#sometimes i think about replaying the last of us and then i remember the big scary dudes....

[justhereforthemeta]

Crowley and the Fall: Looking where the furniture isn't

Furfur, 1941: "We were in the same legion. Just before the fall. Doing dubious battle on the plains of Heaven. Remember?"

Crowley: "I remember going into battle. I don't remember being there with you."

Um... does Crowley's professed memory track with what we know about his fall? Setting aside for a moment that he doesn't remember Furfur - I mean, who just casually *saunters* into battle, really? In theory, it sounds like Crowley must have, but that's not what his "I remember going into battle" sounds like. It's been said before, but something about the circumstances of Crowley's fall (what little we know of it, at least) doesn't smell right. What we know is:

First, Crowley asked questions.

These questions antagonized the Metatron.

At some point, having gotten no satisfactory answers, Crowley began "sauntering vaguely downward," hanging out with the wrong crowd out of...boredom? Boredom with making nebulae? Nahhh. "Food hadn't been that good lately" (ahem, angels don't eat) sounds a lot like a euphemism for not enjoying the things you used to enjoy anymore. Ennui, maybe depression. Comes of your work feeling pointless, when you think you've been contributing to something big and meaningful that turns out to just be fancy wallpaper, something that was always meant to get torn down eventually anyway (ugh, Crowley, you and I should go get a whiskey after work sometime).

Eventually, that "wrong crowd" becomes a legion marching into battle on the plains of heaven.

Lucifer's side loses, and Crowley finds himself "suddenly doing a million lightyear freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulphur." Funny that whilst talking to no one but himself in the bar in season 1, Crowley characterizes his Fall as "sudden" with no mention of a precipitating rebellion or battle at all. Either way, it seems like there'd be a lot of distance for him to cover to get from "I'm feeling profoundly disappointed; what once sustained me has lost its flavor" to "I'm going to violently overthrow the system and put these other guys in charge." Especially for the one demon we know of who still appeals directly to God.

Anyway, that half-baked word casserole is my basis for theorizing that Crowley did ask questions, but he never violently rebelled. "Going into battle" is the sort of thing one does with some conviction, not in an attitude of casual, sauntering disaffection. And even if he was hanging out with the wrong crowd, Crowley has never been a mindless follower: he'd be just as likely to question and critique Lucifer/Satan as the Almighty Herself. If Crowley did fight in the war (big if, if you ask me), I suspect it was on the side of Heaven. Then at some point his memory was tampered with to make him forget which side he'd been on. The fog of war and all that...

One last thought on this topic: Saraquael. She claims to have worked with Crowley on the horsehead nebula; moments later, we see on heavenly instant replay that she was the angel tapping at their phone to look for Gabriel's memory so that it could be wiped. Was her question actually meant to test Crowley, to see how much he'd managed to remember?

Saraquael, only angel to recognize Metatron when he strolls into the bookshop - are you the one who performed the wipe of Crowley's memory on Metatron's behalf?

I haven't learned yet how to get good screenshots, but if you can, hit pause on Crowley's face just before the electrical sounds go off in heaven after Aziraphale has blown up his halo. He's turned around from the screens to look directly at Saraquael in this shot. His eyebrows are raised and we can see his narrowed eyes clearly through his sunglasses. He KNOWS.

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

꧁༺ 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓼 ༻꧂

Listen, I know I have like 8008 wips right now but we don’t need to talk about that. What we do need to talk about is Janny angst, and I’m here to supply in the form of Jake confessing to Danny at a Halloween party and Danny not knowing how to respond. Hope you enjoy!

Pairings: Jake Kiszka X Danny Wagner *slasher

Warnings and tags: 18+ only! Please consider all of my work to not be suitable for minors at this point, unrequited love, angst, Halloween party, brief mentions of sexual activity (Sam and OC), drinking, making decisions while under the influence, sharing a bed, literally one singular kiss

Word count: 2.7k

I’m sorry Jake, but I don’t think I can like you that way.

His response rattled around in his head for the rest of the evening while the rest of the party raged on around him. Why did he say that of all things? Honestly, it was the best excuse he could think of on the spot.

Jake had just caught him off guard. Didn’t corner him or anything, didn’t speak in a way that made Danny feel like this was actually a big deal or not. Danny couldn’t help but keep replaying the interaction over in his mind, thinking of ways he could have responded differently. It got to the point he couldn’t even decipher which memory was real anymore or which was just a scenario hoping for a better outcome.

It had been nearly three hours ago. Danny was the first one to arrive, having brought over some last minute things Sam had text him to pick up on his way. Jake answered the door, quickly offering to take some of the many shopping bags Danny held in his hands and brought them along to the kitchen.

“Where’s Sam?” Danny asked immediately, not thinking anything of it.

Jake’s brows furrowed for only a second, or had they? Danny wasn’t exactly sure now that he tried to recall each detail.

“He went to go pick up Cheyanne” Jake answered as he started to dig into the bags.

“So he expects us to just set up his own party for him?” Danny scoffed, and he did remember the way Jake cracked a smile. Jake always smiled when he said something snarky or witty.

It wasn’t long after they finished setting everything out. They were just waiting around for more people to show up, or Sam and his girlfriend to make it back. Danny was on his phone leaning against the island in the kitchen when Jake slowly approached and placed his hands on top of the granite across from him.

He knew Jake didn’t just come outright and say it, but how the conversation started exactly alluded him now. First Jake asked him if he’d been seeing anyone interesting lately, and Danny simply answered no without looking up from his phone. How could he when the band kept him so busy? He was surprised Josh and Sam found the time to date, but then again even though they put a lot of effort into it the band just didn’t mean the same thing to them as it did him and Jake. Even when they weren’t rehearsing they were constantly messaging each other, sending back and forth clips of chords they were working on together.

When Jake finally worked up the courage to ask him, Danny thought for a moment that he couldn’t be serious.

“Would you want to hang out sometime? Go, I don’t know, see a movie or something?”

“Sure,” Danny finally locked his phone and stuffed it back into his pocket. “I thought you didn’t like movie theaters though?”

Jake might have blushed at that point, his fingers idly poking at the flakes of quartz sealed into the countertop. “I mean, that’s usually where you go when asking someone out on a date, so”.

“Oh”. Danny stood up straight, blinking a few times as he watched Jake for any sort of indication that he was just joking. It was hard to take him seriously when he was standing there in his Halloween costume, dressed as a pirate with the flowy blouse exposing the chains that adorned his chest, and a bandana tied around his freshly trimmed shoulder length waves still a little damp from the shower. Danny felt silly himself when he left his house in his cowboy get up, almost forgetting his hat in the passenger seat of his car because he didn’t want to wear it in the grocery store.

“Can we talk about this later?” That was one of the responses he could have given, but he knew that would have only made Jake’s anxiety spike. He chose to ask him now, who knows how long he had already been waiting?

He watched as a few different expressions flashed across Jake’s features before finally settling on something Danny was unable to read. “Is it Sam?”

“What?” Danny questioned a little defensively. “Sam is with Chey”.

“I know he is” Jake quickly continued, “but just knowing someone is off limits doesn’t stop you from feeling certain ways”.

Danny got his double meaning. Jake must’ve known there was a lot riding on this, but he chose to ask anyway. It made Danny’s heart pound even now as he thought back on it. If it were him in Jake’s shoes, he didn’t know if he would have been able to do it.

Jake finally accepted his answer and they awkwardly agreed that this didn’t need to change anything between them, they could just go back to being close friends, band mates, until Sam and Josh bound through the front door.

The party only got more and more loud and unruly as more and more people showed up, crowding every room on the ground floor of the townhouse. Danny stood idly by in the living room, having been abandoned in his conversation with Sam as he made out with his girlfriend on the couch.

He sighed and left for the kitchen to make another drink, not really feeling the party after the whirlwind of emotions from earlier. Jake had made himself scarce, no doubt hiding out on the back patio where it had to be quieter. Going to find him drifted through his mind, but he figured that probably wasn’t the best solution to his boredom considering the way they’d left things. If only there was a way he could go back and say something else. Anything else.

The statement wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. Danny didn’t know if he could like Jake that way because he had never thought about it before. Now though, now that he knew how Jake felt it sparked a tingling inside him. Like the time when he played his first successful copy riff on the guitar, or when he was asked to join the band.

When he returned to the living room, Jake had emerged. His was the first presence Danny caught from across the room despite his small size. Jake quickly shifted his gaze to avoid eye contact, but he continued to smile softly as he listened to the person in front of him talking.

Danny wanted to make his way across, past the couch with the happy couple still on it, and join in on the conversation but instead he kept his distance. Continuously he found himself looking back in Jake’s direction though, who didn’t once glance his way again. Or if he did sneak a peak Danny didn’t notice, but that seemed unlikely considering the amount of times he had his eyes on the other man.

Finally after midnight the house started to clear out and the familiar quiet of Sam’s place returned. With the living room at least a little picked up Danny decided to call it a night and climbed the stairs to retrieve his change in clothes and toothbrush from Sam’s room, but inches away from the door he heard what was inside. Soft moans, the repetitive squeaking of a mattress in motion.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” Danny whispered with a groan, leaning his head back against the far fall and staring at the door in frustration.

Seconds later, the door to the upstairs bathroom creaked open and out stepped Jake in his pajamas with rings of smeared eyeliner still clinging to his waterline.

“Hey” Danny waved, trying not to scare him.

Jake jumped anyway, having expected everyone to have gone home by now.

“What ar-”

Danny cut him off with a finger to his lips, then pointed at Sam’s door. “My things are in there”.

Still clutching his chest, Jake’s eyes darted over, then he heard it too. “Oh”.

His voice came out in a matching hushed tone now. “Were you supposed to be crashing here?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to sleep on the couch downstairs. Would’ve liked to change and brush my teeth first though”. Danny’s tongue ran across the face of his teeth, feeling the sugary coating of all the mixed drinks he’d consumed throughout the night sticking to their surface. He pushed off the wall and started to walk towards Jake who instinctively backed away. “Guess I’ll just find some mouthwash in the bathroom or something”.

Jake stepped aside and allowed him to pass, their shoulders bumping slightly in the narrow hallway. After swishing with a nearly empty bottle of Listerine and washing his face with some cool water from the sink, Danny shut off the light to the bathroom and gave up on trying to retrieve any of his items from Sam’s room. For a brief moment he debated on just trying to go home, but he had definitely had a few too many ‘beverages’ as Josh liked to call it to believe it was safe. He snuck his way back down the hallway, trying not to disturb any of the rooms’ occupants, but when he reached the top of the stairs he heard a door creaking open.

“Danny” a voice carried through the dark. It wasn’t Sam, he usually preferred to use his full name for whatever reason.

Danny turned to see Jake standing in the hallway again, waiting until he had his attention to disappear back into his room again only to pop back out with a stack of clothes. “These should work for the night”.

“Thanks” Danny graciously took the shirt and pants, examining them in his hands, they certainly looked comfier than his silly western jeans and button up.

“I’m sorry, the couch downstairs is really uncomfortable” Jake folded one of his arms across his chest, his hand gripping just above his elbow.

Danny thought back on how Sam and his girlfriend had spent most of the night making out there before deciding to take it further in the bedroom. He shuddered at the thought of trying to stretch out in the same place, that paired with all the other thoughts he already had racing around up there meant it was likely to be a long night. “Yeah, I don’t really expect to get much sleep”.

He could tell Jake was running through scenarios in his own head now, internally trying to calculate what his next move would be, until finally he spoke again. “You don’t have to, I wouldn’t be hurt at all if you said no, but if you wanted, I mean I have a king size bed so…”. His words came out in a stumbling slur, like every which way he had thought of asking jumbled together into one hardly coherent sentence.

“Umm” Danny gathered enough to understand what it was Jake was offering, and usually he wouldn’t think anything of sharing a bed with a friend, but after earlier he stopped to consider how that might translate.

“It doesn’t have to be weird or anything” Jake added, “I’ll stay on one side. I have an extra blanket. Just don’t want to see you suffering down there”.

It warmed Danny’s heart to see how much Jake cared, even with the reveal of his hidden feelings, Jake was always a generous person. He liked caring for people, and Danny trusted that this was just another example of how Jake always looked out after him.

“Yeah, alright, guess it would be nice to actually get some sleep”.

Jake nodded and Danny followed him into his room. He hadn’t been staying with Sam for long, ever since Josh and his partner got serious and he offered to move out so they could have a bit more privacy. For now he was living in Sam’s spare bedroom because it didn’t make sense to sign a lease anywhere right before they were about to go on another long stint of touring.

Danny looked around, even with the short amount of time he’d been here the space already felt unique to him. Guitars were scattered about, some on stands and some just propped up against the wall or dresser. He watched as Jake made his way back to his side of the bed, the covers pulled back like he’d been waiting to hear Danny emerge from the bathroom, and then he realized he still needed to change.

Jake picked up the book he’d turned over on the page he was at and stuffed his bookmark inside before setting it on his nightstand and clicking the small lamp off. He crawled back into bed but looked up to see Danny frozen in place staring down at the clothes in his arms.

Oh god. He doesn’t feel comfortable around me anymore. Jake beat himself up, not exactly regretting trying to make his move, but still worried Danny might act differently around him now, and not in a good way. Trying to pretend like he didn’t notice Danny’s hesitance, Jake shifted down into a lying position, tucking his hand underneath his head and closing his eyes to try and feign sleep.

After a few minutes and the quiet rustling of clothing, the bed beside him dipped and he felt Danny lay down next to him.

It wasn’t the first time they had shared a bed, more than likely wouldn’t be close to the last either. Certainly, it also wasn’t the first time Jake felt his heart fluttering at the thought of how close Danny was, yet still so far away.

Time passed slowly, Jake could feel the seconds ticking on with each thump against his chest. He squeezed his eyes closed tighter, trying to resist the urge to open them and check to see if Danny was still awake too. His answer came in the form of a warm hand sliding across the sheets, stopping just a mere centimeter from where his head rested on his pillow.

Jake dared a look, and when he did he was met with the overwhelming sight of Danny’s radiant irises. Greens bursting from brown in a way that captivated anyone who got close enough to witness their magic first hand. And captivated Jake was.

“Danny I-” Jake attempted to correct whatever it was that had settled between them. He couldn’t apologize for his feelings, but he could at least attempt to explain himself in a way that Danny might understand.

That was all cut short though, because Danny’s hand reached further, coming to rest on Jake’s cheek. Danny inched closer in the bed, waiting a moment for any signs of reservations from Jake who was caught frozen in his touch.

Without another word muttered between them Danny leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was an odd feeling at first. He had never kissed another man before, not that he had anything against it. But kissing Jake? Even he was shocked at his actions.

Jake parted his lips slightly to let out a content exhale and slotted Danny's bottom lip between his own. He took command of the kiss, knowing full well that Danny was probably still feeling lingering effects from the alcohol. Should he have instigated a more intense kiss in return? The answer was definitely not, but Jake feared this might be his only chance to feel what it was like to have his feelings reciprocated, so he greedily took all he could get.

In an instant Jake stole Danny’s breath, and in the same aching heartbeat Danny pulled away.

They laid there in silence, staring at each other through the dark as they both searched each other’s eyes for the answers to their unspoken questions.

Even if those answers were to remain shrouded in the darkness of this bedroom, they would always share this moment. Jake clung on to that sentiment as he closed his eyes again, forcing his breathing to steady out and for sleep to pull him under.

“Good night Jake” Danny whispered in the end, leaving it to fate to decide whether or not Jake heard him.

Tags: @scarletvanfleet @kultavalo

[kkatastrophic]

big ramble

Thh spoilers ahead <3

Replaying thh for some reason (up to chapter 3 yuck) and oh my days I think that (very arguably) the worst scene in the franchise is the "time machine scene" when makoto goes to the physics lab and asks about the air purifier. God this scene pisses me off so much, because of monokuma.

Kiyotaka clearly devastated about his friends death hasn't spoken a word this chapter (that's about 30 minutes so far depending on the speed of your playthrough) and Monokuma tells him that the purifier is a time machine.

Kiyotaka finally used a sprite other then the most terrible sprite in the whole franchise (the catatonic one) and it's him crying with desperation to use the time machine and save owada.

Monokuma says that the time machine can only go back a minute, making his hope shatter as fast as it was gained. Then the bear reveals that he was lying and that there was no such thing as a time machine and he just tricked Kiyotaka because it was "funny".

This scene genuinely upsets me in so many ways I could barely play through it because I knew what was coming in near future for Kiyotaka. He'd become Kiyondo. And then he'd die.

The time machine scene was the last splinter of true hope that he felt throughout his life as himself (minus the note to meet at 6am that got him murdered in the coming days). If Monokuma hadn't joked about the time machine Takas last hope would've been with Owada at the trial.

To Makotos credit, he says that Monokuma was cruel to do that to somebody who was already depressed, so maybe he isn't as bad as I remember him being. I might actually bring myself to like him as I replay the game with a fresh view.

This scene bugs me so so much because Kiyotaka was my favourite character for months, even before I got the game and watched playthroughs of the trials for context! He had so much potential and it was severely wasted in the third chapter. And I also relate to him quite deeply, he's extremely emotional and wants to bring the class together. He's trusting and sometimes socially oblivious to hints at times. He's such a fantastic character and I wish they did more with him.

The scene annoys me so much for no particular reason other then the fact that it was plain cruel! Kiyotaka was already crushed, why does he need more despair? Does Junko not have better things to do? Executions to plan?

Of course, I'm completely open to new opinions so if you do like makoto (or the time machine scene) I'd love for you to explain it to me!

[amidst-wonderland]

final fantasy 15 thoughts (replay)

just as a psa, spoilers of course but also this is not in chronological order, not by a long shot as these are thoughts / feelings i’ve been holding onto for almost ten years. (also, i’ll add to this once i’ve finished dawn of the future.)

this is easily the most tense, creepy and downright freighting final fantasy game. say what you will about chapter thirteen but they really know how to build momentum in such an eery way in gralea (you can literally find the clothes of npc’s you’ve encountered like dino’s, in other words they’ve been taken and turned into daemons by the niffs). also, arguably the most bittersweet ending. as, pretty much everyone dies. everyone in kingsglaive, apart from libertus dies.

i used to think ray chase went a bit over the top in the early game in-terms of acting but upon revisit, he absolutely smashes it. that section as the boys look over insomnia is heart-wrenching. final fantasy to me has always been a bit wishy-washy in-terms of voice acting. characters were passable but the voice direction is a little messy at best and sometimes downright flat (which some of the terrible sound mixing doesn’t help) but when it comes to modern final fantasy games? they’re incredible and i couldn’t go back. ray, cody and ben were perfect in their roles (i low-key think cody got snubbed at TGA’s this year but maybe it’s just one actor per game).

on this scene though, i remember there being discourse about iris phoning noctis first, over gladio but it makes total sense to me. gladiolus’ role as the shield is to take a bullet for the king, if noctis is dead according to the press then how do you think that happened? we quite literally see it played out with their fathers.

fifteen’s soundtrack will always be my favourite overall, seven is up there too with ‘seven seconds till the end’, ‘one last date’, ‘tifa’s theme’ and ‘on our way’ but taking the entire soundtrack into account i’d have to say fifteen is just perfect, it’s one of the few things at launch that simply couldn’t be critiqued. also, considering it’s yoko shimomura ‘scala ad caelum’ from kh3 sounds like it could be ripped right from endgame ffxv. its sounds like a more darker version of ‘somnus ultima’. like ‘true love’ is basically luna’s theme + ‘somnus’ as one. ‘home sweet home’, ‘lightless journey’ and ‘dewdrops at dawn’ are perfect in every way (can you tell i like a good piano and violin number? also, if you like ffxv, go listen to professor layton’s, ‘london streets 3’)

speaking of kh3, i have zero interest in anything but the versus thirteen stuff and whilst i don’t know if i’ll play it. i am seated for kh4 to see where nomura’s magnum opus goes, if anything i just want more of yoko’s ‘not, not ffxv’ music.

i truly wish there was more of the kings as they are without a doubt my favourite aspect in the lore with them obviously being this game’s version of ‘knights of the round’ and they way they wove this into an arthurian-inspired story. like, they basically beat you over the head that the ‘sword of the father’ is excalibur. yeah, we don’t have the physical summon but that’s not to say we can’t summon them, which we technically do as noctis is summoning their weapons and the way they’re depicted impaling noct and killing ardyn is basically how their actual summon is.

i’ve been writing this whilst waiting for my game to fully upload, so i only had a the option to play a new game with no royal additions yesterday and now that’s it’s downloaded, my almost two-hundered hour save file is gone, so looks like i really will be replaying this because i don’t have playstation plus. like cheers sony telling me i’ve got 187 hours in a game to only show me three saves that were created less than a day ago.

apparently there were cut lines of the npc’s mentioning what happened with the glaive. which is so disappointing because the kingsglaive themselves are such a big deal but i always felt this weird disconnect between the film and the game outside of regis and luna, like there’s not even a moment of iris and gladio talking about how their father was killed, like do they even learn how regis died?! if i’m right in thinking, the only reference to kingsglaive is when ignis mentions nyx putting on the ring, but we don’t ever learn of them hearing about it. pretty sure noctis would have some choice words, he doesn’t even mention ravus doing the same. also, luna was supposed to join the party with a bahamut summon?! which is kinda weird, because to me bahamut is as much the bad guy in the story as ardyn, somnus and nifflheim. if we wanna compare, it’s basically sephiroth, jenova and hojo.

i don’t hate kingsglaive i was just disappointed. the main thing the game got right was my main grievance with kingsglaive. these are comrades, friends brought together to fight for a city not technically their own and we never get to see how their relationships fall apart. we never see luche grappling with that fact he murdered crowe, especially when he comes across pretty ambivalent to the treaty, a close friend of hers and comes back to save nyx! you don’t properly understand why crowe was specifically chosen unless you get ‘big-brain’ about it. they also could’ve done much better with the foreshadowing and as much as i like nyx and his hero-complex is basically the only arc that works, i don’t think he should’ve won. luna has the ring, insomnia was destined to fall (as much as the kings pretend it won’t) and instead of ravus, considering what ardyn is putting them through emotionally in chapter thirteen, glauca should’ve been fought by the party or better yet, have glauca be fought just before facing ardyn in the throne room.

also, i saw a theory nyx was turned into the daemon that you eventually fight to get his weapons but his body literally turns to dust so…

again, with the glaive (sorry, i will get to the game itself!) the lack of foreshadowing and contradiction with luche bothers me so much, he wrote the damn treason letter. the glaive don’t need to know his intensions but the audience should! we don’t get to see their relationships outside of nyx. the only way i can justify luche coming back to save nyx, other than the recapture of luna is maybe a part of him still wanted to get his friend on board with the cause, but the way he goes about shooting him completely lacks any familiarity. drautos had crowe killed because he thought she was the one person that would turn nyx against regis. it worked on libertus and luche was enough of a suck-up to do it himself.

the cut content thing it’s just so ‘ugh’ like the main things i wanted was an explorable insomnia (as noctis) and gralea (cause it was inspired by the uk, which is certainly loaded) and noctis’ jpn va confirmed that the boys were present during insomnia’s fall and that would’ve been so fucking cool (and the perfect opportunity to give us one actual noctis and luna scene, like a fleeting moment of them promising to reunite that wasn’t as children). knowing that, i don’t even think that’s what kingsglaive was intentionally about because nyx came into the picture when they couldn’t use noctis, so chances are the film was supposed to be about the boys sneaking out of the invasion, which makes a hell of a lot more sense as the set-up of a game which ‘opens’ on them finally out of the capital. also, as great at the scene is, regis knows exactly who the “imperial chancellor” is.

i will never forgive square for having ignis be stuck with that jedward quiff, like give me yummy hair-down ignis!

cor’s apologising for not being there to save regis, just reminded me that he’s weirdly absent from the film and of all characters in the game, he should’ve had relevance

i beat one of the niff bases severely under levelled. i was a level thirty-two, the recommended is fourty-seven with two level fifty-two bosses, after two previous waves. got my ass handed to me the first time but, think think smarter not harder and the second time wiped the floor with them because thank go for the turret as a i really wanted to boost my level early.

wally west you cannot escape my ears, not even as a niff.

call me a purist, but i don’t think you should be able to access verse two in chapter thirteen until you’ve beaten the game. you miss out on an insanely key moment playing as gladio, like the whole damn reason for this journey, luna, nyx and regis’ death’s and insomnia’s fall were collateral for noctis to put on the ring and i know people complained there was no reason, but there was. players and noctis were too comfortable with the party and their weapon load-out. ardyn forces noctis and the players to put on that ring and prove himself that he and he alone is the true king. also, noctis taking on his own legacy but also his father’s which reads to me that even throughout all of this, regis will always be there when his son needs him most. you get none of that as gladio.

comrades “ending” actively contradicts the ending of the game, like noct leaves the rock alone but in comrades a group of glaives go to retrieve him.

work with me here but i think crowe should’ve been an insomnia native. like, to say, look what the king would do to his own people.

i remember the qte being a lot shorter my first time, so i’m assuming you get as many of the royal arms as you have collected pre-ardyn. which i think i got ten? including the five you get during the story. (i’m still bitter about my save disappearance because i worked damn hard to collect all the royal arms, cause fuck costlemark tower).

i know it’s the in-game lighting but noctis’ final cgi scene shouldn’t be as bright as it is before he brings back the light.

originally (baring in mind, i played base-base ffxv, like no updates whatsoever) considered ardyn being related to noct to be really lazy purely because they didn’t properly explain it until after you get sucked into the crystal and even then i wasn’t fully convinced until we got the gentiana update and episode ardyn.

i need to know the track that plays when noctis gets oracle’s trident, like after the cosmology one.

i’ve mentioned this before but if you know seven and get ‘big brained’ about fifteen’s plot then you can potentially have the caelum’s legacy spoiled by the time gang head to cape caem. you get the blade of the mystic whilst fighting the archaean and again, like i said, if you haven’t properly looked at that thing and know seven then ya probably should. to the game’s credit, you don’t get a proper look at the sword until episode ardyn and by that point you vaguely know what somnus did, or you’re about to find out.

i find it hilarious that the guy who voices wyv, also voices bahamut.

the way the game treats iris is rancid, she is fifteen-years-old square! i don’t care if she’s got a crush on noct, but don’t force me as him to play along it’s gross. also, luna being four years older that noctis is kinda janky too, especially when so much of their romance is shown as children. he’s like nine and she’s thirteen if i’m right in thinking.

not noct having more chemistry with sarah.

visually, endgame cgi noctis and kingsglaive luna? damn that is one hot couple. they look too anime-fied in their final scene but i would’ve killed to see her kingsglaive rendition and older!noctis in its cgi glory.

aranea alludes to the fact that the emperor couldn’t go near the crystal and that ardyn was the only one who could (and that’s why ardyn insisted on being brought to insomnia because it wouldn’t have shifted without him) when you’re in tenebrae which should’ve set off alarms bells.

i don’t personally think luna was fated to die, at least not as soon as she did and had there been no imperial involvement her and noct’s journey likely wouldn’t have begun as early as it did (both she and noctis were clearly unprepared, noct more-so). to me, ardyn’s fate and personal vendetta merged in the killing of luna. to toy with noctis, push him over the edge but also taking his anger with aera (and somnus) out on luna and above all ending the remaining liability in the one cause he has control over. noct is the one true king who can end him, but that still means the caelum line could live on, even without noct. so what do? ensure the caelum line dies with luna. let’s face it, had ardyn not stepped in luna would’ve been free to join the gang and who’s to say she doesn’t end up with a caelum sprog? taking out the caelum line is ardyn’s one solstice.

i was gonna do the regalia side missions but then i remembered the glitched out sewer that gave me motion sickness.

noctis and luna are like really distant relatives, right?

on the previous comment of seven, like noctis and luna is just a shittier re-telling of cloud and aerith, even down to specifics.

noctis dies a fucking virgin, oh my god take this game off me.

the english localisation changing the “i love you” to the ‘#nohomo’ version still pisses me off. yes square, this man loves these men who are basically his brothers.

ardyn’s hatred of noctis probably isn’t helped by the fact he’s the spitting image of somnus and bahamut (which is obviously intentional because bahamut has a severe case of main character syndrome).

not being able to preview regalia colours before purchase is annoying as fuck.

the arena can suck my big, fat, hairy baws.

there’s a lot of great lines in this game but the delivery of prompto’s “son of a bitch!” will never not amuse me. though, in strong runners up are “off my chair jester, the king sits there.” or ardyn’s “is he dead?”

[ackjiuu]

Seventeen jeonghan x wonwoo This Man / Last Night lore

Absolutely adore story type MVs and I'm so glad seventeen released an actual story for This Man unlike Bittersweet like goddamit I hate the Bittersweet promotions zero music shows zero dance practice zero anything at all until that ONE singular concert like are u fucking with me...

Also I'm soooSOSOSOSOS glad wonwoo is one of my biases (woozi🔛🔝) cause I get to enjoy these kinda story type MVs that I fucking love with my BIAS in it TWICE and the only 2 ever story type MVs seventeen (or any of the members) have and god bless my other bias jeonghan is in this one😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏

And and and I think it's quite fun how in this lore it's kinda bitter x sweet too!!!!!!!! I'll explain it downstairs but anyways wonwoo is still bitter but this time sweet is jeonghan

Anyways since I was really invested in the story I "read" the audiobook and watched some lore explaining video that I'll link but this is a MV "analysis"/"explanation" of which parts of the MV corresponds to the part of the audiobook cause I fucking love the lore of it and i think it would've been a good novel

This obviously is a spoiler for anyone who wants to watch the audiobook on their own so just a spoiler warning

Also also sorry I'm a bit stupid and I really don't get the connotations of most MVs and lyrics (there's a reason I always fail my English comprehension) must be cause I have to use my brain too much to do work or I'm just plain idiot but yes I like having shit told to my face I just can't understand it despite years of living a life surrounded by "arts" like I was in dance, band and I draw sometimes but yea I'm art stupid there's a reason I'm in engineering and not art I still love art but I'm just stupid when it comes to hidden meanings so sorry if I get anything wrong or forget some stuff

Just making this for anyone who is too lazy to watch the whole audiobook cause honestly that's me and I JUST watched it and loved it but really it's kinda boring and not my favourite mode of reading, I prefer reading novels or ao3 type of shit ykyk

Before I start I probably won't post anything like this ever again I'm a boom boom era carat but this account just isn't gonna be for seventeen yea I just don't wanna create a whole new account to post for ONE time about seventeen

Lore videos↓↓

It'll be in order as shown in the MV...

Sand is actually not wonwoos ability, the sand represents the fake dream beings aka the other people in the dream besides the dreamer (aka everyone that's not the dreamer). So if I'm not wrong JH pulls people into dreams and has the ability to make them dream happy things (bitterSWEET) so when these happy dream moments are destroyed it turns to sand

Look at this creep watching people sleep/j

I can't remember which one it is but in the audiobook it says JH makes people sleep to "get energy" to recreate A (I'm not fwu it's really called A it's that sheet ghost thingy) OR he makes them sleep to sustain his dream world where he continuously replays the happiest moment of his life with A (actually I'm not sure about the recreating A maybe I just interpreted it wrong)

The MV explanation video mentions that "gate closed" is because the sleeping people can't get out of the sweet dreams JH trapped them in(?)

But making these people sleep for too long without eating or drinking will make them die obviously

On the packet it says TRUE Lemonade according to that lore video (so big brained honestly how tf did I not connect the dots) wonwoo drinks LEMONade because when life gives you lemons make what? Lemonade. Yea smart so genius actually

So apparently wonwoo can also go into dreams or not I forgor? He likes the hustle and bustle of the city and likes visiting people's dreams and if he meets people who can't sleep he helps them fall into a dreamless slumber

And This Man rumours began to spread because people online say that when they can't sleep somehow sometimes they would magically fall asleep and sleep like a log and wake up not remembering how they drift to Dreamland but they sometimes find a lemonade packet

This should be the scene where wonwoo hears people talking about This Man that lets people dream sweet dreams and he asks to see what they are talking about and he sees a picture of himself staring back at him (because he IS the This Man) iirc there are two This Man rumours going around and one is This Man let's you sleep without dreaming and the other This Man let's you dream sweet dreams and obviously both look different so in another scene in the audiobook ww hears some people talk about another this man and sees a completely different face (JH)

This is JHs Dreamland where he covers things in a white sheet because he can't remember how they look like anymore (is this a hint that he's an immortal or a long lived species? Is he an elf?? Just a theory not cannon)

Lights are turning off because JH is bringing more and more people into an eternal sweet dream, so less people awake = lesser lights on

This is the happiest day of JHs life where he drinks soup with A

Jh can't remember how A looks like anymore but he can remember their eyes so in the audiobook the sheet actually has two eyeholes like 👻 legits

JH remembers that A said pepper in soup is like life you can't undo it (or something along the lines of that I can't remember BUT it is important so keep it in mind it'll reappear at the end)

White sheets covering more things, JH is forgetting things more and more...

Nox = night in Latin also = a girl from hit game path to nowhere by aisno

Anyways

Not sure what this convenience store has to do with the grand scheme of things but it does say in the audiobook that ww walks into a convenience store only to find everyone asleep on the floor

Ww wakes people up to reality (BITTERsweet) because they are the ones that keep the hustle and bustle of the city that he loves

WHAT THE FUCK I DIDN'T KNOW THIS SHITTY THING HAD AN IMAGE LIMIT NOOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 anyways this is part 1 I might come back and edit some things but I'll probably post a screenshot of this whole thing to twitter too

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Do you wanna hear what I think is my most unpopular PJO opinion? (don't get me wrong, I have some that would get me on lists, but this one is likely the one that would get the least traction):

Generally, demigods like quests.

(Insert booing noises here.)

Let me make my arguments:

We've all taken Annabeth's statement that campers train for the opportunity to fight monsters like the Minotaur to be a sign of how naive and headstrong she is. And... it is, but where did we get the impression that she was also the only one who thought like that?

Luke

Ironically enough, Luke's the biggest proof there is for my theory. Let's see how Luke talks about his quest.

Let’s just say I messed things up for everybody else. The last two years, ever since my trip to the Garden of the Hesperides went sour, Chiron hasn’t allowed any more quests.

Two things jump out here. While it's possible that "Chiron hasn't allowed any more quests" refers to putting his foot down and not allowing the gods to demand any, given Annabeth's attitude (and the likelihood of that holding much water with the gods), it's even more likely that it's the campers who aren't allowed to go. Luke certainly believes that he ruined things for the others by causing the ban.

Then, at the forest with Percy:

I trained, and trained, and trained. I never got to be a normal teenager, out there in the real world. Then they threw me one quest, and when I came back, it was like, ‘Okay, ride’s over. Have a nice life.’ “The heck with laurel wreaths,” Luke said. “I’m not going to end up like those dusty trophies in the Big House attic.”

Let me remind you that Luke is 19 here. There's no way Chiron and Mr. D could be holding him against his will at Camp the way they were, for example, with Annabeth and Percy at the beginning of the book. Annabeth also says that other counselors were in college, lending credence to the fact that, especially when they were older, they were free to come and go.

This is not Luke saying that he doesn't want to be stuck at camp. He's saying he doesn't want to end up on the shelf.

“You’re wrong. [Kronos] showed me that my talents are being wasted. You know what my quest was two years ago, Percy? My father, Hermes, wanted me to steal a golden apple from the Garden of the Hesperides and return it to Olympus. After all the training I’d done, that was the best he could think up.”

“Where’s the glory in repeating what others have done? All the gods know how to do is replay their past. My heart wasn’t in it. The dragon in the garden gave me this”—he pointed angrily at his scar—“and when I came back, all I got was pity.

His complaint with the quest? It was not "my dad used me as a tool" or "he put me in danger" — it was "the one he chose showed that I'm an afterthought to him". It was "he gave me no glory or recognition".

Also, "After all the training I’d done, that was the best he could think up"? Sounds a lot like quests weren't so much errand runs as rewards or shows of recognition by the gods.

But that's not the only interesting thing to happen in that conversation!

Percy

After a while Luke said, “You miss being on a quest?” “With monsters attacking me every three feet? Are you kidding?” Luke raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I miss it,” I admitted. “You?”

Mister "I never wanted to be a half-blood" himself! (Almost as if characters are meant to change throughout a story... huh.) And let's remember this is Luke he's talking to — the only person he revealed his prophecy to. He has a history of trusting him over anyone else. There's nothing in this scene that points to him being anything but honest.

Putting aside Percy's hero complex that will have him harassing the Oracle so it will give him a quest because he's unable to stand by the sideline as his friends are in danger, how other people have pointed out that Percy was the one to propose and sometimes even force himself into most of his quests — I never saw anyone mention his admission that he liked them, at least the first one. Now, of course, it's undeniable that he does eventually get tired of it, but... to what extent, really? In TLO, he says he's ready to kick back and enjoy himself, but that's in reference to the Great Prophecy. It doesn't have both capitalization and the word great in it for nothing.

Then in Staff of Hermes:

If he was delivering a message in person from the gods, it was bad news. If he wanted something from me, it was also bad news. But seeing as he’d just saved me from explaining myself to Annabeth, I was too relieved to care.

Sure, he doesn't want a quest, but it's still preferable to a difficult conversation with his girlfriend. It's only when they really start to pile up and interfere seriously with his normal life (by, say, making him miss most of a year) that he puts his foot down.

But his is ultimately an unusual case, because others aren't as affected by their own quests.

"Except for how they're risking their lives!" you say, but...

How dangerous are normal quests?

Because all signs point to Percy's being an outlier. For starters, as a powerful child of the Big Three, he attracts more monsters than your regular demigod, and that's without taking into account the gods who hate him for it.

Then there's the fact that Kronos's rise has stirred up monster activity

“I saw a lot out there in the world, Percy,” Luke said. “Didn’t you feel it — the darkness gathering, the monsters growing stronger? Didn’t you realize how useless it all is?"

As well as brought older, stronger monsters out of the woodwork.

"The stirring of monsters." Dr. Thorn smiled evilly. "The worst of them, the most powerful, are now waking. Monsters that have not been seen in thousands of years..."

Not to mention that most of Percy's quests that we've seen involved jumping straight into a scheme by an ancient, powerful titan by the moniker "the Crooked One".

Compare them to The Stolen Chariot. That was... fun, all in all. An afternoon visit to the zoo. Got him out of class early. What if that's the standard for a quest?

However, the biggest argument for quests being usually pretty simple is, once again, Luke. Let's go back to that first quote.

Let’s just say I messed things up for everybody else. The last two years, ever since my trip to the Garden of the Hesperides went sour, Chiron hasn’t allowed any more quests.

So, quests were more or less normal two years before TLT, before they were forbidden, like the chariot races, because it was judged unacceptably dangerous. So, it could be that Luke's was the last in a recent string of injuries (possible — he said himself that already the world was becoming "darker" by the time of his quest) and/or it was considered to be bad enough in itself to justify ending quests entirely. Whatever the explanation, for all the "yeah, we make a shroud whenever someone goes on a quest" rituals, Luke's injury had to have been grisly by their standards.

Like. Not to diminish it, but. It's a scar across the face. It doesn't even seem to have affected his eyesight.

Everything points to...

That your average camper, before Kronos, would have either volunteered or been selected by the gods (probably their parent) to go on quests as recognition of their skills and a chance to earn glory. OH, and don't forget a chance to be a hero. That's important. After all, you don't wanna end up in the Fields of Asphodel because your life was too boring, do you?

TL; DR: The attitude towards quests and even probably the experience surrounding them are much different than we treat them in fandom.

[alyimoss]

Yeah I'm also new to tumblr that's why I'm doing this (re: starlo dad ask a few days ago)

Also do you have starlo hcs

lmao welcome to tumblr

and yeah ig but theyre not rlly?? idk substantial?? its been a while since i was insane abt uty, ive been meaning to replay it but stuffs been getting in the way.

anyway heres a couple

i think hes a good cook. i like the thought of him teaching ceroba how to cook, too (she almost set the kitchen on fire, they yelled about it in fear, had a couple drinks, then almost set the kitchen on fire again and yelled abt it). he also is the one cooking for the rest of the feisty five more often than not (they others are mostly ok at cooking tho. ed's really good, but struggles sometimes bc his hands are too big to be able to properly use certain utensils and appliances. moray is also a pretty good cook and help ed out a lot. they make a great team. ace is alright, can definitely follow a recipe, and is really good abt finding ones the rest really like. mooch.. mooch wouldnt go hungry if she lived alone. but shes generally not allowed to cook. has a no-bake dessert everyone loves though, she makes it on holidays and special occasions and to bribe the others)

this isnt my hc but i dont remember who i first heard it from but i loooove the hc that star glows when hes flustered. i think when he first started crushing on ceroba and theyd have sleepovers, hed just start glowing at times and shed throw pillows at his face telling him to stop bc she couldnt sleep

on that note, consider the bunk bed in his room. him and orion definitely shared. and orion definitely dreaded ceroba sleeping over bc her and star would share a bed and stay up late joking around and playing and talking and whatnot and hed often have to get up and just leave to go sleep on the couch or with their parents. they got into arguments about this.

he runs warm. dont hold his hand unless you wanna get sweaty.

in the case of clover lives/dadlo, hes the last one to know that clover thinks of him as a father figure. everyone else knows, either through observation or clover accidentally calling him dad in front of them or them just admitting they think of him as their dad. star probably learns of this via ceroba or dina or one of the five or someone telling him "you know clover thinks of you as a father figure, right?" and he bluescreens about it

im not like. the biggest corn yaoi shipper ever, but i think its cute (and the name makes me laugh), and i think dalv confesses first. theyre in some fancy restaurant or something and star asks "so, what'd you call me here for?" and to that dalv responds by just blurting out that he thinks hes in love with him. and star immediately chokes on his food bad enough he needs medical attention.

so ceroba mentions in-game that living w the feisty five is a bit of a nightmare bc of the sleeping and the fact that everyone has some kinda problem that specifically makes it hard for her to fall asleep. i think star is actually pretty normal in terms of sleep. might snore lightly if hes in an uncomortable position, but overall just quiet. the rest of the five dont fare so well. ed's got it best, he just snores. loudly, but everyone other than ceroba is just kinda fine w it. moray grinds their teeth and needs to be restrained or theyll end up halfway across the room from where they fell asleep. or farther. ace sleepwalks and talks. ceroba once woke up to him eating the berries off the plant on the dresser by her bed. still asleep. mooch also grinds her teeth and "sleep steals", aka waits for everyone else to fall asleep so she can go through their stuff. star, despite being able to sleep through everything else, somehow has a 6th sense for her or something, because he very consistently wakes up to catch her red-handed and chew her out

thats all i rlly got lmao

[crushingcasanova]

1-50.

who is/are your comfort character(s)? I have a bunch, but Shiver from Splatoon 3 is a pretty big one! The other ones are kind of embarrassing so I’ll keep them to myself >_<

lighter or matches? Lighter!

do you leave the window open at night? I do not!

which cryptid being do you believe in? Nessie!

what color are your eyes? Brown

why did you do that? Do what? >_<

hair-ties or scrunchies? Hair ties for convenience but scrunchies are cute!

how many water bottles are in your room right now? None!

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee? Iced coffee is my favorite, so I guess cold!

would you slaughter the rich? Theoretically I suppose so? 

favorite extracurricular activity? Theater! 

what kind of day is it? It’s sunny and a good day! I have some fun plans so I’m excited! 

when was the last time you ate? Last night! 

do you love the smell of earth after it rains? Yes I do! 

are you a parent? (all answers qualify) I’m the parent of my plushies and nothing else! 

can you drive? Theoretically yes but I don’t have my license yet!

are you farsighted or nearsighted? I have an astigmatism but I’m nearsighted in one eye!

what hair products do you use? I don’t really use much except for normal shampoo and conditioner... sometimes I use a leave in conditioner when I go out! 

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? I would! They wouldn’t be amazingly done though. 

do you say soda or pop? Soda! 

something you’ve kept since childhood? A certain childhood plushie of mine!

what type of person are you? There are so many ways to answer this... I’m just a very loving but shy person, I guess! 

how do you feel about chilly weather? Good, if I have a sweater on!

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing? Hanging out and doodling together!

perfume/body spray or lotion? Perfume!

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times? Going to a musical with someone I love!

about how many hours of sleep did you get? About 9 hours? I think?

do you wear a mask? I mean, not often. 

how do you like your shower water? Hot! 

is there dishes in your room? Nope! I never eat in my room! 

what type of music keeps you grounded? Splatoon Music!

do you have a favorite towel? Nope!

the last adventure you’ve been on? Probably a little walk and meetup I had with my best friend to go see a friend of mine in a show!

is there a song you know every word to by heart? I have like 14... Vending Machine of Love is the first one that comes to mind!

what’s your timezone? EST

how many times have you changed your url? Just once! 

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years? My theater best friend! I’ve known her since I was 5!

a soap bar that smells good? Irish Spring!

do you use lip balm? Every once in a while!

did you have any snacks today? Nope! I haven’t eaten anything yet today! 

how do you take your coffee? Usually iced and with a lot of sugar and chocolate!

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site? Discord and Instagram, and youtube! 

what’s your take on spicy foods? I like them!

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it? I’d probably pick someone who’s just not a good person... like a dictator of some sort?

can you remember what happened yesterday? Yes!

favorite holiday film? Santa Clause! It’s not very good, but I love watching it ironically. Either that or, for one that I actually like, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation!

what was the last message you sent? “Marigold is listening to my commentary” since Sol is on call as I’m writing these!

when did you first try an alcohol beverage? Never! 

can you skip rocks? Nope!

can i tag you in random stuff? Yes please!

[doedipus]

Bomb rush is genuinely really good and I've had a lot of fun playing it, but in a lot of ways it feels like 2/3 of a game. Like the story is engaging, the overall presentation replicates a lot of what I like about games like twewy, and the movement and gameplay *mostly* feels really good (although I wish the air dash would behave more like a sonic homing attack sometimes).

But somehow it still feels a little undercooked?

Like I wish the characters were more differentiated. even just having them be obligate users of their default vehicles would've gone a long way there. And the vehicles themselves all work basically identically afaik, except for opening certain pathways, which I don't think was ever really explained, and isn't required often enough to really matter. I ended up using vinyl on skates for most of my playtime just because she looks cool and there was never really a reason to switch. I also really wish felix's refusal to use the boost packs had any gameplay relevance, when you unlock him he's just the same as everyone else.

The cops system in general feels half assed. Having some resistance is fine, but the implementation is mainly just a nuisance, and not really fun to engage with. Heat builds really inconsistently, sometimes you can tag most of an area before the cops show up, and other times every tag you do adds one level of heat no matter what. And since the second level is the turrets that make certain necessary jumps close to impossible, you end up spending a huge amount of playtime wandering aimlessly trying to remember where the bathrooms were.

Combat also feels really underdeveloped, against the mechs and turrets it works okay, but the random cops are really tanky and there isn't a ton of feedback from the game when you're fighting them about how much damage you're doing, and they respawn so fast that fighting them is a waste of time anyway.

If it were possible to just mod the heat system out entirely I probably would do that. Doing the regular platformer thing of just intentionally placing enemies in specific spots where they're key to progression instead of using a rockstar heat system would've been better

The last thing is that I think it could use some alternate game modes or generally more divergences from the sandbox gameplay loop. I feel like this is really where the price point becomes a factor- $40 is kind of a big ask for a game with this little going on structurally. I really wish the dream sequence stages were a bigger focus- they make great use of the generally excellent platforming and aesthetic sensibilities, but there's no way to replay them at all, they're just used as one and done setpieces instead of something you can replay over and over to master. there's also not a ton of variety in the challenges you're asked to do in each area, basically every npc only ever asks you to do score attack or go to a specific tag spot, neither of which really ask you to engage with the environment differently. the racing sections are very cool but also very short, used sparingly, and not repeatable. the main campaign is really cool and well-paced, but I feel like for this asking price there's gotta be some more extra shit going on to add replay value.

I guess in some ways I kind of saw a glimpse of a lot of stuff I really liked about the sonic adventure games as a kid, and part of me is disappointed that wasn't the direction BRCF wanted to go in at all. but I think there would've been something to be learned there in terms of extrapolating the same handful of environments into a bunch of decidedly unique gameplay modes. gimme a treasure hunting mode, no-boost felix challenges, dream stage replays, a fishing minigame and a chao garden and I'd be 100% satisfied

[harukirai]

Were you kidding when you said that Terra was supposed to have a girlfriend?

No, not exactly, idr cause the last time i fund any articles about ff6 was like 10 years ago now its hard to find stuff now, but my older cousin is a massive ff fan since childhood and he is the one i got most of my info from since whenever there was a new interview or ultimania or book he was the first one to update me even though in this instance it was ten years ago and even he couldnt find this interview anymore but yeah he also remember an interview with kitase about it.

Eiter way the team left it for the player interpetation since terra is one of the few ff protags with no official love interest. Also there was that one half flirt line to celes which set the fandom on fire for awhile back then(also it was a half joke thingy like the barret date wgich i have allot to say about but i dont wanna set the fandom on fire)

Also i think i forgot to mention in my original post but in the end i think she is aro ace/very demi.(in the final cut)

(also this whole controversy happened when the gba version was released cause i think the translation was a bit different from the snes version so it sparked the controversy but as you imagine this was a long ass time ago)

*i played it first on the gba era in english(one of the few ff i played first in english since i couldnt wait a half a year to get the japanese version, also on gba its harder to read kanji since mine wasnt backlit) and my older cousin (played the jp version on ps1&sf&gba- he was the one who got me into final fantasy) so i had a chat with him to confirm this memory and he said he also thought the game implied her being either lesbian or asexual.

Im in midst of replaying the older titles in honor of the pixel remaster(but i play the ps1 versions cause its prettier 👁️👄👁️)

So ill do an update sometime when ill finish(also idk if they re translated the pixel remasters or no so my posts will be faithful to the original)

Also sorry for my bad english i suck at expressing myself via writing in all languages.

But yeah ive sent my cousin on the quest to find this iterview in the deep japanese web so good luck to us😂(i have a very severe adhd so sorry if its all over the place i tried to be the clearest i can)

*edit also- speaking wise my japanese is good enough to play games, but i suck at kanji so if there is no furigana i need to use kanji apps/ dictionarys (im mixed and wasnt born in japan so all my language abilities are through family since i live in a country that theres not many japanese mixed/asian mixed at all)

So when ill get a new pc i would rework the posts again+ gather all the links& translations ( i really wanted to take screenshotsfrom the games and edit translations and do a big post but its still on the way since i cant make it work on my phone properly but yeah its in the works for a while now i was just pissed on the huge backlash 16 got bec it had a gay kiss(idk if online but in local jrpgs groups this shit was everywhere)

So i just took all the notes i was collecting for a while and posted it in a very low quality post but yeah it was a vent post to the void mostly😂

[hornedchick]

Here's a short thing I wrote based on a roleplay I used to do with a friend years ago. It might go on from here, it might not.

Moving On

The first two weeks, she barely left her apartment; truth be told, she barely left her bed. She got up to use the bathroom, or to find something to eat when her body protested that she’d been ignoring it too long, but otherwise, she just collapsed onto the bed and didn’t move. Sometimes the sorrow and anger she’d been bottling up got to be too much, and she cried until she felt weak and exhausted.

When she allowed herself to think about it, to remember for more than a few minutes, she could still feel the pain in the pit of her stomach, just like that first afternoon. It replayed like a video in her brain: she stepped off the ferry, climbed the steps to the house, and let herself in, as she had many times since their relationship had become serious. But this time… this time, the place was empty. The furnishings were still there, but there was no indication that anyone had been living there. All his personal effects were gone. She looked around all the rooms, beginning to panic, and it was clear from the fine layer of dust that he’d been gone for some time. 

The trip back home was a blur. She would not allow herself to cry in front of the ferry captain and his first mate; they were sorry, they wished they could help, but they didn’t know where he had gone. 

She kept going over their last time together in her mind, trying to figure out what might have happened. He had seemed happy, they had spent a pleasant weekend together… she couldn’t think of anything she had done or said that might have led to this. There had been no note, no phone call, no word of explanation at all. He was just gone.

When the initial pain finally lessened enough to let her begin to think of anything else, when she was finally sick and tired of crying, she started moving on in the simplest way possible, by packing away a few things. It was still painful, and the big cardboard box was sometimes marked by tears, but she made herself gather up all her mementos of him and toss them in. Anything he’d especially liked seeing her in also went into the box: that short black dress, the over-the-knee boots she’d saved up for, anything she couldn’t stand to look at again. She shoved the box to the back of her closet; out of sight, out of mind. The long flowy pink scarf was already gone, surrendered to the sea on the final ferry trip back, after she’d left a letter and her spare key in his mailbox. She didn’t know or care at this point if he’d ever see the letter.

When she felt strong enough, she spoke to her aunt, wanting to make provisions for renting the apartment in her absence. (Nonsense, her aunt insisted, you need a home to come back to. Take all the time you need. It’ll be fine.)

Finally, she prepared to travel. It was time to move on, leave the memories behind for a while, let them fade and die. She wove her long red hair into a braid and put on her favorite old jeans, the biker boots that had already withstood many years and many adventures, a black t-shirt she had stopped sleeping in when they had started dating. It was time to reclaim it. Last, she pulled on a leather jacket she had borrowed from her brother years ago; she always wore it when she needed to feel comforted and loved. She stuck a few essential items in the zippered pockets, then took the special key on its chain from her desk drawer.

It looked almost like a vintage skeleton key - but not quite. The design was unusual, seeming sometimes to change if you looked away for a moment. The chain was strong, very strong. She had made sure of that. She could feel the key’s slight warmth as she hung it around her neck, almost as if it was welcoming her back. 

It was time. She took one last look around, left her spare apartment key and a note for her aunt on the table, and stood facing the door. 

She lifted the key on its chain and closed her eyes, remembering all the worlds she had visited in the past. She needed somewhere quiet, somewhere she could go to escape this life for a while, to just exist. She whispered a word and touched the key to the door. It swung open, not into the hallway but into a meadow. A full moon shone in a deep blue sky, and the sound of waves came from somewhere in the distance. It was just as she remembered it. She stepped through the doorway and closed the door, and watched with a little smile as it disappeared. As always, she would find it again when she needed to. She took a deep breath of sea air and grass and started walking.

[chalterdh22]

Chapter 52: What Did You Decide?

After getting myself washed up, Din came walking in without Grogu.  “Hey,” I said softly.

“Hey.” He went and sat down in one of the chairs, and I did as well.  I leaned in to put a hand on his knee covered in beskar. 

“The Armorer came and visited me.  She told me she talked to you already.”  He nodded and looked up at me finally.  There was silence still, but I could feel such sadness and confusion from him.  I really felt bad.  I knew he didn’t like any of the decisions, and the roadblock was solely me.  That made me feel even worse.

I just sat and waited for him to say anything.  Right now, any reaction is better than none at all.  The silence was killing me!  I so wanted to break this uncomfortable moment with some kind of quip, jab, or joke, but I knew the timing wasn’t right.  I pulled my hand off his leg, crossed my arms, and leaned back in the chair, looking straight at him.

“What would you have me do?” He asked me.

“No, no, no!  I’m not making this decision Din!  This is your life!  You need to do what’s best for you and the kid!”  He then scooted his chair closer to me and put his hands on my leg. 

“I want all three of us.” 

“But….?”

“But I’m not so sure I’m ready to give up this life……”  He put his head down sighing.

“Can we talk, without your helmet, please?  I think we’ve earned the right to discuss this face to face.  No offense.”  He shook his head and removed his helmet, so I now could look into his dark brown eyes and see him, not who he has been made out to be.

“Thank you.”  He smiled softly and nodded.  “Look, you still need to make the decision on Grogu and what’s best for him too.  You have to think of him, not just us.  You are his father!  He will do what you want him too.”  He smirked at that last sentence.  “You know what I mean.  If you want to train him to be a Mandalorian, he will.  He you want to keep him back on Mandalore and train him to be something else, that’s what he’ll do.”

He was nodding the entire time, and didn’t take his eyes off of me, as if he was replaying each scenario in his head as I talked.

“What would you do if you were me?”

I chuckled and he looked confused.  “Sorry, that’s the same question I asked the Armorer.”

“What did she say?”  I repeated what she had told me, about the relationship she gave up for her clan, for her decision.  “That doesn’t help much.”

“No, but it made me understand her more.”  I sat quietly again.  “Maybe we let Grogu decide?  Do you think he’s mature enough?”

“Sometimes I think he’s well beyond his years.  Because of his extraordinary powers and understanding of the force.”  He paused and scratched his chin and grinned.  “Then, the little child comes out and I remember he’s nothing more than a toddler.”  I giggled at that thought.

“So, true.”  I agreed.  We just sat there and smiled at each other for a moment. 

“The big question for you, Suri, is do you want to live here?  Because if you don’t, I think we have our answer.”

“It would be safer here for all of us.  And I could still come and go.  But what would I be doing?  I know I won’t be a Mandalorian, so what would be the purpose?  And what do you want?  Do you want to give up bounty hunting, training the kid, that sort of adventure?  Or do you want a completely different type of adventure here?”

“Both sound good.  But I can’t have both.”  He leaned back in his chair and put his hands on his temples.  It’s still very new to me to see expressions in his face.  I always just looked at a blank helmet staring back at me.  I also got very good at reading his internal emotions and some of his thoughts, although I didn’t want to do that unless I had to.

“I know I want you in my life.  I want you more than a friend in my life.”  He leaned forward again in his chair, the features on his face had softened.  I forget sometimes that he is just a man underneath all that armor. 

“You do understand that you have two options then.  One, you keep working as a hunter and doing what you need to do for your clan, and I will remain here, but we won’t be together all the time.  Or, second, you give that up, have another purpose on Mandalore and we would be a family.”

“Either decision, you will remain here.  Is that what you really want?  I thought you wanted adventure, to travel, take risks…..” 

“I want you more than all those things!  And it’s not like we couldn’t ever do anything.  We’re not prisoners here.  This is where our home would be is all.”  He was smiling now.

“I don’t want you to remain here by yourself while I travel around and work.  That’s not fair to you.”  We were both silent for a minute or two.

“So, it sounds like you made your decision then…”

He stood up and lifted my arms up to stand with him.  Pulling me in closer to him, he said “I want to have a family with you.  I want to stay here and work with the apprentices, training the next generation.”

“Are you sure?”  I asked as he leaned in and kissed me softly.

“Yes.”  I couldn’t stop grinning and he picked me up in his arms to hug me and swung me in a circle before setting me down gently. 

“We need to go tell the Armorer!”  I turned to start putting shoes on.  “I need to find out what I can do around here, where we are going to live, what’s going to happen with Grogu!  Do you think he’ll be excited for us or upset?  What if he’s mad at our decision?  What if he wants to leave us?”  My brain now was going one hundred miles a minute.  He just stood there smiling at my crazy antics, shaking his head.

“Are you done?”

“Not even close!”  I walked back over to him and gave him another kiss.  “I’ll have to get used to seeing your expressions though.  Sometimes the helmet might be easier, but now you can choose whether you wear it or not.”

“Yeah, that’s going to get some getting used to.  There’s a small handful of people who have actually seen me.  The Armorer hasn’t even seen my face.”

“What if she does, and she sees how hideous it is and asks you to never remove it again?”  With a smirk on my face, taking a few steps back from him as he eyed me.

He didn’t say anything, just started to take a few steps towards me, grabbing me, pulling me into him and kissing my neck roughly with his scratchy facial hair making me laugh at how much it tickled me!  I pulled away quickly from him.

“Ok, ok!  Geesh.  I’d be more worried she take you away from me!”

“Yeah, ok.”  He reached to put his helmet back on as we walked out the door, hand in hand.  This in itself will be our next adventure.

[monsterwithasweater]

Monster Replays the Truthful Route: Part 4

Sorry for the delay, folks!

Warning: You know the deal. Digimon Survive spoilers under the cut.

While working on this part, the draft accidentally got deleted. So, I'm only gonna give a few of my thoughts on the beginning part, then skip right to the exploration part of the amusement park.

I think this game really hits us with the fact that the villains are not indispensable. As Piedmon says, if Arukenimon fails, there is sure to be another one to take her place. And if Piedmon doesn't already convince you in Part 4, just wait until he brutally murders her in Part 7.

Takuma and co. are understandably scared. Sure, Ryo might have survived, but are they really sure they can survive next time? Can they ever get out of this world. If so, can they get out of this world alive? We all know they do because this is the Truthful route, and nobody dies in the Truthful route, but at this point of the story, the Survive gang isn't so sure.

Takuma: Kaito, we have to stick together! You can't go off on your own!

Kaito: stfu

Dracmon: I agree with Takuma!

Kaito: Hmmm, if my little vampire gremlin agrees with you, then you must have a point.

Well, unless you choose the bad ending.

Kunemon (≧◡≦)

Finding Miu!

I really enjoy Ryo's dynamic with Minoru.

Patamon, Palmon, and Biyomon are so stupid! I love them!

BREAKING NEWS: Angry Mean Big Human Beats Up Guards!

The Queen: "Oh, brother. I've never been so embarrassed!"

Okay, that's all I'm gonna bother remembering. Let's get back to Finding Miu!

Dracmon: GRROOOAAARRR! I'm gonna eat you!

Falcomon: All of you... prepare to die!

I love Ryo's speech to Kunemon before he evolves to Flymon, so I'm just gonna share the screenshots of it (warning for poor quality, though).

While making this post, my phone died A-FUCKING-GAIN, so I lost a good chunk of it. Then, while trying to remember what the hell I typed down, I accidentally closed out of Tumblr. So if there are any weird skips, I apologize.

Kaito: I'm... I'm all she has. So I have to look out for her.

After playing the Harmony route, this line especially hits hard.

Something I just noticed: All of the servants names start with P (yeah, I know that in English it's Biyomon with a B, but they're also called Piyomon in Japan, so...).

Minoru: I'm saying if we stand around here talking for too long those pesky little things will-

Palmon: Looking for us?

They're in the four-shadow! Like the one they were talking about earlier!

OMGZORZ, can you believe that they made Goth TK an actual, CANON character in Digimon Survive?

A touching reunion, indeed. *wipes tear from eye*

If I'm being honest, I'd also be annoyed if my older brother crashed my throne room.

She looks so annoyed XD

Of course it's Ryo that says this.

Makes sense, given how MarineAngemon helped carry my first few playthroughs.

Kaito: I just worry about her, that's all.

Saki: Well, sometimes it can feel suffocating being on the other side of that.

This honestly makes me wonder about Saki's family. From what I can tell from her Prologue story, her parents (or at least her mother) seem to be massive worrywarts. Though given Saki's illness, it's understandable.

KAITO YOU IDIOT, STOP PUNCHING THE WALL!

It's the Old 'Mon himself!

I can understand why Minoru and Shuuji are suspicious of Jijimon. After all, the last time they found an adult they thought they could trust, she turned out to be a weird spider lady that wanted to sacrifice them.

But seriously, Jijimon is a sweetheart. <3

Ryo: This sucks. These guys are such bad news. I can't believe we're taking them on again.

Kunemon...

Ryo: Yeah, I know.

Ryo: I don't want Miu to have to go through what I experienced yesterday.

Kunemon: Kew!

Ryo: Heh! Yeah... you're right. We've just gotta do this!

Shuuji's affinity dialogue rubs me the wrong way. Though I guess that's because of the localization.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it here and now: Miu's more of a Digimon Kaiser-equivelent than the hypothetical Ken-equivelent ever will be.

Kaito, did you seriously punch GARURUMON!?

I love the pre-Shellmon scene as well. Unfortunately, I hit the photo limit, so I'm gonna have to copy the dialogue from scratch.

Miu: Oh no! Kaito!

Syakomon: So, you ARE worried about what happens to him?

Miu: Of course I am! He's my brother!

Miu: I just don't like him being overprotective, and I hate how he never gives me any space.

Miu: When he gets like that, it reminds me of... things I really don't want to remember.

Syakomon: And that's why you were so mean to him?

Miu: Yeah, but he's still my brother.

Miu: Only after I can't do anything...

[Insert Patamon and Biyomon getting their asses kicked by Garurumon here]

Miu: Oh no! They're all hurt again!

Miu: Syakomon, tell me, what should I do?

Miu: They're all fighting for me like I'm really their queen, but...

Miu: I haven't done anything for them!

Syakomon: Miu... what do you want to do?

Miu: I... I don't want to let anyone... To let my brother die...

Miu: I don't want to lose everyone after lying to them, or my brother after fighting with him!

Miu: I want to protect everyone else for a change!

Miu: Syakomon, please! Save Kaito!

Syakomon: Oh, I'm so happy you said that! Finally, you were able to be honest with how you feel.

Miu: Syakomon!?

Syakomon: I've been waiting this whole time for you to be honest with me.

Syakomon: Because when you wish for something with your whole heart, I can be as strong as you need!

Miu: What!? Syakomon, what's happening!?

Syakomon: Miu, I'm here to make your wishes come true! So for your sake, I'll grow strong!

Syakomon, evolve tooo...!

[Insert evolution into Shellmon here]

Easily one of my favorite scenes in the whole game.

Anyways, I evolved her straight to Azulongmon and oneshotted Garurumon.

I love the music that plays when the Survive gang learn that there's a way to go back to the Human World via the boundary.

Jijimon: Many times I have witnessed the strong bond between my friend and their human child.

Jijimon: Though it was long ago, and my memories have fades. Yet had that child been sacrificed...

Jijimon: My friend would not have fared well. Those who share such strong bonds share the same fate.

Jijimon: Yet my friend still lives. This in itself is proof that the child is alive somewhere.

The scene between Takuma, Agumon, Kaito and Dracmon is really sweet.

Dracmon: What's this? Kaito being open and honest about how he feels for once? No way!

Pffft XD

And that concludes Part 4. For how much of a pain in the ass this post was to make, I still really enjoyed this part (though that might be because it focuses on two of my favorite characters, Ryo and Miu). Miu learned her lesson, and boy, I sure learned mine...

[heimeldat]

You know what, I'm just going to answer all of these because I feel like it so there.

who is/are your comfort character(s)? Well obviously the Doctor.

lighter or matches? Matches

do you leave the window open at night? When I can, but it's so humid around here that's only a few days in spring and fall.

which cryptyd being do you believe in? eh nah, none of them

what color are your eyes? hazel

why did you do that? WRITING RESEARCH!

hair-ties or scrunchies? Neither, I keep my hair short

how many water bottles are in your room right now? Two

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee? Hot

would you slaughter the rich? Not unless I was actively defending myself/my loved ones. I'm too lawful-good for that.

favorite extracurricular activity? You mean when I was in school? Ballroom dance club!

what kind of day is it? Sleepy

when was the last time you ate? Like two hours ago

do you love the smell of earth after it rains? YESSSSS!

are you a parent? (all answers qualify) Well I have a stupid little dog and I sometimes call her my baby

can you drive? Yes. Wish I didn't have to, though.

are you farsighted or nearsighted? Nearsighted

what hair products do you use? A hairbrush.

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? Sure, want some fun designs? I'll paint little flowers or something! Or dragons! Or skulls! Or whatever.

do you say soda or pop? Soda

something you’ve kept since childhood? A very battered plush polar bear.

what type of person are you? Uh...that's really vague.

how do you feel about chilly weather? I get to wear tall boots and an outrageously long scarf and a big flowy coat and a dramatic hat!!!!!

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing? Chatting, drinking tea, looking at the stars.

perfume/body spray or lotion? Unscented lotion.

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times? Lol it's hard to think of one I HAVEN'T replayed multiple times. Anxiety and ADHD make for lots of mental scenario-playing.

about how many hours of sleep did you get? Eight or nine.

do you wear a mask? Yeah, when I'm in a big group or a crowded area. I've gotten lax about doing it when I'm in a smaller group.

how do you like your shower water? Hot and steamy! With a few drops of peppermint essential oil in a bowl to make peppermint steam!

are there dishes in your room? A few. Thanks for the reminder, I should take them to the kitchen.

what type of music keeps you grounded? classical instrumental stuff, especially cello.

do you have a favorite towel? Nope

the last adventure you’ve been on? Isn't everything an adventure?

is there a song you know every word to by heart? Lots of songs. Is that not normal? I guess congregational hymn-singing promotes memorization of lyrics.

what’s your timezone? Central USA

how many times have you changed your url? Don't think I have

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years? Best friend/roommate, might as well be a sibling at this point.

a soap bar that smells good? This handmade mint-scented goat's milk soap a friend gave me

do you use lip balm? Occasionally

did you have any snacks today? Nope

how do you take your coffee? two thirds cold brew, one third milk, sugar optional

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site? Audible, Big Finish, Discord

what’s your take on spicy foods? No thank you

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it? Someone who's widely known to have committed tons of atrocities but can't be touched by the law for whatever reason.

can you remember what happened yesterday? Of course. Not all the details, but in general, yeah.

favorite holiday film? I don't really watch holiday films...

what was the last message you sent? "She doesn't have an online shop, but she has pictures and she'll ship things"

when did you first try an alcohol beverage? On my 21st birthday. Wait hang on, does communion count? It's just one sip of wine, and it's always nasty cheap red, so I never counted that.

can you skip rocks? Sort of, not very well

can i tag you in random stuff? Sure!

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[dragonmickie]

my favorite thing in video games (and by that i mean the last of us and minecraft) is when they let you have a bow and arrows when theres like more efficient weapons. idk why its just fun to shoot pointy sticks at bitches

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"