#someone write that story ok
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when the crack ship starts getting so serious you start making a comic for it
#it’s sharkface / mark temple. i just think they have lots of parallels. mainly the fact that they hate freelancers#ok but the story behind this is that i came up with a short comic about a scene between them 3 years ago.#and then i suddenly found it again and had absolutely no recollection of writing it or drawing the thumbnails.#so i posted it like haha guys look at this. and then someone was like i would pay you money to make this.#so i said bet#now here we are
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So I keep thinking about Tissaia with epilepsy. Like she's had it since she was a child, but when she came to Aretuza she was able to slowly get a grasp on it through potions and other magical care, to the point that by her accension, she rarely ever had episodes.
But I think it also fed into her obsession with control. There's nothing quite like a seizure to make a person feel out of control, and she hates the way they make her feel... vulnerable, exposed. If she can just recognize and catalog every symptom and trigger, can figure out the exact amount of water she must drink and the exact amount of wine she's allowed to indulge in and the exact amount of time she has to take her potions once the migraines and auras start, well, she can keep them under control - keep herself under control.
By the time Yennefer enters her life, she hasn't had an episode in well over a century. (And hasn't been witnessed by anyone during, in much, much longer). She can almost pretend she doesn't have them, but that doesn't stop the fact that she sees herself in Yennefer from the very first moment she saw her crooked spine and twisted jaw. And she can't tell which urge is stronger, to shy away from her or hold her closer.
All of this to say, I keep thinking about:
A) a post-sodden where the dimeritium in Tissaia's blood and the illness it leaves her with, leaves her struggling with the delicate grasp she has on her control. I think it adds an extra layer to how she interacts with Yennefer. The desperate yearning paired with the pained distance. The anxious need to feel strong for a powerless Yennefer, despite feeling so weak and out of sorts herself. Especially when Yennefer has always been the one to challenge her careful balance in more ways than one.
And B) a post-alzur's thunder where channeling that much electric current has more of an effect than just whitening Tissaia's hair. Electrical injury has been known to cause neurological symptoms, including potentially triggering seizures, and Tissaia channeled enough current to have been vaporized. She should have been. And maybe her control is what saved her, but not without consequences. I feel like she would have been hiding it for days. The faint trembling and unfocused eyes, the other mages can attribute to exhaustion, both magical and otherwise. But Tissaia knows. She knows what's coming, and what's worse, none of her usual preventatives are working.
I think she has a couple minor episodes before anyone else notices. She's always able to retreat to privacy before anything happens. Though there always seems to be a pair of watchful violet eyes staring after her.
Until one day, she just drops. The other mages, of course, panic because they've never seen Tissaia like this, but all Tissaia registers is Yennefer. Yennefer's warm hand gently turning her to her side. Yennefer's voice as it alternates between low soothing tones and commands to the other mages. Yennefer who sits with Tissaia and becomes her balance and control, when all she feels is chaos.
#yennaia#yennefer x tissaia#tissaia de vries#yennefer of vengerberg#idk i just think theres a nice balance to yennefer becoming Tissaia's balance when she loses control just like tissaia usually is for her#and like i feel like yennefer has experience with handling seizures#maybe not grand mal like tissaia usually experiences#but i feel like ciri would experience pretty regular catatonic seizures and yennefer always sits with her through them#idk i have lots of thoughts and feelings and am contemplating writing a story about this#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#someone on my team at work has had a couple of seizures during work hours recently and ive been the emergency response point person#and it's been big scary#so it's been ok my mind a lot i think
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3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ
link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀
#doctor who#tenth doctor#martha jones#david tennant#freema agyeman#(good god. without even meaning to I went into 'psycho stream of consciousness tagging' mode. whoops)#always thinking of that one post#where OP mentions how the writing tries to make it seem like Ten looked right through Martha/etc#which is a good concept for demonstrating his grief. but also isnt what we really see throughout S3#(not saying he wasn't a grieving MESS because he was. but he's a multi-faceted character and he can grieve AND value Martha simultaneously)#but we see such fierce protective instinct+trust; a bond between them that obviously isn't some one-sided affair#+ his clear intent to impress her/be admired and respected by her (apropos the post that inspired this sentiment)#but RTD obviously isn't the most infallible of writers#*cough* [list of reasons I cut down b/c long] *cough*#He can make Martha say “he's not seeing me/he doesn't look at me” but then you just watch with your eyes and you get a different story#It's like the opposite of when Moffat tries to make you believe someone is super important through bold claims without showing his work#instead RTD tries to make you believe Ten is functionally blind to Martha's existence while showing numerous examples of the contrary#then bring in the novels+myspace blog+cartoon that he all signed off on. Which tie together to create a canon backdrop#basically I said all of that to say this—#it's the whole reason I had to make this blog to get this sort of stuff off my chest (even if it's just for me sometimes)—#Ten not only SAW Martha—he trusted+respected+enjoyed+adored her. And it's a good thing#it doesn't cheapen his grief. I feel like people must think it does which is why I constantly see bad unnecessary takes about them#it just means that Martha was SO important to him and it's ok. they had a killer friendship outside the unrequited minutiae and it's ok#there's even a comic where 'someone' makes him believe she's Martha and he makes her change her appearance because “it's still too raw”#Just saying you don't say that sort of thing about someone whose existence you're all blasé about#Martha already gets fucked by the narrative in enough ways without people totally missing her significance in the Doctor's life#you don't have to ship them to appreciate them on a deeper level#anyway. fuck. if you actually read all of these then I'm so sorry#creating this blog has taught me that there are only like two people who feel the same way about tenmartha matters and it’s fine 😂#but if I didn’t give myself an outlet it would probably form a tumor SO there we are then
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anyway I feel better now because I realised that exploring the same themes and character dynamics as what has already been done before is actually okay because it's just a different flavour of the same thing and even though I can't write it like others do nobody can also write it like I would so.
#ambie.txt#I just wanna write about shit someone else has already written about but tell my own story with my own approach to it#and apparently that's ok!!!#so maybe literature isn't dead
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Can we talk about how fcked up Charles can be sometimes? Can we talk about how Charles can sometimes be actually scary as a person? Like he can legit be nefarious sometimes, but those moments are not as talked about as Erik's warcrimes (aside from the holocaust visions from TAS)
girlfriend i promise we're all very aware about how wack charles xavier can be and i assure you his nefarious moments are talked plenty from what i run into. like outside of this inbox most times you breathe charles' name to someone they'll be prepared to start swinging
#snap chats#its kinda funny tho. like out of all the charas ive fave'd over the years its funny how charles incites the most violence#and i get it i aint sayin it unfounded !!! just funny alright i stand with my problematic wife and all his wrongdoings. sometimes.#six decades of writers and writing decisions will lead to a lot of Girl What decisions#like marvel ruins. where charles is president. sorry girls im bringing it up if we wanna talk bout Fucked Up Charles#i mean those issues arent really. good. not just cause its grotesquely dark I Can Enjoy Dark And Gruesome Themes#the art's also hauntingly beautiful to look at its sad it's attached to such a nothing series. theres no real story ..#like i doint MIND dark or morally-dubious charles im a fan of it even when its done right or interesting#but thats where marvel ruins fumbles It Doesnt Do Anything Interesting with a morally corrupt charles#it just goes 'yeah hes fucked up and does terrible things now' like ok and .......... wheres the rest of the sauce ...#a less Gruesomely Fucked decision comparatively charles did was plant a virus on david because he didnt trust him Not to fuck things up#he regrets it like five seconds later after he realized How Fucked Up That Was but still ... charles ... im going to chokeslam you...#back to the main topic tho. its very funny because charles be catching strays on xmen twitter too#and i mean The Sincerest Of Strays tho i guess if you try Any xmen topic can go back to charles#but the post'll be bout an entirely different bloke or lass and theyll be wishing ill will on cue ball like girl he aint even HERE#anyway. yeah charles' imperfections is what makes him really interesting. to me. thank you#now for my next post to be an awkward juxtaposition to this one unless someone ones to throw in an ask last minute#and i mean very last minute i think i have all the tags typed up ont he other one vjeLKEJA
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huge props to marinette for spinning up that lie so fast and on the spot, too. I thought I was good but damn. of course she must have had a general idea of what she was going to say to adrien beforehand going off of gabriel's "make me look good" and her own love telling her that the truth would hurt adrien even more, but that's just a very vague idea. she could not have possibly spun up that entire story of a lie in her head beforehand with all that was going on - dealing with all the truths coming in one after the other, the crying, the emotional trauma, getting the kwamis back -
and of course, there's adrien. he is one of the highest things on her list of priorities, his safety being the first thing she needs to take care of. the problem is, she doesn't know how. the only thing she can do in that situation is lie. a small lie. just one to make it better for now and then she can make it a long-term lie later. make sure no one else finds out.
and once she started telling the lie, once the first words were out of the mouth, it was all improvisation. her next words showed up in her head as she was going, spinning up a believable story, just good enough to be taken as the truth. she rambled - a rookie mistake for liars - but you couldn't blame her. she's a professional liar, almost, with her superhero identity, but this one is different. just one hour after learning the truth she had to cover up all this with no warning beforehand.
she couldn't tell adrien the truth. but she couldn't do much to comfort him either. ladybug couldn't tell him something only marinette knows.
she had to lie. she had to come up with something on the spot. those words would haunt her for the rest of her life - that lie was all she could think about for the next couple of months because she had to make it work. she had to keep the truth and make everything work out. it wasn't a big deal. she just had to tell adrien something, anything that would comfort him! what would comfort him about his father? what would convince him that he was a good guy this whole time? that he was a, a, a hero! yes, she would tell him that. it was a white lie! she wasn't a bad person! she just had to tell adrien that his father was a hero so that he would never have to know the truth and suffer like she did. he was a hero.
was.
once that word came out of her mouth, there was no going back.
#ok coming from someone who is VERY good at lying (and no that's not a lie) I am VERY IMPRESSED by that.#it's not even an exaggeration by the writers. in fact I think this is perfect.#ive had to lie several times before. make sure there were no plot holes in the story I was trying to spin to get out of trouble. to be safe#to save a life.#this is very realistic of her.#when she's under pressure she talks. she lies. some of her smartest moments are made up of lies. it might seem like a good idea at the time#she might not know what's coming out of her mouth as she's saying it.#but regardless she needs to deal with it later. once the adrenaline has finally died down and she faces the consequences of her actions.#once the emotion has died down. once the truth of what she's said sinks in.#I lie on the spot if I have to. my stories stay active for just long enough that eventually it becomes a fact of life and I have to remembe#each detail of the lie so that it doesn't fall apart.#it can't fall apart. the world will end if it falls apart.#(the world is a web of lies that I have spun.)#oh MAN the marinette thoughts today. should I write a fic. yea im writing a fic.#marinette dupain cheng#miraculous ladybug#ml spoilers#ml london special#wait I just realised all these paragraphs I typed up what the heck what am I doing with my time#gotta love lying to people tho.#actually no thats a lie I hate it.#ugh life is so confusing can I pls just project myself onto marinette instead of having to deal with stuff#yk out of all the characters I didn't realise SHE would be one of the ones I resonate with the most. but thats a fact and I love it.
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I think someone should study the fact that all of the moral issues people have with coleen hoover are just the modern day version of "this erotic literature will corrupt our pure women!"
#she literally. she literally writes modern day bodice ripper romances. y'all grandmas#consumed that shit as if tomorrow wouldnt come#hell i myself think that her writing sucks but. im not gonna raise a rabble or go on a moral crusade with 'oh i am so worried for the young#girls who might read this and think abuse is ok!' which is just. so incredibly stupid#and is one of the instances where people will literally blame anything but the abuser themselves in a DV situation#(and like doesnt account on how girls can and do know how to differentiate fiction from reality#me reading smutty bully harry stiles fics at twelve with dubious consent didnt lead to my grooming#because i *knew* that an asshole beating you up at school and then saying no i love u now was wrong and abusers#are way more insidious than that#there are also people going 'oh but her being widespread is the reason why media literacy is so low' baby it doesnt work like that#the booktoker saying she cant read stories that are too complicated wouldntve been miracolously a good reader if coho didnt exist#she wouldve just read. harry potter or other YAs. media literacy and reading comprehension are tools that can be sharpened#but aren't really *gainable* yknow unless they are put into you really young thru school and we all know school doesnt do that#also comment i found funny was someone going 'teens who read coho will grow up saying that wuthering heights is a love story'#<-da hell is that thang. whuhei is 100% a love story all the players being assholes doesnt mean it isnt a romance
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thinking about Bodkin again bc I mean,,, ALL THE SYMBOLISM OHHHHHGH. i NEED some tumblr film analysis hobbyists to watch this show and tell me all the themes n such
#yes I’m making all these posts in a row#it’s bc I’m obsessed atm#mypost#Bodkin#bodkin netflix#PLEASSEEEEE#WHY DID THE PAPER MACHE HEAD LOOK LIKE GILBERT#CAN WE HAVE AN IN-DEPTH CONVERSATION ABOUT EVERYTHING ABOUT GILBERT BEING FORCED TO SWALLOW/CHOKE ON HIS WORDS (recorder) BUT THAT SOUND—HIS#STORY (HIS pov. however ‘abstract’ and detatched from consequence it may have been) BEING WHAT CATCHES EMMY AND DOVEs ATTENTION TO SAVE HIM#. LIKE#OUGHHHHHWJEHQIHSJSBWJXNAJSNNQJZNWHXJWHXJEBXNDUSBJS#AND THE WOLF IMAGERY PLS SOMEONE TELL ME ABOUT THAT#IS THERE MORE THAN THE SURFACE? what do I not understand? as im writing this out am thinking: ok its cause dove is a lone wolf#WAITTTT WAIT OMFG AND when she remembers that her mom told her to howl when she was lost… bc wolves actually have family and I’m p sure the#lone wolf thing is a myth… after she realizes that she’s not alone and she can choose to interact#GOD GRAHHHHH IM GOING CRAZY OVER THIS SHOW#other things I’m thinking abt (will maybe make a post abt?)#OUGH YEAH OK dove symbolism: wolf/lone wolf. sunglasses/shielding herself (OUGH AND SHE PICKS UP THAT XTRA LAYER OF DEFENCE WHEN SHE COMES#BACK TO HOMELAND/familiar space… bc she’s vulnerable to her past here…. hrahhh#. also LMFAO when she calls the sheriff a piggy#hrmmmmm aughhh I want to dissect Gilbert and Seamus’s friendship oughhh#ok wait even more on Dove: I want to dig into when she calls Emmy Emmy vs Sizargd (will have to look up the spelling whoops) —was it always#blatant manipulation? how much of it is a reflection of what she is? hrmmmm there’s so much there I think#another Q: why did Emmy call the tech guy Shitpants again at the end? ik there were the stakes I just wanna dig into her character more. why#would she say the shitpants thing instead of manipulating him in other ways? (not saying her was was unreasonable at all lol-j wanna dig#into her character.#OH prob something abt the whole ‘her needing to release her anger’ thing? idk ahh I want to analyze her more
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assorted quotes from the introduction of Monstrous Children and Childish Monsters: Essays on Cinema’s Holy Terrors
#ok only the introduction of this book is good all these essays are BAD#writing notes on the pilot flashback/jess' death and once again ruminating on sam as the story's original monster#sam was THE og spn creepy child. horror's monstrous-child archetype. the holy terror#finalgirlsamwinchester is just a ruse this is the sam + horror trope i'm most interested in#does anyone get me. he's regan from the exorcist. the archetypal child as the entry point drawing evil into the family home#the first quote really encapsulates how both john and later dean view sam -> the 'conflation of innocence and fear'#innocence/inhumanity -> requiring control. monitoring. containment -> 'i want you to watch out for sammy okay' (2.01)#'to find our innocence we must destroy it; we return to the child within in order to kill it'#also. 'monsters are monstrous because they always escape human comprehension'#^ the mantra i'm gonna tell myself next time i see someone totally misunderstanding sam lmao#ok saving the rest for an actual analysis#sam monstrosity studies#lit recs#j.txt
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Pete didn't realize he was holding his breath until Vegas slightly moved in front of him. He was too focused on what was in Vegas' hands, stretched in his direction for Pete to apparently take.
A gift, Vegas called it. Pete couldn't understand.
"Vegas. What are those?"
It was a stupid question to ask, but Pete couldn't help it.
Vegas' grip tightened around the bouquet. "Isn't it obvious? Flowers," he replied hastily, the pitch of his voice higher than normal. "Do you not like them?"
He was nervous. On edge. It explained some things, but not everything. Pete had to know. He had to figure out what was going on.
"Did something happen at the compound?"
Vegas had been at a meeting with Porsche all evening. He had seemed fine upon returning home, but then he suddenly interrupted Pete who had been washing the dishes and pulled out a bouquet of yellow roses from his backpack and he offered them to him with a warm smile on his face, somehow expecting Pete to not grow suspicious of the gesture.
"Why do you think something happened at the compound?" Vegas asked and his tone of voice made Pete finally raise his head to look at him.
Vegas looked hurt. His eyes were glassy, his breathing uneven. He was going to cry soon if this conversation continued. Pete didn't want that.
"I... just... Vegas, we can go to our bedroom if you want-"
"Fuck, Pete, it's not about that," Vegas groaned and threw the bouquet on the dinner table. He ruffled his hair harshly and muttered something Pete didn't hear. Probably calling himself a failure, as always.
"Has nobody ever given you a present before?" he shouted two seconds later, returning his attention to Pete, who could feel his eyebrows furrowing as he was staring back at him.
All Pete could do at the moment was utter the first thing that came to his mind.
"No? Why would they need to?"
Seeing the change in Vegas' demeanor made Pete come to a second realization then; that was the wrong answer to give.
#ok so a couple of points here#1. I don't remember if it was yellow roses that Vegas gave to Porsche in the extra story but we'll pretend it was#I won't have only BOC give me parallels between Porsche and Pete in regards to Vegas ok? I'll create my own too#2. I'm sure Pete has received gifts in his life - his grandma is right there to give him all the love nobody else did#but we'll suspend our disbelief here a little bit for this to become a little more tragic thank you#I just had an amazing discussion this morning about this topic and I wanted to explore it#Did I do a good job? eeeeeehhh#but yeah anyway good job Pete dear 10/10#(Also this scenario can fit into the instances that Pete is the one who hurts Vegas emotionally and not the other way around)#(It can happen people!! Outside of sex too!!)#(And I'll be here to scream about it thank you)#vegaspete#yu is writing#I managed to write words 🥹 Someone be proud of me hahahah
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I’m going to need people to STOP comparing the badly written king from wish to alma😭
#saw someone say it’s man hating#y’all were not there in 2022 alma was getting attacked left right and centre#like just cause wish couldn’t decide what they wanted to do with him doesn’t mean he’s like alma#this makes me think it’s actually the opposite#if alma was a man she would not have gotten that much hate#look I understand being disappointed about his story and how bad the writing is#but alma never became like a possessed dictator so#also no mirabel would not have forgave him instantly and she didn’t forgive alma instantly#encanto#encanto disney#disneys encanto#mirabel madrigal#abuela alma madrigal#they never showed the king as remorseful so it’s not really the same#alma literally went to the birthplace of her trauma just to see if mirabel was ok#enough alma slander!!!#mirabel encanto#disney’s encanto
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no actually I’d like to hear your thoughts on the isat ending
Like i said it felt really tropey and by that i meant that it’s just Everything Good Happens forever and…..that’s it ? like idk we were building up to this huge catharsis sort of thing and then we got to it and it was so sudden and not a good payoff and just kind of nothingburger of an ending . the fact that everyone just forgives siffrin bothers me, or at least the fact that they don’t confront them about the shit they’ve said and done. call me a mental illness villainizer but i think if you’re a fucking asshole and doing the most insensitive things to the people you care about then hey, i think those ppl have a right to fucking tell you off for it. likeeee idk being at your lowest point …… not an excuse …. not feeling it chief ……. like sure the message is to move past your mistakes or whatever but ? that doesn’t mean just getting away with it ??? and i just really don’t understand Why everyone forgives him. honestly at the end of the day the ending is just one problem, the root of which are the characters. everyone feels like trope cardboard cutouts. oh, this is the smart one. this is the smol bean. this is the himbo. and they all care for each other btw. Did u hear that? they all care for each other. we’re not really going to explain to you why these people are so close or what they went through together but just trust me man they’re sooo found famy. like …. okay. i’ve played 30 hours of this game and not once did i buy that any of the characters really cared about each other. like??? why???? You’re telling me everyone super cares about siffrin even though they barely know them?? you’re telling me siffrin cares about everyone sooo much even though he never even bothered to find out their problems before ? Wat ? and this just breaks the ending more because literally whyyy do these people care about him so bad. and then it’s just whyyy does siffrin Have to tell them anything he doesn’t even seem to know them that well. everyone feels like colleagues and Just Friends at best. and so the ending just seems really forced. like it was written by that type of tumblr user who’s always talking about aww why does the found family have to break up after the end of the journey :( which is like fiiiiine. i guess. but u guys know that u have to build up to it right?? you can’t just tell me they’re Family Members(tm) 102829 times and that they super care about each other source: trust. you can’t just do that and then expect me to believe it ….. It feels unearned. the ending feels unearned and i don’ttttt understand what i’m supposed to take away from it . that it’s ok to fuck people up because you’re traumatized and insecure?? that you have to talk about your deepest problems with people you barely know??? i just dont know. Like i said if im being honest the problems with this game’s writing are more than just the ending, it just stands out so much because there’s a lot of build up and then just …… That
#honest to god if you want a Good Example of a story like this just look at dungeon meshi#we start the story from the end of the characters’ journey. they all don’t know each other very well and they’re just working together#hell they don’t even like each other that much. And then as the story develops and they go through their journey we get to see them bond and#get closer and fight and make up and admit they care about each other and still be mad at each other#nobody even gives a fuck about laios at the beginning of the story but by the end of it they’re all willing to die for him. THAT feels#earned. when marcille super fucks up and everyone tells her off for it but still wants to just make sure she’s ok That feels earned#like honest to god i’d take marcille’s arc any day than whatever’s siffrin going on#i just feel like this game suffers from a chronic Tell Dont Show syndrome. we get old over and over again that these characters are close#told*#and that they care about each other. And that’s just ….. not a way to write a story ………#when all the characters exist just to comfort the Whump Main it’s like how am i supposed to get invested. in any of this#u know when the dev replied to someone who was asking them how to write a story and they just said ‘glue your fav tropes together until it#becomes a story’? Well i think that is isat’s main problem. it’s not really a story. it doesn’t really have characters#it’s just a bunch of tropes in a trench coat. And let me tell u that is notttt how you make a story. at all. at all#anyways this was supposed to be about the ending but this story just has so many inherent problems i could critique it forever🤷♂️ my badddd#it’s fun as a game and it’s Fine as a story but at the end of the day it just reads like fix-it fanfiction to me#which is not Bad on its own but i wish people would at least recognize how the story is kind of built on sticks#cramswering
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i started reading the vampire armand. btw
#got a little way into iwtv a month or two ago and it's a slog so i just thought fuck it why am i eating plates and plates of boiled carrots#just to get to the point when i can have the delicious sponge at the end (tva)#im an adult#so i am simply jumping in here and they keep being like lestat is passed out on the floor because he went to hell and im like ok great!#so lestat is passed out on the floor because he went to hell#makes sense to me!#this guy is psychic and stole some other guy's body i can deal with that#armand has kids! ok cool dont need to know how that came about#and now finally i am meeting my darling amadeo#main thing so far is im in two minds between armand is recounting this story as someone who justifies and romanticises his abuse#so it makes sense the way he talks about it#versus i feel like anne rice is also writing this story of paedophilia as though it were romantic#clinging TIGHT to my watsonian explanation to make this bearable#i am putting myself through this for the reasons god intended. to inform my toxic yaoi fanfiction#good luck suing me from beyond the grave ms rice!!!!! im giving this man mental illnesses you havent even heard of!!!!!!!#tvaposting
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i'm this close to opening discussion whether (is it possible that) kaiser is a playboy or not
#poponing#seeing how he enjoys feeling superior? this seems highly possible esp in a modelling au etc#BUT this guy also hits me like someone who is married into his job and if the other person doesn't give me the feeling of sueriority#for him in his field then he won't bother (i.e. how he acts @ yoichi & @ others at the beginning aka rizzlord kaiser vs default fridge guy)#kaiser (also sae) where is your back story ln chapter im begging here#okay lets stop here before i go off to some weird tangents. now back to rl business. will prob del later#babblings#also adding another note kaiser does seems to kinda focus on something or someone then appear disinterested in others#also will he even bother making someone feel special?? im asking really at this point im going off on semi baseless assumption#that fragile self image is making me scratching my head#but you know ness—magic and then kaiser—blue yellow—glass (chain) kinda like a fairytale (cinderella) ok off topic#....okay not gonna del this. this is my personal note#ugh but anyway playboy kaiser...? he really is confusing for me to write now because his facades are so different#and that cold guy part is STILL a facade. what are u kaiser#now back to rl fr
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me writing the most heart wrenching miserable painful hideous emotionally exhausting angst vs writing a single bj
#why is this…. so hard…. lol#someone sufffering I can fucking write in a second#as soon as I start describing a fuck it’s like ok I have to rewrite this#tbh sex scenes are the only things I ever feel like I need to rewrite constantly#misery#anyway it’s fine I guess whatever lol#whatever#i like reading it but it’s annoying to write#i mean it’s thematically necessary for the story so it should be in there!! just wish it could write itself and i just read it after and#sign off lmfao#anywayyyyy im not a puritan i swear i just get in my feels about writing what i hope is a really emotional fuck and then reading it and it#feels kinda clinical????? idk#im sure it’s fine im just too close lol
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Oh man, I feel you on the Medstar books. And I, too, love to work them into my fics as often as possible. That and The Approaching Storm for good measure. It's also important that she was at Umbara.
Now that I finished the Medstar books later night, I just borrowed The Approaching Storm and plan on digging in to it!
I've been wanting to weave in the Umbaran Campaign into my story in some way beyond a simple mention, but I'm kind of stuck with no ideas on it rn unfortunately.
I wouldn't be surprised if they retcon it completely, but I also want to add her imprisonment on Felucia and subsequent rescue by Aayla shortly after her Knighting (since it's still considered to be canon in some way?). Of course the Legends story of it doesn't match with canon in any significant way so I would make major changes to it so it could fit into the timeline properly, but I feel like it could be a major turning point for her mentally—like the final nail in the coffin (or close to it) leading up to the Temple plot.
I have a lot of ideas and I really want to start writing it out, but at the same time I'm overly worried about characterization and it's completely stopping any progress. I really want to talk through my ideas before I work on it, but I don't really know anyone to talk to here other than my friend (who I assume would be willing to listen but she doesn't really know Barriss beyond looking over my shoulder while I was crying over TOTE).
Idk it's just super important to me that I do it well bc I love her character so much and I want to do right by her especially when she is so misunderstood
#(now realize this would probably have been better to post on my sw blog but hey🤷♀️)#all my emotional investment for the past 2 months has been directly tied to writing this story like i'm going insane a little 😂#I've actively been avoiding reading anyone's non-au fics bc I don't want to accidentally take someone else's ideas#which is kind of killing me bc there are so many that I want to read already#but I'm choosing to wait until I've finished or at least outlined the majority of the story before reading anyone else's stories#the outline is already at 10k words and I'm so far from finished and stuck on so many aspects😭#I guess it also means a lot to me bc of what I have done so far and the deep dive I'm trying to do into her character and mentality..#has been helping me a lot with processing my own cptsd and depression#ok sorry for rambling this just has been consuming me for months with no outlet
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