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ultraintrovertedgryffindor · 4 years ago

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Sweet Pandemonium - Gally (The Maze Runner) Part 16 of 16

Welp, this is it I guess. I’ve never finished a story of this size before, so ngl, I’m proud of myself. This story was originally gonna be a short possibly two parter imagine, I never intended for this to be 16 chapters long lmao. AND, I didn’t do much pre planning either. I kinda just made things up as I wrote, which is why this story is such a shit show. But a big thank you to the supporters of this shit show, it means a whole fucking lot. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming...

TW: Page 250

I keep forgetting to tag, fucking hell: @multifandom-fangirl4 @dxllysoutsider @gladerscake

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( not my gif )

Shakily changing into a stolen guard’s uniform, you found yourself more nervous than you probably should’ve been.

You just dreaded going back, now with the threat of everyone you care about dying.

Before, when it was just you risking your life, it was easier. You didn’t really care if you died if you could save someone else, and you knew that mentality was not the healthiest. But compared to Gally, Thomas, or even Brenda, you didn’t feel like you mattered as much.

What could you possibly have to offer that would be greater than anyone else’s contribution?

“You ready?” Gally smiled at you.

Ah, but being able to be with Gally overpowered those feelings.

“Yup. How do I look?” You teased, jokingly twirling around to show off the heavy uniform.

“Pretty damn good, I gotta say.”

You brushed off the butterflies in your stomach with a scoff. “Well, a good uniform can make anyone look good, I think.”

“I mean, sure. But damn, you really pull it off.”

Your lighthearted conversation was cut short by a sharp cough, looking over to see Newt with an annoyed look on his face. “You guys are bloody disgusting, excuse me while I go vomit.”

“Oh, come on, man. Look at her and tell me she doesn’t look nice.” Gally pointed to you.

“Jesus, keep it in your pants, mate.”

You stifled a laugh as Gally turned a light shade of red, ignoring the suggestive comment with an eye roll. “I’m just sayin’.”

Newt walked away from the amusing exchange, still stifling a few coughs. You couldn’t help but worry. “Does he seem a bit off to you?” You asked. Gally looked to Newt then back to you, the sad look on his face giving you a guarantee that something was wrong.

You would’ve prodded further if it weren’t for Thomas giving the signal that it was time to start infiltrating the W.C.K.D. building.

The way it was planned, Thomas and Teresa would walk in the front together, meeting up with Newt, soon you and Gally would find them, making sure to keep a natural distance away. Brenda’s job seemed the easiest, to you at least, all she had to do was steal a bus. You prayed that Frypan didn’t fall to his death, and that Jorge would get back in time with the Berg.

“You’re worrying.”

You rolled your eyes at Gally’s tone. “Yeah, of course I’m worrying. When do I not worry?”

“Not as much as you’d think.”

Your felt your heavy breaths waft back into your face from the helmet you were wearing not allowing much to circulate. Seriously, how could people do this all day for a job? You ignored the queasy feeling in your gut as you found Teresa with the other two “guards.”

Entering into a stairwell, Gally suddenly stopped the group. “Hold on, hold on.” He said, looking over some sort of electric box. “I can get in here.”

“Kay, throw me the walkie.” Thomas ordered, motioning for you to follow with him to clear the area.

You heard Newt cough heavily as you descended down the stairs with your gun, right behind Thomas. “How long has Newt been like this?” You whispered.

“Now’s not the time, Y/N.” Thomas said, scanning next floor to see that it was clear.

“Thomas.” You pleaded.

Thomas huffed, an annoyed yet mournful face overtaking his features. You knew his answer wouldn’t be good, and you found yourself dreading what he would say. “He’s got the Flare...he’s been like this for awhile now. I just found out myself.” He frowned.

You cast your gaze downwards, tears already welling up in your eyes as you realized what this meant. Thomas didn’t give you a chance to respond as he quickly ascended the stairs back to the others, holding up the radio. “Frypan, we’re in. How you doing?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m getting there.” Fry voiced. “Tell Minho hi for me.”

“Hang in there, buddy.”

Gally soon got into the box, quickly looking through the various labels until finding the right one. “This’ll work.” He assured.

“Okay, Brenda, what’s your status?” Thomas spoke through the radio.

“Working on it.” She answered.

“Copy. Just make sure you’re ready on your end.”

“Don’t worry, you know I’m gonna be there.”

Gally quickly set up the hacking signal up to the correct wires, shutting the box door with a grin. “Alright, let’s go.” Everyone quickly bounded down the stairs, stopping at the door at the bottom. “Lawrence, we’re in position.” Gally radioed, only to be greeted with silence. “Lawrence?”

“If he doesn’t turn those bloody cameras off, then we’re gonna be in big trouble.” Newt expressed everyone’s thoughts.

Gally looked nervous, but peeking though the little window in the door, he huffed. “He’ll do his part.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, sighing heavily before readjusting the mask part of the helmet over your face. “Let’s get this over with.”

Teresa reluctantly placed her thumb over the ID scanner, and Gally quickly encouraged everyone through the door to cautiously speed through the halls to get to where Minho was being held.

It didn’t take long to find the holding bay with Teresa leading the group, but you didn’t know if getting in would be easy with a bunch of guards inside.

“Teresa, stay back.” You ordered, gently pushing her behind you. The last thing you guys needed was for her getting in the crossfire.

“Ready?” Gally looked to everyone, they all nodded, clutching their weapons tightly.

As soon as the door opened, shots rang out from your side, making work of all the guards in no time. The element of surprise probably helped. “Huh, that was surprisingly easy.” You chuckled breathlessly, almost proud of yourself for getting some decent shots in, the recoil packed a punch though.

“Yeah? Don’t let it go to your head.” Newt sassed.

Seeing all the kids exit their holding cells with looks of hopefulness, almost made you tear up. What could’ve these poor innocent souls had to endure by the hands of W.C.K.D. You risked a glace at your cousin, and you couldn’t tell how she felt. Did she feel joy that these kids were finally getting rescued? Or all that she saw in those kids was possible cure, dehumanizing them for the sake of her morality?

You didn’t want to think about it anymore.

“The vault. How do I get in?” Gally’s voice caught your attention. The person he was holding a gun to simply said that he couldn’t. “Guys, this might take some time.” He voiced after looking over the heavy vault door.

You looked around and furrowed your brows when you saw one key person missing. “Where’s Minho? He’s supposed to be here.”

Thomas scowled, storming up to Teresa. “Where is he?”

Teresa quickly went to the computers, looking up his file. “Someone’s moved him up to the medical wing. Thomas, that’s on the other side of the building.”

Thomas sighed. “Okay, take me to him, right now.”

“Alright, I’m coming with you.” You and Newt both stepped up.

“No. No, you guys have to wait with Gally for the serum.”

“You can’t do this on your own.” Newt argued. “And Minho comes first, remember?”

“Just go, we’re wasting time!” Gally called out. “I’ll get the serum, we’ll meet you out back.”

Thomas nodded to Newt, but turned to you with a remorseful look on his face. “No, no, you’re not making me stay.” You expressed. “I’m part of this as much as he is.”

“Y/N, you’ve done so much for us already. I can’t ask you to do this.”

“I’m offering.”

“No, please. Stay here. We’ll be okay.”

You scowled, exhaling sharply. “Fine. Keep an eye on Newt.” You whispered, Thomas nodding then running out with Newt and Teresa. “Please, be careful.”

“They’ll be fine, just watch my six and the kids.” Gally said, starting to saw into the door.

You stood guard at the door, impatiently tapping your foot as you worried about your friends, especially Newt. You wished he had stayed with you and Gally so you could give him the serum as soon as the vault opened. You knew it wouldn’t cure him, but it would give him time, and that’s what he needed right now.

You heard Gally’s saw stop, smiling ear to ear when the vault door finally opened. You went inside to help Gally load up all the vials, the whole room glowing blue from the color of the serum. “Come on, we need to hurry.”

The room was almost empty of its contents, but staring at one of the only vials left, you debated. Emotion overtook logic as you grabbed a singular vial of the serum, gathering courage and turning around, only to be stopped by Gally. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I have to find Newt.”

Gally looked at the serum clutched tight in your hand, putting the pieces together quickly. “No, no way.”

“Who know how much time he had left? This can help him.”

“It’s too dangerous.” He said slowly.

“I can’t do nothing while I know I can help him.”

“You’re not doing nothing. You’re gonna help these kids get to Brenda. I’m not letting you.”

“I wasn’t asking.” You said bluntly, a determined look in your eyes that made Gally speechless. He had seen that look before, and he finally realized he wouldn’t be able to convince you to stay with him.

Gally quickly pulled you into a hug with his free arm, placing a rough kiss to the top of your head. “You better come back to me.”

You smiled softly. “I will.”

And with that, you took off without a glance behind you, determined to save your friend from a terrible fate. Of course, if you had glanced behind you to see Gally’s face, you probably wouldn’t been complied to stay. But you had to help Newt, he couldn’t become one of those things. You couldn’t save Gally all those months ago, couldn’t save Jeff...or Chuck. You didn’t want history to repeat itself.

You followed the signs that led you toward where the medical bay would be, making sure to avoid being sighted at all costs. You felt silly hiding in small confined places that made your legs cramp up and wish you had more flexibility or stamina at least. It definitely didn’t help that alarms were blaring all around you, making you believe you actually did get caught. But hearing a few guards talk loudly about how intruders were heading to the medical bay, you realized it was just Thomas who must’ve fucked up, or worse Teresa.

This was going to get a lot harder...

All the guards seemed to rally to the medical bay to capture Thomas and Newt, it wasn’t too difficult to blend in with everyone else distracted from the chaos of it all.

You heard gunshots and glass smashing down the halls of the medical wing. Those boys sure were making it obvious, weren’t they?

You clutched you gun to your chest, not feeling very confident about taking on the guards by yourself, but when you saw your friends with a newly escaped Minho struggling to avoid the guards, you knew you had to do something.

You saying a silent prayer, even though you didn’t know if there was any being out there that heard it, gave you some sort of comfort enough to charge the guards that were gaining on your friends. Shooting at will, not even sure you were hitting any guards, you heard a few men fall to the floor with pained groans.

You didn’t have time to be proud of yourself before you felt a sharp pain in the back of your head, immediately falling to the floor yourself with a yelp.

You looked up to see the annoyed face of Jensen, him leaning down and roughly grabbing onto you and hoisting you up to stand. “You’re a real pain the arse, aren’t you, youngblood?”

Teresa jumped when she heard the doors slam opened, gasping when she saw you on the floor with a bloodied face in front of Jensen. “What the hell, Jensen?”

“Look who I found at the med wing, taking out guards left and right.” Jensen sneered.

“I said alive, Jensen!” Teresa fumed, looking at your almost unconscious form.

“I know what you said, Teresa. She’s breathing, isn’t she?”

Teresa scowled at the man before leaning down to delicately lift you to your feet, ungracefully dragging you to a gurney from the lack of help with your dead weight. “Get out. Thomas is still out there.”

“Your wish is my command, my lady.” Jensen bowed sarcastically, turning on his heel to walk out of the room.

Teresa turned her attention back to you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.” She whispered, quickly fixing up a wet cloth to wipe away at the blood leaking from your nose and mouth.

You groaned at the pained pressure of the cloth, weakly pushing Teresa’s hand away from your face. “Hurts...” You mumbled.

“I thought you were supposed to stay with Gally.” Teresa fussed, ignoring your discomfort to clean your face. “You shouldn’t have come here.”

“I needed to help Newt...” You frowned, holding up the serum that was once safely in your pocket.

Teresa sighed sadly. “It wouldn’t have saved him.”

“But it would’ve given him time.”

Teresa stayed silent for a moment, deciding what to do with you. You furrowed your brows when you felt her strap you to the gurney tightly. “What’re you...?”

“I can’t have you wondering off, plus, you might have a concussion.” Teresa said, inserting a needle into your arm, pulling blood from your veins.

“You need my blood to keep me from wondering off?” You glared. Teresa avoiding your eyes as she readied another needle. “You’re still looking for a cure...even though there is none.”

“I’m just going to run some tests.” She answered simply.

You bit your lip when you felt tears well up in your eyes, gently banging your head down onto the gurney in frustration. How the hell were you gonna escape now?

Gally could’ve sworn his heart almost stopped when he saw his friends jump out of that window. Did these guys have a death wish? But what scared him even more if that there were only three, not four. Please, tell me she made it... “Where’s Y/N?” Gally tried not to shout.

Thomas eyes widened. “What do you mean? We left her with you!”

“She went to find you guys, to give that shank the serum.” Gally pointed to Newt.

Thomas clenched his fists, feeling anger well up in his gut. “Teresa wouldn’t let her get hurt. If anything, she needs her. We’ll get her back, Gally.”

“I know, cause I’m not leaving without her.”

It felt like hours before you talked to Teresa again, her being so fixated on her tests tubes and microscopes. “Any luck in finding your make believe cure?” You teased mockingly. Teresa stayed silent, watching through her scientific equipment for any sign that her cousin blood did anything to get rid of the Flare virus. Teresa slammed her hands on the table when the blood wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. “Guess I’m not the one, huh?”

Teresa glared at you, not appreciating your irritating commentary. She chose to move on to Thomas’ blood that she took back in the church, and her eyes widened when she saw his blood destroying the Flare virus.

Just when she finished making the first serum that she knew would work, the whole building shook as a boom echoed around the whole city.

You strained your neck to look behind you, seeing an almost mushroom cloud of fire at the wall that protected the city. “What the hell...?” Your eyes widened even more when you could faintly see a swarm of people charging through the gap in the wall, quickly realizing that the people were fighting and destroying everything. “Teresa, we have to get out of here.” You said, noticing everyone outside the lab room where thinking the same thing and trying to making a quick escape.

Teresa frowned, storming over to you and removing your restraints, and quickly going back to her experiments. “I can’t.”

You quickly removed yourself from the gurney. “What do you mean? The city’s getting raided. They’ll burn this place down, with us in it.”

“Thomas is the cure, Y/N!” She yelled, making you speechless. “His blood is destroying the virus! He can save us all. I need him.”

“Teresa...if all went as planned, he’s long gone by now.”

“No, he can’t be. Newt is dying and Thomas won’t abandon him, you know that. He’ll be slowing them down. I have to get through to him.” Teresa exhaled shakily. “You can go if you want, I’m staying. I have to.”

You looked to the exit then back to Teresa, your cousin, your only family. In the past, most choices you made were clearly the right ones. But now...you had no idea what to do.

You wanted to choose Teresa...you really did. But you still had the temporary serum, you still had the chance to help Newt. “I’m sorry, Teresa.” You voiced, gaining her attention. “I want to stay with you. But I need to find our friends.”

Teresa’s face fell, frowning. “I understand.”

“I’ll come back for you.” Your voice wavered, feeling intense emotion wash over you, suddenly getting the feeling to tell her you loved her. But you cut the goodbye short, running out of the room and rushed to leave the building.

Thankfully, everyone was so focused on packing up to leave, you had no trouble escaping. But you almost didn’t want to leave the building when you saw the hell on earth that was just outside. But you pushed on, making sure you kept the hold on the vial safely in your hand.

You almost jumped when you heard your cousin’s voice echo around the city’s speakers.

“Thomas? Can you hear me? I need you to listen to me. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I need you to come back. Thomas, you can save Newt. There’s still time for him. There’s a reason Brenda isn’t sick anymore. It’s your blood, do you understand? She isn’t sick because...you cured her. She doesn’t have to be the only one. You just need to come back, and this will all finally be over. Please, just come back to me. I know you’ll-”

The speakers suddenly cut out, as almost all power in the city was down.

You suddenly felt dread wash over you, you had to find Thomas.

Running through the city as fast as you could, you wished you were a Runner, then maybe your legs wouldn’t cramp up every time you exerted yourself. You felt the heat of fires and explosions as you sprinted, dodging multiple guards and people fighting each other. This wasn’t supposed to happen...

Finally getting to a clearing, you stopped to cease the wheezing in your heavy breaths, until you heard screaming. You quickly rounded the corner to see Thomas and Newt...fighting each other.

No...you were too late...

You ran to them, quickly trying to pull Newt off of Thomas, only for his attention to turn to you and tackle you to the ground. “Newt!” You yelled, tearing up quickly at the sight of his dead eyes and Flared up face. “Newt...”

Thomas pushed Newt off of you, giving you the chance to take the vial out of your pocket, but the new Crank got free of Thomas’ hold and attacked you again, the vial violently being thrown from your hand. You internally cringed when you heard a shatter. Fuck...

You felt your vision get blurry when Newt smashed your head against the pavement, the pain resonating throughout your skull and making you feel lightheaded.

You didn’t know what happened after that, you just woke up and Newt wasn’t attacking you anymore. You didn’t hear the sound of struggle anymore. You looked to your left to see Brenda, a look of pained shock on her face. Then you realized, Thomas was sitting next to Newt.

“No...” You whispered.

You crawled over to Thomas, looking down at Newt’s body. You could barely see anything due to the tears that welled up in your eyes, making the world around you blurry. You couldn’t do anything but stare numbly at your fallen friend, unaware that Thomas had left.

“Y/N.”

You knew that voice belonged to Gally, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Or do anything when Frypan wrapped his arms around you to give you some sort of comfort, him feeling the same grief as you, if not worse.

Gally felt the pain of the loss too, but seeing everything being burned down too quickly, he had to speak up. “This place is gonna take us down with it if we don’t get outta here...”

Fry gently pulled you away from Newt’s body, reluctantly motioning for Minho to follow. “Come on.” Fry rubbed your shoulder.

You were basically on autopilot on the way to the Berg, where Jorge, Vince, and the kids were waiting to take off. “We have to find Thomas. He went back to the holding facility.” Brenda voiced worryingly.

“That damn kid.” Vince huffed.

The numbness went away enough to remember that you told Teresa that you’d be back for her. You had to find her again, but the Berg was already being lifted up into the air. In your heart, you knew wherever Thomas was, Teresa was most likely with him. That’s something you could rely on, at least.

“Hey...” Gally sat next to you, gently holding your hand. You could faintly see tear marks down his face, his eyes a shade of red and watery. “We’ll find them.”

You wished you believed that, but after everything that’s happened, you felt having hope was childish. You couldn’t bear to hope just for things to end terribly.

“I think I got him!” You heard Jorge shout, everyone, including you, rallying to the front to look out the Berg’s window.

“Yeah, that’s him. I got the hatch.” Brenda said, quickly springing into action.

“Alright, I got him. I got him.” Jorge said, proceeding to carefully turn the Berg around so the now open hatch was facing the burning building roof. “I can’t get any closer!”

Everyone crowded the hatch, calling out for Thomas and Teresa on the roof, reaching out their hands to grab them. Quickly noticing that he was injured badly, you started to reach out as well. “Thomas! Teresa! Come on!”

“Get closer!” Teresa called out.

“Jump!” Vince yelled, his body almost half out of the aircraft trying to reach.

“We gotta get closer!” Gally yelled to Jorge.

“Come on, reach!”

The Berg finally got close enough to where Teresa could help Thomas onto the hatch, everyone quickly pulling him inside. You looked back to Teresa, holding out your hand as far as you could. “Your turn, jump!” You called out. You furrowed your brows in confusion when Teresa made no effort to move, not even to reach out for you. You could see the debate in her eyes, wondering if she actually deserved to live or not. “Don’t leave me!”

Teresa’s eyes softened, almost bringing her to tears upon hearing that short but impactful sentence. In a matter of a few seconds, the next building over was destroyed, large chunks of debris falling, making the roof collapse into itself, taking your cousin with it.

“No!” You sobbed loudly, ripping apart your vocal cords and feeling your heart break in two.

The Berg quickly left the destroyed area, bringing you all back to their base to pack up and finally go to a place called the “Safe Haven.”

You fell back, feeling grief and guilt weigh you down. I shouldn’t have left her...she would be here if I had just stayed...

You looked to see that Thomas passed out, but he was alive. Brenda and Gally quickly patched him up, but he would have to be better treated when the Berg arrived.

Gally just sat next to you the whole ride, not saying anything, not even attempting to give you comforting touches in fear that it would just make things worse, he just sat there to let you know he was there for you.

Everything felt like it was moving too fast, like time sped up without warning or giving you time to adjust. It made you feel nauseous, but you had nothing in your stomach to throw up, besides bile, you which you did upchuck. You huffed at the burning feeling in your throat. “Damn it...”

Gally was right by your side, rubbing your back and telling you everything would be okay. But it wouldn’t be okay. You lost your close friend, and then you lost your only family that you had left. You couldn’t help the new flow of tears, Gally quickly pulling you close to lean on his chest. “It’s okay. Let it out...” He said softly.

“I could’ve...I could’ve...” You hiccupped.

“There’s nothing you could’ve done, sweetheart.” Gally hugged you tighter, feeling your body rack with heavy cries.

Hours later, you finally calmed down, the tears ran out a long time ago. But you noticed the machine hum of the Berg stopped. “We’re here!” Jorge called out, making you flinch at the sudden shout.

“Come on, help me get Thomas situated.” Vince called out, gathering the group to carry him, including Gally.

You stepped out of the Berg to immediately smell a slight salty scent, you never smelled anything like it. And you heard an unfamiliar sound, almost like white noise. It was just after sunset, but it was still a little light out. But you instantly recognized the light tan sandy ground, the water the stretched out for miles and miles to the horizon.

You’d never seen a beach before, not even before your memory wipe before the Maze. It was beautiful, but you would appreciate it better without the rotting feeling of grief weighing on your shoulders.

You walked to where you saw Vince take Thomas, stopping right outside the entrance of the wooden hut. “Is he okay?” You asked softly.

“He’ll be okay.” Vince answered. “He should wake up soon, but I have to go and make sure things have been taken care of while I’ve been gone.” And with that, Vince walked away with a fast pace.

Minho then exited the hut, meeting you with wide eyes. “Hey...” He said awkwardly, making you give a tight lipped smile. “I’m...sorry, about Teresa. I know how important she was to you.”

You didn’t want to cry anymore, you were sick of crying and the thought alone made you exhausted. “I’m sorry about Newt. He...he was a good guy.”

Minho’s lip quivered slightly, but quickly covered it up with a sigh. “We all lost him.”

You brought him into a hug, not knowing what else to do. It was weird at first, you two weren’t the type to show physical affection to each other, but you felt the situation called for it. Minho hugged you back tightly, trying not to cry at the thought of never being able to hug his best friend again.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m tired.” You sighed.

“Yeah, I think everyone is. It would be weird if they weren’t.” Minho looked past you and smiled to himself weakly. “I think I should get some sleep. I’ll see you later.” You turned to watch Minho walk off, giving Gally a slight nod as he passed him.

Gally walked up to you with a small smile. “I would ask if you’re okay, but I feel like that question is pretty obvious.”

“Yeah...” You whispered. “I’m just fucking exhausted.”

Gally frowned, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Vince already has some beds set up for us. Shall we go?”

You nodded. “That sounds nice.”

You and Gally set up your beds next to each other, at your insistent request. To be fair, in a new environment, you didn’t feel safe at all. Ironic in the “Safe Haven.”

You didn’t get a lot of sleep, constantly worrying about how Thomas was doing. Gally seemed to sense your worry. “He’ll be fine. He’s a stubborn kid.” He said, bringing you closer to him. It did seem to relax you as you fell asleep soon after, but that didn’t stop the influx of nightmares to plague your subconscious.

The next morning, everyone was up and atom, but you and your friends seemed to have been allowed to sleep in. “Who knew waking up beside you would be so nice?” You opened your eyes to see Gally smiling softly at you. You tried not to blush, temporarily forgetting the events that happened last night.

“You guys are disgusting.” Fry suddenly voiced loudly.

“You jealous, Fry?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I am.”

You chuckled weakly at the interaction, but you sat up and stretched, looking around to see the beach lit up in its full glory. “Wow...” You whispered.

Waking up to such a beautiful sight, it did bring a small smile to your face. You wished so badly that Newt and Teresa were there to share it with everyone too, but you tried to shake those thoughts away.

Later that day, you sat beside Minho and Jorge, watching Gally help build something from afar. “He’s lucky to have you.” Minho smirked, picking at the fruit in his hand.

You smiled slightly, not truly believing it. “It’s the other way around really.”

“Well, whatever. You two are good for each other.” Minho rolled his eyes, making you chuckle. “Thomas...” You heard Minho suddenly whisper, and you looked in the same direction he was, seeing that Thomas was indeed walking through the new area.

You and Minho quickly stood up, slowly walking towards Thomas, along with everyone else behind you guys. Thomas’ eyes were tired, just like the rest of yours probably were. He didn’t smile, you couldn’t blame him. There was nothing to say, so Minho brought Thomas into a hug. You were in so much pain from the loss of your cousin, but Thomas was in love with her, you couldn’t imagine how he felt. He lost two of the most important people to him.

You hugged Thomas too, silently communicating each other’s condolences through the gesture.

That night, you and Gally sat next to each other as everyone else gathered to hear Vince speak at the bonfire that was set up, a celebration of sorts of surviving.

“We have come a long way together.” Vince started. “So many have sacrificed so much to make this place possible. Your friends, and your family. So here's to the ones who couldn't be here, here's to the friends we lost. This place is for you. It's for all of us, but this,” He held up a knife, pointing it to the large stone pillar in front of the crowd, “this is for them. So in your own time, in your own way, come make your peace. And welcome to the Safe Haven!” He cheered, the crowd following suit.

You forced yourself to smile as you held up the drink in your hand, following along with the rest of the crowd that were actually happy to be there. You were too, but it was hard to convey those feelings. Celebrating didn’t feel right, not this soon anyway.

You watched as multiple people lined up to carve their fallen friend’s or family’s names onto the pillar. You knew who’s name Minho would carve, it was obvious. But you didn’t expect Gally to get up and carve a name. Of course you were curious, but it seemed like it would be personal.

You had a name in mind, but you looked over to Thomas who was frowning while reading something. You knew Teresa meant something to him too, they were close, almost as close you and her had been when you were kids. But you two were kids, you two grew apart. You didn’t know her in the end, not truly. You knew you didn’t deserve to be the one to carve her name. You would let Thomas be the one.

You thought back to your past, having more names pop up in your head, only one truly sticking out.

You stood up after the crowd cleared, walking to the stone pillar with the knife in hand. You found the place for the name, thankful that the light from the fire still reached. You held up the knife and started carving the name.

You smiled fondly when it was done.

“Who’s that?” Gally walked up behind you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.

You took a deep breath. “My baby sister...”

“You had a sister?”

“Yeah, my parents wanted me to choose the name, but she got the Flare along with them before I could give her one. It was only a week later that I finally gave her a name...even if she was dead.”

“How old was she?”

You frowned. “...three days old.”

“Y/N...I’m so sorry.”

You turned around to see Gally’s solemn face, but you smiled weakly. “I just have to believe she would’ve been better off, or in a better place.”

Gally only nodded, taking his hands in yours and leading you away to walk along the shore. “Things will be better here.”

“You really think so?” You asked, not sounding very hopeful.

“It have to be. We fought so hard for this.”

“I hope your right, Gally. What’ll life be like here though?” You wondered aloud.

Gally suddenly smiled giddily. “We’ll build our own city.” He nodded confidently, making you scoff.

“Oh really?” You raised your eyebrows skeptically, but a smile playing at the corner of your lips.

“Yeah! And we’ll have parties and bonfires every night.”

You couldn’t help but laugh loudly. “Easy there, tiger. We’ve only been here one day. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“Come on, dare to dream, Y/N.” He grinned.

“I’ll leave the dreaming up to you, Captain.”

You and Gally stopped and sat on a little incline of the shore to take a break from walking, just watching the sun come up.

Gally was sitting behind you, his arms wrapped around your shoulders and you leaning into him comfortably. You basked in his body heat, shielding you from the slightly chilly air from the ocean tides. It felt nice, the nicest feeling you’ve felt in the past few days.

You looked up to see Gally’s eyes entranced in watching the waves, his lips naturally upturned in a slight smile.

You leaned up and placed a soft kiss to the underside of his jaw, seeing his eyes briefly close at the feeling and his smile growing into a shy grin. He turned his head and leaned down to place a kiss to your lips. “I love you, you know.”

You grinned. “Yeah, I know. I love you too...so much.”

Looking back to the ocean, you knew you guys were going to be okay now.

~~~~~~~~~~

Welp, yeah...I’m having trouble liking the ending, but I hope y’all do at least. BUT SIKE, this ain’t the end(technically). I’m planning on releasing a bonus chapter reallll soon, for all those heathens that wanted smut ;)

But for those not into that sorta thing, don’t worry! It’s not gonna forward the plot in any way, this chapter is the end of the main story, so you won’t miss anything. Just fluff and smut

#sweet pandemonium series #the maze runner #tmr gally #gally x reader #gally

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annetteblog · 4 years ago

Text

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone.

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??”

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance.

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly.

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

/as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet.

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed.

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience.

P.S. And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian. i like it better and what will u do haha

#jikook #kookmin #what am i even doing here #i'm gonna regret this #long post

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mooglesorts · 4 years ago

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man. it's weird, because there's a lot of things about me that are Very Badger Primary, to the point where i would probably pick it with a strong bird model over anything else at this point... except that i hate dehumanization. i saw primaries described recently as 'things you wouldn't be you anymore if you went against,' and more than just about anything else that's it. even when i think people are monsters, i can't see them as not human; i'd be hard put to define exactly what i consider a 'monster,' but it's more about like. good faith than personhood, i suppose?

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

[[MORE]]

---

-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

---

doubtless i'll think of more the moment i hit send, and there are just as many things about me that are Super Bird Primary, but like... mamma mia that's some spicy badger. the main thing stopping me is the Can't and Refuse to Dehumanize bit. i also... hm. i think i can function okay without a community? they just help a lot, and it sucks when i'm confronted with one i don't have a (stable) place in. any thoughts? is it possible for a bird system's foundation to run so deep that eventually it overrides the bird?

#shc #sortinghatchats #sorting hat chats #badger primary #bird primary #burned badger primary #exploded badger primary #exploded bird primary #burned houses #exploded houses #abuse cw #gore implied cw #moogle hat talks

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yikesharringrove · 4 years ago

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What if Billy did l leave to Cali and moved in with his old friend, the guy who was kind of his boyfriend before Neil dragged him to Hawkins. After couple of years of him living there, they would go out to a bar with Billy’s old friends and him and the guy would kinda have this fwb thing going on. But then, Billy sees Steve. The guy he had a crush on before he decided he wasn’t good enough for him and left after a night where he had finally fucked Steve senseless —

Pt. 2. Billy would be shocked to see him and before he realizes, Steve’s already coming towards their table. He has came with one of Billy’s friends, Steve being that guys date. There would be some confusion and jealousy from both of them, but they would still end up fucking after the night. (lmao i’m sorry that this is long)

This is from forever ago, I’m sorry it took me a thousand years.

It doesn’t actually have smut, bc where I went with it, it just didn’t feel like it fit, I’m sorry about that.

“Billy, we haven’t gone out in like, a month.” Billy rolled his eyes.

“We went out last weekend, you little baby.” He pushed at Danny’s face. “Git outta here you monster, and maybe I’ll consider meeting you there.”

“Kyle is bringing that guy he’s been dating.”

“And?”

“I was talking to Andie, and she said he’s totally not Kyle’s type. Apparently he’s like, super femme.” Kyle was known for going for absolute macho douchebags. “So we’ll get to meet him, and totally make fun of Kyle for whatever he’s tryna do, changin’ everything up like this.”

Billy threw his head back, groaning at the ceiling.

“Fucking fine. But if he’s an asshole, like Kyle’s guys always fucking are, I’m leaving.”

They met the rest of the gang at the bar, pushing through the small crowd to reach the large table they had claimed. Billy greeted his friends, elbowing Kyle a few times and asking where his new honey is.

“He’s getting us drinks, lay off.” Kyle shoved Billy away, made him bark a laugh. he turned around, was going to head for the bar, but stopped in his fucking tracks.

Steve fucking Harrington was making his way towards him, a drink in each hand.

He hadn’t seen Steve since the night he left Hawkins four years ago.

They had been moving towards something for months, had finally fell into one another, having a night of the most tender sex Billy has ever had in his entire fucking life. Steve had looked at him with those big perfect eyes, and had told Billy he loved him.

Billy left when Steve fell asleep, packed up his car and didn’t stop driving until he reached the Pacific.

Steve spotted him, stopping in his tracks, glaring at Billy. He stomped forward, pushing a drink into Kyle’s hand.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Everyone turned to look at Steve when he spat that at Billy.

“Meeting my friends. Why are you here, Harrington?” Steve gestured lamely at Kyle.

“You two know each other?” Kyle looked at Billy with wide eyes.

“Yeah. Remember when I lived in that shitty hick town for two years? Steve is from there.” Steve looked livid. “Good for you for getting out, Pretty Boy.”

“You’re a real piece of shit, you know that, right, Hargrove?” Everyone was watching with wide eyes as the two went back and forth, heads turning like they were watching a tennis match.

“What the fuck did I do?” Steve’s eyes seemed to crackle.

“You know what the fuck you did. You couldn’t’ve even bothered to say goodbye? Had to run away like that?”

“Wait, did you two fuck?” They both ignored Danny.

“I had to get out, Harrington. You don’t know shit about me.” Steve’s eyes narrowed. Billy admired the pretty eyeshadow on them.

“Max told me everything. I knew it all. You’re just a fucking coward that couldn’t take the fact you felt the same way.” Everybody had lost the conversation, couldn’t derive enough from the fight to figure out exactly what had happened between these two.

“I was saving you from yourself, Pretty Boy. I was always gonna leave. Better right away than let you get your hopes up.” Steve stamped his foot.

“My fucking hero.” He picked up one of the drinks he had brought, chugging it down before slamming the glass back onto the table, grabbing Kyle’s hand. “We’re dancing.” He turned to Billy. “Don’t fucking talk to me tonight.”

They disappeared back into the crowd. Billy made his way to the bar, downing two shots right after the other.

“You used to date him, or something?” Billy shook his head, not looking at Danny.

“Nah. I fucked him once and he told me he loved me. I packed up and left the next day.”

“Wait, you only fucked once and he said that?” Billy slammed another shot.

“We were friends, I guess. He had a thing for me, and I just wanted some ass.” That was a complete lie, but Danny didn’t need to know the sweet warmth that had settled in Billy’s gut when Steve said he loved him, how badly he wanted to say it back, how he had gotten scared and made the stupidest decision he had ever made.

“And then you left without saying goodbye?” Billy nodded. “That’s kinda fucked up.” Billy just stared at him.

“What?”

“You knew the guy was into you, and you just dicked him and ditched him without saying goodbye. That’s fucked, Billy.”

“I don’t need this from you. You do not understand what that fucking town was like for me.”

“No, I understand perfectly. You’re a bigger asshole than I thought.” Danny shook his head. Heading back to the table. Billy downed two more shots.

His head was fuzzy as he stumbled into the alleyway for some fresh air.

He tried a few times to light a cigarette when he heard a quiet sniffle.

He turned to see Steve leaning against a wall further down the alley.

“You okay?” Steve stiffened.

“What’s it matter to you?” Billy shrugged.

“If Kyle tried anything-”

“Oh, shut up. He dumped me because of you.” Billy took a few unbalanced steps towards him.

“‘Do you mean?”

“He asked about what happened, and I told him. How you led me on for over a year, how you would let me open up to you, let me cry and feel insecure and would tell me that I was enough the way I am, how you fucked me and ran away the next day, didn’t even bother to call or even write for four years.” Steve had silvery tears running down his cheeks now, illuminated by the streetlights. “How I waited for you, like a fucking idiot before letting myself move on.” He wiped his eyes. “God, I told myself I was done crying over you.”

“Steve, I didn’t mean to-”

“Doesn’t matter. You still did it.” Billy’s heart sank. Steve looked fucking broken in front of him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run like I did. Especially, especially because you’re right. I was scared of how much I felt for you. Scared that if I let myself love you, I would’ve stayed in Hawkins forever. Would’ve never gotten out from under my dad’s thumb.”

“Bill,” Billy’s heart fluttered at the way Steve’s voice sounded when he said his name like that, was immediately transported to late nights sitting in his car overlooking the quarry. “I would’ve left with you. I didn’t like it there, either. I would’ve left with you.”

“I was an idiot. Still am sometimes. But I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for dragging you into my mess. You deserve a lot better than me.” Steve took a shaky breath.

“Y’know, it still sucks. After all these years of telling myself I hate you for what you did, standing here with you, I still-I mean I could never hate you.”

“You wanna come back to my place? Nothing implied, just to talk. Catch up.” Steve chewed on his bottom lip. His lipstick was a pretty deep red.

“Sure. We can, we can catch up.”

Billy led him the few blocks back to his two-bedroom he shares with Danny. He grabbed them each a beer while Steve studied the pictures tacked to the walls.

“Are you two together?” He pointed tot the picture, one of many, of Billy and Danny at the beach, arms around one another.

“Nah. We live together, and we fuck sometimes, but neither of us would be good in a relationship together.” Steve just nodded. “You date much?”

“Not back in Hawkins. I spent about a year there after you left. Robin graduated and moved out here, and I moved into a shitty apartment in Hawkins until she finished her first year and moved out of the dorms. I live with her now. She’s helped me embrace myself more.”

Billy remembers a night when he and Steve got drunk in Steve’s bedroom, how he’d found some dresses in Steve’s closet, the way he’d broken down and cried and said that he just liked to feel pretty, that sometimes he didn’t even feel like a boy.

Billy had held him all night. Bought him some makeup from the drugstore the next day. Probably shitty stuff, but Steve had looked at it like it was made of gold.

“I’m happy for you. I’m glad you get to be yourself here.” Steve sat down next to him on the ratty couch, leaving a solid two feet of space between them.

“You seem a lot happier out here. Like, you just seem lighter.”

“I am so much happier here.” Steve’s smile was tight, a little bitter. “I just mean, without my dad here, I’ve been going to therapy, and I have this support group for queer abuse survivors, and I’m just not angry all the fucking time like I used to be.”

“I’m proud of you.”

Billy had forgotten.

He’d forgotten that Steve had this lovely way of saying something simple and making it the best thing that’s Billy’s ever heard. Making billy realize he’d never heard that simple thing said to him before.

He didn’t even think.

Just leaned across the space and kissed Steve.

he pushed him away.

“Billy, I won’t let you do this again. It took me years to get over what you did. You can’t just kiss me and think it’s all okay.”

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Steve shook his head, went to get up off the couch. Billy grabbed his wrist. “You know, I wanted to say it back that night.”

“Don’t say that.” Steve’s voice was small.

“I did. I felt that same. But I got fucking scared. And I left and I shouldn’t have.”

“Yes, you should have. We just established that you’re doing better here!”

“But I could’ve held out a little longer, long enough that you could’ve come with me.” Steve finally turned to look at him.

“Billy, you did what you had to do. I forgave you a long time ago. When I first saw you tonight I was just, it made me remember the hurt.”

“I know I hurt you. And I’m so fucking sorry.” Steve blinked at him.

“You get one chance. One more chance. Do it for real. Take me out on a date. I want the whole nine. Pick me up, tell me I’m pretty, take me somewhere inexpensive but nice, hold my hand, kiss me on my doorstep, all of it.” Billy just nodded.

“I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. Whatever you want.”

Steve smiled at him, turning over his hand to hold Billy’s.

“Then pick me up tomorrow at six. Don’t be late.”

#yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble #i feel like im gonna throw up im just tryna write until all my problems go away honestly

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thatoneraven · 4 years ago

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..Could i request some fluff AND smut writing for The Oni x The Deathslinger, if you would? I love them and am craving content ;;

This is how Caleb fucked up his jaw. He fucked it up by trying to take all of Kazan’s fuckin monster dick. What a legend lmao.

Swallow Your Sorrows

Deathslinger x Oni

SMUT

Summary: The Oni pays the Deathslinger a visit in the hopes of drinking away his past. With the alcohol running through their veins, the two decide to find a more effective distraction.

Contains: smoking, drinking, hurt/comfort, Kazan’s fuckin monster dick, and Caleb trying to suck it

Caleb hummed contentedly as smoke flared from his nostrils. A cigarette hung from his tired lips, cherry hissing with each weary breath. His fingers drummed a rhythm into the well worn wood of the saloon, tapping away the time and boredom. Beside him sat a bottle of whiskey, only a couple sips gone. Sighing, he removed the half smoked cig from his mouth, extinguishing it on his thigh. He grabbed the whiskey, moving to take a healthy chug when heavy footsteps nearby interrupted him. He slowly turned his cold gaze to the owner of the sound, grunting in approval when he saw Kazan’s hulking form approach. “Kazan. Come for a drink?” Kazan simply nodded and settled his heavy form on the creaking steps next to Caleb. Caleb offers him a small grin and tosses down some of the deep brown liquid before handing the bottle over. Kazan gratefully took it, removing his mask with one hand. His eyes looked glossy, far gone, as he tossed his head back and gulped down the whiskey. Caleb scooted a little closer, gently placing his hand on Kazan’s shoulder. “I know that look, what’s on your mind?” Kazan’s shoulders immediately sagged, his lips dropping into a deep frown. He let out a heavy sigh, Wild hair sagging with the weight of his sorrow. “Thinking of what I could have done different. I can’t get my father’s face out of my head.” He took another swig of the whiskey, grimacing at the burn. Caleb nodded, squeezing Kazan’s shoulder. “Sometimes fate has set plans, and there ain’t much you can do about it. There’s no point in worrying yerself to death about the what if’s.” Kazan looks over to him and hands him the whiskey bottle, eyes dropping to the ground. “That doesn’t make it any easier. Maybe there really was something I could’ve done.” Caleb nods and tosses back the whiskey, frowning as he studied Kazan’s scarred face. “I know. But there’s nothing you can do about it now. The best you can do is work on bettering yerself. Put yer mind to rest, and make yer father’s spirit proud.” Kazan’s cloudy eyes wandered over to Caleb’s before dropping to the floor again. “I guess you’re right. But I’m not here to fix myself right now, I’m here to get drunk and forget for a night. One last time before I begin to better myself.”

“Cheers to that.” Caleb passed him the bottle and grinned as he gulped down a good portion of it. With a steamy hiss, Kazan passed it back and gave Caleb a small smile.

The two laid back against the wood porch, basking in the subtle warmth of the fading sunset. The warmth seemed more intense with the alcohol running through their veins, leaving them at ease. Kazan chuckled and rolled his head over to look at Caleb, smiling as the cowboy returned his gaze. “I miss real world alcohol. You could really get drunk off of that stuff. It seems like the Entity doesn’t know how to get the good stuff right.” Kazan sighed and clasped his hands over his chest. Caleb nodded in agreement. “Ay, I would give anything to have some knockout liquor right now.” Kazan hummed and sat up, pinching the bridge of his nose between two large fingers. “Me too. Maybe getting blackout drunk would clear my mind. The Entity’s knockoff whiskey apparently isn’t enough of a distraction.” Caleb chuckled and leaned up on his elbows, knocking the side of Kazan’s leg with his knee. “My presence ain’t enough to distract you?” Kazan side-eyed him and furrowed his brows. “Oh hush cowboy, you’re always a distraction. You don’t know when to stop.” Caleb laughed and fully sat up, leaning in towards him. “Maybe you can find a way to shut me up. I’m sure I’ll be an even better distraction then.” He tugged on Kazan’s armor so that their faces were inches apart as he playfully glared into his eyes. “And what would you mean by that, you old fool?” Kazan grinned and returned his gaze, challenging him to make a move. Immediately, Caleb leaned in to capture his lips in a soft kiss. Startled, Kazan stiffened for a second before relaxing into the kiss. His eyes fluttered shut as he hungrily pressed himself against Caleb. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d received physical affection, so the sudden warmth of the kiss had his gut fluttering with butterflies. Caleb swiped his tongue over Kazan’s lower lip before pulling away with a smug smirk. “I’ll reckon that took yer mind off things?” Kazan huffed and impatiently brushed his nose against Caleb’s. “Perhaps it did, but it looks like they’re coming back. Maybe you should continue?” Caleb chuckled and moved to straddle Kazan’s lap before tangling his fingers in his hair and pulling him in for another kiss. This one was more urgent, full of hunger from years of being starved of touch. The tips of their tongues softly brushed against each other, content for now with being gentle. Kazan sighed into the kiss, letting his large hands lay on Caleb’s slim hips. Caleb’s fingers played with Kazan’s wild hair, causing him to shiver with each brush of his fingertips against the nape of his neck. Caleb pecked the corner of Kazan’s mouth before pulling away to give him a smug grin. “You know, for someone as big and intimidating as you, yer awful needy.” Kazan frowned and tangled his hands in Caleb’s hair, tugging his head back to expose his neck. “And for someone in such a compromising position, you’re being awful mouthy.” He growled and leaned in to pepper kisses along his pulse, occasionally nipping at him when Caleb’s fingers would tighten in his hair. Caleb gasped and leaned into the touch, squeezing his thighs around Kazan’s own. He could feel himself slowly growing hard, the alcohol in his system aiding the warm arousal in his gut. Kazan bit down on the crook of his neck, grinning into the skin when Caleb groaned. “And you call me needy…” He laughed eyes flickering down to the outline of Caleb’s half hard dick. Caleb rolled his eyes, grinding down into Kazan’s lap and smirking confidently when he felt the semi he was sporting. “Ain’t nothin wrong with being needy.” He leaned in and gave Kazan a searing kiss before moving to kneel between his thick thighs. Kazan immediately spread them, watching with hooded eyes as Caleb made himself comfortable. He shuffled a bit, pulling his pants down around one leg. Caleb let out an aroused huff at the sight of Kazan’s length. Even half hard, it was massive. He playfully bit his thigh, kissing the mark before trailing his lips up to his cock. He could feel the heat radiating off it, along with an intoxicating scent that was uniquely Kazan’s. Humming, he kissed the base and licked a line to the tip. He pulled back the foreskin and swirled his tongue around the tip, savoring the salty flavor of precum. Kazan grunted appreciatively, running his fingers through Caleb’s hair. “You’re not so bad with your mouth occupied.” Caleb chuckled and glanced up, placing a kiss to the tip. “Almost tolerable, right?” He lifted Kazan’s dick to his mouth, enveloping the first inch in his warmth. It swelled on his tongue, eagerly seeking the pleasure he had to offer. His tongue laved against the slit, sliding down and back as he took more in. Already, his jaw ached with the effort of staying open for Kazan’s thick length. It fit snugly between his lips, resting heavy on his tongue. Lazily, he stroked his tongue along the underside as he bobbed up and down the tip. Kazan’s fingers tightened in his hair as he hissed, subtly pushing him down farther. Caleb looked up beneath his lashes, winking as he quickly deepthroated him, slightly choking as it pushed against the back of his throat. Kazan groaned, bucking his hips up into him as he swallowed around him. Caleb moaned as he pulled back, suckling on the tip before popping off with a wet sound. “God, it’s been forever since I’ve done this. I miss the taste of cock.” He wrapped his hands around it, stroking faster. “I didn’t know you were such a slut, Caleb.” Kazan hissed, his cock throbbing with arousal. “Well, I guess my secret’s out.” He chuckled before leaning in and taking it back in his mouth. He set a fast pace, hollowing out his cheeks every time he pulled back and swallowing every time it slid down his throat. Kazan groaned loudly, pushing Caleb deeper with each thrust. Caleb could only take half of his massive length before his eyes began to tear up. Despite this, he tried his hardest to take the whole length, working what he couldn’t fit with his hands. Kazan began rolling his hips into his mouth, chasing the pleasure he hadn’t felt in so long. The vein on the underside throbbed almost painfully against Caleb’s tongue as he pressed the wet muscle against it. Drool slipped from the corners of his mouth, dripping down his chin, and a few stray tears joined them. Caleb’s face was a pretty shade of red as he let the other man fuck his face. Kazan stared intensely at him as he rocked up into him, growling as his lower stomach clenched with his impending release. “Fuck, I’m close.” He pulled Caleb off him, jerking himself to his climax. Cum splattered over Caleb’s cheeks and into his waiting mouth, dripping onto his shirt and Kazan’s thighs. He made a show of swallowing what was in his mouth, and scooping some from his cheek to pop it into his mouth. Kazan purred deep in his chest and leaned back, panting from the exertion. His hand lazily stroked over Caleb’s hair as Caleb got up and leaned over him. Caleb pressed a hungry kiss to Kazan’s lips, letting him taste himself on his tongue. Kazan groaned and returned the kiss before pulling away to give him a playful glare. “And to think we could’ve done this sooner…” Caleb chuckled and slid off of him to sit next to him. “Ay, we really should have.” Getting up and stretching, Kazan grinned down at Caleb. “I’m being called off to a trial. I’ll be back for round two. Be prepared.” As Kazan walked off, Caleb stared after him in anticipation, cock jumping at the thought of what could come next.

#Not sfw #dbd #dead by daylight #dbd deathslinger #dbd oni #caleb quinn #kazan yamaoka #smut #dbd smut #dead by daylight smut

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skinks · 5 years ago

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Please Please talk to me about Maggie Tozier and what she’s like and looks like and what Dilfworth Tozier loves about her and made him put a ring on it and in general how much her two boys love her and how she loves them.

[cracks knuckles] here we go

I was looking through my copy of the book yesterday to answer this ask but then I figured, y’know what? Canon can suck it. I tend to beat myself up over accurate characterisation for Richie and Eddie, but they’re main characters, Maggie and Went are not, so the details are inconsequential. Their ages in the Dilfworth fic mean that they’d have a pretty different life experience from their book versions, what with growing up in the 60s/70s, but imo all that matters is that they love Richie and are good parents. Canon is ours now!!!

- my no.1 headcanon rn is that Maggie sings like an angel, and sings all the time. In the car, in the shower, gardening, housework, cooking. She and Went have a pretty good record collection, but if Went is listening to something and hears Maggie singing to herself in another room of the house he shuts that shit off quick so he can hear her.

- I wrote in ithots that Richie busts out into song at the drop of a hat, right? well, where Richie gets encouragement with his Voices through Went participating, Richie gets his incessant singing from Maggie, because he grew up in a household where that was welcomed.

- Maggie doesn’t even notice she’s doing it until Richie joins in, or she turns around and sees Went gazing at her all dopey, and she gets self-conscious

- until Went is like “I don’t know why. You know I think you’re a songbird” and then grins and calls her Magpie. She says stop. He says, Maggie-pie? She throws a dishcloth at him but secretly loves it because she fell in love with how frank and practical he is most of the time, but also how silly he is only when it comes to her and Richie.

- he only calls her that when they’ve had one too many anyway, otherwise it’s all sweetheart, honey, darling, Mags. Marguerite, in Richie’s stupid French Waiter Voice. “Yes ma’am” for when he’s rearranging her guts. Maggie’s the one to call him “my love” the first time, but she said it kinda exaggerated and jokey, and Maggie just doesn’t joke the way Went and Richie do so Richie noticed the way his dad just cracked tf up and was like wow, Mom must be really, really funny

- so y’know how Richie calls Eddie “my love” in the book, and is generally quite physically affectionate? He picks all that up from his parents, watching their example. Wants to make Eddie laugh like that

- for some reason I always imagine she speaks like, French or Italian fluently. I’m stealing @honeyreynolds hc that her maiden name is Avery for Tex Avery, but maybe her own mother was European. She tries to speak French with Richie as a baby/toddler so that he’ll be bilingual, and she’s so proud/frustrated because he’s clearly smart and has a knack for linguistic imitation, but his attention span is just. Non existent

- still makes lil kid Richie giggle by doing exaggerated Italian and making him guess what she’s saying

- I think she’s pretty elegant and reserved and almost shy on the surface with a rly wry sense of humour, so people tend to think she’s snooty, but she’s just... so concerned with keeping the peace and not saying anything bad about someone. Tries to see the best in people. This can lead to a lot of embarrassment when Went is so upfront and medical-frank about stuff or if Richie’s being a dumbass in public, but really she just envies their typically masculine lack of inhibition

- this is because she’s got this killer wicked streak. Maggie’s got a hidden well of scathing diatribes and Went knows it because

- they met on a plane in 1971 when Maggie was flying back to college for her final semester of senior year, and the man in the seat next to her started having an attack of some kind. The stewardesses appeal desperately for any doctors on board, nobody answers. Anyone at all? We’ll have to land the plane! Maggie’s trying to slowly shift away from this man and his spasms without seeming rude when she hears a deep sigh in the seat behind her and someone saying “I’m ethically bound to admit I have a licence in dentistry,” in a voice like he’s in on some joke nobody else knows.

- this guy unfolds the longest legs she’s ever seen and comes to squat right next to her and her apparently dying seat partner, she notices he’s nice looking and keeps glancing at her, there’s banter. Eventually he shrugs and is like “imo this man has a bad case of wind.” And Maggie just TEARS Went a new one like oh nice diagnosis DOCTOR DENTIST where’s your seatside manner?!?! what kind of name is WENTWORTH anyway! and Went’s like 👀😳😍 and then the dying man lets out a giant fart and Maggie recoils, all her pretty poise and indignation turning to base disgust and Went bursts out laughing and offers her the seat next to him

- turns out his first residency is in the next town from Maggie’s college. She’s only dated preppy meatheads before who only ever tried to flatter her and stopped listening when she talked about her music theory degree or the books she likes. But Went always grins and side-eyes her and cranks the volume whenever Maggie May comes on the hits station, because then she’ll whack him with a book. She’s so SWEET he loves goading her into releasing some more of that plane rage, like one day she’s prowling on the edge of a rant about her TA and trying to be reasonable. Went’s like, do it. You’ll feel better. So she fuckin rants her head off for ten minutes until her hair’s all dark and wild like an Arthurian queen and she looks over at Went reclining all impressed on her dorm bed and he’s like. I have never been more in love in my life. Can you sit on my face and make fun of my name again

- so yeah they’re both like, quietly distinguished and outwardly calm model citizens of Derry but in private Went is the fuckin roastmaster and is Maggie’s outlet for frustration whenever housewife suburbia gets too much

- I always picture her as having dark and quite curled hair, sort of Lauren Bacall eyes, and she’s probably tall too. Like 5’8 to Went’s 6’0 or 6’1 which is why Richie turns out to be 6’2 lmao. A family of giants. Honestly the whole time I was writing the Dilfworth fic I was imagining Mary Elizabeth Winstead, that’s my early-30s Maggie that Went is so excited to come home he’s stocking up on condoms. God I bet she’s got some of those single dark beauty mark freckles on her stomach 🥵 Wears hats with big brims. Sundresses. Secretly likes to pretend she’s on a mysterious trip to Rome as she sits in the park watching Richie catch dragonflies. Maybe when she’s older and Richie’s a teenager she looks kinda like Olivia Williams, bc I’ve had a big milfy thing for her ever since she was the mother in the 2003 Peter Pan.

- most kids in Derry have a crush on either Richie’s mom or dad or both and this is unfortunately quite damaging to his self esteem, even though Maggie INSISTS he’s just so handsome. She hates seeing him so insecure

- she tried pot once in college and hated it. The only times she comes close to getting hammered is on book club wine because it’s the only way she can get through them asserting the female orgasm doesn’t exist, then she comes home mildly tipsy and joins in on Went and Richie’s raucous game of cards

- felt a bit left out when Richie was small, with how well Went was able to go along with the silliness. Went sees this and gets Richie to make up a game where she’s Queen Margaret of the Tozier Court and made Richie a knight. They all spoke in bad Medieval Voices all afternoon, and it becomes one of those super long-running family jokes, and Maggie still feels all happy inside whenever Queen Margaret comes up

- ruthless decision maker!!! She had to be, because Went’s so laidback he’s horizontal and is always like “idc what we do as long as you guys are chill” and Richie can’t concentrate long enough to pick what colour gumball he wants, so she has to be staff sargeant. They go to Disneyland and she’s like C’MON BOYS HUP HUP HUP and Went’s like “oh cripes son we’re being hustled!!” but they love it as much as she loves them doing what she says

- great cook because of her indeterminidely Mediterranean mother.

- she genuinely wants to understand Richie’s strangeness but is also stumped as to what to do to bond with him, since she can only think of things she’d do with a daughter. She WANTS to brush Richie’s curls and bake with him but she thinks he wouldn’t like it, so they stick with singing. Is delighted when Eddie very politely and very intensely asks for her help making Richie a birthday cake. She sees how different they are together, and remembers Richie coming home at 5 years old declaring he was gonna marry Eddie Kaspbrak when he grows up, and she thinks... well, if I must have a son-in-law, I would love this one as much as I love my son.

#maggie tozier #richie tozier #wentworth tozier #ficlet

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toshkakoshka · 4 years ago

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jesse/gustavo: because i swear to god i will riot on the -10 fics available

i swear to god there has only been ONE (1) FIC thats meant way too much to me in this entire tag; op fucking got it from here and they didn’t even have to do any goddamn kissing.

yes, of course, gustavo is a favorite villain and jesse is just. my sweet baby. so i was like ayo why not and then i started laughing to myself, suddenly the camera zooms to my face and BOOM.

la idea.

unfortunately, if anybody knew me well enough, if i get a good idea i fuck around way too hard on it, regret it, and then immediately obsess over it.

so:

why this exactly? i’m a sucker for unexplained concepts. i’m also very bad at picking a common preference, and as much as i don’t like walt/jesse to be romanticized it’s like... hard to push away the fact that their relationship explains the reason why jesse can’t exactly leave.

jesse’s a sweetheart. he’ll take the responsibility to care about anyone and he’s just so malleable and vulnerable, and it’s horrible to witness the fact the show really hammers that shit in. walt is just incredibly unworthy of the concern he actually shows him and we all know it. he doesn’t belong to this world, he deserves to have a good life with people he loves, but these worlds obviously just.... don’t fit.

at least, if you turn the perspective into something to where this has to be his life now.

i dunno. you wanna pick all the men in jesse’s life? it’s not the... well. it wasn’t the considered option but it’s certainly better than walt; and so we pick: Gustavo Fring.

first impression? awful. but fortunately for jesse, gustavo’s actually seen the potential in this kid. i mean, you gotta be very special if you’re the junkie who gets picked to do work over someone who actually has knowledge over this shit, right? that’s the fascination. the intrigue. but he thinks, for the fact he’s witnessed how innocent this kid actually is, that it’s easy to manipulate.

not so fast: jesse knows how to read through situations now. he knows how gustavo’s words and ways are, he knows he’s dangerous, what does this dinner mean? a personal warning. gustavo is not happy, but he’s begrudgingly impressed that jesse knows how to read it the way it is.

it’s not about the challenge, that gustavo’s intrigued by. it’s the fact that he was right about having to find that there’s more to jesse than just his first impression.

also, do yall like... notice that gustavo has a very specific way of smiling when he’s being the boss of los pollos hermanos. the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. a real smile always includes your eyes crinkling, but the more you look into this man’s eyes it’s genuinely just. plastic. gustavo has never smiled outside of that incident. gustavo has never expressed any emotion outside of pure rage and terror, meanwhile back in the older days, he actually used to take better action.

guess who actually let him have the smirk of pride?

jesse.

back in the mexico epsiode, where the kid proved himself to actually be a leader in leading this shithole of a lab? yeah, sure, big dick = being good impression for power, probably also cements the fact that he’s incredibly useful for the future of the empire (lmao what empire am i right haashdahfhdf *sobs*), but my ass has Witnessed both better call saul and breaking bad to fucking confirm that this is probably the only genuine time gustavo has smirked. IT REACHED THIS DUDE’S EYE, LIKE, IDK WITH YOU BUT THAT’S A FEAT IN ITSELF EVEN IF IT’S JSUT A SLIGHT TWITCH. IM PROBABLY GOING INSANE BUT IT LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE

you know what makes me salty is that it seems like not a lot of fics invest in this fact, but gus seems to just have the absolute worst time handling emotions. yeah, sure, all of these guys are dudes who repressed their trauma, but we all have FIRST HAND WITNESS as to how that fucking came to be. his emotions disappeared from losing the one person who he’s had such an intimate connection with, it’s probably even the last time he’s cried or screamed considering we see none of that shit. gustavo twitches, shakes, but the rest of his rage comes from killing people and even that it’s just pure silence. he’s so viscerally broken that it’s actually heartbreaking to know how easily he can just shut it out until he’s alone.

and i bring this up ‘cause this is the factor of potential in the relationship that i’m obsessed with. i’ve been absolutely taken by the headcanon that max used to be like jesse, he had a talent in picking things up but had the unfortunate habit of using in the middle of it all.

it’s a punch to the gut. seeing someone young, inexperienced but already so exhausted. gus doesn’t know if it’s pleasant or if it’s absolutely splitting, but for every twitch in gus’s expression and the way he’s slowly approaching jesse beckons him into having to forcefully realize that the walls that he’s put up are slowly, ever so slightly, reaching.

for the first time, gustavo wants to feel it for himself.

it’s about what could have been, really. he feels affection for him, and he’s... he’s not afraid, or angry about it, it’s more of something confusing and nostalgic and it’s awful, but he wants to hold jesse’s face in his hands and care for him the way he knows how.

or, if he still ever really remembers to.

he tries not to let it get to him.

for jesse, on the other hand, we know what’s going on with him: it’s horrible. it’s unfortunate. someone come give this kid a hug (*AHEM*)

he’s the before process of everybody involved in this goddamn show.

what could this guy possibly ever really see in a monster like gus?

well, for one thing, in spite of everything, he could never stomach another death unless it really had to be done. even then, he’s only human. and because he knows that gus has told him that he sees something in him, that’s given him that leverage to know what kind of person gus must be.

like, he’s curious. but he also wants to hear that he can make somebody proud, and that somebody could adore him for that. (and they do, don’t worry baby)

so what’s jesse’s end on the bargain?

what he wants in a man is a figure who actually deserves the care he gives. he craves affection and love and is unintentionally working through those barriers, wanting to know things from gus that the guy has never really bothered to specify.

he... hates to think about it. but theres something that he really, really wants from gus’s positive attention. it’s earned, and deserving, and it’s rare but gus wants to be a person sometimes, too. jesse makes him feel like a person every time he fucking drags him through the dirt, but the fact that he’s never changed the way he’s spoken means that it’s the equal footing they have to be on.

so sometimes he accidentally catches the looks: the unrestrained relaxed demeanor gus adapts, lingering grasps on his shoulders. to him, gus is a man who’s probably never touched anybody without the intent of strangling to death, but he’s about to be wronged. semi-wronged. gustavo has never given affection in a long time, but now he’s giving this random kid a soft spot because it’s a relationship that he for once has never been yelled at for being all wrong or doing everything badly.

maybe that’s why jesse wants to know about it. being special will always mean so much to him, because clearly it’s been difficult to get that. intimacy is just a differrent thing when it comes to the both of them. it always starts with attachment.

#letra #breaking bad #gustavo fring #jesse pinkman #im crying idk if mkaing a breaking bad blogs gonna be worth this but heres my first essay headcanon for this fandom lmaooooooooooooooooooooo #ugh shoulda remembered that old ass fandoms just. have to be utilized with the recent tag so hgngngngnggdsnfdkjlfdakdafnkkadf #jestavo #<- yes #it is what u think it is #anyway its 3:33 am here #after this yall gone hear my horrible impulse au which is just jesse being a twitch streamer selling gamerboy bath water while he lives #with gustavo whos gaming against his will #his old ass boyfriend is exhausted of him

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finding-fallen-stars · 4 years ago

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YGO Questionnaire Part 2 Electric Boogaloo

So, my gf/bf @howaboutalittlehelpneos tagged me to do this again a... good long while ago, and I had wanted to wait until I'd finished my GX rewatch before trying this again. But ouch oof I accidentally also got through all of 5Ds again before getting to this lol

But the 5Ds rewatch definitely reshaped a lot of my thoughts, so... cracks knuckles. This won't be spoiler free, fair warning~

Favorite Series: ugh the formatting killed my original essay on this but okay GX and 5Ds are pretty tied in my book, now-- I love them equally, but in different ways! GX fulfills my love for subversive coming-of-age stories with a heartwarming, humorous, and also soulcrushing touch, and I love how each season brings a new story and new characters-- it's like reading installments of a novel series, and I think the formatting works wonders for it as a whole. It has some absolutely phenomenal character writing, too-- even the characters I dislike are ones I can appreciate for what they introduce to the story! And honestly, not enough people give the first two seasons of GX the credit it deserves: they're half the charm, really. How are you going to feel the full impact of the heartbreaking content in seasons 3 and 4 if you aren't properly attached to the characters?

But on 5Ds's side of things... it fulfills my love for stories with time loops, found family, human nature, and of course, love and death and how they intertwine. I love how the leading characters are just a bunch of broken kids from broken circumstances who all find a home with each other, and of course, how it highlights class disparity and how fucked up the prison/"justice" systems are. Yea, sure, maybe it underwent executive meddling and all, but I genuinely love it for what it is and I wish more people appreciated it... my only problem with 5Ds is the untwist with Z-ONE and then the ending s m h I adore it overall and I could go off for a long while on it. Overall, these are my two instinctive recommendations for anyone getting into Yugioh!

(look at these boys they're so important) Favorite Protagonist: Oh, believe me, absolutely nothing has changed here-- Yusei Fudo is and always will be my favorite protagonist, and my rewatch only solidified that.

I just... love him so much? He's seen so much hell in his life and carries so much guilt on his shoulders, but he still has room in his heart to believe in others and to believe that anyone can defy fate and find hope even at rock bottom. I love that he's initially introduced as this quiet, brooding figure when he really just turns out to be a huge softie who wears his heart on his sleeve half the time and wants to bring about change for Satellite and its people. Plus I just really love that his greatest flaw is something that would ordinarily be a positive trait-- he's Overly self-sacrificial, to the point where he's basically setting himself on fire to keep others warm, and that's not really framed as something Heroic

Just... he makes me so happy. I have two Yusei charms that I ordinarily keep on my keys (one was a gift from Zenzen) and they're a constant source of serotonin for me. He's Peak comfort character for me. Best protag in my book Favorite Rival: Same deal here-- still Manjoume!

look at him he's so important

While he spends a lot of the anime getting the good old damsel in distress treatment (getting suckered into a cult, getting knocked into a coma, becoming a zombie, getting fucking Killed, etc), I still think his character arc is really well-written overall and I only appreciated it even more when I watched GX again. I love the fact that he's got a soft heart he buries beneath the edgy facade, and that he's simultaneously really sharp and also kind of dense lol. He's just a fun character and watching how he evolves from episode one to episode one hundred eighty is such a satisfying journey.

Plus, props to him for being such a versatile duelist-- 50 wins in a row is HARD as is, let alone with a deck full of cards he just found laying around in the Arctic. Three ace monsters, three different archetypes... he's a really good duelist and I'm proud of him for it

Oh, but honestly, I don't really dislike any of the rivals-- I'm neutral towards Revolver and Reiji, but the remaining four (Kaiba, Manjoume, Jack, and Shark) compel me. yes I accidentally wound up liking Jack Atlas shhh Favorite BFF: Honestly, I really like most of the characters who fit this archetype-- Joey, Crow, Gongenzaka, Soulburner... I still lean a little bit more towards Joey, but I really appreciate all four of them. I'm gonna say Joey again, just because I find his evolution as a character the most compelling, but I appreciate the other three a lot. Soulburner has the best design though Favorite GFF: Oh absolutely still Aki, but I honestly... really love most female Yugioh characters? I'm assuming this is lead girls only, but like. I'm dumb and gay and I love Girls so this is naturally the most difficult one for me to answer lol

Aki just resonates with me the most because she's the prime example of how trauma doesn't always manifest in palatable ways-- when we first meet her, she's angry and lashes out at anyone and anything just because she wants the world to suffer in the same ways she's suffered, and then... we get to watch her grow from that, once she's free from Divine and able to heal the way she needs to heal. I know the second half of 5Ds didn't give her character the attention it deserved, but I'm still proud of her for winding up on the path she did-- seeing her channel her power and energy into wanting to heal and help others was just so good and was one of the few things I really Loved about the 5Ds ending.

oh, but like. Asuka Tenjoin and Aoi Zaizen are very close seconds for me!!! Aki just has a vice grip on my heart Favorite Villain: Okay, it's still technically Vector-- I think he's the most entertaining, well-written, and effective villain out of all of the ones we've seen so far, but... I also want to add Takuma Saiou and then all of Yliaster as honorable mentions?

As someone fond of tarot myself, I was naturally pretty intrigued by Saiou the first time I watched GX, but my attachment to him only grew the second time around where I actually got the chance to understand his character better. Plus, like... the visuals with him are fucking astounding and he's always so interesting to watch.

As for Yliaster, I just... really love how the big bad of 5Ds turned out to just essentially be a broken man desperate to save anyone and anything and three robotic reconstructions of the friends he'd lost. I still think the untwist with Z-ONE was stupid and I much prefer the idea of him and Yusei being the same person, but I'm still compelled by the other three-- well. Paradox less so, because we don't get a lot of Paradox lore, but. Aporia and Antinomy for sure.

ugh Yugioh has some damn good villains

Favorite Card: now that I actually play the TCG game...

Stardust is always going to be my favorite of all cards because it checks every box for me (my favorite YGO character's ace monster, space theme, what more could I want), but Aromaseraphy Rosemary has really become one of my aces in my best TCG deck! I'm still mastering irl plays, but I'm happy with my progress and I love my plant gang...

Favorite Episode: alright, here's where there's actually been a Lot of change, so...

Season 0: Episode 16: "Turnabout by a Hair's Breadth - The White-Robed Crisis" -- The more I think about this one, the more I love it; there's a... lot of corruption in the medical industry, and I've seen a lot of it firsthand, so just. Seeing a corrupt doctor get what he deserved at the end was cathartic, in a way? Plus, a Jounouchi-centric episode is always a good time.

Duel Monsters: Episodes 96-97: "Darkness vs. Darkness/One Turn Kill" -- this hasn't changed, I still love seeing Marik and Bakura bitch at each other for two whole episodes LMAO

GX: Episode 152: "Activate Super-Fusion! Rainbow Neos" -- This one hasn't changed and it likely never will-- I take so much pride in seeing Judai push forward, past the fear and guilt he's carrying, all to save Johan... it's cathartic and I never get sick of watching it.

5Ds: sweats. still all of Crash Town, but also episodes 137-147-- the Ark Cradle is one of my favorite parts of 5Ds and one of my favorite YGO arcs period, and even though each duel is a fucking gut punch, I love the emotional intensity and weight in each episode... It hurts but in a mostly good way

Zexal: Episode 143: "The Aloof Duelist 'Nasch': The Destined Final Duel" -- this one hasn't changed! Still hurts, still love it, I still weep over Ryouga Shark Kamishiro on a daily basis

Arc-V: Episodes 81-82: "Our Respective Battlefields/The Ultimate Falcon VS The Black-Feathered Thunder" -- Okay, honestly, this was hard because I... genuinely. really don't like Arc-V very much at all lol (it's just not my cup of tea, but more power to those who do like it!), but I thought this duel was a lot of fun! Shun is my absolute favorite from Arc-V and I really like the friendship he struck up with Crow a lot, so here we are

VRAINS (so far): Episode 25-26: "Virus Deck Operation/Three Draws Leading to Hope" -- honestly I am so biased because I just really love Blue Angel and I loved seeing her get a well-deserved victory like this lol. I'm not done with VRAINS, so this is probably gonna change, but anytime Blue Angel or Soulburner are on screen, I'm happy

Favorite Decks to Use: Aromages will always have my heart, but I adore Cyber Angels too! I'm building my Trickstar deck, my Synchron/Stardust deck (just waiting on Dawn of Majesty...), and my Magician Girls deck, too! Fusion, Ritual, Synchro, XYZ, Pendulum, or Link?: Synchros my beloved... but also Ritual Years in fandom: I've been here for just a little over one year now! and I wuv it... I'm never looking back Who am I tagging: no one I'm too shy

#yugioh #ygo tag meme

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alluringoneirataxia · 4 years ago

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Long Winding Road Stay Strapped My Dude

By: Astoria Cathryn Andromeda

Alrighty, this is a long one boys. So I touched briefly on this in my Welcome to Literally Everything post. No worries I'll recap you, so you don't have to switch back and forth. I just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and then ADHD when I was 18 years old, and even then I had to fight for it after countless hours of research. See, there seems to be a wee bit of misogyny in the neurodiverse diagnoses. When I say a wee bit, I mean that scientists used to think that only boy could be autistic or ADHD. They only studied autism in males. Fortunately, nowadays we know that girls can be autistic and/or ADHD, but we present the traits differently than boys, and a lot of our traits are played off due to gender roles in society. For example, being overly talkative in girls is called chatty, whereas boys who can't sit still are sent off for testing immediately. This also causes problems for the boys, because little Johnny gets put on Adderall at the ripe age of 6 years old, just because he can't sit still for 8 hours straight, which by the way should not be expected of any elementary school kid, By the time, he's 25 he's 1) completely dependent on amphetamines 2) his body will stop producing dopamine due to being on the medication for so long. Nicht Gut. Generally, boys who are on the spectrum get picked out earlier due to late speaking, or lack of social skills. This is the one thing that girls happen to do better than boys. Girls are good at masking, which is basically taking social traits, phrases, personalities, demeanor, and copying them. In public, they put on a mask and at home, they have a meltdown. Girls are still not picked up as being on the spectrum, because shyness is called being 'ladylike' and 'dainty', and having a meltdown is just because :( girls are oh-so emotional, boohoo. Anyways tons of women do not get diagnosed with autism until they are well into their adulthood, I actually can be considered lucky to have technically still been a teenager when we finally got all the pieces together.

Alright, let's start with I don't know me as a baby. I did not speak until I was 2 years old, and then it was immediately full sentences from then on. I didn't do the babbling thing, which I don't know how impactful that really is to the topic. I was a very shy little girl. I was teeny tiny, we didn't know I if I was going to make it to 5 feet tall until I had a big growth spurt in 7th grade. I am 5'2 now and definitely done growing in case you were wondering, so not that short anymore. I did not like talking to adults, especially strangers, especially men. I did not look anyone in the face, and I will always hide behind my parent's legs when they would try to introduce me to people. I am an only child, and I spent a lot of time entertaining myself. I always had seasonal affective disorder, where my grades would dip in the winter. My parents knew I had a timer, they had 45 minutes from the moment they stepped into a restaurant before I would start breaking down. If I got off schedule as a toddler in any form, it was a catastrophe. Or this is what my parents and family tell me. I didn't really notice. I did not like being out in public a lot, I was a very picky eater, and I was extremely hyper. I was a very eccentric child, I only had 1-2 close friends and they were always a very well-liked outgoing girl who I just followed around. Looking back, I don't know how we missed it. I was shy because I didn't understand how social interactions worked, I was anxious about it because I didn't understand, I had sensory overloads, routines, and a very bland diet with a safe food which was ketchup. I put that shit on literally everything, eas, apples, mac and cheese, pizza, all meat, anything something forced me to eat that I did not like. But because I could sit still in class, and because I could zone out and daydream all day through school and still make A's nobody ever flagged me for anything and how I was supposed to know that not everybody just copied other people, scripted things before they talked, and could never pay attention. My mom always required me to be in a sport, and I was a gymnast and a swimmer for a long time, two very high-intensity sports, to help lower my energy levels, and because my mom has mild depression and she knows that exercise does help. Skip to middle school, my mom tells me I'm being bullied at church. It's not that I wasn't observing my surroundings I knew I was being excluded, but I didn't understand vindictive behavior, I thought it was my fault. I had zero friends in 8th grade until I sat down next to a random acqutaince I had gone to school with since I was 4 and the same gymnastics place. Then we were immediately attached at the hip after that. She is my best friend due this day and definitely got me through high school. Led me through so many social situations without either of us knowing. I had a very close friendgroup in highschool, all of them were on the drumline which I met through my best friend, and my first boyfriend was my best friend's neighbor. I ended up playing bass guitar for my high school's indoor drumline, and it was the best experience ever. I love my friends, but I had really bad depression when I was 15-now:) jk It's better. I didn't really realize I was depressed, I just didn't want to go to school, or swim practice, or do anything so of course, my mom noticed, and then once it was pointed out to me it got worse. My severe anxiety spiraled with my depression. Senior year of high school, my boyfriend and I were like toxic star crossed lovers, hurting each other over and over again without meaning to. My friends and I were self harming, all my close friends gad some demon going on. I finally decided to try therapy again after the disaster of being forced to go when I was 15 and the lady told me I wasn't depressed because I had a boyfriend and good grades. It helped a bit, I was able to get my panic attacks under control. Then I went away to college and stayed dating my senior high school boyfriend, we were just up and down as always, but with slightly better communication. My freshman year of college I joined a fraternity, a research lab, and my first hs boyfriend/ex/best friend and I went to a Christian campus place. By second semester, I had a lot of people who knew me and talked to me, but I didn't have any close friends, and even less close friends who were girls. All my close friends who were girls were at another college. My parents were worried about me, so they made me rush a sorority, which I knew was never my scene, but my parents made me join and I found a few girls I liked. Soon I was going to 6 classes, fraternity chapter, research lab meetings, christain crash group meetings, soriorty pledge meetings all on every Tuesday. I was different person at each of these events and wore a different mask. I was having what I know now were autistic burnout meltdowns every single day on the phone in my crusty dorm's stairwell. It was not cute. His mental health had always been bad too. Finally I decide I need to try a psychatrist and go back to therapy, and then he broke up with me. Then I made my first close friend, a guy who was in 3 of classes, and I took him to my fraternity's formal, and then coronavirus happened. Rona kinda saved my grades, and mental health by sending us home event though it did suck. I got on anti-anxiety meds and things went up, but I was still having what I thought were panic attacks, they were austistic meltdowns. My psychiatrist, he's kinda an asshole, he diagnosed me with Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I'll insert definition here: (OCPD) is a personality disorder that's characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.> Basically hr told me I had rules for everything like how everyone drives on the right side of the road, but nobodythinks about it andwhen I broke one of my rules I got depressed, and when wasn't perfect I got depressed, and when I made an A I was relieved not proud. The diagnosis seemed to fit really well, and my therapist and I started working finding my rules, and getting rid of the bad ones, and making the others less harsh. I had thought every once and in a while in my life when I was really upset, what if I'm on the spectrum, because I just felt so hopeless for social interactions and I didn't understand. I always felt like I was a very specific person, but after the ocpd I started thinking more and more, and I saw a tik tok of a girl with lae diagnosed autism basically describing me and ranting about the misogyny. I did more research and I decide, yea I'mm gonna bring it up to mypsychatrist well he's a dick, so he was like um you don't act like sheldon cooper from the Big Bang theory,and I was like wellI just I have always thought I might have adhd like be neureodiverse, and he was like your grade point average in hs was a 97.8%, you're not adhd. I immediately cried, because I can't handle when anyone says anything in a even a slightest stringent tone. I'm baby, I know lmao. It made me angry though because I felt like he just brushed away all of my struggles I had in my whole life. I spent hours researching and typed up a 47 page document on evidence for why I was on the spectrum, and had my parents help will some of checklists to make sure I was getting outside perspectives. I rally my parents to be my back up and next psychiatrist appointment we actually talk about it and he asked my parents questions about when I was young and such and finally he was okay you're on the spectrum. I felt so validated and like I could start being myself. I slowly got more and more confident, changed my style of clothing, and researched more about adhd pushed to be tested, and oh look at that I also have ADHD. So basically discourse: "I feel like as a child I coded a machine to do life for me so I didn’t get bothered except I didn’t know about the machine I thought i was the machine and now I’ve become self aware and I have to learn how to read the code and rewrite the code because it’s dysfunctional because I’m not functioning well as a human being. I was really shy as a child. I would turn beat red when people talked to me or looked at me so I think I started cookie cutting situations and using them over and over again because they worked until I accidentally hard wired these expansion rules and expectations for myself. I didn’t may attention is class ever I just day dreamed and if I got good grades i wouldn’t be bothered i could just stay in my head and if I did my sport well my parents didn’t bother me. I was never asked if I did my homework I just did it so I wouldn’t be asked and have to deal with that situation. I would cookie cutter situations in class that would draw the least attention to myself.

I feel like i don’t have friends I just fulfill the expectation like a side quest on video games" I wrote this down pre autism confirmation when i just thought I had ocpd. Now I don't directly identify with ocpd, but I definitely think I developed that personality disorder a bit from living with undiagnosed autism. I am linking below the very informative Tik Toks by the lovely Paige on autism in girls. The imposter syndrome one really hit home. I had had so many panic attacks about thinking I tricked people into being my friend, or thinking I was smart.

I highly suggest watching these short tik toks, you'll definitely learn something

https://vm.tiktok.com/wVvcYA/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqRRUf/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnqhvX/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqeyYg/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnoE7u/

https://vm.tiktok.com/Kas6gB/

https://vm.tiktok.com/owM9hs/

Imposter syndrome

I am also linking an article about Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory and Autism that explains why my psychiatrist was wrong, and also I am a girl and the spectrum is called a spectrum because it's a fucking spectrum no two autistic people are exactly the same it's like a color wheel.

http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/problem-sheldon-cooper-and-cute-autism-387783

Here is a fun comic about the spectrum and how to view it.

https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

I am still learning about myself, and how to be me, and how to be myself but without breaking bad social rules. It's quite humorous though because I'll learn something is related to autism and I'm like oh shit again, like still, like, we're still discovering things.

"Tu ne me manques pas"

Bis später,

Astoria.

#asd #autisminwomen #autism #actuallyautistic #aspie #aspie memes

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ambitionsource · 4 years ago

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S2 Rewatch - Maggie’s Take [ 207 ]

oh honey we’ve got a big storm coming...

Favorite scene

We’re getting to the point now in the season where all these questions become a million times harder to answer. All the scenes have an oomph to them. All the characters are at their richest. All the performances go off. So forgive me for cheating and giving multiple answers from here on out most likely. So in 207, three answers jump to mind. 1) The sequence where Farkle is having his true meltdown, before “Santa Fe.” From a writing standpoint, I remember I was really proud with how that scene turned out. It was a fun challenge, trying to capture that anxiety and panic and loss of reality. A fun fact that you may or may not know is that nearly all of the lines of dialogue said by the hallucinated characters are repetitions or variations on dialogue that has actually already been said in the show, meant to highlight how Farkle’s brain has taken these (usually offhand) comments and held onto them obsessively and in some cases even warped them into something more antagonistic than they were. Then there was the pattern of tying the sentiments together into one overarching monologue of sorts, repeating that thematic word over and over, “enough.” It was just so fun to write, and I’m really happy with how it came together. 2) The Dylan, Lucas, and Asher argument in the booth. Ooh, buddy. This was a true turning point, both for the narrative and for Asher and Dylan as characters. To me, that is the scene where they rise from supporting characters to mains, and in some ways it’s a long time coming. I love how it highlights the imperfections at play between that trio, and the way that Lucas and Asher know exactly how to get at one another, but nothing gets me more than Dylan’s “HEY” and stepping in between them. How Dylan snapping seems to be what pulls Lucas out of his anger, and how Dylan’s anger only lasts seconds before it shifts into like shock / concern... ugh I love him. I love them! Definitely a standout scene, even back when I first wrote it, but even more so now that Dylan and Asher have such larger roles in the third season. 3) The unintentional coming out scene between Riley and Charlie. The whole thing is just rich with tension, like I love the moment where Charlie is like you can’t tell anyone you can’t -- and she just interrupts him and it goes dead silent until she’s emphatically like I would never tell anyone... like chills, bro. Chills. And the relief that comes from Riley finally understanding why he’s been acting the way he has... so good. The follow up to this choice is the Zay and Charlie scene at the end where the freedom of someone knowing seems to allow him the strength to kiss Zay in their studio... I love them. I love it all. Whew.

Favorite performance

It’s getting hard... it’s getting tough to choose... like “Santa Fe” is up there because of the raw emotion of it and what it represents for Farkle and his arc. “Loser” is great too, mainly in concept, as we have Dasher acting as Lucas’s subconscious mind essentially and all of the cool choices in the production of the number. But I think I will have to go with “Waving Through A Window,” as that is such a standout performance in my opinion. It delivers emotionally, it has a cool flow and concept, there’s snow... whenever it comes on AMBITION shuffle I’m like oh yeah. Now we’re talking. And I love the visual of Isadora being stuck on the acting block / courtyard table, always inches from falling off the ledge but managing to avoid disaster. It’s just a really cool visual in my head. So that’s the top for me I think.

Favorite character (within context of the episode)

I literally can’t choose. I don’t know what to say. I think I’ll say maybe Charlie and Zay? Both in their storyline together as well as individuals. They’ve both got great solos (“Consideration” and “Exhale”), Charlie has his devolution emotionally and Zay finally (righteously) snaps at Angela. They find refuge, in Riley and Harper and of course each other. There are standout moments throughout the episode for their relationship -- holding hands at the top in the studio, Charlie hugging Zay in the hallway to comfort him and telling him it’s okay, the fraught moment of Charlie snapping at Zay about being at his locker which feels like a tiny unintentional step back, Charlie’s frazzled kiss on the cheek in public, the ending scene with another handhold and the softest kiss... ugh I love them. They were at a peak this episode, which makes sense considering what’s about to come...

Favorite line(s)

“You know what, you’ve got a lot to think about. Let me just get out of your hair. Best of luck with this next phase in your life, sir. Save a little social security for the rest of us provided climate change doesn’t kill us first!” --Lucas James Friar, to Eric

“I mean, but what am I going to do instead? Follow in the footsteps of my mom? I won’t survive veterinary school, Mister E. And you can only cure lung cancer once!” --Darby Winters

“Might be nice to help combat the impending danger of climate change and issues with renewable resources by studying environmental sciences or maybe aeronautical space engineering in pursuit of space materials that could be used as new energy sources. Ooh, or a rodeo clown!” --Dave Williams

“Actually, I’m near-sighted. But I wear contacts.” --Dylan Orlando, in response to Eric asking if his future plan is “short-sighted”

“I looked into “space cowboy,” but as it turns out you need a degree in aerospace engineering as well as a license to boy cows, and that seems like a lot of work. So then I thought, well, if I don’t have the capacity to work, what else is there in this capitalistic hell we call society? Sure, I could probably enter myself in human cage fights and scrap to death for spare change, but I think that would hurt after a while and to be honest, I think I’d feel a bit like a piece of meat if I took up that mantle. Who would I be fighting to impress? The bourgeoisie? Hard pass. But after some deep, probing soul-searching, I finally hit the one. Trophy husband. Now, I know what you’re thinking. To accomplish such a grand ambition, I’d have to get someone to like me. And that’s a pretty hefty task, believe me I know, but I’ve devised a work around. This is, as Dave would say, galaxy-brained thinking, Mister E. I’m going to put an ad on Craigslist.” --Lucas James Friar

“It’s easy to say you believe in someone. Showing up for them is a different story.” --Zay Babineaux

“We’re friends, Lucas. We care about you. Asher wasn’t lying about that. And when you decide you want to do something about this, we’ll be there. When you need us... we’re going to be there for you. No matter what.” --Dylan Orlando

“I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse, but the truth is it all comes down to endurance. How long you can take it, how long you can stick it out until it ends up being your shot. The true test of who lives the dream is who hangs on… and who gives up.” --Harper Burgess

An underrated moment

There are so many it would be so hard for me to pick one if I thought about it too hard, so I’m gonna go with my gut. My favorite mini moment in the episode is during the end montage, when Dylan climbs in the window to comfort Asher. There’s a lot of small details I like about it that occur just within like 30 seconds -- Asher’s routine with crushing up his anxieties (a thing elaborated on in Cruel Summer), how commonplace it is for Dylan to climb in the window, and how he jumps into comfort mode and they both fall into that without any words at all. I just love it. And I can picture the way Dylan kisses his cheek and then his shoulder and then rests his head against him so perfectly... I adore them. They are angels.

First impression vs your reread impression

Obviously, even when I wrote this last year it felt major. Because it is. This is the turning point episode, literally and narratively. It’s smack in the middle, and from here I knew everything was going to be bigger and more, especially since we pulled the (metaphorical) trigger with Farkle. We knew that was a narrative risk, but we felt strongly about it, and we took every method we thought possible to set it up well, be cautious about it to y’all (with trigger warnings and hotlines, etc.), and then follow through on it in a way that balanced realism with care and attention. I think we managed to pull it off, but it was a great relief that you all reacted so well to it (in terms of the narrative, not like joyously LMAO) and trusted us to carry it forward. That kind of trust in a writer means a lot, and that’s what I’ll always remember when I think about this episode. Thankfully, we all survived it, and now here we are on the cusp of S3. Insane. And now onto 208... the storm is here...

#s2 reread #s3 countdown #rr: by maggie #rr: 207 #what an episode. what a time.

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cr0wprince · 4 years ago

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Now I’m afraid my name might be brought up though. I did some shitty things with her when we were friends. It’s been five to almost seven years (five since the last time I spoke to her and almost seven since I met her). I was 17-18 in the time I knew her and I’m very easily influenced by the people around me, but I’m ultimately responsible for my actions. I saw another ex-friend of hers brought up (not by name) and now I’m kind of scared.

I’m gonna be a little vague and my memory isn’t the best (I try to block things out as a defense mechanism), but I’m going to try to recount it, just for my own benefit. I’m not even going to name her, but will refer to her as LR. I don’t think anyone cares tbh lmao

I met her in 2014. It was probably February or March, so I was 17. We were both cosplaying Attack on Titan, very big at the time. Someone posted in a con Facebook group that they made a cosplay group for the area/con for Attack on Titan. I only had my jeans, shirt, jacket (that I made), wig, and glasses for Hanji at that time and I posted a picture, “I’m not too confident in how I look, but here’s my cosplay.” and she commented that it was a good cosplay. We went from there, started chatting, and made plans to meet at the con. She was 19 at the time, of it really matters, but we were still age appropriate friends.

The con comes by. I didn’t wear Attack on Titan the first day, felt kind of left out when we started meeting other people from the group. She’s always been a social butterfly (I think it’s an attention thing more than she actually enjoys it tbh, but I might be biased??) and I’ve been really shy about approaching people after being bullied in middle school. The next two days I wore my unfinished SNK cosplay, didn’t have the belts, but had a fun time.

She ran a panel and promised that I could be Hanji in it and let someone else be Hanji as well, and this person got more attention because she was more outgoing, which kind of bummed me out, but at 17, I was a very jealous cosplayer and would get jealous about people cosplaying the same thing as me. Not a healthy mindset, but it is what it is and you grow from it.

She had told me she was in pre-med (I’m going to remind you she’s 19 at this point, not unusual but it’s what she tells me next which is the questionable part) and that she’s going to start on the medical stuff the next year. I’m 17 and naive and don’t question it. I know now pre-med takes four years. This is an example of her lying to me/holding things in.

We continued being friends with the SNK group, had meetups at a local park, and whatever. She lamented to me about not being able to go to Colossalcon because she couldn’t afford it or something and my parents pay for cons, so I talked them into letting her stay with us. I had started cosplaying Ymir to her Christa and I did have a cry privately to LR when another girl cosplayed Ymir to another girl’s Christa because the other Christa felt left out by me being LR’s Ymir. I felt jealous they got more attention, again, not a healthy mindset, but I was 17 and convinced I was going to be a professional cosplayer. I know now it’s a bad mindset. LR took my meltdown the wrong way, which I’ll get to later.

It wasn’t long after, maybe a couple months. She had stopped hanging out with the friend I had met her with at the con, which I realize now is kind of sus, but I didn’t think anything of it at the time. But anyway, a couple months later at most, she makes a post in the Facebook group that she’s been feeling left out of the SNK group. A few people from it got together to talk about it, she finds out, and I get pissed. I make a big post in the group about how they’re purposely leaving her out. I’m loyal to a fault, and sometimes it blinds me. It splits the group, they still keep together, but LR and I separate from them.

We move on to different series and start doing cosplay photos. It’s something I wanted to do for a while. She’s a little hesitant, but I hype it up and she eventually gets into it. At Otakon, she asks mentions if I’d be okay with her cosplaying Juvia (a big comfort character of mine, and one I’d failed to finish a cosplay of that con, but I’d gotten Levy done, which still worked with her Lucy) and I’m thrown off guard. I tell her no lmao. I mean really though, what would I do? But it’s important later.

I have big plans. I don’t always finish my big plans. I want to do a ton of different cosplays and she feeds into me. She finishes things while I normally don’t. I realize I shouldn’t have agreed to do so many, but also, the one’s she made aren’t unwearable? She can cosplay without me matching? But it’s something she internalizes.

We book lots of shoots. It’s fun! We don’t get the most expensive photographers (we’re 18 and 20 at the time) but it’s fun. There’s a particular photographer I wanted to work with and she books her since she’s dealing with it at this point since I have a lot of anxiety talking to people. By the time the con rolls around, my costume didn’t work out the way I wanted and my skirt is held up with safety pins. It shows in the photos, so does her back acne. She goes on a tangent on her Facebook cosplay page about how unprofessional the photographer is, how she doesn’t edit photos for anyone but her friends. I, unfortunately, share it. At that time, neither of us have a big following (I still don’t, she doesn’t really either, only 3,700 after she remade, but did have almost 10k at one point), so it doesn’t go far. The photographer and friends stick up for the photographer and it doesn’t go anywhere luckily.

I’m falling deeper into depression at this point. I’m not finishing projects I’m supposed to do with her, messages are spotty on my end. We still do a couple of cons together. The next con of the first we met at comes around, I don’t have anything done, I’m mortified. I skip a whole day. It’s in driving distance so it’s not like I was wasting a whole hotel day. She gets photos solo. It seems fine.

She messages me one day that her parents kicked her out. Something about a fight over her mom saying minimum wage workers don’t work as hard and LR snapping back. Her parents were really nice the couple of times I met them, which isn’t always indicative of how someone really is, but now I feel in my gut that there had to be something more. It feels like petty reason. She moves into her grandparents (and further selfies match that, so it seems like it had to be bad if she never went back). She messages me this and I’m thrown so off guard. Yeah, we called each other best friends. We didn’t talk to many other people as far as I knew at that point, but I had no idea what to say. It’s bad on my part, but I didn’t answer her for a week.

She didn’t message me or anything, didn’t delete me off Facebook, but vague posted me there about being there for people when they won’t be there for you, and people were hyping her up. I realized it might’ve been about me. I called her crying, terrified. Sent her messages. I don’t exactly remember what transpired, but did make up.

There was a point she told me she was dropping pre-med to become an accountant because it took a year and she wanted to focus on cosplay. Again, stupid 18yo me believed that that made sense and was like, “Oh okay!”

We went to a couple more cons, I’m pretty sure she was using me. We make plans for Youmacon, but I don’t message her for like a week in September of 2015. She asks if I’m okay (the only time) I tell her I’m doing really bad. We don’t talk until close to the con. I admit to her that I was thinking of admitting myself to the psych ward it was that bad, but though I didn’t tell her that, it’s ultimately a very hard, very personal choice. (I made it in May and it’s not an easy choice.) She tears me a new one, saying I should’ve went, that I was using her for companionship. She said she had plans to go to another con?? So the way I see it, she cared more about going to a con than anything else. She never checked in on me after I told her I was doing bad, just to take my time.

She has a new bff at this point. This is going to be so cruel, but her new friend isn’t as put together, which is fine! Cosplay is for fun! But I mention this because they get photos together. After my obsession with becoming a professional cosplayer, LR got into that mindset too. I’m so fucking sure that she used this other girl in photos to look better next to. The difference is so obvious in photos.

I make a cosplay that LR cosplayed when we were friends. I’m so proud. I haven’t finished anything in months. I cosplay a couple of things she did, but we were friends at one point, we like the same series, and there are a lot of big series. It’s bound to happen.

She vagues me on Instagram. She continues to stalk me on there (and I did her, not proud of it, but I’ll admit it). She posts things about how an ex friend had a breakdown over her having other friends (when I confided in her my jealousy over the Ymir/Christa duo), how I wouldn’t let her cosplay Juvia lmao (this still gets me. What would I do? Break your arm? You asked me on the spot and I was uncomfortable.). There was one Juvia cosplay post that I mentioned I had lost weight because while my uncle was dying, I wasn’t eating. I was helping with cleaning his house and I just wasn’t fucking eating. She took that as a jab about her because she has self image issues. There was also a big post she made how she KNEW I was cosplaying all the same things as her to make her jealous and to make her insecure, mentioning me by name even. I reported it and it got taken down.

I’d heard things through the grapevine. How she started shit in the Fate community and she was afraid of being beat up at Katsucon’s public photoshoot. How she tried to make a Love Live group, but when two girls couldn’t afford it and they would no longer have all nine, she threw a fit and cancelled the whole group. I’d also heard about her making a fuss over photos she got back when a cosplayer’s grandparent was dying. I stayed away after like a year, but a couple of people who knew me that knew I was friends with her would tell me things.

I wasn’t the best person, either. I’ll take responsibility for that. I wish I could apologize to the people I hurt while friends with her, but I no longer remember their names. I was a dumb teenager. I still get swept up in the people around me and get carried away when the people I are about are hurt. Maybe it’s something I need to work on. But, I ultimately don’t think she’s grown. I don’t think she’s gotten better. I think she’s only gotten worse over the year.

I’m not proofreading. There might be more, but it was a lot to go through, but I wanted to get it out. I hope the read more works, but I’m gonna throw on a long post warning too. If you read this, thank you, by the way. I just felt like I had to get it out.

#rachel’s rambling #long post

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years ago

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358.

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? >> Kyocera. (Is that brand even still around...?) What are your 3 favorite internet sites? >> I don’t know. tumblr’s pretty cool. Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. >> I only have one pair of blue jeans. They’re... just jeans, I don’t know what to describe. What profession do you respect? >> I can’t think of a profession I don’t respect for some reason or another. Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? >> No.

Have you ever ate something you’ve dropped on the floor, if so what? >> Probably, but it’s not something I generally do (especially nowadays). Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? >> I can’t even drive, dude. How do you know when you’re in love, what’s the main sign? >> I remember when the situation with Wednesday resolved, and for like a week afterwards I would randomly remember that he existed and would feel pretty happy about it for a few minutes. And I literally was like, “omg, is this what people are talking about when they talk about being ‘in love’???” at Can Calah lmao. The moral of that story is that I have no idea what being “in love” means and I often labour under the suspicion that people are just exaggerating or something. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? >> Yeah, I’ve had everything from t-shirts to towels to a copy of Watchmen autographed (the person who autographed the copy of Watchmen was in no way related to that book, I just had no other paper products on me lmao), by various musicians. I don’t have any of those autographs anymore, because I ceased to find them valuable in any way. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? >> I prefer Target. What do you long for? >> I’m good with language but not good enough to put this into words. If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? >> No. What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? >> Me, personally? Not put so much energy into “self-improvement” that I completely lose sight of what I actually want out of life and what kind of person I actually want to be. Everyone’s got a million opinions about how other people should live their lives, but frankly, none of them are living mine, so. Maybe I’m happy the way I am. Maybe self-improvement is a thing that happens organically and I don’t need to be constantly “working at it” like it’s a fucking race or something. Everything’s self-change, bitch, let’s eat some fruit. What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? >> Having a brain that sometimes finds it difficult to focus on things for various reasons. Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? >> I think it really doesn’t even matter anymore. Things will go the way they’ll go and I don’t need to be involved. What tragic love story do you relate to? >> I’m still looking for one. Has your intuition or “gut” served you well? >> More or less, I guess. What’s the longest you’ve ever waited in line for something and what was it? >> I don’t remember. Who is your favorite model? >> --- What have you done that is out of character for you? >> LOL nothing is out of character for me. I’m not that kind of character. Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? >> Either is fine, but I’d rather someone get me a gift card than something I’m not going to have any use for. Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? >> What. How do you handle a betrayal? >> I don’t even know what a betrayal feels like. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? >> Nothing. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? >> --- If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? >> I wouldn’t want to own a restaurant. What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? >> I don’t use the closet. What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? >> --- What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? >> Continued to live my life the way I do. Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? >> No. Do you believe in karma? >> No. Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? >> I’m honestly not all that concerned about either. Do you believe in the term “Mother knows best?” >> It doesn’t apply to me or my life experience at all, so. Who is your favorite movie action hero? >> *shrug* What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can’t get elsewhere? >> --- How important are looks in someone you’re in a relationship with? >> Important enough, I guess. I don’t think I’d have a good relationship with someone if I can’t even stand to look at them. What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? >> *shrug* ???? What are you most thankful for? >> The internet. LOL Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? >> No. What was the last book you read? >> The last book I finished is Factfulness. What’s your favorite online store? >> I don’t have one. What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? >> I’ve entertained the idea of being a stage tech or something like that, but that’s an extremely impractical and stressful kind of life for someone like me for several reasons. If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? >> I wouldn’t. Do you have common sense or do you think people are lacking in it? >> I don’t believe in the concept of common sense in the first place. I think people learn stuff and it becomes so practical and useful in their life that they assume that everyone else knows and applies that same knowledge, but that’s not necessarily true. What’s your favorite non-alcoholic drink? >> Jasmine green tea, apparently, considering how much of it I could drink in a day if left to my own devices. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? >> I like the idea of them, but in reality I find them too disorganised and overwhelming for my needs. What do you like to put gravy on? >> Biscuits and gravy is the only gravy-related thing I like. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? >> No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? >> When I think about how much I’ve gone through and how it could have made me worse off, but none of it did. I really do feel as though I am stronger for my trials, so that kind of rhetoric definitely applies to me. What is priceless to you? >> Nothing, I guess. What do you wait for discount sales to buy? >> Video games, oftentimes. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? >> --- What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? >> --- What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for someone? >> I consider some of the leeway I’ve given to people in relationships to be crazy as fuck. Like, people have done and said some flagrant shit to me and I just fucking let them, lmao. And I’m not just talking about in the distant past, I mean just as recently as last fucking year. What kind of madness is that? I hope I’ve learned my lesson, at least. Do you keep a budget? >> Not a formal one, no. I don’t have many issues with keeping a vague mental record of how much money I’m spending and how much I can afford to spend. If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? >> I don’t want to cast spells on people. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? >> A good sleep, I guess. What is the funniest joke you have ever heard about? >> --- Who depends on you the most? >> I guess Sparrow depends on me for certain specific things, like my memory lmao. But nothing too big. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? >> I doubt it. Has one of your biggest fears come true? >> No. Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don’t understand? >> --- Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? >> --- Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? >> No. If so, what were two things you wanted? >> --- Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? >> Yep. What I like about the subway is how extensive it is, and the fact that it runs 24/7/365 (although *insert 50 salty memes about MTA service delays and interruptions here*). I miss it a lot, despite its many not-so-awesome features. What song on your playlist gets played the most? >> --- Have you ever received a harsher punishment than you deserved? >> Sure. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? >> --- Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? >> Yeah, doing or feeling or experiencing something myself is the easiest and most reliable way for me to fully grok it. Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? >> --- Finish the next line in your style: Roses are red, violets are blue… >> --- What embarrasses you instantly? >> --- Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? >> No, because 1) I really don’t want to be one, so jot that down, Do you often read your horoscope? >> No. What current event are you tired of hearing about? >> Literally all of them, to be honest. Not necessarily because people are being obnoxious about them or anything, but just because I don’t care nearly as much as the average person does. Are you a daredevil? >> No. What common pitfalls do you find yourself dealing with in your work life? >> --- Describe your “poker face”. >> Er. What do you think should be censored? >> Personally, I don’t want anything in my purview censored. But I don’t speak for all of society, and I don’t believe I should, either. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? >> I wouldn’t know even if I was. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? >> Maybe, but I’d rather just never be faced with that decision. How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? >> I remind myself that they’re temporary and I do shit that I enjoy. Have you ever fired a gun? >> No. Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? >> I don’t believe in this “full potential” nonsense. It usually sounds like code for “how I believe a person should be”, and if that’s what you mean, then at least have the stones to say it. How are you different from most people? >> I’m not different from “most people”. That feeling is just the human brain being a human brain and forgetting how mind-numbingly common most experiences are once you widen your perspective. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? >> The ability to admit to one’s mistakes and learn from them. Because you’re going to make them. A lot of them. Doesn’t matter who you are or how many books or mommy blogs you read or how many other children you’ve had or what you think you know, you’re going to make. a lot. of mistakes. And if you can’t get used to that and do your best to learn from them without punishing yourself or placing blame or getting obsessed, then you’re going to do a lot more damage than good. What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? >> Humans. How do you feel about GMOs? >> I think the whole process is interesting, and I think there are clear benefits to genetic modification, and I think there are clear detriments to genetic modification, and that’s just how it goes. Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? >> Yeah. Because I was on stimulants. Who is a female role model in your life? >> --- What childhood dreams have you neglected? >> --- How often do you reevaluate your life? >> Eh, not often. It doesn’t require a whole lot of scrutiny, to be honest. What’s your favorite place just to hang out? >> My room, lol. What gives you a zest for life? >> Lemons. *rimshot* What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? >> Hmm. I don’t know, man, I think I’m pretty good at visualisation. What three things do you think of most of each day? >> I don’t know. Would you travel to space if possible? >> I sure would love to... Name a famous person you wouldn’t mind for a business partner. >> No.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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makeste · 6 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 034: “Sorry... I Overdid It”

Previously on BnHA: Deku was brainwashed by Shinsou and almost lost the match, but managed a comeback with the help of some weird mystical intervention from what appeared to be the previous users of One for All. Anyway, he broke his fingers and used the shock of that to snap himself out of it, then ran over and basically just tossed Shinsou out of the ring. It was all a lot more entertaining than my description makes it out to be.

Today on BnHA: Shinsou is revealed to be a nice guy who took a quirk that was all but tailor-made for nefarious purposes and was like, “eh but I kind of want to be a hero though.” Deku asks All Might about the mysterious One for All bullshit that went down in the previous chapter and asks if it’s important, and All Might says no. You know, like a liar. Todoroki’s dad picks a fight with his son in the hallway. This annoys Todoroki, so to blow off steam he goes out and casually freezes half the fucking stadium.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 70 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

damn what a cool cover though

my poor lukewarm son

looks like Shinsou is getting a Tragic Villain Flashback!

does it count as a Tragic Villain Flashback if you weren’t really a villain to begin with though

and honestly he might have shown enough here to still get placed in the hero course after this. but like, in class B’s hero course. class A is still tops, you’re not kicking any of them out. well, Mineta though

Shinsou’s old classmates all seem really nice. “you can brainwash people? how cool!” instead of “you can brainwash people? [slowly backs away and never speaks to you again]”

good kids. good, overly trusting kids

aww, he looks really sweet here actually

and he’s thinking that with his ability everyone half-expected him to become a criminal

like, I feel bad for thinking the same now lol. but you can’t blame people for being overly cautious though, what with this kid having an ability that could so easily be used to manipulate people and they’d be helpless to do anything against it

and here we are back in the present, and he’s lying on his back looking frustrated and Izuku’s standing over him triumphantly!

LMAO Kaminari

he sure did, Kaminari. he suuuuuure did

and now here’s another shot of Shinsou being what seems to be way more than just four inches taller than Deku

now Deku is flashing back to the dialogue from last chapter where Shinsou was saying that Deku was naturally blessed

and he’s asking Shinsou why he wants to be a hero

yes Deku! go jesus that son of a bitch! you’re in the big leagues now!

awwww I really like this response from Shinsou

so basically he didn’t decide that he wanted to be a hero, he just does

Deku is empathizing with him something fierce now, but he doesn’t know how to respond

just need to stop overthinking, Deku. that always seems to be your biggest problem with these things. when you’ve got those main character instincts, it’s okay to go with your gut

now the gen studies kids are giving Shinsou props and saying how great he was just to make it this far

Shinsou stop I already have three teenage sons, I can’t fucking afford this

everyone is talking about how great his quirk is. did they all understand what was going on? if that’s the case, honestly Izuku should be getting even more praise for managing to throw it off

I WONDER IF HIS MOM WAS WATCHING, INCIDENTALLY. IS SHE PROUD?? DOES SHE REALIZE YET THAT HER SON SOMEHOW HAS A QUIRK THAT HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE. OR ARE WE SAVING THAT REALIZATION FOR THE TODOROKI MATCH

whenever and however it happens, I can’t wait to see it, because I feel like there’s no way he’s making it out of this without her finally realizing. to hell with the oblivious parents tropes, she’s been supporting him all this time and she deserves to know. but more importantly, past a certain point it’s going to be impossible for her not to know. even All Might’s going to have to realize that eventually

(ETA: ugh so he apparently did tell her that he had a quirk now. but he lied about how he got it. I mean, it’s nice that she knows that much, though. but it’d be great if she could be more in the loop about just how important he is. even if it’d probably give her a heart attack lol)

anyway I got sidetracked by suddenly remembering that Deku’s mom exists

now Shinsou is giving a speech about how he’s not going to give up. just put this boy in class B already, U.A. just admit your entrance exam is broken

LMAO

LOL THIS SHOULDN’T BE SO FUNNY, BECAUSE SHINSOU IS GRINNING AT HIM RIGHT NOW AND SAYING IT’D BE EASY TO MESS EVERYTHING UP FOR HIM, WHICH IS PRETTY DISTURBING. BUT SOMEHOW IT IS FUNNY. HE THOUGHT HE WAS SAFE

anyway, thankfully Shinsou isn’t That Much of a Dick, and he just asks Deku to promise that he won’t lose pathetically

I’d call that a successful shounen jesusing, wouldn’t you? “SHINSOU HAS JOINED YOUR PARTY”

and now Deku’s in Recovery Girl’s office

“I couldn’t smile at all” loooooool. it’s true. actually he doesn’t really seem like a smiling hero type so far tbh. All Might keeps telling him to do it, but whenever Deku gets really fired up, he gets this crazy face thing going on instead. which is terrifying, mind you

All Might begrudgingly says he understands why Deku didn’t manage to smile, given all of the shit talking coming from Shinsou’s end

looks like Recovery Girl did heal Deku’s fingers. so what was all of that bullshit back in like chapter 7 about how he’d run out of stamina and die if she kept having to heal him? or was she just trying to put the fear of god into him so that he wouldn’t keep fucking himself up every two chapters. because if that’s the case I’d understand tbh

now RG is turning and like backhanding All Might because somehow all of this must be his fault lol

YES now Deku’s asking All Might about that FREAKING WEIRD THING that happened back there with OFA

“one of them had your hairstyle” fucking how did he pick that out? I went back and looked at it myself and couldn’t make out a damn thing

(ETA: it’s clearer in the anime, but if you’re trying to Where’s Waldo him from the manga panel good fucking luck)

but anyway he’s asking if it was the souls of the previous people with One for All

and the answer is obviously yes... right?

“what the? that sounds scary?” ARE YOU SERIOUS

okay he says he did see them once when he was young, and that it means Deku’s getting used to the quirk

apparently they’re “the traces of the quirk’s past bearers”, but they can’t directly interact with Deku or influence him or vice-versa. sorry Deku, I guess you don’t get to go into the Avatar State or chitchat with Vongola Primo today

also this apparently means that Deku did in fact overcome Shinsou’s brainwashing with his own strong will. ...like, okay, so part of me is proud of Deku, but on the other hand it should have been impossible! and also, what a weird freaking coincidence then!

unless All Might... is lying :’D

“yeah I’m still not really convinced.” me neither Deku. that was way too disturbing to just be a one time thing that never comes up ever again. and All Might really is being way too dismissive of it and telling him not to dwell on it at all

but why is he not telling Deku the truth though

now Deku is leaving

and All Might is having a private conversation with Recovery Girl

ooooohh

IS IT A BAD THING FOR YOU??! IS THAT WHY YOU DIDN’T WANT TO TELL DEKU??? HOLY SHIT I’M FUCKING TERRIFIED ALL OF A SUDDEN

NOOOO damn it we’re cutting to something else. fuck

it’s Shouto and his garbage dad

"you disgrace me, Shouto.” by what, coming in first place? not being a massive turd of a person at every conceivable opportunity?

of course not! the “disgrace” is that he didn’t use his left side

lol this is exactly what Shouto wanted, honestly. gets to win and piss off dad? fucking great

"remember, your duty is to surpass All Might.” hahaha. hey Endeavor, remember when I told you, “fuck you”? fuck you

-- ?!!!

um. what

Shouto do you have brothers whom I also need to take into protective custody

(ETA: in the anime the word Endeavor uses is “niisan”, so it’s an older brother(s). oh my god. is this like a GotG Vol. 2 thing where Endeavor just went out and did it with a bunch of different people until he finally got the right combination. jesus christ)

(ETA 2: so yeah he apparently has a lot of brothers and some sisters as well. and it’s pretty much exactly like GotG, except that Endeav didn’t actually murder all of his “failed attempts”, at least. so... that’s something? not really, though? like he’s still such an asshole omg?)

ALSO, WOULD IT KILL YOU TO JUST PICK A CHARACTER TO BE LIKE, SHOUTO. ARE YOU HIBARI? ZUKO? SANJI? WHO EVEN KNOWS

come to think of it, Endeavor doesn’t actually look all that different from Sanji’s dad

the rest of this conversation is just stuff we already knew, but damn Todoroki is looking fairly pretty here

in like, you know, a ~dark~ way

now Deku’s joining Iida and Ochako in the stands!

Todoroki’s fight is starting!

poor Sero is so fucking screwed

OOOHHH

SON OF A BITCH THIS KID DID NOT COME TO PLAY!!

HE’S STILL SCREWED BUT I SURE DO ADMIRE THAT FIGHTING SPIRIT

HE’S PULLING SHOUTO OFF HIS FEET?? HE ACTUALLY HAS A CHANCE IF HE COULD JUST GET HIM OUT OF THE RING BEFORE SHOUTO’S ICE POWERS TAKE EFFECT

UH OH

LOOOOOL SHIIIIIIT

I think this is the first time he’s made this face! I always enjoy seeing faves just snap for a sec and go totally fucking nuts

OHSHIII

is my boy Sero fucking dead now

even fucking Aizawa and Mic jesus christ

everyone’s like... just give him the championship belt now lol

THE ICE LITERALLY STOPPED LIKE SIX INCHES AWAY FROM DEKU’S FACE AND HE WAS IN THE STANDS

POOR SERO IS JUST WEAKLY MUTTERING, “THAT’S OVERKILL...” OH MY GOD

WELL I’D CALL THAT A WIN BY IMMOBILIZATION

LMAO EVEN MIDNIGHT IS HALF FUCKING FROZEN

“SERO CAN YOU MOVE?” “YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT”

SERO, YOU TRIED AND THAT’S ALL ANYONE CAN ASK

EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS THAT HE NEVER HAD A CHANCE. I HOPE THEY DON’T HOLD THIS AGAINST HIM

awwww Shouto is apologizing and says he overdid it

he was just annoyed

literally can anyone possibly stop this child? [LOOKS AT DEKU]

MEANWHILE DEKU IS WATCHING TODOROKI CLOSELY AND OBSERVING THINGS THAT NO ONE ELSE IS NOTICING AND THINKING THINGS LIKE “SOMETHING ABOUT HIM SEEMS REALLY SAD”

EXACTLY HOW MANY RIVALS ARE YOU GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH, DEKU

THIS LOVELY CROWD IS RALLYING AROUND POOR SERO IN THE SAME WAY THAT PEOPLE APPLAUD ENCOURAGINGLY WHEN AN INJURED PLAYER MANAGES TO WALK OFF THE FIELD UNDER THEIR OWN POWER

TODOROKI MOTHERFUCKING SHOUTO MOVES ON TO THE SECOND FUCKING ROUND

BONUS:

why would you wear a jacket that’s so ridiculously small on you

here’s another one whose favorite thing is cats. you and Aizawa should get together and visit one of those cafes

I like that Horikoshi’s whole inspiration for the character was “give this guy a power that is Obviously Meant for Villains and then have him be determined to be a good guy”

honestly, it’s a good move. I hope and assume we’ll see more of him after this arc

#bnha #boku no hero academia #makeste reads bnha #midoriya izuku #shinsou hitoshi #all might #endeavor #todoroki shouto #sero hanta #good try sero #good try

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