#sometimes i think about the people saying that the darkling appreciated her from the start and loved her no matter what blablabla

[wewillbehappyagain]

Wanna see something funny?

This is the first (well, third) thing Mal says to Alina in the books: “I don’t think you’re ugly.”

And this is one of the first things The Darkling says to Alina: “I guess you only look like a mouse.”

[elleclairez]

Nikolai Lantsov x reader : Starry night

Words count : 1 310

Pairing : Nikolai Lantsov x reader

In the many years that Y/N has lived at the Ravkan capital never did the night sky looked so beautiful. The moon and the stars were shining as bright as diamonds and their light was reflected so strongly that the young woman could perfectly see young Grisha playing by the lake from the balcony of the Grand Palace. Was it maybe because the darkness left the town along with its cruel owner? It is perhaps foolish to think so but since Alina has taken over the Second Army and the Darkling went into hiding, Y/N noticed that the sky became much brighter than it used to be.

Here she was, looking at the starry night alone, not that she complained. Loneliness is far better company than the people attending the ball, except perhaps some people. In spite of the late hour the ball was not planning to end at all. The (Your Grisha Order) was quite curious on how those nobles were able to party so much and still have the energy to gossip all day long without tiring at all. But then again what more could they do, fight the war? No, that is the work of commoners like her and thousands of others.

If she was quite honest the young woman didn’t know what she was doing here. All she wanted was to get rid of this uncomfortable dress and rip this chocking corset apart. Whoever created those surely must have hated women.

Y/N was tired. Tired of the petty gossips, the glances that were thrown at her, the whispers commenting all of her steps and words. But there was nothing she could do. And she did promise Nikolai to stay until the ball ended. Not for fun of course but because they both knew that he needed her there, she was what kept him sane during those nights. Because while those balls and the people attending them were horrendous, dancing and laughing with the woman he loved made them a little better.

And that is exactly why the Grisha didn’t run away back to her cosy room the moment she could. No matter how hard it was to stay there she did it with her loved one by her arm. Together they put on smiles, laughed at horrible jokes and brushed away any comment about their relationship, his parentage or her lack of wealth or title. But even with Nikolai by her side all of this became too exhausting. She wondered how he was able to keep up with all of this since a very young age.

And it was exactly because of that same exhaustion that Y/N found herself staring at the beauty of Os Alta from one of the many balconies of the tasteless palace. All she wished right now was to be in bed with her lover, a book in her hands while he would write down some new engineering ideas in his notebook. But alas that was not meant to be. At least not tonight.

The peaceful atmosphere was disrupted by two arms encircling her waist and before Y/N had the time to break the hands of whoever dared to approach her in such a way, a soothing voice whispered in her ear.

"You needn’t worry, love, it is only me, your beautiful lover and servant of your heart. » Being in the arms of the man that she loved brought the woman comfort and calmed her down. Every time Nikolai is with her, especially while having some physical contact with her, Y/N felt safe and warm.

"What are you doing here, Kolya? Shouldn’t you be debating with your brother on which horse is faster?"Asked the Grisha while turning around to quickly peck the prince on his lips. From hearing his nickname (one that he let be called only by her) falling from her lips and the chaste kiss that she granted him, the prince’s smile grew even bigger than it was. And without knowing so, the woman mimicked the action but directly frowned when she saw how tired he truly was through his eyes. He might be an excellent actor but the ones who truly knew him could always tell apart his act and his true self through those beautiful hazel orbs of his.

"Well I was in the middle of such debate with my foolish brother when I noticed that my beautiful darling has completely disappeared."I let out a small breath at his words, I knew he would notice my absence. Sensing my fatigue through my actions, Nikolai placed one hand on the side of my face so that our eyes would meet."What is it, love? Is something wrong? Do I need to threaten someone? "He asked with full seriousness while still trying to make Y/N laugh with that last sentence. And he succeeded, his last words did bring out a small yet tired chuckle out of her.

What Y/N loved with Nikolai is that she didn’t have to explain myself, he always knew what to say or do in order to make me feel better. And that is why without having to make her explain herself, the young prince decided that is what perhaps time for them to retire to his chambers. Well, officially she would go back to the Little Palace and he to his chambers but as they say, "the less you know the better".

And that is how half an hour later, the woman found herself in the arms of the man that she loved, both of them laying on a sofa in the living room of his apartments, drinking tea, talking about nothing and everything and sharing more kisses that a couple in the middle of courting should.

By the time the sun started to rise, we only got into bed, our legs tangled, my head on his chest and his hand caressing my hair while the other stayed on the small of my back. The silence was a peaceful one and both of us hoped that no one would disturb it, at least for a few more hours.

"Thank you." Sweetly whispered Nikolai after placing yet another kiss on my forehead. "Thank you for being there for me. I know that being at court is though especially for you with everyone staring at you as if you didn’t belong there. But trust me, you do. You belong by my side and I, by yours, lubimaya."If Y/N wasn’t so tired she would have responded with words as sweet as his but alas tiredness was too strong.

Nikolai’s POV

Minutes have passed and Y/N was peacefully asleep on the man’s chest. Her eyes would sometimes flutter and Nikolai would check for any signs of stress on her face to make sure that his lover wasn’t having a nightmare.

Never in his life the young prince would have thought that he would feel such strong feelings for someone. Whenever he looked at the Grisha woman he wondered if his parents loved each other that way. Not his official ones of course, but biological ones. Because right now gazing at the person he loved the most in life he knew that if needed he would take the same risks his mother did so many years ago when she had her affair and then gave birth to him. If being with her meant taking huge risks or even giving up his titles, he would do no matter how much he wanted to save Ravka. But luckily for him, he knew that she understood and even shared his dreams and therefore would never ask such thing from him.

"And that is why one day I will marry you, lyuobv moya." His voice was barely a whisper and after kissing her temple one more time, Nikolai succumbed into sleep.

"Lyubov moya" = "my love"

"Lybimaya" = "my love » (more like "my favourite » while still meaning "my love")

Hope you liked this little Nikolai Lantsov x reader one-shot!

Who is exited for Shadow and Bone to finally hit our screens this Friday?? Because I can surely say that I am! What do you think of the show so far? Like I know none of us haven’t watched it yet but what are your expectations, fears… about it?

Tell me what you thought of this one shot because feedback is always appreciated!

ELLE CLAIRE

Ps : I am working on the requests that you sent, but there are a lot of them, so it might take a while especially since my classes are starting again this Monday and I also want to take some time this weekend to bing watch S&B.

[him-e]

what did you think of shadow and bone? have you read the books? i only read the duology

Thoughts on Shadow and Bone, now that you've probably seen it?

I think the show is alright? It lacks a real wow factor as far as I’m concerned, but it’s enjoyable. It’s especially enjoyable in those parts I didn’t anticipate to like / didn’t even know would be there. 

Whereas the main selling points leave a lot to be desired.

The good stuff: the visuals. The aesthetic. The overall concept. Production, casting and costumes are excellent, the setting is fascinating. The worldbuilding isn’t perfect and is sometimes confusing, which is probably due to the show jumping ahead of the books and introducing elements that happen much later in the book saga, but I’m loving the vague steampunk-y vibe of it mixed with more typical fantasy stuff and slavic-inspired lore, the fact that it’s set in dystopian Russia rather than your usual ye olde England.

I find it interesting that in this ‘verse the Grisha are simultaneously superstars, privileged elite, legendary creatures and despised outcasts, according to the context and the type of magic they wield. It’s A Lot, and so far it’s all a bit underdeveloped and messy, like a patchwork of different narratives and tropes sewn together without an organic worldbuilding structure. (there are hints to a past when they were hunted, but how did they go from that to being, essentially, an institutionalized asset to the government isn’t clear yet. There’s huge narrative potential in this, and I hope future seasons will delve into those aspects)

Many of the supporting characters are surprisingly solid. I appreciated that Genya and Zoya eventually sort of traded places, subverting the audience’s assumptions about them and their own character stereotypes, despite the little screentime they were given.

Breakout characters/ships for me were Nina/Matthias, and even more so the Crows, i.e. the stuff I didn’t see coming and knew nothing about (having only read the first book). (I thought the entire Crows subplot was handled in a somewhat convoluted way, at least in the first episodes; it was hard to keep track of who wanted Alina and why, but the Crows’ chemistry is so strong it carried the whole Plot B on its shoulders).

HELNIK. As an enemies to lovers dynamic, Helnik was SUPER on the nose, I’d say bordering on clichéd with the unapologetic, straight outta fanfiction use of classic tropes like “we need to team up to survive” and “there’s only one bed and we’ll freeze to death if we don’t take our conveniently damp clothes off and keep each other warm with the heat of our naked bodies” (not that I’m complaining, but i like to pine for my ships a bit before getting to the juicy tropetown part, tyvm). And then they’re suddenly on opposite sides again because of a tragic misunderstanding - does Bardugo hate high-conflict dynamics? It certainly seems so, because between Helnik and Darklina I’m starting to see a pattern where the slow burn and blossoming mutual trust is rushed and painted in broad, stereotypical strokes to get as fast as possible to the part where they *hate each other again* and that’s... huh. Something.

^That’s probably why I’m almost more interested in Kaz x Inej, because their relationship feels a bit more nuanced, a bit more mysterious, and a bit more unpredictable. (I didn’t bother spoiling myself about them, so I really don’t know where they’re going, but it’s refreshing to see a dynamic that the narrative isn’t scrambling to define in one direction or the other as quickly as possible)

-

Now, as for Darklina VS Malina... I found exactly what I expected. 

Both are ship dynamics I’m, on principle, very much into (light heroine/dark villain, pining friends to lovers) but both are also much less interesting than they claim to be, or could have been with different narrative choices. I’ll concede that the show characters are all more fleshed out and likable than their book counterparts, and the cringe parts I vaguely remembered from the books played out differently. And, well, Ben Barnes dominates the scene, he’s hot as HELL, literally every single second he’s on screen is a fuck you to Bardugo’s attempts to make his character lame and uninteresting and I’m LOVING it, lol.

But yeah, B Barnes aside, Darklina is intrinsically, deliberately made to be unshippable. 

It makes me mad, because it’s - archetypally speaking - made of shipping dynamite: yin/yang-sun and moon, opposites attract, COMPLEMENTARY POWERS AND SO ON. And what does Bardugo do with these ingredients? A FUCKING DELIBERATE DISASTER:

^ Placing the kiss so early on (season 1, episode five) effectively kills the romantic tension that was (correctly) building up until that point, and leaves the audience very little to still hope for, in terms of emotional evolution of the dynamic. 

Bardugo lays all the good stuff down as early and quickly as possible (the bonding, the conflicted attraction, the recognizing the other as one’s equal, etc) only to turn the tables and pull the rug so y’all sick creepyshippers won’t have anything to look forward to, because THEY’VE ALREADY HOOKED UP AND THAT BELONGS TO THE PAST, IT’S OVER, THEY’RE ENEMIES. This, combined to the fact that she falls for him *without* knowing who he really is, is the opposite of what I want from a heroine/villain ship (it’s basically lovers to enemies, and while that can be valid too, I wanted to see more pining and more prolonged, tormented symbolic attraction to the Shadow/Animus on Alina’s part). 

But here’s the trick: it’s not marketed as lovers to enemies - it has all the aesthetics and trappings of an enemies to lovers (the Darkling is, from the get go, villain-presenting, starting from his name), so it genuinely feels like a trollfic, or at the very least a cautionary tale *against* shipping the heroine with the tall dark brooding young villain, and I don’t think it’s cool at all. It makes the story WAY less interesting, because it humanizes the villain early on (when it’s not yet useful or poignant to the story, because it’s unearned) but it’s a red herring. The real plot twist is that the villain shouldn’t be sympathized with, just defeated: there’s a promise of nuanced storytelling, that is quickly denied and tossed aside. So is the idea of incorporating your Shadow (a notion that Bardugo must be familiar with, otherwise she wouldn’t have structured Alina and the Darkling as polar opposites who complement each other, but that she categorically refutes)

Then we have Malina. The good ship.

Look, I’m not that biased against it. I don’t want to be biased on principle against a friends to lovers dynamic that antagonizes a heroine/villain one, because every narrative is different, and for personal reasons I can deeply relate to the idea of being (unspeakably) in love with your best friend. So there are aspects of Malina that I can definitely be into, but it troubles me that in this specific context it’s framed as a regression. It’s Alina’s comfort zone, a fading dream of happiness from an idealized childhood, to sustain which the heroine systematically stunts her growth and literally repressed her own powers, something that in the books made her sickly and weak. But the narrative weirdly romanticizes this codependency, often making her tunnel vision re: going back to Mal her primary goal and centering on him her entire backstory/motivation, to the point that when she starts acting more serious re: her powers and alleged mission to destroy the Fold, it feels inorganic and unearned. 

Mal is intrinsically extraneous to Alina’s powers, he doesn’t share them, he doesn’t understand them, he has little to offer to help her with them, and so the feeling is that he’s also extraneous to her heroine’s journey, aside from being a sort of sidekick or safe harbor to eventually come back to. People have compared him to Raoul from Phantom of the Opera, and yeah, he has the same ~magic neutralizer~ vibe, tbh.

The narrative also polarizes Mal’s normalcy and relative “safety” against Aleksander’s sexy evil, framing Alina’s quasi-platonic fixation on the former as a better and purer form of love than her (much more visible and palpable) attraction to the latter. This is exacerbated by the show almost entirely relying on scenes of them as kids to convey their bond. I’m sure there are ways to depict innocent pining for your best friend that don’t involve obsessively focusing on flashbacks of two CHILDREN running in a meadow and looking exactly like brother and sister. LIKE. I get it, they’re like soulmates in every possible way, BUT DO THEY WANT TO KISS EACH OTHER?

Which brings me to a general complain: for a young adult saga centering on a young heroine and full of so many hot people, this story is weirdly unsexy? There are a lot of shippable dynamics, but they’re done in such a careless, ineffective way that makes ZERO EFFORT to work on stuff like slow burn, pining and romantic tension, and when it does it’s so heavy handed that the viewer doesn’t feel encouraged at all to fill the blanks with their imagination and start anticipating things (which is, imo, the ESSENCE of shipping). The one dynamic that got vaguely close to this is, again, Kaz and Inej, and coincidentally it’s also the one we didn’t get confirmed as romantic YET. Other than that, where’s the slow burn? What ship am I supposed to agonize over during the hiatus to season two? Has shipping become something to feel ashamed of, like an embarrassing relative you no longer want to invite in your home?

Anyway, back to Alina/Darkling/Mal, this is how the story reads to me:

girl suspects to be special, carefully pretends to be normal so she can stay with Good Boy

the girl’s powers eventually manifest; she’s forcibly separated from Good Boy

the girl’s powers attract Bad Boy who is her equal and opposite but is also a major asshole

girl initially falls for Bad Boy; has to learn a hard lesson that nobody that sexy will ever want her for who she is, he’s just trying to exploit her

also, no, there is no such thing as a Power Couple

girl is literally given a slave collar by Bad Boy through which he harnesses her power (a parody of the Twin Scars trope)

you know how the story initially suggested that the joint powers of Darkness and Light would defeat evil? LOL NO, Darkness is actually evil itself and the way you destroy evil is using Light to destroy Darkness, forget that whole Jungian bullshit of integrating your shadow, silly!

conclusion: girl realizes being special sucks. She was right all along! Hiding and suppressing her powers was the best choice! She goes back to the start, to the same Good Boy she was meekly pining for prior to the start of the story.

... there’s an uncomfortable overall subtext that reads a lot like a cautionary tale against - look, not just against darkships and villain/heroine pairings, but also *overpowered* heroines and, well... change? Growth?

Like, it’s certainly a Choice that Alina starts the story *already* in love with Mal. That she always knew it was him. The realization could have happened later (making the dynamic much more shippable, too), but no. 

[klbwriting]

Unexpected Allies - Chapter 5

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: future Kaz!femaleReader (although he def fucks up in this chpater)

Warnings: a lot of talk about death and war

Summary:  Secrets are shared on the carriage ride out of town

Note: I edited this once I realized I left my placeholder name in the story >.< I always use a random name when I’m writing a series and then change to Y/N but it was midnight and I forgot.

Jesper told Kaz and Y/N to stay in the carriage and for once Kaz listened to his subordinate. Y/N needed to stay hidden and someone had to protect her. Not that she really needed protecting, not by him at least. If she had wanted to she could pick and chose which way she wanted to kill him. Hell, she could do it 3 different ways if she chose. But the look in her eyes when Kaz moved to get out of the carriage and join Jesper had given him pause, so he sat back down and stared at her.

"You can ask you know," she said finally, once she had calmed. Kaz felt the adrenaline drain from his body and he sat back in the seat, looking down at his cane between his legs. His eyes drifted to their knees, so close together but he could see while his was moving with the carriage hers was frozen. She was holding it still, thinking about him and what he needed again. Why? Why did she care so much about him and his issues? Others noticed how he avoided touch, noticed the gloves, the way he didn't reach out to help anyone no matter what, but they didn't protect him from it, in fact some of them used it against him. They died of course but they tried to use it. Inej had sometimes tried to protect him but not like this. Y/N had thrown her body into the way and held back a crowd of drunk gamblers trying to save themselves just to let him stand up again.

"You didn't let anyone touch me...not even yourself," he said, recalling her catching herself in the carriage and making sure again that she didn't touch him. He looked at their knees again and held his breath, moving his knee to touch hers gently. She looked at him, seeing his clenched jaw, his other hand in a fist by his side.

"Don't," she said flatly, making Kaz look at her. She had her eyes closed, head tilted back. He once again didn't know what she was thinking. "I know how hard prison must have been for you. I'm not sure where your issue with touch comes from but hell, I'm not going to let you pass out in a crowded room that's on fire. I will protect you Kaz." She finally looked at him and he saw the bare truth in her eyes. For the first time her eyes hid nothing, she meant exactly what she said.

"Why?" he asked, not sure what exactly made him so appealing to her. She let out a frustrated noise. He narrowed his eyes, not liking her getting angry at him.

"Kaz Brekker, you are needed in the resistance. I know you don't want to be there, you just want your crew and want to leave, but you are needed. Desperately. And even if you weren't needed I would still protect you. I spent months learning about you, watching you, and I, dammit, I feel something for you and even if you could never feel like that for me I'm damn sure not going to let you get hurt. Enough people I care about have been killed because I didn't do enough to protect them. I will never let it happen again," she said. For a moment Kaz stayed silent, letting her calm down. He knew of her watching him, knew of her feelings. He thought about how he couldn't feel that way for her, or anyone, when a small voice in his head came bubbling up and said one small word. Liar.

"The resistance doesn't need me. It needs heroes," he said. "I sure as hell am not a hero." He would ignore what else she had said, not sure how to address it right now. He needed time to digest it before he dove into everything she had revealed.

"Heroes are the last thing the resistance needs. Heroes lost the civil war, trying to be a hero lost me everything, we need a thief, someone who can sneak in, pick all the locks to the Darkling's room and slit any throat that tries to stop them. They need you," she said. They stared at each other again and Kaz was overcome for a moment with the urge to take her into his arms and hold her, but a moment after the thought occurred to him the familiar feeling of revulsion rose in his chest. He shook off the feeling and leaned his elbows to his knees.

"What happened to make me what the resistance needs? What in the hell happened to Alina Starkov that you blame yourself for?" he demanded, tired of the secrets she was keeping. She sat back, looking up at the ceiling of the carriage. He saw the tears pricking the corners of her eyes as she tried to fight them. Despite the feeling of revulsion lingering Kaz forced his knee to touch hers again. This time she let him, lost in her own past.

"You figured I was a double agent for Alina's followers. I was easily a favorite of Aleksander's, the Darkling's, because when I was younger I would follow him around like a puppy. I had a crush on him as a child and he humored me. By the time Alina came along I was seeing the cracks in his armor. I mean, he was called the Darkling, his betrayal shouldn't have been that surprising. So when Alina ran she asked me to stay behind, she attacked me, making sure it looked like I had chosen Aleksander over her. I instantly gained his trust that way. He kept me by his side and I would feed small bits of information with Alina. Not everything of course, I couldn't be too obvious. If Aleksander wasn't going to be at a battle I didn't report it. Or if Aleksander was going to be there but not Alina I let it go. I hated that, so many died because I had to pretend to be faithful to a madman, but it was the only way to make sure that Alina was safe."

Y/N took a deep breath, looking at Kaz and seeing the question in his eyes. She knew he thought the same as everyone else in the Little Palace. She couldn't possibly be second in command based on talent or skill. Large women weren't really smart, they couldn't possibly think of anything more than food. She had been underestimated because of her size her entire life and she normally didn't care, she used it as motivation to prove everyone wrong no matter what they thought she did. But she cared that Kaz knew the truth.

"Go ahead, ask me how I kept my position so secure," she said. She felt Kaz's knee stiffen and looked at them touching. This small action must be taking a lot out of him mentally and she appreciated it, but she didn't want him to feel she was taking advantage so she curled her legs under her body on the seat, making sure he had space. She saw him relax again but he didn't look pleased.

"I'm sure many think you kept your position by climbing into bed with him," he said. She barked a harsh laugh.

"I wish everyone thought of me in such a way, that I somehow could seduce my way to the top," she said. "Some may think that, but most think Aleksander uses me because my Inferni powers are so strong. I am the closest he could get to another Sun Summoner. But I still had to prove myself."

"You betrayed Alina?" he asked. She let one single tear fall then, wiping it quickly.

"She told me to, I had to betray her people. She let me know where Zoya would be, thinking that he would go easy on her since she was once his favorite. What Alina didn't know was that Nikolai would be there. The Darkling didn't hesitate, he cut through both of them and suddenly he took everything I told him as law. I paid for his trust with blood," she said. She now was just letting herself cry, it was pointless to try and stop it. Kaz probably thought she was weak but right now she didn't care. He wasn't going to stick around long after they got to the Permafrost anyway, she shouldn't care at all what he thought. "The worst though, was when he figured out that someone was leaking information. He suddenly didn't trust any of us now, so I had to figure out something. I couldn't get a note out to Alina but I knew she and Darkling were going to meet near Keramzin and I also knew she wouldn't want me to blow my cover so I kept quiet. He took all of us with him, it was almost poetic that they were going to face off near where she grew up. During the fighting she was captured by the Darkling. I was going to intervene, she saw me starting to move and she held up her hands and shook her head. There was already a small force gathering in the north and she didn't want to risk them being lost with her so I stood down and he killed her. Then he turned to me and smiled." She shuttered and finally looked at Kaz.

"Its not your fault," he said after a minute of silence. She smiled sadly at him. "She knew what was happening, she wanted you to live. She took care of you, like a sister." He looked at the floor of the carriage, a fair away look on his face.

"When was your brother killed?" she asked. He didn't have to answer but she wanted him to know that she would listen to him like he had listened to her. He just shook his head.

"Well that's two of your secrets I have discovered tonight," he said. Y/N sat up straighter, realizing her mistake. He was trying to worm his way in for her secrets, something to hold as leverage. He did in fact know her two deepest secrets now. Saints she was an idiot letting her mouth run ragged for him.

"I suppose you want to hear about the powers too?" she asked, folding her arms and moving closer to the door of the carriage. Kaz just nodded. Well he already knew about them so she might as well say it. "I don't know why I can do more than a normal Grisha, its just how I was born. There now you have all my secrets to use at your will. Enjoy." She turned to look out at the road seeing the sun slowly rising in the distance.

She knew Kaz Brekker's reputation, knew what kind of man he was, had even promised herself that she would keep him at a distance and in a few short hours he had picked his way back into her heart. The worst part was he barely had to do anything at all, a forced smile and a little dance, just so that he would have something to hold over her. He knew her greatest asset and her greatest failure and the worst part was that she still wanted to tell him more. She was getting angrier at herself by the second. She was about to take that anger out on her carriage companion but there was a loud crack and the wheel went flying, sending the carriage into a ditch. The last thing Y/N saw was Kaz bracing himself for impact before she hit her head and was unconscious.

[amiramorozova]

Dual Summoner x The Darkling pt. 34

Pairing: Dual Summoner Amira Silina x Darkling Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan

Word count: 1196

Glossary: Sol Koroleva - Sun Queen, Moya Soverenyi - My Sovereign 

Aleksander leaned close and claimed my lips in a kiss as I kissed him back. Our kiss started as just that, a kiss before I felt the makeshift bed dip and I knew he was hovering over me. I wasn't going to let him win as I switched us and pulled away as I saw the surprise look. "So, girls let you be the dominant one. With your experience in manipulating people, leading the Grisha I think you've finally met your match." I said with a smile, he didn't like it as he wanted control of our situation. It was easy to see in his eyes. 

Baghra trained me well to be able to compete in Dominance with you. You can try to manipulate me but I will manipulate you back. I thought

We were staring at each other knowing that no matter where we went, we were connected. It didn't matter if one day I removed the piece of the stag from him I would still be connected to him emotionally, and we were soulmates. I was about to lean down and kiss him again when we heard someone approaching the tent and he moved me offsetting me beside him as he stood up. 

Buzzkill. I thought 

Ivan came in and I was kinda glad he had adjusted us as I knew that wouldn't have been something I would have wanted anyone to see. He walked over talking to Aleksander and I just sat there while they talked, not really paying much attention to it. Repairs had to be made to the Skiff where I accidentally used the cut and I still didn't know how I did that but if I could use the cut, maybe I could use Merzost. 

"Am-'' Ivan started but Aleksander stopped him "From now on when talking to my bride to be you will call her Sol Koroleva or Moya soverennyi." Aleksander said to Ivan. "She is able to use the Cut she deserves to be called by those titles as my equal not a 2nd army soldier." His words surprised me more than I thought they would when it came to the diplomacy of what he was saying. Ivan, I still had a disdain for this heartrender so I'd appreciated it if he didn't even speak with me. 

"Moya Soverennyi, Some of the west Ravkans would like to see their Sol Koroleva." Ivan said, I had nothing really nice to say to him so I just waved my hand in a dismissive way which he seemed to get as he left the tent. I looked at Aleksander curiously knowing he was Moi Soverenni to the first army and most of the 2nd army. "So now I'm a general?" I asked him, He just stood there looking down at me "You are going to be the wife of one." Aleksander said 

I knew as long as I played nice, Baghra was unharmed but if I decided to go against him well I didn't know what might happen. He offered his hand out to me and I put my hand in his as we walked out to the people. West ravkans started to come to see their future Sol Koroleva. People looked at me as the Sun Saint, The Sun Queen both things I was neither. I noticed a child was burned by something and I moved away from Aleksander as I started to walk over seeing people back away. I gave them a smile "it's alright." I said as I kneeled down seeing even the child was scared as I put my hand out. "You can come here." 

The child was hesitant as the little girl walked over and I examined the burn. I could see the poor girl was in pain but I knew water could heal and take pain away, sure I wasn't a healer but that didn't change anything. I put my hands together focusing on the water and when I pulled them apart a bit of water was in my hand as she was amazed. "You're a tidemaker too?" The little girl asked as I used the water ever so carefully on her arm. "Yeah, I am. My mama is a tidemaker but she taught me the best ways to use the water for healing purposes even though tidemakers are not healers." I said 

Everyone was watching but I saw this little girl go from amazed to smiling when I realized her pain was gone. The burn was still present but she would heal as I smiled and stood up. The little girl jumped for joy "I wanna be a tidemaker! I want to learn from Sol Koroleva!" The little girl said.

Fjerdans are in this area and if she were a Grisha she'd be in danger. I thought 

I shook my head and smiled at her "Being Grisha is not everything you think it would be. Orphans don't mind as much but when you are Grisha you become different from those you know. Sometimes being different is good but most of the time there are times you want to be normal." I said

All the people were seemingly happy to see me and I felt like I was gaining power but maybe this was wrong? Aleksander planned to rule the kingdom if he was going to and put me there as his Queen. A few normal girls approached who were around my age as they asked questions. "What is it like to be a Dual Summoner? Do you have any friends that are waiting for you in Os Alta?" The girls seemed to be looking curiously. "You feel different, it's a choice of being who you are and you can hide half of who you are. I do have friends waiting for me back in Os Alta." I said as I raised my hands to try to keep them a little at bay with their questions when one of them noticed my engagement ring. "You're getting married soon? To whom?" They asked

I felt so uncomfortable and luckily Aleksander walked over getting their attention as he smirked a bit. "To me, you see Grisha don't marry till they find their soulmate. Aleksander said as he pulled his sleeve up revealing the AS on his wrist. "Our Sol Koroleva is my soulmate so she will be getting a promotion to lead by my side." Aleksander said  

People seemed to take this news a little better since it was a public announcement as I heard a bunch of them talking about how they'd love to attend the wedding. I knew he did this on purpose that he wasn't going to let me just keep pushing the wedding off but as long as the Fabrikators didn't have the dress fully made I could push it off for as long as I wanted.

A few days passed since then and we headed back through the fold, Zoya was the least of my concerns right now. I was just glad to get back to Os Alta before too long so I could tell Baghra everything that happened.

She might be disappointed in me. I thought 

Taglist: @lifeisingrey​

[itswrongsong]

A RANT AND AN ANALYSIS OF ALINA'S RELATIONSHIPS:

Let's start with saying that the Shadow and Bone trilogy was published between 2012 and 2014, and this really reflects in the development of the characters and the story. Should I say... a love triangle? Does it remind you of something else that came out in that same period? Maybe (and this might be controversial lol) Twilight? I finally said it. Alina reminds me of Bella Swan, okay?! Please don't arrest me. I LOVED Twilight when it first came out, and I loved Bella, but now I'm almost 24 and I can easily see that a lot of those things that I loved at 13, now I find kinda boring, or outdated. I loved Alina's character, but a lot of times she seemed pretty bidimensional to me, I couldn't really ~connect~ with her, also many times it felt like her biggest worry was who should I end up with? Mal, the Darkling or Nikolai?

I wish Leigh Bardugo had better explored her development as a girl by herself, and not always tied to a male character. But as I said before I understand that these books are from a different time, and as a matter of fact the Six of Crows duology and the King of Scars duology explore female characters in a way more detailed way and really do them justice.

Ok now that we're done with that, let's move on and talk about what I think of her 3 biggest "relationships":

ALINA AND THE DARKLING: Listen, I get it. I really do. Who doesn't love a good, old, sexy enemies to lovers? But baby, we're talking about a war criminal here, not somebody who just didn't like Alina at the start, and then evolves as a character and loves her. He's literally a motherfucking old man who manipulates every young girl who's looking for a place to belong to. Did we forget about Genya and Zoya? Cause he did the same thing with them. Now, I also understand that The Darkling was the only one who really UNDERSTOOD Alina's power and wasn't afraid of her, but at the same time... he literally wants to use her for his plans. I know that there are a lot of people who love Darklina, and I'm genuinely curious about what they think, I would really love to read different interpretations of the story!! So please, if you have any different ideas, comment or send me a message!!!

ALINA AND MAL: Mmmh now we start with the more complicated part. So I know the books were in Alina's POV and she's an unreliable narrator, but God help me, I found their relationship so boring and frustrating!!! Maybe the Friends to Lovers trope isn't the most exciting one, but I think that, if done well, it can be really nice. With the Malina I always got so mad, cause the real problem with them is that they didn't really COMMUNICATE!!! Omg sometimes I just wanted to scream "Say what you really think for fucks sake!!!!" But, yeah lol. Also I don't like the fact that it felt like Mal loved Alina yes, but also was really scared of her powers and didn't really "accept" them? Idk, at the end he was ready to die for her, so I guess that's his redemption arc, and I was happy that they both ended up together, but I wonder, would he have loved her the same if she still had her powers? Also I'm really excited to see if the portrayal of Mal in the series will make me re-evaluate him. (I think so cause I love Archie lol).

And now.... drumroll please... ALINA AND NIKOLAI: Oof now you will all see who I really simp for (aside from Matthias lol). My baby Nikolai, the too-clever fox❤ (this analysis doesn't consider his development in the King of Scars duology). I know it may seem crazy to a lot of you, but I feel like Nikolai was the only one who could have really loved Alina for what she was. Alina was the Sun Summoner, the warrior, Sankta Alina of the Fold, but she was also an orphan girl who wanted to belong somewhere and wanted to find her place in the world. Who like Nikolai could understand this? Someone who, yes was a prince, but also was a bastard, underestimated by everybody, and who had to create a false identity to live in his truth. Who also does that in the finale of Ruin and Rising...? You guessed it! Alina! Idk, I think that if Leigh Bardugo had decided to develop the story in a slightly different way Nikolai and Alina could have been together, maybe he could have stayed as Sturmhound and she would have accompanied him, even though I'll admit that I myself have a hard time imagining a different finale for Alina (aside from the fact that she lost her powers, that I really can't accept!!!). In conclusion, I think that Prince Nikolai could have been a good match for Alina, cause he would have really appreciated and understood her!!

This is the end my friends! Pls let me know what you think, I'm eager to talk about this!!! Love you, byeee💘

[flying-elliska]

Literally the only reason I don’t outright despise the darkling in the show is solely cause of Ben Barnes and I’m fully aware of that 😂😂 I HATED him in the books. I didn’t like Mal either but like I honestly could not understand for the life of me why people liked the darkling lol. I feel like I was severely in the minority. Idk I sort of was like.. ok I get he’s maybe supposed to be charming but I see so much through his bullshit it’s not even funny. I felt like I was being told that he was alluring rather than feeling like he was lol. And it annoyed me to no end. Now Ben Barnes as the darkling... he was basically saying the same shit but I was like you know I fully realize you’re full of shit but it’s okie pls keep going 😂😂 he also was slightly different but idk. Maybe this was one of those things where I needed to see it as a visual instead of just in a book

Ahah yeah very relatable. And an interesting thing to think about. When I read the books, which was quite a while ago, I despised his character, and I didn't like Mal either ; I was pretty much there for the fun world and the side characters. (I can't wait to see who they cast as Nikolai, my beloved.) But there is such power in a good performance, and I'm also talking about Jessie Mei Li here because I found Alina so dour and not fun as a protagonist but in the show she's ☀️☀️☀️

I mean there are definitely loathsome characters on TV that are just so fun to watch because they're so stylish and unhinged and the actor is just really going for it and it's fun putting your morals aside as a thought experiment to imagine being at this level of not giving a fuck about anything, it's liberating. One of my all time faves is Glenn Close as Cruella de Vil in the Dalmatian movies I was obsessed with as a kid, and this is a woman who wants to skin puppies, she has zero redeeming qualities and it's amazing to watch because she is so much larger than life and cool and insane. (Don't get me started on all the queer coding for Disney villains too lol.)

So like, I think on TV it's easier to appreciate terrible characters for that performance aspect. And there is something reassuring about making evil into an over the top spectacle, because it makes it less scary, paradoxically ; in real life most evil is very ordinary and respectable-looking and diffuse and insidious and hard to pinpoint, if it isn't made completely invisible by systemic dynamics. Most monsters are some kind of exorcism.

When it comes to books it's trickier to write a villain who is also supposed to be ambiguously likeable, I think, because you don't have the advantage of such a performance, you have to synthesize it all with words, which are more intellectual. Whereas TV has visuals, sounds, it's more easily visceral, which I think is closer to the level on which these types of characters work, the more primal emotions.

And when it gets to the Darkling I get the appeal in theory. First of all, his political agenda is somewhat understandable (and even more so in the show) even if his methods are fucked up, especially considering the heroes seem to be a lot more concerned with reestablishing the status quo for a big part of the story. If you have a villain concerned with fighting injustice and your hero isn't fighting injustice just as hard, then you're kind of setting up people to root for the villain, no matter what gratuitous atrocities get tacked on, because the structure of the story feels unjustified. This is a story pattern people have been calling out for its weird conservative implications for a while now (looking at you Marvel yikes).

Also, the Darkling is very much an example of a trope that is veeeery popular in fiction aimed at women, that of the dangerous, more powerful, often immortal or monstrous supernatural dude associated with death/winter/darkness/the devil that tries to tempt the heroine away from her expected life path and can be either a love interest or an enemy or both. This is like, most recent vampire stories, or Beauty and the Beast, or Hades/Persephone retellings, Hannibal the series for a queer version, possibly also Killing Eve - hell two stories I've read recently were that trope (Winternights trilogy and The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue). And people often prefer it as a romance ; even though it obviously has problematic implications I don't think you can reduce it to 'silly women don't know what's good for them!!!' like I've seen it implied. I'm picky with this trope, I usually prefer deconstructions, but I see the appeal.

The main problem with the Darkling in the books is that I find him annoying, and like that other post says, in fiction a character can be as evil as they want as long as they're not annoying lmao. He's just cold and aggressive and he comes over as this petulant emo douchebag and Alina is supposed to be drawn to that because ???? Ben Barnes sells the charm and the danger so much better, and so when the betrayal comes it feels a lot more meaningful and interesting.

Like don't get me wrong, the Darkling in the books does things that are pretty irredeemable and looks like they're going in that direction in the show too, but I do like that they kept him more human, and I get why people wished the character had gone in a more ambiguous direction. And sometimes you just want a good corruption arc for your hero, that's too rare in my opinion. Also I just think it should be possible to like Problematic Characters without having to excuse everything they do or feel like you've committed a mortal sin against the Good God of Moral Fiction. I've seen the discourse online ping-pong between 'uwu he never did anything wrong!!!!' and 'omg abuse apologism!!!' and I'm like. Degree zero of literacy. Bye.

[louryanalarcon]

Thoughts on Shadow and Bone

08 May 2021

I did something. I read an entire book strictly for leisure for the first time ever really! And I fell in love with it! As you recall, I watched Shadow and Bone on Netflix, and it was fantastic, perhaps the best show I’ve watched since The Witcher and Game of Thrones. Can you tell I have a thing for fantasy series? Well in short, I loved the tv show so much I couldn’t wait another year for season 2. I needed to dive head-first into the Grishaverse and see what lies ahead. See, I tried doing the same with Game of Thrones, but those books are so dense I could barely keep my eyes open. It was like reading a bible. In contrast, these Grishaverse books are much more my speed. I know, they’re Young Adult novels, probably meant for teenagers and a younger crowd, but so is Harry Potter, right? Besides, I never was one for reading, but I can read these books like it were a tv show on paper. I swept through the first book in less than a week! I never do that. Reading is different. I see the allure now. It’s patient, slowly building up as you go until you find yourself a hundred pages in and you’re like, “Hmm, this shit alright.”

Anyways, I have some time on my hand and since I finished both book one and season 1 of Shadow and Bone, I want to write my thoughts on the books and the show. Which one do I prefer? Ultimately, I like the show more – if for one reason alone: the casting of Jessie Mei Li and Archie Renaux as Alina Starkov and Malyen Oretsev. The diverse cast is very much appreciated and they’re all incredible, but to cast two Asians in the lead roles… I can’t express my appreciation for that. In fact, I’m thankful for having watched the show first because now as I read the books, I can’t help but see Asian Alina and Mal fall in love. Am I a sucker for a good love story, of course, look who you’re talking to? But the thing is too, the show really breathed some life into Mal’s character, compared to his otherwise dull book counterpart. I love their love story… that’s really all I have to say about that.

Well, I think I’ve found my new addiction for the next couple months. To think I would like reading so much to the point that every day after work, I’m reading for two or three hours? At least, I’ve found something to keep me preoccupied.

30 May 2021

Well, finished the Shadow and Bone Trilogy – all in less than a month. Never was one for reading, (or continuing old entries), but here I am. I don’t know why I never posted, but I’m going to try to be less of a perfectionist and more personal. This is a blog after all.

Anyways, did I like it? Of course, I did. Considering the fact that I pretty much haven’t read an entire book cover to cover since forever, and now here I am trying to give a book review? It’s odd, but I want to try. What I loved the most about the Shadow and Bone Trilogy is the friends-to-lovers romance between Alina and Mal. I fell in love with them on screen, and honestly, their book counterparts aren’t too bad, especially if you imagine Jessie Mei Li and Archie Renaux in their place.

As far as the first book, Shadow and Bone, is concerned, I basically knew everything that was going to happen after having already watched season one on Netflix. So, that kind of took away some immersion and shock from pivotal moments in the story. However, there was some things the show did differently. By the way, I’m diving right into spoilers, so, sorry in advance. Mal never kisses Alina in season one, whereas in the books, he kisses her right before they meet the stag. I can’t help but feel like this was done purposely to heighten anticipation for their eventual onscreen kiss sometime in season two. I was okay with it. I don’t assume the show will follow exactly what goes on in the books, and that’s fine. Perhaps I was too harsh on book Mal because I felt like he kind of fell flat and never really showed more of himself. But as I continued, I grew to like him. Book Alina is much different than her show counterpart. In the books, she is very unconfident, not nearly as brave, and truthfully, not nearly as beautiful. Jessie Mei Li is almost too gorgeous to play the role, but then again, I’m not really complaining. Some might find Alina as pretentious, and yes, sometimes her constant doubt and jealousy can be, but it really does show what goes on in a young woman’s mind, particularly one who is not typically beautiful or sought after. And incredibly enough, she finds herself in a love-rectangle?

Book two, Siege and Storm, is my favorite. The introduction of Sturmond, Tolya and Tamar, and Zoya’s greater role in the story was what made me love it. First off, Sturmond’s surprise true identity reveal of him being Nikolai was maybe the biggest surprise of the entire series for me. Nikolai is great; his wit and charisma is charming and an appreciated change from the doom and gloom that sometimes characterizes Alina. Also, Tolya and Tamar, being Shu made me relate to them even more. I loved the fact that he’s huge and she’s small and wiry. It was nice. Zoya Nazyalensky. What more can I say? She is my favorite character in the series. The raven-haired Squaller – I’m in love with her. Maybe it’s because Sujaya Dasgupta is gorgeous, or maybe it’s because I love the “mean-girl to nice-girl” trope. She is great, but honestly, I wish we got to learn more about her outside of her incredible beauty. Maybe I’ll find out in the King of Scars duology, which I am currently on right now.

Finally, book three, Ruin and Rising, is probably second on my list. It ended well but took its time to get rolling. I never liked the Apparat, so the beginning of the book was not my favorite. Also, Nikolai wasn’t there to liven things up. It was very gloomy down there underground. But as they ventured up and eventually reunited with Nikolai, then things started rolling. Also, the Apparat kind of just fell off there. Like, we never really learned his true motives. Again, I still have the King of Scars duology to read, so there’s still room. For me, the Apparat’s arc felt unfinished. But oh well, didn’t really care for him. Mal being the third amplifier… I didn’t expect that to be honest. I should listen more carefully. If anything, I guess I didn’t like the final battle. In contrast, Siege and Storm’s final battle felt more climactic and consequential. Alina was left within an inch of her life, her hair turned white, her powers gone, the Darkling’s power gained, a coup, and the crew was forced underground. It was epic. This on the other hand, wasn’t really on that level. There wasn’t much of a battle at all. People get shot and bit, and then Alina kills Mal. It wasn’t so much an epic standoff between Alina and the Darkling so much as it was Alina gaining her third amplifier and winning by default. I went in thinking she had to harness the power of all the amplifiers and defeat the Darkling. Nothing of the sort came about. Perhaps Mal was the true Big Bad since it was his death that rid the Shadow Fold. I’m sort of torn because I’m happy Mal came back alive because he and Alina get their happily ever after, but his “death” didn’t mean much. So, he lived two lives? Also, Alina is left without her powers… I don’t know man, for why?

All in all, I’m happy with Alina and Mal’s ending. Their arc is finished. Orphans of Keramzin bringing up an orphanage of their own, and kissing beneath the stairs while the staff watches from afar? I can dig it. I decided to jump right into King of Scars (mainly for Zoya and Nikolai) rather than start Six of Crows. There are some spoilers unfortunately, so if you really like Nina then don’t do this. Otherwise, I’m mainly concerned with Zoya and Nikolai and the other characters from the original trilogy. So, that’s where I’m at. I’ve gained a newfound hobby and escaped into a new fandom. Reading can be fun sometimes. Give it a try.

[writinginstardust]

Whatever It Takes

Pairing: Isaak Andreyev x reader

Warnings: injury, death mentions, little bit of mild language

A/N: I did a bad thing. Okay so the end is very angsty and I cried while writing it. I got carried away writing this and whacked it out in literally 2 days which is impressive as shit for me especially considering I worked all day everyday 😂 you can partially blame Michelle for giving me the idea for some slightly...shall we say...warped Grisha powers buuut it may have hurt more if I’d kept it to my original plan. look I don’t wanna spoil anything much so just read it if my angel Isaak is someone you’re interested in. Also if you want to potentially cry a bit like I did then when you get to the KoS party listen to “Say Something” by A Great Big World, “I’ll Never Love Again” by Molly Hocking, and/or “Human” by Christina Perri. Enjoy!

Word Count: 4936

*

When Nikolai first assigned Isaak as one of my personal guards a few years ago I never imagined we'd end up here. He should have just been one more face in the sea of people I saw daily but he caught my attention from the moment I met him standing guard outside my bedroom. He was cute. Quiet and unassuming for the most part. Younger than I'd expected. I didn't usually take note of the details but something about the way his hair fought the neat style he'd been going for to curl at his neck and behind his ears had me momentarily entranced.

"Ah, (Y/N), allow me to introduce your newest guard, Captain Andreyev. Your brother chose him specially, he thinks you'll get along well," Garik, another of my guards, said as he saw me standing in the doorway.

"Does he now? Tell me Captain, do you like to have fun? Real fun." A hesitant nod. "You like reading?" A more confident nod. "Nikolai assign you rather than vasily?" Another nod. "Excellent. I'd have to have you re-assigned otherwise." He looked startled and I grinned.

"Something you should learn quickly, Andreyev, don't take much of what she says seriously."

"Excuse me, Garik, that's your princess you're talking about," I sassed.

"I apologise, please forgive me Princess." He smirked as I physically cringed.

"Okay I brought that one on myself, don't do that again." I turned back to Isaak. "Second thing you should learn, I'm not a fan of titles. Too stuffy and I like to think we're all the same at the core. So, Captain, do you have a first name I can call you instead?"

He still seemed thoroughly confused by how the morning had turned out for him but he looked happier about it than most that got assigned to me. "Isaak, ...your highness, ...my name's Isaak."

"What did I say about titles, Isaak?" I teased. "From now on it's just (Y/N), Okay?"

"Yes, your highne-(Y/N). Sorry, I'll get better at that." I studied him for a moment with a smile.

"I like you, I think Nikolai was right. ...Don't ever tell him I said that, I'll never hear the end of it." I looked over to Garik. "I mean it. I'll have your head before I give him a reason to be smug." I felt Isaak tense beside me and couldn't hold back a chuckle as I addressed him again. "I'm kidding...mostly. You'll get used to it eventually, right Garik?"

"She's lying, run while you still can."

"Stop it, you'll scare him off. Honestly Isaak, you have nothing to worry about. Nikolai gave you the best job in the palace. I'm, as my parents put it, 'Too laid back for my own good' but that's their fault for having me last. I mean what's the point in learning how to run the country when I never will? Anyway, we have fun, you'll see."

They escorted me to breakfast and then I spent the rest of the day in the library, very definitely not avoiding the tutor who's work I hadn't bothered to do. By the end of the day Isaak finally seemed to feel at ease and even started to appreciate my particular sense of humour.

He was kind and sweet and very funny when he was comfortable and relaxed and I found myself really enjoying his company. I hoped he'd stick around, if only so I could see his crooked smile again.

"Saints it's late!" I exclaimed after glancing at the clock. "I'm so sorry, you can go and sleep. From now on you have my permission to tell me to shut up whenever you need. You don't have to listen to me prattle on for hours, it's not in your job description." He chuckled and the sound was possibly the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. I wanted to make it happen again. A lot.

"No need, I enjoy listening to you talk. You're a very interesting person." He smiled shyly and I felt my cheeks heat slightly at the compliment.

"Thank you. I recommend you do stop me on occasion though, for your own good."

"I'll keep it in mind. Until tomorrow." He bowed.

"No bowing!" I scolded but a laugh interrupted it as Isaak lifted his head and I saw the cheeky grin plastered on his face. "Saints, Garik's already rubbed off on you. There really is no hope." He chuckled again and I mentally cheered.

"Goodnight (Y/N), sleep well."

"Good night Isaak."

*

It was two years full of repressed feelings, late night talks, and silent but companionable afternoons reading before anything happened between us. True to form, it was more than a little unorthodox.

Isaak had been injured protecting me during the Darkling's attack on the palace and when he'd finally awoken at the Spinning Wheel I hadn't even hesitated to kiss him.

"If I knew all I had to do to get you to kiss me was almost die, I'd have done it a long time ago." He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back as I sat back and entangled our fingers.

"You know you could have just done it yourself whenever you wanted."

"Considering boys like me aren't supposed to be with girls like you, I don't think I could have."

"You should know better than most that I'm just another girl. A normal girl who fell in love with a normal boy. A title can't change that."

"I know you don't care about that stuff but your title makes you second in line to rule. You may not like it and neither do I but there's things people expect from you."

"What if I don't want this life though?" I practically whispered. "What if I want to make my own choices? What if I want to choose you?"

"(Y/N)..."

"This life ruins everything. It's full of war and hard decisions, it takes away your freedom to be who you're meant to be, and eventually it kills you. Like it killed Vasily." It was silent for a moment. I'd never told anyone about the way I felt and I was worried it might change things. Who was I to complain? I'd had everything but here I was unsatisfied with life. It probably seemed beyond selfish to someone like Isaak who had lived with so very little. "I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay, you're allowed to be unhappy. ...Do you want to talk about him? ...about what happened?"

"I...I don't know... I was never as close to Vasily as I am to Nikolai but...he was still my brother  and I loved him." I felt my eyes start to water and tried to wipe away the tears before they could fall. "He was foolish and kind of an asshole sometimes but he didn't deserve to die like that. I miss him…" The last part was barely louder than a breath and I couldn't keep back the tears any longer.

Isaak had held me while I cried and done so again and again whenever I'd needed him.

By some miracle we survived the war and, without the looming threat to our lives and our country, decided to give a relationship a proper chance. It was everything I'd wanted and more. All my firsts were his and it wasn't long before I knew I wanted all my lasts to be as well. Everything was great until Nikolai disappeared.

We'd had to put his contingency plan in action and Isaak had been far too willing to step up.

"Face it, I'm the best option. I know Nikolai well enough now and I've got you to help." He said when we all met to discuss options.

"I still don't think it's going to work. Can we not explain his absence another way?" I countered

"Not without both Nikolai and Ravka seeming vulnerable." Tamar pointed out. "You could probably handle a lot of the important state matters but it won't be enough. I think Isaak is our best bet."

"It's not ideal to be doing this on so little preparation but he's right. He knows Nikolai enough and you can keep an eye on him easily. With you his sister, no one will question it." Genya made a good point. If he wasn't completely alone we might be able to pull it off.

"Alright, let's do it then."

"I won't let you down," Isaak promised. "When do we start?"

"Now." "Tomorrow." Tamar and I said at the same time.

"Isn't it better to start sooner?" She asked.

"Well...yes. But he's going to start looking like my brother soon and there's no way I can kiss him or anything when he's like that. Give me one more day with him, it won't hurt."

"Okay, we'll get started in the morning then. You two enjoy your last bit of time together." Genya grinned, waggling her eyebrows suggestively, and I felt my cheeks heat in response.

"What she said." Tamar agreed. "Just keep it quiet, I don't need to hear it."

"...And on that note, we'll be going now. See you all tomorrow." I took Isaak's hand and pulled him out of the room. "Well that was embarrassing."

"Thought you'd be used to it by now."

"So did I. You're sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure. If it helps you and Nikolai, I'll do anything."

"You're amazing you know."

"So you keep telling me." He grinned.

"Only because it's true. Now come here." I reached up to slide my arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss. He returned it eagerly as his hands came to rest on my waist. I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and he instinctively opened his mouth to me, deepening the kiss and moving to pull me closer.

A throat being cleared close by had us jumping away from each other to find Tamar standing there.

"I know I said I don't need to hear it but I didn't think I had to specify that I also don't need to see it." She raised a brow at us. "Get a room. Preferably before you cause a scene." And she walked away without another word.

"She makes a good point. The room I had here is unoccupied and much closer than the palace," I suggested.

"Lead the way then."

*

The next few weeks were a whirlwind and I was barely able to catch a break between teaching Isaak and helping run the country, and then parties and meetings and girls who wouldn't stop asking me about my brother. But finally it was coming to an end. All our guests would be leaving soon and I could finally get at least a little peace and quiet. There was just one more thing to handle first. Princess Ehri.

She'd been the focus of a lot of our attention since she'd arrived. Tamar had wanted to figure out if one of her guards would defect so we'd found excuses for Isaak to spend time with her and get close. He thought she might know something and be persuaded to tell...if they were alone. Which was why at Isaak's covert signal I'd slipped away from the party and followed them here.

I watched closely from a spot in the bushes and prayed Isaak wasn't wrong about her. It was a risk but when he'd told me what he intended to do I hadn't been able to deny how much like Nikolai it would be. So we'd gone ahead with it. Without any protection.

It was hard to watch the two of them so close together, made my stomach churn unpleasantly. Even though he looked like my brother I still knew it was him and I wasn't afraid to admit that seeing him with another girl made me jealous.

I heard rustling beside me and turned to find Nikolai, the real Nikolai, crouching there.

"Hi trouble."

"Nikolai...saints...you're back, you're alive." I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder, tears starting to fall from my eyes.

"Oh sweetheart don't cry." He squeezed me back tightly and I felt like I could finally breathe again. "You're going to ruin my shirt."

"You ass," I mumbled, the edge of anger in my voice getting lost in the fabric of his shirt. "You stupid, reckless, irresponsible, mad, pirating, ass!"

"I'm happy to see you too. But what exactly are you doing hiding in the bushes?" We finally let go of each other and I was pleased to notice I hadn't been the only one crying.

"Keeping an eye on Isaak." I pointed at the window and watched Nikolai's eyes widen comically is he caught sight of his doppelganger.

"You actually tried that insane plan?"

"We did and it worked like a charm thanks to me." I grinned.

"You know me too well dearest sister, I'm going to have to start keeping secrets." He poked my side and I rolled my eyes as I batted his hand away. "I thought we decided not to use Isaak since you two got together though? It's a dangerous job and I didn't want to risk him."

"I know. He volunteered though and he had the best chance at pulling it off." I'd loathed the thought of having the man I loved put in this position. It had been bad enough knowing my brother's life was in constant danger all our lives, but losing him and putting Isaak at risk as well was painful. Yet another sacrifice I had to make for being born royal.

"Self-sacrificing idiots, the pair of you." Nikolai shook his head fondly.

"That's rich coming from you."

"I am a King, darling, it's my job."

"Is not. Speaking of, did you manage to do it." He knew what I meant without me clarifying, and nodded.

"It's fine, we can talk about it all later-saints, is that a knife!?" I whipped my head round to find Ehri standing way too close to Isaak, a dagger held behind her back. I stood and raced round to the doors but before I could get them open she plunged the dagger into his heart and then turned it on herself. I screamed out as I finally resorted to smashing the glass door when it wouldn't budge.

I scrambled through, cutting myself on the shards that lay around me without feeling the sting. I had to get to Isaak, I had to heal him before it was too late. That was all that mattered.

I dropped to my knees beside him, a hand instinctively going to his chest to start the healing process. It was sticky with blood already and I could feel more and more pouring out every second.

"Isaak, hey, can you hear me? You still with me?" I asked as softly as I could through the tears and sobs that were starting to take over my body. He opened his eyes and looked up at me with a sad smile, somehow finding my free hand and entwining our fingers.

"(Y/N)?"

"I'm here. It's going to be okay, I'm going to make it okay." Even as I said it I wasn't sure it was true. The wound was healing but not fast enough, he was losing too much blood and I couldn't replace it and fix the hole in his chest at the same time.

"I guess I was wrong about her." He said.

"Shhh, don't talk." I dimly registered the sound of doors being thrown open and several sets of footsteps skidding to a halt not far away but then Isaak coughed and I tuned it out. Specks of blood flew from his lips and I felt my heart sink. The vial of Parem I always kept on me sat heavy in my pocket and my fingers twitched with the need to grab it. It was my last hope. The drug could do incredible things and maybe it still wouldn't be enough and maybe it would kill me in the process but Isaak was getting worse and it was my only option. Without it I wasn't going to be able to save him.

He coughed again and there was more blood, staining his lips and trickling from the corners of his mouth. I made up my mind.

"I can't...It's not working," I sobbed.

"'S okay. I love you (Y/N), so much."

"I'm sorry Isaak."

"Don't be sorry, ...you did what you could...I'm not afraid to die." He smiled weakly and reached up a trembling hand to brush away my tears with his thumb.

"No, you're not going to die, that's not why I'm sorry… Im sorry about what I'm going to do to save you."

"(Y/N)...?"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small vial of powder, unscrewing it with shaking hands. I was terrified, this might well kill me but I had to try. I couldn't lose Isaak.

"No…" the protest came out as weak as he was but the panic in his eyes was strong and the others noticed.

"I have to."

"(Y/N), what are you doing?" Nikolai took a step towards me and his eyes caught on the vial in my hand. He darted forward and grabbed my wrist before I could take the Parem. "Don't you dare," he yelled. "I won't let you take that."

"It's the only way to save him," I shot back, trying to wrestle my hand from his grasp. I didn't have long before it would be too late.

"(Y/N) you can't, it could kill you," he tried to reason.

"I don't care! I can't heal him like this, I'm not strong enough, but I can do it with Parem."

"I can't let you risk your life." His voice was softer now and I could see the pain in his eyes. I knew I was hurting him and it wasn't fair but I had to do it.

"And I can't let him die. I'm sorry Nikolai." I finally yanked my hand back and swallowed the powder before anyone could stop me.

I could feel myself getting stronger every moment as the Parem flooded my system, everything was more intense, more focused, stronger. I could feel everything. The blood pumping through my friends' veins, the cells multiplying in my body, ...the near lifelessness of Isaak. Every new sensation and detail was a wonder, it felt incredible. Then came a feeling of impending death and I knew where it originated.

I pulled my focus from everything around me and instead set it on Isaak. With barely a thought and in the blink of an eye his wound had closed and he began to take deep, even breaths again. His eyes flickered open as I manipulated his body into replenishing his blood supply, the colour rapidly returning to his face. I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt how very alive and okay he was.

Isaak's hands flew up to his chest as he sat up and his wide eyes flicked over to me when he felt no wound. I smiled and took his hand, my other reaching up to cup his face. It had worked, it had really worked.

"(Y/N)...No...You shouldn't have." He had tears in his eyes, fully-conscious mind registering  what I'd done.

"There was no other way." More tears, happy ones this time, slid down my face. "I couldn't watch you die."

"You had better survive this stuff then because I can't watch you die." He pressed a kiss to my palm. "Can you heal her?" He nodded towards Ehri. "We might need her."

I didn't want to, not after she'd almost taken Isaak from me but I did. It was so easy. Nikolai ordered Tolya to bring her to the infirmary and keep an eye on her before coming to kneel beside me. He did not look happy.

"You are in so much trouble when you recover from this. So. Much. Trouble." He looked over to Isaak. "I'm glad you're okay. That was a stupid risk you two took tonight though...clearly you're far too good at being me."

"He is, it's rather disconcerting at times." I grinned but it slipped from my face very quickly as i felt the effects of the drug begin to wane.

"Uh-oh…"

"(Y/N)?" Nikolai placed a hand on my cheek and turned my head to make me meet his concerned eyes. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

"It's fading." I whispered, feeling weaker by the second. Isaak's hand clenched around my own and both he and Nikolai sucked in a breath. We all knew what came next wasn't going to be pretty.

"Listen to me." Isaak's voice was remarkably steady but I could feel his heartbeat and knew it was all show. "You're strong, you can fight it. Nina beat it and so can you. Don't give up." His thumb started rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand. "I know it's going to be hard and it's going to hurt but we believe in you, you can get through it." I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay… you're right...I can do this." Then a thought hit me. "I've got an idea."

Rather than explain I got right to it, I hadn't taken much in the hope it would be easier to recover and I didn't have much time left. I could feel the Parem inside me just as I could feel each cell in my body. I focused on the lingering Parem particles and made my body attack. I knew I'd never get it all but I could try. That was only half the problem though. I could feel the damage the drug had done, how it had altered the chemistry of my mind and body. Injuries like any other. I healed them. ...Well as best I could when having to use the very thing that caused them in the first place.

Finally there was no more I could do. Hopefully I'd given myself a fighting chance but I couldn't be sure. As I felt myself crashing down from the high I ceased my efforts and opened my eyes to gaze into Isaak's for what could be the last time.

"I love you," I said, squeezing his hand in promise. I'd fight. Fight it for him and come back. This wasn't a goodbye.

He opened his mouth to say it back but I collapsed before he could. Darkness and pain engulfed me and the despair they wrought made me want to give up immediately, anything to make it and. But I held tight to the thought of Isaak waiting for me and the silent promise I made. I would face anything to get back to him and be in his arms once more. Fight it he'd said, so I fought.

*

A long while later - what I soon found out had been a week - the fight was finally over. I woke to blinding light and silence but I didn't wake alone. When my body at last felt like my own again and my eyes had adjusted to the soft morning? evening? light I registered two sleeping forms weighing down my bed and trapping my hands.

At some point while the healers and heartrenders had me knocked out, Isaak had been made to look himself again. His curly brown hair was a mess and I longed to run my hand through it again. My fingers twitched against his cheek with the need and I felt Isaak begin to stir at the movement. He lifted his head and our eyes locked. His eyes this time, not my brother's. Saints I'd missed those eyes.

"Well you look terrible," I teased. It was a blatant lie. After weeks of seeing him with Nikolai's face and watching him almost die in front of me, nothing was sweeter than the sight of him alive and himself again.

"I did almost die you know," he grumbled sleepily but couldn't keep a smile off his face.

"That's old news and I almost died right after."

"Yes, and you are in a whole world of trouble for that." I hadn't noticed Nikolai wake up on my other side but at his words I cringed and turned to look at him. He looked awful as well.

"In my defence I didn't actually die...so maybe don't be mad at me?"

"Actually you did. ...(Y/N) do you realise the absolute hell you put us both through this past week? Your heart stopped twice and both times I thought they weren't going to be able to get you back, that I was going to have to watch my baby sister die right in front of me and not be able to do anything to save you. Do you understand how hard that is?" Nikolai had tears in his eyes and the pain of seeing him so undone, having been the one that caused it, gnawed away at my heart.

"I do understand," I said quietly. "It's exactly how I felt when Isaak was dying." I took a steadying breath and squeezed both their hands. This much emotion so soon after waking up was difficult to cope with.

"I know what I did was a stupid risk and you can both lecture me as much as you like about it but let me ask you something first. It might help you understand. Now, I have no idea just how bad I was but you both look like wrecks so it must have been a bit of a horror show. If you'd had the chance to make it better, to stop the pain and help me, would you have done whatever it took?" As I suspected they both nodded without even a moment's hesitation. "Then you can't blame me for doing what I did. I'd do anything, sacrifice everything, to save either one of you. There was nothing you could do for me but there was something I could do for Isaak and I won't ever regret taking that risk. It was worth it." Both of them had started crying and I tugged on their hands to bring them into a hug. "I'm sorry I scared you," I whispered through my own tears.

"We forgive you," Isaak breathed into my shoulder. "Just never, ever do anything like that again."

"I promise." I let them go and they both took seats on the edge of my bed. "So what have I missed? And what happened to you?"

"A lot," Nikolai said simply. "I'll get you caught up later but you should probably know that I'll be marrying Princess Ehri."

"What!? She tried to kill Isaak! ...Or you I guess."

"Not her actually, that was one of the Tavgharad, Mayu."

"That makes a lot of sense actually. I can't believe you're really getting married though."

"Neither can I but we all have to do what's necessary." He paused and the smirk I knew to fear spread across his face. "Speaking of marriage...I expect you two to finally stop putting it off. If almost dying for each other isn't enough to commit then I don't know what is."

"Is that really possible though? I mean, (Y/N)'s a beloved Princess and I'm just a guard." There was so much hope in Isaak's eyes and I could only hope that wouldn't be shattered.

"Also technically he didn't almost die for me, he did that for you. Maybe you should marry him."

"Maybe, we'd make a very attractive a couple." He eyed Isaak jokingly and I poked his chest hard.

"Hands of, I got there first."

"Fine. But I don't think anyone can object to a man who laid down his life for his King. Isaak is a hero and I do believe the Princesses in the stories marry the heroes."

"You're serious?" Nikolai nodded with a grin. "Thank you!"

"There's nothing to thank me for. All I want is for you to be happy and Isaak makes you happy. I'll be damned if something as ridiculous as the circumstances of your births takes that away from you."

"You are the best brother ever."

"I know." He turned to Isaak. "You know you're already like a brother to me now but I'm still warning you. Don't ever do something stupid and dangerous like that again. If you get hurt, that hurts (Y/N) and I refuse to let anything else hurt her again. Understand?"

"Of course."

"Speaking of hurting, everything's okay with your wound right?" I asked Isaak.

"It's fine, I've never felt better actually. You did good, didn't even leave a scar."

"Really?" I couldn't quite believe it somehow and pulled down the collar of his shirt to check. Nothing. Not a mark marred his skin. My fingers idly traced where the dagger had pierced but I could feel as little as I could see. There really was no sign anything had even happened.

"I feel like I shouldn't be seeing this," Nikolai said, averting his eyes.

"Leave then," I said not even bothering to look over at him. And when I pulled Isaak down into a kiss, he did.

I'd missed this. The soft press of Isaak's mouth against mine, the safety I felt wrapped in his arms, the utter surety of every touch. Everything silently saying I love you, I'll never stop loving you. And I'd never stop loving him either. If I had to die a thousand times to keep him beside me it would never be too much.

*

Tag Lists: (send an ask if you want to be added!)

Everything: @wonderfilledness

Grishaverse: @thats-so-bucky

[nerdishfeels]

March Wrap up!

Hey guys! This month I read one book again.

I had a lot going on this month. I've been learning Korean and getting some work done for my bro. I did, however, watch a lot of TV shows though.

What I read:

Shadow and Bone - 4.5*

I really liked this book!

Tbh from the beginning, I wasn't really gripped. There was a point where I started to question whether I was enjoying it or not, until when Alina went to the Little Palace.

I felt sorry for Alina when she said how girls would pretend to be her friend just to get close to Mal. That's one way to make someone feel insignificant 🙄

I loved Alina and her savagery!

I liked the concept of the Grisha and how they're assigned into different groups. I thought it was interesting to see how they're considered as outsiders by the people.

Alina's power is pretty badass, especially with her mirrors. I like the sound of "The Sun Summoner".

I think it would have been nice if the Darkling was actually "good". Wouldn't it have been a nice contrast to his title?

I really liked Genya. I thought it was sweet to see that she fell for the introvert David. Opposites attract as they say.

Despite what Genya did towards the end, can you really blame her? The king was a sleazy bastard. And she was being mistreated amongst the Grisha. It's just a shame that she had to side with The Darkling in order to do that.

I didn't really think of Mal much in the beginning. He annoyed me when he slut-shamed Alina. But he kinda redeemed himself towards the end of the book.

I'm warming up to Mal and Alina's relationship.

I have no idea how the story is gonna progress but I smell a rebellion 😉

What I watched:

I watched Timeless, Van helsing, Wyronna Earp, Once upon a time, The Order and The Originals. But I will be talking about two shows I really enjoyed this month.

Wyronna Earp - S1-S2:

The theme song! I rock my head to it everytime I hear it.

A western drama with supernatural demons. Like, hell yeah?!

Normally, supernatural shows introduce how their world works, like what people can or can't do, what kind of creatures exists etc. At first, all we really know is that the Earps are powerful for a reason and they have a badass gun to vanquish demons back to hell. But as the show progressed, you see the bigger picture (like who the villain is and who's at stake etc.).

I loved Wyronna! So badass and funny! I loved the episode where she accidentally gets possessed by a demon. So good. I loved how carefree she is, despite all that responsibility put on her shoulders.

Wyronna's sister, Waverly, is adorable, sweet and lesbian! Sometimes, she looks fragile and you don't want her to get hurt lol. But luckily she can handle herself. The Earps are seen as freaks in their small town and it's sad to see Waverly try to fit in with these people (they're not worth it!). I'm glad she has a sweet relationship with Nicole.

DOC! I loved everything about his character. His style, his accent, his gunslinging talent, his confusion at the modern world👌

I also loved Wyronna and Doc's relationship, especially in the second season. They're so adorable together.

Deputy Marshall is cool too, but I love Doc more lol.

Who doesn't enjoy some good ol' plot twists? It's pretty much the reason I need season 3 now.

The Originals - All five seasons:

I can sum up this series with one word: Klaus.

I loved how layered his character was. At first, you see him as a tantrum vampire who is allergic to the word "trust" and always gets his own way (I mean, imagine having the ability to stab your siblings and keep them asleep for eternity?).

But as you get to know him throughout the series, you see how he pretends he is "unredeemable" when he actually loves his family deeply and would die for them.

I felt a deep connection with Klaus because of the emotional abuse he went through with his father. I guess that made me closer to his character because I got it. I understood how messed up it makes you, but you grow out of it. And Klaus did. He became a better father to his own child.

Klaus is deeply flawed but he is one character who proves that a damaged past doesn't have to affect your future.

I felt this show tackled the idea of emotional abuse well. They showed how mainpulative parents can be. They make you feel like you're worthless so they can take control over you.

Klaus' and Cami's relationship is my FAVOURITE in the whole series (with the exception of him making her forget in the beginning. I mean from the moment that Cami understands him for the person he is).

I'm kinda sick of the trope where one character (i.e. Klaus) embodies all the "evil" in the world and everyone else are righteous saints. None of the Mikaelsons are innocent. They have blood on their hands (coz they're vampires, get it? 😂). This was one pet peeve I had about the show.

I thought Elijah was smart and I admired his motto of "Always and forever". But there were times when he became a hypocrite and that put me off him.

I liked Rebekah. Even though she was sometimes annoying, I appreciate a badass woman when I see one. I just didn't feel her relationship with Marcel was genuine. Their relationship was like a seesaw. Either they're together or Marcel has an affair with his city (i.e. New Orleans).

The other characters were ok too but Klaus made this show tbh.

You never get used to the sound effects of biting, drinking blood and breaking bones. Makes you sick every time 😅

The series finale! I was heartbroken. I understood why the situation had to happen but it doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

I know that the Originals is a spin-off to The Vampire Diaries but I'm sure it doesn't matter which one you watch first. I'm currently watching The Vampire Diaries right now.

And that's my wrap up! What did you read or watch this month? Anything good? 😃

[thorne93]

The Newcomer (Part 4)

Prompt: You’re Y/N Beauchamp, daughter to Wendy Beauchamp. When you’re sent away to Spenser Academy, you have no idea what waits for you there…

Word Count: 1743

Warnings: language, violence, anger…

Notes: This is for @xx-multi-fandom-imagines challenge! Crossover of The Covenant, and the show Witches of East End. Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @carryonmyswansong. Wouldn’t be possible without brainstorming with @carryonmyswansong, so thank you for that, darlin!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caleb wasn’t exaggerating when he said it was a lot to take in. He took you to the library in his mansion where the boys pieced together their own histories for you. Tyler told you about the Simms, Reid filled you in on the Garwins, Caleb the Danvers, etc.

They elaborated more on spells they could cast, such as a Darkling. Darklings could manifest on their own. They could come in the form of a dead spirit. Or it could be a real spirit itself warning someone that possesses their type of magic of death. Seeing a Darkling was never good, it was usually an omen.

They explained to you that they didn’t want to use out in the open, so you respected that. Caleb seeme the most conservative with it, probably due to his dad. Reid on the other hand was so lax with it, it hurt you to watch him abuse them sometimes.

But, you tried to do everything to keep him from needing to use them.

Whenever possible, you used a copy of Freya’s Brain-batch brownies. A special batch of brownies that helped sharpen the mind. It was like a temporary eidetic memory. Anything that someone had seen or heard in the last month was instantly accessible, like a computer without any lag. It came in handy for tests. It wasn’t cheating because it used the person’s own memories, it just sped up the process and sharpened the processing.

The guys really liked your brownies and were thankful that you were willing to use your powers and share them with them.

To show your appreciation of them taking such good care of you, you got them each little enchanted gifts over the course of a few weeks. After you poured your heart and soul into ideas for them, you began gifting them.

First, Pogue’s was a bewitched helmet. It would protect him even if a semi-truck hit him.

“You got this for me?” he asked as you handed it to him in the shop.

“Yeah. I figured you know, to say thanks,” you said with a shrug. “Try it on, make sure it fits.”

He pulled it on and sported it around for you for a minute before taking it off. “So… what’d you do to it?”

“Why do you always think I have an ulterior motive?” you asked, sounding hurt.

“Because you do,” he reminded with a laugh.

You returned the chuckle as you nodded. “Well, it may or may not be enchanted,” you said with a shrug.

“I knew it. Is this… okay? It won’t shine a light for your grandfather will it?”

“The King? No,” you assured with a shake of your head. “A measly little helmet isn’t going to do that. But that isn’t all…” You walked over to his very expensive, brand new Ducati. You waved your fingers over the bike three times, chanting a spell you’d heard Ingrid do once on her brand new car.

“Now what the hell did you do?” he asked as he sauntered over to the bike, examining it for changes.

“I simply made your bike so that it would never need to be repaired. Aside from oil and gas, this baby is ready to travel coast to coast every day for the next fifty years,” you informed with a gleaming smile, boasting your powers a bit.

“Oh man. Wow. Thanks, Y/N. I don’t know what we’d do without you,” he said before he punched you lightly in the shoulder.

“I perish the thought, Perry,” you teased before sticking your tongue out, making him laugh.

Next was Reid’s. Which was an enchanted ring that only activated at his touch. It was a dragon that curled around itself.

The two of you were standing in his dorm as he took the little velvet pouch from you and dumped the ring into his palm?

“Jewelry?” he asked incredulously. “I’m not really a dragon man but…”

“Forget about the dragon. Put it on,” you instructed.

He gave you a curious look but obliged. Once it was on, it tightened around his finger and the jewel in its eye seemed to illuminate.

“Woah, shit. What’s it doing?” he asked, jumping back a little, intrigued more than anything.

“It’s a protector. It’s first job is to protect you, but I know how sometimes you hate sitting in class. This will give you an illusion to cast. The illusion can talk, respond, think just as you would, but you can leave it undetected.”

“That’s badass,” he noted. “So how long? How do I get away without being spotted?”

“Whenever you want to leave, wave your other hand over the dragon, say ‘exitus’ and it’ll cloak you while it creates an illusion based on your current state. You'll have about sixty seconds to get away before you’re spotted again.”

“Wait, but even if i skip class, I’ll still be missing information, which means I’ll flunk.”

“Oh, didn’t I mention the ring is also a recording device? As soon as it’s activated, it starts.”

“Holy shit. You thought of everything,” he complimented as his gaze danced between you and the ring. “This is awesome.”

You shrugged with an impish grin. “I try. I know you’d like to use your powers to escape so… maybe this will help. But don’t abuse it! Please?” you requested. “I don’t want you falling behind and then your mom is coming to find me to beat my ass.”

“Hey, I’d never let that happen,” he assured before throwing his arm over your shoulders. “But I won’t abuse it. Promise.”

“Thanks, Reid.”

Following that was Tyler. His gift was a tad more practical, but he needed it.

Sitting in the library, he was swamped with books.

“Hey, Ty,” you greeted as you sat down across from him.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Busy studying?” you questioned.

He didn’t glance up at you at all, he merely responded, “Yeah. Sorta. Could we catch up later?”

“Oh, yeah sure, I just need to give you this,” you said, sliding a royal blue book with gold patterns on it towards him along with a black fountain pen. “I’ll be off now.”

“Woah, what the hell is this?” he asked, picking it up. “Is this more homework from Chem? God I swear--”

“It’s not schoolwork, dude,” you assured. “This is a Learner Ledger,” you informed proudly.

“A what?” he wondered, a trace of annoyance in his tone.

You heaved a sigh and yanked the book back, opening it. “Put your notes in here. Write down whatever you hear in lecture or learn here. Tap the pen, this pen exactly against the last page of notes. The ink will disappear but all of the notes will be here.” You reached up and poked him in the forehead.

“How is that different than taking notes or your brownies?”

“I’m glad you asked. The brownies are temporary, mainly right before an exam. These will help with pop quizzes and finals. Not to mention, how often have you taken notes and actually retained anything?” you teased and he threw a crumpled up ball of paper at you. You laughed as you swatted it away. “Hey, I’m just saying. I can take this back if you want,” you said, starting to pick it up.

Quickly, his hand was across the table, grabbing for the book.

“I’ll take the damned book.”

“Atta boy,” you said with a wink before you got up.

That only left Caleb. What could you possibly get a guy who never used magic, rocked on the swim team, studied hard, and never asked for a single thing?

But that’s when it hit you. You pulled out your potions handbook that Freya had made for you and looked for what you needed.

It was only a few nights later that you showed up at Caleb’s doorstep, pizza and a two-liter in hand.

“Y/N,” he greeted with a touch of fondness and shock. “What brings you by?”

He stepped aside to let you in and you explained, “Well, I’ve been giving each of you guys gifts. Sort of a...well a thank you for all that you’ve done.”

“You don’t have to do that,” he assured. “We’re happy to take you in and look after you.”

You shrugged and nodded. “I know, but what kind of Beauchamp witch would I be if I didn’t graciously thank my new witch family?”

He grinned widely at you. All of the boys had gotten to know a lot about your family’s history -- what you could remember and what you’d been told. Not to mention, each of them inquired about you to their families that filled in the gaps as well.

“Fair enough. So my gift is pizza? I heard you gave Pogue an enchanted helmet…” he said with a raised eyebrow.

You laughed lightly. “I did. But no, the pizza isn’t your gift. Could you show me where your mom keeps the alcohol?”

Caleb hesitated for only a moment. He didn’t like people knowing about his mom, but with it being a small town, everyone knew. However, you were different. You’d been over to his house enough to know the problems that went on at home. You’d even been by several times to see his father, help with errands. You were just like the other boys, a part of the family. He didn’t keep things from you, and he even confided in you once about his mom’s alcoholism.

“Uh, sure,” he said uneasily. “What’s up?” he asked as he started to usher you into an ornate den.

“I have something that I think might help both of you.”

He showed you to a cabinet that was full of liquor bottles.

“This,” you said, holding up a small vial full of candy green liquid, “is a healing potion.” You uncorked one bottle and put a drop in, repeating the process as Caleb watched you. “So now, when your mom drinks, every drink will heal her. It won’t be addictive though. So she’ll feel better, but she won’t put together that the alcohol is doing it.”

“Damn. That’s pretty good,” he complimented.

“I know!” you boasted with a proud grin. “That’s my gift to you,” you assured, taking his hand and squeezing gently. “The other part of my gift is a night off from taking care of everyone. You and I are going to have a movie night, with pizza and drinks, alright?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he teased.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[disneydreamlights]

So, the other two members of of Wayward Wind. Black hair would still be the loner type and be somewhat hostile towards the Player, with Ventus being introduced arguing with him. However, he does have a heart of gold and is perfectly willing to challenge a Foreteller to protect Ven, which we'd see in Back Cover. Fortunately that Foreteller is Ava so he doesn't die. He also gets irritated when people crack jokes in serious situations.

Then there's white hair. He's the heart of the trio. He breaks up fights between his two friends whenever they occur, to varying degrees of success. While nice, he does have his limits, and legit threatens to kill the Player if they ever tell anyone about Ven's darkness. He also likes to tease black hair. Whenever Ven starts being rebellious, he'll typically say something like "he gets that from you" to black hair. Might be his way of flirting.

First and second honestly sound like they’d make a really cute ship. Xp (Plus it keeps up the “Ven is a third wheel” joke. XD)

On the subject of first though I feel like he’s a complete tsundere with a side of “Touch my friends and I’ll murder you.” But very much towards the party he’s loyal as hell and wouldn’t let anything hurt any of them.

White hair is open about his love for them and really wants to keep Ven safe in the meantime because the poor boy is a cinnamon roll and needs to be protected from harm.

As, the two of them aren't hypocrites. Despite Vanitas' worries upon reuniting with them, they'd still accept and over protect him and Ven as much as they did back in Daybreak Town. They'd still ground him though. They'd also very much appreciate Terra's willingness to fight Eraqus to protect Ven. I mean, they'd be willing to fight a Foreteller and die as slowly as possible just to keep Ven safe, why wouldn't they admire Ven's protectors?

GOOD SHIT this right here is good shit they’re the over protective siblings (because Terra and Aqua are his parents) Ven never had but now gets to have.

As for Ven's recruitment scene from Back Cover? It would be very tense, if it wasn't from Ava's perspective. The Wayward Winds would misunderstand Ava's intent when she asks for Ven, prompting them to try and get him away from her. Black hair would face her first intending to die as slowly as possible. Once Ava non-lethally subdues him, she runs into white hair, who actually tries to beat her, only for him to get knocked out when she stops pulling her punches. Then she recruits Ven

I’m imagining Wayward Wind must’ve been terrified for Ven. He’s got a Foreteller chasing after him so they must’ve been so worried but it shows how selfless they are and how much they care for Ven and each other in that they were willing to drop everything and stop Ava, even at the risk of their lives. I’d imagine there was a huge fight before one of them was forced to stay behind over which one would go first.

So, bear in mind that Ven would go from about 3 years younger to 2 years older than his party members by the time they have their reunion. Not to mention that he'd also now be two people, both of whom are more powerful than them. We'd have two children trying to overprotect their teenage sons and that is a mildly amusing mental image to me. That and the fact that the situation is even possible in the first place.

All I can say about this is yes. Because yes.

Vanitas would have no sympathy for Eraqus. He'd know that he's only alive because Eraqus isn't. Eraqus would have killed Vanitas for being made of darkness regardless of his moral standing and he knows it. He detests Eraqus as much as he detests Xehanort. This would be a point of contention between him and his family. Strelitzia wouldn't really have an opinion on Eraqus as a person but would tell Terra he was right to defy him in the end.

Agreed. I love my old man masters but I one hundred percent agree to this. There is no way within reason that Vanitas wouldn’t hate both of the old masters. One was the epitome of “Darkness will prevail” and the other is the epitome of “Light will prevail” and seeing as Vanitas would very much be the embodiment of twilight, darkness and light in balance is very important to his arc and survival, and both of them disagreeing with that policy would not only cause him a lot of shit but their treatment of Ven makes it worse.

(I want to note that in my thinking on this that would very much make Ven more an embodiment of Dawn if this is the route you kinda wanna go with which would be interesting since while one is more dark than the other they are also both perfect balances for light and dark which highlights everything in the balance is key that the MMO AU seems to strive for.)

Pretty much the only reason Aqua gives Vanitas a chance is because Ven guilt-trips her into it, pointing out that any Keyblade master from their day (sans Xehanort) would have killed Vanitas on sight, meaning that he didn't really have the chance to be anything BUT evil. And Vanitas would actually have gone to multiple Keyblade Masters for help pre-BBS only for Xehanort and/or his Unversed to have to rescue HIM from the darkness-hating Masters of that day. Hence why there aren't many left.

I mean that doesn’t surprise me. Most of my Vaniqua ideas as a Vaniqua shipper tend to start off with “So Ven convinces Aqua to give Vanitas a chance...” so like...I can definitely understand where that’s coming from. Poor Vanitas and all the masters he would’ve went to. I mean I know Eraqus would’ve probably had him killed on sight but sometimes considering how Vanitas was treated I can’t help but wonder if that would’ve been better.

Okay, out of all the Wayfinder family, I think Vanitas would get along with Strelitzia the most, partially because she never knew him as a villain, only as that cute little cinnamon role in Daybreak Town and her somewhat overprotective Big Brother in the Land of Departure. She would not have run into Vanitas during her quest for revenge. So, there'd be far less tension between them than Vanitas would have with the others.

I agree. Honestly Strelitzia probably adopts him into her created family. (The thing that finally convinces Aqua to warm up to Vanitas is seeing him interacting with Strelitzia. and taking care of her.)

At some point after Lauriam is defeated but before the Player wakes up in Enchanted Dominion, we'd get a cutscene which is basically just Vanitas monologuing on how hatred has kept him going. Hatred of Lauriam, hatred of Ephemer, hatred of Xehanort, and hatred of "the coward [he] used to be" [Ven]. It would then be revealed that the speaker is actually the Vanitas Remnant, about to confront Sora for the first time, vowing to die in the Keyblade War, and bring "Ephemer's lie" down with him.

Speaking of the Remnant, it would only be sentient when close to Sora. Things is because it is a being of pure emotion. However, since Vanitas sleeps in Sora's heart, the Remnant would awaken and act on his will. Needless to say this makes the Remnant difficult to predict. Vanitas would try to use the Remnant to get out of Sora's heart and regain his physical form. Good thing his redemption arc happens DURING KH3 in this AU, otherwise there'd be trouble.

Damn Vanitas Remnant actually sounds kinda terrifying. I can feel him on a lot of that hatred though.

So, "Enter the Darkness" would play during the battle against Ventus in Dwarf Woodlands (unless you think "Enter the Void" is more appropriate), while "Vanitas" would play during the boss fight against the Large Snowman in Beast's Castle at the end of that arc, because "Ventus" is way too melancholy a track for that boss fight and he and Vanitas WERE the same person back then, so it works. But still, I did get some more ideas for that arc.

Nah, Enter the Void sounds fine. And agreed, Ven’s theme would be way to melancholy for any fight in KHUx sans maybe the Darklings.

Okay so, you know how in the canon game the white-haired Keyblade Wielder in the "Friend or Rival" arc is injured by the Large Snowman offscreen? We'd actually see it happen in the MMO AU. Black Hair (working name) would have simply been trying to distract it so Ven could escape, while White Hair would realize that Ven wouldn't flee until the Heartless was defeated and so would basically try to defeat it so Ven would listen to them, only to get taken down (but not out) in one hit.

So, that would basically be where the Player comes in, Black Hair would take White Hair back to Daybreak Town while the Player and Ven fight the Huge Snowman (turns out the Large Snowman was an event Heartless in the original game) together. Ven deals Speed Type Damage while the Huge Snowman would be a Magic Type enemy. After defeating it, the next Story Quest would be to talk to Ven in Daybreak Town. Talking to him would trigger a cutscene where he takes you to see White Hair. Cue wrap up.

So yeah, there we'd get the big heartwarming scene where Ven would learn his party members had known about his darkness since the day they basically adopted him, just like what was established before. I just wanted to give you my newer idea for how things would go down. Also, Ven's attack as a boss would be based off his original Attack Medal, meaning he'd deal 4 hits, inflicting more damage the lower his HP is. Just figured that would work.

Honestly this would be super cute and a great way to wrap up the entire arc for the trio. Also on that note Ven using the same attack as his medal would be a great way to foreshadow that BBS!Ven and Ux!Ven are the same person since I’d like to think initially that would be very ambiguous. 

So, in the MMO AU, most Keykids' Keyblades materialize when they're 10. Ven's materialized prematurely when he was 7, the night his parents discovered his darkness and tried to drown him. They lived the rest of their lives unaware that Ven was saved by 2 children who saw a beam of light from the water. As for how the Wayward Winds found out? Ven used the darkness unconsciously one night when he had a nightmare about getting dragged under water.

Damn, Ven’s had a really rough life. I want to fight his parents and I’m honestly glad that the Wayward Winds didn’t have a bad reaction when they found out about all this.

[fire-emblem-heroes-supports]

Innes/Eirika C-A Support

Written by  fieryleaves

Disclaimer: Eirika and Ephraim are from two years after SS ends, while Innes is from right before the group goes to Darkling Woods. And Eirika is already married to Innes in her present, while because the war is still going on in Innes’ present, the two just got their A support (in SS) in his present.

C SUPPORT

y/n: Queen Eirika, are you alright?

Eirika: Y-yes. Sorry, I’m just a bit lonely. While everyone here is incredibly kind, I sometimes miss all of my allies in Magvel.

y/n: But you have your twin brother, and your newborn son here, so you do have family here, at least. Granted, your brother does get deployed a lot, but still.

Eirika: I suppose you’re right, thank you.  Though speaking of my brother, I should practice with my sword arm for a few minutes more,  since he’d scold me if I miss a day. 

[Eirika leaves.]

y/n: Hmm… Wasn’t there supposed to be a new focus summon today, called the Sacred World? And I think they were Amelia, Seth, Tana and Innes. Hmm… Perhaps Eirika would cheer up if one of her soldiers, or her vassal, or her sister-in-law, or especially her husband, were reunited with her. Let me try and- POW!

[Innes arrives.]

Innes: I am Prince Innes of Frelia. Not that I care, but… is a man called Ephraim here?

y/n: No, not at the moment, he went out on a mission that I sent him on. However, his sister Eirika is still in the castle. Do you want to see her?

Innes: Alright. Show me to her.

[Eirika enters.]

Eirika: y/n. I heard you got quite a lucky summon and- Darling, is that you?! *kisses Innes*

Innes: Wait, ‘Darling’? ‘DARLING’?!  Eirika, I haven’t had the right to woo you, as I haven’t bested your brother yet, so why do you address me as if you are my wife?!

Eirika: Innes, have you hit your head on something hard recently?

Innes: No… (I’m about to once this conversation ends if she doesn’t explain herself!)

Eirika: Then I can’t fathom why you forgot that we married a year ago, once the war with Grado ended and you were crowned King.

Innes: Wait, Eirika, have you gone mad? The war with Grado has not ended yet, as we’re on the march to Darkling Woods to end it NOW. 

Eirika: Innes, wait! *sighs* Why does he have to be so… infuriating now?

y/n: Damn… so you two are from different points in the timeline, eh? I should’ve known, since he addressed himself as Prince Innes, rather than King Innes and asked where your brother was, first.

Eirika: It’s not your fault, y/n. Though I should clear this up with him myself.

[Innes and Eirika have reached support rank C.]

B SUPPORT

Innes: Hah! Yah! *shoots arrows at enemies* I warned you!

Emblian soldier: Take this!

Innes: Damn…that hurt. But no matter, BEHOLD MY SKILL! *kills enemy*

Eirika: D-Innes? You’re bleeding quite badly.

Innes: Eirika, when did you get here?

Eirika: I was on the battlefield the whole time, but let’s get you to Maria. I’ll protect you from any Emblian Soldiers that come our way.

Innes: I’m perfectly fine, Eirika. I should be the one protecting you, I still need to repay you and- *gets picked up* How did you-? Put me down!

Eirika: Please, Innes. Maria is coming here now, so get yourself healed.

Maria: Eirika! Innes! Are you guys OK?

Eirika: I’m fine, heal him. He lost more HP than I did.

Maria: Alright.

[Maria heals Innes and then leaves.]

Innes: Eirika, why did you do that?

Eirika: Do what?

Innes: I should be the one protecting you, and yet, when an enemy shows himself, you rush in and attack! Plus, you made Maria heal me instead of you!

Eirika: I can’t help you with your image problems, Innes. You’re an archer, so y/n said that you have to attack units from a distance. Me? I have to tank enemies since my physical defenses are better than yours.

Innes: That is unacceptable. After Carcino, when I said that I was going to protect you, I was being quite sincere.

Eirika: And while I appreciate that, what if you die at the hands of the enemy?

Innes: …

Eirika: I detest fighting, that much you know, and lately I’ve been having nightmares about this horrible war. Nightmares that always show at least one of my close allies dying while hundreds of bodies lie lifeless on the ground. General Seth lost the function of his lance arm defending me from Valter, you know. I’ll never forgive myself for that. Nor will I forgive myself for living to flee while many of Renais soldiers died protecting the kingdom.

Innes: I don’t detest fighting, but I won’t give up. Not here. Not in this place. I’ll keep going, even if I have to crawl. Frelia needs a King, I know that, but it also needs a Queen as well.

Eirika: Innes! Thank you… but there’s something I need to tell you…

Innes: What is it?

Emblian Soldier: *enters* There they are! Get ‘em!

Eirika: Looks like there’s another one here, too. *sighs and leaves*

Innes: Eirika! Blast! I’ll just protect her from behind…but what was she going to say?

[Innes and Eirika have reached support rank B.]

A SUPPORT

Ephraim: Thanks again, sister, for killing that Axe user for me. Looks like the tides have changed, eh?

Eirika: You’re welcome, brother. Though it’s high praise coming from you, since you can spear anything that dares oppose you.

Ephraim: Well I don’t pick fights I don’t win, sister.

Eirika: Yes, I know. Though while I have no taste for war, it’s still nice to reunite with you again, brother. After all, in normal circumstances, we would only see each other on annual visits from one of us to the other, now that we both have different kingdoms to rule.

Ephraim: Ah, that reminds me, I heard that the  Innes here is from two years past, meaning the two of you haven’t married yet in his time.

Eirika: What of it, Ephraim?

Ephraim: If I recall correctly, you were about 6 months pregnant the day that we coincidently got whisked away to this other world, and considering that both you and I have been here for 4 months, the child should have been born already. Sorry for only asking about this now, but… First of all… What’s his name?

Eirika: How did you figure out that I had given birth to a boy?

Ephraim: y/n told me.

Eirika: Well, um, his name is Fado.

Ephraim: You named him after Father? But, next question. Have you told Innes about any of this? The one here, not the one from the present.

Eirika: No. And frankly because of how he reacted to me being from two years after his present, I’m sure that he will lose his composure even more if he finds out that he’s a father in two years.

Ephraim: You should tell him, since while he technically isn’t your husband in his time, he still is little Fado’s father…in two years time.

Eirika: All right, thank you, Ephraim.  Though you haven’t yet met my son yet, so do you have any time to spare?

Ephraim: I… don’t know.

[Innes enters.]

Ephraim: (Eirika, he’s standing right there!) 

[Ephraim nudges Eirika, then leaves.]

Eirika: (Very well, Ephraim. I’ll go.) Innes, do you remember how I wanted to tell you something, but enemy soldiers interrupted us?

Innes: Yes, why?

Eirika: Please, follow me. *grabs Innes’ hand*

[Scene transitions to Eirika’s tent.]

Innes: Eirika, why did you bring me to your bedroom? I know that you and I are married in your time, but that doesn’t mean we are free to-

[Crying noises.]

Innes: …Of course, that explains why you were more plump in some areas than I remember you being. You just had a child, didn’t you?

Eirika: Yes. Our child. Er well, technically, the child sired by you in two years from now.*picks up Fado* His name is Fado, after my late father.

Innes: I don’t have the right to woo you, not now anyway. So why are you showing me our future heir? To attempt to get me to duel your brother as quickly as possible?

Eirika: No! I’m showing you him so I can ask you if you could be his surrogate father, at the very least. Or is there a law in Frelia that prevents two people from raising a child together, even if they aren’t married yet?

Innes: No, of course not. Even if the circumstances are… very awkward and confusing. However, you should at least breast or bottle feed him right now,  since he is suckling your breastplate, currently.

Eirika: Yes, I probably should now. *takes off breastplate and undos shirt* Here, Fado. *brings Fado closer to chest*

Innes: He’s a lot calmer when he gets what he wants.

Eirika: Then he’s just like his father, it seems.

Innes: Eirika!

Eirika: I’m only teasing you. Though, I think he finished eating, so do you mind holding him a bit? *hands Fado over to Innes and leaves*

Innes: Eh? Hmm…*starts humming* (I know that my father did this with my sister and I to make us calm down, so maybe he’ll enjoy it)

[Fado smiles.]

Innes: *laughs quietly* So this is what it’s like…being a father.

[Innes and Eirika have reached support rank A.]

[fuckyeah-thedarkness]

Even though Darknesstival was a couple of weeks ago we're still talking about it. I'm sure you're all aware that the guys have already started planning the next one, and there's a possibility it'll happen in other parts of the world. Exciting, isn't it? Anyway, I interviewed one lucky Darkling who attended the first ever Darknesstival. We had a lovely chat. Well, I sent @lauraqueenie83 the questions and she gave me very detailed answers. Some of it was for my ears and eyes only, but that's how interviews work. 😉 Check the gallery above and read the interview below. 

Let’s start with the usual. How long have you been a fan and how many times have you seen them live? I'm a TD fan since 2003, but I could see them live only in 2016, but when I do something, I do it well: 3 times!!

How did you discover The Darkness in the first place? I was working in an office and I heard “I Belive In A Thing Called Love” on the radio. I jumped from my chair and bumped up the volume! It was love at first sight!!

What's your favourite song? What do you feel like hearing it live? “Love Is Only A Feeling”, always and forever. There are lots of others I love, obviously, some more, some less, but those change all the time. LIOAF still remains the one that makes me feel better, and even more live. I've heard it live those 3 times, and the first time I was completely mesmerised by Dan. The 2nd time us of the Italian fanclub made a choreography with confetti at the second verse, so I lost a bit of it, but the 3rd one... Wow. No words. I'm talking about the Darknesstival one.

Yes, let’s talk about the event. What was your favourite part of Darknesstival? At first sight, I would like to say the gig, because it was very, very good. Stunning. They played new songs, oh, loved the new songs. Loved everything about the gig. But no, I have to say it was meeting all my Darkling family because I met the guys again and I met lots of people. This is the most beautiful thing about Darknesstival, the Darklings.

  Emily, Laura, Sariah.

  Yousuf telling Dan about the birthday card

I know you made gifts for the guys. Were they surprised when you gave them these gifts? Yes, they were gladly surprised! They are always super cute! Maybe the one not surprised at all was Dan, because he already knew something by my "messengers" Laurie and Yousuf, we have also a photo of him (forever grateful mates). First I gave the birthday card to him and he started to open the gift like a baby on Christmas day, as he always does, so tenderly! It was from his Danlings all over the world, not only from me, and he liked it very much. [Interviewer’s note: Here’s the lovely birthday card.]

For Justin I had written a little letter about his song “Mighty Wings” and something like "please fly always high for us, because we love how you can do it". He started to read the note without really opening it, and asked me something about it, was so kind and nice!

At the same time I was giving my Xmas note to Frankie. He got our gift - and by "our" I mean that it was from his Cow Belles - from Chelsea, so I had written just a note to explain him how much I am grateful to him for his kindness and talent. I am so sad because I couldn't talk with him, the meet and greet was very short this time, and I needed to spend most of the time explaining the card to Dan.

Then, I was talking with Ru because the person with the gift was behind me. I told Ru that the gift for him was with another person and he said he knew. We laughed. The gift was ideated by @veroniqueorcel, a Christmas box with lots of Ru fans' letters. [Interviewer’s note: My letter was in that box as well. 😊]

I was leaving and I forgot to give my personal Bday/Xmas gift (the Hawk necklace) to Dan. The necklace made it to him with the help of someone in the staff, thank you whoever you are, for your help, support and kindness. He was asking without words from the people in front of him "from who?", my friends that were waiting their m&g time, told Dan to look out. He looked out the doors and saw me, so I said with hand gestures "the gift is by me" and in the same way he replied "OK, got it, thank you". I don’t know why, but I was sad on Monday, I was sure he doesn't like it. I have to trust him much more than I used to. I'm smiling saying this. I'll be forever grateful. [Interviewer’s note: You can see him wearing it here.]

  Cow Belles' gift to Frankie

  Veronique, Laura, Philippe, Harry

There were a few people complaining that there wasn't much to do at the convention. Did you feel bored or thought that there should've been more activities planned? Not one single minute, for me, to be bored!!! The convention was simply awesome. Complete, nice and warm like it was in a family house, you know. I wasn't bored at all, I talked all day with lots of people. Got my band's and Dan's tattoos (designed by Brooke), met my Darkling family and watched the guys come and go. (Laughs) I appreciated everything I saw, and from what I've seen, everything was good, relaxed, funny, friendly and has been greatly appreciated by fans.

If someone would ask me advice for the next festival, I could say only two things, that I'd like a bit more time with the guys and that I really missed something like a set list, a list with all the activities and the hour of the activities. (Well, maybe also a Karaoke with them, OMG what a dream!!)

Oh, and the soundcheck was amazing, we were very few people in front of the stage and enjoyed it not like rockstars and fans, but a big crew! Darklings made it amazing, and our fab four made it perfect. They were fooling around, you were talking with people and Justin would show up and Dan would say hello with his hands passing behind you. Where else you can find wonderful people like them?

  Chris and Laura

  Sariah, Laura, Chelsea, Stefania

You probably met many other Darklings during the day, tell us a little about that. Also, is there anyone you wanted to meet but didn't have the chance? Yes, truly, I met lots of people. They all are my Darkling family, it was simply awesome. I was completely moved most of the time because of them... This is what our guys of The Darkness can do, connect us all over the world.

The first who me and Stefania met, was Chelsea (from UK, and one of the fans in “Last Of Our Kind” video), she was completely genius, funny, fresh. I like her so much, we met at the bus station because she was so kind to come guide us, and she stayed with us all Saturday. Then I met Sariah (from USA) at the hotel, I shared my room with her, my sister from Danlings' Den, I love her so much. She's so funny, cute and very special to me.

Saturday night we had a meeting of the Danlings' Den, Dan Hawkins fans. There we met Laurie, the admin, who gave us the magic pen of the fanclub, and a lot of other Dan's fans. I was so proud, because most were men, and you know, some people at first sight think Danlings are mostly females who are crazy in love with him, but in real we all respect and love him for his work and his talent, as a musician and also as a producer. (...and well, yes, sometimes we females are a bit naughty, but it's his pretty face's fault!) (laughs) (damn, where's my mop?!)

On Sunday, the huge reunion: Italian Darkness Army and The Darkness Italia members, of course Stefania, my soul sister with who I made my trip and adventure, Nicola and his wife Chiara, Monica, Jack, Geraldine, Stefano and Sara. Love you all, Italian mates!! And from UK Lucia, Chris and her hubby, Harry, Bekki and her daughter, Richard, Yousuf, Scarlett, Emily and Fee. Philippe and his son from Belgium. From USA Scott and Geoff, and Laurie. Babs from Amsterdam. Penelope, with her mom, from France. I'm sorry, I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, too much adrenaline that day, I remember their faces but not their names, I'm so sorry!!!

I met again also a very special person, Veronique, and finally got to stay with her in person more than few minutes, as for last Queen+Adam Lambert gig. She is one of the most genuine, cute, clever person I know, really brilliant. And funny! I love her, how couldn't I?!

I am truly glad to met again the awesome Judit. She's a sweetheart. This is why I am so glad for the convention, because Darklings are the convention. I missed to meet someone of the staff, I really wanted to meet to say thank you in person, but they were working, so I can understand, obviously! The time will come.

Moving on to the show portion of the day, they played longer than usual. What did you think of the extended set? Did you like the new songs? I loved the new songs! “Solid Gold” is simply brilliant!! Loved the ultrariffs style and the extended chorus by Dan, loved the massive bass line by Frank, loved the magical voice and the stunning onstage presence of Jus, loved the energy of drums, man, that Ru is terrifying! Well, okay, loved everything! Seriously, for me it's been the best gig ever. Not only for the new songs, but also for the "unplayed or rarely played songs", loved it! Loved “Bareback” and “Dinner Lady Arms”, “Knockers”, and the odd version of “I Love You 5 Times”, played on bass by Dan and on guitar by Frank, OMG!!! I was like Alice in wonderland. (Laughs) [Interviewer’s note: A video of “I Love You 5 Times” from the soundcheck.]

You threw your bra on stage. Where did that idea came from? Would you do it again? Yes, oops my fault! I wasn't wearing it, by the way! (Laughs) Well, the idea came from talking on the phone with my friend Monica few days before the festival. We wanted to organise something special and funny, and it was hilarious, because in the inside on the left we had written "Merry Christmas from Laura and Monica" and on the right "......bite our cookies!!!" And when Jus was close enough I threw it to him! He took it, read it, and wore it... Monica was ready with the camera and took a little video!! We're still dying thinking of it, so.... Yes, we'd love to do it again!!! [Interviewer’s note: Here’s a little video of Justin wearing the bra.]

Like I mentioned, they played longer than usual. Was that enough or did you want them to play even longer? To me it was more than enough, as time and as quality, damn they all played amazingly. Terrific gig!! I could feel their hearts and their souls, especially my baby monster (Dan) was awesome. I can say more about him because I was exactly in front of him, and because he stole all my attention, as always. I was like mesmerised watching his hands playing. Only one other guitarist makes me feel like this, it's Brian May. By the way, he also played the songs we're used to hear live, like LIOAF, with something special, like he was drawing a fabulous arabesque. Like I said, for me it was enough. You know, obviously never enough of them really, but you have to think of their tiredness. They are our heroes, but they are humans too! (laughs)

  Laura, Sariah, Laurie, Fee, Toby and his dad.

  Darknesstival merch and Frankie's book signed by him

The setlist was still Permission To Land heavy. Do you ever tire of hearing those songs? No. I'm not tired, but I would like to hear more new ones, and by new I mean also Hot Cakes and Last Of Our Kind ones

You had the VIP ticket, right? What was the afterparty like? Yes, I am such a lucky person, I had my family and my Darkling family to help me, so I got the Super VIP ticket. I'll be forever grateful to Stefania (the admin of The Darkness Italia) and my parents.

Afterparty was in the pub upstairs, completely informal and friendly, as you can see from the pics. The band came after a bit and they started to talk with the fans. Ru came to sit in the table behind mine, so I could ask him for a photo together, he's adorable, and recognised me by name and country, I was so shocked and honoured!!!

Again with my friend Monica, we planned a joke for the guys, but because they were separated at the party we chose Justin as the victim. She took 4 red papillons, put them in a red and white box, like Santa's clothes, and in the notes, from IDA and TDI, we wrote thanks and wishes and "please, for the next Xmas video, we would watch the four of you wear only these...." Justin was funny, tried to seem shy and in awe, but at least laughed with us, and accepted to take a pic with the Italian fanclub.

About Frank, I asked him if he would like to sign my copy of his book (...book that Chris gave me at the convention as Xmas gift, love you darling) He was something like a bit moved, and dedicated me wonderful words.

Dan seemed really busy, so I tried to catch him in a good moment. Failing. (Laughs) Anyway, I asked him to please sign my copy of the birthday card, he was very kind to do it, but was also in a hurry, so I tried to leave him free. Surprising me, he came back to say "Ciao bella!" (Hello beauty, in my language) I was completely shocked, he saw my face and started to laugh. And then he came to hug me and kiss my cheeks for the 3rd time in a day. #lifegoal (Laughs badly)

*Images courtesy of Laura Beccari and many other Darklings all over the world. We have permission to share them here, but please don’t repost them anywhere else.

[amiramorozova]

Dual Summoner x The Darkling pt. 47

Glossary: Moye Serdtse - My heart, Sol Koroleva - Sun Queen

After that party, we had time to prepare and things were getting down to the next fete. Aleksander had a meeting with Ivan as I just sat there listening. He wanted to have Alina open the next tunnel instead of me once we found her amplifier which didn't bother me. Still, after these meetings, he walked over offering his hand to me.

"I remember saying we'd go for a horse ride, Moye Serdtse." Aleksander said as I took his hand with a nod as he led me out of there. I was glad he didn't have to leave yet but I knew it was coming that we'd be separated again before the winter fete so I took the time to enjoy what was going on right now. 

As we made it to the horse stable I was unsure but two people brought out two horses as he handed me the reins of one. I took it as I smiled while we walked out and I noticed he didn't have his kefta on. "You don't have your kefta." I said as I got up on the horse that was ready and watched him get on his horse. "I don't need it where we're going." Aleksander said 

I smiled at his words knowing that was true, as long as we were together it wasn't bad. No one dared attack the general of the 2nd army. I was putting my faith in this as I sighed looking forward. Once we started having the horse go in a gallop with him leading I watched the surrounding area. It was peaceful and that was what I liked most about this place. While we were heading to our destination though I noticed a fire and stopped.

"Aleksander." I said as he stopped and looked at what had my attention. "A fire, should we head back and get a few tidemakers?" Aleksander asked as I questioned it too. "Could we..take care of it together?" I asked as he stared at me. I was a tidemaker and Sun summoner, if people were going to start respecting me as both this was my opportunity to show them their Sol Koroleva was more than a sun queen. 

Aleksander seemed hesitant but I knew why, people didn't know he was a walking amplifier. We didn't announce it and I knew we were connected. Without a second thought, I headed for the fire and felt that he followed as I got down. I saw people were shocked to see me as I approached putting my hands together as I used my tidemaker abilities to get rid of the fire. I felt the stags amplified power helping me as I watched it but I still struggled. 

Am I not enough? I thought 

I was worried about this as I felt a hand on my shoulder and that already amplified power got a bit stronger as I saw the fire get extinguished. I put my hands down as I smiled, then I looked up seeing Aleksander. People would just assume he was there for comfort for me, that there was nothing more to it. The villagers who were approaching stopped as they bowed. I didn't like it, my smile faded knowing this wasn't what I wanted. 

"Please, don't." I said as Aleksander just stood there and they looked up at me. "Sankta Amira, is truly a blessing from the saints." Some of them said. I knew there was no way of talking them out of this but I knew there was so much more to go on. I wanted them to appreciate both sides of me and this was the risk of doing so. "I am just a Grisha with a Dual gift from the saints." I said as I put my hand out to help one of them to their feet as they took it. 

It was then that the girl who'd taken my hand, she'd gotten on the ground but she noticed my ring. "Sankta Amira has married, such a blessing." The woman said as she noticed my kefta, the darkling symbol over my heart on the kefta and she showed respect. "May the Saints bless your union." 

The Dual Saint and the starless saint, how ironic. I thought 

"Thank you." I said as I talked with the people for a bit before we went back on our horse ride. "You truly have a way with people, do you truly not wish to rule them?" Aleksander asked as I looked at him then looked forward. "I don't like the idea of people bowing to me. I want to be able to talk with them and not be bowed to them." I said as he slowed his horse so I followed while we were out. "Grisha needs new opportunities." Aleksander reminded me as I knew that was true. "People want the fold destroyed and we are deceiving them." I reminded him

You knew this, you know I won't kill the volcra. But maybe that would be what might put them to peace. I thought 

We went to a few places and I was happy during our time outside the little palace. Still, it was getting dark so we had to return to the little palace and I was hesitant on going back but knew it wasn't going to do any good. As we kept going there was a lot on my mind but we were in this together so that was always there. 

"Do you think Alina's amplifier will be found?" Aleksander asked and I looked at him before thinking about it. "I think the moose will be. It just might take some time." I said but then I thought about his past. "Aleksander." I said as I noticed him looking at me and I looked him in the eyes. "If..If your first love was still alive, do you think we would still be where we are?" I asked, for the first time I saw him stop and I stopped looking at him wondering if I'd crossed the line. He seemed in thought but also in pain at the memory of her but he looked at me. "Yes, I believe we would."

After he answered we went to the little palace and things were back to normal. Meetings and things were happening, we had the time he could make for us and then as I figured. He was called away for a week before the Winter Fete. He took my hand kissing it as he looked at me. "We will be traveling soon, so hopefully Alina gets stronger soon." Aleksander said as I looked at him. "Can I go with you?" I asked knowing he took me that time after my presentation but not since. 

Aleksander kissed me as I kissed him back "I wish you could, but I need you here. I need you to help her so she can make the tunnel this time and you don't have to hold this burden coming." Aleksander said against my lips. I looked at him knowing what that meant, he was going to attempt it. He was going to kill the first General and possibly west Ravkans as well and he didn't want their blood on my hands.

Wouldn't it partly still be on my hands with you holding the stag bone in your hand? I thought 

"Hopefully you come back soon." I said as he was seeming to hesitate to leave. I knew we'd grown very close since our wedding day but duty still called. He was General of the 2nd army and I couldn't change that no matter what. When he had to leave I felt sad but I knew this was best. 

As I watched his carriage leave, I knew this was almost best that it kept our relationship on better terms. It wasn't easy but I knew that sometimes if he stayed too close it may become unhealthy for me to want to be at his side every moment. I soon closed my eyes as a tear fell and wiped it down before I walked to the hall where my family was. Dad was there and saw me as he seemed worried. 

"Is everything ok?" Father asked, I nod but knew that I might have to sneak Alina out if the moose was found. I knew what Aleksander was plotting and I knew I needed my dad. "There's a moose, it's going to be found but I need you to..take everyone home. I'll meet you there after the fete." I said as my father walked over to me looking serious. "You snuck out the last time at the last winter fete, you don't think he might be prepared?" Father asked as I nodded. "I don't have a choice. I need to do this for Alina." I said 

Father understood and I knew I had power here but that was going to wait as father soon left with everyone. It would be different than last time because I was going to be getting Alina out, I was going to let her find this moose with whoever the tracker was that finds it. Aleksander didn't want the moose but if I left he would follow me to the ends of the earth. 

We'll have to do this again. I thought 

I slightly wished that those people who were there when I escaped last year would show up and little did I know they would be. Still, I kept everything under control and got things done. David from the materialeki asked what I wanted my kefta dress to be and I answered that it should be black with my design and symbolize the Dual Summoner. He asked what Alina should have and I looked at him.

"Blue, sun summoner design." I said as he bowed before leaving. 

Time went by as I was planning, the day of the winter fete arrived and I was not happy about any of this. Alina had improved but this was getting ridiculous that we had to make performances for the nobles. We are people too, The Grisha are people who had small science powers but still. Every year performing seemed tedious to me now that I was something more. 

I tried to relax looking over his map and the picture of the first army General. I heard the doors open and footsteps as I sighed a bit. I figured it was Feydor coming to give an update from Ivan, but that thought went away when I felt arms around me. "You seem tense, Moye Serdtse." Aleksander said in my ear. Turning around I claimed his lips in a kiss as he picked me up and placed me on the end of the table where the map was not kissing me back. 

"Welcome back, Aleksander." I said as he looked at me, our connection was clear he could just tell I was in a bad mood. I didn't want to talk about it but he kissed my forehead. "I don't like the performance for the winter fete either, and if you're going to run off again to help find another amplifier. I am going to track you down like last time and we will go through this whole thing before heading back to the skiff." Aleksander said 

My eyes widened knowing he was ahead of me, he knew my plan before I'd even said more than two words. It was true I planned to sneak Alina out but he sighed. "How did you.." I started but he just looked at me. "Our connection is getting stronger, guessing your moves has become easier." Aleksander said 

You have gotten that far. I thought 

There was a knock and when we both looked it was Feydor with a few Materialeki bringing in boxes for the fete. "Your keftas for you and your wife." Feydor said as he left with them. Aleksander looked at me for a minute before walking over to check what they'd brought. I got off the table walking over to see what they made. All the other Grisha were always excited as I took my Kefta dress and went to get ready then walked out. 

"What do you think?" I asked as I knew his approval was always appreciated as he took in the kefta dress. It was not to my liking, these keftas were getting to be too much for me but I had tolerated them all this time. Aleksander walked over as he pulled me to him once again claiming my lips in a kiss. "you look ravishing, Amira." Aleksander said as his words made me blush.

"The Queen hired another circus to amuse everyone, would you like to go out there?" Aleksander asked as I smiled and nodded. He walked over to where we kept my cloak and he picked it up before walking back putting it around me. Then he led me out as we went to check it out, it was different this time. People recognized me and he insisted my hands were kept in the cloak since the royals didn't know. 

At some point, I stopped to look at something and we got separated but that was where I had to figure out how to find him. I kept walking till I walked into someone and when I looked I saw it was one of the people from last time. "Jesper." I said remembering his name and looked around before looking at him again. 

"Hello Amira, I see you returned to the little palace after your escape. How did your Solo mission go?" Jesper asked, I knew this man had assisted with my escape last time but Aleksander was around here somewhere. "Partially failed, I made it to my parents but I failed to kill the amplifier. Guess I'm a big softie." I said as he laughed a bit but looked around and I followed his look seeing Inej. 

"You three are on another mission? what is it?" I asked as he looked at me, I was the prize they let go. "Jewels, gold, hiding from people?", " I asked as he cleared his voice. "We heard there's another sun summoner. Though there's still a hefty price on your head." Jesper said as I shrugged a bit. 

I was gonna say more when I had to turn around and he walked away as Aleksander found me. "You shouldn't run off." Aleksander said as I walked with him and showed him what it was. "You were distracted by this plush in the shape of an animal?" Aleksander asked as I sighed, "Maybe I wouldn't feel lonely if I had a pet to be with me when you're not here." I said 

Jesper, Inej, and Kaz are here, they are after Alina. I can use this to my advantage. I thought 

As we soon attended the winter fete after Genya took to tending to my makeup for the night and hair since I now had two hair things I needed to prepare for what was to come. As usual, the fete did not disappoint but it was what I expected. All the Grisha had to do something so when it was my turn Aleksander led me up on stage as I used the sun in one hand and water in the other and tried my best to make my routine different from last year. In the end, people loved it regardless cause I didn't need mirrors to help me. I knew I could introduce her as I smiled. 

"Tonight, we have a special performance for you. I'd like to welcome her up here on the mantle with Alina Starkov." I said as everyone applauded while she walked over. We'd worked on a joint routine and at first, we had our lights swirl together before I let mine go and she used hers to hit mirrors while everyone was surprised. 

I smiled at her performance, but then I noticed Aleksander was looking at her. I suddenly felt very envious and bothered by this as I led Alina away. I couldn't be around Aleksander at that moment as I sighed. "Are you ok Amira?" Alina asked as I nodded. We kept walking and I had to get something from his war room as I walked in seeing two men.

"Who are you?" I asked as Alina walked over "Mal." Alina said as she went over hugging him and I watched as he hugged her back. The other soldier left as he looked at me, seeing the general's color on me. "Is she your friend?" Mal asked Alina who nodded but looked at her wrist and gasped. Mal looked as he noticed whatever it was "Are those my initials?" Mal asked as Alina looked at me. I walked over to see the MO on her wrist. "Yes, I believe so." I said 

I started to gather with a bag as I knew there was not a lot of time, Aleksander had already angered me and I needed to find this moose for Alina. "You're the tracker who found the moose?" I asked as Mal nodded. "Then we need to get moving." I said as Alina was confused. I walked over to an area as Baghra was in on my plan knocking on the area just as I stepped back when it opened.

"Come Amira, you don't have long." Baghra said as we went through and I knew exactly where I was going. Alina followed behind and I figured that the crows were already working on getting out again. "Marie, Nadia and Nico?" I asked Baghra as we walked, "awaiting you, they've asked the trio to help." Baghra said as I nod

We had a change of clothes as I walked behind the wall getting out of my kefta for the fete and walked out in my regular black kefta and clothes underneath. I looked at Alina as Baghra gave her different clothes as she went to change and then came out. "This plan is risky, Amira." Baghra said and I looked at her. "I know, he's already aware I'm going to do this." I said as Alina was shocked but I looked at her. "We have a short opening." I told her 

Leaving through the tunnel we didn't have long as we made it and snuck into the carriage as it started to move. This time it wasn't as obvious so we were able to get away and we waited as it traveled. I fell asleep in the carriage which wasn't hard to do but as I dreamed, it was in that dream I saw Aleksander. 

"You can't run, Amira. There is nowhere you can go that I can't find you." Aleksander said as I turned from him in the dream. "I am not running, I am doing this for us or maybe I am doing this for her." I said as I felt him pull me to him in the dream. "Her or us?" Aleksander asked as I looked at him, I remembered my anger and how angry I was. "Why were you staring at her?! I thought it was supposed to be you and me no matter what!" I yelled at him as he was speechless. I got free as I started to wake up "Don't come in my dreams unless you have an answer!" I told him

I woke up when we stopped and I got out first seeing the crows, I was glad to get away but I also wanted to cry. "Hello Amira." Inej said as I was glad to see her and I nodded. We had a talk, as far as they knew they didn't know where I was going. I told them there would be a skiff and they'd want to be on it. Alina got out "You know these three?" Alina asked as I nod, "they kinda helped me out last time." 

When we separated from them it took time but we were able to get to the woods, Nico was the one to notice. "What happened?" Nico said as I looked at him and looked up at the sky. "Nothing." I said as he laughed a bit. "Nothing? Yeah, right. You get mad and you make decisions without thinking fully. So, what happened?" Nico said as I just shrugged

Now we find the moose and after that the fate of west ravka I guess. I thought 

Marie and Nadia walked over when we found a place to camp out, Baghra had funded our leave again as we sat there. "Why are you upset?" Nadia asked as I looked at her and sighed. "He was looking at Alina with her powers." I said, Marie, put a hand on my shoulder. "It was Alina's first performance so maybe he was surprised." Marie said 

I shrugged not wanting to talk about it but after a couple of days we went on to keep going. Mal led as I knew this wasn't for me but if Alina couldn't do it then we had to figure out another plan. Days went by and I looked at my wrist seeing it bare as I traced his initials to feel better. It was all I could do to not run back to the little palace. When we camped out in the woods was when it was time.

I decided against it and traveled to my family's house with Marie and Nadia as we stayed there. Nico decided to help Mal and I wouldn't stop him, still, I laid in my bed waiting for their return. My mood was just neutral for a bit as I sighed. Getting a bath felt good though as I smiled till there was a knock on my family's house door. Looking at my wrist, I saw his initials vibrant so I knew he'd found me. 

wasn't hiding. I thought 

When I got out and dressed as I walked out I saw him there, but instead of running to him, I walked to my room. I heard him coming after me as he had my wrist. "Amira, wait." Aleksander said as I looked back. He pulled me to him as his hand went on my cheek and his thumb gently grazed over the skin. "I was just surprised." Aleksander said, "It's not the same as you, it never will be the same." 

I believed him as I pulled him to me and kissed him, though I heard the door open and we both looked seeing Alina, Mal, and Nico. "Well you two made up." Nico said as he walked over and went to wash off. Alina showed the amplifier but she looked like I had when I hesitated to kill the stag. She'd done it but that was where it ended on everything.

"Alina, the nobles will need to return home soon. Maybe, you could assist on the next skiff." Aleksander said as he looked at me "Right, Amira?" I knew his plan but I had to keep quiet. "Right, show them you can do what I can." I said to her as she just seemed hesitant but nodded.