#something something every 3 months or so people should be required to reread the source material

[icyrambles]

i typically have two forms of analysis when i talk about certain characters. i call them meta analysis and canon analysis.

meta analysis is when i take into account author, fan, and personal interpretation and intention when writing a character. this can be things like biases on the author's part (intentional or not), fandom headcanons and general opinions that are widespread, and finally my own personal opinions and beliefs on the character or media

canon analysis is when i ignore everything above. it's when i take things that are said exclusively through the text and conveyed to me as a reader. these are analysis formed exclusively (or at least as much as i try) through what is told to me via the text

like take pharma as an example. i personally hate how his character is treated both in canon and in fandom. within canon he's reduced to the crazy doctor who harvested his patients organs and in fandom i've noticed he either gets babied to all hell (typically by shifting the blame of his actions onto tarn) or just demonising him. i dislike this from all angles because pharma for me is a multifaceted character who, while causing a lot of harm, was forced into a situation where he really did not have a choice if he wanted to keep his staff and himself alive.

like yeah, i think pharma should punished in some way for the deaths he caused, but i also think that he should be viewed through the lens of someone who was essentially being blackmailed into killing his patients less himself and his staff (one of whom was a defected decepticon) be serious harmed or just outright killed. and that these actions caused massive damage to his mental wellbeing which caused him to spiral into madness.

or like take ratchet. he's got this thing in fandom where he'll throw wrenches at people and he's a fucking rebel who hates the government. but he doesn't do either of those things ever, in any of the continuities i've read/watched. like he's not even remotely violent unless he's actively being threatened? and even then he's more liable to go for verbal assaults rather than physical ones. where are you people getting these interpretations from?

he's a snarky ass who enjoys arguing with people sure, but ratchet would not fucking destroy the government. he fucking threatens to dismantle megatron on several occasions throughout the comics. there was a tweet from alex milne a while back that basically called ratchet an abusive partner and like, listen, fandom interpretations are always going to be a little off, but i'm sorry mr. milne, but ratchet is not an abuser in any sense of the word. there is nowhere, and i mean nowhere in the comics that proves that he would do that.

idw starscream is also a character who i have complex feelings about when i try to write about him.

because on the one hand i despise the way that idw starscream is treated by the fanbase. he's not a good person, that is the whole point of him. he's a terrible person, who has done terrible things, and i think he should be treated as just as bad as megatron. and i think the fandom constantly babying him because of what megatron did to him is stupid.

he's a genuinely cunning, manipulative, and overall shitty asshole who is more than willing to doublecross and backstab to get what he wants.

but he's also a victim. megatron's treatment of him throughout the war is inexcusable. under no circumstances do i think that starscream deserved to be kept around as a punching bag to keep the other decepticons in line and i also am of the belief that megatron should've gotten more flack for what he did to starscream.

like pharma, starscream is a character who has a lot of different layers. he fucks up and relapses into more toxic behaviour because it's quite literally the only thing he can rely on. he's expected by the people around him to be a backstabber and a liar, so why on earth would he act any differently?

it's not until bumblebee appears that he actually starts to change. and i think it's very important when discussing bee and starscream's relationship that people remember that starscream does not think of bumblebee as a ghost. he views bee as a literal manifestation of his guilt and consciousness. he did genuinely seem to view bumblebee as a good leader and a good person before his death in dark cybertron, so when bee shows up as a ghost and starts encouraging starscream to do better for his people and his planet, starscream listens because he did trust bee.

the point of starscream's character, is that people can only change if they truly want to. bumblebee wants starscream to change for the better but starscream only starts to change when he actually believes he can. and even then he often relapses into more negative behaviours because he's not perfect. the fact that he does this honestly makes him even more believable to me.

if you were treated as nothing more than a liar, coward, and manipulative asshole for 4 million years you'd probably fuck up on the road to recovery too.

it's why megatron's redemption at least works for me within a canon lens. he only starts to change his behaviour when he actually begins to understand that his actions and ideology were wrong. that's why it works. the lost light as a ship is about new beginnings and fresh starts for everyone, so having megatron, literally the most hated guy every join the crew works to further that theme of rebirth.

out of canon analysis though, starscream and megatron in my opinion were done very poorly in terms of writing. they were very clearly meant to be cartoonishly evil characters with no redeemable qualities during phase 1 of the comics. so when phases 2 + 3 roll around and try to develop these characters as more than just evil assholes, it falls flat because you have to sweep all of the terrible shit they've done under the rug.

and it doesn't work well from a narrative perspective to have murder mcgee megatron and his former second in command be the leaders of not only the planet they fucking destroyed and the ship that legally doesn't belong to them. and this is coming from someone who loves idw's portrayals of megatron and starscream. i think they're some of the best versions out there beyond maybe the originals.

i also think that fandom falls into a weird zone when it comes to these characters. i call it fandom flanderization; where fandom will take a certain character trait (like starscream being a liar) and conflate that trait to be their whole character. like is starscream a liar? yeah he absolutely is. but he's also a genuinely caring individual when he actually trusts someone.

it's a shame because i think that idw, despite having relatively weak writing in terms of overall storytelling, actually has some really interesting interpretations of the characters.

[ if you liked my work, please feel free to give it a reblog and leave your thoughts in the tags, reblog box itself, or replies. i adore seeing what other people have to say about my thoughts ]

[captain-of-the-historicfuture]

~hello~ !! For the meta asks!: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and 25 :))

Hello!! Thank you for sending these; I was really excited to see that ask game and I was hoping somebody would send some in. It still took me a while to actually answer them though, and for that I apologise. But without further ado! Some meta answers (under the cut because they ended up being fairly long, whoops):

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (Consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway.)

I thought of a few examples, but they could basically be grouped together under a common theme: whumpy/angsty scenes that were self-indulgent as all heck. The whole self-indulgent aspect often required the characters to be just the teeniest, tiniest bit OOC and/or necessitated rather unrealistic plot circumstances. So it was simply easier to keep such scenes as maladaptive daydreams, rather than trying to think of explanations for the character/plot issues…or exposing myself to judgement for them LOL.

Receiving permission to write/share one such scene anyway is an opportunity I can’t let slip by though. It might be because I’m writing this while running on zero (0) hours of sleep—let’s hear it for insomnia, y’all!—but I suddenly couldn’t remember any of my newer ideas under this category. However, I did recall a one-shot I had started writing a couple of months ago that sort of counts? “Sort of” because I could actually be arsed to write it since I was, ya know, writing it. Only got about six hundred words down though.

…should I share those six hundred words…?

………nahhh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.

But here’s the gist of it: Coulson and May (because of course it’s Philinda) were married for quite some time before the Attack on New York. But then Coulson DiedTM and then got ResurrectedTM. But gasp of horror, he had to lose his memories of his romantic relationship with May because reasons. (I actually did have some ideas for those reasons but sshhhh this is about me yeeting context and setup.)

The first half of S1 still happens as normal (except MayWard doesn’t happen because??? Vows) and it’s now post-E20 “Nothing Personal”. The morning after (or a morning soon after, whatever) the T.A.H.I.T.I. reveal! May’s mom—who doesn’t know about GH.325 and whom May fed a cover story about Coulson divorcing her or something equally as oof, IDK—shows up at the hotel and starts ripping into Coulson for breaking her daughter’s heart, then dragging her back into the field with her ex-husband (him), then accusing her of terrible things and forcing her away again.

Poor guy’s confused as heck, and so is the team, and soon enough so is Lian. The only one who understands what’s going on is May, and she’s freaking dying off to the side like why is this happening to me and eventually everybody’s like! Explain??? (Was thinking about including something from Coulson like, “Are you still keeping things from me?” Just for that extra smidge of angst, yay!)

So yeah then May gives a, like, two-sentence debriefing that elicits more questions than answers. Coulson decides to take May aside and they have a heart-to-heart. Lots of feelings and angst and hurt/comfort and at some point plenty of kissing too. Just! May hiding her feelings for Coulson’s sake but really magnified, plus some actual apologies and consideration of the grief May’s been through on Coulson’s part.

And uhh yeah that’s basically it I dunno hdsjncjshd. I warned y’all it’s OOC, plot-bendy, and very self-indulgent!

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

I don’t think I could name a single character for this. I get different things out of taking on different voices, you know? I guess recently I’ve found myself gravitating towards more taciturn and introspective points of view, like JQ from my original novel Rosewood or M. Yisbon from my…other original novel Temple.

Generally, however, I like tackling stories from an outsider’s perspective. That’s why I so rarely write my more “substantial” (serious? demanding? for lack of better words?) projects from the PoV of my “preferred” character. This usually means writing from their love interest’s perspective, but not always. With shorter fanfic, using a more removed/unconventional/niche PoV can be really fun. Like, I once wrote a canon compliant ficlet purely(-ish) about Philinda from Tony Stark’s perspective. That isn’t always sustainable with stories that demand more character development or closer character studies, however, which is why it’s a good thing I like writing drabbles!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

My word counts tend to run long, but I usually only write one-shots for fanfic. If I’m even inspired with a novella- or novel-length story idea for a fandom, you already know I’m in deep with them. And if I actually find the motivation to plan and execute that idea? Dangg. That’s only ever happened…twice, maybe thrice, and I’m in a lot of fandoms.

At times, I wish I could go for more of a middle ground ’cause, like, you know what I love to see? An AO3 dashboard with several completed novellas for my ship/character of choice. I mean yes, I hecking love >90k fics, but sometimes I’m in the mood for quick reads…and what am I supposed to do when I burn through all the drabbles and 2k one-shots? (Besides despair and/or reread my faves desperately.) Novellas are basically always safe for me LOL, and I’d hope to be able to give as much as I take.

Ultimately though, I think I’m okay with where I am with regards to that. I wish I could write more in general, but I’d be okay with “writing more” just meaning “writing more one-shots”, ya know? More than okay, really. I have mad respect for fic writers who have, like, a hundred or more one-shots under their belt for this one ship. The fandom ecosystem would be incomplete without them (as well as every other type of writer, but sshhh that’s the type of writer I’m closest to being right now).

I’m definitely a plotter, and I definitely prefer it that way. It’s cool having such a detailed record of my process. I like feeling like a frazzled genius on the brink of a major discovery with all of my different outlines and colour coding and many drafts and various websites.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

Not exactly. It might be cool if my original works were recognisable in the world, but I don’t think I’d want to be recognisable. As for fanfic, I’d low-key enjoy gaining a place in that fandom’s community as a fic writer. Like someone who gave and got fic gifts from fic writer friends, who participated in challenges and GCs, who received writing prompts on Tumblr, whose name was known for doing a certain trope/genre a bunch of times… Ya know what I mean?

Unlikely to happen when I’m so hecking hesitant to publicly (i.e., outside of AO3) claim credit for my writing, but fjnskfsjhfjs. A writer can dream, right?

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Of those three, tags are the easiest for me, for I have a reliable system for figuring out those.

Next easiest would probably be titles. For fanfiction, I like to use titles that are a quote from the source material. You should have seen all of my old Hamilton fanfic… I was really proud of some of those titles. And I don’t mean, like, whole lines—usually only two to five words. It’s a unique type of wordplay that I just love dabbling in.

And lastly, summaries. Sometimes inspiration strikes me and a snappy and intriguing synopsis just jumps out—one that I’m quietly pleased with—but most of the time I’ll spend way too long trying to think of such a synopsis and eventually just go with whatever I’d come up with so far. And live with my quiet dissatisfaction for the rest of time.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (Plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations...?) Tell us about them!

Typically, no. If I have deleted scenes, I save and publish them separately, but that’s about it. I sometimes think of AUs for my own work and might talk about them in my author’s notes—might even talk about writing them—but I never really do anything with them.

Although…

It’s not uncommon for me to decide a plotline isn’t working for a certain story or to think of an interesting but undoable arc for a certain character, but what I’ll do is make a whole new story for those ideas. Once I’m done developing the original idea and the branched-off one, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell they grew from the same roots. Does that count?

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as (film, webcomic, animated series, etc.)?

That depends on the story. I’ve actually written stories in other mediums—movie screenplay, musical stageplay, poetry, TV show scripts, play scripts, roleplay—but the novel does tend to be my comfort zone. Sometimes, if I have an idea that I think could work, or would even work better, as another medium, I’ll label it as such in my folder of ideas and decide not to write it as a novel.

Most of the time, my non-book projects are collaborations. I’m working with five different people on six different story ideas: two webcomics, one stage musical, one anime, and two animated TV shows. Little concrete progress has been made in any of those, mind you, but they’re still fun to discuss!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. But I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, so we would hope so, huh?

I wouldn’t say my writing’s changed completely, though maybe that’s just my insider’s perspective.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Oh gosh, I can’t believe you’d make me choose. Writing is just such a wonderful experience for me; I love just about everything to do with it. Admittedly, not all the time, but. Since that barely qualifies as an answer, however, I’ll give you this—

The endings. Not only that intense feeling of rightness when you wrap up that last sentence, but also the moments before. The adrenaline of knowing you’re almost there but you gotta push just a bit more to actually get there. And also the part right after—the real wrap-up, honestly: the revision and the editing. Heavens, I love revising and editing my work.

Which is not to say I don’t like writing it out for the first time, too—there’s nothing quite like seeing your cursor scroll to the next page, like going from a blank expanse to a Oh man, how many more lines are even going to fit on this page?, like watching that page counter tick up another number. However, there’s something cathartic about finally ironing out those problems I had to force myself to stop worrying about earlier because “just finish the first draft dangit”.

I guess that’s not really the end of the writing process, but whatever. Close enough (as fic writers are wont to say).

Another thank-you for these asks, and feel free to come back with more at any time! ;P

Send in fun meta asks for your friendly neighbourhood writer!

[cinnaminsvga]

La Douleur Exquise Pt 1 | Incubus!Yoongi AU

➵ summary: in which you accidentally summon an incubus in the middle of your shitty apartment and he won’t leave until you agree to have sex with him. until then, min yoongi, incubus extraordinaire, is now your sexually promiscuous and grumpy roommate. aka, the incubus au no one fucking asked for. ➵ warnings: demon summonings, lots of swearing, and a grumpy min yoongi (what’s new?) ➵ genre: fluff, angst, humor, eventual smut (none in this chapter!) ➵ words: 6.2K ➵ a/n: the preview got such good responses that I had to finish this right away! hope it stands up to your expectations! enjoy! 

➵ part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea trying to recreate an ancient demon-summoning circle in the middle of your living room. If anyone asked you what had possessed you to do so regardless, you’d point fingers at your history professor for assigning the task in the first place. Although, you might concede that he didn’t technically ask you to assemble the summoning circle; all you were assigned to do was do some research about ancient summoning techniques with five to ten sources maximum. The problem with the assignment lied with the latter part of the requirements: the motherfucking references.

No matter how hard you tried to search for reliable photographs of professionally reenacted summoning circles, none of significant quality had popped up anywhere. You were seriously starting to consider attaching some DeviantArt fanart by the time you had reached page 67 on the Google search page.

In short, you were desperate—and desperation meant that you didn’t really think things through.

Your search was leading you nowhere, so you decided begrudgingly that you were going to have to make this work yourself. You had gathered enough information from some moldy books from the library on how the summoning circle was supposed to look like, so authentic instructions were not a problem. The more pressing problem, however, were the materials needed.

“What the fuck does ‘something precious and indispensible’ mean anyway?” You grumbled to yourself in exasperation. You had been arranging the faux summoning circle for what seemed like hours, chucking large amount of salt across your carpeted living room floor into a barely recognizable circle. You wondered tiredly if you should care that the circle looked fake as fuck, but you decided that you’d just print the pictures in black and white so that your professor would be none the wiser.

Currently, you were still trying to understand what “something precious and indispensible” could possibly be suggesting. Did they mean gold, diamonds, or other precious gems? Or could they mean valuable in the sentimental way? You weren’t really sure, but at that point you honestly couldn’t care. It was a Friday night, and instead of sleeping, you were trying to summon a demon—or at least theoretically. Sadly, you had been procrastinating too much on the assignment, and the essay was already due in two hours—you still had about four pages to go.

You groaned in frustration, looking around your measly apartment for inspiration. Unluckily, you were the definition of a broke college student, so nothing remotely extraordinary in value could be found in your home (unless you counted the two month old cake in the fridge—that was extraordinary but for the wrong reasons). You supposed in terms of sentimentality, you had a few mementos from your childhood that you liked to keep around. You had a photo album filled with childhood photos, an old vase that you had made in craft school with your mom when you were a kid, and some musty books that you had collected over the years. You also had a pair of white sneakers that you had bought with your first paycheck; the shoes were so old and worn that the sole wasn’t even connected to the shoe anymore. You weren’t really sure which one of them could pass as “precious” until you realized that you had an easy solution: you’ll just bullshit your way through this paper (as you do).

In your defense, this summoning circle wasn’t supposed to be authentic anyway; it wasn’t like you were really aiming to summon a demon. You could just explain to your professor that you had recreated the circle yourself for the sake of immersion, and you were sure that with your acting skills, he’d be swooning over your “commitment.” Better yet, you’ll “sacrifice” your shoes in the picture, and you’d explain how you believed the shoes represented how the greatest sacrifice came in the shape of losing things that you worked the hardest for.

You grinned to yourself, mentally patting yourself on the back. You supposed this is what you get for going to Sunday school every week when you were a kid—you were great at making up shit on the go.

“Alright, goodbye Converse shoes, I’ll miss ya.” You muttered jokingly to yourself, placing the worn shoes in the middle of your crude circle. You stood up from the floor, dusting the stray salt crystals from your faded jeans and admiring your work. Despite the obvious sloppy nature of your efforts, you were surprised that it actually looked mildly decent. Not enough to be photographed and put in a history book, but good enough for a C. Maybe even a B.

You were just about to reach over the salt circle and grab your phone to take the photos when your eyes happen to glance down to your still open laptop. You had already written the descriptions of the more common rituals, and you had copied the incantations of the most popular demon-summoning techniques. You had scoffed when you had read the unintelligible gibberish, hardly believing that the ancient people of this earth had thought that these words would somehow summon a demon of the most epic proportions. One of your favorite incantations had to be the one for the incubi/succubi, because the words were so horribly silly that you had to reread them a few times just so you could copy them properly through your laughter.

Instead of getting your phone, you decided to grab your laptop from the coffee table. As you reread your work, you cannot help the snort that escapes you when a stupid idea suddenly popped into your mind. You mused; it wouldn’t hurt, would it?

Trying to say the gibberish? Just for kicks?

Of course it wouldn’t hurt. This was all fun and games, anyway. You needed the break, so you supposed you could spare a few minutes goofing around, pretending you were a witch from ye olden times.

That’s it, you decided. You were going to summon a demon today, and you knew exactly which incantation you were going to use.

“Oh my god, this is literally the stupidest shit ever,” you laughed giddily, already standing up near the edge of your salt circle. You balanced your laptop on one hand, with your other one scrolling haphazardly for the correct chant.

Taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself with as much sincerity as you could gather (which meant you were giggling the entire time, but the details weren’t important right now). You raised your hand as if in blessing, and recited the following words:

“Heu! Opus est aliquo modo de iure

Veneris voluntati parere.

Daemones autem fuere satiare

potuisti mihi cornea inde necessario

vult dimittere multum commendatur.

Et ecce ego do coram vobis daemones

in hoc ipso quovis nomine appellamus,

quod est equivalent motus ad officia

accipere volo a vobis.

“Now, come forth demon!” You finished the ridiculous incantation in English, your mouth tired from trying to enunciate the weird Latin words.

For a second or two, you watched in mild anticipation for something to happen. Somewhere in the deep recesses of your mind, you had actually wondered if what you were doing was legitimate or not.

You stood there for another moment before realizing how stupid you must have looked. What the actual fuck were you thinking? Did you honestly think something, or someone would pop out from the demon dimension? How fucking silly was that—

Wait. Why were your shoes sinking into the floor?

You had to do a double take at first to see if your eyes were deceiving you. Because right in front of your very eyes, your shoes were seemingly disappearing in the middle of your salt circle, right through your carpeted floor.

You tried grabbing onto it, but the force pulling it down was stronger than the speed it was moving at might have suggested. You watched as it sunk lower and lower until only the star logo of your sneakers could be seen, and until it all but disappeared into the nether.

You stood there in silence, not really processing the information that was being fed into your retinas.

Well. You definitely had not expected that to happen.

As it just so happened, the higher beings of this damned universe didn’t allow you to have more time to process what the fuck was going on, because right after your shoes vanished, the salt circle began to smoke and glow. The smoke alarms installed in your apartment started ringing obsessively, as if you weren’t already aware that your whole damn living room was starting to look like the 7th ring of hell.

You knew that you were supposed to do something, like, maybe grab the fire extinguisher located conveniently near the doorway. You really really should be doing something, and it was only now that you realized that your driving instructor was right all those years ago: you really did have the reaction speed of a 70-year old grandmother.

The smoke was gradually rising higher and higher, and while you had expected to choke on the thick fumes, the smoke actually smelled... pleasant? Like your favorite scents: the saltwater of the beaches near your childhood home, freshly laundered clothes, the cologne of your ex—

Woah there, partner. There’s now a goddamn pale arm extending out of the middle of your carpeted floor. You should probably be panicking right now.

Just like how delayed your reaction speed was, your panic speed was just as slow. In no time at all, the pale arm was joined with another equally pasty white arm, with both of them grasping the floor to help pull up what you assumed was the owner’s body.

Just as you finished that thought, aforementioned owner’s head was the next thing to pop up from the gaping hole that was now your living room floor.

And it was a dude. A pretty good-looking dude, but you digress.

Oh look, the head was talking now.

“Ow, what the fuck? Why is the summoning circle so small? I can barely fit through,” the head growled, shaking the remaining salt crystals off his messy mop of black hair. He stood there for a moment longer when his hooded eyes finally met yours. You were locked in silent conversation for a while, a feeling of unconcealed tension rising in the atmosphere. You felt the way he was sizing you up, and you could not help but notice the way his eyes trailed your body with some interest. Yikes, awkward?

So now, you had a strange, pale man checking you out whilst he had half his body stuck in the middle of your apartment floor, seemingly having risen from the very depths of hell you had summoned him from, all whilst your smoke alarm was still blaring noisily around you.

Thankfully, the smoke had since cleared when you finally managed to snap yourself out of your stupor long enough to run over to the smoke detector’s power switch, turning it off as quickly as possible.

The silence that ensued after the alarm was turned off, coupled with the palpable tension, sent shivers of discomfort through your body. Turning slowly around to face your unwelcome intruder, you instantly made eye contact with him.

Most heroines from the dramas you frequently watched might have screamed, run away, or even shot the stranger in the head with a gun they were conveniently holding onto. But you, on the other hand—

“OW! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? WHY ARE YOU HITTING MY HEAD WITH A FUCKING BROOM?” The strange man in the middle of your floor yelled indignantly, and in the back of your mind, you couldn’t really blame the dude. You supposed that it wasn’t fun being stuck in a small hole in a middle of shitty apartment, whilst being hit with a broom. It didn’t stop you from continuing, though.

“WOMAN! WILL YOU STOP WITH THE BROOM ALREADY? HELP ME OUT!” He screamed, but you hit him one last time for good measure. It seemed like he wasn’t going back where he came from, so the best way to get rid of him was to probably pull him out and then kick him out.

“No offence or anything, but who the fuck are you and why is your head popping out of the middle of my floor?” You asked.

He gave you a look of mild displeasure, with his nose upturned in that snooty way that read ‘are you fucking stupid or something?’

“Are you fucking stupid or something?” He verbalized, after realizing that the confused look on your face was genuine and not some act of faux ignorance.

He groaned, rubbing his forehead in annoyance. “Oh great. Another one of those fucking skeptics. You know, if you really wanted to prove that ancient demons didn’t exist, shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, not summoning demons? Because honestly, I’m sick and tired of being called out of my home and having some weird skeptic prod at me and call me fake when I could easily be sleeping with someone right now—“

“Hold up,” you raised your hand to ask him to stop, and you were half-surprised to find that he actually did as you asked. He raised his brow in question, prompting you to most probably explain yourself.

“So, what you’re saying is...”

“That I’m a demon? Pretty much,” he concluded, picking at his cuticles disinterestedly. Looking at him closely, you had to admit that the whole rising from the gaping hole in your apartment was surely proof enough. If that wasn’t a dead giveaway, the purple horns protruding from his head was probably another good indicator that he wasn’t kidding.

Either that, or he was just some weird, over enthused cosplayer.

“Alright.” You said.

“That fucking figures that you wouldn’t believe me. All of you are the same! What is up with you stupid humans and your tiny brains unable to connect the dots despite having numerous evidence—wait.” He paused in his monologue, belatedly realizing what you had actually said. “You said ok? That’s it? You’re actually believing me just like that?” He spluttered, looking up from his nails long enough to shoot you a disbelieving look. You only shrugged callously.

“Well, I was recreating a demon summoning ritual, so your story lines up well. Even if you weren’t an actual demon, aren’t there those people who believe that they’re actual werewolves or Goku or something? Like that dude on Youtube who thought he could go Super Saiyan?”

“What the actual fuck? Are you actual comparing me to a fucking weeaboo?”

You shrugged yet again. “Well, you do kinda look like Sasuke...”

He pointed a finger at you threateningly. “Take that back. If anything, I’d be Naruto.”

You snorted. “Weeaboo,” you muttered under your breath. Wait. Why were you having a conversation with a demon in your apartment as if he were a greasy college kid who watched too much hentai?

You voiced your question out loud, and the demon did not seem pleased by your analogy.

“We are having this conversation because you fucking summoned me here. Now let me do my job and I can go on my merry way, thank you very much. But first,” he added, pointing exasperatedly at his still half-submerged body, “will you help me out of here first?”

You ignored his request. “Wait, you have a job to do?” You inquired.

At your question, the grin on his face reminiscent of the Cheshire cat probably should have warned you of the hell that was to come, but by then, everything was already too late. You were fucking screwed.

“Oh silly human, don’t you know? You summoned your very own sex demon, and I’m here to please you as you wish.”

In hindsight, you wondered how the demon had expected you to react: cry and scream from terror, call the nearest exorcist in fear, maybe cream your pants from a sudden influx of sexual arousal?

If anything, he probably didn’t expect you to laugh at him, much less make fun of him.

“Oh my—what—the—fuck??” You gasped out in laughter, doubling over from the sheer strength of your amusement. The smoldering look on the demon’s face instantly dissipated and was replaced with pure confusion, his eyebrow raised in bafflement.

“What? What’s so funny?” He demanded angrily, pouting at your giggling.

“You—you expect me? To have s-sex with you? A literal fucking demon from hell?” You managed to say through your mirthful tears, after which you run over quickly to your kitchen to grab a glass of water to help you stop choking on your spit.

From the kitchen, you heard the demon let out a chuckle. “Oh, I get it now. Is your laughter a defense mechanism? Understandable. You’re not the first one to be at a loss of words after meeting such a delectable creature such as I.”

Oh my shit. Was this demon even fucking hearing himself speak right now?

Before returning to the living room where the demon was still stuck in the floor, you refilled your glass to the brim. Without any shred of remorse whatsoever, you walked over to the demon and promptly—

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? DIDN’T YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU THAT ASSAULT IS AGAINST THE LAW?” The now drenched demon spat at you, his teeth snapping at you like a dog.

He looked so pathetic at that moment, with his body stuck save for his arms and head, whilst dripping with water, that the giggles came back in full force.

“Oh my fucking GOD you are just ridiculous, you know that?” You chuckled, placing the glass on the coffee table and plopping your ass on the floor. You made sure to stay clear from the demon, lest he try to grab you and do something you wouldn’t like (i.e., touch you with his creepy long fingers).

You watched amusedly as the demon gave you an exasperated stare, the effect only heightened by his ‘angry-drenched-kitten’ face he was currently pointing at you. After a few more minutes of the demon angrily breathing at you, you said, “You know, you aren’t that handsome.” The grin on your face widened exponentially as his eyes squinted in anger.

“What?”

“You said my laughter was a defense mechanism because I couldn’t, what did you say? Handle your handsomeness?” You snorted.

He raised his brow. “And you’re saying it isn’t?”

“Yup. In fact, I wouldn’t have sex with you at all, even if we were the last two sentient beings in the world and we were tasked with the heavy responsibility to procreate to replenish the earth’s population.” Wait, was demon on human procreation even possible? Stash that under ‘musings you shouldn’t waste time thinking about’ for later.

The shock on his face was probably more arousing to you than the thought of having any type of intercourse with him. “What the fuck? Why the fuck not?” He stammered articulately.

You held up two fingers. “Two words: demon STDs.”

“For your information, I do not have any STDs! We incubi pride ourselves in safe and clean sex—HEY PUT THAT GLASS DOWN THIS INSTANT!” He growled, the fire in his eyes indicating that he was probably murdering you in his mind.

The sarcastic smirk on your face probably only worsened the demon’s mood by a fuck ton. “Honey, I’m just going to put the glass back in the kitchen. Don’t you worry your tiny little demon butt.”

“Excuse you! I will have you know that my ass is above average, thank you very much! You would know, if you would—I don’t know—help me out of this FUCKING HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR LIVING ROOM?” He screeched.

Oh right. You kept forgetting he was stuck there and not actually having the time of his life.

“Maybe that’s the reason why you’re stuck; your ass is too big that you can’t get out.” You snickered, but you eventually acquiesced to his request. You don’t do this out of the goodness of your heart, however. The poor sap looked like he was going to bust a lung out of anger, and you didn’t really feel like cleaning up blood on your carpet again.

(For reference, the blood was from a science project you had to do before. You have not killed a man on your carpeted floor. Yet.)

Using all the strength you could muster, you pulled on his freakishly pale arms. He seemed to be stuck real good, because the screams of bloody murder he was currently directing at you seemed to indicate that he was very much in pain.

Well, like they say: no pain, no gain.

After several tries and a stick of butter later, the demon was eventually released from his hole. Thankfully, the portal closed the moment his other leg got out, so all that was left was a semi-naked (thankfully, the upper portion of his body) and buttery incubus on your floor. He was lying down on the floor in a fetal position, small puffs of air escaping his lips in exhaustion. You nudged him lightly with your foot, checking to see if he was ok. Then he just—

Welp, now you were on the floor.

For someone who looked like he hasn’t touched any type of exercising equipment in his entire life, he was pretty fast at bringing you down with him.

“Ow! That’s rude,” you said lamely. Your arms were held above your head by the demon, with his legs trapping your own in a strong straddle. To any passing stranger, one might assume you were going to do the nasty.

If only your screams of terror were screams of pleasure, then those bystanders would be correct.

“STOP TICKLING ME! I’M SORRY FOR HITTING YOU WITH A—HAHAHA—BROOM AND FOR DUMPING A—HAHAHA—GLASS OF WATER ON YOUR HEAD! PLEASE STOP!” You pleaded, but the evil smirk on his face said that he still wanted one more apology.

Rolling your eyes through the tears, you finally said, “...and I’m sorry for calling you ugly.”

He released your arms and legs in an instant. “Thank you. Now, was that really so hard to say?”

Rubbing your wrists petulantly, you shoot him a glare. “You poop. Now I’ve got butter on my arms.”

“And whose fault was it for making the summoning circle too small in the first place? Speaking of,” he paused, his eyes lighting up in remembrance. You stared at him confusedly, as his face morphed in irritation at his sudden epiphany.

“I just realized. Did you fucking sacrifice a pair of ratty ass Converse as your offering to summon me? What type of shitty summoner are you?”

Oh right, you did. The summoning seemed like it happened ages ago. “Well, I’m sorry! The fucking sources said I need to offer something precious, and those shoes are really precious to me!”

“How the fuck are a pair of broken shoes precious? In what sadistic dimension?”

“I’m a college student! I only have like, three pairs of shoes. Now I’m down to two.” You said hotly, crossing your arms defensively. “Speaking of summoning, I don’t even know your name. I’m Y/N, by the way. I would say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but it really hasn’t been.”

He snorted. “Honestly, same. And what type of rude motherfuckers doesn’t introduce themselves when they first meet? Oh right, the type of rude motherfuckers who bash their guests on the head with their FUCKING BROOMS!”

You raised your hands defensively. “HEY! I was caught off guard!”

“Didn’t stop you from being a brat though,” he scoffed. “And my name is Yoongi, by the way. Don’t forget it, because you’re going to be screaming it real soon.”

If it was possible to feel your ovaries shrivel up, then that was exactly what happened when he finished saying that.

“Yoongi, or whatever the fuck your name is, I already told you. I’m not going to have sex with you.”

If Yoongi had fur, you were sure they would all be bristling right now. “Excuse me? Why not? I already told you, I don’t have any ‘demon STDs,’ as you put it. And besides, once you summon me, I’m contractually obliged to sexually please you until you are satisfied and then I can be on my merry way,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly. “Look, I’m not entirely enthusiastic to do this myself, but given the fact that I would pretty much get killed by my boss if I don’t fulfill my duty, well... we don’t have much of a choice now do we?”

“What the fuck? So are we like bond by this weird demonic covenant that I had no idea I signed up for?”

Yoongi, once again, looked at you like you were an idiot. “Are you an idiot?” he groaned, reaching past you to grab your laptop. The document with your research was still open, so he immediately started scrolling through it to look at your sources.

He really couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “What the fuck is this bullshit? A tentacle demon? What is this, a hentai dissertation? What fucking sources did you use?” He sneered, reaching the references page. His eyes bugged out of their sockets. “Are you fucking serious? You used an ‘Idiot’s Guide to Demonic Summonings?’”

“Hey! The other demon summoning books were already checked out of the library. I didn’t have much of a choice,” you defended, offended by his condescending glare. What did the demon know about college survival, anyway? As long as it wasn’t Wikipedia, then it was good enough for the professor (probably).

“Well, that’s probably why you didn’t know about the contract. Basically, the moment you sacrificed your shitty shoes—“ You glowered at him for that comment, which he pointedly ignored. “—you pretty much asked for sex in return. My job can only be considered completed once your sexual urges are sated by me. If I can’t fulfill your wishes—which I can, by the way—I’m pretty much stuck here until I do.”

Sounded simple enough. There was one, teensy problem though.

“Uh. Dude? Yoongi? There’s like one problem though. I’m like, hella asexual. I don’t really do the whole sex thing, you feel?” You tried explaining to the demon, but judging from his cute head tilt, he probably didn’t know what that meant.

“You know what a homosexual is right?” He nodded.

“You know how it’s when a person of the same sex are attracted to each other, right?” He nodded again.

“So when I said that I’m asexual, it’s when a person... doesn’t have sexual feelings. Towards anyone. Understand?” He didn’t nod this time.

He scrunched his forehead in thought, most probably trying to wrap his tiny sex demon brain around the foreign concept. “Hold up, so what you’re saying is... you don’t like sex? Like, at all?” He asked, baffled. This time, it was you who nodded.

“Yup. Pretty much.”

A sudden realization hits the both of you after that: If you didn’t have any sexual urges, how the fuck is he going to leave? It’s not like he can just bang and scram—you have to want it and be pleasured and all that crap.

So now... He’s stuck.

“Oh give me a fucking break.” You both groaned simultaneously.

Well, you could always use a helping hand around the house. Even though that roommate was a sexually promiscuous, kind of good-looking (shh who said that?), grumpy incubus roommate. But you digress.

Fuck.

––♡♡♡––

Somewhere in the clouds above, an ethereal being by the name of Kim Seokjin had just slammed his head on his desk. A short notification from his celestial phone just informed him that his charge had just summoned a demon in her home and was now essentially locked in a covenant with said demon.

Kim Seokjin had a lot of experience working as a guardian angel, but he doubted that he could ever remember someone being this stupid.

“What did I do to deserve this,” he muttered to himself pitifully, already arranging a portal in his office straight to hell. More specifically, to Incubus Inc.

What? Did you think incubi just roamed around hell waiting to be summoned? Nah son, incubi summoning was a capitalistic junction in hell. Very lucrative, if Seokjin had to admit anything about the damned place.

Incubus Inc., located in the second circle of hell, was pretty much a boring, stuffy, office building. On the 666th floor was the big boss, Kim Namjoon himself.

What, did you think Satan ran this place? He hardly knew anything about business economics, much less how to run a whorehouse. Fat chance.

“Ah, Seokjin. So nice to see you. Are you finally going to avail that coupon I sent you?” Namjoon drawled, not even flinching when Seokjin suddenly materialized in the middle of his lavish office. Seokjin scoffed, sitting himself on one of the plush couches. His perky ass sunk comfortably into the material.

“No, I am not,” he groused. “I’m here to demand a refund, in the name of my charge Y/N L/N.”

“Oh, Y/N L/N? Didn’t she just seal her contract an hour ago? What, is Yoongi not up to standard or something?” Namjoon asked, flipping through his clientele files. “He has the most impeccable record; I doubt that he would be anything less than stellar.”

“Joonie.” Seokjin gave him the look.

“Uh oh. You’re giving me the look. Why do I get the feeling this isn’t some strange overdue familial visit?” Namjoon sighed, closing the book. “Ok. What’s the problem?”

“The problem, Namjoon, is that Y/N is innocent. Pure. And also under my watch,” he informed him, his jaw set in determination. “If anything bad happens to her, if she gets cursed for life...”

“Seokjin, we aren’t a cursing service. We would never hurt our clients, unless they request for it,” he grinned cheekily. Seokjin rolled his eyes at the innuendo.

Namjoon continued, “If it makes you feel any better, we do have a safety net in the contract. If our incubi cannot fulfill their mission within 90 days, he has to go under trial for investigation.”

“Investigation?” Seokjin questioned.

“Yeah. Nothing bad. It’s rarely the client’s fault. If anything, Yoongi is put under much more pressure than your silly little human is. He can’t force anything on her, by the way. We are proud citizens of the second circle of hell. Such savagery belongs to the seventh circle,” Namjoon said as a matter-of-fact.

Even so, Seokjin remained unconvinced. “As much as I would like to believe your words, you’re still a demon.”

“And your brother to boot,” Namjoon hummed.

“Even worse,” Seokjin deadpanned. “I guess I’m going to have to do some field work after all. See you around, Joonie.”

Good thing your apartment complex had a new vacancy open.

––♡♡♡––

“Yoongi, can you please put some clothes on? I have to finish this essay which is due in 30 minutes.”

He winked saucily at your hunched form. “Oh? Am I distracting you?”

“You’re as distracting as having my grandma naked. Now get off the dining table; your ass cheeks are going to leave a mark on the wood.”

Yoongi had only been in your apartment for approximately an hour, and he was already getting on your nerves. You still had that essay about demon summoning due tonight, and you cannot write in peace knowing that Yoongi was pretty much pressing his dick onto every available surface of your apartment.

In short, Yoongi had been trying very hard to seduce you in every way he could, but you were simply just not having it.

Even in bed, Yoongi was not necessarily known for his patience. He liked to get down to it, and if his partner was also willing, he also preferred to go hard and fast.

You were essentially everything he hated: a slow burn and a prude.

“Hey, I am not a prude,” you objected, since Yoongi had actually voiced his thoughts out loud. Yoongi snorted at your response, the heat from his rage and suppressed libido making him itch all over.

“Well then, don’t fucking act like one. Fuck, I am really getting pissed off right now. I think I’m going to let go of some steam, or else I might end up really fucking your table out of anger.” He snickered at your affronted look, amused by your blatant disgust at his words.

“Let go of some steam? Does that mean you’re going to leave me to look for someone to fuck?” You queried.

“Yup,” he said, popping the ‘p.’ “Pretty much. I heard a couple of girls outside the hallway, I think I’ll start with them.”

“Oh, so does that mean the contract doesn’t bind you to just me?”

“Oh sweet little Y/N, haven’t you ever heard of threesomes? Orgies? Damn, I love those,” he sighed dreamily.

You pinched him on the arm, causing him to yelp and rub the sore spot tenderly. “Of course I know what those are, idiot. I just thought you weren’t allowed to have sex unless I was included.” You clarified, puffing your cheeks in annoyance.

He smirked cheekily at you. “Oh, you’re welcome to join, honey. If you need me, I’ll be next door. And FYI,” he added, already about to turn the door handle. The grin on his face was downright sinful, and not in the good way. More like the ‘I enjoy making your life a living hell’ kind of way. “I like my partners loud, so I hope you have headphones.”

At his words, panic surged within you because despite having headphones, you knew that the walls were paper-thin. No amount of music was going to block the sounds of high pitched moans and a rocking bed, so you needed to stop him if you wanted to submit your essay on time.

So what do you do?

Yoongi had only just inched the door open slightly when your hand quickly beat him to it, slamming it shut immediately. You turned the lock quickly, using your arms to cage the taller man to the door.

Immediately, Yoongi’s Cheshire grin resurfaced, visibly excited (in more ways that one) at this sudden turn of events. “Oh, are you finally reciprocating? Are we going to fuck or what?”

You hit him with your own sinful smirk. “Not a chance,” you said, your voice trailing off into a whisper. Just as his eyes fall to stare at you lips, you kissed him.

Nu-uh. No, not as in lip-to-lip kiss. You placed a little bunny kiss on his cheek. Then, you replaced it with a butterfly kiss. Then, penguin kisses. ‘EVERY FUCKING ANIMAL OUT THERE’ KISSES.

You didn’t even stop at his cheeks. You sent him a barrage of tiny nuzzles and chaste kisses all over his face: his cheeks, his little nose, his forehead, even his eyelids.

At first, Yoongi was very much unamused, maybe a little confused. “What the fuck are you doing?” He said, sounding annoyed, but he wasn’t stopping you. You weren’t even holding him back anymore. He could easily overtake you.

You paused long enough to grin sleepily at him. “Distracting you,” you said simply, and you continued on as if he hadn’t said a word.

After ten more kisses, as though brought back to his senses, Yoongi finally tried getting away from you (weakly, you noted), but because of the tiny scuffle that ensued, you ended up pining him to the couch instead.

“Oh, I get it. Are we going to fuck on the couch? Is that it? Is this some weird type of foreplay?” He asked, but your giggles short-circuit his brain and he thinks for a second that his heart stopped. Wait a minute, you’re not supposed to be cute to him! This is just a crazy one-time thing!

“Noooo. I’m just kissing you until your grouchies go away.”

With your confession, Yoongi started blushing bright red. “What the fuck? I don’t need your silly fucking kisses. And you aren’t even properly kissing—“ The sweet kiss you leave on his nose shuts him up instantly.

Throughout the kissing session, he was just starting wide-eyed at you, telling you to stop molesting him (which you weren’t, because you weren’t even touching him. You’re just lying on his chest, and he hadn’t pushed you off yet.), but he couldn’t stop the blush from spreading on his face.

After what seemed like a lifetime to Yoongi (it was probably only two minutes), you finally stopped. To your amusement, he even started pouting.

“Are you done?” He tried to sound irritated, but you both knew he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it way too much, in fact.

“That depends. Are you still angry?”

A pause. “...No.” He conceded. You grinned happily at the demon, patting him lightly on the head before getting off him and skipping merrily back to your laptop.

Now with your blissed-out demon completely sated and pacified, you returned to your homework in peace. Instead of distracting you like he had been doing, Yoongi chose to sit beside you and watch you silently, a thoughtful look on his face.

The game had changed, but neither of you even noticed.

[redorblue]

Book 22/2017 - Ride the Storm by Karen Chance

I’m like a month late to the party, but anyway, here goes. I read it twice because I didn’t have time to write about it after the first time (that’s a shame because God have I waited for this book) and I’m glad that I did because I missed so much on the first time through! Like how Artemis is still kinda around and might be back (and Roger, too, I guess, since his soul is still there and that’s enough for a clairvoyant/necromancer like Cassie), and how it was Arthur who really killed Apollo and Ares? I should have known, I always get distracted by the action scenes with these books (although thinking about it, not noticing Arthur’s deicide was probably due to another kind of action^^), so I normally need a reread to catch the finer details. RtS doesn’t feel enough like a standalone book to talk about it in my usual fashion, so I’ll comment on some things I found noticeable instead.

1. Chapter 3, Rosier giving Cassie a pep talk I think the point Rosier is making, basically fake it ‘til you make it, is something Cassie really needed to hear, and something she should remember more often. It’s in every book of the series so far, but in this one it really struck me how negatively Cassie thinks of herself, always telling herself and others how much of a screwup she is, how she never gets anything done and is never able to save anyone. I get where it’s coming from, unfinished business just keeps on piling up in front of her and every time she jumps back to save Pritkin, she’s quite sure it’s her last try - talk about pressure. What she doesn’t notice, and what’s so great about Rosier’s little speech, is that everyone is making do with what they’ve got. We don’t know much about how the bad guys operate, but even the most respected and powerful leaders of the (supposedly) good side like the Consul and Jonas improvise more often than not. They lose people, they are taken by surprise, and they’ve made their fair share of mistakes. Compared to them, Cassie’s track record looks pretty good, and even more so considering her lack of experience, knowledge about the supernatural world, and also authority (although that is finally getting better). So I think it would be good for Cassie if someone else continued in the same vein as Rosier, because in all likelihood she won’t see how well she’s doing herself.

2. Chapter 7, Rhea being heroic This is one of those instances where Rhea acts more like a classical hero, but what I think is really important about her character is that these moments when Rhea turns into a fighter are not (only) what make her admirable for her bravery in Cassie’s eyes, and a great female character from a reader’s perspective. She does have scenes that show her martial side, and those are great, but she’s more of a caretaker than a warrior and thereby fulfills a traditionally female role. She represents a type of womanhood that doesn’t require its role models to know 100 different ways of killing a person but none of making an omelette, be loud and outspoken all the time, only have male friends etc. = features that are generally associated with maleness and inherently superior and more admirable than “girly” ones like knowing how to prepare healthy meals or comfort crying children. This type of womanhood doesn’t force women to become practically male in order to deserve respect, thereby abandoning all her other instincts that make her appear weak because they’re associated with femaleness. It doesn’t assign a gender to certain characteristics, and it doesn’t rank them. Rhea (and also Tami) is a good example for that because while displaying some martial qualities, she is mainly celebrated because of her personal strength and her ability to hold the Pythian Court together. In a universe that has many male characters, and even more from both genders who are respected mainly because they are good fighters, it’s nice to see a diffferent type of a strong female character.

3. Chapter 13, Cassie calling her vamp bodyguards family I knew Cassie cared about her bodyguards, but I think this is the first time she openly calls them family (and does it again later, then including her court and Tami and the Misfits). I don’t think this principle of hers that she can’t care about anyone never truly worked out for her, but in the first few books she kept insisting that it did at some point, and wondering why it didn’t anymore. It’s great to see that she finally abandoned this mantra, and for so many people at that, and it shows how good a leader she is: she feels responsible (even too much sometimes), she gives and inspires unconditional loyalty, and she doesn’t care about people’s backgrounds or species as long as they stay with her. She even offers a war mage a place, although she really didn’t have good experiences with them, because she thinks it’s worth a shot for the protection of her family and because she judges people by their actions instead of their previous allegiances, and only after they joined her group. So it warms my heart to see her calling her bodyguards family, and I hope she gets to spend more time with them and her court now that she doesn’t have to spend all her time in medieval Wales anymore.

4. Chapter 14, Cassie and Caleb arguing This is where she talks about a gulf between her and everybody around her, so the exact opposite of the family thing... yay. I can see Cassie’s point here - she really doesn’t have much help to deal with all the crap that’s flung at her, so I get that she feels like she has to do everything on her own because no one’s going to want to help her anyway, at least not without terms and conditions. But it has me worried for her that she barely seems to notice how she is running herself ragged, and that her death would be about the worst thing that could happen regarding the war. She doesn’t see how important she is, and naturally she doesn’t act accordingly. Of course she couldn’t have just quit the mission to save Pritkin, and finding out about the gods’ weapons was important, but her dying because she is too exhausted doesn’t help anyone either. The bad thing is, I don’t see a solution to this problem, so I’ll just fantasize for a moment and imagine that the next Cassie book starts with her spending two weeks in a remote mountain spa without reception, supernatural or otherwise, so that she can recharge again. She’s definitely earned it, so... pretty please?

5. Chapter 22, Cassie and Pritkin trying to define what they are to each other I miss their banter so much, especially since this book in my opinion was the darkest one so far and mainly consisted of running, fighting and suffering. And I like it that deep down they both think their relationship is of the “It’s complicated” kind (even though baby!Pritkin doesn’t know the half of how complicated it is), but that it’s Cassie who says it first. This book shows Cassie coming to terms with her feelings for Pritkin, and light as this conversation may be, it’s definitely progress from her being deliberately obtuse when it comes to her and Pritkin.

6. Chapter 31, Cassie and Mircea “talking”, part 1 Because that’s the thing: They don’t talk. And it’s not just that he never tells her anything, it’s the same the other way around. It doesn’t show as much because normally, when Mircea asks Cassie a question, there’s a few pages of interior monologue on why she can’t answer his question so that you forget that there was a question in the first place. At least I do. So they both have no idea what the other has been up to for the last few books (no idea how much that was in real time, I’m confused) and the only time they get in touch with each other is when one of them wants something, ideally right now and no questions asked, thank you very much. I certainly don’t think Mircea is without sin, his behaviour especially concerning Cassie is not great (which is why I really want them to break up because this relationship seems to bring out the worst in him) - but I don’t think he’s the only one to blame that it didn’t work out. Communication goes both ways, and with each other, they both suck at it. I had high hopes for this book, I thought they were finally going to break up for good and say out loud that it just didn’t work out, but well... next one, hopefully.

7. Chapter 32, Cassie and Jules talking I liked this chapter because 1. I like Jules, especially this new confident version of him, and 2. because this conversation between Jules and Cassie offers a rare perspective (in the Cassie books) on Mircea by someone who isn’t Cassie, and therefore not tangled up in their mess of a relationship.Not that Jules is entirely objective either, but since he’s human now and not bound to Mircea and the family any more, I think he’s a trustworthy source on how people who are not Cassie view Mircea. According to him, others think of Mircea as quite trustworthy (for a vampire) and also very capable when it comes to strategies for the war. And Jules himself says that Mircea would be sorry and apologize to the baby vamp he accidentally shut up permanently if he realized what had happened.  These snippets show other sides of him - reliability, a sense of honour, experience, a conscience, a disregard for hierarchy etc. - that for me as a self-declared Mircea fan are very refreshing to read.

8. Chapter 49, Cassie and Pritkin talking about “the rival” This is exactly what I want, right here. They are talking. No obvious change of topic, no one disappearing, but a real conversation about real feelings with a real result, uncomfortable as it might be. Thinking about it, (with Cassie) Pritkin is actually much less cagey about personal stuff than Cassie is, although for him she’s finally trying hard to explain herself and be honest. The younger version of him is pretty straightforward anyway, which makes sense because that seems to be one of his basic characteristics and at that stage he didn’t have that much to hide yet. But once the modern him starts trusting Cassie, he’s very honest with her, too - she can ask him pretty much anything and he’ll answer, no matter how painful it might be for him to talk about his past. He even got very close to telling her he loved her, which is huge considering the whole Ruth story. Cassie, in comparison, still has strong flight instincts until pretty much the end of the book - not because of shame, I think, but rather because of habit and a lack of self-worth? I’ll have to think about this. But anyway, that’s why I liked this mini-scene, and that’s why I was so so happy to read that Cassie was the first one to say the three words in the end. First, because it’s a huge step forward for her, and second because I think Pritkin needed that to deal with his own lack of self-worth. And to relax enough to have sex that was hot enough to kill gods. Destroying the god of war with love... How very poetic.

[hellomyfreindhello-blog]

10 Powerful ways to 10X Your blog Traffic

Most effective ways to immediately increasing website traffic through a blog and writing.

Originally published on the Fiund Marketing Blog.

A couple weeks ago I was extremely frustrated by something I am sure most people (you included) have experienced.

I was reading an article on a (major) entrepreneurial news publication.

The article was titled something like “10 Ways to Get More Traffic to Your Blog”. I began reading, expecting some actionable things I could do IMMEDIATELY to get more traffic, but instead, the article was full of filler stories and vague ideas like “write about stuff people are interested in…”.

Duh.

There’s nothing worse than vague ideas so in contrast to that I wanted to give you 10 actionable things you can do right now to build your blog and website traffic.

1. Guest Blog on Popular Sites

Bloggers are always looking for interesting new people to cover and interview. Participating in guest blogging gives you an opportunity to reach someone else’s fan base and tell them why they should follow you. Sites like: ProBlogger or CopyBlogger are great resources for finding similar blogs to contact in your niche.

2. Write on Different Platforms

Sure your website or blog is awesome and is probably your main focus, but if you overlook the potential that other platforms have on driving traffic, you are missing out. Personally, whenever I write an article I publish it on: Medium, Quora, LinkedIn, HubPages and Tumblr. This is to maximize exposure and become a higher ranking Google result for long-tail keywords.

Each time you publish an article on those platforms, to keep the SEO value I would FIRST publish it on your own blog. I would then SECOND include a link that says “Originally published by (Blog Name)”. THIRD, I would change the title for every republished blog post.

3. Contact Facebook Groups to Promote Your Article

In the past, I have seen enormous success come from posting my content to RELEVANT Facebook pages. You have two strategies when using Facebook pages:

The first is to post your article directly on a page yourself.

The second is to contact the admin of the page and ask for them to feature you.

While the second is a little bit trickier, it pays off big time. Having the admin of the page post your article, it looks like the page endorses you as an author and typically results in 50% — 60% more clicks.

Example: Recently I wrote an article about crowdfunding. To promote it, I went and “liked” fifteen crowdfunding pages and joined ten crowdfunding groups. I posted my article in all groups and on all pages. Unfortunately, the majority of groups are set up to require the admin’s approval for posting, so my posts didn’t show up right away. To get around this, I messaged the admin of each page something like:

“Hey I have been following your Facebook and I love your page. I recently wrote an article on (any specific topic) that I wanted to share with you. I would love it if you would post in on the Facebook page. I think it could help out some of the people in our community. I’ll attach a link, let me know if you need anything else! Thanks!”.

I receive positive replies to around 4 out of 10 messages and get great results depending on the size of the group or page.

4. Write For Publications on Medium.com

One of the best ways to get traffic and to tap into an audience that had already been created is to write for publications. On Medium.com, there are a ton of options to choose from, and working with them helps spread your posts and info to new people. You send them your best work and they send it to a huge audience that is interested and ready to hear from you.

Most publications have a contact email on their main Medium page, otherwise look for a website and contact them through that.

5. Join HARO and Answer Source Requests

HARO stands for “Help a Reporter Out”. It’s a community that has been around for a few years that allows reporters to ask questions and experts to respond. The answers are used in major publications (Inc, Huffpost, Forbes, etc.), and when partnered with a link to your website/blog, the answer can drive a ton of traffic to your website as well as build your credibility as an author.

6. Guest Post and Guest Feature

Invite influencers to guest blog with you. Ask them questions and their opinions on relevant current topics concerning your industry. This is powerful because once published, these blogs have a high likelihood of being shared by the influencers- significantly expanding your articles reach.

7. Write About Influential People and Companies

A strategy I have successfully used to get attention is writing about influencers or companies and then tweeting the article to them. Because everyone loves flattery, this often results in a retweet and a flood of website traffic.

Examples of the types of articles to write would be: “100 Things I Learned From Elon Musk” or “Why Google is Revolutionizing Company Culture” or “Top Marketing Secrets Benjamin P. Hardy Taught Me”. You get the idea.

8. Answer Questions on Quora

Answering questions on Quora with a well-placed link back to you can get a ton of visitors to your website.

DISCLAIMER: I do not endorse the practices below (since I am sure some of them are against Quora’s terms) I am just passing on information on what has worked EXTREMELY well in the past in hopes that you can get an idea of the power of Q&A sites.

Real Business Case Study

A friend of mine runs a vitamin company online and makes over $20,000 a month using (Zero paid ads) Quora as his main advertising method.

He will typically write a few questions a day like: “What is the best vitamin if I have low energy” or “What are the best vitamins for a cold?” or “How much vitamin B should I take a day?” (Something like that).

Once he has written questions, he will use another account to reply to the question, saying “I have used (His Vitamin Brand) in the past it worked great etc.”. He then includes a link to where they can buy the product.

Once he has created questions and answers he then uses 11 or so pre-created Quora accounts to upvote his own response to ensure it is #1.

9. Talk About Controversial Topics

One way to ensure people are going to link and reference your blog is to discuss controversial topics. People like to see the human side of you and typically support people with strong, similar opinions. These type of post will have a high share rate on social media with like-minded followers.

10. Comment on Blogs in Your Niche

Being an active member of other blog communities pays off. Commenting on other blogs in your niche with links back to relevant VALUE-ADDING info on your site opens up a direct line for people to follow and find you.

If you want real results and real web traffic, you have to be willing to take action. I hope you wrote down a list of things you are going to do today to boost your business through writing. If you haven’t yet, go back, reread this, and write your actions down.

For an amazing 10-step guide to powerful website traffic in 7 days: Subscribe to Fiund Marketing

[circlestudioco-blog]

NGVC MANIFESTO

This article does not represent the position of Natural Grocers by Vitamin Cottage. Although I am confident that if this article were to go viral it would increase sales more substantially than Natural Grocer’s last 6 months of advertising . . . why is this? TRANSPARENCY.

 (It is important to recognize my intention in writing this article. I am not trying to shame, vilify or antagonize natural grocers. My intention is to inspire this company to strive for it's potential.)

 Natural Grocer’s does not sell food or vitamins and supplements or soaps.

NATURAL GROCERS sells information. How to create a better life through nutrition.

 We are living in a world where our biggest competition was just bought by an ecommerce company for 13.7 Billion, this is the big leagues.

 If you are unaware that every retailer has been competing with the internet for the past 5 years and in another 5 years will be licensing Amazon’s patented technology (AMAZON GO STORE CONCEPT [look it up on YouTube] https://youtu.be/NrmMk1Myrxc) to streamline the customer experience you are delusional. <This technology is coming to Whole Foods.>

 That doesn’t mean Natural Grocer’s has to die though, as long as we ADAPT.

 I am disheartened by the missed potential of Natural Grocers Vitamin Cottage. We are in danger of losing the vision, but there is still time. Natural Grocers can be a place where, through a

spirit of community, widespread health and nutrition information will be commonplace.

 Let’s be real and make this as personal and relatable as I possibly can

I am leaving this company because my creative potential has been systematically suppressed by the store operation model.

 This article is a response to Natural Grocer’s “slowing down growth”. This is a warning to the company to inform whoever it may concern that if Natural Grocer’s does not HALT opening of new stores until we have taken the time to refine the customer experience. NGVC WILL DROWN, SUFFOCATE AND SINK TO THE BOTTOM OF THE ALLEGORICAL OCEAN. (continuing the trend of the last five years)

 STOP STRATEGIZING and OPENING NEW STORES

Start listening & taking suggestions to heart & CHANGING PROCEDURE. LISTEN!

 What are the founding principles of Natural Grocer’s? It’s on the wall at the front of the building.

 1. Nutrition Education -  We are dedicated to providing Nutrition Education in the communities we serve. Over the years, Natural Grocers has spent literally millions of dollars helping to empower our customers and employees to take charge of their health. This community service is the foundation upon which our business is built. It’s also why we have nutritional health coaches, health and wellness experts, educated and knowledgeable employees and a resource room available at most stores.

 It’s nice to have this as an idea but WORK is required to actualize this concept.

 How do we implement nutritional information through the customer experience?

Train the wellness coach at each store to train coach and guide employees with weekly one on one meetings on how to build their own health and how to guide others. If that’s too much for one person, hire more wellness coaches.

Wellness coaches should schedule 3-5 classes per day of nutrition and invite health teachers to come give presentations either by allowing them to promote their own business (which creates community) or by paying them to convey information.

 2. Highest Quality Products - We are committed to Quality. Every product on our shelves must go through a rigorous screening and approval process. Our standards are second to none and our suppliers are continually evaluated to ensure their dedication to our guidelines. Providing the highest quality groceries and supplements, Natural Grocers branded products and only USDA certified organic fresh produce at the best prices in the industry are part of our mission.

 If you claim to be a pioneer in health standards you have to actually be revolutionary.

 STOP selling any GMO or non-organic product period. There needs to be a ruthless vetting of product that will follow through on this 2nd principle promise.

 STOP selling water with Fluoride. (This should go without stating.)

 STOP selling refined sugars. What health benefit does sugar have?

Stop catering to people’s weaknesses and root desires to make a quick buck. Build them up.

Remove the temptation. ZERO REFINED SUGARS

Still waiting on action . . . YOU’RE SCARED.

YOU ARE SCARED OF HAVING TO ANSWER FOR THIS

 By carrying GMO ingredients you have sold out TRUST for money.

 The TRUST of people, customers and employees is the most valuable resource of any business/brand.

  3.  Affordable Pricing -  We are committed to Every Day Affordable Pricing. We work hard to secure the best possible pricing on all of our products so that everyone can afford to take care of their health.

 The best way to keep prices low is to utilize repeatable routine and task sequencing for efficiency. THIS REQUIRES TRAINING YOUR EMPLOYEES, CROSS TRAINING THEM AND CREATING AN ATMOSPHERE OF TEAMWORK AND COACHING FOR MUTUAL SUCCESS.

By training efficiency, less staff is required and it also allows "Natural Grocers" to spend less time fighting problematic POS SYTEMS (bought second hand from king soopers) and waiting on technology which allows them to be productive which saves money and time.

 4. Commitment to our Community - We are committed to our Community. From free nutrition education lectures, to bag-free checkouts, to sourcing local products, to our donation programs, we work hard to make sure that we are serving the communities that help shape our world.

 You are trying to have multiple one night stands with your customers.

If you want to survive you need to marry your customers, put a ring on it. We may have bag free checkouts but waste pounds of paper on promotional print that most people don't want and throw away.

 Social media is community. Investments need to be made in creating brand culture through social media. And not half-assing it like we’ve been doing. Social media is not a distribution center for advertising. Social media is a place to listen to, respond to and interact with our customer base. Creative is the variable that is going to separate the companies that lose in 2020 And the ones that win. One way to do this is to sponsor local artists that create content related to health and nutrition. And the raw food rap video was cute but no one knew about it because it wasn’t promoted. PROMOTE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA BRAND CULTURE IN THE STORE THROUGH AESTHETIC GRAPHICS, DESIGNED TO INCENTIVIZE CUSTOMERS TO INTERACT ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

 GENERATION Z is a huge target market being completely overlooked. Kids are smart, and care about health. And they are the future! Stop just giving them candy so they’ll shut up for five minutes and try actually listening to them. Show them essential oils.

 If you give these kids a well designed informative engaging app, then they will teach their parents how to use it this will tighten their family relationship and spread nutritious knowledge.

 N-POWER REWARDS is creating bad will with customers. The number of complaints that I receive as a cashier is appalling. It must be scraped and rebuilt from the bottom.

Having to ask people if they are N-Power Rewards members makes me want to vomit on the table at the meeting where it was decided it would be a good idea to have a rewards program that depends on email.

WHAT YEAR IS IT?

I get that we outsourced N-Power because didn’t have the infrastructure in place. Bad decision. Why? Because We need to prioritize updating with speed. To quote Gary Vaynerchuck, “Speed is 10,000 times more important than perfection and you all are paralyzed by your wanting to ‘get things right’ vs ‘get things done’” N-POWER actually disempowers. Why not have a program like N-RGY X-CHANGE? "Are you an NX Member?" It's cool, it's edgy and it MEANS SOMETHING REAL.

ENERGY EXCHANGE. WE GIVE YOU ENERGY, YOU GIVE US ENERGY BACK. VICE VERSA. 

 Why is Google so successful? Because when they release a new app and they immediately ask for feedback. Then release version 2.0 before most people have downloaded 1.0. Speed. Efficiency. Design.

 5. Commitment to our Employees - We are committed to our Employees. They are what make our company great and we work hard to ensure that they are able to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle. Supporting them with free nutrition education programs, good pay and excellent benefits is what helps us to ensure satisfied, healthy employees who deliver world-class service to our customers.

 Build and empower your employees. This is simple.

There are more ways to exchange value than money.

And it’s cheaper to give us the information to be healthy than it is to pay us enough to find that information on our own.

HEALTH IS WEALTH

By making your employees healthy, by caring and actually giving a shit and showing up for them. They appreciate it, reciprocate and give back to helping the company be successful.

 This is called the law of reciprocity.

 3 incredibly relevant things to DO RIGHT NOW:

 REREAD the beginning of the employee handbook and ask yourself how Margaret Isley would feel about the current state the company is in.

 READ GARY VAYNERCHUCK’s THANK YOU ECONOMY which goes into how the law of reciprocity can be applied to business & ACTUALLY BEGIN IMPLEMENTING IT.

[https://youtu.be/2UkiM3OaHxw]

You need to provide people value upfront, and they will thank you with their support. GOES BOTH WAYS.

 In Boulder there is a place called The Integral Center (attend a circling session) and ask about Authentic Relating Comprehensive training. 

[http://integralcenter.org/arc/]

 Consider how we can train techniques for authentic relation of staff for better OVERALL customer experience.

 Why are companies like starbucks, verizon, google, chipotle and whole foods successful?

THE FELT PRESENCE OF CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE.

 I’d be happy to meet with any decision making individual to discuss implementation more specifically.

 if you are an employee or customer of natural grocers reading this, i would encourage you to write a letter, email, post on social media or call the Lakewood home office (303) 986-4600  and encourage change!

  markus k

circlestudioco.com

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