#sometimes I just wanna be the person that ppl wanna save yknow | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ladyimaginarium · 2 years ago

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❌i& mean. we& post a lot about plurality, yeah, bc it. yknow. affects our& personal life on every scale, but we& also post about pretty much anything.

✅well. duh. we& have trauma since for pretty much as long as we& can remember; we& have a lot of protectors. this isn't all sunshine & rainbows & fun & games.

➖not necessarily all gay persay although we& do have a handful of vincians & lesbians, but all of us& are queer in some way shape or form. except like. the very, very young littles who don't really have a grasp on stuff like that. only a few of us& actually use neopronouns.

❌we& never once dyed our& hair completely, only w/ blonde streaks & that was before our& syscovery so that doesn't count imo. BUT we& do have a wig coming in the mail & we& hope to get others in the future for us&. so. lmao

➖i& mean. we& have bangs & medium length hair that i& plan on growing out for cultural reasons. idk why that would be a sign of a fake system lmao.

✅well. yeah. a LOT but not all of our& system members are fictives. likely due to a mixture of autism, adhd, special interests & hyperfixations combined w/ almost always being on edge due to hypervigilance. we& split very easily. we& have trauma. shit happens. so why wouldn't we& introject them?

❌we've& only been fakeclaimed a few times online but it happens even more in the outerworld offscreen including my& own ignorant family & a stupid ass social worker but im& professionally diagnosed w/ usdd & medically recognized as a did system for the time being after asking for an evaluation for years so uh. yeah. they all can lick my& neck, my& back & lick my& pussy & my& crack idgaf. it's my& brain not theirs.

✅yeah, we& use sign-offs & emojis on discord & tumblr & use pluralkit.

✅that's Colt&. probably others im& missing but we're& brainfoggy atm but he's& the first that came to mind. he's& traumatized. leave my& boy outta this.

❌we& can't apply makeup except lipstick to save our& lives lmao i& wish tho.

✅lmfao funny storytime. when we& were getting vaxxed last year, this nurse thought i& was like 12-14 & spoke to me& in this lil baby voice & it was so wack. my& mom says i& look 16. i'm& chronologically 22. heuheuheue doug moment.

❌i& mean we've& yet to use tiktok but sometimes i& talk about random things about shit that happened in the headspace. like. what. yall only want us& to be miserable & just talk about how depressing life w/ our& symptoms are bc apparently systems can never be happy?? lmao

✅we& were using discord for years before our& syscovery & a lot of ppl use discord so. still working on a carrd but procrastination is a bitch.

❌no lmfao

❌we're& professionally diagnosed so. lmfao

✅most of us& don't, but very few do; we& always make sure to translate it, though, if it effects screenreaders.

❌no, no & no. i& have no intentions of going into any of these fandoms to begin w/. & even then, leave introjects from popular media alone like jfc lmfao

❌we& don't go near fakeclaimers or exclusionists w/ a 10 foot pole, & we& do our& best to be kind w/ everyone & tend to not wanna get into drama or arguments on social media for our& own mental health. so no.

❌we& do our& best to practice system responsibility both individually & collectively. that doesn't always mean system responsibility has to be delivered in a nice way especially if the other person is literally just ignoring us& collectively or just saying/doing nasty shit, if you're a dick to us& we're& not giving you special treatment bc we're& a system. obviously, i'm& not saying don't take responsibility by knowing that someone could've been there to halt the process or don't apologize on xyz's behalf when they're not around but still. yeah, we& could apologize for not being able to prevent something from being said or happening and we're& inherently tied together because we're& in the same body, but we're& entirely separate people. if you have a problem with a specific system member, talk to that system member, don't run around acting like it was every single one of us that said/did smth. & none of us& are a pos so.

❌why would we& do that lmao tbh idk what it is in the did community specifically or just the overall plurality community as a whole to like record a switch & make it look like a spectacle or smth but like. singlets are all over that shit for some reason. it's wild. we've& never really recorded ourselves&, either, also bc our& video camera on our& phone is meh & most of the time our& switches are very covert, sometimes even i& have trouble knowing if we& switched & even if we& did it's nobody's business.

➖we're& a multigenic system w/ did ( medically recognized ) / udd ( professionally dxed ). yes, we're& a multigenic/mixed origins system w/ disordered aspects like dealing w/ amnesia, identity issues, dissociation, & the comorbid c-ptsd, etc. yes, we& exist. some of our& system members are formed by origins other than trauma or stress such as neurodivergence, cultural, spiritual or magickal practices. naturally, we& respect nontraumagenic systems.

Tw // Fakeclaiming

Saw this and saw some other systems answering so we want to too! (Note, we don't have DID, but in the case of Sysmeds they interchangeably use DID and System as the same thing)

❌ we post about our interests a lot.

✅ They describe our system members' roles easily, so why not?

❌ We have a few cishet people, and I think only a couple use neopronouns.

❌ We have never dyed our hair.

❌ Our hair is just past our shoulders and we have a regular middle part, our fringe just frames our face a lil.

✅ We get new Headmates often in times of stress, and if we have a character who brings us great comfort, why wouldn't we introject them?

❌ We've actually never been fakeclaimed. We've been posted on r/systemscringe twice I believe, but one was because of an inside joke that the poster took seriously, and I honestly can't remember the other one 💀. Not once did they say we were fake. One person did comment "out of all the star wars characters why introject Ezra Bridger" which was. Something.

➖ We do if we're talking about system experiences. We often forget on here. While talking to people on discord we often use pk. It's so people know what they can and can't talk about i.e Don't talk Abt Belos around Hunter, Don't talk about the Kraang around me(Leon) etc. Also I'd like to sign off because I use they/he and hate She Pronouns, whereas some people use He/She and hate They pronouns.

❌ I don't think so? Most of us are super outgoing. The most "edgy" I can think of is Hunter but he's just traumatised.

❌ Never worn eyeliner

✅ Yeah? We are under 18. Minors can be systems!

➖ We don't talk about how we interact a lot. We have a couple times but we don't see any point.

➖ Don't a lot of people use discord? Also no! We have a carrd but we prefer Rentry.

❌ We talk about being plural a lot because it's a massive part of who we are but sometimes we just wanna talk about tmnt or the owl house or star wars.

❌ We don't want to be diagnosed with DID, because we do not have it.

❌ Typing quirks are difficult for us to read and understand, why would we do that to ourselves? Yuno types in italics but only because he likes how it looks, and Evelyn puts ᓚᘏᗢ before her messages because she likes cats.

❌ We don't have any of them. Our most introjected media currently is Rottmnt.

❌ We'd be happy to educate them and if they started getting aggressive we would simply block them.

❌ Headmates who are aggressive and/or would cause distress to other people do not interact on social media, and we strongly believe in system responsibility.

❌ We don't record ourselves ever, and our switches are very small and unnoticeable.

➖ We are Praesigenic. We will not say if we are Traumagenic or Endogenic, although we do completely support Endo Systems.

Overall we relate to only 3 of these things.

Note: Even if you relate to all of these things, or none of these things, that does not mean you are faking. Plurality is different for everyone and as long as you say you are a system, you are a system. <3

#arcana.txt #tw; long post #** blog; post additions.#dash games.

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unohanadaydreams · 4 years ago

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It’s the live blogging for the beginning of the Arrancar arc that I forgot to post after I read it. Just a warning that I talk way too much in this one.

Ichigo looks genuinely SO scared that Tatsuki can see his deputy badge. Not just shocked, but scared. He doesn’t want her to be a target, but as we know, she becomes one after not dying immediately after Yammy does his mass soul suck.

He just got back from the Soul Society and it’s like he’s just remembering ‘oh fuck, I’m home again and all the people I care about are still at risk. Saving Rukia didn’t suddenly change that’.

That one, big battle against Byakuya didn’t suddenly end everything. The world is still changed for him and for the people around him and the happily ever after didn’t come just because he won.

Not sure, because I haven’t gotten to when Ichigo actually takes Shinji up on his offer, but I’m sure what Isshin says is the Central 46 cover up version of things, because as we know, it’s not true.

And Isshin saying this is very funny, because you are ALSO a lawless ex-soul reaper, sir. If you stepped foot in the Seireitei, they would beat the shit out of you. The remaining Shibas would flower cannon their way in and join the party, too (mostly because that’s how they express concern, but yknow).

Real friendship is being so horribly gross to each other that you are embarrassed for yourself and each other. Shinji doesn’t even wanna do this, it’s just something he has to do, to preserve his shaken honor and to make Hiyori regret the day she thought touching his pancake ass was a good idea.

Okay, so I don’t have anything grand to say, just that I really enjoy how ALL of the Arrancars are introduced in the sexiest way possible on panel. Even Yammy looks great when he’s introduced. RIP to the ppl who only know these characters from the anime, because the optics of this arc was lost in translation, for sure.

Like, the designs of the Arrancar are literally so fucking good. Even the designs that ppl say are “ugly” fuck so hard. Kubo truly is un fucking beaten at making seggsy characters.

God this panel FUCKS. Not only the swaths of black that signify Hichigo trying his best to take control of Ichigo the moment he sees a strong opponent, but the way that Ichigo automatically looks to Orihime and Chad because he is genuinely scared that once he loses control, they will be as likely a target as the Arrancar.

It also makes his consequent instinct to push them both away later on, both in his reluctance to speak to Orihime and his insistence that Chad run away instead of fight beside him, more nuanced later on.

He’s not just guilty. He’s scared. He knows that Shinji is right, as much as doesn’t want to get involved with him. The idea that he would not just fail to protect his friends, but be the one putting them in danger pulls him back to how he felt in the beginning, when he was made to realize that his friends and family where at risk due to his spiritual pressure luring in hollows/giving them sight and powers.

And once again, Rukia forces him to understand its not something he can change. And it’s not something he can shoulder alone. Not just when she forces him to speak to Orihime with some fucking honesty in his voice, but also when she looks disappointed at Chad running the opposite direction of Ichigo when Grimmjow shows up, because there is only one reason he would do that (because Ichigo was scared and told him to leave).

Sometimes you just have to slap the self destructive tendencies out of your local human delinquent turned friend because he’s so used to aggression that its the way he’s most comfortable speaking about his baggage in any capacity.

Damn, ma, how’d you package all these onigiri? And don’t you fucking lie to me 🔪🔪🔪

The concept that there are soul reapers that don’t understand mass production is actually so fucking funny.

They go to the human world and treat malls like modern day castles. They are humble gods lording over their mall food court feast.

This is how I know the majority of shinigami know how to sew and cook, because there is no way they can just pop into some local convenience store or fast fashion shop.

Except for the 12th division/R&D. They eat like malnourished college kids trying to develop scurvy for the fun of it and wear embarrassing merch after they spill mountain dew on themselves.

I know some people don’t like that Orihime has so much time dedicated to her feelings of jealousy, but I think its one of the best handled parts of this arc, because her jealousy stems first and foremost from her insecurity that she no longer belongs--that for all her smarts and unique powers, it is not enough and will never be--she is not enough and never will be.

Orihime just got back from the Soul Society, where she feels she has done nothing of help, and she comments on this multiple times. She was not hurt, because she did not battle, and could not hear Isane call out the news of Aizen’s betrayal. She was not strong enough to help Uryu against Mayuri or Ichigo against Byakuya.

She doesn’t view her contributions in Soul Society as valid, because she is not proficient in battle and above that, she does not want to kill people, even enemies. How could she possibly belong to the same world as Ichigo, Chad, and Uryu when the sight of complete strangers being blown to bits makes her crumple and her every attempt to fight is met with an immediate defeat.

This growing sense of insecurity is fully aggravated to something unbearable when the arrancars show up and Tatsuki, Chad, and Ichigo are all harmed and nothing she does is good enough to stop it. Not just that, but everyone seems to drift farther away from her afterwards. She knows its because they feel bad too, but it sucks. It feels like she’s lost her friends even when they’re right there, avoiding making eye contact with her.

And, I’m sure Orihime does feel jealous of the connection Rukia has with Ichigo, of her ability to make Ichigo stand up and look his fears in the eye, but that seems like the easier thing to admit than that she feels completely unimportant and useless as a person compared to someone like Rukia, who originates from the supernatural world that Orihime is struggling to navigate.

Not just that, but Rangiku is EXACTLY right. It is very human to reject those kinds of feelings or take those feelings and weaponize them in an attempt to put power over someone and therefore those feelings.

But, Orihime doesn’t do that. She is thankful to Rukia. She loves Rukia. She loves that Ichigo can depend on Rukia--that she and her friends can depend on Rukia.

She has emotional competence and strength that a lot of teenagers straight up do not have and she cries to Rangiku, convinced that she is irredeemable and weak for admitting that she wants to be more. That she wants to be grown up and graceful and strong and she doesn’t like herself compared to Rukia.

I also really like the full scope of what Rangiku says, because AGAIN, she’s right. The idea that you only need one person and that Ichigo doesn’t draw his strength from all his friends and family, isn’t true. The idea that Orihime is losing a competition and Ichigo has already chosen the winner isn’t true.

Calm down, Orihime. Keep doing your best for the people you love. Keep doing your best by Ichigo and he’ll keep doing his best for the people he loves. He’ll keep doing his best by you, too. Nothing’s been lost and nothing’s been won. You’ve seen the finish line already--death--and all you can do now keep trying to fight it.

I just really like how well they lead up to this moment, because Orihime does broadcast her feelings of insecurity, even when she dresses it up as her being silly and care-free through out the previous arc and beginning of this one. And how they execute it, as well.

#manga live blog #bleach live blog for the shinigami soul

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shorkbrian · 4 years ago

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ASKS

casual sk answering time!!!

If you don’t see your ask, it’s because I’m saving it to use as a reminder to write a Drabble/thirst/fic!

As always, if you don’t want to see these types of posts from me, block the tag #shorkbrian answers a lot of asks

No particular order lol I just got stressed cause my inbox is hecka full and it’s hard for me to find stuff lol.

ahh I am trying so hard to get better at writing!! If anyone has any tips lmk fr PLEASE god bless u

I HAVEN’T SEEN JJK YET SAJNFJFN I WANT TOOOOOOOO

I don’t like responding to praise it scares me

(I try my best bc I appreciate and care for everyone and anyone who talks to me. I literally would stab myself in the leg 4 u I'm not joking <3 )

Sweaty I will write for anything I know the characters of I am so horny all the time this is me

Yeah Shinsy and Aizawa would totally adopt your pet if it’s a cat. they’re chill like that. There was this one Levi fic I read where he kidnaps u but he brings along ur kitten and it’s SO SOFT (but the smut is what drew me to it remember first and foremost I have a high libido)

Bro Shouto in general he just make me wanna

Hey hey it’s all good guys! No worries! I can’t ever say no to people lol I’m sorry

Don’t you dare talk down to yourself like that!!!! It’s okay to not know stuff lol sometimes u just gotta like give it a second to sink in while you think about it yknow? If anyones dumb it’s me. I had an IQ test done once and I got an F.

That shall be done, do not worry!

So, I don’t have like a “folder” folder lol I just use Pinterest bro. it’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free. I’m unoriginal and trashy but that’s my brand and who I am as a person so

You’re so very sweet!! I appreciate your kind words so so much bro. This is totally not crossing a line, dw about it, I like to think that I’m chill lol. (just don’t be surprised if I take over and overshare abs myself for 8 hrs lolol)

Me pretending that fic doesn’t exist

fr I don’t know where the story would go from there man. All it would be is just like sex scenes and idk there’s only so many ways to have sex lol. but ty for supporting me with your lovely words!

Anything?

girl.... your standards..... pick them up sweetie they fell in the trash!!!

(Ajlsdljsa I’m sorry I don’t know how to accept compliments like a normal person I swear I’m trying to get better at it tho I promise I do)

Dis is u

Never babe I only do wrongs

I don’t know how to respond or talk to people im sorry

I’m actually being very unhealthy rn..... but it’s fine cheesecake counts as meals so

Me jus tryna enjoy some liquid while my Brian screeches at me abs all the stuff I have yet to accomplish in life

I hate having my Brian be mean 2 me I’m just tryna vibe w u guys and answer asks and my Brian is like “get into a fight with one of them over compliments do it”

Maybe bc I’m not doing any of it for profit? I don’t have to worry about legal repercussions? idk who knows

It’s on Spotify so it means that it has my name on it, sorry. Also I hate sharing things that I’ve made w ppl this blog is scary enough lol

I don’t know where the story would go, sorry. This isn’t a story that looks like it’ll have continuations anytime soon.

You making a fun joke about NNN to Bakugou vs u getting railed over every possible surface in the house

Awaso! you should DM me sometime dude! I’m not making fun of you, that’s not my jam.

you’re so very sweet, like I said!! DM me!!

I’m scared what does this mean

#shorkbrian answers a lot of asks #for new followers #a short reminder #that I am terrible at answering asks #in a timely manner #pls do not be offended if I don't answer ur ask right away #I love u

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i-am-a-fucking-nerd · 4 years ago

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td is my 21st bday and my day wasn’t bad and lots of ppl have done lots of things to make me feel loved but im gonna vent a bit bc i’ve been saving it. and im. so fucking sad. last year my bday was just after quarantine started and it was tough bc nothing rly felt real yet and i’d been looking forward to going to services and seeing my friends at temple and then going home to my roommates and a couple friends and being able to eat dinner w them and get drunk and watch a movie together and i held a lot of resentment towards the universe for a v long time bc i kept thinking abt how like, i wasn’t asking for much at all, i just wanted a nice day where i got to see ppl who loved me, and yet somehow it was still too much to ask. and like. im def not “used” to living like this and i can’t say it’s gotten easier over time but sometimes things aren’t totally awful, yknow? but the past week has been hell, the year feels so heavy. and it’s undeniably a year. bc it’s actually slightly over a year. bc quarantine started just before my bday. a whole year feeling unloved and alone. and who i talk to or how much doesn’t even change that much bc no one can hug me. it’s been a year. it’s been a year. it’s so big and it hurts so much. i tried not to ask for anything this year bc if i don’t ask for anything then anything that Does come my way is a pleasant surprise (and lots of ppl reached out and i got some rly thoughtful gifts and im not tryna discount the love i received and i don’t wanna seem ungrateful) but if im being honest w myself i’d always expected to do something for my 21st, most likely in the form of buying a drink legally, and like im not a party type of person but i am a ‘hanging out w my friends’ type of person and i just feel so fucking alone.

#havilah's thoughts #alcohol mention #alcohol tw #tw alcohol #birthday #i feel so small rn like physically in myself #fuck #middle school havilah has been feeling unloved and unlovable lately and idk how to make her feel better idk what to say the pandemic is just #so big it's hard to hold #it's so hard to know all the time that anytime i go outside mine and everyone's life around me is at risk #it's hard knowing that if i were to see my loved ones and hold and be held our lives would be in danger it doesn't make sense it doesn't alw #ays feel real #anyway im. so fucking scared of dying alone i hate being alone and im terrified that im gonna catch covid and die and have spent the past ye #ar of my life alone and it amounting to nothing for myself #i've been alone so long i don't wanna be alone anymore no more no more #i cant i cant i cant. and i know i will. cuz i have been this whole time. im in the desert and gd is giving me mana and i can't save it and #it's not enough but i will continue to live anyway and there will be meaning and joy in this suffering but right now it's just time to feel #t. feel it and cry and let it hurt for a bit #bc it hurts #ok im zoning out i need to. come back to my room. im gonna brush my teeth and go to bed gn and thank u to anyone who read this i guess

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pbscore · 4 years ago

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Aw dude i love seeing the range of stuff you post tbh! I only have like 1 tag blacklisted on the whole of tumblr (which i dont get when ppl complain like just block it and move on yknow?), but like the aesthetic pics are like *chefs kiss*. Like ill even save them for if i wanna use them as refs later on! Sounds cheesy, but i love seeing your depth as a person cus thats hard to get online sometimes!! 🌻💕

ANON, I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS MESSAGE!! 😆🤟🏽✨💛

#asks #anon #thank you!!#your words really pulled at my heartstrings!!

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trickstarbrave · 4 years ago

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I know ppl wanna dunk on communes and like I get it I hate the almost certainly white idea that we’re going to move away into a perfect self sustaining village and never have to work a day in our lives and be free from oppression and be artistically liberated and I need you to know that’s not what I’m abt to talk abt. What I’m going to talk abt is a hypothetical wish fulfillment fantasy I’m hyperfixating on

I know I’m never gonna like own a house likely. Like have you see me??? Have you seen the housing market??? Even if I get approved my children would end up working off the mortgage after I’m dead with the way the economy is going (unless we destroy capitalism entirely in which case disregard all of this post). But I hate the idea that I’ll just be renting indefinitely, because most of the time you are renting you can’t do SHIT. You can’t do anything cool. You have to ask your shitty landlord if you can paint the walls and they’ll say no so you put up stick on wallpaper and hang painting that u have to carefully remove abs patch up w absolutely 0 damage or visible marks at all by the time you move out. Hate your kitchen backsplash? Too bad. Hate your cabinets? Get used to them. Tub sucks? Your landlord won’t replace that piece of shit you can barely fit in until they have to. Wanna get different flooring or paint the walls? NO. You’re stuck with it because it isn’t yours to do with as you please, it’s just a box you put your stuff in, so suck it up or move somewhere else you’ll be unhappy

I hate it. And the solution was: friends and I pool our resources to own land as a group (there are legal ways to do it but u will have to pay up front a cash most likely). It is in a space that suits us. We devise exit plans. Next we move on to phase 2: buy manufactured homes, rvs, third wheels, extra large sheds we convert into houses, whatever we can. Maybe some ppl start w a third wheel rv and a tent until they can save up, maybe some ppl wanna convert a shed into a cottage. We get the permits and bc the structures our technically our property on the land (yknow like how trailer parks you can own the house but u pay land rent to the landlord) we can get approved for our own loans on them (at higher interest but still cheaper than a whole house) rather than the hell that is trying to group buy an entire fucking house together. It’s our land so we can have a little community garden or whatever if we want, or a cool fire pit, maybe a movie projector, who cares. They are our things we can rennovate if we want to. I can see my friends casually bc we’re now kinda sorta neighbors. We also get our own privacy bc we wouldn’t be in the same building necessarily, we would be in our own places.

If someone wants out they can follow their exit plan, we buy the shares of the property, and the structure can be removed or moved (for a lotta money for the manufactured homes and sheds sometimes good lord), it even rented out for relatively cheap in as ethical way as we can rather than for profits if needed.

There are many problems with this I know get in the way of it w me like 1. I’m still broke 2. My friends may have jobs on the other side of town or smth 3. My friends are also broke as hell 4. I’m sure getting the sewer lines and electric would be hell for this tho we could also do solar and 5. I’m disabled so living out on a piece of land w my friends and gardening and shit isn’t necessarily going to be smth I can do easily or the best fit for me it may be hell and repairs and renovations will suck

But what makes me the most mad is this is a very shitty, basic ass fantasy. “I could live in an rv on a piece of land near my friends” shouldn’t be a cute, unrealistic fantasy. If I went back several decades and told ppl I can’t even afford a house and I’m pining over shed conversion into a living space rather than the full house ave white picket fence and family sustained on one person’s income I think they would assume I’m from a dystopian future. Because I am. Bc I think living like that in a space of an apartment but I own all the fucking walls and I can paint them and the cabinets and get a nice tub and put up a greenhouse or garden and just be able to own the space is unattainable entirely. Like. Unless there are big changes on a societal level I don’t think I could even do this. Just owning my living space in a capitalistic hellscape is becoming impossible and it Sucks

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years ago

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another reason jere and chris’s relationship is written well (see always: it’s not that hard!! ugh!!! super simple things to do but no we have to have a zillion horribly-handled empty guy/girl relationships!! why not) is just that like.....it doesn’t do that exasperating thing where the girl who is being crushed upon just needs to Notice the guy in the last 10 minutes and it will be like “wow yeah we’re dating now” like the only way to have a positive relationship at all is to be like well i’m your girlfriend now

but like, jeremy and christine actually have A Relationship Development over the entire course of the musical And there are strong suggestions that they have a very parallel experience in terms of how they Like each other, despite jeremy being the one who starts out with a crush while we don’t have reason to think christine has a crush on him at the start of things, but it sure seems like she does start to have this genuine interest in jeremy the whole time even if she isn’t necessarily thinking of it in that way the entire time

like ilpr is a solid and genuine foundation showing that christine can be herself in jeremy’s presence, not even independently of his feedback either, i.e. if he hadn’t responded as positively as he had she probably wouldn’t have been as genuine and open as she was. and we get to see that jeremy experiences this and totally enjoys it, that Reaction when she gets super worked up with the punches and voice all I!! LOVE!! PLAY! REHEARSAL!! is golden thank you william....and like!! they’re kindred spirits!! christine isn’t ~too good~ for him b/c she’s Popular (since she isn’t even officially in the popular group, not even later on when she’s dating jake and considering Jeremy to be popular), it’s that jeremy thinks Absolutely Everyone is too good for him b/c he thinks he’s fundamentally deficient/inferior just As A Person somehow...”like i’m some Normal handsome guy” is really a hell of a verse....anyways the point is that jeremy is in his heart a christine-esque person in terms of the way christine is So Passionate and weird and dramatic and loud!! but jeremy isn’t really aware of this at the time and trying super hard to repress everything abt himself and in being drawn to christine he is recognizing that Quintessential part of himself w/o realizing it

ANYWAYS and at the end of the rehearsal scene jeremy feels put out like once again there’s been a takedown / i just wanna know that christine is aware i’m alive....but she IS aware he’s alive and he HAS made a positive impression on her, he just like, looks at jake as the Epitome Of Popular super appealing guy, (see: jake/jeremy...), and sees himself as the total opposite end of that spectrum, how could anyone like him when jake’s around, and being in such a negative / failure-expecting / self-loathing place that his perspective is skewed and he can’t see that it Wasn’t a total failure in terms of getting christine’s attention

and then! a guy that i’d kinda be into is all like “oh look here’s this love song between christine and jeremy” but then it’s like “syke!! it was christine and jake” but it’s not Really a psykhe because it’s a love song within a love song with the “i guess a part of me etc” section. and jeremy definitely Feels that in the moment but then again gets such whiplash and the whole thing in his mind is eclipsed by once again having it confirmed for him that she’s into jake. but like, of course it’s easy to see why her relationship with jeremy is developing at the same time as she’s interested in jake, b/c there’s no reason for that to be impossible and yknow, once again christine feels like she can be genuine around jeremy and share her real thoughts with him and she Wants and Likes to talk with him.

and yknow it doesnt help that the squip steps in and is like “its hopeless christine will never like you unless you totally remake yourself” and such, but still, it’s actually going along okay, and jeremy hasn’t even needed the squip to do it. yeah the one incident of him kinda cheating by getting the squip’s help is saying him having a whole Thing at the mall was performance art, but then really it’s all just cancelled out when the squip has jeremy say that he has no reason to join the drama club save his thespianism, and christine is evidently a bit put out by that “why ELSE would i be here”

and then yknow seeing christine liking jake, the center of the whole popular group, and with the squip telling him he needs to be more like those Most Socially Successful people, natch jeremy believes he needs to figure out how to cut it as a ~popular guy~ and then goes off and does that for the rest of act 1 while christine and jake do their own thing

but then Oh The Couch Scene..........it’s so beautiful. and the squip is off and jeremy feels like he’s Messed Up when his impulse is silly and weird....but that’s what he’s really like!! and christine vibes with it and it becomes most obvious that that part of him, the actual Genuine Jeremy part of him, is what’s led him to have what’s arguably his most successful connection with her, just based on sitting down and talking for a second and making each other laugh......like, it Sure Is Something that jeremy learns that christine already thinks of him as popular but just seems to think this divides him from her......this subversion in which now christine thinks of jeremy, who’s supposed to be the loser geek whatever with the unattainable crush, as the out-of-reach Popular Guy......and i like that christine thinks jeremy’s been getting it on with everyone but it just turns into them laughing about her pun. b/c whether he had or hadn’t it’s nice to know christine would not take real issue with that lmao......it’s a great time for someone to express some respect for jeremy’s autonomy. and well anyways!! they have their heartmelting reprise and like. it’s not that christine tells jeremy she doesn’t actually like him and at that point i’m fairly sure that she’s more Aware of possibly maybe liking him. but like!! similar to him she’s been trying out a slightly different version of herself, and it’s just now hitting this roadblock b/c jake in his element here hosting a party w/ all the other popular kids has to be more like his ~Usual~ self than his “i’m also trying new things” self that led to him dating christine.....and, yknow, it’s a lot at once when she’s conflicted abt her and jake and her own sense of identity in general and like, regardless of how she feels about him, right in that moment still at the party of course she’s not gonna feel confident that yes let’s immediately jump into this new relationship. but that doesn’t mean she Doesn’t like him on her own b/c. yknow, their relationship is slowly developing in the background for her even as she focuses on these other things. b/c that’s how it goes sometimes!!

and then yknow the house burns down and everyone’s even more conflicted about everything and jeremy telling christine abt being squipped just freaks her out b/c like, surprise, and b/c yknow, now all these interactions between them which felt very genuine (and were!! the squip doesn’t really direct jeremy at all even if part of the time knowing that it was there gave him this confidence he wouldntve otherwise had, but ilpr / the couch bit was a wholly unsquipt affair) seems like maybe jeremy was just parroting the squips instructions the whole time, and it’s easy to see how that feels like a betrayal, have i said this exact thing before? idk. and then, yknow, her kind of being like “jeremy wtf” is a moment of calibration for him but oh no the squip’s going rogue!! etc. but the fact that it upsets her means her interactions with jeremy held real value to her

and then yknow The Play......first of all? jeremy having the squip for a while means that it’s glitching him up, screwing with his voice and movement, but its still not capable of entirely overriding jeremy’s own commands. thus, presumably, it’s not possible that christine’s 30-second-old squip would be able to force her to do or say something she didn’t want to at all, despite the fact that like, clearly it’s not natural, i really doubt it’s just like the squip mecha-piloting christine’s body and voice. it’s all a bit fuzzy b/c yknow, jeremy’s squip is at the center of the network and everyone’s is being synced to his, and so it seems like jeremy’s squip could tell other ppl’s squip what to do maybe, but it’s hard to say how it truly operates b/c a) chaos and b) jeremy’s squip, a Known Liar, c) is now lying more than ever to try to drag jeremy past the finish line of its plan

but anyways my point is that like. obviously without everyone being squipped, christine at that point would not have just suddenly declared her love for jeremy, and jeremy always Reacts to the weirdness of this and that it doesn’t seem right. but! a)! totally think christine does have her own crush on jeremy at that point. and!! wildly relevantly!! b) the squip just beamed lore from rich’s head (his locker combo) right into jeremy’s via their link, so? if the goal of jeremy’s and christine’s squips was to convince christine asap that Being With Jeremy Would Be Ideal?? why NOT give christine access to jeremy’s real actual feelings for her. she would need convincing anyways, clearly she was just mad at him 3 seconds ago, clearly she was questioning whether any of what she might have thought jeremy felt for her was real!! so it would only work in their favor to let her Know what jeremy’s actual thoughts and feelings are. and then, yknow, if she’s got THAT issue of thinking he wasn’t genuine resolved, and if having her own squip has her like, immediately able to understand why jeremy wanted to have/keep one, and if she’d already had her own Real Feelings for jeremy in the works, and with how she’d probably be questioning her own judgment extra hard anyways thanks to the stress and confusion of the whole Fire problem on top of the vulnerable place she’d already been in re questioning her relationship which she got into while questioning herself.....not super wild to see how she could be convinced vs the squip must totally be forcing her and doing a total system override

but anyways even if, yknow, it IS all of christine’s real feelings at that point like the squip assures him it is in some versions, jeremy recognizes that he doesn’t think it Should be happening this way even if it is supposedly working out in his favor. and then he proves that he’s not gonna let christine stay caught up in his mess and that he prioritizes her like, being allowed to be her own person vs them getting to Be Together, and just icing on the cake that he’s willing to sacrifice himself in a very real way to do that, b/c natch he doesn’t know that the chain reaction thing will happen.........and well then anyways vimh very obvious and even though it’s The Next Scene jeremy’s been legit comatose for however long and christine’s had some time to reflect on events w/o even having the pressure of it being possible to interact with jeremy and been able to make up her collective mind......and anyways the point is that in a lesser piece of media it’d be like “wow thanks for helping me out jeremy, i’ve truly never noticed you but now i’m like cool nice let’s kiss”, but instead it’s that the play and the moment of truth between them and the aftermath is all possible b/c of the way their relationships been developing and the way their individual journeys and their feelings for each other have been awfully parallel in many ways and it’s fitting b/c of that kindred spirits thing and what’s the point of this post? idk. it’s me saying imo christine lowkey has a crush on jeremy already and that this is a way better story than doing the “i didn’t even consider us friends but One Thing happens in the last 20 min to make me go ‘jerry??’ and yeah let’s date now”

what’s my conclusion.......uhhh.......they’re Valid

#bmc

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musicalshards · 5 years ago

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a tag game? is it 2015 again ?

i have not done one of these in a hot minute but i was tagged by @diamantdenkt to do one so here we go i guess!

Nickname: hinhan or HT

Gender: female

Star sign: cancer

Height: 5′1, don’t even bother with the height jokes i’ve heard them all

Time: 22:31

Birthday: July 4th lol i’m glad i’m not american

Nationality: british, english specifically

Favorite band: at the moment it’s pentatonix

Favorite solo artist: difficult question op but imma go with orla gartland atm

Favorite colors: blue, pink, yellow, gold, silver

Wearing: shitty trackies and the 30 year old black long sleeve top that used to belong to my mam covered in paint that i use for decorating and cleaning (it is far too big for me)

Last thing I googled: eR i use ecosia actually (would reccommend get #woke) my last search was ‘dipsomaniac’ ((for those of you who now google this and are mildly concerned, it was in a book i’ve just finished))

Last show I watched: vera lol i’m such a middle age white person

Last movie I watched: yknow? i can’t remember. might’ve been how to train your dragon

Lucky number: honestly do not have one me and numbers don’t really mix well

Why did I choose my url: little 14 year old poetic me liked the feeling of an imagery which encompasses being musical and the idea of shards of glass because i think they can be pretty

When did I create my blog: man must’ve been over four years ago now don’t quite remember

What do I post: i try to keep it majority music things (have just followed some new blogs to try and up that ratio) but also lots of cute animals, generally good memes, the ocassional fandom thing and a lotta Gay Shit

Do you have any other blogs: i have this, one of the official-composer blogs from back in the day when those were a thing, and an archive blog where i tag and save all the useful masterposts about like Doing The Adult bc those are actually really useful (@how-to-adult-correctly if you’re interested)

Do you get asks: sporadically sometimes, it does depend

Blogs who follow you: honestly i’m not sure lol, a mixture of musicians, irl friends and just ppl who find my shit funny probably

Average hours of sleep: i try and keep it at at least 8 and in the holidays easily at 9, but when i’m at uni it ranges easily between 4 and 10 hours, does depend

Dream trip? honestly don’t know, i want to experience new amazing places and things but travelling to places with language barriers, extreme weather, health risks and different sanitation, etc etc stresses me tf out, probably because i’ve grown up in such a boring country where the most severe things that happen are regular floods lol. i always want to travel with other people, specifically friends though.

Instruments: saxophone (play alto most, love soprano most, also tenor, never tried bari [see question 4]), a terrible bit of flute, ukulele, guitar (a little), contemporary singing (a little)

How many blankets do I sleep with: since i assume this game was created by an american who doesn’t use the word duvet (which, trust me, is a word you need in your life), i will make the clarification that i sleep with no actual blankets they’re too thin unless it’s summer; i sleep with just one very thin duvet bc a gal gets warm af

honestly can’t be arsed to tag anyone so you know what to do, if u wanna do the game tag me as ur asker and fly free my dudes

#hannah what the hell #tag game #tag thing

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impivus · 6 years ago

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very rushed very shit intro comin @ you all but here goes nothing ! i’m felix from the gmt tmz, i use he / him pronouns, and im gonna power nap any minute now because one thing you should know about me is that i’m eternally on the verge of passing out from minimum exertions during the day. this is my pain in the ass eunsu: not even going to sugar coat it - he’s the human personification of a headache dumpster fire all in one beefy package and i really don’t even blame your character if they just . ignore his presence because, me too !

under the cut there’s some information about him if you want to get to know more about him regardless. smash that mf heart if you want to plot.. and i will get to you ? sometime ? its an ambiguous promise but i keep them, discord is also an option so just ask if you’d prefer to plot on there. eun’s about is here but no plots as of yet because life is hard and We Cant all Have Everything

aka im lazy

* ☾ ✧ * º ━━ is that KIM JONGIN walking about ? nope ! that’s just EUN SU CHO. & i’ve been told that they work as a INFORMATION BROKER ! apparently, they are TWENTY FIVE ( 204 ) years old . some people say they are a CISMALE, DEMON ! HE is very CULTIVATED & INTUATIVE but also DECIETFUL & MENACING. i wonder if they are just as odd as the rest of us . ⇢ SYNOPSIS. MBTI TYPE / entp, the debater ZODIAC SIGN / scorpio ENNEAGRAM TYPE / 7w8 KINSEY SCALE / 3 MORAL ALIGNMENT / chaotic evil / neutral HOGWARTS HOUSE / slytherin ⇢ AESTHETICS.

goosebumps raised and feelings of growing dread, the dark corner of a room where light doesn’t reach, silver pocket - watches with dead batteries, the scratch of a record player needle, flares in the sky, bad ideas coming to life, half-assed clapping when it’s required, figures dancing within the shadows & a smile you shouldn’t trust .

⇢ OVERVIEW

literally anybody: when are you free? eun su: im forever imprisoned in my own personal hell so i am never truly "free" but i don't really have plans all next week except for monday

this is eun su, and will y’all believe me if i say he used to be a good egg before he turned into the rotten egg i’m presentin y’all with today ?? i kid u not.. bs free zone. he did once .. have a hort he was born to a cult of witches, his twin brother absorbing all the magic that was meant to be equally distributed between them in his mother’s womb, which pretty much left eunsu as the black sheep of the family. said cult had been living on a small, near enough desolated island for literal decades, entertaining themselves with magic, seeking out knowledge, observing the unassuming populace, and toying with other supernatural creatures who dared cross their paths. unfortunately for eunsu’s family, tragedy struck when one of his aunt’s tried to over throw the high priestess ( his mother ) in their coven. unyielding in her position and untouchable to the magic she was exposed to, her sister went about other ways to break the woman’s spirits, dabbling in black magic predominantly to achieve her goals. eunsu’s brother was, thus, cursed before he was even born with an incurable heart defect that would see him dead before he reached double figures. eunsu’s mother was broken not mourned over how much he missed out as on a child: but she mourned for the fact that he was the only child that harboured any magic in their veins, the only child that could’ve carried on their lineage. queue entrance of eunsu and his Whats the Worst that Could Happen Attitude. being young and naive, thought he could’ve been able to solve it by himself, solve the issues and earn his mother’s lacking affections. eun had heard about dark vessels that could miraculously grant wishes through summonings. though he didn’t have magic in his veins he had a fire in his heart, and after all, demons cared not for who or what they fed from: so long as they appeased their hunger. all it wanted in return was a good, pure soul, and that’s what the demon stole from him before it mended his twin brother’s heart, giving the boy a new lease of life that wasn’t intended for him from the start. pity that eunsu died before he got to the age of twenty, following a quick and hungry fever that overtook his frail body and too soon turned deadly. there was no surprise that, come judgement day, he was turned away at the gates of heaven, in exchange for becoming one of lucifer’s own.

as a result of being eternally cursed with immorality and a tainted soul, he's lived some hundred-odd years and is coping by making the current populace in jeonseoul suffer along with finding purpose in digging out the secrets of his past life, mayhaps trying to find the demon who cursed him.... which could definitely be a wc.. and strengthening his abilities as a demon.

his personality is a bit insufferable; eunsu keeps himself distant and cryptic, because he likes it that way. he's a real weirdo ( if u have ever watched hxh he’s hisoka.. THAT weird ) that's hard to forget: completely mischievous, dramatic, and malicious to boot. some days he's waxing poetic about the futility of having a sense of justice and the next he's using his demonic powers to make some innocent tourist think they're hallucinating as they attempt to walk into a steady flow of traffic.

ultimately life's a game to him and bih.. he’s here to have fun ! he's outlived his actual family and friends ( well, aside from his brother who he barely remembers, prolly be a wc if anyone’s interested ) and he's not looking to get attached to anyone. it would be great to Die because it’s his forever Mood but he also gets furious if anyone tries to actually expel him for real - so he'll simply prod at the world and its people until he gets the reactions he wants.

fair warning: it is a pain to genuinely care about eunsu and not many people will wanna do it. he comes and goes into people's lives as he pleases, stops reaching out once he's bored and only ever grazes the surface of a relationship based on its worth or his curiosities, innocent ppl, cute ppl, etc are just gonna be eaten up by him then dropped.

the people who will be closest to him are doubtlessly other demons ig ? but he also hates y’all too so.. don’t get too friendly like he’s not here to make friends he’s here to be Jeonseoul’s next top Demon. also since he died sumn like 200 years ago it’s possible some wizards / familiars knew of him and his coven, it’d be super interesting for someone to have known cute human eunsu in exchange for chaotic bastard demon eunsu

⇢ MISCELLANEOUS

since he’s a young demon, his horns are small and his wings barely span about two inches above his shoulder bones, he got itty bitty bat wings lbr he’s kinda pissed abt it. there’s tattoos over his scars from clashing with other demons / hunters / angels, but his devil’s mark lining the back of his neck, performed by first demon who took his soul, has never faded away.

he also works as an info broker, which ties in with the fact that he’s a contractual demon ! it's more of a hobby than a job, something he does for kicks and to restock his gambling money and alcohol money, but he offers a helping hand to solo clientele for private cases if need be, just remember to bring your negotiation skills because his manipulation skills are a1.

he's well-versed in witchcraft even if he can’t actually possess the abilities that actual witches can. while hardly the mentoring type, he could be convinced to equip people with his knowledge of latin, spells or dark magic they want if he's interested enough. then again he might decide to screw them over for kicks so ask him for favours with caution.

for someone who carries a ton of spite and secrets, he passes as an easygoing, casual literature major on the daily to disguise his true intentions. find him at the university pretending to be a student and failing miserably at it like edward’s thousand year old ass in twilight

he cheats at the casino with his demonic powers but does it infrequently enough to pass it as luck. play games with him at your own risk. casinos are one of his favourite places but he can really be found anywhere with ease but some other places he frequents are: beaches, libraries, museums, bars, etc !

he'll get on people's nerves, but getting him to care to the degree of hate is another story. living this long has numbed him; people don't surprise him anymore and he doesn't care to spend time thinking about others. the secret to getting him to turn deathly serious is as simple as telling him you can tell that he was once a good person - because the cheesy truth is he was. he just convinces himself that he's given up trying to remember his human life and finds it easier to live like he’s dead.. yknow which he is.

romance makes him queasy, he's a spiteful old bastard and the concept of sweet love rubs him 100% fictional. there's someone he fancied before he was cursed but i'll save you the story: that's a distant dream now.

he might quote romantic works or put some pretty words together but he's fake as Fuck. if he notices someone innocent and unsuspecting crushing on him they are in so much trouble. he'll kiss their hand then twirl them right off a cliff. corruption kink central right here laid ease

as of rn he’s trying to master how to teleport and shadow control but he really is like on level one and he’s got to get up to level 50 to achieve even a fifth of what these other demons can do

edit: i totally forgot to include eunsu’s ‘demonic’ title after he was banished to the perils of hell. it’s ironically just saint, and he goes around using that bc it’s blasphemous and a big ole middle finger to god himself. nobody will know his real name, but if there’s an off chance that they do, that’s a massive threat to eunsu and he’ll get his Snipers on Scene

tl;dr:

#oddintro #. I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE ── / OOC. ❞#so this is. a thing!

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bbaksu · 7 years ago

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RULES: tag some people you want to get to know better.

tagged by @cafewoozi tHANKS BONNIE!!! <3

tagging @qvyens @hoshi-ssi @powerfulhoshi @noonhan @jeongahn @loeynahcp do this if you wanna!! no need to if you don’t want to though!! <3

APPEARANCE:

(this feels like when ur first learning english and u have to describe ppl yknow) i have dark n long hair, have bangs and an undercut (i cut my hair like yesterday fjdfdig), have dark brown eyes, chubby cheeks, wear glasses (i really like my glasses and i think i look better with them... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ), i’m almost 160cm (not sure about my height exactly. i like being small), and my waist and my calves look nice in my opinion (???) fdjiogvjhfdo

PERSONALITY:

ok i don’t think of myself as a very interesting person? lol

i don’t know how to talk to people but really want to (sAVE ME), like i find it really difficult to ? use words??? communication is so hard, rlly introverted, rlly shy;

like i’m not talkative even with really close people? i just don’t talk much fhjudigdf much less if i’m feeling bad. most of the times i don’t tell anyone but i know it’s not good to bottle things up to yourself so i just talk to myself/write it down;

i overthink a lot of things;

and i’m kinda indecisive;

i get nervous really easily wtf??;

i’d like to think i’m an open minded person which is good.. i think being close minded is one of the worst things one could be. like reflecting about what u think, why u think like that, and listening to other points of view is really important;

i think i’m positive somehow? maybe not positive, i’m just not negative jfidogjdgfdjk i try to see things as optimisticly as i can and i try to encourage people whenever it’s possible (?) i just think there’s no point pointing out flaws on people/stuff for no reason yknow;

i’m a curious person, i have questions about pretty much everything, i’m not definetely sure about anything. (i guess this is one thing that makes me like biology so much. nature is really diverse and fascinating!!!!!!!!!!!!);

i’m not very hard working. i believe in spending the less energy possible lmao;

i daydream a lot i guess?;

ok overall quick traits bc i talked too much already: i’m a gemini (but i don’t relate with a lot of gemini characteristics??), aquarius rising, sagittarius moon, infp (which i think sounds right?), ravenclaw, n true neutral

ABILITIES:

i’m good at rhythm games;

i like to think i’m ok at dancing/i learn choreographies kinda quick??;

i used to be good in recognizing voices (like voice actors. but now it’s been 4783 years since i’ve last watched anything so idk if i can do that anymore fjdiogjd);

i’m getting better at photoshop lmao...;

ah and i like cooking! mostly sweet things;

also i always did well at school (not anymore tho jigodjdiofjd) is that an ability?

HOBBIES:

dancing, photoshop, drawing, and games basically gfdhfdk

RELATIONSHIPS:

i’ve never had a romantic relashionship, tho i want one... seems nice. and i haven’t had many real actual crushes either? i just find people attractive sometimes and that’s it. any1 wanna date me

about friendships, i love!!!! my friends!!!!!!!!!! so much!!!!! i have some really close friends i appreciate with all my heart and i wanna be with them for all my life. i love that i feel very comfortable around them and them around me ya know. and i think i consider ppl my friends really easily?? u talked to me ur my friend ok

RANDOM:

theorically i am in a dance cover group? we haven’t done anything yet though. but we will sometime. probably;

for pretty much my whole life i’ve wanted to be a scientist and never thought i’d be able to work with art... but this has changed through the past year and now i wanna be a photographer or a graphic designer or something like that;

i’m studying biology by the way. and i love it but i don’t know if i wanna work with research and stuff anymore lmao. also i don’t think i’m able to be a teacher but i’m aware i will most likely need to be at some point (rip in pieces);

i’m afraid of the future/adult life... i wish life would be easier gfdhfdjggfk or i wish i could be a dog or a jellyfish;

it’s not something i can easily understand but i’d like to learn more about history and art history... it’s so interesting and i feel learning it makes me a better person lmao. and i’d like to know more about flower language too...;

i like zodiac stuff and even have a nickname bc of it. but i don’t even know a lot about it fhjdigfjd.

#ok this is enough fhjdiofd #i wrote a lot hoyl shit #tagged #it feels weird describing myself gfdhfgj #and ive never talked so much about myself jesus #i dont even know if im making sense anymore lmao #this was fun!!!!!!!!#edit: i just redid the mbti test and turns out im infp

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hamartian-cathexis · 7 years ago

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tagged by @jdwicked

rules: answer these 20 questions and tag (20) amazing followers you’d like to get to know better!

name: i go by clod online!

nicknames: clod, nyx, oni

zodiac sign: meh i dont like my sign it never gives me accurate things. i also dont like giving out stuff related to my birthday cuz i never even really...try...to remember other people’s so id feel bad..............lmao

height: 5′2″ (and wtf @jdwicked since when were u 5′7″ish that’s??? WERE U ALWAYS THAT MUCH TALLER THAN ME??? why does that seem...very tall...)

orientation: i currently identify as too awkward for life, nevertheless figuring out who the hell id rather date or do The Sex with based on gender of all things

nationality: American

favourite fruit: ...idk...i love lots of fruit...i guess guavas rn? and grapefruit? and apples...and tomatoes are fruit i love tomatoes...and pineapples...and...yeah

favourite season: Winter

favourite book: what r books. does manga count. KIDDING but really idk i dont really have one? i guess the stranger by albert camus? im just Like That i guess lmao

favourite scent: lemon. or if ur talking about like candles and shit i guess the lighter stuff? like fresh linen and gardenia and rainwater--that kind of thing. i hate overly sweet bakery scents when it’s artificial :///

favourite colour: grey. with an e. very important.

favourite animal: turtles...? whales...? jellyfish...? elephants...? cats...? as u can see i am a very indecisive person.

coffee | tea | hot cocoa: i like all of them but i guess tea? i like drinking tea and i like making tea too, the process is calming. it’s nice to watch the color of the water change...and it’s like impossible for tea to be an ugly color...

average hours of sleep: l m a o

cat or dog person: cats

favourite fictional characters: l m a o

number of blankets you sleep with: err. i guess two? if you count the sheet as a blanket?

dream trip: i’d say japan because im a fkin weeb like that but tbh id be terrified unless i knew the language. so i guess...japan...after i learn the language...if that ever happens...otherwise anywhere really with friends. maybe somewhere that involves the beach, but like, when it’s kinda cold ish because i dont like sun. or going to stay with a friend somewhere on the east coast for awhile...? IDK MAN. I DONT THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT, IF U DONT HAVE IDEAS JUST GIVE ME ICE CREAM, I’M NOT DIFFICULT TO PLEASE

blog created: uh i joined tumblr sometime around feb 2016?

number of followers: 90

random fact: im missing an incisor on the bottom row of teeth. there’s not like. a gap or anything. i just...don’t have that tooth.

TWENTY???? who the funk has 20 ppl to tag???? ...........yknow wat if u wanna do this u should just do it! and u can tag me ^^ i love being tagged in shit even though someone tagged me in smth else like a couple months ago and i haven’t responded because i’m saving it... sorry @tineni i actually do plan on doing the last sentence tag thingy, but meanwhile, if u wanna do this u can!

#tag meme #mine #adventures in clod being a clod

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cheswirls · 7 years ago

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i have so many thoughts and its about 430 am so lets get started before they get scrambled.

i decided to read red potter and the middleground, but because i finished one so early in the morning, i had to hold off on the other for a bit, until this -past, i guess- evening. i had read for sure a chapter of the middleground previously, maybe two, but i’ve read too much now that the recollection isn’t coming to me like it came in small bursts through reading through chapter one again. i think it was another instance when i got extremely busy and had to put it down, maybe tac2 took over, dunno, but i got back to it now bc im still on the post-playthrough-of-white high and anything deep in unova is good and lu is fantastic so i knew this would be fantastic and is was right.

it’s a very dark read? unexpected, then again, its centered around a war, so also i shouldve expected it. the realization hit me around the third chapter, i think, when the nimbasa incident happened. very dark and very good. and emotional, i dunno how many times ive cried tonight but its been a night/twilight. the whole story basis with the center legend of unova and all the olden history is really good, its all really boosting my unova high like this is exactly what ive been needing to find, and all the characters it brings in despite the animeverse of it all -benga, n, touko!!- and the roles they play just really made it better, its kind of shallow but i like it even moreso because of the additions and though the story kept me highly entertained and drawn in there were a couple moments when i wished like oh man i hope the story has n in it bc n man jus n i need n content and then bam mentioned and now hes officially in it sort of i mean yeah he is. in the story. and this was early on like during the first few chapters so i had to hold out but it was worth it like, the story is interesting with the anime characters and i knew it was gonna be aniverse going into it and it was good and fine and still is good and fine.

i dont remember when i started wishing for touko but man oh man it happened and i was like damn this could happen i wish she was kinda here bc i think i had begun to pick up on something and then later i really picked up on it which i will get to later and them bam another happy revelation and i am still like. touko. shes here. shes a part of the story. this is awesome.

anyway before this gets too long to massively too long, this is basically going to be a big analysis and happy-rant post, so if you have not read the middleground by the amazing @pkmncoordinators, you should do so here but then like leave this post until you do and then come back, that would be good. the rest is under a cut to save peoples dashes, sorry this is mega long already aha.

i played ghetsis’ battle theme through a chapter and it mustve been a shorter one bc it lasted me -30min- near the entire chapter. maybe the one beginning w the drayden and alder talk? or the dragonspiral tower one? or maybe theyre the same, its been a long night of binging this entire work. anyway. it set the mood for whatever chapter like i intentionally was like oh this theme is a little foreboding lets play it. and i had it down so low sometimes i could only hear the percussions to it, but it was still there, setting the tone.

otherwise, i found myself only keeping to n music. maybe there were a couple plays of unova e4, way in the very beginning of the first/second chapters, maybe, but for the most part, i kept with n’s songs. the bridge, some, the castle and battle theme, a lot. some renditions of such in b2w2 style. i tried to play through the music of n’s room in the castle, but i had to stop after a little into it, maybe ten minutes, because it was getting all these feelings out of me and i felt like if i played it all i would ‘tire it out’, so to speak, even though that hasnt happened w any of the tracks thus far, but i really want that to be a special one i have on to draw inspiration from. later into the night/morning, whenever, i did decide to try out a remix of it via the b2w2 track of the same theme. the tune is in a slightly different pitch, but more than that, it gets distorted, almost corrupted, throughout and differentiates itself that way from the original, so i did end up playing through that no problem. i cant recall now if i ever played a theme back to back, i think i switched after the 30min was over, which, understandable, it’d been looping for half an hour. but i think i did play it again maybe once, which is fine. good.

but enough with music meta. its interesting, maybe thats where the draws of ‘where’s n?’ came from, but its not the focus.

oooh boy lets talk about various things that i will address here bc its 5am now and i need to not lose track. the n thing. um. the touko revelations. remember liberty, because the truth will set you free. the hero of truth. the opening chapter remarks. the possible sourgrapes. the viewpoints thing. there is probably more i will get to later in a different post but these are the current things for the morning.

first i wanna talk abt touko, hilda, whatever. small note so i dont appear brash, to ppl who dont really follow my content, i just dont really like the names hilda and hilbert. hilda is slowly growing on me, but missy always called the protag touko, and it really grew on me, and i live the name now, so thats what i always defer to her as. jus a preference thing.

so, i had no idea and i had every idea. oh my god. lu, you are so good at the foreshadowing stuff, serious. a master at it. i didnt pick up on the nimbasa trainer mention, or maybe i did but its been long ago now and i dont remember it. if she appeared before then i already dont remember the callback to it, oops. anyway. it was after that, for sure, if not before, that i did pick up on the brunette trainer and thought ‘damn if that was touko tho thatd be so rad’. really thinking it was in the electronic store in striaton, but that seems so far away from nimbasa like there mustve been something in between but i dont think so? so that. and then in the next, black city? abt the brunette trainer watching the tv, and i think i had the same thought except it was during ghetsis’ speech so between both moments brunette trainer was mentioned. i think i picked up on the repeated mentions of brunette trainer when she and iris locked eyes to see her also packing to leave the center. it was a thought more along the lines of ‘brunette trainers seem to be standing out to me more or are i guess being detailed more than other trainers’ than out of suspicion. i was picking up the repeated characteristic, but more of the notion that it was being named over and over, instead of anything real behind it. like, okay, there are a lot of brown haired trainers around, that works.

it was maybe in icirrus if that was the next thing, i tried to look and think i confirmed that was the next thing based on the recall conversation, so yes. in icirrus, my memory is really failing me sorry!!, somewhere, the first mention or maybe if that first mention was the brunette trainer across the hall in another room, my mind clicked. and it was like, oh, this brunette trainer might actually be all the same person. and i started to think again, wow, what if that person was touko bc i was really passionate abt it and i couldnt come up with who else bc i didnt have the focus i was still actively reading the store yknow? if was nothing about the being followed, i had to wait for the others to catch on and tell the reader before i got that aha. but i did! get! the touko part. it was when iris woke up from the comatose and all those scenes started playing out, maybe she mentioned not disturbing the others or cilan when they were talking, or georgia when she ran off, or something abt the trainer in another room, or a revelation dawned i guess somewhere in those scenes. and i was like oh my god that has to be touko god wow. im really losing my original train of thought i apologize. still recovering from sickness, and the whole long night thing. so something along that thought, but then it sorta got forgotten bc shit got real w virgil and the truth seekers being there, and i didnt recall again until she approached cilan during the counter sheidl -niiiiice throwback, by the way- training, and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!! that HAS to be touko and then she led him away and the whole scene played out and i remember scanning the page briefly, jus flicking my eyes over to see if i saw the namedrop and didnt, so i got entranced in the scene and then benga was like ‘hilda get the other three’ and TOUKO!!!!! WAS THERE OMG!!!! like confirmed, in the flesh, it was great its great what a great thing to add wow. and then the recall conversation happened and i began to pick up and was like wow they were being followed and didnt even remember the brunette trainer mentioned in nimbasa, barely remembered someone with a samurott led the charge to put out the fires, so that was a surprise. of course, that was such an intense scene, and i remember having a small breakdown around then bc burgundy said something about how she couldve been in one of those rooms and that chilled her and it sent me wild bc it was scary to think about, it really was chilling, this story really is dark che wow.

so i was proud of myself for picking up on that, the touko thing, but i probably wouldve been in the dark completely had i read it and not recently played through white and mind being constantly on that region and those characters right now.

that was super long. um. next thing is liberty bc i can remember it. the line is, im pretty sure, just remember liberty, because the truth will/can set you free. and its really only because im so into unova right now, but back at the first chapter today, my mind immediately picked up ‘oh liberty island’. except its not island, its liberty garden-island, thing, but still. the liberty just connected, and i had it, and so like when iris busted out like hey we’re not flying to nimbasa we’re going to liberty garden i was like yh guys cmon take a hint. but i really think it was probably creative and thought-provoking to others, a bit of a twister, to liek other readers like this isnt a callout on an easy riddle, jus a notion i picked up on easily. actually i remember the castelia thing confusing me, but there was also some disconnect because the liberty line want being used, it was just being mentioned that everyone seeking the seekers was heading to castelia, like the two were never paired i dont recall of. and it happened every time. i was like okay yes theyre at libery garden, then castelia was mentioned and i was like okay theyre at castelia. they never really crossed so they never crossed in my mind. it wasnt until the group landed in castelia i think that my mind connected, ah yes, liberty garden is off the coast of the city. i do wonder how plasma figured it out though. i think earlier speculation was on the touko-n relationship compromising the location, though im not sure how that would work in the first place, so it seems more likely someone jus picked up on the insinuation like i did, jus made the connection, tho i dunno who.

really quick hero of truth revelation thing. it took me a couple reads to grasp, like iris realized something cilan didnt but he went away and it took me, i had to read it over a few times because she realized something so therefore the readers have to realize as well, and then i made the connection that cilan was related to the hero of truth therefore making him the hero of truth. that couldve been phrased better unless cress and chili are somehow included which i think not, too many motifs, but the point comes across. i might not have made the connection had i not read earlier in the day about iris slipping cilan reshiram’s pokeball, something i stumbled upon before i started reading the entire thing oops so maybe that was a giveaway that helped me work through it, maybe i just connected based on the ancestor stuff, dunno.

i still havent figured out whos writing the chapter intros and its getting to me!! i dunno if we’re supposed to know yet, at first i felt like cilan, and then a vague collection of others, maybe trip with the camera capture in black city, and then maybe touko at the end tho i feel like something was mentioned that was confidential and that she wouldn’t have known about. then again i suppose sharing stories and then recounting could come into play, in which case benga could also be writing them.. i dont’ feel like its someone currently irrelevant, tho. like, i don’t think it’s luke, or bianca, or someone kinda disconnected like that. its probably a spoiler for you to say whom, which okay, fair, but i hope someone signs off on the intros in the last chapter, or that theres something to pick up on to discover it ourselves, or maybe its not important, but i really gotta know eventually.

someone mentioned days ago about something like not being into wishfulshipping and then something about sourgrapes was mentioned, i really dont remember that well, but i started to pick up on it throughout, especially with all the camping scenes, and remembering you liked sourgrapes so much, and is it possible to confirm that thats a ship in this fic? or, has a possibility? i think i’m picking up on it, but it could be friendship, im not sure.

these next two are the last two for now i think. first, viewpoints, because this story delves into such a cast of characters and i think the same story told from the viewpoint of others would be so interesting, like told through the eyes of benga or touko, or even elesa possibly, and if you ever like wanna divulge in that or after you get done wouldnt mind someone taking a shot at it and working with for accuracy reasons, that would be pretty cool. and you have your first volunteer.

second and last is the n thing. i think a little is just meta, which i want to make a full post on later in time, so this may or may not tie in not sure. just, real brief, isn’t n such an interesting character? i really just, i dunno if i like him like i like others, but i really find his dynamic interesting. keeping it short, bc meta, the boy really grew up differently than a “normal” human. the proper socialization was there, sort of, because he can walk and speak and was educated like hes a math geniusa nd stuff, but he wasn’t socially educated. a lot of people dont realize the two are different, i didnt until i took an intro to sociology course this past fall semester. anyway tho. he really wasnt socially educated, and you can see that through all representations -cant speak for spe actually i havent read the arc yet- even in the anime, though far less likely than i would have liked, having rewatched the n arc a few days ago. the disconnect from people is there. n had tutors, but other than that he was in a room with his only company being pokemon formerly abused by people. that was it. not even normal pokemon, but those he had to gain the trust of first because they were misled by trainers. he doesn’t really know how to act with people. he talks fast, hes very blunt, he doesnt know the meaning of personal boundaries, et cetera. he was, practically, raised in a cult. led to believe only the cult’s beliefs. and its only through getting out of his room and around unova, at least in the game, that he begins to develop his own thouhgts and ideas and morals, that he begins to doubt what hes been preached his whole life. this is getting a bit like so im gonna cut, but i just, n is such an interesting character. the tie in. already, in the tv announcement, his voice is ethereal and i could picture it, could play the sound in my mind based off the anipoke and the gens voices, because both of those are genuinely how n sounds to me, i can see it perfectly it just works like there is no other voice for him. i could picture that when he spoke. and already, with the dreamy, far-off gaze, and it hardening, i can see his characterization is going to be so great in the middleground, and im so excited. i recently finished a fic where his characterization to me was absolutely perfect, and even as it evolved, that standard didnt diminish, because the evolution was so seamless and good that the changes to him felt right, felt realistic.

im realizing now this sounds like a do-good-or-there-will-be-consequences thing, which is not my intention. im just, i really wanted a story with n, one i knew would be good, and the middleground is it at the moment. and i know youll do a good job because i liked tac so much, which featured n, and already its the little things with middleground!n that are already so good, and this was really just me saying thank you and i cant wait, and so thank you and i cant wait for more. i cant wait to see more of n, no matter how small a role, or how big iunno, he plays, its already so good for such a complex character with such a grey background. morally grey, ethically grey, realistically grey, just grey.

all in all, the middleground is amazing so far, i love it so so much, and once again, i cant wait for more. thank you for such an amazing piece thus far, lu. its past 6am now so its taken me a bit to get through this post, i hope the majority makes sense. and i cant wait to see what comes next with the story.

#the middleground #another long post about another long work wow who wouldve guessed

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