#sometimes it is. it's dormant there always i think. but the hatred gets overwhelming and makes me forget it at times

[noxtivagus]

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[doctorofmagic]

Stephen’s indelible sin

For those who follow me for a while, you’re probably aware that I speak of guilt and self-loathing A LOT when it comes to Stephen. Once I wrote about his most terrible sin, but since then, I’ve gathered MORE information concerning Stephen and Hulk’s relationship. And, on a personal level, I think both fans and writers should explore this bond more, given their history.

Today, I’ll bring a detailed review on Stephen’s mistake and how it escalated into a pain that will never cease to exist within his heart and soul.

Warning: get your handkerchiefs ready, this is about to become sad quite rapidly.

We’ll begin our journey of angst in 1967, as seen in Strange Tales #156-157. In order to prevent Umar from walking on Earth, the Ancient One advises Stephen to release an evil and powerful demon called Zom. The demon is able to defeat Umar, but his strength is overwhelming, enough to give the Ancient One a hard time. Zom’s power is so evil and cursed that releasing him is a deed that catches the Living Tribunal’s (undue) attention. The Living Tribunal is so offended he wants to destroy Earth. And guess what? He blames Stephen, even though he was a mere apprentice imbued with blind obedience at that time.

The Living Tribunal imprisons Zom again, while Stephen convinces the deity that Earth deserves another chance. Stephen basically saves the planet, as usual, while Zom remains dormant for literally decades.

We’ll skip now to a not-so-canon event called “the birth of the Illuminati”, or “how Stephen ruined his life for good out of arrogance and toxic masculinity”. It’s uncertain when they first gathered to boss around the planet, but according to History Of The Marvel Universe #3 (2019) and New Avengers: Illuminati #1 (2007), they made this decision after the Kree/Skrull War, creating a secret council to answer for all humanity, even though humanity itself wasn’t aware of those dubious representatives. The Kree/Skrull war dates back to 1971, which means they spent decades plotting their hidden agendas.

Still, they’re heroes, right? They wouldn’t harm people, would they? They wouldn’t harm their friends or make mistakes. They’re supposed to be the smartest, most powerful people on Earth. Oh. Let me tell you something. Their very first mission was the reason why we had Civil War and Secret Invasion. Yes. It’s their fault that the Skrulls invaded Earth. And yes, Stephen is to blame because he was there with the group when they first threatned the Skrulls never to come back, or else they’d face them. Hah.

However, this is not his indelible sin. As you all know, what I consider an irreparable mistake was sending Hulk to Sakaar. And what’s even worse? It wasn’t the first time that Stephen tried to banish Hulk, as seen in The Incredible Hulk v1 #305 (1985).

But why is Stephen so haunted by banishing a menace? Because Hulk was, foremost, a dearest friend.

From Defenders v1 #12 (1973)

When it comes to Hulk’s friendships, people always think of Rick Jones, Amadeus Cho, even his cousin Jennifer Walters. But few people remember that Stephen and Valkyrie were two of the first heroes to treat Hulk kindly and with respect, even though Hulk always called Stephen names (the most iconic, “dumb magician”, which is a personal favorite of mine).

Stephen has always treated Hulk as an equal, as someone who is so much more than a mindless brute. So it’s really strange for me to read that, at some point, Stephen tried to banish him twice.

Sadly, it happened. The first was not as iconic as the second, though. So I’m focusing on the latter. Remember the Illuminati? The group thought they had the right to decide Hulk’s fate after he went berserk and destroyed Las Vegas. And Stephen agreed to it. Namor, who was also a member of the Defenders along with Stephen and Hulk, was the only one who refused, as seen in New Avengers: Illuminati One-Shot (2006). The three of them were the original members. Stephen should’ve known better. So why would he agree to this?

Because, again, the Illuminati are a very dubious group whose foundations are based on toxic masculinity. Powerful, egoic men left unchecked. And Stephen, as Earth’s most powerful sorcerer, couldn’t resist the call. The Ancient One was dead. The mantle of the Sorcerer Supreme was his. Clea left him years later - and he never told her about his dirty little secret, something that is subtly confirmed somewhere between New Avengers: Illuminati #4 (2007) and Avengers v4 #9 (2011).

Thus, it seems that Stephen, at some point, decided that he was better than everyone around him, a trait that was supposed to be buried in the past along with his arrogant neurosurgeon self. The kind man who has always praised his allies was now gone.

Except... World War Hulk happened. Long story short, Hulk ended up in Sakaar and found a new life after defeating his captor. He married and became king, and he was happy (you can get a very shady glimpse of this story in MCU’s Thor: Ragnarok, but that version is quite family friendly. World War Hulk is far worse). But then, the ship which the Illuminati created to send him into space exploded, killing his wife in the process. Spoiler: it wasn’t the Illuminati. It was Miek, who framed the Illuminati so Hulk would call revenge upon them. Enraged as never seen before, Hulk was truly decided to kill Reed, Tony, Black Bolt and... yes, Stephen.

At first, Stephen tried to reason with him. But Hulk’s hatred was beyond words. Stephen had all his fingers broken, ouch. Imagine his pain, assuming his hands were once injured in the car accident and still hurt from the damage and all the surgeries he has been through...

Now, as you know, Stephen is stubborn as hell. Remember the demon Zom? When everything else failed to stop the Hulk, Stephen finally corrupted his soul and let the demon possess him. Obviously, he lost control and almost harmed innocent people, which was enough for him to be distracted long enough for Hulk to finish him off.

In the end, Hulk discovered the truth behind the explosion and, after a rage outburst, transformed back to Banner. Stephen almost died that day by the hands of his friend. But he didn’t. All that was left from that sad event was guilt. Endless, heavy guilt.

One could arguee that Stephen is out of character. And I would’ve agreed with you, except... Nor time nor actions were good enough to heal Stephen’s heart. It never went away. Never.

The reason why he forfeited the mantle of the Sorcerer Supreme? Because he used Zom’s dark magic and hurt Bruce deeply. And that affected him on so many levels that he didn’t find himself worthy anymore.

From New Avengers v1 Annual #2 (2008).

It didn’t stop there. He tried time and time again. He was never able to find the proper words to apologize because he knows words will never heal the pain he inflicted on his friend.

These thoughts are Stephen’s. “Two words I’ll repeat for the rest of my days. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” (From Incredible Hulks #618)

And poor Stephen even goes and tries to compensate his lack of expertise when it comes to interpersonal relationships, projecting his relationship with Hulk into, well, another Hulk. He’s so afraid of making the same mistakes he doesn’t even know where the line is drawn.

From Weapon H #2 (2018).

As I said, it will never go away. And Stephen knows it.

From Defenders v4 #1 (2011).

The point is, people make mistakes. And sometimes these mistakes are just too painful to be erased. Stephen strongly believes he’ll never be forgiven, which is quite sad because this sin will always be a source of guilt for him. Whether or not Hulk forgives Stephen in the future, it will always remain a burden.

Personally, I believe that blaming himself for what happened to Hulk is even worse than blaming himself for Clea’s departure. Because, see, Clea has forgiven Stephen over the years. They still love each other and, once you ignore Fearless Defenders, there’s no sin. They both agreed to take separate ways, even though their love still existed.

But Hulk? It’s a story about betrayal between friends. It’s quite cruel and sad for both sides. I can only hope that, someday, a writer will make it up for them. They deserve another chance. And, as unreliable as I am, all I want to see is a happy Stephen.

[modelcitizemag]

John  Corsa 

John  Corsa dancecorsa@gmail.com @Johncorsadanceart  http://www.johncorsa.com Country United States State / Region California Model John, please tell us your talent/work rate per hour? 150.00

ABOUT I studied dance at the university of the arts in Philadelphia I went on the dance for MOMIX, Twyla Tharp's Movin Out (principle role Tony) a tour Broadway musical, Parsons Dance, and DIAVOLO. I am an artist creative director, choreographer and model. I have toured the world over taught internationally and at universities across the United States. I was recently featured in the Stevie Wonder Tribute with Rufus Wainwright directed by Andrew Ondrejcak premiered in Los Anglese at Heaven, the Art of Elysium's gala honoring Stevie Wonder, featured in Rolling Stone Magazine.  I am a creative director, artist, dancer, and model. I combine the worlds of Art, Dance and Fashion to provide unique worlds that inspire beauty and esthetic awareness in multi faceted formats. My work has been exhibited in galleries in LA and online. It is my goal to create artistic worlds that promote the art of dance and inspire beauty in the spirit of aesthetics. 

Our readers would love to get to know you more John. Tell us about yourself, what is unique about you?

I am an artist that believes in expression, beauty love and healing.  I am not only a creative director model and artist, but I also help and heal through several different healing modalities, crystal healing, Qi gong and healing and healing techniques passed down by my mother. I am in love with feeling and creative expression environmental activism, and love as a state of being not just an emotional expression. 

John, what are your passion and aspiration in life? How did you start as a Model?

I started out performing as a dancer for 15years and modeled here and there, as I explored my creative desires I connected dance art and dance photography being an athletic model using my dance training to create a different kind of jump shot and artistic expression to create unique editorials that bring visual artistic " Other Worlds" through the combination of photography art and dance. 

Who is your inspiration in life John? How do you keep inspired?

I'm inspired by fearless artists and leaders such as Arthur Rimbaud (a famous french poet), Martha Graham (mother of modern dance) Eve St. Laurent (infamous designer), Frank Fools Crow ( ceremonial chief of the Teton Sioux), Leonardo Da Vinci, and Reinaldo Arenas (Cuban poet and novelist) to name a few. I am inspired by my mother's blood mother and step mother because of their love of nature, art and spirit they both taught me in different ways how feelings connect you to the land and nature. Allowing for a deep connection to the feeling of peace that can be inspired by any natural environment. I'm also inspired by healing and the tenacity of the human spirit those individuals that strive for inner freedom and awareness through inner healing. 

We all make mistakes John, we wish we could take back. Please tell us about time being a Model, you wish you’d handled a situation differently with a colleague. I've had a few instances where my pursuit for perfection has made me momentarily forget to be loving and kind to myself and others mainly myself the pressure the dance and modelling industry can put on an artist can be hard, and the saddest ramification of that is self-doubt or self-hatred. As I've grown older, I see how much I tortured myself in the belief that I wasn't worthy or that I wasn't good enough this is the worst kind of cruelty one can put upon themselves. 

John  , when you’re working with a large number of clients, it’s tricky to deliver excellent service to them all. As a Model, how do you go about prioritizing your clients’ needs?

I am a very creative person so weather it is modeling, creative direction, choreographing or dancing I usually take a moment to sit in silence and then tend to explode with creative ideas letting myself remember the vast diversity I have inside myself to be anything and everything weather it is coming up with a specific creative idea, dance step or becoming a different persona or being it helps me to remember I am not me I'm whatever I want to be when working with clients or creating my art or working with a director or client I try to leave my egoic reactions at the door and be true to the moment. I usually realize there are infinite options that support an endeavour. 

Please tell us John, about a time you had to be very strategic to meet all your top priorities as a Model?

I think that the hardest time I've had was actually as a dancer then a model dancing demands a certain athletism that is almost overwhelming at times through sickness, injury and emotional turmoil you have to perform and then wake up and take class early in the morning, touring extensively can be very hard on the body I'd say dancing with the rigorous schedule demands off a 14 month tour was the hardest experience of my life.  The modeling world is very difficult because of the harsh realities of the industry, but it is very similar in the dance world they critic everything you do all the time that gave me a strong skin and resiliency that helped me navigate harsh environments and demanding clients and directors. 

John, please give us an example of a time when you were able to successfully persuade someone to see things your way at work. Most of the time I just try as many different things as I can to get what a client is looking for as an artist first and foremost I love being creative, and I have been told that I have endless ideas and even too much hahaha but that has helped me like I said I try and keep my ego at the door being flexible and mutable has helped me get the desired result that is wanted from a client or director, of course, being who you are is best " take yourself on through a journey of who you are discovering moment to moment a new version of you that maybe lay dormant inside waiting to be discovered." 

John, please tell us about your proudest professional accomplishment as a Model. There might be many, but there is always this proudest moment that you just want to share with everyone. What is it and why? My proudest moment as a model would have to be my experience dancing with Rufus Wainwright in the video tribute to Stevie Wonder because we were dancing in hard conditions and we had terrible blisters on our feet Rufus and I, I remember limping on to the set because we were dancing in designer shoes and the pain was extreme and even with all the pressures on set and the physical distractions I was able to feel love for Rufus my role being his love interest, I think if you aren't truly feeling the emotions the shot or video or performance doesn't really read or work and the audience the viewer watching the performance or looking at your image in the magazine won't really feel anything and that is possibly the worst thing you can do as an artist, performer or model. 

John, please give us an example of a time you were able to be creative with your work. What was exciting or difficult about it? I tend to be very creative and sometimes it can be too much hahaha I have so many ideas and some much energy that it can be challenging to choose what to go with or which one to choose first but I'd have to say the most enjoyment I've gotten from my work in the world is from being so creative I have to funnel it into many different experiences modeling, dancing, creative directing, choreographing, drawing writing poetry it's not that I am amazing at all of these it's that I have learned when your creativity asks you to go there that you listen because it's not really yours it's your job to be open to it to let the flow happen because creativity is something that comes through you not something that you necessarily own or that is yours you are just the funnel the energy comes through.  This concept has helped me create and move on in a way to create again and again. 

What advice would you give to the people who want to be successful as a Model?

I'd say whatever you do give it your all and don't listen to negativity don't all your mind to someone else's opinion of you if they don't like you go where you are liked if you take on criticism you run the risk of being far to sensitive I have had troubles with this in my life and profession in the past the sooner you let people be who they are and don't mind anyone else opinion work hard and be you the more successful you will be in anything 

Are you looking for collaboration with fashion talents, brands and creatives? If yes, please state below what type of collaboration you are looking for? Yes I'd love to collaborate with brands, fashion talents and creatives through modeling, athletic modeling Dance art, creative directing I love merging art, dance and fashion being this fusion of things I have together to create beauty and unique worlds that people can see and feel. Inspiring beauty in the world 

Now for the best part John! Please upload 5-10 photos so we can get to see your work. Photo Credits: Robert Mann @robert.mannstudio Brenda Cantu @brendshot 

[shawnjacksonsbs]

The meaning of life is love, and still, I search for the significance of beauty in the beauty.     7-19-20

"At the center of the Universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything that we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service." - Mr. Fred Rogers

Is there some rule that says I can't write, and post, 3 entries in one weekend? Oh, that's right, my fucking blog, my fucking rules. lol Have you ever seen, if even from a distance when a person gets caught in some awe-inspiring moment, or when they notice or find a beautiful something or someone? That light that they put off that can be just as beautiful, sometimes more so, than whatever it is that's caught their attention? I know that it happens with parents to children quite a bit. Or just watching the one you love watching what they love. Their joy can fill our hearts right up. To say that there is beauty in a beautiful moment sounds redundant but we all know that it doesn't have to be. Do I believe Mr. Rogers was more concerned with who believed like him, or that loving those in spite of those differences was more important? Seems ridiculously obvious to me. I should note that "Mr. Rogers rarely spoke about his faith on air; he believed that teaching through example was as powerful as preaching." That said "as powerful". That's significant. I don't have to believe in prayer to find beauty in it. To know that those that do believe in it, believe in it no matter what, and generally do so in a search for comfort, for others as well as themselves. I'm trying to learn how to find that beauty in the bulk of our differences. Coexisting should be more out of love and a sense of mutual respect for each other than it is out of tolerating each other's existence. I can't dismiss out of hand, all the good decent memories I have from going to church as a kid. Or of the good decent church people from the same time period of my life. I don't have to believe in any of it now, for parts of, or people of, to mean something to me. As a kid, I never felt like the church people I knew had any side agendas for being nice to me or wanting me involved with the church or community, except for maybe them wanting my soul saved, which if you didn't or don't believe as I do, is absolutely still a good, loving thing. Even when people pray for me to have peace, the prayer means more to them, but the compassion their showing means more to me by far. That's all I need take from each experience now. That side, for me, holds all the beauty and love. And luckily, standing up to radical extremists doesn't have to lay dormant while it takes place. I get to stand on that always, and/or stand up to those who claim religious domination over, well anyone. That's where my line is drawn, a very hard drawn line. I have the right to feel that most of all parts of every religion are exaggerated or entirely ridiculous, and still, accept those in my heart that subscribe to any of them. It's up to me, and it's based on those people specifically, their beliefs, and even more so, their actions in the world. Trying to grade on the curve, and limiting the same, but loving through it all, is going to be a lifetime process. And even if I knew in advance that it will take me that long, then I'm still signing up for it. My life is already better because of it, even if no one else follows my lead. I know there are already more people like me out there in the world, that came before me. Getting behind this with every fiber of my being is the change I want to see in the world. Some of us were meant to feel a deeper purpose than just constantly being an "opposition" to someone else. My legacy will not be the latter. Although it is part of who I am, it does not define me as a whole. Get a chance to meet me in person, and you tell me if it feels fake. My heart was turned around in real life, and hopefully for good. It's so awesome over here on this side too. If you're not already here and understanding, and you make it here one day, then you'll get the true definition of gratitude. Another thing is that all of the things I've said about how the major religions of the world have caused more damage, and done more harm than good in our world and throughout our history is absolutely still true too. The largest percentage of the religious today though, don't carry those twisted up extreme views. Most of them are decent caring people who try to share love and want for peace to be a thing. Not all, but most. I mean how many do you know that truly don't? Those who think their doctrines or leaders want them to not accept some people are lost, naive. Their milder hate is still hate, and it's very unfortunate, but that's why we are here to be examples to those willing to watch us walk each other home, and watch us, together, standing up to the rest, which usually goes without conflict. Again, not always but a lot. Those who think gay people (one of many examples) are sin, or abominations, or whatever, in their willful ignorance give the rest of us so many things. Like those of you who pray, should pray for them, those of us who fight against those evils know specifically who the enemy is, and they are shining examples of how not to be. And yes, I said willful ignorance, because a decision in bad faith to avoid becoming informed about something so as to avoid having to make undesirable decisions that such information might prompt, is exactly how that works. It also doesn't take away from the fact that I will try and love them through it. Through standing up to them, through fighting them, through whatever I have to do from my side to keep them in check, or at the very least from harming anyone. Loving through boundaries is a very real approach. Ignoring people like this only works for so long, as history has proved repeatedly. I can love you, and still fight you over how treat others. It's my new life mission to do just that. None of this means that loving every person is realistic either. There are some unfortunates that will make it very hard, maybe even impossible, but I will try until it's no longer an option. For most of the people we know though, I doubt it ever gets to that extreme, which is the whole reason behind this newer approach for me. Because it's not most of them that we know. All of us are trying to know where we draw our line, and how much more we can go to, and through. I'd be willing to bet that we can go a little further than it feels like we can. Just ask yourself how much do you love them, your grandma or my grandma, with the level of ignorance or hatred that they spew, if any. I know its different for everyone. Need it to be more specific? If you don't love (insert name here), do you believe that you are lacking or do you believe that they are?? Honest from the heart answers only please, and then keep them to yourself. lol Trying to sell everyone else on shared beauty should be way easier too. It can be overwhelming and contending at the same time. I believe it's worth it, even if I have to take breaks from the mission on occasion so that I never have to give in. It's that important a message of the heart that I need those in my life to see me never give up on, like ever!!! If I could go back in time and dismantle every major religion at its building blocks before it ever had a chance to take off, would I? I don't know, maybe, maybe not. [Oh think of all the possible scientific advancements we might have made without the Dark Ages, the Christian Crusades, or the never ending wars that have plagued the middle east since the dawn of time. But I will concede that for now, as its completely off point. Completely off point (. . . . . ) to signify that I gave pause ( . . . . ) as to whether or not I should just omit that last part.] I, obviously, decided against deleting it because the way my train of thought goes generally coincides with how I feel in my heart. My believing that my belief shouldn't do any more or any less to anyone else's beliefs as yours shouldn't mine is more relative to this entry than not. It needs to be both ways. What I do know is that I still believe that, for most, Islam is still the religion of peace, and that most of the followers of Jesus Christ understand his message of love, that "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.", is more important than any other commandment. Going back in time isn't a viable option anyway, lol, so then learning to love those who love differently than we do should be the most pressing goal for the whole collective of humanity. That's all religions are anyway, for the most part, learning to love those who might love differently than we do. My writing is my meditation, my posting it is how I pray. Its all love. Until. . . the next time I feel inspired to write; "Prayer means different things to different people, but what I found, is that sometimes just taking the time to ask, it can help bring peace. I don’t expect everything I pray for to be answered, but sometimes just taking the time to ask is comforting in and of itself. . . . Does that comfort come from a spiritual force or from within? If you're able to find inner peace, it doesn't really matter." - Zac Efron from Down to Earth