#something else my friends have noticed about Red (I think it was Marsh who first pointed it out)

[inksandpensblog]

@tallsc have you seen this?

Siciria Analyzes The Most Complex Stick Figures Known To Man (part 2)

Red's new tiktok came out.

We're going with Red next.

Also here's part 1 of SATMCSFTM.

Idk why I abbreviated it.

Or why I linked it.

Welp.

-

Okay, so to start off, most people perceive Red as the youngest of the CG, and the most outgoing. He's the resident animal lover, is sensitive, and in some situations, can be really aggressive and hotheaded.

Like here:

Red went first. He is someone who always throws himself willingly into danger (like Blue in the last part, though Red does it more consistently). With Dark, he went for it not knowing if he could win, but instead to protect his friends. He is the line. He is someone who truly cares for others, and will treat newcomers with the utmost goodness regardless of what he's getting in return. He will go back for them.

This is shown, primarily, in Monster School.

In this scene, he was about to turn back. He was about to go back through the portal. But he saw that his teammates (the ones who bullied and harassed him prior) were in trouble, and still went back for them. We talk about how he went back for them. We talk about it.

But we don't talk about how he must have been feeling, or how much they must have hurt him. And he still helped them despite that. He truly has an extremely strong character, probably the strongest out of everyone, or at least the CG.

AND HE SURVIVED BEING LITERALLY POSSESSED TWICE. TWICE. HOW MUCH MENTAL STRENGTH DOES THIS STICK HAVE.

Okay, now to not state the obvious. this whole "analysis" thing is just me stating the obvious anyway idk why u guys seem to like it

Red is smart.

No, Red is really smart.

And I think we, as a fandom, don't give him credit for it. He's always the one to come up with new ideas, and these ideas seem to work. This is shown, mostly, in the Minecart Race episode.

He was the first one to start paddling with his hands.

And the first one to boat on the ice.

And he had the bright idea to use the snowballs.

Even in the Color Sorting short, he had to know at least some kind of coding or engineering to get all the items to become red items. Come on.

And in his tiktok that just came out today, he does so many different, unique moves. In Green's and even Blue's, it's more repetitive, and shorter (though Blue's dancing skills are unmatched ngl).

An in Monster School, they only passed because of his ideas (WHICH THEY HARDLY GAVE HIM CREDIT FOR). Because it was HIM who understood that the bow needed to be flipped around to shoot properly.

And it was HIM who knew that tickling the Enderman would help.

And it was HIM who got them across the ocean to the mountain using the spider.

He is someone who can recognize the potential in his teammates, and recognize what they can do in a given battle.

AND WHAT DOES HE GET FROM THEM? NOTHING. NOTHING. HE GETS BEAT UP. HE GETS STICKING BEAT UP.😭😭😭

So in summary...

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT RED MORE.

(I honestly learned more about Red doing this. It's kinda fun ngl).

[vanzuris]

i don't know if this may be a kinda weird idea but i thought about it last night and it's been eating me alive, follow me on this one:

kyman as cats au. yes.

(sorry if it’s poorly written, english isn’t my first language)

so, kyle is a slim orange cat who's been living with the marshes since two weeks after he was born. they found him on the side of the road during a family trip, dirty and tiny and loud, and randy was outnumbered; he had zero chances of convincing stan, shelly and sharon to not keep the goddamn cat. and as time passed he successfully gained everyone's heart. they loved him. even sparky (rest in peace) and specially stan who considers him his super best friend because kyle is a very chill and nice cat.

and it has been just him in his territory for a while.

so it's just natural that he can't help but stare in confusion when shelly comes back home with a fluffy, fat brown cat with big brown eyes and a red collar, alleging that she saw him around all by his own for a few days now and decided to take the poor thing to their home. stan, who just loves animals in general, finds him adorable and reaches out to pet him. that motherfucker immediately starts to purr, just to bite stan’s hand seconds later and then act like it was all in good fun. and he doesn’t quite know what is it, but there's something about him that kyle just... doesn't like.

whatever, it doesn’t matter because then it happens. while eric (as printed on his collar) rubs on stan’s legs, he notices kyle for the first time. he immediately starts to approach him, ears and tail up communicating his curiosity. the family just stands there, wanting to see how this will turn out. first they smell each other, and then proceed to make a kind of staring contest before eric raises his paw and hits kyle on the face.

“oooh, i would fight back if i were you, buddy” says randy.

but they still let eric stay after posting pictures of him on social media in case there’s someone out there looking for him. the week goes by with loud meowing from both cats, and it’s a bit annoying but funny, because it’s like they’re arguing in their own little language all the time. kyle tries his best to avoid him: staying in stan’s room for more time than he’s used to, resting on the tallest step of the cat tower, going out of the house to hang out more often with the neighbor’s cat, but he still gets involved in these “arguments” that sometimes even become physical and end up with shelly and stan having to separate them.

and it certainly doesn’t help that eric spends 50% of his time sleeping in shelly’s bed (his favorite human of the four, because she’s always petting him, treating him like he deserves (yeah, like a king) and even bought a nice plate to feed him) and the other 50% trying to start fights with kyle. seriously, what’s wrong with him?

okay. they hate each other, right? kyle must be angry because this cat came out of nowhere and invaded his territory and even dared to try to start fights with him. that’s what it looks like to the whole family.

so it’s just natural that stan has to rub his eyes five times to confirm he’s not insane and seeing things when one night he goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water and catches both cats curled up together, incredibly close, on the couch.

“i think kyle is gay”, stan shares his thoughts with the rest of the family three days later during dinner, after constantly catching the two cats getting along and being… clingy? when apparently they thought no one else could see them.

“sparky was gay, what’s the possibility of our cat being gay too?”

stan doesn’t know, but he’s sure he’s right. of course he had to be a fucking orange cat. no one believes him, though, because the cats continue to be gay in secret.

and it’s all fine until one day a blond guy in an orange parka shows up to their house, claiming that eric is his cat that ran away two months ago.

shelly and stan look at each other, knowing damn well that they both started to love that rude cat and don’t want to give him back. but it doesn’t matter, they eventually would have to.

eric greets kenny with a loud purr and even louder meows, happy to see him again. shelly asks kenny to please take his plate and newly bought toys with him so eric can remember her, and then they leave.

the whole week after that is a torture between shelly talking about how much he misses eric and kyle meowing at the door, waiting for the brown cat to come back.

and on a tuesday, stan wakes up to find the two cats curled up on the couch again. oh my god.

he calls kenny, who comes to pick eric up and stan explains how their cats are… lovers? apparently. kenny laughs, but believes in his word and promises to take eric to visit his cat-boyfriend sometimes.

it’s not necessary, though, because eric keeps coming back on his own, but eventually learns the way back home with kenny so that’s not a problem anymore.

the only option the marshes have now is to accept their cat’s sexuality and eric’s presence too, whenever he shows up.

whether they like it or not, he’s part of the family now.

[blueicequeen19]

Touron Pt. 1

I feel so out of place. Awkward might as well be my middle name. It's not my first time visiting OBX for the summer but it's the first time I've noticed the Kook and Pogue divide. This is also my first party. My cousins always bragged about the beach parties that take place all summer and they wouldn't leave me alone until I decided to join them. I'd rather be curled up watching Netflix but whatever.

I didn't have any friends back home because I was the shy, nerdy girl who didn't like to socialize yet here I was practically thrown to the wolves. My cousin insisted I borrow one of her floral dresses and she curled my naturally wavy brown hair. At least now I looked like a flowery bump on a log that didn't belong.

"Hi." I look up from twirling my hair to see a handsome blonde boy with a playful grin. His long, messy hair screams surfer, along with the shark tooth necklace and beaded bracelets. My stomach dropped and my cheeks flushed. He was gorgeous.

"Hi." I squeaked as he sat down next to me, holding two red solo cups full of beer.

"I haven't seen you around before so I thought I'd introduce myself and offer you a beer." He never lost his smile as he offered me one of the cups. I'd sampled enough beer to know I didn't like it but I took the cup anyway with a small smile. "I'm JJ."

"Lucy, but you can call me Lu." I said softly, averting my eyes from his blue ones. Even in the dark I could tell that they looked like the ocean. Why did I care so much about tiny details?

"Lucy. I like that. It's pretty." JJ took a large drink of his beer, never taking his eyes off me.

"It's a grandma name." I joke, although that's how kids used to tease me growing up. It's either a kids name or a dogs name. So original.

"Lucille is a grandma name. Lucy is short and sweet, like you." Wow. Smooth talker and it's totally working. Warmth floods my body and my cheeks burn. When he smiles a dimple forms on one side and I ache to poke it. It takes me a second to realize that he's talking and I'm staring, totally not hearing what he said.

"I'm sorry, I was totally spacing out." I blurt, covering my red cheeks with my hands. That playful grin stays on his face.

"I could tell. You think I'm cute." JJ teases and my cheeks burn under my hands. "It's cool. I think you're cute too." Now my cheeks hurt from smiling.

"Do these lines usually work for you?" I find myself asking, lowering my hands.

"I don't know. Is it working?" He bites his bottom lip and it's the hottest thing I've ever seen. I want to bite it too.

"It's totally not working. I must be immune to your charm." Oh. My. God. I'm totally flirting back!

"Impossible. No one is immune to the JJ Maybank charm."

"Must be a rough day for you then." I sit my hand down on the log and he sits his on top of mine. Maybe he's just being overly flirty but it almost feels—intimate. I pull my hand away and he clears his throat.

"So you're a Touron?" He asks, finishing off his beers and straddling the log so he's facing me.

"Is that another Kook or Pogue thing?" I ask and he nods with a smirk.

"Kinda. Touron's are neutral ground though." He gives me a wink and I want to fall over.

"So it's like a gang? Are you in a gang, JJ?" I give a fake gasp, clutching my chest and he throws back his head with laughter. God, he's given me five minutes of attention and I'm obsessed.

"You could say that. You should come hang out sometime with me and my gang. Go fishing on the marsh or something. Look for lost treasures." I giggle, lost for words and he smiles back. Without thinking, I hand him my phone.

"Put your number in and I'll text you when I'm free." He gives me that lip biting grin again before quickly typing his number in then posing as he takes a selfie.

"I was going to list myself as "the hot guy from the party" but I didn't want you to think it was something else." He teases as he hands my phone back. Butterflies fill my stomach at the sight of his picture listed with his contact info and address. I smirked when I read the name. "The Charmer 😉"

"Do you not like the beer?" He asks after a moment of silence and I look down to the still full cup I've sit next to me on the log.

"I uh—." I start to lie, being the people pleaser I am, but he catches on.

"It's fine. You don't have to. I'd get you something else if I had it." JJ picks up the cup and takes a drink. My nerves are at ease at his sweet words.

"How do you drink it and not even make a face? Beer is so tart." I make a disgusted face and he chuckles.

"Lots of practice." I get another wink and my stomach flips. As the night goes on, I notice the more he drinks the more he flirts. We're both red faced and laughing by the time another long haired boy approaches us with a goofy grin.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but the bus is leaving." The boy gives me a soft smile and turns to JJ.

"It's cool, JB. I'm gonna walk Lucy home then I'll be home."

"Lucy, I'm John B. Don't listen to a word this guy says about me. I'm the better man for you." Another flirt. I blush but keep my eyes on JJ. I shake John B's hand and he walks off with a salute to JJ.

"He's right, yaknow." JJ smirks with a slight shake of his head as he picks at something on the log.

"About?" I question.

"He's the better man." I shake my head. There's no way yet I can't find the words to say that would make him feel better without humiliating myself. I get to my feet and brush myself off, feeling his eyes on me.

"I'm ready when you are." I gesture for him to follow and he does.

We walk and talk and laugh all the way back to my cousins house where I'm staying. I've never felt this type of connection with someone person. It's like we clicked and everything came so naturally. Half way through our journey, my fingers accidentally brushed his and he took my hand without hesitation. The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy and my skin was tingling from his hand in mine. His hands were large and warm and callused with a couple rings on his fingers. I smiled at the ground as his thumb stroked mine.

"Favorite movie?" He asks as we approach the stone wall of my cousins property. I slow down, turning to face him because I'm not ready for this night to end yet.

"I'm a sucker for action movies but I love Harry Potter. So probably a tie between anything Marvel and Harry Potter. You?" I ask and he grins, his signature response whenever we share the same tastes. He blows a bubble with the minty gum he's been chewing as he thinks.

"Which Harry Potter movie is your favorite? And if you don't say Prisoner of Azkaban I will turn this car around right now." JJ laughs and I raise my dark brow at him.

"Did you even watch Order of the Phoenix? Because it was definitely the best." I counter and he pulls me against him. Our chests meet and I can feel his rapid heart beating against mine. My breath catches in my throat as I become highly aware of his hands touching me. The hands that are sliding down my arms and circle my waist.

"I'd like to kiss you now." His minty breath washes over my mouth and I find myself nodding. I didn't dare tell him he would be my first kiss or that I was terrified of being bad at it. I lift up on my toes just as he leans down and brushes my lips with his. An inferno blazes through my body as he keeps kissing me, one of his hands gently cupping the back of my neck. I gasp when he slips his tongue in my mouth but I just go with it before he can stop. I mimic his motions, flicking and molding our tongues together until I get the sudden urge to suck his tongue into my mouth. I'd read it in a book once and always wanted to try it. His whole body jerks as I suck his tongue into my mouth and he breaks away, panting. Our foreheads are pressed together as we fight to catch our breath and I can't see his eyes because of his messy hair. Nerves fill my stomach. Maybe I shouldn't have done that.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think. I shouldn't have done that." I pant and he tilts his head up slightly, his expression hard. And hungry. His pupils are blown, making his eyes look black and his lips are swollen and wet.

"Don't ever apologize. Do it again." His hand grips my neck roughly and we're kissing again. My body is suddenly pinned against the stone wall by his and the fire in my blood is burning me alive. The pulsing between my legs becomes painful to the point I'm whimpering against his lips. His hand gradually slides up my dress and caressing my sex through my panties.

"Is this okay?" He pants against my lips and I nod. I don't care that anyone could drive by and see. I don't want his hands to leave my body. I gasp when his hand slips into my panties and rubs my tiny bundle of nerves. I've only ever masturbated one time just to experiment but this was so much better.

"You're so wet." His mouth finds my neck and I whimper again. I feel his free hand brace against the wall as his lips devour my neck. I tangle my hands in his hair, desperately trying to keep him as close as possible. A finger teases my entrance until he finally sinks in, agonizingly slow. A choked moan leaves my lips and he tenses.

"God, the sounds you make. And you're so tight."

"I'm sorry." I pant. Why am I apologizing? I'm so drunk on lust I can't think.

"What did I tell you? Stop apologizing. I want to hear all your sounds. I bet you could wake the neighbors with how loud I make you." His dirty words make me clench around him and he chuckles, kissing me hard.

"J." I breathe as he adds another finger, curling it inside me.

"I love it when you say my name." JJ groans against my lips. My hand slips from his chest and grazes over the bulge in his shorts, causing him to jerk. I palm him without thinking and his fingers pump harder.

"I'm gonna cum." I lean my head back against the stone wall as I feel the dam break and euphoria washes over me, soft moans leaving my lips. JJ pulls his hand free but keeps his body pressed against mine. I had a lot of firsts tonight and I was exhausted.

"I should go inside." I whisper softly as his lips find mine again. He pulls away abruptly and looks over my head, past the stone wall and to the large white mansion sitting there.

"You live here?" He asks, his face puzzled.

"My cousin does. I'm staying here for the summer." I answer. The butterflies I had all night suddenly turn into a knot as he steps back from me, his eyes narrowed on the house behind me.

"Who's your cousin?" JJ asks, taking a hand through his tousled hair.

"Sarah Cameron."

[xanasaurusrex]

Light - B.M.

Pairing: Beverly Marsh x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1918 words

Warnings: Love confession, mutual pining, swimming, swearing, Richie Tozier (it’s a warning within itself), kissing, tooth-rotting fluff I stg, Losers Club are aged up to 17, super crappy ending, not proofread, I think that’s it! Please let me know if I missed anything!

Summary: The other Losers know for a fact that Bev returns Y/N’s feelings, even though she’s blind to them herself. But after a set up one day, maybe she’ll see the light.

Notes: My first ever It (2017) fic! Also my first fic on Tumblr! Thank you to anyone who read this, because it’s taking a lot of courage to write this, let alone post it…. Yeah, Bev and Richie are my favorite characters in the movies, and, given my url, I figured my first fic should be a Bev fic! Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

******

“She likes you back, Y/N,”

“No she doesn’t.”

“Stop fighting it, we all see it!”

Y/N looked at Richie with a roll of her eyes, turning back forward to avoid crashing into anyone or anything with her bike. “Can you stop with that? I don’t want you giving me false hope when I know she doesn’t like me back,”

Richie was the one to roll his eyes this time.

Everyone in the Losers Club knew that Y/N had had a crush on Bev for as long as they could all remember. Since the first day she saw Bev in the pharmacy after they found Ben outside the sewers and had gone in to find the supplies to fix him up.

Bev had been the one to save the day. She had distracted the man at the counter while they took the things they needed, and had come back afterwards to make sure that Ben was okay. Of course, Y/N had realized that it was not the time to be admiring Bev, seeing as Ben had just had a pretty rough run-in with Bowers, and Eddie was freaking out enough as it was.

It didn’t take long for Y/N to fall completely in love with the red-headed Derry resident. She lived in the apartment above hers, and whenever Bev’s dad fell asleep, Bev would climb down the fire escape and climb into Y/N’s window.

Y/N would sit with her and listen to what she said, or would just sit there, and the girls would hug.

On those nights when Bev either couldn’t go down to Y/N’s apartment, or didn’t need to, Y/N would lay down, and stare up at the ceiling, knowing that Bev’s room was directly above her own. She would wonder what Bev was doing, if she was reading the secret admirer note that Ben had given her, or if she was thinking of Y/N just as much as she was thinking of Bev.

It was torture.

It took a little longer for the other members of the Losers Club to realize that Y/N was falling in love with Bev. After that, they all began encouraging her to confess to Bev, because even though at the time they hadn’t seen the light that ignited in Bev’s eyes the second they landed on Y/N, they wanted their friends to be happy, and who else to be happy with but each other?

That was all when they were twelve, nearly five years ago. In that time, they had all seen that Bev loved Y/N the same way Y/N loved Bev. It was hard to watch the two beat around the bush with each other; subtle flirting that neither one noticed (though everyone else did), and even harder to see them think that the other was in love with other people, though everyone else thought it was painfully obvious to everyone else that it was each other they were in love with.

Now, as Y/N and Richie biked home together, Richie tried his best to convince Y/N for the thousandth time that Bev liked her back, no, loved her back.

“I’m sorry Rich, I want to believe you, I really do,” Y/N said for the thousandth time. “But you’ve gotta be blind to not see that Bev and Bill are in love with each other,”

 Richie quickly realized that he didn’t have enough energy to argue with her today, even though he still wanted to, instead opting for a safer topic: the test that Mr. Herrd gave them today, that Richie was fairly sure he had failed.

***

“They’re both fuckin idiots,”

Everyone nodded in agreement at Richie’s statement as the entire Losers Club watched Y/N and Bev play around and splash each other in the lake in the quarry, both of them giggling like little girls, their cheeks bright pink, and not from the sun.

“Bev!” Y/N squealed as Bev splashed her with a particularly large amount of water. After taking a second to regain herself, she retaliated by splashing an even larger amount of water at Bev.

“It’s like they’re both wearing signs saying, ‘I’m in love with the person standing in front of me, but since I’m both a pussy and an idiot, I haven’t said anything yet,”

Stan rolled his eyes at Richie’s language, but agreed nonetheless. “I wish they would just admit it to each other already. To be honest, it’s getting tiring. Should we just… lock them in a room together and not let them leave until they confess?”

“That’s an idea,” Bill smiled.

“Maybe we should say we’re meeting at the Quarry but then none of us show up,” Eddie suggested. “Chances are they’re gonna stay and hang out, and maybe if we’re lucky they’ll say something?”

Richie scoffed. “Knowing them, fat chance. I think if this plan fails, we should go with Stan’s idea,”

The others all agreed, and decided when the best date would be to set this up, and then set the date for their backup plan, and decided they would do it at Bill’s house, since his is the biggest and they would be able to hang around and check in on them regularly without having to hear them kick and scream.

“You guys coming back?” Y/N broke the boys out of their trance after her and Bev realized that they had been splashing each other for nearly fifteen minutes, when they should have been splashing the boys. “We’re getting bored!”

The boys all gave each other a sly look before immediately running back towards the water, splashing Bev and Y/N immediately, all of them laughing as they got splashed back.

***

“Are they coming?”

Bev and Y/N had been at the Quarry for nearly half an hour, both of them laying against the rocks, sunbathing, in just their bikinis. It took everything in both of them not to stare at the other and admire everything about them.

Y/N glanced at the watch that she had taken off her wrist, anticipating that they’d be swimming, and saw that it was now forty five minutes after noon, the time all the Losers had agreed to be at the Quarry.

Y/N sighed. “I don’t think so. Maybe they all forgot?”

Bev laughed. “You think Stan forgot? He’s probably at Richie’s with the others trying to get Richie out of bed. How much d’you wanna bet he stayed up all night on his Gameboy again, and now he’s sleeping the day away?”

She said the last part in a mock-dreamy way, a tone of voice that had Y/N’s heart soaring. She had always loved the sound of Bev’s voice, and there were certain times when it would just go straight to tug on Y/N’s heartstrings. It was never a particular time, just… Bev.

Everything about Bev was magical to Y/N. Somehow, all it took was one small smile, one of Bev’s smiles, and all of a sudden, Y/N was a completely different person.

Normally, she didn’t really like physical contact. It wasn’t anything in particular that had caused it, she just never was a really cuddly person. She could enjoy a short hug, or a quick high five, but anything longer than about three seconds made her uncomfortable

She wasn’t that way with Bev. Y/N would hug her for eternity, and would never want to stop. The two often held hands, and told everyone else that it was purely platonic, though Y/N secretly wished that it would be something more.

Y/N knew that Bev was still talking, but she couldn’t focus on anything more than the way that Bev’s lips were moving, as they moved quickly and perfectly to form the words that were on Bev’s brain.

The conscious, realistic part of Y/N’s brain told her that she should be focusing on what her friend was actually saying. That in just a few seconds, Bev was going to do the thing that they always did in movies where she waved her hand in front of Y/N’s face and asked if she had heard anything she said.

Sure enough, she did.

“Y/N/N, are you even listening to me?” Bev asked with a small chuckle.

The sound alone sent more heat to Y/N’s cheeks.

“S-sorry,” Y/N said quickly, shaking her head, almost as if that would clear her head of the thoughts she shouldn’t be having about her best friend. “Just uh… feeling a little out of it today, that’s all,”

Bev nodded in understanding. “Yeah. Today just… feels weird.”

Y/N nodded in agreement.

The two stayed silent for a few more minutes, before Y/N sat up again. “So, since the boys aren’t coming, we probably shouldn’t wait for them to start swimming, right?”

Bev nodded in agreement, before jumping up and running towards the water, yelling, “Last one in the water is a dancing clown!” behind her, before immediately splashing into the water, getting to a deep enough area, and diving in.

Y/N cursed herself, and then immediately launched herself into the water after Bev, inadvertently splashing her with water as she came out of the water herself at the perfect time.

“Got you!”

***

Y/N shook the water droplets out of her hair, refraining from watching as Bev dried out her own hair, slipping the loose dress that she had brought with her over the bikini that she had worn.

It was now five forty five, and Y/N was going to be expected home for dinner soon. After realizing this, she had reluctantly told Bev that she needed to head home.

Since they lived in the same apartment complex, Bev said she’d go with her.

The sunlight from the sunset bounced off the lake and onto the two girls standing on the beach next to the lake in the Quarry.

Y/N couldn’t help herself this time. She looked up to Bev, and found that she was staring at her the same way, admiring how the golden light danced across her skin, from the top of her coppery red curls to the very bottom of her feet.

Before she could even process what she was doing, Y/N quickly closed the space between her and Bev, pressing her lips against Bev’s.

It only took Bev two seconds to kiss back, relieved that Y/N had been the one to make the first move.

After a few seconds, they realized that they needed air, so the two reluctantly pulled apart, resting their foreheads together.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that?” Y/N whispered breathlessly.

“It was love at first sight, wasn’t it?” Bev asked. “I saw you with the boys and I knew that it was always going to be you. It’s always been you, Y/N,”

“It’s always been you, Bev,”

The two pulled apart, Bev’s arms still wrapped around Y/N’s neck, Y/N’s hands placed lovingly on Bev’s waist. As she looked into Bev’s eyes, she saw a glint in her eyes that she hadn’t seen before.

The light made Bev’s eyes even brighter than they already were, and the longer Y/N looked at her, the more she fell in love.

“I love you, Bev,” she confessed quietly, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulder at the confession. “I always have.

[inksandpensblog]

#red is a complex character (as all of them are) but he is Very smart and skilled#he is. like he's the one who got sent to monster school and we SAW the only reason why he failed was sabatoge he'd get good grades#he's a forgiving character who KNOWS other people's strengths and understands them often before they do#(again monster school but also AVLOL where he's the one who figures out what Sec wants first when starting the game right? aaaaa been a#minute might be wrong there)#Every characterization is interesting and could be used well. Red being a little less smart than the rest of CG could be played very well#it evens out the dynamic between them and Red always being the first to fight is /very/ fun but. i always make my Red the second best fighte#after Second. and uh. this is just a personal thing but having the Minecraft animal lover be the worst at pvp and the dumbass#...it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth to see that take again despite how long I've been in mc community#ah heck i popped off. tldr Red is complex as are all the sticks and they're all smart and strong in different ways!!

Forgiving, and also humble! He always places last in the building competitions because he insists on including mobs in the build, and he doesn't care that this keeps costing him the win, he's just happy he got to incorporate an animal. During the Monster School final, he didn't care that none of his teammates were giving him credit for solving all their problems, all that mattered to him was that the team kept moving forward.

Have you got other examples of Red knowing the strengths of others before they themselves know? I hadn't considered that before, I'm intrigued.

Something else my friends and I have noticed about him (I think it was Marsh who first pointed it out to me?) is that Red is adept at putting on shows. There's his little fake-possession act in The Rediscovery, and his magic show in Command Blocks; I'm not sure of any other examples, but I do find it interesting to note that he's apparently much better at putting on an act than Yellow is (Yellow gets too caught up in his own amusement). Not a trait typically associated with stupidity XD

I've seen numerous writing guides state something to the effect of "weaknesses are just strengths that are over-relied on" or "weaknesses are just strengths in the wrong context," which is why I don't want to completely dismiss the idea of Red's impulsivity leading him to make unwise decisions. Ultimate Minecart Race is a great example of Red's impulsivity being a strength, and there are plenty of times throughout the series where his impulsivity has gotten him into trouble. I haven’t seen the two most recent AvM episodes yet so I’m not sure what they provide as far as Red’s characterization but I’m sure there’s more there too. But using Red’s impulsivity as a sign that he’s always stupid…doesn’t feel right. His impulsivity helps him as much as it hinders him, and fights are no exception.

how most people write red (at least in the fics i read) hes a little stupid and cant fight real good but he trys so hard and hes good at emotions! how im writing red so far: fuck it, punch the magic wall (me:you, you what?) i punch the weird thing untill it breaks (me does the math in my head: no yeah you would have the strength to do that ok what next?) i bite yellow (me of cucking course)

[maybanksbitch]

Hole || JJ Maybank x Reader

* this is not my gif; all credit goes to the owner.

pairing: jj x reader

mentions: john b, kiara, pope, sarah

prompt: you gave your boyfriend space to sort things out. it wasn’t what you expected.

requested: no

warnings: ANGST, language, violence

a/n: writing angst is too much fun sometimes. so many ideas. they’ve made it clear in the show that jj’s not the boyfriend type so i came up with this.

part two

You made your way down to the HMS Pogue with a cooler wrapped tightly in your fingers. You walked down your rickety dock and smiled at your friends. John B pulled the boat up close as Kiara took your cooler and Pope helped you aboard. You quickly noticed the missing blonde head of hair, feeling a tug at your heart strings.

“Where’s JJ?” John B asked as he steered the boat away from your dock.

You paused. You didn’t know what to say. You had assumed your boyfriend was with them. “I figured he was with you guys,” you forced a tight smile to your lips and sat down beside Kiara at the front of the boat.

Your three friends all shared confused looks. No one knew where he was, and that made you uneasy. You had always trusted JJ, he never gave you a reason not to. This week though, with his absence and odd excuses, you were starting to doubt that trust.

“I’m sure he just got caught up at work,” Kiara tried to be reassuring, giving you a soft smile.

You nodded twice and dropped your head as you dug around in your cooler and pulled out a beer. You handed one to each of your friends and leaned back as the wind whipped your hair. You took a long sip of the bitter liquid and closed your eyes, trying to let your worries slip away.

After picking up Sarah, John B anchored the boat out in the marsh at your favorite swimming spot. It was fairly deep, making the water colder. It was a relief against the harsh rays of the sun.

You watched as Kiara and Pope jumped off the front of the boat together, laughs escaping their lips. Memories flashed in your mind of you and JJ doing the same, hands clasped tightly together. The memory faded quickly when you felt someone nudge you with their knee.

You looked over as Sarah sat down beside you, John B taking a dive after the other two. Water came up and dotted your skin. Goosebumps rose on your arms at the brief chill it brought.

“Are you okay?” the sandy blonde asked, setting her beer in front of her crossed legs.

You pursed you’re lips, eyes drifting out to look over the marsh. You shook your head a bit and shrugged once. “I don’t know,” you answered honestly.

You and JJ were supposed to hang out three different times the last week. Each time, he bailed. Sometimes he didn’t even text you to let you know. You only saw him briefly at the Chateau before he was rushing out, saying he had somewhere to be.

You didn’t understand why he was pushing you away. The time he did it before was because of his dad. Was that it again? He didn’t want you to see the marks Luke left on him? You mind was trying to tell you it was something else, but you shoved that thought back, not wanting to believe it.

“Sometimes I think he doesn’t deserve you,” Sarah stayed blatantly. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at her again. “You’re complete opposites. You’re level headed and compassionate. You trust so easily. You spend your last dime on us without even thinking about yourself,” she continued.

“But seeing you two together, it’s like watching someone find their soulmate. The way you look at each other makes chills run down my spine. I didn’t know two people could fit together so well,” Sarah’s eyes drifted to John B. You could tell she was hoping that they have something like that.

You hummed softly in response, smiling slightly as you watched the three in water splash each other. Sarah nudged you again and your eyes met hers.

“He’ll come around. He always does.”

You nodded, more so trying to convince yourself than the girl beside you. It didn’t work much. The knot you had in your stomach simply tightened.

“Hey, you two! Get in!” John B called from below.

Sarah got up and jumped into the waiting arms of her boyfriend. You stood up with a huff and rid yourself of your jean shorts. You fixed your red bikini and ran a hand through your hair as you walked to the edge of the boat.

You closed your eyes and stepped off, plunging into the cold water. You stayed their for a moment, letting the water encase you. All you could hear was your heart beat drumming in your ears. Your head clear for the first time in a week.

•

You dozed at some point, laid on the boat and letting your skin absorb more sun. You were woken up by Pope who gently shook your shoulder. His tall frame shielded the harsh light from your eyes.

“You hungry?” he asked with a soft smile at your sleepy face.

“Mhm,” you mumbled, smacking your lips and sitting up.

“Good,” John B piped up from behind the wheel. Shooting you a cheeky smile. “Home we go.”

The ride back to the Chateau was fairly quick at the speed John B was going. The sun was starting to set, casting an orange glow over the landscape. The boys secured the boat to the dock as you and the girls clambered off.

You walked up the dock with both yours and Sarah’s coolers in hand, calling behind you, “I’m gonna go put the beer in the fridge!”

“We’ll fire up the grill!” Pope called back.

You walked up through the screened in patio and into your second home. You went over to the fridge and quickly loaded the beers in so they could chill again. You grabbed a few new ones out to take out to your friends when you heard the bathroom door open.

You turned quickly, ready to face your boyfriend but we’re met with a girl. She had fake platinum blonde hair and the t-shirt she was sporting was JJ’s. You knew as soon as you saw it. She had no pants on underneath and her eyebrows were furrowed as she stared at you.

“Who are you?” she asked.

You didn’t know what to do. You just stood there, staring at her, heart pounding against your rib cage.

“Who are you-” JJ’s voice cut off as he stepped out of the spare room in only a pair of gym shorts. His face paled at the sight of you and his eyes went wide. “H-Hey baby! What are you doing here?”

You put the beers in your hands on the counter and made your way quickly to the back door. JJ called behind you and raced after you.

“(Y/N), wait!” JJ shouted as he chased you out of the screen door. “Please, stop!” he tried again.

The second you felt the blonde’s fingers at your wrist, you yanked your arm away and spun to face him. Angry tears ran down your cheeks and your eyes held so much rage that he took a step back.

“This whole time, I’ve been giving you space, thinking you pushed me away because of your dad again. When really, you’ve been sneaking around fucking random girls!” you screamed.

The second you came bursting out of the house, your friend’s attention was on you. John B stepped forward slowly when he heard what you were saying.

“Look, baby, listen,” JJ reaches for you again, voice surprisingly calm for what he’d been caught doing.

“Don’t touch me!” your voice was venomous as you back away from him. “I’m not your fucking baby! I’m not your anything!”

“(Y/N), what happened?” John B asked, hand hesitantly touching your shoulder as you backed into him.

The brunette boy’s question was answered when the girl stepped out onto the porch, calling out to your exboyfriend. You heard Kiara mutter ‘what the fuck’ from behind you. John B’s gaze slowly moved from the girl back to his best friend.

JJ was visibly shaking, eyes falling to the ground when he saw the look on John B’s face. You all knew the blonde surfer had never been the relationship type, but you thought that changed with you. Like Sarah said earlier, they’d never seen two people go together so well.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” John B’s voice was low, directed at JJ. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” he was yelling now.

John B walked towards JJ, hands shoving his chest, causing him to stumble back. Sarah took his place in an instant, turning you into her arms as the two boys started fighting. She didn’t want you to see what was happening but when Pope and Kiara ran towards them you knew it was bad.

“How could you do that to her?!” John B yelled and you heard a fist connect. “In my fucking house! My house, JJ! What were you thinking?!” you heard another punch land.

“John B, John B stop!” you heard Kiara yell.

“JJ, no!” that one was Pope.

Sarah shushed you’re cries and ran a soothing hand over your hair. You felt overwhelmed and the girl’s arms around you only felt suffocating. You wiggled out of her grip and let out a sob.

You couldn’t be there anymore. You needed to leave. Where? You didn’t care. Without looking back, you started running. You ran and ran until you couldn’t hear your friends calling after you anymore.

By the time you stopped, your lungs were on fire. You couldn’t breathe as you collapsed to your knees on the gravel road. You let out painful cries, clutching your stomach as tears rolled down your face like waterfalls. It felt like someone had ripped out your heart and left an empty hole in your chest. A hole that only JJ could fill.

masterlist

[sayonarasanity]

Reverberation

Chapter V

link to AO3

Chapter 1 - 2 - 3 - 4

notes: the song that will be mentioned in this chapter is She's a Rainbow by Lola Marsh and also here is the Spotify link. I highly recommend you to listen to it especially while reading that part. it's truly an incredible song

The first year of high school passed by in the blink of an eye. Between the adjustment of classes, advanced math, and literature, teachers of idiosyncratic character treats and a variety of teens in the class he didn’t even understand the period between September and June. If he was being honest there wasn’t much noteworthy difference between middle school and high school except for the lessons and maybe some physical changes among his peers as well as himself. Save for the height part. Apparently, he wasn’t gifted like that giant Mike or the very sophisticated Erwin Smith.

There was nothing much to do during the summer break. He worked alongside his uncle in the market to at least gain some money and not spend his whole time lying on his bed, sweaty and gasping for a breath while a single leaf on a tree begged for a tiny breeze to make it wiggle. He read some books, watched some TV shows, played soccer with the other boys in class; Mike, Erwin, Oluo, Guther, Eld and even Moblit when or if they were around. Went to the beach with the same squad in addition to girls like Petra, Nifa, Nanaba and Hanji.

Most of his time was spent with Hanji, of course. On the roof, in the attic, in each other’s rooms, sometimes at the library—because the heat didn’t stop Hanji from being a complete nerd—and sometimes she helped him in the market while stuffing his mind with countless  mind-blowing  topics.

And so came the second year of high school.

And it took Hanji only two weeks to be late for the first class in the morning.

“I can’t believe you actually slept in,” Levi told her after she came inside the class during the break, gasping, her face flushed red possibly from running, hair dishevelled and absolutely not  combed,  and sat down on her desk in front of him.

She was trying to adjust her breaths as she turned over to face him. The dispersed, brown strands were covering her face, some of them had stuck on her reddened cheek and forehead. After the not so successful haircut, Levi had given her, she had also gotten bangs. Courtesy of her mother. “I was reading a book last night.”

“And?” He raised a brow.

She pushed the glasses up, and leaned in closer, putting an elbow on top of his desk. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“What kind of book could possibly make you stay awake all night?”

“It’s called The Blind Owl.” She shivered as if a chill had gone through her body. “It was the most disturbing thing I’ve ever read. And the thing is I couldn’t stop reading it because it was also ridiculously intriguing,” she sighed and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. “It cost me my sleep though.”

“That bad, huh?” Levi asked, but it was obvious from the dark circles under her eyes.

“I mean, it wasn’t that bad actually. It was masterfully written for sure. It was just—”

“Disturbing.”

“Yes. There is no other word to explain it.” She ran a hand through her dispersed hair, but her fingers got stuck between the knots. Then she looked at her wrist and groaned frustrated. “I forgot my hair tie.”

One of the things the almost six years of friendship with Hanji had thought him was to collect the items she had a habit of forgetting, mostly in his room. He had a drawer full of her lost, black hair ties. He kept a few on his pencil case or sometimes, like today, he carried one of them on his wrist. “Here,” he said extending it to her.

“What would do without you?” she whined as she took the tie from him.

“You wouldn’t survive a day,” Levi pointed out. It wasn’t even half-joke.

“Agreed,” she nodded. She had finished tying up her hair. Now her face was more on display, the flush on her cheeks was nearly gone. Levi realized that her nape was not covered with the too-short strands that couldn’t make it into her sloppy, little ponytail.

His hand moved instinctively, naturally even. “Your hair has grown long again,” he told her with a frown. And when his fingers touched her bare nape, she winced quite clearly for his frown to get deeper. He retreated his hand upon her reaction.

Her hand held the place he had barely touched seconds ago and when she noticed his expression she laughed. “God, your fingers are cold.”

Levi folded his hand as a fist, pressing his fingertips on his palm to see if his fingers were indeed cold as she had said. His body temperature was low, it was no news to him but at the moment his fingertips was not that cold for her to give such a reaction. Maybe because she had run here it was her body which was unnaturally hot, he reasoned, not really satisfied but he would accept it for the time being.

“Do you want me to cut it?”

“No,” she objected, avoiding his stare. “I’ll use it like this for a while.”

Her hand went on rubbing her neck, it seemed like an almost unintentional, absent-minded motion at this point.

“I made some research,” Hanji said when the silence got a little awkward for their standards. She then looked through her bag with both hands and slammed a wrinkled piece of paper on his desk.

“What’s this?” He examined her inelaborate handwriting but couldn’t understand the overall concept of what was written. Meanwhile, Hanji brought a pen over the page and underlined two words that were written in capital letters.

ROSE and SINA.

“These two are the best universities of the country,” she started to explain. “Both in terms of education and in terms of different opportunities for students. Student clubs are very much active also the campuses are huge.”

Levi had heard of the universities of course. They were named after the cities they were located in. Sina was almost three hours away from their town and Rose was even further in the opposite direction. But they had to leave the town at some point if they wanted to receive a good education. As Hanji had told the two of them were probably their best options and if they manage to keep their grades high enough there was a chance for both of them to make it into the same university. But, which one?

“But?”

“But” she carried the pen over the word Sina and drew a circle around it. “Since Sina is a technical university, I think it is a far better option for us considering the departments we want to study.”

Levi hummed thoughtfully. She did have a point.

“Also,” she continued, eyes glittering. “Great professors like Keith Shadis, Theo Magath and Darius Zackly are teaching there. Imagine the lectures…” she shrieked with excitement and wiggled in her seat. “It’s gonna be so fun!”

Levi shook his head at her quite early thrill and snatched the pencil out of her hand. He drew an arrow to the word Sina and wrote elegantly above: GOAL. “Sina it is then.”

Hanji took the pencil back and while nodding she scratched the word he had just written and instead, bringing the pencil a little to the crosswise she wrote: DREAM.

She looked at him then as if to confirm, with a bright smile on her lips and eyes full of the glitter of the dream she held so close to her heart. It was contagious. Levi felt his lips curling up, and maybe a tiny bit of that lustre in her eyes had reached out to his own. And he thought that maybe it wasn’t that hard after all.

How naïve, a sly, foreign voice whispered in the back of his mind. Little boy, how naïve.

-

“So, what’s going on between you two?”

Hanji lifted her eyebrows upon Nifa’s question and moved her stare to whom the question was directed. Nanaba gulped her bite with seemingly a little more force than necessary and blinked innocently at Nifa. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Nifa wiggled her brows, smirking mischievously at their suffering friend. “You and Mike.”

Petra hid a chuckle behind her hand as Hanji bit her cheek inside to stop her smile from shaping so obviously. They were sitting in the backyard of the school on an arbour for lunch. There was still for about half an hour until their next class and from the looks of it, Nifa had decided to use it for some gossip.

“Nothing,” Nanaba answered nonchalantly then she brought the straw of her peach juice to her mouth and took a very long sip. Hanji didn’t miss the faint blush on her cheekbones. “We’re friends.”

“You’re a little too close for being friends, don’t you think?” Nifa asked with a sweet voice, dropping her chin on top of her intertwined fingers, smiling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Nanaba brushed her off, taking another bite from her sandwich.

“Stop tormenting her, Nifa,” Hanji interrupted just as Nifa was about to say something else. “She can tell us when she feels like it.” Hanji then smirked at a very pissed Nanaba, who was glaring at her so hard Hanji thought she could catch flames just by responding to her stare.

Suddenly, someone dropped something in front of her with a loud “pat” and Hanji looked down, startled, to a packet of chocolate milk, then looked up to a frowning Levi.

“Did you eat?”

“Yep!” Hanji rested her chin on her palm and smiled at him. “Did you?”

He nodded silently and gestured at the milk standing on the wooden table. “You’re gonna pay me back for that later.”

“Stingy,” she murmured as he turned his back to her. Hanji saw the other boys gathered up around a bench a little away from where she and the girls sat. And before Levi went too far away, she shouted behind him, “When shall we meet again?”

He glanced at her above his shoulder. “After school,” he said, flatly.

“Come on, Levi!” She lifted her chin from her palm, disappointed. “You should’ve said “when the hurly-burly is done”, I thought you were better than that!”

He turned his whole body to her this time, walking backwards. A smirk played on one corner of his lips, midday sun caught his eyes, and her heart skipped a beat. “And you should’ve asked, “in thunder, lightning or in rain?” I thought you were better than  that , genius.”

Take him and cut him out in the little stars.

Levi was beautiful. Hanji recalled the day she had first realized it, the faint yellow leaves and the crackling sound of fire. The realization had hit hard, and she couldn’t have understood the reason why right away. It was startling that was for sure but after some thorough and logical consideration, she had decided that it was all about being a teenager.

It was that simple. Thinking a boy was beautiful was natural. Besides, it wasn’t just Levi. Erwin, for instance, was attractive. With a sharp chin, bright, blue eyes and that shiny yellow hair that always looked so soft like cotton. He wasn’t necessarily beautiful though but attractive still, handsome even.

And he will make the face of Heaven so fine.

Levi turned his back to her again and Hanji snorted, opening the straw of her chocolate milk. “He got me bad.”

When she put the straw between her lips for a long sip, she realized the silence that has settled on the table and when she took a glance above her glasses, she saw the three other girls looking at her.

“What?” she asked after gulping.

“What’s with you two?”

“Huh?”

It was Nifa again and this time the question was directed at her. “You and Levi?”

Hanji blinked, trying to reason her question. “What about us?”

“You seem close,” Petra added instead of Nifa. Her hazel eyes curious as she observed Hanji. “Like real close.”

Hanji frowned and pushed her glasses back to their proper place. “We are best friends.” They seriously hadn’t understood it for a year?

“I bet everyone thinks you’re dating,” Nifa said laughing.

Oh? “That’s ridiculous,” Hanji said, shaking her head. “Why would I date my best friend?”

Nifa shrugged, and Petra looked thoughtful. “How long have you been friends?”

Hanji didn’t know why but she felt her stomach curl. “Since we were eleven.”

Petra hummed and the conversation seemed to be over like that. Hanji chewed the plastic stick thoughtfully and with distress, she couldn’t find the reason why. The curl stayed solid in her stomach, sharp and insistent. Absently she noticed that Petra was staring somewhere with a strange expression in her eyes and when Hanji followed her stare, she saw Levi standing in front of the bench the other boys were sitting. Mike who was standing next to him had wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and he looked content, his features relaxed, his black hair looked smooth touching his forehead.

That all the world will be in love with the night.

Goddamn Juliet, she thought bitterly, frowning she took her eyes away from him. Goddamn Shakespeare.

*

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

It was Wednesday afternoon on a nice autumn day. Near them was a tree slowly getting peeled off its leaves, and the clouds were reflecting the orange light the sun created. It was also reflecting on her ginger hair, making it shine almost yellow.

“I, uh…” Petra cleared her throat, squeezed her hair behind her ear as the blush that had appeared on her cheeks gradually became more visible. “This is harder than I expected.”

Levi raised his brows. He had been wondering what Petra wanted to talk to him ever since she asked him if they could meet after school in the backyard this morning. He had found it a little awkward because it had felt like she wanted to talk to him in private and he couldn’t have thought of any reason why she would wish for that.

“You look nervous,” he told her.

“Well, of course, I am,” Petra laughed, not a cheerful one. “I am trying to…”

She let out a sharp breath as if she was angry at herself and she wasn’t looking at him too. Her eyes were scanning their feet, her fingers were fidgeting, brows furrowed.

And Levi was quietly getting an idea about why she wanted to talk to him.

“Just tell me,” He tried to encourage her, feeling his own heartbeat getting faster abruptly.  

Finally, she looked up at him, her cheeks painted crimson and she took a long, deep breath before she said, “Would you like to go to the cinema with me?”

“Oh,” he said.

Not the kind of reaction he should’ve given apparently. Petra bit her lower lip anxiously at first, searching his eyes. He must be pretty shocked for she looked a little discouraged upon his reaction. But within seconds she gathered herself up, her shoulders held high.

“I… liked you since the seventh grade,” she said, the blush spread from her cheeks to her neck, but she continued to be resolute without looking anywhere else than him. “And I thought that there is nothing wrong with asking a boy out if that boy doesn’t seem to be doing it anytime close.”

Levi felt his own cheeks heating up. Admittedly, he had never realized Petra had such feelings for him. “Sorry.”

Petra laughed, somewhat forcefully. “It’s okay,” she gulped, and a weak smile vibrated on her lips. “Just don’t be harsh if you’re gonna say no.”

Levi considered her offer quietly. Petra had always been a good friend and she was a nice person too. Kind, tidy and even funny. She loved painting and drawing and was pretty gifted at them as well. And she smelled fresh, Levi guessed it was because of the softener she used on her clothes, her hair was soft, and her eyes were pretty.

“When do you want to go?”

Said pretty eyes glittered as she beamed at him. For a second, in the back of his mind, he saw a very similar image belonging to another girl with auburn hair and hazel-brown eyes who had a smile that reminded him of the rainbow after rain and sun.

“What about this Friday after school?” Petra asked, excitedly.

“Sure,” Levi responded, trying to smile and ignore the weird feeling in his stomach.

*

When he stepped into the roof, the night was chilly, the sky was full of transparent, quietly moving clouds, the stars were shining behind them, the Wanning Gibbous was hanging low on the horizon, and Hanji was standing on the edge of the roof, her head laid backwards.

Levi didn’t even know if he breathed, his heart jumped to his throat as he threw his schoolbag to the ground and walked closer to her from behind cautiously. “Hanji, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Watching the sky,” she replied, smiling.

Levi felt a muscle move on his jaw; his heart was beating so loud it almost hurt his ears. He focused on adjusting his breaths. In and out. “Don’t be ridiculous. Get back down.”

Hanji shrugged and Levi nearly had a heart attack right then and there. He felt his eyes widen, and his breath hitched. “I feel closer to the clouds like this.”

“Hanji,” he took slow, careful steps towards her. The night breeze was toying with her dispersed hair, her face was tranquil, her eyes never left the sight of the clouds. The smile that was drawn on her lips was unmoving like it was craved there by the hands of a masterful sculptor. And he watched her, his heart still beating fast and loud, his breaths irregular, and his eyes wide, and he thought about—

Stars

how free she looked at that moment like she belonged to the sky, the stars and the moon. As if they shone for her only.

hide your fires.  

Brown hair and brown eyes but Hanji was luminous. She kept the colours hidden, had a brush and a palette ready in her hand. The murky night did nothing but to contrast the light, she had a way with the world which made her stood out among the dullest of sounds and faces. Even on top of a derelict building, she was—

Let not light see—

the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He grabbed her wrist, inhaling hard and thick then he drew her back with a quick move of his arm. Her body turned and crashed against him, and he stumbled backwards a few steps, but he kept his balance, wrapping his arms around her waist securely, without any intention of letting go. He vaguely heard the surprised shriek Hanji made upon his unexpected move. And he half-expected her to push him back, to laugh it off and to say that he was being dramatic again. That nothing was going to happen anyway, it wasn’t like she was going to jump.

Yet instead, her arms circled his neck as she rested her cheek on his head and at that very moment Levi realized that he had never thought of losing her, of what would happen if she were to leave his life. Just like he had never imagined a day without the sun rising. The thought was uninvited and unwelcomed, and it cropped a fear in his heart so profound, he drew a shivering breath in before he buried his face on her neck. Then he pushed that thought deep down to the dungeon in his head never to see daylight again.

“I’m okay, you know,” Hanji spoke after seconds.

“Stupid,” he said, holding her tighter. “Stupid four-eyes.”

“Mm,” she muttered, amused. Then she started to move left and right making him follow her movements as if they were dancing. “I’m going to let all the world know that Levi Ackerman cares for me.”

Levi placed his forehead on her shoulder, pressing hard. “Someone needs to care for your sorry ass, or you’ll drop it down a goddamn building.”

She laughed, and it felt so good to hear it he immediately craved the sound soon as it faded away. Hanji stopped moving afterwards, then put her hands on his shoulder to push him slightly back. He withdrew reluctantly but kept his hands on either side of her waist not ready to let go just yet.

Her eyes were somewhat misty as she watched him, as the sharp peak of a mountain lost behind a grey fog. Levi frowned at her, searching for a sturdy branch to hold and to obtain some kind of a clue about what she was thinking. He came back empty-handed, and Hanji snapped out of it soon after, smiling at him brightly and warm. Her hair was all over her face, her glasses were askew, and he brought a hand up to fix them.

Then he flicked her forehead instead.

“Ouch!” She exclaimed, touching the slightly damaged skin.

“That was for almost giving me a heart attack,” Levi said nonchalantly and walked past her to grab his schoolbag. Then he sat down, bag between his legs as he searched for the snacks he bought after school.

“Geez, I’m sorry,” Hanji muttered as she placed herself next to him. “But you were just being dramatic. I wasn’t going to jump anyway.”

*

So, here was the thing, he needed to tell Hanji.

But he didn’t know how. Through all those years they had been friends, there had never been a secret among them. He knew everything about her. From the fact that she had fed a frog in her room when she was only seven without telling neither of her parents and how she accidentally killed the poor animal by forgetting to feed it properly. And to the very first crush, she secretly had on a boy who didn’t even know who she was when she was ten. Each and every detail in between had been craved in his head, everything about her was a book he had learnt by heart, and he knew that for her it was the same.

He didn’t understand why he was so unwilling now about telling her about Petra. Frankly, he was going to tell her yesterday but when he saw her standing on the edge of the goddamn roof, he had forgotten all about it in a second. Thursday, which was today, he couldn’t have found a chance to talk to her alone and tomorrow was Friday. And he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do.

Levi traced the shadows on the ceiling with his eyes, lying on his bed. It was near eleven pm but he didn’t have any sleep. Should he call Hanji? But no. It wasn’t something he could tell on the phone. It would be absurd and out of nowhere—

His phone started to vibrate on the bedside table.

He jumped a little, surprised at hearing a sound other than the voices in his head then stared at the phone for a while until he decided that it was going to ring till he opened it. And so, he did.

“I thought you had fallen asleep,” Hanji spoke before him as he lied back down, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“I was trying to,” he lied.

“Oh, sorry,” she apologized without sounding a bit sincere. “But this is more important than your sleep so…”

He raised a brow. “What did you learn again?”

“A lot of things. But that is not the reason why I called.” Levi heard some clatter he guessed it was the pressing of the computer keys. “I found a new song.”

He exhaled, wearily. “Seriously?”

“Wait before you judge,” she said. “Do you remember the time when you said, this is going to sound weird but, I was a rainbow?”

“No.”

“I hate you,” she said, darkly. “It was our first time in the attic. I had told you about –”

“I know, Hanji.” He rolled his eyes. “Of course, I remember.”

She grunted and said some things he couldn’t quite pick clearly under her breath. “You don’t really deserve this but since I’m a nice person I’ll let you listen to it.”

He snorted, lips curling on the corners, and he waited for the song to start. And not long after, he heard the first notes, then a soft voice of a woman followed. He also heard Hanji accompanying quietly behind, murmuring the lyrics alongside. Then he closed his eyes to focus on the song properly.

Dearest, I'm broken

My body is unspoken

How could I be loved?

Wake up in the morning

Feeling uncertain

Like a burning old scar

For I remember

The joy I’ve had as a child

Various colours I’m hiding inside

She’s a rainbow

And I am

A difficult man

It was as if the song, the lyrics, the notes, the singer’s voice were each had little hooks, they captured his soul relentlessly. He felt captive, unable to move. The song made him feel way too many things, with an intensity that nearly choke him as he lied there. His throat felt tight, even after the song ended, notes faded, and all he could hear was Hanji’s regular breaths a complete opposite of how his heart pounded at the moment.

“So?” She asked when he was unable to speak. “What do you think?”

Levi cleared his throat, he needed to talk dammit. “It was nice.”

“Just nice?” She didn’t sound pleased at his response. “But you have to listen to it every day Levi so that you wouldn’t forget me.”

“Forget you?” Was she kidding?

“We don’t know where life would take us,” Hanji told him, her voice calm now. “It’s the reality of the world. I’m just guarantying myself.”

Oh, so she didn’t know? That no matter where life carried him, no matter how high and wild the waves would be it would change nothing. The sun would rise from the west, and all the world would crumble, melt and disappear. But he wouldn’t forget her.

“What if you forget me?” Levi redirected the question to her, wondering her answer.

“I wouldn’t,” she said, not hesitating.

“How do you know?”

“If I’m a rainbow then that would make you the sky, remember?” Some distinct shuffling came to his ears, and he imagined her lying on her side, the phone still on speaker resting on top of her pillow. “Whenever I look up at the sky, I will think about you.”

“Sappy,” he whispered, ignoring the aftershock her words caused.

She chuckled in response and yawned loudly. “Only for you, clean-freak.”

*

Friday after the last class ended Hanji gathered up her things quickly. It had been an incredibly long and tiring week. She couldn’t wait to spend some time with Levi on the roof, just talking about things that didn’t matter, things that were easy to speak of because they were still young and had years ahead to take them seriously.

She waited for Levi outside, leaning against the school building as he went to the bathroom. She busied herself with observing the exhausted students leaving the school borders, chattering between themselves. It was getting chilly and the black denim jacket she was wearing didn’t do a good job at protecting her. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater to her palms to at least cover her hands. She spotted Petra a few inches away from where she was standing. She was walking back and forth, fiddling with a piece of paper she held in her hands. Hanji found it a little strange but shrugged, deciding it wasn’t her business.

Finally, among the rain of students that walked through the school gate, Levi appeared. His face and some parts of his hair damp, indicating that he had just washed his face.

“Feeling refreshed enough?” Hanji asked, smirking.

“Yeah,” Levi murmured, and he looked around briefly.

“Come on,” Hanji pushed herself up from the wall. “Let’s go. We better grab something to eat on the way. I’m starving.”

She had taken only a few steps when she heard Levi calling out to her quietly. “Hanji.”

“Mm?”

He appeared to be uneasy as he looked at her, brows knitted, and lips pressed. Curiosity rose within her swiftly as she expected the words he was about to say.

“I can’t come to the roof with you today.”

Of all the things she thought about that was the least, she had expected to hear. Her stomach started to burn again, and she imagined a cauldron inside. Burning so fiercely and it never promised anything good. “Why?” Hanji asked, sounding just as surprised as she possibly looked.

Levi’s eyes moved to somewhere above her shoulder. She wanted to trace his stare but was too busy observing his expression, a little anxious, tense and what? Embarrassed? But why?

“Levi?”

“I… am going to the cinema,” he blurted eventually, his eyes finding her again. “With Petra.”

Cinema… with Petra?

“As a date?” She sounded bewildered again as if she couldn’t believe her ears. It wasn’t something to be that surprised about considering their age, hormones and everything. But it was Levi. Levi… It had always been the two of them, now imagining him spending time alone with someone else—she hadn’t prepared herself for that.

“I guess,” Levi rubbed his neck. Oh, he was shy about it too? Was he excited, was he looking forward to it? Was he going to hold her hand as he held hers? Did he even  like  her? When had this thing happened anyway?

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He seemed guilty, and he should be too. They were best friends for a reason. If she wasn’t going to be the first one to know about his first  date, what was the point to it?

“It happened just this Wednesday. I couldn’t find a proper time—”

“This Wednesday?” She tried not to reflect her disappointment in her voice. “It was two days ago, mind you. You had plenty of time.”

“Hanji—”

“Did you ask her out?” Hanji went on, not giving him any chance to speak. “How long have you liked her?”

“It’s not—” He frowned, his jaw tightened, and a blaze came to life in his eyes. “She asked me.”

“Oh? How brave!” She felt like laughing and somewhere deep inside she knew that she was exaggerating, that she should be happy for him instead. Yet the disappointment was much heavier, and it stood out so blatantly, so arrogantly that it didn’t give her any time to think reasonably.  

“Hanji, don’t.” He stepped forward but she withdrew in an instant.

“Have a nice date,” she said, and she failed at hiding the sarcasm behind. And she thought she saw a flickering of hurt in his eyes but didn’t stay long enough to acknowledge it. With a final look she gave to a confused Petra, she walked out of school. And the cauldron bubbled, bubbled and it burned, and it hurt. Then Hanji wished it would turn the wildflower to ashes to its roots so that it wouldn’t spring again. Wishful thinking it was because the wildflower was already the reason why the flames come alive in the first place.

*

Hanji didn’t quite remember when or how but she was sitting on the swing on the park near Levi’s house, the park they had buried the dead bird all those years ago. Strange how the years passed. She felt old for some reason despite the fact that she was only sixteen and life hadn’t even started for her yet. But she yearned for that little girl now, playing snowball fight with a boy who drank a little too much tea and swore a little too much for their age. Then she cursed at herself for being so frail, for letting her emotions draw the road she would walk.

The streetlamp near the park had a weak light. It trembled from time to time, squeaking as if it was at death’s door. She pondered it was a good metaphor as to how she felt now. Exaggerating? Maybe. But Levi had become such a constant in her life, it felt like the time Jack had crashed her glasses. She remembered how blurry everything seemed and how dizzy she had felt.

“Hanji?”

She blinked and following the voice she lifted her eyes up from the ground. It was Erwin, standing in front of her, with a curious expression painted on his face. What was he doing here?

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Hanji shook her head, realizing that she had been blinking at Erwin absently. Then nodded, voicing a half-hearted chuckle. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

He sat down on the swing next to her, dropping his school bag on the ground. It was a funny sight. A boy of Erwin’s age and height sitting on a child swing. His legs were much too long for that, but he used them to move back and forth slowly.

“I was just passing by,” he said, shrugging. “What are you doing here alone? Where’s Levi?”

She didn’t need to be reminded of the fact that whenever someone saw one of them alone, they immediately wondered where the other was.  I am acting like a child.  Then she started to move back and forth herself, holding the chains on either side. “He is on a date,” she informed Erwin. “With Petra.”

Then the movements of her legs fastened to the point where she had to curl them so that they wouldn’t slow her down. She used her body against the wind, it ruffled her hair, and her hair blocked her vision. And she thought about Levi who was with Petra and Petra who was kind and pretty. Petra who had shiny hair which was always combed and tidy. Petra who was funny and nice and—

“Hanji!”

Ah, her vision was blurry. Had she dropped her glasses again?

“Hey, slow down!”

She couldn’t slow down but someone, Erwin, she remembered, made her. He was holding the sides of the swing, kneeling down in front of her, he looked into her eyes. Hanji noticed his eyes were a different kind of blue not so fierce like the winter ocean, but kind and worried at the moment. Yellow, thick eyebrows knitted, “Are you okay?” Erwin asked.

It was the second time he had asked the same question and it confused her a bit. Did she look that bad? “Yeah,” she confirmed. Her voice came out cracked.

Then Erwin reached out with his hand. Hanji waited silently as he wiped her cheek with his thumb and under her chin with his knuckles. His hand shone under the shrieking light of the streetlamp when he withdrew it, with tears, she realized with a startle. She lifted her hand then, her eyes wide and touched her damp cheek.

“I can walk you home if you’d like,” Erwin offered with a voice so gentle Hanji thought she hated it. Hated because she didn’t want pity when she was the one that had brought this upon herself.

She blinked at her wet fingers, her sight getting blurry again and used her other hand to adjust her glasses.  She could walk herself home, and she opened her mouth to say that much to Erwin. But words betrayed her half-way and what came out was, “I’d appreciate that,” instead, as she accepted, silently. “Thank you.”

[topsytervy]

Not The Right Time ~ JJ Maybank

Blurb: JJ has a thing for you. Unfortunatley, it just isn't the right time.

Word count: 1,929 (give or take. did some last minute editing)

Warnings: mention of cheating, drinking, drug use (weed), swearing, not proofread so probably spelling mistakes, I think that's it.

Quick rundown because I have more of these than usual cause this one is slightly more descriptive of the reader (aka you): s/c = skin color, e/c = eye color, h/l = hair length, h/c = hair color, h/t = hair type (curly, straight, etc...)

Me somehow breaking out of my Rafe phase for a minute to write something JJ related? Yes, I am just as surprised as you are.

~~~~~~

JJ lounged in the hammock in the backyard, drinking his third beer of the night with a book next to him. This was a routine for him at this point. While you were out with your boyfriend, he went into the backyard to drink away his sorrows and stayed up until you got home to make sure you actually got home.

The nights when you texted him that you wouldn't be coming home, opting to stay at your boyfriends instead, were the worst for him.

If you asked JJ, your boyfriend was an asshole. He never liked him and probably never would. However, you were his best friend and roommate since you both graduated from high school so whatever made you happy was fine by him.

It just sucked that he wasn't the one who made you happy the way your boyfriend did.

JJ often found himself mesmerized by your beauty. Your beautiful (s/c) skin and (e/c) eyes often entranced him which usually caused you to nudge him.

"You good?" You'd ask.

"Absolutely peachy." He'd grin.

After all, How could he not be peachy with you around?

He noticed the way you'd play with your (h/l) (h/c) (h/t) hair mindlessly when you'd be focused on a movie or the way you picked at the skin around your nails when you got nervous.

JJ sighed as he crushed his now empty beer can and reached for another that sat in the cooler next to the hammock.

"Woe is me," he whispered, popping the tab of the new can.

He brought the can to his lips but pulled it away when he heard the front door open and close which caused a confused expression to cross his face.

He didn't hear a car pull up and drop you off like usual since your boyfriend often picked you up.

"Y/N!" He called, hoping that you'd hear him and that it was actually you and not an intruder.

He grew quiet as he heard faint footsteps from inside and the sliding glass door slide open.

"Yeah, it's me." You answered.

Your voice was barely above a whisper which caused JJ to turn his head to face you.

"Come join me for a drink." He waved you over, not being able to make out your face in the darkness.

You shuffled closer to JJ and the faint glow from the solar lights you guys had casted upon your face. JJs face dropped at the sight of yours.

"Oh my god. Y/N," JJ immediately dropped his can on the ground.

The contents spilled onto the grass as he took in your appearance.

You eyes were red from crying, black smudges of mascara on your face and your nose was slightly red, more than likely from the irritation of you constantly wiping it on your sleeve.

"What happened sweetheart?" He asked as he pulled you into the hammock.

"He's been cheating on me." You whispered, your voice hoarse as you laid on him.

He took in a sharp breath and his arms tightened around you. "How do you know?"

"He left his phone at the table when he went to the bathroom and I answered it. Before I could say anything a woman's voice came through and said hey baby. When I suggested she had the wrong number since this was my boyfriends phone, she said no this is Brett's number and that's when I knew."

JJ rubbed your back and kissed the top of your head.

"I am so sorry Y/N." He whispered.

You shrugged, feeling numb.

It was quiet for a few minutes before you noticed the book next to him. "Whatcha reading?"

JJ took an arm from around you and grabbed his book.

"A book of Edgar Allan Poe's works." He answered.

"Can you read to me?" 

JJ nodded as he opened the book. "Want me to start from the beginning?" 

"You can if you want." 

JJ flipped to the first page. "The Cask of Amontillado." He began as you made yourself comfortable.

After half an hour, JJ stopped and looked at you. Your eyes were closed and your mouth was slightly open. JJ smiled as he made himself comfortable in the hammock. You looked so peaceful and he wasn't about to risk waking you up just to try to get you in your bed. 

He wrapped his arms around you and closed his eyes, letting sleep take over.

******

The next morning, you woke up with a small headache and placed your head in your hands.

"Hey, I made you scrambled eggs with cheese and those ham cubes you like along with some bacon." 

Your head turned towards the voice and you saw JJ walking over with two plates of food, setting them on the patio table that was placed a few feet away from the hammock. 

JJ walked back inside as you stood up and walked over to your breakfast. You stretched as JJ came back with a bottle of apple juice for you and a beer for himself, pulling out his chair before sitting down.

"I was thinking since neither of us work today, we could steal the HMS Pogue from John B and go out on the marsh. Just the two of us. smoke some weed, drink some beer. You know, the usual." The blonde suggested, popping a piece of bacon into his mouth as he did. "Hell, maybe even just stay out there the entire night. We'll pack plenty of food.“ 

You stayed quiet and forked some eggs into your mouth before reaching for your apple juice, attempting to open it. After a few unsuccessful attempts, JJ held out his hand and you gave the bottle to him. He opened it with ease and gave you the bottle back. You took a drink before returning to your food.

Technically, he wouldn't be taking the pogue without John B's permission. He had talked to John B about taking it after a call this morning, telling him what had happened. John B had said the boat was all his for the day and all JJ had to do was to let him know when JJ was planning on confronting Brett so he could get a few punches in.

"So…me, you, and the Pogue out on the marsh?" JJ asked again.

You sighed. " I don't know, J. "

"Okay, I know that last night was rough and I'm 100% sure Brett will get what's coming to him, but today is about making you feel better and I know theres nothing you like more than chilling in the middle of the marsh with a joint in one hand and a beer in the other, maybe some swimming beforehand." He saw you thinking about it and knew you were leaning towards yes so he drove it home. "Plus you like sleeping under the stars and you're always napping on the boat. Why not combine them?" 

You bit your lip, the idea tantalizing.

You nodded. "Okay but don't be all mad cause I'm all mopey." 

"I won't. I'll be fishing while getting high with my best friend." 

" I thought JB was your best friend?" You smirked.

JJ placed a finger to his lips and sent you a wink. "Shh. Our little secret." 

****

You sat on the blanket-covered floor of the HMS Pogue, a joint being passed between you and JJ as you sipped on a beer and ate the abundance of food JJ had brought with.

It was hours later, darkness had fallen and the stars had come out.  JJ had stopped at The Wreck to order a shit ton of food before you took the Pogue out and paid for it all despite you offering to pitch in for half.

"Oh no no no. Rule #1 of friends supporting a friend whos been broken up with: the one who has gone through the break-up doesnt pay for anything the day after."

"Oh yeah? Who made that dumbass rule Maybank?" You crossed your arms, eyebrows raised.

"Uh, I will have you know JJ Maybanks Rules To Help A Friend Through Heartbreak is a number one best seller." JJ shot qt you.

"Oh yeah. I bet that that fake ass book is raking in all the fake ass dough and your signing plenty of fake ass boobs at your fake ass book signing." You nodded.

"Actually, the fake ass bookstore that is holding my fake ass book signing doesn't allow boob autographs. Something about it being inappropriate apparently." He grinned.

You took a bite of your sandwich as you passed the joint to JJ. 

"You know what JJ?"

He hummed in response as he took a hit off the joint.

"This was really nice and I had a really great time today." You grinned.

JJ smiled, happy that the smile was back on your face. " I'm really glad Y/N/N. You know you deserve this, right?" 

You shrugged, taking a sip of your beer before taking the joint back from the blonde.

"I'm serious, Y/N. You deserve this and way more. You deserve someone who can give you everything you need and want." JJ scooted closer to you.

"If I deserve everything like you say I do, J, then why wasn't I good enough for Brett." you whispered.

JJ took the joint from your hand and placed it in the ashtray he had set on the floor before moving next to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulders, pulling your body into his side.

"It's not that you weren't good enough for Brett, Brett wasn't good enough for you. He's a damn fool for letting you go. I've heard Kooks like Topper talking about how bad they want to date you. If a Kook wants to date you, a pogue who hangs out with me who every Kook hates, that means you're a pretty remarkable person." JJ told you.

You felt yourself smile at his words. "You always know what to say, J. Sometimes, I wonder why you haven't used that intelligent brain of yours to woo yourself a girIfriend."

 JJ scoffed at your words.

"I'm serious JJ. You are so much smarter than you think you are. Both streetwise and bookwise. You read me Edgar Allan Poe last night as if it was your first language and didn't even stop to ask me what any words meant like you usually do around the others. You shouldn't hide your smarts, J. Smart you is way sexier than dumb you." JJ felt himself blush and you ruffled his hair as you turned your body to face his. "I wish you let everyone else see the JJ Maybank I see."

JJ sighed. "I don't woo any girls with my words cause it's either not the right time or not the right girl." 

"Come on JJ. You're 20 years old and you mean to tell you haven't met one girl you didn't want to be in a long term relationship with?" You asked through a mouthful of sandwich, hand covering your mouth.

"I never said that." 

your eyes widened as you swallowed your food and took a swig from your beer. "You like someone right now!" JJ rolled his eyes. " Oh my God. Maybank, spill! What's stopping you from going after her?"

JJ took the blunt from the ashtray and took a long slow drag before turning his blue eyes onto your e/c ones. "Like I said, not the right time. I have to wait until I think she's ready for a relationship."

~~~~~~ 

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander | Chapter 19

A/N:  IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY BITCHES!!!!!

February 14th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was packing her tote bag.  

Thankfully, the team had Valentine’s Day off.  Over the past few weeks she’d heard the guys talking about their plans with their wives or girlfriends.  John and Aryne were getting John’s parents to watch Jace while they went for dinner in Yorkville.  Morgan was bringing Bee to Alo for dinner, in his crutches and all – he wasn’t letting his injury stop him.  Jason was going to buy his girls each a bouquet of flowers and have a special night in with them and Jennifer.  It all sounded very sweet, and she was happy that, after missing New Year’s with their families, they were at least able to have Valentine’s Day together.  

Evan was coming over tonight and Kasha was cooking him a romantic dinner, so Aberdeen had decided she was going to camp out at her local Starbucks with her laptop and notebooks and work on her writing.  It was when she was almost finished packing her tote bag did a text come through on her phone. 

can u be ready in 15 mins?

Between William and Brendan, she’d just about had it with hockey players telling her to get ready in an absurdly short amount of time.

Why?

did u really think we wouldn’t celebrate valentines minskatt?

She almost dropped her phone on the floor.  She had no clue what he was thinking.  Clearly he wasn’t.

I don’t know what the custom in Sweden is, but usually you tell a girl if you’re going out on Valentine’s Day so she can look pretty

what’s the fun in that when i can surprise u with something plus u always look pretty its impossible for u not to

What if I already made plans?

Less than ten seconds later, her phone began ringing.  She snorted before she picked up.  “Hi.”

“You don’t really have plans, do you?” he asked, worry in his voice.

She looked at her notebook sitting on her bed, the one she was supposed to have packed into her tote bag before leaving for Starbucks.  Where she should be drinking coffee and writing.  Exactly like the stereotype.  “Evan’s coming over.  I was supposed to go to Starbucks and write,” she informed him.

William knew how seriously Aberdeen took her writing ever since she’d read a lot of it to him during their days alone during the All-Star Break, so he was genuinely worried.  “Do you think you can spare a few hours for a Valentine’s Day date?  I’m like two minutes from your place,” he said.  “But, uh, no pressure.  I mean if you want to write, you can go write.”

Aberdeen smiled, though she couldn’t see him.  His anxiety was a bit cute, she had to admit.  This was the first time in her life, she thought, that she made a boy nervous.  The last time she’d tried to use writing as an excuse not to go out, Zane got annoyed and pouty and forced her out to his friend’s birthday party where she had the worst time.  “I’ll meet you downstairs,” she said quickly before hanging up.

By the time the elevator took her down to the lobby, she saw William’s Volvo already waiting for her in front of the lobby doors.  She slipped into the passenger’s seat quickly, closing the door and immediately noticing how already hot and cozy it was in the car.  She looked over to William.  “Hi,” she smiled shyly.

“Hi minskatt,” he smiled too, a soft, confident smile on his face.  “You look beautiful.”

“Stop trying to butter me up.”

He leaned over the centre console and placed a kiss on her lips.  It was supposed to be chaste – supposed to be – but he should have known better, because once his lips were on hers it was endgame for him, and he kept kissing her and deepening the kiss for as long as she’d let him.  When she pulled away, she was smiling.  “Where are we going?” she asked.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Willy.”

He reached over and grabbed her hand, pulling it over to his lap.  “You’ll see, minskatt.”

Aberdeen digressed.  He put his car into drive and turned the corner to rejoin Adelaide Street.  He grabbed his phone carefully from the cupholder and handed it to her.  “Want to play some music?” he asked.  

Aberdeen arched her brow.  She took the phone from his hands and began scrolling through his Spotify.  During the All-Star Break, she’d added more songs to his “Minskatt” playlist, and they’d listened it as they sat around the apartment, or cooked, or did whatever it was they did for those three days – which was basically just eat and have sex.  She noticed a couple of songs had been added by him since then, too: ‘Ageless Beauty’ by Stars, ‘Cold Feet’ by Loud Luxury, ‘Honest’ by The Band CAMINO.  They all suited her and her taste in music so well.

But she had ulterior motives.

William waited patiently for a song to begin as he drove through the streets.  Every time he glanced over at Aberdeen, he saw her smirk getting bigger and bigger.  “What are you up to over there?” he asked.  “Are you destroying the playlist again?”

Aberdeen giggled and tapped the screen dramatically.  She waited.

When the opening notes of ‘Passionfruit’ began to play, William’s jaw dropped dramatically as Aberdeen burst into a fit of laughter at his reaction.  “What the hell is this?!” he demanded playfully.  “You roast me about my choice and now you play it?!”

“I never said it was a bad song,” she said through giggles.

“You are something else,” he said, pausing dramatically between the two words as he reached over and tried to pinch her on her thigh playfully.  She yelped but continued to laugh, grabbing his hand and holding it hers, like she was holding a baby bird.  “No extra meatball for you.”

Her eyes lit up at the mention of a meatball.  “Sugo meatballs?”

“No,” he shook his head, bringing his car to a stop at the red light.  He looked over at her.  “San Remo Bakery meatballs.”

She gasped dramatically.  “Willy, we’re going to San Remo?”

“Mhm,” he nodded his head.  The famous bakery in Etobicoke clearly had her heart, and he knew it would.  It was the first thing he thought of when he was planning tonight.  “You’re gonna get us whatever’s good and we’re gonna eat.”

Aberdeen wiggled excitedly in her seat.  She controlled the playlist and songs as William made his way to Etobicoke the long way – aka, not taking the highway.  He was perfectly content with taking King Street and The Queensway the entire way there while maintaining easy, fun, and interesting conversation with Aberdeen, who was suddenly full of stories of other Etobicoke establishments she’d haunt during her high school days.  She told stories of she and her friends packing themselves into a car to drive to San Remo Bakery in grade 12, making it back just in time for their afternoon class but smelling like freshly baked bread in the process.  She told stories of running through the streets of The Kingsway neighbourhood throughout university when she would go on jogs to clear her head.  She told stories of hiking along the Humber Marshes with her dad and traditional afternoon tea at the Old Mill with her mom and taking the subway back home to Royal York station after nights out with her friends in university.  She’d memorized the train schedule and knew that the last train going westbound left at 1:52am.  For all that she went out, she’d only ended up taking a taxi back home three times.

After every story, William would kiss her hand.  

When they were on Royal York Road, Aberdeen became silent as she looked at all the storefronts on the way to the bakery.  The sun was just starting to set, and even though it was the dead of winter in Canada, the night was clear and crisp, the sky starting to light up a mixed shade of orange and pink.  She looked over at William, his eyes illuminated by the setting sun.  For all her thinking half the time that he was so perfect she didn’t think he was real, she was reminded of his status by the beanie he was wearing on top of his head, the Maple Leafs logo glaring back at her.  

He pulled the car over to the curb right in front of the bakery.  Aberdeen could see inside, and it was pretty busy – like it usually was.  She looked at him again.  “Do you get recognized a lot when you’re out and about in the city?” she asked.

William shrugged.  “Enough.”

She looked between him and the busy bakery again, biting her lip.  “Then how about I go in and bring the food back,” she said sheepishly.  “That way it’s not…I mean we’re not seen toget—”

“I understand, Aberdeen.  It’s okay,” he said, kissing her hand.  

“I’m sorry we can’t, like, eat it inside or whatever,” she said sheepishly, knowing that it was because of her anxieties about being caught that they couldn’t be seen in public together.  Sometimes she wondered if he had the same, although she doubted it.  He was an extremely private person and didn’t let the media know about one iota of his life or who he really was as a person, but he was so carefree with her that she wondered if he let his guard down because his love for her blinded him or something.  

“Hey…” he said, leaning over the centre console again so he could give her a soft kiss.  “It’s fine.  I’m just happy to be spending the night with you.  Now go.”

Aberdeen came back with a feast.  A giant slice of lasagna (for him), gnocchi in a rosé sauce (for her, her absolute favourite), and two sfoglio cannolis.  When she got back in the car, bag filled to the brim, William was smiling.  The smell of all the food instantly filled the car and he almost melted right then and there.  “God, that smells fucking incredible,” he said.  “Alright, next stop.”

“What’s the next stop?”

“You’ll see.”

Aberdeen rolled her eyes again.  She didn’t have to wait long, though, because within minutes – seriously, the food was still steaming – they’d arrived at Prince of Wales Park, a small park on the edge of the lake with an amazing and underrated lookout towards the Toronto skyline.  The park was empty, with it being the middle of winter, and so was the small parking lot.  William parked right at the end, facing the skyline as the sun set over the city.  

Aberdeen and William looked at each other at the same time once he put his car in park, turning off the engine but leaving the heating on.  “You were planning to eat in the car anyway, weren’t you?” she asked.  

“Maybe,” he smiled mischievously.  

She took out the food.  William audibly moaned as he took his first bite of lasagna.  Aberdeen lay her back against the door as she forked some gnocchi into her mouth, sighing at the taste.  Between mouthfuls of gnocchi and lasagna and feeding each other little bits to taste, William began to speak, unprompted, just like she had on the way to the bakery.  He spoke about growing up with his big family in Sweden and the United States, going back and forth every year.  He spoke about skating on rollerblades in his backyard and hitting the corner of a barbecue while his dad chased him and needing three stitches.  He spoke about his mom cooking traditional Swedish dishes and his dad being the master of pickled herring.  He spoke about hockey and being drafted and moving to Toronto at eighteen.  He spoke about having to leave his friends in Sweden but being able to see them every summer.  He spoke about how much she would love Sweden, how he wanted to bring her there, how he wanted to show her their family place in Stockholm but also their secluded country house. 

After every subject change, she’d lean in and kiss him, and he’d taste like lasagna and she’d taste like gnocchi and it was all just perfect.  

When they finished the food, and had washed everything down with some water and put the empty containers back in the bag that Aberdeen tied up and placed at her feet, she looked at William once more.  Although everything was sweet, and perfect, and lovely, and everything she would have wanted out of a Valentine’s Day date, the fact of the matter was they’d just had dinner in a car.  Alone.  Because they couldn’t spend it in a restaurant together.  Because they were together, but they couldn’t be together – out in the open, at least.

“Hey Willy?” her voice was sheepish, her mouth speaking before her brain could tell her not to.

“Minskatt?”

“You uh, you know how we’re keeping all this a secret?  Like nobody on the team knows we slept together last June, and nobody in the world knows we’re sleeping together now, and the guys on the team think it’s all like…I don’t know, like you having a harmless crush on me or whatever?” she rambled.

“Yes…” William was unsure of where she was going with this.  

“So, um…what are we, then?”

He stayed quiet for a moment.  “What do you want to be?” he asked.  

“Nuh-uh.  I’m not making the executive decision here,” she shook her head.  “Either we make a decision together or that’s it.  We need to define what this is because right now we’re in this weird friends-with-benefits stage even though we’ve already said I love you—”

“I want you to be my girlfriend,” he blurted out, interrupting her.  “I thought…I mean, I’ve wanted you to be my girlfriend since the elevator.  I thought you knew that.”

She had a hunch, but she needed it confirmed by him out loud so she knew her mind wasn’t playing games with her.  “So…so we’re going to do this, then?” she asked timidly.

“Do you want to do this?” he asked, making sure.  “Because you already know my answer.  I think you’ve known it this whole time, you just hesitate to accept it because your judgement is clouded by the fact that we have to sneak around to love one another and be together.”

For Aberdeen, the answer was easy.  It was wrong, and it was immoral, and it was a blatant disregard of the rules she needed to follow professionally and the rules she should be following societally, but it was easy.  “Yes.  I want to do this.  You’re my boyfriend.”

“Then you’re my girlfriend,” William smiled.

“We have a bit of a problem though.”

“Besides the fact that this is against every company policy known to mankind and completely inappropriate?” he asked.  It made Aberdeen giggle.  “What’s the other problem?”

“Valentine’s Day can’t be our anniversary.  It’s too corny.”

William giggled.  He grabbed her hand and kissed it before he held it in his lap, his thumb gliding over her backhand tenderly.  “When’s our anniversary then, minskatt?”

Aberdeen thought for a few moments before she came to a conclusion.  “January 9th.”

William knew the exact date she was talking about and knew why she would choose that date to be their anniversary.  “Alright then.  January 9th it is.”

Aberdeen smiled, leaning back into the door, satisfied.  They had an anniversary.  They were official.  They were on the same page, regardless of whether or not they liked that page – that page being not being able to share their relationship with anyone or anything.    It wasn’t the best page.  But they both knew there were better pages ahead.  

A secret only they knew.

“What’re you thinking about?” William asked softly.  

“You,” she replied.  He smiled.  “C’mere,” she beckoned.  

“Come where?”

She abruptly opened the door, slipping out of the passenger seat and instead moving to the backseat.  William watched as she did so, slipping out himself when he realized what she was doing.  Once they found each other in the backseat, Aberdeen climbed on top of him and straddled his lap.  “You’re being very bold, minskatt,” William smiled.  

“Count your blessings,” she winked before leaning in and crashing her lips against his.  He reciprocated readily, however ‘shocked’ he was by her bold actions.  He was just as hungry for her as she was for him, and his actions showed that: his hands wandering along her thighs, grabbing at her waist; his tongue down her throat, biting her bottom lip.  They kissed so much their lips were red and swollen; kissed so much they were fogging up the windows.

Layers.  There were too many layers of clothing.  It was winter, so they both knew there would be, but it made things annoying.  They’d taken their jackets off long ago – William had his off when Aberdeen got in the car, and she’d taken hers off soon after, not bothering to put it back on when she ran in and out of San Remo Bakery – but now there was William t-shirt and hoodie to worry about, and Aberdeen’s sweater, and…

Aberdeen felt William’s hands go underneath her sweater and shivered.

“You alright, minskatt?” William asked as he felt her body shake at his touch.  

Aberdeen nodded.  She began kissing him again, grinding her hips against his lap, causing him to groan.  His hands kept traveling higher and higher against her bare skin until he reached her bra.  Aberdeen helped take off her sweater.  William took his off, too.  She could feel how hard she was getting as she grinded more in his lap, pressing her bare skin onto his and feeling his body heat.  Eventually, he pushed her bra straps down, kissing his way down to her breasts before taking a nipple on his mouth.  Aberdeen threw her head back.  “Willy…” she sighed out, the feeling of his tongue flicking against her nipple making her shiver again.  He switched to the other breast.  “Oh, Willy…” she began to pant harder.

She dropped her hands in between them.  

As Aberdeen stuck her hand down his pants, William stopped.  “Ab—Aberdeen—”

“Willy please tell me you have a condom somewhere.”

He huffed, looking nervous.  “I d…I don’t think I do—”

“What?”

“I wasn’t expecting this, minskatt.  I swear.”  Okay, so they couldn’t have sex.  But they could still have fun, she thought immediately, because there was no way she was going to stop now.  She was too far gone.  “If you want to stop I underst—”

“We are not stopping,” Aberdeen said firmly.  “I’m—I—help me pull your pants down.”

She started on her own, eagerly, but William helped.  She saw how hard his member was and grabbed it.  She noticed William’s sharp intake of breath.  She began to stroke him, looking him straight in the eye.  “D’you like that?”

William nodded.  He pulled her pants down, too, and moved her underwear to the side.  “I want to make you feel good,” he whispered.

“You always do,” she smiled.

He smiled back at her.  He began teasing her core before slipping one finger into her.  She gasped in pleasure, biting her lip as she moved her hips slowly.  “That’s good?” William asked quickly, only for Aberdeen to nod her head just as quickly, letting out a sigh.  She tried to steady her breathing as William’s finger began moving in and out of her slowly, curling every so often.  For her part, she kept jerking him off too, his grunts her fuel.

“D’you like when I touch you like this?” she asked, mumbling against his lips, biting down on the bottom one.  

He kissed her in response, sloppy and wet to let her know what he thought.  He used his thumb to start rubbing circles against her hot core, and the sound of her mewling out his name over and over again was driving him absolutely insane.  “More,” she whimpered.  “More, Willy.  One more.”

William slipped another finger into her easily and curled them both.  “Oooooh, fuck,” Aberdeen sighed out, along with every other swear word in the book.  She quickened her strokes of his cock and he grunted again, bucking his hips slightly.  They kissed for a while longer, both their hands working magic on the other, until she felt him buck his hips again.  “Are y’close, Willy?”  He nodded, unable to form words.  “D’you wanna cum in my mouth?”

Willy’s eyes bulged out dramatically.  “You’ve gotta cum first.”

“Willy—”

“You don’t hav—you’ve gotta cum first,” he repeated more definitively, curling his fingers in her again, making her cry out.  

“Don’t stop, then,” she bit her lip.  “I’m so close.”

William leaned forward to kiss Aberdeen, and with a few more curls of his fingers and circles of his thumb, she began writhing and shaking on top of him, moaning his name over and over and over again as she rode out her orgasm for as long as she could.  She buried her head in the crook of his neck as she came down from her orgasm, feeling his fingers slip out of her.  She watched as he brought them up to his mouth and sucked.  She was surprised he’d do something that bold, but then again, he had just fingered her in the backseat of his car after she’d initiated the entire rendezvous.  “Fuck, Willy.”

“Felt good?” he asked quickly.

“Felt fucking amazing,” she responded, trying to suppress her giggle.  With her hand still miraculously on his cock, she continued stroking, slowly at first.  “You ok?”

He nodded his head.  “You look so fucking sexy,” he mumbled, referring to how her bra was still pushed down and the red flush that had taken over her body after her orgasm.  It was his favourite sight to see.  “I love it when I hear you moan my name.  I…fuck Aberdeen.”

“I love how good you are with your hands,” she smiled mischievously.  

“I love how good you are with yours,” he giggled, sighing slightly as her thumb grazed over the tip of his cock.  They kissed for a while as she continued to stroke him.  “God, you’re so fucking good.  I’m not gonna last much longer.”

“D’you want to cum in my mouth?” she asked again.

There was no backing out of the question now, but William didn’t know how to respond.  Of course it would have been nice, but there was so much to consider.  “You don’t have to.  It’s okay.”

“But Willy—”

“—I haven’t even eaten you out yet and I don’t think it’s fair—”

“—But I want to, Willy,” she said, eyes wide and staring at him with a mix of fake innocence and real determination.  “I want to.”

He didn’t say another word.  Aberdeen kissed him a few more times before she shifted her position and took him in her mouth, sucking the tip of his cock.  William leaned his head back and watched through hooded eyes as she continued to stroke and suck, leaving him utterly speechless.  It was only when Aberdeen started to go deeper that he could feel his release coming, and he suddenly found his voice again.  “Aberdeen—” he tried to get out, but couldn’t.  She looked up at him with big eyes and he was ready to die right there.  “Aberdeen, I—”

“Cum in my mouth Willy.”

With one last stroke and a buck of his hips, Aberdeen felt his hot cum in her throat.  William moaned and repeated her name over and over, much like she’d done before, and tried to keep his eyes on her as she took every last bit of him.  His jaw was practically on the floor as he looked down at her, and she up at him, until he couldn’t take it anymore.  “C’mere,” dragged her up, planting a messy, wet kiss on her lips as they moaned together, William wrapping his arms around her protectively as he could feel his cock soften.  

They kissed for what felt like hours again, kiss after kiss after kiss, until their pace slowed down and their breaths returned to normal and they realized what they’d just done, what they’d just participated in together, willingly, in a car sitting in an empty parking lot of a park overlooking the Toronto skyline.  In about twelve hours, they’d be on a plane together en route to Ottawa, solely work acquaintances to everyone around them, keeping their secret close to their hearts.

“I love you, minskatt,” William mumbled, his head still a bit dizzy but his heart still full from what had just happened.  

“I love you too,” she responded, her chest rising and falling with her breath, her head equally as dizzy and her heart equally as full.

***

William couldn’t keep his eyes off of Aberdeen, now that they were back in the driver’s and passenger’s seat, on Islington Road heading north to get on the Gardiner Expressway.  She had a flush on her cheeks and a small smile on her face as she looked out the window.  The night was completely dark now, with only the streetlights illuminating the road for them until they got back into the city.  The playlist was playing in the background, but neither bothered to turn the volume up or change the song yet.

William drove slowly.  To have more time with her.

“Minskatt?” he asked softly as they were stopped at a red light.  Aberdeen turned her head to look at him.  “Being with you feels right,” he told her, his voice firm and with conviction.  

“Even though what we’re doing is wrong?” she asked.

William shook his head.  “That doesn’t matter.  I don’t care about the rules.”  He considered her words – how she admitted it was wrong – for a moment and got nervous.  “Does it feel wrong to you?”

“No,” she replied immediately shaking her head.  “Not at all.  But you have to understand that this…this is simultaneously the most wrong thing I’ve ever done, but also the most right.  I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I get it completely,” William said.  “But I don’t regret any of it.”

“I don’t either.”  Aberdeen surprised herself by saying those words out loud.  But they were true.  She didn’t.  She didn’t feel any regret.  “You…you know that right?”

William smiled softly.  He was very, very well aware how much she was sacrificing to do this – to be sneaking around with him – and he was very well aware of how, for her, everything hung by a thread.  Everything for her was on the line, everything, and she was willing to risk it all for him.  That was why he was so protective.  That was why he was so secretive.  That was why he tried his best to keep everything so low-key, to not have people catch on, and if they did, to not take it too seriously.  “I do.”

When she picked up his phone as he took the on-ramp onto the Gardiner Expressway, she chose another song, ‘In Your Eyes’ by the Weeknd.  William recognized the tempo immediately and smiled.  They moved along to the music, singing the lyrics together as they drove on the highway.  Aberdeen danced in her seat and William grooved from side to side as much as he could while still being alert and paying attention to the road.  Near the song’s end, Aberdeen grabbed his phone again and queued the next song.  

When the familiar chords began to play, the synth coming in and the beat loud and strong, William looked over to her and smiled.  “How did I know?” he asked.

“Did you expect anything less from me?” she asked rhetorically, giggling slightly.  

Midnight… You come and pick me up, no headlights… Long drive could end in burning flames or paradise…

Hearing her sing was one of the best things in the world to him.  Almost as good as hearing her talking about writing.  Almost as good as hearing her read her own writing.  There was such a lack of inhibitions in the way she sang and the way she moved, the way she didn’t care about facades or rules or appropriateness anymore, that made every lyric, ever hand motion, every movement and every head bop so endearing to him.  When she took out her phone and began recording the lights on the horizon, all the skyscrapers lit up in the crisp winter’s night air, he reached across the console and held her hand.  Hands that held the ring he got her on it.

Because he could now.  Without any reservation.  

And when Aberdeen smiled, all was right in the world.  

When they got back to her apartment, Aberdeen was reluctant to leave.  William had put the car in park but neither of them moved to say goodbye or do anything, really.  They were lucky that her street wasn’t a main street; that it was residential and tucked in behind two other, more major streets, so that they wouldn’t be honked at or bothered.  

“Have you packed for tomorrow yet?” Aberdeen asked, her voice quiet.

William shrugged.  “Just gotta choose a suit, really.  There’s nothing to it.  You?”

“Yeah,” she nodded her head.  “My suitcase is pretty much always ready to go nowadays.  I’m uh…Brendan actually gave me lunch time off so I can meet up with Siena.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  She’s even coming to the game.  Not in the press box or anything but she’ll be in a seat somewhere in the arena.  You might get to see her.”

William stayed silent for a few moments.  “Did you like tonight?” he asked.

Aberdeen smiled.  “Very much so.”

Some more moments of silence.  It wasn’t until William leaned over to give her a kiss that there was another sound.  “I love you, minskatt.”

She smiled into the kiss.  “I love you too, Willy,” she said, for what felt like the tenth time that night.  She put her hand on the door handle and pulled so the door would open.  She knew if she stayed any longer, they’d be there all night, either kissing or just sitting there in silence.  “Get home safe, okay?  Text me.”

He didn’t want her to leave, but he digressed because they both had an early wakeup time tomorrow.  He also knew that he’d be seeing her in a few hours again, anyway.  “I will, minskatt,” he gave her one last kiss before letting her go.

When Aberdeen walked into her condo building, it was like the concierge was waiting for her.  “Ms. Bloom?” he asked as she walked by the desk.

“That’s me…”

“This is for you,” he said, handing her a large manila envelope.  “Courtesy of your friend,” he nodded towards William, still waiting outside in his car until Aberdeen turned the corner to get to the elevator where he wouldn’t be able to see her.  

She furrowed her brows.  When…?  How…?  “Thanks…” she took it from him, thanking him politely before making her way towards the elevator.  Once she was in, she pressed her floor number and tore open the seal.

Inside, there was a valentine.  A poorly made and executed valentine, but a valentine nonetheless.  William had cut out a giant heart out of red construction paper.  He’d glued googly-eyes on it to make a face, glued pipe cleaners and cotton balls and stickers where necessary, and had even used glitter.  She laughed out loud – it honestly looked like a valentine made by one of her mom’s first graders.  When she noticed it was a card, she opened it up.  She saw, in William’s handwriting:

Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker

It was when she got to her bedroom that she punched in the words, with all their accents, carefully into Google Translate on her phone.  Again.  He was always making her translate things, although she highly doubted there would be a communication error this time around and think he was calling her ‘little shit’.  When the translation came up, her heart skipped a beat.

I think about you when I’m not even thinking.

[thatshithurted8]

Trauma

Summary: After a sudden revelation you and JJ look at each other in a different light.

Request: Hi! Can you do a request where jj and y/n ‘hate’ eachother, constantly fight and bicker. So John B and the gang truck them into getting stuck on Hayward’s boat and leave them for the night. When jj gets high he notices she gets anxious. He persuades her to reveal a sensitive side that she doesn’t like being around drugs because of her abusive dad. Jj doesn’t tell her he can relate just that he understands. He tells her that she’s beautiful and she deserves better, in his own jj way;)💗I love u @maybebanks 

Trigger Warnings: Mention and depiction of overdoses, drug use, death and abuse!!

Word Count: 2.3k

When John B and the rest of the gang drove away from Heywards boat leaving you and the boy you despised the most, JJ Maybank alone you weren’t that mad. They weren’t going to leave you guys there over night. Surely they were going to come back and get you guys from the middle of the marsh so you two wouldn’t kill each other. Or so you thought.

A few hours went by, your friends have yet to return and the sun just finished setting. This is when the situation at hand finally hit you. You were stuck out in the middle of the marsh with JJ and no one else. Yea you could’ve continued what you were doing all evening which was ignore the blue eyed boy and do your own thing. 

However, as the stars and moon shone down on you both and the smell of weed filled your nostrils you couldn’t help, but feel anxious. Your heart was hammering in your chest and your breathing started to become labored. You despised the smell of weed and feeling abandoned was the cherry on top. Knowing the signs of a panic attack you decide to sit down against the edge on the other side of the boat than JJ. As you do this the blond looks over at you and watches you wrap a blanket around your body before resting your head on your knees. 

Despite your distaste for the Maybank boy his feelings towards you weren’t reciprocated. Yes he wasn’t fond of you especially after the first time he met you, he made a joke about you not smoking or drinking when Kie invited you to hang out, but he didn’t know why you weren’t interested in that stuff. He simply thought and still believes that you can’t take a joke. JJ hated people that couldn’t take a joke considering most of those people were Kooks. And after all you used to be a Kook when your mom was alive. As if your old social status actually mattered to anyone else though. 

Finally speaking up after basically a whole evening of silence JJ opens his mouth. “You know they obviously left us here to become friends so you should make an attempt at least.” 

You roll your eyes looking down at the floor between your open legs, your head still resting on your knees. He was right you should make an attempt to befriend him, but right now wasn’t a good time to try or for JJ to make a snarky remark about it. 

Ignoring him, you try your best to focus on your breathing to prevent a panic attack. You hated having panic attacks in the first place, but there was no way you were going to let JJ see that side of you. You had to stay strong like you always were. 

Rolling his blue eyes JJ stands up and sits back down beside you. Since you were so focused on your breathing you didn’t realize he was now by your side. 

“Ignoring me isn’t helping Y/N.” He says, annoyance dripping from his voice.

JJ’s remark and the smell of weed being closer to you now was your last straw. You couldn’t hold in the panic attack anymore. Suddenly a gasp for air leaves your mouth as tears begin to fall down your face. 

Confused, JJ looks over at you and notices your body shaking. Even though you weren’t his most favourite person in the world you were still apart of his friend group and the blonde would do anything for them. 

“What’s wrong Y/N?” He asks genuinely concerned, placing the roach of his joint down beside him. 

He places a hand on your back as you begin to sob into your hands and knees, but you move away, not wanting him to touch you. He retracts his hand, but grows even more confused and concerned. During the span of knowing you JJ has never seen you cry so he was genuinely confused as to why you were. What triggered it? 

As the sound of your sobs filled JJ’s ears he felt inclined to make you feel better despite your distaste for each other. 

“Talk to me Y/N.” He simply says. 

You finally look over at the boy beside you, your eyes red and cheeks stained with tears. Seeing you like this flipped a switch in JJ that he wasn’t even aware of. All of a sudden he wanted to take care of you or just simply hold you. You looked so broken and JJ understood the feeling. 

Without saying anything JJ scoots over to you and wraps his arms around you. Surprisingly you don’t pull away from his grasp. Instead you simply move closer into to his chest, desperately craving any type of loving touch. The blonde boy rubs his hand up and down your back in a soothing motion which you appreciate. 

A few minutes go by, both you and JJ allow you to ride out your panic attack, but he made sure to show that he was there for you by holding onto you. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks softly, looking down at you in his arms. 

“Not right now.” You stutter out, still reeling from the physical and mental attack you just went through. 

“Well do you want to light up? It should make you feel better.” The blonde suggests even though he knows you don’t like participating in that type of stuff. 

You simply shake your head no and close your eyes while resting against his chest. “Suit yourself, but I’m going to.” He says digging through his cargo shorts pocket with his free hand for another joint. 

JJ notices you sharply inhale as he does this which makes him hesitate for a second, before deciding to leave it in his pocket. “Why don’t you smoke or drink?” 

The Maybank boy would always make fun of you for not participating in the same activities as the rest of the Pogues, but he just realized he doesn’t know why you don’t do that stuff. 

A minute or two go by and JJ was about to ask you again, thinking you didn’t hear him, but in reality you were just trying to figure out what to say. You sigh, but not realizing you start to play with JJ’s fingers to calm yourself down. 

“Do you know how my mom died?” You simply ask. 

“No.” He says allowing you to continue to play with his fingers. 

You were quite surprised by his answer in all honesty. Basically everyone on the island knows what happened to your family and their downward spiral to misfortune.  

“She died from an opioid overdose.” 

JJ’s dilated eyes widen at your answer, not expecting that to be the cause of your moms death. “Shit sorry Y/N I didn’t know.” 

You simply shrug your shoulders. “It’s not a requirement for you to know that.” You say in a monotone voice as you start to think about your deceased mother. 

A silence falls over the two, but for the first time ever it wasn’t awkward. JJ realized he knew hardly anything about you and he was genuinely curious to find out more, but he didn’t want to push you. So he simply started to graze his fingers up and down your wrist, moving your bracelets up an down as he does so. 

Although it was dark out and the only light was coming from the moon and a small light outside of the cabin JJ noticed something on your skin. Along your wrist and up your forearm were round scars that looked like they resembled cigarette burns. 

He looks down at the round marks on your arm then gazes at his legs that had similar marks along them. Someone was using you as their personal ash tray like how JJ’s father used to do. 

“What are these from?” He asks, tracing his finger around one scar. 

Once you realize what JJ is talking about you start to readjust yourself in his arms, starting to feel slightly uncomfortable. “It’s nothing.” 

JJ bites his lip, deciding whether he should continue talking or not and he eventually decides to continue. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I have them too.” He says moving away from you to show you the scattered scars along his legs before turning slightly and lifting up his shirt to show the healed marks on his back. At a loss for words you simply ogle at the boy beside you in shock. Even though he didn’t straight up say what happens when he goes home he showed you that he understands which oddly made you feel not so alone. Who knew you guys had something so terrible in common? 

He lets his shirt fall back down and wraps his arm around your shoulders once again. You suck in a breath of fresh air as thoughts swarmed your mind. You didn’t know why, but in that moment JJ made you feel so comfortable around him that you felt inclined to tell him the deep dark truth about why you don’t do certain things. 

“When people ask why I don’t drink or smoke I say it’s because of my mom.” You say grabbing a hold of JJ’s fingers once again. “Her death is a big reason as to why, but once she died my whole life went downhill. My dad didn’t cope with her death well and I can’t get mad at him for that, but he started to abuse drugs like she did.” JJ glances over at you resting on his shoulder as he listened intently to you speaking. 

“My dad started to spend money on anything and everything. Then one day he went to a meeting for an important business deal, high out of his mind on coke and of course he got fired. After that we lost the house, the boat, and his car. We lost everything. And you would think that would’ve been a wake up call for him.” You say removing your head from the blondes shoulder and meeting JJ’s gaze.

JJ simply nods his head in understanding, but you take that as a hint to go on. “He only got more angry and agitated since then. He started to take his anger out on me and my brother, but mostly me because I look more like my mom.” You say glancing at the moon then back to JJ’s blue orbs. 

He couldn’t believe how similar your guys’ home life was. For starters JJ’s dad started abusing alcohol and drugs once his mom passed away as well. She died of cancer and JJ’s dad felt like it was his fault since he couldn’t afford chemotherapy. JJ’s fathers built up guilt and anger against the world for taking his wife away from him ultimately festered into him beating JJ every chance he got. It also didn’t help that JJ was a constant reminder of her just by his looks. 

You suck in another deep breath just before you tell JJ, the guy you despised just hours ago the most personal and sensitive thing about yourself. “It was yelling matches at first then one day he just started physically attacking me. First he slapped me a few times or pulled my hair or even pushed me down the stairs. Occasionally he would put out his cigarettes on me. Then he eventually pinned me up against a wall and held a broken beer bottle against my throat.” You say, the look on your face expressionless and your eyes dull because you were used to it. When you shouldn’t be. No one should. 

As you reveal this to JJ he feels his heart clench and wince at your sentences. He understands the pain that you have and are going through more than you know. But as you tell him this he starts to connect the dots. Suddenly waking up at John B’s in the morning to see you sleeping out in the hammock or on the living room floor made sense. Or seeing you wear heavy amounts of make up on parts of your face when you hardly ever wore make up, or how you spent more time at Kiara’s and John B’s than he himself did. 

You open your mouth to tell him some other things such as how you haven’t been home since that day he pinned you against the wall or how your brother is fine and misses you, but he stops you. Although he wanted you to be comfortable enough with him to tell him those things it was starting to get too much for him. JJ’s own dark memories and demons were starting to cloud his mind and he didn’t want that. He wanted to be there for you the way John B and Pope are there for him. 

“Y/N, I’m really sorry you have gone through that. No one deserves to go through that.” He says turning towards you while moving a stray hair out of your face. You shrug your shoulders and give him a sad smile. After all of these years your father has made you believe that you deserve everything he does to you. 

Another moment of silence falls upon you two, but JJ breaks it to speak his mind, he could tell you didn’t believe what he previously said. “You know you’re beautiful right? And although we started on the wrong foot I’m willing to be arrested again if your dad lays even a finger on you.” The blue eyed boy says, revealing his protective side which was very on brand JJ. You chuckle and nudge the boy away from you lightly. Even though you were originally anxious and upset that your friends left you two out in the middle of the marsh you are actually quite grateful they did.

“You can have the pull out couch at John B’s for now on.” JJ says scooting back over to you. 

You appreciate JJ’s offer, but you can’t help, but turn it down. “No because you wouldn’t have a place to sleep then.” 

“Then we’ll have to figure something out together.” JJ suggests wrapping his arm back around you. 

And what JJ said was true. From that moment on you two made an effort to be there for each other while navigating each others trauma. 

- 

I have linked some websites and resources for people going through similar situations as JJ and reader in this fic. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if need be I will try to help you to the best of my ability! 

P.S: You all are strong, beautiful and loved. Don’t forget that.

https://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline 

http://www.vachss.com/help_text/hotlines_intl.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines

https://pathwaystosafety.org/

[kafka-ish]

the act of being a boy-friend | r.t.

y/n’s plan to make her crush, or ex crush, jealous backfires when she realizes she’s been the jealous one all along.

word count: 6.7k

warnings/included: fluff, losers aren’t friends anymore, fem!reader

a/n: i just rlly love writing love triangles hgeoigso also fake dating tropes ftw🥳

-

“What’s ruh-ruh-wrong? Juh-juh-hust tell me what I can do, and I’ll ff-fix it.” Bill sat next to y/n on his worn sofa. The two were watching a movie but he couldn’t put a pin on what was wrong until he noticed y/n wasn’t making her usual commentary. y/n always talked whenever they got together to watch a movie—either letting her petty remarks be known to the rest of the viewers or judging the style choice. And if she wasn’t talking, her face was stuffed full of popcorn or sour candy.

But y/n wasn’t doing either of those things.

She sat in a ball—her bare feet on his couch and her kneecaps digging into her stomach. Her eyes were wide and focused on the screen ahead of them that blared ET. Her nails that were in tip-top condition when she first showed up to Bill’s house, neatly trimmed and polished with a layer of topcoat were now bitten to the bed, ragged and raw.

“Why would you think something’s wrong?” y/n said, surprised that she was able to even squeak out the words after zoning out for so long. Something was wrong. But it wasn’t like y/n would tell him. This is what she wanted, right? Just the two of them—Bill’s arm wrapped around her while she pressed into his side while the only light in the room came from his television set.

So why did everything feel so wrong?

Richie and y/n had dated two months prior. Well… ‘dated’. The relationship wasn’t real, but the butterflies whenever Richie called her a dumb pet name or kissed her on the cheek (because kissing on the lips was too far) certainly felt real. And the heartbreak that came from him talking about other girls felt more real than the time y/n got stood up at the eighth-grade dance.

“I don’t wanna be your fuckin’ boyfriend,” Richie protested. His mouth was full of the turkey club sandwich he snagged from a detention buddy and his perfectly straight nose was now scrunched in disgust at the absurd idea his friend had to offer.

“I don’t get why you’re being so pissy about this.” y/n took the sandwich from him, taking a bite of her own and cringing at the taste of mustard that was hidden under the lettuce.

“Grow up.” Richie laughed at y/n who was using a napkin to wipe the tangy aftertaste off her tongue. “You know.” He took another bite. “This sorta shit never ends well.”

“What shit?” y/n prodded. She was still hooked on the idea of getting Richie to play house with her.

“The game where you and I pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend and eventually one of us falls for each other.” Richie was taking an oddly rational approach to y/n’s suggestion. But Richie was logical in a sense where he just knew.

“Who says I’d fall for you?” y/n poked at his shoulder. One of her eyebrows raised because in what world would she let herself catch feelings for Richie Tozier?

In this world. In this lifetime, y/n would let herself fall for one of her best friends, only to be dating her longtime crush.

“How could you not?” Richie smirked but y/n could tell he was just joking. “I’m irresistible, love.” His stupid British-man Voice made yet another appearance and y/n had to refrain from hitting him.

“What about me?” y/n didn’t care whether or not Richie found her attractive, but to say his response never left her mind after that day would be an understatement.

“Well, just look at you.” Richie put the sandwich down. “If it’s anyone, I’ll be having a harder time.”

“So does that mean you’ll go through with it?” A new light hit y/n’s eyes; the sparkle almost blinding Richie who was shaking his head.

“I don’t get why you’re so hung up about this.” He sighed. y/n could tell he was getting annoyed, but y/n was also persistent. If she wanted something, she’d get it; careless about the lengths she’d have to go through for her fantasies to become a truth. Her truth.

“I’m just saying there are benefits for both of us.” y/n’s head tilted to the side, trying to get a better glimpse at Richie now gnawing at his lunch like an animal.

“Benefits?” Richie asked mid-bite.

“Yeah. I can make Bill Denbrough jealous and he’ll fall madly in love with me. Same for you and your ex.”

“Bill Denbrough?” Richie ignored the mention of his ex-girlfriend. He was fifty-percent sure he was already over her, but the other fifty percent of him still stole glances in her direction and kept a copy of her school picture in his wallet. But Bill Denbrough? y/n had a crush on the Bill Denbrough? Richie had to take a moment for his ears to adjust to this staggering news.

Bill Denbrough was a baseball player and Richie’s old childhood friend. Him, Bill, Stan Uris (who was coincidentally also on Derry’s baseball team), Mike Hanlon (who didn’t play baseball but football), Ben Hanscom (he was on the track team), Eddie Kaspbrak, and Beverly Marsh were all a group back in middle school. And Bill and Richie went way back—back to elementary school. It was until the end of freshman year when Stan tried out for baseball (Bill tagged along but made the team anyway) and Mike brought up how he wanted to go out for football next year.

Everyone’s interests started to diverge. Everyone started to diverge. They still went to Mike’s games at the beginning of their sophomore year, but their lunches together only seemed to happen on Wednesday and their afternoon hangouts at the quarry turned into just Richie smoking puffs on the edge; the only company being his portable radio.

Richie befriended y/n sophomore year, around the same time he and his friends fizzed out in January’s crisp air. He met her in his new art class when Derry High released students’ new schedules for the second semester. They’d stayed friends ever since; sharing their lunches and staying after school to finish up on a Social Studies project that wasn’t worth the grade they received. y/n was the one to comfort Richie after his breakup with Vanessa Jennings, but this was the first Richie had ever heard of y/n’s crush on Bill. He didn’t even know she knew Bill.

“You like Bill Denbrough?”

y/n nodded. “So, what do you say? Partner…”

Richie gave in. Although it wasn’t in his interest to get back with Vanessa, he’d still go along with y/n’s scheme.

He’d pick her up at her house before school at seven o’clock sharp—whether it was in his dad’s old Chevy or by foot in his red Converse.

y/n rushed to her front door as soon as she heard a ring. Her hair was half done, and she hadn’t had enough time to do her makeup yet. Luckily, she was already dressed in her school clothes—the denim of her jeans scuffing together when she walked, and her red blouse having to be pulled down every time she rose her arms.

“Morning, sugar.” Richie’s lazy grin and tired eyes never failed to bring a smile on her face even before they started ‘dating’. His hair wasn’t brushed at all, making y/n feel better about her appearance. His body leaned slanted against the doorframe while he waited for her and the white tip of his Converse made its attempt to dig into the porch.

“Sugar?” y/n asked, bemused. She grabbed her keys from the table next to the door, using them to lock the door behind her.

“You look different today.” y/n’s head raised from its once concentrated position from the lock on her door.

“Different how?” She inquired, mostly wondering if this difference was a good or bad thing.

“You look good.” y/n’s cheeks couldn’t help but heat at the compliment. Richie was always calling her cutesy names or saying shit like actually, now that my glasses are on, your ass does look good in those jeans. This should be no different, right?

It only felt different because they were… an item is what y/n convinced herself somewhere along the drive to school. Richie opened the door for her when she got in (and out), but in return, she’d have to let him play his favorite station.

“it’s only courtesy, babe.” Richie shrugged but his eyes kept on the road. “I scratch your back, you scratch mine.”

But two weeks in, y/n found out she liked what this rock ‘n roll guy had to offer. She liked the loud beat of the drum and how the guitar sang in her ears. She liked Richie’s voice that overpowered Elvis’s when he sang along to the lyrics, knowing every word by heart.

“I don’t get why you’re taking me anywhere,” y/n said. She sat in the passenger’s seat of his car like she usually did. “We don’t have to pretend unless we’re, like, in public.” Her voice became small, almost regretting the words that came out of her mouth. Secretly, she hoped Richie wouldn’t turn the 1965 Chevrolet Camaro around.

“It’s not like we aren’t friends.” Richie’s thumb made a tap, tap, tapping sound against the steering wheel. “Friends hang out, right?”

y/n smiled but didn’t answer. It never occurred to her that they weren’t dating. After a while, it just seemed so natural; the hand holding under lunch tables; the way he held her binder for her.

“Is that heavy, sweetheart?” Richie stood next to y/n, intently watching as she struggled with her books in one arm: her other hand turning the combination lock. His gaze never left her figure. He was thoughtful, caring…

“Kind of, but you don’t need to—”

Ignoring y/n, Richie took the books from her hold. He already had books of his own to carry, but he couldn’t let his girlfriend struggle with hers.

“Yeah… friends.” y/n couldn’t seem to face him while uttering the words. Friends. The declaration felt so distant. After all, they had been more than friends—or pretending to be more than friends. But at the end of the day, y/n didn’t know if she wanted to be just friends with Richie Tozier. That was new considering, she never saw Richie as something else. Something that greeted her with flowers before school and held open the door for her. Not until now, no. Richie was always… Richie.

Richie Tozier who was always caught doing his homework last minute in art—because that’s the easiest class, babe. Richie Tozier who liked detention because he could catch up on a few extra minutes of lost beauty sleep. Richie Tozier who stopped bringing his lunch to school because you’re the only sugar I need.

y/n rolled the window down, letting a breeze sweep through her hair and tickle her skin. She needed a distraction because the recent epiphany of the boy next to her being the reason for her heart palpitations was something to need a distraction from.

The sky bled orange and purple—the colors perfectly melted into one another—and y/n wondered if this wasn’t their world after all. Maybe they were being controlled and the puppeteer behind her was playing some sick joke by making her catch feelings for Richie Tozier. y/n didn’t even notice they came to a stop until the click of Richie’s seatbelt grabbed her ears from their trance.

“You comin’?” Richie asked from outside of her side of the car. He was hunched down, his forearm resting on the door to help prop him up.

“Yeah.” y/n swallowed but it hurt. It felt like acid ripped through her esophagus but the only thing she had to drink that day was water. She reached for the door handle, but Richie was faster, already opening the door himself. “Such a gentleman,” y/n snickered.

“Of course.” Richie stayed behind to lock the doors.

“So, you drove me, just a friend, all the way out to the best milkshakes in town?” y/n asked, eyeing the neon-lit sign that read

 Hwy 90

The highway to your stomach.

They served other things, but they specialized in milkshakes—something neither Richie nor y/n would care to pass up. But nothing y/n would drive thirty minutes for just for some glorified ice cream in a glass.

“It’s the least I could do.” Richie opened the door for y/n once again. The entrance door to the diner made a jingling sound as the top corner hit the bells which hung from the ceiling.

“The least you could do?” y/n wondered aloud, but Richie wasn’t given the chance to answer her question when a waitress scurried up to them, a stack of menus in one arm and a bundle of silverware in the other. She was taller than y/n but shorter than Richie and she wore black and white bowling shoes to match the wide-legged jeans and polo underneath her apron. “Is it just you two?” She asked sweetly, hiking the pile of menus up higher on her arm.

“Yeah,” Richie said. He stuffed his hands in his back pocket, not knowing where to put them.

The waitress showed them to a small booth that sat in the corner of the brightly lit restaurant. It was too bright for y/n’s eyes under the red, blue, and pink hues that reflected across the shiny white tile, But the corner table the girl had brought them to would do. There was a certain coziness to it, or maybe it was the thought of sitting so close to Richie in a public setting that settled y/n’s eyes.

“I’m Annie. I’ll be your server today,” the girl said as soon as Richie and y/n slid into their respective sides of the red pleather seats. She was fast-talking and all shades of nervousness as her left hand went to grab the number two pencil that fastened the blonde curls that were pinned in a knot on top of her head. “Can I get you anything?”

“A menu would be nice,” y/n said. In front of them sat a table, salt and pepper shakers, and a half-empty Heinz ketchup bottle. Annie had forgotten to give the two a menu.

“My apologies!” She exclaimed, bashful. She handed them each a menu to sift through.

“Don’t sweat it.” Richie winked in her direction and y/n felt herself grow… what was that? Anger? Annie’s pale skin blushed a bright red and y/n could tell it wasn’t the apron making her feel hot.

It took Richie a full-fledged thirty seconds and two skims through the laminated paper for him to decide what he wanted, and it took y/n at least two minutes. “I’ll have a Cookies n Cream. Extra sweet.” Just like you.

y/n was biting her thumb and still reading over the same three flavors that caught her eye while Annie stood patiently waiting for her response. Richie was messing with the saltshaker. His leg found hers under the table and gave it a quick kick.

“Ouch.” She looked up from the menu, averting her attention to the boy in front of her with a fix glare. “Can I have Vanilla? With a cherry on top?”

Annie scribbled down both of their orders in messy writing before making her way across the floor and to the kitchen.

“Vanilla?” Richie laughed and y/n didn’t know what was so funny. “’Cause you’re vanilla?” He covered his mouth with his hand before another fit of laughter would consume the table.

“Shut up.” Swiftly, y/n’s leg propelled into his which caused Richie’s laughs to die down, replaced by a single yelp.

“So…” Richie’s eyebrows wiggled. His nails, which were painted a shade of deep blue by y/n and already chipped, thumped against the surface of the table. y/n could tell whatever he was beginning to suggest wouldn’t be something she liked just from the tone of his voice.

“So?”

“Why Bill?” Oh.

“I don’t know what you mean.” She knew exactly what he meant.

“Why do you like ole Big Bill?” The nickname had slipped out unconsciously. The nickname Richie hadn’t heard in years. The nickname Richie hadn’t said in years. It felt exotic on his lips, but comforting, like a hug from his mom.

Why did she like Bill? y/n asked herself silently. She was gnawing on the inside of her cheek when the question popped up again and the sound of Bill’s voice startled her.

“What’s ruh-ruh-wrong? Juh-juh-hust tell me what I can do, and I’ll ff-fix it.” What was wrong? Seemingly, everything was perfect. The boy y/n had been crushing on for years was finally in her reach—her grasp, even. Bill’s head turned to face y/n, but his arm stayed tightly coiled around her side. It wasn’t the same as Richie’s possessive hold from two months ago. His hand that played with the fabric of her shirt felt cold. Bill felt cold.

It couldn’t be that she missed Richie, no. Richie was busy—probably swapping spit with one Vanessa Jennings. Vanessa with the light brown hair and curls that framed her not-too-big head ever so perfectly. Vanessa who never needed a tan. Vanessa with the long legs that were probably wrapped—

But it didn’t matter. y/n was busy, too. The Bill Denbrough was at her side and she couldn’t have asked for anything else. She didn’t need anything else. Not when his red flannel hugged her torso because are you could? My parents won’t let me turn up the heat, but I can offer you this. Like a gentleman, he proceeded to strip the flannel from his bodice, leaving him in a white baseball tee.

“Why would you think something’s wrong?” y/n looked at Bill then looked down to see the nails she had just painted were now ruined. She looked up again. “Nothing’s wrong,” she assured, not all convincingly.

“You just… yo-you ha-haven’t-t s-s-said anything since you cuh-cuh-walked in.”

“I haven’t?” y/n asked, now picking at the tip of her thumb, hoping what had taken two weeks to grow out would magically regrow in seconds. Saving his voice, Bill only shook his head.

“You nuh-know you can tuh-tell me. Ruh-right?” y/n nodded but what could she tell him?

Sorry I’ve been holding a massive crush on you for years like one holds a cleaver over their head but all of a sudden I’m into this guy I met in my art class who never brushes his hair and writes ‘smoking and smoking hot’ on his college resume.

“I think I’m just tired,” she lied while also feigning a yawn. She covered her mouth when it opened, pretending to be sleepy.

“Do-do you want me to tuh-take you home?” Bill asked. He was just as thoughtful as Richie. He was just as handsome as Richie, maybe even more. So why couldn’t y/n bring herself to like him as much as Richie? His arm left from her side and he used it to pick up the remote, turning the tv off. The worst part was, that when Bill’s hand stopped playing with the fabric of the flannel she wore and his arm left her frame, she didn’t feel a coldness that would usually wash over her when Richie’s arm left her. She felt free.

“I don’t want our afternoon to be spoiled,” y/n said. Her eyebrows furrowed and even though she knew she was lying through her teeth, she wanted to make this work. After all these years of pining for her study partner and favorite Derry High baseball player, she needed for this to work. To see the vision she’d created in her head, just a mere two years ago, collapse in front of her very eyes broke her. But at the same time, she was indifferent. Why should she care about the boy in front of her when the boy she actually wanted was a neighborhood away?

“Tr-trust me. It-it’s not.” Bill shrugged. He stood up and offered y/n his hand which she didn’t take. Instead, she sat there, planted in her same seat, waiting for him to continue. “I can tuh-take you home. And wuh-we can hang out to-tomorrow. You nuh-know when you’re well rested.” All of the sudden, this felt very real. Hanging out with Bill felt real. Being at his house felt real. And though his efforts were valiant, y/n couldn’t accept the offer.

A smile graced her lips and Bill mirrored that. “Yeah, okay. Uh, take me home—please.”

y/n stood up and Bill guided her to the door and to Zach Denbrough’s car as if she hadn’t had the place memorized from when she first came over for a History project they’d been assigned to do.

What did she ever see in him?

“I don’t know.” y/n’s shoulders bopped up and down and even though her figure was hunched, Richie still thought she looked graceful.

“Are you just sayin’ that or did you end up falling in love with little ole me and you can’t think of anything?” Just then, their milkshakes arrived. Both in frosted glass and both with a cherry on top. A feeling of relief swallowed the lump in her throat, or maybe that was the taste of vanilla ice cream now that she was given some time, and a reason, to stall. y/n hated how on-the-nose Richie could be. But she also loved that about him. He could be so, so unexpectedly smart about some things. Things that were right in front of her that she’d never even notice until Richie pointed it out. “Oh, come on.” Richie’s words would’ve sliced through the silence in the air if it weren’t for the chatter of other people and jukebox playing in the background. “Seriously, y/n/n, there’s gotta be something that drew you to him.”

“Well… he’s nice.”

“Okay cut the crap.”

“What?” y/n asked, finding herself annoyed that she not only had to reveal her feelings to a boy she may or may not like but also because he’s nice apparently wasn’t a sufficient enough answer.

“I need an actual answer. Not some bullshit response like he’s nice or he’s funny. Anyone can be nice or funny, y/n.”

“Well, whether you like it or not, Bill is nice. He’s genuine, and cares about the people around him… Selfless.”

Richie was upset at her response. Not because y/n countered his argument in a way he was left speechless but because she was right. Bill was the nice guy and Richie… wasn’t. Bill was the one who looked out for others, making sure they were okay. He was the one who made sure no one got left behind. He was the one everyone looked up to—not Richie, Bill. It was always Bill. Whereas Richie’s just the guy who stands in the background making funny noises only to be told to shut up.

“Yeah… Bill is nice.”

“Don’t tell me you’re my competition, Tozier.” y/n laughed at the oddity of fighting with Richie for the chance to be with Bill.

“Nah,” Richie shook his head, his hair flying in any direction possible. “You’re lucky I’m not, though. You wouldn’t have the chance, babe.”

y/n wanted to eat her heart out at the usage of babe in such an informal setting where they didn’t have to pretend, but the maraschino cherry resting on top of the pile of whipped cream would suffice. “Do you still like Vanessa?” The words tumbled from y/n’s mouth like they were nothing. But embarrassment replaced the blood flowing through her veins once she was aware of what she just said.

“It’s… complicated,” Richie said honestly, not caring that y/n might’ve crossed boundaries just then.

“What’s complicated?” y/n cocked her head like a puppy questioning why its master was making weird hand motions.

“You’ll understand when you’re older, kid.” Richie didn’t mean to come off as condescending, but he did.

“I’m the same age as you.” y/n crossed her arms after pushing away the half-empty, frosted glass in front of her.

Ignoring the red straw in his drink, Richie brought the edge of the glass to his lips and swallowed the thick shake. “Here’s the thing. Vanessa and I go way back.”

“How far is way back if you only dated her for four months?” y/n regretted even bringing her up. Maybe it was different back then, back when the two were actually dating. But now, y/n couldn’t remember a time when someone said the name ‘Richie Tozier’ and her heart didn’t feel like it would explode into a collision of fireworks.

“Four and a half,” Richie corrected with a grin breaking out on his lips. “But I dunno. She’s just special.”

“Special as in…?” y/n probed, and she hated herself for her big mouth that wouldn’t stop applying lemon juice to an obviously open wound.

“I love her.” Richie took another drink of Cookies n Cream, which was more cream than cookies, and y/n sat there in shock. She would be silly to think that after all these weeks, Richie would feel the same way about her. After all, he had a life outside of the fake one they’d construed. Or maybe Richie was just less emotionally confined to these sorts of things. He knew better than to get caught up in a fake relationship. Of course he would.

But knowing Richie still loved his ex, struck something in y/n’s core. And the fact that he was able to say it in such a nonchalant manner—such casualty—only dug deeper at the pit in her stomach.

“You love her?” y/n asked, her mouth still full of the sweet treat he’d pay for later in the evening.

“Love. Loved.” Richie shrugged like this was nothing—well, maybe this was nothing. Maybe y/n was the speck of dust on his shirt and him shrugging was the last of her existence from his being leaving. “What’s the difference?”

“There’s a big difference.” y/n wanted to scream. Luckily, she had enough self-perseverance to keep her composure. She swallowed. “One is past tense, and one is present tense.”

“How ‘bout I put it this way.” Richie set aside his drink so now nothing was blocking his view of y/n. He leaned forward and rested his hands on the table. “I don’t like…” He paused. Revealing that he had no intention in getting back with his once first love would possibly wreck this whole thing. “If Vanessa asked, I’d probably get back with her,” Richie finally said, thinking that must’ve been a suitable way to word the jumble of letters floating around in his head like alphabet soup.

“You would?” y/n asked, feeling like a little kid all over again.

Richie didn’t say anything.

“Do you and her still…”

“Still what?”

“Talk, I guess is what I’m trying to say.” y/n messed with her fingers, pulling at a hangnail she’d know she’d regret doing when it got to later in the night.

“Nah. But don’t worry about it, sweets.” Richie took out his wallet only to be met with a picture of the dreaded girl they’d just been talking about. He gulped. His spit tasted like Oreos and he knew he’d have a stomachache later. Richie thumbed out a ten-dollar bill and five ones to keep Alexander Hamilton company. “Ole Vanessa could never get in the way of you if that’s what you’re wonderin’.”

It was what she was wondering.

But she’d never let Richie know that. y/n crossed her arms tighter around her torso because right now it felt like Richie could see right through her.

Richie drove her home in the same way Bill would a month from that night. But Richie had a better taste in music and y/n was actually sad to part from him when he left her at her doorstep.

“I’m really sorry I had to cut our time short,” y/n said. She was sorry.

“It’s ff-fine. I al-already sai—”

“Yeah, but I feel awful, Bill.” y/n finally mucked up the courage to look him in the eye. Those blue eyes that’d been searching for hers all afternoon. “This was probably like… the worst first date in the history of first dates.”

“Ih-it’s not so bad. But that duh-depends on how muh-many first dates you’ve been on.” Bill laughed and y/n was trying to figure out what was funny about what he said.

“You’ve been on worse ones?” y/n asked anxiously.

“Luh-let’s just say th-they duh-didn’t get a second date.”

y/n nodded while her hands started to search for the keys in her purse.

“I’ll ss-see you tuh-tomorrow?”

“Or at my funeral. Whichever comes first.” For a moment, the bad thoughts cleared from the surface of y/n’s head. Laughter was the only thing she was aware of for a moment.

“Bye, y/n/n.”

“Bye, Richie,” y/n said bashfully. Her hands were strewn behind her back because she didn’t know what they would do if they weren’t. He was about to walk off—off into the moonlight. And y/n would have to wait until Monday to see him again. It was one day too long because she knew even though the two of them had nothing better to do tomorrow, he’d see it as just friends whereas y/n would see it… differently. “Richie, wait!”

“What?” Richie turned around. His hands sat inside of his front pockets and his posture was slumped, as always.

“Thanks… for tonight.” Richie nodded, and validation from him served as a sick kind of ego booster that egged y/n to keep going. “They really are the best milkshakes in town.”

“Yeah.” Richie’s scratchy voice soothed y/n under the frosty air that came from winters in Maine. y/n stepped closer, her hands still behind her back.

“Did you have a good time?”

“You know I always have a good time when I’m with you.” Richie nudged y/n’s elbow with his but was taken aback by her hands that now gripped his shoulders and how suddenly close she was against him.

y/n kissed him on the cheek, not daring to go for his lips because who’s ever heard of a kiss goodbye on the cheek? Is probably what Stacy Howards would retort back to her after she’d spill the happenings of Saturday night to Derry High’s favorite cheerleader in study hall.

His cheek tasted like salt and Irish Spring—that is, if she knew what Irish Spring tasted like. Which she definitely didn’t.

She didn’t linger long. Richie wished she stayed longer. The kiss was short and sweet and the taste of vanilla on her lips replaced a fraction of his cheek that tasted like body wash and sodium chloride.

“Goodnight,” y/n said, now finally coming to her senses.

“Ye-yeah.” Richie blinked, an alternative to pinching himself in front of the girl he’d been pretending to date. “Night.” But after pretending for so long, Richie couldn’t help but notice the less it felt like pretending.

y/n closed the door behind her with a slam, making sure to lock it in case intruders were in the neighborhood. Now that Bill was gone, her first instinct was to call up Richie—tell him that the date went well, and how he was such a great friend, and thanks for the help. But there were only so many times she could lie to a boy she felt feelings so deeply for. The first, coincidentally, was when Richie had asked how things were going with Bill.

“Make any progress so far?” Richie asked with a face full of ham. They were eating lunch together, per usual. But this time, unlike the many times before, the hand that wasn’t holding his sandwich was rubbing circles on y/n’s small hand that Richie’s swallowed.

“Comme ci comme ça.” y/n smiled to herself at her basic understanding any French One student would master. “It’s going alright…” y/n had never been a natural liar. Whenever she told her parents she had cleaned her room when she, in fact, didn’t, the hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention and her forearm broke out in an itch she could never quite scratch. But her internal biological workings had given her a break today. There was no itch and her hairs stayed in place from when she styled her hair that morning.

“What’s alright?” Richie questioned, though it sounded more like an interrogation.

“He started talking to me more.”

“He didn’t already talk to you?” Richie’s eyebrow rose because how were you supposed to fall for a guy you barely talked to?

“Well, yeah, he talks to me.” The pad of Richie’s thumb that was drawing slow circles onto y/n’s knuckles turned into lines. Back and forth. Back and forth. “But he used to talk to me about classwork and… you know, like, school.” Richie smiled when she talked. He was happy for his friend. He truly was. But he couldn’t stand the fact that the guy she was talking about wasn’t him—let alone, his former best friend. “And in APUSH, instead of asking about my grade or whatever, he… asked about me.”

“What’d Mister Charming have to say?”

Mister Charming sat two seats away from y/n. But that didn’t stop him from talking to her. Every now and then, Bill would steal glances at the girl from his peripheral vision. Sometimes, if he were feeling bold, he’d turn to face her—but that action only occurred when she was speaking. Today, however, was different. Today he’d talk to her.

Lucky for Bill, the pencil sharpener sat in the back of class—close to where y/n’s seat was.

“Hey.”

y/n looked up from her textbook. She didn’t want to assume the hushed voice was for her—but she had to figure the tap on her shoulder was.

“Hi.” She set her pencil down and folded her arms flat on the desk. “What’s up?” y/n swore she sounded insane. Who says what’s up—

“Th-the sky.” Bill’s smile made cloudy days seem cloudless. “I was wuh-wondering ih—” He swallowed the trail of saliva that gathered in the back of his throat. “If… are yo-you and Ruh-Richie like…”

“No!” y/n said quickly and a little too loudly.

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Muh-maybe we cuh-could hang out… This Saturday work?” A stroke of nervousness flitted across his features for a second even though Bill didn’t have anything to be nervous about. The rest of y/n’s words got caught in her throat and she instinctively found herself writing down her number on the scratch piece of paper Mr. Ferguson passed out for notetaking.

“Call me.”

Bill did call. Which was precisely how y/n was stuck frozen in time; her back slanted against the door and her thoughts racing against one another.

She had two options at hand. Call Richie. Find Richie. Or wait it out for tomorrow when Bill’s same car would be in her driveway, waiting for her.

But a third option was already at y/n’s doorstep, contemplating ringing the doorbell.

Richie Tozier stood outside of y/n’s front door, palms sweaty and unusually anxious for confrontation. His pale fingers knotted together. It was their way of stalling from interacting with y/n for as long as possible—or as long as curfew would allow him to.

“Hey.” His stalling attempt was left unsuccessful when y/n opened the door. Ironically, he was just the person she had hoped to run into. “What are… what are you doing?”

“Me?” Richie’s eyebrows stitched together, and he pointed to himself with his index finger.

“You’re the only one here,” y/n deadpanned.

“I was just in the neighborhood, y’know. Doin’ neighborly things.”

“You don’t live in this neighborhood.” Richie feigned laughter but this time y/n didn’t laugh with him. “Seriously, Rich, why are you here? You knew I had my date with Bill and—”

“And what?” His tone grew firm, like it had grabbed her by the hand and urged whatever was eating at her insides out of her.

“And I don’t think you should be here, after I just got done with my date with somebody else!” y/n said with a shaky breath. She could feel her heartbeat almost burning through her chest that rose and fell harshly.

“How was it? Your date?” Richie had calmed down, but y/n didn’t.

“It went bad. Is that what you wanted to hear?” y/n muttered, but it could’ve been mistaken for a yell.

“No, why would you think—hold on. What’s up with you?” Richie’s hands stuffed themselves in his front pocket. His posture was hunched over, and his face now screwed together, trying to understand the girl standing before him.

“I don’t know.” The flame that had once ignited y/n’s lively spirits had died down. “I just. It didn’t go well, that’s all,” y/n said, unable to coax the words she actually wanted to say out of her lips.

“He wasn’t an asshole, was he?” Richie’s tone was protective—nothing y/n would expect from him two months ago when she’d gotten themselves into this mess.

“No! No.” y/n was complicated. First, she’d spew off about how her date was bad and now she was defending said date?

“God, y/n/n, can you just make up your mind?”

She could do that.

“You were right,” y/n declared.

“What?”

“Don’t make me say it again.” Her voice lowered to a whisper, but Richie could still make out what she was saying.

“Well, I’m always right, toots. I just need context—”

“About the fake dating thing. How eventually one person’s bound to fall for the other…” Her toes curled from under the white Converse she hadn’t had time to slip off. They were worn and the bottoms were yellowing from the number of times she’d matched them to an outfit. “And you don’t look like you’re on your knees, so.”

“So, what?” y/n didn’t notice the smirk edging on the corners of Richie’s lips.

“Tozier, don’t make me say it.”

“You have to, or God knows how long we’ll be standing on this fuckin’ porch,” Richie said patiently. Patient. Richie was never patient—always the one to urge his friends to hurry the fuck up, always the one to ask are we there yet? But this time he was. His figure stood still and ominous, like Santa on Christmas Eve. His breathing held steady in his lungs that had seen more smoke than his mother’s kitchen and his feet stood planted on the concrete stoop of y/n’s house and they’d stay there until she told him the very damned thing she didn’t want to.

“I like you, okay?” y/n knew if she blinked, the dam of tears in her eyes would finally burst and the last thing she wanted was having Richie Tozier see her cry. Well, second to last thing. The first thing on that list had already happened. “Look, I know you’re still in love with Van-Vanessa.” It hurt to say the girl’s name because she wasn’t just a girl, she was Richie’s ex. “But you asked me to say it and I did. So there.”

y/n was about to turn back. Back into her house and back out of this friendship. It was only because Richie laughed that y/n stopped. His chuckle was like music, not the kind that Richie blasted in his car with the windows down, but like a symphony. And if y/n were any less mortified right now, maybe she’d stop to admire it—him—for one second more.

She was about to ask why. Why are you mocking me when I’m so clearly in a vulnerable state right now? Why are you mocking me after I’d just shared something so deep and personal with the likes of you? About the likes of you? But y/n didn’t get the chance when Richie surged forward and pressed a kiss against her lips. She could feel her heart pick up even more at the taste of him: spearmint and tobacco. She thought it’d stabilize itself once his lips left hers, but it didn’t. His taste lingered and at the time it felt permanent, like a red stain on white furniture.

“Like I said. Ole Vanessa could never get in the way of you.” His breath hit her face, warm and intoxicating, and y/n could only think that kissing Richie on the lips was way better than kissing him on the cheek.

[outrbanxs]

uncovered - jj maybank

summary: ”where jj see’s you uncovered for the first time”

warning: mentions of body insecurities, unworthiness, slight smut ;) (and typos more than likely)

notes: okay so this is my first every writing piece! Not too sure how I went but I did get a bit carried away (oops). I just wanted to say that all the mentions of feeling a certain way about appearance were all based off of personal experience. I’m sorry if I portrayed it in the wrong way, as I know that body confidence and insecurities is something which everyone experiences differently. If you ever need somebody to talk to, please, please, please feel free to dm me at anytime <3

wc: 2573 

is this my first fic? sure. but i still made a taglist, so click the link if you wanna join :)

gif by: anakin-skywalker

You always wondered how you got so lucky with him. Between the rest of the pogues, you were clearly different in your appearance. Your friends had the classic Outer Banks body. Thin, tan, looks absolutely stunning in a bikini. You weren’t like that. The rest of your friend always tried their hardest to make you feel included and loved; they knew that you didn’t like how you look and that you compared yourself to them - it was hard for you not to.

But out of all the pogues, JJ was the one who adored you the most. He was the most aware of the way you were feeling and did everything in his power to make you feel as beautiful as possible. There were times when he could see how you were feeling before you even did. Like the times when you all went swimming in the marsh, but you were hesitant, with a towel wrapped around your body. He gave you a kiss on your head, gently unwrapped the towel from your body and then jumped into the water, with your hand in his. He was constantly giving you small kisses all of your face and hugging you in ways which you knew made you feel safe.

The thing was, that this always happened while you were swimming, while you had a bathing suit on. When you first started developing feelings for JJ, you tried to suppress them, for many reasons. But the reason you were most afraid was JJ having to see you naked. The thought of you being naked in front of someone else made you want to crawl out of your own skin.

But when JJ and you shared a kiss one night at the chateau, you couldn’t believe that he felt the same way. You thought that maybe he was just really drunk and had mistaken you for a random touron, but this wasn’t the case. You made sure that nothing went further than kissing that night, scared of what may have happened if you did. But when you two went back inside, you found a bedroom, and JJ sat down, patting his lap with his arms open, intending for you to climb on top. You froze in your spot. You knew that you couldn’t do it, sit on him and crush him. He could see the worry in your eyes. His heart broke at the sight of you being insecure. In his eyes, you were the most beautiful person in the entirety of obx.

“y/n, come here” he spoke, gently.

Your eyes moved to his eyes, where he looked at you with nothing but care and love. You moved to sit down next to him on the bed, with your eyes facing down to your hands in your lap. He moved one of his hands to intertwine with yours, squeezing it. Neither of you spoke, you could tell what he was saying by his touch. His thumb moved back and forth on your hand, which made you feel more serene. You let out a sigh and rested your head on his shoulder. He moved closer to you than he already was and you could feel the worry leave you. Being so close to him made you feel more safe and secure than you had felt in your whole life.

“You have nothing to be afraid of, you know that, right?” He said softly, resting his head on top of yours.

You paused for a few moments.

“I know, sometimes I just feel…” you trailed off.

“I know. I can tell. I hate that you feel the way you do.”

“I’m here though,” he continued. “I know that it takes time to break down the image that you have of yourself. I know that it’s not easy just to disregard the way that you feel. It might take some time, but I want you one day to look at yourself and see you the way that I see you.”

That night, JJ asked you to be his girlfriend. But what you didn’t know was that that night, JJ made a promise to himself. He wanted to do absolutely everything in his power to make you feel like a goddess. It broke him to know that you don’t like the way that you look, and he wanted to change that.

From that night onwards, JJ was forever trying to make you feel loved. He would compliment the way that you looked, no matter what you were wearing. He would say sweet nothings to you, which made you feel wanted and cared for. There was nothing that JJ could have done more to make you feel beautiful, and you did, for the first time in a very long time.

But you knew that you wanted to take things further with JJ. You knew that him going this long without sex was probably agonised for him, considering he was always getting with anyone with a heartbeat. But you admired the fact that he was waiting for you.

You two had spoken a few times about sex. He told you at the start of your relationship that he wanted you to be completely open and honest with him, no matter what it was about. He wanted to be 100% sure that you were okay with it before agreeing. He didn’t want you to feel like you were only doing it for him because he wanted to. But you were ready. Did the thought of it scare you? Yes. But you knew that there was no one else in the world you would want your first time to be with.

So one night, when your family was on the mainland for the night, you invited JJ over. You made sure that everything was perfect. There was no mess anywhere, the bedsheets were freshly washed and most importantly, you were wearing lingerie which made you feel beautiful. You had learnt that in order to believe anyone else when they called you beautiful, you had to feel that way. And wearing this did make you feel beautiful. You knew that you were ready.

When he arrived, you wasted no time getting to the bedroom. It was odd to you that you were this eager to do this, but something in you had sparked. JJ was surprised by your sudden eagerness but nonetheless carried on.

You sat down on your bed, with JJ next to you. You took a deep breath before continuing.

“I know that you have been patient with me, waiting until I was comfortable enough with myself to do this. But I’m ready now.”

“y/n…” he trailed out. “If you’re only saying this because you think I’m just eager for sex, you’re wrong. I promise that I’m fine with waiting for you. I know that this process may take a long time, but I’m okay with it. I promise you I’m fine. Please don’t-“. You cut him off.

“JJ, I promise; I’m ready.”

He studied your eyes intensely, with his eyebrows furrowed and a slight smirk on his face. I made you crack a smile, which made him laugh too.

“What?” You asked.

“I’m looking to see if you’re lying”

“JJ! I promise I’m not” you spoke over the top of your chuckle.

“Believe me, I’m ready” you spoke more softly, looking into his eyes with reassurance.

“Well, what are we waiting for then?” He spoke jokingly, suddenly hovering over you without breaking contact with your eyes. You had this sudden feeling of lust inside of you, something which you had never really felt before. But whatever it was, you liked it.

He lent down and began to give you gentle kisses all over your face, agonisingly missing your lips. He then trailed down to your neck, kissing everywhere, trying to find your sweet spot. You let out a slight moan when he kissed just below your ear, near your jaw. He let out a slight chuckle at your reaction, proud of himself. He continued to kiss over your sweet spot until a nice red mark was formed. You knew that it was going to be very visible the next day, but you didn’t care.

JJ trailed his kisses back up onto your face, still missing your lips. You were growing impatient with the lack of contact where you craved it so much. You let a groan pass your lip, and JJ knew exactly what you were asking for. He decided to give in, kissing you square on the lips. You both skipped the part of gentle kissing which you two normally did, and skipped straight to the part where JJ’s tongue was inside your mouth. You two had never kissed this deeply before, this intensely and with this much emotion. You were starting to understand why JJ would hook up with anyone he could - this was addicting.

After a few more minutes of intensely making out, JJ trailed his lips down to your chest. Your shirt was still on, scared to take it off. You were excited, however, to see JJ’s reaction to what you were wearing underneath.

“JJ, you can take it off” you breathed out, anticipating what was coming next.

He looked back up at you and locked eyes. You knew that in that very moment, he had nothing but love and care for you.

“Are you sure about this? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to” he asked carefully, both of you guys still panting from the kisses before.

You nodded assuringly. “I’m ready.”

He nodded briefly, trailing his hands down to the bottom of your shirt. You sat up slightly so that he could take it off more easily. He ripped it off in one motion, but as soon as you felt the cold air hit your bare stomach, you felt sickening. You suddenly lost all feeling of lust and crave, that was now replaced with anxiousness and doubt. JJ didn’t notice straight away though, his eyes were fixated on the lacy red bra that was underneath your shirt. His eyes widened, definitely not expecting to see what he saw. He looked back up and you, but your eyes were shut tight, now brimming with tears.

JJ’s attitude changed the moment he saw the way which you were feeling. He felt his heart literally break into two.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he repeated, making his way back up to the same level as your face.

“y/n, it’s okay, we don’t have to do this.”

“No.” You said abruptly, with your eyes still closed.

“I want to do this, trust me I do,” you said, with your breathing still all over the place. “I wanted to and I thought I was going to be okay. I worked myself up to do this, and I wore this bra and everything to make me feel beautiful and I genuinely thought I was going to be able to do this. But as soon as I felt the air hit my chest, I-I..” You trailed off. You were trying not to make yourself cry; you were trying to hold back the tears, knowing that if you let yourself cry, you weren’t going to be able to continue. And God, did you want to continue.

“I know this is scary,” he said, holding both of your hands and rubbing his thumb along them, the same way he did the first time the two of you had this conversation. “I know this is going to be challenging for you to do. I understand that it’s going to hard to let down some of the walls which you have built up, but know that I still think that your body is perfect just the way that it is. It makes you, you. The same y/n who I adore, the same y/n who I want to make feel as loved as possible.”

You knew that at that moment, there was nothing that was going to stop you from feeling connected to JJ. As much as it scared you, you did believe that JJ saw you differently to how you saw yourself. And you know that it is going to take some time to overcome the way that you currently feel, but you also know that you want nothing else than to be close to JJ.

“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry” you apologised quietly. You opened your eyes, only to find a pair of blue eyes already looking at you.

“Don’t apologise,” he said softly.

“You’re right, I want to do this. I just need to get over the initial fear. I didn’t think it would actually be this hard,” you commented, with a breathy chuckle.

“Everything takes time.”

You continued to look at each other's eyes for a few more moments. You still couldn’t believe that a man as gorgeous as JJ would be your own.

When you knew that the moment was right, you nodded at JJ, giving him permission to continue. He looked back at you, weary about if you were being honest. You smiled back at him truthfully, knowing that he would do his absolute best to make you feel the most loved.

He moved away from the level of your face, turned around and threw his legs over the top of yours, straddling you again in the same position that you were before.

“Know, let’s talk about this,” he said eagerly, looking back down at the bra that made him speechless before, making you laugh. You knew that you were head over heels for this man.

He continued to kiss every inch of your stomach. He especially took his time over your stretch marks. They weren’t the ‘cute’ white ones which every person seems to get. Yours were purple, large and evident everywhere on your lower half. Although you had never mentioned this, JJ knew that you were especially insecure about them.

After more kissing, he focused his attention back towards your bra. His hand grabbed onto one of your boobs, the other he had his mouth over, kissing it. It was at that moment where the lust returned and the moment was heated again.

For the rest of the night, JJ did everything in his power to make you feel and beautiful as you could. He caressed you so passionately, full of love. He took extra time making you feel secure with yourself when he moved to the lower half of your body. When he took your shorts off, he laid kisses all over your thighs.  Even throughout the most intimate of moments, ones where JJ would usually be going all out, he made sure to keep himself in line, never stopping from caressing you and kissing you.

After you both had reached your climax, JJ walked over to your bathroom, grabbed a towel and dampened it with warm water and came back to bed to make sure that you were clean. He laid gentle kisses over every part of your body that he cleaned, commenting something unique about each part of your body, something positive. Afterwards, you two cuddled up with each other, content in each other's arms. You started to believe JJ and the things which he said about you. You started to think that maybe one day, it would be possible for you to love yourself the way that JJ loves you. And that was all that JJ could ever ask for.

[jjaybank]

𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐭 • 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐢𝐱

𝘚𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭

Masterlist

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader  (mentions of John B. x Reader) Summary:  You are a backpacker who has wound up staying in the Outer Banks for a while and being taken in by the Pogues. Starved of love, JJ struggles with the realisation that he’s falling for his friend. Hard.  In which John B is one of the best of friends  A/N: In my head The Pogues are like in their early twenties in this okay, so humour me.  It’s 4.20am and i’ve just finished this chapter pls don’t let it flop omg. Warnings: Some swearing, and passing mentions of drugs and alcohol Word Count: 2.7K

Taglist  @danicarosaline @sspidermanss @teamnick @x-lulu @pancakefancake @plantsarenice-love @mybnkjj @1believe-in-your-self1 @thistreasurehunter @pixelated-pogues @moldisgoodforyou @jellyfishbeansontoast  @otrbnks​

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You wake with a start.  You don’t really remember much of the previous night.  You know that at some point John B had convinced you to move inside, out of the storm.   You also think that he may have sat with you while you spilled your feelings for JJ out incomprehensibly.  You can’t remember exactly it was that you said, which horrifies you.  You scrunch up your face, slightly mortified at your display of emotions.  It was out of character for you, and you would have to apologise to John B for both the outburst, and the inconvenience your altercation with JJ was going to cause within the group.   Your heart sinks, recalling the dramatics of your standoff in the centre of the storm.  Your throat tightens at the memory of the blue-eyed boy staring you down with pure betrayal shining in his eyes.  You rub your face groggily and groan at the splitting headache that’s expanding within your skull.  That’s what you get for crying all night you think, pulling yourself reluctantly from the bed in John B’s spare room.   It’s a tangle of sheets and blankets, an illustration of how restlessly you slept. You catch sight of yourself in the grimy mirror that hangs lopsided on the wall.  Your eyes are so puffy and irritated from the tidal wave of tears they produced that your irises are barely slits in your face.  You laugh despite yourself; you look ridiculous and quite frankly, pathetic.  

The shack feels awfully quiet as you make your way through to the kitchen. The storm had almost subsided, only the odd sharp gust of wind now shook the windows.  A nice break from the incessant beating they received during the night.  You note that yours and Pope’s patchy attempts at strengthening the window frame with all that duct tape had worked, and smile to yourself at the small victory. There is, however, a massive leak in the roof of the living area.  That’s where you find John B.   He is standing on a wobbly looking chair, inspecting the damage.  He has a bucket in his hands and is attempting to catch all the rainwater that is draining off the roof and directly onto the sofa.  You watch him for a moment, a bemused look on your face.  He notices you suddenly, and almost topples straight off the chair. The bucket crashes to the ground, spilling brackish looking water all over the wooden floorboards.    ‘Fuck! He yells, ‘Y/N, you just gave me the fright of my life.’ He steadies himself by putting his palms flat against the ceiling. ‘Sorry, I didn’t realise my face looked quite that horrific.’ You quip, helping him down from the chair before going to the kitchen to find a mop.   John B hurries after you, backpedalling massively.  You realise that he’s looking at you in a way that suggests he thinks you could explode at any given moment.   You raise your hand in an attempt to calm his onslaught of unnecessary apologies, and he finally quiets.    ‘It’s okay, John B, I’m okay.’ You say, too brightly.   He looks pointedly at your puffy eyes and knotted hair, concern vividly apparent on his face. ‘Really.’ You reiterate.   You try to push past him, mop in hand, but he steps back into your path.  You sigh, exasperated. ‘Y/N,’ he says cautiously, ‘do you remember the things you said last night?’ A lump catches in your throat and a spark of fear flickers across your face.  All you can recall is a whirlwind of pain and the salty trace of tears on your lips. You shake your head warily. John B reaches over and takes the mop from you gently. ‘C’mon, I’ll make you breakfast.’  You sit on the kitchen counter nursing a mug of coffee as John B whirls around making you up some eggs. ‘You really want me to tell you everything?’ he asks for the third time.  ‘Yes.’ You try to say it firmly, but you still sense the waver in your voice giving away the nerves twisting inside and eating you up.    ‘Okay, so first of all you tell me you’re in love with JJ.’ Wow, you think, he’s really going straight in there. ‘How do you feel about that?’ He asks. The matter-of-fact tone in his voice shocks you a bit.  Why was there no surprise? No shock in this ground-breaking revelation.  He hands you a plate of scrambled egg and buttery toast.  You take it thankfully, but quickly realise you’re not really very hungry. You swing your legs nervously, avoiding his intent stare. 

‘I’m not sure if it’s love-’ you start, and John B shocks you both by audibly scoffing. He slaps a hand over his mouth, ‘no go on’ he insists. ‘Hang on, no, what was that?!’ you protest, aiming a kick at his shin from your vantage point.   He raises both hands in surrender before  running his hands through his hair and pushing his fingers to his temples.  You keep a scrutinising eye on him.  What on earth was going on?  ‘It’s obvious, Y/N.’ John B sighs finally. He leans against the counter next to you and picks up a half-nibbled crust of toast from your plate.  He chews at it thoughtfully, and you can almost see the cogs working in his brain.    ‘You and JJ, you have always had this, uh I dunno, a connection?  Would you agree?’  He points the crust at you. You nod slowly, chasing eggs around your plate with your fork. ‘Okay, so the two of you, I think, have very slowly developed something – feelings?’ You open your mouth to speak. ‘No, no- let me finish.’ You snap it shut again with a huff. ‘He was hurt by the idea that there was something going on here’ he was indicating between the two of you, ‘and you know JJ, with vulnerability comes fear, and he was afraid of being rejected.’ ‘Wait, what?’ ‘He’s scared of losing you, Y/N, and I think he feels he’s gotten himself in too deep.  But he’s not ever gunna admit that.’ Your mind was running a million miles a minute. When you can finally speak it’s barely a whisper. ‘You think he feels it too?’   ‘Yes.’ John B says confidently, and you search the boy’s eyes and are soothed to find that there is sincerity swimming in them. You sit in silence for a while, mulling over everything John B had said. How had you been so slow to notice what was happening between yourself and one of your closest friends?  Perhaps you were the same as JJ – maybe you were terrified of the prospect of loss. ‘Do you want me to tell you everything else you said?’ John B asks abruptly, breaking your train of thought. ‘Absolutely not. ~  You spend the rest of the morning helping clear up outside The Chateau.  There are branches and debris everywhere, it had taken you well over an hour to clear one small portion of the yard and you wish that you had more pairs of hands to help with the labour.    As if on cue, the VW rolls into the driveway. You feel a pang of panic in your stomach, bile rising in your throat, as you recall the events of the previous day playing out in the very spot you stood now. You look over at John B and he shoots you an encouraging look. JJ doesn’t look at you when he walks across the yard.   He’s wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and it pleases you slightly to see that he had also had a rough night.  He looks exhausted and his eyes are red.  Whether that’s from weed or tears, you can’t confirm, but whatever it is he does not look great. He doesn’t talk to either of you, but rather just starts helping you clear up.  You and John B exchange looks but don’t say a word.   You work in silence for what feels like an age before you’re pretty confident that most of the ruin has been either repaired or thrown out.   You slump down on the pontoon as John B and JJ haul the HMS Pogue back into the water.  The marsh is still fairly choppy but the little boat will be safe in there now. ‘Whatcha thinking, Y/N’ John B asks loudly, taking both you and JJ by surprise.  You look out at the horizon, chewing the inside of your lip. ‘I’m thinking that I ought to go and check out my place’.   You twist your face into a grimace and pick at a tuft of lichen that’s growing in between the wooden slats next to you.   ‘It’s gonna be wrecked after that belter.’ You run your hands over your face, attempting to mentally prepare yourself for the ruin. ‘Tell you what,’ says John B, ’why don’t you go with JJ and sort out your place? I can handle everything else here on my own.’ You both stare at him, mouths slightly agape.   Your heart pummels against your ribcage, and you think you might vomit.  ‘Look, you two have got a tonne of shit to talk about, and you’d be killing two birds with one stone.’   You get to your feet hesitantly, trying to make eye contact with JJ but he’s boring a hole into the ground with his eyes.   You roll your eyes at John B and climb aboard the Pogue.   JJ doesn’t move.   John B steps forward and nudges JJ in the back with his index finger.   JJ scowls at him.   ‘Oh, you know what, fuck this.’ You say suddenly, throwing your arms up in defeat.   You reach over to release the mooring lines of the Pogue from the jetty and experience a white-hot sear of pain as you clash heads with JJ.   John B winces and swallows his laughter.     You rub you head tenderly, settling in front of the steering wheel as JJ jumps aboard.   ‘If I’m coming, I’m steering.’ He says roughly and you shoot him a glare but make your way to the bow of the boat.  ‘Please don’t drown each other.’ John B calls, as he waves you off and hopes that this isn’t the last time he ever sees you in one piece. ~  The trip to your shack is a quiet one. You don’t even dare look back at JJ, you can feel his eyes wearing into the back of your head.  But when you do finally round the corner of the marsh you can’t help but let out an anguished cry.   The devastation that lies before your eyes was even worse that you had anticipated. Your tiny little home doesn’t really exist anymore, in the sense that the structure has completely gone.  You can see what remained of your belongings scattered along the beach.  Yours and John B’s efforts had been rendered fruitless, and although you had prepared yourself for the worst, you feel heavy tears stinging your eyes.  You wipe them away angrily as you approach the jetty.    Once you’re on dry land you instantly start up the beach, collecting sodden items of clothing and pieces of your house on the way.  When you reach where your little beach shack had once stood, you drop the little bundle that you had salvaged and drop to your knees.   The angry guise evaporates, and JJ is there in an instant - he always is. You feel his arm around you, and he pulls you against him as you let the tears fall. ‘I don’t really know what I expected,’ you laugh sadly, ‘it only had a little tin roof.’ You stick out your bottom lip as you spot said tin roof, discarded by the wind some forty feet away. ‘I’ll be honest Y/N,’ JJ says softly, ‘I’m surprised it lasted this long.’ You nod in agreement and the two of you get to your feet and begin rummaging through the wreckage to gather the few things that you didn’t take with you the day before. You recover a couple of books, they’re water damaged but you insist that you want to dry them out. You pull your old travelling backpack out of the debris and begin stuffing your few remaining items into it.   JJ pulls one of the flimsy walls away from the heap of the shack and starts going through all the accessible drawers and cupboards.  There’s not much left for him to unearth but he does find your trusty walking boots which he launches across the rubble at you. ‘Careful.’ You warn. But he doesn’t reply.  He’s frozen in place, looking down at something in his hands.  ‘What, JJ, what is it?’ You ask, trying to peer over his shoulder at what he’s holding. ‘You kept it.’ He says quietly, and you frown in confusion.   You clamber over the wreckage and kneel down beside him.  In his hands he holds a small but perfectly formed shell.  Your face lights up in an instant. Your mind flashes back to that first day on the beach, the day you became a Pogue.    You remember sitting in the soft sand, a slightly warm beer in your hand.  John B was trying to get a fire started and you were all laughing at him for how badly he was failing.  You’d offered to go and find more firewood and JJ had volunteered to come along.  Kie was slightly disgruntled as you were her friend, but JJ had been insistent.  ‘Can’t let the Touron get lost now can we’ he’d explained.    ‘JJ.  It’s a beach.’ You had retorted, deadpan.   The two of you had walked much of the stretch of the beach and you had a substantial bundle of firewood gathered in your arms. JJ had stooped suddenly and when he came back up to face you, he held out a simple yet perfect shell, ‘For you,’ he had grinned, ‘so you don’t forget about us.’ You had smiled so widely, and assured him that you would never forget them, not in a blue moon. He’d put the shell in your pocket for you, so you didn’t have to put down your collection of sticks.    ‘I hope you stay here for a while, Y/N’ he had said. ‘I do too.’  JJ was looking up at you now, under his floppy mess of blonde hair.  His eyes are swimming with questions, he looks like he might cry. ‘Why did you keep it?’ He asks.   His voice is so serious that you don’t know how to respond.  So you do the only thing you can think of.   You kiss him.  His eyes are wide with shock for a moment before he sinks into your embrace.  His lips are chapped, and he tastes like the ocean.   His hands find your face, your hair, but he never drops the shell.  It sits in his palm as his finger tangle themselves into your tresses.   You relax into him in a way you don’t think you ever have before – so utterly at peace. Like it is the most natural thing in the world.  Meanwhile you heart is bursting out of your chest and there are sparks flying around your head.  You wonder if he can feel them.  His lips move against yours so softly.  He brushes his tongue against your bottom lip ever so lightly, testing the waters, working out what is acceptable. You open your mouth to his, deepening into him, savouring him.   You wish for this feeling of pure bliss to never come to an end. When JJ pulls away his eyes are searching yours desperately.  He needs a confirmation, something solid.  You nod reassuringly, touching your fingertips to his face, tracing his jaw. ‘Say it.’ He whispers ‘I want you, JJ’ you murmur, running a thumb across his bottom lip, ‘I think I always have.’ His face lights up and he grabs your face in his hands, sending the shell skittering across the beach. ‘Shit!’ He gasps, leaping to his feet and scampering after it. You smile, your bottom lips caught between your teeth and you watch the boy who makes your heart skip a beat give chase after a shell.  ‘You better fucking find that.’ You yell after him.  And while there is still so much to work out between the two of you, you feel your first real breath of relief in weeks.  And amid the ruin of your storm torn house, you are so undoubtedly happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I really enjoyed writing it!!  I had to repost it because Tumblr just refused to work so I am so sorry about that!   Please let me know what you think x

[jaxxandcomet]

JJ x Reader the shark

requested : nah ( please request )

trigger warning : blood, blood, blood, pain, more blood,  slight sexual intentions, shark bites/wounds, just more blood  

summary : a cut on your thigh is one thing, but when blood starts to stain the oceans water, jj and the pogues know its another

word count : 2050 or something like that 

∞

Of course, swimming and surfing were your two favorite things to do, especially with your boyfriend, JJ, and the Pogues. And this day, it was the best day to go swimming.  

This was normally the perfect day. Getting into your car, you felt something snag the skin on your thigh and saw a tiny trickle of blood coming from a small cut. Shrugging it off, and wiping up the blood already on your leg with a tissue, you turned on your vehicle and made your way towards John B’s. 

His house was where you spent most of your time, in fact, nearly all of it. With your parents out on business all the time, you were basically out to fend for yourself. JJ had realized this and told John B, who said you could stay over any time. 

Pulling into the Chateau you turn off the engine of your car and hop out. You have on a crop top with frilled small straps at the top and an ivory color, and light blue canvas shorts that go to about six inches above your knee. You hear talking as you make your way into John B’s screen porch. It smells of beer, weed, mint and for some reason, blood. You look down at your thigh again and see the blood is gushing out, and now as you look at it, the pain comes clawing back. 

“Who’s here?” Pope says and you turn your head to the door, just as your sitting down, reaching for a tissue box.

“Just Y/N, sorry I didn’t tell you I was here. Where is everyone?” You ask, digging around in the box for a tissue and find the very last one hiding in the corner. 

“JJ, John B, and me. What happened to your leg?” Pope asks and calls for JJ to come out. 

“Shit,” you breath, grasping the tissue and pulling it out as blood stains your white socks. 

JJ comes outside just as you are about to put the tissue on the cut, his bright blue eyes scrunch as he beams at you. He’s wearing a light navy blue cotton tee shirt, and, of course, board shorts. Sandy blonde hair flies around his head. 

“Hey chief,” he says, calling you his pet nickname. You smile faintly as the tissue begins to get soaked. Your hair billows down around your face to concentrate on the cut. 

“Hey captain. Are there any more tissues out here?” Pressing the tissue down harder, the blood seeps into it, staining your fingers red. 

“I’ll go look.” Pope says, turning around so quick his dark red beach button down tee shirt billows. 

“Thanks Pope,” you yell at him, but he’s gone, and JJ bends down next to you, examining the cut. 

“Fuck, what happened? Doesn’t look too good,” he observes and you let out a laugh. His eyes glance up at you and you feel queasy from how good he looks. His smile is enough to melt you. 

Pope returns and tosses JJ the tissue as you drop the now soaked and fully red one into the trash can, next to the table with a few empty beer bottles. 

“When I stepped into the car on the way here I scraped it against something. I don’t know what, but fuck, it hurts now.” You say as JJ grabs a tissue and starts to press gently on the cut, Pope looks excited, and you remember how he loves blood and guts from his forensic science obsession. If you ever got like, a real, big wound, Pope would probably drool. 

“Hey guys.” John B says as he walks out of the door, tipping his head to glance at what JJ was doing on the floor, and then finally understanding. “Fuck Y/N, what happened?” You retold the story to John B, and then again to Ki as she arrived. 

JJ had stopped the bleeding for now and applied a band aid to the cut, as you all grabbed your things and headed towards the HMS Pogue. Its a the ramshackle boat that John B inherited from his father, Big John, just after he disappeared at sea. 

Getting onto the boat, you almost slip and fall, but JJ grabs your arm and pulls you upright. 

“I think you clumsy because of the loss of blood from that cut,” you give JJ a laugh as Pope corrects him. His eyes are wide and his pupils big as he holds your hand. 

“Actually, you have to loss-” he starts but John B covers his mouth to stop him.

“I knew that.” JJ says, trying to hide his mistake. Its funny when he does that. 

A few minutes later, your sitting on the side of the boat as Pope sits steering. Your sandy haired boyfriend smiles, rubbing your back in soothing figure eights. His touch always make you feel happy, and now as you move to lay with your head in his lap, today could be heaven. 

Sea smelling wind rushes your senses, and your hair billows around you. You tell JJ about the shape of the clouds as you travel through the marsh. He keeps smiling at you, his eyes wide with delight as he rubs figure eights all over your back. Someone hands him and joint and he starts to smoke it, before giving you a go. Today, for the first time, you don’t cough. He looks proud. 

Pope stops the boat just outside of the marsh, and you strip out of your crop top and shorts. You feel someone looking at you, and see JJ staring. Your face turns red as he cheekily grins, his sharp teeth looking almost bared at you. You come over to him and help his shirt off, and cringe when you notice the still healing bruise on his ribcage. 

“Don’t worry chief, its the same one from last week.” He says, noticing your worry. Fathers still should never be able to hit their children, or mothers, or brothers, or boyfriends or sisters or girlfriends.You reach up and kiss him before John B playfully slaps your arm. 

“No pogue on pogue macking.” He jokes and you grin. 

“I call first jump!” You yell, shifting around to fall off the boat before anyone else. You always love the feeling of bubbles surrounding you as your friends jump in. Something you’ve only ever told the sandy haired boy about. 

You dive into the water gracefully, kicking your legs to the top and to where the water gets lighter colored. Its always calm under there for you. 

Then, just as you reach the top, pain erupts from your thigh, and you see the blood quickly soaking into the water. Its the worst feeling you’ve ever gotten. Like daggers stabbing at you all over the top of your right leg. Like a million bee stings in every square inch. 

A scream erupts from your mouth, followed by another and then a flurry of swear words. The pain is getting worse and it doubles as whatever caused you to feel it strikes again. You sink under and then again, the pain worsens by a million fold. 

You try and paddle to the water, and then see a flurry of bubbles as someone tugs you up. The pain in your thigh is streaking white in your vision, making it hard to think, or even breath. Salt water stings the already hell like pain and you scream again. 

It takes you more then a few seconds to see that its JJ hauling you back onto the HMS as Pope grabs you and lays you down on the bottom.  

“Oh fucking shit. Shit. Shit,” JJ looks worried as the pain worsens and you grimace. Finally risking a glance down at your thigh. Another scream erupts from your mouth at you see the blood is already covering the floor of the HMS, and deep, sharp teeth and rip marks surround your thigh. Your sure that whatever happened caused the bone to be showing. 

Kie almost faints and Pope lets a tear shake from his eye and John B stomps and bends down. 

“What the fuck happened?” JJ asks as you begin to feel light headed. 

“No time!” Pope declared and grabs a basket of towels and quickly starts pressing on the wound. 

“Shit. Shit. Shit,” JJ says, bending down as you start to shake. Your laying in your own blood. 

“Someone please grab the medical kit.” Pope says as the first towel gets soaked through, he grabs another quickly and John B rushes to find it. Pain is seering through your body, and your head and neck begins to pound. 

JJ grabs your hand and sits down, “your going to be okay chief. Your going to be okay. I promise. I love you chief. Your going to be okay Y/N.” You try to nod as fatigue hits your body, but JJ gets closer to your face. 

“Don’t fall asleep now chief. Look at me. Don’t fucking fall asleep. Look at my eyes.” JJ says as you see John B rush to your side, and Pope grabs the bottle of rubbing alcohol. He unscrews the lid but its never been used before, and the small plastic thing on the top is still there. It takes him a few long moments to pull off the wrapping, and in that time, the pain triples. 

“Hurry the fuck up Pope. She’s loosing conciseness.” JJ yells and you flinch. 

“I’m trying JJ.” Kie grabs the bottle and pulls it off with shaking hands before handing it back down to JJ. 

“Put something in her mouth. Its going to hurt a lot.” Pope said, and you feel yourself start to tremble. 

“3,2,1,” Pope says and you feel the pain in a heartbeat. Its a seering, hard, whipping pain. Hundreds of millions of bee stings in every single square inch and two thousand knife stabs everywhere. All at the same time. 

You bite down hard and JJ squeezes your hand. A few seconds later, they flip you over to get the back of your leg as well. The pain worsens as Pope and Kie start to press down to try and stop the bleeding. 

“What a fucking murder scene chief.” JJ said.  

∞

A few days later, you lay on JJ’s bed, head lolled back as Pope redoes the bandages. Its been hard to speak because of the pain, and after the doctors stitched you up at the hospital, you’ve mostly been in JJ’s room, with him next to you as you cry silent tears. 

Today though, everyone sits around you. JJ sitting upright next to you, John B at the end of the bed, and Ki on the swivel chair. They all watch in group horror as you sob when Pope unwraps the bandage. Its already bled through. JJ leans down and kisses you, his face full of worry. A few minutes later, and a few kisses later, your in new bandages and the gang sits around you, Pope settling in on your left side. 

“So what happened?” Most of the group already had an idea because of what the doctor had said, but you’d been falling in and out of conciseness for the past couple of days and completely at the hospital. JJ was the one who asked this time. 

“I think it was a shark. Got a smell or taste or something of the cut on my thigh and bite me three times.” 

“Shit.” Your boyfriend said. 

“I’m so sorry,” Kie said, rubbing your foot supportively. JJ kissed a tear away. 

“Its the worst thing I’ve ever felt.” You say, understating it. Its hard to understand pain when you’re not feeling it. 

“With you guys here, I feel better,” you say and Kie comes over to hug you, followed by John B, JJ, and Pope. Your friends. 

∞ 

okay shit. that actually is okay? i’m maybe thinking of redoing the ones i just wrought before because they were ughhhh. any who, here is goes. i have a thing for being a bit dramatic and i like when people get worried about characters, any who 

a and c

[lifesucksheres20bucks]

“I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me” with reddie 🥺

THIS TOOK SO LONG AND IM SORRY ITS BEEN SITTINNG IN MY INBOX FOR MONTHS

Gosh im sorry but HC are the only motivation I have right now :/

- the losers are now in college/uni

- They are all spread around the states

- Stan, Eddie, Bev and Ben are on the east coast and Richie, Bill and Mike are on the west coast

- They made a pact before moving that they would meet for their spring break every year and would rent out a house or cottage so they can all stay together for the week

- They decided that Nyc would be the best option for their first vacation together, bc 3 of them were already close to the city

- Except for Bev and eddie, who live together, most of the losers haven’t seen eachother since the summer

- They had all matured a bit and blossomed into young adult, but Eddie is the one who changed the most

- When he gained freedom from his mother, he slowly came to terms with his sexuality and himself.

- He dressed, ate and partied the way he wanted. It was so freeing to have proper control of his life, without having his mother analyzing his every breath (even though he has to give her daily updates of his life (he lies a lot about what he’s doing))

- Richie was the last one to arrive at the airport and all the losers were waiting for him

- They were all jumping on him the second he past the gates and were acting like a bunch of children

- Since they were first year/ broke af students they decided to squeeze in bev and eddie’s apartment.

- Bev and ben were staying together bc they started dating in their senior year

- Mike and stan took the pullout couch and bill, smirking at richie decided to sleep on the single blowup matress near the couch

- That meant richie and eddie would be sharing a bed

- That shouldn’t have bothred richie, because they had done it numerous times before but for some reason, he was extremely nervous

- (He knew why: he had ben hopelessly in love with eddie since the 8th grade and you know what they say: distance makes the heart grow fonder)

- (Also, he had never seen eddie so confident and himself??? Couldnt deny how much more in love he was because of that)

- On the first night, everyone got absolutely hammered

- Since everyone was extra loud, no one really noticed richie keeping mostly to himself

- Everyone except for beverly, she knew something was wrong with him

- So doing the most bev thing ever, she offered them a smoke and they went to the roof to smoke alone

- “Whats wrog trashmouth?”

- “Theres nothing wrong with me, red! What about yourself? How are you and old Ben doing?”

- “We’re fine, but don’t change the subject you dick. I know somethings bothering you.”

- “Ugh, why are you always so observant. Just ignore me like everyone else does, pretend I don’t have any emotions.”

- “It’s hard to do when you’re sulking like a baby. I thought you wanted to be a great actor, but you can’t even fake being happy!”

- “Low blow, Marsh. Way to kick a man when he’s down”

- “Aha! So there is something bothering you. Just tell me so we can stop being so in touch with our feelings.”

- “I forgot how comforting you are...”

- Bev hit richie in the arm and gave him a stern look saying she was done fucking around

- “Okay okay, god. I uhm, remember when I called you and said I was over Eddie? Well I’m not, not by a log shot”

- “Oh Richie...”

- “Don’t “oh Richie” me, it’s fine. Im just dying inside, no big deal.”

- “Rich, i told you hundreds of times, you have to tell him. You never know, he might feel the same way.”

- “Are you kidding me? Have you seen him? He’s beautiful and radiant, he could probably have any guy in New York, why the fuck would he want me.”

- “ because your his Richie..”

- With that bev put out her cigarette and left Richie alone on the roof with his thoughts

- He must have stayed longer than anticipated because next thing he knew, he heard footsteps behind him

- “ the city lights are beautiful aren’t they?”

- Richie’s heart started to beat faster, as his head wipped to smile at the boy behind him

- “Yeah they’re beautiful but not as beautiful as your mom”

- “Fuck you, Rich, you’re an idiot”

- “Yeah maybe I am...”

- “Why are you acting so weird?”

- “I’m not acting weird?”

- “Yeah you are! You’ve been here for 6 hours and that was your first “your mom” joke! Something is terribly wrong with you”

- “I promise you eds, I’m A-ok”

- “A-ok? Who the fuck says that! Rich, I won’t leave till you tell me whats wrong”

- “Nothing’s wrong Eddie! Leave me alone, already!”

- “ fuck off, i told you, I’m not leaving! i don’t care if you’re a stobborn shit, im way more stubborn than you and I’m not fucking leaving”

- “I-I can’t tell you, Eds. Just, please let it go”

- The tone of Richie’s plea made Eddie rush to his side.

- “Richie, please just talk to me. We can get through this right? Together, like always.”

- “Eds, this is different. This is my issue, don’t worry about me”

- “You know I’m going to worry, you’re my best friend Rich. We always deal with problems together, always”

- “IT’S NOT THAT SIMPLE EDDIE! JUST STOP TRYING”

- “ ‘Chee, please, I’m just trying to help you. Don’t push me away. I think I’m going to go back down. I’m here if you wanna talk”

- “I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me” Richie blurted out

- Eddie stopped in his track and richie wanted to run off the building side

- It had been a solid 30 seconds of complete silence and Richie wanted to Die

- “Say it again” Eddie whispered

- “What?”

- “Say it again, Rich”

- ““I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me”

- Eddie slowly turned around and walked towards a frozen Richie

- “Say it again”

- ““I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the-“

- Eddie grabbed Richie’s face and pulled him down so their foreheads were touching

- “I think I love you too, Richie”

- This time Richie was the confident one and closed the gap between

- The kiss felt like it lasted an eternity but also not long enough

- They were interrupted with whistles and applause coming from behind them and the losers were all standing there cheering them on

- “Gosh it took you guys long enough!” Stan yelled

- “You guys are going to regret it because we’re going to be making out and having sexy times all week long” Richie yelled back

- “Fuck this, I’m flying back home” Bill sighed

- To the losers dismay, Richie kept his promise...

[virtueangel]

limitless.

chapter nine.

wc: 2,350. original publish date: october 19, 2020. 

The morning fog is crisp against the windows of the car, condensation bubbling against the glass.

"Do you actually have a plan, or are we just driving willy-nilly?"

JFK grins at his reflection in the rearview mirror. "I have a plan!"

Van Gogh glares at the boy playfully.

"Okay, that plan might involve driving willy-nilly."

"Well, I guess that's still technically a plan..." Vincent laughs. And then, "Wait, I actually have a legitimate idea."

"No you don't," Kennedy jokes.

This earns him another glare from his best friend. "Did you see the general store when we first drove in?"

JFK nods. "You think they'd have stuff there?"

Vincent shrugs. "It's worth a shot. I mean... someone's gotta be living in this town, right?"

"Well, they don't have to do anything. It really could just be abandoned."

"So why are the roads so fresh?"

"Fresh?"

Gogh rolls his eyes impatiently. "You know what I mean. Clean. Maintained."

JFK goes silent, and at first Van Gogh worries that he's been too pushy, too pretentious, but Kennedy is only thinking.

"Maybe there's a groundskeeper," he suggests, and Vincent looks up at him with knit brows.

"One, for a whole town?" He sits back in his seat. "That hardly seems feasible."

John shrugs, keeping his eyes on what he can see of the road. "The wear in the houses is... I don't know. Formulaic, I guess is the word."

Vincent raises an eyebrow at the boy. "Maybe you mean fabricated?"

JFK nods eagerly. "Yes! Fabricated! That's exactly the word!"

Van Gogh snorts. "What, like someone built this hellhole to look the way it does?"

"It doesn't sound ridiculous coming from your mouth."

"Maybe not, but it would sound ridiculous coming from yours."

Kennedy shoves the boy playfully. "Asshole."

Vincent shoves him back, but doesn't throw an insult.

The boys drive in pleasant silence for a few moments longer, both sitting contentedly in their pyjamas, the seat heaters turned up to high. The windows are fogged over and Van Gogh draws a smiley face with his finger, dotting the eyes so firmly his bent finger turns yellow.

"You know that won't come off without, like, Windex or something, right?"

Vincent flashes his most innocent smile. "Oops."

JFK grins without looking at the boy, and Gogh's breath catches at the sight of his Colgate-white teeth.

"We're here," Kennedy says not a minute later, the low rumble of the car engine ceasing. He and Van Gogh unbuckle their seatbelts at the same time; they seem always to be in unison.

The wooden porch is wet and soft, lichen eating away at it. The door is hanging lopsided off the hinges, but only just enough; there's nothing wrong with the hardware.

"Looks like someone hung it like that on purpose," Vincent mutters as he walks through the door.

JFK turns around, his lips parting in satisfaction. "Told you."

"No, John, you did not 'tell me' anything. This is one bang-up job. Next you're gonna say someone planted the lichen on the porch?"

Kennedy lengthens his gaze to the deck. "It's possible."

Van Gogh rolls his eyes. "You're incorrigible."

"And you're fastidious."

"That's not even how you use that word!"

"Fastidious!" JFK insists.

The boys bicker all the way through the store, picking whatever looks edible off the shelves. Vincent checks a few expiration dates, and most of the refrigerated items have gone bad, but the shelved items are still safe to eat. He makes JFK carry it all, and to his pleasant surprise, the boy doesn't protest.

"Are we just supposed to steal all of this?" Gogh asks, concern washing over his face.

"There's no cashier."

"I know. That's what prompted the thought."

John looks around some more. "We could leave a note and check back tomorrow," he suggests, which is a real solution. Van Gogh didn't think he had it in him.

"Do you have a pen and paper?"

JFK peers over the counter and nods toward something. "Behind the cash register is a stack of Post-Its and a Sharpie. I obviously can't get it, with all the shit you made me hold."

Vincent rolls his eyes. "Everything's so difficult."

"Hey, I'm doing a good thing for you!"

Van Gogh turns around to show his best friend his smile. "I know that. I'm just kidding."

"Sometimes it's hard to tell."

"I guess that's one of my many shortcomings." When JFK doesn't reply, Vincent adds, "That was a joke. You can laugh."

But John doesn't.

Van Gogh doesn't seem to notice his best friend's silence as he scribbles down on the Post-It. He turns around and takes bags of chips from Kennedy's arms, recording the prices and the quantities. "Can I have your phone?" He asks.

"What about yours?" JFK replies, holding the snacks against his chest with one arm while pulling his phone out of his back pocket nonetheless.

"It's dead. I forgot to charge it last night. And you know its battery doesn't do well in the cold."

"Neither does yours, apparently," John says under his breath, but he doesn't mean it as a jab.

Vincent ignores the boy's comment, choosing to interpret it as a joke. He begins punching numbers into Kennedy's calculator app, adding up the prices and writing down a grand total at the bottom of the Post-It. He peels it off from the rest of the pad and is about to stick it to the desk computer before deciding to leave their names and JFK's phone number, just in case.

John glances over Vincent's head at the neon green paper stuck to the computer and snickers to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing, just... are they going to know that we're clones? They might just think we're trolling them."

Van Gogh looks back at the Post-It and can't help but giggle. "God, you're right. Here, we can give ourselves fake names."

"I'll be Jack Kensington, FBI detective."

Vincent laughs, scribbling over the boy's real name. "I'm not writing the last part."

Kennedy shrugs. "Suit yourself." And then, "Who are you going to be?"

"I'll be Victor Hughes."

"That's so boring."

"Who should I be instead? Victor Frankenstein?"

"Yes! That's better."

Van Gogh rolls his eyes, but there's still a smile on his rose-painted lips. "No, that's ridiculous. I can't steal Mary Shelley's OC."

"OC!" Kennedy laughs. "Frankenstein is a classic novel!"

"Mary Shelley still thought of Victor Frankenstein herself! That's what an original character is."

JFK shrugs. "Fair enough."

John and Vincent walk back to the car in favourable silence, smiles still pulled taught across both of their lips. Van Gogh has to channel every ounce of restraint in his body to keep his lips from parting into an overeager grin. He can't remember the last time he was this happy. It's always been him and JFK, but never like this. There was always someone else in the picture, someone Kennedy had to get away from to tend to Gogh. But now, it's just the two of them without any responsibility. Just the boys and a shiny red convertible, with all the time in the world.

"Oh, wait, I have to run back inside real quick," John says, dumping his armfuls of snacks into the backseat.

Van Gogh freezes, his arm hovering above his seatbelt. "How come?"

Kennedy shifts uncomfortably, trying to pull a secure lie out of thin air. "Uhh... I think I left my phone on the counter in there. I'll be right back."

When the boy turns around, Vincent can see his bright red, caseless iPhone tucked into the back pocket of his khakis.

Vincent waits in the car, staring out the windshield and picking at a loose thread in his flannel pyjama pants. God, I can't believe I'm wearing these out, he thinks. They're so ugly. Who even wears flannel anymore?

Kennedy comes out of the general store four minutes later, hugging two pairs of dark green rain boots to his chest.

"It's not raining, John. It's just fog," Vincent says with a smirk as the boy gets into the car.

He passes the smaller pair of boots to his best friend. "I had to guess your size. Six, right?"

Vincent takes the boots skeptically. "Yes... What are these for?"

JFK looks at Van Gogh with a wide grin. The grey light from the fog bounces off the white of his teeth. "You'll see! Just put them on."

Van Gogh obeys, and begins untying his Keds. His socks only go up to his ankles which may be a problem in the boots, but he doesn't care. His stomach is doing that whirlpool thing again, but this time, it feels good. He could drown, but it wouldn't hurt because he knows he'd be drowning in Kennedy.

John exchanges his sneakers for the boots before buckling his seatbelt and starting the car. He holds one hand over the clutch, the other draped over the steering wheel. He turns to his passenger, the orange of his hair bright against the cool paleness of his skin. JFK sinks in his brown eyes, but it's not suffocating like it usually is. His stare is soft, inviting. Kennedy relaxes, his eyes smiling in conversation. "Ready?"

Vincent nods eagerly. "Yeah. Yes, I'm ready."

The boys drive through town, and Vincent is convinced that they're lost. He's about to open his mouth in protest, but JFK shushes him. "We're almost there, I promise."

"Do you actually know where we're going?"

John giggles. "Yes, I know where we're going! I know you're not used to not being in control, but please trust me."

The comment stings, Vincent has to admit. But paired up with please trust me, he lets it go. He does trust JFK. He didn't always, but he does right now. Their silence is pleasant, and Kennedy says he knows where they're going.

Kennedy stops the car at the far end of town, past all the houses. The thick grove of trees is spread out through the windshield, but there's still a fair bit of marshland in front of them, sticky and wet under the car.

"Your tires are going to get so dirty," Vincent comments.

JFK leans forward to pinch the boy's cheek. "Nobody cares about that except for you, Vinny." He opens the car door and climbs out, the mud of the marsh oozing around his boots.

Vincent, still in warm and gooey shock from the nickname, melts into his seat until Kennedy knocks on the window. "Hey, Minivan! You coming, or what?"

Van Gogh pushes the door open, playfully knocking John in the hip. "I'm coming!"

The boys slosh through the marsh, the mud squeaking beneath their boots. Vincent nearly slips and has to grab onto Kennedy's arm for support. JFK sneaks a glance at the boy, smiling to himself as he struggles to keep steady through the wet earth. John stealthily wraps his arm around Vincent's torso, pulling him close and holding him firmly. Van Gogh slings his own arm across John's back, letting the boy support him as he walks through the uneven terrain.

"Thank god you bought us boots," Vincent laughs nervously, an unsure headache starting to set in. His nostrils are clogged with the scent of JFK; this, too, is uneven terrain.

John glances down at the boy affectionately, his gaze soft. "I know you don't like to get dirty, Vincent."

Van Gogh looks up at Kennedy then, and it's a miracle the taller boy had looked away before Vincent could catch him staring.

They walk through the marsh, commenting and giggling, pointing out frogs and funny-shaped pebbles and whatever thoughts pop into their heads. The boys sneak glances at each other as they walk and talk, their stomaches lurching with excitement and nervousness each time they think the other might've caught them staring.

At one moment, though, Vincent and John glance at each other at the same time, their cheeks immediately flushing pink as they look into each other's eyes. Neither of them look away, waiting for the other to say something, to know if this is safe territory or not.

Van Gogh takes a deep breath in preparation to speak at the same time that Kennedy says, "Vincent."

His voice is breathy and serious, and Vincent can't look away. He swallows. "John."

Gogh takes a deep, shaky breath, summoning all the courage he has left in him. "I really want to..." He lets his voice trail off into the cool April air, his eyes flicking between Kennedy's lips and the rest of his face.

"I know," JFK replies. He opens his mouth to agree, but his voice gets stuck in his throat. Instead, he repeats himself. "I know."

"Can I?"

"Yes," John replies too quickly.

It doesn't matter to Vincent. Consent is consent, and he's been waiting for his best friend's for years. He hasn't known it until now, but it's an explanation for all of his stomachaches, all of the twisting he felt in his chest when he saw JFK with Cleo, with other girls.

His eyes flutter shut as he raises himself to his tiptoes, shifting his arm from Kennedy's back to cradle the nape of his neck. John leans down to meet him halfway, his arm still wrapped tightly around the boy's abdomen. Their lips brush softly, innocently, and Vincent is immediately filled up with butterflies, their wings eager and flapping rapidly against the inner walls of his body.

JFK kisses back just as softly, and it's a different kiss than anything he's ever felt. His stomach knots itself with excitement, and he's falling through the sky, but he knows he's going to have a soft landing.

Vincent breaks away first, his eyes staying shut for a millisecond longer than they need to.

"I've been waiting years for that," JFK replies, his voice low and his eyes twinkling.

"How long?" Van Gogh whispers back, his tone just as light.

"I don't know."

"Me neither."

"Can we go again?" Kennedy asks after a moment, his eye contact with Van Gogh never breaking for a second.

Vincent nods, and John leans in. They are arms wrapped around torsos and around necks, hands in hair and on faces. In this moment, Van Gogh doesn't mind the ooze of the mud beneath his feet, and Kennedy doesn't mind the stillness of the kiss.