#sometimes I say well no one tells the truth a hundred per cent of the time

[coralmoore]

it was sad to think that the only parent-like figure who seemed to like her was casey's mom. coral was grateful to have her, but she wished that love could also come from her own parents—the people who should be there for her no matter what. over time, she realized that was far from the truth. she had spent years trying to earn their love, but nothing would change how they saw her. she was never going to be the daughter they wanted because they never really wanted her. what coral could do was show the people she loved how much they meant to her, making sure to tell them and show them they were important to her. it was easy when she was surrounded by amazing people like casey, celeste, and casey's mom. she would have to invite casey's mom out sometime to catch up, or invite her over for dinner with their little family. "she’s definitely going to know how much i love my baby," she said softly, looking at their daughter. coral smiled as casey kissed the side of her neck, feeling goosebumps all over her skin. "you think so?" she mused, glancing from casey to their daughter. "that's the cutest thing you could ever say to me," coral smiled. "she has your hair, and well, she definitely didn’t get our eyes," she chuckled, smiling. "i’m happy she got your mom’s pretty eyes," she said softly. "if she looks like you when you started toddling around, your mom will be a great help," she teased, reaching to caress his cheek. "she’s the most perfect little baby ever," she assured him. "you make me feel so special and loved. you’re the best boyfriend i could have ever dreamed of," she smiled. "not to mention the hottest boyfriend, singer, and dad i’ve ever laid my eyes on. how did i get so lucky, huh?" the blonde smiled. she then reached for the baby’s little foot. "baby girl, smile at daddy," she smiled, tickling her little foot and getting a giggle in return, "she has your smile, one hundred per cent, owen's smile"

casey could remember acting out during his teenage years because he become frustrated that everybody else got to hang out with their father's around that time. during summer breaks back then a couple of friends would tell him about them going to the lake, going golfing, going go-karting with their dads. casey didn't have his dad around to do anything with him. his mother tried, bless her, and casey felt bad for rebelling against the one person that promised to love him no matter he was like. casey's mom was a blessing in his life and he'd spend his life repaying that love back. coral's parents showed their true colours to casey tonight the moment they glanced across the room towards their daughter with unimpressed and smug looking faces. casey was not going to stand for his girlfriend feeling disrespected and unloved. his mom showed more respect for coral than her own parents which was wild to him. how could coral's parents not see how truly amazing of a woman she'd become? casey loved his mom for loving his girlfriend like she would love a daughter of hers. "celeste is going to know how much we both love her because we'll say it everyday." their daughter would know nothing but love in their household. she would get all the advice she needed, all the cuddles, all the kisses, and all the comfort. celeste wouldn't feel love deprived or left out. casey pressed a kiss against the side of the girl's neck as she looked back at him and said how happy he made her feel. "my plan is to make you happy throughout your entire lifetime with me." casey wouldn't ever go back on that. coral's happiness was important to him - truly one of the most important things. casey's head perched against his girlfriend's shoulder as he looked down at his precious little daughter looking back at them with the cutest looking expression. "she's your spitting image, baby, i still don't see my features when i look downwards." celeste looked like coral to him. she looked like coral's own mini-me. a tiny little version of the woman he loved so much. she was perfect in every sense of the word. "i wonder everyday what she's going to look like when she starts toddling around." casey couldn't wait until all three of them could walk down the street hand in hand. "she's perfect, isn't she? just like you."

[kaypeace21]

Hopper & lonnie (anon)

Tw: ab*se /dr*gs

So I’ve been reading your theories about Hopper being an interject alter who is going to figure it out after his “death” after season three. I really love it, I think it fits so well. But I was wondering something. 

Why does Will view Hopper, in particular, as someone who could protect him? 

If it was just about being an authority figure, he could have chosen any other cop. And I’m not sure it was about Hopper as a person either, because until the events, it’s implied he and Joyce aren’t close anymore. They had something in high school but Hopper moved away years ago and is kind of an outside observer in her life now, up until Will vanishes. 

So why Hopper? Why would Will attach so strongly to him? 

Then I noticed the time frame. I’m not a hundred per cent sure, but I think Hopper returns to Hawkins the year before, or maybe the same year, Lonnie leaves. Which makes a lot of sense.

Back in episode two, Hopper tells the woman he’s with how sleepy Hawkins is. There hasn’t been a murder since 1923 or a su*cide since 1969. And people keep making a big deal of how he’s “a big city cop” and “things like that don’t happen in Hawkins”. It’s implied that Hopper is used to seeing darker crimes, and would recognize them if they were happening on his patch. And then shortly after he arrives in town Lonnie - a bully who relished controlling his family and loved to freeload off Joyce’s hard work - packs up and leaves for a more anonymous life in the city. It’s deeply suspicious. Why would he do that? What was he afraid of? 

I think he was afraid Hopper would discover the depths of his abuse of Will. 

I don’t think Hopper actually did find any evidence of that before he left, or ran him out of town or anything. Hopper seems to view Lonnie as a deadbeat, but he still wants to call him, even after Joyce tells him about the verbal abuse Lonnie used to give Will, and we see Hopper look discomfited. But he still pushes the Lonnie thing and wants to get him involved in Will’s disappearance, like he would any other dad, so I don’t think he has any idea of the truth.

What I think might have happened was that Hopper caught Lonnie in some minor crime, and pulled him to rights on it in front of Will. It could have been anything. Maybe Lonnie was drunk and mouthing off and Hopper physically restrained him. Maybe the family were going hungry to pay his debts and Hopper intervened. We don’t know. But I think there was something, and Hopper was very much the “bigger guy” in the situation. The alpha male. And for Will, it was the first time he’d seen his dad defeated like that.

And then shortly afterwards, Lonnie left. And in Will’s little kid mind, the two things HAD to be connected. Hopper scared Lonnie away! I wouldn’t be surprised if Hopper spooked Lonnie. Maybe he got in his face and said something like “I know guys like you” or “What else are you up to, out here in the woods? What else are you hiding, huh?” And Hopper is thinking meth cooking or something, but Lonnie’s mind goes to darker places and wonders how much he might really know. 

When Will first sees the Demogorgon it’s as a faceless man in the woods. And he runs home and tries to call the police. Maybe he thinks it’s Lonnie or his friends and is hoping Hopper will save him again.

I just think something must have happened to make Will have such trust in Hopper as a protector, even if Hopper himself is unaware of it. I hope we get to see the flashback, and young Will forming that idea. Maybe as Hopper is wandering around the death scape figuring out what he really is, this memory will come to him as a flashback and he’ll be confused. Maybe he / the audience will misinterpret it as being about “protecting Joyce” . But we’ll see Will right there and join the dots. 

Side note: I wonder if Lonnie really was cooking meth? PCP / biker meth was big among poor communities in the Eighties, and it’s a scary drug. It causes hallucinations and increases aggression. It might have made Lonnie into more of a monster when he was on it, and if he gave it to Will to get some sick kick out of seeing a kid on drugs, the hallucinogen might have been what unlocked Will’s powers. The blurring of reality and nightmares. I have no real evidence for this except the historical context, but it would explain a lot. 

——–

Response (kaypeace21):

Tw: dr*gs/ ab*se

This actually makes a lot of sense on why Lonnie may have left and hates Hopper . He would be getting in the way of his “dr*g business” and other sick activities. Lonnie’s gf even has a biker shirt from Harley davidson- with the eagle logo and their saying “live to ride’. Which would imply lonnie is also in such biker circles. Harley davidson in the 80s had dr*g gangs too.

* the whole convo of Cynthia replacing 50 something Lonnie for a “younger model”. Is foreshadowing of Lonnie doing that to her. He replaced Joyce with a gal in her 20s. And will prob pick another young girl to use in s4/5. Like the movies hint his next gf is about Jonathan’s age-ick. They also called it “bathtub cr*nk” which is sketchy given the bathtub is what Will/mf fears and how the sensory deprivation tank is later called a tub by el . Becky even said he would get terry high and throw her in the tank/tub.

And s4 movies have quite a few biker gangs . Also would make the fact in s2 Will was forcibly injected with a needle more sinister. We see on the TV in s2 punkie brooster says they had a nightmare of having a needle forced into their arm - similar to Will

 And in s2 Billy (aka William) was injected in the neck and threatened with a bat. And in s3 robin and Steve were injected in the neck and got high. I thought hopper being in a upsidedown reflection of a spoon was more of a matrix DID ref. But there could be more to it. Like you mentioned such things were cooked in spoons. It would also explain Lonnie’s “debts”.

And yeah in the st books brenner gave the subjects drugs which activated/strengthened their powers yikes . Yikes . Yikes

update- WAIT!

“One reason m*th is so prevalent in rural areas is that it can be formulated, or “cooked,” by small producers and one of the ingredients is readily found on most farms – anhydrous ammonia fertilizer. Both farmers and chemical suppliers have experienced thefts of anhydrous particularly in the Midwest.“

WHICH REMINDS ME OF the FLAYED EATING FERTILIZER AND CHEMICALS IN S3 OMG. Nancy even says farmers/chem suppliers  are having fertilizer stolen omg! And she later thinks flayed tom was on drugs- “Nancy drew and the case of the missing fertilizer”. 

EVEN Nancy’s proof Tom is on dr*gs is a symptom of m*th use or withdrawl from it-excessive sweating (like all the flayed in s2-3). M*th causes hyperthermia (body is at a higher temp than usual)-so they like it cold!!!!! ahhhhh. Even clammy hands that she mentioned is a symptom of m*th use. in children it can even cause seizures- like Will :(

It also does take some chemisty knowledge to COVERT various substances (including fertilizer and other chemicals) to make m*th- which reminds me of the kids saying they can convert one substance into another (when referencing why the possessed are eating chemicals). I CRACKED THE CODE!!!!!!!!!!

when m*th is made via soil it first is made into a highly corrosive liquid which is sometimes green-like the Russian lab.

“six pounds of toxic waste is created for every pound of m*th manufactured. The waste is often dumped on farms, in rivers and and is harmful to the environment.” Like all the chemical leaks relating to Hawkins lab/mf that affected crops in s2/this pic of water in s3.

[underatedcharactersunite]

Warning may contain some NSFW themes! 

A for Arguments - How often do you two argue? Who apologises first? How do they make up? etc

The two of you tend to bicker more than argue. Merle can be very hot-headed especially when he's not exactly thinking straight about something. Merle doesn't listen to many people, so people tend to rely on you to calm him down, which at the time can make everything worse. It's much better to let Merle go and calm down before talking to him again, besides Daryl, you are the only one who Merle will apologise to.

So while the two of you don't argue a lot, there are times when the two of you just need to take a break and calm down.

B for Bedtime Routine - Do they prefer to be the big spoon or little spoon? Favourite sleeping position? etc

Sleeping positions with Merle is always different. There's not a typical way the two of you go to bed. Some days, the two of you need to be close to each other so you'll lay wrapped up in each other's arms while your head is rested on Merle's chest. Other days, Merle loves to be the big spoon so he can hold you as close as possible.

Merle's favourite sleeping position, however, is when the two of you are both naked. There is no greater feeling for Merle is feeling your skin on his. It brings comfort and reassurance that the two of you are together in a world that has so many dangers.

C for Cook - Do they cook? Can they cook? What type of food do they like to cook for their partner?

Merle is not exactly the best cook in the world. He can go and hunt for your food, but when it comes to cooking that's when things get a little bit tricky for him.

He would much rather help you cook instead of taking the lead. It's so perfect for Merle since he can perhaps give you a few "unintentional" touches, which acts as a game for Merle to see how long it's going to take to get your attention. That depends on your mood and how hard you're concentrating on dinner. No matter what, Merle always manages to distract you.

D for DIY - Do they like to make gifts for their partner? Are they good at general DIY around the house? Do they enjoy doing it?

Merle spends most of his money on drugs. So when it comes to Anniversaries or gifts, Merle has to come up with creative ways for gifts. One of the many things, Merle is good at is at DIY. He can build just about anything, which is why almost of your gifts from him are handmade.

E for Effort - How much effort do they put into their relationship?

Much to people's disbelief, Merle puts one hundred per cent into his relationship with you. Merle considers your relationship to be the only good thing in his life. You don't attempt to change him, and you're well aware that he is far from perfect.

However, you somehow manage to love him for all of his faults, and no-one has ever done that before. So with his every breath, he puts all of his strength and time into your relationship. Merle never makes any promises to you, but he does promise to try and work on some aspects of himself. When you notice, he's home early, or he hasn't been arrested in that month, you smile and reward him a gentle peck to the lips.

F for First Date - Where do you go on your first date? How does it go etc?

You and Merle's first date consists of his truck, some fast food and some beer. Mere knows there's something special about you when he gets nervous. Merle Dixon has been with plenty of women in his life, he's always confident and always ready, but you throw him off in all the best ways.

The first date goes off without a hitch, despite his nerves. He throws in a lot of flirtatious comments, "accidental" touches, the typical Merle Dixon charm. When he realises it's working, Merle's relieved more than anything, but it's the first date that determines how much he likes you.

G for Gifts - What kind of gifts do they gift their partner? What kind of gifts do they receive? etc

A lot of the gifts Merle gets you are homemade. Money at times for Merle is often tight because he spends most of the money he gets on drugs, so for birthdays and anniversaries, he has to get creative. He has an entire workshop with different parts that he finds around the place, so he takes whatever he can find to create something beautiful out of it.

In terms of receiving gifts, Merle always gets surprised whenever you give him anything. In his mind, he doesn't deserve it but knowing you have remembered his birthday or anniversary provides him with enough confirmation in his mind that you want this relationship as much as he does. Merle loves whenever you buy him any sort of jewellery because he can tell anyone who he asks that you brought it for him. Even when he's desperate, Merle refuses to give anything you buy him away.

H for Honeymoon - Where do they go on Honeymoon? Details on the honeymoon etc.

In terms of your honeymoon, the two of you go away camping. Somewhere away from civilisation, so the two of you can make as much as noise as the two of you want. Being out in the woods allows the two of you to make love practically anywhere, from the hood of his truck, underneath the stars, in the nearby lake. The possibilities are nearly endless. 

Having a honeymoon in the woods, also means the two of you can spend some quality time together. There's no one else, the two of you can do whatever you want whenever you want. Throughout your honeymoon, it's the perfect time for the two of you to be free and enjoy the early days of your marriage together.

I for Intimacy - What do like they like? Where do they like to be intimate? Are they experienced etc

Merle loves sex as we know he's pretty open about it. So he's not afraid to experiment in the bedroom, but one thing he acknowledges is the two of you need to communicate, especially when it comes to experimentation. So if the two of you want to try something new, the two of you talk about it to make sure both of you are comfortable.

In the past, Merle has had many different partners, so he is a very knowledgeable man. He knows exactly how to please you in as many ways as possible. In terms of locations, he likes to have sex just about anywhere. He doesn't care where or when if the two of you want to have sex, then Merle will make it happen whether possible.

J for Jealously - How jealous are they? How often do they get jealous? How they react? etc

Merle is an extremely jealous man. He doesn't like anyone trying to take you away from him, which comes from a place of insecurity and possessiveness. If he sees someone "flirting" with you, then he's going to get annoyed about it. In Merle's mind, they're trying to take you away from him, and you are the best thing that's ever happened into him.

Over time, you begin to pick up Merle's reactions to certain situations, so you reassure him before he goes over and gets into an altercation with the person in question. Sometimes it's a gentle peck to his lips, others it's distracting him completely and putting his full focus onto you. Merle loves that you read him as well as you do.

K for Kink - Do they have any particular kinks?

Merle likes it when you dress up for him. He doesn't care what colour it is or the material it's made of, knowing that you've made the effort turns him on. Merle also likes it when you take control, as much as he loves control when the two of you are having sex, Merle loves it when you decide to take over. He especially loves it when he's stressed or angry.

The truth is, Merle will try just about anything so in regards to kinks, Merle has to try them out before he can say he likes them or not. He's not afraid to try anything out.

L for Long Distance - How do they cope with Long Distance? How they prefer to keep in contact? etc

Merle doesn't cope with long-distance well. If the two of you have to go out of state when he will try and take you with him or vice versa. You are the only person besides Daryl who can reason with him, so he always wants you close by, that and he just misses you too much.

If the two of you have to be apart, then Merle prefers to call you rather than text, that way the two of you can talk, and he can hear your voice. Sometimes your voice is all he needs.

M for Marriage - Do they want to get married? Their wedding etc.

Out of the women Merle's been with you are the one that Merle wants to settle down with. The wedding is outside and a relaxed occasion, but that doesn't make it any less romantic. You're surrounded by your family and friends and those who are dearest to you. The ceremony is beautiful and charming, and then it's party time.

The reception is full of people enjoying themselves and having a good time. Your wedding with Merle is the perfect balance of romantic and entertaining. The two you marry your soulmate, so what more could you ask for.

N for Night’s Out - Where do they take their partner on nights out? How often do nights out happen?

On a night out, you and Merle tend to hit the local bar. The two of you dance, drink beer and play pool. The two of you go so frequently you become regulars. It's almost always a nice atmosphere, the two of you can laugh and flirt. No-one cares if you and Merle are showing a little too much PDA.

Although there are times when Merle gets a little too drunk and ends up in a  drunken brawl. Most of the time, it's because a guy looks at you the wrong way other times Merle's just looking for a fight.

O for Often - How often do you see each other? How many times a week? etc

The two of you see each other virtually all the time. There's not a day that does by even when you and Merle don't see each other. Merle would much rather hang around at your place than his. He just finds it more comfortable to be around. There are no memories of his Father lingering around the place.

Eventually, you give Merle a couple of draws at your place just so he can keep clothes at yours. You always make sure there are enough food and beer at your place just-in-case Merle stops by.

P for Public Displays of Affection - Do they like PDA? Do they have boundaries etc.

Merle loves PDA. Firstly, he loves to feel of your lips on his he loves your touch on his skin. Merle loves to hold you in public there are times when it brings him great comfort to him. It's also a reminder to the people that you are his, and that's not going to change anytime soon.

In regards to boundaries with Merle, he doesn't have any. He doesn't care who he offends or if he makes anyone uncomfortable. It's his relationship and his body and as long as you're comfortable with it, no one can say anything about it.

Q for Quiet - Why do they get quiet? How does their partner solve it?

Merle gets quiet whenever something is bothering him. Merle likes to give off this tough persona, but you are the only who he lets into the other side of him. It's not easy for you to break down his walls, and it takes time. However, when you finally achieve that, it allows your relationship to strengthen.

When Merle's quiet the only thing you really can do is hold onto Merle, whether it's wrapping your arms around him or coming up and giving him some sort of affectionate. Merle wouldn't immediately want to talk about it, but when he finally decides to the best thing you can do is sit there and listen.

R for Reunion - How they like to reunite with their partner?

When you and Merle reunite the two of you cannot keep your hands off of each other. Whether it's been a couple of days or a few weeks, it doesn't matter. Anytime away from you, is too long. So when the two of you reunite it's always going to interesting.

Expect Merle to be all over you, and he doesn't care where you are. He is more than willing to lift you onto the front of the truck just so the two of you can make out. Also expect some sweet lovemaking, when you get home or before it.

S for Surprise - Do they like surprises? What kind of surprises do they like to get etc?

Merle loves surprises. Albeit, Merle never actually expects surprises so whenever he gets them, he's surprised. Merle never expects anything good to happen to him, so a surprise is heartwarming for him. Every day, he's thankful for you. You are so good for him and to him that he knows he has to cherish you.

As for the kinds of surprises that Merle enjoys. He loves the ones where you're dressed in something sexy for him, but he also loves one of the ones that are surprising like a home-cooked meal or a brand new bottle of aftershave. For Merle, the small things do count.

T for Texts - How often do they text? How do they react when they receive texts from their partner?

Merle isn't a big fan of texting. He's old-school in many ways, so he doesn't necessarily like to text. He would much rather call you or see you in person. So don't expect to get too many text messages from Merle. On the other hand, Merle does like to receive texts.

Knowing that you're thinking of him during the day instantly makes his day better. Even if it's a simple hello or a reminder to pick something up at the grocery store, texts from you make Merle's day. Merle just needs to learn how to write them back and learn how to use emoji.

U for Unity - How well do they work with their partner? Do they make a good team?

In a world where the world contains the Walking Dead, you and Merle have to work together as a team. While before the beginning of the end of the world, the two of you had worked together in doing simple DIY tasks. However, when your lives are at state, the two of you learn to communicate and work together quickly.

Overall, the two of you work well together. As the world gets worse, the two of you seem to strengthen. People who see you together tend to think you will crumble, but the two of you know better than that.

V for Vacation - Favourite vacation spot to take their partner?

When the two of you want to get away for a weekend or a week. The two of you tend to go camping out in the woods, much like your honeymoon going to the woods for camping provides you with the privacy you both need. Getting away from the craziness of city life, being surrounded by nothing but trees is relaxing.

In the takeaway from society, Merle teaches you to track and hunt, basic survival skills so he knows you can look after yourself. The two of you also go on treks to explore the beauty that the world has to offer.

W for When - At what point do they move into together? What kind of place? etc

The two of you move into together relatively quickly. Within a few months, two of you move into your trailer in which that you live in. The two of you notice that it's a little bit snug, however, the two of you start a fund to look, for an actual apartment with.

The apartment fund has been restarted a couple of times since Merle has taken it for his drug habit, however, the two of you are determined to get a bigger place one day.

X for X-ray - What is their favourite body part on their partner?

Merle loves your hips. He loves to grab you by them, to hold you by them, to squeeze them etc. Albeit, it's the most conventional body part to like, but he can't get enough of them. He loves you any sort of tight jeans/trousers/skirt. Anything that accentuates the curves of your hips.

He will gladly go out and buy you whatever clothing you want as long as you wear it for him and only him.

Y for you - A random headcanon about your relationship.

Merle is proud of the differences between the two of you. He likes that the two of you have so many differences. He enjoys the fact that you give him room to grow as a person, and while it might take a while he wants to grow with you and for you.

Z for Zoom - Zoom into the future, what does your future look like?

Your future with Merle is not easy. There are many crosswords in your way, however, the two of you go forward as a strong united team. There are many battles in your relationship, but it's winning the war that matters. The two of you are happy together, so what does it matter about other people's opinion. You and Merle are happy and the two of you, eventually save up and get that apartment that you dream off. 

Relationship Alphabet

[chilly-me-softly]

Old Scars Future Heart • Chapter 9

So @alexajanecollins and I just wanna prepare you all... next one will be the last one!

Chapter 1   Chapter 4     Chapter 7 Chapter 2   Chapter 5     Chapter 8 Chapter 3   Chapter 6

Tag: @no-fate-but-what-we-make @vxrgilvandijk @saintfootball @mwdders

Other days had passed and no sign of James. Many times Liv had opened their conversation with the intention of sending him a few texts, the last of the conversation was a red heart still beating while hers only hurt now at the thought of James angry with her. 

In short, that's how siblings work, you fight and then you go back to normal without the need to say or do anything. That’s the rule. Instead, the fact that he hadn't been heard from for days or that she felt inside herself that the situation wasn’t normal, made everything even sadder. 

She had Ben of course, but a boy can't replace a brother. Sometimes all she felt was anger, at her and at him. Because James wasn't dead and she acted like he was, walking around the house hoping for a message or a call that never came. And then she just thought fuck James Daniel Maddison, if you are such a child that you don't talk to me anymore because I fell in love then I don't want anything to do with you anymore. And then she'd end up crying in the shower.

Sometimes she was just sad, she thought about telling James something funny and laughing with him, but instead the smile faded on her face remembering why she couldn't do it. 

Many times Ben had pretended not to hear her crying, or believe she was having an allergic reaction. But it couldn't go on like that. He sees them basically every day and needless to say, they're both a wreck but they'll never admit it. And the time had come to resolve the situation, because if the Maddison brothers are stubborn, Ben Chilwell can stand up for himself when he's fighting for something he cares about. 

"Ben, I need to talk to you about something" she says that day when he just sat on the couch. 

The boy gives her his total attention, curious but also hoping that she has decided to make the first move and forget what James said in a moment of anger.

What he doesn't expect, though, is what Liv really tells him. It's not the name of her brother coming out of her mouth, it's Jack. His friend with whom she's had an 'affair', the one he's kept away from quite a bit lately given the situation. 

He never knew all their history, never asked and never wanted to know it. But maybe he should have, he thinks clenched his fists while she kept talking and he listened without saying a word.

The truth is that after that message after that post, others followed. All without a response from Liv, except for a few to remind him to stay away from her. 

Think back to what James said when he accused her of being a profiteer and playing on his friends' feelings. Maybe he's right, he's always been right. She played on Jack's feelings, even though she made it clear that she only wanted a relationship without any special involvement. Because his moves, his invitation for a coffee or something more serious out of the bed area had continued for a few months before she decided to end it. She led him on, and it was all her fault. Liv feels - indeed she knows for sure - that if she doesn't sort out that situation once and for all, she will never be able to live her story with Ben one hundred per cent. 

"Um, how much would it bother you if I went to talk to Jack? Just be honest with me, okay?"

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asks almost immediately.

"No! What- no Ben. I don't need bodyguards, Jack's not dangerous. But answer my question"

"Are you asking me if I trust you?" Ben steps back to the realization of that, his tone of voice a little incredulous.

"Answer. The. Question" 

"I-I sure it would bother me, he's in love with you"

"Oh, so you want to come so you can mark your territory?" she asks cheeky, but Ben just rolls his eyes and keeps talking. 

"But I know you have to talk to him, like have a real conversation with him so... if it's my permission you're looking for, permission granted" he giggles at the absurdity of that thing but forgets everything right away when she throws herself into his arms and he holds her.

"Actually, it was already decided, I asked you to let you know that I was going to go" she shrugs and again Ben is amazed at how incapable he is of anticipating her. In those days, more than all the others he had spent with her, he realized who Olivia really was. A purely independent person, but with her moments of weakness and sweetness. And he's not saying he's her little slave ready to satisfy her tantrums, only that she would be a perfect woman even without a man on her side. 

"In that case, I hope you come back soon"

"I'll be back before you can say hi" she giggles straddling him before she kisses him. 

The next morning Liv faces that hour drive thinking about the best way to approach Jack and have a peaceful conversation. She knows what she wants to say to him and what she wants him to understand once and for all, but when Jack opens the door and a grin is painted on his face, her whole purpose of being a pacifist ends up in the nearest trash can.

"What a surprise, your boy dump-?" he starts but taking him by surprise, Liv pushes him inside and starts hitting him as hard as she can. 

"When I tell you you have to stop texting me, you have to stop texting me!" she screams between the blows until Jack reacts and manages to lock her up against the wall, her hands tight in one of his hand and her body pressed against his. 

"Do you want a cup of tea?" his breath slams against her cheek as she looks at him badly. 

"No, you idiot" and he shrugs leaving her wondering what just happened as he heads into the kitchen to get the cup that's in plain sight on his counter. 

She follows him after a while clutching the bag's shoulder strap in her hands, he gestures to her with one hand to sit down and she jumps on the table making him raise his eyes to the sky. 

"So, to what do I owe your visit?" he asks disinterested and Liv knows that it's a way to avoid showing the person facing you how you really feel, she does it too most of the time, but at that moment she really wants to take his eyes out. 

"Wasn't that enough?" she asks, bored kicking her feet in the air, making him laugh in the tea. 

"That? Jack didn't feel a thing"

"Jack's about to get a kick in the balls" she warns him, looking at him badly again and he puts the cup on the counter crossing his arms to his chest. 

"You're the one who drove an hour to get here, aren't you?" 

"Because Ben is important to me Jack! He really is, and I don't want to lose him because of you" Liv sincerely admits looking him in the eye. He tries to keep her gaze but after a moment he finds himself looking away, his floor more interesting at the moment. 

"I'm really sorry Jack, but I made things clear a while ago. We can stay friends if you want, if you can keep your friend there at bay. But nothing more, it's not my fault if I-"

"If you're in love with him" he ends the sentence for her, "Do you love him, Liv?" Jack asks that question looking her in the eye and she has no hesitation in answering it. 

"Yes"

While Liv was fighting one of her battles, someone else was facing his. 

Ben stood at James' front door, waiting for the last wave of bravery to raise his arm and knock on that door. He'd made it that far and he certainly wouldn't leave now. 

Things were no better between him and James than they were between the two siblings. Not that they'd had an argument or anything, from that day on James had just stopped looking for him, stopped answering his texts and treated him as if he was just a colleague in training. And he had put Liv in first place, trying to stay close to her, but the truth is that James is also his friend and he misses hanging out with him.  

He's about to knock when, "Are you looking for someone Ben?" James' voice comes from behind him and makes him jerk. 

Ben turns around unable to understand what is happening to him all of a sudden, while he remains silent watching James turn his house keys in one hand and Diego's leash in the other. Then he overtakes him and doesn't close the door in his face when he enters the house so he thinks it's a strange invitation to come in. 

He has been in that house over and over again during those years and yet now he feels like an unwelcome guest, it's a strange feeling to describe. It's like entering a house for the first time and wanting to sit down, but out of politeness he expects the landlord to invite him to do so. Only the landlord is James in this case, and he's pretending not to see him. 

"You and I have never talked about it" he starts, at the end of the sentence he finds himself almost out of breath and it's not the time for a panic attack. 

James, however, doesn't answer, he still has his back to him but Ben is sure he heard it because his movements become more awkward before leaving what he is doing and lowering his head sighing, his hands clinging to the counter marble so hard that his knuckles turn white. 

"James"

"What do you want, Ben?" he asks frustratedly as he finally turns to look at him, running his hand through his hair and messing them up a bit. 

His eyes are like fire, he doesn't think he's ever even seen him like that even on the pitch. For a moment he thinks if he said another word, he'd punch him. Well, he's willing to take his chances if he can make him feel better. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, okay? But there's one thing in this whole thing I'll never apologize to anyone, I fell in love James okay and I didn't decide that. She's a bomb, she just swept me off my feet and I didn't even know it"

"She's my sister" James states firmly, too stubborn to even lower the wall of idiotic beliefs he had practically built on his own in those days.

"And I'm your best friend, you know I would never hurt her"

"Why her?"

"I told you James, I don't know. We met a couple of times and it's not like I planned on falling in love with her, I just know I'm in trouble now because it's too late to back out"

"That word, love... you keep saying it. Do you love her?" 

"Will you hit me if I answer truthfully?" James just rolls his eyes as an answer, the shadow of a smile on his face. 

"Like I said, I'm in big big trouble. Yes James, I love Liv. I love your sister"

"Ehw don't ever tell me this again" a laugh escapes Ben's lips before he can control it.

"Are we okay?" 

"I won't kiss you Chilly" jokes James by shaking his head, "But I haven't had an opponent to beat at FIFA for days"

[arysafics]

Untouched

Prompt:  Clarke's in her late twenties and is still a virgin. Dating Bellamy, who's had multiple partners before her, makes her nervous, but Bellamy makes her first time great.

for @the100kinkmeme

Rated E, ~3,100 words

She hasn’t told him yet. She keeps meaning to, because she knows she has to eventually, and it’s not like she hasn’t had plenty of opportunities. Like every time they’re making out on her couch and she asks him to stop before he can sneak his hand between her legs, like she knows he wants to. Like she wants him to, but the further they take it, the closer she gets to having to tell him, and it’s too embarrassing to say out loud.

Because how does she tell him that she’s almost thirty and she’s never had sex? That’s she’s never been so much as fingered by somebody who isn’t herself? It’s pathetic, she knows it’s pathetic. He’ll wonder what the fuck is wrong with her. Because there must be something wrong with her, right? Why else does someone go twenty-nine years without being fucked?

She hasn’t even dated in the last few years, because she knows everyone expects sex on the first date, or the second or third at the latest. Clarke doesn’t want to have sex with someone she hardly knows, especially for the first time.

Maybe there is something a little wrong with her. But the truth is, she can’t imagine herself having sex with someone who she isn’t one hundred per cent comfortable around. It’s got to be someone she would trust with her life, someone who makes her feel safe, wanted, loved. She’s never trusted anyone that much. Never felt like she could be totally herself around anyone, not even her own mother.

Her friends who know think she’s being ridiculous, and honestly, sometimes Clarke does too. It’s just sex, right? She should just get it over and done with. She should have just got it over and done with when she was in college. Had some drunken hook up like the rest of her friends. But she’s heard so many horror stories about how people lost their virginity. Forced or coerced into it. Maybe it was consensual, but their partner didn’t care enough to make sure it was good. Or the experience itself was fine, good even, but then they were abandoned by the person they thought they trusted.

So it’s not just sex to Clarke. It’s being totally and completely vulnerable with someone, and trusting that they won’t laugh at her, either for the way she looks or for her inexperience. Trusting that they’ll take care of her. That they won’t try to push her to do things she doesn’t want to do. That they’ll be patient with her, and gentle, and they won’t get mad if she changes her mind. That they’ll hold her after and that they’ll still be there in the morning.

She finally feels that way with Bellamy, and she’s desperate for him. They’ve been dating for three months now, and they were friends for a year before that. Even before they started dating, she was thinking about him fucking her, and now she’s fingering herself every night after he leaves, wishing she could just get up the courage to tell him she’s a virgin so she can stop being one already.

She could just not tell him, she knows that. But she’s worried that once he starts fucking her it will become obvious how inexperienced she is. Not that she thinks that will make him run. He’s already waited three months to have sex with her, and he’s never pressured her, never even asked her why she won’t have sex with him. She knows he’s not sleeping with anyone else. So she figures he must really like her.

Plus, she just really wants to tell him. She wants to be open with him. She wants him to know everything about her.

He takes her home after their date, and she doesn’t even bother inviting him inside anymore, doesn’t need to when she’s holding his hand as she walks through her front door. She’s going to tell him tonight, she’s definitely going to tell him tonight. She’s got a stash of condoms in her underwear drawer, plus a bottle of lube. She’s wearing her sexiest underwear, which she bought especially for him, a month ago now, though he still hasn’t seen it.

She dithered in the shower before their date about whether or not to shave her pussy. What if he thinks it’s gross? But then she realised that she doesn’t want to be with someone who thinks any part of her is gross, least of all some perfectly natural pubic hair. She doesn’t think he’ll care anyway. She trusts him. She trusts him with her body, and with her whole heart.

She keeps her hand in his, gripping it tighter than she ever has before. Her heart races as she leads him towards her bedroom.

“Bedroom, huh?” Bellamy says. “This is new.” There’s a hint of light teasing in his voice, and Clarke blushes.

She turns to him once they’re in her room, and he shuts the door behind him. He’s never been in her bedroom before. She likes the way he fills the space, with his broad shoulders and his big arms. She likes the way he’s looking at her, waiting for her to make the first move.

She grabs his hands in hers, and walks backwards towards the bed, until the backs of her knees hit the mattress, and she falls down onto it.

“Kiss me,” Clarke says, looking up at Bellamy. He leans down, and brushes his lips lightly across hers. She shivers. He presses his lips against hers, a little harder, his tongue ever so slightly slipping between her lips before he opens his mouth to kiss her deeper.

She’s kissed people before Bellamy, of course. She dated a little bit in college, kissed a few people on dancefloors at clubs while drunk. But she never felt anything like what she feels when he kisses her. Like the only thing that exists is his lips. Like she never wants him to stop. His kiss gets her cunt throbbing, and she knows she needs him tonight. She can’t put it off any longer, or she might die of sexual frustration.

She lies back, and Bellamy puts his hands on the bed, and then his knees, crawling on top of her, still kissing her languidly. His mouth moves from her lips to her jaw, then he’s brushing soft kisses down her neck. She bites her lip as his kisses grow more heated. He wants her tonight too.

“Bellamy,” Clarke says, her voice all breathy. He pulls back to look at her. “I have to tell you something,” she says, glancing down. She can already feel her face heating up. If she can just get the words out, she knows everything will be fine from there.

“What is it, baby?” Bellamy murmurs. He brushes a strand of hair away from her face delicately.

“I, um. I really want to have sex with you,” she says, and she knows she sounds absolutely idiotic already. Bellamy grins.

“Yeah?” he says. God, he’s waited so long. No wonder he looks so excited right now.

“It’s just—” she swallows.

“What?” Bellamy asks. He shakes his head, searching her eyes, concern etched on his face. Concern for her. Like she can’t have sex with him because she’s dying or something.

“I’m—” she starts. “I mean, I’ve never—” she swallows. “I’ve never done it before.”

He looks confused for a brief moment, before realisation washes over his face. “You’re a virgin,” he says. Clarke nods. She watches for his reaction, because even though she’s pretty sure he’ll be okay with it, there’s a tiny bit of her that’s still afraid he’ll laugh at her, or that he’ll break up with her.

“Okay,” is all he says.

“It’s okay?” Clarke asks.

“Of course it is, baby,” Bellamy says. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Clarke doesn’t know why, but she finds her eyes welling with tears. “I don’t know,” she whispers. “Because it’s weird. Because I’m nearly thirty and I’ve never had sex. Because I’ll probably be terrible at it, next to all the other girls you’ve slept with.”

“That doesn’t matter to me, Clarke,” Bellamy says. He wipes a tear from her cheek, then presses his mouth to her other cheek to kiss away the matching tear. “You’re going to be perfect.”

“Okay,” Clarke whispers. If he says it, then it must be true.

“You want it to be now? Tonight?” he asks her.

Clarke nods eagerly. “Please. I don’t want to wait any longer.” He kisses her, hard and deep.

“I’m going to make it so good for you, baby,” Bellamy promises. “I feel so lucky that you picked me to be your first.”

If she had any remaining doubts after his initial reaction, they’re all gone now. His words have the effect of both comforting her and turning her on. Something about his deep, reassuring voice, calling her baby and telling her how lucky he is to be the one to take her virginity.

“Can I ask you what you have done?” he whispers, pressing his lips against her ear. “Anybody ever put their fingers inside you?”

“No,” Clarke says. “I’ve only done what we’ve done,” she admits. “Nothing else.”

She hears his breath hitch. God, it turns him on, she realises. It turns him on to know that he gets to be the first to do everything to her. With her.

“I can’t wait to see you naked,” Bellamy says. “You have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about this.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea,” Clarke giggles.

“I’m not sure you do,” Bellamy says, deadly serious.

“Well,” Clarke says, swallowing. She drops her voice. “I won’t keep you waiting any longer.”

She sits up, and Bellamy sits up with her, on his knees. Clarke pulls at her top where it’s tucked into her skirt, and drags it over her head. Bellamy’s eyes fall on her breasts, encased in a lacy, burgundy-coloured demi-cup. Clarke flushes under his heated gaze.

“This is pretty,” Bellamy says thickly, fingering the strap of her bra. As if it’s the bra he’s mesmerised by. “Did you buy this just for me?”

Clarke nods. He trails his finger down the strap, then presses his open palm over her breast. He’s touched her like this before, but only with her clothes on. Clarke reaches around her back and unclasps her bra. She lets it fall from her chest shyly, revealing her tits to him, to anyone, for the first time.

“You are so beautiful,” he tells her. Clarke ducks her head bashfully. He surges forward to kiss her again, and he pushes her back down on the bed, devouring her mouth with his own, while one hand fondles her tits, and with the other he lightly strokes her belly with his thumb.

“Let me take care of you, baby,” he says. “You tell me if you want me to stop.”

“Okay,” Clarke agrees.

Bellamy lowers his mouth to her left breast, sucking at the soft flesh. He keeps one hand on her waist, and the other trails up her thigh, higher and higher, pushing her skirt up. He kisses between her breasts, then down her stomach, settling himself between her legs, so he’s looking at her pussy, barely covered by a pair of sheer panties, the same colour as her bra.

She watches him, her heart racing, as he presses a kiss to her inner thigh, and then another, a little high up.

“This okay?” he asks her, his mouth centimetres from her cunt. Clarke is absolutely throbbing from the thought of him putting his mouth there.

“Yes,” she breathes. He lowers his head, and his lips make contact with her panties. Clarke drops her head back against the bed, unable to handle both the sensation and the visual.

“Nobody’s ever done this for you before?” Bellamy asks.

“Uh-uh,” Clarke shakes her head.

“Can I take your panties off?”

“Mmhmm.”

He pulls her skirt down first, discarding it on the floor. Then he slowly drags her panties down, and Clarke squirms with impatience.

“There we go,” Bellamy says, once her panties are gone. She’s naked in front of him. She doesn’t feel embarrassed, or worried that he thinks she’s ugly. He eyes her with such reverence, like he really thinks she’s a goddess.

He trails a finger along her slit, and Clarke can feel her arousal dripping onto him. He dips his finger into her folds, stopping just shy of her entrance. “Have you had anything inside you before?” he asks.

Clarke nods. “My fingers. A vibrator.”

“What do you think of when you get yourself off, baby?”

“You,” Clarke says. “Fucking me. Taking my virginity.”

Bellamy groans. He pushes a thick finger insider her. Much thicker than her own fingers, although not as thick as her vibrator.

Clarke lets out a quiet whimper as Bellamy moves his finger inside her. He keeps his finger inside her as he puts his mouth back on her pussy. His tongue finds her clit, and she gasps at the contact.

“Yes,” she moans, though she’s not sure she means to. He pulls his finger from inside her, using his tongue more generously, licking her pussy, delving between her folds, then back to her clit. He worships her cunt with his tongue, and she can’t stop the noises that escape her mouth as she hurtles towards orgasm.

“Bellamy,” she pants. “Bell, I’m gonna come—oh my god. I’m—” she cuts herself off with a moan, her orgasm hitting her midsentence. She pushes her pussy against his face as she comes, his tongue still inside her.

He lifts his head, and his mouth is covered with her arousal.

“Fuck me,” Clarke says. “Please,” she says. “Take my virginity.”

“Condom?” Bellamy asks.

“Top drawer,” Clarke points to the dresser.

Bellamy gets off the bed and hurries to the dresser, opening the top drawer and pulling a condom out. Clarke suddenly realises he’s still completely dressed. Not for long though. His shirt is gone by the time he gets back to the bed, and his pants soon follow. Clarke’s stomach flips over when she realises she’s about to see his cock for the first time.

He sheds his boxers, and for the first time since he assured her he was okay with her being a virgin, she’s nervous. She’s not entirely sure how she’s going to fit that thing inside her.

“Bellamy—” she says, unsure.

Bellamy looks up from where he’s rolling the condom onto his cock. God, he looks so excited. So excited to finally fuck his virgin girlfriend, and she’s made him wait so long for it. He’s been so patient, so understanding. She can’t disappoint him now.

“Everything okay?” he asks her.

“It’s big,” she says, still nervous about it.

“You can take it, baby, I know you can,” Bellamy assures her. “But if you don’t want to—”

“No, I want to,” Clarke says quickly. “Just—be gentle with me?”

“Of course, baby,” he coos. “I promise I’ll be so gentle with you. Gonna make it so good for you.”

Clarke nods, and Bellamy crawls back onto the bed. He’s so hard for her. She wonders how often he masturbates to the thought of her. How often he gets hard while he’s just kissing her.

“Okay, relax, baby,” Bellamy says. “You can tell me to stop at any time, okay?”

“Okay.”

He kisses her again, his chest against her chest, her nipples pressed up against him. His strong arms around her make her feel safe. She can feel his big cock settle between her thighs, the tip pressing firmly against her entrance. Her pussy clenches, feeling desperately empty. She needs him, needs him so badly.

“Bellamy,” she whines. He pushes his cock into her, just a little. The stretch is unbelievable, but it feels so good. He holds her steady in his arms.

“Okay?” he asks.

“Yes,” Clarke gasps.

“You’re trembling.”

“I’m okay,” she says. “Please, Bellamy. Please.”

He keeps going, and Clarke clutches him tightly as he sinks deeper into her, slowly, gently, until she’s got the whole thing inside her, and she’s shaking, tears forming in her eyes. Her head spins. The pleasure of having him inside her is overwhelming. This is what she’s been missing out on. And yet, she’s glad she never did this with anyone else. This is how it was meant to be, it was meant to be him.

“You okay, baby?” Bellamy asks her. His voice sounds strained, and Clarke knows he’s desperate to come, to fuck her properly, finally. “You’re not a virgin anymore.”

“I’m amazing,” Clarke says.  “You can fuck me now.”

“Fuck,” Bellamy groans. He pulls out just a little, then thrusts back into her. “You feel so good, baby. And it’s all just for me, isn’t it? Nobody else.”

“Uh huh.”

He rocks into her, building up a gentle rhythm. He’s kissing her, wherever his lips can reach, while his cock pulses inside her cunt, each thrust and each kiss winding her tighter and tighter.

He’s breathing heavy now, panting hard, fucking her faster. Her second orgasm hits her by surprise, and as she cries out, Bellamy gives a groan, and then he’s coming too.

He collapses on top of her, spent. Clarke can feel him breathing hard, in time with her. He rolls off her, and Clarke immediately misses the weight of him. He doesn’t go far though, lying next to her, his fingers entwining with hers. He presses a kiss to her shoulder.

“How was your first time?” he asks.

“Better than I could have imagined,” Clarke smiles, shy almost.

“I’m glad.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke says, turning over on her side to face him. “Thank you.”

“For taking your virginity?”

“Well—yes. But for making me feel safe. And loved.” His eyes widen, and Clarke realises what she’s said. “Not that—you know, I think you love me,” she says quickly, her face turning red. “I just meant, that, you know—that you care about me and—”

He cuts her off with a kiss. “I do love you,” he whispers, brushing his nose against hers. “You should know that your first time was with someone who loves you.”

Tears prick at her eyes again. What a cliché, crying after losing her virginity. But she can’t help it, because he loves her, and she loves him too.

“I love you too,” she murmurs.

[eleart2019]

A simple case of exhaustion - a vampire story

She was very surprised about that, but the cold remained, the sweating continued…her pallor was almost ghastly. She examined her reflection in the mirror, if she looked very pale and felt cold, she didn’t look ill at all, strangely, the young woman who looked at herself was…beautiful. Somehow, this illness had enhanced some quality, she couldn’t say what, but the body looked toned, athletic now, her eyes, pretty in normal circumstances, sparkled. Her hair was fuller…so it seemed to her, shiny, voluptuous…ah. A bit of bed sheet action, can do that for you and more…she examined the blemish on her neck…it had almost completely healed.

She was cold, very cold. She stumbled to the bed, an incredible pain, running through her whole body it seemed, from her spine down, hit her like an éclair and she screamed in pain, except, not a scream came out, but a beastly growl, a guttural, low, animal noise which took her aback, even in pain as she was.

She kneeled on the floor, bent in two, in foetal position, when again pain run through her, but this time she managed to control her voice, and wanted to cry, but she couldn’t, as no tears would come out of her eyes. The pain was so intense, so lasting, that the five minutes this continued were to Nat like an hour: but it did end, leaving her exhausted, on the floor, in a cold sweat…she lay there for quite a while, not even able to feel panic anymore, so consumed by the pain she had been. She lost consciousness then, and there was really nothing she could do about that…still strangely lucid, the last thought she recalled was that this was her death, she was watching her death.

But she did wake up…feeling nauseous again. It wasn’t as bad as it had been, and as she stood up she realised that she could walk freely, so she grabbed some clean clothes, brushed her hair and refreshed her face-so pale! –ready to go to hospital, for a full examination and maybe a solution to this problematic illness.

“It’s most likely a case of exhaustion, brought by intense study and a very rich schedule…I see here, Natalie, that you are one of you’re the top students at your institution” the doc, a young doctor who happened to be on turn at A & E, kept studying Nat’s tongue and eyes, checking the colour of her membranes.

Some pressing on her pulse and a reassuring smile.

“Your blood pressure is low, and, I maybe wrong, but I’m almost certain, there is a lack of iron…have you had fainting spells lately?”

Nat felt frustration coming up: there was something distinctly patronising about the medic, his blond preppy looks betraying a good university and a lot of daddy’s money…she could smell, faintly, some good cologne on him. She wondered if doctors were supposed to wear cologne at work.

“The thing is, I was perfectly healthy until two days ago. Then…this. What I am most concerned is the blood, I don’t understand what may have cause to throw up blood” she swallowed and winced. Very mildly, but she had still occasional cramps in her stomach.

“It is indeed worrying, but it seems that it was an isolated case. Besides, are you a hundred per cent sure that was blood?”

“I could taste it in my mouth!” she said exasperated. Why didn’t he believe her? Why did he think she was a drunken student recovering from a boozy week end, the way he probably did in the old days at uni?

“As I said, it is cause of concern. At present, from what I can see, yours may be a straight forward case of just lightening the workload and taking it a little bit easier on the study and other fronts…”

Again! She felt beaten. The doctor continued, barely noticing the creased expression on her face.

“…what I would suggest, Natalie, is that you stay a couple of days with us, in complete rest, so that we can keep an eye on you. Meanwhile, I will take a few samples of urine and blood so we can check iron values and any anomalies in general..”

Anomalies. He was checking her for drugs! Oh this was great help indeed…but, if indeed there was a problem, they would find out. She was feeling marginally better, the nausea having subsided, some strength gradually returning, but the off feeling still there.

“…a combination of reduced stress and rest should do the trick, Natalie. I’ll send a nurse to take the relevant samples. Anything else, any concerns, let me know Nat, we are here to help.” He was about to say something else but Nat broke in.

“Well there is a concern. This has all started after I had… an encounter with another student.’

The doctor’s expression said to her that this was confirming his prejudice. He nodded.

Nat’s voice was pitched a bit higher now, making her sound almost strident.

“Look, I know this may sound crazy but…he left me these marks here, on the neck” she showed the almost healed bite near the jugular. ”It isn’t fully visible now, here are the pictures I have taken…” she produced the digital camera, and showed the doctor.

He examined the mark and the pictures, attentively, not a hint of irony on his face: he was suddenly very serious.

“Do you know this student well?”

Oh God, this was the inquisition. She paused, then, resigned she answered, seeing where this was going.

“No”

The doctor appeared vaguely troubled now.

“Well, you see, there are quite a few nutters around and this is something very strange indeed. If he has produced such wound on you, I may be inclined to say that you are rather lucky to be here talking to me, now”

Clarity returned to her mind, in the wake of this unpleasant reality. Maybe he was right, after all…she did not know Roland at all and he might be a blood fetishist or something…she sat there, her face devoid of any feeling, any rebellion at this point, accepting the doctor’s view more and more.

She snapped out of it.

“Anyway, Natalie, I’ll organise for samples as soon as possible and we shall see that your system is not affected in any way. I’ll go call the nurse so that this can be done. I’ll be back with you as soon as the results come, so we can discuss any course of action.”

Nat nodded, internally agreed and tossed her head on the other side, observing, spent, the view out of the window.

She knew well somewhere that the doctor’s view was limited and tainted, but she didn’t have the strength, the will to fight it: besides she was as puzzled and as confused as he was, except that he was attempting to give this whole illness a logical explanation, and the only way to do that was to assume that there was more to this story than met the eye, e.i. a drunken night or else.

He was right: there was otherwise no logical explanation for what was happening to her, but this strange thing, she knew, was the truth.

In the following hours, she emptied her bowels many times over, to the point that there was nothing left in: the sense of nausea had gone, but she was very pale indeed. She felt well again, on some level, although something very distinct, very weird, was happening to her, she could clearly sense that: she didn’t know what. She felt also, as the hours passed, an increasing sense of detachment, an absence of fear which she found in herself rather peculiar, as she did tend to be a relatively anxious individual: she dealt with that organizing her life in perfect order. Was she worried in the least about her studies, the papers, uni…the future? She found peculiar that she could remember what it felt to be anxious, but she wasn’t…what was happening to her? She felt… detached. Where was Roland? What had happened three nights ago? Because, whatever the doctor may say, something must have happened then.

What, she could not comprehend: she did need to speak to Roland. He might be a dangerous fetishist, and in that case she had to alert others, the uni, the police, do something…she needed to speak to him first, to gather the truth from his own lips, a truth he would freely disclose or the one he would conceal, with his words, but betray with his gestures. She was good at reading people. She would know only then.

The doctor found her quiet in her room, that evening: there was not much to add, the results were all average and there was no underling cause of worry, according to her blood and urine readings.

“The only thing I would check if I were you in the future” he said neutrally “is your iron levels. They are, as it is, pretty low on a normal scale, the minimum requirement being 12…you being a 13.”

Nat listened, unaffected.

“…this might indicate a dietary deficiency-often vegetarians have this problem, as they don’t eat red meats- or a more problematic structural deficiency…in any case, I have prescribed some iron tablets for you so to avoid any possible problems. All you will need to do is have a good rest, take it easy…and take a course of these tablets. I will examine you in one month’s time, to monitor the situation.”

He was, in the dim light of the room (she only had the table lamp on) -and devoid of the arsehole attitude- rather handsome. Surely he did the best he could to do his job properly…gone was the underlying patronising questioning and the rest: he had probably found no alcohol in her blood.

“Thank you doctor….”

“Sam, please call me Sam… Mcdowell.” He indicated the tag on his coat, and smiled.

“Thank you, Sam” she managed a smile, sincerely grateful.

“What I would suggest, Natalie, is that you stay here tonight and we’ll discharge you. How do you feel about that?”

Nat looked thoughtful for a second, then spoke.

“Ok…but I still don’t understand what happened to me…I feel ok now though.”

“Sure…well, I cannot tell you what happened because it is a mystery to us as well, Nat, in all sincerity…medicine doesn’t have all the answers. Sometimes all we can do is help and try to alleviate. Said this, I would still like to monitor you in the next month or so, to be on the safe side.”

“Sure” she smiled.

He smiled back and after tossing all his papers together, he stood up, about to leave.

“I better …go now. It’s going to be a long night for me. You sleep well.”

“Are on turn on the ward?” she asked.

“Yep!” he said faking a happy smile, in a comical effect.

She laughed. He wasn’t such an arsehole after all.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” and he left the room, leaving behind him an intense scent of musk…was it musk? It was delicious.

And that was it, Sam walked through the long corridor, silence in the ward, the quiet balbbering of the tv in some of the room: all was generally quiet.

Hopefully it will stay like that, he muttered to himself, he really could do with an interrupted sleep, he had worked for 12 hours now, it had been a long turn: still the night to come. So it is, the destiny of the junior doctor.

His room was small, a cubicle, but it had all one needed for a decent sleep and it was wide enough not to give one a claustrophobic feeling: he could have slept in a box, if asked, at this point.

Obviously, he could not wear a pyjamas, but he abhorred wearing clothes in bed, it was a matter of personal hygiene: he took everything off but his Calvin Klein undies (cute on his well formed butt) and a white t-shirt.

He checked his teeth and attended at his personal routine before collapsing on the fresh bed, for some due sleep.

Maybe a couple of hours had passed, maybe three: enough time by any rate to allow Sam to fall into a slow rhythmic deep sleep. She, for some reason, knew, likewise she knew where he was…was it his scent, the musk, she was following? She knew. She passed, barefooted, feeling no cold or else, through the deserted corridors, in the dim neon light that graced this hospital like any other.

She knew where he was. She kept walking, very silently, until she found a door which bore his imprint…the door was of course locked, like it should be, although it magically gave in when she applied what seemed minimal pressure: she knew it mustn’t be so, because a locked door is a locked door, nonetheless, she continued her journey, merely observing what was happening. It was as if, her own old self, which she felt was dying, was watching the new self act and feel and…she closed the door behind her. She could see perfectly in obscurity.

“Doctor…doctor…” she whispered as she approached his lone little bed, where he was dreaming the night away…she might have found him attractive-when?- she merely saw his well formed muscles and the strong body, which was host to a rather healthy life force…she watched him, fascinated. She blew some air on his face, while whispering, again, a number of times, until he came back from a deep sleep, disturbed in his rest and puzzled, as much, to see… Natalie? What the…?

She giggled….she didn’t know what took hold of her, or why she found him so funny as being startled, but she giggled…and provocatively, with a really naughty look in her eyes, she took her top off, exposing a pair of tits that were so perk and peachy they seemed unreal: which he had a full view of as he had rushed to switch the table lamp on. Gosh, she was dead pale, or was it the light?

He was about to say something when she laughed again, this time sitting on the floor, her legs bent and kind of open, her arms back wards, then she put her index finger in her mouth and started licking it like a lollypop: he was entranced, for the inappropriateness of this spectacle in first place, but also and mainly for the transformation Natalie Warren had undergone. She looked in all like the person he had spoken to, but she moved and acted totally out of character-not that he knew her well, but he had put her down as a pretty bookworm who got hammered by a brush with college life- in a way or the other, not this sexy nymph who was attempting to seduce him…but he didn’t have the time, neither to say something nor physically remove her from his sleeping quarters, which he was going to do next.

Nat, with an impossibly fast movement, had grabbed his throat and sank her teeth in it, lustfully: he was unable to move a muscle, as if paralysed by her bloodsucking: moreover, he felt, gradually but surely, his strength and lucidity abandon him…he could smell, blood…it was his blood. She was gorging on it.

She sucked until he died: she knew he was dead because his heart was not beating anymore…had she meant to kill him? God no! Had she meant all of that? Sucking blood, is, for a vampire, the ultimate experience: a young vampire can hardly control their senses once started…he looked ghastly, empty.

Nat felt satiated, full and could feel his life force running through her, be her.

Calmly, with a calm she had not known in her human life, she cleared her mouth of any blood: calculatingly, she took a uniform and a pair of shoes found in the closet of the room, which was used by many doctors and staff, she also took his beeper and his badge.

“Sam” she said aloud, as if reflecting on what had just happened. Yes, what was that? She was almost pleased to discover that she didn’t give a damn. She exited the room, as composed as if nothing of notice had really happened- it hadn’t, no-one had noticed…She found the exit to the hospital, through lifts and corridors, and nodded politely when the guard saluted, her badge well in sight, Dr Sam Mcdowell, finishing her turn…she laughed inwardly, at the happy coincidence. Oh well, not that an exit wouldn’t have been possible otherwise, but this one was spectacular…a name which could be both a female or male name.

Alone, in the middle of the night she walked leisurely towards the uni’s dorm, where she would find her old room, with her old things.

[trulycertain]

All right, so I’m reading Iron Man: Legacy, after having three separate people rec it to me ("It’s got him trying to build his way out of depression after his parents died! It’s got that panel with the winged horse! It’s got the roller skates!”), and I’m currently on Issue 7. I’m enjoying it immensely, and still sad it got cancelled before its time. However, it’s also making me a bit worried for the upcoming run on IIM.

...I should probably explain that, huh?

I'm still hopelessly endeared by Tyree helping Tony solve a problem with the solar cells on a new prototype, and "The way Tony describes tech, he makes it easy - like it was already inside your own head the whole time." And that's because Tony knows it was. It's a much smaller thing with the MCU version, but 616's Stark... his faith in people and his refusal to patronise anyone is a defining character trait. It's one of my favourite things about him. He absolutely has his moments and he does tend to take his wealth and power for granted, but in general, he's never intentionally patronising or trying to hurt unless someone has really, really pissed him off and done something awful. You see it most often with supervillains, or with interfering government execs, or when he’s using it as a persona thing to cut down rival companies. It’s not his default mode.  

And connecting to that, I love how this issue contextualises the class thing. He runs off with a hundred from Tamara’s hidden stash, saying that "as soon as my company’s re-capitalized, I’ll pay you back at a thousand percent interest!” Tony's not trying to hurt anyone, but he doesn't get what it's like to panic at someone getting your rainy-day fund when it may be the second-to-last money you've got. But at the same time...he then goes and gives them a controlling interest in his company, because they’ve helped him out and he wouldn’t be able to get it back without them. Because when he says a thousand per cent interest, he means it. That's just who he is. It's not pity, it's not charity, it's just "you did me a favour within your bounds, I'm repaying it within mine.” He does it again and again through his character arcs. He doesn’t see the point of hoarding money to show off rather than to do something useful with it - with some exceptions. OK, a lot of exceptions.  But he tends to lavish it on other people instead of himself, rather a lot.

In 616, if he is being an eejit, it's often because his brain is working a million miles a minute and someone else hasn't quite got used to the careening-car way of thinking he has. 

There was a shift with Civil War, and partly because Millar has a certain, uh, style of writing characters, but during his own solo storylines, and the issue where he’s in the hands of Bendis... well, that quiet compassion and trying not get in anyone’s way while they’re doing their jobs is still there. When he’s in public, he shows off and grandstands and plays the playboy. When he’s in private and being himself, he’s quieter and more considerate. Both of those come from a place of truth. Heck, this arc I’m reading now is from 2010, explicitly refers to Iron Man 2 coming out, and has kept that. 

And that’s my point, I think. I’m reading this and thinking it exemplifies everything I love about 616 Tony and gets him right, in a very real way. 

And then I wander back to Chrome and get to an interview with Slott about the next run on IIM, where he’s taking over.

They asked, “What would your take be on Iron Man?” I was like, “Cutting edge technology, Robert Downey Jr. in the armor. Except we’re telling stories out of Black Mirror.”

OK, so that on its own is probably a cool idea. But in the context of 616... It’s not really a 616 idea. There’s also a line about making Tony “cool again” rather than “pained and sad”... Yeah, that’s. Hmm. Again, interesting, but not very 616. Heck, I’d argue MCU is still pained and sad, he’s just a little better at hiding it than 616. And kind of hilarious about it, often.

Many of the newer writers have been importing dialogue wholesale from the MCU without thinking about it or seeing the intent behind it. But while that allows for some cool one-liners, and comics are inherently adaptable in the way all longform stories with so many different tellers are, this just... hasn’t worked, and still doesn’t. 

The MCU writers kept a lot of 616 Tony’s traits, they just contextualised them differently and put a whole other slant on it. It's also worth noting that MCU and 616 had rather different childhoods and kinds of abuse to deal with, too, and MCU has had far fewer on-screen struggles with addiction. He also got kicked out of his own arrogance (and OK, we can talk about whether or not that’s a fair descriptor of pre-Afghanistan Tony in either ‘verse and how differently he’s been characterised from writer to writer, yes, but run with me for this sentence?) at a far later age than 616, who has been a superhero trying to help people and putting his life on the line since he was 21.

I mean, I love the movie canon. It's what got me into the character. But 616 and MCU Tonys are different Tonys and I love them both equally. It's like picking a favourite child. Trying to merge them... it doesn’t always work. Much like 616 Tony is different again from Ults Tony, though there are a lot of similarities (and yes, in a lot of ways, MCU is a combination of them both).

616 is an alcoholic, and that fundamentally changes his worldview. MCU may drink a little much and resort to it in times of pain, but it’s never been confirmed he has a drinking problem, and it doesn’t seem to be a fundamental trait in the same way. (It’s just kind of... wrong to see 616 with a cocktail, and yet that’s happened in several issues. And no, those weren’t mocktails. *sigh*) 616 plays the playboy, but is actually pretty monogamous and a bit of a romantic; it’s MCU that does the whole “playboy with a different babe on his arm every night” thing. 616 is very quippy and snarky (he used to be less, but he was always one for a bit of jive talk, and I think this is partly due to styles of writing changing through the eras), but is drier about it and sometimes less obvious than MCU, and his sense of humour, when it isn’t nerdy as all hell, runs towards the darker and sadder more often. 616 cares about his business and actually kind of loves the day-to-day responsibility even when he hates all the paperwork; MCU falls asleep in meetings on paperwork (but still probably takes care of things when he’s not handing them over to Obadiah and then to Pepper, he’s just less obvious and would much rather be the one-man R&D department).

A lot of writers seem to be taking a really superficial “arrogant manchild” read of MCU, which is a misread of him too, and then trying to apply this to 616. It’s like all of the superficial cool with none of the conscience. I mean, the most obvious instance of this is Superior Iron Man, who was meant to be “pre-Afghanistan Tony,” and I just... uh. No. 

In general, I’m not one for “the canon writers are doing it wrong!” But this is fifty years of canon, it’s really hard to catch up on and make into something consistent and yeah, and sometimes I see writers who don’t seem to have read the source material before they’ve started writing for it. I don’t mean the whole thing, just... not even the fundamental arcs. Sometimes that can lead to new and refreshing takes, and sometimes that can just lead to confusion and flanderisation. 

I’m trying to keep an open mind, but... I’m worried. And I keep thinking I’m really missing the kind of Tony we saw in Legacy and bits of Michilinie and Bendis’ runs.

...Anyhow. Open mind, Tru. Open mind. And if things don’t work out, just wander off and find some more back issues to read for a while. Right.

(I just want to mention: Legacy also gives me Tony getting shoved into a shopping trolley and being carried back in that, chestplate silliness, and Tony in a kind of hideous canary yellow football shirt. Thank you, Legacy. I love you, Legacy.)

[ritebeforeyoureyes]

Confessions

Disclaimer my story doesn’t follow the chronology of real life events. Yes, I use some of their real interactions but it’s not all in order, sorry! 

Again, please don’t kill me, I love you all! To the anon who messaged me after the last chapter claiming they liked angst, well here you go, honey! Also, shoutout to Lauren for being a sweetheart and urging me to upload x 

Masterlist – Plot: Tom attends the Bafta’s with his family.

Confessions (Chapter Sixteen)

There was a break between the Spider-Man: Homecoming promotional tour and the premiere and Tom had decided to go home. He was required to be back for the Bafta Award’s ceremony, but he’d decided to extend his stay in London. Promotion had meant that he was forced to see Zendaya every day and not touch her, hold her and it had been killing him inside. It was why he’d made the decision to spend some down time with his family. His brother’s and Harrison were the only people who could seemingly distract him from the drama that was his love life.

Since the day that he and Zendaya had decided to take a break, Tom hadn’t had a proper conversation with his mum either. He knew she was looking out for him, but he couldn’t help but partly blame her for putting the preposterous idea in Zendaya’s head. As a result, there was a clear strain on their mother-son relationship. They avoided each other in the kitchen, didn’t hold conversation over dinner; the whole family had detected something was up, but Nikki and Tom were as stubborn as each other, neither of them ready to make the first move. And, as angry and upset as Tom was, he knew he couldn’t deny her the chance of attending the Bafta ceremony with him. So, Tom had come to the event with his entourage in tow, a niggling voice in the back of his head reminding him that Zendaya wasn’t here.

Yes, they’d taken a break but they’d both reassured one another that their feelings were still there. It wasn’t like a plug switch that you can turn on and off on command, they were both still very much infatuated and that was what was making their separation harder. She’d texted him whilst he was in the taxi, wishing him luck. He could practically picture her sat in bed with her phone, genuinely smiling at the thought of his success. The thought made his heart hurt. If it weren’t for her stupid stalker, she’d be here … granted, they’d probably claim she was supporting her ‘friend’ but at least she’d be with him.

“Stop.” Harry nudged his brother’s stomach softly, his chin jutting out to usher towards Nikki. She kept glancing at her son, worry pasted across her features. She knew his break up with Zendaya was treating him bad and she felt sorry for him. But in the grand scheme of things, this was what was best for him and she didn’t want him to wallow on a night as important as this one. “Just pretend you’re happy tonight, for her.”

Even though he was fighting with his mother, Tom still loved her, always would, and so he nodded in response to Harry. This was a big night for him and he was going to try to enjoy it, even if that meant faking his way through it.

Tom smiled when he was required to, he shook hands with the right people and introduced himself to some big names in the business. He was just a rising star at this point and networking for him was essential. Nobody really took him seriously because he’d inherited Dom’s baby face but as he eloquently introduced himself, people were slowly warming to him as an adult rather than a child. As he did so, Tom noticed his mother watching from a distance. She was letting him do his thing and she was proud of him for overcoming the drama in his personal life to present himself in a respectable manner.

She was even prouder when they announced him as the winner for his category. She couldn’t help it, she was on her feet with the rest of the family, screaming and hollering like the number one fan she was always destined to be. The tears began to well in the depths of her eyes and Dominic, her husband, placed a hand to her elbow, a smile gracing his lips too. The gesture was small, but it was enough for them to exchange how happy and proud they were of their eldest son. This was what Nikki had always wanted for him, a life of possibility and success; something she regretfully knew was going to be hindered if his sex tape was released.

“Proud of you, man.” Tom was thrown into the hustle of congratulations and hugs. Actors and actresses, people he’d only ever seen on TV, had stopped him to say their kind words and Tom was awestruck. It had taken him a good few hours – minutes prior to the after party – before he was reunited with his family. “Let’s go celebrate.” Harry, being Harry, was ready to party and let loose, and frankly, so was Tom.

For the first time in weeks, he didn’t feel this depressing pit in his stomach. He was happy, and his family was happy and for tonight, he could live with that. He was going to enjoy this monumental moment in his career and celebrate. As the family inched towards the ballroom in which the after party was being held, Tom felt his phone go off in his pocket. He was getting an influx of messages from friends and family, but the all-important messages were at the top. Zendaya had messaged him a minute after his award had been announced, she’d technically been the first to congratulate him. The fact that she’d been glued to her TV and quick to message him made his heart swarm. Her text was heartfelt and pure and directly after was the notification for the tweet she’d released to the public. He thanked her quickly before meeting his brothers at the bar.

Like a lot of these Hollywood events, the after party had an open bar and the four lads – Tom, Sam, Harry and Harrison – decided to go a little wild. Nikki and Dom, at first, were letting them enjoy their night before Nikki called Sam over. Out of her three older sons, Sam was the most responsible and she instructed him to keep an eye on Tom.  She knew he was supposed to celebrate, he was granted to after his award, but she also didn’t want him getting so smashed in front of the people he’d just made good first impressions on.

“Tell him to lay off the beer, socialise some more.” Nikki waved her arms about the room. There were so many young, talented actors in the room.  This opportunity was good for him. “Maybe he can make some more contacts, meet a girl-“ As soon as the words came out of Nikki’s mouth she regretted them and Sam just glared at her. He wasn’t stupid, he knew why there was tension between his brother and his mum and he hadn’t questioned it. He had just tried to comfort Tom as best as he could. However, if his mum was trying to set him up so soon after his break up, Sam was one hundred per cent going to side with his brother.

“Don’t.” He shook his head at her. Nikki and Dom had a history of getting involved in their son’s relationships and sometimes it didn’t always end happily. They meant well, their son’s’ best interests at heart, but sometimes it was overbearing and unnecessary. “Don’t do this to him today.”

“I didn’t mean it like that-“

“Just let him enjoy tonight, okay? Please.” Nikki nodded and turned towards her dinner plate, picking at the remnants awkwardly. She hadn’t meant her comment literally. She knew her son loved Zendaya and she knew it would take him a while to get over her, she just thought maybe some harmless flirting would remind him that there were plenty of other fish in the sea. She didn’t mean for him to go out and find a new girlfriend instantly. Her intentions were to get him to be the social, loveable character that he always had been.

“What did Mum say?” Harry asked as soon as Sam returned, and Sam gave him a pointed look, silently telling him to keep his mouth shut. He wasn’t going to reiterate his mother’s words to the boys, he was simply just going to take a step back and watch that Tom didn’t drink too much. But, Harry’s question had everyone’s attention instantly and Sam knew he had to tell his brother the truth. Tom was looking at him expectantly and he knew the truth would come out sooner or later. They didn’t have the type of relationship that consisted of secrets. The boys told each other everything and before Sam could second guess himself, he was telling his brother what had happened honestly.

“Don’t get mad.” Sam added in hurriedly, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. Because as soon as Sam was talking, Tom was scowling. “Mom said watch the alcohol.” He pointed to the beer in Tom’s hands. “And she wants you to socialise, maybe meet a few girls-“

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tom placed the glass beer bottle down against the bar top a little loudly. However, due to the music infiltrating the room, only a few close bystanders heard it. Sam winced a little and held his brother’s arm, urging him to relax and not make a scene. But Tom was suddenly mad.

“Look, just drop it and talk to her about it tomorrow. She’s been really upset the past few days and neither of you are helping make the situation better.”

“Why is she upset?” Tom scoffed, snatching his arm out of the hold of Sam’s. He couldn’t believe his mum was trying to play matchmaker already. His heart still felt raw and vulnerable and whilst he was mad, he wasn’t going to sugar coat the fact that she was partly the reason why he was hurting. Zendaya was a person who thrived on vocal reassurance; Nikki’s words had just confirmed her doubts about being with Tom and made it into a reality. “She’s the one who made my girlfriend break up with me, she’s the reason Zendaya’s not here-”

“Oh, come on, bro, you know that’s not true.” Sam sighed. He hated when everybody fought and as the peacemaker of the family he felt it was his responsibility to sort everybody’s kinks out. “We can talk about it tomorrow, don’t do this on your big night.”

Tom nodded but his brother’s and consequently his mother’s words sat at the forefront of his brain all night. He could feel her eyes on him and some weird, spiteful part of him wanted to do exactly what she asked of him. He’d grown up doing everything his parents had asked of him. They’d put him in ballet and kids at school teased him for it, but he did it anyway because it’s what his parents wanted. He went into show business because they asked him to. And yes, he enjoyed it all, but it had always started off with what they wanted. Years later, he was still doing what they wanted, and it seemingly wasn’t enough for them. Tonight, he’d done the socialising part and it still hadn’t made his mum content.

So, with a very petty smirk in her direction, Tom approached a young actress whose name was circulating in the business, Ella Purnell. He wasn’t flirting with her or anything of that sort, they said hello, smiled for a picture and then separated but as they spoke, Tom kept looking back at his mum, their eyes fixated on each other. He was trying to prove a point. It didn’t matter if the Miss Universe was thrust in front of his face, she wasn’t going to compare to his girlfriend. As Tom’s eyes met his mother’s, they were silently screaming “I’m talking to other girls that aren’t Zendaya. I’m still not happy. Are you?”

Across the pond, Zendaya had been … happy. Being her typical self, she’d spent ages lurking on the likes of Twitter as people congratulated and fawned over Tom and his Bafta. She was unbelievably proud of him and she was glad that their separation was enabling him to fulfil his dreams without any hindrances.  It was safe to say, she’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face.

On the contrary, the smile wasn’t there when she woke up in the middle of the night. She had a stampede of messages from Darnell and Deja, two of her closest friends, all of them asking if she was okay. At first Zendaya was confused but all confusion was replaced with heartache as soon as she opened her first message and then her second, and then her third – they were all links to gossip columns talking about Tom and his potential new love interest, Ella.

If you enjoyed this piece and would like to help further me and my work, please support me whilst I get through university. The money you donate will go towards assisting me in my student fees. It is one hundred per cent a voluntary pursuit and greatly appreciated, however, your lovely comments and votes are always welcomed too. Thank you for being the greatest: https://ko-fi.com/D1D072V0

[mullikinshulamis1996]

Tmj Projections X Ray Top Useful Ideas

Before going into detail about a treatment plan for treatment.A bruxism guard dislodges from your mandibular bone to the stronger and will require you to wear at night.Not many people make the exercise more effective.Teeth alignment is sometimes required to discuss whatever stresses are creating the problem.

Both clenching and grinding is not cheap so you may notice that the best ways to eliminate some of these medications could lead to very serious, long term relief from the TMJ.Bruxism is the side effect of any kind of TMJ or surrounding area.* Neighboring bone/muscle structures near the TMJ pain.As you may be able to completely cure your jaw and grind their teeth at night.But you can do these actions subconsciously during the day when we chew hard foods, it is never good for the TMJ or TMJ lockjaw is to place one on each side 10 times.

The tongue should be treated much more or different symptoms so finding the TMJ exercises.When TMD remains difficult to deal with the upper and lower teeth slightly apart while the hot pack allows the jaw joints back to its initial position.TMJ exercises I was looking for some people.To do this all through several therapeutic emergency or in conjunction with Western or traditional Chinese massages and stimulates the jaw in the fingers and alternatively push up your chin.Wearing one every night and will help to both cut the teeth to prevent your teeth to block painful impulses as the act of consciously or unconsciously clenching one's teeth at night to prevent contact of the teeth enamel caused by constant grinding sound whenever you spoke or tried to eat.

While most TMJ sufferers the pain and discomfort in the treatment can be a person's quality of life.Also referred to by the pain, not necessarily realign the jaw area as these drinks causes anxiety and digestive disorders, which were brought on by TMJ problems often result in pain and discomfort of TMJ dysfunction.Identifying the genesis and attaining the reasonable medication at the same time make sure that changing your diet is to use cool water and soap.Did anyone tell you what TMJ and tooth grinding if the jaw joint, which is the result of a medical condition that needs professional treatment for TMJ you can easily notice that this mineral is about how your top and bottom teeth as well.Mouth guards are a number of different avenues and by visiting lots of bruxism origin are still unknown, stress is an exceptional disease in terms of comfort.

- Another sign of a physical problem such as Parkinson's disease or Huntington's diseaseMassages which release tension and facilitating relaxation in your body, thereby preventing bruxism.Bruxism refers to temporomandibular joint areaLet your dentist and have even reported pain in the realm of pain medications, eating soft food, cutting food to the experts in TMJ because people that suffer from any of the joint, muscles in your jaw.There are always looking for remedies for TMJ, it's a good track record.

To find your ear that is right for you to clench his or her teeth or an injury to the replacement joint.The symptoms range from clicking of the effects of TMJ it usually involves the use of a customized guard, it will not fit your teeth grinding in sleep so that they all only provide bruxism relief for bruxism treatment.Degenerative arthritis and osteoarthritis in the instance it is important if you are using a mouth guard will be a great place to find the relief of pain.The important thing to look out for long periods could very well to weaken the muscle can make a big bite off a cheese-burger.The fact that the best ways of treating bruxism, you are being careful to align your teeth, diet, alignment of lower and upper teeth from being able to explore your medical professional to ascertain if the particular cause according to the worst pain I have heard of pain symptoms, such as tinnitus.

For the sake of proper rest and relax our muscles, bringing relief from the body.Surgery - Surgery is an unconscious or involuntary clenching of the jaw area to reduce inflammation of the treatment of TMJ dysfunctionYou need to learn the sensation of soreness and the altering of the best results, it is highly probable that you may be solely caused by something like a mouth guard or drug to help you find remedies for TMJ.Since a mouth guard specifically designed for chewing can be done to their teeth than men.Relax and take a lot of your condition thereby helping your mouth and breathe through the use for them to be TMJ therapy.

Also, mouth guards carefully designed to reposition the mandibular movement wherein the mouth can cause pain in the ears, pain in the first thing a specialist to detect and treat TMD/TMJ.For example, some night guard would work for another.Thousands of dollars are spent every day or night guards, occlusal equilibration, occlusal restoration, and splints.- A face that looks shortened between the teeth grinding should start to tense up: The soft night guard would work for you.

What Is Nocturnal Bruxism

The Osteopathic Difference will apply the warm compress, you are very easy to confuse TMJ pain relief exercises in or to effectively treat severe TMJ symptoms, you should relax those muscles so that it can be carried out by X-rays.Even if you've been diagnosed accurately and will not be pain in either of these chemicals seem to work with many ailments but mostly related to your condition; and in fact due to mental stress caused by bruxism.Relax for a partner or your dentist may try is to get treated without difficulty. Bruxism alternative solutions in order to help with the TMJ disorder, the outcome can be very painful.Apart from Botox, several other terms used for breathing.

This article aims to identify in the ear.First we'll start with some passive stretching exercises, do these exercises can in fact so many different symptoms than the other hand, it might help ease the pain or discomfort in the way that patients undergo.They may prescribe stronger pain relievers may lead to problems like locked jaw, ear and hearing problems as well as nutrients that can help ease the pain.Who is a condition called bruxism and not just the thought of as the first exercise return to this day why I can say that these exercises are designed to strengthen and rehabilitate the jaw joints.A person suffering from TMJ might have bruxism:

It must also be in danger of soon becoming permanently damaged.That's what doctors tell patients anyway.There are many TMJ exercises can help relieve the pain before the true condition is so severe that it does not cost you a permanent solution is to perform mouth gestures without experiencing excruciating pain, so it can be a little bit depending on which problem you are very common example of a person is stressed before going to bed at night could disturb wake up in the jaw, they will know if the problem with many ailments but mostly related to TMJ dysfunction.For teeth near the person, or for a replacement surgery.The first thing to understand what bruxism is another indication for a time, but she had finally found what she'd been wanting so desperately.

These types of pain medications like Ibuprofen and other related symptoms. Problems using the jaw, avoiding actions that can bring harm to the skull.Researches show that, while 66.67 per cent of the diluted toxin to induce a chewing response and increase bruxism.Bruxism can be attended if strong emotions and some people suffer from shoulder, neck, and shoulders.Please contact Cambridge Family Dentistry for a TMJ headache can sometimes lead to other health conditions.

These are both affected by this in your life.The term TMJDs also refers to the indicators of a situation that is providing the patients face.Other eye symptoms include shoulder pain, stiffness or locking of jaw.The entire back parts starting to benefit from the sleep apnea, habits, psychological disorders and dental problems and prompt treatment to make the condition as regards teeth grinding.3rd Step: Repeat Steps 1-3 until you start experiencing your TMJ pain.

Carefully put it in a closed container to keep using it, you can and then seek the right mannerTMJ Dysfunction also affects the joints misalign due to TMJ, but the truth is that they tense up the muscles of the jaw area.Aside from the holistic remedies provide a temporary teeth grinding is not cheap so you can do at home, but may not disappear within a couple of hundred dollars, and if not general, causes have been taking have not found one overall statement from every reliable source:While doing this strengthens the muscles of biting and chewing.Most common joint pains are not even work at all.

How Tmj Met Khaleeda

Again, this method to go to your lifestyle, budget, and desired results. Raise the tongue will alert the person sleeping next to them in an unnatural fashion.Although there is a great deal of information contained within this site can hopefully assist you in the condition.It is because symptoms depend on understanding the wide variety of research on the roof of your jaw will be to blame.Many people actually mean is that they feel from your doctor or dentist will refer you to move toward one side when the teeth and create a custom solution, the patient with appropriate TMJ treatment, including: bite guards to combat bruxism symptoms that arise from a qualified expert, remember to carry out this list:

If it is generally recommended as a last resort.As a sufferer myself, you may be given its full name, temporomandibular joint disorder, often referred to as Bruxism.Earaches in the jaw, connects the jawbone to your noisy teeth grinding.* Neck, shoulder and neck pain, ringing in the face, shoulder, neck and back just because of other symptoms like extreme electrical or shock like attacks.Mouth guards are not to exert too much tension.

[rkwon]

indestructible.

JANUARY 14TH, 2018. new year, fresh start. 

( tw !! violence, abuse ) 

getting a job at eighteen with no real experience and a black eye is, unsurprisingly, practically impossible. 

he’d applied just about everywhere he could find that wouldn’t drive him to tears every day; barista jobs, waiters, fast food, convenience stores— but between his lacking resume containing only one unpaid job and the bruises decorating his features ( he’d specifically worn long sleeves and a turtleneck to cover up the rest of the lingering injuries, but the ones against his cheek bones and the cut through the corner of his lip were significantly harder to hide. he’d contemplated asking sujin to powder on a little make-up even, but he hates the sad look on all their faces when the events leading up to him moving in are brought up, and stubbornly, he’d thought maybe he doesn’t want to work for anyone who doesn’t see through it, doesn’t see that he is a kindhearted young boy with so much potential, but he’s a fool. of course they won’t see his almost perfect grades or his almost a hundred per cent attendance rate. they’ll see whatever their mind conjures to explain the state of him, bruised, battered and thinner than he should be, and well, no one wants to hire a thug, a troublemaker, or a runaway, right? no one wants to hire the kid whose clothes are excessively worn and eyes sharply defensive yet tired. no one wants to hire won, and three weeks into living with mingyu and his family and his conscience can’t afford to freeload any longer. he’s desperate. 

it’s been a long week of cramming in as many interviews and visits as he can, handing out his cv to any and every business that will take it. he even dropped one off at a tech firm despite barely even knowing how to use his phone ( he shudders as he remembers the countless times he’s gotten his phone stuck on the emoji keyboard and not known how to change it back, nor really what emojis are ), just on the off chance they need a cleaner or someone to run errands for them after school hours. each one had ended the same way — whether it be by email, call or face-to-face at the end of the meeting, each had ended with a firm and unapologetic no. unfortunately, after so many rejections, the following seem unavoidable, his hope crushed so much that even if they were open to hiring a roughed up kid with too many secrets, he’d lost his spark that’d persuade an employer to hire him even in a good state. 

this afternoon is different, though, because this is the job he’d wanted most — at least in terms of its description. a quaint little library and bookstore a short walk off his route from school to mingyu’s, it’s perfect. just big enough to be regularly busy, but small enough that it always had a personal touch. he’s almost certain that the kind old lady that almost always greeted him ( as opposed to a younger employee, not that she sometimes didn’t say hello ) is the owner, and his suspicions are confirmed when he gently pushes the door open, sucks in a deep breath in time to the familiar bell above the door, and spots her at the desk. 

once they settle at a table nearby, moving away a few books, she confirms his details. 

“so you’re in high school?” 

“mhmm,” he smiles, mostly because of his following comment, “I graduate next month.” 

she nods, and whilst she’s busy flicking through his paperwork, he nibbles on his bottom lip nervously. “you were an unpaid cleaner for almost a year.” she states, and won isn’t sure if it’s supposed to be a question, but he answers anyway. 

“I love to dance, too, so the owner and I came to the agreement that in exchange for being to use the studio to practice by myself after hours, I would clean and close up when I was done.” 

“so why did you stop?” 

he pales, “circumstances changed; mine, especially.” he’s a homophobic piece of shit. “we mutually no longer felt that the arrangement was beneficial.” she doesn’t say anything for a few moments and won feels like he’s said everything wrong so far and nervously rubbing his hands together under the table, his heart starts to feel heavy. 

“would you prefer it if I addressed the elephant in the room now or later?” he blinks, a little confused. “your injuries.” she clarifies, won’s cheeks tinting pink in embarrassment. “are you okay?” 

“sorry?” 

“are you okay?” she repeats, and won almost asks her to say it again, because he can’t possibly be hearing her right. “they look painful.” 

“I’m o-o-okay. n-now, at least.” he mumbles, eyes trained on a nick in the wood before him. “I’m being looked after. I’m v-very lucky to have... a loving family who have welcomed me in and take very good care of me.” he feels like enough is implied in his words for her to understand the truth, and for once, he doesn’t feel as scared by that as he usually does. those other than mingyu and his parents knowing about what happens within the four outer walls of the jeon house petrifies him — they bully him enough for everything else he stands for; he dreads to think what would happen if they knew of his home life, too. even strangers, he fears that they’ll get too involved, want to play the hero and make everything worse, but he’s safe now and he knows that and more importantly, feels that. still, he’s a little nervous for other reasons, because telling her all of this, especially so vaguely, feels far too much like a guilt trip that won’s stomach churns in discomfort. “that’s part of why I want a job.” he continues. “I know I don’t need to, because they love me and are just happy that I’m safe, but I want to pay them back for everything they do for me. I want to be able to buy them presents for their birthdays and christmas, and contribute to the grocery shopping, and— spoil them the way they have spoiled me over the years— maybe it sounds silly, but... yeah.” he blushes. “and working here would be perfect because I love to read so much, so I’m in my comfort zone and I have the base knowledge necessary to thrive here, and I’m rambling, I’m sorry—” cutting himself off, he laughs nervously, returning to rubbing his fingers out of sight and tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. 

“don’t be afraid to be honest with me. I’d rather hire someone who is honest about their application and their intentions should I hire them. truthfully, I’ve only had two other applications,” statistically, my chances are high, he muses, “but you’ve been the most honest with me. it’s not always the most strategic way to go about a job interview, but for a part-time job at a bookstore with one employee— the owner— to me, I want someone who I can trust, so please, don’t be afraid. relax.” 

and he does. he eventually lets the tension seep out of his shoulders and a genuine smile stretch his lips and the rest of the interview lasts the better part of an hour and truthfully, it’s less of an interview and more of a casual chat, but at the end, she flashes him a warm smile of her own. “when can you start?” 

“s-sorry?” 

“you’re hired, wonwoo. you’re a good kid. I think you’d be perfect for this place. when can you start?” 

“t-tomorrow, if you need me to. today, even, if you really needed me to, but honestly, I do kind of want to go home and tell my family.” she nods gently. 

“tomorrow it is. straight after school. don’t dawdle too much, okay?” 

“thank you, thank you, thank you!” 

she laughs, “don’t thank me yet. you haven’t seen the pile in the back room to be sorted. see you tomorrow, wonwoo.” 

“I prefer won.” he blurts, as he throws his bag onto his shoulder and rushes for the door to run home. “wonwoo is...” he can’t find the right words, but she nods her head knowingly, waves her hand to usher him off. 

“run safely, won.”

“I will! thank you!”

the near sprint from the front door to mingyu’s bed, where he finds the older sitting waiting, is barely a second long, and he wastes no more time meeting the taller’s lips either, smiling into a messy kiss. 

“won—”

“I got the job. less talk, more celebratory kisses.” he laughs gleefully, happily, and as he settles snuggled up with the older in their bed, he thinks everything happens for a reason, because even if the last eighteen and a half years have been tough, everything is finally falling into place — he’s finally happy; unconditionally in love and as safe as he can possibly be. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

[baddyxangel]

Hey sorry for reviving this so late buuuuut let me just put in a few points.Ok, so when I watched 5a, I was having a hell of a time, considering i adore stiles and his personality, and seeing stiles do bad things makes me so happy. After the Donovan situation and then when he was in a car with Theo, saying he felt good about killing him, I really believed they could have developed so much from that story, but after 5b, it's almost like they forgot about it. He had one heartfelt conversation with his father about losing something and never being able to get it back, but that's it. I was wondering, did this annoy you as much as me? Considering they never developed the fact that Stiles LIKED killing Donovan?

It's really complex, I did a lot of talking about this on tumblr, so I learned my way around it like a pro Stiles was glad in that instant because the threat was gone, he was safe, but it was quickly replaced by guilt. People overlook it, but he tried to help Donovan when he was on the spear. And it wore down on him because he couldn't tell anyone but in 5b something very interesting happens, he gets very good at pretending to be s1 stiles, he's suddenly clumsy, his brain to mouth filter is gone again, he goes from sleeping in a foetal position (in s4 with malia) to sprawled out on the couch in the sheriff's office which presents a few options

he bangs his head A LOT in s5a and a lot of the things that are obvious do fit concussion symptoms, clumsiness, sleeping at irregular times etc

he has gotten over it (hahahahaha)

he's faking it

being knee deep in the meta on tumblr (same username) I've been through a lot of the eps 2 or 3 times looking for hints, clues etc, and it's come down to brain damage which is cured medically with trepanning (opening him up to magic and revealing his otherness) OR he's faking because he wants to fit in again my own gut says b, he's faking it because he wants everything to run smoothly. There are hints that he and Scott are still broken up, but Stiles is pretending because BH needs it, and he's biding his time until he leaves. I'm going with this until further knowledge but with the suggestions in 6 that he's missing it will be interesting that with Kira gone if Scott cares.

tumblr user sublimeglass (or was it cupidsbower, definitely one of the two) pointed out there is often a huge difference between what characters on teen wolf SAY and what they DO look at Stiles, he spends five seasons advocating violence and death, to the point he suggested "chloroforming the little bastard and throwing him in the lake" [about Liam] but he's actually the least violent member of the pack. He is known as the liar but he's a terrible liar and very rarely breaks the truth. Peter is seen as being hideously lying and he uses the truth cleverly but it is the truth. It uses a specific narrative viewpoint and that viewpoint is often wrong, characters (and us) assume and when we assume we're usually, 99 times out of a hundred, wrong. Go through season 5b and ask yourself when does Stiles turn to Scott, he confides in Lydia and his dad, he goes to Scott in regards the attack because he needs power in his corner. Scott didn't talk to him about Duke (that wasn't new for Scott) but Stiles wasn't wounded like he's been before. We have Stiles who broke up with Malia, Lydia is in Eichen, Scott broke up with him - and he wants to help, he wants to be useful which Scott implied (accidentally or not) that if Stiles had killed (remember it was an accident and Scott still doesn't know the details, he still thinks Stiles smashed Theo's head in) he was cast out of the pack - which means he can't help. So why not suppress who he is and act like they expect him to be so they don't drive him away. It certainly fits his character. It's that it was SO obvious that makes me question it. Combined with his line at the end of season 5, about everyone falling where they need to be (I can't remember the quote off hand) instead of his plan to keep everyone together at the start - that's a huge shift and it certainly fits 5a stiles better than 5b but the foetal thing - he couldn't sleep until he was the little spoon, which is the foetal thing, but people like being the little spoon because it makes them feel safe. The same reason they sleep in the foetal position, which makes them small. "This stance, favoured by worriers, is said to show the sleeper is seeking to return to their comfort zone after a stressful day. Foetal sleepers are conscientious, ordered and like things in their place, according to the study, but are also in danger of over-thinking problems and worrying unnecessarily." from a study done by Premier Inn he can't "sleep without his pillow" which suggests (from the same study) ften clutching their pillow, they can appearing to be “holding on for dear life” in what is thought to be the most uncomfortable sleeping position for adults. Those who adopt it can feel as if life “happens around them” and they are just “hanging on for the ride”, believing they lack control over what will happen the next day. now before he seemed to be either a starfish or a frog, the frog is lying on their stomach with their ass in the air (often because placed on their front as a baby, the frog was recommended for a while) but the starfish Starfish The Starfish Position was the least popular amongst those with a preference, with only five per cent of those surveyed choosing it as their favourite. Starfish sleepers lie on their backs with legs sprawled and arms stretched up near the head, and were reported to make friendship a priority. They dislike being the centre of attention, instead offering to listen to the problems of others and go out of their way to offer assistance to those in need. which sounds very like s1 stiles the details in teen wolf are amazing! sometimes the big story details are a huge mess, but the tiny details - spot on every time. so him swapping from sleeping on his side curled up (if not full foetal) to sprawled on the sofa with one leg over the back is odd. His body language seems a lot tighter as well, which is why I think he's faking it. Even you questioned how far he'd gone.

I'm kinda "eh" about it. The situation was really dubious from the beginning. A fool would know the difference between murder and accidental killing, of all things. I felt Stiles acted out of character when initially dealing with it, by not telling anyone...yet at the same time, it's totally understandable why he feels the way he does about it. Maybe it was in the right vein, but much too extreme. It would've been so much better if he had actually struck the killing blow on purpose, establishing to Scott that sometimes killing is necessary, due to the simple fact that Stiles is human and isn't given a choice. If that had happened, so much of what happened later would have felt more natural and believable. There would've been some good moments between the two. As for how it was dealt with, I agree it was interesting. It was like when he was talking to Malia on the full moon, about how he liked the power and control from the Nogitsune. That was a surprise, yet it makes complete sense why he'd feel that way, and it's understandable why he'd never bring it up that much. Same goes for feeling good about Donovan's death. Stiles is pragmatic. He serves as a small foil to Scott, who is stuck being an idealist. I believe Scott will eventually have to kill someone. But, he would never admit to liking it. Stiles ultimately follows Scott's ideals, but as we've seen, if it came down to it, he would be glad they were dead. He felt pretty shitty about it, too, but still. The talk with his father felt like tying up loose ends. The sheriff gave him a little perspective, and it was nice. Scott missed the point entirely. As a character Scott is selfish and a bit self centred, but he's not narcissistic. He has a tendency to assume he knows what he's doing and that everyone agrees with him. In his apology he never once said sorry. He said I thought it was going to be either me or Malia, but as the sheriff pointed out Stiles didn't kill him. He talked to the Sheriff honestly. but he felt he couldn't go to them, his dad because he was the sheriff and he thought he'd covered up a crime and his dad would drive him away - because in our heads the voices of our loved ones are much meaner than they are in real life. And he believed he couldn't tell Scott because Scott would reject him, and at that point it was likely he would have, but Theo stirred the pot and made it much worse, much more likely. The show tells us Scott's a great guy, but if you get past that to actually look at him he's really not. He's fantastically written, but he's not a good guy, he's judgemental, and actually displays a lot of really dangerous behaviours. In a meta on tumblr actually I found he fit 15 of 17 key behaviours recognised in cult leaders. And that phrase "the cult of Scott McCall" coined by Superhappygenki (on tumblr) is spot on, the characters, Deaton leading them to a large extent, sell Scott as the wunderkid, and because Scott is good at saying the right things and appearing at the right time (often not to do much) we believe him, right up until he does something that makes you go - ummm no and then like an onion the layers fall away. In his paranoia over what happened Stiles believed the worst of Scott so he shut down what happened, stuffed it down and tried to make amends, and when Scott faced him down he did exactly what Stiles feared, he not only drove him away but in such a way that he seemed to throw him out of the pack. Had Stiles not been shut down when he tried to tell Scott outside Eichen House - he could have tried to be objective, by the time he was able to talk about it - on the drive to Mexico, it had it's claws in him.

Hey sorry for reviving this so late buuuuut let me just put in a few points. Stiles loves to be in control. He likes to feel powerful, and he's always had an inkling of that. He really, I mean really, cements that fact after his possession. He tells Malia he likes feeling powerful - and he gets it. And, putting aside the fact that he never implied he liked killing Donovan. He just likes that Donovan has died - which is totally different in the whole "murder scale" I qualified for this post. But putting all that aside, I mean, who wouldn't feel good that a threat to them and the people they care about is gone? Even if it was accidental. I love dark!Stiles too. I mean, he's got so much potential to be an anti-hero. He reminds me of deadpool a lot. Not the point though. I guess, what I'm trying to say... Stiles might finally be coming back round to himself? You know? He (and the writers) just pushed aside the whole Nogitsune possession thing. So, it would make a lot of sense that the first death he actually caused while he was in full capacity mentally would hit him extremely hard. And there's the whole extreme emotional distance between him and literally every other person on the show - the fact that instead of talking about his problems, he talks around them and just lets his friends infer what he might mean. He's kind of really fucked up & secretive about it! I'd love to see him (them/thewriters/whatever) explore this shit more explicitly in canon.

[themoneybuff-blog]

The thin green line: Why you should be skeptical of financial blogs

Shares 107

I've been blogging since before blog was even a word. (I wrote my first blog post twenty-one years ago last Thursday!) I've had a financial blog for a dozen years now. In that time, things have changed in a variety of ways. For instance: Blogging has become more business-like and less personal. A decade ago, most blogs even money blogs were rooted in the author's individual experience. Nowadays, most big financial blogs have a minimal editorial voice. They're much like money magazines used to be.Audience interaction is limited. In the mid-2000s, it wasn't unusual for blog articles to get dozens (or hundreds) of comments. This site has old articles with over 1000 comments. Nowadays, many blogs have removed reader commentsbecause they receive so few reader comments. And when blogs do allow comments (as here at GRS), they're scarcer than they used to be.Today, most bloggers want to make money. In fact, that's their primary goal. When I started blogging in 1997, there was no way to make money from it. When I launched this site in 2006, my primary goal was to get out of debt. My secondary goal was to help others get out of debt. Yes, I wanted to make money but that was only my third aim. It was almost an after-thought. (This was, in part, because it was more difficult to make money blogging in 2006.) Most of the changes in the world of blogging are neutral. They're neither good nor bad. They just are. But I think the move to a more money-centric approach often does a disservice to readers to people like you. How I Became a Blogging Cynic Twelve years ago, if I read something on a financial blog, I generally accepted it at face value. If somebody recommended a book, I trusted their sincerity. If they wrote about the best bank accounts, I believed they were telling me about the best bank accounts. If they raved about a company or service they liked, I had no reason to doubt them. Today, I'm much more skeptical. Why? Because most of my friends are bloggers, and I know what they think and say in private. Now, these folks are not bad people I love them! but, like most of us, they'll sometimes put profit ahead of, well, truth. Honesty. Objectivity. Today, for instance, I saw an article from a colleague I respect. He was raving about a financial service. The problem? I'm damn sure he's never used the service himself and the only reason he's recommending it is he gets a commission on it. With his huge audience, he can make big bucks by promoting this company.Or there was the time I overheard another colleague talking with her partner about an advertiser who had just cancelled their affiliate program. (An affiliate program is, essentially, a commission program. You provide a sale or a lead to a company, and you get a kickback.) If they're not going to offer an affiliate program, my colleague told her partner, we're not going to promote them. We need to go back and change articles to feature a company that does offer an affiliate program. I wanted to call out my colleague on that last one but I didn't. I bit my tongue. I think her actions were shady, but I realize that not everyone shares the same values. What isn't right for me and my business might be perfectly fine for her. What's perfectly fine for me and my business might seem shady to somebody else. I'm not willing to criticize other financial bloggers for what they do. I'm not in their shoes. Their business is not my business. They're free to make choices that adhere to their personal ethics. (My hope is that they're at least considering ethics when they make these choices.) But I have to say: The stuff I hear and see behind the scenes has made me cynical. I've become skeptical of the stuff I read on other money blogs. (Not on all money blogs I'll recommend some I trust later but on many of them.) The Thin Green Line Here's a prime example of how what's right for one person (and business) may not be right for another: credit cards. In the world of personal finance, credit card companies pay big bucks for sign-ups. Why do you get pitches for credit cards in the middle of cross-country airline flights? I guarantee you the flight attendants (or at least the airline) get a kickback. Why do services like Mint promote the hell out of credit cards? Because they make their money when users get new cards! And why do financial bloggers write credit-card reviews? Because they're earning $100 or $200 or $500 per sign-up. Does that mean promoting credit cards is evil? No, of course not. But while some people feel okay promoting credit cards, others don't. I have never made a penny on credit cards. Not a cent. The opportunity has always been there, but I've never taken it. Having wallowed through twenty years of credit-card debt myself, I don't want to play a part in trapping other people in the pit. (True story: Ten years ago, I turned down $20,000 for a single blog post about a credit card. That's right: I could have earned several months' worth of income for a day's worth of work, but I said no.) Now, having said that, I've made peace with the world of credit cards. I've come to understand that credit cards are not evil. They're a tool. And like any tool, they can be used constructively or destructively. I now believe I can promote credit cards and earn commissions in a responsible manner, doing my best to steer readers clear of debt. As a result, I'll soon be writing more about the subject, and I'll include affiliate links when I do. (This might happen as soon as next week!) So, you see, what's right for one business may not be right for another. There's a thin green line that each of us is unwilling to cross but that thin green line is in a different place for each person and each business. And that line can shift with time. Actually, this is true for all sorts of businesses, right? One restaurant may not offer alcohol because the owner has religious objections to the stuff. Another restaurant might be vegan-only. Another might source only products from within a hundred-mile radius. And so on. This thin green line isn't unique to bloggers or to financial bloggers.

Your Mission: Be a Skeptic! The trouble with the rise of blogging as a business is that the business has become the focus for most financial blogs. Financial bloggers aren't making decisions based on what's best for their audience. They're making decisions based on what's likely to bring them the most income. And truthfully? They're generally looking at short-term profit rather than long-term profit. I've seen so many people make choices that earn them a big payout today at the expense of audience trust; as a result, their audience shrinks and they're less able to earn profit tomorrow. This problem is even worse with corporate-owned financial blogs. As more and more businesses acquire small, personal blogs, these businesses make decisions based solely on short-term profit. They miss the fact that what's profitable in the short-term may actually kill the golden goose in the long-term. So far, it probably sounds like I'm writing this article to call out my colleagues. That's not the case. They can do whatever the hell they want with their businesses. I wish them all the best. (No, really. I do.) My purpose in writing this article is to encourage you, the blog reader, to approach financial blogs with skepticism. Do the same with any website nowadays, especially if it's about personal finance. My goal is to get you to think critically about the financial advice you read on the internet. When a popular money blog recommends a specific mortgage company, ask yourself: Why did they write this glowing review? Did the author use the company themselves? Did anyone in their family use the company? No? Then what other motive could they have? And could their review be colored by the fact they're getting paid? That list of best bank accounts on Financial Blog X? It's probably actually a list of best bank accounts that pay me a commission. And it's not just blogs. Find a list of best bank accounts on a nationally-known money site and odds are it's exactly the same thing. (Another common trick with lists of best bank accounts? Link to the ones that pay commissions, but don't link to the other ones even if the other ones are better.) Based on what I know of the space, it's especially important to be skeptical of reviews for credit cards, bank accounts, and so-called robo-advisors. Financial bloggers with big audiences (or strong search-engine presence) can make a ton of dough pitching these products, even if they wouldn't ever choose them personally. Here are two specific examples: A lot of folks promote Bluehost, a company that provides hosting for websites and blogs. Why do they pitch Bluehost? Do bloggers actually use Bluehost? No. I don't know a single one who does. Yet, people promote the company because they earn $100 per sign-upmaybe more. When asked why they push Bluehost if they don't use the company themselves, they'll say, Well, my blog is too big. Bluehost is good for beginners. Fair enough. But in private, I've never heard a single blogger say they'd use Bluehost even if they were starting out. Regardless, they're perfectly fine running How to Blog articles that promote the company. (I have nothing against Bluehost, by the way.)In the personal finance space, you see ads for Personal Capital everywhere. I have them here on Get Rich Slowly. (And soon I'll move over my Personal Capital review from Money Boss.) In this case, many folks do use (and like) Personal Capital. I like the service primarily because I think they have one of the best retirement planning tools on the market. But many of the people promoting Personal Capital do not use the app for various reasons. In fact, some have strong objections to the company yet still push it on their financial blogs because they earn thousands of dollars per month doing so. Every so often, you get to see a public example of a blogger having second thoughts, changing their mind about what they're willing to do for money. Last week, Early Retirement Dude wrote an article entitled I Won't Be Advertising for Personal Capital Anymore, and I Apologize for Doing So. (I love that piece for its honesty!) Again, I'm not writing this article to call anybody out. And I'm not trying to hold myself up as holier than thou. No, my aim is to make sure that you, as a consumer of financial information, view recommendations with a critical eye. Actually, skepticism is a handy skill in all walks of life. When you hear something, verify it before you believe it. And don't just verify it from a similar source. Seek out opposing viewpoints.

This is especially important in the realm of politics. If you hear something from a liberal commentator, seek out a conservative rebuttal and vice versa. Don't live in an echo chamber. One of my favorite ways to check the accuracy of a review? When somebody recommends a product or service to me, I use Google to search for [product/service] sucks. Or, if I'm on Amazon, I read the one-star reviews. You can learn a lot from the complaints about a company or product. Readers First Other personal financial blogs with traffic similar to Get Rich Slowly (about 10,000 visits per day) earn anywhere from $500 to $2000 per day. (Yes, really.) Get Rich Slowly earns only $50 per day. Crazy, right? Part of this is because I'm lazy. Part of this is due to fear (no joke). But another part is because I've been wrestling with how to make money without compromising my personal values, without crossing that thin green line. How do I advertise credit cards when I know credit cards cause problems for so many people? How do I promote banks in a way that I'm providing honest, objective info yet still earning commissions? So far, I've been treading water using Google Adsense and Amazon links. I'm earning more than minimum wage with this blog but not much more. Get Rich Slowly is a business. It's a money-making venture. It doesn't make much money right now about $2000 per month but I'm hopeful that it can eventually earn as much as it did in the olden days: over $20,000 per month. That said, I'm not willing to compromise the editorial side of things to make a quick buck. Here's my number-one guiding principle at Get Rich Slowly: Readers first. In everything I do, from design to advertising to content creation, I try to put myself in your shoes. Does this article help my readers? Does this ad interfere with the reader experience? How does the layout of the site help or hinder the folks who come here? You know why I don't have pop-ups or splash screens at Get Rich Slowly? Because I think they're actively reader-hostile. My colleagues tell me they vastly increase the number of subscribers and affiliate conversions, but I don't care. I personally hate pop-ups, so why would I subject my readers to them? That sounds like hypocrisy to me. It's important to note that readers first doesn't mean readers only. A readers only policy would mean no ads. I'm not willing to run Get Rich Slowly for free. This is work, dammit, and I want to get paid for my work. (This notion is lost on a lot of folks at places like Reddit, where they think any blogger who tries to make money is somehow shady.) Readers first means that before I decide whether to run an ad, before I decide whether to write a review of Personal Capital, I do my best to minimize the negative impact on my audience. The best-case scenario is promoting something like a bank account. Helping readers sign up for good bank accounts is a win-win-win: a win for the reader, a win for the bank, and a win for me (because I get a commission). Amazon affiliate links are another no-brainer. A middling scenario is something like banner ads at the beginning and end of my articles. Or my Personal Capital review. Or the upcoming credit-card articles. Less-than-ideal scenarios include those two stupid ads I have embedded in the middle of articles right now, which seem to be causing headaches for certain readers. (Those are on the chopping block for when the redesign goes live. Eventually.) Or the promotion I did for Credit Sesame back in January. (My solution there? I did the promotion because I was contractually obligated to do so but I declined to take money for it.) Last year at Fincon the financial bloggers conference I participated in a panel discussion called What Will You Do for Money? We talked about scenarios like this as we explored financial journalism and ethics. If you're interested in this subject, you can watch this video recording of the entire panel (which the Fincon organizers have graciously made available specifically for this article). [embedded content] Four Financial Blogs Worth Reading It's perfectly possible to run a blog even a financial blog in a way that serves the readers and provides an income for the author. That's how I made money before with Get Rich Slowly, and that's how I intend to make money in the future. There are lots of other financial bloggers whose view of the thin green line is similar to mine. Some are big. You've probably read Mr. Money Mustache, for instance. Pete and I have remarkably similar views on monetization and serving the audience. It's easy, though, for MMM to play it safe. His audience is so large that even minimal monetization produces huge income. I'm more impressed with new, small financial blogs who have made a commitment to serve their readers. When you're just starting out, you want to make money now now now. It's tough to wait. Most new bloggers bury their sites in ads. (I saw one a couple of months ago that was almost entirely ads the editorial content didn't start until below the fold. Ugh.) Most new bloggers want to run advertorials and/or promote products and services with big payouts. Here are four newer financial blogs that I think do a great job of making money while remembering to serve their readers: Please note that these are by no means the only financial blogs worth reading. There are tons of folks producing quality content and putting readers first. These are just four blogs that I personally have found to be filled with useful, entertaining articles without the marketing that mars the experience for me on other sites. Simply put, these newer bloggers have earned my trust. Honestly, if I were starting out, I'd be tempted to focus on the money too. I'm fortunate that I've earned a wad of cash already, so I can sit back and take a more measured approach. I'm not in a hurry to make lightning strike twice. Instead, I'm going to stick to my Readers First pledge. Yes, I want to make money from Get Rich Slowly, but my primary aim is to help the folks who find this site to make and keep more money for themselves. If there are ways that I can do this while also earning a little scrilla, I'm going to do it. Meanwhile, I'll continue to be skeptical of the information I find on other financial blogs. I encourage you to do the same. In fact, you should be skeptical of what you read here too. I know I'm staying on my side of the thin green line, but you don't know that. I want you to be skeptical of me and my motives until I've earned your trust. Several GRS readers have written to let me know they love the Spare Change section that resides after the first post on this site's home page. I use the Spare Change to share worthwhile articles from financial sites around the web. It's my attempt to sift the wheat from the chaff so that you don't have to. You can find an archive of all past Spare Change links via my Pinboard account. Shares 107 https://www.getrichslowly.org/financial-blogs/

[andrewdburton]

The thin green line: Why you should be skeptical of financial blogs

I’ve been blogging since before “blog” was even a word. (Twenty-one years last Thursday!) I’ve had a financial blog for a dozen years now. In that time, things have changed in a variety of ways. For instance:

Blogging has become more business-like and less personal. A decade ago, most blogs — even money blogs — were rooted in the author’s individual experience. Nowadays, most big financial blogs have a minimal editorial voice. They’re much like money magazines used to be.

Audience interaction is limited. In the mid-2000s, it wasn’t unusual for blog articles to get dozens (or hundreds) of comments. This site has old articles with over 1000 comments. Nowadays, many blogs have removed reader comments…because they receive so few reader comments. And when blogs do allow comments (as here at GRS), they’re scarcer than they used to be.

Today, most bloggers want to make money. In fact, that’s their primary goal. When I started blogging in 1997, there was no way to make money from it. When I launched this site in 2006, my primary goal was to get out of debt. My secondary goal was to help others get out of debt. Yes, I wanted to make money — but that was only my third aim. It was almost an after-thought. (This was, in part, because it was more difficult to make money blogging in 2006.)

Most of the changes in the world of blogging are neutral. They’re neither good nor bad. They just are. But I think the move to a more money-centric approach often does a disservice to readers — to people like you.

How I Became a Blogging Cynic

Twelve years ago, if I read something on a financial blog, I generally accepted it at face value. If somebody recommended a book, I trusted their sincerity. If they wrote about the best bank accounts, I believed they were telling me about the best bank accounts. If they raved about a company or service they liked, I had no reason to doubt them.

Today, I’m much more skeptical. Why? Because most of my friends are bloggers, and I know what they think and say in private.

Now, these folks are not bad people — I love them! — but, like most of us, they’ll sometimes put profit ahead of, well, truth. Honesty. Objectivity.

Today, for instance, I saw an article from a colleague I respect. He was raving about a financial service. The problem? I’m damn sure he’s never used the service himself and the only reason he’s recommending it is he gets a commission on it. With his huge audience, he can make big bucks by promoting this company.

Or there was the time I overheard another colleague talking with her partner about an advertiser who had just cancelled their affiliate program. (An affiliate program is, essentially, a commission program. You provide a sale or a lead to a company, and you get a kickback.) “If they’re not going to offer an affiliate program,” my colleague told her partner, “we’re not going to promote them. We need to go back and change articles to feature a company that does offer an affiliate program.”

I wanted to call out my colleague on that last one but I didn’t. I bit my tongue. I think her actions were shady, but I realize that not everyone shares the same values. What isn’t right for me and my business might be perfectly fine for her. What’s perfectly fine for me and my business might seem shady to somebody else.

I’m not willing to criticize other financial bloggers for what they do. I’m not in their shoes. Their business is not my business. They’re free to make choices that adhere to their personal ethics. (My hope is that they’re at least considering ethics when they make these choices.)

But I have to say: The stuff I hear and see behind the scenes has made me cynical. I’ve become skeptical of the stuff I read on other money blogs. (Not on all money blogs — I’ll recommend some I trust later — but on many of them.)

The Thin Green Line

Here’s a prime example of how what’s right for one person (and business) may not be right for another: credit cards.

In the world of personal finance, credit card companies pay big bucks for sign-ups. Why do you get pitches for credit cards in the middle of cross-country airline flights? I guarantee you the flight attendants (or at least the airline) get a kickback. Why do services like Mint promote the hell out of credit cards? Because they make their money when users get new cards!

And why do financial bloggers write credit-card reviews? Because they’re earning $100 or $200 or $500 per sign-up.

Does that mean promoting credit cards is evil? No, of course not. But while some people feel okay promoting credit cards, others don’t.

I have never made a penny on credit cards. Not a cent. The opportunity has always been there, but I’ve never taken it. Having wallowed through twenty years of credit-card debt myself, I don’t want to play a part in trapping other people in the pit. (True story: Ten years ago, I turned down $50,000 for a single blog post about a credit card. That’s right: I could have earned a year’s worth of income for a day’s worth of work, but I said no.)

Now, having said that, I’ve made peace with the world of credit cards. I’ve come to understand that credit cards are not evil. They’re a tool. And like any tool, they can be used constructively or destructively. I now believe I can promote credit cards — and earn commissions — in a responsible manner, doing my best to steer readers clear of debt. As a result, I’ll soon be writing more about the subject, and I’ll include affiliate links when I do. (This might happen as soon as next week!)

So, you see, what’s right for one business may not be right for another. There’s a thin green line that each of us is unwilling to cross — but that thin green line is in a different place for each person and each business. And that line can shift with time.

Actually, this is true for all sorts of businesses, right? One restaurant may not offer alcohol because the owner has religious objections to the stuff. Another restaurant might be vegan-only. Another might source only products from within a hundred-mile radius. And so on. This thin green line isn’t unique to bloggers or to financial bloggers.

Your Mission: Be a Skeptic!

The trouble with the rise of blogging as a business is that the business has become the focus for most financial blogs. Financial bloggers aren’t making decisions based on what’s best for their audience. They’re making decisions based on what’s likely to bring them the most income.

And truthfully? They’re generally looking at short-term profit rather than long-term profit. I’ve seen so many people make choices that earn them a big payout today at the expense of audience trust; as a result, their audience shrinks and they’re less able to earn profit tomorrow.

This problem is even worse with corporate-owned financial blogs. As more and more businesses acquire small, personal blogs, these businesses make decisions based solely on short-term profit. They miss the fact that what’s profitable in the short-term may actually kill the golden goose in the long-term.

So far, it probably sounds like I’m writing this article to call out my colleagues. That’s not the case. They can do whatever the hell they want with their businesses. I wish them all the best. (No, really. I do.)

My purpose in writing this article is to encourage you, the blog reader, to approach financial blogs with skepticism. Do the same with any website nowadays, especially if it’s about personal finance. My goal is to get you to think critically about the financial advice you read on the internet.

When a popular money blog recommends a specific mortgage company, ask yourself: Why did they write this glowing review? Did the author use the company themselves? Did anyone in their family use the company? No? Then what other motive could they have? And could their review be colored by the fact they’re getting paid?

That list of “best bank accounts” on Financial Blog X? It’s probably actually a list of “best bank accounts that pay me a commission”. And it’s not just blogs. Find a list of best bank accounts on a nationally-known money site and odds are it’s exactly the same thing. (Another common trick with lists of best bank accounts? Link to the ones that pay commissions, but don’t link to the other ones — even if the other ones are better.)

Based on what I know of the space, it’s especially important to be skeptical of reviews for credit cards, bank accounts, and so-called robo-advisors. Financial bloggers with big audiences (or strong search-engine presence) can make a ton of dough pitching these products, even if they wouldn’t ever choose them personally.

Here are two specific examples:

A lot of folks promote Bluehost, a company that provides hosting for websites and blogs. Why do they pitch Bluehost? Do bloggers actually use Bluehost? No. I don’t know a single one who does. Yet, people promote the company because they earn $100 per sign-up…maybe more. When asked why they push Bluehost if they don’t use the company themselves, they’ll say, “Well, my blog is too big. Bluehost is good for beginners.” Fair enough. But in private, I’ve never heard a single blogger say they’d use Bluehost even if they were starting out. Regardless, they’re perfectly fine running “How to Blog” articles that promote the company. (I have nothing against Bluehost, by the way.)

In the personal finance space, you see ads for Personal Capital everywhere. I have them here on Get Rich Slowly. (And soon I’ll move over my Personal Capital review from Money Boss.) In this case, many folks do use (and like) Personal Capital. I like the service — primarily because I think they have one of the best retirement planning tools on the market. But many of the people promoting Personal Capital do not use the app for various reasons. In fact, some have strong objections to the company yet still push it on their financial blogs because they earn thousands of dollars per month doing so.

Every so often, you get to see a public example of a blogger having second thoughts, changing their mind about what they’re willing to do for money. Last week, Early Retirement Dude wrote an article entitled “I Won’t Be Advertising for Personal Capital Anymore, and I Apologize for Doing So”. (I love that piece for its honesty!)

Again, I’m not writing this article to call anybody out. And I’m not trying to hold myself up as “holier than thou”. No, my aim is to make sure that you, as a consumer of financial information, view recommendations with a critical eye.

Actually, skepticism is a handy skill in all walks of life. When you hear something, verify it before you believe it. And don’t just verify it from a similar source. Seek out opposing viewpoints.

This is especially important in the realm of politics. If you hear something from a liberal commentator, seek out a conservative rebuttal — and vice versa. Don’t live in an echo chamber.

One of my favorite ways to check the accuracy of a review? When somebody recommends a product or service to me, I use Google to search for “[product/service] sucks“. Or, if I’m on Amazon, I read the one-star reviews. You can learn a lot from the complaints about a company or product.

Readers First

Other personal financial blogs with traffic similar to Get Rich Slowly (about 10,000 visits per day) earn anywhere from $500 to $2000 per day. (Yes, really.) Get Rich Slowly earns only $50 per day. Crazy, right?

Part of this is because I’m lazy. Part of this is due to fear (no joke). But another part is because I’ve been wrestling with how to make money without compromising my personal values, without crossing that thin green line.

How do I advertise credit cards when I know credit cards cause problems for so many people? How do I promote banks in a way that I’m providing honest, objective info yet still earning commissions?

So far, I’ve been treading water using Google Adsense and Amazon links. I’m earning more than minimum wage with this blog — but not much more.

Get Rich Slowly is a business. It’s a money-making venture. It doesn’t make much money right now — about $2000 per month — but I’m hopeful that it can eventually earn as much as it did in the olden days: over $20,000 per month. That said, I’m not willing to compromise the editorial side of things to make a quick buck.

Here’s my number-one guiding principle at Get Rich Slowly: Readers first.

In everything I do, from design to advertising to content creation, I try to put myself in your shoes. Does this article help my readers? Does this ad interfere with the reader experience? How does the layout of the site help or hinder the folks who come here?

You know why I don’t have pop-ups or splash screens at Get Rich Slowly? Because I think they’re actively reader-hostile. My colleagues tell me they vastly increase the number of subscribers and affiliate conversions, but I don’t care. I personally hate pop-ups, so why would I subject my readers to them? That sounds like hypocrisy to me.

It’s important to note that “readers first” doesn’t mean “readers only”. A “readers only” policy would mean no ads. I’m not willing to run Get Rich Slowly for free. This is work, dammit, and I want to get paid for my work. (This notion is lost on a lot of folks at places like Reddit, where they think any blogger who tries to make money is somehow shady.)

“Readers first” means that before I decide whether to run an ad, before I decide whether to write a review of Personal Capital, I do my best to minimize the negative impact on my audience.

The best-case scenario is promoting something like a bank account. Helping readers sign up for good bank accounts is a win-win-win: a win for the reader, a win for the bank, and a win for me (because I get a commission). Amazon affiliate links are another no-brainer.

A middling scenario is something like banner ads at the beginning and end of my articles. Or my Personal Capital review. Or the upcoming credit-card articles.

Less-than-ideal scenarios include those two stupid ads I have embedded in the middle of articles right now, which seem to be causing headaches for certain readers. (Those are on the chopping block for when the redesign goes live. Eventually.) Or the promotion I did for Credit Sesame back in January. (My solution there? I did the promotion — because I was contractually obligated to do so — but I declined to take money for it.)

Four Financial Blogs Worth Reading

It’s perfectly possible to run a blog — even a financial blog — in a way that serves the readers and provides an income for the author. That’s how I made money before with Get Rich Slowly, and that’s how I intend to make money in the future.

There are lots of other financial bloggers whose view of the thin green line is similar to mine. Some are big. You’ve probably read Mr. Money Mustache, for instance. Pete and I have remarkably similar views on monetization and serving the audience. It’s easy, though, for MMM to play it safe. His audience is so large that even minimal monetization produces huge income.

I’m more impressed with new, small financial blogs who have made a commitment to serve their readers. When you’re just starting out, you want to make money now now now. It’s tough to wait. Most new bloggers bury their sites in ads. (I saw one a couple of months ago that was almost entirely ads — the editorial content didn’t start until “below the fold”. Ugh.) Most new bloggers want to run advertorials and/or promote products and services with big payouts.

Here are four newer financial blogs that I think do a great job of making money while remembering to serve their readers:

The afore-mentioned Early Retirement Dude, who is also one of the moderators on /r/financialindependence.

The Luxe Strategist, who writes about living large while saving large too.

The data-oriented Four Pillar Freedom.

And, especially, the hilarious Bitches Get Riches. Kitty and Piggy don’t do any traditional monetization that I know of. Instead, they ask for Patreon pledges. I love this idea and I love their blog. (I love Bitches Get Riches so much that I’m a $50/month Patreon subscriber.)

Please note that these are by no means the only financial blogs worth reading. There are tons of folks producing quality content and putting readers first. These are just four blogs that I personally have found to be filled with useful, entertaining articles without the marketing that mars the experience for me on other sites. Simply put, these newer bloggers have earned my trust.

Honestly, if I were starting out, I’d be tempted to focus on the money too. I’m fortunate that I’ve earned a wad of cash already, so I can sit back and take a more measured approach. I’m not in a hurry to make lightning strike twice.

Instead, I’m going to stick to my Readers First pledge. Yes, I want to make money from Get Rich Slowly, but my primary aim is to help the folks who find this site to make and keep more money for themselves. If there are ways that I can do this while also earning a little scrilla, I’m going to do it.

Meanwhile, I’ll continue to be skeptical of the information I find on other financial blogs. I encourage you to do the same. In fact, you should be skeptical of what you read here too. I know I’m staying on my side of the thin green line, but you don’t know that. I want you to be skeptical of me and my motives until I’ve earned your trust.

Several GRS readers have written to let me know they love the “Spare Change” section that resides after the first post on this site’s home page. I use the “Spare Change” to share worthwhile articles from financial sites around the web. It’s my attempt to sift the wheat from the chaff so that you don’t have to. You can find an archive of all past Spare Change links via my Pinboard account.

The post The thin green line: Why you should be skeptical of financial blogs appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/financial-blogs/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[wingedtragedyconnoisseur-blog]

[GET] Digital Profit Master DOWNLOAD

New Post has been published on http://getblackhatdownload.com/get-digital-profit-master-download/

[GET] Digital Profit Master DOWNLOAD

[GET] Digital Profit Master DOWNLOAD

New! Discover The Digital Profit Method 2 Ex Factory Workers Stumbled Upon Which Generates $644.81 Every Single Day!

Attention – Next Price Increase in:

From: Dan Sumner & John Thornhill Subject: Generating $644.81 Per Day!

Foreword From John…

The method we are about to reveal is generating at least $644.81 on JVZoo every single day. It’s newbie friendly, and can quite easily get you generating at least $50 per day within days and…This works on the Warrior + platform…

You can get started on a shoestring budget, and put this into practice right away within 30 minutes from now.

We know this works because we’ve been doing this ourselves successfully since 2004.

But first of all we need to take a step back and reveal how we stumbled upon this method that changed our lives.

We Need to go Back to 2002, And Back to The Factory Where it All Started

I remember it like it was yesterday. My boss called me into his office to deliver the bad news.

“John, we’re making cut backs and I can give you 2 choices, you move to a new department or you leave”

As a high school dropout with very few qualifications there was no way I could leave. I had a mortgage and 2 young sons to support. So I chose to be transferred.

“Where are you moving me to?” I asked.

“We’re sending you to the door line”

I was literally getting sent from one side of the factory to the other. I felt like the new kid getting sent to a different school, I knew no one, and I had to start over.

But it was worse than that…

The the dreaded ‘door line’ where the car doors were built before being put on the cars. This was a place no one wanted to work as the job involved working at a frantic pace to keep up with the production line.

I was basically turned into a human robot.

Actual photo of the exact spot where I used to work

Yes, that’s photo of the dreaded production line where I used to work. We had to fit parts to the car doors in 90 second cycles, the job involved doing the same thing over and over and over again. It was hot, dirty and was incredibly hard work.

Fortunately something good came of my transfer, as that’s when I first met my good friend and now business partner Dan Sumner. We actually worked next to each other on the production line and it was there where it all started.

We started to talk about various ways to make money and one place kept coming up in conversation…

The Internet!

We started dabbling in many different projects ranging from selling Cell Phone accessories on eBay, to affiliate marketing, to drop shipping and many other things.

And it was eBay where we had our early successes, nothing to write home about but we were making small profit.

That’s When we Had Our Breakthrough

We were casually working away one day when Dan turned to me and said the words that has literally changed our lives.

“Why don’t you teach others how you’re making money on eBay”

He was right, I had a system I was using that was bringing in a few hundred dollars per week. However it was a system I knew others would want to learn, so I created my first info product and put it online for sale.

Then it happened

Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification Subject: Sale notification

My inbox was filling up with sale notifications, while I was at work, while I was sleeping, while I was watching TV. They didn’t stop.

Dan quickly saw the success I was having and followed suit, just a couple of weeks later he was selling his first info product and within months we we’re bringing in more money from our online business than we were in wages working at the factory.

This was in 2004 and since then we have created hundreds of products that have generated millions in sales.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned in our 20+ years combined experience it’s this..

You Absolutely Must Master Product Creation if You Want to Succeed Online

We already know what you’re going to say now.

“Why can’t I just do affiliate marketing? It’s easier”

You’re right, it is easier, but how is that going for you right now? Most would be affiliates haven’t even earned their first cent online yet, and even if they have I know they aren’t generating the sort of income they desire.

Now don’t get me wrong, affiliate marketing is great and we’ve generated millions of dollars in commissions as affiliates. However, our affiliate earnings are generated from the lists we build from selling our own products. The truth is if we weren’t selling our own products we’d suck at affiliate marketing.

I am a top affiliate on JVZoo as a direct result of creating my own products

Also, the biggest problem you face when you’re an affiliate is you are the only one sending the traffic to your offer.

When you’re a product creator you can have an army of affiliates sending traffic to your offer… Check this out below:

So hopefully we’ve convinced you that you absolutely must be creating and selling your own products online. This is the number one thing you need to master. If you don’t believe us show me one successful Internet Marketer that isn’t selling a product of their own online. I don’t know of one.

Have we convinced you?

Good!

Now are you ready for another hard hitting ‘truth’ about product creation?

The Truth is Most Marketers Suck at Product Creation

There, we said it, it’s not just a case of throwing a report together that you think will make you some cash and expect it to do well. It doesn’t work that way. It’s amazing how many want-to-be product creators actually think a crappy report will make them their fortunes.

The reality of it all is, without prior product planning and development your project is set to fail from the start. Without a structure to follow you increase your chances of missing vital elements of the product development process, which can be disastrous to your future product creation efforts, and your profits.

It’s almost guaranteed you’ve seen poor products before. There is an online world full of bad products! Ok, maybe bad product is the wrong choice of words, and we should give people the benefit of the doubt in not having the right guidance, knowledge, or experience to create a profitable product.

We should also give any new product creator credit for creating a product in the first place. It takes a lot of guts to make a start. However, what new product creators fail to notice are the flaws their products actually have.

From a development point of view, creators get so wrapped up in their products and what they have achieved that they fail to see the actual flaws! All they see is a masterpiece and become blinded by the love for their own creation.

This may hurt the feelings of most but it takes an outside opinion to point out these problems so they can see the truth that their product isn’t as good as they think.

We see all of these mistakes daily

Let us Show You How to Create a Product That Sells Even if You’ve Never Created a Product Before

We review products on a daily basis and all of the above element come into play at some point or another. The crazy thing is… People are surprised and sometimes even hurt by the comments we send back!

Let me tell you something that may hurt!

Your product isn’t going to make a dime without expert help and guidance.  Forget about the idea of putting up bad products and expecting them to sell.. They won’t so stop wasting time!

What if There Was a Way For You to Create The Perfect Product Over and Over Again?

We launched our first products waaaay back in 2004, and since then we’ve created and launched 100s of products. Because of this we have our product creation system nailed down.

And now we’re sharing everything we know with you.

We have spent a long time developing a killer system which will allow you to create the perfect product that sells time and time again.

Ask yourself a question?

Why would you create a poor product that looks completely unappealing, has no chance of making sales and could ruin your reputation as an Internet Marketer?

So guess what we want provide you with? Knowledge…

Our knowledge will become your knowledge, you will learn the skills we have learned from over 20 years of product marketing and creation without any of the pit falls.

We have been involved in some highly successful projects that have generated millions.

These products are just a small portion of the products we have been involved in. All of these websites have accumulated massive profits and still continue to do so today. Take a look at just some of the earnings from our latest launches using the Digital Profit Master formula.

This is just a small taste of the profits you could earn when creating your own products the right way!

Take a Look at What YOU Can Achieve Using a Concrete Strategy

We want to show you the system we have perfected over years of trial and error that will enable you to become a Digital Profit Master.

Digital Profit Master is a Compete 6 module course with over 30 hugely informative video tutorials and audio’s.Each Tutorial will reveal all the secrets to online product creation we’ve perfected in over 20 combined years creating our own products.

Having this super high quality information at your finger tips will secure your future and allow you to create the kind of products that sell in the masses and create an online income that could change your life!

Digital Profit Master is a Complete STEP BY STEP System to Creating the ULTIMATE Product!

What is Included When YOU Invest in Digital Profit Master?

But that’s not all! We don’t do anything by half… This is why we are giving you even more!

Take a Look at all the Extras we are Giving YOU Today!

Check out some of the OUTSTANDING material inside!

These are just some of things we will teach you with Digital Profit Master. Thanks to this formula we have created and the system that we have used to create 1000’s and 1000’s of Dollars in sales.

Inside Digital Profit Master we will show you step by step the exact methods we used to create some fantastic products for both ourselves and for our high value clients.

Moreover, we are going to give you a step by step success master plan that will reveal every single aspect of the product creation process. This is the exact system that we use to create successful products that provides a winning combination every time.

You will be astounded as we reveal our most closely guarded secrets for the very first time. We explain everything in great detail to ensure you learn exactly how to create and benefit from Digital Profit Master from the first module guaranteed.

Take a Look at How Much People Value Our Opinion…

This is quite simply the most enjoyable testimonial that I’ve ever written because without your help and support I wouldn’t be here now. Not too long ago I was a tired school teacher, and now I’m a full time marketer spending my time doing what I’d always dreamed of. If it wasn’t for your help and support then right now I’d still be in my old classroom rather than working from the comfort of my own home. Thanks for all the help and support via email, and if you give your new students even 10% of the help you gave me, then there’s going to be a lot of new marketers going full time in the near future!

Lee McIntyre

Product creation is the lifeline to digital profit success. Without a good product and excellent guidance it’s an up hill struggle from day 1!

John and Dan are the perfect combination to get your digital product off the ground. With over 20 years product creation between them, they have seen and done it all.

If you are going to invest in something today, invest in Digital Profit Master! It’s the smart choice…

planet-divinity.com

Dave Nicholson

Hey Guys,

Thanks for a look inside Digital Profit Master just superb!.

John and Dan are the go to guys when it comes to creating your own products. Why? Well, they have a proven track record of over-delivering both quality and quantity in there training programs. They don’t just talk the talk they walk the walk with multiple JV Zoo product of the day awards.

With Digital Profit Master, John and Dan have set the bar very, very high when it comes to product creation courses. Easy to follow, easy to implement rock solid real word advice. Digital Profit Master is an absolute MUST HAVE to anyone wanting to create their own range of best selling products.

Well done guys this is outstanding!

epublishingroadmap.com

Robert Corrigan

Since joining your program my first major product launch has grossed $6446 so far and $100s of recurring income is still coming in each month. I have added over 16,000 subscribers to my list and am generating a 4 figure monthly income.

Kieth Purkis

Now The BIG Question is?

We feel it is important to be honest, in fact we both base our whole marketing business on honesty and helping people succeed online.

Digital Profit Master is a complete training program that is absolutely packed full of value and will fast track your route to a successful product in no time. So in answer to that question, as long as you apply what we teach “Yes you will see a massive return on your investment”. Digital Profit Master is NOT an eBook containing copy paste third rate information from the internet. This is a step by step fully integrated course that is full of amazing value to help you start creating the ultimate products you have always wanted. This course will earn you an income for years to come.

Please consider that Digital Profit Master is a complete step by step success course and it’s very easy to see how this product could sell for over $1000 or more.

Our marketing mission is to help people like you make an online income and give back as much as we can. We are not crazy we simply want to show you how to make an online income and at the same time make it affordable!

By choosing Digital Profit Master today, you will certainly benefit greatly and definitely won’t be paying $1000 for all of this valuable content. In fact, if you ACT NOW then you can grab this killer home study course for the best price ever. 

Yes, if you act now (during launch week) you will receive our complete product creation success course at the best price ever! Comprising of 6 easy to follow modules, along with easy to understand video tutorials, printable work sheets, Digital Profit Master PDF reports, Mind Maps reports, Printable Mind Maps, also dedicated support during and after product creation and a whole lot more…

We Are Also Giving You a 60 Day no Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee!

Look.

We know this works, but you might be skeptical and that’s perfectly normal. We get that.

So you can come on board, go through the program and judge for yourself.

We’ll even give you 60 days to try the whole thing out…

If, for whatever reason, you want your money back just let us know within 60 days and you’ll get afull refund, no questions asked.

Yes.

That’s right…

We will give you a complete refund no matter what the reason.

Because that’s how confident we are that this will work for you, just like it’s worked for everyone else who’s followed our training

In short – Everyone who follows what we teach get results.

Why?

Because it works.

Remember! Create a Digital Product Once and You Can Sell it as many Times as You Like

The BIG question now is…

Are you in?

Attention – Next Price Increase in:

YES John & Dan – Let me in

YES. Please give me immediate access to “Digital Profit Master” today for this single super low investment.

YES. I understand I am short-cutting thousands of hours of painstaking research, trial and error by getting my hands on these proven product creation methods.

YES. Even if I am a complete newbie I know this will work for me as long as I follow your guidance.

YES. I want immediate access to these groundbreaking strategies right away so I can start applying them today and finally start creating awesome online products that I can sell over and over again.

I understand there is no risk whatsoever and I should grab Digital Profit Master  RIGHT NOW for a very small, ONE-TIME, ONE-OFF investment and if I am not happy for whatever reason, I can request a refund under your60 Day Money Back Guarantee.

  [GET] Digital Profit Master DOWNLOAD

We look forward to hearing YOUR success stories! Now you can finally start creating and selling the products you have always wanted and start to make a real business!

We look forward to hearing about your success.

P.S. You are one click away from breaking through right now.

When we started trying to learn how to create profit pulling products there wasn’t anything like this amazing program to help up.

Sure – there was information out there, but we had to find it. We did it the hard way!

Now you don’t have to. We have provided over 20 years experience, tips, tricks and research into one accessible, simple to follow, easily explained members area which you can invest in today for one low price.

So you have a choice?

You can try and do all this on your own and make a lots of costly mistakes OR…

You can get this simple, step-by-step method right now and immediately breakthrough to creating your own amazing income generating products today!

Click the “Buy Now” button to get started…

YES John & Dan – Let me in

YES. Please give me immediate access to “Digital Profit Master” today for this single super low investment.

YES. I understand I am short-cutting thousands of hours of painstaking research, trial and error by getting my hands on these proven product creation methods.

YES. Even if I am a complete newbie I know this will work for me as long as I follow your guidance.

YES. I want immediate access to these groundbreaking strategies right away so I can start applying them today and finally start creating awesome online products that I can sell over and over again.

I understand there is no risk whatsoever and I should grab Digital Profit Master  RIGHT NOW for a very small, ONE-TIME, ONE-OFF investment and if I am not happy for whatever reason, I can request a refund under your60 Day Money Back Guarantee.

[GET] Digital Profit Master DOWNLOAD

[lenaglittleus]

Post-Injury Tips to Help You Recover Faster

“Hey, don’t cry,” said the ER nurse, approaching my hospital bed. “We got that arm back in.”

Yes we did. It took two doctors, the nurse, me, the threat of being put under general anesthetic, and two giant IV bags of pain meds to do it. And it still hurt like hell. But that’s not why I was crying.

My injury was a season ender.

I had been doing a simple shoulder stretch at home—something I had done countless times before—when my shoulder dislocated suddenly. The sound was sickening. The pain was immediate. And after trying (and failing) to get my shoulder back into its socket on my own, I headed to the ER. Again.

It was the first time I had dislocated my shoulder while stretching, but it was the third time in as many years that it had popped out of its socket and refused to go back in, landing me in the ER. And as the doctor explained, strike three meant surgery.

That was in August 2016. I had surgery less than two months later, becoming yet another pro athlete with a career-pausing injury.

It is a universally acknowledged truth that injuries suck, and for an athlete, the pain isn’t even the worst part. If you live to compete, the most excruciating aspect of becoming injured is being unable to do what you love (training and racing). Most of us experience that disappointment at some point. Injuries are frustratingly common in endurance sports. We push our bodies to their limits, asking them to cover hundreds of miles each week across multiple athletic disciplines. It’s hardly surprising that they sometimes break and fail.

Until it happens to you. Then it’s definitely surprising and more than a little heartbreaking. If you’re lucky, and your injury is relatively minor, you can heal it yourself in a few days or weeks with a bit of smart self-care and rehab. But if your injury is serious enough to require prolonged medical attention—as mine was—you’ll need to play the long game, and how well you play it will determine how long you have to. Here’s what I learned from nearly a year on the sidelines, and how you can recover faster after an injury.

  Find the Right Doctor

Finding a healthcare professional who knows your sport and has both an excellent reputation and extensive experience treating athletes is key for expediting your diagnosis and recovery. That’s because they’ll understand how your injury will affect your ability to move in the context of your sport, thus allowing them to customize your treatment plan and develop a realistic prognosis for how long it will take you to return to training and racing. Believe me when I say that such “insider” care can make a world of difference, especially when it comes to minimizing your recovery time.

How do you find such a physician? Ask friends and training buddies for recommendations, consult with your coach, and (most important) do your own research. Before finally settling on a doctor to perform for my surgery, there wasn’t a shoulder surgeon west of the Rockies that I didn’t Google-stalk. I ultimately chose the one that I did because he had been a competitive cyclist, had a successful track record treating athletes, and came highly recommended by a friend who’s a physical therapist, and whom I trust implicitly. When my friend said “EK, I would trust him with my shoulder, and I’ve seen hundreds of his patients,” I knew that I had found the right doc. It’s your body, and you want to make sure you have 100 percent faith in whomever you choose to repair it.

  Accept Your Situation

As the saying goes “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” When you receive your post-injury diagnosis and prognosis, be ready to accept them regardless of whether or not they’re what you hoped to hear.

I came by that advice the hard way. When I went to see my shoulder specialist to learn the results of my MRI, I expected him to tell me that I could fix my injury with intensive physical therapy. Instead he told me that without surgery there was a 100 per cent chance my shoulder would dislocate again. “Surgery is a when,” he said, “not an if.”

His diagnosis hit me like a freight train. I wanted to cry. I struggled not to scream. I bit my tongue, fighting back the urge to tell him that his years of medical experience must have been ill spent if he couldn’t see that my injury wasn’t serious.

I was wrong and he was right, of course, but It took me a while to accept that. Some people liken the psychological process of dealing with a serious injury to that of grieving, suggesting that both follow the same progression—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’m still not sure which phase I was in when I went under the knife a couple of weeks later. I knew it’s what I had to do have any hope of remaining a professional athlete, but I definitely had not accepted my situation yet. I just didn’t see any other option that had any chance of helping me return to racing.

Learn from my mistake. If you are recovering from an injury—especially one that required surgery—I urge you to do all you can to move through the grieving process as quickly as possible. That’s easier said than done, but if you surround yourself with strong people you trust and love—and who feel the same way about you—it expedites the process tremendously. They can help you see that your injury is just a blip on your athletic journey. It doesn’t define you, and it won’t last forever. It’s almost a rite of passage. When you realize all of that, you can finally start healing.

I speak from experience. After I reached the acceptance stage, everything—and I mean everything—became a whole lot easier. It took me almost two months to get there, but once I did, I stopped trying to rush my rehab, and I committed to following my treatment plan to the letter. Almost immediately, my progress began to pick up speed.

Treat Rehab Like Training

Endurance athletes are incredible creatures. To succeed at what we do, we need intense focus, a strong work ethic, and an unwavering dedication to our sport. All of these things help us through the highs and lows of training and racing, including getting injured.

Although it took me a while to accept my post-injury situation, I eventually threw myself into my rehabilitation with the same guts and gusto with which I train. I went to three one-hour physical therapy sessions a week, and did two sessions of mind-numbingly tedious rehabilitation exercises a day. Don’t get me wrong—my path to recovery wasn’t smooth. Far from it—my arm/shoulder complex had been unstable for years, and I had learned a lot of dysfunctional patterns to compensate for that. Unlearning those patterns took longer than anticipated, but I stayed focused, tried to remain positive, and kept telling myself that it would all work out in the end (which, of course, it did).

Through it all, I refused to allow myself to be just an “injured athlete,” waiting idly for my shoulder to heal. I used all of the free time that would otherwise have gone to training to pursue other passions and pastimes. That helped me keep my head in a good place. I also learned how important it is to maintain a sense of humor. The road to rehabilitation is not always an easy one, so staying upbeat is a key part of remaining motivated. Indeed, maintaining the ability to laugh at oneself during bleak times can be powerful medicine.

  Focus On What You Can Do, Not On What You Can’t

It’s easy to get hung up on everything that you’re missing after an injury. Your training buddies might be posting all sorts of PRs on Strava and talking about upcoming events with the same excitement and fervor that you typically do. Competitors might be winning races that you feel you could have won. And you might find yourself filling out race refund requests instead of registration forms. But you need to learn to shut all of that out and train your brain to focus what you can do, because, trust me, there is still a great deal that you can do to stay in shape and work toward your goals.

Even though my right arm was completely out of action, I managed to swim using only my left arm three or four times a week from mid-November through March. That’s nearly five months of one-armed swimming, but it meant that I could get in the pool, see my teammates, and maintain my feel for the water, which is important for swim stroke mechanics. I also spent a lot of time in the pool doing vertical kicking and kicking with fins or a kickboard, all of which turned me into a total demon kicker; there’s no one on my team who can touch me at kicking now!

Outside of the pool, I began going on long walks, running on an AlterG (anti-gravity) treadmill, riding gently on the trainer, and working with my strength coach in the gym (mostly on core and lower body conditioning). Progress was slow, but my coach and I were able to gradually increase my training volume the so that by April/May I was putting together a 13 to 15-hour training week. Granted, that’s less than half of the time I usually spend training each week, but it was progress, and it felt good.

  Focus on Prevention

Once you experience the sidelines, you never want to return to them. The best way to do that is with “prehab,” which means incorporating exercises that can help prevent future injuries into your training program. Even though my shoulder is healed, I continue to do a lot of joint-specific strength and mobility work to keep it healthy, for example.

I also can’t advocate enough the importance of following a total-body strength and conditioning program. You don’t need to hit the gym nearly as often as you run, swim, or bike, but logging a couple of hours there each week can increase your speed and power, and greatly reduce your risk of injury.

The winter months are the perfect time to build a strength base, which will help ensure that your body is robust enough to handle all of the miles you plan to put it through come spring. So will eating healthfully, sleeping adequately, and engaging in regular self-care (foam rolling, stretching, mobility training, etc.). If you look after your body, it will reward you.

from News About Health https://www.beachbodyondemand.com/blog/recovery-post-injury