#sometimes it could just be me projecting since this is kind of an overly particular one (and I'm biased)

[liketwoswansinbalance]

Trial run prompt thing: Does anyone get what I mean (in the way that I'm describing it or similarly) or does this sound strange?

It's nice to see someone articulate this actually, hence the fact that is is a reblog, of course.

(The thoughts of substance are in the tags, this time.)

does anyone feel the layer of plexiglass between themselves and the rest of the world or is that just a me thing

[lilyofthesword-writes]

The Intern (Loki Oneshot)

Summary: Loki takes an interest in the latest of a long line of Stark’s interns.

Pairing: Loki x Reader (Can be read as platonic, if preferred)

Word Count: 2,809

Disclaimers/Warnings: None. Just a bit of fluff.

A/N: This wound up turning into something entirely different from the original concept. Just kinda went with what felt right. Also trying desperately to remember working with an Arduino board to make this at least semi-accurate.

Masterlist

Loki traipsed aimlessly through the Tower, his overly-friendly insomnia having kept him up past four in the morning again. Nothing seemed to help him sleep and he constantly grew bored laying around in his room waiting for exhaustion to overtake him. Wandering about seemed as good as anything. Sometimes he would come across something interesting. It seems now would be that time.

He rounded the corner and found himself gazing through the wall-length windows of Tony Stark’s lab. The armor-less Iron Man was passed out in a chair, head haphazardly lolling on a table. Usually, he was still working and would be until at least seven a.m. before Pepper would literally drag him to bed.

Movement at the other end of the room caught his eye. There you were, pulling a blanket out of the cupboard. You crossed the lab and placed the well-used cloth over Stark’s shoulders before returning to your work. Sliding your safety glasses on, you put all your focus into soldering some wires to a board.

What in the nine realms were you doing here at this hour? The sun hadn’t even reached the horizon yet. None of his previous interns ever started their days before nine. Albeit, they had barely lasted a week while you broke a record at just over a month, but the point still stood. Why were you here?

“Are you just going to stand there like a creeper, Loki, or are you going to come in and hang out?” you called out, not even bothering to tear your eyes away from the wiring.

Well, this excursion could prove to be interesting. Loki slithered through the doorway to stand opposite of you at your table.

“So what are you doing up this early?” you murmured. If it weren’t for you glancing up at him, someone may have thought it was more of a question for yourself.

Loki huffed a laugh. “I could ask you the same question.”

That elicited a quirky smile from you. “Woke up way before my alarm and couldn’t fall back asleep. Figured I’d start my day early.” You gestured toward Stark with the soldering iron. “This one over here is pretty lenient on the hours.”

“I would hope so,” Loki chuckled, “considering his own schedule.”

“A schedule that consists of planned energy drink breaks. Definitely one of the more interesting employers out there.”

“I suppose you could say that,” he mumbled, leaning heavily on his forearms propped on the table.

You set down the soldering iron in its stand and shut if off. “So I answered your question. How about you?”

“I simply could not sleep,” he nonchalantly replied.

“Hmm...” you hummed. “Lemme guess. A member of Insomniacs Anonymous?”

His chuckle reverberated through the room. This was probably one of the reasons Stark kept you around. You certainly had a particular snarky confident air about you.

Yet the corners of your mouth suddenly hung low and your brow scrunched together. “It’s more than that, isn’t it?”

“Pardon?” He was confused at your change in demeanor.

“It’s not as simple as you couldn’t sleep. There’s more to it.”

Loki’s lips parted in astonishment. Here you were in your first true encounter with him and you read him like an open book. What had you been told?

“I won’t make you say anything.” You held your hands up in a placating manner. “You probably don’t want to, and that’s okay. However.” You grabbed the notepad next to you and scribbled something on it, ripping off the paper and sliding it towards him. “If you’re ever bored and I’m not here, you can text me. I’ll probably answer.”

He reluctantly took the note that had your number written on it. “I cannot say I am very adept with these cellular devices.”

“Pretty sure you’re clever enough to figure it out,” you grinned like the Cheshire Cat. “But seriously, no pressure. The offer is always out there.”

“Wha?!” Stark snorted himself awake, his eyes shooting around wildly. “Rudolf? What’re you doing here?” He eyed Loki suspiciously. “You’re not going to scare away my intern, are you? That’s my job.”

You laughed, keeping Loki from spitting a venomous retort. “Good luck with that. You’ll have to try a lot harder if that’s what you’re going for, Stark.”

“Obviously. You haven’t run off yet. I’m surprised.” He took the blanket that was wrapped around him and began folding it. “Pleasantly surprised.”

“Sure, sure!” You waved him off.

Stark looked at his watch and swiped a hand through his purposely messy bed head. “It’s that time already. I better get breakfast before Pepper finds me... Alright!” He clapped. “Both of you, let’s go! Time for grub!”

Loki’s eyebrows shot up across his forehead. Was Stark actually having him join the two of you for breakfast?

“Yes, you too, Reindeer Games! One, I don’t want you in the lab alone.” That earned him Loki’s scowl. “Two, you seem to be behaving, so why not have you eat with us.”

You nudged Stark’s arm while shooting Loki an inconspicuous wink. “Awww, look at you! Already getting into Dad Mode and little Morgan hasn’t even entered the world yet.”

He nudged you back. “Yeah, yeah, yeah! Now come on. I’m starving!”

You continued to tease him as you followed him out of the lab with Loki close behind.

Loki lay in bed a few nights later, lost in thought. He could not get you out of his head. You had spoken with him like you would anyone else, deflected and stood up for him despite hardly knowing him. In the few years since he had been thrown to Midgard as punishment, Thor was the only one to show him a sliver of kindness, but even he held some hesitation. You did not. Your earlier interaction was genuine. He wasn’t sure what to make of it all.

In his perpetual deliberation, he had avoided the lab since that morning. Not that he didn’t like you. It was the uncertainty that kept him away, but that wouldn’t last much longer.

His phone settled lax in his hand, your name illuminating the screen. You had been right about him being able to learn how to text. Now it was a matter of completing the action. Tossing the phone to his other hand, he glared at the bright screen. His message had already been written. All he had to do was select “Send”. The clock at the top of the screen read two a.m. Surely, you would be asleep... But what if you weren’t?

With a huff, he pinched his eyes shut and hit the button, the swooshing sound seemingly echoing off the walls. The following silence was deafening. Luckily for him, the reply swoosh fell inline shortly after.

You: Hey, Loki. Can’t sleep?

Loki: How did you know who this was without me saying?

You: I can’t think of anyone else who would text me at this hour. ;)

Loki: I apologize if I woke you.

You: Nah. Already up. Trouble staying asleep. So what’re you up to?

Loki: Texting you.

You: Other than that, Mischief

Loki: Thinking.

You: Yeah? About what?

Loki: Possibly meandering through the Tower, again.

You: Liar ;)

Loki: Pardon?

You: You were obviously thinking about me.

Loki: What makes you say that?

You: You had to be. At least in the context that it would be better to text me than exploring.

Loki: Fair enough. Now, how do you know I am not planning to choose both?

You: You got me there.

—

Loki met you at the lab later that morning. The familiar sight of Stark was passed out, snuggling his face to a countertop, greeted you both.

Shaking your head, you huffed a laugh as you passed through the doorway. “Can’t really reprimand him when my sleep schedule is just as bad.”

Loki’s lips curled into a light smirk but didn’t speak a word lest Stark awaken and force him to leave. Despite your two hour texting session, he had been looking forward to joining you here.

“Thanks for meeting me here, by the way,” you called out to him as still stood just at the edge of the lab. “A little company while working is kind of nice. Gets too quiet when Stark finally shuts down.”

Taking a seat across from you, Loki quirks an eyebrow. “Would that not be considered a blessing?”

You stifled a chuckle as you flipped on the soldering iron and pulled out what roughly looked like a vambrace. The board you had been working on previously was molded to the shape. “If that happened by the end of my workday, yes. This early in the morning? Not so much. It’s boring if not a little eerie.”

“I see... So I am only here for your entertainment,” he feigned offense.

You gasped dramatically, “Me? Never!”

Laughing with you, Loki made himself a bit more comfortable as he watched you work. At the moment, you were adding tiny capacitors and securing them into place.

“If I may, what are you trying to accomplish?”

“Well,” you started, glancing up at him. “It’s a new piece of armor. Other than that, I technically shouldn’t say much else.”

“Right... Classified information?”

There was a twinkle of mischief in your eyes as you looked at him again. “It is a secret, but nothing quite as official as that.”

Loki leaned across the tabletop, supporting his chin in his hand. “So there is no harm in you revealing your project,” he tested.

“Harm? No. However, there will be disappointment on my end if you figure it out.”

“I accept this challenge,” he grinned playfully.

You smirked back,“As you wish, Mischief. I won’t make this easy for you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Darling.”

The next several weeks chaotically blurred together. At first, you allowed Loki to observe your project as you worked on it. Once the vambrace began to take on a more unique form, you were hiding it in the mornings, opting to take on a different assignment when he was in the room. The design was strikingly Asgardian, leading him to believe the new armor was for Thor. He just needed to figure out what it did. He spoke with his brother on multiple occasions but was unable to glean anything from him. Either he had no clue or suddenly learned to lie well enough to fool Loki, the latter highly doubtful.

Apart from politely harassing you via text, Loki took to locating your hiding spots, something that proved difficult when the lab was almost always occupied by you, Stark or Banner at varying times. Stark was helping you keep this little secret, a sparkle in his eyes whenever he shooed Loki from the room when he was caught investigating. Even Banner was in on it, albeit reluctantly.

Then there was that Doctor Strange who was showing up every few days, joining you all in the lab much to Loki’s chagrin. By that point, Stark had banned him from the entire floor. The project must have been coming to a close if you all were trying to cover it up so desperately. But why Strange? Was he imbuing the vambrace with magic to protect Thor better? (Not that he really needed it.) His curiosity was certainly getting the better of him, going so far as to shape-shift as one of you three when Strange wasn’t around to get into the room. Somehow, Friday always knew and alerted the lab’s occupants who would send him back to the elevator.

It was early one morning as he was perusing the contents of the shared kitchen that you initiated contact with him. He was surprised since he had been the one to text you first lately to see if you would spill your secret.

You: Hey. Can you stop by the lab?

Loki: Oh? I thought I was banned.

You: Lifted as of a few minutes ago. So?

Loki: I suppose I might be able to grace you with my presence.

You: So kind of you, my King ;)

His heart skipped a beat at you calling him “your King”. You only used it in a teasing fashion when he was acting high and mighty. Even then, it still flustered him.

Loki made his way to the elevator, deeming it a bit devious to take the long way to the lab. You had made him wait all this time. It was your turn.

The doors reopened on the lab floor, revealing that his ploy to annoy had worked. You were leaned against the wall next to the elevator, waiting for his arrival.

“Finally! Come on!”

You audaciously grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the room with an impatient grin. Stopping him near your normal workstation, you demanded he close his eyes.

“Excuse me?” he responded incredulously, ripping his arm from your grasp.

“Please, Loki...” Your pleading eyes grew larger as you pouted at him.

Stark groaned, “Just do it, Reindeer Games, or I’ll cover them for you.”

Loki’s lips reared into a snarl as he glared at the billionaire before relenting and clenching his eyelids shut. Norns, how he hated those nicknames.

“Okay!” Excitement laced your voice. “Would you hold up your dominant hand?”

“Making more demands, Darling?”

“I did ask nicely this time.”

“That you did,” he chuckled a complied, holding out a hand.

“Perfect!”

He felt a metallic weight placed on his forearm before it was clasped together with a comfortable tightness.

“Okay. You can look now!”

The sight of the vambrace on his arm left Loki’s mouth agape. The main black of the piece was lined with gold Asgardian knot designs with runes placed in a handful of the empty spaces. Near his wrist, an artificial emerald was embedded in the armor. If he had to be completely honest, the aesthetics could rival much of the armor back home.

“Well, Kid. It looks like you rendered him speechless.” Stark nudged your arm.

Loki’s gaze shot up to the two of you. Stark was leaning against the workstation while you had hoisted yourself to sit atop it, nothing but grins on either of your faces.

“What is this-”

You cut him off, “It’s for you. We noticed after some of your missions where you had to use your seiðr more than usual, you’d end up exhausted before getting back to the Quinjet. The new armor should help with that. It’s supposed to amplify your magic without draining you.”

Stark shoved you lightheartedly, again. “The kid noticed. Told ‘em if they could come up with something that could work, I’d give whatever resources needed for the project.”

“So what do you think? I mean we still need to undergo more testing and calibrations before you can use it in the field, but-”

“You made this?” Loki locked barely tearing eyes with you. “For me?”

“Yup! Kid designed the whole thing!” Stark kept you from answering. “Minus the bits we had to bring Strange in for the wizard-y things, this was a solo run. Did a pretty good job. Not sure I could have done much better.”

“Stark...” you grumbled, clearly not used to the praise.

“This is...” Loki tore his gaze away back to the vambrace. “I don’t... I don’t know what to say.” His voice was just loud enough for you to hear.

“A ‘thank you’ would be a good start. Now maybe this little intern will get more sleep,” Stark blundered before checking his watch. “Well, it’s about time for my morning scolding. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me!”

With that he whisked himself out of the room and to the elevator, leaving you and Loki in a terribly awkward silence.

“Hey...” you started. “If you don’t like it, we can scrap the design. It’s not a big deal-”

“Thank you.” His pupils were filled with a sincere gratefulness that few had ever seen before. “This is... This is simply splendid.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that?”

Loki spun on his heel to fully face you, his hands coming to rest on the countertop on either side of you. “I mean it, Darling. This... No one has ever done something like this for me before. I would be honored to be your test subject,” he ended with a smirk.

“Well, if that’s the case,” you grinned right back at him, “I’d say let’s get some breakfast first. There will be plenty of time to optimize the vambrace later.”

Pulling back enough to release you from his cage of arms, he gestured for you to lead the way. “After you,” he breathed.

Hopping down from the table, you held out a hand for him. Hesitantly, Loki took it while running a thumb over your knuckles as you pulled him to the elevator with you.

[twiceasfrustrating]

Anime Night

Rating: Teen and Up

Category: F/M

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Relationship: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Main Character, Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Main Character, Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Main Character, Belphagor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Main Character

Characters: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphagor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Reader, Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)

Additional Tags: Kissing, handholding, fluff, Mammon being slightly possessive (but not overly so)

Summary: You just want to enjoy a good ol' traditional anime night, but sometimes your boyfriends can be distracting idiots.

Word Count: 1508

Anime night was one of your favorite traditions. It started as an excuse for Levi to show you all of his favorite anime for the Devildom, but you also got to show off some of your own choices from the human realm. It was like your own little otaku binge night masquerading as some kind of cultural exchange. Along the way, however, you had managed to pick up a few other members for your little anime club. Mammon joined after he was introduced to TSL in your very first weeks in the Devildom; Beel joined because he liked spending time with his family and there was always an excess of snacks; Belphie was there to be with you and Beel; Satan would sometimes join if the anime for the night was based on a novel he liked (note: novel, not comic or manga); Lucifer refused to join, usually siting that he still had work to do; and Asmo was banned after a certain incident that you promised to never mention again.

Tonight, it was the usual five members gathered in the large common room (which was the new space after Levi's room proved not to be the best place to hold an entire family of screaming anime fans). Although, it felt more like four since Belphegor had already fallen asleep and was leaning against his twin, pillow cradled against his chest. You had taken your usual spot in the arrangement, sitting in the middle and zealously guarding your small bowl of popcorn from Beel. Speaking of, that particular brother was sitting on the ground, leaning back against you legs and currently ravishing his ninth serving of popcorn. Levi was to your right, eating a box of pocky as he tried get into the right mindset for an anime. Mammon on your left, ignoring his own snacks at the moment, completely engrossed in the scene on screen.

"EHHH! No way!" Mammon was apparently the only one that hadn't figured out the twist yet, so he had to voice his surprise. Even so, you wished he wouldn't voice it so loudly. You could feel your left ear ringing.

"They all but said it two episodes ago." You snickered at his innocent reaction. It was like he enjoyed letting the anime explain everything for him and unraveling it at the exact pace the show wanted.

"Really? When did you figure it out then?" He challenged your deduction skills.

"About six episodes back." You stick your tongue out at him. He should have known better than to question how quickly you caught onto the little hints the anime had been dropping.

"I noticed it two episodes ago." Beel added in between fists full of popcorn.

"The first time I saw this, I figured it out at around episode three." Levi chimed in.

You had to question that statement though,"Didn't you read the manga this is based on?"

His purple hair covered his eyes almost completely as he looked toward the ground in shame, "They changed that part when they adapted it, so it still counts."

"No way! Ya don't get to brag about that one." Mammon put a pout on his face and turned back to the show without another word.

You smiled softly at him, your face illuminated only by the glow of the projection in front of you all. The colors of the screen danced across your skin as you leaned over and gently placed a kiss against his cheek, "Don't pout. It was cute when you figured it out." His enthusiasm was endearing and certainly one of your favorite traits of his.

Mammon froze when he felt your lips against his face, only turning to look at you when he fully processed what you had just done. As he looked at your dimly lit face, he leaned in and returned the kiss, this time against your lips. With some force, he places his hands on your hips and pulls you closer until your shoulder touches his side.

"Mammon!" You whine against him, knowing the pure hell he has just unleashed. You try to wiggle back to your original spot, but his arm is still wrapped around your waist and he refuses to release you.

He leans his head against your shoulder, burying his face into you, "Mine." Of course this is the time he would pick to get greedy and try to monopolize you. You sigh, just waiting for the inevitable.

"Hey!" And there it was. Levi was no longer paying attention to the screen, instead focusing on you and your current placement in the group, "You don't get to hog them!"

"We're supposed to share, Mammon..." Beel added in, since the second-born pulling you from your spot caused your legs to shift away from him. He already missed you, even though you were in the same room.

The avatar of greed's grip on you tightened, "Get yer own human."

You roll your eyes, "Can someone pause the show if you're going to fight? I actually want to watch this." You say, but you are pretty sure Levi isn't concerned about that at the moment.

"M A M M O N!" Levi is nowhere near as intimidating as Lucifer when he says his older brother's name, but you still feel the chill running down your spine.

You have to stop him before something terrible actually happens, "Alright. Human in the way. Please don't summon Lotan." You have no interest in dealing with that issue again. One time was enough to last your entire life, "Levi, move over here. Beel you skosh over too." Both of them do so, Beel making sure to wake up Belphie so he knows they are moving closer to you. The younger of the two looks mildly disgruntled that he was woken up, but gets over it quickly since he would prefer to be with you than not.

Mammon made a very obvious noise of displeasure when the others join you both, to which you place a hand against his face and give him another kiss on the lips, "You did this to yourself."

"Do we all get one of those too?" It was the first thing Belphie had said all night since the marathon had started.

You feel a small blush cross your face. You really should have seen that coming, "Right now?"

The look the other brothers that hadn't gotten a sign of affection yet clearly said yes, right now.

You sigh, "Fine."  You give Mammon a side-eye that tells him that he has to let go now and you won't accept any backtalk.

He grumbles something in a language you don't recognize as he lets go of you, getting a response from Belphie in the same tongue. They always did that when they didn't want you to understand what they were saying and it made you feel a little left out.

But that was an issue for a different day. For now, you had to play fair and show how much you loved each of your boyfriends. You started with Levi since he was next to you on the couch, feeling how nervous and uncertain his kisses were, even after all this time. It was adorable in its own way. Next was Beel, who was always willing to show off that his status as the personification of gluttony didn't just apply to food. His kisses were full of a kind of hunger that made you feel weak every time, forcing you to pull away before he decided to eat you alive (metaphorically of course). Last was Belphie, who was surprisingly gentle with his affection. His kisses were not delicate, but they matched his lazy nature in a way you couldn't explain. They made you want to give in to him and let him take control of everything, but now was not the time for that.

You pulled away from him, giving him a warning glare because you knew exactly what he was trying to do. He shrugged and went back to his sleeping spot against Beel, except he wasn't falling back asleep. You followed suit and leaned back into your new spot on the couch, feeling Mammon's arm curl back around your waist and Levi's hand reach over to hold your own. Beel had found his comfortable spot against your legs again, but this time he sat in just a way so that Belphie could also have some contact with you. You loved these idiots of yours, but you wished they could learn to share your time.

You looked over at Levi, "Can we rewind? I missed how the last episode ended." Since they insisted on distracting you.

"Oh yeah," He used his free hand to grab the remote and skip back to where they revealed the big twist.

Belphie stared at the screen, seeming to remain neutral when the twist was revealed for the second time, "Oh. I was wondering when they would finally reveal that." He had figured it out after seeing the cover art on the DVD box.

[stellaestra]

how would stray kids interact with mc in high school if they ever met? // high school au headcanons [stray kids/reader]

pairing: skz hyung line + mc [reader]

description: who would mc interact with in high school if they ever met? what kind of interactions would they have? // bulletpoints headcanons + small snippets

genre: platonic, high school au, friendship, humour, hurt/comfort

author’s note: this could be a stand alone or not, the mc is the same bodyguard/intern au!mc...it's just a "what ifs" kinda thing, fellas

p.s. some of the scenarios are based off real life events that happened to me in high school but i overly exaggerated some of them for the shit and giggles,, tell me which event actually happened to me in the askbox lmao I'm curious

pls I'm funny i swear

cw: minor swearing, just teenagers being teenagers, idiots, mention of blood (?) uhh mentions of violence (??)

unedited

// no beta read, we’ll die like men

---

bang chan

mc is a '00 liner,

she doesn't interact with her seniors pt.1

to interact with them; it would have to be a school event or a collab project between the seniors and the juniors

possibly would be approached first by chan during sports day or a school festival for something

he thought that she's a pretty decent track runner when he saw sprint during the sports day track event

after that incident, chan would greet her in the hallways or wherever if he ever comes across her

mc would always awkwardly greet him back

“hey! you’re that really fast track runner, you did great that day!” chan complimented her in the hallways. out loud.

mc prays to whoever above there that chan would stop talking so loud as she could feel her face burn when she felt eyes on her.

cue to her awkwardly smiling at him and nodding, “yep, that’s me, yes, alright, senior chan.”

chan finds her adorable ever since that first few encounters

he also found out that she hangs out with felix just as much as he does

(love rivals (for felix) arc when)

he doesn’t know who to be envious of

that mc gets to spend so much time with lix or

felix being able to spend so much time with her

the never-ending saga

(love rivals (for felix) arc turned into possible rivals to friends arc)

(okay, im joking)

their respective friends group made a running joke

about how chan and mc are love rivals for felix

(it eventually became theirs as well)

(it's funny)

once he made her go off-tangent about felix

she was really passionate about his freckles and smile

for a moment

he really did think that she has a crush on him

no surprises there tho

felix IS absolutely cute

(friends arc?? omg, all for felix, HA)

he really really finds her adorable

he could go on for days

esp her little habit of covering her mouth when she speaks

sweater paws bc he almost always sees her with a jacket on even if it was a hot day

it's like a second skin on her

he once asked her if she ever removes her jacket

“only when im on school ground or during school events like assembly, i’ll take it off, senior chan.”

“eh? don’t you feel warm underneath that during a hot day?”

“...i do remove it sometimes, i guess...but i like wearing it bc it’s comforting.”

one time chan saw her without her jacket and wears short-sleeves uniform, he really wanted to shower her in his affections n also it’s such a rare sight that he almost couldnt recognized her

“haha hey, you didn’t wore your jacket today!”

“they’re in the laundry and...today’s a hot day...unfortunately, haah.”

he once tried to ruffle her hair but found her dodging his hand so fast at breakneck speed

that he was kinda concerned

she told him that her hair hasn't been washed yet so it's dirty

but the thing is: she told him every time he tried to ruffle her hair

“you’re not letting me pat your head on purpose.”

“senior chan, i wouldn’t do such a thing.” he noticed the little teasing smile before it disappeared.

he wondered briefly if she has always been this playful and cheeky with others her age

chan is aware that she speaks formally towards him out of habit though so he lets it slide and let her take her time growing comfortable with him.

he knew she was lying but let's her be anyway

bc she's his cute little junior

---

lee minho

another case of mc's "no seniors juniors interaction"

minho’s very attractive so mc will definitely avoid him at all cost

plus, he looks intimidating to her so bye bye

to not step on any of her classmates' landmines that has the hots for him

drama isn't her thing, she already witness a handful and even got thrown into the fire as fuel before

no thank you she liked having her life in high school as peaceful as possible

mc would make her conversations with him very short n blunt

she's not gonna catch anyone's hands today, my dudes

really, she doesn’t

minho thinks of her like a small kitten that needs to be taken care of

bc of how she always scutters away from chan whenever he’s with him

if they ever interact

it would be when the juniors have the collab with their seniors

like a science fair, where the students have to come up with things to showcase

his class coincidentally collabs with her class for that particular event

he told chan about it and he have never seen chan pout and deflate like that

the only person he does that to is felix...if not, it’s jeongin.

chan sure adores this little junior other than felix huh…

then again, felix and mc does hangout a lot and so does jisung and her

so he took this chance as to know more abt her

coughs because jisung seems to be talking a lot about her coughs

(minho + mc love rivals (for jisung) arc pt. 2 when)

(mc really about to fight 2 seniors because she's stealing their respective juniors huh)

(the never-ending saga of love rivals)

he approached her inside that shared classroom for the collab event

she looked constipated when he approached her group of friends

even more so when he directly asked for name and whatnot

it kinda made him want to tease her even more now

he found out her name and what they were planning to do

heard her cursing under her breath

he decided to join their group on the whim

found out that mc is just a little shy whenever he approached her

her friends are somewhat protective of her

he got glared at by one of them once when he wanted to greet mc in the hallways

and mc kind of hid half of herself behind them

so whenever she’s on her own, he would try to approach her as slowly as possible

like. dealing with a cat and you’re a stranger trying to gain their trust

what he never will forget nor stop teasing her was about

her spinning on her heels to walk into the direction she was previously coming from

just to avoid him

he couldn't help but find it hilarious

he won her over when he brings the topic of cats wandering around their school campus

saw how her eyes lit up brightly

“the stray cats here are fun to play with, right?”

“yeah, me and friends decided to name a few of them too!”

he mentioned it to her because he saw her playing with the cats when she was waiting for someone or when she has time to play with them during recess

and the ramblings of a high schooler about cats commences

he wasn’t bothered about how much she talked

would nod along with what she says

because wow, shes really passionate about cats

that's a huge bonus for minho

and that was how minho adopted another kitten

whenever they weren’t busy with their own things, they would play with the cats together

playdate with cats <3

she would tell him that one particular grey cat was called

“this cat’s name is miss universe! they’re so cute, right?” she picked the cat up and cuddle with it, eyes sparkling with joy

“why did you guys name them that?”

“because why not?”

“fair enough point.”

and she laughs

he was glad that she stopped being so cautious around him if he was being honest

since the way chan was talking about her so affectionately made him really curious about her

casually mentions that jisung talks about her a lot

expected her to be bashful about it

but all she does was

“oh, cool, what did he say? I’m a weeb? Hah, he’s the same as I am” + "he should've said to it my face, senior minho, hmph"

so making her flustered backfired on him

poor minho

here’s your “you tried” star

mwah

so yeah, minho adopted a new cat (his little junior)

---

seo changbin

same case as the two above, unfortunately

if they do ever interact, it's short and pleasantries

mc does kinda find him intimidating to certain extent

she's not good with dealing with intimidating looking people

but when he smiles, her shoulders feel less tense when she interacts with him

thinks of him as a pretty cool senior

he made her listen to his rap once n she told him that he's so cool n that stuck with him for days

imagine a junior telling you that you're so cool with that starry-eyed expression

your ego would go off the rooftop

after that, changbin would make it out of his way to greet her in the hallways

RAP MUSIC BUDDIES???? POTENTIAL

pat her on the head occasionally

if she doesn't dodge like hell away from his hands

“why do you keep avoiding them”

“no, don’t pat me, you’re treating me like a cat”

“I’m not?” lies, ever since minho told him that she reminds him of a cat, he really thought about it more

“you have that same look minho gives me when he tries to pat me…hyung…”

“we’re really going to make you call us oppa one day, watch us”

“um, yeah, no.”

“let your cute senior pat your head!!”

“im gonna run away!”

he knows that the younger ones in their friend group do interact with her

esp felix and jisung

for innie’s circumstances, that’s different

she does comes to him every once in awhile to abuse her title of his cute little junior to get a chance to listen to a teaser of his raps or songs he composes

found out that she does like rap songs! a lot more than he thought

they became those friends who shares new songs they found out and share it with each other

even at ungodly hours like 2am in the morning

that would not stop them

“this song reminds me of you”

“hey hey hey listen to this, psst”

“This shit SLAPS, go listen or else im gonna fight you in the school hallway, coward”

he became smug about it and boast about his knowledge to 3racha

jisung complained that he thought she only listened to anime songs or soft indie songs because he saw her playlists before

changbin told them that she has other playlists that’s for more “intense and aggressive” songs

they were floored and the conversation starts like this,

“what do you mean she likes listening to yours and ours music and raps?”

“im not kidding, she does! she even showed me her playlists that were filled with rap, rock and metal songs!!”

“my little mc? likes those songs? are you sure you’re not dreaming?”

“it’s a public playlist, i even followed her playlists”

“If you’re wrong, hyung, im really gonna fight you on this! bc I KNOW her first”

“doesn’t mean that you know her BETTER”

lots of petty bickerings

chan and jisung has a big revelation about mc that day at school

(there goes mc’s little rep within their group of friends)

he did warned them to not tell her that he told them about it and

that they actually are aware of her music taste

or else

she tried to rap really fast one time, trying to rap like how he does

he had to witness her biting her tongue live

changbin would never think someone like her would have

such a vulgar language

every profanity he knows came out of her mouth

he quickly got her something to soothe her wounded tongue

after fretting over her though, he started teasing her

relentlessly

she threatened to sue him

"I'll sue you"

"with what money?"

"my 2 fucking dollars lunch money!"

"that's not enough to pay anything, not even your attorney!"

"fight me!"

he’s that older brother figure that mc would come to whenever she has no one to tell her woes to

their relationship turned out to have lots of playful banters and teasings

he gives very comforting hugs and pats

mc doesn’t want to admit it tho

well, until, changbin caught her snuggling into his hugs one fine day

“admit it, you like them, you like my hugs”

“okay, fine, i DO like them, they’re great hugs, don’t let it go to your head.”

“I KNEW IT”

“You’re so loud, shut up, hyung!”

“OH MY GOD, YOU FINALLY ADMIT TO IT, IM GONNA TELL THE WORLD-KSDFNKSDNF-”

"FUCK- I SAID, SHUSH"

rip in peace, changbin

he didn’t expect someone like her would have so much strength to smother his mouth with her hand and shut it

the more you know

curiousity killed the cat????

---

hwang hyunjin

avoidance at all cost (pt.2) despite being in the same year

why? exhibit a: he's considered very attractive in her year and that her classmates n batch mates have crushes on him

coughs one of the school princes coughs

their batch year prince

she's really gonna swerve away from him

interactions will be kept at a bare minimum

one time hyunjin n some others wanted to borrow a textbook from their class because they have forgotten theirs n he chose hers

she could feel cold sweat forming as she feels the death stare of some of her classmates

that gta [wasted] sfx whenever ur character dies

yeah that's mc

that was probably the last time she would even think about it

when he returned it back to her, he smiled at her, the really cute eye smile and she felt like she made the target on her back bigger lol

goodbye mc you've lived a good life

your friends will definitely will play never gonna give you up during your funeral (it's a promise)

jokes aside

hyunjin would probably noticed the panicked look in her eyes and wondered why

since his friends like felix and...jisung...and seungmin are like on good terms with her

he probably wondered about it a lot

borderlines on overthinking since both felix and jisung are particularly close to her

so she should know that he’s friends with them

ever since that encounter, it would come across his head whenever he saw her hanging out freely with felix or jisung or both of them

or when he come across her in the hallways

sometimes he wants to greet her but it feels like it would scare her away

esp when she looks ready to run into the opposite direction

if he ever made eye contact with her

so his plan to befriend mc has started

tried to join into the trio hangout; jisung, felix and mc

mc never did protest his presence like at all

but does occasionally look stiff when he's near her

eventually shes comfortable enough with him

but not enough to actually hang out with him alone though

that thought kind of made him feel envious towards the other boys

and a little left out

as a teenager, he has too many emotions to handle so

jisung and felilx caught the idea and told him to let her

take her time because she kinda. shy. (???)

that didn't stop him from mulling over it tho sometimes

one day he found her waiting at the bus stop

it was in the evening, she was still in her school uniform

he was kinda on an errand run too

kinda didn’t want to sit on the same bench as her

afraid that she might run away

she noticed him standing there eventually albeit very anxiously and kinda awkward

a casual greeting slipped past her lips which shocked hyunjin to his very core

he splutters back a reply

“on an errand run, errand boy?"

"huh?"

“uh, um, pretend that i didn’t say anything.”

“right, sure, but may i sit next to you, the bus seemed to be late and my legs are kinda tired.”

“oh, uh, yeah, sure, but you didn’t have to ask, y’know?”

“well, didn’t wanna scare you off…"

“it’s nothing personal, if that’s what you’re worried about,” + “it’s just. didn’t wanna step on a landmine and the girls in our batch seemed to adore you a lot and me being close to you might set off the wrong signal…?”

“that’s absurd, you’re...being unreasonable..i mean, its none of their business-!”

“i know, im sorry, my bad, it’s not your fault either, it’s not anyone’s fault, to be honest.”

for a moment, he found her reasoning to be petty and unreasonable until it finally clicks inside her head, from her point of view when he really thought it through.

“...no wait, im sorry, i think, i kinda get why when i really thought about it.”

“yeah, it’s no biggie, don’t worry, im sorry too, we’ll both get over it”

“...um, we’re friends, right?”

“...i suppose so, if you dont mind, dummy.”

a giddy smile crossed his face while mc struggles to not stare at him looking so cute like that as she coughs into her hand, avoiding eye-contact

pretty boys have too much power in their hands

and she’s one of their fallen victims towards their charms

this isn’t fair for her heart

so when the bus arrived

they sat beside each other on the bus

hyunjin did most of the chattering while mc listens

he was so glad he cleared smth up with her

if she allows it, he would definitely tried to hug her

until he remembers that one time changbin told him he almost got punch in the face by her

when he tried doing it the first time and startled her

yeah no not now

maybe sometime in the near future, a long-awaited hug would be great

(if he was honest tho, he really wanted to cry when she told him the truth)

(it felt like a heartache)

but it’s okay now though

they’re friends now (somewhat) and that’s all that matters

---

[masterlist]

[whatsarasaid]

title: the interview. fandom: control. rating: general audiences. word count: approx. 1100. characters: dr. casper darling, jesse faden, dylan faden.

Ordinary, Maine.

Darling loved it. The name. It was overly on-the-nose, bringing him a strange childish delight. The only thing that could have made it better was if it were Wisconsin or something. Cheese curds and cows and Midwest monotony would have further sharpened the contrast.

Though, judging by the sleepiness, this particular New England town wasn’t too far off. The Federal-style architecture gave it a sense of primness it had no right to possess. The dilapidated gas station on the corner certainly took away from the red brick and cream eaves. Somewhat Idyllic But Mostly Boring Until Very Recently, MI, he renamed it in his head. If the place still wanted to be literal with its naming conventions, things would have to change.

Darling chunked open the metal door of the school, case files and morning coffee in hand. Their makeshift headquarters was comprised of hijacked teachers’ desks and heavy equipment crates. Personnel was busy scribbling and typing, diligently working to solve. Twenty-four hours straight of swabbing surfaces, collecting samples, and snapping pictures, but the question of what caused the AWE remained unanswered.

Time to pick through the human data.

Primary sources were rich with information, responding to direct questions with direct answers. The quantitative—statistics, algorithms—gave scientific discovery validity and generalizability. But it was through the qualitative—observation, interviews—that theories were born. Unfortunately, every adult in Ordinary up and vanished rapture-style, meaning all witnesses were under sixteen. And likely, new orphans.

Darling knew absolutely nothing about children, his work was his offspring, but he knew the devastation an AWE could bring. He caught sight of the kids through the gym windows yesterday. They were sitting on rows of military cots with their khaki blankets and emergency Dopp kits, waiting until they could be questioned by the FBC and processed by the Office of Children and Family Services. None of their personal belongings could be released until they had been screened for possible Altered Items or OOPs.

These interviews would be undoubtedly bleak.

The first subjects were the Faden siblings. An agent reported they’d began frantically babbling about a landfill the moment the FBC showed up at their door and so were moved to the front of the line.

Follow the strangeness.

That was how this worked.

Darling frowned at his lab coat, wrinkled from the drive. White coats held power. Sometimes inciting trust, but other times ire. Didn’t most people like doctors? Hopefully, the children would. Even if he was the research kind. He straightened his bowtie.

He found the Fadens in the kindergarten classroom, where they'd been told to wait. They weren’t as young as he thought they'd be, but what had he expected? Infants? He needed to brush up on his human development. They sat in primary-colored bean bags. The younger, the boy, was staring out a window, picking at the bag’s seams. The older, the girl, was stiff beside him, sharp eyes clicking to Darling when he walked in.

Darling gave them what he considered to be his most unoffending smile.

The girl frowned.

Darling scanned for a chair but found somebody had robbed the teacher’s desk of its adult-sized one. He resorted to dragging a miniature plastic stool in front of the kids and crunching himself onto it, knees almost to his chest, coffee and case files an awkward pile in his lap. “Good morning. I lead the scientists studying your home. I hear you have some interesting information for me.”

The boy turned and blinked at him with owlish eyes.

It was the girl who spoke first, her voice quiet but resolute. Darling liked the cut of her jib. “We know what caused everything. We found a slide projector in the dump, after it got bigger.”

"The dump got bigger?"

"Yeah, bigger but the same. Deeper?"

Darling couldn’t put his coffee down fast enough. He ruffled in his chest coat pocket for a pen and scooched the stool closer, inciting two high-pitched squeals from the rubber-knobbed legs, eager to take notes. Silly of him to not bring a tape recorder. “Mm-hm, yes, go on.”

The girl eyed him, cagey again, “Each slide took us to, um, different places. The places weren’t here.”

"'Here' as in Ordinary?"

“No. Earth.”

Likely other dimensions. “How did that work?"

"We'd put in a slide, project it onto a wall, and just go through."

Definitely other dimensions. "Can you describe these other places?"

"They were all really weird. Some were scary."

The boy interrupted, “Do you know where our parents are?”

The girl snapped her mouth shut and wrinkled her nose, looking as if she were forcing back the sudden sting of tears.

“No,” Darling said gently. As he noted earlier: bleak. “I don’t. But that’s the thing about the scientific process: it can lead to all sorts of discoveries. Maybe even the location of your parents. I can’t make any promises, though.”

The boy nodded solemnly, “Tom thought the Not-Mother took them.”

Darling’s mind reeled as he scribbled notes. 'Not-Mother' had been mentioned in the police reports. Was it an entity they found through the alternate dimensions in the slide projector? Their nickname for something else? What motives did it have in taking the adults? If any? Dear God, so many questions all at once, branching and vining in a thousand directions.

"Where's Tom? In the gym? I'd like to speak with him, too."

The children exchanged looks but said nothing.

Darling peeked at his wristwatch. They would need more than their scheduled fifteen minutes. Much more. He needed to call Trench and deploy a team to the local landfill ASAP. Before anyone else got sucked into a different dimension and met this ‘Not-Mother.’ They should probably just transport the whole site to the Oldest House for safety since it evidently...shifts. What an endeavor. He’d have to lead that. Someone else—a child psychologist, probably—should finish interviewing the kids. They'd better know how to navigate the delicacies of their experience while retrieving the needed information.

As if on cue, the boy’s stomach warbled a growl. Some positive reinforcement might be in order before Darling subjected them to a marathon of questions. A Paranatural Aptitude Assessment would be wise, too. He had a feeling he’d be getting to know the Fadens quite well.

Darling clapped the file shut, “I haven’t had breakfast yet. Have you?”

The children shook their heads no.

“Let’s go get some cereal,” he said, gathering his pile and inelegantly pulling himself up from the stool, “Or muffins. Do you like muffins?"

The boy followed.

The girl did not.

“Come on,” he called to her as he jerked his head toward the door, “After we eat, I'm going to introduce you to more people who can help. You’ll be having lots more talks with them.”

She finally trailed after.

But not without giving him one final glance.

[bloodfromthethorn]

Broken Trust

Even now, hours later, he couldn’t shake the memory of Jack’s shoulder driving into his sternum, a too-tight grip on his bicep forcing him sideways as the man he trusted more than anyone else in the world physically moved through him rather than listen to what he had to say.

Tag to 2x02. Mac didn't walk away from his encounter with Jack as unscathed as he might wish to appear.

Also on AO3

..

Mac knew he was being stupid.

Yes, Jack threatening him with violence was no small matter and he was certainly justified in his surprise and betrayal, but he knew that he shouldn’t read any further into it. Jack had just been worried about Riley and hadn’t been thinking straight and in all likelihood, that was absolutely all it was. There was no deeper meaning, no hidden message. He shouldn’t be dwelling on it. He definitely shouldn’t be sitting on his deck at 3:30 in the morning contemplating all the times Jack had promised to have his back, to keep him safe, only to immediately turn on him when Mac put himself between his Overwatch and someone Jack cared about more.

It wasn’t like he didn’t get it: Jack had technically known Riley for far longer than he’d known Mac and he’d cared for her when she’d been a child – of course he was going to feel paternal. Mac had never been under any illusion that the relationship he had with Jack would outweigh that and he wouldn’t want it to, but he’d kind of thought that he still at least ranked somewhere near the top. Was that being presumptuous? A few days ago he wouldn’t have doubted it for a second, but now he couldn’t help but think maybe he’d been projecting his own feelings onto Jack and the reality of the situation was actually nothing like he’d thought it was.

But, then again, that was just a little overly dramatic, no? Jack had proven willing to go to the mat for Mac time and again, and this was the first time since their ill-fated meeting that the man had ever seemed willing to come to blows with him. They’d rib and tease each other, but he could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times there’d been true animosity between them. Mac’s quiet crisis of faith was surely nothing more than an overactive imagination and a history of being second choice to the people he loved.

And even if he wasn’t imagining anything, Jack had apologised for all of it – or at least he’d tried to. In the end, despite having waited to hear it, Mac had found that he just couldn’t stomach the thought of listening to Jack try to justify himself, to directly tell him that his loyalty to the woman who was basically his daughter was more important to him than his loyalty to Mac. Instead he’d shut down the apology before it could reach the light of day, brushing off Jack’s concern with a shrug and an easy smile. Better to let everyone think that it really was no big deal and was easily put behind them, no matter how far that might be from the truth. If Jack had had any notion of how badly Mac had been flying to pieces inside his own head, he hadn’t shown it.

So far as Mac could tell, everyone had mutually agreed that the whole thing had been a bizarre incident of heightened emotions with no deeper meaning and they could all quite happily sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. If only things were so simple for him.

Even now, hours later, he couldn’t shake the memory of Jack’s shoulder driving into his sternum, a too-tight grip on his bicep forcing him sideways as the man he trusted more than anyone else in the world physically moved through him rather than listen to what he had to say. Bruises he’d been very careful to hide pulsed quietly beneath his skin.

It shouldn’t matter, he knew that. Jack had been going out of his mind with worry and Mac knew better than anyone how much he could overreact if someone he cared about was in trouble but at the same time… He’d put Mac in trouble. Mac wasn't in any doubt that if Riley hadn’t chosen that particular moment to convince Bedlam to trust her, he would be nursing a black eye – or worse – by now.

Worse still was that Bozer had also been in the unfortunate position of having to get between Jack and Riley that very same day and he’d managed to walk away entirely clean. Mac was unendingly grateful for that of course and he’d never wish any harm on his friend, but he couldn’t deny that it stung to know Jack wouldn’t raise a hand against Boze when he’d been perfectly happy to against Mac barely an hour earlier.

He ran a shaking hand through his hair for the hundredth time, huffing out a heavy breath as he battled to get his thoughts under control. This was normally what Jack was good at, helping him to get out of his own head and see the truth of things so he could work through the problem, but even if it hadn’t been the early hours, Mac wasn’t about to disturb him with this. Either he was wrong and being paranoid and there really wasn’t anything to worry about, or he was right and asking about it would mean having to hear one of his worst fears realised.

He wasn’t really up to confronting either outcome tonight.

Instead he was stuck out here, unable to sleep but too tied up in knots to try doing anything productive. The best he could manage was sitting beside the unlit firepit with a beer he hadn’t touched once. Letting himself go and getting drunk was distantly tempting, but work tomorrow was going to be tough enough as it was without throwing a hangover into the mix. Besides, if he did that, then people were going to ask questions and there really was no unembarrassing way of saying ‘I’ve been having a bit of a breakdown because a man I considered a brother nearly punched me in the face and I’m having to rethink a decade-long relationship.’

Mac’s usual approach to emotional problems had always been resorting to logic – with mixed results. It was all well and good to explain his childhood dog’s perpetual escape attempts as animal instinct rather than personal dislike, but it became a lot more complicated when he tried to pinpoint the reason a man would abandon his only son and never look back. Unfortunately, this problem looked like it was going to fall into the latter category.

The facts were thus: Jack loved Riley like a daughter; Riley had been in imminent, but not certain, danger; Mac had put himself between the two; Jack had chosen to disregard what Mac was saying in favour of physically moving him aside so he could reach Riley.

There was no logic in the world that could explain that away without demeaning Mac’s relationship with Jack in a way that was deeply hurtful.

It wasn’t a competition and even thinking of it in those terms left Mac swallowing down guilt and disgust at his own neediness. Jack cared loudly and widely; he was in possession of a heart so large, Mac was quite certain he could love a hundred people equally without breaking a sweat. It was no great stretch or challenge to accept that Jack was capable of loving both Riley and Mac, and that those two things had absolutely nothing to do with each other. There was nothing unreasonable about that. 

So it wasn’t a competition, but if it had been then Mac had very definitely lost.

God, he needed to get it together. He was self-aware enough to realise that the only real path forward here was to forgive Jack the minor transgression and move on, accepting it for what it had been without trying to place any excess baggage onto it. If he really couldn’t manage that alone, Jack would no doubt be willing to offer the apology he’d tried to give earlier, should Mac reveal his concerns. Nothing anyone said or did would take back what had happened, and wishing otherwise was childish. He just needed to put it behind him.

Then again, that evidently wasn’t going to happen tonight.

He’d ended up out on the deck sometime around midnight, waiting sleeplessly in his bed until Bozer was well and truly unconscious before sneaking out, driven by a vague desire for air and a need to see the stars. He was only one for two on that – a heavy blanket of cloud had managed to erase the few bright night sparks that usually managed to make it past the light pollution – but that wasn’t such a bad score. At the very least, the still quiet made a nice contrasting balm to his inner turmoil.

The quiet didn’t last however – the hour hand on Mac’s watch had just started creeping past 4 when he heard the purr of a familiar engine pulling up outside and he breathed a long sigh. He had no idea what had drawn Jack there – he’d often joked about having a sixth sense when Mac was in trouble, but he couldn’t possibly have known about this – and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to find out. He toyed with the idea of slipping back into his bedroom before Jack had a chance to make it into the house, but he was sufficiently torn that he was still contemplating that course of action when he heard the door unlatch.

There were a few moments of quiet footsteps tracing through the house, first checking on the bedrooms and then, after presumably finding Mac’s empty, more hurried movement until the door to the deck squeaked open and Jack’s boots appeared in the corner of Mac’s vision. Exhausted and frankly too tired to even try to pretend otherwise, Mac didn’t look up.

“What are you doing here?” He asked quietly. His whole evening had felt fragile and a superstitious part of him he’d never been able to ditch warned that it was in danger of shattering if he didn’t speak softly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” was the equally gentle reply. “You?”

“It’s been a long few days.” The words sounded heavy, containing too much meaning. He took an unenthusiastic swig of beer to cover it. “There’s more in the fridge if you want one,” he added, shaking the bottle a little.

“Little early to start drinking, isn't it?”

“To be fair, it was late when I started.”

“…I think that might make it worse hoss.”

He snorted indelicately and took another pull. Now that he’d started drinking it, he found himself vaguely comforted by the familiar flavour. There wasn’t enough alcohol in it to do more than warm him, but the sensation wasn’t unwelcome.

Jack seemed to sigh, then his boots disappeared as he worked his way around behind Mac to sit beside him on the lip of the firepit. Now on the same level, Mac couldn’t avoid meeting his gaze. He looked as tired as Mac felt, so he said as much.

His Overwatch offered an unconvincing smile. “I’ll have you know that I look good no matter what,” he replied, but it was clear his heart wasn’t in it. “Truth be told, I feel like I’ve been kicked by a horse.”

That raised concern. “Are you getting ill? I think I’ve still got some of those antipyretics in the cupboard-”

He made a jerking motion to get to his feet, but Jack waved him back down before he could go anywhere. “Nah, it’s nothing man, don’t worry about it. It’s just like you said – been a long few days. Think I’m still working through it all.”

Mac felt his heart sink in his chest. Of all the conversations he didn’t want to have right that second. “I know how much you didn’t want Riley out there. I can’t imagine how stressful this has all been,” he said, aiming for compassionate and just barely hitting the mark. “I’m just glad it’s over.”

Jack, weirdly, looked sheepish. “You and me both kid, but that’s not exactly what I meant.”

There was a pause as Mac processed that and came up empty. “Oh?”

Despite the fact that whatever was going on in Jack’s head had been fierce enough to drive him all the way to Mac’s house in the middle of the night, he suddenly looked tremendously uncertain. One hand snaked up to rub at the back of his neck, dragging his head down so that he didn’t have to maintain eye contact. Mac half expected him to start shifting in his seat.

“Jack? What’s going on?”

He sighed gustily, apparently rooting around for his courage, and met Mac’s gaze again. “Look, I know you brushed it off before and I appreciate your understanding and all that but-” He hesitated ever so briefly, then the rest came pouring out of him like he couldn’t stop it. “Man, I was way out of line yesterday. Like so far past the line I couldn’t even see it any more. Yeah I was stressed about Riley and I ain’t ever going to be sorry for looking out for her, but that doesn’t change the fact that for a split second I was willing to go through you to do it. There’s nothing that could ever make that right and I need you to know how fucking sorry I am.”

He broke his gaze away again, bringing up his other hand to bury his face in his palms in pained desperation. Mac blinked at him in surprise, utterly stunned.

“And it’s stupid anyway because I know how much you care about Riley and me, and I know that you were trying to stop me to protect us both – I should have just seen-” He bit himself off, grumbled, pressed on more calmly: “I was so focused on my own inability to see what Riley could do that I lost sight of her, the mission, and you. It’s my job to keep you safe – that’s my only job – and I was so far out of my own head that I put you in danger because of my own stupidity. There is nothing about that that’s okay and even if you don’t need me to say it, I had to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m not expecting forgiveness because shit, I really messed it up this time, but for whatever it’s worth, I swear I’ll never do that again.”

Mac forced himself to swallow, desperately willing his exhausted brain to kick itself into gear and process everything Jack had just dumped on him. When he’d considered asking for an apology after all, this hadn’t been quite what he had in mind. In response to it, all he could manage was a sort of stunned silence.

Jack rubbed at his face one last time, then pulled himself upright again and forcefully met Mac’s eyes. He looked as though he was bracing for a hit, but he didn’t flinch. Mac, for his part, had absolutely no idea what he was possibly supposed to say.

A part of him desperately wanted to grasp the lifeline he was being offered, accept the explanation as the reassurance it was evidently meant to be, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. After a lifetime of those he cared about proving that Mac was a very easy person to leave, some self-preservation instinct was finally picking up its head and warning him not to trust so blindly. A few days ago he had been utterly certain that Jack would never willingly hurt him – now, he knew what it was to hear his Overwatch’s voice dip low and threatening, warning him that if he didn’t step aside, he was going to get hurt. He knew what it was to go cold at the humiliation he’d felt when faced with a thoroughly dismissive, ‘Boy, get out of my face.’ He knew what it was to have Jack look at him and see nothing but an obstacle in his way.

Hours too late and in the worst possible moment, Mac suddenly realised that the anger he’d been quietly cultivating wasn’t really anger at all.

As he always seemingly managed to do, Jack chose that same moment to pick up on the fact that something had gone wrong with his partner, because his earnestness immediately dropped away behind guilty concern. He hesitated for several heartbeats, absorbing whatever was going on in Mac’s expression, then tilted his head consideringly. “When you stopped me apologising earlier,” he said very slowly, “You didn’t mean it when you said it was fine, did you?”

Mac forced himself to shrug, trying to shake looseness into limbs that had frozen in place. “Like I said, Riley’s lucky to have you. You were just watching out for her.”

“Yeah, and throwing you under the bus in the process. God, I almost- I could have hurt you Mac.”

Now was probably a very bad time to reveal that he had hurt him. At least the bruises were in places easy to hide.

“You didn’t,” he lied instead, running his eyes over the skyline rather than let Jack see the mistruth in them. “I appreciate the apology, I really do, but I understand. Riley’s family, Jack, of course you’re going to do everything you can to defend her.”

Jack let out a humourless snort. “You say that like you’re not every bit as much my family as she is.”

There was a sudden, telling silence. Jack blinked. Mac’s gaze stayed fixed on the horizon.

“You- You do know that… right?” Jack said haltingly, his voice so quiet as to be almost unheard even in the silence. When there was no immediate response, it turned more forceful. “Mac, tell me you know that.”

He swallowed hard. In the face of such honest concern, Mac couldn’t bring himself to lie or to brush it off, but at the same time he had no idea how to explain the tangle of thorns in his head without sounding as stupid as he was afraid he was being.

“Jack,” he started carefully, weighing up the words as he went, “We’ve been partners for years now. I know how important that is and I’m grateful for it every day, but… But you knew Riley when she was just a kid.” He twitched his hands in a vague attempt at encompassing the sheer scale of their relationship. “I get that things have been kind of weird between the two of you, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s basically your daughter. I should never have tried to get in the middle of that.”

“If you hadn’t gotten in the middle of it, I would have gotten her killed,” Jack shot back immediately. “You did everything right Mac. I’m the one who fucked up here.”

There wasn’t a lot Mac could really say to that since it was technically accurate, but he was spared the effort by Jack refusing to take the bait of his deflection.

“And besides,” he continued firmly, “That’s not even slightly the point here. You- You really don’t think that I see you as family?”

Goddamn it he sounded hurt and that was so not what Mac had been going for. He sucked in a breath and cursed himself when it shook. “That’s not- That wasn’t what I was trying to say,” he managed lamely, wanting to reassure but deeply unwilling to make any presumptions. That was precisely what had gotten him into this mess.

Jack’s eyes were dark and sad and knowing. Mac could scarcely stand to look at them. “Maybe not, but it’s what you’re thinking, right? You’ve got it in your head that everything that happened was because Riley’s more important to me than you?”

Hearing the words said aloud in such a level, careful tone sent a rush of blazing shame right through him. It sounded so pathetic when put so simply. This time the anger that burned hot on its heels was genuine, though aimed more at himself than anyone else. He shook his head sharply as though to rid himself of the feeling but he still couldn’t quite meet Jack’s eyes when he said, “No. I know it doesn’t work like that. I’m not some kid in need of coddling Jack. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“You’re tired because you’re sitting on your deck at four in the morning instead of sleeping, and I’ve known you long enough to know that happens when you can’t get something out of your head. So, if I’m wrong, what is it? Because it has been a shitty few days but somehow I get the feeling this isn’t about a missing EMP or you having to figure us a way out of a crashing plane with no chutes.” His expression was complicated; some combination of worried and open, like he was pleading with Mac to just speak with him. “C’mon Mac. Talk to me. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

Mac shook his head slowly, too many thoughts crowding in at once to make sense of anything. “Jack-”

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. Mac-” Jack bit off whatever he was about to say in frustration, shaking himself. “God I really fucked up. Should’ve known you’d come to the worst possible conclusion. Never did know your own worth.” He ran a tired hand over his face, then drew himself upright and faced Mac head on, a rare seriousness shining in his eyes. “Okay, this is something I clearly should be saying more often since you still don’t seem to believe it but, you’re my brother Mac. You’re every bit as much my family as Ri is and I know that I made you doubt that, but it never for one second stopped being true. You hear me? I’m so sorry for what I did outside that warehouse – you didn’t deserve it one bit and I should never have done it. But it didn’t mean what you’re thinking it did.”

“I’m not thinking anything Jack,” he said quietly, even while his brain raced away from him. He wanted so, so badly to believe what he was hearing and Jack had sworn long ago to always be honest with him. To Mac’s knowledge he’d never once broken that promise…

But it was also exactly what Mac wanted to hear. Of course he was going to be inclined to believe it.

“That’s never once been true and you know it,” Jack shot back, not losing an ounce of his seriousness. 

Mac didn’t rise to the implied joke. A sudden swell of frustration at Jack’s presumption climbed his throat and he was scoffing before he could help himself. “Tell me then,” he said sharply. “What exactly is it I’m thinking?”

Jack flinched lightly at the acid in his tone, but he held Mac’s gaze steadily like he was prepared to take any blow he threw his way. “I’ve never tried to pretend I can follow everything that goes through your head hoss. I don’t have near the IQ for that. But I think even you’d agree that I’ve gotten pretty good at following you.”

Mac’s face tried to twitch into a scowl but he forced it down with a will of iron. 

His partner continued without interruption. “Now maybe I’m overstepping here, but I’m gonna bet that right now you’re feeling angry and hurt because you trusted me and I let you down. I let you down real bad.” There, he did hesitate very slightly, before deciding to voice what they both already knew. “I know I’m not the first person to do that, not by a long shot. You’ve had to deal with all kinds of shit you never deserved, but betrayal isn’t something anyone gets used to.”

Burgeoning anger aside, that felt like a step too far. Mac shook his head sharply. “You didn’t betray anyone-”

“Yes, I did,” he cut in firmly. “I betrayed your trust. I promised to protect you, but I got so caught up in my own bullshit hang-ups that I broke that promise. You’ve got every reason to be pissed as all hell about that Mac, don’t let anyone tell you you don’t.”

“You were just trying to help Riley,” Mac said again, sounding weak to his own ears. Everything Jack was saying was everything he’d thought he’d needed to hear, but now that it was all laid out so plainly before him, the only sensation he could summon was bittersweet resignation. Jack wasn’t wrong - he felt betrayed. 

“Yeah, maybe. That’s not an excuse.”

There was a long, still pause. “No,” he finally admitted quietly. “It isn’t.”

The corners of Jack’s eyes were damp when he nodded, accepting and agreeing with that in equal measure. He looked crushed. “And you deserve every apology I can give you for that. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted to take a swing at me.”

Mac shot him a dark look, irritated by the joke, but he found only seriousness in Jack’s face; he’d meant it. “I’m not going to hit you,” he said, offended at the implication. 

“I know you won’t,” Jack soothed carefully. “I’m just trying to say - very badly - that I do know how badly I’ve fucked this up. I broke a promise to you that I swore my life on and you know I don’t take that sort of thing lightly. I can’t ever explain how sorry I am for it, but I can spend every moment you let me trying to make up for it.”

They let that sit between them for a long few minutes. Mac felt torn; even with the anger and hurt and fucking devastation rocking around in his chest he could admit that Jack was saying everything right. The real question then was whether or not Mac could trust it when Jack had already blindsided him once. 

His Overwatch’s smile was bleak and pained. “I can see that brain of yours whirring away,” he said at length. “Trying to work out if I’m telling the truth, huh?”

As he said it, his façade crumbled ever so slightly and for just a moment, he looked deeply, unbearably sad. Like he knew he’d earned every inch of that mistrust and was regretting it with every fibre of his being. In all their time together, Mac had seen Jack wear that expression exactly once: a thousand years ago in an Italian hospital room as he told a barely conscious Mac that Nikki hadn’t made it. The context might have been different, but those eyes- their grief was the same.

That- that Mac could believe. No one who looked like Jack did in that moment could be insincere. Jack was a hell of a good liar when he needed to be – requirement of the job, really – but the raw, honest heartbreak in that expression was not something even he could fake. For the first time since Jack walked towards him with violence in his eyes, Mac found that he could trust this, if nothing else.

No matter what had happened between them, how readily Jack had been willing to throw away every promise he’d ever made to Mac, he could see the evidence of his regret right in front of him. It didn’t undo what he’d done, not by a long shot, but it was… something. 

Something important. 

Maybe something so important it was really the only thing that actually mattered. 

There was no amount of words that could entirely mend the hurt that Jack had wrought that day, but perhaps they were enough to start the process. Jack was right here, swearing to do better, and despite a lifetime of reasons not to trust an offer like that, Mac couldn’t help but hear the ring of truth. For now, perhaps that had to be enough. Healing always came with time and with Jack willing to make amends, Mac had a feeling that they’d get there together in the end. 

He sucked in a hard breath, and finally, finally forced himself to let his anger and hurt go. They would do nothing for him now.

“I believe you,” he said, and meant it. He caught Jack’s eye. “And I accept your apology. My own messed up head aside, I do know that you were only trying to protect Riley.”

“Hey now, your head’s doing just fine. I’m the one tying it up in knots, even when I should know better. You’ve been given plenty of reason to think the worst of people in your life Mac. That it’s not your first response is- well. Incredible, I guess. I don’t blame you a bit for not trusting me after… Everything.”

Mac’s eyes dropped to the floor again, feeling oddly self-conscious about how easily Jack was able to see through him. It was always easy to forget how little time they had really known each other when Jack could look at him and immediately see the heart of whatever was bothering him. Bozer might have known him for longer, but Jack had still been the one who got to see the darker sides of him born in desert heat and sandy plains. That was exactly why this whole mess had hurt as much as it had.

“I always trust you Jack,” he said honestly. “You caught me off guard, but nothing is about to change that.”

Jack blinked hard, swallowing as he processed that. “After everything that happened this week, I know that I don’t deserve that but you don’t know how good that is to hear, man.” He rubbed at his face, pulling his emotions back in line. “And just so you know, while I appreciate you accepting my apology and all, I know I’m nowhere near done earning your forgiveness. What I did was-”

His eyes suddenly turned distant, and whatever strength had bled back into his frame drained in a rush. He looked… fragile.

“Jack, you don’t need to earn anything,” Mac said, suddenly feeling vaguely guilty for taking it all so badly while at the same time desperately trying to throttle that sensation. He wanted to forgive Jack – already had, if he was honest with himself – but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been right to be upset in the first place. “I’m glad you apologised, no matter what I told you before. That’s all I needed.” He shrugged self-deprecatingly. “Well, that and for you to talk some sense into me, maybe.”

“That’s my job, remember?” Jack said with a shrug of his own. “Keeping your head on straight is half the battle.” He winced in the same instant as he said it, apparently realising the irony in him being the one to throw Mac off this time. He visibly forced himself to straighten out, trying to accept the truth of Mac’s forgiveness. “Well, lesson learned, I guess. Just wish I didn’t do it by hurting you.”

Mac snorted softly, even though his heart wasn’t really it in. “I’m tougher than I look.”

“That is one hundred percent true,” Jack agreed without hesitation, “But it doesn’t change the fact that I was a dick and you caught the worst of it. Which would be bad enough at the best of times, but in this case you were only doing what you could to protect me and Riley, which is like, I don’t know, a double dick move on my part?” He broke off momentarily with a frown as if trying to work out the maths of that specific scenario, then shook himself like a dog shaking off water. “Whatever, the point is-” A pause. “What was my point again?”

Despite himself, Mac snickered. “I think it was something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry I was an ass, I won’t do it again’. That about sum it up?”

Jack grinned in that knowing way he did when he’d succeeded in pulling Mac out of his own head without him realising. “Couldn’t have put it better myself.” He sobered, catching Mac’s gaze. “And I mean it. I’m not ever going to take a swing at you man, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you never have to feel like I might again.”

 Mac’s first instinct was to brush the reassurance off once more, remind Jack that he already had his trust, but he caught himself before he could. He was determined not to punish himself for reacting badly to something he had every reason to react badly to, and besides, it seemed like Jack needed to say it just as much as Mac needed to hear it. After everything that had happened that day, it felt good to hear that promise put into words. “Thank you,” he said at length, letting truth settle into his tone. 

He went to say more, but the words were lost as a jaw-cracking yawn forced its way up his throat. Jack chuckled quietly at him. 

“Yeah, I feel that,” he said, dispensing with his heavy tone for something lighter, something healing. “Think it might be past time we got you to bed, man. You look knackered.”

“I am,” he admitted. There was very little point pretending otherwise; he knew what he looked like. “You’ve got to be exhausted too.”

Jack shrugged easily. “Yeah, but I’ll get out of your hair. I knew you weren’t exactly expecting visitors when I decided to turn up unannounced at four in the morning.”

“That’s literally never stopped you,” he said, rolling his eyes. Truthfully, he was glad Jack had shown up when he did - it was only thanks to it that he thought he might actually be able to get some honest to god sleep before he had to show up at work tomorrow- or, well, later today. “You’re not driving home this late. Just sleep here.”

“I didn’t exactly bring a go-bag with me.”

“Unless you’ve changed dramatically in size in the last two months, I’m pretty sure the clothes you left in my dresser are still going to fit you.”

Jack looked like he was bending, wanting to give in to the comfort readily being offered, but something dark and wary in his eyes was holding him back. That line of guilt that ran rigid along the back of his shoulders had eased slightly during the course of their conversation, but it still lingered on even now. Mac had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t going to lose it for a long time. 

“I don’t want to impose,” he said after a strained moment of silence. His gaze dropped to his lap. “I think I’ve disturbed your sleep enough tonight to last a lifetime, bud.”

“In case it wasn’t abundantly obvious, you weren’t disturbing anything.”

“Just ‘cause I wasn’t here, doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault.”

Mac couldn’t help but roll his eyes again. “C’mon man, it’s done. We’re all good, remember? But if you keep arguing about driving home at four AM when you look like you’re going to fall asleep at the wheel, then you are going to keep me up when I would much rather be sleeping. Matty’s already going to be mad as it is; we don’t need to pile sleep deprivation on top.”

His Overwatched hissed, pulling on a peeved frown. “You’re too sneaky for your own good, you know that?”

Mac released what felt like his first genuine laugh in days and drained the rest of his beer, easing himself carefully to his feet. “Someone might have mentioned it in the past. Come on, big guy. I’m not carrying you inside if you pass out here.”

“You could just wake me up.”

“And give up the opportunity to listen to you griping about that bad back you pretend you don’t have? Ooh, that’s a tough call.”

“You’re an ass.”

Mac’s laugh chased them into the darkened house.

[arizona-trash-bag]

I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.

Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.

Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.

For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.

For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)

Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year.  All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it’s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.

I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!

wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.

I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?

in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.

first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)

from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.

china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.

safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.

as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.

as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?

PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁‍♀️

[unmanageable-day]

Come to me

PART 26.5 - next

masterlist / previous chapter: 26

Summary. After what happened in a relationship in the past, you found it difficult to trust someone with the gentleman image. ‘Gentleman’ seems like merely a concept and it was probably impossible for someone to be a genuine one. Now that you’re stuck with the number one gentleman at campus for a group project, how would you cope with the one and only Joshua Hong?

Genre. College!au, non-idol!au / friends to lover

Pairing. Joshua x y/n x S.Coups

wc / warning. 1k / prolly grammatical error, and nothing more, i guess? (does mentioning shua’s nickname of the holy jisoos count?? if anyone feels disturbed about it, please do let me know!)

TAGLIST.  @samemagicpoint @unravellyn @nonuuu @seventeeneration @skylions-den @wooziverse @infinitemoods @haoraecane @sunflowergyeomie @flower0930 @riashushu​ — [ send ask or dm if you’re interested to be added in the list! 🖤 ]

a/n: i’ve decided to cut this written part into two chapters. hope you still enjoy it, any comments are warmly welcomed! i have this rough draft ready looong time before those smau parts but it took me a while to rewrite it, so it is kinda tricky to connect all the dots hehe

You set the living room as if you were going on a picnic. Instead of a rug or carpet, you used a yoga mat covered with an old scarf—resulting in Joshua quietly laughed at this sudden creativity. The pizza box was wide opened between you and him. Yet what you two had in your hands were two scoops of ice cream. Joshua was the one suggesting to have this salty-sweet-salty-sweet eating pattern.

"Okay. Let's start with... why does everyone call you a gentleman? Oh, I think I've also heard about the holy Jisoos," you trailed off, stirring the ice cream on your cup.

Joshua chuckled. "I honestly have no idea. Some kids made that up. I mean, I do consider myself as a gentle person but I won't even call myself a gentleman."

You nodded slowly, a spoonful of ice cream went into your mouth.

"And, please, stop with the holy Jisoos. If I find out who started that, I think I will commit a murder," he said, rolling his eyes in annoyance. No one really had ever said this particular nickname right into his face, but still, it was the one he most despises of.

Unconsciously you watched his expression quite eagerly. It was probably the first rime you caught him making that face. Even he still kept his smile intact and never showed it if he was exhausted during overtime—unlike you who looked like a mess when it was past 9 PM in the office. And it was fascinating to hear him wanting to murder someone. Basically the word murder and his by-default smiley face simply didn't match.

He made eye contact and you were flustered. "Come on, ask me more questions," said him, looking as eager as you.

"Are you always this nice to people? I mean, not even a bad intention once a while?" That was the best filtered words you can arrange. The truth is, you wanted to ask 'are you sure you're not being fake with all that kindness?' but now that you think about it, it sounds very rude.

"I do plot some things. Well, not to random people, but to my friends." He shrugged, but his voice started to sound more excited. After the last bite of his ice cream, he took a slice of pizza. "Do you remember the first time we met?"

Your eyes got widened at that question. How can you not? You squinted your eyes, looking guilty. "You mean how I made you come late to your first class?"

"What? That was you?"

"... yeah?"

He paused. Tilting his head, he looked at you with puzzled expression. He surely remembered his first day of uni and the accident of coming late and getting scolded by one of the most legendary lecturer in campus because of somebody. Apparently he was too shocked to remember who it was.

“I know, I ran away when you went in to Prof. Lee’s class,” you shyly confessed, covering your face with your hands. “And our second meeting was not great either,” you mumbled.

“Was it coffee accident?”

You nodded.

He smiled wide to himself. Looking at you fondly, he continued, “I thought that was our first meeting. But knowing the truth of our first meeting, it was quite fascinating.”

“I know it’s probably too late, but I’m sorry about getting scolded by Prof. Lee and for ruining your white shirt.” You bowed down.

Still smiling, Joshua shook his head, suggesting to never mind it. “Anyway, about that white shirt..” A mischievous grin grew wider. "That’s not my shirt. It's Jeonghan's. Just a few days before my first day going to school, he dropped some ragu sauce on my shirt he wore. I was already plotting something, that was why I wore his clothes, but you unexpectedly did it for me. So..." He made a face, which strangely reminded you of Johnny’s ‘not my problem’ face.

"Wait, what?" You squinted in disbelief. "But you looked mad though?"

"I did?" The bambi eyes widened at your accusation. "Rather than mad, I think I was more shocked. I mean who wouldn't, right?"

Eventually, you two laughed it off. You were glad you cleared at least one unsettled matter with this guy.

"I'll confess one more thing. You can judge me as you please," he spoke rather excitedly and you just nodded. "You know, I often got anonymous love letters in my locker."

"People are still doing that like in Japanese comic?" you commented, holding your laugh.

"I know right. But that's not the point. Those letters, I never read them. Either I just leave it in my locker, or I just throw them away. Or sometimes Seokmin would read it for me, and still they ended up in the trash."

A dramatic gasp left your lips. "Oh my gosh, those poor girls.. Maybe they're just shy, you know? You should give them a chance." Instantly you realized what you said just changed the mood.

“Why don’t you give me a chance?” he calmly retorted.

You chewed your lips, unable to answer him right away.

"Y/N, I'm shy too, but since we were assigned for group project, I encourage myself to talk to you instead of sending anonymous letter." He tried to break the ice.

"Like you, Y/N, they only see me as someone with that too good to be true image. If they really mean it, why not approach me personally? You see, I had bad relationships too. There are many people who only like the way I look, the way I behave. How I don't really voice out, how I never show them if I'm angry, how I always say "it's okay" when things start going bad and "I'm sorry" even when the fault is not mine. They thought I'm 24/7 an angel who is never upset."

A small part of your heart just melted to finally see another side of Joshua Hong. You simply could feel the honesty. It was nice to see the ‘humane’ side of him, to see his emotion as he shared a bit about himself. Now you felt bad for having bad prejudice about him.

"There is one thing I’ve been wondering. Why me?" you asked carefully after observing him catching his breath.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "It's just interesting to see you. It looks like there are so many sides of you."

You looked at him, confused.

“When you're with me, do you notice you're very quiet? But when you're with Johnny, you turn into someone else and you express yourself easily. When you're with Mingyu, Seokmin, and Soonyoung, you change again. You play along with them, you get their jokes, overall it's like you're a child again playing with your friends. Then Wonwoo, you used to have that sheepish smile when you talk to him. And when you're with Seungcheol...” Joshua paused, clearing his throat and looked away. “It's clear how you're comfortable with him, you talk freely with him, as if he's an old friend. And the way you smile at him.. how could I not envy him?”

You attentively listened to him while trying to digest everything. You were quite flustered that he paid that much attention to you.

"So I thought, there must be something wrong with me. I was insecure of myself. 'What is it that Seungcheol does better than me?', 'Why the quiet Wonwoo can be close with you while I can't?', 'Am I good enough to be with you?', 'Am I a trust worthy person to you?'. I was always doubting myself whenever I tried to make a move. Especially since Seungcheol butts in."

The pizza was long forgotten as you were drowning in his thoughts.

"If there is one thing I'm lacking, it's confidence. I don't want people to know about that. Also, I'm not really into telling others how I feel, not even to Jeonghan. I tend to bottle up everything instead of expressing my feelings. Then I would overthink, I would be overly sensitive about things. In the end, I wouldn't actually do anything about it. I'm a coward, Y/N." His hands were fiddling with the spoon on his empty cup.

"Y/N, do you like Seungcheol?" he asked suddenly, making you flinched in your seat.

"Honestly it's hard to not to.." you said guiltily. It was such a mystery to you too why you felt guilty. It wasn’t like you and Joshua were something in the first place.

[cafecitowriter]

I wish you would write a fic where they assign Peggy to protect Steve on the USO circuit as one of the USO dancers. If she likes it or not is up to you :)

Hi okay first of all thank you so much for this! 

Second, sorry this took a hot second, but this absolutely got away from me. I hope you like it!!!

...

No matter how Peggy spun it, this new assignment was nothing more than glorified babysitting.

She knew full well that her skills would be better suited to continue working under Colonel Phillips, going undercover and gathering crucial intel for the Allied cause. That’s exactly what she had been doing - successfully, she might add - for months now. She could do more damage to Hydra and the Nazis if she was out in the field.

Colonel Phillips knew it too. At least, that’s what Peggy assumed, seeing as he put up more of a fight than she’d expected when he learned that she was being transferred from the front lines to join the USO circuit to take care of Steve Rogers.

Now known as Captain America.

Or at least, that’s what he was being called in the USO tour.

Peggy had studied his file as part of her research, and she’d heard she grumblings from the other men in camp about Project Rebirth and its “failure”, as they chose to phrase it.

Truthfully - and silently - Peggy thought his transformation was nothing short of a miracle. He went from being 5’4”, 90 pounds with a novel of ailments to being what could only be described as a super soldier.

Why he was being relegated to show business, with her as his undercover bodyguard, Peggy couldn’t understand. He could be so much more, if they’d let him.

That at least, she could sympathize with.

“This is your cover,” Phillips told her gruffly, handing her a thin file. “I hope you’ve been practicing your American accent.”

“Betty Carver?” she scoffed incredulously as she read the name on the page.

At least she wouldn’t have to dye her hair.

...

Peggy took a bus with the rest of the USO girls to their hotel in Brooklyn. They were to have a few days of rehearsals, and then they would run for two weeks here before moving on to their next stop.

One woman in particular, Beth, had taken an instant liking to Betty. When Beth asked Betty if this was her first tour, she had sheepishly admitted it was her first gig ever. Beth spent the rest of the bus ride talking her ear off, giving her advice, telling her stories of performances gone right and wrong, and most importantly, assuring her that she had an entire support system of women if she ever needed help.

They were sisters now, Beth had told her.

Though Peggy was miles from where she wanted to be, she could begin to see the some slight silver lining to the whole ordeal.

Luckily enough, Betty and Beth are paired up to share a room - and Peggy was almost certain that Beth had something to do with that, which made her respect for the women grow tenfold.

“You coming, Bet?” Beth asked, looking more than ready to head down to dinner.

“I’ll be down in just a minute,” she smiled. “I like to unpack first.”

Peggy waited for Beth to exit before taking a deep breath. She then set to work, checking the room for any hearing devices, seeing what vantage points she had to work with, and double checking the gun in her thigh holster that she’d made herself, just for the occasion.

She then unpacked her entire suitcase, since that’s what she told Beth she was currently up to.

A knock at the door startled her. Peggy straightened up and slowly approached the door. She left her hand close to where her gun was hidden underneath her skirt, knowing that she might need to draw it at a moment’s notice.

“Hi. I’m Steve Rogers.”

Now, Peggy had read everything there was to know about Steve Rogers.

What her reading hadn't prepared her for, was how boyishly handsome he was, the intensity of his blue eyes, or his disarming smile.

"Hi," she said simply, her brain managing to forget all other words in existence.

Get a grip, Carter.

“Betty Carver,” she added quickly.

“Nice to meet you ma’am.”

“Ma’am?” she asked, raising her eyebrow at him. “I can’t tell if you’re overly polite, or if I look that much older than I actually am.”

“Just how I was raised,” he shrugged sheepishly.

“Betty’s just fine, Captain,” she told him, giving him a reassuring smile.

The tips of his ears went pink at the title.

“Betty, then,” he conceded, rubbing the back of his neck, though Peggy couldn’t help but notice that his smile never faltered.

“I thought we were meeting you at dinner,” she asked curiously.

“I was there,” he told her. “One of them - Beth - told me you were still up here, but it’s been a while and I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” she said, softer than she’d intended.

“And as I can see, you’re doing just fine,” he said, looking suddenly awkward, as though he thought he was intruding on her space. “So I’ll uh, I’ll see you down there, Betty.”

“We can walk down together,” she offered before he could turn to leave.

It would be easier to protect him if she made friends with him, and there was no time like the present to begin forming that relationship.

“I’d like that,” he smiled, offering her his arm.

Peggy suppressed a smile, but accepted his arm.

“Seems like you were raised right, Captain.”

…

As assignments went, Peggy had to (begrudgingly) admit it wasn’t flat out terrible.

The choreography was simple enough that with her limited dance experience, Peggy could get through it, and there were enough women around that she could sing mostly under her breath.

Betty had made a very close friend in Beth, as as a few of the other women as well - Guadalupe and Gwen in particular.

Then there was Steve.

He and Betty had gotten along well since he’d walked her to dinner the first night.

Peggy really liked him, too.

He was nothing like what she’d imagined. Though she’d tried not to make any judgements before meeting him, she had had enough experience with soldiers letting their newly appointed rank go to their head.

Steve however, kept surprising her. He was incredibly gentle for someone so large and strong, kind despite the fact that he was handsome enough that he could get on without having to be.

He also liked to take walks at night, as she’d accidentally learned when she’d encountered him one evening while doing a perimeter check of their latest hotel. He had too much energy, and couldn’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time.

Something that he’d gained from the serum, he’d told her.

She’d lied and said she always had trouble sleeping in different places, and would take a walk to ease her mind.

He frowned at the idea of her being out alone at night, and offered to take walks with her.

While Peggy was more than capable of protecting herself, Betty was relieved and took him up on his offer eagerly.

Besides, if he was up and out in the middle of the night anyway, it would do well for Peggy to be with him should trouble crop up.

Most nights, they would now both sneak away from their rooms and take a walk together. They would designate a meeting place, and afterward, Steve would always walk her right back to her door.

As the weeks wore on, so did their walks get longer, and the more Peggy learned about Steve Rogers.

He talked of his mother, how she had worked so hard to care for him, how much he loved and missed her.

She learned of his best friend, who stood by his side no matter how many alley fights he got into. Who was finally shipped off, leaving Steve alone.

Steve eventually confided to her that he had only ever wanted to serve his country, that he wanted to be a soldier and help the little guy. That with each passing city they performed in, he felt more lost and useless.

“You were meant for more than this,” Peggy found herself telling him one night, as they were both seated on a park bench.

“How do you know?” he asked, starting out at the moon.

“You’re a good man Steve, and with your abilities…” Peggy trailed off, not wanting to give away just how much she knew about Project Rebirth.

“You really think I can make a difference?” he asked, voice quiet and shy and so vulnerable that Peggy had a strong urge to wrap him in her arms.

She settled for resting her hand on top of his.

“I know you can. Call it faith,” she told him sincerely.

They held hands all the way back to her hotel room.

…

What Peggy found particularly endearing about Steve - but would never dare say it out loud - was how, no matter how many times they’d all change in front of him (as there was normally only one dressing room wherever they went), he was still ever the gentleman.

Steve would always help with patching up their costumes, zipping them up, and sometimes even applying make up, but he never stared or lingered.

On this particular night, a few weeks after they held hands during their walk (a detail that hadn’t happened on their nightly strolls again), Peggy was running late and was the last one in the dressing room. She was in the middle of pulling up her left stocking and clipping it in place - leg perched on the dressing table in front of her when someone walked in.

"Oh I - sorry, sorry,” Steve apologized profusely.

Peggy looked up just in time to see his wide-eyed expression and his cheeks turn pink. From the look on his face, one would assume he’d walked in on her half-naked, rather than fully dressed with only one stocking left to be fixed into places.

"Lose something, Captain?" she asked, quirking her eyebrow up in amusement.

"No," he said quickly, averting his gaze to look at the ceiling. "I mean, yes. I can't find the um, my head - my cowl, I mean."

Peggy took pity on him and lowered her leg.

“I’ll help you find it. Curtain’s in five minutes, after all.”

“Thanks, Betty,” he said, letting out a small breath of relief.

She smirked and took a few steps closer to him.

"You mustn't worry, though, Captain. I don't have any devious plans to ruin your pristine reputation," she teased.

“I wouldn’t mind if you did,” he murmured, clearly without thinking.

Peggy's eyes widened slightly. Other than the night they’d held hands (which Peggy had to keep reminding herself was only a comfort between friends) this is the first time he’d actually done anything close to what could be considered flirting.

She tried to ignore how much she liked it.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she told him, her voice slightly breathless.

Steve’s eyes flicked down for her lips, and he began to lean in.

Or was it her that was leaning in?

Either way, their lips were now less than an inch away from each other and-

“Two minutes to curtain!”

They startled apart, and Steve cleared his throat.

“We should get-”

“Yes,” she agreed dashing out of the dressing room and toward the wings.

She fumbled to get her last clip in place with how much her hands were shaking.

Peggy leaned against the closest wall and tried to control her breathing and hammering heart.

What the hell was that?

...

Something was wrong.

To be fair, Peggy didn’t have any reason to believe that there was any threat near. She’d taken all her normal precautions before the show, and hadn’t made any threats close to them.

But there were goosebumps on her arms, and Peggy knew better than to ignore her instincts.

“Don’t lift the motorcycle,” she whispered into Steve’s ear as she danced by him.

Though her voice was quiet, she knew his enhanced hearing could pick it up.

While she didn’t know what the threat was, his final pose left him far too vulnerable for her liking, and if he went down, so would Sybil, Beth, and Gwen.

Steve gave her a confused look.

His head then snapped to look at the audience. Peggy followed his gaze and noticed the man who had just stood up in the middle of the song.

He began to raise his hand, and Peggy launched into action.

She broke formation and tackled Steve out of the way. She felt two bullets lodge in the back of her right shoulder and she let out a small cry of pain.

Chaos broke out among the crowd and onstage as everyone screamed and began to disperse.

Peggy used her left hand to pull her carefully concealed gun out of its holster and aimed it toward the group of men now charging toward Steve.

“What the hell is going on, Betty?” he asked as he saw the blood coming out of her shoulder.

“Hydra,” she told him, hissing in pain as he scooped her up and began carrying her toward safety.

“How do you know about Hydra?”

“My name is Peggy Carter,” she explained, returning to her natural dialect. “I’m with the Strategic Scientific Reserve. I was sent to protect you.”

“What?” he asked tightly, his eyes rife with hurt and betrayal.

The pain in her shoulder was now rivalled by the ache she felt in her heart.

“Steve, I-”

The sound of a gunshot behind them brought Peggy back to reality.

“Look,” she told Steve. “I know this is confusing and you’re unhappy with me right now, but we need to get out of here.”

“I can’t just leave everyone else,” he said defiantly his eyes flicking around the half-empty auditorium as everyone scrambled to get out of harm’s way.

“They’re after you. The best chance we can give them is by leading you away from here,” she reasoned, growing increasingly frustrated with him.

“Fine,” he agreed. “But you owe me an explanation.”

“If we live, I’ll tell you anything you like,” she agreed.

[scriptaed]

his side, her side | 12:02 a.m.

genre: angst/fluff/implied smut;

pairing: reader x jungkook;

length: 1.7k;

synopsis: a collective snapshots in time shared between two, whose fates were undeniably intertwined and futures would never come to be.

her side;

[12:02 A.M.] happy 420 birthday hahah

Casual yet thoughtful with a dash of humor—it’s the least embarrassing text you could muster. The clock had just struck twelve, marking the first hour of his birthday, and you had spent the past ten minutes crafting a text of four words that he would probably spend a mere three seconds skimming through. The thing is, if you were to be completely honest with yourself, two minutes is an underestimate of your total time wasted on this simple task; because truth is, you’ve been entranced by your daily reveries and nightly fantasies that were your dreams ever since your paths have intertwined for the first time on a project at work. 

Your history with him began much farther into the past than five months back, however. Aloof, cold, yet chic, Jungkook and his nicely kempt, side-swept hair had caught the eyes of every girl in your orientation group just two years prior. Perhaps it was your preference for exuberant boys or your avoidance of bad boy lookalikes, but Jungkook had left little to no impression on you during the first half of the year. Sometimes you wonder if he, too, had failed to notice you. 

Ironically, it was only when your second partner at work had pointed out the charming looks of the boy’s that you were reminded of his existence. 

“Hey, you know that guy from across our station?” she whispers under an impending fit of giggles. 

“Oh,” you pause for a moment to scavenge through a mental image of work, “you mean Jungkook?” 

“Yeah, you know him?” 

“Well, we’ve talked occasionally—” more interestingly, you’ve noticed his multiple failed attempts to befriend another man, Taehyung, who’s been pining for you in the past months… but you decide to keep that to yourself for the sake of Jungkook’s suave reputation “—but why?” 

 “Don’t you think he’s kind of cute?”

“Uh… I guess?” 

It wasn’t a lie. Really. Precisely half a year ago, the boy was just another one of your colleagues  with a slightly above average look. From meeting at orientation and occasionally bumping into each other in the coffee room, you had never paid much attention to him; but it’s almost as if your friend’s admiration had suddenly piqued a newfound interest in him… because the more you think about it, the more you’ve realized just how often you’ve crossed paths with this boy you’ve probably spoken to for less than a total of one minute. Now, you wonder: has he also come to recognize this oddity between you and him?

There was an undeniable connection, nonetheless. Between you and him, like two classmates sneaking peeks at the other, one knew of the other, despite the lack of effort to communicate. The opportunities to meet were endless, but neither made the leap to fully engage until the both of you recognized the other when you were partnered for a shared project just months prior—and ever since then, flutters of your heart has incorporated itself into your daily routine. His smirks at your dumb jokes, his primmed grin at your clumsiness, his divinely chiseled jawline, his subtle gestures of concern over your nightly walk home, and his hushed presentation of which his words were reserved for the occasional curt jokes and uncensored curses became his irressitable charm. 

Before you knew it, your friends would watch you awe over his looks of which you would claim to be his only redeeming quality. Before you knew it, your feelings grew by the second but your heart shunned the possibility out of a last resort to save an impending ache. 

He’s too good looking. Too many girls fawn over him. He has absolutely zero interest in you. He isn’t that great anyway. What does he have going for him other than that damn crooked grin of his? And his muscular build? And his overly explicit jokes that you never would have thought would come out of the mouth of a remote man like him? 

Why does fate seem to perpetually tie you down to a man like him, time after time? Perhaps it’s the hopeless romantic in you that’s speaking, but from orientation to bump-ins both inside and outside of work, you’ve started to succumb to the idea of a destiny in which fate would inevitably bring you two together. 

[3:04 a.m.] thank you! Lmao

You would soon awaken to the next morning after a night long of anxious anticipation. Your heart would panic in a frenzy at the mere heart he had sent you as a reaction to your message. 

3:04 A.M.

He must have been awake late into the night, probably playing his last round of Fortnite. You would probably tease him tomorrow over his obsession with computer games, as you always did, and he would probably laugh it off with a plea for you to stop your incessant teases.

...or, he was up with that one particular woman you had seen him chatting with at work. You were never the type to overly inspect punctuation use or time stamps—hell, you were never the one to chase in the first place—but why else would he be up so late on his birthday? The sighting of the two and their names that would pop up occasionally on your social media feed would always sting your chest—and ashamedly so. 

She’s beautiful. She’s popular. She probably got along well with Jungkook—something which you never seemed to be capable of, for your eyes would waver and your mind would blank whenever you were around him. Jungkook probably saw much more in her than you. Even though you two were the familiar ones. Even though you knew him first. Even though fate provided you endless opportunities to seize yet you would never come to do. 

This is why you deny this crush of yours with every ounce of your heart. This burning, unwarranted jealousy would be the bane of you. Your friends shall never hear of this pain nor of the butterflies in your stomach instigated by that boy’s simplest of gestures—he had replied to you with a heart, not to mention. 

It’s pathetic, but it’s enough for your foolish self; because even now, at this very moment as you lay in bed with your phone over your chest and your lips stuck in a wide grin, you relish in the ephemeral heights of cloud nine. 

Despite it all, you try to convince yourself: this would be nothing more than an infatuation, for something tells you your heart could not handle the truth of his whereabouts. 

-

his side;

[12:02 A.M.] happy 420 birthday hahah

He doesn’t realize it but an evident, crooked smile presses against his lips. She’s the first and only notification that lights up his phone screen. Aside from the distant lights of the cityscape dozens of floors below, her message illuminates his eyes amidst the darkness of the hotel room.

She’s the first to remember, he repeats to himself silently, the first to wish him well. 

“What are you looking at?”

With a simple click, he turns his phone off right as the bare chest of a woman spreads warmth against his back. She begins to press firm kisses down his neck and shoulders as her hands explored his hard abdomen along with the domains of what laid beneath the zippers to his pants. 

“Let me guess,” she muses at the lack of a response to her touches, a rare occasion for him, “is it Y/N?”

“Why do you care?” he says after a stagnant pause. 

“I don’t… unless you like her,” she watches him as he does her through the floor-length mirror. “What’s she doing texting you at midnight anyway? Something special today?” 

“Fuck if I know,” he mutters when she slips her hands underneath his waistbands.”

“Does she like you?”

The boy chuckles amusedly, “the hell? No. I’m nothing but deadweight to her for our project.”

“Did you meet her through this project?” 

“No. We’ve crossed paths multiple times before,” he recalls the shifty gaze of hers with a grin. “I don’t think she likes me.” 

“Oh? What’s there not to like?” she marvels at his muscular stature as her hands went to work. “What if she does like you, though?”

Jungkook nearly bursts into laughter—or at least the most of a laugh he could muster. The thought of Y/N’s admiration amuses him almost just as much as her peculiar actions, from her constantly flickering eyes that would avoid his gaze to the dozens of times he had easily spotted her in a crowd of many in locations that could never be by mere happenstance. 

“No,” he muses, “why would she?” 

With a meek smile and a cautious heart, she peers up to meet his eyes, “and do you… like her…?”

Like her? 

“No,” the grin from the joke before disappears from his lips, for his answer was uttered with sincerity. “Not that way. We’re barely friends…”

...at least to her.

The girl’s lips stretch from ear to ear in delight. Grabbing his phone and tossing it to the side with a newly found confidence, she turns him around to place a kiss to his lips. 

“Then why do you keep smiling at your phone like that?” 

“I am? Damn, the fuck’s wrong with me?” he quips with a lopsided grin. “Another round?” 

The girl squeals when he roughly pushes her toward the bed, the back of her knees hitting the edge as she topples onto the mattress in a fit of giggles. 

The boy doesn’t know it, but the girl takes notice of the knitted brows of his that told her his mind was elsewhere. He approaches her quicker than usual, his hands are rushed, and his lips are absentminded with the sole purpose of pursuing pleasure all in a fruitless attempt to bury his thoughts elsewhere. 

Why was he grinning? What did Y/N think of him? And what is it about her that amuses him so?

Through the remaining hours of dawn, from a room that towers over the city where he figures she must be indulging in her favorite mochi ice cream, he tries to convince himself: she would be nothing more than an infatuation, for something tells him his heart isn’t prepared for its own truth. 

[rpgmgames]

March’s Featured Game: acai cOrner

DEVELOPER(S): moca & Mitty ENGINE: RPG Maker 2003 GENRE: RPG, Adventure, Surreal SUMMARY: acai cOrner is about Mizuki, someone who has fallen into the sewers and who happens to find their favorite electric guitar! Upon obtaining the guitar, Mizuki turns into a magical girl who must defend herself against spooky sewer creatures using the guitar's magical powers.

Download the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *moca: Hi, I'm moca, a Starbucks barista aspiring to be a writer and game developer. I have been making RPG Maker games for about six years now, with my first two projects being a Pokémon fan-game and a Corpse Party fan-game. Those two happen to be my two favorite franchises as well! I have also created the RPG Maker game MOMOKA (IGMC 2018). I have founded a group called 'Team Shibu!' dedicated to making horror games! Our current project is a RPG Maker survival horror game named 'Katharsis'.

*Mitty: Hey there, I'm Mitty! I've been working with Moca on several games for a while now, helping with mostly graphics! Please support him, as he is very kind and hardworking!! I'm also the main developer of a game called "Marinette", so I hope you'll check that one out too, when the demo is released!

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *moca: acai cOrner is an experimental spooky RPG Maker game that only uses 4 colors! You are a magical girl with a just-as-magical electric guitar that you use to fend off spooky sewer slimes and other weird enemies you find in the surreal sewer system. It's half exploration and half RPG battles. What inspired me to create acai cOrner initially was to actually get myself back into the groove of making games again. I had just recently came back from a hiatus and found myself having trouble getting back into the development of 'Katharsis'. That's when I decided to make a short, experimental game to get the juices flowing.

How long did you work on your project? *moca: acai cOrner was finished in just about under a month!

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *moca: I had always wanted to make a Yume Nikki-like game and thought this was the perfect opportunity to try. So for the more surreal parts of acai cOrner, I took inspiration from Yume Nikki and a Homestuck random planet generator. Gameplay wise though, I took inspiration from a RPG Maker game called Ghost Suburb 0! I really loved how unique it was, especially with the timer and no dialogue aspect. I knew I wanted to do something with a timer, so I tried a rogue-like approach with the gameplay.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *moca: If you played any of my previous projects, you know that acai cOrner is vastly different than anything that I have ever done. I'm so used to using words to describe the violence in my games, so when it came to making the story, I had a lot of trouble. It wasn't until I looked deeper into why people like these types of games that I had realized that people like to interpret the story on their own, guided by exploration, to enjoy these games. After that, I let loose a bit and made something more open-ended. Another challenge was the difficulty. I was the only one playtesting the game, and since I knew the game front and back, and had no trouble getting the ending. That's why when I sent out demos to friends, I was really discouraged to hear that the experience was mostly frustrating and rage quitting-inducing haha. I worked closely with their feedback and made changes accordingly to make the experience less frustrating but still difficult. *Mitty: I think I was going through a weird artblock during the development of the game, so for some of the illustrations and backdrops for each area's fights, Moca sketched out the basic idea of what it could look like, and I just put my spin on it! It made the work much easier and faster!

Did any aspects of your project change over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *moca: Well, the game was meant to be short so there wasn't room for any big changes. Sure there are a couple gameplay changes and enemy tweaks, but not anything mindblowing. I added in the idea of making four surreal worlds kinda last minute, if that counts, haha.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *moca: In the beginning, it was just me! I didn't think I was gonna need any outside help since this was supposed to be a relatively easy project to release, but the further in development I got, the more I realized the game needed pizazz. The four color limitation wasn't enough for my lack of graphical talent. That's when I contacted Mitty about helping with the games battle backdrops and sprite animations! She is also a member of Team Shibu!, but we have collabed together even before that. Her art really made the project shine and I enjoy working with them on games! *Mitty: Moca contacted me, and I wanted to help! We are working together on another game called Katharsis, so we are quite familiar with each other. I like working with other people, especially if I'm not in the lead, it releases a bit of the pressure I feel sometimes ahaha

What is the best part of developing a game? *moca: To me, it's seeing everything come together and just... working exactly the way you envisioned it. As a game developer, you section the game off into parts to make development much more organized and faster but seeing it all come together in the end. Pure bliss *chefs kiss*. *Mitty: I like a bit of everything, but currently I've been enjoying animating and spritework, as well as map assets' designs a little more than usual!

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *moca: Mm... not really! I have an idea of what the engine can do, so when I do go out of my way to player other RPG Maker games, it's usually for writing inspiration rather than gameplay inspiration. Ghost Suburb 0 is something that I accidentally stumbled upon and immediately fell in love with it the minute I played it haha. (Fun fact: the developer of Ghost Suburb 0 is apart of Team Shibu! and is in charge of monster design!)

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *moca: There is a rat in the game that is internally called 'Ratthew' who leads you into a funky room. I relate them the most. *Mitty: I relate to the land sharks the most on a spiritual level. They are pretty much confused beans, and that's very relatable.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *moca: I wish I added more random spooky events and trap rooms. But the game was also supposed to be short and I knew that if I kept adding more and more things, development was never gonna end haha.

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *moca: Well, by the time this interview comes out, there should be a new update for the game. The update should include 100% custom music by a talented composer, and a nerf in difficulty. As for sequels, who knows! The next time you see acai cOrner may be in 3D.

What do you most look forward to upon finishing the game? *moca: Definitely the fan reaction! The satisfaction of seeing your work being noticed by people and actually enjoying makes me happy. It's also the relief of just... finishing something! *Mitty: For this particular project I was obviously looking forward to seeing what people said about the little animations and such ahaha! I also was curious about the reaction to the timed difficulty mechanic, I had never seen anything like that before Moca presented it to me, so I had no idea on what people's feedback would be.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *moca: How people will handle the difficulty. The game isn't supposed to be completed on your first playthrough, but in 2-3 playthroughs. There are rooms and places that are meant to waste your time that you should ideally skip the more you play. By later playthroughs, you should be shaving time and be better. I understand that it's not handled as best I could, but I think the experience should still be challenging and hopefully fun! *Mitty: I was a little conflicted on the timed mechanic, I loved it because it's pretty original and helps set an interesting athmosphere of worry and unease, and also seems to tell a bit of the vague story; and at the same time I don't like it much because I prefer more story-driven games and the vagueness mixed with the mechanic feels different from what I'm used to playing! I think it's more of a personal taste kind of thing, it was an experimental jam game, after all!

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *moca: Take it easy! Take short breaks throughout development. And most importantly, have fun. If it's a hobby and it's making you overly stressed, just take a step back!

Question from last month's featured dev @ressurflection: What would you say is the weakest part of your game development? *moca: Procrastination. I'm so bad at sticking to my own schedule, it's something that I try to keep in check when working with a team especially.

We mods would like to thank moca & Mitty for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out acai cOrner if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[adraveins]

If you're happy to do another round, could we get 2, 6, 14, 20 and 25 for the Writing Process Asks? I'm greedy and I want to know more about how the magic happens!

Of course. 💚

2. How much research do you do before you start?

That depends. The main reason I like fic so much is because it removes the need for the exhausting amount of groundwork that original stuff requires, and it lets me easily engage with the act of writing. I’ll do research for it sometimes, but nothing overly involved.

I’m currently reading three books as research for the original thing, and that’s only the beginning, so I will do a LOT for something where I have to worldbuild from scratch.

6. What do you do to fight writer’s block?

For me, writer’s block is mostly a combination of chronic physical + mental illness and working full-time (and in the past, being an overly ambitious student). There’s only so much that I can do about those things, and a lot of it is just trying to take care of myself as best I can.

I’ve also had to get comfortable with the fact that creativity comes in cycles. Which is something I hate, because I pretty much Always want to be creating, but I’ve had to learn to take a step back and turn my attention to other things and let ideas simmer for a while.

The other problem is that I struggle to write without stretches of unbroken time, in which I can really get into “the zone.” But since unbroken time can be scarce, I’ve just had to brute force my way through that particular hurdle and practice sitting down and popping off some words even if I can’t commit full focus to them.

14. What’s the longest story you’ve written? Is it finished? How long did it take you?

Thinking about it, that would actually be this Magnus Archives fic, clocking in at 150,000 words and easily going to be longer than 200k by the time it’s done. My dumb ass can’t conceptualize numbers, and I really thought that an ensemble with involved worldbuilding was going to be maybe 100k or so. LMAO. But I do enjoy writing it, it’s just going to take me a little longer than expected to finish.

I have another longfic of similar length that’s gone unfinished for a while, and it haunts me, so I’d like to work on that afterwards. I struggle to finish big projects of any nature, and I’m hoping to break the curse with that TMA fic.

But I’ve learned that I can easily spit out huge word counts whenever worldbuilding and plot are firmly in place, and that’s actually heartening for me to know. The only real hurdle for original stuff is laying out the groundwork first, which is more a matter of finding the time and energy to do that.

20. What do you wish you knew when you first started writing?

The best way I can say it is this meme:

In that everything is so incredibly made-up and invented, and that I get to pick and choose what actually matters to me. Which is a good mindset to take into life in general, but especially helpful for making sure that writing remains a joy for me and never a chore. Writing exists to make me happy, and that’s it.

25. Free space. Tell me anything you want about writing in general or one of your stories.

My mom told me that when I was little (as in, before I started school), I would dictate stories to her and make super elaborate epics with my toys (which I remember doing as an older child too). I would also bring her and my dad gigantic stacks of books to read to me, and apparently they would have to enter negotiations with me to make the stacks smaller. So this shit is thoroughly hard-wired into my brain and predates my, uh, conscious memories.

And I know this is a Pillars blog, but I am pretty proud of the aforementioned TMA fic, especially because I found the series finale kind of disappointing in how the lore and themes didn’t really go to any cool places of transcendent horror (in my opinion), and I put a lot of work into weaving that sort of thing together for the fic. I’m talking based on Gnostic theology (and other Christian flavors, though some of it in the vein of deconstructing them) and physics-as-mythos and one Margaret Atwood poem in particular (“Quattrocento”). I’m like DYING to talk about it but I can’t until the fic is done, so. Some overflow goes here. 😂

[sidecarghost]

Suptober20 - Day 21 Fear Part 1

HighSchool!AU with a little bit of Soulmate trope - this AU has a phone app that can tell you the fears of your soulmate

Part 1/2 (part 2 is an epilogue that kind of changed the feel of the story enough that I decided to split into separate post)

Summary: Dean wants to get Castiel on a date and asks his best friend Charlie for help. Charlie tries to convince Dean just to talk to Castiel, but Dean is sure that Castiel doesn't even know he exists.

“Please Charlie, have some pity on me,” Dean laments tragically. He sits at the lunch table across from his best friend Charlie. He attempts his best puppy eyes to help his cause.

“Just talk to Castiel or I can talk to him. Your plan to rig his soulmate app results is so bizarre. I really can’t believe it has any chance at working,” Charlie counters.

“You just need to have faith, and I’m sure you can do it Charlie. Please don’t abandon me in my hour of need,” Dean begs his friend.

“Okay, okay enough with the guilt trip. You owe me after this Dean. But I’m not hacking Cas’s phone. We share a CompSci class. I’ll just ask him to beta test a soulmate clone app that will be loaded with a few random things you can try to be scared of,” Charlie explains.

“Thanks Charlie, you’re my hero,” Dean smiles enthusiastically.

“I’ll work on the app later, and text you after school,” Charlie tells Dean as she picks up her lunch tray and leaves the cafeteria. Dean floats to his next class with complete optimism that this plan will work.

~~ Later on, Charlie texts Dean ~~

Charlie: How is this for the list of your fears for the soulmate clone app?

Clowns

Cockroaches

Opening up to people

Germs

Demonic Possession

Cat jumping out of locker

Dean: Really “opening up to people?”

Charlie: Yeah, you can walk up to Castiel and tell him that you like him, and you were scared to tell him before. And then we can skip the rest of this bizarre plan.

Dean: Not happening.

Charlie: Okay, then back to our overly-complicated and sure-to-fail plan. How about this list?

Clowns

Cockroaches

Public speaking

Germs

Demonic Possession

Cat jumping out of locker

Dean: Okay this will work, and I have some awesome ideas how to pull them off. Cas is in a few of my classes, so I just need to do some prep and everything will run as smooth as a drive in the Impala.

Charlie: So what are you thinking?

Dean: my awesome plan:

When I see Cas at bus drop off area, Garth can help scare me with a clown mask

During our HomeEc class I'll put a cockroach in my pie batter to scare me

Presenting our projects in civics, I can do a mini panic attack or something

During gym maybe I can get someone to sneeze on me and then overreact

I have a charm from my Uncle Bobby that he said would ward off evil spirits according to lore. But since monsters aren't real I'm not sure how that one will work.

Who has cats at school? I don't think this one will work, can you take it off the list?

Charlie: Ok, so 4 is probably enough, but ig wear your evil charm just in case. And you have totally grossed me out with #2.

Dean: hey, the things we do for love right? I do feel bad for the pie batter tho.

***

Charlie makes her soulmate clone app, and she asks Castiel if he wouldn’t mind beta testing it during their Computer Science class. Castiel looks at Charlie with a fair amount of skepticism, but Charlie is his friend so he decides to indulge her request and installs the app. Charlie tells him a story about how she hit the original app with some machine learning algorithms to feed her clone app. So her soulmate app should be just as reliable as the original. Castiel figures they can just test that theory by opening the original app and seeing if the fears listed in both the original app and Charlie’s app match. Charlie sighs, and says that is very sensible, but she thinks her algorithms may have actually found flaws in the original app, so the results could be different because hers are more accurate.

"Really you think your app could be more accurate Charlie?” Castiel asks with a heavy amount of skepticism. “As in, there is actually a chance that a random generator on some server, is in fact not random but knows who we are destined to be in love with. I don't think soulmates are even something I believe in, do you believe in them?"

"Well, I never used too," Charlie replies thoughtfully. "But I have a friend, and he has been pretty unlucky in love. Maybe some people just keep striking out, because they really were meant to be with one particular soul. And until they finally end up with that person, they just have a lot of heartbreaks and casual flings. Seeing my friend struggle, is enough to make me think that sometimes, cupid can be a soulmate app. Or maybe I'm cupid in this metaphor and the soulmate app is my arrow, I'm not sure. But anyway, I guess what I mean is, romance doesn't only have to exist in romcoms. Sometimes we can let go of our fears, and believe in some greater force like destiny or soulmates or a very efficient machine learning algorithm will find us something we never knew we were missing, like the love of our lives."

"It sounds like your friend is lucky to have you," Castiel says.

"Yeah, he totally is," Charlie smirks.

"So what can I do with your soulmate app to help you and your friend's cause?" Castiel asks.

"Just look over my soulmate app results to see the kind of things that it lists as your soulmate’s fears, and I guess let me know at the end of the week if you found your soulmate, potential soulmate, or at least someone worth a date or two," Charlie says sheepishly.

Castiel checks the clone app results and laughs, "Okay, Charlie I'll keep you posted."

~~

Charlie: Castiel has the app. Good luck! Dean: Awesome! Tyyyy!

~~

Dean is not having good luck with these fears, and is beginning to think Charlie may have been right calling this plan too bizarre or complicated to succeed.

The first failure was the clown. Everything was going smoothly. Castiel was walking by him after leaving the bus drop off, and Garth jumped out with perfect timing wearing his creepy clown mask. But before Dean could say a word, Sam started screaming like a kid possessed. It was all Dean could do to calm his kid brother down and show him that it was just Garth playing a prank. Sam gave Dean and Garth the ultimate bitchface, and any hopes of that fear establishing his soulmate status with Castiel were gone.

Then there was the crisis with the cockroaches. For some reason, Garth was able to give him a cardboard box of several large cockroaches. And Dean was feeling pretty good about his chances of success, because Sammy wasn't there to scream bloody murder at the bugs. But when he went to get the cardboard box he found it empty. As the emptiness of that box registered in his brain, the shrieks from Meg and Jo's station gave him a good clue where the cockroaches were. Dean shook his head, and he looked over to see Castiel watching Meg and Jo take their rolling pins to squash the bugs. "Crap, now Cas is going to think Meg or Jo is his soulmate." Dean was definitely going to have to sell some panic for the Civics presentation.

But it seemed that fate was mad about Dean trying to rig the soulmate clone app results because the Civics presentation ended as the worst failure so far. Dean and his Civic project partners Anna and Kevin had taken their place at the front of the class. Dean checked out Castiel, who was seated in his desk and watching him and his partners attentively. Dean ran through in his head how he could nervously drop some things and sell the whole paranoia for public speaking. While Dean daydreamed a bit about Castiel's sexed up looking hair, he was snapped back to reality by the sound of vomiting coming from his left. He turned to see Kevin had upchucked all over Anna. Apparently Kevin was actually afraid of talking in front of people and that stress had affected his digestion. And it turned out that Anna was a bit of a germaphobe, because she seemed equal parts afraid of catching a disease and disgusted that her clothes were stained in barf.

Dean was faced to admit defeat, every fear meant to establish him as Castiel's soulmate had slipped through his fingers. And unless a demon suddenly appeared he was out of options.

Gym class was the last class he shared with Castiel. Dean was not going to bother to try to get sneezed on. Seeing Anna covered in upchuck was enough germs for one day. His gym teacher told the class to run laps around the building, and Dean began to run at a steady pace.

"Hello Dean," Castiel had run up alongside Dean and matched his speed so they could chat.

"Oh, hey," Dean turned to see Castiel had a slight smile and that was enough to encourage him to return with his own smile. Maybe Dean should try Charlie's original advice and just talk to Castiel. "How's it going Cas?"

"Pretty good. How's your brother? I think I saw him get upset on the way in to school today," Castiel says.

"Oh, he's okay," Dean grins sheepishly. "He is afraid of clowns, and I kind of had this prank idea with Garth. But since I can be a self-absorbed, older brother I didn't really think through how that would affect Sammy."

"Yeah, it seems like there has been plenty of weird stuff going on at school today between the clowns, cockroaches, and vomit," Castiel says cocking an eyebrow at Dean.

"Tell me about it. Sometimes I just wish I could hit a restart button, and start the day over without all the weird," Dean shakes his head.

"You know Charlie Bradbury right? If it was possible to program a restart button I would talk to her," Castiel replies. "We are in Computer Science together, and I think she knows more about the subject than our teacher."

"Oh yeah, I know Charlie. We have been best friends since kindergarten," Dean tells Castiel. "And I have no doubt that she is smarter than your Computer Science teacher."

"Do you mind me asking what that charm is on your necklace?" Castiel asks.

"Oh, just this thing from my uncle. Supposed to ward off evil things or bad spirits." Dean tells Castiel.

"I guess that would be a good thing to wear if you were afraid of demon possession," Castiel deadpans.

"Uh..." Dean finds himself at a loss for a response. Dean has the sneaking suspicion that Castiel has figured out everything about “beta testing” Charlie’s soulmate app. He considers changing course from circling the school, and instead running flat out the entire way back to his house. Maybe Charlie can get him an assumed identity.

Before Dean has a chance to flee, Castiel continues the conversation. “Do you have a cat in a locker somewhere?" He asks with interest.

"Of course not," Dean tries to hold back a laugh and fails. "Charlie was supposed to take that off the list. So I guess you found me out." Dean glances towards Castiel to get a read on his expression.

"Well, I did tell Charlie I'd give her app a chance," Castiel replies with a soft smile towards Dean. "Would you like to go on a date with me later? Maybe we can find out if we are soulmates or not."

"Yeah, Cas," Dean says with a dazzling smile. "I really would like that."

[earthendandinbetween]

Man I can’t be trusted with anything dear god.🏃‍♂️

The hideout was abuzz with energy, high spirits and cheers from the current success over driving the Dark Heroes further out in the lands. The recent battle from the night before had proven to be a complete success for the worried tribes, and only proved further that things weren’t entirely hopeless. While the Dark Heroes schemed and nursed their wounds, the patapons and their zigoton allies celebrated for the day, a well earned section of rest.

Overall, morale and excitement was high for just about everyone. ...Except for one particular general whom had nestled himself in the still half finished infirmary.

“Would you get out of the infirmary already?” Spiderton hissed, tone low and full of frustration, “You’re not injured, I’m busy, leave!”

“I’m telling you! I think I’m sick,” The dekapon in question snapped back, trying to figure out what was so difficult about this to understand.

“...You’re sick in the head, maybe,” Came the murmured response from the kibaton, “But you’re not sick or hurt physically. You can leave now.”

“Ugh! You’re a horrible medic,” Kuwagattan hissed, rising to his feet to stomp off, “Fine! I’ll figure it out myself, but if I die it’s your fault Spiderton!”

“I’m not a medic, I’m a builder!” the zigoton general said in exasperation, “You absolute thick skulled moron, I can’t believe the audacity of you sometimes. You’ve been bothering me all morning and frankly-”

Whatever vitriolic ramble Spiderton was going on fell on deaf ears as the akumapon finally left out of the infirmary, grumbling to himself over whatever it was that was wrong with him. Did he catch a cold from the snowfields when they passed through on their way to fight the Dark Heroes? Maybe. He hadn’t had that issue before, so why now? Either way, he could deal with it. Just retrace the issues and find the root of the problem! He had colds before, this wouldn’t be any different.

So what was he doing when he first felt like...this? The dekapon tapped his chin as he started for his makeshift home by the barracks, racking his thoughts for where it all started. Early before the sun rose, he was certain of that, when they were still returning from the battle. Everyone was celebrating together, he was talking with the one person he could really stand in that group and---

The tateton had held his wrist and sincerely gushed about how proud he was of the akumapon.

That was nice...He had been thinking about that moment since it happened. Shaking his head, Kuwagattan returned to thinking with a hum. That wasn’t important right now, though there was this very low sneaking suspicion that he pushed away. Just a cold. Or exhaustion? Possibly the adrenaline was still high from returning. That could make sense with how he felt.

With a sigh, he stepped into his little home, opting to just lay back and stare at the ceiling idly. A tell-tale squeak from under the nearby blanket alerted him that a certain babatto had decided to sneak in while he was away. He had gotten surprisingly used to her doing that, and when the creature scrambled over in excitement, he simply gave her a pat on the head.

“Who keeps letting you into my house?” He mumbled, though the tone was more soft than truly annoyed, “I’m kind of caught up with something right now, bat.”

Squeak.

“No! I don’t know what’s going on!”

The babatto clambered closer, headbutting Kuwagattan’s side with another soft chirp, her wide eye blinking once or twice as she tilted her head.

“No! I’m not soft, it’s not….it’s not that!” He shouted, bringing a hand to his overly warm face as he continued “I’ve never been that soft, never will!”

...He was talking to an animal. Who had no idea what he was talking about nor could even suggest or speak outside of squeaking for food or attention. What was he doing? 

The akumapon general sat up, groaning in frustration, muffling the sound with both hands this time.

“I’m talking to a babatto!” He hissed quietly, “Oh my god I’ve gone insane.”

With a sigh, he stopped denying the fact that this was not a fever, but a faint purple blush that had cropped up for the third time that day. He couldn’t let anyone see him like that.

Maybe he’d lay here and die instead! That could be a solution. Forget all about this weird feeling and just stay here forever. No one would mind, surely.

...They’d mind. He’d mind too.

It’d go away. He had never felt this before in the past, and it’d disappear by the next morning. Certainly.

What if it didn’t?

Kuwagattan kicked the wall he was laying beside, rolling back into a sitting position with his eye narrowed in complete frustration. He was tougher than any petty emotion, he shouldn’t have even given all this insanity a second thought. Yet here he was, letting all this get the best of him!

Pulling the babatto at arms-length, he decided to use her as a way of somewhat figuring out what to do himself. She couldn’t talk back or mock him, making her basically the best conversation partner.

“Look I’ll just---” He thought for a moment before continuing, “I’ll just avoid Gong until this all blows over. Can’t have emotions if there’s no one there to exasperate them, right?”

In-response to being slightly jostled, the fuzzy creature flapped her wings in minor annoyance, offering up a gentle warning growl.

“Ugh, yeah, you’re right. He wouldn’t let me do that,” The dekapon mumbled with a roll of the eye, trying to ignore the slight pang in his chest at the idea, “Besides I uh….Wouldn’t want to worry him like that.”

...Damn it. There he went again, overthinking how the other general would worry about him and how he found it obnoxiously sweet.

Oh no.

“You don’t think he’s---” Kuwagattan coughed awkwardly, “Worried now, do you? I kind of ran off to the infirmary really abruptly earlier.”

The babatto in his arms shuffled slightly, turning her body towards the entrance of his home with a peep.

“...You’re not helpful,” He grumbled, releasing the bat from his arms, watching her scramble back to the warmth of the blanket off to the corner, “I’ll just. I don’t know. Make sure no one’s looking for me real quick.”

He took a few tentative steps forwards, barely peering out from behind the cloth marking the entrance of the home, glancing about like some sort of paranoid hermit. Gods, this looked pathetic. Don’t--- just don’t think too hard about it. That’s what he told himself at least. It’s fine.

Off nearby were the two zigoton generals chatting amongst themselves. Kuwagattan had to assume that  Gong had come to ask Spiderton about how things were going at camp, and judging by the absolute annoyance etched on the kibaton’s face and anger in his movements, most likely he was going off on a rant about the dekapon again. He could guess where this would go from there, and he wasn’t exactly anticipating the results. Spiderton would talk about his admittedly rash choice to visit the infirmary and ‘bother’ the zigoton for most of the morning, Gong would say he would deal with it, and well--

He sighed. Just don’t think too hard about it. He’d say he’s fine and send the tateton on his way for the day. Easy. Just--- claim he’s tired and needs more rest or something. That wouldn’t be worrying nor suspicious.

Or blame it all on Spiderton. That typically worked most of the time to deter any real conversation on the actual issue.

Well, might as well get this all over with. With a deep breath and quick check to make sure he looked presentable and not flushed any longer, the dekapon scurried out of his makeshift home, running up to the two. Spiderton offered an exasperated roll of the eye as he approached.

“Hey what’s the nerd so worked up about? I could hear him from my spot,” He snickered, offering up a ‘smirk’ when the other general growled at him with a cross of his arms, “Did he run out of metal again?”

“Oh I’m not dealing with you again, absolutely not,” The kibaton grumbled, turning on his heel to make a hasty exit, “Stay out of my infirmary, and stay away from my projects you giant--- ugh--- You giant menace!”

He snickered in response, amused at just how quickly he could annoy the other. Incredible everytime, really. The same response no matter what he did, always met with anger and ramblings that he was fairly certain even Spiderton was aware that he did not listen to nor care about.

“Spiderton,” Gong stated softly, trying to break up the tension, “I told you I’d see what the problem was. You can return to your work now, if you would like.”

And as the spider-helmed general departed, all attention was now on him. Kuwagattan fidgeted very slightly despite his attempts not to as Gong held his gaze for a moment, brow quirked in that stupid familiar worry again. This is why he was soft, he was surrounded by overt softness and stupid--- stupid kindness! He should’ve just went on his own way and left this all behind!

...He didn’t mean that. He knew he didn’t mean that. That’s why he didn’t say it.

Ugh. He really was losing his toughness. What a shame.

“Kuwagattan?” The gentle tone shown to him made the dekapon’s heart tick just a little faster despite his attempts to prevent it, “Are you quite alright? I was told that you were hovering around the infirmary today.”

“Uh yeah,” He hated how his voice was lacking it’s typical confidence right now. That’d be picked up on so easily, “I thought I was sick but--- I think I was just exhausted. You know, same reason I don’t do vigils. That and y’know, any opportunity to bother the nerd.”

Nailed it. Perfect excuse.

“You’re positive it was just exhaustion? I would hate for you to be truly ill and not tell us the truth...”

Not the perfect excuse, not the perfect excuse! His body froze up momentarily, gaze darting to the side to think of anything else. He should’ve known this was a bad idea.

“Ugh-- Yes I’m sure,” He masked it under a layer of false annoyance, “Don’t patronize me, I know what I’m doing.”

“...You’re trembling.”

He absolutely was, wasn’t he? The akumapon was completely wrapped up in this stupid emotion and it was getting much harder to hide it. Ugh. Just his luck. This couldn’t end well, something bad would happen and he would have to go off on his own away from the tribes again. He didn’t want to do that again, not when he felt like he belonged somewhere for once.

“...I just have a lot on my mind,” It was a half truth, really. He did have a lot on his mind, but not typically about any...differing situation or emotion currently, “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. Really.”

“Would you like to tell me?” Gong responded, hand moving to gently rest on the top of his own, “You know I wouldn’t mock you for whatever it is.”

Of course he was going to pry like that. There was never hiding anything around the tateton general, he always found everything out one way or another. Some sort of sense of needing to fix or take care of everything that was established way back in zigoton territory. He could keep telling half truths, throw the other off and have him think he fixed the issue. He’d stop then.

If only the dekapon could get his own emotions under control that easily. He felt way too warm and way too nervous. That wasn’t like him at all.

“Uh...I guess,” He grumbled, fighting the oncoming flush he could feel approaching, “Just--- Don’t pry too much about it.”

“If it’s that personal, I won’t. I promise.”

Great. Great. That’d work. Just admit to having some sort of soft feelings for someone, that’d explain his behavior and it wouldn’t have to go any further than that. He wouldn’t know. This could be put to rest very quickly.

“Alright, fine,” Ah, right on cue. He knew the purple color his face was taking was growing more obvious, “I might--- I don’t know. I might--- Be fond of someone- ughhhh- And I hate it. I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

He took note of the slightly surprised look Gong offered in response that slowly turned into a polite ‘smile’ as he took a step back to sit, motioning for Kuwagattan to do the same.

“I see!” The zigoton chuckled, “You really have changed a lot, haven’t you?”

Don’t remind him.

“And I am assuming you’re worried these feelings will make you seem weak?”

The dekapon furrowed his brow with a groan, “You know me too well. I hate that. Look, I know you’ll say something about ‘not being weak’ blah blah….Just move onto whatever stupid advice you have.”

Stupid advice...He knew he was absolutely lying through his teeth about how he actually felt about the sincere words that were often thrown his way. He appreciated them way more than the other knew, often clinging to even the slightest praise for days on end. If anything, he was more mad at himself over that.

“Hm, alright, I’ll move past the reassurance,” Gong responded, hint of amusement in his tone, “You’re clearly not in the mood for this to go on for very long.”

“Yeah, you think?” The beetle-helmed general huffed, “I’m not used to this, just--- hurry up so I can like--- I don’t know, move along with my damned life?”

“No need to get aggressive with me. I’m only trying to help,” He bit back the guilt he felt for the slight snap as the zigoton spoke, “If you truly want my honest advice on this, I would simply tell you to just...Be honest with them. Everyone here is nice enough, though I know you doubt that.”

Tell him? Tell him?! Oh no, no absolutely not. He was not risking that at all. Why did he have to go and ask for advice like that? That wasn’t helpful.

“Uh- why would I do something stupid like that?” Kuwagattan held back the rumble of a purr as the other rubbed a circle into the back of his hand, “I want it to go away, not--- that.”

“I cannot help you with that,” Gong quirked his brow, “I’m only telling you what I know typically works. ...Are you possibly scared of rejection? You of all people?”

The hint of a joking prod at him made the dekapon shiver again. He didn’t deserve the kindness and he wasn’t about to admit that, yes, infact, he was very scared of rejection. Ending up alone again. This was ridiculous.

“Pft, no,” He opted to state, “Why would I care about that?”

“Then I’m not sure what you’re so scared of, Kuwagattan,” Gong hummed softly, “I think anyone would be lucky to have you looking after them.”

That sentence was enough to stun the dekapon for quite a few moments, fidgeting aggressively with his  free hand as his heart raced a bit faster again. He didn’t mind so much this time, unable to keep back the strange rumble of a purr that he almost forgot he was capable of. Lucky? Really? With him?

Was that maybe a---

Well it could mean--

Did it?

Should he maybe-…

He wanted to, badly. Oh no, what had he done to himself? Of all the days. It...It couldn’t end that poorly, could it? The tateton was too kind to possibly hate him for it, right?

“Well uh, that’s really nice of you to say about me,” he coughed slightly, aiming for just a little distraction for just a moment, opting to snatch both of Gong’s hands in his own, “Really, you uh--- you didn’t have to say that.”

The zigoton glanced downwards, creasing his eye like he was contemplating something, looking him up and down with a hint of confusion. Kuwagattan figured this was a silent question for what he was doing. ...He wasn’t entirely sure himself, honestly.

“And uh well um,” He stuttered slightly, unsure of where exactly to go from here.

The next action he opted for was quick, but shockingly gentle coming from the akumapon. He had remembered, though a bit vaguely, that typically zigotons showed affection through lightly bumping heads. The dekapon mostly remembered this fact from two rather obnoxious soldiers, practically inseparable those two. That was really besides the point, he figured, as he gently pressed his forehead against the tateton’s before rather rapidly pulling away.

Maybe that was a mistake. Too late to take it back now.

Gong tensed for a moment, eye wide and staring almost blankly in shock. The typical, relaxed and seemingly ‘all knowing’ air the general tried to carry had completely evaporated, replaced with that of confusion. Soon, however, he relaxed, red creeping up over his face with a blink.

“Uhm--” Kuwagattan coughed, “...So I--- guess that was obvious enough. Sorry. I’ll--- uh I’ll let you go now.”

Before he could release the other general’s hands, he felt them slightly tighten around his own as the zigoton responded with a soft shake of the head, “No, that’s not necessary, I assure you.”

Oh. He really did---

Oh.

“...I’m quite fond of you as well,” Though it was much quieter than the dekapon’s, he noticed the purr that was occurring as the tateton got slightly closer, leaning up against him to return the affection.

“You---you’re sure about that?” Kuwagattan sighed softly, “You’re not---joking?”

“Of course I’m certain, it would be cruel of me to lie to you.”

“...Okay,” The dekapon lowered himself just slightly to be more comfortable, “I’ll trust you on that...”

This was...nice. He could get used to it, surely.

[aclosetfan]

For the Salty asks: 1, 3, 5 and 6?

Thanks so much for playing along! Ima be real with you 2 out of the 4 questions you asked really opened up a can of worms for me, and I’m so sorry. I put the less stressful ones first, and the other two are under the cut! Anyway, these were super fun to answer, but plz don’t hate me for it!! 😂😂

for anyone wondering, here’s the ask list: Salty Asks List 

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

lmao yeah. It’s petty, but honestly, people’s personal morals really bleed through into their fandom opinions, and I’m not willing to put up with any unnecessary hate, especially in environments that are supposed to be fun. I’ve even blocked a few people. In the ppg fandom specifically, I’ve blocked a person who, I guess, thought it was necessary to try to gate-keep with racist/sexist/etc. terminology and ideologies, and I truly don’t have time for that 🤷‍♀️ (a lot of people probs know who I’m vaguing, but if you don’t, you’re lucky)

I can’t say I’ve ever unfollowed anyone for any innocent/not-in-conflict-with-my-morals fandom opinions. Usually, if I don’t agree with something, I just keep scrolling because lol whatever. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.

but ngl I have unfollowed people who just get annoying 😬😬 lol

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

I went into this fandom without having too many preferences, so I didn’t have a pairing that I’ve previously hated!

I guess I could say that while I never really hated them, the color-mixing and color-clashing ships weren’t ever on my radar until I came across the fandom content. Now, I really like them! Particularly, Brick and Bubbles!

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

Before anyone gets pissed off at me, before you get into my answer for this question, I’d like to really stress that you’ve got to go into it with absolutely zero fanon context. Like, erase all your headcanons from your mind. I’m dead serious. Because I literally DO NOT get why ANY rrbxppg ship would realistically work ever.

Okay, canonically, these six little funky science experiments were dead set on ending each other. The boys were absolutely horrible to the girls. And the girls literally KILL the boys. I know in fairytale romances, nothing stops love, but bruh, it’s hard to come back from murder 😂 And yeah, I know Clipsville showed the girls and the boys together as older teenagers, and they weren’t trying to kill each other, but that was an obvious gag. In the documentary, it was revealed that that particular “clip” was made because a bunch of people wanted the boys and girls to interact again, and CN gave into the demand. (also, lol I know it super embarrassing, but I did watch the documentary. I just really like Craig McCracken) I just don’t think that realistically a canon pairing between the two sets of triplets would ever be considered a healthy relationship. 

Also, ethically, I just—okay listen, I go back and forth with this allllll the time, but the ppgxrrb ships make me confront the “Would I sleep with my clone?” question way too often. Depending on my self-esteem, the answer changes each time. Like sometimes I’m like fuck yeah I would! Other times I’m like, ew, no, I’d have to consider my clone as a twin! I know counterparts aren’t technically clones, BUT the boys really do come across as identical to the girls in the show. The only difference really is their moral alignment (I’m nixing any gender argument). So, I’m like, omg, can I honestly pair these six together in any way??? Are they too close to each other genetically in some sense for this to be morally right??? Like if you ship Brick and Buttercup together, would that just essentially be shipping Brick and Butch/Blossom and Buttercup together in some messed up way??? Is Brick just Blossom, and Blossom just Brick?? Is it better just to ship color-matching instead of mixing???  

On top of all of that, wouldn’t the boys and girls be pseudo cousins since Mojo was the Professor’s lab monkey? Technically, in canon, Mojo ends up being both sets of triplets “creator,” so could the rrb and the ppg be considered siblings of some sort? Some of you are probably like, wow, calm down. Stop thinking about it. They’re science experiments. It’s not so deep. Which I get, but I can’t stop, so let me hit you with something ten times worse: should the girls (or the boys) actually be considered biological siblings? Does sugar, spice, and everything nice make you genetically related? Nothing put in the stirring pot was organic—just a bunch of chemicals. If you ship the boys and girls together this could be a good thing! BUT, but, could some sick fuck use this information to somehow justify shipping siblings (ppgxppg or rrbxrrb) together??? This is a literal nightmare to think about!!

All in all, I can’t think about these pairings too much without getting caught up in the logistics of their existence even if they’re fictional lmaoooo! If it wasn’t for the fandom, I wouldn’t ship them together at all. I just think it’s amazing that the ships took off like they did lol, because their literal (fictional) existence is just one giant mind fuck for me. Anyway, I ship them at the end of the day, but tbh I do it with a bit of a guilty conscience. Is it morally correct to ship clone-like counterparts? Or should counterparts be treated like twins? Does it even fucking matter at the end of the day, it’s just fiction? I don’t know the right answer. But I do know the pairings don’t make sense. 

Aside from the ppgxrrb, I don’t think there are many other BIG fandom wide pairings. Still, I just want to say that I don’t get why people ship Ace and Buttercup together. The pairing sounds off a few major alarms in my head for obvious reasons. There’s also a bunch of crack ships that involve crossovers with other cartoons. Generally, I don’t mind them, but it seems popular to ship Aku (from Samurai Jack) and Blossom together. And I’m real sorry to those devoted shippers, but again I do NOT get it. I see a lot of romantic fan art depicting romantic situations with Blossom still drawn as a child, and like I get Aku is an immortal demon, so “age is just a number,” but again, BIG ALARMS go off in my head.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*

🙃 🙃 Kind of don’t want to answer this, but I will anyway because only a few people actually read my blog lolol, so lol, yep! And it’s the reds. Don’t shoot me lol. When I was in middle school, I got into this fandom, forgot about it, and then came back when I was hit by a round of nostalgia. I’m finishing up college now, and I can confidentially say that the fanon content for the reds hasn’t changed one bit. Or the demand for it.

I tended to find that a lot of red content follows many archetypes that I’m just not into. Their stories can get a real cringey, real fast. Blossom is always written like this “perfect, except she’s not (but she really is)” character. Like she’s the girl you WISH you could be, but she’s also going through a shit ton of stuff that no person IRL would be able to handle without having a mental breakdown. And sometimes, in some stories, Blossom does have a mental breakdown, but in a sexy way, so she’s still perfect. Generally, there’s still something problematic about Blossom that makes it easy for a reader to relate to her on some level, unlike the way people write Bubbles. And then there’s Brick, who’s broody, hyper-possessive or jealous, and hot figuratively and literally (gotta love the fire/ice trope). He’s the only boy—no! Wait!—the only person who could ever possibly outwit Blossom, and he is just so undeniably attracted to Blossom. They’re the smart power couple that should honestly just hook-up in Chapter One to save everybody time, but they don’t. Nah, they’ve got to survive at least two love triangles before they even consider admitting they’re attracted to each other.  

And don’t get me wrong, none of that’s bad, but there are a million fanfics that go through the same song and dance with these two. And it’s kind of easy to tell when someone’s hardcore projecting onto Blossom because the type of person they’re personally attracted to is the way they write Brick. And I’m not knocking anyone self-projecting onto characters, sometimes people got to do that to give themselves a fun mental break, but bro, I don’t want to read about it. For one, smart broody assholes aren’t my type. Maybe when I was in middle school, but not anymore. And two, it’s just not interesting to me, which is a real shame since the reds are a majority of the fanon content.

Maybe if I found more red stories where the plot isn’t character-driven but plot-driven, so I see the romance between these two characters in a context where it’s not the main focus of the story, it would solve my issue with the pairing. I haven’t found many fics like that, though.

I can’t really think of any reds fic where I’m like ey, this aint bad unless it has a “major character death” tag attached to it lmao (which are always plot driven stories). However, in all honesty, since I’ve stayed away from red content for a while now, I don’t know the current state of things. Maybe there’s been a load more development for these two, or people have broken away from the same plotlines, but I’m too busy to check. I do browse people’s fic rec lists from time to time, but it sort of feels like everyone just puts the same fics on their lists and moves on.

And before someone’s like, “well, you can say all this about the greens or the blues,” just know I’m fully aware. The greens make me cringe too because there’s a shit ton of possessive and abusive storylines filling their story tags. And what makes me super uncomfortable is how people make Buttercup hit Butch or call him derogatory names, oftentimes unprompted. I don’t know why people make Buttercup such an unlikeable and overly aggressive person. I also don’t get why they make Butch some perverted idiot, but to each their own, I guess? Still, I see these green-character patterns most often in red-focused stories, which is another reason why I avoid them. I’ve found a lot of green-focused content that strays from the abusive tropes I try to avoid. Considerably less than I’d like, but the greens are typically the b-plot pairing, so that’s to be expected. Personally, I’d really like to see more content with the greens finding some kind of inner peace, and recently, I’ve seen a few fics that have tried to tackle this concept.

And lol, if you’ve read some of my posts before, you already know that I think the blues are an underdeveloped fanon pairing. The fandom can’t ruin that pairing for me because it never does anything substantial with it.  

Anyway, at the end of the day, I’m just personally not into the way the reds are popularly written, but I get why people are and that’s good with me. 

[encyclopika]

18 & 20 For the ask game!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH KAT!!! <3 God this is long.

From this writer’s ask game...feel free to send me some asks!!! :D

Gonna link the stories here for reference and for anyone interested in reading!

The Missing Series // Fire and Brimstone

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18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

Yes, ma’am! First I’m going to say that most do not, but the Missing series, particularly all that concerning Asuka and Ai, does in a big way...particularly the completely altered timeline that follows them if she doesn’t go away. You’ve seen the comic, where Ai doesn’t lose her nerve that snowy day and makes it obvious to him she also has stock in a deeper relationship. Yeah, that one. I’m currently working on more short comics from that timeline. Not necessarily a whole story, but snippets from that fluffier timeline. But that also means a few things happen differently - for one, Krow doesn’t join the Ryukyu offices, mostly because, in that timeline, he’s allowed to fulfill his own heroic story faster than he can in Missing. He’s not actually a rescue hero, but he doesn’t have Ai around in the main series to come into that as quickly. 

I also almost went harder on Ochako’s duality in Missing, almost making Uravity a separate entity that was starting to hate Ochako’s bullshit. I honestly hated that and clearly didn’t do that. Instead, the duality is more “in her head” than anything. This idea kinda comes out in Krow and Asuka instead.

Additionally, there was, once upon a time, an alternative “Missing”, in which Deku chooses not to return to Tokyo for the Pyromancer case, and Ochako faces him alone. It gets obnoxiously dark and gritty, to the point where I’ve taken that OnO fuel and split it between Escape Artists and my little-known horror project Downpour I’ve been working on in not-secret. But, yeah, that’s definitely an abandoned plotline...*shudders*.

There are small details here and there that I changed in both Missing and Missing Out that created alts, mostly concerning Deku and how he fights baddies/figures things out, name changes for OCs, The Ring’s and Pyromancer’s whole identities changed, and Irina’s characterization has really gone through the ringer (from being another lovable asshole bird like Krow that simply gets on his nerves, to being a dangerous, but important antagonist). I also had Deku introduce the idea that people’s quirks can kill them in Missing because I intended to explore it more, and I’m not sure if that’s totally abandoned... 

Thanks for asking this one. <3

--

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Yes. 

All of that. I don’t wanna toot my own horn, but I live for hidden messages, references, callbacks, foreshadowing and symbolism. The Missing series (and to a lesser extent, Fire and Brimstone) is simply overflowing with these things...there’s so much that even with all of the people who have read it, there are still gems and Easter Eggs left to be discovered. And, before I get into it and make this post obscenely long, my reasoning for doing this is simple - I want you to read my fics again...I want to have reread value. 

I’m going to put it under a cut in case anyone wants to discover them for themselves and also general spoils. Here are the ones I’m MOST proud of or that make me laugh or, dare I say it, make me feel smart. This is not an exhaustive list, and of course, I’m not pointing out any future Missing series meta for sake of spoilers.

Titling 

Titles, titles, titles, girl you know I love titles. I’m a title SNOB. And I do A LOT of fun things with titles, such as:

1. Using the title of the fic as a buzz word and callback to the theme. 

I get real obnoxious with this in the Missing series. The overarching theme of Missing is, well, missing people, particularly in the vain of heartache, loss, and longing. And I put it everywhere:

From Missed Chance:

Despite keeping steadfast to her goals and to her future, she knew that for a long time, she'd be missing him.

From Missing:

Today, there would be an update. As much as she wished it weren't so, the only time she saw Deku was when it had to do with Pyromancer or for a brief moment before leaving the police station in the mornings. Any other time, she was missing him.

“I miss you.”

...

“I'm always missing you.” 

That's probably how he wanted it - being Asuka, the one still missing Ai, was too painful.

It couldn't ever be the same again, and Ochako was happy for it, feeling like her life was now so full.

And not a thing was missing.

From Missing Out:

“Miss me?”

“Only a little.”

But even when she was being annoying as hell, I craved her, like I knew I'd miss her. 

Still, after all that time in the cold, her lips seemed like a warm reprieve...if I could have ever gotten there...

I miss her.

I'm always missing her.

^This one’s a double whammy, for obvious reasons.

2. Using chapter titles to run with a theme, too.

This only happens in Missing and Missing Out, but, look:

Chapter titles for Missing are the life of a fire and also follow the level of stress in the fic, as well as Ochako’s feelings: Hot Coals, Rekindling, Reignited, On Fire, Blazing, Inferno, Burn Out, Backdraft

Those words are used in their respective chapters too AND we run through them when Ochako is considering confessing or not in the last chapter.

I pull the same kind of crap in Missing Out, except all the chapter titles are things Ai gave to Asuka. If it’s an object, the object is in the chapter, otherwise, it’s stated in the chapter, too.: A Desperate Lie, Lunch, Skills, Home, No Conditions, Second Chances, Worry, Agony. It’s also in reference to this, because kill me, I guess.

Bonus: Since the story is told from within the theatre of Asuka’s memories, the titles for chapters 7 and 8, “Worry” and “Agony”, are spoiled in Chapter 6 here:

I didn't know I'd missed my last shot at telling her...I didn't know that I really would be missing out on a life with her.

Because everything after this is worry and agony.

BONUS BONUS - THE TITLE OF THE FIC APPEARS HERE TOO BECAUSE I’M OBNOXIOUS.

3. Title allusions and character.

Particularly for “Fire and Brimstone”, the title sounds like it’s just about the main boys, Katsuki = Fire, and Kirishima = Brimstone. BUT BUT BUT it’s also referencing biblical shit, which is appropriate, given it’s an Angel/Demon AU. It refers to God’s wrath when people use it loosely, but it is also the torment in hell for the deadly sin lust. *hint hint nudge nudge*

--

Okay that���s enough about titles. How about the fact that 

Krow is a Crow

So many little crow quirks, lore, and bullshit is put into this character, like wow.

1. The entire concept of his quirk is all about crow lore, in that they are often connected with death in a number of cultures. This is why, although he doesn’t like to explain it, his quirk isn’t literally a sense of smell, but a little more mystical than that. It’s a sense. His quirk also references the Carrion Crow, Corvus corone, for which he’s based, which is a scavenger and is heavily associated with carrion and is native to Japan.

2. The green and purple iridescence of his wings are also referred from the Carrion Crow in particular. 

3. What’s not overly obvious is that crows and ravens have positive lore too - in a number of cultures they are guides and messengers, sometimes to people, sometimes to Gods, which Krow fulfills to both Ochako and Ai (with Ai’s quirk, she could be compared to a goddess, for which he acts as the messenger - this was how she figured their partnership would work). Krow kind of puts this and the negative lore together when he explains his quirk for real in Missing Out:

 As a teenager, I ignored them. Death is everywhere and it usually isn't important. Whatever messages they need sending, I'm not the crow they're looking for.

He also actually has a messenger bag in Missing Out.

4. It’s referenced in Missing and outright admitted in Missing Out that he’s inexplicably attracted to shiny things, which is more or less also crow lore, rather than fact, but still. 

5. Krow’s name “Asuka” is a unisex name that refers to scents, but also birds and flight. There are a bunch of different refs that say differently, but I’m sticking with that. “Dakuro” is Engrish for “Dark”, which, if you really wanna meta, is actually his last name, considering his father is British. “Dakuro” is just how the Japanese people around him pronounce it. XD

6. He admits to collecting random shit he finds aesthetic, in reference to hoarding and collecting as crows do. 

7. Asuka and Ai’s “lunch for quirk fodder” exchange, as well as his giving her the necklace and the box of quirk fodder, is in direct reference to this adorable true story.

8. Asuka speaks more than one language and is capable of mimicry during his “feral response” while fighting the Bear Trap Villain. This is in reference to the fact that crows and ravens are capable of mimicking human speech like parrots.

9. Asuka likes to sit in high places and watch people, and squats in tree for the majority of Missing Out and often bitches about walking anywhere, unless it’s to protect Ai. He has the mentality of a bird. He’s also built like a bird, with hollow bones and air sacs to assist his properly sized wings during flight.

10. He’s actually incredibly intelligent, and uses it to finagle out of tough situations and generally be a trickster, as is crow/raven lore, but crows/ravens are considered the smartest group of birds besides parrots. Unfortunately, this gets balanced out by the fact he’s a teenage human boy, which makes him lazy and capable of dumbass moments. 

11. The murder investigations - there’s a number of instances where Krow can’t help but be drawn to death from his death sense in both Missing and Missing Out. He can’t stop himself from investigating the building Pyro is hiding in, the murder warehouse, and when Ai dies. Crows and ravens will gather around fallen comrades in a mix of mourning and also in an effort to try and figure out what happened and if that threat still pertains to them. 

:3 Birb <3

--

Secret Messages and Tells and Foreshadowing and Symbolism

-In Missed Chance, the duality split of Ochako and Uravity is referenced as happening at a particular moment. Throughout Missing, Uravity is treated as apart from Ochako until the end of Missing where they “agree” on letting Deku help. It’s a duality of self representation.

-At the end of Missing, I’m hoping its clear everyone but Iida was in on leaving the two of them alone. Aoyama initiates it by leaving first.

-There are at least two instances where there’s heavy foreshadowing of the end of chapter 7, once with Aoyama:

“Then where in this overcrowded city?”

“I see. Among the clouds, then.*”

And again with Deku:

“That's a relief. Now, I just need to make sure I don't float myself into the stratosphere and you'll be right!”

-There is SO MUCH symbolism related to flying and birds, I can’t really put it all here, but it’s there. Also so much symbolism to fire in Missing, not only with Pyro’s quirk, but Ochako’s feelings..

-Krow reacts to a memory of Ai before we know she exists (since he’s hiding it) while they are interrogating Necromancer: “That’s not bringing them back. That’s nothing like bringing them back.” He also lets it slip a bit that he’d speaking from experience when ragging on Ochako about Deku. Deku also introduces the idea that people’s quirks can kill them in the same chapter, which is in reference to Ai, but also what ends up happening to Ochako, more or less.

-If you replace Ai’s name with the literal meaning of her name in some sentences of Missing and Missing Out, the UwU angst goes up to an 11. Here’s the one that’s particularly the gut punch:

Ai saved me in every way someone could be saved.

[Love] saved me in every way someone could be saved.

-End of chapter 5 of Missing Out, No Conditions, it should be obvious as hell that if Ai wasn’t in love with Asuka before, she certainly is now. Particularly in the gift box scene, he gives her...butterflies...right? 

-Ai is compared to the winter throughout Missing Out. This is more in reference to what she means to Asuka than anything else. Winter, as a season, is the great equalizer and although things die in the winter, it is also necessary to the bloom in spring. This refers to the shift in Asuka’s life because of her - his villain life ends and his hero life begins. 

-In fact, that whole scene in the snow is based off this gif, particularly the alt comic. It’s of two crows sitting in the snow kissing UwU.

-In both Fire and Brimstone and Missing Out, it should be getting pretty obvious I like to have my winged beasties flutter their wings when they’re in love. 

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Referencing Literature & Real Life & Pop Culture/Memes

-Pyromancer’s first crime in Alaska is based off the McCarthy, Alaska massacre where a lone gunman gunned down 6 of the 22 residents and injured more. Guy almost killed the entire town. Pyromancer actually did.

-I’ve referred to “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe a number of times, particularly in Krow’s famous line

“Nevermore, bitch!”

But I also referenced the Telltale Heart, The Cask of Amontillado, Frankenstein, The Wizard of Oz, and fanfiction in general. 

-There’s a pop culture reference in Fire and Brimstone from Bioshock where Shinso says:

“Would you kindly go repent at the alter? Ashido is waiting.”

And I love it a lot, because in Bioshock SPOILERS, “would you kindly” is the trigger phrase that’s supposedly controlling the player, Jack, to do things for Atlas and in canon, Shinso’s quirk is brainwashing. Mineta upon hearing it just goes “okay” and promptly does what Shinso tells him. Shinso’s brainwashing is also referred to by Mineta just before that:

“Or get brainwashed into believing fairy tales,” Mineta said flatly from beside the Angel.

-There is indeed a motherfucking JoJo’s reference in Missing. And there’s more memes where that came from.

-Krow’s use of “my guy”, “lit” etc etc. is self explanatory. He is a whole ass meme chicken.

-In fact, I call Krow and the other birds of the Missing series “chickens” because of the meme of the girl pointing to a bunch of geese saying “look at all these chickens!” In fact, Irina calls and will call Krow a “cock” in Missing Out and Escape Artists, and it’s kind of a more sinister play on this. Transplant and Keeper, during their convo in Missing Out refer to the women captive under Keeper part of her “henhouse” and that she’d need a “rooster” to go through with her plans. Krow also refers to his fight with Irina as a “cockfight”.

-I’m not religious, but the lore is fun to allude to. The religious references should be clear in Fire & Brimstone, and a lot of the words I use relate to the topic, even casually in the narration, but also when the characters say “like hell!” Also in F&B, the real Angelic hierarchy shapes much of the worldbuilding, as do the references to real life racism, police brutality, and other shit like that.

In Missed Chance, the sun coming through the window puts a “halo” around Deku.

In Missing Out, Krow refers to demons on a number of occasions, sometimes towards himself, his family (which in comes the irony, since they look like Angels), but towards the end, it’s used to explain Ai’s mental illness. There are also these choice lines that entertain the notion of heaven and hell:

  Below us was hell – mothers with agendas, school, dipshits, murderous villains, oh my! But up there? It was just us...

I was under no illusions about a heaven...hell certainly exists back down on the ground but I've been high enough now to rule the other place out. Unless this cold, quiet nothingness is supposed to be the intuitive opposite to the chaotic, unfair bullshit below.

-There’s a lot of references and characters with mental illnesses - psychosis, sociopathy, anxiety, depression and PTSD are all explored. In fact, Krow’s tendency to laugh at everything and get triggered by certain events (all of Missing Out is the result of him triggering himself in order to make Ochako realize her mistake) is a tell-tale sign he suffers greatly from PTSD, and Ai’s mental breakdowns are indicative of the anxiety I myself suffer from. Honestly, I just wanted some fics that look into it. 

-In the same strain, all of the characters in Missing present different coping mechanisms towards what first-responders actively go through irl. Much of that was taken from my own life as someone with police in the family and being married to a firefighter/EMT.  

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Okay, that’s enough. Hope you enjoyed...I certainly had fun outlining all of it XD