#something something subconscious. its still their wish after all

[zigrethsnotebook]

Hello @zuekdaria and thank you so much for your kind words!!<3 It means a lot to me that you enjoy my little stories so much🥰

I think your ideas are lovely and I would love to morph them into one story featuring Ford, I hope that's alright with you! I hope you enjoy<3

Still waters run deep

Ford x Reader

words: 2,584

tags: sfw, fluff

You had moved to Gravity Falls early this year and needed a job quickly to get your footing. Something that would get you enough money to pass the time until you found the job you wanted. The Mystery Shack, owned and run by Stanford Pines, or Stanley Pines as you later learned, was the perfect place for you.

You were a good worker in Stan's eyes: always on time, never stole anything and did the work he asked of you. However, he was a little puzzled by you. You weren't the most outgoing person. The only times you talked to him instead of the other way around was when you needed something from him. Be it a new task, some clarification on a task or something else entirely.

He also noted that he never even saw you smile. Stan tried to tell you that it would look better for the customers when you greeted them with a smile at the cash register, but he never actually saw you do it.

However, being the massive flirt he is, he tried to get a rise out of you one way or another whenever he had the chance to. You always kept your cool. Unfazed by the old man and his weird but charming persona.

At least that's the way it looked to him. To you, he was slowly becoming your friend. You liked working for him and just generally having him around. So much so that you subconsciously started to put off looking for a different job.

Summer rolled around and you found yourself in the midst of the Pines' family drama. You didn’t mind that much, they had quickly all become very dear to you.

Then, Stan finished the portal and got his brother back. You didn’t know about the portal, of course. So, when you came to work the next day and saw a man who looked like Stan eyeing the souvenirs in the gift shop suspiciously, you didn’t even bat an eye.

At least not until Stan entered the room as well and you had to do a double take. "Ah, perfect. I see you've already met my brother, Ford." Stan's hand came down on his brother's shoulder who looked at him and then to you. "Oh, hello. I didn’t even hear you enter."

Stan laughed loudly. "Yeah, she does that. Not very talkative. But she gets things done and that's what counts." Ford raised an eyebrow at you, scanning you from head to toe. You didn’t flinch under his gaze, quite enjoying his eyes on you.

As much as Stan was charming and good looking when he wanted to be, his brother was something else. They shared the same good looks, of course, but Ford carried himself better. It made him appear taller, more put together. You liked him.

Stan and Ford quickly came to an agreement that Ford would stay in the basement and keep all his science and research down there, for the kids' sake. What that really meant was that Ford barely saw daylight at all. It quickly started to worry you.

The gift shop was slow one day, so you asked Stan about his brother. "Has Ford eaten today?" Your question was short, but Stan was surprised you asked it at all. "Not that I know of. Why, you wanna bring him something?"

"Yes." Stan wished he could read your expression. Were you just concerned about Ford's health? Did you see something in him? Either way, there had to be a reason and he decided to keep a closer eye on you.

After you got an 'okay' from Stan you made your way to the kitchen and prepared a simple meal. You took the plate back into the gift shop where Stan opened the Vending Machine Door for you.

You knocked on the door to his lab and the door swung open on its own. Quietly, you stepped inside, looking around the new room until you reached Ford, sitting at his desk with his back turned to you.

He was too focused on his work to notice you. Without a word you moved next to his desk, moved a few pieces of paper out of the way and placed the plate onto the wooden table.

Moving his papers was what made Ford look up at you with a raised eyebrow. He eyed the plate you set on the desk. "Did Stan put you up to this?" You found his eyes. Gorgeous big brown eyes. "No." You turned around and left again, leaving Ford looking at the door and the plate in bewilderment.

This became a daily routine. At the end of your shift you would prepare a simple warm meal for Ford and bring it to him without saying much or anything at all. You understood how important his work was and you didn’t want to bother him. Just wanted to make sure that he stays healthy.

A few days into this, Ford came up the stairs suddenly and started looking around the shop frantically. "Whoa, whoa, Sixer slow down. What's gotten into you?" Stan held his hands up as he stepped closer to his brother, calming him down.

"I lost... a creature got loose. It must be in the shack somewhere. It-It looks like a little orange fairy." Stan calmed him down further and asked if the fairy would be dangerous. Ford explained that it was entirely harmless, which seemed to ease Stan's worries. He was always so worried for Dipper and Mabel, it was very sweet.

After they both looked around the shack for a while and came up empty-handed Ford went back down with a sigh and Stan went back to his office. You sat at the register, reading a book. Stan didn’t mind you reading a book at work as long as you did all the things you needed to do.

After a few minutes something caught your eye. At first you thought it was a bee, zooming around the shop but as you looked more closely, you realized that it looked like a little person. This was the perfect opportunity to help Ford with his research.

You grabbed an empty jar from behind your counter and quietly made your way over to the shirt that the fairy was looking at. In one swift movement you put the jar over the fairy, using the shirt as a lid until you quickly put the actual lid on the jar.

You were careful not to shake the jar too much as you made your way to Ford's lab. Down there, Ford was scribbling away in his journal again. Without a word you carefully placed the jar on his desk. He looked up at you with wide eyes. "Thank you!"

You just nodded and headed back upstairs. God, the look on his face was everything to you. You wanted to see his face light up like that again. The rest of your shift you spent daydreaming about Ford and his big brown eyes. Surely, you would see them in your dreams that night.

When your shift was coming to an end you once again prepared something for Ford to eat and brought it to him. "You know you don't actually have to bring me food every day, right?" You looked at Ford. "I know." He furrowed his brows. "Then why do you do it?"

You thought for a moment, not quite brave enough to tell him just how much you care for him. "It makes me happy." Ford's expression softened and he chuckled lightly. "Well, you could have fooled me. I was worried you saw this as just another chore."

"I don't." Ford smiled at you and you felt like you were about to melt on the spot. "Well, in that case, thank you very much for looking out for me." You nodded and left the lab again.

Ford looked at the door for a moment after you were gone. He could not read you at all. It drove him a little wild. He seriously thought you hated having to come down here every day until mere moments ago.

He continued his work for a little while after he had eaten your food. Then, as he brought the empty plate back upstairs and found Stan in the kitchen as well, he decided to talk to him about you. But Stan was quicker.

"So. How's the food?" He smirked at his brother as he watched Ford clean the plate. "It's really good. But you know that already." Stan raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Ford looked at Stan as he clarified. "I mean, you know her food is great because you ate it, too?" Stan scoffed. "No, smart guy. She only makes it for you." This took Ford by surprise.

To think that you only brought him food? Made it only for him? Why would you do that? Ford looked at his brother for help in organizing his thoughts. Stan chuckled at Ford's confused expression.

"Well, if I didn’t know any better, I'd think she has a crush on you." Ford stilled. Could that be? "But you know better?" Stan laughed, shaking his head. "Can't say I do."

Ford went back to his lab, trying to clear his head with science. But now, all he could think about was you.

Life continued the same as before. You came to work, did it quietly and efficiently. At the end of your shift you prepare some food for Ford and bring it to him. And, over the course of a few days, you watched his expressions change.

He had started out barely acknowledging you and the plate at all but now, every day he smiled a little smile at you. It made your heart flutter while also feeling appreciated for the work you were doing.

Today was another slow day in the shop when Dipper and Mabel stormed into the room. Dipper was holding something and looked to be running away from his sister. It was her glue gun.

Dipper had backed himself into a wall as Mabel tried to reach for the object. "Mabel! Grunkle Ford's Journal doesn't need to look cute! It's serious scientific research!" Mabel stood on her tiptoes, reaching upwards. "Science can be cute, too!"

A gentle smile graced your lips as you watched them. You put your book down and walked over to them. Being taller than both of them, you plucked the glue gun from Dipper's hand, turning both of their attentions to you.

"Mabel, I know you mean well. But maybe ask your Grunkle if he wants a cute journal?" She looked at you with big puppy eyes. "But... what if he says no?" You smiled at her. "Then I will let you turn my journal cute."

Mabel's eyes widened and a big grin appeared on her face before she hugged you. She quickly made her way down to the lab. Dipper looked at you suspiciously. "You write a journal?" You hummed. "Not a big scientific one. But I like to keep track of my life."

Dipper nodded in approval and then walked back to whichever part of the house he came from. You walked back to the register and placed the glue gun in one of the shelves behind it.

You didn’t know it at the time, but Stan watched every bit of this interaction between you and the kids through the security camera. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw you smile at them. And you talked so much!

He took the tape and made his way to Ford as inconspicuous as possible to show his brother this new side of you. When Ford saw it, it warmed his heart. The men only knew you as this cold exterior, but to see some of the warmth underneath it? He wanted to see more of it.

Ford asked Stan for some more of the security camera footage of you. Stan raised a brow at him but obliged anyway. Ford had to look through the videos, surely, this hadn't been the first time you had some reaction to something?

On a tape from two days ago he found something. You were reading a book like you so often do when not much needs to be done. And there he saw it, the slighted crease between your eyebrows and the tiniest tilt of your lips downward. You were frowning at your book!

Ford felt like a child at Christmas, giddy from seeing you express any emotion at all. He now had a new mission. A new experiment if you want. He wanted to hear your laugh.

A few more days passed and somehow, Ford felt like you were even more distant. And he hadn't even started on his new mission. But you weren't even meeting his eyes anymore when you brought him food. Said even less.

He made his way upstairs, feeling it necessary to ask you about it. But when he got to the gift shop, you weren't there. Ford looked around the house but didn’t find you. Eventually, he decided to climb to the roof. An elevated position would surely help locate you if you were outside.

But he didn’t need to look anymore, because you were sitting on the little balcony, quietly sobbing. He felt his heart shatter.

Carefully, he moved to sit next to you and as he did you silently jumped, not having noticed him join you. "Hey, it's alright. I didn’t mean to startle you." You sniffled, wiping the tears from your face and trying to keep it together.

"What happened ...if I may ask?" He was careful, he didn’t want to scare you off with being too forward. But he also wanted nothing more than to hug you tightly and tell you that everything would be alright.

"Too much..." You shook your head, sorting your thoughts before continuing. "Job search is not going well." Ford felt something in his chest tighten. You wanted to leave the shack? "My landlord is about to throw me out. And my family wants me to-" Your voice broke off, unable to finish.

Ford looked at you. "Would a hug help?" You looked at him as well, meeting his eyes, your tear stained cheeks reflecting the sunlight in a bittersweet picture. You nodded.

Ford's expression softened as he moved closer to you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. After a moment you let your arms snake around his waist, pulling him closer, as you took the warmth radiating off of him in. It helped to ground you, remind you that not everything is terrible.

Letting his own affection for you overwhelm him, Ford pressed a gentle kiss into your hair. The moment lingered for a little bit. Then, you took a deep breath, steadying yourself. You pulled away from him, feeling better. "Thank you."

Ford nodded, offering a smile. You two sat next to each other for a while, just enjoying the view and each other.

Even though he hadn't reached his goal of hearing you laugh yet, Ford felt like he was slowly getting through to you. Slowly understanding you. He felt pride in being the one to help you feel better today.

And maybe he could talk to your landlord for you. Or he would just offer you to stay here with him, even though that would be way too direct. Either way, he looked forward to every moment he would be able to spend with you.

[funnyjokespuns]

Hello your sleeping beauty art is scrumptious. Also what is the sus quest like. Does everyone get in on it. Or bad touch. What about that.

You don't have to answer ofc.

Awee thanks im glad people like my stuff!

As for the queries… Well… When you’ve got someone like loop, who has done the house over and over again, yet completely fumbles at other things… and generally seems uncomfortable with everyone… Other Ideas Begin Appearing.

That is to say: I havent *fully* thought out sus quest yet (i forget it exists half the time, to be honest, since i never did it) but it ends up being pretty central! Things which might have caused siffrin to loop back immediately might not have quite the same effect with loop, if you catch my drift…

Bad touch, though! I think about it so much anyways so i will say this! Nope!

Well. Not really, at least. Loop wouldn’t dare. Less out of respect for isa, even (not like they dont respect him. He’s isa. Duh.) but more out of “i could Never do this to someone who isn’t Mine” complications. No smooching! It’s not allowed! Not as if there isn’t any equivalent interactions that make loop feel Worse, though. Everything hurts just a little bit more when you know you can never really have it all back

(or… can you?)

[inbarfink]

When talking about the distinction between Simon Petrikov and the Ice King,  it’s important to remember that originally, the Crown wasn’t trying to turn Simon into Ice King -

It was trying to turn him into this guy.

At the time, the Ice Crown - or rather the Wishing Crown - was programmed with Gunther’s wish to become Evergreen. So everything related to making the current wearer like Evergreen is a very direct result of the Crown’s Magic. The physical changes -

And the obsession with the name ‘Gunther’ -

And maybe some of the irritability and anger issues -

That is something the Crown is very directly forcing unto its current wielder. 

But everything else?

Ice King, personality-wise, was not much like Evergreen at all, or even like Gunther's view of him. And Ice Finn of the Farmworld Universe was also pretty different from the both of them.

At the time, I remember people assumed Ice Finn’s behavior is more indicative of what the Crown is actually trying to do with its wielders. That Ice King is so different because of Simon’s subconscious resistance against the Crown - while Finn’s much younger and dumber brain is a lot susceptible to the Curse’s influence to become some sort of mad world-conquering emperor of ice and snow. 

But, with the context of the Crown’s actual backstory. That doesn’t seem very likely anymore. I think what’s actually happening there is that the Crown is just trying to make its wielder an Ice Wizard on par with Evergreen (who was the Actual Goddam Ice Elemental) and that means pumping the wielder’s brain so full of Magic, Madness and Sadness to a level that is bound to overwhelm anyone.

And Simon’s and Farmworld Finn’s very different behaviors after putting on the crown is indicative, more than anything, of how their psyche reacts to Madness and Sadness in general. You know, Finn has a very proactive and kinda aggressive personality - and you add Crown-induced-Madness-and-Sadness and a compulsion to use Ice Magic as much as possible and you get all of…. this 

Meanwhile, for Simon, the compulsions of the Crown originally filtered exclusively via the language of protection 

As his madness always manifested as romantic obsession 

And using goofy humor to try and deny the pain he’s going through 

Because that’s how Simon’s mind specifically reacts to being flooded with so much Madness and Sadness.

That’s why there’s so many parallels between Ice King and the sort of mistakes and screwed-up stuff Simon does right now! He’s even kidnapping people again!

Because the Madness and Sadness of Ice King might’ve been induced by the Crown, but now Simon has plenty of personal home-grown Madness and Sadness inside him - and it’s no surprise that Curse-Induced or not, his mind reacts to it in a sorta-similar way. (Although obviously not as intensely, again, there was a LOT of MMS in the Ice Crown).

Now as for Ice Thing, and the fact that he seems to be actually rather well-adjusted under effects of his version of the Wishing Crown. I mean... not by the time of the 1000+ Era, but that’s literally eons in the future and also maybe more Gibbon’s fault. Even if the Crown will eventually take some sort of toll on him, for now he seems to be doing pretty well considering his wish. I mean, there's still some sort of Loss of Identity stuff going on

But everything we've seen of Ice Thing (in the present day, at least) shows him as a friendly and cheerful individual that gets along well with others. A far cry from how maladjusted every single wielder of the Ice Crown acted.

At the very least, if there's any notable amount of Sadness in him, we really haven't seen it yet.

There might be several factors here:

First things first, I should acknowledge the possibility that it’s just that Orgalorg’s eldritch brain is better at intaking all that MMS juice. That could play a part, but I think it’s probably more important, at least thematically, to look at the distinction between ‘I wish to be Evergreen’ and ‘I wish to be Ice King’. 

First in the sense that while Ice King was occasionally mean to Gunter at times - he was generally much kinder than Evergreen ever was for ‘his’ Gunther. So, like, pretty much the one Personality Flaw of Ice King that you can directly link to the Ice Crown’s attempt to mimic Evergreen is the occasional anger issues.

And how they relate to Gunther’s view of Evergreen, so grumpy and controlling and constantly saying ‘NO!’

(Both Finn and Simon’s demonstrable not-crown-induced trauma responses can make them pretty short-tempered as well. So I’m not going to say this is purely the effects of the Crown. It still probably plays some sort of factor at why the wielder of the Ice Crown is Like That).

And that is not a factor in how Gunter views Ice King. For him, Ice King was a doting and loving father figure - so if the Crown was ever trying to implement any sort of specific negative personality traits, this is absolutely no longer a factor. Because the original Ice Crown was a reflection of Evergreen’s abuse, and now Ice Thing is a reflection of Ice King’s fatherly love.

Which is, itself, probably an echo or remnant of Simon’s own strong parental instincts. 

Secondly, while the Crown was trying to make the Ice King just as powerful as Evergreen…. Ice King was obviously not as powerful as Evergreen. Because he was already a second-rate copy of the Ice Elemental’s power, and because Ice King was often just too doofy to use his powers correctly and probably because some remnant of Simon’s original sensible self is subconsciously holding his powers back.

Either way, being ‘like Ice King’ as Gunter sees him requires less Magic than being ‘like Evergreen’ as Gunther saw him - and therefore less Madness and Sadness. Leading to the wearer or, um, the eater being a lot more well-adjusted from the get-go.

And I think that the implication that Ice Thing has fused with the Crown, so there's never going to be another poor sap who puts on the Crown and gets Ice King'd. But if there is one somehow... at least the process is going to be less mentally detrimental that time around?

Maybe one day Simon could look back and appreciate how much he (or Ice King, or both of them, or however you want to look at the situation) is responsible for basically neutralizing the Crown that ruined his life in the first place.

[monzterbatz]

thinking about the relationship between bot and mephone oh my god (analysis post)

so, it's known how it's heavily implied bot is mephone's favorite contestant in iii, right? there's quite a bit of evidence to back this up:

• "listen yinyang, you're great. possibly my second favorite contestant still here!" <- well, what's his first favorite?

• when bot gets eliminated: "any chance you'd... want to co-host?" mephone obviously wants them to stay and is upset when they DO leave:

• "that's what happens when two alliances get SO caught up in their own drama, that they force out the greatest player!" <- he thinks they were the greatest player out of everyone in iii

• + him standing up for them with the springtastic contract ofc ("i don't like how they treated you.")

well yeah, that's all nice and dandy, you may or may not have realised that already, but then you think about... why specifically is bot his favorite out of everyone? well...

what if it's because bot is the only contestant that mephone didn't make?

what if its because they werent restricted by his creativity and basic personality ideas/stereotypes like how the others were made, outside of the narrow mindset he inherited from watching just reality tv in his past? what if it's because bot is also a robot that was made for a specific purpose, just like him? what if he looks up to the fact bot found themself and CHOSE who they were, something that mephone always wanted to do but couldn't because of cobs?

mephone looks up to bot because they're something that he always strived to be; something unique. they might even have felt more alive to him subconsciously, which is ironic cause they're a literal robot, but that also makes them familiar to him in a sense; mephone grew up in solidarity next to a bunch of lifeless or barely sentient technology and no people from the outside world except for steve cobs (which is DEFINITELY not saying much) so to see another robot that's actually full of life must be something new to him, something special

oh yeah also the fact bot had actual good parental figures 😭 definitely something mephone wishes he has

it's honestly quite heartwrenching to see the parallels between the two, and the fact bot might be one of the only ones who survived after ii17 makes it hurt so much more considering both of them lost everyone else they cared about; they're both kinda in the same boat in some ways

but yeah thats abt it, thank you if u read this far lol 🙏 making analysis posts like these r rlly fun these two r silly

[eamour]

method · using subliminals

today, we are talking about subliminals. believe it or not, subliminals are what actually brought me to the law of attraction and later on the law of assumption. they are already used by a large number of people, even those who don’t necessarily believe in any law.

definition

subliminal (adjective) refers to something that cannot be recognised or understood by the conscious mind but still manages to influence the subconscious. a subliminal message, for example, can only be perceived by you without you having notice or being aware of it.

in a spiritual context, subliminals (noun) signify sounds, often music with underlying positive affirmations.

intention

the purpose of subliminals is to sway your beliefs in a certain direction or change them entirely. a subliminal that purposely tries to persuade you subconsciously into believing something which you find hard to believe in consciously. in short, listening to subliminals helps you "reprogram" your mind.

how to listen

you can listen to a subliminal with your headphones, your earphones, on your phone, on your laptop, on your tablet,… all variants are just as influential.

when and where to listen

when and where you listen to a subliminal is entirely up to you. it depends on your beliefs. the moment you think you need to listen to them for them to help you manifest or materliase your desire, that’s when you should listen to them. there is no fixed time or place. you can listen whenever you want, wherever you want.

how often to listen

how often you listen to a subliminal is also entirely up to you. you can listen to one subliminal the entire a day, two subliminals at the same time, listen overnight, while doing your chores, make a playlist for the day, create a time frame for when to listen or listen to it only once — you decide! again, there is no fixed amount of times. you listen as many times as you wish to.

what to listen to

you can find subliminals on various platforms! mostly, they are free and on youtube. there, you can follow your favourite subliminal channels, create playlists and listen/loop them. you may also find subliminals on spotify, apple music, soundcloud, etc.

why it works

it doesn’t matter how many times you listen to a subliminal, how intense you listen to it or where you do it. the only thing that matters is your overall mental attitude. while listening to the sub, all you have to do is to accept its promised results to make it "work" for you. keyword: belief. belief creates and helps creating. your only job is to decide you have your desire and persist in that. for example, you could assume that you get your desires while listening to the sub and full results after listening to the entire playlist. or maybe you get full results by just listening to the first second of the sub? your rules apply only.

with love, ella.

[edenavari]

On the Matter of Mirrors

Eddie is still trying to convince Steve he and Nancy are made for each other. It comes up, like, everytime they hang out, which is all the time, because Steve couldn’t stay away if he wanted to. He doesn’t, but he also wishes Eddie would quit trying to set him up with someone else. 

‘Cause, like, here’s the thing. Steve likes girls. He also, he realized sometime after Robin came out to him, quite likes boys. He likes Eddie. Like… Really likes him. Practices pick-up lines in front of the mirror kind of like. Wears a little more black and tousles his hair just right to give himself a subversive edge he never used to have, just the right amount to trigger a subconscious response without appearing to be tweaking his fashion sense at all. Has mastered the art of wearing eyeliner without looking like he’s wearing it, and it took him a fucking while to work up the nerve to go out like that, not that anyone but Robin noticed. 

But Eddie just will not drop the Nancy case, no matter how many times Steve tries to stir the conversation away from her, and between his budding crush and the crushing fear that it’s never gonna be anything but one-sided, between the slightest of sore spots Steve still sports about the way things with Nancy ended in the first place and the bitter edge of never managing for something to start with Eddie after weeks of efforts, it’s beginning to grate, right? 

“So what’s the problem?” Eddie insists, bounding circles around Steve like an eager puppy, and something in Steve’s ribcage snaps. 

They’re in Steve’s room studying when it comes up once a-fucking-gain. Eddie is taking accelerated summer classes so he can finally graduate by September, and by some inexplicable fuckery of fate, despite Steve’s own dirt poor records, he’s turning out to be a decent tutor. Something about Eddie managing to focus in a way a classroom environment never allowed him to. Maybe because most teachers and over half the student body were openly hostile at worst and aggressively ignoring Eddie at best, all because of his last name or his tattoos or his loud brassy cheek.

All the same, Eddie does get distracted fairly easily, and an hour in, he’s bounced off the bed and started rattling reasons Nancy Wheeler is definitely Steve Harrington’s soulmate. Steve groans noncommittally, gets up to grab his water from the desk and takes a long swallow as Eddie keeps needling him. 

“You’re the problem, Eddie,” he all but snarls, when he really meant it to come out exasperated at worst.

He snarls, though, and Eddie stiffens, his eyes going cold and hurt and the corner of his mouth turned down in anger. 

“Right,” he says, and it sounds so casual Steve thinks he won’t make a big deal of his tone after all. Fool’s hope. “I’ll get out of your perfect hair, then,” Eddie spits out as he makes for the door, only Steve stands in his way, hands up in surrender. 

“Wait, I didn’t mean it like that,” he starts. 

“No, you’re right, it’s none of my business,” Eddie interrupts, but he steps back, gesturing wildly as he speaks. “It’s not like we’re even friends, you just got saddled with me because of Dustin. We saved the world together? Big deal! My involvement was incidental, really, more of an inconvenience than any kind of help. Why would you want my opinion, of all people’s, right? Even by this point. Get out of my way, I’ll quit stepping on your toes. Go on!”

“I don’t want you to go, Eddie,” Steve tries again. 

“Just want me to shut up, is that it? Not really my strong suit, you might have noticed.”

Steve can’t help smiling. “I have noticed.”

It only seems to rile Eddie up even more, throwing his hands out and making to step around Steve again. “Man, what do you want from me?”

“Is this allowed?” he breathes out, extending the last word beyond its scope. 

Which puts him within reaching distance of Steve, who grabs him by the lapels of his jacket and presses him, careful not to jostle him too bad but firm enough to counter his manic strength, against the wall. He doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t say anything, just presses a touch too close, lets himself imagine that he’s going to close the distance entirely, cocks his head and licks his lips and hangs there in a way he hopes spells it out for Eddie without inducing any kind of panic. 

Eddie, hands still up at shoulder height, lets out a little huff close to a whimper when his back hits the wall, bracing himself for a hit that would never come, and maybe some part of him knows this, because he doesn’t look scared or angry anymore, just kind of confused with a side of grief, and it doesn’t take two seconds for him to start to look intrigued, maybe even, if Steve allows himself a little optimism, interested. 

His lips part on a sharp inhale, and they’re close enough to smell each other’s skin, and Eddie’s eyes drop to Steve’s mouth, a little watery and out of focus, edging forward in a way that could just be a twitch, just a consequence of holding his breath the way he is, plausibly deniable, subconscious no doubt, only when Steve mirrors the movement, he does it again, gaze moving up and down from Steve’s eyes to his lips and back and back again without blinking, until twitch by twitch their noses graze and their mouths connect and Steve closes his eyes and concentrates on maintaining that seal over Eddie’s plush, pliable pout, because if he didn’t focus, he’d be way, way overeager for a first kiss. 

He moves back after several seconds with a shaky exhale, swallows as he finds Eddie’s eyes again. His blood is thrumming in his fingertips, somehow he feels both cold between his shoulder blades and warm down to his toes, and if Eddie looks at all put out he thinks he might never manage another mirror in his life. 

The look on Eddie’s face is pure disbelief. 

Steve shrugs, not quite settled on the matter of mirrors. “I thought you made a point of breaking the rules?”

A glint starts to wake in Eddie’s eye that’s looking more delighted by the minute. 

“Just as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.”

“We’re in the clear, then,” Steve whispers, leaning in, just a smidge. 

Both of Eddie’s hands sink into his hair as he pulls him into another, much steamier, kiss. Steve lets his fists fall from Eddie’s lapels and knot over his back instead, lets his mouth drop slightly open, an invitation Eddie wastes not a second to follow through on, teeth scraping and back arching like he wants to sink all the way into Steve, and by the time they’re parting, breathless, cheeks flushed, mouths stinging, Steve’s one hand is braced against the wall, holding himself up, knees too weak to do the job on their own. 

“I thought you could barely stand me,” Eddie heaves.

“I can’t,” Steve admits. “You drive me nuts. Just not how you thought.”

Eddie frowns, suddenly serious. 

“You should forget all about Nancy.”

Steve frowns too. “That so?”

“Hm-mm. She’s taken, man. And not all that. You need to move on.”

“Damn,” Steve sighs. “Am I being desperate?”

“Pathetic,” Eddie nods, barely a whisper against Steve’s lips, and they break into smiles in tandem. “Forget all about her,” Eddie repeats. 

“Who?” Is the last word Steve gets out. Then he’s busy enough he really does forget. 

When he fixes his hair in the bathroom mirror in the morning, he walks away with a wink.

Give us a kudos, if ye dare x

[psblooms]

and I would’ve married you, if you’d have stuck around

𓍯𓂃 angst lee heeseung x female reader works word count: 1148 non-idol au. the fall of a relationship and the period waiting for the end. contains: break ups, long distance relationship, flashbacks on italics

as people grow apart and new relationships start, sometimes old ones tend to die alone, with more questions than answers, without villains or heroes; relationships you expected to last long end up being the thing you now long. the moments spent together in rose color glasses become dull and full of hurt, and the wishes you made of never forgetting those moments of happiness come back remembering the promise; only this time, the person you shared them with is not with you anymore to reminiscence them.

growing out of relationships always tends to hurt, but the fact that this was a romantic relationship that had the build-up of your life meant that it was also going to ache for maybe as long as he was part of your life.

the worst part tends to be ending because of a fight and the feeling of regret for ever choosing to be with a person like that. Sadly, this was not the case; each other's personalities were the perfect match, you got along well, and you became friends with each other's friends. you always felt like your relationship was the closest thing to perfection.

until it wasn't.

trying to pinpoint the moment you knew this relationship was nearing its end was impossible for your mind. it was unknown to you if it was your subconscious trying to protect you or the fact that it really came out of the blue. as days went out and you went from crying all night to finally starting to go back to the routine you realized just how much was he a part of your life. the fact that you were living your life as if nothing happened was not the easiest thing when you remembered you could not call him at the end of the day.

saying his name hurt, thinking about him ached, and the fact that the place you still lived at was a graveyard of memories would not help you from thinking that maybe if you called his number, he would answer and come to you.

"what happened?" he asked while catching his breath after opening the door of your apartment.

"I just hurt my finger with the hammer," you said while running your hand through the cold water in the kitchen sink.

dried tears in your warm cheeks were apparent to him so while he ran for your first aid kit his voice echoed throughout the walls. "I told you to wait till I came to help, you were just so excited right?"  

and he told you about his day while bandaging up your finger and helping you finish assembling the new bookshelf  

and now that same bookshelf that holds some of your favorite framed photos with him seated empty in the living room. breakups are usual in people's lives, but maybe you would have more of a reason to be sad and depressed if he had been a shitty boyfriend, or if he had cheated, but instead, he had been the perfect boyfriend for all the two years you had been together.

he broke up with you. on a cold night in your daily facetime call, he was sad, and tired and it hurt you to see him hurting, the easiest way to make him hurt less was to accept his request between sighs.

"i think we should break up"  

the sinking feeling in your stomach was still there, you wanted to fix whatever there was to fix, but nothing would fix something that was not entirely broken, he was, and your relationship was suffering. even if you tried to reach out he was not trying to hold you any longer.

he was your everything. he was the only constant thing in your life for a long long time, he was your friend before he was your boyfriend. and now, as much as you hate to say it, he was gone and he continued his life miles away from you while you felt like everything around you was falling apart.

“It’s just going to be for a year okay? I’ll be back soon” heeseung said holding you closer while laying on his bed with you.

you were helping him pack, putting you feelings aside while he put his life away in suitcases.

“I’m going to miss you a lot” you whispered while holding back tears and hugging him harder.

“I’ll miss you too, but I’ll call you every night to tell you that I love you okay?” He reassured you with a kiss on you head and a warm pat on your back.

oh, how naive you were thinking thinking you’d be the exception to you friend group bad experiences with long distance.

what where you going to do now? where would you put all of his stuff that stayed at his place? where would you store all his gifts and photos? where would you hold all the love you felt for him?

what. comes. next?

your heart was broken, your tears were dry, you felt like everything was over and that felt out of character. he was yours for a while and you needed to move on since you were unable to turn back time, but why was it so hard?

is he hurting to? is he having a hard time falling asleep? did he threw away your gifts? you hoped you were not the only one feeling this way, but still, you were not brave enough to ask, scared of the sheer chance that he was better off.

you wanted to hold on a little longer to these selfish feelings you had, to hold onto the memories, to the kisses and the late night calls. to the hope that maybe this was a nightmare and you would wake up back in his arms, that this relationship was not over and that the issues could be fixed, you were dreaming that maybe you could save yourself from the doom of this heartbreak.

but every morning, as the morning came, doomsday came along reminding you of the fact that you were still miles away from him, with a numbness inside you and unable to move on from a love like his.

your life will go on, and so will his, there will come a time where lee heeseung will be a memory of your past, and maybe you’ll be okay with that; okay with not knowing what made him want to break up with you, okay with him finding someone new. one day that won’t be a big deal.

but for now you still have those questions, and they take away your sleep, you still love him and it will take a long time to unlearn how to do it, and you’ll watch him move on through pictures and post of his friends, and you’ll hope he’s happy. so much happier than how he was with you.

[mr-ys-phantasma]

🌙 Moon Phases 🌙

Agatha Harkness X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1269

Chapter 30:

You took a deep breath, not wishing to go further down that particular memory. It was still not a happy thing, and you would be lying if you said it didn't affect you from time to time.

Wishing to forget, you chose to stand just as you felt Rio even closer to you. She did love invading your personal space, often choosing to do that when you had your back turned; making your heart beat faster.

For you could sense her and the danger coming with her. Your body reacted with adrenaline and excitement, and a part of your subconscious yearned for her hard touch when you least expected it.

Controlling your emotions and not letting them push you towards a quick way to forget, you turned to face her.

Once again, you stood merely a breath away. Invisible waves of power radiating from both of you, clashing and mixing. The red full moon casted its light on your faces, one side brighter than the other; the perfect duality.

Rio initiated the first move, her fingers gently tucking a strand behind your ear. Her long nails carefully caressed your skin at the same time, drawing invisible lines that made you shiver and part your lips faintly.

She eyed them carefully but did not move for the claim, not yet. "You shouldn't be here, baby girl," she repeated like she had done back then in the woods. "It's not too late to leave,"

Her words managed to bypass the mixing emotions that she was causing you with her touch, and you focused on what she was saying. "We both know I can't leave the Road," you reminded her. "Not unless I am dead... and I doubt you are looking forward to that."

Rio smirked at your words.

She had taken an interest in you, a liking. You were not like Agatha.... no, your case was different yet equally compelling. You were unique, one of a kind, and she would be a fool to just let you go like that; to let you slip through her fingers.

"See, you know me too well." she finally commented after staring at you with a darker, more lustful look. Her hand never stopped caressing your skin. Her face then shifted to a more serious one. "You can get out of here, I can help you,"

You were surprised by her determination to get you out, her stubbornness not to let you continue down the path. Partially, you thought she was just being the weird, possessive, caring woman you had come to know her... but not entirely.

A little voice in the back of your mind kept suspecting that Rio had other plans... other plans for Agatha, considering their not so good terms of their former relationship. And if that was the case, she wanted you out because you would be a bigger obstacle than she wanted.

"What about Agatha?" You asked innocently, hiding your suspicions and thoughts from her sharp gaze.

"This is her fight, not yours. She has no choice."

"But I do," you countered and took a deep breath. "And I choose to stand with her until the very end of my life."

Something flashed into her eyes, and the hand that was so gently caressing your skin chose to attack it all the same. One moment, you were fighting goosebumps from showing up, and the next, you found her hand wrapped around her neck; threatening to block your air intake.

Rio pulled you closer that way, and you stared at her with wide eyes at the manhandling, one hand grabbing her wrist in a futile attempt to free your neck.

The Green Witch seemed to take inner joy and pleasure in that wide eye doe look you were giving her, the feeling of your beating pulse beneath her fingers making her high; temptations filling her mind and was so close in squeezing just a tad more.

"And Agatha thinks you are not such a witch," she commented, remembering how certain Agatha was for you.

How certain she was you would not be able to help them form the three witch coven. Yet if she could hear you know, if she could see what Rio saw... she would change her mind.

"What... what are you talking about?" You managed to ask, trying to ignore any feelings pooling in your body from the manhandling but also not let panic arise within you by the fact that you were chocked.

Rio offered a toothy grin. "Nothing," she replied as enigmatic as ever. She then pulled you closer and stole a quick, needy kiss.

Your eyes were wide at the gesture, but soon, your emotions got the best of you. The tide was high, the waves crashing wildly against the shore, and it was impossible to try and escape them as they took you with them.

And so, you closed your eyes and returned the kiss; feeling how addictive her lips felt and how oddly nice and Earthly they felt against yours.

Rio seemed to approve your willingness to follow as she pressed you more against her and attacked your lips. Her teeth bit and pulled your lower lip with hunger, satisfied only when you both felt the familiar metallic sensation of blood in your mouths.

She didn't let you pull back until she was satisfied, and only when she wished it did she let you get for some air. She released your neck and watched with satisfaction at your bleeding lip and the faint red marking of fingers against your pale skin.

You panted, staring at her with wide eyes, and you subconsciously brought a finger to your lips; only to see the bright red colour of your blood staining it.

"You should go now" she said, acting as if she had not just devoured you a second go; or the fact that she felt tempted to take you on those floor pillows with the body of Alice as a spectator.

"Why?" You found the courage to ask, your brain still trying to recover from what had just happened.

"I fear your duty as Agatha's White Knight is calling you," she replied enigmatically once again. "Oh, one more thing,"

Before you could ask her or even take a step towards the exit, you saw her licking her index finger and then drug it above your lips; specifically above her teeth wound on you.

Her magic worked fast, healing the wound as the finger passed above it, and only then did she pull back. She smirked and motioned with her hand in a 'shoo' motion, a sign it was time for you to go.

You had so many questions, so many things you wanted to say or ask, but you didn't. Rembering Agatha, you turned and hurriedly towards the exit; glancing at Rio one last time above your shoulder before you climbed the wooden ladder.

The missing coven members...

Once out, you took a moment to breathe deeply the fresh air, and you moved further down the path; expecting to find the others waiting, hopefully.

However, you came to a halt when you didn't find them. Instead, you only found Teen standing alone, a faint blue glow still visible in his hands.

He sensed you, and as he turned, you took notice of a crown that had formed on his head and that look in his eyes.

The mising Agatha...

Teen with magic...

Immediately, you connected the dots, and before he could try anything, whether to attack or talk to you, you moved in first; white magic coming alive as your temper flared.

Rio's words....

Chapter 31

[thegoldensundreamer]

Love At Last

Onyankopon x black!reader

Warnings: exes, use of n word, squirting, fingering (f receiving), eating out (f receiving)

Word Count: 6.2k

He was a little older than me. A junior, and I, a sophomore. In college, you only had two focuses: have fun and study, and truthfully it helped me. No matter what anyone told me I had control to do whatever I wanted in life and didn't want anyone's opinions on how I'd be living it.

Honestly, that's what made my other ex's love me and even some, hate me.  But I mean it wasn't like he was always putting his expectations too high for me. Onyankopon just wanted to see me as my best self. When we broke up and I told him the reason as to why I couldn't do it anymore, it all really didn't make sense. I wanted to tell myself that I knew the reason as to why he was just so terrible but subconsciously I knew I didn't. And it was hard for me these past months. Really hard. I been seeing him on campus like a thousand times and he just keeps getting more beautiful and glowin like the sun.

He's the head of his team now and it never helps me that he didn't ever have any girls he just messed around with. Especially bonding and having a real relationship with his exes. Including me. And Its painful seeing him just living his life and me not hating him for any reason because he is really a great guy. So whenever I see him I make sure to shift my eyes to the complete opposite direction of where his head is at. Or even cover my face with a book or a water bottle to not have that awkward walk past. But I kind of wish he chased after me... and although I know its selfish I'm just as confused as when I left that boy. But I guess we all just have to move on.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"The assignment is still due this Sunday at 11:59 on Blackboard. I don't want any emails, text messages, or conversations next class about an extension. Period."

I honestly think Professor Rodriguez is tweaking now. No excuses? What if someone is sick or something?

The whole class groans as we pack all of our stuff. I mean, it's just a paper so I'm not tripping or anything. I just got to make sure to do it before the Que party this weekend. There's never been a problem before so I don't think I have anything to worry about.

Me and my girls have been planning to go to one of the Que parties we keep infamously hearing about. It's always wild, lit, and memorable till you graduate. All of a sudden when you get that degree they don't exist no more because you don't want no one to know of the hoe tales.

I haven't been to one of their parties yet, but Im excited. I haven't been outside in a while especially since I ended things with Ony. A few kickbacks here and there were going on this past semester for me but that's about it. I like being inside just as much or even more than I like being out.

When I walk down the university building, I put in my headphones ready to blast some Sexyy Red. That woman music got something in it I swear.

"I'm looking for the hoooesssss" I mouth to myself while I nod my head. Shit, I forgot how hard that bass goes. As I bob my head I can't remotely hear the voice behind me trying to catch my attention.

It was Jaden, one of Ony’s teammates, and he's also in Professor Rodriquez class. He gave up calling my name and just let me go.

•••

When I finally left the building and head to my car I instantly switch my music over to the Bluetooth aux and look at my assignment before I pull off. You see... he assigned it to us last Friday and I for real have just been procrastinating till now. I would say my time management is usually really good but its not.

"Ok so I got to just write about 500 words. I could do this tonight no problem."

I put down my phone and start adjusting my rear view mirror only to find light grey clouds of the day turning darker grey. I really hope it don't storm when I'm on the road.

Driving out of the lot and onto the highway, I continue blasting my hoochie playlist. Shrugging at the random pain in my heart I'm feeling, I call one of my girls talking about how much I think this party gon cut all my feelings from Ony and revive the party girl in me.

Im pulling into my apartment complex excited . I haven't been this joyous to go to a party in a while. The mere thought of shaking ass is bringing me serotonin. Just a sweet release of stress. Plus, it's Friday and the party is Saturday night so I'm definitely geeking.

When I stumble up the steps right before the entrance to my residence giddy and jovial, looking for my key, I slightly looked up. The scream in my head is definitely showing me how much I'm not over this feeling in my heart.

I stopped my movement and fought the urge to back step all the way back into my car and hide. I'm not sure why hes here at this time. It's 5:30 which isn't late for real but just a bit confusing enough to make you question why the hell someone is at your door uninvited. Especially since its here. At my apartment. And it's him. With his aura and skin glistening like oil on a hot body.

He was in some black muscle shirt with matching jogger pants. Shyly smiling at me at first but then noticing my expression, he looked down at the state of his body and cringed before looking back in my eyes. Clearly embarrassed. "Sorry you seeing me like this, I just came from practice so I'm still a little sweaty"

I secretly moaned in my head. He looks so good I had to catch my breath and his voice is still captivating up to now. I still can't forget the way he used to t-

I'm getting sidetracked. Let me regain this composure.

"Is there something you need?" I quietly ask. This is no good. The whole point is out of sight out of mind. You know how you want to block somebody on everything and really go out of your way to not see them in person so you won't have to think about them or double back? Well I feel like I'm breaking that right now. It's not my fault sure but the shame still feels the same.

Ony pulls out an object from his pocket. A white, slightly long but thin figure. He looks at it for a moment before looking up at me again and holding it up.

"I came here to give this to you. Im pretty sure it's yours. At least that's what Jaden said."

I squint my eyes in confusion at what he was holding and hurriedly looked through my tote bag to find that I did not have my Apple Pencil for my iPad.

So that's why he's here.

Apple pencils are expensive so I'm not mad. I would've been more upset if I only figured out I dropped it when I got inside and tried to start my paper. But how did he even get it?

He reached his arm out as I began to walk up to him for my pencil. I thanked him for bringing it to me and awkward silence overtook the little rain droplets that noted the thunderstorm about to take place.

Our hands touched ever so slightly as I grabbed my missing pencil. I withdrew immediately and he did the same faintly after. After a few long seconds, he broke the silence.

"Jaden gave it to me at the locker rooms after practice. He said he tried to give it to you after class but couldn't catch up or something so I guess he just wanted me to carry out the deed especially with some paper he mentioned."

I grinned and slightly nodded in understanding, quickly glancing at his eyes before staring at the Apple Pencil. It's strange. He can't really look me in the eye. I mean, I can't either but he's 6'2" so my excuse is good. On top of that, the nonchalance in his tone doesn't sit right with me. It's either he's forcing it or a part of me wants to believe he is just to delude myself that he still cares. It's unfair of me, especially since I probably broke his heart, but it's the real.

"I'll thank Jaden when I see him next class. Thank you for bringing it to me." I quip and walk past him to my door, beginning to find my keys in my bag with the pencil still in hand.

Damn when did I get this shy?

Onys attempt at being nonchalant somewhat was breaking. He stared at the pencil smiling as he spoke and pointed.

"I'm surprised you still have Chowder on there".

I turned my head around, mid-hand in bag. He was referring to the little sticker I had on my ex-missing item. The one that would help me differentiate my pencil from everyone else's so no one would take it. The one he gave me as a funny gift for the love of our mutual favorite childhood show.

I'm surprised he still remembers these little details about me. About us.

"Well it's still my favorite show. I don't think that's ever going to change." I giggle looking back for my keys.

It's hard to do this. To face him. How do people talk to their exes? This isn't even my first but damn. Now my minds all over the place with him and us all over it. All those memories we share. Good and bad.

I stop fiddling in my bag and spoke under my breath with the same thought, caught up in the idea.  "I'm surprised you still remember." I mumbled to myself.

I can feel his presence and his eyes on me, not exactly sure what his actions are. But his voice speaks up with a small sense of fervor in his tone. Something undeniably him. The tone I always craved since it left me.

"Y/n, you can't tell me you don't call to mind how Ive remembered every single thing I've been blessed to learn about you"

I still my hands from roaming once again after I found my keys. At this point, I don't know what's going on. But as I motion my mouth to find what to say a grand lightning bolt flashed down from the sky, hitting somewhere nearby. Thunder that sounded like an earthquake erupted, immediately pouring heavy rain down with it. With that, we instantaneously saw lampposts shut off. All electricity in the area immediately being gone in an instant.

"Ain't no way" I groaned. I can't believe this. I look around at all of the dark areas surrounding the complex except for the emergency lights powered from the generator. Putting my keys in the door, I heavily sigh opening up my residence.

Slowly walking in to the dim natural light from the blinds I turn around to Onyankopon, standing still at the doorstep, and tell him he can come in.

"Are you sure? My car is all good and everything I can still drive."

"In this storm?" I ask raising my eyebrow. I rolled my eyes, "You not gon get nowhere the way this storm going right now. It's fine. Plus, your place is probably out of electricity too."

He nods, "Well thanks, I really appreciate it" He awkwardly steps into the 3 bedroom apartment. My girls usually have class during this time last I checked so we're the only ones here.

I grab some candles to light across my home hoping for some sort of spark to brighten up the place.

Once I withdrew a breath and looked around, the rooms seemed to be lit up enough comfortably outside of the insanely romantic essence it gave off. I stood up from where I was crouched by the living room table where I made eye contact with him sitting up on the couch.

"Soooo could I get you anything?" I awkwardly stand there and he's just sitting... menacingly.

Ugh who am I kidding he looks so geeked out right now.

"It's honestly fine. Once the storm passes I'll be right out forreal you don't have to go through any trouble." He laughs.

With that in mind I obliged and went to my room setting up my laptop and iPad with my now found Apple Pencil. Since the electricity's gone that means I shouldn't have any distractions on focusing on my work.

"Right y/n, focus on the goal. It don't matter that your ex is in the other room. Get on your zoom!" Mumbling to myself  as I type in my username to blackboard to view the rubric.

"What the-"

Shit. Of course blackboard and the wifi is down too if all the electricity is out.

As I groan and leave my room to get a glass of water, I'm getting Ony one too. Seeing him roaming on his phone and placing the glass in front of him on the table I sit on the sofa opposite of him.

He looks up from his phone, "You did not have to do this", he began to grin to himself as he lifted the cup and started to drink.

As I began to speak we both got a notification.

ALL UNIVERSITY STUDENTS: ELECTRICITY IS DOWN ON CAMPUS AND ON AND OFF CAMPUS HOUSING DUE TO A SEVERE WEATHER STORM. MORE UPDATES WILL COME SOON. CURRENTLY, AN ESTIMATION OF 3 HOURS WILL BE NEEDED TO REPAIR DAMAGES TO ELECTRICAL UNITS.

"Fuck" I groaned.

"You're not gonna be able to finish that paper huh?" He questioned.

"No and it's due Sunday. I was hoping to knock it out today before the weekend really starts. I don't need to procrastinate anymore than I already have."

"Oh trust me I remember." He laughed. "I can help yknow. There's nothing else we can do here."

"On what though? Blackboard is down."

"Not google docs or notes app though." He smiled, "As long as you know what you're supposed to write about you're set."

"But I like looking at the rubric when I write to make sure my grades solidified"

"I'm hearing a lot of excuses misses honors student. If you wanted to do it you would at this point. Plus, my specialty is writing papers so I can definitely help"

I remember oh so well. This reminds me of when I procrastinated on a paper last semester the weekend before it was due just like this one and we stayed up till 3 AM writing it. So many laughs and double shot espressos from that time. His specialty really is writing essays and all sorts of papers. That assignment was 5000 words and we started the Saturday and still got an A.

"Shit, why not. It's only 500 words anyway" I joke.

He smiled and we got to work. The first hour went by like nothing. It felt like old times. 200 words were typed but the only thing holding us back was that I actually need to have proper cited sources. Professor Rodriguez do not play around either so it's been a painstaking amount of time trying to find anything with no internet and a on and off personal hotspot.

As Ony and I sit next to each other working on the paper, he lifts up his glass and it accidentally slipped out of his hands onto the table.

"Ah damn I'm so sorry. Let me-"

"No it's cool." I put down my laptop and got up to get a paper towel. When I sat back down and handed the paper towel to him our hands touched again. That once jovial, funny and somewhat relaxed mood we had was now gone. We're exes. This isn't what exes do. We're not friends.

But shit we were . That was exactly what we were like before we started anything or knew there was something there. Even during our relationship we felt just like this at times too. Where the hell did we go? Why did I let us go?

The awkward touch we had became more intimate as I decided to gently grab his hand. The eye contact he made was confused but willing. It spoke "why haven't you done this all this time while I'm right here?" Or at least that's what I think.

Our hands interlocked letting go of the paper towel at this point. Eye contact on something serious as we ask questions to each other with them. As I began to lean down on the couch, Ony couldn't stop staring between my eyes and my lips. He eventually and quickly took the dive, trying not to lose the moment. Embers burned and flowed through the air as he began to shift from my power to his. He embarked on leaning my back onto the couch rather than his. Hands splayed in my locs and taking small breaks to breathe before going back in.

Small moans escape my mouth as he's working me. Kisses pressed on my lips were coming down my chin... then my neck as he suckled on my skin. His hands roamed my body slowly. One on the side of my stomach nearing my ass and the other beginning to feel my breast under my shirt. At this point, he's starting to get more vocal, groaning and whispering sweet nothings along my body.

"You know how much I've missed you y/n. How much I've missed this pretty face... this pretty body... and this pretty pussy" he hissed one kiss after another. "Is this all ok? If you're not fine with this of course I'll stop. Tell me what you want."

His asking for consent was always so sexy and those words... damn I missed him and this.

I looked at his lust blown eyes as he looked up to mine from my stomach as he briefly stopped from going lower and lower.

"I want you Q. I'm all yours." My composure is definitely done at this point. He's got me right now.

"Don't worry. You know I will always take care of you." He slurred, slowly sliding my bottoms and panties down and kissing my inner thighs before locking them in his arms. It's been a while since I've been in this position and I've missed it since forever ago.

Slow pecks from my thighs came closer and closer to the apex of them. He must could tell how nervous I was since his thumbs gently rubbed where they laid at to comfort me. Im in love with the way they feel on me.

"So as you can see I do have some hair ri-"

He side eyed me. "Y/n I'm a grown ass man. You know I like my peaches with some fuzz on it. Now can I have my dinner please?"

He can get so forward like this it's making me shy. I rolled my eyes and laid my head back. I never thought I'd be in this predicament.

"Good girl. Just stay just like that baby."

He nestled his lips on my bundle, wrapping them on to gently suck at a slow and smooth pace. His rhythm was gradually fastening and shortly, his lips unattached from my clit to lap at the bundle once more flicking his tongue. He remembers. He always remembers what I like.

Beginning to close my legs from the sensation, he parts me once again lapping at my cunny fervently. Like some undying need that he can't let go. As a "punishment" for me not taking it, he inserts a finger and then a second to make me break even more than I already am.

I plead and moan, "Ony, baby, I'm leaking"

I can barely control my body now. My breath getting fainter as I breathe heavy.

"Good. You know that's what I want." He keeps pumping. Squelching ensues as he becomes infatuated with his doing. "Look at that shit. All for me huh" He asks looking at my fucked out face.

I disappointedly moan when his fingers leave me but he swipes my essence from its trail and sucks his fingers while maintaining eye contact with me. I whimper and squeeze at the sight.

I guess he wanted to finish the job though. I tried to reach over to slip my hand in his boxers just for him to grab my wrist and pin both of my hands down to finish what he started.

It's always like a switch in him when he's like this. So different from the sweet Onyankopon from everyday that everyone knows. So nasty. I love it. I miss it.

He mischievously watches me. "You feel this?" I moan as he pumps his fingers back in me. I roll my eyes to the back of my head and he chuckles. "I'm gonna take that as a yes. Let me make you cum, princess."

He lowered his head down again as he continued pumping into me. Licking a stripe up my honey and continuing the mess he was creating previously. Languid strokes of his tongue were hitting me just right and my moans started turning to desperate whimpers.

Building me up for a while, he then dipped his muscle into my pussy and interchanging with his fingers, curling them with each stroke. His other hand left my thigh and his thumb began rubbing my clit. Faster and faster he went I started to find my stomach tensing and the air becoming hard to breathe.

In between heavy pants I slip out "O, stop, I'm gonna make a mess!" my eyes rolling to the back of my head and legs lifting and coming together.

He didnt stop and pinned me down pressing on my lower stomach. My moans became octaves higher and higher. He lifted his head from my cunny, "you gon take it and make a mess all over my face. Don't hold back nothing."

With that, he continued his ministrations. My grip on his hair became as tight as it could as I could feel my voice go weak. My legs began to shake as clear liquid lightly sprayed out onto his face and a white ring began to form on his fingers. My pants were beginning to rapidly slow down as I came down from my high, un loosening the death grip I had on his head.

He came back up kissing my cheek then licking my essence off his face and fingers, "Always taste so good." Proceeding to take a rag from my bedroom to clean me up and carrying me to my bed.

Before we even got the chance to speak about what happened, my eyes fell. A nap took over both of us and hours that felt like minutes rolled by.

His arm around me as we slept on our sides felt  like old times. Like something right that I just ripped away from my body. It's so comfortable.

After a dream I couldn't remember, I wake up in a daze, looking behind me to see him knocked out and his arm still around my waist.

Gently moving it off of me, I slowly get up and walk to the bathroom.

"Shit I might as well take a shower"

To be honest, none of this has settled in my head yet. My ex boyfriend who I'm clearly not over in my bedroom after being nasty on the couch is sleeping on my bed... crazy. Real fanfiction kind of shit.

Pushing the light switch up, I notice the bulb illuminate the room. Thank the Lord almighty. I put on my shower cap and get in. I feel myself let go of a breath I didn't know I had when the hot water hits my skin.

This is insane. I shouldn't be hooking up with my ex. I cut it off for a reason... I think. It's gotta be this way for the both of us so nobody gets hurt.

"Bitchhhh" I think to myself in the shower holding my head.

Leaving the bathroom with my towel on, I see my ex looking over at me from his phone, arm now holding his head up to stare me up  and down in awe.

"It's been a while since I seen this view"

I cut my eyes and stand in front of him on my bed. "Look we need to talk- " and my head turned immediately when I heard the front door of the apartment open. Thankfully, my room doors closed, but my girls walked in the apartment gossiping when they called out my name to have our daily debrief of the day.

I cuss at myself and know they probably see the cups of water, candles, and his shoes at the door as they fell silent. Whispering to themselves with words I couldn't make out,  I eventually hear a knock at my door.

I looked at Ony, mortified with a finger to my lips, then took a deep breath, opening the door so they can only see me still in my bath robe.

"Heyyy" I greeted with the awkwardest get out and don't make this weird smile I know.

"Hey mookie, we just wanted to check on you and see if you're good with the electricity going off and everything earlier." One of them said, clearly peeking inside my bedroom to see who's here, eyes widening that it was him before he could move himself. She gave me a look and I gave her one back like we telepathic or something.

"Girl yknow I'm good, just trying to finish this paper" I say hoping she takes the message that I know she's getting from me right now.

"Yeah I'm sure it's realll hard" She said acting like a real smart ass.

With a few more exchanges they go to their rooms to settle down for the night. After hearing both of their doors close I rush back to my room.

"Yeah, you gotta go" picking up his clothes and pushing them to his chest.

"But-"

"Look, I wish there was a better time to talk, but you have to go. This... is strange. We broke up. There's a reason why this ended. I know it was probably stupid of me to let you stay here during the storm, but this wasnt my intention." Pointing at the both of us.

I picked his arm up before he could get a word out to reason with me, clothes just tussled onto his body. If he sweet talks me again I really might not double back this time.

We get to the door and with the least amount of strength he has, he turns his body towards me and gently grabs my hand before I could open the door placing it back by my side.

"Y/n...why are you letting go of us... again? This still doesn't make sense and you know that."

I still. I remember this feeling... this sense of regret. But just like last time, I can't tell if it's the wrong choice or because I don't want to let go.

In truth, Ony feels... familiar. He'll always feel like a memory and I don't want to get too comfortable in his light of nostalgia. He brought such a level of solace in my life that I never wanted to replace. It was even more so after we became official....I don't want to become stagnant because of it. I have my own dreams, my own endeavors, and my own goals that I want to reach. It would be so easy to be a trophy wife to him... and he'd gladly let me. As a woman, I don't want that to be the tell all be all of my life when I know that I had a life before him. I didn't know if I could escape from it then and I definitely don't know now. That's the real reason why I keep shutting him out and probably why we broke up... but he can't know that.

"Because I know we won't end well. We're two different people Ony and this idea that you can just up and think everything is picture perfect for us has to stop now"

He looks in my eyes with such disappointment, then slight anger as his eyebrows pushed together. He opened his mouth to speak again but thought about it and decided not to, closing his eyes in the process. With a heavy huff from his chest, he looked at my eyes one last time for the night before turning away and leaving the complex.

When I shut the door, My girls came out immediately like paparazzi.

"You were over him huh?" One of them snarled at me. "It don't seem that way to me love. Maybe you shouldn't even go to the party tomorrow."

I looked down at the ground and they both took notice of my state. We all went to my bedroom and I explained everything that happened tonight. Their eyes looked at mine with frustration and awe. I held my head knowing their reaction just like they've been telling me for the past 3 months.

"You are not over that boy y/n"

"I think you're confused"

And they're right. I am. But I tell them the same thing I told them every time.

"But when he makes it to the league, what am I going to do? Wag my tail like a dog after him and have niggas tell me that I want his money or that I don't have half his talent for anything like them bitches was saying when we were together? And what if he cheats? He gon have hella girls at his disposable and I'll be feeling stupid like  "I really wasted my time on this nigga". Y'all know how much I love Ony and I was just getting over him too. This is for the best for me right now y'all know that"

They gave each other a look and got up to hug me.

"Whatever decision you choose to make girl you know we got you. Just remember to listen to your heart sometimes"

With that, we said our little goodbyes and retired for the night. Ony on my mind, I went to bed.

Waking up, he is still on my mind. Getting my laptop, I tried to continue the paper but had no will power to do so. The whole morning and afternoon felt like that... no volition and all a blur. Wasting away in my bed after the three different times my girls checked up on me throughout the day I just can't escape him. It doesn't help having the daydream engrained of what could've been present with our past. In that same thought, I hear a buzz on my phone, too in tune with the delusional reaction thinking it could be him.

I look at it to see the ticket for the party tonight that one of my girls sent. I groan and get up, finally deciding to start my day and also prepare myself for tonight.

Hype hoochie music is playing on my speaker and I hear Looking For the Hoes again. I'm thinking of how good everything was before all that happened yesterday. Do I even regret it? Am I blocking my blessings?

I can't let a man distract me from my life though. There's a life before and after him and I have to remind myself of that.

Finally finished with my look and it finally being an hour after the party started, me and my girls head out for the wild night we been planning for months.

What I didn't know was that the line would feel like 3 miles long and realizing we need our ID when we're finally 5 feet before the security. Why are parties this complicated? I don't know. But luckily we all at least have pictures of our ID and got in.

When we step foot into the party, the first thing we see is purple lights illuminating the entire venue. People are scattered everywhere and in every other corner we see the Ques barking and hopping to their stroll.

"Lawd have mercy" one of my homegirls say in love with the ques. Me and the other laugh and roll our eyes.

After some time just standing, we decided to find a small table and sit down with our small get ups. Our drinks from the pregame were starting to kick in after 10 minutes and we were laughing our ass off drunk when we hear "Girl the way you move it got me in a trance-", and that was it. All of us pulled each other to the dance floor and start to turn up. I'm throwing ass on my home girl and catching from the other.

I needed this. Seriously. I forgot how fun it is to be outside in the streets. Seconds later, we hear a scream and laugh from a girl and gasp from the crowd. One of the Ques picked up a girl and started acting like he was eating her out.

We all looked at each other with our jaws dropped. Ain't no wayyyyy. They were not lying bout it getting wild.

Right behind where I see the spotlight shining, about 30 feet away, I saw a face I didn't think I'd see at all. Just as his eyes set in on the scene before him he also saw my eyes and we made eye contact for a brief second.

I turned my body so fast that I almost knocked my home girl over. In the middle of her fussing me out she asked what happened. Naturally, I told her that Ony is at the party.

"Why is a nigga at a Que party is the real question though?"

"Girl unimportant can we please move somewhere else"

We all move to a separate section of the party venue. This can not happen. I'm drunk and I been dancing? I can not see or be around that man right now.

Before I could even get the nightmare out my head, I hear a "Y/n" near my head. I turn around mouth slightly agape to see him once again. Even finer in his put together party get up than his athlete clothes from yesterday. My mind all caught up in him just like last time I'm in a blur of what he's actually saying to me.

"Y/n, why are you here right now?" He whispers yells in my ear from the loud music blasting from the speakers.

I look to my left and right and my homegirls dashed off like the road runner... traitors.

Looking at him once again, eyes low from the drink in my system I ask, "Ony, why would it matter to you? I'm not your girl and you not my man. We single. The real question is why you're at a Que party." Remembering what my homegirl had said to bite back at him.

He fixes his face, his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek looking at me clearly frustrated. Just looking at his face he can't leave me alone. Sorry that's just drunk me talking I don't know whats on his mind.

"Y/n, why the hell you been drinking so much? Don't you got a paper to finish?"

"Ony you are not my daddy get up out my face!" I yell at him. "I'm out here having fun with my girls trying to get over YOUR ASS so why can't you just mind yo business!" Oops. My eyes widened, that last part wasn't supposed to come out. Fuck.

Shit, how did he react to that?

Without time for me to look up and see his face or even hear him utter a word, he has my hand in his and leading me somewhere and fast. I'm trying to keep up but it's kind of hard to have good foot and direction coordination in a party like this and off my ass.

With all of the movement feeling like a blur, I found both of us outside of the party venue from some back door. It's slightly raining by the building and the night sky showed a bright orange street light that was our only light source.

He takes off his jacket and puts it over my shoulders to warm me. It's a bit cold. What a gentleman.

"Y/n ... what did you say?"

He stares directly in my eyes with a sense of fervency and hope. One that I can't deny now.

Part 2?

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Authors Note: Hi y'all! I haven’t written fanfic in soooo long but never stopped reading lmao. I loveeee this one so much. It’s Literally the best fic ive done period thus far. I’m trying to think if I should start writing again fr esp for my fictional anime men.

[imloyaltoscoups]

unforgettable memories | yoon jeonghan

As you storm out of Jeonghan's apartment, your heart feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces. Each step you take feels heavy, weighed down by the burden of your emotions. Tears stream down your cheeks uncontrollably, blurring your vision as you try to navigate through the streets.

The memories flood your mind - the laughter, the shared moments, the promises made. But now, it all feels like a cruel joke, a facade that's come crashing down around you. You trusted Jeonghan with your heart, believing that your love was enough to weather any storm. But now, it feels like you've been betrayed, like everything you thought was real was just an illusion.

You try to wipe away the tears, but they keep coming, a relentless reminder of the pain inside you. You want to scream, to let out all the frustration and hurt that's consuming you from within.

But instead, you keep walking, putting one foot in front of the other, trying to escape the pain, even though you know it will follow you wherever you go. And as you disappear into the night, the tears continue to fall, a silent testament to the love you once had, now lost amidst the ruins of a broken relationship.

As you find yourself walking aimlessly, each step a subconscious movement as your mind reels with questions and doubts. The morning sun begins to cast its warm light upon the city, and you stumble upon a small cafe. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee beckons you inside, offering a brief respite from the turmoil within.

You take a seat, hoping that a cup of coffee might provide some solace amidst the chaos of your emotions. As you sip the steaming brew, your thoughts drift to the why's and what-if's of the relationship. Was it something you did wrong? Were you lacking in some way? The self-doubt creeps in, gnawing at the edges of your consciousness.

Lost in your thoughts, you're suddenly jolted back to reality by the persistent ringing of your phone. With a sigh, you glance at the caller ID, recognizing the number instantly. Without hesitation, you block it, a small act of defiance amidst the overwhelming sense of vulnerability.

For a moment, there's a fleeting sense of relief, a brief respite from the build up emotions. But deep down, you know that blocking the number won't erase the pain. So you take another sip of your coffee, hoping that with each swallow, the bitterness of the brew might somehow numb the ache inside.

Your phone continues to demand attention, this time with Seokmin's name flashing on the screen. Despite the uncertainty in your heart, you know Seokmin's call isn't unexpected. After all, you're close with the other members, and he's likely just checking in out of genuine concern.

As you ignore the call, a text message pops up from him, a simple inquiry about how you're doing. It's a reminder that amidst the chaos of your own emotions, there are still people who care about you, who want to see you smile again.

With a deep breath, you compose yourself and begin to type out a reply, masking the pain behind a facade of normalcy. You tell Seokmin that you're doing okay, that it's just been a rough day. You don't mention Jeonghan or the disturbance that's been consuming you. Instead, you focus on the trivial details, hoping to divert attention away from the painful memories you were consumed to.

With each passing day in Seoul, you've made a conscious effort to immerse yourself in the experience, determined not to let the weight of your emotions overshadow the beauty of the city. You've explored its vibrant streets, sampled its culinary delights, and went to the places you wished to visit together with Jeonghan.

As the fourth day draws to a close, you find yourself reflecting on the moments of joy and wonder you've experienced during your time alone here. Despite the lingering ache in your heart, there's a sense of empowerment in knowing that you can find happiness even in the midst of pain.

As you make your way back to the hotel, exhaustion begins to settle in. You finally arrive at your hotel room, you let out a sigh of relief, grateful for the sanctuary it provides amidst the chaos of the outside world. And as you settle into bed, a notification pops up on your phone, a message from Seungkwan inviting you to the celebration, you feel a mix of emotions swirling within you. On one hand, you're genuinely happy for the boys and their success with the new album. They've worked hard, and you know they deserve to celebrate this milestone.

But on the other hand, the thought of facing them, of pretending that everything is okay when it's not, fills you with apprehension. You know that they had no part in Jeonghan's actions, and they're innocent bystanders in the fallout of your relationship. They've always been supportive friends, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing beneath the surface.

As you contemplate whether to attend the celebration or not, you weigh the pros and cons. On one hand, it could be a chance to temporarily escape the heaviness of your emotions, to immerse yourself in the joy of the moment. But on the other hand, it could also be a reminder of everything you've lost, a painful contrast to the happiness you once shared with your former lover.

In the end, you decide to attend, knowing that isolating yourself won't heal the wounds in your heart. After all, you refuse to let Jeonghan's betrayal rob you of your friendships and the joy of celebrating the boys' success. And since today is your last day at the country, you thought meeting with your friends before you go is the perfect way to end this trip.

As you arrive at the venue where the celebration will be held, you feel a surge of nerves coursing through you. Before stepping inside, you decide to give Seungkwan a quick call to let him know you've arrived.

"Kwannie, it's me," you say, trying to sound casual despite the the feeling in your chest.

"Y/N! Are you here now," Seungkwan responds cheerfully. "We're all excited to see you. Oh, and by the way, Hannie said he'll come to pick you up. He's on his way."

Your heart sinks at the mention of Jeonghan's name. You hesitate for a moment, wanting to protest or come up with an excuse, but the words stick in your throat.

"Oh, okay," you finally manage to say, masking your discomfort with a forced smile.

"Great! See you in a bit then," Seungkwan says before hanging up.

As you end the call, a sense of dread settles over you. You know you should have spoken up, should have told him the truth about your breakup with Jeonghan. But the fear of confrontation and the pain of admitting the reality of the situation hold you back.

With a heavy heart, you resign yourself to the inevitable encounter with your ex, knowing that facing him will only reopen wounds that have yet to heal.

As you scan the room, your heart clenches when you spot Jeonghan making his way towards you, a warm smile playing on his lips. Despite the pain and betrayal you feel, a part of you still longs for the familiarity of his embrace.

But as he draws closer, his arms outstretched in invitation for a hug, you feel a surge of anger and indignation rising within you. How dare he act as though everything is normal after what he's done?

You step back, halting his advancement, and the smile on his face falters for a moment, replaced by a look of confusion and concern.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks, his voice laced with genuine concern.

You feel the weight of his gaze bearing down on you, and for a moment, you're tempted to spill everything, to unleash the torrent of emotions that have been simmering beneath the surface. But you clamp down on the impulse, steeling yourself against the vulnerability of exposing your heart to him once again.

"The audacity you have..." you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper, but the words hang heavy in the air between you.

Jeonghan's expression softens, his eyes searching yours for answers that you're not ready to give.

"I'm sorry," he says, his voice barely audible over the din of the crowd. "Can we talk?"

But you shake your head, your resolve hardening with each passing moment.

"Not now," you reply, your voice firm despite the tremor in your heart. "I'm not ready."

And with that, you turn away, leaving Jeonghan standing there, his outstretched arms falling to his sides, a silent testimony to the chasm that now lies between you.

Taking a deep breath to steady your nerves, you make your way over to where Seokmin, Seungkwan, and Hoshi are gathered, chatting and enjoying their drinks.

"Hey, guys," you say, mustering a smile despite the chaos of emotions swirling inside you.

"Hey, there you are!" Seokmin exclaims, his face lighting up as he spots you. "Welcome back!"

"Yeah, we were wondering when you'd show up," Hoshi chimes in with a playful grin.

Seungkwan nods in agreement, his eyes twinkling with excitement. "We missed you!"

You return their smiles, pushing aside the pain for the moment as you focus on celebrating their success.

"Congratulations on the album launch!" you say, genuine warmth seeping into your voice. "You guys did an amazing job. I'm so proud of you."

Seokmin beams at your words, his eyes shining with gratitude. "Thanks! We really appreciate it. We couldn't have done it without the support of our fans and friends like you."

As the conversation flows and laughter fills the air, Seungkwan suggests, "Hey, why don't we go find the others? They'd be thrilled to see you here."

You hesitate for a moment, the thought of facing the rest of the members stirring up a whirlwind of emotions within you. But you know that avoiding them won't make things any easier, and deep down, you long for the comfort of their familiar presence.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," you reply, mustering a smile despite the nerves fluttering in your stomach.

Seungkwan grins, his enthusiasm infectious. "Great! They're over at that corner table near the stage. Let's go, I'll show you the way."

You follow Seungkwan's lead as he guides you through the bustling crowd, weaving between clusters of people until you reach the designated area where the rest of the members are gathered.

As you approach the table, you're met with a chorus of greetings and smiles from the familiar faces of Joshua, Mingyu, and Wonwoo.

"Y/N! Nice to see you again!," Joshua says, his warm smile putting you at ease.

Mingyu nudges Wonwoo, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Told you Y/N wouldn't miss out on all the fun!"

Wonwoo chuckles, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I guess you were right."

As the conversation flows smoothly among the group, Joshua's question catches you completely off guard. You feel a momentary panic rise within you, unsure of how to navigate the delicate balance between honesty and protecting your heart.

Joshua's gaze is gentle, his concern evident as he waits for your response. You swallow hard, searching for the right words to convey the truth without revealing too much.

"We're... uh, doing okay," you finally manage to say, forcing a small smile despite the discomfort gnawing at your insides.

Mingyu raises an eyebrow, sensing the hesitation in your voice. "Just okay?"

You glance at Seungkwan, silently pleading for support, but he only offers a sympathetic smile in return.

"Yeah, you know how it is," you reply, deflecting the question with a casual shrug. "Just taking things one day at a time."

The others nod in understanding, their expressions a mixture of sympathy and concern. You feel a pang of guilt for not being more honest with them, but the fear of exposing your vulnerability keeps you from saying more.

Thankfully, the conversation quickly shifts to lighter topics, and you breathe a silent sigh of relief, grateful for the distraction.

You glance down at your nearly empty glass, using it as an excuse to momentarily escape the intensity of the conversation. Clearing your throat, you offer a small smile to the group.

"Sorry, I'll be right back. Just need to grab another drink," you say, your voice light and casual, though your heart still feels heavy with unspoken emotions.

Seungkwan nods understandingly. "Sure thing, take your time. We'll be right here."

With a murmured word of thanks, you slip away from the table, grateful for the brief respite from the weight of the conversation. As you make your way to the bar, you can't help but feel a sense of relief at the opportunity to gather your thoughts and compose yourself.

At the bar, you signal to the bartender for another drink, grateful for the chance to momentarily drown out the chaos of your emotions with the clinking of glasses and the buzz of conversation around you.

As you wait for your drink, you take a deep breath, steeling yourself for the inevitable return to the group.

Your heart skips a beat as you hear Mingyu's voice shouting across the room, the sudden tension pulling you back into the present moment. You quicken your pace, anxiety gnawing at your insides as you approach the table.

As you arrive, Mingyu's eyes lock onto yours, a knowing look in his gaze that sends a shiver down your spine. "She knows," he says again, his voice laced with a mixture of surprise and concern.

You furrow your brow, confusion clouding your thoughts as you try to make sense of his words. "Knows what?" you ask, your voice tinged with apprehension.

Before anyone can respond to your question, another voice, one that is hauntingly familiar, echoes in your ears. You turn around, your heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and dread, and your eyes widen in shock as you see her standing there, conversing with Seungcheol and Dino.

Your mind races as you try to comprehend the sight before you. It feels like a cruel twist of fate, a moment you never could have imagined in your wildest dreams. And yet, there she is, a ghost from your past, standing mere feet away from you.

As you turn back to face your friends, a lump forms in your throat, making it difficult to speak. You gulp down the rising tide of emotion, mustering the courage to confront them with the question that weighs heavily on your heart.

"Are you guys aware of this?" you manage to choke out, your voice trembling with a mixture of hurt and betrayal.

Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Hoshi exchange uneasy glances, their expressions clouded with guilt and remorse. Seungkwan steps forward, his voice barely above a whisper. "We… we're sorry, Y/N. We didn't know what to do. We thought… we thought it was best to stay out of it."

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, leaving you reeling with disbelief. Since when? Since when had they known about Jeonghan's cheating, about the betrayal that had been lurking in the shadows all this time? And why had they chosen to keep it from you, to shield you from the truth at the cost of your own pain?

Tears began to blur your vision as you struggle to make sense of it all. "Since when?" you repeat, your voice cracking with emotion.

Joshua hangs his head, unable to meet your gaze. "For a while now," he admits, his voice thick with regret. "We didn't want to hurt you, Y/N. We were just trying to protect you."

But their words offer little comfort as the realization sinks in - that they had known about Jeonghan's betrayal all along, and yet they had chosen to keep it from you, to spare you the pain of facing the truth.

Your words come out sharper than intended, laced with bitterness and resentment as you struggle to process the magnitude of the betrayal. You clear your throat, trying to steady your voice as you address your friends.

"Well, of course you guys would hide it," you say, your tone tinged with sarcasm. "After all, Hannie has been with you guys since your teens, right? Three years of friendship with me couldn't possibly compare."

The words hang heavy in the air, a stark reminder of the imbalance in your relationship with Jeonghan and your friends. You feel a surge of anger rising within you, fueled by the realization that they had chosen loyalty to him over honesty with you.

But beneath the anger lies a deeper hurt, a sense of betrayal that cuts to the core of your being. You had thought they were your friends, your confidants, the ones you could rely on no matter what. And yet, they had chosen to keep such a significant secret from you, robbing you of the chance to confront the truth and reclaim control over your own life.

"Well, thank you for inviting me here," you say, the words dripping with sarcasm. "At least I have a reason to never come back here again. Thank you for making my stay here memorable, again congratulations with the album."

With that, you place your drink down on the table, the clink of glass against wood echoing in the tense silence that hangs between you and your friends. You straighten your posture, steeling yourself against the waves of emotion threatening to overwhelm you.

As you turn to leave, you can feel their eyes on you, filled with regret and remorse. But the damage has been done, the trust irreparably shattered. You refuse to look back, unwilling to subject yourself to any further pain or betrayal.

As you begin to walk away, a hand grabs your arm, pulling you back with a force that startles you. You turn around to see Jeonghan, his chest heaving as he catches his breath. His eyes plead with you, a desperate plea for one last chance to explain.

"Please," he gasps, his voice raw with emotion. "Can we talk for the last time?"

Your anger boils over at his audacity, at the nerve he has to ask for your time after what he's done. Without thinking, you raise your hand and slap him across the face, the sound echoing in the empty space between you.

"How dare you?" you seethe, your voice trembling with rage. "You know what you did. You know where I come from, what my family has been through. You promised me you would never do this, that you would never cheat on me."

Tears blur your vision as you confront him, the pain of his betrayal cutting deep into your soul. The weight of your broken trust hangs heavily in the air, a silent accusation against the man who promised to love and cherish you, but ultimately chose to betray you in the worst possible way.

Jeonghan recoils from your slap, his hand coming up to touch his stinging cheek. His eyes are filled with regret and remorse, but it's too little, too late.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice barely audible over the roar of your anger. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Tears stream down your cheeks as you confront Jeonghan with the depth of your pain and betrayal. Anguish and resentment surge within you, fueling the torrent of words that spill from your lips like a flood.

"And the fact that the other members know about this, not just recently, but from the start!" you exclaim, your voice trembling with emotion. "You should have asked to break up, Jeonghan. You should have been honest if you were getting tired of me cause of this LDR. You make me question if what we have is really real, if you really do love me."

Your hand instinctively clenches into a fist, and you hit his chest, the force of your blow fueled by days of pent-up frustration and disappointment. Jeonghan winces at the impact, but his eyes remain fixed on yours, filled with a mixture of regret and longing.

"I do love you," he begins, his voice barely above a whisper. "I still do."

But his words ring hollow in your ears, drowned out by the echoes of his betrayal. You shake your head, unable to bear the weight of his empty promises any longer.

"If you really love me," you continue, your voice trembling with emotion, "you would never even entertain the thought of cheating. You would have respected me enough to be honest, to communicate, to work through our problems together."

"I can't do this anymore," you say, your voice filled with resignation. "I deserve better than this."

And as you turn away, the echoes of your words lingering in the air, you can't help but wonder if you'll ever be able to trust again, if you'll ever be able to love again, after the wounds Jeonghan and your "friends" has inflicted upon your heart.

part 1 , part 3

....... ≿━━━━༺JEONGHAN༻━━━━≾ .......

[wholoveseggs]

Hi! I just wanted to tell you that I love your stories. They are just so incredible. Every day I hope for some new post from you, it makes my day every time so much better!

I also wanted to try and request something. Elijah x Reader were they are maybe best friends and she is recovering from an abusive relationship and he finds it out. The end is up to you. Thank you so much!

I apologize for spelling mistakes, english is not my first language.

Perfect Messes

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

After a difficult relationship that left you struggling to rebuild your life, you reconnect with an old friend who helps you rediscover what true love feels like.

♡♡ Thanks for the request beautiful anon! sorry it took so long. This one was a bit personal for me... so I wanted to do it right ~xoxo♡♡

5.6k words - Warnings: smutt, so much fluff, little bit of angst, vague mentions of abuse, panic attack, white knight Elijah {my fav}, soft and romantic, lots of friendly banter {in bed}, Elijah being protective && slow dancing...

♡♡ Tag-List ♡♡

Trying to fix my tags! I re-added all of you, and now you will be posted at the top! If you no longer wished to be tagged just shoot me a DM {I won't be offended} xoxo~

@gorgeouslydangerous @starkleila @lydia1369sworld @notleylaaa @vampiresluv

@myanmy @xflowerbombxo @maryvibes @always-and-forever-daydreaming

@spnaquakindgdom @amournoir @meeom @damienmorton @wickedmuse

@cs-please @complicatedandconfusing-25 @youcanhavemybuckanyday @akala6670229 @yeaiamme2

@itsjulzandmydiamonds @spideysbabe @witch-of-letters @elijahstwink @rosecentury

@amanda08319 @starshipcookie @li-da-savage @veggie-eggrolls @spideybv28

@sunkissedebony97 @idk00sblog @savannaounana @sekaishell

@loving-and-dreaming @fancycassie-stayfancy @hcqwxrtss123 @iamawkwardandshy @ziayamikaelson @b1tchy

The restaurant Elijah picked out was so typically him; small, quiet, and dimly lit.

He always preferred the atmosphere of these little hole-in-the-wall restaurants to the more popular ones that were always packed. It made him feel like he was part of an exclusive club that only a few knew about, and that's how he liked it.

It had been almost two years since you had seen him, but judging by his choice of restaurants, not much had changed. He was still a kind and intelligent man, preferring to observe before acting, with an impeccable taste in all things.

He was, by all means, a gentleman. He had always treated you with respect, always listened when you had a problem and would give you advice. Solid, reliable, sweet Elijah.

But for you, everything had changed, your world had tilted and flipped on its axis, and you couldn't tell if you were right side up anymore.

You looked nervously out the window, you didn't like sitting next to it. Anyone could see you and take advantage. You subconsciously picked at your nails, a habit you had developed recently. Your therapist had told you that the trauma of your past would manifest in strange ways. She was right, but knowing the why didn't change the fact that you couldn't stop doing it.

Elijah had been uncharacteristically quiet since he sat down across from you, studying you. You didn't like it, firstly because it made you feel like a bit of a zoo animal, and secondly, because he was likely noticing things you had been hoping to keep hidden.

He watched you glance out the window again and again, could see the little scars and flecks of blood around your cuticles, could hear the way your heart would race when someone walked too close to your table. His once carefree and bubbly friend had become a scared rabbit, flinching at loud noises and sudden movements.

The worst part was that you seemed so resigned to your fate, like this was your life now. It broke his heart.

You didn't like the awkward silence that had settled between the two of you. You fidgeted with the napkin in your lap, refusing to make eye contact. The two of you had once been such close friends, you would laugh and joke together for hours, but that had changed, and not for the better.

You could tell that he knew. The way he was looking at you, his brow furrowed in concern, his eyes darting to every new scar that was visible, he knew. It made you feel this deep, unending shame that had been haunting you from the first day you ex had laid a hand on you.

You frowned and turned away. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. You wondered what he would think of you now, and if he would hate the person you've become.

"What made you reach out?" He asked, and you could hear the smile in his voice.

You swallowed a bit of food you were picking at and paused. "I guess I was just ready to start living again," you said, and you took a sip of water.

"You weren't living?" He asked.

"I was surviving," you answered.

He frowned and reached across the table, and his hand wrapped around yours. You stiffened, then relaxed, his touch warm and comforting.

"Well I'm glad you're back," he said with a smile.

You nodded and tried to smile, but you couldn't help the tears that filled your eyes. His eyes widened and he let go of your hand. It was always the unexpected, simple words that made you fall apart.

"Oh no, please don't cry. What's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm sorry. I'm just glad to see you," you said.

You took a shaky breath and tried to get yourself under control. You felt a piece of fabric being placed in your hand, it was his handkerchief, a simple white piece of fabric with a green ‘EM’ embroidered in the corner.

"There is nothing to be sorry for, darling," he said.

You smiled a little and dabbed your eyes, you missed the way he would call you darling, or love, or sweetheart. It had been so long.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" He asked.

He was watching you carefully, his dark eyes studying you as if he could pick apart every thought in your head. You had forgotten how intimidating his stare could be.

You sighed and looked at the ceiling, and you tried to find the words. "I made a mistake, and I'm still recovering from it."

"Recovering?" He asked.

His eyes flickered to the scars on your arms, and the ones that were peeking out from under your shirt collar. He thought that he already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from you.

You closed your eyes, the pain in your chest growing stronger. "You remember that guy I started seeing? Not long before we lost touch."

"I do."

"Well, we weren't a good match, and he wasn't the greatest guy." You said, and you fiddled with the edge of his handkerchief.

"He hurt you."

It was a statement, not a question, and his expression was grim. You nodded and wiped the tear that slid down your cheek. You weren't sure if you were ready to have this conversation, and you hated that he had figured it out on his own.

"Yes," you whispered, the shame filling your body again.

He was silent for a long moment, and you mustered up the courage to look at him. You expected to see pity or disgust, but his eyes were calm.

"It wasn't your fault," he said.

"That's what everyone says," you said a little too sharply, the bitterness clear in your voice.

"Why don't you believe it?" He asked.

You shook your head and wiped the tears from your cheeks. You hated the way you cried when you were stressed, it always made you feel weak.

"My father would beat Niklaus so fiercely that he couldn't leave his bed for days. I always blamed myself. Who was I, if I could not protect him from harm?" He said.

Your heart hurt for him, for the pain that had been so deeply ingrained in him. He never talked about his childhood. He told you it was a long time ago and didn't bother him anymore, but you could see the truth in his eyes. It would always hurt, and it had left him with deep scars.

"It took me a long time to learn that some people will hurt us, no matter what we do," he continued, reaching out to hold your hand again. "They will tell you that you are to blame, that the abuse is a consequence of your behavior, and it is not. Do not ever forget that."

You nodded, and a small smile graced your lips. His hand was warm in yours, and his touch was gentle.

"My father was treated poorly by his father, and his father before that. And the cycle continues. Broken people don't know any other way," he said.

He brushed his thumb across the back of your hand and gave you a reassuring smile.

"It takes enormous strength not to continue the cycle. To not place your pain on the shoulders of others. To recognize the harm and end it with you." He finished, his voice was low and his words were gentle.

You wiped the tears and nodded. He was right. You didn't deserve what happened to you, and you didn't have to carry that weight on your own. These were things you told yourself before, but it was hard for you to truly believe them.

"I don't know if I'm capable of that sort of strength," you said, and you sniffed.

"Oh my dear, you're already stronger than you know," he said.

You didn't feel strong, in fact you felt rather weak and small. You were tired, and broken.

He smiled, and his thumb rubbed soft circles on your wrist. "As cliche as it sounds, it truly just takes time. On the bad days you just need to remind yourself of that," he said.

You nodded, the words sinking into your soul, and you clung to the hope that they offered. You didn't realize how much you needed to hear that.

"I should have called sooner. I missed you," you said, and you smiled, your eyes meeting his.

"I missed you, too."

Your ex had manipulated you into cutting contact with most of your friends, and you didn't realize how much you relied on those connections until it was gone. But with Elijah, it felt like no time had passed at all. You were so grateful to have him back.

It had been a few weeks since you had reconnected with Elijah, and he was a constant in your life now. He would come by almost everyday and visit with you. He would bring you coffee or lunch, or simply sit and talk for hours. He would listen, and he would tell stories of his travels, and it made your heart so happy.

You always had a soft little crush on him, and having him back in your life made those feelings intensify. But dating wasn't something you were ready for, the idea of being intimate with anyone made you feel anxious. Your ex had made even sex a violent thing, and that was a wound you weren't ready to reopen.

And you didn't know if Elijah was interested. He was so caring, and thoughtful, and you wondered if he saw you as anything more than a friend.

It was raining outside, and you were heading home from your therapy session. You were trying to keep the umbrella above you, but it kept blowing inside out, and the wind and rain were making it difficult.

As you approached your door, you could see something attached to the doorknob. You pulled the item off and inspected it. It was a single rose, tied with a note.

You opened the door and headed to the kitchen, your wet coat and shoes discarded in the entryway. You wondered who the rose was from, a small part of you hoping it was Elijah.

You peeled open the note and read it, panic immediately filled your body. The rose and note had fallen out of your hands, and were scattered across the kitchen floor. 

A picture had fallen out of the note, it was an image of you and your ex, you were asleep and wearing a nightgown. The note read, "I miss nights like this. I'll be waiting."

It was him, he had found you.

Your body went numb and you immediately fled out of your apartment, not bothering to put on your shoes or coat, leaving the front door wide open.

You had done everything to hide from him, changed your job, your phone number, moved apartments.

You could feel the panic building inside of you, the walls closing in around you. The rain was cold and the wind was harsh, but you didn't notice, didn't care. All you wanted was to get away, to hide.

You just kept running until the panic made your knees give out and you collapsed in a small alcove between two buildings.

Your hands shook as you pulled out your phone, and dialed the last number you called.

"Hello?" Elijah answered.

You didn't have the words to answer him, and the sob that tore out of your throat was loud and desperate. You could barely get the words out, the fear, panic and humiliation making it nearly impossible.

"Where are you?" He asked, his voice was hard, and he sounded like he was already on the move.

"I...I'm sorry..." You choked out, tears streaming down your face.

"Turn on your location, I'll come get you," he said.

You could hear his car start, and you heard a voice in the background, likely his brother Klaus.

"Please hurry," you said, the panic making you feel sick.

"I'm on my way. Everything is going to be okay."

His voice was calm and steady in the storm of panic. You could hear the screeching of his tires as they took off.

You sat and listened to the sounds of his car, the rain pounding against the roof, the sound of his breathing. Klaus was driving, and you could hear his muffled accent in the background.

"Do not hang up, alright?" Elijah said, his voice was firm.

You nodded, though he couldn't see you, and tried to focus on his breathing, using the sound to keep yourself grounded.

"Tell me three things you see," he said softly.

"Three things?"

"Yes, anything you can see. Three things."

You looked around the little alcove, there were two benches, the ground was damp, and a little trash can.

"I...uhh.. two benches, a trash can, and a sign," you said, your voice sounded foreign and strange to you.

"Good, that's good. Now three things you hear."

"The rain, the traffic and... and you. You're still there?" You asked, your voice full of confusion.

You felt lightheaded and cold, the rain now fully soaked through your clothes.

"Of course I'm still here," he said.

You could hear the sounds of the city, and the sound of his tires as he turned a corner.

"Now three things you feel."

You felt the cold pavement beneath you, the water dripping off your hair and onto your skin, and the panic clawing at your throat.

"I feel the pavement, the water, a-and… and…," you said, your breath was starting to quicken.

"You're doing great, darling," he said softly.

Your chest felt tight, and it was getting harder to breathe. You felt like you were dying, your heart beating so fast you thought it might burst.

"I can't breathe," you whimpered, your free hand clutching your chest.

The sound of tires screeching to a halt made you flinch, and the line disconnected. You could hear footsteps pounding against the pavement, and then you felt two warm hands scooping under your arms.

"It's me, darling. You're safe," he said, and he lifted you to your feet, then he picked you up and started carrying you.

You clung to him, burying your face into his neck, breathing in his scent. He carried you over to his car, and placed you gently in the back seat. He removed his coat and wrapped it around you, then climbed in after you. His hands were running through your hair and wiping the tears off your face.

"Take a deep breath with me, darling. You're okay," he said.

His hands were resting on your waist, and he pulled you close, your chest pressing against his. He took a deep breath, and you did the same. The pressure of his body against yours helped calm you, and the sound of his heartbeat helped ground you.

"Good, just like that," he said softly, his eyes watching your face carefully.

He pressed a kiss to your forehead, letting you relax into his touch. His fingers combed through your hair, and his other hand rubbed your back soothingly.

"I've got you," he whispered, his breath fanning across your cheek.

The panic slowly subsided, replaced with utter exhaustion. Your eyes grew heavy and you rested your head against his shoulder, and you closed your eyes.

"Thank you," you whispered, the sleep already claiming you.

"No need, I will always be there for you," he said.

His voice was like a promise, one you knew he would keep. He held you close, his arms a safe and warm place, and soon sleep took over.

Elijah had invited you to move into the compound for a while. You were grateful for his offer, and his family had been nothing but kind to you. All of them understood, and were supportive, and had promised to help protect you.

It had been a few weeks since your panic attack, and you were still trying to piece yourself back together. Your ex had been found, and Klaus had ensured that he would never hurt anyone ever again. But it didn't stop the fear that crept up your spine when you were alone.

You were sitting in Elijah's room, reading a book while he worked. You had taken to spending a lot of time in his company, and he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it as well.

There was soft classical music playing on the radio, and the soft yellow lights of the many candles made the room feel cozy. You glanced over at Elijah, his head was bent and he was looking over some papers.

The two of you had fallen back into the easy banter that had once defined your relationship, and you were grateful for him.

"Are you hungry? I could go get us some dinner," he said, and his voice pulled you out of the book you were reading.

You looked up at him and shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. He looked extra good today, dressed in a simple button down and dress pants. You had noticed him looking at you quite a bit as well, and it made your stomach flip every time.

"I'm fine, thank you," you said, and you smiled at him.

You liked that he was always thinking about you, and it was sweet. But you couldn't deny the feelings that had started to develop for him, and it made the butterflies in your stomach flutter every time he looked at you. You wanted to be intimate with someone again, to feel love the way you once did. To not let all the trauma and pain define the rest of your life.

Elijah put down his pen and gave you a small smile. "You've been staring at me for the past fifteen minutes."

Your face flushed and you looked away, embarrassed at being caught. You weren't sure if you were ready to admit your feelings, or if he even felt the same.

"Sorry, I was just thinking," you said, and you looked back at him, meeting his eyes.

He had stood up and walked over to the couch you were sitting on, reaching out his hand to you.

"Come on, let's get some air," he said.

You stood up and took his hand, and he led you out of his room and to the balcony. The sky was dark and the stars were out, and you could see the moon peeking out behind the clouds.

The air was cool and the breeze was gentle, and you breathed in the fresh night air. Elijah stood next to you, his hand still holding yours, and you were glad that he didn't let go.

"Dance with me?" He asked, and his voice was soft.

You smiled and nodded, and he pulled you into his arms, the two of you swaying slowly to the music that drifted in from inside.

His gaze was intense, but gentle. And his smile was soft. He twirled you, and pulled you back in close. Your breathing slowed, and a smile grew on your face.

He was a talented dancer, and he made sure you didn't make a fool of yourself. It was an excellent distraction, and it was easy to forget about all the horrible things when you were with him.

The two of you danced until the song ended, and his hands were on your waist. You were both laughing, and his eyes were brighter than usual. You were suddenly acutely aware of how close he was.

"Thank you," you said softly, your eyes meeting his, he was looking at you with such tenderness that it made your heart race.

"I've wanted to tell you something," he began, and he reached out and brushed a piece of hair behind your ear.

"What is it?" You asked, the anticipation making your stomach do flips.

"I want you to know, I'll never let anyone hurt you. Not ever again," he said, and his words were sincere.

You smiled, and you reached up and touched his cheek. He had been your rock, and a constant source of strength and comfort.

"I know," you said, and his eyes were so full of emotion.

"I mean it," he said, and he placed his forehead against yours. "You will always be safe with me," he whispered, and his nose touched yours.

Your eyes closed and you let out a sigh. The butterflies in your stomach were fluttering wildly, and your heart was pounding in your chest.

"You've become so important to me," he said softly. "You're my best friend, and... I can't lose you again," he said.

A moment passed, and you could feel the tension building. The air around you felt charged, and you could feel his breath on your lips.

You closed the distance between the two of you, pressing your lips against his. His lips were soft and his hands were gentle. He held you close, the two of you lost in the kiss. It was passionate, and full of all the love and adoration that had grown over the last few months.

You had imagined kissing him before, and it was just as perfect as you thought it would be. You couldn't think straight, and the only thing that mattered was him.

"Is this okay?" He asked as he pulled away, and rested his forehead against yours, his eyes filled with wonder.

You were both out of breath, and a small smirk formed on his lips.

"You're really good at that," you said, and you smiled up at him.

He chuckled and gave you a crooked grin. Then he kissed you again, and his hands moved down to the small of your back, pulling you closer. You melted into him, the kiss deepening, and you felt a familiar warmth spread through your body.

"Elijah, I don't know if I'm ready to... It's been a long time since..." You stammered, the thoughts in your mind a mess, the vulnerability made your skin flush.

He gave you a long look, his hands rubbing small circles on your sides. "Then we'll go slow," he said, taking your hand and leading you back into his room. "Very, very, slow," he whispered, a glint in his eye.

You wanted him, but you were scared, and he could sense it. You needed him to take the lead, to guide you.

"We can stop anytime, just say the word," he said, his voice soft.

He stepped away and sat down on the bed, reaching his hand out to you. You took it, and he pulled you into his lap. His hands moved to your hips, and he kissed you again, slow and sweet.

Your body was responding, reawakening after being long dormant. It was a strange feeling, but a welcome one.

You began to tug at the buttons of his shirt, as his hands slid underneath your blouse, caressing your bare skin. You managed to undo most of the buttons, and pushed his shirt off his shoulders.

You had always found him attractive, but seeing him like this was something else entirely. He had a chiseled chest, and toned arms. Your fingers traced his muscles, and they twitched under your touch.

"Like what you see?" He teased, and a smug smile spread across his face.

"You don't need me to say it, do you?" You replied, a sly grin appearing on your lips.

"I could use a reminder," he said, his eyes sparkling.

You giggled, and the sound surprised you. "Fine, yes, you're attractive... really, really attractive," you said, and the smile on his face grew.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that," he said, and his hands slid higher up your shirt, his thumbs brushing the underside of your breasts.

"Someone's a little full of themselves," you teased, your hands moving up his chest.

His mouth moved to the hollow of your throat, and he nipped at the delicate skin, eliciting a small gasp from you.

"I've heard stories," you continued, your breath catching in your throat.

"Oh yeah?" He hummed, slowly unbuttoning your blouse, kissing each inch of newly exposed skin.

"Kol's a chatty drunk," you said, and your smile turned mischievous. "He said that you're really, really, good at this sort of thing."

"Is that right?" He murmured, and his hands were now cupping your breasts, his thumbs brushing your nipples through the fabric.

"That's what I heard," you gasped, your back arching into his touch.

"It's a bit weird that he knows anything about my skills," he said, and you could hear the amusement in his voice.

"Not if the rumors are true," you replied, and you ground your hips against his.

"Well what do you think?" He teased, his lips trailing down to your breasts, taking a nipple into his mouth.

You moaned, one of his hands was pressed into your lower back, slowly moving your hips. The other was kneading your breast, his mouth sucking and licking at the sensitive bud.

"I...," you started, and you paused, trying to formulate a coherent thought. "I don't think he was wrong..." You managed.

He chuckled, and then his hand slid into your pants, his fingers finding your clit. He began to rub slow, firm circles, and a strangled moan escaped your lips.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, and his hand slowed, the pressure making you gasp.

"Don't you dare," you groaned, and his lips returned to yours.

His mouth was hot, and his tongue was insistent. His fingers moved faster, and his other hand was holding your back, supporting you as you arched into him. Your hands were tangled in his hair, and your breath was coming in short gasps.

"That's it," he murmured, and his voice was husky.

Your eyes were closed, and the sensations were overwhelming. Your toes curled and your fingers dug into his shoulders, and you cried out as the waves of pleasure crashed over you.

He hummed in approval, his fingers still rubbing slow circles, drawing out your release. You trembled in his arms, burying your face in his shoulder.

"Wow," you said breathlessly, kissing his neck softly.

"Good, wow?" He asked, and his tone was light and playful.

"So good, wow," you said, and you giggled, the euphoria making you feel giddy.

He leaned back on to the bed, bringing you with him, making you laugh. The two of you fumbled awkwardly, giggling as you tried to move up the bed. He ended up on top of you, his elbows supporting his weight.

"It's nice to hear you laugh again," he said, and his eyes were full of adoration.

"You're a good distraction," you said, and you grinned.

"I plan on being much more than a distraction," he said, his hands running along your sides.

You smiled up at him, and he leaned down and kissed you, the passion returning. You ran your hands over his chest, your fingers tracing the hard planes of muscle.

"Tell me if it gets too much," he whispered.

You nodded, and his mouth moved down to your neck, nipping and sucking. He slowly removed the rest of your clothes, his lips never leaving your skin.

"I can't believe we are doing this," you said, undoing his belt and pants. "I didn't think... I mean I hoped, but never thought..."

He chuckled, and kicked his pants off. "I know the feeling," he said, and his eyes were twinkling.

"I'm glad you didn't give up on me," you said, and your tone was serious.

He looked at you for a long moment, his gaze searching.

"Never," he said, and he pressed his lips to yours, a hand moving down your thigh and lifting your leg over his hip.

You moaned into his mouth as you felt his cock bump against your wetness. You knew he would be gentle and loving, but there was still a hint of fear and trepidation.

"I'm going to make love to you now," he said, and his voice was soft, his eyes looking at you tenderly.

Your face turned scarlet, and a deep flush appeared on his cheeks. It was the first time you had ever seen him embarrassed. It was so charming, and it reminded you why you fell for him in the first place.

"Was that not the right thing to say?" He asked, and the nervous laugh he let out was adorable.

"No, no, it was very..." you started, but couldn't finish.

"It was very what?" He asked, the amusement back in his tone.

"Romantic," you managed, and a grin formed on your lips. "It's not something I'm used to," you said, and a pained look flashed across his face.

"He didn't treat you the way he should have," Elijah said, and his eyes were dark.

"It's okay," you said, and you cupped his cheek, giving him a soft smile. "I have you now, and that's all that matters."

His lips met yours, and his cock pressed against your entrance.

"Ready?" He asked, and his voice was husky.

You nodded, and he slowly entered you, letting out a groan. It had been so long since you had been intimate with someone, and it felt incredible. He moved his hips, setting a slow pace, gauging your response to his movements.

"I love you," he groaned, gently placing his forehead against yours.

His words and eyes were sincere, but your response caught in your throat. His movements were slow and sensual, causing you to moan into his mouth, your hips gently rocking to meet his.

"You don't have to say it back, I just want you to know," he whispered, his lips brushing yours.

A tear slid down your cheek, and he kissed it away, noticing the way you were struggling with your emotions.

"I will keep you safe, and love you for as long as you let me," he promised, his eyes glossy.

The two of you continued moving together, the emotions and sensations heightened by his words. He was gentle and loving, and the way he was looking at you made your heart swell.

You were both lost in the pleasure, and the world fell away, only the two of you left. He held you close, his body moving with yours, and the intimacy of the act made you feel complete.

"Eli-" you moaned, the words unable to leave your mouth.

"I know," he said, running his fingers through your hair and giving you a kiss that made your head spin.

Your kisses grew messy as you both got close to the edge, panting against each other. You tried to tell him how good he made you feel, how much you loved him too, but all that came out was a plea. Your face buried in the crook of his neck as your back arched, and your legs started to shake.

"You're alright," he murmured in your ear, holding you tightly as your walls clenched around him.

Your breath left you, and he gripped you as he chased his own release. He lifted you off the bed, pulling you up so you could ride him as he held you to his chest.

Your toes curled and another wave of bliss hit you, a wanton moan escaping you. Your name sounded so good rolling off his lips, and he followed you, groaning as he found his release.

You held each other, him slowly lowering you back to the bed, not daring to pull away or let you go. You were slightly dizzy and felt like you were floating, and it was the best feeling in the world.

"Damn, you're good," you breathed, and a satisfied grin formed on his lips.

He kissed your neck, his breath warm against your skin.

"I know, just ask Kol..." he joked, and a giggle escaped your lips.

"Please stop talking about Kol," you laughed, and he gave you a sheepish smile.

"You brought him up first," he said, and his smile turned crooked.

You playfully slapped his shoulder and he laughed, looking absolutely elated that he made you smile.

"I love you too," you blurted, feeling too happy and overwhelmed with emotion to wait to tell him.

His grin grew, and he rolled on his side, bringing you with him. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it over you, and you sunk into the warm embrace.

"This feels nice," you said, sighing in content.

"Yeah, it does," he replied, a smile in his voice.

You cuddled for a while, and he lazily drew circles on your skin, his touch soothing and comforting.

"You know I'm a mess right? Prone to panic attacks, have nightmares, and am constantly looking over my shoulder," you said, and the worry that he didn't understand what he was getting into was clear.

"Stop it," he said, his tone gentle, and his arms tightened around you. "You aren't allowed to put yourself down in front of me," he said, and he kissed your forehead

You nodded, and he stroked your cheek, wiping away a tear that you hadn't realized had fallen.

"It's okay to be a mess, I'm a mess too," he said with a soft laugh. "Even though I hide it well," he added.

"You're not a mess, you're perfect," you said, and his smile turned sad.

"Hardly, but I appreciate the sentiment," he replied, and he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"We can be messes together then, how's that sound?" You asked, and the small smile he gave you made your heart skip a beat.

He kissed you, slow and sweet, and a happy sigh escaped your lips.

"Together.”

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Sweet Love (18+)

2003!Donatello x reader

A/N: Woke up with a need for Donnie love, so I decided to make it. Especially after learning that Donnie boi is the only turtle who has never lost his virginity in canon. That just didn’t sit right with me.

-----------------------------------

Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex and spelling.

All characters are aged up.

-----------------------------------

You sighed happily as you felt Donatello’s mouth move over your neck, pressing light kisses getting ever so close to your sweet spot.

It was one of those nights. You had decided to stay over at your sweet boyfriend’s place, loving the feeling of having him close against you. There was no occasion, other than you and Donnie just wishing to be together in sweet embrace, tangled together under his blanket high up on his bunk bed. It wasn’t something the two of you hadn’t tried before. Taking cover in his room at night away from the rest of his family, finding the peace and comfort to explore and express your love for each other in other ways than words could describe.

You could feel a deep churr vibrate from Donni’s chest as your fingers started tracing shapes over his body. You traced circles on the back of his skull, made lines following the curves of his muscular arms, before following the shapes you could feel on the back of his shell.

You felt one of Donatello’s hands move from the side of your hip, dipping just under your shirt, and further to the bottom of your lower back, using it to pull you closer against his plastron, and closer to his cloaca.

You hummed in delight, a lazy smile on your lips as you chased Donnie’s lips for a passionate kiss. Your lips moved together in sync, giving each other shared permission to let your tongues explore, letting yourself get lost in a calm relaxing dance.

A slow three fingered hand moved its way up your back, pulling your shirt up with it along the way, ever so calmly asking you to take it off. With a light sigh that was stepping on the line of becoming a moan, you pulled from the loving kiss to pull your shirt over your head. Donatello watched in trance as the fabric came over your head, letting you breast get exposed to the cold air in his room, before throwing your shirt somewhere on the floor below the bunk bed. Donnie chuckled slightly at that, knowing that in the morning either he would have to go get your shirt for you, or watch you retrieve it yourself half naked.

With your shirt off and your chest bare, you laid back down to your caring boyfriend. With a lazy smile Donatello caught your lips one more time, churring just a little louder, causing you to breathe out a moan against his lips. Donnie’s hand moved from your back to your front, ever so slowly palming one of your breasts in his hand, subconsciously sliding one of his legs between yours. In turn you lifted your leg, hooking it over his hip, causing Donnie to let his hips meet your clothed center. The feeling of your damp underwear against his cloaca making him let out a moan on his own.

Donnie lowered his mouth from your lips to your right nipple, taking it into his mouth and let his tongue roll against it. The moan that came from your mouth was louder than the one before, making your boyfriend hum as you grind your hip against his to cause some friction and release some of the building tension. Donnie moaned, still with your nipple in his mouth, knowing the feeling that was building in his lower region. He was about to drop.

Donnie moved his mouth from your right breast to you left, as he ever so slowly started pushing you on to your back. He threw a quick glance towards the opening into his room, making sure that there was no one outside.

“Donnie…”, you breathed out, moving your hips up against his. He groaned against your breast one last time, before moving his lips back up to yours. Both your hands found his face pulling him closer to your face, continuing the dance of your tongues once more.

Donnie chuckled at your reaction, as his fingers found their way to the edge of your panties. Feeling the damp fabric against him once more, he moved it to the side, giving his fingers free access to your wet center. Your hand smoothed against Donatello's bicep as he let one finger glide through your folds, the sound and smell making his head spin in delight. He coated his fingers in your juices, before using his thumb to rub against your clit, causing you to spread your legs further apart on instinct.

“You smell so good”, Donnie mumbled against your lips, listening to the sound of your soft moans and the sound of your wetness against his fingers. He took the time to remove your underwear, throwing them to where your shirt was, once again enjoying the thought of you having to retrieve them in the morning. You breathed out his name once more before he captured your lips once more, finding your opening with one of his fingers. Your grip on his bicep tightened as he slowly eased his wet finger into you. Donatello swallowed your louder moan with his lips as he worked his finger inside of you. The sound and smell threatening him to drop against you on the spot.

As if you could read Donnie’s mind, you reached a hand down to his cloaca, slowly tracing your fingers around it. Now it was Donnie’s turn to moan softly against your lips, his fingers inside you halting a bit at the feeling. With a deep groan he dropped into your hand, savoring the feeling as you slowly started to pump to him. Donnie removed his lips from yours, looking down at your hands; his thrusting into you once more, and yours stroking his shaft.

Donnie removed his now soaked hand from you, taking your still stroking hand in his, before placing them down next to your head, feeling you entwine your fingers with his. He took his shaft in the other hand, lining it up your entrance before capturing your lips and any moan that escaped you, while he slowly pushed into you. You gasped at the feeling, holding on to your entwined hands even tighter and holding onto his plastron with the other.

Donnie stayed still inside of you, waiting till he knew you had adjusted to his size, before ever so slowly starting to pull himself out, only to push carefully back into you. The muffled sounds from your enclosed lips made his heart skip a beat, before increasing his speed ever so slightly.

Your hand on his plastron once again moved to the edge of his shell, tracing the patterns your fingers found on and between his scutes. Feeling you cling tightly around him, Donnie moved his head to the side of your neck, right next to your still entwined hands, breathing out an airy moan before increasing his speed once more. You turned your head to the side, pressing your lips against his cheek, letting every single one of your sounds go directly into his ear. Donnie moved his free hand under you, holding onto your lower back, slightly raising your hip from his bunk bed, letting his own hip drive even further into you.

Your hand moved from his shell back up to his bicep, where you dug your fingers into his skin, fighting the loud moans that was pressing against your lips. Donnie turned his head so he could look at your face as he once again increased his speed. This caused your mouth to form an O-shape, and your pretty eyes to snap shut, a strangled noise coming from your throat as you tried to keep quiet.

The sound of your skin slapping together and the slight creak of his bunk bed rang out inside of Donnie’s room. He would worry about his brother’s possible annoyance and anger tomorrow when you had gotten home. Because right now the sound of your skin and your small noises was enough for him to let go of your hip, placing his hand over your mouth, covering your noises as he drove his hip against you at a high speed, fighting his own moan to whisper sweet nothings into your ear.

Your legs were shaking and your body moving beneath him. And with the sounds that feel against the palm of his hands he knew you were getting close. As he felt you tighten around him, he knew it would take long before he himself would reach his climax.

As your climax came, Donatello once again captured our lips with his, and captured every sound you let out. He loved the way your body tightened around him, your legs shaking and your hand clawing at his bicep. The other gripping even harder onto his hand. Just as he helped you ride your orgasm out, his own came washing over him. You kissed him through it, enjoying the feeling as he pumped every last bit of himself into you.

He stayed inside of you for a moment, letting himself calm down as you once again traced his shell. How he loved it when you did that.

He pulled out of you, before laying down on his side, pulling you against him once more, staring at you the same way he had done when you first got into bed that night. With one last kiss the two of you held each other close, letting the sleep take over your exhausted bodies, and letting you dream of the sweet love you held for each other.

[tetzoro]

NIGHTMARES — ༉‧₊˚.

ft. jean kirstein !

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : jean has troubles sleeping some nights, but he can always count on you to be there for him.

꒰ CONTENT ꒱ : set awhile after the events of the rumbling, established relationship, hurt/comfort, fluffy ending ! — WC : 1k

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : this has been sitting in my drafts forever so in honor of the finale, i leave it with you ᰔ

reblogs and interactions are always appreciated ! (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ᰔ*.ﾟ

jean knew that he’d spend the rest of his life running away from nightmares that continued to threaten his sanity. between seeing the horrors of war, the events of the rumbling, and the ever-fading image of his best friend, it was rare for him to get a good night's sleep.

tonight was no different. the demons attacked his mind and took over his subconscious. the only thing he could do was wake up and try to shake off the despair that pooled in his stomach before it quickly infected the rest of him. 

he bolted up, barely registering that the blanket he had wrapped around him slipped off, revealing his bare chest. everything felt so intense and all he could do was try to focus on steadying his frantic breathing, his body covered in a cold sweat despite his best efforts.

jean’s hazel eyes frantically searched the room for any sign of a threat but was met with an eerie silence. something even after all these years he wasn’t quite used to. once he had the all clear, his shoulders slumped with a sigh of relief, his gaze trailing from the door back to you. the moonlight crept into the room, shining a soft light against your sleeping figure.

at least he had you, he thinks to himself. the world had taken so much from him but he counted his blessings everyday that you had made it here with him. seeing you always managed to calm him down, bring him back to reality. just your presence alone was more than enough to soothe him, chasing off the demons that lingered behind.

he ran a hand through his hair as he laid back down. you looked so peaceful as you slept; seemingly untouched from the demons that tried to claw its way through your soul. he admired your strength while simultaneously wishing you didn’t have to be so strong. 

jean couldn’t help but pull you close and drown himself in you, burying his face in the crook of your neck and inhaling your scent. his rapidly beating heart started to slow down as he pressed his chest against yours. his heart was listening to yours, ready to follow suit and copy the same pace it held in hopes of fusing together in one shared beat. only then would he start to feel calm again.

an image of the rumbling ran through his mind again, making him involuntarily clutch onto you tighter. finger digging into you. the sudden pressure on your back had your eyes fluttering open. another dose of guilt washed over jean as you started to stir awake.

“sorry for waking you, baby. go back to sleep.” he murmured, kissing the crown of your head in a silent apology. 

“jean?” your sleepy voice called out, sounding so soft in the dead of night. “you’re all sweaty.”

jean’s heart started to beat faster again; the physical reminder of his nightmare was still lingering and now it was trying to infect you. but you were always immune to it, ready to help shoulder the burdens he carried on his back.

“another nightmare?” you whisper, sitting up a little. jean shifts so he’s leaning back against the headboard. you take a good look at him and see the bags sitting under his eyes, the normally bright hazel tone had turned into a dull, murky one; laced with exhaustion. “come here.”

you lay back down on your pillow and open your arms for him. anytime jean had a nightmare, you did what you could to bring him back down to earth. sometimes he’d be stubborn and try to fend it off himself, but as he grew older he realized that maybe it wasn’t so bad to lean on someone. especially if that someone was you. 

jean let out a small sigh of relief before wrapping his arms around your waist, laying his head on your chest. the steady thrum of your heartbeat reminded him of what he needed to know – you’re both alive, both together. everything was going to be okay.

your fingers weave through his silky strands, combing out the knots and loosening the demons hold on his mind. he nuzzled against you, soaking in all the affection you were drowning him in. you hummed softly — a song the two of you had heard a long time ago in marley, before everything had gone to hell.

it brought him back to the memory; a good one this time. it was the first time he had kissed you. everyone had found themselves exploring marley after eren left. the two of you had found a small bar to hide out in for the day. the man at the piano played the tune you were now humming and jean couldn’t help but ask you to dance with him.

 your bodies moved together as one and once the song had ended, jean had leaned down to give you the sweetest kiss you’ve ever had. from there on out, your once solid friendship morphed into a pure devotion to one another.

the vibrations from your humming had his eyes drooping, a dopey smile starting to take up his face as the memory of you chased out all the demons that tried to get him.

“i love you.” he whispered softly against your skin, pressing a light kiss in his wake as if to solidify the love into your body.

he knew tomorrow you’d let him talk about what haunted him tonight. but for now, he’d let your warm, comforting light lull him back to sleep.

the last thing he heard before his slumber was your sweet words that never failed to make him swoon. that made everything all worth it; fulfilling that tiny, silly dream he had when he was younger. to hold his loved one closely behind the safety of the 4 walls of your shared home.

“i love you too, jean.”

[pinkmirth]

i love the new theme!! any hcs on our fav vamp having a crush/being jealous? <3

why thank you, nonnie! ❤︎ you’re speaking of that darling angel of a man alucard, i presume? i definitely have a thought or two on jealousy when it comes to him >\\<

this man’s jealousy could burn as fiery-hot as the sun’s raging core, but the one thing he’ll never, ever think to do is show it.

alucard simply isn’t one for disclosing his feelings, and he fears that he’ll come off as childish or insecure if he were to openly admit, so he’d just rather to keep it to himself altogether.

see, he thinks you’re unable to tell; that he appears indifferent. oh, is he wrong. you’re able to read that man of yours like a book with its pages opened flat-out. adrian can keep quiet all he likes, but the tick in his jaw, the grit of his teeth, and the deep grunt coming from his throat is palpable.

this is what he finds to be a completely eye-twitching instance: he takes you, his dear lover, to a nearby pub. it’s just to treat you to something different from the castle’s collection of white whine that the pair of you have emptied down to the very last barrel. this should be nice, he’d thought. a new scenery should be refreshing.

he’d been meaning to enjoy your company, is all. that’s why it takes him by the utmost surprise to see a drunken, grubby man smile at you, hooting your way and staring you down with what disgusts alucard to identify as lust. had he not seen him there, seated right beside you? practically glued to your hip, as he always is? it’s obvious enough to tell; the pair of you are an item. what makes it even worse is that your blatant ‘no’s’ and ‘screw off’s’ don’t even begin to discourage his advances in the slightest.

adrian’s this close to bearing his teeth like a shining dagger. it’d be his silent threat of ripping a throat straight out— but that isn’t of his nature. he conceals it, composes himself well enough for any beer-lapping simpletons not to notice the anger pouring out of him in waves. besides, you’re here, after all, and you’d have his head for inciting unnecessary violence anyway.

it’s happened a good two times now; which is more than enough to make alucard grow red in the face (surely not by the alcohol,) and begin death-glaring any man who ever so thinks to pay you the slightest glance. his quiet promise of pain to them is what buys you a few moments of peace.

“do you wish to leave?” adrian asks expectantly, his lips to your ear as he leans into you, trying his best to sound sweet. you can still make out that strain of distress, the traces of it within his low voice. he tries to play it off as a safety concern, though he knows how well you can handle yourself. it’s simply jealousy, bubbling up and catching in his throat. his pronounced adam’s apple bobs as he dryly swallows, as though trying to gulp the feeling down.

“it’s fine, my love.” you brush it off, bringing your drink to your mouth and taking a generous sip. “we can’t allow a few pigs to ruin our night, now can we?” he lets out a lowly ‘as you wish,’ and settles on keeping his arm looped around your waist for the rest of the night. that’s the most he’ll show of any possessive feelings.

though, you notice; how his grip subconsciously tightens around your waist, bringing you as close as he can get you to be. his fingers, long and lithe, twitch with a cool, silent anger, drumming against the width of your hip as he holds you. it isn’t often that he grows this way, no. it’s just moments such as these that truly cause adrian to lose his fucking wits.

you pressing a kiss to his cheek is always more than enough to soothe him. it’s like you can feel the tension dissipate from his very form. “you’re mine, and i am yours.” you reassure, hand resting at his lap. a little nod is all he gives in reply. though you know, it was just the thing he needed.

[hoshinasblade]

pairing: hoshina soshiro x reader // trigger warning: death (now i dont know if i should still make it as an x reader drabble because well, death)

try as he might, hoshina soshiro just couldn't think that meeting you was a mistake.

he was used to almost always getting the shorter end of the stick in life. though admittedly more privileged than the majority, hoshina will be a hypocrite if he says that he is the best at anything he likes doing - from a very young age he had reconciled in his mind the fact that he is forever going to arrive second in things: just the number two, never the one at the top. i will never be like my perfect older brother, he used to tell himself.

when you came to hoshina's life, he was still a rookie vice-captain who was trying to find his footing in leadership. he was not planning on being in a relationship at all - much less dating someone from the same institution - but love is a difficult opponent to win against, he supposes. and so he let himself fall for you - hard and fast and madly.

you asked him one time why he chose you, out of all the women and men who showed interest at him in and out of the defense force. "i guess it's cause i can be who i am when i'm with you. like i don't have to prove anything." because it's true - with you hoshina soshiro is neither the next in command of the third division nor he is the inferior brother - with you he is just hoshina soshiro, the man.

but being a man does not make anyone a savior. not at all.

there were no last words even as he rewinds the scene on his mind from years ago. he did not have the time to administer first aid anymore and probably at his subconscious he knew it would have been worthless anyway, so after a particularly violent kaiju had use its long, sharp claws to tear your suit and stab on your torso, hoshina watched you bleed to death. he barked orders - begged, even - for the medical team to hurry to your location, wishing and praying that time would stand still so that maybe you would have more moments with him before he loses you.

on your last breath you only smiled at him, cradled in his trembling arms.

when kafka said captain ashiro's first name despite the obvious implications, hoshina had an inkling of what is going on - he had a hunch that there is some history behind the two but he dared not ask. it was not his business, he should not care. but whenever he sees the cadet throw the commander a glimpse, hoshina's memories seem to unreel. he used to know how that feels - love.

"you shouldn't get too close to the rest of the other officers", he told kafka when hoshina caught him at 1 am still buried in books, studying. "in this line of work, something could happen to any one of them at anytime," he added before walking away, not bothering to wait for kafka to respond.

anyway apparently i have 500 followers now but i dont know what to do so i just drafted this short one while im waiting for sleep to come hehe, it's nothing much and i got the whole thing from literally two sentences said by this bowl cut man, hope you guys like it

[fangsandfeels]

I think about protective Astarion a lot:

I strongly support the idea that he is Tav's protector as much as Tav is his. He is more closed about discussing his concerns with others - even on happily concluding the romance, he maintains his coy behavior and rebuffs all attempts at prying. But as always, there is a lot going on under the layers.

- I believe he stops seeing Tav as his protector/meatshield even a bit prior to the confession. He has always been more comfortable with “I’ll watch your back if you watch mine” arrangement, but he only fully embraces it after either Tav takes his side in his argument with Araj or helps him murder the orthon and learn more about his scars. Before that, he still subconsciously relies on Tav for safety to the point of rationalizing the necessity to do what he doesn’t want to do just because Tav told him to.

- His best and usual protective side is that he is always there to catch Tav when they fall. To drag them to safety, help them get up, and keep them going. He is there to talk and hear them out when something is weighing down on them. He drops all this flamboyant flirtatiousness he wears when discussing his relationship with others the very instant Tav needs him. He is calm, firm, and attentive because Tav needs him. Being strong for someone else is a very new feeling for him, but it also comes naturally. He doesn't like seeing his partner in pain, but finding himself as someone's source of strength and support is life-changing for him. He likes to realize that he is capable of caring about someone. That part of him is still alive. Like no other, Astarion knows that sometimes you can’t slay all the monsters and terrors that haunt your loved one, but you can be there for them when they fight their own battles. And that’s what he does. His approach is similar to Karlach’s in that regard: if you can’t walk, I’ll carry you, if you need a hand, you have mine, you you need to talk, my ears are all yours.

- After he stops seeing Tav as a protector, he is much more aware of Tav’s vulnerability. Tav isn’t invincible. Tav gets hurt. Tav can be in danger. It becomes particularly glaring when it’s revealed that they all haven’t turned yet because a rogue illithid holds their lives in its webbed hands. A rogue illithid who was lying about a cure all this time. Who never had any intention of removing the tadpole. Who saw ceremorphosis as something good. The Emperor has almost the same hold on Tav and all of them as Cazador on his spawns. It would have puppeteered them into doing its bidding hadn’t it been spending its energy on resisting the brain. This is why Astarion calls Tav a “mindflayer thrall” during their argument. Because this is what they are as long as their safety depends on the Emperor’s good mood. It’s not their fault, really. But Astarion clearly has been thinking about it and worried about it. He probably wished not to be stuck between a rock and a hard place for once, not having to choose between two evils, to be strong enough to get them both out of it. So, he doesn’t exactly lie or try to manipulate Tav when he says he wants to keep them both safe. He wants it. He hates to be helpless, but what he hates even more is to watch Tav trying to keep their spirits up and looking for a way out of their predicament while thing just invades Tav's dreams or invites itself into their skull whenever it wishes. He hates wondering what will happen if the Emperor stops playing nice one day. Oh, if only he could be stronger.

- In general, it seems that he is most riled up and protective of Tav when there is a particular type of threat. Tav can handle themselves in a fight. They take a beating sometimes, but they bounce back (what can’t be said about the other guy) and if they don’t find a fight, the fight finds them. Astarion knows it and he doesn’t really mind. He loves the thrill: his spawn endings made it clear that the man embraces the chaos of making decisions and choosing paths with a smile. Danger is part of the fun. It makes his heart beat.

- He generally does his best to be strong for Tav, just like they stay strong for him. But there are also moments when Tav is in danger, and Astarion sees red. And I imagine it’s not only when Tav ends up at the death’s door. It’s also when something directly challenges Tav’s autonomy. A crazy drow wants to run experiments on Tav? Absolutely not, what the fuck? Even if Tav agrees, Astarion is still uncomfortable with the thought and doesn't hide it. Had Araj tried to force her experimentation on the unwilling Tav or trick them into participating, she would have been turned into a dagger cushion very quickly. Cazador calls Tav cattle (another lover to follow Astarion and lose everything, even their right to their soul and body, because of him)? The mere thought of it, the association, the hint at him being a failure dragging his lover down with him makes Astarion lose his composure and just go for the jugular. The idea of Tav enduring the same abuse or being forcibly changed terrifies him. When Tav does it to themselves, it hurts already. However, if someone does it to Tav without letting Tav have any say, then Astarion would go absolutely feral. If that someone can be stabbed, they will be stabbed. If they can’t be stabbed, Astarion WILL find a way to stab them and eviscerate them. Then, regardless of whether Tav is alright or not, Astarion will experience an emotional breakdown that he will then refuse to discuss with anyone else. He has come a long way, but certain negative emotions are still too much to handle.