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chvoswxtch · 2 years ago

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tell me i'm wrong

pairing: matt murdock x fem!reader

summary: you've been dancing around your feelings for matt murdock for over a year. what happens when he confronts you about it?

warnings: cursing, drinking, some fluff, explicit sexual content (minors dni)

word count: 7.5k

a/n: no one asked for this. this is purely me being a selfish slut for matt murdock. friendly reminder that if sexual content or smut makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip this! as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

I slipped the key into the lock and turned it quietly, quickly letting myself in and gently closing the door behind me. After twisting the lock back into place, I made my way down the entryway and turned the corner to head straight for the fridge. The light from inside was the only illumination coating the otherwise dark apartment apart from the quick flashes of light from the giant billboard outside the window of the living room. I let out a huff as I scanned my alcohol choices, standing up on my tiptoes to see if there were any better options on top of the fridge. No such luck. I was about to reach for one of the shitty beers inside when a voice cut through the silence.

“What are you doing?”

I screamed as I spun around, slamming the refrigerator door shut with my back as I braced myself against it. I squinted my eyes to see the shadowy silhouette of a figure sitting on the couch. I ran a shaky hand over my face, attempting to get my breathing back under control.

“Jesus Christ, Matt. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I live here.”

“I realize that, smartass. I thought you’d be out..doing your..thing.”

“It’s still early.”

“I didn’t realize criminals followed the designated hours allotted for illegal activity.”

I could hear him snicker, and I just knew he had that stupid smirk on his face. I had known Matt Murdock for a little over a year after I started working as an assistant at his firm along with Karen. After a few high profile cases, they were getting more clients than they could keep track of and needed the extra help. Thus started my complicated relationship with Matt Murdock. Well, it wasn’t really complicated. I complicated it. I immediately developed a crush on him, and he was a flirty little shit that only made it worse. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if he knew what he was doing, or if he was doing it on purpose.

I had accidentally found out about his nighttime activities two months ago when I walked in on him changing out of his costume. He hadn’t shown up to the office that day, and Foggy kept insisting he was probably fine, just sick, but I couldn’t let it go. New York was a dangerous city, and Matt was blind. Or, so I thought. I had used my key he had given me for emergencies and let myself in, calls of his name dying on my tongue when I saw him standing in the middle of the living room with his helmet in his hands. Suddenly, everything kinda clicked. He was always running off at odd times, bailing on drinks after work, constantly not answering calls or texts, and there were always bruises and cuts popping up he would make simple excuses for.

We had both stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. There were a million thoughts swirling around in my head. I honestly didn’t know if I was surprised or pissed. Panic was evident on his face as he approached me slowly, like he was terrified I would bolt if he moved too fast, and had both of his hands held up in front of him.

“I..I know how this looks.”

“It looks like you’re going to be late for court. Get dressed and move your ass, Murdock. I’ll deal with you later.”

For once Matt Murdock had been rendered speechless, and I took pride in that. That charming fucker always had something to say, always had to have the last word. Even though I had promised him we would talk later, I avoided him like my life depended on it. I didn’t show up to his place later that night. I ignored every single one of his calls and texts. I called in sick for two days. I wanted him to know how it felt, to worry, and to be on the other side of a broken promise. To have absolutely no idea what was going on. A piece of me felt betrayed. I know I didn’t have a right to feel that way. Matt was my boss, and sort of my friend, but he owed me nothing. Especially not a secret like that. But still, it stung. I felt like I had been lied to the entire time I had known him.

He had showed up at my apartment that second night I didn’t come to work, letting himself in through the window. I had a feeling he would. He wasn’t known for his patience. Although I must admit I was a little disappointed he didn’t show up in costume. I was on my third glass of wine and feeling brave, swirling the burgundy contents in my glass as I stared over at him.

“Tell me, how does a blind guy climb up a fire escape? Or are you even really blind?”

“I told you about my accident.”

“You did. But how am I supposed to determine what comes out of your mouth is true and what’s bullshit?”

“I..it’s complicated.”

“Then spell it out for me.”

Matt had finally given me the truth. He came clean about everything, about his heightened senses, about how he was trained as a kid, when he decided to become what he was. I still didn’t fully understand how he was able to do what he did, but I tried not to push it too far. In an odd way, it made things better between us. He didn’t lie anymore about what he was really up to, he promised to keep us updated on where he was going in case something went wrong, and he always promised to be careful. His suit and helmet may have been damn near indestructible, but he was still human underneath. While I knew he could handle himself, I had seen the video evidence, I still worried about him. And every night for the past two months, I found myself unable to fall asleep until I got the one message I had made him promise to send me every night.

I’m home.

“Are you just here for my beer?”

“I was hoping for something a little stronger, but I guess I’ll have to settle.”

“Wow, stealing from a blind guy. Have you no morals?”

“Hey, I was gonna leave a twenty on the counter.”

“How generous of you.”

“Do me a favor next time you do a beer run, get something good. Not this German shit. I’m talking Mexican Lager, maybe a little beer salt, some limes. Be considerate of those who raid your stash while you’re out making the world a better place.”

I twisted the top off the bottle and threw it into the trash, making my way over to sit down on the couch opposite the one Matt was sitting on. I could see him better from this spot. The light from the billboard made the red of his glasses almost glow. I rarely ever saw Matt not in his lawyer gear, or his other suit. It was refreshing to see him in a black tshirt, that looked like it had been dried one too many times, and a pair of dark gray sweatpants. He looked..cozy.

“Can I ask you something?”

“I feel like even if I say no, you’re going to anyway.”

Matt pursed his lips into a pout of contempt. I had been getting fed up with his teasing, so I decided to start dishing it right back. It was kinda fun to get him all riled up for a change.

“Go ahead.”

“You’ve been..oddly calm about all of this. I mean..even from the moment you found me in the suit. I was expecting you to-”

“Freak out?”

“Well, yeah. Or at the very least, lecture me. I got an earful from Foggy when he found out.”

Matt had sat up a little straighter, resting his elbows on his knees as he clasped his hands in front of him. There was a time when I thought I could shamelessly stare at him without fear of being caught damn near drooling. In the beginning, I did. I didn’t panic when he turned his head towards me, because I didn’t think he could see me. I didn’t think I was getting caught. Of course after Matt had told me the truth about his abilities, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole realizing that he had been aware the entire fucking time.

Letting out a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair and took another sip from the beer.

“You’re a grown man, Matt. Nothing I say or do is going to change your mind. You’re going to do what you want regardless of what any of us say.”

“Yeah but..you’re the only one that’s a little..warmer to the idea. You’ve had no apprehensions about it, not once. You don’t think it’s wrong?”

“I’m not exactly the person you should be asking that.”

“Why not?”

“Because my moral compass isn’t exactly as straight as everyone else's.”

“I want to know what you really think. You’ve been holding back.”

“Does it matter?”

“It does to me.”

“Aren’t you Catholic? Shouldn’t you only worry about what God thinks?”

“He’s..a little hard to get a hold of sometimes.”

“She.”

Matt perked his head up, a slight chuckle leaving his mouth as he looked over at me incredulously.

“I thought you weren’t religious?”

“I’m not. But if there is a God, she’s a woman.”

“Fair enough.”

There was no easy way to get out of a conversation with Matt Murdock. Once he had his teeth sunk into something, there was no letting go. My choices were to give in and give him what he wanted, or deal with his relentless pestering until he got it. I let out another deep sigh as I leaned back into his stupid expensive comfy couch.

“I know there’s an idealistic part of you that thinks the system works. But I also know there’s a more realistic side of you that can acknowledge that often, it fails. If you didn’t feel that way, you wouldn’t be running around rooftops in your little red number every night. I don’t believe in absolutes. I don’t think there’s just good and evil, or black and white; there’s a lot of gray area. I guess..that’s where you come in.”

“So, you don’t think it’s wrong?”

“The short answer? No.”

“But you feel for them.”

“You forget I come from a family of criminals.”

“But you didn’t end up like them.”

“Because I chose not to. That doesn’t mean I’m not sympathetic. I got lucky. I made my own choice. Some of those people out there..feel like they don’t have one. So yeah, maybe you get them put away and they’re out in a week or a month, but that’s a week or a month they have time to make a choice of their own. And if they make the wrong one, then you’ll be there. Look, I don’t like that you’re out there every night putting your life, and your career, at risk. But I also get why you do it. There are those assholes who think they’re above the law because they pay the ones that enforce it to work in their favor. So if they lie under oath, it’s only fair they get to meet the Devil.”

“You worry about me?”

There was that signature, shit-eating grin on his face. God he was insufferable sometimes. I wanted to climb across this coffee table and smack it off, but he would probably have me pinned down before I had a chance. On second thought..might not be such a bad idea. I groaned in exasperation, finishing off the bottle in my hand.

“Yes, Matthew. I worry about you, alright? Sue me.”

“I know a good lawyer.”

“Oh fuck off. Look, can we save our Hallmark moment? Or do you feel the need to milk it for all it’s worth?”

Every single one of his stupid perfect white teeth were on display as he grinned widely at me, his broad shoulders moving slightly with every snicker that came from his chest. Matthew Murdock had to be the most infuriating man I had ever met. It was like he lived to tease and test my patience.

A comfortable silence washed over us after a while. My thumb lightly brushed over the label on the bottle as I stared out the window, thinking about what might be waiting out there for Matt tonight. No matter how much I didn’t want to, my mind always drifted to him. I was constantly thinking about him. My thoughts often wandered to the night he had told me the truth, about everything.

That night, realization dawned on me like the first sun after a long winter. He knew. He knew all along that I had been watching him, staring shamelessly. He always heard the way my heartbeat quickened whenever he entered the room, or was suddenly close to me. He could feel the rise in temperature in my cheeks from his lighthearted flirting. He knew..but never said anything. Never acted on it. After his confession, I crossed off the possibility that he had no idea what he was doing to me. Maybe it was really all a game to him.

“What is it?”

“Huh?”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing.”

“I don’t know why you still bother trying to lie when you know I can tell when you are. Besides, I can practically hear the words buzzing in your head.”

“Okay, your hearing isn’t that good. And I’m gonna keep practicing my lying skills until one day even I can trick the human lie detector, Matthew Murdock.”

“Lie detectors actually don’t work very well. They’re kind of bullshit.”

Normally I wouldn’t concede in our banter so easily, but it was getting late and I was exhausted. I was also completely on edge knowing at any second, Matt was going to subject himself to the violent dangers of Hell’s Kitchen leaving me a mess of anxiety waiting on that one message that would finally put me at ease.

“Come on, talk to me. I still got some time to kill. Tell me what’s going on in that little head of yours.”

I racked my brain for anything I could use along the lines of what was running through my head without completely giving myself away. I curled up into the side of his couch, resting my hand on my palm as I looked over at him.

“What..what do you see, exactly? I know you kind of explained it to me..but I’m just curious. I mean is it like..sonar? Shadows or shapes? White noise?”

“It’s more like..a world on fire.”

“Well that sounds..pleasant.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why do you ask?”

Shit. I tapped my nail lightly against the side of the bottle, shrugging my shoulders a bit now that I knew he could tell when I did that.

“I’m just..trying to understand. Foggy..um..he always says that you always know when girls are pretty so..I guess I was just wondering what you saw. When you look at people, I mean. You can..see them.”

“Short answer, yes. In my own way, I can tell what people look like.”

Maybe that was it. Maybe he could see me, and wasn’t impressed. Maybe he didn’t think I was as pretty as all his other girlfriends and that’s why he never said anything. Leave it to me to not even be a blind guy’s “type”. It certainly wasn’t because we worked together. That didn’t stop him and Karen, which was a painfully awkward conversation to have with her once she found out about my infatuation with him.

“I know that you’re pretty.”

My head snapped in Matt’s direction and I expected to see his usual stupid smirk coating his lips, but he was just smiling. A real, genuine smile. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Was this a trick?

“What?”

“I said I think you’re pretty.”

“Oh..Foggy tell you that? You know you can’t trust his judgment after tequila.”

The smile on his mouth only stretched further as he shook his head slowly, bracing his palms on his knees.

“No, I can tell for myself.”

I didn’t know what to say. Matt had never called me pretty before. He flirted with me like it was his own personal mission from God, but I never thought he actually found me attractive. I didn’t know he could. I promptly became self conscious of the fact that I was wearing a flimsy tank top with a cropped zip up hoodie and a pair of leggings that had small holes forming on the inner thighs where they had been worn down. I didn’t think he was going to be here, so I didn’t bother with changing. I had never had a reason to be self conscious about my appearance with Matt before. But now I knew that he could see me, and thought that I was pretty.

“Does that bother you?”

“What?”

Matt rose from his spot on the couch, taking careful steps around the coffee table until he could take his place right beside me. If he moved even a centimeter closer, his knee would brush against mine.

“Does it bother you that I think you’re pretty?”

“Oh..um..n-no. But..you knew that already..right?”

“I wanted to hear you say it.”

Matt was closer in proximity than he ever had been before, and the scent of his cologne was intoxicating. I had to stop myself from leaning in to nuzzle his neck. His large hands were braced against his thighs, as if he was waiting for something. I loved Matt’s hands. I knew what they were capable of, but I wanted to know what they could do to me.

“How does it make you feel?”

“What?”

“That I think you’re pretty. How does it make you feel?”

“Matt-”

“Don’t be shy, Y/N. Be a good girl and tell me how it makes you feel.”

Good girl. Those two words went straight to my core and caused me to press my thighs together tightly, which did not go unnoticed by Matt. He noticed fucking everything. His eyebrows rose slightly above his crimson colored glasses, that familiar smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Oh, did you like that?”

I didn’t know if my frustration was purely sexual or just due to Matt being a cocky son of a bitch but I couldn’t stand to be around him for another second. I hadn’t eaten since lunch so I was pathetically buzzed off of one beer, further intoxicated by the scent of his cologne that had weaved its way through my lungs, and internally begging to hear more filthy words fall from his graceful lips in that dangerously low voice. As much as my body was screaming for his touch, my brain reminded me just how much he pissed me off. I slammed my empty bottle on the table as I stood.

“I am so fucking over your little games, Murdock.”

Matt’s hand darted out in a flash to grip onto my wrist, not hard enough to leave a mark, but just enough to let me know I wasn’t leaving. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I looked down at him and swallowed thickly. There was a somewhat pained look on his face and his jaw clenched slightly.

“Don’t. It’s not a game.”

Without warning, he pulled me down onto his lap with an ease that caused a sharp gasp to fall from my lips at just how strong he was. His arm snaked around my back, trapping me against his firm chest so that our faces were merely an inch apart. I flattened my palms against his chest, not like I could push him away even if I really tried. I could feel his warm breath fanning over my lips.

“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that I read this all completely wrong, and you can walk out that door, and we can pretend that this never happened. I won’t bring it up again, I swear. But if you do want this..God, I need to know.”

My heart was pounding so loudly in my ears it was deafening. I wondered what it must sound like to him. To me, it must have resembled a hummingbird fluttering around in a cage. But for Matt, it had to be far more intense, like a marching band plowing right through my ribcage. I reached up with trembling hands, grabbing onto the sides of Matt’s glasses and gently pulled them off of his face.

I always thought Matt’s eyes were beautiful. There were swirls of deep caramel intermingled with honey golden embers and splashed with tiny flecks of jade. He brought his other hand down to rest on my waist, his thumb pressing light circles against my hip bone through the fabric of my leggings. God did I want to kiss him. I wanted to throw caution to the wind, bite the bullet and finally get what I had been craving since that first day.

But fear crept into the back of my mind and turned my blood cold. What did this mean? What would it change? Would I be just another shiny new toy that Matt would discard in a month once he got bored? I didn’t think I had the grace to carry on with business as usual like Karen had. This would change everything for me. There would be an entirely different rendition of “normal” if we crossed this line, and I had no idea what it meant to Matt.

“Let it go for tonight.”

“Let what go?”

“Everything you’re worrying about right now. I promise whatever happens, you and I will work it out together tomorrow morning. Line by line.”

“Matt..”

“Tell me you want this, Y/N.”

“You can hear my heart.”

“I want to hear you say it. I need to hear you say it. Please.”

My mind was swimming with curiosities and consequences. I could give in. I could relinquish complete control and finally get to have Matt Murdock like I had been dreaming about since we first met. And even if the flame burns out too quickly for my liking, at least I’ll always be able to remember this night. And if I don’t, I could spend the rest of my life wondering what I had missed out on. Agonizing if I had made a mistake. Which was worse? To have a little taste, or nothing at all?

“I..I want this. I want you, Matt.”

In an instant his lips were crashing onto mine, grabbing onto the back of my neck to pull me impossibly closer. Our teeth and tongues thrashed together with insatiable hunger. Matt’s kisses were rough and needy and it lit a blaze within me. I had never wanted someone so badly. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and tugged my head to the side, granting himself full access to my neck. He left a burning trail of kisses down my neck and I whined when I felt his teeth sink into the juncture above my collarbone.

“Your scent drives me fucking crazy. Ever since you first stepped into the office..it was everywhere. It still fucking is. Doesn’t matter how many times I wash my clothes, how long it’s been since you’ve been in the office, or my apartment, your fucking scent is everywhere..and it goes straight to my cock. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to excuse myself to go fuck my hand in the bathroom like a horny fucking teenager because of you?”

“M-Matt..”

His fingers swiftly tugged at the zipper of my hoodie, shoving it down my shoulders and throwing it across the floor. He gripped the top of my tank top and ripped it completely in half like a piece of paper, carelessly discarding the scraps. A gasp of surprise left me but was completely cut off by a loud moan when Matt pulled me roughly down onto his lap.

“Can you feel that? Can you feel what you fucking do to me?”

I could feel the entire outline of Matt’s hardened bulge as he grabbed my hips, pulling me down even harder against him. I let my head fall back and moaned wantonly at the feeling of his hard on rubbing against me right where I wanted him. I was surprised he had actually unclasped my bra instead of ripping it off with all of my other clothing. My nipples instantly peaked from the rush of cool air and goosebumps littered my naked skin. My mouth hung open at the contrast of Matt’s warm large hands fondling my breasts, squeezing them roughly. His mouth latched onto one of my nipples, alternating between sucking and biting down on the sensitive flesh. He splayed one of his large hands flat against my back, keeping me in place so I couldn’t escape the delicious torture.

“I can fucking smell your arousal. I can smell how fucking soaked you are right now. Fuck..I can’t wait to tear you apart.”

I whined as I gripped at the collar of his shirt, giving it a light tug hoping he would get the hint. As he pulled his shirt off his head, I took the opportunity to rush forward and drag my tongue along the sharp outline of his jaw, nipping at the skin under his ear. He grunted as he suddenly shot up with me in his arms, turning slightly to drop me onto my back on the couch as he ripped my leggings down my thighs. I gulped as I watched him shove his sweats down, climbing onto the couch on his knees in front of me. He flashed me a devilish grin before sounds of seams ripping and tearing filled the ear. My mouth hung open in shock as I stared at the remnant shreds of my panties in his hand.

“Matt-”

Before I could register what was happening, he placed one of his large hands over my mouth and shoved two of his fingers into my soaking pussy. I whined against his hand, staring up at him above me with wide eyes.

“Shh, you’re gonna be a good girl for me, aren’t you? Gonna let me take what I want? Gonna let me use you like my own little whore, yeah?”

A fresh wave of arousal flooded between my thighs. The sweet, charming Matt Murdock was long gone. The devil had come out to play.

Matt wasted no time settling between my thighs, diving face first into my pussy like a man starved. I cried out in pleasure as he bit down on my clit, soothing it with his tongue before sucking on the sensitive nub without remorse. His beard burned as it rubbed against my thighs, but it felt so fucking good at the same time. One of his hands clamped down on my thigh to keep it spread and he locked my hips down in place with his arm so I couldn’t move at all. All I could do was lie there and take it as he took what he wanted. As he worked me over with his tongue, his fingers explored deep inside of me, curling up upon exit every now and then and brushing against that special spot. I wasn’t going to last.

“Matt..M-Matt fuck..I..I’m g-”

I nearly cried when he roughly retracted his fingers and removed his mouth. I shot up instantly to reach out for him, face contorted in annoyance and ready to protest. His hand suddenly wrapped around my throat, squeezing just enough to get me to stay still. A warning. I grabbed onto his wrist with both of my hands. My entire body felt like it was on fire. His lips were red and swollen, and coated with my wetness that was dripping down his chin. The smirk on his lips grew more wicked by the second.

“I didn’t say you could come. You don’t get to come unless it’s on my cock, understand? You have to earn it. You have to prove to me that you’re a good girl, and beg for it. If I even think you’re going to come without permission, I will tie you up and leave you here all fucking night. Tell me you understand.”

“I..I u-understand.”

“Good.”

I sucked in a deep breath when Matt let go of my neck. His large hands gripped my hips savagely and he flipped me over without hesitation onto my stomach. He shoved his knee in between my thighs to spread them apart, pulling me up onto my knees so that my ass was straight up in the air. I whined loudly when I felt the sting of his palm slapping harshly against my ass. I didn’t have to turn around to know there would be a perfect outline of his hand. I could hear the rustling of clothing behind me as he shoved his briefs down his muscular thighs.

“Give me your hands.”

I swallowed thickly as I turned my head slightly so that my face was flush against the cushion of the couch, reaching my hands behind my back. Matt took both of my wrists into one of his hands, holding them firmly against my back. I surged forward and cried out when he abruptly shoved the head of his cock into my needy pussy. He didn’t give me time to adjust and before I knew it I could feel his hips against my ass as he fully sheathed himself inside me. I heard a guttural groan rip through his chest behind me and it went straight to my core.

“Fuck..you’re even fucking tighter than I thought you’d be. Gripping my cock so fucking good.”

Matt’s thrusts were rigorous and unrelenting as he pounded into me. My body surged forward with every powerful snap of his hips. I had never been fucked like this before. My head was spinning and it was becoming more and more difficult to stay up on my knees with the pace Matt was fucking me at. I felt him grab a large fistful of my hair, yanking me backwards so that my back was arched even more. I moaned sharply at the new angle that allowed him to drive deeper inside of me. He was so big and thick, and it burned delectably everytime he pushed in further.

“M-Matt..please..please I-I can’t..”

“Gonna come already? Don’t be a greedy slut. I’m not done yet.”

“I c-can’t..c-can’t hold it..”

“You better fucking find a way to hold it.”

I didn’t want him to stop. I didn’t think I could handle it if he stopped. I needed him. I dug my nails so hard into my palms I thought they would bleed. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying my hardest not to combust. I clenched my pussy around his length which earned a luscious groan from deep within his chest.

“Fuck angel..you want it that bad, don’t you? Want me to fill this pretty little cunt up?”

“Yes, yes, yes..please..please-fuck..”

Matt let go of my hair and moved his hand between my thighs, beginning to rub his fingers over my clit at a brutal pace. I jerked back against him and nearly screamed at the contact, feeling that band within me dangerously close to snapping.

“Go ahead, angel. Come for me. Let go, and don’t you fucking hold back. I want it all.”

My thighs shook as my orgasm hit me like a tsunami, leaving my body a convulsing mess against him. I moaned his name over and over like a prayer, grinding my ass back against him as I tried to survive the aftershocks. Matt moaned loudly as he spilled inside of me with a vengeance, leaning forward over my back to clamp his teeth down on my shoulder. I whimpered softly as I felt his tongue brush over the spot to soothe the pain.

I cried out again when I felt his length slip out of me, only to be replaced by his fingers as he cupped my pussy, keeping his release inside of me. His hot breath fanned over my ear as he nipped at it, speaking lowly in a gravely tone.

“Don’t think I’m fucking done with you yet.”

I whimpered at his words and nearly fell apart all over again. It wasn’t a threat, it was a promise. Matt maneuvered me back onto his lap, spreading my thighs on the opposite sides of his. As fast as he withdrew his fingers from me, he was pulling me down onto his half hard cock until he bottomed out inside of me. My mouth hung wide open and I wanted to scream at the sensation, but I couldn’t speak. I could feel him everywhere. I had never felt so full and so whole.

“You gotta earn this one, angel. Show me how good of a girl you can be.”

Matt wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, caging me against his chest once again. My thighs burned and felt like jelly, I wasn’t even sure if I could move. I didn’t know if it was my own desire or my need to please Matt, but somehow I found my strength. I grabbed onto his broad shoulders for support, beginning to rock my hips back and forth slowly. I whined from the sensitivity, leaning in to bury my face into the crook of his neck.

“That’s it..just like that. Look so pretty when you’re taking my cock, angel.”

The embers had been reignited and the fire began to grow within my belly once more. I took the opportunity to leave open-mouthed kisses along his neck, sucking softly at the nape of it. The breathy little moans that left his lips only spurred me on further. I bit down gently on his neck and heard him hiss, roughly digging his fingertips into the flesh of my hips. I couldn’t wait to see the marks he had left on me tomorrow. I wanted to make one of my own.

I sucked aggressively at the skin just above his collarbone, testing my luck as I bit down harder than I had before. I gasped when I felt his hand wrap around my throat again, bringing our faces closer together as the corner of his lips curled up in a snarl.

“Did I say you get to fucking tease?”

“N-no..I’m sorry..”

“Then what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I..I just wanted..wanted t-to make you f-feel good too..”

“You wanna make me feel good? Ride my fucking cock.”

Matt smacked his hand against my ass sharply, earning another loud moan from me. His grip on my waist tightened as he leaned back against the cushions to stare at me. I bit down on my lip hard, starting to move my hips in slow figure eights. I was trying so hard to keep a steady pace, but I couldn’t focus. My body felt weak and my brain was erratic from how turned on I was. Matt’s patience wore thin as he held me steady and began to snap his hips up into mine repeatedly, causing me to bounce on his cock at an unforgiving pace. I squeezed my eyes shut and threw my head back, digging my nails into his shoulder as I held on.

“Oh fuck..fuck fuck fuck..fuck Matt!”

The apartment was filled with sounds of his thighs slapping against my ass, his cock pistoning inside of my gushing pussy, and the violent growls that rang from his throat. I felt like he might actually tear me apart, and God what a way to fucking go. I grabbed onto the back of his neck tightly, pressing my forehead against his as I moaned even louder. I was gonna break.

“M-Matt..I..I..”

“Come. Come all over my fucking cock, angel. Let me have it.”

I crushed my chest against his, holding onto him as tightly as I could as my second orgasm tore through my body with retribution. I was a screaming, incoherent mess as wave after wave of pleasure racked through me. I could feel Matt’s hips stutter slightly as he came with a loud grunt, coating my walls with ropes of warmth once again. My heart pounded violently in my chest and I struggled to take in oxygen. I was shaking in Matt’s arms as he held me, nearly on the verge of tears. I had never felt so good.

Matt gently ran his fingers through my hair, brushing it out of my face as he pressed a soft kiss to the side of my head. He lightly trailed his fingertips up and down my spine slowly, brushing his nose along the curve of my jaw until his lips were on mine. His kisses continued along my neck as he whispered softly in my ear.

“Can you give me one more baby?”

I started to panic. I didn’t know if I could physically or mentally take one more. I whimpered as I hid my face in Matt’s neck, tightening my grip on his back.

“Matt..I don’t-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ll help you. Just one more for me, baby. You can do it, I know you can.”

Matt slowly lifted us off the couch, his arms wrapped tightly around me and his length still settled inside of me as he carried me into his bedroom and laid me down gently on the bed. He kept himself inside of me the entire time. I panted softly as I looked up at him. He placed his hands on either side of my head, a soft smile on his lips as he leaned down to brush our noses together.

“I’m gonna go slow, okay?”

He gently pulled my legs up to wrap around his waist, taking one of my hands and intertwining our fingers together as he held it by my head. The way he was looking at me made butterflies erupt in my stomach, and I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. The devil had his fun, now my sweet, charming Matt Murdock was back. He kissed me gingerly as he began to lazily move our hips together.

My entire body felt like a live wire and every time our hips connected it sent a jolt of electricity through me that made me wanna scream. It just felt so good. I couldn’t stop the tears that slipped down my cheeks or the sobs of pleasure that sounded from my lips. Matt pressed his forehead against mine as he lightly brushed the tears away with his thumb.

“I know baby..I know. I feel it too. I’ve wanted this for so long Y/N..wanted you for so long. God, you have no idea. You belong with me, Y/N.”

I didn’t trust myself to speak. I didn’t know if I could tell you my own fucking name if you had asked right then. The only thing I could focus on was Matt and how perfectly we fit. I squeezed his hand tightly, feeling myself being brought closer and closer to the edge with every stroke. Matt leaned in to capture my lips in a passionate kiss. I reveled in the feeling of his body weight on top of me. It felt right. I felt safe.

“Matt..”

“I know, baby. You’re doing so well for me..so so well. I’m so proud of you, angel. Just a little longer baby, I’m almost there. Can you hold on for me just a little longer? Gonna make you feel so good baby, I promise.”

I could hardly hear Matt’s saccharine voice as my third orgasm of the night was steadily approaching. Matt gripped onto the sheets beside my head and sped his pace up just a bit. I didn’t have time to warn him, but he knew. He could feel it. He gently grabbed the back of my neck and pressed his forehead to mine, his voice shaking as he spoke.

“Let go baby, let it all go. I’m right here. I’m right here..I got you. I’m right here, angel.”

My vision became fuzzy, somewhat resembling the inside of a kaleidoscope, and I thought I was going to black out. It was like a bomb inside me had exploded, sending fragments flying that left me shaking uncontrollably. Euphoria rushed over me in unrelenting phases, and it felt like I was free falling throughout space. Matt Murdock had completely ruined me. It took several minutes before I came back down into coherency.

As my vision came back into focus, I could see Matt still hovering above me. He was lightly brushing his thumb across my cheekbone in a loving gesture, a small smile languidly forming on his lips.

“There you are. I missed you.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, turning my head to lean further into Matt’s touch. I was still trying to regain my bearings as I breathed heavily. Matt leaned down to press gentle kisses to my forehead, cheeks, nose, and lips. He slid his length out me as carefully as he could, but even just the brush of his pubic hair against my overstimulated clit sent another jolt through me and tears pricked at the corner of my eyes again. I whimpered as I could feel a rush of warmth between my thighs where his three rounds of release had begun to spill.

“I’m sorry, angel. I know. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna get you some water.”

I couldn’t move. It felt like there were invisible cinder blocks all over my body holding me down. No one had ever made me come like that, let alone three times in a row. Matt emerged a moment later with his briefs slung low on his hips, a glass of water and a small towel in hand. He sat down beside me, weaving his arm around my back to hold me up against his chest as he brought the glass to my lips.

“Here, baby. Drink as much as you can.”

Once he was satisfied with my water intake, he began to cautiously clean me up with the warm towel. I gripped onto his arm when he touched me where I was sensitive, to which he kissed my temple as a silent apology. He hooked his arms under my knees and back, shifting me over onto the part of the bed that wasn’t drenched with our release. As he laid down beside me, he carefully swung my leg over his waist and held me tightly against his chest.

I could finally hear his heartbeat for once with my head on his chest. It was fast, but steady and strong. I lightly traced my fingertips along the scars that covered his skin. The action quickly sobered me up as I glanced out the window, wondering how late it was.

“Matt?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you..still going out?”

“No. I used all my fighting bad guy energy to fuck you senseless.”

I immediately blushed and hid my face into his neck, lightly slapping at his chest.

“Matthew!”

“What?”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“And you’re beautiful.”

My breath caught in my throat at his words. That was what had started all of this. Those little words had jumpstarted the best night of my entire life. But I couldn’t stop myself from letting my mind wander about how long this night would actually last. His words from earlier echoed loudly in my mind. You belong with me, Y/N.

“Did you mean it?”

“When I said you’re beautiful?”

“No..when you said..I belong with you.”

Matt turned his head slightly so that he was facing me, cupping my cheek in his large hand while his thumb lightly ghosted over my bottom lip.

“I meant it.”

There were so many questions I had, I couldn’t keep track. How was this going to work? How could it work? What if it ended badly? What if something happened to Matt? I was completely exhausted both physically and mentally, and every question that popped into my head only made me feel more lightheaded. I knew Matt could hear my heartbeat going frantic again when he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.

“Hey, I told you. We’ll figure it out in the morning. Together. Alright?”

“Alright.”

“Get some rest, angel. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

I had no idea what tomorrow morning would bring, but at least I could take comfort in knowing that I was waking up in Matt’s arms. We would figure it out, together, line by line. And oh, it was definitely fucking better to have a little taste than nothing at all.

#matt murdock #matt murdock x y/n #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x fem!reader #matt murdock x female reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock smut #matt murdock fic #daredevil #daredevil smut #daredevil fic #foggy nelson #karen page

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i-writes-things · 3 years ago

Text

Family Dinner.

Peter Parker x Teen!reader

Summary- Y/n skips family dinner to hang out with a good friend

Warnings- Swearing

Extra Pairings::

Natasha x Adopted!daughter!reader

Not my Gif*

--------------------------------------------------------

Unless you had schoolwork, you attended family dinner. This had been common knowledge from the second you were adopted.

You had never thought anything would happen if you did, but you didn't dare try it out, until....

[5:46]

"What's the plan for dinner?" Tony's voice rang through the silent room, except for Vision and Wanda quiet talking

"So, take-out? Come on guys I need verbal agreement here!" He joked aloud to the few people that were in the kitchen with him

"Hazzah!" Came Thor voice from the next room, as he walked in

"So? Yes?" Tony ask confused

"Yes! Hazzah!" Thor exclaims "On my planet 'Hazzah' has the same effect as 'yes' " He laughs

While everyone was probably getting ready for dinner you had homework.

Ew homework, but it had to be done so why not skip dinner, Sam and Bucky always annoy you about boys anyway...

After 2 full pages of math, and a way too in-depth question about your summer reading book, you had finish homework for the day

Finally being done with school work, you walked over to check your phones few notifications

[Peter Parker - Hey, I am not going to dinn... 5:56]

[Mom - Y/n/n, dinner will be here in 30 mi... 5:43]

[Reminder - FAMILY DINNER (seeing pet... 4:00]

Clicking on Peter's text and unlocking your phone you see why he was not going to dinner

Peter Parker: Hey, I am not going to dinner. Mr Stark asked if I would do patrol tonight. Of course I couldn't say no to him, I'll see you after school tomorrow!

You texted him back

Y/n: Come by the Tower real quick. My room.

He texts you back a few minutes later

Peter Parker: Ok, I can't stay long.

Y/n: Neither can I.

You get up off your bed and pack your school things back into your already heavy backpack, as it is leaned against the wall you hear a tapping from behind you

'That was fast' You thought

---

After Peter had climbed through the window and took his Spiderman mask off, you finally spoke

"Hey" "Hiya" Peter responded happily

"How's Patrol?" "Eh, not much, I did save someone's pet snake though, named fluffy, so theres that." He responds awkwardly

"oh, well fluffy is a good name." You say trying to keep the conversation moving

"Yup." He says

You notice Peter nervously looking all around your room

"So what's it like on Patrol?" You had never been, per your mother's request

Peter finally looked at you "Oh uh, usually alot of waiting around, stopping crimes, um.." He stopped in thought "Once I took a photo with a little kid, and another time I got someone there bike back! I usually just swing around til I find someone to help!" He says happily to you

You smile at him slightly "Well, that sounds fun"

"Yeah you should go sometime" Peter suggests causally

"Really?" "Yeah." "What about right now?"

His eyes go a little wide and a small smile grows on his face, as he stumbles his words "Y- yeah- Of course, I mean, what about your mom?"

You shrug your shoulders "She doesn't need to know.." Peter gives you a confused look

"Um, are you sure?" He asks

You look at him a little annoyed "Yes. Come on we'll be back before Dinner even starts.."

----

[6:04]

Natasha walked into the room and sat next to Steve. While Bruce, Tony, Wanda, Vision, Thor and Sam were already there, all sitting and talking in the living room right next to the kitchen

"What are we getting for dinner?" Natasha quietly asks Steve

"Chinese, where is Y/n?" Steve asks her, putting his arm around Nat

"Homework, she should be down soon. I texted her about dinner." She answers him and slightly leans into his touch

-----

"woohooo..." You shout as your grip on peters neck tightened. The rush of the wind flew past you both so fast you could barely hear your own voice, let alone the traffic below you both

Peter zigzagged between buildings and swung fast through the opening in the middle of one especially tall building

"aaahhh" You felt your heart drop every time Peter let go of a web before shooting a new one

The adrenaline rush made the trip a little less stressful but it was quite fun while it lasted

All of a sudden all the motion had stopped and Peter was setting you down back on your feet. You both stood on top of a tall building, looking out you could see everything from there, the Avengers Tower still in sight, on the other side of New York City, The Empire State Building, The Statue of Liberty in the green water straight ahead and the setting sun from across the water

"woah.." Was the only thing you could say, that was the only thing that came to your mind

"Right," Peter said looking out on the setting sun with all the beautiful colors that came with it

You both shared the nice moment together, looking out on the beautiful view, light wind blowing behind you and Peter, you had never really looked at sky too much, but now you wanted to forget about dinner and look at sunset for the rest of the night

"I love it up here," He says looking out on the view and moving his eyes to land on you "with you.." Peter said sincerely

"What..?" You asked him confused

Peter, after finally registering what he had just said tries to cover it all up "Well I just mean't- You and I- It's nice to, to share the view with someone else.." He said awkwardly slow, looking anywhere but you

You looked away in shock

------

[6:12]

Tony gets up to go pay for dinner down in the lobby, as Bucky and Thor walked back in laughing there heads off

"What's so funny, you old farts?" Sam asks them both

"Thor, if I can ask, where have you gone off too? You were here earlier, agreeing with Mr. Stark about dinner." Vision asks him inquisitively

Thor looks over at him slightly confused and them remembers quickly

"Ah! Yes I was told to go and fetch Mr Silver Arm over here!" He exclaims with a chuckle and puts a friendly arm around Bucky, pulling him into a slight choke hold

Bucky looks at him and just starts laughing harder and Thor follows his actions quickly laughing

"What's so funny, meatheads?" Sam asks them again

Thor finally stops enough to explain to Sam

"We have just witnessed a great humorous experience!"

"About what?" Bruce asks him

"Sir Clint is unable to leave one of the Air Ventilation units" Thors gives a loud laugh

"So he got himself stuck?" Natasha asks him almost concerned

"Yes, M'lady Natasha, He is quite stuck in the Air Ventilation. Drinks anyone?" Thors asks the room happily

Natasha however stands up hurriedly to go help her friend

"I'm going to find that Idiot.." Natasha said lovely to Steve, leaving the room, abandoning him on the couch

-------

"I guess we should be getting back.." Peter says feeling embarrassed

You look back over at him "Are you sure? We have at least 10 more minutes, dinner is always later than whatever Tony usually says it is.." You say quickly trying to give Peter a point to sat a few more minutes

He nods and turns away from you walking to the other side of the buildings edge

You look back towards the setting sun trying to think of something you could say, to make him understand

"Peter." He turned and you were already looking at him

"I love it up here too, with you.." You said sincerely to him and you swear you could see his stature change as he slowly walked back to you

"really..?" He asked quietly

You give him a small smile and nodded

--------

[6:27]

"Have you guys seen Y/n?" Wanda asked the room after coming back from the bathroom

"The better question is, where is Peter... and Y/n?" Bucky asks inappropriately

Wanda rolls her eyes and Steve gets defensive

"Hey, Nat told me she was doing Homework. Peter wouldn't-" Tony cut Steve off

"Peter, actually is on Patrol for me, right about now.." Tony said defended the kids honor, as he walked in holding three large bags of Chinese food

"Well, either way, someone needs to let Y/n know that dinner is here" Wanda speaks up again

Steve starts to stand, when Natasha walks in with Clint in front of her "I'll go get Y/n, and Clint get yourself some water you Idiot." She glanced over at Steve and smiled then turned right back around to walk up to your room

"She's been calling me 'Idiot' since she found me" Clint comments

"That's because you are one, you Idiot." Bucky says steadily

Clint gives him a chuckle and heads for the Kitchen

---------

You lean away from Peter catching his eye "Your a good kisser, Parker" He smiled and responded "I know"

"what time is it?" You ask casually "6:40" "6:40?!" You almost shouted stepping away from him

"What?!" Peter asked in a panic

"What do you mean 'What?' I'm gonna be late! Now lets go!" You said in a panic

The swing home was less fulled with excitement and more fulled with stress and anxiety

It was [7:00] by the time you got back to the Tower and after deciding that Peter really needed to get back to Patrol, he just let you go in at the lobby

----------

[7:02]

The slow ride up the elevator to the Kitchen and the Living room was nerve racking the floors flew by way to fast

When it struck [Floor 25] you took a deep breath in and out as the sliding doors opened and you walked out, quickly running down the small hall and ever faster past the open doorway to the Kitchen/Living room trying to figure out what to do, obviously doing it the wrong way

"What was that?" Clint asks pointing with his knife towards the doorway suspiciously

"Hey- Was that Y/n?" Steve asks as he gets up from his dinner, making Natasha perk up and follows him out into the hall

You continue to run down the long hall not sure what to do

"Y/n." Natasha said your name sternly

You came to a halt a little ways down the hall and turned around slowly looking at her

"Hi mom" You said weakly

"Don't 'hi mom' me, where the hell have you been?" She crosses her arms over her chest "I was worried Y/n." She stared at you, walking over nearer to you

Steve decides that he should leave the two of you alone and goes back to his dinner

There was no chance in making up an excuse now

"I may or may not have gone on Patrol with Peter for a little while." You said quietly now looking at the ground

You could hear Natasha take a deep breath in and out

"And you didn't think it was necessary to let your mother know where you were going?" She asks you a little louder than you were talking before

"no." You felt embarrassed and wanted to leave

"Well then, I don't think you should be leaving the Tower til you understand that, while you live here, I need to know where you are going off too. Ok?"

You nod, feeling defeated

"I just don't want something to happen to you, Y/n. You know that many people could be after-"

"I know." You say flatly, unconsciously cut her off, she had told you that maybe a thousand times by now

"Ok, good." Her tone changes "Do you want some dinner?" She asks you softly

You take a moment but finally slowly nod Yes

"C'mere.." She says quietly and pulls you into a tight hug

You put your head in the crook in her neck, draping your arms around her neck

"I'm sorry." You finally say after a few moments

Natasha kisses your head "I know, I know.." She says softly as she sways the both you side to side

"Love you, Y/n."

"Love you."

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years ago

Text

Time Apart

CW: Trauma survivor, referenced noncon and assault, heavy internalized victim-blaming and self-loathing/anti-asexuality (Chris has serious issues from his conditioning around this)

(references events from this small series)

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

When Chris picks up his phone, it's not at all the message from Laken he expected to see. Not the kind of thing they've ever sent before.

He has to read it two times, then three. The letters swim and shake along with a dull pounding inside his head, but no matter how he tries to make them into other words - tell himself he must have misunderstood, must be missing something - they come back together the same in the end.

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

Each letter is as crisp and clean as a sterilized blade between each rib, one by one by one by one.

The words are a body blow. They're a hundred blows, beating him into a barely recognizable shattered shell of himself. It wasn't supposed to happen this way - it's been a bad few days, yeah, a bad week really, but until yesterday's fight it had never occurred to him that Laken might give up on him.

The fight was his fault, anyway.

He meant to apologize last night, but then Nova had come into his room, and he'd lost the rest of the night to lying next to Jake, trying to remember how to stop living inside his head again, how to stop being still.

He'd woke up this morning with his stomach doing butterfly flips inside him, nervous, but he'd really wanted to say he was sorry, for the fight, for all the weirdness lately. He'd wanted to apologize for being difficult.

Instead... he'd woken up to find a missed text from the night before, sent after he'd shoved Nova away but before he could stand to look at anything again.

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

There it sits.

He hasn't unlocked his phone yet. Instead, he keeps tapping the button to light up the screen, looking at the message preview that has all he needs to see. Lets it go dark again. As if one of these times he'll click and it'll say something else.

But it doesn't,

It just says the same damn thing.

I think you should spend time apart.

Not with me.

He's still staring at it when another one comes in. He feels the soft pulse of his phone in his hand, and the screen lights on its own.

LAKEN - NOW Did you see my message?

He thinks maybe Kauri had it easier when he was the age Chris is now. Back when Kauri carried on entire conversations in emoji form, letting the nuance and ambiguity take over, the recipient working through the meaning on their own. With this, each letter is merciless, each word is unmistakable. He can’t misunderstand it.

Can he?

He opens the phone with shaking fingers, types back yes, presses send, and turns his phone off.

Then he throws it at the wall.

He’s grateful for the heavy plastic case that makes it bounce off and drop to the floor without breaking. There's a strip on the back, textured and a soft purple, gray, white, and black. He rubs his fingers over it sometimes in class to keep himself from rocking and being distracting.

Now he just... stares at it.

Laken bought that for him. They bought the shirt he's wearing right now-

He yanks it off his head before he can think, balls up the soft fabric and throws it as well. It just sort of drifts pointlessly to the floor, a single eyeball from the print of a band he likes staring back at him.

Laken has ranted before about people who break up by text message, and Chris has to breathe through a physical ache in his chest that tightens every muscle at how awful he must be that they're not doing this face to face. How awful, how used-up, how shredded apart, how fucking pretty he is.

After all, he and Laken have been together for more than a year, and he still held perfectly still for Nova to touch him before he remembered how to move. After all, he’s a grown man who still cried and fell apart when Jake was hurt. After all, after all, after all...

He scrambles across the floor for his phone again, turns it back on. Part of him hopes he’ll see a new text saying they take it back, they didn’t mean it. Or just asking him to apologize for what he’d said that night before, for how he’d thrown their confusion over his reaction to something back at them, echoing out the way Kauri fights sometimes, talking about himself the way he thinks everyone else might be thinking about him, so he says the insult first and no one else gets to surprise him with it.

But there’s nothing new.

He manages to open the texts again, barely, and breathes in gasps, nearly pants, as he types out, you don’t want me at your place?

Not right now.

Is it because of what I can’t do?

It takes them a minute to answer. Every single second ticks by with a slowness Chris hasn’t felt since his days in the cold white room, tied down to stillness, forced to endure every minute that passed in perfect silence or to the soundtrack of his own tears and pleading for it to stop.

When they do respond, it’s just, it’s because of what you won’t do.

His breath catches in his throat. The ache in his head starts to pound harder, and he has to close his eyes against a sharp stab behind them.

What he won’t do.

They’ve never cared before. How-... how could they suddenly care now? The fight had only a little bit been about that, it’d really been about something else. About his nightmares, how he’s not sleeping, not seeing his friends, skipping therapy. It hadn’t even been about... that. About what Chris can do and what he can’t, in bed.

But that was the thing - the fight had started when Chris had flinched back from Laken’s touch to his back, and snapped at them, and accused them of wanting too much, and...

And now this.

It’s like they knew about Nova. Knew that he could be good just fine - better than fine, Handler Petrus said he was one of the best he’d ever worked with once - he just... wouldn’t. Won’t. Doesn’t want to. Never wanted to.

Can’t do it without tearing himself to pieces all over again.

It was always a scream inside his mind, but should he have pushed it down and tried harder to be more like everyone else? Is he losing Laken because of it? Did Nova pick up on something Chris himself doesn’t know?

Should he have... tried?

Even if it hurt?

He drops the phone again, then kicks it viciously under his bed, listening to the scrape of it sliding across the floor, the thump as it hits the wall. He hears it vibrate again, but this time he doesn’t care what Laken has to say.

They’ve said enough.

He understands.

Part of him expected this eventually.

He leaves the room, doesn’t bother to pull on his compression shirt, even. He lets his skin prickle bare and exposed to the air. He accepts the discomfort, the uneasy feeling of being too seen, too felt.

The house is quiet, this early.

He makes himself toast with butter, wincing at the scrape of the knife against the crisp bread, the sound boring into his ears. But eventually it’s done, and he slumps into a chair at the kitchen table, willing himself to cry. Somehow, the tears just... don’t happen.

He can hear Jake snoring softly from the living room. He’d been up with Chris until nearly 4 am, then Chris was awake again at 6:30, looking at that text, looking over and over and over again. Two hours of sleep leave him weirdly euphoric alongside his despair. Like he’s floating in some nightmare place that isn’t awake and isn’t sleeping, either.

He’s probably slept nine hours in three days at this point. He keeps seeing Jake with a knife sticking out of him every time he closes his eyes. Jake, screaming as Antoni pushed cloth into his wound to stop up the bleeding. Jake with a bullet wound, sitting up against the wall, staring at him with wide eyes whispering, It’s okay, Tristan, I love you, it’s okay as he dies.

He can’t sleep. He can’t leave for long. He can’t breathe. He can’t think.

Him being what he is, it’s the reason Jake is hurt. If he hadn’t been his brother, he wouldn’t have decided to run a house for Romantics, and he wouldn’t have ended up dealing with all the dangerous bits about them.

Jake said it himself, didn’t he? It’s a mistake, running a house for Romantics. Not his best idea. A mistake.

Chris is a mistake.

Him being weak, and cowardly... it’s hurting Jake, making his life harder.

He makes everyone’s life harder.

There’s a soft sound of footsteps behind him, and he turns to find Nova in the doorway, staring back. She’s in a sleeveless gray dress and has her long dark hair pulled back from her temples, spilling in a waterfall down her back. Her eyes are dark and fathomless, and she gives him a faint, slight smile.

She had smiled like that with one hand down his pants.

Chris turns around, too fast, his head spinning a little, and hunches over his toast. “Good... good, um, good morning,” He mumbles.

She clears her throat. “Morning. Chris, about-... about last night...”

“Don’t, um, don’t-... don’t don’t don’t worry about it.” He takes a breath. He doesn’t want his toast any longer.

“I’m sorry,” She says, simply. “I spoke to Sarita about it, and... and she said this happens with us, and I should apologize, but, um. So I am. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-... I thought I was helping.”

“I... know you did.” His words are slowing down. Chris can’t hold on to his thoughts, they want to drift away somewhere else, somewhere safer. Somewhere darker.

“When I was with-... with my Miss, she would always say, if you are sad the best way to fix it is to make your body forget that feeling, replace it with something else. And that was what we replaced my sadness with. So, you were sad and upset, and I thought I could fix it that way.” She pauses, flushing a little, looking down and to the side as she moves with effortless grace to get a glass and fill it with water, take a small sip.

“Kauri used to... to do that,” Chris says after a pause, thinking about it. Kauri, who would show up in the small hours of the morning reeking of liquor and someone else’s cologne, or just didn’t show up at all. Kauri, who would laugh instead of crying, and laugh with someone’s arms around him, a guy whose name he didn’t know.

Kauri, who ran and ran and ran and can do things and be things that Chris can’t.

Or... won’t.

What if he’s been hurting Laken this whole time and didn’t know it, because he was already hurt himself?

His foot starts to tap tap tap on the floor until he stops it.

“Did he? Did it-... work for him?” Nova asks it with genuine curiosity, and her eyes are so pretty. He looks up at her, and then down again, pushing the plate of toast away from himself.

“I don’t know,” Chris whispers. “I, I don’t know. He’s happy now, but...”

“Was he happy then?”

“No. But, but, but... maybe we aren’t supposed to be. At least... not with, with anyone... who isn’t like us.”

“Jake isn’t like us,” Nova points out. Her presence in the room feels heavy, like a weight pushing down on him. But what does it matter? He’s not with Laken anymore, anyway. If he wanted to, he could stand right up and kiss Nova right now, press her back into the counter, and learn what it’s like to be the one doing things and not just having them done to him.

But his body doesn’t stir at the thought. It never has.

“He is,” Chris answers. “A, a little bit. I’m, I’m, I’m sorry, too, Nova. Sorry that I-I can’t.”

“No, I know. You have a partner, and I shouldn’t have-”

“I don’t have... I, I, I I don’t have a partner anymore.” Chris stands up, leaving her there with his plate of untouched toast. The sky outside is bright as the sun rises, as if mocking the way he feels like a stormcloud inside.

Nova watches him leave, and whispers to herself, “No partner?”

Chris goes outside, pulling a sweatshirt that hangs on the coatrack on over his head to protect his skin, curling up on the porch swing and watching cars pulling out of driveways as the neighborhood starts to head to work in ones and twos.

He doesn’t cry.

He sits very, very still, and he is silent.

Upstairs, under the bed, his phone vibrates, again and again, unnoticed.

Just go talk to Nat, Chris. That’s all I said. Just go see Nat and get a night or three away from the house. Being there all the time is overwhelming you. Are you even looking at these? Chris you can’t just ignore me every time I say something you don’t like Chris answer me ... ... Oh shit, Chris, my phone autocorrected earlier and I didn’t notice I meant “some time at Nat’s”, not apart Chris? Are you seeing my messages? Baby? Chris, please check your phone and answer me. Please.

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @whumpfigure @astrobly @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears

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sleepysnk · 4 years ago

Text

i decided to make a sequel to Ditched! this part is actually based of an event that happened to me in real life! i tried my best to put my personal experience into words, i hope you all enjoy the sequel! :)

I Waited For You

Pairings: Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Slight angst

Ditched

Ever since Eren and (Y/N) met each other that night they have been inseparable.

The two talked every night ever since that day, they spent hours on facetime talking or laughing about their days, or meeting up for some coffee or just going for a nice drive. They always found time to speak to one another.

Eren helped (Y/N) with her ex, he listened to the stories she had about how badly he treated her and gave her ways to distract herself from the bad thoughts. He understood how badly she took the breakup, especially since she got cheated on. He also helped her get through to her friends, something she couldn't necessarily do before. She ended up dropping those so called "friends" and found a better crowd. All thanks to Eren.

(Y/N) listened to Eren as well, she spent many nights listening to his stories about the girls he spoke to, or the famous on and off girlfriend he had for awhile. She helped him bring out a better side of himself, she assured him that people come and go, but to never loose hope.

Here they were, two weeks into talking. Eren liked her, he knew it wasn't a good idea to like her so quickly, but he couldn't resist. (Y/N) was beautiful, smart, kind, sweet, adventurous. It was everything he wanted in a girl. Not to mention how they clicked so fast on a lot of things.

(Y/N) on the other hand, wasn't sure if she even wanted to date Eren.

She wasn't exactly healed from all of it, she still had some nights where she would cry into her pillow thinking about how much her ex hurt her. She still was dealing with it emotionally, and that was the hardest part of it all. (Y/N) liked Eren, but she wasn't sure if her own feelings were 100%. She didn't want to start a new relationship if she wasn't totally healed from her past, she knew it wouldn't work well.

She wanted to communicate it with him as well as she could, because she didn't want it to seem like she was leading him on or playing with his feelings. That's the opposite of what she wanted.

Here she was in a coffee shop, it was their favorite. Eren actually took her there the second time they hung out, and she enjoyed it a lot.

(Y/N) planned to tell him what was going on. She had support from her friend Historia, she told (Y/N) that it was the best option. If she were to lie it wouldn't end well for her nor Eren, she assured her that he should understand where she was coming from.

(Y/N)'s hands were around the warm cup of coffee. She shook her leg nervously.

Her eyes looked up to see Eren entering the coffee shop, he smiled as he made his way over. She couldn't help but admire the way he looked, his hair was tied into a bun, he wore a black sweater with some black sweats. He looked bummy but so good.

"Hey! It's good to see you," Eren said, taking the seat in front of her.

(Y/N) smiled, looking down her hands. "It's good to see you too," she replied. "How are you?" she asked, nodding her head.

Eren sighed. "Eh.. I'm doing good, I had some really hard exams last week but that's about it. How about you?" he replied, looking at her.

She shrugged her shoulders, looking at his green eyes. "I'm okay I guess," she said, running her nail down her coffee cup.

"You told me you wanted to talk about something? I actually wanted to talk about something as well," he said, smiling a bit.

Her heart skipped a beat seeing his smile. "Um yeah! I wanted to talk to you about something important, if you don't mind." she said, shifting around in her seat.

Eren shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweater. "I'm all ears," he said, leaning back in the chair.

A nervous sigh came out of her as she looked up at Eren, her expression serious. "Look Eren.. these past two weeks have been great! You've helped me a ton with my issues and I'm really glad to have met you," she said, smiling a bit.

"Yeah I agree too! I'm glad we met," Eren replied, nodding his head.

"But... Eren the thing is, I don't think we should become serious right now. I care about you a ton but I'm not ready for anything at the moment, I'm still healing from my ex and I don't want to hop into anything without being 100%" she explained, looking down.

It was silent between them.

Eren sat up, a sigh came from his throat. "Um.. yeah, I understand. Thanks for being honest.." he said, standing up.

She furrowed her brows. "Where are you going?" she asked.

He looked down at her, she could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I gotta go. I'm meeting with Armin, but um.. it was nice talking to you," he said, giving a small smile. "I hope you can get better and fix yourself," he added, patting her shoulder.

(Y/N) nodded as she watched him walk out of the coffee shop. She could tell that he was upset, but he took it better than she expected. She felt the sting of her heart when she saw his eyes and how disappointed he seemed, but there wasn't much she could do. She needed to work on herself before anything.

She watched Eren drive off for the final time.

Almost a month had went by since (Y/N) last talked to Eren that day at the coffee shop. She hadn't really spoken to him much since whenever they did talk, it would be short and not much conversation would even happen between the two.

Things weren't good on both sides.

(Y/N) was feeling a bit better about her ex, she did a lot of self care to fix herself and even vented to Historia and her girlfriend Ymir about the whole situation. It helped a ton and they gave her some advice on how to fully let go of the situation. They told her being on her own and surrounded by people who care was the best way to find peace.

She also explained her situation with Eren, of course they agreed that she did the right thing. Dating Eren while still processing a bad breakup would have been hell and it wouldn't be healthy. Historia told her that she should get out there when she felt ready.

She felt like she was in a better spot than she was a month ago, but she couldn't shake the thoughts about Eren.

Truth is, she missed him so much.

She missed everything about the boy. From his random facetime calls, to his jokes, the way he smelled, everything. She missed Eren a lot, but she couldn't ever find herself just hitting him up out of the blue. She didn't want to come off as the girl who comes back when she's finally okay, she felt like Eren wouldn't like that. Plus what if he moved on? What if he found somebody else?

Eren on the other hand wasn't doing well. He missed (Y/N) even more than she missed him. He'd occasionally check his phone seeing if she messaged him or he'd contemplate picking up the phone and calling her. He'd never actually end up doing it.

His feelings for her didn't change. He liked her still and even if he tried to find someone else, they wouldn't be the same.

The day he left the coffee shop was hard. He ended up sulking in his room all day, a few tears escaped his cheeks feeling the frustration from it all. He wished that her ex didn't fuck her up. She deserved so much better than that.

Eren wondered sometimes how she was doing, was she doing better? Did her ex come back? So many questions yet very little answers. He cut some contact because he didn't want his hopes to get too high, he didn't want to go through it again just for it to fail.

In a way, he felt like he was waiting for her. Waiting for that text message or phone call, he just wanted to hear her voice again, see her smile, anything.

"(Y/N)! Where are you!?" Historia yelled, opening the door to her apartment.

(Y/N) opened her bedroom door, seeing her friend standing there in her kitchen. "Historia? What are you doing here? It's kind of late," she asked, walking towards the blonde girl.

She nodded. "You didn't get my text? Ugh stupid phone. Anyway, do you want to come to a party? Ymir thought I should ask you," she said, looking down at her phone.

A party? Last time she went to a party was when she met.. nevermind.

"I don't know Hisu.. I feel like I'm too boring for that," she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Historia looked up surprised. "Huh? (Y/N) you're not boring! You're a lot of fun. Come on! You're always at home, you need some fun." she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Let loose! Get some drinks in your system," she added.

(Y/N) leaned against the counter. "I don't even have much time anyway. It probably starts in an hour," she said.

"It starts at nine! Come on, I bet we can find something for you to wear. I won't ditch you either like those asshole friends you had before," she said, taking her hand and guiding her towards her room.

(Y/N) plopped down on her bed as she watched Historia open her closet. "Cute skirt! We just need a top," she said, tossing the white skirt onto her bed.

"I just wanna watch All American tonight," she groaned, laying down on her bed.

Historia looked back at her. "Why watch football guys when you can find one for yourself?" she asked, giggling a bit. "Here! This is a cute top," she added, showing her the light blue body suit.

(Y/N) sat up, scratching the back of her head. "Ugh, fine." she said, coming to grab the outfit. "I hope this party is actually fun," she mumbled, heading towards the bathroom.

She threw on the outfit, eyeing herself in the mirror. It had been a long time since she's gone out, she hoped it would be a decent night.

She opened the bathroom door. "What do you think?" (Y/N) asked, looking at Historia who was sitting on her bed.

"I love it! You look so good! Let's get going!" she yelled excitedly.

She put on her shoes and exited her apartment with Historia. Nervousness bubbled in her stomach as she got into the car, she hoped the party would be fine.

Arriving to the party, (Y/N) felt her nerves rising. She didn't know who the person was hosting the party, Historia said it was come guy named Jean who was hosting it. She didn't know a Jean, so she assumed it was one of Historia's friends from college.

Stepping inside the house she was smacked in the face with the smell of alcohol and marijuana, her nose scrunched as the odor filled her nose. People danced to the loud music or sat on the couches sipping drinks or kissed with each other.

"Come on!" Historia yelled, guiding (Y/N) through the crowds of people.

She looked around the kitchen as Historia ran towards Ymir. "You guys finally made it," Ymir said, hugging Historia tightly.

"Yeah.. sorry! I had to get (Y/N) ready," Historia said, looking over at her.

She stood awkwardly as she didn't know anybody at the party. "Here, I got you this. You seem a little nervous," Ymir said, handing her a red solo cup with red liquid in it.

(Y/N) looked down at the cup. "Are you sure?" she asked, looking at her friend with concern.

She scoffed. "(Y/N) just let loose, me and Historia are here if you get shit faced. Have some fun," she said, patting her shoulder.

She nodded, taking a sip of the drink. Her face twisted as the alcohol filled her mouth, burning as it went down her throat. It was strong, it tasted fruity. Jungle juice wasn't her favorite, but it'll do than having shitty shots and having a bad hangover.

(Y/N) leaned against the counter as a few people came over to talk to Historia and Ymir, her mind was too clouded with thoughts of boredom to even pay attention to what they were saying.

"(Y/N)!" her thoughts were broken by Ymir snapping her fingers in her face.

She shook her head. "Sorry! I zoned out.. what's up?" she asked, blinking a bit.

Ymir chuckled a bit. "I gotta go with Historia to the bathroom. You can come with if you'd like," she said.

She nodded. "I'm fine, I'll just wait here." she replied, swirling her drink around.

"Alright! We'll be back," Historia said, waving a bit as she walked away with Ymir.

(Y/N) sat on the counter staring into space, her mind kept wandering to that night she got ditched and met Eren. She would do anything to relive that night again, the way he looked, to the way his hair blew around his face when the windows were rolled down. She wanted to see him again.

Her eyes averted upwards, looking around at the different people who were dancing or messing around.

That's when her eyes landed on the figure leaning against the wall.

Brown hair in a manbun, sweats, a hoodie, and a drink in his hand.

It was Eren.

It was almost like her breath got caught in her throat, she felt her heart beginning to race and her palms began to get sweaty. What was the coincidence he was here at the same party as her? Should she approach him? What if he doesn't want to see her?

That's when his eyes landed on her. His brows raised, he leaned up off the wall.

"(Y/N)! We're back! Do you wanna go play some beer pong?" Ymir asked, nodding at her.

She looked towards Ymir and blinked. "Um.. sure! I'll just watch," she replied, hopping off the counter.

She couldn't help but feel Eren's eyes boring into her head. She wanted to talk to him, hear his voice, but something in her made her nervous. She made her way down the stairs as there was a table set with beer pong, a boy with a shaved head was playing with another boy with blonde hair.

"Haha! Get that Reiner! I win!" the shaved head boy yelled, laughing at his friend.

"Oh shut it Connie," the blonde replied, crossing his arms and walking away towards the couch.

(Y/N) felt a lump her throat as she leaned against the wall, Eren was here. He was here and she knew he might try to find her, the room felt stuffy and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Why was she so nervous? Was it the fact that her and Eren ended off awkward terms and seeing him for the first time made her nervous?

"Hey um.. I'm gonna go outside," (Y/N) said, standing up.

Ymir and Historia looked over at her. "Okay! Be careful," Historia replied, smiling at her. "Text me when you wanna come back," she added.

(Y/N) smiled and went up the stairs. She opened the front door and walked outside, she breathed in the cool night air. It felt better than being in the stuffy room. Her nerves were high as the memory of Eren played in her head, what was she going to do? She couldn't exactly avoid him! That would seem wrong considering she didn't want to cut him off.

"Ugh.. what am I going to do?" she asked, staring down at the floor.

"So you came out here too huh?"

Her body froze as she knew who's voice that was. She turned around to see Eren standing against the wall, he held the red solo cup in his hand.

"Eren.." she said, feeling her heart racing.

He smiled a bit. "I never thought I'd ever see you again," he said, stepping a bit closer towards her. "How have you been?" he asked.

(Y/N) fidgeted her fingers a bit. "Um.. I've been okay, what about you?" she replied.

He sighed. "I could be better, dealing with classes has been difficult. I was surprised to see you here, do you know Jean?" he asked, nodding his head.

She laughed a bit. "No I came here with a friend," she replied, looking up at his green eyes.

Eren shook his head, sitting up on the railing in front of the porch. "How has everything been going? It's been awhile since we last talked," he said, swinging his legs a bit.

The way he looked made her cheeks feel hot, she forgot about how cute he was close up.

"Um I've been actually doing better! Historia and Ymir helped me a lot. The process was hard, but I feel better now," she replied, smiling at him.

Eren's heart swelled seeing her smile. "That's great.. I'm happy for you really. You deserve the happiness," he said, putting his solo cup on the railing. "I just want to apologize for not reaching out or speaking to you. Believe me I wanted to, but I wasn't sure if it was fine with you." he added, rubbing the back of his neck.

(Y/N) looked up at him. "Don't apologize, considering the way things ended I kind of expected you to drift a bit." she said, leaning against the wall.

He nodded. "What do you mean? (Y/N) I wasn't mad at you, I just put distance between us because- nevermind. Just know that I don't hate you," he said, smiling a bit. "Your situation was understandable, what was going on was difficult. I see why you did it," he added.

She swallowed thickly as the tension between them began to get thick.

"Oh shit.. did I make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry I didn't mean to," Eren said, standing up and walking over to her.

She looked up at him. "What? No, Eren don't worry you're fine. It's just... I have something to tell you and I don't know how to say it," she said.

His eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "What is it? You can tell me anything," he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

(Y/N) let out a shaky breath. "Eren.. I still like you." she said. "I always have and I've missed you so so much," she added, looking down at the ground.

Eren's eyes went wide hearing her words. "You do?" he asked, nodding. "(Y/N)... I missed you too and I still like you. I never got over you," he added, smiling.

Her head shot up hearing his words. "What? Wait.. Eren you don't have to lie or say it out of pity," she said, shaking her head a bit.

He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. "(Y/N) I'm not lying to you. I would never lie to someone like you ever, fuck I was so messed up not talking to you everyday. I want to make you my girlfriend and make you forget all that bad shit your ex did to you," he said, cupping her cheek.

She smiled, feeling heat rush onto her cheeks. "That sounds perfect.." she said, staring into his eyes.

They stared at each other for a moment, before Eren pressed his lips onto hers. He put his arms around her, pulling her close. (Y/N) put her arms around his neck, feeling his soft lips on hers.

He pulled away smiling as he kissed her cheek. "I've waited so long to finally kiss you. I waited to finally have this moment," he said, cupping her cheek.

She felt her heart flutter at his words. "You waited all this time for me?" she asked, feeling heat on her cheeks.

He smiled. "I did.. I never gave up," he replied, kissing her cheek again. "What do you say we get out of here and catch up? I missed having you in my car," he asked, nodding.

She giggled. "That sounds great! Let me just text my friends," she said, taking her phone out to message Historia.

Eren fished in his pockets for his keys. She sent the message and took his hand as he lead her to his car, she smiled as she got in, feeling the memories replaying in her head as she adjusted herself in her seat.

"McDonald's?" Eren asked, smirking a bit.

She giggled. "Sounds great," she replied, taking his hand into hers.

#anime #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot x y/n #aot x reader #aot imagines #aot fanfiction #snk x y/n #snk x reader #snk imagines #snk fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #anime fanfic #based off true events 😳

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script-nef · 4 years ago

Text

Compensation | Gojou Satoru

Category: fluff

3k words; Dinner date [5/6]

← Previous chapter | Masterlist

The door clicks behind you as you retire into your room after another day of work. Fatigue aches at your bones and the bed is soft underneath as you flop onto it. Investing in a cushiony blanket and mattress is probably one of the best decisions you made in your life. If not the best.

Drifting away into dreamland sounds amazing. If not for All Might.

“A text is here!”

“Toshinori…” Even though your favourite character is Hawks, there’s no way you’re not setting Yagi as your ringtone. Groaning, you blindly reach for the phone while not moving your smushed face. Comfort prioritises over the ability to breathe.

Gojou: Hey! T minus an hour to our reservation! Get ready!

Ah, this. Gojou has made good on his promise to make up for the dinner you missed thanks to his theatrics. Something bubbles in your chest.

Since the beach incident, which ended fine with everyone happy and well-rested, something shifted. In the relationship between you and Gojou. Tensing in the neck, quicker palpitation sometimes. Like the feeling you had when you went on that flight to Shinjuku and also at the beach. Repetition is making it concerning. Maybe a trip to Shouko is overdue.

Gojou: Wear smth nice! Me: ? What? Gojou: They have a policy about ties n dresses or smth. Or we can show up in jeans n see how they react! Me: Let’s not. Gojou: K then! C you in 56 mins ;)

There it is again, the bubbles. Shaking your head to dislodge the feeling, you get ready for dinner.

Joints pop as you rise, lazily gathering towels and clothes. Something nice. If it’s a place with attire regulations, it must be pretty high-class. Or maybe he’s just messing with you to see what you would wear. Better not take any chances.

Thirty minutes and your muscles are much looser thanks to the hot water. The fragrant smell of your shampoo and body wash puts you in a good mood as well. You quickly slip into a dress, a present Gojou got for you some time ago. It’s a soft and flowy one with intricate snowflakes decorating the ends. It became one of your favourites pretty quickly.

Rhythmic knocks on the door alert you of Gojou’s arrival just as you’re done drying your hair. After checking in the mirror to see if everything is fine, you open your room door.

The only thing same about him from his usual self is the hair and smile. His casual outfit is replaced with a black suit, presumably the one he bought weeks ago when he tagged along with you to buy Ken-chan a present. Somehow it looks better on him now than it did before. Probably the antique hallway lighting than the department one, it just gives him a more cozy vibe. The blindfold is gone, replaced by sunglasses. His gorgeous irises are still hidden from your view. He cleans up well.

“M’lady.” Bowing slightly, he stretches his hand out for you to take. You oblige with a giggle. The whole gentleman thing is cute.

“You’re on time for once! No, wait, you’re early!” Time seems to elude Gojou all the time. In the years you’ve known him, he’s never come to a meeting on time, let alone early. Especially ones about him by the higher-ups. There was one time where he didn’t even bother to come but Masamichi-san dragged him by the ear. Unfortunately, there’s no photographic proof which could have been used to mock him with.

“Of course I’ll come on time. Oh, you’re wearing the dress I bought you!” Gentleman vibe goes out the window, him returning to his hyperactive self. It’s still pretty cute. Where the hell is this coming from? There’s a constricting feeling in your throat.

“Oh, you’ve never seen me wear it. It’s one of my favourites now, and I thought you’d like to see it. What do you think?” By now you’re out in the courtyard, illuminated under the moon. Skipping up ahead, you spin a bit, letting the dress flow out. He doesn’t say anything for a while. “Gojou?”

“You look beautiful.”

“Eh?”

“You look… beautiful.”

The softness in his voice catches you off guard. You stop in your track, the clothing falling and resting against your legs. This is a Gojou you haven’t met before, one with such sincerity and tenderness. He steps up, taking one of your hands in his. Something tingles inside your stomach, like fireflies buzzing around and lighting it up with warmth. What’s happening right now?

“I mean it. You’re dazzling.”

Fire burns under your skin, originating from where he’s holding you and threatens to consume your entire body. The flutter in your stomach is nothing compared to this. Time stops. The only thing you can hear is his breathing and your heart beating.

Moonlight cascades over him, showering him in an ethereal glow. Snow white hair shines brilliantly and something seizes at your throat. He slowly lowers his lips to meet with the back of your hand, pressing a light yet somehow heavy kiss.

You're not moving. Not breathing. It feels like you're standing on a sheet-thin glass, a bottomless abyss underneath you. If you move even a centimeter, take even the slightest of breathes, the moment will break and you'll plummet down.

Lungs scream at you to breathe. You can't. Not while he's still holding your hand with such gentle sincerity. Heat travels to every cell in your body and the flicker inside your stomach gets unbearable.

The moment finally ends when his lips detach from your hand. Air slowly returns as he runs his fingers over your knuckles. When he peers down at you, there's just a momentary flash of piercing blue behind his sunglasses that makes your breath hitch.

"Shall we go?"

Shooting you a sweet smile, he doesn't let go of your hand and marches on forward. You barely remember to keep up, brain scrambled and chest exploding.

“This is an exclusive place. How did you get reservations this fast?”

“My stunning good looks!”

“Gojou.”

“Apparently someone cancelled their reservations. Looks and luck. What don’t I have?”

“Humility.

“That cuts me, [Name].”

Stifling laughter, you look out of the window and onto the street. A few weeks ago the view would have been amazing, but now that you’ve experienced flying, nothing measures up to it. There hasn’t been another flight break as you couldn’t bring yourself to ask him for one, since he was so busy, but the exhilaration of the trip never quite left your body.

When you turn your attention back to him, there’s a lit candle on the table and Gojou’s resting his head on his hand, staring at you. The intensity can be felt over his sunglasses.

“What’s up with the candlelight?”

“No idea.”

Attempts for small talk are useless. A silence sits in the air. Not the comfortable kind that you normally have with him, working in your office while he takes a nap on the sofa nearby. Or the one when he unceremoniously interrupts a break in the garden by coming up and resting his head on your lap, enjoying a soak in the sun with you. Or when you’re eating in the cafeteria together.

Something is just off here. It might be because of… his act earlier. Just thinking about it is enough to bring the blush back. But no, it's more to do with this place. It's much nicer than your school, expensive chandeliers and tablecloths, the air of refinery that everyone else naturally oozes. But it’s distant, detached. It doesn’t suit you or him. Eventually, you break.

“Why did you bring me here?” The smile disappears off of Gojou’s face and his brow scrunches in confusion.

“I thought girls liked this kind of thing!”

"Well, yeah, it’s exclusive for a reason. But I… don’t feel comfortable here. I’m grateful that you brought me here, and I appreciate all the effort you put into this to secure a place for us. It’s just that this feels way too serious to make up for a missed meal. I feel terrible that you went through all that trouble for me. I’m fine with somewhere more casual and comfortable, not the most expensive place you can take me.”

“You think this is the most expensive place I can take you? I’m wounded.” Gojou grips at his heart but the easy-going smile tells a different story. You give him a tentative smile back, worried he might be offended underneath his smile.

“Unless you want to stay here? I’m fine with that as well, this is completely up to you.”

“Nope, it’s up to you. Wanna head out then?” He holds his hand out again. You take it without a second thought.

“Where is this?”

“My favourite restaurant! They have the best dango for dessert. And of course, the main menus are good as well.” He’s so consistent.

Customers and chefs alike stare at you two when you walk in. Which is expected when Gojou’s dressed in an immaculate designer suit that’s in complete contrast to the humble and cozy interior of the shop. Some avert their gaze when they realise they’re being rude, but you can see them sneaking a peek from the corners of their eyes. You’re not dressed up as Gojou is, but mortification still flushes your cheeks. It gets worse when he guides you over to a table, leading you to a table by hugging you from behind. This never bothered you before so why is it affecting you so much now?

“Here you go.” He pushes a chair back for you to sit in. A server greets you with a smile, handing over the menu then disappears again. “Is this place better?”

It really is. Spices and the smell of broth leak into the eating areas, triggering your taste buds and causing you to salivate. People chatter and yell and cheer, the cacophony of noises filling the place with livelihood unlike the cold silence of the previous restaurant. This is somehow more peaceful. A smile blooms on your face.

“This is perfect.”

The rest of the night is smooth sailing. Gojou knows your taste in food perfectly, expertly recommending which ones to try out. The food is impeccable and the dangos are exquisite, the perfect blend of sweet and chewy. Conversation flows easily once you’re comfortable and blocking out whatever the courtyard thing was.

He's been away for a while due to a sudden influx in curses so it's nice to have some quality time together like this. With your belly full and warmth spreading over your body, you were ready to hit the sack.

That is, if he didn’t offer sake to end the night.

“Hmmm sleepy…” Alcohol doesn’t taste nice. Fuzziness takes over your brain, like thoughts are all mixing with each other and the room is spinning weirdly. Closing your eyes helps. Lights are way still way too bright and it feels like sweat is pouring off you by buckets. Someone’s calling your name but the wall is so nice and cool against your blazing skin.

“Didn’t know you’d be this much of a lightweight. Hey, hey, you with me?” Gojou’s blurry face comes into view when you open your eyes. Giggles escape you for absolutely no reason.

“Gojou!”

“Yes, yes, I’m here. I think you need to stop drinking. Nanami might never let me see you again.”

“Your cheeks are so squishy!” It’s soft and smooth underneath your fingers, like he doesn’t have pores. Maybe you can’t feel pores with fingers but his skin is just that flawless. “Drop your skincare routine, baby skin.”

“You had like three cups, how are you this drunk? I already paid so let’s go back to school. Lift your arms?” You obey obediently and something warm encases you. A familiar and delightful scent assaults your nose. There’s a click, a lot of clicks, like someone’s taking a photo. You can’t be bothered looking to check. “Can you stand?”

“Mm…”

“Guess that’s a no. Keep your eyes closed.”

Your stomach lurches as you’re pulled onto your feet, supported by something under your arms. Cold air rushes onto your face and makes you whine. There’s a call of “thank you” which you reply in your drunken stupor with “I’ll be back!” Laughter comes somewhere from above.

It’s dark enough outside that you can open your eyes again. Everything’s still a bit hazy but you can find your balance now.

“You think you can handle flying?” There’s really no way to tell other than to try it. So you nod.

There’s a blank memory between that decision and the moment you arrive at your doorsteps. Literally nothing. You blinked after making that choice and now you’re standing outside your room door. You would have fallen thanks to disorientation if not for Gojou supporting you by the small of your back.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

He stands around while you get ready to sleep, helping you tie your hair and catching you when you lose balance. After washing, you stare at him and he stares right back. The stare-off continues. He finally gets the message when you point at the dress and walks out. It’s a struggle to get out of clothes in an inebriated state but after much wrestling, you manage.

Climbing into the bed, you’re about to actually fall asleep when there’s a knock on the door. Groans answer it because it’s way too far away. The person opposite seems to get the message and comes in. You peek and it’s Gojou with a plastic shopping bag. Sitting down and making himself comfortable on the bed, he ruffles through the bag.

“Hey, you have to drink this. It’ll help tomorrow.” He helps you sit up but pauses for a second. Your eyes flicker open. He’s looking at your body. “Are you still wearing my jacket? After you’ve changed?”

“Yup! Smells nice!” You bury your face in the lapel as if to prove a point. The grip on your arm tightens and he looks down.

“It smells nice?”

“Mhm. It's you. I feel like I'm being protected." He lets go of you, instead choosing to cover his face in his hands. His ears look red. Flicking it looks fun. "Gojou? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Drink the medicine." Even with your messed up, alcohol-ridden tongue, it tastes bad. Attempts at whining and escaping is futile because he's stronger than you. "There you go. Now sleep."

He helps you down this time, brushing your hair with his fingers and cleaning up after himself. It's nice and fluffy inside the covers. Gojou takes your hand again, pressing another kiss on the back of it. Shorter than the last time but the intensity hasn't changed.

"Don't leave." It’s basically a whisper, but Gojou freezes immediately. There's no sound for a while and you can't see what's happening because of your drooping eyelids. Alcohol is great at inducing sleep. A rustling sound and his fingers interlocks with yours.

“You want me to stay? I’d almost say you like me.” His voice is low as well, but still with a teasing lilt, like he's trying to help you fall asleep. So considerate. Always so considerate.

"Maybe." The word trails off into a mumble. Alcohol also gets rid of your filters and the understanding of when to stop talking.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Dunno… You're making me feel weird things…" Digging yourself further into the covers, you try to block out even the faint lamplight. Having none of that, Gojou pulls you out from the blanket cave, ignoring your whines.

"You'll suffocate in there. I'm fine with doing CPR but Nanami might not. What do you mean by 'weird things'?"

"I don't know… There was like… this thing inside my stomach when you did the thing out in the uh… place. My insides felt itchy and weird thanks to you. Take that!" It probably could not have been more easier to catch your fist. "Noooo, you deserve to be hit! You did something to me… That's why I feel so weird when I'm around you. Ever since the beach trip… I sometimes get heart thumps when I see you… It doesn't make sense why I'm feeling this… I don't feel it with other people…"

In an attempt to show how annoyed you are, you try to flail around on the bed but it comes out more as a tiny jiggle. Like a caterpillar. Gojou lets out a chuckle. It sounds like he’s laughing at you. Smacking him comes to mind but you’re comfortable right now so you’ll forgive him. By now you’re just mumbling into the blanket.

"Because like… it's the same. You know? This, this… whatever this is… Like in the movies, the fluffy ones. When the girl falls in love with the guy. They show like the whole thing with like the thingies… The close up, the blush, heartbeat getting quicker in the background… Thump thump, yeah? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Silence is his answer. You know he's still there because his hand is still connected to yours.

Sleep addles your mind. There's a whole lot of words popping up, like "Gojou" and "dinner" and "date" for some reason. But it's too late and everything is shutting down. Softly, slowly, you sink into slumber.

"Gojou?" Still nothing. "Hmmm you're asleep as well, huh? That's fine, that's good. You do so much to save everyone, you deserve a break. Like a hero… So brave, so selfless… Really stupid as well, so immature… Hn, maybe I do like you…"

"Say that again?" Oh, he's back. And he's gently shaking your hand, trying to keep you awake. But your consciousness is slipping away and soon everything turns into a pleasant hum.

The last thing you feel is something soft pressing against your forehead.

Next chapter →

#gojou x reader #gojou imagine #gojou satoru x reader #gojou satoru imagine #gojo x reader #gojo imagine #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru imagine #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk imagine #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojou #gojou satoru #fluff #series #female reader

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funnuraba · 4 years ago

Text

Quick guide to SAVING LIVEJOURNAL/OTHER FAN CONTENT with THE WAYBACK MACHINE:

(quick note: Tumblr content is honestly much more at risk, so if you have the stomach to try finding things on Tumblr, you can also use this method on that and do some good work)

Uhhh this got long, so look for the bolded parts if you’re not here for a long read lol.

Okay so, at some point, LJ is going under. Or at least all the gay stuff they can find on there. More to the point, PHOTOBUCKET, TINYPIC, IMAGESHACK.... all of those have left huge scars in the records of LJ fandom. So I’ve been using the fact that the Wayback Machine lets you save outlinks if you sign up with the Internet Archive! (Free!)

There’s a Save Page Now function! Good places to use it on include:

Rec lists

People’s masterlists of their own fics/art/meta

Somebody’s well-organized LJ Memories (the page you save needs to contain direct links to the posts you want to save, so if there are sublevels in the Memories you need to go as deep as possible)

community profiles

Every page of a community, if you really feel like it--I’ve been doing this with some small comms, but it’s.... less than feasible with big communities.

Check the “Save Outlinks” button, and the WB will also save links from the page you enter! You can get a lot of stuff at once. Unfortunately there’s a limit on the number of links it’ll grab, but it’s better than nothing. You’ll also see a lot of ERROR!s and it’s annoying. When it’s a Job Failed you can try the page again later.

I don’t know yet how it picks the outlinks to save, so maybe it’s random and you could eventually get all of them by Saving repeatedly??? I’m pretty sure it tries to start at the top, though, because communities with a huge list of tags in their layout are probably not worth your time: I’ve been trying to get stuff from the KKM Fanfic Challenge comm, but.... well, look at it. Trying to save any page with outlinks just picks up a whooooole bunch of those tags on the sidebar, and barely any actual posts. No matter what kind of URL you put in, that sidebar’s always there. You’d have to save each post individually to get every fic. Hope LJ’s not going anywhere fast!

Community profiles are among the most important, because that gives us a lot of info like how many members are left (after years of bleeding users) and how many comments and posts there were in the community! Unfortunately this method is REALLY BAD for art and icons--lots of them are just gone with tinypic and people’s personal LJ albums. Also the WB isn’t good with images in general and there’s no real alternative. But the profiles of icon communities, plus fanfics, meta, stuff like that: a lot of it left to be grabbed! Big main community profiles are best, because they often listed other smaller communities for the same fandom. Saving the big profile with Outlinks will pick up the profile links of all those smaller communities!

Sometimes the big community profiles will just make you sad. Try to soldier on. (If you’re really committing to this, don’t forget that smaller comms will also have even smaller comms listed as affiliates that never made it into the Big Fandom Community’s profile. You can come back later and Save their profiles directly. Sometimes they also have links to fanlistings and other rare things that are also useful to have saved!)

If you can think of a small community, you can also use the method of saving every page, which takes some work and time: you have to save the skip=10 URL, and after that skip=30, skip=50, etc. Then come back later and do skip=20, skip=40, skip=60, etc. The reason for this is that the Wayback Machine will only save one single URL every 30 minutes. So if you’re saving outlinks from skip=30, you’ll also get an incomplete snapshot of skip=20 and skip=40, minus all the important links on skip=20 and skip=40. Obviously, this isn’t much fun and works only with small comms. But it does save a lot of text.

Here’s the type of stuff you’ll get:

a saved PROFILE url: This is good! It saves info about how active a user or community was. In this case it was a user, but the profile is info they chose to put front and center, and the WB isn’t gonna crawl any deeper and grab personal posts from 2004 or anything. (You’ll get a lot of user profiles that aren’t really necessary when using this method.)

a modified POST url: Also good, but you’re gonna get a ton of duplicates on these due to how many different ways LJ would link to a single post. The style=mine doesn’t alter the content. You’ll also see lots of “#cutid1″, which of course is the link left by an LJ-cut. That’s fine, it gets the post. The content of posts 82379 is safe! (but NOT all the nested comments!)

a comment link (in this case dreamwidth which isn’t in danger, but the same format): This saved both the post itself (79392) and a comment thread (131360). You probably can’t get every comment thread just because the WB is bad at unfolding LJ threads, but this does contain the post itself. If you don’t see the plain post URL itself in the list of saved URLS once WB is done saving outlinks, but you do see a comment link: that comment link also has the original post! You don’t need to keep trying!

a journal’s tag link: This is less useful. It saves a snapshot of the tag page itself, but nothing deeper. Any content under an LJ cut or in the comments is not saved. There’s no way to keep these from saving, though. Just keep in mind, that tag in the picture doesn’t mean that the fics this person linked to have been saved. You’ll have to enter the tag link URL itself into the Wayback Machine’s SAVE page for that.

ERROR! JOB FAILED.: These are annoying! Most likely nothing was saved. Unless a comment link was successfully saved, you’ll have to copy-paste the URL that failed and put it into the SAVE page.

LIVE PAGE IS NOT AVAILABLE: There’s nothing you can do unless this URL was already saved somewhere.

BUT WHAT ABOUT IMAGES????

The passage of time means it’s probably too late. Imageshack and Tinypic took out a huge chunk of images on LJ, and PhotoBucket tried to make people pay them by putting big ol’ watermarks on all pictures except those hosted by premium users. It didn’t work and they said sorry, but the watermarks are still there. Lol. If you right-click +Open image in new tab, the watermark goes away, but who wants to do that with every single image? Also, the Wayback Machine sucks with big images and there’s no alternative at the moment.

If you’re lucky enough to find some holy grail like a big post of 1000 icons hosted on someone’s premium Photobucket, you could save a snapshot of the page. Wayback Machine lets you check that as an option, but IF YOU SAVE A SNAPSHOT WITH A TOOL LIKE “GoFullPage”: I find that GoFullPage, at least, will save you a big long image with no Photobucket watermarks! But you’ll have to save that image yourself, or store it somewhere, so keep that in mind.

Also, the snapshot means no animated gifs--although if you want to save those, they’ll be tiny little LJ icon gifs, so pretty easy to store on your own computer.

#fanlore #fandom preservation #is that a tag #livejournal #wayback machine #just gonna add as a tag that i'm trying to avoid doing this with comms where everyone was clearly about 13 #let's let them have the privacy of vanishing into the ether someday

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sophie-writings · 5 years ago

Note

Ok so I’m really scared you’ll say no, but if you want to write one, could you do (I saw a limit of 5? 👀) maybe Bakugou, Todoroki, Izuku, Tamaki and Kirishima (you don’t have to do all of them, just pick!) with a girlfriend who starts ignoring them and they get upset, but then he hears from the other girls that it’s because she doesn’t feel pretty enough or good enough for them anymore? Like I said, ignore this if you want! Love, your new butterfly anon 🦋

Thank you very much for your request butterfly anon!! 🥺

Feel free to request any time 💖

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shoto, Midoriya Izuku, Tamaki Amajiki and Eijirou Kirishima

Type: Headcanons

Bakugou Katsuki

☁️Bakugou was pissed.

☁️And no, it wasn't his usual kind of pissed.

☁️The explosive boy was upset since his girlfriend has been ignoring his texts and calls since yesterday without any warning. He didn't do anything this time too, so he didn't understand why the sudden cold shoulder he was receiving.

☁️Actually, he was getting kinda worried since you weren't like this normally, he just didn't want to admit it.

☁️Once Bakugou the in his foot inside the classroom, he was livid when he saw you smiling with the rest of the girl from class.

☁️You were ignoring his texts, making him worried, for nothing at all?

☁️"Oi, why aren't you answering my texts?"

☁️You jumped a little, surprised that he would ask about it in front of everyone else.

☁️But you didn't know how to answer that.

☁️"I'm talking to you"

☁️Nothing

☁️"Why are you ignoring me?!"

☁️Before he could react, you ran past him and out of the class.

☁️Everyone was pretty much shocked about the whole situation.

☁️"You're such an asshole sometimes" Kaminari said, making Bakugou snap his neck towards him.

☁️"I'm the asshole here? She's the one who's been ignoring me this whole time!"

☁️"Well, maybe she's ignoring you for a reason?" Uraraka chimed in, nervous to be going up against Bakugou again, but ready to defend her friend.

☁️"But I didn't do anyth-"

☁️"IT'S NOT THAT! Listen, Bakugou..." she sighed. "Y/n has been feeling a little insecure about your relationship, it's not that she doesn't love you, but she feels like she's not enough for you."

☁️Bakugou was taken aback by this news.

☁️He didn't know you were feeling this way.

☁️Before anyone else could say something he ran out of the classroom, after you.

☁️He found you not very far, in a hallway, without anyone around.

☁️He moved closer to you practically cornered you against the wall.

☁️"Bakugou I-"

☁️"Shut up idiot."

☁️Bakugou pulled you into a hug, without any warning.

☁️"How could you feel like you weren't enough for me? You're my best friend, the only one I can talk about my feelings and insecurities. I choose you because you are the best, and never doubt yourself again, idiot."

☁️Your heart skipped a beat.

Todoroki Shoto

☁️Todoroki was confused.

☁️You weren't talking to him at all, and you didn't even look at him the whole day.

☁️Even when Aizawa partnered you both for a practice fight with another duo, you just did what had to do and never once looked his way

☁️It was at the end of the day. The classes were over and you two would normally walk back to the dorms together, but this time you went ahead and left him.

☁️Todoroki wasn't dumb and knew better than to jump to conclusions, so he was just going to wait until both if you were alone and have a conversation.

☁️So after arriving at the dorms, he went straight to your room, like he normally would.

☁️What he wasn't expecting was your distant reaction.

☁️"Y/n, what's going on, you acted strangely the whole say, did I do-"

☁️"You can stop Todoroki... you didn't do anything, I just... I don't think this is gonna work."

☁️"But-"

☁️"Please, leave".

☁️He couldn't believe his eyes. His love was acting just like him when he first got into UA.

☁️But Todoroki knew you didn't feel that way.

☁️He knew that you loved him, he just didn't know why you were acting like this.

☁️Then he had an idea.

☁️Todoroki found himself inside of Momo's room.

☁️"So you want to know why y/n's been acting so strangely?" Momo sighed and continued. "Well... she told me she's been feeling a little insecure lately. Especially after the meeting with Endeavour."

☁️Of course.

☁️"Thank you, Yaoyorozu".

☁️He r a n, like a madman to your room now that he knew the reason why you were acting so strange, and let himself in without even knocking.

☁️"I'm sorry, I should have realized my father's words would get to you. I love you y/n, and no one's gonna change that, especially my father."

☁️You just hugged him, happy to stop this facade and ready to show how much you loved him again.

☁️"And sorry, for barging into your room like that."

☁️Ugh you loved this man.

Midoriya Izuku

☁️Midoriya was sad.

☁️He didn't know why you were completely ignoring him today.

☁️He was feeling nervous, especially because you started to ignore him after he told you about his secret.

☁️How he was born quirkless and how All Might gave him One for All.

☁️Of course, he asked All Might if he could tell you about it.

☁️You were shocked to hear it, sure, but he didn't know you were gonna ignore him completely the next day.

☁️It was already dinner time and everyone was sitting around the table.

☁️Normally, you would sit right next to Midoriya, but today you sat next to the other girls.

☁️Even though he knew you were trying to avoid him, he still wasn't going to give up that easily.

☁️"Could you pass me the rice y/n? Please"

☁️You just picked the rice bowl and gave it to him, not even muttering a word.

☁️oUCH

☁️Okay he wasn't expecting much, but you didn't even look at him in the eye.

☁️He was visibly shocked, and everyone could notice.

☁️Especially Tsuyu, y/n's best friend, who frowned up the situation.

☁️"Hey, Midoriya, can you help me with the dishes today?" the girl asked, getting up from the table.

☁️The boy gloomily walked towards the sink, muttering to himself like he always did.

☁️He was interrupted as soon as he tried to wash his first dish though.

☁️"Midoriya, I don't know what happened between you and y/n yesterday, she didn't tell me any details, but... She told me she felt like she wasn't good enough for you anymore."

☁️Finally, everything clicked.

☁️"Please talk to her, I hate to see you both like this."

☁️Midoriya thanked Tsuyu for her help and ran to your room.

☁️He knocked before entering but didn't even wait for your response.

☁️"Tsuyu told me everything... How could you think you aren't good enough for me? Y/n I love you... More than anything else, I don't want anyone else but you! You are strong and extremely capable... not to mention beautiful...".

☁️The boy was tearing up at this point.

☁️"I was so afraid you thought I wasn't good enough for you... Because I was born without a quirk... I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for All Might".

☁️That's when you started to tear up.

☁️You hugged him tightly and he immediately hugged him back.

☁️"I'm sorry Izuku, I should've talked to you".

☁️"It's okay... we're better now and that's what matters".

Tamaki Amajiki

☁️Tamaki was completely destroyed

☁️The day was cloudy and cold, and his sun wasn't there to help him warm-up.

☁️It's been three days ever since you started acting differently towards Tamaki.

☁️He didn't know why and at this point, he was too afraid to ask.

☁️Of course, he did try to talk to you at first, but you ignored him completely. He didn't bother you anymore after that.

☁️He missed you.

☁️God he missed you so much.

☁️Your laugh, the taste of your cherry chapstick, the scent of your vanilla perfume.

☁️He missed it all. But he couldn't bring himself to bother you anymore.

☁️You grew tired of his gloomy self.

☁️There was no other explanation.

☁️If only he was stronger and more confident like the others, maybe you'd stay. But he wasn't.

☁️Tamaki was sitting outside. It was lunchtime, but he wanted to eat alone.

☁️But before he could take a bite of his fried chicken, he heard fast steps coming towards him.

☁️It was Nejire and Mirio.

☁️They looked... angry?

☁️"TAMAKI! How long has it been since the last time you spoke yo y/n?" Nejire asked, getting way too close to him.

☁️"About three days... why?"

☁️"AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO SEE IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG!?"

☁️Tamaki was afraid of Nejire now.

☁️"But-".

☁️"No "but's" Tamaki!" She sighed. " Look, y/n loves you. She loves you so ☁️much, she thinks you're too good for her."

☁️"What?" He couldn't even process that.

☁️"What Nejire's saying it's true, she told us today, after we asked why you two were avoiding each other!... She didn't want to hold you back".

☁️Tamaki didn't know what to do. Once again, his insecurities made him lose something he loved.

☁️"Go talk to her Tamaki! Go get your sun back!"

☁️Mirio didn't need to say it twice.

☁️When he realized, Tamaki was inside the empty classroom. And you were there too.

☁️"Tamaki... what are yo-"

☁️"I'm sorry y/n!" He said as confidently as ever while getting closer and holding your hand.

☁️"I... I thought you got tired of me and decided to distance myself from you after you started ignoring me, but Nejire and Mirio told me everything".

☁️He squeezed you hand tighter.

☁️"I just want you to know that I love you! You're strong and you always trust in me, even then I don't trust myself... You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I need- no, I want you in my life".

☁️He didn't need to tell you that twice.

Kirishima Eijirou

☁️Kirishima didn't know how to act.

☁️There he was, petrified.

☁️He lost count after the 30th time you ignored one of his questions.

☁️You were acting strangely today, but you never gave him a reason as to why.

☁️"How do you want me to know why she's acting like that?! We grew up in the same neighborhood, that doesn't mean I'm her friend".

☁️Even his best friend Bakugou didn't have an answer for this dilemma.

☁️"I know! Get her a gift, maybe she'll talk to you again after that!" Said Kaminari.

☁️"Are you sure?"

☁️"Bro... I'm single, I'm not sure at all."

☁️"Well, it doesn't hurt to try..."

☁️After classes were over, Kirishima went straight to a flower shop and bought you a single red rose.

☁️Simple, yet romantic.

☁️When he got to the dorms, he spotted you alone outside and saw this as the perfect opportunity to talk to you.

☁️As soon as you saw the rose on his hands, your eyes softened up.

☁️"Y/n, I'm sorry... even though I don't really know what I did wrong..."

☁️Your eyes changed again

☁️And he wasn't expecting your reaction at all.

☁️"I'm sorry Kirishima, but I can't accept this...". You whispered and ran inside.

☁️Kirishima as r e a d y to run after you, but a certain pink-haired girl grabbed his shoulder before he could.

☁️"You're really impossible Kirishima!" Said Mina.

☁️Okay, now he was confused.

☁️"You don't even know why y/n's ignoring you! How do you expect to make things write just by randomly apologizing?!"

☁️"But... Kaminari sai-".

☁️"THERE'S A REASON WHY KAMINARI IS SINGLE".

☁️He was shook.

☁️"Listen Kirishima... You still have a lot to learn about girls, but let me tell you something, y/n's insecure... She's been feeling like she isn't enough for you. You've been getting really strong and she doesn't want to slow you down with a relationship."

☁️Kirishima's mind couldn't make any sense of what Mina was saying. You, y/n? Not good enough for him?

☁️"Now that you know this, go get your girl back!"

☁️Kirishima thanked Mina profusely and ran to your room. Not even knocking on the door.

☁️You were crying.

☁️And that hurt him more than anything else.

☁️"Y/n! I'm sorry! I'm sorry for not realizing how you were feeling. But you don't need to feel that way! You're the strongest girl I know, and I'm not only talking about your quirk but your spirit as well! You make me stronger just by being by your side... Please forgive me".

☁️You sniffed your tears and nodded.

☁️He tackled you into a hug and kissed your face all over.

2K notes · View notes

purpletaecup · 4 years ago

Photo

10 ☾ he said that’s how he still remembers me

warnings: explicit language (cursing), mentions of miscarriage, mentions of infidelity (not rlly but on thin ice)

notes: you guys... this is a long one and it’s kind of fast paced, but we are finally getting some answers and the drama really begins! next chapter will be emotional, that’s all I know. I’m sorry for putting you through all this angst!! also, I wanted to bring some attention to the crisis in the Philippines right now with all of the dangerous typhoons. A lot of people need donations and rescuing, so HERE is a link to a twitter thread of donation drives! Please make sure to check it out, share and help spread awareness!

as always, come talk to me in my ask box! and if you want to be added to the taglist, please send an ask, or reply to this post or the masterlist!

not edited!! sorry if there are any mistakes lmfao i usually am sleep deprived when i write so yeah, there are probably some errors.

word count: 5,614

☾

The days following Jungkook’s visit were dull, if anything. You’ve received texts from Yoongi saying that he couldn’t come visit until that weekend because he had to finish wrapping things up in advance at the company so that he could spend some time with you. You had argued over the phone like teenagers when you insisted that he didn’t need to do that and you could take care of yourself until Jin came back. Of course, that led to him ranting about what the doctor said about monitoring you and your symptoms for concussion and to get him to just shut up about the medical stuff (it made your brain hurt more than it did usually), you reluctantly agreed to his ‘visits’, as you’d rather call them.

[nov. 20, 2020]

It was Friday now and you still haven’t gotten any glimpse of actual memories back, although you have been having these strange dreams that you couldn’t really remember when you woke up. You could only describe the feeling it gave you as ‘sinking’, like you were drowning and you couldn’t escape. As much as possible, you tried not to think about these feelings, and focused more on trying to get to know the version of you who lived in this amazing apartment.

The past couple of days that you spent at this apartment put you in awe. It really was the apartment of your dreams, from the color of the furniture down to the little plants stuck in the corner of that tiny shelf in the kitchen. It was beautiful and so you. The only problem was that you couldn’t find anything to help with your current situation. You scoured every nook and cranny and couldn’t find anything dated after your wedding reception. No pictures, no post-its, notes or anything past that date. What you had found in your apartment, you already knew of (aside from the wedding photos). Past photoshoots, high school photos, a notebook full of movie ticket stubs. There was absolutely nothing in this apartment that gave you a clue to the life you lived during the four year gap in your memory.

You even tried to get into your twitter and instagram from when you were nineteen but you couldn’t log in. Wrong password every single time. When you tried to change your password for social media, the email you used had a different password too. You couldn’t figure out what you could have changed your password to. Every password combination you could think of, you tried, but none worked, so you decided to just skip that and maybe go over it later on. Or make a new one. That could work, too.

You couldn’t even look at your twitter account because for some reason, it was private and that seemed strange for someone with almost 130,000 followers. You could see your instagram account from your browser, but it wouldn’t let you see the pictures and posts in full size with the captions and comments, so you were really stuck.

A quick internet search of your name yielded things you already knew. Former model, current writer (that fact was still surprising to you). Old news articles of dating scandals that weren’t true, except for the one with Yoongi. More news articles about your divorce with no further information than what Yoongi had told you already.

It’s as if any clue about your life during your memory loss is unaccounted for. It seemed like at this point, you could only rely on other people telling you about your life and pray to whatever higher power there was to give you your memories back.

This futile search was beginning to make your stomach churn. You almost couldn’t suppress the bile rising up in your throat. Hopefully Jin would return soon. Maybe he could put all of the pieces back together for you.

☾

Jungkook sat in on the uncomfortable leather couch in Yoongi’s office as he waited for the man to finish up whatever he was typing. He looked through his instagram feed and saw one of your posts from July. For a while, he was confused as to why this picture from July would end up on his feed, but he remembered the new instagram algorithm. Curious, he clicked on your profile and looked through it slowly. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually paid attention to your posts.

“I forgot to ask but what did you and Yn do at her apartment? She said you stayed over for a couple of hours.” Yoongi asked though his eyes never strayed from his paperwork.

Jungkook looked up at him and pondered on what to say.

“Hm, yeah. I got roped into staying. She asked a bunch of questions and we looked through her apartment and her photo albums. Her apartment’s cute, by the way. Way different from what your house looked like.” He comments.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It was bright. Lots of green. Nothing I’ve ever seen in the house you guys shared.”

“How was she when you picked her up? She told me a couple of things but I haven’t seen her yet so I can’t know if what she’s telling is the truth or not.”

It was quiet for a moment, with only the sound of turning pages filling the room, as Jungkook wondered what to say to this. He didn’t really know when to start with you, especially with how different you were acting.

“Well, she’s fine. The personality is definitely different. She seems a lot more outgoing, and she had a lot of questions but she didn’t push. I think she wants to try and figure things out on her own.” Jungkook replies as he continued to slowly look through your previous instagram posts.

“She’s been like that. She hates being a burden and gets really defensive about it sometimes.” Yoongi comments.

Jungkook pauses at your most recent post. He checks the date. September 22.

“When did you guys divorce again?” He asked.

At this, Yoongi looked up.

“The divorce was finalized on September 29, I think.” He answered, but looked questioningly at Jungkook as if to ask why.

“Did you know she was going to therapy?” Jungkook asked again.

Hearing this, Yoongi stood up abruptly and hurried over to where Jungkook was sitting.

“What? Where did you see that?” Yoongi asked as he looked over Jungkook’s shoulder.

Jungkook showed him the post. Yoongi took the phone from him and examined the post carefully.

It was a picture of clouds with text on it. Is this the life we really want? The caption read “as per the advice of my therapist, i’m just here to pop in and say that I’ll be going on a hiatus for a little bit”.

“What the fuck? I didn’t know this!” Yoongi yelled, evidently angry.

Jungkook looked at him confused. They were together for four years, how could he not know that you were at least going to therapy?

The same question was running through Yoongi’s head. He took a seat next to Jungkook to process this new information.

“Hyung, can I ask you a couple of questions?” Jungkook requested.

Yoongi could only nod.

“What was Yn like when you were together? Why did you marry her?” Those were the first questions that came out of Jungkook’s mouth.

He was truly, genuinely curious. Though he’s heard some things that Yoongi had said about you, he never knew the full story.

“We married each other because we loved each other. Wasn’t that obvious?” Yoongi retorted.

Jungkook pursed his lips at this. “Well that's what you tell everybody and yeah we get it, but considering the fact that I’ve barely seen you two together more than two handful of times in the past two years, I had to ask.”

“That’s because we were both busy, but that didn’t mean we didn’t spend time together. Of course you never saw it because you weren’t there and I’m not one to actively talk about my love life. Yn and I both liked our privacy.”

“Okay, then what was she like when you were together?”

Yoongi was quiet for a while. There were a lot of things he could say about you when you were together. He just didn’t know how to articulate it to Jungkook.

“When we were together… she was charismatic, beautiful and intelligent. Something about the way she communicated made you feel like you could forget about all of your worries and live life to its extent with her. She constantly dragged me out to picnics and made me forget about the business and my career. She made me feel young again. And she had so much love and care for people around her. For a long time, I felt like I would never be deserving of her. She was kind of like a sunflower. Or sunshine, you know what I mean?” Yoongi poured out.

Jungkook nodded. He realized that this was the time to try to figure out what happened to you in your marriage. From his conversation with you at your apartment, to the description of you that Yoongi had just given, he surmised that the version of you that he knew was someone different and he could only wonder if Yoongi saw it too.

“Did you ever feel like she changed? In the time you guys were together?” He probed.

Yoongi thought about it for a while.

“Yeah, I think so. I always found it strange that she decided to quit modelling. When I met her, she said it was all she ever wanted. I never asked because it seemed like a sensitive topic to her, but I supported her regardless. Writing seemed so out of nowhere for her. I don’t know where it came from. Then she stopped wanting to go to business dinners and events with me and after that we just drifted. And in between that, you introduced me to Yura.”

When Yoongi mentioned Yura, Jungkook winced. He had thought about it some nights ago, but he realized that he might have had a hand in your divorce by introducing Yura to Yoongi. Though he knows Yoongi would have never physically cheated on you, he could see how Yoongi and Yura gravitated towards each other. Jungkook had to admit that Yura was a sweet girl. She was beautiful, and when she smiled it was like sunshine.

Yoongi interrupted his train of thought. “Yura is kind of a complicated subject to our marriage. I would never, ever cheat on someone I loved. And I loved Yn, so much. When you introduced Yura to me, I was happy to meet a new friend and that’s all I saw, but the more you made me hang out with you guys, the more I started to see something in her that I stopped seeing in Yn. I never meant to have any sort of romantic feelings for Yura, but it happened and I feel so fucking shitty for doing that to Yn when I’m the one who promised her a lifetime together.”

Jungkook straightened his posture as Yoongi’s confession.

“Wait, what do you mean by that?” He asked.

“By what?” Yoongi looked at him confused.

“What happened to Yn that pushed you to Yura?”

At this, Yoongi scratched his head.

“I wouldn’t say that it pushed me to Yura, but remember when I said Yn and I started getting distant? As time went on, I felt like she changed and I didn’t know who she was. She used to be so bubbly and happy and always wanting to go look at flowers, but towards the end of our marriage, she stayed holed up in our room no matter how much I asked her to spend time with me. Yura, she was happy to spend time with me. She made me feel like I could forget about everything just by talking to me.”

“Yura made you feel like how Yn used to make you feel?” Jungkook cut him off.

“Well… I guess so.”

Jungkook thought about this for a while but narrowed his eyes at his hyung.

“Hyung, answer this truthfully; do you love Yura?”

The tips of Yoongi’s ears turned red after hearing this.

“Love? I don’t know. I like her? I like the way she makes me feel. She’s beautiful and smart and she makes me happy.”

“Hyung, I don’t know if you realize this, but the way you described Yura is exactly the same way you described Yn.”

“What do you mean?”

“It sounds like you started liking Yura because she reminded you of Yn when you met her. So, do you really, truly like Yura? Or do you just like her because she reminds you of what you don’t have anymore?”

Yoongi lowered his head.

“I-I don’t know. I never thought of it like that.”

Jungkook put his hand on Yoongi’s back to comfort him. Obviously, the man was confused.

“I don’t know if this helps, but I just wanted to let you know that whenever I saw Yn, during those dinners or events, she never gave off the vibe that you described her to be. To me, she was quiet, reserved and never bothered trying to get to know us, your friends, or your business. That’s what she came off as. When you told us that you loved each other and that you eloped, I thought you were joking. When I saw her, she just seemed like the typical trophy wife. Just for show. I never liked her and wondered what you saw in her all the fucking time, but now after hearing this, and after being with her for a couple of hours, it’s obvious that something happened that fucked her up and then fucked your marriage up.” Jungkook ranted.

“I think you might need to reevaluate the relationship you had with Yn so we could help her recover from this whole amnesia thing and hopefully figure out what happened. Something definitely happened, but since I don’t know your marriage like you do, I don't know what it is. I feel guilty now after realizing that I might have had a hand in whatever the fuck she was going through. And maybe figure out what you’re going to do about Yura. Can you keep dating her when your feelings for her are based off of your feelings for your ex-wife, who is currently pregnant with your wife and doesn’t know about it?” He continued.

Yoongi took a deep breath, taking all of this conversation in.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m almost done with the shit here at the company. When I go home, I’ll sort everything out and talk to Yn and Yura tomorrow. I don’t think I can keep seeing Yura with the current situation. I have to tell Yn about the pregnancy as soon as possible, but I’m scared because the doctor told me to monitor for residual symptoms for her concussion. I don’t even know where to begin with the situation.”

“It’s okay, hyung. I’m here for you. You have to tell her about the pregnancy before she finds out herself. In the meantime, I’ll help you out when you can’t take care of her. I already feel shitty enough for how I acted with her when you two were married. I feel like I had the wrong impression this whole time.” Jungkook offered.

Yoongi remembered the moment earlier when Jungkook confessed that he never liked you and that baffled him because he thought that you two, of all people, would get along well together. More often than not, he would feel jealous of Jungkook, who had your admiration when you first started dating. He remembered you always asking him to introduce you to Jungkook and it took a year for him to budge and actually make it happen.

“I’m sure you’ll get along now. I always thought you did get along. Did you know she liked you before?” Yoongi asked.

Jungkook shook his head. “I didn’t know until the other day when you had me take her home. It probably would have helped if you told me she knew who I was before you introduced us after you got together. She never acted like she was a fan of my music and admittedly, I was a dick to her.”

Yoongi glared at him. It was a first for him to hear about how Jungkook treated his ex-wife.

“Well, you should feel shitty because she really liked you and your music. For a while, I thought she liked you more than me. If I had known you were an asshole to her, I probably would have ripped you a new one. Hearing you admit you treated her like shit makes me feel like shit because I never knew and just assumed you guys were good with each other. You didn’t do or say anything bad to her, right? You’re not that type of person.”

Jungkook could only pretend to smile at Yoongi as he asked this.

He shook his head and lied. “No, never.”

Lying through his teeth to his best friend about how he treated you made his heart fall to his stomach. Well, Yoongi didn’t have to know because it was in the past. You couldn’t remember any of the mean things he’d said to you, so now was the perfect time to make a new, much better impression of himself to you. He decided days ago that he would be better, because deep down, he knew that you didn’t deserve to be treated like how he treated you.

[nov. 21, 2020]

Yoongi had taken the day off after his somewhat enlightening conversation with Jungkook last night. He decided that he needed to go see you and spend some time with you today, but before that, he needed to settle things with Yura.

They decided to meet up at his apartment for maximum privacy, just in case anything happened. He wanted to account for the worst case scenario of Yura probably getting angry and throwing things around, but he doesn’t think she’s the type of person to do dramatic things like that.

Turns out, she’s not. When he reluctantly tells her that he can’t continue on with what they had because of residual feelings for you, in addition to the fact that there were complications in that relationship that he can’t speak about carelessly, she had reacted calmly and amicably. Though Yoongi hadn’t expected her to throw a tantrum, he was expecting some kind of anger, but all he got was a sad look passing on her face followed by comforting words.

He apologized profusely for having dragged her around when he still had apparent feelings for his ex-wife and not figuring out his feelings for her, or lack thereof, sooner. She reassured him that it was okay and she’ll be fine.

“I’ll be fine Yoongi. I liked you, but it’s pretty obvious that you used me as some kind of rebound or replacement for your ex-wife, and I was okay with it. Truthfully, I was waiting for you to just come clean and break it off with me. I hope you and Yn figure things out this time, and I hope you can talk to her. Communication is important.” She reminds him before she leaves, but not before letting him know that she would always be there for him as a friend.

He had texted her after she left, and after a couple of minutes to himself, that he was thankful for her being so nice about the situation and all in all, he didn’t regret whatever short-lived affection they had for each other.

Yoongi still couldn’t believe how smoothly everything with Yura went. He hoped that the rest of the day would be the same.

☾

You woke up to a message from Jungkook asking if you were free, so you had to tidy up the apartment and yourself because you didn’t want to look messy in front of someone you had idolized for a long time.

Luckily enough, you didn’t have to cook since Jungkook offered to bring food. You thank your lucky stars for that because for some reason, you’ve been feeling incredibly sluggish and nauseous. It was probably some symptoms of the concussion you suffered. You remembered your doctor saying something about that the last time you were at the hospital.

About 20 minutes later, you heard your doorbell ring so practically skip to the door, excited to see Jungkook and steal the food that he brought.

You opened the door to see Jungkook standing there with a big back of food in his hands. He was wearing all black, with a leather jacket that looked a tad too big on him.

“You look warm.” You comment.

He rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna invite me in or not? I even brought you food.”

You laugh a little and move to the side to give him room to step inside the apartment.

“So, what have you been doing?” He asks as he makes his way to your dining room to put the food down.

You make your way to the kitchen to get some plates for the both of you.

“Nothing. I’ve been trying to look for some stuff but I don’t know where to start so I just gave up until you or Yoongi could come help.” You reply as you move to the dining room to set the plates down.

Jungkook takes the food out and puts some on the plates. Kimbap, like you asked, and some seaweed soup.

“How have you been feeling? Okay?” He questioned.

You nodded, though hesitantly.

“Eh, I’ve been feeling kind of tired. I think I might be sick because I keep wanting to vomit. Is that my wintermelon tea, by the way?” You pointed to the drink in his hand.

Jungkook poked the straw through the lid and handed it to you.

“Sick? Did you take any medicine? Are you feeling better now?”

You took a sip of your tea and sighed, missing the sweet taste of the drink. It felt nostalgic.

“Mhm, took some earlier and I'm feeling much better thanks to the food you brought!” You smiled.

Jungkook rolled his eyes jokingly once again. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

He didn’t think about your illness any further. It was probably a cold and nothing else.

For about 20 minutes, the two of you ate and spoke about little things, mostly about Jungkook and his career. It helped you get to know him a little bit better since he’s the only person besides Yoongi who could help you in your situation until Jin comes back.

After you finished eating, you told him that you needed his help going through your room in case there was anything that could jog your memory.

“I would ask Yoongi but he��s been busy lately.”

“So I’m just your last resort?”

“You’re literally the only other person in my contact list besides Yoongi and Jin.”

“Right, anyways, lead the way!” He exclaimed.

You laughed as you led him to the room at the end of the hallway.

“Sorry if it’s a little messy, I didn’t have that much time to clean up before you got here!” You explained.

Jungkook shook his head, telling you it didn’t really matter since it was gonna be a mess anyways while you two went through your things.

☾

When Jungkook walked into your room, he was once again hit with the feeling that he had no fucking clue who you were in the past years he’d known you. If he could describe your room in one word, it would be enchanting. White walls, white sheets adorn with a baby blue blanket, wooden floors, giant plants and a mirror much bigger than himself. Your desk was filled with different kinds of pens, different notebooks that look to have been trifled through, and an unnatural amount of books and crystals.

From the looks of the rest of your house, he probably shouldn’t be surprised at your bedroom, but it’s still a bit difficult for him to wrap his mind around the fact that you were this type of person. Bright, intelligent, and incredibly neat.

He walked up to your desk and picked up the different notebooks laid out messily on the table. When he opened each of them, he noticed that they were mostly blank, with the exception of a few doodles. There were some things he’d recognized as lyrics from songs he knew, but nothing truly relevant to the memories you lost.

You stood next to Jungkook and looked at the notebooks in his hands.

“I went through those already. Nothing but a few sad lyrics here and there. None of them triggered any memories.” You mentioned.

Jungkook put them down and started walking around the room with you as you talked about what you did find during the days that you were left alone. What he got from that conversation was that you had no luck with anything and that’s why you waited until either he or Yoongi could come over and help you. Jungkook knew that Yoongi was coming over later, so if he couldn’t help you find anything or answer any of your questions today, then maybe Yoongi could.

“Oh! I forgot to mention that I can’t even access any of my social media, so do you think I can look through my instagram through your phone? I mean, if that’s okay with you. I know some people feel uncomfortable giving their phone to someone else to play around with.” You asked.

Jungkook shook his head and stuck his hand in his pant pocket, reaching for his phone.

“It’s fine, you can look at your profile, I think I follow you. The password is 061313.” He stated as he handed his phone over to you.

You grabbed it excitedly, finally getting the chance to see what your life was like during the four years that were missing from your memory. You fell back onto your bed as you unlocked Jungkook’s phone and clicked on his instagram app quickly.

You took a look at his profile first, staring in awe at the pictures he’s posted. Most of his pictures are very dark and he had quite a few selfies. You smiled a little bit as you admitted in your head that he was indeed handsome.

Okay, Yn, onto the more important things! You thought to yourself as you quickly searched your username ‘faeyn’ on the search bar. At first you were excited, but it deflated when you saw just how many posts you had. 13 posts. And almost all of them were just landscapes. Some had pictures of you by yourself, or with Jin, but that was it. How the fuck were you supposed to try to figure out your life through 13 pictures?

Scrolling through each picture and their captions from the oldest to newest, you quickly realized that you must have decided that privacy was something that should be valued. There was nothing of substance to your situation in the captions you’d written. Just casual mentions of how your day was, or what you did that day. The only thing that caught your eye was the latest post you had, dated September 22. It was a picture of clouds and the caption said something about your therapist advising you to take a break, so you were going to be on a social media cleanse for a while.

Well, at least you learned one thing. Apparently, you started going to therapy again. For what? You don’t know. You only remembered going to therapy a couple of times after the whole incident with your bastard ex-boyfriend.

You filed this little detail into your brain and hoped that maybe it would make more sense later on. Swiping up on Jungkook’s phone took you to his home screen, but you paused for a little. Maybe you could snoop through some more apps and see if there was anything else you can find.

No, that would be an invasion of Jungkook’s privacy, you thought. Another part of you argued that he wasn’t going to know and he’s here to help you. If there was anything worth hiding, he wouldn’t have given you his phone and his password so easily. And if there was anything, it wouldn’t be incriminating since he mentioned that you two didn’t really know each other that well, so you shrugged and clicked on his messages.

I’ll just see if there are any messages to me. I won’t look at anything else, you justified, as if it made it any better.

After scrolling for a little while, you finally saw something worthwhile. A text convo between you and Jungkook and from the preview of the message, it looks like it was from the middle of September. You opened it, excited to see the contents, but what you saw made you furrow your brows.

What is this?

☾

After Jungkook gave you his phone, he continued walking around your room until he got to the side of your bed that was next to the window. He looked around for a bit and saw something in the corner of his eyes. Crouching down lower, he saw something on the floor behind your headboard. He couldn’t tell what it was at first, but as soon as he moved closer, he realized it was a thick notebook. Jungkook surmises that you probably hadn’t seen it despite telling him that you looked ‘everywhere’. He took the notebook and sat down on the floor, completely hiding his figure, but not before he could look at you. He wanted to see what was in the notebook before he showed it to you, and luckily enough, you had been facing away from him.

So he sat down and opened the notebook. From just the first page, he could tell it was some kind of diary or journal. There were lots of drawings and stickers and a picture of you in a field of flowers right in the middle of the first page. He flipped through the whole notebook really quickly and found that half of it was already filled.

A part of him wanted to read through the whole thing and see what kind of things you wrote, but another part told him that it wasn’t appropriate. Despite that, he convinced himself that he should read maybe just one entry, just to see if this notebook was something substantial to your current situation.

Jungkook took a peek at you again and noticed you still had your back turned to him so he took that as a sign that he could probably get away with reading an entry. He flipped to a page randomly and focused his eyes on the writing.

The entry was dated August 4, 2020. Fairly recent. He noticed that there were some dark blotches on the paper that made the ink bleed.

He began to read the entry, not knowing what he was going to find out.

It still seems weird to be writing about my problems in a journal. I’m still not used to it, but it’s been helpful since I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.

That made him frown.

I went to my OBGYN today because I’ve been having severe cramps and bleeding, but I already had my period so I was worried. And the cramps were starting to really hurt, so I had to go get it checked out just in case. Well, apparently I was pregnant and lost the baby.

Jungkook’s eyes widened and he gasped audibly. Luckily enough, it wasn’t loud enough for you to notice. He clasped his hand over his mouth at the disbelief in reading this information. A miscarriage? And so recent, too. He didn’t know how to feel. Yoongi had never said anything about this.

Jin actually just left my house a couple of hours ago. I don’t think the news hit me until now. I texted Yoongi earlier to tell him but he was busy so I think that was a sign that I should probably not tell him. It’s not like it matters right? Since the baby was gone anyways.

I know my therapist told me to stop with the negative self-talk, but it’s moments like this that really push me to just keep thinking I’ll never be good enough for the men that I love. Thanks to my bastard ex for fucking my mind up like this. No matter how hard I try, I always just circle back to the fact that I wasn’t good enough for him, and that I’m not good enough for Yoongi. Even fate is telling me that I’m not good enough to carry a child with the man I love. How fucked up is that?

Jungkook’s heart dropped to his stomach. He felt sick. There were so many things going through his head right now. He felt like he was violating something that was so private. Yoongi didn’t even know that you went through this. You didn’t even know you went through this. He shut the journal quickly, wiping the tears that formed in his eyes.

At that exact moment, he heard your heavy breathing and quickly got up to check on you. He walked around to your side of the bed and found you trembling with his phone in your hands. He noticed that his messages were open and he began to panic.

“What the fuck is this?” was the last thing he heard you say before your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you fell limp into your bed.

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thisisgonnafuxkinkillme · 4 years ago

Text

Light Under The Door

MAJOR TW FOR SELF HARM!

Au where Deku dies oops-

Warnings: angst, self harm, main character death

You first realized something was wrong when he wore long sleeves at home as well as at work. Usually, as soon as he got through the door, he’d ditch that uncomfortable looking yellow suit and don one of his much-too-large shirts, or sometimes even just skip into his flannel pajamas.

For a good week, though, he had been choosing to wear his loose fitting winter shirts to bed and even while he relaxed at home.

That wouldn’t have been overly strange on its own, all except that it was in the middle of summer.

That, and he’d always slink away when you grabbed for his wrist or sleeve. He’d pretend as if it were nothing, and you believed him.

That was until you got home from the store a little earlier than expected. His car was outside, so he was definately home, but the house was utterly and totally silent.

You should have at least been able to hear him clicking away at his keyboard, or sipping some tea, or watching television.

You silently placed your bags down, approaching the bathroom door quietly. You heard quiet hisses and hiccups from just beyond the door.

It was unlocked and open a crack. You knocked quietly, calling out to him.

“Toshi, are you alright?”

He gasped, dropping something and audibly scrambling for the door.

He peered out of the crack and into your eyes.

“I’m fine,” he breathed, flashing a fake smile. He tried to close the door the rest of the way, but you put your foot in between the door and the frame, stopping it.

He didn’t fight back. As you entered the scene, he hunched himself against the wall and covered his face. All he was wearing was a pair of boxers.

Your breath hitched as you saw what was going on. Upon seeing the abandoned razorblade and tiny droplets of blood, you knew.

"Don't...don't say anything. I already know," he grimaced, shaking his head. He’d struggled with self harm before, way back in his youth, but thankfully kicked the habit. Well, for the most part. One thing he always hated was being scolded for it, or being told how utterly stupid he is for doing something so harmful to himself.

It just reminded him of how he lets them down. How he let you down. Himself.

Him.

You held back tears. It's your turn to be strong now. For him.

You firmly grabbed him by his upper arm.

"Baby, look at me. Look at me," you breathed shakily. He did so, revealing his tear stained, ashamed face. He'd been hiding this for a long while. You could tell that much by the look in his eyes and his clenched jaw.

Your heart panged. This isn't him.

"I...I know you think..." He warbled, his voice cracking before breaking again.

"I don't think anything, baby boy. It's okay. It's alright. Just breathe for a second for me, okay?"

He slumped pitifully into your embrace, letting himself sob relentlessly into your shoulder. You weren’t exactly sure what to do with his bloodied body other than hold him there, for a moment or two.

His upper thighs, which you’d expect to be pale and pasty like the rest of his body, were instead covered in shades of reds and pinks where he had freshly harmed himself, and in browns and purples where he had allowed the lines to scar over.

His arms, too, were covered with these sickeningly familiar scars as well as freshly bloodied lines carved across his flesh.

He’d definitely been hiding this from you for a while. A long while, at that.

You whispered in his ear, “Oh, baby...you don’t deserve any of this...”

He clutched at your clothes, balling up the material in his fists.

“you...you wouldn’t say that if...” he let go of you.

He couldn’t escape it. The scream. The blood. The utter helplessness.

His face.

He hit himself in the head, trying to knock the memory out of his mind.

You grabbed both of his wrists. This utter violence would have scared you anyways, but with it directed towards someone you loved so much, it was terrifying.

“I’ve killed people! They’re dead!” he screamed.

“You didn’t kill anyone, Toshinori! What-”

“No! They-he- died right in front of me!” he sobbed, collapsing into the floor in front of you.

He gritted his teeth.

“I couldn’t even show my face at their...at his funeral...”

You held in your own cry, remembering when it all happened. It was so fast. No one could have predicted it.

In the end, the boy had saved a classmate, but at the cost of his own life.

Toshi was at the scene, screaming for him, but it was too late. He was gone in an instant.

For weeks afterward, he didn’t leave his bedroom. He barely ate. What he did eat was just what you’d nearly force down his throat to keep him breathing. He just laid there, in the bed you shared, with the curtains drawn and his phone turned off, for entirely too long.

It absolutely killed you to see him like this. What killed you more, though, was when the boy’s mom wouldn’t stop calling, texting, and even knocking at the door. She would sob words of forgiveness, begging you to please tell him that she wasn’t angry at him for breaking that promise they made not so long ago. To tell him that something like this would’ve happened even if they’d never met.

To tell him that it wasn’t his fault. That she didn’t blame him.

But no matter how much she pleaded, you just couldn’t talk to him about it. Whenever you so much as brought up her name, or mentioned anything alluding to...him...Toshi would just break down.

Just like he was now.

You took his face in both of your palms, gritting your teeth and making him look at you.

He could barely see you holding back tears of your own through his blurred eyes.

“It was not your fault.” You asserted.

“...but-“

“It was not your fault.”

“I could have... he...”

“No. You didn’t kill that boy. Nothing you could’ve done would have stopped what happened from happening.”

Toshinori looked into your eyes, replaying that scene in his mind.

He couldn’t have magically teleported in front of that car. A healing quirk, nor any amount of surgeries or doctors could have undone the severe internal damage that it caused.

It was an utter accident.

He closed his eyes, squeezing the memory out of his brain. The blood was what haunted him the most. It was everywhere. More than he’d ever seen in his entire life, even being a pro hero for a good portion of his life and seeing horrific crimes.

The boy’s eyes glazed over mere moments after the collision, not even able to speak or respond to the rush of people surrounding him. Toshi had to essentially fight his way between the hoards of onlookers to get close to him. To stroke his cheek. To tell him that it was okay to go.

That he was a hero.

That he was proud of him.

He closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath and holding your hand to his chest. Your heart ached as you noted his shaky, skinnied fingers.

“You don’t deserve any of this, honey,” you repeated, bringing his head to your chest and stroking his hair. He was done crying. He just needed you.

His breathing calmed down after a good while of keeping him there, just existing with him for these moments without criticism and without judgement.

“Toshi, can you let me clean you up a little?” You murmured. He nodded silently.

“But... please don’t... I-I... just...” he muttered as you stood up.

“I’m not going to judge you, baby. It’s okay. I’m going to make sure you didn’t go too deep, and just help the bleeding stop. I’m not going to judge you for anything,” you assured him. His lower lip quivered and he nodded again. You left, grabbing the first aid kit and a bottle of water.

First, you handed him the water, instructing him to drink. He tried to refuse at first, protesting that he was fine, but after a little coercion, he took a little sip. Later, that sip turned into thirsty gulps. The bottle was nearly empty when he was done.

He was definitely thirstier than he thought.

These days, it was easy to ignore what his body needed. Hunger passed eventually, and so did thirst, and so did pain. Rather than deal with the issue, he’d usually just ride out the discomfort. He just couldn’t find it in him to care anymore.

So, for now, you had to do it for him.

You gently inspected his wounds. You sighed with relief as you noticed that he hadn’t gone deep enough to need a trip to the hospital for stitches.

He winced as the astringent met with his raw flesh, but you were there to soothingly comfort him with gentle touches and praise.

Soon, he was all bandaged up. He looked up at you, reaching for your cheek. He mouthed a thank you before placing a tiny kiss on your other hand. You kissed him on the forehead in return, helping him stand up and walk into the bedroom, assisting him to ease under the comforter and switched off the light before joining him.

You two coiled into one another, each warming the other’s body gently. Your breaths synced up harmoniously as you both drifted into a much needed afternoon nap.

When you woke up, there was no interrogating. No demanding to know where all his razor blades were hidden. No begging him to seek therapy.

You knew what struggling was like. None of that would help in the end. It’d only push him deeper into his own darkness.

So you settled on doing what you felt that you needed when you were in the same place he was: simply being there for him, and being ready with open arms to take on his problems when he couldn’t bear them any longer.

And he couldn’t.

Not on his own, anyways.

———

The next morning, when you woke up, Toshi was waiting for you in the kitchen. He’d already made you your favorite coffee and some honeyed toast.

After you ate, he gently took your hand.

“Will you help me with something?”

You nod, smiling sweetly.

He looked away. Shame burned his soul.

“They’re hidden in the medicine cabinet, in a box all the way in the back. Please, can you... get rid of them for me?” He whispered. You nodded.

“Are there any more?” You gently question. He shook his head, sighing.

“I’m really sorry for all of this trouble I’ve put you through...” he apologized. He was trying his best to stay strong, to appear okay and unbothered, but his voice was already cracking a little.

You shake your head.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m happy I can be here for you. I’m going to go take care of that for you now, okay?”

He nodded.

———

Recovery was slow but steady. You never asked if or when he relapsed, but when he’d lock himself in the bathroom, you couldn’t help but freeze and wonder if he was hurting himself.

But soon, his scars started to heal. He began wearing t shirts again. He started to laugh a little bit more.

And finally, he took Inko’s call.

You didn’t hear their full conversation, and you didn’t wish to eavesdrop. What you did know, though, was how different he was once he hung up from that call that lasted a good three hours.

He was lighter.

It was as if he’d been carrying an earth shattering weight on his back for centuries, and finally was just able to put it down.

He slowly became himself again, the darkness fading away at the touch of the warm sunlight within him.

——

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