#sometimes i wonder how daniil deals with this

[salutethesargeant]

i feel so bad for the child already.

everyone already hyping the child as a future race driver.

if it will be a boy i can see the piquet side definitly pushing for the kid to become a driver

Course, all Piquet boys are thrown into racing for better or worse rates of success. I won't deny that if the kid is a boy, there will be much more favoritism present than if it were a girl. Still, even if the kid is a girl, she's bound to get more media attention than Penelope Kvyat due to marketability and a 'better' surname. (speaking of, why is there a tag for her on this site? That's weird. She's 5 — and a Kvyat, btw. 'Piquet' stop trying to erase her paternity like how Kelly wants you to so she'd get more attention)

A lot of the community seems to be actively hoping the kid is a boy and will get into racing. I've seen comparisons that Kelly is the Virgin Mary and the new baby is baby Jesus (what the fuck?) and is bound for an F1 seat just... because? But oh, apparently, that's not nepotism now. Somehow.

[shmowder]

Hi! I love the way you write, you're a great storyteller! Could you maybe write a little something about how Rubin, Daniil and Artemy would deal with a clumsy reader who often bumps into things and gets hurt? If so, I'd be grateful! I hope you have an amazing day <3

Thank you very much! I enjoy writing stories and telling them. I hope you have a great day, do take care of yourself <3

Dealing with a clumsy Reader

[fluff, overprotectiveness, GN reader]

[Artemy, Daniil, Rubin]

The Haruspex

The first time you've planted face first into the ground when walking up to him, Artemy chalked it up to a trip of fate. The second time, however, he walked faster to meet you halfway and catch you mid-stumble into the paved streets.

Call it intuition, a gut feeling, or whatever you want. Burakh seems to know exactly when to hold you by the arm just before you trip on air when walking together. He saved several obiects from breaking by catching them after they slipped from your fingers.

The two of you are on extreme opposite ends. He mastered his own body to move effortlessly; the precise movement of a surgeon was engraved into him since childhood. Learning to tread delicately despite his size and body, both as a child collecting twyre and making sure not to crush the fragile herbs roots and as a medic in the army where one misplaced step could spell his demise on the battlefield.

And you had the grace of a newly-born fawn learning to walk.

Watching out for your safety on your behalf started developing into one of his many habits, the ones that occur almost unconsciously. He just learned to stand close enough to pull you back just before you could fall into the river because you leaned too much against the rusty railings. His arm hovering around your waist whenever he brings you into his lair just in case he left another sharp scalpel or two exposed on a table.

Lending his aid to you with tasks that require precision. Usually, work around the house, like hanging a picture frame after you accidentally dropped the hammer on your foot or moving furniture and heavy boxes around.

You don't even have to ask him for help, Artemy visits you a couple of times a week to check if you need anything. Sometimes inviting you along on his grocery trips with Sticky and Murky so he gets an excuse to carry your bags and walk you home.

The two kids definitely catch on to your clumsy nature and it's clear Artemy had a talk with them about it when Murky offers to let you hold her doll for protection from bad luck while Sticky grumbles about how a doll won't help and you probably need to wear medieval knight steel armour just to walk around safely.

Sometimes Artemy feels like he should be concerned more, especially since he is finite and won't always be there to pull you away from danger and into the safety of his arms, he won't always be able to stabilise you or pick you up after you fall.

It eats him up at night.

Wondering if you got home safely, if you're eating well, if he's gonna see you tomorrow with a new band-aid on your finger, knees, or elbows.

Maybe you're thankful for his constant help, or maybe you begrudgingly accept it with defeated annoyance. Whatever your reaction may be, Artemy finds himself enjoying looking out for you. A part of him feels guilty for liking the feeling of having you relay on him in certain things.

"I'll take care of the bags, hold my arm instead...STICKY TELL YOUR SISTER NOT TO RUN TOO FAR AHEAD THIS ISN'T A RACE"

♧

The Bachelor

Is the one putting these said band-aids on you.

When he first met you, he was under the impression you were a patient coming to see him. What do you mean by no? You just came to say hello and introduce yourself? Then why do you look like someone who just came out of a brawl with a raccoon and lost? What's with all of these bruises and scratches?

Actually, it doesn't matter. This town is already full of weird people with unusual quirks. Daniil's politely insisting that you must sit down and let him disinfect the scratches, he has plenty of bandages for your brusies, too.

As Daniil works on cleaning you up, he's careful not to press too much on your bruises, asking you if the bandage is too tight or constricting as he wraps it. He gently goes over every painful spot on your body from the smallest of cuts on your fingertips to that painful bruise from twisting your ankle. Cleaning them with a cotton pad and applying the clean bandages afterwards.

Sometimes, he can't believe how one person can manage to get hurt this much in such little time. Other times, he wonders how you even managed to survive without a personal doctor accommodating you each night.

He's already busy at it, but he makes time for you. He's not going to turn someone in need away, especially someone who's hurt to no fault of your own. The human body is stubborn and uncooperative at times. He understands that better than anyone, he doesn't make you bear the blame of your limbs refusing to listen to you.

When he does scold you, it's for not coming to him sooner. An untreated papercut may result in amputation if left infected for a long duration of time. You're not a bother. You have every right to seek medical attention, and he won't turn you away from his door even in the middle of the night.

Ever since, he started carrying more band-aids and disinfecting alcohol in his bag. Each time you meet him on the street while walking around the town, he's stopping to check you over for any injuries, telling you to sit on a nearby bench as he quickly attends to you before leaving afterwards to the meeting with the Kains he's already late to. It's clear to any onlookers how much this town isn't his forte. The more days he spends here, the more symptoms of exhaustion he starts showing.

But there is something relaxing about the simplicity of someone merely asking him to treat their bruises. Finally, someone who isn't asking him to bring them the moon from the sky or solve another mystery murder.

He's delighted to get a moment to himself to take care of you. The more frequent these meetings become the more open and comfortable he becomes with you.

One time, you even heard him actually make a joke that wasn't fully oozing sarcasm from every letter. Friendly banter is rare but not scarce with him. He also enjoys sharing his medical knowledge and teaching you the proper ways to treat a cut in case he isn't around anymore.

If you do ever ask for a specific type of band-aids with colourful pictures on top, he'll throw a sarcastic comment your way about the proven scientific benfits of silly pictures of dinosaurs on band-aids, how he's not a pediatrician and you're being absurd.

He still shows up with the exact type of colourful band-aids you asked for the next day.

"The discolouration is due to the hemoglobins turning into biliverdin. It's a good sign and will go away on its own eventually. Are you feeling good enough to walk home on your own, or should I accompany you? No, I insist, it's far from a bother."

♧

The Warden

Rubin's first meeting meeting with you happened in a grocery store when you accidentally stepped on his foot while reaching for something on a high shelf. You immediately turned around to face him and apologise when you heard his wince but accidentally dragged the shopping cart along, making you stumble forward and step on his other foot.

The two of you ended up falling to the ground in the middle of the store. At least he was under you to soften the blow.

He was strangely calm for someone who just had his legs run over and back slammed against the wooden floor. Awkwardly getting up and acting like nothing happened as he picked up his scattered groceries from the floor.

You saw him staring at you as he internally debated whether to lend a helping hand with your fallen groceries or not. By the time he made his mind, you were already done. Instead, he reached over you to the item you were trying to get on the high shelf and handed it to you.

That memory of this stranger in the store stayed with him for a long while, he'd recall it while brushing his teeth or running errands. With a small town like this, you were bound to meet again.

Eventually, the two of you did. In a vaguely similar manner where your clumsiness resulted in both you and Rubin crashing into each other, with him softening your fall like always.

This time around, he made the effort to learn your name and introduce himself properly. He had an air of apathy around him like he was going through something, as if he lived in his head all the time. Rubin's eyes drifting to the side when the two of you would talk, his clothes looking as if he just threw them on after waking up without a second thought, his reponses to you rarely exceeded a sentence or two. It was very easy to mistake his demnour for his disliking you.

But he didn't. If anything, his legs seemed to take him to you in a beeline whenever he'd spot you around town. The two of you would sit or walk in silence most of the time. He wasn't as quick to pull you away before you bumped into a tree or a pole, but he'd put his hand between you and the hard surface to take the damage instead.

Just by being around you, he was already accumulating more and more bruises by the day. Ones he'd pay in your stead for your clumsiness. He never complained however.

A part of him enjoyed having you fuss over him each time he'd do it. Like that one time, you were about to touch a hot pot on the stove, and his reaction was to pick it up instead and move it away. You showed great concern as you sat him down on your kitchen chair and held a cloth with ice inside to the burn on his hand.

"I'd rather it be me than you, I can handle it."

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Dadkovsky and Clara

i LOVE their dynamic, so here’s some content

Daniil is THE reluctant caretaker

He acts like he doesn’t give a fuck about Clara, she’s just some insane brat stepping on the toes of professional adults, but the MOMENT he realizes something is actually wrong with her, he goes STRAIGHT into Dad Mode

And he didn’t even know he had a Dad Mode!

Pet names? Pet names

“Sweetheart” and “pumpkin” are his go-to for her

He questions her choice in bottoms. Her legs are going to get cold!

As such, he’s CONSTANTLY nagging her about putting on pants

“Oh, is the great Bachelor worried for me?” “No, you just look idiotic.”

(He is worried about her)

He doubts the Saburov’s ability to take care of Clara, especially given all her strange…quirks

Sometimes he finds her asleep on benches outside, groans to himself, and wonders if he REALLY wants to deal with this today. And then he trundles over to her and wakes her up, telling her she can sleep at the Stillwater instead of out in the elements.

“God, DON’T look at me with those eyes!”

He once let her use his coat because she was shivering (probably because she doesn’t wear pants), and he genuinely thought he was never gonna get it back (he did. very reluctantly)

He’s the type to worriedly insult Clara when something and happens. like, “what did you do, you stupid girl?”

He and Clara throw jabs at each other constantly, but one day, Clara was just in a really bad mood, and Daniil made a comment, and she just burst into tears

Cue Daniil going, “wait, no, no, no, don’t cry!” and frantically trying to get her to stop

Daniil Very Quickly learned that Clara is EXTREMELY touchy-feely and has no concept of personal space At All

One time, he snapped at her for hanging on him, and she looked like a kicked puppy after, so he heaved a sigh and apologized before explaining that she can’t just go and always get in people’s personal space bubble whenever she wants. She understood well enough!

She still likes using him as her own personal piece of furniture, though

She’s just very touch-starved and craves affection more than food

Speaking of food!

If Daniil has some to spare, he’ll give Clara some food

She always refuses it, though

Which makes him snap at her for being so humble in the time of a famine

After the Plague has ended and Daniil and Artemy become a thing (because we all know those two want to be together), Daniil is even more adamant on getting Clara to eat

Among other things

He’s lucky enough to have found a family in this damn town

Clara has nobody anymore

And although she acts like she doesn’t care, Daniil knows that’s not true

The poor kid is lonely. She wants a family again. But, as brash as she may be, she doesn’t want to impose, especially on Daniil and Artemy

When she invades the house (which happens a lot), Daniil forces her to take a bath while he washes her clothes and that stupid beanie

Daniil tried to teach her how to swim (because i just know that girl can’t)

“Get over here and let me fix you” -Daniil, 24/7

I headcanon Clara with claws because she’s a weird little earthborn creature and deserves freaky bestial traits, and Daniil attempts (key word: ATTEMPTS) to clip them because they’re a safety hazard for EVERYONE, including herself, and she is SO DRAMATIC about it. yowling and crying like a dog getting its nails trimmed. Daniil thinks it’s amusing. and then she bites him.

She once fell asleep in his lap, and he Could Not Move

[weraceasone]

I just saw your answer on Alex being a test driver and I was wondering, what do you think of Christian Horner? My father, really dislikes him. He says he is not the right coach for young drivers who want to drive for Red Bull. I agree with him, but would like to know what you think of him? He has been working for Red Bull for a long time and maybe he is a good teacher and am I judging him wrongly...

It’s by the way a great day, you know why? Because it’s Sir Lewis’ birthday! Our king.

hey Anon!

you know, I’m not really a person to talk about other people in a very negative way. however, I just don’t really like Christian Horner.

I mean, I just think he’s taking the wrong approach when it comes to managing Red Bull. obviously he has to deal with a character like Helmut Marko next to him, but I think he’s giving in too much to frantically changing drivers in order to find one that can live up to Max. and obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of everything that goes on behind the scenes, but it always surprised me to see that Alex gave a lot of feedback on the car and continuously spoke about his preferences and what he thought was the best strategy, but it was just always completely ignored, race after race. and I guess you can also blame other people in the team for that, but as Christian is a very important person in the team, I imagine that his opinions weighs more heavily than others’ opinions do. I just don’t think it’s a good thing for a team principal to do, to focus on a first driver so much, you’re not even listening to the second driver’s feedback (and I do want to add a little disclaimer that I do not know exactly what goes down behind the scenes at Red Bull, but this is an impression that I’ve gotten over the years).

something that not necessarily has to do with Red Bull as a team, but one thing that really rubbed me the wrong way was how Daniel was invited to Christian’s wedding and Daniel even drove the car that Christian and his wife were in, while Daniil (who was Daniel’s teammate at the time) did not even get invited to the wedding. I can completely understand that sometimes at work you have a better connection with a certain person than you do with another, but the idea of the first and second driver translating so clearly into real life, it just rubbed me the wrong way. I just don’t think it’s a nice thing to do, I would never do something like that and I just... I don’t like it.

I do want to add to this that what I think about how he does his job, and how he treats the people at his job or that he knows from his job; I don’t think that necessarily reflects on him in his private life or him as a dad or anything like that. obviously I don’t know anything about that and I don’t want to give of the impression that I think this man is pure evil, I don’t know him personally and I wouldn’t be able to give an opinion on that.

I hope this was understandable and answered your question, Anon. I hope you’re having a good day! 🧡

[arysthaeniru]

What if Clara was a midwife?

“The midwife is a relic of barbarism. In civilized countries the midwife is wrong, has always been wrong. The greatest bar to human progress has been compromise, and the midwife demands a compromise between right and wrong. All admit that the midwife is wrong.” - Dr Joseph DeLee, 1915 being completely wrong. 

Listen, I love Clara so much. She’s so weird, and everybody kind of hates her, and her weird double is so trippy, and I adore her sass. And everyone knows that Ice Pick Lodge didn’t quite have enough time/resources to shore up her route in Pathologic 1. And I just keep thinking: I do love Clara as she is, but imagine if she was a adolescent midwife, instead of a weird healer child! Imagine how much more thematically cohesive everything would be!

Clara’s story route is all about how old and new CAN coexist together, but it requires maintained, thoughtful sacrifice, to create that peace. That essence of sacrifice is what every midwife goes through all the times. What can pragmatically be sacrificed? Whose life is more important? How do you deal with the tensions and demands of the old and the new, and who bears the knowledge of that sacrifice? Clara facilitating the birth of something new in the the Town-upon-Gorkhon just becomes so much more interesting with her as a midwife, instead of a saviour figure. 

I also think it would lead better into the idea of doctors who aren’t really seen as doctors solving this plague best. Artemy’s steppe knowledge and Clara’s midwife knowledge would have equally been seen as complete nonsense by people like Daniil, who don’t understand the importance behind those kinds of cures, and the sorts of relationships that have to be maintained for it. 

And why the age-up? I think it just works so much better! Part of being an adolescent negotiating your future and the rest of your life, is that constant diplomacy and sacrifice between old and new. I think it also allows for Clara to have really interesting relationships with the rest of the town’s leadership, because of how being a teenager is such a transition phase.

So imagine with me, if you will, a new Clara and a new route. 

Clara isn’t actually an outsider to the town in this version: she’s Katerina’s bastard daughter. Everybody knows the her secret identity, but she doesn’t really live with the Saburovs anyway, she has her own place, a small but well-maintained house to do her work out of. 

Alexander still trusts Clara, but he resents her now, because she’s a reminder that the lack of children between he and Katerina is not a mutual thing, but specifically his own lack of potency. I bet that would make his ego really dented, and make him even more of an asshole. 

Clara still wakes up in a grave at the beginning of the story, but this time, it’s because she actually really died. When she walks around town, her reputation drops because the dead aren’t supposed to come back to life, and most people are horrified by your existence. 

Clara, upon initially coming back, is told by the Tragedians that she has to save people with her hands--she takes this to mean she continues doing her damn job. But to do that, she needs people to trust her again, and for that she needs Isidor’s approval. Too bad he’s dead now.

Sidenote: Clara’s midwifery job sometimes meant cutting the baby out of the mother. But she can’t legally cut flesh out of anybody, so she’d call Isidor up. She never much liked his necessity, but she and him got along fairly well.

But some of the Kin say that Artemy is a menkhu like his father, so maybe she should run after him to re-establish herself? Too bad Alexander is convinced he killed Isidor, and has already killed three people in town already. Alexander’s death warrant for him means he’s already gone into hiding. She can’t convince him to change his mind about Artemy 

Katerina doesn’t trust Clara anymore: she says her real daughter is dead, and that Clara is here as a horrible monster to lead her and the town astray. She wonders if this is the morphine addling her mind, but then she meets the Rat Prophet and everything makes sense. Also it’s implied the doppleganger is coming around whenever Clara’s not there to intimidate Katerina. 

When Clara goes to sleep, exhausted, confused, and nowhere closer to regaining her job or position in the town, she realizes she’s inherited the visions which she couldn’t see before she died. She’s a Mistress now. 

Capella, who used to be her friend, and Maria with whom she used to be amicable, are unimpressed, and don’t believe in her visions too much. They’re all arguing about the role of the Mistresses in town, and now Klara’s joining the midst, it’s becoming uncomfortable. Klara’s task is to try and convince them of her own validity and her own importance to the future of the town. Capella, especially, is easier to convince, but the weird friendship that used to exist before Clara’s death, is very tenuous, and Artemy can easily fuck it up. 

Speaking of Artemy, when Clara does eventually find him, he’s not actually a menkhu yet, so he’s completely useless on that front. But also, the Plague is happening, and he’s useful there, and he’s getting the trust of his father’s people. You get him to vouch for you, and it temporarily helps, but most people are still too freaked out by you. Clara and Artemy still don’t get along, though, Artemy’s way too condescending of Clara and they bristle against each other, uneasily. 

Daniil, on the other hand, is actually impressed by Clara when they first encounter each other. After all, beating death was the dream, and Clara did it! But Clara doesn’t like how he talks about her work, and also has no idea how she survived her brush with death, so the initial interest fades off, quickly. Daniil and Clara are still prickly with each other, but the threats of violence are less frequent, because a teenaged girl is harder to threaten to spank.  

Notkin, who Clara also used to be friends with, now thinks she’s just a half soul. He’s impressed by that, though, not scared, and all of his kids trade with her. But the Soul and a Halves generally insult Clara before doing anything.  

Khan’s Doghead clan respect Clara, because of her survival, but Khan maintains that the Polyhedron rejects her because she’s too old. Cara can prove him wrong by seeing all of the beautiful mirages of the Polyedron, but also telling him they’re all lies. This can make Khan made and lock off the Polyhedron, but the dogheads will still trade. 

Grace is probably Clara’s only real friend, and even she is being intimidated by Clara’s double. Grace is very convinced by her ability to speak to the dead, and Clara believes her, but also believes it’s dangerous. 

Clara and Andrei almost throw hands on the regular, one, because he thinks she’s presumptuous and very creepy towards her brother, but two, because she also stopped a lot of Herb Brides from coming to Andrei’s establishment, because they were all getting thrush from the twyrine. 

Clara still gets the daily missions to go and verify whether people are responsible for the plague, but this time, it’s because Alexander believes that Clara has inroads with all of them, because of previous midwifey encounters with them. This is true, but most of them don’t trust Clara anymore, so she has to do a bunch of errands around town to improve her reputation and prove she remembers her midwife skills. This can be helped by visions, or by rumours. Soon, Clara starts to build a lot of reputation amongst drunks and believers of her magical miracles (mst of the violent miracles done by her doppleganger) 

Clara’s double is still around, and is still the manifestation of the plague. At several points, people will suggest that Clara’s reincarnation is why the plague is happening and it’s uncertain if this is true or not. A lot of Clara’s missions are finding the double and asking her why she’s doing what she’s doing. 

Her relationship to Bounds, I think, would also be a way to explore their sins more. I think for a mature game, Pathologic doesn’t often discuss the relationships of sex and love to death very much, and I think there are some complex things to say about love, and children, and “sin” that could be really explored through a route with a midwife main character, who’s supposed to be investigating the sins and crimes of Anna, Yulia, Lara, Grief, Oyun, Big Vlad, Rubin and the Saburovs. I think dealing compassionately with the ideas of cheating, STDs, abortions and all the stuff around sexual health/freedom of women that nobody really wants to talk about could be an interesting way of how Clara reconciles the old and the new: by revealing secrets and letting them not be foul anymore. 

[al-norton]

for character opinions... peter? & eva if you wanna do more than 1? 👁

Sure sure! 

 I've got to say though, I haven't played P2 yet, so my opinions are only based on the Patho Classic... Minus the last few days of Changeling, because I didn't complete her route yet. 

 Here's Peter! 

• How I feel about this character: I really love him. I also feel strongly for his particular set of issues. The fact that he let himself be completely defined by his creative work; his codependent relationship to his brother; the creative crisis brought on by a big success that he deems his greatest creation; the substance abuse… I think all creatives have to deal with these things more or less, and seeing them cranked up to 11 just really stokes my empathy. His condition isn’t cool and isn’t pretty, but I get it. So I just kinda want to hold him gently y’know 

• All the people I ship romantically with this character: only Daniil, I think? They are both fucked up, of course, but Daniil genuinely seems to want good things for Peter 

• My non-romantic OTP for this character: Peter and Andrey, obviously :’) but I also like friendship of Peter and Eva very much! Of course, idea of him adopting Grace also seems wonderful, but I haven’t experienced it for myself yet… 

• My unpopular opinion about this character: I’m not sure if it’s this opinion is really unpopular, but I’ve seen a couple of takes about how people shouldn’t make an accent on Peters alcoholism since even in the concept it was stated that he was ‘a deeply tragic character that should not be played for laughs as a pitiful drunk’. Well yeah, it shouldn’t be played for laughs, but it shouldn’t be ignored either, because it’s a big part of Peters tragedy! Like alcohol is literally is a depressant, capable of causing hallucinations within prolonged use. And alcoholism is a serious illness that literally ruins your brain. Yeah it is often played for laughs, but it’s just as often ignored or glossed over for the cool factor of your grizzled cool protagonist downing whiskey like it’s nothing. It’s actually really nice to see a clear but compassionate look on this problem, and I think it shouldn’t be erased 

• One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish we got more interactions between Peter and Andrey :’) maybe even have them discuss their relationship a little haha. But also I just want good things for him 

• My OTP: none really? Like, Daniil/Peter is good but I also just want him to learn to be happy on his own y’know. 

 • My OT3: none really 

 And I’m always happy to talk about Eva :’) 

• How I feel about this character: I love her unconditionally </3 

• All the people I ship romantically with this character: Andrey, Yulia, and also… Maria?? I know that Maria is evil and allegedly forced her to do the leap of faith, but I just… have a lot of thoughts about their dynamic, I think it’s really cool (I also just think Maria is really cool) 

• My non-romantic OTP for this character: oh you know, Daniil, Peter… I also think all the ladies in the town (Eva, Lara, Yulia, Anna, Maria) are tense friends and have tea-parties every week. The parties are full of gossip and philosophy :)

• My unpopular opinion about this character: again, I don’t think it’s that unpopular? But if I see Eva being characterized as ‘pretty and kind, but kind of dull and uninteresting’ in fanfic one more time I’m gonna throw chairs >:( 

• One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: it’s more like I wish something wouldn’t happen… I wish it wasn’t implied that Maria made Eva kill herself :/ I may have missed some cues on my Bachelor run since I was just getting to know the game, but it just didn’t seem reasonable to me from Marias perspective and it kind of undermined Evas believes? Not to mention it had a weird flare of ladies fighting over Daniil? Idk just seems like a weird bit of writing to me (although if anyone would care to explain in to me I’d be grateful!) 

• My OTP: Eva/myself tbh :’) 

• My OT3: hmmm none? I feel like Eva would like to keep her relationships compartmentalized hehe. But I kind of think of Eva & Andrey & Peter as a… brot3?? They are a cool group of friends where Eva and Andrey also happen to kiss sometimes! I think about them a lot as a trio :) 

 thank you for the ask ♥ and also for all the exrtimely kind Peter content :’)

[stupidpianist]

27 october 2018

10:00: Shut off alarm, hit snooze. I set my phone’s snooze to ten minutes, I should probably lower it to five because of the frequency with which I “snooze”...

10:10: Shut off alarm again, put it to snooze.

10:20: Turned off all alarms until alarms at 11h. Got up and chugged giant glass of water from Brita.

10:21: Back in bed. Trying to sleep more, not ready to “start the day” yet.

10:40: Woke up from strange nightmare in which the world was experiencing an apocalypse, hard to remember exact details, remember being on an ark-like massive boat, trying to escape from some kind of antagonistic war force? Remember there being a corrupt leader. Almost 99% of my dreams are about banal things, like, literally Googling things and reading Wikipedia, the other 1% are always really dangerous apocalyptic or life-threatening situations in which I’m trying to save as many people as possible.

11:00: Shut off alarm, turned over to right side, went into “fetal position,” thought, “wow, this is comfortable, wow, this is so comfortable.”

11:30: Woke from another weird dream, dreamt that I was seeing the band Ghost perform in Montreal, only, the crowd was really diminutive, and most of the people in the audience were inexplicably not paying attention to the show at all. I was able to go right up to the stage. They played a few songs. I woke up. Weird. Going to get up now and clean my bathroom, it needs a “thorough scrubbing.”

11:31: Chugged another massive glass of water from Brita. So satisfying, one of the most satisfying things, waking, feeling dehydrated, taking glasses of water “to the face.” Mm. Yum.

11:32: Cleaning bathroom. Have probably super-harmful-to-environment chemical thing that is used to scrub porcelain surfaces. Have my “trusty,” “handy dandy” cleaning sponge. Have paper towels. First scrubbing tub, it’s gotten so grimy, wow… I remember when I used to work in a local ice cream parlor in my town, and one of my favourite things to do would be to mop the floors. The other employees and managers found this really weird, always said, like, “nobody wants to mop the floors,” but I always explained that it was one of the few activities that you could see the 1:1 results of your efforts immediately after doing it, and so I found it really really satisfying. Feeling the same way right now, scrubbing the tub, seeing all the muck and filth wash away with every little sponge motion.

Moving onto the sink now, first have to clear everything off of it. Electric toothbrush, check. Plastic comb, check. Gatsby hair product thing, check (when Phoebe came to use my wifi she was like, “of course you use Gatsby,” and I thought “oh crap, I’ve been ‘caught,’ I’ve been ‘pigeonholed’”). Toothpaste, check. Razor, check. Scrubbing sink now, scrubbing hard, scrubbing efficiently. This chemical stuff really “works wonders,” there must be some seriously bad stuff in here… Should I be using gloves? I don’t have sensitive skin, I’ve never really had problems with… With chemicals and my hands? I don’t know, seems like I should be using gloves right now.

11:43: Okay, deep-clean scrub finished, going to shower now, been looking forward to showering since last night. Don’t know why, I shower every day? I don’t know, maybe it’s from excitement that I’m, like, “preparing for the night,” going to meet up with person I met for drinks with a few nights ago this evening, extremely excited to do this, so, like, the shower is, like, propelling me into the day? Which gets me closer to the evening? I don’t know I DON’T KNOW I’m just trying to say I’m really hyped for this shower, okay? Going to put on some sweetass shower music. I got the best shower tunes, hit me up if you want the “sickest, dopest” shower playlists. I can curate them to your specific genre or BPM preferences. Just let me know, “drop me a line.”

11:48: Putting on clothes now. Going to “throw on” my “edgy pants,” and a thermal top, and “FUNERAL” hoodie, and Walnut Hill jacket. “Standard attire,” heheh. Wondering if I should also wear my raincoat? It’s supposed to rain steadily this evening, but I don’t want to be, like, sweating… I also don’t really mind the rain, it’s just water, it’s really not that big of a deal, it’s just like, you’re wet, so what? I’ll just bring my super crappy umbrella with me, that should be enough to mitigate any “water damage” my body could take. Read in Disaster Artist yesterday that Tommy had a daily routine of drinking five Red Bulls. Reminds me of me in middle school. “Fiending for” a Red Bull today, really “jonesing” for one, going to put some change in my pocket and grab one from a dep on my way to school.

12:00: Backpack: PACKED. Wallet: IN POCKET. Keys? I GOT THOSE TOO, BABY. Going to head to school and update this liveblog, and then practice piano for however many hours my brain lets me. Not sure what kind of “piano vibes” I’m getting today, but I hope it’ll be good?? Have also been putting off listening to Daniil Trifonov’s newest album, it’s Rachmaninov’s second and fourth concerti, and some Bach transcriptions. I really don’t like the fourth concerto, and I only sometimes like the second, even though I was super obsessed with it when I was younger, in my early-and-mid teens. Remember texting one of my friends, someone I feel more fondly towards than almost any of my friends, Alex, how long it took him to learn the first movement of the second concerto, just as a baseline so I could compare my own timeline and see if I was “on par” with how good at learning new pieces I wanted to be, and he told me he learned it in something ridiculous like one afternoon. He’s one of the most self-determined people I’ve ever met, maybe the most self-determined, miss him a lot. Should send him a message, why haven’t I done that...

Sorry sorry yeah so I’m going to take some time too and listen to the album in the practice rooms. Will probably/inevitably give me more practicing motivation. I am a huge fan of Trifonov. Will let you people know how the album is.

16:25: Packing up my piano books. Hey hey hey! Hi hi hi! What’s up YouTube!! If you’re wondering how the practicing went, it was… Satisfactory. I started warming up with some Schubert, his last sonata, and promptly started like sobbing uncontrollably. Can never seem to make it more than a few pages in before this always happens. Played through the first movement and second movement, no repeat in the first just to “save time” as I intended it to be a warm up, and created a pretty substantial pool of tears on the practice room floor by the time I was done. How the heck does anyone practice pieces like this without becoming a giant mess of tears?? Dissociate? I don’t know.

Felt really really good to play through it, though; one of my favourite pieces that I love the more and more I work on it. I thought I sounded really good in the Schubert, so I moved to Alkan, which was substantially worse. Felt like I had really heavy brain fog, like, a dense miasma of brain fog. Was able to play, but felt distinct disconnection between what my hands were doing, and what my head was thinking. I really hate that sensation, when you don’t feel in control of what you’re playing, so I switched to Thalberg, which was a bit better, but really just felt off. Played it through and did a little passage work before turning to Beethoven, opus 110, another one of my favourite sonatas, and my favourite Beethoven sonata by a long shot. After working on this pretty intensely I was like, okay, so you practiced for an okay amount of time, four hours or so, and even though you didn’t sound good, or feel good, you still did work, and you still put in effort.

Haven’t gotten groceries in a long time, going to head to Provigo to get supplies for massive Greek salad and pasta, here’s what I’m gonna get:

-bell peppers

-cherry tomatoes

-english cucumber

-lemon

-kalamata olives

-dill (maybe, if i want to “splurge”)

-red onion

-feta cheesee

-pasta sauce (i’m lazy i don’t wanna make it myself don’t judge me okay)

-mushrooms

Have the rest of the ingredients like dry pasta and stuff for Greek salad dressing at home. Gonna try and “beat the rain,” too.

16:45: Success in the grocery store. Also ended up buying a large scented candle as a bit of an impulse purchase; I really like things that create pleasant/comfy/cozy scents, and my Airwick thing I plug into my wall ran out of oil, and I don’t have any more incense, so I was like, “yeah, my mom loves scented candles, I love scented candles, let’s get a scented candle, yes.” Chose “Cashmere Woods” scent. It’s brownish in colour. Hope it smells as good as the name implies, one can never tell just by pure sniffing of the unmelted wax… Very… distrustful… Oh, oh! Also got bananas. Need some breakfast food that I can take and run out of the door.

16:56: Home. Going to unpack groceries and then read more of the Disaster Artist in bed, I think. Will also catch up on some YouTube tech videos. Feeling like a real nerd right now.

16:59: Got a Facebook message from the person I’m seeing again tonight!!! Okay so we’re going to meet at 22h, that gives me enough time to be productive before then, getting really cozy in bed, “settling in” for a nice read. Heheh. Ho ho ho. Something about “hehe” is just so funny to me, I still can’t place why, can any of you help explain it to me?

18:13: Got through a whole slew of tech videos, a whole mess of tech videos. Was just starting to read Disaster Artist when I heard the notification sound from my speakers hooked up to my laptop on my esk that notifies me when my younger brother signs into Overwatch. “Chatted him up” and he said he could play A FEW ROUNDS. MULTIPLE. Do you people realize how huge this is?! Usually he just has time for one! Maybe it’s because he has a long weekend? Monday for him is a teacher’s day or something, so he gets it off. Either way, here we go!!!!

19:37: Wow those were some INTENSE games. Played tank for some of it, then DPS for most of it. Haven’t actually played Tracer in so long, I used to main her so hard. Still my favourite champion to play alongside Junkrat. We played pretty well, won most of our rounds, wow, my adrenaline is so pumped up from that, can’t believe it’s been over an hour?! Holy heck that flew by. Brother going to eat dinner now, recommended that I make greek salad. Will probably do that, or maybe go for a run?? I don’t know, I’ve been so physically inactive the past week, I feel like a slug, I should at least do SOMETHING.

20:08: Yeah my adrenaline is pumping way too hard. This always happens, as a kid even if I was just having a “playdate” with a friend, I would get so so so, uh, not anxious, but like overly excited? Manic? That I literally couldn’t focus on anything or sit still, so I’d just run around doing menial activities while sweating through my palms profusely and just feeling a huge tightness in my chest. This still happens to me, but not as strongly, I think?? Unless I’m super excited to see someone, which I am tonight?? I need to “burn off some steam,” think I’m going to go on an intense bike ride, okay, see you guys soon, yes yes YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

20:13: CHRIST ON A CRACKER I forgot it’s raining now!!! OH NO HOW AM I GONNA crap crap I don’t have a flipping fender for my bike so if I go biking I’m gonna get soaked crap crap crap maybe I’ll just take a walk and blast music?? Yeah that’s feasible, won’t get too “wet” from that it’s gonna be great, I’ll do that, okay!!!! Just “thinking out loud,” here, folks, move along, nothing to see here, nothing at all.

20:41: Back from walk. Was really nice, rocked out to some Ghost (Rats, Con Clavi Con Dio, Cirice, Faith, in that order, I think?) and just chose some side streets off of Saint Laurent. Picked up a “quille” of 10.1% Labatt that the person mentioned wanting to get after she taught me the Quebec slang for those 1.17L, or 40oz dirt cheap big bottles of beer. Can’t call them 40s here, different system of measurement, can now call them quille. Seems astounding it took me this long to learn the term for it. Also got some Unibroue beers to “balance out” the pond scum that is 10.1 Labatt, even though it seems like my best friends here and I all concur that 10.1 Labatt is strangely delicious? Like we’d voluntarily, and do voluntarily drink it. Ooh, and some Powerade, lemon-lime flavour, my favourite. I’ve always preferred Powerade to Gatorade in terms of taste for as long as I can remember. You may be asking, “George, that’s a lot of liquids, why did you even get the Powerade, that’s just sugar water.” You’re right, but I just got my pay stubs from the last two weeks so I know how much I made so I was like, “you can go crazy, it’s the weekend before Halloween, do it, loser.” And you know what??? I DID IT. Going to eat a turkey sandwich now. Internal monologue repeating, “a nicely stocked fridge means a nicely stocked mind.” Hehe. Eheheheh.