#sometimes i feel like the fandom latches onto background characters way too much

[we-are-inevitable]

(i think my asks are working now! yay! idk what happened with them tho jskdjskdj)

I hope I'm not overstepping here, but......I think its a common thing, feeling like an imposter in fandom. there are a lot of opinions and people and thoughts and chaos in any fandom, so I understand how you might feel isolated or like you're intruding (I know that I've definitely felt that way before, and tbh I still do in the newsies fandom for quite a few reasons that we don't need to go into rn.) I don't know if you're wanting advice or not, and if you aren't, feel free to ignore the advice im gonna give here. i like to think of myself as a friend, and I'm here whenever you need me, no matter what <3

if you ARE wanting advice though, here's mine: fandom is supposed to be an inclusive space. everyone is welcome to create, and share, and enjoy common interests, no matter what parts of the media they've seen or haven't seen. I've only seen 92sies once, a really long time ago, and I dont remember any of the characters that weren't in livesies, and hell I can't even remember the background newsies! its a miracle if I can remember the delancey brothers first names, and I only know the names of like. 3 or 4 newsies that aren't """main characters."""" I know that words probably don't help much, but just.....I want you to know that I wouldn't even be in the newsies fandom if it weren't for your writing and how welcoming and kind you are. its ok to feel the way you're feeling, but I just want you to know that you're not the only one who's feeling that way. fandom is a space for everyone, so you're not any less worthy of creating and sharing things than anyone else is <3

lizzie. lizzie lizzie lizzie. i answered your other asks before this one because this one made me cry

you have NO idea how much i needed to hear that. recently ive been so,, nervous about my content- for no good reason, really- so hearing this? this was a relief

idk it's just ,, hard to know where i stand in the fandom because basically the only people i write about are: jack, davey, katherine, sarah, crutchie, spot, race, albert, and medda. i'm not emotionally attached to anyone else, and i'm not going to write about them, because i don't know them. and honestly? i don't really think i need to.

one of the things that shocked me the most about joining this fandom is the intense attachment to background characters with little to no lines, bc i've never really seen that in a fandom space before? it kind of shocked me at first because i felt like i HAD to write for these characters or else i'd be like ,, kicked out of the fandom. i felt bad when i didn't write spromeo or blush. i felt bad when i didn't include jojo or finch in my fics. i felt bad when the only thing from 92sies that i included in my writing was Sarah Jacobs. i felt bad when i didn't give the delancey brothers a redemption arc (because honestly? i hate them so much and they don't really deserve one.)

i think i'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that no one really cares whether i do it or not, because at the end of the day it's *my* writing, but sometimes it can be overwhelming.

but, for real, thank you SO much for this. i love you sm and you're such a great person!! literally your asks are some of the best, and i love love LOVE interacting with you !! (side note: i still have your small town au ask about les and jack shenanigans !! im gonna get to it eventually bc omg i love it sm)

thank you for this !! and if you ever need anything, im here !!!

[self-loving-vampire]

Hey I see you've been getting into visual novels lately and I just thought that I would really recommend Tsukihime because I think you would really be able to relate to the character of Akiha

I relate more to Kohaku but admit I have a couple of things in common with her as well. Notably:

Upper-class background plus holding the position of heir within that background.

She has long black hair. Always very aesthetic.

She had an awful father who was constantly at the mercy of his emotional outbursts.

She tries to be better than the family she grew up with.

She has those frequent chronic pain episodes.

She can be kind of arrogant sometimes.

However, there are still some very major things that make me unable to actually relate to her much.

For one, she is a very angry, harsh, and strict person as a core aspect of her character. In contrast, I just don't experience that.

While she hates her father for what he did to Kohaku and challenged him over it, she seems to simply accept the way he treated his biological children specifically. I am far more critical of authoritarian parenting.

Not just that, she seems to retain many of the same reactionary attitudes he held as opposed to rebelling against them like I did.

In general she makes a bit too much of an effort to appear respectable and high-status, while I am openly weird and shamelessly autistic.

She is a tsundere and not very honest about her feelings in general. I am much more straightforwardly affectionate and signal it explicitly.

As part of her family's extreme conservatism, she's very opposed to modern technology while I see it as some of the most inspiring and hopeful stuff humans employ.

She has that "no sex girlboss" energy that the fandom has latched onto while I could describe myself as a "professional bed slave" instead.

This is more minor but I was the firstborn in my family and didn't really have the support any kind of older sibling (though it would have been really nice to have someone capable around who could have helped me out with my anti-family plan). All I had was the inspiration from distant people.

She's a hardcore alcoholic despite her otherwise prim and proper attitude. I just don't see the appeal of that.

So yeah, there's some similarities for sure but my personality is very different. The difference in aggression levels is really the most notable thing but far from the only one.

Anyway, thanks for the message. It's a lot of fun to get stuff about Tsukihime!

[decepti-thots]

so as a natural consequence of working on "sometimes the sun shines" ch2 i have been re-reading a lot of the CD/RW stuff from both pre- and immediately-post Overlord to try and get a refresher on both characters, and especially Chromedome because the next chapter is from his PoV.

and it's really reiterated to me that I think CD has a very odd character arc compared to almost all full-fledged arcs in the comic, and honestly compared to a lot of similar serialized narratives. not in a bad way, I really like CD's canon arc and it fascinates me! but looking it over has made it a lot clearer to me why i think CD is a character a lot of people in fandom have, over the years, understandably found slippery and difficult and often very hard to latch onto as "relatable".

prior to Rewind's death during the Overlord incident, those two characters function as a unit on a narrative level really strongly. i've described them before as being almost like satellite characters for each other at the same time, and that's absolutely true IMO- but i actually think that CD has this going on even more than Rewind does.

on an out of universe/narrative level even things that don't initially seem to include Rewind as a motivating factor for CD, like say The Overlord Thing TM, are still very much there because it puts those two characters into direct conflict. like, CD himself is not motivated to do that because of Rewind, but the goal of the comic in making him involved is very much to set up a scenario where CD is indirectly but very meaningfully culpable for Rewind's eventual death at Overlord's hands.

(this post is about CD rather than Rewind but the opposite is definitely mostly true here as well for him: the entire "lost conjunx" subplot is there as a plot device to drive the CDRW conflict, and Rewind mostly gets a nod as the one a little less purely defined by this dynamic because he does one really big thing that isn't related to CD when he chooses to shoot Megatron in Elegant Chaos.)

none of this is a criticism to be clear, this is an absolutely valid way to develop the characters, but almost every other major character has some combination of: a) multiple characters they interact with to develop, b) ways they develop that are mostly driven by themselves as individuals rather than in communication with others, and/or c) they uh, basically just don't get an arc so it doesn't apply.

the point where this becomes sort of weird for how this works for CD's arc as a whole is, in fact, the part where Rewind dies. he dies! he stays dead for kind of a long time. to me when I read it back in trades it never feels like it's all that long, but actually, Rewind dies in issue #15 and doesn't come back via the Rewind 2.0 thing til issue #33. 17 issues in a serialized comic is fully a year and a half in the format it was originally intended for, and it's a large chunk of pagetime where CD is now existing as an independent character without a foil like we see up to that point (and, for that matter, after Rewind is "back").

now, one way the comic deals with this is sort of just to push CD more into the background following to resolution of that arc for a while, which is par for the course for MTMTE and especially early MTMTE; as an ensemble piece it will often dedicate some focus to a character for a bit, give them a small narrative resolution, let them fade into the BG for a bit, and then cycle them back out later if need be. so this doesn't stand out too much as egregiously weird once Rewind is gone.

but CD is hardly gone completely, and the narrative is still following him and how Rewind's death changes him in the following issues and storylines. it checks in on him pretty regularly, and of course by the time we get to the Slaughterhouse arc it ramps this up as a kind of foreshadowing to the fact we're getting Rewind back (well. we're getting a new Rewind, anyway).

there's a really obvious narrative arc a reader is likely to predict as set up by Rewind's final message, and CD's decision following his viewing of it to, for the first time, not address every instance of grief in his life with ill advised mnemosurgery. namely, that This Is An Arc About Moving On, and any future CD stuff will be about that.

which is not at all what this stage in CD's arc turns out to be in the leadup to Rewind's eventual return! not even a little bit! CD canonically completely backslides into a horrendous depression to where he's basically non-functional and everyone is really worried about him. to the point where this will later explicitly be Brainstorm's motivation for changing his plan in Elegant Chaos from "get Quark out alive" to "stop the entire war before it happens". CD learns absolutely no lessons about moving on in this part of his arc, he just barely manages to hang on long enough that he makes it through to where Slaughterhouse happens.

far from the "this is an arc about moving on from grief etc" arc that I think a lot of readers would expect from the setup and standard narrative tropes initially deployed following Rewind's death, this is where CD is at when we get to that arc:

CD's arc is one that is not at all a linear progression about moving forward and getting "better". it seems that way initially when CD makes the very important decision not to use his needles on himself after speaking to Brainstorm, but by the time we get to Slaughterhouse, it becomes very apparent his arc is one that involves significant backsliding.

i'm reluctant to guess at how much of this is deliberate on the part of the writer, and how much is the natural outgrowth of Roberts always knowing that this story included Rewind coming back in some fashion. if you know the arc is going to be picked up with Rewind later down the line, the shape of your plans will inevitably look different, since knowingly waiting to pick that up will wind up folded into how you structure that arc if you plan it in advance.

but it's kind of an unpleasant thing to wade through, in the sense that it's very emotionally uncomfortable to witness a character just... not get "better" like you a) want them to and b) have kind of been trained as a reader to expect from a story like this. it's really not very conventionally satisfying, and while it never gets too bleak, especially since Rewind2 happens directly following this very obvious low point, it brings some of CD's most difficult character traits into sharp relief. namely, that he is a character who struggles to grow under his own steam. it's not very satisfying to see someone basically be handed the "you need to be able to live and improve for yourself" lesson and under horrible circumstances, prove to not yet be able to actually take that onboard.

I always think it's notable that there's a line in Slaughterhouse which puts the Rewind of the other LL on a similar footing at this point too:

the difference for the readers, of course, is that we sit with this mindset with Rewind for a few panels, rather than the much longer period we've seen it impact CD for at this stage.

anyway. I think this backwards momentum is a part of what can make CD feel like a difficult character to get a clear hold on compared to a lot of others in the cast, because trying to track his arc can be trickier. and also because while it's a very realistic depiction of depression, it can be kind of hard to get a handle on when trying to translate that into a more conventional set of narrative storytelling tools. while it's true that most conventional narrative arcs have a "low point" well into the story, they're usually things that are reflected externally rather than by the character like, gradually backsliding into chronic depression.

[so-shiny-so-chrome]

Witness: Donda

Creator name (AO3): Donda

Creator name (Tumblr): thatonezombiecosplayer

Link to creator works: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donda

Q: Why the Mad Max Fandom?

A: I kind of just tend to find one thing I like, and latch onto it with a deathgrip, though there's not really one specific reason I latched onto Mad Max. The only post-apocalyptic thing I had any interest in prior to Fury Road was a comic called Romantically Apocalyptic, but I wouldn't have called myself a die-hard fan of the genre. I think it was just that Fury Road was such a fantastic movie in so many ways that it really caught my attention, and then when I got involved in the fandom, I found it to be all around a really really great group of people, and they were talking about such interesting things, and I just fell in love and decided this was my fandom home! Since then, I've made some really good friends through this fandom and gotten involved in Wasteland Weekend because of it, so this fandom will always remain near and dear to me.

Q: What do you think are some defining aspects of your work? Do you have a style? Recurrent themes?

A: I really like to take this dark, gritty world, and make it kind of light and fun, honestly. Or at least as much as one can without completely detracting from the reality of the state of the world. I've written a couple of darker or more serious fics, but my favorite things to write involve putting a touch of magic or an interesting little twist into the world, and handling the sillier side of things.

Q: Which of your works was the most fun to create? The most difficult? Which is your most popular? Most successful? Your favourite overall?

A: I think I had equal amounts of fun writing my Pocket Sized and Corvus Cormax, because they were just light and silly and kind of intriguing situations for me. I also really really enjoyed writing No Going Back, even though it was on the more serious side of things for me. The prompt just grabbed my imagination, and I was really inspired to write from start to finish. For most difficult, I'll have to go with Consonance, because I am presently stuck on it and have been for months and if you were reading and enjoying that one, I am so so sorry. D: Convalescence got the most hits and kudos overall, but I think that was mostly just because it was posted very early in the Fury Road fandom. Just based on response, I'd say Corvus Cormax was my most popular/successful, and was also my favorite overall.

Q: How do you like your wasteland? Gritty? Hopeful? Campy? Soft? Why?

A: Hopeful with a bit of humor and sometimes a little wasteland magic. I'm into escapism first and foremost, so the least like our own world I can make things, the more enjoyable.

Q: Walk us through your creative process from idea to finished product. What's your prefered environment for creating? How do you get through rough patches?

A: The idea itself usually sparks scenes in my head, and I build around those. Sometimes I'll be writing along and think of something I'd like to happen down the line, or a scene will just start playing through my head, so I'll go write that, and connect the pieces later. Which can sort of cause problems, because when I go writing all the good bits first, filling in the bits in between that are less interesting can get tedious. When I hit a patch that just leaves me completely stuck, most often running the fic by someone else and bouncing ideas around with them helps me tremendously. I tend to like to write from the comfort of my room where there aren't a lot of distractions, but sometimes I'll write on my phone if I'm away from my computer and bored or inspired.

Q: What (if any) music do you listen to for help getting those creative juices flowing?

A: Honestly I basically always listen to my entire music library on random. It's super eclectic, but I'm so familiar with all my songs that it's basically just background noise. Very occasionally I will skip a song that's not suiting the mood of what I'm writing, but mostly anything goes.

Q: What is your biggest challenge as a creator?

A: Getting stuck sucks so much and is my most common problem, because sometimes I feel like I have just exhausted all ideas and there's nowhere to go. Bouncing ideas off of other people always helps, but often I avoid that either because I don't want to bother people, or because I'm super protective of my works until I consider them done. I don't know, I just like people to read the work in it's finalized form, as I intend it to be read, and not in some incomplete messy state.

Q: How have you grown as a creator through your participation in the Mad Max Fandom? How has your work changed? Have you learned anything about yourself?

A: I'm sure my writing has improved, but it's been such a fluid process that I'm not really sure! I guess I've grown and my work has changed in that I've gotten braver in my ideas, more willing to just go for something and not worry about people thinking it's silly or I'm weird. 

Q: Do you have any favourite relationships to portray? What interests you about them?

A: I'm aro/ace myself, so fandom ships have never been a big draw of mine. I tag a lot of my works with "platonic soulmates" because I've just fallen in love with the idea of Max and Furiosa being very close to each other, but not romantically or sexually. They have a really interesting dynamic, and I like to explore them really getting to know each other completely platonically. 

Q: How does your work for the fandom change how you look at the source material?

A: I've explored some headcanons in my writing, and built on ideas in ways that let me sort of see more into the movie, imagine things under the surface beyond the canon, and feel like I know the motivations behind certain characters' actions, even if it's never explained.

Q: Do you prefer to create in one defined chronology or do your works stand alone? Why or why not?

A: My works stand alone for the most part. I've got two series that each consist of a couple fics that follow the same timeline, but otherwise each of my fics is a completely different world.

Q: To break or not to break canon? Why?

A: *Chanting* break canon, break canon, break canon. I like playing with new ideas! Sometimes it's fun to explore some headcanons with fic and build on the movie that way, but I've found that taking the canon and changing a detail and letting it play out from there is the most fun.

Q: Share some headcanons.

A: Immortal!Max is my biggest and most-loved headcanon. I like the idea that he's only sort of peripherally aware of it, too. He knows it's been a pretty long time since the fall of the world, and he's catching on that people who appear his age were born after the fall, but if it even has sunk in that he's not aging and not dying, he actively tries not to think about it too much because that seems like Too Much and he's not ready to face that. He's accepted it as a possibility, but he doesn't put much weight on it. It's just part of him now, and all he can do is live with it.

Q: If you work with OCs walk us through your process for creating them. Who are some of your favourites?

A: Eheh... My OCs are basically fleshed out juuuust enough to be believable and I put zero effort into them beyond that, to be honest. They're often only there to help along the story for the canon characters, and then I toss them away and never think about them again.

Q: What advice can you give someone who is struggling to make their own works more interesting, compelling, cohesive, etc.? 

A: I don't know if my methods will work for anybody else, but three things: 1) imagine the scene like it's a movie playing out in front of you, before writing, while writing, and while re-reading. It helps me keep track of who is where, what's going on, and it makes any continuity mistakes really jump out at me. 2) really get into your characters' heads, think like they do, and share their motivations for what they're doing and their thoughts at what is going on around them in your writing. I think that helps people relate to them more and get into the story more, and it makes you think about how characters would react in realistic, if not always outwardly reasonable, ways. 3) Proof read like a crazy person. This may be weird, but similar to how I get into my characters' heads when I write, I also sort of get into... well, not my own head, when I re-read my works. I try to put myself in a different perspective, and proof-reading my fics with a different mindset really helps me see things that didn't end up making sense the first time around, or sound off, or might be confusing if you don't already know where I was going with it. If I'm thinking like I was when I wrote it, of course everything's going to make sense and work the way I imagined it. If I throw out those preconceptions and intentions, it can almost seem completely new to me, like it would be to a reader reading it for the first time.

Q: Have you visited or do you plan to visit Australia, Wasteland Weekend, or other Mad Max place?

A: I would love to visit Australia, though honestly when I do, priority number one is going to be bats, weird marsupials, and other wildlife. Australia stands out to me mostly as being this weird giant island where evolution just went fucking crazy. But Wasteland Weekend! Hoo boy am I involved in Wasteland Weekend, let me tell you, and I absolutely love it. I love the themed areas and how they completely immerse you in the world, I love the community (seriously, some of the best people I have ever met) and even though it was originally built on Mad Max, which is generally a pretty violent, hard world, I love the atmosphere people create there: the idea that even if the world ended and society as we know it collapsed, people would coexist, look out for each other, and celebrate life. 10/10, highly recommend, hit me up if you plan on attending in the future.

Q: Tell us about a current WIP or planned project.

A: I've unfortunately fallen out of writing quite a bit for the time being, so no planned projects outside of what I'm currently working on, but boy let me tell you how much I love the one I'm co-writing with Catlady! We've put a ton of thought and worldbuilding into it, and a lot of character development in the works for Max, as well as his developing relationship with Furiosa. It's an AU that really gets my imagination going, and I'm super excited for some of the things we have planned. If you like Fae and wasteland magic and discovering/learning to accept oneself, go check out our fic Forgotten Ways!

Thank you @thatonezombiecosplayer

[gumnut-logic]

Gentle Rain (Part Seven)

Title: Gentle Rain

Warm Rain Series

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

Author: Gumnut

26 - 27 Jan 2019

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go 2015/ Thunderbirds TOS

Rating: Teen

Summary: Sometimes it is so gentle, you don’t realise it is happening.

Word count: 2017

Spoilers & warnings: Virgil/Kayo, Scott/OC, spoilers for Warm Rain up to this point in the timeline.

Timeline: Six months after ‘The Proposal’, almost a sequel.

Author’s note: For Scribbles97 Thank you all for all your support on this fic. You are wonderful.

Disclaimer: Mine? You’ve got to be kidding. Money? Don’t have any, don’t bother.

-o-o-o-

Virgil could never be anything but awed at the power of Mother Nature. The massive swirl of cloud beneath them was one hell of a spectacle. Of course, it wasn’t his first cyclone or hurricane, he had tackled many over the years, but each one had its own character.

And this one was big and angry.

“We’re looking at a category four, verging on five.” John hovered above the dash, sitting rather than his usual float due to his being earthbound. “Be careful.” A frown. “And incidentally, your brother is an idiot.”

“Hey!” This from Gordon in the co-pilot’s seat.

John raised an eyebrow in his younger brother’s direction. “I was referring to your big brother. Scott just ran himself into a wall.”

Virgil was calculating his descent trajectory as the scanner located the fishing trawler floundering in the storm below. His head shot up. “What?!”

“Don’t worry, Kayo’s got him. He’s fine. Update you when you get back.”

“Thanks for that, John.” His tone dripped sarcasm.

“Not a problem.” The red head smirked. “Seriously, he’s fine.” In the background, a woman yelled, “You bloody idiot!” Another arched eyebrow. “Assuming our guest doesn’t kill him.”

Virgil had to grin at that. “Beginning descent now.”

“Copy that.” John’s image flickered out leaving Virgil to concentrate on flying into the cyclone.

-o-o-o-

Em had a split second to see a room with a view, a massive Christmas tree, a desk and some portraits before her eyes latched on her patient barrelling up out of a central sunken lounge area directly into a stonework wall on the other side of the room.

He clipped his prone and broken leg causing the hoverchair to slew sideways, sending his entire left and damaged side into the stonework.

The room froze in shock.

Then she was moving.

Her hand activated the ‘scoot’s controls in her palm and she zipped around the curvature of the lounge and was at his side in a moment.

“Scott?” She lowered herself, reaching for him.

His eyes scrunched closed, but his right hand was reaching for his left arm. “Ouch.” A blink, one eye opened and looked up at her. “Em?”

She stared at him. Her eyes tracked the length of his body, checking for further injury. “Are you okay?” She vaguely registered Kayo approaching from behind.

He wriggled in his seat as if checking. “Uh, yeah. I think so.” An amused glance in her direction. “How are you?”

“How am I?” Her voice was faint even in her ears. His blue eyes sparkled up at her and the butterflies in her stomach went feral. She lost it. “You bloody idiot! How am I? What the hell do you think you are doing? Do you have any bloody idea how close you came to dying under that hotel? My god, Scott!”

The expression on his face faltered and he straightened up. His brow furrowed as he appeared to finally fully register her presence.

“It was an accident.”

“What the hell were you doing? You can fly a Thunderbird, but you can’t steer a bloody hover chair?”

“Well, when you put it like that.” But his eyes latched onto her hoverscoot and he paled...for all of two seconds before looking up at her again. “Nice to finally meet you.” The smile returned.

She spun on the spot and, turning her back to him, made her way around the lounge and out toward the view. She would be of better mind if she didn’t have to contend with his charm.

Goddamnit, he’d scared her. And it scared her how much he had scared her with such a simple moment. She couldn’t afford to be vulnerable right now. Too much to contend with. Maybe she shouldn’t have come. No, she definitely shouldn’t have come. She should have holed up at home and rebuilt her shields.

Behind her she heard a quiet Kayo. “You know she’s right. You are a bloody idiot.”

Okay so that made her smile just a little.

The sea breeze whipped up from the ocean below and she used it to calm her frazzled nerves. Closing her eyes, she forced her muscles to relax, slowed her beating heart and took a moment to just be.

The whir of his hoverchair slipped up beside her. “Can we start again?”

A swallow, keep it together. “I guess.” She turned and looked down at him. He was all calm and politeness. A moment and she offered her hand. “Hi, I’m Em Harris. Very pleased to meet you.”

He took her hand in a firm grip, his skin warm. That smile appeared again, but it was softer and more genuine. “Scott Tracy. And I’m very happy to finally meet you.” His voice was as soft as his smile and she found herself drowning in his eyes.

She mentally shook herself, fighting the current. He still had her hand. “Are you going to introduce me to your brother or do I have to guess which one he is?”

He started at that and let her hand drop, peering over his shoulder. “John, come here.”

The tall and slim red head rolled his eyes and stood up from behind the desk, walking over to join them on the balcony. He dipped his head in greeting and she was stunned by the flicker of green in his eyes. What was it with the Tracy genes? Primed for gorgeous eyes?

“Em, this is my middle brother, John Tracy.”

She held out her hand and he took it gently. His skin was softer than Scott’s, but equally as warm. “I’m very pleased to meet you.”

John’s smile was much more subtle than Scott’s as well. “Likewise. Welcome to Tracy Island.” His eyes darted back to the desk. “Please excuse me, I’m on duty.” He took a step back inside before turning back to his brother. “You might want to give Em a tour, Scott.”

To her surprise, Scott started and blinked. “What? Oh, yes, of course.” He shot her a smile, but it was distracted.

She frowned.

But suddenly that genuine soft smile was back and he held out a hand. “Shall we?”

Turning to look back into the lounge, she spotted Kayo. The woman smiled at her and nodded. Okay, in for a penny, in for a pound. At least if she was following him around he wasn’t colliding with any more walls.

She reached out and took that hand.

It was still wonderfully warm.

“Lead on.”

-o-o-o-

Virgil clung to the yoke as the cyclone attempted to throw his ‘bird into the ocean and she fought against the howling wind. It wouldn’t have been a problem if he had been flying straight, but he had to hover and collect the module. His brother and the surviving fishermen were relying on him.

A nasty downdraft slapped them again and the ocean beneath attempted to reach up and grab him from the sky.

His clearance was limited by the length of his grapples and the swell was massive. He had managed the drop off easily enough, the module hitting the surface and rapidly submerging to a safe level where TB4 could disembark. The module’s inbuilt engines and pumps kept it stable in the depths awaiting Gordon’s return.

The aquanaut, with some swearing over the comms, had been able to save the three fishermen before their trawler took a plunge under the next mountainous wave. They all ended up wet, Gordon ended up furious, and now they were safe in the module, awaiting pickup just below the surface.

But the winds were hell, Virgil was tired, and, if he was honest, afraid. This was the one scenario with module deployment that had him scared he may not be able to do it. Mainly because if he couldn’t, his brother could be lost. It all relied on Virgil catching that module in heaving seas and howling winds.

He wrenched on the yoke again and the whole right side of his ribcage twinged. Great. He did not have time for this.

“Whenever you are ready, Virgil.”

He grit his teeth. “Doing my best, Gordon. This is a cyclone after all.”

“FAB.” At least his brother sounded suitably admonished.

He shunted altitude control over to autopilot, upped sensory response to wind velocity and took aim. Three green targets almost immediately. The fourth failed and within a second or two the other three followed and he had to reset the system.

Again.

An exhaled breath, his chest tight.

Two targets green, two red and targets lost.

“Goddamnit!”

He had to do this.

Reset.

Aim.

One target green.

‘C’mon.”

Three.

And four!

He fired.

They stayed green.

Oh, thank god. He immediately set the pumps in the module to shedding water as the grapples started pulling her to the surface. He had to be fast because his ‘bird was now chained to the swell and she rose and dipped alarmingly as the autopilot calculated the distances.

He could almost feel the pumps grinding away below sloshing water, desperately doing their best to free the module of saltwater.

Of course, this was the very moment the ocean decided to throw a wall of that water at him. Suddenly his entire view was wrapped in turbulent whites and greys, TB2’s own spotlights lighting it up for all to see.

Shiiiiiiiit!

He yanked on the yoke and TB2 screamed at the sudden power surge. Module Four was ripped from the ocean surface still half full, and caught immediately by the gale force cross winds. He struggled to gain altitude as the autopilot failed to compensate, desperate to clear the mountain of water bearing down on them.

He almost made it.

Water rushed across the bow of his ‘bird, splashing the rain off his viewports. VTOL flickered, but it was the extra weight on the cables that set the dash screaming at him. There was suddenly a good twenty to thirty metres of saltwater between Thunderbird Two and her flailing module. Unbalanced, continually moving and heavy.

He froze the retrieval, desperate to relieve the strain on the grapples and let the wave move past.

It took forever.

Red lights strobes at him. Grapple two registered a loss of grip momentarily, scaring the bejesus out of him, before locking in green again.

Time hung in terror.

And the swell moved on.

Module Four swung once again in the gale.

Virgil struggled to take a breath.

The pumps churned out the remains of the saltwater as Two finally gained the necessary altitude, fighting the winds best enough to once again draw up and nest the module in her belly.

Heart still pounding, Virgil kicked in the rear thrusters and pushed her towards the cloud ceiling, breaking through finally into the clear air above.

The sudden absence of turbulence was startling.

Once free and steady, he programmed the autopilot to send them to Broome, a matter of minutes away, and took a moment for himself.

Oh god.

His heart was beating against his breastbone. He felt he couldn’t breathe in enough oxygen.

Alone in the cockpit, he dropped his head towards his knees, ignoring the pain in his side at the position. He took strong steadying breaths, desperate to calm himself down.

“Virgil? Virgil!”

Gordon rushed over, but the engineer managed to get himself upright before his brother reached him. “I’m fine. ‘S okay.”

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks.” The sarcasm was there, but the energy wasn’t.

“Are you sure, you’re okay?” Gordon was frowning at him.

A deep breath that didn’t quite feel deep enough, but it got strength back into his voice. “I’m fine. I should be asking you that question.”

“Oh, that was some ride, Virg. We will need to replenish the sick bags in Four, though.”

Virgil stared at his brother. Did he have any idea how close it had been?

Gordon stared back. “What?”

“This is Broome International Airport calling Thunderbird Two. You are clear for approach.”

He blinked and turned back to his console.

Dump the dumb fishermen and go home.

That was all he had to do.

And ignore his trembling hands.

-o-o-o-

End Part Seven.

Part Eight

[stormsbourne]

best ship for each traveler?

OPHILIA: I like haanit best because they are both such. complete. fucking. morons. that said ophilia has great chemistry with like, half the fucking cast, she’s so aggressively bi and so surrounded by hot people and unsure what to do about it. RUNNERS UP: primphilia, therilia (though allow me to say, straight people have done therilia real dirty). alfilia could be good but I just like the dynamics better for both of them with other people

CYRUS: olberic. he’s basically sticking his ass out and begging olberic to fuck him sometimes. that banter where he speculates that olberic is bad at swimming because his muscles are too big, what is that? cyrus! stop being so thirsty!! unfortunately for him olberic is way too into erhardt. RUNNERS UP: odette, who can dom him like he deserves. therion because their dynamic would be good

TRESSA: it’s odd because even the ships I do have for tressa are very like. lowkey. she is a baby. tressa/money. in seriousness, I’m about even on tressa/ali and tressa/noa but in both of them she is just Dumbass On Main and has to learn from them how to do absolutely fucking anything

OLBERIC: erhardt. one hundred percent. I have a soft spot for pining betrayal stories with homoerotic undertones (see my love of hyde/bradley from hotel dusk) and olberhardt has so many good bits of it. erhardt’s guilt and olberic’s inability to let go of his damage but both of them having a very distinctly implied good ending where they are gonna get married and have a thousand dogs and crazy filthy sex every night

PRIMROSE: prim needs someone who is not a shitty dude, poor prim. I think the one I ship most of her options is primphilia because I like the contrast of dark vs light, prim looking for things to believe in and ophilia having plenty of options for her, prim maybe turning to faith after her story is complete and the two of them getting to know each other. THAT SAID haanrose??? primit? praanit? is also good. real good. haanit and primrose. I don’t know the shipname. haanit is so, so, so goddamn gay and prim wants to protect her naive ass. RUNNERS UP: I like shit where prim is into olberic but olberic is too gay to be into it back and they become good friends. prim/simeon is interesting for background fuckup damage, the same way therion/darius is. more on that later.

ALFYN: therion lmao. I want therion to get everything he wants and he and alfyn are a really good contrast and alfyn needs someone to keep him realistic and grounded instead of getting lost in his head and/or the clouds. to be honest though I have several ships for alfyn. he’s just got too many good options. alfion? good. alzeph? good. alfilia? good. I could even get behind like, him and prim, he just has a very good positive energy that I feel could balance out a lot of other characters in a way that would lead to interesting chemistry

THERION: ALFYN!! therion needs someone who can bring some brightness and honesty and open affection into his very guarded and very prickly shell and I feel, like I said in alfyn’s thing, that he and alfyn could bring a lot of balance to each other’s lives. also there’s a whole dynamic you can get into where therion has Darius Damage and alfyn helps him recover and did you notice alfyn and darius are both themed with the color green and darius is weak to alfyn’s signature moves and gashgkjadh. RUNNERS UP: therilia (see above straight people comment), therion/darius (therius?) for Therion’s Past Damage purposes (I appreciate that fandom has understandably latched onto this because I feel those undertones are definitely deliberate)

H’AANIT: ophilia lmao two dumbass gays on main who desperately need help and have a lot of banters. Haanit is very grounded despite being very naive and ophilia is very idealistic despite being very world wise and I feel it would play off each other well. also, haanit is incredibly hot. That said haanit/prim is also crazy good. and tbh haanit is good with pretty much any woman, she is so aggressively lesbian. I know about that chat about wanting someone stronger than her but as a lesbian who used to give nonsense answers about the sort of men I wanted to marry: lol

[secretsfromwholecloth]

So. *cracks knuckles* I just got finished playing Pillars of Eternity for the first time this morning. I have opinions. They’re under the cut.

The map and pausing functionalities and the “just click on who you want this character to attack and we’ll handle the rest” combat brought the gameplay closer to what I’m used to from roguelikes (extremely low-res so you can see a huge amount of the area on the screen at once, turn-based gameplay that doesn’t require you to react quickly or aim well) and made the game actually playable for me, and I wish they were, if not standard-issue, then a lot more common. I hadn’t played a definable ~video game~ since I was about eight, as much because of gameplay that’s Not For Me as because of bad memories attached to them, and that might not have been the case had I had things like this available to me before.

The setting is fun and intriguing, though I’m still sorting through my feelings about its handling of religion (which has a certain tinge of “we wanted the color and variety of a polytheistic pantheon without having to consider actual polytheism”). I’ll be happy to continue spending time in Eora as I play through Deadfire and whatever future games there are in the series. (PoE III: Yezuha, anyone?)

I’ll take the opportunity to experience something different on future playthroughs, but I really do like my Old Vailian moon godlike artist cipher. I started thinking about Clelia’s personality when @bloodilymerry mentioned that her Watcher was keeping Durance around to keep an eye on him—what would my Watcher’s reasoning be? Because that is something that needs explaining; that guy’s a douche. So I thought, I know, I’ll base her on my twenty-something self who thought someone with misogynistic and white supremacist tendencies could be turned if I was only nice enough to him. That eventually turned into her acquiring my gender (some shifting combination of woman and agender, as befits a Vailian godlike), ancestry (or the Eoran equivalent, Old Vailian mother and alternately overbearing and neglectful Ixamitec father), early-twenties relationship situation (see below), and more besides, as I used the character and her interactions with others to basically relitigate my twenties. (I won’t say the entire decade was a blank loss, but I won’t not say it, either; this process has been quite healing, in its way.)

Where, where, is my option to hug my companions? Or various other characters, like Adaryc? They all need so many hugs. I shouldn’t have to headcanon all the hugs. This isn’t right.

Speaking of the companions:

Aloth: I loved elves when I was active in Tolkien fandom (though I was always Team Aragorn as far as that went). Intellectually, I’m well aware that he’s an adorable woobie who needs lots of hugs. “Abuse survivor falls in with a religious group led by not-great people to get away and then has to escape again from their saviors”? Relatable, I know some of those feels all too well. A romance that explicitly breaks free from the relationship escalator and rejects the weight of societal expectations of what A Romance(tm) should be? It’s like they read my mind. My real-life sexual history is full of Aloths, sad little cuties who needed me, and in my day I befriended more of them besides. I love his VA and think he did a great job. So why did I take until the endgame to start warming to the character? I have no idea. I’m still sorting through that.

Edér: Oh, Edér, why won’t they let me hug you? So in case you can’t tell, I love the big man to death, and his usefulness in combat (he’s nearly indestructible when fully leveled and given well-chosen, nicely-enchanted gear—he took down Concelhaut by himself, with a little help from figurines, after the rest of the party was knocked out) is only part of the reason he never left my party. I went for the mayor ending with him, because encouraging his god-bothering tendencies just seems cruel in light of what’s going to happen in five years. (Side note: “Eder”, accented on the first syllable, is a Basque name meaning “handsome”, and it was one of the proposed names for a character from Forbears who’s also a traumatized war woobie. I eyebrowed mightily when I first heard about our man here.)

As much as I ship Edér/Watcher on general principles, he and Clelia aren’t actually that compatible as a romantic couple per se—we see in a few places that he likes his women less sweet and more fiery, probably because at least part of him sees himself as a big, dumb brute who’s slow to catch onto people’s signals and at risk for hurting women without realizing it if they don’t make their opinions known by getting in his face and yelling. I have a couple of levels of headcanons for what their relationship is like:

If we’re hewing fairly closely to game canon, he loves her to pieces, and her flashes of ferocious protectiveness are kind of hot, but she mostly trips his “tiny baby, must protect” circuits, and it’s a relief to watch her get better and grow into someone who needs less babysitting. She’ll be romancing Tekēhu in Deadfire; he’s happy for them, and her continued fangirling over Edér is background noise at this point, not even really awkward anymore.

If I allow my headcanons to take flight a bit, both of them being lonely, touch-starved, and kind of messed up when they met led to him indulging her when she would want to paw at him at night, because hey, it’s actually kind of nice, especially compared to the loneliness of before, and by time they fight Thaos, they’re having “friends doing a nice thing for each other” sex on the regular but know a Proper Romance isn’t in the cards. Over the course of Deadfire, she gets into a triad with Rekke and Tekēhu, with Edér back in his old role as the beloved friend she sleeps with sometimes, and before anyone says anything, “AFAB person with two boyfriends and another male friend who takes the occasional turn in hir bed” is a spot-on description of my relationship situation from ages 19 to 22, right down to the friend being older than the others and a huge stoner. He wasn’t nearly as good a person as Edér, though.

Obsidian have priors, you know. Just ask Star Wars fandom about Bao-Dur. Let us romance the war woobies, Obsidian.

Kana: Another one who never left the party, due in equal amounts to his usefulness on the battlefield and my emotional attachment to him. I demand the option to throw my arms around his waist and smoosh my face into his solar plexus, goddammit. Especially when it turns out that the Engwithans were kind of terrible and the ironclad evidence of Rauatai’s link to them is destroyed and it breaks his poor heart.

Kana, at first, didn’t resonate with me as an immigrant’s child, in part because his second-generation experience was very different from mine, with parents who viewed their heritage as something to protect him from, rather than enthusiastically passing it down like mine did. But by the late game, I’d come to a new understanding of what his deal was: He was raised with no connection to his parents’ heritage besides them telling him a few “pirate stories”. But in Rauatai, he was physically different and subject to racism, and no amount of loud, enthusiastic patriotism ever quite made that go away, which meant that his parents’ choice to not give him anything else to cling to, rather than smoothing his path to integration, left him feeling alone and adrift. So he latched onto ancient times for that sense of having a place in history, and specifically the Engwithans, viewed as “everyone’s ancestors” in much the same way as the real world’s Greeks and Romans (after all, the Glanfathans and their direct connection to them wouldn’t have been more than a name to him then). If there was a link between them and something as foundational to Rauatai as the Tanvii ora Toha, and moreover if it was him and his work bringing that knowledge to everyone, then maybe he’d finally be allowed that feeling of continuity and belonging. Maybe he’d finally make sense there.

Durance and Grieving Mother: Apparently they had the same writer. The same male writer. Meaning that this man had the opportunity to add two nuanced, fully explored characters to this fantasy world, and he chose to give us a violent incel and a woman with no thoughts of anything besides babies and motherhood. I’m genuinely quite uncomfortable with this and glad they have no equivalent in Deadfire. I didn’t much appreciate having to keep Durance in the party so much to advance his quest, either, and their one-dimensional characterization and stilted dialogue felt like a poor fit with the rest of the game.

Fuck you, Durance.

Pallegina: I’d hug her, but she might run me through with her sword for trying. I’ll let her come to me when she’s ready for hugs. Her absolute certainty and confidence (only shakable by a sexy aumaua woman flirting with her, apparently) are wonderful to see, but maybe one day she’ll form an identity for herself that isn’t so tied up in the Republics and their government.

Sagani: She’s every working mom who knows she’s doing the right thing but still regrets spending so much time away from her kids, and I love her and want to hug her a lot. Also, Itumaak is cute, but Edér, no, wait until he’s had more than two days to get to know you before you try to pet him!

Hiravias: Go have a bath before I hug you. And yes, the racism you face is terrible, but could you shut the hell up about Pallegina’s cloaca? And keep a lid on the lewd comments in general unless it’s someone you have that kind of relationship with? (It’s absolutely in character for someone that lonely to be both desperate to keep the first friends he’s made in years and inclined to push their boundaries and test them to see if they’ll just abandon him like everyone else. And he does absolutely need some hugs. Still, though, dude, not cute.)

Devil of Caroc: Totally needs a hug, but I’m not sure she’d appreciate me just going up to her and giving her one. We can show we care about each other by making snarky comments instead.

Zahua: Poor, poor Zahua. Needs a bath first, but then so, so many hugs. Tied with Edér for loveliest voice in the game—hey, you two want to banter some more so I can sit here and listen to your voices?

Maneha: Girl, come here so I can hug you. I agonized over whether to have her keep her memory or not; I was thoroughly OK with her forgetting it, but reading over the endings, I think the one where she remembers is nicer. Also, she had some of the cutest banter in my playthrough, both her flirtation with Pallegina and her growing friendship with Kana, but...what’s that accent? Northern Cities? Midwest? It works for her, she sounds adorable, and of course I wouldn’t expect someone with her history to sound exactly like Kana, but I wonder a little what they were going for.

Fuck you, Thaos, you’re the worst. Lady Webb, you had atrocious taste in men.

Fuck you too, Simoc.

Ondra is less nice than she thinks, and I look forward to getting on her nerves in Deadfire.

Speaking of which, let’s get started.

[jinlian]

i dont know if you're the right person to come to but i kind of have some thoughts on fandom women writing m/m sex. im def. not saying women can't write it (esp. considering theres a whole industry filled with men fetishizing lesbians, but thats for another time) but if all they talk and focus on is the sexual aspect and dont care abt anything else, it feels almost fetishy and dehumanizing? there's intersectionality btwn how women creators and gay people are treated but i cant quite grasp it.

i also forgot to mention in the last ask but i feel like the line btwn fetishizing and exploring can be awfully blurry and it’s kind of hard for me to consume media as a result. it’s weird, but i feel the need to look at the person and see what context it’s written in, what their background is, etc. i want to be critical of what im consuming and the person who created it and how im consuming but it’s just kinda weird and causes cognitive dissonance a little. sorry for the ramble.

hey, so, there’s definitely a lot that can be said on this topic! there’s a lot to unpack in your ask both regarding the fetishization thing and how you’re interacting with media. i think what you’re doing is important and you’ve definitely got the right idea but i can also really see where the dissonance comes in a little bit. it’s tough, because you sort of have to walk the line between “everything we consume is problematic, sometimes i just need to enjoy things” and “media doesn’t exist in a vacuum and we need to criticize things when they deserve it.” which – yeah, is a tough line to walk! 

i think at a certain point it unfortunately comes down to individual judgement. i can think jk rowling is pretty shitty while still loving harry potter and what i was able to take from it as a child, while still acknowledging she could have pushed the envelope further. i’m having a much more difficult time knowing what to do with my feelings about rurouni kenshin. et cetera. basically, i try to enjoy things while still being willing to talk about the bad shit, but if i’m feeling like the harmful things way outnumber the good then i’m out of there.

so unfortunately all i can tell you about how you’re consuming media is just to  to use your best judgement. we all need to let ourselves enjoy things. but enjoyment and criticism can and need to go hand in hand. so – just keep being conscious of it. engage and have fun, step back when you feel you need to do that. 

when it comes down it, cishet women writing m/m sex is always going to send off a lot more danger bells to me than wlw doing it. which isn’t to say that all straight women shipping and writing m/m ships are bad, because that’s definitely not true! the answer isn’t to desexualize the ship completely any more than it is to point fingers at any straight girl daring to ship two men together, both options are bad. i’ve definitely seen straight women fans interacting with victuuri for example in a way i felt was very genuine and heartfelt and not creepy at all, and that’s awesome. the weirdness comes in context.

because you’re right – there’s a lot of bad crap out there that does come off as dehumanizing. the fics that completely toss aside any semblance of characterization for the “hot smut” or have clearly done no research into how (cis) gay men have sex and really are just there to focus on the banging. there’s way too much of that – and they’re often the most popular things in fandom (mafia aus, nympho yuuri, that rival au, etc). it’s gross, it’s uncomfortable. so i agree w you.

it gets complicated when you introduce 13-14 year olds to fan spaces occupied by 30-40 y/o women who are producing some of this content. it’s difficult to blame teens when adults should know better. yes, adults belong in fandom spaces. i’m an adult, i like having fun with nerdy things too! but adults also have a responsibility not to be fucking weird about it. younger people will try to emulate the older ppl and get wrapped up in fandom culture, which perpetuates itself, and it’s just a big cycle. sex in fanworks is fine, it really is. but adults in particular need to start doing some critical thinking about who’s sharing fandom space as well as whom their content might be harming.

so there’s an exploration aspect of young teens testing out sexual content, which isn’t inherently bad, but adults producing some of this gross fetishy “what is characterization i just want hot inaccurate unsafe sex smut” should know better. it’s harmful and hurtful. our sexuality does not exist for your entertainment and consumption.

to an extent this can be said of wlw as well, i’ve seen my fair share of it (especially wrt ~omegaverse stuff). this is not to say that trans men and mlm can’t and don’t enjoy this stuff, but they cannot fetishize themselves, that’s totally up to them to create and consume content about their own lives. but there’s an inter-community discussion, as i know there are differing opinions there. which just comes down to this imo: if you’re a cis/cishet woman, just…. think more critically about what you’re doing.

it gets more complicated with wlw i think because we don’t have a lot of stuff that reflects our own stories. i’ve talked a little bit before about how there’s a reason we latch onto male homosocial relationships in media, platonic or otherwise. at least for me, it’s because there’s just a dearth of women in media who even have characters, let alone unique or individual stories, let alone really fleshed out relationships with other women. male relationships are often given so much more depth, exploration, and respect in storylines that i think it’s easy to find ourselves gravitating towards that – especially when we’re looking for relationships of the same gender.

it doesn’t mean that women in media don’t exist or that it excuses any gross things produced by those wlw, because it definitely doesn’t. but i understand why we find those stories compelling. in my experience wlw tend to be more careful and aware of how they’re producing fan content for mlm (though of course not all of us!) simply because the stories feel more personal and they understand how it feels to have their sexuality and identity fetishized for consumption, and are actively trying to avoid it.

none of this ofc applies to every person belonging to each identity, so there are bound to be outliers and aberrations here. that’s fine! i guess this is kind of more of my rambling about general trends and observations.

basically – i think i share your concerns while recognizing that it’s a complicated topic. i like seeing people loving a ship for what it is and wanting to engage with it. gay ppl in particular are looking for stories about ourselves. and all ppl should be fine writing sex and exploring those aspects of relationships in fan content! it just comes down to being aware and responsible and knowing that media and fandom do not exist in a vacuum.

[irisbleufic]

You don't have to answer if talking about this has been stressful, but I can't stop thinking about how illogical it was for the Gotham troll to do what they did. Trying to use Ao3 stats against you, like the 30something people who defended you pointed out, was petty and illogical and spoke to deeper underlying irrational hate in the perp. I keep trying to isolate what it could be if not jealousy, because I've seen this happen to other people. Do you have any thoughts on this form of bullying?

First of all, anon, don’t worry about upsetting me.  I’m not that easily rattled, so no apology is necessary.  I find your question a fascinating one; I had to sit on this for a couple of days to gather my thoughts on the subject, because it turns out that I do have some notions about possible motives that stem from, oddly enough, some much older fandom attitudes and trends that I’ve recently seen return in a new guise.  I frame this with the usual YMMV caveat; this is my perception of the situation, but it might not be what’s really going on at all.  I’m going to do my best to explain this.  If anyone needs background on the troll situation to which anon is referring, those posts are here.

When I first got into fandom as a young teenager in the early-to-mid ‘90s, a significant number of the people whose stories I was reading (and who were my mentors) were very much part of that first wave whose writing and zine efforts had to remain hidden because the mainstream contingents, in the overwhelming majority, hated slash.  However, I noticed a common-thread attitude between some of the slash community and the larger part of the mainstream community, which was this: Canon Is God.  Even if you’re writing stories about romantic or otherwise nontraditional relationships between various characters (or even just writing gen stories, for that matter), you accept that what you’re doing should never be held in the same reverence as canon.  You are a pale shadow, and you must be self-deprecating.  You must allow that the creators know best and that what you do is, at best, wishful thinking.  Do whatever you like, but revere the creators and do not believe that you or any other fan-creator may be capable of making a wiser decision.

In a community as essentially as subversive as fandom, this attitude puzzled me.  My experience of the media with which I was beginning to engage and about which I was beginning to write was this: the creators did not, in fact, always know better, at least not what was better for me personally.  In some respects, I developed a reputation for being a civil, yet stubborn contrarian early on.  Even more than that, my writing gestures began to hit a register that sometimes made my mentors nervous: for the first time, I learned what it meant for someone to like you only up till the point you start to turn heads and develop friendships with like-minded people outside the circles that inducted you.  What I mean to say, mostly, is that my writing approach has almost always been along the lines of this narrative is broken, it hurt me and it hurt some other people, and I think I might know how to fix it; I want to write an alternative that will carry an equivalency of canon’s essential captivating qualities, but will alter the narrative such that it no longer damages me or the other people I know who have been similarly hurt.  And I learned very fast that thinking on that scale of ambition was something of a taboo to those who had grown up with the idea that Canon Is God (You Should Not Even In the Slightest Believe You Might Know An Equally Viable Approach).

Still, I never stopped writing that way.  I never stopped hoping I could offer an alternative canon-equivalent for myself and for anyone else who wanted something like what I was reasonably confident I could produce.  Scale this across twenty years, and I’m in a position where I’ve absolutely written a significant handful of what are considered some of the foundational fic-series for the fandoms in which I wrote them.  I prefer to make narrative gestures on sweeping scales, because that’s what storytelling is.  We fall in love with the media we fall in love with, usually, because they tell compelling stories across multiple novels, across multiple seasons, across multiple films, etc.  How can I hope to alter a story for readers who desperately want the alteration if I don’t try to do it on a scale commensurate with the scope of canon?  One-shots are a thing, and an admirable one, too, but I’m one of those creators with an insatiable heart.  I don’t like to stop until the story gives me the sense it’s time to stop.  And I’m at a point in my fandom career where I know I have readers counting on me if they get invested in a project, so I’m going to do my damnedest to see nearly everything I start to completion.  I know I’m not the only fanwriter who thinks and works like this, anon, and the fact that you’ve seen similar bullying happen to others is about to become relevant.

Let’s back up a second to the concept of Canon Is God.  For the most part, I’ve seen fandom as it exists now give canon the finger and never look back.  I think that’s glorious.  However, I’ve also seen movements within several of the fandoms I’ve been part of, in just the last ten years, argue that dissent against canon, even civil dissent against canon, counts as negativity.  I don’t necessarily want to talk about the fact that canon dissenters and canon supporters alike often go at each others’ throats as rudely and cruelly as you please; jerks are just jerks, and nobody with either philosophy should be behaving like that.  However, maybe you can see what I mean about Canon Is God appearing in its latest form.  Some feel that you can write what you want, but that it’s wrong to even politely dissent with the events of canon on your blog and in your fan-works.  The mere existence of dissent, even civil dissent, is offensive.  There’s an idea that the only way to participate positively in your fandom of choice is to accept that canon is canon and that you should like it, or, if you don’t like it, you should at least make an effort at pretending you do (in spite of what you may be writing or drawing).  

The trouble, of course, is that some of us aren’t adept at pretending.  Write or otherwise create with ambition—with conviction, with no intention to hide the fact that you’re discontent with canon—to the point that you effectively serve an existing like-minded readership and even sway enough other people (into feeling that your vision is indeed one way things literally could have or should have gone), and, in the eyes of some, you become this: a dangerous heretic and a narrative terrorist.  Your challenge to canon is perceived as effective, and a threat, because of the number of folks who latch onto it.

I’ve run into people before who don’t like the level of influence that they perceive I have over my readers’ perceptions of the characters at hand, and it wouldn’t at all surprise me if the person who attempted to attack me is thinking along similar lines—but realized they’d have to disguise it as something supposedly more logical or community-minded.  I find this an incredibly sad outlook, though, because you can’t stop writers from writing what they want to write.  You can’t stop readers from reading what they want to read.  You can’t stop readers from commenting on, leaving kudos for, or reccing what becomes dear to them.  Fandom is a fucking free-for-all.  There will also always be some writers whose works get more exposure than others, and the patterns governing those levels of exposure are about as difficult to parse as any other trend.  In some cases, it’s the level of scale and conviction I’m discussing; in others, it’s because they’ve brought a fanbase with them from RL or a number of previous fandoms.  Sometimes it’s a combination of the two; sometimes it’s neither.  Sometimes it’s just that they, as a human, embody a bunch of differences that someone hates.  Heaven knows I embody enough of those.

This might be a more complicated answer than you were looking for, but, if we’re looking at me as the case-study writer that drew some mystifying and laughable abuse by just writing and existing, I have to take into account that high emotions (and even insecurities) usually drive the sorts of decisions that bullies make.  I have enough years’ worth of data to suggest that my stories are intensely meaningful to the readers they attract and, yes, even sometimes sway or convert, if it’s useful to keep using that language.  And this is the juncture at which I want to revisit the idea of writing with ambition and conviction, because that’s an approach I hold dear for a specific reason.

If we don’t transform our beloved narratives here at the fringes, narratives in the mainstream will never change.  Although it feels like mainstream trends aren’t changing rapidly enough in the face of our efforts, speed is not what matters.  It’s that we understand that the shifts we model and effect may not come in our lifetime—and persist.  I will not placidly accept what hurts me.  And if you fear the level of conviction and brand of vision with which I transform it, get out of my way.  Hell yes, I’m out to take the chance that I might sway hearts in addition to serving like-minded fans, because maybe, one day, I’ll sway the right ones.  You never know who’s watching; you never know who’s reading.  Maybe it’s no one, or maybe it’s someone with the power to make a different choice about how a mainstream narrative will turn out.  One day, some of us will have that power.  Some of us already do.  Changing the face of stories from the outside can, in a way, mean doing it from the inside.

(Besides, every broken narrative is a puzzle, and I love puzzles.  I just have to figure out where the useful pieces actually go, patch the gaps accordingly, and then rewrite the ending.  If you don’t like the way I do it, then find another way instead of coming at me with something as time-wasting as abuse.)

[soullesscoyote]

All the asks

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?My process for naming fics is eitherA) a joke name because i can't help myselfB) or a name that just sounds like "yeah that's a fitting title name"B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?Plenty! I try to follow the rule "write what you know" in a way to convey maybe something I've experienced, but also use it to write what I don't know about.For example I have a lower middle class family, but to write a more well off family i base it on things I've seen and experienced when younger like those times we got home from the grocery store and that first day with a ton of food and i felt like i wouldnt have to worry about eating a ton of it, or even back when i was younger (7) with a loft bed and having all my stuff organized with a spot in my room had me feel really content with my life where i felt like i had everything i wanted and couldn't ask for more. I had a 3d puzzle of the inside of a frog, an ant farm, a hamster, a framed picture of a praying mantis, a very small binder of pokémon cards, a room painted green and at that age and time felt like my life was really together despite not knowing how to articulate it. It felt like my own personal space that i had control of so to write a well of family i try to write in things that give off a similar feeling of a well put together room except a entire house that way where everything feels like it has its place. If that makes sense.C: What character do you identify with most?In Marble Hornets, Jay Merrick who just wanted to help everyone despite how many time those people tried to kill or hurt him.In Voltron, Keith in terms of not always feeling like I belong in groups and sometimes struggling to understand myself. Also Hunk whos a very caring person with a big heart.In Be More Chill i relate to Jake where in freshman year of high school i worked really hard to be the best in my classes to a point that id cry from stress every night.Jeremy feeling unimportant and more like a background character with nothing really notable about him compared to everyone else.Brooke feeling constantly like she's second best to Chloe and people using her.Christine being unsure of what she wants in life as she nears the last year of high school where she feels like she needs to decide.Rich while unsquipped seeming like he hardly knows how to handle himself in social situations and seeming incredibly anxious without a squip also being a big nerd D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?Typically if its a musical depending on viewpoint i listen to songs with those characters in it.In other things its songs that give me a similar feeling to the thing i'm writing (for example i imagine things as color pallets so i try to match them with the colors another thing gives me. Or the corresponding emotion i feel/need to feel as I write a scene.E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?Starting From Square One? The sequel would be more of Rich adjusting to life without a squip and living a pretty happy life with Michael and them going about their lives be it them going to college and struggling or as adults with jobs and trying to figure themselves out during that since i kinda feel like life is constantly a thing of trying to figure yourself out.Out of the tons of Voltron Fics probably more on Keith being glara and the lives/background behind the galra species with how it affects keithIn hu it's hard to say. A lot of them would be hard to find a way to make sequels of but considering Starting From Square one is the only fic i managed make myself work on currently i wouldnt say its impossible to find/make sequels for any of those ficsF: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?For Be More Chill http://archiveofourown.org/works/11671890/chapters/26267448 Both because its from Michaels viewpoint and it definitely doesn't seem to go out of its way to make Jeremy a monster and make Michaels personality center around hsi panic attack like plenty fics do.G: Care to share a favorite crack fic?I'm not too big on crack fics because i personally love really long fics with character development. (crack fics are good, for me it's just my preference where most of the time i'm not in a huge mood for them) but i know this one has been p funny https://my.w.tt/UiNb/v4KNrRgajJ H: How would you describe your style?Id say i write in whatever sounds right in my mind while i'm reading to fit the mood of what i intend to portray. Its really hard to sayI: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?Already answeredJ: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].Starting from Square Ones Alternate ending would be it ending where Rich snaps at everyone and it would have a sequel of everyone in the squip squad meeting Rich in college after not seeing him for an entire year. They'd find who took online classes because he didn't want to see anyone and was still pissed and during that time he had gotten several jobs and was barely even supporting himself with how his dad doesnt care for him. (potentially where he may take up selling drugs) and everyone does try to apologize but it takes awhile for anyone to convince Rich they actually mean it.K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?In Starting From Square One there was a scrapped idea of everyone actually hating rich and him trying desperately to convince them it wasn't his fault he started the fire only when everyone finally does get proof from Jeremy who actually understands Rich's struggle because he had a squip longer Rich hasn't gone to school in well over a week and has goes missing because he's hiding from his dad. L: What's the weirdest AU you've ever come up with?I based one on a dream i had which was like a Xiaolin Showdown, meets high school au, meets almost one pieceLike if you touched these specific items they latched onto you and gave you abilities that typically corresponded to an animal or gave a animals trait to you like enhanced sense of smell, stronger legs for jumping, wings etc. It wasn't fully thought out or planned so it's a very vague idea.M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?Im writing bits and pieces of terraverse, its hard but i'm getting somewhere with it! There's others but they're like aus based off dreams that i'm yet to figure out how to explain or develop in a way they make sense.N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?All of them tbhO: How do you begin a story--with the plot, or the characters?Typically plot first and then i'll add characters to match the plotP: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)It's a little bit of bothI try to plan in advance but as i write Point A going to Pont B i do find things in the story that unfold as I go and then proceed to go to my planning to find a spot to mention it again later.For example i mainly planned on in Starting From Square One that Rich would have known Michaels older brother from when he was a kid but didnt know his last name therefore didn't know he and Michael were related and as I wrote more in my planning it sort of unfolded as I wrote and became me writing in that Michaels older brother dropped out of college because of how stressful it was and Rich gos to stay with him and that's when he finds out michael and him are brothers.Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?While writing if i decide suddenly I want to change something I take what i've already written of that version and paste it into a Google doc of scrapped ideas. That way if i can find a chance to implement them in another fic or other point in a chapter even if written differently i can have the general idea for what i may have intended to go off of.R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?None in particular but I feel like a little bit of everything I've read and written influences my writing since i always find something somebody may have written i want to implement in a fic.Not like their idea. But small things like reading people write about Michael's parents did influence me to include Michaels parents in my fic. Not the same way they did but it was something i read that had made me stop and realize.I never considered what some of these character's families and cousins and such are thinking as they may hear about this from another viewpoint like Michael’s, Jeremy’s, Rich's, Brooke’s, Chloe's, Jenna’s, or Christine's.S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?In voltron (before it became canon) i liked a trope that Keith isn't as angry as everyone makes him and actually is just really defensive and afraid of being seen as weak to everyone else because lance seems to constantly go to pick on him for things.In Be More Chill i stand by the Trope Jake is really smart just perhaps Ditzy and gets really excited over something and struggles to pay attention to the other details because of a long theory and research i did with all the extra curriculars jake did paired with his need to be the best. T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?G o dIn Hollywood Undead stuff I always hated Aron being an unreasonable asshole by default.In Be More ChillJeremy's character being reduced to having been an asshole to Michael because it erases how they were friends for TWELVE YEARS and Jeremy in the bathroom did say "I missed you" TO MICHAEL. Or how Jeremy did have a lot of stressful shit happen to him minutes prior which made him get really defensive over the squip.Everytime people center Michaels personality around his panic attack i love 7 years to my life because they only go as far as Michael hates himself but never even delve into things like how Michael said to Jeremy how he wouldn't be glad to see him after he heard about his research on the squip Kinda like he anticipated Jeremy wouldn't be happy and Michael had a feeling Jeremy wouldn't outright be happy about it.(asks cut me off hold up)

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/walking-dead-hits-100-episodes-now/

'The Walking Dead' hits 100 episodes: Now what?

Season 8 of "The Walking Dead" is fast approaching, and you can expect more changes as fans have not been as happy with last season's splintering of the group. We were lucky to visit the show's set and talk directly to everyone involved. For seven seasons, AMC’s “The Walking Dead” has explored a world where the dead roam the earth while the living seek safety — from other humans as much as from the zombies trying to tear into their flesh. There are characters whose faith is tested but find their grit and fierceness. There are those who are kiss-ups and latch themselves onto leaders, their will to survive stronger than their pride. Then there are those who seize a newfound power to terrorize and bully. Through it all, it’s often difficult to discern the difference between who’s good and who’s evil, something that evolves and can change from moment to moment. And now, as the show approaches its 100th episode — the kickoff to Season 8 that launches on Oct. 22 — the characters are on the verge of war, a battle pitting character Rick Grimes and his band of loyalists against Negan and the Saviors, mixed in with a few other communities whose allegiances sometimes shift without warning. For a full day this spring, AMC invited a small group of journalists to the set to talk with the actors and crew involved in the show. Everyone took pains to avoid revealing what was in store in the next season. The main filming location is on a sprawling lot tucked behind this small south Georgia town where most of this new world has sprouted: Raleigh Studios, a constantly evolving set on 140 acres where all sorts of imaginary communities have been created from scratch. The Heap — an actual mound of trash filled with all sorts of debris and cars no newer than 2010 (the year the world is said to have died) — was created in just three weeks to serve as the domain for Jadis (played by Pollyanna McIntosh), who speaks in an odd clipped form of English and switches allegiances as fast as character Michonne can lop off a head with her Katana. The Hilltop, ruled over by drunkard and chauvinist Gregory (played by Xander Berkeley), took nearly four months to create, its 18th-century architecture brick exterior concealing an interior that is basically a shell, devoid of any walls. Alexandria, the gated community supposedly in northern Virginia, is an actual subdivision that four real families call home and have to stay clear of the film crews that flock there six months out of the year. The first season was shot largely in Atlanta. By the second season, Raleigh Studios in Senoia — about an hour south of Atlanta — had been created in this town of about 4,000. Not only does it allow the show to create and keep the communities that make up “The Walking Dead,” but it can be constantly reinvented. The spot where Gabriel’s church once stood? It was torn down and became the dirt circle where Season 6 ended with Rick and his crew kneeling before Negan, the spot where beloved characters Glenn and Abraham were slain at the end of Negan’s barbed-wire covered bat. And now? It remains vacant. “This is pretty much-hallowed ground,” said Tom Luse, the show’s executive producer, as he gave a group of journalists a tour of the studio grounds. It was a tough scene to shoot, he said, and it was even tougher to lose not only two beloved characters but two actors among a crew that considers itself tight-knit. “I don’t know if we’ll shoot here again,” Luse said, adding later: “This is a shrine.” Virtually everything is shot on the site. One exception: The Kingdom, which is shot at Tyler Perry’s studios at nearby Fort McPherson. One of the biggest advantages and challenges? The grass and shrubs. “Greens help hide a million sins,” Luse said. But they also have to ensure it doesn’t get trimmed or mowed too often. “We have to constantly recreate that dead look.” The show is based on comics created by writer Robert Kirkman and artist Tony Moore. The comics are still going strong with more than 165 issues so far. In some cases, the TV show mirrors how it plays out in the comics; in other instances it veers off on its own course. Even a few characters not seen in the comics find their way on the screen, including Daryl Dixon (played by actor Norman Reedus), a crossbow-wielding character who has proved to be one of the show’s most popular. Gale Anne Hurd, an executive producer, attributes much of the cast’s comradery to Andrew Lincoln, who plays lead character Grimes, a sheriff who emerged from a coma to find the zombie apocalypse has turned the world upside down. “We work and live in a bubble. And it’s great that’s the case because no one has changed,” Hurd said. “That’s what is special about this show. Not one person from the (original) cast all of a sudden thinks they’re some sort of superstar and has a big trailer or an entourage. They’re still in two banger trailers.” When did it start to dawn on them when the show would become a huge success and endure? For Hurd, it was fairly early: Season 2. The characters had escaped to a sprawling farm outside of Atlanta. There was comfort, apparent safety and places nearby to raid for weapons, food and other assorted basics. “The second season was one in which with people arguably could say OK, it slowed down, they’re at the farm, it was focused significantly on character development and the fandom grew,” Hurd said. “And in my mind knowing that there was action to come and there were bigger worlds, more worlds, more characters that if we were building viewers in Season 2 that it was the kind of trajectory that made for a show that could endure.” Greg Nicotero, special effects guru who has not only made his mark on the show by creating the zombies who lurch and prowl the world but also is co-executive producer and occasional-director, called this season’s premier it's most propulsive — a word repeatedly used by the cast and crew as they began taping Season 8. Season 7 was known for segmented episodes that narrowly focused on one character or community. It was described as a tough season to get through, the actors missing the chance to interact with a variety of colleagues and feeling isolated. Cast and crew say the feel for Season 8 is different. The pace will be accelerated, and even the way it’s filmed will feel different, though no one would even come close to betraying those nuggets fans crave to divine which characters might die and how the war will play out. But they do note that there will be moments that pay homage to all the previous seasons — and to their loyal fans. “There’s gonna be some moments that people who have watched the show from the beginning will see and be like, ‘Oh, OK, I see what they’re doing here’ by paying tributes to specific moments over the last seven years,” Nicotero said.

Movie TV Tech Geeks was lucky enough to be invited to sit among small group of media representatives who were invited to the set of “The Walking Dead” in Senoia, Georgia, to talk with about a dozen cast and crew members about the upcoming season, the filming of the show’s 100th episode and life on and off the set. Here are some highlights from those interviews:

— Actor XANDER BERKELEY on his character, Gregory, who rules over The Hilltop: “He’s on this animal level asking himself the question that I think if many people were faced with for real: Am I going to be heroic and save someone else’s life before my own?”

— Executive Producer SCOTT GIMPLE on whether he can envision “The Walking Dead” getting to Episode 200: “We’re planning on it. We’re projecting it out. I don’t think the story ends. Carl might need a cane. ... We want to keep doing it at least as long as Robert (Kirkman, the comic’s writer) is doing it. There are times when we rip right through the comic story and there are times when it gets way expanded out. ... It’s fun and sometimes necessary because there’s not the same characters and not the same situations to fortify the sort of stuff the expands aspects of it. That can take more time than even following the comic story. It’s always the comic story and then some. And he’s going full steam, unless next month he isn’t and he surprises us all. We’re prepared for the long haul.”

— Actor LENNIE JAMES on his character, Morgan Jones, who was first seen in the pilot episode and then didn’t return to the show until the third season: “Morgan’s decision to not kill was never about cowardice, it was never about the fear. The only fear he had is the fear of who he is, and what he’s like and what he does when he’s killing. And he’s trying to hold that beast at bay. Well, that beast is right in front of his face at the moment.”

— Actor TOM PAYNE, who plays Paul Rovia (aka Jesus from The Hilltop): When Payne first joined the cast, he had to wear hair extensions and a fake beard. That allowed him to go out in public incognito. But he’s since grown his real hair and beard out and now gets recognized regularly. It will be easy enough for him to shave it once he’s off the show. In the meantime, “it’s a fun ride and who knows how long it’ll last.”

— Actor STEVEN OGG, who plays Simon, one of Negan’s lieutenants: “This whole world is about survival and how people survive. So I think that’s the most important thing, who you make alliances with and who you decide to work with.”

— Actor ROSS MARQUAND, who plays Aaron, a gay man who ventured out to the dangerous world to find and recruit new residents to Alexandria, on how the show has seamlessly weaved in characters from a variety of backgrounds, from interracial couples to gay couples to May-September romances: “I love it. I think it’s very important. I think that Robert Kirkman has done a really good job of including characters from all walks of life as it should be because that’s how life really is. It’s a fair representation of how people are in the world.”

— Actress POLLYANNA MCINTOSH, who plays Jadis, the leader of a group of scavengers on what it’s like to work on a set and the massive mound of trash her character lords over: “When I walked onto that set, I couldn’t believe the scope of it. And I couldn’t believe that I was working, that me, Pollyanna, was working in a junkyard essentially because honestly, swear to God, when I was a kid and I’d pass those things in the car with my parents, I’d just be wanting to get out there and play. ... So on that level, it’s my fantasy.”

— Actress KATELYN NACON, who plays Enid, one of the younger cast members on the show, says the next season is jammed with action but she hopes future episodes show at least some happiness and goodness: “It can’t always been 100 percent bad! I get it’s the apocalypse but come on, just a little bit of happiness?”

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 9: Strange Fandom Space

I suck at sleeping at the right times in general but especially this week so I didn’t watch 4x02 until just now and I don’t have time to write up thoughts because like...work exists tomorrow unfortunately. I’m gonna just start indiscriminately closing order lines like whatever.

Wrote this earlier though so it’s kinda long but is not proof of me staying up late to ramble on tumblr I swear. Will write some sort of reaction tomorrow. Quick quick version: I liked 4x02 a lot. I’m quite pleased.

*

Yesterday when my mother was giving me her cryptic spoiler-free review of 4x02, I realized that the only couple whose canon status I'm waiting on is Bellarke. Like the only non-canon couple I both ship, and expect to be canon, is Bellarke. Which surprised me for some reason, though I don't know why. Maybe because I low-key ship so many people? I don't know, it probably shouldn't be a shock as I'm so out of step with the show romantic-pairing wise lol.  

(This came up because she said there was a romantic development I would like, and I guessed Kabby sex scene right away. We'd just been talking about Bellarke in a way that made me aware she wasn't talking about them, so I knew it had to be a development with an established couple. I don't have any not-quite-canon ships beyond Bellarke. And other convo had already made me aware it wasn't Miller/Bryan either. Thus the choices were really narrow.)

I just often feel like I’m in a totally different place re: thoughts/feelings on couples in the show, versus like the rest of fandom. And I think part of the reason for this is that I'm very used to using fandom to fill in gaps in canon. So, when the canon is giving me a couple, and giving me everything I want out of the couple, I lose a lot of interest in them, or at least a lot of fanon interest. I start enjoying the show (or whatever) in much the way that casuals do.

This plays into a larger theory of mine that I fall into fandoms particularly for the transformative aspects and thus don't get heavily invested in shows or other pieces of media that I'm perfectly content with—that fandom participation for me is basically a form of mixed adoration and criticism.  

This means that it's hard for me to understand a lot of things in, at least, this fandom, possibly current fandom trends more generally. For example, the focus on definitive truths, which includes expanding the sources from which definitive proof is found—for example, the idea that an interview could be canon. The more you accept as canon, and the more importance you give to canon, the less room there is for debate and interpretation because certain avenues are closed off even if there's nothing in the text to close them. Or the occasionally virulent hatred people receive if they question any aspect of the show, as if being a fan of something meant you cannot criticize it. Or even the weird way that people just like latch onto a random pairing because it's there and it's canon now and there's no room for saying a canon-ship doesn't make sense because it's canon lol so like you're obviously wrong. (Guess who isn't bitter about guess which mystery pairing.) (No one's ever said this to me I'm just bitter and paranoid.)

Or, perhaps most noticeably, the intense focus on whether or not something (usually a couple) will become canon. The derision fans receive if they like something not-yet canon. The ugly debates. The defensiveness (understandable given the derision though.) And just the investment in canon status.

On the one hand, as someone who's had a lot of non-canon OTPs I dearly wanted to become canon, I do get it. When you see all this evidence that A+B should be together, of course you want to see that come to fruition. Clearly. This happens to me a lot because  I (usually) need there to be some sort of canon-basis for a relationship in general to start shipping it. Very rarely do I ship people who've never interacted in canon, for example, and most of my big ships and OTPs are ones that I think should have been canon, given the evidence/foreshadowing.

But then on the other hand it's becoming pretty clear to me that, as I said, I lose interest in a couple in rough proportion to the degree that the couple is canon. Maybe it's because I've pretty much never gotten a canon ship before that I'm only realizing this now, but apparently when a Really Obvious Ship crosses the line from almost-there to actually-there, I start tuning out of the fandom.

For example, on The 100, I have followed along neutrally with some canon ships, like Finn/Clarke or Wick/Raven. (At some point I would have said I actually shipped Wick and Raven but...IDK fandom pretty much ruined that pairing for me and given that I didn't miss Wick when he was gone, I think in retrospect I was just having the sort of reaction a casual viewer would to it: I picked up the hints the story was giving me, enjoyed when they lead exactly where they were supposed to lead, but was never so invested that I focused on the couple in fanon or felt a loss in the show when they off-screen broke up). Even Lincoln/Octavia is probably in this category, as I enjoyed their relationship on the show, but never thought too deeply about it (because you can't, or it falls apart right away lol); I enjoy/ed them as a background couple in fics but have never sought out fic that features them as the main couple. That sort of thing.

I'd say I actively ship Jasper/Maya in the sense that I'm more-than-average invested in them, but again, the narrative gave me everything I wanted from that pairing so I very rarely spend any sort of fannish energy on them.

Miller/Bryan is a canon ship I actively ship (and have even written for) but they only had a handful of scenes in S3, we barely know Bryan's personality, etc. In other words, even though they're a canon couple, the narrative isn't/wasn't giving me everything I wanted about them, so fan works fill/ed the gap.

And Kane/Abby...they were never a big ship for me but I would say I pretty actively shipped them pre-S3. Now I passively ship them. I like them, I look forward to their scenes and their relationship developing, but a lot of my excited fandom feels just disappeared when they became canon.  

Even Bellarke is a little bit like this to me, only in the sense that I think it is super obvious they are going to be canon/endgame and I so trust the narrative on that point that I have no reason to ever think about their canon/not-canon status. It'll happen eventually. I'll enjoy it. But it really doesn't matter to me if it happens next week or next month or next season. Honestly, I really don't like feeling this way. I envy people who can get excited about their imminent canon-ness or even who can debate just how imminent it is. I just have no passion about it personally.

And...everyone else I ship on this show is very clearly in the Never Going to Be Canon category.  

I think there's sorta an argument to be made that canon Raven/Clarke could have been a thing... I mean IDK canon Cl*xa happened on less build up than Raven/Clarke had in S1 so I mean reasonable people can disagree I think... but not anymore. What with the damage in their relationship, the clear disinterest in the writers in developing even the friendship aspects, and the super bright signals that Bellarke is full steam ahead at this point, I don't see any room for R/C and in fact if they did veer off in that direction I'd be confused and annoyed even though I do ship them. Every other ship of mine is like...maybe if hell freezes over lol. In some cases, making a fanon-ship of mine canon would literally involve raising the dead but tbh even when both parties are still alive it's still just about as likely. And my point is that I'm okay with that.

I don't know what the overall point of any of this is except that being in this fandom is really making me re-evaluate the whole concept of fandom to me. What I want out of it, what other people seem to want out of it, and so on. My interest in the show itself is falling so low that sometimes I cannot fathom why I'm still in the fandom—I don't think I've ever felt like this about the source material before without actually leaving. I really thought S3 was bad, and I think S4 is better, so far, but if this were S1 I'd probably drift away before mid-season, it just doesn't match up with my interests very well. And yet I'm still here and I like being here, and it's because the core idea of the show, the universe, the first two seasons, the characters, and the stories I've put them in within my own head, are all so dear to me that I remain actively invested in something. It isn't the source material, isn't the community really (I'm an unknown that's all I mean, and I don't interact with people really bc I'm shy—this isn't an insult to the people in fandom). It isn't the fandom in the sense that stuff-that-concerns-the-fandom-as-a-whole doesn't concern me. And yet, for whatever reason, I'm still here. My very niche fandom interests keep me around. And it's just so bizarro to me.