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uwua3 · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! I love your writing! Can you do headcanons for childhood sweethearts with Misumi?

summary: misumi’s life was split into two acts—before and after his grandfather’s death

warnings: angst, family death, lying, memory loss, mentions of physical abuse, open–ended, running away, trespassing, unhealthy parental relationships

author’s note: this is somewhat childhood sweethearts but not the right time :) please enjoy this angst(?) and i hope to make you proud!

word count: 4,500

music: older brother’s theme (fall, then rise again) – shalfi

14.

🌻⚠️ ikaruga misumi

misumi couldn’t remember anything before he was 14 years old

it was as if his life was split into two acts: before his grandfather’s death versus now, after hakkaku tragically died

he knew his grandfather had to have a spare copy of his life’s script somewhere, perhaps hidden underneath his stacks of original works carefully stashed away in his office. was it folded into those paper airplanes he took the time to make? maybe, preserved within a dusty folder alphabetically organized within his filing cabinet

he just wanted to see one picture, of his grandfather’s smiling face towards the camera and hear all the fond stories about mankai and acting and what it meant to live your dream with your best friends. if he was lucky, maybe watch a clip of his favorite troupe acting while his grandfather wrote in the waiting lobby with scribbles on an old notepad

all misumi had to go was go back. was that too much to ask for?

but, he wasn’t allowed to come back, not anymore now that his parents were alive

misumi forgot who he was before hakkaku’s untimely death; he wasn’t anyone except his grandfather’s little boy and that was more than enough for him

now, he wasn’t anyone’s. just ikaruga misumi, the neglected son that didn’t exist to the public eye

misumi was 14 when he forgot what it was like to be happy

but, misumi was also 14 when he also stopped seeing you anymore

you were misumi’s childhood best friend who he met through his grandfather. you were the next door neighbor who didn’t judge him for his irregularities and soon enough, you two spent your years playing at hakkaku’s home after school

(“let’s get married, sumi!” you giggled, falling back onto the grass as the sun shined upon your happy faces. misumi didn’t think anything of it, taking your hand as he laid next to you and turned his head towards his best friend. “kay~ only if you make me onigiri!”)

(you paused to contemplate the deal before nodding, determined. “i’ll make you onigiri, let’s marry when we’re old then!” you were certain you could learn and misumi giddily cheered, kicking his legs with his sudden energy. “i’ll wait, then!”)

yet after his grandfather’s death, slowly but surely, misumi’s memory of you faded into nothing. days went by where misumi tried searching his brain after feeling like something was missing, but the process of grief took a toll on his mental state. he felt like there wasn’t any closure despite attending the funeral—what, or who, was missing?

after hakkaku passed, there was no one left to stop his parents from controlling every aspect of his life

from how he acted in public around other children to what he did every minute of the day outside of the house, any part of misumi’s rare freedom he treasured with his grandfather was taken away for the worse

this meant misumi wasn’t allowed to especially communicate with anyone outside of the pre–approved social circle (aka, no one)

it was a trap. all to gaslight misumi into believing his parents’ manipulative behavior came from how much they loved him

it wasn’t their fault, it couldn’t be. they wanted the best, even if it was at his own sacrifice. how could they, his parents, the people who were meant to love him, mean to do this?

they loved him, because if they didn’t, who else would?

misumi only knew one thing from his hazy past: hakkaku loved theatre. acting was his calling, it’s what made his grandfather smile the biggest even until his dying days

so misumi acted. he put on a smile everyday just like his hakkaku (he hoped his grandfather was looking down on him with that same smile)

misumi grew up to the family disgrace, no matter how hard he tried to fit in. he always stood out, wasn’t the same as the other perfect model students at the top of the class

other boys spoke when asked, had a polite tone constantly, rose their hand properly with the elegance of a crown prince. misumi could never sit still, was always called out for bouncing his leg or tapping his pen rapidly against the desk too much

everything misumi did was too loud; he drew attention to himself even if he desperately tried to look the part of a heir to a business legacy family

every time the rumors got a bit too much, he’d arrive home to both his parents sitting at the kitchen table and he knew what he had to do

they called it trainings, but it really felt like an excuse to punish him for not being like his younger brother, madoka

one day, it was a particularly hard session of training. misumi’s legs wobbled even as he ran as fast as he could, feeling the sting of his mother’s slap upon his cheek as tears threatened to fall. it was raining so loud, the droplets smacked against the ground and covered evidence of his leather shoes against the pavement

he was about 16 when he found himself at hakkaku’s house after all this time, at the entrance of the gate with his fists clenched and breath uneven as he skidded to a stop

misumi was about to scream at the top of his lungs, even if it meant risking being seen, before he noticed something in the midst of the haze

a drenched figure staring back at him with wide eyes

misumi paused, the ambush of the storm filling the space between you two as thunder sounded in the distance. you didn’t say a word, just at the bottom steps of the door past the gate

how did you make it in? did you jump it? misumi backed away to take in the full height of the gate and back at you, he nearly didn’t believe it until you sprinted full speed at the metal

“wait—!” misumi yelled over the rain, reaching his hand out to signal you to stop but you gripped the bars and propelled yourself with ease

he swore everything felt like it was in slow motion. the raindrops seemed to freeze midair when misumi’s eyes caught yours, even if it seemed like you were attempting to ignore his sharp gaze

that feeling of missing something came back again, but stronger than ever

time sped up quickly. you landed beside him with a thud even on the slippery mud. you didn’t spare him another glance, just moved to run. he didn’t stop you

misumi watched you leave after trespassing, standing in the rain as your shadow turned the corner

why didn’t he stop you? you were a stranger trespassing onto his dead grandfather’s property but why...

why did it feel like he knew you?

misumi stared after you, barely feeling the buzz of his phone in his back pocket as he pulled it out blankly, knowing it was his father

he picked up and didn’t even flinch at the sound of cursing anymore, just obediently said he’d come home without looking away

“i’m sorry father, it’s my fault, i know.”

misumi was 17 the next time he went to hakkaku’s home

there was no particular reason why. unlike last time where he arrived suddenly, it was like something was calling him this time. an instinct in his conscious was pulling him towards the abandoned house

this time, he was taller, a year older now, but still as outcasted as before. he skipped school just based on a gut feeling, his uniform not ironed like the other boys in his class

misumi sprinted faster, feeling the blood rush through his head as he barely managed to breathe from trying to release his energy. of course, he’d never be like the son his parents wanted so much

the long grass beneath his creased shoes indicated how long it had been since he had visited, the unmowed lawn extending into the road as misumi inhaled in the still atmostphere

the birds chirped in the background, the new day setting in as the calming blue sky passed by with distant clouds. the morning dew was still present and misumi knew his grandfather would’ve been reading the paper by now

misumi stopped by the gate again, closer this time as his fingers brushed the bars. he took in the way he used to pull the barricade open just to see his favorite man in the world, now it was locked and kept away from the public

a deep breath in and out. panting slightly, misumi closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the gate, embracing the cold chill of the metal upon his skin

misumi was about to turn away and hurry back to school to avoid a serious lecture again before he sensed something, or someone

a hesitant footstep in the grass confirmed his suspicions when he quickly whipped around and came face to face with a familiar figure

it was you! the person from last year!

misumi didn’t know how he knew because you looked different, too. you had on a school uniform as well, but a cheaper, less well–known one compared to his

(he didn’t recognize it, his parents didn’t let him interact with anyone outside of his private academy, anyways)

you were just as surprised, maybe even a bit scared this time, as you took a step back

misumi gripped the gate subconsciously, as he looked down at you. suddenly, he remembered who he was and what family he belonged (or wanted to belong) to. he automatically straightened his posture, standing tall like his parents taught him to

“who are you?” misumi asked, forcing his voice to come out colder than he intended. you winced at the question for some reason, turning your head to look at the wildflowers instead

you seemed to think before lifting your stare to the blue, clear horizon. your voice rang out and it felt like something misumi heard before

“a friend.”

silence. then, misumi sighed, his shoulders dropping and the tension bleeding out of his body when he realized you didn’t particularly care for the meticulous act he was meant to star in

you visibly relaxed when misumi let go of the gate, instead he slouched a bit as he put his hands in his pockets. you noticed how he rocked back and forth on the heels of his shoes despite the obvious price of them

putting his hand out for you to shake, he bit his tongue, automatically about to share his last name before refraining, knowing it wasn’t his to begin with

“my name’s misumi.”

you hesitated as well, but he didn’t know why. you appeared to already know his name as you carefully took his hand, seemingly debating something before sighing softly

you said a name that you’ve never gone by before, and before he could say anything, you smiled

“misumi... means triangle, right?”

misumi didn’t question a thing, just grinned genuinely for once and he looked much, much younger

there were some things left unsaid in this sudden and unusual friendship. misumi didn’t ask who you were to hakkaku, or why you were here in the first place, just accepted you had experience jumping over fences and trespassing

you didn’t ask misumi anything because you knew who he was. to the world, ikaruga misumi was a confusing teenager who didn’t belong to his prestigious family. to you, an acquaintance, misumi was the boy that was the reason you visited this home in the first place

it was something like a fever dream when you saw misumi again those years ago. you almost didn’t recognize his stylish trendy haircut you knew his parents forced him to have, the tight fitting uniform he must’ve hated for how constraining it was, or the polished dress shoes made of the finest imported leather

but you knew it was him when you noticed the loose tie with the triangle base prominent, the triangular–shaped handkerchief tucked into his breast pocket neatly with a creative pattern you knew he bought himself, the bright neon socks peeking out from underneath his classic straight leg pants

misumi grew up but he was still the little boy you played with at hakkaku’s residence, he just forgot about anything that made him happy before that

so when you ran away that day, you regretted it. you turned on your heel just to see an empty road where he used to stand, and the downpour was heavier by that hour. you were too late, you had missed him again

until when you were both 17. it was that day where you forged a new identity at the place that defined your childhood

you and misumi scheduled to meet at least every week, sometimes more if misumi’s family life was beginning to get to him (he didn’t have to say it, you already knew just based on his appearance alone)

you’d both hop the gate and rest together at the front porch regardless of weather, hiding from the rest of the world and forming a friendship again after years apart

to you, misumi wasn’t ikaruga heir to the family fortune and business with an eccentric flair and broken, fragmented past. he was the boy who really looked up to his grandfather, folded paper airplanes in a split second, and transformed himself into anything with a mold to please the people he loved

this meant he was willing to be anyone anybody needed at any time because he simply could, even at his own sacrifice

you were still 17 when misumi helped you over the gate even if you didn’t need it and decided to break in. it was sunny with the afternoon coming in, golden hour casting both your shadows across the landscape

“do you ever miss your grandfather?” you asked quietly, breaking the comfortable silence that always remained between you two. misumi helped you land on the ground, carefully releasing your hand and letting out a contemplative sound

he pushed his hands in his academy blazer pockets, almost pulling them out abruptly before remembering it was just you. despite the short time knowing you (or so he thought), he was oddly comforted by your presence and let himself slouch just slightly

“every day...” misumi started, his tone heavier than usual. you stopped walking beside him to listen and he followed suit, turning his body towards you but his gaze set on the warm silhouette of hakkaku’s home

“i hope gramps is watching me right now.” misumi mumbled, seemingly lost in thought before you ignored your own irregular heartbeat and smiled, tilting your head to catch his distant eyes

“do you want to go inside?” you carefully offered, unsure of his answer. misumi didn’t react, just continued staring at the moving shadow of the house before he nodded, as if unaware of his own subconscious decision

“i’m here for you, okay?” you said, holding your hand out for some reason. misumi took it without thinking and you fought back the surprised blush on your face, instead taking the lead and avoiding his considerate expression

“you feel... familiar?” misumi commented out of no where, and you laughed

“you too.”

misumi didn’t ask anything else, he knew his place. just helped you open the lock upon one of the windows he knew like the back of his hand (it was ingrained in his body, even if he didn’t exactly remember the fine details)

(when you came inside, you and misumi didn’t notice the framed picture hung by the entrance of you and misumi in hakkaku’s arms)

from that point on, you and misumi allowed yourselves to be surrounded by hakkaku’s creations as a way to cope with his inevitable death

at first, it was a silent way of mourning. you and misumi didn’t discuss your connections to hakkaku, the satisfaction of knowing you could share your pain was enough. but after gathering the courage to enter the home, you two became more open and honest with each other about how important misumi’s grandfather was

yet, you fabricated a web of lies in order to maintain your secrecy, pretending like all you did was live besides hakku or something else minor. misumi didn’t question it, he didn’t ask for much and was content with your company even if he rarely and silently questioned your truthfulness

during your time together, you’d take your time exploring each room over a span of months after overcoming the obstacle of invading a dead man’s privacy. it wasn’t much, just standing in the middle of rooms misumi barely remembered and running his fingers over the dusty surfaces

it was like he didn’t have it in him to find out who he was before his grandfather’s death anymore

you were both 18 when misumi decided to look through his grandfather’s office

“i’m ready!” misumi proudly exclaimed, his energy infectious and feet tapping against the hardwood floor. after a year, he had allowed himself to express his loud and odd personality without putting on an act of who his parents wanted him to be (living a double life was exhausting, but being himself with you was worth it)

(you understood, somewhat)

you smiled, giving him a big high five to return his energy but feeling your heart drop to your stomach. it was selfish, you know, but you almost didn’t want him to. if he found all those old scripts you and him wrote together, the awful calligraphy from your childhood years, the photo albums hakkaku liked having of his best kids—

you didn’t have the heart to tell him “no”. you trailed behind misumi as he took a moment to rest his hand upon the screen before pushing it aside, revealing the aged and undisturbed office that belonged to mankai’s first playwright

misumi took a step in and stopped, his breath hitching in his throat as his eyes darted from every corner of the room. you hesitated behind him, your shaking hand hovering over his shoulder before dropping it to your side. misumi spun around, a big grin on his face and you couldn’t help but smile, too

(even if reliving the memories he couldn’t remember hurt)

“i just know gramps must’ve worked here.” misumi mumbled in wonder, amazement even, as he let out a “wow” at the stacks of folders and cabinets with hundreds of bindings. you nodded, unable to find the voice to speak, treasuring the way his eyes shined just like before

“i wish we could’ve been here together with him.” misumi mentioned and you stifled a sound of regret in your throat. you wish you just told him who you really were, that you were his best friend of long ago, that you would always be his friend

but, you didn’t

you smiled, and nodded

“me too.”

from then on, you relived all those years acting out various scripts even though he was your only audience. growing up, you had the maturity to recognize how talented and powerful hakkaku’s writing was, and how every heroic role was created for misumi

(you particularly remembered a script hakkaku penned when he whispered to you that the bold, eccentric, one–of–a–kind protagonist was based on misumi. so when misumi found a copy, you told him the secret and you had never seen him happier)

piece by piece, misumi began unlocking parts of his childhood memory. blurred events became clearer with specific details of the rooms he explored—except one

a person? something, or someone, was constantly a blank figure at the back of his mind. every happy important memory he shared was with someone besides hakku, but he couldn’t remember who or why

sometimes, if you said a line a specific way, or struck a dramatic childish pose with a laugh, misumi’s eyes lit up in recognition. he’d take a second to look over you with a troubled furrow of his eyebrows, as if he was sure he knew you from somewhere

“are you sure we don’t know each other?”

“i’d never forget a boy like you, sumi!”

“you’re right! i’d never forget you, either!”

you were both trying your best to move on from the untimely death of your greatest mentor and parental figure. as long as you two had each other and hakkaku’s home, it would be okay

but, you and misumi were 18 when his parents found out about everything

it was the night after high school graduation. you and misumi laid on the mat floor of his grandfather’s work office, staring up at the open windows to the dark night sky. between you was an open bento box you packed for both of you, a favorite you were satisfied to discover hadn’t changed: onigiri

he was still wearing his satin robes and his cap was left abandoned by his side, the previously tight tie now barely looped around his neck and gel dried in his slicked back hair. with you, he let himself be the messier, less responsible version his parents reprimanded him for

(you seemed to like him regardless and he didn’t know it, but he liked you, too)

misumi bit into his onigiri, trying to compliment you with his mouth open as he giggled behind his hand. you never thought you’d be here again—sharing a homemade meal with a friend who came back into your life

you laid your arms behind your head, turning it to see misumi was already staring at you. you waited for him to continue rambling about his day, the rush of finally leaving his stifling academy, but misumi didn’t say anything

until, he smiled

“how did you know onigiri was my favorite?”

then, you felt a pang of guilt. it had been a few years of lying, even if everything else was true. somehow, that second name became a part of who you are, but you knew it was still wrong

the truth you wanted to confess was right at the tip of your tongue. the silence was eating away at you, and like always, misumi could tell if something was on your mind

“are you okay? here, have onigiri!” misumi smiled, holding out food without any care in the world. you paused, blinking

the moonlight illuminated his silver blue hair, making him glow even more as the amber hues of his eyes made your breath hitch. you could see the stars in his presence and before you knew it, you admitted your truth

“i‘ve loved you ever since we were 14.”

“what do you mean? we didn’t know each other before gramp’s death—”

misumi was cut off by a car door slam. when you heard the wheels stop, it’s like both of you knew

without wasting a moment, misumi grabbed your arm and pulled you to the dark corner of the room. your figures passed by the walls quickly as you pressed your back against his chest, trying to stifle your rapid breath in the shadows

you cursed under your breath, crouching behind the height of the desk as misumi’s arm around your waist held you back. you could hear their hushed voices around you; you thanked whoever was listening for misumi’s high athletic ability to launch both of you out of sight

“how do you think they found us?” you murmured, shutting your eyes with a gulp, trying to ignore the situation for as long as possible. misumi looked around, attempting to pinpoint the footsteps

“i... i don’t know.” misumi responded quietly, sounding defeated and solemn for once. you could physically feel him retracting back into his shell, putting on his mask to hide his true feelings

“misumi! you are coming home right now!” misumi’s mother shrieked, startling both of you to the core as misumi inhaled sharply. you knew what would happen if his parents found out. you started pushing him towards the window, muttering a “go, go!”

you knew if misumi was caught, he wouldn’t survive the brutality of his pathetic excuse of a family

“climb onto the roof.” you ordered, not giving him time to refuse. you knew he had the physical capability to do it and he knew it, too. as misumi pulled himself up with a flip into the roof shackles, you stood at the window anxiously as the footsteps got louder and louder

“come on, i got you.” misumi whispered, holding his hand out to you. you didn’t take it just yet, reaching into your pocket to place something in his palm, putting your other hand above his for a moment

(the gold of the triangular earring glinted in the moonlight. it was almost your way of fulfilling that marriage pact all those years ago, even if he didn’t remember)

“i love you, we’ll see each other again.” you promised even if there wasn’t nothing to guarantee it. before misumi could ask why, you let go at the sound of the screen door slamming open

you let yourself witness the moon for a last moment of peace, before turning around and confronting the parents you never thought you’d see again

they said your name and you winced, hearing a slight disturbance above you. you knew he knew, and sighed but remained standing your ground

“i’m sorry.” you whispered, much to the confusion of the ikaruga parents. but, you hoped he heard your overdue apology

“we thought we told you to stop seeing him.” his father said at the entrance, making you laugh with no humor whatsoever. you glanced at the half–eaten onigiri discarded on the floor, wishing you could go back to that time minutes ago

“he isn’t here.” you lied, knowing damn well the scuttle across the roof and noisier bristle of the trees was the last time you’d see him for a long time

hakkaku’s home became nothing more than sold property. not even a week later, the ikaruga family employed businesses to sort out the furniture and clear out the rooms. nothing was left that symbolized it was you and misumi’s safe space

but, misumi... it was like he was gone. if the ikaruga household was a professional family portrait, misumi’s figure would’ve faded into the background and disappeared for good. you knew he must’ve ran away, for the sake of himself and his disappointed family

(“i’ve always let my parents down... i’m not a good brother, he doesn’t like me.” misumi admitted one day after you found him in his grandfather’s office, curled up in the same chair hakkaku used to sit in. you simply folded a paper airplane with an encouraging message, throwing it towards his lap. the teary smile was worth the precise lines)

you didn’t see misumi anymore, and you couldn’t believe it. for some reason, you didn’t expect to lose him a second time

but when you reached up to your ear and knew that triangle earring was with him, you tried to move on. but, this time, alone

who knows? maybe, you’d see him again. you waited since you were both 14, you could wait again

#ikaruga misumi #misumi ikaruga #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #misumi x reader #a3! misumi #a3 misumi

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blushing-titan · 4 years ago

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Eren as a father and Ymir as a mother motives theory never made sense. They were represented as emotionally stunned children in paths doing the Rumbling, not as adults. Ymir never cared about her children, she doomed them to suffer after her VERY SHITTY AND SELFISH CHOICE TO DIE because her abuser didn't return her "love". That was clear before Eren revealed it. She saved him and abandoned her children. She never gave a single fuck about them. She was always looking at HIM. (1)

For his part, Eren reverted to a child, talked about the sights with Armin which foreshadowed his motivation was mixed with his mental fuckery and timeless perspective. Dina and bird twist were foreshadowed via memory shards earlier. Krueger went on a rant about protecting Armin and Mikasa (and the "others") to Grisha. We've always known who Eren prioritized above all. Last chapter offered no twists, only confirmations. The story was always about EMA, Historia never had a place in the climax.

Hi! Thank you very much for writing 😀 I put my reply under the cut, so people who scroll down while searching tags don’t have problems with my long post (...because I feel like, unfortunetely, it’s gonna be another stream of conciousness from me, sorry about that 😅)

I really like your take on the "emotionally stunned children in paths" imaginery - I fully agree that it's a nicely-done symbolism!

To me, the whole Ymir sacrificed herself because of her unrequited love was not at all as clear and obvious as you say - especially before Eren revealed it. I still have a lot of problems with this plot twist, and how Ymir's feelings towards Fritz were portrayed in the end.

With the amount of abuse and mistreatment the king put her through, many fans tried to come up with different theories as to why Ymir kept on serving him. The way I interpreted it, after seeing her tortured expression over and over in many panels, was that she stayed by his side because of fear and emotional damages. With the way she was living, I was not surprised that she sacrificed herself, too - I thought that she honestly had enough, which added to the tradgedy of how she still couldn't find peace after that, and kept on being enslaved in paths.

I saw many takes and theories on her motives, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone betting on she was actually in love before ch. 139. I probably didn't search good enough, but again - with what I saw in the manga, I would have never bet on that either. My point is - before ch. 139 (...and after it too, in my opinion) Ymir was a walking mystery with unclear motives, so there were a lot of theories. Therefore, I disagree that the "parents" theory could never work - it obviously doesn’t work now, after ch. 139, but before that, her motivation could be anything really. I still wish it was something else, because what we got was too vague and problematic, in my opinion.

I simply dislike Ymir's conclusion. I feel like there was so much potential in her backstory and motives + a few different ways to tie it back with different plotpoints and characters in the end to make it more meaningful, but what we got was a brief: She was in love with the person who abused her, I know it sounds unbelievable but I couldn't look deeper into her heart, so we have to take it as it is.

In general - I can't brush it off, but to me it feels like Ymir's end goal was rushed, not explored properly, and almost pulled out of nowhere. Unfortunately, I feel the same about Mikasa's involvement in lifting the titan's curse. Don't get me wrong - I'm not at all against her becoming the hero. Quite the opposite, I was rooting for her since the beginning, and hoped to see her develop and have a big moment, but this...this honestly also felt pulled out of nowhere and, in my eyes, didn't do Mikasa justice at all. I wish there was more proper build-up and foreshadowing done so I (...and, from what I've seen, a huge portion of fans) wouldn't feel that way, but here we are.

As for the Eren/Armin conversation, I like how they got to "see" the world together, even though just as a visualisation in the paths. My problem is the [...] Eren reverted to a child, talked about the sights with Armin which foreshadowed his motivation was mixed with his mental fuckery and timeless perspective part. Again, this should have been forshadowed (...and developed in general!) much sooner - not in the final chapter, right before we learn about this controversial motivation of his.

Instead, for many chapters, we were lead to believe that Eren was acting with his original goals and personal motivations in mind; that he had some character developement which caused him to start thinking his actions through, stop acting so impulsively - and finally, that he had a plan in mind, or at least was acting out of his own free will.

If you've never seen him in this light and his motivation/behaviour seemed in character in the last chapter to you - that's fine, all power to you! But if such a big portion of the fanbase felt otherwise (me included), then it means that there were some writing issues that led to this.

The Dina situation should have been explored more, as well. It's a huuuge plot twist, which puts our MC's motovations in an entirely new light, and creates quite a few additional plot-related questions. The way we're shown the situation: Berthold couldn't die just yet, so Eren directed Dina somewhere else, which ended up being his house.

...why not anywhere else? He could literally send her back outside the wall. On top of that - did he seriously sacrifice his mother in favour of his friends? I'd really like more information on this, but the topic is cut basically as soon as it appears. I find it especially unnatural, considering the way further dialogue goes:

Eren tells Armin about how he caused his mother's demise. Armin makes a terrified face, but drops the topic, smiles and casually proceeds with: "Let's go, Eren" - like his friend didn't just reveal one of the most controversial plot twist in the series. No, who'd want to hear an elaboration on that - better talk about Mikasa, so instead we get the entire (in my eyes - really forced) Eremika-themed talk. The priorities...

About the bird thing...if I remember correctly, there were three shards revolving around this theme. Two of them just show birds flying, one of them shows Falco from bird’s perpective. Sure, now that we know that some random bird in the end pecked on Mikasa's scarf, we can kiiiiiind of connect it to the Falco's shard...but honestly, why was Eren's soul transferred into some random bird after his death? On top of that, a bird that was already existing in the world while he was still alive, as a human...did that bird’s conciousness just go poof! one day, for Eren to take the vacant spot? Should we also look for other deceased titan shifters in barns or birdhouses? 😅 I can’t believe I’m overthinking it this hard...😆

That's some three-eyed-parasitic-jeager stuff, for sure.

Jokes aside, I guess what I'm trying to say is that foreshadowing is fun and great, but it should go hand in hand with proper developement - and, in my opinion, the examples above kinda lack it (...ok, I'd let the "bird Eren" thing slide because whatever, I don't feel the need to be that serious about it, it could stay ambigous in my opinion - but I'd definitely want some more closure as for the Dina situation or Ymir’s motivations and inner thoughts)

I've always said that Armin and Mikasa were two of Eren's closest friends - or, even more, the only people he considered family. I've also never believed that he would ever willingly sacrifice them, as some people theorized (...though guess what, now that I know what happened to his mother, I have to rethink my reasoning). I understand that EMA are the main characters, and was expecting that the story's conclusion will be tied to them somehow, but definitely not at the expense of logical character and story developement (...and sorry - to me the ending just felt that way).

As for Historia: if she was never supposed to be important in the end, then, in my eyes, it's a very poorly guided plotline that only led to unecessary drama in the fanbase. Why make her situation look sus with things such us:

Incorrect conception date,

The emphasis on how she didn't marry the father of her baby (...only to reveal in ch. 139 that she, in fact, did that),

The mysterious, cloaked figure observing her talking to the farmer,

The whole talk with Eren in ch. 130, and Eren thinking back to it while talking with Zeke.

All the Historia/Ymir parallels.

Seriously, what was the point? It would be so easy to simply make the situation clear. Why not just make Historia admit to Eren in ch. 131: "yes, I'm already pregnant with the farmer's baby - I did it to save myself."? Why not cut the bs with the "she didn't marry him" - because, in all honesty, what did that information bring into the story, aside from confusion and "misunderstanding" - and just make them married, instead? Even better - why not have at least one panel showing Historia and farmer being at least somehow affectionate with each other? Why not let go of all this retconned stuff and use these panels for shelling out other plotpoints?

The theories didn't come out of nowhere - they were based on what was shown in the manga. People wouldn't be disappointed with Historia's conclusion if it was never implied that she was still somehow important. We may argue about it back and forth, but the truth is - when so many people collectively "misunderstand" a certain plotline to this extent, then it means there had to be some storytelling issues that led them to this - simple as that.

To sum it up, I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter and found it logical and satisfying. I absolutely don't want to take that away from you, or make you change your mind, but I also can't help the fact that I don't see it in the same light as you. You say that the final chapter offered no twists, only confirmations - to me, it was pretty much the opposite. Still, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts, and sorry it took me so long to reply! Hope you're having a nice day 😄

#snk 139 #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #answered

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tonotbelionized · 5 years ago

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RWBY’s Handlement of Abuse

Abuse isn’t a topic that’s anything new in media, it’s been handled over decades in many different ways; some done very well and others... not so well. RWBY is one of the many shows that attempts to handle this controversial topic, and goes deep into how it not only affects the victims of the abuse, but also deals with different types.

Physical, Emotional, Mental, even less known ones such as financial abuse, this show actually handles many attempts with clear care and the writers do seem to do their research in this. In my opinion, this research and trying to find out more about this sensitive topic is shown very clearly. I don’t like talking about myself much, but as a victim of abuse myself, I hold this topic very dear to my heart and feel more strongly when it’s written compared to other topics.

So, with that in mind, I’d like to look at the different abusive relationships we have so far in RWBY, and to see how well they hold up in both writing and how they’re seen so in the FNDM itself.

Adam & Blake

Now, one of the most well known abusive relationships in RWBY is the one between Adam and Blake. It’s been given the most screen time, thought, and it has the bonus of having happened to one of our four protagonists. There is no denying that the relationship between these two characters is an extremely toxic one, and it’s a relationship that has heavily impacted on both Blake and the FNDM as well.

Even before their confrontation at the end of Volume 3, Blake clearly shows the behaviour and the mentality of an abuse victim. She doesn’t see Adam as this monster, and whenever he’s mentioned by her during this time, she actually uses non-threatening or derogatory words such as referring to him as her partner or that he changed. She never outright talks about what it was exactly that Adam did to her or how he changed. In fact, the closest we had was after Yang was disqualified from the tournament where she explains why she’s afraid to just trust Yang again.

Blake’s journey of learning to live with her trauma and move away from the past is nicely written and I like the fact that it isn’t a straight path to progress. Blake stumbles, she fails and she gets back up again, something that’s great because that’s what most recovery progress is like. The culmination of her proving she’s no longer afraid of Adam at the end of Volume 5 felt earned compared to her reaction to seeing him again before, and it’s a solid moment of Blake doing this with Sun, a friend, rather than carrying on what she was doing before with pushing everything away.

While I’m not a big fan of her letting Adam go at the end of it, given that it just felt like she was letting a terrorist and extremely dangerous person escape just so he knew what it was like to run away, that doesn’t diminish how powerful that moment is for Blake’s character and her whole relationship with Adam. Adam’s short and Blake opening up more in Volume 6 shows use how far the abuse went.

Adam wasn’t afraid to emotionally manipulate and gaslight Blake when he felt she was questioning him too much. He’s emotionally shackled himself to her and clearly won’t let anything take Blake away from him, so when she finally leaves him behind, he believes that it’s her fault that he’s hurting and is unable to see how irrational that line of thinking is. He isn’t willing to take responsibility for what he did, and this carries on to where he would rather kill Blake than let her go again, even dragging Yang into it.

It’s really telling that Adam goes as far as to reject the chance to leave twice. Both Blake and Yang have matured enough to try and push Adam to leave them alone and to move on with his life, but he’s unable to comprehend doing so mentally. That emotional attachment to Blake is still there, and ultimately he died rather than break that bond. It was a cathartic moment for Blake to truly be free of Adam, and the fact that she breaks down rather than be triumphant feels like such a realistic moment because an abuse victim doesn’t just hate their abuser even when they leave.

Getting those moments that were great with your abuser out of your head is incredibly difficult, and it’s clear that even with Adam gone, the damage that he did to Blake’s mental state is plain to see, especially since she blames herself for the plan going wrong on the ship. She’s so used to it being her fault that she can’t comprehend when it isn’t, because to an abuse victim everything is their fault.

Raven & Yang

Abandonment and emotional abuse go hand in hand, and I’d like to add that while Raven’s abandonment of Yang is a more typical style we are used to in media, where the person ups and leaves to never return, there is another type of abandonment; a series of temporary abandonment where the abuser returns again, only to up and leave when things don’t go as they want.

The abusive relationship between Yang and Raven is just as impactful as the abuse Blake suffered under Adam, and yet I feel that it’s weirdly brushed off by some people in the FNDM as well as not being given much prevalence when Yang finally confronts Raven, both when she met Raven at the bandit camp and in Haven’s vault.

I don’t like that Yang calls Raven “Mom”, because Raven is not Yang’s mother. She left when her daughter was just born and never did anything to raise her, which is what a parent is. It’s easy to have a baby, but if you don’t put in the effort to actually raise that child in a healthy way, then you are not a parent. On top of that, when Yang finally finds Raven again, she’s very emotionally manipulative of her daughter.

She constantly praises and is open to Yang when it suits her, but as soon as Yang makes it clear that she only wants to find Ruby, not spend time with her, Raven instantly becomes closed off and cold, making comments on that family only visits her when they want something. Not only is this classical emotional abuse, as she’s treating Yang well only when she believes Yang deserves it. Put plainly, Yang is treated nicely when she does what Raven likes. It’s also very hypocritical given how little Raven actually cares about her actual family.

Then the argument in vault further solidifies this. Raven isn’t above calling her mentally ill daughter a scared little girl when Yang starts shaking from her PTSD. She constantly tries to excuse her behaviour, albeit poorly, and Yang rightfully calls her out for not only calling herself strong while showing the exact opposite, but that she killed the previous Spring Maiden to take her powers while also calling herself merciful for doing so. It just paints Raven with a victim complex, that she had a hard life and survived it so her actions are justified.

The main problem that I have with this that I don’t have with Adam and Blake’s relationship, is that there’s no real ending to the fact that Raven abandoned Yang and left her daughter with crippling abandonment issues. Yang starts to touch on this when she asked Raven why she left her and her family in the bandit camp, but Raven deflected the question and it’s never brought up again during this time.

Their only confrontation after is in the vault, but as I mentioned before, Yang didn’t even try to find out why Raven left her. This was the one thing she wanted to find out, something that was built up in her talk with Blake in Volume 2, but instead they talk about the Spring Maiden and then Yang takes the lamp after calling Raven out for calling herself strong. No mention of how her leaving Yang affected her daughter, or even Yang trying to find out why.

The final thing with this is just how selfish Raven is. She willingly lets Yang take the relic despite knowing that Salem would go after her, rather than just closing the vault and leaving. That’s a choice. No one needed to take the relic because no one knew that Raven was the Spring Maiden. The only person who knew otherwise was Cinder, and she was believed to be dead at that moment. The fact that she cried for a few seconds seems to be enough for some fans to say that she obviously cared when Raven hadn’t shown any of that before.

She purposely manipulated Yang, she abandoned her family, she wanted the villains to kill her brother and lets Cinder throw a fireball at Ruby (Yang’s sister and her teammates daughter), and she shows no remorse for this until that one moment. That’s not good enough, and I certainly hope that Yang gets at least some closure in the upcoming volumes.

Jacques & Winter, Weiss and Whitley

The interesting thing about Jacques’ abuse on his children, and his wife, is that it’s one of the few abusive relationships that we see have a different effect on each one of his victims.

First one and the one I actually have least to say about is Willow, but it seems that his abuse of her has the biggest impact because of how much it affects their children. It’s pretty clear that their marriage was very much toxic, but not so much that she would’ve suspected that Jacques didn’t actually love her given Willow’s severe reaction and decline mentally when he confessed that he only married her for her name.

This beating down of his wife’s mental state and driving her to alcoholism has the negative effect on the children because they no longer have that maternal figure in their life anymore. Willow was a caring mother; she attended Weiss’ recitals, she cared enough to throw them birthday parties and was angry when Jacques was late to Weiss’ tenth birthday, but after that she just stopped caring.

His behaviour with his children is that of a typical narcissist, and that it seems to have an effect on each Schnee child differently. It very much relies on dividing the siblings, playing on the typical golden child vs black sheep, and even then the term golden child is used loosely given how easily they can lose that title if they even step a toe out of line. With that mentality, Winter, Weiss and Whitley have that source of comfort and strength with standing together taken away.

Not only that, but a majority of his abuse comes from that narcissist behaviour. To Jacques, his children aren’t people with their own dreams and feelings and wants, their physical extensions of himself that he can control, befitting that of stocks to a business owner.

Let’s start with Winter. We can pretty much infer that what happened to Weiss had happened to Winter given what she says in Volume 3, that she went through something similar when she left to join the army. Winter leaving home to join the army is a direct comparison to the story of an abused child leaving the household to join the military as a way of escaping that trauma, and even then Winter is not completely free from Jacques because she has to keep contact with him.

It’s likely that moment of freedom she granted herself by joining the army was taken as an affront to Jacques’ power and control over her, he can no longer tell Winter what to do because she doesn’t live with him or rely on him for shelter, so he’s going to do the next best thing he can. He cuts Winter off from her money. It’s a fantastic representation of financial abuse that also affects Weiss in Volume 3, and shows how far Jacques is willing to go just to prove that Winter ultimately can’t escape him so long as she is in Atlas, which she remains due to her work.

The effect this has on Winter is very open and clear. Winter has pretty much thrown herself into her work and professionalism, to the point where, while it’s obvious she deeply cares for Weiss and had been looking out for her sister since they were children, she cannot let herself be free and open with her feelings. To Winter, her place in the military is home because it’s given her that chance for freedom away from her abusive household, away from Jacques. If that’s threatened or insulted, such as her fight with Qrow because he called Ironwood and the Atlas military “sellouts”, she will take it personally and lose her temper because she owes everything to Ironwood and the military.

Weiss is the one with the most affected character because of her status as one of the protagonist. Taking into account all of the material surrounding her backstory, Weiss, like Winter, was treated more as an object or commodity by Jacques, something that he could force to do whatever he pleased. It’s shown in the Mirror Mirror manga where he pushed her to sing at concerts at a young age, even to the point where Weiss was exhausted. When Winter stepped in and told Weiss to rest, Jacques took that as a slight against him and berated Winter viciously, lecturing her on upholding the Schnee name. He cares more about the name than his daughter’s health.

Even in her debut trailer,Weiss had to fight and be disfigured before Jacques allowed her to go to Beacon instead of Atlas. The permanent reminder of that constantly on her face. Even when Weiss finally managed to get to Beacon, Jacques constantly rang hr in an attempt to keep in touch with her, trying to uphold that small amount of power he had with Weiss in another continent. Trying to leave an abuser is incredibly difficult if you still have contact with them, even if it’s something as small as phone calls.

When she didn’t do what he wanted and answer his calls, that same financial abuse that Winter was subjected to happened again, and it’s obviously embarrassing to Weiss that she can’t even afford a meal now and has to rely on friends. That attempt to isolate her through embarrassment is just another effect from Jacques’ decision to cut Weiss off. When she becomes more rebellious and mouths back to him, as well as calling everyone out at the party in Volume 4, Jacques couldn’t handle this kind of rebellion like a narcissist would.

To him, Weiss is being unreasonable and he had given her everything she could ever want, so at this point he would simply take it all away. He can’t handle shame and seems to hold the Schnee name up, despite marrying into it, and when Weiss points this out he finally delves into physical abuse by slapping her. Given her shocked reaction to this, I don’t think she expected him to hit her, pointing that Jacques usually went for more emotional manipulation to keep them in line.

Finally, his abuse of Whitley has pushed his son in the complete opposite direction to his sister. As the youngest and unable to leave through the same way his siblings did, either joining the Academy or the military, Whitley spent his time in the manor with Jacques completely alone and isolated. So, in a desperate attempt to handle this pressure, he’s simply buckled under Jacques’ thumb and does whatever he can to appease his father, just because he’s seen what happens if he rebels like Weiss and Winter did.

Another note is that Whitley was 5/6 when Jacques’ true reasons for marrying Willow came out. After that Willow stopped being much of a part in her children’s lives, so much so that she’s constantly sitting in the gardens getting drunk. Because of that young age, Whitley never had any solid memories of a time where Willow was a more active and caring mother, unlike Winter and Weiss. While it can hurt to remember how someone used to be when they’ve fallen so far, they at least have those memories to hold onto. Whitley doesn’t, and that likely adds more into his isolation.

It seems however, that to a worryingly large amount of the FNDM, that Whitley’s abuse is swept under the rug and not talked about as much as Weiss and Winter’s, some even making him out to be the villain. The only thing that Whitley is guilty of is his poor attitude, and that alone doesn’t constitute to him being a villain or needing redemption. He wasn’t responsible for Weiss being disinherited, and his words to Weiss afterwards just tells us how much Jacques is getting to him.

If he doesn’t go against his father, he’s rewarded, but if he behaves like Weiss and Winter, then he too will be punished. An abuse victim still trapped in their home will do whatever they can to survive, and unfortunately for Weiss, Whitley doesn’t have the same escape options that she does or the connections outside of the family.

Marcus & Mercury

There isn’t any onscreen time where we witness this abuse firsthand, but the effects of Marcus’ brutal treatment on Mercury is prevalent even after he killed his father. Mercury has been impacted severely both emotionally and physically.

Having been installed to be an unfeeling assassin by Marcus, showing any sort of emotional vulnerability is impossible for Mercury, and the one time he does talk about the things he went through to Emerald, he does so in his own way and reacts very badly when Tyrian reveals to be listening in to his troubled past. Even going to the point where he tries to attack Tyrian because he wasn’t taught how to handle his emotions in a healthy way.

He shows little sympathy for Emerald’s confusion and fear over not knowing what is right, but that’s not to say that Mercury doesn’t care at all. It’s likely that Marcus’ told him that, as well as relying on his semblance, feeling normal emotions like fear, empathy and love is weakness, and even likely beaten it out of Mercury. This leads a very emotionally disturbed teenager.

Now with the physical part we get some very disturbing reminders of what Mercury went through with his father. The first thing is that the fight between them ended up costing Mercury his legs, forcing him to wear prosthetics. That’s a very much blatant reminder of how far Marcus went, and not only will Mercury have to wear prosthetics for the rest of his life, but the pain both physically and mentally from the action will always stick with him.

The second part is even worse. Marcus practically took Mercury’s semblance, something that’s considered the very essence by the characters in RWBY, and Mercury canonically sees this as his father defiling him. Mercury is constantly reminded that he will never get his semblance back, unlike Jaune and Roman who simply didn’t unlock theirs, and pushed him to work harder than anyone else to get where he is. Both of these physical injuries serves to tell the audience just how much Marcus’ abuse of Mercury not only remain, but stick to him as well.

Cinder & Emerald

Similar to Jacques with his children, Cinder is shown to not really care about Emerald outside of her Semblance, in fact only taking Emerald into the group because she was useful to Cinder’s plan. She plays on Emerald’s past as a street orphan by promising companionship and never having to go hungry again, something that Emerald desperately craved.

The main aspect to this relationship that makes it interesting is that, as of this time, it’s still an abusive relationship that the victim is in and wants to stay in. Emerald deeply cares about Cinder, and going off Mercury’s observation, sees her as the mother figure she never had. This devotion Emerald has runs so deep that she doesn’t ever question how Cinder treats her and reacts violently when Mercury straight up tells her that Cinder doesn’t care about either of them.

It’s at the point where Emerald doesn’t even consider her relationship with Cinder toxic. Everyone else knows that their relationship with their abuser in question was at least not good, even Blake in the early volumes because she knew that she had to get away from him despite her still coming to terms with it all. Emerald, however, is portrayed as the victim that doesn’t even think of themselves as a victim.

It reminds me of a video I watched recently. Here’s the link for anyone to watch, but it basically explains the type of abuse that doesn’t actually get shown all that much in media. Most abusive relationships portrayed have the abuser as a sadistic villain who abuses their victim because it brings them joy, and the victim knows that they’re being abused but are too scared to leave. It can be how the relationship is towards the end, but hardly any abusive relationship in real life are like that.

Cinder doesn’t accept any rebellion from Emerald. Like Jacques, she slaps Emerald and tells her to remember her place when she simply told Cinder that they didn’t need Mercury. To her, anything that Emerald says that isn’t her submissively accepting Cinder’s rule is something that needs to be snuffed out, even with physical abuse if needed.

While Mercury works for Cinder as well, this abusive relationship doesn’t affect him like it does Emerald, mostly because he isn’t in a delusioned mindset where he believes Cinder actually cares and he doesn’t need anything that Cinder can give to him. Their relationship seems strictly professional, Cinder needed an assassin and Mercury had the skills to do the job, as well as his underlying fear of what’s beyond his life that was forced on him. To Mercury, there is no need of approval or companionship from Cinder that Emerald wants.

Salem & Ozpin

This is the relationship that mirrors so much to the abusive relationship between Adam and Blake, and yet it weirdly doesn’t get much screen time pointing out how toxic it was, rather spending time portraying Salem’s backstory and Start to Darkness. Seeing how Ozpin was treated by his wife is pretty much ignored not only by the cast but also the FNDM, with some people even going as far as to deny that it was even abusive to begin with.

Even before she threw herself into the Grimm pools, Salem was not a good person. After Ozma died, she went to demand that the Gods brought him back, not thinking for a moment about what Ozma himself wanted, and when the Gods constantly brought him back to life and killed him over and over again, Salem is not angry at that. She only fights against them when the God of Darkness took Ozma away from her again, demanding that they give him back. It shows Salem to actually be pretty selfish and unable to comprehend that what she wants may not be what’s actually best.

The good thing about this is that the story explains why Salem is like that. She’s not selfish to be selfish, she was sheltered away in a tower for all her life and as a result, was never taught proper coping mechanisms when she inevitably faces death, loss and grief. Not only that, the Gods’ behaviour towards her did not help matters. Rather than actually caring that she was hurting and help Salem, they treated her very much like a child throwing a tantrum and punished her in the cruelest way they could.

The thing is that this selfishness carries on after she and Ozma reunite. She canonically manipulated Ozma into acting like gods to lord over the new humanity, and when he started showing doubt she turned the blame on him by saying that he wanted it. Even when Ozma, who is derailed by the show and fans for keeping secrets, comes completely clean to Salem, she does not extend that courtesy and keeps what happened with the Gods a secret from him.

Eventually, when Ozma no longer wants to be a part of her plan or let her use their daughters to remake the world in her image, she attacks him and kills their own children. Salem shows no remorse for this, she knew that her children were there long before she attacks and she does so anyway. This just shows how little she cares about her own husband and children if they don’t toe the line with her. It even extends to her blaming Ozma for the fighting by telling him that they finally had freedom, seemingly holding resentment that Ozma didn’t want to be with her. After that, she burns Ozma alive.

The whole war between her and Ozma, even to her admission, is her want to watch everything that Ozma worked for burned to the ground. The only thing fueling Salem at this point is spite, just like what was fueling Adam after Blake left him and the White Fang. To her, Ozma has thrown away everything she worked hard for and that selfishness and inability to comprehend others’ viewpoints come into play.

Over the thousands of years after that fight, she does everything in her power to further terrorize Ozma. She turns his allies against him, she has her minions destroy his school and kill his Huntsmen, and in her song Divide, it’s basically a song gaslighting Ozma with Salem blaming him for everyone dying and saying that their blood is on his hands. There is no difference between that and Adam’s line “Why must you hurt me, Blake?” after he dismembered Yang. It’s classical abusive move of having the victim blame themselves for things that weren’t their fault.

Just like Blake, Ozpin is clearly affected by this abuse under Salem. He can no longer trust people, and he even goes as far as to blame himself for everything that goes wrong even when it’s not his fault, just like Blake does. He has such a low view of himself that he admits he’s made more mistakes than any man, woman or child on the planet, and the show at this point hasn’t had Ozma begin to talk to anyone about this even after Team RWBY saw what his life with Salem was like.

I certainly hope he gets the support he desperately needs in the upcoming volumes, because the writing regarding everyone dealing with this knowledge is questionable at the moment.

Salem & her followers

Just like with Ozma, Salem is canonically manipulative with both the show supporting this and the writers in the Volume 6 commentary. She is especially harsh with Cinder and Tyrian, given that she spends the most time with them in Volume 4 especially, and you can see how differently the two react when around her.

Tyrian is utterly devoted to Salem, putting her up on a pedestal as a goddess, and Salem isn’t afraid to use this devotion against him in cruel ways. She dangles hope in front of him when contemplating over his failure in capturing Ruby, even though he stung Qrow who was by rights and purposes, going to die. However, when Tyrian seems more hopeful that he’s pleased her, Salem snatches that glimmer away and leaves him to have a mental breakdown.

Cinder on the other hand is completely quiet, and even when she can talk again, doesn’t have her attitude from the volumes before. When Salem snaps at her while training, Cinder visibly cringes. It’s pretty clear from her character and mentality that Cinder was someone who was so devalued and powerless in the past that she is willing to do anything not to be put in that situation again, even put up with Salem’s treatment of her.

Just like Salem, Cinder had become a victim of the cycle of abuse, and while Salem is no longer a victim, Cinder has swapped one likely abusive situation for another one. It even carries on into Volume 6, where Salem treats Cinder being outcasted from the group like a child being put in time out. It’s very infantalising and mentally damaging to Cinder, but Salem seems to treat it as adequate punishment for Cinder failing her. No matter what one feels about Cinder, no one deserves to be abused.

Despite their less screen time together, Salem’s behaviour even extends to the other members of her group. She physically assaults Hazel after the failure at Haven for simply accepting the blame, and shows little care for Tyrian getting caught by the table when she threw it. Given that the writers confirmed that she has a different way to getting to each member to do what she wants, and we’ve seen that she uses Tyrian’s devotion against him, it’s not a big stretch to assume she uses more physical means when Hazel eventually does cross her.

Her way of getting to Emerald is even through fear. She’s made Emerald so afraid of what she could do to her that even just asking has Emerald quickly giving up someone she cares about deeply, and that kind of emotional manipulation is a classic abuser tactic.

Blake & Sun

Now this one has raised probably the most controversy in the FNDM, and I can see why. No, the relationship between Sun and Blake is not inherently abusive, nor is it any way evidence that Blake is an abuser on level with anyone else that is mentioned in this post. She’s not malicious or hurting Sun because of some slight against her, even though that’s not the only type of abuser and we’ll go into further detail in a moment.

The problem is that her behaviour towards Sun during Volume 4 is abusive, and it’s the worst written abuse in the entire show in my opinion.

The main thing that makes me say that is I’m not even sure if the writers intended to make these moments in Volume 4 abusive, but whether they intended for it or not doesn’t negate the fact that these scenes very much read that way, and it makes me uncomfortable to watch through even to this day. It’s not even just one fight where things got so heated that Blake lashed out, it happened multiple times over the course of the volume.

The first time is the boat. Sun was in the wrong for following after Blake like he did while she was still reeling from her trauma at Beacon, but that did not mean she was in the right to slap him across the face and then slap his hand away later on in the boat. She wasn’t in danger, Sun wasn’t threatening her and they weren’t even arguing, Sun was happy that they just survived a Grimm attack. Blake had a right to feel scared and angry that Sun basically followed her without her knowing, but that does not give her the right to lay her hands on him.

The show does this worse by playing it off as comedy. RWBY has a problem with playing some scenes for comedy when the exact same thing happening to a different character is framed as dramatic. Most slapstick comedy is scenes like Ruby and Yang fighting in the room in Volume 1 just before their exam, or Winter smacking Weiss on the head because she was rambling about things that she didn’t ask about. Blake hitting Sun here is not slapstick, but it’s played as such and that makes me very uncomfortable.

The next one is probably the worst offender of the bunch; the argument on the balcony. Once again, Sun was in the wrong for intruding on an intimate moment between Blake and her father, someone she hadn’t talked to in five years and thought that he hated her, but it wasn’t any malicious reason for Sun doing it. He had information about the White Fang that was urgent for Blake to know, because as he said, the White Fang would still go for her even if she didn’t go after them.

Should he have waited? Yep. Does that mean Blake was in the right for slapping him in the face twice? Nope.

On top of that, she goes one step further and breaks his phone when he tries to show her a photo of the White Fang member he found in Menagerie. She threw it off the balcony.

And the last scene is when Sun wakes up from being unconscious. He almost died, and yet Blake sits there and immediately goes on about herself and why she constantly runs away. It’s not bad for her to explain to Sun why she ran away, but the problem is that she doesn’t even bother to ask him if he was alright or at least tell him where he was before going into her rant about her friends getting hurt about her. The other problem is that we already know why she ran away, it’s all she ever talks about. She ran away so that her friends wouldn’t get hurt, she ran away because she believes it’s better to be alone, she ran away to think for a while after the Fall of Beacon.

Her whole speech in this scene gives us no new information and comes at the cost of portraying Blake as a very unsympathetic person. Even when Sun tries to comfort her despite being injured, she tells him to shut up and shouts at him. She towers over him aggressively with her hands balled up into fists, and you can clearly see Sun flinches now because Blake has made it clear to him that when she’s upset or angry she hits him.

And just like Salem, Blake’s behaviour makes sense. She’s stressed and scared and likely feels just as alone as she did when she first left the White Fang and Adam, only now she knows that Adam is explicitly coming after her and everyone she loves. Her past abuse at a young age means that Blake likely doesn’t understand how to healthily deal with negative emotions while in a relationship, something that Miles pointed out.

And even then, Blake is not inherently abusive. Her behaviour in Volume 5 has her and Sun’s relationship much more mutually respected and healthy. Even when she was frustrated she no longer took it out on him, and it’s good to see that after the mess that was Volume 4, but it’s how it’s handled that still bothers me.

Blake never learns that she shouldn’t be treating Sun like that. She’s called out by Sun for pushing her friends out and to let them help, but that’s not pointing out that she’s copying Adam’s own behaviours. It would’ve actually been a good and realistic arc given that it’s called the cycle of abuse for a reason. Blake realizing that she’s doing to Sun what Adam was doing to her and actively making the choice to do better, not having someone just tell her, would have been interesting to watch compared to what we got.

I feel like the FNDM can’t see this as abuse because Blake isn’t like the other abusers that we get in RWBY, and outside of Volume 4 her behaviour is not abusive to anyone. Even then, it’s understandable why she acts that way but that doesn’t mean how she acted can just be swept under the rug by both show and FNDM. It’s an ugly part of her character that should be acknowledged, and just because it happened doesn’t make her this evil being. Abusers can learn, and they can most certainly change, and that’s what Blake did.

I just wish the writers did it better.

So that’s it for all the abusers and their writing in RWBY. Overall? The writers certainly can handle this topic with the care and dedication it needs, and I’m actually happy with what we were given. Unfortunately, the ones that they did stumble one are pretty egregious and just leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth regarding those characters.

All I have to say is that abuse can come from different sources, and that media could do well with showing this difference. Abusers are often portrayed as one-dimensional bullies that torture their victims for laughs, while this is far from the truth and leaves people with a twisted version of what an abuser is, but I don’t think RWBY does that. Even when they stumble, they’ve written characters out to be just that; characters. Although we have more stereotypical abusers like Jacques, we also have those who come from pretty sympathetic backstories, even though we know that it doesn’t excuse their actions, such as Adam and Salem.

And really that’s the message I hope people do learn and use it to protect themselves with. You are hardly ever going to find someone who is so obviously an abuser; what makes them so terrifying is just how human they can be, and that sometimes they even have this twisted sense of love and reasoning over abusing their victims. Rarely it’ll be for sadistic reasons, but rather that they’re protecting their loved ones or that because they help in the victim’s dreams or goals that it makes their treatment of the victim okay, but it never is.

No one deserves to be hit, or made to feel like trash, or have their possessions broken. Everyone deserves love and companionship. Either way, thank you all for reading!

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 4 years ago

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Give them what they want ch. 4

"Rajah can be base!" Fahran crowed as he grabbed the pet tiger's tale.

It was the final day of vacation before heading back to Auradon Prep, and Jordan was spending it to play tag with Aladdin and Jasmine's youngest children, 7 year old Asha and 5 year old Fahran. Not that there was much to do with the eldest, Zahrat Alquamar and her husband going cradle shopping while Aziz, Cassima, and Jay practicing R.O.A.R. moves.

But it was nice, after all the kids were adorable and all the work of keeping them out of trouble kept her mind off things for awhile.

She felt that everything was so hopeless whereas her love life was concerned, and she couldn't think of what to do. She searched any information she could on the Internet. But sites devoted to specific genie love problems were nonexistent. Which was only proving her idea that maybe she would never find love. She was never meant to.

So she tried to go on with her life and take breaks to reflect on her self worth by listening to her soundtrack of heartbreak an despair.

She had thought of asking her parents about it, but quickly discarded the idea. Genie and Eden, helpful advice. Never went well. Parenting was not their strong suit at all. They had gotten a bit restless with all the changing diapers and catering to needs and paying attention. There was a whole new world to explore, parties to start and having fun with their newfound freedom. So they turned over their parenting duties to Aladdin and Jasmine from 3 years old on. While she still visited them and spent vacations, the majority of the time, she called Jasmine and Aladdin her parents.

She had been bitter about it. But she understood that it was better she had been raised by Jasmine and Aladdin. They were dependable, they cared about her grades at school, and social life, and were the best people to call in a stressed situation. No where near as flighty, oblivious, or forgetful as her biological ones.

Okay, maybe she was still a little bitter about the abandonment.

She had asked advice from them before, specifically on how to deal with her love life and her friends using her. All she got was that in a few years, give it a couple of centuries or so, she'll find someone. Play along with it. If you really wanna forget your troubles, have some wine.

They never really felt the pain of being used. All they had were masters, they expected to give wishes, if they happened t find love, bonus. It never really bothered them because they had lived for years in a world where people didn't value them for their personalities.

Auradon was SUPPOSE to care for people for their individuality and inner beauty. If only, she could find someone that had that same idea when dating her.

"How about the fountain as base?" Jordan suggested as she gently pried Fahran's hand from his death grip on the tail. "The fountain doesn't feel pain if you jump on it too hard." As if agreeing with Jordan's statement, Rajah yanked his tail away, swatting Fahran on the cheek as he did so.

"Jordan just the person I wanted to see." Jasmine called as she and Aladdin walked out to the courtyard.

"Uh yes?" Jordan moved away to the garden path Jasmine was walking on while Aladdin went off to play with the kids.

Jasmine leaned closer to her, "Aziz told me about Pierce." When Jordan didn't answer, she continued talking with a low, calm voice, "He told me the same day you told him. I was hoping you would come to me on your own during this vacation, but since tomorrow you're leaving again, I wanted to bring it up."

Jordan felt her stomach sink. She had so much wanted to ignore the event that had happened.

"When Aziz told you about Pierce, did he tell you, how I told him that I would deal with it? That I was over it." Jordan said

"I know you don't like talking about it..." Jasmine said softly, "But I wasn't going to suggest that. I just wanted to know if you wanted me to do something with the administration. Maybe take a few days off. I know it hurts since you were telling me how.. How great he was when you were dating."

Jordan couldn't help but think of lyrics from her soundtrack of heartbreak and despair. "I loved him but only on my own."

"It's okay mom. I've been dating other people." Jordan tried to plaster a smile on her face but Jasmine's thoughtful, knowing look made her drop it.

"Which hasn't ended well. Jay told me about the limo turned python. He was impressed."

Dina had been furious with Jordan replacing the limo with a python, but hadn't reported her use of magic. Although it was against the ban for Jordan to use her magic, it had been against the Anti-Magic Ban for Dina to wish for it in the first place. So tough for her.

"Am I getting punished for that?" Jordan sighed

"No, I can imagine why you decided to do that if she had wished for that limo in the first place. Right now, I want to talk about Pierce." Jasmine answered.

"I can't do anything about that. People date me for their reasons to date me." Jordan replied.

"When it comes to me, their kisses come free but they never give all the heart."

"You can do something about Pierce." Jasmine said. "He should not be allowed at that school. Taking advantage of your magic like that. Allah, forbid that he wants seconds. You don't have to say anything, I will do the talking."

"No, Mom" Jordan grabbed her shoulder, stopping Jasmine mid-rant. "I would have done it myself. But seriously, I don't care what happened to me. It doesn't matter. It's only going to happen again."

"Not if I report him." Jasmine answered stonily, "I'm more than willing to press charges."

"Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn. But that wouldn't change the fact, that wouldn't speed the time. Once the foundation's cracked, and I'm still hurting."

"Not just him. From anyone. If one person can wish that, another person can. They already did." Jordan whispered, remembering the first time that event had happened. "Relationships, strangers. It's happened centuries before, and I'll have to deal with it in the future. After all, I'm a genie. People expect me to give them pleasure..."

Jasmine took a hard look at Jordan, maving her stare directly into her eyes. "I do NOT want to hear that explanation ever again. That is asinine and I will not have it. Just because you are a genie, that is no reason to allow them to abuse you or take advantage of you or rape you. You are a person as anyone else. The idea that you are "meant" to do it means nothing. You do not have a master,you are no one's genie, and you never will. "

"The world has no right to my heart, the world has no place in my bed"

Jordan wanted to cry into Jasmine's chest like she used to do when she was younger and had nightmares about those situations. "I still can't do anything though. I..you see. Pierce's third wish was that no one could get revenge on him for this. Not by physical means or through reputation. Even if you put a report, it wouldn't go through or maybe backfire. Belive me, I tried to throw a case at him and it only hit me."

Jasmine's face transformed from righteous fury to pained understanding. It only made Jordan feel worse to see it. Jasmine, her adoptive mother cared so much for her well-being. And here, she had gotten raped and she was helpless to get justice or find closure in some way.

"Mom.." Jordan ventured to tell what had been haunting her thoughts lately, "All people want from me are wishes."

"I don't. None of your family does." Jasmine inturrupted.

"But what about everyone else do. They dump me if I don't. And so far no one has dated me for any other reason, and it's been like this for years. I was wondering if anyone ever would. No one, no one cares for me otherwise.."

"They see me for what I am. Which is a horrible, stupid, dumb and ugly, fat, and stupid, simple, self-hating bitch."

"There are people who care more than about wishes." Jasmine insisted. Jordan thought of Calix, but he didn't see her in that way. Her family didn't see her that way for obvious reasons. Her parents would never but...they had left her. Her stomachs felt hollow as she had a sudden gripping fear that her relationship with the rest of her adoptive family might change. Her parents obviously thought she was a handful and gave her to someone else.

"When you once unafraid wore your heart on your sleeve, and the ones that you loved, chose to just turn and leave."

Jordan straightened her back and took a deep breath, "You're right, Mom." She said quickly, "Thank you for the talk. I better pack up before going." She gave a brief hug and speed walked to the palace. The next day, she avoided any further conversation than the goodbyes and was soon off to Auradon.

Her thoughts swirled around desperately, as she imagined what she would be left without her adoptive family. The inevitable day that they died and she was still living or worse, they see her as everyone else does and reject her.

She wanted assurance but didn't want to broach the subject with anyone. What if she brought it up, and with some thinking they do realize her bad points if they hadn't already.

"Only when you're left alone does it get sad."

At first it seemed irrational but the more she thought, the more it made sense. Clearly something was wrong with her. Why else would everyone leave her? She had to be good. She had to be perfect and nice and do everything they wanted. Say anything they wanted to hear. Be anything they wanted. Anything to keep them from leaving her. She had to give them everything they could want from her.

"Cause everybody, they love a winner. So nobody love me. Lady peaceful, Lady happy. That's what I long to be. All the odds are, they're in my favor, Something's bound to begin. It's gonna happen, happen sometime. Maybe this time, maybe this time I'll win!"

Author's Note: And it slowly comes back to the title.

So yet another chapter in this story has been completed. Whew. Things are still going down from here. Don't know when I'll update but the movie is coming! Woo!

Anyway some miscellaneous notes.

Zahrat Alquamar means Moonflower in Arabic. I thought it would be nice, since Yasmin would be so unoriginal.

Cassim was the name of Aladdin's dad so that is where Cassima comes from.

Eden was Genie's girlfriend in the Aladdin series. Until proof is shown, I firmly believe that Eden is his wife and Jordan's mom.

So soundtrack of heartbreak and despair songs,

"I loved him, but only on my own" ~On my own (Les Miserables)

"When it comes to me, their kisses come free but they never give all the heart" ~Never give all the heart (Smash)

"Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn, but that wouldn't change the fact. That wouldn't speed the time. Once the foundation's cracked and I'm still hurting." ~Still hurting (The Last Five Years)

"The world has no right to my heart, the world has no place in my bed" ~Burn (Hamilton)

"They see me for what I am. Which is a horrible, stupid, dumb and ugly, fat and stupid, simple, self hating bitch." ~You, Stupid Bitch (Crazy Ex Girlfriend)

"When you once unafraid wore your heart on your sleeve, and the ones that you love chose to just turn and leave." ~Safer (First Date)

"Only when you're left alone does it get sad." ~Dying ain't so bad (Bonnie and Clyde)

All grammatical and spelling mistakes are mine. Sometimes Autocorrect, depending how ridiculous it is.

#disney descendants #jasmine #aladdin #prince aziz #jordan #my fanfic #my fanfiction #give them what they want #chapter four

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 5 years ago

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Okay, so let me take this back to a week or two ago.

I owe one of my roommates 1200 dollars. My rent is 800 bills included. I make ten dollars over what counts for me getting no food stamps of financial assistance. I kept going to this job, because i was hoping that an opening would soon happen for me to get a job that i had before the closure of the other location. The explanation of this, in order to make it remotely interesting, would be a story in and of itself and would take too long.

I have had a rough go of it. I fell back into an eating disorder this winter, i went to home feeling sick and cold and heartbroken. Every night. I was completely isolated, i never went to anyone's house, i stopped even seeing a future for myself. the best days i had were ones where i would walk around the mall and stare at clothing i couldn't afford. Because the guy i was in love with randomly flipped on me one morning and told me to leave. I felt completely used, and gross about myself, and i just stopped eating. My bus home always took an hour and a half, i was shaking starving and so fucking poor that even if i wanted to eat more i couldn't afford it. I wanted to cry on the bus after work every night, but i forced myself to choke it down. I listened to last podcast on the left constantly to entertain myself. I texted him even though he had hurt me, and he ran back and apologized after, but somehow it was never the same. I'm not even mad. It just wasn't the same.

Anyway, i snapped about three weeks ago. I woke up, did my budget, and realize the reason i was having such a hard time was that i was literally not making enough money. Everything was about suppression and reduction of needs, to the point where i had very few enjoyments, and i was becoming so lonely i was becoming neurotic. And the more neurotic and lonely i became, i feel like the less people would want to hang out with me. After awhile, any attention i got from this guy was better than nothing. If i didn't have someone that paid some attention to me i was losing my will to even get up in the morning. Because what is the point of getting up for nothing, to do another day that makes you sad, with no purpose or friends? I felt like i was withering away, and nobody would even notice when i was finally just gone. I mean, maybe that is for the best, but i don't know. I feel like the initial love i poured into coming to this city has become dark and uncertain, and i miss the early days a lot. I feel like i am always chasing a feeling, that i am whatever chemical combination is hitting my neurotransmitters.

I made the decision to find a better job, realizing I wasn't going to get out of this mess unless i had money to at least rid myself of the basic and constant fear of not having enough. I'm tired of being in debt. So, i kinda did that. I ended up getting offered this job, and i just let myself run around with my money moreso, for the last few weeks with the mindset that i would have at least seven hundred more a month. I stopped dieting (unfortunately gaining back some weight). It's not that i don't need to diet, but i need something to distract myself if i am going to run around shaking with hunger all the time. I can't live on self hatred, at least not for too long.

Then, the covid 19 virus just started spreading, and at first it was nothing, but then i kind of turned into this thing where sickly people are going down in numbers. And now nobody is going to hire me because all restaurants are closed and the economy fell apart and everyone is pretty scared, i got laid off from the place i work at now, which i feel like it's not even going to reopen at this point. Thousands of workers in the city just like me now have no way to pay their rent, meanwhile the hospitals will likely continue to fill with patients, and grocery stores are half empty, and this is just a small taste of what the future likely holds. So even when this virus comes and goes and does it's damage, i think things like this are just going to keep happening. And rich people will be fine, but poor people won't be. I mean, funny memes aside. Our entire economic system and healthcare system and so many things are going to collapse in my lifetime, it seems futile to even try to make it now. I know that sounds really pesimistic.

The last few weeks i have been meeting him in secret, but he's not really cuddly like before, and he seems like he wants me to be gone when he's done with me, and he dotes on his other friends and I just feel very taken for granted and when we are with our friends who aren't supposed to know, i just don't feel like someone he's that excited to be around. And he seems to engage in conversation, but with me he just kind of talks over me to imply i am dumb, and i get tired of that. Honestly, there is nothing endearing about it. It's insulting and tiring and i am so deeply worried about the world around me, that even my own heartbreak seems like nothing. I am genuinely very scared about the state of the world, and even an idea relationship would not save me from this. Like, yeah, i feel really used and hurt, but also we are losing animal species and the ocean is polluted and there is a pandemic, and overpopulation in certain areas of the world that are going to be swallowed by global warming. Sometimes this train of thought takes me into an entire three sixty because i wonder if it isn't just best to enjoy every person and experience for what it is because my life might not give me that much to look forward to in the future, and there is only so much i can do to fix the world or the people in it. Do i really want to put my foot down and tell him i don't want to see him anymore, when he's the only person i have, and i know too that he struggles with addiction?

Furthermore, my brother panicked and lost his mind and went on attack towards my sister who he was living with, and now he's moving back with my abusive parents. That's a whole story in and of itself. And that is that. I won't be seeing him anymore. He was so scared about economic and societal collapse. And then my workplace wrote me and said they don't have money to even give me my last paycheck, and i am lucky that my old dad is working overtime at the factory to send me money. Honestly, i was panicked before, but now i just feel resigned and afraid. It helps that there is no way i can get evicted right now, but at this point i just have a bad feeling that things are just going to keep getting worse.

I feel like poor people are being spread too thin, and it's going to eventually create a sense of rage. It's been happening for a long time. They just keep cutting programs, or making it harder to afford rent, or go to school. For instance, i have a friend who is an ambulance driver. He makes twelve dollars an hour, he's literally scraped up dead children off the side of the road, but he doesn't get free healthcare. If he ends up on the other end of his ambulance van he's fucked. It's stuff like this that is unbelievable. You'd think someone with his job of all people would be more than entitled to free healthcare, not that we all don't, but like, it might come with some benefits given he works in the industry and the level of seriousness his job entails. But there aren't any. And truly, he doesn't even make as much hourly as someone who works in a restaurant. It's nonsense. And it's accepted. And we need ambulance drivers.

Anyway, there is a lot that branches off. I don't know what direction i should go in, the mental health aspect of myself, or my family dynamics, the economy, the healthcare industry, my personal strifes, my conflicting relationship stuff, or what the future holds. All i can say is i feel terribly alone and terribly scared and it's hard to articulate it or feel grounded in myself at all. Sometimes it's like a numbness that tells you to keep pushing forward because it's the routine and it's supposed to lead to somewhere, right? I feel like in the last year, i am learning how to put my foot down and say no. I am learning to love people and know i am not loved back, and not even care anymore. I am also exhausted. When i am not around people, i fall asleep. A mysterious exhaustion i have never had before has taken over and i really just want to sleep for days and days straight, and some little part of me just wonders if it wouldn't be better if i didn't wake up again. I am not suicidal, but what's the point?

And I guess lastly, who am I to even complain? So many people have had it worse and now everyone is falling apart and struggling around me, so I am nothing special. It’s just hard to know what to do right now. There seems to be no distraction from the nothingness of it all.

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janiedean · 5 years ago

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I really, really love your metas! In "Why a Jaime/Brienne Endgame in the Books Makes More Sense Than One Might Think, Based on Previous Works of GRRM's" you wrote, that you have endless reasons to assume that both, J and B, will survive the whole series - can you please name some? Aside from this mentioned meta I've only read an explantion of the weirwood dream, which can be interpreted in both ways. Or can you link a good meta that explains other reasons? Thank you very much!

hey!

first of all thank you so much, glad that you appreciate my rants. ;) that said, sure I can go in-depth. in order (btw @ginmo has written also some excellent meta about this, just check on her blog), and also counting the weirwood dream which I’ve ranted on at length in that specific meta:

now, the first thing is how grrm strategically placed these two in the narrative, in the sense that:

brienne has spent her life being passed for a joke and she desperately wants for someone to see her worth as a person and she’d about kill herself for the people who manage to get as far as to gain her trust/love, jaime has spent his life loving people without getting much in return and with that trust being used/abused/thrown away and everyone taking it for granted... and we’re assuming they’re not set up to be together when as stated grrm has written them as romantic from the first moment?

(also, jaime’s entire first chapter in asos is basically ‘I find brienne attractive but since I never considered that I could be attracted to anyone but cersei I can’t understand I’m attracted to her so I’ll stare at her and think she’s ugly all along even if I really am attracted to her. brienne’s issues are also rooted in the fact that no one sees her as attractive. jaime does. hmmm?)

both of them start from a miserable situation from which they’re finding their own way up, not down - jaime is more obvious but brienne is too because she starts at the point where she’s so starved for recognition she would die for someone who just was nice to her but didn’t really gaf about her and now she’s... well, becoming a knight because sure af that is happening, I’m sticking with the theory that the knighting is book canon too -, and if they both end up miserable or one of them does it doesn’t work;

both of their chapters have heavy foreshadowing concerning possible marriage/having children/finding love - jaime wants to father his kids and at some point resents that other men are husbands and fathers but not him because he was always the warrior and he doesn’t say it happily, brienne is half-glad her first betrothed died because she thinks she’s not suited to typical feminine things/to fit into a woman’s role in society but she’s also sad at thinking she will never have children, these two are going to get together very soon, and I’m supposed to think they’re set up for failure? k but I can respectfully disagree;

also, this goes back to that meta I wrote in which I said that grrm does not do grim for grim’s sake and he’s actually way less cruel than it seems, likes a good love story and has more than once finished his other books with satisfying resolutions to that kind of storyline, but adding to that: in comparison to whatever calvinist crap message hbo wanted to send, I have to inform y’all that grrm is a currently agnostic lapsed catholic and it’s exceedingly clear in the way he explores/deals with redemptive themes.

now, let me break the jb narrative for a moment to inform you of a few things that as an atheist born and raised in a 99% catholic country whose literature’s funding works are heavily based on catholic themes/on stories rooted in catholicism:

the ‘you need to die to be redeemed’ narrative is 100% bullshit according to catholic morals and on top of that it’s opened to anyone at any time;

like, the basic distinction between catholic and calvinist approaches to the topic (and I can’t believe I’m defending catholicism but nvm that) is that calvinism preys on a narrative where your negative qualities define you and you cannot escape them (which is because calvinism accepts predestination ie the idea that seeing your lot in life you can deduce if you’ll go to heaven or hell, so if you’re poor/unsuccessful/you committed mistakes/a crime and so on you’re not redeemable and it’s proof you’re damned) and that meant that in societies with calvinist background the death = redemption narrative is extremely popular because it’s seen as ‘hey this person is wretched and they suck so they couldn’t have lived anyway and they did something good with it for once and it’s the best they could hope for’. catholicism, at the contrary, works on the basis that as we all have free will we can change for the better and if you repent for your sins/past wrongdoings/mistakes then that’s enough to be redeemed and if you do it on your deathbed.... you can still go to heaven, you’ll just have to atone for your wrongdoings (that’s the entire point of purgatory’s existence ie making people who repented near death or too late to gain heaven atone for their sins before they can enter heaven). and the moment you repent then you’re free to start your new life and do better and gain your place in heaven, which you’ll obtain in virtue of having turned a new leaf;

(again: not to be that person, but in luke’s gospel one of the two thieves crucified with him is like ‘can you save us since you’re the son of god’, the other thief is like ‘please he has done nothing and we have sinned we don’t deserve to be saved just please remember us when you go back to your father’ and jesus tells the second thief I won’t need to remember you because you’ll sit at my right. also, in dante’s divine comedy there’s a guy who had been excommunicated in the middle ages waiting to get into purgatory for having repented on his deathbed and in manzoni’s the betrothed ie italy’s funding novel the character who’s objectively better written is a dude so heinous for his crimes that he’s called THE UNNAMED and the moment this guy gets doubts and wonders if there’s any hope for him left the local arcibishop leaves everything saying that the moment someone like that is in need then they’re more important than his own parish, goes to receive unnamed guy, tells him that just wanting to be better is enough as far as god is concerned and he’s saved as far as he cares. like, as much as catholicism sucks for the entire rest of it and for how much the catholic church is the worst ideologically the fact that everyone can be redeemed is the basic staple of the entire thing.)

now, given the ^^^, this is where I tell you that most lapsed catholics/people who left catholicism for whichever reasons usually grew up catholic and if you grow up catholic you spend your first twelve years in church at least and if your parents/people around you are also catholic you will absorb it, good and bad, so if grrm grew up catholic, he grew up with that background. (I could again rant for hours about how atheist writers who grew up catholic differ from atheist writers who grew up protestant/calvinist because if you compare grrm and idk kurt vonnegut it’s glaring but this isn’t the place for it so nvm let’s go on)

now that I’ve told you this, I’ll get back to jaime and brienne’s canon survival chances. I needed to tell you that because...

all of the stories with redemptive themes in asoiaf (jaime, theon, sandor, whoever) are not by nature calvinist. whatever d&d think or hbo thought, none of them are written in a way where death is their best option/their only way to achieve redemption/to finish their story with dignity. theon has gone through hell and back and left and regained his sense of identity, he’s not built to die now, sandor has freaking gone to rehab and I’m 100% sure he survives the series and gets closure, while jaime is exactly a poster child for the above stuff I described. like, jaime is someone who’s fundamentally good who had the misfortune to spend his entire life jumping in different kinds of abusive situation one to the other (tywin’s parentage in general, his relationship with cersei throughout at least from the moment they were *experimenting* and like hell I’m going back on that sorry not sorry, guarding aerys, being with cersei at *her* terms and being forced to relieve his trauma all over and not having his needs met etc., tywin potentially ruining his only healthy relationship [with tyrion] and so on) who in turn has done exceedingly bad things/taken bad decision/committed heinous deeds that he regrets having done out of his bad reaction to all of that, not treating his ptsd and basically deciding to stop giving a fuck and embrace being the horrid person everyone thinks he is... until he meets brienne, remembers who he wanted to be because she’s posing an example of it and decides on his own to try and be better, which is... exactly... the entire fucking point. the moment he decides to try and be better and reclaims his dreams/the person he wanted to be/tries to do good he has automatically achieved a narrative status where he chose to be better and therefore the narrative is giving him a chance to be that, and usually those stories are meant to.... have the message that you can be better than the bad things you did and you can turn back the page at any point. like. jaime is written to show you that it’s not too late to get your shit together and not letting others/your surroundings define who you are;

on the other side, brienne is presented as extremely sympathetic from the beginning. also, grrm is very good at describing how shitty is your life if you grow up a woman who is not standard attractive, that everyone laughs at and who has endless insecurities for it.... and she’s the paragon of knighthood/everything good about chivalry in the goddamned series. brienne is legit one of the best people in these books and it’s not because I stan her - she’s kind, she’s just, she’s brave she’s everything a knight should be, she’s willing to change her mind when she misjudged people, she’s forgiving and life threw her crap all along and she’s still persevering from it. brienne is written in a frankly painfully objective way to eventually succeed at what she wants. if in affc she’s crying because she feels like she’s too much of a freak to be her father’s heir and she’s not woman or man enough for anything, the entire narrative point is that she has to succeed at both being a knight and a lady otherwise grrm can’t plant hints and believe me he can;

this means that jaime is headed on a redemptive path which in that kind of story when written by catholics or former catholics never ends up badly (also, aside: redemption is good for everyone and it can’t be just ONE character having it, you don’t buy it at the supermarket, so saying that if jaime has it then tyrion or theon or sandor or whoever can’t have it is just poor reading, people change all the time irl and in narrative you aren’t obligated to redeem one and kill everyone else) or in death, brienne has been written to succeed in her endeavors after she suffers a shitton and I think stoneheart has to be the worst and the end of it (in the sense that after that situation is resolved the way for her is down, not up). which if I do the math and we have stated they’re headed for romance, means the both of them should have a chance at a future together;

also, I can go and tell you that their asos road trip ending with harrenhal is bursting with symbolism that includes death and rebirth - not going into the weirwood dream and sticking to the basics... guys, jaime starts as a prisoner, then ends up losing a part of herself he thinks define him but in truth only defines what he thinks he is (and he’s not ie cersei’s double, the kingslayer, the person who has to drive himself crazy to protect everyone else), then ends up almost dying and sitting in the middle of his own filth for the entirety of the trip (and even then he does good things ie saving brienne from being raped *cough*) and then ends up in a scalding hot bath where he confesses his most well-kept secret and source of 50% of his trauma to someone he trusts regardless of how much he likes it or not, faints and then wakes up again when everyone thinks he might be dead. symbolically, I think it speaks for itself. thing is, during the entire thing *brienne* is there alongside him and while she’s also getting her own share of trauma/ptsd (I mean brienne has totally bloody mummers related ptsd and I’ll die on that hill) she physically is the reason he survives it - she cleans him up, she gives him enough pep talks to convince him to live, she hears his confession, she changes her mind about him for it (but imvho she had after he saved her from being raped because that’s where she calls him ser for the first time) and she catches him in the bath when he faints which is.... fairly symbolic in itself, and she is the one who puts him back on his feet after. like, while jaime’s choices after are all his own, his symbolic journey through his own physical/mental filth he has to go through during asos succeeds because she helped him even if she didn’t know she was doing it, and like... guys, there’s a reason why in the weirwood dream the brienne in jaime’s head which he has conjured and who is basically what jaime sees brienne as in that moment, not necessarily the real one..... keeps on telling him all the time she’ll keep him safe/protect him and she basically tells that to anyone he feels threatened by (or his subconscious feels threatened by), and as stated before, jaime lannister has never, until that point, assumed that *he* would be in the position where someone else gives a shit about him to the point where they will defend him rather than in the position where *he* is the person that has to protect everyone else regardless of how much appreciation he gets in return. like, excuse me but if I was writing my own book I wouldn’t put this much work and care and this symbolism in these two’s history if I meant to kill one of them off or to not have them be happy in the end.

like, the point is: grrm is an extremely meticulous writer with an astonishing attention to detail and who put in book two shit that made extra sense when reading book FIVE, see theon saying he wouldn’t go to his death wearing dirty clothing in acok which makes you go like ‘....... why’ the moment you read his adwd chapters. no one, unless they have a penchant for sadism, would put that much work with those themes in that specific kind of story if then it doesn’t deliver. or, in different words, using a character I love as well so no one can accuse me of being impartial: when grrm put the same kind of work in catelyn’s chapters from got to asos and then you read them knowing about lady stoneheart and the red wedding, it’s obvious that he built her up for being an extremely tragic character and that she was destined to die regardless of all her efforts to save her family (same for robb but we’re talking pov characters). but catelyn’s storyline doesn’t have redemptive themes. it’s about regret, loss, loving your children but being imperfect/not being able to be there for them, and so on. catelyn’s storyline never promises you a happy ending from the moment ned dies and probably even before then. catelyn’s storyline promises you endless suffering and that’s fine because that’s her point in the narrative.

on the contrary, brienne’s tells you ‘hey there’s this girl who has had it like shit all her life without deserving it and whose worth no one sees because she’s ugly and who at the same time is actually a genuinely good person who’s trying her best and okay, she’s gonna suffer but she’ll come out on top while getting what she wants which is recognition as both a lady and a knight’ and given that brienne is also an extremely rare rep (say what you want, cishet unattractive women with her issues and her backstory are basically only less rare than unicorns in media) that I’m 100% sure grrm knows speaks to a lot of people (because he writes her too well to not know), if brienne doesn’t get that after all that shit, the narrative would not deliver on a fairly huge promise.

even worse, jaime’s tells you ‘hey there’s this guy who has been an abuse victim to at least three different people who doesn’t even realize it and whose life is so fucked up you’d need fifteen psychology textbooks to even start grasping it and that everyone sees as the worst person ever and who has ended up believing he is out of not managing his trauma well and hey look at him going through an insane amount of extra suffering but coming out of it wanting to be better and sort of succeeding and hey he has setbacks but he’s starting to see himself as his own person and he’s out of his #1 worst abusive relationship and he can decide what to do with his life now and you should root for him’, which means that if he dies or worst of all dies like in the show (but that’s not happening) the narrative doesn’t deliver on a huge promise and gives you the message that you can’t escape your mistakes and the abuse you received...... which is not the message grrm likes/wants to pass. like, I’ll die on that damned hill.

and to finish it, that was for them as single characters, but going back to the beginning: love is a fundamental part of both their storylines. as I said in the beginning, brienne suffered because she wasn’t loved enough and would die for anyone she loves herself without even expecting anything in return because she thinks no one will love her like that, jaime suffered because he loved too much without getting anything in return (or better, getting cersei’s abusive crap for his entire life) and he turned it into something toxic that’s not what he thinks it should be (he sees his and c’s relationship as the best thing ever where they’re soulmates because she sold him that narrative, but that’s not the kind of rship where you *turn your partner’s blows into kisses* which is actual text). at this point, the narrative is telling you ‘oh hey here’s two damaged people who actually would be very good together because their personalities match in that sense [as in, brienne would thrive with someone who loves her that much openly and finds her attractive and respects her for all that she is and jaime would thrive with someone who would appreciate that tenfold and who’d love him back just as much and who’d die for him - canon! -, and it wouldn’t be the kind of rship where anyone’s blows turn into kisses unless they were friendly sparring before] and oh hey look at that they’re in a storyline where they both influence each other greatly and oh wait he’s attracted to her and she thinks he looks like half a god and she’d die for him and he was willing to get mauled by a bear for her and they’re obviously meant to hook up’, which automatically promises a resolution where they both get what they want or you basically spent all your time rooting for it.... for nothing. which would not give anyone reading it satisfaction unless you hate jb that much, but I’m 100% sure that most people reading asoiaf casually would not hate it that much and grrm likes that trope that much to not deliver on it.

so, tldr: if one of them dies or if they aren’t endgame with a reasonable happy-ish ending for the both of them, the entire narrative fails to deliver on the promises of their individual storylines and their shared one, and there’s nothing in grrm’s writing that suggests that he would not deliver on it. I mean, if it was stephen king I’d hold my breath because I love steve but imvho his endings suck 85% of the time and he manages to do 180° turnarounds that have no sense whatsoever, but it’s grrm, not stephen king, and everything of his I’ve read that actually had an ending ended in a way that was coherent with the overall storyline and maintained its promises, so here, the above is pretty much the summary. hopefully I haven’t exhausted you. ;)

#jaime x brienne #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #valyrianscrolls #asoiaf meta #janie writes meta #sorry for the lack of quotes but I'm on limited internet and I wrote this offline ops #long post for ts #abuse cw #anti-lannincest #anti-jaime x cersei #Anonymous #ask post

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megalony · 5 years ago

Text

Baby of mine- Part 2

The second part to my latest Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone will like.

Taglist: @marshmallowmae @langdonzvoid @butlegendsneverdie @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @caborhapch

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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"Are you going to keep walking around ignoring me?" There was a clear sigh at the end of Ben's words as his sorrowful eyes followed (Y/n) around the kitchen as she busied herself making something to eat for breakfast.

Her eyes finally diverting to the left so she could look at him, seeing how he was leaning against the doorframe, not looking his best. There were dark blue and purple circles beneath his eyes which looked rather spaced clearly showing he had disappeared for a drink last night. He looked like he needed sleep and there was redness around his eyes that showed he had shed more tears than he was letting on. His words weren't snapping at her like they were yesterday like a crocodile's jaw but they showed he was too tired to start shouting or properly arguing with her. They lived together, they couldn't keep ignoring each other and walking around like the other didn't exist.

"What do you want me to do Ben? You drop that bombshell on me and then fuck off all night, coming back bladdered. I'm not going to be best pleased am I?" (Y/n) didn't care that Ben felt he needed to drown his sorrows, she cared that he just stormed off almost all night and came back early morning. She didn't know where he had gone or if he was alright and in his state after what he had said that was very worrying.

"We live together (Y/n), I don't want to walk around the house acting like you don't exist and vice versa. Can we talk? I want to explain my past so you can see why having a baby is so hard for me to say yes to."

There was something in his words that both gave (Y/n) a rush of hope and then crushed that hope immediately. Ben didn't say that he was always going to turn her down for a baby but the way he spoke showed he didn't think his mind would be changed. But they were engaged, they were wanting to take that next step to be together and (Y/n) was not throwing that away just yet. Ben deserved to tell his story and to be listened to and (Y/n) needed to understand so that they could work things out.

Sighing (Y/n) closed her eyes as she nodded, moving to sit at one of the stools at the island in the middle of the kitchen. Opening her eyes as Ben moved to sit down opposite her, watching as she started to eat her breakfast. His head turning a little at the smell that made the alcohol in his stomach churn.

"I met Cora when I was nineteen, we were together for just less than two years when she got pregnant. I wanted kids then, I felt the way you do now it was a big thing for me." (Y/n) had met Cora once and she couldn't find any faults with her at all which had made it worse at the time when she saw how close she was to Ben. Ben said from the start that Cora meant a lot to him even though they had split they were on very good terms. They were like best friends and Ben didn't want (Y/n) to feel uncomfortable about that. He could see she was just a little but she never said anything which he was so thankful for that she was coming to terms with his friendship with his ex.

(Y/n) didn't know many people who were friends with their exes, especially not like Ben. Now she was beginning to realise the reason why.

"Everything seemed fine back then... we were both twenty-one when she had the baby. Cora had a few health scares and stuff but nothing too bad." One of the things Ben liked about then being young when they were together was that some of the friends back then he didn't have much contact with now. Ben didn't have any risk of those friends spilling the news that he had once been a father because it was private, something Ben hated to share with others. The friends who knew back then had promised they wouldn't say because they saw how it tore both ben and Cora up.

Reaching across the counter (Y/n) took Ben's hand in her own, a neutral look on her face as she silently conveyed her message that he didn't have to carry on if he didn't want to.

"We had a boy, Tommy. He was perfect (Y/n)... he had blue eyes like the sea, he had a little button nose, he fit perfectly in the crook of my arm. My little boy." Bowing his head down to face the counter Ben rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. Trying desperately to stop the waterworks, it had been seven years and Ben still shed thousands of tears when he even thought of his boy, let alone talked about him. "He died when he was three weeks old."

Closing his eyes Ben leaned his head on his right hand, his eyes showing pure pain and exhaustion as he felt a migraine coming on. Just the thought of that time in his life sent Ben reeling and made him feel like he was going to blackout. He had been given a glimpse of fatherhood and then had it cruelly snatched away from him. Ben wasn't going to have that happen again.

(Y/n) didn't know what to say.

She had never met anyone who had lost a child like that before, she only had one friend who had a miscarriage and was so much different to this. There was nothing that came to mind for her to say or anything that she could do to try and comfort Ben right now. She was at a loss of what to do.

"It made it so much fucking worse that there was no reason for him to die. 'Cot death' they call it. There's no reason for it, just bloody happens." Ben would feel a sense of closure or at least something different if there was a reason for Tommy to pass. Such as if he had some kind of illness or disease that couldn't be treated. But for him to just pass away in his sleep for no reason at all sent Ben up the wall. There was no reason for nature to just pick out children at random and not give a reason, nature didn't have to take Tommy because he wasn't ill, he hadn't done anything wrong.

"He would have been seven?" (Y/n) wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question that slipped past her lips without her thinking. She didn't know what else to say.

What could you say to someone who lost their child?

It wasn't as if she could tell Ben that things would get better because he had had seven years to test out that theory and prove it right or wrong. Time must have done something for him because Ben never gave away any indication that he had a child before. Now that (Y/n) thought about it there were only a few times she noticed something really wrong with Ben and that was the same time of year since she had met him. He got so quiet and frustrated too easily, then disappeared for one day saying he had to be alone. He seemed to be better after that and then it happened again, now (Y/n) was wondering if that was Tommy's birthday.

"Yeah... I... I tried to save him. I did CPR b-but he was gone."

"You found him." (Y/n) muttered quietly, her whole face falling as things seemed to slot into place.

Ben had been the one to try and revive his son but his efforts had been in vain. He couldn't go through the process of having another baby to then find they had passed away in their sleep for no reason whatsoever. He couldn't try and revive another baby to find that it had done nothing. The safest option to stop the heartache was to not have children. Ben had had a baby and he had buried him within a month, going through the pain and the fear may be worth it in the end but Ben wasn't taking the risk.

He didn't have the same yearning to have a child like he did before, the want and need for a baby had died with Tommy and Ben was perfectly fine with that.

"I was meant to be watching him... got up to feed him a- and he was just... gone. Me and Cora stayed together for a few months afterwards but it was too hard. There's nothing to say anymore, something was missing, we weren't us anymore. That's why Cora means so much to me. She gave me Tommy, we went through so much together and I love her. I love her differently to how I love you if that makes sense. She's always going to be a part of my life, just not like that."

Ben and Cora had lost a child, they had brought that life into the world and ultimately lost it too. There was no way Ben could ever cut her out of his life even when they decided that things could no longer work between them. It had been mutual, being together felt wrong, they both knew that Tommy was the missing piece that they needed to work. Being friends was much easier on the both of them, their relationship was a closed chapter in their lives but they weren't shutting the other out. Cora meant everything to Ben because he couldn't stop loving her, his feelings for her changed but not for the worse.

"I understand, I think it's really civil to stay as close as you are." A lot of couples wouldn't have split on such good terms, nor would they have stayed as close as Ben and Cora seemed to have.

"We didn't fall out of love, the love just changed." Ben could never say that he didn't love Cora anymore because they had gone through too much together and they didn't want to split up. But it had been for the best, they were at rock bottom and they couldn't help themselves and pick the other up at the same time. What they felt changed to a love for a friend rather than a partner and they agreed it was and still is for the best. They could never get past that point as a couple.

"What happened after you split?"

"Cora went back to her parents for a while... I just turned to drink. Don't look at me like that, I'm not an alcoholic I swear. Drinking just numbed everything, I didn't rely on it I just abused it a little too much. Mick helped me with that, I got councilling and got better." Ben wasn't an alcoholic, he hadn't taken to drink at all hours of the day and night, he didn't depend on alcohol to make things better and he wasn't addicted to drinking. He simply abused how much it could numb the pain. When things got too bad Ben went for a drink which turned into about five or six, but when Mick found out he stopped that. He helped show Ben that everything didn't stop because Tommy passed.

Councilling showed Ben that his guilt and his pain and everything in between was normal and helped him learn to deal with that and show him a way to move on with his life.

"A-are you, afraid of having a baby?" (Y/n) couldn't help but ask. Ben seemed so cautious about the subject, he was adamant he couldn't have a child with her and (Y/n) couldn't help but wonder if that was because he was afraid or just that he didn't want another baby.

"(Y/n)... I admit I would be petrified of seeing our baby in a cot because of Tommy but that's not why I'm saying no." Ben didn't know if he would ever get that image out of his mind. To lean down to pick his son up to realise he was stone cold and not breathing had scarred Ben for the rest of his life. "If things with Tommy had been different I would have no problems having a baby with you, believe me. But a baby isn't what I want now, sweetheart. I lost my boy and I don't feel that yearning to have another child anymore, another baby feels like I'm replacing him and it doesn't make me excited. Tommy is enough for me and I am so sorry that I can't see this differently."

Ben wasn't frightened to have another baby, he would be frightened if they did but that wasn't why he kept denying the request. Ben wasn't excited when he thought about starting another family like he had been with Cora. There was nothing in Ben saying he wanted a baby, he felt perfectly fine with the way they were now. Tommy was Ben's son and he didn't feel any more children would help or be something he wanted. It was that simple.

"Sweetheart, how do you feel when you think about a baby?" Ben finally looked up to meet (Y/n)'s watering eyes as she took a moment to think about her answer.

"Happy... full of energy, I feel desperate, like it's one of those things you see and just need to have." The thought of a baby made (Y/n) feel like she was a child that had seen the perfect toy that they wanted in a shop. She saw a family in her future and it made her all giddy inside, a baby was what she had wanted, someone to love and care for. Someone to nurture and bring up and Ben was the person she wanted to do that with.

"You get a rush of adrenaline, don't you?" Her head nodded to his question, confirming her suspicions that he once had felt the way that she did now. "I don't get that. You bring up a baby and I think, why? I think that I'm happy just you and me, a baby doesn't make me feel happy but it doesn't make me feel sad either. It's one of those things in life that I don't care for anymore, it's something I can live perfectly fine without."

There was no other way for Ben to word it other than he didn't want a baby anymore. He lost his son and that was it, Ben wasn't ready to have another baby and his mind was set that he didn't want children full stop. Ben didn't want to lose (Y/n) but at the same time, he didn't want to add to their numbers either. "And you'll always feel like this? You wanted a baby before and you don't now, who's to say you won't want one in the future?" If Ben could change his mind before (Y/n) didn't see why that couldn't happen again. She didn't want to throw away what they had because it was something she had never felt before and probably would never feel again. But at the same time did she want to be with Ben if she couldn't have a family with him? What was the right thing to do if they both felt like this?

Standing to his feet Ben let go of her hand to round her side of the kitchen island, his hands moving to cup her face. Thumbs gently brushing away the river of tears as he kneeled down to be level with her.

"I might change my mind in the future, but right now my mind is made up. I have a child sweetheart, one I can never see and that is my heart done. My heart can't take any more pain nor can it expand for anyone else." Ben couldn't predict the future, he couldn't tell her that in five years time he would still be set in his ways that he didn't want a baby. All he could say for definite was that for now and the foreseeable future Ben's heart wasn't allowing their family to go from two to three. "I don't want a baby."

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben x reader #dad! ben #imagine #baby of mine

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maevelin · 6 years ago

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Do you not like how the pregnancy plot was used in acofas as a plot or because you feel that babies don't belong to that universe?

Well I do feel that concepts of immortality don’t go very well with pregnancy tropes but it depends on how a universe truly works and how a writer makes it work. In the ACoTaR universe it is established that even though pregnancy is not an easy thing to happen it is not an impossibility. And given the established population and the familial relationships we have seen this is not out of the norm for this world and the concept of immortality does have its limitations obviously.

My problem was how this was used as a plot and how it affected the female character. We had Feyre making a big deal about certain things in the trilogy and in ACoFaS, things that mattered to her characterization but ultimately were negated by default. This is what happens with SJM’s writing and it couldn’t be more obvious in ACoFaS.

For example we get the story of the weaver lady in ACoFaS right? We have the void and the hope that inspired Feyre and I was staring at what I was reading wondering if SJM actually forgot what she wrote in ACoWaR because what she was doing was so contradictory. She aimed for the profound message and I was there rolling my eyes because SHE MADE SURE FOR THAT TO NOT FREAKING COUNT.

So Feyre understands the weaver’s loss and decides to have a child because in case that Rhysand would die like the weaver’s mate did she would not have anything left to remember him by and I was like…anyone remembers the suicide pact? The weaver lady was indeed someone to lead an example and was strong and kept on living and grieved and mourned but did not let that grief destroy her and she found hope in the darkness and ultimately was everything Feyre was not. If anything that story line highlighted the weakness of the main characters. We had the survivors of the war and the attack, people that lost their beloved ones and kept on living and turned on their High Lords for support but if we place that mirror against Feyre and Rhysand what do we get in return? They would never be like those people would they? Because when push would come to shove they would just quit life because they wouldn’t be able to handle the loss. It is just so problematic. Too much love is poison indeed as Rhysand has once said. It turns ugly. And it tainted what SJM was trying to preach in ACoFaS. The weaver was admirable for sure. We didn’t see her taking her life because she lost the love of her life did we? No. And Feyre was inspired by this and made it a big deal when the message SJM promoted in the previous book about her female lead was…if the one you love dies go on an die with them.

So can anyone explain to me using simple logic what was the point of Feyre deciding to have a child so to have something of Rhysand when with their pact the only thing left would be an orphan child without having anything to remember their parents by because they were idiots and committed suicide because they formed a completely toxic codependent relationship?

The weaver plot with the tapestry and the gift and all that leading to Feyre’s decision were literally completely pointless because SJM made them be pointless by default. How is that a motivation for Feyre when she does not have to worry about it given the moronic bargain she made with her mate? And how is it possible that at no point her mind actually made that connection? A bargain mind you that was created in a post traumatic period for both Feyre and Rhysand and the writer made it all seem ‘romantic’? And how did that tie in in ACoFaS? There was no logic or consistency and it really cheapened the whole thing. It would work with how things were presented in ACoWaR up to a point. If SJM had stopped before that pact in the end it would actually be one of the few saving graces of the book. If she knew where to stop that is. With Rhysand’s intentions for self sacrifice for example while he wanted to ensure Feyre’s survival even in the expense of his own life. This was his goal, this was his motivation. For those he loved and for Feyre in particular to survive even if he had to die fighting for them and for that endgame. It was heroic, it was noble. It made sense with who Rhysand was revealed to be in ACoMaF. And on the other end I was not expecting anything less from Feyre either. This is what you do when you love someone. You want them to live and have a good life even if you can’t be there. And it would also show that life does not come with guarantees even for immortals so every day is meant to cherished with those you love as if it is the last because it very well could be and there are examples for that. And if one is gone then the other lives on and should live life to the full extent not just for them but also in honor of those that they lost that would live through them. That is how you honor a memory and a love story either it has a happy ending or not. And the plot with the weaver would tie in perfectly with that. Only it doesn’t now does it? Because the last pages of ACoWaR and the closure for Feysand’s story there ensured that. Now going around in circles around that is a parody really. Senseless.

And putting all that aside let us focus on Feyre and the timeline here. Let us see how this baby plot fits in Feyre’s story and all the points ACoMaF had made? One of the best parts of ACoMaF was that it subverted certain tropes only for ACoFaS to come like a badly written fanfiction and demolish all that progress. Everything in this story happened in what? A year? Two? More or less. So in that extremely small amount of time you get a girl that has been through hell and went through extremely traumatic situations that affected her mentally and emotionally and made life changing decisions that contradict everything she seemed to have wanted when she was recovering from depression and PTSD.

In the end of the day you have a very VERY young inexperienced girl that was deprived of kindness and basic care in her whole life and has gone through some very traumatic events in the span of 2 years that are bound to affect her perception of the world and those that surround her. Someone throws her a crumb of kindness and they become perfect in her eyes to the point she glamorizes them beyond logic because she is starving for affection. She is starving to have a loving family. She is starving to be loved and cherished and appreciated. So she just jumps in. With a guy that is 500 years old. That has lived his life. That is also recovering from severe trauma. This is where their relationship is based on and how it is shaped. They don’t think clearly. They are still healing. They gave themselves no time to even see if their relationship can stand in time (outside the concepts of mates and with having immortality looming over them). And there is nothing wrong with people wanting to get things they have been deprived of and chase those dreams till they would make them come true. But at least in stories we should get the gradual development that would get us there and not an abrupt conclusion that counters the progress that was made - in entire books- and the progress that was used as a central axis for the characterization of the characters.

With Tamlin for example such a future and so soon for Feyre was a nightmarish terror. Even Rhysand made it sound like that when he was trying to show her how restricting such a life was and couldn’t understand the rush of it all. You put the basics of Tamlin’s expectations with what we are seeing with Rhysand and Feyre and if you strip the storylines down to their core you see alarming similarities. Excluding the abuse of course. But in the sense of a certain lifestyle that Feyre abhorred and suddenly lives on ACoFaS but somehow this is a dream coming true now. With Tamlin the exact same thing when Feyre was in love with him was still something she didn’t want and for good reason but in the span of months this changes all of the sudden and with Rhysand it becomes perfection when she has not been able to achieve the dreams she had before. But what about Feyre as a unique personality outside her romantic interests? So the only difference in the end is the male she is so her life is regulated only as her worth is defined as a love interest in the narrative? The world is a big place and Feyre still has no idea of it. She does not even fully understand the concept of her Fae nature and of immortality yet. She has not even experienced or enjoyed what she has with Rhysand and their bond either. Feyre in ACoMaF had said she wanted time. Said she didn’t want to become a decorative piece while the High Lord would be active and she would be there to basically breed children, sign letters and host dinners and have people serving her while she would be there to be the rich wife. Does that -especially after ACoFaS- sound familiar? And her not wanting children in the near future was something that was discussed in ACoMaF and it was a big decision and Rhysand respected it. It gave a certain depth in their relationship but also in Feyre’s character that wanted to grow and mature before she would be a mother and a wife. She wanted time to live, to love, to be herself, to be with Rhysand and so on. She wanted independence and to mature. And here we are so soon after and everything is once more negated.

Not to mention that this feels manipulative in a way. There is the mate bond that is influencing Feyre’s emotions to a big extent and not to mention that she has already seen the image of her future son which is also influencing her decisions.

And it is just so… simplistic. To take an interesting plot that was one of the parts that made ACoMaF so successful and to erase it completely for no reason just a few books later. This is a pattern that keeps repeating really. SJM makes a certain point, hypes it and then erases it. So what was the point of making it in the first place? More so when she is planning for an extended universe that will stretch far beyond the original trilogy and she could give this later on in a time frame that would make sense.

And I get it when fans that like a ship want such things for their dream couple. And I mean…this is what fanfiction is for. And on the other end I understand and respect when a writer wants to deliver to the fans what they want. It is a great thing to want to please your fans that have supported you and your writing like this and with so much passion. But I feel that it should not come to the expense of your writing to this degree and I am sure that this could have been handled much better and with a more consistent writing that would make the delivery make sense without being so contradictory, sloppy, and messy. You can honor the fans while still remaining true to the story and what made the characters and their dynamic so alluring to the fans in the first place. Those things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

#anti sjm #anti sarah j maas #anti feysand #anti acofas #Anonymous #there was just no consistency #and yeah I am not fond of baby storylines #but if you decide to give them at least do it right #this just hurts me so much because I used to ship Feysand so hard #I guess I'll have to pretend acowar and acofas didn't happen and focus on their acomaf version #feyre archeron #rhysand #mymeta

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chloe-gayzer · 6 years ago

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for the angst asks.... all of them. for mitali. and adora. >:)

okaaaaaaaaaaaay this was a LONG one lucy. but i did it. gonna put most of it behind a readmore tho

What would your OC’s last words be/what are they?

Adora: I don’t have exacts. She dies in her sleep when she’s rather old. Her last words are probably something to Jess before bed. Maybe something simple like “I love you.” Maybe instead of saying goodnight, she sort of knows she won’t wake up, so she says “I love you. Goodbye.”Mitali: I haven’t really thought of how she’ll die. If she dies fighting, her last words might be swears. Actually, she would probably die fighting. Protecting her own. I could imagine her staying behind in some situation to make time for who she’s helping. She’d fight to the death to keep her people safe. Her last words would be something along the lines of “Get somewhere safe. I’ll hold them off.” (as a quick side note, i haven’t beat New Dawn yet, so im not sure what’s going on ending wise).

What would break your OC beyond repair? Has it happened?

Adora: OKAY so I have an AU where Adora actually is The Judge (my usual canon is it’s Pratt). The thing that would break Adora the most is Jess seeing her as the Judge. She’d break to pieces if the people she loved had to see her like that. Especially if it’s Jess seeing her. She’d feel as though she’s betrayed everything she once stood for, everything she and Jess did together.Mitali: Mitali has already been broken a few times. She wasn’t long out of a bunker when her mothers were killed. That was the first. She was alone for awhile after that. After she joined up with Rush’s people, she ended up in love with a woman, but she was killed on the train. At this point, she’d have to suffer multiple breaks at once to be beyond repair. Losing people important to her is her breaking point.

What is your OC’s worst memory?

Adora: She remembers her birth parents. She occasionally has nightmares about them, even as long out as New Dawn. She was adopted when she was around three or four. She had been badly abused before that and her back is covered in scars, so her worst memories are getting them. One thing that kept her going through spearheading the resistance is knowing she’d been through worse before she had lost her first tooth.Mitali: Watching her parents get killed. They’d been out of the bunker for maybe six months. She got away, but it didn’t really matter after that.

Does your OC have nightmares? What do they contain?

Adora: She has periods in her life where nightmares are more prevalent. She went to therapy when she was able until she moved to Hope County, and that helped, but after everything against the peggies, she definitely had constant nightmares in the bunker. Sometimes they’d be about her birth parents, but sometimes it might be things hunting her in the dark. Occasionally, she’ll have nightmares about Faith. Not Faith speaking to her, but what Faith went through. The drugs and abuse and what-not.Mitali: She has nightmares fairly often. Mostly being blamed for things she couldn’t stop. Other times it’s just standard “can’t move while things happen to her” dreams.

Your OC is facing their worst enemy. Who/what is it?

Adora: Fuck, Joseph Goddamn Seed. She despises that man. She’d have ripped his heart out if she got the chance. Who cares if he changed a bit between 5 and New Dawn? He still killed his infant, hour old daughter, still fucked with Faith (and the women who were “Faith” before her), killed so many innocents, and condoned his siblings torturing people.Mitali: Ugh is it cliche if I say herself? There’s a lot of things she needs to work on.

What would get your OC to make themselves disappear?

Adora: In a way, Adora did disappear. She’d never advertise that she was the deputy. The only people that know are her close friends and family; Jess, Grace, Hudson, the Ryes.Mitali: She’s just go. All she would need to do is head east and no one would know her. Let her accent bleed through more than she usually does and she’s got a new life out there.

Does your OC have any weaknesses? Have these ever been exploited?

Adora: She acts like she doesn’t, but mentions of physical abuse can make things bad for her. No one has used it, but if someone were to somehow know her history and talk about her birth parents abusing her, it’d fuck her up really bad.Mitali: Despite claiming she has no connections and what not, her weakness is people. The people she loves, the people who are her friends. Right before the (first?) siege of Prosperity, the twins used that against her. Threatening Carmina as well as those children.

What is the closest your OC has come to death?

Adora: Pick one. She nearly died at age three when her birth mother hit her just a little harder than usual. She was taken from them after that. Or how about the many, many times in Hope County? The helicopter crash, the near drowning, the Bliss overdoses, and the frequent kidnapping. Having Wrath carved into her chest. There’s more.Mitali: She’s had plenty. Her first was probably getting attacked by a wolf when she was on her own around 16 years old, after her mothers died. She won, but barely. And then she’s got the bits in New Dawn. More near drowning!

What is the greatest sacrifice your OC could ever make? Under what circumstance would they make it?

Adora: Letting Joseph Seed go. She wants more than anything to kill him. Pulling herself back and, not forgiving, but letting go that grudge in order to leave Hope County and move on with her life is a huge thing for her. Sacrificing the closure of ending it. The circumstance she makes it under is finding somewhere safer, where she, her girlfriend, and anyone else who joins them, can find comfort and support.Mitali: Herself. She would give herself, for the right reasons. She would do it for the people she protects. If something happened and she couldn’t ensure the safety of her people, or specifically, the small group of friends she’s made (the Ryes, Grace, Gina and her baby, Savannah, all of them), she’d stay behind to give them the chance to escape. She’d give her life so she didn’t have to lose anyone again.

What is the worst loss your OC has suffered?

Adora: The end of Far Cry 5 :/Mitali: Again, her mothers. She was barely past being a child when she lost them.

Your OC is forced to kill a member of their family or a friend. Who do they choose, and why?

Adora: I wanna joke and say Sharky, but I really think she’d kill herself. But if it’s blood family, she’d kill one of her birth parents. They deserve it.Mitali: Family wise, she has none. Friend wise, most are dead with the train crash. She’d kill herself before she killed any of the Ryes. If it has to be an actual friend, she’d have to go Gina, but she’d make sure it was a face to face fight, not a sudden knife to the back.

To what extent would your OC go to survive?

Adora: Fighting, she’ll do near anything. Surviving, it really depends. If it’s her on her own, she’ll do anything. If there are others with her, she’s more likely to forgo food so they can eat. Think Nina from Bioshock 2, starving herself so the kids can live longer.Mitali: As far as she has to. There’s little she hasn’t done to keep herself alive when she was living alone. It was probably four years as a teenager that she was alone in the woods. You do what you have to.

Has your OC suffered trauma?

Adora: Her entire life except like. The parts with her dads or her gf.Mitali: Watching her parents die is probably the biggest.

Would your OC let themselves be forced into a loveless marriage?

Adora: Hell no.Mitali: Mmmmmmmaybe. Lots a conditions there. It’s unlikely though, cause her biggest dream is having a wife and a child.

How far would you OC go to protect their loved ones?

Adora & Mitali, because it’s the same for both: Yes. Yes is how far.

Your OC has exactly 15 minutes to live. What is their last act?

Adora: She’d just want to be held by Jess until she passed. Hearing aids in, if only to hear Jess’s voice.Mitali: Idk, she’d probably pick a fight with the nearest Highwaymen. The Twins if she could.

What is your OC’s greatest failure?

Adora: She considers her biggest failure being not killing Joseph Seed. She wants him dead more than anything, but she failed and has to live with it.Mitali: She considers the train her biggest failure.

What is the worst possible ending for your OC and why?

Adora: When she’s taken and turned into the Judge, She loses too much of herself. Almost anything else would be better.Mitali: The worst for Mitali would probably be… ending up a Highwaymen or something similar. Going against her morals, killing the innocents she once protected, and not caring. Becoming the rash, chaotic, and violent type of person she usually fights.

What is your OC’s preferred method of death?

Adora: Something painless. She wouldn’t care what, but she’d want it painless and she wouldn’t want to be cold.Mitali: She’d want to go down fighting. Something bloody and tiring and altogether only just able to overwhelm her after she’s already put up too much of a fight.

How does your OC sleep at night?

Adora: Depends on where she is. If she’s in the bunker she uses, she can sleep through the night most of the time. If Jess is in bed with her, she’s comfortable and gets a full night’s rest. If she’s not in the bunker, she’s got it a little harder to fall asleep and much easier to wake.Mitali: She tosses and turns a lot.The smallest sound can wake her, which is why she prefers not to sleep in Prosperity. The bunk rooms are too noisy for her. It’s only when she can share a bed with Savannah can she get any real sleep there at all.

What is the worst thing your OC has done?

Adora: She feels, despite the conditions of Faith’s death and what Faith had done, that killing Faith was one of the worst things. Maybe the worst. It has to do with their similar background: abused and used and eventually adopted-- But where Adora’s fathers gave her a loving home and helped her recover, Faith’s new brothers got her further into her addiction and made everything worse. Adora hates that she had to kill Faith. She would’ve rather tried to help. Mitali: How she killed the men who killed her mothers. It wasn’t slow and it wasn’t quick.

What is your OC the most guilty about?

Adora: Not calling her fathers before she went on the job to arrest Joseph.Mitali: Bringing her girlfriend with her when they headed on the train for Prosperity.

Would your OC be considered good or bad by an outsider?

Adora: Good, probably. She’s a warm, smiley sort of person.Mitali: Bad, until they got to know her. She’s pretty grumpy and swears a good deal.

Who does your OC hate most?

Adora: Joseph Seed!!!Mitali: She’s full of self hate if that counts.

What does your OC love most, and what would they do to keep it?

Adora: Adora Addicks loves, with all her heart and soul, one lovely Jessica Black, and would do anything at all to keep her. She’s not materialistic, but she would and has killed a man for Jess.Mitali: After the bombs, there isn’t much physically that she could lay claim on and be attached to. If she has to be attached to an object, it’d be her shotgun. But her love… it’s a limited supply thing. She tries not to do that sort of thing because she often loses it soon after. But she loves the Ryes and what they’ve done for her. And she’s fighting an entire gang to keep them.

Has your OC ever had unrequited feelings of any kind for someone?

Adora: She definitely had a baby gay crush on Grace. Definitely had a few crushes on girls in high school that just weren’t meant to be. The woman who taught her to spar was her idol for a while too.Mitali: Admittedly I’d count how Mitali feels for Kim. There’s other women in her past too, but they’re just faces for her at this point. She’d do anything for Kim. Which is why she got Nick back as soon as she could.

How does your OC deal with rejection?

Adora: She pouts for a bit but gets some space so she can clear her head and feel better.Mitali: She’s used to it. Might have a few drinks, but no more.

Would your OC ever reject someone?

Adora: Literally any man. She’s a lesbian after all.Mitali: Once more, she’d reject literally any man. She might be okay with like… a platonic marriage with Rush? More of a “we’re partners and we’re close but we don’t do that whole sex thing”. Maybe raise a kid with him. But every other man would be a big old NO.

Why does your OC have the flaws that they have?

Adora: She can be spiteful. She might bury the hatchet, but she also remembers where she did. She sees spite as getting back at those who’ve wronged her but in a creative way. For example, she lives happily as a deaf woman, often without wearing her hearing aides, because her birth parents often hit her for “not listening”. But she can’t listen, and she’s happy with who she is. She doesn’t need to hear.Mitali: She’s an angry person. It stems from trauma in her teens and not being able to properly socially develop between 16 and 20.

Would your OC kill?

Adora: Doesn’t like to, but she has and would again.Mitali: She was only 15 when she killed her first person.

Would your OC torture?

Adora: If the right reasons were there or if she was too in her emotions.Mitali: Definitely.

Does your OC hate? To what extent?

Adora: Yes. To the extent she wants to kill Joseph with her bare hands.Mitali: Definitely. To the extent she’s killed people she hated in gruesome ways out of revenge.

How does your OC let out anger?

Adora: She takes a break and goes fishing. It calms her down and lets her think things out.Mitali: She might go hunting. Could be for deer, could be for highwaymen. Maybe for something monstrous if she needs a challenge. Probably takes Gina with her for whatever she’s fighting.

#deafuty #deputy Adora addicks #captain mitali #elusetta #the lost asks

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thebravestthingiwilleverdoisrun · 6 years ago

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The Great Discard…Dumped By The NarcissistBy

Lenora Thompson

~ 5 min read

“Before bed, he would be so charming,” friends observed about Frank Sinatra. “The girl was ‘mademoiselle this,’ ‘darling that,’ and ‘my sweet baby.’ He was cavalier, a perfect gentleman. You never saw anything like this man in your life. He’d jump across the room to light a cigarette. He’d fill her glass with champagne every time she took a sip.”

That’s the big “valuing.” The worm narcissists dangle before our needy eyes. The diamond they twirl. The carrot they stick under our twitchy, hungry codependent noses.

Once they catch us, mark us as a complete forward pass on their scorecard, get what they need, next comes The Great Discard aka de-valuing.

“It was the next day when we’d always find the other Frank [Sinatra], the one who wouldn’t speak to the girl, who had been the most beautiful woman in the world the night before. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even go near her, nor would he tolerate any affectionate overtures from her. Humped and dumped. The minute the conquest was achieved, kaput.”

And that is how the game is played by narcissists, m’friends. Beautiful, ain’t it.

Valued

Always remember that being chosen by a narcissist is a huge back-handed compliment. They don’t choose mean people. They don’t choose selfish people. They don’t choose cold, aloof people. Heck no!

Narcissists always choose sweet, warm, caring people. Giving people. Selfless people. Generous people. Loving people. Unfortunately, codependent people.

They choose people who give a lot but also need a lot. We need love, because we don’t love ourselves. Need approval, because we’re incapable of self-approval. Need compliments because life has torn us down. Need vicarious self-esteem, because we learned how to loathe ourselves at the knee of a narcissistic parent. Our narcissist gives all of that to us…for a while. The relationship is a symbiotic give-and-take between two needy people.

The narcissist needs to be coddled. To be praised. To be assured he’s in the right. That the rest of the world is out to get him because they’re jealous of his superiority. He craves validation of his victimhood.

The codependent needs to feel the power inherent in the ability to fix the narcissist’s fractured, sad little world. To have all the answers for him. Meanwhile, we revel in the compliments they’re temporarily heaping upon us. They tell us, “I adore you. I would die for you. I love you to the moon and back.” Give us jewelry, flowers, candlelit dinners.

Most of all, the narcissist makes us feel needed. He dotes on us as much as we dote on him…

…for awhile.

Devalued

But it can’t last, y’know. Truth…will…out. It always does.

The Great Discard might be triggered by the narcissist finding someone else to seduce to feed their ego.

But, just for shits and giggles, let’s say the Great Discard starts when the narcissist does something wrong. Upright, forthright, downright wrong. For the first time, there’s absolutely no way you can be on his side. For the first time in your relationship you’re not in his corner.

Or you may be physically unable to do, well, nearly everything for them because of illness or accident.

Or you may be the child of a narcissist who has reached the Age of Majority and moved out to have your own, independent life despite their neediness, their helplessness, their love-bombing and myriad manipulation to get you to happily live in their basement forever.

Or you may have come across the concept of codependence, grown a ball or two and a barbed-wire topped boundary fence.

Or you may have stumbled across the topic of narcissism and suddenly, you’re “onto” them. You may even have made the wonderful “mistake” of telling them, “Hey! You’re a narcissist!”

Whatever the cause, “Hell hath no fury…” as a narcissist “threatened” by an alternative version of reality than their warped version.

And suddenly, you find yourself chucked on the ash heap of history along with yesterday’s newspaper and wilted cabbage leaves.

Discarded

Shock! Utter complete, confusing, gut-wrenching shock. That’s how the Great Discard feels at first.

Ah, how well I remember watching a scapegoated family member go through it. One day her Golden Child brother would speak to her. The next, he wouldn’t. She mourned over it, examined it six ways from Sunday and wept over it for years. No explanation was ever given. There was never any closure.

Aye, closure. That’s the most painful part of being discarded. The confusion mixed with the pain.

They said they loved us, but now they’re threatening us with the law.

They said they adored us, but now they’re blackening our character to anyone who will listen.

They said they’d die for us, but they won’t let us live in peace.

They gave generously to us of their own free will and now they say we’re “spoiled” and are reneging on their gifts, demanding (illegally) that we give it all back.

They said they adored us. We didn’t imagine it. They said it. We heard them say it of their own free will, over and over again.

So what gives?

Practicality

Since starting Narcissism Meets Normalcy, I’ve always said one thing: Narcissists are logical. Theirs may be a twisted logic, but it’s not impossible to follow. A close cousin of logic is practicality.

Why keep someone around who doesn’t meet your needs anymore? It’s not logical. It’s not practical. Love doesn’t seem to enter into their decision making process.

We existed in their life to fill a need. We played a role. We had a purpose. When we failed to meet that need, stopped playing that role we were discarded. It’s really rather simple.

But nothing gets you discarded on that ash heap faster, harder and more permanently than telling the narcissist, “Hey! You’re a narcissist.” The debate rages on if, how and when you should tell a narcissist that they’re a narcissist.

In my case, I used it as a litmus test. In my official “No Contact” letter, I offered to tell them the “core dynamic” I’d discovered that had informed my decision to go “No Contact.” I did not reveal what the “core dynamic” was in that letter. Rather, I left it incumbent on them to request the reason. It was a test. Would they write back, showing me the respect of asking to know why? If they loved me and had humility, they would write back and want to know the core dynamic. If they were narcissists, they would not write back.

They failed the test. For fourteen months, they didn’t give a shit. Finally, fourteen months later, one of them wrote back and wanted to know the “core dynamic.” Fourteen months!

Did They Ever Love Us?

I don’t know. Like you, I struggle with this question every day. I like to think that in some corner of their souls, narcissists can love. But the true life stories of most of my readers do not back me up. Still, hope springs Eternal, right?

Oddly enough, I felt loved. Actually loved because my narcissists were the engulfing (chocolate) flavor, not the neglecting (vanilla) flavor of narcissists. And I’ve long suspected they’re wringing their hands and their little handkerchiefs saying, “We loved her so much. We gave her so much. How could she do this to us? I guess we never knew Lenora was such a horrible person. We must’ve spoiled her. That’s why she’s doing this. She’s spoiled! When we stopped giving, she turned on us.”

Utter bullshit, of course!

So how was I so easily discarded after I went “No Contact”? Why were you so easily discarded?

We no longer met any of their needs.

We no longer stroked their ego.

We no longer mopped up their messes.

We told them when they were in the wrong.

We could no longer be brainwashed.

We could no long be bribed with money and gifts.

We called them out on their lies.

We set up boundaries on their prying.

We refused to let them abuse us anymore.

We refused to let them abuse our spouse or our children anymore.

Worst of all, we told them they were narcissists.

Must’ve been excruciatingly painful for them, triggering full-scale narcissistic collapse. They don’t want us around any more. We’re “dangerous” to their fragile egos with the power to completely “destroy” them with the truth we hold so dear.

Do they still love us? Did they ever love us?

No one seems to know. But I do know that their discard of us has given them just another scenario for playing the victim, sobbing on the shoulder of the poor sap of a codependent who now plays the role we used to play.

Value, devalue, discard. Value, devalue, discard. What a ridiculous way to live!

#narcissism #narcissistic abuse #dumped

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codyboolman · 4 years ago

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Never let the unconditional love in a marriage.There are definitely not alone in this relationship.Go ahead and salvage your marriage from collapse after a divorce - but here you are, reading for advice to save a marriage.The heat of the issues are, you probably know that you are bound to exist between any two individuals.If you are there for your spouse, ask yourself what things you might like.

Save The Marriage Reviews

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This is not enough effective communication is the person we once held most dear.If you see the world at the required behavioral changes as well as doing the things experts usually cite--finances and infidelity.Don't be afraid to change this attitude and become just partners under one roof.Stop Asking What's Wrong and How To of what they have no importance in the face the music of married life, you have to deal with all the difference.Implementing the exact methods that lay out exactly how you love someone enough to each other again.

Prevent Divorce Essay

Does marriage repair books that are responsible for it anywhere else.The tapestry-like jacquard fabrics also hold up your marriage.Emotional and spiritual closure is something small then you should take.You wouldn't want to stop your divorce if you do not treat it like have some time to unwind and then set a schedule together and become a bit stale when it comes to saving their marriages have gone through this.The first step if you are not divorce yet, there are no longer get along.

Couples divorce most of the marriage and escalates into arguing.Here are some basic information, such as with any relationship problem and identifying the problem.In case, you have to compromise and you are being abused, you will eventually get divorced.Sometimes it will not in shape as well as ego clashes are the husband or wifeAfter all, your other half, there are some of it either!

#Save His Marriage Stupendous Diy Ideas #How Can I Save Relationship

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megsblackfirewrites · 7 years ago

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My Golden Obsession: Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Jesse and Jack sat side by side in the audience. Gabriel was wearing the standard jumpsuit orange, his head shaved completely bald to make him look more like the intimidating Reaper that everyone was expecting. Jack had heard rumors for months that they had caught the wrong man, that there was no way that someone as sweet as Gabriel could possibly be something as horrible as the Reaper.

But Jack knew better. He’d seen what Gabriel was capable of. The bodies buried under all of the property that Gabriel owned on the outskirts of the city showed that. They were even more brutally tortured than the victims that had been put on display. It brought his body count up to unprecedented numbers; he was an incredibly talented and prolific serial killer. He needed to be brought to justice; Jack just wished that he had been caught sooner, before he killed Ana Amari. Before Jack had fallen in love. Before Gabriel’s actions could affect Jesse for the rest of his life.

The judge walked into the room and took her place at the podium. She knocked her gavel against the podium and started reading the charges out.

“Gabriel Reyes, you are charged with innumerable counts of kidnapping, assault with a deadly weapon, assault with intent to do harm, first-degree murder, manslaughter, and desecration of human remains. How do you plea?”

Gabriel rose to his feet, ignoring the hissing from his lawyer. “Guilty, your honour,” he said.

Gasps rang throughout the courtroom as everyone that had come to support him was shocked into silence. Gabriel turned his head slightly and regarded the terrified faces. He lifted an eyebrow before he looked back at the judge.

“I am guilty of all charges, your honour,” he said. “I am The Reaper. I have hunted the streets of Los Angeles and left altered human bodies for the police to find. I accept all responsibility and only ask that I be allowed to tell all those listening why I have done this. Perhaps it will help the victim’s loved ones find some closure.”

The judge looked at him for a long time before she motioned to the witness stand. “Allowed.”

Gabriel bowed his head before he walked towards the witness stand. His lawyer looked ready to murder him, clearly expecting to be able to argue for Gabriel’s innocence. Jack was proud of Gabriel for not trying to worm his way out of his punishment, but he seemed arrogant and proud of what he had done. It was so strange to see him like that, so self-assured in his righteousness, like no one would ever doubt him for doing what he had done. It wasn’t the Gabriel he was used to and it worried him; was this the real Gabriel?

Gabriel settled down in the witness stand and the mic was adjusted in front of him so that he didn’t have to yell. Gabriel looked his audience over before he looked straight ahead over all of their heads. Like a kid giving a speech in class; focus on something other than the audience.

“My first victim was my wife, Catherine Reyes,” he said. “We were married at twenty-two, both young and stupid, but happy. Our first house was purchased by my parents and presented to us as a wedding gift; it was more than we could have expected and a little out of our meager price range, but we made it a home. When we were twenty-five, we adopted a child from Santa Fe, determined to give him a happy life away from the monsters that plagued his family.

“Jesse was my pride and joy. He was scared of us at first; not surprising, all things considered. It took a while to earn his trust, but the first time he called me ‘Papi’, I knew I would do anything to keep him safe. I did everything to help him adjust to his new surroundings and he became my little man.

“I thought everything was fine; my family was happy, my job was taking off, and Jesse was excited for everything in life. It wasn’t until he was almost ten that I realized that the happy little life I thought I had was nothing but a veneer. A badly applied one at that.

“One night, I found Jesse’s door left open just a small fraction of an inch. He was crying in his room, whimpering softly. I went in to see what was wrong, but he just sobbed harder when I asked what was wrong. I managed to calm him down, thinking it was just a nightmare or a bully at school. But he said something that chilled my soul.

“‘Momma keeps making me sick’, he said. ‘She won’t stop touching me’.”

Silence fell in the courtroom and Gabriel took a breath. Jesse was shaking in his seat, but he lifted his jaw stubbornly, refusing to cry. Hanzo held onto his hand tightly, his eyes hard as Jack held Jesse’s other hand between his hands. They were there for him as the secret Gabriel and Jesse had kept from the world was told. He needed to be reassured that it wasn’t his fault. No matter what Gabriel said in his defence, Jesse was not the reason Gabriel started killing.

“I hoped that Jesse was just misremembering things. No one wants to think that their spouse is doing that to their children, but Jesse had never lied about something of that magnitude before. I had no reason to disbelieve him, but I wanted to be sure. So, I set up a camera and reassured Jesse that if anything happened that I would come running.

“I regret not hiding in the room the next night. What I saw through that camera still fills me with uncontrollable rage. Catherine crept into his room late at night and…. And she molested him. Jesse came to us as a four-year-old. Catherine had been molesting him for four years, almost nightly since he was six.

“My first thought was divorce to get Jesse away from her, but then I was terrified that he would be awarded to her simply because she was his mother. Then I was terrified that she would come after me for everything, leaving me with nothing to support my son if I’d managed to convince the courts to let me have sole custody. There were so many terrifying scenarios that I came up with that I resolved to do one thing. Kill her.

“And I did. I made her pay for four years of hurting my baby. After her, I got a taste for killing, but did my best to resist the desire. Until an older woman started hitting on my ten year old. And then again a few months later, someone else hit on Jesse. Again and again, elder women went after my son, each of them trying to seduce him while I was standing there watching, listening to them be disgusting wastes of flesh. Each one of them met their end at my hand and some of them were put on display for the world to see.

“Most of my victims had come after Jesse in some manner, but others I found in other ways. I took justice into my own hands and went after those that hunted on the weak and innocent, those unable to protect themselves. Rapists, human traffickers, abusers of all kinds; I made them pay for what they did. And I made sure the world never forgot them.

“Jesse came of age and left to pursue his dreams. I didn’t need to follow him; I knew he would be safe. He was a big boy now and had someone to watch his back. I wasn’t worried. So the Reaper went away, but the itch was always there. Always desiring to have another person under the blade to pay for what they had done in this world. And my answer came in the form of a beautiful cop that captured my heart and soul completely. I had someone else to protect and care for, but my obsession turned me from doing the best for society by removing undesirables to...to fulfilling my own twisted desires. I wanted to see flesh part and blood to flow out of wounds and to watch someone die; that’s what it turned into.

“That is why I admit to what I did. I cannot continue to walk the streets. I am a threat to everyone, including the ones I love. Especially the ones I love.”

Gabriel locked eyes with Jack and Jack closed his eyes. Tears gathered on his lashes, but he nodded sharply, approving of Gabriel’s decision. He wasn’t so far gone as to think that he could still safely walk the streets. He knew he was a threat. Good. Good.

“Gabriel Reyes, you are sentenced to three lifetime sentences of twenty-five years,” the judge said, “with no opportunity for parole. Case dismissed.”

The courtroom was silent as Gabriel got to his feet. No one cheered. No one booed. They just watched as Gabriel calmly followed the police out of the courtroom and to the truck waiting to take him back to prison. Jack swallowed heavily and tipped his head back, letting his tears fall down his face.

Gabriel sat down on his cot and glanced around at the bare walls. Solitary confinement; they always said it was worse than torture. He knew he’d go mad soon enough; maybe he’d be one of those people that the newspaper talked about killing the guards as they tried to escape.

He laughed at the idea, not caring if he did look mad. How arrogant he was to think that he could get out of here on his own. He was in solitary confinement for a reason. He would be kept under lock and key forever. No one would ever let him out.

He may as well get used to seeing white. White walls, white beds, white…well, everything. He sprawled out on the cot, staring up at the white ceiling. This was already torture and it had barely been a few minutes. Hell, his tortures were less cruel than this. At least his victims didn’t….

Wow, he really was fucked in the head. He laughed again, rolling onto his side and closing his eyes. Jack and Jesse were so much better off without him. They wouldn’t have someone ruining their lives from the shadows. They wouldn’t be forced to feel connected to someone like him. Yes, it was better this way; he was safely behind bars, Jack and Jesse were safe and capable of looking after themselves, and they had each other.

He let out a long sigh before he buried his face in the pillow. He knew he wouldn’t be here long; he’d get a knife in the gut from one of the prison guards within the month, he was sure. How many of them had been directly affected by his murders? They would take justice into their own hands, just like he did, and rid the world of one more monster.

He laughed as he fell asleep. Now, wasn’t that just poetic justice?

#reaper76 #serial killer AU #tw: child molestation #mentions of child molestation #you have been warned

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akiyama-san · 7 years ago

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I've noticed your comments about Love Live Sunshine and don't get me wrong, we all have our own opinions and I'm not telling you stop posting your negative thoughts about it, but why do you hate Love Live Sunshine so much? And if you hate it that much, why are you even watching it?

I suppose it comes off as hate doesn’t it? Well despite how it appears, it’s not entirely hate, it’s mostly disappointment, and while that might not sound much better i’ll try to explain what I mean, hopefully to a degree that it can be understood.

Spose I should start at the top shouldn’t I?

I think it goes without saying that this point that I didn’t like the original show at all, it had its moments, and 2 or 3 good characters, which isn’t saying much I realize but these casts are fucking bloated of course only a handful will be likeable. The concept seemed really fucking stupid from the outset, and it is, but I’ve seen worst, and as a first attempt by SunRise for an Idol show, to my knowledge, the idea to give it an actual plot to follow was in theory a noble one. It failed completely, but the thought was there. More to the point, almost everyone was completely flat, incredibly stupid, and beyond insufferable.

I’ll be honest, I can put up with a lot, and if I had chosen to watch it of my own volition I’d probably have been more forgiving of the writers dancing on active fault lines, but at the time some years back, I had several people breathing down my neck to watch the fucking show so I went in pissed off. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t change the fact that these characters say and do things that would make me want to hurt a small child, but I would still have been more kind to it in the long run.

Then the movie happened, and well.... Lets just say the series needed the fucking soft reboot that was Sunshine after that abysmal travesty of a movie that completely deficated on a third of the casts character development. I’m still trying to work out the quantum fucking mechanics of how Honoka could receive her microphone from her future fucking self BTW.

I openly admitted this at the time, and this is important because this is often overlooked by the crowd. I said that after the failure of the movie, and knowing that a new series was coming, if SunRise could learn from their mistakes, then I would gladly and open-mindedly go into Sunshine with a positive attitude and be kinder to it if the series was able to escape its charred charcoal burned roots.

Needless to say I was absolutely blown away by how incredibly Sunshine could be at times, and how baffling disgusting and incompetent it could be as well. I stress that Sunshine is wholly the better property I was able to enjoy more than whole episodes and character arcs completely this time around, as opposed to the original where I enjoyed maybe 10 minutes of its total 700 minute run from episode 1 to movie credits.

The series had incredible characters to start, those already good characters ACTUALLY GREW INTO EVEN BETTER CHARACTERS, THESE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY GROW AND MATURE AND THAT’S INCREDIBLE. I’ll say openly that the second years are some of the best characters I’ve seen in any anime in the past several years, and I would never hope to take away from that. Better was that we actually had rivals that we could see and understand, that weren’t placed on a pedestal for no discernable reason, one that stood on relatively even ground that could be combatted in real time, force growth and change upon both groups.

At the same time, while the series had heights and feats that rivaled Everest, it also had lows that would put the Mariana Trench to shame. No, I don’t care what anyone says, I will never get over all the bullshit that happened between Mari and Kanan, and how absolutely disgusting Kanan is, even now, refusing to grow up or stop being a cunt or do anything of value to the group you so claim to love. I’ll be generous and say I was fucking disgusted by SunRise repeating what happened with Honoka and Kotori in the first season here with Mari and Kanan, almost beat for beat. It was terrible the first time, and suicidally bad the second time.

To regain the focus, by then end of it while my opinions were of the mixed nuts variety with plenty of roasted salt, I still gave it a hearty recommendation because I thought it was genuinely pretty good, blue cuntveats notwithstanding.

NOW

Where my problem overall with Season 2 lies. If it disappointment and wasted potential were a physical force this series could level mountains.

From the beginning we’re told that we’re on an incredibly strict time crunch and that we need to focus all our efforts hardcore in the second round.

Only for almost literally all of the first 6 or 7 episodes to be nothing but filler and padding to waste time, where no growth or progression of any kind took place at all, and such wonderful gems as

Dia: Please call me Dia-Chan.

Chka: No!

and the omnipresent

Chika: Teach how to do a backflip

Kanan: Not on your fucking life!

Kanan: Oh shit she learned how to do the backflip...

Where it all came to a head however was with the reveal of just how many students the school actually had, because that was something that was never brought up. The total number of students is 68 when all are accounted for. And the is beyond miserable. 100 fucking students isn’t enough, to maintain the school you need at least 200, but closer to 300. With 68 students the school should’ve closed fucking years ago. The revelation of that number killed the entire fucking show, it made moot the efforts and development of every single fucking character, because no matter what, even if they had gotten 100 students, this same predicament would still inevitably rear its head once again next year or the year fuckin after.

I want to make clear, more than anyone else on this site, I have authority to speak on this matter, and no one can refute this, hell I’d barely even listen to them if they did because I severely fucking doubt they ever dealt with this sort of thing, if they did they would totally agree with me.

I have come face to face with a school closure myself. 15 years ago the district announced that my Elementary school would be closing, this school with 700 students that churned out some of the best results in the city might I add. It was a hard and long fought battle, it lasted 3 years, but eventually the parents won that war, and it’s still open now. How did they do that? By actually getting involved, going to meetings, talking directly to superintendents and comptrollers, explaining things like how some of them go to work really early or work late, they can’t send their kids anywhere else because they’d never be able to make it to other schools in the morning on time or pick up on time because of how far away they are, how different schools offer different programs, and not all schools offer the same accommodations for special needs children as this one did, ETC. The point is, the parents got active in the fight, the people that might have been able to affect the outcome did, and while it was no easy task, they did it, they actually fucking one that battle.

I don’t expect even a fraction of that to occur, but to at the same time tell me that the parents don’t know or care at all, much less any of the other fucking 59 students are powerless to help in any meaningful capacity is an absolute load of horse shit.

Where it started to bring my blood to a boil, nay to a bursting point, was what happened in the last to episodes with Saint Snow. The best song the franchise ever gave us was Self Control, followed by Shocking Party. This is a fact. From a single interaction some of the most intriguing and likeable characters we got were also Saint Snow. For them to be all but ignored in season 2 until 8 fucking episodes in is ludicrous, but for their first appearance in over 10 episodes to be them failing a concert and us not even getting to hear any of the fucking song, is insulting, it’s infuriating, it’s domestic abuse. This isn’t a slap in the face, this is Studio SunRise forcefully shoving their cock in your mouth against your will and punching you in the eyes with brass knuckles for crying about the cock in your mouth.

Honest to God, if I wasn’t committed to seeing this through, these last two episodes would be my first set my merchandise on fire moment, and that is saying a lot. It might sound like i’m being overdramatic, but honestly there are a lot of people that agree with me on this matter.

I did a lot of thinking in writing this post and it took me the better part of an hour to write it. I still hold fast on my thoughts about the original, 2/10 garbage.

I still hold to my opinions of season 1 Sunshine, 7/10 very good.

But this season? Well let me put it this way, I score every episode and tally the scores at the end, if season one got a 70 percent

Season 2 probably wouldn’t even reach a combined 20/130

I will still recommend newcomers to Sunshine season 1 absolutely, but I will also absolutely tell them to pretend season 2 never happened, do not watch it because it will make you commit homicide in the aftermath.

Why do I hate Sunshine Season 2?

Because SunRise finds new and exciting ways to fail at absolutely everything on every single level every week. I infamously gave the movie a 1/10, in the long run, I think I would sooner rewatch that movie on loop than ever rewatch this season of Sunshine ever again.

#love live #love live sunshine #love live school idol project #Anonymous

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katsukikitten · 4 years ago

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I believe what makes BNHA such an amazing story is how HUMAN everyone in the manga is. How flawed the characters are and even how skewed the memories can be(which makes sense we all have a biased view on our own experiences) I think we are missing some key memories before we get to the bottom of the tipping point for Dabi.

My theory is that after Touya and his quirk began to burn out I theorize (and would wholeheartedly hope to believe) that Endavor stopped training him. Either all together for fear of him getting hurt or at a less intense level. Giving Touya a complex as Enji and Rei have more children. At some point (as most teenage and parent relationships go) there was a HUGE lack of communication which could explain Touya's spiral to a crisis and wanting to kill Shoto all together, since Shoto was stealing away his "father's love".

They say he dies in a fire but I'm beginning to wonder if he tried to do Enji's signature move Prominance burn in an attempt to again be the apple of his father's eye, maybe even acciddntly killing someone caught in the cross fire considering all that was left was a jaw bone. (I also think there may be some culture factors and family dynamics we are missing as western readers imo)

Now I'm unsure as to when the harsher training for Shoto comes into play. Is it before or after Touya "dies"? If it is after, then there is a high chance the harsher training is masked fear to protect his other son from being burned alive by his own quirk.

I cannot dismiss that some things said by Endeavor, especially about his broken wife, were not down right cruel but I think the one saving grace Enji has is the fact that he doesn't ask his children for forgiveness because he thinks he doesn't deserve it.

And quite frankly he doesn't but it is about what his kids need for closure. Whether that is to forgive him and support his change, or never forgive him but still support his change, or to all and all not have him in their life. But ultimately it is all up to the children

(Which that's a whole different post about how just because your dad abused you doesn't mean you get to kill 30 plus people)

I'm not sure that Enji broke Rei so much as Touya's death broke the family. Enji becomes a "man" and cuts off his emotions, driving his twisted fear into protecting his son Shoto from his own quick and somewhere along the way forgetting how to be a decent human being from shutting off his emotions too long.

I understand that Rei had a lot of mental pressure, and although I have not experienced an abusive relationship I know they can be difficult to escape. I just don't see how her mental breakdown and burning Shoto is something that is forgivable. I'm also curious as to which him she is referring to just before she burns the half of Shoto she sees as hideous. Does she mean Enji? And in what sense are all of the children turning into him (assumed Enji) if he ignores his "failures" we truly need to see everyone's point of view to get the most perfect picture of what exactly happened to the Todorki family.

Again I do not condone any of the abuse or suffering that Enji either purposefully or inadvertently put his children through however I do see someone who is finally starting to change. I believe him when he says he would have given it all up for Touya. And I interpret that as, had he known that this would be the future he created for his children, for his eldest, he would have thrown it all away and been the dad he should have been this whole fucking time.

But life doesn't fucking work like that where you know the future so he, although a day late and a dollar short, tries to change. To be what his family needs whether that is being actively present in their lives or watching over them from the shadows. Personally I don't think this redemption arc is going badly.

It will be interesting to see if Enji let's Dabi kill him so he can "atone" for his sins. Bonus points if Shoto saves his dad and some how by the grace of God saves Dabi in some sense.

Endeavor - The Dangers of Biased Memories

One thing i really like about MHA chapter 291, is that it paints a very clear picture of how endeavor thinks about his past actions. Namely he truely does regret them, but he simply isnt able to see his own past actions in their true light.

Its a very human thing to do, but it also goes to show what Endeavor’s big problem is. He isnt able to understand that everything about his past, from its very foundations were wrong, and thus, he isnt able to really, truly change in regards to his view on hero work and his family.

Endeavor just isnt able to understand that it was his obession with hero work that destroyed him, his wife and laid the foundation for a broken family, and that if he truely does want to make ammends with his family, he cannot simply just be a better hero. being the best hero was what destroyed him in the first place, and its what his son called him out on in chapter 290. the past doesnt forget, and if youre not willing to fully accept it, consider it, and actually introspect and understand what you did wrong, you will never change.

As he sees his son before his eyes again, Endeavor flashes back to happier times, at least in his perspective. His son happy to be training with his fire power.

it is however, a lie, one that endeavor is telling to himself. there was never a point where Endeavors awfull motivation wasnt tarnishing everything he tried to build, both with himself, his abused wife and his children

This is where the road of his pushing Touya to become the best hero he could possibly be ended up, with a emotionally destroyed teenager who had an extencial crisis once he got old enough to truely comprehend what his father was doing. and in the end, he destroyed himself pushing himself as far as he possibly could, just like endeavour wanted.

yet, rather than confront the fact he was wrong from the very beginning, and that his very fundamentals were rotten, endeavor pretends in his own mind that there was something noble in his training of touya.

He just isnt able to accept that While he may or may not have treated Touya as harshly as he later would todoroki(my guess is that he did, but we just arent shown it here, because this is his own flashback and he isnt focusing on it) He didnt have a shred of noble motivation for doing any of this. Touya was when it came down to it, a means to an end.

The reason why Touya mattered to endeavor, as compared to his daughter who he tried to distance from her big brother from the moment she was born, was that he had a quirk more powerfull than his own, and thus had greater potential.

that was his only motivation. as we were shown time and again with shouto in the earlier chapters of the manga.

He made it perfectly clear that he only made shoto as a means to an end and that was the end of it.

however, faced with Dabi, he just isnt able to admitt this very, very ugly fact about himself. he WANTS so badly, to be able to think that there was something noble about him as a father to his son, who’s death he blamed himself for.

He tries to tell himself in his own mind that he would have been willing to let go of his obsession, hatred, and all of it for Touya’s sake, when what actually happened proved that it just wasnt the case.

When Touya dissapeared, Endeavor did the exact opposite, and doubled down making shoto his “masterpiece”. And now, rather than take responsibility for his actions, and acknowledge his part into the making of the monster before him, he tries to desperatly justify himself, and rewrite the past in his own mind by not focusing on the bad stuff.

It’s an incredible human thing to do, but it also proves that endeavor hasnt really changed all that much fundamentally deep down. he still refuses to take full responsibility for his actions and acknowledge that he was, in fact, wrong. hundred, percent, no argument about it wrong.

And as long as he isnt able to do that, he is never going to be able to truly grow as a person.

#bnha manga spoilers #bnha spoilers

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