#sometimes I have to scold myself like NO! bad! bad!
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pegging-satan · 14 days ago
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No but you don’t understand I really do need him in ways concerning to feminism like. I want u to make me ur bitch sir 😔 ur most beloved but also your lil toy. Just ur favourite one 😔 and— i shan’t say… i shan’t say…🥴 but u get me right.
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goobygnarp · 10 months ago
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#good grief im gettin a lil tired of seeing 'DONT DO THIS' kinda art videos#i very much understand its a youtube thing and that clickbait names and thumbs get the views and attention needed#but it doesnt mean it doesnt annoy me or that I cant be annoyed by it#sometimes i just see it in tutorial pictures too#but the large DONTS with red Xs near the supposed ''wrong'' way of drawing is so demotivating#people start and draw in many ways than one#its what makes art their own#but when videos or tutorial posts are made and show the ''WRONG'' way to go about it#its like scolding the new artist or long time artist with that style that they're doing it wrong and that its bad#no matter the intention its not the way to go about helping artists learn to draw#and in my personal opinion#the click bait ''DONT DO THIS WHEN DRAWING'' thing is what keeps me from actually watching the vids#i get theyre probably helpful but i don't like that I have to feel some NEED or DESIRE to click on a vid cause I feel like I did a thing#wrong or that i never should have done it at all#i wish i could see more 'here are some tips that helped me#kinda vids cause yes i would love to learn what helped you rather than being or feeling wronged for drawing in a way that isn't theirs#im rambling but i have been seeing a lot of 'DONT DO THIS' NEVER DO THIS' 'IF YOURE DOING THIS STOP NOW' kinda art vids#im speakin for myself here#but im an artist sifting through art youtube or spaces always willing to learn new ways of improving my art#i dont need to feel click baited like the next 3am don't this kid to learn how to improve my inking skills#if it was more a 'this is my personal preference and I wanna share it with my audience and maybe teach some things' kinda vid#id watch that too#but im just so tired of seeing art youtube going down this need to tell folks 'YOURE DOING IT ALL WRONG. THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY"
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Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured
#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive#I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task#or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice)#so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time#0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat#I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it#I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this”#it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them#so it has to be me… you know?#I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me#because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it#but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation#I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died#because death is natural; suffering isn’t#unless the person is a child or otherwise very young#but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life#is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go#I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready#When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?
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salsflore · 1 year ago
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#cw negative#its not that bad i just need 2 rant for a bit#because like why does my mother say such ridiculous shit sometimes#i went to go wash my dish and she said ah youre finally doing the dishes .. LIKE i try to but what do i do when my brother insists on doing#it everytime ! and takes it from my hands and blocks the sink and he’ll make a big fuss if i don’t let him do it !#like literally scold me and tell me to put it down or else he’ll get irritated#i lightheartedly told her that and then she was like well yeah you're still a woman then went on about how its the womans job to [ . . . ]#its really the small things like that i think. she has such outdated beliefs. i hear her saying things like its the womans job to take care#of the house and her man and etc and i'm like ok i Know i literally won't win if i try to do so much as nudge her#but then she also talks about other things that just irk the shit out of me !!! the rapture abortion etc#the one time she told me to my face if she couldve aborted me she would have. making comments on my body and just#i don't hate her. overall we have a good relationship. but its just these small things and her gross outdated beliefs and how gullible she#can be and stuff like that. she tells me i have such an easy life but i can't bear to tell her i was ever suicidal or ever self harmed#because i KNOW she'd tell me i'd go to hell if i ever tried to kill myself#i know this wholeee thing might be really intense and sad and stuff but i'm totally okay /gen i'm just! awfully irritated#thinking back on all those dumbass things she's said and done like. agh;;#its not her fault i think ive noticed a lot of filipina women (or at least the ones around me) tend to hold those beliefs so she was prolly#taught these as a child but . come on!! im so tired of the misogynistic shit she says and . ugh#cw self harm mention#cw suicide mention
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qaanngi · 8 months ago
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Scrolled to 2020 to try and update the file for Theo's birthday pic (HBD to him 💙) and that really was such a wonderful period for me in terms of drawing 🥲
#just wanted to update my signature but mobile app and browser don't work 🫠🫠🫠#le whiny text post#also the few asks I got back then were just stellar 🥲#it sucks that I don't feel the same joy and contentment when I draw anymore#idl PSA if anyone reads this far down my tags: never tell anyone they should draw: (1) just for fun. (2) for the success in their heart#(3) assume that they do not actually draw for themselves and proceed to tell them to not draw what fandoms want despite. like look at their#fucking body of work before you say something that presumptive and dismissive 🙄#(4) don't assume they are just* clout chasing. I lost my job in the middle of COVID and still had a whole year's worth of tuition to pay#in the middle of lockdown. so no money for anything including necessities. foolishly thought I might be good enough for comms#very very VERY foolishly put out a rhetorical Q on how to build a following. again my bad for assuming I'm good enough#and then was told indirectly that 'people conflate numbers with worth' and like yeah ok#but also I lost my job Jan 🫠#sometimes hyper positive 'encouragement' comes off so dismissive#and now (3 years later) I still can't even say what I draw is 'art.' I feel ashamed of sharing anything. I think everyone hates everything#draw (tho that is kind of a true fact with the gnshn fandom if we're talking art styles). I can't even call myself an 'aspiring artist'#I feel guilt and shame for wanting to have ever been one despite wanting to be one since I was a child and wanting to like open comms or#design prints and stickers and shit.#what they thought was 'encouraging' comes off dismissive. like getting scolded by your betters that you shouldn't aspire to have and do#the things that they have and do. and girl when I tell you it took a lifetime to get some of them to even acknowledge me 🫠#like hoping they thought of me as a peer but it sounds like I'm beneath them#and they are bigger fandom artists. all of them had either comms or something open and literally that's all I ever wanted. the other stuff#is clearly beyond me but idk. just sucks to hear bigger artists tell you to just be content to be the little nothing that you are and to no#aspire to achieve the things you want.#and I shouldn't let it get to but 3 years later and we have given up.#even lowering goals to just such small things and those can't even be achieved 👍#anyways HBD Theo. You gave up on the dream of being an artist. Me too 🤝💙🙃
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liviawildrose · 1 month ago
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𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫
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it’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes, you’ve got to step into a role you never signed up for. maybe your mom wasn’t the nurturing, protective figure she was supposed to be. maybe your dad let you down in ways that left scars. maybe your friends only stuck around to take, never to give. the truth? you can’t wait for someone to come and save you. you have to become your own mother.
ask yourself:
if your child was in your shoes—stuck in a bad relationship, getting treated like crap— would you tell them, “stay”? or would you say, “you deserve better than this”?
if your child was chasing their dreams but struggling, would you mock them? no. you’d guide them, push them to be their best. you’d discipline them with love and cheer them on with pride. now, apply that same energy to yourself.
be that mom who says: “get your shit together because you deserve the best life possible.”
but also the mom who says: “it’s okay to rest, i’ve got your back, and i’m proud of you.”
start showing up for yourself the way you needed someone to show up for you. and yes, it’s sad. sad that we even have to do this. but it’s also empowering to realize you can.
personally, here’s my story.
my mom never cared to take my pictures as a kid nor cared if a haircut made me happy or not, it was literally everything up to her convenience. it hurts now because i would’ve loved to look back and see those memories. but i don’t have them. i can count the photos of my childhood—20 pictures in 17 years. insane, right? so, i made a promise to myself: from now on, i will document my life. i won’t delete my photos. i’ll make sure there’s a record of who i was, what i felt, what i achieved. and when i have kids? you bet i’ll take pictures of them. i’ll curate their childhood with care because i know what it feels like to not have that.
but being your own mother isn’t just about the pictures or the memories. it’s about analyzing everything you missed out on and providing it for yourself now. it’s about being selfless enough to let go of bad habits that hold you back. it’s about kicking toxic people out of your life the way a mom would protect her child from bad influences. it’s about prioritizing your healing, even if it’s messy and uncomfortable. you have to heal your inner child. that 5-year-old who was bullied, that 13-year-old who was treated like shit in her first relationship, that 7-year-old who dreamed big but was told she couldn’t they’re all still inside you, waiting for someone to nurture them. and unfortunately, no one else is going to do it for you. no one else is going to come and fix the damage.
i made a pact with myself: when i have kids, i will raise them so well that they won’t ever need to “heal their inner child” at 17 or 18. they’ll be whole. they’ll be loved. they’ll know their worth from the start. but for now, i’m doing that for myself. and you need to do it for yourself too. because at the end of the day, the only way to heal is to become the person you needed all along. become your own mother.
what is the inner child?
the “inner child” is the part of you that holds your early experiences, memories, and emotions. it’s the 5-year-old you who loved to laugh but was scolded for being “too much.” it’s the 10-year-old you who dreamed big but felt dismissed. it’s the teen you who felt heartbreak for the first time but didn’t know how to process it. your inner child carries the wounds, fears, and unmet needs from your past, but also your natural creativity, curiosity, and joy. healing your inner child means reconnecting with this version of yourself, giving it the love and understanding it never received, and releasing the pain it has carried for years.
how do you heal your inner child?
1. journaling: dialogue with your inner child
dedicate a journal specifically to your inner child. write letters to them, like:
“dear [your name at 5/7/13], i remember when you felt [insert memory]. i’m sorry you went through that, but i’m here now, and i’ve got you.”
let your inner child respond. write as if you’re that younger version of yourself—pour out your fears, dreams, and questions. this process can uncover emotions and patterns you didn’t realize were affecting you.
2. therapy: safe exploration with a professional
a therapist (especially one trained in inner child work) can help you identify wounds and patterns from childhood. they’ll guide you in understanding how your upbringing shaped your beliefs about yourself and the world. therapy also gives you tools to reframe those beliefs and meet your emotional needs.
watch “dear zindagi” lol
3. look at old photos and memories
revisit old photos, journals, or artwork from your childhood. don’t just look at them—analyze them. (i wish i could d this but im stuck with 20 photos so… 😭) what do you notice in your younger self’s eyes, body language, or expression?
• ask yourself:
• what was i feeling here?
• did i feel safe? loved? excited? scared?
• what did i need in this moment that i didn’t get?
• use this reflection to understand your inner child’s unmet needs.
4. create new positive memories
your inner child is still alive within you, and they crave fun, love, and freedom. do things your younger self would’ve loved but never got to do: buy yourself a toy you always wanted. go to an amusement park or build a pillow fort. dance around your room like no one’s watching. this isn’t childish it’s healing.
5. practice reparenting
treat yourself as if you were your own child. when you feel sad or scared, don’t ignore it.
ask yourself: what do i need right now? and give it to yourself.
be the loving, supportive, and protective parent your inner child deserved.
6. identify triggers and patterns
notice when you’re acting out of a place of childhood wounds.
for example: do you get overly anxious when someone’s mad at you? do you seek validation in toxic relationships? trace these behaviors back to your childhood.
were you taught that love is conditional? did you have to “earn” attention by being perfect? once you identify the root, you can start rewiring your responses.
7. inner child meditations and visualizations
find a quiet space and imagine your inner child sitting across from you. visualize yourself comforting them, hugging them, and telling them they’re safe. remind them: “you don’t have to be scared anymore. i’m here for you.”
8. nurture yourself daily
make self-care non-negotiable. eat foods you love, sleep well, move your body, and spend time doing things that make you happy. when you treat yourself with care, you show your inner child they’re worth it.
9. forgive
healing isn’t about excusing those who hurt you. it’s about releasing the hold they have over you so you can move forward. write a forgiveness letter—not for them, but for yourself. (they don’t deserve the love i’m sorry)
“i release the pain you caused me so it doesn’t control me anymore.”
10. promise to break the cycle
vow to yourself (and your future children if you want them) just cause your grandma bleed on your mom and then your mom passed it to you does not mean you will make your future kids life miserable too. the generational trauma must break with you. your future child does not deserve it and so your inner child protect you inner child and when you have a child of your own be the best mother possible, i personally would love to make my future kids childhood so memorable and happy that they will feel the need to comeback and relive their childhood that’s the kind of childhood i want to give them
“i will not let this pain define me. i will create a life of love, joy, and freedom.”
healing your inner child isn’t easy, but it’s life-changing.when you reconnect with that innocent, wounded part of yourself, you’ll find that the love and peace you’ve been searching for has always been within you.
11. foster your inner child’s dreams
when you were a child, your dreams weren’t influenced by fear, rejection, or societal pressures. you dreamed with your heart wide open, purely and authentically. reconnecting with those dreams can heal the part of you that felt unheard or invalidated back then.
a. reflect on your childhood aspirations
• sit down and ask yourself:
• what did i want to be when i was 5? 10? 13?
• what made me happiest back then?
• what did i lose interest in because someone told me i wasn’t good enough?
• write down every dream, no matter how “unrealistic” it seems.
hint: those childhood dreams often point to your soul’s calling.
b. start chasing those dreams now
• even if your dreams have evolved, find ways to honor the essence of them.
• wanted to be a singer at 13? start singing lessons or recording yourself.
• wanted to help people? explore careers like psychology, teaching, or coaching.
• don’t hold back.
it’s not about being perfect, it’s about reconnecting with the passion your younger self had.
c. create small wins for your inner child
• maybe 8-year-old you always wanted to paint but never got the supplies. buy yourself a beginner’s set and paint, even if it’s messy.
• maybe 6-year-old you wanted to be a dancer. take a fun dance class and twirl like no one’s watching.
• small wins send the message to your inner child that they are finally being prioritized.
e. validate your inner child’s feelings and failures
• remind yourself:
“it’s okay that 10-year-old me struggled with making friends. i was just a child trying my best.”
• instead of shaming yourself for past actions, honor them.
every mistake was a step toward becoming the incredible person you are now.
f. use your dreams to shape your future
• your childhood passions aren’t just hobbies—they’re roadmaps to your authentic self.
• align your current goals with your inner child’s desires.
• if 7-year-old you dreamed of making people smile, maybe your career or side hustle should reflect that.
• if 12-year-old you loved storytelling, find ways to write, act, or share your voice.
fostering your inner child’s dreams doesn’t just heal the past—it builds a future that feels authentic to you. every time you take a step toward those dreams, you’re telling your inner child: “you were always worthy. your dreams always mattered. and now, i’m making them come true for you.”
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amazinglyashy · 2 months ago
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Hello, can you do LADS men's reaction to MC/reader working too hard, to the point that she looks tired and drained? She also easily gets sick because of stress. And yes, it's based on me; right now, I'm so tired because of work, and I have dance practice almost every day for our departmental performance while I'm sick with the flu. Thank you 💜
Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to do this one justice as best as I could, because oh man did I feel this personally! Not the same at all, but I get heavy duty chronic pain, and I overwork myself often by choice or not, all the time. Feel better anon <3 I hope you enjoy, and make sure to get some Pedialyte or sports drinks, and rest whenever you can. Your health is extremely important!
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Love and Deepspace Li's reactions to you being overworked and sick
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Zayne -
He's a doctor, you can't even get into the realm of hoping to hide it from him for long, and you'll want to hide it from him if you're actually wanting to be doing whatever it is that's causing you to be overworked to the point of illness.
He will take a single look at you the first time he sees you once you've reached this point- routine examination, stopping by work to see you or vice versa, running something by your place he borrowed, even just you making the mistake of taking an offered ride home from him due to how tired you are. It was a lapse in judgement on your part in trying to keep this from him, but your beyond exhausted brain didn't process it at the time.
But you sure are processing it now that you've been 'kidnapped' and taken back to his place.
He has already filled out a formal doctors note- benefits of being your primary physician- and sent it over to your bosses and managers. There's no arguing.
"Zayne, I'm-" "If you are about to try a weak attempt at convincing me you are alright, I will accept it as you insulting my intelligence as a doctor."
You're in his bed, under his blankets, probably in his pajamas since he wouldn't let you escape home, and drinking the warm drink he made for you to have after taking medicine he had given you to help with your illness. He'll order food that will be good for you to eat as well, and if it's too late for takeout, he'll definitely be cooking for you as well.
Once you're done eating, he'll make sure you're properly cared for by massaging any tired or pained muscles. If that's your entire body, then so be it. Close your eyes, tilt hour head back, and relax even though it hurts in a good way sometimes, because he's not letting up.
Not until you feel better. No matter how long that takes.
Rafayel -
Genuinely, he's offended and hurt that you've overworked yourself this hard and haven't told him. And boy, is he going to let you know it.
He's carrying you gently from wherever he had found you looking so tired- no it does not matter if you were in the middle of working- while actively scolding you in his arms.
"Maybe I should just leave you there all day, come see you in the evening when you get a bad case of amnesia. Would you like that? Huh? No? Well, then stop being stupid."
He doesn't even want to dare set foot in your place right now. He's not in the mood to clean, and he knows if this is the state you're in, your apartment is probably so much worse due to just how busy and exhausted you've been.
He'll go clean it later, but right now he's just grumpy.
There is something about the fresh, oceanside air that helps your headache though- or maybe it's the light linen on his bed that he would have dropped you on had you not looked like the most frail thing he had seen all week.
He's muttering snarky remarks to you, but they're devoid of any bite due to his actions as he speaks them-
Getting you a fluffy robe to change into, putting something simple in the oven while you get comfortable, working special lotion into your muscles, making you lemon and honey tea, making it more humid so any sinus problems clear and help you breathe- he's being vocal through it all, but spoiling you as much as he can nonetheless.
"I don't care if you have a lot to do. Just- ask for help next time. And if I can't help with your work, at least let me help you relax once you're home. I don't mind you staying over either, so that I can make you feel better. Just promise me you'll do better next time, so I can help you before you get this bad."
Xavier -
He probably stopped by your apartment to return something he borrowed, and you made the mistake of answering the door directly after coming home. You were at your peak of tired, and your head had started pounding for some reason... and didn't you feel a bit hot...?
"Oh- You look- You don't look very good. Is everything alright?"
You can't even answer before he's reaching out a hand to hover in front of you, trying to decide between touching you and not, before deciding on the former. He can feel you're just the slightest bit unsteady from working so you're being scooped up in an instant and taken to the bed you had already been planning to go to.
"What have they been having you do...? Never mind. That's- not important right now."
Takes off your shoes and socks, murmurs something about giving you a massage in a bit, before tugging blankets and plushies around you. He'll leave to let you change into pajamas or something more comfortable, and he'll keep himself busy by making you something to eat or clean up your apartment for you.
He tries to cook you something, he really does try. But he definitely has more talent at talking on the phone to the restaurant he's ordering you takeout from. The pan he tried to use does not survive the attempt.
The takeout is good when it comes, though, and it helps that he gave you some medicine prior to help keep it down. Even if you're not currently nauseous, he's pretty worried about your state worsening quickly.
You won't notice until it's too late, but he's already finding out how to transfer some of your workload to himself. By 'some', it's definitely 'all'.
"No, I won't change my mind. Not until you're better. You're so tired, let me do this for you. You can make it up to me by getting me something in the claw machine later."
Sylus -
"I'm just going to go-"
"Go where, kitten?"
You had made the mistake of nearly falling over under the watchful gaze of Mephisto, who had decided it would be absolutely wonderful to relay the information about it and your current state back to Sylus as quickly as he could.
Which is how you had ended up stuck in the hallway the led to your apartment, practically pinned to the wall with Sylus's hands on either side of you.
That is also how you ended up slung over Sylus's shoulder as he unlocked your apartment door for you and went inside, carrying you like it was nothing.
To be fair, you couldn't do much to fight him off this time except utilize a few choice words. You were so beyond exhausted, and starting to feel pretty ill, to boot.
He's got you to bed as soon as the door is shut. You're allowed a hot shower if you promise him a few dozen times that you'll get straight to bed after. He makes sure to promise you that he'll come and make you get in bed if you go against that promise. For once, you don't want to call his bluff.
You're in bed soon enough, with a cool rag pressed on your forehead, some pain medication long since down your throat, and food already on the way courtesy of Luke and Kieran's special henchmen delivery service.
Lying in bed is like heaven on your sore muscles and aching joints, not to mention the pounding headache you've had since starting to feel sick and missing out on sleep. But what somehow feels even better is Sylus's hands on you.
They're just gentle touches, his fingertips ghosting over your skin to leave goosebumps at how nice it feels, and sometimes his whole hands moving slowly and lightly across your body. He'll massage your muscles later, but for now, he's just focused on getting you to sleep, even if just for a little bit until the food gets here.
He knows you need it.
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egomiso · 2 months ago
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hi 😀 can i get rin w/ a reader who gets overstimulated easily 🙊
hi pookie, ofc i gotchu LOL
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you thought staying over at Rin's place for a sleepover was going to be the usual, watching movies until you fall asleep. you never expected it to take such a turn... but sometimes a wrong turn is needed.
chara: rin itoshi x f!reader warning: nsfw content: overstimulation, unprotected s*x, praise, established relationship +20 charas, bimbo/naive mc, virginity loss
The night had a chill in the air, with the moon glowing in the dark sky. Funnily enough, it felt almost cozy, as your feet stepped upon dry leaves, causing a crunching sound.
You climbed up the driveway, your grip on a pink bear plushie tightening as the weight of your bag dragged you down. Perhaps you packed a little too heavy tonight, but anytime you packed for any overnight trip, you always forget at least one thing. Better safe than sorry, right? Knowing you... you probably still left something at home.
Just as you were about to ring the doorbell, your feet caught the crevice of the path. Tripping over it, the momentum sent you forward, making you topple over.
As if Rin Itoshi could sense the danger, he opened the door, wide eyed in concern.
You were sprawled on your knees to the ground, blinking in confusion for a moment. The prickling of pain on your knees stung, despite you having worn pants. Rin sprung into action instantly, rushing to your side and picking you up, bridal style.
With him suddenly so close to you, you had grown flustered, cheeks warming at the feeling of hands curled on your torso and legs. His beautiful, attractive face was so close. Dark bangs swayed across his forehead majestically, right above the teal of his eyes, to the long lashes that radiated from them. All of it... all of him was pretty.
"You can be such a fool, [Name]."
"Y-You don't have to carry me. I can walk."
His grasp on you only tightened as he shook his head silently, bringing you inside of his abode. The interior was the same as the last time you came by, very neat and modern. He went down the narrow hallway and into the living room to set you down on the couch. Despite your protests, he ignored you as he took care of you, placing your bag to the side and taking your shoes off to set them near the door.
When he returned, he had a first aid kit in his hand. It seemed he washed them as well from the way the sleeves of his sweater were rolled up.
"You don't have to do all this," you tried again. "I can take care of myself."
"Oh really." His eyes shot up to you, narrowing sternly. You froze, grinning sheepishly. "The moment I opened the door expecting to see my girlfriend, I instead see her toppling over like some sad puppet."
"I'm sorry..."
He sighed, scratching at his head. "Don't be sorry. You just make me worry. So the least you can do is let me treat you."
"Y-Yes sir!" You saluted him and he finally cracked a smile, turning away to try and hide it.
"Dummy."
Rin rolled the lengths of your pants up to expose the skins of your legs. There were minor cuts and bruises lined up along your knees, but overall, it wasn't the worst thing ever. But for fear of getting scolded by Rin again, you kept your mouth shut as he did his work. With an alcohol wipe, he cleaned at it expertly. The pain stung bad at the contact of it, your eyes tearing up and your mouth trembling. Quite the low pain tolerance you had.
It didn't go unnoticed. Your boyfriend swiped at your tears smoothly. "It's okay... It's almost done. You're doing good."
You nodded, clenching at your bear.
Then he went on to bandaging you up. His fingers moved expertly to apply the ointment gently, careful to cause you no further pain. Rather than pain, the touch of it sent tingles along that area, spreading slowly down your limbs. You liked his touch, the warmth of it, as if Rin Itoshi was the armor of your protection.
Eventually, he bandaged you up, the skin contact less frequent, leaving you... disappointed? You furrowed your brows at your thoughts.
"What's wrong?" Rin Itoshi saw your expression.
"I..." You couldn't seem to voice it, embarassment sinking into your system. "Nevermind."
"No, say it," he said bluntly, his inability to let anything go coming back tenfold.
"I don't know! I just... liked the feeling of your fingers. I like your touch, okay?" you blurted, unable to keep secret of anything when it came to Rin Itoshi.
He was quiet for a moment and you were afraid you had scared him off. But when you grew the courage to look at him again, his face was not what you imagined. Cheeks flushed in red, his arm was covering his face as his eyes narrowed to the ground. You had never seen him so flustered. The temptation to snap a photo of him in such a state was blooming, but you controlled yourself, knowing he would only kill you.
"You shouldn't have said that," he muttered. Finally, he moved towards you, his hand placed against your thigh.
"Oh!" His touch sent more tingles, the feeling of it even better than before.
You were pushed deeper into the couch as his face grew closer, the turquoise of his eyes darkening. "Can I kiss you?" he whispered, his gaze taking in the soft plumps of your lips. You were so innocent, so light, so soft, so pure -- how could he dare to ruin you? He had held back for so long, to be the boyfriend you needed and not act on such carnal desires, but when you said those words, something vile in him had flourished.
"O-Of course."
He kissed you with fervor, taking you by surprise. Other times you had kissed him, it was gentle and sweet. He had kissed you like you were a fragile doll, making sure to allow you time to breathe. This time... it was different.
His tongue slipped into your mouth, sliding along yours to taste you. Lips pressed against one another in rough fashion, the heat of his body stemming from him. You held the back his head, running through soft strands of hair, becoming one with the boy named Rin Itoshi. His hands rubbed at your thighs, the feeling of it causing you to quiver. To your surprise, you liked it. You liked it a lot.
He broke the kiss, staring at you for a moment, still kneeling between your legs.
"Is something the matter? Do you want to watch The Shining now? You've been looking forward to it all week."
Rin shook his head. "I want to try something new today."
"A new movie?"
"Not a movie. I... want to make love with you."
"Make love..." you trailed off, unable to process the phrase for a moment. Your jaw nearly dropped to the floor when you finally understood. "Y-You mean... like s-sex?"
"Yes," he said, growing red once more. He kissed your hand. "If you are not ready, we don't have to though. I will always wait for you."
You looked at your beautiful Rin, kneeling there in front of you, with genuine love despite the cold exterior he always donned with others. You knew your boyfriend would never intentionally hurt you and only uplift you instead. He had been nothing but the best, looking out for you no matter where you were. You trusted him a lot... and you loved him a lot.
So making love was something you were okay to try, if it was with him.
If you loved him this much already, you could only imagine how much deeper you'd fall tonight.
For Rin. Only if it was Rin Itoshi, your beautiful star that shined so bright.
"I can try," you told him, covering your face with the plushie. "I'm... embarrassed though. I don't know where to start."
The plushie was ripped away from your grip as he stood there, eyes glowing in love and adoration. A hand landed on the top of your head, ruffling the masses of your [h/c] hair. "You do not need to be embarrassed. We can go slow, okay?"
You nodded in agreement.
He started to undress you, peeling your sweats off to leave you in your panties. You followed his lead, also undressing him, eyes looking elsewhere as you grew unconscious.
"You're so fucking beautiful... [Name], look at me." His voice was stern, but laced with a warmth that you could only tell. So you did as told, taking him in from the strong, lean build he grew from soccer, to the muscles on his abdomen, and then finally to the large outline on his boxers. Oh god, it was looking at you! You couldn't seem to take your eyes off of it, feeling nervous but intrigued.
He pulled your arms from the self-conscious hug you gave yourself.
"Do not hide yourself from me. I want to see all of you."
You gulped and nodded. "Okay."
"Do you want to touch it? You keep looking at it."
You flinched, caught like a deer in headlights. "Oh, um..."
He pulled his boxers off, revealing his large penis that was clearly already hard. For some reason, looking at it made you feel tingly from down under. Rin guided your hand to it, so you grabbed onto it. It was warm and it was veiny under your fingers. Immediately, he reacted at the touch. Curious, you started rubbing at it, to receive faces of Rin you had never seen before. Wide eyed and tongue out from slightly panting, he gripped the side of your face in return.
From his harsh breaths to the soft moans he let out, it was incredibly fascinating. You... wanted to see more.
"Wait." He stopped you. "It's my turn."
He pushed you to the couch and the two of you tumbled against the cushion, his form towering above you. Legs tangled along one another, naked and all, and you had never felt so close to him. His body heat clouded your head, intoxicating you under a spell. Slowly, his finger crept into your panties, sliding through the folds of your pussy. The feeling of it was foreign, so you tensed up.
As he kept stroking at your vagina with his fingers, it started to feel good. The focus he reserved for the field was presenting itself here on his face, the furrow of his brow lowered in concentration. It was hot. And so, so, so good. "Mmph!" you released a shuddering moan. Horrified by the sound you made, you covered your mouth.
Rin Itoshi took your hand off in return, watching you patiently. "Let it all out. I want to hear you when you feel good."
As he sped up his fingers and plunged them deeper, your body began to shake, your nails clutching at his back. "Ahh... too much... too good. Rin. Rin!"
"You're doing great," he said, giving you a kiss on the forehead.
Your pussy was growing wet, dripping past the cloth of your underwear. The heat was overbearing, the throb of your vagina loud in your ears. So much was happening at once, your head reeling to catch up to process everything.
"Rin! I can't...!" you mewed, limbs shaking and trembling at the high from the feeling of his fingers stuck in your pussy. When he finally pulled them out, you stared at the white substance that coated his fingers. White substance that came from your body. "What is wrong with me?"
"Hey." His sharp voice interrupted your flurry of doubts. He grabbed your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye. "There is nothing wrong with your body. This is normal and a human body's miracle. You are my blessing, [Name], do you understand?"
You nodded. "Okay."
"Did you feel good?"
"Yes..."
"Then that is all that matters."
"Did... you feel good too?"
"Of course. Do you want to feel good together?"
"Yes. I want to feel good with you."
He blinked at you for a moment, surprised. He ruffled your hair, a soft smile adorning his beautiful lips. "I forget how fucking cute you are sometimes."
To see him shower you with this much love and affection, your heart could only swell even bigger for him. Your sweet, blunt Rin Itoshi. Your talented soccer player, who just needed love the most when the world betrayed him. He was yours as you were his. For him to feel good from your touch, this was the most vulnerable kind of love you could give. So sharing the loss of your virginity with him was undoubtedly the easiest choice you could make.
He held his member up and slowly brushed up against your vagina, making you quiver. "Let me know if it hurts. But follow my lead.”
He spread your legs out and gave you a quick kiss. His dick inserted into the chambers of your vagina, the walls of it closing around it. Your legs trembled, your mouth hanging lopsided. His penis was much larger than two of his fingers, the weight and girth of it enough to set you on fire. It felt so good, but painful... until it wasn't.
Was it because you were comfortable with Rin that it wasn't as painful as you expected?
"Rin! It doesn't hurt," you said, cheesing up at him.
He brushed a strand from your check. "Good. Because this is where the fun starts."
His cock started to ram into you, and it dug into your core. You could feel it, throbbing in there, sucking you whole. You howled at the motion, not because of pain, but how aroused it left you. "Rin! Wait..." You were arching your back, toes curling as he pounded into your vagina, deeper and deeper and deeper. "S-So good."
He groaned slightly, his grip on your shoulders firm. "Good girl... tell me... where it feels good."
You couldn't stop shaking, your mind muddled in euphoria and lust combined. "I... can't..."
"[Name]."
"I-It's too much."
"Do you want to go slower?"
"...No."
A smirk crossed his face, so cocky and arrogant, like the true star he was. "That's my [Name]. Now tell me where it feels good."
"There! R-Right there."
He shoved his dick deeper at the spot you mentioned, accurately hitting the shots like the way he did in soccer. Your eyes lulled back as you panted heavily, overwhelmed but also feeling so much pleasure from this new type of love. It was a double-edged sword, but it was so worth it, seeing your boyfriend enjoy you. If it was for him, you'd do anything.
"Shit," he groaned, his member assaulting your cunt left and right, in every direction. He kept it going, tireless and nonstop, due to the stamina he built up from years of his sport. It felt so good, his dick pulsing alongside your twat, a mixture of warmth and wet.
"I'm... coming soon."
"C-Coming?" you asked, whining once more when he thrusted into you.
"Naive girl," he grunted. "I have to punish you for this."
He grabbed your ass and you moaned, unable to handle it anymore. You were reaching a high, climbing up a ladder to reach a climax. A blissful of feelings released, oxytocin spreading throughout your system. You convulsed at the intensity of it, gripping onto Rin.
Rin Itoshi reached his climax as well, gritting his teeth. As he pulled himself out from you, he stared at you as if you were the goal he had just conquered. Winning meant everything to him, after all, for it was life or death out in that battlefield.
But... actually, it was you who had conquered him. You, who had stole his heart, in your clutzy fashion.
He simply could not win against you anymore.
Rin Itoshi laid down beside you, hugging you like it was the last day on earth. He, who had never believed in luck, felt like the luckiest man on this planet to have met you. He, who could not rely on anybody else after the deception of his brother, found himself searching you. He, who scoffed at the idea of love, was now so submerged in love when it came to you.
You had dozed off already, tired from this little escapade today. He shook his head at your ability to fall asleep so easily, staring at every crook and crevice to burn your beautiful self into his mind.
"I love you, my little fool."
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babyfoxflower · 3 months ago
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The Hunter and the Hunted
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Human! Alastor x Fem! Reader
*Disclaimer: This story is an AU and does not follow Hellaverse canon. Alastor is pretty much just a hetero, if this offends you in anyway, then I suggest you block me and go on your way.*
Synopsis: This the story of Alastor and the love of his life, his huntress, the charming Y/n Rosier. A rare beauty out on the bayou, his heart is instantly stolen by her. He’ll do anything for his beloved, even if that includes murder.
Story Warnings: 18+, MDNI, Violence, Blood, Hunting, Murder, Mentions of Child Abuse, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, 1920s Attitudes Towards Women
Chapter One Next
Alastor looked up at the now darkening sky. It was getting late and the only thing he managed to find on his hunt were a few measly rabbits that he stuffed into his hunting sack to make carrying multiple of them easier.
“At least we can make a stew out of these,” the disappointment clear in his voice.
He was hoping he’d find a nice big stag to bring home. His mother was quite fond of venison, and even had a special jambalaya recipe that included it. But he knew what ever she made would be delicious.
He took off his glasses and gave them a quick cleaning, he forgot his cleaning cloth at home and had to use his shirt. A bad habit he knew, but it was better than nothing.
He straightened them back onto his face, “Alright, time to go home.”
He started his way back, humming to distract himself from the lousy feeling in his chest.
“GOD DAMNIT!!!” A voice yelled from deeper in the forest.
Alastor stopped dead in his tracks.
That sounds like a lady. I wonder if she needs help.
His gentleman nature would not allow him to ignore a damsel in distress, so he set off in the direction of the voice.
“FOR HEAVENS SAKE! MOVE YOU DAMN STAG!”
Alastor was taken aback when he finally found the source of the noise. It was a woman alright, but a woman who did not match the voice that was coming from her mouth.
She was so beautiful, that Alastor almost couldn’t believe his eyes. He had never seen such a lovely creature in all of his twenty-three years of living. He blinked his eyes a few times to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating.
“Please, move,” a little whimper escaped from the lady, which snapped him back to reality.
She seemed to be trying to pull a stag with what looked like a makeshift pulling device made out of rope and twigs.
“Excuse me, Miss. Do you need some help with that?” Alastor asked her, while approaching slowly as to not frighten her.
She jumped at the sudden noise before quickly turning her head around to see who was there.
“Oh, thank god! Yes please, Mister. Could you please help me if it’s not too much trouble?” A look of relief on her pretty face.
“Oh, it’s no trouble at all. I’m always willing to help out a lady,” he smiled kindly.
“You’re too kind, Mister! I was scared that I would never be able to get this thing back, haha.”
“May I ask how you ended up in this predicament? Did you find this stag dead?” He queried.
“I shot this stag myself,” she motioned her head to the rifle in her hand that he somehow managed to not notice until she pointed it out.
Hmm, must have been too distracted by her beauty.
“Ah I see. Please forgive me, Sweetheart. I didn’t notice your gun. And might I also ask about this contraption?” He pointed to the device.
“Oh! I just threw it together, I thought it would make it easier for me to move this damn thing, but it did nothing,” she glared at it.
Alastor shook his head, “You ladies are quite clever, far more clever than men. But sometimes, however, you need a man’s strength,” he said while easily lifting the large animal over his shoulder.
She blushed, marveling at him, at how strong he was, “I can’t argue with that.”
She led the way to her house, making small talk.
“So, what’s your name, Mister?” She asked, smiling softly.
He couldn’t believe that he had forgotten to introduce himself, his mother would scold him if she was here.
“Alastor. Alastor Hartfelt. And what might your name be, my dear?”
“Y/n Rosier. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alastor!”
“A beautiful name for a beautiful lady. I assure you that the pleasure is all mine,” he replied.
Y/n blushed, she had rarely been called beautiful by anyone outside of her family.
“You’re quite beautiful, yourself! I’ve never seen anyone with such a pretty complexion before, and your eyes, they’re such a lovely light brown, not to mention your chestnut hair…did I just say that out loud?”
Nice going, Y/n! You probably freaked the gorgeous man out!
Alastor was the blushing mess now, his heart pounded inside his chest. He even nearly dropped the deer.
Me? She thinks I’m beautiful? Why does that make me feel both so happy and shy at the same time? Pull yourself together, Alastor!
But he quickly regained his composure, “You did, haha! Thank you, my dear, most people don’t compliment my appearance.”
“Well, they should! Such a handsome man deserves to know it.”
They continued to converse. He told her about his mother and her cooking, how there was no one who could make better food. She told him how she had to do all the cooking and housework, because of how frail her mother was.
She talked about her three little sisters, how much of angels they were. Though she admits that it’s hard having to act almost like their mother.
“I’m their big sister, not their mother. I just sometimes wish that Mama would feel better enough one day to actually be our mother again. That’s a terrible thing to say, isn’t it? I’m sorry for going on about my problems.”
“No, your feelings are valid. And you’re correct, you’re not their mother. I understand your frustration. My mother sometimes treats me like I’m still seven years old.”
“Are you her only child?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s it then. You’re her baby! Of course she doesn’t want to let go of your childhood. But I also understand your frustration.”
He knew that. But it was nice hearing out of her mouth, she made it sound all the sweeter. He loved his mother. She was a kind soul, not a gentle soul by any means, but a kind one. Y/n seemed to be both kind and gentle.
“I want to be my Mama’s baby again, but I haven’t been that since the first of my little sisters were born,” she looked thoughtfully out into the distance.
“Well, one day you’ll have a husband to take care of you.”
“Yes, until I have a baby and then this whole thing will just repeat itself.”
“You don’t have to have a baby.”
“Hmm, what do you mean?”
“You can be married without having to have children. I know if I ever get married, unless my wife really wants children, we’ll probably never have them. Not that I don’t like children or anything like that but I can’t see myself as a father.”
Y/n stared at him like he was speaking a foreign language. But then she smiled, “I don’t want children either! I wish more men thought like you, Sugar. But I know once I get married, I’ll be expected to birth many children and keep my husband’s blood line going.”
Alastor looked at the tops of the trees, “That’s the thing, I couldn’t care less about ‘continuing my blood line.’ In fact, I think it should just die with me.”
“Why?”
“I hate my father.”
“Oh. I didn’t care for mine either.”
Y/n then changed to more lighthearted topics. Going on about her hobbies outside of doing housework. It turned out she played the piano and sang just like he did. Of course, her piano was an old hand-me-down going back generations. But it played just fine.
His heart wouldn’t stop pounding as walked beside her. He was so charmed by her. Her looks, her kindness, the way her nose wrinkled up when she laughed. It was actually kind of overwhelming. Sure, he interacted with beautiful women before, but something was different about her.
He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it was almost like she had bewitched him in the best possible way.
Little did he know that she was equally as charmed by him as he was by her. She loved the formal way he spoke, how much of gentleman he was, how bright his smile was. It gave her butterflies in her stomach.
Finally, they reached her house. It was a one-story cabin with a little picket fence surrounding it. Suddenly, three adorable little girls came running to Y/n. She got on her knees and embraced them.
“Why were you gone so long, Y/n?”
“We were worried.”
“We missed you.”
“I know, I know I was gone for far too long! I missed you little ones too,” a motherly tone in her voice.
Alastor smiled, “What cute little girls.”
They looked up at him and then back to their older sister, their eyes asking if it was okay to talk to him.
“My little darlings, this is Mister Alastor. He helped me bring home that big stag,” she pointed to the dead animal.
They turned to him and smiled, “Thank you, Mister Alastor!”
“It was my pleasure, dears.”
Y/n got up, “Come on, I’ll show you where to put the deer,” she turned to him.
She led him to a shack behind the house, it was full of tools for gutting and skinning. In the middle was a table, she told him to place it on there.
“I cannot thank you enough! If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have been able to feed my family. Thank you so much, Alastor!”
“Please, Sweetheart, again it was no trouble at all! I’m glad I could be of assistance to you and your family.”
The tallest of the little girls came up to him, “Excuse me, Mister Alastor. Will you be joining us for dinner?” Her eyes full of sweet innocence.
Y/n’s face lit up, “Yes, why don’t you join us! It’s the least we can do to repay you.”
“Thank you kindly for the offer, but I have to get home to my Mother. She’s also counting on me to get dinner home,” he motioned to the sack tied to his belt, “Perhaps another time though?” He looked from the little girl over to Y/n.
“Of course! Stop by anytime! You’re always welcome here now,” her smile couldn’t possibly be any sweeter.
Alastor tipped his cap, “Adieu, my dear. And adieu to you, little dears.”
“Adieu, Alastor!” Y/n waved to him.
“Adieu, Mister Alastor!” The little girls said in unison, waving their little arms.
I hope I see him again soon.
“He was handsome, are you going to marry him, Y/n?” Her littlest sister asked.
“She’s not going to marry someone she just met, Louise!” The middle one said.
“Now, Marie don’t shout at Louise. But no, I’m not going to marry him.”
“Awww. You two would be so cute together!”
Y/n pinched the girl’s cheek.
“Annalise, come help me prepare for supper.”
“Yes, Y/n!” The oldest came running to her big sister’s side.
Alastor got home just before sunset, much to the chagrin of his mother.
“Boy, you better have a good reason for being home so late! I was getting worried,” she looked at him sharply from her rocker.
“I’m sorry, Mother. I brought home some rabbits for dinner,” he kissed her cheek.
“It took that long to catch some rabbits?” She said teasingly, taking the sack from her son.
“I met a girl,” was all he said before going upstairs to wash up.
———————————————————————
Alastor lay awake in his bed that night. He stared at the ceiling, counting the wooden panels. He often had insomnia that caused him only to get three to five hours of sleep.
“Y/n,” he whispered.
I wonder if she has trouble sleeping. Or is she someone who sleeps like a baby? I wonder if she snores, I bet it’s cute if she does.
He couldn’t stop thinking about her. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about her? He had just met her that day but already she was causing him to lose sleep.
Is she a side sleeper? Would she mind if wrapped my arms around her waist and hold her close? What if I stole a kiss or two? Would she wake up with an adorable annoyed face?
Alastor grinned just thinking about what it would be like….
What if I kept kissing her all the way down from her lips to her neck? Would she moan at the sensation? What if I nibbled and sucked at her neck? Would she like it? I bet she would. I bet she would beg for more.
What a sight that would be. But he had to stop such thoughts, since did not feel like cleaning his sheets the next day.
He turned to more wholesome thoughts. Like what kind of food did she like? Would she like it if he cooked for her? Did she like venison or did she just hunt it out of necessity? Does she like jambalaya?
What a silly question, everyone in Louisiana likes jambalaya.
He thought about what it would be like coming home to her everyday. Her sweet smile, her warmth. Her wonderful laughter.
“Alright, I have to see her again soon. Or else I’m going to go mad.”
He decided to visit her next week, he figured it would be enough time in between. He didn’t want to come off desperate.
Finally, he rolled over on his side and managed to get a few hours of shuteye. In the morning, his mother would shake him awake and tell him to get ready for church. Then he’d tell her that he’s a grown man and doesn’t have to go to church. She would then do the sign of the cross, and cry out to the Holy Mother to please bring her sweet little boy back.
He loved his mother a lot, however the devoted Catholic side of her was something he could do without. But of course he would go to church with her, because again he loves her. And would do anything for the people he loves.
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makingqueerhistory · 8 months ago
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The Story of Sharifa Everyone called me a boy in my childhood but I eventually understood that even though my body was like that of a boy, I was actually a girl. I loved dressing up like girls. However, no one at home agreed to buy me the clothes I liked. I liked doing household chores with my mother, rather than going out with my father. I used to secretly makeover myself with my sisters’ cosmetics. If I was caught. I would be scolded or even beaten. I wanted to play with girls more. Nevertheless at home. in school. the girls did not want to take me in sports with them. Even when I went to play with the boys they used to laugh at my voice and behaviour. Everyone at school, the neighbours, and even the people at home ignored me a lot. I used to suffer a lot thinking why I was like this. I felt very alone. One day I met someone whom everyone called a girl but she thought of herself as a boy. I thought “this person is also like me.” She told me “We are not women or men. We are the third gender.” That person took me to a place where there were more people like us. And their ‘Guru Mom’ kept a watch on all of them. Going there, I did not feel alone. I did not feel that I was different from others. I began to stay with those people. There the rules and customs were different from those of our home. Still, we lived like a family, sharing all the joys and sorrows among us. We live like a family, sharing everyone’s happiness and sorrow. We also feel bad for the people at home. So we go home from time to time. I left home twenty years ago. Since then I have been earning money with my new family by blessing newborn babies and new brides and grooms. Sometimes I collect money from people by requesting them. However, we want to live like other common people in the society, to study, work and do business like them. Nevertheless, most people don’t want to mix with us, don’t want to give us work even if we have required qualifications. However, nowadays many people are sympathetic to us. Nowadays, many people like us are studying from their own homes. There are people like us in all countries of the world. In many countries. they live like the rest of the society. The condition of our country is also changing. The Bangladesh government recognised us in 2013. The government and many nongovernment organisations are working for us. They are providing education and employment. They are working to change the attitude of society. Many third gender people like Nazrul Islam Ritu, Shammi Rani Chowdhury and Bipul Barman have achieved success in social and professional life.
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sigma-alpha-writer-chad · 3 months ago
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Grow Up, Would You? [Josh Washington]
“I don’t know if you’ve changed any since middle school but I really hope you’ve learned the difference between pranking somebody and just being a fucking bully.”
You can also find this story on Ao3!
Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three
[CHAPTER TWO]
CW: Marijuanna use
“Chris, I’m not so sure about this,” I mumble, crossing my arms as I follow my cousin down the forest trail. “Things are just going to get super awkward.”
“Then just… don’t talk to him. Can’t be that hard, right?” Chris responds. I can tell that he knows as well as I do that Josh himself would do whatever it takes to get under my skin in any given circumstance.
“It’s his house,” I retort.
“It’s Hannah’s get together,” he replies. “She knows how you guys are, hopefully she’ll get him off your ass.” I say nothing. "Just..." Chris stops walking and turns around to look me in the eyes.
"What?"
"Just please try to get along?" He asks. His expression is serious and pleading. I sigh, heavily. Why wasn't he on my side? Why can't Josh try to get along with me?
"Sure, Chris," I relent. "I'll... do my best." Chris smiles at me appreciatively and continues down the trail. I hate this. I don't want to be walked over, I don't want to be the doormat or the verbal punching bag for whoever was in a bad mood that day - especially Josh's. But I didn't want to ruin everybody else's good mood, either. If no one else sees a problem, why am I so upset?
The autumn trees towered above us, providing shelter from the warm sun – although some warmth would be appreciated as the temperatures dropped lower by the day. I’d only been to the Washington house before for some rager of a graduation party, when the sky was dark. With the sun, however, the gorgeous forest could make me almost forget I was on a death march to the lair of my enemy.
Chris and I finally make it to the porch of the Washington home. He turns to me, as if to say “after you!” I hold my arms tighter to my body and shake my head. So, after a roll of the eyes, he knocks. There’s a muffled call from the other side to let us know someone was coming to let us in. Just my luck, Joshua opens the door.
“What are you, Chris, a vampire? Gotta be invited in, now?” Josh jokes, a wide grin on his face.
“I’m with Jordan,” Chris says, as if clarifying. Josh looks over Chris’s shoulder to see me. I swear I see his smile widen, and I can only think that can’t be good.
“You can leave her outside, Chris, no worries,” Josh snickers as he steps aside, holding open the door for Chris and I. As I walk past, I nod and offer a gentle thanks. “You’re welcome, pet.” Immediately, Chris sighs as if he knows whats coming. He knows I want to say something – but the guilt I feel in my chest for ruining every good mood keeps me from speaking. Instead, I just give him a hurt, frustrated look.
Josh seems surprised. Next to the shock, though, is a flash of an emotion I can’t quite catch. It’s Josh, however. So I didn’t much care. I walked into the living room, where everyone else was waiting. Hannah stands up and hurries to greet me, walking straight past Chris to pull me into a hug.
“Ahh, thank you for coming! I’m glad you could make it!”
“Oh, uhm, thank you!” I pause. “For inviting me, I mean. You have a lovely home.” I give an awkward bow, staring wide-eyed at the floor. You’re so fucking weird, what are you doing?! I scold myself. I know they’re thinking it, too, but I once again push the negative thoughts away.
“We’re gonna head down to the basement,” Hannah says, smiling as if I hadn’t just made the most awkward air possible. “Do you smoke?” I’m taken by surprise. Chris, Josh, and everyone else walks past Hannah and I and towards the stairs.
“Smoke?” I repeat. “What, like, weed?” Hannah giggles.
“Yes, like, weed,” she says.
“Yeah, sometimes. Not often, though.”
“Great! We have weed.”
“Sounds… good.” A part of me is relieved. Maybe with something in my system I’ll be able to relax for once. Especially around Josh. I feel a burning anger in my chest at just the thought of him. Hannah takes my hand firmly and begins to lead me to the stairs the others had gone down. I make a mental note that the twins both really seem to like holding hands. Not that I minded. It just wasn’t that common for someone to take your hand in theirs when showing you around their house.
We get to the basement, and it’s noticeably colder. And massive. My eyebrows raise as I look around the room. There’s a huge TV mounted on the wall, a large circular wooden table in the middle of the room on a round, purple rug. Around the table for seating were two L couches, and on the couches were Hannah’s friends. Not everyone, though.
Matt, Sam, and Jess were missing, leaving just Ashley, Mike, and his girlfriend Emily, who was casually sitting on his lap. Next to Mike and Emily, Chris unsurprisingly had sat next to Ashley, leaving the other couch to Hannah, Beth, Joshua and I. For a moment I wondered if this could be some kind of set up. Hannah quickly left my side to sit next to Beth on the furthest end of the couch. On the other side was, of course, Joshua, rolling a joint. And, of course, the only open seat was next to him.
And he knew it.
I didn’t want to be rude or, again, make things awkward. And so, I sat next to Joshua Washington. It’s here, watching him focused on something that I suddenly realize how tired he looks. The underside of his eyes were dark, as if he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in days.
“Like what you see?” Josh smiles, eyebrows raised. I frown in response.
“No.” I immediately regret this as the vibe is instantly brought down by my rude answer. “I mean, like, not NO, but I just mean I didn’t -”
“Calm down, girl, I’m just… just JOSHING ya,” he laughs. I roll my eyes but I can’t help the small smile that hints at my face. Josh’s head snapped to his sisters, mouth wide open in a smile as if he can’t believe I was capable of anything but a straight face or a frown. “I made her smile!” He whisper yells. I hate it, but it makes it harder to keep the smile down. Somehow I manage not to fully grin.
“Alright, you first, Mike,” Josh says, handing the dark haired boy the joint. Mike takes a long drag and shotguns it to Emily. My lip twitches, threatening to make an obvious sneer at the strong PDA.
“Ohh, spicey,” I hear Josh laugh. “Chris and Ashley next.” Ashley and Chris immediately chime in in a chorus of no’s. Chris takes the joint and takes a hit. I notice his hands are shaking. The idea of his lips so close to Ashley’s is more than it appears he can take. I can hear Josh continue to laugh to himself as Ashley is handed the joint.
“So, what’s the plan for the winter this year?” Beth says, her face shining with excitement. “Are you guys coming?” Mike and Emily look away from each other, their teasing and giggling cut short by Beth’s question. Despite the unhappy look on Emily’s face, she answers. Ashley passes the joint to Hannah.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, hon,” she smiles, but it looks forced and sarcastic, even. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as to why she’s here – and why does she keep getting invited? Mike nods next to her, a smile on his handsome face. He seems much more laid back and agreeable than his girlfriend, who I notice is looking me up and down. “Do you have a problem or something, weird girl?” I’m taken aback at the sudden confrontation and I sit up straight. My heart begins to pound. Hannah passes the joint to Beth.
“No, I don’t. I was just -”
“Staring at me like some sort of creep? Yeah, I saw. I saw you look at my man, too. What’s up? You want him?”
“What? No, I -”
“You can’t have him. So eyes off, bitch.” I clench my jaw, hard. I swear I almost cracked a tooth.
"Emily -" Mike starts, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration and embarrassment. He shoots me a worried, apologetic look.
"No, it's fine," I say, staring Emily directly in the eyes. As I expected, she takes it as a challenge. "I looked at you, yeah. When you're sucking face like that it's hard to ignore." Beth passes the joint to Josh.
"Well, keep looking." Emily hisses, throwing her arms around Mike and holding his neck tightly. I wonder if he can breathe. I clear my throat and look up at Chris. His eyes are already a bit droopier, but through his mild high he still looks back at me with a sort of pity and embarrassment that I just can't stand.
Josh hands me the joint.
"Go on, take a big drag, babydoll," Josh grins at me. I frown at him. He did nothing wrong, but I still can't help but feel like he's making fun of me in some way. Still, I ignore the nickname. I know he's just trying to get under my skin, yet I can feel the tips of my ears heat up in embarrassment. I side-eye Josh as I put the blunt in between my lips. He's staring at me as if he's studying me, his ever present smile missing from his face, eyes half closed. He couldn't be high that quickly, could he?
As he suggested, I take a long drag, adding a bit of 'coolness' by French inhaling.
"Oh, so cool, I've never seen that before," Emily says sarcastically. I ignore her as I pass the weed back to Mike. Mike doesn't look at me as he takes it, instead glaring at Emily. I can tell he's embarrassed by her cruelty.
I don't hate Mike. He's never been my favorite person in the world, but he's never done anything to me or that I've seen that could make me dislike him other than his habit of... Well, women. However, I could tell that despite her attitude Mike saw something beneath that and really did care about Emily. He was handsome, I could never deny that. Thick, dark hair and brown eyes, a chiseled jaw and a decent body to match. The more time I spent near him the more I understood that he really wasn't a stereotypical 'high school hot guy.' Mr. Class President. He locks eyes with me and gives me an awkward smile. I can sense an apology in his expression. I want to return a look, but I quicky shift my gaze before Emily catches on to the telepathic conversation.
As we continue the rotation, the conversation of their winter plans continues on. I listen, but I don't contribute due to my lack of invitation. I look around me, and everyone looks happy and content. I can feel my own high start to creep up under my eyes, and I can't help but smile to myself. It was pleasant. Even though these were people I didn't yet consider friends outside of Chris, Beth, and Hannah, I didn't feel completely out of place in this moment. I felt content for the first time in a long time.
An hour passes.
"Hey, I'm sorry, where's your bathroom?" I ask. I start to think I might be greening out and I needed a moment to myself. Josh turns to me, a dopey grin on his face.
"The bathroom?" He asks. I smile back at him.
"Yeah, the bathroom."
"What for?" Josh scoots closer as if to hear me better.
"I'm getting anxious, I think," I admit. This surprises me. Why would I tell Josh I'm anxious? So he can make it worse? Instead of poking fun at me and telling everyone to look, his smile fades slightly and his eyebrows twitch in what looks like concern.
"Anxious? Are you ok?"
"I'm greening," I say, widening my eyes for a moment to exaggerate. Josh takes my hand.
"I will escort you to the bathroom," he says, standing up. "It's kind of a maze, this house." He's smiling at me. Even under the influence I can't help but search for any sign of malicious intent. My anxiety spikes further. What does he have planned?
"Can't you just tell me how to get there?" I ask, though I stand with him anyway.
"Yeah, but you'll get lost."
"Joshua Washington," Hannah starts, her tone that of a parent warning their child. "You better not upset her or I swear..."
"Yeah!" Beth chimes in.
"Awe, guys, give me a chance! Give me a chance..." He trails off, beginning to lead me to the stairs, still holding my hand. When we're further away, I inform him that my hand was still in his. "Oh, can I just keep holding it? Your hands are just so soft." I say nothing. How do I respond to that? Is this some sort of joke?
"Your hands are calloused," is all I can muster.
"Oh, man, is that bad?"
"No."
We stand in front of a door. I assume it's the bathroom but I can't think clearly. Josh just stares at me. I ask him if this is the bathroom. He says nothing. He's expressionless.
"You seem anxious around me, do I make you anxious?"
"Is this the bathroom?" I ask. Silence. My heart is pounding. What is he trying to do? Embarrass me? He's staring into my very being. Of course he makes me anxious.
"...yeah." He steps aside, opening the door for me. He suddenly seems sober. I feel a pang of guilt as I walk past him and into the bathroom. Why? I stare at myself in the mirror, studying my own features. I'm not wearing any makeup, but I kind of wish I did. Maybe some mascara, or something. My cheeks and the tips of my ears were a light red, my flustered state obvious. As I observe myself, my mind wanders to the people out there, in the basement. Chris seems to really enjoy their company. Outside of Emily and Josh, I do too. Yet I still can't help but question it all.
Did they see me as a charity case? They never invited me to anything before, no texts after I'd moved. The friendship or my classmates was utterly and completely out of nowhere. Why did Beth and Hannah invite me? My pupils are dilated. I look tired. My eyes water. Will I be invited again? I think I hope so.
A knock on the door makes me jump.
"Are you ok in there?"
"It's been like, 10 seconds."
"It's been like, 10 minutes, J." Had it really been that long? There was no way. J? I find myself wondering where such a familiar sounding nickname came from.
"Are you timing me?" I ask.
"No," he answers. "I'm not." A beat of silence.
"Have you been waiting for me this whole time?" Josh doesn't answer. After a moment of silence, he knocks again.
"Are you ok in there?" I roll my eyes and sigh in frustration, opening the door and stepping out. Well, trying to. Josh is standing directly in the opening and I bump into him, hard, but he doesn't stumble. He grabs both my shoulders as if to hold me still, keep me from falling over. I only notice now he's taller than me by a few inches, my eyes in line with his mouth.
"Yeah," I say, frozen in place. He's touching me
Why is he touching me? Why? His grip loosens, noticing how tense I am.
"You were just in there for a while, and," he paused, taking a step back. "I dunno, sometimes people cry at get togethers or whatever." I chew on my lower lip. I had almost cried. "It would've been a major bummer, or whatever."
"Do I look like I was crying?"
"Yes." I'm taken aback, lifting my hands to my face. Sure enough, my cheeks are wet with what can only be tears.
"How would - how would you know?" Now it's his turn to be embarrassed. He takes another step back from me as he looks at the wall to my left, shifting his weight. Is he nervous?
"...I've seen you cry a lot."
"Oh. Right." The silence is deafening. "Let's go back downstairs." I wipe my face dry with the sleeves of my sweater. "Thanks for showing me where the bathroom is." I try to change the subject. He says nothing, only offering me a nod this time. He doesn't take my hand.
"Next time you're on your own." He huffs, turning on his heel and walking quickly away from me and back towards the basement. I'm taken aback by the sudden shift in attitude but I bite my tongue. I promised Chris I would do my best to get along with Josh, and I intended to keep it. But damn was it difficult.
Back into the basement, Josh is already sat and smoking. I furrow my eyebrows. Did he have to be high to tolerate my presence? I shake the thought from my head and take my place next to him. He shifts, scooting slightly further away from me. My chest fills with a deep, rumbling anger, and I grip the sides of the couch tightly. I didn't do anything to him.
"You'll be coming, right, Jordan?" Beth asks. I snap out of my thoughts and lean forward to see her over her brother, who stiffens.
"What? Coming to what?" I ask. Beth smiles and rolls her eyes playfully. I can hear Emily snicker and Mike sigh at her in mild frustration, saying her name as if in a warning - again. Chris is watching Josh, his eyes seemingly scanning for something.
"Our parents own a lodge up on a mountain," Hannah answers for Beth. "In the winter we all spend a few days up there. No parents, if you were wondering."
"And you're invited," Beth butts in. "It would be rude of us to talk about it so much in front of you if we didn't plan on taking you along." I'm passed the blunt, but I don't hit it this time. I'm high enough.
"Uh, well, I don't know," I start, chewing at my bottom lip. I glance at Josh, who is staring at me intensely. The sudden eye contact kind of freaks me out. I look at Chris, who shrugs at me, his expression wide eyed and clueless. Emily rolls her eyes, and the twins look at me expectantly. "I... I don't think I would be any fun." My heart pounds. I don't want to spend time trapped on a mountain for days near Joshua Washington. I would expect to wake up one morning with my mattress somehow moved outside as a "joke."
"What? Why?"
"I'm just not a partier." I gulp. I look again at Chris. I can't tell what he's thinking. Does he want me to come? Does he think I'll ruin it for him? For everyone?
I think I would.
"Jordan, please. Just think about it?" Hannah pleads, standing up from her place on the couch to crouch down in front of me like a parent talking to their child. I can feel Josh's gaze boring into me, telling me I'd better not dare to say yes. My eyes snap to his, my head unmoving.
If you come to the lodge I will make your life hell.
The anger in me bubbles and burns to the point of pain, my jaw clenching. I can't help but think about how many times I'd missed out on something because Joshua Washington would be there or even nearby. How many tears have I shed over this asshole? And now what? Now he thought he could control me?
"Jordan?" Hannah repeats. I know she can see the staring battle between Josh and I.
"You know what, Hannah?" I start. Something in Josh's expression changes. The warning is still there, but now there's something else. Shock? Admiration?
"Yeah?" Hannah starts to smile, though there's a hint of nervousness to it. I wonder if regret ever creeped into her head.
Fear?
I don't know. But I know I'm done with agreeing to be put down and pushed around for the comfort of others. If Joshua Washington wanted a battle he sure as hell would get one, though this time there was no winning for him. I'm not laying down anymore. I turn my head so I'm fully facing him. His expression shifts further towards surprise and realization that something was different.
"I'll be there."
-------------------------
Whoo!! Sorry for the wait! Thank you for your patience.
Taglist: @sc4rrc @mattymxmo @cellyx33 @jenepleurepasbaby
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i314flix · 4 months ago
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[ 7:23 A.M. ] “god, ____, you’re killing me here.”
you glared at jake. you wanted to retort that if anyone had the right to claim that they were being killed at this second, it would be you, thanks to your annoying fever. after all, you have been glued to your bed since yesterday, only getting up when you needed to pee or wished to rummage through the fridge, trying to find something to eat that your appetite might be kind enough to accept. so far, a half-glass of orange juice has managed to get down your throat, as well as a few spoonfuls of rice porridge.
“how the hell am i supposed to leave you like this?” he added when you didn’t answer. “should i make a call and say i’m rejecting the deployment?”
“is that even allowed?”
“no. i’m pretty sure they’ll throw me in the brig and give me a bad discharge or something.”
“then you should leave now, jake.” you weakly pushed his thigh. he was standing beside the bed, dressed in his naval aviator uniform, this permanent worried expression etched on his face. “i promise, i’ll live. it’s just some stupid cold.”
he didn’t move.
“jake.”
“what do you expect me to do?” he raised his arms up in frustration, voice raising a bit. he sometimes had the bad habit of converting his concern into a display of anger. “my girlfriend’s sick. her temperature’s not lowering, she lives alone, and i’m about to leave her for three months because my job demands it. i’m sorry if i want to ditch my patriotic duty for a goddamn day!”
you sighed. you weren’t sure how you were going to make the situation better either, and being scolded by jake didn’t help. it only worsened your headache, this ringing bothering your ears heightening for a second.
“shit, i’m sorry.” you suddenly heard jake mutter almost immediately when he finished talking, and he crouched down to your level, placing a hand over cheek. “i did it again, didn’t i?”
“turned your anger on me? yeah.”
guilt washed over him further. “i’m sorry for being a dick. you didn’t deserve that.”
“it’s alright, babe.” you placed your palm over his hand, a small smile making its way on your lips to appear stronger than you were. “we both know this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. we’re supposed to be sneaking in a quickie before i drive you to the airport and instead i’m sick.”
jake laughed at that. “i hate that i can’t even kiss you right now.”
“i know. i hate it too.”
“i hate that i need to leave.”
“if only you didn’t have to.”
“you sure you’ll be fine?” he asked.
“yeah, positive.” you replied. “i mean, this isn’t the first time i’ve been sick on my own. i’m a grown woman. i can take care of myself.”
“that’s another thing i hate.”
“don’t worry.” you kissed his wrist. “once i’m back on my feet, i’ll tell you.”
that seemed to ease him a little. “i expect you to tell me you’re okay as soon as possible, alright?”
“i’ll even write it in paragraph form with pictures if you want.”
“i’m being serious.”
you smiled wider, sheepish. “yes, sir. i’ll update you as soon as possible.”
he rolled his eyes at your playfulness and leaned in to give your forehead a long kiss. “don’t forget to drink your meds on time. i’ll tell marjorie to check on you every now and then.” marjorie was your elderly neighbor who had a dog you often looked after when she had lengthy errands to do.
you nodded once more, and with a final kiss on your cheek this time, jake said his farewells (reluctantly) and was out of your apartment by the time you were threatening to call coyote to haul him away.
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bobbin-buckley · 2 months ago
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Hi! Could you maybe write G!p Sevika x fem!reader? They are married and Sevika gets home from a fight beat up and wants sex, they are in the middle of it when Jinx and Isha arrive. (Isha being like a child of Sevika and reader)
Thank youu
After Fight Shenanigans
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G!P Sevika x Fem!Reader
Summary: Sevika comes home after a bar fight, leaving her angry, beaten and needy. Though you weren’t planning guests
Warnings: G!P Sevika, p in v, unprotected sex, rough sex, getting caught, Sevika is beaten up, pet names (slut, whore etc), some oral, tit-fucking, Mommy kink, slight slapping, Season 2 spoilers
Request
A/n: This is kinda my first time writing g!p so I apologize if it’s bad
❧~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~☙
“Pity, can't even defend myself from two guys!”
Sevika, your wife came home pretty early from her bar night. Originally she planned to be there until god knows how late, you trusted her though, she usually judge has a couple of drinks and smokes before heading back home with some bruised knuckles and a black eye. But in this case it was a whole broken nose!
Now normally you’d scold her and tell her to stop causing fights, and sometimes she’d listen. Tonight was different because she was mad, like the most mad you’ve ever seen her.
It was a different kind of mad though, you could see the irritation but also need in those grey eyes, recognizing that look from anywhere.
“…Doll..” She spoke ever so calmly despite her anger, her fury. She was soft when it came to you, to a surprise to a lot of people. Jinx teased her all the time, acting like Sevika whenever she’s being a softie to you in front of Jinx.
Since Sevika’s weaponized arm that she wears everywhere wasn’t on her during her bar night because it was being fixed by Jinx. So she had nothing much to defend herself besides her right arm instead.
She was also pretty irritated about how weak she feels in front of you, Sevika enjoys showing off to you to a surprise.
“..Hm?” Your gaze went to her eyes as you but stuff to help her hurt nose, your light touches making her shift.
“I need you right now…” she rasped, her right hand resting on your thigh that made your breath hitch.
“You’re hurt…” Sevika rolled her eyes, squeezing your thigh before m releasing a little. “I don’t care, it’s just my nose,” she argued.
It wasn’t that her injuries worried you, it was the thought of having sex for the first time in awhile. Before you barely had anytime because of Piltover’s attacks, dealing with Silco and Jinx’s father-daughter drama…and Jinx and her sisters stuff. You both just never had time then.
“Okay…I missed you anyways, I think we both really need it.” You smiled, leaning up a bit and Sevika leaned down.
“I’ve missed it too, Doll.” She kissed you roughly, making you moan a bit into her mouth. She wasn’t gonna play nice tonight, you both knew that. The tension was high and both of you were so horny.
“Cmon baby,” Sevika took you to the bed you both shared and threw you on it and the bed squeaked a bit.
Her hands grabbed at your clothed breasts, kneading them softly but roughly. “Fuck I wanna suck these tits..” you feel your blouse get practically ripped open, your lacy bra underneath (that Sevika had stolen from a shop in Piltover).
“..mmmhh…” she heard you moan and groped your breasts harder, pinching your nipples and lowering her head and sucking on the erect buds. “..more baby please..”
“More? What do you need baby?” “Fuck my tits.” She grinned at your sudden blurt out. “Gladly.”
She took off her shirt, exposing her own big breasts behind a black sports bra, and tugged down her pants to reveal some tight boxers with a bulge straining against them.
Your eyes couldn’t leave it, your hands reaching out for the hem over the boxers but she smacked your hands away. “I got it my doll don’t worry.”
Sevika pulled down her boxers, her big erect dick being revealed. Jesus you forgot how big she was, now you are beginning to realizing how much you truly missed her inside you.
“Push your breasts together baby,” Sevika straddled your lower abdomen with her cock in her hand as she pumped it slowly.
You did as she asked and pushed your breasts together, letting her continue and push her member between them. “…mmm’ fuck your breasts are so soft.” Her hips moved and her cock moved slowly between your tits, her slick pre-cum dripping on your chest down your cleavage.
“..Good girl,” her hand cupped your jaw and tilted it up, tracing your jawline. You looked up at her with love yet intense need. Your tongue darted out to lick her tip each time it came close to your mouth. “Oh fuck that feels good princess, keep doing that…”
Obeying to her words, your tongue affected her so much she unexpectedly pushed her length halfway into your throat, her tip just hitting in the back of it.
“...Such a whore, suck on my cock.” She grabbed your head and had you bob your head up and down on her length. Each time she thrusted into your throat you gagged, making her enjoy this even more.
Suddenly she pulled out of your mouth, her cock twitching in anticipation. “Now, I’m gonna fuck your pretty pussy.” Sevika got off your stomach and lifted your legs to take off your pants, seeing the wet patch in your panties. “…All wet for me, huh Doll?”
The stonger woman put your legs over her shoulders, pushed your soaked panties to the side and pressed the tip of her dick against your clit. “..Please Mommy I need you…”
“Mommy huh?” She gave you that smirk you always fall for, her hands going on both sides of your head against the bed. “Gonna take my cock like a good girl for Mommy?”
You moaned at her words, nodding, “y-yes Mommy.” Sevika watched as you bit your lip, and she grinned at that. “Please…need you inside me..”
That was her cue, she pushed her length in slowly to let you adjust as she goes, making her groan at how tight you were. “..Good lord baby, so fucking tight around me.” Sevika gave your thigh a good slap, having you whimper. The further she pushed in the more your pussy stretched and made you cry.
Once inside you, she caressed the side of your face, you began to notice the soft side of her again. It always made you melt, her eyes were gazing into yours.
That moment ended pretty quickly as she began moving her hips, making you moan and gasp. “..Y-yes, just like that…fuck,” you groaned and your words hyped her up and she began moving her hips faster into you.
“Take it slut, take my cock like a good girl.” Sevika slammed harder into you each time, your cries echoing off the walls of the bedroom. The bed was even creaking with Sevika’s rough thrusts, skin slapping, and her hand coming in contact with either your tits or your thighs.
“Mmm…close baby? I can feel you squeezing around me. Fuck I want you to cum with me doll,” Sevika pulled you into a rough kiss, her tongue shoving into your throat with you moaning against her lips.
Your tight walls squeezed her twitching cock, spurring her on and making it difficult for her to hold back. “Y-yes I’m so close…oh god-!”
As your body feels the burning sensation in your stomach, you quickly release all over her length..causing her to explode inside you.
Sevika grunted and moaned quietly, her cum flooding your needy cunt. Both of your cum nested inside your womb, and both of you relaxed when the pleasure eased through.
“Shit I missed that,” Sevika panted, it gave you a second to respond. Since you just had a big orgasm.
“Me too…me too.” Your hands reached up to cradle her face, making her smile. She stayed inside you for a bit, and laid on you as she wrapped her arms around you.
“We need to do this more often,” she said, looking up at you with mischievous eyes, she patted your reddened thigh.
“…Maybe you should get more angry often, I think I enjoy angry rough sex.” You admitted.
“Is that so?” She grinned.
Quickly your moment was ruined by Jinx’s menacing laughter coming from the other side of the bedroom door. Your eyes when wide, so did Sevika’s but it was filled with more anger than anything.
“Jinx! What the hell!?” She screamed, getting off the bed and quickly wrapping her naked body in blankets and rushed over to the door.
You listened to the commotion, too lazy and in love with your wife to even look. You knew it wasn’t gonna end well.
“..With the kid there too?!” You heard Sevika exclaim.
“Wait what?!”
“Oh don’t worry Toots, Isha’s asleep on the couch.” Jinx laughed, a smirk spread across her face. She was trying too hard not to laugh.
You weren’t sure for how long Jinx has been home since you and Sevika went to pound town. But all you knew was that you were dozing off with your wife’s voice ringing in your head.
꧁~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~꧂
A/n: Not spelled checked but I hope it was good! I honestly was writing this while watching Arcane season 2 again 😭
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teleit · 3 months ago
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Sometimes I hate this show, and then I come to my senses and just despise it
I'm a feminist because I'm a woman and deserve all rights and opportunities. But this show, I swear to God, does everything it can to make me feel like a terrible person.
The show's adult Rhaenyra is just…ugh. There were a thousand ways to transfer her personality, actions, and decisions from page to screen, and the writers chose the worst possible one. Somehow, they managed to strip her of her personal qualities while simultaneously filling her to the brim with other people's accomplishments.
Young Rhaenyra was practically perfect, given the changes the writers made to the book plot. She was a young, capricious, selfish girl whose world collapsed in an instant, and she had to find her way on her own. She was unpleasant, nasty, mocking, charismatic, charming, sweet - and very real. Her actions could be condemned or supported, she was interesting to watch, and I loved her. Not everything Rhaenyra did was to my liking, but when she was on screen, I watched her without taking my eyes off.
Adult Rhaenyra is literally Frankenstein's monster, assembled from incomprehensible junk from the attic of Condall and Hess. She does not have a drop of the charm that young Rhaenyra had, as if they were written by completely different people. Every questionable action of hers is whitewashed, 90% of her decisions and achievements are recycled and reused plots of other characters from the books, any actions are extolled to the skies. It's like eating cold unsalted French fries, you feel punished for some unknown sins by tasteless crap.
I want to love Rhaenyra, I really tried the entire half of the first season and whole second to feel at least a little love for this homunculus, but it is simply impossible. Just when I'm starting to sympathize with Rhaenyra grieving so heartbreakingly for her son and wanting justice, and getting involved in show, the writers decide to indulge their nun fetish and have Rhaenyra dress up as a septa and go talk to Alicent about some useless bullshit. One minute she's not afraid to defend her opinion, the next she's playing Mother of Dragons 2.0 (Vermithor scene was indescribable cringe, as was posing with a goofy grin with three dragons while Aemond scampers away with his bloodthirsty granny). Here's Rhaenyra having a great dialogue scene with her son, and here she is kissing a SA victim who just shared her tragic backstory, but don't worry, it's very romantic and everyone is happy.
And it wouldn't be nearly as bad as it feels if Rhaenyra were like young Rhaenyra, whose flaws were real and not smoothed over by the constant reminder that this woman was the best thing to happen to the world since the invention of latte macchiato. Young Rhaenyra, if she were in the sept with Alicent, would have yelled at the woman, risked getting caught, and wouldn't have been shy about reminding Jace who was in charge and that he had no right to scold her. Would she have been right, or smart in her actions? Still no, but she wouldn't be hailed as fair, peaceful and perfect - she'd be a selfish, confused, grieving woman who'd lost so much and was desperately trying to figure out how to salvage what was left and take back what was taken.
The show does everything it can to make me despise Rhaenyra. She's selfish, self-righteous, smug, arrogant, delusional, self-important, dumb as a rock, spineless, one-dimensional cheap knockoff of Daenerys from the early seasons of Game of Thrones. And the worst part is that all of these qualities would be interesting if the show would just stop holding me by the balls and demanding that I must love and adore her for every little thing because Rhaenyra is always right, the best girl in the world, worthy of all praise, and perfect to the core. Let me decide for myself whether I want to like a character or not, because unlike some people, I have an IQ above room temperature and can empathize with a complex, ambiguous character with adult morals, not just Bloom from Winx in a white wig.
I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay to dislike a female character if she's written terribly, and that doesn't make me a bad person.
Ps. Still not native speaker and dgaf about mistakes, english can suck my imaginary dick; apparently somehow part of text was translate in my native language wtf
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dollwhite · 5 days ago
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wow..?.
part two
Made by Dollwhite
I’m so glad I got this done 😣 it was kicking my ass all lest week ps I need friends 😭 pls be my friend, I like DC things, I kinda like K-pop?. Oh and I love food, ima go grab some food right now!! I also like transformers my favorite is bumblebee 😭 yes I know that’s basically everyone’s favorite. But idc 💗
Now..Wally was sitting with his friends in his apartment. Trying to explain why.. his ‘girlfriend’ they don’t believe he has one. They think he payed some hot chick to play his girlfriend.
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”ok what I’m not understanding is that, YOU Wally west got a hot girlfriend before me?” Conner questioned. “ ya just agh, and I’m fine, sum not added up. You pay her?” He added on. It wasn’t a bad joke, no. He was seriously questioning him. Wally with a girlfriend that’s hot at that!? if ya told Conner this a week age, he would have never believed it. But with his super hearing….
HIS NOT A CREEP!!! sometimes the super hearing be hearing even when he doesn’t mean it. So well Wally and let’s call her hot girl were talking he… may or may have not been listening to their conversation..
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”agh, what’s there not to understand dude. Yes, I have a girlfriend she’s hot! Big deal cuz after this I might not have a girlfriend!!. and did you just called me ugly?? Your ugly!!” Wally shouted. this is exactly why he didn’t tell them he had a girlfriend. He thought they would over react, and that’s exactly what they’re doing.!
“If she’s your girlfriend why did ya let her walk home dude, it’s Gotham. Dangerous place for a lady to be walking around all alone.” Artemis asked.
Because who just lets their girlfriend walk around at night IN Gotham? If that was her girlfriend that would not be the case. She’s not judging, she is but that’s beside the point.
“My- she’s not the type to want people to go after her. If she walks away she wants to be alone. If that wasn’t the case do you think i would just let her walk away?” Wally replied.
he would never let his girlfriend walk around Gotham, if he didn’t think you could take care of yourself.
“Uh even if she’s wants to be alone wouldn’t have made sense for to at lest text her, just to make sure she got home safely?” Dick stated
he hasn’t seen Wally pick up his phone at all. Dick can get wanting to give your girlfriend space but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to check up on her.
That’s just a basic boyfriend rule always check up on your girlfriend even if they are mad at you.
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“It would end up with me being blocked.” Wally grumbled. “So how are we going to get her to forgive me?” Wally quickly added, on before any of them could comprehend what had been said moments earlier.
“The fuck you mean we?? I’m not the one that got her mad at you.” Conner argued.
“yeah dude I’m with Conner on this one, you never get involved with in a augment between a couple. Plus you kinda brought this on yourself.” Dick scolded, even if Wally was his best friend. He will never get between a arguing couples.
“I did not bring this on myself! She got mad because you all crashed our date.” He said, he knows he plays a part of you getting mad at him but he can’t take all the blame.
”hm I believe you did.” Artemis stated, grabbing a hand full of gummy bears off the little coffee table.
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Now four people including Wally were standing outside of your condo….
you were grabbing a water out of your freezer, when all of sudden you saw you front door handle being unlocked.
Seeing your door unlocked well you were standing in your kitchen. Was something.. a big something. You know you boyfriend had a key to your place but he always texted you a heads up before coming over. As you approached the front door it swung open. Revealing, your boyfriend Wally and what you assumed are three of his close friends.
“Hi.?.” You said confusion written all across your face. Glancing you noticed favorite flowers and f/c sitting tightly in Wally’s arms. “What are you doing here.?” You asked steeping to the side so all of them could walk through your door.
“ we came here to apologize.” Wally muttered. “ No, you came to apologize we came here to meet the pretty lady!” Artemis quickly corrected. Her eyes consciously making their why over to you, “I love your boots where ya get them?”
“Oh, I got them for Christmas so i don’t really know.” Your eyes glanced down at your Demonia camel 311 boots. They were cute high boots your grandfather got you for Christmas, you don’t know we’re in heaven he found them.
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Y��all can just imagine the apology part AGH I’m done if I spend any more time on this story I think ima be having dreams about it 😭 thank y’all so much for 45 followers!! Ps the reason this took so long was because my dumb ass actually deleted this the first time I wrote it so I had to redo it all over again 😕 Tumblr needs to get a box for all the deleted things cuz i promise the next time I delete something on accident ima quit.
Also I am half way done making a plot for BRAT 😆 and yes chapter 3 most likely will not be here until 7-11 because that’s when my package is coming, I Ordered it on the 25 last month but it’s still not here 😔. I might make a part three but I might not it just depends on how I feel.
Bye loves dollwhite signing out💗
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sunshine-theseus · 6 months ago
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Fools | Kyra Cooney-Cross x ND!Reader
Words: 4.3k
Summary: no one understood your mind, until you met Kyra.
Notes: Guys I have no knowledge of how Emirates is laid out, how meeting players off the pitch works etc, so I’m completely making this shit up I’m sorry. also sorry for the super long introduction, and the shit writing, I haven’t written in months.
Warnings: mentions of abuse - not proofread. i'm so sorry if this is so shit i genuinely haven't written in months. i wanted this one to be good so bad but i just don't think it is
the person who requested this has since deactivated so i actually feel so bad that i didn't get this out while they were on here. i'm genuinely so sorry for the past like 6 months.
I always struggled with social interactions. I didn’t understand it for a long time, why I always had to smile and hug people, why I had to lie about certain things like how I thought my aunt’s bright green hat looked, why I couldn’t ramble about Star Wars or the new penguin facts I just learned.
Then there were the sounds, and lights and the way things felt. Everything had to be specific, or I couldn’t focus. Sometimes if it was bad enough that I would have a breakdown, unable to do anything. My parents tried to scold it out of me when as a kid I couldn’t eat certain foods or wear the clothes they wanted. Sometimes if they deemed it worthy, I’d be met with the flesh of a palm against my cheek or bottom.
-
When I was 12, I presented the idea that maybe I was autistic to my parents. I’d researched it at school for a social emotional learning class we had to take, and I couldn’t help but notice the similarities I found within myself. If I think about it hard enough, I can feel every burning outline of the dark red hand marks that bloomed on my skin hours after the interaction, and the burning of my eyes as my stomach rumbled, drowned out by the music rumbling through my headphones.
-
At 17 I emancipated from my parents and moved to North Watford, renting out a small studio apartment above a record shop. I completed my final year of high school, working part time in the store, building a much-desired routine. The man that owned the shop and my apartment, and his young daughter, were migrants from Cuba, and more than happy to accommodate to my needs. They even chipped in to help me pay for my autism screening after I graduated high school.
I think they were the first people I willingly hugged ever.
I stopped masking when I moved, so the daughter, Elena; 5, took a few months to understand why I didn’t like touch or loud noises and why I didn’t understand some of the jokes she said that others usually laughed at. Not that I’d had the diagnosis at that time, but she was happy to just spend time with me. Every afternoon when I came back from school and started my shift, she’d beg me for more penguin facts, asking which was my favourite penguin. In return she’d spend the 2-hour shift drawing me something, usually a penguin, to pin on my corkboard at home.
I’d then help with her homework while Camilo closed shop and posted any online orders. It was a routine I cherished deeply.
-
Now, 3 and a bit years later at 21 years old, they managed to drag me to a football game. Equipped with headphones and a couple small sensory toys, as well as a hoodie under the “Miedema” jersey, the material of which originally had me tugging and prying the shirt away from my skin.
Elena and Camilo had been big fans of Arsenal for as long as I’d known them, going to every home game, begging me to join them every week without fail. I finally caved during a break in my uni courses, with nothing to do and Elena’s birthday falling on the day of a game, there was no other choice.
The newly 9-year-old basically imploded when she saw my printed ticket stub, tucked tightly into her birthday card. I gently ruffled her hair, which had become my version of hugging her, and showed her the 3 matching red and white #11 jerseys I purchased not long ago. She’d talked a lot about this Vivianne Miedema and how she wanted to be just like her when she grew up, but she’d never gotten a jersey, or seats on the bottom tier. Today was the day.
~
“Come ooonnn I want to get to our seats!” the pinky of her left hand links with my right one as her other hand is holding her dad’s, and she’s dragging us down the lane toward the entrance.
“Slow down Pollito! We have 20 more minutes until we need to be seated.” My special schedule for the day runs through my head as I check my watch. Plenty of time as long as the crowd keeps flowing.
“I wish you didn’t learn Spanish. It’s such a silly nickname.”
“But you’re my little chicken.” I send a joking frown her way and she replies with a toothless grin.
With the abrupt end to the conversation, we arrive at the gate. Showing the stewardess our tickets to be scanned, we then head toward our seats. As Camilo and I take our seats at the very front, instead of make way to their usual seats a tier up, Elena stops and looks back and forth between us.
“There’s no way you got us these seats.” Without a word I pull the girl in between us and she begins to ramble about how excited she is to be able to see the game so close, still able to be clearly heard through my headphones I manage to slip over my ears.
~
The game is drawn 1-1 just after half time, but Arsenal is close to having the upper hand. From across the pitch, Elena spots the tall and lanky number 11, Vivianne Miedema, pulling off her fluoro yellow bib and warm up shirt and lining up next to number 32 behind the fourth official who is prepping her sign. With a couple of whacks to my arm and an aggressive point of her finger, Elena makes me and Camilo very aware of the impending entrance of her favourite player, and another really attractive girl who is very obviously wearing her socks on the wrong feet. The thought makes me squirm but a shot on goal quickly manages to take my focus.
“Who’s the one coming on with Viv? You’ve never told me about number 32.” It’s hard to take my eyes off the girl as she jumps from one foot to the other, anticipating her entrance.
“Oh that’s Kyra Cooney-Cross! She’s Australian, she transferred at the start of the season. Jonas should play her more.” I acknowledge her words with a hum and a nod before we join in cheering Viv and Kyra on.
My eyes are glued to Kyra the rest of the game. Without any knowledge of how football works, I’m left to assume she’s good with the way she dances around players and passes the ball. It was weird, but her movement was so free flowing it would not be atrocious to confuse her with a ballerina. Elegant and calculated, no hesitation.
~
“Where are we going?” my pinky is once again linked with Elena’s as I drag her and Camilo through Emirates.
“Papa where is she going? The exit is that way.”
“I have no clue chica, but I suppose we should trust her aye?” with that, the father-daughter duo track behind me.
Eventually I stop just where the opening of the tunnel leads out on to the pitch and show a lady the pass I’d been carrying around all day. She smiles and begins walking down the tunnel, waving behind her as a sign for us to follow.
“What’s going on?” Elena asks once again, but I just follow the lady onto the pitch, where multiple members of the Arsenal squad are now loitering around, obviously waiting for something, or someone. At the front of the group is Viv, and when she spots the small girl behind me her eyes light up.
“Hi! You must be Elena. We’ve heard a lot about you!” she sends the girl a smile, but Elena doesn’t make any move to continue the conversation. My head whips to her and I nearly have to laugh from how adorable she is. Her jaw has dropped open and her eyes are welling up with tears, so I ruffle her hair and bend down to her height, removing my headphones.
“What’s up buttercup?” I lightly tap her head.
“That’s really her.” she whispers to me, her eyes not leaving the Dutch woman, who lets out a chuckle.
“Yes it is.”
“How?” I tap the side of my nose at her question indicating it’s to be left a secret.
“Can I have a hug?” Viv kneels on one knee and opens her arms and Elena suddenly breaks lose from her trance and runs up to her hero.
“It’s nice to meet you liefje, I hear you’ve been a fan for a long time. And today’s your birthday. How old are you turning?”
“Nine!”
“Oh wow, you’re growing up!”
“I know, but Y/N still calls me Pollito. I’m not a little chicken.” Everyone looking on bursts out laughing as Elena frowns, and while I join them, the loud sound simply reminds me of the lack of protection on my ears.
~
Elena gets whisked off to talk and play around with Viv and some of the other girls, who seem to all have taken a genuine liking to the young girl, Camilo following to watch over them. I stand firmly on the sidelines, fidgeting with an infinity cube and trying to forget the sudden scratching of my hoodie’s tag on the back of my neck and the tightness of my socks, when a now familiar face pops in front of me.
I don’t notice her at first, my eyes are closed and I’m trying breathing patterns in hopes that the overstimulating sensations with dissipate. It’s only when I open my eyes to check on Elena that I get the shock of my life. Number 32 is just standing in front of me, staring, waiting for me to notice her. no less than a minute ago she’d been spinning Elena around and laughing with her, which I’d found alarmingly adorable, how’d she get here so fast?
She doesn’t say anything, she just smiles and waves, and I realise she must think I can’t hear her with my headphones on, which many people tend to ignore. Wow she’s much prettier up close.
“Hi, I’m Y/N” I return her smile, but don’t make any move to remove the headphones.
“I’m Kyra.” Her voice is muffled but her accent is incredible and like music to my ears.
“You played really well today.” Is she blushing? Red creeps up her neck and finds home on her round cheeks as she smiles brightly.
“Ah thanks, I try to give it my all. Hoping to prove I deserve more game time.”
“You don’t get played often?” another chuckle passes her lips and I feel my stomach tighten.
“Uh no. I take it you’re not a big football fan?”
“What gives you that idea.”
“Well rocking up to an Arsenal game with blue nails for a start.” I cock my head to the side and give her a confused look. I did a lot of research for today, there was no room for me to mess up.
“Chelsea, our biggest rivals, their colour is blue. It’s basically forbidden for an arsenal fan to wear blue to a game. Trust me, I learnt the hard way.”
I’m quick to hide my hands in the pocket at the front of my hoodie, fidgeting with my nails. How did I manage to fuck that up?
“You don’t really have to worry, just maybe keep it in mind if you ever come to another game. I hope you do by the way.” She flashes me a smile that makes me feel warm and I can’t help myself.
“You’re very pretty.” She’s about to reply when I glance down and notice her socks are still wrong.
“And I’m not sure if you know but your socks are on the wrong feet.” It’s quiet for a moment and I’m not sure if my common candour has once again overstepped. I can’t even open my mouth to apologise before she giggles.
“I knew there was something wrong. I keep doing it but no one tells me until after the game… and you’re quite beautiful yourself. If you don’t mind me saying.” My eyes continue to avoid her face as I bounce on the balls of my feet and try to refrain from shaking my hands, my most common stim.
“Thank you.”
We’re silent for a minute or so, which I don’t mind now that I’m more familiar with her. I continue to watch Elena and Camilo, who are now playing in a 5v5, Viv carrying the girl halfway down their makeshift pitch before helping her kick the ball. When her laughs echo through the stadium, joy breaking through her screams and from the yells of her dad who is playing a rather poor referee, I’m reminded of how much I love this family. I can’t help the smile on my face.
“Your sister is very adorable.” I glance to my side where Kyra now resides and contemplate telling her she isn’t my sister, but the words get stuck in my throat. If I were to say they weren’t my family after all they’ve done for me, then I’d be lying.
“Yeah. She’s basically my whole life.”
“Hey can I ask about the headphones? I mean you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want but-“
“I’m autistic. Struggle really bad with sound and other stimulants. I wear headphones to dampen sounds, especially in public. And stadiums are full of sounds.” My palms sweat a little and my breath is laboured for a moment. This is usually the part where people decide I’m a freak and never talk to me again.
“Oh cool. I totally get that, the sound thing.” That warm feeling returns. She doesn’t question anything, she just agrees.
~
Eventually the meet and greet had to end, but I manage to get a few of the girl’s numbers, including number 32’s. Something I hadn’t expected was that the team would love Elena so much that they wanted to organise season tickets and some more passes to meet up after home games. I couldn’t help but be a little proud of myself as the young girl rambled about how amazing it was to get to hang out with her idols, and the prospect of seeing them again.
~
Uni starts back up the following week, so I don’t join the two for a game for quite a while. Despite that, I find myself texting Kyra most days, a good morning and goodnight routine quickly being established. We ask each other questions about each other. ‘What did you want to be if football didn’t work out?’ ‘What made you want to study your course?’ ‘what’s your favourite thing about Australia?’.
She liked to ask me about parts of my autism every now and then. She wanted to know what things to avoid, what topics made me ramble for ages, safe foods. The only other people who had ever cared this much were Elena and Camilo. The two of which had definitely taken note of how happy I’d grown since the game.
“Who are you talking to Angelito? You haven’t smiled this big in a long time.” Camilo takes a seat beside me behind the desk of the store
There is no need to hide the blossoming relationship from him, so I turn my screen to show the messages between Kyra and I, a bold ‘No. 32’ under a very weird but unmistakable picture of the girl. He hums and smiles, lightly nudging our shoulders together.
“She likes you.”
“Pft no she doesn’t.”
“‘you’re so cute.’ ‘I really like you.’ ‘I’ll save that for when I take you on a date.’ With a winky face emoji. She literally admits she likes you. Twice.”
“I thought that was that flirty thing people do with their friends.”
“I know when people like each other.”
“How Milo?”
“I have a gift.”
“A gift hmm?” he just smiles widely down at me before taking my phone again. He begins to type something.
“What are you writing Milo? Milo!” I glance over his shoulder.
‘I really like you and would like to go on a date if you’re free.’ I’m about to scold him but three dots appear as Kyra begins typing.
“If this works you owe me an extra hour this week.”
“You are an evil schemer Camilo.” I say before squeezing his shoulder, a common sign of affection we’d developed.
‘I’d really like that. Tomorrow’s our day off if that works.’
I can’t help the squeal I let out as Camilo writes a response in confirmation.
“I’m going on a date.”
“You deserve this kiddo.”
~
Kyra and I agree on a dinner date at a restaurant I’d mentioned really enjoying a few months ago, that I hadn’t had a chance to visit since. I’d made the reservation, asking for the specific table I’d sat at the last time I came, and I’d already decided on what I was getting before I even hoped in the car to drive there.
I’d planned everything perfectly. The place, my outfit, what time I had to leave to arrive there 10 minutes before our agreed upon time. I hadn’t taken into account the car speeding through a red light and crashing into the car in the right lane beside me. Or the fact that due to the momentum I’d get caught between the 2 cars and the building on the corner of the street I was just about to turn down. No more than 15 metres from the restaurant but I’m trapped and the seatbelt is too tight and my head hurts. I’m crushed between my door and the centre console and all the sirens and ambulance lights approaching are too much and all I can do it cry.
If I could just reach my bag in the footwell of the passenger seat I could get my headphones to relieve some of the stimulation, but I can’t bend that way without my ribs screaming and whatever is poking my hip in my back making itself known.
I pray to every god I can name that I pass out, but no one hears as the jaws of life pry open my door. When were the other cars moved?
“Ma’am we have to cut you out. my colleague here is going to hold you up. Is that okay?” I don’t have any energy to say no, so I nod, waiting for some scissors to snip away at the seatbelt. Instead, I hear an electric saw whir to life.
“W- what’s the saw for?” my words are barely recognisable as they slur together.
“Ma’am everything is okay, just stay still for us okay?”
The sawing is over quicker than it begun, and the paramedics make an effort to move me as carefully as they can onto the stretcher, then into the ambulance. I make no move to complain about how the neck brace is itchy and feels suffocating.
A minute passes and through the newly developed ringing in my ears, I hear someone calling my name. they sound so far away but when I open my eyes again, Kyra is standing above me, next to the paramedic who’s hooking me up to monitors,
“Do you know this lady ma’am?” she asks me as I stare up at the girl I was meant to be on a date with.
“Yeah she’s my girlfriend.” A voice in the back of my head is worried that maybe that will freak Kyra out, but I know they won’t let her ride with me if we don’t have some close connection and for some reason friend does not cross my mind.
They allow her to take the extra seat beside me and she loops her pinky with mine. She keeps glancing down toward my stomach and taking deep breaths as we make our way down the streets of London. I try to see what she’s looking at but the brace doesn’t allow me to look that far down.
“You’re going to be okay.” She whispers as they roll me out of the ambulance, and she manages to quickly kiss me before I’m gone from view.
~
I don’t know how long I’m out for, but when I wake up there is a sterile white light beaming down on me and I have to instantly close my eyes. I’m quick to take note of the horrible feeling of the hospital gown I definitely wasn’t in when I’d gone under.
“Papa! She’s awake!” I let out a groan at the yell but and quick to smile once the voice registers in my head.
“Pollito.” My voice is no more than a whisper, hoarse and dry.
“Hey Angelito. How are you feeling.”
“Horrible. The light’s too bright and the gown is so itchy.” Neither Elena nor Camilo leave my side, but the light is off within seconds.
“I more meant physically. You were hit pretty hard.” The screeching of tyres, the smell of burnt rubber, the flashing lights, all rush back to me. So does the pain.
“Now that you mention it. What’s the damage?” it’s meant as a joke but I’m trying not to cry.
“3 broken ribs, 2 fractured, a torn vastus lateralis in your thigh, a lot of muscle damage in your back. It’s going to be a lot of physical therapy kiddo.” The thought has bile rising in my throat.
“Fuck me.”
“It’s okay, we’re going to be here the whole way. All of us.” By now I could know the voice in a crowd of people.
I turn my head and there she is. Kyra is sat in one of the uncomfortable hospital seats with her hand on top of mine.
“If it’s okay with you, Camilo, me and some of the arsenal girls are going to sort out a schedule to take turns helping you with PT. Viv was really hoping she could give some tips considering how long she spent doing PT.”
“That sounds perfect. But please tell me one of you has my pyjamas. I need to get out of this gown.”
~
There was no lie in how difficult rehab was. I had an hour appointment at the hospital every day and additional work at home that Milo, Kyra and some of the arsenal girls happily helped with. The hardest hurdle was amount of physical touch that was required. My physical therapist, Jordan, always made sure I knew when she needed to touch my leg or something, but that did very little to sooth the feeling that crawled beneath my skin. She was able to dim the fluorescent white lights and allowed me to wear my headphone which did help a small amount.
Kyra basically moved into my room above the shop. Milo insisted he could do all the work of getting me around the house and the shop, but we knew he couldn’t while maintaining the shop and looking after Elena. Elena tried her best to help by making me breakfast. She gathered pre-made versions of my safe breakfast food and carefully place them separately on a plate, with a glass of orange juice every morning. After the first week she realised I’d be in a wheelchair and struggling to move around much for much longer than she thought, so she quickly gave up on that idea and began making me penguin drawings at school.
I’d adapted to having Kyra around much quicker than I expected to. When I moved in at 17, it took me months to get used to the layout and the fact that I was alone, despite Camilo and Elena living in the house across the road. I adapted to Kyra’s presence within weeks.
After the second week we’d decided it was easier to share the bed rather than her sleeping on the couch, which had been the biggest change. I struggled with it the first few nights. I had a sleep routine that was already disrupted by the injuries, now I had to take another person into account. But she was so warm, and I felt so safe in her arms. Whenever I woke up from a nightmare about the crash, she grabbed me an iced tea and my headphones and would ramble about whatever interests she had recently developed or whatever was happening at training.
It was in the second month things took a more serious turn. Well serious for our relationship. I was sitting at the table chopping the vegetables for dinner while she begins cooking, when I took a minute to just look at her. The warm lighting softened her features, her quiet humming to whatever song was playing carried throughout the room, the smile that seemed to never leave her face sat perfectly on her lips as she listened to me ramble about the newly discovered yellow king penguin. She was so radiant and attentive, and she was never annoyed at me when I was overstimulated or wanted to infodump. She was seemingly unaffected by my rehab and most importantly unaffected by my autism. After a life full of negative interactions and losing people because of one thing I couldn’t control, I’d found a family and a partner who embraced me.
I didn’t realise I was crying until she turned and asked me what was wrong.
“I’m just grateful.”
“For what?”
“You, Milo, Elena. I love you all so much.” I didn’t realise I’d said it really. I was just being candid, as I always was.
“You love me?”
“Yes.” There was no hesitation even as it dawned on me.
“Well, I love you too.” There is a split second between the end of her sentence and the meeting of our lips in a kiss.
“Will you be my girlfriend?” I ask as we pull away.
“Wait- I thought- when you called me your girlfriend on the ambulance I kind of took that as you asking me to be your girlfriend.” She begins laughing.
“What? This whole time I’ve been nervous about actually asking you and you already thought I had?” I can’t help but join her laugh.
“We’re such fools.” She whispers, and we kiss again.
I'll always be a fool for her.
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