#something was always gonna go wrong because everything has already gone wrong before the story even started

[nefelibatat]

If Arcane was going to show us a “perfect world”, an alternate universe where Zaun never sunk (which is already a thing btw!) makes infinitely more sense than implying that Vi's death would fix classism somehow.

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

Transcript of Shelby's Video:

CW: Abuse

:readmore:

Hello! I don't know if you can even hear it, I put on, like, light jazz in the background because it seemed awkward being quiet, but I don't think you can hear it, so I'm just gonna turn it off. Um, hello! Um, welcome! We are in emote only because I'm just gonna be talking today, and then I'm gonna go! I'm gonna go!

Um, yeah, it was very, very low. There's, there's no need. I just, it felt weird leaving you in silence, but I'm here, so — Hello! Um, I want to talk about something today that, um, very nervous. I feel sweaty. I had a sweater on, I had to take it off. Um, I'm gonna try and just, I wrote down pretty much everything I think that I want to say to keep track of, sort of all the points that I want to make sure I don't forget anything. So I will be reading from something, um, a good portion of the time, but not 100 percent of the time. Um, and I just wanted to make sure I got all of my thoughts down in words ahead of time. I'm, I really like writing down my thoughts. So I did that.

Um, oh, hold on. Can I turn ads off? I think that maybe we turn ads off today. How do I make that happen for just today? Um. Shoulda had that already. I shoulda had that already. I actually don't even know how to make that happen. You know what? That's just gonna have to be that way. I'm so sorry.

Um. I'm all good. Um, yeah, okay. Today's just gonna be talking. Uh, I'm just gonna start reading from what I wrote, and go from there.

I have a really big coffee, I'm gonna take a swig. And I have my water, and I'm gonna take a swig of that.

I have always liked telling my different experiences that I've had, um, in dating because it feels important to me to share what I've learned and maybe help other people to not make the same mistakes that I have before. I'm 30. I've dated a lot. I've gone on a lot of dates. I keep trying, um, and it's unfortunate that a lot of my dating history, uh, there were a lot of bad people that tried to manipulate or control me, um, but that's not to say that every person that I've dated has treated me poorly. Um, some people just weren't the right people.

Um, and speaking out about my bad experiences has never felt as important as it does right now because silence has always brought me peace. And this time it feels like my silence is not keeping my peace. It's only keeping somebody else's peace. Um, and I never thought that I could be the kind of person to end up in a situation like I did. I'd never thought that could happen to me.

And so for me, this is important because it could help anybody else see the signs sooner than I did. Um, or hopefully avoid a similar situation entirely. Because the, the truth is it was dangerous. Um, there were a lot of things wrong in this relationship that, um, I endured some pretty terrible treatment. Um, and I might touch on some things here and there about that. But, um, if I feel like it's important to the overall context. But what I want to stay focused on is this specific issue, um, and the things that happened matter-of-factly and the things that people saw and witnessed in our circle.

Um, it took me 10 months after to heal. And I spoke with multiple therapists and tried different forms of therapy. Um, I tried somatic therapy. That one was actually really good for me. Um, because that one actually helped me release a lot of, um, built up anger I was having over the last year. Um, but the anger that I was feeling was for myself because, um, I felt like I should have known better.

I felt so stupid at myself for, um, sort of just staying through all of this. Um, and I shared my story with a lot of friends after I started talking to therapists and I was like "So, this thing happened ... and I wasn't really sure ... It just seems weird now to me looking back," and all of them told me exactly what was happening in the words that I was too afraid to use.

Um, and I was being hurt in my last relationship. And it took me all of that time to see it through that lens. Um, I even posted an anonymous story to Reddit that I have now deleted with an anonymous account. But in posting that, I found a dozen other stories that were exactly like mine, exactly the same way. Um, and all of the comments said exactly the same thing.

Um, and I was so mad at myself because I was lying to, um, at a certain point to protect this person, because I knew that if I told my friends the truth, it'd make him look really bad. Um, I didn't think that I would cry and I practiced saying all of this and I didn't cry, but it's easier to practice it when no one is listening.

Um, but he always cared more about how it looked and that was really important, not what was true. Um, and it was really subtle. When I hear about, um, when I hear about physical abuse, I think of hitting. I think of hitting and punching, um, so I thought that this wasn't violent enough, um, to be abuse. Uh, I thought that it was just like a constant accident that he kept hurting me. Um, but he's not hitting me and it didn't start as something that he did to hurt me.

Uh, he had this habit of biting, which is so weird to me now, but he said that he had had this habit since he was a kid. And even his mom said that that was true. And he said it was just affectionate and that that might have been — I mean, I think that that might have been true, maybe, at the start, but I also feel that I have good reason to believe that every part of it was a lie, but that's just my personal opinion, um, and I had no problem with just biting, that isn't even the most uncommon thing, um, but he did mention something early that I should have taken as a red flag, um, and he wanted to make sure that I was okay with him biting me because he didn't want me to come back later and say that he abused me. Which I thought was really weird considering he had never hurt me before. And so why would I call it abuse? And why was he thinking about that? And I thought he was being sweet, checking on me to make sure that I was still comfortable. Um, but of course I was because he hadn't hurt me. And why would I think he ever would?

Um, and then he did, for the first time, by accident, uh, and I don't specifically remember the actual first time that he bit me too hard by accident, because I didn't think that it would be significant, um, I thought that it would only happen once, and he started biting me more and more over a period of time, sort of throughout the whole relationship, and accidents of him biting too hard and really hurting me happened more and more frequently, um, but he always seemed genuinely sorry, and he decided that he didn't want to keep accidentally hurting me, um, so we were gonna use a safe word, um, so he could learn where my limit was, where my pain tolerance ended.

Uh, and saying that out loud now doesn't sound — Like, that's not very sound logic. Um, but at the time, I thought he cared about not hurting me. But in reality, it's like, why are you biting so hard? And why do you have to bite so hard? And it shouldn't be that hard of a problem to stop. Um, that shouldn't be that hard.

And he disguised it as this really quirky part of our relationship and was so comfortable sharing it with his friends to the point that he would do it in front of them. He thought it was this really funny story to tell and a good bit to take my arm and bite me in front of everybody until I literally shout in pain. Um, and then I have to laugh it off because I'm so embarrassed and I don't want to cause a scene in front of all of our friends and I'm sure everyone was a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as I was saying that it was fine, nobody really felt like they needed to be concerned and that's not anybody's fault because I was lying. I was lying and it wasn't fine because I would go home later and I'd tell him how uncomfortable I was. How much I didn't like being hurt all the time and I needed him to really stop biting so hard. I didn't like it and I tried telling him over and over again because he wasn't actually trying at all to not hurt me, um, but he said he would try, at first, and then he started saying things like it was my pain tolerance that was too low, or I'm exaggerating how much it actually hurts. He's not even biting that hard. I'm, I'm being dramatic. Um, but his biting escalated to a point where I was covered in bruises all over my arms and they hurt and he would poke at them for fun. And he even felt so comfortable showing off my bruises that he had caused to our friends because he would bite me so hard by accident, "by accident." He would even joke that it looked like he abused me. Um, and eventually he did acknowledge how bad it looked that I was covered in bruises all the time. So he stopped, um, biting my arms as often. And he started biting my legs instead. Um, and it was in the last couple of months of the relationship that every time he bit me, it was until I needed to use this safe word. Um, it had become his benchmark for when to stop.

Only once I was definitely hurt, um, which meant I was being hurt every single day, um, multiple times a day, uh, for all of the days that we spent together in person. And when I asked him to stop again, this time he said, "This is who he is. He isn't going to change." Those were his words. And I remember a lot of, specifically his words about certain things, especially at the end.

Um, because I'm good at remembering words and especially his wording. I became really good at remembering because he was constantly contradicting himself. And I would notice, but most of the time it wasn't worth picking a fight over. And — But he would fight me on it sometimes 'cause I would po- I would point it out and, uh, he would insist that he had never said the thing that he said, he definitely did say. And then he would say something like, "How are you so sure you're remembering correctly? Why are you always right?" Um, and he definitely said the things that I heard him say and other people heard him say.

So, he had, now at this point, weaponized the safe word and was using it to ensure that I was hurt and on a constant basis. And he wasn't sorry anymore. Um, I couldn't even tell you the last time he had apologized for doing it anymore because now sometimes he would bite me and I would yell out the safe word because it hurts so bad and he'd clamp down even harder and, just for a second, just for good measure, before letting go and sometimes I'd say the safe word and he'd grind his teeth down on my skin and sometimes he'd smile after, um, like a gloating grin?

And during this time I was filled with so much anxiety all the time that I was constantly nauseous. Gagging daily, um, on occasion throwing up because of the pit that was in my stomach. I never told him about that though. I was going and running away quietly to throw up in the toilet and rejoin our group of friends.

Um, but I felt so unwanted and ignored. Um, and I would tell him that and then he would reassure me that he wanted to be together and he loved me. He loved me more than I loved him, even. He would always insist that that was true, like the, "I love you." "I love you more," but he was like, really serious about it.

Um, and looking back, I do believe that the way I was swept off my feet at the beginning of this relationship was 100 percent love bombing. Um, and we were friends for a time. Um, at least people would have thought that, actually, but I use the word friend very loosely because, um, we had actually never spoke to each other outside of group chats we were in together when, like a handful of times throughout the, the whole time that we knew each other, um, but did not talk to each other.

So I wouldn't have even called him my friend until he found out I was single, waited a few weeks to reach out, and then we started a friendship and then that friendship turned romantic and then he made these huge romantic gestures. He wrote me the most beautiful love letter that I had ever read. Um, he called me his soulmate. He talked about "forever" one month in. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship in five years. He thought he could never find love again before he met me. He said he wanted someone to grow with. He wanted to be a dad. He had all his names picked out and I didn't have a preference because I — My feeling of it is that the timing is right and with the right person, I could, um, but if that doesn't work out in time or the time, you know, I, I'm not super pressed about it. Um, but I started opening my mind up to the idea with him because it seemed so important to him. And I kept trying to talk to him to figure out where he was, later on, when I could tell things like, were declining.

And, um, now all of a sudden he's telling me he's not sure he wants kids at all. In fact, he has never been attached to the idea of kids. Um, and I told him that isn't what he said before, and he said he's allowed to change his mind. And I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, there are a few things that you are not actually allowed to change your mind without letting your partner know.

I think that kids is one of them. It wasn't even important to me. Um, and I think marriage is one of them, so I brought that up next. And I asked if he still wanted marriage. He said he wanted to marry me. And then he said, now, "I'm not the co-" quote, "I'm not the commitment guy. You know that."

I didn't know that.

Why are you dating me?

In fact, he was telling me the exact opposite every day. Uh, he would tell me he still wanted to be together. He wanted to work on all of the problems. He wanted to, like, he wanted me at the end of everything. He did not want to break up. He made that very clear. And uh, I have though, caught him in lies before, but usually it was small stuff and I, again, I didn't want to, it wasn't anything that ever seemed worth rocking the boat over, uh, which isn't normal for me.

I hate lies. Um, and yet I ended up lying for him. So, uh, but he had lied about big things and he had also been caught lying by his friends numerous times. So this is something that he feels is acceptable to do. And everything reached a breaking point when he was about to leave for an extended period of time.

We were not going to see each other very much, a few days out of every few months, um, and now suddenly he is dumping all of these problems that he has been having feelings about all of this time later. Um, at one point he said he's been feeling this way a couple of months. At another point, he says he's been feeling this way for six months, immediately contradicting him- contradicting himself in the same conversation.

And with no time to do anything about it. I arrived — the one of — Never mind. I'm gonna get to something later, but I literally arrived for three days for this conversation to happen and then leave. Um, my cat just woke up and she's not usually awake right now — Hi, my love. It's really close to her dinner time. I should have fed her early.

Um, so no time to fix any of the problems all the sudden because there are three days before he leaves and he insisted he did not want to break up. He, and so, he was expecting me to have a solution somehow, magically, and I gave a number of solutions that would have a way forward for us to be together, but he refused to make any compromise, um, whatsoever.

And he said that "the relationship was starting to feel like a responsibility," towards the end. Also his words. Um, so it wasn't a responsibility the whole rest of the time to him. And he was at this point, basically flaunting that he would never prioritize me over anything. Um — she's eating my laundry. Please don't cause problems. — Um, and I wasn't even asking for literally even the bare minimum. I was asking for so little and he — I was watching him give exactly what I was needing in the relationship all over the place to anybody else who, who just happened to ask and just wasn't me. So, um, and he also, he was never going to prioritize me over anything that would give him more fame or money.

In fact, he said that himself. He, uh, that was exactly why he was not going to compromise at all for a solution for us to be together. Because he said he wanted to see how much fame and money he could get. Um, and I just thought we wanted to be together. I thought that's what we both wanted, because that's what he was still saying he wanted to.

Um, but then he also admitted to me that he had grown resent- uh, he had grown to resent me. And I have to be thankful that he said that bit out loud. A lot of these bits he said out loud. Because that was the last push that I needed to get myself out.

He had grown resentful, which I also pointed out that there was no reason. Like, there was no reason to feel that way and he admitted that there was no reason for him to feel that way either. I think that it was because I'm someone who can communicate how I feel. Um, but, I don't know, I think, there, I have a lot of theories and reasons why I believe things happen the way that they did and why he was lying all of the time.

Um, but, he was "resentful" of me, was causing me physical harm every day, multiple times a day, despite me telling him over and over again to stop. He wasn't going to change, and he wasn't going to end the relationship. He was going to keep hurting me, and it was possibly going to escalate even further. So I broke up with him.

And I didn't even want to. Um, because I couldn't even see for such a long time after, um, what it really was that had happened. That he had abused me. And, in fact, we left things as, we want to be friends, and he can never imagine not speaking to me again. Um, and then he never spoke to me again. Uh, outside of like a couple of exchanges where I needed to ask for my clothes to be shipped, um, so at least I got my clothes back, uh, I had a whole closet full.

However, uh, he did throw away all of my other things, uh, without saying a word to me about it. Hundreds of dollars of things from my office were trashed without a word, and I didn't block him till ten months later because I wanted an open door still. I really thought I wanted to be his friend. Um, but, uh, I don't feel that way anymore.

I do believe he was bottling up so many emotions, uh, and he would never talk about how he felt. Um, I, I think he even, I mean, he did admit that he felt like he couldn't say it any sooner. Like, there was just no possible way to say how he was feeling sooner than the absolute last possible chance. Like, not even a chance, because three days before he left, that was actually a lie too, also.

He didn't leave for another week after I left. He, he brought me in, had this three day conversation, he was supposed to leave, and then he stayed for another week before he left, uh, with all of the friends that I was also meant to see, but he had lied to me about the dates too.

Um, but I do believe that there, uh, that he was bottling up so many emotions that he was taking it out on me physically. I believe there was a moment where he knew that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and instead of just ending it, he tried to push me away any way he knew would hurt me. And he knew all of the ways that would hurt me the most. And he knew he was hurting me. There was no way that he didn't know because of the safe word that he made.

Uh, and he just didn't care. He was hurting me and he didn't care. And even looked like he was enjoying it, sometimes. Um, and I can look back now and I can see all these instances that were really major red flags. Um, there was this one time that he pinned me down and asked me to try my absolute hardest to get him off of me.

And I couldn't do it, obviously. And he said something to make the point that he was so much stronger than me that I wouldn't be able to fight him back. Fight back against what? What do you mean? You don't say shit like that to people? That's insane. Um, and I was also sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend, and he knew that.

Um, he had stopped giving anything to the relationship, and he said that why was because he "was just waiting for things to change on their own." Um, he said he also "didn't have the time or energy anyway to do the things that I was asking for." Um, but then would constantly make any bit of time and energy for anybody and anything but me.

Uh, and he would say he wanted more quality time, so then I would try to arrange things for us to do online because we were, uh, long distance, but then he would complain that he doesn't want to spend all of his time on the computer anymore. Uh, and then we'd be there in person and all he wants to do is stay inside, play games on his computer, watch movies. He doesn't want to go out.

Um, and I'm not saying any of this next part to be mean, um, he lived in filth like I have never seen, and I've seen filth. This was the worst. Uh, he would spill things on the floor and never, literally never clean them up. Uh, he got an ant infestation once, um, and wasn't going to do anything about it because he said, he said "Bugs are normal in British houses," um, so I had to buy Antkiller. And he wouldn't clean his bathroom for months, and months, and months, but would constantly complain about how bad it smelled, and I would tell him, that's mould. It's mould. He complained about being tired all the time too, which I don't know if that was a lie or not, but mould will do that too.

But he would insist that it wasn't, somehow, without having cleaned in months. But it's not mould. Um, when I met him, he was washing his clothes without detergent. Um, just, he wasn't using that at all, and I don't know for how long before I met him. He was just running it with water and then hanging it on his filthy kitchen cabinets.

Um, and I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt like he needed someone to help him learn how to be cleaner. I thought he just didn't know how and I listened to all of the struggles of his upbringing and I was like, "He just doesn't know how. Someone just needs to show him." Um, and then I found out that he said he doesn't clean at all when I'm not there because he just waits for me to get there to do it.

Um, and I only found out about that after we broke up because he said it behind my back. Uh, I was doing all of the cleaning and laundry for him. Also, I had a separate bathroom. I want to make that clear. I wasn't using that bathroom. I had a separate bathroom that I cleaned for myself. I had cleaning supplies. I don't think he even actually knew I had cleaning supplies in there. Um, but I had my own bathroom.

Um, all the, all the cleaning, all the laundry. All of it. I was paying for. All of the, um, like paper towels, like soap, all of that only stayed in the house so long as I was buying it. Um, I would arrive and there would just not be toilet paper in the whole house. There were paper towels instead. And who knows for how long, too.

Um, I was paying for food more than half the time. Uh, because he would often push me into ordering food for us even if I had paid for the last meal, or the meal before that. Um, and I'm of the opinion now that I shouldn't have been paying for any food. Um, none at all, but I wanted to at least, I thought I was being equal by at least doing like a back and forth. Um, but, uh, I ended up paying for food more often than just going back and forth anyway. And he would do this to his friends all the time too. Um, but I was also paying for every plane ticket and the cat sitter, which cost roughly the amount of a plane ticket to England.

Um, and he never offered to help me pay after the couple of times he did come here to visit me because he paid for the flights that we would both take. Um, but that only happened twice at the very beginning. I have actually had a friend tell me that, that this is financial abuse, but I don't know enough about that to say for myself, but I was telling him that I couldn't afford it, uh, all by myself all the time because I was losing money. I was never able to work properly there and he wasn't traveling at all to see me anymore, even though he said he would. Uh, that was like the basis of our entire relationship starting off. Um, so then he agreed to pay for the cat sitter so that it would be basically paying half the cost of my travels. Um, and he did that once, and then never did it again, uh, despite many more months of dating.

Uh, and I was traveling often. Um, I had to. Because he was worried that we weren't spending enough quality time together. And then all of the time that he would have ever extra, he would choose, choose, to not spend it on me because there was an available choice and he chose not to spend it with me. Often.

Um, and I did everything short of just up and move there, which I was willing to do the whole time. And I told him that I was willing to do it and he knew, uh, but he insisted that I don't. He insisted not to. He was planning to move here. That was supposed to happen first.

Um, and then at the end of the relationship, he said, "Maybe things would have been different if I lived there." If I lived there. Uh, like I had said I would the whole time and he insisted I don't. Maybe that could have saved the relationship. Um, and I say all of this because I believe that people like this are genuinely dangerous. I believe he is dangerous.

Um, he was willing to lie. He was willing to do harm to someone he claimed to love more than anyone he has ever loved. Uh, his actions escalated, um, and I don't think that I'll be the last person that he hurts. Uh, and I felt like sharing my story was really important to warn people. Um, I want people to see the signs that I refused to.

I want you to listen to your body. Um, and get out as soon as possible. Tell your friends the truth and let them help you.

Um, I really thought I, I couldn't — Because I had been sexually assaulted in a previous relationship, I just thought I was so much smarter. To never — and I was like, "if someone ever laid their hands on me, I'd leave immediately. It would never happen a second time." But you, you just, it just kind of happened so slowly over time, and got worse, and worse, and worse, until the point where there's no way to deny the fact that he was hurting me and he knew, and, and didn't care.

That's just the kind of thing that I keep repeating to myself when I'm like, "But was it bad enough? What? It wasn't violent enough." Um, but I was being hurt multiple times every single day. Days, and days, and days, and days, for a month at a time in a row, uh, and I'm not even speaking on most, because I did touch on other things, but I am not even speaking on most of the other things that, in my opinion, I do think that there are some things that are across a line that make you a bad person.

I don't think that most people can be defined in a black and white, you're good or you're bad, but I do believe that there is a line that you can cross and only bad people will do the things on the other side of that line. You know what I mean? Um, and I watched a couple of things cross that line. And I just, I, I truly feel now that my soul is so healed.

Um, I am light years beyond him. Uh, this was the last thing that I felt like I needed to do — That's my cat. — Um, before I could move forward and hopefully never talk about him ever again. Outside of maybe my stories that I want to tell about other shitty things he did. Anonymously mixed in with the other stories I still have of shitty things that shitty exes did.

Because I think it's important for us to share our stories and our experiences. I think it's important for all of us to know that we deserve so much better than this. Um, and I think that if people don't want us to talk about the shitty things that they do, then they shouldn't do shitty things. Um, and this just felt so important to share.

I always wanted to share my experiences. I always will. Um, and that's kind of it. That's it. That's the end of everything I prepared. I reserve the right, uh, entirely to change my mind later and tell every story I want to, um, but for now that's all I really have, I feel like, from my soul, I want to speak on. Because I think that this can help other people.

I think that it can help other victims. Um, I have already talked to a number of — I only cry now when I'm talking about my friends! Who also dealt with such shitty things from shitty people. Um, but I'm also so, so grateful for all of my friends who were through, uh, with me through this whole thing. And my friends who also were experiencing similar, similar sorts of situations, um, at the same time, and we kind of went through it together. So, um, I think they are the strongest people in the whole world, and they made me feel like the strongest people in the whole world today. Did I call myself people? I meant person. I feel like the strongest people — I did it again. — I feel like the strongest person. They made me feel so brave. I felt impenetrable today. Um, but I am gonna go now because my friends are coming over and we're immediately gonna go become distracted by watching Love Is Blind. I already watched all of it already and I don't care.

So thank you, um, for listening. Thank you everyone who gifted subs. Um, um, I am going to be taking, uh, the rest of the week off from streaming. I have a video going out on Saturday and I'll be back next week and, uh, you won't hear about any of this again for a while, probably. But, uh, thank you all. I don't really even know what to do now. I think I'm just going to end. Um, go spread love all over the place on Twitch right now and I'll see you guys later. Bye.

Wilbur's response:

In the past week a series of allegations have been made over my conduct from an ex-girlfriend. I want to emphasise that, although I feel it fair to offer my perspective, this person's feelings are completely valid. I have taken my time sharing this statement as I wanted to process and respond respectfully and with the hope to gain a deeper understanding for the situation.

During our relationship's final months, I regrettably became slobbish, disrespectful, and selfish. These actions caused a lot of pain to my ex-girlfriend and I've since sought therapy to address these behaviours, making significant lifestyle changes to rectify my past actions. I have come to realise how much my past behaviour hurt this person, but I truly, compassionately believe I have made great strides from the person I once was and hope I can continue to grow and improve on this trajectory.

The allegation of abuse, particularly in the form of biting, deeply shocked me. Throughout our relationship, I understood from our numerous conversations and text message exchanges on the subject, that this behaviour was consensual, playful and reciprocally enjoyed. I truly believe those personal message exchanges reflect mutual affection and understanding. Out of respect for her, I choose not to publish them and I emphasise my perspective is not shared to diminish or invalidate anyone's feelings. Instead I share it in the hope that I can offer a genuine, fair and relevant insight into my understanding of the situation. While I may perceive our interactions differently, I recognise that this person has processed and expressed feelings of hurt. I want to extend my sincerest apologies for any pain that I caused.

I am fully committed to understanding and addressing her concerns going forward. I hope my perspective sheds light on this situation without detracting from its message. I am dedicated to earning and maintaining the trust of those around me and hope I continue to be held to these high standards I wish to attain and maintain.

- Will

Shubble's response:

i could not have imagined what i would wake up to today. my ex pretending he thought i enjoyed being hurt... and all of my friends immediately coming to my defense. The support has brought me to tears, i don't even know what to say. i'll be back, i'll just be taking a little time

and for the record, i don't accept the apology

[narcjsistx]

Hiii😋. I had this small idea of maybe an insecure Izana x gf reader. Maybe he is doubting her love all not knowing she is extremely touchstarved and would practically do anything for him. He is her first boyfriend and all and she aint gonna let him go by the long run. Already has a life planned with him in head.

Got inspired by a tiktok audio 😭. Heres a little scenario..

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Izana: Tries to break up with her because thinks she deserves someone better.

Everyone pauses as he says the words.

Y/n: Pauses midway as she was about to drag him out for their date. She looks at him wide eyed, her smile faltered a bit before returning back. What?...

Izana: You and me are over!

Y/n: Izana, did i do something wrong....?

Izana: I dont want to be with you anymore. You and me are over!

Y/n: ...You and me will never be over!!. Pulls out a gun and points it at him.

Tenjiku just watching it happen. Izana just stares bamboozled.

Y/n: You hear me. you my man!! And till death do us part. Looks at him now frowning , the soft aura around her gone.

Izana: We aren't even married- Yet

Y/n: You my what !!?. She interrupted him and points gun at him.

Izana: Im your man...

Y/n: Until when!!?

Izana: Till death do us part...whispers quietly.

Y/n: Puts the gun away and gentle cuddly aura comes back. Izana lets go on our date now. And Reminder, im never letting you go, i love you and i dont plan on stopping.

Izana just trying to process what happened.

GUYS HELP, out of curiosity I started wind breaker (tokyo revengers always superior without a doubt) and I strangely liked it to the point of developing a small obsession for Suo... I was even thinking of opening requests to the anime characters too. Anyway, thanks for the request!

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

— Where do you think you're going?

Izana sat on the park bench, hands in his jacket pockets as he stared hard at the ground beneath him. The sun was setting, turning the sky orange and pink. The autumn leaves fluttered lightly around him, and the noise of the city in the distance was muffled by the soft rustle of dry leaves under his feet. Despite the beauty of the moment, his heart was heavy, gripped by thoughts that he couldn't shake. He had always had a strong personality since he was a child, however, lately he had been feeling a little weak. This annoyed him

He was 18, but he felt like a scared child faced with something too big for him. He had spent the last few weeks reflecting on his relationship with Y/n, a girl of only 16 who seemed to have everything under control when it came to the two of them. She was confident, determined, and loved him with a passion he couldn't quite understand. When he first met her, he was struck by her energy and infectious laugh. She was like a ray of sunshine in his life, a light that illuminated every dark corner of his heart. But the more time passed, the more Izana felt overwhelmed by that feeling. He couldn't shake the idea that, sooner or later, he would get tired of her, that their story would end in an emotional catastrophe

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't immediately notice Y/n approaching. She walked as light as a ghost, her footsteps almost imperceptible on the gravel path. When she finally saw him, sitting there, still as a statue, her heart filled with joy. It must be said that the girl also had a rather particular behavior: she had just come out of a toxic relationship when she met Izana, and the more the two became fond of each other, the more her crush turned into an suffocating obsession

"Izana!" she called softly, sitting next to him. He felt a slight shiver run down his spine at the sound of her voice. She was so sweet, so confident. How could she be so sure of them when he constantly felt on the edge of a precipice?. Y/n watched him carefully, immediately sensing that something was wrong. She had learned to read every little nuance of his expressions, every little change in his tone of voice. She loved him so much that every turmoil he had became hers too

"Everything is fine?" she asked, moving closer to him and intertwining her fingers with his. Izana looked down at their joined hands: hers were larger, robust, while her fingers were thin and delicate "Are you already thinking about our future children? One will be called Yukiko, I warn you" says the girl giggling, resting her head on her boyfriend's shoulder "Yeah, everything's fine" he lied, knowing she wouldn't believe it for a second

“Izana, you don't have to lie to me” Y/n said, her tone firmer "If there's anything bothering you, you can tell me. We're a team, remember?". A team. Those words hit Izana like a punch in the stomach. She saw him as part of a team, as half of a whole. But he felt alone, as if he couldn't bear the weight of that relationship alone

“Y/n, I... I don't know how to tell you” he began searching for the right words. But how could he tell her that he was scared of what he felt? That he feared he wasn't enough, that he couldn't keep the promises she expected? Damn, for 18 years he had never had any character problems, he had even killed someone as a child! Why had he become a fucking wimp with this girl?

She looked at him with eyes full of concern, but also of unconditional love "Izana, whatever it is, we can face it together" she told him, squeezing his hand even tighter "I love you, and nothing will change that". Those words pierced his heart, she said them so easily, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. But for him, love was something complex, a labyrinth in which he was lost right now. Izana felt the lump in her throat tighten even more. How could she be so sure? How could she love him so much, when he couldn't even love himself enough?

Y/n occupied his every thought, every breath, and he didn't know if the feeling was a blessing or a curse. Despite his doubts, he couldn't say no to her. She was his weakness and he hated himself for it. Izana felt her body tense for a moment, but then his arms automatically moved to hold her close. It was a familiar gesture, one he had done a thousand times before, but this time it was a little bit different. Y/n was completely obsessed with him, she loved him with an intensity that scared him. Every time he looked in the mirror, he saw a normal boy, full of flaws, and he couldn't understand how he could be the object of so much love from that pretty, and a few bratty, girl

Izana took her hands, noticing how cold and shaking they were "I... I don't know how to tell you, but I've been having a lot of doubts about us lately." Y/n stared at him, panic starting to rise within her "D-doubts? What kind of doubts?" her heart tightened in her chest, the fear she had always tried to stifle now making its way inside her “I'm not sure I'm the right person for you" Izana said, her voice barely above a whisper, “I don't know if I can be what you need, and I'm afraid I'll end up hurting you” Izana's words hit Y/n like a slap in the face, she felt the world collapsing around her and damned jealousy was eating her mercilessly "Izana, what are you saying?" she asked, desperately trying to hold back tears “I love you! Don't you understand? There's no one I want more than you. No one!”

Y/n clung to him, hands gripping his jacket as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded in reality “You will never disappoint me, Izana. Don't you understand that all I want is you?” Izana felt her heart break when she saw how desperate she was. His fear of hurting her was materializing right before his eyes "Y/n, I don't want to make you suffer" he said, his voice cracking with emotion "But I can't continue like this. I can't live with the constant fear that one day I'll hurt you"

Y/n shook her head, tears starting to fall down her cheeks "Izana, please don't do this. I'll be better, I won't ask you for anything anymore. Just stay with me!" the boy lowered his gaze "I... I need time" he said finally, withdrawing slightly from his embrace "I don't know what to do, but I can't give you false hopes". Y/n looked at him, heartbroken. Every word that came out of his mouth was like a stab. "Time? Izana, I don't need time, I need you! And you, damn it, you need me!" the girl shouts with a strength dictated only by jealousy and pure obsession

Izana no longer knew how to react, he turned around, unable to bear the weight of his gaze "Maybe you should go..." he advised, but the grip on his jacket only became stronger "I won't leave until you tell me that you love me and I'm everything for you! Do you really want to see Kakucho again or should I make him disappear for blackmail?" says the girl. Izana knew very well that she wasn't joking, she was capable of doing it and even doing worse, killing him if necessary

"Stop being a brat" says the boy trying to take her hands off his jacket, but the girl's well-groomed hands end up on his cheeks, forcing him to look her straight in the eyes "Izana, don't say these things... spouses they always have to give their best for each other, you know? I know you know, you're just confused, love" says the girl obsessively. The main problem is that Izana's weakness was precisely seeing her in these conditions, otherwise he would have already taken her off in a short time

"I hate you" the boy says, sighing, and then puts his hands on the girl's hips. Y/n relaxes her nerves, smiling at the boy "Say what I told you to say" she says loosening her grip on his face "I love you and you are everything for me" says the boy, wondering if his words are 100% sincere

The girl breaks away from him, gently resting her head on his chest. She was enormously satisfied with having made him the victim, she loved seeing him so weak for her "I love you and it will always be like this" the girl says, and Izana just runs a hand up and down her back to reassure her

[reidsluvva]

oblivion.

sypnosis. - spencer is saddened by y/n’s recent date. pairing. - spencer reid x fem!bau!reader content/warnings. - angst, bit of drinking, unrequited love but not rly, tons of miscommunication, elle’s story is very different, spencer has headaches even before s6 but timeline is just overall wonky, spencer is stupid

y/n’s phone lit up on the table, signaling a notification.

“hey y/n! who’s “alex”?” emily asked in a teasing tone. y/n buried her face in her hands as she let out a chuckle.

“emily it isn’t polite to look at other people’s phones! besides, it’s just a guy whom i went out with last week.” y/n said, her tone gradually becoming softer and quieter. the bau on the other hand, already kind of tipsy, started cheering.

their loud yells quickly filled the room. y/n has been in the bau for 4 years, but in the time they’ve known her she had always turned down every guy who ever asked her out, so this was quite exciting and unusual. derek was teasing her about being secretive, emily was talking about how she’s offended y/n didn’t tell her, jj and penelope were very impatiently asking for details, and hotch and rossi were just laughing. the only one who didn’t even say a word was spencer. he was sitting across from y.n. he just looked unfocused and disoriented, which was quite unusual. when emily glanced at him concerningly he just gave her a short smile.

after y/n told them some details (it really wasn’t much, they met at a park and he had a very pretty dog whom y/n complimented, thus they started chatting and eventually went out to a restaurant together) the room got a bit quieter, and gradually they shifted onto other topics. though spencer still wasn’t saying a word. he made eye contact w y/n, and as she was about to ask if everything is okay, spencer just got up and started going towards the door.

“hey hey what’s wrong?” penelope chimed towards him.

“nothing, i’m just dizzy so i’m going to get some fresh air.” he nodded, and shortly afterward left the room.

“i’m gonna check up on him, i have meds.” y/n said as she walked towards the door. the others just nodded, y/n has helped spencer with headaches before so this wasn’t out of the usual. but y/n felt incredibly anxious. she noticed the shift in spencer’s body language once the topic became her date. and she was confused.

she found spencer sitting on a bench in front of the house.

“hey, i got u algopyrin in case your head hurts? maybe it also helps with the dizziness.” she said as she sat down next to him, leaving about 6 inches between them. much to her shock, spencer didn’t react, instead he just shuffled away from her. she opened her eyes wide and stood up, facing him, full of concern.

“okay what’s wrong spencer?” she crossed her arms, signaling her shift in attitude. he just turned his head to the side. “oh come on, please talk to me!” she said, now sounding more desperate.

“why did you go out with him?” he mumbled.

“what?” she furrowed her brows. she wanted confirmation that she heard him correctly.

“why did you go out with him?” he said, now louder and facing y/n. he was looking at her like she’d just stabbed him in the back.

“why shouldn’t i have gone out with him? i’m confused.” she said, now lowering her arms to the side, a million thoughts racing in her head. does he know something about alex? or does spencer not want her to go out with others because he likes her? no, no, logically that couldn’t be the case.

“be-because y/n, you just shouldn’t. you should know better.” he huffed.

“what the hell are you talking about spencer?” she said, her tone now a bit louder.

“what did he do better? was he better looking? i know i have flaws, i know i’m weird, but-”

“what?” she practically yelled. “reid are you saying you wanted to go out with me?”

“yes, y/n, obviously! for a very very long time, and i think i’ve been very clear.”

“oh cut the crap spencer. i have been waiting on you for four years. you can’t suddenly decide u want me as soon as i get with someone else. four years spen-”

“no you haven’t, what?” his voice was like a whisper. he was genuinely confused but to her he just seemed cocky.

“you can’t be serious. i waited on u for FOUR years, and you know what you did? after two years of me hopelessly admiring you, which i am sure as a profiler you did not fucking miss, not that i was so subtle about it, you decide to have a little makeout sesh with some random actress you literally met like a few days prior. you know how invaluable i felt? and how just utterly stupid i felt? and then you go and ignore me for a month, refusing to even stand next to me. was that you being ‘very clear’? i felt so, so dumb, because for a while i really did think you liked me, spencer. and then for another two years all i listened to was elle talking my ear off about how much she liked you. i listened to her gush about every special interaction of yours, your plane rides where she would sleep on your shoulder. and me being the idiot i am, i still couldn’t let go of you. like a stupid little girl wanting to live in a fantasy.”

at this point she noticed her words were somewhat nonsensical, but by now solely her emotions fueled her. her voice was wobbly and her eyes became red. she felt way too sober for someone who’s just had three glasses of red wine.

“and then, she tells you how she feels, which i, as stupid as i am encouraged her to do, because why on earth wouldn’t you wanna go out with elle goddamn greenaway? she’s practically perfect! then you pull up with your little speech about how dating in the bau isn’t allowed, and then i realized- i am stupid. why would spencer reid want anything to do with me? we are colleagues, that’s it. we aren’t even allowed to date, even if you wanted to. you contacted me maybe twice outside of work since lila- so i can help with your headaches. that’s it. how exactly was that you signaling your feelings? this had always been purely a work relationship and i’ve grown to accept that. especially when elle left. i did not want us to end up like that so i finally, after four years, moved on with my life and now you decide to get all butthurt on me because i went out with a guy? after ruining myself over you for four years? you never even remotely said anything! am i supposed to pause my life waiting for you forever? oh you are such a piece of shit!”

her sadness turned to anger during the end of her speech. spencer was shocked.

“no, no, no, i didn’t know. i’ve always liked u y/n. i’m sorry. we could make it work. i could transfer if the bau doesn’t allow us to. please. it wasn’t like that with lila. it’s always been you about you.” her heart ached at his words.

“don’t do this to me spencer, please. and please for the sake of our jobs forget this ever happened.” she said as she made eye contact with emily standing in the doorway. “i’m gonna go home, go back to the others.” she said as she tossed the algopyrin to him and walked away.

spencer was left dumbfounded. he just sat there, staring at her walking away, before flinching at a sound next to him.

“what did you expect?” the woman next to him sighed. he stayed silent.

-------

HI :') my first piece. idk if i'll ever post again but yuh this was personal fr

[homuraakemis]

Watching Dark reactions on Youtube really exemplifies why the characters in the show kept believing they could change things. The show keeps hammering again and again that everything is a loop, that everything is determined, that doing things in the past is not gonna change the future, because for the future to happen the way it did, those things had to have happened in the past. That in order for you to be in a position to go back in time to try changing this, the past had to have happened as it already has, because otherwise you wouldn't have gone back in time to try and change things in the first place. That even when you think you are outsmarting things, that you are doing things differently, it's always going to be what always happened. The show keeps telling us that time is not linear, that past, present and future happen all at the same time and are all fixed, that it's all a chain of cause and effect.

And yet the viewers in the reactions I'm watching, very much like the characters, keep believing that things are going to change, and keep getting confused when they don't change. Every time a character goes back in time, they keep worrying that there's going to be a butterfly effect, that the characters are changing things and when they return the future will be different, that the characters are going to start to disappear in the future, etc. They keep wondering why the characters don't just act in a different way, without realizing that their desires and motivations drive them to act that way, and that even if they acted in a different way, then that way would have been the way that it was always meant to happen. They keep thinking that this thing or that thing we are seeing are happening for the first time, that something "changed", that it wasn't like that "last time", or that maybe this character tried this before and didn't work so this cycle they are trying something different, not realizing that this is not how the loop works.

People keep mocking the characters in Dark for being stupid and not getting how the time travel works, but what I've been seeing from the reactions I'm watching is that most people really don't get it, the notions presented in the show are counterintuitive for a lot of them, especially if they are used to other time travel stories where things change when you do something in the past. If viewers who are constantly being given all this information (sometimes presented as very obvious exposition monologues) still manage not to get it, I really can't blame the characters for not realizing that everything is a loop, that they are just doing the same thing they've always done, especially considering that they don't have half the information that the viewers have, and the viewers still manage to get it wrong.

[spookberry]

Manga review cuz I was feeling irritable:

Kaoru Hana wa Rin to Saku

Its getting an anime in 2025 which looks like it has potential to be very Pretty but like i Do Not get why people like this manga. Like its a romance but the romance is the blandest part of the story.

You know whats ACTUALLY interesting and good?? The friendships.

Like oh my god main girl, Kaoruko, has nothing going on except for being a word of encouragement when main guy needs it. Literally made in a lab to be cute and be in the right place at the right times to push him along his path a little faster than he would've gone without her. Otherwise every beautiful and sweet and meaningful move in his character arc is actually entirely because and FOR his friends!!! Which is annoying in a feminist way, but I'd be willing to give em some leeway cuz Rintaro is the main character its his pov so obvi we arent gonna get glimpses into her inner world if he isnt.

But!!!! My main problem is the other characters in the story ascribe everything he does as her good influence on him which is like blatantly untrue????

He changes and becomes a better person and learns to communicate specifically to show his friends he cares about them the way they care about him. The FIRST thing he ever truly talks to her about is how he is putting more effort into this test because if he passes it means he gets to hang out with his friends and how hes anxious about it cuz hes Never Cared About doing well on tests before now like akckahsj. And yet everything gets turned around like "wow im so glad you met Her youve changed so much for her" like the story itself is misunderstanding him and his motivations in a way that pisses me off sooo bad.

Like dont get me wrong here either I do not hold any of this against Kaoruko at all. Its just weird that shes this perfect idealized girlfriend when the only person she seems to have any true and deep connection to is her own childhood best friend Subaru who is an infinitely more interesting female lead. (And even then we dont get to see all that from Kaoruko's perspective either, we see it from Subaru's) Watching Subaru befriend the guys and work through their issues together is sweet and wholesome and like actually compelling.

Not to mention Subaru's own hangups and issues play more into the stories overarching drama of the boys and girls going to rival schools that hate one another.

Kaoruko being so sweet and always smiling in the face of adversity yet simultaneously being completely closed off and unknowable COULD be interesting too!! But as far as I read, the manga was not interested in unpacking what could've lead her to be like that nor was it setting up ways to crack her open more or let the other characters have that glimpse into her inner world the way we've gotten with Subaru or Rintaro or Saku or even the other that other girl shes friends with.

The other thing the manga really struggles with is what i call showing And telling cuz not only will you see a cool emotional beat and get to process it but then you get to watch the characters explain it to eachother for the rest of the chapter too. Like the writing is Really handholding the audience, when they genuinely Do Not need to. Like the art is already good at showing how people are feeling or what theyre thinking we dont need it to be explained on top of that. Maybe this is something the anime will fix...... or its something the anime will make worse.

3rd thing is the way they hinted at the eventual introduction of Rintaro's older brother made me think he died and that was why Rintaro was Like That. Like I was 100% expecting this angsty backstory but no. Hes just at college. I wish he was dead. It woulda been so much more interesting.

[everythingwasnormalhere]

i don't really wanna do much today so...

what about an analysis of I've Got You, Brother because i wanna rant about it >:3

(i've been thinking about all this a lot since I wrote it lol)

huge spoilers under the cut so please i beg you don't read it till you've finished the fic ;w;

probably the first scene of this fic i thought while knowing i wanted it to appear in it, was the scene after lucas' funeral. a while before that i already had the headcanon of kevin giving kenny that red scarf of his, but that scene, unlike this one, wasn't fully developed when i daydreamed it.

my kenny, slv kenny, has a lot of trauma as a kid, trauma that shapes his personality later on. yet, he's learned he needs to suck it up, not tell anyone - mainly because his uncle taught him so. lucas was gay indeed, stuart got that one right at least, but after he did what he did to kevin, he decided it was too dangerous. kevin would snitch, surely, he was old enough to know it was wrong, he had proven this. kenny was not.

"never tell anyone about this", he had promised, and so kenny never really specified it - loyalty, fear, who knew. but he couldn't help but take kevin's word that lucas was gone, and maybe that's why he slipped. kevin never asked any more questions, kenny never gave him any more answers.

(Brother by Kodaline - the song this fic took its title from - just started playing, and that is incredibly fitting XD)

"“You look like shit” Kenny pointed out. “You should see the other guy” Kevin smiled, sitting next to Kenny."

a fun fact about this scene, is that i thought of it before anything else in this fanfic, yet with a different theme. i was feeling pretty dysphoric, my parents were being transphobic assholes, nothing new, and i said "why not project this onto kenny?". in the original scenario, kenny would come out to his father, or maybe he'd be outed by some reason, and stuart would be no good about it, so kevin would jump in and defend his brother. then, everything would turn out as it does in the fic.

but slv kenny's agab is left ambiguous, and it will stay that way, which makes the original idea lose all its sense. yet, as i wanted to write it and add it to the story, i figured out another thing the fight could've stemmed from, and rolled with it. it being kenny's birthday was just something that came to me as i wrote, but it makes a sensing way for him to receive his parka so all good XD

next scene is probably the closest these two ever went to talking about their feelings. "He wanted me to go with his friends, he didn't want to hang out with me." was a typical occurence by the time they were twelve/thirteen, which is when that happens. kenny had gone to that type of hang outs a few times already, and always felt as if he wasn't welcome there, his presence and his exit equally unnoticed. butters had always the best intention, but are good intentions ever enough? the spot at the rooftop became kenny's favorite place since that night.

kevin isn't too talkative, or at least not slv kevin, but he knows his brother all too well, as shown in the next scene.

i needed it to be from kenny's pov, even if just to show the shock at "Kevin had never hit him sober." - because kevin had hit him drunk, not even just that, but typically kevin was at least a bit tipsy. him being violent yet sober showed the importance of the situation - and also showed how easily kenny would accept kevin becoming stuart 2.0.

it was short before butters ran away from home, and kenny was going through possibly the worst moments of his life till then. it was also the time in which he would kill himself every other day, trying to find a way that stuck. the broship had broken, kenny's home life was as shitty as always, what was the point? "But- Kenny, I can't let you waste your life like that. I'm probably gonna become a poor drunk guy like mom and dad, but you're smart dude. You have a future. Don't throw it away". those words likely saved kenny's life. kevin knows him, but he's too quiet to show it. yet, when he sees his brother in that state? he can't help but try and pull him out of it.

"This was the first time Kevin had seen his brother in weeks" says a lot about the mccormicks, actually. kenny, spending his days out with his friends or stuck in his room. kevin, not coming home until he has to. they had lost each other, grown up enough to stop needing the other as much. yet, kevin's always up to helping kenny out.

their conversation on the couch, just proves how much they really love each other. kenny doesn't really cuddle with anyone besides butters and his siblings, and kevin isn't much of the type to be physically affectionate with pretty much anyone. yet they enjoy being in each other's company, and they trust each other enough for it. "“Fucked him yet?” Kevin half joked." also shows how much kevin really knows his brother - even after they're not that in touch, he's noticed how close butters and kenny really are. he's also proving to kenny how he will not judge, allowing him to open up if he ever wants to, without fearing a reaction like the one their parents would likely have.

("“I love you”, is what Kevin would've said were he more vocal about his feelings. But he wasn't, so he took a sip of his beer and turned up the volume.". fun fact, they never said they love each other, and now you're forced to live with this information :3)

"“Showed up when I died, haven't left ever since” Kenny nonchalantly said, and Kevin shrugged it off". I don't have much to say about this scene, but fuck me if kenny isn't like this. he's sincere with kevin, yet aware he won't be believed, so he doesn't really press it. kevin, meanwhile, is used to his brother saying stuff like that. if kenny had ever told kevin about his curse? i like to believe kevin wouldn't have hesitated to believe everything about it.

aaand we're at the final arc of igyb!!

(after i took a tiny doomscrolling break bc fingers hurt smh)

i think i should first talk about why i did what i did. and that is, killing kevin off.

you see, in most stories and universes where kevin dies, he does it heroically. saving his siblings from their parents' wrath, getting in the way of a gunshot, taking part in a fight - he dies a hero. that's not how real life works. people just... die. without a warning. without a reason. one day they're there, the next they're gone forever.

kenny thought he understood death, mostly after having died so often, but he didn't. kevin's death, it made him realize people just leave forever, not giving any warning, not saying goodbye. human life is such a fragile thing, and he won't waste his stuck in the shithole of a town south park is. he's terrified of losing his friends the way he lost kevin, he's terrified of permanently dying with nobody to remember him.

he was lucky laura offered to take karen in, because otherwise, he probably would have stayed. but he knows, she'd be kept safe, and most importantly, away from their parents.

and, kenny?

he is going to live.

[malrido]

Ok since you're a fellow malrido shipper, I must know all your headcanons

I GOT YOU. Some of these are character headcanons but can be used ship wise- Also I am a roleplayer and roleplay them with my friend so I may include little story things from those. Gonna put everything past keep reading because i might have gone overboard (I love them so dearly)

-Malleus calls Riddle his rose, his queen, or his treasure. He mainly uses the first two- the second one being used more to tease him.

-Speaking of teasing- Malleus loves teasing Riddle. Fae in general are already mischievous and Malleus is no different. You even see him teasing Riddle during his birthday jacket card with the whole "I'd bring you with me~" to the deserted island thing.

-Malleus "purrs". There are sound bites i've heard of "dragons" basically creating a rumbling noise with their chest (Malleus denies that its purring). Riddle thinks its nice and has used it to fall asleep before. Audio clip from youtube below.

-Later on they end up having two kids. both girls- Rosemary and Morgan (based on Morgan le Fey). I've created picrews of them that I'll add below.

-Malleus is whipped. He is down so bad for Riddle... most of the time he will listen to what Riddle says and do whatever he asks. He's also offered to smite multiple people for Riddle

-Malleus wants to KILL Riddle's mom. Like... not exaggerating. It's a point of contention between them. Obviously Riddle doesn't want his mother to die- but Malleus thinks she's slighted him and almost gotten Riddle to break up with him one too many times and needs to go.

-Riddle loves being wrapped up in Malleus' tail. It makes him feel safe and also its nice and warm. He can almost instantly fall asleep as soon as Malleus puts his tail over Riddle.

-Malleus is VERY over protective. To points that have gotten them into arguments. Riddle is terrified of being controlled like he was by his mother again- while Malleus is terrified of Riddle leaving him, getting hurt, or dying.

-Sometimes Malleus just teleports into Heartslabyul, scoops Riddle up, and walks off towards Riddle's room or Diasomnia. Doesn't matter if Riddle is busy- he needs his rose. A great way to piss Riddle off sometimes- but he will stop when scolded. Malleus absolutely gets whiny (he will deny it) but will always listen to his queen.

-During Malleus' 4th year he just teleports back when hes not busy to be with Riddle. Even if Riddle is studying he just likes being in the room or holding Riddle in his lap. This also helps with Riddle's stress- as Trey and Cater would be gone so he doesn't exactly have somebody to ground him.

-Riddle is convinced Malleus is cursed and thats why every invite somehow falls through or goes wrong or forgotten. Afterall Riddle prides himself on memory and timing. Malleus still says its impossible for him to have been cursed.

-I... do have nsfw headcanons with them that I will not get into but if you're 18+ feel free to dm me if you're curious lmao

-Malleus is glad he mostly hides his tail because every time its out and he sees Riddle it starts thumping against the ground. He has almost broken his own bed frame when he was just sitting and reading with his tail out then Riddle paid him a surprise visit. As soon as Riddle walked into the room his tail starting thumping and cracked the bed frame

-Malleus has memorized all 810 rules of the queen of hearts before they were even dating. It was when he was interested in Riddle and wanted to do something that would make him happy.

It's almost 1 am so I'm going to stop there but I may add to this post honestly... Also if you have any questions about scenarios I will be happy to tell you my answer- also just what you think about all of these in general!

[sillybucket]

Hii 💜

I'm really sorry if I've freaked you out by liking all your posts, I've just really really enjoyed your writing. The Angst had me by a choke hold.

If at all possible would you be interested in writing a piece where gn reader has a nightmare about losing Spot (because maybe they are concerned that Spiderman will take him away or something idk😭I'm bad at explaining I've never done an ask before I'm sorry.)

If you are willing to do this feel free to ask me more questions. I'm really sorry again for not giving more details 🙈Thank you! 💜

Aa - thank you so much for all the support , you’re so kind :,D ❣️❣️ Your writing idea was so neat I immediately rushed to write it as soon as I woke up , I’m always up to do more Spot content :D

I apologize for possible ooc moments in the story , I really hope I did your idea justice !

Can’t lose you { Jonathan Ohnn/Spot x g/n reader }

🍃 Warnings 🍃 : there is a bit of angst at the start , with the reader being scared for Jonathan’s life during their nightmare , but other than that it’s just fluff :) ❤️

🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 .

“Johnny ?” 

(Y/n) walked around the apartment , feeling more and more puzzled as they checked the bedroom once again .

“Where are you ?”

They had already looked for him all around their little house , but it didn’t seem like he was nowhere to be found … 

Could he have gone looking for more materials for his experiments perhaps ? 

And if so , why didn’t he tell them about it ? 

It seemed very strange of their partner to just walk away like that without a word …

But maybe they were worrying too much . 

As (y/n) moved the window’s curtain to look outside , meditating on trying to call Jonathan or maybe send him a text , their eyes widened : 

the sky … it was full of black portals , constantly disappearing and appearing in another spot , and … was it their impression or there were webs covering all the nearby buildings ?

(Y/n) shivered at that uncanny sight , and they were about to focus on trying to find out where Jonathan went once more , when suddenly …

“Johnny !?” 

Yes , that was him , just outside ! 

He was jumping from portal to portal , followed by an ominous looking black and red figure …

They immediately recognized him from the symbol on his suit .

“Spiderman …”

They narrowed their eyes while rushing to grab their coat : 

they weren’t going to let him harm their Jonathan again , not now that he was starting to build a new life for himself , that was not gonna happen .

(Y/n) ran out of the apartment and chased after the two as fast as they leg could muster , realizing that the streets were completely empty …

But why ? 

Something about that whole situation was very wrong …

But they didn’t have time to think about that , saving their partner was their priority now . 

As they reached the old Alchemax lab with the destroyed Collider ( which was also odd , considering it was on the other side of New York … how did they get there so fast ? ) , a massive explosion sent (y/n) flying backwards , hitting the ground with their back as a deafening ring filled their ears .

They slowly got up , finding it rather difficult given how dizzy they felt , and as they looked forward an amalgamation of portals and dark matter was towering over them , but Jonathan was nowhere to be seen …

Spiderman was right next to them , staring at the portals without moving a muscle .

Everything about him seemed very uncharacteristic … he hadn’t said a single joke like he usually did when fighting against someone , he was just … still , like a statue .

“Where is he ? Where is Jonathan ?” 

, (y/n) asked , the tension beginning to rise … 

A horrible thought had just made its way into their mind , but they were refusing to even consider that possibility .

Spiderman didn’t reply , he simply pointed to the darkness in front of them with one finger , and when (y/n) carefully stepped forward to look at it closely the truth finally hit them …

That was what was left of their partner .

He was …

gone . 

Tears begun to fill their eyes and they collapsed to their knees , trying to control their frantic breathing .

“How could you …” 

(Y/n) looked back at Spiderman , a hatred they had never felt before for anyone overwhelming every fiber of their body …

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS !?” 

Their scream echoed all over the ruined lab , as well as (y/n)’s desperate sobs and cries . 

This couldn’t be happening … it just wasn’t possible …

“No nono no … please come back p-please I need you Johnny … how can I … how am I supposed to keep on living … when … when you’re not …”

Tears fell down on the metal floor , they had never felt that lonely and hopeless … their heart felt like it was tearing apart …

…

….

……

(Y/n) gasped , finding themselves sitting on their living room’s couch .

Their heart was still beating fast , and when they passed one hand on their face they realized that their cheeks were wet : they had been crying …

They took a deep shaky breath , slowly getting up while looking around the apartment and praying that he would be there …

When the door opened revealing Jonathan’s tall silhouette a sigh of relief escaped their mouth , and (y/n) watched him walk inside with a weak smile on their face :

they were so happy …

“Hey honey , I’m back ! Sorry , it took a while to gather some materials I had left back at my old hiding place , but now everything should be ready to start some tests on -“

Jonathan instantly stopped talking as (y/n) wrapped their arms around him , holding him in their arms like he had been gone for weeks .

“Woah hey , you okay ? Did something happen ?”

, he worriedly asked while putting down the machinery he was holding on the nearby table to gently hug them back .

“N-no … no , it’s fine , I’m fine Johnny , I just …”

A little sniffle escaped their mouth , and (y/n) wiped their eyes with one hand while trying to keep their voice from shaking .

“I had a nightmare about … losing you , like , for good , and it felt so real … I’m just … so happy to see you , to see you’re okay …”

Jonathan looked down at his partner’s teary eyes , stroking their humid cheeks with his hands while speaking with a soft , calming voice .

“(Y/n) … my sweet (y/n) , there’s no way I’m ever going to leave your side . 

You’re the person I care about most in the entire world , I’d never forgive myself if I abandoned you .”

He picked them up from the floor , walking back to the couch and sitting down while positioning them on his lap . 

“I know what I’m doing is dangerous , but I’m not going to let anything happen to me , and I promise I’ll be careful to not let the police or that Spiderman catch me , you have my word .”

(Y/n) leaned on Jonathan’s chest , looking up at his blank face while listening to him : the way he spoke to them so gently had already managed to calm them down , and they could feel their tensed body relaxing more and more …

“Okay … thank you Johnny , sorry for making you worry .”

He smiled in response , holding them close to him while caressing their back , now more determined than ever to make his partner feel safe .

“You don’t have to apologize , (y/n) … just know that no matter what happens , I’ll be with you .”

(Y/n) took a deep breath , the comforting feeling of Jonathan being right there , so close to them , making them forget about their fears .

As long as the two of them were together , everything was going to be just fine , and they were going to make sure that nothing bad would happen to their beloved partner :

no one was going take him away from them .

🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 . ⚫️ . 🕸 .

Thank you for reading this little story until the end , I hope I got everything right ! Feel free to leave some feedback if you want :) ❤️

[yuseirra]

hello there! i've been lurking on ur blog for a while now, and i absolutely love your art and analyses of hikaai!! you made me realize how good of a ship they are together and how tragic it is, and i think you made me love them as much as i do now. the analyses you write about them have really changed my viewpoint of oshi no ko entirely, and i really enjoy how well written they are. thank you so much for all of it!!

i wanted to ask you if you know some songs that seem very hikaai to you? i want to make a playlist for hikaai because i can't find any on spotify, but right now there's not many songs, so i turn to you for help. i've put mephisto and fatal in there because of your posts with those songs :33

thank you once more !! keep being great !!

Hello!// Wow, it's such an honor! I say this a lot lately but I really mean it.. Really? I am so glad! Ah, this makes me so happy. I've been writing about them in a rather frantic manner, I wish I could be more graceful and calm... I'm suddenly feeling a bit shy hehe but I have to be really stern about wrong things, aren't I!! I can't be so calm when I talk about beings like Ryosuke, there are just some things that I feel really strongly about and can't condone... this manga tackles really dark subjects sometimes, and they always get a reaction out of me.

It may take a few chapters for the current situation in the piece to be fully resolved (idk if they'll drag the idea of Kamiki being the "true villain" for so long.. that's going to be so tiring if they do), but I feel like I am on the right track after having thought over just what exactly this piece is trying to convey. ONK has a theme that's been very clear and consistent, and I believe in the writers to send out a message powerful and meaningful. It's made me think about what people go through, and I appreciate it.

Again, wow, really?/// I had that effect on you? Whew, this is so relieving and fulfilling, you're so kind! Thanks for letting me know! They are quite a lovely and powerful ship, aren't they? People will come to see what they are by the series comes to its closure. I know it will happen! There aren't a lot of pieces dedicated to them yet... but when everyone realizes it's THE Fatal and Mephisto ship, they'll see. Hope my works don't get buried when that happens~ ;v;)/

I would love to help you on this, but I was never really good at making playlists.. will you link me yours when you make yours? :)

I'm really sure I know a lot of songs that have their vibe, but I can't finger them right off the bat:

However, I felt the new songs from P3R really suits them in terms of some of its lyrics because it deals with the loss of someone dear and unknowing what to do without them. I've been listening to those a lot along with onk songs, and it's REALLY fitting!

+OH WAIT NEVER MIND. I found a whole BUNCH of songs.

I hope they suit your taste 'v')/

It feels like my heart is suffocating

How do you make amends when you're gone from me?

Even though with a win how come I feel so lost?

Nothing makes sense to me

I'm so numb, so lost without you

Spending days and nights of silence

'cause no words can explain how I feel In my mind and heart

Oh, I don't know what I am but I miss myself 'cause she's not here anymore

How can I move on? Please tell me

Already lost my keys

To the door wide shut

Only have one wish

Now it's never gonna come true

Trapped in time

Forever in remorse

How could I ever be

In peace when nothing else matters to me?

Phantasmagoria is a interesting song, there are lyric in the description.. its story involves encountering a ghost of a loved one and dancing together before daylight strikes, wishing to return to the old days when they were alive. It's worth a listen!

Hydra from MYTH & ROID is such a powerful song.

ACTUALLY, this is the one song I think would be REALLY fitting, it's SO similar to Fatal in terms of what it's saying!

The lyrics for this go:

Even if I lose everything

I still have something to offer

Be it my future or my life itself

My burned-out emotions, my unanswered prayers

My miserable begging, my foolish giving

My strained voice, my dirtied hands

Even my ripped open heart

I have been wishing for nothing but your happiness

Over and over

Even if everything I hold in these hands is lost

As long as there is still time

I will keep trying over and over again

I don't care if it's meaningless and futile

Even if the days I've spent would end in misery

If my wishes change to curses

Even if it was all in vain, I don't mind

Only you remain in my eyes

At the end of this dark road

It seems as though any light would eventually die out

If that is what is decided by fate

Rather than living by holding onto hope

I sacrifice my all for the now

My burned-out emotions, my unanswered prayers

My miserable begging, my foolish giving

Whatever happens, I don't care

I will give my all for you

Nothing would make me happier than

If I could be with you forever

This song is very interesting too! It has lyrics like:

Please, I’ll do anything, just once, let me turn back time.

I’ll even offer up one, no, two of my fingers.

I can’t bring myself to laugh, ever.

Because even the most natural of my emotions vanished along with you.

Yes, that’s right.

No matter how many years pass, I still live as if I’m dead.

Now, God, break me, break me, please.

I have no idea what happened.

This bone-dry heart of mine, come on

touch it, touch it, please.

Even if a thousand years pass, they won’t heal.

I’ll carry these wounds to the end.

Hey, God, kill me, come on, kill me, please.

It’s all my fault, you see.

Things can never be put back to the way they were,

in the end, just laugh, laugh at me again.

These are some depressing songs, but I feel like those were the type of feelings Hikaru would have felt all along. And the songs involve about wishes to bring someone or to turn back time, so I feel it's very fitting to the situation! If he could do it, he'd definitely bring Ai back. And from what I see, he's disregarding his life a whole lot...

How about "Mugen Nostalgia?" I'm just adding this on because this cover sounds so good! But now that I examine the lyrics, it works!!

Until when will I walk by myself?

It spins round and round, then it slips past by.

Until where will you let me feel lonely?

Are you giggling? Where are you?

I want to see you again.

Is it too rushed to go now? But it's always like this, isn't it?

"Can I see you again?"

Don’t laugh at me with such a blank face, like a scarecrow at the sunset.

I’m still chasing what I've been looking for.

So I will never stop my footsteps until I finally find that. 

There’s no need for such thing as promises.

I'll come for you, so don't worry, it's my classic memory.

Saying “since you’re so lovely I can’t stand it,”

I held tightly to laziness’ hand, feeling completely tamed while it looked my way and laughed laughed so many times, saying, “that’s how it is”while looking at me with distant, pitying eyes

Grieving these horrible times—yes, over and over I’ve suffered

Since salvation without an aim can never reach

There’s nothing left, no, nothing left now

Let’s put an end to it with words

“Ah, I’m satisfied with this” I chanted that over and over

A utopia which slips through my fingers and vanishes

It’s surely, yes, surely a bit too late to return to that time, it seems

I can't get my mind off you

I'm such an idiot

Same as usual

You made me feel so better

It brings back memories

It's things about you

My hands can't take back that the time I passed with you

Some doubts broke me down, broke me down

If you are still alive, I wanted to say it's not your fault

But it's too late for us

Maybe I'm afraid I'm not as tender guy as you think

Looking your eyes, and I say "love you" with fake smile

I don't know what to do

Please tell me what should I do

Just feel so sad inside, but I kiss you

Kiss you...

To end this on a positive note, Lamp from Cö shu Nie seems really fitting to how Ai would feel towards Hikaru, I've been there when TPN was reaching its closure and I'm having so many flashbacks about them seeing how things are playing out in ONK. Emma really wanted to save Norman who was keeping up a strong front and chose to take a path of death for everyone's sake and she was able to bring him back in the end with.. a really huge cost... This song reflects how much she cares for him. She brought him back into the light, and I feel like this is what Ai is going to do for Hikaru too.. it's such a warm song.

It's been confirmed by the creator that it is about how Emma felt about Norman.

Quasi love, quasi love, quasi love. I want to be connected

What you thought was a waste and you removed(your life)

Is irreplaceable to me

Don't stay quiet with such a sad face

Kick it up

Get so dirty that you look pathetic

Do we still have some time left?

You can go beyond

It's warm because we are together

Stand up again and again

I want to protect you forever

Repaint this little world

Keep shining, this road I chose

If you are afraid, it's gonna be okay.

The QUASI-LOVE though. That gets me because. Ai. was so unsure about love even while what she had was so genuine.

hope you enjoy these songs~ I wish I could bring some songs from mainstream pop culture too, o<-< but I think there are some things that anime...ish songs can fill. I mean, I feel they're REALLY fitting.. don't you think? and they're all good songs!! I promise they're all worth giving a listen to!

I'm so glad you found love towards this ship the way I do! ;v;)/ Thanks for reaching out to me to tell me how you feel!! See you around, I look forward to sharing more things with you, and everyone!

[their-destinys-writer]

The Trials of Confessing - Chapter 5

Rated: Teen

Chapters: 5/5

Ao3 / Wattpad

For additional content and behind the scenes, support me on Patreon. I also take Ko-fi.  

A/N: Now that this story is complete, I've been working on another one that's already five chapters ahead in Patreon called Akuma Flashpoint. It's a canon divergent reality warp AU, where Marinette gets transported into a different reality where everything has gone wrong. Main pairing being Ladrien. If it sounds intriguing, you can start reading it right now! But if you're willing to wait, the first chapter will be out publicly on August 28th, and will update every last Monday of the month. In the meantime, enjoy this last chapter!

First | Previous

Adrien felt his senses go numb. He then understood why she had seemed so out of it after they encountered Lila. Her words must’ve gotten to Marinette. However, what was more shocking was knowing that such an amazing girl like Marinette felt so strongly about him. And what was terrifying was the potential of having to break her heart.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner,” she sobbed. “But after everything you’ve been through, I rather be there for you instead of being part of the problem. Maybe now you can at least cross me off the list and find your true love.”

Adrien let out a shuddered breath. “You know about the list?” He felt Marinette nod against his shoulder.

“Alya is convinced that I’m the girl you keep talking about.” She slowly pulled away, wiping away snot. “All because the very day you said that thing about the love of your life, I had happened to decide to confess to you. But that could’ve just being a coincidence, because I’ve said that so many times, yet always chickened out.”

Many times? Adrien pondered. “Marinette,” he said, “how long have you felt this way?”

“U-um.” Marinette placed a hand on her arm, averting her gaze. “Since almost the beginning. You were just so kind when I thought you were a jerk. Even though I made assumptions about you, you still treated me with respect, so different from how Chloé treated me. That’s how I knew you were nothing like her. And over time... I’m sorry, it’s not important. Just cross me off the list.”

“How are you so sure you’re not the girl I’ve talked about?” Adrien rushed to say.

“Because!” Marinette’s arms flailed. “What are the chances, right? There’s no way I’m that lucky. I mean, if I am, it changes so much between us, and it would mean that things have been so much more complicated between us, and there’s a chance of other consequences—”

“We’ll cross that bridge if we get there,” he insisted. “Just say or do what you were gonna do before this whole mess. Don’t just ask me to cross you off without even trying.”

The girl stared at him, as if he had grown a second head. Adrien frowned. Was there something on his face? Did he say something wrong? Marinette gasped, right before saying: “I have something for you—Whoa!”

She pulled something out of her purse, but it slipped off her hand. When she tried catching it, she instead ended up hitting it with her palm, making it fly off to the street. She was about to run to it, when several vehicles drove by and squashed it. Adrien slapped a hand to his mouth, and Marinette let out a screamed ‘NO!’ with her hand hopelessly extended in the direction of the lost gift.

The two of them stared at the mush on the pavement for several seconds, as if hoping they could turn back time and stop the small packet from ever leaving the purse. After finally processing the disaster that happened, Marinette slapped her hands to her face and groaned.

“This is like the premiere all over again!” she cried. “Can’t even give a damn macaron without it being a disaster. Ugh, he’s gonna hate me when he finds out.”

“When who finds out?” Adrien asked when he finally found his voice.

“My friend!” Marinette responded. “He’s the reason I was determined this time. I promised him I’d confess to you, but it had to be done in a specific way, and that includes the gift. But now I don’t have it!”

“Marinette,” Adrien said, taking her hands, his heart starting to beat louder, “you said something about a macaron. Was that what the gift was?”

“Yes. One passion fruit macaron, your favorite. Or at least I think that’s your favorite, but Lila made me doubt my instincts. But that’s not even the important part of the gift.”

“Then what was?” He could feel his heart slam hard against his ribcage, almost ready to burst out.

“The package,” she said. Adrien’s breath hitched. “I designed it myself. It was… special. I needed to give you that along with my confession, but now I’ve ruined it.”

“Not necessarily!” Adrien blurted out. “What was the design? Do you have it with you?”

“No,” she sighed. But almost immediately lit up. “Oh! I have a small notebook I use sometimes when I can’t take my sketchbook with me. I can recreate it!”

Marinette let go of Adrien and was quickly rummaging through her purse. She gave him a blue pen to hold while she pulled out the pocket-sized sketchbook. Just as she dislodged it, there was a honk from the street. When they turned to it, they saw Adrien’s ride, and from it, Nathalie exited.

“Good, I was about to call you,” she said the second she saw him. “Adrien, your father needs you to come home early.”

“What? Why?” Adrien asked, taking a step back, already seeing his hopes and dreams flutter away.

“It has come to your father’s attention that there have been several incidents these days in school, and he feels you’re currently not safe here. We’re taking you home until a press conference can be made on the matter.”

“Seriously?” Adrien said, cursing his father’s timing. “Can you give me another minute? Marinette needs to do something important right now.”

“I’m afraid your father wants you home now.”

He desperately turned to Marinette. “Can you do it fast?”

“I-I, um, I-I—”

“Adrien, we have to go now,” Nathalie insisted.

He looked at Marinette, hoping she would suddenly come up with what was probably exactly what he wanted to see. But from the look of it, she didn’t seem ready to fight. She looked more exhausted than courageous in that moment. And the last thing Adrien wanted was to push her too far.

“I’m sorry,” he said, to which Marinette softly nodded. “Maybe—”

“Adrien,” Nathalie called. It was then that he noticed some of the girls walking down the school’s front steps, watching his father’s assistant like vultures waiting for dinner.

He let out an irritated sigh. “I’m not crossing you off the list,” Adrien said, as he walked backwards towards the car. “Not yet. We’ll finish this later. I promise. Bring a new one tomorrow!”

The car door closed, but he continued staring out of the window. Marinette awkwardly waved, and he immediately returned the gesture. He couldn’t help but notice how some of the other girls seemed to have noticed their exchange, if their death-stares towards Marinette was anything to go by. He winced, hoping he hadn’t just accidentally thrown her to the lions.

And yet, he couldn’t help but hope that, perhaps, he had just become the luckiest guy in the world.

* * *

Worst. Afternoon. EVER.

That was how Marinette would describe her day after Adrien left. Every girl that had witnessed his departure, talking about the list, felt the need to make her miserable one way or the other. The most common were the stares of murderous intentions. Others were far more creative or intrusive, from the passive-aggressive comments to a yogurt she managed to narrowly dodge.

The consensus among them was the same: she was tricking Adrien. Somehow. Oh, and that she was a terrible friend, unlike Lila, apparently.

When it was time to patrol, Marinette didn’t feel like going. She was emotionally drained. But at the same time, she could use the comfort from her partner. Yet, in the end, her sense of duty won out, and she was off, soaring across the rooftops of the city. Trying not to dwell too much in her awful day.

Ladybug landed on the meeting spot, about two meters away from Chat Noir. She bit her lip, still thinking about the hoard of scary fangirls, still wondering how to break the news to her partner. After a deep breath, she approached him. It wasn’t until she was almost next to him that she noticed he was humming a song.

She cleared her throat. “Evening, Chat Noir.”

The boy quickly turned to her, a wide smile on his face. “Good evening to you too, M’Lady.”

“You seem happy today,” she commented, as she sat down next to him.

“I had a very interesting day,” he said. “What about you? How was your day?”

“It was—” Ladybug had been about to say ‘fine,’ but was immediately attacked by memories of the day. “Ugh, it was a complete disaster.”

“Why? What happened?” he asked, sliding an inch closer to her.

“I confessed.” Ladybug covered her face. “And it couldn’t have gone worse. Not only did I cry during my confession, but I lost the gift! My clumsy civilian self somehow managed to get it under three cars and a truck. It was crushed and ruined. He must’ve been so confused. And probably thinks I’m just like any other girl, going after him for the wrong reasons.”

“Eugh, that does sound bad,” Chat Noir said. Sounding a bit too calm, for Ladybug’s taste. There was a pun coming, she could feel it.

“Total disaster,” she said, attempting to sway the conversation from whatever he was planning on saying. “He did ask me to bring a new version of the gift tomorrow, so I guess that’s something. He didn’t completely turn me down.”

“That is something.” Chat Noir said, nodding as he checked his pockets. “I guess you’ll just have to write off today.”

The boy presented her with a pen. Ladybug blinked, right before giving Chat Noir the most unimpressed look she had ever given him.

“Oh my gosh, now you bring stuff to make your puns?” she scolded.

Chat Noir laughed. “Nah, I just think you could use this particular pen.”

“Honestly, Chat.” Ladybug shook her head, suddenly regretting opening herself up to him. “I’m basically pouring my heart out here, being vulnerable to you, and all you can think about is making a joke?”

“Ladybug, just look at the pen,” he pleaded, suddenly far quieter than when he made the joke.

“Yes, I see it.” Ladybug snatched the pen from his hand. “It’s a normal, cheap—” But she stopped. For it was not a normal, cheap blue pen in her hands.

It was a pen with a hole in it. The very hole Chat Noir punctured to it the night they made their deal. The pen that was supposed to be in her purse, yet for some reason, Chat Noir had just given it back to her.

“Wh-Where did you get this?” she asked, any sign of anger gone, but having a hard time breathing properly. When she looked at her partner, he wasn’t smirking, or even flirty. In fact, he almost seemed shy, for the first time since she met him.

“You kinda gave it to me today,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “You were taking your sketchbook out of your purse and gave me the pen while you were taking it out. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized I still had it in my hand. And that was when I recognized it as the one you used to create the design for the macaron package. It was a passion fruit macaron that you made, right? My favorite pastry? Not quiche, by the way.”

Ladybug gasped, and almost immediately let out a shuddered breath. She remembered taking the pen out and giving it to Adrien. She never asked for it back, now that she thought about it. And yet, there it was in her hands, as a gift from her superhero partner, who had many times proclaimed his love for her.

“So, um, now that we kno—Oof!” Chat Noir’s words were cut off by Ladybug, who had thrown her arms around him and was giving him the tightest hug she could muster. Slowly, he returned the gesture.

“You were right,” she said, as happy tears trailed down her cheeks. “This whole time you were right. And I’m so glad you were.”

“You are?”

“I know, right?!” Ladybug pulled away, taking his face in her hands. “I used to laugh at the idea, but the more I thought about, it just seemed so perfect. I am so happy it’s you. Adrien.”

The second she said his name, Chat Noir gave her the biggest grin she had ever seen from him. 

“And I’m so happy that the girl I’ve been in love with this whole time is you, Marinette,” he said.

The sound of her real name sent goosebumps through her body. Or maybe it was the fact that he had taken her hand as he said it. Or perhaps it was the intense look he was giving her, asking the very question she had been about to ask. Instead, she responded his, slowly leaning towards him.

“Wait.” Chat Noir placed two fingers on her lips. “Before that, I have a question: If you were in love with Adrien-me, how come you said that you loved Chat Noir-me?”

Ladybug let out a muffled whine. The very thing she didn’t want him to ask, was the very first thing he asked. She backed away, averting her gaze from him.

“I-I, um, was trying to hide my identity. And I didn’t have time to think of a proper distraction, so I said that.”

“Oh,” Chat Noir uttered. “So, you didn’t mean it?”

“Well, not in the romantic sense,” she explained. “Though, if it makes you feel any better, I was upset that you showed up. It made me think your feelings for Ladybug-me were shallow. But then you went and rejected Marinette-me for Ladybug-me, so I almost celebrated in front of papa. Then I had to pretend I was actually upset, but I was just celebrating in my room. Because your feelings were real. And I’m gonna stop talking because you’re looking at me funny.”

Chat Noir had his index over his lips, with an unreadable expression.

“So,” he started, “what you’re saying is, that you were jealous of yourself?” He finished with a mischievous grin.

Ladybug sputtered. “That’s not—No! I was not jealous! Why would I be jealous? There was nothing to be jealous about. I mean, clearly, you were very loyal to me. Notthatitmattered!”

“It sounds like it mattered a lot,” Chat Noir purred.

“I-I... Urgh, fine. Yes,” Ladybug relented. “I may have, on occasion, wondered what it would have been like if Adrien—you, I realize—hadn’t been in the picture. Then maybe, who knows what could’ve happened between us.”

“Oh.” The skin underneath Chat Noir’s mask turned scarlet. “Now I do feel better.”

“I can see that,” she teased, feeling slightly more confident thanks to his reaction.

“I guess that makes us even,” he countered.

“Even?”

“Mhm.” Chat Noir nodded. “You don’t know this, buuut, I may or may not have had a tiny, little, itty-bitty crush on a classmate I nickname our Everyday-Ladybug.”

“Wait, what?!”

“What can I say, I have a thing for girls who stand up to bullies.”

“Didn’t your dad say you weren’t interested in anyone, and to leave you alone?”

“Nooo, please don’t remind me.” Chat Noir covered his face. “That press conference was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever been a part of. And I’m not easily embarrassed! I’ve walked in high heels and a pink skirt. I would dress in a banana costume, if I have to. But having my father talk about my relationship issues to the press? Freaking kill me.”

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t so bad,” Ladybug giggled. “It was more hilarious seeing a grown man think he has a grasp on teenage relationships, which he clearly doesn’t.”

“Wait, that reminds me, are you okay?” he suddenly asked, uncovering his face. “I saw those girls giving you death-stares when I left. They didn’t do anything to you, did they?”

“Oh, just a lot of passive-aggressive comments about how I’m a horrible friend, and that Lila would never do that.”

“Lila what?” Chat Noir said, bewildered. “What the heck does Lila have to do with any of this.”

“You know how she is,” Ladybug said, with a sigh. “The same thing she said earlier about real friends, she repeated it with the fanclub outside. Now I’m the girl who’s trying to trick you into thinking I’m the love of your life.”

“But you are the love of my life,” Chat Noir retorted. It wasn’t until Ladybug’s cheeks became warm, that he seemed to have noticed the weight of what he had just said. To her face. With their identities revealed. “Uh, I hope you already knew that.”

“Y-Yeah,” she responded, trying her best not to smile too wide. “I-It was pretty clear, with what you t-told Nino. A-And me, when you didn’t know you were talking to Ladybug, and just talking to Marinette-me.”

“R-Right.” Chat Noir went quiet, the red under his mask becoming slightly darker.

Ladybug took a deep breath, before saying: “You know you’re the love of my life, too, right?”

His head snapped towards her, with an expression of surprise, that quickly turned into a giddy smile. “Wasn’t sure, but it’s such a relief to hear.”

“It’s a relief to say it so openly,” she admitted. “I just don’t know what to do now. Much less knowing what awaits us tomorrow.”

“Hmm.” Chat Noir rubbed his chin. “I think I have an idea.”

* * *

Today was the day. And this time, hopefully the other girls had been scared off by his father’s sneers at the camera the previous day. Hopefully they at least got the message that they angered a powerful man. Hopefully they realized the error of their ways. Hopefully—

“Morning, Adrien!” the voice of Christie said as he entered the front doors to the school.

Adrien resisted all urge to whimper. “May I help you in something?”

“Here,” she said, presenting him with a small box. “I got you this quiche. I know it’s your favorite.”

“It’s not my favorite,” he responded automatically. “And whoever told you that lied.”

Christie stared expressionless, with the box still extended towards him. When she didn’t react, Adrien asked if there was anything else she needed. With the question, she seemed to come out of her stuper.

“Yes,” she responded. “I’m sorry I’ve failed, but can’t you see we’re meant to be? I’m clearly the girl you’re looking for! No other girl has tried as hard as me.”

“You just don’t get it, do you,” Adrien retorted, his patience already gone. “You can try all you want, but you’re just not the one. It’s not about how much you try, it’s about actually being the girl. A girl I already know and talk to, and who confirmed to me that she hasn’t given me the gift yet.”

“What’s even so special about this girl?!” Christie bellowed. “If she actually cared about you, she would’ve been with you in the first place. She would’ve already come out and snatch you up. Yet here we are—”

“Yeah, here we are,” Adrien snapped back. “She got so afraid I would confuse her with you bunch, she decided not to confess and be part of the problem.”

“What do you mean the problem?!”

“This! Right here! A bunch of girls asking me out for all the wrong reasons!”

“But I actually love you! Unlike the other girls!”

“If you actually—!”

“Excuse me.” The sweet, wonderful voice of Marinette interrupted his train of thought. Adrien and Christie turned to her. Although her tone had been low, Adrien could see the fire of anger and determination in her eyes. He melted, almost missing what she was saying. “I was waiting in the locker room to talk to you about something, but it was taking you a bit long, so decided to come to you instead—”

“Sorry, Marinette,” Christie interjected. “We’re busy at the moment, in case you missed it.”

“No, we’re not,” Adrien shot back. “Marinette, I’m all ears. What is it?”

Even thought he already knew what was coming, he could still feel ladybugs in his stomach, along with his heart giving excited beats.

“Here.” Marinette took his hand, and in it placed a small green and black package. “I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner, but the other girls scared me. I wanted to say that I’m in love with you, Adrien. Ever since that day under the rain, when you showed me kindness, and that you were not the jerk I thought you were. I made a passion fruit macaron, your favorite pastry, in a special package I designed myself—”

“Wow, you really are a tricky minsk,” Christie interrupted. “You’re such an awful friend to Adrien. You really think—”

“This is my favorite pastry!” Adrien said loudly. “But more importantly, this package has the exact design the girl I’m in love with drew.” He took out the piece of paper Ladybug had given him the night of the deal. “Marinette, you’re the girl I’m in love with!”

Marinette cringed. “This felt a lot more embarrassing than when we talked about it yesterday. Imma go—”

“Nono, don’t go!” Adrien rushed to grab her hand, as she had started backing away. “Sorry, I just hadn’t expected for the girls to try again after the press conference yesterday. But please don’t leave me.”

“Can’t you see she’s abusing of her knowledge as a friend?” Christie desperately said next to him. “She doesn’t mean it.”

“Marinette, would you allow me to do something crazy right now?” he asked, entwining his fingers with hers.

Marinette’s lips turned from an ‘o’ shape to a soft smile. “How can I say no to those kitty eyes of yours?”

Adrien heard Christie comment something about his eyes actually being puppy eyes, but he ignored her. In favor of closing the gap between him and Marinette into a soft kiss. There were several gasps around them. He knew more people had just bear witnessed to their first memorable kiss. But he didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was the girl who’s hand he was squeezing.

When their lips parted, he noticed Marinette’s face was pleasantly pink. He took a stray hair of hers and tucked it behind her ear.

“I’ll remember this,” he whispered.

There was a sudden cheer, followed by a loud ‘I KNEW IT!’ from what sounded like Alya. Adrien pulled away enough to see most of the girls from their classroom high-fiving each other, while Alya ran towards them.

“I told you!” she cheered. “I told you you were the girl he was talking about! And you kept saying ‘nooo, there’s no way it’s me, nooo, it’s a total coincidence I made this very specific gift the very day some girl is supposed to give some very specific gift to Adrien.’ Ha! Coincidence my butt!”

“Alya,” Marinette half-heartedly scolded.

“Wait, no!” Christie said, stepping between Alya and the couple. “No, no, this is a misunderstanding. Adrien, I know Marinette has been stalking you and investigating you. She knows more about you than the fanclub put together. Honestly, it’s creepy. She even has hundreds of pictures of you.”

“Right, the pictures!” Adrien raised a finger, right before leaning towards Marinette, their noses almost touching. “Care to comment on the pictures, Bugginette?”

“Bugginette?” Alya and Christie said at the same time.

Meanwhile, Marinette did a very familiar move he had never seen in her civilian face: she rolled her eyes. Adrien’s heart jumped out of its place.

“You’ve just lost all your kissing privileges for today,” she said, walking away. Yet she stopped for a second to look back at him, a glint in her eye.

Adrien grinned. “Aww come on,” he called, following her, completely ignoring the other two girls. “This is not what we agreed on yesterday. You promised me at least three kisses.”

He knew anyone who heard them had no idea what was happening. Had no idea of when they suddenly became so close, to the point of having inside jokes and nicknames. But he didn’t care. He only cared about the giddy laugh Marinette let out when he caught on to her. The quiet whispers about their homework and about patrol after school.

The promise that what they had was real, and that no obstacle in the world could get in their way.

---

First | Previous

[ziekkfreak2-0]

Book Hoarder

OC story featuring: Loveta Malheur & Xedric Malheur

TWs: None

"Books? Again? Didn't you just buy a bunch a week ago? Don't tell me you already finished them."

Loveta giggled at Xed (her brother)'s exclamation.

She slotted her newest novels into their respective places on her shelf, next to the others from her last shopping trip. They were only seven books with about 100 thousand words each, was it really that astounding?

Well. To her, Xed was her brother. On paper, and to anyone outside of the two siblings, "Xed" was her step sister. Not even their parents knew about Xed's transition.

Not like there was anyone around to stop them.

"Oh, far from it," she waved her hand, "Don't get me wrong, they were a delightful read, but I dropped them nearing the conclusion."

Xed gawked at her "You know, if you keep dropping your stories as soon as it gets to the ending, you're gonna end up with-"

He gestures to the library surrounding them, with so many books that some had to be stacked on the floor instead-

"-this," he finished.

"Ah, but you see! ...I don't care, LMAO," she grinned cheekily.

"Yuh huh. You say that, but next thing you know, I'LL be the one cleaning up your room again because YOU and your hoarder ass decided to bring your books out of the library to 'save up some space'."

"And you're so good at cleaning!! A gold star, for you," she reached into her pocket, brought out her hand in a fist, and flipped him off.

"Can I get a refund on that."

"Nope!"

He sticks his tongue out at her.

"But seriously," he continued, "Why do you keep dropping books? I could help you look for better ones if ya want."

She shook her head "No need. I assure you I can do so on my own. As for why..."

Loveta taps her gloved finger on the shelf contemplatively.

Boredom, her mind supplies, you drop books because of boredom, scatterbrained little brat~

Hey now, that's a little rude, isn't it? Every character flaw has nuance, and dissecting them is part of the fun!

And perhaps that's why.

A character's plights are, to her, a story's selling point. We're going to be stuck with these idiots for dozens of chapters, might as well make them interesting, right?

More than that, to see a character go through something far worse than her and suffer because of it is... exhilaratingly cathartic.

No matter how bad things get, she can always remind herself of these stories. Because while they're scraping together everything they can and begging on their knees for another chance at life, here she is. Throwing money at people to collect more books, a luxury that not many can afford, that she'll never finish.

It's a sick joke that she derives much pleasure from. Tragedies have always been her favorite.

Every story needs a conclusion, though. An end to their suffering, a guiding hand pulling them out of the depths, a path to salvation revealing itself before our protagonist. A deus ex machina, if you will.

Someone to save them.

That's when she shuts the book. Characters are meant to be relatable, after all.

"...I just want to annoy you~" Loveta finally responds, in lieu of the spiel she had gone on in her head.

She continued "By the way, can you mop next time too? I wanna see my reflection in the floor."

She dodged the book Xed flung at her head and winked. Messing with her brother is far more entertaining than reading at times.

[aparticularbandit]

Of A Fatal Captivity: Technical Memory (III)

Summary: When do they decide that she can’t leave? That they’re going to keep her there no matter what she wants? That’s the day her captivity begins. Is that today?

Some of you will think that this beginning is a gimmick. Up to you! Think what you want! (It’s not a gimmick more than anything else in writing is a gimmick, which is to say, of course, it’s a gimmick, because that’s all writing is, really, isn’t it? A bunch of gimmicks? Some of them more successful than others? Isn’t that why we have tropes? The trappings of a Tragedy to tell us whether that’s really what the story is or not? (Do you know the story you’re in?))

Enough games.

You’re here for something better than that.

Or: Junko Enoshima’s factory reset may or may not be going as planned, and Ryoko Otonashi has plenty of things to say about that. Or will, once she realizes what’s going on.

Chapter Rating: M for Gore and Violence. Fic Rating: M for Danganronpa reasons, including the above.

TW for Gore and Vomit.

AO3

previous chapter | next chapter

Book One

MEMORY UNLOCKED.

CONTINUE?

YES | NO

Memory #??? Found.

Password: So there’s no…there’s no logic to which memories I get when?

Incorrect Password.

Attempt #1 of 5 Before Permanent Lock.

Password: Nope!  All at random!  Although I must say, your luck has been pretty good so far.

Incorrect Password.

Attempt #2 of 5 Before Permanent Lock.

Password: …you’re not lying to me, are you?

Incorrect Password.

Attempt #3 of 5 Before Permanent Lock.

Password: Why would you ever think that?

Incorrect Password.

Attempt #4 of 5 Before Permanent Lock.

Password:

Password:

Password:

Password: 284539579875

Memory #??? Unlocked.

Memory Downloading….

A Long Time Ago.

(Your Whole Life Is A Tragedy.)

“I don’t think you should come.”

Ryoko’s head pops up.  It’s not like it’s sudden – she’s felt just how much Mukie’s wanted to tell her this for a while now and intentionally cut her off at every turn – but she’d hoped Mukie would just give up.  Unfortunately, she’d been wrong.  (She knew she would, but still, she’d hoped.)  The pang of something uncomfortable settles in the middle of her chest at Mukie’s words, but she ignores it.  “Why?” she asks, although she already knows how Mukie will answer.

“I just….”  Mukie’s brow furrows.  She’s so much taller and lankier than she used to be, and it makes Ryoko uncomfortable.  Her mama keeps saying that she’ll grow up like that, too, sometime soon, and maybe that’s true, but it’s not fair that Mukie gets to grow up and be bigger first!  She’d stamp her foot if she thought it would do any good.

Mukie pushes a hand through her long black hair.  (It will not be long for very much longer.  Soon, it will all be cropped off and shaved bare, although Ryoko will never see that.  She’ll only hear about it afterwards, after Mukie returns with hair that barely creeps past her ears, a horrible look that’s gone by the time she comes back to stay.)  “I think something bad’s gonna happen,” she says.  “Oto-sama hates you.  He doesn’t want you to—”

“He’s my oto-san, too,” Ryoko interrupts.  She pushes her clothes all the way down in her bag, presses them in so that they’ll stay in, and then forces the zipper shut over them.  “He just thinks I’m a threat to you because you’re the heir or something like that.”  Her brow furrows, and she lies with her whole heart, says the lie that she hopes to be true and believes in it enough that she might force it to be.  “He thinks if we’re friends, then you’ll want me to take on the Ikusaba name, too.  In stories, when there are two heirs, they’re always fighting.  Then everything gets split down the middle or they hate each other or something like that.  And sometimes one of them kills the other.”  She looks up and meets Mukie’s eyes, and she tells the lie like it’s the truth because it’s what she wants to be true.  “He just loves you so much that he doesn’t want me to hurt you.  That’s all.”

It takes a moment, but Mukie’s gaze drops.  She shuffles her feet.  “You’re sure?” she asks.  “You’re the one that knows all that big stuff all the time, and everything.  He’s not just gonna hurt you?”

Ryoko laughs and surprises herself with it as much as she does her sister.  “No, silly!  He’d never hurt me!”  She pulls one eyelid down and sticks her tongue out at her.  “I’ll be fine!”

(This one is only not a lie because she refuses to consider the possibility that she won’t.)

~

MEMORY UNLOCKED.

CONTINUE?

YES | NO

Memory #??? Found.

Password: I don’t like where this is going.

Incorrect Password.

Attempt #1 of 5 Before Permanent Lock.

Password: 284539579875

Memory #??? Unlocked.

Memory Downloading….

A Long Time Ago.

The First of Your Tragedies.

Europe is more beautiful than Ryoko ever imagined.

They’d left before the winter break quite started, but Ikusaba-sensei was insistent about that.  Ryoko’s mama hadn’t been too terribly happy about that – she actually hadn’t wanted Ryoko to go on the trip at all – but her papa had just patted her on the shoulder and murmured something that sounded like, “We did the best we could,” in a tone that sounded like the truth but felt like a lie.  It was only then that her mama had given in, provided that Ryoko had all of her schoolwork done before she left, of course.

Ryoko finished everything in the blink of an eye.  It was all so easy.  She even sat down with Mukie while snacking on ginger candies and onigiri and helped her through the much harder schoolwork her sister had.  Mukie was enrolled at one of those special, expensive schools – the elementary division of…something or other – one that required her to have a fancy title of some sort that Ryoko knew but also knew that Mukie hated so she pretended to forget.  Somehow, Ikusaba-sensei didn’t seem to care whether Mukie should finish it or not, but Mukie cared.

She’d even met Mukie’s oka-sama before they left!

~

MEMORY UNLOCKED.

Password: 284539579875

Memory Downloading….

A Long Time Ago.

(Your Whole Life Is A Tragedy.)

“Oka-sama, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

Ikusaba-sama rarely, if ever, leaves her room.  Ryoko’s only seen glimpses of her through one of the windows as she walks to school, and even then, she’s mostly only caught the silhouette of her through thin curtains.  She’s wondered about her, of course, because she’s Mukie’s mama and she’s Ikusaba-sensei’s wife.  But—

Mukie gives Ryoko’s hand a gentle squeeze and tugs her into Ikusaba-sama’s singular room.  “It’s okay,” she whispers.  “You’re with me; it’s okay.”

Ikusaba-sensei would kill her if he found her in this room.  Ryoko is certain of that.  But Mukie is her sister, which means that Ikusaba-sensei is her papa, too, which also means that Ikusaba-sama is—

“Oka-sama?”

Mukie’s mama turns from the shrine in front of her.  “Mukuro, dear, you know that—”  She cuts herself off as she notices Ryoko.  Her head tilts gently to one side as she stares at her, and her eyes blink with blurry recognition.  “Mitsuki?”

Ryoko nearly misses the name, but doesn’t.  She leans to her sister and whispers, “Who’s Mitsuki?”

“I don’t know,” Mukie whispers back.  “Oka-sama?  This is my—”  She glances to Ryoko, hesitates, lies.  “—my friend, Ryoko.  I wanted you to meet her.  She’s going to go on the trip with us.”

But Ikusaba-sama just stares at Ryoko blankly.

She looks just like Mukie.  That’s the thing that strikes Ryoko the most, just how much Mukie’s mama looks like her.

(That, and the wolf tattoo on the back of her right hand.)

Memory Downloading….

A Long Time Ago.

The First of Your Tragedies.

To be fair, meeting Mukie’s oka-sama was weird.

She was spacey.  She kept missing stuff.  And she called her by the wrong name!  It was weird!

And.  And!

She wouldn’t. stop. staring at her.

Like…rude much?

And the thing is – Ikusaba-sama still won’t quit staring at her.  Any time they’re in the same room, which is oddly not often for going on a trip with Mukie’s family, Ryoko can always feel Ikusaba-sama’s eyes on her.  She even caught her once, nudging Ikusaba-sensei and pointing at her, whispering something, eyes lighting up.  Happy.  It would have been different if Ikusaba-sensei had reacted at all, but.  but nothing.

There’s something…something there, but not.  She can’t reach it.  Not yet.

Not that it matters!

They’re in Europe!  She’s in Europe!  With Mukie and Chiaki!  And it’s beautiful and they’re having fun and it’s actually nice and warm here!  All tropical.  She’s never been out of the country before, even though Mukie and her parents go pretty much every year.

She doesn’t know what she Mukie was so scared of.  This is….  It’s fine.  It’s good, even.

And nothing – absolutely nothing – bad is going to happen.

Nothing, do you hear me?  Nothing bad.

Memory Downloading….

A Long Time Ago.

The First of Your Tragedies.

She can’t remember when she first notices that Ikusaba-sensei and Ikusaba-sama are gone.

It’s not a big deal, usually.  Sometimes Ikusaba-sama reaches the bulk of what her mind can handle, and she needs to go back to her room to rest.  Ikusaba-sensei always walks her back.  In all ways, Mukie’s papa is the perfect gentleman with her mama, so much more gentle and soft and considerate with her than he is with anyone else ever – even Mukie.

(But then he’s never particularly soft with Mukie.)

So Ryoko doesn’t clock when they leave.  Notes when they’re gone, maybe, the way she always does, but it’s background noise behind everything else.  Chiaki isn’t even playing her game as they’re walking; she looks around at everything just like Ryoko does, taking it in with everything she has, twinkling lights reflected in her eyes.

It’s snowing.

Ryoko remembers that it’s snowing.  Remembers the way her air puffs in front of her, the cutest little cloud.  She remembers saying something like, “Look, Chicharin!  I’m a dragon!” and unhooking her elbows from the two of them, springing ahead, and then whirling around with her hands on her hips, leaning forward and blowing hot air – clouds – all over them.

Then she hears something.

Turns to it.

Life is a Game.

Feels the tiny hands pushing her out of the way before she feels the hot burn of something sharp against her cheek before she feels the ground racing up to face her before she feels the weight of a whole other body dropping onto her back before she feels her knees, her elbows skidding across the concrete before she feels—

Then she hears the muffled gunshot.

Then she feels something—

No.

She feels nothing.

This has nothing to do with her.

Mukie places a hand on her shoulder.  “Stay here.”  Races off.  But not far, because as Ryoko slowly lifts herself up and drags herself out from under (she isn’t moving), she can see Mukie off in the distance fighting with…with someone.  Multiple someones, even.

“Chicharin?” Ryoko whispers, shifting from beneath her, unbelieving, hoping.  “Hey, hey, Chicharin?”  She moves out from under her, and Chiaki drops, turning just enough that her face doesn’t directly hit the ground.  “Hey—”  Ryoko presses her hands against her, pushes her over onto her back, and sees the bullet hole shot clean through Chiaki’s left eye.  She stumbles backward, scuttling like a crab, hands behind her, back and back and back.

She can’t breathe.

Blood – thick, red, bright – drips from Chiaki’s eye.  (So does something else.)  Stains the ground – the snow.

It takes another moment.

It’s so easy – so, so easy – to focus on everything else.  To miss…to miss.

Ryoko can hear Mukie behind her, fighting with someone.  Maybe multiple someones.  She can hear her own breath, hard as it is to get it through her lungs, to get it past the pain in her throat.  Her eyes are dry, and it feels like they’ll water just from that dryness, not from tears, because she’s not crying – not yet – she can’t cry, she doesn’t think, because it’s not…it’s not real, whatever’s just happened.

That is when Ryoko notices that Ikusaba-sensei and Ikusaba-sama are gone.  Surely she must have noticed it before then.  They must have said something about needing to leave, and Ikusaba-sensei must have said something about meeting them somewhere later.  That’s how it’s been.  Or something about when he expects them back by – and that sweep of his eyes that says he means Mukie and Chiaki but not her.

But she remembers…she remembers that look Ikusaba-sensei gave her.  She remembers Ikusaba-sama’s blue-grey eyes tearing up.  She remembers Ikusaba-sensei gently pressing his hand against Ikusaba-sama’s chest and forcing her away.

This was planned, Ryoko thinks, and the moment she thinks it, she knows it, and she knows that somewhere deep inside of her she knew it from the beginning and just refused to believe it, knows that she’d hoped Ikusaba-sensei wouldn’t have—

“Ryoko!  Run!”

Ryoko doesn’t listen.  She turns from Chiaki (not her body, from Chiaki herself because she’s not—) and sees Mukie so much taller than she is right now, all willowy thin and bright, fighting.  Attacking.  Defending.  Yelling at her to run.

But Ryoko can’t move.  She can’t.  And when she finds that she can move, it isn’t away like Mukie wants.  It’s forward.

Whatever Mukie can do, she can do.

Ryoko doesn’t know how she knows that, but she does.

She does.

~

MEMORY UNLOCKED.

CONTINUE.

Memory Downloading….

During The Second Game.

(You Are Always Learning What Tragedy Means.)

“I’m sorry.”

The goal was to clean up the bodies – body, this time – of any murders during the Class Trial.  Her classmates are all locked in the basement, yelling and debating each other over who could possibly have killed one of them.

(Leon.  It’s Leon.  She saw, you know.  She sees everything.  But then, she’d seen everything before it happened, all of the possibilities, and she’d set other things in motion in case she’d needed them, in case other pieces had to be pushed into place.  There are always so many options to reach the end, but there’s really only one end.

That’s the point, isn’t it?  To write the story to its end?)

Stupid Sayaka, deciding to fuck up Makoto’s dorm, which means that she has to spend more time cleaning everything there so that when the trial is over and everyone is exhausted he can just go back to his dorm and pass out.  Which means she’s spending the entire Class Trial just there.

Later, of course, they’ll still go straight to their rooms, and she’ll have more time to finish with cleaning up while they’re asleep.  That wasn’t the original plan, perhaps, but it works just as well.

Or.

It will.

It’s not like she’s there yet.

The gym is off-limits when they come back up, not that any of them care.  They hadn’t known what to expect from a trial – from an execution – not that….

Not that it matters, really.

She sits in the gym completely locked to the outside world, and she cradles her sister’s broken body against her chest.

“I’m sorry.”

She brushes her fingers through that stupid fucking wig and she pushes it back and she brushes her fingers through her sister’s short hair and she curls against her and lets all of that clotted blood stain her skin as her tears wipe away the stupid make-up she hated from her freckled cheeks.

“You should have let me die, Mukie.  You should have killed me yourself.  You shouldn’t have—”

Her sister is so much heavier like this.

She holds her against her chest and she rests her chin on her shoulder and she stares at the pink-spattered spears.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

(Her fingertips bleed where the spears broke them.)

Memory Downloading….

A Long Time Ago.

The First of Your Tragedies.

She should be dead.

She is not dead.

Mukie’s killed most of them.

Mukie’s killed—

(There is blood on her hands.

She does not know where the blood came from.)

((She knows where the blood came from, she saw the openings, she saw where they were going to be before they were there, and she is not Mukie, but she moved like Mukie, and when she started to stumble because she could not keep herself going, Mukie stepped into the empty spaces, and between them…between them—))

Ryoko doesn’t look back over her shoulder because she knows exactly what she will see and she can’t she can’t she won’t she can’t she can’t—

This has nothing to do with her.

This has everything to do with her.

This has NOTHING to do with her.

“Let my sister live,” Mukie says, knife held against the grown man’s neck.  (Where did she get it?)  (You know where she got it.)  There’s a tattoo on one side.  It looks familiar.  Why does it look familiar?  Where has she—

Ikusaba-sensei.  Just beneath his robes, right at the curve where his neck and his back meets.

Ikusaba-sama.  On the back of her right hand.

They’re talking, but Ryoko isn’t listening.

She knew not to look back over her shoulder.

But this conversation has nothing to do with her.

Chiaki is cold.

It’s snowing, and there’s snow covering her, and there’s a red tint to the snow like cherry snow cones, but she’s certain if she tries to eat it, it won’t taste like cherry snow cones but like copper pennies torn out of the violently salty sea, and Chiaki is cold, but she’s not shivering.

Chiaki’s not breathing—

“Ryoko.”

She startles, looks up at her sister’s eyes, finds them dark and cold, and drops her gaze to the edge of her blade, covered with blood.

Memory Downloading….

Memory Downloading….

A Long Time Ago.

The First of Your Tragedies.

“Ryoko, you have to run.”

“Run?”

“Find Yasuke.  I’ll take care of things here.”

“But Chicharin—”

“I’ll take care of things here.”

“I don’t have my passport.  I don’t know how to—”

“It’ll be okay.  You’ll make it.  It’ll be okay.”

“Where are you going?”

“I have to go.”

“You’re leaving me.”

“I have to go.”

“I can’t do this on my own—”

“Don’t go back, okay?  Find Yasuke.  Use a new name, use a new…a new something, you can’t be Ryoko anymore, but you’re so good about new names and everything, and you said Ryoko always itched but you haven’t found something good, so you have to find something and you have to find Yasuke and you have to go or you’re going to die, too, so—”

“But what about you?  Won’t you die?”

Like Chicharin—

“I won’t die.  You have to go.  You have to run.  You have to—”

Memory Downloading….

During The Second Game.

(You Are Always Relearning What Tragedy Means.)

Time for the spears to rest.

Memory Downloading….

A Long Time Ago.

The First of Your Tragedies.

She vomits when she runs.

[warrenwilkinson]

Texts: Erik & Warren

@erikdragon

Erik: Warren

Erik: Warry

Erik: Worrywart

Erik: Guess who has two thumbs and is getting the festival in his honor back after a good 300 years?

Warren: don't talk to me you treacherous fuck

Warren: I can't believe you chose a disgusting mutt to be your best man!

Warren: and even worse, I had to hear it from Maya cause you couldn't even tell me

Warren: for fuck sake's we've know each other for centuries and not chose a stupid wolf over me 😠

Erik: Ouchie

Erik: Seth was right then, you are upset about that

Erik: But it's not what you're thinking, Worrywart

Erik: And besides, Jason is a pretty cool guy, I'm sure you'd like him if you knew him

Warren: don't talk to me

Warren: you're lucky I like and respect your angel, otherwise you'll have my sword in the middle of the chest

Warren: I don't care if he's a fucking saint

Warren: I thought our friendship meant something

Erik: Warren

Erik: I know you enjoy these anger outbursts, but would you shut up for a second

Erik: Best men is a thing of this century, I met Jason this century

Erik: Your role in my wedding was supposed to reflect our story

Erik: So I was gonna ask you to do our fucking handfasting, you absolute dickhead

Warren: oh

Warren: you want me to make your wedding official?

Warren: ok

Warren: I'm sorry 👉🏻👈🏻

Warren: it was just really upsetting to think you hadn't consider me to be part of such an important day in your life

Warren: especially because both Maya and I consider you family

Warren: I'm sorry for been such a dick

Erik: I mean

Erik: Seth's god doesn't deserve to bless our wedding, so we agreed to do this by the old gods

Erik: And you're one of the last people in this world who understands what it means to be blessed by nature in a promise like that

Erik: Oh wow you're apologizing, is that my wedding gift already? 😮

Erik: You big baby

Erik: You really thought I'd let some nobody marry me and Seth when I have a brother who fought alongside me still walking this Earth?

Warren: that's true. They don't deserve to be part of your wedding. Is he really ok with that? Not having his father's blessing?

Warren: I do. Long time ago I even considered a wedding too and that's exactly how it would have gone. With the blessing of the true gods

Warren: no. It's just part of your present

Warren: that really means a lot. Thank you Erik

Erik: It's a sore topic, of course, but he said he's fine as long as we're together. So I promised him every time we renew our vows we can do it with a different creed, so we get the blessing of every entity I the fucking universe to prove his god's wrong.

Erik: I knew you'd get it

Erik: Hey, don't get soft on me now. I'm counting on you to run the ceremony, so keep it together man

Erik: 🫂

Erik: We're going to have the wedding during the Golden Festival's celebration, I'm thinking of a small hand fasting by the beach at sunset and then we do the dances and offerings in a village wide party at night

Warren: that's very thoughtful of you. I'm glad you two found each other

Warren: don't worry about it. This is a one in a century emotional outburst

Warren: sounds like a great way to reset the Dragon's reign 😉

Warren: we should meet up to settle everything, so it goes as planned

Erik: Thanks. It seemed to cheer him up, so I'm planning the 20 year as an Indian wedding, or maybe Greek? The chair thingy sounds fun

Erik: lmao duly noted, I'll appreciate it while it lasts then 😛

Erik: Right? I'm actually super excited about the whole thing!

Erik: Well, I was going to invite you over for drinks to ACTUALLY ask you to do the handfasting, before you went and cried your crocodile tears all over my plans

Erik: So wanna come over? I'll pop one of the truly OLD bourbons to celebrate

Warren: make it Greek! It's always fun to smash things 😋 maybe your angel will be less shy then

Warren: don't enjoy it too much

Warren: I am too. It's been a long time since I've seen a real ceremony like that. Too bad orgies are frowned upon now and that I'm in a committed relationship

Warren: I already apologized but since it was my mistake it's only fair I invite you over for dinner at least. Both of you

Warren: that's sounds fantastic actually. Should I bring something?

Erik: True 💯 Oh you haven't seen Seth in a while, he's not that shy, believe me (;

Erik: Well, since we're both into monogamy these days, I'd say it's the best time to have an orgy-less festival lmao

Erik: We graciously accept (: maybe on the weekend? I think by then the actual invitations will be ready and Seth and I can go there to deliver them

Erik: Just bring that tight ass of yours 😉 If you get here before I reach the lair, you get to pick which one we open

Warren: I've seen him at his store. Even though I have a baker at home, I enjoy his sweets on my way to work sometimes. He's still very calmed and soft spoken

Warren: that's a good point. Who would've thought we would be ok with a celibate celebration?

Warren: that's sounds like a great plan. We'll be happy to have you over

Warren: was that a challenge? I'll be there literally in the blink of an eye unless you're cheating and put on wards in the castle

Erik: Oh, that he is, calm and soft-spoken, but don't mistake it for shyness, my friend 😉

Erik: I'm still trying to absorb it myself, it's crazy to think of us as monogamous.

Erik: Not a castle, just a mansion, and nope, no wards, but I'm moving downstairs as we speak 😉

Warren: I very much rather mistake it for kindness, thank you

Warren: we wouldn't have believe it if someone had told us that before

Warren: fine. I'll wait for you there

[ladyravenjadethe2nd]

Spoilers for Part 2 of If Wishes were Kisses

This story is called Family making and it is already up on Ao3.

It is a Drama story and we get our second reincarnation Illumi.

The goal is to get Illumi to a place mentally where he can be a good brother while in character. Thank god he has many years to get their because it's going horribly. :)

Story starts with Momo and Shouto fighting a villain whose quirk is a gas that when it comes in connect with your skin makes your stomach swell up until it explodes in gore.

The only thing that slows it down is for someone else to contribute DNA. In other words parts of someone else need to be absorbed into the first person.

Momo is the first person able to withstand the pain of losing her hand long enough for the swelling to stop.

Momo gets a very cool quirk awakening in this that lets her regrown her hand. She can now make everything she understands instead of having limits.

Momo is a BAMF in this whole story by the way. At some point I want to give her a walking though a sword moment. She can pretty much regenerate now.

Her and Shouto have a very slow burn romance going on and it's pretty cute.

I really hate smart characters having dumb miscommunications and being angsty about it. Only one of them is allowed to be stupid and insecure at a time and they have to get over it fairly easy.

The quirk now with added DNA makes Shouto pregnant with Illumi.

There is a lot of Todoroki drama going on.

Endeavor is alive and trying badly at being a better father. Shouto wants to forgive him, but isn't going to therapy for his childhood trauma so he's not really dealing these issues. Endeavor of course is also not going to therapy so everything is awkward misunderstandings, panic attacks, rages fits, etc.

Rei is a weird women and I've thought something was wrong with her from the beginning so we dive into her mental issues and I give her an estranged sister that is a psychologist.

The sister Ren dislikes Rei and introduces the idea to Shouto that his mother is not perfect and in fact owes Shouto an apology not the other way around. (I always hated that he said she forgave HIM in the anime. For f-ing what?) Shouto don't really know how to take that to be honest.

Rei has actually gone to therapy and while she's very fucked up at least her shit is mostly together. (I'm not sure what I'm doing with her to be honest.)

Fuyumi just wants everyone to be a happy family and would love to be in denial about all the shit going on and is usually pissed everyone isn't letting her live in a fantasy. Not in therapy. Needs it.

Natsuo has made the decision not to forgive his dad and is very happy with this outcome. He has a secret family only his aunt knows about and your not going to know about it for 50 chapters at least. I am going to give very small hints of Natsuo having baby knowledge and what not, but he is rarely around the Todoroki's. His kids are gonna be grown or close to it before people find out and they might never met their grandfather. He is in therapy and pleased about it.

Dabi is alive. I made this choice based solely on the fact that this is a drama story and he danced during his backstory monologue. He was chucked into a mental hospital and needs a ton of meds and medical equipment to stay alive. His aunt pulled some strings and is allowed to keep him in her home.

He's so weak using his quirk at all will pretty much kill him, but he still hates everyone and his goal when Shouto finds him is to do as much mental damage as possible.

Rapid dog on a short leash. Here to cause pain. No redemption found. Natsuo know about this. I have the feeling I need to use him for something at some point, but I don't know what. Might have an interesting conversation with Illumi at some point. Maybe I'll let Hisoka kill him? I'm really not sure, but I'd like to do something.

Update: I know now what to do with him and Natsuo for that matter. These two are foils to Illumi. They represent the kind of brother he could have been.

Dabi was consumed by resentment for not being the heir and tried to kill his brother. Illumi who was also pissed he wasn't the heir thought if he didn't force himself to love his brother (which lead to him having a controlling obsessive and unhealthy love for him) that he would end up like Dabi.

Natsuo was hurt and angry that his father didn't treat him well, but put that blame where it belonged. On his dad. If he did resent Shouto he left him alone when he was pissed off, got therapy, and now that he is getting over his issues is learning to be a better brother.

These two examples may be the key to unfucking Illumi's head! I'm hopeful now!

Updated ended.

Of course we can't only let Todoroki have fun family drama. I give Momo a mafia family that is hiding things from her so there is Yaoyorozu drama going on too.

They own a big pharmaceutical company. Momo's dad has a similar quirk which lets him make chemical compounds which means drugs.

They have a big operation, but they hate to do anything in Japan because they don't want Momo to find out. Momo thinks they didn't want her to have control of the company because she's a girl, but the real reason is that she has morals.

Now this would be pretty drama free as they are too smart to get caught, but the company was going to go Momo's uncle however he betrayed her father and now both her uncle and cousin who would have been next in line for the company die under mysterious circumstances.

Eiko who is Momo's mom is connecting to Illumi and discovering how insanely smart he is. She is going to try to be very involved in his life.

Shigeru who is Momo's father has 'recruited' Meleoron who used to work for the big bads of this whole story. Shigeru is kind of dancing with the plot that I don't want to bring up much until part 7. He's laying some groundwork, clues, that kind of thing.

My boy is gonna have a lot of flashbacks when the the big plot pops off.

Naturally her parents need an heir and Shouto who was pissed at his dad gave Illumi her last name.

We all know how Shouto feels about a child being forced into a job by a parent don't we?

Momo has her own Hero Agency that she made with her parents money so she can't really tell them to go to hell though can she?

Then of course the Zoldyck drama of Illumi thinking about his childhood and just being mentally broken from being the reason his brother died.

Illumi goes though all the stages of grief out of order and backtracks often.

He loves Killua. He hates Killua.

He's nothing. He's a god.

He's glad Killua died from his hand. He can't stop having nightmares about his death.

I'm giving a Illumi a proper long drawn out mind breck. Hisoka 'helps' sometimes.

Often Hisoka can find the keyword to change Illumi's reaction, but the change is rarely for the better.

Illumi is a terrible child. Not only is this infant going though harsh mood swings he also wants to train. Zoldycks train by getting hurt and ingesting poison. Momo and Shouto are pushed to the limit until Hisoka takes pity on them.

At some point Hisoka is gonna be like 'Your new daddy has white hair and a blue eye. Bet he could father Killua, if you know you stop being a horrible devil child so he doesn't deiced to become a eunuch'

That's going to send him on a pleasing the new parents quest which is gonna go awful.

Illumi thinks that he has to live up to the family name and has a duty to continue the family legacy. Saying anything even slightly like that will send Shouto into a I'm a horrible father breck down. ( Another one, he has many)

Also Heroics or Mafia? Not sure yet. If I did make Hisoka a fashion designer Illumi could be a model, but I don't know if I can get them both sane enough for a normal job you know?

His quirk was going to be slightly worse then Momo's. He could make any unliving small object he understands how to make. Therefore he would have been making his needles and not much else.

However I have just had the most interesting thought ever that is wonderfully dramatic! He also has mind control powers with his needles right? So here's what I was thinking before.

I'm was leaning towards giving Illumi a split personally. I think he will start to like his new parents more then his old ones, but he was very loyal to them so I think he will hate that.

Combine that with his identity problems because of a new body and last name. Plus his complicated feelings about Killua I could see him crafting a long term undercover personality that seems to make him better, but fucks him up more in the long term.

The thing with Illumi is that unlike Hisoka he doesn't know that he's insane so if he becomes a good brother I kind of think it has to be on accident almost.

Therefore he's thinking about how he would be better off if he could forget everything and his quirk unlocks. He would make mind controlling needles and he stabs a needle in his own head and forgets everything. Mwhahah!

Like that would be so good! Not sure exactly what he would or wouldn't remember.

Might have Hisoka trying to fix it.

Or if it stays awhile that could be why Milluki will think he doesn't remember in part 3 and their relationship changes.

So ideally it would be best for him to remember a few years after Milluki is born, but before Killua is born.

Then I can have him trying to fit his two personalities together again!

Also at four he will rediscover his quirk and use the needles to transform his body. OR I could have him able to make poisons instead. I did this red herring thing where it looks like he might have one of Momo's parents quirks, but I could let one of those be his quirks and give him a mental block on not being able to create needles until he overcomes his memory lose.

Last note on this. The genre is Drama, but it is fully about big family drama. No petty drama here. You think ride or die bbfs are going to do any of that cheating shit? Nah all secret family members and dark secrets here.

(Update) I will 'end' this story when Illumi is 11. He will have a direct sequel that combines his story with Hisoka's. It's a perfect time for it because while Hisoka will be starting high school Killua will have just been born. I would like to focus more on Illumi and his weird relationship with Hisoka after that. Any other plot points that haven't been completed and don't focus on Illumi can be finished in either Milluki's or Killua's story. Here's my thoughts on this.

[edsloveydove]

I Have Always Seen You

pairing: eddie munson x chubby female reader

summary: of course the boy i've known since 3rd grade, the one i've loved since 7th grade, would be the one to break my heart. i never thought he would be the one to fix it too...

warnings: bullying, fatphobia, use of the word pig towards reader once, falling off a bike, blood and cut knee from falling off said bike, self-doubt and sort of self-hate i guess, cursing, mentality that reader wouldn't be 'missed' (idk if thats a warning but just in case), no use of y/n, underage drinking, reader has an older brother for sake of the story (i gave him a really basic/common name), thoughts and flashbacks are in italics!! nickanames/pet names (shortcake, princess, honey, sweetheart), reader is at least a bit shorter than eddie, very poorly edited, talks of the demobats and upside down, again like very badly edited, lemme know if i missed anything, i'm sure i have!

word count: 9k+

notes: my first fic guys and it turned into this 9,000 word monster! wild! anyway, this might be trash i honestly don't know, i have no perception of it, pls let me know what you think!! also, this story is told in first person point of view so it uses 'i, me, myself' and all that, idk how i feel about it though tbh. uuuuh, enjoy!!

DON'T REPOST MY WRITING OR SHARE IT TO OTHER PLATFORMS (including mentioning it in tiktok comment sections and stuff like that pls) THIS IS MY WRITING, DON'T STEAL IT PLEASE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sweltering midwestern heat was hitting Hawkins, Indiana early this year. School had only been out for a few weeks and it was already hot enough to have the city pool passing the max capacity damn near every day. 

Luckily for me, I had been able to successfully avoid going every time my friends have asked me to join them. Until now. 

“C’mon, it’s gonna be so much fun! Steve’s parents are gone again, like usual, so it’ll just be us and a few other friends!” Robin tries to convince me through the phone.  

“Robin, I never believe ‘just us and a few friends’, because it is ne-”

“It’s never just a few friends, I know. But this time it really will be just a few people. Like, actually just a few people. After everything that happened during spring break and all that, Steve really just wants the main guys there. There’s not gonna be any crazy partying, we’re gonna swim and relax, that’s it.”

“I don’t know, I might be busy tomorrow,” I attempt an excuse. 

“Then we’ll move it to when you’re free. We really want you there, you haven’t gone to any of our movie nights or other hangouts yet,” Robin points out while saying my name softly. “Is it something else? Is there someone you don’t want there?” 

Robin isn’t entirely wrong, there is something else that’s keeping me from joining my friends. And technically it does have to do with someone, but not in the way she thinks. And that someone happens to be none other than the Eddie Munson. 

I’ve known Eddie for many years. My older brother was one of his best friends while growing up having met in elementary school. James was in the grade above Eddie, and the one to introduce him to D&D, eventually passing on the title of Hellfire Club President to him as well. I was always in the background, hoping my brother would let me learn how to play just so I could impress him and his friends. 

While they were occupying the basement, getting pizza and bottles of Coke every other Saturday for their stupid role-playing game, I was in my room reading trashy romance novels and out riding my bike to the library in hopes to seem cool when I came back late at night. 

By the time I got to high school, it was James’ second to last year before he went off to college in Chicago on his big-shot football scholarship he managed to snag before he was even a senior. And yes, James was a Hellfire nerd and a star-athlete, so no one messed with their little club while he was there. Eddie was in his sophomore year, already antsy to graduate and move on to greater things. 

I was just the outcast that didn’t even have a group. It didn’t matter that I was the captain of the football team’s little sister, I never made any friends because I never tried to. 

Needless to say, yeah, Eddie and I had some history and maybe things got brought up when Vecna was trying to take over the world that might have been better left untouched. And maybe the idea of seeing him again brings butterflies to my stomach while also making my gut sink. 

“No, it's not that. I just…I guess I just haven’t been feeling it since…since yanno,” I say, half heartedly. 

Robin voices her understanding and tells me to just call back when I make a decision on if I would go or not. I promise her I will and hang up the phone. It’s not like I didn’t want to see them, because truly I did but it also wasn’t a complete lie when I told her I hadn’t been feeling quite right since the Venca situation. 

It was a really traumatic and horrible experience for everyone involved, and really astonishing that everyone made it out alive. 

‘Maybe I should just go…but what if it’s horrible? I know none of my lovely friends would ever say anything to me about it, but I just can’t stand the thought of them seeing me in a swimsuit, especially Eddie.’ I shake my head at the thought. ‘What a stupid thing to think, god, we all nearly died and I’m worried about my stomach in a swimsuit, how shallow is that? I guess some things just never change, no matter the life threatening situation…’

I go about my nighttime routine, washing my face and making sure no lights have been left on around the house. I say goodnight to my mother and fall right asleep. Or, I try to at least. 

But my mind keeps me up for much longer than I would have hoped. 

‘It would be a good time, though. Have a couple of beers, spend the night in one of Steve’s nice guest bedrooms. I wouldn’t even have to swim, I could just say I’m on my period or something. Ugh, but Robin knows that I always swam even on my period when we were younger. I’ll just wear a suit under my clothes and pretend the water is too cold even though it’s the peak of summer? Yeah, that should work. I can’t imagine anyone will care that much anyway if I’m not in the pool with them. I really do miss my friends.’

~ 

The next morning I call Robin and tell her I’ll be there tonight. She squeals in delight and tells me how happy she’ll be to see me.

Now it was just time to pick out an outfit, should be simple enough, right? 

Well, after leaving it to the last second and now only having about 15 minutes to get to Steve’s when it’s already a five minute drive, having half of my closet strewn about my room doesn’t seem like a very good place to be at. 

I finally sigh and opt for a swim suit from the summer before that I never wore, a green one piece with a wrapped sort of style for the top portion, and black cut off shorts and an old t-shirt that fits comfortably loose over it. 

I grab my keys and kiss my mother on the forehead, reminding her I wouldn’t be back till the next morning. 

Several shouts of my name reach my ears once I reach Steve’s backyard, it does bring a small smile to my face knowing I’ve been missed just as much as I’ve missed them. 

“You’re actually here, I’m so happy to see you!” Nancy says pulling me in for a hug, Robin joining on top, squishing us all together. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry.” 

“No, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s been a really hard year,” Nancy says sincerely. 

Steve comes up for a hug next, squishing me for dear life, I could feel him about to try to lift me up and spin me around so I pull away rather abruptly. 

“Alright, alright, it’s nice to see you, too, Steve.”

He answers with a kiss to the cheek and makes me promise that I’ll come to the next hangout and every one after that. I see Jonathan and he waves with a small awkward smile. 

Finally my eyes meet Eddie’s. 

~

“James! James! C’mon, come outside and play with me!” It was nearing the end of summer before James would go back to school for his 8th grade year and I would be going into 6th grade. 

“Not right now, can’t you see that I’m busy? I’m too old to play outside anyway,” my brother rolls his eyes. 

I hop down the stairs so I can see the basement fully now. Spotting all of my brother's friends huddled around our dinky old card table while he has books and notepads sprawled on his end. 

“Well, can I at least play your game with you guys? I’m sure I can learn it fast!” I beam, faking confidence in hopes to sway them. 

“No offense, shortcake, but it’s probably too confusing for you. Besides, we’re right in the middle of a campaign, it would be too hard to add in another character out of the blue right now,” Eddie says with a chuckle, like the idea that I could play is too amusing to even consider. 

Naturally, I take full offense. 

“Fine! You’re all so annoying, I didn’t even want to play with you anyway. Especially not with someone who has a buzzcut!” I stick my tongue out at them and run away, but not before I can hear them laughing. 

Sitting alone in my room I know it was childish of me, especially for my age. James was probably right, he was too old to be outside playing tag with his sister. I was too old to be throwing a tantrum like this over some friends wanting to spend time with each other without one’s little sister hanging around. 

~

“Hey, Munson.” 

Eddie nods his head in greeting and goes back to talking with Jonathan. Well, that’s honestly about as much interaction as I expected to get from him tonight. 

“Alright, let’s get this party started!” Robin exclaims, dragging you toward the cooler filled with ice and drinks, I grab a Sprite to start with. 

2 hours later and my Sprite is still mostly untouched and it’s now gone lukewarm. The others are in the pool splashing and playing chicken, I sit on the side with my feet dangling into the shallow end, watching as they fool around and laugh. Giggles and quiet laughs leave my lips on occasion with them. 

“You should get in, the water’s really nice!” Nancy says. 

“Yeah! Strip for us and get in here,” Robin adds, making everyone laugh. 

“You guys just want to get me out of my clothes, don’t you?” I play it off, shaking my head slightly. Giggles erupt again. I excuse myself to the bathroom after pulling my legs out of the pool. 

Closing and locking the door behind me I look at myself in the mirror.

‘I should just get in the pool, shouldn’t I? I do feel like I’m missing out on what could be a lot of fun. And it wouldn’t hurt to wash all this sweat off of me. I could just keep my shirt on, I have an extra change of clothes as backup anyway.’ 

I finish my business and leave the bathroom. 

After turning the corner to go back to the pool I run straight into something firm, nearly being toppled over before hands are at my forearms to keep me from doing so. Seeing dark curls fanning across this “something’s” shoulders and several patches of dark ink on its bare skin, I immediately know I have just run head first into Eddie. Great. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” I murmur, keeping my eyes pointed down. 

“It’s alright, shortcake. No harm done right?” he says, adjusting his head to try to catch my eyes. 

I nod my head and pull away from his hands that still rest gently on my arms. 

“Hey, hey, what’s up? You’re so quiet tonight, is everything okay?” 

I nod again and pull away harder, rushing out the door to get back to the pool, ignoring his call of my name and a request to “just hold on a second.” 

Pulling my shorts off quickly, I step up to the pool and begin to wade into the water before Robin stops me. 

“Your shirt! You don’t want the chlorine to ruin it!” 

My heart thumps, thinking of how I can handle this. My mouth opens to say something but before I can, Robin cuts me off. 

“Just take it off, no one’s gonna make fun of you for being in your swimsuit and if they do I’ll beat them up for you and then we’ll all collectively agree to throw them out of the group. And don’t try to tell me that’s not what it is, I can see it all over your face. You’re allowed to have fun and go swimming, I don’t like to see you excluding yourself, no matter the reason,” she says. 

Of course she would see right through any lie I could throw her way. That’s just how Robin is. No matter how clumsy she can be, she really is observant. Not only that, but she’s right. Nobody cares and if they do, that’s their problem. 

I rip off my shirt and dive into the pool trying to minimize the time in which people could see me without it. Immediately finding Steve’s legs I yank his ankles so he falls backwards into the water with an unnecessarily loud screech. 

It makes the rest of us laugh loudly until Steve comes back up for air with a thirst for vengeance. He chases me around the pool, not for long considering he’s such a strong swimmer and I’m really not trying very hard to get away from him, and catches me easily. His arms wrap around my waist and I cringe as his hands nudge my stomach, scolding myself for the action right after. Steve doesn’t care about my stomach, if he did, he wouldn’t be my friend. 

“That really wasn’t very nice,” Steve says and starts lifting me out of the water. 

“Steve, hey. Steve! Steve, no, I’m too heavy! Stevie, no! Bad Stevie! Bad!”

I’m thrown in the air as far as he can get me and I splash back down. 

I come up spluttering for breath, “Oh, you are so dead, Harrington!” 

All at once the rest of us are splashing and dunking him over and over, until he pleads mercy. Shrieks and squeals of glee and what might be considered laughter fill the air as everyone gets their turn being thrown into the water. 

Eddie comes back out from the house and cannonballs in the middle of our ‘hate on Steve’ fest. 

Eventually I end up back on the side of the pool in my shirt with just my feet in, this time so I can enjoy a fresh soda and mellow out a little, not to make myself smaller. Nancy and Jonathan have called it a night already, leaving Steve, Eddie, and Robin in or by the pool with me. 

“I never noticed this scar? Where did you get it?” Robin points to my knee. 

~ 

The nice old librarian put a hand on my shoulder gently to get my attention, telling me the library would be closing soon and it was best I head home, I hadn’t realized how late it already was. I pack everything together as fast as I can, quickly saying goodnight and unlocking my bike, trying my hardest to race home before the sun sets. 

The wheels of my rickety bicycle pump faster and faster and in my haste I bump over a high curb without realizing, flying off and onto the pavement. 

Tears spring to my eyes as air is sucked in through my teeth. I take a look at my knee and see a small dribble of blood seeping down it, my hands have little scrapes all over, spotted with little beads of red. 

Not the worst I could have gotten from a bike incident, but bad enough to keep me from being able to ride the rest of the way home. It’s not far, but so much for getting back before the street lights turn on. 

About 15 minutes later I make it into our backyard, dropping the two wheeled contraption from hell into the grass and stumbling through the door, all while sniffling back sobs. 

“Oh hey, shortcake! James was starting to get worried about you, you really shouldn’t walk alone at night yanno? Next time ju-” Eddie cuts himself off after seeing the state I’m in. Of course he had to be the one to see me like this. Anyone else could have been sent on snack duty tonight, but it just had to be him. 

“Oh my god, what happened?” He walks up to me. 

I shrug my shoulders and look away. I catch a glimpse of how bad my knees and hands have gotten on the walk home. Blood drips down both knees, my left knee looking significantly worse than the right. Dirt and pebbles cover my palms along with streaks of crimson. 

“Don’t do that, sweetheart. Tell me what happened? Please?” 

I still don’t say anything, fresh, hot tears welling up and already spilling out. I refuse to let stupid Eddie Munson see me like this, all it would be is more leverage to make fun of me with. 

He pulls my hand gently until I’m sitting down. Eddie appears in front of me with a first aid kit a few seconds later, carefully cleaning the gashes on my knees and scrapes on my hands with alcohol wipes. 

“Did,” he lets out a shuddering breath, “Did someone hurt you?” 

“No, god no Eddie, I just-, god this is so embarrassing, I just fell off of my bike is all,” I mutter, not really wanting him to hear the words as they come out. 

“S’ not embarrassing, stuff like that happens. I just wish you would have told me, here I was thinking the boys and I were going to have to band together to cause hell for our favorite little goblin,” he says. 

“You’re just trying to make me feel better, you guys wouldn’t really do that, I guess James might. Most of you guys don’t even really like me that much anyway, you don’t have to lie,” I whisper.

“That’s not true! Of course we would stick up for you!” he says like he’s shocked that I would think the opposite. 

I just shrug my shoulders again and wipe my eyes, still avoiding looking him in the face. 

“Here, let me help you up to your room. That can’t feel good to walk on,” he pulls me up from the chair and goes to lift me into his arms. I jump out of his reach before he can. 

“It’s okay, I got it. Just- you better get back downstairs before they start worrying. I’ll take care of myself.” 

“What? No, you’re basically limping just standing here, shortcake, let me carry you, it’ll only take a minute?” He phrases it like a question. Asking but also sort of demanding. 

The idea is actually really nice, and I want to say yes to it. It would be like when the prince finally gets the princess in all those books I’ve read. Eddie could sweep me off of my feet and whisk me away. 

But I know better, I know that he wouldn’t be able to lift me. Even if he could he wouldn’t so much as glance at me, again, I’m just his friend's little sister. Here only because this is where she lives. 

“No thank you, I’m okay. Go ahead and go back to your game, I’m sure they miss you already. Nobody would even notice if I were gone, but they’ll practically riot without you,” I try to cover how deeply I believe those words with a laugh as I wobble away and halfway up the stairs before he can stop me. 

~

“Um, I guess I don’t really remember. It’s probably just one of those super old scars you forget are even there,” I say, even though I recall the night I got it vividly. 

Eddie’s eyes meet mine from the other side of the pool and they look almost…hurt at the possibility that I might not remember that day. Well, he didn’t get to feel hurt about it. He made it clear that he doesn’t care how I feel when we were in the upside down. 

“Hmmm, yeah, I have, like, tons of those actually,” Robin says, “This one is from my cat, Steven, and this one-” 

“You have a cat named Steven?” I cut her off. She gives me a look that says ‘duh’. 

“But what about Steve? Like human Steve? Was this before or after you became friends? And how has this never come up before?” I practically shriek. 

“Believe me, it has come up before. And yes, before she tells you otherwise, it was after we became friends,” Steve says, settling down beside me while throwing his arm around my shoulders. 

“That is not true! I found him outside the mall before we became friends! We may have been working together at that point, but we were not friends yet!” Robin shouts. 

“We were friends, she’s just embarrassed that she named her cat after me,” Steve whispers in my ear, making me giggle like a schoolgirl. 

Even though I’ve never seen Steve romantically, he still had the ability to reduce me to feet kicking and hair twirling. 

“What’s wrong with you, Munson?” Steve asks, noticing the scowl covering his face that usually carries a bright smile. 

Eddie shakes his head, “Nothing man, just thinking about how I don’t have a beer in my hand right now.” 

~ 

A call of my name breaks my gaze away from the mirror. 

“You almost ready? It’s time to go!” James yells, entering my room. “Hey! You look great! It almost feels like I’m sending you off to prom already,” he says wiping fake tears from his cheeks. 

I shove him in the chest and readjust my hair and the straps to my dress for what feels like the millionth time. It was a rather simple looking thing considering I had to sew it myself since the only dresses even near my size were too far out of theme for the 8th grade Winter Snowball or they were simply just ugly. 

Light blue and white fabric lays delicately across my shoulders and down to my knees, matched with white slip on shoes and silver snowflake jewelry. 

“You look really nice, seriously. I know how nervous you are, but it’s gonna be okay, I promise,” my brother assures me, slapping my shoulder much harder than necessary to push me towards the door, “Now it’s time to get your butt moving, let’s go!” 

When we arrive at the dance I immediately catch eyes with Robin and speed walk to her. James goes wherever he's needed for volunteering. 

After about 45 minutes the first slow song of the night comes on as I sit contently by myself at the far end of the bleachers. I wasn’t sad to not be dancing with anyone, I was honestly sort of relieved that I hadn’t had to dance all night. But watching all the couples on the dance floor does make my heart ache just a little. 

“I haven’t seen you dance all night, what’s that about?” 

“Why are you here?” 

“Ouch, shortcake, I don’t even get a hello? And what, I can’t come volunteer with your brother?” Eddie says, fake hurt painting his face. 

“It just doesn’t seem like you, I guess.” 

He sits down next to me leaving at least enough room for another person to sit between us. He hands me an unopened juice box. 

“Seriously though, why aren’t you out there? You don’t have someone you wanna get cozied up with on the dancefloor?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me in his typical annoying Eddie way. 

I roll my eyes, as my stomach twists with shame. He’s mocking me, isn’t he? 

“Nope. I’m okay with it though. Honestly I was perfectly happy just sitting here. Until you showed up that is,” I say with a shrug. 

“Oh really? Well, gosh, who made you such a sour fart?” he laughs as I push him in the arm. 

“Alright, c’mon then. Pity party is over, let's go do this,” Eddie holds out his hand and raises a brow when all I do is look at it confused. “Let’s go dance, shortcake, you should at least once before it’s over.” 

“Um- I-” I’m at a loss for words. There’s no way he’s being anything but friendly but my stupid heart skips too many beats to count. 

“Here, I need to go check on James and see how the other volunteers are doing. While I take care of that, I want you to sit here and decide if you want to dance with me or not. Of course, I won’t make you do anything you don’t wanna, but if you’re up for it, I’m here,” he says, bouncing back to the drinks and snacks table. I smile giddily at his back and stay sitting. 

By the time the last song of the night played I was still in the exact same spot I had been for nearly 2 hours, waiting for Eddie to come back. 

Immediately after he left, I knew I wanted to dance with him. Of course I would. I’ve known him since I was in 4th grade and have had a crush on him for a year now. All I had to do was wait a few minutes and I would get to live out a fairytale dream. Dancing across the room in a flowey dress with the guy I liked. Of course it would be strictly platonic on his end but it could mean something more to me silently. 

So there I sat, with my empty juice box, tapping my foot in excitement. The first slow song ended and there was no sign of Eddie, but I was sure he just caught up with volunteer work. After the next 3 songs played I began to doubt myself slightly. 

‘Maybe he hadn’t actually wanted to dance like it had seemed. But he looked really sincere when asking me. Yeah. And even if Eddie is just a regular teenage boy, and he can definitely be a jerk sometimes, he’s much sweeter and kinder than most. He wouldn’t leave me hanging like that. He’ll be back any minute now, I’m sure.’ 

By the time 11 more songs had played, I knew he wasn’t coming back. Tears were smearing my mascara while I sat as still as possible on the bleachers, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.  

Of course he wasn’t being serious. He just wanted to tease me like usual, the only difference was this time it went too far. This time he was cruel about it. He could have just told me he didn’t mean it. Instead he strung me along and had me sitting here like a lovesick puppy for an hour straight. 

Who was I kidding? Eddie couldn’t be interested in me. He was my brother's best friend and had seen me grow up. I was just his friend’s chubby little sister. Wearing a dress that doesn’t sparkle and shine like all the others’, sitting alone and pouting like a baby. 

He probably thought I would crush his feet if I accidentally stepped on them. 

After persevering through another hour of horror, James finds me in my corner ready to head home. 

“All ready to go?” he asks jovially like he always seems to be. 

“Yes.” 

James picks up on my mood right away, but I’m already halfway to the car before he can say anything. 

“Okay, uh, I gotta clean up some stuff still but here,” he throws me his car keys when I turn back around, “Go get the car started yeah?” 

I nod and head out to the car when I see Eddie jogging up to the doors after me. My steps speed up hoping for all hell to avoid him. He calls my name but I don’t look back or slow down, in fact, the only thing it succeeds in doing is making me walk faster. 

My hands shake as I try to slip the key into the driver’s side door handle. Warm hands settle on my wrists. 

“Holy shit, I am so sorry, shortcake. I was so excited to dance with you, I really was, I just got caught up in helping another volunteer with something and lost track of time. I didn’t mean to forget you there all alone, I swear on everything. I know how excited you were for tonight and I am so sorry. I didn’t realize how long I had been gone until everyone started leaving and then I saw you get up and realized what I’d done, please forgive me,” he rambles off almost too quickly to understand. 

I expect tears but all I get is a deep rooted feeling of shame and anger. Ashamed by the fact that I thought he would come back and angry at myself for sitting there hopelessly when I could’ve danced with Robin at least. 

“Please, look at me. Please tell me you at least got to dance with someone else, right? You had a good time? Please tell me you at least had fun,” he pleads. 

A scoff escapes me as I whirl on him. 

“No, I didn’t dance with someone else, I sat there and I waited for you. I waited for you the whole time, and I guess that was my first mistake wasn’t it, huh? I believed you. I really thought you meant what you said to me.” 

I rip my arms out of hold. 

“You know what’s funny, too? I was actually having a really good time before you showed up. I told you as much earlier, even. I was perfectly happy to sit by myself, considering that’s how I spend most of my time anyway. I was really enjoying just watching the lights and the twirl of dresses, alone. I was overjoyed to just sit and watch Robin dance with her friends. And you had to come and- and lie to me! You made me feel special for fuck’s sake.” 

His eyes flash with guilt and he must have finally realized how much he hurt me. 

“I get that I’m not the prettiest and skinniest girl and I know that most of those kids don’t even know my name, but you do! You know me. You know me and you still forgot about me,” I pause and take a deep breath, “Do you remember what I said that night when I fell off my bike?” 

Eddie shakes his head.

“Nobody would even notice if I were gone. Nobody, not even you, I guess. You forgot about me not even 5 minutes after making me feel like the most special girl in that whole damn room. And that was really mean, Eddie. I hope you, at least, have a good rest of your night,” I step into the car and start the engine.

~ 

Steve plops down next to me holding 4 cans of beer, one for each of us. 

“I’m really happy I came tonight, thank you, for inviting me and not forgetting about me after I kinda disappeared,” I say quietly. 

Steve pats my back while Robin says something along the lines of ‘duh, of course we would never forget about you.’ 

Eddie stays silent, watching me closely. 

I put my drink on the ground beside me and lay on my back, pulling my shirt down to make sure it covers me still. I start to count the stars, just to keep my brain occupied. My eyes drift shut, my mind choosing to visit yet another memory tonight.  

~ 

It was James’ graduation party. All we had were a couple tables set up with snacks in the backyard and a bonfire, nothing too fancy. I made a simple ‘Happy Graduation!’ banner to hang across the gate for everyone to see, too. 

I’m wearing a plain white sundress and converse, I knew I would be running back and forth from the backyard and the kitchen too much for heels to be sensible. Making sure there’s enough drinks and food and ice for everyone was my job tonight. The sun is still up, melting the ice and warming every drink out here. 

James calls my name softly, “You can quit running around and tending to every little need. Come hang out with everyone for a little bit. Please?” 

I set down the metal tub where drinks are kept and walk over to sit around the fire with him and his usual friends. New faces have popped up over the years, but many stayed the same. Danny Williams, a junior who may or may not have been my first kiss when we happened to both show up at the same party and ended up playing spin the bottle together, Jason Carver, a freshman who appeared promising on the football team before switching to basketball instead, Michael Brown, a senior who’s been in the little Hellfire Group since the beginning. There are several others I don’t recognize and even more that I do. 

Of course, Eddie is there too. I just haven’t really…acknowledged him in…in a really long time. 

I haven’t necessarily been giving him the silent treatment, but I stopped entertaining the conversations he always seemed to start with me. 

Danny greets me with a smile as he sits down next to me. He even pulls his lawn chair a little closer towards mine, grinning slightly while doing so. 

“What can I do for you Danny?” I say. 

“Oh nothing. I just wanted to come sit by you, is all.” Huh. That…that sort of stumps me. 

I didn’t think Danny would even recognize me at the party, and I’m honestly even more surprised that he wanted to talk to me after kissing me. We make small conversation, butting into the rest of the group's discussion once in a while to add an opinion. 

Night had fallen and marshmallows and graham crackers were brought out for s'mores, as well as a couple of 12 packs of beer that someone had brought with them. 

I knew James had gone to several parties to celebrate winning a football game where there had been alcohol, or even just little get-togethers where it was provided. I guess now that it was only soon-to-be seniors and high school graduates, minus myself, left at the party it was time for that portion of the night to begin. 

I stand up to go in and let the others have their fun. 

“Where’re you going?” Danny asks, grabbing my hand lightly, looking up with wide puppy dog eyes. His eyes are a pretty green color. Brown eyes have always been my favorite, though. 

“Oh, I was just going to head in and call it a night. That way you all could have your fun without worrying about me dragging you down.” 

My comment makes his brows furrow, his mouth opens to say something, but he’s cut off. 

“You can stay out here, you know. No one minds having you here and I’m sure dear old James doesn’t care if you partake in a little drink, do you?” Eddie states. When did he get so close to us? 

“Even if I did care she gets to do what she wants, man. As long as you're safe about it, go for it,” James says, patting my back and taking one for himself. 

I’ve never drank before, but what the hell? James was leaving in just a few weeks now and this might be my only chance to try it. It’s certainly one of my last chances to hang out with everyone like this, at least for a while. 

After just 2 cans my tongue had already loosened significantly. Danny and I had been talking and giggling the whole time until he had gotten up to go home since his designated driver was ready to leave. 

“So, you and Danny seem pretty close suddenly?” Eddie phrases it like a question, wanting more information on the subject. 

Usually I would just hum in what could be taken as agreement or disinterest but my mind was running a little slower than normal. 

“Yeah, he and I kinda ran into each other at a party that I kinda crashed with Robin and we ended up, like, kissing and stuff,” I giggled. “But shhhh, don’t tell anyone else.”  

Eddie’s eyes widened, but that could have been a trick of the light. 

“What, uh, what do you mean by ‘and stuff’?” 

“Oh nothing. We just had one teensy tiny kiss because we were playing spin the bottle,” I say, not really thinking about it. 

Now I really know my brain is playing tricks on me because for a second I think Eddie looks pleased with this new knowledge that it didn’t really mean anything. 

“I feel like we haven’t really talked in a long time. What’s, uh, what’s been up, lately?” 

The question itself is awkward, but the way he struggled through it made it even more awkward. 

“I’ve been regular old me, Eddie. Nothing new or exciting. Although I did finish a book last night that really threw me through a loop. Oh! Actually there is something exciting! Do you wanna hear it?” 

He smiles, “Of course I do, shortcake.” 

“Well,” I take another sip of what is now my third beer, “William Gillar and Stacy Johnson have finally graduated!” I let out a squeal. 

Eddie just looks at me confused. 

“Do you have any idea what this means, Eds? I am finally free of those two asshats for the rest of my high school experience! Isn’t that amazing! I mean, it was easier to ignore this year than last year, but god I am so thrilled! No more mean notes from them calling me a pig in my locker and book bag, I can even finally find a table to sit at for lunch instead of hiding in Mr. Steerwell’s class,” I sigh happily. 

“Do you wanna know what else they did? This is so silly! They used to catch me on my walk home from school and steal my library books. How stupid is that? Why would you steal someone’s library books, right? They would run around with it so I would chase after them and then laugh at how my body would jiggle. How funny, right? I am so happy they’re gone, Eds, you have no idea.” 

Eddie has his mouth halfway open, anger flaring in his eyes. But that couldn’t be right, why would he care about a couple of high school bullies. 

“No, that’s not funny or silly. That’s been going on this whole time? And you didn’t tell anyone? God, why wouldn’t you tell someone, sweetheart? That’s horrible,” he says. 

“Meh, it’s just normal high school bully stuff.” I wave my hand in dismissal. 

“No, it’s not. Bullying shouldn’t even be considered normal anyway, but what they did to you? That goes far beyond normal, shortcake. I wish you would have said something. You know James and I would’ve taken care of them for you, right?” 

“Well, it doesn’t really matter now, does it. It’s too late,” I dismiss him and his misplaced worry. Honestly, it was nothing I couldn’t handle. He must have sensed how much I didn’t want to talk about it anymore because he dropped it. 

The night moves quickly after that, people say their goodbyes as James takes over clean up duty, considering I can barely stand up without nearly falling asleep. 

“Eddie, will you take her in and make sure she gets into bed okay?” James asks. 

That’s how I find myself being semi-dragged up the stairs to my bedroom and thrown on the mattress like a sack of potatoes. I don’t think Eddie was half as rough as my brain made it seem, to be honest. 

“Eds?” I whisper looking down at Eddie who’s kneeling by feet, gently taking my shoes off. 

“Yeah?” 

A couple beats of silence pass where I try to figure out how to word what I’m thinking. 

“I forgive you.” His movements stop. “I hope you know that. It’s probably such a silly little thing to even remember but I forgive you for forgetting to dance with me. I probably would have forgotten me, too. And…and I am sorry. I really am, for pushing you away so hard after. It was really stupid of me and I wish I hadn’t. Robin is a good friend, but you’re kind of the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend, I think. And I threw that all away over hurt feelings. Puberty, am I right?” I giggle. 

“S’ not silly to remember that. And you weren’t being stupid, sweetheart. You were hurt, you were protecting yourself and I don’t blame you for that. I should never have even walked away from you that night, but I did. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness for it,” Eddie says. 

More words mumble out of his mouth but none of it registers. Soon the noise stops and I feel Eddie’s warm hands pull my shoes all the way off, pushing my legs onto the bed and turning me to lay comfortably on my stomach. 

He must remember that’s my favorite way to sleep. 

My mind must really hate me because I swear, right before I fall asleep, I feel lips pressing gently to my forehead while a guitar calloused hand pushes hair away from my eyes. 

Of course, that didn’t actually happen because that’s not something Eddie would do. Right? Yeah, he wouldn’t…

~ 

A timid shake to my shoulder pulls me from my dozing. 

“Hey, shortcake, it’s time for you to go in.” 

There’s only one person who’s ever called me by that nickname. 

“Hm, it’s been a while since you’ve called me that…Eds.” 

I don’t know what made me decide to use his nickname. It never seemed right to use it after we drifted so far apart when James left. 

Eddie helps pull me to my feet. 

‘Hmmm, he’s always been a lot stronger than he looks. I barely even lifted myself up for him.’ 

“Oh, now you wanna be all friendly again? Using a nickname and everything? What’s this all about, huh?” Eddie says, steadying me with his calloused hands when my legs wobble.   

My brows furrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Earlier, when we were in the house. You practically ran away from me. I mean, it’s just that we…we haven’t seen each other since we went into the upside down. I thought maybe,” he lets out a long breath. “Maybe things had changed or something, I guess. I was hoping we could talk about it after we all got out but you’ve been avoiding everyone.” 

“And why is that? Why do you think things would have changed Eddie?” 

~

“No! No, no, no! Edward Munson, if you cut that rope, so help me god!” 

“You know I always love when you use my full name.” 

And the bastard cuts the rope. 

The next thing I know, he’s out of the trailer doing something entirely too heroic and the exact amount of stupid he always is. 

Before I can think I shove Dustin out of the trailer, the one not in the upside down, and send him to go help Lucas. 

“No! We need to help him! Can’t you see that he needs help!” 

“I know Dustin, I know. That’s why I’m staying here. But I need you to go find Lucas and Erica and check on Max. There are others who still need our help, Henderson. Please, listen to me and go help them.” 

I turn back into the trailer before he can disagree again, locking the door to make sure he doesn’t follow. Without second guessing, I jump through the portal, landing somewhat safely on my side. 

I manage to find a bike and just a few minutes later I’m riding as fast as I can towards the bat tornado that Eddie stands in the middle of. 

“Eddie you dumb jerk, you better not be getting yourself killed!” I scream at the top of my lungs. His eyes catch mine as a look of horror crosses his face. 

“Why the hell did you follow me? I specifically told you not to!” 

“Yeah, well I specifically told you not to cut the rope!” 

We fight off the bats as best we can until they all suddenly drop to the ground. 

Eddie and I stand breathing hard, our brains trying to catch up with all of what just happened. Eddie turns to me, a grin beginning to form. 

I punch him as hard as I can in the chest. And then I do it again, and then again and again, until I’m pounding my fists against his chest over and over again. 

“What the hell?! Honey, stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself!” 

I choke on hiccupping sobs as hot tears overflow past my lashes. 

“Don’t you ever do something like that again! Ever!” 

Eddie grabs my wrists to keep me from hitting him anymore. I keep trying until I realize his hold on me is too strong. 

“Princess, you gotta stop. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore, please stop.” 

He wraps his arms around me, stroking the back of my hair, pressing soft kisses to my forehead. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’re okay, I promise.” 

“That was not okay, Eddie. Not okay!” I tell him looking up into his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I really am. But look, we did it!” 

He looks down at me thoughtfully. His eyes flit down to my lips. My breath catches. 

He couldn’t possibly be… 

His lips are on mine. And Eddie Munson is kissing me. 

Both of his hands are on the side of my face, rubbing his thumbs softly across the apples of my chubby cheeks. 

I pull away, “What do you think you’re doing?” 

“Kissing my shortcake,” he says with a smirk while I grimace at the phrase. He laughs at the face I make and kisses me again. 

I kiss back harder this time, getting lost in all things Eddie. The way his hair feels soft even despite being so dirty. His lips are somehow minty. He smells like smoke and old books. 

My heart soars. This has to be proof, then. Eddie must think of me the way I think of him. I can’t imagine ever kissing someone with this much passion if it didn’t mean something more. I smile into the kiss.

Footsteps sound behind where we stand and Eddie pushes me off of him, placing several feet between us. I look at him confused and hurt by his sudden change in behavior. He refuses to meet my eyes. He even wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, looking straight ahead at Steve, Robin and Nancy appearing in front of us. 

Oh.

He’s too embarrassed to let his new friends see him with the big girl? Is that what it is? Does he suddenly regret kissing me? Was it just a heat of the moment type of deal, then? I was the closest human thing, so he settled on me for a little ‘yay the world didn’t end’ kiss?

In my whole life, I don’t think anything has hurt as much as that did. 

~

An uncomfortable amount of silence fills the air.. 

“Things got weird after James left, but you know that. We both felt it, even though we tried to ignore it. Jason started to act like he ran the damn school even though we were friends at one point. I never saw you because we were never at your house anymore. Then I got held back and we basically had every class together. Then I got held back again and you graduated. I missed you. I really, really missed you,” he says the last part quietly. Almost like he was afraid for me to hear it. I hold back a scoff.

“I missed you so much, it’s ridiculous. I just wanted my shortcake back. My sweetheart, my princess, my honey,” he laughs to himself, I stay quiet. “God, I was such a jerk to you growing up. And not because ‘I had a crush on you’ because that’s bullshit, guys shouldn’t be allowed to be mean to girls with the excuse of it being ‘romantic’. I wish I had treated you better, been a little friendlier. I never realized how much you meant to me until your brother’s graduation.” 

He takes his eyes away from his feet to glance at me. 

“Do you remember that night? It was your first time drinking and you got so sleepy I had to tuck you into bed. You had told me about you and Danny at that party and it made me jealous. I’d never really felt jealous before, certainly not like that at least. It made me realize how deep my feelings for you went.” 

I remain silent, partly because I didn’t want to interrupt him when this is the most honest and vulnerable he’s ever been, out of respect, and partly because I was utterly confused and angered by what he was saying and claiming.

“You forgave me for leaving you alone at the dance, even though I never deserved to be forgiven for that. I didn’t even know how badly you were being bullied at school until you told me, that’s not a person who deserves to be forgiven.” 

A soft laugh and a pause. “I guess what I’m saying is…is I wish things had, in fact, changed after Vecna. And I know, that’s probably not something you want to hear because I know it’s not the same for you but I figure if you’re not gonna talk to me anyway, I may as well tell you, right?” 

He takes a step towards the house but I don’t let him get far. 

“What do you mean it’s ‘not the same for me’?” 

“Well obviously you’ve been ignoring me since I kissed you so, clearly it wasn’t something you wanted.” He shrugs his shoulders. “And that’s okay. I’m not saying you have to be with me or anything, I’m just saying…I don’t know what I’m saying.” 

“I’ve been ignoring you?” I ask, dumbfounded by his idiocy. 

“Well, yeah. You haven’t even been answering the walkie.” 

“And you think that was because I didn’t want to kiss you? Not because, oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that the second Nance and the others showed up you shoved me away from you? It couldn’t have been because it was obvious you couldn’t stand the thought of being seen with me?” 

Eddie’s face drains of color. 

“I can’t help but see now that this is all you think I deserve. A quick kiss when no one can see, right? A little making out before someone can figure who you’re with, huh?” 

“No! That is not at all what that was! I can’t believe you would think that. I pushed you away so you wouldn’t be seen with me!” he shouts, cutting me off. 

“What?” 

“The whole town wanted me for murder! Murder! They thought I was running a cult that killed my friend as a sacrifice! My friend! I didn’t want you to be tied to that anymore than you already were, so I pushed you off before the others could see. If someone, somehow went yapping about a girlfriend of mine and things went sideways when we got out of the upside down, you might have gone down with me and I couldn’t let that happen. I just couldn’t. I was going to tell you all of this as soon as I could but you never let me get the chance, and I see why now. I am so sorry it looked like I was embarrassed to be with you, but that will never be the case with me.” 

He takes my face in his hands and looks me directly in the eyes. 

“You are single-handedly the most beautiful person I have ever met. Inside and out. You have always cared for me and the old Hellfire Club. Don’t think I didn’t know it was you sending cookies on our campaign nights, even after graduating. I remember when I showed up at your house looking for James because some older kids had taken my lunch money in middle school, little you went after them yourself and did one helluva job doing it. You sat me down and cleaned me up. Gave me peas to put on my forehead.”  

It was like a forgotten memory was just pulled up by his words, I did remember that. 

“I could never be embarrassed by you, ever. I don’t care what people think. I…I love you. And I love your hair, and I love your eyes, and I love your laugh, and I love your stomach and your thighs, and I love your mind. I love you and I hope you can see it. I hope…I hope you can see me,” he finishes off in a very quiet whisper, tilting his head down and away from my eyes. 

I place my hands over his that still hold my face. 

“I have always seen you, Eddie Munson. Always.” 

His head jolts up to look me in the eyes once more. 

“God, Eddie, I’m so sorry. I know you’re not a horrible person, I should have known, I’m so sorry. God, you were literally being hunted for murder and I was crying about you being embarrassed by me? I’m so fucking sorry.” 

I shake my head and take a deep breath. 

“I love you, I have for so long. I love the way you smile, I love the way you’re not afraid to take up space, I love the way you’re there for Dustin, the way you were there for me countless times. I love you and your horrible music.”

“Hey, now. Watch it.”

I laugh, “I love you and I see you and I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re forgiven, I promise. You didn’t even really need to apologize in the first place.” 

“Yes, I did. Because none of that was fair to you.” 

“And none of that was fair to you, shortcake. It’s okay.” 

I look at his lips, and that’s all the cue Eddie needs to kiss me. Finally. We put our hearts into it, getting lost in each other. Getting lost in our sudden understandings of the other.  

“We’re both really kinda stupid aren’t we? Stupid and oblivious,” I say, chuckling quietly. 

“Oh, definitely. I mean, we’ve known each other for, what, at least ten years and we couldn’t figure this out without a bunch of drama?” 

“It seems very on brand for you actually, you’ve always been one for the dramatics.” 

“I love you.” 

“And I love you.”