#something tells me this would be roman if shiv ever got pregnant

[kimwexlers-brownhair]

MST3K - Crow Is Pregnant

[richeeduvie]

I love to stir the pot… imagine if when Logan and baby came out about her being pregnant, Kendall or Roman made some snarky remark about her getting an abortion

Glassed

Roman's looking like he's about to say something filled with blood, that it's about to burst on the tip of his tongue with his head low. His finger presses against his glass. You think he's been getting drunk, or...you know so.

You can't stop yourself from knowing him, even after all this time.

You don't catch Kendall's look or two at your bump. It's there, even in all it's slightness. You roll your head. Logan takes a bite of his meal. It's been a hard day for everyone. The pregnancy, perfectly difficult and cryptic means you're away from Waystar more often. So, you don't have all the details of what went down in the offices, but the tense, Roy routine silence and smooth but snarked banter tells you enough about the day. Logan's gone into another fight with his children.

"So, Pop - are we going to find out if Roy number five is a girl or boy or we'll they pop out as a genital-less surprise?"

Connor smiles sheepishly. You smile at him, taking Logan's hand.

"I've left it up to the patriarch of the house to decide."

"Each one of you were left up to chance, the next one will be no different."

"Abortion at the gender reveal would be fun."

Roman's soft and standard humor hits your heart like a baseball bat. Things clink and go quiet.

Except for your baby, who kicks - it would be something to celebrate and your muscles feel it so, but not with the silence. Not at this moment.

You turn over your fork, looking at the way Roman doesn't look at you.

"Let's not talk about abortion when the pregnant party is very willing to give this family another little member, Rome-"

Connor tries, turned to Roman. Roman clicks his head to the right as he scratches his cheek.

"You have a lot of material. Throw yourself a gender reveal party and when you and Dad cut into a cake - I mean, just imagine it, a coat hanger and baby bits in black and red icing-"

Before Roman's words can really hit you, his words are broken by the way glass crashes and cracks against the wall - just past him and his curled up upper body.

Clinking and yelling and everything else ensues. You realize your hand isn't holding Logan's anymore.

"Dad! What the fuck?"

"Jesus Christ."

Kendall's up and in Logan's face, Shiv's wide eyed with Tom's arm around her shoulders. Pissed, everyone's pissed or in panic.

"You okay, sweetheart?"

It's Frank's hand on your shoulder. "It wasn't me who was almost glassed. I'm fine, you okay?"

"I-"

"I'm fine! I'm fine, not the worst thing Dad, I'm fine, Dad. But not the worst thing I've ever said either. That gets a glass?"

It takes a one-second glance at his father, at your low-browed husband who still sits in his chair.

"Sorry, sorry - enough with the snaps. Fuck."

"What business is it of yours to defend his words, you want to stare down at me?"

"Throwing a glass during fucking dinner? Are you-"

"Everyone, just calm down!"

"I'm going, I've got chips in my ear."

Roman's himself when this type of thing happens to him. And it has, over and over and over. He pulls on his ear on the way out. You forget, with a hand to your stomach, that it's not Caroline or Marcia that has to settle Logan.

It's you. But you just swallow instead.

"I have to-I have to use the bathroom."

Logan barely listens with all his redden eyes baring into his second eldest son. You move out quickly, heels clicking against the floor.

You make your way to the bathroom. Your heart beats against little kicks.

Somehow, this is where you're the small one out of the two of you. The white and gold-trimmed door creaks and puts the sight of Roman dabbing his ear in front of you.

"Fuck your baby. Look what your baby did. If I was the one that stuffed you, it would've gotten my humor, but it'll probably get Dad's aim. It was better when we were younger, right?"

"...I think they found it funny. Do you wanna feel?"

Anything to make him feel better. It's instinctual.

You swallow. Roman looks at you through the mirror. He blinks and holds his bloodied tissue up.

"Wanna lick?"

"This is the second time they've kicked. They know how to take a joke, I think."

Then he's not looking at you and you would know what he thinks, even then - but the moment where both of you exist, unfortunately...you just want him to touch you.

Platonically, to feel his sibling kick. To feel him.

You watch Roman's throat bob and turn. His eyes follow your hand to your bump.

His throat bobs again as he kneels. He presses the red of his ear to your stomach.

He presses in. You watch his quick, uneven blinking at each kick - each flutter.

"At least someone can get that I'm the only one that says what we're all thinking."

[bamboobrat]

succession s4 e1 recap: bridget random-fuck and the logan roy selfie fiasco

happy return of succession, everyone! and with that, my completely unhinged and ridiculously time consuming recaps. i was honestly not sure i wanted to go down this rabbit hole for another season, but given that it is our last, i think i'll have to.

my coping mechanism currently is complete and utter denial. let's see how long that lasts.

we start off the episode at the most depressing birthday party there ever was. did you think the season one birthday party was bad? at least there was baseball and logan nearly dying. in season four it's all greg calling himself an honorary kid and fingering a girl called bridget in the guest room.

something tells me logan is regretting teaming up with tom and greg right about now.

in california, the siblings are pitching investors on a new media venture. as per usual, there's a lot of bullshitting involved and i can't tell if kendall is high or not during all of it, but it's nice to see the sibs be a team - at least for now.

back in new york, kerry is not happy with greg bringing bridget random-fuck to logan's party. couldn't agree more.

as for shiv, she is totally fine with the idea of tom getting a drink with naomi pierce.

this is definitely the face of someone who is fine:

if this was any other show, i'd launch the theory that shiv is pregnant right here. but this is succession, so that seems unlikely.

also, maybe i'm just projecting, knowing that snooks is pregnant.

either way, we've got a fantastic shiv episode on our hands. can't wait for sarah to win all the awards.

connor is polling at one percent, but is getting squeezed. as willa says, it's all super greedy, since his opponents already have all the other percents.

frankly rude to do my guy con and the conheads dirty this way. what would an election be without an unhinged billionaire, i mean, i can't remember. it's the american way.

anyway, this is the look of someone who has just been reassured he will still be part of the business, even if he gets a divorce:

super reassured.

bridget random-fuck keeps causing problems. first, she posts about a pierce family member being at the birthday party on social media, then she asks logan for a selfie saying, and i kid you not, kar-ching.

all the unhinged gerri kellman lesbians immediately notice her in the background, judging.

bridget is like an unhinged version of greg in the first episode of season one. good for her.

meanwhile the birthday boy is having a great time without his kids. nothing screams birthday like contemplating your own mortality.

i've also seen some posts that are like "wow so much has happened in ONE year", indicating that this is logan's 81st birthday, but i'm not sure. they don't mention his age specifically, so i think we can just live with the ambiguity of whatever timeline we are comfortable with.

i personally think it's been a few years at least. if not, shiv and tom's marriage would have lasted what, six, seven months? rude.

after shiv's phone call with tom, the kids start realizing that logan is planning to buy PGM (again), and they immediately back out of the business venture they have been planning for the last few months.

and the award for most delusional goes to kendall for this comment:

roman is the only one that's not into buying up a dying media conglomerate because he is a girlboss. he's really the only one who wants to build up a new company from scratch and i'm so proud of him.

what a journey we roman fans have been on. truly.

logan takes his best pal, colin, on a date, and we realize, once again, that logan respects the people who work for him more than he ever will his children, because his children have been given everything all their lives.

logan does a whole "is there anything after death" shakespearean monologue and the odds that he will die by the end of this season are forever in our favor. this pleases me:)

connor wants to use his wedding as a political stunt, which makes me think the timeline of this season will be super short. will all the episodes take place during the ten days leading up to the election?

seems strange, given that they travel to norway, but it's an interesting thought.

greg has sex in the guest room and logan has CCTV. or at least tom wants greg to believe he does. anyway, i don't really want to get into it. poor bridget.

gerri, it seems, is still out in the cold after the dickpick ordeal. truly destabilizing to see our queen on shaky ground, but also good for her that she gives less of a fuck, leaving karl to look like this:

perfection. he is and will always be a true foodie.

anyway, logan doesn't take the news that his kids also want to buy pierce well.

on the west coast (in napa?), nan is truly weaponizing her liberal image and the whole "i'm just an old lady who doesn't understand capitalism"-vibe.

it's a sight to be seen.

roman, of course, sees right through her.

but it doesn't really matter, because the roy kids are too occupied with waging war on their father to notice they are getting played.

and to think i'm lowkey rooting for this idiots...

greg doesn't want to see what happens in guantanamo and leaves dealing with random-fuck to colin, the one true hero of this show.

gerri is straight up not having a good time.

we need to save her.

the kids offer up 10 bill for PGM. it feels extremely rushed and stupid and driven by revenge, but i'm glad to know roman knows how many zeros there are in a billion.

someone get him to new york asap so he can show gerri.

the kids win the bid and logan is not happy:

this is the look of a girl who needed a win. bless her heart.

because eventually, shiv goes back to new york and has to face tom, the traitor, disguisting boy from st. paul who wants her to talk....

... and if you know anything about being emotionally repressed, you'd know that is absolutely not an option.

so they lie there for a bit and hold hands and all of a sudden i realize that this stupid show has done it again. they made me care about a bunch of terrible, rich people. AGAIN.

i hate you, jesse armstrong, i really do.

during the last scene, we get one of the best lines of the episode:

logan is at home, alone, watching ATN and calling cyd to complain. i honestly can't tolerate cyd slander. that being said, i do hope we get a war of the networks between ATN and PGM moving forward.

if you stayed with me for this entire recap, congrats. you're just as demented as i am.

for next weeks episode, i need more gerri. i bet you are all surprised to hear that.