-AHHH! And... SEO JULIANNE?!"

They both turned around but didn’t need to see the voice owner’s face to know who he was: Kim Kyug-Bok.

"Seo Julianne, is it really you?" asked Kim Kyug-Bok.

"Hello, Kyug-Bok-sii," Julie replied. "You’re early".

"Wooooow, you look great," he said, looking at Julie from head to toe.

That look made her uncomfortable. Kim Kyug-Bok had always been an idiot, but he had never noticed her, especially since in those days Julie would have been able to beat him up if he tried to play cocky. But those days are behind them. Julianne had lost the muscle that years of training had given her and now her figure was smaller and more delicate than before. However, she still had the same character as always, and the cold look that Kim Kyug-Bok perceived in Julie’s eyes was confirmation of that. Though instead of feeling intimidated, the playboy took it as a challenge. This meeting had just become more entertaining for him.

"If you’ll excuse us, Areum and I have to go. The salon doors open at 5:00 p.m. to start welcoming everyone, so please don’t make a fuss before that hour because no one will open the door for you, understand?" Julie told him with the coldest, most cynical tone she could.

"Sure, beautiful," Kim Kyug-Bok said, winking at her, "all clear".

The two friends then headed to the elevator to their room. None of them said anything about the encounter with Kim Kyug-Bok and his sudden fascination with Julie.

Once in their hotel room, they both set out to get ready for the event. It was not very formal, so Areum dressed in wide dark green trousers and a button-down shirt with ornaments on the neck; meanwhile, Julie had brought a short, slightly loose dark pink dress, with long sleeves, a gift from Kang-Dae she had not had a chance to wear yet.

At five o'clock, the two friends arrived at the salon. They opened the doors and, gradually, their former school friends began to arrive. At seven o'clock, most of the guests had already arrived and the conversations were heard throughout the room.

Julie went around waving to different people and supervising that everything was going as planned. There was enough food and drinks for everyone, there were tables and chairs for everyone to rest and Areum had had the idea of putting up poker tables, blackjack, and billiards, so some were playing.

Areum was at the door receiving the guests. Julie was about to go to replace her when she heard, for the second time that day, a shrill scream, only that time it wasn’t her name that was shouted.

"JOOHEOOOOON-AH" shouted Kim Kyug-Bok.

Julie froze on the spot. No, she must have misheard. He couldn’t be there.

But he was.

Julie watched as all her classmates approached the door to see if Lee Jooheon, the celebrity, had indeed arrived. She didn’t have to go near him, she didn’t even have to see his face. It was him; she was sure.

At that moment, Julie felt like running out of there, but she didn’t move. She was practically nailed to the floor as she watched Jooheon being engulfed by the crowd. Everyone greeted him as if they were best friends and he returned all greetings, although his smile was not real. It was the professional smile that Julie had seen in photos and interviews, it didn’t reach his eyes, it wasn’t...

Wake up, Julianne she thought. She noticed that she was facing the hall entrance, so she turned around before anyone noticed her surprised face. I mean, he’s here, all right, he’s entitled, he was invited. But that doesn’t mean you have to talk to him, so calm down and get on with it, she continued to talk to herself as she took a couple of deep breaths.

Exactly. Clearly, everyone was more interested than she was in knowing about the idol life of the newcomer, so it wouldn’t be so hard to avoid him and the hall was big enough for him not to see her. Yeah, that would do, good plan.

****

The hours passed and Julie felt calmer and calmer. Her plan had worked. She had gone from table to table talking to her former classmates, always staying out of the range of vision of Jooheon and his groupies. She was gonna make it, she was gonna get out of there without having to look him in the face. Great.

Julie got up from the table where she was to go get a drink. She arrived at the bar they had set up on the side of the hall and asked the bartender for a martini. While waiting for him to serve it, Areum came to her side

"Julie, I was looking for you," said her friend.

"Tell me, Areum-ah," Julie replied.

"I have to go out for a moment," Areum said. "Remember the entertainment we talked about? Well, it just arrived and I need to go meet them. Could you take everyone to the pool in about... 20 minutes?"

"To the pool?" Julie asked. "What did you plan, Areum-ah?"

"You’ll see," she said as she winked at her.

Julie just laughed, told Areum she’d take everyone to the pool, and saw her friend leave the room. She would take everyone to the pool, yes, but she wouldn’t give out the ad. She would ask someone else to do it; after all, she hated speaking to crowds as big as this one, specially if they were drunk. Seconds later, the bartender arrived with her drink, Julie thanked him and was about to return to her table when a voice behind her said:

"Jules, so long".

Her back tensed.

SHIT. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, FUCKING SHIT.

It had been a long time since anyone called her that. Well, actually only he called her that, she never understood why. For a few seconds nothing happened, Julianne needed that time to mend herself and erase any trace of nervousness from her face. Finally, she turned and greeted him back.

"Hello, Jooheon-ssi" she replied. "Yes, it’s been a while".

Jooheon-ssi? It felt strange to call it that. It didn’t feel right, but Julie decided it was the safest thing to do.

The girl saw the guy who was once her best friend in the eyes. For the first time all night, Jooheon showed a sincere smile, but Julie saw his expression waver after her cold greeting.

Come on, Julie, you can do it.

« Previous Next »

[samwisethewitch]

Neopagans, reconstructionists, and revivalists, oh my!

As we’ve discussed before, “pagan” is an umbrella term that actually encompasses a wide range of traditions. Not all pagans believe the same things, worship the same gods, or conceptualize those gods the same way.

Within the bigger pagan umbrella, there are three smaller umbrellas that can be useful for classifying pagan worship: neopagan, reconstructionist, and revivalist. These labels describe different approaches to ancient pagan religion and different ways of incorporating paganism into daily life. It’s important to remember that words like “neopagan” or “reconstructionist” refer to someone’s practice and not necessarily to their beliefs.

A neopagan is someone who takes inspiration from ancient pagan religions, but does not try to recreate those religions in their practice. For example, a neopagan might feel a strong connection to the Roman gods, but they don’t necessarily observe all the intricacies of Roman ritual (and believe me, there’s a lot — Roman polytheism is where Catholicism gets a lot of its formal structure) in their practice. They’re comfortable making things up as they go along, combining concepts from different historical sources, and practicing a thoroughly modern type of paganism. You could say that neopagans strive to capture the spirit of ancient paganism, but do so in a very 21st-century way.

Neopagans are more likely to be monists than hard polytheists, and may even use pagan-style ritual as a means to connect to a single divine Source rather than a specific deity. Neopagan groups often place a great emphasis on reverence for nature and strive to live in harmony with the natural world. Neopagans are sometimes described as practicing “Earth-centered religion.”

The most famous neopagan faith is Wicca. Rather than being a recreation of an ancient religion, Wicca combines concepts from these religions (particularly Celtic and Germanic paganism) with elements of ceremonial magic and Western occultism. Wiccans worship the God and Goddess, personifications of the masculine and feminine sides of the divine Source, and many covens have their own unique mythology to describe the interactions between the God and Goddess through the cycle of the seasons. Wiccans tend to play fast and loose with historical sources, or may not include any historical elements in their practice at all. This is a good example of what a neopagan practice might look like.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum are reconstructionists, who strive to recreate or “reconstruct” ancient religion. If you can’t do anything without reading three books about it first, you might be a reconstructionist. Jokes aside, reconstructionists seek to emulate a historical religion as closely as possible. Reconstructive practice is very research-heavy, and revolves around recreations of ancient rituals based on historical sources. There is a great emphasis on connecting to and honoring the ancient culture being reconstructed. Some reconstructionists may even learn ancient languages for use in ritual.

Reconstructionists may be monists, hard polytheists, or somewhere in between depending on the religion they are reconstructing. Their values, beliefs, and practices also depend on the culture being reconstructed. A Hellenic reconstructionist will have very different beliefs and practices from an Irish reconstructionist, for example.

Nova Roma is an example of a reconstructionist faith. According to their website, “Founded 2,750 years after the Eternal City itself, Nova Roma seeks to bring back those golden times, not through the sword and the legions, however, but through the spread of knowledge and through our own virtuous example… The modern practice of the Roman religion, the Cultus Deorum Romanorum is our attempt to reconstruct the religion of the ancient Romans as closely as possible.” Members of Nova Roma choose a Roman name for use in ritual — and those rituals are as close as possible to the rites of Imperial Rome. They even have communal religious spaces built to resemble Roman temples!

One important note about reconstruction: it’s impossible to do it perfectly. No matter which historical culture you’re reconstructing, there will likely be some gaps (possibly very large gaps) in our knowledge of their religion. No matter how much research you do, you will sometimes have to use your best guess.

While reconstruction seeks to recreate ancient religion, it is not all about looking backwards. No matter how closely you recreate Egyptian religion, you can never have the same thoughts, experiences, or worldview as an ancient Egyptian peasant. Even the most hardcore reconstructionist has to adapt their religion to fit a modern lifestyle. As author Morgan Daimler points out, “reconstruction is understanding the old pagan religion so that we can envision what it would have been like if it had never been interrupted by foreign influences and had continued to exist until today.”

I like to think of revivalists as the halfway point between neopagans and reconstructionists. Revivalists seek to recreate the spirit of a specific ancient religion, but they may not necessarily reconstruct all of the practices associated with that religion. Revivalists are much more concerned with theology and upholding ancient cultural/religious values than they are with dogma or practice.

Like reconstructionists, revivalists’ beliefs depend on the ancient culture they are seeking to revive. Also like reconstructionists, revivalists do a lot of research — however, their research acts more as inspiration or general guidelines than as something that has to be followed to the letter. Like neopagans, revivalists are very much practicing a modern religion.

Going back to our example of Roman paganism, a Roman revivalist will strive to uphold Roman values in their daily life, like xenia (roughly translated as “hospitality,” though that is an oversimplification). They likely worship the Roman gods, but may do so in a more informal way than Nova Roma or other reconstructionists. They may include some historic elements in their rituals, like wearing a head covering and making burnt offerings — but the ritual will likely be performed in their native language. Revivalists are all about taking the big ideas of ancient religion and adapting them for modern life.

The line between revival and reconstruction is not always clearly defined. Many revivalists use reconstruction in some areas of their faith, and every reconstructionist is a revivalist when they have to fill in gaps in historical knowledge of their religion. The distinction really lies in how closely you want to follow ancient traditions.

Each of these approaches to paganism has its benefits and its drawbacks. Different approaches work better for different people — a lot of it comes down to personality and preference. Here’s a quick rundown of some of the obvious pros and cons of each approach.

PROS of neopaganism:

Because this is by far the most widely practiced type of paganism, there is an abundance of beginner-friendly literature available for new neopagans.

Because of its popularity and flexibility, it’s usually fairly easy to find a neopagan group to worship with, either in person or online.

Neopaganism allows for a lot of experimentation and personal exploration. You are free to incorporate whatever elements work for you.

CONS of neopaganism

Ironically, an abundance of literature also means there are a lot of bad neopagan resources floating around. Newcomers should take care in choosing the books they read on the subject.

Some people become frustrated with the lack of structure in many neopagan traditions.

It can sometimes feel like there are no “real” right answers, since neopaganism relies heavily on personal truth.

PROS of reconstruction

Reconstructing an ancient religion provides a sense of structure.

Choosing to focus on a specific religion/culture can lead to a deep feeling of connection to that culture. This can be especially powerful for pagans who feel disconnected from their cultural heritage.

Because reconstruction seeks to recreate ancient religion, it’s easy to find other people who practice the same way you do, at least online.

CONS of reconstruction

Reconstruction is largely based on primary sources, so reconstructionists will likely have to read dense, academic, and/or archaic literature at some point.

Unless you live in a big city, it may be hard to find an in-person community that shares your beliefs and practices.

Focus on a single culture means there is less room for experimentation. You can still incorporate elements from other traditions, but only if they don’t contradict your existing beliefs.

PROS of revival

Revival allows pagans to feel a close connection to an ancient culture, while also allowing them freedom to customize their path.

Allows practitioners to be their own priest/priestess and make their own decisions regarding their practice.

Provides a middle ground between the fluidity of neopaganism and the stricture of reconstruction.

CONS of revival

Because every revivalist practices differently, it can be very hard to find a group to worship with, online or in person, without having to make compromises.

Like reconstructionists, revivalists will occasionally have to do some difficult reading.

Because this path is so often solitary, it can be hard to stick with it if you aren’t good at keeping yourself motivated.

If you are considering becoming pagan, take a moment to think about which of these approaches appeals most to you. Are you most attracted to neopaganism, reconstruction, or revival?

Don’t just think about which approach sounds the best, but think about which one is most practical for you. Do you need the external motivation of a group to keep you on the right track, or are you very internally motivated? Do you like following instructions, or do you prefer to make things up as you go? Do you feel a strong connection to a specific ancient culture, or do you feel more connected to nature itself? All of these questions can help guide you towards the right approach for your practice.

Resources:

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

Nova Roma’s website, novaroma.org

Irish Paganism: Reconstructing Irish Polytheism by Morgan Daimler

The Way of Fire and Ice by Ryan Smith

[lil-lycanthropy]

How to write an essay (especially when you struggle with writing essays)

[Image Description: A graphic titled “BASIC ESSAY STRUCTURE”. There are 3 sections. The first section is regarding the introduction, labelled “Agonize for an hour”. The second section is regarding the body, labelled “oh hell yes i can do this no problem i got stuff to say i’m on a roll”. The third section is regarding the conclusion, labelled “I am going to walk into the sea”. /End Image Description]

I saw this post about essay writing with this as the structure and I just. Screamed a bit. The outline above (imo) makes a very boring essay that is UNNECESSARILY DIFFICULT to write. I was gonna just add onto the post, but I thought I’d make my own because I have a LOT to say.

So, to start off, I have spent far too long making this handy-dandy graphic with an essay structure that I find to be a lot more helpful.

[Image Description: A graphic titled “ESSAY OUTLINE”. There are 7 sections. They include the outline for the Introduction, Body, and Conclusion, along with tips for all three, and then a section for General Tips. /End Image Description]

There’s some pretty lengthy explanations under the cut, and I spent way too long on this. However, I’m passionate about writing and hate seeing how much people struggle to write simply because they haven’t been given the right tools.

Without further ado, here we go!

Introduction (1 paragraph)

Opening Statement: This is your intro/hook. With an effective opening sentence, you want to introduce the main topic of the paper, and make it interesting for the reader to draw them in. The introductory sentence should be somewhat objective; your thesis will be your arguing point, but we need to know the general topic without the bias. As for the hook part—your prof/TA/teacher/whoever is grading your paper has read the same paper 600 times. Your paper probably won’t be entirely unique, BUT you can still make it stand out. This is where the “hook” comes in. An easy way to do this is to simply start with a verb. Reading papers that all start with “the” or “a” can get really repetitive and boring, so an action word can be a good way to grab the reader’s attention. You don’t want your opening statement to be too long; a sentence or two should be your goal.

Allude to Thesis: Right after the opening statement, use a sentence to briefly allude to your thesis (the stance you’ll be taking on the topic). This way, you can state your argument points without having to worry about wording your thesis correctly right away, or risk your thesis getting lost within the introduction. This is kinda a segue to your points rather than its own official “section”, so keep it brief. 

Outline Supporting Points: These are the points that help support your argument. Avoid using a list form for this by using things like semi-colons or commas; each supporting point should have its own sentence. Saying that, definitely use transition words to help the sentences flow together so it doesn’t just seem like a laundry list. Don’t limit yourself to three points unless that’s explicitly part of the assignment. At least two is good if you can expand on them enough to do the paper, but don’t be afraid to use four or five if you’re still able to stay within the limits and expand on them enough to be individual points. However, sometimes too many points can make it hard to expand, so see if you can group some together if you have too many. 

Thesis: Your thesis should be a statement, subjective, demonstrable, and specific. It therefore should not be a question, objective, hypothetical, or vague. This is because your thesis is a definitive stance on a specific issue or topic that you can prove with evidence. As for placement, I always put my thesis at the very end of the introduction. I would say it’s up to personal preference whether to put it at the beginning or the end, but please never put it in the middle. When it’s in the middle, it’s very likely that it won’t stand out as a thesis, and then you’d have to come up with both an opening and closing statement, which is hard. I like putting it at the end because I find that if I do it at the beginning, it can be REALLY hard to balance having a clear thesis while also introducing your paper and making it interesting. Plus, if it’s at the end of your first paragraph, it still stands out, you don’t have to do a concluding statement, you don’t have to balance any other aspect of writing (like an intro or hook) with it, AND it creates the perfect transition to your supporting points. Limit your thesis statement to one or two sentences—you want it to stand out to the reader as the thesis, and you don’t want to muddle the message by being too detailed. You’ll have the rest of the paper to expand.

Body (2-10+ paragraphs)

Introduce Evidence: For each piece of supporting evidence (your main points), make sure you introduce them clearly before actually explaining everything about them. Don’t be afraid to word it in an interesting way (although remember, you still want your message to be clear!). I also want to give you an incredibly important tip: the amount of supporting points you have DOES NOT have to correspond with the amount of body paragraphs you have. They drill the five-paragraph essay outline into you for years, and it’s BORING—for you and whoever’s grading your paper. It’s also bad writing, because then you get unnaturally long paragraphs that take up a page and a half. So, unless your assignment rubric says otherwise, don’t be afraid to get creative with the paragraph amount. Always start a new paragraph when introducing a new main point, but definitely consider splitting the main point into two or three paragraphs if needed. Disclaimer: sometimes if you have to split a point into multiple paragraphs, that means you might want to consider splitting the main point into multiple main points. On the other hand, sometimes combining two main points into one can help make a paragraph more substantial.

Expand: For each point, expand. Explain any extra details. Relate the explanations back to your main point so you can stay on target and not go on tangents that take up half the page. 

Connect to Thesis: After you expand each point, as a concluding statement, relate the main point back to the thesis (the whole point of the paper!). Anyone can list evidence—show that you understand why this evidence is connected and how it proves your stance. If you can’t connect the point to your thesis, it’s probably not relevant or you need to do more research. By making the connection between the evidence and your thesis, 1. This is how you get bonus marks, and 2. It makes for an excellent concluding statement/transition to the next main point.

Repeat: For each main point, follow the structure of introduce-expand-connect.

Conclusion (1 paragraph)

Restate Thesis/Main Points: Rather than coming up with another introductory statement, restate your thesis and the main points that helped to prove your thesis. Please try to reword it so it’s not repetitive, and it’s best to keep the restating brief. You’ve already established all of this in your paper, so you don’t need too much detail. A sentence or two is fine. Another tip is to avoid basic concluding words. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, but definitely avoid the ones that involve the word “conclude” or its derivatives (e.g. “in conclusion”; to conclude”, etc.). Keep this part to one or two sentences to avoid the dreaded repetition.

Explain Relevance/Make Connections: Here is something I NEVER see in the common essay templates, and honestly, I feel like it’s one of the most important things with essay writing. It’s the difference between just another essay in a pile of 200, and one that stands out as exemplary. SO. We know your thesis. We know your evidence. You’ve even briefly restated it in case we forgot. Now, WHY is your thesis (and by extension, the paper you just spent a few hours on) actually important? Why is it relevant? Who cares? You don’t want to give too much “new” information, but you really should be able to find some connection as to why your paper matters. Because if you don’t see the point in it, how are you gonna convince the reader that your paper is worth reading? Essays are about arguments, yes, and convincing people that You’re Correct and You Know Things, but you need to be able to connect with other things to see the true relevance. Make connections, folks!

Concluding Statement: Truly the bane of anyone’s existence. A good tip is to look at it as your Mic Drop moment—your time to wrap it up, drop the mic, and walk offstage. Tie your thesis, evidence, and connections together into a sentence or two with a little pizzazz and sense of finality, leaving no room to argue. 

General Tips

Know your audience: This can sometimes help with finding the balance between over- and under-explaining things. With essays, the person grading (the audience) is probably a bit above your current level, unless it’s being marked by another student or something. So write at your level—or the average level of your class/group. For example, if you’re in a second-year university biology class, you probably don’t need to explain what photosynthesis means. But if your essay is on a little known technique to measure chlorophyll levels in plants, you might need to explain some things that you already know, but others might not. Remember, your goal is neither to dumb yourself down nor put yourself on an academic pedestal—your goal is to communicate a message in an effective way that can be understood by the appropriate audience.

Pick a relevant topic: Sometimes this doesn’t apply, as you have limited choices. But, whenever possible, choose a topic that you actually know something about and/or are willing to write about. Sometimes even asking your teacher/prof if you can choose your own topic is worth it. The main point: picking something you find interesting makes you more willing to put in the work to write a good essay. Pick you favourite topic out of the options (or, at a minimum, the one yo hate the least).

Experiment with the writing process: Some people swear it’s easier to write the conclusion first, while others absolutely have to write the essay in chronological order. Some people need to finish what they start, some people need to flit around and add things as they think of them. Ultimately, the order you write things is very much a personal preference, and something worth experimenting with if you’re struggling!

Cater to your writing needs: Writers will tell you that they need to set up a space to write. Some people like writing on their bed or in a cafe. Some people need absolute quiet while others can’t focus without background noise. Some people need frequent breaks for the best results, others need to sit through until they’re done. The time of day can affect your writing—writing in the morning might be really difficult if you’re most alert at midnight. Lastly, experiment with different media. Maybe writing on a laptop just doesn’t work for you, and pen and paper is the way to go. Typewriters are fun. Microsoft Word might work better for you than Google Docs. Find out what works for you and gets you into a writing headspace.

Repetition and word choice: To avoid sounding like a broken record, make sure you use a different first (and even last) word for each paragraph. I always notice when an essay writer only starts paragraphs with the word “the”. Another helpful way to vary your word choice at the beginning of paragraphs is to use different types of word, preferably words that aren’t articles (a, an, or the). Using a noun, verb, or transition word can keep things interesting and help your writing flow.

Write with an active voice: Writing with an active, positive, and resolute voice fortifies your writing. An active voice is when the subject is the focus rather than the object, whereas a passive voice is the opposite. Example: “Sally ate a grape” is active because Sally (subject) ate a grape (object). “A grape was eaten by Sally” is passive because the grape (object) was eaten by Sally (subject). Essentially, if the sentence includes (or could include) “by [Subject]”, it’s passive. Even if you wrote “A grape was eaten,” that’s still passive. An active voice includes the subject doing the action, whereas a passive voice includes the object having something done to it. It’s a wishy-washy way of writing, though it’s sometimes inevitable in formal writing because you can’t use subjective pronouns. As for a positive voice, it doesn’t mean your essay has to be happy or perky—it means your writing, when possible, should focus on the positive part (what did happen or was added) rather than the negative part (what didn’t happen or was taken away). Example: “Sally didn’t eat an apple” is negative, because it just says what Sally didn’t do. “Sally ate a grape” is positive because it said what she did do. Lastly, use a resolute voice. Be concise and to the point without muddling the message with unnecessary words. Example: “Sally just a grape” is tentative. “Sally ate a grape” is resolute. Word like “just”, “maybe”, “really”, “perhaps”, “necessarily” are not resolute and can weaken your argument. Definitely take this advice for your thesis. 

Communicate clearly: Using long or complicated words can improve your writing—but if they’re overused or used unnecessarily, it can actually weaken your argument because no one understands what you’re trying to say under all that academic jargon. If you can’t explain your argument in an understandable way, you probably don’t have a good grasp of your argument. This isn’t to discredit people who have a hard time articulating while writing or people who need to use complicated words—but the whole point of a paper is to communicate a message in an effective way. If you’re too caught up in using big words, it’s very easy to lose the actual focus of the paper.

Fortify your opening/closing statements: If the person grading your paper has a lot of other papers to go through, they’re not gonna read every word you write. Focus on strengthening your first and last sentences of each paragraph to perhaps improve your mark with the graders who skim.

Proofread: PLEASE read through and edit your work. You don’t have to completely rewrite your paper (who has the time???), but definitely proofread it when you’re done. If possible (I know it isn’t always, but it really helps), give yourself as much time as possible, then do another read through. Even waiting an hour or two and then going through it again can help you catch some last-minute mistakes. When you’ve been staring at the same paper for three hours, you kinda just ignore the mistakes because they’re burned into your brain. Going back can help you catch them and fix them before handing it in. Double check the assignment requirements, including formatting, sources, grammar, etc.

Kudos to you if you made it to the end! This took me 4 hours? 5? I hope it helps some of you in school. Essays can be a really fun thing to write if you’re passionate about the topic, and they shouldn’t be nearly as hard as school makes them. Even if you didn’t read this whole thing, I hope my graphic can be helpful! The original essay structure from the other post made me mad because no wonder some of you guys struggle! When you don’t have the tools, it makes life difficult.

Here’s a pic of my cat and dog for making it this far!

End note: I’ve never done an image description so I apologize if it’s not perfect!

[btsandvmin]

Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30

Yet another batch of interesting questions from you all. I really appriciate how much you seem to value my thoughts and opinions, so thank you for interacting and investing your time into my blog, it means a lot. I got to hear from some of you that you felt my last post was very warm and even comforting, and honestly those are such sweet compliments. Thank you so much! <3

And before we start, just to let you know, I will answer asks about Let’s BTS on KBS in a different post. Because I got a lot of them, and I haven’t seen the show in it’s full yet. But... VMIN~~!!! 💜

You can check the topics below to see if anything interests you (no one is going to force you to read all of it unless you want to). There will be some possibly controversial topics and opinions in this post. Also, remember that I while I do put effort into answering asks, they generally will be less detailed and nuanced than a full post. Most of the time it’s a stream of thoughts with some added references if needed. Thank you all for being nice and understanding, it means a lot.

Topics:

Ask 1 - Did you catch some change in Jimin over time? Ask 2 - Vmin’s relationship becoming more instense Ask 3 - Ji/kook and their Tokyo trip Ask 4 - Idols dating members of the same group Ask 5 & 6 -  Replies to earlier ask about not enjoying a pair because of shipping Ask 7 - Tae wanting to have children and him being together with someone of the same sex Ask 8 -  Going down the rabbit hole, micromoments and shipping vs believing Ask 9 - Vmin cuddling and grabbing ass Ask 10 - Vmin vs Ji/kook being less/more vocal and how did I survive being a Vmin shipper for so long? Ask 11 - Choosing what asks to answer (and a bunch of nice things) Ask 12 - This ask just makes me happy

Ask 1 - Did you catch some change in Jimin over time?

Hi and thank you, that’s very sweet of you. :3 As for being a Vminie it’s ok if you don’t want to proclaim yourself as one, it’s totally fine just being curious and coming to me with questions anyways. But even so, if you do feel like a Vminie (and even if you don’t) welcome and I hope you’ll feel comfortable in the Vmin community.

A lot of people who get into RP shipping or maybe even believing, are like you not always into shipping before falling for a BTS ship. I think it can often lead to a lot of confusion actually. Being drawn into a shipping community that is kind of unsure of if it’s even shipping or beyond shipping a lot of the time is also sometimes hard to navigate. I think BTS being BTS and the incredible bonds they share makes it very inviting and leads to a lot of non-shippers getting curious. Maybe even more so if BTS is your first Idol group. (Correct me if I’m wrong, because I am myself not one of these people so I am just guessing.) I find people’s reasons for shipping and being attracted to different ships very interesting, but honesly all BTS ships are some of the most wholesome ones I’ve seen. The love these 7 boys have for each other is truly remarkable.

I’ve seen a change in both Jimin and Tae as individuals and of course in their relationship and dynamic as well. Growing up will do that of course, and they have been through a lot, alone and together. We know like Tae said that Jimin used to be very different, and that around Danger he started to feel more comfortable being himself. Jimin too has said he used to be “weird” and that he has started to relax more with time. I think Jimin has gradually become more and more comfortable in his own skin and with how to be as a member of BTS. I think this change is of course something gradual but that sometimes situations can make them “grow faster” due to being reflective or being exposed to a new problem, for example not being able to perform now due to Corona or how the Love yourself message really resonated and made the members think about their own lives as well. What I see is Jimin trying less to be cool and being softer and getting more relaxed in general, so it’s not surprising this reflects in his relationships with other members as well.

As for how Vmin changed I think most of us saw a shift around 2016, and we know they changed a lot when the dumpling incident happened. I think they got softer and most of all I think they realized the importance of communicating. How they need to talk and be open with each other and that they put in effort to make their relationship improve. They have both talked about this, and I think it’s something that lead to a big change in how they behave with each other. I feel we have seen them becoming more attentive, understanding and patient with each other because they put in the effort to have a better relationship.

As for Jimin being cutely shy I definitely think we saw that a lot during 2016-2018 but that we still see it from time to time. I still personally suspect it has more to do with normalizing behavior for the camera than Jimin being more comfortable and relaxed doing those things with Tae in general. I also think we see times when Jimin definitely seem to get shy or in some sense bothered with Taehyung’s actions towards him (I wrote this before Let’s BTS but that’s yet another example of Tae being forward and it making Jimin a bit nervous.). So again, while I do see this change in Jimin seemingly being more relaxed now, I think when it comes to Vmin think it depends more on situation and is something that they have slowly changed over time. I’ve talked about this in my post  Vmin – Pushing the boundaries and also about the camera possibly being a factor in  Vmin - Push and Pull. 

I think we have gotten Vmin moments of all kinds over the years, and that’s why the shift with many things seems to be gradual and also not 100% consistant. But it also makes sense for any relationship to stabalize when they’ve been friends for so long and finally grown into adults. They’ve both become more comfortable with themselves and together. (Though there are still some very odd behaviors remaining if you ask me). So yeah, I’ve seen Jimin change and I am happy he seems more comfortable now. Vmin has changed too, and though they still have their stiff and odd moments and might even be careful about how they come across they definitely show a lot of things now that they didn’t before. And on that note let’s get to the next ask...

Ask 2 - Vmin’s relationship becoming more instense

Yeah, I kind of agree. They just seem to do more and more of a lot of very intimate looking things. And often it seems they increase these behaviors over time as they get more comfortable doing them, like hand holding for example. Again, I’ve spoken about this many times before as in my posts mentioned in the above ask. For me I kind of think Tae has always been very intense, but he’s just expanded and become more diverse in how he expresses it, if that makes sense? For example the songs, or them deciding to call each other soulmates (though Tae tried and was denied before the 2017 post-it) or simply pointing out Jimin as special are things that has happened several times but become more obvious and sometimes even blunt. They definitely seem a lot more intimate in general as well. I would say that kind of goes for most of the group though, as I am sure knowing each other for so long and slowly changing as individuals will affect their group dynamics as well. They all seem a bit more touchy and comfortable with affection now (I mean just compare Namjoon initiating touch early years to now.). Vmin has definitely increased a lot of their very affectionate and even romantic looking moments, even though I do think they had early examples as well. Mostly I feel they got softer, more attentive and understanding towards each other and has increased some particular behaviors that might seem almost couple like (though not always exclusively with only´each other).

As for people thinking Vmin hate each other... I just don’t understand how you could come to this conclusion about any of the boys. Fine if you think they aren’t as close as they want to come across, but hating and even just disliking someone for so long and hiding it isn’t an easy task. In particular these antis also seem to forget that Tae is very honest and straight forward. He’s called out bs from fans and his company many times... And yet he would happily play along with pretending to love the members and even going out of his way to show it in ridiculously sweet ways? Also why even like someone or a group that can lie to this extent? Then you wouldn’t really know them or what to trust at all, so why just pick the moments you think are genuine to stick to?

This idea that Vmin would hate each other is just weird to me... I mean it does show Vmin has a contradicting behavior and weird enough moments for antis to pick up on. Though I do think antis would twist any moments regardless if Vmin seemed totally fine or not. For me it’s clear you can’t fake feelings and statements and reactions so consistantly, and with a lot of small almost private or not very obvious moments, for so long. Honestly the only way Vmin is played up is if the feelings are there but they run with it a bit more... But even that doesn’t make sense because things like not talking about 4 o’clock until now or them themselves choosing the label soulmates and Jimin even being shy about it or even denying the Christmas song happened. These things come from Tae himself, in defiance almost, and thus I think it would be weird to have them play up some things but downplay others. Especially from a person like Tae who seems to want to be as honest as possible and sometimes even blurt out things he maybe shouldn’t.

Anyways, I don’t think we need to linger on this topic much more, because honestly no matter what Vmin’s relationship is it should be clear they mean a lot to each other and their feelings of love for each other are genuine and impossible to fake.

Ask 3 - Ji/kook and their Tokyo trip

First of all I am sorry you got insulted over just being curious and asking questions. Having an open dialogue and not shutting out arguments, questions or ideas never does any good (as long as it’s not done in a toxic/hateful way). I don’t particularly like speaking of other ships myself, but getting agressive or dissmissive is not the way to go.

First I would say I don’t think the trip has to have anything to do with Vmin’s bond... Not everything is going to have to be explained away as some grand scheme. Ji/kook going on a trip or Jimin going on a trip with other friends (like when he went to Paris/Hawaii/Russia) is nothing weird and shouldn’t be seen as weird just because Ji/kook are also in the same group and obviously close enough to enjoy each other’s company. (You might think Vmin in comparison not going on a trip is weird, but that’s a different discussion.) just going somewhere together does not make a ship more real and not going does also not have to mean anything.

BTW this is Vmin just a couple of weeks after Ji/kook got back from their trip, so I think it’s safe to say Tae had no problem with it. We really need to remember that likely no matter what ship would be real (if any of course) the memebrs are ok with it.

Actually just watch the whole segment if you haven’t because it’s one of the MUST SEE moments from BTS.

If you are sensitive or can’t read about other ships without getting triggered I suggest skipping to the next ask as I will now talk some about ji/kook. But I also want to remind you all that the most likely scenario is still no ship at all being real, and we should all be careful with trusting in narratives too much in general.

I don’t want to go into too much detail, because it’s not the focus of my blog. But the short story is that Ji/kook went to Tokyo together privately. They went there during a break in late october 2017 and were spotted by fans and then JK also released a travel vlog of the whole thing. The main narrative is that this was during a time Ji/kook was being normalized and working towards a glass closet with the help of Big Hit and that the GCF video was romantic. Because of the song and because of the artist being LGBT+ it was a message from JK about him and Jimin. There was also pictures of them shopping jewelry and there was a theory going around they bought matching rings and that the whole trip was a way to celebrate their relationship and again possibly also start working towards some kind of coming out. The trip is seen as an important turning point in most Ji/kook narratives and honestly until now I do think this is one of their most legit “moments” that isn’t just based on speculation.

(Also it was said that Jimin wanted to go with Tae as well, but it really doesn’t change anything even if it was about this particular trip or just in general. Ji/kook going alone is still nothing weird on it’s own.)

I would suggest taking anything from any shipper with a grain of salt though. I mean saying Ji/kook got engaged while in Tokyo and even talked about it/hinted at it/are open with their relationship to begin with would basically mean Ji/kook being together is a known fact by many at Big Hit. If that’s the case they don’t seem very careful or bothered at all by the possibility of their relationship ruining their own and the group’s career. Personally I see this as kind of unlikely myself, as I would think any LGBT+ idol would at least be a bit careful or discreet, and maybe even more so when fans are as invasive and investigative as some can be. 

We also need to remember that while shipping communities are huge, the non-shipper fans, other shippers and even homophobic fans will always be a very large group as well. They will likely always outnumber “supporters” of a particular ship. No matter what ship we talk about, coming out would be difficult and lead to a massive loss in fans (and money). Not to mention the psychological effects it could have on the ones involved. I don’t see how the members or Big Hit would be careless with it if that was the case. 

I won’t say ji/kook being together is impossible, because as I always say we don’t know enough about them or how a relationship would look like or be handled. I just personally don’t think many theories or narratives from ji/kookers makes sense, and them getting engaged and being open about it is one of these things. (This is also why I don’t think the members joking about a real ship looking like a couple seems like a likely idea.)

Taehyung and Jimin used to share hotel rooms all the time, and we know members showered together or that Tae posted a photo of Jimin in the bath. Having many moments like this I think it would take a lot to make one ship in particular stand out. Once again, even for Vmin the stuff that actually makes me question them are usually not the intimate things they do or the individual moments we get to see, but instead the context and possibly weird behaviors they have showed over time (and the songs). 

I know more about Vmin, and I find them more questionable, but like I have said I still do understand why people ship other ships. I even find some theories very interesting, like even for ships like Tae x Hobi, there are stuff to find that make you wonder. But that’s the thing, all shippers can do this. So once again I urge you to remain sceptical but open, and let people ship what they want while we focus on enjoying Vmin.

I hope I answered your questions, and that the conversations about this topic remain civil. I am sorry for bringing up another ship, I just felt talking about this to this anon was the nice thing to do.

Ask 4 - Idols dating members of the same group

Hi and thanks for your ask. For me this isn’t really some big revelation, though I haven’t seen her original statement and as you say maybe it was just misunderstood. But still, I am pretty sure there are LGBT+ idols that date, and that it’s very possible there are inter group relationships of different kinds. I mean we legit have an example of a group (K-Population) that disbanded because one member cheated on another member he was in a relationship with with a third male idol. So we don’t know how common it would be, but it’s definitely not impossible.

However we can conclude from statistics alone that many idols will be LGBT+, and that all of them would be living in celibate is just not realistic. Being LGBT+ in any country is a risk, but of course in a country like South Korea that risk is a lot higher. There are still people who are openly LGBT+ in Korea, and even a few examples (though very rare) in the entertainment industry. But we have to remember queer people and queer relationships have always excisted under very difficult conditions. But they decided to be together despite the risks. Not saying we can compare, but just that we need to realize that something being difficult or even forbidden doesn’t mean it can’t happen anyway.

So, we can guess some idols, despite the risk, would still choose to be together/sleep around etc. We also know any relationship is a risk for an idol, or that they do stuff that are illegal etc. as well, so again, risk doesn’t have to equal something can’t happen anyway.

If anything what I find interesting here is that people do seem to know about some idols being LGBT+ or in relationships but it still remains mostly hidden. Unless she is talking about only people very close to her or her own group. Again, I think idols would be careful with any relationship, but obviously people in the industry know to be discreet about it to some level. But yeah, I think looking at any entertainment industry and being a fan of idol culture for a long time this feels very natural and something I would guess happens at least from time to time. I’ve seen other interviews with ex trainees etc. as well and it does seem a lot of rumors float around, but that often managers/staff find out stuff even before other members of the same group does. However, I do think we also have to remember BTS aren’t going to be exactly like all other groups, and likely has a lot of other aspects we need to take into consideration when speculating. Thanks again for the ask and info. :)

Ask 5 and 6 - Replies to earlier ask about not enjoying a pair because of shipping

Hi and thank you both for sharing. These are two replies to “ Ask 5 - Not enjoying a bond because of it’s shippers” from the post Ask: Reply - 2021.03.25. 

Firts thanks for liking my posts, and indeed we should remember that romantic love is not automatically superior. Vmin just being Vmin is enough no matter their relationship status. We know their bond is special to them, and any partner of theirs would know it too and have to be fine with it.

I get feeling like “I don’t want those toxic people to be right” though... It happens to me too and it especially annoys me because even if any of the big ships are real that doesn’t mean all of their toxic theories and narratives are. But it feels like them being right about a ship being real would include the stuff they got wrong as well. So yeah, it’s not always easy to sepparate the two sides of shippers being toxic and having toxic narratives from the possibility of their ship being real. When it affects the way you personally enjoy a dynamic it has gone quite far though, and hopefully you might in time be able to sepparate the ship from the shipping narratives.

I know there are many people who feel this way and who also feel very bad about feeling this way. Sadly I really think this is just very common psychology that might be difficult to avoid once you get emotionally invested. Feeling bad I think is a very good sign actually, because you are aware you shouldn’t look down on or get annoyed with other members because of shipping. At least you aknowlegde and admit to it, which means you can try to work against it. Avoiding toxic places and people is a good start. I hope you can get to enjoy all of BTS’s bonds and work towards not having to feel bad. I know it’s not easy, but again, you should give credit to yourself for at least being aware and trying.

Again, I think getting involved with ships, or even just being a fan of real people, can come with a lot of difficulties when we start to build our own view of them. Getting that view shattered will never be pleasant, and even the idea of something can threaten our image and thus make us feel bad or even defensive. I really don’t know any great way to get around this but to simply try to be aware and get yourself used to the thought that your image might not completely overlap with reality. This goes for thinking something about individual people and their relationships to each other. We should always be prepared to be wrong. Not that we should say “anything is possible” or that everything is equally likely, because honestly saying things like BTS all hate each other etc. is so unlikely it’s basically impossible. (At least to me.) But again, we need to remind ourselves we are only people watching from afar. We do know BTS to some extent, but only what they choose to show us, it’s not a mutual relationship even though it might feel very intimate. 

I think the biggest problem is when our own views become more worth to us than what we actually get to see or hear from the boys directly. When fans think we know better or get invasive and toxic in how we express our views. We also really need to remember to sepparate anything that comes from the fandom from what comes from BTS themselves. No matter if it’s toxic people or toxic narratives we have to try and not let it influence our views of BTS themselves. Again the only advice I can really give is to try and actively remember the difference and to stay away and not engage with anything that might affect you in a harmful way. I know it’s difficult and I am sorry I can’t be of any more help. But yes, you who feel like this aren’t alone, and it’s not easy but at least you are trying and most importantly don’t want to feel this way.

As for the second part of the second ask about wanting JK to be with someone who priorotize him I just want to point out that if another ship than Vmin is real I am sure they do love each other and appriciate each other. We don’t get to see everything, so for all we know they might say even “worse” things, just not publically. This is after all also part of our image based on what we see, which doesn’t have to translate into their real lives. I know it might feel big or weird with Vmin calling each other soulmates while another ship has to hide, but at the end of the day that’s also how WE feel about it, and not neccessarily how they would feel about it. If any ship is real I am sure they are fine with all the things all members do to each other at this point or they simply wouldn’t do them, at least most of the time. Once again it’s important to trust their judgement over our own views on what would be good or bad etc.

Thank you again for sharing your stories, I think not feeling alone and trying to understand these problems is a good step towards working to overcome it. <3

Ask 7 - Tae wanting to have children and him being together with someone of the same sex

Hi and first of all don’t worry about me getting angry. I rarely get angry for people asking questions, but rather how and maybe why they ask them. I don’t see why wondering about Tae being so vocal about wanting children is bad, but I do think we have to remember that wanting children doesn’t equal they will never choose to be with someone of the same sex. Jimin too has said “Is this how I will feel when I become a father” and has said he wants children. Tae being louder about it doesn’t make him less likely to be queer and it doesn’t mean he can’t still want it but choose to be with a man anyway, despite the struggles. I get your point though and it’s good to keep in mind and not gloss over. It would be something that might make a gay relationship with Tae less likely, but it also mostly depends on things we have no clue about.

We also have to remember no matter what it’s likely not something they would want now and there is still time for the world to change. Tae could be optimistic that things will change eventually, who knows. Of course it’s also possible for him to change his opinion. Personally I used to think I would get married and have children but now think that’s not for me. I do believe he does want children, don’t get me wrong, he seems to love children a lot and has even said he want a lot of children. But I just want to leave it open for him to change or to choose other things above having a family. We don’t know how important having children would be for him if put in the situation of having to choose.

I do think we shouldn’t dimiss Tae wanting children completely in the “is he with a man in a serious relationship” question but that jumping to “well then he clearly is going to get married to a woman” is something very different. He could be saying it because he sees himself marrying a woman in the future, it’s definitely very possible that he doesn’t think about it further than that. Or he could be kind of like “I want children, we will figure out the rest when we get there.”

In the end I don’t think Tae being loud about wanting family has to mean much in any direction as it depends on a lot of other things. Like what did he think when he said it, does he think the same now, would he choose to be with the person he loves over having a family, is he hopeful he will be able to have a family with another man no matter the current circumstances etc? We don’t know what Tae thinks, except that he does seem to want family. Which again, Jimin seems to want too, so then it should be brought up for him as well (even if Tae has said it more often.)

This is of course just what if’s to begin with, and wanting family and not being leagally allowed to is of course a big thing. We just can’t know how Tae personally would think about it or express it even if he was LGBT+ and in a relationship with another man. He could choose to in the end marry a woman even if he is LGBT+ as well of course. But again it’s one of those things that is too personal and where individual choice/view matters too much for me to really know if it would reflect in Taehyung’s way to express it or not.

Sorry for the kind of non answer... I just don’t think we have enough to go on and that assuming what Tae would say or nor say or what he would choose in the end is too difficult to say.

Ask 8 - Going down the rabbit hole, micromoments and shipping vs believing

Hi and thank you for your praise and shared moments. You requested to be on anon so I’ll just remove your name. :) I think it’s really important to realize the differences in our own views and behaviors, and I am glad you liked my post  Shipping vs Believing because I really think it’s one of the most important posts I have written on this blog.

I’ll start a bit harsh by saying this; that moments on their own no matter how suggestive or weird doesn’t really mean much to me. Micro or big doesn’t matter much either, they might still mean nothing more than Vmin being platonic but having an odd moment. For me the behaviors and changes over time, the things that seem to become patterns and that doesn’t seem to fully make sense from an outsider perspective are the things that really make me wonder. But even then most things are simply interpretation and speculation and thus I end up somewhere with “this could mean something or it could mean nothing” for basically all moments. I won’t dismiss small moments just because they are small because if there is something they too are part of the whole, but I won’t hyper analyze big moments because if it’s nothing there it’s just me adding intention in my interpretation. It’s the full picture that I try to consider. 

Truly questionable indivudual moments are rare, and again, on their own wouldn’t even be that questionable if not for the fact that some of them have happened more than once or twice. Basically Tae writing one song based on a very important moment between him and Jimin wouldn’t be too weird. But if he is consistantly writing to or about Jimin specifically there could be more to it. It’s still just a could, but it’s the way I view things as more or less interesting in a full perspective.

As for the Run 53 moment I personally didn’t see anything in that moment of Vmin sharing and eating that Gimbap as something suggestive (I assume that’s the part you meant based on the time stamp). I think Jimin getting a bit annoyed and him wanting to draw on Tae is more interesting in comparison. Or how JK seemed to think Jimin just wanted to write his name on Tae’s body and Jimin said he “couldn’t do it” on his own shirt.

For the instagram post, thank you for the collection of cursed Vmin moments. :) I do enjoy these moments and gush about them and speculate about them of course, but again... None of these videos on their own would really make me wonder about Vmin. I’ve seen far worse in many other real people ships (Taemin and Kai or just all of Shinee is a good example), not to mention most of them are on stage and could at least be dismissed as partly fanservice (again fanservice doesn’t mean fake). 

No, for me moments on their own are not what makes me wonder about Vmin. The songs, the change over time, the possibility of them being careful with stuff (vlives or Jimin getting nervous) etc. is much more questionable to me. If we add moments on top, the moments could mean something... But they really don’t have to. Other shippers have their own moments that they think put their ship above any others, so it really is too subjective most of the time for me to truly think much of a particular moment. Even if Vmin would be real I don’t think a lot of moments has to mean anything special. The patterns though... Or when I have theories and I can keep adding to them... That’s when small moments and big moments become something possibly “more” to me. 

Sorry if I am shooting down your moments, I still enjoy them of course, even though I don’t think they are suggestive or special on their own. But really, thank you for sharing your thoughts and these nice moments. <3

Ask 9 - Vmin cuddling and grabbing ass

Haha, it’s funny because when I got the first ask I wondered if maybe you saw MY POST, and turns out you did. :P No need to be sorry, I can still talk a little bit about it since that was part of your ask. And there are a lot of Vmin blogs and content so mixing it up is totally understandable, especially since it was just a moment and not a discussion post.

Personally I think we have seen many moments like this from Vmin and other members, and the only thing I feel might be something is how Jimin squeezes and then seem to change to slapping which I suppose looks less intimate. (The squeeze is not in the gif, sorry.)

Again, coming from the ask above this is a typical example of a moment that could be something or nothing no matter if Vmin is real or not. I do agree it looks very intimate and I do love that Vmin have an obsession with each other’s asses, but if it’s platonic or not is really just up for interpretation. Also while I do think they usually are aware of them being filmed I do think behaviors can slip through and they forget in the moment.  Or they just don’t care at times? It wouldn’t surprise me if these slip ups are more likely to happen in each other’s company or in places they feel less guarded, for example at home. But even if it’s a reaction like “oh wait I shouldn’t do this on camera” it still doesn’t have to mean more than that they don’t want to show it camera. I’ve said it before but even being careful or doing things like hiding in rooms or even being jealous or writing songs has to automatically be romantic/sexual. Vmin act in ways that are questionable, but them being queerplatonic and just careful is very much a possibility as well.

Ask 10 - Vmin vs Ji/kook being less/more vocal and how did I survive being a Vmin shipper for so long?

Haha, you make being a Vminie sound difficult when truly it’s the easiest thing in the world. I know I am repeating myself but just because we got a lot of moments from other ships it doesn’t mean we didn’t get anything from Vmin. I also personally think that Jimin in typical Jimin fashion started to cling more to JK after he went through a rough time in 2018, just like Jimin got glued to Tae in Malta when he was sad and needed comfort. Jimin is just a good human like that. That being said, ships always go up and down in amount of moments and at this point I don’t think about it too much.

I really think Vmin sharing a lot more now has a lot to do with slow change over time, and simply feeling comfortable being more open. It’s of course possible they did spend less time in those years and thus had less to say... But considering some of the odd behaviors and the fact that Tae in particular didn’t shut up about Jimin at all, I think a lot of it comes down to fan perception. More people are noticing and hyping Vmin moments now as well. I also personally try to avoid the “what happened” speculations in regards to ships in particular when we don’t know if the change we see has to be about a ship or even if that change is actually real or just us projecting. Vmin saying they got closer is one thing, but when I speak about how Vmin seemed to get more careful that really is just my interpretation and guess.

I also don’t really know how much we can compare “do it a lot more now vs before” with Ji/kook because they still do those things... There are other factors that can play a part in why it’s brought up or not brought up more or less that doesn’t have to be related to being open vs careful. I mean, we got the Run episode of Ji/kook leaving together just recently, and Jimin mentioning several times about being with JK for the Billboard nr 1 news. At the same time we got a lot of Vmin and even Tae’s “I told him to come sleep next to me”... So really I don’t think the two things happening more or less can be easily compared or that we can add any intentions behind it.

Moments are up and down a lot over time... For all ships. And I see people start to worry “did something happen” even for ships like Ji/kook. Being a fan for long really does add perspective. I think for me coming into it being aware of idol culture and as a seasoned shipper it was also easier to just appriciate moments as they came and hoping for more without adding too much “doom think” into it. 

I don’t get worried about Vmin because I know even if we have a period of less moments we will get more soon again. Just look at now recently with there being little moments here and there, and people being sad and waiting for crumbs, followed by this week with so many great Vmin moments!

Shipping Vmin is easy when I focus on what we have and what we get instead of what we don’t get or what other ships get. Having perspective over time and patience and faith in their bond also helps. :) Vmin are easy to love after all. <3

Ask 11 - Choosing what asks to answer (and a bunch of nice things)

Oh my, I mean thank you. :3 But also sorry? Because I feel this ask collection had a lot of topics straying away from just “lovely things about Vmin”. I even kind of compared other ships a lot, so I hope you understand I will bring up some controversial topics and have opinions that people won’t agree with from time to time. It’s not my focus or course and I will avoid things I do think are too toxic, but I also feel like sometimes the difficult topics needs to be adressed. Like a lot of the asks today for example. 

I think I will make a post about ask etiquette, but generally I’ll try to answer your asks if I can. As long as it’s not something I don’t want to talk about or if it’s straight up toxic.

Still, your thoughts about me and my blog made me very happy. Thank you for liking my writing style too, because I tend to be all over the place and repeat myself a lot, not to mention actual mistakes and being generally sloppy. ^^’’’  So thank you! I just hope you are ok with asks like today too, but otherwise at least I am trying to add topics so you can avoid it if it seems like something you don’t want to read about. <3

Ask 12 - This ask just makes me happy

I mean what else can I say but thank you? And how your words makes me really happy and all warm on the inside. I try hard to not get swayed too hard in any direction, but not going to lie, that is very hard sometimes. Both in good and bad directions. As you say, at the end of the day we should all try to remember the difference between theory and confirmed things, even if something sounds very plausible or makes sense. And being an ARMY for a longer time (though not at all since the beginning) does give perspective. But it doesn’t really make my opinions superior or Vmin as a ship superior for that matter. All it really says is that Vmin are worth loving and that there is a lot to say and gush about them from every single year. Thank you again for your kind words. 

And that was it for this time... There was a lot of complicated asks today, and some topics might not be what you wish to read about, but I hope you all enjoyed and found this post interesting regerdless. Sorry for the lack of depth to some of my replies, but I felt I included most of what I wanted to say to some very difficult questions that would probably require a lot more time and detail to truly answer well.

I have plenty of asks left, not the least about Let’s BTS. But like I mentioned I need to save them for later as I haven’t watched the full thing yet and I want as much context as possible. But there is one thing I do know, and that is that 95z is love! 

Thank you all for reading, and sorry for the heavy topics and fuzzy replies. Feel free to discuss, but please remain civil. <3 

[insfiringyou]

BTS - A Chance Meeting (V & Ara)

Contains: Slight angst

*Alert for potential spoilers for fics not yet written in Jimin x Ara’s storyline*

Ara notices Taehyung sat alone in a quiet cafe and decides to stop by. 

You can find out more about our headcanon universe and ongoing storyline here and more about our headcanon girlfriends here.

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook & our full masterlist of fanart and fanfictions can be found here

If you wish to follow all member’s storylines in chronological order from the beginning, you can find them listed here.

Content below the cut

Ara hesitated, before tapping lightly on the single-pane glass with her fingernails. She didn’t want to draw too much attention but was unable to stop herself from knocking. It was a surprise to see him after so long and she had double-taken in the street. His hair was a little longer, but that was expected. The last time he had just returned from the military and his short, closely-cropped cut made him seem more somber; years older than he was. Now it was back to a length she found more familiar but the dark, wispy suggestion of facial hair on his upper lip was new. He seemed lost in thought, sat in the back of the cafe with a small cup clutched between his fingers, staring into space. Despite her being gentle, the sound seemed to startle him and he looked up. Ara gave a tentative wave, hoping he recognised her. 

She tucked her fringe behind her ear, watching him pause before he raised his hand slightly in acknowledgement. Her bleached strands felt unfamiliar as she brushed the neck of her hair; the short, pixie cut still freshly blow-dried from the hairdressers that morning. She had asked Da-eun to do it for her but the young woman had refused, thinking she might get into some kind of trouble for it. Ara understood, after all, she had not yet spoken to her manager about a change in style.

Taking the plunge, she tucked her black purse beneath her armpit and walked around the corner to the entrance; the soft tinkle of a bell above the door signalling her arrival. She could not read Taehyung’s expression as she approached his table at the back of the small space but hoped she was not intruding. He was sat snugly behind a column which, luckily, seemed private. The cafe only had a small handful of customers but she looked around cautiously before joining in. 

“Hi…” She beamed, keeping her voice low. “I haven’t seen you in ages. How are you?”

He nodded, meeting her gaze. “I’m good.” His tone gave nothing away, but after a moment he gestured to the spare chair opposite. “Do you want to sit down?”

She slid onto the seat automatically. “I can’t stay for long. I’ve got an appointment.”

He blinked a few times. “You’ve cut your hair.”

Her replying smile was bashful as her fingers moved in response to her fringe which had once more come untucked. “It was too warm in the heat. It’s much easier to maintain now.”

“It suits you.” He said coolly. 

There was a long pause between them, though it wasn’t awkward. She had grown used to these drawn-out silences, from the time he temporarily took lodge in her and Jimin’s apartment and when her boyfriend had left for the military. It would have been a lie to say she had gotten a lot from his company. He always seemed absorbed in his books as well as his thoughts, but there always seemed to be something he was holding back; an aura of mystery she couldn’t quite place and at odds with Jimin’s usual openness. But Taehyung was tidy enough and greeted her when she came home, so she hadn’t minded having him around. 

She found herself wondering what she could say to him. It seemed polite to stop and talk, but this chance meeting now reminded her how little she knew about his life now. Eventually, she spoke. “How’s the baby?”

The corner of his lips twitched in a vague smile. “Toddling.”

Ara was silent for a moment, only just realising it had been longer since she had seen him than she initially thought. “How old is he now?” She asked, voice open and inquisitive. 

He took a sip of tea; it’s aroma fragrant in the small space. She tried to read the label on the tag but couldn’t make it out. “Almost two.”

Her eyebrows raised in disbelief. “I can’t believe it’s been so long. I keep meaning to go and see Cassandra, but I wasn’t sure where she was now. Is she still in Seoul?” 

Taehyung nodded, putting down his cup. It made a soft, strangely comforting sound against the china saucer. “She’s in Gangnam. Do you have her number?”

She thought for a moment, before nodding with a frown. “If she hasn’t changed it. She was kind of hard to get hold of for a while.”

“Gabriel had colic.” He replied with a shrug, as though that explained the years of absence. Ara thought the explanation a little odd, but did not comment. 

“Did you choose the name?” She asked. 

“It just seemed right.” He quickly murmured, not entirely answering the question. Ara thought the reply seemed rehearsed, as though he had answered it many times. She wondered if his family had commented on it and whether he felt the need to defend the decision. Jimin had not spoken much about Taehyung’s family, and she herself had never heard them mentioned in conversation. All of a sudden she found herself hoping they had been supportive; not just for his sake but for Cassandra, whom she had known for so long. 

Ara forced the thought away. “I bet it sounds lovely when she says it. Cassandra always had the most wonderful voice.”

Taehyung looked up from his tea cup. “She still does.”

Her mouth opened, forming an ‘oh’, thinking she might have gotten it all wrong. Or maybe things had changed in the past two years. She approached the topic tentatively. “Are you two…?”

“No.” He confirmed. “But we make it work.” He quickly added.

Ara settled back in her chair; understanding. She gave a soft smile which she hoped didn’t come across as patronising. “I can tell you care about her a lot.”

“She’s the mother of my child, Ara.” He said quietly.

She sensed the sadness in his voice; a longing he couldn’t quite put into words and she nodded. “Of course.” She changed the subject lightly, seeing there was nothing else she could say on the matter of her old friend. “You should get in touch with Jimin. I know he wants to see you.”

He appeared to wince a little but recovered well. She almost hadn’t noticed. “You can tell him he’s welcome any time he wants. He knows where I live.” He murmured. 

Ara fell silent, realising he didn’t yet know. “You really haven’t seen him in a while have you?” She asked, before pressing on. “We broke up.”

He met her eyes across the table and she saw the shock in his expression. “When?”

“A few months ago.”

Taehyung was quiet, pensive, before he asked. “Was it mutual?”

She smiled sadly. “I think he needed it too. We still speak sometimes.”

The man opposite nodded in confirmation. “That’s good.”

Ara watched as he leaned forward to pick up the cup, looking downwards as he took the last few sips. She realised how lonely he looked; how the times she had come home to find him seemingly preoccupied masked the fact he didn’t seem to have anyone. His fans, she remembered, always thought him something of an enigma. She wondered now if that was truly it. 

“Have you thought about dating again?” She suggested, making sure to keep her voice down low, should anyone else hear. 

He didn’t look up from his cup. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know…” She trailed off, figuring out how best to word it. “Being in a relationship seemed to suit you.” She shrugged. It seemed silly now she said it out loud. “As far as I could tell anyway.”

“Cass has moved on.” He murmured, frankly.

Ara hesitated. “I meant with someone else.”

Taehyung’s eyes snapped up, meeting hers purposefully and she let out an unexpected giggle. 

“I didn’t mean me.” She confirmed, shaking her head. It felt strange without the usual brush of hair against her shoulders. She settled down, her laughter subsiding, and gave a long, dramatic groan, anticipating how pathetic she must sound. “I’m still trying to find myself.”

He looked back at the table, picking up a napkin and twisting it absently between his long fingers. “I don’t think I could have that again.” 

“You never know.” She easily dismissed.

His brows knitted together, creating deep, frustrated grooves in his forehead as he mumbled, glumly. “Maybe some people are only meant to be with one person.” 

Ara raised a questioning eyebrow. “You never dated anyone before Cassandra?”

Taehyung looked up once more, answering quickly. “That was different.” He sharply declared. “I was young.”

“You’re still young.” She said, deliberately gently, seeing he was hurt.

He grew quiet and shuffled uncomfortably in his chair. Ara feared she might have crossed the line and she tightened her grip on her purse, getting ready to leave before he suddenly spoke. “I wouldn’t even know where to meet someone.”

Her hands stilled and she relaxed. “Well…” She held out the palms of her hands. “What do you like?”

He met her gaze. “In a girl?” 

She shrugged. “Or a guy.”

Half-expecting him to question this, he surprised her by remaining silent, meditative; thinking deeply. She wondered if he knew about her. Perhaps Jimin had told him. 

“Someone sweet.” He eventually said. “Someone kind.”

Her lips curled, simpering. “Is that all?”

“I’m not that picky.” He stated. 

She couldn’t help but scoff. “You dated the most European girl in Seoul.”

“She’s only half European.” He contended, entirely missing the point. 

“You know what I mean...” Ara shook her head with a grin and sitting back, she reflected for a moment. “What about looks?”

“Personality is more important.” 

“You must have a preference?” She challenged, suddenly curious. 

Once again he fell silent and Ara found herself a little impressed at how seriously he was taking this. “Dark eyes...soft and sweet.”

“The kind of girl you’d bring home?” She questioned with a smirk. 

“Someone I could marry.” He stated, a little dreamily.

Ara nodded, amused. He sounded strangely serious. “I know just the girl.” She teased, an idea already forming in her mind. 

He looked at her; eyelashes heavy, giving him a sleepy look “How about you?”

She stretched in her seat, realising she hadn’t thought about it much before and was surprised he asked. Smiling to herself, she blushed. “Smooth skin. Nice lips.” She giggled in embarrassment, adding: “No stubble.”

“So Jimin?” He challenged. 

The corners of her lips turned up and she looked away, unable to help the way her heart still skipped a little at his name. “I don’t know…” She admitted, drifting off and watching from the corner of her eye as he reached into his pocket, searching for his wallet. She took the opportunity to flick through her phone, typing a name and bringing up a familiar social media account. She swiped through the pictures with her manicured thumb before finding one which showed the girl in question at a good angle. It was taken at a company event, and the dress she wore was uncharacteristically short. The other girls on the make up team had talked her into wearing it but Ara saw the way she had tugged on it incessantly all night, trying to cover her pale knees with the frilled hem. 

“What about her?” Ara held out the screen, showing him. 

Taehyung squinted at the picture. “Do you know her?”  

“She’s my stylist.” She confirmed before tucking the phone back in her purse and closing the magnetic clasp. “You’d like her, she’s sweet...and single.” She added.

“What’s her name?” He asked casually. 

“Da-eun.”

She thought he was going to ask more, but instead changed the topic. “Are you going back on tour soon?”

“Once the new album’s out, we still have a lot of work to do. I’m meeting the producers this afternoon.” 

“That sounds good.” He murmured, sounding a little tired. She sensed the conversation was drawing to a close. 

“Are you working on anything?” She asked politely. 

“I was thinking about it.” The other man shrugged indifferently. 

“I’m sure your fans would really enjoy it.”

“I’d be doing it for me.” 

The steely tone of his reply took her aback a little and she found herself recalling the news headlines in the days following the birth. “Even so…” She drifted off weakly and checked her watch before drawing her chair away from the table. “I’d better be going.” She murmured apologetically, getting to her feet. “It was really nice bumping into you.”

His eyes followed her as she gathered her belongings and extended the strap on the purse across her shoulder. “You too. Take care.”

“I will.” She smiled, tucking the chair neatly beneath the table and turning to leave. 

“Ara?” He called softly and she spun back. He was silent for a few seconds but she waited patiently. “Your friend Da-eun…” He seemed a little embarrassed. “You can give her my number.” Another pause. “If you like.”

It took her by surprise but she nodded in agreement. “I will.” She confirmed, giving a gentle wave. “Goodbye Tae.”

***

Thank you for reading. To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga  /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook

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[chaekkuman]

KIM GARAM: “I’m the one who chose this path, so I’m trying to make sure I never lose my original passion”

Right from the outset, GARAM’s dream was to be a singer. The same girl who once felt inner freedom just from watching performances on music TV shows is now ready to stand on the stage herself.

The way you look so confident at the beginning of your debut song, “FEARLESS,” is really impressive. KIM GARAM: I kept thinking, What am I supposed to do here? What if I mess up? I had to be intense to make a strong impression, but I was a little worried since I felt like that didn’t really come across well. Luckily I think I’ve been getting better since I’ve been completely absorbed in the song’s concept while shooting everything lately. Everyone tells me my facial expressions got a lot better, so I’m slowly gaining confidence. (laughs)

Your performance is really balanced and attention-grabbing when you’re in the center during the second time through the chorus. KIM GARAM: It was hard to express the intended intensity of the lyrics “what you lookin’ at”, and I thought that it was important to act and convey the meaning through dance. So I tried to get into character by watching dramas and movies that fit in with our concept. Looking at Korean movies, the character of Yenicall from The Thieves is both strong and alluring-ish? That’s what I was going for.

Am I correct in assuming that it was your first time creating such a strong presence? KIM GARAM: Up until I joined the group, I mostly practiced poppy songs. Now I think “FEARLESS” is a good fit for me, too. (laughs)

You must be really busy lately, getting ready to debut. KIM GARAM: Everything is new to me, so even up until just recently I have been really nervous. I was really looking forward to making trailers and music videos ever since we were slated to debut, so I tried my best, even when it felt awkward. I want to continue taking on new challenges in the future, even when they’re completely new to me. I’m really looking forward to performing, personally. I can’t wait to perform on music shows and in concerts and I want to keep improving so that I can be recognized for my talent someday.

I understand you spent one year as a trainee. How was that? KIM GARAM: It felt just like I had the same kind of freedom you get from going to an academy. I got out of school early every day to practice, always left at the same time and ate with the other trainees. I remember leaving school early and getting something to eat with EUNCHAE before going to the practice studio and saying things like, “What do you want to do if you debut?” (laughs) There were little things like that. Then I only went to school once or twice a week after joining the group sometime last summer so I could focus on getting ready for the debut.

When did you first start dreaming of becoming an idol? KIM GARAM: I wanted to be a singer ever since I was in kindergarten. I was really introverted when I was little, so I was way quieter than I am now, but I could feel my personality change a bit whenever I sang and danced. I sang in a school show in kindergarten and on a karaoke machine with my family when we went to a vacation home (laughs) and was outgoing and had a ton of fun instead of sitting around quietly, but only at times like those. Then my friend asked me to go to an audition together one day, and I started to actually work toward becoming a singer, beginning with that audition in 2018.

How did you end up as a trainee at SOURCE MUSIC? KIM GARAM: Interestingly enough, SOURCE MUSIC was the first label I auditioned for. I didn’t make it in at first, but I got a casting offer two years after that. (laughs) I passed after auditioning again and became a trainee for the first time.

How did you practice when you practiced by yourself? KIM GARAM: Only my family knew I was preparing to audition back then, so I did whatever I could to practice by myself and asked them to film me singing and dancing. I have a brother who’s 10 years younger than me and sometimes he would follow along with my moves next to me when I was practicing. It was cute. (laughs)

I bet you find him really cute since he’s so much younger than you. (laughs) KIM GARAM: He’s seven (laughs) but we always played and goofed around together despite our age difference. We were just typical siblings—like friends. (laughs) But we live separately now so I don’t know how big he’s gotten, and we only see each other now and then so it feels weird when we do. We’re a little shy with each other at first but we quickly get back to having fun like old times, but it’s still a little bit sad.

How did your family react to the news that you were going to debut? KIM GARAM: The first thing I did was talk to my parents. They said they were very happy for me and proud, and said, “I can’t believe it! You did it!” I think my brother sort of understands what I’m doing, too. He was so happy when he heard I would be on TV and said he would have my back whenever I’m having a hard time. (laughs)

How does it feel achieving a dream you’ve held on to for so long? KIM GARAM: I actually wasn’t confident I would be able to debut, even right up until the last minute. Nobody can be sure how it’s all going to turn out until the debut teaser video is revealed. But I was so happy when I heard we were definitely going to debut, and thought back on all the time I spent practicing. I absolutely love it and it’s what I want to do, and I feel like I’ve been giving it my all and trying with all my heart.

How did you feel when you saw yourself on camera while shooting all those photos and videos? KIM GARAM: These photoshoots showed me for the first time what I really look like. (laughs) I thought I had fairly tall eyes, but I felt like they’re actually wider than I thought. (laughs) I found out which angles work best for my face and I think I’m progressively learning what to do to make better facial expressions.

It must have been all new for you to record your vocals and hear your own voice after, too. KIM GARAM: It was the first time really hearing my own voice and it was so awkward. I thought I had a fairly low voice, but I sounded like a baby when I sang. (laughs) And I never knew that I have a habit of not opening my mouth wide enough, so I worked really hard to stop that. At first it felt like I was singing somebody else’s song, even though it was ours, but I’m much more used to it now, so I don’t feel like I’m singing somebody else’s song anymore. (laughs)

It sounds like you’re really getting to know yourself while doing this. KIM GARAM: It seems like I have a lot to learn. Yesterday we were practicing for live performances and it was my first time wearing in-ear monitors. They’re exactly the same size as your ears so it was super uncomfortable and painful. (laughs) After I heard my voice, um … I felt like I needed a lot of practice. (laughs) I actually didn’t get a chance to show off my vocals much this time around, so later on I want to really nail a song with really powerful vocals, since I’ve never had a chance to try that before, and I want to do a lot of covers, too.

What kind of music do you usually listen to? KIM GARAM: I listen to a lot of pop music these days. I listen to it a lot to study up on my English pronunciation. (laughs) I found the pronunciation of the word “fearless” in our lead single to be really tricky but luckily YUNJIN guided me a lot when we first went to record it. (laughs)

What’s your first impression of “FEARLESS” like? KIM GARAM: I thought it sounded a lot different from all the other K-pop I’ve ever heard. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I really wanted to break through the idea of what K-pop is supposed to sound like through songs like this. All the other members said they liked it as soon as they heard it, too, and kept saying how eager they were to learn the dance for it.

Is there any difference between when you dance to the poppy and bright “Blue Flame” versus when you dance to “FEARLESS”? KIM GARAM: It’s extremely hard to dance to “FEARLESS” right after dancing to “Blue Flame,” but I think I can express myself more naturally if we dance to “FEARLESS” and then “Blue Flame” since it feels like the emotions are being elevated. There’s something captivating about the two-sidedness of going from a song with a powerful message to one that feels really bubbly, and it ultimately feels like the burst of energy that accompanies you when you set out on a journey, so I think I really liked the way that flows. But, after practicing more and more, I feel like I’m not quite capturing the feeling behind “Blue Flame.” (laughs) It was easy when I first learned it, but after a while I started to worry that I was just smiling a lot. Right now I’m thinking about different ways I can express an upbeat song like that.

It seems like you’re very ambitious about dancing. KIM GARAM: I pay particularly close attention to the dancing part because I want to be a good dancer. If you can’t dance well, then the taller you are, the stiffer you look. And there are moves that emphasize that when I do “Blue Flame” especially, so I tried to make my movements bigger and gentler. I can also tell when I’m getting tired from dancing because I start to get sloppy, so I want to be more careful about that aspect, too.

Was it fairly simple getting in step with the other members for the performances? KIM GARAM: Even though we all wanted to get it down quickly, we also wanted it to be perfect, so we could tell what wasn’t working without saying anything just by looking around and then fixed it. We started to figure out which parts needed more attention as we practiced more and more.

It sounds like you got along well straight away. It couldn’t have been easy spending most of your time with new people. KIM GARAM: I think we naturally became close because we spend practically every waking moment together. It was somewhat awkward living all together at first since I like spending time alone and didn’t know what it means to be a team very well either, but I think I’m slowly changing and am becoming the kind of person who jumps at every chance to do something together now. I feel like our group grew especially close ever since our group photos were released recently. (laughs) There was so much to take care of before the debut, but I really shed my worries and felt reassured thanks to having time to get myself together and talk things through with them. I hope we’ll all be happy.

You probably feel more reassured thanks to having so many older members with experience in your group. KIM GARAM: It was absolutely amazing being in the same group and practicing with people I used to see on TV. It was like I was looking at celebrities. (laughs) It was honestly a bit awkward at first, but I can depend on them because they take care of all the little things and are really supportive. CHAEWON, especially, usually jokes around a lot, but I thought it was so cool the way she’s so organized and exact with her words when we need to work on something together or she points out that something is wrong.

What would you say your role within the group is? KIM GARAM: The funny one … ? (laughs) They all say everything I say is funny. I don’t really set the mood in the group and I can’t be funny on command (laughs) but I guess I’m just naturally funny. (laughs)

Even though you’re shy, you seem to have an animated side. Have you joined in on the fad and taken an MBTI test? (laughs) KIM GARAM: I’m ISTP. (laughs) I need a little time to come out of my shell. I’m animated but quiet, direct but I don’t talk much (laughs). I think there’s a kind of ambiguity about me that way. I’m not very emotional, but there’s an emotional side to me.

Do you have a way of harnessing that emotion to find more energy? KIM GARAM: Being alone. (laughs) I think I’m the kind of person who recharges herself by lying down quietly or doing something I enjoy by myself. Family is a major source of strength for me, too. Sometimes I felt bad when I was a trainee and I felt like I wasn’t improving at all or I felt physically exhausted, and I even wanted to give up early on, but whenever that happened, my family would support and encourage me and I realized I should see it through to the end.

So what is your source of happiness now? KIM GARAM: I like bready foods, and cookies, and desserts. (laughs) So I watch a lot of baking videos, and I’m really into clothing these days, too. I started to like to wear pretty workout clothes to make it really feel like practice (laughs) so I had to go out shopping for them, and then I progressively developed an interest in everyday clothes, and ended up searching for the kind of airport fashion idols wear, too. (laughs) I still like simple clothes and a small highlight—the effortlessly chic look. (laughs)

I hope you have many more fun things to come after your debut. KIM GARAM: I’m worried about having any improvements to show off after the debut and also excited at the same time. “When you feel like you want to give up, remember why you got started in the first place.” That’s my motto. It’s what I always wanted to do, and I’m the one who chose this path, so I’m trying to make sure I never lose my original passion and always try my best.

© source

[dojae-huh]

"Listen to the shippers. Many of them are happy to consume BL or ship their oppas, but just try insinuate their bias is gay..."

Agreed. I remember joining the fandom and some fans were vocally against this blog. I understood their reservations then about not really knowing them personally and how its not our place to label them but when I realized they're the same ones who often joke, on twt of all places, about "little gay jaehyunie is back" or "someone's possessive/jealous/crushing hard/obvious about their feelings", make threads about shippery moments, consume/make fanfics and fanarts (some with straight up p*rn) I found their hypocrisy/irony a little uncomfortable.

For real, sometimes fans would police others just so that they can advertise they are on a "higher moral ground" (well, until they are faced with the facts) but it's almost always less about how the idols would feel but more for their ego boost.

In connection with this, seeing the various reaction upon the news of jh's choice to take on such a role, I find it laughable when some point out how the story is filled with "controversy and taboo" as if half of the fanfics on ao3 aren't lol like come on where is the energy that "art/books/movies are means to explore topics that are otherwise seen wrong by society"

On the other hand, I am still overwhelmed by the openness jaedo are allowed(?) this comeback. I hope there's some good news about a project for them soon.

All the best to your new place and work btw ��

Online bullying is another widespread hypocrisy. People cancel idols for rumours and then make a 180' turn on the spot and write anti messages to/about other fans and group members.

You put it nicely, anon. Most online policing is for ego boost. Volunteering, participating in projects like Zooniverse, helping people in real life (school, workplace), donating to projects, sometimes signing petitions, creating free educational material are real good deeds. But those take a lot of time and resources. Policing, on the other hand, is easy and brings the satisfaction of self-importance and self-righteousness right away.

People accumulate stress, anger, insult in daily life and then release the toxins on others. To pretend that they do nothing wrong, that they stay good people, to excuse vitriol comments and accusations, they find something "to protect", something "morally right", and give themselves a pass to bully or express their rage. You know, "for the greater good".

I've watched the movie. And the fans who say "it's filled with controversy and taboo" either have read only the summary or are incapable of understanding the story where the viewer needs to pay attention to the dialogue and fill in the gaps in narration. I would surprise you, but there is no real teacher-student romance even. The topic I see being discussed and frowned upon the most.

Hehe, but now I get why Jaehyun loves the movie.

Thank you, I need luck...

[woman-loving]

“The SAM” and its critics

I guess I won’t make it a whole thing, but here are my thoughts on the “split attraction model.” (NB: This perspective is based on my own recollections and interpretations, but I don’t know all things. Different versions of the story may exist.)

To begin with, the term “split attraction model” was coined circa May 2015 by critics who were trying to name a phenomenon they took issue with. Going forward, “critics” will refer to this group who first coined the term, but they are not the only ones who criticize the language, components, or universalism of the “split attraction model.” (Example from theacetheist with lots of links.) The particular criticisms I’m concerned with developed around the time that monosexism discourse was dying down, and a group that had been critical of “monosexism” was exploring new topics to complain about. (I was one of the complainers, to be clear; that is not a disavowal.) Here are a couple sample posts from May-July 2015: one, two, three, four. Note the anons mentioning they can’t find anything about the “split attraction model”--that’s because there was nothing else written using that language!

Grumblings were eventually arranged into the sequence of words, “split attraction model,” and that term took off among critics who used it as a vague gesture toward a set of grievances. As I remember it, one of the primary targets was the paired sexual-romantic identity format, e.g. naming one’s orientation as --sexual --romantic. Also as I remember it, criticisms were primarily concerned with its use beyond ace/aro people, focusing on what might be considered bi-range “mixed orientations” like “bisexual heteromantic” or “homosexual biromantic.” It wasn’t too uncommon to see people say that these paired identities could work for ace or aro people, but didn’t otherwise make sense.

I believe connections were also made between these identities and the creation and cataloguing of specialized identities that detailed to whom/what and how/whether one experienced attraction. The people who advanced or approved of these projects, and the approach to sexuality/gender that seemed to motivate them, were scorned as “mogai.” Although I too scorned “mogais,” I never looked too closely at any “mogai” blogs; “mogai” was a category based mostly on impressions. The use of other subtypes of attraction (e.g. sensual, aesthetic, platonic, which may have been previously popularized among ace/aro people) as the basis for orientation-like labels such as “heteroaesthetic” or “homosensual” also provoked consternation, although I couldn’t tell you if these labels were ever seriously adopted by a significant number of people. As I understand it, “romantic orientation” was also popularized among aces, although this and other concepts that took inspiration from it were being used on tumblr by a mixed and overlapping group of ace/aro/lgbtq people.

Sometimes when critics invoked the “split attraction model,” they were imagining all of this as a single model of orientation, in which (they presumed) a “complete” orientation (as they were used to thinking of it) would entail listing out --sexual --romantic --sensual --aesthetic and whatever other dimensions people created. But I think that often times critics would be thinking mainly of the paired sexual-romantic identity format, which was more commonly used.

The objections were many. A lot of these revolved around the way “sexual orientation” and --sexual terms were defined by people who also used “romantic orientation,” --romantic terms, and other parallel dimensions of orientation and identity.

Critics were used to “sexual orientation” and “sexuality” naming something that encompassed erotic/sexual, emotional/romantic (e.g. being “in love”), and social/kinship (e.g. dating, marriage) elements. Likewise, they understood terms like “bisexual,” “homosexual,” and “heterosexual,” as well as “gay” and “lesbian,” as inclusive of all these elements. And, in fact, this is the typical way in which these terms are used by gay/bi people and activists and by almost anyone writing about these subjects in a serious way. Gay/bi people have often had to demand recognition for the emotional and social aspects of their relationships and desires, or (alternately) for the sexual aspects, and so there was some significance attached to affirmation of their integration. Critics didn’t believe that all elements always occurred together, however. There's general recognition that sexual interest can occur apart from being “in love.” And while there’s more social skepticism over this possibility, many of these critics would have also agreed that you could be “in love” without sexual interest. (Some critics identified as ace and/or sex-repulsed.)

Critics sensed that when “sexual orientation” and --sexual terms were being paired/contrasted with “romantic orientation” and --romantic terms (and others), the meaning of the former were narrowed to only refer to specifically sexual and not emotional/social components. And I think you can, in fact, see that reflected in how "sexual orientation” is explained by some people who use both orientations (and others). A while back I compiled a sample of definitions of “sexual orientation” from a few college LGBTQ groups and compared them with a few definitions from AVEN and AVENwiki, and the difference is apparent. (Some of those entries have sense been edited in response to my post.)

So I think there was a real difference in how people were using “sexual orientation” and --sexual identity terms. The critics were using them in the broader, mainstream sense, while others were using them more narrowly. For record, I don’t think the narrower version is objectively “incorrect” or anything like that, and I can understand why some people would like to use it. But it is different from how the terms are usually used, and how a lot of gay/bi people and others would like to see them used. And reading “sexual orientation” in the narrower sense when it was intended to be used in the broader sense can result in a very loaded misunderstanding. The same is true for words like “bisexual” and “homosexual.” There was a lot of concern that calling oneself “bisexual” would be interpreted as exclusively sexual-related information.

The use of “homosexual” itself was also criticized. This was (with reason) identified as a stigmatizing term that a lot of gay people didn’t want to be called. But within the “split attraction model,” this term, in its narrower re-sexualized sense, seemed to be the “correct” term for gay people.

There was also concern about who was adopting “homosexual.” Critics who were coming from anti-monosexism circles tended to value solidarity between lesbians and bisexual women and didn’t see either group as privileged over the other. But they also accepted that there was a fairly clean boundary between these groups, and that keeping this boundary unambiguous was important. The “mixed” sexual-romantic identities such as “homosexual biromantic” blurred the distinction between gay and bi, and were thus unintelligible until they were translated as “just a gay person” or “just a bi person.” This translation could go either way. When translated as “just a bi person,” “homosexual biromantic” was perceived as bi people appropriating a gay identity, and a disrespectful one at that. 

A clear division between “oppressed” gay/bi people and “privileged” straight people was also a key point in critics’ social-political worldview, and this mixed identities also blurred this divide, resulting in potential “just a (homophobic) straight person” readings. A “heteromantic bisexual” could be a straight person who just used gay/bi people for sex, and was further obscuring their privilege and homophobic by presenting themselves as non-straight.

Unprocessed internalized homophobia and biphobia were seen as explanations for the adoption of these identities (for either “just gay” or “just bi” translations). The use and promotion of these terms (among advice blogs or through LGBTQ glossaries, for example) was also seen as limiting the ability for young gay/bi people to work through internalized homophobia and biphobia. Having doubts about whether one could have a sexual or emotional relationship with someone of the same gender were seen as common uncertainties among young and newly-out gay/bi people, resulting from the suppression of same-gender possibilities by a heterosexist society. There was a perception that questioning people were being actively encouraged to accept these uncertainties at face value as natural, enduring aspects of their orientation. Even simple exposure to these identities could set people back in their self coming out process, and some people reported how adopting these identities had been a roadblock on their own journeys.

In conjunction with all this, there was a perception that these models of orientation were gaining ground and displacing the models they favored. It seemed easy for current and past broader uses of “sexual orientation” to be overwritten with the narrower version, and thus have the speaker’s meaning completely distorted. I think part of this sense of threat was due to the paired sexual-romantic identities--and other specialized identities that were being developed--following a very empirical-sounding format. It seemed easy to read these terms as a cutting-edge classification of newly observed patterns of human “attraction” and “orientation.” Models that didn’t include them could easily be read as lagging behind and incomplete, their omissions attributed to ignorance rather than an alternate vision of what was meaningful and important to name. This all seemed to lean hard on on a “scientific,” essentialist model of sexuality. And actually, critics themselves sometimes drew on a similar model of sexuality to justify the divisions they saw as important (e.g. between gay and bi). Unfortunately, although critics saw these paired and specialized identities as a clear folly of “going too far,” I think they found it difficult to explain why these terms that sounded even more “sciencey” and comprehensive (= authoritative), were actually wrong.

Anyway, I guess that’s about all I have to say on it for now. Feel free to let me know if you think this story is accurate or inaccurate.