#sometimes i think that may be worse
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Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment.#I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again).#Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him.#This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse.#It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship-#-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care.#And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you.#You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged.#I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated.#People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away.#I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'.#And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media.#We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May.#Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.
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V, JoeNicky & Nile
V. An abandoned or empty place.
When Joe pulls the sheet off the couch it kicks up enough dust that it makes Nile sneeze. The couch underneath is old, wooden frame rotting, fabric stained and full of holes where moths have eaten away at it.
“Sorry,” Joe says to Nile when she finally manages to get the sneezing under control. “Didn’t realise it was that bad.” He puts his hands on his hips and looks down at the couch. Nile looks it over.
“There’s no saving that,” she says, wiping at her eyes. She can heal from falling over ten stories, but she can’t get away from allergies.
Joe frowns. “I liked that couch.”
The house is older than anywhere else they’ve brought her, and has been abandoned for long enough that it’s falling apart. But through some trick of posing as their own sons, or something, Joe and Nicky still own it, even if there’s a giant hole in the roof and all the windows are broken. Why they’d decided to come back here, Nile doesn’t know, but it’s a nice enough area, and a good distraction from, well. Everything. Growing back a leg, she’s discovered, is not fun.
From one of the other rooms – she thinks it’s the kitchen, she’s not actually sure where Nicky had wandered to – there’s the sound of something breaking and crashing to the ground, and a muffled curse.
Joe makes a questioning noise in the vague direction of the kitchen. A few moments later, Nicky appears in the doorway, covered in dust. “I am okay,” he says. “But I think we will need to go out to eat tonight.”
“Nothing?”
Nicky shakes his head. “Unless you want to start a fire and go hunt some rabbits.”
Joe grins. “Just like old times, right?”
Nile shakes her head firmly, which makes Nicky smile. She loves them, but there’s no way they’re doing that.
“We can probably clear out enough space in here,” Joe says, gesturing to the floor. “Get the sleeping bags out of the car. Probably have to start a fire anyway, but…”
Nile looks around again while Joe says something to Nicky in Arabic that makes him laugh. The house is falling apart, sure, but it’s structurally stable, and the bones are all there. It could be something. They’ve got time to make it something.
Nicky is the one who goes for pizza in the end – he doesn’t trust Nile and Joe to order it if left to their own devices – while they try to clear out a space in the living room. Eventually, though, after Nile has another sneezing fit, Joe suggests they just take the sleeping bags outside instead, which works out a lot better. He sets about starting a fire with practiced ease while Nile sets out the sleeping bags around it. They’re far enough away from civilisation that she can’t hear cars passing by, which is kind of surreal, and the stars are brighter than she’s ever seen them.
When Nicky gets back, two boxes balanced on one arm and a bottle of wine in the other, he looks over their makeshift camp and laughs. “Just like old times, then?” he asks.
Joe grins. “Except we have pizza.”
“And actual sleeping bags,” Nile says.
“Ah, these modern inventions could never quite match the comfort of a pile of furs,” Joe says wistfully. Nile gives him a look. She’s ninety percent sure that one’s bullshit, but she can never quite tell with him.
Nicky sets down the pizza boxes, and jogs back to the car to grab the pack of plastic wine glasses they’d bought before they got here.
“We should’ve bought marshmallows,” Nile says. “Could have made s’mores.”
“Well, we’ll have to go to the hardware store tomorrow anyway,” Joe points out. “And I think it’ll be a little while before we can actually sleep in there.”
“Tomorrow, then?”
“Tomorrow,” Nicky agrees.
#neon answers#materassassino#neon writes#kaysanova#nile freeman#what's going on here? who knows. they're renovating an old safehouse in the middle of nowhere#why isnt andy there? off on a solo self discovery road trip she calls em sometimes#i like to think its a really old one and when they were deciding where to go joe was getting super nostalgic about it and talking about it#to nicky like habibi.... do you remember that little house we had a few years ago..... we should go back there.....#(local 900 year old man confused 'a few years' for like 150 and didn't realise until they got there)#(and promptly went hm. i think it may need some work)#(nile. who had been expecting an Actual Functional House. just has to sit there for a moment)#they're having fun though. she and joe are gonna have fun painting on the walls. etc#nicky doesn't trust them with pizza because nile (not picky) and joe (LOVES to annoy nicky) will deliberately order the worst looking optio#like. dominoes had a cheeseburger pizza. that's what they're going for#nicky let this happen two (2) times before just going for pizza himself#when andy's there it's even worse she will get margherita but she'll also 'add her own toppings'#like my parents who put chinese takeout on pizza. it's good i'm sorry i know i'm expecting to be banned from italy soon#ANYWAY#thank you for the prompt!! i had fun <3
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my n1 guilty pleasure is thinkin that post m2 lauretta moved deeper into criminal after several years & ended up sentenced to jail somewhere in the middle of 1970s
#sorry... had to say it. maybe i just want her to run a brothel&etc somewhere out of empire bay and#giving interviews and shit and she's in her 60+s. and ofc it's a furor. and she enjoys it (more than?) a bit#yk i just was writing texts for SC for m2 women some time ago#and im sorry .. in my delusional head if she got the chance to be in charge; havin the same amount of power#as carlo she'd be so much worse than him (<- here it means better i suppose)#i mean if she'd end up in criminal ofc she cant have an equal position it's clear etc#i just enjoy her being cruel and having no morals. why to let go all this#m2#also it'd be funny if eddie & lauretta'd keep in touch. both end up in jail#i need her to cause a furor genuinely. M4 could be if not exactly bout her#(i'm mentally bargaining w 2kczech) but at least takin place in her area of control#i remember some1 made a post like evil women in mafia series when#Here she is. Here's the woman#sorry. i may be cringe but i had to say it bc i sometimes think bout it since spring#michelle gurevich makes me think bout lauretta its like a ring bell for Pavlov's dogs#Where is this tt sound. “I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! i dont care about homeless fucking people!”#<- lauretta in my eyes#i also need her w wrinkles n greying hair so bad. im a weak person. im lying i need everything above so bad#*picture of a cat w wet eyes*
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DO IT. WRITE THE JOHN X KIERAN FIC AND I WILL READ IT TRUST
ALSO HAPPY NEW YEAR
happy new year to you as well :] !!! i hope it’s filled with fun and love and light !!!!!!!
WAUGH THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT 💔💔 now idk about a full fic but uuhhmmm i can offer you some silly doodles ? hopefully i’ll have the energy to draw/write them for real soon 😭
and of course the 3rd boyfriend
#i’ve been messing around so much with my art lately i fear not only have i gotten worse at it but also it’s now incredibly inconsistent#but i’m having fun !!! so whatever !!!!! eventually it’ll all even out and i’ll be able to stop making straight masterpieces out of midtown#thank you though anon i do greatly appreciate your unwavering encouragement of me 😭💛#it makes me happy that people want content from meeee :] it makes me feel special and a little less insecure abt what i make#i promise i’ll do my best to actually form a coherent thought about their dynamic soon because i truly haven’t been able to imagine how they#would ACTUALLY be yet 😭 i’m so tired lately#The Fog has got me. trust that as soon as it’s released me i will do my utmost to think of Them#i still don’t know what ship name to use for them 💔#i’m using#jovieran#for all three of them because. of course. it just flows so well#but just john and kieran 😭 their ship name options sound so silly#i’m going to settle on#duffston#for now ?#though i may also refer to them as joffy/jorffy because it’s cute to me#dude like they’re all so stupid#jieran#kierston#wait that one is kinda cute#marffy#kiern#maybe one of them will grow on me#i actually am becoming quite fond of kierston so i may stick wit that one … i don’t know please gelp#rdr2#kieran duffy#john marston#javier escuella#hero's yelling at folks again#hero draws sometimes
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Toad they’re out here hating on your girl Athena.
WHA-? WHAT NOW?! (911 s8e8 spoilers in these parentheses: but if it has anything to do with telling that woman to fucking return the cart I will lose my damn mind lol)
Okay, listen here my sweet jellybean! We both know those who are hating on our drop dead gorgeous and talented Queen are some straight up silly-billy goofballs. And we will celebrate their collective wrongness by re-blogging and posting more positivity about the lovely and oh so precious Athena! You agree? I agree! We AGREE!! IN THIS HOUSE WE LOVE AND CHERISH ATHENA GRANT NASH!!
#toadanswers#anon#911 spoilers#athena grant nash#i swear peeps will look for anything no matter how small just to complain about her#and i will say this rn#anyone that wants to tell me i'm wrong about athena#first think about a favorite character and think about the worst thing they've ever done#if athena has done something worse than that you may then write me a 3 page essay#INCLUDING sources like i want proof to back up your points#and no being a cry baby because boo hoo she's a cop and she doesn't follow protocol sometimes#NEWSFLASH GOOBS no one on that show fuckin follows protocol!!#it's fictional 🌈#toad rambles#anyway if you'll excuse me i have to draw athena because i have deep desire to drown the haters in athena art uwu#i gotta make up for this artless month#soon my precious friends and foes... very soon...
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Me when a character is relentlessly looked down on and ridiculed and dismissed by everyone around them including the people they love so they start to believe in and actively play into people’s negative perceptions of them but at the end of the day they still make the choice to be better and do better bc they always had the capacity for good and so much love to give they just had nowhere to put it
#this is ab jesse pinkman and stanley pines#idk as someone who spent most of their life thinking they were a terrible person and becoming a worse person for it#the idea that these characters were never inherently bad and that they can always choose to be better#and esp that other people’s judgements are sometimes less ab you and more ab them or societal expectations#idk man idk i just think these types of characters may have saved my life or whatever#breaking bad#brba#gravity falls#the book of bill
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NEVER STOP!!! everytime I get mad over DOTC I just come onto your page and read your Gray Wing slander and immediately feel better, thanks muchly! 😌✨️
I am but a humble DOTC Slander ranger, riding across the sunlit horizon with a big iron on my hip, putting every hater's formless frustration into the words you felt but did not realize how to say ✨️
#If there's anything positive to say about it#it's that it's at least a SPECTACULAR kind of bad#It's bad in the kind of way that makes you realize what is so bad about other entries in WC#Like the rosetta stone of things wrong with WC#In no other arc is the ableism misogyny and abuse apologia SO apparent. SO plain to see#And of course your mind's immediately drawn to Clear or Tom because they're so obviously awful as characters.#But even the characters they think are GOOD and frame as RIGHTEOUS are revealing!!#Sometimes even moreso!!#though to be clear I end up biting at Gray a lot more often than Clear because he's awful in a less immediately obvious way#but I think clear is literally THE worst character they have ever put in WC. It's not a contest. It's not even a consideration in my mind.#because at the end of the day. Clear is WHY the arc is so bad.#Gray is defending him and doing a shit ton of abuse apologia and generally being insufferable#but as a tool he is being used in the exact way they mean to use him.#And his USE is to SUPPORT CLEAR.#He may not be the main POV but the arc is ABOUT Clear. It's HIS story. EVERYTHING that happens is supposed to be for HIM.#I haven't gotten to Gray's death scene in my reread yet but I should actually reblog it over here on the main when I do#Because it says it. It says it explicitly. That Gray only ever did anything because Clear pushed or bullied him to action.#And the narrative tries to frame that like a sweet and sentimental thing#But it's actually fucking horrifying. That WAS the entire series.#Clear pushing and bullying others until life was worse for everyone. And then they thank him for it.#bone babble#dotc hate
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In this hypothetical, the prosthetics are detachable, able to easily be modified or repaired, even customized for visual or fucntional preferences.
Getting them is about as safe as any other major surgery; certain amount of risk, yadda yadda. There's more details that would sway an answer, if this were something currently going on -- like the cost, can you sub out these prosthetics if they ever halt production, do you need medication to retain them, blah blah-- but, here? This is wish fulfillment. If you have something that hurts, or you wish you could just fix or swap out, you get to have it, just this once.
#em.txt#poll#polls#honestly i run a lot of polls & sometimes am like 'oh i hope this one gets even 15 notes' no i hope this one gets big. 16 notes at least#because this is interesting to me.#idk. it's probably a sign I'm not as able bodied as i may think bc i constantly am thinking like.#i wish i could pull out my spine & get the crick out of it. i wish i could replace my ears.#they can't hear very well & they always hurt & i always hear tinnitus. if i could swap them out i imagine some of that going away#i get people that might object to this -- your ears aren't killing you/you can get hearing aids/pain meds/ignore it#but I've been living with this my whole life & it has only gotten worse. I'd like a way to make it not get worse#otherwise next option for me is spine. option after that is probably prosthetic top surgery i wanna be able to take them thangs off#& put 'em back on when i feel like it. i want them thangs to be see through plastic with wiring & lights inside ya feel me#like i got a dualshock controller for oubitties
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Should've expected something to go wrong today, it is the ides of March, but I did not expect to spend 8 hours in a power cut. Thanks for that one Ceasar.
In other news, I read the entirety of Alex Rider - Skelton Key today! Great 3rd entry but also wtf do you mean their putting this 14 year old through the Unimaginable Horrors for 11 more books??? He's already had to deal with a nuke in this one??? Hello??? Alan Blunt I'm going to strangle you???
#nicky rambles#alex rider#alex rider skeleton key#i dont think anybody here reads alex rider but its in my top 5 favorite book series so i may talk about it sometimes#but. um. Jesus crist i already felt horrible at alex's exploitation when i started the series and that feeling gets worse the more i read#unfortunately never say die was my first entry into the series so i already know it gets way worse and Blunt does retire eventually but -#- what about retirement now? please?#like what do you MEAN he he almost got eaten by a shark. WHAT !!!#head in my hands#straight onto eagle strike in an hour tho! i just need a moment to breathe#also sidenote to my tangent. I like Sabina shes a sweetpea i hope she shows up a couple more times b4 never say die#ar: skeleton key
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Great googley moogley it’s all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!
And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of what’s supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!
#we’re cooked#we’re doomed#idk the end is nigh or whatever god damn#I just wanna be able to live in my own house and draw a guy sometimes without the ever present threat of the horrors is that too much#apparently yeah cause houses aren’t achievable anymore but man#m a n#especially if you didn’t/couldn’t go to college and aren’t capable of working most jobs#doesn’t help there’s the chance some part of my existence might be suddenly illegal or extremely dangerous yippie!#the options are literally 1. people die 2. people die what the hell do you even do man#how the fuck is this the election I’m gonna get forced to be a part of we’re living in hell#and nobody around me believes it’ll get bad yay great oh so wonderful#I can’t wait to lose rights and cause millions of deaths regardless of who gets chosen#I think one of these days I’m literally just gonna die of stress#it’ll either be a stroke or a heart attack or cancer or uh well ya know#we’re fucked#we’re screwed#I wanna have some kind of an actually visible break down but ive suppressed everything so much that I don’t outwardly emote much anymore :)#and the constantly dissociating thing too I guess#if you ever think ‘oh yeah I can just think of guy in a situation that’s so cool’ don’t it’s a trap—#although tbh this would be significantly worse without it so uh law of equivalent exchange I guess#fuck fuck fuck anyway#not putting this in the main tags#definitely deleting this later#if anyone in my house got any hints that I may or may not have different opinions than them well uh I’m financially dependent on them so um#literally wouldn’t have anywhere to go if anything happened#oh we’re really in it now Simon#hell world#there’s like what 7 genocides going on too I hate everything I hate everything I hate everything#I can’t do anything to help anyone either cause I don’t have a job and I could get kicked out or treated badly at home for it#not that anyone thinks very highly of me at home anyway I am kinda family disappointment number 2 I pretty sure
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Sometimes I feel like nobody wants me around especially if I'm upset or not of use to anyone
#i have a lot of friends (my only reason to stay around even if i feel like shit) so i dont know why im like this#maybe its bc my family life?#i don't know i just think i make things worse or smth#i think im bad luck#i just get paranoid sometimes and think im gonna fuck something up constantly#id genuinely let someone yell at me since Im not used to anything but that#that may be an issue but I'm going to be honest i think any other reaction isnt normal#because what do you mean i did somethings right ever#where the hell is the “you should've done that” or “do better” or “why are you like this”#sorry for being depressing#i keep letting my thoughts simmer and i need them out#KillerKiller.txt
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sorry for the roshambo crashout. it will happen again.
#veni.txt#honestly it may be worse next time#it depends#i just randomly started thinking abt ro and i was like damn i miss my cubito#then i got sad bc the more i think abt it#the sticklers are actually quite lonely. like esp ro#at least rek and jumper login together sometimes#idt ro is available when they are and vice versa which#is incredibly unfortunate#but its okay bc then i watched a spacewaffles vod#and i stopped crashing out#bc like bacon adores planet sm they make me feel sick#his soft spot is SO apparent bc i have never seen him act so like#not as much of a bitch /lh /very aff#hes such a hater to like everyone besides planet LOL#he tones it down a lot more w him than anyone
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…
#you do not get to trap me at your house if you do not want to play by the legal rules#what are you gonna do. stop me?#how exactly?#like you can’t make me pay you for two months in advance either but I’m willing to do that because I FUCKEN LIKED LIVING HERE#do you think this was an easy decision for me???#I love that this place has a bathtub and a lot of room to spread out#i love the little area behind the house that I got to see every day#I love that you shared food with me sometimes. like. I’ll admit. that saved my ass.#but listen. you could be getting more for this place than you’re getting. besides#I am so broke I can’t afford the fucken shoes on my feet and you want me to pay half your mortgage for you???#i’m so far in debt I’m worried I won’t be able to afford food and you’re like ‘I thought you were gonna stay until may’#that was before my car broke down and I lost my side job#and before I found out I’m gonna have to pay back the student loans that should have been forgiven by now#take your fucken 3000 dollars for two months rent and be happy that your mortgage will be paid for a month on someone else’s dime#you can even keep the stupid damage deposit I don’t fucken care#happy fucken hanukkah#I’m devastated to lose this place you don’t have to fucken make it worse
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Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.
#i love her but none of it makes any sense to me#i think i really just wanted her to see that this kind of rhetoric is no good if you're fundamentally unable to see yourself as having valu#to a community- which is where i'm still at sometimes unfortunately.#i would say that i may not be the only one since mental illness + self esteem issues + being lgbtq are not exactly unlinked#but i have basically never found anyone else who has my particular hangups...maybe online once ages ago#so in my own mind i'm the most assimilist lgbtq who ever existed- not even worthy to call myself queer#and it's nice that she thinks i am not like that and in fact am 'one of the good ones'#who is not assimilist- look i know that 'one of the good ones' usually means the opposite ok i know! it's just an impression i get#she's like telling me obviously i'm all good because i look like i do but all i can hear is#that if i didn't look like this then i'm an assimilist#i fucking hate my brain honestly no one asked me to have a mental breakdown at their house (thank god i didn't cry)#and then go home and that's when i cry because i saw a trans guy's 'this many years on t' post and i felt like shit because#i haven't done anything about transitioning in ages and i'm not even out at work :'(#like i know i'm an assimilist because my main reason for not coming out at work is not wanting to do the beaurocracy#of changing my name on my email and every fucking log in i have on everything- telling every single person i interact with#i just can't it's too much and my line manager is worse than useless#but i have 'my job is computer and doing emails all day' privilege so i don't like to talk to people about it
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attack dog小菊最高…… 对mafia au没其他感觉
#diary#hetalia#its not that im trying to hide what im saying but i think its fine to post in chinese sometimes#<- honestly it feels awkward but now that im putting more effort into keeping up my reading and writing#it feels like when i automatically translate any thoughts that are in chinese#every time i do that my chinese gets a little worse#so sorry guys you may have to put up with me posting in chinese sometimes nyao
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printed-out private fanfic collections my beloved
#that's it. that's the post#do I sometimes feel guilty for having a bunch of fic printed out? yeah. idk if it's morally grey or wrong or ok these days#it started out as necessity because I didn't have a computer of my own and reading queer fic wasn't sth you could be too open about#(though I guess using up my dad's scrap paper piles that had math equations on one side may not have been the most inconspicuous)#anyway. sometimes I'll remember a story and I know I will be able to find it because my idiot teen self printed it out and filed it away#and sometimes it turns out you can't find that fic on ao3 because it's ffnet only. and worse sometimes it no longer exists online at all#and that makes me sad. but knowing someone deleted it and I still have a bootleg copy makes me feel guilty#so I guess I'm just stuck in this dual state#I think it beats the lingering sadness of wanting to reread a very specific story that's ingrained in your very being..#..and finding there is not a trace of it anywhere online#like. I KNOW that I read a Myka/Claudia story that had them holed up in a cabin somewhere hiding from some terrifying dude of sorts#(not that I remember the details) I just remember there being a lake and it being the story that got me into WH13#which.. was a fucking blessing. and I searched all of the place for that story years later#went through most of the Myka/Claudia fic and yet never found it again. and nobody I asked remembered it either#so maybe I dreamed it up? but I kinda doubt it. ANYWAY sometimes a fic filed away in an old folder is what saves your sanity
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