#something about remembering this year just augh

[neo91502]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMM TIREDSMASHBROS!!!

note for tomm under the read more... lalala💥💥 @tiredsmashbros

ohhh tomm. tomm tiredmashbros, oh do you even know what has happened this, what, past half a year and counting? There has been so, so much improvement these past few months, whether that was to be art or even being able to grow the confidence to actually make a discord server and how well it is and how active it is to this day!!! It’s genuinely felt like it’s been so long, but truly only has been maybe about. since september so like 4 months maybe of the discord server? and so much has happened since then.

Onto the actual much deeper depths of paragraphs, you genuinely have changed my life in ways that I don’t think I could even achieve. Many days on vc’s, joking about the most random things, to the (about) most unexpected things, late night vc’s, the silly sleepover vc’s (technically late night... but shhhh), your paragraphs here, your just genuinely amazing self and personality. Even if you’re just another person in this world, I think you’re some of the best among everyone that I could’ve had the pleasure of getting to meet and know you.

I always loved the times when we vced and went “hey it’d be funny if we watched this video” then did that or, mainly, plan ahead and all. The pikmin iceberg (even if i fell asleep. whoops.), isaacwhy ltlvc, epic the musical, and so much more probably HSJDNSJ. I’ll always remember the first vc I was in with you, or at least the one that I think is the first since I think we both were muted then eventually unmuted JSIDJSSJ I still don’t remember who was all there... i think it’s really funny that like 1-2 months after that, we vced so much and literally couldn’t remember who was there in the first vc JSAKJSKDJD i think that vc was when we had that silly “IM NOT A TYPER” or something i think... I DONT HAVE THE ORIGINAL IMAGE SAVED RN JAHDJDSJ 💔💔💔 and i sounded in such despair because it was like 1 or 2 am for me and i had to be quiet... I always absolutely LOVE our vc’s together, even if i’m caught, i typically don’t actually feel that bad since it’s just like. augh. i have no idea how to explain it💔💔 but yeah 💥💥💥 —> EDIT HERE... LTIERALLY TALKING TO YOU IN DMS AND YOU LITERALY HAVE JT ON HAND. THE IM NOT A TYPER. BROOOOO IM GONNA GET YOU

The surprise you gave me for my birthday and the fact that you did an entire PARTY IN THE SERVER ???? dude i was genuinely so gobsmacked, even if i was late to it NSKDNSKAJA... there was so much going on, i’ll be so fr i literally can barely remember it other than you asking my favroite scene and saying flowerfield sunset and then some bit later you surprised me with the fanart of neo like GUH?????? oh my GOS AJAJSNSNbut even just the MERE IDEA of having a birthday party and the fact that you wanted to do one for me was so surprising and i’m so genuinely hyped for yours like GUH. I’m so HSJSNSJSJSKSKNDJD

as you already know, the drawing above took about 12 hours and 30 minutes to fully finish. honestly, to my first fanart of tsb to this one is just amazing and i wouldn’t be able to see such improvement if it weren’t for you, for your amazing lore of tsb (i will yap about this later...), stealing some of your silly techniques here and there, and so much more. i’m just. baffled at the thought of being here with your birthday today.

oh and your ART. oh my GOODNESS. Where do i even START. for one, i know for a FACT i have stolen silly little things out of your style because of how unique and silly it is and how i do this with all of my friends because i genuinely appreciate and love everything that everyone makes,,, i especially LOVE, oh my goodness do i LOVE how you do your coloring and shading. it’s so unique in a way that works so damn well with how you do your lines, whether it’s sketchy or not, the outlines, everything bro. the rendering gets me the most. you WITNESSED me STRUGGLE to recreate it because i really wanted to try out and do a piece more in your style of things!! i do want to say it had been actually so fun doijg that... i should do it again lalalala... BUT ANYWASY!!!!! i’ve always just. oh my god. LOVE and just BUSHSURHEJSNA i just love how do you comics bro,.... no matter if they’re the ones like your final or the ones like the memories tsb lore... and especially the SPEED YOU GET THESE DONE AT ???? BRO IM SO JEALOUS IN THE BEST WAY POSSINLE... i don’t think i’ll ever stop looking up to you bro...

and now the lore. oh my Lore. Lore lore lore lore . im gonna gET YOUUUUUUU. i’m so INVESTED in tsb’s lore... the creation of this whole universe with cartoony characteristics (it’s literally just. HOW DO I EXPLIJA IT ITS BASISLY LIKE JUST A CARTOON WHDJSNS AND I LOVE IT), pipedream, watchman, the mysterious feeling, the character development. bro EVERYHTING. i cant BELEIVE you hide so much shit in the tiniest things, make entire comics out of what look like such simple asks but no your ass is over here producing COMICS for this bro..... i’m so jealous oh my GOD...... there’s so much i can think of but it feels so little of what we actually know (confirmed) so far... also i see you editing the playlist... your ass is NOT SLICK!!!

comsider all of these paragraphs and everything i’ve said to you already in vc as revenge for all the genuine most kindest paragraphs i’ve read in my life in the reblogs of tsb fanart... guh.... also off topic from this, i realized this is the first time you’ll see me draw emmet oh my god....

i’m so sure i have more to say but my ass actually cant think of anything brooooo.... maybe i’ll send you paragraphs in dms when i think of it and actually remember it GUH.... OH OH WAIT WAIT ALL THE JOKES THAT WE’VE MADE. dude i’m always just being so silly in vc and i think it’s really silly and comedic when you’re over there making silly little doodles and i just go “you should draw tsmg4/smg4 with long hair/smg34” or other alike things.... i don’t think i’ll also ever live down the times when i fell asleep on vc and you were there for i think all of them except maybe 1 ? i have no clue... bro your voice genuinely so calming i’m gonna fall asleep again some day 😭😭

okay enough yapping about that i THINK...., when I first found you, it was literally from the lipbite part 1 comic 😭😭 and i was like “oh hey, i actually kind of really like this person’s art!!” so yk. i followed you!!! if i told my past self that i’d be sitting here right now, typing all of this out, they wouldnt believe me. I’m genuinely just so baffled at the mere thought of being here and being able to call you a friend. hell. i’d even say best friends / close friends bro... i cannot even fathom the thought of that in the past, yet, here i am, able to call you a friend that i talk to about regularly i’d say.

I want to say it again; Happy birthday Tomm, I hope you have one of the best birthdays in your life and thank you for everything.

-Neo 💙

also,,, here’s a silly meme

part 1 of 2 ... i mean. who said that!!!!

part 2 here

[anartisticdreamer0]

o7 big man, hope your next year is better :)

[robinsnest2111]

working up a full scale back panel (126 stitches in width) and OH NO IT LOOKS KINDA CUTE ACTUALLY

hmmm yeah no that's not gonna work for anya's turtleneck shirt...

nice colours tho, might make some mittens or a scarf out of this <3

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Ace Trappola - Room Relaxation Vignette

"Happy Birthday"

[Exterior Hallway]

Ace: Well, it's gettin' about time. Guess I'll head to basketball practice… Hm? Who's that over there…?

Ace: Yo, Kalim-senpai! How's it going? Hey, hey, do you know what tomorrow is?

Kalim: Tomorrow? Hm, what's going on tomorrow…? Is there a dance competition? Oh, or is there some sort of feast planned?

Ace: Ooh, you're getting' close! The correct answer is… My birthday～!

Kalim: Woah! Tomorrow's your birthday!? That's awesome!!

Ace: Yeah, it's totally awesome! There's gonna be a party back at my dorm, and everyone'll get me a gift. It'll be a blast!

Ace: But, y'know, the crazier the party, the more lonely it feels the day after my birthday…

Ace: I always feel like it'd be great if these sorts of days come around two or three times more a year.

Ace: …Don'tcha think, Kalim-senpai?

Kalim: Oh, yeah, I feel you! It just doesn't feel enough to only have one birthday a year.

Kalim: Hey, I just had a great idea! I'll throw you another party the day after your birthday.

Kalim: That way you won't feel as lonely, right? It sounds super fun, so let me do this for you!

Ace: Ehhhh, you sure!? I'm tickled pink! Kalim-senpai, thanks so much!

Kalim: Yeah! I'll make it the best, most outrageous party you've ever seen, so I hope you look forward to it!

[Kalim leaves]

Ace: Nice, I got Kalim-senpai to celebrate my birthday! And he's making it an outrageously awesome party…

Ace: That might get a veto from Jamil-senpai, though…

Ace: But regardless, I at least secured a promise from Kalim-senpai for a celebration. I can't way for the day after tomorrow～!

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Ace's Room]

Ace: Huuurgh, today's basketball practice was insanely hard… Floyd-senpai just wouldn't quit guarding me!

Ace: Usually he just gets bored and disappears off to who knows where… Ugh, I'm so tired～ I just wanna pass out…

Ace: My roommates sure got it easy. Doesn't sound like they got any upperclassmen that cause problems or nag all the time…

Ace: …Augh, I'm definitely gonna fall asleep if I just keep zoning out. I'm gonna go jump in the shower.

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Ace's Room]

[roommates chatting]

[Roommate A greets Ace]

Ace: I'm baaack. Why did I take so long…? Y'see, Trey-senpai cornered me while I was brushing my teeth in the washroom.

Ace: He made me re-brush my teeth, and then handed me some floss and mouthwash. Then…

「Survey on Quality of Life Improvements for the Student Body」

Ace: Right, so he handed me this survey to fill out too. Ugh, it's short answers! Better if it was multiple choice or something.

Ace: Hey, can't any of you guys fill this out for me? I'm real tired from practice today, 'cause it was reeeal hard.

[Deuce refuses]

Ace: …Do it myself without tryin' to slack off? Fine, fine, guess that's what I shoulda expected from you honor student types. You're takin' it waaay too seriously!

Ace: Maybe I'll just jot down that it sucks to be stuck in a room with guys I don't vibe with, or something.

[Deuce argues]

Ace: …Oh, shut up, I was just kidding. Whatever, I guess I'll just start filling in the form.

Ace: First off… The dorm rooms are way too small! That's the worst thing, so I definitely can't leave that out.

Ace: Sure, we can ask each other to swap dorm duties, or help each other when we can't remember a specific Queen of Hearts' rule…

Ace: So I guess it's not the end of the world that there's four of us in here. But it'd be better if the room was just a bit bigger.

Ace: It's practically impossible to study in here. Sometimes someone else's stuff'll end up in my personal space, too.

[Roommate B speaks up]

Ace: …Huh? Pot, meet kettle? No way, I'm always tiding up after myself…

[Roommate B interjects]

Ace: Eh, you found my pen mixed in with your stuff the other day? Uhhhh…. Oh, dang, look at that, it's lights out time!

Ace: I gotta hit the hay! Mmkay, night!

Ace: Aaand, that's the way to shut them out! This is why I love canopy beds.

Ace: As soon as I draw the curtains closed, I can have secure myself a small, little private space…

Ace: The thicker curtains help to keep light and sound down, so even if I'm playing with my phone all night long, it's not bothering anyone else.

Ace: When I think of it that way, I think the only thing I really have to complain about my room is just that it's small.

Ace: …But once I step outside my room, I gotta deal with strange rules, scary upperclassmen, and insanely hard homework.

Ace: Oh, right, I have homework… I need to do that… But first, I think I'll take a bit of a breather and play on my phone for a bit!

Ace: Ooh, my middle school friends uploaded something onto Magicam. They look like they're havin' fun back in the Queendom.

Ace: I feel crazy jelly seeing that, especially since I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere on Sage's Island… Hm?

Ace: Wait, what's this video at the bottom…? Oh! It's an ad for the magic shop I was looking into the other day!

Ace: Woah, how'd they manage that trick? Yooo, I bet I'd look real cool if I could master that!

Ace: I really want that magic trick. Maybe I should ask for it for my birthday.

Ace: Oh, hey, that next manga chapter is out. I gotta check that out.

Ace: Oh, and there's an event going on in that one mobile game. Guess I can log in for that. Oh, and…

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Ace's Room]

Ace: Urrrgh… Mm… It's too bright… Is it morning already? I guess I fell asleep playing the game.

Ace: What time is it…? Huh!? It's already this late!? Hey, why didn't anyone wake me up!?

Ace: Didn't my alarm wake me? You opened my curtain for me? …If you're gonna do that much, you coulda woken me up!

Ace: At least I don't have morning practice today… But I gotta get ready on the double!

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Washroom]

Ace: My face is washed and my skin-care routine is done.

Ace: Ack, my hair's all over the place! Ughh, c'mon, I hate how my hair is…!

Ace: Maybe I can just fix it with some wax… Oh, but I want to make sure I have time to fix my makeup…

Ace: I got no choice, I should just use magic to set it! I screwed it up last time, but… I can totally do it today! Definitely! Hyah!

[poof!]

Ace: AAAAAAAAHH!? IT GOT EVEN WORSE, THIS SUCKS!!

Ace: What can I even do about this now!? Okay, first, let me try this spray to fix the bedhead!!

[spritz, spritz, spritz]

Ace: Ack, did I spray too much? Okay, I should just be able to rub it in here with my fingers… Guess I'll just have to see how it looks later.

Ace: I gotta set my makeup while I wait for my hair to loosen up. First, I gotta slap on some sunscreen…

Ace: Now, my eyebrows are the priority. I can kinda let everything else be half-done, but this's gotta be on point.

Ace: Back in middle school, I remember we were all laughing our heads off at this one person who did a terrible job drawing in his eyebrows, tryin' to look all fashion-y.

Ace: …I mean, not like I'd ever or will ever make that kind of screw up, though.

Ace: I saw a video yesterday that says that thicker eyebrows are in right now, so I'll just try to follow that tutorial and draw in where it's lacking…

Ace: Okay, nice. Not bad! I think I did pretty good for just trying to copy what I saw.

Ace: Now all I got left is my eye makeup… What should I do for the suit? I'd like to use something with a bit of lamé in it, but…

Ace: I bet the Housewarden'll get all huffy if it's too fancy. Guess I should just do what I normally do.

Ace: How's my hair looking…? Nice, it's tamer now! Probably was a good thing to spray too much on it.

Ace: Just gotta put some hair wax in to set it… Done. Whew, I feel a bit more presentable now.

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Ace's Room]

[roommates chattering]

Ace: I gotta get my stuff together ASAP… Wait, huh? If the rest of you are all here, does that mean we still have a bunch of time?

Ace: Maan, then I coulda worked on my hair a bit more. I think I'll dip into the washroom again… Huh? My enigmatics homework?

Ace: …AAAAAAAAAH!! I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT!!

Ace: Oh man, I'm so screwed, Crewel's gonna tan my hide if I don't do anything… What should I do!?

Ace: …Hold the phone. I have enigmatics in the afternoon. That essentially means I'll have my lunch break before I have to turn it in.

Ace: I think the other classes might be ahead of us, so maybe they've already finished the homework already?

Ace: Even if the questions are slightly different, as long as I can figure out how they solved it, I should be able to bang it out… Oh yeah, it's all coming together.

[Roommate A speaks up]

Ace: Wheeew, I got all worked up over nothing～ Mmkay, then I'm heading out… Huh, what is it? You want me to help with your homework?

Ace: Hahahah, no waaaay! Here, I'll open the curtains up for you, so why don't you figure out the rest～?

[Main Street]

Kalim: Oh, there he is. Ace! Good morning!

Ace: Ah, Kalim-senpai! Good morning…? What's up? Isn't the party tomorrow?

Kalim: Yeah! But your birthday's today, right? That's why I thought I'd come wish you a happy birthday in person.

Kalim: So, yeah… Happy Birthday, Ace!

Ace: Haha, you really are the type of guy to show up the day of just to wish someone a happy birthday, huh.

Ace: Thanks a bunch! I can't wait for the epic party tomorrow!

Requested by @thelonepearl.

[blenselche]

swear i havent forgotten about this proposal comic

im just... my wip list is too long but i do it to myself.

I started a Bubbline oneshot insert for Keep Yourself off of bg lines so I'm gonna dump about that under the cut.

So there's a few lines through the fic that I wanted to expand on or use to shift the focus to the girls, like the bit in ch1 about Tom and Jo and co.:

“Some old human friends made [the map] for me if I ever decided to join them after I was done with the vamps,” Marcy supplies with a sad note to her voice and a small shrug. The princess purses her lips and gently brushes the back of her fingers against Marceline’s upper arm.

PB's confused as to why Marcy would stick around when nothing was keeping her in Ooo, esp if she was being eagerly awaited by friends on the Archipelago. Cuz she's dense, that gum doesn't have a very high EQ. They've got some shit to work out about her "overprotective southern dad" flavored distaste about Fern cuz it branches off of him being a demon, but Marcy is a demon, obviously. Gotta unpack that finely aged "monster trash" resentment sneaking out in ch3:

Finn watches PB and Fern talk with a tight frown.

“So,” Marceline hovers into his line of sight with high eyebrows, “date night?” She snaps her tongue against the ‘t’s. “He works.” Finn uncrosses his arms and walks off to put more dishes away. “You’re not denying it.” She follows after him like a balloon tied to his wrist. “He’s my boyfriend, he’s been my boyfriend,” Finn bends down to pick up the Gumbald goblet and chuck it back into the washtub, “thought she woulda spilled that to you.” “Eeeeh— she did, but I didn’t believe her. ‘Finn is kissing up on a demon with his face’? Not something I saw ticking off of life’s bingo card.” His shoulders set, jaw tensing. “Crude way to put it,” he mumbles from the corner of his mouth. “We’re not exactly the easiest people to get cuffed to.” She crosses her arms defensively. “You have issues with the demon stuff yet?” “Aside from the scars? Not really. Why,” he wipes a dish off and looks up at her hanging close to the ceiling, “what do I have to look forward to?” “Apathy, detached maliciousness, extreme mood swings, shrewd attitude,” she lists on her fingers. “No conscience. You know, antisocial jazz. We get obsessed and jealous, it can be mega annoying for the person we're stuck on. You sure you're braced for an eternity of all that?” Finn snorts and throws the towel down on the counter. “I dunno,” he shrugs and turns to lean against the oven, “the dude balances me out. He’s like a feral cat that wants attention but bites you if you try. It’s endearing.” Marceline’s arms droop. “Huh.” “What?” “Must be nice— for him, I mean.” Her eyes inch to Bonnibel, view long and wistfully somber. “T’not have to wear a mask. Feel like there’s nothing wrong with you.” Finn narrows his eyes up at her. “Does Bonnie make y—“ and then Fern potshots him. “Augh–!”

They arrive together to HW's for the boys' party, and Bonnie's been venting about her relatives to Marceline because she knows that:

Marcy leans back and cracks her fingers, rolling her shoulders as though it’s a chore to remember. “Her cousin, he’s one of Gumbald’s lackeys. ‘Not a threat, just annoying’— her words.” She taps her fingers against the table and swirls the straw around in her strawberry lemonade. “Bonnie made him so she could have a friend,” she quietly adds.

so they've probably reconciled somewhat by ch4. Frieda's hanging around and she and PB are so alike, Marceline's heightened demonic jealousy could be an interesting conflict to throw in. She's bonded to PB-- she's been bonded to PB for centuries-- but she's never had to deal with having a real "rival" (despite Frieda and Susan being the gross PDA couple) for PB's attention.

idk, it's all still disjointed word soup in my notes app at this point.

It's been a year and the final draft has been sent in to be bound, but what the hell, right? People like wlw angst.

So you see what I'm saying about having too many wips lmao. My brain jumps a lot.

[mamawasatesttube]

So I know you’ve mentioned it before but I just wanted to hear again your thoughts on Tim x Ives

ooohohohooo timives the gently doomed romance of it all ♥

in robin '93 and even briefly in rr09 ives is just always kind of there. he drifts out of tim's life sometimes, but he always drifts back in, later. and he's been tim's civilian best friend for so long, and tim knows so many of his secrets. they click. they don't judge each other. they make each other laugh. if tim's gonna fall for anyone he knows in his civilian life, of course it would be ives. who else has been there, been a constant, the way ives has? of course it's ives. but at the same time there's something so tasty about their contrast - the way tim runs headlong towards danger every time, while ives describes himself as a coward. the way tim feels like he has to protect him.

to me, ives is tim's first m/m relationship. it happens in a manner so cliché they both laugh at it: after taking a gap year or two, to wrangle his depression and his ptsd and his Everything, tim decides to get his ged and maybe try college (lucius tells him he'd make a great engineer at waynetech r&d, but he needs a degree for it, and he figures, okay, what the hell, he's already good at tinkering, how hard can getting a bachelor's degree in engineering be?). and then he remembers the difficult thing about being a vigilante and having a full courseload at the same time and goes AUGH. and ives, a year or two ahead of him in university classes (and majoring in something else, but still there) laughs at him. and offers to tutor him. and tim goes yeah fuck okay fine sure yeah. what the Fuck is a free body diagram. and ives laughs at him some more but also really does help him out. (when he gets really stuck and confused, especially on his second semester of chemistry, he phones up zoanne, but that's neither here nor there.)

so tim and ives have this cute little romance over study dates at cozy cafes, over accidentally running into each other at a queer student association meeting and going "oh!" about it, over movie nights at ives's apartment where they squabble over a bowl of popcorn and tim pretends he didn't sleep through the last half of the two towers, disc 2. and it feels nice, and easy, and simple...

...until it doesn't. because tim shows up to a study date with a black eye that even his best attempts at makeup can't fully hide. tim has to miss dinner, and then their rain check dinner, and only comes to the third attempt half an hour late and limping. tim is tired all the time. and he's always been sleepy all the time, but now ives is wondering. and they're making out one day and ives's hand curls over the back of tim's neck and then he recoils, because tim, what is all this scarring, what happened, holy shit is this why you grew out your hair and keep wearing turtlenecks?!

and tim goes. ah. fuck.

and it's only a matter of time. it has only ever been a matter of time. because ives knows him. but he's been lying to ives the entire time they've known each other. the other shoe has always been going to drop. it was only ever a question of when. never if.

so ives finds him out. and he's shocked, and hurt, and betrayed, but then he's even more distraught to realize that he's not that shocked. it makes sense - why tim's always tired, why tim has always been kind of flaky, why tim has always had weird injuries now and then, why tim is so unbothered in the face of things that terrify ives. but what gets him is that these are things he's thought were always just... tim. because tim has been lying to him the entire time they've known each other.

so they break up, but it's softer than it could've been. because ives gets it, he swears. he gets why tim lied. but this is... a lot, and he needs some time to process all of it, and how he feels about it, and about tim. because it's hard to reconcile his goofy gearhead (ex-)boyfriend with a caped crusader who patrols the city by night, fighting crime and solving mysteries. hard to realize just how much tim has boxed up his own life and taken care to only ever let ives see part of it. he gets it - he's not angry, after the initial outburst - but it's hard, and he needs some time. he needs some space.

and so tim's secrets eat away at one more person he cherishes. it was inevitable. they were doomed from the start. but they made each other happy anyways, for a time.

(the coda, to me: tim and ives reconnect and start working on their friendship again a few months later, and tim promises to try not to lie to him anymore, and in an effort to actually show ives the other half of his life, he introduces him to kon. so we have tim sitting there struggling with feelings and complications of feelings and what it means to be honest and to be seen. meanwhile kon says something about his opinions on star wars and ives goes "BRO i am going to KISS YOU on the MOUTH" and tim goes wait. WHAT?)

[radellama]

If you go in to this watching it like any other show, you'll look for plot holes and theorise ways to disprove the narrative and figure out 'what really happened.'

Did she make it all up? Are her stories to the boys filled with lies and symbolism?

The boys tried to figure this out within the narrative. They researched and theorised and did everything they could to prove- or disprove what she'd told them.

Does it matter? She asked them to believe her just while she told the story, even if they themselves didn't believe it. Her stories impacted them. They felt it, it changed them. BBA opened herself up to living again after hearing the stories. She opened up regardless of if her story was true.

The next dimension, the next story, the next part on Netflix- it predominantly takes place in a mental hospital where the captives are continually scrutinized when they tell their story. If they open up, believe in what they're sharing- they're feeding into the delusion. If they close themselves off- well, the drs were right all along. It's just a story. It was all in your head, wasn't it?

There are two seasons to watch. Each with a story to tell. It's the same story. It's a different story. But it's a story nonetheless. Part 1 opens right in the middle of a young woman's story; we as the viewer have to open ourselves to seeing her past if we want to see her future. Part 2 tests that willingness to stay open by not even showing the namesake of the show until half an hour into the episode.

We could analyse whether this is all some game within the narrative. To argue over which parts were true and what was made up within that universe. Is OA telling a real story or is she mentally unwell and sharing her delusions? Are these dimensions just a grand and vivid psychosis or are they real to more than just herself.

Are HAP and the other captives real? Are the boys and BBA real?

Is she real?

Well, no. She's a character in a series made for our entertainment. She is the medium for which Brit Marling and Zal Batmanglij are telling a story to us. And when Karim opens the rose window at the end of part 2 and looks over into a world that's implied to be our own, what are we seeing?

A Netflix series? Or a story?

Thinking about the oa and the house. You can't see through the rose window if you go through it like a house - you have to go through it to solve the puzzle. You can't watch the oa like a show, you have to open your mind to it.

[summers-art-domain]

Why not me?

Ivan/till

No alien AU

Inspired by this artwork by @carlozw

Chapter 1 of 2, 4007 words, 99.99% angst,

Till is more emotionally mature than I meant to make him so he’s a little sillier.

Tw - general TW of death and all that entails

hehehe Please reblog if you enjoy! :3

ff under the cut.

It’s summarized pretty well by the first few sentences.

A weight on his shoulder, a squeeze around him. Maybe even an all too familiar head pat. Till knew what was going on,

 Ivan couldn’t even leave him alone through the afterlife.  He was sure of it. 

That freak had somehow found a way to bother Till, even though he was dead. And it was starting to get hard to bare, 

Till sat in a criss-cross position, drawing. Not really paying attention to what, it had been about a week since Ivan died, and his fucked up producers was going to make Till show face on stage in a few hours. Just saying a few things about the… stunt Ivan pulled, and he did not want to do that. 

Till’s face reddened at the idea of it. He couldn’t believe that selfish- annoying- Idi- 

Till jumped out of his train of thought- A strong hand patted his head, he could feel it but it wasn’t there. 

“Fuckin- Ivan-“ Till swatted his hands above his head. Even though he was alone in his bedroom, he felt stupid and if anyone else saw him, they’d probably call him crazy. 

Till stared at his paper, he had drawn the stage. Where Ivan was shot. By some insane fucked fan. Of his. His fan. It wasn’t Ivan’s fault that Till was a worse singer. If Till sang better that fan wouldn’t have flipped out and shot Ivan. If Till had moved faster then he might’ve been the dead one. Not Ivan. 

Till stood up. Suddenly very- something he didn’t know what he felt but he was pissed about it anyway, 

“God fuck this-“ He went to go punch a wall. Even though this was an apartment rented by his producers, they would have to pay for the damage. 

He hit something that’s definitely not a wall. 

“Fucking- IVAN-“ He hit him again. And again, and again, and for once in his 17 years of living he would have done anything to have been able to see Ivan’s face. Probably smiling like the weird ass freak he was. 

He slumped against the wall? Ivan? He actually didn’t care. He was tired. Really fucking tired of having to feel like this. His face scrunched up in that empty angry way. When you want to scream with frustration but there's no air in your lungs to scream with. Till stared at the floor of his stupidly fancy building.

Ivan’s fucking dead and Till just gets to move on? He gets to go show face today and make thousands of dollars while Ivan just sleeps in his coffin. It’s not fair. Till should be in the ground right now. Not Ivan. 

Till leaned more of his weight on to the wall(ivan). He exhaled in less of a sigh and more of a last-breath kinda way. He felt dizzy. Exhaustion taking hold in his bones. Like he had never not been tired. “Why not me?” He asked under his breath. Knowing no one would hear it. 

He fell asleep standing there. 

He woke up an hour or so later. Lying in his bed, his heated blanket on the highest setting and wrapped around him. He curled in on himself. Not really remembering how he got to his bed but he didn’t really care. He checked the time. 

1:45ish. He has to get up, like. Now if he wants to make it to the stage in time. “Fuck this…” Till Weakly hit his head on his pillow a few times. He didn’t want to get up. 

Something tugged at his arm. Tug. tug. Till looked at his arm, above the blanket. Something definitely was tugging his arm. 

“Ivan-” Till knew he sounded insane. It was kinda stupid, really. But what else would it be? He wasn’t exactly close with any other dead person. 

“Augh-” Till grunted as one swift, strong tug had him upright in a sitting position. Tills head spun from the sudden change. He felt weak. And tired. Really, really tired. But of course, the producers wouldn’t care that he was being haunted or that he was grieving or that he was tired. They’d threaten him. Or his mom. Tell him that her wellbeing rests on his shoulders. And he knows it does, They wouldn't be able to afford her treatment otherwise. It sucks but that's how it is. And Till loves his mom. He isn’t a quitter. 

Till stood up, and as he did, he felt Ivans hand pat his shoulder. Which was oddly tame and almost comforting. He sighed, and then got dressed in the outfit his producers instructed him to. All black, the shirt having a wide neck that was slightly off of the shoulder. The same outfit he wore in round six. The same outfit Till wore when Ivan died. Sick fucks. Didn’t give a crap about him. 

Whatever. Not like he had a choice. 

Till went to the bathroom, did his own routine rather swiftly. Covered his eyebags with concealer.then swiped eyeliner on his eyelid. Per request of the producers, he put on some subtle black eyeshadow. Till looked in the mirror. HIs brain still felt asleep. Fuzzy. Sedated almost. He just looked at himself. Thin. Thinner than usual? Tired. More exhausted than usual? He looked kinda dead. Ironic all things considered. Till felt like crying. His nose burned like he was about to. But he couldn’t cry. He just put on makeup.. 

He was hugged from behind. It was horrifically comforting. If this was all in his head he was gonna need to have some serious medication to fix it. It felt so real and as much as Till wanted to believe it was real there was always that doubt. ‘You’re crazy. Insane.’ Till didn’t really know how to feel. Never did anymore.

 He wanted to quit this stupid idol job and do something with his stupid life. But he loved singing. 

He wanted to cry but also didn't want to wallow in his own self pity. 

He wanted to see Ivan’s stupid face but also wanted to forget him more than anything.

His life was just stupid contradictions and ultimatums. Hell- his own birth was due to a failed abortion. His mother wanted to get rid of him but couldn’t. 

Till slammed his fists down on the bathroom sink counter. 

Ivan pulled him away from the sink. Holding his hands, still behind him. Till squeezed his eyes shut. Willing the tears to go away. He went to check the time. Ivan held his hand still. Sometimes Till wasn’t even sure this was Ivan. He thought Ivans soul? Spirit? Whatever. Would have been troublesome. And chaotic. Not cuddly and touchy-feely.

 Maybe this is what Ivan had wanted. To be near to TIll. To be able to hug and hold TIll. Maybe it would’ve been easier if Till had let him. Why’d Till even push Ivan awa-

Till's phone rang. He scrambled to pick up his phone. Ivan let go of him. Tills phone read “evil assholes” The producers. “Fuck my life I guess.” 

Till answered. 

“WE NEED YOU HERE IN 5 MINUTES. NOW. THE TAXI IS ON THE WAY. BE READY, IF YOU’RE LATE YOU BETTER CATCH A TAXI TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE THE BILLS ARE GONNA GET REAL HARD TO PAY REAL FAST.” The producer on the other end practically screamed through the phone. Good thing Till hadn’t cried. He wouldn't of had time to redo his makeup. 

“Yes. Sir.” Till spoke through his teeth. Enraged he was being held by a leash like a dog. He wanted to punch that fucker in his jaw for threatening him like this. Till hung up aggressively. A silent fuck you to the producer. 

Till walked out of the bathroom. Seething. So fucking angry. Too. Fucking. Angry. Till could feel his breath hitch like he was gonna scream. But couldn’t because this was an apartment with thin walls. Didn’t want any of the stupid rich ass CEO’s next door to flip out. Instead, Till sat on the cough to get his shoes on. Slamming his fists down on his knees hard enough to bruise before slipping his shoes on.

Till, now with his shoes on, had a moment. Briefly mind you. But a moment. To be really. REALLY. Fucking angry. Nothing even mattered to Till right now he just wanted to hurt and hurt and hurt. Whether it be him or someone else didn’t actually occur to him. Till gripped his own shoulders like a crazy person. Furious he had to live like this. Why’d his mother get sick? What did he ever do to deserve such fucked up shit to happen?  

“Fuck. THis-” Till hit his own head with the ball of his hand. He didn't even know what to do with himself. He just wanted to hurt something. He stood up. Practically shaking with anger. He couldn't even remember why he was angry. Hardly. He should be used to being held by a string like this, it had happened since his late middle childhood. When his mom got sick ad his life was turned upside down and the fucked organization that ran this show found him and abused him until he was so completely dependant on them he couldnt escape. Honestly? “Why am I even surprised!? THEY NEVER EVEN FUCKING HELPED!!!” Till was trying to stop from yelling but he had let that one slip. He trembled with anger and he couldn’t put it anywhere. His hands balled into fists seemingly on their own. He turned towards a wall and began punching. Harder. Harder. Harder. His hands hurt bad. His hands were scraped now. He kept hitting the wall and then-

“Till- you have a ride prepared. It is here now.” A higher pitched voice called through the door. Snapped Till out of his rage. 

Till looked at the door and then his hands. Shaking like he was in a snowstorm. His left, index knuckle bloodied. He didn't have time to care. It would just make the producers look bad. Till didn't mind that at all. He exhaled. And turned to the door. Putting on a straight face. Trying to hide any evidence of his breakdown from before. He could only imagine he looked horrible. He hadn't eaten in 2 days. Hadnt slept well since Ivan died. He hadn't even hardly gotten out of bed since Ivan died. Only getting up this morning because he had to.

Till ran his hand down his face, then opened the door. 

Till had made lots of mistakes in his life, but walking out that door? Probably the worst. He was bombarded with paparazzi, 3 professional grade cameras. Tons of other people with their phones out. How do they always find where he lives? What the fuck. 

“Till, I'm so sorry they just followed me and then I couldn't get them to leave-” The girl apologized, but Till just nodded. Deciding he was gonna mentally tap-out right about now. Already overwhelmed as people yelled questions at him(that he of course, ignored.) 

They practically crawled through the crowd and to the taxi as he got in, it finally being a bit quieter. 

“I’m so sorry- I didn't know if i should call security or not, I hadn’t meant for it to get this out of hand.” The woman looked like she was going to cry, and Till knew it wasn’t her fault. 

“Next time just call security, they’re here for a reason. It’s not your fault they don’t know how to act.” Till looked out the window.  But then decided to just rest his head on the front passenger seat. Already far too tired to be doing this. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, he went to look and woe-and-behold, no one. Well, not technically no one. Ivan. The woman driving had shivered, under her breath, saying something about how cold it was in the car. Promptly turning up the heat in the car, despite it being 80 degrees. 

Ivan hadn’t felt cold to Till. He had always seemed somewhat cold when he was alive, but he was always warm to Till. Something of comfort even. Till always felt far from Ivan when he was alive. Though now Ivan felt so close to Till it was suffocating. 

Kind of like the night after it was made public that Mizi was kidnapped, almost a year ago. Ivan had visited Till. He had felt so weirdly there. And close. He was so real then even though usually Ivan had felt fake and far away. He had even asked before hugging Till. Who at the time was so distraught and scared that he had let Ivan hug him. It would have been normal for any other person, but the softness and vulnerability was so new and different. It was really nice. Which is something Till didn’t know he could have with Ivan. Till thought about that night often. He had sat on the couch with Ivan and he wrapped his arm around Tills shoulder. They hadn’t said much that night. Just hello, goodbye, and Ivan had asked- “Can I hold you?” That was really it. Ivan had hugged and cuddled Till while he cried. But since then they hadn’t said much. And then Ivan was shot. And died. And Till could officially say that this was the worst year of his life. The only thing that could make it worse was his mom dy- 

Don’t jinx it. Do not finish that fucking sentence. 

Till had started to think he was the one hurting the people he loved. The day before till was going to confess to Mizi she was kidnapped and had not been heard from since. The day that he had started to really think about Ivan as more than just an annoying guy he’d known for years he died. He died. 

The car stopped. Great. He was at the place he thought of as hell on earth. It was so fucking hot in the car yet the woman driving still had the heat on. 

He sat in the car. Wishing a crazed fan would shoot him next. But he wasn’t shot, so he opened the door. 

Y’know how earlier he thought he had made the worst mistake of his life? Well this was a worse one. 

People, people, people people- Till had decided then he HATED people. There were hundreds. Some with microphones and news reporters. Some were just phones. Some polaroids. He hated being watched like this, fuck his stupid life.  

A man holding a large camera asked him a question, loud enough that he could actually hear outside of the loud ambience of a crowd this huge. “Had you been dating Ivan before he was shot?” 

Why? The. Fuck. was the first question he was asked. Not. ‘Are you okay, how have you been? Why are you back so early?’ 

No. It had to be about that stupid thing- Ivan- Fucking hell Ivan why did you have to kiss me- and then die?! 

Till thought he might’ve punched the guy. Then he felt a strong hand grab his. Ivan. It made Till tired. Sad. Less angry. So he did what he did best and ignored the question. Just wanting to get backstage and away from these people. 

And he did just that. 

Once backstage, Ivan had let go of his hand. And Till felt an emptiness. Ivans soul was very… comforting? Safe? Whatever. 

Till didn’t get to feel safe here. 

As he walked through the entrance to the room directly leading to the stage, several makeup artists rushed him to a seat and began working. Obviously, they had to make him as emo as possible. Heavy eyeliner, using contour to make him look more tired than he was. Trying their best to really make him look like he was mourning- but in an aesthetic way not “I’ve barely eaten or slept in days because I’m, so horrifically distraught and empty and of course the soul of my dead person is haunting me why wouldn't he?” kinda way. 

Once they had finished, The producer. Anakt. Came up to him. Great. 

“WE NEEDED YOU HEAR 10 MINUTES AGO!!!! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN???” 

Till looked up at him, a sickening amount of rage washed over him. He stayed silent though. 

“UGh- fuck this. Just go out there, say some kind of basic-ass eulogy, confirm you are NOT. gay or queer supporting at all, tell them that round 7 is in two months and then get off the stage. I’ll be deducting 10% of your paycheck for your tardiness. Don’t let it happen again.” Anakt walked away. Leaving a Till trembling with rage and fear.

He stood up, and made face. 

On this stage alone is a privilege. Usually only given to the winners of Alien Stage. But of course, Till is standing here because he wasn’t shot. 

He walked up to the microphone. Sick with so many emotions. Resisting the urge to cry. And he didn’t know what to say. The crowd went silent. 

Till figured if this was gonna be about Ivan, this was gonna be honest. Something he never was with Ivan. 

“Hello everyone. I-” Till gulped. his throat already dry. “I’m here to talk about the events that happened 6 days ago on this stage. The day that Ivan-” He paused, debating his words. “The day that Ivan was murdered. Shot 3 times through his back.” Till swallowed tears. 

He looked at the crowd, the one that was usually cheering. But now dead silent. 

He felt a strong hug. Arms wrapped around him. He decided to keep going. 

:”I’ll miss him. A lot. And I don't think my life will ever be the same again.” Arms squeezed tight. Till let it happen. 

“I think I deserved to have died on that day. Taken Ivans place.” Despite being a celebrity, Till wasn't good at words and struggled on what to say next. Ivan rested his head on Tills. It felt like it was just him and Ivan. Words came easier. 

“But I didn't. So it's up to me to keep living now. I’m sorry that this is how things ended up.” Till sighed. 

Ivan pressed his forehead to Tills. And Till leaned into it. He probably looked a little weird, but who cared. 

“If I could say something to him today I’d say this: 

Ivan, you have been the person I've been closest to for almost 10 years. You have made me happy and mad and sad and made me feel just as much as I didn't know I  could. But despite that you’ve always been fabricated. Hidden. Far away. Yet I could always feel your warmth. LIke the sun, so far away yet warm all the same. 

Maybe under different circumstances we’re normal kids. Not forced to fame. Not used liked dolls. Maybe we bicker and fight but we never have to worry about faking it for PR. Maybe you’re genuine and real and we’re close and we hang out after school and play video games. 

That’s truly impossible now. And I think- I think I hate the man that shot you. Which is hard for me to say because I don't want to hate anyone. But I do. I know I do. And I think there was a time in my life where I hated you. For always being so clingy yet distant. For always being so blunt but hidden. It pissed me off. 

But now I don't think there's anything in the world that would make me hate you. Nothing at all. The only reason I hated you is because no matter how much I tried I couldn't understand you. You were so fixated on me. But was never honest. Never real.  Never close- I’m just going in circles now. But anyway. I didn’t understand you, and I still don't, and I don't think I ever will understand you. And I guess I'm stuck with that now because you’re gone. Sometimes I think you’re not really gone. Sometimes it feels like you’re right there. That I could reach out and feel your stupid hand. Or that if I could just squint a little harder I could see your stupid smile. But I guess you are really gone. I’ll never know you. And that's my biggest regret. I think. 

Since you’ve died I've barely slept, eaten, or got out of bed. Since you’ve died every morning when I check my phone, I feel something in me die when there's no good morning. Every night, I feel like my whole routine is thrown off because I don't get a good night's text. I don’t think I've had any real conversation with someone since you’ve died. The fucked up part of someone dying is that they’re existence doesn’t end. They still exist, just not with you. They’re still alive in an unfulfilled routine, a memory, a dream, a feeling. The hurt. And it's the worst. Like how when you empty a cup of water, you’ll get thirsty again but the cup is empty, and eventually you die of dehydration. And there's nothing I can do to fix it.”

Till couldn’t stop from letting a few tears slip. Ivan squeezed him, holding him like he was trying to protect him from himself. Till swallowed and kept going. He knew his producers were much more than furious at this point. Figured he could keep going. 

“I said that I wish I had died that day, not you. And that's true. Ever since you died all I have been able to think of is ‘why not me?’ ‘Why wasn't I shot?’ And I still wish I was dead right now instead of you. Though I don't think I would've wanted you to suffer like I am right now. The last thing I would have wanted was for you to be forced on stage to excuse your death while you’re still grieving. So there's gotta be a reason I didn't die. I don't know what it is. But I know that there has to be one. Right as you died. Hands around my throat, you smiled. You smiled like this was the best day of your life, and maybe it was. Maybe you were surprised, but happy with your death. Maybe you wanted it. You always were selfish. Always just doing whatever you wanted- or maybe you didn't want it? But you had accepted it anyway. I don't know. I could ask questions like these all day. It doesn’t matter.”

Ivan was holding till so gently. With so much caution and love- and Till was crying. Fat, hot tears rolling down his face as he tried to only look at his feet. 

“I don't know what was hoped to be accomplished with this. But I did it. So, before I go, I want to confirm two things.” 

This might be the true, real, most horrific mistake of his life. But Till seemed to have been making lots of those lately. So he figured, Why not one more. From this, he realized something. From Ivan dying and this speech, he had made one of the scariest and most upsetting realizations of his life. And now he was gonna tell the world. He tried to hide his slowing tears as fast as possible.

“Ivan loved me, that's why he kissed me that day.” The crowd seemed to perk up at that, lots of whispers, and Till figured that he might as well make his worst mistake, ever. 

Ivan let go of the hug, him not even expecting this.

Till decided to just say it, get it over with and walk off the stage. “And I love him. Which is why I let him.” Till remembered that at the time, he had tried to push Ivan away, so he added. “Sorta.”

“That is my eulogy for Ivan. Round 7 in two months.” Till walked to backstage, and the crowd fucking erupted with cheers and claps and screams. 

Ivan held his hand the whole time.

also yes of course the title is a mitski reference what do you take me for? A good author?

[numberonemargarethazellefan]

I think that hullabaloo is a perfect representation of how people respond differently to abusive situations.

I understand that not everyone’s gonna be caught up on the previous lore or they might not know and that’s alright, but I remember when act one came out that everyone was so shocked when they would be like loving joker and people in the replies would be like “oh he killed Violetta” and theyd be genuinely baffled??

I also see a lot of people saying that Mike is bystander and that he didn’t go through anything hard and I also think that’s false ? Ive seen literally one person besides myself talk about his dynamic with bernard. I absolutely believe something was wrong in that dynamic, and mike still viewing him as this good guy is such an interesting direction, I think him viewing Bernard in such a positive light is such an interesting choice on how to represent things, especially when such an abusive relationship was present people who still view their like abusers fondly is not uncommon and I think that it was interesting that they represented that

Joker- no comment ive nothing to add. You know what you did

MARGIEEE AUGH the river leading back to lakeside :(

Margie and her letters are probably one of my favorite parts of the entire game, especially how she talks about other people

She tried so hard in every way to get out of her situation and I wish she did, netease when I get you

How it was clear that joker knew she was lying and trying to manipulate him because she's so so so so bad at it yet he just fed into it because he liked her oh my

Goddddddd

I think mike is always in this deep state of denial, he is stuck on a memory that never existed. I see his fans defend him for the wrong reasons and never touch on the things I mentioned, Ive cared for this little freak for 5 years, hes so interesting and time and time again its so amusing to see how wrong his fans talk about him.

Violetta is written so interestingly, honestly I was expecting her to be a bit more bold but I still love the direction they went with, I think everything played out so well.

Every single one of these worms deserve better

[cinnamon-stixs]

TADC EPISODE 3 HAS DRIVEN ME INSANE SO HERES A REALLY LONG RANT ABOUT ALL THE THINGS I NOTICED!!

-The horror visuals fucking SLAYED. SLAY.

-I LOVE that Ragatha loves horror and Pomni HATES it.

-"Zooble turns straight" 10/10 line.

-2 new points of evidence for the NPC!Jax theory: He acknowledges the audience directly, and refuses to share what happens when he holds his breath. This could be shown as a similar clue to him not having a visible room on his enamel pin art.

-Caine made a scary adventure just to get zooble interesteddd 😭❤️

-Gangle's comedy mask can just be ripped off of her face??

-Ragatha's face, I love her

-Caine has a fundamental inability to understand other people's emotions and empathize. Neurodivergent coded king I love him

-Kinger says "I'm starting to think" when they first enter the scary room, and not only is it funny as hell, IT WAS ALSO FORESHADOWING?!

-Kinger is VERY aware of the game mechanics in the world around him

Oh how I love you, Pomni.

-I LOVE THE LITTLE 2D ANIMATED SECTION OF THE EYES

"You look beautiful honey.." KILLING MYSELF. AUGH. POOR BABY..

-"Any torture I inflict is 100% accidental! like any good war criminal!"

-Zooble's trans/dysphoria allegory with their digital body has my whole heart

THEY DID NOT DESERVE THIS.

"What you're saying could imply that I'm bad at.. they only thing I'm good at..." HE IS SO ME FR WHAT THE FUCK. I THINK I KIN HIM WHOOPSIES

-I think Mr. Mildenhall's story reflects kinger's more than we think.

-Living for Pomni and Kinger's father-daughter dynamic

She's hot.

Kinky! (looks like something Amy would do to him)

-THE POSSESSION SCENE WAS SO COOL?

-So he was hitting pomni! I remember a lot of debate about that.

-Kinger and Queenie were canonically married

-Kinger took 7 years of computer science

-Kinger has a SURPRISING amount of emotional intelligence.

-BEING IN THE DARK REMINDS OF HIM OF HIS LAST MOMENT WITH HIS WIFE I'M FUCKING CRYINGGG

-Kinger hated bugs, but now he loves them because they're a subconscious reminder of his entomology loving wife.

-The line "In this world, the worst thing you can do I make someone feel like they're not wanted or loved" paired with Mr. Mildenhall's story of mistaking his wife for the monster and killing her makes me think Kinger caused Queenie to abstract somehow.

"Don't worry about me. As long as you remember, things will be okay. You're very strong pomni." ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Pomni canonically hates physical tough, but felt trusting and comfortable enough with Kinger to hold his hand.

Fucking sapphics

"FUCK-"

-Caine turning Zooble's therapy session into his own is so him omg

-"Welcome back my meowing milkmaids!" CRAZY.

-Kinger's new side wasn't actually all that surprising. Neither was him being the 'supportive dad' type. but i LOVE it

-KINGER VINYL FIGURE AHH NEED!!

This is my fave episode so far!! I love this show augh

[scentedpeachlandcreator]

Hi,I've been trying void for a year and I don't have faith that I can enter void while trying. It's like I'm just trying. In fact, one of the reasons for this is the thought that it will not work.

I want to enter Void to learn the language, but it seems like I'm trying in vain. I'm not sure I'll be able to speak that language when I wake up.I'm also afraid that I won't get results with all that effort.(Sorry for my english)

Hello!

This one is especially for everyone out there who needs to hear this:

Girl i want you to stop saying i'm trying, you're never trying, you're already a void master in your 4d.

Stop saying these words, the void state is literally within you, it's a part of you.

Do you try sleeping? Do you try breathing? No. It's something natural, so treat the void state like that.

Calm yourself down and remember who you are, you're literally an Infinite being, a God.

You cannot and i mean CANNOT fail tapping/waking up to the void, there's nothing as failures until you identify with it.

You're literally telling your subconscious that you failed your attempt to enter the void state.

Stop saying "augh! I didn't wake up in the void state last night😩, i'll try again tonight" noooooo that a HUGE MISTAKE, YOU'RE LITERALLY TELLING YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS THAT YOU'RE TRYING AND YOU'RE A FAILURE!

Learn to be disciplined, starting now, start assuming and accepting that you're a void master and you literally wake up in it aware everytime you fall asleep, it okay if you feel not familiar with the affirmation, but with Times you'll truly start accepting it as a true fact.

If you still wake up in your shitty reality do not and i mean DO NOT Say you failed your attempt, instead Say "oh yeah, i woke up in the void state aware last night, i'm literally a master at it"

Keep PERSISTING no matter what the 3d shows you, the 3d is just an illusion, it is just showing you your old thought and beliefs.

From my experience, when the 3d shows me the opposite i'd like to think that the 3d is just challenge me and teasing and encouraging me to persist.

Keep living in your 4d, feel the satisfaction that you're powerful and you're a void master, feel that you own the void, the void is literally yours.

Start saying "i'll tap in the void state tonight!" there's no going back, you'll enter it TONIGHT! That it, it IS a done deal, because you said so, the void state is already yours.

Read the posts of this Amazing blogger @salemlunaa , it opened my eyes, read them all and you'll Truly understand.

Read this post as well, it have everything about the Law (click here! And here! Here too love!)

Now, be consistent and get that desire or dream life of yours!

I wish you success.

_ Xoxo, Eli

[chaotic-orphan]

Intoxicating Fear (XXV)

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing (part II)

Read part one // masterpost // continued from here

I’m not happy with the last part, but I am too tired to edit it so voila,

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Where are we going?” Ambrose grumbled, the cling of glass on stone crunching under their shoes as they walked, Nathan a step in front of Ambrose as it was before. Always leading Ambrose, Ambrose always following. It made him feel a little sick, like nothing had changed between them, like no time had passed in the last five years since Ambrose established himself for himself. How he didn’t answer to anyone anymore.

And yet here he was, following, again.

Because Kit’s life is in danger, the rational voice told him. You’re not following because you want to.

But one look at the swirling silver eyes and Ambrose was magnetised, trapped under Nathan’s spell again. He knew it, Nate knew it. He wasn’t a hero trying to save Kit, he was just Oskar, Nathan’s shadow. Nathan turned his head to smile at Ambrose, exposing his boyish dimples despite being older than Ambrose.

“You’ll see, won’t you? It’s about the journey, Oskar, not the destination.”

Ambrose swallowed, clenching his jaw and forcing himself to stare ahead as Nathan led them through the tight building packed streets that loomed like giants on either side of Fagan’s lot. most of them were abandoned, or closed for business indefinitely. Some sad, stale “Everything must go” signs lingered in some of the windows that weren’t smashed or bordered up.

It tugged a bit at Ambrose’s cold, dead heart. Fagan’s lot was where Max and Ambrose had shopped because it was cheap, extremely cheap. He remembered Lucy’s grocers, and how Max used to drool as he walked by the fresh fruit and vegetables, and long for them when he was unwrapping microwave pizza for the fifth day in a row because their oven was broken and they couldn’t afford to fix it.

“I want watermelon, Oskar,” he whined.

Ambrose smiled at him, hiding the bill from their landlord for noise complaints, something Ambrose would deal with later. “Payday is in four days. We’re almost there,” he said.

That Friday, when Max got his paycheque, Ambrose came home after his commute to see Max standing proudly in the kitchen. He grabbed the edge of a tea towel and yanked it away with a flourish like a magician, revealing the biggest watermelon Ambrose had ever seen. Max grinned widely, flashing his teeth like a beaming toddler.

“I got the big one.”

“I can see that.” Ambrose said with a nod. Max brandished a serrated knife, licking his lips as he leaned close and took a giant sniff of the watermelon.

“Uggghh, smell that Oskar? That’s the smell of money right there.” Ambrose laughed as Max started to cut into it. The sweet, sticky smell pungent in their small apartment, but Max looked so stupidly happy that Ambrose couldn’t help grin himself. “How much do you want?”

“A slice?”

“You can’t have just a slice,” Max bemoaned, the knife sliding through the watermelon wetly. Ambrose walked around the counter and placed his briefcase on the table, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his top two buttons.

“Okay, two slices,” he said, watching as the pink flesh of the fruit fell like sheer fillet mignon, the red juice running like blood over Max’s fingers. Max cut two large circles and cut them in half, putting two on Ambrose’s plate and two on his own. “Bon appétit.”

Max moaned into the first bite, slapping his free hand on the table in passion. “Augh! That’s so good! So worth the wait. Fuck me!”

Max sniffed, and Ambrose met his eyes over the watermelon. “Are you crying?”

“No,” Max said too quickly, wiping his eye with the back of his hand. “Some juice just got in my eye.”

Now, as they walked past Lucy’s grocers, the bright yellows and reds of the plastic baskets of fruit were smashed out front, a metal shutter down with graffiti adorning it instead of fresh fruit. Ambrose ignored it as he walked by, lest Nathan notice — because he always noticed — what it meant to him.

“How do you know, Jude?” Ambrose tried instead.

Nathan raised his brows as if he was about to say something dirty, or let out a startled laugh of disbelief. Ambrose swallowed.

“Why? Jealous, Osk?”

“Don’t call me that.”

Nathan plumped out his bottom lip, the rosey pink getting lighter the more he protruded it into a pout. “You can still call me Nate, if you want.”

“I don’t want to call you anything,” Ambrose ground out through clenched teeth. “I don’t want to be this close to you.”

The words had only left Ambrose’s lips before Nathan’s hands were on him slamming him into the opposite wall of the narrow street, deft hand wrapped around the base of his throat. Nathan smiled down at Ambrose who didn’t have to fight to keep the blush off his face, remaining the cool, pale statue that Kit so often likened him too in his head.

“How about this close?” Nathan said, his voice the shape of an angel’s wings; soft, light, majestic, but behind it held great power to exact divine retribution on devils, demons and humans who strayed too close.

“This makes it worse,” Ambrose said, happy that his voice remained even, though his index finger twitched at his sides. Mercury swirling eyes regarded him with a twisted mischief, the corners tugging up into smiles themselves.

Nathan looked at Ambrose the same way a lion would a gazelle, but Ambrose wasn’t the same man he was when him and Nathan were together. He wasn’t poor little Oskar anymore, who shared secrets with Nathan in the early hours of the morning, secrets they swore to take the grave, secrets like Ambrose’s parents that Nathan revealed to Max just to fuck with him.

Nathan’s fingers trailed up, pinching Ambrose’s chin between his thumb and index finger and tilting his head a little higher so he could feel Nathan’s warm breath on his lips, the smell of cigarette smoke and ash fanning his face.

“And how about now?” He asked his voice a tempting whisper, half-lidded silver eyes positively feasting at Ambrose’s stoic expression, looking for the tell, the give. Ambrose had buried them years ago. “Come on, Osk, you can’t tell me you don’t feel this. You and me, we’re meant to be together. You know it, I know it. We can be like we were.”

Nathan tilted his own head so their noses wouldn’t touch as he leaned in closer until his lips brushed Ambrose’s when he spoke. “Don’t you miss it? Don’t you miss us? Don’t you miss me?”

Ambrose’s heart raced in his chest. When Nathan looked at him like that, Ambrose feared that he could read his mind instead of the other way around. Not that Ambrose could ever read Nathan’s stupid mind with his stupid gift and his enchanting eyes. But there was an eerie stillness to it, an intensity that Ambrose couldn’t deny and never felt with someone else. Despite his many attempts of dating after Nate, there was no comparison to the silver eyed devil and that terrified him.

He could do it, he realised, his pulse throbbing in his neck against his throat. He could lean up and kiss Nathan and they could go back to how they were. Nathan was waiting, waiting for Ambrose to make the move, to accept him again. To submit and return to being Nathan’s favourite thing. Ambrose had no doubt Nathan loved him, in his own twisted way, but it wasn’t about Nathan and his love. It was about Ambrose, and he hated the person he was when he was with Nathan.

The shell he became.

Ambrose leaned on his toes, hand sliding up Nathan’s side to his neck. Cigarette breath hitched against Ambrose’s face and he smirked. He slammed his palm up against Nathan’s chin and shoved him back with an easy strength.

Nathan stumbled back, silver eyes flashing with malice and pain as his hand went to cup his lip.

“Ow! You made me bite my tongue,” he whined.

Ambrose smiled, sliding a hand into his jacket pocket when he saw a flash of red stain Nathan’s white teeth.

He lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “Maybe you shouldn’t invade people’s personal space, then,” Ambrose said coolly, black eyes on Nathan’s.

Nathan huffed out a breath through his nose, straightening, his brows lowering over his eyes casting shadows on his quicksilver gaze, darkening them to the colour of gunmetal. Dangerous, powerful, scathing.

He let out a soft hmph of disapproval. “Maybe you have changed, Osk.”

“Maybe,” Ambrose said without missing a beat. Then they were walking again, Nathan still leading, though now with a wired tension in his shoulders, something stiff that wound and unwound and Ambrose wanted so desperately to peak inside his brain and see what he was feeling. To know what to expect.

Then they turned down a side street off the main path of Fagan’s lot and Ambrose stopped walking despite himself. Nathan stopped too, a few steps ahead of him and glanced back over his shoulder, a smirk in his eyes and a knowing smile on his lips.

“Something wrong?”

Ambrose remembered Max telling him that Benny was having trouble yesterday, that he should check on him before he leaves. Benny who lived in the apartment across from them in Old Town. A fast friend because of his jolly, wholesome exuberance, always making them smile and bringing over beers on Summer nights for them to go to the roof and hang out.

Benny’s tailors was on the street.

Ambrose’s eyes narrowed. “Where are we going?”

“To see an old friend,” Nathan replied.

“Why?” Ambrose asked, his hands tightening into fists in his pockets.

Nathan let out a breath of a laugh, turning his body towards Ambrose and walked towards him, into his personal space again which forced Ambrose to tilt his head up a little to keep his heavy gaze.

Nathan placed a warm hand on Ambrose’s cheek. On reflex Ambrose’s hand twitched up to smack him away, but Nathan’s words stopped him. “Ah, ah, ah, Oskar. Behave. I still have your hero friend locked away safely with Jude, so you’re going to do as I say.”

“And if I don’t?” Ambrose snapped.

Nathan’s eyes tracked Ambrose’s, observing his steeled expression and annoyance. Nathan ran a thumb over Ambrose’s bottom lip, chilling his blood as he stiffened despite himself.

“I have to check in every ten minutes with Jude or he gets to do whatever he likes to the heroes,” Nathan said.

Ambrose frowned. Heroes? As in more than Kit? Does he know who Kit is?

“See, that’s the Oskar I want. The sweet, pliant thing, the one whose heart raced when I got this close.”

“When did you last check in?” Ambrose demanded.

Nathan hmphed again, silver eyes swirling with glee. “At Max’s, while I waited for you two to kiss and make up.”

“Oh bullshit, you wanted us to fight.”

Nathan’s lips broke into a grin, a flash of teeth. “Okay, yeah. Maybe I did, but the fact remains. That was maybe, what, two-three minutes ago? So do you want to waste time being a brat, or, are you going to come with me and do everything I say to save your friend?”

Ambrose felt a tug in his chest. He wasn’t affected by Nathan anymore. He wasn’t. The only reason he was going through this fucking charade is because of Kit, who a few months ago, meant nothing to him. Why was he doing this? Why was he risking his neck for this kid? His sanity?

Ambrose’s shoulders dropped. Nathan stepped away, eyes gleaming as he turned and walked to the tailors at the end of the street. The shop’s trim was wooden, painted a royal blue, striking from far away, something to catch your eye and it did. Red lettering protruded from the black crown sign above the door, that read: Bespoke Elegance.

Nathan leaned against the wooden detail next to the door, grinning at Ambrose, he inclined his head for Ambrose to go first. Ambrose glared at him but wordlessly obeyed.

For Kit, he told himself. For Max. This would be fine. Everything would be fine.

The bells had only tingled open when a shot rang out and Ambrose’s eyes went wide as a nub of metal stopped so close to his left eye that it watered from the pressure. Behind the bullet at the counter stood Lyra; as lethal as she was pretty. The shell fell to the ground with a clatter and she lowered the pistols, relief washing over her taut features.

“Oskar,” Lyra said, the lilt of her voice musical.

“Well I’ll be fucked,” Lyra said, shifting her weight on her legs but not dropping either pistol from her hands, keeping them trained on Ambrose’s body. “Ghosts still walk the Earth.”

“Maybe I’m an angel, come to rescue you.”

“Or a demon in disguise as one,” Lyra replied easily, tilting her head to the side, exposing her long, lean neck that led into her beautiful collar bones and shoulders.

Lyra Sinclair was the only woman Ambrose would ever consider marrying. She knew she was too good for him, and would probably shoot him if he ever tried to ask. Her hair was in a different style every time he saw her, which regrettably was too little. She was as close to a Goddess that Ambrose had ever come, with olive skin and warm features. Though she had a foul mouth, cursing like a sailor, and still hadn’t lost her posh English accent despite herself.

“What are you doing here, Oskar?” She asked, raising a perfect brow. As if on cue the door behind Ambrose opened, and Lyra trained one pistol one the crack in the door. Her eyes narrowed like cat’s, dangerous, lethal. “Who are you with?”

Ambrose raised his hands, trying to calm her. “Lyra, I can explain.”

“No need, Osk, darling, just tell her to drop the guns.”

Ambrose stiffened, silently hoping that Lyra would just shoot Nathan through the doors, but she trained both pistols back to Ambrose, and now his hands went up in surrender, trying to show her he meant no harm.

“If you open your mouth, Oskar I swear to fuck I will kill you where you stand.”

“Lyra, please,” Ambrose said, risking a step forward. “I don’t want to compel you.”

“Why’re you with him?!” She demanded. “How do you even know each other? Do you know what he is?!”

The worry pulled her features across her face, stretching them wide, exposing the whites of her eyes and wrinkle lines on her forehead.

“Tick, tock, Osk. I’m not texting Jude until I’m inside.”

Ambrose stared pleadingly at Lyra, but her hazel eyes didn’t leave his, her chest rising and falling with a gasp. “You know Jude?” She demanded incredulously, her grip tightening on the weapons. “Are you working with them?”

“No!” Ambrose cried, stepping forward again. “Lyra, please, he has my friend and he’s going to let Jude do whatever the fuck he wants with him if he doesn’t text him in the next five minutes.”

Desperate black eyes met fiery hazel across the shop floor. “Please,” Ambrose said, his voice barely above a whisper.

He didn’t get her answer. A toilet flushed somewhere in the back, the sound of rushing water and a door was thrown open behind the red velvet curtain that was pushed outside, metal hooks squeaking and then a wide grin. Ambrose swallowed thickly.

A hulk of a man finely dressed in a chequered navy suit and burgundy silk shirt stepped out from behind the curtain, bending to get through the door before standing to his full height of a giant, taller than Ambrose, hell, taller than Nathan who was 6’4.

The fine suit did its best to hide the muscled torso beneath, but when Benny spread his arms, his stubble lined jaw spread open into a grin.

“Well, well, well, Oskar Fucking Ambrose. You giant cunt. Where’ve you been?”

“C’mere,” Benny gruffed, his footsteps like buckshots in the store. Benny was double the width of Ambrose, and a good head taller which made Ambrose mortally terrified of the man, especially because Benny was simultaneously the biggest, and sweetest, man he had ever met. And a hugger.

Ambrose groaned when he felt his bones crack under Benny’s tight hug, the giant man lifting Ambrose from his feet as if he were a child.

“God. It has been too long, old friend.” Benny said with a hearty laugh and a meaty fisted thump to Ambrose’s back. “We love to see you, brother.”

Benny said, his Ukranian accent choking in the middle of brother, making it sound like broo-der. Benny’s real name was Irakliy, but he told Ambrose when he arrived in the country that your stupid people couldn’t pronounce it, eh? They heard ‘ee’ sound and call me Freddie, I mishear and call me Benny. Name stick in brain like a Kesha song.

“Not today you don’t,” Lyra ground out, a muscle in her jaw ticking.

Benny frowned at her then at Ambrose. Ambrose feared the result of the exchange he was about to have, but he couldn’t not say anything.

Then Nathan chimed in: “three minutes, Oskar.”

Benny’s expression dropped. Ambrose could feel the adrenaline spike in his body as Benny glanced at the door, then at Ambrose, then back at the door. When he looked back at Ambrose again, blue eyes darkened and despite Ambrose’s protests Benny grabbed him by the throat and pile-drove him backwards into one of the viewing mirrors for fittings, the glass cracking against Ambrose’s back.

The wind was stolen from him with a silent gasp, both his hands finding Benny’s and trying to pry his fingers off his throat unsuccessfully. Benny growled in the back of his throat, leaning down so he could get in Ambrose’s slowly blueing face.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t snap your neck like a twig.”

Benny, he tried in his mind, his brain screaming as pounding headache formed from the pressure in his skull, his brain screaming for oxygen, please. Let me exp—

Ambrose didn’t think, he was panicking as his vision darkened at the edges and without meaning to boomed out a command:

Benny, LET GO!

Benny’s fingers sprung open like a coiled spring being released and Ambrose hit the ground, his cheek hitting off the edge of the fitting platform as Benny cried out.

Ambrose gasped, pushing himself up instinctively and reached to Lyra’s mind, tying the wires in her brain together and unplugging her powers before he fell again.

“Two minutes, Oskar!” Nathan sang and Ambrose groaned. He muttered, don’t move, aloud and waited until both Benny and Lyra went stiff before calling Nathan in.

Nathan stepped through the door, poking his head around first and glancing at Lyra before his face broke out into a smile and he stepped inside fully.

“Morning,” he drawled with a happy sigh as Ambrose managed to prop himself up against the wall. He reached behind his head at the bump that was forming and his fingers came away sticky and wet. Fuck. He blinked, the world dizzy in front of him.

FUCK! He didn’t want to have to do that. Fucking Nathan knew exactly what he was doing making himself known before Ambrose had a chance to explain. Ambrose glared at his stupid, gorgeous ex who pulled his phone from his jeans pocket and held it up, waving it at Ambrose’s face.

“Just in time, babe.” Then he typed away on it, positively eating up the attention in the room. Ambrose tipped his head back, chin to the ceiling up at Benny. His eyes zeroed in on the red and purple bruises on Benny’s swollen hand, and realised sickly that his compulsion did that.

“Benny… your hand…”

“Save it, Amber-ose.” Benny spat. The dip between Benny’s thumb and middle finger had split from the force of Ambrose’s compulsion, steadily dripping blood onto the varnished wooden floor.

“I’m not with him,” Ambrose protested, pushing himself up a little and trying to get to his feet, but the world spun and he fell again, sliding down until his arse hit the ground. “He has… he’s—”

“He said this arsehole has his friend captive,” Lyra said, hazel eyes cutting from Nathan’s face to Ambrose’s. Angry, but believing. She believed him, though he doubted he would be spared a bullet if he let her move. “Said that creep Jude is watching him and if he doesn’t do what he says, he’ll let Jude kill him.”

Benny’s blue eyes turned down, drooping at the sides. “I’m sorry, brother,” Benny said. “You are in as much as the rest of us.”

“Now that we’re all caught up to speed,” Nathan said, clapping his hands together. The sound was like a bullet through Ambrose’s brain. “How about we get down to business?”

“What is your business?” Ambrose demanded, practically spitting his words. All he could think about was Max telling him that Benny was in some trouble, that Max was worried about him. Is Nathan the problem?

Christ, he couldn’t think straight, his brain blurry. Fucking Jude and this hangover and Max’s punches, now Benny’s blows, he was shocked he wasn’t unconscious yet, probably concussed. Maybe, definitely concussed.

Benny frowned, eyes on Ambrose, still frozen. “You don’t know?”

Ambrose frowned, the motion too difficult to convey so he flattened his face, holding his head and stifling a moan. If Ambrose thought of it, he could dip into Benny’s mind and read the message he was storing, roaring, trying to let Ambrose hear, but Ambrose was too focused on staying awake.

“Benny,” Nathan said, his tone dipping low in warning. “Naughty, naughty. Don’t you remember what I can do to you?”

Ambrose shut his eyes tight, planting his hand on the ground and pushing himself up. He had to grip the podium for the fittings and push himself all the way, stumbling back into the mirror when he got to his feet.

Black eyes unfocused, glazed over and swimming with colour, but he tried to focus on Nathan.

“What’re you saying, Nathan? Why are we here?”

Nathan smiled again Ambrose. Its effect was like an avalanche of cold, mountains of snow threatening to bury Ambrose under the weight of it, sending tremors of terror down his spine.

His mind screaming at him to notice something he was missing. To see what was right in front of him. His blood rushed in his ears as he took a step forward, silently releasing Benny in his mind: you can move freely. The effect was too much for Ambrose to bear, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as if someone had just switched off his power.

Benny stood taller, and he turned to Ambrose, catching him before his head smacked off the wood, but it didn’t matter. The darkness swallowed Ambrose, Nathan’s voice speaking in the background as he submitted to unconsciousness.

*~*~*~*~*

Ambrose woke in a car, sprawled out in the backseat. He groaned as the light assaulted his senses. Fuck. His head was pounding, and he let out a soft groan.

“Oh, you’re awake sleepyhead?” Ambrose’s eyes shot open, his heart seizing in his chest. Nathan. He forgot. Why were they in a car? What happened to Benny? “You should try and get back to sleep, Osk. We’ll be there soon.”

“Where?” Ambrose ground out, the words rattling his skull and agitating his head.

Nathan’s swirling eyes met Ambrose’s in the rearview. “To Kit. That’s where you wanted to go, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“So that’s where we’re heading.”

“What did you do to Benny?”

Nathan chuckled. It was as if he had shot a bolt of metal through Ambrose’s spinal cord, freezing him as the metal scraped off bone. “You didn’t hear?”

“I was kind of unconscious for it,” Ambrose said tightly. Nathan’s eyes were back on the road, but it didn’t make him feel any less observed. Any less seen. The same nagging thing pulled at his mind like a child trying to get their parents attention.

Nathan chuckled again, this time lighter. “I suppose you were. But he was thinking very loud, Oskar. I’m surprised you didn’t hear.”

“Hear what?” Ambrose asked, pushing himself to sit up in the backseat, the world tilting around him. He felt like he was going to throw up. Nathan met his gaze in the rearview again and only then did Nathan’s words register in his mind. Ambrose must have froze or stiffened or showed his emotion on his face. “What do you mean his thoughts were loud?”

Nathan’s laugh was musical, pulling at Ambrose’s heart strings. “Come on Osk, you’re smarter than this.”

“Well I may have a concussion or two so cut me some slack,” Ambrose snapped. His breathing hitched, becoming erratic suddenly as his brain burst through the bars of the cell in his skull.

Nathan remained stubbornly silent, forcing Ambrose’s memory to try and colour in the gaps. Come on, Oskar, follow the context clues. He was— in Max’s bar he was fixing up Jude’s tab from the night before, the night with Jude, and Max said Jude knew Supervillain, and worked with him. Partners. Nathan’s grin at Ambrose’s mention of Jude, “why? Jealous, Osk?”

Jealous.

Was he jealous?

No. That’s not the important part. Come on!

Not just Kit, the other heroes. Kit was patrolling last night, looking for Supervillain and now Nathan and Jude had him, and…

“Ah,” Nathan said, revelling in Ambrose’s cold realisation. “There you go, Oskar. You got there eventually.”

“You…” Ambrose said, his voice losing breath and the words tapering off. “You… you can’t be Supervillain. You… you don’t even have powers!”

Nathan smirked in reply but didn’t answer. It irked something inside Ambrose, making him lean forward. “Right?! You don’t have powers, except resistance to—”

Ambrose grabbed his pulsing temple, cutting himself off. Nathan only has defensive abilities. He wasn’t powered, he couldn’t be, he had never— Ambrose had never seen. Natural immunity. That’s it. Not, not— how could he hear Benny’s thoughts? Mentor’s Telekinesis? He couldn’t—

“Explain,” Ambrose said, his voice a growl.

Nathan hummed, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “What do you want me to explain?”

“How can you— people can’t have more than one power.”

“I don’t,” Nathan said with a shrug.

“Then what?! How! How can you use Mentor’s— you- you’re fucking lying to me!”

Nathan’s gaze doused the simmering rage in Ambrose. “Am I?”

And Ambrose knew he wasn’t.

He knew it, but he didn’t want to know it.

“You… you— you can’t be Supervillain,” Ambrose whispered. Hoping that if he repeated it enough it would make it true. He felt the overwhelming urge to cry and scream and rage and claw Nathan’s eyes out, but he just shook in the backseat, every part of his body trembling as if he was just dunked into an ice bath.

“And yet, I am, sweetheart. God, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to tell you, Oskar. But I knew, I knew I had to wait and be patient, and now that we’re together again I will explain everything when we get home.”

“Why did you take Kit?”

“To get to you, dummy,” Nathan replied with a lopsided smile. A smile full of love and Ambrose wanted to get sick. “And I got you, didn’t I? Go back to sleep, love. I’ll wake you when we get home.”

Ambrose didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to do anything, while simultaneously wanting to open the backdoor and jump out, or pull the steering wheel and throw up. He wanted to fight, but sleep was already pulling heavy down on his eyelids, and he curled back up beside the door, and closed his eyes.

*~*~*~*~*

The door squeaked open, light crawling along the stairs with a jolt and vanished just as quick as someone started skipping down the stairs. “Oh, Kit~”

Kit straightened as much as he could in the cuffs, stealing his expression to a stoic indifference.

Jude appeared at the bottom of the stairs, his green eyes gleaming with malice and a twisted delight. “I had a little deal with Supervillain. He said, if he didn’t text me every ten minutes then I was allowed to have fun with you! It’s been fifteen minutes, Kit. You know what that means?”

Tides and Sawyer woke at the sound, Sawyer freezing, his arms wound tightly around Tides who was trembling in his hold.

Jude’s eyes lazily flickered to the pair. “Aw, aren’t you two just sweethearts? Tell you what, if you be good I won’t even lock you up again!”

“You said you’re going to hurt Kit,” Sawyer told him. “Why would we just sit tight?”

Jude walked over to him and crouched down in front of the pair, tilting his head to the side as he regarded Sawyer. “I don’t know if they lied to you about how bad your face was, or you just don’t care, but if you don’t want me to force you to return the favour to your girlfriend there, I’d suggest you shut the fuck up and be a good little hostage, hmm?”

“You—”

“Sawyer,” Kit said, his voice hollow, yet still managing to cut through Sawyer’s. “Don’t. Just do what he says. I’ll be… I’ll be fine.”

“Kit—”

“You heard the boy, he’ll be fine!” Jude said with a wave, bouncing to his feet and walking around Kit to uncuff him from the wall. It was going to be nice, Kit realised, not having his hands glued above his head for a while. They fell like they were made of cement once Jude opened the cuffs and Kit groaned as he felt pins and needles thrum beneath the skin.

Pins and needles and something else.

Something… electric. Kit hid it, hoping that Jude couldn’t read minds like Ambrose could but when Jude started to pull Kit to his feet, Kit was almost certain that he couldn’t. Which meant that Kit had the leverage, but he would have to use it quickly if he wanted to keep it.

As Jude dragged Kit over to the chair, Kit felt the well of electricity surge within him, grabbing onto Jude’s arm as if he was about to fall. Jude was none the wiser, the stupid grin still on his face. Kit took a deep breath, and let the valve to his powers open from his brain to the tips of his toes and around his body.

Supervillain had used Omen’s commands to restrict their powers.

Too bad that didn’t work on Kit anymore.

Kit dug his fingers into Jude’s shoulders with one hand, the other at his side. He clicked his fingers and red lightning sparked like a glove from his free hand to the one holding Jude in the blink of an eye. Jude was too slow to react, his eyes blown wide before he was thrown across the room along with Kit from the sheer force of the red lightning.

Jude’s spine hit the wall and he collapsed, twitching on the ground from the impact as the lightning scorched his body.

Oh… that felt good, the voice in Kit’s head said as he straightened, suddenly rejuvenated after releasing the pent up energy on someone without worrying if they’d live or die. It was like stretching for the first tike after being trapped in a tight, constricted pose for a while, his body nourishing itself as the lightning ran up and down his body, lashing out every once in a while.

Kit ran a hand through his hair, exhilarated, a wide smile cutting into his cheeks as he walked towards Jude, ready to finish the job checking to see if he was still alive.

“Kit?” Kit stopped, glancing over his shoulder to see Tides and Sawyer gawking at him with wide eyes. Sawyer’s arm tight around Tides. Kit tilted his head, hungry eyes stalking the tenderness.

Sawyer kept his eyes on Kit’s, not flinching away. “Leave him, we need to get out of here, okay?”

Kit frowned. “But—” he began, his voice crackling like a walkie-talkie.

“I need your help,” Sawyer said, cutting Kit off again. Kit glanced back at Jude’s body, glaring at the shallow rise and fall of his back. “Kit.”

Kit shook his head and sighed, the electricity slowly leaving his body. “Fine. Let’s go.”

*~*~*~*~*

Continued here

Orphanage roll-call (lmk if you wanna be added or removed): @beatenbruisedandbloody @404lunar1216 @whumpyworld @nameless-beanie e @andithewhumper @annablogsposts @whumpasaurus101 @0eggdealer @rejectedbytheempty @sleepy-pearl @n3rv0usn0v4 @whumpatize-me-captain @sunshiline-writes @burningkittypoet @honeyed-euphrates @sacredwrath @theonewithallthefixations @blood-enthusiast @tippytappytyping @shinokoro @bedtimescenarios @whatwhump @acer-whumpstuff @fa1rie @jesterrinobutter @xxgalgurlxx @princess-bubble-blossom @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @@dutifullykrispyland @memepsychowhowantsuperpower-blog @ehobep

[andraxicated]

Married to Wild Eyes

Pairings: Jing Yuan x f! reader

Synopsis: Your husband returns home and rails you after he deduces something that you've hidden from him.

Tags: breeding | fingering | pregnancy sex (early stage) | riding | nipple play | uhh I can't remember anything else

a/n: this Wild Eyes manhwa popped up on my tiktok fyp with those iconic pwop and squelch panels. i'm like...interesting~

+ smut always takes so long for me to write because I always have to close the tab and run a lap around the house when I start on the nasty stuff.

wc: 4.9k (porn with some kinda plot)

will proofread in the morning😭

General Jing Yuan was a kind man to all, logical and strategic are only a few of the praises you hear for him. After all, he's the reason that the Xianzhou enjoys many years of peace to come. But just as the praises that resound from people's mouths—and the peace he brings by fulfilling his military duty, none of it compares to the lewd praises and ecstasy he delivers as he fulfills his duty to you as your husband.

"Augh~ Yuan, right there! F-fuck keep on hitting it-n-not too deep!" You babble a mix of words as you bounce on his cock, placing your shaky hands on his shoulders that are about to slip. Still, you try your best to regulate the rhythm with your eyes closed that Jing Yuan finds a little too slow for his liking. But who he is to deprive you of your wants? Although, he did find it unusual that you asked to top for a more sensual pace than him railing you into the mattress.

"Come on love, show me how good you can ride."

Jing Yuan does his part by thrusting up his lower body into you, abs flexing as he held tightly onto your waist. It then sent you opening your eyes, tears coming onto your waterline with your mouth agape, body sinking down on his fat cock to quell the itch brought by your hormones.

"You need help?" He notices how you're struggling to move and you nod. It seems like you want to go on but your legs are sore and shaking.

Your cunt throbs crazily and has Jing Yuan whipped, he lifts you by the hips and brings you down only to the length you can take. "I-I'll go faster!" You squeal, chasing the incoming high that has both of you reaching for the other's lips, making a messy exchange of saliva as his cock repeatedly coaxes your walls to make way. Jing Yuan's grip tightens and you immediately remove them, not wanting to feel his strong hold near your stomach. Instead, you relocate his hands to your breasts, moaning when he lightly squeezed. Much to his puzzlement at your abrupt removal of his hands, for now, he'll set his confusion aside just to kiss you softly, tucking away the hair that falls on your face.

"You look beautiful" His voice reverberates, praise going straight to your pussy.

"Do I, general?" You whisper as you elicit a moan when the bulbous head hits your spot.

"Believe me. That's why you're the one on top of me, isn't it?" Jing Yuan teases with a hearty laugh. He finds it all mesmerizing to see his dear wife falling apart above him. These skin-slapping sounds, the lewd faces you make, and the sight of him repeatedly disappearing into your folds have him losing the strength in holding back for your sake. He began to plump upwards at a speed that has your vision rocking and your nails finding expanse at his chest.

You continue to impale yourself on his cock, relishing in the sensation of being filled up repeatedly. Your lower belly starts to feel a coiling tension, one you're all too familiar with since the wedding night. And the sight of your husband's face going red with his lip bit was the one that pushed you to the edge.

The only thing you could say was a whimper of his name "Jing yuan—!", and then had a euphoric urge to close your eyes, but the sudden shift of his golden orbs from where you're connected to your own is what compels you to stare at him while you finish.

You look dumb and mesmerized above him, cunt soaking his length from your release, and the one thought behind your lovestruck gaze was the title that people called him.

"Wild Eyes"

You now know why he's dubbed a ridiculous name such as "wild eyes". The name is deemed true on the battlefield when he's in action, leading the alliance to victory and inflicting enemies with fear when he summons the Lightning Lord. And now it shows most true when he's in bed, breeding his lovely wife as he should.

"You okay, darling?" He asked, half-amused with shaky breaths. His thrusts suddenly slow down, groaning, only to shoot warm cum inside you as you fall down on his chest and take what he's giving you.

After being cleaned up, both of you settle on the bed and then you notice the mini cakes settled on a platter. The sudden cravings appear to be strong that you gradually reach out for the snack.

"I prepared those for you. I heard you've taken a liking to sweets. You like it?" Jing Yuan suddenly speaks and you look over to him. He's half-covered by the sheets, displaying his abs and war scars unabashed. But then you've seen his body multiple times now, what's there to be ashamed of?

Your cheeks burn at the view so you focus instead on savoring the sweetness. "I like it. Thank you for this."

Jing Yuan sighs while looking fondly at you. He has to leave you before dawn to attend the subjugation of the Stellaron monsters, one that will probably take days or perhaps weeks before he comes home to you. And Jing Yuan is currently facing the dilemma of how to break the news to you—

"You're going tomorrow, right? The mara-struck have been increasing in numbers along with the monsters that suddenly seem to appear out of nowhere." You take the words out of his mouth, looking over at him to see his eyes rounded in shock. "Jing Yuan, you're needed. So you should go, no need to feel guilty"

"Well I'm feeling guilty, I heard you've been sick every morning and I'm not there to take care of you. Perhaps I should call for the best physician in the Luofu? "

You smile yet it didn't reach the ends of your lips. "My maids take care of me and besides, the attending physician is fine."

"I'm your husband, they're taking my job." He sighs, hair falling in front of his face that you immediately tuck away. He takes it as an opportunity to grab your hand and kiss the back of your palm, keeping those golden eyes on you all the while.

You could feel yourself shrink from the intensity of his gaze. It felt so weird that it kind of tickled your stomach and nerves in a good way.

"Dearest (y/n), I don't want you to feel lonely in this manor. I know that it's my fault that we haven't been moving forward as we talked about but-" He suddenly gets cut off by you pressing your lips to his soft ones. You had your eyes closed to protect yourself from his eyes because you don't know if your heart will be able to take that gaze.

You wanted to be upset, you had every right to be upset as his wife. You wanted to say "I'm used to it" with a tone that demands coaxing and cuddles before you cry. You wanted so much time with him despite being married as strangers. Yet he has a responsibility to the people, one that often kept him away from the confines of your room—from your arms.

You could only force yourself to be mature about it and push down the urge to cling.

"Jing Yuan, we'll have plenty of time to be with each other. Besides, I have my maids to keep me company. I won't be lonely." You always knew you were amazing with lies but it took great effort to keep your voice from breaking. You hope he doesn't notice the glimmer of water in your eyes.

"And I-"

You wanted to tell him the good news but it seemingly got stuck in your throat.

"Hmm?"

You stopped yourself from speaking, quickly changing your words in a fit of internal panic.

"—want to say come back soon. Safely."

Jing Yuan noticed you wanted to say something else but he chose not to dwell on it. He'll just wait for you to tell him whatever it is.

"I will" He says before leaning in to kiss you, his large hands snake to your ear to the back of your head, keeping you firm within his lips as he lays you down for another round or two.

As soon as the maids heard the large patter of Jing Yuan's boots, they immediately scurried to your bedroom, hushed whispers of your name as she shakes you gently from your sleep.

"My lady! The general is now leaving the house! Hurry!" She says and you immediately wake up to find your robes and see him off. You knew he wouldn't wake you up for the sake of rest but who knows when will you see him again? The subjugation takes weeks or months if you're unlucky and from what you've heard, the current situation of the Xianzhou isn't pretty.

You could only whisper a prayer as you watch Jing Yuan's back go further away along with a gentle caress to your stomach.

"Let's hope he comes home in a week...or less" You chuckle and shake your head, finding it funny to talk to the child inside you. So this was the little surprise that Fu Xuan keeps on being cryptic about.

Jing Yuan could go on further but the stamina of the Cloud Knights wasn't exactly quite like his. He settles them down for rest and he had hoped to take the time to nap but a knight suddenly came over that he couldn't refuse. He's about to doze off but it seemed like he had to listen to his subordinate.

The knight bowed as a greeting, a wide grin splattered on his face. "General, I'm here to thank you on behalf of my family for saving them from the attacks last month. My mother almost fainted upon hearing it because apparently, my sister was pregnant during that time. It's only because of my incompetence that I failed to protect her that you had to step in-"

"Slow down young man." Jing Yuan commands and the knight shuts himself immediately. "No incompetent one becomes a Cloud Knight, we all undergo rigorous training to ensure that we're worthy of defending the Luofu."

The young man nods, apologizing for his words.

"And your sister's pregnant you say? How is she then?" Jing Yuan is not one to meddle in somebody else's personal life but he's just tiny curious about this particular matter.

"She's well, general. Now that she's far in, her cravings for sweets became worse along with the morning sickness. She's nauseous at the smell of some food—General? Are you all right?"

Those little details present during that afternoon suddenly came slapping him in the face for not realizing sooner.

Jing Yuan is a fool. He had become a father and he had no idea at all.

"Excuse me. I need to talk to Yanqing for a while." He flashed a smile and nod before scurrying over to the boy dressed in blue.

"General? What's the matter?" He noticed his master's face in distress, although rare, Yanqing has seen it every time something concerns you. It's natural for him to mirror the expression of the general as the boy sees you as his mother figure.

"Yanqing go back to the city at once. I will take charge of here, we should be coming back in three days."

"Three days? But general-"

"(y/n) is with child. Go protect her in my stead."

And that's how you come to see the blonde-haired boy at your door. You immediately came rushing when the maids told you Yanqing arrived at the manor. Every worst-case scenario suddenly came flashing like reels in your mind. Your heart was pounding like crazy as you await Yanqing's response to your question.

"Weren't you supposed to be in the expedition? W-where is a Jingyuan?" Your throat felt constricted due to the immense panic you felt since the boy returned home alone. Usually, after a long expedition, he comes home to your abode with your husband ahead of him. Yet this time the boy had a conflicted expression that worsened your anxieties.

"The general sent me ahead of them...because he found out something about you. He asked me to protect you that's why I'm here, I'll be staying until the general returns." Yanqing says sheepishly and you realize he's beating around the bush.

"What did he find out? I don't understand."

"Y-you're..." He struggled to find the words until, finally he spoke while scratching the back of his head. "You're pregnant. The general found out."

How in the world did he? You were pretty sure he remained clueless until he left. The thoughts of his reactions plagued you at night as you rub your belly. You only hope keeping this news doesn't anger him. If he knew of your condition before departing, he'd be extremely worried on top of all those battles he'll face. You counted day by day until it was finally the third day where Jing Yuan and the Xianzhou troops would arrive.

The morning sickness kept you confined to your bed and bathroom. You closed your eyes for a minute and you felt the door open to which you sit up-right in anticipation. And there he was, walking towards you like some sort of saving light. His long white hair swayed subtly, gold eyes sparkling with delight, and the smile you've grown to love made the corners of your lips rise. He pulled out a nearby chair and kissed your forehead. His hand suddenly went from your stroking your hair to your tummy and you flinched, wide-eyed.

"You kept this a little secret from me huh?" He muses and you're glad from the tone that he isn't angry. Jing Yuan just happily gazes back and forth between your face and your belly. "I'm not mad as I understand why you had to hide it. You don't have to apologize." His words make you melt, you wrapped your arms around him in an attempt to cover your shyness while you complain about your morning sickness and everything in between.

Jing Yuan strokes your body as he mindlessly repeats the happy thoughts of being a father. Surely he has to reward you for being so good to him, right?

Night had fallen and you settled in the bed with a sigh. Jing Yuan followed you as he got out of the bathroom, shirtless. Your eyes naturally drifted to his body and filled your mind with sin, shifting uncomfortably when the itch between your legs started.

He dries his long hair with the towel, muscles flexing with each movement and you couldn't help but stare at him and what he's hiding underneath, your eyes lingering as he goes to dress his lower half. To think this man's seed is growing inside you makes you feel so damn turned on. You feel wanted by him and Jing Yuan himself confirms your feelings.

He soon lays on the bed, it dips with his weight and you scoot over because you know what he's waiting for. Jing Yuan leans down to meet with your lips, tongues clashing in a fit of passion and he grabs you by the waist to move you closer.

All he felt was cold nights in tents these past few days. The warmth of your body along with the comfort of your shared home butters the general in a sweet mood to make love. He lightly kneads the flesh of your ass through your nightgown, distracting you with his kisses and expert handwork as he takes off your clothing. Those nimble digits creep up between your thighs, cupping his favorite toy as you pull away to let out a moan.

He doesn't let you though. He immediately grabs your chin to connect your lips once more at a pace that starts to pick up. You didn't even notice how you're suddenly caged under his body. Jing Yuan pulls away when he notices it's been too long without breathing, he's not one bit fazed about the makeout but when he sees you looking absolutely debouched, his cock twitches as the animal inside him craves to devour you.

"Pretty pretty wife" Your husband muses with a smile as you suddenly feel him pushing aside your panties. The tip of his fingers teasingly touches your part like butterflies and every sensation you feel goes straight to your throbbing pussy. Jing Yuan wants to go down on you like a madman but he holds back for your sake and his. And it's all because his fingers don't want to leave your pussy at all, he missed this so bad since he's left to fist his cock at nights when you aren't there.

"So tight—missed this amazing pussy." Two of his digits enter your puffy lips, parting them slowly and checking your walls if it can accommodate his size. You always had a hard time taking him. He fights the same tightness that's currently enveloping his fingers while he ignores your pleas to stop.

"Shh shhh you like this, look at you." He drawls, putting on speed with the way he's fingering you. "And when I stop, you whine for me to put it back in. What do you really want hmm?" Two digits are thick enough to fill you completely, what more if it's his cock filling you up? You moan when it hits the spot, squirming inside you and then pulling out only to play with your clit.

He laughs when you cry out in surprise, cooing at the tears that decorate your eyes and wiping them as if he's not the cause. Jing Yuan positions himself above you, quickly discarding the material that hides your treasure. The throbbing between your legs got worse as he starts to unbuckle his pants. You could faintly make out its hardened outline before its leaking tip shows itself to you.

Jing Yuan chuckles, watching how your eyes followed his movement when he strokes himself to spread precum. "Shit, you want this? Want my cock?" He groaned and as expected, your legs automatically tightened around his waist, begging for him to slide it.

"Jing Yuan, please don't be mean. I missed you so much, I need you! Fill me up please!" Your cries passed by him in a daze as he already heard that countless times from you, sure it makes his dick twitch but what moved him was your eyes that showed how much you needed him. They were glossy and conveyed so much emotion other than feeling lust.

It was feeding on the general's urge to take care of you and his child, to love you even if you don't feel the same. He's determined to make this marriage work, you're not backing down now that he's sealed you with his seed.

His thoughts made him touch your stomach mindlessly, the other hand lining up his cock against your folds. Jing Yuan kisses the top of your head, whispering assurance that he'll be gentle. "I'll be gentle, slow pace right? Don't want me hurting you." He says, pushing in to be met with warm walls that grip his cock like a vice.

"Fuckkk, taking me so good." He hissed but suddenly his attention was directed to you who mewled his name.

"I-it's okay to be rough—I want it anyway, just be careful." Your voice dwindles with each word and heat rushes to your face when you realize what you just said. It was embarrassing but on the first night together, you remember Jing Yuan telling you it's important for you to say what you want during sex. So even though you wanted to cover your face with a pillow, your resolve stayed strong until you hear Jing Yuan chuckle.

He leaned down to kiss you on the lips, resisting the urge to pinch you when you look at him with puzzled doe eyes. "Of course. Anything you say, I'll keep in mind." He coos, snuggling his kisses to your neck down to your soft breasts.

He eases the penetration by pushing slow yet continuous, both of you moaning when he buries himself slightly to the hilt. "Is this okay? Deep enough?"

"Y-yeah so good!"

Jing Yuan knows he's big and the effect it has on you. You're shaking beneath him and he could feel it with the way your legs are around his torso. And along the way home, he somehow picked up the knowledge that pregnant women are sensitive especially in their erogenous parts. He was almost overcome with the instinct to pull out if it felt too much for you but when you're saying stuff like wanting him to cum inside you over and over—Jing Yuan knows the only way to please his needy wife is to shoot the load that got you pregnant in the first place.

You shiver when he slides out and prods at your entrance, waiting for him to plunge back in and the second stretch of your hole never fails to open your mouth in shock, sneaky Jing Yuan takes the opportunity to slide his mouth and indulge in sloppy kisses.

"Mmmh-s-stop-ahh!-move inside now!" He pulls away only when you break the kiss and ask to move inside you already. It felt bratty to him but for tonight, he's gonna heed to everything you say. It's only right that Jing Yuan fucks this pussy so good for bearing him a child.

"Impatient are we?" He clicks his tongue and begins to tie his loose hair with the red ribbon. Your attention was so caught in his muscular arms that you didn't even anticipate the movement of his length in your walls. He begins to fuck you while he ties his hair and your eyes were left frozen in shock that he couldn't help but break out a laugh. "Stop looking so cute or else I'll forget that I'm supposed to be holding back." Jing Yuan chuckles before putting his strength in his lower half to work, pulling out halfway through before surprising you as he pushes back to hit the spot.

"Feels good?" You nod dumbly at his question, moaning at how delicious his cockhead feels when it pounds. You wanted to speak but only incoherent babbles makes it out of your mouth that you chose to shut up instead, taking and enjoying his large cock that's breaking your pussy open. He keeps up his pace, his groans in tandem with his thrusts and your body moves along, creating jiggles on your breasts and stomach.

"Look at you, so pretty and tight as fuck. Taking me so good—ugh" He got cut off when your walls pulsed around him, sending shivers down his spine as he lets out a mix of lewd sounds that tickles your ear.

Jing Yuan suddenly latches his lip onto your nipple, sucking ravenously at your nipple and you scream in pleasure, kicking your feet only for him to push deeper to keep your legs in place.

"Can't wait to see—mmmh—these breasts full of milk—won't have another chance to suck at you like this". Jing Yuan mumbles between lapping at your mounds. His words made you gush below, obscene squelches overlapping your whimpers. Your hands desperately grabbed at the sheets as Jing Yuan pounded furiously with his mouth attached to your boobs. It looked so so dirty—so wrong but you can't help but enjoy how he's using your body.

Everything was so sensitive, your body felt like it was on fire. His movements were coming all at once yet he had another trick up his sleeve. Your flesh gets bitten down by his teeth, a sharp pain shooting up in your body that made your walls clench tighter around him. He thrusts in response to your enclosing walls, feeling him grin with your nipple between his teeth.

"Hah! 'm close, Jing Yuan!" Your hand flew to your mouth to hold the moans that threatened to surface but your husband doesn't like that. He prefers it when you're lewd and noisy, the sounds you make were a stark contrast to your image.

He moves your hand to his hair all the while looking at your debauched expression. There was no thought behind your eyes, only thinking of the way his cock fucks back into your hole, molding your cunt to his shape.

He took pity on your senses, you must be so far gone now that only breathless moans are coming out of your mouth. But the primal urge to claim you even though you're his always gets the better of him. Jing Yuan pulls away from your body and hovers to see you in your entirety. He experiments on your obedience for the fun of it, shoving one finger at first and then adding another two to see your reaction.

The look on your face with three fingers stuffed inside your mouth fuels him to pump his cock harder, to give it to you better because you look absolutely ravishing right now. And when you wrap your pouty lips around his digits before he could say anything, his heart does a little backflip as the corners of his lip rise. You were so fucking good for him so he pinches your clit, earning a yelp.

Jing Yuan feels like he's falling harder for you. He's so lucky—so blessed to have you underneath him, he wonders if this marriage wasn't orchestrated then who would be the one to see you like this? The ugly thought has him wanting to claim you one after another, leaving marks on your skin so people would know who you belong to. He'd have you know nothing but his name, the feeling of pleasuring and being pleasured, bearing his child and showing off that you're his and his only.

You're his wife now and that's the only thing that matters, besides you have a child on the way. And Jing Yuan groans loudly to match the pace of his thrusts, one that got you crying and sobbing out of the immense onslaught of pleasure. He fucks so good to the point you feel like your eyes are gonna go to the back of your head or your jaw is gonna lock from how frequently you're opening your mouth.

"Gonna cum?" The veins on his cock glide on your walls, balls swinging from the impact as you take a slight peek at how his dick stretches you out before falling back onto the pillow and nodding your head. "Cum for me then. Show me how good I am to you."

His deep voice lulls you to release, his loving gaze directed to you, and the fulfilling way his hips continued to rut into your cunt. And the filthy words that he whispers near your ear, bordering on degradation and praise. All of those combined and you couldn't help but close your eyes and feel him meeting your little thrusts, chasing your high. As you were nearing your closure, Jing Yuan suddenly attaches his lip to your boob and gets the timing right, provoking your screams as you have an orgasm that absolutely wrecks the lights out of you. You're nothing but a mess beneath his strong arms, his pretty little wife that keeps on crying and thrashing from having an orgasm ten times more intense than normal.

"Fucking take it—take it all." Jing Yuan pants from putting all of his energy left to chase his high, cock hitting you at the best depth that has your feet kicking. Sounds of 'pwop' and squelches fill the room alongside his groans. He leaves your mounds to go seal a fervent kiss to your lips, performing a few more thrusts until it's slowing down as he paints your walls milky white, ropes and ropes of warm cum shooting inside your cunt until he feels spent.

All that's left to do is to clean you up and run another bath, no doubt there's already warm water prepared for both of you. The intensity of doing it with Jing Yuan left you unable to focus and now that you're gaining clarity of your surroundings, you see his eyes that stand out from the background. It's like a swirl of gold that pulls you in and renders you speechless yet you mumble unconsciously "wild eyes" that didn't escape your husband's hearing.

It left Jing Yuan in a fit of giggles, brushing your hair behind your ear as you bury your face in his chest. "So you've heard that one? I wonder if our child will inherit these wild eyes of mine."

You reply while gazing up at him. "I hope so. Your eyes are really pretty."

"Thank you" Jing Yuan broke out a smile, not able to hide what he was feeling as he presses a tender kiss to your forehead that you savor with your eyes closed. His hand traveled to your stomach, caressing it as he looks up to the ceiling, wondering about the future.

Then he says "I'll be present more. I'll be a great husband and father just as they call me a great general." He suddenly declares that you slightly sit up to look at him with awe.

Your lips part, unsure of what to say but you know that from those golden eyes alone that anything you say will be fine. You could feel love—see love emanating from their so-called wild eyes.

"I...would like that"

[vind3miat0r]

project meridian finale thoughts

yap session warning‼️ also spoilers‼️

kinda sad that it was all a dream bc the concept of it was actually really interesting in and of itself. i also liked PM bc it was a sci-fi storyline amidst all of the modern fantasy and contemporary stories on the channel. not to mention, we know more about the dream versions of every character than we do the waking world versions (also i liked having an android listener :3)

but at the same time, this is (technically speaking) the first new listener we've gotten in over a year. and theyre empowered AND latent!! the first latent character on the channel in four years!!

i have no doubt that Erik is going to make a followup to Project Meridian where we follow waking world!Asset's journey of processing their trauma and learning their powers. Erik isnt the kind of guy who would just drop an hour long audio full of perspective-altering lore and be like "yeah youre never getting these characters again lol." im certain that we're gonna learn more about James, Anton, and Marc too in said followup, and maybe even some new characters will be introduced

also the fucking PARALLEL of Marc being the one who was initially in control of the dream and being the one who was pulling the strings and Marcus having been the one to input the obsession code that gave him power AUGH ERIK WHEN I FUCKING CATCH YOUUUUU

wrapping this up with some confirmed things:

— Asset/Dreamer is a Latent Dreamwalker

— Marc (Marcus) is also a Dreamwalker

— James confirmed to be humanborn (imp!James was humanborn)

— Anton confirmed to be a Wolf Shifter (fool!Anton was a wolf shifter)

— the entirety of PM takes place in Asset's mind, while Asset's body was in McKinley (a cornerstone city im assuming is in a state near California)

— implied that Quinn attacked Asset and their sister shortly before he was caught and locked up

— that means this takes place around May/June of 2023

— this subsequently means that Asset is NOT Darlin's unempowered friend (and if i see anyone say they are i will lose my mind) (remember ANTON was the one who saved Asset and their sister, NOT Darlin)

— something about the state of the Meridian being on the news and Asset having read theories about it (state of Meridian made public? possible connection to the Hush + Doc, Carpe Deus, and/or Sovereign State storylines?)

i do have a LOT more to say about this, but my brain isnt braining and i want to listen to the audio again to make sure i didnt miss anything, so this is all ill say for now :)

[ssruis]

I have a weird and maybe a little bit ooc fanfic idea where it's basically a collection of times that at the beginning of the new school year whenever Rui is too focused on his work to cause trouble and Tsukasa can catch a damn break for once An begins to get on Tsukasa's nerves by breaking the school rules in Very Minor and Insignificant ways. Like wearing her uniform slightly incorrectly. Leaving her piercings in. Speed walking in the hallways. Etc. And whenever Tsukasa tries to approach her about it she pulls this monologue on him (paraphrased)

She does this for like a week or so out of sheer pettiness & the fun of it but stops very soon because 1) She feels bad for making him upset by reminding him he was part of Rui's shenanigans during the first year. He's remorseful enough about it 2) Touya glares at her and it makes her die inside a little bit 3) She feels like she still owes Rui some for the tutoring and that extends to Tsukasa in some way 4) An can hold a mean grudge but she's not a vengeful person by nature so it kinda just stops being fun or satisfying and she goes "wait this is pathetic actually. Why am I doing this". & Then she stops doing this. And Tsukasa is still mildly haunted by the happenings

HELP MEEE THATS SO FUNNY…. Tsukasa is so confused & stressed by this and anytime a reminds him of his past transgressions he does his “augh i have failed as a senior by acting so irresponsibly in the past” thing. An looking at tsukasa doing something akin to his dollfes untrained card over this & shes like ohh he’s kinda pathetic. now i feel bad. Tsukasa very casually asks Toya if something’s going on with An & then the next time she’s in the sekai she walks into the cafe to see Toya sitting at a table with a coffee & he’s like “ah shiraishi… please have a seat 😐☕️” (an remembering all the times Toya has gotten peeved about Akito being a little rude to tsukasa & promptly entering soggy wet cat mode & apologizing) (Toya was literally just going to ask if she was ok).

My one fic idea with An boils down to her asking nene to eat lunch together & nene’s like “tsukasa isn’t here so I’m eating with rui today sorry…” and an (who still feels some semblance of responsibility despite her best efforts & is like oh god tsk isn’t here to corral him he’s gotta be up to something) is like “oh that’s fine I can join you guys :).” & she’s treated to a first hand seat of rui acting like tsukasa has gone off to war. He has no desire to do anything mischievous it’s not fun when tsukasa isn’t there to get mad. She’s watching nene coerce Rui into eating lunch & is internally like wow this is really sad (oblivious to the fact that she does this when kohane is sick and can’t come to practice)… tfw you wanna hang out with that pathetic green thing but she has to take care of her deeply over dramatic purple clown friend.

[qoldenskies]

Wahhhh thinking about how Donnie cuts himself off when infodumping to April, and how the boys might not even remember to miss it until Donnie starts to slip one day before clamming right back up. And suddenly it’s such a big absence it hurts, and they think about how Donnie had so readily believed that he never knew when to shut his mouth because they’d been annoyed by his “rants” before—and how much they’d kill to hear him be himself unabashedly just one more time so they can properly show how much they love all of the little traits that made him Donnie </3

!!! LITERALLY!!!!! (april is described as "taken aback" in that scene for a really similar reason, actually... seeing a spark of who he used to be immediately snuffed out made it all feel so much more real. can't help how much she thinks about that "i wouldn't be good at it" back in her apartment.... augh) even before the curse they would pretend to be annoyed about it but that's because they had no reason to ever feel like that'd be taking it for granted. donnie was so UNABASHEDLY himself, and he didn't ever even falter in the face of embarrassment or judgement. they adored that about him in the way that they adore it about mikey. there was something so innocent and joyous about it, and it's absence is LOUD.

even as he heals, they're never going to get it back. i've not really thought about how cc!donnie would be years into recovery super thoroughly but i feel like even once he's come to a deeper, genuine understanding that what happened to him was never his fault, he'll still be a kind of timid and overly accommodating person from that point on. he's going to spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder and second-guessing himself, and for his family, every time he stammers or apologizes or worriedly questions if he went too far after making a joke, its going to feel like salt in the wound, and it'll never truly go away. even when he's content. even when he can take being teased again. even when he's excitedly presenting things to them, and able to be around them without worrying about his safety. even when he's happy.

they have more than enough reasons to grieve.