#sometimes it’s a ‘I can’t get into any new books right now so I’ll reread SoC’ reread

[whatbusiness]

my friends IRL who follow me on goodreads, watching me reread SoC for the 5th time in one year

[mallowstep]

(nature; nurture)

You know the truth of yourself in pieces.

* * *

You are three, sitting on your mother's lap.

"And you understand this is a life-long commitment?"

"Yes," she says.

"And Mothkit, Frogkit, and Hawkkit, do you want Feathertail to be your mother?"

"She is our mama," Hawkkit says, and the woman laughs.

"That settles it, then."

* * *

Growing up is not a balloon inflating, the way you once pictured it. It is a crab moulting over and over again, exposing its softest parts, in hopes it survives.

* * *

You are the first to go to kindergarten. Only by a few minutes, but still. That feels like it counts for something.

You kiss your mother's cheek, and then drop your bag. A man crouches down beside you. "And what's your name?"

"Mothkit!" you say, and he shows you where to put your bag. You glance back at your mother as you venture deeper into the classroom. She wipes a few tears from her eyes.

* * *

Unlike a crab, you cannot reabsorb what you lose. Your teeth are collected in a box, exchanged for a few quarters, occasionally a dollar. Your hair is swept up and thrown away. You go shopping, and now there are two sections you have to examine. One for you, one for your brothers.

* * *

Stormheart picks you up for school, and no one is waiting in the passenger seat. You all climb in, and you end up stuck in the middle.

"Where's Mama?" you ask.

"She's at home," Stormheart says. He glances back at you for a second, smiling. "She's just having a bad day."

You kick off your shoes at the door when you get home, dropping your bag on the kitchen table. Your brothers are slower, but you peek through the crack in her door before Stormheart catches up with you.

She's asleep, not facing you. Mistyfoot is on the other side of the bed, reading a book.

Stormheart scoops you up. "Come on, bug," he whispers. "Let's go play outside."

* * *

But your soft parts stay the same, just growing between each exchange. You ask her about your father many times, and her answers drift, circling around a truth you want her to finish. You slip into her room after having a nightmare, and find her sobbing. You make a family tree, and stare frustrated at the missing names.

* * *

You follow her out to the garden. Frogpaw spends more time out here than you do, but you're bored, and your mother is here, digging tiny troughs into the earth.

You cross your legs on the grass beside her. She smiles at you. "Are you going to stay out here?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want a hat?"

"No." The sun is warm, and you lean down, your elbows pressing into the dirt. "What are you planting?"

"Poppies," she says. "Do you want to help?"

You shake your head. Feathertail takes a handful of sandy dirt, and pours the bag of seeds onto it.

"Mama?" you ask, and she lifts her brow. "What's assault?"

Feathertail pauses what she's doing, and looks questioningly at you. "Where'd you hear that?"

"It was on a TV show." You fidget with blades of grass. "I wasn't really watching."

Feathertail sighs. "It's -- when you hurt someone," she says. "When you attack them."

* * *

But you are not a crab. You are a girl, and you are changing. Your father sends you a letter and asks you if you're a help to your mother. You grapple with the undeniable proof he's in prison, like she explained a year or two ago. You shoot up past your brothers over the summer, and have to buy new clothes. A new garment comes with it. Feathertail cleans a few things out of a room you can't think of as hers, and it becomes yours. Your soft parts move, find new places in need of protection.

* * *

Sometimes, you want to explain everything to Leafpaw, all in one breath. You want to say, My mother didn't give birth to me, but I know who did, and I was not wanted, except that I was, and my father believes I am capable of nothing, and my period has started, and I don't know what that means, and I think you are beautiful.

You don't say any of that.

* * *

But you are not a crab, so you find traces of your past exoskeletons, the ones that didn't fit. A shirt you wore five years ago. A diary you can barely understand. A folded piece of paper you do not open. They don't make sense with who you are, and yet, they are who you were.

* * *

Shadepelt teaches you how to use make up. Feathertail and Mistyfoot don't wear any, but she does, and she makes it look easy and fun and flawless.

It's much harder when you have to do it.

Hawkpaw and Stonefur arrive home when you are scrubbing it off in the bathroom downstairs. You don't come down here very often, and it is strange to think that this space is a part of your home.

When your face is clean, you trudge upstairs. The air is tense, Hawkpaw and Frogpaw staring across the kitchen table at each other, Feathertail watching them.

"I'm -- allowed to know," Hawkpaw says.

"What do you want to know?" Frogpaw says. "We know everything we need to."

"Maybe you do," Hawkpaw says.

You glance at Feathertail. Her back is to you.

You slide unnoticed into your room, and pull out the stack of letters from your father. You read them all once, exactly, and then add them to the stack you keep in your bottom desk drawer. There's no point in rereading them.

But you run your thumb over them, listening to the way the old, dried paper crinkles.

Frogpaw is asking the wrong question. It's why Hawkpaw wants to know that matters.

* * *

Freshman year draws to a close, and you think you are in your final moult. Leafpaw falls asleep on your shoulder on the way home from a field trip, and you hold hands as you wait to be picked up. You haven't outgrown any clothes in months, and your brothers are now taller than you. You look in the mirror, and realize this will always be the face that looks back at you.

* * *

There is always talk. You try to ignore the worst of it,

("Well, Hawkpaw is a creep," and, "I heard their mother doesn't love them," and, "Bet you can't wait to see your daddy,")

but that's easier said then done.

Leafpaw squeezes your hand. "They don't know what they're talking about," she says.

But they do. That's the problem. They're wrong, but they know what they're talking about.

A junior Mothpaw doesn't know sits beside her at lunch, in Leafpaw's space.

"You should move," Squirrelpaw says.

"No one's sitting here."

"Someone will be."

True to form, as soon as Leafpaw bursts into the cafeteria, she forces herself between Mothpaw and the junior.

The junior rolls her eyes. "I was wondering," she begins, "how you feel about the death penalty."

* * *

There are still old memories you revisit. Feathertail is hospitalized for the third time you can remember, and you log your hours for drivers' ed as you practice making the trip back and forth.

* * *

On Halloween, you take the bucket of candy Feathertail gave the three of you to share and sit on the back porch. Frogpaw and Hawkpaw keep stuffing their faces long after you've finished, and you feel like you're witnessing something obscene.

"I did some math," Frogpaw says. "We were born a month early." He throws a candy bar up, and it lands on his stomach. "Means we were conceived around New Years."

He throws the bar up again, and this time it lands in his hands.

"You ever want to throw a party? Just one. Make a bunch of food for dinner and sit around the table and call all the different dishes courses?"

"What the hell are you saying?" Hawkpaw asks.

"I think i'm just saying something," Frogpaw says. "I think I'm just hoping if I say enough things, I'll find the right thing to say.

* * *

You get your license. It says your name on the card, Mothpaw, daughter of Feathertail, and ask for permission to drive the car.

You don't have a plan for where you're going, and you end up in front of a cathedral.

* * *

The stress of junior year threatens to break you. College applications loom, your classes grow teeth, and you start to bicker with Leafpaw over petty things.

You read over the essay requirement for colleges, and think about what kind of essay you could write. Because there's really only one story worth telling, and it feels wrong, to type out all of your family to a stranger.

It makes you glad you started early. "My mother was fourteen when we were born," you write, and then scratch out. "My father is alive. We know who the other is. I've never met him," you write, and then erase. "I don't know who I am," you write, and then you keep writing.

* * *

At some point, you decide you don't believe. But. You keep coming back. There is something reassuring in routine. Your family doesn't ask where you are going, and you don't volunteer it. Sunday morning. There's some kind of peace, in having the time to sit and think and be.

* * *

"I think I've messed everything up," Leafpaw says. "I've gone about this all the wrong way, and now, everything is terrible, and this is all my fault, Mothpaw, I'm sorry-"

You kiss her, and then lean your forehead against hers. "We're both at fault," you say. "Besides. Maybe the honeymoon is over. We've got lives to attend."

And Leafpaw, inextricably, is part of that life. You can think of the essays you would've written about her. How her hair looks brown until it catches the sun, and then it shines like red glass. How she stomps when she is excited. How she links arms with you and says you're going shopping until you find your family Christmas gifts.

* * *

They invite you to a class, but it feels strange, knowing you don't believe. How do you say, I am here, and I am not, and I don't think you'd really want me.

You don't. You kneel down and offer a prayer to a god you don't believe in. Maybe it will catch.

* * *

Feathertail listens to you practice your speech.

"I'm so proud of you," she says. "You know that, right?"

You nod. She tells you this often, but something about her tone makes your throat catch. You've outgrown the days when Feathertail's arms could surround you, but even so, you start to cry when she hugs you.

"I love you," you say.

"I love you too," she says. She settles back onto the couch, wrapping her hands around a mug of tea.

This is the truth of who you are. This is what you will always fail to capture. How can you describe how the light streams inside at an angle that you've always known, one that makes the dust swirl through it? How can you describe the books on the coffee table, how each book has been read and loved, not merely thrown there for decoration? How can you describe yourself in any way but being there?

* * *

You meet your father's eyes. You know them. You have seen them in the mirror.

* * *

You hold your diploma in one hand, stopping for a photo. You were the first to enter kindergarten, you were the last to leave high school.

The excited chatter in the air is a reminder of what this day is. You have all bought your final yearbooks, signed names and numbers you won't remember in a few months. You're in it a few times -- Feathertail and Leafpaw delighted in hunting for your every appearance -- and you think, maybe it is okay if you are pieces.

There is something whole and solid that is made of them.

[fictionadventurer]

I like your post about the Hunger Games and agree with most of it, but I still think the love triangle was unnecessary and people are right to criticize it. Collins could have very easily written Gale as the best friend and Peeta as her main love (based on endgame choices) or vice versa I don't even care since I'm not a big shipper of either. But she did introduce the unnecessary drama that overall did not add much to the plot, and it only took away focus. So I think I understand that crit.

Once upon a time, I might have agreed with you. These are good books, important books, and we don’t need to defile this war epic by shoving in teenage-hormone love-triangle dramatics. Then I reread the series, and I was astonished at how, for the most part, the love story is inextricably intertwined with the action-adventure elements. You can’t take out the love-triangle elements without creating a very different book with a very different message. That love-triangle, far from defiling the war story, elevates it into something better.

It starts almost immediately in the first book. We see how Katniss has a deep friendship with Gale, something that could turn into romance, except that she doesn’t dare to go down that path. There’s no place for marriage, and definitely not for new children, in their broken world. She only has energy for day-to-day survival. And once Katniss goes into the Hunger Games, romance is definitely off the table. She needs to harden her heart and make no human connections with the people around her if she wants to have even the slimmest chance of making it back home to her family. In a lesser book, she’d be right–there’d be no goopy romance to distract us from the hard-bitten survival epic that the Hunger Games is supposed to be.

But then Peeta declares his love for her. Suddenly, she’s part of an epic romance on national television. She wants nothing to do with this strategy–love makes you look weak. (And doesn’t that sound a lot like people who criticize the YA love triangle?) But Haymitch counters that it makes her desirable to the audience, and suddenly the thing that had seemed so burdensome becomes necessary to her survival. She needs to play the game–and once they’re in the arena, she needs to figure out if it is a game to Peeta. Peeta has already shown himself capable of manipulating the emotions of all of Panem–is it possible that he’s manipulating her?

This is the real brilliance of the first book’s romance. It doesn’t distract from the main conflict–it is the main conflict. Like so many other teenage girls, Katniss asks herself, “Does this teenage boy like me?”, but in this case the answer is literally a matter of life and death. If he loves her, she can trust him to help her survive. If he doesn’t, he could kill her at any time.

By the time she finds out that his love is real, she has to fake romantic feelings toward him to draw in sponsors. Now she’s manipulating his emotions to survive, and she can’t hope to untangle what’s real and what’s fake in this manufactured mess of a reality show. But Peeta’s influence has shown her that love isn’t pointless in the Hunger Games–it’s the only way for them to truly fight back. She chooses love for Peeta–whether romantic or not–over her own life, and that’s the only reason that, for the first time in history, two victors manage to beat the Capitol at their own game. Katniss won not by being the best warrior, but by showing love. The love story wasn’t a distraction–it was the solution.

It’s only in Catching Fire that she has to deal with the consequences of that. She was willing to die for Peeta, but she’s not sure she wants to live with him, especially since their relationship started under such unreal circumstances. She’d much rather leave the Games–and Peeta–behind and return to the life she knew before. That life included Gale, and Katniss is, for the first time, willing to consider him as a romantic partner. If her romance with Peeta was fake, is it possible that she could have real romance with her best friend?

This is the point where the love triangle comes into full swing, and I’ll admit this is the book where it’s integrated most clumsily. It seems like Katniss is taking some unnecessary risks in pursuing a relationship with Gale, and the plot sometimes comes to a screeching halt so Katniss can think about her emotions. But even if the plot integration isn’t as smooth as it was in the first book, the thematic relevance of the love triangle is still spot-on. Katniss has to think about what she wants–cling to her old life or dive into this new post-Hunger Games world? Does love have a place in this world at war? And when we think about the question in that way, the sloppy integration of the love story into the main action plot is kind of the point. Katniss may be instigating a war, but she’s still a teenage girl. She still has emotions, but she’s being forced to hide or fake so many of them that she doesn’t know who she is, what she wants, or who she wants to be. How can she discover her identity, hold onto her humanity, in the middle of a war?  

Mockingjay is where we get the answer to those questions. With Peeta imprisoned in the Capitol and the war underway, Katniss is saved from having to make an immediate decision about her romance. She echoes every romance-hating fan’s thoughts when she says:

The very notion that I’m devoting any thought to who I want presented as my lover, given our current circumstances, is demeaning.

There’s a war going on! There’s no time for love triangles! But it’s only when she’s not being forced to pursue romance with Peeta that she can really evaluate her relationship with Gale–and she’s finding that it’s not as strong as she thought. When she needs advice, she gets it from Prim, not Gale. When she needs someone who understands the trauma of killing, she goes to Finnick or Johanna. Now that Katniss and Gale don’t have the shared bond of having to care for their families–who are kept safe and fed by District 13–they’re finding that they don’t have much else in common. Katniss is mistrustful of Coin, while Gale is part of her inner circle. Katniss kills only when she has to during the war, while Gale treats weapon design as a fun challenge. This exploration of their relationship isn’t a distraction from the main plot. They’re what make the main plot mean something. This is the lens through which Katniss considers her views on violence, on war, on life, on what the point of their fight is. She and Gale literally have arguments about utilitarian principles! It’s only by exploring and then severing this leg of the love triangle that Katniss finds out who she is and what she really believes.

Collins couldn’t explore these issues in the same way if either Gale or Peeta wasn’t presented as a romantic interest. The nature of eros is desire, and the whole point of the Peeta vs. Gale question is Katniss figuring out what she wants out of life. She needs to be drawn to both of them, in the same kind of relationship, if the question and answer are to mean anything. Does Katniss want her old life, with Gale as the most important person, with his anger driving her to fight for survival by any means necessary? Or does she want a new life with Peeta, where they live for something beyond mere survival? Which man, which philosophy, does she want to devote her life to? If Peeta was the love interest and Gale was only the best friend, she could have both in her life. But you can’t resolve the trilogy’s central question by having Katniss compromise. Choosing one side means she can’t choose the other–and the only relationship that requires such an exclusive choice is a love triangle. Far from distracting from the main plot, the love triangle is what elevates it, takes it beyond a war story where the only question is how the characters will survive, and makes it into a story that tells us how the characters are going to live.

[sweetchup]

A Helping Hand 4: Ghosts of Pasts // Day 1

Type: Shalnark x reader

Au?: Savior Au

Word Count: 2,800+

Warnings: Reminsing of last chapter, Injury, Meteor City mentioned

Author Note: Ah! I’m glad to be back writing this series sorry for the long wait. I split chapter 4 up into multiple parts so it’s going to be looooong.

Also, I’ve started a Taglist for all of my series to make it easier for people to find out when the next installation is. So if you want the be added just sent me an ask thats not anonymous and I’ll add you.

<—(Pt.3) / (Pt.4.2)—>

A Helping Hand Masterlist

It was the eve of December 18th, when snow finally fell throughout the Republic of Padokea. However, there was no celebration or cheer by the citizens as all of the festive winter holidays had already passed by then. With most just deciding to bunker in for a quiet night at home. Even at the Hospital near the bloodthirsty Heaven’s Arena it was rather quiet, almost dull in a way.

Though, one specific doctor, Doctor (y/n) of the intensive care unit, had little to complain about the lack of patients and activity. It was rather refreshing actually, mostly due to the fact it was your last night on the job before you went on your week long holiday break, a break you had planned out with your supervisor months ahead of time.

Months before you had met a specific man. Much more specifically, a specific patient named Shalnark Ryuseih. A member of the infamous Phantom troupe who you had saved from his demise at the Heaven’s Arena.

…. As well as someone you might have developed a really really big crush on during your time taking care of him. But, that’s a story for another day and something you shouldn’t be worrying about right now. Especially since you still have plenty of time left on the clock before you go home.

As the seconds click a way, you find yourself letting out a groan. It was no use. You couldn’t get him out of your mind.

You just wished that it was the usual thoughts of Shalnark that festered in your mind during work. The ones that were caused from something as simple as him holding you in his arms tighter than usual while he slept one night or perhaps a teasing comment he shot at you while passing in the hall.

But that sadly wasn’t the case.

For the last couple of weeks, Shalnark had been acting…… weird.

Well he technically always acted weird—a man who actually enjoyed indulging in birthday cake flavored ice cream could not be considered normal in your book— but this time, he was actually acting quite strange.

Sometimes, when doing check ups or just visiting his room you could hear him sigh. It was quite unnoticeable at first, you had just thought he was frustrated with some new tech thing he got into, but as December went on the sigh only got heavier and more frequent. This was also when some of Shalnark’s other actions started to be strange as well, something as simple as,“What are you doing for the Holidays?” Or, actually now that you think about it, anything that was remotely related to the holidays would have the corner of his lips drop slightly. Something very strange for him, for he hardly faltered that smile of his.

And it wasn’t as if you weren’t trying to find out what was wrong. You had asked him plenty of times about his new habits. Though, in a Shalnark fashioned way, he would just brush you off with a grin and be confused as to what you were talking about.

So, if Shalnark isn’t going to tell you himself what was wrong. You were just going to have to take it upon yourself to make him feel better. Emotional health is just as important as physical health in your book.

“For the last time (y/n), I hope you know what you are getting yourself into.” Mal reminds you for the 15th time since you entered her office space.

“Yes, yes. I understand, don't worry about it.” You reassure the older woman as you continue to fill in the blanks to finish up the paperwork. All the while attempting to ignore her as she nags your ear off. “Okay I’m done. Thanks by the way Mal, I really owe you one”

As Mal takes the paperwork from your hands, she gives you one last warning of caution,

“I know Shalnark is under your care and all, and you have gotten pretty close to him during his stay…. but don’t you think having him leave with you for vacation is a little much? It’s legal, for some odd reason, but you should be careful. Not only is he a grown man that could try anything while you are alone with him but if any of the higher ups hear about this, you could get in a lot of trouble.”

“True, but I doubt that,” You hum out as you fumble with grabbing your winter coat off the rack, “The higher ups don’t exactly care much about paperwork unless one of the secretaries, like yourself, reports something. So unless you choose to report me, I don’t have much to worry about.”

“Fine. Just…. be careful. I swear you have been getting more and more reckless the more you spend with that man.”

“I will. Don’t worry, Mal. See you in a week!!”

“Okay, see you in a week.” Mal responds back, her wave goodbye immediately faltering as you close the door. Taking a deep breath to calm down the uneasy feeling in her gut, She just hoped you knew what you were doing.

Once Mal sends you off, you make your way in the direction of Shalnark’s room. You are excited to tell him about your little surprise but also quite scared because you did not exactly ask him… permission…. to sign him out.

“Come in.” Shalnark's voice rings out from behind the door as you knock. Coming into the room, you see that, as per normal, Shalnark was clicking away at his laptop. He seemed busy with something since even when you took the seat at his bedside he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the screen.

After a couple more minutes of listening to the clicking of keys, Shalnark finally closes his laptop and turns his attention to you.

“Hello (y/n)! What brings you in here today?” He asks, resting his chin on one of his hands as he observes you. As Shalnark scans you up and down you can’t help but notice the mischievous look in those blue eyes of his. You kind of wondered what he was thinking, or possibly planning, but then again— knowing Shalnark —you didn’t want to know what was running through that brain of his.

“Can’t I just visit you?”

“I guess you could.” Shalnark comments halfheartedly as if you don’t already visit him for fun on the daily already, “I’m just surprised you haven’t gone home for your vacation. It’s your last shift tonight, right?”

Shalnark might have asked the last part as a question, but you already knew— from tons of experience with dealing with him —that he already formed his own answer in his head.

“Missed me that much huh?...” Shalnark whispers out, his eyes seeming to sparkle under the light as he leans back against the headboard of his bed.

“S-shut up.” You grumble out. Swiftly putting the paperwork in your hand up to your face as you could already feel your cheeks begin to flare up from flusteration. You swore this man had no sense of fear or dignity.

“Hmm?” You feel Shalnark grab at the paperwork wrinkled in your hand; recognizing his photo ID on the cover. “What’s this?”

“Paperwork.”

“What type of Paperwork?” Shalnark presses forward, already taking it from your hand to examine it. No matter how close you two have gotten during his stay, he has always been extremely thorough about looking at what you put down on his paperwork. Must be something he picked up while being in the troupe you guessed.

Suddenly, you see Shalnark’s gaze pause on a section of the paperwork. His body unintentionally freezing up in surprise as he rereads it again. However, instead of instantly asking or explaining his confusion, your eyes are trained to his lips, ever so slightly parted due to confusion.

Unconsciously, you run your fingers over your neck. Your mind flashing back to what happened when Shalnark was under the effect of the aphrodisiac drug. The tingly feeling of his lips raking up and down your neck. Kissing, sucking and biting at any possible skin he could—

“(Y/n), What is this?” He mumbles out, his eyes still trained to the paperwork.

“U-uh Well…” You pause for a second as you try to calm yourself down from your thoughts, thinking about what you should exactly say, “Recently, I’ve noticed you being quite down. Kind of depressed or miserable in a way—”

“Huh? I haven’t been depressed.” Shalnark exclaims, snapping out of the trance he was in as well as cutting off what you were saying.

“Let me finish idiot.” You grumble at Shalnark, flicking his forehead in anger. “Also even if you aren’t depressed—“

“Which I’m not.”

“...Do you want to get punched this time?” You threatened, watching as Shalnark suddenly broke out in a cold sweat. Memories flashing in his head of Lara pissing you off and facing your unwavering wrath. After one last glare, you continued what you were explaining, “As I was saying, Even if you aren’t depressed, it would be good for you to get out of the hospital. Hence why I decided to sign you out for my vacation week.”

It’s silent in the room as Shalnark just stares at you; an unreadable expression on his face. However, before you can figure out what expression it was, he quickly snaps out of it.

“Oh nice. That’s actually awesome.” Shalnark announces out, letting out a small giggle. ��Just one question though… Is this even legal?”

“In a way…” You squeak out, watching as Shalnark looks at you with a knowing smile. Clearly understanding that you were pressing the line of legality and a possible felony in this situation.

“Well,” You watch as Shalnark shuffles out of bed; Planting his feet in front of yours before sending you a subtle wink, “Let’s get out of here before we get caught, okay?”

—.—.—.—.—.—

“So,” Shalnark starts, looking at the small white townhouse in front of him, “This is your house?”

“Um. Yeah?” You answer questioningly as you fiddle with your keys, “What about it?”

“Oh nothing.” You watch as Shalnark squats down in front of the garden gnome next to your tomato plant. Seeming to take in the plethora of plants covering your front patio. “It’s cute. I like it.”

“Thanks.” You mumble out bashfully as you unlock the front door, “I only rent the bottom floor of this place so it's quite small. But it's home.”

Before you enter, You offer a hand to help Shalnark up (He still has quite the injury in his legs after all) and watch as he walks inside your house; a limp still ever present as he walks. You just hope that he doesn’t push himself too far while with you. He might be a nen user but—

“Oh wow!” Shalnark’s voice calls out from inside the house, breaking your train of thoughts as you shut and lock the door. Confused yet curious at what he found interesting in your house, you slipped off your shoes—taking a small mental note that you should tell Shalnark to take off his as he forgot to— and walked over to his location. As you round the corner of the hall and gaze into your living room, you can’t help but let out a huff of a laugh. You can’t believe you totally forgot about Chloe.

There she stood, your 8 year old Sphynx cat that a college roommate had given you years ago, curled up in a fluffy blanket on top of her cat tree. Shalnark stood in front of the tree, looking up at the cat with an amused look as it glared down at him.

“Chloe.” You call out to your cat as you make your way next to Shalnark, “Come here baby.”

As you lift the cat off the tower, still wrapped in a blanket, and cradle her in your arms, you feel your breath hitch for a second. You turn your head as you feel a sudden pressure on your back and see Shalnark leaning over your shoulder. You stood there frozen and flustered, unable to move or look away from his face, from how close he was to you. However, Shalnark doesn’t notice how flustered you are; his attention focused on the cat in your arms. Eventually, he brings his hand down to pet her. Watching curiously as she sniffs his hand for a second before allowing him to touch her.

“They truly don’t have any fur…” Shalnark muses out as he rubs at Chloe’s ears, causing you to smile as you feel the rumbling of her purrs against your chest. “Hey (y/n)... did you know these guys are actually from Meteor city?”

“Wait… Really?” You shout out surprised, finally snapping out of the trance you were in.

“Yep!” Shalnark states rather proudly, “They were caused by accidental breeding by abandoned cats in the junkyards. …Though, the ones from Meteor city are quite rabid and terrifying so you can’t pet them like this. They would surely kill you.”

Startled, you give Shalnark a confused look, “No way…You're joking…”

“Nope.” He responds, popping the ‘p’ at the end as he walks away from you two and takes a seat on the couch. Your back suddenly feeling quite cold now that he was no longer next to you. “Even our toughest members like Phinks and Feitan were scared of those things.”

“Oh wow…“ You mumble out in amazement, placing Chloe back at the top level of the cat tree before taking a seat next to Shalnark. “...Meteor City sure sounds scary.”

“Eh, in a way.” Shalnark sighs out, stretching his back before suddenly resting his head on your lap. Startled at the act of affection, you freeze and stare down at him. Your mouth agape in shock. What… What was he doing?

“Oh.” Shalnark murmurs out as he takes note of your expression, already beginning to sit up, “Sorry, I stepped over a line didn’t I—”

“Ah! No!” You shout out, startling the both of you at how loud you were, “I mean… uh. I don’t mind, it just surprised me that’s all.”

“Oh. Okay?” Shalnark says, raising an eyebrow at you. As he sees your still worried expression looking down at him as he lays back down, he decides to flick at your forehead, surprising you. You two stare at each other for a couple of seconds before breaking out into light laughter at your stupid expression.

“W-what was that huh?”

As your laughter eventually stops, leaving you two in a comfortable silence, you stare down at Shalnark; his arms lazily crossed above his head with his eyes shut.

“You know…” You start, a stifle of a giggle sneaking up as a funny thought crosses your mind, “...You remind me of a cat right now.”

“Oh really?” Shalnark huffs out amused, popping one of his eyes open to gaze up at you.

“Yeah. All elongated on the couch, looking like you're about to fall fast asleep… Just like a little kitty cat.” You cooed out at him, taking two strands on the opposite sides of his head to form cat ears.

Shalnark sputters out a laugh before sending you a wink, “Go on. Give me a pet, Doc.”

You feel yourself freeze up as everything that has happened in these last couple of minutes hits you like a truck. Shit… You're his doctor, you idiot. This was what Mal was talking about about you getting too close with him. You have feeling for him but you can’t—

“Hey (y/n). You know…” Shalnark murmurs out, snapping you out of your thought, “One day…, I would like to take you to Meteor City.”

“R-really?” You answered, confused as where this was suddenly coming from.

“Yeah…” You watch as Shalnark eyes shift up towards the ceiling. His eyes unfocused and expression dazed as if he was off in a distant memory, “Not right now… But, In the spring…”

A smile slowly edges its way onto his face.

“Yeah… The spring,” He murmurs out again, sort of to himself, before looking at you, “You wouldn’t believe what it is like in Meteor City at the start of spring, (Y/n)... After a long hard rainy winter, seeds from rotten food, or hidden in garbage, come blooming out. It hardly lasts a month but… It’s gorgeous….”

As he stares up at you with those dazzling blue eyes of his, you can’t help but finally allow your hand to rest in his blonde locks. Wanting to understand more about that far off memory he had.

“I-I…” You murmur out, pausing as a small smile comes upon your face, “I can’t wait… Shal. Do�� Do you think you could tell me more about your home while I wait?”

Just…

Just one more time, you’ll let your affections slide.

Allowing yourself to blur the lines of professionalism and wanting more.

Taglist: @meromelodi, @quartetstarheaven, @yumezai, @lvndrhwis, @writtenappreciation , @jojo-sinner, @pastelbear12, @aly-kurta, @bbunnycore, @feifood

[weepinglevi]

whos your favorite fic writer/moots and why? Got any recommendations?

first off: pls know that if you're not listed here it doesn't mean i don't like you or your work, it simply means that i have a pea sized brain. love all of u. keep on writing. i really don't want anyone to feel bad (ask nia, i've been crying to her about it).

secondly: i'm not referring to them as my "favourite" cos i can't pick favourites, never really could. maybe that's why i'm simping for so many aot men at once ahaha.

and last but not least: this is going to be a long post so i'mma do all of us the favour and put it under the cut. i feel very soft today and have been listening to the titanic soundtrack for the better half of my day. bear with me, i'mma shower you with love. go check them out!

CHECK THE DNI TAGS ON THESE BLOGS BEFORE READING OR FOLLOWING, PLEASE!

this is in no particular order.

@kojinnie: my queen of angst. the other half of the princess-duo (i came to the conclusion that we're both princesses, we deserve to hang around in pretty dresses and have the time of our lives). especially dream me home still haunts my dreams. i love how you captured the pain and fear both of them feel. and i kind of view it as the start of our friendship, what with both of us writing about the mission to retake wall maria and you jumping into my dms after the fact. love you, kojin, and i only wish you the best.

@starrynightlys: shield-maiden claire. beautiful, talented, funny claire. i love you and i am so happy to have found you here, i really am. i know i've told you this multiple times but whenever i see you on my dash - either fighting off the floch anon or you posting memes, there's a big fat grin on my face. apart from your absolutely mesmerising presence, there's also one work in particular i always come back to: the beginning of forever. you are my source of happy levi content. when the world turns dark and i want him to be happy, i turn to this fic and to your blog in general. love you and i am dreaming of us listening to some good music in a park sometime soon!

@snkslush: luv! my first tumblr wife! this alone has gotten you a very special place in my heart ahah. i love the energy you have - whenever i see you on my dash i feel happy and it's because of how you interact with others. it's like i've known you since forever because of how easily i can talk to you. and reading your filthy thoughts about connie has set off my connie brainrot more than once ahaha.

your headcanons on how the aot boys react when their s/o tells them they want to be railed and also the follow-up still has me drooling. fucking love them. so accurate as well and i'm a slut for everyone ahha

@aotwrites: my lil sunflower. lil sis, you have no idea how happy you truly make me. i love the lil talks we have and i still remember the message you sent me when you were half-asleep, i always giggle when reading it ahah. just know that if you ever want, you can come up to me and ask me weird stuff lil sisters normally ask their bigger sisters. not that i have any good advice to give, but i have a lot of reaction pics to send!

it's very hard for me to pick out one of your fics to recommend - like i said, i have a problem with choosing favourites. but if i absolutely had to, it'd be all of the stars. cried my way through it. will cry again when i reread it. i cry a lot in general.

@arumiee: mars, i know we haven't talked much but our conversation about nurse!armin yesterday is still running around in my head. i can't wait to read about either armin or eren in scrubs, istg. you're so kind and happy-go-lucky, i usually feel nervous when tagging someone on a post but with you yesterday? no problem at all. you give me a sense of safety ahaha (pls don't think i'm weird, i'm actually not. or, yes, i am but in a good way). your purify me had me wanting to take a bath in holy water after reading it. preferably a bath with eren. i guess we're both headed to hell ahaha

@odmlevis: rizrizrizrizriz. i'm laughing right now because all i think of is our last conversation and it's hard to gather my thoughts whenever my mind goes to eren and reiner. or eren and jean - or jean and connie ahaha. i'll have all of them with me in the middle, pretty please.

but back to topic: your the most hurtful things they'd say to you still has my heart breaking. absolutely broken into pieces. because somehow you managed to put all of my worst fears into it. i don't know why i reread it on the regular (i do know, i'm a sucker for pain). other than that, i'm always so happy when i read your messages and when i see you out and about, making others happy with your lil "someone told me to tell you something"-thing you do so often. you're so precious, lemme smooch you.

@onyxoverride: onyx istg your blog is the place i go to if i am down bad. down bad bad. i know we rarely talk and me saying your blog is the place i take my horniness to might come off as weird but it's the truth. i even have problems with picking a favourite because goddamn they're all so good?? what is your secret? if there's a reason for me to go to hell (other than mars' purify me) it's gonna be because of ocean spit. do i have to elaborate further? eren's titan form is fucking hot and thank you for this delicious meal ahha. i am getting all flustered rn just by looking at the lil pic on top of your fic. i will see myself out now. love u onyx you are cool as hell (and i'm nervous as fuck - you're sitting at the cool kids' table in my head ahah - that's why i am so silent around u)

@1252291: and now to you. connie 2 my sasha. erwin smiths ball whore. twIN FLAME, LIGHT OF MY LIFE. buckle up cos we're in for a wild ride. i was debating whether or not to post every of your fics here, because i love all of them so much. i came up with a better idea tho: here's your masterlist. i will talk about two of your works in particular later on, but first you're gonna have to endure me violently showering you with kisses and love.

i haven't told you this before (shocking, i know) but ever since we started talking, i feel like i have a real-life friend again. i haven't had friends in a while and i am so fucking thankful to have you. i really am. i even told my therapist about you because he asked why i am so happy all of a sudden? newsflash: it's because of you.

usually, it was insomnia keeping me up at night but now it's because i am talking to you. and you have no idea how fucking great it feels to wake up in the morning and feel tired; not because some shitty thoughts kept me awake but because i was talking to a friend. i will forever love you for this. you've been there when i was at one of the darkest and loneliest stages of my life and lit up the fucking room with your personality and humour. thank you for being my light. for giving me the same feeling i have when rewatching lord of the rings. for being you. i will stop now but you know i will keep on loving you on main until i take my last breath.

now to your works. falling in love and stay forever. i think you already knew that these are the ones i hold dearest. i still think about felix and rue. i love felix and rue and my heart hurts when thinking of them. your way with words has characters coming to life and touching your heart in a way i've never experienced before. like i said, it felt like those are my friend who died. my fingers running through levi's hair, trying to make his endless pain go away. i am crying again. thank you for creating this. if you ever find the books you've written (or write a new one) i will buy a copy. or ten. have to have some to give away so i can promote your work.

i love u connie 2 my sasha. i really do.

[bookstantrash]

A/N: I can’t believe I’m staying true to my word and posting it before the year is over. My self imposed deadline was met, yey me!!

A little heads up for those who read my stuff: January will be a tricky month for me — I still have one exam left — so I don’t know if I’ll be able to post. Then there’s the acosf release, and I plan to avoid being in social media (aka tumblr, twitter) until I’ve read it at least two times lol. I’ll try to write in any spare time that I have, but I’m sorry in advance.

Now, let’s end 2020 with style!! I hope you enjoy the new chapter and wish y’all a good 2021 💜

In which she makes a friend, Part Five

Nesta woke up to soft knocking on her door.

She groaned in her pillow, wanting nothing more than to go back sleep. She was not used to waking up so early — the sun had barely risen on the sky — and she’d had a poor night of sleep, her latest nightmare still too vivid in her mind.

Nesta had a lot of those. Nightmares. Before, it was of Mandray. Of being beneath him again. Of not being able to scape. After being kidnapped by Hybern, they were about Elain. Of failing time and time again to avoid her sister being thrown into that blasted Cauldron.

Once the war had come and gone, it got worse. She’d dream of Elain in that camp, chained near the Cauldron. Would dream of Feyre failing to rescue their sister. Would dream of both of them dying while Nesta was unable to protect them. Another failure that’d hunt her through all of her miserable immortal life.

And she’d dream of him. Of his wings being broken and his screams piercing her ears, her soul. Of Hybern killing him in front of her eyes while she was held down by the evil king’s power. And once she got free, once she blasted that bastard to nothingness, she’d find herself in world without him. A world where she lived with a big nothing inside her.

Last night, however, had been different. She had been dreaming of failing Elain and Feyre again when suddenly she heard a voice. His voice, talking in that melodic and enthralling language, his voice a soft caress that eased her troubles. But as soon as she felt herself calming down, Nesta felt him go away. And so she desperately asked for him to stay with her. At least in her dreams she’d be less proud and afraid to say what she wished to. What she wished she had said to him two months ago.

Don’t go. Stay.

And in her dream he stayed. It had been so realistic that Nesta swore she could still feel his warm calloused hand against her skin, smell his scent, his voice a lover’s caress in her ears and—

She got up from the bed quickly, shaking her head. No good would come from going down that path. She willed her heart to behave and stay quiet in the cage she had locked it into. Wall after wall being risen, being toughened. Sometimes, feeling nothing was better then feeling too much or even anything at all.

Nesta heard knocking again, and quickly discarded her nightgown for the Illyrian leathers. She had struck a promise to train with Kaelin before the girl’s morning training and Nesta hated to be late.

“I’m awake, you don’t have to tear down the door Kaelin” Nesta said, opening her door and almost hitting her face in a leather clad chest.

Cassian was the one knocking on her door.

“What are you doing here?” she asked through clenched teeth.

“Good morning to you too sweetheart” he gave her a teasing grin “Last that I checked, I live here”

“One would wonder if that is true, given your long absence” she replied, knowing she had hit her mark when she saw a muscle twitching on his jaw “Where’s Kaelin?”

“Training has been rescheduled. The younglings start earlier now so those preparing for the Blood Rite can have more time on the training areas” Cassian managed to say.

“I see” Nesta was thinking about going back to sleep when the male in front of her interrupted her thoughts.

“Would you care to have breakfast with me?”

She opened her mouth to dismiss him when she caught the look on his eyes. Not angry anymore at her earlier jab, but anxious. She had never seen Cassian so unsure before, so difficult to read. It was as if his feelings were all over the place.

“It wouldn’t hurt to eat with him” she thought, recalling her dream.

“You are cooking” Nesta declared, moving past him to the kitchen.

“As you wish, your Highness” he did a mocking bow and followed her.

Nesta eyed the tall male in front of her. He cooked with expertise and seemed completely comfortable in the ambient, humming while he mixed some eggs in the frying pan.

He was so... domestic. Nesta almost smiled imagining him with a silly apron, an image so at odds with his usual scary General appearance.

“I talked with Kaelin yesterday” Cassian said after some time.

“And?” Nesta asked, raising an eyebrow

“He’s been training with you. And I was wondering....” he placed the food in front of her, clearing his throat “I was wondering if I could train you. Both of you. Kaelin is not so advanced with his training and there’s also the matter of—”

“The matter of what” she snapped

“Your powers” he fidgeted with a knife, twirling it on his hand, not scared to cut off a finger by accident “I don’t know where you were with Amren in regards to them, but it’s also important to have them in sync with any self defence moves you can learn”

“My powers are none of your concern”

It was a lie. Her classes with Amren had just grazed the surface of what she knew she could do. But she was scared of them. Of what she could do. Her powers were a wild beast that was she forced to live with, a constant reminder of the life she lost.

She hated it.

However, Cassian was right. If she truly wanted to be capable of defending herself — of defending Kaelin were her secret to be discovered — she’d have to accept his help.

“We can train after breakfast” she nonchalantly said, stabbing a piece of the scrambled eggs on her plate “I’m already changed either way”

“Brilliant” Cassian smiled, his whole face seeming to lighten up like the sky after a storm “Prepare yourself to be challenged sweetheart. I’m not one to go easy on my students”

~•~

Cassian did not lie. He didn’t go easy on her. Her whole body ached and she almost regretted her choice to not stay in the cabin, rereading one of her books.

But she had places to go.

“You’re late”

“I’m not late Esmée” Nesta stated, grabbing an apron by the tent’ side and moving to one of the tables “I’m exactly on time”

“You’re thirty seconds late. That’s enough to lose the boiling point for a healing potion and make it a poison instead” Esmée, the chief healer of Windhaven huffed “If I say you’re late then you’re late.”

Nesta only dipped her head and started to work. Esmée might come out as a grump and mean female, but she was only serious about her work, a work which left her with no time for idle talk or sugarcoated pleasantries.

Nesta liked her just fine.

Kaelin had been the one to present her to the healers. Once her period was over and it was safe for her to leave the cabin without someone noticing the change in her scent, Kaelin had taken Nesta in a tour through Windhaven. Nesta did not know anything else except the area around Cassian’s cabin, which included a solitary trail to the forest and the outskirts of the village.

Kaelin appeared to know everyone they passed by. The younglings — who were yet too young to train — happily waved at her when they passed, as did some females who were working. On the other hand, it was different with the males. They eyed Kaelin with distaste and something akin to betrayal in their eyes. Nesta had yet to ask Kaelin why. Was it because she was walking with Nesta, an outsider who not only was High Fae but also the sister in law of their High Lord? She had tucked the information inside herself, analysing everything and everyone they met.

And it was when they were nearing the end of the tour that they had come upon the healers tent. Nesta recalled helping them in the war, bringing buckets of water, doing bandages for the wounded and holding the most serious ones down while they were patched up. She had felt like she had a purpose back then. Like she was not a burden.

She tried not think how it also helped her take her mind off the fearless Illyrian who leaded the troops, leaving only dead bodies with whoever met his blade.

Esmée had remembered her, as did some of the other females that worked alongside her. They had not eyed Nesta with pity or distaste, something she was used to in Velaris. No, they simply gave her a nod of recognition and went back to work, mixing herbs, cutting straps of bandages and tending to patients.

“Are you going to help or will you stay all day there?” Esmée had snapped “If you want to, grab an apron and come here. We need more jambu to be ground so that fella over there can stop whining”

Kaelin had come still beside Nesta, fearing she had been insulted by the healers harsh words. But she simply grabbed an apron and rolled her dress’ sleeves.

“Which one is jambu?”

And from that day onwards Nesta began to help the healers in any way she could, going after her training with Kaelin in the morning and coming back in the late afternoon. Kaelin always walked her back, stopping at the tent after her training.

“It’s not safe for females to wander alone” the young girl had informed Nesta “Specially when it starts to get dark”

Nesta knew better than to dismiss Kaelin’s words. She knew what males were capable of doing to those they thought inferior to them.

“Charming as ever, don’t you agree?” Jacira said, appearing beside Nesta.

“Lovely” she mumbled back, the corners of her lips almost raising in a smile.

Jacira was one of the least shy healers around Nesta. She had beautiful dark green eyes, which contrasted with her dark raven hair and dark brown skin. She also had a very sharp and curious mind, and was teaching Nesta all she knew about what being a healer was like.

Nesta liked to think she had found another friend in Jacira.

“I see the General has come back”

“Really? I didn’t notice” Nesta replied, busying herself with her task.

“He had been gone longer than usual this time for the inspection” Jacira whispered “Word says it’s because some serious trouble has risen in other camps, specially Ironcrest”

Jacira was also a shameless gossiper. In the two weeks Nesta had started to work with her, she knew practically everything about anyone that lived in Windhaven. She said to herself that no harm would come to listen to Jacira’s blabbering. She was simply gathering information as to not stay in the dark.

It was not gossip. It was only intelligence material about the Illyrians in Windhaven.

“Trouble? What kind of trouble?” Cassian had not spoken a word about it with her.

“I don’t know. I only know that the camp lords are whispering between them, and seem to be anxious about the Blood Rite.” she got closer to Nesta “In my opinion, they want it to arrive fast so any feuds can be resolved there”

For the Blood Rite was not only the chance for the Illyrians to prove their worth as a warrior, but a bloodbath. An event that allowed matters to be resolved without the laws of the war camps binding them.

“More work and less talk ladies” Esmée hissed at them “Those tonics won’t be done by themselves”

“Yes, m’am” Jacira replied, batting her eyelashes innocently, making Nesta snort. That girl had no fear of danger.

They kept to their work, Jacira talking when she thought Esmée was not looking, Nesta saying something now and then. The time she spent among the healers was precious to her. It brought a sense of normality back to her life. Even the wild beast inside her gave her a time out, seeming to purr whenever she dedicated herself to chopping herbs and making tonics or healing potions, the scent of all the ingredients calming her.

But the thought that something was amiss among the Illyrians bothered her. It was something that stayed on her mind all day.

Nesta was quieter than usual at dinner — she caught Cassian glancing worriedly at her when he thought she was not looking — the gears inside her head turning and going through every possible outcome.

She went to sleep still thinking about it, and came to a conclusion.

Something bad was coming.

And she would get Cassian to tell her whatever it was.

•

Tags: @sayosdreams @thewayshedreamed @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @arin1030 @caotica-e-quieta @vidalinav @swankii-art-teacher @ireallyshouldsleeprn @duskandstarlight @greerlunna @thegoddessaltenia @dayanna-hatter @verypaleninja @awesomelena555 @courtofjurdan @allilal @sensitiveillyrian @moe8 @illyrianwitchling13

{Please let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list}

[eyeofthedrgn]

A Heavy Battle Symphony Chapter 12

Trigger Warning: language, mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, violence, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self harm, self-esteem issues, sexual abuse (only alluded to briefly in future chapters), drinking (comes up late in the story) just a lot of trauma, angst, smut

Word Count: 2265

Notes: More smut! Enjoy! :)

Chapter 12 - Somewhere I Belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

The holidays came and went, Rowan was back at University. His Solstice gift from Rowan was on his nightstand. It was a photo Elide had taken of them last September before leaving for Uni. They were hugging in the front yard, Lorcan's face buried in silver hair. He stared at it every night before he fell asleep.

After two weeks of having Rowan home and being more physical with each other, it had been a hard transition when he left again. He had grown accustomed to Rowan’s bed and Rowan’s arm draped over him every night after finding sweet release with each other. Lorcan had taken to using his hand and thinking of the man he loved. It was never as good, but at least it helped him sleep.

There were fewer nightmares too. Which meant he was less exhausted and he was starting to get restless.

After throwing on some sweats and a fleece lined hoodie, he went downstairs to ask Barb if there was something he could do. He couldn't find her. It was Saturday, baking day, so he was expecting her to be in the kitchen. Luckily for him, there were some fresh goodies made, he snatched a freshly made pastry from the counter, popped it in his mouth, then promptly grabbed two more. They were delectable.

He looked out the window over the kitchen sink at the backyard and saw a fresh coat of snow on the ground as well as a fresh set of footprints. Time to investigate. He slipped on his boots and followed the trail as he finished the pastries. It ended at what he thought was just a boring old tool shed, but he was only partially correct. It was old and had tools, but it wasn't boring or a shed. It was a shop.

As soon as he saw the tools lining the walls and the gorgeous work table in the center, he was in awe. His jaw slackened and his eyes darted everywhere. Looking around, he felt his fingers twitch like they needed to use the tools around him, like he belonged here.

Barb was sitting on a stool at the work table, crying. She looked up.

Lorcan gave her an apologetic look, he hadn't meant to intrude. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just.. I'll go." He started to turn when Barb stopped him.

"Don't go. I just come out here sometimes when I miss Ellys. This was his shop.” She wiped the tears off her cheeks. "He did woodworking in his spare time." She looked around fondly and ran her hand over the well loved work table. Lorcan didn’t really know anything about Rowan’s dad, he never talked about him. He wasn’t even sure how long he had been dead.

"I keep thinking I should sell it all, but I can't, so it just sits here and collects dust."

Unsure of what to say, Lorcan looked around at all of the hand tools around the shop again. He walked over to the wall and touched one of the tools.

"Those are wood planes." Lorcan turned to look at her with a question in his eye. "You are more than welcome to come out here and learn to use these tools. Gods know Rowan won't," she chuckled. The corner of his mouth turned up. They both knew Rowan didn't like to get his hands dirty.

He was definitely intrigued by this new discovery.

"I can tell you're interested. There are countless videos online to help you learn and there are a few books inside that could help as well."

"You wouldn't mind if I tried?" Curiosity was getting the better of him. "If I used your husband's tools?" He was surprised that she would let him touch such precious items.

"Oh, honey. I would love it if they were used again." She gave his shoulder a squeeze and went back into the house.

Lorcan slowly worked his way around the shop, looking at everything. There were so many different tools. Mostly hand tools, only a couple power tools. There was a half finished project on one of the benches. It looked like it was going to be a decorative box. He ran his hand over the wood, a layer of dust coming up on his hand. It still needed sanding, but it looked like all the parts had been cut and ready to be assembled. Mr. Whitethorn just never got the chance to finish it.

Looking at the direction of the house where Barb now was, he had an idea. He would finish that box for her after he deemed himself good enough. She deserved to have this piece of her husband and she did so much for Lorcan, it seemed like the least he could do.

It felt nice to have a goal. That evening after dinner, he pulled the woodworking books from the shelf and read, curled up on the couch next to Barb while she watched her shows and knitted.

++++

Rowan was sitting on the couch in the apartment with Aelin and Elide. They were sprawled all over each other, they hadn't really been able to catch up since classes started up again.

Elide brought up Lorcan. Rowan hadn't talked about him much. Not because he didn't want to, but everything they were and everything they did was new. To both of them. Rowan almost felt like he wanted to keep it all for himself. Sure Rowan had had a couple boyfriend's before that he never shut up about, but they never meant anything and it felt fine gossiping about their sloppy kissing or weird habits. But Lorcan was completely different, it felt like they were made for each other and he almost wanted it to just be a secret.

"So how's Lorcan doing? We didn't get to see him over Solstice break."

He chewed on his bottom lip, deciding how much he wanted to divulge. "He's doing a lot better. I really think therapy is helping him." Rowan leaned his head back on the cushions.

"Any progress in the touching department?" They knew he had issues with being physical because of his past, being abused does that to a person.

"Oooh, we need all the details!" Aelin chimed in. Even if she did have mixed feelings about Lorcan, she always wanted juicy details.

Rowan rolled his eyes and tried to hold his smile back, "Things are improving. Faster than I thought they would." Trying to be vague, assuming Lorcan would not appreciate this conversation. No, he definitely wouldn’t.

Both girls' eyebrows shot up. "Do tell."

Rowan fiddled with the edge of the blanket as he spoke, "We've made out now. A lot." He really didn't want to get into more with them, those details were precious to him. He thought back to how it felt having Lorcan under him, the sexy as fuck look of ecstacy on his face every time he came.

"That's not all, is there?" Aelin wriggled her eyebrows. His thoughts snapping back to the conversation at hand.

"No, but I don't feel like telling you." He untangled himself from the girls and sat on the edge of the couch.

"Oh, come on! Please!" Aelin fell off the couch just to get on her knees in front of him to beg.

"We won't tell or make fun of him, you know that,” Elide reminded him.

Rowan sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Giving in he sighed, "Fine, but be nice." He leveled a glare at them. Not entirely sure he should be telling them.

"Of course."

"We had.. fun." they both squealed. "It was basically just a lot of dry humping. Really fun dry humping," he quietly said matter-of-factly, trying not to make a big thing out of it, even though it was definitely a big thing.

"You say that like this isn't a big deal. I think this is great! The fact that Lorcan has come so far and that he feels comfortable enough with you to feel so vulnerable is wonderful." Elide had turned to face Rowan and was trying not to cry. She had always had this odd connection with his boyfriend, even though they didn’t really talk, that he would probably never understand.

Rowan put his hands over his face, he shouldn't say this, but he couldn't help himself now that he had started divulging his new found sex life. His voice was muffled, "He almost passed out the first time."

Aelin yowled and collapsed on the floor, giggling. "Oh my gods, if he were anyone else, I would pick on him so hard!" Rowan glared at her. A short pause after she picked apart his words, "First time!? It happened more than once!?" Both girls squealed.

"Don't even-"

"I won't! Don't think so little of me!"

Ding

Rowan pulled out his phone. "Speaking of Lorcan."

They girls oohed.

Lor: I miss you.

He smiled at his phone as he replied.

Rowan: I miss you, too, love.

Rowan set his phone down.

Aelin and Elide had started talking about Lysandra and Manon. They could never be silent.

Ding

Lor: I wish you were here in bed with me. Your bed is so much more comfortable than mine.

Rowan: That sounds so much better than listening to Aelin and Elide gossip. Also, I love that you're in my bed. I wish I were there.

Lor: I wish you were on top of me.

Rowan: Oh, love. I would love to make you writhe under me. But maybe you could touch yourself and think of me?

Lor: I am.

Oh, Gods. Lorcan was touching himself in Rowan’s bed. He sucked in a breath, eyes wide as he read and reread the last couple of texts. The girls looked at him, eyebrows raised. Suddenly his loose pajama pants weren’t feeling so loose anymore.

"What?" Aelin asked with a cocky grin.

"I, uh, I-" Rowan got up and stumbled past the couch.

"Have fun with the sexting!" Aelin hollered.

Rowan closed his door and laid on his bed.

Rowan: You are? Gods I wish I could watch.

A minute passed. Shit. Was that too forward?

The typing bubble appeared.

Lor: Over spring break, I want you to touch me.

Rowan: Oh fuck babe. I would love to. I'm getting hard just thinking of it.

Lor: Touch yourself with me.

Rowan groaned as he slid hand into his sweats and gripped his already hardening, velvety cock and pulled hard. Gods, he was so turned on right now. His lover was in his bed at home, touching himself. Fuck, why did he have to be four hours away?

Rowan: Your wish is my command, my love.

Lor: I love you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.

Rowan: Me either. Fuck, I want you.

Rowan had never sexted before and he would be damned if it wasn’t sexy as fuck, even if typing was a bit more difficult with one hand. He hoped Lorcan was butt ass naked in his sheets. The buzz of his phone pulled him from his thoughts.

Lor: I'm close, love. I can't stop thinking about you riding my leg.

Fuck.

Rowan: That's all I want to do right now. I want to press my hard cock against you. Feel you against my leg. I want to hear you say my name.

His phone buzzed and Lorcan's photo popped up on the screen. He answered. Was this really happening? Damn, he was fucking turned on.

"Rowan." Lorcan's voice was breathy.

Rowan cursed. "Oh gods, Lor. I want to touch you so bad." Lorcan moaned. "I want to hear you come, baby." He had learned over Solstice that pet names really seemed to do it for his boyfriend.

"Rowan." He groaned. Oh how he loved how his name rolled off his lover's tongue.

"Come for me, sweetheart."

He heard Lorcan's breathing catch and whimpers leave his lips. "Ro."

"You're so sexy, love." He added a slight twist to his ministrations. "Oh, fuck."

"Your turn. I want to hear you." Lorcan was breathing hard.

Fucking gods above.

"Lor, fuck." Rowan started stroking himself harder and faster. He moaned.

"Come for me, Rowan. Come for me."

Rowan grunted and groaned, "Lorcan, oh fuck. I'm coming, Lor and it's all for you." He milked his release as he moaned.

His breath caught as he heard Lorcan say, "I love you."

After catching his breath, he returned the sentiment, "I love you, Lorcan. More than anything."

A soft hum sounded in his ear, followed by a comfortable silence.

Then, he heard over the phone, "You're so sexy."

Rowan chuckled, "You're the one who called so I could hear you orgasm."

Lorcan laughed. Rowan's heart ached to hear more of that sound. "Gods, I love you, Lor."

"I love you, too." Rowan could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm gonna go to sleep now."

"I'll join you. Sleep well, my love."

"You too."

"Goodnight."

"Night. I love you."

"I love you." That was always the last thing they said. They never said bye. His phone lit up when the call ended. He stared at the picture on his lock screen until he fell asleep which didn't take long.

The picture was of Lorcan sleeping, curled up in his arms. He snuck the photo one morning during Solstice break and immediately made it his lock screen.

____

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

@thenerdandfandoms @starlightorstarfire @tanvee1231

[connordavidscamera]

Living, Learning, and Fliming Ch. 8 | Connor Brashier

A/n: Thank you Miss Alessia Cara for writing the song that inspired this chapter. 

Summary: it’s a date... but with the wrong person?

Warnings: shit writing, what else is new?

Word count: 1.6k

***

Week 8

“I’m going to make you fall in love with me, pretty girl.” Connor says matter of factly. 

I laugh, writing down my final sentence. “You’ve got some nerve, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“You really think it’s that easy to get me to fall in love with you? You think it’s that easy to get me to fall in love at all?” I question, crossing my arms over my chest. 

How dare he do that? Just march right in and say things like that to me.

“I don’t fall easily.”

“I know you said you haven’t had a boyfriend. But have you ever fallen for someone?”

“I told you that too.”

“Okay… then have you ever had your heart broken?”

I bite the inside of my lip, “And you want to know this because?”

“I’m just curious,” he shrugs. “You don’t have to tell me, I was just wondering.”

“I have,” I say after a few minutes. “Had my heart broken.” 

“Can I ask what happened?”

“I was talking to a guy for a while and it seemed like we were on the verge of becoming more. But then he… he said some things and it just didn’t end well. But yeah, I just decided that I didn’t want to get hurt anymore, so I haven’t really been looking for love or anything.”

“And you don’t think I can convince you? Can’t trick you? Push you?”

I smile softly, “I don’t know, bub. But if you do somehow trick me into falling for you, you’ll have to be cautious. Because you know I don’t give myself often.”

“Hmm… Well, let’s try today?”

“Y/n? You okay?” Shawn asks, tapping the table between us. 

“What? Sorry. I - I just got lost in thought.”

“Yeah, I figured,” he laughs lightly. “So, what music do you listen to?”

I smirk, “What music do I listen to? Or are you wanting to know if I listen to you?”

He smiles, “Well that too.”

“I listen to everything really. Rock, pop, alternative, country - don’t tell Connor that, he’d hate me.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

I give a tight lipped smile, “Right.”

“So you listen to everything. I do too.”

“Right, you have to know what’s going on in the music world. Con’s told me it’s pretty competitive there.”

“Yeah, it is. It’s hard to do something that no one else has done. But I’m sure that’s the same for any other career. Like with film?”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely. I think with anything creative or innovative, you just don’t really know what’s been done and what hasn’t.”

“What made you want to pursue film?”

“Um, I don’t know. I just picked up a camera one day and then I never wanted to put it down. I mean, wasn't it the same for you? You picked up a guitar and you just felt that it was what you were meant to do?”

 He nods, “Totally. I can’t see myself doing anything else.”

“That’s what it is for me.”

I sit quietly in my bed, staring down at the page in front of me, reading and rereading the same paragraph over and over and over again before I finally just close it. “Jesus, why can’t I get him off my mind? This is ridiculous!”

I groan in frustration and look around the room, trying to see everything that he saw the first time he came in here. The books, the desk that is way too organized for a college student. The baby pink bedspread - the only real splash of color in the otherwise monochromatic room. Then I look to my side, where he laid that first night and where he’s laid a countless amount of times now.

I’m so mad at him for always staying in my mind, changing my mood. And when I remember the way he looked hovering over me the way he did just days ago, I want to scream. He was too sexy with his hair slowly starting to stick to his forehead, his breathing deep and hot against my skin, his back muscles flexing beneath my touch. He was perfect and it made me sick. No one should be that beautiful. I don’t know what I did for him to see me and want to spend all this extra time with me, but I’m both grateful and floored by it at the same time. 

“Y/n?”

I blink a few times, “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m really just spaced out today.”

Shawn nods, “It’s okay… Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.”

 He’s quiet for a minute, like he’s trying to pick his words carefully. “Did you want to come on this date?”

The question confuses me a bit, “Yes,” I answer.

“You hesitated.”

“Shawn, it’s not that I didn’t want to come with you-”

“Your head’s somewhere else. I get it. But your heart’s somewhere else, too.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s no secret that you can’t focus, and I don’t mean for that to sound rude. But when you are listening and talking, you’ve brought Connor up a lot.”

I sigh, “I’m sorry.”

“You like him, don’t you?”

“Shawn, please.”

“It’s okay that you do. I… I kind of figured.”

“What? But... If you thought that I might like him then why did you ask me out?”

“Because I like you. I think you’re funny and smart, and passionate, and so pretty. And if I’m being honest, I thought you were gonna say no. Why’d you say yes?”

Because I needed to keep myself from Connor. “Because I like you too.”

“But not like this. Not  in a ‘yeah, I could date this person’ type of way.”

I shake my head, “I’m so sorry. I want to. You have no idea how much I wish it were that way.”

“I know,” he scratches the back of his neck. “I wish it was too. But that’s life. At least we tried, right?”

I nod and look back down at the table, “Yeah, at least we tried.”

We’re walking out to the car when he asks, “So, what are you gonna do about Connor?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, he’s already said that he’s in love with you.” 

It hurts me to see his face when I don’t say it back. But I can’t do it. Not if he’s doing this just for fun. I can’t handle another heartbreak, especially not by him. 

But then I remember how it felt for him to hold me just days ago in my room, after one too many orgasms - and despite the smug look on his face, I have never felt safer in anyone’s arms. And how being with him like this makes the walls I built around my heart melt just a little bit. And as I feel myself drifting, I can feel myself falling too, and that’s so scary. But his arms are still around me and I can almost convince myself that he’s going to catch me. 

“Yeah, he has.”

“Do you love him?”

I swallow hard. “I don’t know.”

“You do know.”

I breathe deeply through my nose, “Yes,” I answer, softly. 

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why not? He told you he’d wait.”

“Yeah, but what if I’m too late? He’s not gonna wait forever.”

“I think he would. I mean, I’ve never seen anyone look at someone with as much love and adoration as he does with you.”

“Okay, but-”

“He needs to know, y/n.”

I groan, “But I can’t tell him now. Because he’s gonna have that arrogant smirk on his face and he’s going to rub it in my face. Tell me that he knew all along. That he knew from the beginning that he could get me to fall in love with him.”

“He’s not going to do that.”

“He would. Because he’s condescending, and so, so arrogant. And it’s exhausting being around him because he’s so smart and he knows what he’s doing and where he’s going. Who just knows that? What college student knows exactly what they want and how to get it? He’s, god, he’s so annoying.”

“But?” Shawn prompts with an amused smirk.

“But,” I continue, “he’s also really funny, and he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. I can’t get tired of listening to him go on about film or anything else, for that matter. And he worries about me, and cares for me. And he buys me things for no reason? Who does that? He doesn’t have to do that, but he does and he does it willingly. Yes, he’s arrogant and sometimes really hard to be around, but… he’s also my favorite person to spend time with. And yeah, I know that contradicts what I just said, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to spend my time with anyone else but him.”

Shawn chuckles.

“No offense,” I say quickly, but he shakes his head. 

“None taken. I get it. So why can you tell me this but you can’t tell him?”

“I guess it’s just easier when it’s not the person who needs to hear it.”

“Well you have all the words. Why don’t you use them?”

“Shawn, I can’t.”

“You can. I know you can. And I think it’s better to do it now rather than later. Keeping it in will only hurt you more - both of you.”

I swallow hard and nod, “Can you take me to his apartment?”

“Yeah?”

I nod, “You said do it now, right?”

He chuckles, “I did. Let’s go.”

I didn’t think I’d try love, but I guess I’ll try today. I’m yours, Connor Brashier. I’m yours. I couldn’t be anyone else’s. 

***

I hope you enjoyed! Please like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

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[etherrealoblivion]

Someplace We Aren't Supposed To

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Spencer and Y/N have a relatively new relationship. Wanting to explore some more kinks, the prospect of the bathroom on the jet is far too enticing to pass up.

tags: smut, jet sex, hair pulling, exhibitionism kink, daddy kink, Dom!Spencer

A/N: i binge wrote this for this request. enjoy!

RATING: EXPLICIT

Words: 2,115

MASTERLIST

~

Everyone on the jet was fast asleep. Everyone except you and Spencer Reid.

Your boyfriend was quietly muttering to himself and flipping through a very thick book entitled, Match Wits With Mensa. He’d been reading it and rereading it a lot lately. When you’d asked him about it, he’d gone into a rant about how one needs to keep their brain alert and to do that, one needs to challenge oneself. 

By your count, he was on his… sixth? seventh? reread of the book, eyebrows drawn together tightly and silently arguing with whatever he was reading.

“....well, how the heck do you expect to gain knowledge of the correct pattern? You can’t!” he muttered, a little louder than anything else you’d managed to hear. Every now and then he’d scoff and say, “Well, that’s just not right.”

Dating Spencer Reid was… interesting. In many, many ways. One of the most prominent being the pleasant surprise as to how he behaved in bed.

You weren’t sure exactly what you’d been expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t what you’d got.

Spencer was, in the best possible way, dominant as fuck. When you’d first had sex, you were shocked to find he had much more fun being on top and pinning you down than the reverse of that.

But, other than him being a little commanding usually, your sex life was rather normal. Could having sex four times be considered a sex life? Sure it could, because even though you hadn’t done it all that much, each time was more amazing than the last.

Although… something had been rattling around your head since the last time you’d done it. After you’d both finished, he’d turned to you and said, “Maybe next time we can try something new?”

“Oh? Like what?” you asked enthusiastically.

“Um. I was maybe thinking… doing it someplace we aren’t supposed to?”

“Uhhh. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that, Spencer. My ass is sore enough already.”

“No!” he’d yelped, realizing how what he’d said sounded. “No, no, no. I meant more like… a physical place that’s more exciting? I don’t know, it’s weird.”

You’d been so delighted at him sharing his slightly kinker side, even more so at the prospect of actually exploring it.

“Okay! I think I’d really like to try that! Maybe next time we have time off, we can find somewhere we’d both be comfortable?”

“Wait, really?” his face went blank and you’d felt his spent cock perk up slightly.

“Yes,” you chuckled. “Maybe this weekend? If we don’t get a case, of course.”

And then the stupid phone had rung, pulling you from domestic bliss for three whole weeks to downtown Atlanta.

Now, though, you were safely on the plane home, excited to finally be able to relax. But still, an intrusive thought was wiggling around in your head and the more you tried to ignore it, the louder it got.

After several minutes, you set your own book down and looked at your oblivious boyfriend.

“Hey, Spencer?”

“Hmm?” he hummed back from behind his book.

“I was thinking about something we talked about a while back….”

“Mmhmm.”

You smiled, excited to see what his reaction to your proposal would be.

“And I figured we’re in a plane, yeah?”

“Mmhmm,” he muttered, flipping a page.

“And I’ve racked my brain this whole ride so far, trying to come up with a place more exciting than an airplane bathroom.”

“Huh?” he set his book down, head tilting ever so slightly to the right as it did when he was confused. Then, his whole face dropped, realization dawning on him and you had to suppress a chortle.

“Oh…. You mean....? Are you suggesting that we… um…”

Holding your hands up defensively, you smirked and slowly stood up.

“I’m not suggesting anything. In fact, now that everyone’s asleep,” you said with a pointed look around the plane, “I think I’ll use the bathroom. See you soon.”

And you walked away, making sure to sway your hips a little more prominently, and stepping into the tiny airplane bathroom.

There was a very big possibility that Spencer wouldn’t follow you. He wasn’t exactly the type to hook up in an airplane bathroom. Although, he was the one who’s brought up getting a little riskier in the first place.

The door slid open suddenly and Spencer was inside, quickly locking the door behind him and turning around. 

He opened his mouth, no doubt to spout off facts about the numbers of injuries and risks involved in what you were about to do, but your lips were on his before he got a chance to share any of them.

Moaning quietly at the feeling, you ripped off his shirt as he quickly pulled yours over your head along with your bra.

“God,” he gasped, hands instantly grabbing your chest, massaging your breasts lightly as you continued to kiss.

Slipping a hand down his pants, you muttered against his mouth, “I need you, Spencer,” as your hand coiled around his cock.

He was already so hard. Presumably just from the anticipation of this. 

Filling your voice with all the love you could manage, you groaned into his ear, “Fuck me!”

With that command, he spun you around, one hand flying to your hair and shoving you down so you were bent over the tiny sink. He shoved up your skirt and yanked your panties down in one fluid motion with the other hand.

You could hear him unbuckling his belt and he leaned in to whisper in your ear, the hairs on the back of your neck pricking up at the feeling.

“Oh, I’m gonna fuck you. Look at you…. Bent over like the cheap little whore that you are. Begging for me to give you what you so desperately want. I bet you like how I’m holding you down, taking control. Tell me, how bad do you want this, huh?”

He pressed the head of his cock against your entrance and you fluttered at the pressure. You needed him bad.

“So, so bad! Spencer!! Pleeeaassee!” you whimpered softly, forehead pressing against the hard plastic of the counter.

With a sharp tug of your hair, he lifted your head so you could see how you looked: makeup smeared, mouth hanging open, and utterly and completely wrecked. What really took the cake was the sight of Spencer holding you down, one hand in your hair and the other on your waist, arching your back. 

Sometimes, especially in the heat of the moment, you would forget how young he was.

“Then take it, little girl,” and he shoved into you in one smooth thrust, a sharp gasp leaving your lips before you could suppress it.

His hand snaked around your mouth and held it shut as he slowly pulled back out and filled you again.

“Shhhh,” he chided, increasing the intensity of his thrusts. “You don’t want everyone to hear you, do you?”

You moaned around his hand as he continued to pound into you.

“Oh? Maybe you do?” he leaned forward again, briefly biting your ear before whispering: “Maybe you want to wake up everyone on the plane so that they know how you liked to get fucked. So that they know who you belong to.”

“Mmm,” you moaned, attempting to show him how much you were enjoying this.

He quickly withdrew his hand and you bit your lip in fear of making too much noise. While the idea of everyone knowing what was happening was hot, it wasn’t something you wanted to tempt.

“What’s that?” Spencer grunted, yanking your hair harder and harder with each shove into you. “Say it, little girl. Say who owns you.”

“You! Fuck! You, Spencer!”

“Say it,” he commanded, teeth biting down on your shoulder harshly. “Say my fucking name.”

You could feel the heat rising in the pit of your stomach as he gained speed and depth, getting rougher and rougher with you, practically yanking you back onto him regularly.

“Spencer! Fuck! Spencer!”

Uh oh.

That was definitely louder than you thought it was. You reeeeally hoped these walls were somewhat soundproof.

Spencer, however, was losing composure, a sight you loved to see in the mirror. His mouth was dropped open, forming a tight ‘O’ shape, his eyes were shut tightly and his eyebrows so furrowed. He’d taken off his glasses. When did he do that?

You could tell he was close. He always started to ramble the closer he got to coming. But you weren’t worried, you were right there with him.

“You fucking love taking my cock like a little slut. I can feel your goddamn cunt fluttering around my fucking dick. You like this? You like watching me as I fuck into you from behind in a cheap fucking bathroom? You wanna watch me come inside you, fill up your little hole? Fuck! You’re such a good little slut for Daddy.”

At that last word, your eyes snapped shut and you felt the familiar burst of flames licking their way up your body as you came apart underneath him, forced to watch yourself the whole time.

Spencer’s thrust quickly became erratic at the sensation of you coming around him and with a few more thrusts you felt him fill you up completely, staying firmly inside for a few minutes.

When he finally pulled out, one of his hands stayed on your hip to hold you still so he could watch his come slowly slide out of you and down your thighs. Intrigued, he swiped a finger over your sore hole and played with the juices there, gently rubbing them into your skin.

“You okay?”

His voice was so soft, so tender. So… Spencer.

“Yeah!” you gasped, standing up very carefully and pulling up your panties, hoping the plane would land soon. “Very, very much yes.”

You smiled warmly at him and he returned it, redressing himself and slipping his glasses back on his nose.

“I’m sorry about the, uh… Well… I don’t really know where that came from…”

“The, um… the thing you called yourself at the end?”

He blushed, a strange circumstance due to what you’d just done.

“Yeah. That.”

“Spencer,” you pulled his face up to meet yours quickly. A worried expression was on his face that you needed to rectify quickly. “I don’t mind that. Actually… I’m very curious to explore that. If you want?”

His face lit up and somehow, that was more pleasurable than the orgasm he’d just given you.

“Really?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I think that could be fun! There’s lots of stuff I’m excited to try with you.”

“Me too.”

The two of you held each other for a bit longer before Spencer left the bathroom, you staying behind just in case someone had woken up.

You exited moments later after adjusting your hair and makeup so you looked presentable enough and sat down across from your boyfriend, a pleased expression on your face.

Spencer, however, was a shade of bright red.

“You okay?” you asked softly, taking his hand across the table.

He shook his head and, avoiding eye-contact, jerked it towards the other end of the plane.

You swiveled around and your stomach dropped.

There, chuckling softly, was a very awake Prentiss and Morgan, the latter of which wolf-whistled once you made eye-contact.

Shit.

“Fuck!” you turned back to Spencer. “Did they see you leave the bathroom?”

You wouldn’t have thought it possible, but Spencer somehow turned redder.

“They… they were both in the kitchen, just outside.”

“Oh my god…. How much did they—”

“Too much!” Morgan hollered from the back, a smile in his tone that you wanted to slap out of him. “Too much, lover girl!”

And you heard Emily chortle and the unmistakable sound of a high-five.

Spinning around, a surge of boldness washed over you and for some unearthly reason, the words left your mouth before you could think them through.

“We’ll make sure to be a lot louder next time, then.”

That sure as hell knocked the pleased expressions off their faces, Spencer included.

“What?” you asked innocently. “It’s their fault for listening. I’m not ashamed.”

But Spencer simply swallowed and said, “Next time?”

You looked up at him, smiling at the way he twitched his nose and how that shifted his glasses. He was so beautiful. And he was all yours. And you were all his.

“Oh yeah. Next time,” you said, winking at him.

As the plane landed and everyone departed, you swore you heard Morgan mutter to Prentiss, “Remind me to buy earmuffs.”

Poor Morgan. For the stuff you and Spencer were gonna do, he’d need a whole noise-canceling system.

~

A/N: i’ll edit this a bit better tmr I just wanted to post it now.

~

TAGLIST

@whollytaciturn​ @101donuts​ @thegingerfairchild @safertokiss @happyiidiot @cielo1984 @thupidalethea @darkacademiacherry @matthewreid @aloha-ashley-taylor @justchiara-02 @spnobsessedmemes @sweet-darlin @matthewreid​ @brokenanxiety​ @thatsonezesty13​ @psychedellic-phase @beautifulalmondstudentduck @awhollandx @baddreamsandbrokenhearts @simp-for-mgg @swagdaddycam @gejatume @url-under-construction @radkryptonitepeanut @idontneedalltheseemotions @krymson182 @addie5264  @pinkdiamond1016

[tanktop-lou]

Tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

Thanks for the tag @counttoinfinityy @iicflicker @farawaytatmybeloved @whaleharry I know it took too long but here I am🌷

MUSIC

fav genre? almost every kind of rock (punk/heavily/indie/pop ecc) so yeah rock in general

fav artist? louis right now

fav song? that's impossible, I can't choose I love a lot of songs and my fave always changes

most listened song recently? the outside by twenty one pilots

song currently stuck in your head? revolution by elias (yeah that's the song of young royals and it plays 24/7 in my head)

5 fav lyrics? This is tough, I'll try (some are pretty old but they still mean a lot to me)

I don't want to die/I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all (Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)

Do you ever wanna run away?/Do you lock yourself in your room/With the radio on turned up so loud/That no one hears you're screaming? (Welcome to my life by Simple Plan)

Put a price on emotion/I'm looking for something to buy (Fine line by Harry Styles)

It's been a minute since I called you/Just to hear the answerphone/Yeah, I know that you won't get this/But I'll leave a message so I'm not alone/This morning I woke up still dreaming/With memories playing through my head/You'll never know how much I miss you/The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead (Two of us by Louis Tomlinson)

'Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind (Migraine by Twenty one pilots)

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on (I don't ever drive in silence, I drive to silent to music basically)

BOOKS (and fanfictions because I read them a lot more then books)

fav book genre? mystery, thriller, fiction, romance

fav writer? Dan Brown

fav book? Can't choose, so 'The Nonexistent Knight' by Italo Calvino, 'Pride and Prejudice' by Jane Austen, 'The Lost Symbol' by Dan Brown

fav book series? percy jackson of course <3

comfort book? all fanfictions, they are my comfort

perfect book to read on a rainy day? 'Inferno' by Dan Brown

fav characters? Annabeth Chase (such a badass)

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? don't know any, I wish I was like a lot of people who remember these things

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator  | realism or fantasy (both sorry) | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? romance, fantasy

fav movie? I have too many... Mulan is a fave

comfort movie? 13 going on 30

movie you watch every year? the holiday (it's tradition every Christmas)

fav tv show? young royals (new fave i'm in love with it), brooklyn 99, money heist, friends, the good place, shadowhunters, doctor who, black mirror, sherlock

comfort tv show? brooklyn 99 or friends

most rewatched tv show? teen wolf and pretty little liars

ultimate otp? Jake and Amy (brooklyn 99), Magnus and Alec (Shadowhunters), Simon and Wilhelm (Young Royals)

5 fav characters?

Simon (young royals)

Holt (brooklyn 99)

Sherlock (sherlock)

Stiles (teen wolf)

Tahani (the good place)

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons(22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging (lol I wish I had the patience for one episode a week) |one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off (because I always watch it in the original language) | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

Tagging (if you haven't already and you want to) @holyshit @sunsmile-lou @gettingdizzyoh @thosefookinavacados @hearyouhowling @kiwikiwiandkiwi @princess-lou @longhairlouis-mybeloved @avocadolouis28

[deadlyglacier]

20 Questions tag~

I was tagged by @mythicamagic thank you senpai~<3

How many works do you have on AO3?

40 right now, plus 1 that is still hidden because of the SOFA Exchange event.  (I’m still a lil fish.)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

486,920!  That’s so amazing to me!

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

InuYasha - A Feudal Fairytale (18)

FullMetal Alchemist (18)

Mass Effect Trilogy (3)

Let’s Play (Webtoon) (1)

Kingdom Hearts (1) But I hope to write for many more fandoms in the future!  I have ideas for fics for Castlevania, Skyrim, Fallout 4, Last of Us Part II, and more!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#1.  Stardust FemShep/Garrus, Mass Effect Trilogy, Rated Explicit. A retelling of the Shepard/Vakarian love story, with lots (and LOTS) of sexiness, from Garrus' point of view. Starts from before the Omega-4 and will end sometime after the end of ME3. Trying to stay as true to the game as possible, while adding some things happening off camera and a new ending.

#2.  Flamingo Sess/Kag, Inuyasha, Rated Explicit Kagome's method of beating the summer heat attracts a certain demon lord...

#3.  Hawk Sess/Kag, Inuyasha, Rated Explicit Kagome and Sesshomaru discover they have a mutual attraction for each other after a battle and a slight comedic incident brings them together. At first their relationship seems entirely sexual, but eventually evolves into something real. What will this romance mean for Naraku? Or even the future?  *TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHAPTER 6! MAJOR VIOLENCE AND TRAGEDY* Very, very loosely based on "A Mere Digression" by elle6778

#4.  Daisy Sam/Charles, Let’s Play, Rated Mature Sam wakes up somewhere unfamiliar with a splitting headache with no memory of the night before. Takes place right after the S2 finale.  First chapter was my prediction for what would happen next, and then three other “wishful thinking” chapters happened, lol.

#5.  Chemistry Ed/Winry, FullMetal Alchemist, Rated Mature A look at how the relationship between Ed and Winry developed after Brotherhood ended.  Cute, sweet, funny, and hot (eventually—y'all that know me know I gotta have some NSFW in there).

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to respond to everyone, especially when a fic of mine has just been posted, but sometimes I just forget.  If I haven’t responded to your comment, please know it’s just because I’m a big dumb and forgot!  I love getting comments, and I reread them all the time!  I just feel like there’s a time limit to when I can respond to them--if I let too much go by, it’s awkward if I reply.  Gah, but that’s just me getting in my own head, I guess.  I’ll do better!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oof, definitely Psychology, a fic I wrote for RoyEdOTPoly this year.  The prompt I got was dark, and I didn’t see any way around an angsty ending.  Read at your own risk!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Well, aside from the last fic, I try to write happy endings for all my fics!  But, if I have to name names, I’m torn between Zoology (another FullMetal Alchemist fic, RoyEd, for RoyEdOTPoly this year) and Stardust (my Mass Effect fic, which is long, but so worth it, in my opinion).  Both are very fluffy in the end!

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Argh...  I don’t really like crossovers, to be honest.  I actively avoid them when looking for fics to read.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of writing them myself.  (I’m a total hypocrite, I know.)  I had an idea for an Inuyasha x The Sims fic, years ago, that I never did anything with.  The premise was basically Inuyasha and Kagome would get trapped in the game somehow (via the jewel or magic or something), and they’d be controlled by Souta, Kagome’s friends, Hojo--all sorts of different people who think the fact that Kagome and Inuyasha are in the game is just some kind of silly mod.  I probably won’t write it, so if anyone is interested in that crazy idea, have at it!  You have my blessing. <3 I also have a crazy crossover idea for what I call an “Ultimate OT3″ of mine that I’ve mentioned to my friends, but I haven’t actually written down yet:  Sesshomaru/Alucard/Sebastian Michaelis.  So be on the lookout for that!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I wouldn’t call it “hate” so much as “mansplaining,” but I have gotten a couple of comments that made my eyebrow twitch on Stardust--both on AO3 and FFN.  Just dudes (and I’m fairly certain they were dudes, just from their tone) trying to explain why a certain plot twist wouldn’t work, or tell me how to save Sidonis in the actual game (which I already knew, that person just didn’t read what I wrote). I’ve also gotten a comment on one of my more controversial fics, Hippology, on FFN, where the person asked me if I thought my summary was K-Rated (which, admittedly, it does need to be for the site, and mine wasn’t--because of a single word).  I changed it and messaged them saying it was fixed.  Going to that commenter’s profile, however, proved to be fairly enlightening...  They’re nuts.  They have another profile, too.  Read at your own risk.  Yikes. There’s also a team of people on FFN who make it their life’s mission to report stories with rule violations.  I’ve gotten a comment from one of them as well.  These people are not mods, they just like to pretend they are--one of them even made their name look official!  “CU Administration,” gtfo dude. I also recently got one of my fics removed from FFN.  It wasn’t even one of my sexiest ones!  They put me in timeout for 48 hours, and when I was finally able to publish something new on the site again, I posted Hippology (my centaur smut), and it’s still up as I type this.  (Wonder how long it’ll take them to notice?)  And since the fic that got taken down was a SessKag fic, I’m thinking it might have been a petty SessRinner who reported it to the “authorities” of FFN, because another friend of mine got hers taken down not long after mine, and it was also SessKag.  Just my tinfoil theory, anyway!

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, yes, yes.  It’s practically all I write.  I do all sorts of smut, from romantic, sensual stuff, to specific kinks, to monsterfucking--all that good stuff.  Can’t change me~<3

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

God, I hope not!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so.  No one has asked me if they can translate one, anyway.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet!  I’m open to the idea, and I’ve had little discussions with my fic-writing buddies about it, but nothing’s come out of it just yet.  Keep your eyes peeled!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh, now come on!  I can’t pick just one!  But I’ll give you a top 3 (in no particular order, because they change places a lot, depending on how obsessed I am with them at the moment). Inuyasha:  Sess/Kag FullMetal Alchemist:  Roy/Ed Mass Effect:  Garrus/FemShep

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a couple of stories that I deleted from my original FFN account that I’d like to re-write and re-post on AO3, but I don’t think I’ll ever get around to it.  There were a couple of Inu/Kag fics I had in-progress, and then a Koug/Kag fic.  I recently rewrote and reposted my SessKag fic from years ago, Hawk, on FFN, AO3, and Dokuga!  So maybe all hope isn’t lost.  I’m even writing a sequel for Hawk! All the stories I have in-progress right now I plan on finishing.  At some point, lol.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, without a doubt.  It’s my favorite thing to write, aside from smut, of course--which is another strength of mine.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions, ugh.  I try to do them well, but I always feel like they get stale.  So I keep them somewhat vague, because in my mind, I think readers will fill in the gaps themselves whether you describe something immaculately or not--they’ll see what they want to see, and that is totally fine in my book!  Or maybe I’m just making excuses, lol.  I’ll only describe something in a lot of detail if I want the reader to focus on that--usually an outfit, accessory, or weapon--otherwise, I leave it up to their imagination (I don’t want manipulate it too much, I suppose).

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Wildly unnecessary unless that author speaks the language as well, or if certain words already exist in the fandom’s translations (ex. “youkai,” “alkahestry,” etc).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha, and the fic(s) I wrote in the beginning were terrible.  I want to burn all traces of them off the face of the earth.  I was in middle school.  I was young and stupid.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I gotta go with Stardust.  It’s the longest fic I’ve ever completed at more than 160k words.  I was so immensely proud when I typed “The End,” and I was able to say to myself “I did it.”

I tag: @glassesmcfancyhair @willowsrain 

[firelxdykatara]

Reader anon here!

Hi it's been awhile, I hope you are doing well! I know I am! I have successfully bought more books and filled another shelf in my bookcase and it is just so satisfying to see! I have a shelf dedicated to each genre I like, so one shelf is just erotica and downright smut, while another is high fantasy/YA fantasy! Then at the bottom are my books on mythology and languages!

I am so proud of my collection 😩 and can't wait to get more books. That new book smell is just-🤌🏻

Do you like books that focus on romance or do you like books that focus on more mystery/conflict and have a good chuck of romance? For me, I like both!

Oh omg reader anon I am in awe at your organization skills akflgjhdkfjghdkjfgh

Right now my 'to be read' pile is a literal pile of books (well, multiple piles, but) scattered around my room and the living room and every once in a while I'll pick one up and actually start reading it (I recently started The Lunar Chronicles, in fact, and I'm already fully in love with Linh Cinder, best girl) and then sometimes I'll get halfway through and pick up another book and sdfklghdkfjhgkjdgh ANYWAY IT IS A WHOLE MESS IS WHAT I'M SAYING. I wish I could have an organized bookshelf but I ran out of space in mine ages ago and it is covered in yet more piles of books (though the ones on or around my shelves are mostly ones I've already read, although I've been eyeing Mistborn and The Wyrd Museum for a reread cause it's been so long, but I think if I started rereading old books right now my unread book piles would coalesce into an autonomous figure and beat me over the head with my own readerly ambition lmfao)

As for your question, honestly it really depends on the book! I absolutely love a good romance-focused narrative (emphasis on 'good', bodice rippers don't usually do it for me but sometimes when I'm in the mood I go to my mom's bookshelf and raid it for something cheap and tawdry (affectionate) that hits just the right button I need pressed at that moment, so y'know, it varies), but I also love books where the romance is incidental to the actual plot. In that case, though, I like it best when the romance and character arcs are woven into the plot rather than forcing the plot to conform to them, you know?

Like, I'll use the Grishaverse trilogy as an example here, because I've been rather hyperfixated on it and the extended world lately, but part of the problem I have with that series is that the romance the author clearly wants you to be invested in and root for at the end of the day is the most boring part of the entire story--and yet it quite literally warps the universe of the books around it to make it the most important part of the main character's journey.

You have a world on the brink of full-scale war where the main character has just discovered she is part of an oppressed minority group that are primed for literal annihilation--she is in the only country where her people can get even a pretense of agency and a fulfilling livelihood (Fjerda burns their witches, Shu-han vivisects them, Kerch sells them into slavery, and even in Ketterdam they aren't really safe unless they can make themselves useful enough to earn protection from one gang or another; the Wandering Isle and Novyi Zem may be the exceptions to the rule, but Fantasy Ireland and Fantasy Australia/Africa never matter enough to the story for any of the characters to find out), and yet even when she is suddenly a target for assassination purely because of what she is, there's never any real sense that she actually cares about Grisha as a whole.

Instead, the only thing she really cares about is her childhood romance. Getting back to Mal is the only thing that matters to her. The show tried to give her a little more agency (where in the books, she was pretty much just buffeted this way and that by the whims of the plot and very rarely made her own decisions about anything; and when she did, they were rarely based in any actual logic, and I say this as someone currently forcing my way through the books so that I can more accurately critique them.... it is intensely aggravating as a reader lmao), but they couldn't change the plot too much, so she winds up coming across as even more stupid than in the source material. And still, Mal and the meadow is a constant refrain, for reasons that, as far as I can tell, are never actually explained beyond 'these two kids traumabonded over their experiences growing up in an orphanage in a war-torn country, and they are dangerously codependent as a result'.

In order for the books to end as they do, Alina can't actually give a shit about the plot going on around her. The romance completely overrides the sense that anything else in this world matters, and when the romance is the most boring part of the plot, focusing on it to the exclusion of all else just makes the entire thing fall flatter than a house of cards in a stiff breeze. And that's the kind of romance I usually don't like--which gets thrown into much sharper relief when you go over to Six of Crows and find romances that actually work with the characters and the world and the plot surrounding them, rather than against it.

So that said, tl;dr: I like both too! But if the narrative is going to be romance-focused, then that romance needs to not be the least interesting part of the plot (traumabonded childhood friends to lovers working through that pain and coming out the other side healthier and happier for it can work really well, if you haven't plopped them in the middle of a world and plot that is much more interesting when they are apart), and if the romance is secondary to the plot, then it needs to take a proper back seat and work with the characters and their individual arcs as they move through the world, rather than attempting to force the plot into a different shape so the romance can work.

[spnfanficpond]

Pond Diving - Imagineteamfreewill

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Meg

Age: 20s

Location: United States

URL: @imagineteamfreewill

Why did you choose your URL: I first started out structuring my stories as imagines, and the “Team Free Will” part was pretty obvious.

What inspired you to become a writer: Reading Supernatural fanfiction inspired me to get back into writing, but I’ve always enjoyed it. My mom likes to talk about how when I was in Kindergarten, I drew a picture about how I wanted to be an author and now I write in my free time.

How long have you been writing: According to tumblr, I’ve been writing fanfiction since 2014, but I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I’m a music teacher, so I sing and play piano, and I’ve played a bit of cello and tenor saxophone as well. I love movies, baking, sleeping, and a few video games.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? I joined sometime around Season 8 or 9, I think. I don’t really remember!

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I really enjoy Marvel and I’ve read a lot of Marvel fics, but I don’t write for them. I like a lot of TV shows (New Girl, Parks and Rec, The Good Place, Outlander, etc), but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I love to write poetry. I had a poetry blog at truenorth-ink a while ago, but I haven’t updated it recently at all. Most of my poems aren’t published or posted anywhere.

Favorite published author: I love some of the early series by Rick Riordan and I also really enjoy poetry by Nikita Gill and Atticus. Lately, I've really been getting into Leigh Bardugo's books.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: I think "East" by Edith Pattou really affected me! I read it when I was in 6th-8th grade and I think about it often. I think it's something that really stuck with me and got me interested in fantasy books so much. I read it at least once a year.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I love angsty stuff, and most of the time I prefer it when it has some fluff mixed in. Straight fluff is often hard for me to read because I need something that’s more realistic for my own life and point of view. I also really like whump, but that can be a lot sometimes so it depends on my mood.

Favorite piece of your own writing: I don’t know if I have a favorite, but I loved writing Back to the Start (my mermaid series) and The Switch (a canon-divergent apocalyptic Reader x Sam series). Right now, I'm really enjoying my Consort series (a Goddess!Reader x Dean series). Creating my own rules in my own little universes is one of my favorite things to do, especially since I can’t always do whatever I want in real life.

Most underrated fic you have written: Empire. I loved getting to write Boyking!Sam because it was so different from my normal Sam stories and I did a lot of research for it. I’m pretty proud that the story never got too bloody or gory, too, so if you want some Boyking!Sam that’s not drenched in blood (for lack of a better term), I’m your girl!

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Probably Back to the Start or The Switch. I think those two series would be amazing to see with J2, the rest of the cast/characters I included, and special effects! There’s so much I’d want to explore with both of them that I didn’t put into the series.

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @sunlightdances, @supernaturalfreewill, @lipstickandwhiskey, @smol-and-grumpy, @percywinchester27, and @kaz2y5-imagines

Favorite fic from another writer:  I don’t think I could pick just one, but I’ve read all of @sunlightdances Dean fics multiple times. Her works got me through some pretty sucky times in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of her writing! I’ve also been reading her Bucky fics recently and it’s made me love Marvel fics even more than before!​

Favorite character to write: Sam Winchester

Favorite Pairing to write: Reader x Sam (Reader x Dean is a close second)

Least favorite character to write (and why): I don’t like to write for Crowley or Gabriel. Gadreel is hard for me even though I can do it, but I don’t understand Crowley or Gabriel’s personalities at all because they’re literally so far away from mine.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? No, although @lipstickandwhiskey and @kaz2y5-imagines really encouraged me in my writing!​

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I would love to write a non-Supernatural work of fiction to publish, but that’s a long way off.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Oh Lord, I have so many! I have at least four series and two one shots in the works right now. I've also got over 100 one shots/series plotlines written out in the notes on my phone and various Google Docs.

What are you currently working on? I’m currently working on a Cinderella series, my Underworld series, my Puer Rex series, my Consort series, an Author!Sam fic, and an Author!Dean fic. I also write stories for my Words series now and again.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Reading other people’s work. The intense storylines of @luci-in-trenchcoats ’s fics have gotten me to be more bold with my writing and the emotions and description in @supernaturalfreewill’s works have inspired me to let my work have more feeling.

Best writing advice you've been given: Not necessarily writing advice, but I was once told that anything worth doing is worth doing at least a little bit every day. Think about it—if you wrote even just five minutes a day, how much better will you get over the course of a month? A year?

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Repetition of words and commas. So many commas and so many uses of the same word over and over again. It’s a hard balance between using the word and using synonyms without sounding like I’m sitting there googling synonyms for “said”. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things that I think are super important but aren’t really important in the long run. I’m wordy as hell and my writing would be dull if I didn’t edit it as thoroughly as I do.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? A lot of times I have these ideas that I think would make a great series but I don’t think through them, so planning out the plot of a series (or even a standalone fic) beforehand is something I struggle with.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I would love to write more fics that have the characters dealing with severe mental disorders or that take place in a mental hospital, but I’m afraid that I’ll portray something wrong and solidify harmful stereotypes about what it’s like to deal with those things.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Honestly, just wanting to write things that I enjoy. Sometimes I get sick of reading other peoples’ stuff since it’s not exactly what I want, so I just write my own!

How do you deal with self doubt: Understand that sometimes it happens. You’ll doubt yourself—everybody does. If I’m doubting myself or my writing, I’ll take a break until I remember why I write. Then I’ll remember that yeah, writing for an audience is fun, but I write because I have cool ideas I want to explore, not because I need the attention or love of strangers. Lastly, I’ll reread my old fics, especially the ones I love, and then I’ll go back and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. That way I can see how I’ve improved and I don’t feel so terrible anymore! Reading my own fics is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, and I’ll read through my masterlists every once a while just to remind myself of the things I’ve loved, where I’ve been, and where I’m going.

How do you deal with writer's block: Like I said, I reread old fics and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. Seeing the things I’ve done before always helps to focus me. I’ll also read other people’s stuff or talk about headcanons with some friends to try and find some inspiration.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Lately I have been, but only because my periods of intense inspiration and productivity are getting farther and farther apart because of my job. I’ve found planning it out to be more and more helpful, especially for my series. A lot of times if I get a great idea, I’ll outline the whole plot or any significant details I want to put in that one shot/series so that I can come back to it whenever I have the time or I’m inspired for it again.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I write best in places that are unfamiliar to me or in places/times where I shouldn’t be writing. Class? Writing. Airport terminal? Writing. 4am when I have to be up at 6? Writing.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? Not that I remember! I feel like there’s probably been one or two over the years, but I probably just got upset about it with my friends for a while and then got over it.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? A long time ago, when I was writing Back to the Start, I had one person who sent me asks for every single series update. I screenshotted them and saved them on my laptop. There’s one particular one where they say that they’re happier because of my writing and honestly, isn’t that what we all strive for? That people’s lives are better because of our stories? I’ve also had some pretty great friends recently who’ve made it a point to reblog and send asks/messages on all my works, which has been so meaningful that I never replied to the asks. They’re sitting in my inbox and I go through and reread them sometimes when I’m feeling down.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be?  ​Write down everything. If you come up with an amazing piece of dialogue, even if it’s just one sentence or one person talking, or if you come up with something you’d think would be a great title… WRITE IT DOWN. It doesn’t matter if it fits into whatever you’re currently writing or not, it’ll come in handy! I don’t know how many times I’ve gone through my idea list and found really obscure lines/titles/inspiration that didn’t make sense when I wrote them down, but are now exactly what I need to finish a fic. Even if you don’t end up using it, jotting down your ideas is still writing, and that’s good practice!

[violetnotez]

I am in serious need of soft hours headcanons with Izuku. I wanna pamper him with love, hold his cheeks and kiss him tenderly, hold his hands and draw circles on them with my thumb, hug him to my chest to cuddle him, pet his fluffy hair, just tell him how much I appreciate and believe in him. Forehead kisses, cheek kisses, nose kisses, ALL THE KISSES DAMN IT! 😭 I. APPRECIATE. THIS. CUTE. BROCOLI. BOY. Help me plz 😭 I mean, if you can 😂 I know you're very busy with matchups (btw kudos to those

OMG Im so sorry this was so much later! I was really need some good Izuku loving hours when I wrote this, so I hope you like it! Also sorry it was posted at an UNGODLY HOURS I cant have a normal posting scheudele no matter how hard I try!

ALSO I REALIZED U ASKED FOR HEADCANNONS IM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!

Izuku x reader

⤷ Genre: Fluff

⤷ Word Count: 1600+

⤷ Warnings: cursing if ya squint

⤷ Synopsis:   You have been noticing Midoriya has been a little down lately, so you take it upon yourself to cheer him up by sneakily taking his favorite notebook and writing cute messages in his notes, and of course, his reaction is priceless!

This fic is for the @bnhabookclub bingo event!  Here’s my masterlist to see all my work for this event!

Bingo Slot: Doodles On Their Notebook

Your hands were frantically shoving through Midoriya’s things, the collection of All Might merchandise staring at you with piercing eyes as you continued with your search.

Being Izuku’s girlfriend, you pretty much knew Midoriya like the back of your hand. So when he wasn't acting like himself, becoming more sulky and training more, you knew something was seriously wrong with the greenette.

But of course, the green haired boy was determined to prove you wrong, always saying “Im just fine!” or “Dont worry about me angel!” whenever you brought the topic up.

It just- didnt feel right to you...he seemed so sad, so burdened with something inside of him, his green eyes no longer shining like they used to and his body looking as if it was carrying a tremendous weight on his shoulders.

You had decided enough was enough, and that you would remind your boyfriend of how amazing he was by writing affirmations all over his favorite notebook in order to uplift his spirits-if only you could find the damn thing.

“The hell is that book,” you cursed under your breath, your hands now lifting up every textbook on his desk.

“What book are you looking for puppy?”

You felt a spike of coldness rush through your body, your eyes wide as you turned around to look at your confused looking boyfriend.

His hair looked slightly wet, a towel folded underneath his arms and his signature white shirt a little damp from a shower he probably had taken after training. His cheeks were still a little pink, making his freckles a little more prominent, and in any other circumstance you would have pounced on him with kisses from his cuteness.

But-he had just caught you red handed, looking through his stuff...the hell were you gonna get out of this?

“I-uh,” you stumbled out, trying to find a good lie, “I-I lost a notebook, and I-I think it might be here? From when I came over to study?”

Izuku didnt seem to notice your obvious fluster, his eyes downcast and his expression preoccupied.

“I havent seen any of your notebooks lying around...I’ll look for it, dont worry! We’ll find it eventually,” the boy tried to send you a reassuring smile, but it didnt work very well. 

It was sad, tired, worried...just not the usually reassuring Izuku you knew.

All thoughts of your plan filtered out of your mind, your body instantly walking over to the boy. Your hand wrapped around his arm gingerly, some parts rougher than others from his scars as you gently trailed your hand down to rest in his palm.

“‘Zuku, are you feeling okay?” you asked, your voice sweet as you looked up at him with wide eyes. “Is something on your mind? You seem-sad,”

Midoriya sighed, his green orbs looking at you with love and warmth. 

Even if he was looking down, it was reassuring to know he still looked at you like that- at least it wasn't you who was causing this...but what?

“Im sorry puppy, I didn't realize I was worrying you so much,” he said, his voice low as he rubbed his thumb against your hand. “Its just-I-I feel like I'm not improving as much as I should be. I've had this power for some time now, and I can barely use it to half its potential...the others are improving so much, especially Kachan..I just- sometimes I can't help- but think that maybe I'm not cut out for this…”

You tilted your head in confusion, your lips pursed and eyes full of empathy.

You were so relieved to finally know what was eating at your boyfriend so much, but it hurt you to know he was fighting with such insecurities All you wanted to do was love the hell out of him right now and smother him with cuddles and kisses.

“Oh, ‘Zuku,” you sighed out, your free hand finding refuge against Midoriya’s cheek. The boy quietly nuzzled himself into your touch, his skin soft and warm against your palm. “Is that what was bothering you?”

“Yeah-I-I know, it seems silly, its just-”

“No, it doesnt,” you quickly interjected him, a reassuring smile playing on your lips. “Everybody doubts themselves sometimes, no matter how good or bad they are at what you do.

“You're still just training, you're doing everything you can to be the best, more than what most people do in their whole lifetime. Yeah, others are going to improve faster than you, and others are going to improve slower. Just focus on yourself, and your goals, and don't forget what you’ve accomplished. You done so much with yourself Izuku, more than you would ever know, just don't forget that kay?”

Izuku face light up, his expression washing with relief. He instantly buried you into a hug, his taught arms wrapping around you and squeezing you slightly. You smiled at the big softie your boyfriend was, your hands cuddling his body close to you. You felt the boy chuckle slightly, his voice sounding flustered yet more relaxed than before

“What would I do without you?” 

“Probably train until you passed out,” you giggled, a smile gracing your lips, “but seriously Izuku, dont be so hard on yourself, your doing just fine,”

“Okay, I-Ill try,” he stuttered out.

Izuku held you like that for another moment, you both relishing the feeling of the other against your arms. You felt Midoriya pull your body gently away from his, his face facing yours as he placed his hands on your shoulders.

He finally looked a little less solemn, some of the weight being taken off of his shoulders..but that tell tale look of sadness was still there.

“I-I know you were looking for your notebook...but did you maybe want to- stay for a little bit?”

You felt your insides light up from warmth, a grin growing on your face.

God, why did he have to go and be so cute?

“If you want cuddles, ‘Zuku, all you have to do is ask...”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Deku stepped into class the next day, his body almost in a trance as he sat himself down at his usual seat.

Last night was healing for him, just cuddling and having you in his arms, but reality hit him in the face the next day. Those inner demons weren’t quite destroyed, and he realized he still had to battle them, even after the night with you.

He sighed, his shoulders feeling tired as he rummaged through his backpack, pulling out his notebook. 

Mind as well study as he waited for class to start…

He flipped through the first few pages, trying to find the last place he was reviewing, until he noticed something-there was new writing, unlike his own, scrawled in the empty gaps of his notes..

Izuku cocked his eyebrow, his fingers dragging against the message:

“I love how sweet you are, no matter what comes your way.”

Izuku felt his cheeks rise with heat-who wrote that?

He flipped the next page, finding another message:

“Your freckles are adorable and I’d kiss each and every one if I could.”

God, how could these make him so flustered? He felt his whole face rise in heat, beginning to recognize the handwriting as your own. He began to flip through each page, a message almost on every one, all about him:

“You are so strong.”

“I love when you get flustered.”

“Your going to accomplish your dreams and more,”

“Your hair is so cute pls dont ever change it,”

He chuckles at that last one, his digits racking through his locks. His classmates were beginning to file into class, the room becoming much louder than before.

Izuku turned around, his cheeks on fire as he hoped nobody saw him get so flustered-until his eyes met yours.

You were currently talking to Mina and Kaminari a few seats behind, your body sitting on a desk as you watched Izuku with waiting eyes.

Once he made eye contact though, he knew for certain it was you who had written the sweet notes in his notebook- your face lit up with relief, a smile gracing your lips as you sent a wink his way.

Midoriya couldn't help but let a squeak slip out of his lips, his body swiveling around quickly- god, he was too flustered around you!

Midoriya heard Aizawa enter, all his classmated quickly taking their seats and going silent.

He listened to the instruction, opening his notebook to a fresh page to write down notes...but he found himself flipping back to those few pages, rereading every message. It uplifted his spirits, made him feel loved, and he felt so lucky to have someone as caring as you love him back.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

It was now the end of class, the bell ringing daintily around the room as everyone bombarded out to the lunch hall.

You on the other hand stayed behind, walking over to Midoriya as he slowly put his books away in his bag.

“So, did you like it?” you asked, a smile in your voice as you waited for your answer.

Midoriya looked up at you, his eyes wide with gratitude and his cheeks a rosy red-

Yeah, he liked it.

MIdoriya smiled, his grin wide and child-like. “I-I loved it, y/n, thank you!” he shouted, his voice dripping with gratitude.

“God,” you giggled sheepishly, “I took me forever to find that notebook after you fell asleep…”

His hand wracked into his hair again, his bright smile turning into a nervous smile

“Honestly, I don't know if I deserved all that work, but I-I really liked it-”

“Of course you deserve it Izuku!” you quickly reached for his hand, your body moving closer to his, “You are such an amazing person-everything I wrote in there was true, and will always be true.”

Izuku looked up at you, his eyes full of love and admiration. He had never been so grateful and felt so lucky to be with someone as amazing as you.

Midoriya’s cheeks began to turn red again, his body leaning in quickly towards yours. He planted a kiss on your cheeks, his skin leaving a lasting tingle on your skin.

“You know I-I love you-right...cause I do, I really really do,”

[inkedtae]

winter letter ⇾ knj, jjk.[A]

𝓅𝒶𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 ⇾ jungkook x reader (f.), namjoon x reader (f.)

𝑔𝑒𝓃𝓇𝑒/𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 ⇾ angst, pg

𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎 ⇾ three months before your wedding, you get fragments of a letter from an old friend.

𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉 ⇾ 2.1k

𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 ⇾ a lil swearing

𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇'𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒 ⇾ Order up! Give it a good stir; enjoy!

⤑ le playlist

◖collab. for @bangtan-dreamland​’s drinks and drabbles event. find original request here.◗

Crystal snow coats the window pane as it trickles down from gloomy clouds. You wake to find once bare branches and dry roads, heavy and wet with layers of snow. The untreated snow trails fill you with emptiness as the world feels vacant, uninhabited. You’ve been up for hours, watching the sunrise while teacup after teacup nurses your unruly heart. With every inhale and exhale, your lungs only feel further restricted by your rib cage. Bones under flesh, mind over heart, all you feel is pain. 

The six fragments of a letter rest before you on the kitchen table. You drag your gaze away from the frost framed window and read through the paragraphs. You’ve read each horizontally ripped piece a dozen times, trying to fully process the beautifully written sentences. The sender remains anonymous, but you have a good guess on who might be the voice behind this confession. You know his handwriting, know it well enough to be able to deny the obvious possibility that, after two years of silence, the letter carries more than just simple ‘how are you doings.’ With only one more piece left, confirming his identity, you have already gathered that it’s a love letter. 

The first little piece of the letter is dated the day you met Jungkook two years ago. The suspected writer seems to have written it prior to realizing that you’ve already met someone. He seems to be more concerned with the fact that too much time has passed to stay within an arm’s length reach of each other, rather than the presence of someone else in your heart. Rereading the final sentence, you can’t deny hearing your heart whisper his name. 

I love you; I’ve loved you the moment you spilled blueberry yogurt on my white sweater and tried to convince me a bird knocked you over and made you do it.

You can’t believe he still remembers that. It’s not like you have forgotten it, but you just didn’t think he’d remember that day. It wasn’t exactly the first time you’ve met or even saw each other. It was just the first moment the two of you ever exchanged some words.

It was about three months into your first year of university. Late for your philosophers of literature class, you had rushed through the courtyard with your breakfast, a thing of blueberry yogurt, in your hands. Instead of waiting to get into class to enjoy your yogurt, you decided to open it on your way there. This wouldn’t have been such an issue if you didn’t have two books tucked under your arm and your bag falling off your shoulder. Struggling to peel off the lid while juggling so much, you pulled too hard on the flap and spilled the purple tinted yogurt all over someone’s sweater as you round the corner. 

“Shit,” he hissed as he held the hem of his sweater. 

You gasped, bringing a hand to your lips. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

A first glance, you didn’t really recognize him. But, as you continued to look between him and the new yogurt stain on his sweater, you started to realize who he was. He was in a couple of your classes, always happening to seat a row in front of you. His wardrobe always mirrored that of a twentieth century poet, but his answers were never that dated. His insights drove the lecture and most times you wondered why he wasn’t the one teaching the class since what he had to say seemed more reasonable and accurate than whatever the professor brought to the table. 

“It-”

“I didn’t mean to do that, I swear! It just… um… it was a bird. Yeah! This stupid bird knocked over my hand,” you lied, avoiding his gaze as you spun this grand tale of how bird are just flying rats and cannot be trusted. “But, you know what? It happened and I’m gonna fix it. I’ll clean it right now, okay? Just stay still,” you said as you dug into your bag for a tissue. You fumbled with your books under your arm and the half empty yogurt container in your hand as you rummaged your free hand around in your bag. 

“I can just-”

“Hold these!” You ordered, shoving your books into his hands. You placed the yogurt container on top of the books then turned back to your bag. “Don’t let the books touch the yogurt,” you muttered as you pulled out more books and shoved them in his hands to hold. 

He sighed, sarcastically replying, “no, because that would just be a disaster.” 

You didn't know he was being sarcastic then. You remember that all you could think in that moment was that you had to clean his cable-knit sweater. It looked so pretty and, from what you saw of his torso, it fit him all too well. It would’ve been a shame to see it ruined. 

Finally finding a tiny pack of tissues, you pulled it out and set your bag down. You tried your best to wipe it all off, but all you ended up doing was rub the yogurt into his sweater, further ruining the fabric. When you ran out of tissues, you finally took a step back to examine your process. Immediately, you noticed that you managed to spread the stain rather than fix it. 

You curled your lips in and hesitantly nodded. “Looks brand new,” you lied before tossing the tissues in the garbage beside you. Meeting his unimpressed eyes, you flashed him a nervous smile and hoped you looked sorry enough to let this all slide. 

“So let me get this straight,” he started. “Some bird happened to see you opening a pack of yogurt and decided to specifically attack you. It knocked over your hand just as you were opening it and made you spill it all over me?” 

The unamused tone of his voice gave you goosebumps. You shifted your weight from foot to foot and nervously asked, “any that’s hard to believe because…?”

His gaze flickered to a glare. You flashed him that anxious smile once more as he began handing  your books back. He took the yogurt pack and tipped it up to you. “I’m taking this as compensation.”

“I suppose that’s fair,” you sighed. “I think it’s important for you to know though that I am not in alliance with the flying rats.”

“You mean the birds?”

“Same thing,” you brushed him off. “I, for one, prefer sea animals.”

“Don’t sea animals sort of fly too since they’re not touching exactly the ground?”

You paused. Shifting your gaze, you tried to rationalize his words. He made a good point, but you were hell bent on making a better one. “Crabs don’t,” you quickly added. “I love crabs and turtles and other ground-touching sea creatures.”

“Turtles sometimes fly if we’re going with your logi-”

“We can go back and forth all day, but the point is I feel for you because I ,too, hate birds and the things they make us do.”

He sighed, narrowing his eyes on you. He licked his lip then offered the yogurt back to you. You looked between him and the food, raising a brow. “I have a class right now and my professor doesn’t allow food,” he explained. 

“But what about your compensation?”

He smirked. “You’re smart. I’m sure you can come up with a way to make it up to me.”

Accepting the yogurt back, you silently thanked him. He only nodded and pulled out a deep blue pen. Opening your Scorates book, he jotted down his name and number on the first page. “Let me know what you come up with,” he smiled. 

You twirl the engagement ring as the memory floods your mind once more. It’s been six years. He’s held onto these feelings for six years, only finally making them known to you three months before your wedding. You sent him an invitation thinking you were inviting an old friend. Now, you know you’ve reopened a chapter he has decided to close two years ago. 

The part that surprises you, however, is the fact that you don’t regret inviting him, even after knowing how he feels. It should fill you with guilt, with distress, but instead it just makes you crave his presence. 

Getting up from your seat, you make your way to the bookshelves in the living. Scouring the shelves, you find the book you’re looking for. You pull out the book on Socrates, flipping to the first page. His name and number stare back at you, and you suddenly have a hankering for blueberry yogurt. 

Two sharp knocks rap against the front door. You snap your head towards it, shutting the book. Looking down the hall to your shared room with Jungkook, you find him still fast asleep. A breath you didn’t realize you were holding escapes you. Quickly, you make your way to the door. An envelope falls from the space between the edge of the door and the frame the moment you open it.

Only your name’s scratched on it in deep blue ink. You take a quick scan up and down the hallway of the apartment, but it remains vacant, not even the wet trail of the winter weather is left behind. You pick up the letter and close the door. 

Tucking the book under your arm, you open the envelope and pull out the last fragment of the letter. His name greets you with a little heart sketched beside it. The notion almost shatters you. You shakily take your seat at the kitchen table, and slide the last piece into place, taping it with the others. 

You sit in Jungkook’s apartment, but you wear Namjoon’s sweater. You have Jungkook’s ring but yearn for Namjoon’s heart. The guilt is starting to creep up on you, prickling your spine with anxious nerves that can’t manage to keep still. 

“Did someone knock on the door?” Jungkook sleepily asks as he shuffles out of your shared room. 

Moving quicker than you ever have in your life, you fold up the taped up letter and shove it in the book. “Huh?”

Jungkook rests his hands on your shoulders, and kisses the top of your head. “Someone at the door?” he repeats, lips against your hair. 

You gulp, slowly melting into his touch. “No.”

He hums, circling around the table to enter the kitchen. “Thought I heard knocking.”

You drum your hands on the table, trying to imitate the knocks left moments ago. He nods his head, flashing you a little smirk. Getting some coffee prepared, he asks, “want some, babe.”

You shake your head and pick up the book, returning it to its place. Turning around, you find Jungkook leaning against the shelf, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Go on.”

“What?”

“Tell me what’s got you pouty.”

“I’m not pouty!”

He smirks, gaze flickering from your wide eyes to your pout. He tongues his cheek, cocking a brow as if silently asking you to try again. He could see right through you, this you know all too well. It’s the reason why you stayed as quiet as you could the moment you heard his raspy, morning voice. And it’s also the reason, you don’t lie now; well, don’t completely lie. 

“Just thinking about an old friend.”

He curls a loose strand of your hair behind your ear and pushes himself off the shelf. Wrapping his hands around your waist, he gently pulls you close. You can’t help but instantly mold into his frame, leaning your head against his firm chest. Namjoon almost slips right out of your mind, only your eyes fall back on the spine of that book. 

But, as Jungkook rests his chin atop your head, you can’t find it in you to reach out for it anymore. Your heart doesn’t yearn for anything more, anything different. The comfort and safety you feel wrapped in Jungkook’s embrace is not something you can easily replace. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

You shake your head, and inhale his scent. Your blueberry cravings disappear as your desire for strawberries takes over. Pulling back a bit, you reach up on your toes and pull Jungkook into a hug, settling your chin over his shoulder. He doesn’t think too much of the position change, making himself comfortable against you as well. 

From bone to flesh, from mind to heart, all you feel is comfort. Winter letters and missed love confessions linger but you know where your loyalties lie. The possibilities of what could’ve and might’ve will always haunt you but the centainities of the here and now are undeniable. Jeon Jungkook is where you belong. And, as you stare at the crystal snow continuing to fall, you pray that’s  where you’ll stay. 

note; please do not leave hate towards me or any other readers. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my work without my permission. 

[norealnameshere]

Arie Rambles About Text Hypnosis!

(A long writing/essay about what I’ve learned about text hypnosis and the stuff I commonly tell people when they ask about it. :3 )

I adore text hypnosis. I’ve had chances to experience all of the main hypnosis mediums (other than in person, text, voice, video being the others) from BOTH sides, as a tist and as a subject, and text hypnosis is still probably my favorite. 

It also seems to be the least known and least liked of all the mediums, and I’ve found myself writing and rewriting information about and defenses of it time and time again, and I had the idea to write up a neat little document to share and save myself some time. X3

In this (extremely long) piece of writing, I will mostly be addressing a lot of the questions and complaints I’ve heard from people when I tell them I do text hypnosis. The main parts will be a discussion of trance states, the complaints people tend to make, a list of advantages vs disadvantages (and some suggestions for dealing with them), and a bit about tips and tricks and advice from what I do and what I’ve done. X3

Before I begin, I still very much consider myself an amateur, please do not take this as straight fact, it is merely a writeup of my opinions and what I’ve experienced. (At the time of writing, I’ve been doing text hypno as a subject for about a year and a half, and as a tist for about a year.)

Introduction, mostly about kinds of trance states

A lot of the misconceptions about text hypno are at heart misconceptions about hypnosis itself - I’ve also done a LOT of working with newbies and introducing them to hypnosis, and I always tell them that the first thing to do is to toss away pretty much whatever their preconceived notions are. Film/tv shows/books and stage/street hypnosis are fun to watch, but what they portray are very specific ways of approaching trance - possible, yes, but not common in actuality.

The popular image of hypnosis is of someone going limp, eyes closed, unable to move, barely able to respond aloud. Or, as in many thriller/spy movies, someone hypnotized against their will, brainwashed and able to be set off with a single word to go do...whatever they’ve been programmed to do. And those are POSSIBLE, just not at all common. (The second usually requires a great deal of drugs and other bad shenanigans, but that would be another topic for another informational writing. Perhaps I’ll write on subject agency one day. Likely I’ll not. xD)

However, trance states come in a HUGE variety of appearances, and there are some that happen in everyday life, outside of hypnosis. The most common one mentioned is if you’re driving along and find yourself at your destination without really noticing the journey along the way. Another is reading a page of a book and realizing that you can’t really remember any of what you just read. ‘Zoning out’ is a type of trance state. I like to consider those uncontrolled trance states, and hypnosis and meditation guided trance states. (And the difference between those, to me, is like someone walking ahead of you and leading you down a path (Meditation) vs someone taking your hand and pulling you down a path (Hypnosis))

(I always tell newbies in a first session that if they feel lightly relaxed, I consider it a success. Like any other skill, it is something you can build on and deepen *pun intended*. ;3)

And people can trance differently at different times - most of the time I’m ‘down’, I’m just very still and seem to focusing intently on the computer screen, either waiting for words if its text hypno or listening for words if its voice or video. I have gotten to a point where I can go body limp, face blank, completely out of it levels of trance, but it’s not something that happens commonly, and not something I want to have happen commonly. I very much prefer the kind of trance state where you can listen and react and are in an incredibly suggestible state. ;3

Complaints and Misconceptions, Mentioned and Addressed.

WITH THAT SAID, let’s get back to text hypnosis. 

There’s a few major complaints and misconceptions about text hypnosis, and I’ll go through them one by one with the common points I make in response.

“Text hypnosis can’t be real, because in real hypnosis the subject goes completely limp and there’s no way they can type.” (This is an actual thing said to me by a supposedly trained and credited tist I was negotiating a session with. When I tried to say actually, that’s not true, he sent pictures of his girlfriend to ‘prove real trance looks like this’, and jumped down my throat when I asked if he had permission to do that. I’ve had some interesting people in my DMs in the past. xD)

- Those paragraphs up there about trance states? Yep, that, that’s how I usually respond. (Although I may or may not have gotten REAL detailed about some of the things I’ve done while under in text hypno when I responded to the interesting individual I mentioned. x3)

“I don’t understand how someone can type while they’re tranced.”

- Unless you’re someone who genuinely struggles with typing and has to consider every key as you press it, in general typing is not exactly an active thought activity. Most of the time you don’t go ‘I need to type yes, so I’m going to press the y key now, and the e key now, and the s key now. Often, you don’t even think ‘I am typing the word yes now.”, you just...think words and type them as you go, without even directly thinking about the keyboard.

However, it is also something you can work on making easier and more natural. When I’m working with someone new who is uncertain about typing while in trance, I will start by not making them for the first session, I’ll take them down, then bring them up again and check in on them and ask for feedback. I tell them that any questions they see during trance they can answer aloud or in their mind, whatever works well for them. When they’re comfortable with that level, I’ll start having them answer with a y for yes and an n for no (and make sure to ask only yes/no questions). We’ll work up from there as necessary. :)

“I hate text hypnosis because there’s no feedback.”

- I will grant that feedback is not as immediate as it is in voice/video/in person. You cannot hear or see the person and know, moment by moment, how they appear to be doing. However, there are many ways of getting feedback, and sight/sound are not the only ones by a long shot. 

Especially in a first session, I tend to do a series of short drops - taking someone down a little bit, bringing them up, and checking in on how everything is going, what’s worked well, what hasn’t worked as well, etc. Not only is this a good way of getting feedback of how things are going, it also serves to fractionate the subject a little. ;3

As you do more text hypnosis, you also get to know things to watch for - responses starting to slow down, grammar and spelling changing, fuzzy typing (oh gods, I love fuzzy typing~), etc. Having that history of what was typed means you can also have your subject read back over what happened and give you feedback based on that - I know quite a few people whose memories get fuzzy about what actually happened in sessions, but having that record can jog the memory and help them go ‘oh yeah, that happened, and this could have gone better, and...”

Sometimes I feel like it’s *better* feedback in the long run, because I can scroll back through the history and see what I’ve done in the past and how it’s worked. Since I started doing mostly voice hypno with my pets, I’ve missed having that record, because I have a terrible memory. ^^”

“Text hypnosis is fake, it’s all just roleplayers.”

- Sometimes, yes. Usually that’s something you can figure out if you make sure you have a good, thorough discussion and negotiation beforehand, to find out what everyone involved wants out of the session. If it’s something that really bothers you, make sure to include it in your list of questions.

I would say this is a VERY important thing to find out if it’s someone you’re planning on doing an extended number of sessions with, but that’s also the kind of person you should have constant ongoing discussions with anyways. (Hell, I’ve been with my tist and my pets for a long while now, and we still periodically have negotiations. Things change and need to be rediscussed. It happens. :3)

If it’s a one off session, well...at least you’re getting practice with your writing, right?

(I will update this from time to time with other frequent questions or complaints I hear or receive.)

Advantages vs Disadvantages

Now for something a little more fun! Advantages of text vs the other mediums, as well as disadvantages and how to overcome them. :3 (This is definitely a section I’ll update over time, as I think of more things to add. ^-^)

Advantages:

- One of the absolute best things about text is the record it leaves. Unless you record your sessions, voice and video and in person sessions are left only in the memories of the participants. In text, unless the place you’re typing in is deleted after a certain point (or if someone edits their text afterwards, tho’ that actually can be fun too, and I’ll address it later. ;3), you have this useful record of what you did, what was said. 

This is great for multiple reasons. The first and biggest one for me is how much it helps, considering my memory issues - I have a shitty memory, and forget things way too easily. On both tist and sub side, it’s great to be able to scroll back and reread what happened in a session. Second, rereading is a great way to relive and refeel those memories (especially if you miiiiight possibly have the ability to reexperience memories almost as strong as the moment they were made, coughcough) which is also hella good for conditioning. (;3) Third, it can be fun to link back to certain points or use bits of the written record against people. You can tease them with things they wrote, reference past experiences, or (and this is definitely absolutely completely hypothetical and not something I’ve had done to me at ALL, oh no. >.>) leave little ‘traps’ if you know they reread - “When you reread this, send ‘this message’ to me so I know you did, and then forget~” kinds of things.

This fact can also help if you have different schedules or are in different time zones, you can leave short written bits for the other, delayed action traps so to speak that go off when read - not as a replacement for active sessions, but a fun supplement. :3

- Related to this idea but in a different direction, you can create...hmm, kind of ‘homework assignments’ for a subject to read later, or read over and over again. VERY useful for conditioning, especially if you have a suggestion or an order of ‘once you have finished reading this, write [this sentence] to me to let me know you have read it.’

- Another HUGE advantage of text is privacy. I still live with my family and, while I have the benefit of a basement room, interruptions are common and curious ears are a possibility. For people who live with roommates or with bedrooms in the house closer to family members, privacy becomes even more critical. On the subject side there might be some visual signs of what’s happening, depending on what’s being done and how they trance, but overall on both sides it will just look like concentrating intently on the screen and typing, just like writing an email or visiting with people on a discord. 

As a side note to that, you can also do fun things like be innocently sitting in a voice channel with them, chatting with other people, while sending them suggestions or triggers in text, and watch them try not to react, try to resist. ;3

- Just like there are certain tricks only doable in voice or video or in person, there are things you can do in text that aren’t easily replicated in text. 

Just a few ideas off the top of my head are using formatting for various kinds of emphasis (italics and bold are great for helping to add ‘tone’ to your typing, strikethrough can be a fun way to tease someone or to say something you’re too flustery to admit openly, spoiler text can be used to tempt someone and trick them or trap them); italics can be used to denote ‘actions’, which some people either have or can develop the ability to ‘feel’; making use of brackets for different effects (anything I write within {these} you obey immediately and then forget doing is a big one. I’ve created an ability for like...the back part of my head to communicate with my tist even when the active part of my head is dropped, which is pretty useful to be able to go {hey, that thing you suggested got interpreted wrong and I’m kinda stuck now}, and report on things without having to actually come back up. x3); tying triggers or suggestions to emotes to have innocent seeming ways to play with someone or fluster them; and so many more. X3

- Text hypnosis is a godsend for people with hearing or speech problems. I have certain hearing issues that make it hard for me to hear people with certain voice pitches, especially when over a phone or a voice channel. It can break immersion and be frustrating if you have to keep asking for someone to repeat what they’ve said or repeat yourself for someone. You don’t have to worry about volume control or if your microphone is picking up everything you’re saying, don’t have to worry about people misunderstanding your accent, don’t have to worry that you’re mishearing something and responding in the wrong way. 

- One of the biggest reasons I love text hypnosis is the small amount of space I have to think about what I’m writing before I send it. I am WORLDS more creative with my phrasing in text as opposed to in voice, because I don’t have to worry about stammering or stuttering or hesitating while I figure out where I’m going next. Plus I have a tiny amount of time to change what I’m sending before I hit send, if I realize mid sentence that its not what I want to say. I can be thinking about the next line while I’m still typing the last one, but I can’t think of the next sentence while I’m in the middle of saying the current one.

- Seeing a whole page full of typed mantras is lovely, just saying. ;3

Disadvantages (and potential fixes!)

- Biggest one is lack of immediate feedback, which I discussed earlier. :3

- Those who aren’t as skilled at typing or reading may find themselves having some issues. One of the things that brings me out of trace the fastest is having to wait for too long - this is a major disadvantage for tists who are slow typists. ^^”

This problem does present more of a difficulty to get past than some, but I do have some suggestions to try. One thing I’ve done (and that can also be useful if internet flickers and having ‘buffering time’ so to speak, for ANY medium that uses the internet) is to account for that at the beginning with something like “If there is quiet for a moment, you’ll find yourself quietly rereading the last few lines you’ve received, each line you read helping to keep you calm and keep you deep.” or “Any time there is a pause in the words you read for more than a few seconds, you’ll find yourself focusing on [some spot on the screen].’ Specifically on discord, the ‘someone is typing’ message can be useful as a focus anchor.

I don’t approve of copy/paste text hypno in the most part, but perhaps if speedy typing is not something you’re good at, and if it’s a basic induction, AND if you tell your subject what you’re doing, then I could see using it to help make up for slower typing. It’s often easier to keep someone in trance with slower typing than it is to take them down in the first place. You could also possibly give them a written induction file to basically prime the pump. The key is to talk to the subject and find out which, if any of these options are potentially usable. (Also make sure you write your own induction, don’t just copy someone else script.) I would suggest being ready to throw in some in the moment typed lines as well, reacting to things the subject may say. Be ready to improv a little.

- This is more of a problem with manipulative, bad tists than with text hypnosis specifically, but a written record could be used against you (in the same way that someone could secretly record you in the other ways and then use them against you). Be very careful about what information you share with people, basic internet safety stuff, okay?

Also watch out for if someone edits or deletes that record in an attempt to gaslight you or mess with you. If that’s a concern, you can make backup copies of sessions to keep on your computer so you always have the original to consult. Most chat programs that allow editing will also indicate that the original has been edited, so that can also help.

And finally, a few tips and tricks I’ve picked up, basically things I’ve found fun to do, from either side. X3

Assorted Tips and Tricks

- Text is AMAZING for teasing. I am actually known and am infamous for my teasing (there is a server where I helped contribute to a week of so much teasing in general chat that they designated a separate channel for heavy teasing. x3) - I started dabbling in teasing for weeks before I actually tried my hand at any actual hypnosis. (Teasing is wonderful in voice, too, but I have noticed sometimes if someone is chatting normally, then suddenly throws out something teasing, it can be easy to miss it among the normal chat. It’s much harder to miss when it’s in text, especially if accompanied with an emote. ;3)

In text you can also leave teasing messages for someone to see later, maybe after they’ve gone to sleep, or while they’re playing games, or distracted in voice chat somewhere. Like a fun little trap they spring later, and you get a lovely ‘hfouiwenfkwje!!’ later. x3

It’s also fun to have ‘in jokes’, so to speak, and to slyly slip those words and phrases in with normal talking, and get people flustering that way. (For instance, if you use a certain kind of imagery to drop someone, like balloons, and then find ways to slide balloon references into your typing to remind a subject of that session.)

- Group hypnosis is a lot of fun - there’s a few places I’m in that have text channels that allow open hypno, and slyly twisting around the conversation and playing with words until you catch a bunch of people and set them drifting is fuuuun.

It’s also sometimes easier than in voice, because either you have everyone mute and you feel like you’re talking into a void, or you have a chaos of overlapping voices. In a group text session, you can often begin with something like ‘the more you see others type the same kind of responses you do, the more the phrases affect you.’ I have seen cases where you have almost group mantras going on, and the people involved said seeing the others typing definitely added to the experience.

- If you DO have an opportunity to do voice at least once, or once in a while, you can make use of that to add to your text hypnosis - I have some people I have done BOTH with, and they said that they were pretty quickly able to ‘hear’ my voice in my typed words - I actually try very hard to match my written style to my talking style for that very reason. :)

I also have a few emotes that apparently really resemble expressions I’ve done in video before, and I can make use of those emotes to evoke memories of those expressions, and things I’ve done while grinning just THAT way~ ;3

Conclusion

So!

Almost a month after I started and many pages later I am done with what was supposed to be a quick little writeup of ‘things I tend to tell people when text hypnosis comes up’, and knowing me I will continue to edit and add to this as I think of new things.

However! It is done for now, and I hope my rambling was useful as well as entertaining. :3

I am more than glad to expand upon anything I’ve written, my DMs are open for questions or you can track me down in a discord server and ask there, I’m in a few different ones. ^-^