#something about my bday just makes me want to kms

[sminkus]

they need to put not having good birthdays in the DSM 6

[space-gh0sts]

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[ggukminii]

Tag Games Masterpost! ✨

♐️  Zodiac Sign tag!

tagged by @calicooky @jiminslight @euphhorias thank you babies!! 💜

Sagittarius: Teal or Purple. Topaz or Turquoise. Dandelion or Daffodil. Ginseng or Cilantro. Horse or Stag/Buck. Plane ride or Road trip. Learn Hindi or Learn Japanese. Ginger or Wasabi. Climbing or Snowboarding. Teleportation or Super Speed. Carnival or Circus. Sake or Tequila. Duffel Bags or Suitcases. Time Manipulation or Basic Precognition. Tambourine or Triangle. Backpacking or Whitewater rafting. Aquarius or Libra.

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📝  Quiz Game

ty @calicooky and @jkjms 🥺

you're fierce, courageous and intelligent.

you have an electric smile and there's something magical about your words. people want to be liked by you, because when you like someone it's felt so very deeply. you're an angry sky nurturing dark forests and wide meadows, you're the wide-spread wings of a dragon, you're the stranger stuck in minds and the classmate that's so hard to forget. it's an honor to know you, it's an honor to be loved by you, it's an honor to love you. i wish you, too, could feel the love and the adoration you've been pouring into this world.

ok what are these tears 😭

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🎵 What BTS era are you?

@jiminslight @jkjms @euphhorias ty for tagging me!

Spring Day

Run's softer older sister, equally as gay/traumatised as Run but it made them soft and nostalgic instead of trying to cling onto memories that never happened, you miss simpler, happier times and although it makes you sad, you know that the future isn't something to be nervous about, everything will be okay in the end "But what is grief, if not love persevering?"

omg what an honor?? 😭

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💜  What does love mean to you?

@gimbapchefs @jkjms thank you!

something you want to share

you have so much love and you just want to share it with everybody, don't you? there's nothing more you'd hate than to keep your fondness and tenderness for other people and love as a whole inside. please never hide your love for others, be reckless and loud with your "i love you"s and make plans when it feels like no one else is bold enough to. we're all scared that our love won't be matched or reciprocated, we fear rejection and we have this idea that the people we love don't actually love us but only tolerate us for the sake of having someone to keep them company. but it's people like you, people who want to share their love with the world, that change that. so make plans, don't leave anything unsaid, send that song that made you think of them. life is too short to keep your love inside.

i’m sad :((

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✨ Which BTS member would you vibe with?

tagged by @calicooky thanks kris <3

Jeongguk

Ah, the golden maknae. He's got the most tender heart and the sweetest soul, no matter how many tattoos or piercings he gets in the future--he has "please love me" tattooed on himself now, afterall. Jeongguk is willing and wants to learn, and strives to be his personal best. He wants balance in his life, appreciates beauty, and is a romantic at heart. He's constantly analyzing himself, how he can be better, do better, and honestly he probably doesn't give himself enough credit. Don't be so hard on yourself if you relate to all of that--you're allowed to both give yourself a break and remember that we are always evolving.

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🪐 Make yourself a planet

@euphhorias @jkjms ty loves

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📷 Post 5 pictures of your 5 favorite idol smiles

tagged by @espressokookmin ty love!

plus two extra let’s get it

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❓ 30 Questions Tag

thank you @euphhorias @taejinnies @jiminslight​ !​

name/nickname: di ✨

star sign: sagittarius ♐

height: 5’4

birthday: december 4th! bday twins with jin hehe

favorite band: i mean.... bts :D

time: 11:55pm

favorite solo artist: hmm I don’t really follow solo artists but i listen to baekhyun (idk if this counts :”)), chungha, and dean quite a bit

song stuck in your head: Alcohol Free by Twice

last movie you watched: Thor: The Dark World

free space! : I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!! 💜💜💜

last show: I don’t know if this counts but I’ve been binging the hell out of all of Jessi’s Showterview episodes jsdflk she’s a queen ✨

when i created this blog: June of 2019 if I remember correctly!

what i post: gifs!! and a ton of shit posts hah 

last thing i googled: "2nd Thor move” cuz I forgot the name 😃

other blogs: no active ones! just my main and 18490832 side blogs I’ve created bc I’m obsessed with creating urls

do i get asks? very rarely jsdfsjdf

why i chose my url? kookmin > ggukminii! this blog was originally just km stuff lmao

following: 332

followers: so much more than I deserve 🥺

average hours of sleep: hmm usually 7-9 hours. if you asked me during school tho...🤡

lucky number: 4!

instruments: ooo I used to play the violin for a few years and the guitar for a few months but we dont talk about that

what am i wearing? large blue shirt and black shorts 

dream job: ooo this is hard but something that doesn’t confine me to a desk where I can work with a lot of other people!

favorite food: this is the hardest question for me to answer omg... can I pass? 😅

tea or coffee: tea!!

nationality: 🇺🇸 🤠

favorite song: second hardest question BUT if we’re going strictly bts then... black swan 🤍

last book i read: uhhh i’m currently reading Know My Name by Chanel Miller

top three fictional universes i would like to live in: 3?? hmm, definitely Harry Potter... and then maybe marvel and anything studio ghibli 

I tag whoever wants to do these! If there’s one game you really wanna do just go for it and say I tagged you <3333

[fairycosmos]

bro i hate father’s day sm because it’s also my d*ds bday and so my mom and i went out today to get him something but i had trouble figuring out what to get him cause like. 1) i hate him because he’s abused and traumatized me 2) he’s hurt my mom as well 3) i’m overall indecisive but she basically told me i was a selfish asshole because of that and like haha i wanna kms

hey man im so sorry to hear that :( ur dad is a CUNT and ur mum is an asshole for consistently putting you in danger and then just expecting you to get over it. while she’s a victim too, she still has a responsibility to protect you and you have every right to be mad. god it’s like parents just don’t grasp that kids are absolutely allowed to have a response to the trauma they’ve been through, and that they’re deserving of the help that is necessary to process and accept their pain. that includes you. no matter what they put you through, you must know that you’re a better person than they’ll ever be and that there is so much waiting for you out there. in terms of love, independence, happiness, and a future you can make your own. divorced of your mum and dad’s toxicity. no matter how hard it is to believe, it’s true. and while it’s completely unfair that you have to carry the weight of your childhood when it was entirely out of your hands, adulthood will lend you a lot of time and resources to recover in your own way. more than you realize in this moment, anyway. one of the side effects of abuse is not seeing a way forward, but there always is one, even if all you can do in this moment is survive. that’s enough. your older self will be so glad you did. but as far as your dad goes - honestly get him any old thing like. you don’t owe him a thought or any effort at this point. suburban middle aged men have no taste. maybe some cologne or a smart shirt or some shit. i know fathers day is rough when you have no reason to respect yours, and i hope you’re able to take it easy on yourself as you work through the emotions caused by that realization.  it’s alright to be sad, angry, hurt and numb. it’s to cry and vent and to grieve. but it’s not alright to use those feelings as an excuse to hurt yourself or to slip into a self destructive cycle. so if you find yourself going down that sort of mental spiral, i really hope you’re able to get into the habit of trying out different positive coping mechanisms that may be able to break you out of it. even if it feels dumb. writing, taking a walk, meditation, watching a comfort show, breathing techniques, talking to a friend or loved one. none of these things are solutions to the fundamental issue at hand, but they buy you time to recuperate and that often makes all the difference. you don’t have to have it all figured out, you just have to work with what you’ve got. and i believe in your ability to do so. ALSO i can 100% relate to being indecisive. ppl get mad at me for it too. but it doesn’t mean you’re selfish at all, it usually just means you’ve been ridiculed a lot in the past so you’re scared to make the wrong decision. your mother is on some bull shit and one of the greatest parts about growing up is realizing that, realizing just how wrong parents are sometimes. anyway this is all over the place and i dont want to make it too long, but i really hope you’re alright and that you’re looking out for yourself despite it all. as a side note, i’d really recommend maybe bringing up how much you’re struggling to like - a school counselor, or your doctor to see if they can refer you for some support, or even a hotline that deals with mental illness and abuse. if possible, anyway. i understand why it might not be, or why the idea might make you extremely uncomfortable, but i hope you know that it’s always there for you to refer back to. that you truly do not have to shut yourself off from seeking a support network and that you have a RIGHT to talk about the everything that hurts. while taking the initial step is scary, it’s also never as bad as your brain envisions it to be. and there’s a lot to gain from opening up, you know? there’s no relief in suffering in silence. but that’s just a suggestion, no pressure. it’s totally normal to need time and to want to approach this at your own pace. again, i’m really sorry your parents are so blinded by their own ignorance. if you need a friend or anyone to talk to, my inbox will be open. you’re not alone. please take it one day at a time x

[soo-sex]

190311 Soohyun Fancafe Chat (Part 3)

[English translation by junhaera_]

Soohyun: gap-bun-tti  KM: what does that mean?  Soohyun: suddenly the atmosphere becomes quiet (after saying a joke)  KM: our oppa is in the new generation  SH: at the camp  - the kids  - they are 98, 97, 99 liners  - since they are young  - im learning new generation language

KM: so young  - dont learn weird things  - ajusshi  SH: kkkk  - not too long ago  - a 99 liner came as a junior  - wow, 10 year age gap with me  - in our troop, im the 3rd oldest person  KM: kkkkk  - it's a relief you havent seen a 00 liner kk  - it's a relief youre not the oldest

KM: right, you're already out of the army before you see a 00 liner  SH: 00 liner?  - 00?  - is there a 00 liner?  - kkkkk  KM: youre already gone before you see a 00 line in the army  SH: when a 00 line comes kk

SH: ah right  - since im doing well in the army  - executives wants me to apply for professional sergeant (position)  KM: u cant  SH: u know I've got a special forces certificate again, right?  - i mentioned it before  - can i talk bout that too? kk  - i have to keep the camp's security

SH: i gained leg muscles  - not a weakling now  - we do a lot of marching ㅠ  KM: how about abs? chocolate abs  SH: of course, there's abs  - but i wont show it  KM: why?  SH: im not gonna show it easily  KM: if i show it easily  - will make a habit out of it  - kissmes

KM: eng  - fail  SH: kkkk  - what fail  - damn kkkk  KM: SHOW IT, SHOW IT, SHOW IT kkkkk  - say damn what kkk  SH: why  KM: what is Soohyun's rank  SH: can i talk about it?  - i think you dont like stories about the army  KM: say it..  SH: kkk  - ill be a sergeant in April  KM: oooh~  - wow

SH: but my discharge date  - it hasn't changed  - anyway, in the army  - it's manageable  - once you go,  - go like a man for once  and i think it's worth the try  - easy easy - the marines  - ㅠㅠㅠㅠ  - Hoonie ㅜㅜ  KM: im curious about Hoon's hairstyle.. curious

SH: when im at the camp again  - ill give advise to the kids  - how much they did well  KM: cool  - life sunbae  - i envy them  - living witness

SH: ah right  - what was that  - ill tell something interesting kkk  - Junnie  - receive the rookie award right?  KM: yes  SH: there at MBC  - just when he was receiving the award  - that time was our cleaning time kkk

SH: my junior said - hyung, your group member - he's so cool receiving an award - but you hyung - just do your best cleaning - with the mop KM: that was mean SH: ah i thought it was funny - kkkk KM: kkkk ah that punk junior kkk - how hard did you clean it kkk

SH: no, I didn't mean anything bad - he's a nice kid - mom is excited - she'll drink beer - kkkk KM: so funny kkk - i want beer too SH: i really clean up hard kkk - even seniors are looking at me - because im cleaning too hard

KM: why are you trying so hard kkk SH: no? - the higher my rank goes - the more i should work hard KM: should we send more cleaning supplies to the military camp? SH: the cleaning supplies are good enough, it's okay

KM: how's the food? SH: the food - it's very delicious - really - at the boot camp KM: i want to try it SH: it's really delicious when i first get to eat it - i gained 7 kilos 

KM: what's the most delicious food? SH: the most delicious one - stir fried vienna sausage - the best

SH: i have to work out & lose weight now KM: was there such a day where there are leftovers? SH: no such day - there's a futsal field too - really, there's nothing more i can ask for with futsal & football kkk - but there are over 60 people (in the chat) - less than 10 are talking

KM: it's lagging, slow. is it only me SH: not lagging for me KM: are u using a computer oppa? SH: yup, im on a computer kkkk - who wants to do a 1:1 chat with me KM: it's your bday, are u not going out somewhere? SH: it's my bday but where do i go? - gotta spend it w/ my family

SH: actually yesterday was really..kkkk - ey - chatting with kissmes (abt it) - wow - I'll tell you what - i'll leave it to your imagination KM: what is it - you didnt walk on four legs, did you? SH: no, i usually set my target KM: looks like you drink well

KM: oppa how many bottles can you drink SH: 3 bottles of soju - i cant drink that much - Hoonie is really - a heavy drinker - Hoonie can drink 6 bottles KM: wow that's doubled SH: kkkk KM: did Jun drink a lot too? SH: Jun dont drink - because Jun is an idol, he dont drink

KM: but youre an idol too oppa SH: ey, im an artist - i have to protect Jun KM: Kiseop was not there? - do you become an artist when you go to the army? - could it be that jun is an al-sseu? SH: ah kiseop was with his family - he wasnt able to come SH: what is al-sseu? - al-sseu? KM: alcohol trash (cant drink alcohol, gets drunk easily) SH: ah~~ kkk - al-kko - alcohol kkomaengie (kid)

Soohyun: limak (a member on fc, one who said he became an artist when he went army hahaha) - who are you - you keep ignoring me ㅠㅠ KM: oppa you know in-ssa/ a-ssa, right? SH: yes i know in-ssa - ey limak: please dont shoot meㅠㅠ SH: kk kiki

by the way...  in-ssa > insider > popular friend/person  a-ssa > outsider > a friend/ someone who aint popular

KM: oppa what is ae-ppae-si Soohyun: if you remove aegyo, there's dead body (this can be used in positive way as someone who pretty much uses aegyo a lot or negatively as someone who doesn't have much outside of their aegyo) - yah, i know that much KM: i didnt know that

SH: give me questions KM: JMT SH: jon-mat-taeng (slang for very delicious) KM: JGT - man-ban-jal-bu SH: jgt? what's that KM: jol-gwi-taeng (slang for freaking cute) SH: man-ban-jal-bu? KM: nice to meet you, please take care of me (MANnaseo BANgawo JAL BUtakhae)

SH: give me just half of the dumplings - jal~~~ tu~~~ e~~ - bok-se-pyeon-sal? - strong abs, soft slice of boiled beef (not the real meaning of it, he made this one up) KM: kkk, no - what was that SH: ah it's hard kkk KM: let's live simply in this complex world SH: nice

SH: tmi - too much information (wrote it in hangul) KM: ooh~ - too much information (in english) SH: thank you~ - i cant write that in english KM: what's o-jal? SH: slice the cucumber finely (another made up meaning by him hahaha, right one: you did well today too) - o-jal

[hmn-studies]

I need help

Depression. Anxiety. Whatever you can have it is just taking us down. Nowadays with social medias, we see 10 years-old kids suffuring of this because they feel rejected by society, because their partner left them for a better person. I’ve long been angry at those 10 YO kids. I mean : what do they know, really ? They are complaining for they life but they’ve been raised in some damn good situations that it seems to me that they only were complaining to get others attention.

What I forgot is that I actually was one of those kids. I never said anything on social medias. Whh would I ? No one cares anyway, and for those who really do like me, they’ll be sad that I don’t feel like I can tell them all my problems. I don’t want them to think that i don’t trust them or so, i just don’t want them to worry about me because I know their own troubles and they have enough to worry about, why would I add myself in their mind while they are struggling with bigger troubles ?

I am 20 now. And even if I never spoke, I was just like those kids and now I know they are not doing this for attention. They can still save their lives this way. Like I will be able to save mine one day (or not).

I’m suffuring from depression and anxiety and as INFP I sort of have a suicidal mind time to time even though I never attempt on my life. If my mom read this, she would be so pained, because she did all she could to make me happy. She did a pretty good job. So mom if you ever see this, please don’t take that for you. I know you were and will always be there for me. But today, I need others help.

Because I’ve been bullied. Because I’ve been envious of others who could get what they wanted. Because, even if life is no competition, I wasn’t the best at everything and failed more than once. Because I’ve smiled when I wanted to cry. Because I’m invisible to most of people in this world. Because I can’t keep a damn friends with me, they all leave me eventually. Because I’m there, everyday for people who needs me, and when I see that they are bot okay I will always take time to help them or at least comfort them. Because I feel like no one can see my pain. Because I’m not living in a fiction or a movie and my whole life seems to fall apart and the heroic guy will no longer be there to rescue me. Because I feel alone all the time.

I can’t go and talk to people like this, talk in public, expose myself, I’m too scared of being uurt again. But no matter what I do to protect myself, I always get hurt a way or another. But I also hurt others, cause I’m a freak controle, I’m so affraid of loosing people I know and I love, that when I feel they are getting away, I try to make them stay by showing I’m the one in charge. When I look on how I can be with my boyfriend, I’m affraid to be that kind of wofe that bully her husband to make him obey… what if I become like this ? I wasn’t raised in that state of mind ?

Ironic thing ? Tell me to do something and I’ll follow your leads like a good doggo no matter if I agree or not with you.

I really am scared of my future. I spend night crying and the presence of Bae in my bed helps me to get better. But in few days He’ll have to go away for his studies and I will be on my own, 1k Kms away from him, my family… I have no idea how I’m gonna survive this without having more and more bad thoughts every night… what if I can’t fight anymore and start distryoing myself even if I’m totally against that ?

I tried to find ways to help myself, having a blog where I could talk about my mood, opening an IG acc where I could post good pics (which I’m not really hood at btw), writing a book to use it as a purgatory… but I’m so not made for that. I write one article, post one pic and the next day I already forgot all of this.

Ps : to my best friend following me here. If you see this, we’ll discuss that if you want to. In private only. Not sure when, but you deserve the explaination on what screwed my mind on my bday and going in details is just too hurting rn. I love you

I need help. What can I do ? Please.

[some-far-far-away-land]

Chesca’s Current Status

This weekend was amazing and gave me so much happiness, something I feel like I haven’t been in a long time. You know that the rest of this post is gonna explain why lol

So earlier last week I heard that a friend was selling tickets to the Alex Aiono and William Singe concert that I had been eyeing since like I think December or January, whenever they had released their tour dates. I was debating about it but by the time I decided tickets sold out already. So when I heard about my friend selling her ticket, the whole week I thought about it. I told her I’d tell her by Friday night. The week goes by and I was still debating, I was pretty broke and i knew if I went I would spend a lot of money on like getting there and back, and then food, and subway. What actually made me decide was that after class friday Nat Jose and I went for coffee with our old Don and I mentioned I was debating in going to toronto for this concert and Nat was like, “yo, lets go, i need a getaway and celebrate finishing design.” Plus Nellie was throwing a late bday party for Paul Saturday but I knew that Lisa would be there and that Thavi could potentially be there too. I honestly just didn’t want another repeat of gfx. I wouldn’t have been comfortable and I didn’t want that to translate on a celebration. Plus thinking about being in the same room as those two made me really anxious. I mean I know I didn’t do anything wrong but its the bad vibes and negativity I know those two people have for me that would make me uncomfortable. I mean if you had a choice I think you would choose a weekend in toronto by yourself, going on a few dates and going to see one of you favourite Youtube singers live, over a few hours of not knowing how to act around two people who use to be the closest people in your life who have now come to hate you for who know what reasons? 

So yea after a night of drinking and dancing at Phil’s with Nat, Jon, and Jose, which by the way was super fun because of the drunken talks and the company. Nat and I ventured off to Toronto Saturday morning. We went and got Pho in Chinatown, and then went to Eaton’s to shop and pick up some stuff. We ate there and didn’t go to Celene and Abby’s place till around 6pm. Funny story about where we ate for dinner. We went to the like cafeteria type place. I went to the coffee and pastry section since I was still full from Pho. I got an iced latte with a cheesecake. While I was in line, there was a hella rude customer who was on his phone telling the guy behind the counter (who was pretty cute btw) that he wanted more syrup on his waffle. He was also waiting for his drink and when the girl called it out he didn’t think it was his, when it clearly was. When he had left the cute guy behind the counter and another co-worker who I realized were filipino started talking about how rude he was. I listened and laughed cuz I know their struggles too and when the guy gave me my drink i smiled and said Salamat, and he was thrown off by it and he smiled back and I went on my merry way. 

Conversation with Nat was pretty good, we go pretty deep into my stuff, just with dating again and how I had been feeling the past few weeks. After that we went back and I redid my make up and taxied to the venue. I thought I was gonna be late but the show didn’t start till 8pm, line just started to move at 7pm. We get into the venue and its just standing so no seats. Its pretty packed and it was cold in there. I was supposed to meet up with my friend Jezeth but she was in the middle and I couldn’t find her so I just chilled where I was. When alex came out I had an amazing view of him, like most of the people there were girls who were with their girl friends or girls with their boyfriends, plus most of the people were asian so they were all shorter then me all I had to do was tippy toe a bit and I could see alex so well! The girls I ended up standing with and eventually befriending were super fun! They were drinking too so their vibes were legit and we danced and fangirled the whole time together! 

So let me talk about Alex, this man, omg he was so much cuter in person, his smile 10x warmer and his voice.... like fuck me, lol Like I thought that it wouldn’t sound as good as his videos but honestly he sounded exactly the same, even better live actually. I could listen to this man sing and play guitar for hours! I totally jus vibed out during his set, really took in the moment and just enjoyed being in the same space as him. *sigh* his gf is so lucky! lol

So after Alex it was obviously William and I only knew him from the songs he and Alex collabed together on. I honestly was not prepared, like this man, was sooooo good live, like his falsetto is on point, his covers were amazing! I love his style, his r&b swag and even his original songs... man. He got me feeling feels too. A little bit into his set my phone died and I actually am so glad it did. I really jus experienced the night and really enjoyed myself without worrying about getting things on camera. I just lived in the moment. I was just so happy and loving life. Alex ended up coming back later on and they sang the songs they did together and I almost died, like I felt like I went to heaven lol

After the concert, which ended around 10:30pm I decided to walk back, well partially. I had to find a place that was open where I could charge my phone. So I went the Tims on College and Yonge. Stayed there for a bit and then took the street car to Abby’s place. Decided to get BK cuz i was hungry and then waited for Nat to come back since she went to go and hangout with Jack while I was at the concert. When she got back we talked a bit before we went to bed. I let her sleep on the bed and I took the ground, which wasn’t bad actually.

So we wake up and we originally planned on having brunch with Jack and Bri but Jack was too sick and Bri’s schedule was too busy so we went for lunch with Celene, her man, and Abby. The place we went to was near Koreatown and we ate at this cute restaurant that had the best eggs benedict I’ve every had in my life. I go mine with baby spinach and the home fries was covered in this sauce and like i died! The conversation was good too and it was nice hanging out with friends. It was such a beautiful day too! Like the nicest day of the year so far I think. I mean I didn’t wear a coat and walked around the whole day. after lunch nat and i walked around koreatown, got my favourite fish dessert and just chilled. She had a carpool a 5pm since she was having dinner with her roomies so she went back first. I actually had a date for that afternoon but he cancelled saying he had worked out too hard in the morning and pretty much felt sick. I wasn’t too bummed about it since I still got to hangout with my friends and eat good food. We’ve been having good conversations on facebook and he seemed sad we couldn’t hangout, but its okay things happen for a reason.

When nat left I went for a bbt date with this guy I had been talking too for a week now. He was Korean and was actually pretty nice and sweet. Like physically he was okay but conversation was nice and he spoke english pretty well despite only living in Korea until like 4 months ago. He was super sweet and even walked me to my subway. it was cute date, i’d talk to him again lol

I was supposed to meet up with other friends for dinner but they cancelled last minute because something came up. Another guy I’ve been talking to for a week asked if I was free to grab dinner since he wanted to see me while I was still in town. I said yes of course, and we ended up getting dim sum in Chinatown and it was honestly sooooo good! This guy is filipino and he’s one of the ones I enjoy talking to via text all week so i was excited to meet him. He was actually so much better looking in person and his voice, sounds so nice. Like its deep and he has a filipino accent which I didn’t think i’d like but I totally did. Our conversation was so good and i just felt comfortable with him. after dim sum he offered to subway with me all the way to yonge and sheppard. thats like 30 mins on the subway. My carpool was at 10:30 so we went to the meet up spot and the carpool cancels last minute! At first I was annoyed and furious cuz now I’m stuck here till tmrw morning. But what happened after made up for it. 

We subway back to Abby’s place and then we decided that we wanted to walk around for a bit. guys, we ended up walking 3 km together. We went down beverley st. all the way to queen st. down john st., past front st. and all he way down to the harbourfront. We sat by the water for 30 mins, just talking about life, relationships, school, etc. The spontaneous nature of the whole night was something I honestly have never done before. Probably one of the best first dates I’ve had. we ended up walking up spadina from the rogers centre and made a full circle back to Abby’s place. We walked for 3 hrs almost. When we said our goodbyes he hugged me so tight and I was gonna kiss him on the cheek but i ended up giving him a peck on the lips, and then he hugged me again and then this time he kissed me and then just walked away all shy like. It was so cute and like the best way to end my night.

I went to sleep around 2am I think. Woke up at noon, and went and got starbucks with celene and her man. Then took a go train to bramalea and then a bus to kitchener go, then the 8 bus to asian grocery, then walked to campus and made it for the 5pm meeting. We then set up at 6pm for our event, and then EOT was at 7PM-10PM.

So that was my weekend getaway with myself. Honestly I’m so happy I decided to go away, even though now i’m hella broke, it was so worth it. I mean like I finally know what I want to do and what I’m gonna tell my parents my plan is. This weekend gave me motivation to get my shit together and just go after what I want to do and what I want to pursue. I swear I’m meant to live in Toronto and based of the events of this weekend I feel like in my gut its where I’m supposed to be.

I plan on going back in 2 weeks, after I’ve made some money and you know finished school stuff lol

[grunge-optimistic]

i feel like and i know that this is the only place where i can tell you guys all of my thoughts so uhm right now as i’m typing this it’s 11:58pm, 24/06/19, monday.

i am crying right now... uhm it’s cause i miss my bf . and i’m way too attached to him and i jus love him way too much... and he says he loves me more but, i think right now he now realises that i’m not kidding when i told him that i love him more...

so ever since i was little @least on my birthday- every year or close to my bday i’d be told the story of how i’m a mistake and i hurt my grandma when she was born .:: now the thing is... that i didn’t do that to her obviously - i was being born / but then obviously she gotta tell me like every single year around my bday... and just remind me on how i’m a mistake ... ye.

then another thing, my (used to be) best friend (now jus friend) was in class with me and another friend ... my friend, he was tryna get to know my bf right, so then my friend said “oh i wanna meet him” and then he said “oh you wanna steal him too” and she said “no” in a jokingly way, smiled with teeth heaps, and didn’t look @me whilst smiling or anything ... man i really thought telling her .... wouldn’t be a mistake but i guess... idk she can’t be trusted.

so i told my bf that, he said “i love you, i don’t want her” and he even decided to not talk to her but ... he has :/

and i don’t wanna look jealous .... i don’t wanna be jealous but she’s done this to other guys as well.... and idk i don’t wanna lose him... i can’t.

and then another thing.... cause i’m stupid and vulnerable.... i told him that i’m sad when his gone- and it’s true but... that’s cause i don’t wanna live okay - like i wanna reaaaally kms and all - like anytime i passed out @sunday, i was happy cause i was closer to dying / like i don’t wanna live anymore; it’s tiring okay, i’m tired i really am, i jus wanna overdose ... and i think about overdosing every single day.

see i’d tell him about me wanting to die but, when i said that he got sad and i already make him sad @least once everyday (because we texting // he and i aren’t sad when together tho), so i can’t make him really sad or feel sorry for me even more... it’s honestly degrading when your telling somebody all this and they either feel sorry and don’t do anything or.... they just simply don’t care and it’s like : i eXpEcTeD yOu tO sAy sOmEthiNg... i tHouGht yOu cARed thAt’S wHy i cAMe tO yOu! .... but then you jus type ‘oh okay’ whilst tears rolling down your face- it’s like .... i really thought we were like this from both sides but i guess it’s only from your side like i would care sfm if you were to tell me all of this and i’d make sure you were okay, i’d even stay up with you and make sure i’m asleep knowing that your okay, and i want someone to be like that for me-/ i need that for me, i truely feel like i don’t got anybody and man, that feels like the loneliest place in the world.... the entire of last week at school man, i was seriously tryna keep a smile, it worked everytime i’d talk but i didn’t wanna talk @all,

it’s funny cause my friend asked me & told me “your happy all the time, i’ve never seen you not smiling, see even now, when there’s sharpie all over your hands ... your still smiling even when you may be mad.... how?” and then she asked “are you always happy?” and i said “yeah” ... man when i said that, i didn’t know it’d take so much effort to just say a simple ‘yes’, i felt like if i said something else other than yes, i would’ve been ready to break down, right there and then, i already was breaking down in my mind so i’d jus be doing whatever was going on in my head...

anyways, see uhm, whenever my bf is sad, i stay up, or i keep talking to him, i make sure that his alright at least, or feeling better.... but then when he asks me what i’m feeling ... i’ve realised that he don’t want the dark thoughts i get constantly every single day, he wants the light, thoughts - that his dealt with or something ..., but the truth is that none of my thoughts are like that, if they were they’d be easily solvable and i would be happy... but it’s not.... and you know i think in my head ‘what if i don’t tell him what’s going on, i jus act like everything’s fine, jus not tell him what’s going on, how i’m feeling, cause he wouldn’t be able to tell by text’ but then, when i msg him, i get vulnerable, especially when i’m sad or wanna kms, so it shows through, cause usually i text more than two-ish words by text (depending on the context) but i keep the convo going ya know.... so uhm, when i’m sad i somehow jus end up typing ‘ye’ and then nothing else.... and with annnybody else .... i could be crying my eyes out but i’ll give a response as if nothing’s wrong and i’m jus the good ol’ me.. and i wanna do that for him but sh*t, i get vulnerable and it’s soOo fucking stupid..,. like why even ... i just want a good fucking relationship and my mind is like : be honest about this even tho he’ll probably want distance after this thing (whatever it is) but still say it, like cause whY tHe fUcK nOt?! ....

and you know how stupid it is when i really wanna kms and overdose every single day, no joke... i really do want to, and it’s like ‘well... i want to be happy.... can somebody help me?’ but then i remember that whenever somebody asks you if your fine, they don’t want the whole story or sappy story, they just want you to say ‘yeah, i’m fine’ then they’ll move on with the convo or there day... whilst your there, breaking ... and it’s sad but i can’t tell any of this to him, well i have, and ..., rn his at the snow, no wifi, only data so he turns it off when he don’t need it and on when he does, so..., when i told him about the me not being happy without him and all, and explained it .... hE fuCkiNg tUrNEd hiS dAtA ofF!!! like how fucking .... jus why, and he knows that i’m sad and all, i thought he cared man, i really did, like to the point where i care for him; which is ‘no matter what’ but fUcKiNg hELL tHiS fuCKiNg hUrT(s) like wHy ... and he knows how i don’t got people that care for me, he knows my friends and families don’t care, man if they cared, they wouldn’t be like this... i wouldn’t be like this. fUck, this hurts. so fucking much.

see i want him to be happy, so i refrain from telling him anything... but eventually like the friend stealing bf thing, that happened @thursday but instead i told him @monday cause i didn’t want to make him sad or something .,, but it was on my mind.,,, and fuck, man i thought i could tell him anything, like i can but i know i’d be expecting something salty or jus blunt or ... an idc response .,, like whY ... i tOLd yOu thiS cAuSe i thOugHt yOu’D cArE, i nEeD yOu, aLOtT, fUcK my tHouGhtS aRe fUcKinG kiLLiNg mE- and you know what’s worse.,.. is that i’m there for anyone, even my bf, well, especially for my bf.,,, and, nobody seems to wanna be there for me, they ask, but they don’t wanna know, they just want a generic response .... and when i ask, i really wanna know, can somebody please .... caRE? i need someone .... i really do. fuck, it actually hurts, living i just need to sleep forever or something i can’t .,,,

he told me that i can’t rely on him for being happy and then when i ain’t with him i’m sad, and it’s like dOnT yOu thiNk i fUcKiNg kNoW tHat aLreaDy, for weeks / always i’ve been telling him i’m clingy, just recently i said “i think i’m too attached to you” and i said that irl, but when i did, i felt like.... i could’ve broken down right there and then, i just was trying to hold it in, and i had a voice crack when i said it to him.... but i kept it all in, he said i wasn’t ... i couldn’t say much about it or else i would’ve actually broken down... for real/ like i was about to.... so i lied and tried to make the convo go & said “okay”.... to whatever he said- but man, the reason i rely on him for happiness is cause i don’t wanna fucking live okay, i got nothing to live for and that’s sad i know okay, but school is now fucked up, my friends - i don’t trust, and home well- i feel like i always got to watch my back or else i’d die or something... i should actually do that, then i can die .... but see ... i don’t even make myself happy okay, i disappoint myself, when i look in the mirror... so i don’t fucking wanna live for myself. but i’m scared of dying and i’m tired of living .... j just wanna end it, all of it, but then there’s him and then i wanna be a person that saves lives in the future like if i died rn, who’d save those people? they may die— ...

so every single night i’ve either cried or rarely but happy (very rare), but most nights i’ve cried.

i just... want someone to be there for me, like i’d be there for them... but i don’t got anyone like that.,, not even my own boyfriend/bestfriend.

i wish i could tell him all this at once, tell him what i’m thinking ... tell him why the fuck i’m always sad or why i rely on him for happiness but man, i have kinda told him why, and he judged me for it in a bad or salty way.... if i tell him the whole thing well, uh- jus nah.,,,

also after he turned his (fucking) data off, i said if he wanted distance or not to talk or whatever for a while then ye, cause i’m clingy and way too attached...

well there it is, it’s 12:42am, 25/06/19, tuesday, and i am kind of all talked out, this was very theriputic and thanks tumblr for letting me for ranting and having the only place to say everything for what i’m truly thinking- word for word....

— good bye, 25/06/2019, tuesday 12:45am.

[dangerouscrusadefire-blog]

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"What should my first car be?

What should my first car be?

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What if im 18 and want to pay for my own auto insurance?

I'm thinking about moving out of my house cause it sucks. I'd have to buy my own car and I'm thinking an older civic, cause they're reliable. Anyone got any ideas on what a good but cheap way to insure would be?""

Tips for cheaper car insurance?

I'm 19 next month and just passed my test in October and now also got a pass plus certificate but insurance is still sky high like 4000 a year Just for a 1.2 Vauxhall Corsa sxi.

Wwhat are the characteristics of disability insurance ?

Wwhat are the characteristics of disability insurance ?

How can I get the other driver's insurance co. to pay the full cost of rental car?

I was hit from behind and the other driver's insurance company has accepted liability but, they only want to reimburse me about $27/day for a rental car when I'll have to pay around $50/day. They are also dictating to me some terms about the duration of the rental car period based on the number of shop hours estimated for repair. I am wondering if there is some leverage I can use to make them pay 100% of the rental car cost for a reasonable car and duration.""

How much does insurance range to for motorcycles?

How much does insurance range to for motorcycles?

The world of car insurance?

the idea that dropping the price of car insurance for men a small amount and increasing the female amount a huge hike has nothing to do with gender that's the con it's the absolute greed of government and big business hand in hand raking in a fortune as they did when changing the  s p to the criminal decimal currency? the question is why do we Joe public put up with this crap

How much do you pay a month in auto insurance?

ok i am 23 years old..i live in the city. i was interested in getting a dodge charger r/t.. hemi included..anyhow, i called to get an insurance quote and they told me that i'd have to put 1000 down and pay 800 a month in auto insurance alone. i think that is so crazy. but if i move 20 minutes away i'd pay 550. i am so frustrated because i know that my age is working against me. my brother is financing a 2000 bonneville ssei and he is only paying 340 a month and he is 21. do you think the year and model of the car is what made the quote so high? what kinda car do you have and what is your monthly ins cost?""

How much is auto insurance for a 16 year old male?

its in michigan if that helps and i have a perfect record and a straight a student.

My dad says a 2 door car would be more on the insurance. Is this true? PLEASE ANSWER!!?

We went out looking for cars today and every 2 door car we saw he just kept walking by them. I dont know about him but Im a 2 door kind of guy. He said 2 door cars would be more Insurance. Is that true? I wanted to get this 2 door Cougar or maybe a 2000 or 2001 or 20003 Monte Carlo. WOuld that type of car add more to the Insurance? I really want the monte carlo. Im gonna be putting about $1400 down & the car cost no more than $5000.

Is my car insurance still valid?

My partner has been banned from driving, he is the first named driver on my car insurance and I am the second driver. Am I still insured to drive my car?""

WHere casn i get cheap insurance in toronto canada?

Hi guys i need help, where can iu get real cheap insurance for my car thanks""

Short term car insurance quotes?

Hi, are there any car insurance companies that can offer car insurance for a short term (6weeks) for young drivers? Im 19 and had my license since april now, but not been able to get my own car as im going to uni in september and cant afford to buy and insure one for a year. My boyfriend has just got a new car and is offering his old car to me for the weeks before uni to get to work etc so im after insurance for 6 weeks only but all the ones i have looked at wont insure a young driver. I wanted to go with Diamond insurance as they are cheapest for me but not sure if they will offer me short term cover. Help!""

How to get proof of financial responsibility?

I'm 21 a year old university student from California and I am graduating soon. I have always put off getting a license before college and once it started, I have been busy but because I want to get a job after graduating I really need my license pronto! My parents back home already taught me how to drive but I'm signing up for a driving school in my area just to practice and get the local roads down. I made an appointment for behind the wheel test next week and one of the things I need to bring is proof of financial responsibility. I know it's not insurance because I need a license to get that so how do I get it? I'm also probably going to borrow my friend's car for the test.""

How do i mail in insurance card for a ticket i received?

How do i mail in insurance card for a ticket i received?

I want to take a trip to europe how much do motorcycles cost there and how much is insurance?

Im thinking of going to the EU, as kind of like a backpacking trip, but on a motorcycle! I was wondering how things work in regards to prices of Bikes there, and insurance that covers anywhere I might plan to go! I need some help making this idea a reality! Oh I'm 18 and i have both my drivers licence and motorcycles licence, I reside in BC, Canada. Thanks!""

Do you think abortions should be payed by Medicaid or insurance?

Do you think abortions should be payed by Medicaid or insurance?

Good place to buy car insurance for an 18 year old?

I'm 18 and just recently passed my driving test. Problem is, my Dad wants to put me down as a second driver on his car but it's a BMW sport with a 2L engine. The cheapest quote I could find is 4,500 annually, which my Dad is not prepared to pay of course. Some companies were even asking for 40,000 which is just a joke! I have been driving this car for over a year and now that I finally have my license, I'm pretty annoyed that I'm not able to drive the car that's just sitting outside. Anyone know any other routes I could take? Weekly car insurance? Monthly? Ideally I'd like to have a quotes of less than 1600 annually, but now it seems unlikely. Buying another car is not an option as I'm going to Uni in a couple of months and will not be needing it anymore. Any suggestions would be helpful, thanks.""

Auto Insurance on a 16 year old Living in GA?

Can I Use My Dad Or My Mom Insurance to be cheaper it a 4 door

What should my first car be?

What should my first car be?

How much does insurance for a motorcycle cost?

I currently don't own a motorcycle but am curious the cost of insuring it. I live in Vermont so I would only be riding it from June to September. I would probably be riding a 2002 Yamaha YZF R6.

Question about insurance (car insurance).?

If im a new teen guy driver, would buying an old range rover (2000) cost a lot for insurance?""

Who is the best and most affordable company to go through for homeowners insurance ?

Who is the best and most affordable company to go through for homeowners insurance ?

Is there dental insurance with the Affordable Health Care Act?

Is there dental insurance with the Affordable Health Care Act?

How much can home insurance cost?

i want to buy a home and i need to know how much my insurance might be.

""Can auto insurance drop you for changing deductible, then filing a claim?""

I have a $1000 deductible, but want to file a claim to get my car fixed from an incident a while ago (like years ago) because I want to sell it for tuition money. No other vehicles, ...show more""

Will my insurance go up for my speeding ticket?

I just recently got a speeding ticket or doing 46 in a 30. (which wasn't possible) I'm only 16 and it is my first ticket. My parents will kill me when they find out. We have stated arm insurance and only liability on the car but will the insurance go up and/or cause my parents to fin out?

How much will insurance cost for a 16 year old?

im 16 years old and i wanna get a 1965 mustang and im wondering how much insurance would cost even if under my parent's plan

""I am interested in purchasing life insurance, but lack general knowledge of the industry?""

What kind of life insurance would be best suited for a 26 year old in good health who is the sole income in the family? Keep in mind that I support a stay at home husband, and have 3 children. No assests and no debt. Thanks.""

Question about car insurance?

I'm wondering something about car insurance. I am a 17 year old male, (turning 18 in 1 month) and have been driving a 2001 Hyundai accent since October. I am insured with esurance, and have liability only. I have a clean driving record. My monthly insurance is $197. I am on my parents policy. When I first called to get a quote, (cheapest company for me) it was around 120 a month, but then they got the VIN number and of course it went up because it knew exactly what car it was. Of course car insurance is very expensive for a male my age. My question is that I'm trying to save money to buy a jeep wrangler this summer. Will probably be a year 1997-2003. I want to know about how much it would cost to insure the jeep. I hear mixed responses about the cost to insure a wrangler, iv heard it's expensive because of the high theft rate and roll over chances. I know of course I don't know how much it will be exactly, considering I don't have a VIN number for the jeep wrangler. I get extremely expensive quotes when I search online, and the are all completely off. My parents policy has probably 4 or 5 cars on it and I am excluded off everyone's car. My sister has been in 2 wrecks and 2 speeding tickets, which I heard makes my insurance increase also. Anyone who has a general idea about cost for me to insure a jeep wrangler, thank you.""

Can a lender file a claim against your insurance company after repossession?

My car was repossessed on 9/11. I attempted to get my car back..but Wells Fargo played games..such as saying the car is on its way to the auction...no, its still there and we can't place a hold on it..it leaves for the auction in a couple of days. So, I went and got me another car. Now, today..I find out that they are filing a claim for the very day that they took the car. The claim was filed at 1:06 today. However, the car was not insured on that very date. Also, I had to sign some papers to reinstate the policy to the effect that no claims would be filed because NO accident occurred. Will the lender be able to file against my insurance policy under these circumstances?""

Cyclist and insurance?

I am having a debate with a few people about cyclist with insurance, One thing I would like to know, If I hit a cyclist and damage his bike, Would my insurance cover the cost of a new bike? or injury? This is for the UK""

Car and insurance problem.?

If I was in the process of getting a driving lesson from my instructor, I crashed his car. Am I suppose to be in charge of this, but I don't have a license yet. So, am I going to be the one who pays for the insurance or the instructor?""

How much would insurance be for me?

I am 19 years old and gonna buy a used car soon. My parents have never drove or owned a vehicle in their life. I live in San Francisco. I know the insurance gonna be expensive for me.. Is there a way to get cheaper insurance?

How can we get health insurance?

My Fiance (22) and I (18) are planning to get married November 30th, but if we do, I will no longer be covered by my mother's health insurance. We live in NY (currently Broome County) and we need cheap to free health insurance. At the moment, both of us (full-time students) have an income of zero, with no pay stubs (obviously) or other proofs of income. How can we get health coverage?""

Best overall car insurance company?

In your opinion (or based on any experiences) what is the best kind of car insurance?

What would insurance on a 2001 Mustang GT be in Michigan?

I'm deciding between a Mustang GT and any V8 Ford pickup. The mpg on the Mustang will be probably at least 5 miles per gallon better than the pickup, but I'm sure insurance will be more. I want to know which one would be cheaper to own in the long run. I plan on driving about 40 miles per day for work and this would be my first car. I am in highschool so the insurance will be even higher than if it were for an adult.""

Insurance higher on Acura or Honda?

Purchasing a car either 2010 Acura csx or 2013 Honda civic , and I'm curious if the insurance would be higher on one or the other? Any opinions would be awesome. Thanks in advance!""

30 day insurance policy for newborns?

I am a teen mom and since the baby can't be covered under my parents insurance we are planning to do a legal guardianship, however you cannot get guardianship of an unborn child so we are doing it after he is born. But I was wondering if right after he is born if the hospital bills will be under my parents insurance because I have heard there is a 30 day period in which you need to get the baby's insurance arranged. So during the 30 days would the baby's hospital stay and everything be covered while we get the insurance arranged? Thank you!""

Not declared 3 points on my license to insurance company is my insurance void?

9months after taking out my insurance I got done for speeding (sp30) 3 points on my license and I forgot to tell my insurance company. Today someone pulled out in front of me and hit my car, will not declaring my points cause me an issue with the claim? It wasn't my fault and my insurance company is looking to recover all costs from the third party. What do you think? Bit worried as insurance is arranging repairs, car hire etc and concerned about being stuck with a big billl if there is a problem with my insurance. Any advice greatly appreciated""

How much would a $500K life insurance policy cost?

I am a healthy 32 year old female.

Need a group for medical insurance?

Employer offers very skimpy medical insurance. Individual (i.e., non-group) insurance is very expensive. I have heard that groups have been formed so that members will qualify for group rates. Please tell which groups these are, and what you know about them. Many thanks.""

How to get auto insurance quote/ estimate without a car?

I am doing a research, and heard that ur insurance can be based on not just the model but the color of the car. I want to know how to get an estimate based on vehicle, model. So that I can make a diligent choice when purchasing my new car.""

How much would I be paying in insurance if I become a CRNA?

How much would I be paying in insurance if I become a CRNA?

Staying on parents health insurance in NJ?

As the title states, I am wondering if I am eligible to stay on my parent's health insurance (we live in New Jersey and my dad gets the family insurance through his job in Delaware). I am 23 years old, not in school, and my job offers health insurance. I have read that the law allows children under the age of 27 to remain on their parent's health insurance UNLESS the kid's job offers health insurance. As I stated, mine does offer it. HOWEVER, an older coworker of mine told me that her children were able to stay on the family health insurance until age 27 even though the kids' work offered insurance because the cost of the insurance at the child's job was over $25 per week. The cheapest policy at my job will cost me just over $30 per week. Unfortunately, I have not found any trace of this $25 rule anywhere online. Is this a true policy? If insurance isn't offered cheaply enough, can I stay on my parent's policy? Can anyone shed some light on this?""

What should my first car be?

What should my first car be?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/affordable-insurance-conroe-tx-katelyn-bolton/"

[navidabs-blog]

Why the hec did I agree in running a half-marathon for my first official run.

I feel like, I cannot achieve anything. I feel so sad and overwhelmed at the same time, many people are supporting me.  Not only in my studies but also trying to run a freakin half-marathon. I never ran like this in my whole life. I never did even love it ever since. But maybe I just want to prove something to myself. That maybe I can defy the odds. It was really rough for me these pasts months. I am trying to cope and hold on to something I don't even know why. But then I realized, I will be doing this for me.

I wasn't planning to run a half-marathon I just wanted to run with my mom and I just like the event so much. It is under the production Color Manila that throws colored powder/paint on you while you run and after you run when you had reached the finish line you will be havin a rave party afterwards. 

I was so excited about that but my mom told me let us join the half- marathon, my expression was “LIKE WHAT?!”. Let’s just join the lowest category, but she insisted that we should do the half-marathon only because the freebies that comes with it are cool! (haha I know my mom sometimes can give out so cute excuses!) So I just agreed with her.

Back story of my mom, she was a athlete in track in field during her high school and college days. And was qualified (very qualified) in being part of the Philippine Team in Track and field. And oh yeah, at her time she was the 3rd fastest person in the Philippines (women category)  

While me, I just played tennis when I was young and never really liked running, she once encouraged me into running but yeah I bailed out of that one. 

I do some athletic stuff, I think. I surf and skate board before. But yea no running involved and I just do those things for fun not seriously.

So me, a musical theater student, never did liked running will run a marathon all of a sudden will run a half-marathon.

The first day I started my first day of my “SO CALLED TRAINING”

*Aug. 8, 2017*

As you can see I my stats are not that great. In my mind (Why the hell am I doing this?) 10 mins/km?! And only 2km I am already tired and my calf’s, feet, knees are hurting? Why did I get myself into? 

*Aug. 15, 2017*

As you can see the interval since my first run was at least 5 days, tho it is because my Uncle and his family from Canada came here in the Philippines. I was somewhat busy being with them and was busy because my boyfriends bday was on the 11th

*Aug 24, 2017*

I had a VERY VERY VERY LOOOOOONNNNGGGGG interval since the last time I ran, and I knew by that time, time was running out and I needed to step- up my game. So I pushed myself for the first time and hey! I did a 3km run in 29 mins well I know that was low but still I knew I was improving but as you can see my pacing is starting to decrease slowly but hey I was happy that I ran a 3km run, I have never imagined that I will come to that point. And at this very moment I gained a little confidence.

*Aug. 25, 2017*

I really gain too much confidence cause the ff. day I asked my aunt to join me running, and yeap! I still got my 3km run in 28 mins! like wow! this is one of the fastest run I have ever done! And I was proud of it. Then I realized that it is fun and much encouraging to run when you have someone to run with. I thank my aunt in this moment.

*Aug 27,2017*

This run was somewhat a test run for me for the half-marathon. Because me and my mom joined an event but it was only 3km and yeah. I was so happy with the results I have gotten! As you can see I finished about 25mins in the 3km run! At that time I was so happy that I have gotten my first medal and the results that I have shown was far beyond my expectations. I was just planning to walk (KIDDING!) but that day I was happy at the same time, tired, exhausted and sleepy but very overwhelming.

(a picture of me and my mom after the race)

*Aug. 28, 2017*

The ff. day after the race, I went to UP to run and my main goal was a 4km or a 5km run and I did not disappoint myself and I actually reached my goal for that day. So cheers to me right?! This was the time that I think I enjoyed running. May it is the thought of improving and gaining something in return and it impresses me that it kind of relieved my anxiety.

*Aug. 30, 2017*

I forgot why I did not run for the past few days but I knew I was determined to beat my 4km run. So I tried a diff. route on this day just to succeed in my 5km run and as you can see their were a lot of improvement. And I was so happy that I have achieved this result, I was so determined even tho I was just running by myself I still am very thankful that I achieved this!

*Sept. 9,2017*

It has been a while since I ran again as you can see. Well in those 2 days that I did not run I was in City of Dreams and I was one of the last days I will see my uncle and his family before going back to Canada. The day after they left I was feeling exhausted, tired and just not feeling well. This was the start where my training began to be shady. This day I was not feeling that well but I know I can still run. I did run that day and was determined to beat my 5km run. And I did beat that 5km run with some impressive results! I was overwhelmed again but after this day my body is not functioning well as I thought it would be I got a fever and next thing you know I was resting for 3 days cause my body was sore not because of the muscle cramps but because of the flu.

*Sept. 9,2017*

3 days after the flu, I ran with my boyfriends cousin and we just did a 5km run cause it has been a while since he ran. He cached up with me pretty quickly and was not a burden, that was a good thing cause I know I need to level up my game. We got some impressive results by the end of our run we sprinted it out. Oh and by the was I was wearing new shoes that time. I know, I know that was a bad idea but what do I know right. I know nothing about running. When we reached home, my legs were painful and I knew and felt that something was quite wrong.

The ff. day I got VERY BAD RESULTS. I wore my new shoes again and my Achilles in my left foot starting to hurt a lot. I tried to endured it but it was really not working out. So I knew I had to stop. As you can see I only did 2km that day. I was so sad, that I just ate at a nearby resto. I was just trying to laugh it off. I thought that time that it was just because of the shoes. It was not that properly braked - in or what. But I never lost hope yet.  

*Sept. 8, 2017*

I know, I know by this time while you are reading this you are probably pissed at me. I myself do not even know why I still ran the ff. day after experiencing that crucial pain. I thought that maybe it was because I used the new shoes. So this day I used up my old shoes and ran with it. Well sadly and stupidly I was wrong with my theory, and it just got worse.

*Sept. 14, 2017*

I know I haven't been running for a while I knew I had to rest up my ankles. And I have to make my training done step by step. So this day I just ran 3km just not to startle my legs and ankles and I used some muscle tape on my left ankle for support and yeap I can still run like before but now while I was recovering, I researched and now I intensify my warm up and cool down and after I run I always put some cold compress on my ankles and calf's. Yes, people I learned my lesson the hard way. 

2 days after my first run, after recovering I ran 7km with my cousin. It was a good thing that she was there to help me and give me tips in running. I trust her cause she already did a half-marathon and it was an amazing day. I did learned a lot from the stretching, while running and so much more. We had fun and gained me more confidence and strategy and the support from her was astonishing and inspiring. 

(this is me and my cousin goofing out while the weather was very temperamental)

Oh yeah after that long run we feasted with some scrumptious food!  

*Sept. 19, 2017*

I knew I should at least try to defeat my record when I was with ate Karina. I applied all the teachings she told me and tried a 10 km run! And well, well, well, I did it! it was so tiring the but still I never thought I can do it with that time. The first 5 km was hard but when the 6th and so on came I became more relaxed as if my body was on auto pilot.

*Sept. 21, 2017* 

This was my last run before the half-marathon and I was contemplating on how many km will I run this day, if I should run a 10 km or a 5 km. I asked around and my friends told me that I should do some light training and so I did. This day I just took my time into running and just enjoyed it, since this is my last run I just have to just chill and condition my body. I don’t need to strain myself that much. I know for a fact I need to conserve my energy for the longest run that I will ever do.

*Sept. 24, 2017*

THE DAY OF THE MARATHON

[soo-sex]

190311 Soohyun Fancafe Chat (Part 6)

[English translation by junhaera_]

Soohyun: Junnie is so cool - on his japan solo - he grew up a lot since Dont Flirt Jun: ha..... SH: kkkkk KM: he's originally big (she talking about his height hahaha) SH: during Dont Flirt, he copies/follows me - i'll show it to you later on Jun: ha kkkkk SH: i saw Jun yesterday

KM: if oppa teases Junyoungie with Don't Flirt, can he tease you with I Like You? kk  Jun: kkkk  Soohyun : ya what the  Jun: ha  KM: I Like You  Jun: .............  SH: why are you talking about it *keyboard smash*  KM: Not Young  SH: *keyboard smash again*

KM: have you seen Not Young MV?  Jun: do you wanna try I Like You hair one more time?!?!?!  Soohyun: Junnie, lie down  Jun: kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk  KM: im out of battery, i have to go  SH: ttinttu bye  - do well on you work

Soohyun: me too  - i have to go now  KM: lies  SH: im sleepy  Jun: kkkkkk  SH: our bedtime is at 10PM  Jun: our hyung is sleepy  - ……  - hyung, u should go to bed soon  SH: kkkkk  Jun: hihihi  SH: Jun-ah, u have practice tmr so  - go to sleep soon  KM: let's stay up  Jun: it's bad for health

Jun: haha  - yes hyung haha  SH: my attention will be to Kissmes alone  - because of you, my love is dispersed  Jun: alright, everyone bye~  - our hyung I love you haha  SH: Junnie bye~  KM: he'll go play battleground & threw us away  SH: he's not  KM: play BG well  SH: dont play BG Junnie

Soohyun: he have to practice tmr so he have to go  - okay, Kissmes say goodbye  - kkkkkkk  KM: Bye Jun  SH: Junnie oppa bye  - I Love you  - Junnie oppa, give me a kiss  - ah my eyes are hurting kkkkk  - my eyes are getting blurry kkkkk

KM: for the last time, once again a happy bday!! i love u  SH: thank u Manami  Jun: our hyung kiss -kiss_  *Jun left the chat room*  SH: anyway  - these days  - i've been sending gifts through Kakaotalk  KM: cake?  SH: something like that  - the world has improved  KM: u didnt know??

KM: oppa is like a grandpa  - actually  - there is a kid who calls me Grandpa in the camp  - kkkkk  KM: no, what  - grandpa  SH: on my IG  - i uploaded a pic with the guys  - one of them  KM: at the snack bar?  - u're not a grandpa ㅠㅠ  - i mean why you making our oppa a grandpa  - o! ppa!

guess who among these kids is calling Soohyun a grandpa

KM: not a grandpa, aint it more like an uncle  SH: not an uncle too  - it's hyung  KM: forever oppaㅠㅠㅠ  SH: since Jun left  - i knew that 10 ppl will leave  - they're so mean  KM: you didn't list them down, do you?  SH: im quite pissed to such  KM: scary  SH: I wrote it down

SH: later on, i will scold them  KM: you have us kkk i guess where not enough  SH: with my lips^^  - hihi  - ill never do it  - really  - i cant do that  - the idol's language  - it's been a while

KM: no oppa, do whatever you want to do  SH: i tried  - but the response was not good  KM: ah  SH: I'm not an idol  KM: you were an idol, come on  SH: im not playing with you  - i'm not an idol  - i'm an artist  KM: do whatever you want ㅠㅠ sorry..

Soo: ah right  - KissMe  - what do idols do these days  - what was that  KM: working  - singing  - promoting in KR?  SH: the heart by hands  - the circle one then  - when u open ur mouth  - heart forms  KM: biting heart (kkaemul heart)  SH: wow an innovation  - i have to try it too  - later on

KM: oh.. there's such thing? kkk  - ill buy you rabbit hat too  - you know rabbit hat right?  SH: rabbit hat  - that one with flopping ears  GF: i sent u a gift, where u able to receive it?  SH: oh i got it~ but i haven't seen (what it is)  - thank u ㅠㅠ you dont have to send me gifts

SH: send letters from time to time  GF: please let us know how many people there are on the camp  SH: us?  GF: yup  HY: we dont know it  SH: probably 60 people in all  GF: ??? really ???

SH: on our troop only  HY: how many of you in the barracks (she used the term 내무반 naemuban)  SH: naemuban kkkkkk  - it's been a long time ago since it's called naemuban  - it's called saenghwalgwan (barracks room was changed from 내무반 to 생활관)

SH: 10 ppl per barracks room  - each one has its own bed  - no, im close to all troop personnels  KM: what is ssajibang  SH: ssajibang is  - cyber knowledge info room  - no dont send gifts  - u dont have to send gifts  - letters, just letters  GF:anyway, hope u use it well the one i sent

KM: me too, i have to go as i have work tmr  SH: what is this  - now, if 5 ppl leaves  - i'll go too  - im sleepy ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ  KM: i wont go then  - no, you cant leave  SH: kkkkkk  KM: it's only been an hour since i got in here, no it cant be ㅜㅜ