#someone woke up and chose double angst

[writeshite]

Bucky gaslighting his boyfriend into forgiving him for breaking his arm although literally everyone else is against it

Bucky holds up his hands; your bruise had healed a lot better; he wanted to reach out, hold you close and pepper your face with kisses. But he can't, not now, not when you're stood by the sink, hand loosely holding onto the bowl you'd been placing in the sink.

The apartment had been rearranged after his last visit, and he'd had to crawl his way through a less safe window; it hadn't hurt, but he could note the guilt in your face when your eyes raked over the shallow scratch on his arm. He was sure there was a panic button somewhere in here, but he couldn't pinpoint where. "Hey, doll."

You nurse your broken arm close to your chest, gaze locked on his every movement, your eyes dart away every so often, and Bucky surmises the remote on the coffee table must have the panic button. He could beat you to it, break it with his hand, but he'd rather have you come to him with open arms. "How are you doing?" He asks.

You shirk back, confused, "I—I'm fine." Natasha had stepped out just a few minutes ago; Bucky must have been lying in wait, "You need to leave, Bucky."

"I will; I just wanted to make sure you were fine," he replies, stepping forward; you flinch, but he persists, and you back into the sink, and the bowl falls from your grasp; Bucky catches it, placing it in the sink. His hands hold your face, and his thumbs rub circles on your skin; his metal thumb grazes the cut, and his gaze moves from your face to your arm. His other hand moves to it, holding it delicately; he brings the cast to his lips and kisses your fingers.

"Bucky..."

He apologizes, metal hand caressing your face; you've always been susceptible to touch; now, exhausted after days of crying, you looked just about ready to keel over. You lean away and place your good hand on his chest; Bucky holds it there, "I didn't mean to hit you," he pulls you closer, "I know you didn't mean anything with that guy." He manages to hold back the grimace.

"Mean anything —we were talking, Bucky," you draw back, and Bucky chastises himself for breaking the haze. "He was a delivery man, making conversation; you —you hurt me," you whimper.

"I know, I know," he replies, metal hand combing through your hair, "I know you didn't mean to make me mad. You were just talking right?" He throws your words back, pecking your forehead, "I don't know why you stay with a ticking time bomb like me," he pouts, knowing full well how much of a bleeding heart you were.

It's not long before you're the one comforting him, "Bucky, I don't care about the other men; I lo— I wanted you." You correct yourself, but Bucky catches the word change; he pulls at your heartstrings until your emotional battery is drained, drawing your pliant form into his arms and leading you back to the couch. You sleep like the dead, completely unaware when Bucky has a stand off with Natasha, and Steve - he doesn't relent, not this time - comfortably pulling you closer as he toys with the remote in hand before crushing it entirely.

"He doesn't need it; he's got me now."

[evanpfics]

Boy Next Door (I)

Tate Langdon x Reader (Angst/Story)

Warnings: cussing, arguing, stalkish vibes, mentions of an affair (wc: 2.8k)

The story is somewhat based on AHS murder house, a lot was changed though but I used it for inspiration. If you have any feedback or notice mistakes let me know kindly!

You decided to move out of Orlando, FL and into Los angeles, CA after your father had an affair with your bestfriend.

You resented your father for it, you blamed him for ruining your family’s bond. you also found it disturbing how he went for someone near your age when he was double it.

Both of your parents stayed silent the whole ride only talking to ask you if you needed anything or when they had to make quick stops for gas. You enjoyed the silence since it’s only been yelling and mayhem since your mom caught your dad in the act.

You found yourself drifting to sleep being drawn into the sounds of cars passing by, driving always had a certain sound you enjoyed.

After what seemed like seconds you woke up to the car passing a speed bump, hard. It woke you up abruptly.

“We’re here!” Your dad said excitedly.

You peered out the car window seeing a red-bricked unkept house. The garden practically suffocating the house in weeds and all sorts of plants, looked like it had no one living there for decades.

“It could use some work, but I’m sure If we worked together we can make it look brand new. Woo! Right guys?” Your dad continued sounding very proud.

Silence.

You felt the awkwardness take over and you sighed heavily before leaving the car.

Your dad was always the more excited happy one. Sad he had to make stuff sort of weird.

Your dad looked over at your mom with a awkward confused look planted on his face. Your mom rolled her eyes in response as she left the car as-well.

Leaves and plants crunched under your shoes as you walked up the few steps and reached the front door.

Your fingers guided between the crevasses of the reddish brown bricks. You can see dirt and dust leave a residue on your finger tips and you rubbed it on skirt in disgust.

You soon regretted that as the dirt left a off putting color on your skirt as you tried to wipe that away as-well. You can hear your mom trail behind you as she begins to unlock the front door.

“Oh dear, don’t get your clothes too dirty y/n. We don’t know if the washers here work yet and the closest laundromat is god knows how far.” She groaned.

You nodded your head in response as she stepped inside allowing you to soon follow.

“Go ahead and pick out your room honey, me and your dad are gonna.. figure out what to do with this place.” She said exhaustingly, sounding already tired of this place.

Can’t blame her, seemed like a lot of work just for this place. Pricing for this place was unbelievably low, you never questioned why but you assumed it was because of how unkept this place was.

You found the stairs and slowly made your way up them observing the wooden steps and hanging chandelier.

Floor boards creaked each step you took.

After seeing every room you finally chose yours. Each room was already furnished and you were surprised with the one you chose. It matched what you envisioned your room which you found odd since sellers normally go for more.. modern looks. Especially for a house like this.

You walked around your room admiring each little thing about it. Most of it seemed used as if someone was still living here. You found it odd but just assumed that if there was someone here you would’ve known by now.

After awhile of admiring antiques around your room you start to make your way down stairs to tell your parents about your chosen room.

As you step off the final step you see your parents talking to an unfamiliar woman dressed in a, maid uniform?

“Ah honey! Meet our.. new maid.” She said hesitantly unsure what to really call her.

The woman turned around revealing her elderly face. Even elderly she was quite pretty, you can see almost a story behind her eyes.

She was a red-head, half blind, fragile looking woman.

She stared at you shortly before shooting you a gentle smile.

“Hello dear, and you guys can call me Moira.”

You crept your way towards your family as the woman stuck out her hand. You shook it.

“Its nice to meet you” You said after the handshake. “Since when did we get a maid?” You asked as you stared at your parents giving them a confused look.

“Uhm well, we aren’t too sure about the idea yet. She insisted and-“ your dad said before getting cut off.

“Im willing to work for free” The woman budged in. “I can cook, clean, and do anything you’d like. Im great at it i assure you. Can do as much as cooking you cuisine to getting the most riggest stains out of whatever you’d like” she said shooting your parents a soft smile.

Her smile and attitude made you feel save. Plus her elderly figure kind of added on into your comfort. Oddly.

“Then.. I guess it will be fine, but really. Are you sure your find with working for free? I mean, we hardly know you and that just seems to generous of you.” Your mom replied, sounding very confused from her offer.

“Of course, all I ask for is for a break every Halloween to visit my mother and every other Holiday to just relax.” Moira gently stated.

“Oh my god of course, take as much time as you need. Doing this for us is already a big thing.” Your mom said sounding happy.

The room got quiet as Moira nodded and started prepping and cleaning dishes to cook, randomly.

You made your way back up the stairs and into your room. You plopped yourself on the bed before remembering you forgot to tell your mom you chose your room.

You groaned disappointingly.

“New neighbors, huh?” You heard from in-front of your bed.

You jolted up almost panicked as you stared up at what caused the noise.

You see a blonde haired boy not too far from your age staring down at you. His eyes seemed dark and empty.

“Who the hell are you?” You snapped sounding scared but trying to hide that so you would sound more intimidating.

The boy smiled, his eyes still empty which freaked you out by the lack of visible emotion behind them.

“I’m Tate. Tate Langdon. I’m your neighbor.” The boy said as he sat beside you along your bed.

You moved your legs away from him now having your knees to your chest.

“Scared?”

“No.” You stuttered a bit. Your face made slight visible frustration as you heard your own voice stutter.

Tate hesitated before laying his back on the bed.

“Now he’s just overdoing it. Getting way to comfortable and I hardly even know him.” You thought.

“Do you.. need something?” You asked after awhile of debating if you should just leave or figure out what the hell this dude is doing.

He looked over at you taking awhile to reply as he just stared. It made you uncomfortable.

“Sorry.” He said before trailing out your door.

Visible confusion took over as you wondered what just happened. You were glad dude wasn’t a total weirdo.

It still was really odd. Like who does that?

After a bit of processing on your bed you stood up unpacking your clothes.

You thought everything in your room is beautiful and felt unbelievably lucky.

You stuffed your drawers with clothes.

You took out your very few records.

“Shit.” You thought to yourself.

You packed your records but totally forgot the god damn record player.

You lightly needed your eye brows in frustration before hearing a sound behind you.

You jolted towards the sound to see what caused it.

Nothing.

You slowly walked towards your nightstand expecting some sort of rat or spider judging based on the house.

Sudden rattling was heard from under your bed which really crept you out.

After awhile of going back and fourth on weither or not you even want to look under the dark shadow under your bed possibly being greeted by some human sized pest.

Which was just you exaggerating; but the idea still made you shiver.

You finally gain the courage to look under your bed.

You laughed at yourself a bit seeing as nothing was there, but a box shaped object?

You pulled it out.

Your eyes widened in surprise.

“This house must be able to fucking read minds!” You thought to yourself.

You opened the box in half revealing a record players interior.

You blew away the visible dust smiling in delight that your misfortunate forgetfulness didn’t totally turn out horribly.

You took the record out of its sheet and gently placed it onto the record player lightly pressing the needle onto the record allowing it to play.

You lightly hummed to the songs rhythm as you set the record player on your dresser. You finished taking everything out of your bags as you plop them on the floor kicking them under your bed.

You left your pajamas on the bed. You picked them up swiftly before deciding to take a quick shower before you slept. You entered the bathroom being able to see the white marbled tub and beautiful white tiles.

The house definitely looked better from the inside than the outside. You set your clothes neatly on-top of the counter as you prepped your shower. The drops of water echoing through out the bathroom.

You got undressed and placed yourself in the shower allowing yourself to relax under the showers soothing rain. You quickly washed your hair and body before stepping out, turning the shower off as you exited.

You dried yourself off before hearing glass shatter and screaming coming from downstairs.

You frantically dried the rest of your body and changing into your clothes before running down the stairs, steps creaking as you make your way down.

You found your father yelling at someone whom you have never even seen in your life. You exhaled in relief since you thought something more outrageous happened. You watched them argue hidden behind the corner.

It was just the glass vase that dropped, you were a bit upset since the base wasn’t totally horrible looking. After hearing their argument you assumed it was one of your dads patients.

He often treated patients. He was a therapist. He held his sessions at home so the patient must’ve came by to be treated just to be unhappy with whatever service he provided.

“You said you would help me! Not just constantly treat me as if I’m fucking crazy. IM NOT FUCKING CRAZY, YOU UNDERSTAND?” The patient screamed.

“Please just calm down, I never said you were crazy, okay? i just-“

“FORGET YOU AND YOUR SHITTY SESSIONS! I CAN FIND SOMEONE WAY BETTER WHO CAN ACTUALLY HELP.” The patient yelled, cutting your dad off, giving him no time to speak.

The door slammed shut. Your dad exhaled sternly massaging his forehead. He placed his clipboard on the nightstand near the door before grabbing the broom and sweeping up the remains of the broken glass.

You shuffled towards him as his eyes met yours.

“Oh hello sweetheart, do you like the house so far?” He smiled as if nothing happened.

You nodded.

“Mhm.” You hummed. “I picked out my room and everything, do you know where mom is?” You questioned.

He swept up the rest of the glass before responding. “Yeah.. yeah. She’s helping the maid clean. You know how she is. Would feel too bad letting her do it alone even if she insisted.”

You smiled. “That’s totally her.” You replied as you looked around unsure what to really do.

“Oh yeah!” You said as you recalled the strange boy in your room earlier. “Did you by chance have a certain patient here? One named tate langdon.”

Your dad looked at you then away trying to recall anyone named Tate.

“Blonde hair.. green and black striped-“

“Oh! Tate, yes.” Your dad shouted lightly as he remembered who you were asking about.

“He had set an appointment with me earlier after we found out we were neighbors. How do you know him?” Your dad asked before making his way into the kitchen dumping the broken glass out into the trash can.

“Ah nothing, just overheard the name and got curious.” You said hesitantly.

“Hm.. okay. You should head to bed honey the trip was unbelievably longer than expected just to get here.” He said reluctantly.

You made your way back upstairs and into your room. The music still flooding the room making you instantly feel safe. You laid down onto your bed wrapping yourself in your blankets before dozing off to sleep.

…

You felt a dent form in your mattress. You can hear your record playing then stopping then playing again over and over due to the needle finally reaching the end of the whole record creating light buzzing sounds.

You lifted your upper body up rubbing your eyes. You open them.

You jolted back opening your mouth getting ready to let out a scream.

A hand quickly covered your mouth before even being able to let out the slightest noise. Their reflexes kind of caught you off guard.

Your body squirmed as you grabbed their arm trying to remove it. They fought back making you have to take time to catch your breath knowing they would overpower you easily, no matter how hard you tried.

“Stop. STOP!” They yelled still in a quiet tone making sure no one else can hear it. “I’m not gonna hurt you, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have scared you like that. Please.”

Your eyes locked with theirs. You stared at your clock seeing as it was 2:30AM. You store back at him making eye contact with him again.

You nodded your head hesitantly still a bit shaken up. They removed their hand and you continued to catch your breath.

“What are you doing here, Tate?”

He stared at you making himself put up an almost fake looking smile.

“This use to be my room you know? Still have all of my stuff in it. Not that you seem to mind.” He said as he looked around the room then staring at his moved record player.

“Oh shit, my bad. I didnt know any of this was yours.” You said slightly panicked.

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t need any of this stuff anymore so don’t think about it too much.” He gently stated.

“This stuff is kind of old anyways, hardly come in here anymore anyways.”

You planted a confused look on your face.

“So how old are you?” You questioned him.

“Y/A. I’m y/a.” He said sounding somewhat more stern. Caught you off guard.

He surprisingly was the same age as you.

“Do you still come into here or something?.. since you said you hardly come in here anymore.” You asked sounding puzzled.

He stared at you as if he was trying to find out what to say.

“No, no. I just- no. When this use to be mine I mainly hung around outside of the house. Hardly ever really home.” He hesitated.

“Why’s that?” You questioned.

He seemed a bit surprised from your sudden interest in what he has to say.

“Well, my moms a real bitch. My dad left at a young age probably because of her too. Wouldn’t be surprised.” He chucked to himself.

You were a bit surprised and stunned from his openness. Like yeah you did ask, but you weren’t expecting him to just dive into it.

“How did you even get in here?”

“Extra key. Kept it and the owners never asked for it sooo..” he said as he held up a key.

You sighed.

“Well, can you at least not just sneak up on me whenever? It gets kind of uncomfortable. I hardly know you.”

He laughed a bit.

“Well, as far as I’m concerned, you know more about me then I do you. Don’t even know your name.” He said clicking his tongue.

You rolled your eyes. “I’m y/n.”

“Y/n? That’s a nice name. Very nice to just hear.”

You smiled a bit.

“See? Now we are more acquainted. So, can I come in here whenever now?”

Your face became stern.

“Fine Fine.” He sighed sarcastically.

“Can I at least still visit you?” He smirked. His smile seemed actually real this time.

“I guess, but don’t expect much. I’m not gonna warm up to you just because I know your name. Your still just some creep who broke into my room, twice now.” You stated.

He stood up, he walked to the door before staring back taking in the view of his room. He smiled at you before leaving.

Something about his eyes drew you in, but also made you scared of what could be in them. He seemed sweet, but it felt as if there was something.. beyond that.

It made you oddly interested in the guy.

Hoping to meet him again soon.

Inspired by American Horror Story; Murder House. (2011)

[sourskywalker]

Mrs Darth Vader - part 8; A wedding fit for an Empress

Relationship; Darth Vader x Fem!Reader

Series Summary: Newly appointed Emperor Vader, has been hassled about getting married and producing an heir. Whilst having a meeting with Admiral Piett he meets his second in command’s daughter, Y/n.

Series Warnings: Age difference, forced marriage, eating disorders, postpartum depression, suicide attempt, toxic relationship, smut, angst, pregnancy, darth vader is not only a massive creep but also an asshole, referenced suicide

Chapter Warning: N/A

Chapter Summary: The moment Y/n has been dreading; The wedding

(GIF in no way correlates to the readers skin tone)

“This is ridiculous, could I not have been allowed an extra half hour of sleep?” You stare unamused towards your tutor, who simply shrugged their shoulders and resumed their explanation “You’ve been practically hammering into my head how the ceremony is going to occur, do I really need to hear it once more?”

“Miss Piett..” The tutor sighs, pinching the bridge of their nose “In just a few short hours you will be married to the most powerful man in the Galaxy, and not only that, but you will become the most powerful woman in the Galaxy…I will continue to explain up until you are about to step into the carriage” You shook your head, knowing there was no point in arguing “Now…After your vows have taken place you will….” You chose to ignore what they were saying, instead opting to look at each portrait you passed “Oh maker would you look at the time! You’re meant to be in the dressing room”

With an internal groan you followed your tutor down the long corridors, occasionally catching a few cuss words escaping their pursed lips as they made their way towards your bridal suite. You’d been dreading this since the moment you woke up, knowing that by the time you entered the double doors there was definitely no getting out of this mess. “…We are on a tight schedule…” The tutor mutters, fingers resting on their chin as they seem deep in thought “Wedding is in the late afternoon, no afterparty as they both leave for Naboo straight away where the consummation is to occur…” You only heard tidbits of what was being uttered, though the thought of consummating your marriage with Vader loomed over you like a dark cloud

“Miss Piett?” A maid asks, stepping behind you and looking at you “Are you alright?” You blink a few times, turning to face her and giving her a soft wavering smile

“Yes..” Looking back towards the mirror, you cringe inwardly at the sight before you. When you thought of your surprise wedding dress, you never imagined a frumpy pile of fabric practically drowning you, the lace cuff sleeve rubbed against your skin uncomfortably with each small movement, and the puffs that lay on your shoulders caused the fabric to cling to your sweating skin “I’m fine” You blinked back tears

This didn’t look like a wedding dress, this was something only dolls wore.

“Careful!” The tailor snapped, eyeing your movements like a hawk “You nearly stepped on the train” You quickly turned to look behind you, and sure enough there was a train, at least thirty feet of fabric bunched behind you

“Miss, hold still” A cold hand pressed against your chin as they continued to apply a bit of rouge to your cheeks and then moved on to applying a sticky gloss to your lips “Almost done..” She mutters to herself “There” She smiles, taking a step away from you to admire her work “You look beautiful”

You turned to the mirror, holding back a look of disappointment at what you saw before you; This- this girl wasn’t you, this girl is a future empress, you are not a future empress, you’re meant to be out there in the world, acting, hanging out with what little friends you had, going out and getting blackout drunk because that is what nineteen year olds are doing these days, people these days aren’t getting married to someone old enough to be their parent and ruling a galaxy.

Where had you gone wrong..?

“Miss Piett?” A young boy, around your age, peeks his head around the corner, he stares for a moment or two before the tailor gets annoyed and clears their throat and breaks him from his trance “Oh! Uhm, Miss Piett, the carriage is ready” He steps forward, giving you a small and awkward bow before rushing off

“Miss” Alicgil steps behind you with a velvet pillow resting on the palm of her hand, she plucks the tiara from its spot and gently places it atop your head, she put the pillow aside and her hands come to rest against your shoulder comfortingly, she looks forward into the mirror “Everything will be okay” But the uneasiness in her expression said anything but and you sighed, holding her hand on your shoulder for a moment before brushing past her

“Wait a minute!” You turn to look at the tailor who steps forward and brandishes a veil “You cannot leave without this” They click their fingers and a few maids move towards you, placing the veil on top of your head and then shoving a bouquet of flowers into your gloved grasp, they step away from you, eyeing you for a moment and then nod to themself “You are ready”

You turn back to the door, taking a deep breath as you slowly start to walk forward, your eyes planted on the ground so as not to embarrass yourself by tripping over.

You watched from the safety of the carriage, eyes widening at the amount of people who stood behind the barricades, waving and chattering excitedly as they caught a brief glimpse of you as the carriage continued towards its destination. A nudge in the ribs from your father and a nod towards the crowd had you waving your hand and putting the brightest smile on “This is your wedding day, Y/n. Do not disappoint me.” He whispered into your ear, your eye twitched slightly but the small movement went unnoticed by Firmus

The tiara placed on your so-called immaculate hairstyle had never felt more heavier as the carriage gradually slowed until it stopped and the door flung open. Flashes from cameras evaded your senses as Firmus climbed out of the carriage first and then extended a hand to help you out

“Thank you. Firmus” You clutched his hand tightly as you clambered out, you stared at him coldly and he shifted uncomfortably but then you plastered on a wide smile, squeezing his hand reassuringly as you turned towards the red carpeted stairs that led towards the double door, you smiled and waved to the people standing behind the barricades

Firmus slowly led you through the double doors and down the aisle. If it didn’t feel like you were being led to your doom you would’ve been impressed by how beautiful the venue was. But the thought was squashed when you looked up and realised Vader was standing at the end, he had yet to turn and look at you, but you knew he could sense your presence as his mask tilted slightly before turning back

“Hello.”

“Hello.” Firmus guided your hand into Vaders who took yours gently

Too gently.

The whole wedding droned on and you felt yourself near to falling asleep a couple of times, but the gentle grip Vader had on your hand would tighten slightly to keep you grounded.

“Kneel, my wife” Vader spoke, he leaned slightly helping you get comfortable on the carpet as he turned away momentarily before returning with a beautifully intricate gold and sapphire crown resting on his palms “Under the gaze of the maker I crown you; Y/n, Empress of the Skyriver Galaxy. May the force be with you” He placed the crown on your head and an eruption of cheers reverberated throughout the venue as people stood from their respective seats and applauded the newly married couple

TAGLIST: @mariamyousef702

[hannya-writes]

Every Broken Shard of Your Heart

Title: Every Broken Shard of Your Heart

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing: Donquixote Rosinante x Reader (implied), Donquixote Doflamingo x Reader

Other characters: None

Category: Romance, Smut, a bit of Angst

Warnings: the first and most important: This is a Smut, so don't read it if you are under 18y/o. Besides that we got misuse of Devil Fruit powers, murder, fool language, thighs fucking, size kink (is not mentioned a lot), Fingering, Dominant!Doflamingo, Death of a character.

Author's note: I started writing this while watching Dressrosa arc and that was like, three months ago however I ended writing this because I kinda dig the idea of Doffy being in love with someone who loves Rosi, and then taking advantage of her broken heart.

• • •

— wait, Doffy! — you said on your knees between the two Donquixote brothers, Rosinante behind you and Doflamingo in front of you — Don’t do anything you’ll regret— you asked, covering Rosinante all you could with your own body.

Doflamingo clenched his teeth, a vein popped in his forehead out of frustration and hate. You were begging for his little brother's life, you who were proud and arrogant, the only one in his family who didn’t fear him or his fury for going against his wishes. You, the only one in his family who he asked himself to be by his side. For a split second he thought you chose his brother over him, until you continued speaking and he considered your ideas as the words came out of your mouth.

— Use him — the words came out with more conviction than ever — You know he’s a spy, make him your tool, a double agent, that way we can use him to have information about the Marine — Your idea made Doflamingo almost smile. Almost.

— He’s been lying to us — he said with a cold, harsh tone — He lied to you— he took a step closer — and me — another step closer — did you know he could speak? — closer — did you know he was a Marine? — he squatted in front of you but he already knew the answer.

— No — you exhaled with that short word and looked down in shame, you were supposed to know these things.

His warm hand caressed your cheek and stopped in your chin, making you look up at him, the glasses were the only barrier between your y/e/c eyes and his.

— Don’t worry about me, this is not something I’ll regret — he promised and pointed the gun over your shoulder and shot.

You didn’t flinch as every bullet was shot, even when the gun was right by your side. You were used to that sound, to the blood and gore that existed in your line of work, however it wasn’t because of that you didn’t react. It was because of fear. Fear, sorrow and a deep pain froze you with each explosion.

You wanted to cry, stop him, wail with every fiber of your being but you couldn’t. Your negative emotions didn’t reach the surface anymore, that much you have suffered in life. This was just another blow that life gave you, after all, you just witnessed the murder of the love of your life.

You died inside once again every day you woke up and realized that event had actually happened. You weren’t going to find Corazon around a corner, you weren’t going to have to save him from burning himself with a cigarette, you will never see his hidden smile in the morning, or smell his cologne mixed with those cigarettes, feel his arms around you, his soft kisses, or anything else. He was gone. You almost wished you could cry, maybe that way you would stop feeling so full of pain and sadness.

— you're smoking — Doflamingo took you by surprise one night as you were doing exactly what he said.

His words took you by surprise since you only smoked in the security of your room, where no one could see you as you laid in bed, thinking of Rosinante, reliving your memories with him, especially those where he kissed and worshiped your body before making love to you.

— not the sharper tool of the box, uh? — you asked sarcastically and he laughed for a moment before getting serious and walking in your room, closing the door behind him.

— when did you start? — he asked and you puffed out some smoke.

— sorry, didn't look at the clock— you answered, letting the cigarette hang on your mouth as you spoke, he stood by the side of the bed towering over you.

— don't make me repeat myself— he threatened, pulling the cigarette out of your mouth, throwing it to the floor to step on it.

— two weeks ago — you confessed and he frowned, it was the exact number of days that had passed since the death of his brother — I missed the smell, decided to try it, turns out it feels good — you added and he sat by your side in bed.

— you miss him — he accused you, showing his unhappiness. A little vein popping in his forehead.

— I'm guilty, your honor, sentence me to hang from the neck till I die — you said plainly, joking sarcastically.

He groaned bothered by the joke, by your attitude. You were usually sarcastic but this was strange. It sounded almost as if you actually wanted to be sentenced to die.

— That’s what you want? — he asked, looking at you from over his shoulder, trying to read your blank expression. Your lack of an answer annoyed the hell out of him, he turned and his big hand caught you by the neck. — I can solve it — he added with a big smile, hovering over you.

It hurt, one of his hands was enough to choke you and kill you. Breathing was difficult, speaking even more.

— You miss — you said, keeping your eyes on his face as he pressed your neck, making it more difficult to breathe with each second — him too — Doflamingo relaxed his hand on your neck out of surprise.

Your hand touched his own softly, without asking for him to take it away, just offering comfort, the same you needed.

— Why are you not fighting me? — he asked, putting a slight pressure again on your neck.

— My life has always been in your hands, why should I start to fear death from them? — you asked even when inside you wanted to tell him to end you.

He laughed with joy as he leaned towards you, all smiles and charm on.

— you have always been the most loyal of all — he praised you, as he leaned closer you were able to see your reflection on his glasses — I must reward you, after all you took care of my brother —

— no — you growled, angry at the mention of Corazon. He was your lover, you didn’t wanted to hear his murderer talk about him — Don’t talk to me about him! —

— You treated his burns every time he caught on fire, you healed his wounds, covered his incompetence, you gave everything for him — his words were the truth but you didn’t want to hear it. — he was like a little brother to you and he still betrayed you — his harsh whisper left you perplexed.

He was right, you have given up even your heart for Rosinante. He made you happy, his clumsiness was cute, he managed to made you blush without even speaking. You laid with him in that same bed, tangled in his body, you slept by his side, but he didn’t gave a fuck about you. It had all been a farse for him, a cover to keep going on his mission.

— I know, so what? — you asked angry, only for the giant's pleasure.

It hurt. It hurt like hell and all you wanted was for it to stop but Doffy was poking the wound only to see you suffer.

— So, I can make you forget — his breath hit the corner of your lips

If you were stupid you would have thought he was flirting.

Your mouth opened to say something but the words didn’t leave before he captured your lips in his. His hand released you and moved slowly over your chest, caressing slowly the curve of your breast. His tongue entered your mouth and the soft, wet appendage looked for your tongue.

“Stop” your mind yelled but your body reacted to him, your tongue followed his, your hands held to him for dear life and your eyes closed, surrendering to his will. It felt just like Rosinante, but it was different. Doflamingo kissed you with fervor and need, his touch soft and careful without being annoying, like Rosinante's teasing nature and his fear of breaking you.

"Fuck him" you thought to yourself before biting Doffy's lip to correspond his offer of sex because Rosi betrayed you and you only had to be loyal to Doffy. With your eyes closed, you could pretend he was his brother. Moaning into his mouth you arched into him, looking for him. He split apart from your lips, smiling at the sight of your chest going up and down quickly, trying to grasp enough air in your lungs. The thread of saliva connecting both of you broke and you gulped down staring at his lips.

He chuckled at your eagerness, enjoying the way your tiny hands unbuttoned his shirt to get to his skin.

— tell me — he ordered and you felt your mouth dry without the intrusion of his tongue — what do you want? —

— You — you answered without a second thought, pushing the bed with your elbows to get closer to him. — Please — your warm breath tickled his lips as he smiled pleased with your answer.

He crawled over the bed to cage you under his bigger frame, leaving his coat and black dress shirt on the floor. You took off your top and he licked his lips at the sight of your half naked form. His lips trapped yours again, kissing you with eagerness and lust. Tongues swirling in a lewd way before he started to kiss your neck, sucking on your skin before biting hard. Marking you, making you moan loudly from the pain and arousal such action provoqued on you.

— so delicate — he muttered against the valley of your breast — all for me — he commented before licking a small circle around your nipple. Your already labored breathing turned into full moans as he played with your tit. His treacherous hand moved, controlling the thread of your jeans making it disappear in an instant, only for him to caress your mount Venus, coaxing you to open up your legs for him. Soft, tender caresses from his finger teased your core as soon as enough space was open for his hand.

You moaned his name at the feeling of his middle finger pressing the wet spot of your underwear against your slit, staining it with your arousal.

— fuck — you cried out pleased, blush evident in your face.

— that good, uh?— he laughed in your ear before pressing a wet kiss to your earlobe — stay still — he ordered, pushing away your panties to penetrate you with one of his thick fingers, curling it in search of the place that made you feel bliss.

— Doffy — you moaned his name in his ear, holding to his shoulders to control the need to push your hips against his hand to make him go faster.

— what is it? Does my finger feels so good for you? — he asked and you bit your lip, happy to feel something different than the usual pain and sadness.

— yes — you answered, biting your lip, at the way your hot inside was being softly and dexterously massaged by his middle finger as he penetrated your hole slowly.

— it's so…— the sentence was left in the air as he pushed deeper and started taking a quicker pace.

His mouth sucked your right breast, as he continued fingering you with just one of those fingers. Your arousal coated his finger, making it easy for him to continue. A second finger prodded your entrance and you buckled your hips, trying to get it inside.

— you are taking it so good — he commented letting go of your erect and swollen nipple from his attention to it. — now, fuck yourself in my fingers — he said stopping the movement to let you do it yourself. — show me how to fuck you —

You raised your hips from the bed and started to do as he had ordered, using his fingers like a toy, bouncing quickly on them, mercilessly, with the same roughness you used to fuck with Rosinante. He chuckled against your left boob, sticking his tongue out to lick the aureole, making your nipple stand in attention. Your hands moved from his shoulders to his chest and abdomen, enjoying the warmth from his body.

— what a pretty whore — he said suddenly and your walls clenched around his fingers at the praise — you wanna be fuck like a whore — he stated and you looked at him perplexed by what his words made to your body as your vagina milked his fingers. — your slutty pussy is sucking my fingers — he added with a smile — I'll give you what you want — he decided.

His hand started moving quickly, making the squelching sound more evident, one of his hands raised one of your legs and he was able to go deeper in his ministrations as he plunged three of his finger on you.

— there — you gasped, scratching his chest as he curled a bit more his fingers and his thumb caressed your clitoris — mmm, gonna cum — you warned him, feeling the pleasure about to explode in your belly.

— cum in my fingers then — he added and those words send you over the edge, body arching as bliss extended in your every nerve, leaving any worry behind, mind blank with pleasure, and your hole filled with him.

— Doffy — your moaned, calling for him and he went in your aid, fingers fucking you through your orgasm, mouth and tongue silencing your stammered words of pleasure as you dug your nails in his abdomen.

His free hand moved against the bed and his pants suddenly were gone. He was naked in his full glory over your own sweaty body.

Your fogged lustful mind got time to enjoy the view since Doffy pulled out his fingers from your cavern only for him to lick your arousal from his hand. His erect cock had a slight curve, the prideful tip pressed against his lower abdomen, stealing your attention.

Your mouth watered at the sight, you raised from the bed to touch him but he pushed you down and pulled you towards him

— don't de stupid — he chastised pumping his cock at the sight of your glistening cunt, ready to be ravaged. — you can't take it, not yet — he said annoyedly, before pressing his cock over your mount Venus, showing you the size difference between both. His cock was huge, warm and heavy against your body.— lt will break you — he warned you with a serious face — and I want to keep fucking the sadness away from my pretty slut — he added with a smile, caressing your lower lip with his thumb before pressing it inside your mouth for you to suck on it.

Your tongue swirled around his digit and you sucked hard, showing him how much you agreed with his statement. He pulled his finger away with a loud pop and you realized your legs were moving but you weren't the one making them move, there were threads making you raise both legs, closing them slowly around his cock.

— Doffy what are you…? — you started to ask but the man pushed two of his fingers in your mouth, shutting you up.

Your ankles were wrapped by thread together, staying abnormally in the air as he thrusted two of his fingers in your mouth, pulling and pushing until they reached the limit of your mouth making you almost gag.

He assessed your body, content with the sight. Your pink cheeks, watery eyes for the way he forced his fingers on your mouth, your thighs in display for him to fuck.

— whores don't speak unless asked to — he mocked before spitting in his cock to use as lubricant as he started to move between your thighs, enjoying the delicious sensation of his aching cock wrapped by you.

You hummed in pleasure and he accelerated his thrusting, sliding over your slit, using your juice to fuck you, making you writhe under him

— swallow — he ordered, forcing his fingers in your throat. You obeyed letting him use your throat as a second pussy while he pumped his length in you.

Tears from the effort of sucking his fingers fell from your eyes and that spurred something inside Doffy. He liked too much the image he got of you: crying, drooling on his fingers, nothing like your usual proud and smartass self. He had made this to you and he loved the sensation of power, he loved to see you broken, lewd. He pumped more in you, wishing it was your precious cunt taking his cock, swallowing him greedily.

You hummed in his fingers and started bobbing your head, enjoying the intrusion, sticking your tongue out to welcome the abuse. Who would have known that two of his fingers gave the perfect girth of a cock. Who would have known fucking Doflamingo could be so lewd and delectable.

The sound of flesh against flesh and the slurping of your mouth had gone in a crescendo. Doflamingo's hips thrusted his cock between your plush thighs relentlessly, his heavy balls slapping against your sex, making you hum on his digits lasciviously.

— so good — he grunted leaning closer, your legs resting over one of his shoulders, bending you in half, his fingers escaped your mouth and his hand guided you to look down to see his wet cock poking between your thighs with every thrust. It made you blush, it was so obscene but somehow it turned you on to see the reddish tip fucking into you. It was so big, so wet. He leaned closer to you, the slight change of position making his balls hit your clitoris with every thrust, your gummy walls clenching over nothing as he used your body.

— fuck… yes… — you moaned in absolute pleasure, wondering if he felt as good as you did. — more… more — you whined drunk of pleasure, lowering a hand to tease the tip of his cock every time it poked over your Venus mount.

— you dirty bitch — he said in a low growl that made you arch against him — I decide when you come… no the other way around — he scolded you before taking your hand away.

You cried feeling every nerve in your cunt start to burn with all the pleasure.

— I…can’t — you announced feeling at the limit of pleasure — cum…cum…ming —you sobbed clinging to his neck with both of your arms.

— good girl — he commented and with that a fountain of pleasure broke inside you making your legs tremble, your hands scratched his neck and a cloud of bliss overtok you.

Doffy enjoyed your expression of pleasure, the way you were sweaty and dirty with your own fluids made him proud.

Messy, quick thrusts followed before he could reach his own climax, from the trembling of your plush thighs. White, hot sperm splashed from his cock, painting your abs and breast to complete the masterpiece he had made with you.

Dazed, you looked at him with a smile, slowly comming back from cloud nine. Catching your breath.

Your fingers cleaned a little of his cum from your breast and brought it to your mouth.

— how dirty — he said observing you under him.

— Says the man who just used my thighs to cum — you answered trying to normalize your breathing and he laughed.

— I couldn't be rash with my pretty slut — he said, taking you by your chin to make you see him right to the glasses. — I must take it slowly or else, this beautiful body of yours would break — he said tracing one of the sides of your body in appreciation, only to end up with cum smeared in his finger.

— It's a pleasure, young master — you said half mockingly, half serious since he had made you cum twice

— Say again the last word — he instructed and smirked.

— Master? — you said and he leaned down to lick your neck. Between your legs you were able to feel his cock twitch at the word.

— that's right, I'm your master — he answered with a low voice that made you shiver. — and you are my whore — his hand went to your waist.

— Sure thing, as long as you make me feel better — you answered by playing hard to get with a smirk in your lips.

The man over you moved one of his hands, commanding the threads to open up your legs to show your wet, sticky crotch and your vagina in full display.

— such big words, from such a tiny slut — he laughed and with a movement he released you from his threads letting you relax, as he fell in bed by your side— don't worry, we are going to have fun—

You turned to your side to look at him and he looked back at you, only you couldn't read his expression because of the glasses. How annoyinh, he had just fuck you while using those ridiculous glasses. Rolling your eyes you took the glasses from his face and put them on the nightstand.

— Next time, glasses off — you instructed and the dark, sharp eyes of the head of the Donquixote family looked back at you. He looked so handsome, dangerous and… relaxed. He wasn't like Rocinante who held you close to his body and made you feel safe but it felt good. It felt good to feel something besides the pain, the loss and the coldness of loneliness.

— sure — he answered tiredly, looking at your eyes, at the spark of peaceful attention and desire in them. He liked that gaze, he liked how honest your eyes were. He had always liked you but never knew how to get in your pants. He should thank his brother, thanks to Rocinante's death he had found a way to get close enough. Roci had won your heart, but Doffy knew he had everything else. It was only a matter of time for him to pick up every broken shard of your heart.

[bbangsoonie]

11:11

member: changmin (q) genre: angst word count: 6,802 synopsis: when changmin finds himself trapped in the past, repeating the day of your death, he’s convinced that he’s been given a chance to save you. warning(s): death

Changmin woke up with a dreading feeling. He hadn’t set an alarm despite it being a weekday. He was hoping to sleep through the day and wake up the next morning. Unfortunately for him, the sleeping pills he took the night before only allowed him rest until noon.

He checked his phone, staring at the date. A year had officially passed by since that fateful day. Groaning, he threw his phone back onto his bed. He stayed under the blanket for a while, not wanting to get up. However, the sunlight shining through his window refused to let him go back to sleep.

Declaring defeat, he sat up and scowled at the sun. It was annoyingly bright today. The weather had no regard for his mood and was unusually warm for a winter day. It pissed him off.

He heard his phone vibrate and chose to ignore what he guessed was Chanhee’s daily check in. Still not fully awake, Changmin walked towards his fridge to grab a cold water bottle. After gulping half of it down, he let out a sigh.

His brain was still at war with himself. Half of it felt obligated to visit you and half of it wanted to drown his feelings in alcohol. He stood there, zoning out, contemplating his options.

Eventually, his guilt triumphed and he found himself throwing on whatever clean clothes he could find. He trudged out of his apartment and down the stairs. On his way to the main road to find a taxi, he passed by a flower shop. The same sense of obligation from earlier made him backtrack and step inside.

It had been over a year since he last visited the place. It felt strange to be back. The emotions he came here with were entirely different from the emotions he had back then.

He asked the worker for a small bouquet of daisies and muttered a word of thanks after receiving his change. After flagging down a taxi, he braced himself for the long ride.

The car escaped from the noisy city and headed towards a more remote area. He almost laughed, remembering how often you would mention that you wanted to be buried in nature and not locked up in a jar behind glass. He used to always chide you for thinking of and planning for your death but in the end, you had been the insightful one. He never thought he’d be traveling to your grave—at least not while he was still in his twenties.

When he finally arrived, his feet rooted itself and he couldn’t bear to walk further. He hadn’t been here since your burial a year ago. A wave of embarrassment suddenly hit him. He truly was an asshole to you until the end. He couldn’t even make things up to you even after your passing.

He hadn’t made any efforts to visit you but it was painfully obvious to those around him that he was still grieving. He blamed himself for letting you die. That burden prevented him from continuing to live life without you. His friends watched as he willingly ruined his own life. He gave up dance and even came to resent music. He spent the past year surviving and not living; he filled his time with part time jobs that would earn him the money he needed for rent and food.

In Changmin’s mind, he didn’t deserve to be happy when your life was cut short. He wished so badly that he could trade places with you.

With another sigh, he made his way towards your grave. He could tell your family stopped by earlier that morning. Someone had left a big bouquet of pink flowers for you. Beside it was a photo of you smiling, oblivious to the tragedy that would occur just a few months after it was taken.

He forced a smile, recalling how you used to complain about how everyone would bring you pink flowers instead of daisies for every occasion. Daisies were your favorite flower and Changmin was the only one who ever remembered.

He placed his own bouquet down and sat next to it. Holding up your photo, he spoke to it as if you would reply.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it, Y/n?” he attempted to say in a cheery voice. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come back. I… I was afraid. Seeing you like this really makes reality hit as if waking up in an empty bed isn’t a strong enough reminder.”

He set the picture down and turned around to face your headstone. Hesitantly, he wiped at a spot and fell into silence. 

“Everyone tells me that the accident wasn’t my fault. I don’t believe it but even if it was true, I still hate myself for letting you leave when the last words I said to you weren’t that I love you. Not only did you die a painful death, but you died with the hurt I inflicted on your heart,” his voice cracked as he choked back tears.

Flashbacks of that day flooded his memory. He winced, finally confronting what he couldn’t for a year.

Changmin had left the dance studio angry. Angry at himself. Angry at his inability to perfect the choreography. Unlucky timing had you outside waiting for him to finish. He had planned on blowing off some steam by meeting Sunwoo for drinks but was stopped by you. You had noticed how upset he was and wanted to cheer him up but was brushed off.

Changmin knew he was snappy when he was pissed and didn’t want you to be on the receiving end. He wanted to spare you from walking on eggshells around him and knew that Sunwoo would quietly let him rant without getting hurt by his actions or words. Instead of clarifying, however, he let you misunderstand and walked away.

You watched him leave, staring at his back. The past month with him had been rocky. You knew he was stressed from preparing for the upcoming competition but you still missed the bubbly Changmin. Nowadays, he was more sensitive and on edge than happy and affectionate.

You had bought matching couple rings in hopes of brightening up his mood. They were simple rings made of silver and meant for the pinky finger. It was to symbolize your promises to each other—to always love and appreciate each other. Yours was already on your pinky but his was left in the box you were hiding in your pocket. You sighed and figured that you’d get the chance to give it to him later.

Except that chance never came. Changmin only came across that ring later when he found it on his table back at his place.

“You know, I left you knowing you probably thought I was irritated with you too. It was because I assumed I’d get to clear that up later. Like always. But later never came,” he fidgeted with the ring that now never left his own pinky.

What a cruel way to teach him a lesson.

“I guess at one point, I started taking you for granted. Taking our time together for granted. Who would've known that death would literally do us part before we even made our vows?” he chuckled at the irony. “I never told you but I intended on proposing to you as soon as we graduated. I got ahead of myself and was planning things way in advance. Would you believe me if I said I already decided where to go for our honeymoon?”

He could almost hear you laugh. If you were next to him, you’d lean on his shoulder as you doubled over in laughter. You had loved and teased him for his sweet side.

“That’s how sure I was that we’d get forever together. You spent the rest of your life with me but now I have the rest of my life ahead of me without you. A little unfair, don’t you think?”

Changmin had so many regrets. He wanted nothing but to go back in time and re-do things. After bottling everything inside him for a full year, everything was spilling out now that he was there with you.

You and Changmin hadn’t moved in together but you often slept over. That day, you waited until night for him to come home. He never did.

Sunwoo had called you from the restaurant they were at, asking you to come pick Changmin up. He wasn’t completely wasted but he was definitely too drunk to go home by himself. Sunwoo apologized, saying he couldn’t take him home because he had a prior arrangement to attend.

So you ended up sitting across from your boyfriend, waiting for him to sober up a little more before leaving the restaurant. This was not how you thought you would spend your anniversary with him. When he stormed off from the dance studio after spending the whole day there, you had already presumed he forgot what day it was for you two. You tried to be understanding, knowing that he felt extreme pressure about the competition.

You didn’t expect any gifts but you had hoped that you would at least have dinner together. But now that was also out of the window. You suppressed your annoyance and reminded yourself of how happy Changmin was when he was dancing. You wanted to be supportive of him.

“Why did you come here?” Changmin asked. Something about his tone irked you.

“What?” you frowned.

“I’m a fully grown man who can find his way back home fine,” his words dug a knife into your heart. You wondered if he forgot that you were the reason why he made it home safe and sound after drinking.

“You should be thankful that I always take care of your drunk ass,” you huffed. “You know, you can’t just count on me to do all these things for you. I do it because I want to but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be appreciated.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he sighed.

You hated that look on his face. He had that look often nowadays. That tired look that screamed that he was too tired to even argue with you. It scared you. Even arguing took interest that he didn’t seem to give you these days. You would rather fight with him than live in such silence.

So you did. You exploded at him.

“No, Changmin, I don’t know. I never know what you’re thinking anymore. You don’t tell me anything and just assume that I can read your mind. And it feels like I’m expected to play the role of your girlfriend when you don’t even act like my boyfriend. You need to take a step back and realize how grateful we should be towards each other.”

After your outburst, you waited for his response. You waited for him to either yell back or apologize. Anything to show that he still cared. Instead, he said something that made you wish that he just didn’t say anything at all.

“Why are you being like this today?”

You felt the knife dig deeper into your heart and his words stunned you into silence.

“You’ve changed,” you whispered.

And with that, you got up and left. Realizing he screwed up, Changmin ran out to chase you. It had gotten late and dark while he was inside and the sky was now pouring buckets. Without an umbrella, you were getting hit by the rain that hid the tears wetting your cheeks. When he finally caught up to you, he grabbed onto your wrist and spun you around to face him.

“You asked why I’m being like this? Today? Well, news flash, Changmin. Today’s our third year anniversary but I guess I’m the only one who cared to remember,” you cried.

His heart shattered at the sight of your face. He never meant to upset you. And he certainly didn’t mean to forget your anniversary. It had slipped his mind while he was focused on practicing. All that seemed futile when he saw the pain on your face.

You didn’t give him a chance to reply and shook his grip off of you. Wanting to avoid him, you ran to cross the street before the light turned red. At that moment, however, a car failed to break in time and the rain caused the driver to lose control.

Changmin’s eyes widened as he watched the vehicle crash into you. The noise was terrifying but seeing your body fly in the air and fall to the ground was even more horrifying. His legs moved before his brain processed the scene he just witnessed. He ran to your side and tried to shake you awake. His hand trembled when he saw that it was bloodied by the wound on your head.

The driver came out of the car, feeling both disbelief and guilt about what just happened. Changmin screamed at him to call the ambulance before returning his attention back to you. He begged you to stay alive but you took your last breath that night at 11:11.

After Changmin came back to Seoul, Chanhee caught him outside of his apartment and dragged him to dinner. He knew that his friend would be mourning all day and not remember to eat. So they went to a nearby restaurant and he practically had to shove the soup into his mouth.

By the time Changmin arrived home, it was late. He washed up and plopped onto his bed, wishing the day would hurry up and come to an end. Staring at the ceiling, he waited for sleep to take him out of his misery for a while. Eventually, his fatigue took over and he fell asleep the second the clock turned to 11:11.

When he awoke, he didn’t feel as groggy as he normally did. He felt strangely well rested. Wondering how long he had slept for, he checked his phone for the time. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he saw the date. It was yesterday’s date but with the previous year. He figured it was a cruel glitch on the device’s part and threw it back down.

He got up to get ready for his shift and fumbled around to look for the sneakers he just recently purchased. No matter how hard he looked, it was nowhere to be found. He found it odd but settled for an old pair of sneakers he hadn’t worn in a while.

After he put them on, he turned the doorknob to leave. He swung the door open and was shocked at the sight in front of him. You were standing there, holding a bag of groceries. Just like you did a year ago.

“Uh Changmin?” you stared at him, waiting for him to move so you could walk in.

Changmin was speechless. His brain felt like it stopped functioning; he didn’t know how to react to the familiar scene in front of him.

“Is this a dream?” he asked out loud.

His heart was racing. You hadn’t shown up in his dreams in so long. Now that you appeared to him, there were so many things he wanted to tell you. He wanted to tell you that he didn’t mean to hurt you. That he was sorry. But in that moment, all he could manage to do was pull you in for a hug.

“Is something wrong, baby?” you asked.

“Everything. N-nothing,” he stuttered.

Was he supposed to talk to you about everything that happened? Was he supposed to just enjoy reliving this day? He couldn’t decide.

You chuckled at the peculiarity of your boyfriend, finding him endearing. You motioned for him to move over and let you in, which he complied while still in a daze. You placed the groceries on the table and began to put away what needed to be refrigerated.

“Are you going to the studio to practice today as well?” you asked, opening a small carton of milk for your boyfriend.

He slowly took the drink you handed him and nodded. He then shook his head, not wanting to repeat his mistakes.

“Today’s our anniversary. We should do something special,” he suggested.

You lit up, excited to go on a date with him. You were glad you chose to dress up today.

“What do you have in mind?” you asked.

“Hmm how about that art gallery you’ve been wanting to go to?” he smiled at your happy expression. “I haven’t had lunch yet so we can eat some pasta before we go.”

So you two headed out to your favorite Italian restaurant and he ordered a bunch of dishes. You had protested, insisting that you wouldn’t be able to finish but he insisted that he wanted to spoil you that day.

He felt like he was on cloud nine as he watched you enjoy your meal. He missed this. He missed seeing you wiggle in your seat because of how good the food was. He missed cutting your steak for you because you were clumsy with knives. He hoped the dream wouldn’t end any time soon.

Noticing that he wasn’t eating much, you picked up a slice of pizza and held it in front of his mouth. His cheeks filled up after he took a bite and you laughed at how cute he looked. Your laughter prompted him to laugh as well, showing off his dimples that you loved.

You left the restaurant stuffed and was ready to fall into a food coma. Yet you couldn’t refuse when Changmin bought you your favorite ice cream. You strongly believed that people had a second stomach for dessert. You walked with the ice cream in one hand and with Changmin’s hand in the other. You stuck closer to him and leaned your head on his shoulder. He turned to look at you and didn’t want to ever look away.

After spending a couple of hours at the art gallery, you found an arcade and tugged him inside. You bet on dinner over three rounds of a vintage game, which you won. You cheered when your victory flashed across the screen, making him chuckle. To be honest, he let you win by pretending to slip up at the end but seeing your joy was worth it.

To Changmin’s discomfort, you chose the samgyupsal place that you two had fought at. Of course, you didn’t know that and just wanted to spend the night eating meat and drinking beer. Although hesitant, he agreed to your menu selection.

Changmin was indescribably elated to be able to sit and chat with you for hours. He didn’t even notice the rainstorm that began once again outside. He was too busy listening to you talk about one of your assignments for a random elective class you took but ended up liking. You rambled on about how your professor was extremely kind and lenient with grading.

By the end of the night, you two left the restaurant and he grew anxious, anticipating the end of the dream. You took notice of his sudden change in demeanor and questioned him about it. Before you could hear an answer, however, your hat was snatched and taken away by the wind. Not wanting it to get wet and dirty, you chased after it.

It all happened so fast. Again. Just as you were about to catch the hat, it blew further away, causing you to step out into the road. And again, there was nothing Changmin could do about the car that crashed into you.

This time, Changmin woke up with the feeling of falling from a tall height. The sensation startled him awake and he jumped up gasping. He scanned his surroundings, unsure of what he just experienced.

“A blissful dream turned into yet another nightmare,” he groaned.

He paused, reaching out for his phone to check the date. Both his jaw and phone dropped at the repeated date.

“No way,” he muttered. He shook his head, refusing to believe what was happening. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

He racked his brain for any plausible explanations. Surely this was another dream. A dream within a dream. Or maybe he’d finally lost it and was hallucinating everything. Believing in the latter, he made up his mind to finally go to the therapist Chanhee had been bugging him to go to. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes to head out. He paused when his hand grabbed the door.

“Surely it won’t happen again… right?” he wondered out loud.

To his surprise, you were there again on the other side of the door when he opened it. Trying to figure out what was going on, he slammed the door shut and froze. Outside, you blinked at the door in your face. Puzzled at your boyfriend’s behavior, you knocked.

Inside, Changmin flinched at the sudden noise. He was bewildered and beyond confused. This had to be a joke. Or a dream. Or a hallucination. How could you be real? There was no way you were actually back.

Or maybe, it was his chance to set things right. Maybe, if he did everything right, he could prevent your death. The idea sounded ingenious and insane to him. Taking a leap of faith, he flung the door back open and gazed at you. Still skeptical, he extended his hand out to hold yours. It felt warm, unlike the last time he held it in the rain. He wanted to cry in both shock and joy. He swallowed the lump rising in his throat and took the groceries from you.

“Are you okay, baby?” you asked, following him inside.

“I’m okay as long as you’re with me,” he said in a shaky voice.

You chuckled as you began to organize the groceries just like you did the day before.

“Are you going to the studio to practice today as well?” you asked, opening a small carton of milk.

Changmin stared at the milk you offered again. So many thoughts ran through his head as he tried to understand the situation. He determined that this was a blessing. He was given an opportunity to go back in time and change things. To save you.

“Let’s go watch a movie today,” he said.

He thought out and planned the rest of the day. He would sneak out in the middle of the movie to go buy a present for you. Using the excuse of an upset stomach, he went and bought a necklace he had been eyeing for months. It was quite expensive so he had saved up little by little and now he could finally afford to give it to you.

With the corner of his eye, he saw a couple looking at the ring section together. As if caught in a trance, he found himself walking towards the engagement rings. He gaped at the endless options of diamonds that sparkled as bright as your eyes. He bit his lip, contemplating if he should buy a ring as well. He initially wanted to wait until you both graduated but graduation never came for you. It was one of the biggest regrets of his life.

So he carefully took a look at the rows of rings until he saw one that immediately felt like it was meant for you. He quickly asked the worker to help him with his purchase and ran back into the theater to finish the rest of the movie with you.

You didn’t suspect a thing until he took the necklace out after lunch and put it on for you. You beamed at the surprise gift, eager to show him yours. Shyly, you retrieved the couple ring from your purse.

“It’s a promise ring meant for your pinky,” you explained as you slid it onto his finger. “A promise to always love and appreciate each other.”

He smiled at how proud you looked.

“See?” you showed him the ring on your own pinky.

“I love it,” he held his hand next to yours, admiring the view. “But uh I actually have a ring for you as well.”

With his heart pounding, he pulled out the square box and stood up. He took a deep breath before getting down on one knee, making you gasp. You felt tears brimming your eyes as he opened the box to reveal the diamond ring.

Watching proposal videos had always made you cringe. You didn’t get why people would cry. But in that moment, it all made sense when you found yourself unable to verbally reply. As a college student, you never expected him to propose. Sure, you had thought of marrying him but that seemed like such a faraway idea. You knew Changmin would always be in your future and didn’t see yourself marrying anyone else but him. So you managed to nod before he placed the ring on your finger.

“I know the timing may seem premature but with you, I want to have the courage to do what my heart desires. I want to see you walk down the aisle towards me. I want to show the world that I’m yours. I want to spend our honeymoon at Bora Bora and have two kids together. I want to raise a dog with you, just like you always dreamed of. I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he confessed.

After hearing his words, you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore. He embraced you in his arms and you buried your face into his chest as you sniffled. Resting his chin on your head, he wished time would stop. All he wanted was to stay in this moment forever.

By the time night approached again, he made sure to keep you away from the street and from any vehicles. You wondered why he was being so overprotective and clinging onto you. He didn’t offer an explanation and just gave you a nervous smile.

Looking at his watch, he let out a deep breath when he saw that it was almost 11 PM. His leg shook anxiously as he held your hand tighter. You had insisted on enjoying the sounds of the city in the rain so you two were sitting at a random bus stop.

All of a sudden, the cry of a child was heard. You turned around to see a little girl who seemed to be lost. You stood up to go help but Changmin sat you back down.

“You stay here. I’ll go,” he said, feeling uneasy.

While he brought the little girl to the bus stop to avoid the rain, a young boy caught your attention. He was playing with a ball and you wanted to warn him to be careful. Before you could open your mouth, however, he dropped the ball and ran into the street to get it back. You panicked, seeing a motorcycle speeding towards the kid.

You ran out to pull the child back but was hit instead. Changmin’s heart dropped at the sound of the collision. When he turned back to find you, you were laying on the wet ground with blood pooling around you. Seeing you die for the third time wasn’t any less traumatic. In fact, it broke him even more. He hated himself for letting it happen again.

“Y/n, please please wake up,” he begged as he held your face in his hands. “You can’t leave me. Not again. I promised myself that I would change your fate. Y/n, please!”

Every time Changmin woke up, that day repeated itself. And each time, he would try to keep you alive. But no matter how hard he tried, that cursed time of 11:11 always ended his brief time with you with the same outcome.

When he kept you inside, you fell down the stairs. When he tried to make you sleep by tucking you in early, you never woke up. Thinking it was Seoul that was the problem, he even took you down to Busan. Paranoid, he even spent the whole day and night with you at his place. But every time the clock hit 11:11, the inevitable would occur and he would wake up to repeat it once again.

The seventh time he awoke to the same day, he screamed in frustration.

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” he yelled out.

He cried into his sleeves, wondering if this was his punishment for being unable to save you. While he wallowed in grief, he heard you knock on his door. He wiped away his tears and got up to greet you. Oblivious to his mood, you walked in and opened the refrigerator like you did the previous times.

“Are you going to the studio to practice today as well?” you asked, opening a small carton of milk.

“Let’s just stay in today. I’ll cook you something,” he bitterly smiled when he saw that the engagement ring was no longer on your finger.

He rummaged through his kitchen, looking for ingredients. You sat down next to the counter and watched as he made you kimchi fried rice. You enjoyed watching him cook. He didn’t do it often because he wasn’t very confident about his skills but you loved the gesture. You thought it was cute when he had that concentrated look he usually saved for dancing.

After lunch, you spent the next few hours watching movies. You had eventually noticed how sad he was. You looked over at your boyfriend who seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts. Mustering up some bravery, you proposed watching a horror movie. You knew it was his favorite genre but didn’t watch scary movies with him often because you got scared easily. Slightly surprised by your suggestion, he agreed and let you choose one of the recommended movies on Netflix.

At every jump scare, you snuggled closer to him. Throughout the whole film, you clung onto his arm and he comforted you by stroking your head. Treasuring the time he got to spend with you, he allowed himself to feel at ease for a bit.

For dinner, you convinced him to go out to eat. On the way back, he lured you into a gift shop, kicking himself for not preparing a present ahead of time. While you were busy looking at the dolls, he managed to pick out a bracelet and slid it into his pocket after secretly paying for it. He knew it would be gone when the day reset and dreaded having to see your listless body again later.

When you two returned back to his place, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. He wanted to savor every second he was able to spend with you. Noticing his gaze, you stared at him back, bringing a smile to his face. You poked his dimple, laughing at his expression.

“So I got you a little something. I hope you didn’t think that I forgot our anniversary,” he said as he put it on your wrist.

Smiling, you took out the gift you had prepared.

“It’s a promise ring meant for your pinky,” you said as you slid the ring onto his finger. “A promise to always love and appreciate each other.”

“See?” you revealed the ring on your own finger.

After hearing those words for the nth time, he finally broke down. He began to bawl, catching you off guard. For a few minutes, he wept as you tried to soothe him.

“Okay, spill. What’s been bothering you all day, Changmin?” you demanded.

He sighed, knowing what he was about to say was insane. He didn’t want to scare you but it all came out as word vomit.

“I’ve been reliving this day multiple times. I know it sounds crazy—it is crazy—but I was sent back in time. It’s actually supposed to be a year from now, a day after today. But instead, I’m stuck in this endless loop trying to save you. You died, Y/n. You died a year ago and you keep dying again and again! I thought I was given this opportunity because of all the regrets I had. The day you died, I was a complete jerk and you got into an accident after we argued. I blamed and resented myself. I had so many “what if’s” and “if only’s” that it tormented me,” he paused to catch his breath.

“I thought I had to repeat this day until I successfully prevented your death but nothing’s working. I can’t change things!” he cried. “I’ve tried over and over and over again. I’ve tried keeping you away from the street, taking you out of the city, and even locking us up in this damn apartment and nothing’s working! Every time 11:11 comes around, the same conclusion happens.”

You sat in silence, unsure of how to process all the information he just threw at you. He was way too emotional for this to be a joke and too upset for it to be unreal. But at the same time, you wanted it to be fake. You didn’t want to believe it. You were still so young. You had hopes and dreams you had yet to achieve. You wanted to crumble but you couldn’t bear to do so after seeing how heartbroken Changmin was. After thinking for some time, you finally spoke up.

“Maybe you were given a chance not to save me but to let me go,” you said quietly. ”You said you regretted the day I died. Maybe this is your chance to get closure. Send me off in peace. Find peace yourself.”

“No. No way. I’m not letting you leave me again. Not after all I’ve been through,” he said, desperately hugging you. “I finally get to hold you in my arms again. It’s okay if I have to relive this day forever. As long as I can see you, I’m okay with that.”

“Changmin...” your heart broke at the sight of his crestfallen face.

You let him keep his tight hold on you. He was so afraid you’d disappear again that he refused to let you or himself fall asleep. You looked at the clock and saw that the time was approaching.

“Baby, you know you can’t. I’m not coming back to life. I can’t. That’s not how the world works. We were blessed to have the chance to say our final goodbyes. Not everyone gets that. We’re lucky. We get to remind each other of how much we love each other and I get to tell you that I want you to be happy even if I’m not by your side. I’ll still be with you. In your heart. As long as you keep me there,” you pulled away to meet his eyes. “I don’t want you to be miserable without me. I want you to live your life to the fullest. Let me live vicariously through you.”

“But I have so many things I want to do with you. So many things I never got to say to you,” he stammered.

“Nobody gets to fulfill all their desires,” you smiled sadly. “Just know that I know how you feel. I know that you love me. I know that you want to grow old together. I know that you want to see mini me and mini you. I do too. I’m so sorry I won't be able to do that with you.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks. Admitting it out loud made it feel real.

“You have no idea how badly I want to walk down that aisle with you. I want to live happily ever after while bickering with you. I want to see you dance and I want to succeed in my own career. I hardly lived over two decades but you made me so happy for most of it. I’m glad I got to love you. It’s a shame I won’t get to get my degree after studying so hard but there are bigger regrets. Like wishing I had spent more time with you. Wishing we took more trips together.”

Changmin looked at you with a pained expression. He wished that he had taken more pictures with you. That he had gone on more dates with you. That he made you laugh more.

“I guess we were given this opportunity in exchange for all of that. At least now I’ll get to leave knowing that I’m loved and that you know I love you. Our last day wasn’t spent arguing but hugging,” you pointed out.

The two of you lain wordlessly on his bed. The only sound was the clock on his wall ticking.

“Can you tell my family that I love them? And my friends too. I wish I could say goodbye to everyone but that would be greedy of me,” you said wistfully.

At his silence, you turned to look at him. When you saw the guilt on face, you sat up and beckoned for him to do the same. You glanced at the clock, taking note of the time.

“Ji Changmin, I love you. Thank you for making me the happiest girl in the world,” you smiled with tears in your eyes. “While we make promises with this ring, can you also promise me another thing?”

You waited for him to nod before continuing.

“Promise me that you won’t blame yourself for anything and that you’ll move on. I want you to have all the extra happiness I’ll miss out on. I’ll be expecting you to lead a fruitful life for my sake too,” you held out your pinky, waiting for him to wrap his around yours.

“It’s okay if I start to fade out of your memory over the years,” you added. “I’ll understand when my face starts to become fuzzy to you. I’ll even understand when you get married and have kids. I’ll be your kids’ godmother and look out for them. I can’t wait to see little baby Ji’s.”

“But I don’t want that if it’s not with you…” he whispered.

“Don’t be silly. You’re still young and have the rest of your life ahead of you. I’ll be mad if I’m the one that’s holding you back. Now, hurry up and promise me. My arm’s hurting,” you shook your pinky at him, urging him to lock fingers together.

It tore him apart but he shakily held out his hand to make his promise. More tears escaped his eyes each time he blinked.

11:05.

Changmin held your tear-stained cheeks in his hands, staring into your eyes. You hated the sad look in his own eyes but knew yours was the same. He hated the ominous feeling that predicted that this would be his last time in the loop. Now that he came to terms with the fixed ending, he would be freed from his desperate desire for a different outcome.

“Thank you, Y/n, for teaching me what love is. From when I first met you up until now, there hasn’t been a single moment that I didn’t cherish. I love you. I love you so so much. I spent the past year unable to forget you and I never will. I’m going to believe that you’ll be watching over me and I’m going to make you proud. I’m going to experience both my and your share of happiness. So don’t worry about me. I won’t be able to follow you soon but I’ll join you up there one day. Please wait for me.”

“I may be your first love but I certainly don’t hope I’ll be your last. Instead, I hope that I’ll be your endless love,” you hummed, feeling drowsy.

“Of course,” he affirmed. “I love you, Y/n.”

“I love you too, Changmin.”

Changmin awoke feeling oddly comforted. The sun was shining through the window again and his apartment didn’t feel as empty for some reason. He eyed his phone and hesitantly picked it up. He was filled with mixed emotions when he saw that the year was finally set back to the present.

Out of habit from the past week, his eyes lingered on the door. You weren’t going to come knocking again but you also weren’t going to die again. You were finally sent off in peace.

His phone vibrated, notifying him of Chanhee’s daily text message. Chanhee was a persistent one as well.

Changmin decided to reply and asked him to grab breakfast together, which earned him an immediate “yes”. He told his friend to invite Sunwoo as well and got up to get ready for an outing for the first time in a long time. This was his first step in the healing process.

a/n: tbh i kinda cried writing this. i hope you cried too hehe also idk if you noticed but the line “endless love” is actually from the boyz’s “priority”. i really like that phrase and it’s been stuck in my head ever since the song came out

[xneens]

i do

Warning: language, major character death, violence, angst

Word count: 3.4k

Summary: Soulmate AU where the last words you will ever hear from your soulmate is written on your wrist so you won't know it's them until you've lost them.

Staring at the words on your wrist, you held back another sigh, tracing the black ink with your finger, dread and sadness washing over you. You shuddered at the words, unable to rid of the lump in your throat.

I do.

Born with the words on your wrist, no one knew when they would meet their soulmates, unknown to who your other half was until they died. It was cruel, knowing the last thing they'll say to you would cause you immense pain. Horror stories stemmed from the agonies of other's pain, movies made out of the tales that would become famous.

Some, those who were protective of their hearts, buried themselves away from others, but fate always led them to their soulmate. No matter how short the time would be stretching from the duration of your life to a single second before you'd lose them. The best outcome to happen was when two lovers let go, and spend their lives together, to die at when they were to, finding out they had spent their lives with their one and only. That possibility was becoming more and more realistic with modern technology and wishful thinking.

Yet, there was some tragedies. The unfortunate ones would have their sentences written on their wrist, knowing they'd only know their soulmate for a short time, or not at all. “It's nice to meet you.” "What's your name?" "Can I get your number?" "Sounds like a date." Not knowing them at all was, to most, was worse than to know them at all.

A few rare situations when your soulmate would die young. Parents told horror stories, reading the words off their kid's wrist. "We're playing dodgeball in gym!" "I didn't do my math homework." "You can come to my birthday party. I'm turning seven next week!"

Then there were the most terrifying stories. They were the ones turned into thrillers, a real life story turned into a disrespectful horror movie. They'd lose each other, aware there was nothing they could do. "I thought you locked the door." "I don't think we're alone." "Behind you!" "Someone's in the house."

Thankful none of the situations applied to you, you still couldn't get the words branded in your wrist out of your head. It lingered, whispering the last words before your heart would be torn, only healed when death came for you. Some looked on the positive side, knowing meeting their soulmate was inevitable.

Natasha broke you out of your reverie as she tackled you down on the mat, leaving you breathless at the sudden attack, confused to how you've become acquaintances with the ground. You spit your hair out, grimacing in disgust as a few strays stuck to your lips. With your hands tied behind your back, and crushed against the former assassin's body, you turned your attention on her smug smile, glaring daggers.

"Okay, get off before Tony pictures us scissoring again." you grunted, too tired to push her off of you. Natasha laughed, letting your wrists go as she shifted her weight off of you, sitting next to you on the thick mat. You rolled onto your back, closing your eyes in exhaustion. "That was unnecessary, Nat."

Spending the day at the gym with Natasha seemed like a good idea after being beaten by Clint the day before. You knew you were getting rusty, without all the life threatening missions and people to save, your skills wasn't needed. Besides, you loved yourself too much for Steve to convince you to join him on his suicide runs. He woke up before the sun rose, and it only took a few runs to realize that even you couldn't keep up with his fast pace. ("Although, I would love to see his fast pace in the bedroom. Ow, Sam!")

After tying the score—despite the lack of training, you and Natasha still tied when it came to hand to hand combat—you had sat down on the bench, which was now sweaty, and sulked, sighing over the words written on your wrist.

Natasha rolled her eyes, leaning on her elbows as she eyed your expression, eyes narrowing when you didn't return her smile. "What's with the sad face? Are you thinking about your soulmate mark again?"

"You know I only allow myself to think about it once every other month." you replied. Natasha made a noise in respond but you ignored it. "Shut up, I know I'm pathetic. No need to voice your opinions."

"You're not pathetic, just compassionate." she whispered, her eyes sparkling with remembrance. Natasha had lost her soulmate on a mission a few years before the Avengers were formed, but it didn't stop her from living her life. You hoped you could follow her path when the horrid time came. "Out of curiosity, if you had to guess, do you think you've met your soulmate by now?"

You've given it much thought, coming up with a good theory that even Tony Stark would be impressed by. Of course, you didn't share it with anyone, giving Nat the simplified version of it. "With the amount of people I've met, I like to think so."

The playful smirk returned to her lips, a wiggle of her eyebrows as she digested your words. "And do you think a certain blond, big-hearted, super soldier might be it?"

You reached for the nearest water bottle, throwing it at her only to have it hit the wall behind her as she dodged it. Natasha laughed, putting distance between you, sensing an attack. You scowled at her but it lacked real annoyance. "Oh my, God. I have, like, the smallest crush on him and you're already planning our children's proms."

"I'm thinking: under the sea." Natasha joked, grinning when the corner of your lips curled up. The both of you burst out laughing, thinking about Natasha in a ridiculous kid-friendly dress as she chaperoned yours and Steve's future offsprings.

As if summoned, Steve chose that moment to enter the training room, freezing in his tracks when he saw you and Natasha cackling. His expression made Natasha double back into another round of laughter while yours subsided in giggles. Steve cleared his throat, looking down as a slight blush decorated his face.

He murmured your name, walking up towards you, his blue eyes eyeing the ground with too much interest. "Did you hear about the party Tony is making all of us go to?"

Natasha stopped laughing immediately, jaw clenching at Tony's betrayal. They had a truce where Natasha would stop hacking into his system to play Spice Girls—with the help of Bruce, of course—and Tony was to stop throwing parties every month. It's been three months since the last party, the one where Natasha has almost killed the billionaire. Tony couldn't hold off any longer. She stood. "I'm going to kill him."

Before either of you could get a word in, Natasha was already out the door, her stance deadly as Tony Stark awaited his death. The door slammed close behind her as Steve sat down beside you on the mat, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

You admired his ruffled hair, blond strands hanging down on his forehead. You had mentioned to him that he looked sexier with his long hair, and it seemed like he was following your advice. Dressed in a simple black t-shirt and gray sweatpants, Steve Rogers was every girl's waking fantasy. It truly was unfair how good he could look in sweats.

"Hey." you greeted, smiling sweetly at him. Being happy around Steve was as easy as giving Pepper Potts presents. He returned the smile, grinning from ear to ear as he looked away, his cheeks reddening even more. "What can I do for you, Stevie?"

"Thor wanted to have some kind of Asgardian contest that may or may not level the top floor. I thought you might want to do something else, have a peaceful night instead of risking our lives to one of Thor's games?" he asked sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Not letting excitement cloud your senses, you grew cautious, eyes narrowing as you looked around the room, trying to search for a hidden camera that would allow Tony to get you back from ruining his thousand-dollar crocs. Steve Rogers was not asking you out in no way.

Steve saw your expression, quickly backing off. "Only if you want to. I'm sure you missed Thor and all. It's okay, I can suffer a few third degree burns—"

"No!" you shouted, making Steve flinch at the suddenness. You cleared your throat, cheeks heating up. "Uh, I mean, yeah. I wouldn't mind missing the party. Where did you plan on going?"

Slightly surprised, a smile crept on his lips. He ran a hand across his face to hide the cheeky grin. "Wherever you want to go."

You threw him a smile, unhealthily giddy. If Clint were here to comment, he'd compare you to a happy school girl with a massive crush. "Oh. Okay."

A voice interrupted the short silence, scaring both you and Steve. You suspected the AI, Friday, had been invested in your conversation. "If I may make a suggestion, I advise you both to leave sometime in the next hour before Mr. Stark ropes you in. I'm inclined to think Mr. Stark won't be above blackmail."

"Thank you, Friday." you murmured. The AI said it's goodbye, far too amused for your liking.

Steve got up, offering his hand for you. Both of you were smiling like idiots, cheeks hurting from the too-big smiles that adorned your faces. You had a suspicion you somewhat embodied a clown. The super-solider kept his hand wrapped around yours. "Would you like to leave at this moment, or get changed?"

You shook your head, liking the warmth of his touch. "I'm good. Let's leave."

Steve Rogers was a gentleman, that was confirmed by his acts and the influence of being raised right. Despite that fact, he was a savage in the bedroom. Or half the time, out of the bedroom. You had been surprised, yet pleased, when you fell into his bed halfway through the second unofficial date. After that night, Steve finally built the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend—a term he found silly but otherwise a happy milestone.

After years of being friends, Steve was ready to begin the rest of your lives together. No one was surprised, besides you, that he had proposed three months after the first official date. Being head over heels, you excitedly agreed, only to blanch when Tony started a petition to let him plan the wedding with you. Pepper had stopped him.

No one knew what happened the night of Thor's and Tony's party. Though, Steve made a smart choice to ditch it when you both found a floor of the tower littered with blackened metals and slightly burnt walls. The team wouldn't speak of the incident, not that neither you or Steve cared. You had both been too jubilant to interrogate them.

The wedding day came. Steve had been stopped by Thor, failing to sneak into the room you were in. No matter how strong he was, Thor wouldn't allow any bad luck to happen especially after you had lied to him about naming your firstborn after him. Steve tried, and failed, to tell him you weren't going to name his son after the God of Thunder. Bucky was too busy arguing with Sam about the flower decoration to help out Thor.

Dressed in the lavender bridesmaid dress, Natasha burst into the room, a smile adorning her face. She had thanked you multiple times for not dressing her in those ugly dresses she had seen on Pinterest. "You getting cold feet yet?"

"Mine are toasty warm." you mumbled, hands trembling at the thought of declaring your love in front of a crowd. You wondered if it was too late to get ear plugs so no one would hear all the gooey, cheesy vows you would utter to Steve.

"Very convincing." Natasha teased, taking a shot of the wine laid out on the table. Placing the flute down, she eyed the door, prepared to attack Steve if he managed to get away from Thor. "Alright, what're you worried about?"

You bit your lip, messing up the fresh layer of lip gloss Pepper had put on. Glancing out the window, you saw the crowd settling down in there chairs. The anxiety built up inside you. "Um, falling down the aisle. Accidentally saying the wrong name. Messing up in my vows. Dying of embarrassment."

"You'll be great, I promise. No one's going to die. You won't trip because Tony wouldn't let you. You won't say the wrong name because Steve's is practically implanted in your brain and you'll be too busy staring into his ocean blue eyes that you won't mess up. Now, are you still worried?" she asked, laughing when you managed to trip over your wedding dress.

"If anything, Tony's going to purposely trip me." you muttered, tempted to take a swig of some liquid courage, but the fetus in you held you back. The ceremony would start soon, and being too nervous, you hadn't eaten any breakfast. It was probably a good thing considering the nausea you were feeling. Why call it morning sickness when it didn't happen in the morning?

"You're being paranoid, everything will be great." she sighed, turning to the window, staring directly at the green hybrid. The Bruce and Natasha thing was unsurprising but kind of weird, especially with the whole sex thing. You had gagged at the thought of Bruce trying to fit inside of Natasha, and stopped altogether. "I'll be right back, I gotta do something."

She left the room before you could address her, groaning when she left a tiny crack in the door. Natasha knew how much it annoyed you when people left the door open when you originally had it closed. Heaving a sigh, you went to close the door, only to be met by a small force. Steve stuck his head through opening, his worried frown turning into a dazzling grin as he spotted you.

Without a word, he took you in his arms, his hand cupping your cheek as he pressed a quick kiss on your lips. You smiled into the kiss, closing the door behind him as your arms wrapped around his neck.

You pulled away, wiping the lip gloss smeared across his lips. Steve did the same, smirking at his handy work. "Hello, Mrs. Rogers. How do you feel?"

"Like I want to tangle myself around you in every way possible." you whispered, pressing another kiss to his lips. Steve chuckled, his thumb drawing small circles on your back. "How about you, Husband?"

"I've been waiting for this day for a very long time. You can't imagine how jovial I am." said Steve. He gave your nose a quick peck, and you giggled. "I know it's suppose to be bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony but I couldn't bear it."

Giggling, you pulled him closer, your lips meeting his neck as you sucked softly at the sensitive skin. "Hmm, I can't wait until I'm officially yours. Do you think we have time for a quickie? It'd really help with my wedding nerves."

Steve laughed, but the sound came out a little breathless. Even with the thickness of the wedding gown, you could feel him on your hip, smirking when he shifted. "While that's a very tempting offer, both Natasha and Pepper would kill me for ripping apart this beautiful dress."

"But Steve—" your whine was cut off by Natasha pulling Steve out of your arms.

The redhead glared at him, pushing him towards the opened door. "You, out, now."

"I'll see you—" Steve began to say, only to be cut off when the door slammed in his face. Natasha turned to turn her death stare on you.

"Look at your makeup. I can't believe he snuck in here with Thor on his ass." Natasha complained, pushing you towards the vanity, quickly applying the tube of lip gloss on your lips. You blinked back the tears as she practically poke your eye with the mascara wand, trying to fix Steve's touch on your slightly smeared mascara. "You look like you're going to puke."

You shook your head, taking a deep breath. "I'm good. Where's Tony?"

"Right here." he answered, entering with a velvet box in his hand. The billionaire set it down on the vanity before eyeing your stance. "Wow, you look ..."

"Like I'm gonna throw up all over Steve's suit?" you finished, panic rising.

"I was going to say gorgeous but now that you mention it, you do look a little green." he teased, earning himself a nudge from Natasha. Tony rubbed his ribs. "If you want to ditch, I have the car running in case you want to make a quick getaway."

You rolled your eyes, wishing you hadn't let him talk you into such a big wedding. All you wished at the moment was to take Steve with you and elope. "Thanks for the offer but I'm good. Let's get this over with."

"And here I thought you weren't romantic." Tony joked, handing you the bouquet of flowers.

Natasha checked her watch, the music audible. Morgan, the flower girl was already walking down the aisle along with Pepper's nephew on her heels. The former assassin opened the door, grinning. "Wait a few seconds before you follow me."

And with that, she walked down the short hall before stepping outside, the aisle was cleared by flowers adorning the sides. Weeping willow branches hung down from the huge tree, creating an illusion of fantasy, the little arch at the end of the aisle was created of leaves and even more colorful flowers. You were surprised no one was sneezing with the amount of pollen.

You took Tony's arm, taking another deep breath. Looking at him, you swore he was a bit proud. He smiled at you. "I hope you know I take full credit for the union of your two souls."

Ignoring his mini jab, you raised an eyebrow. "And how so?"

"There was never a party." he informed, grinning cheekily. He pulled you towards the opened door, walking down the hall. "I made it all up so Rogers would get the balls to finally ask you out."

"Then what the hell happened to the tower?" you asked, confused. People were beginning to stand but your curiosity became more important than your nerves.

Tony winked. "That's for me to know, and for you to dot dot dot."

"God, you're such a nerd." you mumbled, turning your attention ahead as your feet hit the white carpet that moonlighted as the aisle. The nerves began to bubble, and you gripped his arm tighter in fear of falling face first.

The ceremony was a blur, Steve just as nervous as you had been, becoming more and more braver as he spoke his vows. By the end of it, you could barely see him through the tears brimming your eyes. If it wasn't for the waterproof makeup, you were sure you would've cried your face off.

You had just finished your vows when the priest had asked if you would gladly wed the man in front of you for the rest of forever. You whispered a soft "I do."

The priest turned to Steve, the super-soldier happy beyond belief. He asked him the previous question he had asked you. Yet, Steve, being eager, had almost cut him off near the end.

His eyes bored into yours, filled with love and warmth. "I do."

Then everything turned black.

You awoke in the Medbay, needles puncturing your arm, a tube tied to your nose. Every single inch of your skin hurt, your eyelids heavy as you opened your eyes, only to close them once again when the bright fluorescents shone. You felt someone squeeze your hand, a finger brushing along your wrist.

Turning your head, you glance at the person, finding out it was Tony. While he was relieved you were awake, something in his eyes made you believe he wished he had more time to prepare you for the worst. At the moment he uttered those words, you wished your ears had been damaged in whatever hell Hydra had dropped on your wedding.

"Steve's dead."

[90spumkin]

Invisible

Request:  hi can you please do a spencer reid x bau fem reader and can it based on the song invisible by 5sos where the reader feels like she is invisible because everybody talks over her and trips her and nobody does anything.also they hate her besides spencer, rossi, penelope and hotch and they hate her because of jj because she is jealous of how the reader and spencer are close together so one day the reader gets kidnapped and is forced to read her song journal or her journal.so spencer gets mad at the team when they try to confront him

A/N: I really hope this is what you were looking for when you made the request. I hope it’s not absolute trash. Thank you for the request anon! The song that was apart of the request is Invisible by 5 Seconds of Summer

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAU! Reader

Warnings: slight swearing, angst I think, description of torture 

Word Count: 1875

It was a nice sunny day in Virginia, one of its less humid days. That should be a sign it was going to be a good day, right? Wrong, y/n had a bad gut feeling it was going to be a very bad day. Worse than normal.

Y/n was sitting in the BAU parking garage watching a few people from her team walk in the building. Emily, JJ, and Morgan were genuinely nice people…except to y/n. They hadn’t always been rude or distant towards her that just started up recently, and y/n knew why. She took a deep breath and exited her car, making her way inside the same way the others had.

She knew her gut feeling was right as soon as she walked through the double glass doors. She tried to make a beeline for her desk, keeping her head low to avoid eye contact. Things didn’t go as planned.

Y/n tripped over a box of files bumping into Morgan who bumped into Emily who spilled coffee all down the front of her white blouse. Y/n instantly started to panic, “Oh my God, Emily I am so sorry! I’ll get some towels!”

Emily gritted her teeth and just said, “Don’t!”, she stormed off grabbing her go bag to change out of her now ruined blouse. Morgan just huffed and made his way to his desk.

Y/n made it to her desk finally with no other accidents. She sat down and put her head in her hands trying to choke back a sob. She felt a presence next to her but didn’t look up till she felt a hand on her shoulder, “Y/n are you okay?”

She looked up to see Spencer Reid standing before her with a worried look on his face. She gave him a small smile. He didn’t seem convinced due to the worry line between his eyebrows deepening. They stared at each other a little longer than what was probably necessary. JJ got their attention by walking by waving files and announcing, “We’ve got a case.”

Y/n saw JJ pause and look at Spencer’s hand on her shoulder and gave y/n a quick glare before continuing her way to the round table room. Spencer moved his hand and started to trail behind JJ while having a conversation with Morgan. He glanced back over his shoulder to make sure she was following and when he went to wait for her, she shook her hand urging him on without her.

Why was it so hard to push him away? She knew the others no longer liked her because of how close the two of them had gotten. They felt as if she was stealing Spencer from them when all she wanted was to be friends with them all. She let out the second sigh of the day and made her way to the briefing, falling in step with Hotch and Rossi who both gave her a warm smile.

The briefing went by in a flash. It was a whirlwind of information and thoughts being bounced back and forth, and like always y/n’s insight was overlooked. The flight went by just as fast. After going over the files and new information from the bubbly Garcia, y/n had gone to sit at the back of the plane. The entire time ignoring Spencer’s worried glances.

Once they arrived at their destination, the team split off to do their assignments given by Hotch. Y/n was with Spencer putting together the victimology. The whole time she felt his eyes on her, but she never said a word hoping some how she would become invisible to him like she was to the others.

She didn’t realize how much time had passed when they got a call from Hotch telling them they were closer to the warehouse Garcia had said belong to one of the suspects. They grabbed their vest and took off as fast as humanly possible.

The warehouse was a dark and looming building and y/n felt the hairs on her neck stand up. Spencer walked around the SUV and said, “There’s no time to wait for the others we’re going to have to split up. Meet me in the back, okay?” She nodded and went to scope out the left side of the build, but Spencer grabbed her hand and search her eyes for a moment before giving her hand a quick squeeze and letting go.

She crept around the building, gun aimed and eyes looking for any sign of movement. She thought she heard something behind her, but when she turned, she was met with absolutely nothing. She turned to continue her way towards the back of the building, and that’s when everything went black.

Y/n woke with an ache on the left side of her head and she was pretty sure there was blood running down her face. She was tied to a chair in a big empty room with a light fixture hanging above her. Once her eyes fully focused, she realized there was a camera aimed towards her and man standing behind it.

“Ah you’re awake. Time to have some fun.”, his voice was raspy like he smoked 50 packs of cigarettes a day. Y/n knew the unsub liked to toy with his victims, she saw all the videos in the time before the call from Hotch. He was going to torture her darkest thoughts and deepest secrets from her. Y/n’s lips tingled, and her stomach twisted into knots.

“I know you know what’s about to happen, but I found something that’s going to make this a little more interesting.”, the unsub walked around the camera showing it the journal he held in his hand.

----

Spencer was absolutely frantic, there was no other way to describe it. He felt so stupid for splitting up from y/n. It was his fault she was kidnapped, and it was his fault they were seeing her on the screen. The others were rushing around and he could hear them talking to Garcia trying to figure out where he was keeping her.

On the screen the unsub was waving around a book and Spencer could see the pleading in y/n’s eyes. At the sound of the smack that went across y/n’s face everyone stopped.

“You’re going to read this so your little team watching this really knows what you think of them.”, the unsub was gripping y/n’s jaw tightly. She shook her head viciously which landed another smack across her already bruised cheek.

Tears stung Spencer’s eyes and he said, “We need to find her now!”. JJ put her hand on his arm trying to calm him, but he shrugged it off, “Don’t touch me.”

He turned back towards the screen at the sound of y/n’s broken voice, “Um the first part is part of a song. No one sees me I fade away, lost inside a memory of someone's life It wasn't mine Just me and my shadow and all of my regrets Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself? Who am I? Who am I? Invisible Wasted days, dreaming of the times I know I can't get back.”. She stopped reading which earned her a cut down the side of her neck, she let out an ear shattering scream. Spencer turned away and looked at Hotch begging him for something. Hotch just shook his head, they don’t have a clue where he was keeping her.

Y/n continued reading but Spencer could no longer watch so he listened, “I never meant to upset anyone. I wanted to belong; I want to be everyone’s friend. I guess I became friends with the wrong person first. JJ was the first to become my friend, but when I told her- when I told her I was crushing on a certain young doctor, that’s when she decided to make my life a living hell. I’m invisible now. My thoughts don’t matter, I don’t matter. I no longer know why I try.”

Y/n stopped and started to beg not to read anymore. Spencer couldn’t move, he could only glare at the woman who claimed to be his best friend. She knew he had feeling for y/n and yet she chose to be cruel to her and keep them apart.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Garcia’s voice through the speakers of the tablet laying on the table telling them she has an address of the unsub’s parent’s lake house. Just like that the team stormed out of the police station in a blur of grim faces and vests.

----

With every word she read, y/n felt as if acid was being poured down her throat. She had paused once again and this time the unsub slammed the journal shut in anger and aggravation.

“That’s it I’m bored.”, and before she knew it there was a rope around her throat and her lugs were burning as she gasped for breath. Her vision began to blur, and darkness was surrounding her mind. Before she passed out, she heard a shout ring out and saw a flash of blonde hair.

When y/n woke up she winced in pain and at the fluorescent lights above her. She let out a groan as she tried to sit up. There was a hand on her shoulder as someone said, “Hey woah take it easy.”

Y/n realized it was JJ and it took everything in her not to flinch away, “What are you doing here?”. There was sadness in the petite blonde woman’s eyes. She glanced down at the floor than back up at y/n as she said, “I’m so sorry for everything that I put you through, what I influenced the others to put you through. I don’t have a good excuse or reason to why I did it, but hearing you saying all those things it broke something in me. Can you ever forgive me?” Tears began to stream down her face as she asked for forgiveness.

Y/n finally saw a glimpse of the woman she had met on her first day at the BAU. She gave her a real smile and nod. Both women let out little chuckles which made the buddle of limbs in the chair in the corner of the room stir. Y/n hadn’t realized Spencer was there asleep. JJ stood to leave saying, “I’ll give you guys some space to talk.”

As soon as Spencer realized y/n was awake he raced to her side mumbling and repeating himself, “I am so so sorry, y/n. I should never have left you.” Y/n grabbed his hands that were clinging to her, “Spencer it’s okay. I’m okay. Nothing that has happened is your fault.”

Spencer turned his head away from her, she brought her hand to his cheek turning him back towards her, “Hey it’s okay I promise.”

“It’s not just that, I didn’t realize how much you were struggling with the others. I want you to know they aren’t going to hurt you anymore, no one will ever hurt you again. I love you, y/n.” He kissed the palm of her hand that was resting on his cheek.

She smiled down at him and she finally felt peace as she said, “I know. I love you too.”

[infernal-fire]

Long Forgotten

I am choosing to not use warnings. Do not read if you are uncomfortable with themes of infidelity, angst, swearing and sexual innuendos. 

Summary: Your Steve isn’t yours anymore and you’re beginning to understand why. 

Word Count: 3.5k

Pairings: Steve x reader and a surprise appearance ;)

Disclaimer: this is set right after Endgame

A/N: this story was inspired by @nsfwsebbie’s fic please don’t take him (even though you can). it was so damn amazing. i thought of how the situation would go under different circumstances, and added a more strong willed reader into the mix  :)

i tried to proofread but im sort of posting in a rush so all mistakes are my own!

(This GIF does not belong to me)

Your head was nestled in the crook of Steve’s neck and his arms were cradling your tired form. Dried tears left your face feeling dry and your up do from the funeral was now tousled. Steve let out a heavy sigh and held you a little tighter. 

You could fall asleep if it weren’t for the looming stress of returning the stones so you decided to bide your time by focusing on the super soldier’s unnaturally slow heartbeat. 

“We should go, sweetheart. They’re waiting for me.” his voice broke the placid silence that had enveloped the room. 

You silently got off the bed and Steve’s hand nudged yours, stopping you from reaching the door. 

He slowly pulled you towards him and you met him halfway, face-to-face.

“I know things aren’t great right now. But we’ll get through this,” he spoke lowly as his large hands cupped your face. They felt rough against your supple skin, but his touch was as tender as ever.

You stared into his eyes for a moment before speaking. "I’ll come with you,” you offered.

“No,” he affirmed. His tone was firm yet a touch of softness was reserved in there somewhere, just for you.

“I love you Y/N. I’ll love you no matter what,” he said as he pulled your head into his chest and engulfed your body into his. 

//

You reached the new, mini version of the previously destroyed time travel contraption Tony made. Sam, Bucky and Professor Hulk were engaging in light conversation that clearly, none of them were interested in. You look up at Steve, who was as tense as ever, clutching your hand like a vice. He let go and glanced back at you before joining Sam. 

You knew deep down that Steve would never be the same anymore. Hell, after the Battle of Wakanda, Steve almost ended the relationship because the Avengers lost.

But the Avengers won this time, and things should feel different. So why did it feel like he was leaving forever? 

You recalled the very short conversation you had with him about Tony’s snap.

 “I should have snapped,” he sobbed. 

“You’ve always been selfless your whole life. This was Tony’s time to be selfless, and you don’t get to take that away from him.” You hugged him and cried with him. 

There was nothing else to be said.

How much you wished no one had to die. 

He stood on the platform and nodded at Bruce before locking eyes with you.

Apologetic. He looked apologetic. 

At the time, you thought he just looked sad. You assumed it was residual sadness from the funeral but looking back, you realized he looked apologetic for what he was about to do. 

Rebuilding your relationship wasn’t easy. Tony and Nat’s death and the trauma of the battle were overshadowing both of your feelings. You salvaged what you could and life returned to a “normal” that never existed. 

Being an Avenger means your living costs are covered by Tony, basically compensating for the missions. Only there weren’t any missions anymore. You were grateful but it meant that you had a lot of time on your hands. 

You took up a job as a waitress and Steve continued running sessions at the VA with Sam. It was humbling to be serving people at a diner after fighting alongside some of Earth’s mightiest heroes. But you needed it. And slowly but steadily, happiness crept its way into the tower. 

You didn’t see Steve around anymore though. You weren’t sure if you were even together anymore, aside from the forehead kisses and lingering glances.

You and Bucky set the table while you heard Sam and Steve banter over who gets to choose the movie today. Bucky chuckled and called them to eat.

There was relentless teasing, jokes being tossed around and big smiles everywhere.

“The nurse had poked him 2 times at this point and there was no blood coming out of him.” Sam laughed. 

“So she asks me if we can do the other arm.” Bucky snorted through breaths of amusement. 

“This guy pulls up his sleeve and the girl faints.” Sam howled as everyone doubled over in laughter. 

You wiped a tear from your eye and you look over at Steve who was laughing as well. It had been a long time since you’ve seen him so happy. 

Sure, he’d been distant. He hadn’t touched you since he came back. It had been 2 months though, and you wondered if you should try again tonight. You put a hand over Steve’s and he snapped his head to you. He gave you a small smile before slipping his hand out from under yours and picking up a napkin.

He needed the napkin, you told yourself. 

You went up to change into something that he might find more appealing. You were torn between the red lace set or the black corset. You settled for the classic red lace and tied on a robe before heading downstairs to tease him a little. 

“You’re going to tell her before you go right?” You heard Sam’s voice and broke your stride to the kitchen. 

“She won’t be happy.” You swore it was Steve’s voice but it was a little too quiet to be sure. You silently padded toward the kitchen, standing right outside the entrance to hear better.

“Of course she won’t be happy. You went back to be with a girl from 70 years ago and spent 4 months with her. You sort of cheated on her Steve.” Bucky’s voice quipped at Steve. 

You couldn’t be hearing right. Steve went back and got together with Peggy?

“It’s not sort of cheating, he almost got married to her,” Sam remarked in rebuttal. 

He almost got married to her. 

He almost got married to her. 

He almost got married to her.

There was so much information to process. Your shoulder sagged with the weight of the news and you cupped your mouth before anyone could hear your sob. 

“But I came back.” Steve countered. 

“Do you love her?” Bucky lowered his voice and inquired. 

“I don’t know anymore.” 

Your chest heaved and eyes burned. You wanted to gasp for air but you knew if you breathed, you would let out the anguish building in your stomach. 

Your back hit the wall and you slid down, not caring if he hears anymore. 

In moments, Steve, Bucky and Sam appear beside you with startled faces. 

You didn’t look at them as you got up and paced to your room. You thought you heard Steve’s voice calling after you but your thoughts pounded and clawed at the insides of your head. You couldn’t be sure and you weren’t going to turn back now. 

He didn’t run after you. You had predicted that he didn’t want to deal with your hysterical crying which surely could be heard past your room walls. When you considered it, this new Steve was actually quite predictable; you knew he wouldn’t bother bringing it up to you until you brought it up yourself. Because he was a coward like that, you decided. All of his actions spoke for themself and the one true motive behind his cheating is cowardice. You don’t know if you would have been okay with him going back to Peggy, but if he talked about it, things not have ended the way they did. 

After 2 days of not leaving your room, you knew that there was a better way to handle this. It wasn’t you who should be embarrassed; instead of sulking, you marched to his room with newfound determination. 

You threw open his door that he didn’t even bother locking. Steve was mid-speech with someone on the phone, seemingly a conversation that wasn’t going his way. He seemed tense, his muscles protruding from the tight white t-shirt pulled over him. 

Your jaw ticked as you shifted your weight onto one foot and rested on the doorframe, waiting for him to end the call. 

“I’m sorry to cut this short. We have a lot to talk about but it’ll have to happen in-person.” he concluded the phone call and sat on the bed with his head in his arms. 

“Seems like you planned it all.” you commented, trying to sound like you didn’t care. In reality, the wound was still very fresh. Even though a part of you had known that the relationship was over for some time now, you were only coming to terms with it now. 

“I wanted to tell you before I left, but you were just so upset and I couldn’t …” he trailed off. 

“All of a sudden you care about me? And now this is somehow my fault that you were too chicken to tell me,” you retorted, unimpressed with his answer.

“I have always cared about you and always will.” He got up and walked towards you. He cupped your face but you pushed his hand off, glaring up at him. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I admit I could’ve handled everything lot better but Y/N. When you told me Tony’s snap was his moment of selflessness, I realized that all I’ve ever done is be selfless. And I don’t regret any of it. But it was time I chose to do something for myself. Then I remembered Peggy and the life I left behind and I just knew this world would be okay without me so I chose to be selfish. I chose to be selfish, Y/n, and I don’t regret that either.” 

You were crying now, and Steve reached to wipe it off, but you smacked his hand. 

“You used to choose me. You woke up everyday and chose us. The day you decided you didn’t want this anymore, you decided you would just go ‘fuck all’ and cheat on me? You couldn’t have ended it like a normal person?” you questioned through your tears. Your vision was foggy but you kept wiping your eyes, trying not let him see your tears.

He sighed and let a few moments stretch on before he answered.  

“We both know that this relationship was over a long time ago Y/N.”

You noted his use of your name and not the usual pet name ‘sweetheart’ or ‘love’. It saddened you even more to think that he doesn’t associate those words with you anymore. 

“You’re a fucking bastard Rogers. You are the biggest coward I have ever met in my life. You may be the Captain America, but you are the biggest wimp in real life.” You could tell he was fuming because of your comment but you continued your spiel. 

“I tried everything to make this work. The moment that the thought of cheating crossed your mind, you should have broken my heart. Because all you did now was rip it out and stomp on it before spitting on the what’s left-”

“I can’t believe you’re standing here accusing me of not trying to make this work. You know what Y/N? I fucking left Peggy because I thought about you and thought I could make this work. And then I came back and remembered all the reasons why this wouldn’t work and now I regret it. I wish I could go back to Peggy.”

“Go fuck yourself Rogers,” you muttered and turned to leave. “Actually, go fuck Peggy’s skeleton Steve. I curse you with every cell in my body. I hope you never get to see her again. I know you’re trying to go back,” you added before wiping you final tear, once and for all. There was no way you were going to shed another tear on this asshole. 

Except, it wasn’t that simple. You did cry over it more, but if there’s anything you did right, it was making sure he never saw your tears. 

You also found that post-break up glow up’s were a real thing. The lack of missions means you didn’t need to see Steve unless you chose to be in the same space as him. So you chose to make new friends and bring new light into your life. There was no dread clouding your judgment because for once, there was no impending threat on the future of Earth. 

You cut your hair, you changed up your wardrobe and got as fit as you’ve ever been. Your friends made frequent stops at the Tower which eventually turned into dragging you into their bar hopping.

On the other hand, Steve was doing everything he could to go back to Peggy, just like you had predicted. You manifested his downfall. Hank Pym refused to let his work fall into the hands of the Avengers and Steve was having a very hard time convincing him otherwise. The final nail in the coffin was when Hank decided that Pym Particles should not be produced anymore. As long as the world didn’t understand the entirety of the quantum realm, no one should have access to something that could mess with it. No arguments could ensue because there was nothing anyone could say to change Hank’s mind.

As much as Bucky and Sam wanted him to go back, they knew he deserved it for everything you were put through. When Steve found that his friends weren’t on the same page as him, he spiraled deeper into regret and depression. There wasn’t much to be done in terms of world-saving, which is what he was made for. The person he thought was the love of his life is gone now. When the dust settled, he realized that you were the only thing that kept him going for so long. But now he lost you too, and there was nothing he could do get you back. 

While you were out living your new life, Steve was trying to find a life for himself. He would see you around the compound and wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth of your love. What he would do to feel that again, he couldn’t explain to anyone. 

Your escapades were at an all-time high. You knew that single life is the life. Just when you finally concluded that all men were trash, Ransom came crashing into your life. Although he only reinforced this belief, this man wasn’t just any trash. He was your trash. 

He was the mutual of your friends and you seemed to never be able to escape him. Moreover, your friends decided that you wouldn’t escape him. 

The teasing and playful banter between you two turned into something more serious about a year after your break-up. Ransom was everything Steve wasn’t. 

Steve was a gentleman. Chivalrous. Gentle. 

Then you reminded yourself that he had proven to you that he wasn’t any of things anymore. Ransom was the exact opposite, but he wore it on his sleeve. After all the lies and cowardice, Ransom’s blunt and bold attitude was exactly what you needed. 

There were moments you found yourself comparing the nature of the two relationships. With Steve, a lot of it was gentle and soft with some roughness around the edges. Life alongside Ransom was nothing short of callous, but that’s why soft, vulnerable moments felt even more extraordinary and special. 

If you made a judgement based off first impressions, someone like Ransom seems to be more likely to cheat than someone like Steve Rogers. Upon deeper analyzation though, Ransom doesn’t have any skeletons in his closet. He doesn’t claim things easily, but when he does, he would go to any length to make sure what’s his, will stay his. Soon after you realized this, you began abandoning thoughts of comparing the two relationships. 

//

There was a party at the Tower for Sam’s birthday. It was the first time in a long time that you were going to be around Steve for longer than 10 minutes. Doubt began seeping through your determination; how well would you fare under the pressure of pretending to be okay around him? 

“Do we have to match, sugar?” Ransom whined from your bathroom. 

“Why would you even go to an event as a couple if you aren’t matching?” you hollered back. 

You heard Ransom grumble as the bathroom door swung open. The emerald green dress shirt with small gold polka dots complemented his eyes so perfectly. Ransom was about to complain again before seeing the look of awe on your face. He decided right then that he could suck it up for the night. 

You were wearing an emerald green cocktail dress with sheer black net covering your shoulders, your sleeves reaching your elbows. The material was different, but the print was the exact same as Ransom’s. He couldn’t help but wonder why you put so much effort into such little things. He made a mental note to do something like this for you another time before wrapping his arms around your frame, burying his face into your face.

“Ran! My hair!” you squealed as you tried to push him off. 

“Usually it’s me that takes this long to get ready. You trying to impress the Captain?” Ransom winked and sat on your bed. 

“Oh fuck off.” you rolled your eyes and added the big bow to your half up hair-do. 

“You look so innocent baby. How angelic would you look with my cum dripping out of your mouth?” he smirked as you dropped your mouth, looking at him through the mirror. 

“My god Ran, this is not the time.” You shook your head and pulled him with you, finally making your way to the party downstairs. 

You were breaking out into cold sweat for some reason. Part of you really wanted to show Steve how happy you were now, but you felt that it meant you weren’t truly over him. Were you making a mistake?

Right before you opened the door the common room where the party was ongoing, Ransom stopped you and looked right into your eyes. 

“You know, as much as I’d like to make your ex jealous, if you don’t want this, I could think of a lot of other ways to spend the night,” he winked and you blushed. This is exactly why you liked him so much. There was no pressure to be anything but yourself around him. Even if you told him you wanted to go back to your room, there would be no judgement on his behalf. He wouldn’t ever bring it up as a joke either, because he just knew what he could and couldn’t joke about. 

“Let’s do this, bubbles” you giggled. He groaned at the nickname and pulled you into his side with one arm, opening the door with the other. 

One of Ransom’s many talents was making an entrance and this event was no exception. As you walked through the entrance, Ransom kept his head high and pulled you along with him. His confidence began rubbing off you and within a few steps, you stopped slouching. Straightening you back and tossing your hair behind your back, you bathed in the glory of the looks you and Ransom were getting. He took you straight to the bar, smiled at you and ordered drinks. 

“You know, your ex was fuming in the corner,” he remarked as he sipped on his drink. 

“No!” you laughed incredulously, unable to imagine Steve begin angry over Ransom’s presence. 

“It’s true, look for yourself,” he calmly retorted. His eyes flicked to a corner of the room and you followed his gaze there. Steve looked away upon seeing you look at him but it was clear that he was flustered. Bucky stood beside him, entertaining a gaggle of girls, but Steve’s attention was clearly elsewhere. 

“He’s actually pretty hot in person, it’s making me jealous” Ransom nonchalantly mentioned. 

You threw your head back and laughed. Your doubts of whether this was a good idea were dissipating very quickly. 

Ransom chuckled and then looked at you intently. You looked back at him, the high of the laugh wearing off because of his intense stare. 

“I think I’m in love with you.” you blurted. 

���You know, I’m glad you said it because I did not want to say it first.” he snickered and you playfully punched him. 

“Ow! I’m just kidding, don’t go all Avengers-mode on me!” he fussed.

You pulled him into a tight hug. He peeled your head away from his chest to cup your face and give you a light kiss before whispering ‘I love you too.’ You started to tear up, thinking of all the pain you had to go through to get this moment of tranquility with your favourite person in the whole, wide world. 

He cooed and kissed your forehead. 

“I always got you.” he assured and pulled your head back into his chest. You smiled and broke away from the hug, sitting back on the bar stool. 

“I think you transferred your lipstick because you have a dark red lip mark on your forehead.” 

You groaned and frantically wiped your forehead. 

“Hey,” he caught your wrist. “Why don’t we go back up and fix that?” His eyes glinted in the dim lights and you giggled like a schoolgirl as he pushed through the crowd.

In that moment, and every moment after it, Steve was long forgotten. 

Fill out the form in my bio or shoot me a message if you want to join my tag list!

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Other tags: @mculibrary @saiyanprincessswanie​

[wizkiddx]

worst case scenario part 5

finally!! so sorry its been an age to anyone still here but lives been interesting atm so....  also this really feels a bit rambley and the ending is deff underdeveloped but I just kind of wanted this done tbh x 

[previous part] [part 1] 

warnings:  hospitals - ICU, ventilation that sort of stuff, just a lot of ANGST post a difficult birth - please don't read if this could be upsetting for you, and my inbox is always open if u wanna chat :) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a complete 360 degree flip from earlier that day, after leaving the hospital Tom had become obsessively attached to Aurora. They’d got back to his parents place in Tom’s car; Aurora in the carseat Y/n and Tom had ready in their car door for her arrival. Clearly his parents had already pre-warned his brothers, who had thankfully already gone over to Tom and Y/n’s - collecting the Moses basket amongst other items Harry had been listed off from his mother. 

Apart from explaining a little behind her name to his parents on the journey back, Tom had spoken very little, choosing to keep himself to himself - physically stationing himself beside the Moses basket the whole time. Of course, there had been a bit of light conversation and almost procedural passing round of Aurora between all her uncles and grandparents, which Tom had kept a wether eye on - but ultimately not engaged. 

He also knew that physically his body was failing him. Although eating a little of the lasagne Sam had made for everyone, he could only stomach a minuscule amount, which did little to boost his energy levels. It felt as though sleeping was the enemy, because he was neither ready to leap into the car if the phone went; or to hear the smallest sound from the wicker basket, suggesting something was wrong. So as much as he tried to fight it, before even nine o’clock he began to dose off on the familiar couch of his parents sitting room - occasionally jerking himself awake before loosing the fight once again.

Nikki had tried to gently push him to take a break in the spare bedroom, which had been Tom’s before he’d moved out, but was unsuccessful - every time he retaliated with a stern shake of his head, while checking his phone just in case he’d missed a notification. Eventually Nikki relented, later in the evening both her and Dom retiring to bed; once Sam had agreed to stick around downstairs till a bit later - as a chef he worked till late in the nights, so even on his days off like today, his sleep schedule was just a little fucked. 

Left alone with his new little niece and now pretty firmly asleep brother, Sam draped a blanket over the latter just in time for Aurora to start fussing in the need of a bottle. His mum had explained how to do everything, how to mix the formula and heat it up, so after scooping up the little wriggling girl in the hope his brother wouldn’t get disturbed, Sam dealt with her. To be honest no matter how clueless and useless he felt, Aurora was just so cute - if a little wrinkly and alien looking, but in a good way. This was the first baby any of them had had, so the first time Sam experienced this instant connection and love for the little being that was his niece or nephew. It was terrifying, lifting the bottle against her lips for the first time, but then it just sort of seemed to work. She was incredibly smart for less than 24 hours old, instantly latching on, like she had done for Haz at the hospital. 

That gave Sam a little confidence in his ability as an uncle, giving himself a satisfied nod while swaying from the kitchen to move back into the living room. It was just a preference to be within reach of Tom… just in case. His poor brother still hadn’t moved, slumped against the corner of the sofa, leaning toward the now empty Moses basket. Normally, Sam seeing his supposed heart throb of a brother looking as rough as he did now - double chin, mouth hanging slightly open, deep sunken eyes - he would’ve taken a photo to blackmail him with. Now though, it was just desperately sad, seeing his brother like this, hand still clutching his phone tightly above the blanket. 

Rather hoping the calm would last for a while, Sam successfully finished off feeding Aurora; winded and then put her down to sleep again just in time. Because, perhaps expectedly, Tom’s phone began to blare off the default iPhone ringtone making Tom jump and throw the device across the room as he awoke with a start. Sam ran to grab it off the floor, mainly with the hope of turning it off before Aurora was awoken too - knowing that it was best tonight to tackle one thing at a time. 

And so he immediately swiped to answer the call, not even registering who the call was from, much rather just wanting the noise to stop. 

“Hello?”

“Sam? It’s Harrison” Tom had jumped up from his seat hovering beside Sam with petrified look. It took barely seconds for Tom to snatch the phone back, launching questions down the receiver. 

“Slow down would you? Y/n is fine I was just phoning to check in.”

“Oh er yeh… um sorry I just… just thought…”

“It’s the other way mate. Nurse says she’s starting to get there cos first she moved her arm a bit when we pinched her shoulder and then I just called because she started to like gag and now the ventilator thing is gone.”

“W-what?”

“I think she’s breathing by herself? Like she’s got an oxygen mask instead of the tubes down her throat.” Clearly Harrison was not, by any means, a medical expert. 

“They said she would have the ventilator for a few days at least.”

“I guess Y/n got bored? To be fair she couldn’t ever sit still.”

“I’m coming to you.”

“Tom it’s nearly midnight, I was supposed to be kicked out at 10. Just come back in the morning, they won’t let you in I’m pretty certain.”

“What if she wakes up!”

“Then they’ll call you! She’s getting better Tom you should be try and relax for like a second.”

“FUCK OFF HAZ! If she wakes up all alone and terrified then-“

“I’m not going to having a screaming match on the phone with you. I think we both know you wanting to come is more for you than for Y/n, because Y/n would want you to be looking after Aurora.”

Again guilt tripping using the newborn. Harsh but effective. Stopping Tom’s anger dead in it’s tracks.

“Look I can put the nurse on for her to tell you they won’t let you in and they’ll call if anything happens - but you already know that.”

“Yeh sorry fine … I know don’t bother.”

“Okay… I’m was gonna head back to my place and I know you’ve probably got your mum begging to fuss over Aurora but if-“

“Can you come?”

“Didn’t need to ask mate.”

And that’s how the night went. Until Harrison arrived at the Holland family home, Tom had spent the time pacing back and forth, blatantly ignoring the pleas of Sam just to sit down. Once he arrived though, going through all the updates in a lot more detail Tom seemed, for the first time, optimistic. By no means could you call him relaxed or happy - but compared to the rollercoaster that had been the last 24 hours, Harrison thought that was more than enough. Aurora had started fussing again at 1 but by the time it had turned into a full blown scream at Tom, Sam already had the bottle ready. It took a little bit of encouragement and promise that Tom would be able to feed her but actually, she instantly latched on, settled in her Dad’s hold while guzzling down the contents of the bottle. 

After a bit of winding she ended up falling asleep on her dads chest, only when he felt himself start to flag did Tom place her back in the basket. Harrison and him ended up crashing on the sofas, Sam retiring to his own room. Phone still tightly clutched in Tom’s grip.

////////////////////

The first thing Y/n became properly aware of was this intense heaviness all over her body. It felt as though her limbs were all composed completely of lead, meaning as much as she was just craving rolling over, it was as though her own body was holding her down. A very alien feeling that unsettled her slightly, trying to shake of the misty feeling in her head to work it all out. It took a while to drag herself out of the depths of sleep, to the point where background noise slowly faded in - an alien beeping as well as distant shuffling making her heart thump with unease. Finally, perhaps most distressingly , her eyes felt glued shut. Not because they were heavy, in the way someone extremely sleep deprived cant keep their eyes open; rather stiff like they hadn’t been used in so long they’d rusted over or something. 

The feeling  was quite horrific and isolating- as though she were locked into her body without an escape in sight. Whilst trying to calm her racing thoughts, Y/n chose to focus completely on the one thing she could do. She could listen. She listened to the beeps, focusing on the type of sound, the way it chimed so regularly; and it’s form. It was familiar, for that she was sure but for now at least she couldn’t place it. 

It felt like an investigation, trying with all her might to try and workout what the fuck was going on. To put it mildly. 

The most useful clue though, a breakthrough if you will, is when a voice sounded - clear and familiar. 

“Excuse me nurse?” It was Nikki. For sure. It was a clue, but didnt seem to make a hell of a lot of sense. Y/n was so focused on why the hell Nikki was apparently watching her sleep unconscious, she completely missed the reference to the nurse. As in hospital. As in Y/n was in hospital. “… I’m just going to swap out for my sons friend.”

“Harrison?” That voice seemed new and unfamiliar.

“Yes, he won’t be a second I’m sure.”

What was Harrison doing here too? 

It was all very confusing and hurt Y/n’s brain to try and unpick. Gradually then, everything sort of melted away, diving back into the darkness.

The next time Y/n woke up things were different. This time she woke up like she would at any time of day. She woke up and her eyes followed suit. Not particularly easily, since as soon as they cracked open she was almost blinded by brilliant white lights, it taking a build up of willpower before she tried it again - bracing for the pain. 

By now she knew something was wrong. She remembered all these patchy and hazy periods. All full of confusion and disorientation but with different voices keeping her at least semi calm. Familiar voices, all too often laced with such emotion. Especially Tom’s. She couldn’t remember what he had said, nor had she probably been able to understand it at the time - what stuck was the tone. The sadness, the hopelessness , the emptiness. 

It was scary. But it made her want to help. Made her want to open her eyes. 

After wincing at the dazzling white surroundings, Y/n blinked her eyes quickly, in an attempt to get them to adjust quicker. She saw an unfamiliar ceiling, one that was tiled in a similar way to her old school canteen. There was a  weird pressure round her mouth, eyes quickly darting down to see edges of a clear mask pressed up against the bridge of her nose. That wasn’t it though, the further she looked the more her eyes panned down this pale blue blanket, following the outline of her legs to the bottom raised edge of the bed. The hospital bed. 

Her hospital bed. 

As much as she wanted to jump up in panic; physically right now that was an impossibility. So instead, Y/n focused on trying to gleam as much information from the situation. It took a hell of a lot of effort, her muscles literally stiff and ridgid with disuse but with a small groan her neck eventually agreed to follow orders. Just a small tilt to the left and suddenly Y/n felt so much more less panicked. Everything was that bit less scary because there was Tom. 

Admittedly he didn’t look amazing, or even not bad. Tom was sat with his back pressed against the side of chair, so his body faced her. Had he not looked so ruined, Y/n would’ve laughed at the side of his face squashed into the back of the seat. But he did look horrific, for lack of a better word. His brown eyes were locked shut, but also looked puffy and red, while dark at the same time - as though he’d been attempting to gouge his own eyes out prior. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, hence why he had appeared to have collapsed in the arm chair. At least though , he wasn’t in a hospital bed himself.

That was Y/n’s pleasure. 

Her next job was to get her neck muscles to pull her head to the other side. It was a slow wincing gesture, yet she was so aware of another presence that needed to be addressed too. But actually it was 3 people.

Right at the back, a nurse sat on a little spinny chair, scribbling something down in a file of papers but to be quite honest that wasn’t were Y/n’s focus zeroed in on. Instead on Harrison who was sat in chair mirroring Tom, except instead of being passed out asleep he was cradling a baby. Her baby. 

Y/n literally felt her heart in her throat at that point, eye widening almost comically. That was her baby - it must be? The monitors all started to loose their regularity as Y/n threw an uncoordinated limb to that side of the bed- already having realised her throat was way too scratchy to try to say anything comprehensible. 

Immediately that got the attention of both the nurse, who immediately leapt up and called for support, as well as Harrison - who looked like he was seeing a ghost. 

“Oh my-Y/n-?” Luckily he kept the baby safe in his arms rather than dropping her in shock, whilst Y/n kept her eyes locked onto the bundle in his arms. Nodding down, she tried to remove the mask (actually just very slightly knocking it to one side) and attempted to ask of the baby. Her throat, being inhumanly dry and scratchy, didn’t really work but Haz still got the message, scoffing in amazement. 

“Aurora… here’s your mummy.” Harrisons voice was quiet and wavering as he delicately held Aurora against Y/n’s collar bone, the babies little tuft of har tickingling her chin. Now Y/n was crying with happiness, looking up at Haz’s icy blue eyes and questioning her name. Harrison confirmed with another disbelieving whisper, whilst the arm that wasn’t still holding Aurora clasped Y/n’s hand with a death grip. “Tom’s choice.”

The mention of him had both of them shift their gaze across the room to Tom’s chair. Even with all the developments, Tom still seemed completely unaware, fast asleep with the side of his face squished against the back of the chair making his lips slightly askew. Y/n were acutely aware of the small congregation of doctors that had accumulated in the corner of the bay but they seemed to be respectfully waiting before they would prod and poke. Haz went to call Tom’s name, before he could though, Y/n squeezed his arm and minutely shook her head. That wasn’t what the blue eyes boy had been expecting, causing Haz to unfold and bring Aurora back up to his chest as he quirked his eyebrows at her.  

She didnt need to be filled in on the situation to know exactly what was happening. She had no idea why she was in the hospital bed; how long it had been since she’d given birth - but she knew all she needed to. From Harrisons unbelievably shocked face; and from the state of Tom - it hadn’t been good. Her fiancé looked almost ghostly, it seemed evident that he needed her. First then, she gestured to Haz for some water, which after a panicked look to the nurse; then from the nurse to various doctors; she was eventually given permission. 

After somewhat alleviating the sandpaper feeling in her throat, Y/n then croakily asked for a bit of privacy. Right now the doctors all were gawking, Harrison assumed it to be because they’d all led him and Tom to believe she wouldn’t wake up for a while- and even then she was supposed to barely be awake, not able to talk and drink or anything of the sort. With an ecstatic nod Harrison, shuffled out - while doing so prompting the medical people to draw the curtains completely shut round the bay.  

Already Y/n had tears welling up in her eyes, purely because she hated seeing him like this. He just looked so broken and shattered which honestly felt worlds worse than the labour she’d gone through. Her whole body still hurt, stiff and achy for reasons yet to be explained to Y/n. None of that mattered though, as she strained her arm out to the side in order to gently reach his knee that was folded up and sticking out awkwardly at an angle. After swallowing one again, Y/n squeezed round the joint and tried to shake it slightly. Instantly the man jumped up in his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly and repeatedly as he tried to adjust to the room. 

Being so sleep deprived and stressed out, Tom’s brain was not working normally, instead with a delayed haze as he apparently skipped over Y/n in the bed, rather surveying the the closed curtains and Harrison’s now empty chair. As he was lifting himself to sit more normally up, uncurling from the armchair, was when he noticed the hand on his knee. Breath caught in his chest, Tom instinctively bit his lip as his eyes gradually traced up the hand, to the forearm, up to the shoulder. It felt like a fever dream, as though all it would take is for him to move and she’d slip away again. But there were her green eyes, gleaming in a way that literally lifted a weight from his shoulders. Her smile was tired and a little confused, but so her - after spending days of just seeing all her features lax, Tom swore that it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Only when Y/n finally croaked out a small ‘hi’ did Tom gain awareness of his body, or rather control of it, enough to leap up and leave over the bed - cradling her face in both his palms. Like a psycho he stared intently, swapping his focus from her left to her right eye like a madman. 

“Your-I-I” He was trying to speak, trying to communicate all the thoughts and regrets of things he wished he’d said to her all at once. Weakly she reached up to fully remove the oxygen mask, dragging It down to below her chin, before squeezing his wrists in comfort. Only then did Tom notice the small puddle that had collected on her cheek, which made him realise he was absolutely bawling. 

“You ‘kay?” Her voice was like sandpaper but everything about her was so completely Y/n and it was just giving Tom this unreal wave of euphoria. Physically incapable of replying, the brunette just scoffed, leaning over the bed even more so he could press his forehead on hers. He was laughing too, the fact she was asking him that seemed so preposterous, given all the tubes and wires attached to her at the moment. It took Y/n squeezing his wrist harder again to make him lean back a little, searching her eyes with his. She seemed so worried; seemed so full of concern - only then did Tom consider quite how much he’d ‘let himself go’ the past couple of days. 

It had been two days since Aurora was born, only 48 hours. But the transformation was mad, none more so than mentally. 48 hours had quite literally changed everything for Tom; changed life forever and himself too. It was showing in his unshaven face, with unwashed  greasy hair, everything just looking ‘tired’.

“‘m just really glad your awake.” It was so honest and sincere it did have Y/n wondering what had happened and for how long. What had she put her fiancé through?

“How long?”

“The worst two and a half days of my life… I got you now though, yeh?” Tom whispered wetly, while stroking the side of her cheek - wiping both his and her tears away.

“Always.”

The doctors and nurses then came in, podding and poking Y/n like no tomorrow while Harrison and Tom stood back a little - excitedly grinning at each other and the sleepy girl Haz was cradling, before Tom stole her off him. There was a momentary sick-to-his-stomach feeling after some of the professionals had cleared, seeing her eyes shut again felt like everything was crashing around him. Thankfully though, one of doctors noticed the look of despair on his face, explaining to the two men that she was just asleep normally. That although sh’ed spent along time unconscious, waking from a medical coma is in itself exhausting. 

After the initial excitement of Y/n waking the next couple of days were pretty samey. She’d been moved down to a normal ward, no longer needed all the incessant bleeping machines but still had to stay in hospital. Tom found it tricky too, he just always felt he needed to be by her side ‘just in case’. In fact, it had been a source of a bit of tension between him and his fiancé - she could see how exhausted he was from looking after Aurora, plus the stress of being in the hospital for hours a day with her. As Y/n got better and more switched on to the state of him, she realised it was inevitable he’d crash at some point.

But after a week and a half in hospital - comprising of a baby, emergency surgery, 3 days on intensive care, followed by 8 on the ward - Y/n was discharged. Nikki and Dom moved in to Y/n and Tom’s place, to provide care support both for Aurora; and Y/n for the rest of her recovery; and secretly Tom for everything he’d been through. 

She was still order on bed rest due to her surgical scars, so Tom and Nikki helped to set her up in the master bedroom as soon as they got in. Of course, everyone was aware of Toms odd mood that day. Until then the only thing he wanted was to get his fiancé back at home with him but now she was over the threshold his excitement and joy appeared to have been zapped out of him. In fact, he’d barely uttered more than a couple sentences. So once Y/n was properly comfortable and Dom had brought Aurora and the cot into the room, Tom’s parents quickly made themselves scarce. 

Tom hadn’t stopped, finding some reason to rummage around in the chest of drawers m while Y/n chewed at her bottom lip, watching him. 

“Tom?” All she got in response was a light hum. “Tom please will you come and sit down for a minute?”

“I just need to-“

“Tom!” Her exclamation finally properly got Tom to listen, jumping round to face her. “Please... please will you just stop for a second?” Y/n’s eyes felt as though they were boring holes in his skull. Really, Tom knew he’d be forced into this at some point because he couldn’t avoid Y/n. She had some power of mind reading over him. So with a defeated nod and sagging shoulders Tom rounded the bed, weaving between his side and Auroras cot - where she was sleeping soundly. 

A silence overcame the room as he heavily planted himself on his side of the bed, mirroring Y/n’s posture leant against the headboard. 

“I think we need to have an honest conversation T.”

“If you want.” Nothing about his reply was the picture of enthusiasm, causing Y/n to hesitate a little. 

“Look I am so beyond grateful for everything you’ve done while I was in hospital... and it doesn’t take a genius to tell you’ve worked yourself half to death-“

“I’m fine-“

“Don’t lie to me. I know you’re trying to protect me but please... will you just talk to me? Honestly?” 

His reply this time wasn’t completely unforeseeable but it still shocked Y/n quite how quickly it happened, especially almost unprovoked. Because that’s all it took for Tom to break, for the past 2 weeks to get their vengance, for all the repressed emotion to escape. 

He was crying- well more accurately sobbing- into his hands, his back quaking. Naturally Y/n reached out to pull him into her side, suppressing the groan of pain as she moved a little too much for her abdomen to handle. “I’m here T. I got you and I’m not going anywhere m‘kay?” 

And that’s how they stayed, for at least 10 minutes, with Tom crying into her shoulder as Y/n rubbed up and down his back. Eventually though, everything did calm down and Tom repositioned himself to lean his head on her shoulder just facing forward and focusing on playing with her fingers, lacing them fingers with his. 

In all the time since she’d woken up, Y/n was yet to broach the subject of their babies name yet. She sensed it was a sensitive topic to say the least, so had thought it best to wait till they were properly alone - not in a ward of 6 strangers where the only privacy came in flimsy blue curtains. 

“So…. Aurora huh? Thought it was too airy-fairy, head-in-the-clouds for you?”  Smiling lightly, both of them were transported back to the pregnancy when they spent hours and hours bickering over names. Aurora had always been Y/n’s favourite but to Tom thought it was more a name for a hippy kid who went around clad in tie dye and bandanas. 

“Still is a bit...but I needed a bit of a miracle and Iceland was in my head. Plus I sort of accidentally word vomited while shouting at Haz, for being nice to me.” Iceland as in when Tom had proposed under the aurora borealis in the freezing sky - when Y/n had agreed, promised even, to be with him forever.

“But you like it?”

“Of course... mother always knows best after all.”

“I think it suits her too. One of your best choices to date, listening to me.” Y/n mused, earning herself a very delicate but still playful elbow in the side before the room drifted back to a much more comfortable silence. 

“We’re gonna get through this you know? Me, you and her, we’re together in this... I’m sorry I wasn’t in the beginning and I’m sorry I hurt you but now? I promise you got me and I’m not going anywhere…” Y/n needed to say it and needed Tom to properly listen. “ ...literally, I still cant walk properly.” Tom chuckled wetly at that, which made Y/n feel a lot better too. 

To be completely honest, Tom was still hurt and he knew it’d take some mending to move past everything. By no means did he blame Y/n in anyway but just the fact he was left alone and abandoned - well, it was the worst time in his life. The way Y/n understood that and had apologised to him - if completely unnecessarily- meant everything. Meant she would help him to heal... whilst he helped her too. 

“Can we just go to sleep? I need to wake up beside you in our bed not at tiny hospital one.” It was only 3 in the afternoon but because of Y/n’s medicine she was constantly drowsy and Tom? Tom was still in this permanent state of exhaustion. So it wasn’t so much of a weird request as it was on the face of it. With a nod, Y/n shuffled down on the bed a bit more resting her head against the top of Tom’s. It was exactly what they both needed, just a bit of peace with each other. 

That lasted all of 5 minutes before Aurora woke and started to scream. 

Life had most definitely changed. Especially for Tom. Because even though he was he was mentally and physically exhausted,  he only appreciated his daughters screams whole heartedly... because Y/n was there groaning with a tired smile too. They were in this together. 

~~~~

 I really hope the ending didnt disappoint too much, im aware its rushed as hell, but thank you for getting this far! And I hope maybe this series has done a teeny tiny bit to normalise not everything in pregnancy and child birth being perfect - that there is morbidity and mortality associated. Obviously this is all fictional (esp the amazingly quick recovery and lack of neurological/other impairments) and not medically accurate in the slightest !!

my inbox is always open :) t x

Tagging : @whitewolf51 

[thrillridesz]

love hotline ▫ younghoon

➳ pairing: younghoon x reader ➳ genre: fluff, slight angst ➳ word count: 4.2k ➳ requested?: no

a/n: this is written as a birthday special for tbz’s one and only bread boy >< i’ve made this a little different from how I usually write my fics so I guess I’m experimenting? do let me know what you guys think of this writing style ^^

also this is so late omfg and his bday is almost over but here goes!

edit: successfully edited!

Love Hotline! This is y/n, how can I help you?

Hello?

Hi, is there anything I can help you with?

Um, yes. Is this the number to call to sign up?

Yes, it is! Are you looking to sign up for a membership?

Yes.

Great! Could I get your name and age?

There was a hesitant pause on the other end before the guy spoke up again.

My name is Kim Younghoon, 23 this year.

Ah ok, awesome. I’ll just need your number now so I can send you a link to our online form to fill up or do you want us to use this number you’re currently using? We’ll try to get in touch with you with your match within 3 days!

3 days? That quick?

Yes! We try to be as efficient as possible to ensure client satisfaction.

Ah… I see. You can just use this number that I’m calling with.

Alright! Give me a moment.

Ok.

I’ve just sent the link, did you receive it?

...Yes. Yes, I have.

Great, do you have any other questions?

No. Not at the moment, no.

Alright so I’ll end the call here? If you have any other questions, you can feel free to call again.

Ok. Bye.

Goodbye!

Hello?

Hello! This is y/n again from Love Hotline, I’m here to inquire about the online form you’ve yet to submit? Do you wish to withdraw your application?

Oh… Um… No, I’m just thinking about it.

Hmm, why’s that?

 …. I’ve never dabbled in the online dating scene before. I’m just a little nervous and apprehensive about the whole thing I guess.

Ah! That’s completely understandable. All I can say is, it’s always worth a shot. No pressure at all in applying. If you’re ultimately not comfortable with it, you can always drop us another call and we’ll cancel it for you.

Really? You’d do that?

Of course.

I…. Ok, thank you. I’ll try to come to a decision by tonight.

That’s completely fine. Thank you so much! Have a lovely day ahead.

H-Hello?

Hello, this is y/n from Love Hotline. Is this a bad time?

*muffled sounds*

Um no, it isn’t. Sorry, I just woke up.

Oh! I’m really sorry, did I disturb you?

N...No, you didn’t. Don’t worry about it.

Um, ok.

A short moment of silence.

Is there a reason why you’re calling?

Oh, yes! There is, I’m sorry I was just a tad distracted.

You don’t have to apologise but go on anyways.

Right… Based on the information and preferences you have indicated on your form, I think we’ve found a few good matches for you!

Is that so? Tell me about them.

Ok, our first match’s name is Yeh Shuhua and she is 20 this year. She is also a first year criminal law student! Some of her hobbies include acting and singing.

Criminal law student?

There was a hint of surprise and awe in Younghoon’s voice.

Yup! Pretty cool, no?

I suppose so…

Don’t make up your mind just yet! I’ve got two other matches! Next up, we have Park Sooyoung who also goes by Joy. She’s a 23 year old florist who works for her family’s flower shop business. She has also mentioned that one of her dreams would be to travel all over the world.

Oh, that’s interesting… Does that mean flowers won’t work on Valentine’s anymore?

There was soft laughter from the other end of the line at his comment.

Maybe? Is that going to be a setback?

... I don’t know. Probably.

You’re funny, Mr Kim.

Please just call me Younghoon. Mr Kim makes me feel old.

Ah, alright then! You can just call me y/n then.

Sure.

Are you ready for your third match?

Yeah, go off.

Ok, so last but not least… Your third match is Jang Yeeun. 22 and a current freelance graphic designer. She claims to be vegetarian but doesn’t mind if her partner isn’t one.

Vegetarian? That’s a commitment I don’t think I could ever make.  

Same here, honestly but hey! More props to her.

Right. 

There is soft laughter in the background from Younghoon’s end of the line but it is barely audible.

So? Has any of these 3 ladies caught your eye, or should I say ear so far?

I… I’m not sure. Is that all the information?

Hm, I could send you a little excerpt of their profiles if you’d like?

That would be great, thanks.

Alright, hang on a minute.

Rustling sounds as the phone is placed aside. A short moment passes before Younghoon hears a crash followed by a yell.

 … Hello?

Silence.

Is everything ok?

The silence continues and Younghoon contemplates hanging up and just calling another day. He is about to do so until he hears your voice.

Hi, hi! Sorry if you’ve been waiting long!

Is everything alright? I thought I heard a crash.

Ah, yeah. That was nothing! I had to go retrieve a few files, just to double check some stuff before I send it over! I guess I wasn’t looking when I rounded the corner because I ran smack into someone. It was carelessness on my part, really. I really should look where I’m going.

Oh, are you ok?

Yeah! I’m ok, thank you for asking.

No problem. Was just wondering. It seemed like a pretty nasty crash.

Oh um… Kind of, yeah.

Kind of?

Well… That person was holding a cup of hot coffee and it spilled all over so...

Hot coffee? Did you get scalded?

Um… Yeah, I did.

That must have hurt a lot! You should really apply some ointment on the burn.

I will! Thank you so much for your concern, Younghoon. I’ll send the profiles to you and get to that immediately after?

You can send me the profiles later. I can wait but your hand can’t.

There was a pause before you replied.

Ok.

Anyone could have heard the smile in your voice.

Hello?

Hello, this is y/n from Love-

I know who you are. You don't have to keep reintroducing yourself.

Ah, ok alright. Figures. Sorry, it’s just a habit at this point.

It’s no problem.

Right, I’m just here to check in anyways! Have you decided on which match to call?

Not really.

Why not?!

... Was there a deadline that I’m not aware of?

Oh no, there isn’t. I’m just surprised. It’s been about 3 days since we last talked over the phone about your matches. I just thought you’d have picked someone by now.

It’s not exactly a priority of mine. 

There was a pause before he continued.

How’s your hand?

It’s much better! Thank you for asking, I’ve just been applying medical cream to it regularly so right now, it swells a little less.

That’s great to hear then.

Yup.

A short moment of awkward silence ensued.

I hope you don’t mind if I ask you this but... Why did you sign up for the Love Hotline?

Hm? Why do you ask?

Well... You said finding and making a match isn’t a priority of yours so that got me wondering. Most people would have made their decision relatively quickly and taking 3 days to reply is almost unheard of in the office.

... I don’t know. Now that you’ve put it that way, I’ve got no idea why I’ve signed up either.

Not even the slightest clue?

Not really. 

A pause.

I think I was just bored.

You gave a snort which you quickly masked with a cough.

I heard that.

Younghoon’s voice was accusatory, almost even a little playful but not aggressive.

I mean, joining because you’re bored? Not going to lie, that’s a first.

Oh nice. For once in my life, I’m first at something. Thanks, y/n.

A melodious laughter rang out from the other end of the line.

How are you still single with humour like that?

I’ll take that as a compliment. Truth be told, I have no clue. If I knew, I wouldn’t be single.

That's true. Oh yeah, you still haven’t told me who you have chosen to call!

Do I have to make a decision now?

Preferably? The faster you do, the faster we can get this match under way.

 ... I’ll just let you make the decision for me then.

What? Why me?

The incredulity in your voice was clear as day at his words.

Since I can’t make a decision and you need me to choose a match, why don’t you do it for me? 

I can’t for the simple fact that my boss will have my neck if it ever got out that I chose for a client.

Well, your boss doesn’t have to know that. It’s going to be between us anyways. If you don’t tell and I don’t tell, who’s going to know?

Well... It’s just weird. I’ve never been asked to do this.

Hm, there’s a first for everything. I trust your decision.

Really?

Yeah, why not?

There was another pause.

Just don’t betray that trust. 

You chuckle.

I won’t because I’m not going to choose for you. How hard can it be to just make a decision? These are all great matches!

Precisely because they’re great matches, I can’t choose.

You're impossible.

Thanks.

Younghoon, I’m just doing my job here.

Isn’t your job to accede to your client’s requests?

That was a tone of mischief in his voice.

Oh my god. I don’t even know how you look like but I’m sure you’d look like a proper asshole.

Wow, language. Is that the way you speak to your clients? Can I speak to your manager please?

You laugh and Younghoon smiles.

You are incorrigible.

You’re too cute.

There is a short pause as the two of you registered what he just said. Flustered, he scrambles to say something.

I-I... T-That didn't mean a-anything. I was j-just saying-

That didn't mean anything? I’m hurt.

You giggle and he stops mid-sentence.

What?

I’m just messing with you, I know that didn’t mean anything. I call people cute all the time too, especially my neighbour’s dog. 

Right...

So anyways! Pick a match!

No.

Please?

Just pick one for me. Client’s orders.

Fine, I’ll pick a horrible match for you.

I’d call your manager then.

I hate you.

I know.

Ugh, ok fine but this is the first and last time I’m doing this.

I’ll take it.

Great, I’ll talk to you soon then! Keep being annoying, bye.

Sure, I will. See you.

The call ends on a light note and Younghoon stares at his phone. What is this fluttery feeling in his heart?

Hey, y/n.

Oh, you recognise this number now?

Yeah, I have a decent memory for stuff like that.

Nice. 

So to what do I deserve this honour of you calling?

Don’t be dramatic. I was just calling to ask about your call date. How was it?

Younghoon grins at your lighthearted reply.

I’m surprised you chose Joy.

Really? If I remembered correctly, you were the one who told me to choose a match for you.

I did but I don’t know why. I’m still surprised.

Maybe you should pick a match yourself next time so you can be a little less surprised? But that’s beside the point! How did the call date go?

It was not bad, actually. She seems pretty cool.

Right? See, I’ve got an ear for perfect matches. I know my matches when I hear them. I’m amazing.

Yeah, yeah. I guess we can expect a call from the Prime Minister any time now. 

Stop being sarcastic and just admit that your matchmaker is capable and excellent at her job.

No, shan’t.

You are horrible. I get you a match and I don’t even get my thanks.

Well, fine. Thank you.

That’s better. Good boy.

Don’t call me that, I’m not your dog. 

So you’d prefer good man?

At your reply, Younghoon nearly spat out the water he was drinking.

That's so weird! 

Exactly. 

Call me neither!

Fine, fine. I was just kidding anyways.

There was a distant call from the other end of the line and from the other end, Younghoon could vaguely hear your name being called. He felt his heart sink a little despite himself.

Oops, duty calls. I’d love to talk more but I’ve got a meeting. I’ll catch up more with you some other day?

Sure. Bye.

Bye!

Hey, Younghoon. Wow, this is new. You’re calling me first this time.

Yeah, hey. I just wanted to call to inform you that the match with Joy fell through. I’m going to need a new one.

What?! Why?

You screeched and he had to hold the phone away from his ear.

Geez, don’t screech into the phone.

Sorry, I’m just shocked. Why’s that? Didn’t you say she wasn’t bad?

Yeah, she isn’t bad. Just not my type.

What’s your type then?

The next word was out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

You.

There was a long pause and somehow Younghoon couldn’t bring himself to say the words that bit at the back of his mind. ‘Just kidding’, because subconsciously was he really kidding though? 

Quit horsing around.

You laugh awkwardly and he frowns. This wasn’t what he expected.

Y/n...

Stop clowning. I know your antics, you-

Before you could say anything else, someone else called for you in the office.

Oh, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you next time? Also stop being a clown, it doesn’t suit you. See you!

Y/n, I-

Call ended.

“...Meant that,” Younghoon mumbled to himself.

Hello, this is y/n from Love Hotline. How can I help you?

Stop it.

Isn’t that what you always say?

Well, excuse me for following company policy.

I was just teasing you. Why have you called anyways?

What do you think?

My common sense says you’ve called to inquire about my call date with Shuhua. 

Your common sense is right. So, how did it go?

It went fine, I guess?

Fine, you guess? What kind of an answer is that?

A perfectly reasonable one. You wanted an answer, I gave you an answer.

This guy...

You groan in frustration and Younghoon had to stifle his urge to laugh. Teasing you was becoming a hobby for him.

C’mon, cut me some slack here.

It went fine. We didn’t really talk about much.

Ok, so what exactly is ‘didn’t really talk about much’? You gotta work with me here, bud.

Well, we got along fine for the most part but as far as chemistry goes, there wasn't really any?

Tell me about it.

We basically talked about our day and ourselves and I think that was about it.

Are you serious?

I don’t get paid for lying to you, y/n. Of course, I’m serious.

That doesn’t sound like much.

That’s what a conversation lacking in chemistry sounds like.

How do you know there’s no chemistry as you say?

Your tone was indignant and internally, Younghoon felt a twinge of disappointment in his heart. Were you so bent on making it work between him and Joy first and now Shuhua?

Why are you so determined to get me and Shuhua to work as a match?

I’m sorry?

There was surprise in your voice.

Well, I mean... It’s my job. I’m a matchmaker, of course I have to make sure my matches match. The faster, the better.

Right.

Yeah, so how do you know there’s no chemistry or no chance between the two of you?

I guess we just didn't have much to say beyond the basics? At one point, it was beginning to feel forced.

Really?

Yeah, no point continuing something that’s forced.

Are you sure it wasn’t just awkward first ‘date’ jitters?

Younghoon couldn’t keep away the frustration in his voice as he replied, feeling weirdly angered for some reasons.

No. It wasn't.

A pause.

Are you alright?

Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?

You sound like you’re mad at something.

Do I?

Yeah. You do.

Ok, then I guess I am.

You want to tell me what’s going-

I like you.

Another pause.

What?

I said I like you.

You’re kidding.

You start to laugh but it died down as soon as he replied.

I’m not.

But... Why?

It’s just you. I don’t know why but talking to you has always been comfortable. Remember when we talked chemistry? We have that chemistry. It just came out of nowhere.

A-Are you drunk?

Younghoon felt anger course through his veins at your words.

Does it sound like I’m kidding?

...W-We can’t do this.

Why not?

... We just can’t. It’s company policy.

They don’t have to know!

I... I...

Realisation suddenly dawns upon him.

You feel the same, don’t you?

I...

If you feel the same, why do you keep pushing me on call dates?

I couldn’t...

There was desperation in his voice as he cried.

You can, they don’t-

I can’t.

He felt his blood run cold.

Why?

I need this job, Younghoon. I can’t lose this job. If they find out that I’m dating a client, I’m done for. I’ll be fired.

You could-

I can’t look for another job. 

I’ll help you look for one.

It doesn’t work that way. 

There was tone of sadness in your voice.

This is the only job I’ve found that manages to pay my bills. I can’t lose it. I need this job. This job is something I got because of my mom’s connections and if I lose it, I’ll be disappointing not just my company but also my mom. My mom worked hard to allow me to work here. We were never well off and my mom worked her guts off as a salon assistant assisting the rich. It was through years of work and making connection did she become friends with the owner of Love Hotline who also happens to be my boss now. I can’t embarrass her like this.

Y/n...

What are you doing?

A sharp voice that wasn’t y/n’s interrupted and even though he wasn’t where you were, he knew in his heart that something had gone wrong but before he could say anything, the line went dead.

Call ended.

A week and a half passes without any calls. Younghoon grows more worried by the day. Did something bad happen? Ever since that last call, there wasn’t a single word from you at all until one night. It was approximately 2am at night when the phone rang. Grunting in annoyance at whoever is calling at this time of night, he reached out and answered the call.

Hello, who’s this?

Hey, Younghoon.

At the sound of your voice, he perked up and he was immediately alert even though it was about 2am in the morning. 

How’s it going? You haven't called in awhile. And whose number is this?

It’s my personal number.

There was light sniffling and immediately, Younghoon’s happy mood disappeared.

Hey, what’s wrong?

N-Nothing... 

I can hear you crying. Tell me what happened.

I... I... Nevermind. It’s stupid. I should never have called you. This is so extremely unprofessional of me, let’s just forget I called you. Bye.

Wait, y/n! Don’t!

Call ended.

The number you’ve dialled is not available at the moment. Please try again later.

Younghoon:

 hey y/n, are you ok? i tried calling so many times but you wouldn’t pick up

if you see this, pls reply. i’m worried for you

if you need someone to talk to, call me anytime

pls

don’t just ignore this, i want to help

Y/N: 

I’m fine. I just need some time to myself

Younghoon:

ok. i understand. pls don’t hesitate to msg me. know that im here for you.

Y/N: 

ok thanks

The number you’ve dialled is not available at the moment. Please try again later.

The number you’ve dialled is not available at the moment. Please try again later.

The number you’ve dialled is not available at the moment. Please try again later.

The day was bright and sunny as the sun bore down relentlessly on the earth. There was a slight summer breeze in the air which Younghoon would have normally loved but this time, it did nothing to uplift his mood. All he could do was stare listlessly at his phone, awaiting a call from a certain someone.

It’s crazy how the last time the both of you spoke was almost 2 weeks ago. To him, 2 weeks was an awfully long time and internally, he missed listening to your voice. There was always something so cheery and enchanting about your voice from the very first call the both of you shared even though he’d never admit it. The worry in him hadn’t dulled in those 2 weeks as he mulled over your whereabouts and wellbeing. The last time you two talked, you had been crying and in a depressive mood. Not being able to do anything killed him on the inside and as he entered a nearby café he frequented, the smell of bread which was usually his favourite scent in the world that would always bring him a sense of comfort did nothing to sooth his nerves. 

As Younghoon stood before the cashier, he said absent-mindedly as he reached for his wallet, “I’ll have the cheese toast.”

“Ok, that will be eight fifty.” 

Younghoon stiffened. That voice...

“Y/n?”

At your name, your head snapped up and your eyes widened as you made eye contact with the man in front of you. He had chestnut brown hair that fell in soft bangs over his eyes but not in an unkempt way. His dark eyes were large and soulful, seemingly containing whole galaxies in them and his demeanour was gentle yet firm. He was tall as well so you had to slightly crane your neck just to look at him. Although you had never met this man, there was something so deeply familiar about him. 

Younghoon could hardly believe his eyes. Here you were, right in front of him and you were every bit as beautiful as he imagined. He felt his heart pounded rapidly against his chest as he stood transfixed. It was awhile before he managed to get a grip and slowly, he said, “We need to talk.”

As the two of you sat down over coffee after your shift, he peered at you with a look of concern on his face.

“What happened?” His voice was soft as you had remembered and immediately, you felt at ease.

“Well, long story short. I got fired.”

His eyes widened.

“From Love Hotline.”

‘B-But... How?”

You took a small sip of your latte. “Remember when I had to hang up abruptly in the office?”

He nodded his head, dread creeping in. Surely...

“That was the day I got fired.”

Younghoon felt his heart fall with a messy splat. This was all his fault.

“I... I can’t tell you how sorry I am, y/n. I-”

You placed a finger on his lips and you had to try your best to ignore the burning feeling on your finger at the feel of his soft lips.

“Don’t. Don’t apologise because it’s not your fault.”

“But I-”

“I think deep down everyone knew that I was falling.”

Younghoon stared at you with a blank look on his face, his eyes shining with an indescribable emotion. 

“Falling?”

You smiled to yourself.

“You probably don’t know this but remember when you told me you liked me?”

He looked at you curiously and you continued, “Do you have any idea how happy yet conflicted that made me? I knew I’d lose my job but I knew that I liked you as well. I wanted so desperately to accept your feelings but I couldn't. I feel like my colleagues had already known about my affections towards you given the way I’d talk to you in the office. Someone must have told on me, I guess I was too obvious about it. That night when I called you at 2am, it was possibly the worst night of my life. I had felt so lost and hopeless that I didn’t know what to do. But then, I thought of you and this is so cheesy but... I felt like you were the only one I could turn to although I chickened out before I could say anything... I didn't want to burden you.” 

You chuckled sadly and Younghoon reached out to grasp your hands in his. The feeling of his large hands on you was so heartwarming that you felt like you could cry.

Drawing in a deep breath, you said, “I get it if you don’t want me anymore because of how long I had ig-”

“Don’t say another word.” Younghoon breathed.

He reached his hand over to cup your face and caressed you as the both of you stared deep into each other’s eyes. To think that such a deep bond can be forged between the two of you over a series of phone calls felt almost surreal. If you had told him even 6 months ago that he’d meet you, the love of his life over something as tacky as Love Hotline, he wouldn’t have believed you but as he brought your face closer to his, he knew that there was nothing he’d trade in the world for you when his lips came into contact with yours.

“You’ll never be a burden to me,” he whispered. “You are everything that I always wanted and everything I never knew I needed.”

[seok-jinnies]

one | myg

min yoongi x reader, jeon jungkook x reader ;

angst, light fluff ; wc : ~2.6k

warnings: some swearing

in all his years of existing, min yoongi doesn’t think he has ever loved someone as much as he loves you. after all, he knows, deep in his soul, that you’re the one for him.

however, jeon jeongguk also thinks that you are the one for him, so yoongi might have more than a few problems with that.

Just like that, Yoongi thinks, you’re slipping through his fingers once again. He wants to throw up. Or pass out. Or straight up die. One of the three would be preferable.  

He hadn’t meant to overhear… he had just wanted to come see you. Maybe surprise you with burgers from your favorite diner two blocks away. You had mentioned that you weren’t feeling well at all, and that you were in dire need of a pick me up. Yoongi doesn’t know why he immediately hauled ass to that diner you loved so much just to get you a burger and some fries, especially when you had a boyfriend who could do it for you.

Said boyfriend went by the name of Jeon Jeongguk, an irritating photographer who happened to have a knack for literally everything in the world. It’s almost a bit unfair, how good he was at everything, but at least he treated you well, so at least there was that.

On second thought, it wasn’t just a bit unfair, it was really fucking unfair. Jeongguk had loved you for what? Two, three years? And here he was, living the life of Yoongi’s dreams. Waking up with you, making breakfast with you, just being with you in general. Yoongi almost wants to cry at the thought.

Going back to the matter at hand, Yoongi recalls with startling clarity the moment he had heard Jeongguk’s voice. He was just about to round the corner to yours and Jeongguk’s shared apartment when he heard it. 

“...listen, she can’t know, alright? Whatever happens, (Y/N) cannot find out.” Jeongguk’s voice was hushed, and warning flags were raising at the back of Yoongi’s mind. Was he cheating on you? Pissed, he stopped in his tracks, listening intently. 

“...what?” Jeongguk continues. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve got the ring ready. Am I…? Of course I am. I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She’s the one, hyung. She’s the one.”

Oh, Yoongi thinks. Oh.

The burger and fries are left on the stairwell.

-

The first time Min Yoongi meets you is on his birthday. Winter was on its last breaths, and he was grateful. No one told him that twenty-five was the age when all your joints started to ache like a grandpa, and he hated it severely. The cold wasn’t helping him much with joint pain either.

It was snowing too, so Yoongi had to make sure to actually wear a coat. It looked like his days of wearing a t-shirt and ripped jeans out in the snow were long gone.

There was nothing special about the day he met you. Perhaps, it was so that you could stand out even more. Not that you needed help standing out; you were already breathtaking on your own. With cosmic assistance? You were absolutely lethal.

He had a camera that day, if only to humor his friend, Jimin, who was devastated that he was spending his birthday alone. You have to at least take pictures, okay? He had insisted through a very static-y phone call the night before. Prove to me that you went out for your birthday. Treat yo self! Jimin squealed. Yoongi had to pull his headphones off at that.

You were sitting on a bench, talking on the phone. You were laughing, and for one cliche moment, Yoongi’s heart stopped. Maybe it was the sunlight hitting you just right, or maybe it was your (frankly contagious) laughter, but he was pretty sure you were almost too pretty to exist. 

His hands moved before he could think too much of it, and before he knew it he had taken a picture of you.

There was no sign that you had noticed, and Yoongi almost felt ashamed at the action. He decided to approach you, show you the picture and then ask if he could keep it. However, you stood up the moment he took a step forward. You left, never to be seen again.

Well, not really.

You were a friend of a friend who then introduced the two of you to each other. He was overjoyed of course, but as much as Yoongi wanted to convince himself that it had nothing to do with how pretty you were and everything to do with showing you the picture, it was definitely because he was so smitten with you that he actually forgot his name when you introduced yourself.

(And that day, Yoongi decided that it was love at first sight. Or second. Whatever. He was in love, anyways.)

-

It’s at your birthday party when he decides. He’s going to tell you. He’s going to confess.

Maybe not now, not tonight, but someday.

You look stunning, he decides. You were wearing this red off-shoulder dress which fell to your knees, and some heels which Yoongi knew must be hell on earth for you. You never did like heels.

Your apartment was filled with your friends, some from college and some from work, he deducts, as he meets eyes with a couple of strangers. He smiles awkwardly and turns back to his drink, searching for a familiar face when⁠—

“Yoongi!” You call out happily. The stiff excuse for a smile he had plastered on his face melted into something more genuine as he faced you. “Hello, flower.”

Your already rosy cheeks flush more from the endearment and Yoongi chuckles. He used to tease you about your love for plants and wanted to give you a nickname related to it. Unfortunately, calling you ‘cactus’ just didn’t have that air of lovesickness that he was aiming for, so ‘flower’ would have to do.

You pull him into a hug and he grumbles for a moment, pretending to hate it. You know that he loves hugs, though, and you just laugh and hold him tighter. He can only hope you can’t tell how hard his heart was pounding.

When you pull away, he misses your warmth almost immediately. “How are you?” You grin. “Enjoying the party so far?”

He lets out a small laugh. “You know, I should be the one asking you that, birthday girl. Although, I am surprised you went for a party this year instead of the usual dinner.”

“Actually…” you pause, smiling sheepishly. “I didn’t want a party either. Jeongguk just thought it would be nice since it could double as a little celebration for my promotion as well.”

Ah. The promotion. Yoongi remembers when you had just graduated college, desperately trying to get into the industry you wanted. You used to cry over every rejection email, but now…  You were doing great, and he couldn’t be more proud of you. Regardless, he grins at your admission.

“Knew it.” He teases, and you mock grumble at him before smiling again, looking away. Meanwhile, Yoongi couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He could only pray that no one could tell he was giving you heart eyes.

“Babe!” Jeongguk’s voice cuts through the comfortable silence between you two. Yoongi can’t tell if it’s just his personal bias against the guy, but he was really fucking irritating. Add that to the fact that you used to call Yoongi ‘babe’ before Jeongguk started calling you that, and Yoongi was starting to get more than a little pissed. Another thing to add to the list of things Jeongguk had stolen from him.

But were you ever his to begin with? A voice in Yoongi’s mind whispers.

Shut up, he hisses back.

“Cake time!” Jeongguk calls out again, and you shoot Yoongi an apologetic grin as you leave his side and approach your golden retriever of a boyfriend.

People begin to gather around you as Jeongguk holds the cake for you with the candles lit up. You’re grinning, and while Yoongi doesn’t sing along, he is staring at you with the most lovesick look in his eyes that he’s sure if anyone were to see him, they would know.

His mind begins to drift as he imagines a world where he’s the one holding your cake. Maybe you would smear some icing on his cheek after blowing the candles out. Would you two be the absolutely cheesy couple everyone pretended to hate but were actually jealous of? Maybe. And you know what, Yoongi would actually love that. He would⁠—

He hears Jeongguk say your name, and when he focuses, Jeongguk is down on one knee and his heart falls.

“...you are the best thing to ever happen to me. You don’t just make me a better person, you make me want to be a better person for me. For you. I wake up in the morning and I want to cry because I feel so goddamn lucky that you chose me. Out of all the people in this universe, you chose me. You saw me, and you took care of me, and you loved me. You gave me the world, (Y/N), but I want to give you the universe.” Jeongguk pauses, and even from a distance, Yoongi can see that the younger man has tears in his eyes.

So does Yoongi. His ears are ringing, and all he can do is watch as Jeongguk asks the million dollar question:

“(Y/N), will you marry me?”

SIlence, and then:

“Yes!”

His heart shatters into a million pieces.

-

Min Yoongi was a coward, that much he knew. 

After five years of loving you silently (and multiple times of flirting with each other), he was done. Time to move on. It’s been half a decade, and he was never sure if you felt the same way. Maybe you did, but he didn’t want to risk losing you.

So he did the thing most people would do after deciding to move on: get absolutely shitfaced at the nearest bar.

Truth be told, even now, three and a half years later, he did not remember what happened that night. He assumes he had a one night stand, if the woman he woke up to was any evidence. 

What he did not expect was you barging into his apartment, demanding to see him because you needed to tell him⁠—

What you wanted to tell him, Yoongi would never know, because when you asked if the girl in the bathroom was his girlfriend, he had the stupid idea to lie and tell you that yes, she is my girlfriend. Just made it official last night.

He was too damn proud of himself being able to “move on” from you to see you deflate. In a span of seconds, you went from excited to the verge of tears. When you heard the bathroom door open, you hurriedly excused yourself and booked it out of his apartment.

What Yoongi didn’t know was that you were going to confess.

But as you power walk out of his apartment complex, you come to the conclusion, that maybe, just maybe, he’s just not into you. And you were merely boo boo the fool.

After that, texts between you and Yoongi were sparse. You stopped hanging out. You stopped sending each other memes at three in the morning. You just stopped… seeing each other.

By the time Yoongi pulled his head out of his ass and sucked it up, it had been a year, and you had a sparkly new boyfriend named Jeon Jeongguk.

-

Yoongi decided that this was, quite possibly, the worst year of his life. Nothing like watching the love of your life get engaged to someone else, and then be forced to watch her marry someone else months afterwards to really rub the salt in.

But then again, you aren’t Mrs. Jeon. Yet, anyways, Yoongi thinks bitterly. In less than twenty four hours, he will truly have lost you, and this time, there’s no getting you back.

And so, like the genius that he was, he decides to call you. In the middle of the night. To the local park. Why? Honestly, Yoongi had no idea. He just wanted, needed to see you one last time.

When you arrive, the park is silent. You look adorable, Yoongi thinks fondly, but even that innocent thought was enough to make tears well up in his eyes. God, he was so in love with you it hurt.

“(Y/N),” he begins once you’re close enough to hear. “I need to tell you something⁠—”

“Yoongi,” you whisper. You look pained, he notes.”Don’t⁠—”

“Don’t what?” He cuts you off, scoffing. The tears begin to fall. “Don’t say it? You don’t want me to tell you about how I’ve been in love with you my whole life? You don’t want me to tell you how much I wish it was me you’re marrying tomorrow?” He wipes at his tears angrily. “What do you want me to do?” 

He breathes in raggedly, looking up to the sky in desperation. When he looks back at you, your heart breaks for him.

“Flower, I can’t.” He begs. “I can’t let you go. I can’t lose you. Not again. Please⁠—” A sob tears through his throat. “I love you.”

He feels your hands cup his face, wiping at the wetness on his skin. He’s almost grateful that he can’t see you through his tears, because he knows you’re crying too. He hated seeing you cry.

“Yoongi,” you say softly. “I love you too, but we can’t. We’ve been dancing around this for almost a decade, babe. Our time has passed, Yoongi⁠⁠.” Your hands have moved, one on his waist and another on the back of his neck. When he sees your tears, he finally breaks. He collapses into your arms, sobbing, grasping at you desperately. 

When you speak next, your voice is muffled as you comb through his hair with one hand and pull him closer with the other. “I will always love you, Yoongi. Always.” You say fiercely, surely, and Yoongi almost wants to believe you. “But I love Jeongguk too. He…” You pause, trying to find the right words. “He’s the one for me.” You admit, and Yoongi hates it so much because you were the one for him. 

The two of you slowly sink onto the ground, with your arms still around him as he cries. For losing you, for being too late, and for what could have been. His sobs echo in the empty park and you cry with him.

When his sobs die down and his breathing gets calmer, he pulls away from your embrace. When your arms fall to the sides, he moves closer to you, pressing his forehead to yours, eyes closed. “I love you,” he whispers, and he’s so close you can feel his breath on your face. “I will always love you.”

When your eyes flutter open, his eyes meet yours. 

Around you, the snow begins to fall. 

“I…” You breathe out. “I should go. Jeongguk’s waiting for me at home.”

He nods slowly. “Okay,” he whispers. “Okay. Get home safely.”

You nod and stand up, offering a hand. He shakes his head and stands up on his own.

No words are said.

You nod, and turn to leave. When your figure disappears into the night, Yoongi lets his tears fall once more.

“Goodbye, flower,” he whispers into the night. The wind blows.

I love you.

[writetorace]

Hard To Be Alone Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom is away filming is Barcelona and seeing the fans photos everyday makes you miss him more

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing

A/N: feedback is appreciated

It was another day you woke up to an empty bed. You thought that you would get used to it with Tom being away filming regularly, but you didn't. Instead, you became accustomed to hugging his pillow in his absence, his scent being embedded in the fibres. Grabbing Tom's pink hoodie is only a further reminder that he isn't here and a pouty frown makes its way onto your face. Even the hoodie smells like him, but it reminds you of what hugging him is like as you are enveloped in his scent.

Making your way downstairs you come across Sam who was making an omelette for himself. Pulling the sleeves down to cover your hands, you wrap your arms around yourself and go to sit at the counter. "Missing Tom? I know how you feel, when I went with him I missed Elysia so much."

Giving Sam a weak smile you responded "I just miss him so much, every time I think it will be different, or I won't miss him as much, but that's just not true. I think I miss him more. I should be used to it, I know, but honestly, I just miss him." Your shoulders were slumped, but you were glad that you had someone that you could talk to about it. "How did you and Elysia manage?"

Turning his gaze away from you, he flipped his omelette onto a plate. "Honestly, it was challenging, but we managed. The key was communication. I know that you and Tom talk every day, but sometimes one of us had to visit the other, seeing them in person is just so different. I know you and Tom, you will make it through this."

Sam sat down next to you, placing the plate between the both of you, handing you one of two forks. "I really want to go and see him, but I don't want to distract him. He seems to be really enjoying himself." Taking a bite of the omelette, your eyes rolled into the back of your head at the taste. "When did you get so good at omelettes?"

Nudging Sam, he laughed, "I've always been good at omelettes, you've just never had mine before. Anyway, I'm going to speak to Harry and see when he and Tom are free to visit. You need to see your boyfriend, and I need to see my twin."

Turning to Sam, you hugged him, "I don't know how to thank you, Sam, but thank you!" Sam was always someone that you could count on, and this just further proved your point. He was always looking out for others before himself.

Tom couldn't help but noticed the smugness written across Harry's face after he got off the phone with Sam. It was clear that they were twins with how close they were to each other. When Harry wouldn't say anything to Tom about the phone call, it angered him. The two of them never kept secrets, especially when they were away filming. He just told Tom to be ready and waiting, for what he didn't know.

Your flight wasn't very long, but it felt like a lifetime until the plane touched down on Spanish soil. The heat and humidity were the first things that you felt, instantly heating your skin. The flight wasn't overly crowded, so you and Sam ended up being sat across one row.

Walking towards the exit with your luggage in hand, it was easy to spot Harry. He was waiting for you, leaning on a wall with his camera around his neck. He really didn't go anywhere without it. Harry took in your appearance, still wearing the pink hoodie, your hair scraped into a bun.

"Wow. You look a mess." Sam laughed at his twins' remark. Harry always one for pleasantries.

"Yeah, a hot mess. How's Tom, I haven't had the chance to speak to him today, you know with the whole flight." Both the twins laughed at your comment.

"To say he's even more of an ass would be an understatement. He's been up my back since we organised this." You could imagine Tom pacing his trailer, running his hands through his hair, shouting at Harry when he wouldn't tell him anything.

Arriving on set was complicated, Harry had to radio different crew members to see where Tom was as to avoid him. Once you got in Tom's trailer, you got changed, knowing that he would recognise his hoodie in an instant. Placing a mask on, you finally felt like your plan was coming together.

Moving your hair into your face, you made your way into the crowd of fans. They were dotted along the outskirts of the set, all waiting for a glimpse at your boyfriend. Without fail for the past weeks, he had stopped to take photos with the fans.

Just like any other day, he arrived. You had received a message from Harry when they would be nearing the group of fans you were amongst. Before the doors of the van opened, you could hear the screams of the fans, all going crazy at the chance of just catching a glimpse of the Tom Holland, your Tom Holland.

Rushing to the front of the crowd, you couldn't wait to see your boyfriend. Resisting the urge to call his name, you just reached towards him, hoping to catch his attention. He made his way down the crowd, entirely skipping past you. Just as you were about to huff and walk away, Harry nudged him in your direction.

When Tom couldn't see your face properly, he tried to duck down to see it. Instead, you chose to lift your head up when he took the photo. Checking that it turned out alright, he did a double-take between you and the image. Smiles spread across both of your faces, it was obvious Tom was smiling, his eyes always gave it away.

Reaching towards you, he pulled you from the crowd and into his arms. You were home. "Darling, what are you doing here?" Tom's voice cooed in your ear. His arms still wrapped tightly around you.

"It was Harry and Sam's idea, I just missed you so much."

"I saw Sam, but I thought he came alone. Those sneaky fuckers!" He couldn't believe that his brothers had thought of such a foolproof plan in a short space of time.

Tom led you to the van, never taking his hands off of you, almost as if he was afraid to let you go. When you got back to his trailer, the first thing he noticed was his pink hoodie laid over one of the countertops. Smiling more to himself, he realised you must have been wearing it as he didn't take it with him.

Walking towards you, he captured your lips with his. He could taste the vanilla on your chapstick, your lips gliding against one another. Pulling away for breath, you rested your forehead against his, keeping close to each other.

"I love you, y/n. I'm so glad you came to surprise me, but it's my last day here. We fly to Atlanta tomorrow, I'll see if I can pull some strings to get you to come with me." Your heart sank with the possibility of having to leave him so soon, but Atlanta did sound good.

"Nap?" Tom always knew you so well. Nodding you, both settled on the small bed in the trailer, wrapped up in each other's embrace only to be woken by the shutter of Harry's camera. A photo to be treasured forever.

[blackrose343]

Hopeless - Chapter 5: The Consequences

Warnings: Angst, Language and PTSD

I am not a medical professional so I cannot say if this chapter accurately portrays PTSD. I did research it and compared it to what I have written. From what I saw, it looks like the reader is going through something along the lines of PTSD. So to be on the safe side, I decided to put PTSD in the warning.

Devil May Cry - V x Gender Neutral Reader

Fanfic summary:  You have been kidnapped by a Soul Snatcher clan that used to reside within Red Grave. They’re torturing you for more information about the one who helped you kill their leader. While being held captive you begin to think about how to escape, how this all started, and if someone will find you. Then again, what would happen if you escape?

Hopeless Masterlist

Sorry this took so long.

Part of the poem V reads is  Auguries of Innocence by William Blake.

Present Day

Vergil returned with you to Devil May Cry not too long after the others. Everyone gathered around, excited to finally meet you. (Although, they wished it was under better circumstances.) Nero covered Nico’s mouth, quieting her before she exclaimed her excitement about meeting you. Vergil reminded everyone you’ve been through a lot and needed rest. A lot of it. He also stressed the importance of giving you space once you regain consciousness. Vergil didn’t want you to become overwhelmed by everyone bombarding you at once. You would need time to readjust to your life; to relearn what you have forgotten.

“Try not to wake (Y/N).” Vergil left the room as V approached you. A big sigh of relief left him. You were okay just like Vergil promised you’d be. Lovingly, V stroked your hair. He got onto his knees, then placed a tender kiss on your forehead. A tiny smile graced your lips. To not disturb slumber, V took his leave.

Vergil was sitting outside enjoying the night’s cool breeze. No, he was still trying to figure out how to tell V the decision he made. Ever since he made the decision he has been trying to find the best way to tell V. Vergil knew V wouldn’t take it well. Especially since he didn't know if all or some of your memories were sealed.

It wasn’t hard for V to find Vergil. He recognized Vergil’s agitated sigh anywhere. V’s expression showed Vergil he wanted to know what happened. Vergil chose to explain to V what the healer explained to him. V’s grip on his cane was so tight his knuckles whitened. He was furious Vergil made the decision of you possibly forgetting him. But, he understood why. V expressed to Vergil he wanted you to be okay no matter what. And that’s what Vergil achieved. Before V said anything he shouldn’t, he left.

Slowly, you opened your eyes, then you observed your surroundings. You had no idea where you were. After further inspection, you realized you were in someone’s bedroom. The room more than likely belonged to the man next to you. You studied the sleeping man. A book with a “V” on the cover was on his face. Pale, slender, covered in tattoos and some bruises. You wondered who he was. That thought soon vanished. Silently, you freaked out when you saw a panther by his feet. Even more so when you saw the bird next to him. Does that bird have three pupils?!

“Hey Shakespeare, wake up! (Y/N) is awake.” The bird ruffled his feathers, then flew around the room. The panther lazily yawned then looked up at you. It would have pounced onto you but the man commanded it not to. His sultry voice soothed you yet you don’t know why. You’ve never met him. Or at least you didn't think you did.

Heartbreak filled V’s eyes when you told him you didn’t know who he was. You could tell he was restraining himself from approaching you. V wanted to hold you; to do whatever he could to make you remember him. To make him feel better you mentioned his voice was familiar to you. V’s saddened eyes lightened with hope. He knew you would remember him in due time.

To get an idea of how much has been sealed away, V convinced you to tell him about your life. You briefly babbled about your childhood. Nothing too unusual about it. You glossed over your demon hunting training. You didn't have many friends because of it. You slightly elaborated your demon hunting career. Honestly, you enjoyed it and would never leave it. When you reached recent events, nothing came to mind. All you could remember was meeting with a gentleman for a job. You couldn’t remember the conversation or what the job was.

V meticulously chose his words while explaining what happened to you and how you met him. He also kept some details to himself. You took it as him not wanting to offend you. V did not want to be the reason you regain your horrid memories so soon. He knew you would remember eventually yet he will try to prolong it for as long as possible.

Few Years Later

You were surrounded by darkness. The sound of your breathing was interrupted by an agonizing scream. A familiar scream. You couldn’t remember where you heard it from. But you knew it. You instinctively followed it. The scenery changed as you made your way to the scream. The scenes varied from a bar to chaotic parts of  Red Grave. It felt as if you were a part of each scene. As if you were reliving someone’s life. 

The screams were muffled when you spotted an out of place door. The same door you’ve been seeing for too many nights. You banged on the door. Its barrier forced you away once again. You stared at the door, cursing at it. Each time you approach the door, the same thing happens. You didn’t know why you let yourself repeat this scenario so many times: banging the door non-stop till your hands bleed and the screaming abruptly stops. You wanted to say it was because you wanted to save whoever was behind the door. For some reason curiosity was more of a reason. You were unsure if you were curious to see who was behind the door or what was happening. There was no doubt you would find out soon. The barrier was significantly weaker than when you first saw it.

The muffled screams were non-stop. Whoever was screaming seemed to be in more pain than before. Desperately, you kicked the door while reassuring whoever was on the other side you were there to help. Nothing seemed to be working. It made no sense. It was a simple door. Nothing special about it besides the barrier. It didn’t matter. You had to get through it. 

The door's final attempt to keep you away woke you. Your eyes shot open. Your mind felt hazy, then it was racing. Your heart was beating frantically. Sweat rolled down your body as you sat up. You growled from irritation when you realized you were in your room.

“(Y/N), are you alright? It seemed like you were having another nightmare.” V’s worried voice relaxed you. He softly caressed your face then kissed your forehead.

“The dream with the damned door...like almost every night now…” You were so frustrated with it. At first, you didn’t mind not opening it. You can’t always achieve something on the first attempt. After a couple weeks, well...It started to become frustrating. You tried to stop yourself from going near the door. The temptation of seeing what was behind it grew stronger with each attempt to open it. Not only did it create the most interesting scenarios the closer you got to opening it. It also seemed to be calling you to it. You were too close to give up on it now.

You yawned as you rubbed your temples. Lazily, you kissed V on the cheek then made your way to the bathroom. Whispered curses could be heard through the bathroom door. 

V’s eyes followed you until the door blocked his view. His worry for you grows each time you mention the door to him. Ever since you started to dream about that door, you slowly started to become different. When the door made its first appearance, you became more irritable. V thought the irritability was from difficulty sleeping. He read poetry to you before bed but it didn’t always work. 

The next thing V noticed was your interactions with everyone changed. Most of the time you would secretly observe them as if you were on a mission. Sometimes, you would barely talk to them or get lost during a conversation. V knew you were listening. It just seemed other stuff was on your mind. Other times you put up your guard when around a crowd of people.

Attempts to discuss your behavioral changes were made. Each time you yelled at V, confirming nothing was wrong. When you realized you were yelling at him, you automatically apologized. You explained to V you had no idea why you were acting the way you were. V would try to get some sort of explanation out of you. Eventually, you explained it was your dream with the door. The weaker the door got, the more realistic the dreams from it felt. 

V was certain the door in your dreams was the seal to your memories. V brought up his concerns for you with Vergil the first chance he got. Solemnly, Vergil explained to V once the seal was released it cannot be remade. V was furious but hid it well. Instead of dealing with his feelings about this, he focused on you. Whenever you needed him, he was there. Whenever you were feeling down or anxious, he would do everything he could to make you feel better and safe.

--------------------------

You and V were on a double date with Nero and Kyrie. Kyrie wanted to have dinner at a new restaurant on the other side of Red Grave. The subway ride there was like any other subway ride. Nothing exciting to see. All of you chatted with each other, trying to decide where else to go besides the restaurant. You were excited to see a whole new part of Red Grave. It took the government long enough to start rebuilding it after what happened. Yet for some reason an uneasy feeling started to consume you.

Kyrie and Nero got off the subway with V following behind them. They’re voices faded as they neared the exit. You sat in the subway, staring at the advertisement on the station’s wall. The advertisement seemed familiar to you in a way. Yes, you’ve seen this advertisement in many places but that wasn’t it. It was as if this specific advertisement contained something. You were convincing yourself it was nothing and to catch up with the others. You couldn’t think of any reason as to why you didn’t want to get off the subway. You forced yourself to get off when the last call was announced.

A flash from a faulty light took you to a destroyed version of the subway station. The advertisement you were looking at before was torn. Not from age but from claws. As you turned your head, you saw the subway was no longer on the tracks. It was stuck in the wall on the opposite side of the tracks. Chunks of the station were around you, along with corpses. Broken electrical wires and pipes were above you. You turned your head again. Your eyes focused on the claws about to strike you. Your instincts screamed at you to defend yourself. “Get away from me!”

“V, are you okay?!” Kyrie’s voice rang through your ears. Your eyes shot open. The station was intact. Not one thing was out of place. Nero was helping V get up. V reassured Nero he could get up on his own. You could see a bruise forming on his chest. You were petrified. Nothing could explain what just happened or why. I attacked V? No, that’s not right. I punched something else. I was being attacked.

“V, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” You examined V’s chest while apologizing to him over and over. V continued his reassurance. He didn’t want to ruin anyone’s mood, especially yours. He kept quiet about how much your punch hurt him. He gently wiped your guilt ridden tears. He kissed your hand, then led the way to the restaurant. You squeezed his hand, pouring your emotions into it. “I’m so sorry, my love.”

V kept himself composed the entire time. Within himself, V was more than worried. He felt your fear through your punch. Your eyes were filled with fear and yet they had determination. The last time he saw you like this was when you almost died. V had no doubt your memories will be freed soon. 

V and Nero froze as you and Kyrie crossed the street. Disbelief filled them. They couldn’t believe the shitty luck today was presenting. The restaurant was on the roof of the building you were held captive at. Nero was spitting out excuses for V to get you away from here. There was no way either of them could let you enter that building, let alone let you eat dinner exactly where you were almost murdered. Before either of them could get to you, they watched Kyrie pull you into the building. Nero muttered “fuck” as he and V made their way to the restaurant.

Nervously, you laughed as Kyrie pulled you to the building. The uneasy feeling from earlier strengthened the closer you got to it. The feeling continued to worsen as you reached the roof. Your stomach was in knots. Your breathing started to become shaky. Your mind screamed for you to get away. You couldn't understand what was going on with you. You noticed Nero and V were a bit hesitant about coming to this place too. So maybe it wasn’t just you freaking out over nothing. 

You wrapped a few ice cubes in napkins then placed it on V’s chest. You kept apologizing to him. You couldn’t understand why he wasn’t mad at you. All you saw was his concern for you. You wanted to explain to V what happened earlier. Just not with an audience. Everyone would think you lost your damn mind. 

You couldn't stop yourself from figuring out why the events from earlier happened. Your mind conjured up so many reasons. You tried to figure out which one was a plausible reason. You didn’t want V to hear it was because of your damned dreams again. You’ve been using them as an excuse for too long. You could only conclude work may be starting to become too much. Maybe you needed a vacation. Who knows? 

“(Y/N)”? You looked at Nero like a deer in headlights. Was he reading your mind? You weren’t sure. He was giving you a questioning look. Sheepishly, you apologized for not listening then asked him to repeat himself. You found out everyone was discussing the changes made when this part of town was rebuilt.

“What happened here? I know the Qliphoth was here. It just seems something else happened too.” Nero threw V into the spotlight. V’s explanation was vague. It barely gave you the answer you were looking for. You gave Kyrie a look, silently asking her if V was hiding something from you. Kyrie’s reply was a subtle shrug. She had no idea what was going on.

Dinner continued normally. It was as if everything from earlier never happened. Nero and Kyrie acting lovey dovey. You and V were trying not to tease them. It scared you how easily everyone was able to push something like that aside. 

V glanced at you, looking for any sign that you were well. Ever since you entered the restaurant he noticed you were shaking. He knew you were attempting to hide it. The shaking appeared so strong, everyone thought you were freezing. He noticed you barely touched your food even though you claimed you were starving earlier. V thought it was best if you and him went home after dinner.

You and everyone else walked along the edge of the roof to exit the restaurant. V used his cane to deviate your wandering eyes to him. He made absolutely sure you didn’t look below or beyond. He had to. He wanted to prevent you from feeling worse than you already are. He feared you would remember what happened here.

Kyrie managed to find enough room to take a couple of pictures. Nero tried to get out of it by saying he didn’t look decent enough. V attempted to convince Kyrie to wait since the restaurant was crowded. Kyrie asked what was the harm of taking a couple pictures. It’s been too long since Kyrie got to take group photos. Also, the sunset would be the perfect background. The guys sighed in defeat.

You and Kyrie gushed over the pictures as you continued to leave the restaurant. Nero pleaded with Kyrie to wait until she was out of the restaurant to look at them. Kyrie showed Nero the picture she was currently looking at. Nero made a quick comment, then placed his hands on her shoulders. You and V watched Nero guide Kyrie. It was entertaining, even impressive. Nero had Kyrie dodge everyone coming through the door.

Your laughter at Nero and Kyrie was abruptly interrupted. Someone forced their way between you and V causing you to slam into the railing. As you situated yourself, you caught a glimpse of a black haired figure below. For just a second, the figure looked like a beaten V. You knew V wasn’t down there, he was next to you. You couldn’t stop yourself from checking. You saw V, then someone strangely familiar looking at the table behind him. Briefly, you tried to remember how you knew him.

“Are you ok-tell me who killed Carmilla!” The calm voice evolved into an aggressive demand. You couldn’t figure out who was talking to you. The demand was repeated. You kept quiet. You had no idea who Carmilla was. You don’t remember any mission involving anyone with that name. The harshness of the demand escalated until it evolved into yelling in your ear. You covered your ears but it sounded like it was coming from all over. Even from right next to you.

“I’m not telling you shit. Give up.” The haughty voice was yours, but you didn’t move your lips. The sound of powerful strikes, along with your whimpers followed.  Frantically, you searched for help. Nothing. No one. It was just you and the one asking about Carmilla. You closed your eyes preparing for the next strike. You started to take deep breaths. It was the only thing you believed would put everything back into place.

Few people asked if V wanted them to call an ambulance. V persuaded everyone to leave you be. He reassured them you would be fine and needed to be left alone. He knew the best thing for you was to have as much space as possible. To have as much time as you need to gather yourself. He knew you needed him too, but there was no way to physically calm you without possibly making the situation worse.

You stood still, gripping the rail for dear life. V studied the rhythm of your deep breaths and heaving chest. It was obvious you were trying to calm yourself. Even more obvious you were currently reliving your time while held captive here. Nightmarish thoughts raced through V’s mind. Nothing he conjured could be compared to what you actually went through. He wanted to understand but couldn’t come close to. In hopes of helping you and calming himself, V recited poetry from his book. “To see a world in a  grain of sand…”

“WHO KILLED CARMILLA?! TELL ME! TELL...poor souls...dwell in night...does…” Softly, the harsh demands transformed into V’s poetic voice. You completely focused on V’s voice, hoping he wouldn’t stop. The man in front of you morphed into V. Tears cascaded your face as you tightened your closed eyes. You begged V to stay with you. You wanted nothing more than for this madness to end. 

Gingerly, you opened your tear ridden eyes. You were back at the restaurant. For the most part, everything was back to normal. It was darker and people were failing to not steal glances at you and V. V was still standing next to you. He gently closed his book, then turned to you. Concern and worry were radiating off of him. V pulled you into a hug as soon as he saw your tears. You gripped V’s hand for dear life as he led you out of the restaurant.

As soon as V opened the door, Griffon flew around the house. You headed to your bedroom with Shadow behind. You collapsed on the bed, burying your head in your pillow. You released the anxiety and fear you have been holding. You screams and cries could be heard throughout your home. To help calm yourself you cuddled with Shadow, letting her fur catch your tears. Shadow’s purring was the perfect lullaby to fall asleep to, especially after today.

“...H-HE-LP!...HELP!...He-help...” Those pleas were all the encouragement you needed to continue to get through the door. Nothing was going to stop you this time. You mustered your strength then delivered one final strike against the door. The barrier dissipated, as it pushed you away one last time. The door became ajar. 

Regret consumed you as soon as you stepped through the door. A blinding flash brought you to an abandoned building. Someone similar looking to the man from the restaurant was interrogating someone who looked like you. The person being interrogated was severely beaten. It was obvious the man was doing whatever he pleased. No one was around to stop him. It wouldn’t be long until the person was dead. In an attempt to stop him, you jumped on his back. He threw you across his back. Somehow you merged with the one you were trying to save.

The man deeply slashed your abdomen. He was merciless. It felt as if he was never going to stop until he got what he wanted. Not once did his sinister smile disappear. If anything, it grew with each of your screams, your pleas. You screamed for help but no one came.

The strike to your head was excruciating. You gripped your head, screaming, as your mind released every single memory that was sealed away. Meeting V at the grocery store. Tracking Carmilla. Working with V. Your fight with Carmilla. Your captivity. All of them. It was too much for your mind to process at once.

V raced to your bedroom as soon as he heard you scream. Quickly, he studied the room and determined nothing was amiss. V attempted to loosen the ironclad grip you had on your head. V winced from pain when you grabbed his hands. It was possible you may have sprained his finger or two. V didn’t care. He stayed with you, reminding you how strong you are and how you can get through this.

Once you were calm V asked if you were hurt. Hysterically, you described your nightmare. The torture, the pain. The rush of other dreams within it. It felt so real to you. As if it happened to you as you dreamt it. V tried to explain that even though you were attacked in your dream it doesn’t mean the attacks actually happened. You were having none of it. You described every attack explicitly while tracing each one on your body.

V tried his best to calm you. Nothing he did relieved you. Not one bit. Your mind was frantically processing the memories it released. You couldn’t think straight. V tried to hug you but you pushed him away. His hurt expression made you feel worse, but you had no choice. You needed to stay away from him. You weren’t sure if the one in front of you was V or a Soul Snatcher; friend or enemy.

“Who the fuck are you?” Shakily, you cocked your gun, indicating you weren’t playing around. Shadow immediately placed herself between you and V. Griffon babbled about you not recognizing V or them. You didn’t care. You just needed to know what was going on.

“(Y/N) put the gun down and I’ll answer all of your questions.” Your defensive aggressiveness from before your memories were sealed has returned. There was no way V could weasel his way to convince you nothing was going on. To V this situation felt like he was reliving his very first encounter with you.

Your eyes narrowed with suspicion. Would he attack once you lower your gun? Will he actually tell the truth? What if this was a Soul Snatcher? Too many questions raced through your mind. You had no idea what part of yourself to listen to. Fuck it. You needed answers. “Lie or attack, I’ll make you regret it.”

For your sake V had to prove he wasn’t a Soul Snatcher. He recalled when he gave you the ring you were wearing. Hearing your argument made V realize it was pointless to retell the time you spent together. He was determined to prove he wasn’t a Soul Snatcher. No matter what. The only thing he could think of that a Soul Snatcher couldn’t do was summon Nightmare. Doing so caused quite a scare for your neighbors.

Your neighbors panic soon turned into silence. Irritated tension was all either of you could feel. Both of you wanted to say something. Neither of you knew what to say or where to start. So you both stayed quiet, trying to figure out what to say. The silence was unbearable for Griffon but he managed to stay quiet. God knows what either of you would do if Griffon said anything.

You took one deep breath, then decided to tell V everything about your time in captivity. The torture, the Soul Snatchers involved, your thoughts. Everything. You turned yourself away from V when you started crying. V attempted to reach over to comfort you but you indicated for him to stay where he was. You didn’t want to be touched by anyone. 

V wanted to hold you. He wanted to do anything and everything he could to remind you you’re safe with him. But he fought himself from doing anything that would make you uncomfortable. He knew you would fulfill your promise if he did anything you saw as a threat.

If V had to be honest, he didn’t want to explain what happened when he found you. Besides the fact he was like you; not wanting to show weakness or vulnerability. He isn’t proud of how he reacted. That night was a tornado to him. It was fast and destructive yet it was a blur. Still. It was no excuse to not tell you. You told him everything. Now it was his turn. V sucked it up and reluctantly told you what happened.

You listened to V, unsure how to take it. At first, you were terrified to hear you almost died. (You remembered you made the choice but it was frightening to think about.) Soon fright turned into anger. You blamed V for having your memories sealed. Not long after, you questioned if being with V was the right thing for you. You even questioned if you would be with V after everything that happened. 

V sat across from you, waiting for you to say anything. He was aware you were angry. He knew you would need time to process everything. It could take a long time, but V was more than willing to do whatever he could to help you. Except for one thing.

“I-I...I don’t know how to take in all of this...I-I think I need to sp-spend some time away from y-you. To absorb everything I just remembered..a-and what we just talked about...I also have to think of what’s be-est for me.” V’s heart broke in two. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was at a loss for words. He was unable to argue with you.

“Don’t.” You froze. V’s hand was hovering above yours. Without touching you, he guided your hand to lower itself, then release the clothing you were holding. Was V going to convince you to stay with him? You couldn’t tell. You knew he was going to say something. He was close to you but stepped away. “You should stay here. I’ll leave.”

You couldn’t believe what you just heard. Why would he leave? You should be the one leaving. You whipped your head around to see if V was really leaving. He was. Already he grabbed his bag, then his book. It didn’t take long for him to gather the rest of what he needed. Once he was packed, he approached you. You anticipated him doing some gesture to say goodbye. Your heart broke when he did nothing except say his goodbye. With each step V took away from you, you felt more alone than ever before. When he was completely gone you believed you made the wrong choice.

[chaoticminhos]

forget me not

—he couldn’t remember what kind of coffee he liked but he still remembered how to be a gentleman, interesting.

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst

warnings: brief mention of a car crash

words: 4.3k

a/n: i cried while writhing this so 👀👀 not proofread

you stepped out of your bedroom and fumbled for a light switch. between the sleepy haze and you not knowing the house yet, you’d never manage to find your way through it without light. you flicked the switch on and made your way down the hall and into your kitchen. everything was so neat and organized. knowing you, that order would be gone within a few days and would never return. you weren’t really one for organization.

you hissed as your bare feet hit the cold tile of the kitchen floor, cursing yourself for not having worn socks to bed.

you opened a few cupboards before leaning back against your table with a sigh. you just wanted a glass of water, but you were struggling to remember which cupboard you’d put all your cups in. your sigh was quickly followed by a yelp of surprise when someone spoke beside you. you lived alone.

“you put them here.” the voice said as he stepped forward and opened a cupboard you hadn’t checked, revealing the cups you’d neatly stacked on the shelf.

you didn’t reply until he grabbed one of the cups himself and went to your fridge to fill it up.

“what the hell are you doing?”

he turned around, holding the glass of water out for you to take. you just stared at it.

he sighed and sat the cup on the table beside you, “helping you get a drink.”

“no,” you backed away from him instinctively as he came closer, “why the fuck are you in my house?”

you tried to sound angry and intimidating, but you honestly couldn’t. you knew you should be shaking with fear, a random man was inside your house in the middle of the night and you did not invite him in. he was much bigger than you and he could easily overpower you, but all you felt was surprise and confusion. there was no fear. it must be the shock, you told yourself.

he shrugged, “you brought me here.”

you frowned, “i did not. i haven’t brought anyone here yet! i’ve lived her for a total of 1 day and half a night.”

he frowned and walked past you and into the living room right next to the kitchen. he flipped the light switch and made his way to the far end of your living room before picking up a small necklace you had sat on an end table.

you’d gotten it at the thrift store. you went there to find some cheap things to decorate your new home with and couldn’t resist the beautiful piece.

he held it up and you just frowned.

“i’m connected to it.”

he held the necklace and came back to meet you in the kitchen, making sure to shut the living room light off behind him. he held out his hand to you and you let him drop the piece of jewelry into your hand.

“what do you mean?”

he picked up the glass of water he had gotten for you and took a drink, “i’m dead.”

you laughed, “no, i’m serious. why are you in my house? i should call the police.”

he shrugged, “call them if you want to start yourself a bad reputation in this town. they won’t find anything when they get here.”

you shifted your feet and stared at him. it wouldn’t hurt to humor him a little, would it?

“you can’t be dead. ghosts can’t hold stuff.” you motioned to the cup or water in his hand.

“we can’t?” he raised an eyebrow, “where’d you hear that?”

you frowned, “it’s common knowledge. it says so on literally every paranormal tv show.”

he set the glass back down and waved a hand dismissively at you, “please, you believe that shit?”

the frown remained on your face as you nodded, “what other sources would i have?”

he smiled, “you’ve got me now.”

he could see the doubt still covering your face and he sighed.

“don’t believe me?” you shook your head and he never broke eye contact as all of the lights in your house went dark. the ones in the kitchen and the ones from the hallway, your house was pitch black.

you heard him chuckle as you let out a sound of surprise and fear and just as quickly as they were off, the lights came back on.

you stared at him for a minute as you tried to rationalize the events in your mind. it must have been coincidence. it was an old house, the salesman had told you you’d have to get some wiring redone. that was probably it.

“if,” you began, cursing yourself for stuttering, “if you can do that, why’d you use the light switch earlier?”

he frowned in confusion.

“when you went to get this,” you held the necklace up, “use turned the light switch on and off with your hand. why?”

he shrugged, “i don’t like using my powers a lot. sometimes it’s nice to feel like a normal person again.”

you nodded, still slightly skeptical. you hated yourself for thinking as you were, but most of you believed him. you didn’t know why, but every word that left his mouth felt honest.

“so, what? you’re like a genie in a bottle? whoever has your necklace has you?”

he nodded, “sort of. i can actually carry it myself if i want to, go wherever i wanna go, but i like letting it find it’s place naturally.” a smile crossed his features, “brings me to people like you.”

you nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“i’m stuck to wherever it is, but that’s not a big deal considering i can carry it myself.”

you nodded again, taking in the information. you crossed the kitchen and reached up to the drawer the boy had taken a cup out of earlier and grabbed your own, filling it with water and walking past him into the living room. he followed you, the full cup from before in his hand.

“why’d you get another glass?”

you shrugged as you sat down on the couch, leaving enough room for him to sit beside you.

“that ones yours.”

he spoke in a teasing tone, “i thought ghosts couldn’t drink.”

you rolled your eyes and to your surprise, a smile found its way onto your lips.

“so i’m stuck with you now?” you teased.

“no,” he teased back, “you could always give the necklace to someone else, but something tells me you’re going to keep it.”

it wouldn’t matter if you gave the necklace away anyway, he decided, he would just pick it up and find his way back to you.

“okay, ghost boy.” you reached your hand out to shake his, “what’s your name?”

you were shocked at how cold his hand felt in your own, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable cold. it was almost calming.

“chan.”

you woke up the next morning convinced meeting the strange boy was just a dream, but you were quickly reminded that it was not by his voice calling your name from the kitchen.

you jumped off your bed and hurried to get dressed to meet chan, who had spent the night on the couch despite having no actual need to sleep, in the kitchen.

to your pleasant surprise, he had already got to work at making the two of you some breakfast. you chucked at how easily he found things around your kitchen.

“it’s like you know where i put stuff better than i do.”

you surprised yourself with the friendly opening. you met him only a couple hours prior to that moment but you already found yourself being friendly with him. he was someone that was easy to be nice to. he was charming, even.

“i do.”

“what, is good memory a special ghost power?” you teased.

“no.” he shrugged, placing two plates on the table and motioning for you to sit down, “i’m just smarter than you.”

you glared at him as you took your seat but it didn’t last long. chan carried the hot pan from the stove and slid two perfectly done pancakes onto your plate. you moved to go to the fridge to grab syrup and butter, but he motioned for you to stay seated and retrieved the items himself.

day one and he was already proving to be a great roommate.

you ate silently by yourself for a few minutes before chan slipped into the seat across from you after putting his own food on his plate. despite you beginning before him, chan finished his food first. it was weird to you that he did things like ate and drank when he had no need to. from what you’d learned the night before, he doesn’t even have good tastebuds as a ghost, so it’s not like he could fully enjoy anything he eats. you understood his reason, though, of wanting to feel normal and alive.

the following few mornings, you woke up to the same thing. chan in the kitchen making whatever he was making for breakfast that morning. the days went the same too, talking or just watching movies and hanging out with chan. it was nice. you liked his company.

but alas, weekends end and you have school and work to go to when they do.

“can i come with?”

you chuckled, “chan, it’s a closed seminar. you’re only allowed in if you’re a student.”

he pouted, “would he even notice? you said your classes are huge.”

you threw on your coat and opened the door, “i don’t know.”

he followed behind you, shutting the door and locking it behind the two of you. you glanced at him in confusion, “i said no, chan.”

he shrugged, “i can still walk you there and wait for you until it’s done.” he smiled, pointing to the necklace around your neck, “plus, with than on you i kind of have to go wherever you do.”

you looked down at the jewel around your neck, chan had insisted you try it on the night before and you hadn’t taken it off.

you chose not to reply as you started your walk in the direction of your university.

it wasn’t a long walk, only a couple of minutes. you’d purposely chosen an apartment close to campus to avoid travel fees.

the trees and buildings you walked past virtually every day were so interesting to chan, though, that the walk took double the time due to his stopping and staring.

“it’s just a tree, chan.” you laughed.

“yeah,” he replied, “but i haven’t seen a cherry blossom tree in,” he paused, “i don’t really know how long.”

when you finally arrived, thankfully still on time, you tried to take the necklace off and hand it to chan so he could go home or explore some more instead of being stuck around your campus, but he refused.

“i like the way it looks on you.” he grinned, “i’ll be fine waiting here.”

you ignored the fluttery feeling in your stomach at his words and waved him goodbye as you entered the building. immediately, you were attacked by your friend with questions. apparently she’d seen you walk up with chan and you walking with a boy was headline news.

“when did you meet him?”

“last night.”

her eyes widened, “you only met last night and he’s already walking you to class?”

you nodded, deciding not to mention that he also lived with you. maybe you should have lied about how you met. you’d have to lie anyway, it’s not like you could tell everyone he was a ghost.

class went quickly and it wasn’t long before you were walking out of the school and scanning the yard for chan. you locked eyes with him just as he stood up from the bench he was on with a smile and began walking towards you. he spoke first.

“can we go to a cafe?”

“what?”

“i haven’t been out in public with someone in forever, please?” he begged, “i didn’t ever make myself known to the last like 4 people who had the necklace so i never got to do things like go to cafes or shops and interact.”

you smiled but your eyebrows furrowed, “you didn’t? why did you introduce yourself so quickly to me, then?”

he shrugged, he did that a lot, “i knew you’d be fun.”

fun? if he considered sitting inside and watching movies or sleeping all day as you usually did was fun, then he was in for a great. otherwise, he might be disappointed.

you nodded and started in the direction of your favorite coffee shop. it was a little further away than other places, but it was worth the walk. chan was less distracted this time, evidently he’d wondered and marveled at enough trees and skyscrapers to satisfy him while you were in class. instead, you held easy conversation the whole way. it still surprised you how easily words flowed when speaking to him. conversation wasn’t awkward and you never ran out of things to say or out of energy to listen to him talk.

you actually really liked listening to him talk. he had a nice voice.

you opened the door to the cafe and chan followed you inside and right up to the counter. there wasn’t a line, so it was your turn to order right away.

“hi,” you greeted the girl at the register, “can i have a caramel mocha please?”

she nodded and turned to chan, “and you?”

his eyes widened and he looked to you for help, “uhm, i don’t-“ he muttered the rest of the words, “i don’t know what i like.” before turning back to the register. “same as her, please.”

you payed and went to sit down and chan lightly shoved you for laughing at him.

“i got nervous. i didn’t have time to think and i don’t remember what i used to get.”

you laughed, “ghosts are supposed to be scary, not cute nervous wrecks.”

he pouted but didn’t have time to reply as the barista called your name to pick up the drinks. you went to stand to grab them, but chan was up and nearly at the counter before you could even fully stand.

he couldn’t remember what kind of coffee he liked but he still remembered how to be a gentleman, interesting.

you brought the cup to your lips as you watched him take a drink of his own, smiling when he hummed pleasantly at the taste. good thing you ordered something he liked for him to copy off of you.

weeks went by with you living with chan and it stopped feeling weird after a while and started feeling normal. you didn’t know if it was the move of houses or the boy in the house that made you feel safer here than your last home, but it was something.

you’d learned a lot about him in the time you’d spent together. you learned that he was from australia, which you could tell by his accent, and that he died in a car accident. he didn’t want to talk specifics, and you didn’t press it.

you also learned just how charming he was. only a few days into knowing him, he began flirting and making subtly hints towards you. you laughed it off, he was just a playful guy, but that didn’t stop your heart from racing every time he reached for your hand or called you baby.

you knew it was an issue for you to develop feelings for him, not only had you known him for so short of a time but he wasn’t even human. still, you couldn’t deny the butterflies that danced in your stomach when you heard his laugh.

sometimes you thought that maybe, just maybe, the way he acted meant he felt the butterflies too.

like the moments he pulled you close into his side while watching a movie.

“if you’re cold i can get more blankets.” you spoke up at him, face resting against his chest.

“i don’t get cold. i just wanted to hold you.”

or the first time he held your hand.

he was walking you to class as he always did and suddenly you felt his hand grab yours.

“it’s crowded and i don’t want to get lost.” he said, but you knew that was bogus. he would always know where you were so long as you had his necklace on.

still, you let him hold your hand the whole way to school and you continued to let him hold your hand on every walk and any other time he felt inclined to do so.

you were walking hand in hand back from your university when the problems first started.

some boy you didn’t recognize walked right up to you and chan, and you knew immediately that he was no good. you couldn’t pinpoint it, but something about him put you on edge.

that was the first time chan made you take off his necklace.

he turned to you as the man approached, “y/n, give me the necklace.”

you frowned, fingers flying up to fiddle with the jewel at the end, “what?”

“take it off and give it to me and go home. i’ll meet you there.”

you did as he said because between the uncomfortable feeling revolving around the man approaching you and the way chan had never used that tone with you made you panic and you really didn’t know what to do other than to listen to his words.

you unclipped the necklace and jogged home, and chan arrived not long after you. he took his place beside you on the couch and moved your hair aside so he could place the necklace back where it belonged.

“who was that?” you asked.

he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you into his side, “doesn’t matter. what matters is you’re safe.”

he leaned down and placed a soft kiss to the top of your head and held you like that until morning.

the one time freaked you out enough, but it kept happening more and more. every single time, chan would say the same thing. “give me the necklace and go home.” and every time you obeyed because every time whoever was walking towards you two scared the shit out of you before they even got within 10 feet of you.

of course it scared you to leave chan alone, too, especially when they came in groups. you figured they had something to do with a ghost thing, why else would they know chan? because of this, you knew it was best to let him deal with it. and he always did, he dealt with it and met you home after a while and held you until you felt better. he always came home and made you feel safe.

until they started coming to your home, too.

you were sitting on your couch watching movies with chan as usual, but you weren’t paying attention. instead, you were focused on his laugh and the way just being around him made you happy.

he reached to you and his fingers grazed your collar bones as he held the gold chan in his hands. he slipped the necklace out from under your shirt so that it was sitting in plain sight before moving his hand to rest on your shoulder, holding you securely against him.

“don’t hide it. i like seeing it on you.”

you smiled up at him, you liked seeing it on yourself too. it reminded you of him.

the soft moment was cut short by a banging at your door. you stood to answer it, but chan grabbed your arm and pulled you to sit back down. he held his hand out and that plus the wave of anxiety that hit you let you know what was happening. you unclipped the necklace and placed it into his hand. he bent down and placed a kiss to your forehead before moving through the house to open the door.

you heard as he opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind him. for the first time, you could kind of hear the interaction between chan and the strange men. you couldn’t make out words, but you knew they were speaking, and it sounded like chan was angry.

that wasn’t what frightened you the most, though. what terrified you was when you heard a loud slam and someone cry out in pain. it wasn’t chan, you thought you’d recognize the voice if it was, but still.

that was all you had to hear before covering your ears tight with your hands and waiting for chan to come back wipe the tears away, to take the anxiety filling your stomach away and make you feel safe again.

it wasn’t long before chan was stepping back into the house and rushing over to you, cradling you in his arms.

“who are they, chan?” you managed to get out between whimpers.

he just held you tighter, “they’re nothing to worry about, i promise. i’ll keep you safe baby, always. no matter what i have to do, i’ll keep you safe.”

you felt his arms grab you as he picked you up and carried you to your bed, crawling in beside you. he hesitated as he secured the necklace back around your neck and let you bury your face in his chest until you fell asleep.

usually, chan would sleep too, just for the sake of sleeping next to you, but that night he didn’t even shut his eyes.

for the first time since chan had began sleeping in the same room as you, he was next to you when you woke up. usually he would be up and making breakfast, but he was still right next to you with his arm around you and his fingers playing with your hair.

“good morning.” you smiled at him.

he did his best to smile back, “good morning angel.”

he sat there for a moment admiring you before sitting up.

“get dressed.” he called to you, “i want to go somewhere.”

you did as he said before meeting him at the front door. it didn’t strike you as odd, chan liked to go out with you often.

“where are we going?”

“just to the park.”

you held your hand out for him to take and you missed the pain that crossed his features as he took the invitation and lead you from your door and onto the street.

he played with your fingers as the two of you walked in comfortable silence, enjoying the morning air and being alone together.

he stopped when he reached the same cherry blossom tree he marveled over the first time you’d taken him out. you laughed as he stared at it for a moment.

he was so pretty.

he turned to you and grabbed you by the elbows, pulling you close to him. you laughed as he did so, not bothering or wanting to try to put space between yourselves.

“you know,” he smiled softly as he spoke down to you, your faces only inches apart, “it’s said that you can feel a ghosts energy.”

you tilted your head in confusion and he continued.

“you can tell if they’re good or if they want to hurt you.” he smiled, “that’s why you weren’t scared of me when we met. you knew i just wanted to protect you.”

you chuckled, “why are you telling me this how?”

“i’ve always wanted to protect you, and i’ll do whatever i can to do that.”

the happiness from before was slowly leaving you and being replace by confusion and fear as you saw his eyes behind to well up.

“why are you saying this?”

“baby, you know i love you, right?”

you nodded, tears of your own filling your eyes as he rested his forehead against yours, “i know. i love you too.”

he smiled at your words, softly closing the gap between you two and connecting his lips to yours. he lingered for a moment before pulling away.

“i’ll do anything to protect you, even if that means losing you.”

you shook your head, “chan, what are you-“

“it’s better this way, baby.”

he reached behind your neck and unhooked the necklace, holding it in his palm. you reached for it back but he held his fist tight.

“even when you forget me, i will always love you, okay?”

“chan, please don’t,” you started to understand what he was planning, “please don’t leave me.”

“it’s dangerous if i stay. they’re drawn to me, and if i’m with you they’ll always come for you, too.”

“i don’t care, i don’t-“

he hushed you, “i know you don’t baby, but i can’t keep putting you in danger because i’m selfish.”

the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes finally did, and he wiped them away with his thumb.

“can you shut your eyes for me?”

you shook your head no but allowed his thumbs to close your eyelids. you felt his lips against your forehead and you squeezed your eyes shut. when you opened them you were in your bedroom. you were overwhelmed by frustration and pain for a moment before you seemed to lose your train of though. why were you crying? and when did you get back to your room? last you remembered, you were grabbing a glass of water from your new kitchen, struggling to remember which cupboard you’d put all your cups in...

[supersilversleuth]

To Kill, To Die, or, To Live by SuperSilverSpy

Fandoms:DCU, DCU (Comics), Batman - All Media Types

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Category: Gen

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Hurt Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson-centric, Dick Grayson Whump, Whump, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, I have used these tags so much lately, I could probably write them in my sleep, Hurt No Comfort, maybe? - Freeform, I don’t remember writing any comfort…, Hurt, Angst, Jason Todd is a good bro, usually, sometimes?, idk - Freeform, he wants to be a good bro in this fic, Possession, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Whumptober 2021, SuperSilverSpy, SilverGrayson

Summary:

Red Hood showed up in the Batcave after helping out with a quick op one night. Everyone seemed to be looking at him with distrust and suspicion, even though he’d just helped them out. Everyone except Dick, of course, who offered him a tight smile, but whose expression was otherwise unreadable.

Kill kill kill...Dick Grayson shall die...

“What? Why the oh so serious faces?” Jason’s voice drawled.

OR Jason wakes up one morning, and there’s a voice in his head screaming for the death of one Dick Grayson

No. 4 - TRUST FALL “Do you trust me?” | taken hostage | pushed

Published: 2021-10-04 Completed:2021-10-04 Words: 3091 Chapters: 3/3

Chapter One: To Kill

It happened out of the blue one day.

Jason woke in a cold sweat, but he didn’t immediately sit up in bed. In fact, he didn’t move at all. He just stared up at his ceiling, a single thought running through his head, a single emotion coursing through his veins.

Dick Grayson must die.

Distantly, a part of him felt appalled at the notion, but most of him was running with it. Anger clouded his mind but it was unlike any he’d ever felt before. It was different, colder somehow, not like the usual searing heat of pit madness.

He heard a new voice in his head spewing insults about the Golden Boy left and right. Some felt familiar, as if taken from Jason’s own mind. Most of them were new, and he did his best to ignore the most unsavory ones.

He didn’t actually hate Dickface, did he? N—

Jason sat up, and began preparing for the day ahead of him. Put bread in the toaster, remember the meetings he has with several of his informants— Dick Grayson deserves to die— now that didn’t sound right…what was he thinking about again? Put butter on the toast when it’s done, start eating, think about that case that’s been stumping him lately— take Nightwing hostage —what was that? He does have a pretty busy nightlife… Do the morning’s dishes, brush his teeth, get dressed. He had a drug ring to bust tonight, that’s right. Some scumbags needed a little visit from the esteemed crime lord Red Hood— kill them all— what? N—

Jason went through the rest of his day in a haze. He met with some informants, gave food to some people on the streets. He got everything done quickly and efficiently, he even managed to make time to buy groceries. With every interaction, he acted just like he normally would. His movements were comfortable, voice at just the right level to suit each situation. People seemed easily swayed by him, to do as he asked. And yet...he felt detached somehow, as if watching through someone else’s eyes—someone who acted exactly like him.

He couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it though, couldn’t open his mouth and say something out of character, or just talk to himself when no one was in sight. Distantly, a part of him felt alarmed, something was just off.

Still, he made it through the day just fine. Whatever had been bothering him earlier that morning seemed to fade, and he started to feel as if nothing had changed. And nothing had, right? He didn’t remember anything different between today and yesterday…

Night came, and the Red Hood went out to save the day, or at least crash some a**hats’ day, he wasn’t picky. Everything went to plan too, which made him elated. The bats could say all they wanted about him, but no one could deny his clear skill and competency.

Everything was going well, the drug traffickers were all passed out on the ground and Jason was getting ready to call the police, when it happened.

His thumb withdrew from the call button, burner phone slipping back into his pocket. His hands went instead to his guns, and he felt his body turning, moving towards the unconscious bodies of some of the worst that he’d taken down. Kill. Kill. Kill. Chanted that new voice in his head. Kill them all, they deserve it. Just like Dick Grayson.

What? N—No, that didn’t make sense. Why was—Why was his hand still moving? What was his finger doing on the trigger? Jason didn’t understand. I don’t want to kill them, he thought. He pushed against that voice, that—that presence in his head.

It pushed back .

Jason was left scrambling internally, as he watched his own arm lift and aim. A body lay on the ground, motionless where splashes of crimson decorated the floor.

Jason felt as if he’d been booted out of his own body, like his actions weren’t his to control anymore. He felt sick, but no bile would rise in his throat. No feeling would stir in his stomach. He didn’t understand.

Two bodies, on the ground, it was like he was seeing double, than triple, then several many more. He started to lose count. At one point, he noticed there was a knife in his hand, that his face was twisted in an expression of satisfaction. His hands were covered in blood, and so were his pants. He’d have a hard time washing that out, Jason realized distantly. Death here, death there, death death everywhere, said the voice in his head. He knew he was feeling things, actual emotions. But they didn’t really seem to be there . They were foreign, unfamiliar, not his own. Jason could think of all the synonyms he knew to describe just how out of place the anger and the bloodlust and the malicious satisfaction felt. How out of place he himself felt. Kicked out of his own mind, out of control of his own body.

Even with past experiences in mind control and mind-twisting pits of torture, this still was like nothing he had ever felt before.

—

Jason didn’t know what day it was, what was happening, he just couldn’t tell. He couldn’t seem to keep track . It had been like this ever since the massacre, since he’d fought and lost the battle in his own mind.

Red Hood showed up in the Batcave after helping out with a quick op one night. Everyone seemed to be looking at him with distrust and suspicion, even though he’d just helped them out. Everyone except Dick, of course, who offered him a tight smile, but whose expression was otherwise unreadable.

Kill kill kill...Dick Grayson shall die...

“What? Why the oh so serious faces?” Jason’s voice drawled.

“Those drug traffickers on Monday,” began the big bat himself. Jason’s hand waved as if to wipe it all away. “Lay off it, B. I promise it wasn’t me, alright? I left before whoever murdered them all showed up.” The Replacement was frowning at him, and the Demon brat was scowling his way as well. Bruce thinned his lips, looking at him in that insufferable judgmental way he had. Jason felt himself scoffing, “I don’t owe you fools anything. ”

Please, he thought, this isn’t me. Please, I know it sounds like me but I swear it isn’t. His body went straight for his motorcycle, hopping on and driving away with the squealing of tires.

There are TWO POSSIBLE ENDINGS, the first one is Major Character Death, the second is “everybody lives”

Read the next chapter for tragedy, read the chapter after that for somewhat happy ending

Chapter Two: To Die

“Hey Jay? You alright?”

The prey has fallen into the trap...

Jason felt his head swivel in Dick’s direction, “What are you doing here, Dickface?”

“I don’t know, you just seemed to be acting a little off yesterday. I was just wondering if—”

“I’m fine.” Jason’s voice growled. “And I didn’t kill those people. So there’s nothing for you to report back to ol’ daddy bats up there on his high horse.” Dick scowled briefly, but then his expression smoothed. “I’m not here to spy on you, Jay. And I know it wasn’t you who killed those people.” His brother looked at him steadily, right in the eyes. No! Dick, you have to get away from me, he wants to kill y —

“It wasn’t you,” continued Dick, “It was whatever's controlling you.”

For a moment, Jason panicked. But whoever it was in his head let up quite a bit, and Jason suddenly felt lighter than air. It was like the first taste of water after days in the desert. Like he could finally breathe after an eternity of going without.

“Wha—” Jason stumbled, knees feeling weak. Dick rushed forward, catching him as he fell. “No...N—No, Dick, you can’t be here. ‘m a killer, that thing in my head, it—it wants to—”

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here.” His hand carded through Jason’s hair. “We’ll figure this out, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

“It…it seems to have left me.” Jason said, voice trembling in awe as he flexed his fingers. It’d been so long…

—

Dick smiled down at his brother.

“It’s okay, Jay.” He said, “It must’ve fled when it realized I knew it was there.”

“How…how did you know, anyways?” Jason asked.

“I just…I had a feeling. You were acting off, and that look in your eye…”

“Thanks, Dick,” his little brother replied, but then his voice changed, sounding almost…fearful? “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” He asked, straining his ears, “I don’t—”

There was a loud roar and the sound of large, stomping feet. Dick frantically looked around, noticing as shadows creeped in from underneath the door. The air was charged with magic, power flowing throughout the room.

“It’s back,” whispered Jason, clutching Dick’s arm, “we should run.”

“Yeah,” Dick said, as if in a daze, “let’s go.”

It seemed so surreal, the supernatural monsters bursting through the door. Dick wasn’t sure what surprised him so much about it, he dealt with this kind of thing every other day. It’s just…

“Dickie,” said Jason, pulling him towards the window. “Snap out of it, they’re gaining on us.”

He shook his head, looking back—and yeah, the strange magical creatures were right behind them.

Jason jumped through the window, Dick following closely behind. They fired their grappling guns, arriving on the roof opposite in what felt like the blink of an eye.

“Hurry,” said a voice and—oh, it was Jason. It was coming out of Jason’s mouth, right? It must be Jason’s. “We should go that way.”

Dick looked his little brother in the eyes, grounding himself there, before following Jason’s lead as they ran across rooftops.

Dick felt like he was doing everything underwater, but it was…nice. Pretty great actually. He barely even noticed the burn in his legs, or how the monsters chasing them had odd-looking shadows.

Each time he looked back, all he saw was claws and teeth. Masses of fur and strange golden markings.

They paused for breath a few blocks away.

Dick wondered at Jason’s plan. It felt like there was something he should be doing…“Jay? What should we do? Where do we go?”

“That thing in my head seemed afraid of tall places…”

“The—The Wayne Enterprises building.” Dick replied almost immediately.

“Of course,” said Jason, bumping him with his shoulder, “How about a race?”

Dick grinned back at him, “Sure, why not.”

Adrenaline flooded his veins, and for a moment, he almost forgot about the monsters chasing them.

Jason nodded to him, and then they took off, running and jumping, grappling all across the city, heading for the tallest building around. Dick pressed himself to go faster, run harder, jump stronger .

He could see Jason out of the corner of his eye, also going considerably fast.

Jason wasn’t the only one Dick noticed, he also spotted several of them on Jason’s tail. The monsters seemed to move just as fast as they did. He could only hope his little brother could go fast enough to outrun them.

Dick reached the WE building first, skidding to a stop on the roof. Jason arrived soon after.

The monsters gathered a roof away, preparing to jump.

“I—I don’t understand, I thought you said they wouldn't follow us up here.” Dick looked at Jason, searching for answers in his expression.

His little brother’s features were soft, his eyes glittered with something strange and otherworldly. His voice was smooth and heavy with something familiar… “It’s okay, I have a plan, but there’s no time. Dick, do you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you, Little Wing.”

Darkness creeped up along the edges of the building, sliding onto the roof. Claws scraped against the ground, glowing gold eyes began to surround them. There was a single opening, a small bit of edge that had nothing on it.

Jason smiled, grabbing Dick’s grapple gun. And then pushed him off the roof.

Dick Grayson fell over 1,000 feet to the ground, all the while believing his brother would catch him.

Above, on the roof of Wayne Tower, Jason Todd’s eyes flashed gold.

Chapter Three: To Live

“Hey Jay? You alright?”

The prey has fallen into the trap...

Jason felt his head swivel in Dick’s direction, “What are you doing here, Dickface?”

“I don’t know, you just seemed to be acting a little off yesterday. I was just wondering if—”

“I’m fine.” Jason’s voice growled. “And I didn’t kill those people. So there’s nothing for you to report back to ol’ daddy bats up there on his high horse.” Dick scowled briefly, but then his expression smoothed. “I’m not here to spy on you, Jay. And I know it wasn’t you who killed those people.” His brother looked at him steadily, right in the eyes. No! Dick, you have to get away from me, he wants to kill y —

“It wasn’t you,” continued Dick, “It was whatever's controlling you.”

For a moment, Jason panicked. But whoever it was in his head let up quite a bit, and Jason suddenly felt lighter than air. It was like the first taste of water after days in the desert. Like he could finally breathe after an eternity of going without.

“Wha—” Jason stumbled, knees feeling weak. Dick rushed forward, catching him as he fell. “No...N—No, Dick, you can’t be here. ‘m a killer, that thing in my head, it—it wants to—”

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here.” His hand carded through Jason’s hair. “This thing is here to test me Jay, I didn’t have a choice. I know you didn’t either, and I am so, so sorry for that Little Wing. We’ll figure this out, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

Jason opened his mouth to reply, when suddenly the presence was back, the voice along with it. Jason could feel his consciousness collapsing back, dissociating once again. He vaguely registered as one of his hidden daggers was swiftly drawn, and pressed harshly against Dick’s neck.

“Do you trust me?” asked Jason’s voice, a smirk spread across his face.

The question was meant to be mocking, but Dick answered seriously, “Of course, I know you’re still in there, Jay. I trust you.”

—

They stood on the roof of the WE building. Whoever was controlling Jason had used his strength to give Dick a good beating, and sent a picture of the aftermath to the bats. It was only a matter of time before they showed.

“One as special as Dick Grayson, must be able to trust at least one member of his family. Jason Todd is least likely to accept this trust, which makes my job so much easier. I look forward to his death,” said Jason’s voice while they waited.

Dick, all tied up, sporting a black eye and what were likely bruised ribs—grinned like a maniac. “I recognized your presence, didn’t I? I could tell there was something off with him, you nasty little f***er. You may think you chose your victim well, but you’re making a big mistake—Jay will pull through for me, and you will be torn away as if it were nothing.”

Wow, Dick just sounded so—so confident in Jason’s ability to do whatever it was he was supposed to do. Jason wasn’t sure he’d be able to overpower this thing, let alone destroy it.

“The rest of your so-called family will arrive any minute now, will you weep at their demise?”

Dick scowled, “The rules that you are bound to state that you can’t kill any of my loved ones before me.”

“I may not be able to kill them, but I’ve been doing this awhile, and I know all the loopholes to this little game.”

Behind them, the bats touched down on the roof. Jason felt himself turn to face them. It seemed that Bruce, Tim, Damian, and Steph all showed up for the party.

“Here to save your favorite Golden child?”

“What do you want?” Demanded Bruce, stoic as ever.

They never cared about you , none of them do. Hissed the voice in his head. Nobody trusts you

Nobody trusts you , Jason thought back at it, you murderous lying b****** .

It chuckled, ah, but it is not my face I’m wearing. It’s your's.

Outloud, Jason’s voice addressed the bats, “This is the price you pay for not trusting me, for letting Dick down. You didn’t even notice there was something different about him, did you? You didn’t even notice when Jason Todd was no longer Jason Todd.”

Bruce and Dick were the only ones who didn’t look confused at the words. Dick, because he seemed to know what was going on, and Bruce, because he was, well, Bruce. Batman’s face was as stoic as ever.

Jason felt his face twist into something surely ugly and murderous-looking.

Power surged through him, coming from seemingly nowhere. But Jason could feel it at his fingertips, being pushed into him and pulled out, he had no control over its course. The air around him became charged with magic, and then the bats were engulfed in a bright, golden light.

A moment later, Jason's eyes opened to find that all four of them were frozen in various positions and turned into a shiny golden color, standing still like statues.

The look of horror on Dick’s face hurt to look at, when Jason felt himself turn back to the man.

Quickly, Dick’s expression turned to that of anger, “What did you do to them?” he seethed. “Turn them back!”

“It’s too late, Dick Grayson. Once you are dead, your family will remain this way forever.”

Jason’s arms reached out, grabbing Dick and picking him up.

His feet took him to the edge of the roof, holding Dick out over the ground far, far below.

“J—Jay, listen to me, you can fight this. I know you can. You’re still in there, I believe in you.”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Jason watched as he dropped his brother over the edge.

Time seemed to stop.

No! He thought, pushing back as hard as he could against that malicious presence in his mind. Jason pictured Dick’s face, looking at him sincerely, a bead of blood forming where Jason’s own knife grazed his throat. “I trust you ,” he’d said.

Jason followed him over the edge before he even knew what he was doing. Shooting out his grapple instinctively, cutting through the air rapidly as he fell.

This is going to hurt , he thought, as he set himself on a collision course with Dick, but I think we’ll live.

[icecoldflames]

Home Is Where The Heart Is (Sanders Sides)

Based off of WandaVision (this AU is in a world that isn’t quite the mind palace and isn’t quite the real world. There are no spoilers for the actual WandaVision show and I don’t think you need to have watched the show in order to read this)

Past Romantic Logicality

Warnings: Patton is dead, angst, Remus’ dirty jokes

*Sigh* This fic has taken me what feels like ages to write. I wrote most of it all in one go but I just couldn’t manage to write the second half. And so it stayed in my drafts for months. But it’s finally finished!

I hope you don’t mind me tagging you, @jessibbb. I saw your post while I was writing the beginning! I’m pretty shocked we both chose the same ship for this AU.

Anyways, enjoy!

***

Roman didn’t realise anything was wrong until he woke up one morning and the mind palace was empty and quiet. No one was in the kitchen making breakfast and no one was on the sofa.

For the past couple of weeks, Roman had been non-stop working on a screenplay that he had had in his mind for at least two years. He was afraid his motivation would suddenly slump so he had been spending more and more time in his own room, writing away.

Roman quietly began making himself a fried egg, trying to wrack his brain to figure out what happened to everybody. Did they all go on a trip somewhere? Without him? Maybe they didn't want to disturb him when he was in his writing groove.

As Roman sat down at the kitchen table, he only just recalled Virgil telling the rest of the sides that he was going to try to help Logan after what happened to Patton...

Had Roman seen Virgil since then? Roman honestly couldn’t remember. But then Roman remembered scarfing down his supper one day and Janus telling them that he was worried about Logan and Virgil.

As for Roman’s twin brother, Remus wasn’t really one to tell the other sides their plans.

Roman ate the rest of his fried egg in silence, trying to piece together the last few weeks. By the end of it, Roman had a broad idea of what he had missed. Logan had locked himself in his room after what happened with Patton. And Virgil, who had been worried for him, went in a couple days later. Then, Janus, worried for the both of them, went in next.

In both events, Virgil and Janus had gone into Logan’s room and not returned, at least as far as Roman knew.

Roman tried to ignore the feeling that something was wrong and wrote another couple of pages of his screenplay. But the silence of the mind palace nagged at the back of his mind so much that he decided to take a break at 11:30.

He feared that he would spiral into a writer’s block because of this. But he was more worried for his friends who walked into Logan’s room and hadn’t come out. He missed the domesticity of the mind palace. Virgil was always one for night time snacks. And Janus always came to the large bay window in the afternoon when the sun was the strongest.

Roman stood in front of Logan’s door and hesitantly knocked. “Lo?” He asked. “Are the others in there with you? Are you okay?” Roman knocked again on the door to no answer. He contemplated coming back to the door later that night but Roman slowly laid his hand on the doorknob. It twisted open.

Roman slowly pushed the door open. At first glance, the room looked normal, if not a little messy. But Roman could see a breathing lump in the bed that resembled Logan’s sleeping position—sleeping on his back, like a log.

But, at a closer look, the doorway looked to have some kind of shimmery film over it. It reminded Roman of when he would create worlds inside his own room to explore. His door was always there, no matter the world, and that silvery film would be across his doorway. All Roman would have to do is step through that silvery barrier and he’d be back in the mind palace, right in front of his doorway.

Roman frowned and brought his face up close to Logan’s door, his nose almost passing through the barrier. As far as he knew, he was the only side who could create worlds from his imagination. He was creativity, after all.

Roman straightened up. Maybe Logan somehow got the powers to create worlds and he and the others were lost and couldn’t find their way back. It was the only possibility Roman could think of. He closed his eyes and stepped through Logan’s door.

When Roman opened his eyes, he was in a hallway that resembled the one in the mind palace that held each side’s rooms. But, when Roman looked closer he found family pictures on the wall.

Roman was taken aback as he noticed these pictures were all of Logan and Patton in different places—at the park having a picnic, laying on the beach, in the library, at a Build-a-Bear.

None of the places were familiar. They didn't even live near a Build-a-Bear.

Roman slowly inspected each photograph. He halted at the last photo in the hallway. Logan and Patton standing behind two pearly-teethed children.

“That’s little Arthur and Connie.”

Roman spun around and legitimately pinched himself at the sight of Patton in front of him. His smile was uncannily large and he looked real...lifelike. Roman resisted the urge to tackle him into a bearhug.

What had Logan done?

“Uh, I’m Roman,” Roman extended a hand. Surely this was just some kind of fake Patton. Something like a ghost.

But Patton shook Roman’s hand happily. He was as solid as Roman himself. “Nice to meet you, I’m Patton.” Patton didn’t look the least bit confused as to how Roman got inside this weird house.

Roman swallowed. “Um, excuse me,” he managed to say. “I-I have to go. Sorry.” He turned to find the first window he saw, the hallway window. It was tiny but Roman pried it open and wiggled through. He could feel the sweat bead down the back of his neck. “I’m sorry,” he said again and ran as far away as he could.

Roman ran a hand through his hair as he ran through an unfamiliar town. He past familiar faces on the way. Joan going into the grocery store. Tayln on the bench talking to Jamal. Valerie and Terrence buying samosas from the man on the side of the street they always passed when going on their runs. Roman could see people in a nearby cafe and in an office, drinking their coffees and clicking at their computers. Everyone seemed completely unconcerned.

Everyone here must be created by Logan, Roman rationalised. Roman could often create people in his own worlds too, solid ones like the occasional royal for his story, but they required incredible mental strength and they all took a toll on him because he was the one who had to control their every move.

Creating all these people and controlling them all? Roman had been creating worlds since he was a child and he still could only create and control seven people, max.

Creating and controlling an entire city? It was impossible. How had Logan done it then? Roman couldn’t wrap his head around everything.

He passed a gas station and almost did a double take. Virgil was blowing bubble gum behind the counter.

Roman raced inside the gas station and the bell tinkled above.

“What pump?” Virgil asked boredly, not looking up from his phone.

“Virgil! It’s me, Roman!” Roman exclaimed, running up to the desk, out of breath. “Where have you been? What has happened to Logan?”

Virgil blew an especially large bubble before looking up at Roman. “Look, man, I’m just a minimum wage worker. Just choose what you want to buy and I’ll ring you up.”

“No, that’s not—”

“You want to rob the joint?” Virgil opened the cash and turned to look back at his phone. “Go ahead, I don’t care.”

Roman leaned over the desk. “Your phone isn’t even on! Virgil, what is wrong with you? You’ve got to help me! I think Logan is stuck in this world he accidentally made!” Roman placed a hand on Virgil’s forearm.

As if waking up from a bad nightmare, Virgil jolted like he was electrocuted and he blinked rapidly. His breathing became erratic. “You have to help us, Roman.” Virgil’s voice was hoarse and pained. His eyes were wild. “It’s Logan! You have to stop him!”

“What do you mean ‘it’s Logan’?” Roman asked, shaking Virgil a little by the shoulders. “I know he created this world. Have you seen Patton? And they have children?”

Virgil opened his mouth to reply but, as if someone grabbed him by the neck, he gasped for air. Roman stepped back, scared. What was happening? Virgil blinked a couple more times. He rolled his eyes and blew a large pink bubble. “So, what is it that you’d like to buy?”

Roman looked at Virgil incredulously. “What the hell,” he muttered, waving a hand in front of Virgil’s face.

“Dude, if you aren’t going to buy anything, just leave. Go annoy some other random minimum wage worker,” Virgil said dryly, looking back at his phone.

Roman put a hand on Virgil’s shoulders again and the other side jolted again. “Ro! He knows you’re here. You have to go,” he gasped in a strained voice. His face changed and he popped another bubble. “I won’t hesitate to call the cops,” Virgil said, leaning sourly on the counter.

Roman sprinted out of the gas station as fast as he could. He stood in the middle of the empty street and desperately looked for a hiding spot. His eyes saw the large brick building of the library. Probably not the best place to hide; Logan could be in there for all he knew.

Roman ran inside the building next to it, a squat little one room schoolhouse. When he came inside, the wooden desks were completely empty except for the teachers desk which held...

“Janus!” Roman exclaimed, fast-walking down the aisles of tiny desks to the larger desk where Janus was sitting, a grin plastered on his face.

“Hello,” Janus greeted, almost robotically. “Are you here to sign up your child for school?”

Roman reached out to touch Janus’ shoulder, to break whatever hold Logan had on him, but paused inches from the yellow cloth. It seemed that Logan could detect when people were no longer under his control. Example: Virgil.

But Roman needed somebody else’s help. As much as he boasted about being the knight in shining armour and being able to, single-handedly, save damsels in distress, Logan was an actual person who was going through tough emotions—not a figment of Roman’s imagination.

He stood in front of Janus’ still body, staring into his blank stare. Was it worth trying to get Janus on his side? He’d always have to be near the side so Logan wouldn’t try to control him again.

“I didn’t know Mr. Stick Up His Ass had a sense of humour. Putting Janus in the role of a school teacher?” Remus snort-laughed. “I need to hang out with him more after he’s through with his crisis.”

“Remus?” Roman exclaimed, spinning around and seeing his brother leaning against the large bookshelf. “Wha—How?”

Remus spun his moustache around his finger. “Thought this world might be fun. Instead, I get a dead side returned, a brother who’s too stuck in his own world to realise anyone’s missing, and a side who is too love-stricken that he manages to create an entire world.”

“But how are you not under Logan’s control?” Roman said, turning his attention away from Janus and to his twin brother.

Remus frowned and placed a hand to his heard. “I’m offended, Ro, I’m also creativity. Whatever you can do, I can do.”

Roman paused, thinking this through. Remus did have a point. “How long have you been here?”

“A couple of weeks, in this world’s time. We’re as stuck in Logan’s world as a wet booger on a finger.”

“And you haven’t tried to talk to Logan?” Roman asked, exasperatedly.

“Who do you think I am? A therapist or something? I’m just a fun guy who eats fungi.” Remus blew a raspberry.

Roman wiped off Remus’ spit from his own face and began dragging his brother out the door. “Two is better than one. C’mon, we need to help Logan. He’s grieving.”

“Isn’t time the answer to everything?” Remus asked, shaking free of Roman’s grip. “Just leave him be. He’ll eventually figure his stuff out.”

“And how long will that be? A month? A year? No, Remus, we need to help Logan. He’s created a fake Patton, that isn’t healthy.”

“Well I think that Logan is getting through this in his own way,” Remus said. “We shouldn’t try to push him too much. Who knows what he’ll do? He could create a Godzilla for all I know.”

“We need to go speak with Logan,” Roman stated.

“We?” Remus repeated.

“Fine. I’ll speak with Logan. You can just be there for moral support,” Roman said with a sigh. He felt stronger with his brother next to him and maybe he could get through to Logan by himself.

***

Logan’s house was painted a bright blue and had kids toys littered around the yard. The flowers around looked almost fake. Neighbours around the cul-de-sac smiled and waved from their porches.

“Logan looks happy here. What if we just left him in this alternate world?” Remus’ voice was quiet and surprisingly serious as they climbed the couple of stairs to Logan’s doorstep.

Roman turned to Remus, mouth agape. “Are you kidding me? Logan has created an entire town with kids and a husband who is actually dead. You don’t see a problem with Logan living in a lie? Besides, we’re stuck here too. Or have you forgotten?”

Remus leaned against the house and dug his hands into his pockets. “I dunno. But I just think reality will catch up with him soon enough. Anyways, he can’t keep up this charade forever. And living here isn’t too bad. There are no repercussions to anything I do.” Remus grinned toothily and was inches away from knocking on the door.

The door swung open itself. “Hello! Is there anything I can do for you?” Patton asked, looking down at Roman and Remus curiously.

“Is your…erm…husband home?” Roman asked, suddenly uncomfortable. He didn’t like seeing Patton alive again. It made him miss the old side who used any opportunity to make cookies.

“He is! He’s making supper now for us and the kiddos—”

“What do you want, Roman?” Logan’s voice came from behind Patton. His voice seemed strong and concise which was nothing different. But when Patton moved over a little to make space for Logan, Roman noticed a clear tiredness behind his facade.

“I want to speak with you…privately,” Roman replied, glancing over at Logan. Whether or not Patton was fully under Logan’s control, Roman wasn’t sure he wanted to openly talk about Patton’s death in front of Patton.

“I want whatever you’ve made for supper,” Remus interrupted loudly, elbowing his way around Patton and Logan, disappearing down a hallway.

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply.

“Do you know those guys?” Patton asked quietly, his eyebrows drawn down in confusion. “Are they friends from your time at uni?”

Uproarious laughter came from, presumably, the kitchen. “Patton, can you go check on the kids and make sure Remus isn’t teaching them anything inappropriate?” Logan nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen.

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” He made his way down the hallway, glancing back only once.

As soon as Patton was out of view, Logan grabbed viciously at Roman’s shirt sleeve and began dragging him across the living room. “You’re lucky I can’t control you,” Logan muttered through gritted teeth. They made their way to a closed door which banged open as soon as Logan flicked his wrist.

Logan pushed Roman down onto the bed. He crossed his arms. “You have five minutes to talk to me and then I’m going to kick you and Remus out and will not be allowing you two back in.”

The entire monologue Roman had been planning out in his head on his way here completely evaporated. Whatever he had been planning to say was logical and coherent. But now that he was facing Logan, he couldn’t remember anything. His eyes found a picture to the left of Logan’s furrowed brow.

It was a glossy photo of Patton in Disney World, a Mickey hat on his head, and laughing into the camera. Another event that never actually happened.

But Roman’s eyes were drawn to it. His words came out before he could stop them. “I miss him. He always knew what to say to us to make us feel better.” Roman couldn’t count how many times Patton had helped him get over a break-up or through an especially rough writer's block.

Logan’s strained face softened, following Roman’s gaze to the photograph. He took the frame off the wall and stared at it. When he looked back up at Roman, his face was even stonier than before. “Then you understand why I have to do this.”

“Logan…I…I know what you’re going through. We all do. Patton was our missing puzzle piece. With him gone, it does feel empty. But we can’t change what’s already happened,” Roman tried, gently pulling the photo of Patton out of Logan’s grip.

“You don’t know anything about what I’m feeling,” Logan grimaced and yanked the photo back. “And I’m perfectly content in this alternate universe I’ve created. It was going great before you arrived.”

“Logan, I’m worried for you. Virgil and Janus and I are worried for you. Remus probably is as well. Patton wouldn’t want you to be like this. He’d want you to come back with us.”

“Don’t you dare speak for Patton,” Logan growled, jabbing a finger in Roman’s face. “And if Patton can’t come back, I’m not coming back.”

“Is that the kind of life you want to live forever?” Remus’ voice came from the doorway. Even Roman was surprised to see his brother. Logan whirled around. “To live with a man who has died with children who don’t exist? To be constantly feeding them memories about their fake life and then feeling left out as they talk about them because you can’t give yourself those same happy memories?” Remus’ voice was like a viper and his words were much more intense than what Roman had been planning.

Yet the words actually seemed to get through to Logan. His Adam’s apple bobbed and he quietly placed the framed photo back up on the wall, meticulously straightening it.

Logan’s next words came out soft and broken, staring at Patton’s photo, pointedly avoiding Roman or Remus’ gaze. “I can’t just go back and forget about him.”

“We aren’t asking you to forget about him, Lo,” Roman begged. “We would never ask you to do that. In fact, once we all get back, we should keep his memory alive.”

“Figuratively alive, of course,” Remus interjected, a slight smirk on his face.

Roman silenced Remus with a glare. You aren’t helping. “Do you remember how Patton always knew our hot chocolate orders by heart during movie night?” Roman asked. “Extra marshmallows for me, milk in Virgil’s, piping hot and whipped cream in Janus’—“

“—Mine with some marshmallows and filled to the brim with,” Remus tried and failed to hold in his laughter, “cream.”

“I’d have plain and Patton would have extra everything,” Logan reminisced with a smile.

“Remember when I accidentally spread some kind of sickness with my…prank…and Patton, even though he was also sick, made the time to help all of us?” Remus poked a toy on the floor with the tip of his shoe.

“He always gave the best gifts too,” Logan continued, a nostalgic smile on his face. “I still use my antler pencil when organizing everyone’s calendar.”

“I love the deodorants he gave me!” Remus exclaimed.

“Logan,” Roman began in a gentle voice, meeting the other side’s eyes. “Why don’t we all head home and sit around the couch, telling each other our memories of Patton?” He began to stand up and gently laid a hand on Logan’s forearm. “Come on, let’s go home.”

Logan’s arm flexed under Roman’s grip. Uh oh. “What’s that saying?” Logan said slowly, his voice growing icy. “Home is where the heart is?” He jerked his arm away from Roman and pushed him backward onto the bed. “I can’t go home. There is no home anymore because he has my heart.” Logan’s voice broke and his legs collapsed underneath him. Roman and Remus barely made it to soften his fall.

“Patton is dead,” Logan managed to choke out, hiding his eyes with his hands. Roman squeezed Logan into a hug. Remus began to awkwardly pat his back. “This is the only place where I feel anything worthwhile. Without Patton…I’m…I feel like a robot. Like an empty shell of myself.”

“Logan?” Patton’s voice was small and all three of the sides whipped their heads around to see Patton standing outside of the doorway. His eyes were wide and his hands were shoved in his pockets. “What did you mean when you said that I’m dead?”

“Patton, I—I can explain,” Logan instantly stood up from the floor and wiped his eyes, taking his glasses off to clean them in his shirt. He then took a step towards Patton, an arm outstretched.

But Patton stepped away from Logan’s hand, fear clearly written on his face. “What’s happening? While you were inside here, it’s like the world froze. Even Connie and Arthur. When I ventured outside, I saw two other men running towards our house, telling me that I had to talk some sense into you, Logan, and that I was dead.” Patton paused and Roman saw that his hands were shaking. “I don’t know what’s real anymore. Am I dead?”

“Patton,” Logan started, glancing behind him at Roman and Remus. “I—I’ve not been entirely honest with you. Actually, I’ve been completely lying to you.” Logan gently took Patton’s face into his hands and when Patton re-opened his eyes, Roman had a sense that Patton knew. He knew everything.

“After…after you died, I couldn’t handle it. I stayed in bed for days on end, not doing anything but think of you and cry. I hardly slept. I don’t know how long this went on for until, one day, I woke up, and I walked down this street where you, Connie and Arthur were playing outside. When the three of you saw me, all of your eyes lit up and began exclaiming, ‘dad’s home! Dad’s home!’”

A tear ran down Logan’s cheek and he frantically rubbed it away. “It was like my perfect fantasy. You were alive and well and we had a beautiful family. As time went on, I remembered conversations I had with Roman and began creating an entire city around us, with people, businesses, and schools. I started giving you and the kids memories of trips we didn’t take, things we didn’t do.

“It was exhausting but I was actually happy. I was laughing and, even though it wasn’t real, I was living. You taught me happiness. I feel like I’ll never feel it again” His words hung thick in the air.

“Pat,” Logan said, this time too many tears on his cheeks for him to wipe away. “I don’t want to go back home if it means leaving you. I can’t do it again. I’m not strong enough.”

Patton brought Logan in for a hug and quickly kissed his nose. “You are strong enough. You, Logan, are one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. And you can and will leave. You’re destined for great things out there, Logan Sanders. And I will be forever proud of you. Promise me you’ll try to live life to its fullest, to stop and smell the roses, to be happy once again. Maybe it’ll hurt less as time goes on, maybe it won’t. Maybe you’ll smile when my name is mentioned after a few years, or maybe it’ll still leave your chest aching and your eyes stinging. I can’t promise you it won’t be hard once you leave, but you have to promise me you’ll try to be okay.”

Patton’s lip quirked up. “Besides, think about it, because you conjured me up, I’ll always be a part of you once you leave.” Patton placed a hand over Logan’s heart. “I’ll always be inside of you.”

Remus snickered and Roman elbowed him in the gut.

“I promise,” Logan said, either not hearing Remus or deciding to ignore him. “I’ll try for your sake.”

Patton smiled and hugged Logan one last time. “Come, the kids are all ready for bed. How about one last goodnight?”

Logan seemed to want to reject the idea but bit his tongue. He nodded curtly and glanced at Patton, “one last bedtime story?”

Patton smiled and nodded as well. The two of them began to walk down the hall, their arms around each other’s waists.

Once Roman could hear voices in a nearby room, he began to sit up from the bed that he had slowly made his way to once Patton appeared. “I can’t believe you,” he muttered to Remus. “You have to turn everything into a dirty joke, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Remus said, fluttering his eyelashes. “Besides,” he said, shaking his head, “everything turned out alright, didn’t it?”

Roman sighed as they made their way outside to give Patton and Logan some privacy. “I suppose it did. And…you did good back there, Remus.” Roman awkwardly rubbed his neck. “Thank you.”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up in surprise but, before he could say anything, Virgil and Janus came barrelling towards them.

“Roman!” Virgil exclaimed, “you did it!”

Roman shrugged his shoulders and glanced at his twin brother. “Honestly? It was a team effort. Remus was the one to get through to him at first.”

“Really?” Virgil asked while Janus just smiled a little over at Remus.

Roman nodded and then asked, “are you two alright?” He couldn’t imagine what being under Logan’s “spell” was like. He didn’t think he’d ever ask. He was glad everyone else in the town was completely imaginary or copies of other people in the real world.

“A little drowsy, to be completely honest with you,” Janus replied with a half-smile.

“That was not my experience,” Virgil grumbled, arms crossed. “It was like I was in a constant battle. ‘Walk,’ Logan’s voice would tell me. ‘No,’ I would tell him back. Back and forth and back and forth.”

The four sides went silent as the door to Logan and Patton’s house opened. Patton and Logan exchanged one last word with one another before they kissed and Patton closed the door shut. Logan jogged down to where Roman and the others stood.

“It’s time to go home,” Logan said, trying to sound brave but his wobbly voice gave him away.

Logan made a flourish with his hands and an opened door appeared in front of all of them. “I think this might be the first and last time I create a world,” he said. “My hypothesis is that I was going through such a great deal of grief that I touched into a power that all of us have but only Roman and Remus have access to it easily and on a larger scale.”

Roman smiled and placed a comforting hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Let’s all sit on the couch together. We can watch a movie and talk about our memories with Patton.”

“I think I have a bunch of photos in a box under my bed and pinned around my room,” Virgil added in. “You could make a scrapbook.”

Logan took in a deep, steadying, breath. He turned around to look at the blue house behind him before saying, “I’d like that. And, um, if you guys want, I can prepare everyone some hot chocolate.”

And, with that, Logan stepped through the door.