#something something "never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”

[goodvibesandmemes]

MOVIE MEMES: “The Princess Bride” (1987) 🏰👸🏽🤺 ↳ Please feel free to tweak them etc.

Themes: swords, fighting, violence, magic, weapons, fantasy, war, medieval-like era, friendship, death, epic battles, blades

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” “I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?” “Let me put it this way, have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons.” “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” “There was a mighty duel.” “You’ve been mostly dead all day.” “Hear this now: I will always come for you.” “I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed.” “My way's not very sportsman-like.” “I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.” “You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?” “You mock my pain.” “When I was your age, television was called books.” “I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.” “You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.” “Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.” “Anybody want a peanut?” “That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.” “Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.” “You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.” “Inconceivable!” “Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.” “This is true love. You think this happens every day?” “[name], tear his arms off.” “I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.” “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” “It's not that bad! Well, I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.” “Why won't my arms move?” “You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.” “I always think that everything could be a trap, which is why I'm still alive.” “Rest well and dream of large women.” “Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.” “I want my father back, you son of a bitch.” “You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.” “Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.” “It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.” “My name is [name]. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” “You can’t hurt me. [name] and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.” “There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a pity to damage yours.” “You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.” “Beat it, or I'll call the Brute Squad.” “I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.” “Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.” “Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” “Oh no, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.” “As you wish.” “We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.” “I can’t compete with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.” “I've never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.” “I think you're bluffing.”

[mothballmilkshake]

A preview

Something is cooking for Top!Alastor Week starting on the 30th of September...

@henchy5824 Ah, I already posted my WIP Wednesday! Ha ha! Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

[nel-world]

funny scene

Movies "Step Brothers" (2008) - Bunk Bed Scene

Dale: "Hey, you awake?" Brennan: "Yeah." Dale: "I just had the craziest dream. I was driving a helicopter with a cat." Brennan: "Did we just become best friends?" Dale: "Yup!" "Shaun of the Dead" (2004) - Don't Stop Me Now

Shaun: "Okay, Diane, kill the Queen!" David: "What?" Shaun: "The jukebox!" "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" (2005) - Waxing Scene

Andy: "Oooooh! Kelly Clarkson!" "Hot Fuzz" (2007) - The Model Village

Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?" Danny Butterman: "No." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?" Danny Butterman: "No." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever been in a high-speed pursuit?" Danny Butterman: "Yes, I have." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high-speed pursuit?" Danny Butterman: "No." "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" (2004) - The 5 D's of Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." Justin: "What?" [Patches throws a wrench at Justin] TV Shows "Friends" (Season 5, Episode 8 - "The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks")

Joey: "Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD." Ross: "Tonight, on a very special Blossom." "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 5, Episode 23 - "Michael Scott Paper Company")

Michael: "Well, well, well, how the turntables…" Jim: "Have turned." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 5, Episode 14 - "Leslie and Ben")

Ben: "I am super chill all the time." Leslie: "Oh, Ben, you beautiful spineless jellyfish." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 5, Episode 22 - "Jake & Amy")

Jake: "Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt." Amy: "Are you okay?" Jake: "Totally." "Arrested Development" (Season 3, Episode 9 - "S.O.B.s")

Lucille: "I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it." "New Girl" (Season 2, Episode 15 - "Cooler")

Nick: "Not a chance, Jessica Day. I’d rather kiss a toilet seat!" Jess: "I’m about to say something serious. I hope you’re ready. I think I’m too drunk to marry you." "How I Met Your Mother" (Season 1, Episode 15 - "Game Night")

Barney: "Legendary!" Marshall: "What's the opposite of eating? Isn't it barfing?" "Community" (Season 3, Episode 4 - "Remedial Chaos Theory")

Troy: "I’m a sexy dracula." Abed: "You mean vampire." Troy: "I don’t need to know which dracula I am to know I’m sexy." These scenes offer a variety of humor from slapstick to clever wordplay, showcasing the comedic talents

Movies "The Hangover" (2009) - Wake-Up Scene

Alan: "Hey, guys, you ready to let the dogs out?" Stu: "What?" Alan: "You know, let the dogs out. Who, who?" "Groundhog Day" (1993) - Ned Ryerson Scene

Ned: "Phil? Phil Connors? I thought that was you! Hi, how you doing? Ned Ryerson! Needle-nose Ned? Ned the Head? Come on, buddy. Case Western High? Ned Ryerson?" Phil: "Bing!" "Mean Girls" (2004) - Kevin Gnapoor's Rap

Kevin: "All you sucka MCs ain't got nothing on me. From my grades to my lines, you can't touch Kevin G. I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard, I'm like James Bond the Third. Shaken, not stirred, I'm Kevin Gnapoor. The G is silent when I sneak in your door." "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" (1994) - The Opening Scene

Ace Ventura: "Mmmmm, yes, Satan? Oh, I’m sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else." "The Princess Bride" (1987) - The Battle of Wits

Vizzini: "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" TV Shows "Friends" (Season 3, Episode 2 - "The One Where No One's Ready")

Joey: "Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I BE wearing any more clothes?" Chandler: "I'm not looking at you. I'm looking at the pillows." "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 7, Episode 19 - "Garage Sale")

Michael: "Holly Flax, marrying me will you be?" Holly: "Your wife becoming will I." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 2, Episode 10 - "Hunting Trip")

Ron: "I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus, and then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 3, Episode 3 - "Boyle's Hunch")

Jake: "Title of your sex tape." Boyle: "What's the plan?" Jake: "Title of your sex tape." "How I Met Your Mother" (Season 2, Episode 9 - "Slap Bet")

Marshall: "You just got slapped! Bet you're feeling pretty stupid right about now. Slapsgiving is upon us!" Barney: "That was three slaps ago, Slap God!" "Scrubs" (Season 2, Episode 1 - "My Overkill")

Dr. Cox: "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring." J.D.: "I care, I just don't care about you." "Community" (Season 1, Episode 23 - "Modern Warfare")

Jeff: "Come with me if you don't want paint on your clothes." Abed: "Cool. Cool cool cool." "Archer" (Season 2, Episode 4 - "Pipeline Fever")

Archer: "Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants." These additional scenes highlight the comedic brilliance

TV Shows "Friends" (Season 5, Episode 14 - "The One Where Everybody Finds Out")

Phoebe and Rachel discover that Monica and Chandler are secretly dating. Phoebe and Chandler engage in a hilarious seduction standoff, culminating in Chandler's confession. "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 5, Episode 13 - "Stress Relief")

Dwight's fire drill prank leads to chaos and hilarity in the office, with memorable moments like Stanley's heart attack and Angela throwing her cat into the ceiling. "Parks and Recreation" (Season 4, Episode 11 - "The Comeback Kid")

Leslie's team tries to set up a campaign rally in a gym, resulting in a series of comedic disasters, including a tiny ice rink and a disastrous entrance down a slippery ramp. "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 1, Episode 6 - "Halloween")

Jake bets Captain Holt that he can steal his Medal of Valor before midnight, leading to a series of elaborate and humorous heist antics. "Seinfeld" (Season 8, Episode 9 - "The Abstinence")

George becomes a genius when he stops having sex, leading to a series of funny scenes where he impresses everyone with his newfound intellect, while Elaine's lack of sex makes her dumber. These scenes are just a small sampling

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" (2004) - News Team Fight

Ron Burgundy: "Boy, that escalated quickly… I mean, that really got out of hand fast!" Brian Fantana: "It jumped up a notch." Brick Tamland: "Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart." Ron Burgundy: "I saw that! Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?" "Dumb and Dumber" (1994) - The Toilet Scene

Harry: "Lloyd, what are you doing?" Lloyd: "It feels good to mingle with these laid-back country folk, don't it, Harry?" Harry: "I like it a lot." "The Naked Gun" (1988) - Baseball Scene

Frank Drebin: "Strike? Strike? All right, let me check one more thing." [Frank dances around in exaggerated umpire gestures] TV Shows "Friends" (Season 5, Episode 14 - "The One Where Everybody Finds Out")

Phoebe: "They don't know that we know they know we know!" Chandler: "All right, enough! No one is sleeping with anyone!" "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 5, Episode 13 - "Stress Relief")

Dwight: "Today, smoking is going to save lives." Michael: "Oh, my God! It's happening! Everybody stay calm!" Oscar: "What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure?" "Parks and Recreation" (Season 4, Episode 11 - "The Comeback Kid")

Leslie: "Oh my God, everything is falling apart." Ben: "I think this ice rink was a mistake." Tom: "I have never been more embarrassed in my entire life." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 1, Episode 6 - "Halloween")

Jake: "I stole your Medal of Valor!" Holt: "Impossible!" Jake: "Well, then, what’s this?" Holt: "My Medal of Valor!" "Seinfeld" (Season 8, Episode 9 - "The Abstinence")

George: "My mind is like a computer." Jerry: "So what are you gonna do now?" George: "I think I’ll read a book. From beginning to end. In that order." Elaine: "I don’t know what’s happening to me, Jerry. I think I'm getting dumber." These dialogues capture the humor

their dialogues:

Movies "Superbad" (2007) - McLovin Scene

Officer Michaels: "What's your name?" Fogell: "Uh, it's McLovin." Officer Slater: "McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?" Fogell: "No, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there." Officer Michaels: "And you landed on McLovin?" Fogell: "Yeah, it was between that or Muhammad." Officer Slater: "Why the hell would it be between that or Muhammad?" "Mrs. Doubtfire" (1993) - Dinner Scene

Mrs. Doubtfire (Daniel): "It was a run-by fruiting!" Stu: "What?" Mrs. Doubtfire (Daniel): "I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists, they ran that way. It was a run-by fruiting." "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (1986) - Ben Stein's Classroom

Economics Teacher: "In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the… Anyone? Anyone? The Great Depression, passed the… Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered… raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression." "Zoolander" (2001) - The Gasoline Fight

Derek Zoolander: "Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty." [Cut to the gasoline fight scene] Derek: "Orange Mocha Frappuccino!" [Friends start spraying each other with gasoline] [The scene ends in a hilarious but tragic explosion] "Bridesmaids" (2011) - The Dress Shop

Annie: "This is some classy sh—" [gets interrupted by stomach cramps] Lillian: "Annie, are you okay?" Annie: "I'm fine, I just… there's something in my stomach…" Megan: "It's happening. It happened." Lillian: "What did you do?" Megan: "I crapped in the sink." TV Shows "Friends" (Season 4, Episode 12 - "The One with the Embryos")

Ross: "What is Chandler Bing's job?" Rachel: "Oh gosh, it has something to do with numbers… and processing… uh… he carries a briefcase…" Monica: "No! It's… something to do with transponding." Chandler: "I’m sorry, the answer we were looking for was 'Transponster!'" Monica: "That's not even a word!" "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 4, Episode 5 - "Dinner Party")

Michael: "Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far… Fleischmann’s Margarine." Jim: "That's two words." Michael: "Compound word." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 3, Episode 13 - "The Fight")

Ron: "I regret nothing. The end." Leslie: "Ron, how did you get here?" Ron: "I have no idea." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 2, Episode 22 - "The Chopper")

Jake: "Tell me about the dream, Scully." Scully: "I was in a chopper. It was raining meatballs." Jake: "Was it awesome?" Scully: "Yeah, it was awesome." "Arrested Development" (Season 1, Episode 2 - "Top Banana")

Gob: "I’m gonna build an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael?" Michael: "So you can fly away from your problems?" Gob: "No, because it’s the only way to get to Hawaii." These scenes and dialogues are iconic

with dialogue:

Movies "The Hangover" (2009) - Wake-Up Scene

Alan: "Hey, guys, you ready to let the dogs out?" Stu: "What?" Alan: "You know, let the dogs out. Who, who?" "Groundhog Day" (1993) - Ned Ryerson Scene

Ned: "Phil? Phil Connors? I thought that was you! Hi, how you doing? Ned Ryerson! Needle-nose Ned? Ned the Head? Come on, buddy. Case Western High? Ned Ryerson?" Phil: "Bing!" "Mean Girls" (2004) - Kevin Gnapoor's Rap

Kevin: "All you sucka MCs ain't got nothing on me. From my grades to my lines, you can't touch Kevin G. I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard, I'm like James Bond the Third. Shaken, not stirred, I'm Kevin Gnapoor. The G is silent when I sneak in your door." "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" (1994) - The Opening Scene

Ace Ventura: "Mmmmm, yes, Satan? Oh, I’m sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else." "The Princess Bride" (1987) - The Battle of Wits

Vizzini: "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" TV Shows "Friends" (Season 3, Episode 2 - "The One Where No One's Ready")

Joey: "Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I BE wearing any more clothes?" Chandler: "I'm not looking at you. I'm looking at the pillows." "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 7, Episode 19 - "Garage Sale")

Michael: "Holly Flax, marrying me will you be?" Holly: "Your wife becoming will I." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 2, Episode 10 - "Hunting Trip")

Ron: "I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus, and then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 3, Episode 3 - "Boyle's Hunch")

Jake: "Title of your sex tape." Boyle: "What's the plan?" Jake: "Title of your sex tape." "How I Met Your Mother" (Season 2, Episode 9 - "Slap Bet")

Marshall: "You just got slapped! Bet you're feeling pretty stupid right about now. Slapsgiving is upon us!" Barney: "That was three slaps ago, Slap God!" "Scrubs" (Season 2, Episode 1 - "My Overkill")

Dr. Cox: "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring." J.D.: "I care, I just don't care about you." "Community" (Season 1, Episode 23 - "Modern Warfare")

Jeff: "Come with me if you don't want paint on your clothes." Abed: "Cool. Cool cool cool." "Archer" (Season 2, Episode 4 - "Pipeline Fever")

Archer: "Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants." These additional scenes highlight th

with memorable dialogues:

Movies "Step Brothers" (2008) - Bunk Bed Scene

Dale: "Hey, you awake?" Brennan: "Yeah." Dale: "I just had the craziest dream. I was driving a helicopter with a cat." Brennan: "Did we just become best friends?" Dale: "Yup!" "Shaun of the Dead" (2004) - Don't Stop Me Now

Shaun: "Okay, Diane, kill the Queen!" David: "What?" Shaun: "The jukebox!" "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" (2005) - Waxing Scene

Andy: "Oooooh! Kelly Clarkson!" "Hot Fuzz" (2007) - The Model Village

Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?" Danny Butterman: "No." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?" Danny Butterman: "No." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever been in a high-speed pursuit?" Danny Butterman: "Yes, I have." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high-speed pursuit?" Danny Butterman: "No." "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" (2004) - The 5 D's of Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." Justin: "What?" [Patches throws a wrench at Justin] TV Shows "Friends" (Season 5, Episode 8 - "The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks")

Joey: "Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD." Ross: "Tonight, on a very special Blossom." "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 5, Episode 23 - "Michael Scott Paper Company")

Michael: "Well, well, well, how the turntables…" Jim: "Have turned." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 5, Episode 14 - "Leslie and Ben")

Ben: "I am super chill all the time." Leslie: "Oh, Ben, you beautiful spineless jellyfish." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 5, Episode 22 - "Jake & Amy")

Jake: "Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt." Amy: "Are you okay?" Jake: "Totally." "Arrested Development" (Season 3, Episode 9 - "S.O.B.s")

Lucille: "I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it." "New Girl" (Season 2, Episode 15 - "Cooler")

Nick: "Not a chance, Jessica Day. I’d rather kiss a toilet seat!" Jess: "I’m about to say something serious. I hope you’re ready. I think I’m too drunk to marry you." "How I Met Your Mother" (Season 1, Episode 15 - "Game Night")

Barney: "Legendary!" Marshall: "What's the opposite of eating? Isn't it barfing?" "Community" (Season 3, Episode 4 - "Remedial Chaos Theory")

Troy: "I’m a sexy dracula." Abed: "You mean vampire." Troy: "I don’t need to know which dracula I am to know I’m sexy." These scenes offer a

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 26 of 26

Title: The Princess Bride (1973, 1998/2003 reprint) 

Author: William Goldman 

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy, Romance, First-Person, Third-Person 

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 9/14/2020

Date Finished: 9/25/2020

Young Buttercup has found her one true love -- a farm boy named Westley. Westley leaves to seek his fortune so that the two can be happy. However, when she learns Westley’s ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, a man who takes no prisoners, she knows he must be dead. Devastated, she vows to never love again. Despite being a commoner, her beauty catches the attention of the horrid Prince Humperdinck of Florin. Buttercup is soon forced into a loveless betrothal to the Prince. 

Now a princess, Buttercup is kidnapped by three mysterious men-- the Sicilian criminal philosopher Vizzini, master swordsman Inigo Montoya, and Fezzik the gentle giant-- and learns the three plan to murder her and frame the neighboring country of Guilder. However, the group is tailed by a relentless, mysterious man in black, who seems like he will stop at nothing to catch them.  

"Fool!” cried the hunchback. “You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is ‘Never get involved in a land war in Asia,’ but only slightly less known is this: ‘Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.’” 

He was quite cheery until the iocane powder took effect. 

Minor spoilers(?) under the cut. 

Somehow, I've never read The Princess Bride. Considering I read a lot and have seen the classic movie maybe two dozen times, that seems like a gross oversight on my part. So I figured, why not cap off my reading goal for the year with a classic?

It's really hard to review this book without the context of the beloved 1987 film. If you've reached this point in your life and have not seen The Princess Bride, please close this review and go watch it-- if only for the pop culture clout you'll get from it. William Goldman wrote both the book and the screenplay, and the adaptation is alarmingly faithful to the source material. Almost every classic line from "inconceivable!" to "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die" is lifted straight from the book. Aside from a few differences, the story beats are virtually the same. Reading this felt like watching an extended cut of the movie, and it's impossible for me to imagine book scenes without picturing the stellar film cast.

That's not to say they're identical pieces of media. Each has distinct advantages over the other. The Princess Bride novel is much more detailed. You learn more about supporting characters like Inigo Montoya and Fezzik and their backstories. Certain locations are different, such as the Pit of Despair actually being something more complicated/gruesome called the Zoo of Death. The written format also allows for some running jokes that are either absent or heavily modified in the film. For example, Goldman makes fun of the anachronistic nature of the story by referencing time in odd ways, like something taking place "after soup, but before Paris". Fezzik compulsively rhyming, a one-off joke in the movie, is a recurring gag in his narration. Stuff like that.

The frame story is also more complex, centered around a fictionalized version of the author (though many memorable beats from the movie's frame story are still there). The gimmick of the book is that William Goldman is adapting a "good parts version" of a classic historic fairy tale, based on what he remembers from his father reading it to him as a sick child. While I rarely see frame stories done well, Goldman utilizes his to really up the comedic value through constant editorial comments and asides. It mostly enhances the story, though the intro drags a bit, especially because it's longer in subsequent editions.

Where I think the movie shines compared to its source material is, unsurprisingly, the visual component. The sword fight choreography in the film is amazing, and while the novel makes a valiant effort, it just doesn't compare to seeing it performed. Ironically enough, I think the movie succeeds as a "good parts" version of the book by condensing the story in a satisfying way. While the book is inherently more detailed, I don't feel like anything big was lost in adaptation, just simplified or shifted around. This is so rare in film adaptations that I'm still shocked. Holes is the only other film that comes to mind that does this so well (though there’s probably other examples I’m just not aware of). 

But how do I feel about the book itself? It's fun. It's set up like a fairy tale adventure story with a lot of tongue-in-cheek humor about the genre. If you like classic adventure stories with seriously memetic humor and memorable characters, it's hard to go wrong with The Princess Bride. Some tropes haven't aged super well, and I think a more modern take would be interesting, but for a 1973 novel it's pretty good. I don't have much more to say about it!  

The 25th anniversary edition (1998 and onward) has some bonus stuff, mainly one chapter of a (fake?) sequel called "Buttercup's Baby". The frame story again has a super long, dragging intro. There is little to the actual story, just a few bonus scenes of what happened/may happen to the main characters after the main story. While I like some of the jokes and ideas, I'm not sure I really "get it". Did Goldman work on a sequel at one point and scrap it, and published this bit for the reprint? Am I missing a joke? No idea. There's an early joke that the full thing should be out by the 50th anniversary in 2023. Unfortunately, Goldman passed in 2018, so we'll probably never see that particular joke (or surprise publication) pay off. If I really, really had to pick between the movie and the book, I think I prefer the movie just a little more. It could be nostalgia, but I feel the movie has most of the book’s memorable writing with the excellent visual presentation and stellar cast. It's a perfect realization of the source material. What more could anyone want? But I'm glad I read the book for the nostalgia trip and extra insight into one of my favorite movies.  

[worddevdealswithml]

The Prince’s Bride

Chapter 8: Iocane and Wits

“But really, you fell for the most obvious blunder of all.  The most famous, of course, is to never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less known is this,” she spread her arms out exultantly, “never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line.”

She laughed, the sound starting as a mild chuckle, and then growing, almost maniacal, the laugh of a woman who had been pushed to the wall, but had come back for a glorious victory.

To the wrong eye, the scene was… uninteresting.  The ground was water and bare stone; hardly anything that should have given valuable information.

But a beast could smell its quarry, and he…

He could see trails of emotion, fading away as the time had passed, but still visible to someone with the right Miraculous.  And yet…

“I would almost guess that they were friends, glad to meet each other,” he said, frowning.  “And yet the path suggests a fight between two masters of the craft, each putting forth their greatest efforts.”

“And how did it end?”

He straightened up, and turned to the search party he had assembled, and, more specifically, to Nathalie, whose deadpan expression suggested that this was nothing more than business to her, just as he liked it.

“The loser ran off alone, recently, and the winner—"  he pointed to the path that led up into the mountain path, “—Followed the oldest trace, into the Gilded Kingdom’s frontier.”

“Shall we track them both?”

He shook his head.  “The loser is of no importance anymore.  All that matters here is the safe retrieval of Adrien.”  He turned to the assembled warriors that made up the search party.

“It disturbs me that his kidnappers would bring him to the Gilded Kingdom.  We must be prepared for whatever lies ahead.”

“Do you mean a trap, sir?”

“I am eternally preparing myself for traps,” he said, coming to his feet.  “I wouldn’t be alive otherwise.”

He caught the nervous glances between members of the entourage.

He turned to them.

“Rest assured, given even the barest instant of warning—” and at that, he flexed his fingers, and glimmering white shapes were for a moment visible, moving as if alive, “—I will not hesitate to make you the equals of any challenge.”

He met their eyes in turn, and was pleased to see them relax, slightly.

Good.  There was every chance of a war, and his best chance of victory lay in being a leader that could rally his soldiers.

Until then, though, it was time to retrieve his son.

It felt as if she’d been climbing for hours, even though it couldn’t have been much longer than 45 minutes, and she had finally made it to the peak of the mountain.

And there…

Two people sat on the other side of a… table?  A large stone, with a tablecloth? Having a picnic?

Then her eyes focused properly, and she realized that although there was a fine selection of food, this was no picnic.

Because Adrien, and it was certainly Adrien, had a knife to his throat, and a blindfold across his eyes.

She slowed to a bare walk.

The woman holding the knife studied her, smiling lightly.  Judging by her clothes, she wasn’t even using a Miraculous, but…  She had a hostage.

“So,” she said, when they were finally close enough together, “it is down to you, and it is down to me.”

She nodded, and took a step forward.

“Oh, by all means, if you want him dead, keep coming.”

The knife came a little bit closer to Adrien’s neck.

“Let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain. You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.”

“Maybe we can reach an arrangement.”

“There will be no ‘arrangement,’ and you’re killing him.”

She stopped dead, and a long second passed.

She frowned.  “But if we can’t reach an arrangement, then we’re at an impasse.”

Lila, for this had to be the ‘Lila’ she’d heard about, shrugged.

“I’m afraid so.  I can’t possibly beat you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.”

She raised her eyebrows. “No match?  You’re that smart?”

She grinned.  “A woman doesn’t need a miraculous to be something special.  Why do you think I didn’t take one for myself?”

She took a deep breath.

“Well…  In that case, I only see one way forward.  I challenge you to a battle of wits.”

Lila’s smile, which had faded, widened again.  “For him,” she jabbed the knife unnervingly close to Adrien.

She nodded.

“To the death?”

Another nod.

“I accept.”

“Good.  Then do you have anything to fill those cups with?”

Lila reached down, pulled up a small skin, and poured what must have been wine.

She nodded slowly, and then closed her eyes as if thinking.

“Do I have…”  She smiled, and turned away, producing as she turned back…

“I do,” she said, holding a small, twisted packet in one hand.

“Have you ever heard of… Iocane powder?”

Lila tilted her head slightly.

“I have.”

“I trust you know its properties?  Odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in most liquids.  An especially deadly poison.”

“I’ve used it once or twice,” said Lila, “you recall the assassination of Prince Himperdunk, from a few years ago?  I was speaking to him as his drink was being poisoned with it.”

“I heard it was done with arsenic.”

She shrugged.  “You must have misheard.”

“I suppose I must have,” she said, taking ahold of the goblets Lila had filled.

She turned, and a few seconds passed.

When she turned back, the packet was gone, and she slowly, carefully, offered one, then the other, to Lila, before finally putting one in front of each of them.

“Alright then.  Where is the poison?  The battle of wits has begun.”

“That’s it?” said Lila, eyebrows raised.  “But it’s so simple.  All I have to do is divine from what I know of you; are you the sort of woman who would put the poison into her own goblet, or her enemy’s?”

She shrugged.  “Now, if you were wise, you would put the poison into your own wine, knowing only a great fool would immediately accept the wine given to them.  I of course, am not a great fool, so I cannot accept the wine in front of me.”

She nodded, lightly, at Lila’s reasoning.

“But on the other hand, you already know that I’m not a great fool.  You would have counted on it!  So, of course, I can’t choose the wine in front of you.”

Her expression was stoic. “Then you’ve made your choice?”

“Not remotely! Because Iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals.  Criminals, of course, are used to not having anyone trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.”

“You’re starting to lose me.”

“Wait ‘til I get going!” Lila blinked.  “Where was I?”

“Australia.”

“Ah yes.  And, of course, you must have suspected I would know the poison’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.”

She leaned back.

“You’re just stalling.”

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you!” she said, eyes flaring.  She seemed to be trying to bore a hole through her opponent at this point.

“You’ve beaten both of my champions.  One of them was strong, so to beat him, you must have been stronger, meaning that you might be counting on your strength to save you.  Clearly, then, I cannot choose the wine in front of you.  But! The other was precise and skillful, and to beat her, you must have been even more precise and skillful, which means you would be intimately aware with the fragility of mortality, so you would put the poison as far from yourself as possible, meaning that I clearly cannot choose the wine in front of me.”

Her expression, still stoic, now seemed to almost be sinking into displeasure.

“You’re trying to trick me into giving something away.  It won’t work.”

Lila opened her mouth, to begin another tirade, and then froze.

Slowly, she sat back in her spot, and the grin spread across her face.

“You’re wrong.  It has worked.  You’ve given everything away.  You gave it away before this battle even started.”

“Then make your choice.”

“Oh, oh I have.”  She reached down for the cup in front of her, and raised it up.

“Adrien?  Open your mouth.”

Lila stared smugly at her opponent, whose expression was still blank, but different; it was a frozen blank.

Adrien seemed unwilling to do so, but she put up a hand, applied a little pressure, and… his jaw fell open, just enough to allow—

“Wait!”

Lila turned her attention away from Adrien.

“Yes?”

She gestured at the cup.

“Oh, would you prefer we switch?”  Lila tilted her head side to side, and then smiled, switching the positions of the cups. “Well then, by all means.  I like to consider myself a generous woman.”

She took the other cup.

“Then lets drink.  Me from my glass, and you, from yours.”

Her hand was shaking on the goblet that Adrien had been about to drink from, Lila’s smile boring a hole in her self-control.

She clenched her hand, and then, in a single motion, downed the contents of the glass.

Lila matched the motion, a trifle more discreet.

A second passed.

“Well then,” said Lila, “do you want to know what your mistake was, before you die?”

“Tell me.”

“You made it clear you cared about him.  Every move you made was calculated to avoid even the slightest bit of harm to him, which means, the instant I threatened him, you’d have to panic.  I know real fear when I see it, and you were afraid of him drinking from that cup.”

She paused, grinning widely.

“But really, you fell for the most obvious blunder of all.  The most famous, of course, is to never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less known is this,” she spread her arms out exultantly, “never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line.”

She laughed, the sound starting as a mild chuckle, and then growing, almost maniacal, the laugh of a woman who had been pushed to the wall, but had come back for a glorious victory.

And then, there was a crackling sound, and her eyes widened for a bare instant, before glazing over.

She crumpled in on herself, crumbling to dust before the woman in black’s eyes.

She smiled, and then bent over slightly, letting out a quiet groan.

Then, with an effort, she straightened, and went to Adrien.

She removed the blindfold.

Adrien blinked, as she stared carefully into his eyes, and then she nodded.

He looked over at the remains of Lila, and his eyes widened.

“Who are you?”

“I am no one to be trifled with.  That’s all you need to know for now.”

She pulled him upright, removing the bindings from his hands as she did so.

He looked back from her at the pile of dust that had been Lila.

“I’ve never heard of Iocane powder.  I’ve never heard of any poison that could do that to a person.”

She laughed.  “Iocane powder is an old poisoner’s myth, a useful shorthand for something supposedly untraceable”

“Then…  What killed her?  There must have been some poison, or…”  He shook his head.  “To think; she thought she saw real fear, but the whole time, the real danger was the other drink.”

“She would have died whichever she drank from,” said the woman in black.  “and so would you.”

“But…  But you drank from it! Did you… Build up an immunity or something?”

“You’re closer than you might think.”

She pulled him along after her.

“It took me years to really understand the versatility of this Miraculous, but I eventually discovered a strange quirk; I can disintegrate whatever I touch, but water, or… wine, are already disintegrated.  The water insulates the effects until, for whatever reason, it is ingested, or evaporated. Those goblets are likely pitted beyond use by now, and you saw what happened to Lila, but the worst I’ll face is stomach pain.”

Adrien looked back at where Lila had been, and there was a sinking sensation in his guts.

Lila had been bad enough.

This woman… She didn’t have the blustering, boasting Lila had had, or Nino’s relaxed nature, or even Alya’s sharp tongue.

She was pure business, and that scared him.

It felt as if he’d been taken from kidnappers, and given to an assassin.

[writey-unicorn]

 But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's?

Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

You think I've made my decision?

Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

If you think I have a dizzying intellect than WAIT TILL I GET GOING! Where was I?

Ah, yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

You believe me to be stalling.

You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

You think I can't trick you into giving something away?

IT HAS WORKED! You've given everything away! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!

You want me to make my choice?

I will, and I choose... What in the world can that be? *points at a distraction and switches the goblets*

What? Didn't see anything? Well, I, I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. *Smirks*

What's so funny? I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

I guessed wrong? You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha...

*logs off*

Tumblr, I propose a battle of wits!

I have put Iocaine powder in one of these two goblets. You choose, then we both drink.

[wiresandstarlings]

never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line

Introduction

For the entire 15 year stretch I've played Magic, high rolling has been the default way to determine who gets the choice of whether to play or draw first. But high rolling is just a horribly designed protocol. These are some of the many problems with it:  

It's not deterministic. You have ties, forcing you to repeat the protocol. With lower numbers of nice, the chance of ties is nontrivial. Even with four dice, for example, there's an 8.09% chance of a tie.

Dice need to be rolled at least two times. High roll just takes longer.

Both players need to observe and track the first roll. This might sound trivial, but there have been numerous times late into Magic tournaments where I've glanced at my roll, started shuffling my deck and thinking about the matchup again, and have forgotten what I rolled by the time my opponent rolls.

Most importantly, there's room for cheating. I have no idea how or if people cheat when rolling dice, but it's conceivable that someone could master something like “rolling” a die from one face to the other. I'd rather just not have to wonder if I'm really expected to win less half my high rolls.

Because of these issues, I've gravitated toward asking my opponents to odd-even first and only high rolling when they object. But I understand that on its surface, odd-even looks even more vulnerable to cheating. Only one player gets to roll the dice, and I've had players agree to odd-even only granted weird stipulations, like I throw the dice up and let them call the outcome midair.

“Symmetric Odd-Even”

I was thinking about a probability problem earlier today (For what m and n is the sum of n rolls of m-sided dice modulo n uniformly random?) and it occurred to me that there's a simple way to get all the advantages of odd-even (determinism, efficiency, no information tracking) while eliminating the opportunity for the player rolling the dice to cheat. Just let both players roll dice.  

One player chooses whether they want odd or even. It doesn't matter who.

Both players roll however many dice they want.

Take the sum of all rolls.

Odd player wins if the sum is odd, even player wins if the sum is even.

 This idea is so simple that I assume it's not original, but it has so many advantages that I also understand why it isn't the default protocol.

We can observe that so long as a single dice that either player rolls is fair, then the parity of the sum is fair. To see that, consider outcome of the fair die separately from the outcomes of all the other dice. No matter whether the other dice are fair or loaded, or if their roll was manipulated somehow, the sum of their faces will either be odd or even. If the sum is odd, then the fair die has a 50% chance of switching the parity, when the roll is odd, and a 50% chance of maintaining the parity, when the roll is even. When the sum is even, the situation is the same. So regardless of what the sum of the other die is, the overall sum has a 50% chance of being even and 50% chance of being odd.

That's why this protocol is resistant to cheating. So long as you know that your die is fair, then you can be confident that the whole protocol is fair. And even if both players can roll odd or even at will, the protocol reduces to a leveling game where the competitive equilibrium is for both players to choose the parity of their roll at random. Because the players roll simulataneously, it's impossible for either player to know the other's choice before it's too late.

This process also guards against manufacturing defects when both participants cooperate. For example, if you think there's a 20% chance that either player's die is compromised, recognizing that if a single die is compromised then it's likely that the box it came from likely has the same problem, then the overall process still has a 96% chance of being fair.

Pseudo-RPS

Rock-paper-scissors is actually a perfectly reasonable way to randomly determine who goes first. It's another game where the competitive equilibrium is to play at random, so who wins or loses is random when both participants play optimally. In terms of ties, time, and complexity though, it's even worse than high rolling.

Thinking about these problems reminded me of an interesting way a player offered to decide play-draw at GP Seattle a while back. (I think his name was Ryan Slone? Apologies if I'm misremembering.)

He had the usual Rock Lobster, Paper Tiger, and Scissors Lizard set, but instead of offering to play RPS, he just shuffled the cards, burned one, and let me choose from the two remaining cards. I would get whichever card I chose, he would get the last card, and whoever won RPS would get choice of play or draw.

Ryan's method has pretty much all the advantages of symmetric odd-even: it's deterministic since each card is unique, there's no tracking, and because I had the final say on who got which card, there's no way he could have cheated. Not only that, it's even faster, and there will never be any awkwardness with dice that fall into the crack between playmats or off the table.

The primary disadvantage of Ryan's method is that I can still cheat. If Ryan flashes me the order of the cards or I can track their movement through his shuffle, I can know which card he burned and which card I need to take to win. After playing against Ryan a couple times, maybe I notice that the backs of the RPS cards are marked and can choose the winner that way.

And of course, there's still the overhead of having the RPS cards in your deckbox.

Note that although it's less aesthetically pleasing, all this works exactly the same if you only ever use two of the cards and skip the burn phase.

Conclusion

Obviously, the easiest and best solution is to have the tournament software decide who plays and draws in each match, and maybe also take steps to ensure each player gets to play and draw an equal number of times throughout the tournament. But it doesn't seem like that change will come anytime soon. (At this point, I'm reasonably confident someone important at WotC believes that randomly determining play or draw at the beginning of each match is “fun”.) And in the mean time, I hope these methods become commonplace. They're not perfect, but they're significantly better than the status quo.

Addendum

My friend Jake Koenig and his colleagues actually solved the problem that inspired all this. It turns out the sum of n rolls of m-sided dice modulo n is uniformly random if and only if n divides m, assuming m and n are greater than 1. You can find their proof here. 

[incorrecttawogquotes]

Tobias: So it is down to you, and it is down to me.

[Gumball (disguised) moves closer]

Tobias: [holding a knife to Penny’s throat] If you wish her dead, by all means, keep moving forward.

Gumball: Let me explain--

Tobias: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen.

Gumball: Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?

Tobias: There will be no arrangement, [holding the knife closer] and you're killing her.

Gumball: But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.

Tobias: I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.

Gumball: You're that smart?

Tobias: Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?

Gumball: Yes.

Tobias: Morons.

Gumball: Really. [pause] In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.

Tobias: For the princess?

[Gumball nods]

Tobias: To the death?

[Gumball nods]

Tobias: I accept.

Gumball: Good. Then pour the wine.

[As Tobias pours the wine, Gumball pulls out a small vial, and uncorks it]

Gumball: Inhale this, but do not touch.

Tobias: [sniffing the vial] I smell nothing.

Gumball: What you do not smell is called Iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.

Tobias: Hmm.

[Gumball turns away from Tobias with the goblets, and pours the poison in. Goblets replaced on the table, one in front of each.]

Gumball: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right...and who is dead.

Tobias: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Gumball: You've made your decision then?

Tobias: Not remotely. Because Iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Gumball: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Tobias: WAIT TILL I GET GOING! Where was I?

Gumball: Australia.

Tobias: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Gumball: You're just stalling now.

Tobias: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Gumball: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.

Tobias: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!

Gumball: Then make your choice.

Tobias: I will, and I choose— [pointing behind Gumball] What in the world can that be?

Gumball: [looking behind him] What? Where?

[Tobias switches the cups]

Gumball: I don't see anything.

Tobias: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [starts chuckling]

Gumball: What's so funny?

Tobias: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

[they both drink]

Gumball: You guessed wrong.

Tobias: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!! [starts laughing and then falls dead]

[Gumball starts untying Penny]

Penny: Who are you?

Gumball: I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you ever need know.

Penny: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.

Gumball: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Iocane powder.

[twigg96]

“Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Dread Pirate Roberts: You've made your decision then?

Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Dread Pirate Roberts: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Vizzini: WAIT TILL I GET GOING! Where was I?

Dread Pirate Roberts: Australia.

Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Dread Pirate Roberts: You're just stalling now.

Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Dread Pirate Roberts: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.

Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! You've given everything away! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!

Dread Pirate Roberts: Then make your choice.

Vizzini: I will, and I choose... What in the world can that be? [Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts turns to look, and Vizzini switches the position of the goblets]

Dread Pirate Roberts: What? Where? I don't see anything.

Vizzini: Well, I, I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [Vizzini smirks]

Dread Pirate Roberts: What's so funny?

Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

Dread Pirate Roberts: You guessed wrong.

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha... [Vizzini stops suddenly, and drops dead to the right]

Buttercup: Who are you?

Dread Pirate Roberts: I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you ever need know.

Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.

Dread Pirate Roberts: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.”

- the Princess Bride

Tumblr, I propose a battle of wits!

I have put Iocaine powder in one of these two goblets. You choose, then we both drink.