#something so cruel about it to ‘let’ eddie watch the party but not really be part of it

[buckboi]

Hey, hey, do you think Eddie liked swimming as a kid? We know he used to go to the lake with Shannon

Do you think his parents every considered building a pool in their yard for him

[oneforthemunny]

evieee i’m feeling soft and mushy and i had a thought... what was the eddies’ “oh. OH.” moment, like the exact moment they realized that reader was it for them and they actually wanted to marry reader :') i mean i know some eddies are not into the idea of marriage but that’s fine! but what about the others :') (also ily MWA)

omg this is so cute (ily2 mwahhh!)

so older!eddie you can actually read his because it’s the moment in don’t be cruel where they’re both with brielle and reader is just so happy and getting along with her and they’re actually getting along. that’s the first time he’s like yes i could marry her, i want to spend the rest of my life with her.

mafia!eddie it’s definitely after one of his more vulnerable moments. maybe after a particularly draining day when he lets the mask fall, so to say, and is open about how emotionally draining what he does is. the way she validates it and listens, tells him she doesn’t think less and just stands by him and supports. he’s looking at rings that next day.

boxer!eddie there’s an angst blurb with him about how he’s using steroids (found in vivis writing challenge masterlist) and the aftermath of that, when he sees how much she really cares and how passionate she is about him and his health and career. that’s really when he’s like, “damn. she does love me. and i really want to be with her forever.”

dom!eddie’s is definitely super simple and sweet, pretty early on too. they’re out listening to a band play somewhere, and she’s just all over him- very publically and unashamed. it’s not her usual scene but she goes for eddie. they’re both a little tipsy and he’s just absolutely love struck. feels like he wants to do everything and anything with her.

cowboy!eddie it would be the first time she came to one of his competitions. he told her not to come, didn’t want her to travel and move things around just for him, but she did anyways. didn’t tell him, just showed up and surprised him. it really meant a lot, and he’d tell her that much later, because normally he’d just say not to come bc no one ever showed up even if he asked. a defense mechanism for him really. so when she did it just meant the world to him and he wanted her to show up for everything for the rest of his life.

rockstar!eddie it was in nantucket. set after dark shadows when they take their trip to the summer house on the east coast. there was feelings there before with both of them, but they were still trying to fight them and hide them but this is where things change and they decide to try and date. but a specific moment would be during the fourth of july. there’s a firework show on the docks, eddie stands out from all the others clad in ralph lauren and linens and nb couldn’t love it more (such a stark contrast from the first meeting lol). it’s really mundane and something just flips and all eddies feelings come out and he’s just like ok i want to be with her.

janitor!eddie’s is really early on, really cutesy and simple. shortly after they start dating. his birthday, the first they celebrate together. she goes all out, gets steve’s help in planning a party at the hideout with all his friends. “even tried to reserve a room, munson. like we have a fuckin’ private room.” the owner cackled and told him. she got his favorite cake, even a gift, and he was so overwhelmed with affection and love and just was in love.

hockey!eddie it was pretty early on honestly. during the start of the season, their first together. he’s bummed because he’s out of town for halloween, his favorite holiday, and won’t get to celebrate. she flies out and surprises him, books a stay at a hotel for the holiday as a long weekend and the two go out. brings a costume (a special festive lingerie too for later) and they go out after eddie’s game to a bar that’s celebrating the holiday, they come back and spend the next day watching the halloween movie marathon on tv, splitting a bag of candy. just so casual and sweet, but eddie is head over heels.

modern!eddie, i mean he’s in love from the first moment lol but honestly, when she’s vulnerable with him. when she’s soft and shows a side of herself to him that feels so personal and special to see. he feels just overwhelmed and special to get to see it and is in love.

bouncer!eddie it’s so dumb but it’s true i’m sorry, and it’s the first time she lets him cum inside lmao. he’s been in love before but like she let him creampie her??? he’s never felt more connected and in love ever. genuinely. he’s so obsessed after that just infatuated.

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

you ain't woman enough

☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆

❣ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❣

Summary : some crazy diehard fan claims to steal your man, of course- you won't let that happen

Word Count : not too long, I hope

Warnings : 18+ Rockstar!Eddie Munson x FEM!reader, language, reader and Eddie are both (25) also they're MARRIED to each other, no use of y/n, Gareth is (18), Jeff is (20) mentions of a fan having self-harm history, the lunatic fan (I named her Delancy, she's 18) can be very invasive, disrespectful, delusional and too obsessed with Eddie, alcohol consumption, mentions of pregnancy at the end, I think that's just it tho

What to Expect : angst and fluff teehee

Note To Reader : guys, you're not going to believe this because my fever just bounced back again making me suffer once more 💀 (but I'm good right now don't worry)

Author Note : LOVE LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH- OF COURSE YOU KNOW I'VE HAD TO MAKE A FIC WITH IT ;)) (idk if I feel satisfied about this fic but here it goes)

You and Eddie have been together for ages

A bit dramatic, isn't it?

But no, seriously, it's like you spend a lifetime every minute, hour and seconds being with him

Since high school, Eddie thought it's cruel joke when you talked to him for the first time

He had a bit of time to grow on you back then, but when you finally get to know him when he unsheds his layers of showing the tough act to people at school

He is actually very sweet

That's where it all took off

You're always been there

The Hellfire Club campaigns, The Hideout sessions, the best part is that you we're also there when he got his long-awaited diploma

Wayne loves you, gosh, Eddie can still vividly remember the teasing moments that make him so freaking embarrassed when it revealed that Eddie has a crush on you

It's the most silliest confession that you both shared to each other, giggling at the same time

It's also wholesome in a way that you feel like yourself when you're with him than you're own

That's says something

You watch him grew to become one of the highest paid rock bands all of time, Corroded Coffin

Back in graduation in college, he said that he'll marry you and you'll be on his side while he's touring around the world

The words you told him never left his mind

"Always keep your dreams alive, Ed's"

You both love metal music, films, obviously certified nerds, always excited when you're both talking about your favorites

I mean- what's not to love?

"You're ready? sweetheart?"

"Yeah"

You gave him 360° turn to your full ensemble for the tonight's show

Oh, he was stunned at it, he takes a minute to process

"Well?"

"You look fantastic- I mean- hot, super super hot"

You snort "Okay, let's go rockstar"

You've prepared yourself for this since the beginning, the moment that Eddie got himself big time at a record label

You know what you're in for

You're ready to face it all, the tabloids, loads of paparazzi everywhere, awestruck fans that recognize the both of you walking in the streets of L.A

You also know once you entered this business, there's no longer privacy that you knew before

The fandom that Eddie has is like a freaking movement almost like an activist, every false lies, rumors, gossips, they defend him with his bandmates

You adore them, really, grateful for it

The head of the official fanbase of Corroded Coffin is really nice and respects everyone of you, even treat you like normal human beings

They organized parties when it's time for an occasion like Corroded Coffin won a Grammy, New Year's, when someone in the band has a birthday, it's really great

Sometimes, you wish every fan is just like that, or sometimes even not a fan, you wished they'll treat you kindly

While eating lunch with Eddie at a local diner downtown

"You know, there's a young girl keeps looking at our spot for like 30 mins now" Eddie is wearing Ray-Ban black sunglasses as he quietly speaks as he takes a sip of his coffee

You had a mouth full of philly cheesesteak as you turned around to find what your husband is referring to

There, you spot her, when you catch her eyes, she simply look away shyly

You hum as you shrug "It looks like she wants to say something"

"Oh, boy, here she comes"

Before you can react to what he just said, she's now standing to where you both seated but she gave a distance for personal space that leaves an impression to the both of you

Eddie caught a glimpse of the young girl's wrist with marks of healed pocks, you saw it too, he watches her intently but when he saw how genuine her eyes are, he knows this isn't some weird fanatic

You cleared your throat as you smile at the young girl

"Uh- hi, I'm so very sorry, if I made you both uncomfortable but I- I just want to express my gratitude, your songs really helped me a lot and ever since I stopped doing it for 5 years already and I feel a whole lot better and uh- your love story has always been my favorite- it's very inspiring and I've always been looking up to the both of you and uh- yeah thanks for everything" she leaves at that

the young girl went on and on with her slightly ducked down too shy to even look at the both of your eyes

"That's really sweet" you say with twinkling eyes as you kept your eyes on the young girl

"Wow, see- this is why I'm doing this! I will keep on making music when something like that happens! I can help people!" He beams exhilaratingly with a smile

"Eddie, haven't you realized you've been doing this since highschool?" You hold his hand across the table

"Yes, I know and I will do what I do best" he winks and you by that look

You know he's gonna make this interaction memorable

"Hey, kid"

The young girl almost can't believe the Eddie Munson called her out

"We appreciate you so much" he says as he picked the whole new latest album from his bag

Young girl is appalled, felt weak on the knees almost, you giggled at her reaction

To make everything go insane, he even signed the album cover

You hand it out to her "We're so proud of you"

She takes it with shaky hands as she laughs "I-I'm sorry, I'm freaking out inside, thank you so very much"

"You'll be the first person to hear it"

"I'll listen to it once I get home, I will never forget this day in my life!"

You and Eddie both chuckled "Treasure it, sweetie! You deserve it!"

"I love you both so much, you have absolutely no idea! um- I'll be attending your show this coming Saturday" you shyly added with a grin

You squealed as you look at Eddie with excitement, he took his glasses off

"That's very metal, dear" he makes a rock n roll sign as the kid does the same time, both shared laughs

You watched the kid happily as she runs over to her parents with the album in hand as they become starstrucked when they saw both of you, waving at their daughter

You sigh in content "Isn't that just awesome?!?" You slam your hands on the table feeling giddy

Eddie throws his head back in laughter as his mind replays the endearing interaction earlier

"My manager is going to kill me after this"

"Oh, yeah right- you weren't supposed to reveal your latest album yet"

"I doubt it she'll not spread it to everyone"

"I'll drink to that"

Turns out, both of your guts we're right, the young girl didn't leaked the whole ass album for the whole world to hear

The tour was going fantastic, the crowd roars, screams, cheers everyone is going nuts once the band came out the stage

The after-party is your favorite part when the set is done, it's just you, Eddie, Jeff and Gareth hanging out

It's like old times, the difference is that all of you are a part of public figures now

But, no, never once or anyone of you let that get into your head, you don't want to believe or let yourself be aware of that "I'm a celebrity and you're nothing" type of shit, all of you remained humble since day one

No wonder why people adored you so much

Jeff finished his degree last year, now he's got himself a babe beside him, Gareth only have 2 years left at his college

He is so sick of it already, but he won't stop until he finally graduated

"Now, I get it why- Eddie feels so fucking drained after college" Gareth groans as he sats down next to you

"But my tutoring while on the tour bus helped, right?" You gave him an sympathetic smile

He smiles tiredly "Yeah, I'm just so exhausted but I'm almost there"

"That's the spirit!"

"Man, I don't know how you do it, are you getting enough sleep?" Jeff chimes in as he drinks his beer as he awaits for his friend to answer

"I don't even remember when's the last time I got a good night's sleep"

"Your time has run out" a voice rudely interrupted your conversation

You, Jeff, Gareth turn around at the girl who is standing closer to you

Jeff and Gareth shared confusion looks to each other

"Excuse me?" You say as look at her directly

"I said he's done with you"

"Who?"

"Eddie"

Jeff makes a face and Gareth is unamused, offended by it

You tried your best to be polite as you wave your hand in front of her dismissively, maybe it's just some girl who mistakenly thought you're someone that she knew

"He doesn't love you anymore"

Who is this person? You think to yourself

You laugh incredulously as you lean forward, Jeff and Gareth looked at you and thinks why you're aren't doing anything to be mean just for once

They're watching the nicest argument ever

"You have to let him go" she says as she crossed both of her arms

"Why would I do that?"

"So, I can take him"

You, Jeff and Gareth looked at each other with knowing looks as you tried to keep your composure stable

The bartender is clearly knows what the fuck is going on and couldn't help but to bite back a laughter as well

"Ooh- okay, hot shot- gimme a sec" you say with a mockery on your voice as you bit your lip to stop bursting to any second

You kick Jeff and elbowed Gareth to stop them from snickering

"Hey, Francis" you paid for the tabs, you treat the guys for the drink tonight

"You didn't have to-"

"I insist, you always gave me fine drinks and you never let me pay? Come on- take it"

The older man smiles and sighs and muttered a small thank you

All of you go down to your rotating circle chairs, but before you left her, you twirl around with a teasing smile

She became annoyed at you, you didn't even know what the hell she's annoyed at you for

"Sorry to burst your bubble, you can't do that"

"What makes you think that I can't?" She snaps and it makes you amused

Jeff and Gareth make a teasing "Oooh's" as you flipped the guys off behind your back

"Because-" you looked at her from top to bottom

She really wasted her beauty for pulling a stunt like this?

"You aren't there yet"

You know, she ain't gonna understand that phrase because she's young, you didn't even bother to explain what it means so you turn heel and left her at it

You wiggle your fingers at her as you wave goodbye and she watches the three you finally booming the streets with the loud cackles

At the backstage, 10 mins left before the show starts

"Eddie! Stand still!" You say as you fix his outfit

"I've been performing for years and I still get nervous" he says with a unsure smile

"That's totally normal, Eddie, once you get out of there and feel all of the people energy and literally once you start singing? You'd be great like you always do" you say as you finish doing touch ups to his look

He didn't replied, he instead hugged you

"Oh" you got startled at his sudden action but you melt with it

"Thank you, sweetheart"

"Anytime, Ed's"

A frequent knock is going on the door, almost breaking it, he swung it open- he got cutt off by someone

"Alright, alright! I'll be there-"

"Where have you been?!? I've looked for you everywhere!"

"What-"

"Didn't you missed me?!?"

You lean onto your side of the doorframe with arms crossed as Eddie looked at you for help almost like he's saying "Do you have any idea who is this person?!?"

The young lady who you encountered last night meet your eyes, you swore you saw the fire ignited once you came into the frame

"What is she doing here?!?"

Eddie is so perplexed as he continues to look at the random girl and you just smirk to yourself

She reached for Eddie's hand as he became so stunned at her action and you raised both of your eyebrows at her boldness

The audacity of this person is wild

"Honey? Care to explain, please?" Eddie is obviously trying to let go of the grip that she's holding onto him

"Oh, I just met her last night and how rude of me not knowing your name- if you even had one" you sarcastically speak up, it's very comedic to watch her face crumpled up to your smugness

"It's Delancy"

"Yeah, right- Delancy!" You act like it was the most interesting information ever

Eddie is watching you with a wolfish grin, he finally understood it

"I'm here to support my boyfriend" she lOviNgLy looks up at Eddie, the situation doesn't even get worse from there as he looks at you through his bangs as he purses his lips together

"Sweetie, before you can get to him, I'll have to move over and I'm gonna stand right here"

"You can't!"

"It will be over my dead body"

Eddie finally got away from the hold as he looks at her with fake sympathetic smile with a pout as he throws both of his hands in defense

You glanced at the corner and saw the security guards probably looking for her

You lean closer as you say "So, get out while you can" you nudge your chin towards the guards and she panic as she runs away

"Oh my fucking god" Jeff jogs as he tries to catch up his breath

"Give me a minute" Gareth holds up a finger as he pants

"So, she's the girl that you little shitheads talking about, huh?"

Both of the young men nod as they chuckled slightly

"Can't believe she got herself inside" you scoff as you shake your head

"Hmm, maybe there's a way to end this ridiculousness" Eddie smirks as all of you looked at him in confusion

The show is exhilaratingly amazing, Eddie called out for you, is this his plan?

You shyly get up on the stage as the crowd cheers for your name

Once you walked closer to Eddie he pulled you in for a kiss

You're surprised but managed to recover as you wrap your arms around him as you kiss him back

Jeff whistles as Gareth clapped aggressively

The whole crowd screamed harder as Eddie pulled you closer more to him as if that were possible, you became flustered as you break the kiss from running out of breath but Eddie?!? Kept stealing kisses as you giggled

"My beautiful wife everybody!" Eddie announces in the microphone not caring if your lipstick is all over his face

"Thank you guys for the insane night! We love you! We appreciate all of your support! Take care and we'll see you soon! Keep on rockin'!" Eddie left with that as Jeff and Gareth came onto your side as they join you for a bow before all of you waved goodbye and exit the stage

The interview is happening in the morning after the last night's show

"Have you heard about the rumor? There's basically a young girl claiming your husband, Eddie, to be as her boyfriend? What is your comment about this?"

Gareth chimes in with a smirk on his face as he leans over to steal a moment in the camera "No comment" he says as Eddie, Jeff snickered as you chuckled as well

"Yeah, I did, I even interacted with her- she seems....interesting"

"Interesting for a therapy" Jeff adds as the three man crack up to his joke

"She even said that Eddie looked at her at the concert last evening" the interviewer spoke up as you can watch Eddie genuinely reacted to this

"Oh my god" Eddie rubs his face as he hides his face buried on his palms as he tries not to laugh

"Well, a man looks at things sometimes that he doesn't need, I think she's referring to what happened at the backstage-"

"I took a second look-" Eddie narrows his eyes at you

"But he's in love with me" you point to yourself ignoring your cheeks blush

"Exactly" Eddie grins as you held his hand

"She even said that the kiss that happened was a fake"

"I don't know where that leaves her" you shrug at the interviewer

"You know where you stand"

You chortled at the interviewer's remark, knowing that this will even more pissed her off

"Precisely, I know where I stand" you agree as you nod

"And there you have it, folks, The Corroded Coffin, it's such a delight to finally to get to talk to you all and the man of the hour, Eddie Munson with his wife, Jeff and Gareth the icons behind the band, Thank you for tuning in!" The interviewer wraps it all up

"Please, do invite your fans to come on over to your tours"

"it's our pleasure, to share our music around the world and all we wanna do is just inspire people" Eddie smiles at the camera while he always pulled you into his side, you love that he never fails to show you off

As the airing ends, Eddie whispers to your ear

"Let's make her even more furious" Eddie bites his lips as he could think for a conniving idea

You snorted at him with a playful smile

"Telling to everyone that you're having a baby" he winks

"Eddie!" You push him playfully on the chest but he laughs as he carries you and spins around at the studio

But he ain't wrong with that, you'll even consider it later ;))

[andvys]

New Years // E.M.

Warnings: angst, mostly fluff

Pairings: Eddie Munson x fem!reader 

Side note: this is part of the lwtua series but can be read as a standalone 

series masterlist 

-

Eddie hated parties more than anything and yet he found himself at one, not because he was here for the actual party but for the money that he would earn tonight after selling all the stash he had brought. It was New Year’s eve and the house was more crowded than on any other day, or at least that’s what it felt like.

While people kept coming up to him to buy weed, his eyes kept skipping past anyone that wasn’t you. He hasn’t seen you here yet but he had a feeling that you were lingering around somewhere, especially because Steve was here, who was now standing in the corner, talking to Nancy and Jonathan– something that seemed weird to Eddie considering Jonathan is the guy that kind of stole his girlfriend as he had found out later on.

Steve was smiling at something Jonathan had said to him.

If Eddie was in his place, he wouldn't be able to face the guy that stole his girl and put on a friendly face.

Jonathan’s eyes found Eddie’s and a smile appeared on his face, waving at the metalhead. He whispered something to his girlfriend before he left her side and walked towards Eddie.

“Hey man,” Jonathan said, stepping closer to him.

Eddie smiled and greeted him with a handshake “what are you doing here, is California that bad?” he asked, smirking.

He chuckled, shaking his head “just visiting my girlfriend.. but uh, didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I was just about to go, sold all my stash already,” Eddie mumbled.

“Ah, don’t wanna stay here any longer?” Jonathan asked, chuckling.

“Hell no,” Eddie grumbled, shaking his head causing his curls to bounce.

“Yeah, I’d rather be anywhere else right now than here but Nancy kind of dragged me here.”

Eddie nods, looking behind his shoulder to see Nancy talking to her ex boyfriend as though nothing ever happened between them. It was odd to see the sight of two people who once considered themselves lovers now being nothing but friends.

“And you’re hanging out with Harrington now?” he asked, almost with a judgmental tone on his voice. Eddie can’t stand Steve, not just because he’s an asshole but also because he gets to have something that he can’t.

Jonathan sighs as he looks back, glancing at Steve for a moment who he came to appreciate as a friend, well, kind of a friend. If it wasn’t for the things they had been through together, he wouldn’t have gotten along with him that well but Steve turned out to be a decent guy as Jonathan had realized.

“He came with y/n but she kind of ran off.”

He felt his heart fluttering at the mention of just your name. Raising his brows in surprise “she ran off?”

“Yeah, she doesn’t really like parties and she wasn’t feeling good,” he said, avoiding Eddie’s eyes, knowing that he had already said too much but a part of him hoped that Eddie would finally get his shit together and go find you and just spend time with you “she looked sad when she left..”

Concern lingers in his eyes “oh..” he mumbled as he looked down. He hates knowing that something had upset you “and Steve just let her leave on her own?” he asked angrily, worried for your safety.

“She drove here and she didn’t drink so don’t worry.” he said, eying the look on Eddie’s face “I doubt that she went home though..”

Eddie looks up again, a somewhat teasing look lingers on Jonathan’s face and he knows he wants him to ask about your whereabouts. Sighing, he runs a hand through his hair “where is she?”

-

You watched the steam rise, keeping your hands wrapped around the warm mug, the smell of hot cocoa lingered in the air and you sighed in content as you took a sip of the sweet beverage. Looking out the window, you watched some cars passing by, snowflakes falling softly on the ground, you used to love winter and snow but now it was nothing but a cruel reminder of what happened on that cold November night.

You tried to forget about it, at least for tonight but you couldn’t. You looked at your friends, Nancy, Jonathan and Steve. They were able to relax, even if just for a short moment, they were able to forget and enjoy themselves but you couldn’t, not when you still felt the darkness trying to get ahold of you, not when people looked at you as though something was wrong with you and not when you saw him. The person that held your heart in the palm of his hand and was unaware of it– even if he was aware. He wouldn’t care anyways.

Deep in thought, you didn’t hear the bell ringing or the voice of the waitress taking an order from an elderly man a few tables away from you. You didn’t hear your name being called either.

Only as you felt someone sitting down next to you, their shoulder bumping into yours, you finally snapped out of your thoughts. Tensing up, you scooted away and turned to look at the stranger that decided to invade your space.

Your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes widened.

Your eyes locked with warm brown ones and your body immediately relaxed at the sight of him.

His eyes were soft, a small and uncertain smile lingered on his lips.

“Eddie?” you whispered, staring at him in confusion.

“Hi..”

The smell of his cologne mixed with the smell of cigarettes and his aftershave bring you a weird sense of comfort.

“What uh- what are you doing here?”

You don’t know whether his cheeks are red from the cold or if he’s blushing.

“J-Just uh.. wanted some..” he trails off, reaching for the menu on the table, he grabs it, squinting his eyes as he reads through it.

You suppress a giggle as you watch him, he turns redder by the second and his eyes keep flicking to yours. Clearing his throat, he places it back on the table and taps his finger against it “just wanted some coffee,” he said confidently.

“Coffee at almost 12 am on New Year’s eve?”

He furrowed his brows and looked down at your mug “what’s wrong with coffee? You’re having hot chocolate.”

“I just mean that most people would have alcohol tonight.”

He nods “yeah well, not me and not you either so… we can just hang out and drink non alcoholic beverages together right?” he asked with an awkward smile on his face.

Your heart flutters in your chest and your mind is filled with nothing but questions but you don’t speak them aloud, not wanting him to leave if you do ask.

“Yeah,” you breathe, tearing your eyes away from him, you look down at your cup “you should have some hot cocoa too though.. It's really good.”

“Can I try?”

You look at him in surprise, blushing under his gaze.

Nodding, you push the cup towards him and as he reaches for it, his fingertips brush against yours, making your skin feel tingly.

Eddie feels the same, his heart skips a beat and the blush on his face deepens further. He smiles, clasping his hand around the mug, he brings it up to his mouth. His lips touch the same spot that yours have before.

You watch him, hating the way you feel around him. Your chest is filled with warmth, heart fluttering like crazy, you feel safe and comfortable in his presence but sadness lingers inside of you because you know that once the night is over, he will go back to his old ways, the way he always does. You should walk away from him and leave him behind to protect your heart and your feelings but you don’t want to. You know this means nothing to him but it means everything to you and even if you can only have him for tonight, then it’s okay too because you would rather have him for a fleeting moment than not at all.

“Oh wow, that’s good.”

Eddie ordered himself a hot cocoa as well and a second one for you because he felt bad for drinking half of yours, you kept insisting that it’s fine but he ignored your protests. You could feel the eyes of the waitress on you, an older woman named Josephine, you were a regular at the diner, usually you would come here alone, seeing you with someone else here must have sparked her interest, especially when she saw how you looked at each other. 

Placing the drinks in front of you, she flashed you a smile as she looked between you and Eddie.

“You are such a cute couple,” she said with a smile on her face. “Young romance is something magical, don’t let go of each other.” she said before walking away.

Your cheeks felt hot and you looked at anything but his eyes, your heart was racing and you reached for the mug nervously. Eddie was blushing like crazy but he looked at you with a small smile on his face, loving how shy and nervous you looked.

“Uh– so uh..” you mumbled awkwardly “how are you?” you asked before taking a sip.

Eddie stared at you, some of the whipped cream got on your nose and he couldn’t help but chuckle, you turned to face him with a frown on your face “why are you laughing?”

You are so cute. His eyes flicker to your nose and to your lips before he inches closer “you just.. got a little something there,” he whispered as he wiped the whipped cream off before he slipped his finger in his mouth, licking it clean.

If you weren’t blushing already then you definitely would be now. Your stomach fluttered as you stared at him in surprise.

“You okay?” he asked, smugly.

“Y-Yeah, totally.”

He smirks to himself as he leans back and takes a few sips of his hot cocoa.

“Why aren’t you at the party anymore?” he asked after a while.

You shrugged, a sudden sadness flashing in your eyes “didn’t feel like it… what about you? Why are you here.. with me?”

“Because I want to be here.. with you.”

Jonathan told him that you were sad but Eddie only really noticed it now. You kept your gaze on your mug, blinking quickly as though you tried to keep your tears in. Eddie’s heart sank, the moment reminded him too much of the one where he jumped away from you when you almost kissed a long time ago. Your glassy eyes and the heartbroken look on your face, haunted him to this day.

“But why?” you asked quietly.

Because you are the only person I ever want to be with, Eddie thinks to himself.

“B-Because no one should start off a new year lonely and sad.”

And because I love you.

You turn to look at him and for the first time, you feel like there’s more behind his eyes than just dislike for you.

His beautiful dark eyes sparked with something you couldn’t read and as they looked with yours, you knew you would be okay, eventually.

He inched closer to you, a moment that was so similar to the one you shared two years ago, only this time, he didn’t jump away when he realized what he was about to do.

You swallowed nervously as you felt his hair tickling your cheek, his hand settled on your knee and he gave it a squeeze and then he kissed your cheek, lips lingering on your skin for a moment.

Your heart was racing and so was his, you felt content and happy in this moment right here. He leaned back a little but stayed close enough to feel your breath on his lips and he wanted nothing more than to kiss you.

“Maybe ‘86 will be our year,” he whispered softly.

-

tagging some of my faves <3 @prettyboyeddiemunson @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @corrodedcorpses @lnnlove @mysticmunson @translatemunson @hellkaisersangel @spookycreepycookie @i-me-mine

[edgelordtozier]

whatever I need to defend my blorbo. so deep in the brainrot that im gonna defend the steve harrington six nuggets speech

i for one think steve’s decision to tell nancy was, first of all, the fault of everyone around steve (dustin, robin, eddie, and their collective need to push the stancy agenda on steve for some reason) and, secondly, really more spur of the moment in a “we might die soon” type of way than anything. he tells nancy first about the dream he had because it’s HIS dream, it’s what HE wants for HIMSELF and it’s something that he doesn’t really think he’s going to get, because he probably thinks he’s going to die. he’s confiding in his good buddy nancy because she’s the one who sat with him in that RV and reminded him of what he expects of himself.

he first tells her about the dream Not because he expects something from her, but because he wants her to understand that THIS is what he wanted, this is what he still wants. steve knows that nancy doesn’t want six kids. he knows this. she tells him to his face right there how much it sounds like a nightmare. he! knows! he thinks he wants her back because everyone is continuously telling him he does — and when has listening to his friends in a moment of steve’s self-proclaimed stupidity gone all that badly for him? he thinks he has to adhere to this thing that his friends want him to be doing and want him to be feeling, when he’s been over it or nearly over it for at LEAST a year and a half now.

in season 3 during the bathroom scene with robin, she asks him if he’s still in love with nancy. steve says no and he does! not! hesitate! YES, it’s because he’s about to confess his ill-advised crush on robin, but he’s also clearly telling the truth. he’s over it! he’s been over it!

later, in the upside down, steve tells nancy that she was always there in the six nuggets dream. Weird as fuck, yes, but I don’t have as much of an issue with it as I did when I first watched. steve thinks that no one is ever going to love him again romantically. i even hesitate in using the word “again” because i don’t believe steve has Ever really genuinely been loved romantically in the first place. what nancy felt for him had to have been platonic either the entire time, or turned so through all the bitterness she also had towards him after what happened to barb for her to have been so cruel to steve at the halloween party in s2. the only point of reference steve has for a “good” relationship — that being a relationship where he was in love, even when the other person was decidedly not — was nancy. he believes that he wants that back. and he believes the only person who can give that feeling back to him is, again, nancy.

he tells her that she was there in that dream because, despite the fact that he shouldn’t, he still wants that sort of closure, letting her know this dream he’s had since they’ve been in love. he tells her about the knock on the head that she gave him to make him realize what an idiot he’s been (the knock on the head being nancy’s “bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,” which, in my opinion, is, in itself, bullshit) and how he’s “crawling forward” now, getting more and entirely over nancy, which! funnily enough! he could have been doing all of season 4 if his friends hadn’t all tried to force steve to be in love with nancy again!

i think that the least weird part of the speech, and the most relatable I guess, is steve thinking about whether or not him and nancy could have stayed together if he’d gotten that wake up call from someone else. a part of him is still going to love her and, again, a huge part of him still believes that she’s it for him BECAUSE of the fact that he doesn’t think anyone is ever going to love him again except for her. all of s4 steve spends time agonizing over his dates with girls not working out or his relationships only being built off of sex, and his insecurity shows soooo hard!!!! he doesn’t think he’s capable of love!!!!!!!!!! nancy was the last person to show him any romantic affection and he wants that back because he as a person is not independent like nancy is. steve wants to be loved again, thoroughly. to him — and as it seems, to his friends as well — nancy is the only one capable of doing that for him, which is just simply not true whatsoever.

while it’s a weird speech and steve would probably have been better off not telling it, it’s not as much of a butchering of his character as it is steve desperately wanting to be loved, which is perhaps the most in character thing the duffers have ever inadvertently done (because let’s face it. I don’t think they thought about ANY of this shit I just wrote). steve is thinking of nancy as the only one for him because she’s the only lasting relationship that he knows, even when it ended in his own utter heartbreak, even when she’s now with a totally different man. he shares this dream with her because he has no one else to have sit in that seat, and thinks he needs someone to fill that void.

anyway. this all could have and should be a perfect set up for the epic bisexual awakening of steve harrington. the speech could have gone better. could have been written better. i hate stancy so much. cheers.

[dvaderstark]

Thoughts on Steve in Stranger Things Season 1

Now similar to practically everyone who watches Stranger Things post Season 1, I think Steve Harrington is a great character that has gone through a fantastic arc and in particular his relationships with Robin and Dustin are two of the best friendships in the show. In fact he and Dustin are the second best sibling type relationship on the show after Jonathan and Will. I do have some issues with basically any of his romance as the popularity of him with Billy and Eddie confuse me beyond he’s Steve and he’s popular. But what I wanted to post about was his portrayal in the show’s first season because I feel that a lot of Steve’s fans from the later seasons have gone back to the first season and have whitewashed some of his actions. Now not to say that Steve is that bad in Season 1 but I think the idea that he was always a good guy is wrong. Now most of Steve’s early stuff is regular stereotypical douchebag stuff that I don’t have too much of an issue with even if I don’t think he’s much aside from a douche at first. Like for example, him being a little too pushy with Nancy when he helps her study and we see he has other things on his mind. Like I will call some of this douchey behavior but not too bad behavior since he does back off. Similarly when he shows more concern about being caught underage drinking than Barb missing. I don’t have too much of an issue here either since Steve doesn’t know what we the audience know but if I was in Nancy’s shoes I would still be annoyed by this too, and he still has skewed priorities. Next, we have breaking the camera. Even for someone who loves Jonathan and has Jancy as their ST OTP, I don’t have any real issue with breaking the camera and the confrontation over the pictures. What Jonathan did was wrong and he deserved some punishment for it. While I wouldn’t call it stalking since Jonathan didn’t intentionally seek Nancy or anyone else at the party out to do what he did it was still wrong and Steve did buy a new camera. The real issues I have with Steve both come in the alley scene. The first thing is the public slut shaming that Nancy undergoes since Steve got the wrong idea. The kind that would have probably stuck on Nancy’s reputation a lot more if this wasn’t a show. What annoys me so much about the way that Steve’s fans response to this is the argument “His friends were the ones who sprayed it and Steve helped take it down afterward”. I hate this argument for the main reason that even if Steve didn’t spray paint the words themselves, he is there when they are doing the second message about Jonathan. He was definitely there when it happened and condoned it. Not saying this is unforgivable after all he’s young and angry and people do dumb stuff when they have that combination but also it is no excuse either and him offering to clean it up while the start of his redemption doesn’t really excuse it either. Letting a friend do something bad and feeling bad afterwards is still a sign that you did something bad. Also what he says to Jonathan that sparks their fight, I will give Steve a point here in that he makes Tommy back off so that the fight will be fair and that is where it ends. What he says to Jonathan is really cruel, cruel insults about his family, cruel insults comparing Jonathan to his awful father, cruel comparisons about Jonathan’s loving mom and of course cruelly insulting Jonathan’s little brother, who while still alive to Steve died only a week ago. I don’t think it’s okay to say stuff like that even if you think the guy you’re saying it to is sleeping with your girlfriend. Once again obviously not unforgivable but still wrong no matter the reason for it and Steve recognized it but a lot of his fans seem to forget that Steve realized it was wrong. Well that got away from me, to summarize, Steve Harrington is a great character but it sometimes annoys me how some of his fans basically try to say he wasn’t a jerk in Season 1 since he was a jerk and him being a jerk is what helps with his arc.

[asirensrage]

Unexpected Company - Part 1

Title: Unexpected Company - Part 1 Rating: PG Fandom: Stranger Things Warnings: Swearing? Summary: She’s not sure how she ended up here, sitting next to Eddie Munson.

Notes: This was originally just going to be a oneshot but I enjoyed writing it enough to expand it lol. Not sure how many parts there's going to be yet but it will be more than 3. Please let me know what you think.

The Ice Queen of Hawkins. She had been gifted that particular moniker in ninth grade after she refused to date Tommy H. It stuck when they realized she didn’t go to parties, didn’t really interact with many people and her remarks went over many people’s heads. They say she’s cruel. Personally, she’s just pretty sure the students of Hawkins High had yet to develop a sense of humour. At least one that didn’t involve making fun of others. 

So she’s not sure how she ended up here, sitting next to Eddie Munson. Well, to be fair, he sat next to her. Not that it really mattered in the long run but still...details were important. 

She lets him sit. He’s not being obnoxious or asking her out. Some of the others in the school have taken it on like a dare, a joke. She knows there’s a bet running around about who she’ll accept to go to prom with. Not that she’s going. 

She’s waiting until he asks, waiting until she hears the laughter of his friends. The only difference is that there’s no one around. People usually wanted an audience for this sort of thing. Everyone’s at the pep rally. Everyone except them. 

She waits. His leg bounces and he starts tapping out a beat but he doesn’t look at her. She watches him out of the corner of her eye, pretending to read even as she looks him over. His hair is wild, nearly as long as hers. He’s wearing a jean vest over a leather jacket and the longer she looks at him, the more she wonders.

“Aren’t you hot?” 

He nearly jumps out of his skin before he looks at her. “Jesus Christ. You speak?”

She gives him a deadpan stare. “Is that a shock?” 

“I don’t know. First time I heard it.” He looks her over. “Shit. I thought you were mute or something.” 

She frowns slightly, confused. “What? I talk in class.”

“...we have classes together?”

She rolls her eyes. “We would if you were ever there.”

He shrugs. “What can I say? The world awaits me. I could not be parted from my true love!” He glances at her and then explains. “My guitar. I was practising with my band.” 

“You have a band?” She almost regrets asking because he shifts slightly, turning towards her. 

“Yeah! They’re awesome, I mean, we’re awesome. We play shows…for like five people but we’re working up to it.” 

“I’m sure,” she says. She’s smiling slightly though. There’s something contagious about his enthusiasm. Maybe because it actually feels genuine. 

“I swear,” he says, placing a hand over his heart. “Would I lie to you?”

“I don’t know, would you?”

He pauses and grins before pointing at her. “You’re an astute one, aren’t you? So uh…why are you here?”

“Why are you?”

“Come on. You scared the hell out of me, least you could do is answer first.”

“Are you going to be attending church now? Should they book an appointment to cut your hair,” she watched as his hands flew up to touch his hair. “You know, now that there’s no hell in you.” 

His eyes seemed to shine. Most were put off by her sarcasm and she wielded it like a shield. Eddie Munson just grinned, looking at her as though he found something unexpected. “Are you gonna be my guardian angel? Lead me on the path of righteousness?”

“I never said I’d be at church. My Sundays are booked. Tea with the devil and other unfortunate souls.”

“Unfortunate isn’t the word I’d use.”

“It’s the one they would. Who said it was a party? Maybe I’m the punishment.”

He laughs at that, head thrown back as he cackles. She thinks she took him by surprise. Usually, people look at her with an uncomfortable expression before they make an excuse to leave. She hasn’t managed it with this one yet.

“Must have done something bad then,” he says, finally looking back at her. “Can’t say I regret it.” 

She tries not to smile, pursing her lips together in an effort to contain it. It doesn’t entirely work. “Just one thing?”

“I could wrack up a debt,” he agreed. He titled his head slightly. “How can I trust you’d be the punishment?”

“You can’t. Nature of the game.” 

“Games can be rigged.”

“Not all.”

“Sure, you just have to weigh the risk.” 

She pulls back slightly at that. “Why are you out here?”

He seems to realize he might have said something wrong. She catches the slight confusion on his face as he shifts back, giving her more space.

“I don’t know. Beat being in there.”

“And out of everywhere, you sat with me?”

“Yeah?” he shrugged. “Figured it was company. Didn’t have to say anything. Didn’t think you would either.” He shook his shoulders slightly. “I swear, I haven’t heard you talk once in the years I’ve known you.”

“You sure about that?”

“...no?” She lets out a laugh, just a small huff of one, but his eyes light up at the sound. “Ah, so you are human after all!”

She looks at him in confusion. “What else would I be?”

He starts ticking off options on his fingers. “Robot, shapeshifter, vampire, succubus, dragon–”

“Dragon?” 

“Very ferocious.” He pauses for a second before leaning back, eyes narrowing at her. “Not entirely sure you’re not…”

“I’m not a dragon.”

“Sounds like what a dragon would say.”

She rolls her eyes. “I think you’ve been watching too many movies.”

“And what,” he punctuates, leaning closer. “Would you suggest I do instead?”

“Play your band for six people?”

“You’re coming to the next show?”

Her eyes widen slightly. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

He gave a long, drawn-out sigh. “Sure break my heart. I’m beginning to understand why the devil fears you.” 

“It’s not an easy task,” she nodded. “He complains a lot about the frostbite.”

He laughed again. “You’re something else.” 

“Well, that’s one way to describe me.” 

“How else would you describe you?”

“Usually it’s cold-hearted bitch.”

“See, that’s not how I see you, but I can understand why the devil might say that.”

She doesn't stop the grin this time. “Not quite.” 

“You sure? Because I hear school can be hell.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t attend on a Sunday.”

“Fair,” he agreed. He pauses for a moment before standing up. “What do you say to…leaving?” He turns to face her. 

“Leaving? And go where?”

“Wherever we want,” he says. He holds out a hand to her. “What do you say? Want to go on an adventure?” 

She stares up at him and considers it. She’s used to getting called a bitch when she says no, but she suspects that Eddie Munson would just accept it and leave her be. She’s also enjoyed this. It’s rare that someone quips back, not maliciously but actually understanding the humour in her comments. She takes his hand and he pulls her gently to her feet. 

“Adventure it is.” 

OC taglist: @raith-way @arrthurpendragon @zeleniafic @jvstjewels @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @booty-boggins @residentdormouse @delicateblackrose @stanshollaand @cantfighthemoonknight

Stranger Things taglist: @happinessinthedarkesttimes

[mirrorballdazai]

Hey! Can you explain a bit more your comparison between it and st kids? I don't really understand. Have a nice day <3

gladly !!

there are LOTS of parallels between the st and it kids on so many levels, but what i was focusing on in that post was the difference between the two in relation to sex (and other “adult stuff” like cigarettes, but mainly sex) and how that shows different ways to cope with trauma and what the kids symbolize as a whole in the show/movie/book

first off let’s remember that the losers are all 11 years old, if i remember correctly only stanley is 10 in the book. the members of the party are 12 in the first season and obviously they grow up, so at what is right now the end of the show they’re all 14/15.

both groups face struggles like bullying (which is often rooted in racism, homophobia, ableism and other things), abusive or neglectful parents (or in max’s case, siblings), personal fears and obviously there are the supernatural plots, so monsters and whatever pennywise is (i didn’t finish the book yet but i think he’s an alien or a semigod but anyway).

the interesting thing is that even if the it kids are younger they show a knowledge of some, idk how to word it, “adult things”. for example some of them smoke — in the movies i’m pretty sure beverly is the only one who does it both in the og and in the remake. the thing that really stuck with me though is that they all know what sex is or even just have a vague idea of it (for example eddie in the book doesn’t really know what exactly is, but shows that he knows that it’s a thing). they make jokes about it and say/think sexual things in general. it’s also connected to eddie’s visions since in the book he sees a man with syphilis who offers to do yk sexual stuff which is connected to his fear of being ill and stuff.

on the other hand the st kids never show to know what sex is, except for max that talks about “happy screams” in s3, which makes sense because max is supposed to be the one who knows more stuff in the group, the one who lived in a city and all that. el then mentions again these “happy screams”, and when someone (i dont remeber who exactly i’m sorry) asks what happy screams are max interrupts el who was about to answer and says that it doesn’t matter — which could be for many reasons. maybe she is embarrassed or something, but when i first watched it i thought “ah she probably doesn’t want to kind of ruin everyone’s innocence” since she showed stress only after that-person asked what happy screams are, which shows that they don’t know what sex is at least in max’s mind.

the question now is why. there’s this difference between these groups, but why? for mainly two reasons.

1. show different ways to cope with trauma

my theory is that stephen king wanted to show how less innocent kids can be after trauma and abuse. he wanted to show the cruel reality, the one where kids are not that innocent even when they’re very young, especially after bad experiences. those experiences make them want to act like grown ups, talking about sex, joking about it and stuff like they think adults do.

stranger things does the complete opposite: the kids are an ideal. if you think about it even after their traumatic experiences they stay sweet and innocent — because let’s be real, they never act really bad. maybe they’re a bit bitchy or something, maybe they distance themselves from the others, but they never do REALLY bad stuff. i mean they acted like mike was a criminal in s2 because he cheated on a test/essay, or because of the graffiti thing. mike also says “everyone graffitis the bathroom stall”, which is true! they act like he’s a really bad kid for doing something normal kids do on a daily basis! another example that i love is that when will is feeling bad he clings to his childhood even more, whether that be playing d&d or going trick or treating or drawing. those are normal things kids do. when max faces depression and anxiety she stops talking to basically everyone — which kids often do, it can even be selective mutism in some cases. and there are many MANY other examples !! like el and mike’s relationship — whenever they’re stressed they scream about how much they love each other, they cling to each other and their relationship, because it was their first crush, their first love (even if you think they never really loved/had a crush on each other it was their first relationship you know?). being each other’s partner is a part of their childhood they cling onto when they’re scared.

2. because they symbolize different things

the losers are an example of how reality is: even things that are supposed to be pure and innocent can be cruel, “dirty”. they’re the symbol of a society that puts each person to their limit, sometimes making them the worst version themselves.

the party members are an ideal. they represent innocence, the “good” in a world full of bad people, bad ideals, bad decisions. they’re a symbol of hope, because a world that is as ugly as theirs needs hope.

+ i also want to point out that it as a whole has a grey type of morality — the kids do bad and good things and at one point you don’t even know what to think about them. richie is a kid that deals with this feeling of alienation from his friends (canon in book and in the movies, but for different reasons), he’s overall a sweet guy, but also makes offensive comments — sometimes these comments are even racist, or fatphobic, or ableist. henry is a character you’re supposed to hate from the first to the last moment, but you’re sometimes even supposed to emphasize with him because at the end of the day he’s been abused his whole live. while in stranger things the characters are inherently good or bad. a black and white kind of morality.

[babybuckleydiaz]

prompt: the firefam are throwing a fam bbq and bucks parents and eddie’s parents are there too. bucks parents keep making mean and cruel comments about buck but he’s desperate to keep the peace and not “ruin” the party. bucks parents make a comment about buck and eddie and chris and that’s when shit hits the fan. eddie’s parents surprisingly get super protective of buck (maybe pre-relationship buddie or secret buddie??)

okay so, this doesn’t fit the prompt perfectly, but i got carried away. i am so sorry if this isn’t want you were looking for. Buddie isn’t really secret,, the only people who didn’t know were the Buckley parents. also also, did i make Maddie bisexual right at the end of the story because i thought that would be pretty neat? yes i did. I also apologise for any spelling mistakes and grammar errors, there are probably going to be a lot, I struggle to read back what I’ve written so I briefly read over it, if that makes sense. Thank you all so much for reading and thank you to the prompter :)

warnings: homophobia and swearing. the buckleys suck

  “Explain why I let you talk me into this.” There is a tone in Athena’s voice that Bobby can’t quiet decipher when Bobby moves to stand beside his wife, her eyes glued to the Buckley parents with so much dislike. Sighing, Bobby wraps an arm around the woman’s waist and presses a kiss to her cheek because he himself follows her gaze, to where Phillip and Margaret were conversing with Maddie and Chimney. “Because at least here Buck and Maddie are surrounded by their loved ones if anything goes wrong.” Was the response that Athena had been given, and that was honestly the only answer that she had needed as he moves her eyes to find Buck in the ground of people gathered in her backyard. She finds him, of course with Eddie glued to his side, as the young man speaks to Ramon and Helena with an easy smile on his face. Christopher is standing in between his father and Buck, both of the Diaz’s have refused to leave Buck alone the moment that his parents had arrived.

  “Evan, join us.” That had been Phillip’s voice that had called out above the mindless chatter that had taken over the atmosphere and no one misses how Buck seems to talk a calming breath before nodding his head. “Sorry, excuse me.” He politely said to Helena and Ramon, who just smiled at him in an understanding manner before they watch Buck walk away from them; taking the moment to take in the Buckley parents.

  “Why didn’t you tell us you were seeing someone?” Margaret questions, the tone in her voice making it clear that she was annoyed that she had to find out from someone who wasn’t Buck. Frowning, Buck looks over at Maddie who looks so apologetic that the young firefighter can’t find himself being mad at her, he understands when things just slip out. So he shakes his head at his older sister and smiles, to let her know wordlessly that she hadn’t done anything that she needs to be apologetic for.

  “Because honestly it was none of your business.” Simply says Buck, and Eddie has to pretend to cough when the snort that he lets out was a little louder than intended. With a fond yet exasperated look in her eyes, Helena reaches over and gently slaps Eddie on the back of the head while shaking her head good naturally. Buck also seems to have heard the sound, because he gives Eddie a look before rolling his eyes and turning back to his parents who stand before him unhappily. “Neither of you are really in my life, so I didn’t feel the need to share anything.” And it really was as simple as that, he doesn’t have that much to do with his own parents so he never thought to tell them that he had found himself in a relationship with his best friend.

  “Evan Buckley, we are your parents and deserve to know what goes on in your life.” Phillip is obviously angry, and he says it loud enough that everyone seems to fall silent as they turn their attention to the Buckley family with concern in their eyes. It was like they were all waiting for the moment when everything would go south side and hit the fan; ready to jump in if Buck and Maddie need them to jump to their defence. But instead Buck snorts as he shakes his head, because he’s in a good mood and doesn’t want anything; even his parents, to ruin his day nor make a scene in front of his friends and family. “Yeah sure, okay.” Buck responds as he moves away from his parents, obviously done with this conversation already, as he makes his way back to Eddie and Christopher’s side so he can just take a calming breath.

  “You okay, Evan?” That was Helena who had spoken when Buck joins them once again, and she watches as the firefighter shoots her a beaming smile and nod his head. “Yeah, I’m good.” Was all that Buck has to say, briefly looking over to see his parents looking at him with barely hidden annoyance at how they had been spoken to by their son. Buck shares that same beaming smile down at Christopher and kneels in front of him when the young boy tugs on his shirt to get his attention. “What’s up, kiddo.” He patiently asks, Christopher doesn’t say anything and instead moves forward so that he is in Buck’s arms receiving a huge hug from one of his favourite people. “Nothing, just wanted a hug.” Buck can’t help but laugh loudly as he shakes his head, a fond expression on his face as he looks down at the kid he loves as his own. “All you had to do was ask, bud.”

  “He’s going to be a great dad one day.” Karen, who had been watching the scene, whispers to her wife with a fond smile gracing her face and Hen chuckles lowly before she responds. “Oh he already is a dad, babe.” Was what she had responded with and Karen is confused for a split second before she realises that Hen is talking about Christopher and, yeah, he really is that kids second parent. While speaking, Nia begins to struggle in Hen’s arms, obviously wanting to be let go and Hen does what is asked of her and watches as her daughter marches her way over to Buck. “Hey, Buckaroo? Someone wants your hugs too!”

  Buck looks up just in time to see Nia crash heavily into his side, and he laughs as he is knocked onto his butt and then found himself with a lapful, Nia happily giggling as she buries herself against the older man’s chest. “Hi, baby!” Buck happily says, leaning down and kissing the little girl on the top of her head; running a hand up and down her back for a moment. The adults watching them go unnoticed as Buck blows a raspberry at Nia, who squeals a laughter and does one right back; Buck unable to help the beyond happy laugh that escapes his lips.

  “So this is what you do, delude yourself by playing house?”

  For a blissful moment, Buck had completely forgot that his parents were here and was only reminded when he heard the sound of his father’s voice demanding attention. Sighing, Buck takes a deep breath as he pushes himself to his feet with Nia still in his arms as the toddler leans against his chest; unaware of the tension shifting around her. “Can we please not do this here?” Because Buck really doesn’t want to be the reason that the carefree and happy environment turns sour and harsh; nor does he want to have an argument in front of the kids. Phillip stands strong and silent as he looks at his son, then at each of the other people looking between the both of them; and for now he relents.

  And Buck will take that as a win for now.

  Bobby moves over and claps Buck on the shoulder as he passes the younger man, wondering into the house to do something that no one was really bothered about. Buck smiles at his Captain as he disappears into the house. “Hey Bucky?” That was Christopher once against demanding for the attention of the older man, and who was Buck to deny the child that he loved something so simple? “Yeah, kiddo?” Once more, Buck finds himself moving towards the floor and he kneels in front of Christopher; knowing that the kid like to be eye level with the adults that he talks to.

  “When we get home, can we have a movie night?” The request was so damn simple, and Buck can’t help but think about the number of times his own parents shot him down when he asked for anything just as simple. “Hm, did you do your homework from Friday?” The adult questions, but it doesn’t matter because he knows that he will cave and say yes to anything that the kid will ask of him; those damn puppy dog eyes of his. “Yep!” Was the excited announcement that he had got back in return and for a moment Buck can’t help but chuckle as he looks at Christopher with nothing but love and fondness clear in his eyes. “Well then, of course we can buddy.”

  Ramon and Helena exchanged a look that held nothing but acceptance, Eddie catching onto it and unable to help smiling to himself. His parents adore Buck, have since they met back over a year ago. “Yay, you should also totally make us cupcakes.” Christopher adds on, almost as if it was nothing more than an afterthought. “Not today, bud. Maybe another day though.” Buck promises, ruffling Christopher’s hair before he pushes himself up to his feet and brushes the dust or dirt on his knees. That whole time, Buck still has Nia against his hip as if the extra weight didn’t affect him at all; holding onto her so naturally and Eddie can’t help how much his heart swells.

  Parenthood suits Buck.

  “You know, Evan.” Once again any light feelings and happiness feels as though it’s been drained completely out of him when Buck hears his mother’s voice sound up again. “Mum, don’t.” Maddie hisses, but all she gets is a blank look from her mother before her attention is shifted to Buck, who stands and faces her with a small frown. “Oh great, here we go.” Buck mumbles under his breath, Nia looking up at the sound of his voice and blinking at him before she lays her head once more on his chest.

  “If I had a partner who was playing house with another man, and his son I would be upset.”

  “Oh my f-“ Buck was going to swear when he remembered that he had a child in his arms and another standing right beside him who didn’t hesitate in repeating anything that he said. “We’re really going to do this here.” He scoffed, Eddie feeling so bad for Buck because every time he’s having a good time something always seems to go wrong and not in his favour. “Hey May, can you take the kids inside, please?” Buck knows that they were not going to avoid this discussion and argument, so the most that Buck can do is make sure that the kids don’t have to do this.

  “Course, I can.” May says, not hesitating in taking Nia from Buck’s arms and resting the toddler on her hips and then grabbing Christopher’s hand for a moment in support. “Come on, bud. Let’s make those cupcakes.” Buck smiles tightly at her, making a mental note to return the favour for May whenever she needs one next. “You are a saint.” He whispers to her when she passes him, and she throws a wink over her shoulder before she goes inside the house at the same time that Bobby walks out, having no idea what had happened while he was gone.

  “Ed?” Buck questions quickly, because what he is about to say will have to decide on what Eddie’s answer will be to his one word question. “Go for it, I’m good.” Is the response that Buck was hoping he would get, and he nods his head as he turns his back to his partner and faces his parents.

  “I am seeing someone, I’m in a relationship with Eddie. I’m not playing house with another man.” Buck said, everything was out in the open with his parents and he can’t help but wish that he never opened his mouth. He had no idea what his parents were going to say, but it was too late to take them back now that they had been said.

  And the mere seconds that pass feel like hours, everything silent that a pin drop would have been as loud as an explosion in Buck’s ears. He sees his mother look at him with wide eyes, looking at her son as if it were the first time that she had ever seen him. And his father just looks angrier then he had before, something that Buck hadn’t really thought was possible until this moment. “I thought you were over this little rebellion of yours, Evan.” Margaret had said with a sigh as she had lowered her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Clenching his jaw, Buck remains silent after what his mother had said while anger fills his body quicker than he ever thought would have been possible for him. But he’s pissed off, and this was something that he hated.

  Buck wasn’t someone that liked to feel anger, because once the anger was gone it left him drained to the bone like no other emotion could do.

  “You ruined one family, Evan. You really want to do that to another?”

  Now that is something that Buck had not expected to hear, and he couldn’t help but step back from the words as if they were a physical threat to him. His grown grows deeper as he feels that anger drain from him just as quickly as it had built up. He feels Eddie move to his side, an arm being placed around his waist in support and Buck looks at his boyfriend; who hasn’t hesitated in moving to his side the moment that Buck had stumbled back.

  “Excuse me?!” Both Eddie and Buck’s head whipped around at the sound of Helena’s voice calling out, demanding for all the attention as she steps away from her husband’s side and on the other side of Buck. Both her son and probably-future-son-in-law, both looked confused. It was known to both of them that Ramon and Helena preferred to stay out of other’s businesses, so neither of them had been expecting either of Eddie’s parents to jump into Buck’s defence. “N-No, Helena. It’s okay, it’s fine.” Buck quickly says, pushing down any emotions that he’s feeling as he looks at the older woman with a pleading expression, he really doesn’t want to be the reason that this day ends in an argument.

  “It’s not fine, Evan. They have no right to speak to you the way that they had.” It was Ramon who spoke up this time, but not moving from where he stood just behind the group; and Buck turns slightly to look at him with an expression that he can’t put into words. “Buck never ruined anything, mum! How dare you say that to him?” Maddie butts in, looking well beyond pissed off as she looked at her parents, the anger that she was feeling so clearly visible on her face for all to see. Philip is quick to shut down his daughter, holding his hand up in front of his face, and Buck doesn’t miss how Chimney looked more than tempted to slap that hand away from his partner. “Do not butt in, Maddie. This does not concern you.” Philip says harshly, and Buck had opened his mouth to jump to his sister’s defence, because no one can talk down to his sister in such a way and think that it’s okay.

  “Don’t you dare fucking do that to me.” But Maddie hadn’t given him the chance when she slapped her own father’s hand away, and Buck doesn’t deny that there was so much pride that swells up inside of him when his sister speaks. “I’m grabbing your coats, and both of you are leaving. Neither of you are wanted here.” Chimney is quick to follow Maddie as she waddles off into the house, no doubt trying to calm her down as they leave. “Oh look what you’ve done, Evan.” Phillip hisses, once again unable to take the blame that is solely his and Margaret’s, and placing it on Buck who hasn’t done a single thing wrong. Buck scoffs as he rolls his eyes, having no fight left within him as he ignores as best as he can what his father had just said to him. He really doesn’t want to deal with this anymore.

  “It’s so amazing to me that you’re son ended up as wonderful as he is when you both raised him.”

  It seemed like Helena wasn’t done though as he speaks up once more, the protectiveness and anger written so clearly on her face that not even a blind man would have been able to miss it. She’s angry and she doesn’t want these people to leave before she can give them a peace of her mind. “It’s astounding, actually. You’re children are wonderful despite how cold and cruel the two of you are.” The woman adds on, and Buck can feel how his eyes widen at how easily and quickly Helena has come to his defence over something that she didn’t need to put herself into. “Who the hell do you think you are?” Phillip is left stunned for a moment before he finds his words, confused as to who the hell this woman thought she was to butt into something that didn’t concern her at all.

  “Well hopefully, Evan’s mother-in-law one day.” She responds over her shoulder, giving Eddie a pointed look who rolls his eyes in response. “You’re seriously okay with your son dating another man? Are you not worried about your grandson?”

  “Wow, we love good old homophobia.” Buck mumbles as he rolls his eyes for the hundredth time that day at what had been said by his parents; Eddie lighting tapping his shoulder as if to tell him off for what he said. “At first? No, I wasn’t okay with it. In fact I watched them to break up.” Helena isn’t ashamed to admit what she had originally thought of the relationship when they had been told, because she learnt from everything that happened.

  “But as a parent all I want is my son to be happy, and Edmundo has never been happier than with Evan.” She adds on, hoping that maybe anything that she said today could help the Buckley parents to understand that who their son dates should never be their concern. “And for Christopher? Evan loves that kid like his own, would protect him even at the cost of his own life.” Helena thinks back to the tsunami when she says that, knowing that Buck had done everything that he had in him to try and find Christopher after they got separated.

  “I wouldn’t exactly class Buck as the parenting type.” Margaret obviously thought that she was being quiet, but with the silence that was surrounding them everyone heard what she had to say. And saying that none of them were impressed with what they heard would have been so much more than an understatement.

  “It isn’t like Buck has a reference for what good parenting actually is.” Eddie angrily hisses, he really just can’t stand here and allow anyone to talk about Buck when they didn’t know him what so ever. “But Buck is a fucking amazing father, I’ll have you know.” The dark haired firefighter continues, because he’s seen time and time again how amazing Buck is when it comes to looking after Christopher. “So Buck never ruined my family, because he adds so much to it instead.” Buck can see how annoyed and angry Eddie was getting, he hates it when people diss his family and think that they can get away from it.

  “We’re gonna be back in a moment, I think someone needs at Christopher hug.” Buck excuses himself and Eddie, wanting to give his boyfriend the moment he needed to regain his thoughts and talk to his son. Nothing will ever sooth more than having a huge hug from his adorable son.

  By the time that they’re gone, Maddie is back and throws the coats at Margaret and Phillip, there are tears burning in her eyes but she looks much calmer than before.  “I’ll show you out.” Maddie’s voice is clipped and rough when she speaks, and she doesn’t give either of her parents any time to respond before she tells them to hurry up; urging them to the door. She throws the door open angrily and holds it, watching with eyes so cold as ice until her parents are out of the door.

  “Oh by the way!” Maddie calls out, a small and barely noticeable smirk on her face when her parents turn around to face their daughter. Maddie is leaning against the doorframe, a hand on her belly when she speaks again. “Now is a great time to let you know that I’m bisexual.” She admits, something that she had dreaded for so long in doing seeming easy, because no matter what they think she has a family who will support and love her no matter what. A brother and a partner who love her unconditionally, people who will always watch her back. And when her father opens his mouth, that angered look back on his face does Maddie slam the door with a smile.

  She turns around with that same smile on her face, only to jump back in freight and slap a hand over her chest when she sees Buck standing there with arms crossed over his chest and a smile on his face. “I thought you wanted to wait to tell them?” He questions, and Maddie can only find herself shrugging her shoulders with a sigh as he moves and pulls her brother into a tight hug that he easily returns. “I did, but then I thought fuck it. Might as well.” It was simple to Maddie really, because as long as she had her brother and Chimney by her side she wasn’t scared of what her parents would do or say anymore.

[siriuslyshewrote]

Tell Me - Finn Shelby

Request - Hey girl can I just say I love your fics and I’m sorry they’re not getting the same amount of notes that they used to!😘 I think you’re fabulous and if it’s not too much trouble can I request Finn Shelby where he has to marry for a business deal? It can be angst/fluff:

A/N - arranged marriage AU’s I swear... they’re one of my favs. Also can I just thank @ the lovely requester of this for being so freaking nice??!?

1927

You both stood in the kitchen (your new kitchen, you reminded yourself), in what was the opposite of a comfortable silence. You both still wore the clothes you had worn to the wedding party, but the drink had worn off now, and you had both suddenly realised that you knew nothing about each other.

“I know this isn’t what you’re used to.” Finn Shelby’s hand gestured to the room. “The house, I mean. Well, I guess this too.”

You shrugged, filling the kettle and placing it on the stove, searching for something to do.

“I think the house is beautiful.”

He was right in a way. You had grown up in a grand country manor, with more rooms than inhabitants could ever fill, though their egos most certainly did. Your father had struck a business deal with Thomas Shelby - and the product of that was yours and Finn Shelby’s marriage, their alliance. You hated that they had bargained with people - especially that one of those people were you, but it didn’t surprise you.

Growing up, you had known you would end up in an arranged marriage - all the women in your family did, one of the most important choices in their lives controlled by men who acted like they knew better. Some part of you had always thought that perhaps it would be wonderful. Your mother and father truly had loved each other, before your mother passed away. Some part of you thought you would end up with the same, with a rich boy who maybe would be a bit of a prick, but would love you all the same. But instead of that, you had been engaged to a Peaky Blinder . And not only that, one of the Shelby boys.

You had thrown a fit at first - not wanting anything to do with the life that being married to a Shelby entailed , the drugs, the drink, the cheating, and more importantly , the constant threat of death if they made another enemy.

“My sister, Ada, she decorated it. She thinks she’s some sort of interior designer.” He let out a laugh, though it was halting and uncomfortable. He sounded as if he had about as much clue as what to do as you.

“She did it well.” You poured the hot tea into two mugs, going to pour milk, before realising you didn’t even know if Finn liked milk in his tea. You let out an exhale.

“Look, lets not pretend that either of us wanted this. Let’s just get on with it, yeah?” You didn’t intend to be harsh - in fact, your tone was soft, but you knew it came across as cruel.

He paused. “Yeah, you’re right.”

You tried to pretend that you couldn’t hear the hurt in his voice, as you cradled the mug of tea in your hands.

___________

Two Months Later

Finn appeared home relatively early for once, slamming through the door loudly in his usual day, at around half seven, startling the cat snoozing in your lap.

“I’m home!” He yelled.

“I think the whole street knows that!” You replied with a laugh, as he entered the living room, shrugging off his jacket, letting it drop onto the floor behind him, not particularly caringly, as he shot you a grin.

Ever since that conversation in the kitchen, you and Finn had lived together as nothing more than friends, though it took a while to build your relationship up to even that point. You thought it was the best way, at first, convinced you could never have feelings for him, and him, to you. Recently, however, you couldn’t deny that your feelings towards the Shelby boy were beginning to change.

He paused at the mantelpiece for a moment.

“You put up photos?” There was a smile in his voice, a small one, as he looked back at you.

You stood up, walking next to him, at your collection at the mantelpiece - his family photos and yours mixed together , almost as if you were a real family. For a moment, it felt like you were.

“I finally got round to unpacking, yeah.” You laughed a little.

“Is that your mum?”

You looked at the photo, the laughing woman, who looked so much like you, holding a five year old you on her lap, and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“She was beautiful.”

“She really was. I can’t remember much about her, of course. She died when I was only little.”

“Like mine.” Finn spoke softly, his eyes glancing to the photo of his mother, and all of his family, all of them looking a lot younger, and a lot happier.

“Do you remember much about her? I... I mean, I can’t about my mum. Just a couple memories, the rest is just... fog.”

“Not much. I remember this one time really vividly, though, I don’t know if it was just a dream. We were in the living room, just us two and Ada, and I remember her dancing with me. I remember her laugh, the most. I can still hear it, if I close my eyes.” His voice was soft, and his eyes were firmly focused on the photo, as if he was lost in the memory. “What about you?”

You paused for a few moments - you never really talked about your mother, but with Finn ... though you didn’t fully know him, you trusted him, a lot, already.

“I must have been only three or four at the time, but she took me out to the grounds of the house, and I picked a tree, and she made me a swing, from scratch. My mum loved stuff like that. I loved that swing. My dad cut it down after she... after she passed. I don’t think he could bear any reminders of her.”

You both stood in silence for a few moments, lost in the past.

“Your dads a bit of a...” Finn began, then stopped himself as if unsure if he was going too far.

“A prick? Oh, definitely.” You both laughed a little.

You rearranged one of the photo frames so the grinning boy in it faced you.

“Who’s that? I don’t remember meeting him-“

“That’s my older brother. Eddie.” Your voice caught a little as you looked at the photo - his war photo, the one they took when he was enlisted. It was the last one you would ever have. “He died - in the Great War , I mean.”

“I’m so sorry.” Finn’s voice sounded sincere, sounded truly sorry, was the first person who ever really had had that reaction.

“He raised me, really, after Mum died. He was my best friend.” Your fingers traced over his smiling face. “He promised me he’d come home. He nearly did - he died two days before Armistice.”

“Shit...” His voice trailed off for a moment. “Do you know... where he’s buried? Is it in England?”

“They sent us a letter, telling us where he is. Somewhere in France. Calais.”

“Maybe we could go there, someday.”

You turned your face, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Sorry - was that stupid to say?” His voice was slightly panicked.

“No, no, no.” You said hurriedly,not wanting him to get the wrong idea, wiping away your tears. “That- that would be wonderful Finn.”

You reached out your hand to his, linking your fingers together, shooting him a grin, watching the corners of his smile pull up.

__________________

It was several days later, when you were walking home from the market, with the intention of cooking Finn a meal you had discussed a few nights ago, the one his mother always made for him as a kid.

You’d only just pushed open the gate to your cottage, when you noticed Finn rather haphazardly balancing in the branch of the old oak tree in the garden.

“Finn! What are you ... doing.” You trailed off as you got closer, noticed what he was doing.

Dressed in only a shirt and suit trousers, a small gash on his face that hadn’t been there when you left only a few hours ago, Finn was carefully securing rope onto a tree, that was connected to a small, wooden swing. You bit your lip, trying to keep your emotions in.

He shot you a startled grin.

“I thought you’d be out longer, I wanted it to be done-“ He carefully lowered himself to the ground, so he was facing you. “Before you got back.”

“You made me a swing?” You fingers brushed the rope, lip trembling.

“I remembered what you said the other night, about your dad cutting down your swing - I wanted to make you one here. I wanted to make it like... I don’t know, home.” His cheeks were flushed red, his eyes darting around awkwardly.

“This might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” Your voice cracked.

“You like it then?” He grinned.

“I love it.”

Spurred on by emotion, you stepped forward, one of your hands cradling his cut open cheek, eyes looking into his. Gently, unsure, you kissed him. He kissed back, not showing the awkwardness you knew he felt from his flushed cheeks, his hands going to your waist, and you realised how much you liked them there.

You pulled away after a minute, eyes going back to your swing, Finn’s hands still on your waist.

“Should we try it then?”

Your voice indicated towards the swing, but really, you thought, you meant your relationship. For the first time, you were certain you could grow to love the auburn haired freckle faced boy in front of you - if you hadn’t fallen in love already.

I forgot to tag people (I’m doing it now sorry)

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[stones-x-bones]

It’s Only Blood (Night 1 Cont.) || Mina and Bex

TIMING: Current (continuation of this) PARTIES: @drowningisinevitable and @inbextween SUMMARY: The eye of the storm. CONTENT: Domestic abuse mentions, References to child abuse 

For a moment, Mina allowed her nails to change again, growing sharp and dangerous. She’d never been taught to use them as weapons, but they’d honestly served her better than any knife. They’d ripped the head off of a harpy well enough. “I make a piss poor sword,” she said, lightly. She hadn’t been a good weapon, too anxious, too afraid, too cautious. But she’d put her body in between enough people and danger to know that she made a damn good shield. As much as she could, anyway. She made the claws go away, the effort not as bad as it had been before. “I hate them for hurting you, and I hate them for making you go back to them,” she murmured. Not even for herself. She couldn’t care less about herself. But anywhere was better for Bex than being with her parents. She’d prefer her to stay with the Youtuber, Eddie. Anyone but her parents. Mina tasted blood at Bex’s words. She’d bitten into the inside of her cheeks. “I--” Of course she loved Bex. It was a fact of life. Pi was infinite, music sounded best when it was played by someone who was passionate about it, and Mina loved Bex. And Bex loved Mina because it didn’t matter if Bex could lie. She wouldn’t lie to Mina. Not about this. Not about something that hurt so much. “I love you, too. So much. It’s like a hole in me. But I wouldn’t-- I wouldn’t get rid of-- If I could make it easier for you, I would. I will. Please tell me how. I’ll do anything. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I’ll do anything. I’ll leave town if you want. I won’t come back. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t mean selfish that way,” Bex said. They weren’t selfish because they wanted more for themselves, or because they wanted to keep things for themselves. They weren’t selfish in the way small children who refused to share were, or old businessmen who hoarded their wealth were. They were selfish because they chose their fear over everyone else. They were selfish because they hid themselves away, afraid that any gentle touch or voice was just a lie. Bex turned her head to look over at Mina on the couch. Thunder shook the cabin and lightning momentarily lit up the inside. Bex used to be afraid of thunderstorms, as a child. But the one time she’d tried to find comfort in her parents, she’d learned the lesson quick that she was alone in life, that she had to deal with her fears alone, and that’s when her closet, and the shoes on the floor, and the small hidden space behind the shelf, had become her sanctuary. Fear had always meant safety. “You’re not greedy or mean or anything like that. I just mean...you’d rather hide than let someone in. Or run, then let someone hold you. It’s the kind of selfish that keeps you safe. The kind of selfish that comes with being afraid of so much. We hide and we keep ourselves to ourself because it’s easier and it’s familiar...and it’s selfish.” 

Bex looked out the window and squinted into the dark, wondering if she might see Frank’s shadowed form waiting for them just outside. But all there was were trees and rain and dark. “I’m so scared,” she whispered, “I’ve been afraid for so long. I don’t even know what life would be like without. I thought leaving them would make me less scared, but it didn’t. I thought going home would make all of this stop happening, but it didn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. All my life all I wanted was the chance to make my own choices and now I’ve made all the wrong ones and I don’t know what to do.”

Her eyes drew down as Mina’s hands turned to webbed claws again. “Swords aren’t the only tools,” she said back quietly. She turned herself so that her shoulder was against the couch and she could look at Mina more fully, before she slipped her hand out from under the blanket and prodded at Mina’s fingers, still clawed. They turned back to her human looking ones and Bex turned her hand palm up to let Mina’s fingers rest there. She hated her parents, too, she realized. As desperately as she wanted her mother’s love, she hated her for it. She hated how much she ached for just one iota of love from her. Just one real moment where her mother would look at her and see her and love her. It would never happen, but still Bex wished for it. She hated Mina’s dad for making her feel the same. She knew Mina felt the same. The lengths they would go to to convince themselves of a parents’ poisoned love was too big. “Please don’t leave,” was all she said, and she blinked as a tear fell from her chin. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Is that not self preservation as opposed to selfishness?” Mina asked. Maybe there wasn’t a difference. Maybe it was selfish to want to guard one’s heart, one’s mind. Mina didn’t know. It did feel selfish, sometimes, when she knew that Morgan needed her but she just couldn’t make herself go home. “Sometimes it’s just-- it just seems like it’s for the best, to run or leave or take care of myself. I don’t want to bother other people.” And she didn’t. Her whole life, Mina was taught to not be a burden. She walked on broken bones, she found her own shelter, she taught herself. If she needed something, she figured out a way to get it for herself, and if she wanted something… she figured out just how desperately she wanted it, if it was worth it. And it hadn’t always been hard; she’d been given nice things, but she knew to provide for herself first if she wanted to be provided for. That’s just how life was. “I don’t want you to be afraid anymore. I wish I could help you. I would, if I could.” If you’d let me.

“I know they’re not. There’s also knives and crossbows and guns and…” she trailed off, and she’d almost been joking, but not really. She wasn’t raised to be a tool. She was raised to be a weapon. Whatever Bex’s parents had wanted her to become, whatever tool they were attempting to shape her into, it probably wasn’t a weapon. She put her trembling hand in Bex’s palm and, before she could think about it too much, she let the webbing reform between her fingers, even if she kept the claws away. She felt exposed in ways that she hadn’t, even though there were plenty of people that had seen this. But it was Bex, and she wanted to prove that she trusted her. She didn’t think that Bex would shy away, not in the way that Mina would have shied away from herself. “I won’t leave unless you tell me to. I won’t. You’d-- You’d have to give me a few days, regardless. I don’t think I’ll be traveling in the immediate future.”

“I don’t know the difference,” Bex admitted. And truly, she didn’t. Her parents called her selfish for wanting something more. They called her cruel for not giving them what they wanted. They told her she was selfish because she couldn’t be the way they wanted her to be. She’d believed them, she still did. She’d started to wonder, to change, but she still believed them. “It does seem that way, doesn’t it?” She was still angry, but her weary body had stopped gathering up enough energy to be that way. She laid her head on the side of the couch. Mina still needed to be stitched up, she needed to check the pots outside, and go down to the boathouse to check for buckets before it stopped raining. She should check the level of the basin outside, maybe there was enough to fill the tub halfway. Mina could soak and they could try again in a bit. There was still so much to do, she had to keep going. But her body wouldn’t let her move. She closed her eyes for a moment. “You’re not a bother, Mina,” she said absently, “I can’t think of one situation where you were ever bothering anyone. Morgan agrees, I think even Deirdre would agree. And Rio, he likes you, too. He said you’re a good person and a good fighter. And Nell. She likes you. You guys both really like knives, too. I think Nell likes talking to you.” The words were partially slurred and Bex remembered the bottle next to the couch. She wondered what it might be. “Even Adam seems to like you. You’re not a bother.” But being taught to be small and not a burden or a bother was just another thing Bex understood too well, too.

“People,” Bex added on to Mina’s list. Money, wealth, power. Influence. They were on opposite sides again. Where Mina was raised with metal and blood, Bex was raised with smoke and shadow. “Whatever you did while with your dad was never your fault,” she mumbled absently. She opened her eyes when she felt Mina’s hand shift again. “You just wanted him to love you. You’d do anything if he just told you he loved you.” Why were parents so cruel? She smothered Mina’s hand with her own and ran her fingers along the silvery scales on the back of her hands. “I don’t want you to leave. I didn’t drag your unconscious body miles through the forest in the rain just so you could leave.” She scooted a little closer, close enough to bring Mina’s hands up to her lips. Her skin was cool. “I want to stay with you.” She said, barely audible. The fire crackled, the rain poured, but her voice could still be heard. She wanted to stay, but they weren’t people who got things they wanted.

“I don’t either,” Mina said. Perhaps the difference had been that Bex had been taught to believe in selfishness whereas Mina had only known self preservation. She only knew how to take care of herself. She didn’t know how to lean on other people. Even in the field, she’d still had to watch her own back. It was nice being in White Crest because she didn’t have to perpetually be on guard, but old habits didn’t go gently; even with Adam in the portal, even with her plans to make sure he got out no matter what, there’d been a part of her that still didn’t know if he would have her back the way she had his. She picked at the hole she’d made in the couch, unsure of what to say. She felt like a burden, just like she didn’t feel like a person. It wasn’t about anyone else, not really. It was about her and how she saw herself, and maybe it was wrong, and maybe she was wrong, but that didn’t change anything. She could be told that all day long and there would always be a part of her that still wouldn’t believe it. Instead of commenting on it, she said, “You need rest.” She could probably make room on the couch for both of them. Bex was injured, too, and Mina didn’t forget about that. Falling asleep on the floor wasn’t going to do her any favors. 

“People,” Mina echoed. People could be tools, too. She could be a person. She was a person. She reminded herself of it again and again until it almost felt real. “I don’t think that’s true. I still did it. I’m still accountable. I wasn’t always a child. I was never really a child.” She knew what she was doing, even if she hadn’t. She’d always felt that it was wrong. She should have known that it was wrong. “He could have changed.” She was just repeating what she’d said in her dream, what she told herself all the time. “He wasn’t given a chance.” And how could he have been, when his upbringing had probably been something similar to her own? He didn’t talk about the way he was raised, but Mina could only assume. “Then I won’t leave.” She flinched a bit, though. “I tried to stay awake. I just-- I couldn’t, and I couldn’t hear what you were saying even though I know you were talking. But I did try.” She wished she’d been able to try harder. “That’s good. I don’t-- I don’t want you trying to get out in this.” And, more importantly, “I don’t want you to leave me.”

Then, maybe, there wasn’t a difference. Bex didn’t know. Mina didn’t either. She wished she could ask Morgan. She wished there was someone else here, helping. They’d know what to do. Bex didn’t know what to do and she was so tired and Mina was ignoring her again. Ignoring some of the things she was saying. She furrowed her brow. She couldn’t make Mina understand that anymore than someone could make her. In the end, it had to be them to make the decision to feel that way. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. Bex understood what conditioning was, she’d read about it so much. She knew it’s what her own parents had done. So of course it’s what Mina’s father had done to her. Maybe worse. Mina thought she was nothing more than a killing machine, something made to destroy. She wished she could show Mina that she could heal, too. That she could create. That she had life in her touch. Bex drew in a breath. “I’m fine,” she said, “I slept a little earlier. There’s still things to do. And the fire--” she turned to look back over at it, and it was dwindling, its heat disappearing before she could feel it. “The fire needs tending. And I can’t sleep if-- in case he comes back.” She wouldn’t let him just come trudging in here and kill them both.

“You were a child,” Bex said, a bit harshly. She had been a child, too. “Whether or not you actually got to be one, you were a child.” It didn’t matter how many times Mina tried to excuse him, she would never let her get away with thinking what he’d done was okay. If what her parents was doing wasn’t okay, then nothing Mina’s father had done was, either. It was worse. He had taken a child and made her hate herself and her species and made her feel less than a person and used her to kill other people. So much so Mina thought it was her own fault. “I’d never put that on you. I don’t think any of that was on you.” But what did she know? She wasn’t really a part of this world. She wasn’t a part of Mina’s world. “He doesn’t deserve a chance.” She said darkly. Her parents didn’t deserve a chance, either, but she was giving them one, wasn’t she? She was a hypocrite, but she knew that already. She moved her hand from Mina’s and pushed herself up with a great effort. There were things to do. Maybe she could find a real bed for Mina. She looked down at her, eyes soft. “I’m not leaving you.” Not right now, at least. “It’s okay, Mina. You were--” dying, so close to dying. She had practically been dead in her arms and Bex couldn’t forget what it looked like. “It’s okay now.” 

“You’re not fine.” Mina frowned, looking Bex over. “You’re only doing marginally better than I am, actually.” She sighed. “If you get any water, save what you boil and clean for yourself. The only water that’s harmful to me is saltwater. My body could use a puddle to heal, at this point.” And she didn’t want to say that she’d done that before, years ago when she’d had a cut on the bottom of her foot and hadn’t been able to find water for kilometers in any direction. “You need to drink more than,” she glanced at the bottle, the strong scent of alcohol reaching her even from a distance, “that.” She looked at the door, almost expecting Frank to be conjured into existence, but he didn’t show. She shook her head. “I don’t think he’s coming back tonight. He expected me to die, when he left. If he comes back, it won’t be until tomorrow to retrieve my body. Now that he knows what I am, he might even wait longer if he thinks that the rain will keep me alive.” He didn’t expect anyone to come for her, and he’d wanted her to suffer. That’s why he’d taken the knife out. He hadn’t wanted the iron to kill her; he’d wanted her to bleed out. But she hadn’t, and he’d made a mistake, not watching her die. Mina was going to kill him. She was going to kill him.

“I was… It doesn’t matter, not anymore.” But Mina didn’t think that children were brought up to think the way she had. She didn’t think she’d ever been a child. She didn’t know if she would have been a child even without her dad. Her mother might have made her into something much, much worse. “I still… I think about it all, a lot. Morgan asked me, once, how the hunters I grew up with would have treated her, and… they’d have tried to kill her. They wouldn’t have hesitated. I did because I knew her before. I did because I’ve never been able to kill anyone.” And that made her weak, so weak, but she couldn’t regret it. She couldn’t. Not if it meant that she got to know Bex. Not if it meant that Bex didn’t see her as a monster. She remembered the relief, from her dream, when the blood had faded away and Bex seemed to realize that none of it was real. Mina didn’t know what Bex would think of her if she’d actually killed someone with her own hands. (The little voice in her head reminded her that she was going to kill Frank. She was going to. She was going to. If he walked in right then, she’d have given it her damnedest, regardless of her injuries.) She looked down, and maybe she understood why Bex hated her dad so much. Maybe they were both destined to hate each other’s parents. “He-- He’s dead now. It doesn’t matter.” She reached for Bex’s hand even as she stood up and pulled away, and she couldn’t keep the panic out of her voice as she just said, “Bex, please.” 

“I’m doing much better than you, actually,” Bex pointed out. But only because Mina had been nearly dead, so close to dead, so close to dying. Bex hadn’t actually made it in time. If it hadn’t rained, Mina would have died. Bex choked on the thought. “Don’t. Don’t-- stop. Please don’t talk about him, I can’t-- I don’t want to--” think about him, talk about him, anything about him. Even if her mind still tried to bring him back to the forefront every time she glanced at the door, she needed to not think about him. About what he’d done to her, about how close he’d come to killing Mina. About what he might do next. She swallowed. “I just want to-- focus on you. On getting you better.” She gave a little laugh, and it didn’t sound or feel as hollow somehow. “There’s a boat out front full of water. I used it to drag you up to the house with all the supplies.” She was reminded of the pots again, and she went to move, but her body gave out and she stumbled to her knees, shaking. She didn’t want to think about Mina dying anymore, she didn’t want to think about Frank trying to kill her. She didn’t want to think about it all being her fault. She wanted to go back to yelling. Or maybe just talking. Or maybe she could get away with just sitting with Mina in silence. Or maybe drinking. Her eyes went back to the bottle. “I need to go get more water.”

She lifted her gaze to look at Mina again. “It does matter,” she said, “but..we can not talk about it anymore.” She didn’t really want to talk about any of it anymore. She didn’t know how she’d feel in the morning, but maybe things would sort themselves out. There was still so much to talk about. She had to keep going. She lifted herself back up. “Not killing someone doesn’t make you weak. I think, in the face of what you were made to be and how you were treated-- I think that makes you stronger.” It certainly made her a better person. Not that Bex would have thought less of Mina had she killed as a child. It wasn’t her fault. She was a child who had been tainted. She moved away from her but stopped, chewing on her lip. “I’ll just-- I'll be right back. I pro--” she paused. It was such a simple thing to promise, but it made her tongue taste sour. “I’ll be right back.” And she pushed out the front door again. She left it open so Mina could watch her, shaking with such an exhausted tremor, water spilled over the edges of the pot. She made it close enough to the fire before collapsing, setting the pot inside it before throwing another log on. “I can see if there’s enough water in the basin to fill the bath, if you need.” She turned to look back towards Mina. She looked so tired. “We still need to stitch your side up.” She prodded her own side. “And...maybe mine.” Definitely hers too.

“Much better is a stretch. Though, to be fair, I’m only doing marginally better than a corpse,” Mina said, and she flinched a bit. “I’m sorry. That was morbid. And I don’t particularly want to talk about it, either, but I’ve lost a lot of the control over what I say, recently. I-- I lied, too much, and now I have a hard time shutting up. But we don’t have to talk about that. We can talk about anything else.” Whatever Bex wanted to. Mina was willing to do whatever. “You… dragged me up here in a boat? I-- Wasn’t that heavy? How? Where did the boat come from?” She looked around them again, still trying to figure out where they were. The house was small, smaller than her own near the lake, and dingy with disuse. She couldn’t help but feel impressed that Bex had managed to drag both her and a boat up to it, as well as getting Mina inside and on the couch. She reached out when Bex buckled in on herself, but Mina was useless. “Bex!” She worried the inside of her cheek with her teeth, trying to figure out what to do. “You’re exhausted. Please, just-- You need to rest, too. You’ll be no good to either of us if you pass out.”

Mina took a breath and looked away. “Thank you.” She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. It didn’t matter. She didn’t think that it mattered. It had happened. There was no getting that time back. There would never be any sort of reclaiming of childhood, no rediscovery of her inner kid. Such things didn’t happen; such things didn’t exist. “It-- I’m glad I didn’t. Kill anyone. I’m glad. But it would have made things easier. I would have had an easier time when I was younger if I’d proven myself more.” She might have gotten nicer things, more rewards for doing her duty. Of course, there would have also been satisfaction in herself over the fact that she’d done what she was trained to, that she’d been good. She would have been more than a monster; she would have been a monster that slayed other monsters. She watched Bex go. “Just-- please be careful.” She didn’t care that Bex wasn’t going far. She just wanted her to be careful. There was nothing she wanted more than to help Bex, and she was so frustrated at how useless she felt. She was tired and in pain and useless, and she almost wished she had that jar of pain reliever that Nell had given her when she cracked her ribs. The thought of resting in a bathtub sounded lovely. “I’m fine with whatever. I probably just need to soak my leg and my side. After the stitches.” She sighed, knowing that Bex wasn’t going to let her do them herself. “I can help with yours if you’d like, after we do mine.”

Bex winced at the analogy. “You’re not a corpse,” she said in a low voice. She’d made it in time and Mina wasn’t dead which meant Mina wasn’t a corpse because Bex had made it in time. She’d made it in time and that was all that had mattered. She’d kept going, beyond the point of exhaustion, and something inside of her had pushed her more and further, and she’d made it. Adrenaline and her magic had left her empty, drained from all the things she’d used it for to get here. “There was a boat house, down by the dock. By the-- we’re by a little lake. I don’t know where. There’s no trail signs or anything.” She moved the pot to sit on top of the fire, watching the pot turn red hot from it. “I couldn’t carry you anymore. And I needed to find supplies. I couldn’t carry you and supplies. So I dumped it all in an old, wooden boat-- more like a...canoe, like those wooden boats they let you take out on the lake at the Cryptid Corner-- and dragged it up here by the tie rope. I don’t have a lot of life experience, but I’ve read enough books about what to do when you’re lost in the woods that I knew what to look for, I guess.” She licked her lips and looked back at Mina. “Magic helped, too.” She’d seen Nell use her magic to make herself momentarily stronger, and she’d read the spell on how to do it several times in one of the books. Maybe it was books that had saved her life.

She ignored Mina’s pleas for her to rest. She couldn’t rest yet. She wondered what time it was, but the only clock in the house-- an old analog that looked older than the cabin, even-- wasn’t working. Had probably stopped working long ago. “Don’t thank me,” she murmured, scooting over back towards the couch after she’d gathered up the medical supplies. She didn’t make any comment on how Mina felt about her childhood. She couldn’t understand that decision. She couldn’t understand wanting to add more hurt to the world when it hurt so much already. Even if that’s what a parent wanted, she could never do it. That was the one line she’d always drawn with her parents-- she would do no harm. She didn’t want to hurt or kill anyone. She wanted to kill Frank. Blinking, she looked up at Mina on the couch. Her thoughts had made her mind drift for a moment and she needed to concentrate. Her eyes dropped to the bottle next to her foot and she made to grab for it before pausing. She needed to be clear headed for this. Drawing in a breath, she looked up at Mina again. “I’ll fill the tub and hope there’s enough water in the basin to reach your side. The tub is a little small, but it’s better than nothing.” The bathroom was small, too, but there was room between the built-in sink and the tub for Bex to sit or lay. She started unraveling the thread that was already hooked through the needle. There wasn’t much. Her eyes went to Mina’s side, the gash that was hidden underneath old, poorly applied bandages. God, she really was exhausted. They’d have to do this before Bex really did pass out. “Only if there’s enough thread,” she mumbled and reached forward, beginning to pry the bandages gently away from Mina’s side. She shook as she touched her, conscious, for the first time, or her fingers grazing Mina’s skin. It’d been so long since she’d touched her. She bit her cheek and kept going. “I don’t...there’s nothing for the pain,” she said, her voice worried. “This is probably gonna hurt. More.”

“No, I’m not. Because of you. I’m not.” Mina didn’t think she’d ever truly get over this, even after she healed. She’d never get over Bex doing this for her. She’d never really understand it, either. But, then again, wouldn’t she do the same for Bex? Wouldn’t she do more? Wouldn’t she tear cities and walls and people for the girl in front of her? Wasn’t she already planning to kill the boy that put her in this position, even if it wasn’t for herself (especially if it wasn’t for herself)? This was love, and it was painful, but somehow it was what the two of them had, wretched and awful as it was. If Mina could, she’d take it away from Bex. It was hurting her. The last thing Mina ever wanted to do was hurt her. “Well, knowledge is power. I think we’d both be in considerably worse shape if you didn’t know what you know.” And there was something like pride in her voice. Bex had managed to do all of this, on her own, with no prior experience. Sure, magic helped, but magic was an innate part of who Bex was. Of course she’d been able to utilize it to help herself. 

“Sorry,” she said, more of a reflex than anything. She stayed still as Bex checked everything, her fingers trembling as she touched Mina’s skin. She was so close. Mina just wanted to reach out and hold her. That was it. She just wanted to hold her. The featherlight touches were a good confirmation that she was alive, though. That this was real. She’d known it was. Of course she’d known it was. Still. It was nice to be sure. “As long as there are stitches and I can cover my side up with a towel or something, all that matters is that we soak my leg.” She was going to have to reset it in the morning, something she wasn’t looking forward to at all. “It’s definitely going to hurt, yes,” Mina said, unable to sugar coat the situation even if she did keep her voice soothing. “But I’m not going to move while you do it, so it’s going to be fine. Don’t worry about hurting me, and don’t worry about making the stitches pretty; just make them functional. Have you read up on how to do a continuous suture? That’s what you’re going to try and do here.” She looked at the bottle that Bex had been reading for. “And maybe let me have some of that, please.” She wouldn’t drink much, but it might help a little. 

“You wouldn’t have been hurt, either, if it weren’t for me,” Bex mumbled off-hand. This was her fault. In every sense of the word. Frank would have no reason to go after Mina if it weren’t for her. He’d never even have met Mina, probably. And then, when they’d had him, Bex had made Nell let him go. And then, when he was clearly running rampant, stabbing people, she still hadn’t told anyone. This was all her fault. She felt her cheeks growing wet again and she had to stop for a moment, wiping at them. “I should’ve let Nell kill him,” she whispered. Mina would be dead if Bex hadn’t been able to do what she’d done. She hadn’t known she was capable of doing what she’d done, but she had. Some deep desperation inside of her had pushed her to be able to do what she’d done. Still, her mind toyed with what ifs. What if she hadn’t even made it to Mina in time? What if she hadn’t been able to get her out of the trap? What if she hadn’t been able to carry her for so long? What if when she’d fallen down the hill, she’d lost Mina? What if she’d never been able to find water? What if, what if what if? If Bex hadn’t been a part of her life, none of this would have even happened. 

She needed to listen. Mina was explaining how to do the stitches and Bex needed to listen. But it was hard. She was crying-- sobbing, really-- and she couldn’t listen. They didn’t need to be pretty and they didn’t need to be good, they just needed to be there enough to hold Mina together. She looked at the wound in her side and remembered how painful the knife had felt sliding into her own side. How much more painful it had been coming out. How it had torn at her insides. How the doctor’s had looked at the wound in worry, and the mangled muscle, and how Bex was looking at Mina’s now and it was so much worse. Bex felt her heart gurgling in her throat. “I'm so sorry,” she murmured, and she reached out absently for one of Mina’s hands and squeezed it as she buried her face in the side of the couch. “I’m so sorry he did this to you.” She needed to keep going, but her body suddenly had other plans. It had stopped moving and it was really all she could do to not let her sobs grow too loud, repeating the apology like a mantra. Like maybe it might make everything magically better. If only, if only.

Mina started shushing Bex gently. “Hush. If not him, I’m sure I would have run into someone else. And a lot sooner, too.” Hers was never supposed to be a long life, not with the way that she was raised. Mina knew that. She’d come to terms with that a long time ago. Her dad hadn’t made it to fifty. She’d always thought that thirty would be her cap. “Something like this would have happened regardless. It’s not your fault. It’s not.” Honestly, if she’d encountered Frank without Bex around, he still would have tried to kill her. He might have not been as vindictive, as vengeful about it, but he would have still gone for her. She was a threat. She was something to be disposed of, and he probably would have gotten rid of her in that alley behind the theater if Bex hadn’t intervened. Mina shook her head. “You were standing by your beliefs. That’s what mattered. It’s not on you. It’s not.” And even though Mina wanted to kill Frank, she was glad that the decision for his death wasn’t going to weigh on Bex. That was going to be Mina. Because she was going to kill him. She was going to kill him. If there wasn’t anything else to keep her going after this, then that would. 

“You don’t have to apologize. You don’t. You don’t.” She squeezed Bex’s hand and used her other to slowly brush it through Bex’s hair. “You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t stab me. You didn’t tell him to stab me. This isn’t on you. It’s not. It’s not.” She took the needle and thread out of Bex’s hand and set it down before she put her hand on Bex’s cheek and nudged her to look at her. They weren’t going to be working on this any time soon. There was no way that they could, anyway. She’d tend to her injuries, later, if she had to, if Bex fell asleep. She’d wake her if she needed to stitch her up as well. “I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for any of this. I don’t. Please, Bex, I don’t.” She didn’t want Bex to cry. She didn’t want them to have to do this. She wished that Bex was somewhere safe. She wished that Bex wasn’t hurting like this. That was Mina’s fault. She was the one that should be apologizing.

It wasn’t a comfort to know that someone else could’ve-- would’ve-- done this to Mina. Bex felt a strange fury building inside of her. She hated the unfairness of it all. Why was it okay for people to run around killing other people? Why was she so powerless to help Mina? She’d gotten there too late. She could’ve stopped Frank if she’d just told someone. If she’d just tried to do something. If she wasn’t such a coward. If she had just let Nell kill him. If she had just-- if she had just. There were too many. “That doesn’t really make me feel better, you know,” she sniffled, trying to keep the quiet rage out of her voice, “and this time-- this boy-- it is my fault. I had so many chances to listen to someone and to stop him and I--” she squeezed tighter before remembering Mina’s condition and trying to relax her grip. She’d never felt so angry before. It reminded her of her mother’s anger. She didn’t want this anger, but how was she supposed to get rid of it without being just like her? Bex tried to swallow the rage and the tears and she choked on them. “My stupid beliefs keep getting people hurt,” she croaked, “maybe I need to...rethink them.” She wished she wasn’t such a coward.

Bex shook her head. “It is! I do! I have to because it’s-- it’s my fault! It is! And not just because-- not just because I stopped him from dying. But because-- my mom-- my parents--” she stuttered and felt the words catch in her throat. Mina’s hand on her cheek felt so warm it almost burned. She shouldn’t have this, she didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve a happiness like the one she knew Mina could give her. She turned her face away. “You should. You should. If you’d never met me, none of this would’ve happened. None of it. And I--” she watched Mina set the suture aside and tried to bring a focus back to her mind, but she couldn’t. She was so tired. She needed to sleep. “I need to fix this. I can do this. I can, I--” her body shuddered when she tried to breathe in and she could feel her chest seizing up. No, fuck, no, she couldn’t have a panic attack right now. No. Mina needed her. Mina needed her to be here and be present and make sure neither of them died in this stupid, dingy, abandoned cabin. She held her breath and closed her eyes and realized all she really wanted to do right now was wrap herself up in Mina’s arms. “This was all supposed to stop when I went back, and it hasn’t and I don’t know-- I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Mina said again. Again and again and again, it seemed like sorry was all that she could say. “I know it’s not reassuring, but it’s the truth. It’s-- That’s how my life is.” She shook her head. “But no, this boy is not your fault. You don’t control his actions. You didn’t make him attack me. You didn’t make him do anything. That’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” She squeezed Bex’s hand back, enough to let her know that she was still there. Enough to let her know that she still could. She was only still alive because of Bex. That was it. She was the reason. And Frank might have found another time, another place to kill her whether Bex was involved or not. “You can’t control other people’s actions, Bex. It’s just not possible. And your beliefs had nothing to do with it. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. It’s not your fault he was a disappointment.”

Bex turned her head, but Mina pulled it back towards her. “It’s not your fault,” she repeated. “You’re not responsible for him. You’re not responsible for your parents. This isn’t on you. You didn’t stab me. You didn’t do this.” She stroked Bex’s face with her fingers, keeping the gesture soothing, simple. “If I’d never met you, I wouldn’t-- I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be genuinely happy. I mean, I’d been happy before knowing you. Only recently, really, mostly because of this place, but I have known genuine happiness because of you. Even right now, I’m-- there’s a part of me that’s okay because you’re here, and I hate that, and I hate that this is what’s happening right now, but I am glad you’re here, even if I wish you were somewhere safe.” She watched as Bex started to panic, and she felt her own. She sat up even more and made room, trying to get Bex closer to her on the couch. “Hey, hey, it’s-- Breathe, please. Just breathe. Let’s just breathe, okay?” She exaggerated her own breathing, making a show of doing it, even as it made her side hurt. “It’s okay. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay.” 

“He almost killed you, Mina!” Bex exhaled. If she’d had more energy, she would’ve yelled it. But she didn’t. “That’s not just-- it’s not disappointing, it’s-- it’s-- if I had just done one thing! Just one thing differently, this wouldn’t have happened. I-- I could’ve talked to him sooner, o-or told him what was going on, or if I’d just gone home sooner or never stayed with Morgan or let Nell kill him or fuck-- done it myself! One thing was all it took. One thing and I couldn’t even do that.” Her chest heaved. Mina was trying to get her to get up onto the couch with her but Bex’s eyes stuck to each of her injuries individually and she tried to pull away, too exhausted to even really fight. She felt her body sink into the couch. She tried not to lean on Mina too much. She didn’t want to hurt her more. She couldn’t hurt her more. Her eyes went to the knife on the table. “It might as well have been me,” she said, “my decisions keep getting people hurt.” 

But this wasn’t supposed to be about her. This wasn’t. Mina was still on the fringes of dying. She needed water, she needed medical attention, she needed more than Bex could give her. She tried to stand back up off the couch, legs shaking with such great effort she couldn’t even get them to support her weight as she tried. She tried to breathe in time with Mina, but all she could think about was the pain in her side and how much worse Mina’s must be. “I can’t-- I can’t sit here. I have to-- do something. I have to-- I need to be doing something. I can’t sit here and watch you in so much pain and not do anything.” She was losing it, losing the grip on her focus as the adrenaline began to drain away. It would leave nothing behind. She had no more reserves to pull from. “Please don’t hate me,” she choked out, “please don’t hate me. I-- I ruined it. I ruined your happiness and I’m sorry. I just wanted you-- want you-- so much and it hurts and all I do is cause you pain. I’m sorry.” The words were jumbled, slurred. Her exhaustion felt more like a drunken stupor than any of the ones she’d been in lately. She was still too afraid to touch Mina, to get too close to her, so she wrapped her arms around her own stomach and repeated the words. She just needed to rest a moment. Just a moment. Then she’d be okay. Then she could go back to taking care of things. The rain outside felt like nothing compared to the rain on her face. 

“Yes, well, he somehow didn’t.” Despite literally having the perfect opportunity. Mina couldn’t think of a more foolish thing to do. When she killed him, she was going to make sure that Frank was dead. What kind of hunter didn’t know to make sure their quarry was properly killed before claiming victory? She hoped he raged when he found out her body was gone. She hoped he felt panic. She hoped he felt fear. Because she was going to destroy him. She still had a hand to take, after all. But none of that mattered, at the moment. None of it mattered. Not right now. “And it might not have mattered at all. It might be that nothing would change. If you’d gone home sooner, things might have even been worse.” She pulled Bex’s hand to her lips and kissed it softly, though she followed Bex’s eyes to the knife. It was impressive that her blood had managed to cling to it, despite the rain, despite the lake. “It wasn’t you. It wasn’t.”

Mina kept her focus on her own breathing, hoping that, if she did, Bex might possibly follow along with her. “If you try to get up right now, you’re going to be of no use to either of us. I’m not going to keel over if you take a few minutes to breathe, okay? I’m not.” Not unless Frank jumped in through the window and decided to finish the job. But he wouldn’t. He was probably gloating over his victory. Mina leaned forward and put her forehead against Bex’s. “I don’t hate you. I don’t. I could never hate you. I love you. I don’t hate you. I promise I don’t hate you.” She couldn’t hate Bex if she tried. She would never try. She didn’t want to. “You don’t only cause me pain. You don’t. You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing. I don’t hate you.” She didn’t know what else to do, what else to say. She couldn’t fix this. She could only hope that Bex would take some time to breathe before she started moving about the cabin again. Honestly, Mina hoped that Bex would just fall asleep. She needed to sleep. Mina could tend to herself as much as possible and then try to rest a bit herself. It probably wouldn’t be wise to go to sleep again. She needed to make sure she made it through the night.

Somehow didn’t make the millions of possibilities floating around Bex’s head quiet any, but the conviction in Mina’s voice made her quiet a moment. Somehow she’d made it in time. Somehow it had rained and helped Mina’s wounds from getting worse. Somehow Bex had found the strength within her to get Mina to water and to safety and to here, on this couch. They were all somehows and there was nothing definitive about it, but here they were. Both barely alive, bleeding on a couch in the middle of the forest, tired and exhausted and pushed beyond their limits. But they were alive. She was alive. Mina was alive. Whatever scenarios Bex wanted to concoct in her head, this was the situation they were currently in, and no amount of speculating or wishing was going to change anything. Frank had tried to kill Mina, but Bex had gotten there in time, and now all they had to do was make sure it stayed that way. She would make sure it stayed this way. Mina’s lips were warm on her knuckles and Bex realized again how cold the house was. Without insulation or a heater, the rain had chilled the entire place to match the temperature outside. Aside from the fire, slowly fading. Bex shivered. ”I won’t let him hurt you again,” she croaked. “I won’t. I’ll kill him if I have to. I won’t let him hurt anyone else.” And she’d do it-- she would. She’d almost killed that Warden for just breaking Mina’s arm. She’d rip apart Frank’s brain memory by memory if he even got near Mina again.

Bex was trying to breathe. Really, she was. It was harder than it looked. But Mina was so close to her now and how could she not be calmed by the other girl’s presence? Even when she could clearly see the pain and worry in her eyes. Her forehead was warm. Maybe too warm. Could Nymphs get fevers? Bex didn’t know. The thought strangled her insides, but her exhausted mind tucked them away for later. She couldn’t freak out about another thing right now. “D-don’t promise me that,” she stuttered out between sobs, “don’t. You should. You should hate me.” She reached out tentatively, placed her palm on Mina’s chest, fingers pressing lightly into her skin. “I broke your heart. I knew what would happen and I still did it. I just wanted to save you. I thought I could spare you the pain. I didn’t know,” she said, drowning in her grief, “I didn’t know I loved you, too. I didn’t understand.” She was so close. She was right there. She shouldn’t do it. Mina was in pain. Mina had nearly died. She was with Eddie. She shouldn’t do it. But Bex couldn’t stop herself. She closed the distance-- the oh so short distance-- and kissed Mina. And she’d craved her so bad. And she remembered how it had felt in her dream and this was better. So much better. This was real. And so she kissed her and she cried and she didn’t know what to do anymore.

“He’s not going to hurt me like this again,” Mina said, her voice quiet and cold. “And he’s never going to hurt you again, either.” He was dead the moment that he told Mina what he’d done, what he planned to do. He died right then. His heart was just still bleeding. The second that she was able, though, she was killing him. And she’d draw it out, and she’d make it slow, and she’d make him suffer, but she wouldn’t leave knowing there was still air being forced into his lungs and a heart pumping blood through his body. Frank had made many mistakes. Mina was smart enough to learn from the mistakes of others, sometimes, when she set her mind to it. She pulled the blanket closer around Bex’s shoulders, fighting off her own chill. Her skin was hot, her mouth was slightly parched, but she felt the cool air working its way through her body. “You’re not going to have to kill him. You’re not.” She wouldn’t. That was all on Mina. She wondered if it was the fever that was making her just focus on this or if it was the rage that she still couldn’t get over. He wanted to kill Bex. He was going to die.

“I can promise it because I want to, because it’s true, because it’s never not going to be true. I don’t hate you. I don’t. I could never hate you.” She wondered if Bex could feel her heart fluttering under her touch. She wondered if Bex knew it was hers. She had to. She had to. Mina had all but told her. “I’d let you break it again. More than once. A thousand times, I don’t care. I wish you’d let me help you, but I understand why you didn’t, why you don’t. I know how hard it is to rely on other people. It’s okay. It’s okay.” There was a moment when Bex was right there, and Mina could see her move, and her heart might have stopped, just for a moment, but then Bex was kissing her, and, oh, that. She missed that. She missed that so much. Yes, she was a bit in pain, and yes, this probably wasn’t smart, but Mina deepened the kiss a bit more, and maybe it was a little selfish, but she didn’t care, in the moment. This wasn’t self preservation. This was selfishness. She was selfish. She wanted this. She’d been wanting this for so long.

There were things that needed doing. The fire was dwindling, the pots outside needed to be pulled in and dumped somewhere to store the water and refilled, the bed needed to be checked. Mina needed tending still, her wounds were so raw. Bex needed to check the basin and see if there was enough water for Mina to soak in. She needed to look for some sort of food. She needed to drink water. They needed to rest, to sleep. They needed to talk about so much more. But, instead, she just kissed her. She just kissed Mina because fuck she’d been wanting to kiss her for so long now. For weeks now. Her hands went up to hold Mina’s face so she could kiss her better, kiss her more. There was a pain in her side as she twisted to get closer, but she didn’t care. She just wanted this. She just wanted to kiss Mina. Even when she had to break away to breathe, all she wanted was to kiss her more. She needed to say something. She just kissed her again instead. What else was there to do? They’d started and now she didn’t want to stop. She shouldn’t have kissed her at all. She didn’t want to stop.

There was so much that needed to be done, but maybe it could wait until tomorrow. Once the rain stopped, it would be easier to portion out the water that would have gathered in the basin. She could dump whatever was left in the boat into the tub, potful by potful, first. Portion out the rest for drinking. Maybe there was a fishing pole down at the shack. Bex didn’t know how to fish. They could re-assess the wounds tomorrow, once Mina had made it through the night and was more stable. There was so much to be done, but it could wait until tomorrow. So Bex just kissed Mina instead, and moved further onto the couch and tried her best not to hurt her or herself but she just wanted to kiss her because it had been so long and she needed it. She needed her. She loved her.

The only thing that Mina was worried about, aside from kissing Bex, was making sure that she didn’t bleed everywhere. Really, nothing else mattered. Not the pain from all the wounds, not the old bruises that still hadn’t healed, not the fact that there was still so much to say. There was still so much to say. Mina wanted to tell Bex what she was. She wanted to explain herself. She wanted to try. Just… not right now. Later. They could do it later. She was happy with them doing it later. Literally nothing mattered more than this. Nothing mattered more than pulling Bex as close as she could without injuring her or herself, hands running up and down Bex’s arms, feeling the softness and the heat of her skin. This wasn’t comfortable, by any means. Both of her legs were injured. Her shoulder hurt. Her side was a mess. She was a mess. Bex was a mess. They were both messes, truly. They always had been, when they were together. She’d never minded. She didn’t mind any of it. If anything, she just wanted it more. She’d missed this so much, and it wasn’t like the hole in her chest was healed, not completely, but this made it stop aching as much. That was really all that she could ask for; it was more than she could ask for.

Bex needed to have some semblance of self control. There were so many reasons she needed to have control but she couldn’t remember any of them, because her entire mind was taken up by concentrating on just kissing Mina. And the taste of Mina’s lips and her tongue and the feel of her skin under Bex’s fingertips. The feel of Mina’s hands on her own as she moved them from her arms to her sides, her bare stomach. And if she didn’t stop soon, she was going to lose herself and she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t do that. Bex broke away to breath, panting. Her head was pounding, her side was jolting with pain. Her lips felt raw, they were tingling. She leaned in to kiss her again, but managed just enough of herself to restrain, lips just barely grazing Mina’s. “We have to…” she breathed, “we can’t…” They had to what? They couldn’t what? She couldn’t remember. She wasn’t thinking clearly. She kissed her again. Slow, soft. She didn’t want to move. She needed to move. “If we’re not doing...the stitches tonight…” she mumbled against her lips, “we at least need...to get you in some water…” She wondered if Mina would change again. She didn’t wanna think about it. “At least let me do that for you tonight.” It felt like a small plea. She knew she needed to take care of herself as well, but Mina came first. She was dying under her fingertips and Bex needed to do everything she could to make sure that didn’t happen. Neither of them were going to get much sleep tonight, but maybe they could rest. Just a little. They could rest.

“You’re right. You’re right. We have to… We have to…” Mina trailed off, too distracted to remember what they had to do. Because Bex’s lips were on hers, and she could feel Bex’s skin beneath her fingertips, and this was real. This was real. It was painful and wonderful and real. She splayed her fingers over Bex’s heart, feeling it beat. This wasn’t hers. She wasn’t going to get to keep this. It was real, but it wasn’t for her. She wanted it to be. Mina wanted a lot of things. She’d learned to do that, want things, and she’d learned just how useless that was. She wanted to keep kissing Bex. She… wanted to not be hurting. Desperately. She’d really enjoy that. But it wasn’t that important. “If you get me water, you should let me look at your side. Since you can’t heal like me.” It was the least she could do. She wanted to do more. She wished she could, but Mina was all but useless at the moment, and her brain wasn’t working like it was supposed to, and she knew that was only partly from kissing Bex. “I can do that. And you need that more than I do.”

Bex felt her body shudder as Mina’s fingers grazed across her chest, her heart. She wished she could rip it out and give it to Mina. She wanted to give it to Mina. Maybe she already had it, maybe that was why Bex felt cold and empty when she was away from her. Mina had her heart and when she wasn’t around her, she was nothing. She was heartless. It wasn’t fair to Eddie. She needed to tell him. But she needed him, too. She needed him to pretend like her life was normal. She needed him as her shield. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. Swallowing, she nodded stiffly. She wanted to keep kissing Mina. “I’ll…” her breath was still thick in her throat. “I’ll fill the tub and you can...look at it in there.” There should’ve been enough water in the basin by now. The rain outside was torrential. She could hear it. And if it wasn’t enough, she would carry in the water in the boat, pot by pot, until the tub was full enough. “Just--” she pulled away, pushing off the couch slowly, “stay here. I’ll be--” her heart hammered. Despite the pain in her side and the tremor in her knees, she leaned down and kissed Mina again, softer this time, slower, a silent promise that she’d be right back. She wasn’t leaving. Not yet. 

She stumbled backwards for a few steps before turning to head to the bathroom, supporting herself with walls and doorways as she did. She needed to clear her head, otherwise she was going to turn right back around and go back to that couch and to Mina and to kissing her. She needed to do this first. She sank to her knees near the tub and reached out for the faucet, struggling to even turn the knob with exhaustion pulling at all her muscles. Finally, it broke, and water poured from the spout into the tub. She let out a long sigh of relief as she rest her head on the edge of the tub for a moment, watching the water slowly fill it up. They had water and everything was going to be okay. Greedily, she stuck her hands under the faucet and filled them up with enough water to drink. It soothed the ache in her throat and she wanted more. The pot in the fireplace should’ve been done by now. Standing back up, the tub about half full now, she made her way back out to Mina on the couch. “There’s enough,” she said, coming back over to her and sinking onto the couch, her body deflating. “Just...give me a minute. And I can help you...into the bathroom…” 

“I can stay here,” Mina said. “I can do that.” It wasn’t like she could do much else, anyway. Her eyes were still heavily lidded by the time Bex went towards the bathroom. She could have just stayed like that, in a state of waiting and watching and hoping, but she needed to do something to make this easier. She’d need to be able to walk a little bit, to not make Bex have to drag her all the way to the bathroom, but she couldn’t do that when her feet were barely even feet. She moved on the couch, covering her legs with the blanket again, and she started trying to shift the bones in her legs back. It hurt. It hurt so bad. But before Bex got back, they were feet instead of fins, and that was really all that she could ask for. Walking was still going to be a struggle, seeing as how one leg was mangled and the other had been shot, but, at least she’d be able to semi walk to the tub. She curled forward a bit from the pain, some of her wounds starting to sluggishly bleed again. She was running out of blood, though. It was fine.

She felt Bex sit on the couch before she saw her, opening her eyes and glancing at the younger girl, who looked almost as bad as she felt. “Take your time,” Mina murmured, clearing her throat when her voice came out pained. She hadn’t realized how much that would hurt. She didn’t think it was possible to be in more pain, but her body was truly surprising her. “I need a moment, too, before I can try to get up. Even with help.” She put a hand over her side, trying not to flinch at the stickiness that she could feel now that the bandages were gone. It was fine. It was going to be fine. “I think I would be fine with a puddle at this point, if I’m being honest.” And she was. Being honest. She really had no choice but to be.

Bex sat up immediately at the sound of Mina’s pained voice. She looked over and saw old wounds reopening, thick, blackish blood draining from them. “Fuck…” she muttered. They’d gotten distracted, they’d been stupid. Mina was dying this was no time for Bex to have kissed her. How could she have been so stupid? She pushed herself up from the couch, ignoring her exhaustion and the burning pain in her legs as she did so. “This is bad…” They didn’t have nearly enough supplies to take care of both of them. Mina was getting worse. Every moment she wasn’t in the water, she was getting worse. Bex should’ve just stayed in the lake with her. But how was she supposed to know? No one told her. Mina hadn’t told her. She shook the thought away and grabbed the towel, pressing it to Mina’s side in hopes of quelling some of the bleeding while they waited. They couldn’t wait much longer, though. She drew in a breath and tried to find something inside of herself, something had to be left, right? She couldn’t have used it all. Maybe some of it was back by now. “It’s fine,” she said suddenly, “I can-- I’ll carry you.” She’d carried her here, what was a few more feet to the bathroom?

Bex wasn’t particularly strong, but she didn’t need to be. That was one thing Nell had taught her that had stuck the fastest. Even though her specialty was mental magic, there were plenty of practical spells she’d been taught that were easy enough. She hadn’t purposefully practiced magic in so long, and while she knew she’d used some intentionally in order to get Mina here, it wasn’t exactly the same. Control seemed nearly impossible, but she had to try. She had to get Mina into that tub where she was sure, if she did accidentally fall asleep or pass out, Mina wouldn’t die. The water wouldn’t let her. She reached out to touch her arm, wrapping her fingers around her wrist delicately. “You’re getting worse, we have to get you in the water,” she urged. “Just let me do this. I can-- if i get you there, I can rest, too. Okay?”

“It’s not as bad as it was,” Mina said, trying to sound reassuring, but she knew it probably wasn’t working. It was bad. It was really bad. It was bad enough that Mina would be forced to acknowledge it. She’d thought that the wolf, the cliff, the ocean was bad. But none of that had been iron. None of that had burned quite like this. Some things didn’t heal right. There was a reason Mina was covered in scars. She knew pain. She knew iron. But not like this. Still, she gritted her teeth and struggled to put her feet in front of her on the floor. “No. No, I can’t ask you to carry me. You’re exhausted. That’s not fair.” Not when she thought Bex herself was in absolutely no shape to be trying to lift anything, much less Mina. She attempted to stand. 

It was a useless endeavor. Mina gritted her teeth as she managed to stand on shaky legs for half a second before she ended up collapsing back to the couch. She hated this. She hated it. She hated being useless. She hated being aware of the fact. It was different, when she wasn’t conscious, when she had no awareness of what was happening. She needed help, then. She knew she needed help. But she wasn’t struggling to stay awake. She was just struggling. She looked at Bex’s fingers around her wrist and then to Bex’s face. Finally, she hung her head. “Okay. Okay. Please help me. But if you start to hurt yourself, stop. Seriously, just put me down if it’s too much. I can probably walk with some support.”

“Hey, stop-- stop it!” Bex tried, but Mina was Mina, and that meant she would try on her own anyway. Bex let her and watched her fall directly back to the couch. They really were two peas in a pod, weren’t they? “I might be exhausted, but I’m not dying. Or bleeding out or covered in--” she swallowed. She absolutely hated seeing Mina like this, it made her blood boil, knowing the boy who’d done it wasn’t far off. Knowing that he probably thought he had been in the right to do this. She tried to not let her anger flare too much. If she was going to use whatever trickle of magic was left in her, she couldn’t waste it on being angry. She couldn’t afford to waste anything right now, and that included brain power arguing with mina. Finally, the other girl relented. Bex nodded and moved herself into position, scooping an arm under her legs and the other around her back. “Just-- hold on. This might...feel weird.” She knew when she used magic it felt weird, but not if having magic used on you was weird.

She tried to picture the rocks she’d dropped off ledges with Nell, how heavy they’d felt in her hands, and how light they’d been a moment later. She poured that intention into lifting Mina, struggling only for a moment before she found her footing. Her arms shook, her legs shook, but she could make it. She could make it. She wanted to hurry but was too afraid to jostle Mina, and too afraid if she went faster than one step at a time, she herself would collapse. She tried not to think about either of those, as she made her way over slowly, arms gripping Mina tightly, like they had in the lake. Like they had when Mina had changed. She made it to the edge of the tub and set Mina down as gently as possible before her legs gave out. The tub faucet had water barely trickling out of it, but it was full enough to submerge her. Bex smiled, tired. “See? I told you I could make it.’

“I’m not dyi—“ Mina choked on the word before she bit her tongue, trying not to scream in frustration. She wasn’t dying. She wasn’t. She wasn’t. But maybe there was a part of her that was still worried about that, worried enough to believe it. She was worried what would happen if she fell asleep, if she lost consciousness for more than a few minutes. She’s never been stabbed like that before, and especially not with cold iron. Mina allowed Bex to maneuver her until she was in the younger girl’s arms, the wound in her shoulder twinging as she wrapped her arms around Bex. Something washed over her, something warm and comforting that made her feel fuzzy around the edges. She sunk into the feeling, burrowing her face is Bex’s neck. “Not weird. It feels nice.” It felt so nice. She almost didn’t think she needed the water as the feeling wrapped around her, soft and caressing and distinctly Bex. It ended when Bex put her down, though. 

The relief was instantaneous as the water touched Mina’s skin. She was still in pain, but it was no longer excruciating. She no longer felt like the knife was still inside of her, something she hadn’t even been aware of until the water touched her wounds. She sighed, eyes closing minutely before she opened them again to look at Bex, a smile of her own crooking it’s way onto her mouth. “I didn’t doubt you could. I just… I just didn’t want you to strain yourself.” Scales were breaking out across her skin again, but there was little Mina could do to stop them. She rested her head on the side of the tub instead. “Are you alright?” She asked, concerned at the way that Bex had collapsed. It wasn’t good for her to use that much magic. It wasn’t good for her to stress her body and her mind when she was already injured as well. 

Not weird. Nice. Bex clung to the words a little. She hadn’t known what it might feel like for Mina, she was worried it might hurt her as much as it had hurt other people. As much as it hurt herself sometimes. She laid her head on the side of the tub as she watched Mina sink in, the relief palpable on her face. She almost wished there was something as soothing for her to lay in, besides, perhaps, Mina’s arms. 

So this was what Mina had meant by fast healing. Bex could almost see the water holding her wounds together, it was strange. The bleeding stopped, the only red from the dried splotches on her side. Bex’s eyes stayed transfixed on whatever piece of Mina she could find that wasn’t covered in red. It was all washing away, hiding beneath silvery scales. She wanted to reach out and touch them again, remembering the feel of them against her arms in the lake. Mina's voice startled her and she looked up, lifting her head. She blinked, let a tired smile fall on her lips. She was too tired to feel upset anymore, even if she still felt like she wanted to yell at Mina. She just wished she’d told her earlier. She wished she’d trusted her enough. She wished for a lot of things, but wishing didn’t change anything. So she just scooted closer, and laid her head against the side of the tub as well, on the outside, looking at Mina. She reached a hand up and brushed it through Mina’s hair gently. “I’ll be okay now,” she murmured, already feeling the fringes of exhaustion pulling at her eyes. Her entire body was deflating now, now that she knew Mina was safe, that Mina wasn’t going to bleed out or keel over. Her job for tonight was done. She could rest, if just for a bit. She knew she needed to assess herself-- there was a dull ache in one of her wrists now, and she distinctly remembered landing on it when they’d fallen, and her head was killing her, there was surely a bruise; and her side, god, her side hurt so much-- but maybe that could just wait until morning. Maybe it all could. She closed her eyes. “I miss you so much.”

It was draining, to feel her body knit together, even if it was slow. Mina knew it was a good thing; she was healing, she was going to probably be fine. It hurt, though. Faster healing didn’t take away the hurt. She was used to pain. Maybe not to this caliber, but she was well acquainted to the feeling of iron slicing through skin. This was just a bit more intense. She was more worried about things becoming numb, blurry. That would make things bad. That’s when they’d need to panic. But for right now, there was just the pain. Mina closed her eyes for a moment as she leaned into Bex’s hand. “Are you sure? It’ll only take a moment. We shouldn’t leave it like that.” She needed to make sure Bex was alright. She needed to make sure Bex was taken care of. At least, she had to do as much as she could like this. She had to. She felt useless. There was nothing Mina hated more than feeling useless, like she couldn’t do anything at all, like she needed help. She didn’t need help. She didn’t. She… did. Desperately. She needed Bex’s help. But that didn’t mean that she wanted this to be one-sided. She couldn’t let this be one-sided. Mina’s eyes stayed closed, though, and she said. “I miss you, too. All the time. Just… Really, all the time.”

Even if Bex wanted to, she wasn’t sure she had the energy to lift herself from this spot anymore. She wasn’t even sure she could go get a blanket, she should’ve brought a blanket with her. Or one of the couch cushions, or something. Anything. Oh, she’d brought the towel in. That would do. She reached over limply and grabbed it, pulling it up over her shoulders as she felt a chill settling in. Once Mina was okay, they could worry about her. She just hoped she could stave off an infection long enough. Her wounds didn’t close like Mina’s could. She swallowed and her mouth felt dry again. She just wanted to sleep. She looked at Mina, her head resting against the side of the tub, so close to her own-- but it was on the other side. Mina was always on the other side from her, wasn’t she? They were just two souls reaching across a line that neither of them understood. If she hadn’t been so dehydrated, she was sure she would’ve teared up at the thought. At her words. She blinked and turned her head down so she didn’t have to look at how painful and sad Mina was. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, so quiet in her throat she’d wondered if she’d even said it at all. Her eyes drifted closed again, and this time, they stayed that way. She didn’t have the energy to fight off sleep anymore.

[screamqvccn]

TASK 1 // WHO ARE YOU REALLY?

@murderclubhq

NAME.

FULL NAME: Edwina Agnes Clussy NAME/NICKNAMES: Eds (everyone), Eddie (Holly and Kaz), Edsy (her mom), Wee (her dad) GENERALLY REFERRED TO AS: Edwina or Eddie

APPEARANCE.

FACECLAIM: Kristine Froseth SEX: Female HEIGHT: 5′0″ WEIGHT: Basically a sack of flour; easy to pick up and throw over your shoulder BUILD: Scrawny HAIR: Mousy brown and straight, but she usually curls it. Sometimes she’s got a ribbon tying some of her hair back HANDS: Small and kind of cushiony (think of Pooh Bear’s hands). Her skin on her hands is usually dry because she uses a lot of hand sanitizer CLOTHES: Plaid skirts and dresses, comfy sweaters, knee high socks or socks with frills around them, overalls, mary janes, fannypacks, cross necklace

SPEECH.

ACCENT: North Carolinian twang VERBAL TICKS: Tends to stutter when nervous LANGUAGE: English ARTICULATION: She's educated and has the ideas in her head, but she’s just really bad at getting them out in an articulate manner EDUCATION: Edwina will occasionally substitute a really simple word for something longer. Besides that, she speaks like a typical teenager LAUGHTER: She snorts a lot and tends to try to bite back her laughter because she thinks her laugh is ugly BREATHING: Can usually sound like she’s out of breath especially from all the screaming and yelling she constantly does

MANNERISMS.

FACE: Edwina wears her heart on her sleeve and in her expressions. She’s very expressive and has a hard time fighting back microexpressions HANDS: Because she’s got a lot of anxiety and energy she tends to talk with her hands LEGS/FEET: Her legs are always kept very tightly together (she learned to do this from her parents not wanting her to flash people) EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS: Literally cries all the time. Tends to get emotional easily and will yell and scream if upset HABITS: Hums when she’s thinking and will look around a lot if she’s nervous POSTURE: Stands up straight because she’ll look shorter if she doesn’t PERSONAL SPACE: Tends to like her personal space at first, but once she trusts people (which really isn’t hard to gain from her) then she’s okay with touching. She loves hugs, but if people are overtly touchy with her she may act like she’s annoyed, but will do nothing to fight it back

HEALTH:

DIET: Her mom takes good food really seriously so Edwina tends to eat well for breakfast and dinner. She gets all her food groups in, but tends to snack. Her guilty pleasure is Lunchables. SLEEP: Edwina loves sleep and if you wake her up she will probably kill you EXERCISE: LOL no ACTIVITY: Edwina is lazy as FUCK she would let someone carry her if she didn’t have to walk at all CLEANLINESS: Very cleanly. Grooms herself well and tends to clean everything else around her due to her thing with germs ODOR: Smells like strawberries due to her shampoo and the body spray she uses MEDICINAL DRUGS: She has an inhaler NARCOTICS: No ADDICTIONS: Addicted to One Direction ILLNESS: Asthma and lil bitch syndrome

PERSONAL.

INTROVERT/EXTROVERT?: She keeps to herself, but she gains her energy from being with people OPTIMIST/PESSIMIST: In between. She tends to think everything is the end of the world, but because of that she tries to look for the light in everything GENDER: Cisfemale SEXUALITY: Homosexual, but she’s in the closet. At this point Edwina doesn’t even fully realize she’s gay she just thinks there’s something wrong with her for not liking guys ROMANTIC: Soft romantic bitch. She wants love so bad like she just wants to get married and have like 5 babies MEMORY: Her memory is strong which is helpful with school, but not with her grudges PLANNING: Edwina prefers to plan things out because she knows that’s the safest thing to do, but is constantly getting swept away by people or acting on emotion so planning for things typically go out the window INTUITION: Edwina does everything with good intent, but most of the time it just blows up in her face PROBLEM SOLVING: She’s pretty good at figuring things out whether with context clues or doing research GOALS: Her goal that she tells people is to go to a school like Stanford for engineering, but she really doesn’t think she’s good enough to get into any big name universities. She wants to do something with cars, but her real goal is to get married and become a mom. INSECURITIES: Edwina is insecure about her everything lol. She especially hates her body because of how short and flat chested she is. Her gums and smile are also a really big thing to her and she’s also just ver insecure about her personality because people tell her she’s weird all the time ACHIEVEMENTS: Wins second place in the science fair every year and is in the top 50 of her class ANXIETY: Bitch is always anxious SELF-HELP: Edwina tends to cope by crying all the bad feelings out or screaming about her inner thoughts until she’s tuckered out COMFORTS: If she’s really upset she’ll want someone to just hug her while she cries, but if she can’t do that then she’ll sit in her bed under all the blankets and curl up with her stuffed rabbit BAD HABITS: Not standing up for herself, getting emotional over small things, trusting people too easy, overly washing and sanitizing her hands, screaming and being loud in inappropriate places, and crying easily PHILOSOPHY: Basically lives by the teachings and rules of the Catholic church, but she’s leans very much towards the New Testament and the idea that God is forgiving and therefore so should man TRIGGERS: Germs, blood, death, vomit, Satan, anything gay

THE PAST.

PARENTS/GUARDIANS: She’s very close with her parents, but mostly her mom. Her mom didn’t let her out of her arms for so long that Edwina learned how to walk pretty late. Her parents always made her feel loved, but her dad was a little more strict with her. Even so, he still was always affectionate with her. Her parents wanted a bunch of kids, but it took them almost 3 years of trying to have Edwina so they tend to helicopter her and treat her like a princess. Edwina loves both her parents and would put them first always LIFE EVENTS: Edwina met Raquel in kindergarten and that was the first friend she made. After that they became inseparable and didn’t really have people to hang out with besides each other. This was mostly due to people thinking Edwina was sorta weird growing up or Raquel would scare off guys that she thought were trying to ask her out or get with her. Eventually this made people think they were dating which wouldn’t be a problem to Edwina until people started calling her gay slurs. It got worse when she looked at Heidi Dods in the locker room for a little too long and the whole school labeled her as a predatory lesbian. It got so bad that Mr. Kobbs told her she wasn’t allowed to change in the locker rooms anymore for other girls’ comfortability. WORST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: When Raquel’s mom died because that was really her first experience with death and that was the start of her having to watch her best friend’s life start crumbling BEST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: When Jamie let her drive Johnnie’s ‘64 Mustang LOOKING BACK: Edwina has always believed that things happen for a reason, but if she could go back and do anything different it’d be not letting Tommy go so he wouldn’t die

RELATIONSHIPS.

FAMILY: Mom; Susan Clussy. Dad; Edward Clussy. She has uncles on her dad’s side and some cousins, but she isn’t that close with them. She also considers Raquel family since she’s always at her house anyway and Mr. Torrance is awful FRIENDSHIPS: Up until this year Edwina’s only close friend has been Raquel. She has some church friends (i.e. Norman Normal), but no one she really hangs out with. Now she considers everyone in MC a pal, except perhaps Dolly (but that’s more so because Edwina doubts she’d want to affiliate herself as Edwina’s friend). FRIENDS IN NEED: Edwina will usually drop everything to help a friend out even if she has to put them first before her own emotional needs. She’s always there with reassuring being her greatest weapon to fight off tears, but Edwina will make other meaningful gestures if she thinks it will help NEEDING A FRIEND: Edwina tends to bottle a lot in and then will end up exploding all her frustrations or tears onto one unlucky person. She likes to only really talk to people she can trust not to make her feel worse, but sometimes strangers get caught in the moment she finally snaps ANNOYANCES: She yells a lot and tends to be snarky and sarcastic when she’s annoyed with someone ROMANCE: When looking for something romantic, Edwina tends to gravitate towards people that make her laugh and like being affectionate. If you wanna woo her then literally just be a pretty girl, make her giggle, and compliment her (she’s not that hard to impress) ADVERSARIES: Edwina would honestly befriend anyone and give anybody a second chance at redemption, but if someone was just cruel and showed 0 signs of having any sort of remorse or good in them then she'd stay away completely ENEMIES: She has a hard time with people who just go after her with little reason other than she’s weird STRANGERS: She tries to be polite to everyone because that’s how her parents raised her. However, Edwina can be a bit judgmental when she doesn’t keep that side of her in check FUN STUFF: Fun stuff she likes to do with friends are going to Marie’s, driving around town, going to the movies or staying in and watching cheesy films, napping together, private karaoke or dance parties, or even just sitting in silence while her and the other person/people just do their own thing or sit on their phones showing each other funny memes they find DATING: Everything above, but with kissing LOVE: Her fanny pack WORST ENEMY: Heidi Dods, Shoprite Cruz, and Mr. Kobbs

INTERACTIONS.

MINGLING: She’s nice but awkward as fuck so making friends is hard COMFORT LEVELS: Edwina gets nervous and anxious easily so talking to people can take a lot outta her, but if she’s comfortable around you then she’s more lax PHYSICAL: She’s very affectionate (but if you’re dirty she’ll be more reluctant to won’t touch you, sorry Kaz) GROUPS: Prefers smaller groups OPENNESS: It depends? She’s pretty open about most things, but she still keeps a lot buried down in her lil fanny pack and won’t talk about openly or easily GENEROSITY: Bitch would give the shirt off her back if anyone needed it JEALOUSY: Can get very jealous very easily, but tends to not understand her own jealousy. She’d go home and cry whenever Raquel would be hooking up with some new person, but just think it was her period making her emotional or something lol TEMPER: The human embodiment of an angry pomeranian EMPATHY: Thinks about other people’s feelings first and is a very strong empath AFFECTION: Cuddling, hugging, touching, forehead or cheek kissing, kind words, and meaningful gestures DISTASTE: She doesn’t usually show it to their face, but if she’s talking about them to someone else she’ll just call them an asshole and stuff lol ETIQUETTE: Tries to be polite in public, but tends to cause scenes if she’s upset or emotional RESPONSIBILITY: If she’s wrong then she’ll always apologize SELF ESTEEM: Edwina has really low self esteem because of kids at school picking on her. Her parents always tried to make her feel good about herself, but it didn’t do much because she always felt as though they were obligated to say nice things to her. She let’s people push her around for the most part, but if she does stand up for herself it’s in a very quiet way CONFIDENCE: She doesn’t really care what most people think of her, but she just wishes that they’d keep it to themselves instead of beating her down for it. She cares about what her family thinks though HONESTY: Edwina has always been taught to be honest, but recently she’s been lying a lot LEADER OR FOLLOWER: Follower PRAISE: Loves compliments, but is super bad at accepting them CRITICISM: Really bad at reacting to criticism, but takes it. Will likely cry, but take it to heart INSULTS: Doesn’t take insults well and will 100% cry EMBARRASSMENT: If she’s embarrassed she’ll usually turn red and start stumbling. Again, will likely cry FLIRTING: She isn’t flirty because she doesn’t think anyone would ever reciprocate. If someone does flirt with her it goes over her head ATTENTION SPAN: Gets distracted by shiny objects and fuzzy animals. Very easy to divert her attention SITUATIONS: Really bad at handling stressful situations. She will start screaming or crying or even hyperventilating in which case she’ll crack her inhaler out

LIFE.

TECH: Very tech savvy. Great with computers and figuring out how to make things work POLITICS: Her dad is a very vocal republican, but Edwina’s mother is a lot more loving and liberal so Edwina takes after her mom’s views COMBAT SKILLS: She’s scrawny, but scrappy. She’d definitely lose a fight if she got in one, but she’d go for the jugular HOME: Keeps her room immaculately clean. She’s one of those kids who makes her bed everyday and organizes all her clothes. Her mother is always cleaning the house so the whole place is usually spotless COOKING: Learned how to cook from her mom. She’s no Top Chef, but her food is good BUILDING: Likes to put things together so on any project she’d want to take the lead. It’s like a big puzzle to her CLEANING: Mom does most cleaning, but Edwina helps out sometimes just because she loves her mom. Her parents don’t really give her chores SHOPPING: Likes shopping DRIVING: Loves to drive. Grew up around cars because her dad owns the local dealership. Edwina could likely figure out how to drive any car FINANCES: Family comes from a decent amount of money PETS: No pets, but she’d love a bunny or cat. Pet hair makes her allergies act up and her dad doesn’t like animals so there’s a no pet rule in the house TRAVELING: The only place she’s really gone outside of NC is Disney World. Other than that, most family vacations are in stand MEDICAL: Is constantly going to the doctor because her and her mom are kinda hypochondriacs. Edwina had some health complications when she was a baby because she was born premature so her mom just wants to make sure she doesn’t lose her kid. Edwina doesn’t mind the doctor though for they always give her a lollipop ILLNESS: Asthma WORRIES: Is literally worried about everything lmfao PEACE: Likes peace and quiet, but will occasionally listen to music and stuff if she’s working PARTYING: Doesn’t go to many parties because she doesn’t get invited HOBBIES: Working on her car, building stuff, watching bad movies, and reading

[headoverheelss]

The Song The Birds Sang | Chapter 3: Decisions

Tags: Mentions of Child Abuse, Neglect, Nightmares, Bullying, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Bullying, Eating Disorders, Everybody Lives Au, No Upside Down, Age Change, High School, Pining. Summary: Eddie comes to terms with his feelings. Notes: I really like where this story is going!

The turmoil that was rolling into Eddie's mind did nothing to help his mental state. The nightmares that usually plagued him seemed to increase after the first day.

It only ever increased when he was going through something. That something or someone had a name but Eddie ignored everything about that.

He tried to fill his free time with activities, none of which included doing any homework but currently he was passing all courses with a solid D so he didn't need to worry.

Time flew by quickly but each month was filled with certain memories he would never forget.

September was the month when Eddie got in trouble, a new personal record for how long he could hold out before he would get his first suspension.

It wasn't his total fault though.

It was lunchtime and Eddie wasn't paying attention. He should have been concerned about the way the jocks were quiet. Too quiet. Unknown to him, James had moved a table up to be one behind him. The jock had proceeded to ball up a piece of gum, turning around to throw it perfectly into Eddie's hair.

Eddie felt rage seep through him. His hair was special to him. It was who he was and now that he most likely had to cut it, well, it didn't fly with him.

Eddie knew he shouldn't have done it but he didn't regret pouring his half-drunk milk on the jock while his back was turned. He also didn't regret getting into a fist fight with the jock which led to a two-week suspension.

He did regret bothering Wayne in the middle of the day as the man had to wake up so he could pick him up from school.

Eddie got into the beaten-up pickup. Wayne looked at the boy, a bruise was forming on the kid's right cheek.

He knew his nephew was different and that kids could be especially cruel but he wished that Eddie wouldn't make it so hard on himself.

"You should see the other kid," Eddie picked up his fist which was cut up and bloody.

His uncle smiled, ruffling Eddie's hair that he would definitely have to fix later.

October was fun. Eddie always loved October. It was his favorite month. Halloween was the first time his band performed at a party, somewhere two towns over.

Danny already had his license and a car so they packed in there, making their way over.

He got $200 and a taste of stardom that day.

Let's just say Eddie was hooked.

His uncle smiled, ruffling Eddie's hair that he would have to fix later.

November was pretty okay. Hellfire started a new campaign that Eddie had painstakingly planned out for weeks. It was also Chrissy's birthday so with some money put aside from dealing. He was able to buy her this bracelet she had been wanting. It was at the right time too because birthdays were always hard on Chris. Her mom's bitchy comments were always the worst on her especially as she got older so seeing the smile on her face made it worth it.

Throughout the three months, Eddie could feel Steve watching him. It was weird but luckily there were no more weird glances or smiles.

That was okay.

Eddie tried convincing himself. It was good for him. It had to be good for him.

It helped that he heard Steve had been busy lately. It seems the freshman had a new girlfriend every other week that it was insane. The nickname "King Steve" had been going around. They had never seen anybody this popular or charming in Hawkins before.

Like I said, jock-in-training.

December was a welcomed month. It signified the end of another school semester and a much-needed break. Eddie actually liked December but not as much as October.

Uncle Wayne and him usually got take-out then gave each other a gift. His uncle had been hinting that Eddie might get a guitar he had been wanting so Eddie was excited but he would be grateful to get anything on that day.

The last day of school before the break was hectic. Eddie had skipped lunch to do his last deals before the break started. He liked having the extra cash but hated that he had to go all the way to the forest, freezing his ass off to do it.

He snuck back into the school, grabbing his theater stuff from the little nook he had hidden it in. Eddie hadn't been paying attention to what he was doing, he didn't see the kid walking his way.

He hit the solid body, letting out a rough "oof".

"Watch where you're going-" The voice faded out.

Eddie finally looked up and was met with brown ones. His heart beat faster, blood rushing to his face. He took in Steve's hair, the full lips, and the hair.

Oh fuck, he's cute.

"Hi," Steve croaked out. A hand flashed to cover his own mouth. A blush crept up from his neck.

Eddie was confused. First, he bumps into the boy, and now he's saying hi instead of beating him up.

"Hi?" Eddie didn't know what to say but he didn't like the awkwardness that filled the air.

Suddenly, the bell rang making them both jump. He picked up his things off the floor, giving one glance to the tall boy who looked like he wanted to say something.

After a minute, Eddie came to his senses and walked past Steve, bumping lightly into his shoulder.

He swallowed, feeling his heart go wild.

No denying it now I definitely like him

----

Winter break had been a saving grace. He had come to terms after that last day about the whole Harrington thing but it made him feel mad.

The nightmares were becoming more descriptive than ever, instead of his dad hitting him, it was Steve. Eddie had woken up more than once in a cold sweat.

As a rule, Eddie didn't smoke in the house. It was out of respect for Uncle Wayne as the man didn't like it but after particular nightmares like that, it was a quick remedy to calm him.

It had gotten so bad that Chrissy and his Uncle had started to notice. On Christmas, Uncle Wayne had changed things up on him. His Uncle gave him his present the first thing in the morning.

Wayne hoped that it would help bring the boy's spirit up and it did just a little.

The guitar was his most prize possession. Something that he would keep by his side until the day he dies. He hugged his Uncle hard that day, mumbling "Thank you" over and over again.

Chrissy had come over a couple times over the break. They had spent those days watching movies and talking like they used to. One day Chrissy had turned to him, puppy dog eyes on display.

"What do you want, Chris?" Eddie had known her for years already, it was easy to read when she wanted something.

"Eddie, can we pretty pretty please go to the basketball game tomorrow?" Her hands were clasped together.

Eddie raised an eyebrow, "Why do you want to go to that? And why me? What about Jason?"

Chrissy rolled her eyes, "Because I want to see the cheerleaders perform since I'm going to try out next year and Jason's on vacation."

Eddie huffed thinking it over then groaned throwing his head back.

"Ugh, fine, I guess."

Chrissy squealed, jumping up and down. He could never say no to her.

----

They were able to ride their bikes there as the snow was cleared off the sidewalks. It was January, school started in a week so the snow was starting to stop but it still was cold.

Chrissy was excited. He had heard about her dream to become a cheerleader since 6th grade. She was decked out in Hawkins gear from head to toe.

Eddie meanwhile wore his usual clothes along with a big black coat. Midwest winters were nothing to play about. Eddie hated being cold which was funny because for some reason Eddie was always naturally cold.

They walked into the gym. There were a minimal amount of people there which relieved Eddie. He didn't want to deal with so many people today.

Hawkins was a small town, high school athletics was king there. The small crowd was probably due to it being winter break. A lot of people were still on vacation.

They sat in the middle of the bleachers.

Chrissy wanted the best view of all the action.

The basketball team was average this year. Eddie spotted the three seniors, Jason, Eric, and a boy named Nathan. They were all leaving this year. Word around town was that the Coach was looking for more players that could take up those leadership positions. They wanted to make a run at state which proved to get harder each year.

Eddie leaned back so his arms were spread out along the bleachers. He looked over at the other team warming up, the Cougars. They were a team from three towns over. They all looked tall and good.

This was bound to be a blowout.

The whistle was blown for the start of the game. Just like Eddie predicted, the game started out rough. The Cougars had taken an early lead and ran with it.

He had enjoyed some things like watching Chrissy trying to memorize all the cheers and during halftime when she screamed loudly for the cheerleading routine.

He liked especially in the third quarter when James got his shot block. The coach on the sidelines yelled loudly, turning back to the bench for a substitute for James.

"FRESHMAN FORWARD #5 STEVE HARRINGTON IS IN FOR SENIOR CENTER #34 JAMES EVOY."

Eddie leaned forward, watching as Steve clapped James on the back taking his place on the court.

A lot of things were running through Eddie's mind. How did he not notice Steve was on Varsity?

Since when do they put Freshman on Varsity?

Eddie watched intensely as Steve played vigorously. Harrington was all over the court trying to do everything for the team.

Eddie was 5'9'' so Steve had to be like three inches taller than him but for some reason, he looked even taller on the basketball court.

There was one play when Steve brought the ball up, screaming directions to his teammates. Eddie watched as Steve crossed over the Cougars' leading scorer then made it all the way to the hoop for a layup.

"HARRINGTON FOR 2!"

Eddie felt the heat spread along his face. He groaned inwardly.

Oh god, he was good.

The final buzzer rang signaling the end of the game. The Cougars had won by 20 in a blowout win.

Eddie stood up from the bleachers, Chrissy was rambling about the game but he couldn't hear her. His focus was entirely on Steve.

Harrington looked like he was mad as he was walking to the locker room even though he had 10 points this game.

He's probably mad they lost.

Just as if Steve could read his mind, the boy looked up, locking eyes with Eddie. Steve's eyes widen as if he wasn't expecting Eddie to be here.

There was a girl creeping up behind Steve. Eddie watched as Steve jumped when the girl put her arms around him. Steve turned around with a big smile on his face. The blonde girl, Eddie recognized was Sherri Williams, a sophomore.

Eddie couldn't look when Steve pulled the girl into a kiss. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay Eddie? You look pale?"

Eddie sighed, he hated worrying Chrissy but these feelings about Steve had been holding him down for the past months. It was time to tell someone. Chrissy was like family to him. She was the closest thing he had to a little sister and he wasn't ready to tell his Uncle yet.

He walked down the bleachers, Chrissy following.

"No, but I'll explain later."

He felt eyes on him all the way to the exit.

[readingsanctuary]

I started the month in a really bad reading slump, so my main goal for the month was to get over that. Thankfully I successfully revived my love and enthusiasm for reading, and managed to have a really successful reading month. I’ve never read so many books in a month before in my entire life, and I’m feeling really good about it. I picked up what I felt like, and that meant I read a lot of graphic novels.

The House with Chicken Legs – by Sophie Anderson

All 12-year-old Marinka wants is a friend. A real friend. Not like her house with chicken legs. Sure, the house can play games like tag and hide-and-seek, but Marinka longs for a human companion. Someone she can talk to and share secrets with. 

But that’s tough when your grandmother is a Yaga, a guardian who guides the dead into the afterlife. It’s even harder when you live in a house that wanders all over the world . . . carrying you with it. Even worse, Marinka is being trained to be a Yaga. That means no school, no parties–and no playmates that stick around for more than a day. 

So when Marinka stumbles across the chance to make a real friend, she breaks all the rules . . . with devastating consequences. Her beloved grandmother mysteriously disappears, and it’s up to Marinka to find her–even if it means making a dangerous journey to the afterlife. 

With a mix of whimsy, humor, and adventure, this debut novel will wrap itself around your heart and never let go.

This was such a quick, enjoyable read, and an interesting twist on the Baba Yaga story. It’s such a whimsical story, I loved all the interesting details that were woven throughout the book. I was quickly absorbed by Marinka’s life, and invested in her story. There are some really interesting themes explored throughout, and Marinka’s reactions always felt really genuine. I loved watching her character develop and grow throughout the story as she came to terms with her situation, and explored her identity. I can see why this book was released to so much praise, I’m just so glad I picked it up.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Their Fractured Light – by Amie Kaufman & Megan Spooner

A year ago, Flynn Cormac and Jubilee Chase made the now-infamous Avon Broadcast, calling on the galaxy to witness LaRoux Industries’ corruption. A year before that, Tarver Merendsen and Lilac LaRoux were the only survivors of the Icarus shipwreck, forced to live a double life after their rescue.

Now, at the center of the galaxy on Corinth, all four are about to collide with two new players in the fight against LRI. Gideon Marchant is an underworld hacker known as the Knave of Hearts, ready to climb and abseil his way past the best security measures on the planet to expose LRI’s atrocities. Sofia Quinn, charming con artist, can work her way into any stronghold without missing a beat. When a foiled attempt to infiltrate LRI Headquarters forces them into a fragile alliance, it’s impossible to know who’s playing whom–and whether they can ever learn to trust each other. With their lives, loves, and loyalties at stake, only by joining forces with the Icarus survivors and Avon’s protectors do they stand a chance of taking down the most powerful corporation in the galaxy—before LRI’s secrets destroy them all. The New York Times best-selling Starbound trilogy comes to a close with this dazzling final installment about the power of courage and hope in humanity’s darkest hour.

This book took me so long to read, it just seemed to go on forever. I know that this is mostly because of my reading slump which hit right as I was reading this book, but I also feel like a lot of this book was about moving the characters towards a meeting point where they could then go on and finish the story. It almost feels like it could have been two books in that sense. One following Sophia and Gideon, and then a final book following all the characters once they meet.

Rating: 3.5 Stars

Before She Ignites – by Jodi Meadows

Before

Mira Minkoba is the Hopebearer. Since the day she was born, she’s been told she’s special. Important. Perfect. She’s known across the Fallen Isles not just for her beauty, but for the Mira Treaty named after her, a peace agreement which united the seven islands against their enemies on the mainland.

But Mira has never felt as perfect as everyone says. She counts compulsively. She struggles with crippling anxiety. And she’s far too interested in dragons for a girl of her station.

After

Then Mira discovers an explosive secret that challenges everything she and the Treaty stand for. Betrayed by the very people she spent her life serving, Mira is sentenced to the Pit–the deadliest prison in the Fallen Isles. There, a cruel guard would do anything to discover the secret she would die to protect.

No longer beholden to those who betrayed her, Mira must learn to survive on her own and unearth the dark truths about the Fallen Isles–and herself–before her very world begins to collapse.

Why aren’t more people talking about this book? It’s just so good, I loved every minute of it. I’m actually kind of mad that I don’t have the second book ready to start right away, but I will be pre-ordering that very soon. There is so much that I like about this book, firstly, this book has actual dragons in it!

Rating: 5 Stars

Bruja Born – by Zoraida Cordova

Three sisters. One spell. Countless dead.

Lula Mortiz feels like an outsider. Her sister’s newfound Encantrix powers have wounded her in ways that Lula’s bruja healing powers can’t fix, and she longs for the comfort her family once brought her. Thank the Deos for Maks, her sweet, steady boyfriend who sees the beauty within her and brings light to her life.

Then a bus crash turns Lula’s world upside down. Her classmates are all dead, including Maks. But Lula was born to heal, to fix. She can bring Maks back, even if it means seeking help from her sisters and defying Death herself. But magic that defies the laws of the deos is dangerous. Unpredictable. And when the dust settles, Maks isn’t the only one who’s been brought back…

This was everything I hoped it would be. I really enjoyed seeing more of the world in this book. I really love the magic system and the world building. I was worried about whether I would enjoy Lula’s perspective as much as I did Alex’s, but I needn’t have worried. This book was fantastic, and I already can’t wait for the next one.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – by

A brand new edition of this essential companion to the Harry Potter stories, with a new foreword from J.K. Rowling (writing as Newt Scamander), and 6 new beasts!

A set textbook at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry since publication, Newt Scamander’s masterpiece has entertained wizarding families through the generations. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is an indispensable introduction to the magical beasts of the wizarding world. Scamander’s years of travel and research have created a tome of unparalleled importance. Some of the beasts will be familiar to readers of the Harry Potter books – the Hippogriff, the Basilisk, the Hungarian Horntail…Others will surprise even the most ardent amateur Magizoologist. Dip in to discover the curious habits of magical beasts across five continents…

I borrowed the audiobook from my local library, and I really enjoyed it. I wasn’t sure if this book could work well as an audiobook, but it really does. It’s narrated excellently by Eddie Redmayne, who is in character as Newt Scamander for the entire book. The whole thing is just really well done.

Rating: 4 Stars

Giant Days: volume 4

It’s springtime at Sheffield University — the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing, and fast-pals Susan, Esther and Daisy continue to survive their freshman year of college. Susan is barely dealing with her recent breakup with McGraw, Esther is considering dropping out of school, and Daisy is trying to keep everyone and everything from falling apart! Combined with house-hunting, indie film festivals, and online dating, can the girls make it to second year?

The Eisner Award-nominated series from John Allison (Bad Machinery, Scary Go Round) with artist Max Sarin delivers another delightful slice-of-life adventure in Giant Days Volume 4. Collects issues 13-16.

This was a birthday gift from my auntie, and I was so excited that I read it that same day. I loved it just as much as the previous volumes. It’s highly entertaining, and I definitely consider this to be one of my favourite graphic novel series.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Giant Days – by Non Pratt

Based on the hit graphic-novel series from BOOM! Studios, the publisher behind Lumberjanes, Giant Days follows the hilarious and heartfelt misadventures of three university first-years: Daisy, the innocent home-schooled girl; Susan, the sardonic wit; and Esther, the vivacious drama queen. While the girls seem very different, they become fast friends during their first week of university. And it’s a good thing they do, because in the giant adventure that is college, a friend who has your back is key–something Daisy discovers when she gets a little too involved in her extracurricular club, the Yogic Brethren of Zoise. When she starts acting strange and life around campus gets even stranger (missing students, secret handshakes, monogrammed robes everywhere . . .), Esther and Susan decide it’s up to them to investigate the weirdness and save their friend.

I really enjoyed this book, and was so happy when it lived up to the awesomeness of the comics. Non Pratt has done a fantastic job of writing something that can stand alone from the comics, while matching the tone of the comics, and making subtle nods to the source material.

My Review

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Giant Days: volume 5

Going off to university is always a time of change and growth, but for Esther, Susan, and Daisy, things are about to get a little weird.

Their freshman year is finally coming to a close and Daisy, Susan, and Esther say goodbye to Catterick Hall forever. Literally forever. It’s being bulldozed and re-purposed as a luxury dorm next semester. But as one door closes, another opens and between end of semester hookups, music festivals, and moving into their first home together, the life experiences are just getting started.

Written by Eisner Award nominee John Allison (Bad Machinery, Scary Go Round) and illustrated by Max Sarin, Giant Days Volume 5 finishes off freshman year in style, collecting issues #17-20 of the Eisner and Harvey Award-nominated series.

I’ve already said how much I love this series, and this volume changes nothing. It’s great. I love that they are showing the passage of time, and allowing the characters to move forward and progress through life. I’m really looking forward to finding out what the girls will get up to in their second year of university.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Ms Marvel: volume 9 – by G. Willow Wilson, Nico Leon

Kamala Khan has vanished! But where has she gone, and why? Jersey City still has a need for heroes, and in the wake of Ms. Marvel’s disappearance, dozens have begun stepping up to the plate. The city’s newest super hero Red Dagger and even ordinary citizens attempt to carry on the brave fight in Kamala’s honor. Somehow, Ms. Marvel is nowhere…but also everywhere at once! Absent but not forgotten, Ms. Marvel has forged a heroic legacy to be proud of. But when an old enemy re-emerges, will anyone be powerful enough to truly carry the Ms. Marvel legacy – except Kamala herself?

COLLECTING: MS. MARVEL 25-30

This is another of my favourite ongoing graphic novel series’, and one of the only Marvel titles that I’m interested in keeping up with. I really enjoyed this volume. I liked that they focused on Kamala’s friends, and how they cope without her while also covering for the missing Ms Marvel. It was a lot of fun, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Rating: 4 Stars

Ancient Magus Bride volumes 2,3,4,5

Great power comes at a price…

Chise Hatori’s life has recently undergone shocking change. As a sleigh beggy–a person capable of generating and wielding tremendous magical power–she has transformed from an unwanted child to a magician’s apprentice who has been introduced to fae royalty. But Chise’s newly discovered abilities also mean a cruel fate awaits her.

I’m really enjoying this manga series, the anime is a pretty faithful adaptation so far, so no surprises, but I love the art, and I’m really enjoying reading the source material. I especially loved all the tiny details and explanations that weren’t in the anime, that really add to the story. I loved the anime, but I feel like I’m getting to know the characters and the world a bit better in this format, and I really like that. I love the magic, and the large, interesting world that’s being set out in these books. Also, I really like the bonus content in the collected volumes, it makes me so happy.

Ratings: 4 – 4.5 Stars

Sorry this post is a month late, I don’t know why I didn’t post it sooner, it’s been ready for a while. I’ve been such a mess this past month, I need to be more organised.

Want to chat, about books or anything else, here are some other places you can find me:

Twitter @reading_escape

Instagram: @readingsanctuary

Goodreads

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August Reading Wrap Up I started the month in a really bad reading slump, so my main goal for the month was to get over that.

[lover-of-mine]

Yes to all that, but I just wanna add something I was thinking before vol 2 came out. I think the death the higher stakes and that could come with the best set of consequences in the story was Mike. Let's play the whole El fails and someone needs to step up that was set up by Dustin and Erika in the dnd game in the beginning, you have El fail resulting on Mike dying. El would go full ex machina and you can justify whatever overpowered bullshit they could with her losing him since her power are clearly really linked to emotions. Then we could have someone else getting powers *cough* Will *cough*. He's the other one from a magical class in the dnd, giving him powers after a few really blunt parallels between him and Henry/001/Vecna would raise the stakes of the season and losing Mike would totally be a trigger. Nancy can rain hellfire over them killing her best friend and threatening her family, imagine the shit she would pull if they killed her brother? You can even continue to push the Stancy agenda by having her blame Jonathan if Mike died on his watch. Mike is the heart withing the kids so his death, that would've already be devastating, would be just straight up cruel. You can also drag out things with the adults.

They could have given us an ending with real stakes, building the tension for season 5 beautifully and then they just... Didn't. It was all for nothing. Max is dead but she's not really dead. Eddie died pointlessly. Eleven has healing powers now? What was the point of it all??

Also can we talk about how they don't wanna mess with the main cast and "killed" the party member that came later? Cuz that just feels stupid

i think what bothers me most about stranger things season 4 volume 2 is all of the unfulfilled promises.

Let’s start with the deaths.  We were told that the end of this season would be carnage and that there would be a body count.  At one point “five confirmed deaths” was thrown out there.  First of all, I don’t think I can even list the five deaths.

Eddie, obviously

I assume they’re including Max since she was technically dead for a minute

Brenner? 

Jason?

Genuinely don’t know who this last one would be

I found none of these deaths satisfying.

1. Eddie - narratively, it didn’t make sense for him to choose to fight the bats.  I know that they wanted to give him a hero moment where he could be brave since he was upset about running when Chrissy was killed, but he didn’t have to do that!  He was meant to be the distraction, and running was still distracting, plus the instructions for him and Dustin were to get out of there when things became too dangerous.  There were other ways for him to be brave.  I didn’t see a reason for him to stand and fight there, especially when the demobats died shortly after anyway.  It felt useless, it felt wasted, and it felt like a death just for the sake of having a body count rather than furthering the story.  Adding on to the fact that his name will never be cleared and that Dustin/his uncle are the only two who seem to be mourning him (despite him having multiple friends in the D&D group and friendly allies with the rest of the Upside Down crew), this doesn’t feel like a meaningful or worthwhile death.

2. Max - I think this death had so much potential that they didn’t follow up on, and it was negated by the fact that El suddenly was able to bring her back to life????  It took me a second to realize that Max was actually dying since her injuries weren’t the full vecna-ed extent, but having her die as part of a sacrifice would’ve been super impactful on every other protagonist and would’ve actually felt like a loss.  If they were going to bring her back to life, it should cost something.  Right now she’s obviously not fully okay, given that El couldn’t psychically connect to her and she’s in a coma, but to suddenly give El the power to bring people back from the dead and show her being perfectly fine afterwards didn’t make sense to me.  It would’ve been extremely interesting to me if El did some sort of trading of her life for Max’s (especially considering the lyrics of Running Up That Hill and how significant that song was this season), and still had Max come back slightly off (and possibly with residual affects of El’s powers).  Obviously this would’ve unlocked a whole new can of worms, but to have the only multi-season protagonist death be immediately negated and undone felt cheap.

3. Brenner - could not care less about this man.  They tried to make his death huge and emotional and I simply did not care I was glad he died

4. Jason - once again, could not care about this guy, and his death was so sudden that I don’t think we were necessarily supposed to feel the impact of it.

We were promised carnage, we were promised a body count, and what we got was one death that was unnecessary to the narrative, one death that was immediately undone by a super powered girl who’s powers seem limitless for the fourth season in a row, and two deaths of antagonists that I felt nothing over.  If you’re going to advertise the deaths in a series, have the guts to follow through.  Would I have been upset if Steve died? yes.  Would it have been extremely impactful for the babysitter/hero to die? yes.  It would’ve had lasting effects on the narrative and actually meant something to the characters.  Would I have been upset if Dustin died? yes.  Would it have been interesting to see the impact and seriousness of a 14 year old dying? yes.  Would it have considerably raised the stakes and the sense of danger? also yes.  Would it have been interesting seeing how the mix of the kids and young adults proceeds forwards as a group since he was the main bridge between the kids and Steve? yes.  Would I have been upset if El died? yes.  Would it have raised the stakes for the show in a new and interesting way now that they don’t have their saving grace around? yes.  Would it have been fascinating to see how that would impact Will? Mike? Hopper? Max? yes.  Would I have been upset if Mike died? yes. Would killing the so-called heart of the group have a deep impact and spur them forward? yes.  Would this have lasting effects on El that likely would impact her powers in some way? yes.

There are so many ways that they could’ve made the deaths significant and important.  Instead, they refused to truly kill any of their main protagonists, greatly lowering the narrative stakes and leaving me feeling unfulfilled.  If someone’s death has a narrative reason and impacts the other characters/the plot, that is a worthwhile death, even if I’ll be sad and go read a bunch of fix-it fics.  None of these deaths fulfilled that.

Queerbaiting was another unfulfilled promise from volume 2.  I personally didn’t ship steddie and I didn’t think byler would be requited and canon this season, but it is an undeniable fact that they utilized both of those ships during the advertising of volume 2 only to make steve go after nancy again with big speeches that didn’t fix the context they were given in, kill off eddie, and have will’s gay pining be used to further mileven while mike remains oblivious to will’s feelings.  Will being gay isn’t in question anymore, I personally am not waiting on a verbal “i’m gay” from him and don’t think that’s part of the queerbaiting because anyone with a brain or a smidge of media comprehension can see it, but only using him to further the plot of the straight couple and then not letting him have a full confession to mike where he is heard and understood is queerbaiting after the emphasis that was put on this pairing.

There were a slew of other things that I felt went unfulfilled: the use of “Running Up that Hill” implying some sort of last minute sacrifice to save a loved one, Will’s not being able to take ownership of the painting and saying that El commissioned it, therefore not having Mike understand the grand emotional moment of it, the D&D game at the beginning having Dustin lose on an 11 and Erica (an outsider) managing to win with a 20, yet El was still the savior of the day ultimately despite the opening of the gates, literally everything about Will’s connection to the upside down and vecna not being touched on and him being reduced to the pining gay friend.  On top of that, the only person who devloped as a character was Eddie, and he died for it.  Jonathan is still lying to Nancy about college and they’re both still not communicating with each other.  Will is still pining for Mike in secret.  Mike is still hyper-focused on El and completely ignorant of what’s going on with his friends.  I suppose Lucas realized that jocks are bad, which is not a good takeaway and I’m still mad that none of his friends supported him when he wanted to get involved in another extracurricular activity, and that just puts him back to where he was at the end of season 3.  El still needs Mike and his love confession to spur her powers forward, rather than being able to rely on herself and not having to be anyone’s special superhero.  Steve is still hung up on romance and specifically Nancy, something I thought we left behind a while ago and which serves neither of their characters right now.  Dustin might feel a renewed responsibility for leading other kids with nonconformity, but that’s less of a development and more of a reaffirmation of who he already unwaveringly is.  We didn’t get to see Max at the end of the season because she’s in a coma, but would her realization that she deserves to live, wants to live, and isn’t responsible for Billy’s death still stick after vecna’s abuses?

I think the reason that these last two episodes felt like a letdown for me personally is that we were promised so much and given so little of it.  Don’t give us expectations if you’re not going to follow through.  That’s bad writing.

[totaltozier]

Cruel to Be Kind - Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

REQUEST: Hey! I have an idea but i dont know if its any good. Can you write richie and eddie dating, but one night when they are all pretty drunk bev and richie make out and eddie is heartbroken

NOTE: WOW THIS IS FULL OF ANGST! It’s high key very sad at the end (jk like the whole time) but it’s still great!!!!! Maybe I’ll write a part 2? give it a happy ending???? Hope you all like it! Feedback is always appreciated!

WORD COUNT: 1579

Eddie hated parties. He really did. The idea of a hundred sweaty teens shoved into someone’s tiny house (probably a stranger’s house too!) with couches covered in cheap beer and bad house music so loud it’s not possible to have a conversation was nowhere near Eddie’s idea of fun. At home in his bed binge watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix with a bowl of popcorn was more up his alley. In fact, that sounded perfect to Eddie right now.

Instead, Eddie was sitting next to Richie in his pickup truck parked across the street from Chelsea Marshall’s house. He had already put up a fight about not wanting to come out tonight, claiming he had other, much better, plans. Richie saw right through it, knowing that his boyfriend was being difficult.

Richie turned towards Eddie with his hand on door ready to hop out. “C’mon Eds, it’ll be fun!” He pleaded.

Eddie let out a sigh and crossed his arms. “I don’t even know anyone in there! This is an after party for the football team and I am very much not on the football team!” Eddie argued.

“But you’re dating me who is evidently on the football team Eds!” It was true. Richie was the wide end receiver on their high school football team and Eddie just happened to be dating him. “Besides, I promise I won’t leave your side okay?” Richie pleaded, making his puppy dog face that Eddie just can’t say no to.

Eddie rolled his eyes and opened his car door. “Fine. But I’m not drinking and since I know you are, I’m taking your keys.” He reached over and pulled Richie’s keys out of the ignition and hopped out of the truck.

Eddie could hear the music before he was even on the front lawn. He didn’t recognize what song it was but it sounded like some Taylor Swift remix. He had a feeling in his gut that something was going to happen tonight but couldn’t quite figure out if it was going to be good or bad.

Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand and gave the smaller boy a warm smile. The two headed inside the house. There were kids Eddie recognized from the halls at school with a few unfamiliar faces thrown into the mix. He assumed they were from the catholic high school across town. The house was already packed even though it was only 10 PM.

Richie lead Eddie through the tight crowd of teenagers and into the kitchen. Eddie felt his hand slip out from Richie’s as the taller boy was greeted by someone who Eddie recognized from the football team. Eddie watched as the guy next to him handed Richie a beer which he accepted easily, taking a swig the second he had it in his grip.

“Eddie, you know Jason and Matt!” Richie said as he stood in between the two guys and draped his arms around them both.

Eddie nodded his head “Sure, yeah.” He agreed when really, he had never met the two before. He studied their looks for a moment looking at their matching lettermen jackets and basic greasy haircuts. Eddie knew that if he ever saw Jason and Matt again that he wouldn’t be able to tell the two apart.

Richie continued talking to everyone he knew, making his way around the house circulating through the small groups of people he found throughout. Eddie tagged along behind him, participating in a few conversations when the other people actually noticed that he was there. Most of the conversations were blah although Eddie had enjoyed talking to the girls from Richie’s drama class, they were full of funny stories from their days working on the school musical.

It was around midnight when Eddie had lost Richie. He had scrambled off with some friends from his math class to get more beer and Eddie had opted out deciding to crash on a nearby couch. There were a few rough looking sophmores sitting in the corner subtly getting high but Eddie didn’t see any other empty seats around so he settled.

“Well if it aint Eddie!” Eddie’s head snapped up to see Bill standing in front of him.

“Hey Bill!” He greeted back. “I didn’t know you’d be here” Eddie explained as he watched Bill cross the room to sit on the couch’s armrest next to him.

“Yeah,” Bill started, “Suh-somehow Stan druh-dragged me here. Didn’t really wuh-want to come.” Bill shrugged. Eddie noticed that his friend had a red cup in his hand. Bill took a sip of the mystery drink that Eddie assumed was the bright pink mixture he saw in the kitchen earlier. “Wuh-why are you here?” Bill asked him. “You hate puh-parties.”

Eddie shrugged. “Yeah but my boyfriend loves them.” Bill nodded at Eddie. “So I get dragged along to make sure he gets home safe, I guess.”

“Speaking of, whuh-where is R-richie?” Bill questioned as his eyes scanned the room looking for the gangly boy.

Eddie leaned back into the couch resting his head on the back of the cushions. “Beats me. Funny though, he promised that he’d stay by my side all night but I haven’t seen Richie for almost the past hour.” He explained.

“You looking for Richie?” Eddie didn’t recognize the voice talking to him but looked up to see who it was anyways. It was a girl with piercing green eyes and long blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail leaning against the doorframe. Something about her unsettled Eddie, but then again it could just be the smoke wafting through the air.

“Maybe,” Eddie answered hesitantly, shifting in his seat. “Why, what do you know?”

“I was talking to him upstairs about Mrs. Keith’s English class project before that Marsh girl dragged him into one of the bedrooms and locked me out” the girl pushed off from the doorframe and walked away calling out “just thought you’d like to know.” Before disappearing into the crowd of people.

Eddie sat there for a moment. He knew his Richie. He knew that he loved him and the feeling was mutual. Yet for some reason, Eddie felt glued to the grimy couch he was sat on. As if getting up and finding Richie was going to be the end of the world and the couch could somehow save him.

Bill stared down at the small boy and nudged him out of his trance. “Hey, are you alr-right?” He asked worried.

“Yeah I’m great” Eddie replied. But the boy had tunnel vision and before he knew it he was already up the narrow flight of stairs and opening random doors trying to find Richie.

After barging into two bedrooms and one awkward bathroom party, Eddie found the only door that wouldn’t open from the outside.

“Richie?” He called out as he nagged on the door. “Rich, it’s me! Open up!” He jiggled the doorknob with urgency. In a panicked state, he kept repeating to himself over and over in his mind You love Richie and Richie loves you.

After what felt like a lifetime, the old lock gave out and Eddie fell forwards as the door flung open. He stumbled before regaining his balance but he might as well fallen face first onto the floor because that would have hurt less than the sight before him. Caught like a deer in headlights, Eddie just stood there, one hand gripping the cold doorknob, watching as Richie had himself draped over Beverly, kissing her as she was pushed up against the wall.

“Richie?” Eddie said just loud enough for the other to hear.

Richie scrambled off of Beverly, jumping back at the sound of Eddie’s voice. “Eddie, hi, wh-what are you doing?”

Eddie could feel his face flush. Richie was kissing someone. His boyfriend was kissing someone who was not him. Kissing another person and then questioning Eddie on what he was doing. Eddie felt like he was on fire.

“I’m leaving.” Eddie said as he turned on his heel, slamming the door behind him as he ran through the crowded house, pushing everyone out of his way without even saying sorry.

He was on the front lawn crossing towards Richie’s car when he felt a warm hand grip his arm.

“Eddie don’t go!” Richie pleaded as he grabbed Eddie’s arm. But Richie was still a little too drunk giving Eddie the upper hand as he shrugged his hand off.

“No Richie!” Eddie grumbled back. He could feel the heat on his face as tears dangerously pooled up in his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry right now. At least not here.

“Eds, please!” Richie tried again and this time Eddie stopped and turned around.

“Don’t fucking call me that!” He yelled. “You don’t get to kiss someone else, kiss a girl, and think that you can still call me that!”

“Eddie, it didn’t mean anything, that was, it’s just Beverly!” Richie argued but Eddie was having none of it.

“Oh yeah, just Beverly. And what? I’m just Eddie, right?” Eddie threw back. The tears had fallen now, the cool water running gently down his hot cheeks.

“No, it’s not like that, you know that Eds!” Richie explained but it was too late.

Eddie shook his head as he wiped his hand across his wet cheek. “No, I don’t know that, Rich.” He turned around and started making his way across the grass.

“Where are you going?” Richie asked.

“I’m going home. I didn’t even want to come to this fucking party anyways.” Eddie jogged across the street and quickly climbed into Richie’s truck. He was supposed to drive Richie home but right now he couldn’t care less. He turned the truck on and pulled out of the spot, driving away from the house, from the party, from the noise, from the mess that was his and Richie’s relationship.

Before turning off of the street Eddie quickly glanced in the rear-view mirror and shook his head. He could see Richie still standing on the lawn, right where Eddie had left him as if he was waiting for Eddie to turn around and come pick him up. But Eddie didn’t. He drove until he hit the town’s limit and then further past that, trying to get as far away from Richie and his broken heart as possible.